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rainbowsky · 1 year

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GG Esquire Cover Story

A lot of people have written me about the cover story GG did for Esquire magazine. There have been some interesting responses in my inbox, many of which have baffled me a bit, to be honest.

People have asked me for my thoughts on it all, so here they are! 😊

I've been picking away at this for ages, sorry it's coming so far after publication of the article. I have a few things like this in my drafts that are taking me a while to finish writing. I don't have the sustained resources to work on things for very long at a stretch these days.

Disclaimer: Please remember that this is an OPINION piece - my take on the article. I have no special insight, and everyone is free to form their own perspectives and responses. Don't take what I say as fact. It's just one opinion among many.

The photos

I have to start out by talking about the photos, because they truly set the tone for (and perfectly illustrate) the article.

These are not the typical magazine spread photos that a lot of fans are used to seeing. Here GG is practically unstyled. The GG you would see in his downtime. His hair is tousled, his clothing is very casual. His poses are also very casual. He looks like he could be just hanging around his hotel room scrolling through his phone.

These photos are such a gift. They feel so fresh and candid and relaxed. Total Boy Next Door. I absolutely love them.

What a relief to see these photos. Nothing ostentatious or overstyled, nothing aggressively brand-forward (some of what he is wearing is his own personal clothing). Just GG. I nearly fainted. 😅

The article

The original article can be found here, and there is a fan translation here.

My relief in seeing these sweet, casual photos of GG was matched only by my relief in reading the article.

To be honest I'm rarely very excited about the sorts of interviews or stories that accompany these types of magazine covers. They are generally fan servicey puff pieces that cater to a certain type of reader - the kind of people who want to become more invested in an idol fantasy.

They tend to be fairly overtly PR pieces, aimed at positioning the idol in an appealing and often romantic, personable way that makes them more accessible to their fans.

I have often been dismissive of interview statements that other fans have taken to heart, which has caused some friction at times, but what can I say? I think a lot of what's typically covered is awkward, fake and fan servicey. I talk a little bit about that in this post.

I didn't go into reading this article with any particular expectation, except that my expectations were low and I wasn't expecting any surprises. But, much to my surprise, I found a smart, interesting, poetic, uncompromising look at a side of GG that we've rarely seen.

My biggest takeaway from this article was that GG wanted to dampen, rather than fan the flames of, fan fantasies about him; to give people a more realistic sense of who he is and what he's about.

I have rarely been prouder of him than when reading this article. It feels like with this interview he is setting boundaries and putting his honest self forward despite expectations and even demands about who he should be and what he should represent.

Sidebar Rant About Fan Culture

Sometimes I see GG's life as being like an episode of Black Mirror. He is a protagonist who has been strangled by his own fame, in some ways held hostage by people who believe that they made him who he is and put him where he is (despite the role they've frequently played in holding him back).

The situation for stars at his level is pretty crazy. Fans genuinely believe that they know better than their idols what is best for them and their careers, and they will - totally unironically and with a straight face - deliver lists of demands and conditions to their idol and their idol's management team that they expect to be met if the star hopes to maintain their love and support.

These demands can be quite detailed. How they want the management team to be structured, the types of projects they want the artist to take, the types of statements they want their idol to make, etc. It's insane.

And GG's fans have been especially difficult, because they are very deeply invested in old school ideas about fan culture that are no longer viable in the current climate. Pushing traffic, 'comment control' and 'clarification' (aka fan wars), attacking anyone they perceive to be a rival or opportunist or anyone they believe isn't treating GG how they think he should be treated (despite having no access whatsoever to verified information about how he's being treated - i.e. it's all based on their assumptions). Using dirty - even dangerous - tactics to try to harm rival fandoms, regardless of how much that puts GG at risk.

Despite the fact that their behavior has caused problems for him in the past. Despite the fact that he has repeatedly begged them to stop behaving the way they do. Despite the fact that his career has nearly been killed by this type of behavior. Despite the fact that there has been a seismic shift in how fan culture is being treated in China, and despite the policies that have been put in place to curtail some of that behavior. They just don't seem to have gotten the memo.

They have learned absolutely nothing from their past mistakes.

Increasingly, they do not seem to have his deeper interests at heart. At times they appear to be supporting him for their own vanity, clout and sense of accomplishment rather than genuinely loving him for who he is. They seem to take more pride in their ability to bring traffic, out-vote other fandoms and move brand merchandise than in who this sweet, smart man is and what he does.

They actively push some of the most toxic, hateful ideas you can find in fandom. They are some of the key drivers behind the whole 'desperate illiterate' hate campaign against DD, and in so doing put both GG and DD's careers at risk. They are constantly spreading hate and lies about DD and trying to bring scandal upon him. Any time an anti-DD campaign surfaces online, they jump on it and fuel it to the best of their ability.

These are people who have had so many opportunities to grow and change, and emulate GG's kindness and maturity, but have repeatedly failed the assignment.

Being a star can't be easy

I often wonder how GG really feels about his fans. How much of the fan culture mayhem he's fed up with, and how much of it he's taken in stride as part of the job. I know it drives me crazy, but he's obviously got a better perspective on it all and would be a lot more accustomed to it all.

As I said in a previous post, I think we need to treat the idea that he absolutely adores his fans with some degree of skepticism. There's a very real noose around his neck, and that can't feel great. I personally believe he wants to loosen that hold a bit.

With this article GG seems to be saying, "Here I am. Support me or move on, but this is the real me."

He seems to be setting some boundaries and giving fans a glimpse behind the curtain at the real him. He is challenging them to accept him for who he really is, or move on.

I feel like he is taking cautious steps toward loosening some of the stranglehold fans have over his career.

GG is a smart, savvy person. I have no doubt that he is well aware of the assumptions about him. I don't think it was an accident that this interview broke down some of those assumptions.

I love him so much. He continually blows me away with how sharp and tough he is.

Disillusionment and growth

Of course, that's not the entire story of the article. There is some alienation and loneliness here. Frustration and struggle with identity.

One of the most powerful lines in the entire article was when he said that he works for this Xiao Zhan guy as well. When he talks about not knowing anymore which GG is real and which is the persona.

"There are two Xiao Zhans, one of them is here, that’s me. There is another Xiao Zhan, the Xiao Zhan in quotes, but he is probably not me anymore. We are all working for him, including myself."

I admit I was surprised by how fractured he sounded. Not surprised that some of this has happening - that is totally to be expected given his fame - but surprised that he'd talk so openly about it. He's not normally so candid about his personal experience of fame, or about its emotional/psychological impacts on him. In his post-2/27 interviews he brushed off any notion of the emotional burden it was placing on him, for example, even though it would have been understandable had he admitted it.

What stands out to me in all of this is how powerfully he is distancing himself from his idol image and showing a mature, serious, in many ways ordinary person. How boldly he is reminding the audience that there is more to him than meets the eye.

Some might read that as cynical and jaded - the star who is playing the game by performing a role that's separate from himself. I read it as the opposite. I read it as self-actualizing and self-preserving. He doesn't believe his own hype. He is just doing a job, working for this persona, while maintaining his own integrity and independence despite all the pressure to perform and be perfect.

The mountain was such a powerful image. Climbing the mountain as a child and seeing it as this nearly insurmountable ordeal, and then later as an adult feeling like he can take a couple of long strides and be at the top. It is such a metaphor for his career and his success. And that speaks of a certain amount of demystification and disillusionment surrounding his dreams.

It was reminiscent of the line, "Though his dreams have lost some grandeur coming true" from The Circle Game by Joni Mitchell.

Certain jobs, when taken on, become something completely different from what we thought we signed up for.

I have often been asked why I don't open a restaurant. I always jokingly give them this very earnest and serious answer, "Because I like to cook."

If I were to open a restaurant, food would be among the least of my concerns every day. I would have to deal with marketing, I would have to deal with staff and the day-to-day running of the facility, supplies, vendor relationships, finances and management. Food would be very low on the list of things I'd have time to concern myself with.

I feel like the same has happened for GG. He thought he was becoming a singer or an actor, when it turns out he was becoming a celebrity instead. Those are totally different jobs, with totally different demands, activities and limitations.

He enjoys taking on new roles and learning new things and expanding on his skills and working on interesting projects. I doubt very much that he enjoys managing a persona, or navigating fan expectations, or addressing yet another fan-created scandal. I doubt very much he enjoys being held to the standards the top traffic star position puts him under. I doubt he enjoys the restrictions it places on his career or on his personal life.

I doubt he enjoys the limitations on what he is able to show of himself in that job.

Having the kind of job where you have to hang up your personality at the door like an overcoat every day when you walk in - that's a lonely, lonely world to be in. Soul-destroying.

I have long felt that this situation isn't sustainable for GG over the long term. I have wondered what he will do to shift things into a more comfortable, more stable existence for himself. I feel like this article gives me some ideas about that. And it is a relief to read because I get the sense that he is fully aware of that problem, and working to address it for himself so that he can continue doing what he most enjoys - acting and performing.

We have all had these theories - I'm sure most of us have, anyway - that he is trying to shed the idol image, the 'traffic star' image at least to some degree so that he can be accepted as a serious actor with a serious career.

This is a common career path for idols who want to stay in the industry past their idol shelf life. But it's one thing to believe GG might be working on that, and another to feel like I can see him taking brave steps in that direction.

Some surprises, some not

There were some things that surprise me from this interview, and some things that I was not surprised by.

One thing that really stood out to me is how much his real personality shines through. The smart, witty, intense GG we've all seen in The Untamed BTS and in some of his XNINE activities. It was a surprise. I guess I was expecting to see the persona GG - not the real GG. It was so good to see him that I nearly got choked up.

This is the GG that is very no bullshit; blunt and honest. This was the GG who outed DD for using his own meme pictures or for sending him too many selfies. This is the GG who firmly stated he wanted the het scenes deleted. The GG who was very forthright, clever and affectionately prickly with his XNINE brothers.

GG has said in the past that he is not as sweet and sentimental as his fans think he is, that behind the scenes he can actually be ruthless and demanding. This is the GG we've caught glimpses of and that he is talking about in that statement. The real, unvarnished GG.

I didn't dare hope that he would be so candid. He is usually so image-conscious. Not 'fake' by any means, but conscious of how he is coming across and careful not to offend. But in this article he has brought himself unapologetically to the forefront and for that I love and applaud him.

Another surprise for me was when he was talking about how he handles his inner struggles. I was surprised when he said that he doesn't like to talk through his problems. I had always assumed that - as a very authentic, emotionally intelligent, compassionate, personable person - he would be the kind of guy who would reach out to others during times of need.

Instead he said that he doesn't like to talk about his issues. He had such clear and rational explanations for why that even though I can't relate to his approach, I can understand it. This approach can be interpreted as self-contained, self-sufficient and pragmatic. 'If it can be fixed, fix it. If it can't, set it aside. No point talking about it.'

There's something very Zen about letting go of what you can't immediately change, rather than dwelling on it or digging into ruminations about it.

I also found his rationale for avoiding other people's confidences interesting. He 'doesn't want to be a suspect', he 'doesn't want to be burdened by other people's secrets'. I can definitely see how his approach could prevent people from getting caught up in each other's drama, and his mindset reflects healthy boundaries that can help preserve friendships.

I can see GG's characteristic cautious self-protectiveness in this approach. He's smart, strategic and - based on many things he's said in this interview - quite introverted. This approach serves all those aspects of his personality.

There's that old saying, "loose lips sink ships" and that is especially true for someone so much in the public eye. It's good that he has the sense to keep his mouth shut about personal things.

There is wisdom to that approach. It reminds me of the old nursery rhyme about the owl:

A wise old owl sat in an oak, The more he heard, the less he spoke; The less he spoke, the more he heard; Why can't we be more like that wise old bird?

Having said all that, I don't personally share the same view or the same approach in my own life. I am very much someone who likes to talk things through, and who likes to be a listening ear and a support to others as well.

I think there is a lot to be said for the way this type of communication can deepen relationships, help people better understand each other and become more bonded. Sharing burdens, sharing feelings, sharing confidences. It's riskier but the rewards can be significant.

A lot of the biggest problems in the world come from lack of communication or from crossed wires. Talking with others face to face is a great way to clear up confusion and help people stay connected and bonded.

Being the sort of person people can confide in and who talks about things that are on my mind - this really enriches my life. Although I feel like GG has done a great job of making his approach make sense to me, and even seem appealing in ways.

I want to caution people from over-interpreting these statements from him to assuming GG is uncommunicative with DD. As someone who lives with a partner who is exactly like GG when it comes to 'talking about things', I think it's highly likely that GG has a different approach with those few people who are closest to him. There's a pretty big difference between being emotionally and socially open with friends and colleagues, and being emotional and intimate with a partner.

An ordinary boy

The article focuses a lot on his childhood and some of the nostalgia and memories of his past. It's so interesting and illuminating to read about where he came from, and about the parts of that ordinary boy that survived through to adulthood. The geography of the city and the buildings are used as a metaphor for the changes in his life.

He started out in the factory district, in low grey concrete buildings full of vibrancy and activity, passed through a rainy uphill commute and ended up among shining glass skyscrapers. What a journey he has been on, and he's only 31 years old!

The fact that he's been able to maintain his integrity and authenticity and avoid being devoured by the persona - that's such a testament to his character. He really is the whole package. Smart, strong, determined, sweet, compassionate, ruthless, creative, introspective, pragmatic, down-to-earth, cautious. I have always appreciated his breadth as a person. He is very multi-dimensional.

I've talked about that a bit in the past. It's part of why I feel so frustrated sometimes when fans have really shallow, superficial, fan-fictiony takes on his personality. The sweet, soft-hearted aesthete. The tragic beleaguered victim. The playful, cute, dorky romantic. The sexy, saucy, light-hearted, effeminate artist.

None of these takes can even scratch the surface of who he really is. The more I know about him the less I think I know, but I at least know one thing: he's so much more than fans give him credit for.

Florist GG AU

I wasn't remotely surprised to hear that he sometimes thinks of quitting. Even fans sometimes daydream about him quitting. Getting his life back, getting his freedom back. Living a quieter life. Surely there are many times when he is reminded of everything he is sacrificing to do what he does. Times when it feels like too high a price to pay.

But reading this article, I can honestly say that I feel he is up to the task he's taken on. He really does know who he is and what he wants, and he has all of the integrity, emotional and psychological strength to make the most of this career.

My hope that he will start to shed some of the toxic traffic fans and build a stronger, more enduring, more rational fanbase. That he will begin to break free of the shackles of stratospheric popularity and settle into a more stable, satisfying career as a respected actor.

AND SINGER. PLEASE GG! 🥹

It was such a great article, and I feel like I got a glimpse of something new about him that I did not know, which is so rare. I feel like I've been gifted more insight into him, and I have so much gratitude for his willingness to share that with us all.

Regarding candy

A few people wrote me in a big panic over 'what this article meant' for GG and DD's relationship. They had worked themselves up into a state where they felt that if GG and DD were in a relationship, GG wouldn't have said or felt the things he did in the article.

Glass-hearted turtles will need to transform themselves into tortoise-shelled turtles, or they will not survive this fandom. And frankly, those kinds of takes on things sometimes reflect a lack of life experience or realistic understanding of GG and DD as ordinary humans in a relationship.

Some turtles seem to view everything from or about GG and DD as either proof that they're a couple, or proof they are not, with no neutral content and no in betweens. In short, they look at everything GG and DD-related to see what kind of candy it is. And the thing they need to get through their heads is

👉🏻 almost nothing from or about GG or DD will actually be a candy. 👈🏻

Anyone who has ever been in a serious long term relationship knows, there's actually very little about our day-to-day lives that revolves around our partner. My interests and hobbies, most of my social interactions, certainly everything about my work has absolutely nothing to do with my partner. He almost never comes up as a topic or factor in any of it.

And yet we are happily married, and have been for a long time.

As I am frequently saying, GG and DD are individuals first, a couple second. We need to love and respect them in that same order.

This article is about GG and his career. It's an important article about his inner life experience as a celebrity. It has absolutely nothing to do with DD. I find it baffling why anyone would expect it to.

If you are looking for candy, most of the time you will find no candy. If that causes you pain, you are in the wrong fandom. GG and DD aren't here to give us candy. They aren't here to prove anything. Nor should we be. They don't owe us anything. Certainly not 'proof of life' in their relationship.

If you read that article and didn't get that message, then you missed the entire point of the article. GG was saying to everyone, "I'm not just what people think they see, I'm not just what people expect or what they want me to be, underneath I'm a real human being."

Turtles who remember that, and who are able to love GG and DD as individuals, will be longer-lived and happier.

GG and DD's relationship is for and about them. It exists for each other, not for us. I've no doubt they appreciate the love and support turtles give them, but it's not their job to feed us. It's not their job to be trained ponies prancing around for our amusement. They don't owe us anything. Certainly not any candy about their relationship.

More on fan expectations and black-and-white thinking here.

#ggdd interviews #king gg #personal #fandom reflections #solos belong to moling su sect

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rmd-writes · 1 month

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Hi!! I always love what you write, so I'm very excited to see whatever this secret project is! But for now I do have a question about beta reading. How did you break into it? For a long time I have thought that I would enjoy doing that for different people, and I like that kind of fine-tooth comb editing work. But I am not a writer myself, just an avid fic enjoyer, so it feels like I can't quite bring as much to the table or meet other authors in a mutual kind of way. And I would never want to imply that an author needed that extra help or anything like that by just cold reaching out to them. Sorry that so much about me haha, I'm not necessarily looking for any advice (though if you had any I would certainly take it) but I am curious about how you got into it and what your experience has been like! Thank you!!

Hi nonnie! Thanks for the ask!

Can I just say to start with, that as an avid fic enjoyer, you absolutely can meet writers and other creators in a mutual way! Everyone has a place in fandom and something to contribute. It would be a very lonely world for creators if people weren't there to enjoy what we make (and hopefully tell us what they're liking those things). Personally, I appreciate readers so much and I especially love seeing regular names pop up in my inbox 💖💖

As for how I got into beta reading, it started back when a pal in Schitt's Creek fandom was writing a fic and worried that she was going to lose motivation to write it so I offered to sit in the doc and cheer her on. Please note that my motivation for doing so was entirely selfish because it meant that I had early access to the fic that I desperately wanted her to keep writing 😅 that eventually turned into me beta reading that fic (and all of her fics after that) for her.

I started beta reading more frequently in RWRB - I'd signed up as a beta reader for an event, but around the same time I also got to know other writers via a discord server. Sometimes people would ask for beta readers and I'd volunteer - I'm still a tiny bit dirty that @three-drink-amy snagged the beta rights to bleedingballroomfloor's baseball boyfriends fic right out from under my nose even though she is far better qualified than I to beta read a baseball fic - so much so that she helped me with the baseball scenes in my rwrb lawyer au lol (please know that I love them both dearly, there is no internet beef here).

You say that you don't want to reach out to writers and imply that they need assistance, but honestly, sliding into people's DMs and letting them know that either I'm very interested in X fic that they're writing and would they like someone to beta read it or that I'm available in general to help if they want it because I love their writing is how I've ended up beta reading for almost all of the writers I do that for!! People are generally just thankful to know that someone is interested in their writing! It can be a lonely hobby sometimes and having someone to live in your docs or send snippets to can help balance the need for wanting to talk about your fics with someone or bounce ideas off someone and wanting to keep what you're working on under wraps.

God, this is getting really long, I'm so sorry. I've been rambling and I'm not even sure that I answered your question.

You asked what my experience has been like and for the most part, it's been very positive! I get early access to fics (I often say that my favourite way to read a fic is in google docs 😂), I get to cheer my friends on and sometimes they even trust me enough to let me throw ideas at them and write them into their stories - sometimes I even get to do this without actually doing any editing and that's just as fun. I love beta reading, I think there's something really special about being trusted with the draft of someone's writing and getting to help make it the best that it can be (what that involves looks different for every writer I work with). 💖

And all of that doesn't even touch on how much I learn from the writers I've worked with - it's definitely helped me improve my own writing!

#rmd answers #beta reading

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hillerskalibrary · 8 months

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Event poll results!

(summary version)

So last week I opened a poll to check what kind of YR fandom events you guys wanted to see and the respondents were... how shall I put it... "very excited" is most applicable I think? ;)

Because I'm a nerd who likes to analyze the results but also doesn't want to chase her entire following away, I'm going to make two result posts:

This post, where I will summarize the results as succint as I can, and address some of the remarks and suggestions that I received. I'll also make a conclusion on what I would suggest to do - feedback on that is certainly welcome!

A second post (which I'll link when I finish it, most likely tomorrow or even after cause I'm slow as fuck) with some more graphs, percentages, observations, cause I don't know shit about statistics but that won't stop me from having fun with it!

Fair warning - it's pretty long. I just find it easier to explain a little about the decisions I'm (not) taking, both to invite discussion and because I don't want this to be a black box blog that does whatever and you never know why. That being said...

Ready? Let's go!

RESULTS

I received 72 responses, 36 writers and 36 readers.

The top 3 most wanted events by READERS is: Big Bang (89%), Theme Week (86%), and Weekly Challenges (83%). The event they were least excited about is Author Interviews (56%).

The top 3 events writers most want to PARTICIPATE in is, in order: Author Interviews (69%), Theme Week (64%), and Fic Exchange (61%). The events they DO NOT want to participate in are Author Interviews (25%), very closely followed by Big Bang and Advent (both 22%).

READERS were (very) slightly more excited about a Wilmon theme week rather than a general YR week. WRITERS clearly preferred a general YR week. For both groups, a YR women week comes in third, and rarepair week is fourth.

All types of weekly writing challenges suggested scored similarly.

(I know some of these seem contradictory, which I why I'll make the second post explaining how I calculated these rankings and why -for example- Author Interviews are both the most AND the least popular event for writers ;) )

SUGGESTIONS

A lot of people wrote in suggestions, which I was SUPER happy about (I closed the form now but if you have any more, please just hit my inbox or DM me at @hilliska). A few people also offered to help, which I'm definitely gonna hold you to when decisions are starting to get made! ;)

Many people were excited about possible collabs between writers and artists.

"What about a "finish your draft/wip" or "write a new chapter on a wip". I have so many languishing WIPs…" I think this is an EXCELLENT idea tbh - though we could incorporate it in the big bang by allowing wips as well. Also, as an FYI, there is also a (non-fandom-specific) Finish Your Shit-Big Bang that takes place every year (though this year's round is close to posting already) ;).

"I’d also love to see more Podfic in this fandom, but I don’t know how that could be an event." I have zero experience with podfic but this does sound (ha!) like it could be fun. Maybe someone has experience with this from a different fandom? (honestly I'd love to experiment with this so hmu)

"Authors sign up to take one shot requests or readers get to write a prompt. Or if readers could submit or vote on prompts or something? Or readers submit a song and author writes a one shot based on a song. Something like that where readers can be involved too :)" We could also easily incoporate this in a big bang - do a prompt bang or a reverse bang (fic based on art) for example? Or maybe involve readers in the weekly challenges, by suggesting tropes/words/... ?

"Write a comment on a fic-week!" Yessss!!!! I am like... 95% sure there is a tumblr-wide event for this already but I can't for the life of me find it. So I could signal boost that or yeah, we could just pin a day ourselves :).

"Group chat/watch" I'm afraid I'm not the right person to organize this kind of thing, but if you've been thinking of doing this and you were afraid no one would be interested - this is your sign!! ;)

"live writing event" Same as above - though I do think there's some discords where this happens already?

"Some sort of collab, where authors get to write a fic together." This could definitely be fun! There is currently one that originated on Twitter called Unlabeled - I don't know all the writers but I recognize at least @yourdemiurge, @skydragon05, @1-life-to-give, and @in-amor-veritas. Which obviously doesn't help if you're a writer wanting to collab, but at least there's people with experience in this fandom ;).

"Maybe a poetry week?" I don't even write poetry but I'm obsessed with this suggestion. Could also be a writing challenge? Not sure about a whole week either, but there's World Poetry Day in March so maybe that can be a mini-event?

"Something not fic centered? Like fanart, edits, cosplay etc." This is one of those things that I'm throwing out there for other people to run with, maybe, because. Well, I'm a writer and I know fic, but I really don't know much about the rest... Which is not to say I don't want to (help) run anything like this because it definitely could be fun, but it's a little out of my wheelhouse. But maybe @youngroyalsfanartarchive can help or knows people who would?

And now what??

Consider the below not as a definitive list but as a stream-of-consciousness conversation starters, so don't hesitate to send me your thoughts.

I will definitely do a Big Bang. Prompt-based or art-based or wip-based or something else remains to be decided, but this will happen. It will not happen NOW, however, because we don't know when season 3 will air. Big Bangs are big events, they ask a lot from writers, and if the s3 premiers at any time between signups and publications, it's going to make everything more difficult. But there was sufficient interest by writers to participate, so once we got a s3 date I want to put a timeline on this.

I'm talking with people about a possible YR women's week. The general/Wilmon week scored higher in the polls, but since we already had that in spring I'd like to switch it up a little.

I would like to do *something* for the anniversary of s2. Don't want to go regular theme week for this because of the above possibility, but maybe the not-fic-centered event could be good for this - we could do favorite episode/favorite non-wilmon character/... which are things that non-content-creators can also participate in by writing a short paragraph, reblogging gifsets/art of that episode/character, ... "Finish your wip" would also be a good one for this though :)

The people behind the 2023 Secret Santa will not organize one this year, but I don't really want to jump in that, necessarily, because there's enough other possibilities and they might be back. But a Valentine fic exchange could maybe work?

The advent calendar idea drew mixed reactions (maybe because it's less well known?) and while I do think it could be fun, there's enough other things that people are excited about, so I'm putting it in the freezer for now.

The weekly challenges also drew mixed reactions - both readers and writers were excited to see them happen, but only a third of writers said they would definitely/probably participate. Then again, half of them said they would POSSIBLY participate. Maybe because it's an ongoing thing, so they don't want to promise they'd participate EACH WEEK but only sometimes? So I'm not sure about this (also because it would significantly up the time required to maintain the blog). So I'd love more feedback on this to see which shape or form you guys would like this to take.

Fic recs scored solidly in the middle of the possibilities for both reader and writers. I wanted to include it because I was curious, but I'm a little hesitant to really do something with it, mostly because it often ends up being a popularity contest and. Well. We already know how to sort by kudos/comments on AO3. So I'm curious to hear other people's experiences on how to maybe circumvent that.

The Author Interviews were the most contested event - even (or rather *especially* among writers (and I secretly think it's hilarious the most wanted event by writers is the one that doesn't require them to write at all :D). I do think it could be fun (though I admit this is a format mostly geared towards writers) to help other writers to find other people to collaborate with, find betas, learn about different writing processes, ... And a self-rec feature would allow for fic recs without the popularity factor. So I'll most likely run this as a (bi-)weekly feature alongside the other events.

#young royals #library managment #this took me way too long jc #I promise there will be graphs but it'll be later. okay? ;)#and again this is a conversation starter #please let me know what you think

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arabaka · 4 months

Text

₊˚ʚ ☁️ ₊˚ ♡ ﾟ. content warnings ⤸ sfw. serizawa katsuya x afab!reader. 1.6 words. while i don't mind ageless/minors interacting with my sfw posts, do NOT follow if you do not have your age in bio.

₊˚ʚ ☁️ ₊˚ ♡ ﾟ. author's note ⤸ wowie this has been in my drafts for a thousand years so i thought, why not post <3 i do have a chapter 2 of sorts, just need to polish it up! thank you for reading <3

He never used to do this…

Play video games online, that is.

Serizawa Katsuya had long preferred games of the retro persuasion; they were a familiar comfort, much like a security blanket. For so long, he’d only known a controller with a single stick and two buttons and that had been enough for him. It still is, most days. But that all changed when he found a new reason to turn to his desktop computer, the one he saved up every 1-yen coin for from his job working for Reigen.

But it wasn’t the graphics of new age games that kept him coming back. It wasn’t the carousel of variety that got his chair rolling and his PC buzzing. No, it was never something– it was someone.

Now he knows your name but your username used to come first. It was how Serizawa met you after all, when he was still a complete and total noob to the pixel MMORPG you’ve frequented since day one.

And like most things, your friendship with Serizawa happened by chance. You were helping a buddy out, shepherding them if you will because after all, they were trying the game out because of your incessant begging and pleading. You needed another person in your group after all, a certain raid requirement wouldn’t let you participate otherwise and you’d much rather go in with a group of friends than some randos that might steal all your loot in the end.

Serizawa just happened to be in your party when playing as a duo through the tutorial. After you tore down the first boss, an aquamarine monster made of slimy goo, Serizawa had typed an innocuous question in the main chat.

『 How do I equip the armor? 』

And you weren’t about to ignore the help of someone trying the game out for the first time. So what started as casual advice turned into a friend request popping in your inbox… Then spontaneous meet-ups…

『 Hey Gyudon-san! Are you going to be playing for long? 』

『 Hello! Yes, I have an hour. 』

『 Want to play together? 』

『 Yes! Thank you! 』

Turned into repeat plans…

『 Gyudon! I have a day off tomorrow, want to play? 』

『 Yes! That would be fun. I have night school but we can play after. 』

『 How are your studies going? Don’t play if you have a lot of work! Education comes first :p 』

『 No, not a lot. I want to play with you! 』

Which then led to chatting outside the game…

『 Gyudon-san, do you use LINE? 』

『 Yes, but mostly for schoolwork... 』

『 We should add each other! 』

『 Okay! 』

… And that’s when you learn his name for the first time. Serizawa Katsuya. The discoveries wouldn’t stop there; with the game no longer a crutch for communication, your conversations became a staple for having a good day. Good morning texts, good night texts. You messaged him when you saw something that reminded you of him, things that went beyond your shared interest in video games. He was so kind, you could feel his warmth over the phone even from simple messages; you have so many of them saved because sometimes, you need a pick me up from the man in particular. When you are on your phone with a smile that makes the apples of your cheeks glow, more often than not it’s because of him.

“You so like him.” One of your friends tells you one day over a bowl of ramen and they just know that it isn’t the steam rising from the broth that’s making your face clammy all of a sudden.

“He’s just– He’s a really good guy! Can’t I have friends?” You remark, stuffing your face with noodles and slurping loud enough to hopefully drown out the teasing that would soon follow. But you know they’re right. Who else do you think of when the lights are off and you’re left to ruminate in your bed, the mattress seeming larger and emptier as the days go by? Who else are you always looking forward to calling, even though phone calls aren’t really your thing? How many times have you looked up train tickets and times for Seasoning City, only to click back with your heart thumping in your eardrums?

“Don’t you want something more?” The words bounce off the walls in your head long after you say goodbye to your friend.

Don’t you want something more?

You can practically see the words when you close your eyes as you try to go to sleep but it’s deep into the night already and you’ve been tossing and turning for hours now. You stuff a groan into a pillow, cramming your face in the plush to silence the sounds even though you live alone. You groan because… you do want something more.

But does he?

You don’t know if you can live like this. Pining is one thing, something you’ve apparently been doing all this time (and you’ve known, god you’ve known but coming to stare it blank in the face is making your heart stutter at a pace that makes your chest cavity feel like it’s going to break at the seams if you’re not careful) but living in a shadow of doubt makes you feel even worse.

“So that’s it,” You grumble into the pillow, “I gotta do it.” The pillow wilts in your arms from all the tight squeezing, the sheet blotted with a few drops of frustration straight from your scrunched up eyes. You grab your phone– no, you’re not doing it now but you figure, since you’re already going down this path, you might as well soothe yourself by rereading some of his messages from earlier.

Only, when you go into your chat history with Serizawa, you see three little dots greeting you from the dimmed screen.

🗨 I can’t sleep… I hope you’re resting well.

Your thumb jitters on the screen, your last swallow lodged in your throat as you read the message.

🗨 Same here.

That’s it? That’s all you can come up with? You don’t want the conversation to die here so you’re flipping through conversation notecards in your brain, chiding yourself for not having anything to say when suddenly, you get another message.

🗨 Would you like to talk on the phone?

You say yes. Your stomach bounces, fraught with nerves, but you say yes. And when you answer, you don’t see the face of your phone until hours later when the sun’s already come up and a new day’s begun.

“I didn’t realize what time it was… Sorry…” Serizawa sheepishly apologies and you swear you hear him stifle a yawn at the tailend of his words. Cute.

“No, no– it’s okay! Talking with you always makes my day… Night. Day and night?” You stumble over your words but it seems to charm him nonetheless, Serizawa’s soft laughter a gift to your ears. You wish you could hear it in person.

“I– I feel the same.” He briskly coughs, almost like he’s working himself up to something, “I– I was going to ask you… My last week of school is coming up. My friends want to have dinner and I– I was wondering if–”

Your shirt wrinkles in your balled up fist, trying as you might to still the beating of your heart but failing.

“If you would like to come? Y-You don’t have to, of course!”

“I’d love to!” You blurt out, incapable of keeping your lips in an airtight seal for any longer. “J-Just tell me the date!”

And he does– it’s in two weeks, which feels like so much time and not enough all at once. You put him on speakerphone, smiling all the while as he scrambles for the right words; is he as worked up about this as you are? You’re already on the shuttle website, looking at the price of tickets, debating on buying them early just because you can.

“... It’s going to be a lot of fun, you’ll like my friends,” Serizawa’s voice drifts back to focus, “and I’ve… Told them about you too.” He’s blushing, glad that you can’t see the red painted across his cheeks.

Your grip wobbles, phone nearly falling on your face when you gasp, “You have?!”

“A-Ah, should I not–”

“No, no! I’m – I’m happy you have! I’ve talked about you to my friends too… Besides the ones we play with…” How is it already 7 AM? “Hey, you don’t have to go to work or anything do you?”

You hear him yelp, “I-I do! I have work! I gotta go! Sorry!”

How can somebody sound cute even when they’re panicked? How smitten with this man are you? “Go, go, go! Talk to you later, Serizawa-kun!”

The phone line ends. You wish it didn’t. You already miss him. You blink, your retinas burning from the lack of sleep, your lids suddenly so heavy you can’t help but… Close them for just a little bit…

And when you wake up – is that really the time? – you’re greeted with a flurry of notifications but the only one you really care about is the message from Serizawa.

🗨 Very tired at work but I am glad we got to talk. I hope we can do it again sometime.

Sometime would end up being an understatement. You go a day, tops two without talking over the phone, the next few times coupled with alerts that remind you to GO TO SLEEP because otherwise… You’ll end up repeating a sleepless night and as cute as Serizawa’s eye bags were (he’d sent you a selfie for the first time that week, which you stared at for an amount of time you are still too embarrassed to utter aloud), you weren’t about to make them worse… Though you were tempted.

And so was he.

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sincerely-sofie · 16 days

Note

still cant get over travailshipping. i remember when you first tested the waters with it (which i believe was some time before the tpiag chapters started coming out?) and at first i thought it was pretty funny. ark slowly but surely falling headfirst for twig, who if she had a tagline it would be "if i could turn my feelings into weapons, mine would be a goddamn nuclear bomb", and her at first just being oblivious to it and thinking that the letters that expressed love and care that were written in cursive in her mailbox were just funny and she wanted to show them to ark with the guy just looking at her with the most "well that backfired in the weirdest way possible". but when tpiag finally ended i finally connected the dots as to why these two are just. augh. i wont go into detail here in your askbox but i wanna know is: HOW DID YOU DO IT. HOW DO YOU KEEP MAKING SUCH GOOD IDEAS FOR THE FUNNY DIGITAL ANIMALS. TELL ME.

(thinking to myself) "Ugh I should stop posting so much travailshipping stuff... It's probably so annoying to everyone who sees it. I feel bad for my poor followers. I'll check my inbox real quick and then commit to shaking up my content by—" *gets obliterated by your niceness*

Oh man. I remember posting that poll where I hesitantly described a possible Darkrai/Twig pairing in the tags while proposing Twig/Kip as an alternative route, despite it not being the direction I wanted to take the characters, because I was so scared of what people’s reactions might be. If I remember right, I posted it a little bit before I had just barely reached 5k words in the first draft of TPiaG.

I've been trying to write up detailed responses to how I come up with good ideas for travailshipping in particular, but there's one rule I use that defines everything after it and speaks for all of them: I have fun with the characters.

That's it. That's the rule. If I don't want to write a subject, I don't. I stick with what I find enjoyable and resonant. Does a joke make me laugh? Does a scene make me cry? Does a villain make me punch a hole in my wall? Does a cute gesture make me squeal? If so, then into the project it goes. I think people can feel when someone is having fun with their work, and that fun radiates out into their own experience consuming that work. It's like laughter— joy is something we're sharing with others as long as we feel it. Fun is contagious.

Also: when you don't force yourself to make things you hate, you attract people who like the same things as you. These people will find your work even more fun— because not only did you have fun making it, they're having double fun consuming it.

An important tangent I'll go off on is that I think that every creative project idea is a good idea. There's so many beloved bizarro ideas in the world, even the ones who try to be cool about how weird their premises are. There's this weird show where the main character works as a service industry worker in an underwater setting that's ruled by a Roman deity— he lives in a piece of fruit, and his pet gastropod makes cat noises. This show sounds like word salad garbage on paper and could be tossed out for its nonsensical nature, and yet SpongeBob SquarePants has made Nickelodeon over $13 billion dollars and is a treasured part of many childhoods. There's also a character who spends his time locked in intellectual and physical combat with a wannabe clown and wears a costume with bat ears while doing it. Batman's been an icon for over 80 years.

All of this is to say:

Ideas are always good ideas by virtue of existing. They don't derive their goodness from external sources. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Make more of what you love. Don't make things you hate making.

If you have fun while making the thing, people will have fun while they consume the thing's content.

I hope this makes sense. I didn't touch on idea generation as much as embracing existing ideas. Fingers crossed that was the right response. I'd just woken up from a nap as I was writing it, so hopefully it's not too meandering and managed to answer the question and—

— Oh shoot. Was that a hypothetical question??? Uh. Sorry if I went off on this rant when you were just trying to voice your niceness. Oops. 🫥

#also: feel free to go into detail in my inbox 👀#i am always happy to hear people's thoughts on my blorbos #creativity tip #creativity advice #writing tip #writing #creativity tips #swear warning #creativity tips with sofie #(kinda)#sofie answers asks

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apprenticestanheight · 10 days

Note

hi!! i have a request :) would it be okay if you wrote a specs x transmasc reader where the reader gets specs to help him with a testosterone shot?? its totally okay if no tho!! have a good day :)

T - specs x transmasc! reader

hi nonnie!! I'm sorry this took a while--this one has been sitting in my drafts for a good few weeks now and I've had it written for just as long. My object permanence is the absolute fuckin' worst, however, and I, admittedly, forgot to edit this before today because of getting distracted by other projects and also getting so anxious I physically could not will myself to get out of bed multiple days in a row since you sent this one into my inbox.

HOWEVER, I did get my shit together today (started on medication for adhd because I told my dr I thought I had it and we're testing it out to see if it works for me to help with those symptoms + anxiety management wot wot) and so, here this is!! I am, once again, sorry for the delay, and I promise if you send another request in I will do my best to do it that week.

fic type - this is fluffy!!

warnings - there are mentions of needles in this

In the five years since you'd come out and the five and a half since you and Specs had started dating, you'd only asked him to help you with your weekly testosterone shot maybe twice in the three and a half years since you'd finally gotten through all of the necessary hoops and had been able to start taking it.

Normally, you could do it yourself without a hitch, sometimes a little squeamish at the sight of the needle, but that Friday you'd asked him to help because he did it a bit quicker than you did--even if by just a solid second or two--while the two of you were on a time crunch in a rush to meet Elise and Tucker. Also, somewhat, as a way to squeeze a bit more time with him out of your day because you had to work an eight hour shift from 3-11, and when you got home he'd either be reading a comic while half asleep or asleep on your side of the bed in your absence.

He agrees to your ask without questioning it, getting the shot ready while you talk to him about how work has been because you've worked a string of evening shifts for the past three weeks and have been too drained to talk about it the next day. He happily listens, occasionally commenting where it's appropriate to make a remark or agree with an opinion you hold about a coworker, though he also acknowledges that he only has your bias to base an opinion on and not his own.

"Thank you for this, by the way," you murmur as you're standing up to pull your pants down to your thighs. "I know I could've done it myself, but I've missed you a lot lately and wanted to squeeze in an extra few minutes."

That remark brings out a soft smile from Specs, given to you as you're sitting back down. A second later, you can see the debate as to whether or not he wants to give you a forehead kiss occur in his expressions before he pauses, presses a quick but somewhat lingering kiss to your forehead, one of his hands reaching up to cup your cheek.

"I've missed you too, for what it's worth," Specs says. "Elise has kept us busy with her clients and Tucker and I have kept ourselves busy with Spectral Sightings stuff, but we've not seen much of each other lately and it's been hard."

You've missed him so terribly that it hurts, and there have been multiple points in the lulls of your evening shifts wherein you've been tempted to just pick up the phone and call him. You haven't for fear of being judged and seeming co-dependent, but you're at a point where you don't care how co-dependent it makes you seem. You're allowed to miss him when you're working evenings and don't get much of a chance to see him except for in your easier mornings.

You're nodding your agreement with his sentiments as he finishes getting your shot ready. You watch the needle go in, unblinking and relatively unphased, grabbing a "fun" Band-Aid--one shaped like a ghost, one of many from a Band-Aid kit gifted to you by Tucker for your birthday that year--to place over it as the slight pain from the injection settles and the needle is removed.

You pull your pants back up and rake your hands through your hair as Specs discards the needle properly, ever the one to be cautious about how your injection needles are handled, and you're thanking him as you put your testosterone away as it's meant to be stored.

He does a bit of idle cleaning while you finish getting ready, and you wind up stealing one of his button downs to wear over a black shirt. You kiss his cheekbone as he tosses you your keys, and the two of you leave your shared house hand in hand, so full of contentment that you already know how happy you seem is bound to make Tucker fake a gag while he smiles.

#specs fisher insidious #insidious (2010)#insidious #specs fisher x reader #specs fisher x male reader #specs fisher x transmasc! reader #specs fisher

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unrequitedloveletter · 10 months

Note

Hi!! Wylan x reader who’s an inventor of sorts & just made a camera for the sole purpose of taking a picture of him <3 👾

Wylan x male! inventor! reader headcanons

hi!! Thank you for sending in the requests that you have and I'm sorry that they've taken so long to come out! I will say that tumblr has been very glitchy on my end lately and I've been losing requests and not seeing them for a bit--or ever again, some of them have been missing from my inbox for a couple weeks now--so if there's anything of yours I've missed that you can recall that you really wanted me to write please don't hesitate to just plop the idea into my inbox! If I end up deciding to write it I'll put it into my drafts to ensure I don't lose it but if I decide not to, I'll let you know!

I went ahead and did this as headcanons, which I hope is all right!

Fic type- this is just fluff straight out the gate

Warnings- this was written and then posted almost immediately after it was done, so there's not much to speak of as far as editing is concerned

Okay, so!

Photos as a concept were something that was being discussed just generally around Ketterdam a lot

Mainly in circles of the stadwatch because if they could get photos they could have evidence through more than some very shoddy paintings, sketches, or word of mouth

and with a lot of effort, a level of planning by which even Kaz would be impressed, and a bit of practice in being startlingly quiet footed, you wormed your way into the rooms where those discussions were taking place because you had an idea of your own.

You took the words spoken by government officials and inventors under the Kerch Merchant Councils employ and went home. You drew up a plan that was completely different to the sketches you'd seen while you observed from a point high in the ceiling, the back of your head pressed against a wall as you willed yourself not to breathe too loud and to avoid being noticed

You developed the first camera that Ketterdam had ever seen across the weeks to follow, something different to the sketches you'd seen from afar while you listened to the government drone on about how much of a benefit to society cameras would be while they were in the hands of the stadwatch

The ideas that the government were circulating all involved relatively clunky cameras, ones with tripods that came out the bottom and were exceptional only in stationary situations.

You developed a camera that you could take anywhere. It was lightweight, could fit between ones hands, and had the option of attaching a strap so that it could be carried while slung over ones neck.

The entire motivation behind the project made you feel a bit silly, but Inej found it to be rather romantic and Jesper thought you cheesy, as they were the only two you had told until the first prototype of the camera was complete.

They were your best friends, and they'd both happened to walk in on you planning out the invention at different points, ask what it was out of curiosity and receive your honest answer.

The entire reason you'd liked the idea of cameras was not for the gang related purposes most would've assumed had they known of it. You were not developing a portable camera to help Kaz and Inej gather intel for their schemes and their battles that would eventually have lead to a gang war.

You liked the idea of cameras because it meant you could take photos of Wylan, your boyfriend.

You could capture the moments where he looked so at peace while the two of you watched the sunset in the garden, the look of focus as he worked on an explosive, the sight of his head tilted back as he laughed.

You could capture all of the unforgettable moments that you were scared of forgetting anyway, seconds in time wherein you felt infinitely happy and needed something to remember that.

So, it was the first night you'd let yourself exist with the final product that Wylan finally discovered it.

He discovered it while he and Inej were laughing, glasses of wine in their hands when suddenly--

click!

Wylan glanced in your direction, where the sound had come from, found you yielding the camera with a grin on your face.

He would ask you how you got it and nod when Kaz observed that the government had unveiled prototypes that looked completely different at a discussion only open to those living in the merchants district.

You would shrug and tell him you invented things, and that you needed an excuse to get five steps ahead of government inventions anyway.

You were smarter than the lot of the government idiots combined and they wouldn't start shrinking camera sizes for a bit by your predictions, so you had time before a government official got wind of it all and approached you, offering to give you money in exchange for the patent and you said no.

You told Wylan the opposite of the truth in that moment, not wanting to get called a hopeless romantic or face any of Ninas teasing for the romantics right then and there.

You told him and the rest of them it was for intel gathering purposes and that it was the first prototype--Kaz would get the second, maybe the third, and he would get it for a price because you weren't going to sell one of them off for cheap.

Wylan knew you were lying but didn't push it.

Later that night, you told him the real reason you'd bothered to invent a camera that was so far ahead of the one that the Merchant Council was unveiling in fits and starts.

You'd done it because you didn't want to forget even the most unforgettable moments, and upon learning that, Wylan nearly melted.

He kissed you, and he told you he loved you, and he called you an absolute sap before he grabbed the camera and looked at the photo you'd taken.

He loved it. He'd never quite anticipated loving anything of that sort, but he looked genuinely happy in that split second, and knowing that you were the person behind the camera made him love the photo that much more.

In short, he loved you and he loved that you created a camera just to take photos of him and to not worry about forgetting the unforgettable moments you both lived through.

#wylan van eck #wylan van eck x reader #six of crows #shadow and bone #shadow and bone netflix

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rainebelowzero · 26 days

Text

I posted this on accident yesterday 😒

Sorry I haven't been that active, I just got a new job so I've been coming home and going straight to sleep, but I'm almost done with two of the last four requests in my inbox (which btw I'm so so sorry it's taking so long) so they should be posted soon

Also, this isn't nsfw, sorry 💔 but I really wanted to post something for Kurt's birthday and this has been sitting in my drafts for like two months so I figured I might as well post something

cws: none really?? there are references to sex, but nothing actually happens

“I'm back, Kurt!” You shout as you shut and lock the door to your apartment behind you. You don't get a response, which is unusual for someone like Kurt, who's usually constantly up your ass. Sounds of shuffling and grunting come from you and Kurt's bedroom, and you look in that direction with confusion before rolling your eyes.

He's probably jerking off again, who's surprised? You think, laying your jacket on the back of a chair. You walk over to the room, expecting to see him hunched over in his chair, but instead, you see him on the bed, tangled in the bed sheets and some kind of rope. His shirt was riding up a little bit, and you had to admit you did kind of just want to have your hands all over him.

One of his hands was tied at the wrist to the headboard, and the other at the elbow, his arm just sort of hanging down. It was really sloppily tied, but he was somehow still stuck. He somehow doesn't notice you, too focused on trying to get untied as you stand in the doorway, watching him struggle and being unable to hold back a laugh.

“What the fuck are you doing?” You ask him, amused. His eyes widened, even bigger than his puppy like eyes usually are. You can hear the gears turning in his head, trying to make up an excuse that wouldn't sound weird, but there was really no way he could think of anything.

“Uhh…I'm..I-I was just..waiting for you.” He says, clearly lying. You cover your mouth, trying not to laugh because you don't want to make him feel bad.

“Really? Is that why you're recording?”

Kurt's eyes darted to his phone, sitting propped up on the desk, facing him. He sighs, looking down.

“Fine, it was for a video. I know y- like, you told me to stop doing dumb stuff, but I- I thought it would get views.”

That left you more confused. “What- okay, you know what? I'm not gonna question whatever weird shit you look at on the internet, do you want help?” You ask, and getting a nod from Kurt, you walk over to the side of the bed and start pulling on the knots. He just stares up at you while you untie him like you're a god, just completely in awe of how hot you are to him.

“There you go.” You say. He doesn't say anything, just keeps staring at you as he sits up. “Uhhh. What?”

You look down and immediately realize what's happening as he tries to pull the bottom of his shirt down over his lap. He looks at you, silently begging. With a sigh, you put your hands on your hips.

"...fine, take your pants off." You say, and Kurt is very happy to oblige.

#kurt kunkle x male reader #kurt kunkle x reader #x male reader #x gn reader

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viviennevermillion · 2 years

Text

There was only one Mystery Shop

notes: I know I still have requests in my inbox but I drafted this up on a whim and now I wanted to finish it so have this little random story I thought of

contains: leona kingscholar x gn!reader, tsundere prince doesn't want to admit he has a huge crush on you

warnings: Leona is a bit rude because he doesn't know what to do with his feelings

In his endless cycle of trying to sleep and waiting to get back to sleep; trying to get the days over with, yet dreading the next one beginning; Leona was pretty sure he hated having people around him. Sure, they brought him amusement sometimes, but from the shallow crowds at the royal gatherings to the annoying herbivores at school; being around people did nothing for him except reminding him how lost he was. He was older than most of them, yet they all seemed to have their lives figured out way more than he ever had. Unsure where to go; feeling like nothing he'd do mattered as long as he had his brother overshadowing him; he chose not to go anywhere at all. Except for this fateful day after having taken a nap in class and waking up way after the lesson had ended. Leona's plan was to walk back to the hall of mirrors and go back to sleep in his bed at the dorm; if only heaven hadn't decided to open its floodgates straight onto the school grounds; the rain pouring in masses onto the earth; lightning threatening to strike and the thunder sounding pretty much like what was going on in Leona's brain whenever Cheka would call him. The lion beastman was barely able to see anything through the rain and he seemed to be the only person out in such a weather. Great.

So the meanwhile soaked second prince took refuge in the nearest building on campus: Mr. S' Mystery Shop. The wind chimes on the door made their annoying noises as Leona entered the small, surprisingly crammed shop. As expected, no one in their right mind except Sam, who owned the shop, was here at this time. No one but that damned herbivore.

Leona had been avoiding you ever since the overblot incident. He still cringed at the fact that he let you see him like this. So pathetic and vulnerable. Why did it even matter to him what you thought? He gritted his teeth and decided he would just ignore your presence as well as possible. Unlike him, you were completely dry, having been at the shop before the storm broke out in the first place. He hated the way you looked at him. It was the same way you looked at him after he came to his senses from his overblot state. Full of concern. Like he was some kind of weakling. And he hated the way it made him feel when you told him you were worried about him and how his heart fluttered when you brushed strands of his hair out of his face to check if he had any bruises on his head from the fight. He also hated the fact that he could have seriously hurt you.

No, Leona didn't even want to look at you right now, let alone talk to you. He didn't dare to let himself feel insecurity. Or guilt. Or worst of all, attachment.

Sam put a towel on the counter for Leona to dry his wet hair and face but you were faster. "Here let me help you", you started helping him dry his hair. "Don't you think I can do that myse-" Leona's protest was cut off when his brain short-circuited and you gently rubbed his ears with the towel. Shit. He needed this to stop. But at the same time he didn't want you to stop. He was glad you couldn't see or feel how much his face was heating up at your simple gesture and he was struggling to form a clear thought. Truth was, he loved it. He wished he could just lean against you and let you caress his ears, preferably with your fingers instead of the towel. He hated how his eyes wandered to your lips and he felt the urge to just kiss you, yet he was instantly reminded of his overblot and how he couldn't embarrass himself anymore than he already had. So for now he just let you continue, knowing you'd stop being this close to him any minute now.

"Did you just purr-" "Shut the fuck up herbivore", he snapped more aggressively than he intended to, which made you back off and hand him the towel back. You knew that in the past he had never minded you touching him. He'd only tease you and challenge you to try again. Yet ever since the overblot Leona had been way more cold and distant than typical for him.

"Sorry", you just mumbled and Leona instantly regretted lashing out like this. "That...came out a bit wrong, Crewel just has been pissing me off all day", Leona said casually. Your mood at least seemed to better thinking that his attitude wasn't because of you.

At first you spent some time silently looking around the shop, neither of you feeling particularly comfortable to say anything at the moment. Eventually Sam allowed you two to play with one of the chess sets he sold to pass the time. Leona found himself calming down more around you and he even explained to you how to improve your chess strategies. The storm cleared quickly enough and Leona just got up and was about to head for the door when you stopped him. "Listen, I noticed you've been way more distant ever since the overblot incident and if that's how you feel, I can understand but if you ever want to talk-"

"I don't want to talk to you about that. Not now. Not ever", he gave you a warning glare but his facial expression softened upon seeing you unsure and scanning his face for any evidence that he still wanted to be around you, "but I didn't mean to snap at you or be rude recently. That sucked. I'm sorry." That last part was almost a whisper because of how difficult it was for him to admit this.

He gave you a pat on the head. "How about we go into town and watch a movie sometime, hmm? As compensation for almost knocking you out back then. I'll pay." You stared at him for a moment. "Are- Are you asking me out?!", you asked, raising your eyebrows. Leona gave you his teasing smirk which you knew so well. "If you want it to be a date that desperately I guess we could arrange that." You smiled back at him and Leona could see the relief on your face, seeing him joke around again. "I'd like that", you nodded. Leona held his head as if having a headache. "I need a nap now", he mumbled and you chuckled.

"Leona?", you asked quietly. "Hmm?", he looked at you curiously as you struggled to look into his eyes. "Can I give you a hug?" Leona chuckled. "You're always so needy for affection", he complained but pulled you into his chest and held the back of your head with his hand, burying his face in your hair. "You're the one who purred", you dared to tease back. "We don't talk about that", he growled, squeezing you a little before letting go of you and waving you goodbye.

This day was exhausting, Leona mused. Yet he had to admit maybe some people were worth keeping around. He was tired of pushing you away when his thoughts were circling around the next time he'd see you and his heart was fluttering at the idea of your warm lips on his. Maybe just this once he could let you in....

#twisted wonderland #leona kingscholar x reader #leona kingscholar #leona x reader #leona kingscholar x you

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sugoi-writes · 2 days

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FUCK. I WROTE PART NINE AND HAD IT ALL READY TO GO AND THEN MY KID GOT HER HANDS ON MY PHONE AND CLOSED THE APP. THANK LUCIFER I HAD THE FIRST HALF SAVED AS A DRAFT BUT STILL. OTL sending this separate because I was paranoid she'd do it again and I would have to write the second part a third time 😭 also realizing I forgot to put my sig at the bottom of Pt.9

..... Annnnd of course, after pressing send I remember that I forgot to rewrite the part where reader chokes Alastor when they cum. just shoot me holy motherfucking shit

At some point I'mma just make these into a full blown PWP fic. It seems like they get longer with each installment 🤣 (I'm sorry btw, I always feel kinda bad whenever I leave long messages in anyone's inbox 😫

AYEEEE WELL YA KNOW WHAT THEY SAY - GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE!! 😘❤️‍🔥

It's a fitting pet name Hunny Pun! You're the queen of puns and you're so so SO sweet like a Honey Bun! is that icing or Alastor's jizz on you??? ... im so sorry i'll see myself out again 😭 CAN'T FIND AND KISS ME IF I FIND AND KISS YOU FIRST BABES~! ❤️❤️❤️

I can't hold on to my anonymity anymore guys so I'mma be making Pt.10 my reveal post~ it's killing me that I can't leave rabid fangirl messages on your works like you all do here for me! I really did wanna wait until I got the Smutmus Holy Trinity complete or at least in the revision stages but just- GAH! I NEED YALL TO KNOW HOW AMAZING I THINK YOU ARE. Beautiful beautiful minds, inside and out i can't even-!

Seriously though, I can't even begin to express how grateful and happy I am to have met any of you! And there are no words in the English dictionary (or any at all really) that I could use to describe what I feel about how accepting and supportive you've been! I could NEVER thank yall enough for helping me to find the joy in writing again. I love all three of you so much and I'm honored to call you friends!! 🥺🥰💋

- ☄️❤️ Smut Santa

False Alarm for the Next Part!! And honestly, thank God, the vibe is still not charged HAH--

Oh no!!! I'm so sorry that happened to you!! I had a similar experience when writing my part 2 to my Nun! Alastor fic. Fun fact: had to re-write it 5 times because I kept forgetting to save it. ;;_;; hhhh my baby fever is so bad I'm crying, but man, KIDS! What a little stinker 🥹❤️

Also, my ask box is usually super empty? Like, you could LICK the floor with how neat and empty it is? I LOVE messages? Even better if they long like Alastor's girthy fucking co--

We--We were- when we??? ALASTOR GETS--??? MY HANDS AROUND HIS???

*Danny.Exe has experienced an Error*

*Rebooting*

OKAY IM BACK--

☄️❤️Anon... babycakes. At this rate I'm gonna do more than fucking kiss you. I think we're past that now. And if you keep calling me 'Hunny Pun', or similar pet names, I'm just gonna jump your bones--

Hug you!!!! I meant hug you!!!

It's Alastor's jizz. It's canon-- NO DONT LEAVE I NEED TO KNOW HOW I GOT IT ON MY FAAAAAAACE

GUYS CODE TREAT, CODE TREAT, THE ANON VEIL IS DROPPING!!! ITS DROPPING DHDHDJDHDJ-- You will never gain a mutual as fast as you will then I SWEAR

☄️❤️!!! Smut Santaaaaa! 🥹😭❤️ Your mind is a beautiful, smutty, enchanting place!!! Knowing that you've been religiously cranking this out, while also having a kiddo... Seriously, how do you do it??? If anyone deserves the praise rn, 🎵it's you??? It's you, ITS ALWAYS YOU!!🎵 ❤️❤️❤️

Don't push yourself too hard! Please? ❤️ I will treasure these rare, scrumptious little treats for as long as I have brain cells left ❤️ I will call you friend until you tell me to quit or I lose my voice for good. And even then, my lips will keep moving and repeating the same thing until I'm blue in the face. ❤️❤️❤️ you are such a sweet, sweet, soul, and I can feel your vibes, and they are so wholesome! I can't wait to meet the person or sexual fiend behind it all! I feel like I speak for us all, and not just the main 3, but EVERYONE: everyone who has read your posts love you to bits. And they love your work to bits. Best believe when you publish your first work, we'll be there. En masse. And we will be EAGERLY returning the love you surprised us with.

Thank you for all that you do. On this post in particular, you deserve a foot rub, a forehead kiss, and a hug that lifts and spins you off your feet! 💗💗💗

Have a blissful, best of days you can have, dear! You deserve it! 💗

#gah now im all mushy #i need to watch Howl's Moving Castle again #I NEED IT #☄️❤️ i said i love you like a million times let me know if that makes you uncomfy please? hahah;;;#MWUAH #☄️❤️anon #sweet post #smutmus #danny rambles #danny speaks

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