creative mode subnautica i am invincible and my base is so pretty and there is nothing wrong with my brain

how can some people be so heartless lol

*TW for amateur surgery*

Okay. It's 1942.

There's a US submarine, USS Silversides, operating in HIGHLY dangerous Japanese waters.

And one poor bastard, some machinists mate, gets a case of acute appendicitis

They can't radio for an airlift because the Japanese will find them

But they don't have a surgeon on board.

The only medical person they have is a fucking pharmacist's mate

As in, a pill counter guy

As in, the cold and flu and small stitches guy

Not the "cut open a machinists mate on a moving submarine" guy

Not even 3 steps below that guy

But he's all they have, and if they do nothing, this guy is gonna fucking die.

So this motherfucker

Risks a court martial

To do surgery

Without an OR

With bent fucking spoons as makeshift retractors

And the patient's coworkers as assistants

He somehow miraculously fucking gives the dude spinal anesthesia, correctly

Opens the abdomen

Cuts out the appendix (somehow without rupturing it, which would have killed the guy)

Almost kills everybody with ether (because of course he does, it's incredibly dangerous for everyone in the room)

Identifies a MAJOR fucking bleed

Can't find the source of the bleed, so he *runs the bowel like a fucking surgeon*

Figures out it's a clamp that slipped

Does fucking vascular surgery to fix the bleed

Closes the guy up

And the patient fucking lives

This fucking completely untrained pharmacist's mate

Performs a major surgery

Underwater

On a moving ship

Without antibiotics

And saves a motherfucking life

(And manages the patient through multiple rounds of getting depth charged by a Japanese destroyer, because war)

The fucking patient is back on duty less than a week after the surgery.

So tip out a fucking glass to Pharmacist's Mate Thomas A Moore, who risked a murder and professional suicide

And possibly had

The biggest balls under the waves.

a list of incorrect quotes from batfam and danny's group

bruce: I don’t remember that. dick: Do you remember that night last week when you slept in a revolving door? bruce: …No. dick: Okay, do you remember when you were chased by those wild dogs for two miles? bruce: Not especially, no. dick: It was in between those two things.

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tim: Woah dude, premarital handholding? That’s just not cool or groovy.

-----------

danny: tim, we tried things your way. tim: No, we didn't. danny: I did it in my head and it didn't work.

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bruce: If you think I’m playing favorites, you’re wrong. I love all of you equally! bruce, earlier: I don’t care for tucker.

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barb: :) damian: >:( barb: Turn that frown upside down! damian: ):< barb: Not sure what I was expecting…

--------------

dani: The scariest president had to be Rushmore because he had four heads. barb: Yeah, it’s a good thing we captured him in that mountain, even if we have to live in fear of the spell wearing off. tucker: Do you two still believe in that legend? Come on, Rushmore was killed a hundred years ago! We’re safe now. bruce: You people have clearly never taken a history lesson. His body was never found.

--------------

steph: I’m the smartest, wisest person in this group. jason: Really? Then why is your hand stuck in a vending machine? steph: I paid for my Mars Bar, I’m getting my Mars Bar.

--------------

damian: Ugh, there’s always that weak bitch in the group who isn’t down with murder. damian: glares at bruce bruce: Well, sorry I have morals!

------------

bruce: That was the worst throw ever. Of all time. tucker: Not my fault. Somebody put a wall in the way.

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danny: I'm a nice person, but I'm about to start throwing rocks at people.

--------------

danny: Vegetable oil is made from vegetables, coconut oil is made from coconuts, so BABY OIL- dick: CAN'T WE JUST HAVE A NICE FAMILY DINNER FOR ONCE?!

------------

dick: I am not a whore, and, not that I’ve done the math, but, if I were, I’d be the super classy kind that gets flown to Dubai to stay in an underwater hotel.

--------

tucker: Some people are like slinkies. bruce: What? tucker: Not really good for much but bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs. bruce: bruce: Please don't push tim down the stairs. tucker, pushing tim down the stairs: Too late.

---------

tim, writing in their diary with a glitter gel pen: I'm losing my sense of humanity. Nothing matters. God is dead. There's blood on my hands.

----------------

dick: Is five a lot of followers? danny: Depends on the context. danny: On Instagram? No, not a lot of followers. danny: In a dark alley? Yes, a lot of followers.

Please allow me to break down this wakanda forever scene for my personal entertainment and the mere reason why I think it's the funniest shit I have ever seen

So we have Namor who is blabbering his sob story to a stranger foreigner surface-dweller princess he met once and who has known for a total of... five minutes, give or take. But whatever, we are on a tight schedule, on the brink of war and with the risk of being exposed any minute, plus we are trying to form an alliance with above mentioned princess and her country, that seems to be the only one to have something in common with his own, so it's fine.

ANYWAY, he has just finished unraveling his people's but especially his entire life story because he wants Shuri to understand why he has to do what he has to do, and she starts arguing back, trying to find a common ground. A peaceful solution for both parties. Which... fair. Usual diplomatic stuff. They are both making sense.

Then Shuri says THIS:

Mind you, he is a mutant god king. A mutant god king of 500 years old. He has seen and heard a lot of things, nothing should faze him that's what I am saying. And technically has the upper hand, considering he is also sort of holding her hostage (she asked to be brought there but still) and yet:

Stunned. Absolutely flabbergasted. Looks like his brain is stammering and failing to elaborate what's happening.

But Shuri keeps going, smart and confident in her ability to turn things around.

She even smiles. And that's it. He is done. Now we can actually see his braincells on the loose, helplessly scattering around. Live.

(500 years old. Let me remind you. 500.)

Then... this. Whatever this is.

1 Why are you swaying your hand around. And so dramatically. Besides, you gave her that dress.

And 2... what are you doing. Where are you looking. Please focus we are in the middle of a diplomatic meeting that could decide the fate of both of your nations for crying out loud.

But no. No no no. We are not done. If that wasn’t enough already:

Which... scary. Shuri is genuinely unnerved, like everyone with common sense would be.

He is just stating how things are. He is being serious, after all we are talking about a secret underwater kingdom that has been hidden for centuries, but no-

Look at him. He is so proud. So cheeky for having delivered this stupid joke he is probably mentally giving himself a pat on the back for having thought of it in the first place.

Look at her face. Look at her. She is a mix between "dafuq dude" and "are you for real"

GUYS IT'S HILARIOUS I COULDN’T STOP WHEEZING. HE PROBABLY THOUGHT HE DID SOMETHING. HE PROBABLY THINKS HE IS THE FUNNIEST MAN ALIVE.

I am not even gonna say anything about the fact that after her proposition he raised zero-to-none complain and/or hesitation about showing his super secret beloved kingdom that he has been going above and beyond to protect for centuries to a girl he met yesterday whom he talked to for a total of now ten minutes. Because... really.

Hey! It's me again! I have a request if you don't mind... Could you do a little headcanons with Azul dating a shark merperson? Their boyfriend/partner will be two times bigger underwater than on surface and their height on the surface is... lets just say... very tall. A little shorter than Leech twins, but still very tall. And lets add sharp teeth for them and narrow and vertical pupils. Lets give them a bad vision because if I know that correctly, sharks have a bad vision but they can sense smells well. Hmmm... and what about... I dunno like... they made a pinky promise in childhood that this shark merperson will protect Azul from bullies and Azul will be their friend forever no matter what?

If you don't like the idea, be free to decline my request!

(I'm sorry for my English I'm just usually talking in my home language and it's Kazakh so I'm sorry if I have grammar mistakes...)

The octopus and the shark

{not proof-read}

shark shark shark shark SHARK

And don’t worry dear! Your English is fine!

But, as a biologist and local shark lover, let me shill to you rq. Sharks have amazing eyesight (10x better than a human’s), can smell prey up to a mile, and can hear lower frequencies than humans, some types of sharks are protective and faithful to their partners, and sharks have somewhere between 5-15 rows of sharp teeth which equates to up to 300 teeth!

Anyway, here ya go! I went absolutely ham since you gave me so much to work with so it’s pretty long

I’ll just place this here

Have fun!

Sorry I popped off

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🐙🐬🦈🐙🐬🦈🐙🐬🦈🐙🐬🦈🐙🐬🦈🐙🐬🦈🐙🐬🦈

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Azul has known you since his childhood years. You often stayed close together since the kids at your school didn’t treat y’all well

He was a chubby little octopus while you were a tall shark, practically two times his size

You, like the tweels, were feared by other students. Your towered over many of your classmates, your sharp teeth always managed to peak out in your smile, and your huge pupils often scared other kids

Because of that, it prevented you from making many friends in elementary. Well, that was until Azul

You often protected him from bullies and the like. You didn’t really have to do much, you just stood there and growled and they’d go running like little minnows

And you only grew bigger from there. You were practically the size of a young teenager once you hit middle school and during the acceptance of NRC, you were the size of an adult shark

As you grew, as did your love for the little octopus you had called a friend for many years. Little did you know that he also felt the same. All it took was a little push from the tweels and then you ended up together

When it was time to go to NRC, you’d all have to adopt a human form in order to go. Good thing there were people willing to support merpeople living on land

On land though, your size was significantly smaller just like the tweels. You still had some good height but it wasn’t even comparable to your underwater form

Even though your height was cut from you, you still retained your sharp teeth and large pupils, though your irises were more visible so you looked somewhat human

Sadly, Azul didn’t gain any height from his transformation and he ended up needing glasses on the surface because of that. Oh well, he still looked cute to you

You and the tweels ended up acting as Azul’s “body guards” though you ended up actually garnering the title while the tweels were his “hit men” so to speak

Even though you’re seen as this big, rough, tough, mean dude, you still held your soft spot for Azul and show it as such

You love giving him little cheek and forehead kisses whenever you can. During your shift as the lounge, while he’s working on contracts, or even during the school day. Whenever it’s possible, you do it

Although Azul doesn’t show it much, he’s a big cuddler. From small hugs and hand holding to literally wrapping his body around yours, he just likes being close to you

Now, how about some events!

Azul really wanted you on his team during beans day because you were absolutely perfect. Your sheer height, you athletic ability, your amazing sight, hearing, and smell, literally his ticket for an easy win

On Halloween, you shine even more! Your appearance only adds to your costume and the scare routine they had for the magicam monsters. It honestly made it more fun

During the endless night and while Azul is being possessed by a ghost, he honestly worried about you. Were you taken as well? Did you get possessed? You were hurt? He didn’t dare think about it

Oh, the joy he felt when he finally saw you in this twisted ghost world. He did not leave your side for the rest of the night, before or even after the party

Lastly, the masquerade. Azul was absolutely floored by your masquerade look. You looked so handsome! He just wanted to spend the entire festival and party with you. Also, please help him with keeping up with the very energetic freshmen

However, once the flowers ravaged the city, he was quick to make sure that you were okay and prevented you from using your magic. If you don’t end up going with him to the tower, he will endlessly worry over you and if you end up loosing your magic. Don’t worry, you don’t because I say so

Azul always wondered how he managed to meet someone like you…

. . .

“Hey, what’cha doing?” Azul suddenly looked up from his pot, startled by the sudden voice above him.

You were above him, sharp smile and wide pupils just staring down at him. You were rather big for an elementary school boy since your head barely fit the top of the pot.

He could easily tell that you were a shark yet you showed no malice towards him like the other kids. But that doesn’t mean he’ll immediately trust you.

“N-Nothing! Go away!” The little octopus shouted. You only pouted in response.

“Aww, come on! I just wanna see!” You whined. Azul felt he wouldn’t get much done with you hovering over him so he decided to just tell you.

“Well…I-I’m learning magic.”

That was yesterday during recess. When he went back into his pot again to work, he was suddenly pushed over and pulled out of his pot.

A couple of the bullies from class stood over him, pointing and laughing at him, saying that he’d ink them if they got too close. He could easily recognize half of them. His heart hurt, he could feel the tears start pooling in his eyes

“Get away from him!!”

Someone yelled. A sand cloud formed. The bullies started screaming and running away, some were even scratched or forming bruises on their arms or faces.

When the could settled, a familiar face stood in front of him, holding his hand out to him. It was the shark from yesterday. You.

He hesitated in taking your hand, but did so nonetheless. You helped him sit up and even lifted his pot back upright.

“Are you okay? Those stupid kids, they didn’t hurt you, did they?”

The worry in your voice, the concerned look on your face…why?

“Why…did you help me?” The answer seemed simple.

“Because it’s not right for people to treat others like that just because they’re different! It’s stupid! They’re stupid for thinking that way!”

It was such a passionate answer from you.

“Thank you.” The little octopus said. You smiled, your sharp teeth and multiple rows showing. Now you didn’t seem so scary, not that you ever were to him.

“Hey, if I promise to protect you from the bullies, can we be friends?” The wonder and curiosity in your eyes charmed the octopus. Azul had no choice.

“Sure. Let’s be friends. Your name?”

“Oh! It’s…”

———

“Azul! You okay?”

Azul snapped out of his daydream. He was in his office, a small pile of contracts in front of him. You were standing in front of him, still as tall as ever.

“You were daydreamin’ again, weren’t you?” Your eyes, pupils still wide even back then, and teeth poking out like fangs, showed a concerned look on your face. You really haven’t changed.

“Oh, y-yes, I’m fine, dear. Just thinking…”

You knew what he was thinking of. As much as you knew how he wanted to forget those years of his life, you didn’t. They were a part of him. You wanted him to accept that.

“Hey, I kept my promise didn’t I? Even now as we’re older, I still intend to protect you from anyone willing to hurt you. You believe me, right?”

Oh, how could he resist your adorable face.

“Of course I do, dear. I haven’t forgotten it.”

Azul brought your hand up to his lips and kissed your knuckles before standing up from his desk. He walked around the side before facing you, letting you place small kisses on his cheek and forehead before reaching his lips.

As much as Azul wanted to continue, you both had work to do.

“Finals are coming up. It’s time for the plan.”

You nodded in response. As he grabbed the contracts and walked out of his office, you trailed behind not too far from him. You smiled. You were glad his years of hard work were being kind to him, even though he still had much to learn.

Maybe he would, one day.

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🐙🐬🦈🐙🐬🦈🐙🐬🦈🐙🐬🦈🐙🐬🦈🐙🐬🦈🐙🐬🦈

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How many times have you been thrown out of the Toto toilet museum in Fukuoka? I don't mean the showroom in Tokyo, any loud-mouthed moron can get pitched out on their ass by piping off to the salesman. It takes a true artisan to annoy the Glorious History of Pooping people enough that they decide to put you on the curb.

Usually, back home, this sort of thing would be accomplished with a poorly-maintained car. I'd roll up to the parking lot, and start arguing about some part that has dual purposes while my shitbox automobile diesels away in the parking lot. We'd bitch as the car slowly fills the air with blue as it stains the store's windows with the multitude of petrochemicals that used to – and still should – line the inside of the engine block. Eventually, the pressure of the argument would get to the person, and they'd deck me, or (better yet) call their manager to come and deck me.

Not so in Japan. They're much more polite, but realistically it's because I don't have my Volare with me. Why? They don't run so well underwater, internal combustion cars, and even the nastiest farm beater in this country is still in better shape than my finest automobile. Sure, there's a couple chickens living in this Honda Acty I found half-crushed underneath a decades-old mudslide, but they're busy eating the hornet nests in the back, so it all balances out. No, I got kicked out entirely on my own accord: by asking why the American Standard Champion Four can suck down an entire bucket of golf balls, but the $15,000 Toto Neorest 750H can't offer the same shit-devouring performance.

Bench racing, in my home country, is taken as sort of a laughable, joking kind of thing. You make fun of the other dude's Mustang, he shit-talks your Camaro, you both know in your heart that if you raced it would be pretty close. Then you can make excuses afterward. The sun was in my eyes. The shifter on these models is designed for comfort, not performance.

This kind of thing has not transferred to Japanese toilet manufacturing, let me tell you that. No sooner did I complete my insult of their Lamborghini-grade ultra-luxury toilet than a dude in a suit about twice my size picked me up with one hand, and carried me out of the museum and all the way to the airport without saying a word. I hope I haven't gotten banned from re-entry. I kind of liked that little van I was driving. Named all the chickens.

-> 𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐓.

neteyam x metkayina! reader

-> neteyam wants to talk to you so bad but he can't (ft. wingman kiri)

-> omg hey it's been a few months but i'm back and i saw the avatar movie like a few weeks ago and now i write for avatar 😋😋

only a day ago did neteyam and his family come seeking hospitality in your clan. you, at first, had no interest in them, you didn't have a problem with it like your brother ao' nung did, but you weren't thrilled with them here, unlike your sister tsireya. you were very neutral on their arrival. however after being assigned to teach them the metkayina ways did you actually have to interact with them.

you were about a half an hour late due to your training and they have already begun breathing practice. based on your own observation, you could tell it wasn't going very well. the smallest one, which you later learned was named 'tuk', was struggling the hardest, so you swam over to her first.

"are you okay?" you asked, as she coughed.

"no! breathing underwater is too hard." she complained, rubbing her eyes.

"well, you're not trying to breathe underwater, you just need to hold your breath." you demonstrated by holding your breath through your stomach and then diving down, the young girl replicated, now being able to hold her breath without coughing up a storm.

"woah, did i do it?" she asked, wiping some of the water from her face.

you nodded and you both swam back to where tsireya was, the little girl swam to her sibling, kiri; you think. you remember her when your mom pointed out her small tail.

while the groups conversed you noticed the tallest one glancing at you, as he did earlier when he arrived. you ignored it and moved on with your day.

you had just finished assisting the others in your village when you turned the corner to see ao' nung, lo' ak, one of ao' nung's friends, and neteyam all on the ground fighting, with kiri on the side laughing at how dumb they were being. which was a very warranted reaction to such stupidity.

looking down, at ao' nung's face he used all his strength to shove lo'ak off his body and stood up and walked towards you.

"these stupid freaks tried attacking me." he swore at them, you rolled your eyes and dragged him by his ear to where he was now standing next your, his friend following him.

"sorry for my brother's behavior" you began gently. "he isn't normally like this."

"it's okay, i'm sure if lo' ak controlled himself it wouldn't have escalated this far."

you nodded your head, "see you later then."

"yeah, i'll, um, see you later." he stuttered a bit.

"y-y-y-yeah i'll see you l-l-l-later!" lo' ak teased him, poking his side before being dragged away, with kiri following.

—

"why don't you just talk to them?"

"because. it's complicated, they're just so. . .i don't know." neteyam said, responding to kiri's question.

she laughed at her brother's pathetic attempt for an excuse. she didn't really see the big deal or why he was so nervous, maybe it was something she would learn later in life. you were very cool; in her opinion, so she really doesn't understand why he was so nervous and found it a bit rude that he was taking extra measures to not talk to you but also be near you at every given moment?

she walked around the village until she found tsireya; feeling lucky she didn't run into your other sibling. she was with tuk searching for pearls to put in their hair.

"hello kiri! do you need something?" she asked, moving some hair away from her face.

"nope, where's (y/n)?"

"they're near that rock over there!" tuk answered, pointing in directions of that rock.

"mm, thanks."

she walks over to you as you're fishing some lone creatures out of the water as a hunting exercise. she watches as you stab the fish and pull them out of the water and put them in a basket.

you acknowledged her and you both started to talk.

"ugh i don't even know how you can live with three other people. i can barely survive with tsireya and ao' nung." you complained, sitting down.

"dude, i don't even know how i do it." she laughed, and you were a bit confused about her sky people words but you laughed as well.

"kiri?" neteyam called to your friend.

"neteyam! we were just talking about you."

"you were?"

"we were?

"duh," she rolled her eyes before getting up, "(y/n) was asking about life back in the forest and your training."

"oh, uh, i can explain, if you, uh, want." neteyam didn't know what was wrong with him, he couldn't speak to you without stuttering like an idiot. kiri had already walked away leaving the two of you alone. this wasn't like the other moments he's had with you, he actually had to talk to you instead of standing idly next you, hoping, praying, you'd make the first move.

"yeah sure, you can sit down if you'd like." you shifted positions, creating some space on the rock for him.

neteyam quickly sat next to you and spoke of the wonders of the forest, the enormous trees that decorated the dirt floor. beautiful cool colored flowers and forest green grass that he and his siblings fell asleep on. he talked about the ikrans he flew and how being in the sky felt so free and relaxing.

"y'know talking about the forest really makes me miss home." he laughed a little.

"i would too if i lived there." you played with the water, making small waves from where you sat. "flying an ikran sounds kinda scary though, maybe it's because i'm so used to being underwater."

"it is at first, but when you finally bond it's the most special experience ever."

"your ikrans seem so loyal, how do you know if one chooses you?"

"they try to kill you."

you laughed, he just looked at you. "wait are you serious?"

it was his turn to laugh, "your turn, what's this place like."

"hm, i don't have to tell you, i can just show you. we must meet tomorrow there's a lot i want you to see." you said, as his tail wagged.

"then we will, after tomorrow's lesson."

you smiled at each other in the dim light, signaling to you both that nightfall was coming. "well i have to get going, i promised my mom i'd be back after i got kiri."

"right, well i'll see you tomorrow." you giggled, your tail slowly swaying.

you awkwardly turned around to leave, and he watched as your figure walked to wherever you needed to be. his tail began to pick up pace as well as his heart and while he tried to calm himself down, you were more happy and giddy than usual, which was an odd thing considering your neutral, unbiased personality. there was slight pep in your step as you walked towards your marui, and if someone was really paying attention to you they would've noticed but thankfully no one was at that moment.

you both went home happy that day, you because you finally made friends with the one sully kid who didn't seem to want anything to do with you and neteyam, who'd finally gotten the chance he needed to become friends (and even more) with you.

the thing about rachel animorphs being terribly characterized in all her ghostwritten books but one (and even that one is like. it's not amazing rachel narration but it DOES have the most romantic plot of all time so i forgive it*) to a degree that none of the other characters are plagued by is that to me it feels very revealing about us as a Culture bc it's like. the thing about rachel is that she is a hot blonde who kicks ass. and she's also a complex individual with many sides to her, including (i think if you read her non ghost written books and even just the slice of her narration we get before she dies in the last book this really jumps out undeniably) an extremely real and tender strain of sweetness. and this comes out in some of her scenes in books narrated by other characters. but in her own books, where she's narrating, it's like, they simply cannot understand the assignment, when the assignment is "hot kickass blonde but make her also a real person." it's like that old toast essay about getting insanely obsessed with ophelia because the alternative was admitting that a man needs to be as talented as shakespeare to write a sad girl who's also a human being except it's you have to be as good as k. a. applegate (the shakespeare of monthly mass market paperback children series) to write a girl who is hot and awesome and a human being.

*the most romantic plot of all time is that they have to acquire a beached sperm whale to go down under the water and attempt to subdue a giant squid so that the whole squad can acquire it so they can go deal with the problem on the ancient submerged spacecraft that's fucking up their allies the chee (androids created by the now extinct race of aliens who invented dogs). anyway so rachel hates water because she hates things she can't control and her coping mechanism for dealing with fear is walking into it head on so she wants to be one of the whales precisely because of how badly she doesn't want to be one of the whales (overall her characterization in this book i do think is solid, just the Tone is not quite 100% in her voice IMO), so when they're drawing straws she makes eyes at tobias to use his hawk vision to tell her what's the short straw, and he's like "no i am not going to help you drown yourself on purpose" and she makes eyes at him harder and then he's like "ugh fine" and tells her, and then he draws the other short straw on purpose even though he hates water more than anything but not for rachel control freak reasons, it's because he's a bird and the containment of water freaks him the hell out and also when he demorphs out in the ocean it's not into a shape that can, like, doggie paddle. which first of all is soooo funny and also good rachel characterization because rachel is like constitutionally incapable of thinking ahead for 5 seconds to "obviously the boy who loves me who would love me anyway but for whom i am like literally his primary tie to humanity because he lives as a red tailed hawk and spends his days perched in his trees hunting small mammals is going to insist on coming with me on the scary underwater squid mission just like every other time i have done anything ever" and also because jake gets super fucking mad at her about it which is like getting mad at a fish for swimming. but then the best part is they're down there and both spooked to hell about it because the deep sea is crazy scary and because, again, THEY BOTH HATE THIS CONCEPT SO BAD and are only here because of rachel's psychological problems and true love. and while trying to get their minds off the skin-crawling nightmare of it rachel lets it slip that some dude asked her out and they have this AMAAAZING back and forth where they're both being incredibly snotty because of how they are totally in love and also little babies who have just barely started acknowledging this to themselves much less each other which means that even though they can go on a terrifying deep sea adventure alien war side quest date they are still insanely awkward about like-liking each other. tobias learns the guy's name is T. T. and asks if that stands for total trauma and rachel's like idk what it stands for and he's like well you should find out his name if you're going out with him and rachel's like well i'm not and tobias is like oh. and then they find a squid. it's incredible. then at the end of the book T. T. comes around while rachel's at gymnastics and flirts with her again and rachel basically tells him to fuck off and he calls her "a name i've been called before" because swearing between the lines was an important part of animorphs and then tobias who is watching this whole thing from the sky is like "hey he was cute. and i heard what he called you. cute AND perceptive" and rachel's like "oh shut up (affectionate)" and they go have a flying date together. like literally when will your faves. they ARE the blueprint. sometimes i feel insane for as an adult still finding something genuinely romantic in a pairing from a 90s monthly mass market series for children, but like what other kidlit saga has ever included a tragic dreamboat boyfriend affectionately teasing his girlfriend about what a total bitch she is in a way that genuinely works as a cute thing to do because she and we both know that he literally loves her partly BECAUSE she has no problem being an asshole to people who deserve it and also is so good at killing people? like hello!!!!!!!!!

are there any cultural differences Fishman!Sanji had to figure out? not sure what theydve been but the dude was raised on a snail and then an underwater island, theres bound to be land things hes bewielderd by. he screams the first time he sees a squirrel and hates the feel of mud. he doesnt understand how anyone can like the smell of freshwater bc its so different from salt.

also zoro challenged him once to a breathholding competition. i say once because for obvious reasons he never did again

That's so fucking funny. Sanji pulling on Jinbei's sleeve while pointing at a dog and asking what that is. Also, realistically, Sanji's has to have the worst land legs. Like Sanji told Zeff he hated going on land because he rarely went on land unless it was with his dad that only happened every few months for like a day.

Also it definitely depends on the mud cuz some mud feels like the beaches but others he's just groaning at. He probably doesn't mind the smell of some fresh water, he still had to drink it to live and saltwater constantly, gotta imagine someone at a warlord meeting pat his head and cringed at the crunchy saltwater hair, like Mihawk or Crocodile passing by as they arrived and just hearing a crunch as they pat his head. Which led to after the meeting discussing the fact Sanji's hair is not that of a fishman or mermaid and has different requirements and that it needs certain products to keep it from breaking.

Culturally, I'm not sure. Sanji was still raised by a pirate who was a former slave. He treats everyone respectfully. He's used to people gawking at him calling a fishman, a warlord "dad" and just having people not really treat him well outside of fishman island so soon as he's on his own and traveling it's gotta be a shock. It shouldn't be but fuck man that's his dad ya know? It hurts for him to not be equal technically.

Also I love the idea of the breath holding contest, especially early on like on the way to Alabasta? Zoro has gotta try to make a bet with the cook and he's like "you just got into so much debt with Nami what could you possibly do?"

"I won't complain about your pack mule for the next five islands."

"And if for some reason I lose you want booze, right?"

"Yeah. And you will."

"Sure moss."

Zoro can hold his breath for two minutes which is admirable. Sanji comes up after another 30 seconds and is like "that wasn't even that long!"

"What the fuck do you mean?!"

"Watch this!" And Sanji is underwater for like 25 minutes. When he comes back up he's a little winded but not much and everyone is gawking at him and Chopper is crying because he thought Sanji drowned. Sanji makes him cotton candy to calm down.

He just says he grew up in the ocean whenever someone asks and everyone just thinks he says "on" not "in" and doesn't inquire further.

More of a move to Movie/cartoon-verse HTTYD than an actual remake

I created it only because I thought to myself "The Night Fury of the Seas" while reading. And then I thought to myself that if the Gang met one of these dudes (and didn't have a name before) they would call them "The Sea Furies" or some similar shit lol

Hiccup couldn't tame them tho.

In the process of creation, I started thinking about how to place them in my AU, and I think that some specimens could live in the vicinity of the Dragons' Nest, which is a volcano (which is located on Lava-Louts' island, which was abandoned very, very long ago. Guess why lmao).

The volcano is perforated with tunnels, including underwater ones. Female Sharkworms would swim into the underwater caves there to lay their eggs in the warm waters, where the young had a better chance of hatching and surviving long enough to survive in the sea. However, they never stray too far from the Dragon Nest, encircled by an icy sea too hostile to them. Perhaps they can sail further out into warmer climes during the short summer?

It's just an concepts for AU but have it anyway lol

One of the things I find so interesting is how Jing is so very much not what a FL’s endgame love interest, especially in an epic xianxia, looks like (I mean in terms of character and narrative, not physical looks. Deng Wei is a ridiculously handsome man, like the rest of XY’s choices.)

I wonder if that is where at least some of puzzlement over XY’s choice/dislike of Jing as endgame that I’ve seen come from.

Jing is NOT the male lead - that is Cang Xuan, XY’s cousin who she never has even a glimmer of romantic feeling or attraction to. But Jing is also not the biggest badass or most magically powerful or most ambitious or with most status or most grand gestures or most epic story or even most outsize interaction with FL (vampy took her on dates to freaking underwater with his magic while Jing got her a practical gadget to use to go underwater herself; Vampy gave up one of his nine lives to heal her; Jing was only able to preserve her body so it would not be beyond saving and also try to die himself. Vampy’s power is battle while Jing is a tracker. Jing’s love is all-consuming and devoted but it’s also quiet.)

Jing does not come out first in anything except possibly torture (tho honestly that’s a bit of an open season on that one) and abnegation for FL’s sake. I mean the three guys are (future) emperor, a legendary rebel general with nine lives and an insane amount of magic and a…wealthy merchant.

And in a lot of ways it goes against the accepted usual narrative. Of course the top alpha dog would get the FL - the biggest bestest dude!!!! There are not many dramas where FL ends up not with ML and the ones I can think of still have a guy with outsize power/not that quiet/unhinged charisma - think of Ji Chang Wook in Empress Ki for example. The closest I can think of is in The King Loves also based on a novel where FL did not end up with the royal ML but the SML, the quiet royal bodyguard (but even there Rin was the best fighter in the drama.)

And of course the other thing that reinforces this whole departure from the usual narrative and can drive frustration is if you look at the three arcs/obstacles to FL for the three men. Cang Xuan is freaking fighting and scheming to win an empire! And accepting the whole drama maxim “love is never fated for an emperor.” Vampy is literally a sworn enemy of XY’s brother and fights to restore the long-defunct kingdom. So we have a would be emperor and a rebel leader. And then Jing’s problem is getting out of his engagement to an awful woman to be free to marry XY and/or leaving his monster family and abandoning his name to follow XY. I can see someone going “that’s nothing!”

BUT!

I love the narrative for getting that to a person living it, it’s all-consuming but also sticking to its guns that who XY will end up with is not about the usual tropes but what makes sense for her as a character. And so there is a reason Cang Xuan is the ML but Jing is the endgame and she does not end up with Vampy either. Cang Xuan’s wishes and plans drive the plot but that is precisely both why Jing is secondary in the plot but the one XY picks - she wants someone who will not drive the plot because what she wants is someone she wants cottagecore life with and there is no plot in cottagecore. The very fact that all Jing yearns for and all he fights for is domestic bliss (a traditionally FL obsession) - even all his scheming to help CX ascend is because he wants to assist FL’s desires - is why she ends up with him.

As she pretty much point blank stated in 33, everyone in her life put her second to a great cause and she’s done with that. The girl does not want a man who will change the world, she wants someone who is content to live in it with her.

ETA: I keep saying it but what the audience would pick in her place remains irrelevant. I mean I would not pick any of the three myself - I don’t feel like eternally sharing my man with 100 women as anyone with Cang Xuan would have to, Vampy’s greatest desire is to perish in the fight and the lack of appeal of that as a dating quality is obvious, and with his fam, marrying Jing would be like marrying into the Manson Family. But I am not XY so here we are.

Shoutout to a few of my bloodswap Solluxes :) Infodumps about them in the Keep Reading if I formatted Tumblr Correctly. I just couldn't stop myself from writing a bunch about all of them Q~Q

I always wanna draw more of Sollux so more bloodswaps is obviously the way to go about it :)

Burgundy!Sollux - telosAutotelic

Sollux dies pre-SGRUB, and can't bring up the energy to care about anything anymore, let alone his whole red and blue schtick. Shortly after the game begins, he's "gifted" a new robot body by Equius in return for having done some extensive troubleshooting for him in the past. He's horrified to find his new metal husk has all the features wrong- the horns are wrong, the teeth are wrong, fuck, even the stupid red and blue are wrong, and he hates it so much - he had no idea he could even feel hate anymore - he only uses it when it's more efficient to be a robot than a ghost. He quite literally doesn't have the time to fuck around these days. Equius is miffed his psychological warfare to get Sollux pitch with him fails so spectacularly.

Mutant!Sollux - tacticsAllogeneics

Sollux tells everyone he has red blood, but no one believes him because that's totally not a thing. This is all according to keikaku (Keikaku means plan). Despite this, everyone seems to think he's a pretty cool dude, and so when SGRUB comes around, everyone kind of just looks to him to lead. His only experience with leading is strategy games and a few FLARP sessions. He's absolutely miserable. He ends up learning just how fucked up his friends are in the thinkpans, and it falls on him to have to try and haul their asses into being useful. It causes some ire with his friends who come to the conclusion he sees them as chess pieces rather than people, but really he just wants to get through this game without people kicking the metaphorical bucket. He's forced to play the healer in video games.

Purple!Sollux - tamedAnimus

Sollux is the descendant of one of the most notorious purplebloods of all time, who had the art of subjuggulating down to a science, and he wants nothing to do with his legacy or the church, only maintaining a few rituals out of routine habit. He's found a good couple of heretics who are pretty chill, and as loathe as he is to admit it, he wants to see them thrive. He makes a conscious effort to keep his violent highblooded tendencies in check for them, though his mood swings are both frequent and intense. One problem, a rather big one, is that he can quite literally feel the emotions of those around him, hyper-empathetic to the point where strong emotions from his peers during the game give him migraines. When things start kicking off and people start dying, Sollux acts on the fear, panic, and rage that's flooding him like adrenaline and attacks two of his friends, losing his eye in the process. When everything cools down, guilt eats him into hypervigilance, leaving him paranoid and self-destructive.

Violet!Sollux - trenchantAnglerfish

Sollux has spent his entire life deep underwater, where few seadwellers dare to live. The Continental Catfish keeps itself well fed but Nepeta has difficulty finding the thing most days, so Sollux's small army of fishbots keep an eye on it for her, tracking its movements. Because he's never gone above water, he's something of a NEET, and Nepeta is glad she can push him onto some of her friends when the game starts because he really needs to get out more. He's not the worst, all things considered; he's somewhat petty and spiteful when wronged, but this is mostly a result of his on-again, off-again relationship with Karkat, who happens to think he's a huge tool with an even bigger ego (and his best friend). The first thing he alchemizes is a pair of dark-tinted glasses for his extreme light sensitivity.

Hello hello! I hope you're having an amazing day! If not then I hope your day gets better!! I was kinda hesitant to try out your matchmaking because I've never done one before but also your blog is mainly The Outsiders and I didn't want to break the chain (if that makes sense?) with me randomly coming in asking for DC ^^. If you're not still part of the fandom that's totally okay! I'm fine with whatever fandom or can ignore!

I am a short queen standing at 5'0 😔😔. I have long black hair that goes down to my waist with chocolate brown eyes and wear glasses. I have a warm yellowish tone to my skin with a scar or two somewhere on my body either from minor surgery or being a bit clumsy 💀💀.

I like to think I'm a friendly person! When meeting people for the first time I'm very polite, though I can be a bit awkward sometimes when socializing but I do my best! With friends though I'm very silly and playful, I like to tease friends, mainly bringing up a slightly embarrassing story that I know we will all laugh together about. I'm very nice (maybe a little too much for my own good) and somewhat smart. I like to play along with the whole "aCTUalLY 🤓👆👓" skit because it gets a good giggle or two both from friends and myself. You could say I'm a bit of the mom friend? I stay observant when with friends, make sure no one is left out or if someone's having a bit of a rough day I stay mindful and check up on them if they need anything or just a simple shoulder to lean on/ear to talk to. Overall I'm a very bubbly person that likes to be silly at times! (Sorry I'm very bad at describing what kind of person I am 😔)

The things that I like: I am a very big book worm. I have a good pile of books on my desk that I absolutely adore, though they're mainly fantasy romance books (I'm a big sucker for those). I also ADORE the rain! From the sound it makes to how it smells just makes me go kind of feral. I also really love the ocean! If I could, I'd really want to just float in the deep blue or go exploring through underwater caves or shipwrecks (to live the mermaid dream 😔😔 CLEORR OH NAUR). I also do a bit of writing myself and dabble in video gaming!

Hopefully this was okay! I'm not the greatest in describing myself so I sort of just wrote down whatever was at the top of my head. I hope you have a wonderful day!! 🫶🫶🫶

No, I’m actually gonna thank you so much. I just happen to majority get outsiders requests, but I’ve been really wanting someone to try and break the chain so you’re actually doing me a huge favor dude

Your DC Universe Ship: Dick Grayson (Nightwing)

Explanation: starting off with your appearance , I think that he would be extremely attracted to you and I think that he loves the fact that that you’re short and would definitely tease you about it by lifting you up if you’re comfortable with that and just constantly making jokes about it. I think he would really love your eyes and constantly admiring them and staring into them. I think he also likes the fact that you both have pretty dark hair. I don’t know. I just feel like he would like matching with with you. he also completely relates to the Scar thing and if you ever felt insecure about them, he would definitely kiss them until you didn’t or show you his own scars to kind of tell you that it’s OK to have them. Personality wise I think that you two would get along very well because he definitely turns up the charm and is generally kind person who is also very clever and such, and I think that he would also love, teasing and teasing as his love language I mean, he loves teasing the rest of the bat and I think you guys would have a great time teasing each other. I think he would be good at setting boundaries about what he wasn’t OK with teasing him about and things like that and hopefully you’ll be good at setting boundaries as well. I think you guys could be a really healthy relationship, Which would be a good thing for him because he hasn’t had that many healthy relationships. He also really likes being silly as well and I think you guys would totally have a lot of fun together and just absolutely vibe with each other. He’s also a very observant person so I think that you two would definitely be similar in that aspect of coming from a place of helping people and noticing the small things that not everyone does. Many people think that out of the bat family Tim is the avid reader, but the truth is that everybody in the family reads. They just tend to read about their own interests like I think that Dick Grayson would highly prefer reading things like comedy and romance, and period dramas. he often gets teased for reading romance novels, but I think that he genuinely enjoys them and can understand that as long as he likes reading them nothing else really matters, including anyone else’s judgment, but as soon as he finds out that you like reading romance novels too I think you guys would that would just be one of your things that you do together and bond over it and I think you guys would have little discussions about characters and theories and just talk about how cute some characters are together and ship people, I think would be the best person to read a romance book with. I feel like he also really enjoys the rain just for the aesthetic. I also feel like he’s super grateful to have found you and being in such a healthy relationship and he’s definitely willing to work through some of his trauma so he can always improve on being a better person for you. YALL ARE CUTE I SHIP 💙💙💙

katakuri headcanons 🍩 - update (1/9)

- assessing his mother and brothers, where do his teeth come from? my thought is that his father is half fishman, as it's previously been stated that quarter fishmen do not have the ability to breathe underwater or really get much special strength--but I think an unusual mouth could be feasible. perhaps he's quarter pelican eel fishman?! that could explain why his brothers look (relatively) normal, it's just a recessive gene that falls out with the stronger human/whatever Big Mom genes are.

- his massive "house" granted to him by his mother is immaculate, spotless, spartan. this is because he doesn't live in it. he has a true living quarters hidden somewhere on komugi island that holds his some of his less grave secrets (such as his silly little hobbies and his preference of milk alternative). he's a private person so no one really goes there. only brulee knows about it, and maybe a few of his other closest siblings.

- he is 48, so he'd be pretty out of touch with the things his young siblings like. he's a humble guy so I think he'd take their "omg youre OLD" bullying in stride, and they'd love him for it. very popular with the kids AND their parents, future sight is the ultimate babysitter ability. he can stop a toddler with a safe alternative before they even think about climbing up a curtain.

- torn on wanting kids himself. he loves them, maybe he wanted them when he was younger. but his family has a lot already and he's a busy man. will he be able to care for them like he wants? how can he shield them from his mother and what she put him through? what if they are born with his face? will his child be able to live their own life without living in his shadow? it's complicated for him, and he thinks very deeply about it.

- it's pretty hard for him to keep secrets from brulee in general. they have a bit of an unhealthy relationship in that regard...they're both very protective of each other, which can make it difficult to get close to them. kata scares off anyone who looks at brulee the wrong way, shooting them a glare or worse if they dont catch the hint. brulee secretly watches anyone from her mirrors who appears to be paying too much attention to katakuri and confronts them if she suspects they're up to no good. she's a sweet woman deep down, but has learned to be a convincing witch.

- katakuri is a sucker for foods that have sweetness, and it's warped his taste buds a bit. whenever people try his occasional cooking, they're a bit taken back by the presence of sugar on everything. he watches for reactions patiently and most are too afraid to offend him, so they pretend it's good. he's a humble guy, so the typically universal praise doesn't go to his head. his brothers might have a stupid nickname for him like "sweetsteak" but he thinks they're joking.

- as for the types of foods he likes to eat besides donuts: I think he'd like bagels of the sweet variety, such as blueberry or cinnamon raisin. though not everything needs to be donut shaped. I think he'd enjoy pineapple on pizza a lot, monte cristo sandwiches, and fruity, tropical cocktails on the rare occasion he drinks. he'd also like curries that balance sweet and spicy well. doesnt really eat all that much meat but he does enjoy it baked into pastries. also see him as someone who puts an embarrassing amount of sugar cubes in his tea. like my dude. you want tea with those sugar cubes? he just keeps going. he literally does not care what you think of his food preference so no one really comments on it anymore.

- Mr power nap himself. he probably sleeps like shit cus he has to keep up appearances as Mr. Perfection, never lying on his back. but I like to think he gets a rare occasion to sleep a full night on his back and he makes a little ritual out of it. covering the windows, making sure no one can disturb or find him, pulls out his favorite book and reads it in its entirety before hes able to fall asleep the normal way...maybe putting brulee on guard duty. but don't ask me if he wears the matching jammies and hat set. I can't clown on him that hard today

- wears gloves cus he's a serial nail picker. originally thought he would be a nail biter but like...his teeth seem a bit extreme for that? i can't imagine him really putting his fingertips at risk like that, so I think he'd be the type to pick at his nails when nervous. the gloves help with that quite a bit, and have an added bonus of protecting his palms from his heavy work schedule. his hands are pretty soft.

- smells kinda like mochi residue, which is to say he smells like rice flour. he also smells like leather and steel, and perhaps a waft of vanilla or strawberry depending on the pastry crumbs he accidentally dropped in his scarf that day. it's a very floofy scarf and he doesn't really take it off so sometimes he gets a bit of food in it. has to wash it daily, probably has a bunch of backup scarves.

thanks for reading 🫡💓 and double thanks to all of the people who've rambled on and on with me and helped contribute to my headcanons about him, or have posted some of their own that I came across and agreed with! I love this character very very much so i always have a lot of fun thinking about little things like this.

- he has acquired a lot of stupid donut decor over the years, thanks to his closer siblings that know his love of donuts. his secret little house is absolutely littered in it. he doesnt really buy this stuff himself, his taste is a bit more punk rock. one year he did get a pretty cool donut-patterened Tiffany lamp that he has by his couch. but most of the time, an easy Christmas gift for kata: donut socks. Peros gets him a different color every year. he's not really that into it, but he appreciates the thought...

new below added 1-9 (about his height, about traveling)

- he is a very tall person, though not giant sized. thankfully, the one piece world is rather kind to folk big and small. it's not any trouble to find the correct size of most items, especially in tottoland. you'll find a variety of specialty stores catering to folks of small and large sizes, and some areas even have districts concentrated around small and big folk with appropriately portioned cuisines. clothes come in a wide variety of sizes even at the smallest of boutiques. although the clothes of many of the charlotte siblings have a certain flair that scream custom made, kata being no exception...

- his size becomes more difficult when he's traveling abroad, and tends to stick to the ships quarters as a place to rest when outside of his home. he's not one to rent out a place, as it is troubling to find accommodations that suit his many needs (including absolute privacy). he would probably rely on his own mochi abilities to generate shelter before ever agreeing to stay in a stranger's abode. he feels moderately comfortable in his personal ships quarters but his typical form of comfort is most often found on the deck, leaning against the mast with a watchful eye on the horizon.

- his duties as minister and commander, as well as his travels as a child with the Rocks Pirates, have brought him to many places. given that his mochi merienda shrine has wano-style architecture, it is not utterly out of left field to think that he has even visited a secluded place such as Wano in the past. while his job and family is rather isolating, he has still experienced a good number of unfamiliar cultures and cuisines. I think that he has traveled less in the latter half of his life but still holds onto some of those memories and would like to go back to the places he went when he was younger.

I'll probably continually update this with new HCs when I get bored 💕

naturally, please take these all with a grain of salt! it's fine to disagree, these are just how I personally see him.

Help! Everyone Can See My Tiddies, And By My Tiddies, I Mean Somebody Else’s Tiddies

The Ethicist, New York Times, 15 November 2022:

I’m proud of my wife and her breastfeeding of my son — I am so glad that they have been able to experience the bonding and health benefits that come with breastfeeding. My concern arises from the fact that my wife has posted photos online of her breastfeeding. These are not photos where everything happens to be conveniently covered up. You can see it all. I understand that my wife’s Instagram accounts are “private,” in that only connections/followers can see posts. These people range from family members, close friends of hers, close friends of mine, acquaintances and business contacts. I have asked her about the photos, and in particular what the thought process was behind posting them. She said that breastfeeding is something she is proud of and wants to share with her contacts.

I can’t claim that I understand the psychology behind posting such things on social media. To me it seems rather show-offy. But it’s part of our culture now, and I don’t need to understand it. I support efforts to normalize breastfeeding in society, but this feels like a step too far. That my friends and family are able to see such explicit photos of my wife makes me uncomfortable. But that alone would not be enough for me to push the issue. My major concern, which I raised with my wife, is that one day our son will be going to school, and school kids can be mean. Is it fair for those photos to live on accounts where parents of other children at the school, connected to my wife, could see the photos? Could this expose our son to unnecessary bullying? My wife’s response is, “Let’s discuss it with our son when he is old enough, and we can make a choice then.” My gut tells me that it would be more appropriate to remove the photos now, and when our son is old enough to discuss the matter with us, they can be posted with his consent at that time. What do you think? Name Withheld

Before we get to anything else: can we just take a moment to celebrate you for once? Because not everyone on earth would be proud of his breastfeeding wife, but you definitely are, and for that, my good sir, you deserve a major award. Humanity has achieved a number of feats over the millennia -- rescuing children from underwater caves, traveling to space, developing antibiotics -- but nothing quite captures our incredible capacity for goodness like a dude who just really thoroughly approves of his wife’s decision to breastfeed. Love to see a man who isn’t so cowed by “our culture” that he’s forced to hide how absolutely fine he is with children eating food.

But it’s “our culture” that is the problem, isn’t it? Sure, there’s nothing wrong with breastfeeding -- as you so eloquently said yourself, it has some upsides that you are gracious enough to be publicly supportive of -- and sure, it’s not a bad idea to normalize breastfeeding, but there’s a line, isn’t there? Surely your wife can find a way to normalize breastfeeding without showing her loved ones how she does it? She’s just over here like, “I’m proud of this and I don’t care what people say?” Feminism has really gone too far. Sure, every woman could use a little more pressure to do something different or better based on what other people think is best or what makes other people more comfortable, but mothers need a triple-dose these days, and your wife is a primo example. Normalizing breastfeeding is great! But there is such a thing as too normal. We can’t just make breastfeeding so normal that people just feel totally comfortable taking pictures of themselves while taking care of their children! What’s next? Universal child care?? Paid parental leave?? STUDENT LOAN FORGIVENESS??????

One appreciates that you’re worried about the very real possibility that, ten years from now, a child from your son’s school will go digging through his parents’ Instagram accounts looking for your wife’s profile and scroll backwards through a decade of her posts to identify his classmate as a baby and alert the local children. Sounds exactly like every fifth-grader I know.

But your concerns are misplaced.

It’s sweet that you’re willing to be so accepting of your wife literally keeping your baby alive by feeding it -- it really does show what a bold, forward-thinking man you are -- but it seems like you’re going out of your way not to name the elephant in the room. Or, really, the two elephants in the room. More aptly, the two elephants on Instagram: tiddies. Your wife is behaving as if her breasts, somehow, belong to her? Let’s just say what we’re all thinking: What is your wife doing putting your tiddies out there on the internet for everyone to see? It would be one thing if she were, as you note, “covered up” in such a way as to obscure literally everything about what she’s doing (a great way to normalize behavior!) but you said it yourself: “you can see it all.” And by “it all,” you mean your personal breasts! Just on display! Willy-nilly! “Show-offy,” if you will! 

It’s time to sit the little lady down for a serious discussion about her life choices -- not breastfeeding, breastfeeding is amazing! could not possibly be more supportive of breastfeeding! make no mistake! -- and ask her if she really thinks it’s appropriate to flaunt her benevolent master’s mammarial property all over the internet. There is a point after which a man must put his foot down to protect his own bodily autonomy -- you cannot allow your wife to just flop your jugs out there all over the internet, showing off Daddy’s fun bags to every Tom, Dick, and Harry! What right does she have to free your nipples? Sweatergod, it’s like one day women were permitted to open credit cards in their own name and then the next day they just lost their entire fucking minds.

Perhaps when your wife gets a little bit older, she will better understand what it means to post photos of her husband’s breasts on social media without his consent.