#I hate you bill! how can you do that to you’re own child | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

satellitespinner · 1 month

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✼ mommy issues .. (one)

a/n: oh did you think this was gonna be a cute lil fluff fic? nahh it’s sad city down there!! be careful..

content warnings: ANGST panic attacks.. hurt (no comfort.) joel is dead. ellie’s a lil sad :/// ellie’s a lil anxious… ellie’s a projection of me.. ANYWAYS. reader and ellie are kinda the same but different ??? swearing ofc.. reader is very much okay with being a lesbian ! and she’s on good terms with the baby fawtha cause what! ellie is not fond of children apparently?? she also might be autistic.

wc: 2k.

taglist: @flowersforvi @diddiqueen @ellslvr @saturnsdrafts @3lli3l0v3r @williamssgirl @liasxeatt @adelaide013 @a-little-bit-of-everybody @elliessweetheart @pedropascalsbbg @ellies2missingfingers @nelzooo @r3starttt @jaeminpookie @onlinelesbo @tphmnv @p4ison1vy @pascals-doll @snowy-vee @diddiqueen

ellie grew up around masculinity, thats why people assume she is the way she is. but ellie can assure that her brain would work the exact same way if she had a mother.

plus, she had joel. that was really all she needed. she still knew how to be a woman. it’s not like she grew up without a mother and didn’t know anything about herself.

2 WEEKS AND 4 DAYS AGO..

ellie sighed and threw the white stained towel over her shoulder. fuck she muttered under her breath as she read yet another email.

ATTENTION STUDENTS!

You will all be required to purchase the following textbooks in order to complete the course - They will help immensely in the upcoming exam. I recommend reading carefully and thoroughly.

Sincerely,

Prof Morgan.

all 5 of the books linked in the email were over $150.00 each. how the fuck was she supposed to work that out? all while paying her own tuition, rent and utilities.

“yo, williams!” her manager jesse yelled, interrupting her calculations.

“breaks over.” he snatches the towel from her shoulder and makes his way back into the kitchen with it in tow.

she scoffs and shoves her phone back into her polyester pocket. jesse’s head pops back into the room “oh and” he starts before turning to her. “you’re training today” she scoffs and lifts herself off the chair.

“is that even in my job description?” she follows him out of the kitchen once again.

“sure it is, i just described it to you.” he winks, ellie huffs.

the sky had dimmed by the time ellies shift was over. skating home was gonna be a bitch.

“you need a ride home?” dina places a hand atop her shoulder, a helpful smile on her face. ellie really wanted to say no. she’s been asking for help from others so much lately.

“no, uhh- i’ll get home t’night. thanks dee.” she nods as she grabs her skateboard from her locker. have the trucks always been this lose?

“no, i insist.” dina presses. she pulls out her keys and throws her bag over her shoulder.

“let’s go, my child.” she giggles at the nickname. ellies shoulders relax.

“thanks again, i really appreciate it.” ellie said, her tone laced with genuine gratitude. dina dismisses her with a hand flick. “don’t even sweat it.” she bragged. “now get goin, it’s late.”

ellie pushes the car door open with a steady grip on her skateboard. her smile falters as she waves dina off.

she unlocks her door with a trembling hand, she hated being alone.

the picture of her and joel neatly placed beside the coat rack mocked her as she placed her skateboard down in its dedicated spot. she stared into the picture until the colors morphed into one big glob.

the loss of not just a parent, but her only parent cut her deep. she could barely lift her head for the first while, nevermind go to work. she should be proud of herself! but she isn’t.

how could she be? she felt like everyone else in her life was doing so much with themselves. dina had a kid for fucks sake! dina had a whole kid and ellie couldn’t even get to class on time.

“fuck.” she muttered as she placed her keys down. bills upon bills were flooding the kitchen counter. tears burned at her eyes, blurring her eyesight.

i look so pathetic right now. she thought. a slight chuckle leaving her throat at that.

she tried to blink back the tears but she couldn’t, they just kept coming.

her silent whimpers quickly turned to snotty sobs as her chest heaved in and out involuntarily. she placed a heavy hand on her heart as she slid down the kitchen cabinet. soon enough she found herself completely breathless and wailing.

she eventually calmed herself through deep breaths and a cold glass of water. as she does through every panic attack, although the melancholic feeling always lingered.

after joels death ellie could never find herself truly happy. especially not in an environment where he was everything, everytime she turned around she was reminded of the man who wasn’t even her real father.

nothing was really hers.

she made her way down the dark, dusty hallway to her bedroom. desks adorned with pictures of her and joel. she ignored them this time.

she stripped of her uniform and took to the shower. the water burning her skin till it turned red. she scrubbed harshly at her scalp and body. she smelt like grease. gross.

the after shower feeling made her feel a bit better. she grabbed her toothbrush and rinsed it before wiping a glob of colgate toothpaste on the bristles and shoving it in her mouth.

ellie chased sleep for what felt like an eternity. her damp hair scratching at her neck was definitely a part of the problem.

thank god she didn’t work saturdays..

the first 30 seconds of ellie’s day were complete bliss, usually. but not today.

today ellie woke up to the obnoxious sound of a child crying. she decided right then and there that the universe hates her and wants her to die. (but she thinks that about everyone in her life..)

she scoffs and walks over to the curtains, her own padded feet already annoying her.

she peeks out the curtain only to be met with a u-haul and an suv parked in the driveway next door.

new neighbors, how wonderful. and they had a whiny kid! perfect.

she continues watching out the window until she sees you hand off the kid to its father. her eyes follow you until you step into the u-haul and start dragging boxes out. that’s when she sighs and decides to get ready for the day. even though she doesn’t want to.

your entire life you were desperate to be equal. to be taken seriously. you craved maturity.

you spent your entire childhood chasing adulthood. you were desperate to grow up. you didn’t know it then, but you would regret it.

the one thing you didn’t regret, was felix. the baby that you got out of your last relationship. that was before you realized you were very much a lesbian..

“cmon baby, just put your shoe on.” you struggled against the child in the backseat as he wailed. the sound was excruciating.

“please- can you just let mommy put your shoe on?” you gritted as you attempted to shove the shoe onto her other foot.

“no!” he screamed, almost directly into your face. that was it.

“you know what? fuck it.” you muttered the last words under your breath. truthfully you already weren’t setting a good example, but hey! let not say fuck infront of our kid!

you gave up on the shoes and shushed him gently as you undid his seatbelt from his car seat. you placed him in the arms of his father, tossing the shoe into his dinosaur covered backpack.

he slowly came down from his tantrum as he placed his head on his dads shoulder.

“you sure you don’t need me to help unpack?” your ex asks, unsure of leaving you behind with an entire house to furnish.

“yep! i’m good!” you smile. you gently kiss your baby’s forehead before shutting your car door.

the father nods in response. “just text if you need and we will be here. isn’t that right felix?” he asks the child who nods profusely.

“of course mama!” he shouts causing you and his dad to laugh. “well alright then!” you rush, it was still early but you were eager to get to your gardening before dark.

you watch as your ex buckles the kid in and situated himself in the car, before pulling out of the driveway he rolls down felixs window.

you blow kisses as the pull out of the driveway and take off to ‘the old house’ in your sons words.

as soon as the car is out of sight you make your way over to the U-Haul.

you’re so focused on getting this last box out of the truck that you don’t even feel the presence creep up behind you.

“hey did you need some hel-”

“what the fuck!”

you jump in fear before turning around. being faced with a red headed, green eyed girl.

“oh my god, i’m so sorry.” she apologizes calmly. an awkward look on her face as you stare at her wide eyed.

you chuckle lightly before putting your hands on your hips. “it’s alright, hon.” you reassure.

you two just awkwardly stare at eachother for a few seconds before ellie finally speaks up again.

“i saw you struggling. did you want some help?” she asks. her eyes drifting to the box filled with gardening tools.

“oh that would be amazing!” you said before wiping the sweat of your forehead.

ellies eyes follow a droplet of seat down your neckline all the way down your cleavage. she finds herself licking her lips

before you introduce yourself.

she darts her eyes back up to your own, praying that you didn’t see her blatantly check you out. “i’m- i’m ellie.” she jumps over her words.

since when did you not know how to speak, idiot? she internally face palms before walking over to pick up the box.

“where do you want this?” she asks with a grunt as she steadys the box in her arms.

“just over here” you direct, letting her follow you as you walked over to the side of the house. she follows you and sets the box down with ease. she jokingly wipes the dirt off of her hands before nodding and starting to walk off.

“oh sweetie! i don’t wanna be a bother but would you mind helping me with one more thing?”

you must’ve been magic because somehow you swindled ellie into helping you with almost everything, and she was totally fine with it.

currently you were both at your kitchen island, laughing over a bottle of wine.

ellie had confided in you about school and you had rambled to her about what it’s like to be a mother.

“yeah, i mean- besides pregnancy it’s not all that bad.” you admit. ellie’s face shifts at the mention of pregnancy.

“i don’t know if i could ever have a baby inside me. i think i’d like- die.?” she questions. “not that i would of course” she giggles. your face becomes a look of confusion.

“no boyfriend? or just not one for kids?” you ask. you totally forgot that it’s very possible for her to be-

“i’m a lesbian” she answers and takes another sip of wine. her eyes watching your face for any negative reaction.

you clap your hands over your mouth quickly. now it seems obvious.

“i am so sorry, that totally slipped my mind.” she laughs at your attempts to redeem yourself.

“it’s totally chill, don’t worry.” she reassures, a smile on her face.

“i am too, actually.” you admit, it was your first time admitting it to someone other than yourself of your now ex husband.

“oh i was just gonna ask if that was your husband out there earlier.” she fidgets with the rings on her fingers as she asks.

“well, ex. it’s not easy to find a baby sitter that actually takes care of my kid these days.” you admit to her. she ponders for a slight moment before speaking up again.

“well, if you’re looking. i’m usually free during the day, i work nights most of the time.” she offers up. she wasn’t really sure why. she wasn’t even a fan of kids.

“really?!” it looks like your eyes had bulged out of your head. “god that would be amazing! i’ll pay you!”

ellie didn’t hear anything besides ‘i’ll pay you’ that’s all she needed to know.

“yeah of course. i’ll take him.” she confirmed.

that night ellie left with your phone number and a smidge of hope in her heart.

#˚ ༘♡ ⋆ mommy issues¡fic #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams #tlou #tlou fanfiction #tlou2 #₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟizzie writes!?#ellie tlou #ellie x reader #ellie williams fluff #ellie williams angst #ellie williams x you #ellie x dina #ellie williams fanfic #ellie x reader fluff #ellie x fem reader #ellie x y/n #ellie the last of us

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teabutmakeitazure · 1 year

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Cogency of the Deluded

>Yan! Chrollo x Fem! Reader

>Word count: 2.9k

>a/n: similar to Prerogative I wrote for Childe! Might give this one a part 2 who knows

Part 2 | Part 3

You love your parents.

You really do.

But when they’re casually laughing with the man who is the bane of your existence, you really want to bring yourself to express your displeasure. However, you don’t have the heart to shatter their beliefs, so you remain quiet, only nodding when absolutely necessary. It’s an outdoor setting, an outdoor restaurant. Of course you don’t want to make a scene either.

Chrollo eyes you with a challenging smile while your mother is busy whispering to your father, asking if they should invite him over for lunch the next weekend. You hate it. You absolutely loathe that when you glare at him, he simply looks smug in return.

He stalked you even when you were with your parents and had the gall to approach the little family outing and as the cherry on top, was invited to join them for dinner by your own father. You father! The man who gave you a stern look whenever you even mentioned a male specimen from your class or such invited this vexatious individual to join you all for dinner!

This is too unbelievable to be true.

Being the ‘gentleman’ that he is, he won the little discourse over the bill and ended up paying for everyone. You’re certain that your mother is just swooning on the inside. If only your parents were aware that auctioneering isn’t his actual profession. Ah, such a smooth liar.

Well. At least you know that you won’t be able to down the ice cream you were planning on eating after you got home. There is no way you can stomach it after seeing how your mother had innocently asked Chrollo how you both became friends. God forbid the proud smile on his face haunts your nightmares. You don’t think you would be able to sleep again if that were to happen.

You remain quiet during the entire exchange. Your mother obviously notices that something is wrong, but before she could ask you, Chrollo answers.

“[Name] and I recently had a little disagreement. I can understand why she’s quiet.”

“Did you?” Your mother's attention shifts back to him. “What happened?”

“I had asked her to allow me to meet the both of you. She… hadn’t appreciated that,” he chuckles. “I once again apologise if I happened to intrude on this family outing.”

Then sound more sincere when you’re sorry!

“Not at all, son,” your father replies. “It was a pleasure to meet you.”

Your mother expresses her happiness and fortune of meeting him as well, and he just smiles at that, not even bothering you a glance.

"Ah, where are you from?" Your father finally voices the billion jenny question, the possible deal-breaker. "I don't believe I asked you earlier."

Your attention shifts to him, every ounce of it directed towards him and observing every single twitch and change of his facial expressions. To your dismay, it remains the same. No change occurs, and it's almost as if he isn't a person who doesn't exist by legal records.

"York New." The lie slips through his lips with ease like the many others he's woven this evening. "I started my career there as well. It's a hub for auctions and merchandise of all sorts."

"That explains your accent," your father chuckles. "You must've picked it up with all the sophisticated people around haha!"

Your mother smiles at the jest, and you have to refrain yourself from making a disgusted face. Chrollo continues humouring them, telling them about his hobby of reading and how it actually shaped his way of speaking and vocabulary more than his surroundings did. You figure that this statement might be the first truth he's told this evening except for his name.

Speaking of names, you hope to God that neither of them ask his full name. You don't even want to know what second name he might make up.

"And what about your parents? What do they do for a living?"

Ah. There goes another question. Will your father drop the enquiries already?

"I apologise if this makes the conversation awkward, but they aren't around." Chrollo looks at your mother with a little smile and if you were in her shoes, you would call it sad. "I grew up without them. I'm afraid I don't know much about them."

Well. That's another truth. How much is he willing to divulge?

Your mother returns his smile with one of her own. It makes you happy that she's so sweet but knowing who's on the receiving end makes you borderline nauseous. "It's alright my dear. You have us, so don't ever hesitate to ever ask us anything or reach out if you ever want to."

Did… did she really just indirectly adopt him?

"Thank you very much for your hospitality ma'am. I'm actually quite glad I gathered the nerves to approach you tonight." Grey eyes now staring at you, he gently nudges your foot under the table and you freeze. "I just hope that [Name] forgives me for doing so without her permission."

A challenge. He wants to see what you do next. Should you say something? What should you say? You can't possibly tell your parents anything. He's already painted the perfect picture for himself. There is no possible way that you could defile the painting without revealing the truth.

Doing something so horrible to your parents is out of the question. They don't deserve to see their daughter be harassed by a criminal in front of them. No. Not at all.

Chrollo nudges your foot again, smile widening and you snap out of autopilot. Mind blank, you hastily reach and grab at anything you can in your brain, any string of coherent words that you might voice as an answer. Unfortunately, your pacifist nature allowed for one single word to be spoken.

“Alright.”

Your mother elbows your side. Groaning, you side eye her for the abruptness of the action, but she simply shrugs. Excusing herself for a moment, she goes to whisper something in your father’s ear. Dread settles in when the man opposite to you smiles at you again, the chatter of the outdoor restaurant being the only noise that covers your wildly beating heart.

You sincerely wish you could go home already.

The seconds that pass by during your parents’ hushed conversation feel like hours. Chrollo, however, finds your anxiousness amusing. He rests his chin on the back of his palms and outright ogles you, uncaring of your father taking notice of the action. His gaze along with the background chatter proves to be too much for your brain, so you look away but he nudges his foot against yours once more.

There’s no reaction from your side. You know what he’s trying to do, and you refuse to give him the satisfaction. Being the persistent man that he is, he hits his foot against yours again before giving it a harder nudge, one that instantly makes you face him again. There’s no reaction from him except for a tilt of his head and his narrowing eyes.

Finally. Finally your mother separates from your father’s side, a soft smile on her face when she looks at you then to Chrollo.

“Chrollo, dear, is it alright if you drop off [Name]?”

What?

“I want you both to work out any arguments you may have,” she continues. “You may drop her home when your differences are worked out. I’m sure you won’t give him trouble, right [Name]?”

Her voice was strained when she said your name. It’s a warning from her. You know that, yet you still tell her that it’s nothing but Chrollo cuts you off.

“I would love that. Thank you, and I’ll be sure to drop her off as soon as possible.”

No one listens to your hesitant objections, and your parents simply bid you goodbye, leaving you standing alone outside the restaurant with the man who’s been terrorising your life for a significant amount of time.

When they’re roughly out of earshot, he speaks. “They’re a lovely bunch. I’m glad I met them.”

“Please, for the love of God, Chrollo don’t hurt them.”

He turns to you, hands in his pockets. “Who said anything about hurting them?”

Speechless, you look at him with your mouth open. He seems as nonchalant as ever. Maybe even content. It makes you all the more unbelieving of his words. “I mean it. Please, Chrollo. Just… listen to me.”

Glancing to the direction where your parents took off, you breathe a sigh of relief when you don’t spot them but immediately turn back to the man in front of you. Your index finger and thumb grasp his sleeve, eyes pleadingly looking into his. “Don’t hurt them. You… you would either hurt them or… or…”

You can’t bring yourself to voice the other possibility. Chest heaving, you sincerely hope that no one around you notices the state you’re in. Eyes fall to the ground, staring at your shoes, but you push through even against the fuzziness in your head from the anxiety. “Or you would… would end them. Please. Let them be.”

There’s no immediate answer from Chrollo. You wonder what kind of face he’s making but with your gaze fixed on the ground, you don’t have it in you to look up and face the confirmation of your fears. A few dreadful moments pass without any words spoken, and when you feel like you’re finally at your wits end, he grabs your chin with his other hand and makes you meet his gaze.

“Like I said, there’s no reason for me to hurt them.” He smiles, rubbing the corner of your eye and catching a tear before moving onto the other. “They brought you into this world. I don’t see any reason why I should treat them with anything less than courteousness. And to be frank, I’m looking forward to having lunch with them. It’ll help me get to know you better. How their personalities and habits shaped you is something I find quite intriguing.”

You retreat your hand, holding it to your chest by the wrist as though you just burned yourself. Chrollo simply chuckles at the display, both hands now holding your face as his thumbs run over your cheekbones.

To any onlooker, the scene might resemble that of a young couple spending time together but to you the scene is of Chrollo implicitly showing his power over you. It’s honestly disturbing how he reduced you into begging without even giving a direct threat.

“So, where do you want to go? We don’t have any arguments to make amends for, so we might as well kill some time.”

You gently brush away his hands, afraid that using too much force might invoke his wrath. “I don’t believe you. This… this can’t be right.”

“Am I so bad that simply being nice to you is suspicious?”

“You have no idea.”

Chrollo’s grin widens. “Unfortunately for you, you don’t have a say in whether you want to go or not. I’ll give you another chance. Pick a spot or I’ll pick something for us.”

You internally shudder at the word ‘us’. "I don't believe you when you say that you won't hurt them."

"You won't believe most of what I say until I do it," he challenges. Begrudgingly admitted, he is right. You didn't believe him when he said that he knows where your parents live. If you didn't still live with them, the signed flower bouquet he sent might've been discovered.

You don't humour him with a response, watching how he raises his sleeve to check the time. "One hour," he demands, "I want at least one hour with you and only then will I allow you to go home."

"As if I can't just get a cab if you refuse to drive me-"

"I used the word 'allow' for a reason, darling." Hands once again in his pockets, he gives another one of his smug smiles. "It would be daft of you to think that I can't monopolise you in this way."

A thought slithers into your mind. You could just run away, turn on your heel and not look back. This is a public place. The most Chrollo can do is run after you, but when the chatter and noise of the people around you floods your hearing, you throw away the idea. It will never be worth the risk.

Putting innocent civilians in danger just to act out a little temper tantrum is not what you want to do. But still… the prospect of seeing his eyes go wide as he watches you go farther and farther from his reach is tempting. For once, you want him to know what it feels like to be helpless.

"What might be more important than me that you've drifted off?"

Perhaps you'll get lucky and dream about that expression on his face.

"My parents. Let's just go, Chrollo."

He slings his arm around your shoulder, satisfied at your compliance. "Next time," he whispers, "I'll take you to where I'm staying."

The ice cream in your freezer lives to see another day it seems. There is no possibility that you can stomach it after all this.

"I might take offence if you remain this silent."

You cross your arms at Chrollo's words, letting the silence in the car persist. After parading you around with your hand in his, you are in no mood to entertain him with conversation. The vicissitude of your situation has been anything but pleasant or welcome, and you're sure that the man driving the car revels in your displeased attention.

"Are you mad at me?"

Shaking your head, you settle your eyes on his hands. They grip the steering wheel, muscles flexing whenever he moves it. Perhaps the possibility of you gazing at his arms is why he folded his sleeves. You did notice that he stopped wearing coats around you when you accidentally did that once, sleeves randomly exposing his arms every now and then.

"If you aren't mad, then why aren't you speaking? You know I love your voice."

You sigh. "I'm tired."

"Hm."

Chrollo takes a right turn, and you watch how his hands move the steering wheel, fingers elegantly tapping an unfamiliar tune on the surface. You feel your eyelids get heavy, but you refuse your body any sort of rest, readjusting yourself in your seat when you notice Chrollo going straight instead of turning left.

“Hey, that’s the wrong way,” you call out.

“It’s the wrong way for one destination but the right way for another.”

“Chrollo, turn back.” Unable to dig up any courage when he continues driving, you don’t even try to look at him. “Please, turn back. I need to go home.”

Your voice comes out shakier than expected, and Chrollo graces you with a brief glance. However, he continues driving. There’s no sign of him stopping, so you try your luck again.

“I need to go home. My parents will be worried. Please.”

“Had they been worried, they would’ve called you,” he reasons.

“They’ve sent me texts.”

“My point still stands.”

“They didn’t call because they trusted you with getting me home safely.”

“I am taking you home.”

Eyes fixed on your fidgeting hands, you take a deep breath, voice low. “That’s not home.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

The car slows as though reflecting Chrollo’s slow consideration of your words. On the next junction, he takes a U-turn, but neither of you comment on it. It’s a little over half past ten which is very late into the night by your standards to be out. You’re sure your mother is worried. You just wish that he realised that instead of messing with you.

The promise to take you to wherever he’s staying is still haunting you.

Silence once again fills the car. Chrollo’s lack of comments is partly due to your timorous demeanour. He doesn’t wish to upset you more, but he still wants to mess around. Thus, he internally debates whether or not he should let his hand roam over your thigh all the while glancing at you now and then.

Before he could reach a conclusion, the car stopped in front of your home. Your hand immediately reaches for the door handle but Chrollo is quicker, locking the car through the driver’s controls and simply smiling at you when you look at him appalled.

“Your mother is watching,” he points out,” so try to be civil.”

“How do you know?”

“The kitchen window. She’s peeking through the curtains.”

She was very likely waiting for you to come back home.

Chrollo instructs you to remain seated, but exits the car himself. Smoothing out his shirt, he casually saunters over to your side, opening the door for you and gesturing you to take his hand when you get outside. You know what he’s doing. He’s putting on a show for your mother. How charming.

Chrollo calls your name when you’re near the door, but when you turn back, he doesn’t say anything. All he does is walk up to you and lean in. Lips tickling your earlobe, he whispers in a low voice like he’s sharing a secret between the two of you.

“I’ll drop by after midnight. Don’t lock your window.”

The silence of the residential street is synonymous to your speechless reaction. Suddenly, you regret not taking up the attic as your bedroom.

#hunter x reader #yandere hunter x reader #yandere hunter x hunter #hunter x hunter x reader #hunter #chrollo lucifer x reader #yandere chrollo lucilfer #yandere chrollo #yandere chrollo x reader #chrollo x reader

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nochukoo97 · 10 months

Text

p.s. i love you (1)

pairing: doctor!jungkook x doctor!oc

summary: you’ve been tasked to a young toddler as a patient with jungkook, the both of you grow fond of the child, loving and caring for her like she was your own. yet when things take a huge turn and takes everyone by surprise, jungkook is there to catch you.

warnings: angst, comfort, mentions of death, but not oc or jk 🙃

word count: 3k+

p.s. i love you masterlist!

snippet of the chapter:

Jungkook pushes the hair out of your face and wipes the tear rolling down your cheek.

Your stomach does a flip.

“I hate to see you so upset, wish I knew how to make you feel better, hmm?”

It’s busy in the hospital at the moment as many patients are being admitted, you find your schedule more and more packed with various patients. Meanwhile, your eyebags are getting heavier and darker, your meal times have been cut short, and you practically now live at the hospital from how long you stay here every day.

“___ I have a new patient for you,” Your head of department is briefing the team, assigning them specific patients to give specific care to, those in the ICU. You pray that you aren’t being assigned to another creepy pedophile, out of your history of patients, these weren’t the most ideal to work with.

“You’ll be working with Dr. Jeon, you two have to watch over Yeseo, she’s 4 years old with stage 3 cancer, and her parents are not available to be with her all the time as they are financially unstable and need to work constantly in order to keep up with the hospital bills and treatments.”

“I hope the both of you take the time to bond with the child and watch carefully over her, her parents have trusted us to ensure she’s happy and safe.”

You nod calmly, but your heart is going to rip out of your chest.

You’ve just been assigned to your long term crush who has a full sleeve of tattoos and rides a Harley Davidson.

You tell yourself to stay focused on what is important, it’s the toddler with a detrimental illness, not your stupid crush.

You see Jungkook, who’s sitting a few chairs away from you, turn to face you. But you look straight ahead because if you even dare to move your gaze towards him, you’d just lose all control.

When the briefing is over, you pack your stuff up to rush to your desk, but an arm grabs you to halt you in your steps as you whip around.

Jeon Jungkook.

Shit.

“___ I’m aware we’re scheduled for 3pm later to visit Yeseo, but I have a clashing appointment with my new patient so I’ll be a little late, I apologise in advance,”

He has an apologetic smile on his face that makes you want to forgive him for anything, it makes you want to tell him that he can not show up at all and you would still forgive him.

___ you’re at work. Focus.

You’re really trying your best to ignore the fact that you have a massive fucking crush on him, trying to stay professional. But it’s hard.

————————————————————————

“Hi Yeseo, I’m ___ and I’ll be taking care of you with another nice doctor okay?” You use your baby voice that normally works when introducing yourself to young children, but it seems like she’s a little different.

She’s timid as she hides under the blanket, only her eyes popping out to stare at you.

You watch as her hands clutch onto the blanket tightly.

Poor thing, she must be tired and overwhelmed with the amount of therapy and treatment she has to go through, without her parents around.

“Do you like puppies?”

She nods softly, eyes lighting up at the question but still hiding under the comfort of her blanket.

“Well, Dr Jeon has a puppy and maybe I can get him to show you the very very cute puppy later okay?” You give her a big smile, trying your hardest to crack through her shell.

“Did I hear my name?”

Geez. Your heart drops as the familiar deep voice rings from the door of the room.

Jungkook comes in with his warm smile and you watch as his lips curve upwards, you want to kiss-

You seriously need to stop and control yourself.

“Puppy?” There’s a small delicate voice that comes from the girl hiding further under the blanket, probably from having a new face enter into the room.

“Ahh, did my partner tell you about my puppy? Wanna take a look?” Jungkook pulls the other chair towards the bed next to you as he pulls out his phone.

You sincerely hope he cannot hear your heart thudding in your chest from the way he said “my partner”.

But you remind yourself that he meant it as work colleagues.

You watch in endearment as Jungkook shows Yeseo short clips of his dog, Bam, which he had once brought to the hospital to show another young child who loved dogs.

You and Jungkook finish off the day with checking her vitals and preparing her for her treatment tomorrow, and when you close the door to the room, you sigh in satisfaction. Finally, after almost a ten hour shift, you get to relax.

“Thanks for today,” Jungkook snaps you out of your daze.

“Hmm? For what?” You frown, confused.

“Being such a good partner, I’m glad we got paired up together, you work so well with young kids it’s admirable, and I think we had a good start with her today thanks to you,”

He’s making you go insane at this point, you just hope he cannot see your ears turning a bright shade of red.

“You’re surprisingly good with them too, I think Yeseo will like you more because you have Bam,” You tease him, nudging his shoulder.

It’s really muscular.

“We’ll see about that,” He chuckles at your words.

————————————————————————

You rub at your temples and sigh, the elderly patient who was just admitted into the ICU for having high blood pressure and almost going into a heart attack is not cooperating.

She had been refusing to accept treatment from anyone, no matter how much convincing you and your doctors had tried.

“I don’t need this,” She's grumbling as her forehead wrinkles from frowning, “I am not sick and I don’t need treatment,”

“But Miss, You are in critical condition and I really advice you take the treatments-“

She cuts you off again, stubbornly rejecting you for the millionth time.

“Hey, I’m gonna take a breather outside,” You inform the other nurse in the room as she gives you a nod and a sympathetic smile.

Being a doctor wasn’t an easy job, but it was really rewarding seeing patients improve in their conditions and happily get discharged. Even though there were definitely some cases that made your head hurt, like today, you often tried to tell yourself not to give up.

It’s really hard when your head was throbbing and you were surviving on two hours of sleep. To add onto that you were on a schedule that ended at 10pm tonight.

You don’t notice Jungkook standing a distance away, distracted from the conversation he was having with one of the nurses. He watches your huffing and tired state, gaze softening as he calls Hoseok from his desk.

“Hey, Dr Jeon called me to take over you, why don’t you go and take a break before your next appointment, I think I’ll take over from here,”

Hoseok takes you by surprise as he approaches you, taking the clipboard of the old lady’s documents from your hand and opening the door.

“Thanks,” You called out before the door closed.

You look around to find how on earth Jungkook knew what you were doing, meeting his soft gaze as he mouths, “Take a break,”

You smile at him, mouthing back a “thank you” as you walk back to your office

————————————————————————

You’re back in the hospital two weeks after Yeseo had been admitted into the ICU, she had been in and out, her conditions were not very stable, yet she did show some signs of improving.

“Yeseo, I really need you to try and eat this okay? It’s really yummy and it’ll make you strong!”

You’re trying your best to persuade the 4 year old to eat some food. She had been refusing to be fed for the past 24hours and you’re desperate to get something in the toddler’s stomach.

She crosses her arms and pouts, spitting out a cute but fiesty “No,”

Jungkook, who’s sitting on the chair next to you, takes the spoon of porridge from you as he inches closer to the pouting toddler,

“Here comes the airplane~”

You almost sneer at the way his voice raises two octaves and how the spoon in his hands swerve around Yeseo’s face.

“Open wide!” The spoon in Jungkook’s hand nears her mouth, but she seals her mouth shut as he sighs at the failed attempt.

You let Jungkook figure out another way to convince the poor toddler to eat, or else it’s the IV drip that’s next.

“Yeseo, if we cannot feed you this food, do you know what Doctor Jeon will have to do?” He puts down the spoon and questions her.

The toddler shakes her head as she peers curiously, waiting for the answer.

“We will have to put another tube in you! Remember how you didn’t like the other tubes when we did your treatment?“

Jungkook tries to explain the IV drip to the four year old toddler in the simplest way for her to understand

But his tactic seems to work almost too well when Yeseo starts to tear up, her lips wobbling as she shakes her head.

“Don’t want! No tube!” She wails, the tears beginning to stroll down her cheeks.

“Okay, okay, we won’t put the tube if you help us to eat some of this yummy porridge okay?” You tell her, carrying her into your lap, as the toddler burying her face into your chest and sniffs.

“No tube?” Yeseo asks, looking at Jungkook for confirmation.

“Yes, no tube I promise, so now be a good girl and eat this for us okay?” Jungkook confirms.

————————————————————————

After feeding Yeseo, Jungkook walks over to check on her results from the recent tests she had undergone.

“Seems like she’s doing a little better,” Jungkook informs you

You smile at that, “That��s amazing,”

“Sleepy,” The toddler on your lap yawns, clinging onto your shirt to get your attention.

You check the time, realising it’s a little past her usual naptime.

“Okay, let’s go to sleep okay? Then we’ll be back tomorrow to play with you again!” Jungkook takes her from your lap, tucking her into the sheets.

She nods, eyes half shut as she waves at the both of you, an adorable habit she developed whenever she was going to fall asleep.

You smile at her actions, “And your mummy and daddy will be here to see you when you wake up, so make sure you sleep well now!”

She’s a little more excited to sleep as she forcefully shuts her eyes, making the both of you laugh.

————————————————————————

The last thing you expected was for you to walk into the office today, ready for work with a good eight hours of sleep, only to walk into a room that was filled with a solemn atmosphere.

Your head of department nodded for you to take a seat, you glanced over to Jungkook and he had this look on his face telling you something wasn't well.

“What happened? Is it Yeseo?” You’re panicking, thinking she’s back in the ICU after being out of it for a few days.

“Don’t tell me her cancer has progressed,” Your voice wobbles a little, afraid that after her condition seemed to be improving, there was a chance it could have slipped again.

“Yeseo’s parents are here ___, they wanted to tell you and the rest of the doctors something,”

That’s not a good sign.

Yeseo’s vitals and conditions had been going up and down recently, but with your analysis from you and Jungkook’s visit, she had been doing a little better.

You didn’t want to even think about what was about to happen next.

“I just want to thank you all, specifically Dr Jeon and ____ for taking such good care of Yeseo, as well as the other doctors who often came in to check up on her,” Her father speaks up

You gulp

“We are extremely grateful for the love and care you brought to her, and whenever we visit her, she always mentioned how you all showered her with so much love,” Her mum continues

A silent tear rolls down your cheek.

You know what’s about to happen.

“Unfortunately, Yeseo left us this morning, but when we came over last night to visit her, we talked to her,“

“She somehow seemed to know her time was up soon-”

Her mum begins to burst into tears before she can complete her sentence.

You do the same.

You run up to her mum, embracing her tightly.

“I’m so so so sorry,” You sob as you hug her mum, tears roll down your cheeks as you gasp for air, shocked from the news that took you aback the moment you walked into the room.

“I’m so sorry I couldn’t save her, I wish I could have done more to help, I’m terribly sorry,” You’re apologising over and over again,

Her mum shakes her head as she lovingly wipes the tears from your face, even though more begins to pour down.

Jungkook’s eyes turn red from the amount of heavy emotion in the room, watching as you cry in her mum’s embrace.

“It isn’t your fault at all dear, in fact, I couldn’t thank you enough for being there for her in her last moments,” Her mum tears with a smile on her face,

With more hugs and comforting, her parents leave teary-eyed, but with a smile, thanking everyone in the unit for all their help.

Jungkook wants to approach you to comfort you while you still cry as you walk out of the room.

But he has to control his own tears from spilling out.

He doesn’t make it in time to approach you before you hide in the comfort of your office.

————————————————————————

You haven’t been this affected by a death ever since your first dog had passed away.

You can’t seem to stop the tears flowing as you somehow feel regret.

Even though you know that whenever you serve a patient, there is never a 100% chance that they make it out, and it was something all the doctors had to train themselves mentally for. Most of the time you manage to comfort yourself and others, acknowledging how everyone did their best to help, and that was all that matters, no matter the outcome.

But with how close you grew with Yeseo and the determination you felt to make her better, the piece of news today overwhelmed your feelings.

It felt as if you had lost a child, a loved one who you cared for so much and nurtured.

It hurt you so bad to suddenly have her presence gone, to have to accept you would no longer have any more appointments with her.

There’s a knock on your office door that interrupts your crying.

“___?”

It’s Jungkook. You recognise his voice immediately.

“I’m coming in okay?”

You hurriedly wipe your tears, catching your breath as you pretend to look down at the documents on your table.

At the corner of your eye, you see Jungkook pull the chair across your desk next to you, head lowering slightly to attempt to look at you.

“How are you processing the information?” He questions, his voice soft yet filled with hesitation.

You shrug, not trusting your voice to answer the man.

“I know it’s hard, I’ve seen you grow so much with her and I have too, it’s sad but it’s a reality that we have as doctors, you never know who you can save and who you can’t”

Another tear rolls down your cheek

Jungkook pushes a hair out of your face and wipes the tear rolling down.

Your stomach does a flip.

“I hate to see you so upset, wish I knew how to make you feel better, hmm?”

His words take you by surprise, but you suppress your reaction to that.

“Don’t say it like that, you’re messing with me,” You whisper, peering up at him through your red bloodshot eyes.

He raises an eyebrow at you, “How am I messing with you baby?”

You stiffen at the pet name.

Jungkook’s quiet for a second, he silently cusses at himself for letting it slip.

“Come here,” He calls you.

You look up to him as he has his arms open, signalling for you to come closer to him.

You’re reluctant to let yourself do so, your heart thumping in your chest from the intimacy he’s about to make you experience.

He’s playing around with your feelings too much.

“Come on, I don’t bite,” Jungkook teases you, as you laugh, playfully smacking his arm, already feeling better with his presence.

You’re grateful for Jungkook’s muscular arms bringing you into a hug.

It makes you feel a little better knowing he’s here to comfort you.

#jungkook fluff #jungkook #jungkook au #jungkook ff #jungkook smut #jungkook x oc #jungkook x reader #bts #bts ff #bts fic #jungkook imagine #jungkook imagines #jungkook angst #boyfriend jungkook

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darkdevasofdestruction · 11 months

Text

Being in a relationship with Yoroizuka Saw Paing...

This boy is your own worst nightmare.

Ever since you first met, as children, playing around the village, he has taken a liking to you.

He’s that sort of dumbass child who only wants to play around from before sunrise, to absolute midnight.

You can’t just play all day, of course - You’re the daughter of the village healers, so, unlike Saw Paing, you are actually busy!

And not empty-headed.

To this day, you still have no idea what exactly possessed him to like you so much, as you haven’t even properly talked before...

But for the next 15 years, Saw Paing asked you out.

Every. Single. Day.

And every single time, you declined him.

Though he was exasperating, especially when he appeared out of nowhere, sometime even hanging upside down from the roof and facing him as soon as you opened the door to the outside, just to grin widely and SHRIEK good morning or whatever.

If you weren’t already the healer’s daughter, you’d have had him pay the bill for your hearing problem appointments.

Despite how incredibly persistent Saw Paing is, like a cockroach thriving through the radiations of Chernobyl, he’s still your best and only friend.

The best part of him is when he’s cooking.

Although you claim to cook ‘together’, it’s always him who ends up doing everything.

And his cooking is out of this world good.

Not only that, it’s also the only time, except for sleeping, when Saw Paing isn’t yelling from the top of his lungs.

He’s actually adorable.

You also appreciated how sweet he always was with you, being perfectly fine with being just best friends, and when you get a boyfriend, he doesn’t ask you out, but instead, asks you if you’re happy.

He also gives you the best hugs in the world.

Saw Paing isn’t good at giving proper advice most of the time, but he’s good at shading other people.

Despite how overly optimistic and positive this man is, if you want to gossip, he’s your guy.

He also makes you laugh big time, and there’s never a sad day with him by your side.

After 15 whole years and hearing 5478 times ‘May I court you?’ you finally agree.

He yells so loudly out of happiness that you’re pretty sure Gaolang heard him, all the way from Thailand.

Speaking of Gaolang - You hate him.

Not literally, no - But Saw Paing speaks of him CONSTANTLY, to the point that you can’t stand hearing the name of this Muay Thai fighter without imagining what kind of menace he is.

A friend of Saw Paing must be as obnoxious as him, if he can stand his guts, right?

For 5 whole years, you were doomed to hear of Gaolang Wongsawat, the fighter who defeated Saw Paing... But finally, after all these years, the Burmese is sooooo happy that you’re dating, that he ends up dragging you all the way to Thailand, to Gaolang’s apartment no less, and end up breaking in, despite the heavy security.

He also brought cake to celebrate with his best friend and girlfriend.

Hours after you awkwardly sit on the chair in the kitchen - And then he finally arrives - And he’s completely different from what you expected.

Apathetic, laid-back, silent, and he has a soft voice - Basically, the complete opposite of Saw Paing.

“What. The hell. Are you doing here.” the poor man dropped his grocery bags to the ground, only to cringe as he heard his name with screeched. “GAOLAAAAAAANG, MY ETERNAL RIVAAAAAAAL!” Saw was jumping up and down from pure glee. “Yell louder, I think my mum didn’t hear you, all the way from the village.” you groan, rubbing your ears. “Gaolang! Gaolang! Listen - This is my girlfriend, Y/N! Isn’t she the best?!” his eyes widened even more, hearing that name. “I see. Good for you, Saw Paing. But that doesn’t answer my question.” the Thai tried, in vain, to hold the obnoxious man down. “Yoroizuka Saw Paing, sit down right now.” like an obedient puppy, Saw uttered a small ‘yes’ and sat down on the chair next to you. Sighing, you got up and extended your hand to the owner of the apartment. “I’m not sure if I should introduce myself first, or ask my forgiveness in his stead - But it’s great finally meeting you... After so many years of hearing about you.” The poor man looked down at you, a bewildered expression on his face - He wasn’t sure if the fact that Saw Paing listened to you without a single complaint, or that you were the complete opposite of your boyfriend - You were actually normal! “I can say the same, Miss Y/N.” “GAOLANG! I’M SO HAPPY AND HYPED UP! LET’S FIGHT!” both you and Gaolang glared at the man and said a firm ‘no’. He quieted down.

You and Gaolang became instant best friends, and he takes notes on how to successfully make Saw get the hell away from him and stop stalking him even inside the shower, just to challenge him to a fight.

Though you both get easily annoyed with the Burmese, you had tons of lovely stories to tell about him.

Whenever Saw was too busy with underground fights to protect your village, you’d hang out with Gaolang and have a picnic in the beautiful gardens of the King’s Palace.

“When I was five years old, I wanted to play around with the others, but they didn’t really want me - I was never really athletic, being always busy with helping my parents with healing people - Saw noticed I was lonely by the side while everyone was playing, so he took the ball and got me away from the others. Said I don’t need them, and taught me how to play football and volleyball. He always went super easy on me and let me win. It was... Really cute.” Gaolang smiled, seeing the cute blush on your face - His friend was lucky to have someone love him as much as you do.

“My parents always trusted Saw to take care of me, so he let us go out at night to watch the stars. Saw tried to flex his star-knowledge, but he was wrong more often than not. He didn’t get mad when I corrected him and told him the facts, or when I’d show him constellations, or tell him trivia about planets. I’d actually hear him boasting about how smart I am, and how cool the stars are... Even though most people couldn’t care less about unimportant things like the celestial bodies.” if only he knew the fondness with which you spoke of him, Gaolang was sure Saw Paing would propel himself to the moon with happiness.

“I’m actually pretty bad at cooking, despite making revolutionary potions, concoctions and ointments - Pretty pathetic, I know, it’s actually kinda funny - But Saw was always so patient with me, and he’d teach me how to cook; And when I’d be too tired from work, he’d just come over and cook me a ton of warm meals - Of course, he’d cook so much that he’d need to stay over and help me finish everything.” though you’d only been together for a few years, your stories made you sound like the most lovely married couple.

“I had a boyfriend once - A real jerk that one, been together only a month - He got so jealous at my friendship with Saw that he tried to hit me for allegedly cheating on him. I’ve never seen Saw so angry, he almost killed that guy - He deserved it though. He got very protective after that. I always feel safe with him. Don’t tell him that though, it’ll only get to his head, and he’s loud enough as it is.” your laugh signified a subtle joke, and Gaolang was sure Saw Paing was already well aware of all the things you’ve told him so far.

“I was really scared of leaving the village, though I really wanted to see the big cities, learn more about the modern life and what not, but I was too much of a coward. The unknown scares me. It was Saw who always took me with him to all of his fights, and we’d go together to explore around. Somehow, we never got lost, even if we were in a country that spoke a different language. He saw how much I liked everything around, so he got us a cute house with a garden. Home is still home, but we also like to see new things.” you were so head over heels in love with this man.

You always loved going to karaoke and hear the soft love ballads that Saw would dedicate you... Though Gaolang singing the Thai Anthem was always hilarious.

Though still a little energetic and childish, Saw Paing was always incredibly mature and romantic, despite rarely showing it - It was very endearing.

He’d get you flowers from the forest every day and gift them to you - A beautiful day for a beautiful lady must begin with a beautiful flower!

You were always there to encourage him in his lethwei journey - Especially as you were the one to always tend to him, and worried about his health and well being - And you knew about his father, and later, his brother and their death while working for Sanemitsu.

Somehow, Saw remained optimistic, and you were there by his side through everything; Even if he claimed to be a man, and the one supposed to take care of you, you’d simply shut him up with a kiss.

He was a fool in love.

When the Kengan Tournament began, he was more than eager to take you with him on the luxurious cruise ship, and though he was dressed in shorts and a classic hawaiian colourful short-sleeved shirt for dads on vacation, he had bought you a shit ton of super pretty clothes that you liked.

He always loves having you all happy and confident, and all dolled up, right next to him.

You were very happy to see Gaolang there also, so the three of you stuck like glue throughout the tournament.

You knew your fair share about fighting stuff from Saw, but seeing everything unfold in the ring, you were not only able to learn more theory, but witness styles that you’ve never even heard of before.

You pulled Saw in a long kiss when his first fight came by, and of course, you were sure he was gonna win - And he did, with great style!

Speak about hard-headed.

Of course, the Thai God of War also won, so the first night and the next day were filled with good times...

Until the second round came by, and they both lost - It was most devastating.

Unlike Gaolang, who became more motivated to get better and better, Saw was completely demoralised and wanted to completely give up fighting and eventually dig a hole and bury himself alive.

“You disgust me, Saw Paing! This isn’t the man who kept asking me out every day, for over five thousand times, fifteen years! You are a fighter - Get the hell up and fight!” you yelled at him, but he kept his head down. “Gaolang’s famous right fist is shattered - He can’t even feel it! But you know what? He’s still reaching for the skies, and he’s going to succeed! Why aren’t you the same?! Weren’t you always the one preaching about hard-work and positivity?! Where has all that gone?”

When he continued keeping his silence, you scoffed at him. “Don’t come sleep in our room until you’ve learnt your lesson.” “I don’t deserve you, Y/N.” you hear him mutter. “I wanted to ask you to marry me once I’ve won the competition and secured our Village. I failed you both.” “You’re pathetic. I don’t want to see you again. Not like this. Stay away from both myself and Y/N.” came Gaolang’s equally harsh comment, which made Saw whimper slightly.

Until the coup d’etat, Saw didn’t look for either you or Gaolang - But of course, he had to protect you and make sure his friend doesn’t destroy his right fist and becomes unable to fight and protect His Majesty, King Rama.

All the fighters of his Village were there to support Katahara and the organisation, and with a new thirst for life and need to protect those that he cherishes so much, he made his way outside of the coup halls and in search of you two.

When he saw you, he pulled you in a strong bear-hug and started crying, asking for your forgiveness and hoping you’ll want to marry him, even if he’s a loser and a dead-beat that can’t win a tournament.

It goes without saying, all three of you make up, and Gaolang becomes the Best Man at your wedding.

Along with Karo, you and Saw were Gaolang’s biggest supporters at the Kengan vs Purgatory Tournament, and biggest cheerleaders once you saw the dirty way in which he lost - By a ring out.

Though his win against Cos was fantastic, you were upset for him that he lost against that dumbass Rihito, or later on, against Mokichi the Vicar.

Still, you were happy that he was able to finally defeat Seki after so many tries.

Your boy was improving so fast, and you were so proud of him!

Not only that, but he was also so positive all the time, and didn’t allow himself to stump down to such unexpected lows.

Wherever you go, Saw is going to show you off like you’re some kind of movie star, and shout that you’re his perfect wife and what not.

Would make sure there’s always flowers in the vase on the table.

And he’s still the master chef of the house.

Is also incredibly fascinated about gardening, so will tend to your garden.

Every time you go out, he’s going to come home with a new garden ornament.

Biggest travel enthusiast there is, but loves to stay in the nature, especially the forest, the most.

Despite how energetic he is, he’d urge you to join him in meditating by the waterfall.

Would also love to bride your hair.

He’s very passionate when it comes to your intimate life, and will make sure you know how much he loves you.

Be it compliments, confessions or touches.

When you’re making love also, though he’s not as talkative, he will make sure you’re feeling comfortable and relaxed; He’d crack jokes or playfully kiss you or move you around, tickle or pinch you, only to hear you giggling.

Saw might need some looking after and a solid emotional support, but he’s a fantastic partner on whom you can rely on, and will always make sure you know how much he cherishes you with his entire heart.

---------------

Being in a relationship with Wakatsuki Takeshi... Being in a relationship with Yoroizuka Saw Paing... Being in a relationship with Kure Raian... Being in a relationship with Tokuno’o Tokumichi... Being in a relationship with Kano Agito... Being in a relationship with Gaolang Wongsawat... Being in a relationship with Gaoh Ryuki... Being in a relationship with Narushima Koga...

#kengan ashura #kengan ashura x reader #kengan ashura imagine #kengan #kengan imagine #kengan x reader #saw paing #saw paing x reader #saw paing imagine #yoroizuka saw paing #yoroizuka saw paing x reader #yoroizuka saw paing imagine #kengan omega #kengan omega x reader #kengan omega imagine

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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 2 years

Text

Helping Hand

Sequel to Stress Relief, Right Through Me, Waiting, Honey I’m Home, Won’t Give Up, Midnight, Dinner Time, and The Limit

Warnings: noncon, housewife kink, fear, postpartum depression, abuse, suicidal thoughts.

Even though it’s a drabble, I do appreciate any comments and feedback you have. Thanks for reading!

👗👗👗

You shush and rock the baby, her shrill crying twisting the screw in your stomach, fueling the fire roiling in your chest. You just want her to shut up! You want peace. You want quiet. You want a moment to breathe.

Your own tears begin to fall as the urge to shake her stiffens your arms and for a moment, you see yourself doing it. You see yourself shaking her until she is quiet. But you don’t.

You pant in horror at the visions in your head and you make yourself put her down. She’s still furiously crying but she’s safe. From you.

You clutch your head and let your terror flow down your cheeks. You back up to the footstool before the glider and slouch over as you sob. You can’t do this anymore.

You’re going to kill Martha or yourself, because you know you don’t stand a chance against Clark.

You hear the front door and sit up straight. Shit! You stand up and swipe away the tears, going back to the crib to take his daughter out. You hold her to your chest and coo, bouncing up and down as you try to soothe her. She won’t nurse and she won’t sleep. You don’t know what else to do.

You hear Clark talking but not loud enough for you to hear. Then he gets a response, from someone else. Confusion swells with your frustration and you slowly near the door, the blare of your daughter quaking in your eardrum.

“Honey,” Clark looks at you over his shoulder as you peek down the hall, “there you are.”

“Uh, sorry, I…” you’re a mess. You’re wearing clothes covered in food and spit-up and you haven’t showered in days. “I’m just putting her down for her nap.”

“Here,” Clark beckons to you, a rare instance of him offering to take her.

You near and gulp as you see the other woman. She watches with concern, a purse over her shoulder as you hand over the child to your husband. She quiets as he cradles her with one arm and you sigh.

Of course. She fucking hates you. How could she not? She must sense how you feel the same.

“This is Laney,” he introduces the stranger, “she’s our new nanny.”

“What?” You’re shocked. You almost falter as your legs shake. Help. A nanny. You could cry again.

“Laney,” you croak as you put your hand to your chest. You know better than to act up. “Hi. It’s so nice to meet you.”

You shake her hand as she smiles nervously, “yeah, I uh, saw the post in this group I’m part of and to be honest, working at Wal-mart doesn’t cover the bills. I do breakfast shifts at a diner too and tips aren’t what they used to be.”

“Oh my gosh,” you’re jolted by her response.

Just that you’re talking to someone who isn’t your husband or the clingy child. The reminder of the world outside; a Wal-mart? A diner? How long has it been since you’ve seen either?

“That sounds like a lot.”

“Yeah, but this should let me take a break from serving,” she smiles, “and oh my god, what a cutie.”

She steps closer to Clark and marvels at Martha. You feel a blade sink into you. How come you can’t feel that? A stranger can make eyes at your child but you can only feel loathing.

“”Um, Laney,” Clark intones, “do you mind taking Martha? I just need to talk to my wife…” he lowers his voice, “you’re kind of a surprise for her.”

“Of course, Mr. Kent,” she grins and takes the baby.

He nods and lets her take Martha before he backs away. He puts his hand on your shoulder and leads you back down the hall to the nursery. He shuts the door as you jitter, in disbelief.

“Clark?” You eke out.

“She’s gonna give us some time, honey,” he says as he rubs your arms, “aren’t you happy?”

“Oh my god, yes, thank you,” you sputter, “Clark, I–”

“You can thank me later,” he breathes and cups your chest, biting his lip, “won’t you?”

#clark kent #dark clark kent #dark!clark kent #clark kent x reader #drabble #dark drabble #dark!drabble #dcu #dc #superman

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leocancertaurus · 2 years

Text

A Debt to Pay Pt. 2

cw: none (but maybe divorce, adoption, overeating if those are sensitive subjects for you!)

wc: ~4.7k

a/n: helloooo, this is LONG overdue. I’ve just been so busy with work and life and everything that i haven’t had much in me to write. but, i’m excited about writing again so that’s fun. as always, i would love to hear everyone’s thoughts!

____________________________________________________________________

The mini succulent that you strategically placed on the shelf above your desk was the final puzzle piece to completing your new bedroom. Getting settled after a move to an entirely new continent had proved to be quite difficult, naturally. You’d strung posters of your favorite artists and movies across every wall, along with pictures of you with your closest friends, pictures of you and your mom, as well as a number of your favorite of your own paintings from over the years. Your bedroom was slowly but surely starting to feel like home. Pouring your time and effort into this was an amazing distraction from what was soon to come.

“Hey love, I just got off the phone with your new counselor and I printed these things for you. It’s your course schedule and other information just to help get you oriented tomorrow,” your mom, Hazel, yanks what you’d avoiding back to the forefront of your brain.

“Thanks Mom,” you stretch a tightlipped smile.

“Someone’s enthusiastic!” She sits on your bed and motions for you to join her. “Nervous, are we?”

You join her and lay your head on her shoulder, “Yes,” you pause, staring at the floor before you, “What if everyone hates me?” you mutter.

“I don’t think everyone is that stupid, love,” she gently caresses your back.

“I’m being serious!”

“So am I! Hey, you’re going to be great.”

“But, it’s half way through the year. Everyone has their friends already. I’ll just be the weird new kid.”

“Now, you have a point with that weird part. But-”

“Mom!” You deadpan eliciting a hearty laugh from her.

“I’m joking! How could everyone not want to be your friend? You are so kind, and funny, and compassionate,” she lifts your chin to meet her gaze. “I know how lucky I am to have you and anyone else that doesn’t feel that way is simply an idiot.”

“You’re my mom. You’re legally obligated to say that.”

“Yes, but I also mean it!”

“Seriously, I don’t really know what to expect and there’s just going to be so much for me to have to jump into and I’m… scared.”

“And that’s okay. I just want you to try it scared, okay? You are the most adaptable kid I’ve ever met.” You traced the lines of her tattoos on her arm while you leaned into her, seeking comfort. “ You’ll be fine,” she kisses the top of your head and wraps you in a hug.

“But, you don’t know that,” you fling yourself back on your bed, emitting a resounding sigh.

“You’re such a drama queen.”

“I learned from the best of the best.”

“Ha. Ha. Look, I know this is a big move and an even bigger change with starting at a new school but we can do anything as long as we do it together, right?”

You lamely nod. You were extremely excited to be in New York. There was no denying that. Still, it was bittersweet to be here. It was tough to leave all you’ve ever known behind. Your school, your friends, and especially your childhood home. Your earliest memories happened within those 4 walls. Both the good and the bad.

You were adopted by a couple of newlyweds from London when you were five. Oliver and Hazel Mitchell were excited to begin the next chapter in their lives following their marriage, by starting a family and thus, adopting you.

Oliver was a very closed off businessman that spent most of his time in his office or on business trips. He never really paid much attention to your interests. He rarely played with you as a child. He never came to a performance or a game. He was this shadow that paid the bills and gave excuses. After a number of desperate attempts to win his attention, you decided to stop trying, hoping to convince yourself that you were better off without him.

Your mother, on the other hand, was the closest embodiment of God herself. From the day that you met her, you’d realized that she was destined to be your mom. Whatever fantasy you wanted to play out she’d made sure that you were well equipped to live it. She would play the dragon that’d save you, the princess. She’d be the food critic at your playdoh restaurant. You’d be the knight, and she’d be your trusty unicorn. She made your childhood magical. Always a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. She was your very best friend. No one else came close.

As you got older, you’d noticed the bags under Hazel’s eyes grow bigger and darker. Your parents barely looked at each other near the end of their marriage. Now that you were old enough to understand, it didn’t make sense how and why they ever got together in the first place. They weren’t affectionate with one another, they barely conversed, and their paths barely crossed.

Hazel outshined Oliver. She was kind, compassionate, a devoted parent, and she had a successful career as a visual artist. She did it all so effortlessly. She deserved this fresh start just as much as you did, if not more, after everything she’s endured.

___________________________________________________________________

Monday approaches quicker than you had hoped. The shrill of the school bell forces you to realize that this is actually happening. Your heart was fighting to jump through your throat. You wipe your damp palms on your jeans while rushing into your homeroom with your head down. You fling yourself into a chair at the way back of the room. Everyone’s eyes are on you, whether they’re blatantly staring or sneaking glances. Chatter from your classmates bounces off of the walls, hering your ability to think straight. You await the start of class, tapping your fingers on the desk anxiously, hoping and praying that the ground would open up and swallow you whole. Instead, the second bell rings signaling the start of class.

Your homeroom teacher, Ms. Carter, a tall, terrifyingly serious blonde woman, cuts through the noise, “Ok class, take out your note packets that we started yesterday. We’ll continue with our discussion of the Louisiana Purchase.” The entire class groans in unison at their looming fate. You inhale for a sigh of relief, thanking whichever god for allowing you to go unacknowledged. Of course you would never be so lucky. “But,” Ms. Carter speaks at the apex of your deep breath. Your stomach drops. She continues, “Before we get started I want to introduce our new student to everyone.” Almost in unison, everyone turns their bodies toward you. “This is Y/n Mitchell. She just moved here from London and I want all of you to make sure she feels welcomed here at Midtown High okay? Y/n would you like to share a few things about yourself with the rest of us?”

No. I would hate nothing more than that actually. Yet, your mouth moves faster than your brain does, “Uh sure.. Anything specific?”

“Maybe your classmates can ask you a couple of questions about yourself. Class?” Oh. Looks like you and Ms. Carter won’t be getting along.

“What’s your biggest pet peeve?” Some kid asks from across the room.

“Dad jokes, by far.” You hear a couple of snickers from around the room.

“What’s your least favorite fashion trend?” A girl who must’ve thrown up bubble gum pink all over herself this morning asks.

“Easy. Low rise jeans.” The girl vehemently nods her head in agreement.

A number of your other new classmates continue to throw questions around, both completely ridiculous and genuine. “Okay just a few more class,” Ms. Carter attempts to reign it all in.

“Would you rather go to space or the bottom of the ocean,” yet another person jumps in.

“Do you know what lives at the bottom of the ocean?” you retort.

“No,” they shake their head.

“Exactly. So, I’m going to space,” you conclude, in turn making your new classmates laugh.

“Great answer. Ok, what do we think, class? Has Y/n had enough,” Ms. Carter finally puts you out of your misery. There’s a quiet buzz about the room due to the excitement, “Thank you, Y/n. Welcome!” She nods at you giving you a warm smile.

You release the sigh you didn’t realize you were holding as you take your seat again. That wasn’t so bad! They laughed with you. Not at you! Way to go self! Keep it up and maybe you'll make it! But, let’s not jinx it.

Staying awake for the rest of the lecture wasn't necessarily the easiest feat but you succeeded. The bell rings at the end of class and you race out to begin the search for your next one. It’s unclear whether or not it was your eyes panning from side to side, looking for a specific room number or this person just being an absolute idiot but, you collide with a silly looking dark haired boy. His iced coffee splashes all down the front of your sweatshirt, your books go flying out of your hands, and your first day is effectively ruined. Just. like. that.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” you seeth.

“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry. I was distracted. Um,” the dweeb in front of you delves into his backpack, hastily pulling out two flimsy crinkled napkins. “Here you go,” he presents them to you with a triumphant smile on his face. It drops as soon as he sees the rage in your eyes.

“And what exactly do you see me doing with those?” your voice is low.

“Oh wow, you’re scary. Uh, are you new here?”

You huff at the boy as you turn to barrel into the nearest bathroom. You can’t help but gasp at your reflection. There was coffee all down your favorite white hoodie and it splashed down onto your light washed, ripped jeans. You lean over the sink as tears pool in your eyes. You barely slept the night before as your mind reeled of all the things that could’ve gone wrong on your first day. This wasn’t one of them. You were not equipped to deal with this right now.

There’s no saving the hoodie, so your only option is to take it off. You try to make yourself look as presentable as possible again by strategically wrapping your hoodie around your waist, to cover the stains on your pants before racing to your next class.

You scurry into the room once you find it. Without paying much attention you find the first open seat. You’re hauled back to the present moment when you hear, “Hey. Are you okay? I’m really sorry again,” the doofus from the hallway whispers across the aisle.

“Not really,” you mumble.

“I feel absolutely terrible. I really liked your outfit if it means anything,” he says with an attempt at a reassuring smile. You glare at him.

“Um..not in a creepy way or anything. It’s just that I saw you earlier and wanted to introduce myself and tell you that I liked your style… It’s very chill. I just thought I’d tell you now and I-” he reads your expression loud and clear and immediately shuts his mouth. “I’m sorry.” He remains quiet for not long enough before he introduces himself, “I’m Peter, by the way.”

“I don’t care.”

“Fair enough”, he turns back to face the front of the room. He’s antsy in his seat. Peter turns his head again, “I didn’t catch your name.”

“I didn’t throw it.” Class starts as Peter opens his mouth to speak again. You notice that he sneaks you a couple of glances during the period. You respond to a couple of them with harsh glares. Eventually, he stops and slouches down into his seat. Hopefully feeling a sliver of what he’s inflicted on you in the past half hour of knowing him.

_____________________________________________________________________

You reach the end of the day before you know it. Between meeting so many new people, and new coursework, and that idiot Peter. You couldn’t wait to go home, cry, and trap yourself in your room.

As you descend the stairs of your new high school, rushing to make your way home, the devil himself stops you dead in your tracks.

“Uh hey, Y/n,” Peter steps in front of you, shifting from foot to foot.

You analyze his demeanor, “Are you gonna pee your pants or something?”

“What? No!” he forces himself to stand still. “Look, I’m so sorry about running into you earlier. I really want to make it up to you.”

“Let’s both just go home and never see each other again, yeah?” you suggest.

“Well we go to the same high school...” his forehead wrinkles.

“Your point?”

“One, we literally have a class together so that’s impossible. And two, I could apologize and maybe I can be your first friend here.”

You pretend to ponder his proposal, “No thank you,” you conclude as you step around him to begin your commute home.

“I just want to properly apologize.”

“It’s fine.”

“It doesn’t seem fine,” Peter calls after you.

“Oh no?” you sarcastically jeer. You leave him where he stands, finally earning some peace and quiet. The short lived silence ends as Peter races to catch up with you.

“Can I at least buy you a donut?”

“No, thank you.”

“Come on, I feel bad.”

“That sounds like a you problem, Peter.” The two of you walk together in silence down the block as Peter brainstorms how to win you over. “Why exactly are you still here?”

“Because I feel like if I didn’t spill my coffee on you, we could maybe get along. Call it a hunch.”

“I’m not so sure about that.”

“You never know unless you try,” he pleads with big, kind?, brown eyes.

You stop dead in your tracks, “You’re not going to drop this, are you?”

“No.”

“One donut and then you’ll leave me alone. Deal?”

“Deal,” Peter looks around during a very awkward silence. “So, how ya liking Midtown so far?”

You chuckle humorlessly, “I don’t know. You didn’t really help make a great first impression. Is this what all people from Queens are like?”

“I like to think I’m one of a kind.”

“That’s fantastic news for me then.”

Peter laughs and shakes his head at your stubbornness, ‘You’re funny.”

“And you’re…. persistent,” you sneer.

“Thank you.”

“Yup,” you pop the ‘p’ at the end of the word.

You don’t walk too long before you arrive at a donut shop. The smell of fried dough and coffee envelopes you as you enter, boosting your mood just enough to not rip Peter’s head off.

“Pick your poison,” Peter gestures for you to order first.

“Can I get a double chocolate with sprinkles,” you politely smile at the person behind the counter.

“And I’ll just have a plain glazed,” Peter concludes the order and pays for the both of you.

“Interesting,” you hum.

“What?”

“Nothing… that’s just a little, you know… boring,” you shrug.

“It’s not boring. It’s classic,” he argues.

“Mm that’s what they all say.”

“You’re very judgemental, you know that?”

“Yes,” you beam at Peter for the first time.

“Oh you smile?”

“From time to time. You just haven’t given me a single reason to,” you force Peter to huff as the two of you grab your donuts and find a seat near the window. Giving Peter hell had proven to be massively entertaining since getting under his skin took absolutely no effort.

You sink your teeth into the pastry and hum at the deliciousness.

“So, Y/n what’s your story?”

“My story?”

“Yeah, you’re new. Who are you?”

“You first. Ya know, stranger danger.”

Peter smiles at the comment, “Fair point. Well, I’m Peter-” He’s interrupted by you snorting at his introduction. “What?”

“I know your name, you idiot.”

“Hey, I’m telling you my story and that’s part of it! Now, no more interrupting, please and thank you.” You put your hands up in mock surrender, letting him continue.

“I’m Peter,” you giggle, but don’t interrupt. “I’m 15. I love math and science. I do photography in my free time. I love pizza and donuts. Not together,” he clarifies. “Umm.. I’m really close with my Aunt May who I live with… and I make a great friend.”

“Aw cute,” you half-heartedly comment.

“I’m not cute. And it’s your turn,” he passes the baton.

“Fine. You know my name. I grew up in London.I was adopted when I was 5. I hate math and science. I’m a pretty good painter. I actually learned from my mom. I love watching really sad movies and crying. It’s very cathartic. I hate eggs. I broke my foot once while riding an imaginary horse. My least favorite word is cohort. My parents just got a divorce. Ummm…. What else do you want to know?”

“Sorry to hear about your parent’s getting a divorce.”

“Don’t be. It needed to happen,” you shrug, breaking eye contact.

“That doesn’t necessarily make it easy on you.”

“Don’t get so sappy on me, Parker,” you push to change the subject.

Peter smiles at your bluntness, “I like you,” he blurts out. You smirk and raise an eyebrow. “Oh! Not like that! I- I just mean like- I like you like a friend.. Not like like. Like more than platonically or anything. I- um.. Oh gosh..” his face floods a deep shade of red.

“Stop saying like, please,” you chuckle at his rambling. “Plus, you just met me! How can you like me already?”

“I don’t know. I think you’re funny and you’re kinda cool. In a way.”

You chuckle, “In a way. I’ll take that, I guess.”

“I’m glad-” he’s interrupted by a ding from his cell phone. He fishes it out of his pocket and sighs at the message.

“What’s up?”

“Uh, my godfather invited me to dinner.”

“That’s nice.”

“I mean it’d be nice to see him but its always his friends and they’re just all adults. They’re all like rich business people. He says he’s trying to “teach me the ins and outs of the biz”. The conversation’s always about stocks and bonds and NXTs or whatever and I can’t keep up or honestly… care,” he takes another bite of his donut. You watch the lightbulb in his head go off, “You should come!” He says with his mouth full.

“You just explained exactly why I shouldn’t.”

“Come on! It’d be fun! Will you come with me or not?”

“Have you ever been taught not to go to strangers' houses?”

“Well, we’re not strangers anymore, so you’ll know at least one person there…You’ll see a little more of Queens.” Peter attempts to reason, making you almost cackle.

“You’re a terrible negotiator, Peter Parker.”

“Please?”

“What’s in it for me?” This makes Peter smirk at you.

“Well, they have this really fancy private chef-”

“I'm in,” you interject, sitting straight up.

Peter giggles at your sudden movement,“I think that you and I will make great friends, Y/n. I really do.” The smirk on your face was not of your own doing. This was all a pleasant surprise. Granted, Peter wouldn’t have been your first pick by a long shot but, here we are. “Good to see you’re not entirely this tough guy act.”

“Trust me. It’s not an act.”

“Sure it isn’t. I’ll tell you what. The first perk of being my friend, besides a great dinner tonight, I’ll help you navigate what not to eat in the cafeteria. I saw you eyeing the mystery meat today.”

“You know, maybe we will make good friends,” you shiver. Your first day was memorable. Not necessarily good, not necessarily bad. But, you’ve never met anyone quite like Peter and knowing him would obviously be interesting. Maybe moving here and living a normal life wasn’t as far-fetched as it had seemed.

_____________________________________________________________________

“Thanks for coming to this with me, Y/n. Whenever my godfather invites me to these things, it’s always old people. So, it’s nice to finally have someone my age here,” Peter says as you two approach a house that clearly cost a fortune.

“I hope you know you have me speaking to you again riding on this,” you reply. Peter nods in understanding and rings the doorbell. The two of you rest in silence as the grand door is pulled open and the sound of boisterous conversation billows from within the house.

“Peter!” an exuberant man with a unique goatee pulls Peter into a bear hug. “Long time no see kid. I thought you forgot about little old me.”

“How could I, Uncle Tony? Um, this is Y/n, my friend from school that I told you about,” Peter regains his breath and fixes his clothes.

“Ah, Y/n. I’ve heard great things. Come on in,” Tony waves you both into the house. Your side eye bores into Peter.

“What?” he squirms under your gaze.

“What could you possibly have told him about me?”

“Nothing too bad, I promise.”

You continue to move through the house, sneaking glances at the expensive paintings that decorated the walls and the ornate furniture that dressed the house. Everything clearly cost more money than anything you can remember ever seeing. Tony leads you and Peter through the house to the dining room where the party was. A number of people were standing around in smaller groups, some were sitting at the table chatting, all with drinks in their hands. You quickly learn that Tony is one to make a scene when he halts everyone’s conversations to introduce you to the group. Dear God.

“Listen up people, I just wanted to introduce you all to Peter’s new friend, Y/n. She’ll be joining us for dinner so be nice.”

“Don’t you think you should take your own advice Tony?” a very warm, red headed woman jokes. The group laughs causing you to shyly smile. The woman diverts her attention to you. “Nice to meet you, Y/n. I’m Wanda.” The rest of the group share their names with sprinkles of nice to meet you’s.

“It’s nice to meet you all too. Thank you for having me,” you share a small smile with the group. Peter leads you to your seats at the table. You two quickly get caught up in conversation, learning more about each other. Another red headed woman makes her presence known by giving Peter’s shoulder a soft squeeze as she makes her way to her seat next to Wanda, adjacent to you and Peter.

“Hey Peter, it’s been a while,” she glances in your direction and her eyes linger on you for just a touch too long.

“Hey Natasha, how are you?” Peter greets her.

“Good!” She fully directs her attention to you and extends her hand for you to shake, “Hi, your name is?”

“Y/n,” you sheepishly introduce yourself. Her grasp on your hands is extremely firm. Typical extremely intimidating business woman. She has a fiery look in her eye with her chin held high. Clearly someone whose good side you’d want to stay on.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you Y/n,” she emphasizes your name. “I take it you two go to school together?”

“Yes. I just started at Midtown this week.”

“Oh nice. It’s a great school, I hear. Are you enjoying it so far?”

“Kind of a hectic first day. But there were some good things in there. I guess bumping into Peter worked out,” you tease.

“Literally,” Peter interjects with a rosy tint to his cheeks.

Natasha emits a low raspy chuckle, “That’s good to hear. You from the city originally?”

“Yes and no.” The women sitting next to you both furrow their brows and tilt their heads, encouraging you to elaborate. “I was actually born here but I moved to London at some point. I was adopted and grew up there.” Natasha slowly nods her head, blatantly trying to read you at this point. You slightly readjust in your seat under her inquisitive gaze.

“Wow, that’s a really big move for your family,” Wanda chimes in.

“Yeah it absolutely is but, my mom and I wanted a fresh start after my parents split so we made it happen,” you shrug.

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that happened. I know that can be a very difficult transition,” Natasha comments.

“No, it’s okay really. It’s nice to be in a new environment.”

“I could imagine. Well, welcome back to New York.” Natasha nods in your direction and you thank her. There’s just no way, Natasha thinks.

You, Wanda, and Peter continue your conversation. Other sitting near you at the table occasionally contribute to the discussion.

“Nat, where’d you go sweetheart?” Wanda lays her arm over her wife’s shoulders and speaks in a volume for only Natasha’s ears, pulling her from her thoughts. She meets her wife’s green gaze and grabs on to the hand wrapped around her own shoulder.

“Nowhere. I’m good, love,” she pats Wanda's hand in a miserable attempt to reassure her.

“You sure?” Wanda tries again.

She nods her head and chances another glance at you, seeing you in an animated conversation with Peter. She is so beautiful, she marvels. She adjusts herself in her seat as she feels her body temperature starting to rise.

“You know I know you like the back of my hand right?” Wanda mumbles noticing her wife’s restlessness.

“I’m fine, Wands,” Natasha claims with finality

Wanda refuses to end the conversation, “But, I know you’re not.”

“Wanda please,” Natasha huffs.

“Okay. I’ll be here when you want to talk about it.”

“Thank you,” Natasha lighty shakes her head, in a poor attempt at clearing her thoughts. Maybe I’m being ridiculous, she scolds herself.

Dinner starts shortly after. There were countless courses of foods you’d never tried before. There’s usually room for dessert but eating more will likely make you sick. Surprisingly, this dinner was fun. Everyone was extremely hospitable and generous. The business talk was less than ideal but, at least you and Peter had each other to lean on.

“Who’s got room for dessert,” Tony scans the table, everyone collectively groans. “Great, so everyone,” he concludes. “I believe Bananas Foster is on the menu.”

“Oh, I’ll have to pass unfortunately. I’m allergic to bananas actually,” you sigh in relief at sneaking out of eating more.

“Cheater,” Peter mumbles under his breath, earning a sly smile from you.

“We can get you something else, Y/n?” Tony interjects.

“No, thank you. I’ve eaten more than enough.”

“You sure?”

“Positive!” the other dinner guests chuckle at your enthusiastic response.

You turn back to Peter as he continues teasing you. You miss Natasha’s pensive demeanor. She’d been paying very close attention to you for nearly the entire evening. A banana allergy has to be a coincidence, right? She’s captured by her own thoughts.

“Nat, what is it, love?” Wanda is flat out worried at this point.

Natasha huffs and rises from her seat, wiping a thin layer of sweat from her forehead before making a beeline toward the bathroom at the end of the long hallway. The rest of the group share curious glances, being unsure about what they may have missed.

Almost as soon as Natasha bursts into the first floor bathroom, she slams the door shut, leaning up against it. She struggles to inhale. Adrenaline rushes through her veins as she turns to the sink to splash cold water in her face. She meets her own dilated pupils in the mirror.

“There’s just no fucking way,” she breathes. Natasha’s mind races but she couldn’t catch up with any of her thoughts. She grabs her wallet out of her pocket and shakily searches through the folds. She quickly finds a small, dingy crinkled photo that was folded in half. She opens it to reveal your big, shiny eyes and bright smile, missing a single front tooth. You haven’t changed a bit. Tears flood the woman’s emerald eyes. It was unclear if there was an actual knock at the bathroom door or if Natasha was hallucinating at this point. How did you find your way back to her? The sound of blood rushing in her ears and her eyes being tightly shut did not allow Natasha to hear Wanda entering the bathroom. She nearly jumps out of her skin as her wife’s hand reaches out to grab her attention.

Wanda notices the image locked in Natasha’s hand and gasps, instantly realizing the resemblance.

“Doesn’t she remember me?” Natasha forces through her tears and shallow breaths.

#mama nat #natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff fanfiction #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff angst #natasha romanoff x daughter!reader #mob!nat #wanda maximoff #wandanat

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russosafehaven · 1 year

Text

You’re Own Your Own, Kid

Song - You’re On Your Own, Kid

Pairing: Billy Russo x GN!Reader, Cade x Peter

Content: Hades!Billy, Persephone!Reader, Melinöe!Cade, Trans Daughter Cade, Billy’s a girl dad all the way, Teen angst, Clio!Peter, Melpomene!MJ, Thalia!Ned, Auntie Dinah <3, Ares!Frank, Teen pining, Unhealthy parent child relationship due to mental health, Reader is call ma but is gender neutral beyond that, misgendering (Billy and R don’t know, it’s not in negative light)

POV: Cade’s and Billy’s

Part two to Maroon

BR Taglist: @snowkestrel @judig92

Summer went away

Still, the yearning stays

I play it cool with the best of them

I wait patiently

He’s gonna notice me

It’s okay, we’re the best of friends

Anyway

He was beautiful in the sun. The way Helios lit up his soft caramel curls and the way his eyes looked like tigers eye. I wanted him more than anything yet I couldn’t have him. Peter was my friend and would forever remain as such. His love for history and science, how passionate he was when discussing his enamour for the subject. I’d love to have him yet I could never. I was born in the wrong body, tall and lanky. Flat chest, the wrong parts and a sharp jaw. My parents don’t know, my dad would never understand and neither would ma. They both had it so easy and they still do. Hades has all they money he could ever need, he runs an empire and Persephone is the perfect trophy. Proof that beyond his hellfire exterior he is capable of love. I’ve tried to talk to Aunt Maria about it but I got scared, Uncle Frank couldn’t understand either and my cousins are never around anymore. They’re nearly a decade older anyways so what’s the point?

MJ is drawling on about some unsolved murder case while my eyes remain glued on Peter. The stray locks falling into his eyes, the colour of the flannel underneath his hoodie. If I didn’t know Aphrodite I’d think I was looking at him. No Peter is not Aphrodite but rather Clio, one of the nine muses. His friend Ned is Thalia and MJ Melpomene. You’d think they were all friends but Ned and Peter rarely spoke to MJ. She’s my friend and I’ve learnt that she’s all I need. When I look at her I know she understands my sorrow, the tragedy that I feel whenever I gaze into a mirror.

“You’re gawking at Peter again aren’t you? Cadie just go and talk to him, he’s not eye candy yknow?”

My eyes darted to MJ as she spoke and my face heated up. Ever since my dads incident she’s felt like the only person I could talk to. Things have been shared that I’d never dare share with anyone, not even my twin Renata. MJ has become my only confidante and my biggest supporter. It’s depressing in a way, that I’d rather open to a muse opposed to my family. However that’s life, the dreadful mortal life I’ve been thrust into.

I hear it in your voice

You’re smoking with your boys

I touch my phone as if it’s your face

I didn’t choose this town

I dream of getting out

There’s just one who could make me stay

All my days

Anvil was a mess, it has been ever since the break-in. Rawlin’s had once again tried to assassinate Frank and I, it was getting worse. Neither of us knew what to do, the only hope I had was Persephone but they were busy with Renata and Cade’s homecoming. Times like this I wanted my spouse besides me, I wanted to hear Y/N tell me it would all be okay, feel their breath against my neck while they comforted me.

“Bill, Y/N just called. Something ‘bout Cade getting suspended”

I let out a small ‘Shit’ and launch out of my chair. Pushing past Frank I beeline for the elevator, David steps out greeting me but I don’t stop. Not when my son’s in trouble. My phone starts to ring and I pick up immediately, flagging down my car and getting out as fast as I can.

“Hey baby,”

Times like these I hate working so far from Midtown Tech. Although it’s rare for either of the twins to get in trouble. Renata is, in her brothers words, the it girl and Cade is a model student. Always studying.

“I’m on my way to the high-school now. Frankie let me know you called”

From their breathing I can tell they’re uncomfortable. Everything in me wants to pull them through the phone and hold them. They don’t deserve this, my heart aches for them and I hate it.

“I don’t know why Cade’s acting like this Billy. I’m freaking out, is this why he hasn’t been talking to us? I just assumed it was typical teenage hormones. We’ve all been there, but now he’s getting into fights?! God just get here as soon as you can”

Y/N hangs up and I step on the pedal, trying to get there faster while not breaking any law. No need to add another stressor to their list. As I finally make my way through traffic and find an available parking space I dart out. Striding towards the school as fast as I can. When I get in tears are staining Y/N’s cheeks and Cade has his bag at his side.

From sprinkler splashes to fireplace ashes

I waited ages to see you there

I search the parties for better bodies

Just to learn that you never cared

My dad walks in the building, face neutral but the twitch in his eye brow when he sees the state of ma indicates anger. He’s always let himself go when it comes to them, it’s a sick and twisted relationship. He’ll punch anyone who hurts them and they’ll both get off on the violence. The whimpers and cries can sometimes be heard through the walls in the apartment.

“Hey baby, come here. We’re gonna speak to the principal and sort this out. As for you, you’re gonna want to talk about what the hell happened here? You going ‘round punching people now? ‘Cause that shit ain’t okay”

Billy’s was seething and I could see it in the way he held himself. Everything mattered when it came to his reputation. Not me, I’m just a fucking award to them. It’s all everyone says so it has to be true. They never wanted kids, either of them. Aunt Maria, Uncle Frank, Lisa and Junior, even Uncle Curt have all said it. Renata can’t see it but I’ve heard what they say, we’re just pawns in their game of house.

“I was defending myself”

I grumbled out, not like he’d care. As soon as something happens it’s always my fault. A harsh rule taught from a young age. The world we live in is a horror show and I hate it.

“There’s better ways to solve things than violence honey”

Y/N’s voice was softer than Billy’s. It makes you wonder how a hard-ass like him ended up with them. They’re the complete opposite of each other. Ones all soft and round while the others harsh with sharp edges. A square and a circle don’t fit with each other yet they make it work.

“Flash attacked first ma!”

I couldn’t think, anger was the only thing on my mind. I didn’t know exactly why I was mad, maybe because I got called a slur again, maybe because I can’t talk to my parents or maybe it’s because I should be dead. We all have ghosts but not all of us are the ghosts.

You’re on your own kid

You always have been

After we managed to talk the principal down from an expulsion to just a two week suspension we all headed home. Picking Renata up early by Y/N’s suggestion. The car was filled with tension and anyone could feel it.

“Baby we need to talk eventually, we’re both here to listen”

They were so gentle when dealing with our kids. Even though 15 years ago they put them through excruciating agony. I wanted to be them more than anything. Envious, that’s what I was. Of the way they could nurture them even when they didn’t want it, they could do anything and I was so fucking jealous.

“You wouldn’t get it, no one does. I’ve been feeling this way for months and the only person that sees it is MJ”

A sigh escaped my lips, we were stuck in traffic and everyone was on edge. Seph looked at me, the tears on their cheeks were dry but their eyes were still glassy.

“Let me tell you a story Cade,”

They placed a hand on my thigh, rubbing it gently to remind me they were there.

“I have two sisters that are younger than me. Two of us were adopted, one of us wasn’t. I’ve no doubt you’ve heard of my sisters, Trish Walker and Jessica Jones. Better known as Calliope and Dionysus. Trish’s mother, Dorothy or Mnemosyne, adopted Jess and I as a publicity stunt. Jessica was in a car crash when she was around 12, her entire family died and she was meant to as well,”

A tap on the thigh.

“However Jessica was a reincarnation of a long standing deity. She could hold a lot more than a mortal body could. When she discovered her abilities at the Walker’s apartment, she swore Trish to secrecy. That was until she punched Dorothy into a wall when she was hurting Trish. Understandably so, Trish was mad. Anyone would be, the way we’re raised is to be quiet about abuse. So to this day Trish has never told anyone what she’s been through. No one but Jessica, myself and Billy. Now you and your sister know. When I turned 18 I went to college to study law, that’s right, I’m a lawyer. I studied at Columbia alongside your Uncle Matt and Uncle Foggy. Matt had a girlfriend in college, Elektra. She had a rough childhood that led her to not understand love. It’s true Elektra loved Matt wholeheartedly, I’ve seen it and it’s love as if they were blessed by Aphrodite. However because Elektra wasn’t raised to be open, to show affection she showed it in odd ways. So instead of flowers she got Matt the chance to kill the man who helped kill his father. It was when Matt realised Elektra wasn’t good for him, that she needed help beyond his own abilities,”

A small pinch to my stomach.

“My point is we’ve all been through a lot. You and your sister may be my kids but I will never know everything about you, not unless you let me in”

I see the great escape

So long, Daisy May

I picked the petals, he loves me not

Something different bloomed

Writing in my room

I play my songs in the parking lot

I’ll run away

When we got into the building and up to the penthouse I spared no expense racing to my room. I couldn’t handle being around them right now. They were meant to be mad, they were meant to hate me and throw me out.

What feels like hours pass until I hear a knock at my door. When I don’t answer it opens and my dad walks in. He’s changed out of his suit into sweatpants and one of my ma’s shirts. At this rate they just share a closet, it’s sickening. He walks over to my bed and sits down, the weight causing me to dip down.

“I’m not good at the emotions shit like your ma. So I’m gonna cut to the chase. I could give less of a shit whether you punched that kid or not, sure I don’t want you to be violent but I’d be a hypocrite if I said it was wrong. As a kid I wasn’t great, I was an asshole. Made life hell at the group home, foster families passed me ‘round but I’d end up at the home anyway. When I aged out and became a Marine, met your Uncle Frankie? I felt like I belonged. The violence… shit I craved it. I made lieutenant, I was a soldier and a damn good one. I uh… worked for this illegal operation, Cerberus. The guy was CIA and when you’re shipped out you don’t think about if what you’re doing is right or not. When I found out about the drugs Frankie and I both got out. We started Anvil, gave other military folk a way back to society after they come back. The CIA guy? Well he was pissed, he went quiet for a few years thanks to your Aunt Dinah who had gotten enough proof to make him go under. That was when you were four Cade. That shit I did? It ain’t ever gonna go away and I don’t want that path for you. I never wanted kids, didn’t wanna be like my ma who walked out on me. Wanted drugs more than me. When Y/N told me they were pregnant I was over the moon, I didn’t know why but when I held you and your sister in my arms I realised why. I got the family I always wanted. Which is why I’ve been away so much, you, Renata and your ma are the most important things in the world to me. Rawlins is back and I’d rather die than let him hurt you. The accident was a car one, it was an explosion I got caught in”

Foster home? No that wasn’t right. Billy was unimaginably rich, he was meant to have lived a good life as a kid. Was that a lie I had built up in my head? Fuck I’m a horrible person.

From sprinkler splashes to fireplace ashes

I called a taxi to take me there

I search a party in better bodies

Just to find that my dreams aren’t rare

It’s the night of homecoming and Y/N is styling Ren’s hair while I watch. Cade is off in his room with MJ who had come by earlier so they could get ready together.

“My baby’s all grown up, ugh how I wish I had a homecoming”

At that I see Renata’s ears perk up. I’d only just told her I grew up in foster care after I told her brother a month ago. It made me realise just how little the kids truly know about our pasts.

“What do you mean?”

A small chuckle escapes their lips and they pull back the wild curls from Renata’s head. I watch as the press a small kiss to her forehead, nuzzling in like a cat to their kitten.

“I was adopted when I was 12. Homeschooled ever since. I didn’t get your high-school experience which is why it was so important to me and your pa that you two got the best money could buy. Billy and I grew up pretty poor, even when Dorothy adopted me I didn’t have access to that money. Jess and I were publicity stunts, not children”

A small frown crosses Ren’s lips and she turns around to hug Y/N. I snap a quick picture of the two, setting a mental note to make it my wallpaper. Fifty years ago I thought I was gonna join the marines and die, now I’m here with a lovely spouse, two gorgeous kids, two brothers and the best family I could have ever asked for. I’ll protect them until I die.

“Hey ma, could you… come here…?”

Cade’s voice calls from his room. They tag me into Ren’s hair and walk off to help him. As I get to the chair she’s sitting in I pick up the brush. One thing I’ve never let any of my men know is that I can do my daughters hair. As I run the bristles through her hair I pull it into a ponytail, just like Maria taught me. Leaving a chunk out I tie the majority of it into a bun. Pinning it securely while making sure it didn’t hurt her. With the left over chunk I tie it into a loose plait and use it to cover the base of the bun. When I look in the mirror to admire the work Ren turns around, hugging me tightly and thanking me. Small clacks of heels can be heard and I turn around to see Cade in a deep purple dress with matching heels, ones I brought for Y/N.

“Billy, Cade has something to tell us”

There’s some tears in his eyes and I walk over to the couch, sitting down and beckoning him to join.

“Dad-“

He chokes out, sobbing lightly. I look up to Y/N and they nod, MJ by their side giving me a thumbs up accompanied with a death stair.

“I know�� that I was born a boy but… I- I don’t think I am”

I raise an eye brow in confusion, waiting to see if my hunch is correct. This wasn’t my area of expertise.

“I’m trans.. I’m- I’m a girl”

He- She’s still crying and on instinct I pull her into my chest. Holding her closely and rubbing her hair, the same way Y/N always comforted me.

“Baby girl I’m so proud of you for telling me that”

She pulls apart from me, looking up with a sad smile. I hate that she looks shocked and I can’t help but blame myself for it. It wasn’t always made clear that I wouldn’t have had a problem with it. I should’ve been more open but even fifteen years of practice can’t undo thirty six years of the way I’ve lived.

“You.. you called me baby girl..?”

I let out a small chuckle and presses my lips to her forehead.

“Yup, because that’s what you just told me isn’t it? That you’re my baby girl? So that means tomorrow we’re going out and buying you whatever you need, we’ll get you on hormones and whatever else you want. But for now we need you up and at ‘em because you’re going to homecoming”

She let out a loud laugh and I kissed her cheek. I stood up and pulled her with me, rounding up the three strays in the apartment. Together we all headed down to the parking garage, climbing in my Wraith so I could take them to the school. Traffic was lighter for once and we made it to the school in record time.

You’re on your own kid

You always have been

I was at the punch bowl with MJ and Peter walked up to us. My face couldn’t stop itself from heating up as I look at him. He looks gorgeous in that suit.

“Hey Cade, awesome dress man”

Ned calls out, grabbing a glass of punch. I stiffen up and Peter noticed.

“Are you not a boy..? Oh my god you’re trans aren’t you?”

He whispered the last part and I nodded. It was weird to be able to come out without being scared my parents would find out.

“That explains your dad’s facebook post…”

Ned muttered and I raised an eyebrow at him. He pulls out his phone and opens to Billy’s account. The post reads:

“Today marks the day my son died. May he rest in peace forever and always. I’m glad she was able to tell me the truth. Cade will always be my beautiful girl”

I felt my eyes involuntarily roll and Peter burst out laughing. A few people gave us weird looks but in the moment I didn’t mind. My dad accepted me, I was talking to Peter and MJ was here.

“For an ex-marine and a CEO your dad still acts like a dad,”

Peter comments and I smile at him. It feels right.

“I’m glad I’m not the only trans person in school now. Wait is that why you punched Flash? Oh my god you’re awesome Cade!”

He’s cute when he rambles. I’m smiling like a foolish school girl in love. In my peripheral I can see Ned and MJ chatting. Peter goes to open his mouth again and before he can bullets ring out. One pierces my stomach, I fall to the ground and collapse instantly. Trying to stand up I’m kicked down again. As I turn around to see who it’s a bald man with one eye a milky white. I scramble to my feet and try to run.

From sprinkler splashes to fireplace ashes

I gave my blood, sweat and tears for this

I hosted parties and starved my body

Like I’d be saved by a perfect kiss

My feet are carrying themselves to the bleachers, where my bag was. I had brought it just in case I ended up sitting in the corner all night, ripping it open I pull out a KA-BAR. Something my dad made me carry in case of danger. Pulling it from its case I launch it into the man before he grabs me.

“THE FIRE ALARM, SOMEONE PULL THE FIRE ALARM”

I call out wildly, if it’s pulled authorities will come and then it’ll be safe. Students are cowering under the bleachers and trying to avoid the rain of bullets. The man I’ve stabbed had a gun on him and I take it from the holster. Taking the safety off I run back down the bleachers, aiming it at one of the men who’s attacking Betty. Pulling the trigger I watch as it rips into him. I don’t hesitate to pull it again when he doesn’t stop. From behind me someone grabs me and I force the KA-BAR into their thigh, twisting it as I pull it back around.

Soon enough the fire department are here and I’m sitting in an ambulance with a shock blanket wrapped around me. Peter’s sitting with me talking about some scientist in order to distract me.

Flash is walking up to us and I feel nauseous. He’s the last face I wanted to see tonight.

“The fuck was that Cade? You some secret vigilante”

Before Peter or I can respond my dad shows up. Scaring Flash off without a word. I smile, knowing he’s there now.

The jokes weren’t funny I took the money

My friends from home don’t know what to say

I looked around in a blood-soaked gown

And I saw something they can’t take away

Her dress is covered in a deep crimson as is her body and I can’t help but know some of it is hers. Without second thought I pull her towards me and press a bunch of kisses to her forehead. I hate that I let Rawlin’s get to her.

“Where’s ma?”

I chuckle lightly. Even after she’s been attacked she’s always looking out for others. I kneel down and place my hands on her legs. Holding her as if she’s going to disappear.

“They’ve gone to find Ren, none of that baby. What happened to you?”

She smiled at me, the beautiful trademark Cade smile. Frankie used to say that she got it off of me and the mischievous twinkle in her eyes confirms it.

“I heard the bullets and I was attacked by a guy with a milky eye. So I run to get my KA-BAR and stab him before he can attack me again. Then I take his gun and shoot down a guy attacking one of my classmates. I was so scared daddy”

She falls onto my shoulder and a hand comes up to her hair. Brushing the dark locks with my fingers. When I heard there was an attack at the high-school I was terrified. Pulling our attention away Madani taps me on the shoulder.

“Thought you might wanna know that Rawlin’s is going away for life, no parole”

She smirks at me and I hug her. Back when she first tried to get Rawlin’s he had almost killed the Castle’s instead. Then the Liebermans. Thankfully no families died but he got away. It killed Madani because she knew the dangers and felt guilty.

“Aunt Dinah? Why are you here?”

Dinah pokes around behind me, saying hi to her new niece. The two have a conversation and Y/N joins me, Ren by their side. It’s been one hell of a night but they’re safe now. That’s all that matters.

‘Cause there were pages turned with the bridges burned

Everything you lose is a step you take

So make the friendship bracelets

Take the moment and taste it

You’ve got no reason to be afraid

I’m running through the halls of Anvil with Peter. It’s empty due to it being a public holiday but my dad had work so I invited Peter to join me. Since homecoming we’d started dating, I’d gotten on hormones and I’d even grown my hair out. Long enough that it flew behind me when I passed him.

“Be careful you two, if either if you get hurt May and Y/N are gonna kill me”

I hear my dad call out and I can’t help but catch a glimpse of his wrist as I run past his office. A green and black bracelet sits around his wrist, one Peter made for him. After he and I started dating they’d been made for our entire friend group, grey and purple for MJ, yellow and orange for Ned, pink and white for me, then red and blue for himself. He’d even made some for May, Billy, Y/N and Ren. A aqua and orange one for May, green and black for Billy, maroon and red for Y/N and purple and blue for Ren. Since dad had gotten his he’d tied it on and never taken it off.

Peter crashed into me from behind and we rolled through the floor. We both burst out laughing and he crawled up to my face, kissing me passionately. These last few months have been hell but maybe Im not alone anymore… maybe I don’t have to be. If they’ve taught me anything it’s that we all have ghosts. We either live with them or we ignore them, suffering the consequences. Ghosts aren’t bad, they may not be good either but it’s better to face it. Before anyone gets hurt.

You’re on your own kid

You always have been

You’re on your own kid

Yeah you can face this

#billy russo #billy russo imagine #billy russo x reader #the punisher imagine #billy russo fluff #ben barnes #the punisher #x reader #billy russo angst #frank castle

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professionallydeadinside · 1 year

Note

Oh and that bill was super sketch because i was the only person my grade who knew about it. That could also be that im the only one who watches and pays attention to the news, but it’s scary to imagine that if I hadn’t had an amazing band director who pulled me aside to warn me that next school year he’ll be legally required to tell the admins that I asked him to call me silas I wouldn’t have known when the bill took effect or for what grades, because this bill qualifies for all students, from the moment you enter a school building as a student to the day you graduate, and doesn’t seem to care whether or not you’re over the age of eighteen, and if I hadn’t known when it’d take effect and that my grade is impacted, I couldn’t have warned my friends who are also trans that this is happening. There are people i know who’s lives are going to be so fucking hurt with this. I have friends who try to take their own lives all the time and get admitted to so many hospitals because their parents treat them like such dirt because of how they identify, and that’s when they have marginal control over these things.

This doesn’t get talked about because no one ever talks about us, this state, what we’re doing. It’s always the big ones, with the insane riots, the police getting defunded, it’s always the big cities and states that get shown, meanwhile forgotten states like mine can quietly take our lives into their own hands and call it kindness. I’m lucky. I know that even under the worst reaction, I won’t be kicked out. I won’t be beaten. I won’t go through horrible abuse for this. At worst, I know, that it’ll get ignored in my home. I’m lucky I’m not afraid of this bill, because I know that my family wouldn’t do those things. I’m lucky because I think they already suspect something like that. I’m lucky because this law isn’t dangerous for me. But for others I know? This law is sending them to the gallows. And no one knows about it.

The worst part, I think, is people defending it, saying they can understand it. That amazing band director? I love him, but he said he was somewhat glad. Because he would want to know if his children felt that way and were hiding it because they didn’t trust him. And that’s a fine sentiment for him because he’d never hurt his children, he’d never hate them for that. He really is someone who would have much more pain and upset over the fact his children didn’t trust him with that part of them. But that’s being blind to every other parent. For every amazing band director who loves his kids, there’s a bastard who will hurt his children for that, there’s a whore who will drive her children away for that, there’s a cuntbag who will drive their children to death over this.

Nothing is private. Nothing has ever been private unless you kept it only in your head, never uttered it aloud, never wrote it, never did anything with it except keep it in your mind. But this? Depriving people of a safe space? Forcing adults who were comforting figured, who were safe spaces in and of themselves, who were towers of safety and comfort and love regardless of who you were, forcing people like my band director into this position? Where in order to keep their jobs, their homes, their families, they have to take a chance and possibly kill a student of theirs? How can we ask that of them? This was never about the children, so let’s not pretend like my previous points would ever matter to governor Eric Holcomb. It was never about the kids, so lets make it about the adults. How they have to live with the fact that if a child dies by their own hand, and leaves a note saying that their parents not loving them did that, that the pain they endured by being outed drove them to that horrible act, that person, that pillar of safety and comfort, did that? How can Eric Holcomb live with that?

Am I using a worst case scenario? Yes. Because I know people where that’s a very possible future. I have a friend who took too many sleeping pills just the other day. I have friends where this could kill them. This is important. This is meaningful. You want a fight that means something? Something that matters? Something that you can do? Fight this law. Fight it in Indiana, fight it in whatever state it comes to next. Go to council meetings, speak in front of city buildings, make them hear you, make them hear what their ignorance will cause because they won’t care until a dead child is laid at their doorstep.

I have nothing to add but this is a good thing to read

#i feel bad when i can't add things to asks but i still want to post them wasdfghgfd #answered

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adhdmommanl · 1 year

Text

Do you ever feel like you are just going through life in a robotic manner? Like you have no purpose other than to feed your child or pet, make sure their needs are met, go to work, pay bills, sleep and repeat?

I’m stuck. I feel lost. I feel lost in a world full of trying to figure out how to stay sober and not use drugs. I am struggling to not feel sad all the time. I am struggling to want to get off my ass and go to the gym even though I am disgusted by my body. I am struggling to feel like I have worth, that i add value to anyone’s day. That I leave a mark on anyone’s world. I am struggling to love myself. I am struggling to not be overstimulated at all times and agitated by the tiniest of things.

I am desperate for some type of connection, some type of spark. Some type of something to ignite the flame that’s inside of me deep deep deep DEEP down, smouldering away and is likely just small flickers of heat.. there’s hope, but it’s barely there.

How the fuck do I escape this? How do I help myself? I got a diagnosis. I am taking my medications as prescribed. I am going to work, although not showing up at 100% performance, I show up. I try to show up with a smile on my face, with a positive attitude, with a welcoming aura… but it’s just not enough. My daughter is happy, I believe. She is so smart and loves helping. She has fantastic manners, she is flourishing.

So why do I feel like I am never enough, in any area of my life. With work, theres never enough drive for me to dig in and get customers in front of me so I can be a top performer, so there’s never enough money. So the bills pile up, the groceries go un bought, clothes gets worn out well past it’s due date, gym memberships go unused because the anxiety I get from working all day and barely surviving let alone having anything to show for it, becomes crippling.

There’s never enough time for my to take care of myself. Which in turn, makes me miserable. Which makes me continue to hate myself and to feel like I’m spiralling out of control.

My relationship is toxic at times, we are both our own worst enemies, but I truly feel as though he is my soul mate. He is my best friend. He is my other half. But has there been too Much damage done on both sides for it to ever be repairable? Is love enough to truly overcome the obstacles? I find myself searching for him in my darkest moments. I don’t know where I would be without him.

I am struggling to want to be around my family and loved ones who drink and party, because to them, I’m a loser. “What do you mean you’re not drinking? What’s wrong with you?” … “There’s something wrong with her, she’s not herself.”… “why don’t you just come sit at the table with us, you don’t have to drink” … “don’t be such a sook, grow up by”

All of this, because I have chosen to give up alcohol. Because I choose to not drink, my family views me as having something wrong with me. I am less than because I do not want to become belligerent and obnoxious and confrontational. Because I am choosing to attempt to live a healthier life style, I am wrong, I am broken.

What they are failing to understand is that I am suffering. And not in silence. I have made it VERY clear to my loved ones that I am suffering. I have made it very clear that I need help and support. But yet my

Phone doesn’t ring, the text messages don’t come in, my door doesn’t get knocked on.

So I continue every day with the support system I have. My beautiful and amazing daughter who is my only will to live…. A boyfriend who I adore but my family doesn’t approve of, and two friends who are going through their own struggles and barely holding it together. I know I’m supposed to trust in my higher power, but I am struggling right now to find one.

How the fuck do I fix myself?

Signing off,

An emotionally drained robot mom.

#mental health #adhd #self help #self care #life purpose #higher power #mentalhealthmatters #momlife #self improvement #soberliving

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orangeoctopi7 · 2 years

Text

Spider Stan AU Chapter 14: The Carnival

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17607854/chapters/41509076

The day Fiddleford finally got his cast removed, a carnival came to town. While this was normally the sort of thing Stanford detested, even he had noticed how much the tension had been building in the cabin lately. Fiddleford, who he had thought hit it off quite well with Stanley at first, now seemed to be avoiding his brother. And if that wasn't enough, Stan was also exhibiting peculiar behavior. He hadn't woken Ford up in the middle of the night again, but he had been asking a lot of probing questions. Just as Ford had feared, Stan was indeed catching on to Bill's existence, and it was clear from the conversation Ford had overheard during their camp-out that Stan assumed the worst.

Ford made his concerns known to Bill that night.

"If I could just tell him, he wouldn't have to worry. I could just explain that you're not dangerous." The researcher pleaded for the umpteenth time to just be allowed to tell his brother all about Bill. "He's my brother, it's only natural for him to be concerned for my well-being."

"WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS, IQ!" Bill rolled his single eye. "HE WOULDN'T TAKE IT WELL."

"Well if you don't want anyone else to know about you, maybe you should stop appearing to me when Stan and Fiddleford are around." Ford said. "I'm not surprised they're concerned, it must seem like I'm losing my mind to them."

"OH, I'M SORRY, ARE YOU SAYING I'M WRONG? THAT I MADE A MISTAKE HELPING YOU?"

"N-no, of course not!" Ford corrected hastily.

"THE ONLY REASON I GOT INVOLVED ANY OF THOSE TIMES IS BECAUSE YOU WERE ABOUT TO SCREW UP, OR BECAUSE YOU ASKED ME. SO STOP QUESTIONING ME, SIXER! I'M DOING THIS FOR YOU. YOUR BROTHER IS ONLY STAYING HERE BECAUSE HE'S WORRIED ABOUT YOU, AFTER ALL. ONCE HE REALIZES YOU DON’T NEED HIM ANYMORE, HE’LL GO BACK TO HIS OWN LIFE BEING THE SPIDER MAN.

Ford's heart sank. If Bill said so, it must be true. “Oh…”

“YOU’RE THE ONE WHO WANTS HIM TO STAY, RIGHT?”

“...right.” the scientist agreed.

“THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT. SO WHAT ARE YOU COMPLAINING FOR?”

“I’m sorry.” Ford said timidly.

“DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT, SIXER. THAT THING I GOT FOR YOU SHOULD BE GETTING TO YOU SOON. THEN YOU WON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT YOUR BROTHER ANYMORE.”

* * *

“Why are we here again?” Stan asked as they stood in line for tickets to the carnival. Mama Misfortune's Traveling Carnival and Freak Show was barely legible on the faded and peeling wooden sign above the ticket booth. “You hate this stuff.”

“I’ve learned over the years that every so often there’s something real mixed in with the fakes that’s worth studying.” Ford assured him, although what little he could see of the thoughtlessly named ‘freak show’ from here was already making him cringe. “Besides, I figured we could all use a break.” He cast a meaningful glance to Fiddleford, who was already bouncing up and down like a child as he read about the pig races on a nearby sign.

Stan followed his brother’s gaze and nodded. “Yeah, you got a point there, I guess.” Fiddleford’s recent behavior wasn’t lost on the conman.

From the way he immediately rushed to get them all a bag of kettle corn, and his detailed description of the best mathematical statistics model to determine the winner of the pig race, it was clear this outing was just what the doctor ordered for McGucket’s mental health.

“So let me get this straight,” Stan said, obviously interested in the gambling aspect of the conversation, “You can rig the race using math?”

“No!” Fiddleford denied, sounding offended both by the implication that he was cheating and the complete misunderstanding of statistical analysis. “I’m not affecting the outcome any, I’m jus’ gatherin’ all the available data, such as the age, weight, diet, and leg length of the pigs, plus the weather and track conditions, in order to create a mathematical model of the possible outcomes. Once I have those, I can further use advanced probability calculations to narrow down those outcomes using statistics to determine within 0.05% certainty who the winner will be.”

“And they still let you place bets, knowing those odds?” Stan asked incredulously.

“Ah, well, that’s one of the few benefits of everyone thinkin’ I’m jus’ a southern simpleton.” McGucket smirked. “Nobody runnin’ the show needs to know I know those odds.”

“Now you’re speaking my language!” Stan rubbed his hands together eagerly. “Come on, Fidds, let’s clean these suckers out!”

With that, they ran off towards the pig races. Ford shook his head fondly. Whatever problem had come up between those two was obviously forgotten now. He’d go check out the ‘freak show’ section while they were off having their fun. He didn’t want to rain on their parade.

The old researcher grit his teeth and surreptitiously hid his hands in his pockets once he paid the additional entrance fee for this section of the carnival. The very concept of a ‘Freak Show’ made him want to punch the sleaze ball running the place. Making money off the all too common tendency to ridicule, deride, or fear anything outside of people’s perception of normal. Profiting off the very things that had made Ford’s childhood miserable.

As he made his way through the throng to the exhibits, his mood only soured. Not only was there nothing authentic here, all the fakes were laughably bad. And yet the people were eating it up!

“This place sure brings back memories, huh?”

Ford turned with a start to find Stanley had snuck up behind him.

“What happened to betting on the pig races?”

“Oh, well, I already helped all I could with gathering the data. I’m no help doing the math part, so I figured I’d come find you. This place is just like the old boardwalk, huh?”

“If anything it’s worse.” Ford huffed. “The locals are actually buying it.”

“No kidding.” Stan said, taking in how many adults were paying real money to see a chicken taped to a gorilla. Not just parents with whining kids. Not just teenagers who didn’t know any better. Not just curious tourists with nothing better to do. Back in the day you always got a few suckers like this down at the boardwalk, but the whole town seemed to be here.

“This has got to be the most gullible town on Earth.” Ford rolled his eyes.

“The most gullible on Earth, eh?” Stan said with a conniving grin.

Ford shot him an unimpressed glare.

“Don’t look at me like that.” Stan’s grin melted away. “You look like dad.”

Ford quickly schooled his face to a neutral expression. “Why would you need to swindle these people anyway? Aren’t you about to win it big at the pig races?”

“You can never have too much money.”

“You can if you use unethical means to get it.”

“Says you.” Stan stuck his tongue out, underlining how childish his response was.

As they made their way back towards the pig races, they came across a palm reader’s tent. The line stretched out longer than the one to place bets on the race.

“Hahah, remember that one time Ma tried to do that stuff over the phone with a fax machine?” Stan elbowed his brother.

Ford gave the tent the same indignant glare he’d given the freak show, but at Stan’s words, his expression morphed to a more thoughtful one, before finally settling on a mischievous grin.

“I wonder what they’d make of a hand like mine? I doubt they’ve ever run into a polydactyl person before. They’ll be stumped! Then I can expose them for the fraud they are!”

It was Stan’s turn to roll his eyes. “Or they’ll just make something up on the spot like they do for everyone else. C’mon, they’re just somebody trying to make a quick buck, ignore them.”

“No, as a scientist, it’s my job to advocate for facts and knowledge in the face of ignorance.”

“Fine, waste your time standing in that line just so some schmuck can tell you you’ll win the prize for biggest nerd in the world.” Stan waved him off. “I’m gonna go see if Fidds has found the winning pig yet.”

* * *

Needless to say, the pig race was a success. Stan and McGucket were counting their winnings and watching as the carnies attempted to round the pigs back up into their pen.

“Do ya reckon they’ll let me wrassle one of ‘em now that the race is over?”

“Hah! Only if you pay them for it. Then they’ll probably start taking more bets on who’ll win. These people are all about the money.” Stan watched as one of the carnies walked by with the house cut of the bets. “Speaking of which…”

“Hmm?” McGucket looked at him curiously.

“Uh, forget about it. I’m gonna go find Ford.”

Stan silently followed the carnie to one of the trucks the carnival had driven in on, easily hiding any time the guy turned around to check if he was being followed. Soon enough, the man reached the cab of the truck, unlocked it, and pulled out another key to a safe sitting behind the driver’s seat. He placed the race’s earnings with the rest of the cash inside before locking everything up again.

With a smug smile, Stan slipped on the web shooters he’d brought. He knew there was a lot of money changing hands at a place like this, and he was eager to see how he could use his powers to get in on the action after everything he’d learned with Ford’s help. With a thwip, he snagged the carnie’s keys as soon as he wasn’t looking. He was about to make his way back to the truck to crack open that safe when he found Ford standing outside the palm reader’s tent. His brother looked simultaneously disgusted and concerned.

“Hey, you alright?” Stan asked. “What’d she do, tell you you’ll get married and have 1.2 children?”

“Worse, she started flirting with me.”

“Heh, nice, was she cute?”

“I don’t know!” Ford sputtered.

“What, too dark in there or…?”

“I don’t know what constitutes cute!”

“What’ve you got there? She gave you her ring? Hah, looks like she wants to go steady!”

Ford quickly shoved it into his pocket, scowling, before changing the subject. “And what have you got there? Where’d those keys come from?”

“Found ‘em.” Stan folded his arms and glanced up at the ferris wheel.

Unfortunately for Stan, Ford knew his brother’s tells all too well. “You’re using your powers to steal!? You don’t need to do this anymore Stan! We can help you.”

Stan, feeling attacked, lashed out. “Oh, right, like I’m gonna be moochin’ off you for the rest of my life! I’m just saving up for when you’re finally ready to move on without me again!”

He knew it was only a matter of time. Best case scenario, Ford eventually got sick of him like he had back in high school, and he left for whatever new thing caught his interest. Worst case scenario, Stan screwed something up like he had with the science fair project and he was thrown out again. At least this time he’d be ready.

“You don’t have to stay here on my account!” Ford retorted. “And if you go on stealing, you won’t be staying in my house!”

“Says the guy who stole radioactive waste to fuel his experiment!”

“That stuff is stored way too close to populated areas, I’m doing Roadkill County a service by removing it!”

“You’re such a hypocrite! Shouldn’t a genius like you know—” Stan’s argument halted as his spider sense went off. Not the twinging sense he’d felt when the yellow triangle was around. His proper spider sense, warning him of imminent danger.

“We need to get outta here.” He grabbed Ford.

“Don’t change the subject Stanley, this is serious!”

His brother pulled against Stan's attempts to get out of there and to safety. When Ford broke free he stumbled back into a tall figure. He was about to turn and apologize to the man when he was roughly seized by both arms in a vice-like grip.

"There you are! We've been looking for you. You can't just bail with Rico's valuables."

The man was huge, and Ford fleetingly wondered if he was part Manotaur. His breath certainly smelled like one.

"I-I'm sorry, there must be some sort of mistake." Then the researcher remembered he'd just accused his brother of stealing. No doubt this man had mistaken him for Stanley and was trying to take back whatever had been stolen. "My brother, he's the one who--"

Stan sprang out of nowhere and slugged the guy hard enough to knock him on his rear, and this time he successfully pulled Ford away.

"These guys don't know I have a brother, and I'd like it to stay that way!" Stan hissed, frantically pulling on his mask.

"Why on earth would you care if the carnies know you have a brother!?" Ford asked belligerently.

With another shiver of his spider sense, Stan suddenly pulled Ford to the ground just as a gunshot went off.

"Because this guy isn't a carnie!" Stan answered.

* * *

NEK GPZ GLOEJ OMBIY!

#My Writing #Gravity Falls #Fanfiction #AU #Stanford Pines #Stanley Pines

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magdaclaire · 2 years

Text

a phone call away

an ellenmissouri scene that ate my frontal lobe

Dishes. Simple. Run the rag round and round the plates, the pots, the cups, circular motions to soothe the restlessness in her chest. Check in on Joanna Beth. Make sure she's keeping neat while looking through her mama's jewelry, though she doesn't even mind if Jo wants to wear any of it. It's not like she wears much of it these days anyway. Go back to the dishes. Finish them. Lean against the wall and wonder if things are ever going to feel easier, if things are ever going to get. Well. Better.

The phone rings, breaking the quiet that's been settled so evenly over the house for the past few days, it feels like, ever since Bill left on this last trip. Ellen pulls herself together. There's no sense in this.

"Hey Miz," she says, answering the phone on a hunch and getting it confirmed by a hum in a sweet voice, higher than hers, a hum that she could hear Missouri's pursed lips through.

"And how, Ellen Joleen, did you know it was me?"

"It's always you when I feel like this, Miz," she sighs, referring to the sinking feeling in her stomach that nearly always precedes a conversation with Missouri, and always because the other woman calls her first.

"I'm telling you, darling, I think you've got a bit of the sight in you." Ellen frowns, just as she has every other time that Missouri has brought the concept up.

"I think it's just a healthy sense of foreboding. Can't exactly pretend that it's a normal life we lead, as much as we try to make it. Now, did you call just to chat, or did you see somethin'? Because we can talk all day, but if we know somethin' important, I'd rather know sooner than later."

"El, sometimes these things aren't as clear as we want them to be," Missouri says, hemming, hawing and hedging more than she ever has with Ellen, or at least more than she has in the many years that they've been friends. Ellen wraps the phone chord around her fingertips, picking at the tip of her finger with the nail of her thumb.

"Missouri, what did you see?" she asks, and she doesn't know how many years its been since she's called Miz by her given name, but it's enough that she can hear it when Missouri sucks in a breath.

"I think something's happenin' to Bill, Ellen," Missouri says, her voice so near to a whisper it's hard to hear, but it comes through all the same. Ellen just barely keeps her knees from falling out beneath her. Missouri never really thinks something happens. It only ever does.

"How bad is it, Miz?" Her voice is quiet, coaxing, gentle. Missouri is the one going through something right now. The weight of what's happening will come later.

"I think- I think he dies, El," Missouri says, and Missouri never thinks, she only knows, and Ellen's heart drops into her knees. She barely catches a sob before it crashes out of her mouth, muffles the noise with her hand before it can reach the ears of their child down the hall. God, how is she going to tell Jo? That girl worships the ground Bill walks on. Wears his boots around when he steps out of them. Uses his jacket as a blanket. There's no good way to tell a four year old that her dad is dead. No manner of gentling that will make her miss him any less. There's nothing she can do to lessen this for her daughter.

"How do I tell her?" she asks Missouri aloud, knowing that not even Missouri will have an answer for this, but having no one else to say it to anymore.

"You hold that girl and you tell her that you've got her still, even now that her Daddy's gone. You remind yourself you're not alone either. I'm only a phone call away, Ellen Joleen. I may have a family of my own now, but that does not mean I will not get myself a flight out there." Ellen laughs, but it's a harsh laugh, one that quickly turns into another sob she holds back harshly.

"Oh, honey," Missouri says, her voice honey sweet and sympathetic, something Ellen would hate from anyone else, but Miz never says anything she doesn't mean, never means anything she doesn't say. "I'm gonna come out for a visit. Just for the next two weeks. Maybe two more after that if need be. We'll see. That sound okay?"

Ellen can't find it within herself to decline. She's found it within herself to decline most everything, but even she can't deny herself of this.

"It's not too much trouble?" she asks, an out, a chance for Missouri to decline herself, something.

"For you? Never."

Missouri says this as if this won't be the third time they've met in person, the first time they've spent more than a week together. Lightheaded, Ellen moves so she can lean her head against the wall, forehead against the cool wooden slats of the kitchen wall. She twirls the phone chord around her fingers once again.

"Thank you for calling to tell me," she says. She'd hate to hear that for the first time in front of John Winchester. However, she knows how much it must have hurt Missouri to have to be the one to tell her in the first place.

"I couldn't let you get blindsided. Not when I knew."

"I'm sorry you had to know." And she is, truly. She wishes that Missouri could have her gift without burdens, that she could see things that didn't haunt her for days after the occurrence of the vision, sometimes months, midnight phone calls Ellen picked up every time, the times she's had to remind her over and over again that people believe her now. Missouri hums again.

"If there was anyone I would choose to you my gift for, it would be you, my dear," she says. God above, her voice is so sad and sweet, it's like a song. It's like a poem only Ellen is invited to read in the late hours of the night, phone calls across thousands of miles and long distance minutes that neither of their husbands ever paid any mind to, Ellen's fingers twirled in the phone chord. Ellen thinks of her dead, dying, dead-man-walking husband, and her throat burns.

"Are you really going to come?" she asks, her voice smaller than she's let it be in years, but God, it can't be helped.

"Of course, baby. I'll be there in two days or less, I promise. You won't do any of it alone," Missouri says, either though they both know that there won't be any of it to be had. Bill'll have a hunter's funeral that his daughter is barely able to understand the attendance of (and God bless that she can't, the practice of bringing children to the ritualistic burning of a corpse skeeves her out just a little bit), and then the entire community will move it right along to the next hunter who dies even younger and leaves behind an even more desperate widow and perhaps even more children. Gotta rely on your own network in the hunting community. The general population just doesn't cut it.

"Will Adrian mind?" She has to ask. She has to ask all of it. She can't leave any stone unturned. She can't believe Bill is dead. Fuck.

"Oh no, Adrian will take it as an opportunity to take that boy of his on one of their little trips. I'm sure they'll be fishing and gawking at museums for my entire sabbatical," Missouri assures her, the even tone of her voice calming like a caress, like a hand in your hair. Ellen thinks she might could listen to Missouri talk every single day for the rest of their lives. Then again, she's thought that about since she was twenty-three years old.

"Okay. Just. Be safe on your way here, alright? Don't do anything I wouldn't do," she requests, knowing immediately that it will make Missouri laugh. She's treated to the experience not a second behind.

"Honey, I'm flying on my way there. We are beginning at a deficit for not doin' things you wouldn't do." Ellen snorts.

"Alright, so just don't do anything stupid. And I know, Missouri Moseley does not do anything stupid, however, my friend Miz has told me many a story of her more adventurous hours, so please, Miz. For me," she says, not sure what tone she's invoking, but noticing a bit late that it definitely is a bit of one. Definitely a tone. She swallows in the silent second between her speaking and Missouri answering her. It's only ever a second. Sometimes, it feels like there's an ocean between them instead of miles of mountains and roads. Whatever that means.

"For you, I will be extraordinarily sure to mind my P's and Q's on my way from mine to yours. Does that satisfy, dear?" Missouri asks her. She's gentling her once again, doing that thing with her voice where it sounds like she's doing her best to verbally rub your shoulders, sooth your sore spots. It's fucking inconvenient when Ellen is trying to get a point across is what it is, because it's damn hard to keep up in being hard toned with Missouri when she's all nice to her like that. Much of their friendship has to do with the piss and vinegar of the world. She shouldn't be surprised that Missouri is catching more of her flies with honey.

"You're not being fair, Missouri," she says outright, her voice soft, her forehead still against the wall. Missouri chuckles.

"Life ain't being fair to you right now, baby. I just wanna even up the score a little."

Ellen can feel her tears in her nose, and she sniffles even though she knows that Missouri will hear it. She wishes Miz was here already. She wishes Bill was here. She wishes Mary-

"My husband's gonna die," she says, reminds herself, reminds the kitchen, the hallway, everyone but Joanna Beth, who will not hear this until tomorrow at least. Let her have one more night where her Daddy's coming home alive.

"He is, El. I'm sorry," Missouri says one last time, and Ellen thinks that it's one last time because she can't stand to hear it again.

"No more sorry's. Not from you. It's not your fault, and I won't have you walking around acting like it is. Now, you come here, and you hang out with me until you feel better about it, and I'll. I'll figure it out. We always knew this was a possibility. It's not safe work. We always knew what Bill was into," she says, building herself back together brick by brick. Even she knows that the bricks will fall, that they'll have to do this again. She finds herself willing. Just so long as she can make it through one thing at a time.

"I'll call you about my flight details, okay?" Missouri checks, and that's it, really. They say their goodbyes, and Ellen feels the tenuous grasp that she has on this small slice of normalcy slip from between her fingers as she remembers that she still has to be a mother after this. Joanna Beth. Ellen untangles her hand from the telephone chord carefully.

#according to 4thewords i wrote this in less than 45 minutes so please give it ur best grains of salt and kindest eyes #ellen harvelle #missouri moseley #ellenmissouri #mine #eventually i will write more of this and it will be a fic #but for now. character death. visions. long distance #i feel like i should tag people because that's what people do but blessed be i don't even know who i would tag

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clarkxhale · 3 months

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[male and he/him] Welcome to Aurora Bay, [CLARK HALE]! I couldn’t help but notice you look an awful lot like [SCOTT EASTWOOD]. You must be the [THIRTY-SIX] year old [VETERINARIAN]. Word is you’re [CONSIDERATE] but can also be a bit [SNOBBISH] and your favorite song is [WOW. BY POST MALONE]. I also heard you’ll be staying in [CRYSTAL COVE CONDOMINIUMS]. I’m sure you’ll love it! @aurorabayaesthetic

What happens when you are born to a cardiac surgeon and an orthopedic surgeon? You easily become destined for greatness. The Hale family has known their greatness for generations as old wealth from family members before has weaved its way into the lifestyle of Richard and Brenda Hale. It would almost seem as if being wealthy was a requirement to even be part of this family. Failure was never an option and would never be an option if Richard had a say in his children’s futures.

Clark was born as the middle child of their family. An easy forgotten fact since the age gap between the three siblings certainly felt more like only children for chunk of time. This became a blessing and a curse since there was always a moment of overbearing from his parents on being perfect. He grew up learning how to play the piano, had a tutor for his language classes, and picked up soccer as his sport of choice. Between school and his family’s neverending functions, there was never enough time to be a kid. He felt as if he had to grow up fast in order to appease his parents.

By the time high school came around, things started to slack up a bit. He had more control in his schedule and decided to do more in his school. He was apart of three different clubs and still continued to play soccer. Though, he didn’t have much time for anything else, he still needed to attend his parent’s functions. This is how he met his high school girlfriend who easily became the biggest reason as to why him and his parents don’t get along that much anymore. They saw it as she was pulling him away from his true calling in life and he saw it as finally living a normal day from time to time.

His parents wanted him to follow in their footsteps and become a surgeon (thankfully his own choosing). His girlfriend, on the other hand, convinced him to do something different. Though it wasn’t unheard of for the Hale family to stray from the medical field, it was just completely unbelievable in the eyes of his parents. They believed in that showing how great being a surgeon really is that their children would easily follow along that path.

In college, he picked the veterinarian career path. He was finally away from his parents for a select amount of time and it was almost as if a ticking time bomb had gone off. Every weekend, he was at some party. He might not remember what all happened on those weekends, but he continued to get up early enough for his 8am the next morning. He worked by his own schedule and it felt freeing to not having anyone breathing down his neck. Until it came time to go home for breaks which he always hated, but they were footing the bill so he had to do what they said. Would his parents really be that cruel to not let him finish school? He never found out, but Clark was pretty positive they would have if it meant going into the medical field with them.

Since coming back to Aurora Bay after finishing his degree, he has worked consistently to be separated from his parents’ shadows. He has removed himself in every way he could except physically. Even though they try to control different aspects of his life (his love life, and how he spends his money), he is completely happy knowing he has the final say in things. But with tensions on the rise, he could be thrown back into the mess of the Hale family.

#clark || about

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deviant-nomad · 1 year

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Patrick Melrose: thoughts + quotes of interest, while watching

---

“I think the secret is not to interfere.”

The parenting philosophy of Patrick’s mother. She failed to act when he was sexually abused by his father.

---

Man, the character of David Melrose is so terribly unsympathetic. A sadist. He delights in externalizing his insecurities as pain onto others. Patrick Melrose delights in histrionic, self-destructive behavior. But at least he has that awareness that cruelty should not be inflicted on others.

- David views sentiment as blackmail, a weakness.

I wonder what Hugo Weaving has to say about David Melrose’s motivation. He’s just so very unsympathetic.

---

It’s so heartbreaking to see Patrick lose trust in other people’s promises. His mother never keeps her promises. Now he distrusts the lady guest.

David Melrose: “Education should be something of which a child can later say, “If I survived that, I can survive anything.”

Nicholas Pratt: “It doesn’t do a child any good to be molly-coddled. I know it’s an unfashionable point of view, nothing that happens to you as a child really matters.”

Just wrong in every conceivable way. Anne Moore gets angry and righteous, and the others shoot down her display of emotion as naive, a leftist. As if the only way to be wise about the world is to submit to cruelty. I found it so very hard to see anything redeemable in David and Nicholas.

But the thing is, people like this exist in the world. How should we treat them? Firstly, they should be nowhere near a child. Is the only way to teach them a lesson by inflicting on them the pain they inflicted on others?

“Why do you think it’s superior to be amoral?”

“In the end, one must oppose cruelty even if only by refusing to take part.”

I’d like to have sympathy for all people/sentient beings. While never enabling the crueler aspects of our nature. But cruelty is just such a central / defining aspect of David’s character, it seems futile to try and find any silver linings/redeemable qualities in him...

How should we view / treat the people who inflict harm, in society? Cut them out like a disease before it infects the rest of the body?

---

Benedict Cumberbatch on understanding an addict’s mindset:

I’ve always been about moderation. I’m not a binger and nothing is habitual with me. So the idea of what an addict goes through is something I really had to come to understand.” (1)

---

“[My mother] is driving a consignment of 10,000 syringes to Poland. Everyone says it’s marvelous of her, but I still think charity begins at home. I wish she’d bring them round here.”

^Hilarious, sad, and wise all at once.

“I though you’d - er - put all that behind you.”

“Behind me...in front of me. ... Yes well I’d realized I’d given up everything and taken up nothing.”

“You’ve taken up the law! You’re going to ‘work for a living.’”

“Yes that’s the intention - in fact, it’s a necessity now with the medical bills. But I still feel as though life -”

Patrick recognizing himself in the poor lost little girl looking for her mother’s attention.

George Watford: “You must make a contribution. No person is an island. No more wasted time.”

^Interesting. Patrick’s conversation with George (friend of David Melrose) humanizes David somewhat. He even had some useful words (taken on their own): if you have talent, use it. And George says he was never happy, and that he would hate for Patrick to make the same mistakes of wasting time. Patrick has pushed down the trauma/memory of his father (totally understandable). But might there be something positive he can take from all that, moving forward?

- Princess Margaret is definitely giving Patrick flashbacks to his father’s cruelty. Women can be cruel too.

Nicholas is playing all sides of the room. Truly someone who lives without moral compass / guiding principle, besides climbing the status ladder.

Julia: “Honestly you have to laugh.”

Patrick: “Well you don’t have to laugh.”

Julia: “Serves her right.”

Patrick: “What for?”

Julia: “All that [status] climbing.”

Patrick: “You know I have some reservations about your character.”

I love that Patrick is repulsed by the fakeness of these people. How they whisper about each other behind their backs.

Patrick: “I just don’t want any more irony and tension. ... I think you imagine everyone else as just like you.”

I like the shifting lights in the background. Representing Patrick’s state of mind in flux? Either way, beautiful cinematography.

He’s really trying so hard to avoid slipping back into the past.

The tension just drains out of Patrick after he admits his trauma to his friend Johnny.

“Now I’m exhausted hating him. It’s not enough. And if I’m going to break out into the world - not just this, but the real world.”

“Perhaps the only way to move on is to become more detached from yourself and more attached to something else.”

“A hobby, you mean?”

“Someone else.”

Bridget drives away from her royal family and the painful history of infidelity. And instead chooses to refocus on her own family members - those who have always been there for her - instead?

Patrick talking to Chilly Willy at the end. He sees someone who’s found the light again. And he thinks he can perhaps do it himself.

---

Time has passed. Patrick is married and with 2 sons now. But it’s not a happily ever after. Though Patrick is not inflicting himself on his son Robert in the same way his father did, he’s still emotionally volatile, and that does create a hostile environment for the child. Patrick is so focused on not passing on his father’s brand of trauma, but he’s still traumatizing his child in another way.

“They’re just fresh mistakes.”

Patrick doesn’t immediately let go of Robert in the pool, Robert is actually at risk of drowning/inhaling water. Patrick is mired in his own emotional spiral and pulling his child down with him, despite his best intentions.

Oh nooooo. Is he about to have an affair. No no no don’t do that Patrick.

The fact that Julia is stopping him from getting nostalgic. Interesting. Perhaps because she’s seen how much he’s changed. And she doesn’t want him to be regretful?

Oh my god. Eleanor (the mother) abandoned Patrick while she got herself out of the toxic relationship. She abandoned her child. Broke all her promises.

Oh my god Patrick is trying to have an affair. HELL NO.

He smokes while gazing into the pool. Is he having suicidal thoughts again? He thought he made it, but old feelings continue to resurface.

Julia is a cynic. No use filling children’s heads with trust, truth-telling. They won’t be able to compete in the real-world.

Seamus is irritating. It’s all spiritual posturing. He knows Patrick doesn’t like him (for taking his inheritance), and still insists on encroaching on his space/time anyway.

“At some point, you have to let this all go. I don’t mean the house.”

Yes, he needs to let go of expectations toward the past. If his parents are unwilling to change, then clinging to such expectations will only lead to resentment. You need to accept the things that can’t be changed so you can move on.

Patrick criticized Julia before for delighting in Bridget’s misery. But here he is engaging in an affair himself (with Julia). He’s slipping/spiraling hard.

It’s the right thing to do. To stop expecting things from our parents.

Voluntary euthanasia is illegal in UK apparently. Huh.

---

“Life is just the history of things we pay attention to. The rest is just packaging.”

^Yeah.

---

LOL. Irritated with both of them, Patrick pairs up the hippie (Annette) with the cynic (Nicholas). Fight to the death.

Nicholas needs to go. Why is Patrick still allowing him to stick around? He triggers Patrick so hard.

---

“Still not given up irony then?”

“Hardest addiction of all.”

“She suggested there’s no easy conclusion about what someone’s life means.”

“Well you can come to a conclusion about what it means to you.”

^True.

Patrick wishes he could feel more spontaneously. And then he just asks the waitress out. It’s kinda cute.

Wow. He feels so many mixed emotions toward his parents in the end.

“Sometimes those who deserve the most blame also deserve the most compassion.”

I think it’s appropriate how, immediately after these words, there’s a reminder (w/ the ominous music) of the rape / abuse his father inflicted on him. So that the sentiment about compassion doesn’t gloss over how horrible the abuse was. As Patrick said, he’s inconclusive about his parents. Rage, but also pity, tenderness.

The trauma is still there. Even as he tries to heal, forgive, and move forward.

It seems like David did feel some remorse. So he’s one of the conditioned sadist/rapists. It isn’t just inherent to his nature. But there are those out there who just feel no remorse.

1. https://www.rollingstone.com/tv-movies/tv-movie-features/benedict-cumberbatchs-long-hard-road-to-decadence-depravity-and-patrick-melrose-630001/

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someone-give-me-a-hug · 1 year

Text

Life Update:

Hello again,

I’m not even going to pretend that things have gotten drastically better because what would be the point in not being honest? I talked to my mum and she cut me off like always when I try and explain things but it’s fine I could tell that she wanted to understand but couldn’t grasp anything other than her own grief which is understandable when your child tells you they had to message a crisis hotline while you slept. I don’t know what I thought would happen by telling her but she told me she didn’t want me on medication and that nothing really came from the conversation. I went and did exams every day for the week and have exams everyday this week as well, ones that I don’t know the content for but can’t bring myself to carer very much, it’s like I know they’re a big deal but I just can’t? I don’t know I’m all over the place at the moment. I haven’t done anything so that’s a good thing. i realised something as well, I don’t think I’m meant to be here for a long time. It’s not that I will kill myself but I just can’t see myself getting old or having a future or career and honestly I’m not upset about it it’s just that it doesn’t feel like it’s made for me. We had another disaster, my dog had to go to the vet again because he was bleeding, he’s fine and I’m glad but it’s a £300 bill that feels like it’s eating me alive. People keep talking about how well off my dad is now and it’s frustrating me because no matter how many times I tell them to stop they just forget and do it again another day, we also asked him to pay another £100 a month but he refused to and so that’s the end of that argument. On Friday night I was messaging someone who had added me on snapchat and then he told me that I looked like an R slur which hurt more than I expected it to because why should I let that get to me you know? It’s like pain is just a constant numbing emotion but sometimes it gets stronger and I can’t stop it. It’s my friends birthday at the weekend, she want’s us all to go out for a meal but I can’t bring myself to eat in restaurants because I hate eating in front of people, I hate how loud and unpredictable they can be and it’s always so expensive, oh and i can’t get there anyway because it’s at 8pm which means my mum will be over the limit anyway and I can’t get a bus because of shit that happened on them when I was younger. I want to go for her sake but I don’t know if I can afford it? I think I have a £20 somewhere hidden in my room on my bookshelf so I might be able to use that. I just, there’s still a lot going on and I kinda thought this would be a normal episode of emotion where one night I want to die and the next I’m okay again but it’s lasting a little longer and I don’t know how to feel. I am so so sorry that I put this on you all the time, you don’t need this on your plate and I am really sorry that all I do is post about how low everything is. I’m really sorry, I don’t want you to think that you need to keep supporting me, please don’t feel obligated to do it. I feel bad for thinking that as well because whenever I think that it makes me think that I am saying you’re a bad person and that you are doing it out of pity but I promise I am not saying that at all, you are wonderful and kind and make things easier I just don’t want you to think that you have to. Sorry this is long and hard to read in terms of grammar and everything I just can’t bring myself to do much of anything. this probably made no sense sorry. also I’ve been getting really bad chest pains for the past week and numbness in my arm, completely forgot about that but it’s probably just me worrying about stuff

#p.s thank you for eveything

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greenieflor · 2 years

Note

FIRST TEXT

Searching for a companion😊 Weekly allowance involved no sexual activity and I’m willing to support with $3,500 weekly. Are you interested?

Hello I’m a gentleman who needs a loving and trustworthy girl to treat right pay all her bills support her and spoil her financially I’m not here for games☺️ No sexual activity involved🥰 Do let me know if you’re interested❤️ And I’m willing to send you $5600 as your weekly allowance

Hello I’m a gentleman who needs a loving and trustworthy lady to treat right pay all her bills support her and spoil her financially I’m not here for games☺️ No sexual activity involved🥰 Do let me know if you’re interested❤️

❤️Hello dear, I hope a potential new friend wouldn't hurt🌹I'm hoping you won't be offended but I find you really attractive and I’d want you to be my sugar baby, just letting you know my intentions. We can talk terms and weekly allowance later🥰…Do let me know if you are interested🥰

Hello beautiful☺️ Do you need a sugar daddy to spoil and support you financially you’re really gorgeous and adorable 🥰 you deserve to be happy and treated like a queen👸 Do let me know if you’re interested❤️

Hello I’d love to have a discussion with you if you don’t mind😊

INTRODUCTION

Hello

How are you doing

I’m David from Jacksonville Florida but currently out of the country for a business contract

What about you?

That’s good nice to meet you😌

Well let me tell you little about myself, I own a construction company I buy and sell heavy metals, I was born and raised in Jacksonville Florida. My dad was never there for me. I couldn’t afford to pay my college bills and support myself in college. My mom’s last wish to me before she died was to help young ladies, college student and single mothers❤️ I didn’t care how long it’d take or mind the amount of suffering. I encountered many challenges in life I didn’t give up and now I’m successful🥰

May I know more about yourself honey?

I’m really sorry about what you’re going through my love❤️ keep on being a good lady and you’ll achieve your goals always aim higher, help whoever you can and you’ll receive more blessings🥂 As it is I’m a blessing in your life hope you know that?

Remember no matter how life gets difficult to be never give up okay

What do you do in your free time?

Well as for me I enjoy listening to the country music, cuddling up reading a magazine or watching TV, horseback riding, outdoor photography

Are you single?

I’ve been helping and I’ve been supportive since I lost my wife during childbirth, it’s not been easy living alone without a wife or a child to spend my money on. I decided to live life by helping people, I know she’s proud of the life I chose☺️

I want us to be open and honest with each other so we can have a great friendship and arrangement together💓 Everyone judges and doesn’t want to talk. I believe there’s more to a person than what’s on the outside. It’s what’s in the heart that counts. I want to be able to bring joy to someone’s life

All I want right now is your online companionship, someone you can run to when you need help financially, give me advice when needed and I want nothing in return. I would also take proper care of your needs by giving you weekly allowance of $5600 I got a girl Chizzlze I take good care of her as my daughter and she has been loyal, honest and trustworthy with me, I pay her bills and give her weekly allowance to go shopping🛍

If you want to be my girl you have to be loyal, honest and trustworthy🥰 promise me you’ll be straightforward and sincere with me☺️ I'm enough to take care of you and do not hesitate to ask me for whatever you think you need me to help you with okay

I also hate lies and I despise it when a girl or lady I’m trying to help disrespect me or try to insult me I respect my dignity and reputation I don’t joke with it. I want to assure you if you give me your trust we can be the best thing ever we would build a castle and a palace of friendship together. I would make you realize I’m the right person in your life, I'll make you feel like a queen you are and also do things to make you happy❤️

Honey I’ve lost over $80,000 to different ladies saying they are honest and sincere and after they got my money I ended up being blocked by them I have this believe that no matter what they do God will continue to bless those who help people in need

A good turn deserves another. You’ve been very caring, honest, loyal and trustworthy with me within a short period of time we met each other. You are amazing and very special to me I’m being honest with you right now I really care about you❤️

I believe that the most important 'key' to a successful friendship would have to be 'trust'. I believe that with trust, love will follow. However, what I have noticed is that many people think trust, or expect that trust is to be earned by the other person, when in all actuality it is something that comes from within ourselves.

So many times people will say they don't trust due to past experiences. What they don't realize is they have built up those proverbial walls to protect them from the very thing they are searching for This life we trust the wrong person and when the right one comes along it’s either we stop trusting or we scare the person away

There is a risk in trusting someone, but when you finally trust someone it makes all the past experiences and lessons learnt worth the risk. All of life's little lessons do not have to be painful despite when they seem so at the time. You just have to chalk it up to experience and move on. Don’t allow past betrayals to prolong the pain by building a fortress around your heart that not only protects you from pain or betrayal, but also denies you the ability to experience happiness and joy.

So Let’s open our hearts to trust and bask in the beauty, happiness and joy of the true love that will follow. For everyone there is a someone, we just can't find them if you hide away all our life.

Honey you got bills or debts??

Okay honey that’s not a problem I’ll send you $5600 which would be your weekly allowance. Are you okay with that?

Honey before I make any new transactions on my PayPal business account you’ll need to confirm your payment with $200 cryptocurrency it’s just for a one time confirmation and you’re getting it back after it’s being confirmed you don’t have to confirm on your next weekly allowance. Why it’s being set up was because I’ve lost a lot of money helping those who doesn’t appreciate when they get my money they block me it’s sad so that’s why the process it’s being programmed to know those that really need my help. Just like my girl chizzlze she did the same I can show you if you don’t mind okay remember I want the best for you sunflower.

This is so fucking funny my guy just dropped every message he has into one big ask

#lav rambles #ask the plant #i GUESS

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