#and how that affects everyone on very different levels and reactions | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

stannussy · 2 months

Text

A closer look to Transandrophobia

TL;DR: I think that it is GOOD as trans mascs to talk about our specific struggles that we face when taking, choosing and talking about masculinity and transness BUT I think there should be more nuance and careful as to how we approach the topic as not to fall into misogynistic patterns and other pitfalls.

On one hand I understand the grievances inherited with begin a trans masculine person and having a cis woman try to enact transphobic abuse against you, especially if done behind the veil of femininity (seen as submissive) and you begin a masculine person (seen as inherently violent): Most of the transphobia I faced was exactly like that, try to use femininity as an excuse to abuse me, sometimes even as something to try and control me with, a monstrous masculine "other-me" that could only be tamed if I could try to be more, well, woman-y. I was just begin openly me: which is masculine.

It's also important to point out that a lot of the blogs to first coined the term we're POC trans men, that was no coincidence, a lot of femininity, a white one to be more specific was used against MOC, it was a way to keep control over them as an insidiously evolved form of racism, that pointed at gender roles, instead of race. That’s why trans men of color we’re the first to point out the problem on certain spaces, we already knew the tactic, in this case a form of transphobia that was camouflaged to pass around more progressive circles but especially targeted trans men.

Although I understand the issue transandrophia tries to point out (Which is transphobia but just directed at trans mascs specifically.) I also cannot get 100% behind the term because yes, we talk a lot about cis women doing the harm, again, due to deeply ingrained gender roles that even the oppressed now feels the need to correct to another oppressed group. I've also seen the glaring empty spot for cis men in the discussion, we already take them for granted to be transphobic, almost as if the abuse we get from women is worst due to already having it taken for granted that they we're going to ally with us. In a way its giving cis men more of a leeway, perpetuating the cycle of patriarchal control into the micro cosmos that is progressive spaces. We should hold other men accountable, god, we should, we all bark but no bite.

There is an inherent danger on this discussion which is again to fall into the same patterns of old; as masculine people thinking we are owed something from our feminine contra parts, companions, friends, family, etc. And the resentment begin solely that a debt not paid, instead of the actual harm which is transphobia.

The danger is attracting actual misogynist trans mascs to use the term as not a way to describe a particular instance of transphobia but to use it as leverage towards fems and not any fems, trans women would be the first affected by this, instead of the cis women (and by this I mean a group of them, not cis women as a whole, god no.) that want to perpetuate gender roles for their own gain. Younger trans mascs, trans men in particular, could fall into these bad faith actors, we already seen it with transmedicalism and of things created by POC that then are coined by white people for wildly different means.

My conclusion is: The point is to break these cycles of abuse, we should talk about our issues, of course! But we also we should be on the lookout as not to recent our fem counterparts, cis, trans, in the middle, damn even more feminine leaning trans mascs. Just because of a few decided to use their gender as a way to enact harm towards you, that doesn’t mean it’s a rule of thumb: It might surprise you how trans positive some people turn out to be but also how misogynistic some trans mascs turn out to be.

It’s all about looking into ourselves and confront our own bias, to heal our own traumas, as much as that means a bruised ego to keep in check as not to grieve for a subconscious privilege that was promised but loosed from the patriarchy but for the actual harm that is done: Abuse, transphobia and denial of our basic right of begin ourselves.

#transandrophobia #like i cant fucking take another round of trans men making a fool of themselves and begin fucking assholes towards trans women/cis women #like healthy masculinity i think it should be also confronting the inherent bias of living on a mysoginistic culture yknow what im saying??#and how that affects everyone on very different levels and reactions #but for the love of god pleaseee remain kind #like i dont like the word bc it looks like a 'reaction' to trans*misoginy which again could be used by bad faith actors #but i do understand what it's trying to say #tw: transphobia #tw: misoginy

12 notes · View notes

transmascissues · 10 months

Text

god, stuff like this is such a punch to the gut. i usually don’t feel that emotionally affected by comments like this other than being angry at them, but it’s so different when it’s someone i genuinely really respect, who seems to be very conscious of these things, who’s making a point of being a vocal ally, and they still just don’t see how people really treat us.

so much of the current legislation against trans healthcare (i would argue the vast majority of it, if not literally all of it) is founded upon denial of our bodily autonomy and fearmongering about our transitions. people call us predators and abusers for having and feeding our children. a huge number of people pretty recently jumped on a singular incidence of violence as “proof” that testosterone turns us all into evil monsters. people talk about how we’re stealing our bodies from them and say that if they could just grope us or have sex with us, we’d see that we’re really women. we ask for something as simple as the use of language that includes us so that we can better access the healthcare we need, and even that is asking too much.

but sure, people don’t really have a problem with us being men, so everyone can just stop bothering with affirming that we are who we say we are because clearly people are already on board with that idea, right?

and of course, it’s upsetting on a personal (one might say parasocial) level because it just sucks to see someone you respect openly state that they don’t think the things happening to your community are really happening. that was the initial reaction i had — i know this is one person, a fallible person, who i have no true relationship with, but it still feels like a betrayal of some sort to read that.

the thing that really gets me, though, is that there are a lot of people who trust him (whether rightly or not) to be a good source of info, and a lot of those people are going to see this and just take it at face value. they’re not going to look into it, they’re just going to accept that people really don’t have a problem with us and they’re going to feel empowered to look the other way when we’re under attack. i’m sure he wouldn’t want people to take the things he says at face value without fact-checking them, but the fact remains that most people will do just that and will proceed to not give a shit about us because they don’t think they have to.

it’s one thing to see this coming from some random person. it’s another entirely when it’s someone you already liked and respected, and who has a large audience who are likely to trust the things they say.

and it just…would’ve been so easy to not say it, to just say “they’re men!” and let that message stand without immediately undermining its importance.

#i dont give a shit about what garden variety transphobes think but shit like this? yeah that hurts #i usually dont love ‘trans men are men’ being The Ally Statement but god. the implications of even That being seen as overkill #like no!!!! we need people saying MORE than that not justifying why they dont have to say anything at all!!!!!!!#examples of transandrophobia #transandrophobia #transandromisia #transmisandry #virilmisia #virilphobia #anti transmasculinity #transmascphobia #trans men #transmascs

1K notes · View notes

faulty-writes · 7 months

Note

Maybe some headcanons where Bakugou, Tamaki, and Mirio are hit by a quirk that makes them behave mostly the opposite of themselves for a few days to a week.

Bakugou is kind and gentle towards the reader and so visibly in love. He's become quite the gentleman!

Tamaki is super energetic, extremely romantic, and declares his affections in front of at least his entire class.

And Mirio is so very, very gloomy but he's practically attached to the reader and says they're, "One of the precious few rays of light left in this gray, gray world."

[ I really like this request. Hah, personality changes are the best! ]

Katsuki's behavior shocked everyone, including you. Being his usual hot-headed self, he ended up in a quirk accident that changed his personality. When Mr. Aizawa assured you, the effects would be only temporary, you were grateful because Katsuki acting so…sweet, and gentle was just as frightful as when he was his usual self.

Normally, he would be protective of you, but now it's different. "Here, I don't want you to get wet," he said, holding the umbrella over you while he got soaked. "Nothing will happen to me, but someone like you shouldn't be caught out in the rain," he smiled sweetly at you while you trembled in response.

If someone talked to you in the wrong way, he'd pull you close and say, "Please don't speak that way to Y/n, they mean a lot to me, yeah?" Despite this, his loving gaze resembled his angry one and you tried to believe that the real Katsuki Bakugou was still somewhere inside him.

"Let's cuddle!" he would announce bluntly, no matter who was around. If you didn't respond fast enough, he'd pull you into his lap by force. He'd have his arms wrapped tightly around your waist as he nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck.

There was more thought put into your dates and he showed a greater interest in your hobbies. He would take you to your favorite restaurant or spend the evening in the dorm reading or watching a movie. He didn't get angry when others commented on how romantic or sappy he was, unlike before.

He could only react in anger when the effects of the quirk wore off and everyone shared the stories of what he did. "What the hell do you mean I did all that!?" He demanded, explosions sounding from his hands. It was only natural for you to smile because you missed the hotheaded Katsuki.

"Stay close to me, I love you so much…you're so kind and sweet and I can't bear to be apart from you!" To say Tamaki's reaction was surprising would be an understatement. It was like his hero persona times a thousand when he talked so bluntly about his affection for you. But his sudden personality change was credited to a quirk incident.

"I got these for you! They're so gorgeous, just like you. I…I just wanted to thank you for being my biggest fan and….love. I love you so much! I don't care who knows it!" He said after marching over to your desk in the morning and presenting you with the largest bouquet of flowers you had ever seen.

"Wow, another love letter for you! Guess this quirk accident brought out the more loving side of Amajiki, huh?" Nejire teased. It was clear she meant no harm, but Tamaki's love letters were beginning to get out of control. Since the incident, you must have found one to two in your locker every day.

During training exercises, it was normal for friends to cheer for you, but Tamaki took that to another level. The fact that he shouted your name enthusiastically and formed letters with his tentacles was endearing, but it was also distracting.

"Don't rub it off this time, okay!" He said, pressing a small kiss against your cheek. "I just want to kiss you forever!" he exclaimed trailing kisses across your reddened face. You hoped you wouldn't have to adjust to his lack of shame when it came to public affection.

"T-that's horrifying! W-why would I d-do all that!?" He squeaked out, hiding his face behind his hands as he appeared to be close to a panic attack. While part of you missed the proud and outspoken Tamaki, this version was the one you loved.

A quirk incident transformed Mirio into an emotional rollercoaster in a whole new way, and all the good parts of his personality vanished, leaving only doom and gloom behind.

As a result, he lost all his confidence and motivation, not to mention he questioned his purpose as a hero. "Don't get me wrong…having a quirk is great…but…my quirk is just so lame compared to others and if I don't have a cool, flashy quirk..then what's the point?" You wondered whether those were his real thoughts or if his mind was also thrown back to middle school.

"You're truly my only source of sunshine…the rest of this world is…dull and gray to me…" Mirio sought your company whenever and wherever he could, he didn't care if others were watching when he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close, almost as if he was trying to hide from the gray world he described.

As his self-confidence dwindled, he refused to attend class and skipped hero training. To your surprise, he began discussing new dreams unrelated to his previous lifelong dream of becoming a hero. These included exploring new interests and hobbies and you could only remain supportive.

"I can't stand this gloomy world without you. If you left…I don't know what I'd do…I'd just wither away," you assumed this was his way of expressing his gratitude that you hadn't abandoned him during the long week following the quirk accident.

"Hah! Wow, really? I can't believe that quirk accident made me think so negatively about becoming a hero and yes, my quirk may not be flashy but I can still save the world," he said after all the quirk effects wore off. Then he poked your nose and with a cheesy grin said, "Thanks for putting up with me! I totally owe you one!"

613 notes · View notes

befuddled-calico-whump · 11 months

Text

✨Content Tagging Guide✨

disclaimer: this is not directed at anyone, nor was it sparked because I've seen anyone mistagging anything. I just like lists and I'm going to make it everyone's problem :)

So you wanna write a story with darker themes, but are mayhaps a little uncertain about all the different content warnings you've seen.

Not to worry! Hopefully this quick guide will clear things up. To illustrate each level, I'm going to use macaroni and cheese as the content example. Without further ado...

cw: macaroni and cheese

^^this warning is very general. It tells the reader the content will show up at some point within the text, but doesn't specify the detail, use, or extent.

cw: macaroni and cheese (mentioned)

They drove through town, past the busy main street, and the factory where the local brand of macaroni and cheese got its packaging.

This warning tells readers the content will be mentioned; maybe in dialogue, or in a description, but not explored in detail.

cw: macaroni and cheese (discussed)

"I'm lactose intolerant," he said. "So I can't---well, I shouldn't eat stuff like that."

"But you did anyway?" they pressed. "I'm sorry, just... How did it feel? After?"

"Awful. I really should've listened to my common sense and ordered something besides mac and cheese."

As you'd expect, this warning tells the reader that the content will be discussed, either in conversation, or through a character's thoughts. Discussions can involve the moral implications of the content, how the content fits within the world, philosophies relating to the content, and the emotional or lasting effects of the content on a character.

cw: macaroni and cheese (referenced)

He tapped her shoulder. "Hey, I didn't see you after work yesterday, you okay?"

"Fine now," she said, shrugging. "I just had a bad batch of mac and cheese for lunch."

Very similar to "mentioned", this warning often implies a non-explicit, non-graphic mention of the content.

cw: macaroni and cheese (implied)

He frowned down at the bowl, then averted his eyes, appetite lost by the gooey yellow mass inside, and the heavy, creamy smell wafting off it.

This warning tells readers that the content is not outright stated, but the character's reactions and actions imply what's going on. If you could remove the context from the scene/paragraph in question and make it look like something else is happening, you probably have implied content. Note that there is a difference between simply "implied", and "heavily implied".

cw: macaroni and cheese (fade to black)

She took her seat at the table, queasiness building in her stomach. Her least-favorite food was to be served, and while she knew it would be rude to decline it, she wasn't looking forward to lunch. As the dreaded bowl was placed before her, she picked up the fork, and plunged it in.

Similar to implied, but instead of carrying on through the scene the content takes place in, fade to black builds up to the moment, and stops, often transitioning to the next scene before the content is given any kind of detail.

cw: macaroni and cheese (non-explicit)

For lunch, he was served a bowl of mac and cheese, one of his least favorite meals. He choked it down anyway, and hoped he wouldn't get an upset stomach.

This tells the reader the content will be present in some form, but not described in detail. It may have some active bearing on the character or plot, but won't be particularly graphic. While the character may be emotionally affected after the fact, the content itself is glossed over.

cw: macaroni and cheese (explicit)

The bowl was placed in front of him, steam still rising from the substance inside. He knew what it was before he looked. Mac and cheese. And he'd have to devour the entire bowl of it. He lifted the first forkful, strands of yellow cheese trailing from squishy curved noodles, all the way back into the bowl, even as he raised it to his mouth. Damn, it was extra cheesy. He knew his lactose intolerance just wouldn't hold up.

This is often used as the heaviest warning, telling readers that the content and the characters' reactions to it will be described in detail.

Again, this was something I mostly just wrote for fun, and to dramatize mac and cheese but I do hope someone out there finds it helpful. Let me know if there's a type I missed! :)

#most of this is commonly known but I Like List #writing reference #whump community #whump meta #writing resources #content guide

882 notes · View notes

nrdmssgs · 11 months

Note

I'm crazy and this is mainly based off my oc, but yn is prices adopted daughter that works with him, and the read is like 22-24 and price is supposed to be 45, and he kept it a secret because he's want to protect yn. I wanna see how the 141/könig reaction, can be romantic or platonic don't care lol, yes i know it's stupidly specific, but I'm stupidly specific.

The reader being Prices adopted daughter (part1)

Masterlist

Summary: you are Johns adopted daughter. This is how different members of the 141 find out about that and how they react.

AN: Hi! I'm almost through with this absolutely beautiful request! I've decided to split it into two parts, I really hope, you don't mind. I've kept it all really platonic and very comforting, and I just wanted to express my gratitude for such a wholesome request! Two important remarks: 1. My interpretation of your OC has turned to be a bisexual person. 2. The order in which the characters appear in the story does not affect their proximity to the main character in any way. This is simply the order in which the characters learned that she was Price's adopted daughter. She loves them all the same) I will, of course, tag you in the second part!!

There were four important names in your life. In your darkest hours, you kept repeating them in your mind. They were so much more than just colleagues, teachers, friends… they all were your family.

John

You were the oldest in your group in an orphanage. Others came and went, but not you. It happened so that you had to grow up ahead of time, get used to the fact that adults more often wanted to adopt babies. But you accepted this world and the rules. You never thought of it as some kind of noble mission, but you took care of your younger friends, worried about them, rejoiced with them. Whenever someone from your group left the shelter forever, you are separated from your friend, but at the same time rejoiced. Caregivers jokingly called you “the Keeper” sometimes, as you cared for other kids as much as a director of the orphanage.

So when one day one of your teachers came up to you after class and said, "There's someone here who wants to meet you," and pointed to a man standing in the doorway, you were confused. The teacher led you to a stranger, and he squatted down so that your eyes were on the same level. "Hi. I'm John." He held out his hand, but noticing your uncertainty, lowered it and smiled warmly at you.

You hit it off quickly. John asked you a lot about life at the orphanage, about your interests. He himself turned out to be an incredibly interesting person: he visited all the corners of the world that you heard about on TV. John told you about jungles and canyons, about villages where all the roads were just small bridges thrown over the water, about ghost towns where it is so cold in winter that the steam from the mouth immediately turns into snow. Your stories seemed not that big to you. What is the story of how you and your friends fed a bumblebee worth compared to John's travels? You were embarrassed by this and quickly reduced such conversations to stories about your younger friends. What if he likes someone and takes one of them home?

“You seem to care for all of them dearly.” Johns looks on the horizon as you two sit on the bench. “You have it in you, kid. Willingness to help, to stand up for them. I see it clearly. Teach me to be like that, will ya?”

You look at him with big eyes full of disbelief. What can you teach him, an adult? Are you used to everyone teaching you something...

"I'm not doing anything special..." You look high into the sky above you. "Well, when any of them is very sad, I hug him with all my might. Maybe you can try to do the same and become like me?"

"Hug with all my might?" John chuckles. "Yes, Simon will be impressed..." But then he sees your worried stare and encourages you, "Hey, that's great advice! I'll try it. But I think, it's now time for you to have dinner, and for me to go home. Don`worry, kid, I promise to come in a week and update you on my progress!"

You do not believe that this man will return, so you try not to wait for him. Most often, adults come back for babies. You remember it. But he comes back a week later. Then he visits you again and again.

Then you end up visiting him. John has a whole house with a backyard! You build a bird feeders together, play board games late into the night, and even go hiking.

These are the best days of your life, and when it's time to go back to the orphanage, you turn your back on John and hide your tears, so he won't notice. "Hold on just a little longer, kid. I'll sort it out soon," he says, and puts a hand on your shoulder.

Whenever he takes you to his house, he gives you something: a plushie or a book or some clothes. But you never took those gifts to your orphanage because you were afraid that one day he would simply stop coming, disappear from your life, and all these trinkets would remind you of him. This little biter habit of yours broke Johns heart over and over again. You were still a child, but you were already afraid to get attached to someone.

One day he takes you back to his house once again. After an evening with cocoa and a board game, he hands you a simple envelope. "This is something very important. Take a look. I need your opinion on it." You are confused, but still open the envelope and start reading the document, that was inside it. You can hardly make out the text, overloaded with terms you are unfamiliar with. And then, little by little, understanding comes to you and the letters begin to blur before your watering eyes.

“Is… is it? I…” You try to say anything, but words fail you. So you jump off your chair and run to John. He barely has time to move away from the table when you do not even hug him - you cling to him with such force, as if your life depended on it. You've always tried to hide your tears in front of him, but now they're rolling and rolling down your face. John hugs you back and pats your head to comfort you. “It's ok, it's ok, I got you. You're gonna be ok, little one. We're gonna be ok. Not ok even - we're gonna be good. Together.” His voice is soft and quiet.

Simon

“I'll need you to take the mask off this time. Don't want you to scare anyone in m`house.” Ghost grants John a side eye and scoffs. “John Price lives alone no more?” John nods and continues to drive silently. Initially, Ghost was supposed to visit Captains house just for business, but now he is tormented by curiosity. “Someone trustworthy?” Ghosts voice is still muffled with the mask. “The most trustworthy person out there,” John smiles and Simon takes the mask off. Ghost enters the house before Price, who lingered at the trunk in search of something. Simon hears joyful kids voice. "John is back!" A girl of about twelve years of age runs down the stairs with a loud clatter. But when she sees Simon, she stops in her tracks. Price often leaves for some time, and she is already used to the fact that strangers often appear in the house: Johns relatives, acquaintances who look after the child while he is away. But Simons menacing appearance made her dumbfounded. She takes a tiny step back when Price's voice comes from the street. “It's ok, kid. This is mister Riley, he's my colleague and friend.” Both Ghost and the girl look at each other startled, not knowing what to say. John finally comes into the house and defuses the situation. "Look who we met on the way home," he says, and hands the girl a plush tiger cub. Her face immediately changes and she happily skips to John.

At dinner, she sits her new toy next to her and bombards Price with questions about his work and stories about what she has been doing in his absence. Simon looks from her to John and remembers how the captain stayed in his office until late at night, endlessly filling out some forms a couple of years ago. Ghost thought it had to do with work, but when he once offered to help Price with this paperwork, John refused with strange zeal. And now Ghost sees, what was it all about. And it all was hella worth it: she was the nicest, most well-behaved and happiest kid, Simon seen in a while.

When they finished their dinner, the girl grinned conspiratorially. "Hey John! Guess what." And before Price could even react, she burst out impatiently and with ill-concealed delight: "I made your favorite dessert!"

"You? Or was it Aunt Meg?" John smirks and Simon realizes he's never seen the captain so happy before. "No, it's definitely me this time! She was just… looking out!"

Price walks into the kitchen and an awkward silence spreads across the living room. Although it seems that only Simon feels awkward - the girl stares at his tattoos with the most sincere interest. "Ehm, so you... love animals?" Ghost squints at the toy tiger cub. The girl smiles broadly and nods, never taking her eyes off Simon's arms. "Do you maybe… want to be a veterinarian when you grow up?" Simon continues this awkward conversation. "No!" She looks up at him and continues loudly, "When I grow up - I want to be a soldier like John!" The shrill sound of spoons and forks scattering across the floor comes from the kitchen.

“Soldier… I thought, kids in her age were supposed to want to become… I don't know, pop stars? Princesses? Figure skaters?” rants Price later that evening, when the girl is already sleeping and he and Simon are standing on a backyard.

“She doesn't want to become any soldier. She wants to be 'a soldier like John'. You are her hero, Captain.” Simon chuckles, masking the fact, that he envies Price a bit. The undisguised delight with which the girl looks at John, her admiration for even the simplest, most trivial of his stories… No money could buy that.

Ghost visited Prices house throughout several next years, and every time he gradually became more comfortable around the girl. In some time, they could hang out together without any awkwardness. She brought her homework down to the big table in a living room and asked Simon to tell her stories about his work with John. Of course Simon tried not to mention anything too disturbing, but it was difficult, and the stories came out short and inconsistent. But she still thrived on them. “Seems like you are quite good at what you do!” She sounds almost as exited as when she talks to John. “Quite good? Lieutenant Ghost is the legend, kid,” comments Price, entering the room. Little do John and Simon know, this was the exact moment, that predetermined the girl's life for years to come. Now she had not just one, but two heroes and a dream: to become like them.

A few years later, which flew by for Simon like a few days, he and John were already present at her oath. Of the two, Ghost, who kept aloof from the others, seemed the calmer. John seemed to be worried about everything: because his daughter was one of the shortest in her formation, because of the bad weather and the fact that she was about to get wet, because of the form "which was of much better quality back in his time" ... But when she got out of line, when she began to recite the text of the oath, Simon shuddered inwardly. Price's daughter, this little dear miracle, who had been running around the house what seemed like just yesterday in funny pajamas, was reciting the oath... Ghost couldn't believe it.

And when she, with burning eyes and a happy blush on her face, ran up to them and saluted with the words "Captain, Lieutenant", Simon felt his eyes tingle. He left her alone with John so that they could share this very special moment. But a few minutes later he heard her hurried steps and she lightly squeezed his arm in a short friendly hug. "Starting your service with insubordination?" Simon scolded her, but in fact it was one of the brightest, happiest moments of his life. He never thought that someone else's adopted child could become so important to him.

Johnny

“Let go!” The fabric of Soaps T-shirt was stretched, and the seams began to crackle dangerously, ready to burst. "Johnny, cut it out!" - your voice echoed between the gray walls of the neighboring buildings of your base. You tried to work things out quietly, but with Soap, that's impossible. If he decides something, it's as good as done.

You try to hold him by force, but it's not so easy: to a greater extent, it's not your hands that clutched at his T-shirt that stop him, but the risk of ruining that T-shirt forever.

"Hey Soap! The hell is going on here?" Price's voice sounds so close that both you and Johnny flinch and turn around at the same time. "She's holding me by force! And you still ask me what happened?" Soap sounds fierce, but his posture shifts, and he unconsciously shields you from Price, who is looking from him to you.

"Sorry, Captain. It's all right, the Sergeant and I were just joking." You answer, turning away from Price. But nothing ever escapes John. He walks around Soap, catches up with you and looks into your eyes. "You've been crying." It's not even a question, it's a statement. Price sees your reddened eyes, swollen eyelids. He also knows that you almost never cry. You want to be a good soldier so much, you look up to him and Ghost, you never let your emotions get the better of you. But if something brings you to tears... Something or someone... It's really bad.

“Gonna ask it once…” Prices eyes pierce right through the mask of dumb jolliness, you desperately try to put on. “What happened?” You try to come with anything, but your best shot just sounds pathetic “It's just an allergy, Captain…”

“Allergy my ass…” - Price walks around you and comes back to Soap. “Ok, Sergeant, let's see if you have anything better for me… Same question, I'm waiting.”

You look at Soap with a mute pleading, but he does not notice this, his eyes are riveted to Price. “She was dumped today. I wanted to find the bastard and have a word with him.” Soaps voice is still harsh from your fight. You shut your eyes and let go of his T-shirt at last. Price slowly exhales. You know that sound. A quiet long exhalation, a harbinger of a storm. “Who?” - Johns` voice sounds cold and distant.

“Your guess is as good as mine. She doesn't tell, so I was heading to the barracks to find out myself.” Soap finally looks at you, his gaze is absolutely fierce, as if rejecting you was some kind of personal insult to him.

Price turns around to you once more. One word is enough for him to express both a question and an ominous threat. “Name.” You shake your head, not daring to look up at him.

John clearly doesn't want so sound menacing to you. And if Soap wasn't around, Price would already wrap you in a tight embrace to hide you from your own pain. But the fact, that someone dared to hurt, to reject you, his little treasure (and it doesn't matter, that the last night you turned 22), makes his blood boil with rage. Of course, he is overprotective as your father, but he believes, it's you, who deserves to choose partners, and they just have to be eternally happy and grateful for your attention. You understand, that your problems have just doubled up… Now both Soap and Price are waiting for you to drop the name, and every next moment of silence seems to only make it worse.

“I need the name, kid. Now, there won't be any fights, we'll just talk. Nice and calmly… And if that bloody moron just happens to slip and fall on the Sergeant's fist - I may not notice …” your Captains` voice was quiet, menacingly quiet. Johnny didn't look any friendlier, his posture was tense and his eyes - furious. You bite your tongue, afraid to say a word. “As you wish. Off to the barracks we head then,” commands Price, and they walk past you.

In a fit of desperation, you take off and rush after them. "Wait! There's no need to 'talk' to anyone, please... It was Sarah... from the office."

They both stop in their tracks and look at each other. This... changed a lot. Of course, they still care about you and want to help, but now, obviously, they will have to reconsider their plans. Soap looks completely lost, Price checks time and rises his gaze back at you.

"In two hours, both of you. My office." Johns` voice is echoing in your head as they both leave you alone. It's hard to even roughly imagine what awaits you and why John also needed Soap. Perhaps the Captain just wanted to lecture you about relationships at work, and so he invited Johnny, who had several... similar experiences.

But when you and Soap meet on the threshold of Price's office at the appointed time, the captain silently nods to his desk with three empty glasses and a flask. The rest of the evening, these two vied with each other to tell you about different failures in their personal lives. At first you feel awkward, but gradually you relax. Some stories make you sigh sadly, others are so funny that you almost choke with laughter. Little by little, you're feeling less pain from being dumped. Yes, maybe you didn't get someone, you wanted, but you have John and Johnny, who are not embarrassed to tell you the most silly and sad personal stories, just to make you feel less alone even in such a situation.

When you leave Price's office, both you and Johnny's faces are flushed with constant laughter. He puts his hand on your shoulder and says: “Hey, don`ya spend y`tears on that dafty, ok? She lost more than you today! We'll find you a nice lass or lad, that papa Price approves of!” You almost fall over in surprise. Nobody but Ghost knew that Price had ever adopted you. Here at the military base, you and Price were just colleagues.

"What, you think m`blind?" Soap stops and stares at you. "The captain takes care of everyone in his own way, but arranging something like this... The last time, I was in a similar situation - the man just filled me up with paperwork so that I had no energy left for anything else." When he puts it that way, it darts to be obvious to you too: you may kept your secrets, but the way you and Price cared for each other was sometimes on the surface. “Johnny… I don't know, how to put it right, but we really try to keep it…”

“Keep just to yourselves? Dinae worry, I get it.” He smirks. “Price is protecting you and so will I from now on. So, ma mouths shut.”

And Johnny keeps his word: he never mentions how you are related to Price, never publicly reminisces about that evening at Captains office. And he also starts a whole operation to find and select the perfect candidate for you, but that's a whole another story.

404 notes · View notes

faislittlewhiteraven · 14 days

Text

Been thinking this a while but

You ever think about why the House and King in SASASAaP is so much worse than it is in ISaT?

Like, at first I put it down to just 'different timelines/different worlds' but the more I think about it, the more I've realized it is very much the same world and King and the difference specifically lies with the two game's respective Siffrins.

Why the House is so different: In Act 5 of ISaT when Sif 2.0 is running around losing his mind, the House very clearly warps around him. At first this seems to be just Sif's perception of events but when the friends come to rescue him, they bring up that the rooms were warped around, which means that Sif's Wish Craft doesn't just warp time but also space. Because ISaT Sif on some level didn't want the loops to end, the House grew longer, pathways stopped making sense, they were lead to every room of the house where they had any kind of precious memory with their family (but notably not the rock trap room) etc...

And clearly the same thing is happening to the House in SASASAaP, the difference is Loop/OG's mindset: They want to get through the house as fast as possible without 'distractions' like the very helpful Hidden Library they don't know exists but at the same time they dread the king (dread their friends dying over and over and over) so the path is short and free of bosses (including those 'Nostalgia' star crest Sadnesses), but full of time consuming and tricky puzzles to delay them -even just a bit longer- from what they see as the inevitable end. ...Also the path no longer requires the Keyknife and OG Sif gets outright angry at the Change Statue when the others pray at it so make of that what you will.

Ok, so the Houses are affected by Sif's mental state, but what about the King? The King is a totally different kettle of fish. He very much is not effected by the respective Sifs' Wish Craft but he can pick up on it. And well, how does he react in ISaT when he realizes Siffrin 2.0 is using Wish Craft?

... *Thinks about a hand, squeezing*

So yeah. My theory for why the King is so much worse, especially in the Perfect Route in Start Again is simple: Loop/OG Sif had been looping so long that their reek of Wish Craft's sweet smell was basically covering the whole party and the King, not knowing who to torture directly, responds by trying to kill them all especially horribly, especially on the 'Perfect' route where Sif likely continues hiding their looper status even as they are dying. ...Trying to mentally break them just as he tries to break Siffrin 2.0 in ISaT.

...Which is also why he doesn't auto kill everyone in the 'True' route - because that's the route Sif gives up pretending they're not a mess, meaning the King can identify that Sif is the Wish Crafter by the party's concern for them and their lack of reaction (much like the King did in ISaT), can see that Siffrin is already breaking, and thus being the 'merciful ruler' he is, decides to toy with them a bit, only going for the killing blow when he gets lower on health and starts getting concerned he might lose (which in turn means most of his attention in the fight was on the clearly not ok Sif, the party likely noticed and that's probably why Isabeau was able to jump in and block the King's fatal attack in time).

So um. YEAH. That's my thoughts on SASASAaP's King; he's the exact same as ISaT's King the only difference is that by the time OG Sif reached him the first time, they'd already looped a horrific amount of times and reeked so strong of Wish Craft that the King never even entertained the 'talk them down' facade and went straight for the kill/'torture them into submission' option every time.

Not sure these details matter too much really but I figure it might be helpful to all the Loop lovers out there making wonderful fanfics to consider (circumstances Odile can theorise about if Loop ever gives her enough hints to try, perhaps?) so... yeah. Hope my thoughts were interesting and would like to hear your thoughts on the stuff I didn't manage to figure out like the skill differences between the two parties, and various people frozen in the House having different pronouns and things (currently going with: Loop/OG Sif is not really listening to anything and is possibly misremembering details they don't care about for the later but the former is very much 'I know this is probably because refined mechanics but what if-?!' area for me and I'd love to see in-setting reasoning for it) <3

Edit: Realized I forgot to mention a thing: A sweet scent is never brought up in SASASAaP probably because that might've been a later addition to the plot but I like to think it's more because everyone in the prologue is just so used to it at this point that the party are putting it down to being part of the 'King altered' House while OG Siffrin is completely numb to it at this point, and the King's not interested in talking so... yeah. No one brings it up. ...Might also explain why Bonnie doesn't offer the Melanga fritters: the sweet scent could potentially alter the taste (and also they're not 100% sure Sif likes them) so instead they offer sweets like the candy and Palmiers that would be less effected, the burnt samosas which are 'already bad' and the fish head which probably tastes so strong that Bonnie's less worried about it's taste being masked. But that's just my spitballing for excuses so hope that's helpful for anyone wanting to use this info? XD

#start again start again start again #sasasap #start again a prologue #isat #in stars and time #isat loop #isat spoilers #isat act 6 spoilers #fan theory #SAaP #start again spoilers #sasasaap spoilers #two hat spoilers

131 notes · View notes

prince-kallisto · 30 days

Text

Why did Crowley send NRC to battle against Malleus?

I’ve been hearing a lot of questions about this scene in Book 7. Why did Crowley send every student to fight against Malleus, even though there was clearly no hope? After all, in Book 1, Crowley’s first reaction is to evacuate everyone from Overblot Riddle, who isn’t even close to Malleus’ power level, although he of course posed a danger to all the others.

Crowley is very well aware of Malleus’ powers. Not only does everyone know that Malleus is one of the Top 5 Mages in the world, but in the Halloween event Terror is Trending, Crowley is genuinely concerned of Malleus accidentally taking out the whole campus!

But I’m thinking that’s exactly why. There was no hope- so Crowley had to instill false hope.

But to explain what I mean, let’s take a look at the circumstances of Riddle’s Overblot and Malleus’ Overblot.

With Riddle, we are in Heartslabyul, meaning the damage can be somewhat contained to one dorm dimension for now. Crowley is present, and in comparison to Malleus, Riddle isn’t nearly as powerful. I feel as though Crowley has incredible faith in his students to confront these battles themselves, and they prove him right by Trey defending against Riddle with his Doodle Suit/Paint the Roses.

Still, this is the first official Overblot of the game, and Riddle is being driven by mindless anger. It is a dangerous situation, but it is one that Crowley can get the students out of. The manga suggests that some students got hurt from trying to leave in a panicked rush, but even Overblot Riddle isn’t powerful enough to focus on EVERYONE- Trey, Cater, Ace, Deuce, Grim, and Yuu are enough to distract him so the others can get to safety.

But now let’s look at Malleus’ situation. A HUGE amount of students are in Diasomnia since it’s Lilia’s farewell party. But even then, Malleus’ magic can go beyond the dorm mirrors/dimension, as when he casts his Fae of Maleficence, the entirety of Sage’s Island is affected. It even reaches Idia who’s all the way in Ignihyde. As I mentioned earlier, Crowley is very well aware of Malleus’ capabilities. There is no hope for escape or even winning a battle. The chapter is even called “An Unwinnable Fight”.

There are hundreds of students gathered in one lounge. If Crowley demanded them all the evacuate, where could they go? Everyone is already fearful of Malleus, so this would cause even more panic. Much like Book 2’s stampede plan, this could cause others to hurt each other rather than Malleus hurting them. In a panicked rush, students would inevitably fall behind, or even get trapped in the crowd and trampled. Many could get legitimately hurt or worse. And these students don’t know Diasomnia! Many of them don’t live there- so it would be a blind rush to no where, and not enough time to be led to safety. So even though Ortho calls for “swift evacuation and preventative measures,” there’s nothing that be done in time- so Crowley does the exact opposite.

Furthermore, Malleus is impressively controlled during his Overblot. He can think, plan, and exercise caution with how much power he’s using against others. Furthermore, he considers what he’s about to do as a blessing. This is wildly different from Riddle, who was driven by pure rage and was recklessly swinging magic left and right. And even before the Overblot actually happened, Riddle tried to kill Ace by ripping him apart with rose trees, whereas Malleus simply wanted to “bestow a gift,” not trying to directly hurt anybody. No one is in immediate danger.

So what is Crowley to do? He instills false hope and a common goal. A lot of students must be scared, but look at the dorm leaders reactions when they tell him to fight: they look determined and ready, which must inspire their dorms. Instead of pure fear and chaos, these students have control and are all staying in the same room. It was a pointless fight, but I think it was a remarkably intelligent decision by Crowley made with split-second thinking. He knows the nature of his students, and calls for decisions to be made accordingly to the situation. In the end, neither Malleus or the students got hurt, which I think was priority.

At least, these are my thoughts on this scene! Σ੧(❛□❛✿) It definitely confused me for a long time now, but I wonder if the answer is close to this?

#Crowley’s quick thinking in a time of battle and peril makes me think of someone but im putting that aside for once 😭😭😭😭🐦‍⬛cough levan #twisted wonderland #twst #twst analysis #dire crowley #twst dire crowley #twst malleus #twst malleus draconia #kallistopost

103 notes · View notes

loveyourownsmiilee · 1 year

Text

Talking Buddie Language: Ep 6.10

Oh it feels so good to have our fire fam back!! Tonight’s episode was so amazing and heartbreaking all at once. I’m still not fully recovered from it but I think we got some amazing moments between both Buck and Eddie that show their relationship is on the cusp of changing forever. Now the process may be a slow one but I believe we are definitely on the ride to Buddie becoming canon soon! With that being said, let’s get into their body language and behaviors from this episode!

Sand Turns Into Glass?

The first scene we get is of the beach call and I literally learn so much from watching this show. For instance, that when lightning hits sand, it can become glass. I loved watching Buck and Eddie working together again because I feel like it really has been such a long time since we have seen them be partners.

B: No rain, where the hell did it come from? E: I don't know. Really hope it doesn't strike twice though.

(Gif by @whattarush)

I love how Eddie not only looks at Buck but is the one foreshadowing what is to eventually come later on in the episode. Some may even argue that he jinxed Buck with this sentence. With this little moment, we see our Buck and Eddie partnership shine through a little in the sense where they are back to talking to each other on calls as if they're the only ones there.

Then Buck, being Buck, leaves to go keep the kids busy so that they won't see their father in that state. My favorite little moment is Eddie looking over to Buck with the kiddos, while he is still working on their dad. The show always makes it a point to have Eddie's eyes be on Buck at all times. Now whether the reason is he just wants to make sure his partner is in his eye level at all times, or because he simply can't take his eyes off the tall blonde. Either way, the way that scene was shot, it was done so that the viewer can see Eddie looking over towards Buck, while he is continuing his task at hand.

As Buck tries to keep the children occupied, he explains how the glass was made and tries to reassure them while giving them some very important life advice.

B: Hey, hey I get it. You want to fix everything. Trust me I know that feeling. But in life, things that we don't expect, they can just come out of nowhere.

(Gif by @stevenrogered)

Now this I believe is also foreshadowing a couple of things for Buck. We all know he's the guy who likes to “fix things”, courtesy of Eddie. Right now however, there may be things that will come out of nowhere for Buck that will have him questioning everything, such as if he is able to fix those things. We can expect a few things to come from the ending of this episode and how they will affect him in different ways. He is just putting it out in the universe and now the universe will pay him back with those things that come from nowhere.

Father/Son Bonding In the Heart Of The Station

Literally my heart is so freakin full from that Buck and Bobby scene. Nobody can convince me that they are not father and son. Buck really does care for every single member of that team and it is just so wholesome. It will make it even more emotional for when everyone is beside themselves, waiting for him to come back from his coma. But this scene really was put in to showcase how strong Buck and Bobby's bond is so when Buck is in the hospital, Bobby's reaction to it will be even more heart wrenching.

The part that had my heart the most was when Buck took the spoon to Bobby to have him try his chili. Not only was that so freakin adorable, but oh so meaningful as well.

BN: Pretty good.

B: No don't give me pretty good. C'mon it's uh, it's not right. It's missing something.

BN: Well.

B: Is there a secret ingredient? There is c'mon it's me, spill.

BN: Cocoa powder. Unsweetened. Cabinet above the sink. One tablespoon.

This is a direct callback to that Buckley-Diaz family scene in 6.01 where Buck explains to his boys that he has perfected his lasagna, it only took 3 tries. We see him trying to make the chili as best as Bobby's is. Once again, the making of food is a metaphor used for something else in Buck's life. Here it's also kind of like when he asked Bobby for what makes him feel at ease/happy in 6.01. Bobby didn't really give him an answer then but he did give Buck the secret ingredient in this scene. Which in my honest opinion, foreshadows Bobby helping him uncover the secret to what he is looking for, further on down the line. I believe Bobby will play a significant role in having Buck open his eyes to certain things and certain people in his life. These writers love their metaphors and I really believe this is used for Bobby helping Buck uncover the secret to being happy eventually.

Chimney Venting to His Team

I love when we get to see the different dynamics of the team members. We so often have Chim venting to his number one confidant Hen, that I think it was lovely for him and Buck to really talk about Chim's father. Meanwhile, Hen and Eddie were also providing their two cents but not with exactly next to either of their partner.

It's such an unusual circumstance that even Chimeny makes a comment about it after Buck mentions how he was glad that it wasn't the Buckley's who brought the drama.

C: Your parents were on their best behavior. I don't know why but that's something new for me to worry about.

H: Why are you worried about a lack of trauma.

C: Because it's unnatural Hen. Like the two of you down there tossing that ball.

The reason why I find this little bit so interesting is that it's no secret that Eddie and Buck typically are attached at the hip. Meanwhile, Hen and Chim are thick as thieves. So the fact that Buck isn't the one throwing around that ball with Eddie, really seems like such an unnatural situation. This word is used a few times during this episode and each time it is, it’s directed at Eddie and Buck.

The camera then focuses on Eddie's reaction to that, where he looks up at Chim in a sassy and annoyed way, indicating that Chim is onto something. Eddie just doesn't like the fact that he's that predictable and Chim is the one voicing that. We know Buck and Eddie are codependent, so why show Eddie sorta annoyed with Chimeny's assessment? He didn't technically lie in that moment, which is why Eddie's reaction to that really intrigues me.

Buckley's vs Han's: The Epic Showdown

Oh this has been something I have truly been looking forward to for such a long time. I just want to preface this by saying I do not know who those two people were because those were not the Buckley parents I remember. It felt super weird seeing them get along with Buck like it was natural. But I want to talk about the whole sperm donor debacle.

Buck is already a little too involved for simply being just a donor. They're sending him pictures and involving him in this pregnancy and I really don't know where this storyline is headed but I just don't believe him when he tells his parents (and the Han's) that he "is the donor. Connor is the father." He still can't say that confidently and there definitely is a bit of sadness underlying his words. I can't watch that and come to terms that he has officially made peace with his choice. I don't think he fully has.

But a few things I would love to discuss. First his mother's reaction was that of once again viewing her son as nothing but parts.

MB: "I think it's...great. You're a miracle baby yourself Buck. Why not share it?"

A miracle baby? Yes he was born for the sole purpose of saving a child and he "failed" at that. And here he is now, giving life to another child since he couldn't do that for his own brother. His parents’ behavior is rather unusual and I was not expecting their full support with this storyline. It still breaks my heart to see them thinking of him in that way and I was even more surprised to see them at the hospital visiting their son when he's injured. This just goes to further prove that their love for him has always been shown when he's been hurt. I think that with the next episode, we will see the difference in how they react to their son being in the hospital vs how Bobby and Athena do, Buck's chosen family. We already got a glimpse of them sitting in the room with Buck, while the Buckley's were standing outside. So I am interested to see how all that plays out.

Mr. Han really voiced something important in his dislike for Buck being a donor that I think will play a pivotal role in the future.

SH: A man cannot raise a child fathered by another man. It's unnatural.

Here is that use of the word unnatural once again. isn't it ironic that unnatural was used to describe both Eddie and Buck by Chim and his father? Now let's dissect this a little bit.

When one thinks of a traditional family, historical that has been taught to us that it should be a man, a woman and their children. Anything different is considered to be "unnatural" right? Especially for people who live in other countries where it’s not accepted to be anything different from the “traditional norms” that’s been taught to them. So two men raising a child together will definitely be viewed as “unnatural” to those kind of people, in this case Mr. Han.

Well what does one call what Buck is doing with Eddie and Christopher? Oh that's right, he is helping raise another man's child with said man. We all know this, Eddie know's this considering he chose Buck to be his son's legal guardian, and I think Chris also knows this, given the fact that he is in Buck's hospital room visiting him while he is in a coma next week. I think the only person who doesn't know this at this point in time is Buck. Buck needs to realize that yes he helped create a child that will be his biologically that he has no claim to. But he also has a child who is not biologically his that he can and does have some claim to. It was powerful for those words to be said about Buck to him, especially when we know he is in this weird limbo and doesn't know what he is seeking for in life at the moment. It makes the timing of it perfect as well because it's said to him right before he gets massively injured. Now cue the child he is helping raise keeping vigil by his hospital bed, talking to him, begging him to come back to him. Then have Buck wake up and realize how important said child is to him, thus opening the door for further revelations in the future and I think we can have a big win here.

I don’t know what it was about this specific scene but something really tells me that the baby is not going to end up being Buck’s in the end. There’s a lot of talk about choices being made, and how it’s a miracle. Something has got to give. The universe kept screaming at him when he went to donate so there’s gotta be a catch in there somewhere right?

I do also want to discuss the Daniel of it all. It was weird but totally expected of Buck to bring up Daniel again considering this is the first we are seeing the Buckley's all together again since "Buck Begins". Him asking his sister about their dead brother point blank was needed because we all know it foreshadows his appearance in this alternate life he is going to dream up while in a coma.

B: Do you ever think about what it would've been like if Daniel had lived?

M: Yeah, sometimes. You?

B: I think it would've been just like this.

Oh baby, oh baby baby this is not going to end well. This basically foreshadows Daniel being alive in his alternate world, and everything is all happy go lucky upon first glance. But it's absolutely not. He doesn't have his chosen family, he doesn't have Eddie and Chris. So he will definitely have to live a life in which all the people who are so important to him and who all play a pivotal role in his life are just absent. Sure he will have his brother, but at what cost? At the cost of everyone else he loves? Surely this coma dream is going to result in Buck waking up with some clarity and a new perspective on his own life. One in which he can genuinely look at who he is, the people who are always there for him, and truly be at ease with it all.

Buck and Eddie, being Buck&Eddie

The scene with these two idiots in love in the truck is everything!! Buck was explaining the whole Buckleys vs Hans situation but ended it as it being "a nice night." I think the choice of having Buck and Eddie being the one's discussing this in the truck was very telling because once again, Eddie is stepping up and reassuring Buck whenever he is self conscious of something pertaining to his life, especially when it involves his parents. Eddie always has Buck's back and it shows in their cute little interaction.

B: Felt like we were an actual family.

E: You are an actual family.

B: I never felt that way before.

Ok but can we please talk about Eddie making eye contact with him to make sure that he knows Eddie isn't bullshitting him. He loves to check in with him via eye contact and make sure that Buck knows that what Eddie is saying is true. And what is Buck's immediate reaction to Eddie's reassurance? He smiles and looks down like he always does in that cute shy way. They behave like this all the time and it drives me crazy because it just isn't typical platonic friends behavior. There is too much fondness in Eddie's tone of voice and Buck can't keep that fond smile off his face.

Aside from the heart eyes though, it was so pointed to have Eddie be the one saying that they are an actual family when he’s fully welcomed and made Buck such an important member of his own family. Something about Buck never feeling that way before makes me think there’ll be a moment in which Eddie explains to Buck that he already has a family with him and Christopher. And Buck will stop and realize that oh, absolutely no one has ever made him feel that loved and that welcomed before in his life. That the Diaz’s saw him and immediately went, “He’s ours.” I can’t wait for them to circle back to this moment.

I love how it's been months and we still haven't heard Eddie's actual thoughts on the whole sperm donation. He goes so far as to mention the Buckley's reaction while simultaneously avoiding verbalizing his own thoughts on the matter.

E: Sounds like your family had your back on the whole donation thing, that's definitely progress.

B: No they uh, they totally thought that was an idiotic decision. They just weren't gonna let Chimeny's dad have the last word on anything.

Why Eddie thinks it is absolutely alright to look at Buck so openly like he hung the moon is beyond me!! Not only that but him chuckling when Buck mentions how his parents thought his choice was "idiotic" goes to show his agreement with that. I still believe that there is a deliberate reason as to why we have yet to hear Eddie's real feelings on that subject matter. I don't think we will hear it until after Buck's recovery, possibly not until Kameron and Connor reappear before the baby's set to be born. And when we do finally hear his opinions on this subject matter, I think it's going to be life altering for Buck, hence the lead up to it.

Lightning Does Strike Twice and It’s Telling You Both Something

I have yet to recover from the last few minutes of this episode. I love how we got one last flirting moment between Buck and Eddie as Eddie hooked Buck to his line. I love when Eddie does that because it's his own little way of making sure his partner is ok and nothing will happen to him. Eddie is getting a little bit more ballsy with his flirting, I will say that.

E: Alright cowboy, go get em.

B: Alright ahh.

(Gifs by @swiftiebuck)

The fucking smirk on Eddie's face paired with his unabashed fondness for Buck is what makes me believe he has to know on some level about his feelings for Buck. It's not only his smile but also Buck turning back to look at Eddie one last time before making his way up the ladder. These two always have a way of just sharing moments like this one where they check in with their eyes and for a moment, it's like they're the only ones in the world. Sure it came stem from being partners for 5 years. But it also comes from their unconditional love and trust that they've formed throughout those 5 years.

Nobody talk to me about Eddie's reaction to Buck being hit by lightning. Not only was the man thrown off from his place at the bottom of the ladder. But he didnt even hesitate to get back up, put on his helmet to go after his partner. His main concern in that moment was Buck and his safety. You can see the actual moment in which Eddie realizes that Buck is hanging limply from the ladder. His face morphs into absolute devastation and concern as he runs up the ladder. The sheer heartache in his voice is very prevalent as he treks up after his partner. He is scared, he is on a mission to get to him as soon as possible. My favorite moment is that the second he is at the top, he pulls Buck up towards him rather slowly lowering him. It's like Eddie needs to have him in his arms so that he can make sure he's alright. This also is such a stunning parallel to Buck pulling Eddie to safety after he got shot. Not only that but it’s also paralleling Buck digging for Eddie while he was buried, which was also coincidentally caused my lightning. The last Buck that he yells is so shattering because he is trying to keep it together and save his partner, while simultaneously crumbling on the inside. This is his partner both on and off the field. This is the very man who saved Eddie numerous times and now he can't simply pull him up?? I think this is going to somehow come back and be an issue for Eddie. Something about his survivor's guilt and the failure to pull Buck out is going to be something I can see Eddie struggling with while Buck is unconscious.

(Gifs by @matan4il)

(Gif by @whattarush)

When he does finally get Buck down to the rest of the team, they confirm what we already knew: he has no pulse. I think it was great to have Chim be the one who administers compressions not only because Buck is technically his brother in law, but also because it was supposed to be Chim who went up the ladder instead of Buck.

Lastly, the fact that Eddie ran as quickly as he could and pushed Bobby away so that he can get to Buck further proves how important they are to each other. Bobby pulling Eddie back, knowing that Buck doesn't have a pulse, and making him drive is very significant. It parallels Bobby pulling Buck away from digging for Eddie in "Eddie Begins." Bobby is a smart man and I believe he knows just how important these two are to one another. He didn't want Eddie to see his partner lifeless because he knows from prior experience how that turned out when the roles were reversed.

(Gif by @diazly)

Now Eddie was last seen driving the ambulance but I really do believe next week is going to be important for us to see his reaction. From the little promo we got, we already know that Eddie is the one who takes over as soon as they get to the hospital and is the one trying to keep his partner alive. He also looks absolutely devastated as he watches them taking Buck away through the doors. The fact that Eddie and Christopher were suspiciously missing from the promo tells me that their scenes will be significant and really get everyone's tears going. I, for one, am excited to see the aftermath of this and how everyone handles their Buck being in a coma and possibly flatlining again. It's going to be an excited and heart breaking episode next week and I can't wait to see what it has in store for us.

Thank you so much if you made it to the end. I got to say I do feel so vindicated that itty bitty coma!Buck theory from all those months ago finally happened and I can’t wait to see what stems from it! All my love to you darlings 💜

#buddie #buddie language meta #911 spoilers #911 speculation #911 on fox #911 meta #buddie meta #long post #sorry if this isn’t my best I’m hungover

522 notes · View notes

sunshades · 5 months

Text

grief in the city, or "how many days off will i get when my lover dies of consumption next march"

Expanding from this post (@puffles HI) or mostly just trying to write it out in a readable fashion. (lor spoilers ahead yeehaw 📚)

Just been thinking. Death in the pmverse city. It's not something you're really allowed to get personal with. But some people just can't help it.

In lobocorp we get a look at what it's like from the inside of a corporation, and like yeah the entire story is about it, but to me Yesod's parts more than anyone else's showcase this feeling.

(Yesod core suppression dialogue)

The question of detachment comes up pretty often, and he points out Malkuth's as the ideal behavior to cope with it- forgetting you're dealing with humans as much as you can. Through his arc in lobocorp he struggles with it, this idea that it can all be fine if he stops thinking of the others as having a face, a name, and most importantly (for him) a body. Of course a strategy like that stops working as soon as one remembers, as one gets closer. That is one of the main themes of lor.

We're introduced to Xiao midway through the game, and her story unfolds as we start to learn about Roland's. The way she describes herself is similar to how A talks about Yesod, though Xiao doesn't feel special for it. The softness of her (at the time) coworker Lowell confounds her.

(Xiao's key page)

Then the invitation reaches her, and therefore the news of Lowell's death, and this changes. Her reaction is intense, she describes it vividly. And it feels... kind of natural considering the martial culture of her workplace? Specifically for an Association whose mechanics literally run off emotion levels.

(Liu S1 reception)

But we immediately see that no, to everyone else this seems like an overreaction to losing a partner. We see it from Chun's reaction, then Angela's, who suggests she simply finds a substitute for Lowell, and Roland himself is surprised by it: he muses about the Light influencing the people of the City: this is such a strange thing it gets compared to the goddamn Distortion! When we take a look at Lowell's own book it seems to confirm that out of the two he's always been the one with the more unconventional mindset.

(Lowell's key page)

It's not groundbreaking to say one should care about their partner, but it feels like in the City this isn't really the case? It feels like having someone you cherish becomes something of a nuisance as it can interfere with a Fixer's ability to... well, work. Roland, though affected for obvious reasons, tells Angela about it briefly enough, and it seems it's not particularly noteworthy, having romantic entanglements but also losing them pretty quickly. It's something that happens, that you're supposed to deal with easily enough, and go back to work.

(Liu S2 second reception)

Instead Xiao's feelings lead her to do the direct opposite; it's noteworthy that before her reception she resigns from the Association, and immediately justifies herself to her subordinates by letting them know this shouldn't affect their careers. It's worth noting that Roland's story is marked by a similar situation, once he's exposed in his revenge quest, he loses his Color title as well as his Fixer grade. In both situations we find that the question of how to deal with Survival (being a survivor to the person you love) can't escape from the problem of Survival (how to make a living). The death of another puts you in actual danger if you actually care about them.

In light of this, Lowell's hopes and promises for Xiao read differently. His apparent softness and sensitivity reveals itself as something he can handle very rationally; aware of how deeply their feelings run, he asks her to vow to always watch over herself.

(Liu S1 reception)

Instead Xiao, and we later learn about Roland, embrace the horror of what's happened to them, and show us what it's like to go into the deep end of this grief; it's a deviation from what we might consider normal or #HEALTHY, but it's also a display of feeling that usually people of the City just... don't allow themselves to have. I don't wanna ramble about this too long, but since limbus vaguely uses the Divine Comedy as a source, in Dante terms I would say: while Xiao and Roland commit sins of excess of love, letting their anger over their loved ones take them over, the people of the City in general commit the sin of sloth, "laziness of the heart", it's people who refuse to let any kind of attachment in their heart, because it's simply easier not to deal with them. Roland's arc touches on it quite often.

(Natural Sciences realization)

Though Roland does eventually turn out to be, well. A big deal, a lot of his behavior in the library is supposed to show him as a kind of everyman of the City. In moments where he talks like this, he's expressing what it actually feels like for most people to live in there. This heavily contrasts with Xiao's own beliefs, the ones she develops through her love, and that leads to her EGO manifestation.

(Liu S1 reception)

By the end we also know that the truth is Roland's own mindset isn't quite the one he tries to preach ("that's that and this is this"), but the grief over the loss of Angelica, and more generally the pain for the life he's always had, still weighs so heavy on him he isn't able to just start again- he doesn't want to! As the stories goes on and he faces the horrors of the City together with Angela, even this facade of "sloth" fades away, and his actual feelings start to show, the love and the anger and all of the grief- he starts to resonate with the abnos as Angela did, a similar experience to distorting.

While Roland has a lot of interesting dialogue, it'd take a whole other post to talk about it (I'm sure someone smarter has done it already) so for the purposes of this and to keep on topic I only wanna talk about a little bit that Xiao doesn't touch on, and that feels relevant with the perspective of canto VI.

(Black Silence "soulmates" reception)

In one of the darkest moments, we get a (can I say it now?) ⛈ HEARTBREAKING ⛈ confession straight from the inside of Roland's mind, the fear that in choosing to move on he'll have abandoned Angelica and all they meant for each other. The "pair of linked souls" is tied on a mechanical level, to beat them you need to disrupt their soul link, a buff they give each other that makes them basically unbeatable- they keep each other alive. Roland's fear, after years of Fixer work, after seeing how little value a person's life has in the eyes of the City, is this: that the second he looks away from Angelica's death and his attempt to avenge it, he'll have forsaken her forever, that their love and life together will lose its meaning.

Only with the help of the librarians and particularly Angela he's able to accept that's not the case, and in the final reception he once again wields her name and her gloves, carrying on her legacy and memory for the sake of the future and the new people he wants to protect.

Finally, I wanna show an incredibly interesting piece of dialogue from Leviathan, between Vergilius and Carmen.

(Leviathan chapter 18, translation by @/SnakeskinFS on twitter)

Now, Carmen's take on love is... something. Love as she means it is what we know to bring to Distortion, but it is interesting that the actual implication in the world she draws up is what the people of the City need back is contact with one another, understanding. It's also interesting Vergilius calls it a word he's unaccustomed to. Obviously here it doesn't apply strictly to romantic love, but this does check out with how little we get to see City residents... well, loving each other.

Xiao for Lowell, Roland for Angelica, as well as honestly Carmen for herself, her vision for the future, stand out in crowds of cordial coworkers and friends of circumstances, for the strength of their feelings, love in its danger and beauty. The paths they end up following are messy, some very bloody, and done in remembrance of the people they valued above all else. It's the theme of love that entwines so closely with that of death, the question of what you do when you're the one surviving and left behind.

So here's where I think of canto VI- WH is so heavily defined by grief. This is partially tied to its literary influences, partially to the author's own experience, but the story is scarred by the various funerals, each of which changes someone's life, mostly for the worse.

Is this malicious? A little. A little... not? Like in the City, the feeling is that the dead, the memory of them, follow because they love the living. When we get to Cathy's death, she and Heathcliff curse each other back and forth before making peace again, but in the end more than their harshness, what hits the most is the connection, the yearning to be reunited- "I care nothing of your sufferings" is soon followed by "I'm not wishing you greater torment than I have", which leads into the Heartbreaking speech, that we already know will be very relevant in the canto, in which Heathcliff takes her pain as his.

NOW I see readings/speculation around that this will be portrayed as lcb Cathy trying to tie Heathcliff to his past forever/them needing to Kill Her, and metaphorically his affection for her in order for him to move on and become his own person, to which I say: meh? I think that misses part of the point, makes her out to be a plot device instead of a character that, like him, has grown in an awful abusive household, and laments in her deathbed that she wishes things had been different, and that the person she loves could stay with her longer, after circumstances beyond their control have forced them apart.

By the end of it, though we know that in the book it doesn't really turn out like she'd like, Cathy claims she'd rather him remember her words, and her, as harsh and cruel than nurse anger while he lives on, she hates the thought that he should suffer more when she's gone, because she, too, feels his suffering as hers.

To me this last wish she expresses is most reminiscent of what we see of Lowell's request to Xiao, the way it's not fulfilled until the last minute. Xiao doesn't listen and she goes on, fully aware she's betraying the trust he put in her, and that she might be the next to die. Because of this betrayal, her feelings, this excess of love threatens to have the best of her, to make her forget about Lowell and focus only on herself and her anger- the "love of the self" that is the Distortion. Her final reception has her talking back to Carmen's proposal and worldview, detailing the way her bond with Lowell, but also Miris, Chun and all of her men, have been keeping her strong to this point.

(Xiao reception)

With the awareness her lover is dead and gone, she manages to work through her feelings and gain strength from them, deciding that these bonds, and her memory will keep all of them alive through each other.

SO am I saying this is totally happening to Heathcliff in canto VI. I mean, nah, not necessarily. But considering the similarities he shares with these other stories, and how we've already seen these examples of the theme of grief over a loved one being handled before in the previous games and resulting in these genuinely amazing characters, it's something I think about.

As we're talking about a game adaptation that obviously can't adapt 20 more years of story (and let's be real, shouldn't either. If you want to read WH you can just read WH,) I think that would be a reasonable way for the canto to play out: getting to see one of the sinners genuinely lose it over someone's death in a way none of the others really did, explicitly showing the uniqueness of such intense affection in a place like the City, and then slowly beginning the road to recovery. Much like for Xiao and Roland, this being done not as a result of leaving the past behind, but as a direct result of their love for another, and that of their lover as well as everyone else who cherishes them (Miris, Angela and the librarians- I think we'll soon add the sinners to the list).

(post core suppression dialogue)

To quote another bit from our bestie Yesod, the hope that grows out of the rot, as the death of another, but as your own wounded self as well.

So to conclude. I think in general, in the context of how we've seen major characters work around their grief in previous games it'd make sense for canto VI to reach a similar conclusion, the death being something that weighs heavily, but doesn't obscure the possibility of a future. Still. Love as something dangerous that has extreme power over us, but as something that lives in us and can't be taken away.

#bell.txt #limbus company #library of ruina #project moon #edit ok all screenies are captioned now. how did i write so much #its like barely even speculation im just putting together some stuff that gets me thinking about the general Vibe. i love u the city #xiao roland and heathcliff talk. dead wife club (honorific)#btw Did You Know: if canto vi releases on white day that means part 2 will release right after cathys book accurate death day. LOLLL #lcb heathcliff #xiao lor #roland lor #canto vi #edit 2: VINDICAAAAATION

103 notes · View notes

derangedanomaly · 4 months

Note

Undertale,fellswap gold, swapfell, and horrortale papyrus x BLACK! Medusa! Reader? Not much just a chaotic snake girl.

UNDERTALE AUS X BLACK!MEDUSA READER

(Classic, BlackBerry [Berry], Caramel [Horror tale Papyrus])

CLASSIC: (setting- after freeing the monsters)

He was always interested in you the moment he saw you wandering alone in the mountains, wearing a hood on your head.

Why was he even there? It was a family trip, everyone went to go hiking to the mountains. Of course he was cheating and teleported to the destination 😂✋

Anyways, right after he saw you, he carefully approached you..this got you very wary.

Long story short, you tripped and the hood on your head slipped, revealing your snake covered hair...

You both had VERY different reactions. Sans looked amazed, and his cheeks tinted slightly blue, while you looked at him afraid.

You were worried he'll turn into stone, so you tried to pull the hood over your head once more, but his skeleton hands stopped you, taking you by surprise.

You both just stared at the other. "... What's wrong? Why're you trying to hide who you are??" "I'm a Medusa! People who look at me turn into stone!" You quickly darted your eyes away from his gaze. "But I'm still here...am I not?"

He's a skeleton. Your curse doesn't affect him, since he only has eye sockets. 😂

After this, Sans visited you almost every day. He was so sweet, he doesn't want to leave you alone in the mountains.

Your negativity towards yourself is really nagging him. He thinks you're gorgeous! What do you mean you hate your 'hair'?

Constantly hyping you up! He just wants to be there for you girly 😉

He loves the snakes! They're always happy to see him ^^

Sans is a little lovesick when it comes to you, you're just so amazing to him!

When you two get together, he thinks he's the luckiest skeleton in the world! Literally no one can ruin this for him! (Except the resets 😢)

You're just happy to finally be able to talk to someone without the fear of turning them into stone.

BERRY:

"What in the fish sticks is happening?? WHO ARE YOU?!" You flinched when you heard his voice. He sounded so demanding...

You and his brother, Papyrus, were standing on his doorstep, chatting. He couldn't help but grumble at the sight. What gives you the right to stand on HIS own doorstep, not properly talking to him?? Like.. what's up with the hood over your head?

So...Berry doesn't have much knowledge of "privacy"... So what is the second thing he does after yelling at you?? Yup. Pulling your hood down. Revealing your snake covered head, resembling hair.

You screeched loudly, desperately trying to cover your head, before any of the two turn into stone.

While trying to get a hold of your hood, which was still in Berry's hold, the skeleton in question just...stared at you. Full with questions, but also... he's never seen such beautiful hair!

He doesn't let his shyness show, but his brother can very much see it. He just smirks at him, which makes Berry shoot him a glare.

"You have such beautiful hair...." He suddenly spoke these words, which made you stop jumping up and down to get your hood back. You stared at him in shock.. "You... don't think it's gross..? Or...weird?" He smirks at your question, leaning down to your level. "No, darling...I say that it just makes you more complete...."

RECOILED. DOWN BAD. DROOLING.

Which was exactly how you both felt about one another.. how cute ❤️

You explained to Berry how Papyrus is your friend, and that you were just parting ways when he came in. This made Berry kinda guilty about shouting at you earlier...but not much. Since...you know... he's a little crazy 💀

After this whole ordeal, whenever you were hanging out with Papyrus, Berry silently watched you, eyes focused only on you.

He quickly became obsessed with you, it was just something about your nature. And he admired that despite your curse, you were a very kind person.

Your snakes sometimes felt...wary about him... which made you kinda suspicious. But you didn't dwell on it to much.

You would sometimes find little notes thrown at you by your 'secret admirer'. Which you found cute. They were always complimenting your hair!

That's what Berry's plan is... Sugar coating you from the offside, and then making his grand move! Tell you about his romantic gestures and then confidently ask you out!

It was a crazy plan, but it's not an unusual plan for him. ;)

CARAMEL (HT Papyrus):

One day, he was searching for some food, which was hopeless...since the place where he lives in isn't very...rich on food.

He abruptly stopped when he saw a kid enter the underground. Wait... no, it was probably a teenager...and she had some........pretty lady with her!

He watched the lady, who was beside the teen, with stars in his eyes.. for once in his life..he felt truly..happy. Huh.. that's odd. Never felt anything like it before.

After awhile of gawking at the lady, covered in a hood over her head with a blush across his face, he snapped out of it, going towards them. He decided to greet them.

He quickly learned the kid- teen's Name is Aliza, and the lady beside her was Y/n.

"Y/n.... it's a very pretty name! Suits for such a pretty lady as you..." You couldn't help but blush deep red at that, the way he was so sweet, yet so scarily looking, made you quite distracted, as you didn't notice him and his approaching hands towering over your hood.. "May I..?" Normally, you would've said no. But this time...you felt very comfortable around him, which you were one hundred percent sure he was going for. You felt at ease around him, so you nodded for him to take off your hood. You could see, from the corners of your eyes, that Aliza covered her eyes when she saw that, thank the heavens...you wouldn't want for her to be turned to stone.

After he took off your hood, your nervousness appeared again. Making you feel embarrassed about your hair...

You expected some sort of reaction. And not a pretty one..but it did rather surprised you when you saw that Papyrus just stared at you, his eyes shining more brightly. You looked at him, quite hesitant. "You must be the prettiest being I have ever laid my eyes upon...." Your cheeks flushed red from the sudden compliment, which his did too, after processing what he just said to you. You both just stared at each other...taking the other one's appearance in, as if you wouldn't see each other again..

You moment was interrupted by Aliza, who now wore special sunglasses, not covering her eyes with her hands anymore. "U-Uhm...can y-you help us g-get through here....?" You slightly frowned at the frightened state she was in, and took her hands in yours. Smiling down at her. Papyrus stared at the two of you with soft look..

"Such a mother material..." He noted to himself, muttering, which you didn't heard. It saved him the embarrassment for sure 💀

After this, you sorta became a little like a family.. You and Papyrus as the parents, and Aliza as your kid.. though Papyrus did almost ate Aliza, which you scolded him for.

He literally felt so weak in the knees whenever you were around. Like a little puppy...😭

Your snakes always purr whenever Papyrus comes in the room, which makes you immensely embarrassed...stupid snakes!

Wants you to know just how much he loves your 'hair'. (Which makes the snakes purr over and over again)

#sans undertale #sans x reader #undertale #papyrus undertale #papyrus x reader #undertale fandom #swapfell sans x reader #horrortale papyrus x reader

73 notes · View notes

star-xxx1 · 11 months

Text

Their words and touch hurt like hell pt. 2

Wandanat x Avenger!reader

Carol x reader

Summary: Now that they have you back in their loving chokehold, they must secure you down with a lot of love.

Warnings: a lot of fluff, angst, thigh ridding, sexual acts, break ups...

Part one here

Today was the day, the dreaded Revist.

Your eyes fluttered opened only soon to close tightly, grimacing at the ray of sunshine that gleamed directly onto your subtle features, peaking through the black blinds.

Clasped tightly in the arms of the two women drowning you with so much love and affection.

You felt different, you felt truly happy, once back in there arms, since the play out of the women's damaging actions against you. Though, you really didn't want to, you had to leave the addicting pleasure that surged through your body when the two redheads held you close.

You were sandwiched in between the two Avengers, your leg was draped over Wanda's waist, her head planted firmly on your boobs, Natasha had her left arm snaked under your body placing her hand on your soft stomach for some very needed skin to skin touch, her right arm thrown over your hip reaching out for Wanda's hand to hold. You gawked at the site of the two redheads being so sweet.

You slowly and carefully moved out of their iron- like hold, freezing like a deer In headlights whenever they made the of smallest movements or noises. After you had succeed, you gently tiptoed to the bathroom to have a shower and get ready for the day.

After undressing and stepping into the shower letting the lukewarm water cascade down your tense muscles, you let at a sigh of relief, happy that today you would get a sense of closure from the revist, maybe poor girls screams would stop haunting you and your dreams.

Stepping out you reached for a towel, wrapping it tightly around your now cold body. You moved over to the marbel sink and stared in the mirror, thoughts rushed through your mind, we're you going to succeed? Was everything and everyone be okay? How many Hydra agents were they going to be?. Taking a deep breath you took out your skincare, and started your daily routine.

When finished you took a last quick glance over yourself. Opening the door you were startled by your two girlfriends standing there in very formal stances a silly grin set on both there faces.

"Fuck! Jeez, Don't do that!"

"Morning dekta" Natasha purred.

"Morning hunny! " Wanda quickly added.

"Morning" you mumble out while walking passed them, Stress levels starting to build up again.

Wanda let out a little frown at your reaction towards them. Both women followed you towards the walk in closest, since you didn't have anything to wear you had to chose out off their selection.

Running your hands through the many clothes, you selected a soft grey top, Upon finding black sweatpants you also found some of your underwear and bras that Carol must have missed while packing, You thanked God because you really didn't know what you would have done.

"Do you mind if I wear this?" You asked, showing them the selected outfit.

"Nope, not at all" Wanda replied whilst Natasha shook her head, not minding. Pleased with there respone you dropped your towel not caring if the to redheads left or not.

Natasha and Wanda's knees almost buckled at the sight of there oh so beautiful girlfriend naked. They missed you and your body and especially your whorish moans they only could unleash within you and this scene definitely did help there growing members.

The two redheads had to step out the room before fainting. After Slipping the fuzzy t-shirt on, you trekked out to see the Natasha and Wanda wrestling and laughing on the bed, making you playfully roll your y/e/c, alluring eyes.

Before you could pull open a the oak door, a raspy voice sounded.

"Hey where are you going dekta?" Natasha asked.

"Um I'm just going to the kitchen?"

"Stay with us please! We can cuddle?" Wanda tried her best to get you to stay, they wanted you at all times, plus they didn't want you to run into Carol.

"But I'm really hungry, I also need to go talk to the group about the revist." you visibly cringed at the thought of talking to Carol especially after finding out what she had done to sabotage the tough relationship you had sustained between the two redheads.

"N-uh" The Ex-spy tutted while shaking her head no, still straddling the witches hips. "I talked to Fury and convinced him to switch Carol over with Wanda, since he owns me a few favours, and I can grab food for the three of us."

"Really, Wanda is coming with me ?!" You squealed out in excitement.

"Yes, hunny" Wanda confirmed.

"Ah, Thank you!" You ran to the bed and threw yourself into your lovers.

Warm arms developed you into a tight embrace, humming at that pleasurable feeling that shot down your spine, your stomach grumbled filling the comfortable silence.

"Okay that's my sign to go get food" Nat chuckled while getting up. You and Wanda whined at the loss of her but quickly tangled up in each other trying to find the warmth that you both so desperately sought out.

Once that warmth finally returned, you let out a deep content sigh.

"Wanda, we have to go in three hours, are you sure your ready?"

"Yes sweetheart, I tried harder in training so when we got you back I would be the most obvious choice over Carol for the mission" Wanda explained pulling you more closer possessively. You were so thankful that Wanda was powered, before the whole false cheating scenario Wanda wasn't as powerful as she is now clearly over powering Carol. Since fury need a powered Avenger on this mission to overpower any inhumans that may go haywire.

"Okay, I just want to make sure that you would be safe" you replied back.

"I will, how about you try go back to sleep I will be here when you wake up baby" you nodded, your head against the witches neck. Soon you close your eyes and fell into peaceful slumber.

-------------------------------------------------------

The sound of plates being set down Awoke you from your light nap.

"I'm sorry dekta, but I have food!" Natasha said as she passed one of the plates to Wanda then another to you. Your mouth watered from the sight and smell of beautiful pancakes, You grabbed your knife and fork and dug right in, moaning at the taste.

"Is it good?" Nat asked, you answered by aggressively nodding your head yes.

The redhead head gave you that warm smile that you missed so dearly, that action of hers made your heart flutter. You gobbled up the rest of the plate, finishing every bite letting out a satisfied hum.

Wanda and Natasha soon finished there food. The witch got up and took each of your plates and headed down to the kitchen leaving both of with a caring kiss on the cheek.

Nat had a idea spring into mind, she wanted you right now, she was getting impatient from waiting so long. She pulled your form into a straddling position, each leg in-trapped her right thigh, hands firmly holding your waist, she leaned back on to headboard.

"Natasha what are you doing?"

"Shhh it's okay detka just trust me" the redhead whispered, moving you against her beefy thigh, you grabbed her arms letting out a small moan. You would be lying if you said you didn't miss her in a sexual way, you loved when her animalistic grunts and moans boomed across the room as she pounded away at you or when she filled you to the brim with her hot loads of cum.

The woman beneath you let out low grunts at the simulation of your knee rubbing against her clothed cock making her grind your hips harder down, making you moan.

"Natty" you stated quitely that hot feeling heating up more at your core.

Her eyes shot up from your clothed core, locking in with yours.

"What did you just call me?" She asked in shock, a hint of happiness laid in her tone, moving you faster.

"Natty" you moaned out at the increase of speed.

Her heart lit up in glee at the confirmed name, you only called her 'Natty' and Wanda 'Wands" when completely on good terms with them, after agurments it took you a while to start calling them the sweet Nicknames again. She was absolutely dumbfounded by how quick you came around. Her left hand came up to the back of your neck, pulling you into a deep kiss filled with loved and passion. Only pulling away when you started gasping for air, a cat like grin spreaded across her face.

"Natasha Romanoff" you said in a serious tone looking straight into her eyes, making her movements come to a halt.

"Yes, dekta?" Her tone of voice came out unsure.

"I have a mission, I can't go out if you give me jelly legs because you decided to destroy me, I promise you we can have sex when I get back from the revist, plus Wands isn't here that not very fair is it" You said while giving her a cheeky look.

"But I miss you, I miss you so much" she answered back, putting her face in the crook of your soft neck, pulling you into an embrace that you happily returned.

"I miss you to but you don't have to wait that long" you tried to make her feel better, holding the avenger in her more vulnerable state.

"Promise?" She inquired.

"Promise Natty"

Your head whipped around to the door as it slowly opened.

"It's just me" The witch reassured you.

"Wands!" You shouted out happy to see one of your loves. Nat met Wanda's shocked gaze laughing at the face she was making.

"What? Wait what did you just call me?" She questioned.

"Wands?" You were clearly confused. A big smile now present on her face as she made her way to the bed to snuggle up against Nat.

"How about we watch some netflix, mabye y/f/s" asked wanda.

"Yes!" You cheerfully called out. Nat re-positioned you so that you were in between her legs laid back against her front, her strong but careful hands arms wrapped your waist, Wanda cuddle into both of your sides, holding your hand.

Once set and comfortable you grabbed the sleek remote, opened Netflix and selected y/f/s, happy to be in presence of your two girlfriends.

-------------------------------------------------------

Time flew by fast, you three were only broken out of the hypnotic trance the tv pulled you into by F.R.I.D.A.Y speaking through the speakers.

"Agent Y/l/n and Miss Maxioff, Director Fury would like you down at the quinjet bay in 15 minutes".

"Okay, thank you F.R.I.DA.Y" You replied back to the AI.

You wined as you crawled off the bed, almost screaming at the realization that your mission suit was in Yours and Carol's room.

"Guy's, my suit is with Carol." You sheepishly said turning back, hands on knees, to meet there eye's. Once your words hit them those love filled pupils turned pools of frustration. They really didn't want you near that 'bitch'.

"You can go get it dekta but we're coming with you" Nat announced, eyes dark.

"Okay, Thank you!" You ushered out, getting off the bed and onto your feet, clearly in a rush.

You looked back to see your two redheads still lying there. There's eyes darting from you back to each to each other's gaze, a mischievous look on both there faces.

"please can we hurry? " you asked hoping to get a reaction from the women.

But they just continued staring at each other, still that stupid look on there face. You were confused, the only conclusion you could come up with was that Wanda was using her powers to communicate with Natasha mentally.

'We should, I think it we be a good idea' Wanda agreed with Nat.

'Okay, witch' she teased, making wands chuckle.

Both soon joined your standing form, each beside you.

"Umm okay why are you so quite?" You whimpered out, sightly threaten by their eyes which burned into you.

All the sudden two pair of lips crashed down either side of your neck, roughly sucking and nipping, you moaned at the sudden sensation.

"Guys" you tried to warn them but it only came out quite.

Slightly they upped there aggressiveness against your smooth skin, wanting to leave dark hickeys for Carol to see, causing you to wince slightly. Around 30 seconds later the two redheads finally unlatched off your poor skin, steping back to analyse there masterpiece. Two huge angry, redish-purple marks showed on your skin, both made noise of approval and Nat handed you the spare hair band on her wrist.

"Here dekta, put your hair up" she said so softly causing your stomach to erupt with butterfly's. They wanted everyone to see the marks they had inflicted on you, they couldn't risk your hair covering them. Taking the hair band, you pulled your sliky hair into a high ponytail leaving two sections of hair at the front.

"Thanks Natty" you smiled at her.

"No problem, let's go get your suit". Nat replied. You grabbed both hands of your lovers and made your out the door and down the hall.

"We'll stay outside" they did not want to go near her "If anything happends just call us and we'll coming run" Wanda stated.

"Okay, thanks guys!" Their words ressured you since Carol can get very possessive at times. You stole one last kiss from each women either side of you guarded you like a it was a life and death situation.

You Knocked.

No response.

Knocked again.

No response. You placed your hand on the cold steal handle and hesitating at first, you soon opened the door. Upon entering you found Carol curled up on your and her's her bed fast asleep, in a large hoodie and shorts, hugging your old pillow tightly. As you moved closer to her sleeping frame your noticed the tear stains on her red cheeks.

Strangely no love rose when you saw her just pure hatred for her.

she did this to you.

She put everyone in this situation.

It's her fault.

You quickly walked to the closet and grabbed all your clothes, including your suit and stuffed it into your lagre backpack, which you found laying on the floor and threw it over your shoulder.

Happy that you had got every item of clothing back, you rushed out the closet and into the room. Every thing was going smooth until the closet door slammed shut.'Shit' you thought to yourself, you didn't mean to use that much strength.

She started stirring as you stood there in pure fear.

"Y/n/n?" She questioned out loud, but you kept your mouth shut, hoping she would go back to sleep. "Baby?" She asked again rubbing her eyes and sitting up, her vision was a bit blurry but soon her eyes adjusted and she saw you.

"Y/n!" she sprung off the bed and ran to you, pulling you into a tight hug, your head landing right on her chest.

Nat and Wanda heard the blonde scream out your name in excitement. The two women bodies boiled with anger. Both decided to peak through the little crack the door made from you not shutting it fully.

"My princess I missed you, so much, I was worried sick all night!" She pulled away at looked down at you, noticing your hickeys.

"Did they hurt you more? Are you okay? What happened? Did you-" She stopped as she noticed tears roll down your cheeks. These tears aren't sadness, no these were tears of fustration and anger. How could someone that you loved so much do this this to you.

"Hey, princess what's wrong?" she asked with a love filled tone. Both her hands now cupping your cheeks wiping away your tears.

"Carol" you paused, her heartbeat picks up at the lost of the nickname 'Care bare'.

"I want to break up, I know what you did, Carol you accused me for cheating, you did all this, you're the reason I got hurt" Your voice laced so much anger.

Everything stopped as soon as you finished your sentence, her heart plunged In to the depths of her body. It was like time froze only to be replaced with true terror, she felt truly sick to her stomach, her head becoming dizzy. The world started spinning.

"No..." She whispered hands falling besides her body.

"No" a increase In her tone appear, tears now swelling up in her eyes.

"No" she shook her head, trying to deny this brutal reality.

"No no no no" she held her head like she was going crazy, almost shouting at you.

"Carol I have to-" You were cut of by the blonde.

"No! Your not going anywhere!" She shouted at you. Her tears now free falling, noticing that you had flinched at her big reaction, she tried to calm herself down.

Taking a big breath she shut her eyes and ran through her opinions. She knew she had to get you back.

Her hands came up to your face, once again cupping your cheeks. She looked you dead in the eyes and started..

"Y/n, baby your just having a bad day, you need me, you love me, I love you so much baby please don't go, don't I make you feel good?, we can work this out together, please I love you so much, what can I do baby so you don't go?, please..." She started sobbing when she ended her devotion of love to you.

You really just wanted this done with, you didn't love her anymore.

"Carol.."

"Please... I'll make you feel good"

"Carol" you said firmly.

"Please, y/n I love you so much! " she begged.

"Carol, I don't love you anymore, stop this".

Carol wasn't giving up this easily. In her mind it was universe laws for you two to be together.

She crashed her lips into yours, you tried to pull away but her grip on your face was to strong.

Carol suddenly flew back, Red mist surrounding her body.

"She ours" Natasha said in a dark tone, storming in with the witch behind her, magic surrounding her hand. The ex- assassin wrapped her arm around your waist, leading you out the room.

With a flick of Wanda wrist the blonde was silenced and pain started surging throughout her body.

"Are you okay, dekta?" she asked as she led you back to your room.

"Yes, Natty" you gave her a kind, ressuring smile.

She kindly opened the door and delicately sat you on the bed and got your mission suit out for your bag.

"Here you go dekta" she said in the warmest tone, handing you the. In your two girlfriends eyes you were strong but sensitive soul, knowing that you don't like being shouted out from past traumatic experiences. When you didn't respond but just continued staring into the distance Natasha started to get worried.

"Dekta?" Her hand on now your shoulder, breaking you out of the small trance.

"Yeah?" You questioned, now looking her at.

"Are you okay love?" Her concern building up.

"Yeah Natty" takng the suit and standing up to get dress.

Wanda finally came in gentley shuting the door.

"Hi love's" she announced.

"Hi baby" Natasha replied.

Wanda went to the closet and grabbed her mission suit, joining you, changing into it.

When done you grabbed Natasha with all you might and pulled her into a big hug.

"Bye Natty I love you so much" you said, so much Kindness in your voice. Before she could even speak you stood up on your tiptoes and smashed your lips into hers shoving your tounge to her mouth. A moan escaped her lips which you happily swallowed, before she could deepen the kiss you pulled away with a dumb smirk on your face. Quickly moving a hand down to her crotch grabbing it, you narrowed your eyes and met her gaze.

"Mabye you can use this on me later ?" You asked in seductive tone, then you pulled away, going to find your shield badge. She was shocked at your boldness usally it was her or Wanda who made the first move never you. The witch pulled Natasha out her shock induced trance with a peck to the lips and a tight hug.

"Bye nat, love you" Wanda pressed a warm kiss onto her check before going to your waiting form, grabbing your hand and interlocking fingers.

"Bye guys I love you too" Nat blowed a kiss over to you guys.

"Bye Natasha, we will be home soon" Wanda smiled, so did you.

-------------------------------------------------------

You and Wanda finally reached the quintet bay after passing through large marble hallways, many public sitting rooms, the Avengers library and a few elevators, during all of this Wanda never let go of your hand.

Stepping out side you took a deep breath of air, basking in the feeling of freshness. Taking in all the beautiful scenery that you passed, sometimes you even wondered how you ended up here, The compound was truly a breathtaking place, you were especially lucky that you got to live here.

Finally reaching the steps of the bay, you breath hitched In your throat, anxiety building up in your stomach.

"Ah My favorite agent and My favorite sorcerer, Maxioff, welcome" Fury greeted you and your girlfriend. A smile spread across you face at the mans comment, helping ease your nerves.

He was like a dad to you, he took you under his wing once finding you all black and blue from the hands of Hydra.

"I hope you have a safe journey there and back" the director told you.

"Thank you" Wanda gleamed at the man before her.

Before you could even register what was going on she was dragging you into the quinjet.

Your whole day lighten up when seeing Maria sitting up at the control panel for flying the jet.

"Mia!" You sprinted up behind her chair wrapping your arms around her neck, pushing the side of your face into hers.

"Hi y/n/n! how are you?" She asked, moving her hands up to hold your arms, happy to see you.

"Good just a bit nervous, you? " you laughed out.

"Aww you'll be alright I promise and I'm okay thank you" she responsed trying to comfort you. Wanda watch this scene unfold In front of her with a cold glare. She didn't mind Maria at all, she was good friends with her but she just wished that your attention would be on her right now. You walked back to Wanda leaving maira to prepare for take off, not wanting g to distract her further.

Seeing that she had sat down you moved to sit next to her only to be blocked by her hand and a disproving tut.

"Sit here instead sweetheart" Wanda demanded patting her lap. She craved your touch constantly. To her it was like a precious drug that was heavily addicting. Humming in acknowledgment you plopped yourself down on her lap, wrapping your arms around her neck, digging your face into the crook of her neck. As soon you were situated she wrapped her arms around your body.

"Ready, guys?" Maria's questioned.

"Yes" Wanda answered.

Maria pressed the start button for the engine. You felt the grumbling from the jet, your heart was pounding, you really did hope that you wouldn't fail this time, but with Wanda but your side you felt more confident.

-------------------------------------------------------

Hiii sorry this took so long!

Pt. 3 here

#natasha marvel #nat x you #nat x reader #wandanat x you #natasha romanoff #natalia romanova #wanda maximoff fluff #wanda maximoff x reader #natasha romanoff x you #natasha #angst natasha #wanda maximov #wanda maximoff #wanda marvel #wanda imagine #natasha romanoff x female reader #natasha angst #natasha romanoff comfort #wanda maximoff fanfiction

279 notes · View notes

neurosharky · 5 months

Text

Personality Disorders count as Disabilities

This post only contains my personal interpretation of official definitions. It may not represent the opinion of everyone who has a personality disorder and may likewise have people agreeing who do not have one.

I will use my own personality disorder as an example in the end, but would like you to know, that the same applies to all other personality disorders, even if I do not name them.

Abbreviations:

DSM-5 = Diagnostic and Statistic Mannual of Mental Disorders 5th Edition

PD/PDs = Personality Disorder/Disorders

ASPD = Antisocial Personality Disorder

In order to make this easier for everyone, I'll provide you with the definitions for a personality disorder and the one for a disability.

According to the DSM-5 a personality disorder is "An enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that deviates markedly from the expectations of the individual’s culture" marked by at least two of the following: cognition, affectivity, interpersonal functioning and/or impulse control. It further specifies that "the enduring pattern is inflexible and pervasive across a broad range of personal and social situations", "leads to clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning", "is stable and of long duration" and is not better explained by other conditions of mental or physical nature.

The definition for disability will vary depending on ones country, but does have an overall pattern. The US definition from the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) defines it as "a person who has a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits one or more major life activities, a person who has a history or record of such an impairment, or a person who is perceived by others as having such an impairment"

The European Disability Policy (from the official european parliament) says: "Persons with disabilities include those who have long-term physical, mental, intellectual or sensory impairments which in interaction with various barriers may hinder their full and effective participation in society on an equal basis with others".

These disability definitions seem to point towards a longterm impairment in functioning and the management of daily life over a wide variety of contexts.

If it is not clear to you yet how a personality disorder may fit the definition of a disability, let me explain:

A disability has to impair you in a way, that prevents you from interacting with society/life on an equal basis with others. This can look like having difficulties in the social area, not having the same abilities when it comes to working/going to school/university, not being able to do basic activities of daily living on the same level as others, not being able to manage more complex activities of daily living such as finances, insurance, driving and the like on the same level as others, having a difference in reaction/control, having a difference in the ability to perceive reality as the majority does and more. Basically every single way in which your ability deviates from that of the majority of people and impairs you in such a way (whether visibly or invisibly) counts as disabled and the condition that causes it counts as a disability.

Now personality disorders, as mentioned in the definition from the DSM-5 absolutely impair your ability to function in a variety of contexts and very clearly are stated as deviating from that which is expected and common in ones culture. Which is a fancy way of saying "you're different than the majority of people around you". Personality disorders can impair your ability to work/go to school/uni, can impair you in the social area, can impair your ability to do basic and complex activities of daily living and can cause a difference in reaction/control and perceiving of reality.

How a personality disorder impacts a person will be highly individual, but it will inherently impair your ability to function on an equal basis to other people. It will inherently cause personal distress in some way and will be a longterm stable impairment covering a variety of contexts, therefore absolutely fitting the definition of a disability.

Claiming that personality disorders are not a disability is therefore kinda wrong, tho it is up to the individual whether they want to see themselves/ identify as disabled or not. No one will force you to use the word, but the definition of a disability does absolutely include personality disorders.

In some countries you are even able to ask for accommodations to be made and can be declared unfit to work, unfit for military service/jury duty, can be eligible for disability pay/help services and more. This would likely not be the case if PDs would not count as disabilities.

My ASPD is a disability, as it absolutely disables me when it comes to socializing, having relationships, living alone, working/uni/school, doing complex activities of daily living, has an impact on how I perceive reality (tho not caused by it, just influenced), has an impact on my reactions/control/emotional regulation/affectivity etc. I require treatment to teach me skills to lessen the impact of it slightly and give me tools and knowledge on the accommodations I may need. I cannot interact with society/the world on an equal basis to the majority of people who do not have ASPD. I am impaired, I have difficulties, I am disabled.

(first uploaded to my instagram, same username)

101 notes · View notes

sashimiyas · 2 years

Text

the voicemails

Summary: Suna is a gremlin and he makes sure to remind you despite time and distance

Genre: fluff; established relationship; poopy, baby, and babe used as pet names

Word Count: 1.3k

A/n: these are the voicemails Suna and reader talk about in ihyily2; posting again and not looking back. if the tags hate me, guess what, we’re moots (beloathed) then!

“How could you do this to me?” Then there’s a deliberate pause that is intensified by the frantic cheers of background noise, “question mark.”

You’re groaning the moment you wake up, and you wish you could say it’s because of the sunlight roasting your groggy eyes. Unfortunately, Suna would never give you the benefit of a peaceful morning. Despite an eight hour time difference and even more miles apart, you start your day the same way as any – with your wonderfully annoying boyfriend in your ear.

“How can you not answer when I just won the most important game of my life?”

Exaggeration. He’s been in the Olympics.

“You better not be sleeping,” spoiler, you were, “because if you are, you fucking bet I’m tickling your ass the moment I get home. Okay, love you. Bye.”

The sound fades for a moment. It rustles, brushing against what seems like fabric until the noise widens out again. “Call me back!”

And then Suna officially hangs up. You drop your phone from your ear and back to eye level. The voicemail is the first among many so you swipe down to listen to the onslaught of your boyfriend’s odd way of expressing his verbal affection.

“Babe, are you serious right now? Are you mad at me? You can’t be asleep right now. It’s not even midnight there yet.”

This one is about an hour later, your 11pm and his 3pm. You shouldn’t have been sleeping, he’s right, but it’s the tail end of Suna’s absence. The three weeks have been long and despite his keeping you very much in the loop, the void of his presence has taken a toll on you. You must have passed out while mindlessly watching a show last night.

“You’re such a poopy – little shit! – Hey man, what’s up?”

Another voice interrupts him, one you can’t recognize with an accent that you’re not used to. It must be someone he’s met in the UK. “Yeah, I’ll be inside in a bit. After this phone call.” Quick salutations are made, a slap here and there, and Suna’s back on the line. “Whoo! That was close! Can’t have the other team thinking I’m a fucking simp!”

You and Suna laugh both at the same time. Fuck, you miss him and his stupid humor and his stupid laugh and his stupid face.

“Anyways,” he happily transitions as if there is a live audience listening to him, “everyone already went inside, but we’re at this famous spot about to eat fish and chips. Chips as in French fries. That’s what they call that here in London apparently. Can you believe I’ve been here for over three weeks and I haven’t had the iconic meal yet? I’ll send you a pic of it later.”

He’s true to his word and just like always, the lighting and angle is impeccable. Sun cascades onto the golden brown filet accompanied by wide slats of fried potato. A napkin artistically crumpled to the side, it’s so photogenic you wouldn’t be surprised if the image would be the first thing to pop up when you google the dish.

“While we were on the way here, I saw this guy on a bike and it reminded me of you. Don’t ask me why because you’ll probably hit me.” You won’t ask because yes, you’ll more than likely hit him. “Oh! And remind me to tell you about this weird dream that I had last night. But okay, gotta go. I don’t want to make the boys wait on me too long. Love you.”

The timestamp for the next one is 5am. It seems that Suna has resigned to the reality that you are deep in slumber because this time, the call is from Komori.

“Hehe,” a voice chuckles into the line, “looks like you passed the test.”

Your reaction is so dramatic even you can feel the downward tug of your lips. It is not Komori. It is once again your gremlin of a boyfriend.

“I would have been so pissed if you answered Komori’s phone call but not mine.” He heaves a deep breath, preparing himself, “okay fine. low key – low fucking key – I’m a little disappointed you haven’t answered at all but I guess that’s my fault for dating Sleeping fucking Beauty.”

He sounds wistful here and as much as you hate to admit it, your heart stings a little bit.

“Okay. Well I hope you’re sleeping well, Poopy. Hate you but I love you. Bye.”

This last one you just barely missed, not even a full hour ago. You tap on the play button and put it on speakerphone. Having had enough of just laying in bed, you head to your bathroom and begin your morning routine.

“Hey, it’s me again. Suna Rintaro, your boyfriend. Or did you forget already?” He’s whispering now, the husk in his voice makes it obvious he’s had a long day. “What a fucking day. Komori’s already passed out.”

The sound of running water isn’t coming from your sink, but from the one in London. “My mouth feels gross. Hang on, gotta brush my teeth real quick.”

You hear the low hum of his toothbrush and decide to brush your teeth with him. It’s silent as you place a small globule of the paste onto your own and though you know that you’re doing this forty minutes too late, you’re comforted. The companionship is healing, a balm to the ache that has developed. Your toothbrushes are the ones that are timed. They’re the same exact brand, actually. He got them for you during Christmas early in your relationship because ‘it came in a two pack and I didn’t know who else to give it to so here.’ It was a very Rintaro way of making it official but it touched your heart nevertheless.

You both rinse out at the same time and when you’re done, you listen to Suna jostle his way into bed. He talks of the dream he had last night. The details get caught between his pillow and tired lips, and as wild as it is, you struggle to make sense of it. All you know is that there is an octopus involved and apparently Atsumu was a pirate. The message ends abruptly without his usual farewell, and you know you shouldn’t, you know it’s selfish, but your finger ends up dialing his number anyways.

The line barely has a chance to ring when he picks up.

“H’llo?”

“Hey, Baby.” You hear the rasp in your own voice and immediately, you cringe, knowing exactly what comes next.

“Babe, what the fuck? Are you calling me right when you woke up?” He’s cheeky but does little to hide the delight in his tone, “did you miss me or something?”

#reina.writeshaikyuu!!#suna rintaro x reader #suna x reader #suna rintaro #haikyuu #haikyuu!!#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fluff #suna fluff

1K notes · View notes

allbuthuman · 11 months

Text

On Dazai's possible diagnoses

As a psych postgrad with an interest in psychopathology who's been rotating him in my brain for over a year, I thought I should put my two cents out there. This is probably gonna be long, so buckle up.

So, let's start with what he doesn't have: Borderline Personality Disorder

If it's a headcanon then by all means go ahead, but I really don't see Dazai having the disorder based on canon info. Because this is a take I see often, I will go through all the symptoms one by one and explain why I disagree.

A BPD diagnosis requires 5 of the following:

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

I don't wanna get too much into attachment patterns, but Borderline fear of abandonment is largely preoccupied in nature, while Dazai is extremely avoidant. There is a difference between efforts to avoid abandonment and resignation to loneliness. Dazai experiences the second - he does say that everything he holds dear will be lost, but that's something he has accepted. He does nothing to change it. He is resigned. No such effort is being made on his part.

2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships, characterised by alternating between extremes of idealisation and devaluation

I can see why someone would think such instability would be true for Dazai, but that's only on a surface level. If we think about it, his relationships with the people who actually matter to him have been surprisingly stable. My main examples are Oda, Chuuya, Atsushi, and Kunikida. While of course all of them grow and change, the dynamics that were set up when he met each of them have not changed much. Each dynamic is very different, but none of them has has any intense, abrupt shifts. Sure, his relationships can be intense, but that's mostly because of either a) the intensity of the people involved and the circumstances around them (Do you expect two very different and very traumatised teenagers to not fight?) or b) Dazai's persona. You can't take, for example, his fights with Kunikida as an example of instability, because, firstly, it's only ever been like that, and, more importantly, Dazai is fully capable of acting differently, which wouldn't be the case if this were a symptom.

About the second part, Dazai is not once seen alternating between idealisation and devaluation of the same person. What he thinks of those around him seems to be based on characteristics they actually have, interpreted of course by a person like Dazai, who is, like everyone, biased due to his own history and trauma. He's a person and he has opinions on people. Never has he completely idealised or devalued someone, let alone both for the same person, beyond that. The only time we, in the present timeline, see him let his emotions affect how he treats someone is when he first meets Ango again, and what we see is an appropriate reaction from someone who has been hurt. Hell, if anything, he should learn to do that more.

3) Unstable self-image

We literally have no idea. There is minimal information on how Dazai thinks of himself. The only times that I can think of where he actually gave a glimpse into it was when he called himself "a man hated by righteousness" and, less directly, when he told Atsushi that pitying himself would make his life a nightmare, which could have contained some projection. His alienation and struggles with humanity seem to be unchanging, even when he's receiving proof of the opposite, such as experiencing a connection to someone, to the point where he seems to be apprehensive even of change that could come naturally, such as growing close to the other ADA members.

4) Impulsivity in at least two potentially harmful ways (spending, sexual activity, substance use, binge eating, etc.)

He does have this. We don't know his other habits, but he's extremely careless when it comes to his own safety, and it's clear that he abuses alcohol.

5) Recurrent suicidal threats or attempts or self-mutilation.

He also has this one, although differential diagnosis for BPD would require certainty that it exists beyond the limits of the Major Depressive Disorder that he does have.

6) Unstable mood/affect

That is clearly his persona. In fact, the unmasked Dazai seems flatter in affect than the average person, even though we very rarely see him. I could use Oda's descriptions of him as an example, since he's the one who perceived him the most. He's described Dazai's face as lifeless-looking, unmoving, his eyes like wounds. His "natural" state is empty, hollow. It's quite the opposite of someone who's dysregulated and overflowing with emotion, and it's quite clear that many of the reactions that he does display are dramatised and exaggerated on purpose, and often don't correspond to his true emotion at the time at all, if such a thing is present in the first place. You can't count an act as a symptom. His emotions are controlled to the extreme, even in situations where being emotional would be expected.

7) Chronic feelings of emptiness

He has this. Again, we don't know if we can differentiate it from the depressive emptiness, but it's there.

8) Difficulty controlling anger

We've barely seen him angry, let alone uncontrollably so. He's exploded in anger exactly once, in side B of The Day I Picked Up Dazai, when he rampantly attacked someone because Oda was in danger - as a teenager who was seeing the one person he cared about get hurt. Again, he controls his emotions very well almost at all times.

9) Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or dissociative symptoms.

We have no info on paranoid symptoms on his part. Dissociative symptoms are likely there in his struggle with humanity, but they seem to be present consistently throughout his life and not specifically stress-related.

To sum up: he has 3 out of 9 symptoms, two of which can also be explained by depression. In fact, he is in many ways the opposite of a borderline individual - too controlled, too avoidant, too disengaged from emotion. The only relationship patterns of his that might look BPD-adjacent are almost always part of his persona.

For something more plausible, which I also ultimately don't think he has, or at least we don't have enough info: Antisocial Personality Disorder

I'm not gonna go through all the symptoms again, but mafia Dazai demonstrated many of them. However, there are two reasons I don't think he could be given that diagnosis either.

1) We see him behaving in ways that might meet the symptoms only between the ages of 15 and 18. ASPD can't be diagnosed before the age of 18. Dazai as an adult doesn't show nearly as many of those symptoms, and it's not possible to diagnose an adult based on how he behaved as a teenager. That's neither accurate nor fair. The same is true for symptoms of Schizoid Personality Disorder, some of which teenage Dazai also had.

2) An ASPD diagnosis currently requires a diagnosis of conduct disorder before the age of 15. There is no info on Dazai as a child, and we have no idea how he behaved.

(bonus 3): Some symptoms, such as illegal behaviour, are hard to be applied to Dazai's case, because of the extreme circumstances he was in. He was in the mafia, being encouraged to kill people. Of course he broke the law.)

Now, for the things he actually has or might have:

Major Depressive Disorder, of course. This is already long, and I don't think I even need to elaborate. He has almost all the symptoms of chronic depression.

Possibly, Depersonalisation/Derealisation Disorder

Depersonalization/derealization disorder involves a persistent or recurring feeling of being detached from one's body or mental processes, like an outside observer of one's life (depersonalization), and/or a feeling of being detached from one's surroundings (derealization). (x)

It seems to me that his feelings of being inhuman would be quite likely to classify as depersonalisation. Again, we have no idea how Dazai experiences this from a first-person perspective. Everything he actually says is indirect, like calling this world a dream (even though that was at least partly acting), and often in connection to the real-life author and his words. However, it's clear that something is there that doesn't allow him to see himself as a person, and it has affected him significantly.

It's not certain, of course, that he would have this diagnosis. I just thought I should mention it as a possibility, because I haven't see anyone mention it in relation to him.

Even more possibly, Complex PTSD

I won't go through each symptom here either, but one of the core characteristics of C-PTSD is a deep feeling of alienation or shame, of something being fundamentally wrong with you in such a way that puts you apart from other people. Sufferers often feel like they're completely disconnected from others, permanently damaged or worthless, and experience a chronic sense of hopelessness. It is more likely to be caused by long-term traumatic circumstances rather than a singular traumatic event or situation.

Dazai was, for all we know, already very unwell by the age of 14, and was then taken in by Mori, who took his pre-existing feelings of alienation and weaponised them, in order to make him into the "demon prodigy". It's safe to assume that such feelings already existed, and were only maximised during his mafia years, where he was expected and even encouraged to tap into the things that made him different from others.

At the same time, he had no guidance on how to navigate his human emotions and needs and turmoil at any point, which must have only led to a further disconnect from them, therefore cutting his routes for connecting with others further and further.

You may also be more likely to develop C-PTSD if:

you experienced trauma at a young age you were harmed by someone close to you who you trusted you were unable to escape the trauma (x)

While we don't know what happened in his pre-mafia past, all of this apply to his time in the mafia.

I will once again put the disclaimer that none of us knows how Dazai really experiences these things from his POV. He's an extremely opaque character, and most analysis of him is bound to contain a degree of assumption and guesses. However, there are some things that are more plausible than others based on his actions and reactions, and I think these three options, either separately or in combination, make the most sense to me. I would gladly elaborate further and discuss any part of this, including, of course, disagreements, as long as they're informed.

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd dazai #dazai osamu #osamu dazai #bsd analysis #bsd meta #is this meta? i did pull out the dsm and the icd

118 notes · View notes

dramadramallama · 3 months

Text

Love Supremacy - brain rot part 3 (hopefully that's it, last part, i'm done PHEW)

As stated here, the story within a story structure makes for a cool viewing experience. Different readings for different levels.

Layer 1 - Myung-ha abandons himself Layer 2 - Limbo: an intermediary, temporary, blurry state Layer 3 - The Game, roleplaying yourself (Layer 4 - Us, watching the show haha)

It grants both the audience, and the characters a chance to get a new perspective.

As Myung-ha sinks into himself, he has to rise back up.

The game framing is interesting, as it makes Myung-ha an active participant in his own fate. He is more likely to act in the safety of a game, with defined, clear goals, and “easy” missions to complete on the side of the main quest. It compartmentalizes the universe in neat little game notifications, and relieves some of the pressure of the hardest part of life. Finding happiness? Pfff, EASY, right?

Myung-ha is given the opportunity to do what all of us have probably wished at one point: re-start, from the latest save point, where it all went wrong. As argued in part one, the characters aren’t just words on paper, or pixels in a game. They have agency, just like Myung-ha.

1. Mirrors/Symmetry

2. Fate, Free Will, and Happiness

▶️3. Game/Reality

Very soon, it appears the lines between the so-called game and so-called reality are getting extremely blurry.

First, the stakes are incredibly high for a simple game. The penalty is death.

Myung-ha doesn’t seem fazed by the threat of death, he’s not scared of it. It could be because it's "just a game," but I personally think it's because he's technically already "dead." He ignores the penalty and focuses on his mission(s) at face value. Subconsciously, he works towards changing his own fate, and he gets there!

Debuffs (negative effects) need to be corrected

His efforts are slightly slowed by “debuffs.” These incidents happen due to Yeo-woon’s general dislike for everyone (including himself). They slow the process down enough to teach Myung-ha how to build friendships and relationships. The trick here is that Myung-ha is supposed to learn by proxy, through Yeo-woon’s self-love journey, how to love and be loved, and speak his true feelings.

“Bad” things seem to happen because Yeo-woon isn't quite ready for that unstoppable wave of affection Myung-ha unleashes. At first, the debuffs are incredibly mild and inoffensive (Fondness/Affection level around -10 or -5 = a LEAF falling on his face, a defective streetlight, and spicy tteokbokki lmao) and are easily transformed into something positive, bringing them closer.

But Yeo-woon’s affection is directly related to how honest Myung-ha is with himself and others. For example, he is disappointed to realize the urgency of Myung-ha’s text was fake (="Myung-ha doesn't trust me like I trust him"), and he doesn’t reassure Yeo-woon about the fact that he smells like someone else (lol cat energy). By refusing to open himself up to be cared for, it backfires with direct consequences.

Myung-ha is allergic to listening to his own advice. All "do as I say, not as I do." When he told Yeo-woon "when someone cares for you, just accept it, why do you have to [question it?]" I almost screamed. We're all mental health experts when it comes to someone other than ourselves lol.

As for most things in life, the answer is balance. His side quests involve, for example, making other friends, who can be reliable and provide help in return. Kyung-hoon helps with a part time job and Sang-won offers to drive him to Yeon-woo.

Also interesting to note, his knee jerk reaction to anyone trying to enter his sphere is to close himself off, keep some distance. The above is in response to someone using casual honorifics (hyung/oppa).

Kyung-hoon, as if expressing Myung-ha's interiority, explains he's ok with long distance dating. Why? Simple: he likes his boyfriend, and wants to enjoy every moment until it ends. This is in direct opposition to what Myung-ha chooses: he places the certainty of pain/suffering above the mere possibility of happiness.

(...relatable tbh)

Myung-ha's inner desires clash with his depressive state constantly, and it gets worse after Yeo-woon’s affection levels dramatically drop from a positive number, back to zero, and then negative again, due to Myung-ha struggling to accept, and balance his own feelings. Too much love for everyone but himself, too scared to need anyone who might end up leaving him. The debuffs get more serious (Grandma gets hospitalized), and he starts fainting. Myung-ha is falling back into old traps, and like vicious circle, by trying to fix the errors incorrectly, in turn, makes the system shut down.

Thankfully, he does come to understand things remain worthy, even though he cannot have them forever.

The mysterious texts from an unknown number

Myung-ha faints several times, like things aren't quite going right. The nonsensical texts keep pouring in.

These read, to me, like close friends/family grieving, like they're in a columbarium (?). Besides the one from his sunbae at the end, they're all unsigned. There's one text saying they have "followed someone wearing the same clothes as [Myung-ha], knowing it couldn't be [him]", and one about a broken vase. Are they all from his sunbae, relaying the things said to him once? Or after his death? At his funeral? As a prayer? Thinking of him?

While the game server experiences extreme instability, memories, “real-life” happenings parasite the safety of the game.

Very personal elements keep permeating the game play; lines go beyond blurry, and disappear entirely.

Elements outside of the game keep popping up. Soon, the edges of the gameplay aren’t so clear-cut anymore, as Myung-ha gets more precise with defining happiness. His own handwriting shows up in the game notifications.

The answers are his own: he filled in the blanks himself. But he constantly tries to apply them to someone else.

It becomes impossible to dissociate the game from Myung-ha’s existence. I’m sure I haven’t caught them all, but there are many instances where Myung-ha's reality bleeds into the game.

Bubbly, water sounds are heard at key moments, and before long, his "memories" with his sunbae also get a underwater backdrop. To say nothing of the water/wave imagery around Myung-ha.

His world is leaking through the seams, the wave is rolling him over, and he’s sinking deeper. Which way will he come up? Water symbolism is always, MUAH, chef's kiss.

He is given ultimate freedom - a symbolic pen, to overwrite the program, and solve the system errors

Myung-ha for better or for worse, whether he likes it or not, is in control, quite literally, of the game, and by extension, of his life. When he starts to understand he's the origin of the errors, he panics, chooses to end it early, and saves Yeo-woon's fate over his.

That same pen has been used to write all the answers to the questions that appear in the game. He chooses Yeo-woon over himself. The game fails, the universe wavers. Beautiful contradiction: he fights to stay. Just like the way he regretted it after walking into the water. His true intentions come bubbling back up to the surface, and he runs to Yeo-woon, away from death and towards life. He doesn't want to disappear.

Time's up

In the previous post, I went more in depth about how he only gives, never takes. He doesn’t reach out to be pulled out of the water, thinking himself to be alone, and his system slowly starts shutting down.

The scenes end abruptly, we jump from seemingly disconnected locations, faster, while Myung-ha frantically tries to outrun his own errors. I’ve seen some criticism of the pace and editing getting a little hectic in the later episodes, but I think it was purposefully reflecting Myung-ha’s state.

Yeo-woon, with his newfound agency, defies his own story ending. By changing the game’s core mission to “make Myung-ha happy” he counters Myung-ha's one-sided choice and the balance can be restored.

CONCLUSION // PLEASE LET THIS END

"Despite knowing the journey and where it leads, I embrace it and welcome every moment." (Ted Chiang, Stories of Your Life and Others)

It is unclear whether Myung-ha gets a redo in a new reality, or if he gets to enjoy his own personal heaven after death. The game might be a physical representation of Myung-ha’s mind. It’s as real as any other intangible concept, like love, or happiness. There's definitely something to be said about the aspect ratio changing depending on where he is, but...

But to me, it doesn’t really matter. It's not where he ends up, it's how he got there.

I love that we open with Myung-ha abandoning his life at sea, and close on him returning to the water for a new start.

And I love that Myung-ha loves his own story: on his date with Yeo-woon, he gets emotional over the movie because the Monster Croc is "an alien" (COUGH Myung-ha) who joins the Zombie Gorilla (COUGH Yeon-woo) in his world to "save it"...

#love for love's sake #love for love's sake meta #lfls #love supremacy zone #tunnel vision is over #i can REST

43 notes · View notes