starting testosterone and having a cute guy to top has made me very interested in butch identities. i'm getting real cool and comfy with my masculinity. however, i'm struggling to learn and navigate my butchness when all the content i see is like "no men >:( lesbians only". im a dude and i love a guy and we both have complicated queer trans identities

I agree with you, the idea that butchness only belongs to lesbianism, and that lesbianism is only the absence of men, both lack nuance and don’t hold up when confronted with trans identities.

When I first knew I wanted to start testosterone and to pass as a guy in public, I had a huge crisis about my sexuality. I love women. so much. and I know, deep in my bones, that I don’t love women the same way that a cishet man loves women. but I was worried that if I start to pass and live as a man, then I would be excluded from lesbianism, because of this assumption that lesbianism is when no men. I felt lost and isolated from both lesbians and trans people. But then I read Stone Butch Blues. And then i found more books. And I read more words written by our queer elders and ancestors, who laid the groundwork for all of the lovely flavors of queer we have today. and I talked to the other queer people around me. and eventually I began to understand lesbianism not as the exclusion of men, but about the active inclusion and centering of women and other gender minorities. This new definition of lesbianism completely changed how I saw my own queer landscape. defining terms by what they are not, isn’t very useful to me anymore, I like defining queer terms by what they do, what they accomplish in a queer community.

So when it comes to being butch: think about the actions a person does that makes them butch. For me, I feel most butch when I can step up and help/protect those around me. I feel like a butch when I can give someone good directions in my city, or when I make sure me and all my friends are taking the right train going in the right direction so all they have to do is chat and be tipsy together and not worry about getting lost. I feel butch when I carry my chihuahua over puddles she can’t jump over and she wags her tail when i bend down to pick her up. I feel butch when I hold my partner in my arms and tell them it’s going to be okay. My feeling of butchness arises when my masculinity can be tender and loving and healing. By rooting my butchness in my own actions, I no longer worry about other people’s definition or conception of butch, because I know that I am actively, every day, doing butch things.

also! lesbians aren’t the only ones who use the term butch, gay men use it too. I love how in love with masculinity queers are, and I love that both lesbians and gay men know that cishet men don’t have a monopoly on masculinity, and that queer masculinity is special and unique and deserving of it’s own wonderful word.

and one last little note: as a leftist I am opposed to all nations, states, and borders. when we queers try making hard and fast boundaries between identities, I fear that we are accidentally making our own nation states that require border patrol and enforcement. and I hate border patrol with every cell of my body. we don’t need that shit in our queer communities. abolish borders. they’re so bad for you.

blerd!ony…💭

been wanting to write about my sweetheart + I needed something self indulgent today so here we are! 🩷

══✿══╡°˖✧✿✧˖°╞══✿══ ══✿══╡°˖✧✿✧˖

you never really liked talking anime or nerd culture with men!…a strange thought but a true one nonetheless. It was always one exhausting conversation after the next. From being giving random pop quizzes about this series or a lecture about how that one doesn’t measure up to the solidified greats. That was until you met blerd!ony…the gentle, kindhearted cashier in the store you frequented on a daily basis. Blerd!ony, who recognized the t-shirt you were wearing immediately from that very obscure yet classic anime you loved so much, became absolutely ecstatic to talk to you from that day on. The tall, gorgeous male with a smile like the stars, the most beautiful complexion you’ve ever seen and a voice like honey had given you even more of a reason to gush over him. “You gotta give me your top five right now. I always see your keychains and shit. You got good taste..” you were a bit hesitant because this was always the point where things went left but blerd!ony surprised you by praising your choices and even saying he’d check out the ones you’d put him on to. blerd!ony, who had a sleeve full of video game themed tattoos took pride in showing off his pieces when you happened to catch him outside on smoke break one night. Telling you how he played all the time and even streamed a bit in his free time. “I do alright, you should check me out.” blerd!ony, who was always holding up the line just to chat with his favorite customer about the new series he just started. “I’m talking to my girl, y’all can wait—anyways, did you see that new episode? Shit was crazy.” it wasn’t long before he was asking for your socials and hoping to keep the communication going on days even when he couldn’t see you. blerd!ony, who couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw the girl who came in his store with sweatpants and a DBZ shirt all dolled up in your cosplays..some a lot more revealing than others. blerd!ony, who’d always wanted to try the hobby but was afraid had some questions..among other things the next time he saw you. “I see how it is, best friend. You be putting that shit on.” you were infatuated with his humor and laid back personality so naturally, when he invited you to an anime cafe in your city, you accepted. blerd!ony, who was the perfect gentleman ensured that you had the best time as you two chopped it up about all things nerdy, making you laugh more than you had in a long time.

blerd!ony, who confided in you that he didn’t have many friends and especially ones into the things he was, told you how happy he was to have met you. “You cool as hell, we gotta do this more often.” a sentiment you agreed with heavily agreed with. Some time had passed and you two spoke nearly everyday. That’s when he revealed that he was not only interested in attending his first con but cosplaying as well, asked you accompany him..and pick a character! “I trust you, ma. Make me look good..” it was a no brainer as the two of you were huge fans of the Mortal Kombat series and decided to dress as Sindel and Shao Kahn. So the two of you spent days going to the fabric store and ordering materials to build props in your spare time..blerd!ony, who was turning heads the entire time when he revealed that Adonis like figure that had been hiding underneath that company polo everyday..you were nervous and even a little embarrassed walking beside someone so fine. but blerd!ony couldn’t keep his eyes off of you or hands..holding your left one, keeping you close and grasping the small of your back as he guided you through the crowds. Even carrying all of your bags and letting you rest your tired feet on his lap. blerd!ony, who had been eyeing you all day couldn’t help but to be entranced when it was time for the after party and the two of you were dancing with liquor in your system. “You full of surprises, huh mama?” “Try me and you might find out just how many.” blerd!ony, who couldn’t wait to get back to you guys’ hotel room, tore that costume open quicker than you could get the door open..leaving a trail of warm kisses down your neck as his fingers delved into your core, pinning you against the wall in the process. “You so fucking sexy..” muttering in your ear as he hiked your leg up and tugged his bottoms down. blerd!ony, who fucked you like a man starved that night had you grasping at things that weren’t even there..taking you from the mirror, to the dresser and eventually the bed, where he gave you deep backshots; grasping that platinum gray lace front on your head as he did so. “You don’t know how long I been wanting this..fuck..” blerd!ony, who had you fucking up the sheets all night, getting stretched by that thick cock with the curve, absolutely depleted you, so much so, you two barely made it around the convention the next day but he was glad that he had met the girl who loved the same things he did and the one of his dreams. <3

Please give the fish man food 🙏

Depends!! Do you want sweet?

Or spicy?

Choose wisely >:0

we all need to get together and collectively say “thank you danai gurira” because she did michonne a beautiful justice in this episode

in all the episodes, truly, but especially this one

in the mothership, michonne was incredibly strictly the “badass” character. she was always on go, ready to do the next thing, very rarely did she have vulnerability and softness to her character

this is so so SO common for black women in tv, especially darkskin black women. in this episode, we truly get to breakdown all the shit she went through, especially during her pregnancy, and see her be sad and hurt and all these “soft” emotions about it.

in the main show, it was instantly shown as “oh this thing made michonne into a hardass and she was super strict and mean,” but we never got to her feel any other way about it, or literally any trauma of hers in the show.

in this episode she gets to be open about those events, as well as verbally express the hurt she’s experiencing from rick by him pushing her away like it’s nothing. that is, hands down, my favorite part of this episode.

michonne becomes a full fledged character in this episode, to me. she cries, she gets mad, shes understanding, shes understood, she’s funny, she’s protective, she’s vulnerable, she’s in love, she’s openly loved in returned. she is shown as a real person. and that? that is more beautiful than any scene i’ve ever watched in the entirety of the walking dead.

TOMORROW....ITLL ALL BE OVER :(

I’m very genuinely not okay about it. I started Riverdale when it first came out (buzz was huge in my high school during my gr 12 year because classmates were having public Cole Sprouse sightings in the city) but I dropped it at some point during s2. I didn’t like it at first (my teenhood was spent raised on Steven Universe discourse so the show was needlessly edgy and sexy and ‘problematic’ in my eyes) to the point where I got in an argument with my friend who was telling me it was good writing and I was telling her she was objectively incorrect. (Years later I messaged my friend to formally apologize and admit that I was wrong. She replied back to say she didn’t remember the argument and also didn’t care because she stopped watching after s1 and also that that was the first time in our 10 year friendship that she ever heard me admit I was wrong)

I started watching again in 2020 when Netflix dropped the 1.5x speed feature bc I thought that would be a fun way to experience the show and I started it from the beginning again w my sister and mom with a renewed mindset. We rang in 2021 with a three hour Riverdale watch session running over the midnight fireworks outside. We eventually had to banish our mom from watching with us because she didn’t Get It. Asked too many questions. Called it Stupid too often. We weren’t there for that anymore. We were along for the ride. My sister moved out and then so did I (not because of the Riverdale hate. To be clear.) but as season 5 and 6 and 7 aired we watched the new episodes every week together on facetime. Eventually we dropped the 1.5x speed thing in order to properly savour and enjoy it. I talked to all my middle aged coworkers about it against their will. I witnessed literally anything anywhere and thought to myself “just like Riverdale”. Fresh off a nervous breakdown and still trying to cope with the ongoing Covid isolation of 2021, the weekly Riverdale watch sessions were literally the highlight of basically every week for me. and even as life started sucking less over time, Riverdale was still there brightening every week and I loved it and it was Television and it was everything. The last of its kind. I will miss it forever. Probably just never gonna watch tv ever again

I read ur tags on the video abt drake and Kendrick “not caring about women” in the middle of the rap beef and I totally agree about Kendrick btw. It reminded me of someone i saw on Tik tok who made a video defending Kendrick from the “but he didn’t want r Kelly’s music removed from streaming platforms!” thing and what it turns out it ACTUALLY was about was that Spotify was going to put up a “moral and behavior” policy where they would remove the complete discography of any artist who they found out had a criminal record, which is incredibly discriminatory against all convicted people, no matter what they’re convicted for, and infringes on their 1st amendment rights and just the very human right to make art and have that art be preserved. So it was less about “I love r kelly so much im gonna threaten to take all my music off Spotify if they remove his” and more “this policy is actually infringing on artists’ rights and discriminatory against people with a criminal record.” I’m not saying Kendrick is our feminist messiah but like cmon yall he does not hate women and he’s not just calling out drake for clout

A lot of what Kendrick gets reduced to certain narratives because their are a lot of negative things that come with hip hop, and it does do more harm than good especially in the case with “fake woke” rappers.

I don’t believe in putting celebrities on a pedestal and no person is perfect. Him putting Kodak Black on Mr. Morale did rub me the wrong way. Him dead naming some of his family members rightfully upset some people.

I can’t speak for that, so I won’t because it’s not my place, so I just listen and support those that can.

But all I can really say is, the process of growing and wanting to be better person isn’t pretty. Watching someone unlearn racism fatphobia, transphobia, and etc is never without mistakes.

If we are really advocating for people to be better on all fronts, the response is always anger when we they don’t get it right the first time or show they don’t have a full understanding of it.

What do we really want fork people? We tell them to grow and do better? But if you’ve actually walked someone through that or seen it, why are we getting so mad when they make a mistake along the way.

No it’s not our place to teach them. But if they are making a genuine effort, why not make a quick comment and move on. How does him doing these two things and “fumbling” the narrative for black growth as a man in America by including Kodak black and trying to show him stepping away from transphobia in a more problematic than not way, absolve everything he’s ever done or thinks and do thereafter?

I am not saying these thingsto be derivative. I am asking from a genuine place.

That said, it doesn’t make those things right.

I think he said some quiet parts out loud that he shouldn’t have, but at the end of the day he has to be held accountable. 🤷🏾‍♀️

I don’t think Kendrick has ever said anything in song he doesn’t fully believe. He’s very intentional, that might be the place where people are angry with him because it’s clear these things were done on purpose.

I can’t speak for him as I am just a fan. I may be biased as well, so that may be effecting how I think about this, so I try to be mindful and address that as well.

I try to be responsible and try not to deflect other peoples thoughts, feelings, and opinions on some of these things because they hurt some people and affect more people more than they ever would me and it wouldn’t be right.

But, we don’t know him and we never do, so all we can do is speculate, and some more than others like to choose the worst over any benefit of the doubt because in a man driven world when have they never not have that.

I don’t want to be an enabler to that system.

SO YOU MEAN WE CAN COME HERE TO TALK ABOUT THE BLORBOS IN YOUR AU??

Ahem, so you mentioned something about trying to find a good balance between Wind and Zelda and what Wind will do during the events of ST... I know you're probably still figuring stuff out but I really wanted to let you know that I'm very excited to see how it will end up as! There's so many options and possibilities for WW Link and ST Zelda's relationship (both my beloveds) and it's making me go dsaiuahkadsakb

The dynamic of a trio is so interesting to explore! Petting your AU and tucking it into bed gently rn...

OF COURSE YOU CAN COME HERE TO TALK ABOUT THE BLORBOS!! I EVEN ENCOURAGE IT!! PLEASE DO!!

Also thank you so much for the kind words! omg that means the world to me!! I will do my best as I explore this AU further!

I’m very excited to explore the trio, so I am very happy you’re looking forward to it too! I think it’s really interesting that Wind is very experienced when it comes to adventuring while Zelda has no experience in that regard. In fact, they make it pretty apparent in the game that she doesn’t really leave the castle AT ALL. In terms of navigation or even some basic life skills, she has no experience.

Zelda and Wind are opposites in that regard, but in other areas I think they get along really well. They’re both very sassy, spunky, and even a bit stubborn. At the end of the day though, they both want to look out for each other and ST Link as best they can.

ST Link is in a bit of a middle ground. He has probably traveled a few places while as an apprentice to Alfonzo, as such he has some experience in terms of talking with people, navigating, and of course his train expertise. I always headcanoned that ST Link is a bit of an inventor too, or, at the very least knowledgeable about machinery. Just pulling into a station in the game can fix your train’s health, even if the location has no other characters. That definitely implies that Link is the one making any repairs.

On top of all of that, Wind was one of the people who raised him. Wind would definitely teach him some skills that he learned. He has no doubt heard all the stories about Wind’s adventures, if not from Wind himself then from Niko. If faced with an enemy that Wind has fought before, he’d be able to have some knowledge on a good way to approach it.

Still, this will be his first time actually on an adventure to save the world. He still has stuff to learn.

This is the perfect excuse for me to give a quick little update on some things I’ve been thinking about. This is already really long, so i’m gonna put it under a break. If you’re interested, keep reading.

I will eventually talk about this again later, as the stuff I’m going to mention is still being worked on. Still, here is some progress on things.

For ST Link’s nicknames, a few I have been debating are:

Little Spirit / Spirit

Specks (for his freckles and because it’s probably pretty common to find specks of dirt or oil or something on him.)

Engineer / Engine / Eng

I feel like using a mix of these might be good, not just sticking to one. Like how Wind’s primary nickname is Wind, but he is sometimes also referred to as Sailor, or something along those lines. None of these are really set yet and are all subject to change. Let me know your thoughts.

In terms of Wind’s involvement in the events of ST, one thing i’ve been debating is him being the one handling the train’s cannon. I feel like because it’s the “Spirit” Train, I can get away with the excuse that spirits or ghosts have a little more ability when in contact with it. Wind knows his way around a cannon. It’s one of the ways I think he could help. Plus, it would allow ST Link to focus fully on driving.

I also feel like Wind can summon any of his belongings for himself. He can’t give them to anyone else to use. They’re more like spiritual / ghostly copies of the real things, and if it’s something like his sword or bow and arrows, they wouldn’t be able to ACTUALLY hit anything. Still, it would allow him to summon things to help teach ST Link through demonstration.

The Tower of Spirits is really the trickiest part for me. I, honestly, don’t want him possessing phantoms. I feel like that’s something that should be reserved for Zelda.

I want Wind and Zelda to have different things that they can do. At least one thing exclusive to each while in the Tower. The excuse I’m going with is that she still has a tie to the living, even if it’s hanging by a thread. Wind, on the other hand, is fully a spirit. As such, the things they can do are different.

thank you for the tag @albonoooo <333

star sign: leo (attention whore signs 4 the win)

favourite holiday: my neighborhood does neighbor day every year and that’s a solid percentage of my favorite childhood memories. my neighborhood is very very close (very much so an “it takes a village” mentality) so i grew up with essentially twenty aunts and uncles. and also like ten dogs and thirteen vaguely cousin-esque figures on my block. anyways it’s like a massive potluck barbecue thing, it goes from like noon to whenever the last person heads in (which can be quite late). think like. potluck barbecue to casual day drinking to big bonfire w smores as the day goes by. as a kid i spent the whole day roaming the neighborhood and coming back every so often to grab food from the tables before heading off again. as an adult i got to get drunk on seltzers with a bunch of 50 somethings and it was incredible

last meal: omg it was my last ohio meal… i got it from this really special like local version of sonic’s (like a drive up food place). they make their burgers w a little bit of brown sugar and mashed banana (they’re the best burgers i’ve ever had). so i had a double hamburger w fries and a mint shake w brownie spindled in. if you’re ever driving through ohio PLEASE hit me up to get this place’s name it’s GLORIOUS. 1980s pricing (admittedly 80s portions too lol). neon signs everywhere. what i will miss the most

current favourite musician: i tend to just hit play on my liked songs so whatever i liked most recently gets played wayyyy more. a lot of the backseat lovers rn

last music listened to: mama’s gun by glass animals (BANGER OF A SONG!!!)

last movie watched: the muppet christmas carol i think . yeah according to letterboxd that lmfao

last tv show watched: i just binged monarch: legacy of monsters w my parents (amazing godzilla tv show but godzilla’s only in it for like. 10 minutes total lol. gay people <3) and then we started lockwood & co tonight on a whim

last book/fic finished: the invisible library by genevieve cogman !!! so good. librarian spy thieves…

last book/fic abandoned: oh gosh. i am such a completionist that i don’t think i ever leave books unfinished. technically i won’t be able to finish the masked city (the sequel to the invisible library) bc it belongs to the library and i am moving. but i will be picking it back up as soon as i have a library card in my new area so? does that even count? yeah i don’t really dnf things

currently reading: the masked city by genevieve cogman technically. lol. i’m trying to read at least a page a day in january. some days that means literally reading a page other days it’s reading 300. since i started the masked city like four days ago ive only made it through 30 pages bc moving is a nightmare so.

last thing researched for writing/art/hyperfixation: hm. technically for the last thing i like posted that would be the drug testing guidelines for f1 (tldr fun fact party drugs are fine out of competition). i read like. 60 pages of legalese. and a bunch of medical stuff and then several wikipedia pages and guides for athletes. the last wikipedia article i opened was for NATO and i have no idea why LOL

favourite online fandom memory: i have the memory of a goldfish… i’m also pretty sure f1 is the first time i’ve been involved w a fandom like. as it’s happening. i’m usually a latecomer . i did enjoy whatever the fuck went down w supernatural and putin that was fun second hand (literally thru a groupchat bc i was in my significantly less terminally online era aka i was in college)

favourite old fandom you wish would drag you back in/have a resurgence: newsies (1992) my beloved… i plotted out a fic that would stretch over like. 40 years. i went INSANE on historical accuracy research. and then i got depressed… someday my magnum opus (slice of life polyamory through turn of the century nyc) will come to fruition

favourite thing you enjoy that never had an active or big fandom, but you wish it did: i feel like there’s been a million times i’ve walked out of a movie (or finished a book, or a tv show) and gone to ao3 and then it has like. 4 works. the rivers of london series by ben aaronovitch only has like . 1k fics on ao3. and not a lot of ppl posting on tumblr. so maybe that?

tempting project you're trying to rein in/don't have time for: all of them tbh… runners au really (it’s spawned into like three different fics of plot lines Plus an epistolary type companion…). i literally constantly come up w ideas (usually hyper specific aus) all the time ask dees it’s a PROBLEM for me. bc i have no time for any of them…

no pressure tags if u wld like <3 @userkritaaay @leclercenjoyer @drivestraight @oscarpiastriwdc @eyes-likepilotlights (i have not paid a ton of attention to who has done this/been tagged sorry)

adding more to the idea of modern!fmo reader and aemond: aemond is jealous af of the relationship his gf got with his brother and her boy bff (ser quinton my sweet lil meow meow) while simultaneously being the one that’s actually cheating😃

Ok now I’m just gonna do headcanons for modern!fmo bc I’m bored and love the idea (sorry this is long 😭)

-reader and Aemond meet through their moms rather through reader befriending Helaena (let’s say Alicent and reader’s mom are Pilates babes and go to the same studio)

-reader’s mom gushes about how her daughter goes to [insert rich people school], and Alicent is like shut up! one of my boys goes there (meanwhile reader’s mom knows this bc she religiously stalks Alicent’s Facebook)

- Aemond is a English major, with a minor in marketing, reader is studying biochemistry with a focus on plants/plant reproduction.

- they meet at a party Alicent throws for helaena getting her masters or something like that

- the first year of their relationship actually goes well. It’s basically the honeymoon phase, and both their moms think they are geniuses for making this happen

- in this universe, reader knows alys exist from the jump. And she’s like “oh your bestie is a pretty older woman yay 😃😃😃”

-reader is certain something is going on, but Aemond gaslights and lies to her. It isn’t until she finds some ummm.. intimate garments that she knows she does not wear. She’s almost positive alys left them on purpose. This is break up number one

-Aegon and reader become close after aemond, ever the coward, sends his brother to get back some of his stuff. They bond over liking the same obscure rock band

- funnily enough, quinton and reader meet through Helaena in this universe. The entomology major (hel) and the geology major (quinton) work closely at their school

-Aemond and reader get back together at a Christmas party. Aemond promises he’s not even in contact with alys anymore (another lie).

-quinton can’t stand Aemond. Thinks he’s so pretentious with the hair and the poetry (yes he writes it for reader). Aemond thinks quinton is just kind of stupid lmao

-Aegon is the one to tell reader that he def is still fooling around with alys again. Second break up

-this causes a bit of tension between Aegon and aemond.

-reader is certain she is done with Aemond. Then she finds out she’s pregnant :/. She honestly goes back and forth between keeping the baby

-eventually she breaks down and tells him bc she’s scared. Aemond, despite reader’s wishes, tells his mom. He’s scared too :(. Alicent, our queen, is like I’ll take you to the clinic if you want 🤷🏽‍♀️. She loves her kids but she had Aegon young and gets it’s not for everyone

-in the end, reader decides to keep the baby. Daella Targaryen is born 9 months later. Aemond and reader have a very beautiful, expensive sort of shotgun wedding. They have it when daella is a little over a year

-quinton, very drunk, confesses his love for reader in a voicemail she gets during her bachelorette party. Things get awkward for them after that :(

- things are actually kind of good considering the circumstances. They’re young but they also have way more resources than people in their peer group. By this point, reader is working part time at a laboratory trying to cure different illness through plants. Aemond works for his dad’s company

-eventually Aemond convinces reader to stay home with daella. Hints at maybe wanting another baby

- everything is fine, till reader finds texts. She’s not one to snoop but she sees heart emojis and is like “since when does my husband use emojis”. Texts going to and from a “A ❤️”.

-she starts to wonder if all those work trips are actually for work.

-reader takes daella while Aemond is away one weekend. They visit Aegon or uncle egg to daella. Aegon, a practicing defense attorney, is like “babe I can get you a good family divorce lawyer. We will milk him for everything.” 😭😭

- reader hires a p.I immediately, gets all the proof she needs. Pictures, calls, emails. This has started back up since daella was born.

-things get really messy when their half sister, Rhaenyra wants to do a merger deal with another company and their family one. As viserys declines in health, there becomes a struggle for power between Aemond and nyra

-Aemond begs reader to hold off on the divorce till they handle things. She agrees but they start to live in different houses. She plays the waiting game… but through all this craziness she realizes she hasn’t had her period

-alaric targaryen is born, and reader struggles with ppd. She feels a bit trapped. Her parents are telling her to stick through it and give Aemond another chance

-in the end, they end up separating for some time. They coparent, and things are pretty tense. Reader tells Aemond that alys is not allowed to be anywhere her kids or she will go back to get sole custody.

-one of the weekends they are doing a swap, Aemond breaks down and tells her that alys cheated on him. He actually apologizes and for a moment reader thinks that door is still open

-BUT.. she gets an text from a number she doesn’t recognize

Hey it’s quinton. Long time no talk. I was thinking we could get coffee the next time you are in town x

hiii!!! i loved part 6 so much!! i'm so happy with the angst cos i love angst lmao.

in the meantime, since your series has become my favorite 😭😭😭... while waiting for your next update, could you maybe (please) recommend me some jeonghan x y/n or oc fics that you loved? maybe angsty ones too if you know of any!

thank you so much, i love your work and i'll be patiently waiting for the next update <333

- 💟

Hi!! I'm so glad that you enjoyed part 6! Especially that you were happy with the angst haha, whenever I read angst I have to skim-read until I get to the resolution and then I can go back and read the finer details cause I get impatient 🫠

I'm so sorry I took so long to get to this by the way! I was like I need to set some serious time aside to rec these fics and then I just kept putting it off and then I just sat down to do this and remembered that I had recced Lovin’ Me by @/itsbeeble (an amazing angsty Jeonghan series btw in case you haven't read it yet- I'll rec this until I die) before and realized I've recced some recently so I'm just a dumb mess lol

I recced some Jeonghan stories at this post here in case you haven't seen that yet I also have this post here that I'm posting like at the same time as this but those are mostly fluffy this is not..?

A short Jeonghan enemy smut by @constantlyoncoupsbrainrot

Some general stories I just love are:

Push it down (sooner or later it all comes out) by @dontflailmenow a Seungcheol camboy series which is ridiculously good (Also I have read I think Jen's whole masterlist now...? Every story she writes is good I highly suggest it)

Also Sapiosexual by @smileysuh is.... I read it recently because I'm trying to read more stuff here and it was such a good read. It's about sugar daddy!Cheol and I feel like that's all that has to be said? so good

Hi! Will you stop taking T before you reach a point where you cannot be perceived as a butch lesbian anymore or is that not something that would be a problem for you ? Because when I think about it my dyke ass would be mortified to look just like your average grown straight man. And even when comparing it to my attraction to women (which doesn’t really include straight women anymore) I would understand them all not being into me because I’d look too much like what they aren’t into, so there’s a balance here to find. But maybe that’s not the case for you?

i’m going to assume that this is asked in good faith, so let’s engage - because I feel like this is some rich queer theory to dive into

first off: it’s not just transmasc lesbians that struggle with the straight man dysphoria (yes, anon, that’s what you’re describing, dysphoria: an unhappiness with society and one’s perceived place within it). i’m sure you can imagine that tma lesbians must particularly struggle with this - and perhaps a way to ease that dysphoria a little for the trans dykes in your life is to refrain from admitting your disgust at the idea of looking like a huge percentage of the world’s population. and instead remember that straight men have the capacity to love and uplift women just as lesbians have the capacity to hurt the women in their lives. perhaps it would be easier to then recognize straight men as potential collaborators in the fight for women’s liberation.

And it’s not the end of the world to be mistaken for a straight guy. no one can take my dyke card away, I know who I am and where I’m coming from. And hey, I think I would rather be mistaken for a random straight man than be mistaken for Ellen, and I would rather be mistaken for a random cis guy than Buck Angel. Every identity group has their annoying fucks no one can stand.

So to address your question anon - will I stop taking hormones? the answer is I don’t know! So much of the anti trans rhetoric right now revolves around the “irreversible” changes of HRT and the “regret” that may follow. I worry that we, as trans queers, have taken some of that propaganda to heart; I sense this fear amongst other trans people that our future selves may rue and lament the ways we build our bodies today. What if I want to detransition later and hate myself for what i’ve done/become? And I’m all for being cautious and making sure you truly want something before diving head first - but I want trans people to extend grace towards themselves, to practice loving ourselves in the here and now and not worry what a future version of ourselves may want. Regret is an unavoidable emotion in life, it’s okay to feel regret, I know that if I end up one day regretting taking testosterone I will survive.

So for now I have no plans on stopping testosterone. I don’t have any benchmarks I want to hit before I know it’s time to stop or anything. I’m just going to keep taking T for as long as it feels good to do so. That may be for as long as I live, that may be until next month - I have no idea. I know that no matter what, I am a working class queer latino butch anarchist. I am very secure in that identity and I don’t need anyone to validate it for me—i’m living it every day.

and as far as attracting other lesbians - i’m mainly t4t so it’s not much of a problem, other trans people get it, and we’re all horny for each other. and there’s definitely no shortage of queer cis women who are into me (albeit a little fetishistically). really who i’m struggling with is the femboys! let me take care of you and buy you cute lingerie PLEASE I swear i’m butch enough 😫

Do you think you’ll get another cat with Anders passing? RIP

I’m hoping to hold off for awhile, but I also said that same thing when Wrex passed so we’ll see. I’ve seen a serious decline in Chloe’s health in the past month or two and I think we’re approaching the end for her. I’m hoping to have at least a few more good months with her but I also know she’s been on borrowed time for a couple years now. I’m planning to kind of see how things play out with her first.

I also want to focus on Otto’s tank upgrade first. I’ve got the aquarium stand and now I just need to get the aquarium itself. The whole endeavor is gonna end up pretty pricey and time consuming so I’d like to get that over with first!

And then the final thing is that I have a family vacation coming up in the end of October. It’s only a 4 day trip but I obviously don’t want to bring a new cat home and then just a couple weeks later be out of town and leave my sitter to deal with a newbie.

That being said I do tend to keep an eye on petfinder and I did look today during my lunch 🙃 i have a problem

Part 2 of the Family Descriptions

Lege is a complex character who clearly struggles with his own demons. He has a tough attitude, but deep down he cares about the people around him and is loyal to his family. His physical disability may cause him frustration and self-esteem issues, but he uses his wit and intelligence to compensate. He values his independence and can be prickly when others try to control him, but he also needs support from his loved ones when he faces challenges.

Despite his disability, he strives to be independent and self-sufficient, which can often cause him to butt heads with his adopted family. While Lege can be dismissive of the people around him, he is fiercely protective of those he cares about and would do anything for them. Another interesting aspect of Lege is his dark, almost brooding sense of style, which is reflected in the fact that he works at Hot Topic, a youth-oriented alternative clothing and accessory store. His goth-inspired look and his sarcastic sense of humor give him a cool, intimidating aura, but he also has a softer side that he only lets his loved ones see.

He has light blond hair with a single pink streak, deep blue eyes and a scowl that seems to be permanently etched on his face. He sports a cane and a special shoe, which help to keep him stable due to a foot defect. His style is a mix of punk and Goth, with a heavy emphasis on black and dark colors, piercings, and tattoos. Despite his… “tough” exterior, he’s very open to emotions making him vulnerable once you get to know him.

Wilde Kokiri is a 16 year old streamer from the Kokiri family who streams on the website Omni. He's a playful and kind-hearted young man who loves his fans with all his heart. He lives with his parents and brothers, but the fire that happened in the past has affected him and left him with scars that remind him of it. Despite his past, Wilde remains positive and optimistic about everything. He's always smiling, and his warm personality makes him a joy to be around. Wilde's long golden blond hair and light blue eyes make him stand out, and he's almost always seen with his older brother Twilight.

He has a large following on Omni and his enthusiasm for his content draws in many viewers. He often interacts with his fans and loves to make them laugh. He has a passion for gaming and loves to try out new games and share them with his viewers. He is a dedicated big brother to his younger siblings, always looking out for them.

Wilde is a young man with long golden blond hair and piercing light blue eyes. He has a cheerful demeanor and is always smiling, making him easy to like for those who don't know him. His scars are a result of a fire that happened in the past, a traumatic event that still haunts him. Despite his lighthearted demeanor, Wilde is always ready to step up for those who need him, and his warm personality makes him a joy to be around.

Four is 16, he’s a shy but intelligent young man who is a bookworm. He is somewhat isolated and often stays in his own world, which makes it difficult for him to connect with others. He suffers from DID which is a mental health condition characterized by the presence of multiple distinct personalities within one individual, which adds a whole new layer of complexity to his personality. Despite the challenges he faces, Four tries his best to navigate through life and make the most of the hand he was dealt.

Four’s experiences of being adopted by the Kokiri family and suffering from not only his parents abandoning him and DID may have left him feeling disconnected and isolated from others. As a result, he may struggle with social interactions and forming close relationships. Four may feel like an outsider and like no one truly understands him. However, despite his challenges, Four is a resilient and determined young man who is always seeking to learn and grow. He is a deep thinker and loves to explore different ideas and perspectives.

Four is a 16-year-old boy with short blond hair and light blue eyes. He is of shorter stature than his brothers and often gets teased for this. Despite this, Four is highly intelligent and well-read, with a deep love for learning and knowledge-seeking. He likes to spend his time alone, either buried in a book or lost in thought.

Hyrum is a talented young artist from the Kokiri family who has an immense passion for creating artwork of fantasy and mythical creatures. Although he may have challenges due to being on the autism spectrum, Hy is a very kind and respectful individual who has a great deal of love for his family and friends. Despite his age, he is a very mature and independent young man who takes pride in his abilities. He is often seen carrying his sketchbook around with him and spends hours upon hours creating beautiful, imaginative artwork of all kinds. Hy is an inspiration to those around him and his passion for art is truly commendable. 

Hy has a unique approach to life and sees the world through his own creative lens. He adores his Kokiri family and the comfort and support they provide him. He is proud to be part of such a supportive, adopted family. Malon and Time are proud to call him their son. 

Hy has a semi short and slender build, with a gentle way about him. He has shaggy brown hair and large, thoughtful green eyes. His features are delicate, with a soft, friendly expression that belies his intelligence and creative mind. Hy is never seen without his trusty sketchbook and his love of art and fantasy creatures is evident in his clothing and accessories. He has a warm and inviting presence, which attracts others to him and makes him a pleasure to be around.

Wind, is a 9-year-old Kokiri boy who lives with his family on 1998 Hateno Drive. Despite being the youngest of his siblings, Wendell has a mischievous streak and often speaks without a filter, causing him to use a lot of profanity. Despite his sometimes rude demeanor, Wendell is a kind child who cares deeply for his family and friends. He is a huge fan of memes and frequently uses his phone to browse and share them with others.

Wendell is a bit of a loose cannon. He's a free spirit who doesn't always think things through before acting. His wild personality and willingness to try new things can be endearing, but it also often gets him into trouble. Wendell has a big heart, but his temper can sometimes get the best of him. He loves to joke around and make people laugh, but he can also be a bit of a troublemaker. Despite his flaws, Wendell is a loyal friend and always there for those he cares about.

Wind is a 9-year-old Kokiri with short blonde hair, deep blue eyes, and a mischievous smile. He has a wiry build and often wears his favorite shirt, a light blue lobster tee shirt. Despite his feral appearance, he is a kind and caring person who is always there for his friends and family. He has the ability to be silly and goofy, which can be endearing but also get him into trouble. 

how DID you become a max girlie ? ❤️

This accidentally turned very long-winded so it’s going under a read more. TLDR: I consumed all content of Daniel I could get my hands on, which naturally included a ton of Max, and he really struck me as just a weird little guy that I wanted to put in a glass jar and shake around. Related, this tiktok makes my heart burst with fondness and it explains a lot of the “I just want to perform science experiments on him and keep him fed and warm” attitude I have towards him.

It started with the on the sofa videos. He was so funny and lively, and I was extremely confused why everyone made him out to be this soulless robot. He’s clearly very passionate and serious about what matters to him (racing), but he’s just a completely normal, fun guy. Maybe his personality isn’t for everyone - he’s not going to fake nice and he doesn’t have the same universal charisma that someone like Daniel does, but he’s so funny and entertaining in a more subtle way. Daniel constantly talking about how Max is unintentionally funny is exactly it. Max is so himself, unshakeable and matter-of-fact with a little bit of goofiness and inappropriate jokes. Also, the way Max is so unimpressed by fame and celebrity is so refreshing. He doesn’t give a fuck about status, he cares if you’ll listen to his stories about his cats or play iracing with him or indulge his long-winded explanations about every nuance of the car. It’s nice to see how utterly unaffected he is by the fame.

I was already becoming turned around on him around winter-time with all this content, but I didn’t know how I’d feel about him going into a season. I started watching some old races, and he was so much fun to watch. Then I made the potentially poor choice to search “Max Verstappen” on tiktok and oooo boy. I came out of that three hours later in a fog of fondness and that weird kind of protective attraction that first strikes a lesbian’s heart when she’s about to add another little guy to her eclectic collection of celebrity men.

I’m not used to individual sports since I only watch team ones, but I became really obsessed with Max’s drive and determination to win without apology. It’s so much fun - I can’t believe people hate him for Brazil. That shit was both petty and deserved. He has his morals and beliefs and he will stand by them, and he’s not rolling over for his teammate who was happy to screw him over. I wasn’t a Max fan then, but I was so thrown off by the outrage and hatred for him. Even if we didn’t know it was about Monaco, Max takes racing so seriously. I know he wouldn’t fuck around in a race and have had these talks with the team beforehand if it wasn’t for a legitimately founded reason. I think people just want to think the worst of him at all costs.

Then I became extra endeared from his documentary. That man loves racing so much that he puts up with the utter bullshit he has to deal with every race weekend - he seemed so stressed by crowds, extra interviews, etc. He’s not here for that and doesn’t want to put on this show. He just wants to drive. And then at home and with his family, he was so soft and funny. There were so many fun little nuggets of information (Max having a Harley? Okay, slay). Of course, the cat bits were deeply important as well. It’s obvious how much his childhood affected him, even when he usually laughs off what his dad put him through or avoids discussing how he grew up largely without his mom and sister. I found him a really resilient person who became a talented driver and genuinely kind-hearted person in spite of Jos’ shit.

I love that he doesn’t put on an act with the media. I am so sick of the same platitudes, the recycled and sickly sweet and fake ways to talk around shit. I think f1 in general is way better for getting real, raw quotes (I cannot emphasize enough how fucking unbearably boring hockey pressers are. If you get a coach saying a ref did a bad job, he’s getting fined and the whole hockey world will debate it for three days). But Max in particular doesn’t hide his contempt for their bullshit and tells it how it is. It’s so funny to watch him put people in their place.

Also: cat dad. Cat dad. Cat dad!!! Very important quality to me. I know people joke about cat dads being a green flag, but they really are. Max is so sweet with his little demons. He’s also so soft and kind to children, always making time for them (which is bare minimum human decency obviously, but it’s very cute how good he is with them as well. He really engages with them and gets down to their level and understands their boundaries well - like with that girl at silverstone who was very obviously overwhelmed and shy, and he talked with her while very carefully keeping his distance to make sure she was comfortable and felt safe and had a good experience).

In sum: there was no one moment where a light bulb just went on, but he grew on me so much the more I learned about him. It’s so much fun being a Max fan (and I don’t just mean winning, though that’s very fun after being a long-suffering fan of a cruel flop hockey team). The community of Max fans is so much fun, just celebrating all his weirdness and bad habits, and genuinely loving and embracing him for all his track terrorism and obvious hatred of the f1 circus. I’ve never seen so many people talk about wanting to eat a man (his love handles and thighs are that good though, very true). Letting myself actually learn about him and love him instead of trying to conform to the peer f1blr pressure to hate on him once I realized there might be something more to him (even when half those people seem to secretly consume and enjoy content with him anyway while pretending they can’t stand any part of him) is the best thing I’ve ever done.

hi, i want to start writing stories, and i admire your work, and i have a few questions if you don't mind, have you always been good at writing, do you write something everyday and how did you feel confident enough to start posting your work?

have i always been good at writing? no. absolutely not. i have always written things (evidence: the 1k novel i wrote in third grade about a dolphin adopted by a lobster which lacked quotation marks) if that’s what you’re asking.

writing, like all things, only truly improves with practice (and reading, absorbing information is no joke). sometimes i read things i wrote in the last year and have to sit and question myself for a good hour on exactly what i was thinking. my first work on tumblr was god awful, but i can admire it from afar because it got me where i am.

i personally think i lack the natural affinity for writing because i struggled in school and couldn’t really read until i was 10, but you’ll find your niche and it’ll work out.

do i write something everyday? ummm unfortunately no. i certainly think about writing every day, but typically i write 2-3 times a week during a good writing period. though! i wish i was disciplined enough to write something everyday because if would probably make writing a lot easier and less strenuous for me

(take that with a grain of salt though because i have a terrible attention span and can’t sit still for periods longer than 10 minutes. recently i’ve been writing when we’re slow at work, if that means anything to you)

how did i feel confident enough to start posting my work? simply put, i didn’t. i still don’t most days. writing is an entirely debilitating experience in my opinion and it sucks! i hate it! it makes me feel like walking on a thousand legos!

but if you’re feeling nervous about posting something, i encourage you to just do it. don’t worry about what others will think. when i posted my first story (on here, don’t ask about the eras before) i didn’t really like it, but my readers did. and that made it worth it to keep posting more. if you’ve got an idea that you’re passionate about, go for it! no one’s going to write it like you will.

honestly, i try not to take my writing too seriously (and i do a terrible job, obviously) because it’s supposed to be an escape from all of the terrible things about the world. so i’ll keep pretending it is an escape (wink wink). so, write whatever story you want, and post it on every platform across the earth. someone, like me, will love it.

i love hardcore phil So much i want to Put him in a terrarium full of moss And bugs and maybe A worm or Two.. and then place the terrarium on my desk to see what he does