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#i have no motivation

royalapocalypse · 1 year

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listen bro i am just trying to read this book and listen to my silly little songs and watch my comfort movies while eating chocolate ice cream. do not ask me where i see myself in five years i cant even see myself getting through this week yet here we are.

#i have no motivation #set me on fire

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urbanflorals · 5 months

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I'm joining the never ending notes thingy. Cause I'm unreliable :D

if this post gets over 200 notes before Christmas, I will finish my first draft of my fantasy, enemies to lovers wip by Autumn next year (southern hemisphere)

And since I have actually NO motivation here is another one.

If this gets over 350 notes by Christmas, I'll finish my fake dating hockey romance (thats a lot like The Deal but different at the same time) by the same time.

don't do it, I don't wanna writeeee

#writing #wips #i have no motivation #i don't know whether i want this to get notes or not....

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fyoadore · 1 year

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Man spreading for me 😍

#nikolai gogol #bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs memes #i have no motivation #for anything

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hahskeleton · 25 days

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my cat :)

I did a lil doodle whilst she sat next to me how do you draw a cat

#my cats lucy and frankie #lucy and frankie #hahskeleton #floppy art #floppy doodles #my cats #my cat #my cat <3 #orange cat #shitpost #i have no motivation #scraps #art shitpost

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izzyhandslightofmylife · 3 months

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Help

When they talked about it later - which was almost never, it was too dark, too painful - Jim put it well.

Sitting on the deck, night lit by the glow of a few lanterns, they kept their eyes on the stars and the grimace in their voice to a minimum, saying only, “it was the beginning of the end”.

Fang began to sob and was quickly surrounded by the rest of the crew, but nobody would be able to replicate Ivan’s embrace again.

They don’t talk about it after that.

–

In a small voice, Frenchie piped up, “How do we”, he stuttered, “I mean- how do we know that this is how he wants to go?”

All eyes turned to Izzy, who sighed and held up his hand, using his thumb to rub a spade tattoo gleaming in the dim light.

“He had one of these”, he whispered, as if afraid, afraid that a ghost would come down, afraid that another man, very much alive and very much real, would enter the room at any moment.

“Pirates get it all the time. It means, if someone finds you, they know you want to be buried at sea.”

Silence fell before, unprompted, he spoke again, still gruff, of course, but scratchier this time. As if there was something caught in his throat that he couldn’t get out.

“When I was younger, I always thought-” the ghost of a smile. “I thought, who in their right mind would want to go to the ocean? But, I guess, the longer you spend out here, the more it…makes sense. Ocean never really leaves you and you don’t want it to. I don’t think-”

Here, he cut himself off, as if afraid of what would come out. In a tone of finality, he said almost reassuringly, “Trust me. This is what he wanted”.

With no objections after that, silence fell again, each crew member lost in their own thoughts. Fang was wrapped in a cloud of grief, so immersed in his pain that he could scarce comprehend the world around him. Jim’s face was stricken, as if they had just realized how likely it was that, under current management, they could die. Archie made herself smaller, hunching her arms in and burying her head in her shoulder. And Frenchie- well. Sadness, especially sadness like this, was too dangerous, too close to the box, threatening to burst open any moment.

Instead, he directed his thoughts toward the captain, currently sitting in his quarters like always, but whose presence was so powerful that it seemed as if tendrils of smoke were emanating from his door, spreading through the entire ship.

“I’m glad”, he said suddenly, air rushing out of his lungs, box in his mind leaking even now.

“I’m glad he’s going at sea. I don’t want his body to have to stay here anymore, on this ship. Not with him”.

Once again, all eyes turned to Izzy, expecting him to object to the statement, spoken into the empty air almost like a challenge. In the earlier days, those kinds of sayings would come up all the time, only to be shut down immediately afterwards by the first mate, who could hear Edward’s name like a dog responded to its owners. Overtime, the questioning dwindled, as the crew worked every day and grew too weary to care.

Now, though, he looked up, stared at the group for a few moments, and lowered his head again. After a moment, he gave a tiny, imperceptible nod.

Later, they marched one by one up the stairs, Ivan’s limp body decaying in a coffin. It was simple, wooden, but for a pirate, it was a big deal. Most of the time, there was no way to be sent off except to be tossed over. Archie, Jim and Frenchie had gone to shore the day before, fulling expecting to be murdered when they returned.

Instead, it was pitch black, and nobody was waiting for them except for Izzy, who told them they were safe, followed by a, “You’re in your room right now, understand? Good, now fuck off”.

It may have been simple, but it served its purpose well; on any other ship, the “waste” of flowers and gold would have been laughed at, but when Fang began the preparations and the rest of the crew joined in, Izzy didn’t object.

As long as it was done in secret, it was fine. He had wrestled with himself over it, sure, lying to his captain about the chunk of missing coins one day, but what was there to say? Seeing Ivan all laid out like that had been sad. He deserved it.

Izzy had known Ivan and Fang for years now. He didn’t know if he could call them friends, really- the voice of a drunk man rang through his head, “what kind of pirate has a friend?” but it was hard to have someone there, next to you, for years, and all in one day never have it again. Maybe it was friendship. Now he’d never know.

The solemn procession reached the edge of the ship, where the casket was lowered down by a system of ropes. In the background, the strum of a guitar picked out a soft rhythm. For the first time in forty years, Izzy Hands prayed.

He didn’t know to what he was praying to. Not God, never God, but he needed to ask someone who knew better if Ivan would be okay. Something nice, like gold, not stolen, just in the ground for anyone to find. The ocean, maybe. Something purer than he was, something worthy of worship. Of love.

So he asked the ocean, head bowed, to keep Ivan safe. In the background, a noise punctured his brain- Fang’s deep wails. Fang, too, then, and this whole crew. He had to keep them safe in a way that he couldn’t keep Ivan, and for once, he wasn’t ashamed to ask for help on that. Even if the help might never help. Even if the ocean might never answer back.

For a moment, he thought it might actually work.

Absorbed in his thoughts and still leaning over the side of the ship, the view of the waves calmed him for the first time in ages. He hadn’t allowed himself to just sit and watch ever since he had sold Bonnet out. He hadn’t deserved it.

He was a fool. The spell was broken as soon as heard the heavy thud of boots make their way on deck.

“What’s all this, then?”

Ed’s voice, so casual but so threatening, rang through the air as the crew backed away from the rail like children caught red-handed, tears still streaking down their faces.

As always, Izzy stepped forward from the rest of them, saying “We’re disposing of the body, captain”.

After a moment, watching the solemn faces of the crew was too much for Ed, and Izzy knew it. He couldn’t face anything of what he’d done. His sadness was the center of the universe; he was too consumed by that to worry about anyone else’s.

Casual smile. Snort. “Well, get it done quickly then, we don’t need a whole procession”.

“Yes,” Izzy thought bitterly, “We do”.

Anger welled up inside him, which was new. He hadn’t allowed himself to feel angry at Ed in a long time, but this was different. Another image flashed through his mind, this time of Fang, cradling Ivan’s body, and Edward, walking away without looking back. Peace was all they needed. Peace was what Ivan needed. And to get that, he had to get his captain to leave.

So he used the anger, biting out a short snarl and lifting his head up,

“He deserves one, Ed, after that all the shit he’s been through”.

A glint of anger flashed in Ed’s eyes as his demeanor switched, body stilling and jaw clenching.

–

“They’re our fucking crew, Captain,” Izzy said, spitting out the word like poison in his mouth. “It’s supposed to be your job to care about them.”

Suddenly, his body was slammed into the wall, head throbbing from the impact, shoulder blades digging into the wood. Ed’s was pressed on his neck, a shark tattoo staring up at him. In his hand was a knife pressed to Izzy’s temple, with just enough pressure to draw blood.

It was too much. Too much weight on him, brown eyes glaring into his, and so much anger, radiating from every pore in Blackbeard’s body. For one of the first times in his life, Izzy was scared of him.

Just when he thought he was going to choke, the arm was released, and he doubled over, gasping for breath. In front of him stood the Kraken, panting with rage but then still, a tableau of something patience masking his features. He stroked the knife in his hand, eyebrows raised, waiting as if bored for Izzy to get up again.

As soon as his mind cleared, he straightened up, head once again tilting upward to look at his captain. He had to do this, not just for himself, but the crew, too. Before all this, when the man in front of him was angry, Izzy could direct it all towards him, absorb it all and do it willingly. Now, though, the Kraken’s anger was contagious, leaking everywhere, hurting everyone, including the people above him, and hadn’t they suffered enough?

Almost gently, the Kraken hummed, “I don’t tolerate insubordination on my ship, Iz. You know that”.

He waited for Izzy to nod, never looking him in the eyes. “Go get the scissors”.

By now, Izzy’s mind had shut down, oblivious to the world around him. It was the easiest way to get through these sessions if you weren’t thinking about them while they happened.

“Yes, sir,” he murmured, blank eyed, returning in a moment with the scissors and handing them over like an offering to a god. Without being told, he sank to his knees and took his boot off, two bloody holes now where his smallest toes used to be. While the Kraken flopped down on one of the only armchairs remaining, Izzy lifted his foot up to the stool in front of him.

#izzy hands #izzy hands apologist #ofmd #edizzy #edward teach #ofmd fanfic #izzy hands fic #kraken crew #canyon pls #i have no motivation

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tobbogan-13 · 2 months

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can yall bully me into doing my missing work

#please #help #school work #i have no motivation #adhd

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ilovecliffjumpers · 4 months

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OKAYY GUYSSS so yes I know I said I was taking a "quick" break.... BUT LITERALLY I HAVE 0 MOTIVATION TO WRITE SO THE BREAK MIGHT BE A LITTLE LONGER😭😭

#no motivation #i have no motivation #gxg #katherine pierce x you #lucy gray x reader #diana prince x reader #daisy johnson x reader #hope mikaelson x reader #kate bishop x reader #queen maeve x reader #jennifer check x reader

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iheartcanute · 8 months

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me after a long day of studying (i stared at my computer screen for 10 minutes and decided to take a 10 hour break)

#lesbian #anime #manga #vinland saga #i’m slowly going insane #i have no motivation #i’m going to fail #el oh el

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royalapocalypse · 2 years

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I hated school but it scares me how much i want to learn, i want to learn about anything and everything. Tell me about the recent book you read, tell me about the stars and tell me how to recognise the planets and the constellations, tell me about the theories of psychologists, tell me about Shakespeare and Oscar Wilde, tell me about morals and your opinions and the society and tell me about crime and norms and your favourite character, teach me latin, greek and any language you speak, tell me about random fun facts you know, tell me about norse mythology you’re so obsessed with and tell me about the greek god and goddesses you adore, tell me your favourite quotes and lines and poems and stories, tell me about mythical creatures and the multiverse and the world in your head you always seem to travel to. i want to learn about history and philosophy and sociology and criminology and science and astronomy and i want to learn about media and archaeology and architecture and design and biology and languages and law and– i want to study something the four walls of my classroom could never teach i want to learn something that is beyond the daily life.