Tumgik
#bat fam
ao3sbatfamily · 16 hours
Text
(Restricted) 'The Classic Shenanigans of Two Idiot Boys In Love' by MashpotatoeQueen
Author: @mahpotatoequeen
“I’m not going anywhere, you know. We’ll get through this, just like we got through everything else. I mean- we’re not that interesting, right? The press will move on from us eventually.”
He can hear Tim breathing, breathing, in and out, in and out.
“Right. Right. This will all blow over. I’ll put out a statement, we’ll lay low for a little while, something more important and flashy will distract them and then everything will go back to normal.”
“Right.”
A moment of silence.
“Kon, what if Bruce tries to give me The Talk? Shit, Kon, Batman, he’s Batman, Batman might want to talk to me about the Birds and the Bees, Kon- ”
He struggles to keep a straight face, stares up at the blue ceiling, and says, in his best proximity of Batman’s voice, “They’re disappearing at an alarming rate.”
75 notes · View notes
angel-bitch-boy · 2 months
Text
Dick pushing thirty is forever funny to me. I imagine he pouts in the corner anytime Damien or Jason jokingly call him "old man"
Once during a particularly stressful mission he came back and took a shower only to notice a single grey hair amongst the black. He was basically that scene in howls moving castle where he threw himself on the nearest surface and wallowed until Kori had to reassure him he was still young.
He works on a mission with Bruce and is beaming when an officer comes up to him and he's expecting a "thanks kid" like the old days or maybe a "hey bro" in solidarity but the officer just shakes his hand and says "thank you sir"
Dick cries for a week.
9K notes · View notes
lingi-15 · 4 months
Text
Tumblr media
I guess someone might already draw this before,but still want to try it anyway 🤣
6K notes · View notes
fleur-dans-la-nuit · 1 month
Text
Jason, to Bruce: Oh just so you know, it's very muggy outside
Dick, smirking: Yeah, now that you mentioned it, I noticed that too
Bruce: …
Bruce: I swear, if I step outside and all of our mugs are on the front lawn...
Tim: *Loudly sips tea from a bowl*
3K notes · View notes
fallen-jpg · 6 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
i saw some met gala restroom selfies and thought they felt very batfam. and i already drew them in suits so
bruce is still a no-show. they are going to give him so much hell when he does arrive
the selfie inspirations: 1, 2, 3
6K notes · View notes
wetsandmemories · 6 months
Text
alfred is so fucking real for that
Tumblr media
7K notes · View notes
msfcatlover · 1 year
Text
Thinking back to that one post about how every batkid needs to pick a persona they get to swear in. I would like to expand it.
Dick swears all the time, but he does it in other languages. He picks a language for each persona to swear in and sticks to it. He did still do his whole “Aw, fiddlesticks!” routine as Robin, mainly just to watch everyone’s faces when he did it. (But everyone remembers the time Robin’s leg was broken and he just screamed “FUCK!” so loud that the entire battlefield turned around in shock.)
Jason knew that thanks to classism, people would assume he swore even if he didn’t. So like, why bother restraining it any more than he absolutely had to? As Robin, he didn’t swear even when he really wanted to, though sometimes he slipped up when caught off-guard or when chatting with someone who knows him in both identities. (On one very memorable occasion, Robin got so mad he actually shoved his fist into his own mouth to muffle the screaming rant of obscenity he needed to express.)
(As the Red Hood, Jason doesn’t really give a fuck, but he still falls back into his old habit of cleaning up his language when in costume. It’s very funny to hear him say something like, “Well, golly! You’ve gotta be shitting me.”)
Tim Drake is a proper young man who doesn’t swear, even when he’s hurt (he has totally stolen that biting-my-fist move from Jason.) Robin swears like a fuckin’ sailor all day every day, to the point where not a single goddamn hero in the entire caped community that has ever worked even adjacent to him has not heard, “Ask me if I fucking give a shit,” muttered under Robin’s breath directly into the com line when someone tries to correct him on something. He will switch languages to insult you in the one you best understand, too. His friends have a running bet about how many of those languages Robin actually speaks, versus how many he just learned how to cuss people out in (when asked, Robin just smirks and says, “How fucking many do you [always a swear from a different language, usually one they haven’t heard before] think?”)
Damian mostly sticks with old-timey faux-Shakespearean insults, mainly because it’s very funny when adults can’t figure out what to punish him for when he sasses them. As Robin, Damian likes using animals in place of swears, and just telling people to go fuck themselves—it keeps them on their toes.
Steph does not fuckin’ care.
Duke canonically swears both in & out of costume, and I love that for him.
10K notes · View notes
Text
Tumblr media
IM DYING everyone's are just really good realistic portraits and then there just (Tim?) whyd he do (tim?) like that🤣😭
7K notes · View notes
24hrsoda · 11 days
Text
Tumblr media
he likes the feel of soft feathers
2K notes · View notes
Text
Tumblr media
brothers: can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em
1K notes · View notes
ao3sbatfamily · 3 days
Text
'Bad Blood' by Batmandaspandas
“The message was a text message sent from Clark Kent’s personal phone to Bruce Wayne's personal phone.”
If Bruce thought he was pissed before, he is even more pissed now. A personal text message ?! There better be not even a hint of classified information in that text.
“Bring it up.” Bruce growls, his anger evident in his tone.
Alfred brings up the message and everyone is silent as they read it.
Hey B, was wondering if we could meet and catch up, I know it's been awhile. Just some mutual friend drama that I know you’d be able to solve much quicker than me. Let me know when you're free.
“Is this some kind of specific code or did Clark just become dumber after I died?” Jason blurts out.
41 notes · View notes
Text
Tumblr media
29 notes · View notes
pinkiemachine · 8 months
Text
Part 3!!! Let’s GOOOO!!!
Tumblr media
Sorry if these haven’t been uploading in better quality. I saved them in HD, but for some reason, every time I upload somewhere, it gets a little fuzzy. It’s worst on Pinterest smh
5K notes · View notes
coloredsnowo · 2 years
Text
batfam au where bruce is just purely Brucie Wayne, and all his kids are secretly vigilantes (he is utterly clueless)
After he adopts dick
Dick: *trying to sneak out the window*
Brucie: “Dick my son, where are you off to on this glorious evening”
Dick: “erm. a party.”
Brucie: “have fun I hope you ‘slay’ 🥳
Dick “haha.. yeah” *jumps out the window*
Jason-
Jason: *also trying to sneak out the window*
Brucie: “Are you also a party-boy like your brother?”
Jason: “No Im going to go beat people up”
Brucie: “So youve gotten your brothers sense of humor ^v^”
Tim-
Brucie: “Tim why do you never get any sleep?? I’m worried”
Tim: “I’m. Studying for AP exams.”
Brucie: “still you need to sleep :(”
*tims watch buzzes*
Tim: “Haha!!! I need to. go study with Dick and Jason now. bye Bruce”
Brucie: “At this point I’d rather you constantly going out to parties like they did”
Damian-
Brucie: “Dick I cannot believe you have been taking your 8 year old brother out until god knows when?????”
Damian: “Father we ar-“
Dick: “YES BRUCE IM SORRY FOR BEING SO IRRESPONSIBLE AND LETTING A CHILD GO OUT AT NIGHT. NO REASON A CHILD SHOULD BE GOING OUTSIDE.”
Brucie: “Alfred I feel like my kids are keeping a secret from me…”
*moment of silence*
Brucie: “No theyd never keep anything from me. my darling children.”
(comms)
21K notes · View notes
fleur-dans-la-nuit · 1 month
Text
Damian: Here’s a fun Christmas idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it.
Dick: Damian, no.
Jason: Mistlefoe.
Dick: Please stop encouraging him.
3K notes · View notes
tesalicious2 · 1 year
Text
Gothamites are just a different breed of people. They literally could not give a single f*ck about anything. There attitude is ‘eh, not impressed’ mixed with ‘been there don that’ and ‘try harder’.
It’s bad but no one knows how bad until they move there. I’m convinced everyone who lives in Crime Alley has had there parents/grandparents live there, while the less dangerous parts of Gotham see more new faces. They don’t stay long but they pop up.
Batman doesn’t let the Justice League to Gotham and I think that’s fair. They are all to bright and happy. Everyone is so angsty it’s amazing. He doesnt let them in for their own protection. Mostly since they all thinks he’s dramatic. But he knows that that relaxed manner is going to get them hurt.
The only vigilante that has zero haters (besides criminals) is Red Hood. Like, he control the most dangerous part of Gotham every night, walks kids/girls/teens/anyone-who-asks home, regularly buys food for the homeless, reads to kids at the library at night/near closing, stops robberies, sometimes teaches people self defense, and tries to be really quiet bc the walls are thin.
Either him or Signal bc he’s a daytime hero and everyone loves him. Nice, new, and will help out work the mundane stuff.
That being said, the rest are liked too but so have their haters. Despite this, there are websites and videos of them all doing cute and funny stuff or the gothamites doing nice stuff for them.
There is a video of someone giving Spoiler an umbrella, she returned it the next day. Someone managed to find everyone and give them their own hand sewn plushies, and their reaction.
Mostly starting with them on a rooftop of a building, a person calls out. “Yo! (Insert name)! Come here real quick!”
They go over and the person pulls out the plushie.
Batman: *stares for a moment* thank you. Did you make this? The workman ship is amazing.
Nightwing: awwwww! This is so nice, thank you!
Red hood: imma admit it, this is the greatest moment of my entire life. Now, you are in a very bad part of Gotham and need to get to bed. I’ll walk you.
Red Robin: i adore this. I will keep it with me till I die.
Robin: *brain cannot compute* Umm…Thank you very much. Honestly, no idea what to say right now
Spoiler: AWWWW, my first fan anything! I love this! Do you have an Instagram or something? I have to follow you! Let me buy you food!
Black Bat: *squished it once, looks up, Higgs it to her, then motions to hug the creator, they hug*
Signal: ummm, thank you? ive never had to deal with this before. I love it so much! Thank you!
(Can’t believe o forgot Batgirl)
Batgirl: This is so sweet! Thank you! *gives the biggest hug known to man*
8K notes · View notes