so pretyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

A simple thread of gold tied me to you

this was an awesome mental breakdown and now i'll have to go study for the physics exam

guess everything will turn out to be just fine by the end and i'll establish this night as one of the nights when my head outbursts into dreadful thoughts but the ripples calm down to be nothing.

the two personalities in my head fighting on how to act when i'm having a mental turbulence is wild. the 3rd one always extracts entertainment watching the two fight their heads off (the 3rd person knows that the turbulence dies down and i'll be fine in a day)

posting every 2nd thought that i have on tumblr really helps

my insecurities make me think i'll ruin up the precious things i have

i should think less about things that sort of makes me sad, but then again when i suddenly feel sad all these supressed thoughts rush to my head and there's a chemical outburst of all sort of sad making thoughts and i can't help but get consumed

i just know that 1 (one) heartfelt conversation with my friends will help fix everything, shut all those voices in my head, it has happened before and i know it will be okay soon, i know it, i just need this phase to go down

sometimes i'm terrified of the way i think and the way i convince myself everything's wrong and everythings falling apart

i need to get this in my head that situations change, people change, people go through things and they may react in certain ways but its not my fault or my actions that cause it. if i do feel a lesser connection or fading its because of fewer interactions not voluntary avoidance I NEED TO KEEP THIS MIND KEEP THIS IN MIND KEEP THIS IN MIND

i see and now realize how people get excited when you ask them more about themshelves, talk to them about them, its so sweet. but then i see myself doing this more and more for anyone i talk to, i feel like that will make me good companion but more and more i seem to notice how no one quite asks me about things the way i do to people. and to the people who does talk to me about it , i feel she's gonna be tired up soon if i reply in a joyful expressive manner.

i'll send someone 5-6 texts, maybe some rambling, some weird messages, some talks, some questions. and the other person choses to reply to only 1 of the texts, i don't know does this mean the person's neglecting my texts or they simply dont feel like replying to it

maybe its just some internal sadness and i'm phrasing it in the form of of my everexisting fear of loosing my close friendships , a thought that never fails to make me anxious

but what if my friends do secretly are disinterested in me and collectively accept i've become annoying and whining , and they simply talk amongst themshelves keeping things because i'm not trustable to them anymore :/

idk have i become attention seeking or do i only approach when its for a need but i don't know everything seems fine, i don't know whats wrong but something feels wrong.

"do my friends secretly hate me" how lovely of this thought to occur right a week before my birthday like i dont need another reason to feel insecure and start overthinking upon

i get now that my friends kept a thing from me for my own good, its just the feeling i felt then comes scathingly alive whenever i feel a friendship blurring or less connection

i think i think too much, and i observe too much, and i conclude too much