A couple of days I had this overwhelming urge to talk about shit, so that happened. It was a good thing, maybe, and I’m #thankful for all your love and support. Anyone who said, “Things you wrote have helped me”—that’s why I write about personal things, like mental health and being bipolar as well. That’s entirely why. I truly believe that I am not alone in any human experience I have had, and I hope you can feel like that, too.

I realized that I did, in fact, talk about being bi here in 2015. I have no memory of this at all; I think it says a lot about the last 6-7 years that I didn’t even remember a time when I felt like I could say that.

So the post on Monday might have been superfluous after all, but I cried while writing it, so I guess that tells you I needed it. I’m not a crier, is the worst of it. I cry like three times a year. My backed-up Tear Concentrate burns like xenomorph acid. I don’t care for that shit at all. But it was kind of a good cry? Emotions, why do we have them.

As a point of interest, I still didn’t know I was sapphic bi when I was angry about the LGBT storylines in NBC’s 2013 Dracula series, which I recapped for a while. I was especially furious about Lucy’s bisexual “let me come out to Mina so she can throw me out into the street” arc, and I’m seeing some things about myself in the rearview mirror there. Also I will never forgive the show writer who was congratulating himself for having “real” storylines about how difficult it is to be LGBT, which included the horrible deaths of a gay male couple. Fuck off. We don’t need your “help.”

I absolutely did know when I was raging about The Magicians (when was this, 2019?). I believe I even said I was bi in the post about that, but talking about myself wasn’t the point there, and I don’t know how many people saw it. Those show writers, also, can fuck off into the sun, and I hope the sun tells them to fuck off as well.

I don’t know that I’ve ever been this blunt, this harsh about how angry I am. I’m usually very diplomatic. But this shit has consequences. I don’t cry often, but I cried in 2014 at the realization that I “couldn’t” be “normal” and straight, in the year before I came to love being normal and queer. Stories like Lucy’s are, subconsciously, why I would cry like that, why I would feel horrified at the idea of being myself. (Which I will write about later.) And that’s just the small way media effects me. We are seeing, in real time in the US now, the rippling consequences of insisting ever more hatefully that LGBTQIA people don’t get to be happy. As far as I can tell, media is crawling towards being better in the last few years. I wouldn’t know; I don’t invest much of myself in TV anymore.

I did not intend for this to be an angry post, but here we are. Maybe that’s why it feels different and even necessary to go through all of the “did I mention I’m queer” business again seven years later. I’m here and I’ve gone feral about it. Being angry right now feels like community. Wrath Month.

I am going to keep writing about some of the things I thought and went through during the year(s) I was figuring this out, because I think these experiences were weird and absurd—and recognizable. This is my blog now, welcome to hell. And happy Thanksgiving.

There's something I wish we talked more about...

Everyone likes wondering about how the big "Lamiroir is actually Thalassa Gramarye and Trucy and Apollo are her kids" reveal would affect our oblivious pair of half-siblings. But I noticed that a grand total of NO ONE thinks about how certain other characters would also take the news. Mainly in Apollo's Khura'in family. (There will be SoJ spoilers below)

Let's start with an easy one. Datz.

He already knows Apollo (as "AJ"), and it looks like he meets Trucy when saving Apollo and Dhurke from the undersea cavern. Obviously a generally fun-loving fellow who I bet would happily call Trucy an honorary Defiant Dragon if he caught wind of her being Apollo's sister. Doubly so when remembering she managed to stow away in Edgeworth's luggage to reach Khura'in. (Rule-breakers need to stick together!) He'd probably also assign her some kind of nickname like TW or something, and consider himself her new uncle. He also seems like the only one crazy enough to willfully be Trucy's magic assistant/guinea pig, which would spare Apollo and Athena.

Then comes Rayfa, our dear crown princess.

While not as emotionally invested as her brother (and we'll get to him), it would be a surprise to learn that "Horn Head" has a little sister. And it just so happens to be the girl with the strange blue hat who was watching from the gallery during the trial that got Ga'ran deposed. While a bit upset that she never really got to talk to her back then, Rayfa would be fairly alright with seeing Trucy as a sister of some kind... and discuss with her the ways of pestering both of their brothers all in good fun.

Of course, Trucy would be over the moon to the mere idea of calling Rayfa her little sister, especially when she's a literal princess on the road to being queen. Their personalities could bounce off of each other surprisingly well, and maybe Trucy can help Rayfa swallow enough of her pride to actually call either of the boys "brother." And thanks to Phoenix's connections to Maya and Pearl, Trucy knows other spirit mediums who might be able to help Rayfa in her training.

And now we get to someone with a bit more... complicated stake in the matter, and honestly the meat and potatoes for this whole post: Nahyuta.

Being completely honest here, I think our dear Last Rites Prosecutor would take this news as a complete slap in the face. "Let it go and move on" mantra be damned, he'd basically be told "Hey, remember your first case against Apollo? With that magician girl you tried to get convicted for murder who turned out to have been framed? Yeah, she's actually your brother's sister, which also kinda makes her your sister by proxy. You unknowingly tried to get your own sister condemned for murder and quite possibly put on death row." (Since, y'know, capital punishment's still a thing in Ace Attorney L.A.)

Even if we almost never see our Not Guilty defendants hold a grudge against the prosecutors, Nahyuta's entire deal in Spirit of Justice was doing everything he possibly could to protect his baby sister and his mom, being unnecessarily harsh with the defense and the accused in the process. So finding out that he tried to condemn someone who could be considered part of his family on a false charge wouldn't be without consequence. (Turnabout Revolution only proved that because of his parents' direct involvement.)

Undoubtedly, he'd see fit to apologize to Trucy personally upon learning about her being Apollo's little sister, and would do so at his earliest convenience. But we can all be certain that she'd gladly accept him as another big brother regardless of any perceived "past transgressions." There would be hugs involved, I'm sure, and Nahyuta would be able to... possibly bring out the protective and caring big brother he was supposed to be from the very beginning.

Side note: Y'know this here lightning thing you see with Amara when she gets mad? And also Dhurke's dragon glare when he goes Mad Dad on Paul Atishon?

I get the feeling Nahyuta would inherit either or both of their little tricks to some extent when his big brother instinct REALLY kicks into high gear.

I have circus au brainrot but I don't want to draw so here I am making quick notes instead.

Rapunzel.

You would think aerial dancing is made for her, but no. She is the make-up artist, the costume maker, she even makes props and decors when its needed. Basically everything crafty, she'll happily do it. And she loves it because she gets to assist all of her friends and let her creativity go everywhere. I think she used to be an aerial dancer but the spotlight is not where she wants to be, she got to leave her old circus to make a new one with Eugene and her friends and she is much more happy now.

Eugene.

He is the ringmaster! He's eloquent and captivates the audience with ease. Plus he is quick to think and knows how to deal with unforseen events when needed. He also knows plenty of fun tricks he likes to show off when performers are building their set ups.

Lance.

He is an animal trainer. I just think he'd be neat as one- he is never alone on stage and put everyone (human and animal alike) at ease. He also knows how to make an entertaining scenes featuring all of the pets. He sometimes assists other performers with one of his animal companion.

Cassandra.

I genuinely think she could do anything- but I really want her to be an aerial artist too, except she specialises in trapeze! And maybe she even did duos with Rapunzel at some point. She genuinely changed trapeze partners so much (Rapunzel, Andrew, Zhan Tiri, etc..) now she is much more at ease being solo.

Varian.

He's an illusionist, sometimes called magician but he's more about illusions. He loves making up new tricks and building his own props. His whole act has steampunk vibes and he has a mad scientist persona. Sometimes Ruddiger gets to be his assistant.

Yong.

He's a juggler who specialises in pyrotechnics. His work is very impressive despite his young age and his friends always need to remind him to not overdo it. He enjoys using his own mistakes in his acts, and will fake small accidents to shock the audience.

Hugo.

He's a contortionist, escape artist, and many other things. He is a man of many talent and he could probably do a whole show just by himself or so he says. He sometimes assist Varian in his act since he's the only one who can hide Anywhere. His act is also very steampunk and his persona is some sort of mechanical puppet.

Nuru.

She's an aerial dancer who mainly use silk. She was a huge Rapunzel fan and picked up the art because of her, so when she got the chance to join the troup she took it! Rapunzel gives her pointers and advices on her performance from time to time. Nuru's act is space themed.

That's about all I have for now •3•

Glorious masquerade interlude:ms raven having to deal with a conspiracy theory that came out of nowhere the whole time while rollo later goes mad

[Related Posts: Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6]

Sooo the progression for the conspiracy theory (running concurrently with the events of Glorious Masquerade) sounds like this?:

Raven gets sent to the symposium along with the other 14 (I’m including Grim, Yuu, and Trein in this count), perhaps as a representative of the headmaster? Noble Bell College should also prepare a unique masquerade outfit for Raven--

She meets and greets Rollo. “You are... Crowley-dono’s niece, correct? It is an honor to host such an esteemed guest.” Raven feels like she should be flattered, but Rollo’s gaze lingers for a little too long for her liking.

She has a fun time exploring the city and learning about its history and culture! I think she’d focus a lot on local folklore and stories, as well as the cuisine and the rare flowers (she can pluck a few to experiment with while brewing new enchanted ink colors).

The entire time, she feels like someone’s watching her (wait, is that Sebek and NBC’s student council president staring at her from behind a convenient brick wall?!). (Like, maybe the topic of Raven came up when Rollo met up with Malleus’s group for a brief tour; then both Rollo and Sebek got sidetracked trying to see if Malleus and Raven are secret distant relatives 😅)

While the NRC boys get involved in a festive dance, I think Raven would feel more comfortable observing. She doesn’t like to get too involved in these kinds of showy events; that’s when Rollo can pull her aside for a little chat (probably misreading her introversion as disapproval of using magic in this way). You know, ask about her lineage, as well as get her opinion on the use of magic for such frivolities as a celebration.

Raven could explain a little about herself, like how she used to be a regular bird without the confidence to channel any magic of her own--and now that she has a ‘proper’ body, she can experience a lot of things she wasn’t able to before, including making new friends (with the NRC kids). In a way, those new experiences are like “magic” to her, so she’s content as she is.

I’d imagine that this is kind of a shock to Rollo (but in a slightly different way than how he found Yuu’s answer shocking)? Maybe he gets it in his head that she would be better off without magic too, returned to her natural environment instead of stuck in the “bird cage” that is NRC. Maybe he thinks of her as a kindred spirit, someone who might be able to understand his perspective (especially upon hearing her start off with “meeting people is magic in of itself”; implying she could be happy without having magic itself). But why is she like this? Why would she willingly go inside the “cage” of NRC, allow magic into her life? Why would she find happiness in it, find happiness among magicians? Rollo cannot understand it, and that frustration only adds to his sinister ambitions. (At this point, he could assume Raven and Malleus are related, because perhaps a family member would want to defend another family member? In that case, he’ll have to be rid of Raven as well.)

And then when Rollo finally reveals his plot to everyone and Idia + Ruggie suggest “every man for himself” 🤔 I can see Raven joining Trein in shaming them (since the RSA boys sacrificed themselves).

When they decide to stay and fight back, I can see Raven wanting to help but some people not taking her seriously. Sebek would probably act all high and mighty, demanding to know what skills and abilities she has to offer that qualify her as a tactician or a warrior.

An argument ensues, but Malleus cuts in to basically tell everyone (but mostly Sebek) that they need to take everything they can get, else he will never be able to exact his revenge on Rollo for deceiving them. Because it’s his lord commanding him, Sebek has no choice but to relent. I’d like to think that Raven is able to say something to inspire confidence as well.

We don’t know where the story goes beyond part 3 right now, so I won’t go into detail about what Raven exactly plans... but Sebek could have an epiphany while they’re having the discussion (Raven at the helm and/or being a major contributor to it), realizing that she has some leadership qualities similar to Malleus. He wonders if he’s just imagining it or if it’s a sign that Malleus and Raven share blood--

“There’s no time to waste. We must stop Rollo-san before the crimson flowers engulf all of Twisted Wonderland.” Raven looks to him, her expression dark. “We need you, Sebek. Do not let us down.”

His next words come out reflexively. “Yes, milady!” He wonders if it is the ties of blood or the ties of their bond that inspires the people to act—or perhaps it doesn’t matter, for their souls shine all the same.

Next Major Life Change 🏃🏻‍♀️ - April 2024 - Taurus

Meditation: A machine was throwing tennis 🎾 balls at you, and you’d never done this before, so these things were rapid-firing and hitting you left and right, you kept bouncing back and forth, and saying “ow”, trying to dodge and getting hit by another one - over and over again. It took an entire day, but by the end of it you’d created a system or sorts…maybe not hitting every single ball, but definitely more than you started with.

What It Is: Uncovering Treasure 🐉, Surrendering to the Journey 🚊 (bottom), Time, 7 Swords rev, Queen of Pentacles, Judgement, Justice rev

“Beneath the surface lies great bounty.”

“Release control.”

“Time can be seen to be both linear and a spiral - circle back to explore concepts from the past and create the future.”

You’re having an awakening of sorts, especially when it comes to people in your life…maybe you’ve just outgrown. It’s coming to light how others have misjudged you, or you’ve given endless chances to people that don’t deserve it, there’s no equal balance in these connections. That’s going to change because you’re going to see it very clearly. For crosswatchers, it’s possible it’s the Taurus that’s misjudged you/others, or you could be dealing with a Capricorn, heavy Cap energy here. I’m hearing “time heals all wounds” which is subjective tbh, but time plays a role in these connections - whatever kinds they are, any. Uncovering Treasure shows both that you are discovering your worth, owning it, celebrating it, and at the same time could be realizing you’ve been stingy - like the dragon 🐉 on this card. Hoarding your time, money, affection, love, forgiveness possibly, or someone else has. Whatever this is moves in tandem with someone else, maybe several others, and someone is waking up to their bs - however you’re involved. Or you are. Release control is clear, but may also show this being kinda outside of your control anyway, for some it’s not even you dealing deeply with it - someone else’s experiences causes an awakening for you. It’s karmic 🙏 or several of them are. You haven’t made clear-cut decisions before because you haven’t really known where the pieces have fallen & where people stand. Are they for you or against you? You’re not cutting off heads for no reason. I don’t see that changing, you’re just moving in an entirely new direction and leaving it behind 🤷‍♂️

Why It’s Happening: The Magician, 10 Cups, The Fool, Direction, Achievement (Sun Capricorn), Organization (Mercury Capricorn)

“Switch gears, reboot, and try a new and different direction.”

Where you’re the one being judged - it’s because you’re creating a life that’s everything you’ve ever wanted, you’re fulfilled and happy with how things are going. If you’re not at 10 Cups yet, that’s the path you’re on & you have nothing to worry about. So people are triggered, how dare you be happy. Achievement and Organization can show career success specifically, money coming in, it’s like you spontaneously decided “fuck this” with whatever you were doing before - and it’s heading somewhere great, fast. You know exactly what you want, and you must have a sense of the hating bitches in the background, because you’re not asking for advice, or involving people at all. Unless they’re your 10 Cups, close family, your immediate people. Everyone else, who tf cares? Not a Taurus 💯 Are they paying your bills…no? Be mad 😆

If you’ve misjudged someone, they may have ran off and cultivated a happy life for themselves, while you were the one in Devil energy, acting possessive or holding onto grudges, trying to hold on to them. Maybe just being judgy af. One/other/both are here. New directions on all sides are positively favorited, and much is out of your control, or theirs, Spirit has a hand in these directions everyone is heading in, and Judgment is screaming Pluto to me, you’re in the thick of a major life shift - along with all of the fixed signs. It won’t be an overnight thing - but a process of awakening.

Advice: 6 Cups with Fox 🦊 rev and Gift 🎁 rev, The World, 4 Cups, Discrimination - separately, The Devil, 4 Pentacles & Secrets

“Conceal plans and actions from those not ready to accept you as you are.”

Because Secrets are here, most of you probably have hating ass people from the past around, 6 Cups, and it’s not your concern. Fox rev & Gift rev shows snake-like people, deceivers, smooth talkers, jealous and facetious people you’ve had around you. One or several, it doesn’t matter anymore, The World is done. These people/cycles are done, 4 Cups, you don’t care what’s going on with them, what they hate or say or want - not your problem. On some level, these people chose their path, you chose yours (or are/will be doing so soon), and even if you didn’t - Spirit did. Fate, destiny, whatever, Wheel of Fortune and Time with this release of control shows it’s supposed to happen this way. The snake 🐍 reveals its true nature and you can’t unsee it - cue life change. Discrimination shows to use your discernment going forward, not everyone wants you to win. Secrets show to keep quiet. It’s no one’s business what you do or don’t do. Unless they’re in your house everyday, your immediate people, your 10 Cups. Loud and clear the message is “fuck them” 😆

Side note with that, The Devil & 4 Pentacles can feel like a powerful soul tie you can’t escape, showing these may be narrow-minded family members, long-time friends/associates, hating from the sidelines. You know it. They hate your independence and weird qualities, how you just do what you want and don’t care. Or are. Or will. Should be celebrated but do you, right? Could also be you, if there’s a particular person that triggers you, ask yourself why. If you’re the one holding grudges in this judgy energy, it’s toxic and it won’t get you anywhere. Much of this is karmic in nature, idk how much of it is conscious, and how much is or will be triggered by events outside of yourself and any other people. Masks will be removed, and rather than sit with it and try to hold on to it, you’ll need to head off in a whole new direction. It’s supposed to be that way. If these kind of people are still actively in your life, they won’t be - in the same way - because again, the mask will slip. They can’t help but show their shadow 😈 because something in you triggers it - and it looks like it’s your success. Be mindful of who you decide to allow in your inner circle, it’s probably best to keep it small for now, until you know these scales are balanced again with Justice. Again, idk how much this will actually affect you, these people show up as “the past”, which you don’t even care about anymore. Stay observant & just do you boo boo 💜 101010 is here with Achievement, Organization & Wheel of Fortune, you’re going places that some of your people can’t follow & it’s that simple. If you’re holding on to outdated anything, let it go. Today is a brand new day and the people & experiences of the past are lessons to be left where they are, The Magician & The Fool lead you to Success. In whatever case someone has been hoarding, judgmental or stingy, I’m picking up inheritance & financials for some - karma is coming. Idk how it’ll affect you, just move in your own lane and watch the pieces fall. For some it’s your own attitude that’s gotta go. Someone was unfair, that’s confirmed, and from there it’s about letting Spirit handle it. I’m seeing codependency for some, the negative or grudge holder may have a lack of identity that they latch onto the other person for definition or something. Other person grows & it’s a trigger that’s undeserved for those that feel like they can’t do the same, one or many people, things will be set right...eventually. You need to not care, don’t let yourself be stuck, you’re not stuck 💯

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 242

The Devil in the Details/The Magician’s Apprentice

“The Devil in the Details”

Plot Description: Lucifer offers Sam a deal during a tense encounter in the Cage. When the fallout from the smiting sidelines Dean, Castiel checks on Amara’s fate

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: why did Santa just kill Crowley? Oh…it’s Lucifer as Santa and we’re in Rowena’s dream…so I suppose no one actually died???

Of course Sam is gonna bet on Dean saving him…that’s what this entire show is. One of them saving the other all the time

I’m very confused how we got to some other room in hell…where Crowley is now threatening Rowena…again

I’m not mad at Rowena angling to be queen of heaven, hell, everything alongside Lucifer

Man, I’m eating dinner, did we need Dean vomiting on the side of the road??

Nah, Dean, you need to stay out or turn around, we don’t need you turning to a pillar of salt

Why IS Sam getting Ghost of Christmas Past’d by the devil??

Why does that look like the reaper…I THOUGHT THAT WAS HER!! I like being right. We need to see her more, she’s interesting

It’s not about who’s lecturing you about hurting people, it’s about what you stand for. Lucifer has his agenda and he’s not shy about it, but he’s not wrong about you and Dean choosing each other over everyone else instead of the very first sentence in the Winchester credo, “SAVING PEOPLE.”

Lucifer is so fun, honestly. He’ll make a very passionate argument to Sam about how Sam needs him because Sam’s not strong enough, and the second Sam’s like “and you are?” He hits him with “snappin necks and cashin checks is what I do” who ARE you, sir?! What

Omg this angel Cas has teamed up with. She NEEDS to up her self esteem, that or I don’t trust her. She called both of them expendable

I don’t like that Crowley’s got his hands on something called a witchcatcher

Ok…their names don’t rhyme as much as she made it sound. And a LOT of angels have the -iel at the end of their names

Guess it doesn’t matter if I didn’t trust Ambriel, she’s gone now :/

“My brother always had horrible taste in men” I like the insinuation that god is gay

WHAT DID AMARA DO TO CAS?????

I don’t like what’s happening to my faves. So the witchcatcher makes a witch follow any command given by…I’m not really sure. Dean put it on her but Crowley has control

CAN EVERYONE STOP MUTILATING MY ANGEL

I love how goofy Luci gets when he’s actually getting really serious about stuff, and I’m glad he did because he turned what I was considering to be a waste of a trip to hell into something interesting, a literal cage fight

Two angels and two humans enter, who will leave?? The boys and Cas are staggering out, Lucifer is back in his real cage.

Why did Sam salute Cas? What a weird fuckin move…

Look. I will NEVER say that Crowley keeping Rowena in hell like this is good, but it IS probably the only way he was ever going to find out why she hates him so much

Holy shiiiiiiiiiiiiit. Cas is Lucifer’s vessel. Misha’s so fuckin goofy, but he IS very good at the other actor’s mannerisms

I don’t like what this means for Rowena…there’s a minute left including credits and I’ve paused because I don’t trust what Lucifer’s gonna do to the only person who has the ability to open the Cage

Nooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!! She can’t be GONE gone (I went on imdb to spoil myself on whether this is the last we see of her. It’s not, and there are some interesting things down the line. But we do have to say good bye to her for the next like 8 episodes)

So that was not…the most fun episode for me, specifically

“The Magician’s Apprentice”

Plot Description: when Earth’s skies freeze over, Clara needs her friend, but where is the Doctor?

Oh absolutely not what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck is this opening??? Why are there hands just sticking up from the ground? Why did one pull that guy down into the ground in a giant hole and AND WHY

Omg…omg…omg. This kid the Doctor showed up to help…is Davros. Oh that’s so very interesting. He just gave his sonic screwdriver to the leader, nay the creator of the Daleks

This guy is going around looking for the Doctor to deliver a message from Davros, but this best not be the last time the Doctor faces Davros. Moffat can’t have this

Oh. THAT kind of frozen. Like…things in the sky are stuck in place, mostly planes from what I can see. Doesn’t seem like birds are affected

Oooooooo, what’s Missy up to?? So SHE’S got the planes stuck??

The SHADE. And I’m not talking about the one caused by the airplane directly over the heads of Clara and Missy. The Doctor sent Missy his will because it gets sent to a Time Lord’s closest friend. Clara tried to grab it thinking Missy was delivering it to her and it zapped her. Missy tells Clara she’s not the Doctor’s friend, Clara asks what she is then, Missy directs her attention to a passing couple walking their dog and goes “you’re the puppy”

I love evil women and when they incidentally do good things and when they do them in goofy ways. She’s a delight

Look. I know he’s goin through some shit, what with it being the day before he dies, but what is the Doctor doing???

You ever seen a man who was really just several dozen snakes in a robe?? I guess that’s why it made sense that he appeared to glide everywhere, he was really slithering

Omg…In not helping Davros as a child, did the Doctor create his greatest enemy?? In abandoning him to his death while a scared child, in taking off in the TARDIS, he —

Woah woah woah, the guy the Doctor was supposed to be in an ax fight with is one of those secret Daleks?!

Missy’s sort of rivalry with Clara is interesting. I can’t tell if it’s good or not yet, but their interactions are pretty fun as of now

THEY’VE BEEN ON SKARRO THIS WHOLE TIME??

Seeing both the Doctor and Missy be absolutely terrified of being here is kind of cool. It’s honestly just cool to see more than one Time Lord react to an outside threat.

I just don’t believe both Missy and Clara are gone and i especially can’t believe the TARDIS is destroyed. That’s so many things to take from the Doctor

OH. It’s like that?! He didn’t go back in time to show compassion to child Davros. He only went back in time to KILL Davros. Stop making this dumbass mistake

I thought the pacing felt weird…and now that I know it’s a two parter, that makes sense

Why do you love the Phantom? He’s mad he’s deformed and he’s a murderer!

A very good question, Nonny. I apologize in advance for my novel of an answer, but you did ask so…bear with me 😁

I first fell in love with the “Phantom of the Opera” musical when I was 15. Ever since then, I’ve read the original novel by Gaston Leroux, the novel “Phantom” by Susan Kay, I have watched pretty much every movie version of POTO, and I have done a significant amount of research to learn more about this intriguing character.

The phantom cannot help his deformity, it is not his fault; he was born that way and as a result of his deformity, he dealt with severe abuse, neglect, and hatred from the world as he grew up. I can’t imagine such a heartbreaking way to grow up where literally no one will give you love, not even your own family, simply because your appearance is “flawed.”

People were a lot more shallow, superstitious, and judgmental in the 1800s compared to nowadays as well. The more beautiful and wealthy you were? The more value you had. But if you were poor and/or ugly? You were a blemish upon humanity.

As bad as the phantom’s deformity is, that’s how talented he is as a musician (he’s also an architect, designer, a magician of sorts, composer, etc. He’s pretty much a genius). I think his various talents were given to him as a means to help him deal with and express his pain, among other things. I am a professional singer/musician, so I understand how therapeutic it is to have an outlet like that in your life; music can literally handle you in ANY mood and in ANY season of your life. It doesn’t judge you, it just takes you as you are.

I do not condone the phantom’s choice to murder at all; however, I can understand why it must be easier for him. I know his actions stem from growing up without love, not having healthy structure or discipline in his life, never being personally taught right from wrong (he probably had to observe those he was around and learn from just watching them), being hated by his own family and chased away by them, being displayed as a “monster” in a freak show at a gypsy camp as a means of entertainment, enduring physical and verbal abuse, constantly wandering and trying to find a place to call home, being constantly rejected and neglected, never having his art as appreciated as he desired it to be, etc.

I imagine it would be hard for one to make good, moral decisions when all they’ve been surrounded with in their life is pain, suffering, and pure loathing from others. “Hurting people hurt people.” Does it excuse their actions? No. But it does help us understand better why they do what they do.

To be honest, my heart hurts for the phantom (and anyone in the phantom’s shoes). I have always been a compassionate and nurturing type of person, and I HATE seeing hurting people who haven’t been fortunate to experience the kind of love and compassion that everyone should experience. I have known friends and have worked with children who grew up in broken homes, and it’s a very eye opening albeit heart wrenching thing to witness.

The phantom’s story is a very sad one; I always look for redemption and forgiveness in the stories I read and the movies I watch, because the idea of there being no more mercy or hope for a person? It genuinely scares me, makes me feel sick, and depresses me. I would never want to be that person who is on the receiving end of the words, “It’s too late…”

The phantom is understandably a conflicting character to like/love. His type of character tends to be more alluring than the protagonists. The phantom is made of hurt and pain, he is flawed, he is unique, he is mysterious, he is capable of making good choices, yes. But he’s been so used to being hurt and hated his whole life, that it is more natural for him to hurt and hate others as well.

It makes sense that he became so infatuated with Christine, not just as a singer, but as a person because she showed him more kindness than anyone else did aside from maybe one or two other people (I.E Madam Giry, the Daroga).

I love the phantom because I think he is a unique and complex character; I love him as a musician; his passion for music and the art he creates as a result of his pain is inspiring to me, as well as heartbreaking. I love how desperately he tries to find love and acceptance, because I would too if I were in his shoes. The only true acceptance he has, is his music.

Again, I do not condone the phantom’s actions as a murderer. But at the same time, I can understand why he does what he does. If I were involved in his life? I’d do my best to be a source of moonlight piercing through his suffocating darkness. I’d try to help him however I could and be a source of hope for him. Even if he never changed for the better, I’d still try to help him.

I would certainly want someone to reach out and help me and show me compassion if I had a dark life like the phantom had. I’d rather be too merciful than too eager to deal out punishment.

Thanks for the ask, nonny. Your question was a good and challenging one to process 🎶❤️

all for you: prologue (loki odinson x reader)

➽ pairing: loki odinson x fem!reader(y/n) ➽ word count: 1.7k ➽ summary: loki, upon finding out that you are marrying a different man, bitterly tricks you into marrying him.   ➽ warnings: canon fuckery, angst, forced marriage, asshole loki ➽ a/n: enjoy!​

I knew that the prince was nearby by the feel of the air alone. Even if Loki didn't carry heady mischief wherever he went, every Asgardian turned quiet and respectful around him. They didn't do that with the older prince, the heir to the throne, but Thor was a different man; less brash and playful and... Mischevious.

"My, oh, my," the young prince chuckled behind me, and I turned quickly to be greeted with his green eyes. "And why are we dressed nicely today?"

My cheeks burned. "I have an..." I began. "A thing."

"A thing," Loki repeated, clasping his hands behind his back. "Care to divulge what thing this is?"

"I do care, actually, "I admitted. "Because it doesn't concern you."

"Ouch," Loki chuckled and he pressed a hand dramatically to his chest. "That hurts, Lady Y/N. Does the word 'confidante' mean anything to you?"

"It does," I told him. The marketplace was bustling despite Loki's presence, and several older women cast small smiles our way. Loki was just approaching the marrying age and had yet to lay claim to a proper suitor, and everyone could tell that the kingdom was getting restless. Thor had chosen a wife earlier in the year, a Midgardian magician named Jane, but the kingdom was obsessed with love. "But this truly has no place in your mind, Lo."

"Give me a hint?" Loki asked. He stepped in front of me and walked backwards, his brilliant green eyes locked on mine. Just like me, he was dressed to the nines, his green cape flowing in the warm breeze and his boots clicking against the stone. I would even venture to say that his hair was washed. What a miracle for the young prince.

"Loki, please," I sighed. I still smiled, but Loki had to have known how annoyed he was making me. "I don't have to tell you everything. And I'm sure that there are secrets that you keep from me."

"Never from you," Loki said. "Does a thousand years of friendship mean nothing to you?"

"Loki," I chuckled lightly. "Don't press. You'll find out soon enough."

"Will I?" Loki smiled. "Is it a surprise for me? It's not my birthday."

That was one thing about Loki Odinson; once he got an idea, he never let it go. He would pester me until I gave up the ghost and told him what I was keeping from him, but my chest hurt when I thought about telling him. Loki was the marrying age, but so was I. I remembered when we were children that Loki always said that he wanted to marry me, but, in my mind, that was children playing. It wasn't anything different than the sword fights with sticks we'd have in the courtyard. Children's words during play did not a proposal make. However, the farm boy that came upon my father's doorstep and asked for my hand could be classified as a proposal, and I took it. I knew Loki would be upset when he found out that I was to be married at sundown.

"Loki, please, darling," I huffed. I shook my head and trained a small smile on my mouth, and I whispered, "Let it go. You'll find out soon enough."

"Right then," Loki chuckled. "If I were to ask my brother or his wife, would they tell me?"

"They don't know of this," I told him. "So don't bother. The only ones who know are me, my family, and... And Theoric."

"Theoric?" Loki repeated. "Who in Hel is that?"

I chewed my bottom lip as Loki stopped walking, blocking my path. "Lo--" I began.

"Who is Theoric?" Loki pressed on. "Y/N?"

I swallowed thickly. "He is..." I began. "The man I am engaged to marry. The ceremony is in an hour."

I saw a million emotions flit through Loki's eyes in that instant. The playful smile dropped off of his pink lips, and he mumbled, "Y/N. You're not serious, are you?"

"Deadly serious, Lo," I told him. "I'm sorry I kept this from you, I only did so because I knew you'd be upset--"

"Upset!" Loki cried and pressed his palm to his forehead. "Upset! Y/N, this is more than upset! Grief, is what this is!"

"At what?" I asked. "Just because I'm married doesn't mean that you'll be seeing any less of me!"

Loki set his jaw tightly, and he reached into a pocket of his jacket and extracted a small glittering thing. It took me only a second to place it-- a light golden ring with a green emerald. Loki's colors on a ring. "Oh, no," I whispered. His grief ran through my chest when the pieces fell together. He was dressed nicely in order to propose to me. I pressed my hands to my mouth and mumbled, "Loki. No, my darling--"

"Guess you can't call me that anymore, can you?" Loki said with a venom. "Lest your husband see you pining for another man."

"Loki, if I had known--"

"A thousand years, Y/N!" Loki thundered. "I have been in love with you for a thousand years, and you never saw it! If you had known-- Ha! If you paid attention, you would have known years ago!"

"Please, don't be cross with me," I pleaded, reaching out for his hands. Every inch of his skin was always cold, but I never minded. "I... I have seen it. But I mistook it for-for something else, because how could you love me? How could the prince love me?"

"Do you love me?" Loki asked. His eyes were brimming with tears, but I could feel his anger radiating from his chest. His eyes locked on mine, and I couldn't help but feel small. He had always been bigger than me-- taller and stronger and perhaps even smarter-- but he never used it against me. I couldn't remember a time when Loki has ever truly been mad at me, and I hated every second that I was under his scrutinizing gaze.

I sniffled. "Lo, I do," I assured him. "But... Differently than I do Theoric. I love you like--"

"Like a friend?" Loki sniffed highly. "A brother, maybe?"

"We were raised as siblings--"

"I was raised that way," Loki said. "You were raised to give me and my brother, my whole family, reverence without a second thought. Did you ever consider that I could offer back the same, even when I was told not to? Did it ever occur to you that you were the only brightness in my life? Years of being passed over, being told I'm less than everybody else, and you were the one to make me feel worthy. But that all means nothing to you, it seems."

"That's not fair and you know it," I told him.

"I am a god, Y/N," Loki told me. "The god of mischief, trickery, lies. Truthfulness and fairness are not in my nature."

"Well, where were you, then?" I asked. "If you wanted so badly to marry me, why did you wait to ask?"

"I thought I'd have time," Loki said. "But apparently the first man who asks--"

"Don't," I said. "Don't you dare--"

"Oh," Loki laughed ruefully. "But I do dare. Have fun with him. I know you will. But, by all of my power and the grace of the Allfather, you will regret this." His lips were a frightening sneer, and he stormed off back from where he had come from. My chest hurt and my heart thrummed against my rib cage, but I didn't try to go after him. Loki was incorrigible. He always had been. There was no way he would ever forgive me for keeping my engagement from him, and I felt tears welling up as I realized how quickly I had lost a brother. I had no true brothers, only sisters that had been married for several 100 years, and Thor and Loki were the closest thing to brothers I had. Loki had undoubtedly already written me off, and I knew that Thor was close behind.

I took a deep breath and adjusted my dress, and I continued onward.

The ceremony was small and quiet, only my mother and Theoric's mother in attendance. Theoric was a nice man, a few years older than me, and there was a small part of me that was afraid of the marriage. I hardly knew him and I worried about our compatibility, but my mother soothed my worries patiently. She told me that the Allfather would not have given me Theoric if it were not meant to be. By that token, she said, our marriage was to be blessed by the gods. Perhaps not the god of mischief, though.

"And you, Y/N," our priestess said. "You take Theoric to be your wedded husband?"

I took a deep breath and clutched Theoric's hand tighter. "I do," I said.

"And you, Theoric, take Y/N to be your wedded wife?"

My fiancé smiled at me, his eyes sparkling in the golden glow of the setting sun. His eyes were green. I hadn't noticed it before but, upon second thought, I hadn't not noticed it. A bolt of nervousness hit my stomach like lightening; if I couldn't remember the color of his eyes, how was I to remember anything else? Anything more important? "I do," he said.

"By my power and the Allfather," the priestess said with a smile. "I pronounce you husband and wife."

Just like that, all of my nerves faded away. My rings were on my finger and my husband was smiling at me. Theoric placed his soft hands on my waist and pulled me close in order to give me the deal-sealing kiss, but I stopped at the last moment. I could feel his hands. They were cold; even through the fabric of my dress, I could tell. Panic filled my chest and my limbs grew prickly, and I pushed him away by his chest. "How dare you!" I cried, and I felt my mother's arms wrap around my middle. "How could you, you monster!"

"Y/N, please," my mother said quickly, tugging me away. "What's the matter?"

"You!" I started, my anger flaring in my neck and chest. Theoric, now my husband, gave me a smile, and his green eyes flashed a deeper green before a sparkling emerald mist surrounded us. "What have you done with him, you-you witch?"

"You see, darling," the man opposite me said. "I told you that you'd regret this." And Loki smiled at me.

Hear Me Out: Syndicate Mafia/Casino AU

i came up with a casino au once with Kinoko Kingdom/Quackity as owner of the casino but then my brain went “okay but like, what if the Syndicate had a casino but it was also a mafia and then Kinoko Kingdom as a casino as well and then the Eggpire is also involved and so is fucking Dream” so hear we are.

i chose the Syndicate to have a casino cause of the song “Syndicate” by Derivakat (i’ve been binge listening to it as well-) which has a jazz casino vibe. so what if Reader was the star performer (this is self indulgent because i am very much a theater kid and love to sing-) who starts off every night with a performance of “Syndicate”. reader’s performance is used to kinda establish the Syndicate’s power over the casino and to remind the patrons anything they do will be under the scrutiny of a mafia with literally two of the most renowned mafiosos’ (Philza whose reputation of traveling all over and taking down many a mafia family precedes him and Technoblade who has taken down mafia families singlehandedly) in the city, maybe even the entire country.Just mafioso Technoblade watching reader’s performance and just enamored with how they move and their melodic voice. for some extra spice, protective Technoblade seeing the patrons/customers just as enamored as he is. Philza laughing his ass off in the background at how Technoblade goes up to you and puts his arm around your waist protectively and just glares at anyone who looks at you wrong-

the Eggpire is like a rival mafia that is trying to take control over the city so it isn’t uncommon for them to try and infiltrate the Syndicate casino. so i was thinking, what if the people who are Pro-Omlette (but not in the Syndicate so Puffy, Foolish (since it’s not confirmed he’s part of the Syndicate), Awesamdude and Eret) are staff at the casino. they were each like a lone agent after their mafia family split up/they left and decided to join forces with the Syndicate to make sure the Eggpire didn’t gain total control of the city. Maybe Sam is a bodyguard stationed either outside the casino or manning security cameras switching with Puffy, Eret can be like a stage manager/backstage to aid the performers and make sure no one sneaks into the dressing rooms or the light control area backstage and Foolish is like a bartender keeping an eye out on the main floor of the casino for any activity.

Dream was the former head of the well-renowned Dream Team mafia family until the family split. he’s notorious for breaking apart mafia families before disappearing into the night and traveling to a new city. occasionally he’ll hire some aid but they never last long.

Ponk used to be an on-sight medic for the casino in cause of bar fights or performers getting injured on stage but after many rumors (later confirmed to be true) of him being a member of the Eggpire he was fired and not allowed to enter the premise of the casino again.

Kinoko Kingdom was a rival casino/mafia family to the Syndicate’s but they’ve decided to have a truce to make sure Dream and/or the Eggppire don’t take over their city. Their casinos have different vibes with the Syndicate’s being more of a hub for mafia and business activity with jazzy music on the constant and famous for civilized and tame yet very entertaining entertainment whilst Kinoko’s casino is like more of a rowdy type casino, famous for high stake bets, drinks with high alcohol content and lively music and entertainment that can be seen as a bit too glitzy and tacky. Like you go to Syndicate casino for a night of business deals and building yourself up to the top, the type of casino you would bring your boss to, whilst the Kinoko casino is the type of casino you go to let loss and risk it all with cheap entertainment and even cheaper booze. (and if you really wanted to, you could have the Reader character be a bartender at the Kinoko casino and be the reason the casino is so well-known for their booze in the same au but different continuity)

wilbur had a casino (the L’manburg casino) but he went bankrupt so the casino changed management (to Schlatt) and then Wilbur burned it down, resulting in himself getting severely injured. courts can’t prove he did the fire and many claim he was just in the area when it happened and got severely injured. because of this his memories are very much messed up, but he’s slowly recovering (emphasize on slowly) and is now a performer for the day crowd (which is more relaxed and therefore the best place for more cheerful tunes with acoustic guitar, during the day the casino has more of a classy cafe vibe and they actually serve coffee!) under the name Ghostbur. he can’t remember the name of the nurse who treated him so he just remembers them by the name Friend and has a stress toy that is a blue sheep (given to him by the nurse) that is always in his pocket and he gets really stressed when he loses it so the nurse gave Philza copies of the stress toy to give to Wilbur if/when he loses his. for some more fluff Wilbur’s blue is actually just blue jolly ranchers because when his memories got messed up because of the accident he forgot some things like the names of colors so the nurse that treated him used blue jolly ranchers as an example of the color blue so whenever Wilbur is sad and misses the nurse (who can potentially be a Reader character taking place in the same au but a different continuity) that treated him he likes to eat some jolly ranchers to make himself feel better, and hands it out to make others feel better as well! (just imagine Philza standing behind Wilbur like “if you don’t accept his blue i will personally shove you into a body bag” type beat)

Tubbo is a magician/dealer at the Syndicate Casino for three reasons which are as follows:

A) he needed some quick cash and mans doesn’t have much work experience

B) he’s smart so he knows the little ways he can cheat the games so the casino loses less money/gains more when patrons gamble (i like to imagine in the interview process he actually managed to cheat a game and no one knew he cheated until he admitted it during the interview when asked if he could be able to subtly cheat so the house loses less money. it went like

technoblade: alright final question, do you know anyways to make sure the house doesn’t lose out on much?

tubbo: i’ve been cheating during every single game we’ve played.

everyone: 👁👄👁

ranboo wiping away a tear: that’s my platonic husband

i think that’d be funny)

C) i have decided to make it canon in this au that Tubbo and Ranboo are still platonically married for tax purposes

and for reasons (aka because i can) i’m making Micheal a piglet Tubbo bought for a magic trick that he named Micheal and got attached to. however he didn’t have the space for a piglet so Ranboo and Tubbo decided to move into a large apartment together that Foolish helped them find and named the piglet Micheal. now Micheal can be seen in the staff room just walking around and wearing a nice suit.

i have no role for Tommy but i like to imagine he spends so much time at the Syndicate casino (to hang out with Tubbo and totally not Ranboo nope not at all) that the patrons just assume he works there and ask him questions like drink recommendations and directions to where things are. and the best part is tommy actually knows where everything is- like he’s spent so much time at the casino he knows all the ins and outs. at first he’s really annoyed and mad about it until he realizes how much money he can make on tips. next day he shows up in a nice suit, and a big smile ready to help (and totally not make money).

totally random but Eret, Foolish and Niki are gossip central of the casino. Niki is a member of the Syndicate and knows all about Technoblade and Reader’s pining (in the continuity where Reader is the star performer of the casino), Eret is backstage and hears all the gossip the performer’s share and Foolish overhears all the gossip at the bar. all the staff fears them- 

More Quotes I came up with or remembered from somewhere else, in the shower:

(Feel free to reblog for personal use)

“Listen, don’t get mad, but there were like five puppies on the side of the road, and they were scared and shivering, so I couldn’t help myself and now…can we please just keep them?”

“Alright, that’s a good and logical point. However, you’ve seem to forgotten that the only thing I know is chaos.”

“I made that hot chocolate of yours…WITH WATER! HAHAHAHAA!!”

“Oh, no, my vital organs! AHGGGGGHhhh…” *fades out of existence*

“No…no, I mean it this time… Okay, maybe just once more.”

“Don’t try to guilt trip me, I’ve lacked human empathy since high school.”

“Let’s just try not killing each other, for once. I think we should find a healthier hobby.”

“Do you want my honest opinion, or the one that’ll make you happy? Cause…my honest opinion’s looking pretty bad, right now.”

“You know what my dream is? Relaxing in my hot tub while watching my favorite show or channel on my HD TV.”

“They say that reading never hurts anyone…well that was a total lie. This book has been ruining my sleep schedule for months!”

“Sorry, I don’t speak gibberish. Mind slowing it down?”

“Okay, it’s like 3:AM, and everyone else already passed out. Can you just call UNO and let me go to bed?”

“I’m a little bit of a fan of bloodshed my self, you see.” *Unsheathes toy katana*

“Okay, so this is neither my room, nor yours… Are we in your mom’s room?”

“Ever thought about doing anything beneficial to society? Yeah, me neither.”

“If at first your don’t succeed, hit it again with your Blue Eyes White Dragon!”

“I play the Sus Magician! Time for your end, imposter!”

“Can I stay at your place? My house burned down…again.”

“What do you mean smitty werben jaegermanjensin doesn’t exist?!”

“Customer service is garbage. I’d rather drive through Hell than deal with one more shitty Karen.”

“My pit-bull can pick up cinderblocks as if they were toys…he’s(she’s) such a cute little doggy! Yes he(she) is, yes he(she) is!”

“How else am I supposed to gatekeep Build a Bear Workshop?”

“Tax evasion is a crime to many… For me, it‘s an obligation.”

LDAF - The Avengers

Hiding Magic (Avengers X Teen!Reader) Warnings: Mention of crime (stealing) Request: ... reader who is a very powerful magician ... who also robs because their family is poor ... One day all the Avengers comes to their school to give a speech. However, the reader gets there late and sees the Avengers thinking they’re about to get arrested. They then go to the Bathroom to use magic and escape. Right when R using magic Peter, Tony, Strange walks in. After talking the R ends up an Avenger.

Serenity (Avengers X Fem!Reader) Warnings: Sick child, illness Request: ... reader being a part of the avengers, but the others gets suspicious when she starts refusing missions on particular dates and she always sneaks of, but it turns out she visits a children’s hospital or something because she wants to give them hope? ...

Crushing The Grape (Avengers X Male!Reader) Warnings: Spoilers to Infinity War. Death. Reader basically tortured Thanos. Think Magneto with blood. Request: Could you do avengers x male reader where male reader kills that giant purple grape(thanos) on Titan

The Happiest Avenger (Avengers X Reader) TRIGGER WARNING: Depression and self harm mention Request: ... R is very happy to a point where they’re the happiest person on the avengers but the R is secretly messed up, they never shows it. The R has a secret they self-harm. So one day Steve finds the scars while they’re talking in the kitchen then thinks the worst. So he sets up a meeting with the crew and the next day R walks in and the crew have to act normal but then comfronts the R but the end is very fluff

Young Weapon (Avengers X Teen!Male!Reader) Warnings: Mention of violence, mention of fire, death of parents, mention of torture Request: ... reader where he’s discovered as a brainwashed assassin (like bucky) where he was taken when he was like 5 and is now 15 and he suffered worse than bucky did and they try to help him oh wow that was long

Not Happening (Avengers X Fem!Reader) Warnings: Mentions of torture, brain washing, ptsd/nightmares and killing. Request: ... reader is a superpowered teenager that the avengers took care of after finding her in a hydra base. She’s still trying to fit in but the government is trying to take her away due to her past crimes when she was still controlled by hydra ...

Scratches (Avengers X Male!Reader) Warnings: Sexual mentions Request: … Where male reader was training and took his shirt of and the avengers see he has scratches(from late night activities) on his back and tease him about it and he comes up with a sassy response. The whole late night activities don’t have to be detailed

No More Fighting Pt 1 (Avengers X Reader)     |     Part 2 Warnings: Death of character Request: ... before the battle cap and iron have a fight but the reader plays peacemaker and makes everything alright. At the battle the reader sacrifice themself to help the avengers get away before getting captured ... but the avengers think they k.i.a. And at the funeral cap and iron make peace for the sake of the reader

Ranger (Avengers X Fem!Reader) Warnings: Fighting Request: .... a steampunk style and meets the avengers after they see her beating up bad guys or something ...

Testing Patience (Avengers X Fem!Reader)     |     Part 2 Warnings: Mild swearing Request: … a very calm reader who life with the avengers in the tower and one day she is mad at something and all the avengers are there and think she is very cute when she is angry and hug her and joke on her, and she gets more angy because they think she is cute …

Anomaly (Avengers X Teen!Male!Reader) Request: ... reader who is a powerful being and all they know about their life is that they’re human with powerful powers. Avengers are trying to capture them, they’re trying to capture him to question him. because he robbed a bank and seen what the reader could do. The powers he has are called Imagination Manifestation its like imagining something and comes true. And at the end he some how gets a job at avengers

Blind Meeting (Avengers X Blind!Reader) Request: ... reader is really nervous to meet the avengers because shes blind but peter assures her that itll be fine and the avengers end up loving her

Loyalty (Avengers X Fem!Reader) Warnings: Torture, memory loss Request: ... reader gets compromised, tries to take down the avengers ... They refuse to fight her ...

Revenge Is Bloody (Avengers X Vampire Reader)     |     Part 2 Warnings: Blood and gore Request: ... hydra operatives keep showing up dead drained of their blood? The team are called to investigate. Bucky is fine with it but everyone seems kind of nervous cause they don’t know what their dealing with. They find out it’s a girl in her teens that hydra experimented on turning her into a vampire and she was able to over power and hunt them down. They track her and she willingly goes with them to join the team.

Much Needed Sleep (Avengers X Fem!Reader) Warnings: passing out, swearing. Request: ... reader has insomnia and barely sleeps. She lies to the rest of them (the avengers) so they don’t worry. She has about 4 hours sleep a night, sometimes less. When she’s doing a mission, she collapses from exhaustion ...

Mistake (Avengers X Reader) Warnings: Injury, death Request: ... one day the reader messes up badly on a mission and the avengers talk about how the reader let down So the reader quits and the avengers go looking for the reader and finds them and talks about how they’re sorry ...

Real Magic (Avengers X Fem!Reader) Warning: Falling from heights, presumed deaths, dangerous stunts. Request: Peter and The avengers go to a circus they decide to go see a magic show, and tony is totally not buying it. It turns out the reader is the star, and her magic is real. Maybe they try to get her on the team. …

“Did you have to seduce the entire team!?” (Avengers X Fem!Reader) Request: … reader is young and beautiful and starts living in the tower with the avengers and she flirts with all of them just for fun, and all of them think that she is in love with them and at the end they start fighting ... and ask reader which one would she choose finally and she chooses ruce ...

I Don’t Know What I’d Do Without You (Avengers X Fem!Reader) Warnings: Self conscious reader, teasing Request: Can you do a female reader, where she feels as if she isn’t worthy enough to be in the avengers, she feels as if she’s the odd one out. Nat overhears her talking to her friend on the phone about thinking about leaving and she gets the others to convince her she is worthy?

Auntie June Came Early (Male Avengers X Fem!Reader) Warning: Period time~ Request: … reader is in her days and Nat and Wanda are away, and the male avengers got nuts because they think she might be in a lot of pain and overprotect her and dont let her do anything, not even move, and she complain about the pain just once and they all freak out and she thinks is hilarious! ...

Helping (Avengers X Teen!Reader) Warnings: Bulimia, throwing up, bullying, self conscious reader. Request: ... reader is Tony’s daughter (although all of them are protective of her) and she has bulimia and she gets caught purging by one of the team members.

Hello, I’m Pansexual (Avengers X Fem!Reader) Warnings: Mention of homophobia, anxiety. Request: ... reader’s part of the avengers and has powers, but is pan and struggling w how to come out to the team bc she’s scared they’ll kick her off?

Surprise! (Avengers X Reader) Warnings: Sad emotions Request: … reader thinks everyone forgot their birthday but they were just planning a surprise party for them? …

If You Get Killed, Walk It Off. (Avengers X Fem!Reader) Warnings: Grieving, supposed death, explosion, blood, death Request: … reader is in a mission with the avengers and then there is an explossion and the reader was in that building and everybody thinks that she died, and start to cry and remember how they love her, and finally she was ok, and goes with them and ask what happen? …

Help (Avengers X Reader) SERIOUS TRIGGER WARNING: SELF- HARM MENTIONS Request: ... a super angsty self-harm one with avengers.

Where Do Babies Come From? (Avengers X Child!Reader) Warnings: Mild swearing, sex ed talk Request: … reader is the little protect one sister of the avengers (like 12 years old) and she goes around the tower asking the avengers how babies are made. (she doesnt have a mom, so she doesnt know anything) and Tony freaks out because doesnt want her to grow up! …

Phantom (Avengers X Fem!Reader)     |     Part 2 Request: ... reader’s super badass the team rarely sees her shes like a ninja and according to clint who ever sees her outside missions will have a lucky day (lmao) and like when the teams having movie night shes just like standing behind them in the shadows ...

No Spoilers (Avengers X Reader)     |     Part 2     |     Part 3 Warnings: Spoilers of AOU SET BEFORE AOU Request: ... reader from our universe gets dropped into the avengers.

One Last Goodbye (Avengers X Fem!Reader) Warnings: Death, mourning. Request: … reader died during a mission. Fury give Tony a USB key and told him to watch the video with the rest of the avengers. on the video the reader is talking about how much she loved them and tells each avenger little facts that she loved about them and she thanks them for being her family. …

Birthday Girl (Avengers X Fem!Reader) Request: ... it’s the female readers birthday. She works with the Avengers but aside from that she doesn’t have any friends. She is having a bad birthday, the avengers don’t know. They find out it’s her birthday and surprise her, making it better. …

Welcome to the Family (Avengers X Elf!Reader) Warnings: Mentions of neglect Request: ... reader is half human, half light elf but you were taken from Alfheim and abandoned on earth when the dark elves attacked. (From Thor) The avengers find you and take you in. Thor offers to bring you home but you’ve gotten attached to the human world and decides to stay. You’ve especially gotten attached to Tony cause he treated you like a daughter since you were very young and petite. Smaller then normal elves

Not Your Fault (Avengers X Fem!Teen!Reader) Warnings: Mention of extreme injury, disability, guilt. Request: ... reader is Tony’s teen daughter and she is really good friends with everyone in Team Cap but then during the airport fight she gets hurt and is unable to walk again ... and then when she sees Team Cap again they feel really guilty specially because one of them caused the injury and Natasha feels angry at herself because she was supposed to be her mother figure and look out for her ...

Fitting In (Avengers X Adopted!Reader) Request: ... Tony, being known for his impulsive choices adopts a 14 yr old girl. She’s got the innocent girl next door look but she’s a complete devil. Nat loves her, Clint is afraid of her and Loki, Bucky and Sam are her partners in crime for evil pranks. All is well until she pulls a prank on Bruce and he hulks out. But even Hulk falls under her innocent spell and can’t seem to do anything to her.

Hair Pulling (Avengers X Reader) Warnings: Hair pulling, pulling hair out Request: ... One of the Avengers finds out that the reader has trichotillomania and try’s to help them to stop?

Headaches (Avengers X Reader) Warnings: Spoilers of AoU, Illness, swearing, mention of getting high and drunk Request: The reader is sick all of the time and the avengers are concerned about them, so they have to try and convince the avengers that they’re okay in the long run ...

Killer Cupcakes (Avengers X Fem!Reader) Warnings: Serious illness, near death Request: ... reader is like really sick/hurt and tries to hide it from the other avengers, but they find out and freak bc she almost died ...

The Ultimate Sacrifice (Avengers X Male!Reader) Warnings: Death of character, description of death, mourning Request: ... they’re trapped in a capsized (upside down) cruise ship and the reader ... sacrifices himself to save the group, based on the song My Immortal by Evanescence ...

Animals (Avengers X Fem!Reader) Warnings: Swearing Request: ... reader is sort of spiritually connected with animals or has some sort of connection with animals where they just adore her ... and the avengers ... keep finding random animals around the tower and Tony keeps telling her off for it; secretly everyone finds it amusing and the reader knows this.

I Need My Family (Avengers X Reader) Warnings: Mention of harrassment, assault and swearing Request: ... reader is part time university student - part time Avenger ... and reader somehow gets into some trouble that involves the police, and they try to keep it secret from the others, but Steve finds out and tells Wanda, then they tell the others ...

Other Me (Bucky X Fem!Reader)     |     *PREQUEL* [Part 2]     |     Part 3 *Sequel Warnings: Needles, stabbing, blood, death Request: … reader joined the avengers before Bucky. He sees her as sweet, shy and innocent but during missions she’s a complete psycho? After missions its like nothing happened. So he asks Steve about it and he says she’s like that cause before missions they take her off her meds that keep her in check. If she doesn’t have them she’s kinda over the top angry.

Hidden Art (Avengers X Fem!Reader) Request: ... reader is a shy recruit at the Avengers and she doesn’t really talk to anyone and didn’t let anyone in her room, and one day someone walked to her room and found out that she was very good at art ...

Joining The Team Pt 1 (Avengers X Reader)     |     Part 2     |     Part 3     |     Part 4     |     Part 5 ~Finale Warnings: Blood, Violence, torture Request: ... Avengers x reader fic, really angsty ...

Compromised (Neal Caffrey X Fem!Reader) Warnings: Nat kills someone, violence Request: ... Neal Caffrey (reader’s boyfriend) finds out she’s an Avenger, and the Avengers find out she has a boyfriend? Mozzie is protective of Neal and Nat and Bucky are protective of reader and try to scare Neal into backing off?

I’ll Kill Him (Avengers X Fem!Reader) Warnings: Mentions of Domestic abuse. Request: Reader is the Avenger’s assistant and like a little sister to them, and one day she doesn’t come into work and Bucky goes to her house to make sure she’s OK and finds out she’s in an abusive relationship and helps her.

Where’s Nat? (Avengers X Teen!Reader) Warnings: Blood. Looooots of blood. Request: teen reader has period and goes to avengers for help but Nat isn’t home – Tony is her uncle!

Not alone (Avengers X Reader) SERIOUS WARNING: SELF HARM MENTIONS. Other warnings: Getting shot. Request: Avengers see Reader’s self harm scars and confront her

Overprotective much? (Avengers X Fem!Reader) Warnings: One swear word, threatening, flirting, drinking and attempted murder by an overprotective brother. Request: ... reader is Tony´s sister and she is really beautiful (thats why Tony won´t introduce her) and the avengers are surprised and start bothering Tony and he gots really jealous and protective ...

RP meme from Werewolf: The Apocalypse "Kinfolk: Unsung Heroes" Ch 2, Ch 3, & Ch. 4

"You get good hunches from time to time, and you’ve come to trust them."

"Your instincts often put you on the right trail."

"You always know when something’s afoot."

"Not only do you know when something’s wrong, you know who’s responsible."

"The human world thrives on red tape."

"You can set up meetings with just about anyone, and you have the skills to run a multinational conglomerate with dozens of subsidiaries."

"Audacity, guts, pluck — whatever it’s called, you’ve got it."

"Nope, you’re not worthy. Never have been, never will be."

"Should someone suspect things aren’t as they seem, you could be in big trouble."

"You’re so wrapped up in your own little world, you don’t have a clue about reality!"

"Perhaps you retreat into yourself be cause you’re afraid or avoiding a problem, but more likely, you simply aren’t using your gray cells."

"You’re an intrinsically nice person, and you genuinely care about your fellows."

"A magician’s lifestyle, code of ethics and favored foci all determine how his rituals manifest his power."

"This ability is both beautiful in its own way and quite dangerous to its practitioner."

"My folks eventually forgot about me."

"Becoming a vampire was rough, let me tell you."

"Did I want to die? Hell yes, I did!"

"The implications for genetics are astounding."

"But I need more samples! Think you could help out?"

"You must have done something wrong to be so weak, both in flesh and mind."

"So quickly? It was forever to me."

"Maybe you passed your taint on to your children?"

"I wanted nothing but revenge."

"Go on, take a stand. Show your fury!"

"Ah, the crowd seems to be thinning a bit on the dance ground."

"There are some oaths that cannot be broken."

"Forget the lad."

"Those fucking pansies!"

"Hey, sorry, but I’m a survivor."

"Maybe I didn’t ask to become a walking corpse, but I’ll learn to deal with it."

"The madness in their eyes, the howls of pain, these are the things I love."

"When their fury explodes, my feast shall begin."

"Well, I call them a bunch of idiots."

"I don’t suppose we ought to kill them all, but it’d be nice if we could find a deep pit to throw them into."

"Good fights are lots of fun, and easy victories get boring."

"The world is brutal and cruel, particularly if you’re somehow “different.”

"There’s a lot of work to be done and somebody has to do it."

"They’ll go to jail if they lie, yet they can’t exactly tell the truth, either."

"Will you need maps or floorplans?"

"Not everyone can be a complete saint or a total demon."

"They might face genetically altered horrors or just well-trained agents with big guns."

"Every now and then, a huge fight with some critter is just plain fun."

"Animals are as intelligent as they need to be."

"The vast majority of humans sleepwalk through their lives."

"Don’t make the common mistake and suppose that a wild animal thinks and acts like its domesticated analog."

"Humans label wild animals “unpredictable” because it’s nearly impossible for the average person to ken what the critters are thinking. Most conflicts in human-animal encounters are the result of misinterpretation on either side."

"Just because a weapon or device is nonlethal doesn’t prevent it from causing pain and trauma."

"Costs, styles and voltages vary, but rest assured, most people lose their resolve after getting hit with a taser."

"Concertina wire, or coiled barbed wire, is a nasty addition to normal security measures."

"Contrary to popular belief, silencers can’t really soundproof firearms. They make firing less noisy but never totally silent."

"A remote control triggers the bomb, which is surgically implanted in the skull; it’s guaranteed to kill or permanently impair its target."

"Even “antidotes” for classic poisons like arsenic and cyanide are often poisons themselves; one antidote for strychnine, for example, is succinylcholine, a dangerous paralytic drug similar to curare."

"Many poisons are on the shelves at hardware stores; cationic detergents, methanol, naphthalene (moth balls), potassium permanganate and turpentine. Others, like Barbados nuts, nightshade, or snake venom, might be in the backyard."

"It’s as if they simply vanished into thin air."

Message from his DF’s Higher Self

To the Littlest One,

I was summoned by you I think. Damn boy, are you tired? Cuz you’ve been running through my mind all day. Everyday. Where do I begin? There’s always so much to say but I’m never sorted out. You want to know how I feel about you? Well it’s not a one word or one line answer you see. In my previous connections, I’ve always had some issue or the other. There have been connections where things were THIS close to being something special, and yet, I couldn’t unsee that there was still that bit missing. And I realized, I’m really looking for someone EXACTLY like me, and I knew I set myself up for failure because truly that’s impossible to have? When I saw you for the first time, I was shocked because I couldn’t believe how someone could be so much like me. It was like looking at my male version. And yet, there were so many obvious differences. I would be all excited and tell whoever cared to listen (most didn’t) that look, this guy is just like me! I think I’ve found my perfect match like they write in books and stuff. It didn’t matter to me that you didn’t know I existed. I was incredibly happy just knowing that I wasn’t wrong in believing that somewhere there is someone who is your exact match. I was O.B.S.E.S.S.E.D with you! I couldn’t get enough. You’d think my first impression about you was wrong and as I got to know more about you, I’d change my mind. But it was the exact opposite. The more I knew, I surer I got. I found a happy place in my life, everyday religiously watching you do weird stuff that convinced me more and more that yeah, he is the one. Ironically though, I never wanted to do anything about it. I thought someday we’d just meet and you’d see what I saw— that we’re perfect for each other. I had things in my personal life to take care of and I started doing exactly that, and Divine (and other) intervention got us together. Of course initially I was a little wary and thought it was all too good to be true, but that’s just me. Getting to know you has been one of the most special, life changing events in my life. So I have no idea why you want to start over again, or change anything about it. I wouldn’t want to change anything about any of it. You have been a wish fulfilled, a literal dream come true for me, right from the start to now. When I first saw you, I had a certain idea about you, the things you might say— and when you did speak to me, it was exactly how I always imagined it to be. With every word and action, you became more and more perfect to me. It was like someone made a list of everything I wished for in a person since when I was old enough to wish for things, added a ton of other wonderful things and the result was you! You have always, ALWAYS said what I wanted to hear, treated me the way I wanted to be treated. You were like this magician who always magically knew what I wanted. How did you know? How did you know what no one had ever known. And those people were so much closer to me. And so it not just confuses me but also makes me sad how you see this whole thing differently. Maybe you can do better, maybe you have better things to offer, I get that. But it was still perfect the way it was. There is no need to go over it repeatedly and wish it was different. I would never ever never want it to be any other way.

To me, you were and still are the kind of person they only talk about in fairytales. Does that mean I think you have no flaws? No. I know everyone has flaws and I have always believed that is what makes each of us unique and more special. And I have stopped buying onscreen personas since when I was like 13. Okay, maybe 15. Perfection to me is not the absence of flaws. Perfection to me is in the way I feel about someone. And I have always felt so wholesome around you, every moment spent with you was perfect. You were perfect, everything you did was perfect. If I were to sit you down and categorically tell you to do exactly as I wanted, I still couldn’t do a better job than what you had already done. Plz I’m embarrassed to admit that I have spent days, weeks, MONTHS daydreaming about you. Repeating every word over and over and over in my head and feeling every feeling it caused in me. I don’t see the “mistakes” that you see. Maybe you don’t see them either, and that’s why you are confused as to why you are being punished. Then maybe you should consider the thought that you aren’t being punished? I am not keeping away because of anything you did or didn’t do, I am keeping away for my own issues. You might think I have it all figured out, but I’m sorry to burst your bubble, I’m still a work in progress as well. You think I have over exaggerated ideas about you? Well I think you have put me up on a pedestal and don’t see how I’m struggling too. Do I absolutely need to be away to focus on myself right now? Absolutely. I have a tendency to be put who I love (there I said it, I wish it wasn’t said this way, but I guess this is the need of the hour) before me, and lose myself in the process. And unless I learn how to prioritizing another person without de-prioritizing myself, I need to be by myself. Have you ever felt like this connection was getting the better of you— that you had no control over yourself whatsoever? That’s how it has felt for me too. I need to find my own footing before getting involved in anything at all. Do I seem stubborn and difficult? Good. Because I have been easy and impressionable before and it has taken everything away from me. You must understand, this has got nothing to do with you. These problems have existed in my life before you came, and they will continue to exist unless I take care of them. You might think you can solve all my problems, if only we were together. That’s not true. The problems are inside of me. You can, at best, distract me from them. Only I can truly uproot them. Not only is this my duty here on earth, it is my right to be able to do that, and I am going to defend my right, whether or not you agree with me, and no matter how mad it makes you. It is never my intention to hurt you or anger you, but if that’s the price I have to pay, so be it. And it doesn’t even have to be about problems either. I have the right to live my life the way I want to. Always. Whether or not you are in my life. And I have the right to do so without having to explain myself. This is something I have learnt pretty late in my life— I really used to be the exact opposite. I have spent YEARS unlearning that pattern and I am not going to abandon my beliefs anymore, not even for you. And I’m not even apologetic about it. If there is any love in this connection, it will honour my freedom and my choices. Even if I abandoned myself right now “out of love”, and years later when I realize the folly in that, I’d forever hold you responsible for that and hate you all my life. That’s not going to be a very successful connection, is it? My morals, principles and beliefs are what make me who I am. Abandoning them is literally changing me, might as well change my face with surgery. They are staying with me until my last breath. Anyone who wants to be in my life has to respect and accept that. You don’t have to though. And I really want to make sure you understand this. I don’t expect you to do anything that you don’t want to do. Nothing at all. When you had no idea I existed, I liked you even then. The point is, my liking or loving you isn’t dependent on what you do or don’t do for me. It has everything to do who you are. Now, you might not see yourself that way. You might think you are nothing special to be liked or loved. You might feel the need to do a ton of things so that people like you. But you see, that’s all just you, not me. Don’t project your feelings on to me. For me, you have always been special and everything you have ever done has been special. Now, the answer to the difficult question: have I ever been hurt by you? Yes. But I have never thought it was your “fault”. For me it was always my fault that I was too reliant on someone else’s opinion of me, and a push to the direction of learning to be self-validated. And it was a huge leap in my growth! To be honest, I don’t entirely know what fault you hold yourself responsible for. I have no idea what “wrong” choices you have made. All I see is, you had prior commitments and you chose to honour your commitments. You chose to stick with the people who were there in your life long before me. Not only do I respect you more because of it, it has always been a very attractive quality about a person to me— being mindful of everyone in their lives. The only thing that makes me mad is when you fail to realize that I have the right to do the same. You can choose to fight me over my freedom and ways of dealing with things, but know that it is a fight I will always win :p

You seek my forgiveness but it is not me who hasn’t forgiven you, it is you. You want love from me but it is not me who doesn’t love you, it is you. Fear all you want, doubt all you want, but you could inquire in 10, 20, 100 years if I love you, and the answer will still be the same: yes I do. And if you ask me 1000 times what we should do about it, my answer will also be the same— this really is the time to focus on ourselves. It might seem like I’m going further away from you, but I really am coming towards you with every passing day. How and when— not everything needs to be known right now. If you are patient, everything will make sense when it’s the right time. Maybe then you would even hate yourself for not being more understanding, and wish that you had acted different right now. Just like you now wish you had behaved differently back then. The tighter you are holding on to this, the longer the wait is getting. Holding on tight to your love is an old paradigm. This is the time to be freely flying beside each other. I know because not very long ago, I had to make this exact choice. Either to let go of you and risk losing you forever or to hold on tightly to you and lose myself forever. I made the 2nd choice with a lot of doubt and difficulty, and it turns out that our connection has only gotten stronger from there. You feel like you are the only one in this journey but this is truly a journey of two. I assure you, every phase you cross, I have crossed it before you. There was a time I was addicted to you too. No matter where I went, what I did, who I was with, I was more interested in knowing what new weird thing Jungkook did today. Back then, nothing else was any more important than a little attention from my dream boy. And yet, there was so much anxiety and fear mixed with those experiences. Those were absolutely beautiful moments and everything I ever wished for, then why couldn’t I completely engage in them? Because I hadn’t learned to love myself yet. And so everything lacked, no matter how special. I can tell you for sure that me being in your life right now will do the exact same for you. So far you literally have followed all of my footsteps. And this is another reason for me needing to focus on myself. Until now, it was only about my own dreams and goals in life. But now I see how we are both almost tethered together in this connection, and I seem to be leading the way, aren’t I? For you to figure out the maze, I have to do that first. You know how you feel drawn to me, like you can never get enough? You might feel like it is your need to be loved by me, but really it is the need for you to follow in my next footsteps that is to focus on yourself. This is why you are never satisfied. Even when I am with you, you are still anxious about something you anticipate happening in the future. You are restless because you are not addressing the problems inside of you. You are trying to control this connection and this situation from outside, but that’s not where the issue is. You really think I’m some angel descended from heaven? Time to burst another bubble. I have a dark past too. I have hurt people, been destructive and done things I wish I hadn’t. The only difference? I have forgiven myself. I was young and didn’t know any better. It doesn’t help either that our society only teaches us to focus on the external things. Those mistakes didn’t define me nor will any other mistake I might make in the future. Nothing else defines me other than that I want to be happy and I’m committed to learning how to be happy and will learn and grow all my life in pursuit of happiness. You feel like you’re attracted to me because you need a loving person in your life, but what you’re really looking for subconsciously is to learn to love yourself because you see that I love myself. There is literally nothing in this world that makes a person more attractive than self love. It is the ultimate goal for every soul and someone who masters it is a veritable flame for all moths. No amount of love is enough for the person who doesn’t love themselves. Believe me, I’ve been there. You think I’m mad at you, but the thing is, the mire I focus on myself, the more I’m able to understand you more. So yes, even though you make me so mad so often, it doesn’t last at all. This connection has changed me in ways that surprise me too. In my past connections, if I was hurt, I would make sure I’d give back the same hurt back ten times so they knew what I went through. Not anymore. Very soon into this connection I’d realized that no matter how much I was hurt, I could never bring myself to do the same to you. And gradually I learnt to not be hurt at all in the first place. Because I always understand where you come from. And I always will. Not because I’m some saint, but because I have been through all of that. You are not wrong in wanting to be loved, or wanting assurance. It’s been a tough journey hasn’t it, being through situations and people that have distorted your perception of your own self? So much so that you now believe you are that person. But if you really were, then why did I see someone else when I first saw you? And after all this time, why do I still see that same person? No matter what happens in between, why hasn’t my perception changed of you? How is it that we are both looking at the same but different person? You might argue that your version of you is more accurate, not mine. Then why do you believe so strongly that your version of ME is more accurate, that you are ready to fight with everyone else over it? Why do you believe so strongly that you just KNOW me? Because as Twin Flames we are lucky to have someone designated to see ourselves in our divinity when we have forgotten that about ourselves. At this point, I don’t even care what you think about yourself. I know what I know and nothing and no one is ever going to convince me otherwise. Flaws and all, you are perfect to ME. But no one can convince you of that better than yourself. Unless you forgive, love and accept yourself, you will always feel like there’s not enough love in your life. No matter how many times we go over this, this is where it will always end up at.

Don’t get me wrong though, I feel your change and transformation. I feel your heart opening up, I feel you getting more and more vulnerable. And I know it’s scary. But this is the only way. When I had to let go, I realized what terrified me the most was if I was going to lose the “feeling” that existed then. The whole dreamy, head-over-heels, giggling like a little girl, and getting unmentionable thoughts 24/7 type of love feeling (yes is it that hard to believe it exists?) As it turned out, not only did the feeling not go, it transformed into this beautiful version where I have so much more control over it— I can feel this way when I decide to, instead of it being all over the place before. Ironically here, you feel like falling constantly when you hold on. You find your ground when you let go. Does it seem like I don’t think about you at all? The reality is, I’m just more at peace with these feelings. Instead of fighting them or trying to get rid of them, I let them stay with me with the instructions that they let me do other things like work, and they stay quietly beside me all day, and only get activated when I want them to lol. You are suffering because you are trying too hard to get an outcome, a result out of it, I’m just here enjoying the ride, wherever it takes me. If I leave you, you will be shattered, probably feel betrayed and unable to trust anyone else. If you leave, I’ll love you regardless. I have nothing to gain from this, and yet I gain the most beautiful, precious things from it every single day. All because I let go. I let go, not of you, but of my expectations of an outcome. In return, you stayed. And with you, the most high vibrational feelings that literally poets write about, singers sing about, and people everywhere spend all their lives looking for. I found them right where I was. It does make me sad to see you in pain but I know it’s only temporary and more than that, essential to get to where you must get in this lifetime. But it doesn’t have to be that painful. It took me years to understand certain things, and if I could teach just one thing, it would be acceptance. Resist less, accept more. Accept situations as they are. And watch them magically transform. The last thing, if you really, REALLY want to do something for me, something that would make me happy, and if I do in fact, have the right to ask for something from you— it is that you put yourself first right now. Independent of me. Pretty please. I know I’m kinda awesome and hard to resist lol but there must be things that you have wanted to do that had nothing to do with me. Explore yourself without judgement. And allow me the freedom to do the same. There is no one I want more than you in my life, but there are things I want to explore and do which have existed way before you came into my life. If I couldn’t do them, I would hate you for the rest of my life and I definitely don’t want that. I don’t want to rush a connection so special and rare. I don’t want to start something not knowing for sure that I can be consistent with. Whatever I start is going to be forever and for that we both need to be 100% ready without any doubts or reservations. If we’re not there yet, that’s alright, we should have enough time to prepare. Just know that no matter what happens, this connection is not going anywhere, and these feelings are not going away, cuz they never have. And IF, in the rare occasion that it has to end, know for sure that it will be decided by two people, not just one. It is the right of both people who are working towards this connection. Believe in Divine magic and timing. We’re going to be alright.

Enclosing I’d like to say: Are you a dictionary? Cuz you’re adding meaning to my life. Are you a camera? Cuz every time I look at you, I smile. Do you have a pencil? Cuz I want to erase your past and write our future. (Okay that’s enough Google search for today)

At-Fault Acid Rain

Who is the clown that decided to write fight drabbles for no reason? Me? Oh, damn.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoy it and feel free to keep sending me questions about the soft yandere boys I love them!

Word count: 2.1k

Pairing: Soft Yandere! Jin x Reader (Scopophilic Affection drabble)

Summary: You and Jin did not fight often, you barely disagreed on anything, except for one big thing: your family. After a tense dinner with your family, and the shedding of your tears, Jin understands he needs to change his approach.

Alternatively: all the soft yandere boys go to mush during a fight the moment their darling starts to cry

The door was nearly ripped off its hinges as Jin opened it, passively aggressively, but still chivalrous, for you to give him the side eye as you stepped through the threshold of your shared apartment, "I'm sleeping on the fucking couch."  You seethed as you kicked off the pumps you wore.

"No, baby, let me." Sarcasm dripped from his tone as he followed suit while you fiddled with the zipper on your dress, "I obviously don't do enough for you, so I'll sleep on the couch." His tone was bitter to say the least.

You scoffed as your arms reached to get the damn dress off. You just wanted to shed this night off of your body. Your lovely lover thought it would be super wise to make underhanded verbal jabs at each and every member of your family until the entire dinner was eaten in silence before everyone even got their main course. 

Needless to say, you were mortified. Regardless of how shitty your family has been to you, you did still love them. You did still see them as family, even if they just saw you as a disappointment, now a bitchy gold-digging disappointment. You and Jin had bickered the whole way home about what was and wasn't called for as well as his motives behind his very thinly veiled insults to your family. Was he standing up for you or did he genuinely look down on your family? 

And by extension, did he look down on you?

You felt him pull the zipper down as your arms returned to your side, "How can you be so goddamn stubborn sometimes?" He muttered under his breath as he leaned down to try and kiss your neck, obviously hoping for makeup sex before a fight fully breaks out. You and Jin had been pretty good about not fighting, but when it came to the topic of your family, it was difficult, to say the least.

Jin despised your family very, very strongly. He was crazy about you, and crazy in general, so he hated anyone who made you feel like anything less than the goddess you are to him. You, on the other hand, still maintain a wry smile to your family's backhanded compliments. This drove him to the brink of insanity, resulting in his much harsher quips back to your cousins, your aunts, your uncles, and especially your parents. 

Overcome with love and an unwillingness to fight in risk of relenting, Jin always tried to have sex and deal with it then. 

Keyword: tried. You marched towards the room before his mouth could make contact and extinguish the angry fire in your body, "I would love it if you didn't touch me right now." You snapped as you put on a large t-shirt, deliberately choosing one you already owned instead of one of Jin's.

Taking notice of this, Jin found his libido drop and his irritation spike. How could you not understand he was on your side?! "I would love it if you could stop being mad at me for being honest during dinner about your shitty family!" You flinched at his volume when he crossed the threshold of the bedroom while you took off your jewelry.

You laughed humorously, "Honest or not, they don't need more fucking reasons to despise me anymore!" You shot back, "The way they looked at me tonight… I couldn't even eat!" You were beyond irritated that Jin couldn't see why you were angry, "The last time they looked at me like that was when I told them I wanted to major in Theatre!"

"Well, I ate just fine and the food was delicious." Jin clipped back as you slammed the earings on the nightstand

"Unbelievable." You murmured as you grabbed a pillow and brushed past the broad-shouldered man in the doorway.

Jin scoffed as he followed you, "I don't see why you still give a damn about what they think of you!" You pursed your lips and shook your head, "You're not a kid anymore, they're opinion shouldn't matter!" He tried to reason with you.

"Of course you don't get it." Your voice dropped lower, usually a signal to Jin to reel it in, but he was far too stubborn and confident he would win this fight.

"What does that mean?!" He challenged with all of his bravado as you patted the pillow against the armrest of the couch.

You whipped your head around to scrutinize his form, still suit clad with only the tie loosened, "You have no idea what it's like to be brought up with expectations so high and miss the mark so terribly, not only do you get shit on all the damn time, you aren't even given the decency of a chance to redeem yourself!" You were hurt, and Jin began to regret his big mouth, "Your parents love you and respect you and trust your judgement." Jin's jaw clenched, "My family loves me, yeah, but because it is expected of them, and they meet their fucking expectations unlike their creative mistake from a family of accountants!" You could hardly keep track of your words, "They love me but they don't respect me, not even enough to expect anything from me anymore!"

Jin knew he should've stopped but he couldn't stand the way you looked at him, and he wanted to be right, "I earned my parents respect!" He retorted, "You…!" He trailed off, having to reevaluate the very shitty and incorrect thing he was going to say, hoping you would just drop it.

When he saw the pain flash through your widened eyes, he wanted to crumble, "I…?" You waited expectantly, "What? I didn't earn their respect?" Your voice was eerily soft and Jin knew what it meant. You were going to cry. Your tears stung him like acid, dissolving his fight within seconds. You seldom fully cried, so when you did Jin saw red at the cause, but when the cause was him, which had only happened once before this, he spent weeks apologizing. You were his everything, the last thing he ever wants is to make you feel like anything less. Jim never won any of your arguments, though he likes to think he has once, but the moment you cry the idea of winning or loosing becomes insignificant.

Jin's eyes softened as he took a very tentative step towards you, "No, baby, I didn't mean-"

You held your hand up, effectively silencing him, "No, no, you're right, what have I done to earn their respect?" You shrugged and your voice shook as Jin stepped closer to you, "I have been nothing but respectful to them even while they spit on every accomplishment I've had, and when I finally bring home a boy, he makes them feel as small as they have made me feel and…" You inhaled shakily, as Jin braced himself, "And if that's what you think of them… what on Earth do you think of me?" Your voice cracked as the dam in your tear ducts shattered and you broke down into tears and Jin's stubborn resolve dissolved with it.

He engulfed you in a hug, despite your initial fight to put as much distance as possible between you both. With his strength your efforts were fruitless physically, but affected him emotionally as he held you firmly against him until you gave up. You cried into his chest, undoubtedly getting mascara all over his very expensive dress shirt as he held you close, stroking your hair, "I think that of them because they are cowards." His tone was softer, "I think that you, on the other hand, are the most courageous and passionate person I know." 

"You're just saying that because I'm crying." You hiccuped as you gripped his shirt.

He laughed shortly, "I'll admit that I hate to see you cry, Leopard." You relaxed a bit against the nickname, "But I mean it." He kissed the top of your head, "I just get so fucking angry when I see those bastards looking down on you, like they all wanted to do fucking math for a living, like they weren't just too cowardly to follow their own fucking dream, so they channel all their self hatred onto my beautiful fianceè, who doesn't need a boy to make her look better when compared to a family full of idiots." He swayed you both back and forth as you caught your breath, "I think the world of you, fuck, you are my world." You sniffled, relaxed against his form as he swayed, "I'm sorry I was an asshole and most importantly," He cupped your face to look at you, "I'm sorry I made you think for a second that I think of you as anything less than the person I admire the most." Your eyes softened as he wiped the stray tears from your cheeks with his thumbs.

"Ugh, Jin," You groaned into his chest, "Why are you so good with words?" You sighed, leaning into his touch, "I'm sorry I freaked out, I really don't give too much of a shit what you say to them, but I'm just so used to them being the standard for perfection and so I just thought that if you think they suck, then I really must be nothing more than a pretty face to you." You shifted your gaze to the floor, uncomfortable spilling your insecurities after a fight.

"Are you kidding?!" Jin's tone demanded your attention, "I think you're a goddamn magician with the shit you can do for sets and for screen plays, your mind is fantastic and your personality lights up my life!" 

"Jin-"

"I love you so much, you are beautiful, yeah, but you're also intelligent, strong, hardworking, clever, fearless-" Jin's gushing was cut short by your lips smashing onto his in a kiss he quickly melted into. His hands went to your waist as he pulled you flush against him and massaged your mouth with his own.

You both pulled away to catch your breaths, "I love you too, you obnoxious, crazy, and stubborn man." You huffed against his mouth, "Thank you for standing up for me, babe, but just wait till we finish eating next time, hm?" 

Jin nodded before pressing a quick kiss to your lips, "Now that's how you compromise." He grinned, "To make up for it, I'll make you your favorite, since my poor little Leopard didn't eat." You smiled before stealing another kiss, "Also I feel terrible for making you cry, so I'll get started." He chuckled lightly.

Before he could pull from your embrace, you pulled him in for another kiss as you stood on your tippy toes, "Darling?" You nuzzled your nose onto his as he hummed in question, his knees weakening, as you gripped his collar to bring him down and whisper in his ear, "If you really want to make my family sweat, tell the more about what you do for a living Mr. Board Member and Computer Science man." You mused playfully before placing a kiss to his ear as he straightened and met your eyes. The light had returned to them along with the smile you gave him, "Or whatever your impressive title is." You giggled, making him smile wide as he took in your features.

"Stop distracting me, beautiful." Jin chided before giving you a quick kiss and heading towards the kitchen, "You can seduce me after you eat the apology meal!" He called from the kitchen making your roll your eyes as you sat on the couch, "Gosh, my fiancè keeps trying to have makeup sex with me!" He whined sarcastically, making you smile.

You scoffed mockingly, "Oh really? Do you want me to tell her to stop?" You joked as you heard a small clatter of pans.

"NO!" Jin called as he collected himself, making you laugh, "I can handle it just fine, I'm a strong man!" He called out, not knowing you had snuck into the kitchen.

You wrapped your arms around his waist, chest pressed against his back as he stirred the pot in front of him, "I love you, dummy." You mumbled against him.

Jin paused his movements for a moment before placing on hand over yours. He closed his eyes for a moment, blissfully sighing before his face relaxed into an equally blissful smile, "I love you most, Leopard." He squeezed your hand as you nuzzled into him. Jin could put aside his pride for you and you alone, he would move mountains for you. However, he had all intentions to put your family in their place, and to make sure they understood their place was beneath you. You, his goddess, his universe, his lovely Leopard.

submission:

Reputation is about more than one relationship; a thesis by anon

Hello! I am that anon who thinks Rep is about more than one relationship and this is a hill I am very much willing to die on. I believe there are (at least) two relationship stories told in detail on this album.

One is the relationship between two very famous women (*cough*Kaylor*cough), who are struggling to make it work because of the public pressures. The other is between Taylor and someone who is out of the public eye, or at least someone she is able to keep the relationship completely private. I’m not going to speculate on whether that’s Lily or Joe (lol so full disclosure I don’t think it’s Joe but someone else might) or maybe someone else we don’t know much about. All I know is that there is more than one relationship being discussed. Let’s dive into this analysis, shall we?

The first explicit mention of the public relationship - let’s actually just refer to it as Kaylor from here on out - is on End Game.

Big reputation, big reputation Ooh, you and me, we got big reputations Ah, and you heard about me Ooh, I got some big enemies (yeah) Big reputation, big reputation Ooh, you and me would be a big conversation Ah, and I heard about you (yeah) Ooh, you like the bad ones, too

Tay’s lover on here is someone with a big reputation, and being with the person would be a big conversation. Endless Kaylor analyses have discussed this as ‘proof’ that it’s not about Joe. Which, yes, obviously. But equally obviously, any woman in a relationship with Tay would be a big conversation so once we exclude Joe as a possibility, as we rightfully should, we wind up with plenty of other options.

Later in the song we do hear more explicit Karlie lines like “it’s like your body is gold”. We all suspect Karlie is gold (I tend to agree), so let’s call it a Kaylor anthem. Cool. Then, what can we learn about their relationship from this song?

I don’t wanna touch you, I don’t wanna be Just another ex that you don’t wanna see I don’t wanna miss you (I don’t wanna miss you) Like the other girls do I don’t wanna hurt you, I just wanna be Drinking on a beach with you all over me I know what they all say (I know what they all say) But I ain’t tryna play I wanna be your end game (End game) I wanna be your first string (First string) I wanna be your A-Team (A-Team) I wanna be your end game, end game

The lyrics explicitly suggest Tay’s begging the lover to make it work. It’s “I wanna be” not “I am”. She’s craving affirmation, she’s wanting to be chosen; we can pick that up from the repetitive nature of the song. First string, A-team, end game… She just wants for her to be the one. Some might say that would be fun. She’d love for them to wind up together - but there is no clear sign in the lyrics that it’s an actual possibility. It’s what she wants. She’s trying to convince her lover that she is committed, but they never resolve that commitment in the song. It’s never fully requited. No matter how many times she offers what she ‘wants’, there is no response.

Later, she sings:

I hit you like bang We tried to forget it, but we just couldn’t And I bury hatchets, but I keep maps of where I put ‘em Reputation precedes me, they told you I’m crazy I swear I don’t love the drama, it loves me And I can’t let you go, your hand prints on my soul It’s like your eyes are liquor, it’s like your body is gold You’ve been calling my bluff on all my usual tricks So here’s the truth from my red lips I wanna be your end game (End game) I wanna be your first string (Me and you) I wanna be your A-Team (Be your A-Team now) I wanna be your end game, end game I wanna be your end game (oh, I do) I wanna be your first string (first string) I wanna be your A-Team (A-Team) I wanna be your end game, end game

I’ve referenced part of this above, because it’s where the Kaylor-ness of it all gets more explicit (drinking/liquor/intoxication, gold, handprints/footprints). But again, this isn’t a happy ‘in love’ song. It’s Taylor actively trying to convince Karlie that her feelings are real. “Here’s the truth” she says - that doesn’t sound romantic, it sounds like they’re fighting and wanting to make things work but it’s all proving to be incredibly challenging.

When we add Taylor’s tone of voice in - and the almost forlorn “I wanna be your end game” at the start - my reading makes a lot of sense. It’s definitely a Kaylor song; Kaylor songs are always steeped in anxiety.

Our next clear Kaylor song is ‘Don’t Blame Me’ which (importantly) Taylor didn’t write, but which clearly picks up on themes she finds relatable. Apparently it’s similar to Hozier’s Take Me To Church (I don’t know much about Hozier, but from a quick glance at those lyrics that’s not a wildly happy song either).

Something happened for the first time In the darkest little paradise. Shaking, pacing, I just need you. For you, I would cross the line, I would waste my time, I would lose my mind. They say, “She’s gone too far this time.” Don’t blame me. Love made me crazy. If it doesn’t, you ain’t doing it right. Lord, save me. My drug is my baby I’ll be using for the rest of my life.

We’re going back to that same theme from End Game - Tay is begging her lover to make it work. “For you” she says, “I” would do just about anything. Cross the line, waste time (a biggie when you’re Taylor fucking Swift), even lose her mind. Love has made her crazy, unstable - it’s almost a play on the satire of Blank Space. True love seems to have actually made her into that mad woman she laughed at on the previous album. She’s shaking and pacing, craving the physical release of her drug of choice. (The shaking and pacing in a darkened room comes up later on the album again, by the way - it’s clear that Tay is super into Karlie and I do get it, she’s so gorgeous it’s nuts).

Then comes this gayness:

My name is whatever you decide, And I’m just gonna call you mine.

I’m gonna pause here because these call me by your name vibes are just. So. Damn. Gay. But that’s neither here nor there. Tay continues:

I’m insane, but I’m your baby (your baby). Echoes (echoes) of your name inside my mind. Halo, hiding my obsession. I once was poison ivy, but now I’m your daisy. And, baby, for you, I would fall from grace Just to touch your face. If you walk away, I’d beg you on my knees to stay.

Again, we’re picking up those same recurrent themes: she’s asking her to stay, she is willing to risk it all for love. The daisy is a Kaylor inside joke, we all know about Big Sur, so I’m not going to dwell on that.

The name thing is more interesting, as is the ‘halo, hiding my obsession’. To me, both gesture towards the public nature of the relationship that first started in End Game and picks up steam in later songs. “My name is whatever you decide” she says, but the other woman’s name keeps echoing in her mind, possibly because of her lover’s big reputation? I don’t know for sure, but I think it’s fascinating. I think Tay’s got a thing about names - lol Betty and James but also later in this album; bear with me - so I think this whole name bit is of interest. I think Tay likes the idea of the symbolism of names and the concept often comes up in her lyrics…

Then we get the line which suggests one or both of them have a (public) halo, that they use to hide the desperate love Tay feels for her lover. To be honest, that screams glass closeting phase to me. We go straight from ‘hiding my obsession’ to the daisy references. “Glass closeting with me is fun!” cries Tay, “Please stay with me, please please please.”

But once again, there’s no answer.

And then we switch gears and go into Delicate. What we’ve established in the two songs above is Tay is very invested and wants to make it work, and that she’s dealing with someone who is also famous, and that there are complications. One of those complications is that she’s insecure in the relationship.

Delicate opens with:

This ain’t for the best My reputation’s never been worse, so You must like me for me…

It sets a different tone and attitude to the last two songs. For the first time, we’re hearing an analysis of her lover’s feelings. She’s not begging, she’s not urging. She’s shocked that this person wants her for her. The big reputations and the shaking, quaking and pining are suddenly gone.

We can’t make Any promises now, can we, babe? But you can make me a drink…

Here the lover is more involved than she was previously. Taylor has gone from asking for something to saying that this is what’s happening. This is chilled, low key. This isn’t an obsession. This isn’t her ‘hitting like bang’. It’s two people starting something very… delicate. It’s not love at first sight, it’s an exploration of possibilities. They’re going to a dive bar, they’re hanging out. It’s calm and peaceful. Her anxiety here is a gentle, delicate, romantic one. It’s not dramatic like on the Kaylor songs.

Come here, you can meet me in the back Dark jeans and your Nikes, look at you

The theme of secrecy comes in strong on the lines above. They’re hiding, and they’re private. This is not “I would fall from grace just to touch your face” - the stakes are markedly lower. It’s the start of something new, something beautiful. She’s starting over again. And she’s doing so with someone who is willing to hide with her.

This is in sharp contrast to our Kaylor anthems, as we’ve already seen above. Ready for another Kaylor song? So It Goes (again, not by Tay but thematically linked) is peak Kaylor.

See you in the dark All eyes on you, my magician All eyes on us You make everyone disappear, and Cut me into pieces Gold cage, hostage to my feelings Back against the wall Trippin’, trip, trippin’ when you’re gone

Okay, here we have a gold cage imprisoning Tay and a ‘lightning strikes every time she moves’ woman stealing the attention of everyone who sees her. She’s got Tay backed up with nowhere to go and tripping when she’s gone. That’s the same insecurity from before.

'Cause we break down a little But when you get me alone, it’s so simple

She’s explicitly acknowledging their problems, but the problems fall away when they’re in bed or having a romantic interaction.

'Cause baby, I know what you know We can feel it… And all the pieces fall Right into place Getting caught up in a moment Lipstick on your face So it goes… I’m yours to keep And I’m yours to lose You know I’m not a bad girl, but I Do bad things with you So it goes…

The above doesn’t need much additional analysis, there are Kaylors who’ve done it and I recommend going to read those (or just looking up times Tay ended up with smudged lippy around Karlie).

Here’s the really relevant bit:

Met you in a bar All eyes on me, your illusionist All eyes on us I make all your grey days clear and Wear you like a necklace I’m so chill, but you make me jealous But I got your heart Skippin’, skip, skippin’ when I’m gone

Does that sound the same as the ‘dive bar on the East Side where you at?’ Because to me, while describing similar situations - dates in bars - they are explicitly different in mood, tone and atmosphere. In Delicate, Tay and her lover were hiding out in the back, having a heart to heart. Here, the bar has ‘all eyes’ on them. Kaylor both have big reputations and Karlie makes Tay anxious and jealous. She’s not ever sure where she stands with her. The best she can come up with (and you must listen for the high-pitched, uncertain tone with which this line is sung) is that Karlie’s heart skips when Tay’s gone. That’s hardly explicit confirmation of deep, requited feelings.

You did a number on me But, honestly, baby, who’s counting? I did a number on you But, honestly, baby, who’s counting? You did a number on me But, honestly, baby, who’s counting? Who’s counting? 1, 2, 3

This once again acknowledges the difficulties in the relationship. It is not ‘Delicate’. It is not always happy. It’s a proper fucking mess.

Cool now let’s take a look at another Kaylor anthem:

I, I loved you in secret First sight, yeah, we love without reason

I hear the naysayers point to the ‘in secret’ as paralleling Delicate (which so far has been the only one that’s not about Karlie). The thing, though, is that this is about love at first sight/physical attraction/lust - not about the meaningful emotional connection we glimpsed in Delicate. Delicate is explicitly not about love ar first sight or love without reason. It’s about embarking on something new and beautiful but having trepidation along the way. It’s about careful connection.

My, my love had been frozen Deep blue, but you painted me golden

I’m including this as further evidence this is about Kaylor. As I said Karlie = gold. We’ve heard this image in every Kaylor song. You know what didn’t feature in Delicate? Gold. Spoiler: it won’t feature in CIWYW and KOMH either.

I could’ve spent forever with your hands in my pockets Picture of your face in an invisible locket You said there was nothing in the world that could stop it I had a bad feeling And darling, you had turned my bed into a sacred oasis People started talking, putting us through our paces I knew there was no one in the world who could take it I had a bad feeling

In this verse we have people talking and noticing this couple. She’s describing a well-known, public relationship. It isn’t a secret, not really, despite the actual love being kept somewhat secret. Their locket may be invisible but despite that, this relationship is something well known. Furthermore, we already know she has had a bad feeling. That’s kind of the premise of many of her other Karlie anthems - she’s begging Karlie to stay and trying to convince her that they have something real and serious. She is constantly trying to convince Karlie of the seriousness of her feelings. And, well, the song ends with her saying she’d like to dance with Karlie again but there’s no real way forward, seeing as their hands are tied. The whole thing is quite sad.

Let’s look at the other very very Kaylor song (like there’s literally no other way to read it):

Our secret moments In a crowded room They got no idea About me and you There is an indentation In the shape of you Made your mark on me A golden tattoo All of this silence and patience, pining and anticipation My hands are shaking from holding back from you (ah, ah, ah) All of this silence and patience, pining and desperately waiting My hands are shaking from all this (ha, ha, ha, ha)

We have the familiar desperation, the shaking, the gold, and the secret moments in plain view. And again, they’re both very famous:

Everyone thinks that they know us But they know nothing about All of this silence and patience, pining and anticipation

We also get this bit:

Say my name and everything just stops I don’t want you like a best friend

There’s the name thing again and after that the gayest, most glass closety line I’ve ever witnessed. “I don’t want you like a best friend”, she says. I want your body. I want your love. I want us. I want this relationship to be real.

You know what that clarification is in sharp contrast to:

(Call it what you want, call it what you want, call it) So call it what you want, yeah Call it what you want to

Tay didn’t want to call it what you want with Karlie. She wanted to call it end game, first string, A team. She didn’t want to be friends. People talking about them caused her anxiety and lead to the breakup described in DWOHT. CIWYW has that renewed joyful tone that she had in Delicate. It’s hopeful and optimistic. It’s all about about connection and meaningful interactions:

I want to wear his initial on a chain round my neck Chain round my neck Not because he owns me But 'cause he really knows me

This is not an invisible locket, this is not about sex and getting clothes off in bathtubs, this is about a really deep emotional connection which we first heard on Delicate. Notably, it’s the third time she speaks of necklaces on the album, but it’s the first that it’s not sexual. It’s also - importantly - not invisible. It’s not comparing the lover to a necklace (like before, which makes it a physical connection) or saying their relationship can be entirely symbolized by one. She’s saying she’d actually love to actually have tangible physical proof of the relationship. She wouldn’t have said that about Karlie because she wasn’t expressly convinced the feelings were fully mutual. Also, this song is missing that desperate pining and longing that she experiences for Karlie in the Kaylor songs.

I know people hear “Karlie” instead of “Call It” but honestly it makes more sense as one of the non-Kaylor songs. I think maybe the rhyme is her trolling Karlie - call it what you want, which is certainly not what she had with Karlie. This would also kind of explain the laugh in Miss Americana. If someone sang me a song about how things are good between us, and added in a dig at her ex, I’d laugh too. And let’s be honest discussing exes - especially exes in the same social circle (Tay, Lily and Karlie) - is peak lesbian culture.

One more thing:

Cause… My baby’s fit like a daydream Walking with his head down I’m the one he’s walking to

Karlie has never had her head down. She is super active on socials, as a model, and as a philanthropist. Karlie has never been quietly walking “to” Tay. She’s been stunting and traveling and being extraordinarily visible. And all the Kaylor songs deal with that very public nature - with rumors and discussions and everyone’s eyes being on Karlie and the anxiety that causes Tay. I know some Kaylors think they just went underground after being caught making out but that’s just not what’s being described in CIWYW. It’s a different person.

My baby’s fly like a jet stream High above the whole scene Loves me like I’m brand new So call it what you want, yeah

She’s explicitly saying her baby doesn’t form part of “the scene” but rather floats above it. How does that fit Karlie going on vacation with Scooter? Or anything about Karlie, actually? This is obviously about someone very private or not particularly famous. Or both.

Bonus lyric from a non love song that points to an actively private relationship is “and here’s to my baby, he ain’t reading what they call me lately” - why would Karlie not read stuff? She is calling the paps on herself and Josh regularly but she’s not following Tay’s PR game? Make it make sense?

Anyhow back to CIWYW. In that song, her baby loves her - a source of anxiety that never gets stated explicitly resolved in the Kaylor songs. Those songs have her begging for love, not stating it’s existence matter of factly. The difference is palpable.

And I know I make the same mistakes every time Bridges burn, I never learn At least I did one thing right I did one thing right I’m laughing with my lover Making forts under covers Trust him like a brother Yeah, you know I did one thing right

I’m including this because of the chilled out atmosphere, the “brother” simile (which to me is kind of the opposite of “not wanting you like a best friend”) and the insistence that this is “right” which is absent in the Kaylor songs.

KOMH keeps with that same quiet, calm, positive energy.

I’m perfectly fine, I live on my own I made up my mind, I’m better off being alone We met a few weeks ago Now you try on calling me, baby, like trying on clothes Salute to me I’m your American Queen And you move to me like I’m a Motown beat And we rule the kingdom inside my room 'Cause all the boys and their expensive cars With their Range Rovers and their Jaguars Never took me quite where you do

“Try on calling me” like “trying on clothes” is that same idea from Delicate. Things are early, and uncertain. They’re exploring this and seeing where it goes.

This is not a public relationship, it’s entirely “inside her room”. And it doesn’t feature expensive cars and the visibility her - or Karlie’s - stunts had. (Kinda interesting that she drove Lily in the Toyota, don’t you think? And also drives her/someone in Miss Americana?)

This relationship is super secret:

Late in the night, the city’s asleep Your love is a secret I’m hoping, dreaming, dying to keep Change my priorities The taste of your lips is my idea of luxury

But what’s secret? Not Tay’s love of this person like before. “Your love” is the secret. As I’ve pointed out that affirmation of requitedness never happens in the Kaylor anthems and hiding out in the dark. Additionally “idea of luxury” is very different to her drug imagery from the Kaylor songs, by the way. This is not addictive, this is just nice.

And all at once, you are the one I have been waiting for King of my heart, body and soul, ooh whoa And all at once, you are all I want, I’ll never let you go

I believe the “all at once” contrasts the love/lust at first sight feelings she expressed for Karlie. This didn’t “hit her like bang” - it surprised her after a few weeks. And it’s not just a physical connection. This person rules her heart, body and soul.

And what do they do together? Well it’s less ripping off clothes and more chilled hangouts with someone who makes her happy:

Is this the end of all the endings? My broken bones are mending With all these nights we’re spending Up on the roof with a school girl crush Drinking beer out of plastic cups Say you fancy me, not fancy stuff Baby, all at once, this is enough

This is very cute. It’s very much lacking anxiety. She’s happy with her new person; it is finally “enough”. That’s not true for her relationship with Karlie. “School girl crush” is a very cutesy image - and is in stark contrast to the craving, shaking, pining, and bedpost carving that came with “not wanting you like a best friend”. Notice how the second relationship uses constant friendship/platonic imagery and how that type of imagery is not expressly disavowed in the Kaylor songs.

I also think it’s worth contrasting the “beer out of plastic cups” on the roof with “I’m spilling wine in the bathtub” and “eyes like liquor”. All three references are about drinking - but only one is peppy, cute and upbeat and the others are full of lustful desperation.

Now the other possible reading - implicitly favored by the Kaylor community - is that KOMH, CIWYW, and Delicate are set at a different point in the relationship to the sex songs. Unfortunately that doesn’t really hold water because, as I’ve pointed out, the origin story described is different. Kaylor “hit like bang” and fell in love at first sight. The other relationship started out slow and cautious, but quickly settled into something quietly special. These other songs are about a connection that’s chilled out and very emotional and cerebral. The Kaylor songs are about how much she wants to sex up Karlie and leave scratches down her back (which, I mean, fair). The other songs are about tentative emotions and cutesy intersections.

Also KOMH, CIWYW and Delicate are the three songs that feature British/foreign imagery. (This is why I think they’re about Lily or maaaaaybe Joe but again I doubt that and the scene in MA where a woman laughs during CIWYW contradicts it and I also have further lyrical evidence it’s not him which I’ll address below). In KOMH she says “you fancy me” and describes herself as “an American queen”, in CIWYW her baby’s “fit like a daydream” and in Delicate she asks about the “girls back home”. Also East side and West side in Delicate make more sense as being about London. Dive bars in the East End are a vibe. But that’s neither here nor there.

Why is this analysis important? To me it shows that contrary to the rosy Kaylor depictions, the Kaylor lyrics consistently show they always had massive issues (not dissimilar to her issues with Di actually).

Very quickly on why Joe’s not the muse: he’s referenced in Dress in a verse makes no sense lyrically or musically or thematically in the song and I think is only there to make it slightly less gay because otherwise the song is making Kaylor Facebook official. But the “wake up by your side” doesn’t fit in with the pining and anticipation and drunken bath time fun. It’s just thrown in there as deflection. It doesn’t actually fit the other relationship on the album - it’s very romantic but “my one and only, my lifeline” is not the cutesy tone of the other songs. This verse is just made up and slapped in to feed the hets. The musical accompaniment is so markedly different that it is clear it literally doesn’t belong in the song. The other song that makes reference to him, I believe, is “Ready for it”. I think “I keep him forever, like a vendetta” is very much about her plans for him. But it’s a very different thought to “is this the end of all the endings?” because that’s a far less certain emotion. She’s only 100% sure about Joe because it’s… not real.

And final note: Getaway Car is obviously a satirical piece about Hiddlestunt obviously. And I think New Year’s Day is a general love song about the type of relationship she wants, similar to some of her early songs, not about Karlie or Di or Lily/whoever else. It’s missing any of the imagery associated with either relationship except “don’t ever become a stranger” but it might be written from diary entries (which she has shown us she does). Final final note: I don’t know for sure who Gorgeous is about. It could just be a song about hot girls more generally.

If anyone is interested in further thoughts, I’m happy to do this for Lover and folklore too. I think we need to challenge the myth of Kaylor being perfect. And I think we should listen closely and let the lyrics speak for themselves.

*********************************************

thanks for taking the time to write all this up! let’s discuss!!!

Shut Him Up ~ R.C.

A/n: Listen give me ANY excuse to write Randall and I will

Request: “...Hamish duke or Randall x human male reader we’re one of the Wolfe’s get hurt and the reader is like the care taker of the group and he’s rambling because the guy he likes got hurt and ( which ever wolf you choose because I love them both) to shut him up kisses him because he’s also crushing on the reader and the rest of them are like “ so that’s how you shut him up”...”

Word Count: 1700+

MASTERLIST

"You idiot!" Hamish groaned, his shoulders sagging. "Now Y/n is going to be all over our asses when we get back. You realize that right?"

"Not if you don't tell him," Randall shot back immediately. He hissed at the pain in his shoulder. "It's fine. I'll be completely healed in a few seconds then we can get it cleaned and if no one says anything when we get back, Y/n won't- AH!" He screamed, his hand shooting out to hold his shoulder and his eyes widening. When he pulled his hand away again, it was covered in just as much blood as before.

The group was silent for a long time. But the bleeding didn't stop and when Randall swayed, Jack jumped in to put Randall's good arm around Jack's shoulders. "Let's get him to Y/n. He's not healing, and Y/n has been studying since all that stuff with Hamish went down." Lilith groaned, but it was light. Even Y/n's wrath was less important than making sure Randall didn't die.

The entire trek back to the Den was spent with everyone trying to come up with what to say to Y/n that would get him to freak out the least. But then, halfway there, Randall's knees gave in and Jack had to pick him up completely. Even between the three of them it was becoming more and more obvious that there was absolutely nothing anyone could come up with that would satiate Y/n's worry at seeing Randall pale, bleeding, nearly unconscious and not healing. And that was absolutely fact for two simple reasons.

One: Y/n was like the group mom. He made sure they were all eating and getting sleep and that they put aside time needed to study and shower and wash clothes and do their normal responsibilities like work and Randall's RA stuff in between all the hunting and killing and dealing with a bunch of magicians who seemed hell bent on destroying the world at the drop of a hat or the smallest inconvenience. He had spent so much time taking care of the pack that it was practically ingrained into his DNA to care about all of them. So even hearing about them getting hurt usually set off a rant from Y/n about taking care of themselves and how they needed to be more careful - ESPECIALLY since the whole knife incident with Hamish.

Two: Y/n was in love with Randall. He had only gotten involved in this whole drama, despite being human, because he had flirted with Randall time and time again, but Randall wasn't down for anything serious because Y/n was human and had enough to worry about without supernatural shit bothering him. Y/n was hyper aware of Randall though and as things got really weird and shady, Y/n went poking around. Now they were all here, and better off for it.

Lilith opened the door and called out for Y/n, who came scrambling into the room at the panic in Lilith's voice. He froze when he saw Randall, his eyes widening and his face draining of color. "What the fuck happened?" He demanded rather harshly, looking at the other wolves as if accusing them. He always got like this when it came to Randall. He was always worried about them, but there was a new level reached when Randall got hurt that made him all the more intolerable.

They all loved him of course but things were going to go wrong - why didn't he get that?

"I don't know," Hamish offered, feeling a little guilty. Of all the group, he probably understood Y/n the most. Jack and Alyssa were often at odds and it messed with their relationship. Y/n and Randall... Well, despite all the idiocy on Randall's part, they reminded Hamish a lot of how he and Cassidy used to be. "I'm sorry he just got- there was this witch, and she had a whip-"

"On the couch," Y/n ordered. Hamish obeyed, laying Randall on the couch. Immediately his blood started soaking into the sofa. Jack sucked in a breath. "Tell me what happened Hamish. I need to know so I can figure out how to treat it."

Hamish ran a hand through his hair. "Uh- well, the whip. It only barely scratched the rest of us, but it was about to take Alyssa out. And she's kind of cool sometimes so we were trying to make sure we didn't die and we heal a lot faster than she does so I guess he thought it would be fine. But... it got him really really bad and then it didn't heal. Halfway here his legs gave out. I don't know if he's going into shock or it's the blood loss or... poisoning? I don't know?"

Y/n had taken the time that Hamish talked, looking at the flesh around the cut. He went into full doctor mode, not allowing his emotions to cloud his judgement. "I'll be right back." He ran out of the room and the other three wolves were left to watch Randall begin to bleed out. It was becoming clear that whatever it was, it was moving fast, and Randall... he was about to die.

A hush of horror fell across the room as they all genuinely thought their friend was about to die right in front of them while they were helpless to do anything. Then like some kind of angel sent straight from heaven, Y/n swooped in with a bowl full of blue-purple liquid. He stood over Randall and poured it into the cut, making sure the whole cut was filled and covered in the liquid in the bowl. They all stood with baited breath, worried that Y/n had gotten it wrong or, worse, they were just too late.

Then Randall began healing.

"You're amazing Y/n," Jack sighed, shaking his head as he grinned.

Y/n wasn't amused though. The relief that had wiped all minds of the talking to Y/n had planned faded away as a stern man whose eyes were full of anger turned to the three wolves. "You fucking idiots. Just so you know, wolf's bane. The bitch with the whip coated it in wolf's bane. You're lucky that I noticed the way it look on his skin or he'd have died from magical poisoning. Which means she KNEW she was dealing with wolves." He held out the bowl he was holding, which still was half full of the liquid. "Make sure to get each and every cut you guys have. They might be small, but they'll suck away your strength slowly and never heal until you treat them. If you miss any-"

"What's all that talking about?" Randall groaned. The group looked over to see him sitting up, looking around. "What?"

"You idiot!" Y/n whacked Randall's shoulder, causing the newly awakened wolf to complain out loud about how it hurt. He didn't give the boy the time of day though. "I was just saying that your cut you dismissed? It was done by wolf's bane. I'll make more antidote if needed, so don't feel shy to use it up. If the cuts don't go away completely, put some more on. Symptoms include exhaustion, feeling like your body is really heavy, zoning out, and can get worse and lead to struggling to move or talk." He whipped around to glare at Randall. "Now, you." He reached over, dipping his fingers into the liquid. "Where did you get cut?" Randall took off his shirt, showing his scraped up back and arms. He was far, far more marked up than the others, which is probably why he had such a severe reaction. Y/n began to apply the liquid to all his wounds, but the action didn't stop him from going off. "You know who would have been absolutely unaffected by this shit? Alyssa," he began. He'd already been going on so long that the others in the room were tired. "She would have gotten a little cut and it would have been fine-"

"Y/n please," Randall sighed. "You tell me the same thing every time. I get it, you don't want us to get hurt-"

Y/n shot to his feet. "You came back DYING, Randall!"

"And you fixed me!" Randall shouted back, standing as well. "I'm fine! That's the thing about teamwork. None of us alone are good - we have to stick together!"

"And what if you're attacked when I'm in class across campus, or across the country back at my parents' house? What happens then Randall?" Y/n demanded, getting in Randall's face.

Randall scoffed. "Well you wouldn't do that unless it was for summer vacation, and we already all agreed to stay nearby since everything is hitting the fan."

It was Y/n's turn to scoff. "You know I gave up a lot of shit so I could be here to keep your ass alive?"

"I didn't ask you to do that!" Randall shot at Y/n.

"You didn't have to!" Y/n threw back. They both went quiet, breathing hard as they looked at each other. "Goddamnit Randall, you didn't have to." He closed his eyes, raising his hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. "But you know what? Jack's been learning lots from me, and even more from the Order. He's read the books. If I'm really so annoying then please, let me just see myself out I wouldn't want to-"

Randall suddenly snapped, rushing forward. He grabbed Y/n's face, crashing their lips together. The room was dead silent, even after the two parted. "I'm sorry," Randall whispered. "I just... I'm going to get hurt Y/n. You can't get mad at me every time."

Y/n was quiet. "I-" For the first time since they'd ever seen Y/n, his voice was soft. "I wasn't angry." He didn't ramble or rant like usual. He didn't go off in deep explanation that set off a long conversation. There was no heart to heart and crying and confessing. For the first time, Y/n stood there with all his walls down, eyes glued to Randall, and he let the silence speak for all the things he had never said.

Before Randall could say anything, the other three wolves still in the room made themselves remembered as Lilith teasingly noticed, "So that’s how you shut him up.”

Y/n threw a pillow at her, but she wasn't going to be silenced easily. For a change, Y/n was though, and that was all they got from him. For now... At least Randall had a secret weapon for the next time Y/n went off on him.

-

Male reader tags: @sheepfather​