#I think I’m going to start posting more study related content | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

roseykat · 6 months

Text

TITLE: Table Manners and Bible Studies

PAIRING: Jeongin x reader

SUMMARY: Jeongin, a churchgoer who is also a very sexual person, likes to immerse both you and himself in the realm of sensory play, among other things as well.

WARNING: minors DNI with this post or my blog. I create NSFW SKZ related content and I know I won't be able to regulate every single interaction with those posts so please do not engage with my work or page whatsoever.

TAGS: themes of BDSM centred around sensory play, soft dom Jeongin, explicit language, use of ice cubes, body-safe hot candle wax, a feather, blindfold, safe and consensual play, nipple stimulated orgasm, mentions of religion (no specific religion is being mentioned here but the concept is that Jeongin is religious for the purposes of this work).

MASTERLIST

He goes to church. That’s all you know about one of the guys in your class who always dresses well, dons cute glasses and seems well put together. He’s an intriguing one among the masses of students that attend and even with the volume of people, he still stood out to you even if he was quiet.

However, it was never in your interest to approach a guy like him. He and his four friends, all from the same church, seemed relatively lovely and all kept to themselves. From your perspective, it appeared as if two of the girls really liked him. If they did, you don’t blame them. Whoever he was seemed to be sweet.

“Still eyeing him up?” Your friend Minho pokes you in the ribs with his finger, lulling you out of your thoughts.

“I’m not eyeing him up,” you snap defensively, averting your stare away from his group to refocus on your lunch with him.

“Just say he’s hot,” he encourages. “If I’m willing to admit it, then you should.”

“You think he’s hot?”

“And you don’t?” He questions back, almost offended that you didn’t assume otherwise.

“I suppose that means something coming from a whore such as yourself,” you remember with a sigh.

Minho nods in agreement with your statement, “and as a whore, I’m telling you he’s hot. So why not go for him?”

“That’s not who I want though,” you say to him.

A cackle nearly breaks out from his mouth, “that’s right. So how is the hunt for one of those dom boyfriends going anyway? Isn’t that the type you’re looking for?”

“He doesn’t have to be, but it would help significantly,” you answer truthfully. “I just think that would be the best way to get my foot in the door for getting into BDSM.”

“I seriously don’t know where you got that idea from, but you don’t need to go searching for a boyfriend who’s into BDSM to get into it,” Minho truthfully informs you. “There are sites and apps where you can connect to doms and go from there. But if you do, don’t just jump at the first dom that you see. Always do background checks.”

You sometimes forget that Minho himself is in the BDSM scene. He has been for a while and for as long as you’ve known him, you’ve always been interested in what he does. From his stories, they sound exciting and riveting; exactly the kind of thing you want to try out to make your sexual life a little more lively.

“I know that,” you whine. “If not that, then I don’t really know where to begin.”

“Well, we all start somewhere,” he says with a hint of optimism. “Since you’re interested still, there’s a BDSM convention at the end of this week. If you want to get your foot in the door with it, I reckon you should go.”

“A convention?” You ask with intruigue. “What do they host there?”

“They’re there to promote safe BDSM to people and have a variety of pop up stores on site that sell anything related to it,” he answers. “I’m supposed to be going but, I’ve got something else on at the same time. In fact you can have my concession.”

“Are you sure?” You ask.

“Yeah, it’s already printed off,” he says. “I’ll give it to you on Thursday.”

It was a good idea at first, but come the day of the event, your nerves were shot. It was your first time being surrounded by anything like this. Particularly by yourself. It was a bit stereotypical to assume that the convention was run something along the lines of seeing naked people tied up, some in cages, or live scenes taking place in front of crowds.

That wasn’t the case at all. It was almost like a niche grocery store where the locals gather to buy homegrown fruit and veggies. Some part of that concept helped calm a few nerves.

Once you receive your concession band, you start around the front area of the pop-up stores. People were lining up to see demonstrations of shibari methods and most were interested in buying a series of items for the bedroom.

They were all displayed like sea creatures at a fish market, waiting to be bought. From cattail butt plugs, clover nipple clamps, juicy erotica novels - one of which you picked up - lengths of different coloured ropes, wooden floggers, riding crops, and so much more.

Away from all the chaos at the stalls was an area called BDSMC; BDSM and coffee. It was a way to set people up with potential doms and or subs. Each individual looking for a buddy would order a coffee or drink with a green cup that had either letter on it; D for dom or S for sub. Red cups were exclusively 'do not approach' because the person either didn’t want to engage or they may already have a partner and are just there for some good coffee.

It was an awesome set-up and had you thinking about heading over to maybe find someone who would be interested. However, you stored away that thought as you continued to have a look around.

One thing that was painfully obvious to you was the fact that people weren’t there by themselves. They were either there with a group or their partner, making you feel even more out of place and slightly overwhelmed. But you weren’t going to tap out early. Minho gave you his ticket not only because he couldn’t attend, but also because he wants you to experience what you’re looking for, for yourself.

So you scour out the stores under the guise of your own interest, coming across a few which struck that interest. There was one store tailored specifically to pain play, a heavy aspect of BDSM. Another stall had all to do with sexual health, consent and BDSM - not necessarily selling anything, but just there to answer any questions that people may have.

One place had caught you attention, a store all to do with sensory play and deprivation - a term in which you’ve came across within the realm of research into BDSM.

In nicely orgasnised lines were individual packets of silk blindfolds in a variety of different colours. There were boxes of body safe candles, most likely for temperature play, noise cancelling headphones, sleek metal handcuffs, and other items that had you wondering how they work.

“Hello, anything I can help you with or just browsing today?” One of the shop owners approaches you from behind the table.

“Oh, just browsing thank you,” you reply back to her.

“No worries, let me know if you need anything,” she smiles back at you and walks down to the other end of the long table.

“Hello, do you have any of these in black?” A person beside you asks to another store keeper.

Out of sheer interest, you briefly look up at the person just as an unspoken social acknowledgement while the owner tends to their new customer. But to your absolute shock and surprise, the person enquiring happened to be someone very familiar.

The jet black hair, distinct glasses, the trendy casual outfit...

…there was no way.

“We should do. I’ll have a look around in some of our storage containers just behind the back for you,” she says helpfully.

“Thank you,” the customer responds.

It was definitely him, and whilst your eyes had been glued to his presence for such a long time, his gaze catches onto it.

“Hey,” he spoke in a mousey volume.

You stall in your step a bit just as you were about to walk away to remain unknown, but the angelic purity in the tone of his voice lulled you back. You’d feel bad if you didn’t greet him too.

“Hey,” you say to him awkwardly. “How are you?”

“I’m good thank you, yourself?” He asks back.

“Yeah, good thanks. I know you, sort of. Aren’t you in my class?”

It was a useless question to ask considering you’ve spent too many times looking at him to know that it’s definitely him. That distinct soft expression couldn’t pass you by. The only thing different is that he wasn't swarmed by his usual collective of friends.

A small smile spreads on his face, “yeah. I’ve seen you here and there. You usually sit close to the front.”

“That’s right,” you nod, bewildered that he knows who you are and where you sit during class. “So…what brings you…here of all places?”

Jeongin shrugs with a smile, “interest. You?”

You nod, “also interest.”

The lady pops back from behind the screen with some items, “you might be out of luck. We’ve only got grey and white left but there’s a couples' one for you and your partner here.”

Your mind stutters upon hearing those words come out of the lady’s mouth, “oh he’s not - we’re not-“

“What about any more of these? Preferably in black as well?” Jeongin picks up a baby pink coloured blindfold and presents it to the woman. He seemed to have saved that awkward statement yet wasn’t entirely effected by it as you were.

“I’ll have a look around the back again and see if we’ve got anything,” she says, quickly rushing off.

“Sorry about that,” he says apologetically to her.

He was as nice as he looked. Almost like a gentle, placid puppy which makes you wonder, how is someone like him at one of these conventions. Specifically, someone who is quite religious. You didn’t want to judge right away, but that was the preface of your observation.

“I take it you’ve never been to one of these before,” he points out as he waits.

Your shoulders relax defeatedly, someone had finally ripped down your facade, “can you tell?”

“Just a little bit,” he grins. “But props to you for coming here on your own by the looks of it.”

“A friend of mine recommended I go so I thought I should,” you respond, eyeing up some of the other products.

He nods engagingly, “really? Why did they recommend it to you if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Just…looking to get into BDSM,” you reply honestly, feeling comfortable enough to talk to him about this. Plus there was no point in hiding your intentions given where you are now. “He said I should go to one of these events, check out the stores, and see how some of this stuff works I suppose.”

The lady returns from the back with exactly what he requested while also picking up a few extra things before paying for the lot. Your attention fixates on those items, wondering who he uses them on; a pyrex glass dildo, one tube of strawberries and cream flavoured lube, and also a ball gag

Whoever his partner is must be lucky.

The shopkeeper bags all of the items he paid for in a discrete bag before he thanks her.

“That's a good step, but if you’re a beginner, it’d be best for you to start out small,” he advises just an idea suddenly strikes him. He wonders for a second about whether or not it’s appropriate to ask, but he considers your circumstances and why you’re even here.

“I figured that. No point in me diving right into the deep end when I can’t swim yet,” you agree.

“You know, because we’re both here, we should get together sometime so we can talk about these kinds of things. I could show you how all of these work too if you want,” he pitches his suggestion to you, holding up the bag of things that he just purchased.

You stare up at him, utterly bewildered, “wait, are you serious?”

“Only if you are, otherwise-“

“No!” You cut him off. “I mean, yes - yes I am serious. It’s just, I was shocked that you even asked me.”

He stifles a chuckle as a reaction to you being so oddly yet unforceably cute, “alright then. I’ll give you my number. I’m Jeongin by the way.”

“Jeongin, okay. I’m Y/N.”

It was nice to finally put a name to a handsome face. Jeongin, who was as unsuspecting as the come, had exchanged numbers with you before you both departed. He left you wondering so much more about his personality and particularly his interests with BDSM. It even made you forget to text Minho to tell him how well the convention went.

Right before you decided that you were going to ring him, a text came through to you from Jeongin.

To you from Jeongin: ‘Hey Y/N, it’s Jeongin. It was nice meeting you the other day. I was wondering if you wanted to catch up over coffee to talk and get to know each other more. If so, when are you free?’

You to Jeongin: ‘Hey Jeongin, it was nice meeting you as well. I’m free in the afternoons throughout the week. We could go for coffee on campus after class if it’s not too far?’

Jeongin to You: ‘Nope, that’s perfect. Shall we say Monday straight after? We can head there together.’

You to Jeongin: ‘Sounds good to me. See you then.’

Jeongin to You: ‘Yup! :)’

With those responses from him in mind, it made looking forward to Monday a little more palatable. Usually, it’s hectic with quizzes, tonnes of readings, and a boring two hour lecture. Meeting up with Jeongin meant you had something to look forward to after class.

Just as the lecture comes to an end, you look back to the middle row of seats in the centre section of the room as you pack up your things and see Jeongin waving out to you. You wave back, acknowledging that you’ve seen him and watch him say bye to his friends before he makes his way down to you. A couple of them seemed rather puzzled that he was leaving them, but nonetheless, they let him be.

“Hey Y/N,” he says to you, walking down the steps. “What did you think of that?”

“Boring as per,” you groan. “It made me want to sleep.”

Jeongin laughed, “shall we go before you fall asleep then?”

The pair of you exited the theatre together and headed to one of the nearby cafes on campus. Normally teeming with hungry students, the venue wasn’t as packed as it usually is from the help of classes that run through into lunch. It meant that you and Jeongin were able to receive your drinks relatively quickly in order to sit down and start talking.

“How was your weekend?” He asks you.

You finish bringing your drink down from your lips, “not as exciting as I wished it had been. Mainly just catching up on some of the online work that we were meant to do.”

Jeongin is shaking his head but silently agreeing with you, “I don’t know why they bother giving us tasks to do online.”

“I suppose to make us suffer even more,” you guess.

“I think you might be right, and since it’s worth credit, we have no choice,” he snickers. “But anyway, on a completely different note, what did you think of your first BDSM event?”

“Not as daunting as I was expecting it to be,” you answer honestly. “It was pretty pleasant, to say the least, and the people I met were really nice.”

“That’s good to know,” Jeongin nods. “Usually I hear of beginners who get too overwhelmed and never come back. It’s a shame really because they only see the tip of the iceberg.”

“Do you normally attend those events?” You ask him, still immensely intrigued that he even went in the first place.

“Only when I can,” he responds. “Most of the time, classes and other stuff get in the way, but I’ve found a balance now. What made you want to get into BDSM anyway?”

“A friend of mine is well into that space and I always hear him talking about it. Since then it’s always interested me, so I started doing some research about it,” you answer. “It was the same person who told me to go to that event.”

“Smart choice for doing your research, not many people do and just head straight into something they don’t know,” Jeongin mentally applauds you. “It can turn out to be a really good or really terrible experience for beginners.”

“Yeah, he warned me about that,” you chuckle, just thinking of Minho and what he’s said to you in the past. “What about you? How did you get into BDSM? Sounds like you’re already in that space.”

“I am. I’ve been in it for four years, since the start of my degree,” Jeongin confirms adjusting his black glasses. “I got into it just by interest as well - similar to you, except, I didn’t have the pleasure of knowing someone who was already part of this space so some things I had to learn the hard way.”

“Then I take it that you’re relatively experienced then,” you respond, inferring an assumption already.

Jeongin smiles shyly, almost like he’s somewhat embarrassed by your comment, “you could say that. Is it right to assume that you’re looking for someone to do scenes with?”

You give a nod, “yes. Just…didn’t know who with.”

“That fits then; given that I have some experience and you haven’t yet, then maybe we do a trial, see if we click, those sorts of aspects. What do you think about that?” He asks you.

An excitement thumps against your chest, “I think that’s a good idea.”

“Yeah?” He replies with optimism. “Then if it’s okay with you, do you maybe want to talk about some of your kinks and things that you don’t like and organise a time and place for our first scene?”

“I’d love to.”

Both you and Jeongin brought a lot of ideas to the table, conducting a healthy discussion about what you’re both into and not. Although he openly stated to you that he mainly presents himself as a dom, he was open to switching too. However, for the purpose of getting you into the swing of BDSM, it would be best for him to take the reins.

So with a little more talking, you both came up with a set date and time for the first scene which was to be at Jeongin’s place; not too far from campus. All the information and the logistics leading up to the scene were slightly nerve-wracking but didn’t match your level of excitement.

Considering your inexperience with BDSM, Jeongin had to factor in what would be the best method of easing you into things. Sensory play was the one thing that came to mind. It’s not too extreme, can involve some restraints, and can act as a good stepping stone for a BDSM beginner.

“It’s a good way to start off,” Jeongin said to you back at the cafe. “If it’s just sensory play only, people don’t usually climax from it. But if there’s some sort of sexual penetration that’s involved, then most likely. I don’t do the latter.”

“Still sounds like fun,” you replied.

“It is. I can deprive you of one or more of your senses which will only enhance the other.”

His way of describing the basics of sensory play could’ve easily put you to sleep – not because it was boring, but because his voice was so silky smooth that you could listen to it all day. The fact that he has so much knowledge about a subject was strangely erotic.

With your mind cleared in preparation for the scene, Jeongin flicks you a text an hour beforehand to see if you are still keen. He definitely knows that you are, but it’s also to cover his end as a dom to ensure that you know that you can pull out of the scene before it starts.

To You from Jeongin: Hey Y/N, still on for tonight?

From you to Jeongin: ‘Hey! Absolutely, I’ll text you when I’m at yours?’

To You from Jeongin: ‘I’ll look forward to it.’

Even if you didn’t want to go through with it tonight, Jeongin would be okay with that. For whatever reason why you would say no, he’s happy that you would feel safe to refuse. But never in your wildest dreams would you ever think of refusing, because as soon as it was time to leave, there was no doubt in your mind that you would turn back.

You had showered and packed a bag with a towel, extra clothes in case, a water bottle, and some snacks. If anyone were to come up to you and look into your duffle, their only thought would be that you’re heading to a gym nearby, not heading to your first BDSM scene. It was a nice little secret to have.

As you arrive on the street of Jeongin’s apartment, you text him to say that you’re nearly there and knock on the door once you’ve officially made it.

“Hey,” he greets with his smiley usual self. “Come in.”

“Hey,” you respond, looking around as you step in.

It was rather spacious which is usually not generous with student accommodation. Normally it’s one room cramped with a desk, chair, inadequate storage underneath the single bed and a community bathroom down the hall. By the looks of it, Jeongin had all this space to himself including a small bathroom and mini kitchenette area.

“Wow, you got lucky with student housing around here.”

“Can’t stress the word ‘lucky’ enough,” Jeongin emphasises, closing the door behind you as you take your shoes off. “Took me about four months last year just to apply for a viewing. But after living in shared accommodation on campus, I needed my own space.”

“Fair enough,” you say. “Some student spaces are lucky enough to have wallpaper. But anyway.”

“Would you like something to eat or drink?” He offers. “I bought food earlier on.”

“No it’s okay thank you, I made sure to have some water and food before the scene,” you politely refuse.

“Okay, good,” Jeongin nods, impressed even. Those who forget to eat before a scene will often find that their energy depletes faster, rendering them unable to continue or even worse, it could go hand in hand with a sub drop. “Then in that case, shall we get started?”

Your stomach flips excitedly, “sounds good to me.”

Jeongin does the honours of leading you to his bedroom. It’s adorned with a minimalistic aesthetic and beautiful muted tones. There’s a decent queen-sized bed centred back against the wall. Laid on top of its surface is a black cardboard box and a set of black restraints right beside it in contrast with the white fitted duvet. Flickering on the bedside table burned a red candle.

From what you could gather, it was most likely for wax play, but it smelt amazing. Almost a woody with a tinge of floral essence to it that filled his room.

“We can start the scene by taking your clothes off and I’ll get these restraints ready, okay?” Jeongin suggests to you.

“Okay.”

He steps over towards the mattress, picking up the long restraints. Only two – one for each of your wrists that he was going to link to the bedposts. He secures the ends of them in place while you strip yourself down to your bra and underwear. You fold them over your arms as Jeongin returns to carefully take them from you and places them on his chair in the corner of the room.

He comes back once he’s done, eyeing up your body. It’s not that he meant to gawk or observe you per se, but he was in fact silently appreciating your body. He could only just hide the fact that he’s very taken with how you look and the way you pull off a simple black bra and underwear set.

It wasn’t lingerie, but they were intricated pieces. Jeongin seems to be aware of that when you feel him delicately glide his fingertips down the straps of your bra from behind while you stare into his mirror on the wall.

“This is is pretty,” he says.

You swallow quietly, content with his observation, “yeah?”

“Yes, but unfortunately I need it off for this scene. Is that okay with you?” He asks.

“That’s okay,” you reply clearly.

“Okay then, what’s your colour?”

“Green.”

With your given consent in mind, Jeongin works behind your back to unclasp your bra and places it with the rest of your clothes. It’s not an awkward moment for either of you given that it was nothing in comparison to the things he had planned for you.

“Beautiful,” he comments, his eyes lingering for a few seconds too long in the mirror. Your cheeks instantly become hotter, hoping Jeongin can just hurry up and put the blindfold over your eyes so you don’t have to look at him. “Let’s move to the bed. I’ll get you to lie down so I can put the restraints on your wrists.”

On his instruction, you make your way over to his bed after he moves the black box to the nightstand. You sit down on the mattress edge and prop your legs up until you’re able to lie down flat with your head on his pillow.

Jeongin slightly manoeuvres each of your arms before strapping your wrists into the restraints and for a couple of seconds there, you’re in your own mind. It still baffles you that you struck gold with Jeongin by absolute chance. Not to mention he’s the same person who attends church and goes to bible studies and is the same person who’s tying you to his bed.

“Not too tight?” He checks in with you.

“Nope, that’s fine,” you reply.

Jeongin takes the lid off of the box on the side and takes out the silk black blindfold he purchased from the convention the other day, “okay, I’m going to place the blindfold over your eyes now.”

You nod as total darkness shields you from the predictable. Now you can’t see what’s coming next. The excitement and anticipation hinder all nervousness you’ve been feeling while Jeongin takes a moment to appreciate the state that you’re in. It’s not often for him to be so taken with a person to the point where he just about forgets what he’s doing.

Only then does he realise that he’s in a scene and needs to refocus.

Once he’s content with everything, he decides to move on, “now we can start.”

He goes back to the box, careful not to make too much sound so that you can’t grasp a hint of what might be inside. The first item he picks up is a long, spindly black feather. It’s simple yet very effective, responsible for creating that ticklish sensation when he dances it lightly and softly along your skin. On its first contact, your nerves try to anticipate where Jeongin will take the feather next, but their guesses come up short when he uses it somewhere else.

The feather glides from the base of your throat, downwards and in between your tits. Jeongin then uses it to delicately lick over your nipple, making you keen slightly to one side. You can’t help but suppress a moan by biting down on your lip. It shouldn’t feel this good too early, but you can’t help your body’s natural reaction to the feather that leaves tingles in your muscles throughout its wake.

The smile on Jeongin’s face indicates that he’s enjoying watching you squirm and quietly whimper, still teasing you with the black plume. He drags it from the tips of your toes, up your shin, and right over your clothed pussy, making you press your head back into the pillow.

Jeongin makes a mental note of that reaction and smirks. To him, those small effects of what he’s doing to your body with only a feather, make him wonder how sensitive you really are. But it’s not his whole desire to spend too much time with it and proceeds to move on to something else; the hot wax.

After placing the previous item in the box, Jeongin swaps it for the candle. The catcher has collected a substantial amount of wax at the bottom which will allow him to pour the majority of it out before it starts to solidify. But Jeongin stalls for a moment as he tries to make up his mind on where to pour first.

In his opinion, he wants to cover all the sensitive parts that you’ll let him. Your tits, collarbone, throat, tummy, wherever. Eventually, however, he knows he’ll get to those places. So he starts with your tummy, watching the hot wax drip and dribble onto your skin, hardening as it makes contact.

A gasp is forced out of your mouth, “s-shit-“

“Too hot?” Jeongin asks you, pulling back the candle before he goes to pour again.

“N-No,” you shake your head fervently. “J-Just wasn’t expecting-"

Jeongin pours a steady line of wax in between your tits, prying your mouth open for slightly quiet yet strained moans to roll from the base of your throat.

He expects you to have some sort of reaction to the hot wax, but not like this. Usually, people try to escape from the head, some swear like sailors, and others might scream or yelp. You on the other hand…it makes him wonder if you’re a masochist with the way you’re moaning from the slight pain.

Nonetheless, he drips more wax, this time down your abdomen, forcing you to purse your lips to suppress any sound.

Despite the temperature of the thick content, your brain, for whatever reason, deduces it as a good sensation rather than a bad one. It does burn a bit, but not to the point where you feel like you need to call for a break. That feeling when it settles into the skin where it’s magnificent and warm is too good to pass up, allowing you to keep going.

With the session barely in full swing, you’re trying to keep it together for Jeongin so that hopefully he’d invite you back for another. Yet, within the second you even start thinking about that, Jeongin pours some of the wax, just about the line of your underwear, making you tug hard on the restraints.

“Fuck – oh my god,” you groan, feeling the heat emulsify within your lower half. It spreads beautifully, just where you want it. “That feels…”

“Good?” Jeongin asks, making your back arch slightly when he drips more wax from your sternum to just above your belly button. There are some areas that he won’t cover with the wax since he wants enough sensitive space for the next part of the scene.

“Y-Yes.”

Since Jeongin has some verbal confirmation from you that the heat feels good, his indication of pinning you for being a masochist grows stronger. It’s not abnormal, but it’s rare. Not everyone is a fan of pain and some even find it confusing when it’s applied in the bedroom.

That’s not Jeongin though. He appreciates pain and pleasure in a controlled environment. In saying that, he cannot make a full observation of whether or not you’re a full-blown masochist. He’d need to actually ask you first and run other ‘tests’ to achieve a result.

In light of the pain, Jeongin makes use of the little wax he has left, steadily pouring it onto the underside of your tits – close to where you want it. When there’s no content left at the bottom of the catcher, he moves on once more. This time, to a completely opposite temperature.

He sets the candle back down on the nightstand, leaving it to continue burning so that the aroma fills the room rather than smoke if he were to blow it out. You then hear his footsteps shuffling around to the other side of the bed, making you wonder what it is that he’s doing. But despite tuning your ears into his every movement, Jeongin makes sure to be as careful as he can to ensure that you don’t know what’s coming next.

The one thing that you hadn’t noticed in his room the second you walked in was a mini tin bucket of ice cubes on the other side of his bed. He gave away zero hints towards his next move, so when he quietly picked up one of the cubes and immediately placed it just above your tits, you suck in a huge gasp.

“Geez, I wasn’t ready,” you sigh out some of the anticipation that’s building inside of you.

Jeongin smiles, “good.”

The areas of your body that are free from the hardened wax allow him to glide the ice cube gently over your skin. The temperature in comparison to the wax is electrifying, more so than what you ever would have anticipated – had you known it was coming.

Jeongin watches the ice cubes melt from your body heat, seeing the droplets of water pool for a second and run down your sides. When the first cube has melted down completely, Jeongin picks up another. This time, he drags it slowly above the band of your underwear again.

“Mm! Fuck…” you exclaim loudly, trying to conduct the sensation when it only just builds. “S-Sorry.”

“You’re okay,” Jeongin reassures you.

He then brings the ice cube up to one of your nipples, causing you to arch your back and tug on the restraints simultaneously as a sharp gasp leaves your mouth. The corners of Jeongin’s mouth perk up at your reaction. He doesn’t want to be too predictable and switch to your other nipple. Instead, he manages to pick up another ice cube and uses it on your other nipple, dancing it around your sensitive buds that have begun to stiffen and perk up.

Your poor brain is confused by the stimulation. It’s not happening between your legs but you can feel it from your chest. It feels weird not to be contracting around anything, which only makes you wish you were. Nonetheless, it’s still valid stimulation that you feel building and at first, you’re not sure if it’s an orgasm that’s forming or if it just feels good.

Regardless of the matter, you can’t help it. It’s patterning the pleasure for you to experience without you having any say in it whatsoever. Your mind is muddled with what to say – how to express how you feel or what’s happening to your body.

Jeongin has some idea of it now that he’s been listening to you panting and watching you writhe on his bed just from a couple of ice cubes. However, he wants to see how this plays out.

“J-Jeongin,” you mumble, sucking in small breaths of air. “I’m…”

His ears spring up at the sound of his name, but he refrains from saying anything at all. Instead, he picks up another ice cube, allowing the one in his left hand to melt away before applying the fresh one. The chilly sensation replenishes but it doesn’t stop that sensation that you can feel in your tits all the way through to your pussy. Even though it feels similar to an orgasm, it triggers zero verbal response when it decides to hit you out of nowhere.

Jeongin sees your mouth part, your legs bracketing together like they’re trying to find something to clamp around. All the while, he doesn’t stop stimulating your nipples with the cubes until your back is flat on his bed again. He had to see it through to the end.

Breathless and slightly dazed as you were, the first thing that came to mind was that you did in fact cum. Following that came anxiously wondering what Jeongin’s reaction was.

At that, an invisible weight of embarrassment starts tugging you down. You wanted the blindfold to remain over your eyes, terrified of meeting whatever expression was laden on Jeongin’s face. There was no point in trying to gauge how he reacted when you orgasmed, but there was one thing for sure and that was he didn’t stop you from doing it.

A few lingering moments later, Jeongin becomes satisfied with the tail end of the scene. He got through the aspects of sensory play that you both wanted to cover from the conversation you had at the beginning of the week.

He gently removes the silk blindfold from your eyes, fixing some of your hair in the process to get it out of your eyes. Even though your eyes shy away from his face, Jeongin can easily see the deep red burning through your cheeks.

“I’ll get these off for you,” Jeongin murmurs, already freeing one of your wrists from the restraint before moving on to the other.

Once you’re completely unrestricted, you sit up straight away and start blabbing out an explanation to him.

“Just so you know, I didn’t have other intentions going into this,” you speak quickly. “I just wasn’t expecting to…to-“

Slightly taken aback, Jeongin had to step in to reassure you that there’s nothing wrong, “Y/N, it’s okay, seriously. It’s not your fault that your body couldn’t help but do what it needed to. But you’ve just come out of a scene and I want to make sure that you’re ok-“

“Yes but, you said the other day that people don’t usually climax from sensory play only,” you interrupt him.

He softens a bit, a small grin forming on his face, “I said ‘usually’ not ‘never’. I didn’t rule out that possibility.”

You suddenly click onto his words, “so there is a possibility that they still can.”

“Yes, but you don’t have anything to be embarrassed about or sorry for. Some people can orgasm through nipple stimulation. It’s not always easy, but you managed to do it, with ice too, and relatively fast. Plus, I thought it was cute,” he responds.

‘Cute?’ If melting from embarrassment was a thing, you’d be a puddle all over his floor. Your face comes to fall into your hands, almost making him giggle.

Jeongin then continues, “now, if you’ll let me help you, I’ll show you to the shower to get some of the wax off. Then we can have some of that food I was talking about earlier.”

A/N: again, this was meant for Kinktober but my dumb ass didn’t upload it. I’m turning this into a bit of a slow burn series, but not just yet because I’m working on other things atm as listed down below:

1. Noxious Compulsions

Minsung x reader (you can find the snippet here)

2. Foul Play

Part 2 to Don’t bite the hand that feeds you

3. Venom Eater

Part 2 to Venom Biter

4. Some things are better left known

Part 2 to ‘Some things are better left unknown’

These are the main pieces that I’m working on at the moment bc they will be quite dense, and I try to add as much detail in as I can. However, there are 100% other things that I have still sitting in my Doc’s folder that I’ll release too!

#rosiewritesskz #stray kids smut #skz smut #lee know smut #han jisung smut #bang chan smut #hyunjin smut #changbin smut #felix smut #i.n smut #bang chan x reader #lee know x reader #changbin x reader #hyunjin x reader #han jisung x reader #felix x reader #seungmin x reader #i.n x reader

536 notes · View notes

accio-victuuri · 2 months

Text

February CPNs

hello! it’s that time of the month again that i compile the sweets brought to us by the boys! this month started out very quiet but in this fandom will mean that things will take a turn in the next week/s. you just never know what will happen next. i have added some commentary here on certain incidents that i didn’t talk about separately on my blog to have “bonus content” for this round-up.

• XZ’s GQ cover and collaboration sweets + additional ones connected to fake rumor

• not really cpn, but our boys continue to make it in the weibo hot search trend report - i still hate sina weibo but i understand how it’s relevant for them.

• XZ’s wedding suit from the AV festival. yes, this was made for him but we just had him wear that white backless wedding suit by jacquemus for GQ and now this? hmmmm. me thinks he has a preference? lol. he prefers white and that’s fine, but the choice of what looks like a wedding suit is 👀. i am on standby, let me see if this continues.

pair it off with WYB! and it’s perfect. tho i would prefer it if they are both in white. 🤍

• xzs has the same caption as a cpf

• yibo’s watch and gg’s GQ props connection the number 91 and 3.

• chinese new year candies - gg’s weibo post, wyb’s red envelope cover clues etc

• rufeng shares new thailand fm rehearsal footage

• tencent video posting their new year vcr so close together! they could have easily posted it one after the other but maybe they didn’t want some solo fan drama. i’m happy that bobo continues to collab with 10c, and ZZ is not exclusive to 10c anymore— so hopefully this means in the future they can work on a project together <3

• clowning over XZ’s song in spring festival gala as you wish + same composer as wyb’s singles and how wyb was listening to a song from this artist lately.

• this parallel between their looks. it’s not just their characters that match each other, but their outfits from certain events. so classy!

but i think this one is the best. seeing them get recognition for their acting in the past few months has been very rewarding. all the hard work and challenges are bearing fruit. remembering them talking about wanting to become professional actors and really take that path — studying and dreaming together. now here we are 🫶🏼

• a cute tidbit, but the cat xz is playing with is called xiao wang. that’s because on it’s back looks like the character for wang! what a coincidence!!!! 🥹

• Bottled Joy stirring the CPN pot again by posting this on 2/13. As You Wish. The context of the post is that, as you wish — fans can get these wallpapers and photos of Bobo. but it’s a coincidence cause it’s the english title of the song GG sang @ BRTV Spring Festival Gala. 👀 the colors too, white and silver which is the same color combination of GG’s outfit. This may be meh to some, but knowing Bottled Joy’s cpn history, you can’t blame us.

• Golden Hour and Eason Chan songs @ yibo’s playlist

• Small weekend roundup - includes mention of asian pop magazines where the boys are both mentioned, supplement to xz using tickets for his spring festival photos last year as support of bobo’s movie and the phone card case appears.

• Rumor of Wang Yibo being in Hengdian - one / two / three ( i feel like this one is up there with the leica camera and gg’s bday cpn but this one is more risky on their part. as i have said in my posts, what is important is they are safe and happy. it’s their personal life. their relationship is between the two of them. as cpfs, we should be protecting them and not be people they are wary of. if we are not careful, we are no different from ss and yxh. )

• On 2/20, Yuehua & YBO have posted about the slander recently going around related to WYB and that they have reported it to the police. This went really high on HS and was widely talked about, even Du Hua reposted and reacted to it. Hours later, XZS has posted their own reminder to fans in relation to people disturbing his drama filming. What made it more important is that XZ reposted it too and put in a very firm reminder to everyone.

to give some context, the horrible rumor regarding WYB was spread around by mostly XZ fans. There was a melon that said “X” has STD and then toxic people started saying it’s WYB ( cause toxic xz fans doesn’t want it linked to XZ because of the clue given so they throw it to WYB. i know it sounds stupid, but it’s actually a common tactic done by both sides ) and even fabricated some photos. another actor, xukai was also implicated and he also reported to the police.

so this can be read by so/os as XZ&XZS trying to cover up for the toxic solos and what they did. i get why other people will think that and i personally wanted them to address the bad things his solos do. however i also understand why xz and his team can’t “betray” the solo fans. that’s just how it goes. however, in cpf interpretation, this is XZ’s way of taking away the heat from wyb and a way of putting a stop to the conversations about that horrible lie. it worked in a way that it went on HS, but not as high as WYB’s. I was also surprised that XZ reposted it himself. i am aware that the leaks and everything else is a serious issue and XZ is someone who hates being a bother to the crew. but he usually doesn’t do this. he usually leaves it to XZS or the drama account. This tells me that he personally wants to lend his name and his weibo account, to get more of the heat. The last line he said can also be a message to his toxic so/os: respect others and respect yourself.

• On 2/20, there were tarot readings some BXGs have enjoyed. One is this that is a new year CP reading done on 2/4. What made fans 👀 are:

1. this card, where OP said it’s them being hand in hand and don’t get tired of each other. and in the background is a sacred building, which symbolizes them having a vow to each other.

more cpn was added into it when GG did MFW and people realized not to take this literally cause it could be representing the Duomo.

2. Here is the part that was v interesting to cpfs cause this person gave a prediction that followed what we cpn and happened in the next couple of days.

The two of them haven’t had many official activities recently. So from February 4th, there is a chance for the two of them to meet each other in the past few days. And as soon as the two of them meet, they won’t be going out. Yibo knows he is active but he will close up and be willing to hide at home for XZ.

this is so close to what we speculated! that they spent a quiet cny break together. 🥹🥹🥹

3. Next one is so on point it’s scary cause i have already discussed the bad rumor going around and was directed at WYB before this entry. OP was sort of right. tho i don’t know it this will be another hateful rumor, i hope not.

My prediction is that it will be in March 2024, around this time, I feel that WYB will have a a force of public opinion surrounding him. It's unfriendly to him. This power of public opinion including but not limited to WYB. If we use the 8 of Swords to understand the external environment, it is a relatively sharp. There is some public opinion about the two of them that may cause some trouble

If something happens to WYB, XZ will immediately rise up and have to rush out to protect him. XZ will work hard behind the scenes silently in his own way and are some practical actions.

I don’t think i need to further explain. It fits what happened in 2/20. 👁️👄👁️

4. WYB’s resources for 2024 will be very good. In the first quarter, the number of resources was not very large but the quality of the resources is very good. Then the Queen of Pentacles in the third quarter. In the fourth quarter, the Queen of Cups.

For context: The Queen of Pentacles, therefore, depicts a certain level of success and prosperity. But the rabbit at the bottom cautions us that we should be careful of where we leap when we are chasing that success. Queen of Cups - Generally speaking, this is a positive card for both career and finances, suggesting you're "in tune with yourself, have a good work-life balance going on, and overall a positive job experience.

The reading is close to 1 hour long and I just can’t translate it all so i’m going off what CPFs are highlighting.

• XZ’s pre Milan flight Gucci & camcorder cpn

• Fake Rumors : getting caught kissing / spending time during CNY

• XZS first post in Milan is the invitation given to XZ by Tod’s for the show. Those who had the same time as Milan saw the actual time stamp which is 1823. A beloved kadian number!!!!!

• xz’s collar and whole look for GUCCI MFW gave us so many thoughts. lol. i know sexualization of the boys is a complicated issue in the fandom but when things like this happen — how can we stop? lol. no. but seriously. it is what it is.

• checking their fingernails + similar pose to HB

• a comment that implies xz went to zhuhai with wyb to ride a motorcycle

• their photos match so well. 🌅

from zz’s post in milan. it’s filled with the elements they love like the moon and a beautiful sunset background. gg was also showing off his re web shoes which is of course, because he is a gucci ambassador and all that but the “web” cpn is getting stronger. however, i am personally losing my mind over the implications in the caption he used.

• clues in zz’s mfw interviews, matching talismans on their phone cases and similar ads for shu uemura & loreal

• 8 fake rumors from CQL shoot/era that i posted about 📝

• A place CPFs landmark lol

• spotted same mannerism! twins ☺️☺️☺️☺️

see you all next month for another round up of sweetness! just continue to support the boys and ignore the toxic moves of irrelevant people. fandom is supposed to be fun and a safe space so i hope we all fight to keep that love & peace here 🫶🏼

#bjyx #yizhan #there is no science here i’m just clowning like i always do

123 notes · View notes

tokidokitokyo · 7 months

Note

I have been on Japanese language studyblr for 4 years now and I don’t know if it’s only me but I see a decline in new blogs or old blogs don’t post anymore, do you have any recommendations for blogs? I like to feel a small sense of community and unfortunately it isn’t there anymore.

Hello! I've been getting a lot of (more than zero) questions like this lately!

I would agree that compared to when I started this blog, it feels like the engagement in Japanese langblr/studyblr is down. I think that there tends to be cycles in this as in many things, such as when people are going to school vs when they graduate and slow down the posting or stop completely. Also seasonally it changes (I hope it will pick up in the fall!). There is also a certain level of interest amongst tumblr users that varies depending on the trends (I think there might be more Korean blogs recently? maybe not?). Maybe we're just waiting for the next generation to start?

Live changes and people focus on different things, and I am probably one of the only weirdos on here who consistently focuses on Japanese language (also pics I love sharing pics) despite trying to have a real life balance. I use it as a method of studying, thus explaining my consistency.

TL;DR I went through my feed and #japanese langblr and #japanese studyblr to bring you this very incomplete list of people I follow at the moment and engage with a lot. This list is in no particular order, and contains some shameless plugs. I was trying to focus on mostly new content, blogs that post consistently, and blogs that focus on the language (vocabulary, grammar, kanji, etc.) rather than aesthetics.

My Japanese Tumblr List:

https://www.tumblr.com/warau-okami - I’ve followed this blog for ages, lots of great Japanese resources

https://www.tumblr.com/ohitoyoshi - I’ve also followed this blog for ages, more great Japanese resources

https://www.tumblr.com/inkichan - A new blog that posts lots of Japanese language related things!

https://www.tumblr.com/efurutravel - A blog that’s been around for a while and currently posts higher level articles/vocabulary

https://www.tumblr.com/scoliotaku - An avid studier who is recording their Japanese language journey to the JLPT

https://www.tumblr.com/nihongoseito - Lots of fun vocabulary lists and references!

https://www.tumblr.com/jpn-langblr - A Japanese writing practice prompt generator, but wait, there’s more! Other great Japanese references

https://www.tumblr.com/seitokaisnihongo - Shameless plug, this is the blog for the Japanese discord server I’m in

https://www.tumblr.com/howdoyoulanguage - More good Japanese references

https://www.tumblr.com/onigiriforears - Another shameless plug, for my friend, who sometimes gets busy but spends a lot of time running the discord server

https://www.tumblr.com/goodplan-ipromise - Good infographics for vocabulary divided into topics

Please feel free to add your blog or your favorite blogs for others to find!

#ask answered #anonymous ask #thank you for your message!#メッセージありがとうございました #japanese langblr #japanese studyblr

129 notes · View notes

rinshiroufan · 9 months

Text

An Analysis of Two Different (Yet Complementary) Endings: UBW in the VN and the Anime; and What They Mean

So I recently finished my re-watch of Ufotable’s unjustly maligned 2014-15 adaptation of Fate/stay night’s Unlimited Blade Works route; I thoroughly enjoyed myself, which wasn’t shocking at all—Rin/Shirou is only my favourite fictional relationship (not just romantic, but any kind of relationship). It did however induce to more thoroughly and exhaustively compare the anime original conclusion to the two’s story with the original ending as presented in the VN, if only because I suspect that a careful reading of the nuances of the characterization of both will yield some very fruitful results. It might seem a bit paradoxical at first, but I’ve come to find these two scenes while seen incredibly fondly by most Shirin shippers are in fact quite underappreciated—because there’s just so brilliant and intricate in the subtle ways in which they manage to weave in so much depth and substance into exceedingly simple and seemingly plain plot developments. They are insanely thematically rich, and people often are left far too dazzled and enchanted by the magic of the superficial writing that they miss the genius hidden beneath the surface.

We’ll start off with the comparatively simpler part of the analysis: the original conclusion to Rin and Shirou’s story.

The Ending in the VN

For the purposes of this analysis, I will be skipping all of the epilogue sans the final classroom scene; the reasoning is quite straightforward and should be readily obvious—most of what is of relevance to this analysis is basically confined solely to Rin and Shirou’s final conversation. This disclaimer might appear to be superfluous to some, but I decided to include solely due to my recognizing an asymmetry in the structure that I chose to employ herein—because the section posterior to this one will have to deal with comprehensively picking apart the entirety of episode 25 of the anime. There was a distinct possibility some readers might find the decision somewhat puzzling, so I think it would be no great harm to tell people what precisely they are getting into, though I consider the content itself will be perfectly sufficient in providing people with an understanding of the thought process behind it. So without further ado, let’s finally begin.

The crux of the conversation between Rin and Shirou that caps off UBW is her invitation to him to tag along with her to London as she goes to continue her training in becoming a proper magus—and Shirou’s reaction to her doing so. I will now post all of Shirou’s key internal monologues relating to the matter during his initial contemplation of the matter, omitting all of Rin’s elaborative comment interspersed throughout Shirou’s thoughts for comedic effect, in order to allow us to better understand what precisely the story is trying to communicate here.

She speaks casually, but I'm sure it's an amazing thing. …But London, huh? …That's certainly too far away. My father wasn't in the Magic Association. I'm just like him, and I don't like formal stuff.

[...]

…But I might be able to move there. I can start working more, study English, save up traveling and living expenses, and find a job over there…

[...]

No, no, let's say I am able to rent an apartment there. I don't know what kind of a place the Clock Tower is, but I'm sure Tohsaka will get even busier. …Then it should be better for me to go there after I become a proper magus by myself. Yeah, that sounds good. First of all, London isn't suited for me. I bet I'll faint if I go there and if it's filled with people like Kotomine———

It is at this point that Rin finally notices Shirou has wandered off in his thoughts and thus not paying attention to her—subsequently presenting what amounts to an ultimatum to him. But before we go into that, let us more carefully and studiously parse what we have been presented with here: a dialectic. A dialectic meant to represent Shirou’s inner conflict—an exceedingly minor and trifling conflict, no doubt!—between his ideological aversion and distaste for formal magecraft and the sorts of individuals drawn to it, and his curious desire to nonetheless follow Rin wherever she goes. For literary effect, the text chooses not to immediately explicitly reveal what might be behind this willingness to nonetheless move to London despite his misgiving, but anyone who has been paying even the tiniest bit of attention can easily deduce what might be the cause. Nevertheless, the story firmly establishes a key piece of information going forward—Shirou is not fond of the Mage’s Association. He would certainly not choose to associate himself with them of his own volition.

But now that we have the set-up, we are almost immediately greeted with the pay-off—the previously posted CG of Rin’s brilliant visage in an adorable hunched over position and adorned with a radiant, loving smile, accompanied by the following text:

"So, what will you do, Shirou?" She asks me gently, with eyes that see through me. "——————" My face turns red. Her words and expression blow away my humility and my dislike of the Magic Association. …This is what I mean by Tohsaka holding my weakness. I can't help it if I fell in love with her.

“Oh, why go silent now? I haven’t heard your answer yet.“

She keeps smiling mischievously. She knows what my answer is, but she's mercilessly attacking me. "Uh… I, um…" To be honest, London is too far away, but I can't imagine myself being taught by anyone other than Tohsaka. And I never even thought about parting with her. Most of all, I want to be with Tohsaka. "Be clear, this is important. Will you still come with me, even if it's as my assistant?" She looks up into my eyes. She looks so attractive that I feel like my heart will pop out of my mouth. "S-Shut up, you idiot…! You idiot, idiot, idiot! I-I-If it's so important, tell me about it in a more appropriate place! I can't answer you when it's so sudden…!!!"

I don’t know what’ll happen to me if I keep staring at her, so I look away. ...I still feel Tohsaka’s presence.

She’s happily watching my reaction.

"Hey, Shirou. What's your answer?" She murmurs gently. ………She's got me beat. Is it this hard to nod and reply honestly? "………" But I can't turn around unless I say it to her.

"……You idiot. Don't ask me such an obvious question." I meet Tohsaka's gaze and tell her my honest opinion. Her smile broadens at those words.

“And I never even thought about parting with her. Most of all, I want to be with Tohsaka.” That’s the key portion here. The internal tug of war between Shirou’s deep-seated hatred for the common amoral magi and the stifling environment of Clock Tower on the one hand, and his unbridled love for and admiration of Rin is decisively and unquestionably resolved in Rin’s favour. It was barely even a contest. Returning to previously discussed dialectic, it is noteworthy how Shirou considers moving to London at a later time than Rin so that he wouldn’t represent a burden for a Rin less likely to be able to spend precious time with him. Hell—the guy already starts making plans about how he’s going to move there without her even inviting him or expressing that she wants him to go with her! He’s so lovestruck that the mere mention of her moving to London has his immediately making preparations so that he can be with her. It’s odd to think that Shirou could possibly find some way to work more than he already does, but that’s not stopping him. Shirou’s internal back and forth weighing his options, contrasting his reservations towards moving to London with his obvious preparedness to go there for Rin’s sake, is presented as barely even really being a proper conflict; the outcome was determined from the very start. There was simply no other way this could have been resolved—Shirou wants to be with his Tohsaka.

But why is this the conclusion to UBW? Why precisely was it so important to finish the route like this, with this particular scenario, with this particular character dynamic? It might seem like this is just the logical conclusion to how the story should be: it’s hardly in-character for Rin, someone who is portrayed as someone who loves magecraft and finds it fun, to not eventually go to Clock Tower, given that one of the themes of the route is her and Shirou’s learning to walk their chosen path out of their own love for it and on their own terms; it also helps reaffirm Shirou’s love for her. But how exactly does this help cap off Shirou’s character arc? How does this serve as a fitting conclusion to his character arc taken in its entirety, including his conflict with Archer? The essential element here is Shirou’s invocation of Kiritsugu, prefacing the rest of his comments elaborating on his opposition to the Association; Shirou’s refusal to move to London is symbolically associated with his ideal. The core question of UBW of course is “Will or will not Shirou become just like Archer?” He is after all walking on the same path, headed to the same direction. What makes him so different? This scene is meant to answer that: his love for Rin. The entire scenario is a microcosm of Rin and Shirou’s relationship, showing why he won’t become Archer: he loves Rin more than he wants to pursue his ideal. Of course Shirou wants to become a superhero—but he wants to be with Rin even more. Shirou will always treasure the precious time he spends with Rin far more than he does his adventuring. Whatever corner of the world he may be in, whatever conflict is afoot, no matter how faraway he may be—he will always find his way back home, the place where he truly belongs: with Rin. The girl who loves him, and whom he loves back.

And I really cannot think of a more fitting poem to end that scene than...

The Ending in the Anime

In episode 25 of the 2014 UBW TV anime adaptation by Ufotable, we finally get to see Rin and Shirou’s life together in London.

It makes for incredible fanservice, to say the least.

He’s giving her a headpat—SHE’S SLEEPING ON HIS SHOULDER!!! Thanks for humouring my pic dump; now, onto the analysis.

Within the confines of the anime, the classroom conversation between Rin and Shirou is quite heavily abridged, positioned very deliberately so that it may be carefully instrumentalized for the specific narrative purposes of the broader narrative of the London epilogue it is situated in. It is in short repurposed. We will have to return to the specifics of that later. For now, let’s begin analyzing how the narrative unfolds.

The epilogue has a three act structure, divided over three in-universe days. The first day acts as the set-up; the second day as the elaboration; and the final day provides us with the conclusion. Now, the first day is mostly fanservice, and this is not without reason: while it lays the foundation for Shirou’s inner conflict that we see unfold over the next two days, it is a mostly laidback story that simply invites us to enjoy Rin and Shirou’s nearly idyllic life in London. It’s a way to frontload almost all of the pure, unadulterated fanservice so as to allow for more narratively relevant elements to be positioned at the very end, which is precision-focused to delivering a fitting conclusion to Emiya Shirou’s arc—which isn’t to say that the latter portions of the story lack fanservice, or that the frontloaded fanservice has no purpose whatsoever; rather, the later fanservice simply has more thematic depth to it. The early fanservice meanwhile serves mostly to establish what Rin and Shirou’s life in London is like; it’s purpose is to establish what is at stake. Many have lamented that Ufotable cut a lot of the elements which were included in Nasu’s original script (most likely rejected due to the Ufotable animation staff’s qualms with having to do another exhausting 45 min episode), but ultimately it was for the better in my estimation; it resulted in far more focus. Instead of wasting time on the total mediocrity of a character that is Luvia, the existing story utilizes her wisely for a specific purpose—to establish just how much Rin has changed over the narrative. I mean, the girl went from freaking out at the suggestion she might be fond of a certain redhead to being so openly enamoured with him that’s she willing to throw down with other girls for flirting with him! The idealized portrayal of Shirou’s new idealized life with the girl he loves is interspersed with discussion of his receiving an invitation to join the Association—and the implications of that. The day ends with Shirou’s mentioning that his heart lies elsewhere; in his pursuit of the ideal.

The next day is fairly laidback as well, but also a bit more... contemplative. Rin and Shirou’s ruminations on the Holy Grail War and what they learned from it during their visit to Glastonbury aren’t exactly directly connected to the central conflict of the narrative, but they nevertheless help portray just how much more mature these characters have gotten, how much they have changed since the events of HGW. It’s important to have Rin portrayed in a much more serious light; after all, the beginning of the episode had her used as comedic relief. Yes, it’s a perfectly fine way to establish just how much Rin truly loves Shirou, but the conclusion to the episode ultimately relies on her being both loving and mature; she’s always been the more intelligent, level-headed and wise of the two, so it stands to reason that it would be quite prudent remind the audience of that as it becomes important once again. Once more, we are treated to a dialectic; the hopelessly in love Rin of the first day meets her antithesis in the wise, contemplative Rin of the second day, ultimately resulting in the synthesis we encounter in the final resolution to the narrative. Having Rin portrayed as being both more mature yet also more fun than Shirou also reinforces just how much more at ease she is at Clock Tower than he is.

On the ride back home, Shirou has a flashback. And we suddenly find ourselves back in Fuyuki, two years prior.

Cute.

Anyway, we return to our repurposed classroom scene.

What exactly is the goal of this scene? Shirou’s monologues, so crucial to the scene in the VN, are wholly excised. We can see Shirou’s blushing like crazy (I can’t blame him...), but we are otherwise left clueless as to his considerations whether or not to follow Rin to London. The thematic relevance of the scene in the VN is gone; no-one, going based solely on the anime, could possibly have realized that this particular scene was meant to be a microcosm of their relationship, showing my Shirou will not become Archer. If anything, it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch to say that the scene is just there to fill in the gaps about what happened in the immediate aftermath of the events of Fifth HGW and act as more Rin/Shirou fanservice. It’s the final episode, so why not just give your audience diabetes ten times over? Just look at it!

God, I’m really sorry if this many images bothers anyone—but I just can’t help it, it’s too cute and amazing.

But yeah... good fanservice. Doesn’t necessarily mean there’s anything thematically relevant or important to the characterization our heroes receive, right?

Well...

This... is what the episode is all about.

Shirou doesn’t want to betray Rin.

“Thanks for bringing me with you.“ Shirou is profoundly grateful to Rin for giving him this wonderful opportunity to be with her and spend time with her. He is so very happy to be able to cherish his time with the girl that he loves... but he can’t stay at Clock Tower. Rin is the only reason that he is happy there. He feels uncomfortable with the subject of his future there, too afraid to openly and honestly express his feelings to Rin, because he doesn’t want to break her heart. For all that Shirou has matured, he is still just a young man trying to find his place in the world, confused and scared; scared that he might have to abandon the girl he loves so dearly—scared of what she might say. He doesn’t want to spit all over her effort and hard work, all that she has ever done for him; fundamentally, Shirou’s conflict in this episode is about Rin. It’s about his struggling with the difficulties of maintaining the relationship that he has built with her, and his fears that it might not last. His fears that Rin wouldn’t understand what he’s going through, and reject him for it. And that in doing so... his fate will as Archer will be sealed.

But that’s not what happens. When he is finally forced to explain himself to her, he is surprised to hear that she isn’t mad at all. No, she’s wholly supportive of him! Encouraging, even! In fact... she’s the one reassuring him. Earlier in the narrative, Rin was Shirou’s foil as the down to the earth realist to his wide-eyed, idealism. Rin was the one with the self-esteem issues; Shirou was the one who kept charging at the impossible without a doubt in his mind about his chances of success. The confession was all about Shirou’s providing Rin with the necessary support to get back up due to his holding her in a higher regard than she did herself; to Shirou, she was always the amazing, incredible girl who never quits despite all the things weighing on her back. And now, in a beautiful symmetry... it’s her, the girl who didn’t think she had it in her to strive for the impossible, giving encouragement to him, the boy who never did quit, who now has doubts about his future... to never quit. Because she believes in him, just like he believed in her.

People tend to grievously misunderstand what Rin says in this episode—it’s responsible for like 90% of the stupid takes on this episode and the future of the Rin/Shirou pair. She never claims that she will always follow Shirou around; she quite openly states that she eventually wishes to settle down at Clock Tower, because pursuing magecraft is fun, it’s her dream, and it makes her happy. She just doesn’t think that is necessarily incompatible with her being with Shirou. Just like Shirou had made a temporary sacrifice coming to London to spend time with her, so too will Rin now make a slight detour from her path to accomplishing her dream to support the most precious person in her life. It’s why I find it somewhat regrettable that Shirou’s monologues were removed from the classroom scene; it would have been nice to have it be readily apparent within the show itself without recourse to the VN that there’s a symmetry between Shirou’s going to London with Rin and Rin’s going on adventures with Shirou. I understand the omission, given the excellent execution, but it was nonetheless an imperfection solution; perhaps the only one there was. But I can still lament, can’t I?

Rin and Shirou’s relationship is going to face a lot of issues. It’s not going to be easy. A clash of wants is inevitable. But Rin is willing to make it work. She is going to make it work. For both of their sakes. The beauty of Rin and Shirou’s relationship is in its striving towards an ideal; it can never be perfect, but it still comes close to being so. Its imperfections make it more than perfect. Theirs is a relationship just like any other—filled with ups and downs. The proof of their love is not in the absence of problems, but in their having the patience, understanding and mutual respect to overcome them, together. Many people when praising the Shirin pair like to adduce its being the most “realistic” of the three VN relationships in its favour. I think such people are doing it a massive disservice by doing so. Shirin is wonderful because it’s a highly idealized version of a normal relationship. Just look at the episode! Their love story is a like a fairy tale! The entire story is about Rin and Shirou, partners in crime; just the two of them against the whole world. Falling love in the midst of a conflict filled with strange mystic mages and legendary heroes from the past. And yet... it feels so down to earth. It feels like something that could occur in your own neighbourhood. What makes me love it so much is this careful but amazing balance between reality and fantasy; it’s just the story of a boy and a girl falling in love... but it feels like a grand epic. Both of them are strange and downright weird people... yet they are also just two regular teenagers, doing regular teenage things. Two regular people, stuck in extraordinary circumstances where they don’t belong... and making the best of it. Together. And nothing exemplifies that more for me that this one final scene at the end of episode 25, perfectly encapsulating why they are so great.

Many people lament the absence of more physical affection between Rin and Shirou, in both the VN and the anime. I sympathize with such people; I myself wish we had gotten many more hugs, kisses and cuddling than we did. And yet... I feel as though in decrying what is not there, they fail to appreciate what was there. Because frankly, few things have made me as emotional as this one handshake.

49 notes · View notes

the-vibes-are-off · 1 year

Text

The Stormlight Archive Volume 1: The Way of Kings’ Review: Chapters 5-8

link to contents page - https://at.tumblr.com/the-vibes-are-off/hey-hey/96xd9ohihrzs

Right, well, you know how I said in my previous post that my COVID test was negative? Yeah so I was swiftly clowned and I am now SICK right on essay season. I have dug out crusty dusty old HP Pavilion to do work but I’m essentially only using it for Tumblr so. My partner is officially in another country now (I know you’re going to read this so pls come back I am dying) so I cant even be babied 24/7 due to the time difference. On season 4 of Criminal Minds already tho so ....

In terms of reading, I am officially back and LOVING it. I am limiting myself to 4 chapters in one setting because that’s how much I want my review sections to cover and writing this takes longer than I thought it would tbh. Lets get to it!

Spoiler Free Zone:

The split narrative is like definitely managing my problems with maintaining my attention. I will say that since Kaladin’s story line, although definitely interesting don’t get me wrong, would probably get boring if it was all I was reading. I’m more a magic and lore and pretty women fantasy enjoyer than a grr fight fantasy enjoyer since my like gritty lit enjoyment comes from different genres.

Loving the direction that Shallan’s plot line is going in, I’m glad Brandon doesn’t just give the characters what they want straight away and there is at least the illusion that they’re working for something even though its obvious they’ll achieve it eventually.

Mostly, I’m just loving the characters they’re introducing in Shallan’s story, maybe not so much SOME people (a certain person specifically I dislike is beginning, BEGINNING to grow on me) as they’re just so lovely and cute and nice and ugh we love to see it.

*** SPOILERS INCOMING ***

Spoiler Zone:

I’m saying it now, I did initially think Jasnah was just a bitch tbh like I get she’s all important and up her own ass or whatever but she doesn’t appreciate art??? I get Shallan like couldnt just get what she wanted but like .... come on. I was so mad when she just started shouting n shit when Shallan was waiting in the alcove like get a grip pls. However.... turning a boulder to smoke? I had to tab that as cool, like that was just a smart idea to clear it and a cool fckn power to have

Shallan wanting to steal tho? I love her, a true icon as she should steal from the bitch. I literally just tabbed it love this bc ? Slay like what else could I do. I’d steal it too

aaaaaaaaand then were back to Kaladin actually just getting fucking shit on at every turn yet again. mf has to carry a bridge?? and then get shot at with arrows?? my goodness give this man a break

The spren getting a name tho like Syl is acc like carrying Kaladin’s arc for me I want to know what is going on there I am trying so hard not to spoil it for myself

From an arts and humanities student standpoint, I did tab Shallan describing how she views her art and the process of creation as like fleshy and human. Like in both studying and writing poetry I relate to capturing a person or a place or a moment on paper

And then 2 cuties that I simply had to draw attention to in Brother Kabsal and Yalb. They are iconic and I adore them the end :*

Tab Count:

Cute: 2

Fights: 1

Sad: 1

Death: 0

Cool: 0

Wtf wow: 1

Wtf why: 0

Slay Quotes: 0

Love this: 2

Hate this: 0

Tab Total:

Cute: 3

Fights: 4

Sad: 1

Death: 2

Cool: 4

Wtf wow: 2

Wtf why: 1

Slay Quotes: 3

Love this: 5

Hate this: 1

PS: If anyone actually reads this far down comment (or post me if you’re feeling generous) your fave tea to drink when you’re sick because I’m going through maybe 10 cups a day and I am swiftly running out....

#brandon sanderson #the way of kings #stormlight archive #kaladin stormblessed #kaladin #shallan #shallan davar #jasnah kholin #book #books #books and reading #book review #fantasy #high fantasy #book tabbing #book annotations #english literature #literature #literature review

62 notes · View notes

bubbles-for-all-of-us · 1 year

Note

BUBBLES!!! Hiiii 🥰 how are you doing on this fine Wednesday? I personally should be working and studying and all but I’ve decided to take a moment and write that headcanon I told you about instead because procrastination is my middle name 🤪🤪

It probably won’t be long but i NEED to share so yeah, here you go!! Mr. Joel babygirl Miller and the chain ✨✨

Pre-outbreak!Joel

It’s important to start by saying that Joel is 100% a giver, he doesn’t hesitate buying his daughter/you whatever you need, want, settle your eyes on. He truly lives for the people he loves and he would absolutely stay with nothing if it means having you and Sarah happy and content. That being said, you try to push him, get him to buy that new pair of boots he’s been eyeing for a while, buy some new shirts because yeah the ones he owns are okay but they’re slightly getting washed out. And it’s not because he’s a cheap man, quite the opposite! Sarah wants a new pair of shoes and he doesn’t hesitate buying it even if it’s a little expensive and she tells him it’s not necessary.

I think it comes from him being a single father relying on one income that, granted, is pretty good but he isn’t rolling around in money, you know? So most of his money would go to house related things, Sarah (especially when she was a baby because yeah, babies are expensive), school, sometimes trying to do fun stuff with his daughter like going a few days away on holidays, sending her to summer camp when he has to work, etc…

But now, you have two incomes, sarah isn’t a baby anymore, Joel’s company is going veryyyyy well so it’s not the same anymore.

Anyways!! His birthday is coming up and you decide to completely ignore his “i don’t want anything, i have my girls….and tommy” little speech like usual. But on top of that, you saw a golden chain at the jewelry shop the other day and you think it’d be a nice gift. So you buy the chain and have the pendant engraved with your initials (so J, S and whatever your initial is)

He probably doesn’t know what to say when you give it to him, he isn’t really used to being the one at the end of the “receiving” line and I mean, we all saw how he reacted when Sarah got his watch fixed. It would be quite similar, he’d be too touched and emotional to make a big speech (and Joel isn’t really one for big speeches anyway) but he’d clearly appreciate the gesture. He’d probably just hug you really tight, kiss your forehead and say thank you. His reaction would seem simple and anyone who doesn’t know him might think it’s because he doesn’t like the gift but you know it’s the complete opposite.

Since that day, he wears that chain everywhere. He never takes it off unless he’s showering. He keeps it well hidden under his shirt when he’s working but when he isn’t and the weather is nice enough, he’ll be ndaring enough to put a nice button up shirt and leave it open a little so the chain can be seen by everyone. Because yes, he wears it proudly, he wants to show the whole world that he’s yours as much as he enjoys showing you off. And I feel like it’d become a habit of his to just play with it whenever he starts missing you or when he’s nervous or lost in his thoughts.

Post-outbreak!Joel

Not much changes except the fact that finding a chain would be even more special. You’d find it in an old mall not too far from Jackson and you can’t resist, you bring it back. You go to the person who can engrave (I’m sorry i cannot remember the name lol) the necklace and have not only yours (so you and Joel) initials engraved but you also ask to add a little E and a S.

I feel like the more your relationship goes with Joel, the more he feels the need to talk about Sarah. I’m not saying he’ll be talking about her all day long but he’s bottled up everything for over 20 years and now he feels safe and happier which makes him more open to sharing. We saw it in that last scene with Ellie when they’re walking, it would be a bit like that as well. Sometimes, something would remind him of Sarah and he’ll tell you about it. Of course, you welcome it, you appreciate hearing about her and learn to love her through the stories he tells you. So yeah, all that to say that Sarah is part of the family even if she’s not physically present anymore so it’s natural for you to add her initial on the necklace next to yours and Ellie.

His reaction is pretty much the same as pre-outbreak!Joel. He’s definitely very emotional, he has no idea what to say because he’s so touched that you love him so much you’d do all that for him. I feel like although he knows you love him (yes, sometimes he doubts himself and his ability to make you happy but never he never doubts you) sometimes, you do or say something that shows just how much you actually care and it hits him “wow, she really loves me” kinda. I don’t know how to explain it but all these gestures make him really emotional and he feels so incredibly lucky to have you he can’t even speak anymore. And also the fact you thought of Sarah as well???? Life made it impossible for the most important girls in his life to all be with him at the same time but this just reminds him that yes, Sarah is gone but she keeps living through all those memories and the love he has for her and now, also the love you have for her in a way. I think it would help him a lot to finally process his grief and heal somehow that you accept that “old Joel” part of him, that life before the outbreak you didn’t know and that isn’t here anymore but still exists through him.

Okay i wrote something about his reaction but it disappeared so I’m writing it again here and sorry if it appears twice. As I said, his reaction would be pretty much the same, he’d be too choked up to speak so he’d bring you close in a hug and thank you. Then he’d be wearing that chain everywhere. Probably not with an open shirt because he’s definitely more self conscious than he used to be before the outbreak but he’d wear it on top of that undershirt thing he wears under his flannel (me making sense?). Again, he’s wearing it proudly and smiles every time he notices the chain in a mirror or someone makes a comment about it

So yeah, to sum up, gift something to Joel and he’ll cherish it forever and ever and also pedrito with an open shirt and a chain almost killed me but other than that I’m doing okay 👍🏼

Okay that’s all for today little bubble, i love you very very much and I’ll talk to you later <3

-🪷

Catch me in my pre-outbreak!Joel's mood today...

You would be planning Joel's birthday without him knowing obviously. It's just you and Sarah, Tommy is there for the logistics of going to buy stuff or hanging stuff up. And since the weather is getting warmer you decide on a family barbecue. No one else is invited just family because Joel Miller doesn't do big gatherings and Lord forbid all the attention being on him.

So it's a happy Friday. Sarah skips school. Joel has no clue about it too. You had made him ask for a shorter shift even if he had fussed about it for over a week. And you're just at it all day. Making little garlands from paper and fairy lights. Hanging them all over the backyard. And you bake a cake as well, Sarah helps to decorate it. Making hearts and flowers from icing. And it's in no way perfect but Joel doesn't need perfect well in his eyes anything that you and Sarah make is perfect. And you wrap up his presents just as you said spoiling him this year. Finally getting him things that he's been eyeing but pushing aside because he prioritizes getting his girls things. Writing little notes on each one. Like for this because your other shirts are 25 shades lighter from washing than they should be and so on.

When Joel finally gets home he's greeted with a silent house. He quickly checks the time - like mmm shouldn't my girls be back by then? So here's calling out for the two of you. You don't answer but he hears the giggles coming from outside. Shaking his head he makes his way to the patio and that's when he notices - all the candles and decorations. Sarah jumps from under the table. Running to hug her dad as she sings happy birthday to him. Joel just stands there embracing her. It almost feels surreal.

"You're looking at it like you hate it...", Sarah murmurs after a while of silence from her dad. But Joel just shook his head. "I knew you were up to something you sneaky bunch", he says and Sarah frowns, "No, you didn't know. Don't lie. Tell him Mom", she crosses her arms over her chest stepping aside as you also walk closer to him. Reaching to cup his cheeks as you lean closer to kiss him, "Happy Birthday, handsome". Joel's arms are lazily holding onto your hips as he smiles at you, "Have I gone to heaven?", you let out a laugh looking at Sarah, "See he thinks he's dead it's that good".

The rest of the evening is just filled with food, laughter, and music. Tommy had taken so many pictures of everyone and you had only returned the favor. Sarah has her hands over Joel's eyes as you and Tommy get the presents set on the table in front of him. "This is unnecessary. You know I need nothing, already have more than enough", he grumbles but Sarah only shushes him telling him to stay quiet or he won't get any cake.

And he would struggle a lot to take in all the things in front of him. He just doesn't know how to receive. He's a giver *cough cough* no but he finds pleasure in spoiling you. As he had said he gets more happiness from watching you enjoy stuff than buying something for himself.

Sarah is the one who hands him the box with the necklace. It was her idea and she was afraid that her dad would hate it. Been going on and on about it almost in every conversation that you had. So you've been reassuring her. Telling her that Joel has been more open with his style. Trying out different shirts and pater mixing and boy was it hard not to drool thinking about your husband with a golden chain around his neck for very different reasons. You haven't even seen him with it but you were already hit and bothered.

Joel is confused as he takes the box. Shaking it a bit. "Promise me this is the last one", he says looking at you both as you nod. To say that he wasn't expecting this was an understatement. He wasn't big on jewelry. Yes, he wore his wedding ring proudly and let you slip some other rings on him from time to time and that was all. His fingers trace the chain. The letter pendants made his heart swell. All the letters if your first names. He shakes his head.

"Told you he was going to hate it", Sarah bite her lip already fighting her tears, needing her dad to love it. Joel is quick to turn to her frowning, "Who said that I hate it baby girl? It's beautiful. I just... don't know what to say". Sarah slips to his side, to hug him once more. You take the chain from him. Going around to clasp it around his neck and shamelessly undoing one more button of his shirt, "Oh, that looks so good", you say more to yourself while biting your lip. Joel catches your gaze, smirking back at ya, before leaning down to press a kiss to Sarah's head.

#come chat with bubbles 🫧#little lily 🪷#joel miller x reader #joel miller imagine

32 notes · View notes

historicalfightingguide · 1 year

Video

youtube

A great video going over some of the most important techniques and principles of The Art of Combat or ‘Kunst Des Fechtens’ also known as KDF, but also tying those to more general mechanical groupings as well as positional situations that can help people connect the dots between various different moves. You can have different interpretations of historical systems than Daniel Pope(the person giving the lecture) but even just trying to apply this sort of systemic overview may help you figure out some things about fencing and how to think about it.

“ This in-class discussion from earlier this year is a fairly long and rambling discussion in which we broke out the trusty whiteboard markers to discuss some fencing theory relating to Meyer and Liechtenauer, but relevant to all fencing really. As our club isn't in training, I'm hoping that at least some of you will revisit the video because we haven't been able to revisit it in person. In essence, if we can reduce the exemplars in the text to general principles we find there's a lot less to think about while fencing. It's important to remember that these are generalisations - some of the genaral "rules" cited should never ben considered "laws" - you can break the rules all the time while fencing - as long as you know why! “

Here’s also another post overviewing KDF concepts in a more general framework that’s a bit less focused with mechanics and a bit more with the philosophy around it all and practical tactical issues as well that you may enjoy.

If you are interested in learning how to use a longsword check out these few links.

And here’s a masterpost about Joachim Meyer if you’re interested in his system specifically.

For anyone who hasn’t yet seen the following links:

Some advice on how to start studying the sources generally can be found in these older posts

Remember to check out A Guide to Starting a Liberation Martial Arts Gym as it may help with your own club/gym/dojo/school culture and approach.

Check out their curriculum too.

Fear is the Mind Killer: How to Build a Training Culture that Fosters Strength and Resilience by Kajetan Sadowski may be relevant as well.

“How We Learn to Move: A Revolution in the Way We Coach & Practice Sports Skills” by Rob Gray as well as this post that goes over the basics of his constraints lead, ecological approach.

Another useful book to check out is The Theory and Practice of Historical European Martial Arts (while about HEMA, a lot of it is applicable to other historical martial arts clubs dealing with research and recreation of old fighting systems).

Trauma informed coaching and why it matters

Why having a systematic approach to training can be beneficial

Why we may not want one attack 10 000 times, nor 10 000 attacks done once, but a third option.

How consent and opting in function and why it matters.

More on tactics in fencing

Open vs closed skills

The three primary factors to safety within historical fencing

Worth checking out are this blogs tags on pedagogy and teaching for other related useful posts.

And if you train any weapon based form of historical fencing check out the ‘HEMA game archive’ where you can find a plethora of different drills, focused sparring and game options to use for effective, useful and fun training.

For more on how to use youtube content for learning historical fencing I suggest checking out these older posts on the concept of video study of sparring and tournament footage.

Consider getting some patches of this sort or these cool rashguards to show support for good causes or a t-shirt like to send a good message while at training.

#hema #fencing #historical fencing #KDF #kunst des fechtens #daniel pope

17 notes · View notes

religion-is-a-mental-illness · 1 year

Note

What do you think about the experiment where pastors asked chatgpt to write a sermon? Is this a good thing, bad thing, or somewhere in between?

Among sermon writers, there is fascination – and unease – over the fast-expanding abilities of artificial-intelligence chatbots. For now, the evolving consensus among clergy is this: Yes, they can write a passably competent sermon. But no, they can’t replicate the passion of actual preaching.

“It lacks a soul – I don’t know how else to say it,” said Hershael York, a pastor in Kentucky who also is dean of the school of theology and a professor of Christian preaching at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary.

Sermons are meant to be the core of a worship service — and often are faith leaders’ best weekly shot at grabbing their congregation’s attention to impart theological and moral guidance.

Lazy pastors might be tempted to use AI for this purpose, York said, “but not the great shepherds, the ones who love preaching, who love their people.”

A rabbi in New York, Joshua Franklin, recently told his congregation at the Jewish Center of the Hamptons that he was going to deliver a plagiarized sermon – dealing with such issues as trust, vulnerability and forgiveness.

Upon finishing, he asked the worshippers to guess who wrote it. When they appeared stumped, he revealed that the writer was ChatGPT, responding to his request to write a 1,000-word sermon related to that week’s lesson from the Torah.

“Now, you’re clapping — I’m deathly afraid,” Franklin said when several congregants applauded. “I thought truck drivers were going to go long before the rabbi, in terms of losing our positions to artificial intelligence.”

My main question is, what's the difference? I don't mean that in just a snarky way, but legitimately. What is the metaphysical difference between a sermon produced by a human and a sermon produced by ChatGPT? How do you detect "soul" or "not-soul"? How do you measure "soulness"? How do you distinguish between the divine effectiveness of a sermon generated by A.I. from a human-authored one? If we did a blind study - putting together, say, a dozen sermons with a mix of human and A.I. - could the clergy tell the difference?

I previously posted about black Americans leaving Xianity, and one of the examples given by an ex-Xian was:

The last time I went to a church it was a lovely and inspirational sermon until the pastor started disparaging gays for absolutely no reason. Even at my grandfather’s funeral, the pastor there managed to blame gays for the state of the world. Just random unnecessary hate.

What is the metaphysical distinction between a nasty magic spell written by a human and a nice magic spell written by an A.I.? Which one does "god" choose to ignore? Either? Both? How do you tell?

I've said before that if any of the gods was real, it should be obvious which one. its adherents would survive cancer at a higher rate, pass exams at a higher rate, live longer, be more prosperous, more successful, more prone to getting carparks. But that isn't true.

If it's about sincerity, what happens if you give the A.I. sermon to a deacon or more junior cleric who doesn't know where it comes from, and who preaches it sincerely? If it's about intent, then it's not about the content.

There's a few things this reminds me of.

Firstly, there was the Catholic priest who was baptizing people with one incorrect word.

https://www.cnn.com/2022/02/14/us/pastor-invalid-baptisms-resignation/

Father Andres Arango, who performed thousands of baptisms, would say, “We baptize you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.” But Olmsted explained the words “We baptize” should have been “I baptize” instead.

“The issue with using ‘We’ is that it is not the community that baptizes a person, rather, it is Christ, and Him alone, who presides at all of the sacraments, and so it is Christ Jesus who baptizes,” Olmsted wrote in a message to parishioners posted last month.

The error also means that because baptism is the first of the sacraments, some people will need to repeat other sacraments, according to the diocese webpage for frequently asked questions. CNN has reached out to the diocese for comment on other sacraments.

But nobody ever noticed. For 20 years, nobody said, "Father, I don't think it worked, I don't have that Jesusey feeling in me." Nobody ever came back to haunt him and tell him off for getting it wrong and condemning them to purgatory.

The magic spell never actually went identifiably wrong. It's not like the budget didn't balance or the app didn't work or the cake didn't rise.

How do you metaphysically distinguish someone who's had the spiritual hotfix applied, and someone who hasn't?

Secondly, Surah Corona. If you're not aware, Islam insists that the divine origin of the quran is self evident within the quran. That nobody but Allah could write verses like those in the quran, and challenges doubters to do so.

https://quranx.com/10.37-38

And it was not [possible] for this Qur'an to be produced by other than Allah, but [it is] a confirmation of what was before it and a detailed explanation of the [former] Scripture, about which there is no doubt, from the Lord of the worlds.

Or do they say [about the Prophet], "He invented it?" Say, "Then bring forth a surah like it and call upon [for assistance] whomever you can besides Allah, if you should be truthful."

https://quranx.com/11.13-14

Or do they say, "He invented it"? Say, "Then bring ten surahs like it that have been invented and call upon [for assistance] whomever you can besides Allah, if you should be truthful."

And if they do not respond to you - then know that the Qur'an was revealed with the knowledge of Allah and that there is no deity except Him. Then, would you [not] be Muslims?

So, someone did.

youtube

And (some) Muslims completely lost their minds.

Tunisian authorities have arrested a young woman for publishing fake verses of the Quran about the novel coronavirus.

Amna Al-Sharqi will be investigated by the Tunisian public prosecution, El Bashayerreported, for posting a text on her Facebook page entitled "Surah Corona".

Al-Sharqi sparked outrage on social media for the fake verses and even received death threats.

Never mind that the quran literally challenges you to, it seems like the reaction to it telegraphs the success of the project.

More to the point, if we can't metaphysically distinguish A.I. sermons from human-created sermons, if we can't supernaturally distinguish divine surahs from human-authored surahs, why do we trust the "real" ones at all?

Especially given the known unreliable origin of both the bible and the quran.

We need not stop there, though. In the Grievance Studies scandal, three academics wrote papers that passed through the review process of several journals and were published, some of them even receiving awards. These papers included:

the "dog park" paper which questioned how dog humping in parks reflects rape-condoning attitudes in human clubs.

a paper which argues for non-competitive "fat bodybuilding."

one which recommends chaining white male students to the floor in the classroom.

a paper that argues that astronomy is sexist and needs to include feminist and queer astrology.

a rewrite of Mein Kampf as intersectional feminism.

and a paper which suggests straight men stick things up their butts in order to overcome "transphobia."

All the papers were ultimately retracted, but the authors argue that there's no basis for doing this.

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/00491241211009946

In particular, we agree that our papers did not constitute hoaxes and that our intentions when writing them should not be understood to diminish the worth of their content. We also agree that either “Fat Bodybuilding” and our other theory-only papers should be reinstated or else all papers from which ours are indistinguishable should be retracted as being based upon unsound methodologies. Our papers containing false data should remain retracted, and the retraction notices should be amended to reflect genuine scholarly reasons for their retraction: namely, reasons based on the fraudulence of the alleged empirical data, not on the subjective state of mind of the authors.

The papers followed the theory, made the arguments, many were accepted, and several actually published. The "dog park" paper was honored by the journal for its 25th anniversary.

As Helen Pluckrose said:

We set ourselves to the task of writing grievance studies papers. These were real papers. Some people have misunderstood our project to be one in which we wrote nonsense and showed that journals will publish anything. No. They only publish a very specific kind of nonsense.

The reason we got seven papers accepted is because our papers were indistinguishable from genuine ones. Ones that influence social justice activism, politics and culture today.

[..]

All this involved becoming very familiar with the scholarship and reading an enormous number of books and papers. We are legitimate grievance scholars. Our papers average 30 citations, all of them real, but we still turned out a paper every two weeks by essentially recycling and repurposing the same sets of theories.

This is not scholarship. It wasn't scholarship when we did it to show the problem, and it isn't when it's done absolutely sincerely.

We had to conclude our probe early, but it was not the reviewers of grievance journals who caught us. They did not see our claim to have examined 10,000 dog genitals and analyzed this according to black feminist criminology as a bit fishy.

To this day, all three authors have received requests for the completed versions of the papers that were in revision at the time the probe was revealed, and have received feedback from the scholars they cited, that they agreed with the points made in the probe's papers, and have been told that they understood the material better than anyone else.

So, the same question could be asked in all these cases. If an A.I. can write a sermon, a priest can say a blessing, a human can write a divine surah, a critic can write an academic paper, when those products conform to the ideology and are indistinguishable from the "real" thing, either they should be all equally valid or all equally invalid.

And brings into question of why we trusted the "real" thing in the first place.

I don't know that the preachers who are discussing the use of ChatGPT have thought about this, and I don't know that anything will come of it, but I think there's some good questions to be asked about what makes their thing legit, and ChatGPT's not legit.

As to whether it's a good thing or a bad thing, I don't see any way that this is a bad thing, to non-believers at least. Unless there's something I'm missing that someone can point out. It could be a good thing if believers start wonder about these matters. It could be more neutral than anything else.

Still, it opens up an opportunity. One need not study theology or complete any of the various religious training camps. Hang up your shingle, log into ChatGPT and start preaching... and collecting.

P.S. Pissed off I had to write this twice when Tumblr's stupid editor crashed. Save. Your. Drafts. 😡

#ask #ChatGPT #artificial intelligence #religious doctrine #sermon #christianity #islam #judaism #quran #surah corona #bible #torah #religion #grievance studies #academic fraud #academic integrity #superstition #religious superstition #religion is a mental illness

20 notes · View notes

slightlyrebelliouswriter23 · 2 years

Note

hi, em! how are you doing?

i just checked your ‘about me’ post and saw that you studied english and creative writing at uni. i will be starting that career path next year, and i know it differs from one university to another, but i was hoping you could tell me a bit about it? if you feel like it, of course.

have a nice day <3

Nonnie!! That’s so wonderful to hear. 🖤 Congratulations! I loved my time at uni, and I hope you do, as well.

Now that the academic year is upon us, I've compiled a summary of thoughts on Creative Writing (and English-related) degrees for you, which you may or may not find useful. Regardless, I'm excited for you and hope your journey takes you far.

English & Creative Writing at University

I. AMBITION CAN GET YOU ANYWHERE- even the places you never intended to go

The first thing they will tell you in this path of study is that it is almost impossible to make a career out of writing. This is not true. It’s just that it is very difficult to create the career that you expect out of such a course of study.

Many young writers will go into a creative writing degree and expect to spend their entire career as a novelist. Or a travel writer. Or an editor. Only a few will actually go on to do those things.

It’s not impossible, so if any of these are your dream profession, don’t get discouraged. Ambition is never silly or naive.

Having said that, I will also tell you that the stars are just as beautiful and important as the moon. Just because you have a goal, doesn’t mean you’ll have failed if you end up somewhere entirely different. With this academic path, you're simply giving yourself direction.

It's important to remember to keep yourself open to anything. And remind yourself every once in a while that most good things in life happen by accident.

II. ALL THE TOOLS IN YOUR BELT

Secondly, I want you to think about your degree not just as a way to hone your craft—which it very much still is—but as something with a broader scope than the small yet wonderful world of writing.

When we boil down what you learn in a Literature and/or Creative Writing educational space, it’s so much more than learning How To Write or How To Read. (These'll be the things that you can put on your resume if/when you apply for non-literature-oriented positions)

In my English degree, I learned how to:

Think critically -> I rarely read or consume content and take it for face value anymore. I look for meaning. I extract purpose and truth. I analyse. I do this all automatically now, whereas before my degree, critical analysis was like doing reps at the gym. I sweated a lot and hated most of it.

Research -> I am exceedingly good at skimming articles to find important bits of information that relate to broad or very niche topics. I’m good at finding what it is I am looking for, and relating it to whatever I’m working on.

Translate -> I don’t mean this in the way that one might translate a foreign language to their native one. I mean taking complex concepts, researching and understanding them, then compacting all of the information I’ve learned into something that is digestible to the general public. This is an incredibly valuable tool in a world where most people can't be bothered to read a whole news article, much less comprehend complex areas of study.

In my Creative Writing degree, I learned how to:

Problem solve -> Writing, whether it is a short story or a novel, is a big puzzle. There are a lot of parts and each part fits with the next and some don’t fit with others at all and there is a lot of shuffling things around to make a cohesive picture.

Think creatively -> This might seem obvious, and also not that important to non-creative fields. But creative thinking, no matter what field you’re in, is vital. Without creative thinking there can be no creative ideas or solutions. My mother is an engineer and, at the time I’m writing this, she is taking an online course on Creative Thinking, because it is essential to her work. Lucky for you, this is built into your degree.

Receive and build on criticism -> This also may seem like not an important thing. But it is. So many people get discouraged by criticism, when really, it can be a gift. You’ll likely have weekly critiques in your degree. When you are both receiving and giving critiques, pay attention to the tools this practice is giving you. Notice what stands out, what works, what doesn’t—and use this to your advantage.

And of course, I learned from both of these degrees how to work efficiently on a time crunch. Which doesn't require much explanation other than my propensity towards procrastination (I do not condone or recommend this method, though I feel it is an inescapable fate for basically anyone putting themselves through uni).

III. Unfortunately, People Are Ignorant

Lastly, be prepared for the inevitable question that every student in an English-related degree gets at least once during their final year: “What the hell are you going to do with that?”

It's a rite of passage for scholars of the humanities. And yet, it can be extremely discouraging, getting that question over and over again. But know that it comes from a place of well-intentioned ignorance.

People will assume you’ll either teach or go into publishing, because they see "English" or "Writing" and think "Well, everyone can read except kids. Everyone can write except kids", and the only other job they'll be able to conceive of is one where you are making the decisions about what is or is not "Good Writing".

I definitely used the “Probably go into publishing” answer, because I knew that teaching, while admirable, definitely wasn’t for me. But retrospectively, I think the answer I should’ve used sounds a lot more like: “Anything I damn well please! Or are you not creative enough to think of ways in which an English/Creative Writing degree is useful?”

These are just some of the more general thoughts I have about my university experience, now that it is nearly half a decade behind me. If you have any more specific questions about Creative Writing and University, please feel free to ask.

Best of luck to you, nonnie! Happy writing.

–Em 🖤🗡

More Writing Tips & Advice

#thanks for the ask!! 💜#asked and answered #nonnie #writing #writing tips #writing advice #studying english #studying creative writing #english #creative writing #university #why is a raven like a writing desk?#my advice

57 notes · View notes

bullet-prooflove · 1 year

Text

Creative Process

The lovely @mariamariquinha asked about my creative process so here it is! This is a long ass post by the way.

Sidebar:

When it comes to developing characters, even reader ones I usually add a little something in there to make more individualised and it kind of creates an anchor point in my head so it’s easy to slip into them. I also think it brings an additional layer to the character and makes them more realistic.

A few examples of this:

- Joe Velasco’s reader usually has at least one tattoo, a lotus on the back of their neck and one on their wrist. I kind of envision them a little spiritual and I feel the lotus flower kind of plays into that. (To be clear I don’t have this as a tattoo)

- Horacio Carrillo’s reader usually has a scar on her throat close to the jugular from clashing with Quica. This serves a few purposes, it shows she is also on the front lines, it reminds Horacio of how close he was too losing her, and I feel it’s realistic that you would have some scars if you were in that type of job. (I also don’t have this scar)

Sometimes I do include tiny details from my life, like experiences or things I’ve encountered, like the way someone’s scent clings to a scarf if they lend it to you and stuff like that. I feel like it helps to add more realism to the work and it’s something readers can identify with.

Back to my creative process, it kinda goes like this:

I get an idea – Usually from a prompt, or a song, or just a random thought I wake up with. I usually have my best ideas in the shower.

One way it works is:

I write the first draft on Google Notes if I am out and about or on Word if I am at the laptop. When studying for my Masters we learned the importance of leaving the first draft for a little while so that you can come back to it with fresh eyes. While I am doing that I am usually working on first drafts for other ideas so by the time I write up the original piece I have fresh eyes.

All of my rough drafts are colour coded by character as you can see, so it’s easy for me to tell what or who I am working with when I am in certain moods.

If I am writing a series, I try to write it up in one big go so I have a good idea of where it’s heading.

On the flipside:

Sometimes when I write a first draft on my laptop it’s really vivid and is almost perfect because I have had a really clear vision of where I want to go and what the piece is about. All it takes is a final flourish and read through and it’s ready to go. (This is pretty rare)

Once I’ve written a rough draft or had an idea, I haven’t had a chance to work on I pop it on my Ideas Trello board:

Each idea has a Gif or image attached to it so I can see which char it relates to as well as a working title and a colour coded banner with the fics current status. This also helps me keep track of where I am when I am writing a series as you can see.

Initially I had the goal of publishing one fic a week so there wasn’t much pressure when I was getting back into Tumblr. So, when I finished one, I would just schedule it for the next week. However, since I was getting the bus more because my job role changed I had more time to write rough drafts so I ended up stepping up my productivity and started posting more regularly. Now I am scheduling content daily for weeks in advance.

I keep track of what is going out and when by making a schedule board on Trello. This also allows me to make sure that there isn’t too much of the same character booked around the same time. I try to space it out a bit more.

I also have inspo boards, so when I see something for a certain char like a GIF or a song, I add it to the boards:

I know this whole thing probably looks like I have no life at all, but the organisation actually really helps me keep on top of things!

I’m a busy person who works 4 days a week and runs their own social media business on the side. I’m married and go on dates with my husband, I also have boxing and sewing classes once a week as well as family obligations.

I have had to slow down over the past few weeks because I have developed prolonged COVID.

The key for me is not to feel guilty if I don’t write. I’m pretty self-reflective and know when I am over encumbered myself so sometimes, I take a step back and just rest for a few days. Taking that time really helps to refresh my mind and I always come back better for it.

I know this works for me and won’t work for everybody but if you have any qs feel free to drop me a line.

#writing process #ask #wow this is a long one #wriiting #writing #writer

27 notes · View notes

inky-eclipse · 2 months

Text

a response to jreg's loneliness video

note: wrote this ten thousand years ago, but figured i'd put it here since it's one of the few posts on my old blog.

when i initially watched the video, i sat there waiting for the “gotcha” moment where he’d turn around and be like “just kidding” or something. as i continued watching the video though, it slowly became apparent that moment was not coming.

i’ve never really thought about writing this type of response to a video, but i think how the video reflected some parts of what i felt in the past year is what pushed me to write.

he discussed that what pushed him to ditch his introversion was the posts he’d seen on the Ottawa reddit about how some people (jokingly i hope) wished COVID would go on forever so that they wouldn’t have to interact with people again. he figured if this is what introversion entails, he didn’t want a part in it anymore. girlbossing yourself into extroversion is a really post-COVID response. i’m somewhat introverted, but after COVID, i’ve noticed that i want to be around people a lot more frequently. i think the effects of severe isolation to humans is at least what partially drives this urge even if i know logically that i can’t accidentally isolate myself to that severe extent. i also related his adoption of extroversion. i usually get intp on Myers-Briggs, but once i started college, i tell people i’m entp. who’s going to stop me? the Myers-Briggs police? besides, i feel like i genuinely enjoy being around people for long periods of time when i like them. i guess i don’t want to tell people that i’m introverted and then have them assume i want to be alone all the time or that i would combust at a party.

when he started discussing the sediment around the soul or the unnatural distance he had experienced when trying to deeply connect with people, it didn’t ring any bells in my experience. then again, i don’t think i’ve given a shit in recent years about a person to the extent that he described so that probably has a lot to do with why the bells are stationary. the only thing that it somewhat reminded me of was how i usually tried to host study groups with folks, but usually nobody or one person would show up. it could be that nobody showed up cause it’s lame, but that repeated experience made me resonate with jreg’s frustration of constantly putting in legwork for nothing.

i continue to diverge from his experiences because while he laments about how he wishes he could just not have the need for genuine connections with others, i’m fine either way. however, it really hurt for a moment when it occurred to me that maintaining deeper, platonic connections is either out of my scope or might not be a thing a lot of people are looking for. since i grew up with solitary activities for the most part, i don’t, consciously at least, have this consistent need for a lot of close relationships. if i were to continue to have my acquaintance group, i think i’d be content. i wouldn’t have people i could talk to deeply when i’m upset, but i resist opening up to that extent to begin with.

that’s just me though. i didn’t appreciate his accurate comment on about how “if you see someone reading about happiness, it’s over for them”. i definitely didn’t read The Power of Fun and still have my detailed annotations.

#community #introversion #neurotic #loneliness #jreg #video essay response #is that even a tag

2 notes · View notes

theangryjikooker · 1 year

Text

TAJ 🔍 Run BTS! • #7-10

Disclaimer Please note that this is for entertainment purposes only. What I comment on is purely observational, and there is no way for anyone to know the true nature of these dynamics and what motivates them without actually being a presence in their lives or a direct confidant(e). Any statement made that inadvertently comes across as "factual" should be understood as an implication within the boundaries of my perspective.

Introduction The first time I thought about doing this, my goal was to focus on the interactions and development of Jungkook and Jimin. This "miniseries," if you will, went through several iterations as I was watching Run BTS, and I decided to be a bit more inclusive about how the group behaves/interacts with one another with an emphasis on Jungkook and Jimin, when applicable. I believe doing it this way provides a better context and contrast.

Also, my observations won't really take their other content into account that was happening around the same time. I might say something that contradicts a Bangtan Bomb that was released roughly around the same time, for instance, so just be advised. Anyone is more than welcome to chime in with interesting tidbits from other content (if it's relevant).

If the episodes are short enough, or I don't feel like there's much going on, I'm going to fit several in a post.

Episode 7

I think it bears mentioning that when I first got into BTS and started watching Run, I started watching the later episodes. I initially skipped the earlier episodes because they weren't as long, and the setup was quite different as the series progressed. I watched it eventually, of course, but I was watching to be entertained and not really paying attention to anything.

But right now, as Taehyung and Jungkook display their elaborate and customized handshake, they're obviously close friends. I'd seen other interactions between them at this age, and they have a tendency to act more like same-age friends (which they still act like to this day). It's an interesting contrast against Jimin and Jungkook a lot of the time because you'd think the dynamics would be somewhat similar because Taehyung and Jimin are both two years older, but there is an obvious distinction between them that starts to arise the older they get.

Around the time that I was first watching this series, I always wanted the team that Jungkook was on to win. Part of my adoration for him was because he was so competitive (which I relate to) and excelled at a lot of physical activities. It's funny rewatching this with my current mindset where I don't have a vested interest in any singular person.

I mentioned this in the previous installment, but Yoongi really is an interesting character study. Watching him in action perfectly displays how unlike people generally perceive him.

Hoseok is so lovable and animated in everything he does. It's easy to see where he gets his nickname, and why he's always this source of optimism for the group. Fun fact that no one asked for, but it’s funny how I wasn't drawn to Hoseok immediately when I got into BTS because I am probably the most like him in real life: I'm extremely social and extroverted, my disposition is similar to his despite how I might come across online, etc. Anyway.

Red Team wins, as expected. Maknae line congratulates each other. Jikookers know this is the special episodic arc where Jimin allows Jungkook to do whatever he wants to him (see E10), and he seems to have all the patience in the world for him. It's easy to want to celebrate this if you have no real context to any of the other dynamics, but keep in mind that Yoongi is actually the same way with Jungkook. As a Jikooker, I don't put too much stock into this particular interaction, but it's cute to watch nonetheless. The difference between Jungkook’s method of attack with the other members vs. Jimin is that he was essentially pestering Jimin to get a rise out of him, which obviously went nowhere. It’s hard to say if Jimin would’ve been as receptive if it were anyone else and if he would’ve retaliated, or if his demeanor was specific to Jungkook. If anything, it does cement a certain baseline/tone to how Jimin receives Jungkook's behavior.

Episode 8

Jin and Jungkook unequivocally display the most brotherly antics of the group (which extends beyond the series). It's not really limited to their actions, but it's also in the way they respond to one another. In a lot of these games, Jungkook has a very cutthroat style of play if it means he gets a leg up on everyone. It's easy to see why, later on, his behavior is seen as significant when he's more lenient where Jimin is involved when he usually isn't or has no reason to be.

Taehyung is cute. He wants to goof around on the ATVs and is relying on his pact with Namjoon and Jimin that they'll share with him. It reminds me of the much later episode where he takes a break to play with a cat rather than to focus on his mission. It's easy to see why his behaviors will throw off the members at times because he does act according to his own whimsy. I think it's the most likable thing about him. I've always found him to be the quirkiest of the members, and I think it was a lot more apparent when he was younger. But I do think his offbeat personality is the catalyst for his creativity. It tends to be unanimous among the members that Jungkook is the most creative/talented, but I do think Taehyung's creativity is underrated. His interests and aesthetics in the present day is a consistent hallmark of who he always has been.

Naturally, Jungkook gets his comeuppance when he loses a flag that Yoongi picks up.

Anyone can say what they want about big corporations because it's not like they're without fault, but Big Hit/HYBE producing Run and Bon Voyage was one of the best things they did for BTS, in my opinion. The boys were free to interact with each other in the most comfortable and natural way, they were able to experience things that might not have been possible if they were backed by a major production company, and most importantly they were able to have fun. I'm sure it was difficult at times when their schedule was jam packed, but I do think their series gave them the opportunity to feel some semblance of normalcy–to just be boys, to act their age, to have this outlet.

Taehyung and Jimin really are an adorable pair. I have different thoughts about their dynamic as full-fledged adults and how that's changed, but I can definitely see why they got along extremely well as young adults and how they played off each other.

It's amusing how Jimin offers Jungkook a flag "because he's cute” and how Jimin engages with Taehyung. I don't believe this disparity is necessarily significant, but I would say that it's a little noteworthy how Jimin acquiesces easily over Jungkook because of appearance/behavior-based factors. Obviously, this is something that he does throughout his life, but this dynamic becomes more interesting as it benefits Jimin later when he starts to embody cuteness according to Jungkook. This will be interesting to see how this evolves later on, and I'll at least have an opportunity to see how that plays against the way the other members treat Jungkook as well (and vice versa).

Episode 9

It's only in snippets and based off of the editors' commentary, but I think this is one of many insights we're given as to how Jimin really does cherish the members and his experience in the group. All of them obviously value each other, but I do stand by my own belief that Jimin is a little more uniquely sensitive about it. And he's consistent about it too as he grows older, how sentimental he is about the members. This moment doesn't come close to the beautiful things he says and does for the others, but it's easy to get a smidge emotional when seeing how impacted Jimin is by the members. I think when you put into perspective his initial onboarding (and the uncertainty of it), to where he was when this episode happened, as well as the personal issues he’d struggle with in time, it paints a distilled picture of Jimin’s relationship to the group.

It’s moments like these that make it hard for me to be sympathetic or nice to anyone who talks badly about him.

Episode 10

Yoongi would prefer to starve and give the last piece of food to his members in a zombie apocalypse, no question. It's these little tidbits you get about the individual members that provides further depth and confirmation about why BTS were able to overcome major hurdles as trainees and post-debut. Yes, they're all very talented and worked hard, but I firmly believe that who they innately were as individuals was also significant to how well they would succeed as a group. I think I've talked about this before (but with more emphasis on Jin), but the hyung line were fundamentally responsible for how BTS could've turned out. That is to say, growing up in their enclosed environment makes the kind of role models you have vital, of which they were great ones.

Jungkook is revealed to be the spy in this arc (E7-10). I've already touched on what I think of Jimin being unaffected by Jungkook's behavior.

I'm on the fence as to whether this deserves any commentary because it's the kind of content that you could overlook, but at the same time it's a little like doing a double-take. In this interview with Jungkook, he follows this quote up with the fact that he got to bungee jump and that he enjoyed being a spy/hoping he gets another chance to be a spy in the future. He enjoyed the secret mission, but Jimin giving him a flag was not at all influential to his success or experience in this arc and yet he gives that moment a shoutout anyway. He is food motivated, however, which might be why he refers to that act of kindness. And yet Yoongi and Hoseok, who were at the bottom of the rung, got to reap the rewards of the dinner regardless, so was it really worth mentioning at all in the end? I suppose it’s what he's prioritizing that's amusing (?) because given what we know happened in this arc and who he is, clinching the win for the Red Team and actually succeeding in his mission overall would be the highlights of his experience to me (apart from bungee jumping).

––

I don't know if I really have to say this, but please keep in mind that I'm writing my observations during the time these events were happening. What I'm saying about Jikook in this series doesn't reflect how I feel about them today, but some of the things that I am saying are influential in my personal narrative for them.

Previous • Next

#TAJ posts #TAJ series: Run #bts #run bts #kim seokjin #min yoongi #jung hoseok #kim namjoon #park jimin #kim taehyung #jeon jungkook #ot7 #jikook #kookmin

25 notes · View notes

mycptsdrecovery · 1 year

Note

To the person who sent this ask:

https://at.tumblr.com/mycptsdrecovery/hi-im-sorry-to-ask-this-really-because-it-feels/fepccd6vfm9e

So first off I want to apologize because this message is probably gonna fuck your shit up a little bit. But for me at least, clarity brought peace. I hope this helps you put the pieces together and can bring you some comfort to know that you are not alone, what happened to you was very real and incredibly traumatic, and that you are incredibly strong for living through that. You’re obviously very smart and you’re asking the right questions- keep it up.

I read your post and I know exactly what happened to you. You had a VCUG. I had it done too, multiple times when I was 3. It took me literally 20 fucking years to figure out what that was and what happened to me. When I read the Wikipedia page, it was like I got hit in the head with a brick so brace yourself before you look it up. The procedure has literally every characteristic of a sexual assault, and I have lifelong sexual trauma from it. It’s used as a tool in research for studying memory related to CSA, because ofc you can’t abuse children to get data- but the VCUG is “medically necessary.” I think it’s almost worse in a way because it’s more like a gang rape WHILE YOUR PARENT IS WATCHING, and you’re not even seen has an object of attraction- it’s dehumanizing, and the denial of autonomy over your own body has serious, long term effects. It set me up for a lifetime of other sexual trauma- by the time I was 6 I was already showing hypersexual behavior. I never learned how to set any boundaries. Period. If you learn as a child that you don’t even have privacy *in the bathroom by yourself*, layered with the confusion and embarrassment of the experience (I was being potty trained, and then all of a sudden I’m in a radiology room and my mom is telling me I have to pee on this table in front of all these people??) seriously fucked me up, at least.

I spent literally my entire life not knowing why I was so fucked up, not knowing why I was so deeply traumatized when nothing (that I knew of) happened to me. It’s agony, and I blamed myself and lost myself in addiction and anorexia. Funnily enough, Ive always gravitated towards people who had serious childhood trauma. I’d hear their stories, and understand the feelings, but I never had a “story” of my own. It made me feel like an imposter, because it wasn’t like I got raped by a family member or something more “textbook”. Nobody talks about VCUG trauma even though thousands of kids go through this every year. It’s a faceless trauma, there’s nobody to blame (which makes it even more difficult to cope with imo)

There’s like one (1) support group on Reddit with 70 members, which is the largest to my knowledge. I was thinking of maybe starting a blog because there’s a lot of older people on reddit (like 5-10 yrs older than me at least) and I think that growing up Online with that trauma and 24/7 access to violent adult content is a totally different experience. But all of the emotions they talk about are the same, I’ve always kinda felt like nobody could understand what it’s like to be in my head, but reading that subreddit made me realize that I’m not The Most Fucked Up Person Who Has Ever Lived. And I learned how the trauma has formed every facet of my personality. Like I’m an anxious control freak who feels no sense of ownership over my body- surely that has nothing to do with this foundational traumatic memory of being denied control over my most basic bodily functions, right? Much to think about lol

You’re not crazy, and what you went through is unfortunately very real. I’m assuming that you’re still a teenager or a very young adult so you may not have gotten a yeast infection since you were a kid, but I think that the white stuff/medicine you were describing was monistat for a yeast infection. It’s a suppository, so there’s a like plastic plunger you put this white egg on, and then you put it in your vagina and push it up to your cervix, and the medicine leaks out over the course of a couple days. So it doesn’t surprise me at all that you would remember that, someone put a foreign object inside of you that was itchy and gross.

And for the record, your parents are *Very* Bad At Boundaries!!! If they can’t be the adults and set healthy boundaries, you have to. Its perfectly okay to say “I don’t want to talk about that” or “you’re making me uncomfortable, please stop touching me”. You didn’t have a voice when you were a kid, but you have one now. Trust me, I know it’s fucking scary and feels impossible- but do it once, and you’ll be hooked on the feeling forever.

I figured everything out last year (I’m about to turn 24), and I’ve been in therapy which has been super helpful. For me at least, EMDR has really been great for reprocessing those memories, and so has hypnotherapy exercises for being able to get into my subconscious. If you’re gonna look for one, you need a trauma specialist. Don’t fuck around with like a school counselor who mainly does “I’m depressed sometimes” therapy. If you’re anything like me, you need Serious Help.

I love you internet stranger- everything’s gonna be okay. You’re not alone, and it is possible to heal ❤️ I hope this brings you some peace

#thank you anon

14 notes · View notes

italeean · 2 years

Text

A goodbye without tears

You can find the plot here

A/N: Hi!! I'm still alive... after more than a month of inactivity... 😓 Sorry for not posting my content for a while, after I was done with my entry test and tasted a bit of freedom, I realized how burnt-out I truly was. I took a break from literally everything and hung out with my friends and family since I spent the whole summer studying for a thing or another 😅 Anyway, back to the important stuff, this fic was a request... that I took way too long to write... again... (PLEASE FORGIVE MEEE) but I found it really interesting and I related a lot to the scenario, which is why it came out a bit more personal than I wanted. But at the same time I liked it the way it was so I decided to post it like this. Spero vi piaccia 💚🤍❤️ (I hope you enjoy it) Suggestions and support are always appreciated ^_^

DISCLAIMER: This is a tickle fic, if it's not to your taste I don't suggest you read it

"That's it for today, guys" Ukai's loud voice echoed throughout the gym "Make sure to stretch properly, clean up, and then go home and get some rest!" He said before leaving, knowing he had to prepare some meat buns. Everything went as usual, but a little detail made that day different. It was the third-years' last training.

Daichi almost couldn't believe it was really happening. Three years had already passed and he was about to leave his volleyball team. And as chaotic as said team was, he didn't like the idea at all. He just felt like it wasn't the right time.

Sure, Ennoshita was more than ready to become captain, but were Tanaka and Noya ready to become less... hurricane-like? Was Yamaguchi going to find his self-confidence? What about Tsukki? Would he find it in himself to open up to the others? To not talk about Hinata and Kageyama's constant bickering...

There was still so much he could help everyone with, even if he was just supporting them or giving a fatherly advice. But he had to admit to himself that they were going to manage without him, his team was full of capable and motivated guys, they were more than capable of overcoming any kind of hardship. He also had to admit to himself that the one who wasn't ready to that kind of change was him.

"...so I was thinking I could go to university and work somewhere to help my family par fo- hello? Earth to Daichi? Are you even listening?" Suga's scoff brought the (soon-to-be ex) Karasuno captain back to Earth. "Sorry Suga, I spaced out for a second..." He let out an embarrassed chuckle.

The grey-haired guy looked at his teammate with genuine concern in his eyes. "Are you okay? Is there something wrong?" He asked worried.

Daichi glanced for a second at the others, who had started cleaning already, and then told his friend about his worries about that being his last training, having to leave the team, missing the team, missing volleyball in general...

"DAICHIIIII!!!" His train of thoughts got abruptly interrupted by Suga's bonk, which was objectively kind of deserved. It was Mr. Refreshing's duty to help anyone who was feeling down, one way or another, and the whole team knew that.

However, there was still a nostalgic glint in the captain's gaze, and that couldn't be allowed. Sad goodbyes were not accepted at Karasuno Volleyball Team. The gray-haired guy looked around himself for a second. Narita and Kinoshita had already left with Ennoshita because they still had some exams to study for. Noya and Tanaka had to study as well... but they insisted on helping with the cleanup before going. Yachi and Kyoko were gone as well; they wanted to spend some time together since they were going to say goodbye, too.

"Ahem! Guys, gather here for a second." The vice-captain said, waiting for everyone to come. "As you know, this is our last day here." His first sentence was enough to make everyone groan and whine, but he was able to hush them all. "BUT! We don't want it to be a sad goodbye, we want to enjoy this journey until the last second... or at least that's what we agreed upon. However someone is feeling sulky right now. Does anyone have a suggestion to fix this little problem?"

Making sure Daichi wouldn't see him, he wiggled his finger to give his own suggestion to the team. Obviously, they all caught on quickly, especially Hinata and Nishinoya, who immediately pounced on the captain.

The dark-haired guy stumbled backwards, trying to keep the two short guys still, but when Suga and Asahi decided to join the fun, he had no choice but topple to the ground while trying to hold back his laughter. "Guys! What a-ahare you doing? This is- ack! This is nohot necessary!"

"On the contrary, captain, this is exactly what you need." The vice-captain smirked teasingly at him and started poking his stomach. Asahi was keeping his arms pinned above his head with one hand and softly fluttered the fingers of the other one all over his neck and ears, changing sides every time he scrunched his shoulder to protect those spots.

Yamaguchi had managed to drag Tsukki into this, claiming that it was a bonding moment and he would've enjoyed it. They were straddling the captain's calves and squeezed the kneecaps and right above them. It made him kick so much that he almost managed to buck the first-years off a couple of times.

Noya was sitting between Daichi's legs and was squeezing his hips and sides quickly and mercilessly, while Tanaka was helping the vice-captain with the stomach. "Guhuys Ihihi sweheahahar..!" The dark-haired guy quickly dissolved into hiccupy giggles and found it impossible to build a complete sentence. "Ah ah ah," Suga teasingly reprimanded him "no swearing at school." He said while dipping his index finger in the wing spiker's belly button and wiggling around, which elicited some snorts that made everyone laugh out loud.

Obviously Hinata had joined the fun as well; he was getting the right side of the ribcage, having fun with counting the bones and sliding his fingers into every groove. "Oi Kageyama, are you coming?" He yelled, only receiving an annoying scoff in response. But he knew better. "Are you afraid I'm better than you at this?"

The setter glared intensely at him and approached the group (with the faintest blush on his face, according to Hinata). He kneeled by the left side of Daichi's ribcage and attacked, going immediately all out, to which the redhead responded with upping his game as well. "Thihihihis ihihis *snort* Thihihis ihis nohohot ahah- ACK! ahaha cohohompehetihihitiohon..!" The third-year scolded them between his laughter.

However, the other teammates seemed to disagree. Seeing the little competition between the freak-duo made them want to join. Daichi arched his back and tried to squirm as much as he could, which wasn't much since he didn't want to take the risk of hurting anyone. "Yohohou're beheheihing meheahahan nohow!" Whoops... wrong thing to say. The teens smirked evilly and started tickling him harder while teasing him as well!

He couldn't figure out who was saying what, he was too lost in his own laughter to listen carefully. He just heard a mix of voices saying "Tickle tickle tickle..." "Aaaww come on, smile captain" "Hahaha did you just snort?" "Hehehe see? This day must be happy for all of us, now smile for us!" "Who's making you laugh more? Me or that boke?"

Okay, maybe he could figure out who asked that last question, but that wasn't the point. He felt his face become red, and he couldn't even hide behind his hands since Asahi was keeping them pinned. But it wasn't so bad after all... until someone, probably Suga, had the idea of going for his thighs. That made him go berserk.

"BAHAHAHAHAHAHA OHOHOKAHAHAHAY IHIHI GIHIHIVEHE!! IHIHIHIHI GIHIVEHEHEHE PLEHEHEAHASE STAHAHAHAHAHAP!!" He screm at the top of his lungs. His thighs were his absolute worst spot, and he'd been enduring that playful assault for God knows how long; it made him tap out almost immediately.

"Alright, let's let him up." The grey-haired guy told everyone to stop and helped the captain to sit up. He was still giggling and a giddy smile was plastered all over his face. "That... that wahas... absoluhutely ruthless..." he panted "but maybehe I needed that... thahank you guys..." he finished with a chuckle.

"Thank you, Daichi, for being the greatest captain ever and even guiding us all the way to nationals." Suga said with teary eyes. What could he say... even Mr. Refreshing himself wasn't immune to the strange feeling of saying goodbye. He was already feeling nostalgic as well!

"Sugaaa!! We said no tears!" Hinata yelled while tackling him down and going straight for his sides and tummy. "Hihinahataaa! WhaHAHAhat aharehehe yoHOHouhu dohohoIHIhihiHIng?!" The vice-captain broke down into his high-pitched and squeaky laughter. "Hahaha I think I'll join as well... it's true that we said no tears after all." Asahi said approaching to the grey-haired guy, only to lift up Hinata and blow a raspberry on his tummy.

"NAHAHAHA AHAHASAHAHAIHIHI GEHET HIHIHIM NAHAHAT MEHEHEHEHEEE" The tangerine howled, but he was quickly rescued by Noya, who took advantage of Asahi's distraction while he was putting down Hinata to jump on his back and tickle his neck and torso.

Right after he recovered, the redhead pounced on Kageyama, bringing him down. "Bohohokehehe yohou're gohonnahaha gehehet ihihihit!!" He yelled, trying to sound angry and intimidating, before fighting back and darting his hands up into the middle blocker's underarms. "Ihihi'll beheahahat yohohouhu thihis tihihimehehehe Bahahakahageheyahahama!"

In the meanwhile, Suga thought that a certain couple of first-years was missing too much on the fun, so he wrapped an arm around Yamaguchi's shoulders to keep him in place while he scribbled on his tummy with his other hand. "Nononoohohohoho pleheheahaseee" The pinch server's legs gave out and he went to the floor, but he never did anything to actually stop the older guy.

Tanaka decided to help the vice-captain with his mission and went straight after Tsukishima, who desperately tried to not laugh... in vain of course.

Before they knew it, a tickle fight on full scale had blown out in the gym and everyone was laughing their head off.

Daichi glanced at the mess right in front of him before joining. The thought of graduating didn't sound so scary or sad after all, because now he knew he was never truly going to leave his team, or better, his family.

46 notes · View notes