They should make an academic validation that doesn't cause sleep deprivation.

when I escape the struggles of academia it's going to be so over for you all. so over.

Why tf do I crave academic validation but at the same time live and breathe procrastination??

studying like my life depends on it, because my life depends on it

Though i am lazy, i still seek academic validation and attention. How will I ever get out of this Labyrinth of Suffering?

i need for this anatomy exam to not kick me in the fucking ass cuz imma fucking die if i wont pass it

when I read, make art and study on the same day:

Cannot Wait to be Finished with the godforsaken IBDP. It is but the condensation of sorrow. I may have acquired substantial amounts of knowledge and spiffing writing abilities, but my heart is feeble and my brain infirm. The dim light at the end of this academic year is obscured by the menacing phantom of my exams. i am steadily burdened with truncated and abandoned internal assessments. i am uncertain how much longer i can withstand this pestering pressure. at least my extended essay has been completed, an experience from which i am uncertain i will recover. i was initially told this would be a remarkable opportunity. perhaps had i had the slightest artistry and organisational expertise i would have concluded my work months in advance, allowing myself the time to allocate to my studies. alas, here i am, hampered by the tonnage of the consequences of my actions, powering through the final stages of my hardships only with the energy bequeathed to me by caffeine and the final morsels of optimism i can find within my soul.

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skipped a lecture to catch up on a lecture – from the same unit

what has my life come to?

what to do when even academic validation isn’t working anymore? Like if i get good grades i don’t feel proud or a slight sense of accomplishment i don’t feel like i’ve done something or i’ve achieved something, just a sense of relief that it’s over like it’s just another chore i am obliged to do like i wouldn’t be me without this.

is it just me who can't read and listen to music at the same time?? because I need to appreciate both things separately?? like???

A lil self roast hurts nobody 🌚

the feminine urge to dedicate my life to books... to leave everything and escape to a library

And the lights are not fluorescent, and there are no words on the page. - Form Essay Rewrite

Author's Preface and Ch. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7

Description: My final portfolio for one of the creative writing courses I took based around exploring the creative nonfiction essay in its many literary forms, with any and all identifying names or signifiers censored out.

Player 2 moves black pawn to a5.

Player S̵̈͂̅͌̂͒̈́̈́̉́͊̌́͝ moves white pawn to a3.

Player 2 moves black pawn to b5.

Player S̵̳̈͂̅͌̂͒̈́̈́̉́͊̌́͝ moves white pawn to b3.

Player 2 moves to black pawn to c6.

Player S̵̳̈͂̅͌̂͒̈́̈́̉́͊̌́͝ moves white pawn to c3.

Player 2 moves black pawn to d6.

Player S̵̳̈͂̅͌̂͒̈́̈́̉́͊̌́͝ moves white pawn to d3.

Player 2 moves black pawn to e5.

Player S̵̳̈͂̅͌̂͒̈́̈́̉́͊̌́͝ moves white pawn to e4.

Player 2 moves black pawn to f6.

Player S̵̳̈͂̅͌̂͒̈́̈́̉́͊̌́͝ moves white pawn to f3.

Player 2 moves black pawn to g6.

Player S̵̳̈͂̅͌̂͒̈́̈́̉́͊̌́͝ moves white pawn to g3.

Player 2 moves black pawn to h5.

Player S̵̳̈͂̅͌̂͒̈́̈́̉́͊̌́͝ moves white bishop to f3.

Player 2 moves black pawn to g4.

Player S̵̳̈͂̅͌̂͒̈́̈́̉́͊̌́͝ moves white bishop to g4.

Player 2 moves black pawn to f4.

Player S̵̳̈͂̅͌̂͒̈́̈́̉́͊̌́͝ moves white bishop to f4.

Player 2 moves black pawn to e6.

Player S̵̳̈͂̅͌̂͒̈́̈́̉́͊̌́͝ moves white bishop to e6.

Player 2 moves black queen to d7.

Check.

Player S̵̳̈͂̅͌̂͒̈́̈́̉́͊̌́͝ moves white bishop to d7.

Checkmate.

Shorthand Key

a5 - Putting your best foot forward a3 - Steady travels b3 - False hope c6 - The numb, knee-buckling realization that this will not work for you long term, hitting you like an explosion hits an unprotected ear born and raised in conflict-free suburbia. (Regardless of whether or not the player is using the black or white chess pieces, all they can see is blinding light. The other player is not obligated to wait for the player’s vision to recover to allow them to take their next turn) d6 - The exhaustion slowly spilling out to every corner of the board. (re: a1) e5 - The swish of the adrenaline rush in your blood that comes from pulling an all-nighter for a midterm, only to complete 40% of it in between the last two hours before class,  frantic pacing that melts into stimming hard enough to hurt your wrists, wailing that cuts into hyperventilation that cuts into wailing that cuts into coughing that melds into the low, gravely whine that your smoker aunt makes when you shake her away for breakfast. As evidenced by the nonsensical description surrounding it, players disregard any piece standing on d6. h5 - The new approach that’s totally gonna work, Dad, don’t worry about it, I promise. h3 - If a pawn is standing on top of it, the disappointment of your new clever, emotionally invested in approach doing absolutely nothing to lighten the load or prepare you for virtually anything. If any other chess piece is standing on it, the ineffable horror of the further setback. g4 - The player stalls for time, either with academic sacrifices, overcompensation, or that goddamn work ethic of theirs that everyone is obsessed with, you know, the one that hasn’t worked for them in 3 and a half years? Lies, appeals to emotion, or half-brained excuses are also viable moves, though they are discouraged by all involved parties besides the two players. (Note: The other player can waste this time by adding extra pressure, work, or burnout, or crushing them with the reminder of a forgotten assignment or the fact that they’ve only spoken to a friend outside of an academic setting 14-15 times this entire semester, in order to advance across the board and remove their chess piece from the board) f4 - Prolonging the inevitable e6 - Prolonging the inevitable, but more outwardly pathetic. d7 - The glaring, dumb mistake on your handling of your finals you knew you were going to make since the second week of the semester. Check - Pass your classes. Maybe. Probably. You don’t really know, and you’re a little too afraid to find out, but you’re going to have to anyway, at some damming point. Checkmate - Death, in the academic and literary sense. The losing player must reset them both, but the student will instead. In this inevitable case, scold them for their inability to follow the rules to ensure the chance of future gameplay.

i just revisioned my math notes that i actually made in today’s class and did the assigned homework. it’s the first day of a new semester. and i fucking hate math. can i safely say that i’m in my ‘i don’t wanna disappoint remus lupin’ era? have i finally found the motivation that i need to get through uni? because that was what i was thinking. i really was like ‘oh i must do it because remus would too.’ and i didn’t even give it a second thought. oh my mother wouldn’t get this. i feel like my brain is going to explode. fucking hell. is this obsession still unhealthy when it makes me not neglect my studies?