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#all his heroic actions were always for love
etheries1015 · 2 months
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The moment Vil fell in love with you, was one of the most vulnerable moments he had ever experienced. It was something that had caught him completely unawares, and never thought he'd fall for someone, much less the prefect of ramshackle.
Spoilers for the end of book 6, if you have not gotten that far.
The ride back to NRC from the island of woe was an exhausting one, to say the least. Everyone was groaning in mild annoyance at Vils sobbing at his now olden state, a wrinkled face with sunken cheeks and grey hair...something he feared more than anything in the world. Nobody actually blamed him, though, for anybody else would react as strongly to see their youth stripped away without even the hint of getting back their original form. Ugly, old, and gross, are all words Vil would go on to describe himself. You felt pity for him of course, but you were just as exhausted as everyone else.
Vil watched you in surprise as you stood up in a sleepy haze, wobbling to the (now) old man and cupping his sunken cheeks into your lively hands.
"Vil," You said sternly, the suddenness of your actions causing him to bite back his sobs for merely a moment.
"What you did for us today," You said with confidence in your tired eyes, "Was the most heroic thing I have ever seen. That was the bravest, most selfless act you could have possibly done, and I truly admire you for it, Vil." Your stern eyes softened with a smile mixed with pity and admiration, unconciously stroking his cheek with your thumb in attempt to sooth his trembling figure.
"We will find a way to get your body back. I understand this is a lot, but you need to hold onto faith." Your hands squished his cheeks together in a teasing and playful manner, purposefully causing him unable to respond verbally. Vil simply nodded, and you continued with passion raising your tone of voice.
"Right now, in my eyes, you are the most beautiful person with the biggest heart of gold I've ever met." You leaned forward and planted a gentle kiss on his cheek, something that drew him back with widened eyes. "Now, you must be incredibly tired from all the fighting we did. Try and rest, okay? You need it." He wanted to tell himself you were simply feeding him words of comfort in order to cease his persistent whining, yet with such confidence dripping with every word and small gesture you had no reason for engaging in, that was how he knew you were genuine.
How could you be so willing to kiss him when he looks like...that? How can you call him beautiful when all he sees are wrinkled hands and spotty skin? The word "heroic" also stuck out to him. Years of being played the villain, always unable to make it to the end of a movie, being discarded as the "bad guy," yet here you were, calling him...your hero. His heart skipped a beat and he could feel heat rise to his cheeks. There's no way you of all people could make him feel so...conflicted.
Yet there you were, with stringy sweaty hair, scratches, bruises, mud riddling your skin from hours of fighting for the world. He noticed how his dorm outfit lay in tatters on your body, and bags under your eyes were apparent as you so shamelessly yawned and sat next to him, falling asleep as you leaned up against his shoulder. This was the brazen prefect of Ramshackle- someone with flaws, attitude, and a disastrous display.
Yet at this moment, all he could think about was just how beautiful you looked, too.
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navybrat817 · 4 months
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Indulgence
Pairing: Dom!Bucky Barnes x Sub!Female Reader Summary: When Bucky calls, you go to him. Word Count: Over 5.7k Warnings: Explicit sexual content, unprotected vaginal sex, D/s elements, bondage, aftercare, established arrangement, insecurities, pet names, longing, possessive behavior, world building, mix of canon and non-canon, slight feels (it's me, okay?), Bucky Barnes (he's a warning, okay?). A/N: I'm very excited for this new AU, lovelies! There's a deep bond between these two, but we know the road to love isn't always easy. ❤️Beta read by the amazing @whisperlullaby, but any and all mistakes are my own. And thanks to @targaryenvampireslayer for listening to me ramble about this part. Divider by the talented @firefly-graphics. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!
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You had only been asleep for an hour when your phone went off, your eyes barely open as you reached for the device and saw the familiar name appear. “Bucky?” You answered drowsily.
“Hey, angel,” he said roughly, the pet name bringing a sleepy smile to your face. It sounded like he hadn't gotten much sleep either. “I’m sorry I woke you up.”
“It’s okay. I have tomorrow off,” you said, a bit more alert as you sat up. “Are you at your apartment?”
“Yeah, I got back a bit ago,” he replied, swearing under his breath. “It’s really late. I just…”
“Need me,” you finished for him, stretching your back as you stood up. If he wanted to tell you he made it home safely from his latest assignment, he would've sent you a text. You knew by now that a call meant he had to see you in person. “Give me a few minutes?”
“You sure? I understand if you’d rather go back to bed.”
“I’m not going to get any sleep until I know you will, too,” you said. It would drive you crazy. “I want to come over. Okay?”
You wondered if the call dropped since you didn't hear anything on the other end. “Okay. I’ll send a car,” he said. He never let you pay for a ride yourself. “Thank you,” he added so softly you almost missed it.
“You don't need to thank me,” you assured him, though you appreciated hearing it. “I’ll see you soon.”
“I’ll be waiting,” he promised, your heart skipping a beat before he hung up.
You brushed your teeth again before you changed out of your pajamas. The outfit didn't exactly matter. If it had, he would’ve told you what you wear. It wouldn't stay on long anyway. You sensed that this was a night for him to simply blow off some steam or release anything still pent up from his assignment.
You were more than happy to help.
“On my way.” You messaged him a few minutes later as you went out to the car.
You politely greeted the driver before gazing out the window. If anyone had told you months ago that you’d be sleeping with the former Winter Soldier, you would’ve laughed at them for saying something so crazy. You never expected to meet the man, let alone connect with him. That was your life now though. You were sleeping with Bucky Barnes.
But it wasn't that cut and dry.
“I’ll be outside.” He sent back.
You smiled to yourself as you thought about Bucky, the man searching for himself again. After years of enduring horrific pain and having no control over his actions, he felt lost once he was free. In his eyes, he would never be able to right all the wrongs of the atrocities he was forced to commit, but making amends for his past was a start. It wasn't enough though to heal the cracks from within. It couldn't stop him from plunging into the deep abyss of his mind where it once felt whole.
He had to find a way to feel semi-normal again. He needed to do something good for someone else outside of his heroic duties. And he had to do so in an environment where he could express himself openly, honestly, and authentically with a person he could trust.
That was where you came into the picture.
If Bucky called, no matter what time of day and you were available, you went to his place in a car he paid for. You stayed until you were both satisfied. A more crude way to think of it was that you helped him fuck out his frustrations and gave him a means to inflict pleasure on someone instead of hurt. It was a routine you were used to by now.
“You wanna be my angel?”
You may be his angel, but you weren't his girlfriend. He wasn't in a place to have a typical relationship. You weren't just a fuck buddy either. You were his submissive of sorts, along with his confidant and a way for him to find release and some sense of normalcy.
While he sometimes fucked you like a whore, he never once treated you like one. He cared for your well-being and checked in on you the way a boyfriend would. He kept his place stocked with your favorite snacks. You didn't sleep with anyone else and neither did he. You looked out for each other.
Unlike your last boyfriend.
As far as arrangements went, you could do much worse. There were rules set in place. Bucky was honest about his needs and helped you heal your wounds from the failure of your previous relationship. But the more time you spent with him, the more you wanted to be with him.
Was it a recipe for disaster?
The drive seemed faster than usual because before you knew it the car stopped in front of Bucky’s apartment building. Your pulse quickened when you saw the brunette standing by the door, donned in his usual leather jacket. Even from a short distance, he looked massive and heat bloomed in your core as you knew what was to come. He moved to the curb with more grace than a man his size should have, his hard blue eyes set on you through the glass before he opened the door.
His gaze practically set your heart on fire and it went full ablaze when he tenderly smiled. He was stunningly beautiful even in the dark of night. It almost hurt to look back at him.
You had it bad.
“Hey,” he said, offering you his gloved hand to help you out. You hardly ever saw him out without his vibranium hand covered. “It’s good to see you.”
“Hey,” you smiled softly, giving the driver a quick thanks before you got out. “You, too.”
Bucky's large hand moved to the small of your back as he gently led you toward the building and opened the door. He didn't like to linger outside for too long. Neither of you spoke as he guided you to his apartment on the first floor and you didn't push him to make small talk. It was a delicate arrangement and some nights didn't call for filler.
Still, you tried to get a read on his emotions. There was a stiffness to his stance, but he didn't appear upset or angry. You also didn’t spot any obvious injuries.
“Were you hurt?” You asked as he took his keys out. He was only gone for a couple of days, but you knew how dangerous the missions were.
He turned and stared at you, not at all surprised by your question since you always asked. “No, I didn’t get hurt,” he assured you, reaching up to scratch at the stubble on his chin. “But I can't exactly talk about it either. I’m sorry.”
You nodded in understanding. It was information you weren't privy to and you doubted he called tonight to talk about it anyway. He peeled back layers of himself, yet there was so much underneath that you didn't know about. You cared for him regardless.
“Bucky, you don't have to apologize for that,” you reminded him.
“I just feel bad. You can tell me about your work, but I can't always talk about mine,” he said, looking both ways before he poked his head into his apartment.
“My job isn’t as ‘exciting’ as yours,” you teased before he let you in.
Bucky had a nice place. The partially exposed brick walls paired well with the hardwood floors. Tasteful, but not extravagant. The thick curtains in the living room matched the drapes in his bedroom. Since he occasionally slept on the floor by the oversized chair, it helped to block out the sun. He didn't have much as far as decor, but he did have a piece of art that his best friend, Steve, drew hung up in the hall.
He also had a bowl that you made on the console to hold his keys, which he promptly set them in.
It meant something that he even let you into his apartment when others close to him had never been invited.
“Need anything to drink?” He asked, slipping his jacket and glove off.
He had an empty glass waiting on the kitchen island in case you did. While you indulged in a drink now and then, he wouldn't allow you to have too many. He refused to have sex with you if you were inebriated. Said it took consent away and you wouldn't be alert enough to use a safeword if necessary.
He wouldn't budge on that rule.
“No, thanks,” you answered, gazing at him.
His T-shirt strained against his biceps, one flesh and one vibranium. You could still smell his cologne from the small distance across the room, amber and cedarwood. Warm, comforting, dominating. All the things he was to you.
Not the monster he sometimes believed himself to be.
You eyed him as he poured himself a shot of whiskey, the need to soothe him coming forward when you caught a distant look in his eyes. He didn't even make a move to down his drink as he set his hands on the counter and stared off. Maybe he couldn't give you the details about what happened, but you could take care of him.
Because as much as he sometimes had to have control over you, both of you had power in your relationship.
“Bucky?” You gently called out, pulling him from his trance. “You can talk to me, even if you have to keep some things to yourself.”
His shoulders dropped as he sighed. “Three months.”
“I'm sorry?”
“Three months since we started this,” he answered.
You realized he was right when you remembered the date. It felt longer yet still brand new. “Yeah. Three great months,” you smiled.
A knot formed in your stomach when he didn't smile back. “And you still feel safe with me?” He asked, gripping the counter so hard you thought it might crumble in his hands. “You really trust that I won’t hurt you?”
Your smile slipped, the questions like a punch to the gut as you walked toward him. You stopped a foot in front of him to give him some breathing room as he made eye contact. Where had that come from? What happened to make him question that?
“Of course, I feel safe. Not only do I feel safe with you and trust you, I know that you won't hurt me. You will always take care of me,” you said with fierce determination, yet with a vulnerability you couldn't hide. “If I didn't believe that, I wouldn’t be here and I wouldn’t submit to you.”
You told him the same thing the day you two agreed on this arrangement. He wasn't your boyfriend, but he wasn't like your ex. He wouldn't just throw you away without a second thought or ignore your needs. You also had faith in him that he wouldn't harm you.
And as much as you trusted him, he trusted you that much more. If he didn't, he wouldn't have called you in the first place. That meant he still trusted himself around you.
He looked away and asked above a whisper, “Do you still think I'm a good man?”
“Yes,” you replied without hesitation, your heart aching when his jaw clenched. “Bucky, look at me, please.”
He slowly made eye contact with you, a storm swirling in his stare.
“You are a good man,” you stated, needing to reach the part of him that believed it. “And it doesn't matter how many times you ask me that, my answer isn't going to change. Ever.”
Bucky was silent, his breathing the only sound in the space. You were worried that you said the wrong thing before he pushed himself away from the counter. Instead of moving back when he approached, you stood firm, ready to brace the storm. You sometimes felt like a mouse confronted by a lion when he got close, but it sent a thrill through you. Because you meant what you said.
You trusted him and he made you feel safe.
“I just had to hear you say it,” he whispered as he cupped your face.
A fire lit within you as Bucky captured your mouth with his. There was care and tenderness beneath the hunger and you found yourself clinging to his arms as you kissed him back. No one before him had ever kissed you with such desire, such passion. It had you chasing his lips when he pulled away too soon.
“Now go to my room, get undressed, and kneel on the bed facing the headboard,” he ordered, his voice low and allowing the words to sink in just in case you had any objections. Because he was done talking and ready to play.
So were you.
It took you a moment to answer since you had to bite back a whine. “Yes, Sir,” you whispered, feeling his eyes on you as you walked to his bedroom.
You focused on keeping your breathing even as you shed your clothes, taking a moment to fold them before you set them on the chair in the corner. The only time you left your garments on the floor was if Bucky put them there or had you put on a show for him. It was his space and you respected it.
He hadn't told you how long to wait for him, but your heart thumped as you knelt on the queen sized bed. You didn’t see any toys as you glanced around, but there was water, snacks, wipes, and the soft blanket you loved waiting on the nightstand. It took a moment for you to spot that there was a blindfold and scarf on top of the blanket. Your womb clenched in anticipation, an exquisite feeling knowing your patience and obedience would reward you.
Bucky walked through the door a minute later and shut it behind him. The energy shifted completely, both of you ready for each other. As much as you wanted to lift your gaze and look behind you, you kept your eyes downcast as he approached the bed. He cupped your cheek once he was close enough and forced your eyes to meet his.
“My beautiful angel,” he whispered, brushing his thumb along your skin as you glowed from the praise. He reached for the scarf and ran his fingers across the silk as he glanced at you. “As much as I hate to cover those beautiful eyes of yours and restrain you, I want you to concentrate on my touch tonight. Just let me have you.”
A shiver rolled down your spine as you nodded. “Yes, Sir.”
“Hands behind your back,” he said, moving to secure them once you did so. The silk was soft against your skin, almost as soft as the kiss to your shoulder. After years of being restrained, you knew he felt guilty at times taking your control away. The difference was you gave yourself to him willingly. “Tell me your safewords.”
“Green is good. Yellow to pause,” you stated, testing the scarf. He never bound you too tight, but it was enough that you couldn’t slip your wrists free. “Red to stop."
“Good girl,” he praised, pressing a kiss to the corner of your mouth. You turned your head a fraction so he could slot his lips properly over yours. Gentle, yet hot enough to melt your insides. “My good girl.”
He maneuvered you so you were in the middle of the bed and spread your knees a bit further apart. He joined you on his knees, still fully clothed. Casting your gaze down again, you bit your lip when you saw the prominent bulge in his pants. A hand came up to grasp your chin before you could stare for too long and lifted your head. If you were still wearing your panties, they would’ve dampened from his darkened gaze.
“So beautiful and all mine tonight,” he said.
“I’m yours, Sir,” you whispered, the word “always” unspoken.
“And I know you were staring,” he smirked, his fingers working the button and zipper of his jeans. His impressive cock sprang free once he pushed his underwear and pants down far enough and you wished you could lean down and swirl your tongue around the large head. “Greedy angel. Just desperate to have my cock in you.”
“Yes, Sir. Please,” you begged.
He made a show of lifting the blindfold before he slipped it over your head, your body tensing up when your world went dark. Sight was one of the senses you relied on the most. It helped you absorb most of the world around you. And now it was temporarily gone. It felt like your heart would burst from your chest as you breathed a bit heavier. But Bucky was there, softly touching your face until you relaxed.
“Breathe, angel. I’ve got you,” he whispered, drawing a gasp from you when his lips touched yours. His hands mapped your body, brushing along your breasts down to your thighs. You felt him everywhere. “Color?”
“Green,” you whispered as a hand moved around your back and forced you to arch. He was careful not to hurt your arms. “Please.”
Your head fell back with a moan as his lips closed around your nipple. You could practically feel that he looked up at you as he gently suckled. A wave of arousal crashed through you as he pinched the other. No one had ever lavished your body with such attention the way Bucky did.
“I love seeing you like this,” he murmured against the swell of your breast. “Helpless. Trembling. Needy.”
You didn't mean to let such a wanton moan escape, but he made you feel needed. He made you feel wanted. It was a beautiful thing to surrender to him.
“And I love that I'm the one you trust to take care of you.”
“I trust you with my life, Sir,” you moaned.
And your heart, even though he had the power to break it.
Your chest suddenly felt colder when Bucky pulled his mouth and hand away and you shook from the loss of his heat. His vibranium hand touched your torso to remind you he was close when he shifted closer to you on the bed. You gasped when he dragged his hand down and you were helpless to do anything but feel when it slid between your legs.
“You're doing so well for me,” he said, his teeth grazing your neck as his fingers spread your sopping folds. He teased you, letting you soak his metal fingers as you mewled. He lightly bit you again when he replaced his fingers with his cock, sliding along your slit, but not pushing inside you just yet. “You want me inside you? You need me to fuck you, don't you? Tell me.”
Your cheeks flamed as you whined. “I need you to fuck me, Sir,” you said, trying to widen your thighs to take him in more.
“I will. I'm going to give you everything you need,” he rumbled, gripping your hips with strong and capable hands to keep you still. “And you’re going to let me ruin your pretty little pussy with my cock.”
You panted with want at his possessiveness. Filthy words were something you never thought you’d hear from someone associated with The Avengers and they kicked your body into overdrive. You ached to have him split you open. “Ruin me, Sir.”
In one swift move he lifted you, pulled you into his lap, and buried himself to the hilt. Your mouth fell open as you let out a cry, every inch of his cock stretching and making itself at home in your welcoming cunt. You couldn't brace yourself on his shoulders with your hands behind your back. You couldn't see the ecstasy in his eyes as he let you adjust to his size, but you didn't have to. Not with the way he dug his fingers in and groaned against your shoulder.
He took you to heaven when he was inside you.
“Color,” he said against your skin, thrusting his hips up once.
“Green,” you moaned, reminding yourself to stay still when you wanted him to move. “So green.”
“Good girl,” he whispered, gently kissing up to your ear. “Keep being good while I bounce you up and down on my cock.”
Your eyes fluttered behind the blindfold as he pulled you up and slammed you back down on his cock. Your tongue felt heavy in your mouth and your heart beat frantically in your chest. It was difficult to string thoughts together, but they all went back to him and how good he made you feel. How he made you feel beautiful.
Flaws and all.
“It’s like your cunt was made for me, angel. Practically crying all over my cock,” his voice was smoky as sounds of pleasure tumbling from your lips. The next moan was softer when he slid a hand up to your neck, resting it there as the other kept your hips flush against his. “You deserve to feel good because you are good. So fucking good.”
Your lower lip trembled as a sob worked its way to your throat, “Thank you, Sir,” you whimpered before he squeezed.
“And I. Deserve. You.” He punctuated each word with a deep thrust. You didn’t have to see his face to know the fury that surfaced. “My angel. Mine.”
It overwhelmed you as he bounced you in his lap, sinking you down onto him again and again. His thrusts were almost unforgiving, but the hand on your throat didn’t tighten anymore. He couldn’t hurt you. He wouldn’t hurt you.
“I’m your angel, Sir,” you moaned as he reduced you to a needy wet mess.
“I wanna tear you apart,” he growled against your lips. “And put you back together so you still feel me when you fucking breathe.”
“Tear me apart, Sir,” you gasped, a plea for him to use you more. Your thighs hit his as he thrust up and all you could do was take it. He touched places inside you no one else could reach, physically and emotionally, and you never wanted it to stop. “Please!”
“Tell me you need me to come inside you and I’ll let you come,” he ordered, the hand on your neck squeezing a fraction. “Say it.”
“Come inside me, Sir,” you begged.
“Bucky,” he breathed against your lips. “Say. My. Name.”
Your next breath was shaky. He always had you call him “Sir” on nights like this. Why was this different?
Your orgasm began to crest, but you couldn’t let go until you gave him what he wanted. And he’d give you what you needed. “Come inside me, Bucky,” you exhaled. “Please.”
He swiped his thumb along your pulse with a deep groan, his cock still driving up into you. “I will after you come,” he promised, his tongue sliding past your parted lips and pulling away all too quickly. “C’mon, angel. Come for me. Show me you’re mine.”
The sob you tampered down earlier resuraced, wrenched from your throat as you came. Your release continued, practically leaking around his cock as tears slid out beneath the blindfold. You were beyond rational thought as pleasure spiraled through you, vaguely aware that he thrust through it to chase his own end.
“Good. Fucking. Girl.” He grunted, pulsing hotly inside you as he filled you up.
Both of you panted as you continued to drift from euphoria, your heart still beating wildly. You were warm, but your body shivered as he lifted you up. Your combined release slid from your aching cunt once he slipped free. You floated and wanted him to catch you, but you couldn’t put your arms around him.
“I’ve got you,” he whispered when you let out a whimper. He made quick work of untying your wrists so he could lay you down properly and wipe away the tears still on your cheeks. “I’m going to take the blindfold off.”
Your eyes stayed shut for a moment when Bucky removed it, but you cracked them open when you wanted to see him. Your vision slowly cleared as you blinked a few times, your mind still floating as he came into view. He called you an angel, but he was the one who had a halo around his head at the moment. A gorgeous angel who had unrightfully had his wings taken away. He smiled like he wanted to eat you alive, but his touch was nothing short of tender when he brought his hand to your face.
“So fucking beautiful. You did so well for me. Fuck, I just wanna clean you with my tongue and fill you up all over again,” he praised as you clenched around nothing and whined. As hot as it sounded, you needed a bit of rest after that. “Not tonight,” he smiled, keeping a hand on you as he grabbed a wipe.
A reason he had everything close by was because you craved his touch after sex. If he ever got too far away, you whimpered and reached for him. It made you feel needy, but he assured you that he needed to keep touching you just as badly.
It just wasn’t fair that he looked so composed.
Bucky continued to shower you with soft praise as he cleaned you up. It didn’t take him long before he wrapped the soft blanket around you, trembles moved through your entire body as he put his arms around you, too. He took aftercare very seriously. It was a way for you to feel cared for and nurtured while allowing your body and brain to return back to normal. He never wanted you to experience negativity or sadness after any sort of session, especially an intense one.
You were aware that he moved you closer in his arms and rested his cheek against the top of your head, but you weren't ready to speak yet. It always took you a minute to come back to yourself and he was never one to rush or push you. If relaxing in his embrace was what it took to return to the world, he was more than content to keep you in his arms.
At least, that was what he told you.
You opened your eyes after a few minutes. Your heartbeat was back to a steady rhythm, but you still weren't ready to move yet. You were warm and safe. Bucky was there to take care of you. But what about him?
Had you taken care of him?
Bucky had a faint smile on his face when you lifted your head, his shoulders relaxed and eyes soft. Like he was at ease with everything around him. “Welcome back, angel,” he whispered, peppering your face with light kisses.
“Hey,” you smiled tiredly, your voice a little hoarse as you brought a hand to his hair, happy that you could touch him again. Judging by the way his eyes slipped shut for a moment before he opened them, he missed your touch, too.
“You okay?”
“I am and so are you. You're okay.” It wasn't a question. Whatever haunted him earlier was gone.
For now.
He didn't tear his gaze away as he reached for the water behind him, which you gratefully accepted as he put it to your lips. “You amaze me, you know? You just came back to yourself, but you're talking about me being okay.”
“Isn’t that why you call me?” You asked with a small frown, taking another large sip. “To help you?”
His brows furrowed. “It’s not just about me. This is about you, too.”
You took one more drink before you could say something stupid. Yes, this was about you, too. How he didn't push too far. How he’d hold you after sex and talk with you because those things were important to you. How he made you feel cherished and wanted for a short while.
You just didn't want to admit that he was a constant in your mind. But would it be so wrong if you did? Even if he’d never date you, didn't he have a right to know how you felt?
Communication was key and you would have to eventually tell him if those feelings persisted.
“It’s about both of us and I just want you to be okay,” is what you said because it was the truth.
He set the water aside and cupped your cheek, his calloused hand a little cool, but nice. You almost wished you could hide from his knowing eyes, but he didn’t press you for more. “I am now,” he said, swallowing a little. “I just couldn't let you see me tonight.”
Worry filled his eyes like he may have upset you, but you shook your head. You had seen his scars, but he was never obligated to show you his body. “You're letting me see you now,” you said, scooting closer as he brought your wrist to his mouth to kiss it.
You thought about how the evening played out. How he asked if you thought he was a good man. How he demanded that you speak his name. And how he said he deserved you. Either something happened while he was gone or someone said or did something to get to him. You wished you knew what it was since he didn’t expand on what had been eating away at him before.
“And before you ask, you didn't hurt me,” you told him, knowing the question was coming. You appreciated that he cared enough to check.
He pressed a kiss to your temple. “Good because I’d never stop hating myself if I did,” he admitted, looking at the ceiling for a moment. “You don't deserve that kind of pain.”
Your heart swelled, not letting any past hurt enter your mind. He made you believe that you deserved better than what you had. It was a good feeling.
“Neither do you. And that's a reason why safewords exist. Both of us can use them,” you reminded him. Like aftercare, he took the words seriously. He listened to you. And if he ever got overwhelmed, he had every right to stop it the same way you did. “So no self-hate tonight.”
He huffed in mock annoyance. “Yes, ma’am. And speaking of self-hate,” he teased, tilting his head to look your way. “I really don’t want to go to therapy tomorrow.”
There was a forced calmness in his blue eyes as you assessed him. “You still don’t like your therapist,” you stated.
One of the conditions of his pardon was that he had to go to therapy. It was meant to help him process his thoughts and past experiences in order to work through them. Though he didn’t tell you what went on in his sessions as it was none of your business, he didn’t keep it a secret from you that the doctor was far from his favorite person.
You wondered if Bucky told her about you.
“What’s there to like?” He asked.
You smiled a little, knowing better than to poke the bear and say she probably wasn't that bad. “Well, being able to speak to someone who provides non-judgemental and empathetic support is one thing.”
“That’s why I like talking to you,” he said, the affection in his voice making your heart skip a beat.
“Oh,” you said, not sure what else to say.
Moments like that made you think he cared. No, that wasn’t right. You knew he cared about you. But hearing things like that made you feel like there was hope for more and he wasn’t ready for that.
Hope was both a wonderful and dangerous thing.
“Have you met anyone else?” He asked suddenly, moving his hand to your back.
It was a question Bucky asked every time he had you over. He said from the start if there was another man in your life that you’d rather be with, someone who could offer you more, he’d step aside. There wasn't anyone else. You didn't want anyone else.
And while it was admirable that he would walk away if that ever changed, your heart ached at the thought that he’d easily let you go. Because at the end of the day he wasn't ready for a relationship. Not yet.
Even if he was, who said he wanted one with you?
“No, I haven't met anyone,” you said, feeling the warm breath of his exhale against your skin as his hand moved up and down your back. It relaxed you more and you found yourself fighting a yawn. “Have you?”
“No,” he chuckled. The crinkles by his eyes made him look carefree. “Not since you saved me.”
You shut your eyes, afraid that tears would well up if you looked at him. “I didn't save you. All I did was buy you a coffee one afternoon,” you whispered dismissively.
That day changed your life.
“I’m going to let that slide since you're sleepy, but I’m going to remind you when you're wide awake that you did a lot more than that,” he spoke. He held you a little tighter when you stayed quiet. You were more tired than you thought. “Get some sleep, angel. I’ll be here when you wake up.”
You let your eyes shut at his command. “Thank you for taking care of me, Bucky.”
“Thank you for taking a chance on me.”
There was something else unspoken in the air, but a tender kiss to your forehead stopped you from reading too deeply into it.
In the morning, he’d send you back to your place after he made you breakfast. He’d text you later to make sure you were okay. He would continue to check in and you would do your best not to fall for him more. Because one day he wouldn't need you anymore. You didn't know when that day would come, but tonight you could indulge in the fantasy that Bucky wanted you to be his girl.
Permanently.
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I just want these two happy and together. Love and thanks for reading! ❤️
Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi
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tqmies · 7 months
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Love Guard | Lee Chan
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Description. Lifeguard Lee Chan is a pain in your ass, and you swear he's only picked up this job to ogle at girls in bikinis. Little did you know, the only girl he wants to look at is you — not that you'd ever let him tell you that though — Especially now that you're convinced he's in love with your co-worker.
Pairing. Lifeguard!Lee Chan x Lifeguard! Fem Reader
Warnings. Curse words, (Pretend) Drowning, Karina attempts to meddle, Fluff, Chan's so whipped, Swimming, E2L (One sided)
Word count. 9.2k (Oops?)
Note: Summer has been over but I couldn't help myself! Welcome to my first Seventeen fic! Not 100% sure if I like this one but feedback is always appreciated!
"Two weeks." You repeat to yourself, attempting to calm yourself by digging your fingers into the squishy material of the rescue tube you have strapped on. Only two weeks left until the local waterpark is closed for the year — and until you have to look for another job — but the point remains a positive one.
In exactly two weeks from now, you will be freed from your own personal hell in human form, otherwise known as Lee Chan. Even when he's not stationed at the same ride as you, he's always finding his way over in your general proximity, just like he is now.
He's chatting up a few girls who look gorgeous in their tight fighting bikini sets, and you just about scoff at how obvious he is. You and Karina are set at the wave pool right now, and you feel bad for whatever station Chan is supposed to be manning. Does he ever do his job?
Karina quirks her head, her long ponytail falling to her side. "I heard he was supposed to be with the flow rider."
Ah yes the flow rider, the stationary surfing machine that tiny children and older adults alike swear they can do. You've only had to operate it once, and let's just say you complained so much you never had to do it again. Just this once, you can understand why he wandered over to the other side of the park.
"Vernon probably took over and kicked him out." You shrug, knowing how serious the older male takes his job.
"I hope so." Your friend giggles, patting your shoulder as she walks away. You notice her hand on the whistle, she must've spotted a few kids running again, nothing out of the ordinary.
A few feet away, Chan is just about whining into these poor girls ears. He smirks at them. “Is she looking this way?”
The girl on his left — whose name Chan hasn't caught — glances over her shoulder and then turns back. “She’s not, she’s watching the pool.”
One of the other girls snorts. “Looks like she’s doing her job.”
"That makes one of us." Chan slumps dramatically before an idea pops into his head. (The girls swear they could see a lightbulb above his head in that moment).
Chan swivels into the water after he stood to his feet, the others awaiting his revelation. "Okay, I'm going to need one of you to pretend you're drowning."
"Drowning?!" The blonde girl's jaw drops. Chan doesn't see why he has to explain it though. They would simply pretend they were drowning, he'd jump in all heroic like, and save them. And in the process, you'd notice and commend him for being so cool.
Chan was a genius, he nodded to himself.
So after explaining the plan to girl's that he had just met today, well about twenty minutes ago, he's ready to get this show on the road. He's lucky the girls felt bad for him after he gave the typical sob story on how his crush hated him. Otherwise, they probably wouldn't have agreed.
The blonde girl submerges herself into the water, on purpose, as Chan prepares to take action. But first, he had to take his shirt off. Oh don't act so shocked, he's literally trying to get your attention! He's not above showing a little skin!
You don't even notice though, too preoccupied with watching some children jump on each other. You approach them and politely tell them to not attempt to kill each other under the water. You didn't even think that needs to be said but, this job surprised you every day.
However, the minute you turn around, you notice some arm's flailing around in the water. It was the area where Chan was just standing, but he's nowhere to be found now. Shit! You were going to have to act, and fast!
So you dive into the water, peeling your eyes open in the chlorine to find the girl. You reach her in record time, using your rescue buoy to grab her and pull her out. You lay her on the concrete, shaking her shoulders and gaining no response.
"Someone get me an AED!" You shout, preparing to begin CPR. Karina rushes to your side, asking any bystanders if they knew what happened and trying to gain more information about the situation. Thank goodness for her.
A crowd begins to form around you as you recall the CPR process in your head, ready to begin when you're abruptly shoved out of the way.
"I got it!" Chan explains, seemingly appearing out of nowhere. You're too stunned to reply so you just let him take the lead, watching his next moves in silence.
He barely starts to push on her chest when her eyes shoot open, and she begins coughing up imaginary water. You're a bit suspicious, but this was your first time dealing with an unconscious victim, guess you'd just been lucky so far.
She sits up as she starts talking, waving her hands around. "Don't call 9-1-1 or anything! I'm fine!"
Karina leans forward. "Are you sure?"
"Yes!" The girl replies, before easily standing to her feet as she rushes out, her friends following behind her. They didn't even have their shoes on?
Chan watches them in defeat as you and Karina silently gape at each other. The girl had run away steadily, no signs of being disoriented for someone who had just been unconscious. It did all happen so fast though, maybe you weren't seeing things right.
Karina is the first to stand. "What just happened?"
You shake your head, your now wet hair dripping on you. "I don't even know."
Chan doesn't look as confused as you two though, but never mind that, you had a bone to pick with him first.
"And where the hell were you?"
Chan barely registers you speaking to him, as he's mentally recounting how his plan went awry. "I was getting my CPR keychain."
You want to bang your head against the ground. "You didn't have it on you?"
Hey, give him a break. He's human too! He forgets things sometimes, it can't be that bad! However, if he was going to convincingly look like he was saving the girl earlier, he had to have his keychain on him. Which is why he ran off looking for it...
"I left it in my locker." He mutters, rubbing the back of his neck.
"God, just put a shirt on Lee." You stand to your feet. "And please do us all a favor and stay in your station."
"So you acknowledge that you checked me out?"
You deadpan. "I acknowledge that you make my job harder because an old woman almost slipped on the shirt you threw off!"
Had he really thrown his shirt? He didn't even notice, your wording had to be a bit exaggerated.
You cross your arms as you head back to the other side of the pool, back into your comfy life guard chair. And preferably, as far away from Lee Chan as possible.
..
"Then he shows up like some fucking hero and interferes with me doing my job!" You state sarcastically, slipping your sweatshirt on as you stand by your locker. Screwing the cap back onto your water bottle, you sigh.
Minghao, your close friend who you never managed to get stationed with, just listens in mild amusement. "But he saved the girl, right?"
You shake your head as you gather your things. "I don't know if you could call it saving. It was weird, she just up and ran off."
Minghao giggles. "Are you sure she was drowning?"
"If I didn't know any better, I'd say no." You admit, the jingling of a lanyard behind you catching your attention.
"Okay, I'm heading out." Karina says as she holds her bag over her shoulders. Your brain is too busy trying to configure how she looks so cute after a full day at work. You were sure you looked as worn-out as you felt.
"MIngyu's still around here somewhere. And Seungkwan and Chan are still in the back, I saw them fighting with the pool nets." Karina continues, referring to the long wands used to skim the pools for bugs and dirt. Or worse, fecal matter.
Thankfully, that's usually not the case. Nevertheless, you're grateful that wasn't your job today. You did have to lock up though, meaning that you had to get the aforementioned boys up and out.
"I'll get Minghao to yell at them." You nod, and Minghao just laughs.
Back at the pool, Chan is currently shuffling his brain for another plan, one that won't fail this time. Honestly, it probably made you more angry at him than anything. "I have two weeks Kwan."
Seungkwan rolls his eyes. "Oh God."
"Two weeks to make her mine." Chan repeats, rubbing his eyes.
"You're delusional." His friend replies, picking up his own pool stick and heading to the main area. "Why don't you start with something simple, like driving her home first."
Chan perks up at that. "Wait, that's actually a pretty good idea!"
"Actually?" Seungkwan starts, but Chan is already racing past him, pool cleaning long forgotten. Though the older male still shouts after him. "I always have great ideas!"
Chan mentally prepares himself on the way there, stopping by one of the outside mirrors in the kids splash area to check his hair. Looking good, he thought.
"Hey," Chan speaks, approaching you and Minghao as he tries not to give the latter a death stare. He could never figure out what kind of relationship the two of you had, and that made him uneasy. Not that you owed him an explanation or anything, but it'd be nice to get some clarification.
All he knew was that you and Minghao applied for this job together and you'd been friends for a while. Chan also knew you spent your lunch breaks together at the snack bar, courtesy of his friend Mingyu's spying, and he knew he took you home everyday.
But those could all just be friendly gestures, right?
You ignore Chan's presence as you turn to close up your locker, not bothering to acknowledge him. Minghao does though, "You heading home?"
"Yeah, actually." Chan responds, eyes never leaving your figure. He calls out your name, to which you roll your eyes to. "What?"
He stands up straight, slightly puffing his chest out in an attempt to appeal more to you. Was it working? Probably...Not. "Can I drive you home?"
"Not a chance." You shoot down immediately, not a hint of hesitance in your voice. Oh, that was fast. But Chan knew this wasn't gonna be easy after all.
"I'll buy you food on the way." He offers, clinging to his last ounce of self respect before he gets on the floor to start begging. He was not above that when it came to you.
You cross your arms. "Are you insinuating that I can't buy my own food?"
Of course things were going this way, "That's not what I-"
You put a hand up to stop him, smirking. "Because you're right, this stupid job doesn't pay me nearly as much as I'd like."
Chan stays quiet, unsure of what to say next. Luckily, you continue for him, all in a condescending tone though. "Whatever Lee. Even though you're probably doing this just to feel better about yourself for being such an asshole all the time, I'll bite."
Minghao grimaces, had you always been this harsh? Well, he knows the younger male did you piss you off more than usual today. He knows in his rational brain that he probably shouldn't let this happen. But will he? Yeah.
Minghao gently grabs your arm. "Call me when you get home, okay?"
"Of course." You reply, and Chan watches you flash a smile reserved for your friends only. He knows that because never once had you directed that smile at him. This was soon to change, or so help him.
"You can go ahead, I'll get 'Kwan and lock up." Minghao nods and you thank him.
Chan's just about losing his mind though, Minghao was on a nickname basis with Seungkwan? What the hell? Did Seungkwan not know that Minghao was enemy number one ?! He had some words for him later.
Right now though, his main focus was you. Even in the horrible florescent lighting of the locker room, he thought you looked beautiful.
You, on the other hand, were getting the ick from seeing Kim Mingyu walk around with flip flops. That was going to be hard to move on from.
Just to be clear, you really weren't interested in relationships right now. And yes, you and Minghao were just friends, strictly platonic. However, with on slow days, you liked to occupy yourself with staring at Mingyu's prominent muscles. And honestly, who could blame you?
Chan redirects your attention to him. "So, where to?"
You roll your eyes. "You were the one who invited me out, and you don't know where we're going?"
He looks down. "McDonalds?"
So that's how you two end up in the drive-thru of the famous golden arches. Chan has a million thoughts running through his head, the main one being how he managed to get you in his car, willingly!
In another universe, Chan imagined that this would be your first date. He'd make you laugh, hold your hand, and maybe even get a kiss at the end of the night.
"Should I get a Coke or a Sprite?" You speak to yourself, pulling Chan out of his thoughts.
He straightens his posture. "Oh you should-"
"I wasn't actually asking." You roll your eyes, already mentally having decided in your head.
Chan shuts his mouth.
"You know, I'm really interested in hearing why you invited me out of a sudden." You say, leaning your head against his car window.
Chan's scrambling for the words. "I just wanted to talk."
"About?"
Chan breathes in, here goes nothing. "Well, we only have a few weeks left working at the park, and I kind of.. like this girl."
You narrow your eyes, knowing where this was going. "Oh lord, did you really drag me all this way to try to get me to set you up with Karina?"
Chan's eyes widen. What?! How did you get to that conclusion. Chan barely knew the other girl, much less liked her. In all honesty, he barely even paid her any mind, always too preoccupied with staring at you by her side. He rushes to deny it. "No-"
"You don't have to lie." You speak, rolling your eyes. "You took me here on a bribe so I could put in a good word with you."
Chan's so confused right now.
"Sorry but I think Karina's worth more than whatever you're getting me on the dollar menu." You spout sarcastically. "And anyways, why would I help set her up with you?"
Now, Chan has to speak up, because really? Was he that bad that you couldn't even imagine setting him up with a friend ? He's mildly offended, even if he could care less about her. It's more so that he's utterly infatuated with you, and he can't believe you don't see him as possible boyfriend material. "Huh? What's wrong with me?"
You narrow your eyes. "Well, for starters you're broke, lazy, and irresponsible. Oh, and stupid, immature, full of yourself-"
You were really laying it on thick, and Chan doesn't think he can take anymore stabs at his character without possibly jumping out of his car window. He interrupts, "Anything else?"
"I wasn't even done yet." You stop counting on your fingers. "Point is, you're not good enough for Karina."
He doesn't even care about who you're talking about anymore, he throws his hands up. "You don't even know that, you've never seen me on a date." Because you've never given me a chance, but he only speaks that last part in his head.
"I've seen your everyday character, that says more than enough."
Chans on the verge of ramming the car in front of him in line. "So what kind of guy would be good enough?"
You shrug. "Probably someone like Joshua."
"The manager?" Chan draws back, because were you referring to Karina's taste or yours? He was so lost right now. "He's like way too old."
You click your tongue. "I said someone like him. He's smart, soft-spoke, responsible, and he knows how to deal with conflict."
Chan grips his steering wheel. Yes, Joshua had his life together, but that's because he was older! Was that really what you were into? Chan might as well throw in the towel now. "It sounds like you want someone like Joshua."
"Maybe, I don't know."" You cross your arms in thought. "Well, he's kind of boring, can't be much fun dating someone like that."
So there is a drawback to perfectly stunning men like Joshua, or was he just saying that to make himself feel better? He'd have to ask Seungkwan for advice tomorrow. "Well-"
"Whenever you're ready." A voice takes over through the intercom. Chan hadn't realized he had already pulled up this far.
He didn't even know what he wanted, in fact this whole conversation made his stomach turn. Was he even hungry anymore?
However, you knew exactly what you wanted. But Chan's silent by the intercom so you do the only feasible thing to do, you unbuckle your seatbelt and lean over him. Climbing past the center console, you throw your body halfway out of the window and start reciting your order.
Unbeknownst to you, the male in the car with you was losing his mind. Why were you so close to him? Why did you smell so good? Why was your body basically on top of his (You aren't touching at all)? And Why did this feel so intimate?
You turn to him, still in the same position. "What do you want?"
Chan's face is red, and he's trying his best to stay cool, avoiding eye contact. "A burger."
"Which one?"
Poor guy can't think straight. "The normal one?"
You sigh, turning back towards the speaker. "And a Big Mac."
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"I think Chan likes you." You speak, seeking refuge from the scorching hot summer sun under the tiny roof peeking out from the food stand.
Karina sips on her slushie, that's halfway melted, and grimaces. "No way."
You offer a tight lipped smile before shooting her glare. "Don't give me that look! Who wouldn't like you?"
Karina laughs. "It's not that I don't think he'd like me, it's that he doesn't."
"And how are you so sure?" You ask, adjusting the straw on your own slushie.
"Um, okay one, he's never held a conversation with me for longer than two minutes." She starts, placing her cup on the counter. Trying her best to stop the syrup from getting her hands all sticky.
You digress though. "That's because you make him nervous!"
"Two, we barely know each other."
"You haven't given him a chance." You tease, unaware of prying ears listening to your conversation. Give you a break though, honestly, it was too hot for all of this.
"Where did you even get this idea from?" She inquires in disbelief.
"Last night when he took me to McDonalds."
Karina's jaw goes slack. "You voluntarily went somewhere with him outside of work?"
Guess you had forgotten to mention that, oops. "He bribed me with food."
She narrows her eyes, suspicious but moving on anyways. "And then he told you he liked me?"
"No," You answer truthfully. "But he didn't deny it."
Karina shakes her head. "I think you're just desperate for some cute lifeguard-love-story to shake things up around here, and it's not going to work on me."
You giggle. "Whatever you say."
"You could have your own story if you just asked out Minghao already." She suggests meekly, despite knowing your constant insistence that there was nothing going on between you two.
"That's gross, I think I just threw up in my mouth."
"Yeah, I know." She teases before lowering her voice so only you can hear, and her eyes dart over to Mingyu making a hot dog. "But you could finally strike something up with mister beef cake over here."
You roll your eyes. "He's too hot for me, half the park wants him."
"He gives you free food."
You hush your friend. "He gives everyone free food!"
"You win this battle." Karina says, trashing her finished cherry drink. "But the war is far from over."
"Get back to your post, Yoo." You sigh, cleaning up the mess your melting treats made with a few napkins and discarding them.
Mingyu comes back to the front where you are after noticing you were alone, "Going back?"
You groan. "Unfortunately my break is over."
He offers a small chuckle, and all you think about is how good he looks. Especially since he's donning a sleeveless red shirt, matching the parks general colors, and you can see his arms in their full glory. No wonder you'd heard girls in passing giggle about how they wanted to take a bite out of the food stand guy, you saw the appeal.
Why couldn't he be a lifeguard? Just saying, it would be nice to see him without a pesky shirt sometimes. Oh you were so embarrassing.
"Have you seen Hao? I wanted to talk to him about something?" The male inquires but you shake your head.
"He called in today," You stand. "Said he felt sick, or some other kind of lie."
"He's not sick?"
"Judging by his Instagram stories on a boat?" You quirk your head. "I'd say no."
MIngyu laughs at your humor, and you're flashing that pretty smile again, and Mingyu's feeding right into it. Are you two flirting?!
Chan hates it!
Not your smile, no he could never hate your smile. But he hates how he's never once gotten to see it aimed at him. Yet here you were, chatting it up with Mingyu? Did the nuggets he bought you last night mean nothing? He thought they were a great symbol of his undying love for you!
Vernon looks unimpressed. "Stare at him any longer and you might just burn a hole through him."
Chan narrows. "That's the plan"
Vernon's bored. "Okay, this is getting weird."
"I just don't get it, what does she even see in guys like Joshua? Or Mingyu?" Chan crosses his arms.
"Maybe because they do their job-" Vernon tries to get his station partners attention back.
But Chan's having none of it. "Yeah right, look at Mingyu! He's flirting on duty!"
"He just runs the food stand, in his defense. Half the time isn't he helping you spy on her and Minghao?"
"Well it seems like he's playing for the other team right now, standing there and talking to my girl!"
"Your girl." Vernon repeats, shaking his head in disbelief as he mocks the younger male. "You're ridiculous."
Chan stays rooted in his place. "I can't even believe-"
"Hey, Chan right?" A voice plucks him out of his plotting to kill Mingyu (Okay, maybe killing was extreme, but at the very least he was going to jump him. Eh, that might be a little too much as well, he was still technically Chan's friend. Maybe he could-)
Oh wait, someone was talking to him, and he should probably respond. "Yeah that's me."
"Oh, well I'm Karina." The girl introduces herself as Chan finally gets to take a look at her. He knew who she was, everyone did, but the two had rarely a few words to each other before now, if anything.
He adjusts his sunglasses, eyes barely moving from you and Mingyu. He had to make sure Mingyu didn't try anything. This was a matter of national security! "Nice to meet you, I guess"
"What's up Karina?" Vernon asks, trying to break up this weird tension as he saw how Chan effectively ignored you.
Karina places her hand on her hip. "I'll just be straight forward, someone told me that Chan had a little thing for me, but I know that's not the case, even though she's entirely convinced."
Chan's irritated. "What?"
"I'm not blind, Chan." Karina raises a brow. "I know you have a crush on her."
"Well yeah, could he be more obvious?" Vernon snidely remarks as Chan does his best to ignore his comment.
"So," Chan looks down, slightly dissapointed. "Did you come just to make fun of me?"
"No," She leans forward. "I've decided I'm gonna help you."
"Help?" Chan's taken back as he snaps his head up.
"Help?" Vernon parrots, though he sounds more confused.
She smiles. "Yup"
"Why?"
Karina stares at her perfectly manicured nails. "You're a decent guy. Good looking, nice enough, and I know you're trying your best."
Chan blinks, this was the complete opposite of what you had told him. Karina continues, "But mostly, it's because I can tell you really like her. And I think she deserves someone that'll treat her well for once."
"Well give it up," Chan sighs, wiping sweat from his brow. "Mingyu's about to propose to her anyways."
"Mingyu's not doing anything," Karina moves her hair. "He been standing there like a dweeb the whole time, completely oblivious to everyone around him."
"And she still likes him more than me."
Your friend glares at the male. "Well this isn't going to work if you're going to be so negative."
"Karina," He turns to her. "Honestly, what's the point? She wants nothing to do with me."
"Because she's blind, she can't see how much you like her."
"So, what should we do?" Vernon pipes in, surprisingly intently following the situation.
"We have to prove to her how much you like her!"
"And how can I do that?"
"Don't worry, I have that part covered."
...
"And then he threw up right next to the trashcan." Jeonghan — one of the new hires — finishes venting to you about one of the kids on the waterslide he was manning.
"Swear there should be some kind of law forbidding kids from eating four hotdogs and then getting on a ride that sends you spinning." You sympathize.
"Or people could just have more common sense." Jeonghan comments, before his eyes drift off somewhere else. "Is that Karina talking to Chan?"
Your eyes widen as you try to follow his line of sight. "What? Where?"
"Over there." Jeonghan points with his head, towards the bathrooms.
Sure enough, leaning on the bricks outside the bathrooms, was your friend talking to Lee Chan. Had he finally gained the courage to talk to her? And oh no, was she actually reciprocating?
"I didn't know they were friends." Jeonghan breaks the silence.
"They're not." You raise a brow. "I think he likes her."
Jeonghan looks at you like you've grown three heads. "You're joking right?"
You shrug, "Why would I be joking?"
"Everyone knows that he-" Your friend stops himself before waving you off. "Never mind, you wouldn't believe me anyways."
"Believe what?"
Jeonghan snickers. "Nothing."
You're eager to press on more about whatever he was talking about but the manager, Joshua, asks if you and Jeonghan can get showered already so you can all head out.
By the bathrooms, Chan's about to start throwing a fit. "She looked over here once!"
Karina pats his shoulder lightly. "We'll get her next time. For now, I'll just have to feed her a great narrative of you until she realizes she wants you for herself."
Chan looks down. "This is hopeless."
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"Holy shit, where is Chan?" Minghao complains, but you show no sympathy as he was seemingly having the time of his life yesterday.
You shrug, adjusting the strap of the bathing suit you had just put on. "Don't know, don't care."
Your friend tsks. "At least we get out early today."
You shake your head. "Doesn't matter, Joshua's forcing us into that work bonding thing."
MInghao groans, resting his forehead against the steel locker. "I forgot about that, what's the point again? We've had plenty of time to bond already."
"It's mandatory if we want that last paycheck." You remind him and he sighs.
He grabs a bottle from his locker and uncaps it. "Can you put sunscreen on me?"
You nod, it was a normal occurrence, and usually no one batted an eye. Even as you rubbed it into his face, too close for it to be considered just friendly, you know it's all platonic.
Chan on the other hand, isn't so sure.
Him and Karina were walking up the gravel path and the scene hits him before he walks into the area. "H-He's rubbing sunscreen on her back!"
Karina tries to calm him. "They do that for each other all the time."
"Then why does it look so romantic!"
"You're overthinking!"
"Seungkwan rubs my sunscreen in! Why don't you do it for her?!"
"I always get here late!" She defends. "Anyways, this isn't about me, we need to get in there!"
You're instantly drawn to Karina and Chan loudly entering, and it seems the two have gotten close over the past few days.
"Hey guys," Minghao greets and they offer him a hello back before opening their lockers.
"Chan," Karina speaks louder than her normal volume as to draw your attention. "Could you help me put on sunscreen? Can't reach my back today."
Chan nods, grabbing the bottle from her hands and slowly helping her rub it in. He wants to make sure you looking too, and how he's one hundred percent sure he can do it better than Minghao can.
"Uh Rina," You speak before you all head out.
"Yes?" She responds, hoping for you to say something about Chan.
"You have a couple white streaks on your back." And you grimace at Chan's poor job of doing something as simple as rubbing sunscreen in. "Do you want me to-"
"No! No," Karina laughs at her outburst. "Um, I'm sure Chan can help me fix it."
You almost flinch.
"Right, Chan?" Your friend grits her teeth so the male could take the hint.
"Oh, right!" He catches on and then vigorously continues to rub the cream into her skin. He's a little too aggressive with it.
"Ow- um, okay!" She lets out. "I think I'm good now."
You stop, "Okay..."
Chan scurries off, and he realizes he actually needs to get his own swim trunks on, and for heavens sake, where is his first aid whistle?!
You two walk away, you picking at your nails as you dread the day ahead. Your friend needs to break the silence. "So, you're staying today?"
"I wish I had a choice." You grovel.
"I feel you."
You catch the time on one of the parks various clocks. "We open in five."
Your partner nods at the reminder, continuing to with you just out of the sight of the boys and any other listeners. "So, what do you think of Chan? Isn't he sweet?"
You're taken aback. "Is this you trying to get my approval?"
"No.."
"Because you could do way better."
She almost stops in her tracks. "What?! But Chan has lots of redeeming qualities."
You feel like this is a prank. "Like?"
"Well he's nice, a good listener, and-"
"Oh, you got it bad." You interrupt.
She's about to start swinging. "No, you know he's not my type."
You frown. "So you're leading him on?"
Karina deadpans. "We're just friends, but all I'm saying is, uh, he's not a bad guy!"
You almost stop walking. "Right..."
She speaks again, trying her best not to seem pushy. "You know, I think the two of you have a lot in common, you could be good friends."
Before you can even respond, someone is yelling your name across the park, and its too early in the morning for that.
Though your face softens when you realize its Mingyu beckoning you over. You tell Karina you'll meet her at your station and separate. She was acting kind of odd anyhow.
"Mingyu," You approach him, the shade now concealing your face as you take a seat on one of the chairs. You try to keep your eyes from wandering, mainly to his exposed arms. "What's up?"
He smiles' bashfully, leaning on the counter. "Well, I've been wanting to ask you this for some time,"
You can sense he's a little nervous, so you nod your head. "What is it?"
"Could I maybe..." He trails again, before closing his eyes in mental preparation. "Have Karina's number?"
You gape like a fish out of water, doing your best to conceal your light disappointment. "K-Karinas number?"
"Well yeah, I'm interested in her. Unless she's seeing someone." He stumbles on his words.
You tilt your head. "Not sure, maybe you should ask Chan."
"Chan?" Mingyu almost laughs. "He doesn't like her like that."
You grimace at that. Had Chan been telling everyone that he didn't like Karina, when clearly he had been acting the opposite? Sure, she didn't like him back but, for him to be saying things like that was a low blow. "Did he tell you that?"
"Huh, what?" Mingyu looks confused. "Well, not directly. Though, It wouldn't make sense because he already likes someone."
You wave him off. "Doesn't matter, either way, you should ask her yourself. I really can't give you her number on my behalf." You explain, feeling kind of bad, but keeping a peppy voice.
"You think she'd give it to me?"
You smile. "You'll never know if you don't try."
Watching, once again, a few feet await is Lee Chan. He's using all his self control not to rip the foam tube in his hands apart, but Vernon brings him back to earth, or more like back to helping him tie up the obstacle course in one of the pools.
Even as he's experiencing red-hot jealously from watching you interact with his friend, he can't help but admire how pretty you were. You somehow managed to make that stupid visor look cute. And trust me, Chan thought no one could make that hat look cute.
If Chan was anyone else, he probably would've given up on his painful crush by now, but Chan wasn't anyone. He's not sure where his liking for you started, maybe it was that first day you joined. Looking all pretty as you stood next to Minghao and introduced yourself. Chan had overheard from Joshua that you had impressive swim skills, and you had a crazy dedication for your job.
It was a few weeks before he even got to interact with you. You were pretty much attached at your friends hip, taking a minute to warm up to the others. You had gotten partnered with Karina for a ride once and she helped you get along with the rest of the staff pretty well.
That's not how you first knew of Chan though.
No, that was a while later. One hot day a few years ago, when Chan was still scrawny and more awkward with girls. He had finally had a chance to grab a slushie, opting for the purple mystery flavor that rested in the machines. (Chan thinks it was a result of a machine that hadn't been cleaned, so it really just tasted like a mixture of all the flavors.) Anyways, he happened to be in a hurry due to him chatting with Mingyu for well over his break.
Which meant he booked it to the other side of the park.
Which consequentially meant that he wasn't watching where he was going. This meant that his slushie met an unfortunate end on your lifeguard bathing suit. And all over the floor.
Now, you were testing patience at the time. This was a new job, plus it was an accident, you could forgive the guy. You also didn't mind that he was pretty cute.
That was until he ran.
Look, in Chan's defense, you made him so nervous. You were so much prettier up close! He stood there frozen for a few minutes, stuttering and thinking of ways to apologize. So he did the only viable thing to do, he ran to the bathrooms to fetch napkins!
Only, he didn't say a word so you thought he literally just ran off to avoid conflict - which wasn't even happening in the first place!
After that, you dubbed Lee Chan someone to avoid. He obviously left you in a mean spirited haste, a deep purple stain blotched all on the front of your uniform. You figured he had a good laugh about it too!
Chan regrets it everyday, why didn't he just act like a normal human?! Why did he have to make things harder for himself?!
By the time Chan had returned, you were long gone. You had ran to the bathroom on the verge of tears, basically abandoning your post and leaving Minghao to run after you.
So if anyone asked, you'd say that your distaste for Lee Chan was completely valid.
...
"Great work today team." Joshua addresses you all, clapping his hands together before placing them on his hips. "I'm really proud of you all today."
"Which is why you should let us go home." Jeonghan pipes up from behind you in the cluster of a group, smiling hopefully.
Joshua laughs sarcastically. "But then you'd miss all the fun!"
The smile dies on Jeonghans face as Joshua starts recanting the same little group seminar tips he gave last year. And the year before that.
Then he waves a hand out. "I've noticed that there's been some tension on the team lately, so we're going to heal that with some bonding time!"
Karina stiffens beside you, leaning in to whisper. "I'm already bored."
You giggle a bit as Joshua starts pairing up teams for an obstacle course through the park. Normally, you wouldn't care, that was until Joshua cited a twenty five dollar Starbucks gift card awarded to the winner. Oh, he had your attention now.
"Karina, I know you don't talk to Jeonghan a lot so you're with him!" Joshua says esthetically, while you sigh at losing two possible partners. Well, there was still Hao.
"Minghao and Vernon."
Well there goes that.
You finally are graced with the call of your name but are immediately shot back down to earth when the accompanying name leaves your managers lips. "..And Chan."
You immediately step up in protest. "Are we allowed to switch partners?"
Chan frowns but regains a bit of hope as Joshua shakes his head. "Nope, sorry but I have to be firm with this. In fact, you two are the tension I was referring to earlier."
"Are you kidding?"
Joshua narrows his eyes, gripping his clipboard. "Do I look like I'm kidding?"
"Joshua, with all due respect, there is no tension! It's just Chan being an idiot!" You complain, widening your eyes.
Ouch, Chan thinks. That went straight to his ego.
Though your boss stands his ground. "I would just like you two to work together for once."
You scoff, muttering a string of curses under your breath which Joshua pretends not to hear, Chan does as well. For the sake of his pride.
Your manager finishes reading the names off of the paper and announces the commencement of the challenge, which you could be less than excited about.
"For this activity, one of you is going to be blindfolded. This will help strengthen the trust you two have in each other."
Trust? You and Chan just looked at each other after you were handed the blindfold. You didn't even know what the objective of the game was yet.
"Part of this activity is deciding who will be blindfolded amongst yourselves." Joshua continues, rubbing salt into the wound.
"Well-" You begin, about to start arguing when Chan holds his hand out. He can see that you're definitely uncomfortable with the idea.
"I'll be blindfolded." He states.
"What?" He wasn't even going to fight you on it? "Really?"
He shrugs, trying to will his face from not turning red. "I trust you."
You blankly stare for a minute, trying to read a hint of humor or anything of that sort in his eyes. But you come up empty, his expression dead serious. You just handed him the blindfold, leaving him to fend for himself as he tied it around his eyes.
What did he mean he trusted you?
Karina finishes tying Jeonghan's when she turns back to your boss. "Now what?"
"You're going to lead them through the water course," Joshua smiles, although it seems a bit mischievous. He had to be getting a kick out of this. "The ones that come out first, and the most dry, win."
You gape, you were supposed to lead this grown ass man through the water course and not let him fall in?
"Lead your partner to the starting position, and then we'll begin."
You do a steady job at pushing at Chan's back to the finish line. You're less than enthusiastic about it though.
You line up among the others, knowing you'll probably come out of this ordeal soaking wet, and that's less than desirable.
The course is simple, lined up floating fuzzy blocks paced in a pathway like structure. Then you have to follow up a little climb of inflatable stairs. Then back down to the finish line. Easy enough right?
Chan's shaking right now, he's not looking forward to falling in and possibly being left to drown — as if he's not in the prescence of a group of lifeguards right now — as if he's not one himself.
He's still scared though, give him a break, he can't see!
He hears the sound of a whistle and you begin pushing at his back, leading him onto the first block. The weight of you two displaces the block, and you can feel the other block getting further.
"Okay, move about two inches onto the next block, don't fall." You instruct him and he follows, waving his foot around until he feels the safety of the makeshift ground.
You jump onto it after him, "The next one is directly in front."
And you're pleased as he lands right on it. The two of you are ahead of some of the others as well, Seungkwan already having fallen into the water, and Vernon still on the first block as Minghao tries to encourage him to move already!
"The next one is far, so I'm going to go ahead of you. I'll grab your hand after and pull you, alright?" You explain and Chan nods.
You do as you said and then hold your hand out, grabbing his palm and pulling him so the blocks float closer together. He carefully makes the step and you cheer a little in your head.
You only had one more block, then the stairs, and you were home free. You could practically taste your drink now.
Well, maybe if Chan hadn't almost fell over.
You grab both of his arms in an attempt to stop him, and you catch him just in time. He winces at the prospect of falling, and you squeeze him. "I'm not going to let you fall, okay? I've got you."
Chan's glad he can't see you, because then he'd bear witness to you noticing the growing redness of his face. And if he had to acknowledge it, then he'd jump into the water himself.
You two successful make it to the last block and you cheer, the others having more trouble with their team work behind you. The others seem to be having a hard time due to lack of trust in their guiders.
You notice that Chan had trusted completely in everything you had said, even though you knew he didn't want to splash in the pool.
You stare at him for a minute, and he starts talking. "Uhh, aren't we supposed to keep moving"
You shake your thoughts from your head. "Up the stairs now, I'll lead you, just hold my hand."
Before you know it, the two of you had made it to the end. You take off Chan's blindfold as you announce your victory. Throwing your arms around Chan as you celebrate. "We won! We beat those suckers."
"Those suckers are right here!" Karina says, panting as she comes down the stairs. She's wet, pulling a much dryer Jeonghan behind her.
You keep your hands around Chan as Karina explains. "He stepped back on the block and basically pushed me off on accident."
You giggle at that, face on a few inches from Chan as he tries not to combust. Lord, he was so in love with you. Your pretty eyes as they crinkled while you let out the prettiest laugh.
Karina notices and she lets out a smile. He really did like you, anyone could see it in his eyes.
You don't notice though, sliding your hands off of Chan as you jokingly tease Karina. "I won the card! I won the card."
Jeonghan pulls off his blindfold just in time for you to see him roll his eyes. "Yeah, yeah."
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Chan insisted you made a night of spending the card together. You didn't mind, telling him you'd meet him there after your much needed shower.
So here you sat in the Starbucks lobby, awaiting Chan as you had the card and he had already passed you his order. You tapped away on your phone as you hear the chime of the door and you hear someone sitting across from you.
You don't mind his presence, weirdly, you felt he was really vulnerable with you today. While it likely didn't mean much to him, it had you overthinking everything.
"Here's your drink, it just came out." You speak first, pushing the cup towards him.
Chan thanks you and drums his fingers on the side of the cup. "You know, I think this is the longest we've been together without you saying you hate me or something."
You shrug. "It's hard to be mad in a Starbucks. Place smells like heaven, plus you showed out in the game today."
He waves you off. "It's easy to trust you, we've known each other for long."
You snort. "More like you've bothered me for so long."
"Oh, admit it. I make your job more interesting. If it wasn't for me constantly causing a scene then you'd be bored out of your mind."
"I guess you have a point." You reluctantly agree as you sip your drink.
He smirks. "I know."
You purse your lips. "So, any updates with Karina? I know you two have been spending time together lately. Seems I was wrong."
Chan sighs. "No, I'm not into her in that way."
Brows raised, you chuckle, asking a question you already knew the answer to. "She's not interested or?"
"No, and neither was I." He states, eyes meeting yours. "She was never the one I liked."
You don't know why but you stutter a bit. "S-She wasn't?"
Chan looks away. "If it had been her and I out there today, I would've fell into the water."
"What do you mean by that, Chan?"
"You know what I mean by that."
...
You'd been avoiding Chan for the past two days, even constantly buttering up Joshua so you could be on the opposite side of wherever Chan was. It was wrong, you know, but you couldn't help it.
You were a coward, you couldn't even think about acknowledging any feelings Chan had for you. You only had a week left until the end of Summer anyways. Maybe if you ignored it you could move on.
You couldn't like Chan, not after the years you spent disliking him. Sure, had he done anything else to make you increasingly upset? Well, no. And he did usually brighten up slow days with his presence. And he did leave random water bottles by your chair when he knew you were too busy to go get one yourself. (He didn't know you knew, you figured this was his way of trying to get on your good side after the ordeal, but you never forgave him)
That was another thing too, how could he say he liked you after purposefully trying to embarrass you? Sure, it was a while ago, but you never forgot.
You're brought back from your thoughts when Jeonghan speaks, "I'm sorry, your child is not tall enough to ride this ride. It's regulation."
In front of you was an increasingly stubborn woman and what seemed to be her child as she whined about rules you had nothing to do with. "This is ridiculous!"
"It's regulated by the city, ma'am." Jeonghan shrugs. "You can leave a comment card up front if you have a complaint."
She just scoffs and storms off, stomping loudly down the stairs with her child in tow. You'd never understand some people.
Jeonghan turns to you. "Been here the whole summer and I'm still not used to it."
"You never get used to it, trust me."
He laughs in response, before changing the subject. "It's quiet up here, usually Chan's in the general vicinity by now."
You stiffen at the name. "He must be busy."
"He's never too busy for you." Jeonghan crosses his arms.
You bite the inside of your cheek. "Too busy to bother me?"
He suddenly turns serious. "I don't understand, Chan is nothing but nice to you and yet you're always ratting on him like he's a pest."
"You don't get it." You say, hoping he'll drop it.
He doesn't though. "Sure, he's a little overbearing at times but it's only because he really likes you."
"Don't say that."
"Say what?"
"Say that he likes me."
"Are you stupid?" Jeonghan spouts, and you're shocked at his tone. "The poor guy looks at you like you hung the stars yourself and you always just brush him off like he's a nuisance! But you know what? Even after all the mean things you do, he does nothing but talk greatly about you. About how you're the kindest soul, about how your smile lights up his day. How you're the prettiest girl he's ever laid eyes on."
You stay quiet, holding back tears.
"He thinks you're the greatest girl in the world, you've just never given him a chance to tell you." He finishes, leaning against the railing.
"I don't believe you."
Jeonghan turns away. "Then you'll have to ask him yourself."
You open your mouth to speak, but it's as if your friend reads your mind. "I-"
"Go," He interrupts, jutting his chin in that direction. "Before it's too late. He's with Vernon at the flow rider."
You nod and take off down the stairs, mindful of the puddles of water on the floor, but your urgency remains the same. You had to know, you had to hear it from him. You need to know why.
It's not too far in the afternoon that there's a huge line, only a couple people standing around but Vernon's helping them. Chan stands to the side looking unoccupied, now was your chance.
Wading through the people, your heart beating against your chest, you find yourself standing in front of Chan.
He averts his eyes, unsure of how to start the conversation. He had gotten the message from your avoidance, you had made your point. "You want to, um, ride the flow rider or..?"
You clear your throat. "Do you like me?"
He leans back at the question. "I thought it was obvious."
"And this isn't a prank?"
He wipes his palms on his pants. "W-Why would it be a prank?"
"I don't know! How am I supposed to believe you after that slushie?" You say, genuinely distraught.
"What slushie?"
"The one you spilled on when I first got hired here! What kind of joke was that?" You ask, finally glad to let it out into the air after holding it in for so long.
"What do you mean? I ran off to get napkins and when I came back you were gone!" Chan answered, confused on why you even remembered that.
"You could've told me! I thought you had ran off to laugh at me!" You argued.
He stands, ignoring the attention you two had drawn from others. "I would've said something but I clammed up and didn't know what to say, you were just so pretty-"
You straighten up. "Chan, you're a moron."
He stills. "I know."
"I thought you were cute before then too. But I felt so embarrassed after that, I even had to pay for a new one because Joshua said someone took the spare."
Chans eyes soften. "I grabbed it for you, but as we know, I never got to give it to you."
You look down at the new information. "Oh."
"I like you, I really do." He begins. "I like a lot of things about you. Like your perseverance, your passion for this job, your love for your friends. Just one of these days I wished you would've talked to me long enough without ripping me apart."
"I'm a bit harsh, aren't I?"
"It's one of the things I like about you, you're not scared to put anyone in their place." He admits, and it was true. Chan liked all of you, not just your better qualities.
"This whole time I thought you were the jerk when really it was me." You remark, eyes on your shoes and the floor beneath you.
"I don't blame you, I'd hate me too." Chan chuckles.
You shake your head. "I don't hate you. In fact, these past few days have been so draining. As much as I complained, you gave me something to look forward too. Knowing I'd see you do something to get my attention, just didn't know why you wanted it so bad."
"Now you know." He steps forward. "And between you and I, I've done a lot of embarrassing things to get you to look my way."
"Oh, you did them on purpose?" You tease.
He playfully rolls his eyes. "Obviously."
You assured him that you believed him as you smiled. He grabs your hand in his, the two of you standing in the sweltering heat of the park. He rubs his thumb over your palm. "So what now?"
"Take me on a date."
"You want to?"
"I wouldn't say it if I didn't." You respond. "I want to give us a chance."
"You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that."
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BONUS:
"That bastard really did it." Seungkwan remarks, eyes bulging out of their sockets as he watches you and Chan flirt by the lockers before closing.
Karina stares on as well. "They're so cute that I want to throw up."
"Give them a break." Minghao butts in. "Today is the last day."
"Thank the Lord." Vernon approaches the others. "As if he couldn't get more annoying about her, I've had to hear him recount every date they've had so far."
Minghao cringes. "She's the same way."
Karina agrees. "I'm not even that bad."
Seungkwan looks over at her. "So how are thing with Mingyu anyways?"
Karina put her hands up. "Oblivious as always."
Shrugging, Minghao leans on the wall. "Should we just ditch them here and go?"
"But we haven't finished cleaning-" Jeonghan, who appeared out of nowhere starts before his voice dies down. "Yeah, lets go."
"They'll definitely be too in love to notice us leaving."
"For sure."
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compact-turtle · 6 months
Note
How would all three yans react to having children? Good or bad?
This is actually such a fun prompt and ask! Thank you for sending it in. I'd actually love to write a full post sometime instead of a small little drabble about this! It'd be so much fun imaging one of their daily routines and lives with a family.
Atticus:
-Isn't really that interested in kids unless his darling wants them. At first, he'll try to talk his darling out of it. Gives lists of reasons on why he can't be a dad. Eventually, comes around to it if his darling really wants them.
-He's a strict and stoic father. Makes sure the kids go to bed at a certain time, finish their chores and do their homework. The kids have to be punctual.
-Not a fan of extreme harsh punishments at all. No taking away meals, locking in closets or any of the sorts. Especially, hitting if they don't listen. (His parents used to do it to him which has resulted in a traumatized farmer)
-More type of look at the consequences of your actions. You don't do your homework, then you fail your class. You don't collect eggs from the chicken coop, no eggs for breakfast. You don't feed the dogs, look at them go hungry. (The doggies don't actually go hungry since Atticus secretly feeds them, they're just always begging for food)
-Shows he loves them through his actions instead of words. He'll take them special getaway trips, go bird watching, catch bugs, make presents, etc. He wants his kids to know that he loves them despite his strict behavior. He's trying to break the cycle of generational abuse that came from his parents. It's hard ngl but he makes an effort every day to overcome it.
For readers who imagine pregnancy:
-kisses your belly when you're asleep. Reassures the baby that he'll always take care of them. He would never do it when you're awake since he's nervous you'll deem him as less than manly or "strong".
-Does not let you work on the farm at all!! He hires extra farmhands to replace your usual help. Lectures and scolds you when you try to do anything. Don't you know that an accident could happen any time especially somewhere dangerous like this farm??
-Your safety and the baby's safety are top priority at all times.
-Watches films and tv shows about pregnancy and families. He makes sure to remember all the details so he can be the best father just like on the tv!
-No sexy time at all when pregnant! He's afraid it'll injure the baby. Only complies when his darling coaxes him into it but even then, it took a while.
Orion:
-Hella yea. The only one who's willing to jump on board and be excited for them. Takes the kids out on daily foraging and exploration nearby the home. Teaches them how to jot down information.
-Shows them his notes on all different types of plants, creatures and landscapes. Tells them which things to avoid and how to survive if in contact with dangerous creatures.
-Kids grow an immunity to his terrible cooking. Actually, enjoy it and treat is as an odd delicacy to be savored.
-The children are taught both languages. Darling's for communicating with other members of the species but his in case they need to talk, and others are listening in.
-Reminds the kids how much he adores them and their mother every day. Tells them tales about his home world and adventures with their mother.
-However, his favorite story to tell is about how their mother heroically saved him from death and starvation. Sometimes he embellishes details like
"Oh, your mother also fell in love at first sight with me. They were just too shy to admit it, but I could tell."
-The real question though, are human species able to get darling's species pregnant???
For readers who imagine pregnancy:
-Does darling get pregnant like a human? Orion will have to find out. However, I imagine the way of getting pregnant to be similar, but they don't give birth. Instead, an egg like thing forms within their reproductive system and they push out something similar to an egg.
-The egg would hatch within two months after growing to full term.
-Orion has built a nest for the egg and watches it every night. Proudly tells the egg about all the adventures they'll go on as family.
-Darling insists that Orion doesn't need to baby the egg since the shell is quite strong. Still, he doesn't listen and frets over any small movement from it. Makes little hats and scarves and dresses the egg in it.
-Orion makes sure to take so many notes during this period. What color is the egg? How long before it hatches? How many times does it move in an hour?
-He takes notes in case darling and him decide to have another egg baby. He'll be more prepared second round.
-Enjoys setting the mood up for some sexy time. He feeds you the right food, sets up the small hut just right and everything. Ofc he'll makes sure to cover the baby egg with a blanket. He doesn't want your baby egg to see anything inapposite after all.
Ivar:
-He'd want to wait a few years into marriage. The idea of kids is daunting. He's seen the worse of man and how destructive the world can be. Really nervous about letting kids out into that type of environment. Still, he does desire a family that you'll raise together.
-He's a fun goofy dad. Takes all the stress of the kids when he arrives home. Plays with them, teases them and drains all their energy so you can relax. I'd imagine that Ivar insists that you be a stay-at-home mom while he goes to work.
-Listens to his kid's problems from boyfriend issues to " I can't believe they cancelled my show". Actively enjoys listening to his kids talk about anything and everything.
-Signs his kids up for self-defense classes. He's aware that there's so many dangers in the world and he can't always be there to help. They've got to be prepared for anything that could happen.
-Supports his kids in all their activities. Shows up to every single game, recital, spelling bee, etc. Whatever it maybe, he'll be there. Wants them to know he cares about them and their interests.
-Doesn't really enjoy mentioning stories from his time at war to them. He's afraid it'll corrupt their world view and he want them to live a peaceful life :(
For readers who imagine pregancy:
-Ivar reads up on all those mom-blogs and pregnancy books. Puts headphones on your belly so your baby can listen to Mozart. Does it actually do anything? Idk the mom blog says it stimulates baby growth or something like that.
-You have a strong craving at 1 in the morning? He's on the case to get it for you. If he can't find it any stores, then he'll drive over to the next few towns to get it. He's so determined to find it.
-loves decorating the baby's nursery. He'll put up decorations and different decals for the baby. Also enjoys building things for it such as dresser and the crib.
-Also doesn't let you by yourself. You want to talk a walk around the neighborhood by yourself? Nope. He's right there holding your hand or pushing you in a wheelchair.
-loves to initiate sexy time with you. During his mom blog reading, he read that it was a great past time while pregnant. Plus, he loves you no matter what you look like even if you're insecure about your changing body.
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kingkatsuki · 1 year
Text
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— when you stand up for him
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Masterlist.
Warnings: 18+, v v suggestive, Bakugou’s always having nasty thoughts about you, not proofread.
Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki x f!reader.
Word Count: 1.9k.
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Since you’d started working at Dynamight’s agency you’d found out firsthand how defamatory the media could be. There was often a mixture of positive and negative headlines for all the Pro-Heroes in the top fifty, some more negative than others. Cellophane had been stuck in a messy situation just last week when a saucy text chain had been leaked to the press, the lewd messages accompanied by a rather salacious picture of him in a state of undress. Obviously an attempt by the media to paint him in a bad light, but it actually ended up thrusting him into the top ten.
“He woulda sent that fuckin’ dick pic to anyone that asked.” Bakugou scoffed when you’d told him, grinning at the cheesy headline “Cellophane stuck in a sticky situation.”
But in particular, the media seemed hellbent on making a villain out of Dynamight. A well-known fact that they knew sold papers. His brash personality and fiery quirk made him an easy target for those sleazy tabloids to ridicule. Painting the perfect picture of Number One Pro-Hero Deku, and demonising the Number Two who was always hiding in his shadow.
Of course, the media scrutiny didn’t bother Bakugou much, far used to these words for them to have any real bite. The judgement seemed to have followed him since he was a teenager, and he’d spent the better part of his adult years trying to prove himself through his actions. And although you didn’t know it, your opinion meant far more to Bakugou than a handful of gossip magazines.
It wasn’t unusual for these reporters to call through to the Dynamight agency, especially after a successful mission. Each outlet wanting to be the first to get the scoop hot off the press from the main man himself, but fortunately for Bakugou you were the final roadblock between them and the Pro-Hero.
Most of the time you could weed through the good calls and the bad, finding the best opportunities for Dynamight to showcase himself to the world and add those precious boosts to his hero ranking. Knowing firsthand how much Bakugou hated any kind of interview environment, preferring to showcase himself through his hard work, you were careful with the engagements that you picked. The few he did were always enough to keep him sitting comfortable in second place.
You groaned when you realised who you’d ended up with on the phone, the lead journalist for The Heroic Choice, a controversial tabloid that had just published a rather scathing article about Pro-Hero Welder. And you were certain judging by the “direct” quotes that most had been stretched out of context to fit their narrative.
“Thanks for taking our call,” The voice spoke on the other end of the line, not that you’d had much choice, “Dynamight hasn’t responded to any of our emails, so I thought it best to try and reach you directly.”
“Yes, well Dynamight’s a very busy hero.” You spoke through gritted teeth.
“Oh, we’ve heard. We had a very concerned reader call in earlier to tell us that Dynamight almost killed someone again—” You were already seething at the accusation when the reporter continued, “How many totalled buildings is it this year? The budget must be at breaking point by now, or is it less a budget and more hush money for the victims? Almost as bad as a villain, wouldn’t you agree?”
You weren’t sure what came over you in that moment. Some would probably argue that it was the amount of love that you had built inside you for Bakugou Katsuki that made you want to protect and defend him with your life, or it could’ve just been the fact that being his secretary meant you got to see a side of him that no one else was lucky enough to see. The Hero that dedicated so many hours of his life to protecting the city and its residents, putting his own life at risk to ensure that people made it home safely to their loved ones. The countless amount of times you’d visited him in hospital or done a rather bootleg patch up of his injuries in his office after hours. The scars that now littered his body each held their own story of a time where Dynamight put others before himself, and you weren’t about to let some gossipy B-rate magazine besmirch him. Especially to try and call him, the man that would give his life for others, a villain.
So you did what Bakugou probably would’ve done, you exploded.
You weren’t even sure where it came from, certain in the months that you’d been working for Dynamight you’d never once let your temper get the best of you, even with particularly troublesome callers. His personality must have been rubbing off on you, as you continued to argue back and forth with the man on the phone, your voice increasing in power the more he argued back.
The noise roused Bakugou from his mission report, crimson eyes looking up from his laptop as he tried to make out the shouting on the other side of his office wall. Pushing his desk chair back as he dropped his glasses on top of his laptop he made his way towards the hallway, thinking that another person was harassing you for some kind of Dynamight endorsement deal again. Tugging open the door Bakugou prepared himself to tell whoever it was to leave and stop pissing off his secretary but he was shocked to see you shouting on the phone.
“Dynamight is the greatest Hero of our generation and we’re lucky to have someone like him protecting our streets. There’s no telling what could happen if we didn’t have him. Did you know violent crime is down twelve percent since he entered the top ten? And that’s not including the crime syndicates he’s managed to infiltrate in the last three months—”
Bakugou had to stop in the doorframe at the sound of you listing off facts about him so effortlessly. Mouth agape like a fish out of water as he began to wonder who you were on the phone to, and how they had managed to rile you up to this extent.
You hadn’t even noticed him standing there as you continued to berate the caller, asking them whether they had looked up any crime statistics or whether they were just interested in a sleazy headline.
Bakugou didn’t know what to say, standing outside his office as he stared at you between furrowed brows. After hearing shouting outside, he hadn’t expected it to be coming from you, and he definitely hadn’t expected it to be because you were defending him to the media.
It had Bakugou’s chest swelling with pride as he continued to hear you list of reasons why Dynamight would never do an interview with The Heroic Choice, not that he needed you to tell them that. He could’ve easily given them his own list of reasons, the main one being their scathing reviews of anyone other than Pro-Hero Deku. His throat felt dry as he watched your eyes darken as you continued to argue with them on the phone, nostrils flared as he tried to fight the blood rushing directly between his thighs.
God, you were so fuckin’ perfect.
He’d never had anyone defend him to such a level, and it made it even more special that it happened to be you doing it— the woman he was so madly in love with. Even the shy, wide-eyed look you gave him when you noticed him watching you made his heart flutter as you exchanged the last few words with the tabloid over the phone.
You’d been so heated you hadn’t even noticed Bakugou shamelessly ogling you while you were on the telephone, although you were certain he’d heard you. Your voice at least a few octaves louder than necessary, but you couldn’t help it. The realisation you had an audience now dawning on you as you gave your boss a sheepish smile.
“I’m so sorry about that, sir.” You practically gushed as soon as you slammed the phone down, which immediately began ringing again, “It just makes me so mad, they talk like they know you but they really don’t know you at all—”
“Next time, get me.” He rasped, mainly because you didn’t deserve dealing with assholes like that on the phone, but also because Bakugou wasn’t sure if he’d be able to survive you taking another call like that without blowing his load in public. The thought of having to spend the rest of the day in damp boxers had him squirming as he turned around.
“Yes, sir. I know I should’ve, but he made me so angry. I’m sorry.” No matter how many times he told you not to call him sir, you would do it anyway and it did nothing to quell the ache in his pelvis.
“Take five.” Bakugou grumbled.
“Thank you si— Bakugou.” You stopped yourself with a smile as you stood up from the desk hesitantly.
Bakugou practically waddled back into his office, trying to conceal the tent between his thighs from your praise. The overprotective words had his cock throbbing as he tried to calm his racing heart, and it didn’t help you’d said his name. Slamming his office door a little harder than intended as he pressed his back to the hardwood. Eyes screwed shut as Bakugou made a feeble attempt at steadying his breathing, before glaring down at the obvious bulge. Silently willing it to disappear as he prayed you hadn’t seen it.
But Bakugou had left so abruptly with barely a word that you began to worry that you’d done the wrong thing, remembering Creati’s words one evening when she had been visiting the agency. “All press can be good press if you orchestrate it correctly.” Maybe Bakugou really was mad at you for losing your temper on the phone to one of Musutafu’s biggest tabloids, you’d definitely guaranteed another negative Dynamight article about him. Your eyes glancing over to the shut door to his office as you gnawed your glossed lip between your teeth, pondering whether you should knock on the door to apologise. The phone began to ring again as you were making that decision, opting to pick it up and hopefully do some kind of damage control for his important public image. Hoping that the PR team wouldn’t find out just how hostile you’d been on the phone to a company representative. You had no idea that on the other side of the door, your boss was losing his cool because of you, but not for the reason you thought.
About a week later The Heroic Choice ended up posting their scathing article about Dynamight anyway, although it did little to smear his hero rating. Instead the article seemed to focus on his fiery little secretary who was seemingly even more tenacious than his newly appointed sidekicks.
“Dynamight’s secretary even more explosive than him? More on page six.” It was accompanied by a picture of you that Bakugou was certain they’d managed to take from one of your social media profiles.
You’d been so embarrassed when Bakugou had shown you the magazine with a smirk, highlighting his favourite parts of the article which happened to be the direct quotes of you defending his tenacity and altruism.
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What you didn’t know was Bakugou had cut out this article and pinned it to the fridge inside his apartment, grinning at it whenever he passed. The picture they’d picked of you was real fucking pretty after all— it wasn’t his fault that it brought back the memories of you defending him every time he looked at it, his cock standing to attention when he remembered how irate you’d looked that day. Somehow it made you even prettier… But of course, he’d never tell you that.
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lecsainz · 1 year
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Bathroom Incident
pairings: pierre gasly x sister!reader / daniel ricciardo x gasly!reader / max verstappen x gasly!reader / charles leclerc x gasly!reader / yuki tsunoda x gasly!reader / lando norris x gasly!reader
warnings: Y/N getting stuck in the bathroom, pierre being a heroic brother, the 2022 grid, a somewhat chaotic and funny visit.
authors note: I LOVE writing in this style!
word count: 746
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It was a big day for Pierre Gasly and his sister Y/N, as they were both heading to the quali day at the Alpha Tauri team's garage. Y/N was a big fan of her brother's racing career and often accompanied him to various races around the world. She was excited to see him in action and cheer him on from the sidelines.
As they arrived at the garage, Y/N decided to use the bathroom before the qualifying session started. However, as she entered the bathroom, the door got stuck and she couldn't get out. She tried pushing and pulling the door, but it wouldn't budge.
Panic set in as Y/N realized she was trapped in the bathroom. She started banging on the door and shouting for help, hoping someone would hear her. The noise caught the attention of some of the drivers, including Max Verstappen and Daniel Ricciardo, who were passing by.
"What's going on in there?" Max asked, peering through the door.
"I'm stuck! The door won't open!" Y/N yelled, her voice echoing off the walls.
Daniel joined Max in trying to pry the door open, but their efforts were in vain. Meanwhile, Y/N's screams grew louder and more frantic.
As the commotion continued, other team members started gathering around the bathroom, trying to figure out what was going on. Some of them couldn't resist laughing at the chaotic scene.
Pierre, who was getting ready for the quali, heard the commotion and rushed to the bathroom. He recognized his sister's voice and knew he had to help her.
"Pierre! Get me out of here!" Y/N cried out.
Pierre tried pushing the door open, but it was no use. He knew he had to take matters into his own hands.
"Stand back, everyone!" Pierre yelled, before charging towards the door and kicking it open with a mighty blow.
The door flew open, and Y/N stumbled out, relieved to be free at last. She threw her arms around Pierre and hugged him tightly, grateful for his heroic rescue.
The incident became the talk of the team, with many of the members teasing Y/N about her misadventure. But despite the embarrassment, Y/N couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of it all.
"Next time, I'm sticking with you, Pierre," she joked. "At least I know you'll never leave me stranded in a bathroom! Now, let's go kick some racing butt!"
Pierre chuckled at Y/N's comment, happy to see her in good spirits again. He knew that his sister was a big support for him during races, and her positive energy always gave him an extra boost.
"Alright, let's do this!" Pierre replied, slapping Y/N on the back as they made their way to the pit. He was feeling confident about his chances in the qualifying race, and he was eager to show off his skills on the track.
After the qualifying session, Pierre Gasly made his way over to the group of journalists gathered in the paddock. As he approached, several of them turned to him with eager expressions, hoping to get a quote or two for their articles.
"Hey guys, how's it going?" Pierre greeted them, a friendly smile on his face. 
One journalist quickly jumped in with a question. "So Pierre, we heard about your sister getting stuck in the bathroom earlier. What happened?"
Pierre Gasly couldn't help but chuckle. "Well, it definitely wasn't the highlight of our day," he said with a grin. "Y/N always manages to find herself in the most hilarious situations. But in all seriousness, I'm just glad she's okay." Pierre couldn't help but laugh.
Y/N was walking through the paddock with some of her close friends who were also formula 1 drivers. 
"Hey Y/N, heard you got stuck in the bathroom earlier," Charles teased, grinning mischievously.
Y/N rolled her eyes, but couldn't help but smile at the memory. "Yeah, thanks to that faulty door."
“Did you find the secret pit stop in there?" Yuki joked, earning a chuckle from the others.
Y/N rolled her eyes but couldn't help but laugh. "Very funny, Yuki. You should try being stuck in a tiny bathroom for 30 minutes and see how you like it!" she retorted playfully.
Lando joined in, poking fun at Y/N. "I can't believe you got yourself trapped in there. What were you doing, practicing your escape artist routine?"
Y/N laughed, knowing that she had become the butt of their jokes. "Hey, at least I know how to make an entrance!"
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sugar-grigri · 8 months
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Crazy theory, but since I don't really read them, I don't know if it's ever been mentioned before.
I've already talked about this urge to discover the demon of death. So much so that fans see them in every new character introduced.
We know that Pochita punctuates both the birth and death of demons with his chainsaws.
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I've always been surprised by the way Pochita calmly took hold of Makima, allowing Denji to knowingly save her by recommending that he give her love
Just as I'm surprised by Fami's interest in separating Chainsaw Man just as Yoru is stubbornly intent on revenge
How can these three horsemen of the apocalypse have so much interest and connection with a single demon?
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We already know that Fujimoto has opted for the metaphorical, choosing the instrument designed for childbirth: the chainsaw, as the keystone of his story.
Chainsaw Man is intrinsically linked to birth and death
Denji's rebirth alone is linked to death having been cut up as well as Pochita?
Demons are born out of fear of one thing, so I know it might be strange that Pochita, representing chainsaws, represents death and isn't the chainsaw demon.
But two things: firstly, the impostor is actually the real chainsaw demon.
Fujimoto likes to undo our first impressions, so I find it absolutely INCREDIBLE that Denji should be the impostor from the start, the false Chainsaw Man in a part 2 that focuses on identity.
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Secondly, how can simple chainsaws have so much power? I mean, sure, they're scary, but how can they have so much power as to be able to wipe out demons? Why should it be the chainsaw demon who's capable of this, and death remains crouched in the shadows?
This would also explain his promiscuity with the other Knights of the Apocalypse.
The demon of control wanted to play with Pochita - death was the only thing she couldn't totally control, the only thing she aspired to be on an equal footing with.
If Pochita understood her so well, it was as the fourth knight of the apocalypse. If Makima considered him her equal, it was because she couldn't control a demon she knew to be of her own rank. The logic follows with Nayuta.
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The demon of war doesn't accept death, it accepts to spread it through conflicts and weapons of mass murder, but a general doesn't accept that death can touch him too. To spread death represents victory, to be touched by it a defeat that demands vengeance.
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Famine works hand in hand with death, and is feared because suffering and death are the end result of not being able to eat. She's the one with the clearest goal at the moment: to save humanity. She doesn't hesitate to recruit her fellow Apocalypse members, whether it's proposing it to Nayuta, trying to recruit Asa and Yoru, or splitting Chainsaw Man in two to work with the pure state of the death demon.
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The public hunters' aim is also to protect mankind from Nostradamus' prophecy, but by paralyzing death's actions as much as possible. They exploit Denji's flaws and desire to be normal to the full, threatening those around him. While the church, represented by Fami, titillates Denji's heroic side, his abnormalities, they want death to act.
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It would also explain why everyone close to Denji is disappearing.
All the signs are pointing to Asa's imminent atrocity.
Wouldn't it be incredible to think that it's because death is in Denji's belly ?
Everything would then make sense: it's normal for Denji's development to stagnate, and for him to go through so many existential crises.
He doesn't know his own identity
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What's more, it doesn't contradict my most meta theories: Fujimoto places himself in the work through Denji (cf. chapter 133), just as he responds directly to his fans (chapters 136 and 137).
We're all hating him, seeing all our favorite characters meet unfortunate deaths
It would all make sense if the manga we were holding in our hands, "Chainsaw Man", actually referred directly to death right from the start.
It would all make sense if we saw Part 1 as Denji's introduction to the ranks of hunters governed by an early death.
It would make sense for Aki's love for him to be a metaphor for accepting death, in the continuity of mourning.
It would make sense for Power to be reassured by Death when traumatized by the demon of darkness: she died twice for love, and the total disappearance of body and spirit allows us to escape the darkness.
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I don't know if this theory holds, but let's agree...
It's poetic
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grapementos · 11 months
Text
perseverance
aged up bakugo x reader
pt. 3 to this
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numerous panic attacks had ensued since you were discharged from the hospital, but not all of them reached their final stages like the first had.
you’d grown better at grounding yourself and having some semblance of control over your anxiousness. slowly but surely, you felt the pain ebbing away.
it would never be gone completely, you knew, and every day you questioned the possibility of things being different.
what if katsuki hadn’t quit being a hero? what if he’d proposed just as he’d planned to? would your wedding have been beautiful? your marriage successful and healthy?
there were so many what ifs that hurt your heart just to think about.
yet, all you did was think about it—in the best, healthiest way.
you set aside your pride and fears and confided not only in your friends, but in a therapist. you had sessions weekly, and every time you walked out of the office, you felt a little lighter.
for the first time, you understood that it was okay to still love katsuki, to still want to be with him. in fact, they initially expressed how they wished the two of you had tried couples therapy before everything went south.
that was another what if that hurt.
you were always the more rational, levelheaded one. why hadn’t you thought of it, encouraged it? would it have made a difference? those thoughts kept you awake at night, haunting your mind and mocking you with images of a perfect life with katsuki. the life you could've had.
those thoughts were bumps in your path to recovery. it was only through those thoughts, however, that you learned that the road wasn't linear. you had amazing days when you felt strong and independent, days when you'd feel like you were in a colgate commercial. other days, you wanted to set your apartment on fire and disappear. you wanted to scream until your voice was gone, vocal chords torn to shreds. some days, you just wanted everything to stop.
through the good and the bad, you were able to persevere through the challenging navigation of a breakup. still, you granted yourself permission to still love him. to be in love with him. that love would never just vanish, you'd realized a few months into your journey. it dulled, flickered, and faded, but never vanished.
-
you'd found that implementing a routine in your daily life had greatly improved your overall mental health.
this morning, you turned on the news as you made yourself breakfast--a meal you forced yourself to consume, no matter how little it was.
as you grabbed what you needed from the cupboards, a name in the news had you pausing everything.
"...following his spontaneous philanthropic streak, former hero dynamight announces that he will be hosting a tell-all session at our local library. there, he intends to, quote, 'make amends with those i might have hurt with my words, actions, or lack thereof...' well, you heard it here. don't miss a valiant display of heroic vulnerability today at noon. in other news..."
you gaped at the tv, the glass bowl slipping from your suddenly clammy fingers.
philanthropic streak? where had you been?
the sound of the glass breaking reached your ears a whole minute after it hit the ground, snapping you out of your dumbfounded stupor.
"shit," you cursed, crouching down to pick up the pieces.
no, don't even think about it.
you looked at the clock, reading 8 as the time. plenty of time for you to get dressed and go.
no.
you could easily make it in time and sit in the back, just to see him and hear what he had to say.
no.
you'd wear something inconspicuous and hide in the back, just being silent. and then you'd leave, after ten minutes.
no.
every no carried a little bit of yes at the end of it, forcefully dragging you out of the kitchen and into the bathroom for a shower. it was closure, you argued to yourself, closure that you desperately needed.
it's going to be excuses, nothing but lies.
dark clothes are the best choice, you decided, anxiously changing into something you deemed inconspicuous. just ten minutes, it was all you needed.
don't throw all your progress away for ten minutes.
you stared at the mirror, trying to find a single good reason to stay home. yet, every thought in your mind convinced you that this, this is what you needed. you needed to hear him express his regret, his remorse to other people. people who once trusted and supported him in his endeavors, only to be woefully let down by his bouts of anger.
this will just make you hurt more. don't do this.
you discarded every invasive voice in the back of your brain and found yourself at the library come noon, hidden behind a bookshelf. you browsed the shelves with unseeing eyes, thoughts drowned out by the low murmur of the large crowd seated in front of the small stage in the center.
the library was home to many plays around the city, which you found ironic. would this be another display of dramatism and lies?
just as you found a book with a flattering cover, the mic whined with a little feedback.
"sorry about that."
you knew the voice, but the genuineness was foreign to you. you peeked over the row of books, your blood running cold as you saw katsuki sitting meekly on a chair on the stage.
"hello, everyone. i'm, uh, i'm bakugo katsuki, but most of you might know me as dynamight," he began, scanning the crowd, "a lot of you might not be fond of me based, um, based on my time as a hero."
many voices mumbled in agreement at that, which made him laugh, just the slightest. it made your chest swell with pride he didn't deserve.
"and i really don't blame you. i carried a lot of my immaturity from high school into adulthood. my biggest problem was that i saw heroism as a means to an end, a," he motioned with his hands, trying to find the words, "a stepping stone to being 'the best'--whatever that means. and i got lost in my obsession with my image."
you listened intently, at least half sure that you were listening to a complete stranger talk. the katsuki you knew had nowhere near this much humility.
"with that being said, my first apology goes to you, the people of this beloved city. you deserved someone who had your best interest at heart, and i'm sorry that couldn't be me. but, rest assured, i am very familiar with the current top ten and can say with confidence that they are the heroes you deserve."
you found yourself tearing up at his words, so awestruck by the complete 360 in his persona.
the crowd cheered at his words, as pleasantly surprised with his chanage as you were.
"thank you," he chuckled when the crowd quieted down, "next, i'd like to apologize to my friends and family. they definitely got some of the worst of it. for years, they suggested therapy for the anger that i just couldn't seem to control. and for years, brushed them off, over and over again. i insisted that my anger was fuel for my quirk, when in reality, it was detrimental. dangerous. so, mom, dad, all my friends, i'm sorry it took me so long to take your advice. thank you for standing by me."
you werent sure if the session was being broadcasted, but you sure hope it was. kirishima, mina, sero, and denki deserved to hear it. more than that, you were shocked to discover that he'd also been in therapy. so he really meant it..
another round of applause.
"last, and most important," he sucked in a sharp breath, "i'd like to apologize to the love of my life."
you stilled, as if a bucket of cold water had been poured over your head. no, no way.
"i spent three amazing years with the only person i could ever see myself loving. they were the most patient, the most kind person you could ever imagine. they stood by me during every slandering headline, every angry episode, every single ugly moment. they were there."
you covered your mouth and crouched down to the floor, squeezing you eyes shut. no, hell no, you refused to cry.
he exhaled shakily, rubbing a sweaty palm against his jeans, "they were devoted to me, to us. i'd be nothing without their impact on my life, and i've done the worst job at showing it. i," he stammered, scrunching his eyebrows together, "i ruined what we had, and i've never regret anything more. i know all the philanthropy and therapy and apologies in the world can never take back my insensitivity, but i will never stop being sorry, and i swear i'll grow every day."
you had to clamp your hand harder over your mouth to prevent any sniffles or sobs from escaping and alerting everyone to your presence. his words were so genuine, so wholehearted that you knew he truly had changed.
"i'll love them forever, regardless of if they hate me. with that love, i'll destroy any semblance of the douchebag-asshole-monster i used to be." he smiled out to the crowd as a final goodbye, "thank you, everyone. you don't owe me your forgiveness, but i hope you'll consider forgiving me one day."
people clapped, whistled, cheered for him as he turned off the mic.
meanwhile, your heart was racing. you didn't have a single coherent thought in your mind other than the fact that he loved you. he loves you.
he wasn't begging or crying this time, his acts weren't out of desperation. he was completely and totally vulnerable in front of a group of people that he didn't even know included you.
as people flooded out of the library, you shakily pushed yourself to your feet. what now? how could you possibly be expected to walk all the way to your car and drive home in this state of mind?
with a quick breathing technique your therapist taught you, you calmed down enough to get your hands to stop trembling.
katsuki had started helping the security guards pick up and stack the chairs, making small talk with them as they cleaned up the area.
you wiped at your cheeks, hoping they weren't too blotchy. with a quiet breath, you silently crept away from behind the bookshelf and toward the exit.
unfortunately, your far-from ninja-like skills couldn't get past the years of hero instincts engraved in every muscle fiber of katsuki's body.
"y/n?"
you froze, shoulders tensing as you slowly turned around.
"hey, bakugo," you cleared your throat, averting your eyes, "that was, uh, that was nice of you. good job."
there was something undetectable in his face, something you couldn't put your finger on, "oh, thanks, i-" he stepped closer, but stopped when he sensed your hesitance, "i didn't expect to see you here."
"i didn't expect to be here." you said honestly, fidgeting with your fingers, "but i should, uh, probably get going."
he opened and shut his mouth a few times before he sighed and nodded, "okay. but i really meant it, you know? everything i said."
fuck, you were going to cry again. you didn't want to, not in front of him.
"i know." you nodded, "i don't.. hate you, you know? we both had issues that we chose to resolve separately."
"i just wish," he sighed, looking for the words, "i wish that was't the case."
you couldn't hold in your tears anymore, a few cascading down your cheek, but you quickly wiped them away.
"i know." you swallowed hard, trying to prevent your voice from doing that embarrassing, high-pitched crack, "i do too."
he opened his arms, offering a hug and you just couldn't say no. the space was so perfectly carved for you.
you hugged him tight, burying your face into his shoulder.
"i'm so sorry, y/n. i'm sorry for everything." he whispered into your hair, his voice wet with tears, "i never deserved you."
you just cried harder, knuckles white as you gripped onto the back of his shirt. you wanted to speak, to reassure him that it wasn't completely his fault, but you couldn't pause for a breath long enough to say a single word.
instead, the two of you dropped to the ground, arms wrapped around each other with a desperation that you only feel for each other. a once-in-a-lifetime desperation.
the two of you cried and held each other, and somehow you knew everything was going to be okay.
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and this concludes the triology! thank you for the overwhelming support on this series that wasn't even meant to be a series!
taglist: @blackout-ice-biohazard @survivorofmath @iam-thevillain-of-thisstory @odessa-is-my-queen @firesmokeandashes @valentineshiftz @sil-ver-shadow @echosfadve
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sorcerous-caress · 5 months
Text
Yandere Wyll headcanons
[Soft yandere, Toxic protective Wyll, jealousy, possessiveness, nb!reader]
[Part of the Wyll's Week event]
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Bedtime stories of love at first sight that his father used to tell him after tucking him in was something he thought he outgrow.
Yet on that day as he hopped down the grove's gate and faced the goblins, meeting your eyes amidst the battlefield felt like an arrow struck his heart.
A feeling he can't explain.
Wyll was hyperaware of your presence during the whole fight, of your safety. Casting a spell on the nearby goblin that might have taken you by suprise, completely ignoring the fact he was surrounded by a dozen of them himself.
In the aftermath, it almost hurt him to retreat back inside the grove, to leave you all alone out there.
He wanted to go and check on you, to ask your name at least.
But the tieflings urged him back, declaring him their hero as he smiled politely at the kids running up to him.
Please come back, he thought, please follow him.
It must be fate, and when you walked inside the grove and spoke to him, he was sure of it.
Your name sounded pleasent on his lips, and when you called him the blade of frontier he thought he might trip and make a fool of himself.
One thing led to another and he found himself back at your camp.
Much to his dismay, there were other tents placed Besides your own.
Even his reaction surprised him, why did his lungs burn at the idea of someone else staying near you as you slept? Why does his heart ache at the idea that he wasn't the first person you called back to camp.
The eventual meeting with the devil he was hunting ensures, and you're there by his side during it.
But you're looking at the devil with concerned eyes instead of disgust, you're lowering your weapon and asking if she's okay.
You ask for her name just like you asked for his.
Something ugly twists inside his stomach.
He takes over the conversation, steers it back to the purpose it once held before.
But you stop him, talk him out of it, and like any fool smitten in love, he can't refuse you.
Part of him is aware that he did the right thing, that your words rung true at the end, Karlach is no devil.
And as he pays the price for his change of heart that night, you still face him the next morning.
Still as handsome, you tell him.
You don't look at him with disgust, you don't prod at his horns and you don't avoid eye contact with his abyssal eye.
It really must be fate, for someone as kind hearted as you to cross paths with him.
He stays by your side that night, nods off to sleep with his head resting against your shoulder.
From that day on, he stays by your side and on your team.
Every attempt at getting him to go back to camp is met with refusal, you can only bring two other companions, the third will always be Wyll.
The world is too dangerous, the people are too greedy. He can't let someone take advantage of you, he can't let you out of his sight.
He shows off his power more in front of you, plays the heroic role with more flourish, targets the enemies that target you.
The other companions make a comment or two about how he seems to be inseparable from you, Wyll takes it in stride and plays it cool, yet never denies it.
Somehow each attempt they make at getting closer to you gets interrupted by some way or the other.
That time Gale attempts to share the weave with you, Scratch suddenly runs to you, your favourite boot in his mouth with chew marks and you completely lose focus and go after him.
That night Astarion invites you to the forest, it suddenly starts raining and it's too damp and muddy to do anything on the ground.
When Shadowheart called you to split a bottle, a cat jumps out of the bush and nearly makes her stumble off of the small cliff into the lake, both of you immediately make it back to camp.
As Wyll dismisses the familiar he summoned, he can't help but feel guilty and ashamed by his actions.
Just because he's not in a hurry to share his bed with you, doesn't mean that the other companions deserve it because they're easy.
Not to mention, you did promise him to dance with him eventually, did you not?
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little-pondhead · 1 year
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Wanted to hop in on the supervillain Danny au questions! Do we think Valerie would have any interest to get in on this? Between being a pawn for Vlad as Red Huntress and her "friends" ditching her as soon as she stopped being rich, I like the idea that evil billionare mastermind is her general vibe. Heck, maybe she and Tucker flip roles and she becomes the guy in the chair, not being a front line powerhouse and actually coming up with elaborate plans.
And on that note, do we think that if Vlad somehow found his way into this mess, he'd see the whole thing as a fun little game of "opposite world" and try his hand at being a hero? Because I for one think that would be hilarious, I actually don't have ideas for that because I can't imagine a heroic Vlad.
Amyway, that's all I got for now. Love your work!
You're one of the vertebrae creatures who keep hoarding all the brain wrinkles, aren't you??
---
[Okay, so I lost your ask, wrote this shit, then found it again so it's not exact but I'm trying here.]
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Let's start with Valerie, or keeping up with the trend, Gray in the DC universe.
Valerie is so tired. It's a different kind of tiredness that has a grip on the others. Danny is tired of being a hero, Sam is tired of her parent's expectations, and Tucker is tired of being unable to protect his friends. Jazz is tired of being the bigger person, and Dani is tired of not having someone to rely on. The DC universe is their escape, and honestly, it's doing wonders for their mental health. Valerie notices. She has a shaky truce with Phantom and his crew, but she can't just let him get a leg up on her, can she? So Valerie follows them, through town, through the portal, through the new world they popped up in.
There, she stops. Phantom is now Fenton, and doesn't that make sense? Many things click into place and Valerie starts to understand as she watches the others from the shadows. She's surprised they haven't noticed her, but a little green sticky note on her visor says she had a little hand in her reconnaissance. So when she's done, she returns to her dimension. Back to Amity Park and back to her bed. Valerie lays there for a while, staring at the ceiling and fingering the sticky note, committing every detail to memory.
And you know what? Valerie gets pissed. How come Danny and his friends lovers? and family get to just visit other dimensions whenever they want a break and have no repercussions whatsoever? Just because hero work is hard?? She's a hero too, dammit!
Obviously, someone out there apparently agreed with her because, in a quick, dizzying moment, Valerie finds herself suddenly in the Ghost Zone, plopped down on a ratty blue couch with a very old ghost sitting across from her. He introduces himself as Clockwork, the ghost of time, the regent of the king, and Danny's guardian. Mentor? She wasn't sure; ghost speech always gave her a headache. Either way, Valerie found herself exceptionally calm and somehow struck a deal with the Ancient. To her chagrin, Clockwork informed her that Valerie was well and truly Liminal now, despite her best efforts. (What did she expect? Her suit was practically drenched in ectoplasm.) As part of the deal, Clockwork extended the same courtesy to her that he had to the others. Anytime she wanted, Valerie could have free reign and access to the DC universe and could do anything she liked with no bad consequences. And because of her liminality, he was able to grant her just enough power for her to create her own portals directly to the other realm.
[What did Clockwork get out of this deal? Well, that's up to someone else who's not me.]
So Valerie goes to this new universe. She switches her name to Gray, as if to mock Fenton, who had no idea she was there. She does not try to become a supervillain. And what's this? Outfit analysis time!!
In the show, I've always liked Valerie as a character, and whether it was intentional or not, her design seems to fit her attitude and actions. They were in high school in the early 2000s before her dad lost her job; Valerie was very popular, from what I remember. Her family had money. Other kids expected her to keep up with social norms, so her outfit looked more stylish than practical. She wears yellow, which is most commonly seen as a happy color. Her hair is slicked back so people can see her whole face. She has nothing to hide. She's confident and youthful, ready to lead, and overall enjoying her lot in life. Then ghosts start appearing, and we all know her backstory as Red Huntress. Her suit is tight to her skin, bright red, and overall she's armed to the teeth. Everything about that screams DANGER! Valerie is a threat now.
Her civilian outfit also never changes, which is understandable because this is a cartoon from 2004. But it's secretly genius because yellow is often considered a cautious color. It turns from being a happy color to a warning. Yellow is also associated with anxiety, betrayal, and even egotism, which is something both she and Danny experience during their interactions. She's uptight and constantly on edge. She feels like she has to provide for her family and is quick to anger.
Now for the opposite of that? Valerie is tired of being angry all the time. Rather than go apeshit on a bunch of poor heroes and villains-been there, done that-she treats this whole thing like an actual vacation. Gray wears a soft long sleeve, sweats, and fuzzy slippers. Her hair is relaxed and in a bun, with her bangs hiding half of her face. It takes some pressure off of constantly keeping her expressions in check. People also can't see how she's silently judging them. She lets the stress melt from her shoulders and lets herself curse like a sailor whenever she feels like it. Her clothes are dimmer colors, which don’t stand out or demand attention. She lets herself be not perfect.
Although, just because this is a vacation for her doesn't mean Gray can't just lounge around doing nothing. She has no money! So Gray, after shuffling through a couple decades of this world's history and discovering that Craigslist is universal, applies for the first work ad she sees. In short, Gray joins the Goonion. She ends up making a deal with the guy who hired her. And her new boss. And her new neighbor. And-
Gray very quickly becomes the John Constantine of the criminal underworld. She brushes up on her people skills and learns to talk rings around other people, getting people to owe her favors as much as she dishes them out. Balance is the key here, as she’s learned from Danny. Gray is never tied down by too many IOUs at a time, and her tight grip on her companions and team quickly earn her a questionable but reliable reputation. She presents a morally-gray character, if you will.
Gray’s quick climb to power-that was definitely sped along by Clockwork-earns her a powerful position in the Goonion. If she plays her cards right, Gray doesn’t have to do any work at all. She just leans back and enjoys being paid for wearing pajamas all day and occasionally signing some paperwork. She siphons away bits of her own paycheck to a dimensional bank account she threatened asked Technus to set up, and Gray is finally able to slip more than a few tens into her father’s wallet when it’s time for him to pay his rent. It’s a good life.
Now, Vlad? Oh, he's fucked. This can work for whatever redemption au you want. He can be exactly like he is in the show or working towards bettering himself as a person. I imagine him being halfway to a redemption plot, and in an effort to gain the Fenton's trust, he starts hanging around with the family more. Jack loves this. The others do not, but what can they do? Everyone is just trying to be civil to each other in an effort to make Jack happy. Since old habits die hard, Vlad very quickly notices Danny's improved state of mind and is attuned to the Zone enough to feel when Clockwork stops time on their end. He starts to purposefully rile up Danny and realizes that the time stops happen right after Danny leaves the room in a fit of anger. Then the boy comes back all smiles and sometimes doesn't even remember what Vlad had said to him in the first place.
So he puts his ear to the ground. Whispers are floating around about a new portal that's been opened near Phantom's Keep. A natural one. A permanent one. No one can investigate due to its location, but the young king and members of his fraid have been seen frequenting it more often than late. Not suspicious in the slightest, Danny would have protested. Vlad goes poking around. Entering the Keep uninvited felt like millions of bugs tugging at his skin, but turning human helped ease the sensation. It was laughably easy to slip between the cold stone walls of the Keep, avoiding Fright Knight's walking path and sticking to the shadows. The portal was in the courtyard, under the watchful gaze of two stone gargoyles leftover from Pariah's reign. Right before Vlad can investigate further stick his head in and see what happens the world warps, and suddenly the older halfa is sitting on his ass in front of a very old ghost.
Looks like Vlad fucked around and found out.
Basically, Clockwork yoinked Vlad to his side of existence right before he entered the portal. Even if all he wanted to do was relate to Danny in an effort to mend their relationship, The Master of Time wasn't okay with Vlad going off into the DC universe all willy-nilly. Oh no. Letting Vlad loose in this world would lead to bad things regardless of his intentions. Even if Vlad promised to play by all the rules and pretended to be human, he was bound to slip up and cause trouble.
So there were two courses of action Clockwork could take here. One, he could pull in a few favors and wipe Vlad's memory, sending him back to his own universe until he inevitably went sniffing around again, and this whole song and dance continued. Or second, he could equip Vlad with similar ghost artifacts Manson and Foley possessed and temporarily seal away Vlad's powers while he was gallivanting around the DC universe. He'd be on Clockwork's payroll, so to speak, and could only act on the older ghost's instructions. Clockwork presented these two choices to Vlad. The older halfa chose the second option after weighing the pros and cons. He didn't want to be controlled by Clockwork, but he also didn't want to lose his memories (over and over again, from how he worded it.)
This is how Vlad's hero persona is born. I'm unsure if he should stick with his last name, Masters, or take on something different to distance himself from Fenton and his family. Let's stick with Masters for now.
Clockwork has this drowning little rat man on a rehab program and uses some fancy ghost jewelry to inhibit his halfa abilities. He doesn't make Masters do much, just drops him in here and there when the DC timestream needs a little nudge. It's not like Clockwork will have Danny deal with it; the kid already helps out with every other timestream when asked. Masters can help out here. And since his halfa abilities are blocked, he gets to do everything as a human, which brings its own set of challenges. The idea is that by throwing Masters face-first into a new world filled with people who could end his existence and be forced to win every fight or else, he'll come to appreciate what Danny goes through on a daily basis.
The JL Dark becomes very familiar with the mysterious Masters, who doesn't seem to have any powers but still fights like he does. The man can be extraordinarily clumsy and short-tempered but still graceful and light on his feet when it matters the most. More than once has someone caught Masters muttering under his breath, cursing out gravity and a 'purple-cloak wearing bitch.' Masters always shows up out of the blue at the most random times. He is literally just there, and sometimes even Masters himself looks shocked about his sudden scene change. But he's always suited up and ready to go, so not many heroes question it. They usually need the help anyway.
In the DC universe, Masters is wearing four magic bands, each engraved with the words Dominion of Time on them. Several bands made from tungsten were buried deep with Clockwork's Tower in an old wooden box made from aspen and diamonds. Each band was a blank slate, glowing slightly from magic long past. Clockwork had simply selected the four he needed, engraved the spells needed in ghost speech, and handed them over. Vlad grumbled and tried to find a loophole in the artifacts, but ultimately accepted his fate and wore them whenever Masters was needed.
Vlad's new outfit for this outfit is similar to Valerie's; it's loose and uncomplicated. (Actually, there are a lot of parallels between these two.) In the show, Vlad always wears a tailored suit and dress shoes. He's well-groomed and his hair is slicked back. He always tries to show off his wealth and power by having full control over his appearance. In layman's terms, he's the walking cliché trope of a rich billionaire villain in every superhero media to ever exist. After all, in a kid's show with a teenage protagonist, what's more intimidating than an adult nemesis who has their life together?
As Masters, Vlad is forced to throw all that out the window.
The hero outfit he wears was literally picked up off the street. If glowing metal bands were not adorning his arms, some would assume that Masters was a homeless man. The top was dug out from a dumpster behind a costume store, and the sandals were given to him by a woman who couldn't wear them anymore. His arm sleeves were sewn together from some blackout curtains he found at an old housing demolition site, and the pants were just some sweatpants that were a tad too short. The mask was bought from the corner store, his belt salvaged from a junkyard, and his scarf was actually a gift from Jack-not that he'd wear it around the oaf. The only 'expensive' things Masters wore were the four magic bands, a handful of large glass beads hanging from his belt, and the sharp metal claws he wore on top of each finger. The claws were bought on a whim years ago when Vlad was building his fortune, and boy, was he glad for them now. They were the only real weapons Clockwork allowed him to carry for some reason.
In other words, Masters is exposed. With his loose hair and flowing clothes, Masters is forced to trust the others around him to have his back. He's humbled every time someone covers an obvious blind spot of his that he's not used to compensating for. He gets dirty and messy, fighting to survive against enemies he knows nothing about. His outfit symbolizes his efforts to change. Masters is re-learning what it's like to be truly vulnerable in a world you don't understand with no help whatsoever. Clockwork has no issue pitting him against demons and ghouls even John Constantine would hesitate at, and his narrow victories quickly earn him an invitation to the Watchtower.
The Justice League is puzzled by this walking lump of wet spaghetti. He disappears so easily into the background and doesn't stand out at all. Every once in a while his eyes scrunch up like he's confused about something, but he won't admit that he's lost the conversation. Masters will offhandedly say weird things and turn as if expecting someone to be there, then suddenly stop himself with a soft flinch. He refuses any form of payment. He can stare down Batman. His appearances are random and the man carries no form of contact. Masters often has an aura of resignation and regret around him, as if he didn't want to be there in the first place. He's awkward around kids but fiercely protective of a few teen heroes. (Mostly Conner.)
It finally starts to come together in the JL's mind when Masters becomes more widely known in the world of supers. One of the higher-ups in the Goonion hates him. Dani held a gun to his head. Manson screeched bloody murder when she saw him. Nightingale declared herself his official nemesis. The final piece was when, after a long and exhausting fight, Masters temporarily removed his mask to wipe away some blood around his mouth.
The Flash, who was sitting next to him, nearly let out a squeak.
Masters' blood was bright green.
Masters' teeth were shaped like a shark's.
Masters was another fucking Fenton, wasn't he?
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lostcauses-noregrets · 2 months
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Lost, I think Erwin was only in 65% of the manga/anime, yet I don't think anyone has ever left such a long-lasting impression on the audience. He ranks higher than the mc in the character polls, and he even once ranked higher than Levi. People still love and praise him even though he's been dead for years. Why do you think this is? What makes him such a compelling character?
I’ve been sitting on this ask for months because it feels like such a huge responsibility to answer it. What is it that makes Erwin Smith such a compelling and enduringly popular character, despite having been written out of the story years ago? 
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The most obvious reason is that Erwin is a well written character with considerable depth.  He is a brave and inspiring military commander who leads from the front and dies heroically, laying down his life to ensure the main characters live to fight another day. He plays a pivotal role in the story and, long after he dies, continues to be a motivating force for several other characters. He’s also pretty easy on the eye, which does no harm either. 
However characters like this are ten a penny in manga and anime so I don’t think this is enough to explain Erwin’s enduring appeal.  There’s a very interesting interview with Isayama from 2016 where he talks about coming to understand Erwin’s character, which I think gets to the heart of the matter.  
“...for Erwin, there’s no person I can easily compare him to…The main reason for that is probably because I didn’t have anyone in my life who was an “insightful leader” like my initial portrayal of Erwin. Of course, I’m sure there were people who were “insightful leaders” to a certain degree around me, but—and this is likely due to a quirk of my own personality—the grander a person, the more my eyes are drawn to the places where they’re frayed, or are coming apart at the seams. Armin once said of him, “If a person existed who was capable of bringing change, they would have to be able to sacrifice things that are important to them.” Erwin is certainly someone who can do that, but because I had no one in reality to model him on, and because I, the creator, had no shred of an “insightful leader” within myself to use either, I think I ended up making Erwin more and more human as I went along. Lately, though, I’ve started enjoying drawing Erwin. To put it simply, I think it’s because I am now able to write Erwin not as the “insightful leader,” but as he is inside my heart, an Erwin who is very complex inside."
And Erwin is a very complex and conflicted character.  He’s also a deeply unreliable narrator who sees his own actions in the very worst possible light. He has the ability to motivate others to great feats of heroism, but at the same time he sees himself as a fraud and a conman.  He carries a huge burden of guilt over his father’s death, yet he isn’t driven by vengeance, what drives him forward is the pursuit of knowledge and his desire to prove his father’s theories were right. He is a ruthless commander, willing to sacrifice countless soldiers to achieve his goal, but he also devised a Scouting formation that saved numerous lives. He is also quite literally haunted by all the men and women who died under his command.  He’s incredibly insightful and intelligent, always thinking several steps ahead of everyone else, but he isn’t invulnerable to being manipulated by unscrupulous characters like Zackley, who was able to spot his weakness. He believes that he alone is pursuing his own selfish dream, despite all the characters having their own dreams and motivations. Yet despite his misgivings, he is able to set aside his dream, and lay down his life for the greater goal of saving humanity. He presents an implacable facade to the world, yet he privately admits to wishing he could end his life.  So many deeply human contradictions. 
Although Erwin is a hugely compelling character in his own right, I don’t think we can overlook the importance of his relationship with Levi, who of course is the most popular character in the series (sorry Eren).  Regardless of whether you ship them or not , it’s impossible to ignore the importance of Erwin’s relationship with Levi (and vice versa). I’ve written reams over the years about Erwin and Levi’s relationship, which I’m not going to repeat here, but I am going to point the famous quote from Ono Diasuke who described Levi as the last stronghold of Erwin’s humanity, because that’s what is really important.  
Ultimately Erwin is a complex, contradictory human being and it’s his humanity, rather than his heroism, and the emotional conflict at the heart of his character that continue to fascinates and move people.
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camille-lachenille · 12 days
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Was thinking about just how much characters in the Silm and LOTR deal with pain an injuries on a daily basis. It’s not always said plainly but they exist in the story, they live, they are important, and I wonder how much of them are inspired by Tolkien’s own experience of war injuries/illness. How many of his fellow soldiers came back home disfigured and disabled and were faced with disgust or contempt?
Sure, there’s the whole fairy-tale/mythic aspect of loosing a limb in your heroic quest to get the Magic Object, but what about Gwindor, who was captured by Morgoth and, when he finally managed to escape, was so changed by his sufferings that his beloved rejected him? Gwindor’s not a hero, he’s a simple soldier who suffered through war and captivity and became disabled because of that. How much pain did he live with daily even if it’s never said on the page?
And, still in the CoH, there’s Brandir the Lame. He was born disabled, couldn’t be a warrior, yet held a position of power until his people wanted action and scorned him. Brandir is a healer, a man of wisdom and lore; how much of it is because he tried to cure himself? To ease his pain but also try to "fix" himself in the eyes of his people and be the worthy leader he thought they wanted.
There is Sador ‘Labadal’ too, who chopped his foot off in an accident and is looked down for that by several character (not the least of them being Morwen).
These three characters are all disabled and looked upon with pity, contempt or outright disgust. They did not become disabled in the doing of great deeds, their stories aren’t heroic, and so their disability makes them worthless in the eyes of many.
If you take Maedhros, on the other hand (pun fully intended), he is seen as made greater by his disability. He suffered unthinkable torments and was freed at the price of his right hand, and did many great and terrible things after that. It is similar for Beren, who also lost his hand (arm chopping is not a love language!) but it always portrayed as a good and heroic character, because his disability is the direct result of him taking part in the great designs of the world rather than a banal accident.
And that’s only for the Silm characters, because we don’t want to forget about Frodo of the Nine Fingers, who bore the One Ring to the very fires of Mt Doom. Frodo who returned home sickly and traumatised, plagued with chronic pain, nightmares and a poor health and was only looked at down by the hobbits who did not take part in the quest if the ring. Frodo may be a hero for Men and Elves but he has little to no recognition in his homeland.
Another character I nearly forgot (shame on me!) is Celebrían, She was captured and tortured and despite her physical wounds healing she was never the same again, to the point she had to leave her family to seek healing elsewhere. I see this as a form of mental illness, probably depression and PTSD. And Celebrían is not thought as lesser because of her disability. She is seen as a tragic story, yes, but it’s better than most of the other disabled characters in the Silm.
Anyway, I don’t really know what my point is here, just that I noticed a pattern in the representation of disabled characters in Tolkien’s works, first of all that they exist at all, and second that how they are treated certainly reflects the views of society on disabled people during Tolkien’s lifetime. The way he writes disabled characters isn’t perfect, far from it, but they are here, and I, as a disabled reader, am immensely glad for their existence and I play in the gigantic sandbox of the Legendarium with these characters and others whom I imagine as disabled in any way.
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oshiawaseni · 1 year
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Between BkDk, which of them knows they're in love with the other?
A question was asked: Is it just one, is it both, or is it neither? This is my reasoning behind why I think that both of them have realised their romantic feelings for the other.
I'll start with Izuku’s side first, as he is the veteran.
Izuku's been sitting on his feelings for quite some time and repressing them as much as he can, simply just knowing these feelings… exist. Izuku has always loved Kacchan, but I'm talking specifically about the moment he realised what kind of love it was.
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I think the moment that really did Izuku in was witnessing the growth in Katsuki's heroic heart for the very first time, during his team's battle in the Joint Training arc. Shiny eyes watched Kacchan's newly perfected teamwork as he fought the opposition while protecting his team and allowing them to cover for him in return.
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This change in Katsuki was his heart becoming more like Izuku's, in his efforts to become the top hero that cares about saving and winning equally. He no longer looked down on the action of saving a person, so he no longer looked down on what it meant to be saved by others either. I think this really cast him in a new light for Izuku.
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Kirishima: "But it's true it might be the first time we've ever seen him do something like this." (Katsuki protecting others)
As well as planting a seed foreshadowing Bakugou Katsuki Rising, Hori placed the speech bubble over a very bare panel of Izuku watching Kacchan for two reasons: Emphasis that Izuku was also seeing Kacchan's character growth for the first time, and to imply that the change in Katsuki's character that Monoma had just been yelling about was, in large part, influenced by Izuku himself.
The paneling is so genius. It seemed insignificant enough to be ignored by Bones, yet it says so much more than all other panels because it tells a story of the piece in Katsuki that had been missing their whole lives, it’s simplistic emptiness conveying the beauty Izuku saw in him finding it. If Katsuki was changing, maybe Izuku was, too... and this panel was the start of Izuku's admiration evolving into something more romantic.
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Izuku watching Katsuki's heroism was an incredibly important moment for them and puts Izuku's view of love in ch.348 into some more context. Because chapter 208 was Katsuki definitely... undeniably sharing Izuku's heart. RIGHT AFTER sending his thoughts to Izuku: "Just keep your eyes on me, shitty Deku!"
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".......If it responds to my feelings, at that time, I..."
And not long after JT, we get these unfinished thoughts about WHY Black Whip was triggered and Izuku has been hush about his inner thoughts on Katsuki ever since. (Other than telling Kacchan he doesn't mind being called Deku, if it's too hard to call him Izuku.)
The reason Izuku's emotions were so deeply triggered that day is because Monoma reminded him of the pain he saw in Katsuki's face when he cried to him about ending All Might in DvK2.
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The recent anime ending further backs this theory during a montage of Izuku running away from the significant memories he has with his friends. This memory is a very important one to Izuku.
When Monoma triggered him, Izuku felt Katsuki's suffering on a personal level. His precious Kacchan, who had cried to him with that face, had fallen under attack, so by extension, Izuku was being attacked too. That day, Izuku discovered how very protective he is over him. (see also: "Give him back to me!")(see also: Kacchan getting hurt "because of me" to save Izuku was the Vigilante arc catalyst) (see also: Vol 37 Cover Art)
During his Bakugou Katsuki Rising chapter/episode, Kacchan too felt an immense amount of empathy with Izuku, because he refers to the moment he was about to lose Izuku as being "at death's door." Not specifying it was Izuku's death, but death in general. Izuku feels Katsuki's pain. Katsuki feels Izuku's pain. And this attunement with one another makes them both feel immensely protective over each other. Amazing.
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So... Izuku has just figured out his feelings... and when asked directly by Kacchan, he runs away from giving him a concrete answer because he doesn't want to upset him with the love and overprotectiveness he feels for Kacchan inside his heart. At this point in the story, Izuku still feels somewhat disliked by him and is scared of Katsuki's potential harsh rejection. I'm sure he was thinking something like "Better to omit the truth and not cause anyone pain." No pain for Kacchan, no pain for him. Hedgehogs can't get hurt if they never lie close to each other, right?
** .•° ✿ °•. ❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。 ೋღ
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With Katsuki, I think he awoke to a new feeling born inside him after he almost lost Izuku. The uncompromising need for Izuku to stay in his life. And his feelings from childhood that he’d hidden deep inside reemerged with the same explosive level of fervour that he’d given Izuku their whole lives, except now when he thought about Izuku, his heart was filled with something… different.
He only realised what those feelings really were at the same time he faced the looming death that was ahead of him. Katsuki was stripped completely bare by AFO and found all that remained of him, which was now staring him straight in the face, the precious piece of him AFO could never touch: Izuku’s and his intense and binding love for each other. There's no other explanation for chapter 362, other than him becoming more aware of both Izuku's and his own feelings. That's why he thought of him in the end, that's why he longed to see him so much.
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That's why he wanted his feelings to reach him, to have Izuku in his grasp, at a time when he knew he had no hope to. All For One told him to face his reality. But that reality and Katsuki's wishes are two very separate entities and nothing can come between the love and belief Izuku and Katsuki have for each other. Katsuki would not be broken… and it was his hope that won out.
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Edgeshot: "Don't give up, Dynamight! The guy you're waiting for will... Deku will come for sure. That's why I won't let you die!"
Hori revealed on the back of Volume 37 that Izuku is the person Katsuki had been waiting for because... (and this BREAKS ME):
Katsuki had been waiting to be saved by him.
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I KNOW, I KNOW. There's a small part of me that's just like "SHUTUP HORI THESE CHAPTERS WERE ALREADY HARD ENOUGH TO TAKE YOU DIDNT HAVE TO RUB THEM IN EVEN MORE :((" because thinking about all of this hurts like hell.
But I know these lines probably weren’t written to upset those of us who live in a perpetual state of bkdk canon brainrot, and were written so that everyone else, the average "casual" fan, can start to see/accept the love that's between them a little more. I'm sure it's with this kind of intention that he reminded everyone again of who exactly it was residing in Katsuki's heart and whose name it was Edgeshot felt he needed to use to call out to Katsuki with, for the sole purpose of motivating him harder to stay alive. (ily Hori, thanks for the pain.)
As of ch.362, they are both now aware they love the other, Izuku doesn't know yet that it's very reciprocal, but I think Katsuki realised it, and he allowed Izuku's love to overflow him during his delirium, using it as his shield to protect his spirits after the awful things AFO did and said to him. It's devastating that he had to suffer so much to see the truth that had been lying dormant inside his own heart the whole time.
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This uncovered truth is why he got back up and acted in the way he knew Izuku believed in most about him. Izuku wasn't coming. But at the very least... he could still become the hero Izuku admires and loves one last time, before it was all over...
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"(Never giving up until I get my win is what you always believed in about me,) so I just gotta win, right.... Izuku....?"
Ch.362 felt like Katsuki's answer to Izuku's feelings, an incredibly private moment of him exposing his bare heart for all to see. His final act was an acceptance and reciprocity of the love Izuku felt for him that had been there all along. He was completely run down mentally, physically and spiritually, so he comforted himself by thinking about his special guy.
What provides more comfort than your beloved being right there with you, at your lowest? What greater desire does the heart have than to feel loved by the person it yearningly aches for the most?
Katsuki was only able to see Izuku's feelings because he could finally face and recognise his own.
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demonslayedher · 4 months
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It didn't seem right to skip over episodes I didn't draw recaps for! Things that ran through my head while watching this episode:
--When making this episode, Ufotable had the advantage of knowing what would come later in the manga. While rewatching it today, I had the advantage of knowing what would come later in the anime.
--By that, I mean the judicious use of Nezuko's lines in Tanjiro's dream in "Kamado Nezuko no Uta" *cough which I was just singing again at karaoke a few hours ago so it's even fresher in my brain cough*
--By that, I also mean the imagery of the field of Nichirin-to, wisteria petals, and dawn-like light as Tanjiro contemplates if he were to become a demon, and how he would trust that someone in the Corp would cut his head off for him --It never gets old how the Shabana siblings are a foil to the Kamado siblings, especially because Tanjiro recognizes how close they were and takes it to heart. I love how Gyutaro took a liking to Tanjiro on account of Tanjiro being laughably pathetic, and by merit of both of them being big brothers. That gives them something to relate to which is totally independent of whether they are demons or humans.
--I love that scene with Gyutaro mocking Tanjiro so much; it's one of those scenes that Ufotable really slowed down and dialed up the drama in, while still making every action make sense and count. One of the most tense conversations in the whole anime, and Gyutaro's glee is palpable. I love that all the names he calls Tanjiro are names that he was called when he was human, and while I don't think Gyutaro is conscious of it, it feels like at some level, he's yelling these things at himself because he's angry with himself for having failed to protect Ume.
--Speaking of, I love how Daki is like, "nuh uh, Oniichan, don't you dare make these two our friends, I hate them" and Gyutaro ignores her because she's an annoying little sister. Such siblings. Also, the way she's just casually sitting totally unphased at the top of the building is the biggest mockery, as it rubs him how useless their hard-earned triumph in the previous episode was. I love how much that theme gets stressed in this series--that is what it means to fight demons!
--Kimetsu logic: don't give us any idea what the characters are doing until after they've already done it. Tanjiro wasn't running away, but instead grabbing a kunai and covering its scent? Oh, ok, cool. Zenitsu had another variation on his one technique and he can only use it twice in one fight? Ok, cool. Inosuke can move his organs and resist poison? You know what, okay. Also, a note of voice acting--I love how heroically deep sleeping Zenitsu's voice is (I'm sure that's how the hero of Legend of Zenitsu always speaks), and how Inosuke is clearly Not Okay.
--Uzui can stop his heart? Sure. Alright. I wonder how much of that was voluntary in the middle of a fight with his little Tsuguko on the line, though--perhaps he also went into that state to prevent himself from bleeding out from his arm? But man, he is no-o-o-o-t looking good, that is truly fighting with desperation, however elated he is to have completed his sheet music technique.
--His wives were watching when he was down on the ground and supposedly dead. ;__;
--Ufotable always has such a challenge to make every Breath technique look amazing and they keep raising the bars. Even though a lot of the height of this battle was just being flashy and yelling at each other, they still had to thing about battle mechanics, like what hits they actually manage to get in on each other (Uzui didn't just lose the eye, he took a nasty hit in the abdomen, too!) and the moment Uzui drops one of his swords. Although a lot of the fighting in this episode is slowed down by character thoughts, if you put it all in sequence, it was very, very quick.
--This entire battle, actually, probably did not take very long. The initial blows exchanged between Tanjiro and Daki took a while, but once it got going with Uzui involved, it was very, very fast-paced. Considering people only started to evacuate during the Daki and Tanjiro battle, and most of them were still there during Nezuko's fight, it was probably very lucky if it was vacated by the time this episode started. We don't know how long Tanjiro was out cold, but hopefully that was enough time for the stragglers to get away before Gyutaro's final attack (but Nezuko saves them, yaaay, I also get to enjoy knowing that Nezuko's fire at the end of this episode because Ufotable made that cool choice too!). Anyway, part of the reason I bring up the speed of this battle is because I am still cross at Ufotable for messing up the timeline by placing this arc in very late autumn, which is should had been in summer, thereby making the night short in the first place--and uncomfortably hot even before you add all the flames! (Added bonus: hot and muggy for the boys when they're in kimono and makeup, because that's funny.)
--THE MARRRRKKKKKK
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theoi-crow · 2 months
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TW: religious trauma, threat mention, weapons mention, child neglect, homophobia, abuse, coercion and religious PTSD.
Why fearing a deity keeps me from developing a genuine relationship with that same deity.
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I grew up Catholic and one of the first things my mother taught me was the concept of Heaven and Hell. Essentially after death one gets judged based on the actions they took while they were still living and is either rewarded with heaven or punished with hell. It was a simple concept to understand but it brought up a question that ultimately made me leave the religion.
Do I genuinely love God or am I afraid of his wrath? (Like a held hostage who is coerced into choosing options that won't upset my captor out of fear of his retaliation)
Even the reward of eternal bliss felt like it was designed to lessen the threat of eternal damnation as a consolation prize for all those years of panic attacks and anxiety over the thought of being sent to Hell. I always hoped for a third milder option that allowed me the freedom to develop a genuine relationship with God without said god having to rely on coercion. I wanted to experience an honest relationship without a weapon pressed against my back in case I made the wrong move or asked the wrong question.
Due to this looming threat, the relationship I had with God felt transactional and lacked genuine affection because I knew God's love for me was conditional and depended on me following arbitrary rules from a book written by a lot of different people (each author having their own agenda different from the rest so they were constantly contradicting each other because the different entries were written in different time periods and places with vastly different political movements specific to their locations and situations but were combined together, like a mass Tumblr post with over 50 blogs that don't all agree on what the rules should be).
The many rules always made me feel like Alice playing a game with the Queen of Hearts with rules that were unclear and no one was interested in explaining them to me until I did something they didn't like and were able to find something in the book that condemned me for it.
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Having to adhere to these rules in order for me to be rewarded and not punished felt like a relationship between a gay child and homophobic parents that expected said child to act a certain way. If that child obeyed, they were rewarded with affection and approval, but if said child didn't, they were kicked out and forced to fend for themselves against a world that wasn't built to protect and help gay children. Being Christian felt like I had a leash around my neck being held by an entity that constantly told me he loved me, so long as I did what I was told.
I didn't think it was possible to love a deity without fearing them until I met my gods.
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According to the ancient Greeks: Once a human dies they go to Hades. Unless they make some kind of undeniable mark in the world everyone goes to Hades.
If you were a famous and exceptional human that changed the world in a positive way you'd go to Elysium but you purposefully had to do something so extraordinary your legacy and name became well known because according to the Elysium wiki, in the beginning "only mortals related to the gods and other heroes could be admitted past the river Styx. Later, the conception of who could enter was expanded to include those chosen by the gods, the righteous, and the heroic." (LINK) The ancient Greeks believed the gods were in charge of giving people fame because those who were famous were often related to the gods (for example: people believed Pythagoras (the one that the Pythagorean theorem is named after) was either the son of Apollo, or Apollo himself: (LINK)
Tartarus is strictly for gods and humans can't go there but the worst humans are still punished by Hades as shown in the myths of Sisyphus (LINK) and Tantalus (LINK) but you have to royally eff up. You have to do it on purpose like enacting laws that target vulnerable people (both Sisyphus and Tantalus were kings and politically involved) or commiting mass genocide as examples of the severity I'm talking about. These are crimes against humanity you cannot accidentally do, they involve terrible deeds that are premeditated with the intent of destroying the lives of innocent people.
But if my main problem is the concept of Heaven/Hell, why am I bringing up Elysium, Hades and Tartarus, concepts that influenced how Heaven and Hell work? (LINK)
Because unless you choose to dedicate your life, time and energy and become famous for making an undeniable mark in history (an effort that isn't just you doing normal good deeds or making mistakes you later regret but actually dedicating your life and becoming well known for your efforts like activist Greta Thunberg, or purposefully hurting innocent people like serial killer Ted Bundy) everyone else goes to Hades and I love that because when I work with my gods I may not get automatic access to Elysium but there is no threat of eternal punishment either.
Which means I interact with my gods because I want to!
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Not because I'll be rewarded or punished but because I want to interact with them and develop a genuine connection with them! There's no condition of me needing to convert others, in fact I don't even have to tell people I believe in them! (the gods understand the world can be a dangerous place for their followers due to the many religious wars and religious politicians in power).
I'm not required to talk about them! I'm not even required to keep this blog but I do it because I genuinely love them and I love talking about them! I've even changed majors mid semester in order to dedicate my life to learning about them. I'm studying to become an archeologist who specializes in the ancient Greek religion in order to make that information more accessible to Hellenic Polytheists and anyone else interested in the gods. I don't do it so the gods will reward me because I don't need them to, they will be just as happy if I delete this blog, quit my career and go about my day living my life. I do it because I love learning about the gods and I want to share the information I learned in case it helps those that are interested learn more about their gods too!
I've even made it my mission on Tumblr to share what I've learned about the gods to hopefully help others connect with their gods more easily especially for those who are having trouble connecting with them. And this was all unprompted. The gods literally had nothing to do with this. It was my own choice because there is a specific god I sometimes have trouble connecting with due to varying factors and it makes me feel awful when I can't connect with him, especially when I need his guidance the most so I want to help others avoid experiencing that feeling by letting them know they're not alone and helping them figure out what's blocking their connection because it can be a miserable experience.
My favorite part about a lack of reward and punishment is having the confidence to say I seek the gods because I want to seek the gods.
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I walk with the gods because I want to walk with the gods. This is my will, my choice, and mine alone. No one is forcing me to do it and there isn't some big prize at the end if I do, I can stop anytime I want and nothing will happen. I have made an independent choice to seek the gods, meet them and got to know them and I can genuinely say I love them more than I ever thought was possible. I do.
I love my gods.
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sciderman · 6 months
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the only mcu thing i can kinda get behind is iron man is fucking dead
god, you know, my relationship with the mcu really shifted over time - i remember really loving the first iron man movie and - honestly, from a filmmaking standpoint, it's still a really good movie (probably the mcu's best - it's just. really well-made, and fresh, and predates all the quickly established marvel formula that all the following movies just spiral into) - but i kind of can't enjoy it anymore now that i'm kind of - so hyper-aware now of all the miltary-glorification that kind of pervades the entirety of the mcu. there's this glorification of american interventionism and it's - naturally, not something i pick up on as a kid, and think "HEHE guy in cool robot suit!! he's a hero!!" - looking back on it now, the entirety of the mcu is sullied by this - and this kind of - obsession with tony stark. and how he's vindicated in death. he was right. we need armour to protect the world. we need child soldiers, and suits with insta-kill protocols.
kind of - everything bad in the marvel universe is caused by tony stark inadvertently? and it carries onto peter parker, too. peter parker also, never at any point in the movies, saves people that he didn't put in danger in the first place. i think the same can be said about tony. that's the thing - if you carry a gun, you're not making the place safer. the place is less safe now because you brought a gun there.
i think all forgiveness for tony should've been revoked after ultron - he should have been imprisoned. an entire nation of people almost died because of him. but he gets vindicated. because his "intentions" were "good"? and i guess he makes a good gun next time (vision) and he's redeemed in death. he's like, this saviour figure. i KNOW marvel is hoping most people won't question it, and just take it at face value - he's wearing a cool suit. kids buy action figures of him. he's the good guy. like he isn't actually directly responsible for like, 90% of all the deaths in the mcu and like, the supervillain origin story of practically every villain on earth.
maybe i'll always be team cap - solely for the symbolism of his weapon of choice being a shield, rather than a gun.
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