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igiveyoumyblood · 11 months

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‘Bite Me’ First Reactions

Whoops almost posted this on the ATEEZ blog. And got distracted by Scoups in the process... Sorry not sorry.

Well, it’s been like 10 months since our last comeback. And was the wait worth it? Of course not. But was the comeback good? Um....

I mean, I guess it’ll grow on me. The song, for sure. The MV I guess. The choreo maybe. The lyrics, not so much.

I ended up having a decent bit to say about this before I even got into the MV analysis so everything is below the line.

First, some good points for us;

Vampires are back!!!!

Chess

Very Gothic

Some very pretty shots in the MV - wonderful use of lighting, set and composition

Some ENHYPEN themes in the lyrics like fate, the body on the cellular level

Codependency????

Some bad points for us;

Some trashy romance lyrics in the song

Codependency is an interesting theme to explore but I don’t think it’s been done as well as TXT

HYBE reusing TXT’s storyline?

Choreo that makes it easy to sexualise STILL A MINOR Niki

No werewolves

Song’s a bit meh imo

Not enough blood for an ENHYPEN title track

Actually just a lack of blood in general. I am unimpressed

Which idiot put Jay in a black shirt and a sparkly vest because that is a disgusting combination and the stylists should know by now that vests are very unflattering on him

Bad screenshot but omg that looks bad. Niki looks like he’s picking his nose and Jungwon is slaying, tho.

Is it supposed to be a homage to a fencing lame? A very vampiric sport? But then again, ENHYPEN are football players, not fencing... Or maybe it’s a homage to the trashy vests he wore in Pass The Mic? Because it doesn’t look like either of those options.

I love the outfits in this scene, but Jay’s is a -1100/10 for me. Poor guy doesn’t deserve this.

Moving on, we have the lyrics. As I pointed out before, they do bring back some concepts related to ENHYPEN, like fate, dreams, connections etc. But they’re also very reminiscent of a trashy romance song. Which could be for any combination of three reasons;

1) Getting the people who are attracted to these boys swooning

2) To be in line with the vampire genre/archetype, which is heavily tied to romance, BDSM etc - see lines like ‘tie me up’ and all of that.

3) To critique the above by pointing out a toxic and codependent relationship - see the whole ‘save me,’ ‘searching for you,’ ‘worships you’ bit.

I imagine it’s some combination of the three. In which case, I am sick and tired of #1, it is an uninteresting version of #2, and #3 has been done better by HYBE through TXT. So either way, HYBE wins (I guess) and ENHYPEN loses.

All that complaining aside, the lyrics aren’t that bad. They reintroduce us to the storyline, which I love. They have a lot of references, which I also love. And they can be analysed in many ways - literally see the above. Which is a great part of art, I think. The ambiguity may be annoying, but it’s also fascinating. I don’t have much to say about them that I haven’t already said, though. The most important lyrics are the ones I’ve already pointed out.

So with that in mind, let’s move on to a gloriously Gothic MV.

Loving the tower - it has a great combination of light and dark, which is heavily tied to grey morality (cough, vampires, cough). It also looks like it’s abandoned and decaying (cough, vampires), like the tower of a castle (vampires), and like a prison (say it with me - mysterious lords of faraway castles who turn out to be VAMPIRES). And - catacombs (can you guess what goes in these brackets?).

I also like how the bases of the windows can look a bit like chains at first, and how there is a dark spot at the top - where bats (ahem, vampires) or other evil may lurk.

Low angle = powerlessness, which is what they talk about in the lyrics.

Also love how it reminds me of the tower from Given-Taken (best song), the grungey concrete aesthetic of Pass The Mic (visual connection to the previous comeback), and Guerrilla by ATEEZ (Gothic boys being Gothic).

Honestly a masterful shot and they were so lucky to get this as s hooting location. Since I’m pretty sure it’s real, not CGI.

You can’t see from the still, but the moving/flickering clouds and lights outside the tower also show, duh, passing time - time being a key element of both ENHYPEN and vampire stories.

Bruv it’s only the first shot and I wrote 200+ words. This is when you know that maybe being a media student was taking your love for media a step too far.

I like how this shot mirrors the formation of the previous shot. I also like how they all turn away from the light. And how it makes the audience feel incredibly powerless.

The set here is lovely, but the light temperature bothers me - it looks too artificial and makes it look like we woke up in a lab not an epic vampire castle.

But wake up we did. And we woke up in the midst of vanpires.

Now they look towards the light, but the light is the moon during the day - an unusual thing, and which probably means werewolves.

WEREWOOOOOOOOOLLLLVES.

And this is about as close to an &TEAM cameo as we’ll get, I guess >:(

Thus the ‘Dark Moon’ logo sequence with the eclipse.

I have no clue where this is supposed to be, and ENHYPEN are living up to their vampire superpowers, because they seem to be teleporting with every comeback. But it looks nice and very Gothic. I like how, from this distance, the mountain can look a bit like a monster with a smaller skull and rib bones on it’s back.

Maybe I watch too many ‘Iron Lung’ videos.

And that’s about as close to blood as we’re going to get in this MV.

Again, the 7-circle formation which is honestly not unique to ENHYPEN, but still worth noting. And they’re in the white outfits - did they get smote down by the power of the moon wolves?

I mean that is classic vampire imagery right there. Maybe they needed to sleep to heal from the werewolves.

It’s also an intteresting way to emphasise the powerlessness that they describe/imply in the lyrics.

Ayo they’re gonna keep teleporting. It’s another tower, which is possibly more dilapidated than the other. And, of course, later in the day. Perfect for vampires.

For some reason, every single time I’ve watched this MV - which is many times by now - I have had the exact thought ‘yo that circle kind of reminds me of a pentagon’ at this exact moment - not before when they’re in a circle, not when they turn into coffins, no. When they turn into floating coffins.

This is also a very clever way in my opinion to go from an extreme high angle o a low angle.

I love how the blue light from above transitions to red and dark - reminds me of, again, catacombs, and also, duh, of hell.

I think the floor is bizarre in this set, but it becomes important later so I’ll excuse it.

Also love he starting formation for the choreo.

JUNGWOOOOOOOOOOONNNNN

I know some people hate the pale contacts on idols, and in lots of cases it’s out of concept, but it’s completely in-concept for ENHYPEN, and I love it.

I’m a big fan of this set, other than the unfortunate way in which it reminds me of Yoongi-priest in whichever BTS video that was.

The candles are amazing, and so is the mirror-window centrepiece. It evokes vampire lore (invisible in mirrors), common media (a standoff in a dream world between a hero and villain, complete with a chessboard), and the Gothic in general (no one is there, and then someone appears).

I like that it’s Jungwon v Sunghoon - Sunghoon was the one defending the girl (who I presume is the one from the webtoon but no one knows because no one can read it because it’s paid) in the album teaser, and Jungwon is the leader, thus most likely the most powerful vampire, either in authority or in power.

I like how this shot transitions from looking like very questionable blood.

To a flock of demon birds.

To our physics-loving Aussie Jake.

More vampire lore and references - they may be cliche, but at least I can respect them as very Gothic and very epic.

As expected, turns out the ‘blood’ was the Dark Moon that seems to rule over their lives as soon as HYBE wants more money thus webtoon.

Dang, imagine having your career as an idol determined by some semi-random webtoon. Kind of funny and kind of epically unique.

I love how Niki’s always the one in the MVs to get the casual displays of power. And I also love the ornaments in his hair.

This reminds me of him floating in Given-Taken, which makes me think that he is both a floater and a teleporter. I say with no evidence and having not looked at the webtoon yet for fear of cringe.

Also loving how he is high above us and effortlessly lording over us - the duality of us being powerful (in the lyrics) and powerless (in the MV) here is really fascinating.

The lighting of this scene and this MV in general is top-notch. Makes them look like one big monster. And, of course, the Gothic architecture and the blood-red on the outside. It also looks like they are reaching for the light - perfect timing for the line ‘God.’

The ‘oh my god’ line is both hilarious and brilliant. The delivery makes me laugh, but also reminds me of the Addams’ family, and the way it disrupts the song and is deep and hypnotising while evoking Christian imagery is a wonderous blend of Gothic and vampire media cues.

YEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS BEST SHOT OF THE MV.

More Sunoo being stalked by things.

Shadows

Shadow puppets

Grasping hands

Sunoo in the control of someone?

Menacing

Blood red

Stage

Plush and luxurious - rich vampires

He looks both incredibly powerful and incredibly powerless

Shillouettes

The shining pearls and jewels of his jacket

Lighting person you have my heart, please marry me

More of this epic lighting.

Love this moment of Sunghoon - he executes this move perfectly. I also love this section of the choreo, which kind of emulates strangulation, but also perhaps when a vampire grabs someone’s neck to bite them. And if you read it in the right context, could be considered sexy.

A few seconds ago (about 1:00 in the MV) they put their arms out, which remainds me in this context of crucifixion. But I can’t find a screenshot that has both their arms fully outstretched and Niki’s tongue in his mouth (the later making me incredibly uncomfortable). So I will just tell you about it instead of showing it.

Mind you, I guess we’ve all seen it anyway...

Omg what do you think he’s holding? Omg is that a pawn? Omg are we all pawns in his game? Wow such monumental and amazing storytelling.

I mean, it’s a well-known trope for a reason, but it’s also very overused. I also wonder why they would use it here - since Sunghoon was the protector in the trailer, and thus painted as a good guy while the others were bad. Is this supposed to be a hint that he’s actually the bad guy/brainwashed by the evil girl? And that Jungwon is the good one? Ngl I could not tell what Jungwon was holding for the life of me, except that it was not a pawn (since it was bigger) and may have been either a queen or king. Probably a queen because HYBE has enough gay rumours and they don’t need more.

Omg he burst.

Okay then...

And now they’ll look at the light? I am very concerned about how there is a growing light over my head while I lie on the ground surrounded by a circle of silent vampires.

Now I actually like this choreo for the most part - I think it’s fascinating that they chose to include the female backup dancers, since it’s something that ENHYPEN haven’t done before and which shows them as debonairs catching all the womenfolk (which is very vampire of them). However, I also hate it. First, because of how these kinds of choreographies objectify the backup dancers, whether they’re male or female. And second, because it is associated, in kpop, with sexy concepts. And I am so glad that Jungwon is in the centre but I despise how Niki is still a part of this choreo. Because HYBE clearly thought they hadn’t had enough sexy-coded choreos for this still-minor dude.

That said, I like how the women are in red and with face coverings. Although that does increase the subconscious sexiness of it, it also shows how the vampires do objectify these women, through covering their faces and seeing them literally as just sexy bags of blood.

It also adds to the nobility aesthetic of vampires.

I like how the choreo includes them in a pseudo-ballroom dance, where the women have their hands around their necks - another subversion of who is in control here, and a subversion of ENHYPEN as vampires as their likely victims are the one who show control over them.

I’m also so sorry for what I did to your face, Jungwon. I swear it was an accident.

Like this part where they’re like the opposite of each other. But not liking the butt-touching.

Yas, great choreo. Can we just release it in a minimum of 7 months, please, HYBE?

Loving whichever ruins they got to do this in - catacombs, European, and disintegrating. All vampire things. Although I wish that they went into the Korean concept of vampires more than the American and European ideas, they are pulling ALL of the Eurpoean/American vampire cards.

This MV is the European version, by the way.

Yessssss. Cropped because Niki was in the background.

Loving how Sunoo is looking at the camera.

And loving how this move is kind of seductive, but of course, also controlling.

Not going to lie, I’m a bit confused about why the moon turned into a chandelier, and why they ended up in the same scene as Niki. But I do love how the chandelier is swinging, like a pendullum (passing of time) and also like it’s hypnotising you (ahem, vampires).

It also gives a unique and sort of magical lighting effect to the scene, and, of course, is very elegant and rich (ahem, vampires).

Loving this choreo and the shadows on the walls.

The neck-snapping returns.

And Jungwon being epic in the background again.

Also really loving this sequence where they merge into each other - it’s kind of creepy in a very toned down body-horror way, is disconcerting, and, of course, we’ve got the red lighting. Also reminds me of Bohemian Rhapsody for some reason, but that’s not a bad thing because the ‘oh my god’ line reminds me of that song too, and that song had a lot of inspiration from and impact on the Gothic.

Ahh yes, Jay and his horse. On a cold, moonlit night. Very vampire, very Gothic. I don’t know why he suddenly has a horse when Sunghoon had one in the trailer, but I’ll take it I guess.

YESSS

YESSSSSSS

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

We’ve seen hints previously, but this sequence shows that Sunghoon and Jungwon are dealing with a chessboard. An actual chessboard. And since it is on both sides, it is, again a mirror. Whcih implies to me that they are the same person....? Um some meaning may have been lost in translation, HYBE.

Anyway, the reason I pointed out the floor earlier is because now we can see that it IS the chessboard. They are all pawns in the game of Sunghoon and Jungwon... who are pawns in their own game... who may be the same person... who are probably both being controlled by someone else.... and the girl is suspiciously absent in this MV despite being such a big part of the trailer.... hmmmm wow I wonder what happened here?

In case anyone was wondering, that is indeed sarcasm.

Still loving the duo choreo for all reasons other than Niki.

Pls don’t look at me like that.

Love how Niki’s just levetation-vibing.

Bruv this would be the perfect place to have a werewolf cameo. When the vampires stand in the bloody ruins of their castle.

Ahh welll.

Mind you, the lights going out was a part of Drunk-Dazed when the werewolves went for Sunoo, so it could be a nod to them.

This bit sounds like it came from the webtoon, but since I haven’t read it, I don’t know.

I’m also not sure why I imagine Jungwon being the one to say it, when it’s usually Jay and Jake.

Conclusions

I love that it brought back the vampires, and I hate that it didn’t bring back the werewolves. There was a sad lack of blood and a wonderous abundance of Gothic tropes.

As I predicted in the beginning, it’s already grown on me, even over the short period it took me to write this. I realised that the only things I had against it were the lack of my favourite ENHYPEN things (excessive amounts of blood, werewolves, bizarre symbolism, and loud hype music). And, as much as I love the choreo, it was held back for me initially (and still is) by the fact that it is so intensely sexy-coded, and my dude Niki is still in this group. If it released in a few months, or preferably years, I would be on top of it. Let’s hope that the fans don’t behave too rabid this time. I’m going to look forward to watching the stage performances of this (and avoiding Niki), and to what their next comeback, and &TEAM’s comeback, do with this.

Hint: It’s probably not going to be anything.

#enhypen #engene #enhypen theories #bite me #dark moon

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ahundredtimesover · 2 years

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Fight for You Epilogue (07)

07: When you miss dinner

Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader

Genre/Tags: established relationship - FFY couple; slight angst, hurt/comfort (18+)

Warnings: insecurities, implied anxiety, mentions of sex

Word count: 5.8k

A/N: I finally get to write the “someone misses dinner” storyline that I love! Also an excuse to imagine wet-haired JK in a black zip-up hoodie being the sweetest thing. Again, please excuse my lack of knowledge of business matters.

And the biggest thank you again to Ash @jimilter for this banner. 🥺🥰 That forehead kiss and this JK is giving me the feels. To everyone, please be kind to yourself. 💜

Epilogue Series Masterlist || Previous || Next

“What would it be, Ms. Lee?”

In all the years that you’ve been working for your family’s company, dating back to when you were an intern at 20 years old, this is perhaps your most feared question.

What would it be?

It feels so heavy, so full of responsibility; there’s so much room for a win and just as much potential for a loss.

You look at the faces staring back at you - all executives - waiting for your response. And you try your best to keep a calm and confident demeanor, as you know that doing so adds to your credibility, to their respect for you, if there’s even any to begin with that isn’t tied to you being their boss’ daughter.

“Give me until Monday,” you state.

“With all due respect, Ms. Lee, we’ve been holding back on this deal for far too long. Any more delay and the loss will be much greater than what we’re prepared for,” someone says.

“We just received the risk assessment report 2 days ago, Mr. Hong,” you respond.

“Yes, that you asked to be revised because the first one didn’t meet your standards, as if you’d been reading those kinds of reports for a long time and let’s be honest, you haven’t,” Mr. Chung retorts, clearly the one whose acceptance level of you is still in the 30% range.

“We have, and as we advised, it’s safe to move forward, as many of us have expressed,” he continues, looking impatient and unimpressed.

“Half,” you correct him. “Half of you expressed moving forward and the other half wants more time. I merely think it’s a more sound and responsible decision to weigh our options—“

“We only have 2 options,” he interjects. “Proceed or not, and you haven’t been able to make up your mind all week and you haven’t given any other options that we could work with. Your father would be able to decide on the spot or lay out other plans.”

“My father has been doing this for half his life, Mr. Chung,” you state, your tone getting sharper and a little more annoyed by the second. “I haven’t been on this that long and—“

“Yet you are the one in command, how unfortunate,” he counters. “Such big responsibility for someone with so little experience.”

“That’s enough, Mr. Chung,” another one says. “Mr. Lee, our President, assigned Ms. Lee to be in charge. Let’s at least respect that, shall we?”

You sit there frozen, suddenly much more insecure than you were when you called this meeting 3 hours ago. It was supposed to end at 6 but you couldn’t get the group to agree, couldn’t find a middle ground, couldn’t get a clear decision out, and you can’t help but feel smaller and smaller, as if you already didn’t.

Your father has been gone for a month to do his annual rounds in your satellite offices in North America and the rest of Asia, leaving you to oversee certain matters with the guidance of his trusted advisors. But this deal is one he specifically asked you to manage, and while it excited you at first, it’s given you nothing but a headache.

It’s not clear-cut and it’s definitely one of the more challenging ones. It needs more discernment, attention to detail, and maybe a risk-taking attitude, and you’re too wary to make the final decision, knowing that whatever it is you make, certain people won’t be happy, and there will be some loss, one way or another.

What’s worse is that you have to face all these people - mostly men and some of whom aren’t big fans of yours - on a daily basis, as if it’s not enough that they question your decision-making ability everyday.

Your name is called again and you’re broken out of your temporary haze of self-doubt and you look back at them. It’s not easy to decide, especially when it’s going to be on you if things don’t work out, and these people could easily be setting you up for failure.

So that not-so-impulsive and careful part of you puts its foot down.

“Give me until Monday. You may all leave,” you say firmly and head out to go back to your room, quickly enough not to hear the mumbling of the executives and the terrible things they could be saying about you.

You cover your face with your hands as you sit on your office chair and curse everything in existence. You haven’t felt this small and ineffective since you took the marketing department manager post when you got back from grad school years ago. You feel so useless and not worthy of respect of the people you need because much as you dislike the man, Mr. Chung is right - you don’t have that much experience yet, but you’re being given all this responsibility.

But again, that’s precisely why. Skill isn’t just acquired overnight. You still have much to learn, to experience, to figure out. It’s unfair you’re being put on a pedestal like this, but you also know it’s expected. You’re the successor, and you need to prove to everyone, including your parents, that you deserve it.

Your phone rings and you see Jungkook’s name on the screen, and you suddenly remember that you haven’t responded to his text from this morning - or was that last night? You feel too tired to answer, knowing he’ll sense right away that something is bothering you, and you just don’t have that kind of energy.

But his name is immediately replaced by your father’s, and you want nothing more than to disappear right this moment.

“Father? Is everything—“

“You still haven’t decided?” He sighs in exasperation. “It’s a go or no-go, ___. We’re losing something either way so just…”

“They tattled on me already, huh?” You scoff.

“This isn’t middle school, ___. There’s no tattling here. They reported to me, as they are required to,” he responds sternly. “And while I agree that Mr. Chung was disrespectful to you and me, I’d rather dwell on the stalling, because people’s claims of you will always be present for as long as you don’t get to prove yourself yet.”

“I know, father, but it’s just—“

“Do you?” He asks. “I’m giving you all these opportunities to show your capabilities and be more responsible but you’ve just been too soft and indecisive every time.”

The words hurt, you won’t lie, as it’s the first time your father had been this direct of his disappointment towards you since he announced the succession plans.

“Don’t make them doubt you even more, because that decreases my credibility just the same,” he continues at your silence. “Make that decision early on Monday, whatever it is, you hear me?”

“Yes, father,” you say softly, then he hangs up.

You wipe the tears that fall, thankful that at least for a Friday night, there isn’t anyone left in the office from your team. You can play your music as loud as you can, drown the sounds of your phone ringing because you just don’t have the desire to pick up anything, cry if you want, scream if you want. So you do all that.

Until someone knocks on your door.

“Oh, Mi-Seon, hi,” you force a smile at one of the managers from your father’s support team, whom you also work very closely and frequently with. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” she smiles and invites herself inside. “Is everything okay?” She cocks an eyebrow.

“Take a guess,” you chuckle. “When do I willingly spend a Friday night alone in the office?”

“Hmm, when you’re waiting for someone to come in and bring a bottle of wine?” She winks and presents one of your favorite reds.

Your eyes widen in amusement. “You’re a lifesaver.”

She laughs and takes a seat in front of you, and you immediately consume a half glass of wine, unbothered by your empty stomach and incredibly drained out brain. You spend the next hour and a half talking to her about what transpired, the intricacies of the deal that she’s also well-aware of, and this new course of your life that’s both exciting and terrifying.

It’s almost 10PM by the time you finish your self-loathing session, signaled by Mi-Seon spraying some mist on your flushed face and pulling you from your chair and pushing you out the door so you could finally go home.

You do as you’re forced, checking your phone on the way to the lobby and seeing Jungkook’s multiple where are you messages. It’s one of his favorite things to send you, at least for the past few weeks. The others are along the lines of have you eaten or did you take your vitamins or have you taken a break yet.

You know he means well but you just feel like you’ll get a scolding because every time he asks those, the answer that you say in your mind is always a no. Even with asking where you are, it’s because you promised you wouldn’t stay late in the office as you've been doing, and you know he’ll be upset with you being here again. And you just don’t want to deal with it.

You find yourself not wanting to deal with much, actually. There’s so much weighing heavily on you and you feel like you can’t be your best for anything or anyone right now.

People are going through their own things, you remind yourself. Part of the growing up that you need to do to be worthy of your position is learning how to deal with things on your own. No one else can help you anyway, so why bother letting them in?

It’s too much for others to deal with, especially when all you’d probably do is rant about the stress and about the executives who don’t like you and the little mistakes you’re making and how those are making you more annoyed with yourself. You don’t feel like your most likeable version right now and you don’t want others to fall into that hole with you.

You enter the car and ask Mr. Sim to drive-thru at a McDonald’s, and you nibble on your burger and fries and eventually give up because your earlier alcohol intake and the kind of stress you have now have caused you to lose your appetite.

Even your interest in things has dwindled.

It’s past 11 by the time you get home, and you want nothing more than to have your hot bath and lie in bed and sleep for as long as you can just to rid yourself of the embarrassment from tonight.

You get to the kitchen and see Mrs. Hwang washing the dishes. A pot of dumpling soup and a plate of braised beef lay on the counter. With your erratic schedule, you told her to assume you wouldn’t be eating home unless you tell her you will, and you knew today would be a long one so you hadn’t said anything, and now you’re curious as to why she had dinner so late.

“Hi, Mrs. Hwang,” you greet.

She turns to you with crestfallen eyes.

“Hi, sweetie. Another late night, huh?”

“Yeah,” you sigh. “Decided to drive-thru for dinner because I haven’t eaten since breakfast and I didn’t even finish it.”

“You… You had dinner already?”

“Yeah. It was such a long day,” you say, feeling like crying again. “Did you just have dinner? And cooking my comfort food without me, too?” You pout.

“No, sweetie. This wasn’t mine,” she walks towards you. “Jungkook made all this. He said you two were supposed to have dinner tonight.”

“We what?” You ask, partly shocked and partly confused.

You turn to the dining table that’s been set up nicely with flowers. You check your phone and scroll past Jungkook’s where are you messages from 6:30PM and see the one from Wednesday when he asked you if you could have dinner on Friday after your meeting ends at 6 and you said yes. And then the one from last night when he reminded you and you confirmed. And then this morning again.

You’d been mindlessly replying to his messages, and your replies haven’t even been making sense, probably because you haven’t been properly processing them nor even paying attention.

And you suddenly feel worse than you did when you were in that meeting room hours ago.

“Has he left?”

“No, I told him to rest in your room first,” she sighs. “He clocked in early at work today so he could come here and cook and he just looked so tired.”

Great. Another thing you’re failing miserably at. You can’t even give your own boyfriend the time of day.

You make it up the stairs and into your room. You find a pile of his clothes on your bed next to a luggage bag, and your heart sinks at the sight.

While Jungkook doesn’t exactly live with you, he’s been spending more time in your place than before, and that has much to do with your many, usually ridiculous, reasons and schemes for him to stay the night, including hiding his clothes in various parts of your room. It’s safe to say that more than half of his wardrobe is in your house, and they magically appear when he finally agrees to sleep over.

As it turns out, he’s known all along where they’re hidden. You’re either terrible at hiding, or he just knows you too well.

But he’s packing his bag, and it seems like he’s taking most of his clothes with him.

He exits your closet with a set of his workout clothes and walks to your bed to place them in the bag, not even sparing you a glance. You stand there and you don’t exactly know what to do.

“I…” You stammer, unsure how to start a conversation you’re not sober enough nor even ready to have, until you feel that awful sting in your stomach go up your throat, and you run to the bathroom and get to the toilet in time.

If you didn’t smell of alcohol earlier, now you do. You kneel on the floor and puke as much of the wine as you can, feeling weaker and weaker by the second.

You hear footsteps inside and feel a hand rubbing circles on your back, but you don’t miss the scoff as Jungkook smells it, and you know he’s got a disappointed look on his face. You sit on the floor after being rid of half of the bottle you consumed earlier, and you’re immediately faced with napkins and a glass of water.

You take them and focus elsewhere, unable and unwilling to look at Jungkook.

“You didn’t eat all day, did you?”

You don’t respond.

“You only puke when you drink too much or when you drink on an empty stomach,” he says coldly. “You’re conscious and mobile, which means you barely ate today, that's why you’re not feeling well.”

He says it so matter-of-factly, so confidently, that it actually annoys you.

“Why? Meeting didn’t go well? The directors disrespecting you again? Work becoming too much? So you went ahead and drank without having eaten and with barely any rest, expecting everything will be okay?”

You meet his piercing eyes with your own, and you no longer hide your irritation, which really is just masking your own embarrassment. You gargle the remaining water, spit it out, then head out the bathroom.

“I don’t wanna hear it, Jungkook,” you tell him. “I don’t have the energy for your scolding.”

“Clearly. You haven’t been replying to my messages so you obviously don’t wanna hear from me at all.”

He returns to packing, and you want so badly for him to stop but you’re also too stubborn to do so.

“Taking all your stuff and leaving me now?” You say after a while, restraining yourself from putting all of his clothes back in your drawers.

He shrugs with his back turned, seemingly uninterested to look at you.

“Why bring up the idea of moving in with you so you could spend more time with me if you’re not even gonna spend time with me…”

“That’s not true,” you defend, suddenly feeling bad at the thought. “I—“

“I made dinner and you didn’t even show up.” He now faces you. “You said yes. You confirmed. And you just… don’t even care that you missed it.”

“Well, I didn’t ask you to make dinner,” you cross your arms.

“That’s the thing though, you don’t ask me for anything anymore. You don’t ask to see me, to spend time with me, to have sex, to—”

“So that’s what this is? You’re upset because we don’t have sex,” you retort, wanting to get the upper hand but his face catches you off guard.

He has a defeated look, like he, too, doesn’t have energy for this, doesn’t want to deal with this. Doesn’t want to deal with you.

“You know that’s not what I meant but if that’s what you want to believe, then fine,” he says with a low voice.

He zips his bag while you stand there, unmoving, too proud to do anything, to say what you really mean - that you’re upset and you don’t know what to do with yourself.

He walks towards you but you refrain from looking back at him.

“You know I’m just here for you,” he huffs. “But I also know when I’m not wanted. It’s been hard on me, too and I don’t want to get angry. I love you and I want to be there for you but if you don’t want me around, that’s okay. I’ll give you time if that’s what you need. I’ll stay over at my place first, alright? I’ll check in on you tomorrow.”

And he shifts so he could give you a forehead kiss, then he walks out the door. You could hear his tired and dragging footsteps down the stairs while you continue to stand there, the tears no longer able to hold themselves back.

The terrible day just won’t end.

You puke again, and as the alcohol drains from your system, there’s more clarity, and you realize as the seconds pass by how unfair you’d been. All Jungkook has been is supportive. He knows how you are when you’re stressed, how you tend to seek perfection to a fault, please others, and in the process, forget about yourself.

But you constantly push him away, even when you know you need him.

Mrs. Hwang enters the bathroom and promptly prepares your hot bath. You cry again at the sight of the dumpling soup she’s brought, and even more when she feeds you while you sit in the tub.

“He was so excited about this,” she says with a soft smile. “He constantly redid the dumplings because they were too big for you to chew.”

“I even argued with him and said I didn’t ask him to make me dinner,” you sob. “And now he’s gone and probably doesn’t want to see me again.”

“Hey, sweetie. That’s not true,” she wipes your tears. “You know he won’t be able to survive without you, especially now. I mean, with his father reaching out, it’s been—“

“What?” You exclaim. “His father has been reaching out?”

Her sullen eyes tell you enough - if she knows, then Jungkook probably told you, and you most likely weren’t paying attention.

“Just last week. Jungkook probably didn’t want to bother you because you’ve been so stressed,” she comforts.

“No, he’d tell me,” you insist.

But then again, whether he told you or not doesn’t matter - you weren’t there for him; and the truth is, you haven’t been.

It’s a long proper dinner and bath, and you savor each dumpling you eat, knowing it was made with so much love that you probably don’t even deserve. You dress up in your most comfortable loungewear, wrap yourself in your softest blanket, and hope to the heavens that sleep overtakes you soon - restart, redo, recover when you wake up.

“It’s okay, sweetie,” Mrs. Hwang wipes your tears. “You know he won’t be able to stay upset for long. Just get some sleep. It’ll be okay in the morning.”

You try, but it just won’t happen.

It’s probably not the smartest thing to be standing outside of your boyfriend’s apartment at 4 in the morning on a chilly spring night, but here you are.

You snuck out of your house and was too absentminded to bring your key to Jungkook‘s place, but then again, inviting yourself in might not even bode well with him, given that he did leave.

So you stand there for another minute as your lips continue to quiver, and you try to think of what to do if the door doesn’t open in the next 5 minutes, but miraculously, it does.

“___?” Jungkook says, peeking behind you to perhaps greet Mr. Sim who isn’t anywhere to be found.

“How did you get here?” He exclaims, pulling your shivering body inside and shutting the door.

“Cab…” you say softly.

“___, what were you thinking?! At this hour?! Do you know—“

Your hug stops him, and you tighten your hold around his waist and whisper, “can you do the scolding later, please? I just…”

And at this, every ounce of sadness and hurt in Jungkook’s body melts away.

He wraps his arms around you and with you tiptoeing as your face nestles in the crook of his neck, you sob.

“I’m so sorry. Please forgive me,” you choke on your words. “I was being so stubborn and difficult and stupid. I’m sorry for forgetting about dinner.”

You become more breathless as your cries get louder, and Jungkook holds you closer as you do.

“Hey, angel. It’s okay. It’s been a tough few months, I know,” he comforts.

“It’s not okay,” you insist.

“It is.”

“It’s not!” You face him with a pout. “I was being such a brat and keeping things in and—“ you hiccup.

“Shh, angel,” he cups your face and kisses your forehead. “Let’s get you water.”

He sits you on the chair and looks at you tenderly as you finish the glass.

Kneeling on the ground, he asks, “do Mr. Sim and Namjoon know you’re here?”

You shake your head.

He frowns at you but laughs right after, and immediately gets his phone to send texts to them and Mrs. Hwang so as not to make them lose their minds at the sight of your empty bed in the morning.

You follow Jungkook to the couch. You straddle him and bury your face in his neck again, inhaling his fresh scent and damp hair.

“Did you just shower? Why are you awake?” You sniff.

“I couldn’t sleep,” he admits, “so I was doing a bit of exercise. I was dressing up when you rang the doorbell.”

“Why couldn’t you sleep?” You face him.

“Why couldn’t you?” He counters.

“Because I’m sad and mad at myself because I missed dinner and I missed you.”

“Didn’t seem like it earlier,” he chuckles.

“Hey!” You furrow your brows, on the verge of tears again. “I didn’t mean what I said,” you pout this time.

“I know,” he says, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “I didn’t mean to scold you or anything. I’m just worried about you because I know how you are when you’re stressed. You get sick easily, you don’t eat, you don’t rest… you forget to take your vitamins. But you don’t respond to my questions so that’s how I know you’re not taking care of yourself.”

You realized long ago that Jungkook is a very caring person. He’s observant in that he easily picks up on your habits and tendencies; he can figure out what you’re feeling by the sound of your voice, the pacing of your breathing, and your body language. You know all this, but it still makes you feel all kinds of warmth and love when he shows that protective and worried side of him.

“How are you so good at this?” You whisper.

“At what?”

“Knowing me? Caring for me?”

“Says the person who never missed a day of visiting when I got shot,” he laughs.

“Hmm, you really used an example from years ago, huh?”

“My point is,” he tickles you, “is that’s how you really are. I… wasn’t always like this, is what I meant to say. I worry differently when it’s about you.”

His face softens and you just want to kiss him stupid, but you also know you owe him an apology and an explanation.

“Me, too. Except maybe when I’m too self-absorbed and can’t look past whatever I’m going through,” you sigh, “which is terrible because I didn’t know your dad’s been reaching out. It’s either you told me or didn’t but either way, I’m sorry for not being there for you.”

“I… mentioned it in passing,” he says, immediately hugging you as you start to cry again. “But it’s fine. I talked to my mom about it and she says it’s up to me if I want to entertain him and stuff.”

He rubs circles on your back. “Let’s talk about that another time, okay? What about you?” He asks, shifting you to face him. “Do you want to talk about it?”

The realization that Jungkook has been asking how you are but you never really answer him hits you, even more that you’ve been keeping him out yet he still looks at you with the softest, most comforting eyes.

But you tell him - how the past weeks have been, yesterday’s meeting, the director’s snarky remarks, the phone call with your father, and the aftermath of it all.

He watches you with a mix of amusement and sympathy, as you animatedly narrate everything. You shift from one emotion to another, rocking back and forth on his lap, gesticulating as you go, and all the while, his hands on your waist steady you to make sure you don’t fall off.

He listens intently and agrees that Mr. Chung is a “party pooper” and “probably never had sprinkled cupcakes in his life” because he “lacks so much joy and softness.”

“And then I ignored your texts and came home to find out that I missed the dinner you cooked then I saw you packing and thought you want to leave me for good,” you shift, pouting once more and tearing up.

You hug him again - partly an excuse to inhale his fresh scent, and apologize.

“Don’t leave me, okay?” You say softly.

He holds you close and cradles you like the baby that you are. “It’s gonna take way more than you missing my famed dumpling soup for me to leave you, got that? You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

You bask in his sweetness, knowing that while he’s not always like this - as he leaves most of the verbal expression of love to you - he knows just what you need to feel better.

He cups your cheeks, wipes your tears, and kisses your forehead.

“Why are you so hard on yourself?”

Your face deflates and there’s that uncertainty, that fear, almost like affliction that hurts Jungkook to be seeing on you.

“It’s more than the stress and those people, isn’t it?”

It takes a while for you to answer, but the admission - simple as it is, still feels heavy.

“I’m so scared, Jungkook.”

He gives you time to process your own words, feeling as if it’s also the first time that you’re verbalizing it.

“I’m so scared that I’ll disappoint my parents, and I keep thinking that I will, that somewhere along the line, they’ll regret giving me this responsibility,” you say, your lips quivering.

“Have you always felt this way?”

“I guess I always have but this is the longest that my father’s been away, that he’s left me to deal with all of these things on my own, and that’s just magnified what I’m so afraid of - failing them.”

“Hey, ___. You won’t. I’ve got enough people on your end telling me you’re doing just fine.”

“Then why don’t I feel that? Why do I feel like every decision I’ll make will yield some loss, or upset people, or lead to some disaster? And then I can’t make a decision at all? I mean, that’s what happened yesterday,” you reason. “I couldn’t make up my mind. And I just couldn’t… I just…”

You sigh. Even thinking about this is tiring.

“It’s like this crippling anxiety, you know?” You manage to continue. “I’m so scared that I’ll make the wrong call, that I’ll make mistakes that I just… can’t do anything at all. And either way I lose.”

“Either way you lose,” he repeats. “Take a step somewhere or stay rooted where you are, you lose. But at least if you move, you’re no longer in the same place. You could end up with a different result.”

“Yeah but my mind just always thinks I’ll fail,” you whine. “And I don’t want that, I can’t have that. I don’t want my parents to be upset with me; I don’t want them to be upset at having me.”

It’s the kind of fear that Jungkook has never seen on you before, not even at the alley those years ago. This one is deep-seated, one that's developed over time, one that you just can’t shake off.

One that he understands.

No matter how much your parents hurt you, you will always want their approval, their love. You want to know that even if things didn’t turn out well, they never regret giving you a chance.

It’s something he can relate with, as he finds himself still yearning for his mother’s acceptance, her admiration, her affection.

But it’s different with you, especially as he knows that when it comes to your parents, there’s so much that hasn’t been said.

“I get you, angel, but you see, it isn’t about not making mistakes,” Jungkook says. “It isn’t just about making the right decision but standing by it, whatever it is.”

He turns your face towards his.

“Your father trusts you to make the best decision you could make at that moment, even if it doesn’t always turn out right, even if there’s a loss. He trusts that you’d know what should be done or at least, make sure that you do. It’s sticking to your principles, being accountable, standing your ground whatever the consequences are.”

“How do you know?”

Jungkook releases a deep breath. “Your father talks to me a lot, you know? He asks me to join him for drinks sometimes.”

This is news to you, and you don’t hide your surprise.

“Well, he always wanted a son,” you shrug, not being able to imagine drinking alcohol with your father.

“He talks to me about you.”

You don’t know what to say, and your wide eyes say you don’t know what to think, either.

“He tells me that he wishes you wouldn’t be so scared to make mistakes, because he’s noticed it,” Jungkook shares. “He wants to push you but he doesn’t know how far he should, or could, because he doesn’t think he knows you well enough.”

You turn emotional again, and somehow you feel like your heart is breaking and mending all at once.

“Your father may not know how to love you as a parent should but one thing I’ve learned about him is that he doesn’t want to hurt you. And I think that’s why he talks to me, because I learned how to.”

“I’m that hard of a person to love, huh?” Your face falls.

“No,” Jungkook says, snuggling you to him. “You teach people how to, and then you make them realize that they’re capable of doing it, you make them want to believe that they actually can. Because I did, and I’m pretty sure your parents aren’t far from realizing that, too.”

You nibble your lips, unable to process this kind of information, so you focus on something else.

“For someone who’s too careful, seems pretty uncharacteristic of him to say it isn’t about making mistakes,” you frown.

“He’s been doing this for decades, ___. I'm pretty sure he’s already learned how not to make significant mistakes, but I'm also pretty sure he still does. He’s just good at not showing it, I mean, he shouldn’t, but he’d be sympathetic about it.”

“Are you my boyfriend or are you his son?” You giggle, but finding comfort, in a way, that your own father confides in Jungkook. There’s something heartwarming, although a little nerve wracking, about the thought.

“Could be both,” he smirks. “But he was also honest with me that he was so angry when he found out about us. He was ready to ban us from seeing each other but that day at his office, when you fought for me the way you did, ready to shoulder the consequences of being with someone like me, he saw that you’re capable of doing that, of standing by your decision, even if he didn’t think it was the best one, but you did. And here we are.”

“Here we are,” you smile, feeling as if you haven’t done that in a long while.

“I know you’re scared to disappoint others - that’s why you always did what your parents said, why you never questioned people, why you allowed them to define you, question you. But you can’t forget about you, okay? You’re worth too much to just be your own afterthought.”

You want to cry again and kiss him, so you do both at the same time. He holds you while you do, and you feel his smile on your lips, and you end up smiling, too.

“I love you,” you whisper on his neck.

“I love you, too, angel,” he whispers back.

Your lips travel down to his semi-exposed chest, as he wears his zip-up black jacket and you’re suddenly tempted to see more. So you do.

He’ll always look sexy like this.

“I miss you so much and I want so badly to make love to you but I’m so tired from crying,” you pout, earning you a laugh.

“We have the whole day tomorrow, angel. Don’t worry. We’ll do all the lovemaking you want.”

He looks at you with soft eyes, and they’re ones you never want to be without. Especially on your hardest days, all you want is for those eyes to look back at you, telling you that everything will be okay.

He cradles you in his arms as you both fall asleep, as if he wants to protect you from the whole world. And you know just as much - Jungkook will do everything to make sure he does.

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#jungkook fic #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #jungkook x reader #jungkook fanfiction #jungkook x you #jeon jungkook #boyfriend jungkook #fight for you #fight for you epilogue #series

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transformers-fan-continuities · 3 years

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Spotlight: Ties That Bind

This one’s a doozy folks! If you missed the last spotlight you can go read it here, but strap in for The Ties That Bind, an absolutely brilliant take on humanformers. It’s hosted here at @tiesthatbind-tf created by @artsy-hobbitses!

Q) Give us a run down of your cont! What's it about, what's it called, what's it like?

Ties That Bind is a humanformers-based original continuity which is part Science Fiction and part Alternate History where the invasion of Quintessons and introduction of their technology to Earth in 1920 sets the world and humankind on a completely different trajectory. The active narrative spans a period from 1920 to 2070, covering the First and Second Quintesson Wars, the interplanetary Antillan War (leading to the creation of Unicron on Mars) and the Great War which involves the Autobots, Decepticons and Functionist stalwarts, and how it affects the characters.

The cast is pretty sprawling and the narrative is mostly centred around human drama with bits of humor interspaced and a dash of horror (mostly centred around how the previous government often chose to utilize the technology left behind from the Quintesson Wars to create new systems of oppression, which affected many of the characters, in the name of worldwide rebuilding efforts).

Q) What characters take the lead here? Any personal favorites?

I will admit to this continuity being very much heavy on the relationship between Old Bastards Optimus Prime and Megatron, which is given considerable weight as they were best friends who had known each other since childhood and were deeply intrinsic to each other’s growths as individuals, which makes it all the worse when guilt and betrayal enter the party. Despite being captains in two corners of this battle, there’s a part of them that just cannot let go of their pasts together and they need to reconcile with how this will affect their agenda (Megatron) and how they lead their team (Optimus) who don’t necessarily share their history.

Other characters with significant development include:

Starscream, a Cold Construct in a toxic working relationship with Megatron with whom he is hiding a dark secret, who struggles to balance the underhanded viciousness he believes he needs to gain power and his innate desire from his Senate days to make the world a better place.

Windblade, a Camien native who fights her government’s apathy concerning the situation on Earth which they see as unsalvageable compared to their more Utopian society.

Prowl, a Cold Construct raised from childhood to be a cop in a police state, who finds out that he was brainwashed several times to ensure his obedience and efficacy as a government asset and is now working to reclaim some semblance of the humanity he was never allowed to feel and figure out how much of him is who he really is and how much is programming.

Hound, a sheltered Beastman who joined the fight to ensure that Beastmen the world over would have the same rights he did in his homeland of Shetland Isle, but is forcefully stripped of his humanity and faced with his animal side during the war and has to relearn what personhood means amid his trauma.

Q) Is there a bigger point to this, like a theme or some catharsis? Or is it just fluffy fun?

God with the amount of time I spent sleepless trying to figure out how the logistics of this or the semantics of that were supposed to work in universe, I cannot for the life of me say it’s fluffy fun, but I can’t exactly say it hasn’t been pretty engaging either!

There’s elements of war being messy for everyone involved where there doesn’t seem to be a clear line between friend and foe at times, but I think for most part it prescribes to Jean-Jacques Rousseau’s belief that people are inherently good, but are corrupted by the evils of society. Despite its dark themes (Including but not limited to child abuse, torture, illegal experimenation and brainwashing), love and friendships do prevail, kindness does beget kindness, found families are made, even the smallest actions matter, and things do get better because there are people on both sides who genuinely want to, and strive to make it better.

With Cold Constructs and Beastmen, it also delves heavily into what it means to be human; to have agency and personhood.

There’s also a strong undercurrent of taking responsibility for one’s actions, even if they were made with the best of intentions (Avoidance of this is what eats up Starscream and Megatron from the inside, and what Starscream eventually embraces).

Q) How long have you been working on it?

There’s two answers to this!

I’ve had a Humanformers-related universe going all the way back to 2007 around the time the first Bayformers came out---basically I had a choice between learning to draw cars or draw people (I was an anthro artist back then) and I immediately chose people.

The 2007 draft however had no worldbuilding or connective storylines and was mostly a fun little venture into character design and practice which were actually instrumental to me experimenting and learning how to draw humans properly.

I left the fandom for about a decade and when I came back to it in late 2020 around September via the War for Cybertron series on Netflix, I immediately got hooked on the 2005 IDW comics I missed out on and wanted to get around to updating my old designs as well find a way to translate several of the concepts I wanted to explore in a human sense, so the 2020 update became its own full-fledged original continuity with detailed worldbuilding and history.

You can see the artistic evolution of several characters from their original incarnation below!

Q) It’s incredible to see your artistic improvement too! Give us a behind-the-scenes look! Show us a secret ;))

Say hello to my workspace! I’ve been working exclusively on the Ipad Pro since late 2016, which is fantastic because I can basically whip up concepts and sketches on the go anywhere. Nowhere is too out of bounds to work on TTB!

Also, do enjoy this sneak peek at true!form Rung, whose synthezoid human body took years to perfect.

Q) YESSSSS alright I must admit this is one of my favorite Rungs, and certainly my fave within TTB. Amazing. Phew, anyway. Where did you draw inspiration from? What canons, what other fiction, what parts of real life?

TTB was initially conceived as a faithful retelling of the IDW 2005 narrative before it was transformed into its own continuity and as such, it borrows heavily from concepts and mirrored plot lines introduced in that run! I chose to have the series inspired off it specifically for the amount of history and worldbuilding it introduced to the franchise.

Anime like Gunslinger Girl and Beastars inspired the depictions of Cold Constructs, especially the more harrowing aspects of their upbringing as government assets instead of children, and Beastmen (Beastformers) in TTB.

I haven’t depicted the world itself in my art all too much, but the architecture from Tiger and Bunny, which has sort of a futuristic Art Deco feel to it, is what you’d usually see in major cities. There is an in-universe reason for that---with a Point Of Divergence set in 1920 followed by 25 years (an entire generation) of progress basically being kicked to the curb due to the Quintesson wars, mankind was basically in a time-locked bubble until the end of the wars, and by then their heroes were 1920s-style rebellion leaders, which lead to 1920s fashion (especially among the Manual Working Class---Megatron, Jazz and Optimus all rock 1920s fashion at some point of their lives) and architecture being celebrated and retained as sort of a reminder of how things were before The Invasion. This anime’s background design is also where I adopted the tiered system TTB’s major metropolises are often built on (with each tier being designated to a different working class) from.

The main artistic style itself is a love letter to 90s cartoons, in particular Gargoyles’ deep and drama-driven character narratives and designs as well as The Centurions’ take on body armor logistics.

I also take inspiration, especially armor-wise, from the characters’ given heritage and background. As an example, Hotrod who is depicted as Irish has the flames on his armor done up with Celtic knots. Welsh aristocrat Mirage’s armor bears olden knight-style filigree and has his Autobot logo designed as a coat of arms. Indonesian Soundwave’s armor and Decepticon logo takes cues from Batik and Wayang Kulit while their mask is based off the Barong.

Q) They are absolutely gorgeous! Show off something you're really proud of, a particular favorite part of your cont.

The worldbuilding in general! Most Humanformers I’ve seen tend to treat it like a fun exercise which it is and is definitely valid, but I found myself wanting a full-fledged world to lose myself in and I sought to try and make that world myself by drafting a detailed history and timeline of events which would affect ongoing narratives, having indepth worldbuilding to include almost all societal aspects of the universe and expanding on the concept of Beastmen and Cold Constructs existing in a human setting.

I’m not so secretly proud of the research and diversity included to make the cast look like the multicultural, globally-based team that they were meant to be instead of being locked to a single region! My original draft from 2007 was, to put it simply, quite culturally monolithic and I wanted to improve on that aspect with TTB.

I’m also proud that I’ve kept to it this far! I’m a notoriously flaky person jumping from one idea/fandom to another and to have kept at this continuity for the better part of ten months is honestly a personal feat.

Art-wise, this scene depicting a young Megatron working alongside Terminus and Impactor (cameo by @weapon-up-wallflower‘s OC Missit!) is definitely one of my favorites since it helps build up the world they live in and plays to familial bonds and comfort found in one another despite their less than ideal circumstances.

Q) Everything has come together so beautifully, you absolutely should be proud. What other fan canons do you love and why? Would you like to see them interviewed?

I am dying to hear more from @iscaredspider’s Sparkpulse continuity! Her designs are MIND-BLOWINGLY GORGEOUS and I want to hear more about what inspired her to work on it!

Also YOU. Yes YOU BLURRITO. LET ME HEAR MORE ABOUT SNAP.

Q) [wails and squirms away in the mortifying ordeal of being known but in a very flattered way] I WILL SOMEDAY I PROMISE aflghsdjg thank you QwQ

Well that was fantastic, Oni, thank you muchly! A magnificent continuity with so much to look forward to! Coming up next is another personal fave of mine, the first inspiration for SNAP, so stick around...

#long post #gore #ties that bind #spotlight #transformers #HUMANFORMERS #transformers au #tf original continuity #transformers fan continuity #transformers redesign #maccadam #i said id post this on sunday but i realize thats a holiday for lots of folks on this site :/

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wicked-mind · 3 years

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Snips

Summary: You are assigned as Bucky’s partner. These are moments or as I like to call them, ‘snips,’ of moments together.

Word Count: 9.2k ( I got carried away )

Warnings: Swearing. Drinking. Some edibles in here. Pining. Serial Killer mentioned (you’re the daughter of one). Violence.

Note: This contains ‘snips’ of your and Bucky’s relationship/partnership throughout two years together. This contains an idea sparked from Criminal Minds concerning Rossi’s storyline. There will probably more of the Bucky and Snips adventures in the future (:

All Writing Masterlist

Any likes, comments, and/or reblogs are always appreciated (: I love that shit!

— The Beginning —

“You’ve gotta be shittin’ me.” Bucky grumbled with his arms crossed. The last thing he wanted was a partner that wasn’t Steve. Hell, he’d even take the birdbrain, Sam. But Steve had this whole idea that everybody needed a designated partner to go on missions with. He thought it would be good for moral and help create a more open group between the avengers and agents than just having the ‘super squad.’ Bucky followed Steve up to the window here they watched some agents train, glaring down at them. He watched one young blonde haired male agent slip on the obstacle course, causing him to scoff, “Really Steve? They can’t even make it to the end.” Steve chuckles and shakes his head slightly, his arms crossed against his chest, “Don’t worry. You partner isn’t one of these agents. They’re new.” He said, starting to walk further down the hallway until they were looking at the advance training corse. It was set up with androids Tony created to test agents in real life situations. The weapons the androids used weren’t lethal as they were only rubber but left nasty welts and bruises. Steve looked down at the woman pinned behind a concrete barrier as three androids approached, “That’s your partner.”

Bucky looked down at the woman as the androids got closer, watcher her quickly move to take cover behind a metal crate. She was playing too defensively and the androids were cornering her, “God, Steve. She might as well be over with the newbies.”

Steve looked at Bucky for a moment before back down to the woman, “Just watch, Buck.” He said. He knew Bucky had rolled his eyes but saw from the corner of his eyes that Bucky listened and was watching the woman. The woman peeked her head around the container for a split second before rubber bullets started to fire at her. She took a deep breath and readied her pistol. She looked up to Bucky and Steve for a split second a smirked before stepping out from behind the steel container, eyes closed, and firing three shots. All three bullets hit the three androids in their metal heads, causing them to fall. The woman opened one eye to look at them on the floor before shrugging to herself and walking off the course. Steve looked at Bucky, “Master marksman. Trained by Clint before he retired. She’s top of her class.”

Bucky rolls his eyes over to Steve, “She seems cocky.” He muttered out, arms still crossed against his chest as if to say he wasn’t budging on this partner thing.

Steve smiled slightly and patted Bucky on the shoulder, “Then you two already have something to bond over.” He said with one more pat before leaving Bucky to stand alone in his pout.

Bucky didn’t like very many people. He is not what you would classify as a ‘people person.’ But it’s understandable after all he has been through. So when the idea from Steve came around to set every avenger up with a partner, Bucky wasn’t thrilled about the idea. He didn’t need someone else around him all the time, especially on missions getting in the way. It was a hard first six months of Bucky and you getting to know each other after being partnered with you. You couldn’t even count the times that he called you annoying or a brat. He even called you close to useless one time before you took out a target sneaking up on him which he then apologized for, instead saying you’re just slightly useless. Eventually it seemed a tide had turned and the two of you began being friends. He even gave you a nickname, Snips, given to you due to all your snippy comments you made to him when you went on missions together and also due to you sniping targets at almost a record length.

What you didn’t know is that while you thought you two were becoming good friends, Bucky was developing feelings for you. He loved the way you snapped back to him, always having something to say. He liked having you always looking over his shoulder when on missions even though he spent the first months saying he didn’t need you. You two were like each other’s shadows. Something he loved most about his partnership with you was the trust. You two trusted each other with everything. Loyalty was a big thing to Bucky and the loyalty you gave off just made him like you that much more. Once reporter dared to say something about Bucky still being the Winter Soldier and he had to hold you back from her and drag you away as you yelled obscenities in his defense.

— The Cookie Situation —

There were aspects of the super serum that coursed through Bucky’s veins that he hated. One was that he could never get drunk to have a peaceful night without his nightmares no matter how much whiskey he drank. But he did find something to help take a little bit of the edge off. The super serum that ran through Bucky’s body was different than Steve’s. It was sort of a knock-off version which meant that with enough of the potent ingredient, edibles worked a little bit. He hadn’t really told anybody about this recent development and always had them hand delivered. They were custom baked for him meaning the nice lady who made them always just sent them in a clear container with no warning labels since Bucky was always the one to receive the package personally. His favorite were the peanut butter cookies and he hand an order to be hand delivered today but he had one problem. Bucky was stuck in a stupid meeting with the lead Avengers, going over the missions for the last month.

You just happened to be taking a walk through the front of the facility when the delivery guy showed up with Bucky’s package. You smiled and signed for it, seeing the cookies through the clear container. You headed back into the facility to set the cookies in Bucky’s room, snatching one for yourself for being such a good delivery girl.

Bucky looked down at his phone as it buzzed, seeing the message saying ‘My son delivered your cookies to a Ms. Y/L/N.’ Oh no. Oh god. There was no way you weren’t going to eat one of those cookies especially after Bucky had eaten the last slice of your peach pie a few days ago. He quickly sent you a message.

Thanks for picking up my package. Just leave them in my room. For the love of god don’t eat them.

He bit his lip and fiddled with his phone as he waited for you to text him back.

Don’t tell me what to do. You ate my pie.

Oh shit. Oh fuck. Bucky had about another hour of this meeting left and meanwhile you probably ate one of his extremely potent cookies. He hoped to god that the cookies wouldn’t kick in for you until he was finished with his meeting. As soon as the meeting ended, Bucky quickly exited the briefing room and started his search for you. First place he looked was the kitchen for obvious reasons but you weren’t there. Instead, Peter Parker, Tony’s partner, was making a sandwich, “Parker! Have you seen Y/N around?”

Peter jumped slightly at the booming of Bucky’s voice, looking at him as he held his sandwich in his hands, “Uhm… Yeah.” He began, “She came in a little bit ago. Her eyeballs were huge, man. I asked her if she wanted a sandwich and she just backed out of the room. Weird right?”

Bucky let out a fake chuckle before swallowing hard, “Yeah, weird.” He muttered, “Well, if you see her come find me.” With that, Bucky turned and continued his search of the facility for you. He eventually gave up on trying to find you himself, “F.R.I.D.A.Y. where is Y/N at in the facility?”

“Ms. Y/L/N is currently in the south elevator.” The AI responded.

“Where is she headed?” Bucky asks.

“No where, Mr. Barnes. Ms. Y/L/N is just standing in the elevator on the second floor.”

Bucky let out a sigh before making his way to the south elevators, clicking the button from the fourth floor hoping you would sill be standing in the elevator. To his luck, there you were when the elevator doors opened standing in the corner with wide eyes looking at Bucky. He walks in and folds his arms, glaring down at you, “Snips. Did you eat one of my cookies?”

You open your mouth to talk but then shut it quickly. Everything was moving different around you like it was somewhere trapped between super slow motion and super speed. You couldn’t figure out which. You bit down on your bottom lip as you stared up at Bucky with blown pupils. When did he get so tall? You glance down to see if for some reason he was wearing high heels but only saw the same black combat boots he always wore perfectly tied.

“Snips!” Bucky said a little louder, snapping his fingers in front of your face to get you out of your trance. He already knew his answer from the way you were looking at him as if trying to discern if he was real or not. The cookies never made him even close to this but then again he was a super soldier.

“Noooo.” You said slowly, drawing out the vowel. You put your hands behind your back and pursed your lips together as you met his gaze.

Bucky ran his flesh hand over his face, trying to figure out what he should do with you when he heard the elevator doors open behind him to see Sam’s eyes flickering between the two.

“What’re you two doin’ just standing in the elevator?” Sam asks, stepping inside and pressing a button to the fifth floor. As the elevator started to move, he folded his arms as he looked between you and Bucky, who had moved to stand beside you, suspiciously. After a moment of silence, Sam turned his gaze on Bucky, “What did you do?”

Bucky shook his head slightly, “I didn’t…. do anything.” He said which was true. He didn’t do anything. He didn’t give you possibly one of the most potent edible peanut butter cookies in the country. You took it upon yourself to eat the cookie.

Sam raised his eyebrows at Bucky as if to say ‘I don’t believe you’ but before he could dig a little deeper, the elevator doors dinged open and he walked out leaving you and Bucky alone in the elevator again.

Bucky let out a sigh of relief when the elevator doors shut leaving you two alone again. He clicks the seventh floor button so he could take you back to your room where nobody would catch you all wide eyed and zonked out of your brain. He waited for the doors to open before looking at you, “C’mon, Snips.” He said and started walking out of the elevator but as soon as he did you pushed the close door button and the button to the main floor. Bucky turned around to see the doors close, “Snips!” He yelled before hearing the elevator going down. He threw his head back in defeat and frustration, “Holy shit.” He muttered out before heading to take the stairs to find you once again.

With the help of F.R.I.D.A.Y., Bucky figured out you were outside in the small garden area in the backyard. Bucky quickly made his way out there to find you staring at all the different colors of bloomed tulips like it was some sort of miracle or act of god. He walked up and gently put a hand on your shoulder, “Y/N. We should get back to your room.”

You jumped slightly at his hand on your shoulder suddenly, tearing your gaze away from the rainbow of flowers before looking up at Bucky with wide eyes again, “Bucky!” You said before looking back at the flowers, “Do you think the flowers, like, know what color they are? Or are they just as surprised as we are when they bloom?”

Bucky dropped his head at your words. You were completely stoned and not cooperating. He looked back at you, “Snips. Let’s go back to your room and I’ll make you my ma’s spaghetti.” He bargained.

Your eyes immediately dart back to his at the mention of food, “Oooooh…. Noodles.” You said as a smile creeped across your lips, “And sauce. Bucky’s sauce and Bucky’s noodles…” You stifle a laughter at your own words then just start bursting out in laughter, “Bucky’s noodle.”

Bucky stared at you for a moment, “Oh. My. God.” He hissed out at you. That’s it. He’s done trying to be reasonable with you right now. He picks you up and throws you over his shoulder as you’re still howling with laughter into his back and you didn’t stop laughing for a moment until he put you down in the safety of your own room, kicking the door shut behind him. Bucky watches you take a moment to catch your breath and your laughter turn into giggles until you stop laughing, “Snips, listen. That cookie you ate was a very potent edible, alright? You need to stay in here until your come down.”

You tilt your head at his words, narrowing your eyes onto his face to focus before they widened again, “Oh my god. You’re a secret stoner.” You said, pointing your finger at him.

Bucky rolls his eyes, “No I’m not. They barely do anything to me, just helps me sleep.” He defended, glaring at you, “Now sit your ass down and I’ll make the spaghetti.” He ordered, pointing over to the couch.

You salute him, “Yes, Sergeant.” You said with a smile before turning on your toes and plopping yourself down on your small couch and turning on the tv to some cartoon. You listened to Bucky go through the small kitchen in your apartment suite. Even though there was a full community kitchen downstairs, each room came with its own accommodations such as a full bathroom, a living room, a bedroom, and a kitchen as well. You could smell the marinara waft through the room and you made a small ‘mmmm’ noise at the smell before you were interrupted by your phone buzzing. You pulled it out and checked the message before your eyes widened. You launched yourself off the couch and went over to Bucky in the kitchen, “Bucky! Logan’s downstairs!” You whisper, pointing at your phone.

Bucky looked at you confused, “Who’s Logan?” He asks, “And why are you whispering?”

You ignored the second question, continuing in a whisper, “I was supposed to have a date with Logan tonight and he just texted me to say he’s here.” You tell him, still pointing at the phone.

Bucky couldn’t help but flinch as the word ‘date’ passed your lips. Date? You were going on a date with a stranger? He folded his arms, “Nope. No way you’re going out on a date tonight. Stark is still upset about the whole reporter thing, there is no way you’re going out stoned out of your mind. I’ll deal with it.” He said, snatching your phone from you so you couldn’t do anything stupid with it, “Stir the sauce, I’ll be back.”

You nod slowly to Bucky and pick up the wooden spoon, staring to stir the sauce and getting memorized in the act easily.

Bucky watched you for a moment and rolled his eyes at how easily amused you got stirring the red sauce. He walks out of your room and to the elevators, going to the main floor and out to the front of the facility where he saw a black car parked and a man sitting in the driver’s seat. Bucky tapped on the window until the man rolled the window down, “You Logan?” He asks, taking a good look at the man you were supposed to go on a date with. He looked tall, not very much muscle though and was pretty much the exact opposite of Bucky. He had blonde curly hair and big brown eyes.

Logan nods, “Yes, sir. I’m here to pick up Y/N?” He asks, fidgeting with the phone in his hands. He couldn’t lie, the six foot mass of muscle leaning over to peer at him through the window was intimidating. This must be Y/N’s partner she had told him about.

“Yeah, that’s not gonna happen tonight, kid.” Bucky muttered out, his lips drawn into a stern line as he looked around Logan’s car before back to Logan, “She’s sick. Sorry she didn’t tell you.” He said, turning to leave but then turned back at Logan, “And next time you ask a girl on a date, bring flowers and actually get out of the car.” He hissed out before making his way back into the facility. You deserved better in Bucky’s mind. You should be greeted with a smile and flowers at the doorstep before being walked to the car where the door would be opened for you. Stupid kids nowadays. Bucky made his way back up to your room where he found you still stirring the sauce, “All taken care of, Snips.”

You shook your head slightly as he came back inside and took the wooden spoon from you, “What’s taken care of?” You ask confused before remembering, “Ah right. Date night.” Bucky put the pasta into the boiling water, “He’s a punk anyway. You deserve better.” He grumbled out but you were already entranced back to the cartoon playing on the tv. He watched you for a moment, wondering what it would be like for him to be on your level. You were happy about anything and found everything interesting or funny. The cookies never did that to him. Once the pasta was done, he set up two servings and slumped on the couch with you, passing you your plate. He watched the dumb cartoon with you, smiling when you would laugh at things he didn’t really think were that funny. Bucky loved the way you laughed, especially right now. It was pure happiness that rang in your voice. When dinner was done, Bucky did the dishes and cleaned up everything before settling back on the couch beside you. You had changed the cartoon to some comedy movie and were snuggled up half asleep on the couch. You gravitated towards his natural warmth, leaning your head on his shoulder and wrapping your arms around his right muscular one. This was the moment Bucky decided he was unbelievably and unbearable in love with you. The way you curled up against him so easily. The way you looked sleeping comfortably against him like you knew he was there to help you, to keep you safe.

— Birthdays Are The Worst —

Today was special. It was your first birthday as part of the avengers and Wanda as well as Natasha had made a deal about throwing you a surprise breakfast followed by a party later that night. You didn’t like birthdays. It was always the worst day of the year. You used to love your birthday- the cake, gifts, surprises but that changed when you were fifteen. You groaned awake at the sound of your alarm, picking up the clock from the bedside table and yanking the cord out of the wall to shut it up before tossing it at the wall for good measure. You pulled yourself out of bed, already defeated by this day. You managed to stomp yourself into your bathroom without throwing anything else and showered, brushed your teeth, and got yourself ready for the day. You took one last look in the mirror at yourself before walking out of your bedroom and heading to the kitchen glaring at the floor. You almost jumped out of your skin when everybody yelled ‘SURPRISE! Happy birthday!’ You put your hand to your chest as if they gave you a heart attack before looking all of them over. Natasha, Wanda, Steve, Vision, Bucky, and Sam as well as the rest of their partners were there with party hats on and mimosas in their hands with big smiles on their faces. You looked all of them over for a moment standing in place before seeing an unopened champagne bottle on the table behind them. You took a deep breath and stomped over, grabbing the bottle by the neck before turning back to head to your room without a word to anybody.

Everybody watched you go until the door slammed behind you to your room. Natasha looked over at everybody else, “Okay… What just happened?” She asks confused.

Vision tilts his head slightly, “It seems she is not a fan of birthdays or surprises.”

Steve looked towards Bucky, “Maybe you should go talk with her.” He said, his brow pulled together to create a pinch in his forehead.

Bucky sighs, “Yeah… I got it.” He says, taking off his party hat and chucking it on the table before heading down the hallway and turning the corner to stand outside your bedroom door. He sighs and knocks softly, “Snips? Wanna talk ‘bout it?”

“Nope!”

Bucky sighs again, “Well, do you at least need help with the cork? You can never do it right and you don’t need to be losin' an eye.”

There was silence for a moment from you before you finally said, “That would be wise.”

Bucky opened your door slowly and walked in, seeing you sitting on the bed untwisting the metal that kept the cork in place in the bottle. He shuts the door behind him and approaches you to take the bottle, popping the cork without causing any foam and passing it back to you. He watched you take a bigger swallow than you probably should’ve and folds his arms, “So which is it? Hate birthdays or surprises? Because I know you like pancakes.”

You look up at Bucky for a moment then back to the champagne bottle, “I don’t hate birthdays or surprises. I just hate my birthday.” You said softly, “Doesn’t help that Logan dropped his phone in the ocean on his stupid vacation so all I got was a text from some random number that said ‘Happy Birthday! Heart, Logan.”

Bucky rolls his eyes. That stupid idiot boyfriend of yours being stupid again, not a surprise. He couldn’t count the times he’s been annoyed at Logan’s late night phone calls with you, the giggle you’d make when you got a message from him, or the way you’d scrunch your nose when he pissed you off. But the thing that annoyed him most was when Logan would scroll through his phone while you watched movies in the living room with everybody else as you curled up next to him as if trying to grasp his attention. Bucky always ended up watching your movements towards Logan more than the movies, he couldn’t even tell you the character’s names in half the movies from being so focused on you. This just added to the list of why he hated Logan, “Your boyfriend is an idiot.” He said, keeping his arms crossed as he watched you take another sip of the champagne, “Why do you hate your birthday?”

You sigh softly, biting your bottom lip. You didn’t want to answer that question.

“C’mon, Snips.” Bucky said, unfolding his arms and sitting next to you, “It’s me. We tell each other everything.” That was true. You two had a deeper trust than most partners did and you did tell him everything. It’s what made you two the most successful pair when it came to missions even if you two were just as equally reckless. You were always completely open and honest with each other about personal things as well as telling the other when they were being stupid.

You sigh and look up at him from the corner of your eyes, “I made a deal to do something every year on my birthday since I was fifteen. It’s difficult to explain. I’ll just bring you with me.”

Bucky simply nodded, knowing you didn’t want to speak about it and that you would show him the truth soon. He had learned quickly that pressing you wasn’t a good route to go down. You two sat in silence for a while as he watched you take a few more sips of champagne before standing up like you were ready to go. There was already a car with a driver in the front lot waiting to take you to your destination. The drive was just as quiet with Bucky observing the surroundings, trying to figure out where you two were going. But his brow pulled together in confusion when he saw the car pull into a federal maximum security prison, “Y/N, what are we doing here?”

You look over at him, “I’ll explain when we get inside.” You said simply, waiting for the car to pull to a stop to get out. Bucky was right on your heels as you entered, following you through all the security check points before they took you to a meeting room. You looked through the one way glass window as guards brought an older man in with his wrists cuffed as well as his ankles.

Bucky watched the man then looked down at you, “Alright, Snips. What’re we doin’ in a prison on your birthday?”

You keep your eyes on the man who took a seat on one side of the table, a grin on his lips and tapping his fingers on the table as if he was waiting, “Have you ever heard of The Domino Killer?” You ask looking up to Bucky who shook his head, “He was an active serial killer when you were with Hydra so that doesn’t surprise me. He was called the Domino Killer because he would leave hand crafted dominos in the pockets of his victims. He was charged with 32 counts of murder after his daughter turned him in. But he has way more than 32 victims.”

Bucky listened, confusion still written all across his features as he looked at you, “And what does that have to do with you?”

You took a deep breath, “Because he’s my dad. I’m the one that turned him in.” You said softly, “He was supposed to get the death penalty until he made a deal with the DA. He would confess another murder with the location of a body once a year and to one person. Nobody knows about any of this except you. Not even Logan.”

Bucky listened, putting the pieces together, “You’re telling me that asshole in there makes you come here on your birthday to confess a murder to you?” He asks shocked, then shook his head, “No, Y/N. You’re not doing that this year. Forget ‘bout him, he’s nothing.”

You look at Bucky and shook your head, “I have to, Buck. Who knows how many bodies are out there with families waiting to figure out what happened to them… I have to give some sort of peace and if that means sitting across from him while he writes his confession, I’ll do it.” You told him and walked out the door before he could respond. You knew he would watch from behind the glass. You entered the room with your father, swallowing hard and sitting across from him, “Hi, dad.”

Your father grinned, “My beautiful Y/N! Happy birthday, my sweet girl.” He said, moving his hands across the table to take yours but you lean back away. He narrows his eyes at you, “Can smell the alcohol on you, m’dear. Isn’t it a little early for that?”

You grimaced at him, “Yeah, well, it’s my birthday and I can drink when I want. Let’s get to it,” You say, sliding a pencil and the notebook over to him, “Write it down. Every detail.”

Your father sighs, picking up the pencil and starting to write as he spoke, “I ain’t sure why you gotta make this so difficult.” He said, keeping the pencil gliding across the notebook, “All I asked was to see ya once a year on your birthday and ya act like it’s torture.”

“It is.” You replied shortly, keeping your gaze on the notebook instead of meeting his face.

Your father stops writing and looks at you, pointing the pencil at you, “I never treated you badly, little girl.” He reminded, “You had everything your heart could desire ’til you turned me in.”

“What you did was wrong.” You said, meeting his gaze, “Keep writing.”

Bucky watched through the window, his arms crossed and nostrils flaring at your conversation with the man who was your father. He had no idea this was what your father was like, there was nothing about this in your file but it did happen when you were a minor. You must’ve taken your mother’s name after the whole ordeal. Bucky watched you two have short replies back and forth until your father was done writing. He left the room to meet you outside the room as you handed the notebook to the district attorney who thanked you. He walked up and looked down at you with soft eyes, “You alright, Snips?”

You look up at him and nod slightly, “Yeah. I’m fine. Let’s get outta here.”

The rest of your birthday was better. Bucky had made sure to cancel the party Natasha and Wanda had planned for you tonight and instead just had a movie night with everybody. Bucky couldn’t help but feel pity for you- for what you went through at such a young age being the daughter of a prolific serial killer. But he related to the pain of being connected to something you didn’t want to be apart of or had no choice in being apart of. He commended your bravery silently, wondering what it was like for you to have to turn your father in at such a young age.

— A Change in the Weather —

The current mission you were on together wasn’t exactly going to plan like you two thought it would. Sure, you got the information needed but you didn’t notice the missile that came and struck the quinjet before it was too late and all the flares were used. You and Bucky had to jump out of the back before the missile made contact. The terrain wasn’t the best to be stuck in with no supplies. It was freezing temperatures and snowing. It didn’t help that the two of you had to jump into a lake either. Bucky pulled you from the water, swimming to the shore and carrying you over the slippery rocks as you coughed up water that had been stuck in your lungs.

“You alright, Snips?” Bucky asks, gently setting you back on your feet but keeping an arm around your waist to keep you from falling. This wasn’t the first time you two had ended up crashing a jet and having to be in the middle of nowhere but the last time was in a nice warm forest area not in a blizzard.

You nod, coughing a little more before taking a deep breath, “Yeah, I’m good.” You said with a half smile and a thumbs up. The cold wind quickly nipped at your wet skin, making you shiver, “Tony’s gonna be pissed about the jet. We gotta get out of this storm or we are going to be popsicles.”

Bucky nods, narrowing his eyes as he looked around, “We should head towards the mountains. Maybe we can find a cave to sit tight in until the storm passes and someone comes to find us. The emergency alarm should’ve been alerted with the jet went down.” He said, removing his arm from your waist and starting a slow stride towards the mountains.

You nod and follow beside him, keeping up with his strides. It wasn’t long until your teeth were chattering, your wet clothes sticking to your cold skin like ice. You look up at the mountain through the blizzard, only about another mile to go. Your legs started to feel numb and you had no idea how you were still moving them at this point. You stopped, leaning yourself against a tree.

Bucky stopped and looked back at you, “You good?” He asks, not really affected by the cold. He ran hot even if the end of his hair had turned into small icicles. Concern was etched into his features at how cold and weak you looked.

You nod, blinking slowly, “Yeah…” You said softly, your breath shaking from how cold you were. You used your hand to push you away from the tree but your legs betrayed you- instead of putting one foot in front of the other you just collapsed face first into the snow with a groan.

Bucky would’ve laughed at you but he knew your body couldn’t take the cold like his could. He leans down beside you, pulling you up and onto his back with ease, “Hold on, Snips. Not that far now.” He said, pulling your legs around his waist as he piggybacked you the rest of the way to the mountain. He could hear your teeth chattering together in his ear and could feel you shaking violently from the cold, “You need to stay awake.”

“I’m trying…” You whisper towards him between your shivering, “Talk to me about something… How about your date with the girl from accounting? What was her name… Lydia?”

“Lindsey.” Bucky corrected with a small chuckle as he continued stomping through the deep snow, “Ah, I bailed last minute.”

You closed your eyes but listened to him, “What? No! Why? Lindsey seemed nice.” You say softly to him. You couldn’t help but wrap your arms around his shoulders a little tighter. Bucky was warm even with all the snow collecting on you two.

Bucky shrugs slightly, his eyes scanning the mountain for any openings for a cave, “She wasn’t really my type.” He replied.

“What is your type?” You ask, your voice getting softer and more shaky. You needed to get out of this cold. Your fingers and legs were numb and you could feel your suit practically turning to ice on your skin.

You. Everything that you are. That’s my type. That’s what Bucky wanted to say but instead he settled with, “I’m not sure. I’ll know when I see it though.” He stopped in front of the mountain, looking at the wall but seeing no openings, “Snips, I’m gonna put you down for a minute and run ahead to look around for a cave.” He said, kneeling down and letting you slide off his back onto a rock. He turned and looked at you, staying at your eye level as you seated yourself on the rock with your arms wrapped around your body for any type of warmth, “Hey, you stay awake.” He said, placing a finger under your chin and pulling your face upwards to meet his gaze with your drooping eyes, “I mean it, Snips. Stay. Awake. I won’t be gone long, stay here and wait for me.”

You nod, “Okay. Staying awake.” You said with a small smile to him before watching him run off along the mountain side to look for a cave. Once his figure disappeared into the white of the blizzard, you pulled your legs up to your chest and wrapped your arms around them, tucking your head onto your knees. So… Cold… You thought. You thought you couldn’t get any colder but each passing second proved you wrong, “Stay awake…” You whisper to yourself, lifting your head up. Your vision was blurry as you looked for Bucky through the snow. You blinked a few times, trying to keep the sleep from taking over but you fell over into the snow, looking up to the white sky before darkness surrounded you and you did that thing you weren’t supposed to do. You fell asleep.

Bucky eventually found a cave a little away from where he left you. He ran back to the rock he left you on, groaning when he saw you weren’t sitting there, “Dammit, Y/N.” He growled out, looking around. He paused for a moment and listened, hearing your faint heartbeat and breathing. At first he thought you had wandered off then he heard the soft sounds before seeing some of your fingers sticking out from under the snow beside the rock. He ran over and dropped to his knees, pulling on your arm until you were out of the snow. He swings you up into his arms, pulling you close, “C’mon, doll. Wake up.” He muttered as he quickly started a run to the cave he had found earlier. He had to get you out of this blizzard before you were past the point of waking up again. He walked into the cave, still holding you close as he sat down as far away from the entrance as he could. He held you tightly against his chest as he sat on the floor, rubbing your back as he listened to your shaky breath and soft heartbeat, “Snips, wake up for me.” He muttered over to you.

You adjusted slightly in his grasp, blinking yourself awake. Your icy eyelashes ripped apart from each other, then you huddled towards the warmth in front of you, pressing your face into Bucky’s chest, “I’m awake..”

“Thank god. You had me worried there.” Bucky breathed out, keeping his hands running along your back, “Gonna warm you up a little more. No more sleeping. As soon as this storm lets up, someone will come get us. As soon as the jet went down it sent a signal.”

“I’m tired, Buck…” You whisper out against his chest, closing your eyes again at his warmth.

Bucky leans his chin on the top of your head, pulling you impossibly closer, “I know. Just stay awake. Let’s talk about… Logan. How’d your vacation with him go last month?” He asks. Truth is, Bucky didn’t want to talk about that annoying boyfriend of yours that always made you laugh and left kisses on the side of your head, but he had to keep you awake.

You sigh softly, “It didn’t… I broke up with Logan in the airport. I went alone.” You mumble out, “Turns out New Orleans is a pretty good place to be stuck alone. Everybody was friendly and it’s easier to get free drinks when you’re single and sad looking.”

Bucky’s jaw dropped slightly at your words. How could you keep this from him? Here he was, pining over you everyday he had to watch you with that stupid boyfriend. The whole time you were supposed to be on vacation he couldn’t help but be jealous over the fact that you were probably having a romantic time tangled in the sheets with Logan but apparently that wasn’t the case. He wished he would’ve known, he would have taken you to New Orleans and enjoyed it with you, “Why didn’t you tell me, Snips?”

“I didn’t think it was that important.” You say, pulling your head away from his chest to look up at him, “Plus I didn’t want to talk about the reason we broke up in the first place.” Logan had always been jealous of how close you and Bucky were. Logan claimed that you spent too much time with the tin-man even though you explained to him every time you were partners, best friends and that it wasn’t anything he thought. He told you how he would always notice Bucky staring at you from across a room like he was just waiting to get a moment alone with you. The way Bucky would take any chance to make you smile even if Logan was standing right there. He hated the inside jokes you had with Bucky. Logan had said he hated how you were his ‘partner’ and would go off on missions for weeks at a time alone together.

Bucky frowned slightly at you. You didn’t tell him this. You told him everything- even the dark bits nobody knew about like your dad. But you couldn’t tell him something as simple as a break-up with that moron Logan? He keeps his eyes on you huddled into the warmth of his chest, “Let’s talk about it.” He said, “We don’t have anythin’ else to talk about and you need to stay awake.”

You sigh and look up to him, “We were at the airport and I was late because I saying goodbye to you. That started a fight with Logan and he went in saying he doesn’t trust you with me and hated that we spent so much time together. Then he said I should ask for a new partner instead of being with the Winter Soldier.” You sigh again, “I may have punched him and got locked in the airport jail for twenty four hours before driving myself to New Orleans.”

Bucky listened, his jaw dropping slightly again at the story, “You got arrested punching your boyfriend?” He asks, a slight bit of pride filling his chest at the fact you defended him and punched Logan.

“Ex-boyfriend.” You corrected quickly, “And yeah… That’s why Tony was scolding me when I got back from vacation. Apparently I’m already on thin ice because of the whole journalist thing still and getting arrested in a public airport was sort of a big deal.”

Bucky smiles slightly, “Well, I’m proud of ya’.” He said down to you, “It’s about time you got rid of that dumb boyfriend of yours.”

You chuckle slightly, “Yeah… I guess so.” You mutter out quietly.

Bucky eventually lost hope in keeping you awake. Every time you drifted to sleep and he woke you up, you were out in an instant afterwards shivering against his warm body. The only thing he could do was hold you as close to him as possible, trying to keep you warm. He watched your lips slowly turning blue as you let out shivering breathes. Eventually the storm did let up after a while and Bucky could hear a quinjet incoming towards their location. He stood up with you still wrapped in his arms, carrying you towards the noise where Steve and Natasha were waiting at the quinjet. Bucky carried you inside and watched as Natasha inserted an IV into your arm to pump warm fluids through your body as well as wrapping you in heating blankets. There isn’t a word to describe the relief Bucky felt at washing your skin pinked up as well as your lips from the warmth, listening to your breaths grow less ragged and your shivering slowly subside. He planned on giving you a few weeks to recover from almost freezing to death as well as your recent break up before he would take the chance of asking you out.

— I Hate Trains—

Bucky had finally built the courage up to at least ask you out for dinner, or maybe make you dinner and watch a movie together. He hadn’t felt this jittery in a long time. He had been nervous about this for the past week, trying to figure out the perfect way to ask you out but not make it sound like just a friend hang out type of thing. But before he could ask, you two were sent by Tony and Steve on a mission. So here you two were sitting on opposite ends of a train after a random tip came in that there were dangerous Hydra affiliates traveling on the same train. You sat in your seat, pretending to read a book but keeping an eye out around you. The train was pretty much empty besides a few travelers. You looked down and pulled the book up to your nose, speaking into your earpiece to Bucky, “You alright? I know you hate trains.”

Bucky was sitting a few train cars over at the bar, drinking a whiskey and keeping a look out for anybody suspicious. He hears your words in his earpiece and has to restrain himself from rolling his eyes, “Shut up, Snips. I’m fine.” He muttered out and looked around slowly, “Everything’s good over here.”

“Good here too.” You mutter out back into the earpiece.

Bucky looked up as a new bartender from the wait staff came and poured him another whiskey. Bucky grumbled out a thanks to the bartender before throwing back the liquid in a single swallow. It hit him like a boulder instantly, his stomach twisting and his vision becoming blurred. He stood up and stumbled out of his stool, looking at the bartender who had a gun pulled out pointing right at him, “Snips… Trouble.”

As soon you heard there was trouble, you threw your book down and started in a rush to get to Bucky a few train cars down. You were quickly blocked by passengers and staff that were Hydra agents undercover. You pulled out your knife and made quick work, knocking them each back as you progressed through the train cars to get to Bucky. Some of the agents landed some blows to your face and stomach but nothing you couldn’t handle. When you managed to get to the train car, you quickly locked the door behind you and slowly walked down the corridor until you saw Bucky slumped in a chair dazed looking. You quickly rush over to him, “Buck, you alright?”

Bucky looked at you, he was seeing three of you staring at him with a concerned look and your voice sounded like you were far away. Whatever the bartender had slipped into his drink was strong enough to garble his brain and make his body feel numb, “Look out.” He muttered out, seeing an agent coming up behind you.

You quickly turn, punch the approaching agent square in the jaw before kicking him back. But just as the Hydra motto went: cut off one head and it’ll be replaced with two more. More agents started advancing at you. You pulled out your knives and fought them the best you could, trying to keep them away from Bucky at all costs. One agent managed to land a good punch to your ribs, causing you to drop to the floor with a yelp.

“Snips!” Bucky yelled in a slur, seeing you get beaten. He still saw three of you but could make out the red bruises that were forming along your jaw as well as the split lip.

You stood slowly, glaring at the four Hydra agents that remained. You kept yourself standing in front of Bucky, knowing he was probably the target they came for. You rolled your shoulders, pulling out your two blades for each hand, “You want him? Gotta go through me…” You hissed out at them. Your ribs ached, knowing you probably had a few cracked and you had taken quite a beating with it being many of them against you. But your will is strong and you wouldn’t let them take Bucky away. He was your partner. Your best friend. Your person.

Bucky watched as you continued to try and fight the Hydra agents to defend him. He clicked his earpiece, “Sam.. Steve… Anybody we need immediate extraction… I’m down.” He said softly before pushing himself to his feet. He stabilized himself by holding onto the tops of the seats as he watched you take a knee to the same spot from before on your ribs followed by a hard punch to your jaw that made you fall to the ground. As much as it swelled him with pride to see you fight tooth and nail for him, it also caused him pain seeing you take the beatings that were probably meant for him. He stumbled over to the Hydra agent that floored you and landed a hard punch with his vibranium arm to the agent’s face, causing him to fly back and topple over some other agents. With still blurry vision and stumbled steps, he picks you up carefully, “I got you, sweetheart.” He murmured out to you before turning and looking at the emergency door for the train. He walks over to it, adjusting to hold you in his right arm while he pried the emergency door off the hinges, tossing it over at the Hydra agents that were still trying to get to their feet, “Hold on tight, Snips.” He said, holding you to his chest and tucking your head into his arms before taking a jump off the moving train, ducking and rolling as he hit the hard dirt ground.

The next thing you remember after being floored by the enemy agent was staring at the ceiling of the quinjet and Sam trying to talk to you. He sounded like he was underwater and far away, you couldn’t make out his words very well. You look over to across the jet where you saw Steve talking to Bucky who was laying across the floor. When Bucky’s eyes met yours, he stopped mid sentence and tried to get up to go over to you but was held back down by Steve. You reached your arm a little to reach your hand out to him before passing out again.

Sam and Steve got you and Bucky back to the facility and to the med-bay where Dr. Cho was waiting. You were immediately given morphine while they waited for your x-rays to be done of your ribs. They worked on Bucky but whatever Hydra had slipped him was already wearing off and the wounds he sustained from jumping off the moving train were already healing. He was more concerned with how you were doing and the doctors informed him you were being well taken care of. After you were all patched up and weened off of the morphine, you woke up to see Bucky sitting beside you, glaring at you. You groaned slightly and lifted your hand to rub the side of your head, “What’s with the look, Sergeant?” You mumble out.

“You’re an idiot, Y/N.” Bucky hissed out at you much harsher than he originally wanted it to sound. He looked over your bruised face for a moment before his gaze softened, “Taking on all those agents alone was a stupid move. You could’ve been killed.”

“Okay first off, I didn’t die.” You said, looking over to him, “And two, you jumped off a moving train. Don’t talk to me about stupid.” You squirmed your way to sit up in the medical bed with a slight wince at the movement of your ribs, “What did you want me to do, Buck? Just let them kill you? Or worse, take you?” You shook your head at the thought. You couldn’t lose Bucky, “I’ll never let that happen.”

Bucky sighs as he listens to you. Your loyalty to him was unwavering, nothing could tear it down even if it meant you staring death in the eyes, “I’m sorry, Snips.” He said softly, meeting your gaze, “Just seeing you get hurt and not being able to do anything about it…” He flinched at the memories of you getting knocked down to the floor, getting up every time to defend him, “I don’t know what I would’ve done if I lost you.”

“Well, I’m still here. Didn’t die remember?” You say, reaching out and placing your hand on his gently, “You’re not losing me and I’m not losing you. Ever. You’re my person, Bucky.”

Bucky’s heart swelled as you called him your person. That’s all he ever wanted to be in every definition of the term. He wanted to be your best friend. Your safe place. Your only love. Your person. He intertwined his fingers with yours slowly and managed to give you a half smile, “And you’re my person, Y/N.” He said back to you before swallowing hard, “There’s something I’ve been wanting to ask you. I was actually going to ask you before then we got assigned on the mission…” He paused, watching you look at him curiously with an eyebrow raised, “I wanted to ask you out on a date.”

Your eyes widened slightly at his words. Bucky wanted to go on a date… with you? I mean, yes, you’ve thought about it a few times but he was your partner and thought it would be unprofessional to date a coworker let alone your partner which is why you tried dating a civilian like Logan but that obviously didn’t go well. Bucky was a beautiful man, you’ve known that since the first time you laid eyes on him. He had a matching attitude to yours and he was so easy to be around. You watched Bucky stare at you with nervous eyes about what your reaction would be, “Bucky… I…” You began, trying to find your words.

“I’m sorry.” Bucky said, looking away from you in a defeated fashion but kept ahold of your hand tightly as if he never wanted to let you go. He just wanted you to be happy and if that meant just being your best friend and partner, that’s what he would do.

You bit your lip for a moment before speaking, “What I was going to say was that this is a really awkward moment to be asking me out.” You said softly with a small smile, “You just asking me out because you thought I was gonna die? Or you feel pity for me getting the shit beat outta myself for you?”

Bucky narrows his eyes at you as you spoke. You were smiling and that wasn’t a no. You were being snippy with him and it caused a small smile to appear on his face as he squeezed your hand, “Neither, doll.” He told you confidently, “Like I said, was going to ask you before the mission and before I felt pity for you.”

You laugh a little, wincing slightly at the pain your ribs from the action but keeping your smile on your lips, “Alright, Buck.” You told him once you stopped laughing, “I would love to go on a date with you. But I’m not going anywhere until my face is healed up.”

Bucky beams at your answer, grinning like a teenage boy who just had his first kiss. This was just as good as a first kiss. You were the first one he’s actually felt something for since the 40’s. You were his person as much as he was yours, “Don’t worry about that, you’re still the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” He said, reaching up his free hand to sweep some hair from your face with his vibranium fingers, “Besides, I rather cook for you.”

You smile at him, “Oh that sounds good.” You reply before an obnoxious smile covered your features, “More of Bucky’s noodle.”

Bucky laughed slightly and shook his head, “Dammit, Snips.” He chuckled out, “You gotta stop saying that.”

_______________________________________________________________________

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#bucky barnes #bucky x you #bucky x y/n #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barns fanfiction

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nashibirne · 3 years

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London Calling - 1

Yes, I'm still in my August phase and I'm not even sorry...I just can't stop thinking about the sexy mf and so this idea crossed my mind and turned into a storyline. I have to admit I'm even more nervous about posting this than usual because it's a little different from what I've written before and I really hope it's not going to bore the shit out of you. If you like this although the tension between August and my ofc builds slowly, please let me know. I appreciate every single comment, reblog and/or like! Thanks 💜

Pairing: Augut Walker x OFC (Lu Johnson)

Words: ~3.0 k

Summary and A/N: This story plays with the thought of "what if…" What if August Walker had taken another road? What if he had turned into John Lark for completely different reasons? What if he had found love before becoming a bitter, disillusioned man?So the events of "London Calling" take place about ten years prior to MI:Fallout and August Walker hasn't joined the CIA yet, he's an FBI Agent and his new mission in London that lies ahead of him is going to be a challenging one. Maybe it's even going to change his life.

Warnings: 18+! This story deals with the topic of a toxic/abusive relationship, gaslighting and problematic behavior of one of the protagonists in general. Please don't read if these topics trigger you or make you feel uncomfortable. Luckily I've never been in any kind of toxic or abusive relationship, so I lack personal experience but I hope still do this sensitive topic justice.

English is not my mother tongue but the lovely @sillyrabbit81 was so kind to be my very helpful and patient Beta! Thank you so, so much, bunny 🐇💜 You have no idea how much I appreciate your support, your encouragement, your help and the fact that you took the time to proofread this. (Edited by me, so there might still be mistakes and they're all mine)

📖 You can find my other fics on my Masterlist 📖

Credits: I don't own August Walker or anything related to MI:Fallout. Pics for the moodboard from pinterest, face claims: Lu - Hannah van der Westhuysen, Adam - Freddie Thorpe. FaceApp helped me with making August look a little younger

Taglist

@lunedelorient @inlovewithhisblueeyes @willkatfanfromasia @hell1129-blog @mis-lil-red @agniavateira @kebabgirl67 @omgkatinka @legendarywizarddetective @summersong69 @taebfada @xxxkatxo @artandotherdelights @notabronte @littlefreya @luclittlepond @eldarwen333 @meowpurrbooks @marantha @liliumdream @enchantedbytomandhenry @greensleeves888 @witcherfanfics101 @margauxmargaux07 @radaofrivia @m07belzen @a-little-counter-esperanto @starstruckkittyangel @mary-ann84 @sillyrabbit81 @emelinelovesjc @wheretheriversrunintothesea @lam0ureuxq @kingliam2019 @pandaxnienke

So...now...off we go...story under the cut!

"London? Are you kidding me, Kyle?"

August Walker stopped pacing the room with an incredulous frown. He raised his eyebrows, his blue eyes fixed on the other man's face.

"Absolutely not," his superior and close friend of many years said slowly, drawling both words more than necessary to stress that he wasn't joking. "They want you in London."

"What about my promotion? You gave me your word. You wanted me to finish Operation Old Bridge and that's what I did. You wanted Tony Salerno's head on a silver platter, that's what you got."

August's voice was surprisingly calm, his expression blank but his gaze was blazing with anger and frustration. His hands were balled into fists and he only opened them to lean on Kyle's wooden desk, which was very tidy, except for the piles of case files that slowly grew larger than him.

"Damn, Kyle, I risked my life when I went undercover and joined this Mafia mob."

"I know, August, but unfortunately my hands are tied. Interpol wants our best undercover Agent and that's you. Just this last job and afterwards you can happily join the CIA." SSA Kyle Langdon leaned back in his chair and clasped his hands behind his neck with a sigh and an apologetic shrug.

"That's exactly what you said last time. Do you expect me to believe you?"

"As I said, it's not my doing. Manchester contacted Bill because the NCB needs help, blue notice, August. You know that we cannot say no and that means...London calling, man," Kyle pointed out with a smile. "You should be grateful, it's a great opportunity. So just do your job there, return and get your promotion."

"Why don't you just send someone else and I get my promotion right now? We have many great undercover agents. Craig for example. He's crazy about British pussies. He'll love London." August straightened his tall body before crossing his arms in front of his broad chest that was forced into a white button down shirt and a black suit jacket.

"No, Craig cannot go because they want you in this operation. They asked explicitly for Agent August Walker. That's a huge appreciation of your work and a big compliment. You're only 27, August, not many FBI agents are this well known and respected at such a young age." Kyle sat up straight, mirroring August's body language.

"I don't give a shit about their respect and appreciation. I know my worth and I know I'm your best agent. I've worked very hard to get where I stand now... just one step away from becoming a CIA agent," August said angrily, his brows furrowed, his eyes dark. "Fuck, Kyle...why use an American agent in a purely British matter in the first place? They could easily…"

"Listen, August," Kyle cut in and he got up and walked around his desk to face his friend, "the thing is, I am not asking you to do this, okay? It's not a request, it's an order. There's no room to negotiate."

He gave him a friendly smile to temper his words before placing a hand on August's shoulder. "No hard feelings. It's…"

"It's the job. Yeah. I know." August took a step back and nodded his head slowly, curling his lip. He had heard his boss say these words so many times and he hated that line although he was perfectly aware that it was the truth. That was the way it worked. They got orders, they did the job, no matter what. He took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes for a moment, feeling a bad headache brewing behind his forehead.

"I have already talked to Sloane about this. Erica seconds the motion by Interpol because she wants you to prove yourself in another operation abroad. If you are successful you will be part of her team. It's simple, Walker. Just don't fuck this up."

"I've never fucked anything up,” August snarled, clenching his teeth, his jaw grinding.

"See, that's exactly why they want you,” Kyle answered with a triumphant smile.

****

"Lu!" Adam Mayfield knocked impatiently on the bathroom door. "Get ready. We're going to be late." He glanced at his Rolex with an annoyed sigh before he straightened his tuxedo jacket and adjusted his bow tie for the umpteenth time. "God damn, this meeting is important." He banged his fist against the door again and rolled his eyes when he heard her muffled voice behind the bathroom walls. "Just a minute, Adam."

Although he was really a little angry that it took her so long to get ready, they weren't actually late, in fact there was more than enough time to meet up with his clients at The London Opera. He had just said that to make her hurry up. Lu had the tendency to dawdle around, she got easily distracted and it was his responsibility to help her with that bad habit and usually it worked well.

Compared to the woman she was when they had met at a party more than five years ago, she had improved her behavior a lot, thanks to his efforts and his strict education. She had been common as muck when they started dating, an ordinary working class girl, smart but not a bit sophisticated, pretty but with no sense of fashion or taste, ambitious but without any connections. He had changed that, he had moulded her into the beautiful, stylish, refined and cultured woman she was now. She was his work, his success, his pride...she was his.

When the door of the bathroom that was adjacent to the master bedroom finally swung open, the welcoming sight of his fiancee interrupted his thoughts and picked up his spirits immediately.

"Wow, this was worth the wait." He eyed her up and down with a smirk and leaned in for a kiss but she stopped him with her hands pressed against his narrow chest.

"No, you're gonna ruin my make-up, darling." Lu smiled at him and spinned around to present him her dress. The black, belted Burberry gown was elegant and classy. High-necked on the front but with a low back that showed off lots of her perfect, lightly tanned skin. Chaste and sexy at the same time, just the way Adam liked it.

"That dress is stunning, baby. You look wonderful." He grabbed her by her waist and pulled her close to leave a sensual kiss on her slim neck while his hands wandered to her ass where they rested for a moment before they squeezed her firm cheeks. "I really hope you're not wearing any panties."

Lu freed herself from his embrace with a frown and stepped in front of the large wall mirror opposite of their king-size bed to check her reflection one last time, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind her ear.

"Of course I'm wearing panties. We're going to the opera with your VIP clients." She walked to her dressing table and took the diamond-encrusted, leaf-shaped brooch Adam had given her for their five years anniversary on New Year's Eve. "Would you help me with this?"

Adam took the piece of jewelry from her slim hand and pinned it carefully on her dress, right above her heart. He kissed her tenderly but his expression was stern when he spoke. "Strip it off."

Lu's eyes grew wide. "What?"

"You heard me. Get rid of your thong. I know you're wearing one of these slutty, tiny g-strings to make sure your look is flawless and your underwear doesn't show under your dress." His face hardened slightly, yet his voice remained soft and smooth.

"But…"

"Don't test me, Lu,” he said slowly, still smiling but screwing up his beautiful grey eyes. "I want you naked underneath that dress in case I want to have a little fun with you tonight. I mean, we both know Rigoletto is gonna be boring as fuck, we may need a little distraction." He gave her a lewd smirk and with a tiny frown and a raise of his brows he motioned her to be obedient. "You don't want anything to get in my way, do you? Not even a little piece of lace, right?"

"Of course not, Adam," she answered softly with a smile she had to force onto her lips. Lu reached under her dress with shaking hands and pulled down her panties till they hit the floor so she could step out of them carefully, making sure they wouldn't get tangled up in her stiletto heels.

"Good girl," Adam said with a wolfish grin and with a sly smile he added, "you know what, baby? I think I'm going to have a little fun with you just now. My clients can wait."

Lu didn't even try to argue with him, knowing exactly that she was in a no-win situation. She closed her eyes and turned around, lifting up her dress, when she heard him unzip his fly.

****

While Adam Mayfield was fucking his fiancee in front of a mirror in one of the most exclusive penthouses in London, August Walker was having a bad coffee, sitting at a table in the plain and pretty ugly meeting room of their FBI department at the J. Edgar Hoover Building in Washington DC, listening to the explanations of Kyle and the lead of 'Operation Brutus', Christine Carpenter. He didn't like her much but he respected her competence and her leadership qualities and most of all he trusted her with giving him the perfect fake identity for the job in London.

"So, what do you have for me, Chris?" August looked at her with a smile, but his eyes gave away that he'd rather be somewhere else.

"Well, let me just explain the background first, okay?"

She pressed a button on her laptop and the handsome face of a young man appeared on the screen behind her.

"This", she nodded at the picture, "is Adam Arthur Clive Mayfield, 27 years old, only son of Alfred Mayfair and his late wife Erica, heir of the immense family fortune and the private bank Mayfield & Holmes, that was established by his ancestors more than 200 years ago. He is one of the most eligible bachelors in the United Kingdom, and one of the richest, too. His father officially still runs the family business but he isn't in the best state of health, so in fact Mayfield junior is the one who's at the helm. Unlike his father he's not a man of integrity, he's been on the radar of the British authorities for years. From dealing drugs and other minor crimes in his college years to insider trading, investor fraud, misappropriation and money laundering nowadays. He is a big fish, has connections all over the world, drug rings, gun runners, human traffickers, you name it."

"And the Brits are not able to catch him without my help?" August couldn't help but smirk cockily.

"Don't be so full of yourself, Walker. The problem is, he is a damn genius. IQ score beyond 150, very clever, very cautious, a strategic mastermind, always ahead of the authorities. They tried to infiltrate his business a few times but they failed miserably, so now they want to concentrate on his private life."

"And this is gonna be my part?"

"Exactly," Kyle said, getting up to join Christine in front of the screen. "He has a few bodyguards he always hires from an American agency. They are known for their discretion and loyalty and the bodyguards they place with their clients are the best of the best. Unfortunately one of his bodyguards died in an accident a week ago and now he needs a new one. Luckily, we have the owner of the agency by the balls for several major crimes. He cooperates or he will end up behind bars for the rest of his life."

"To cut a long story short, he will place you with Mayfield and you can become part of his daily life. Your job consists of monitoring and collecting information and data. I will give you an exact briefing later," Christine finished Kyle's explanations.

"So I will just be his lapdog?"

"Not his," Kyle grinned, "hers."

The picture on the screen changed, now showing a young, blonde woman. The second he saw her, he judged her.

He could tell what she was like, just by her looks, by the way she jutted her chin in the picture, by her perfectly manicured fingers, by her flawless make up and the expensive clothes. He knew women like her, a walking stereotype, the blond, beautiful Trophy Wife Barbie that's always by Millionaire Ken's side. Pretty on the outside, boring on the inside. Lame bimbos that only lived for showing off their designer clothes and it-bags, tripping around in high heels that cost more than he earned in a month, finding self-fulfilment in stupid things like designing overpriced furniture, running a yoga studio or doing charity stuff. Useless, needless but still blueprints for millions of girls who would literally give the shirt off their backs to catch themselves a rockstar, a famous actor, a hyped football player or just a rich heir.

"This is Mayfield's fiancee," Kyle said, pointing at the photo, "you're gonna be her personal bodyguard."

"How am I supposed to monitor him, when I have to be on her heels all the time?"

"You're gonna live with them, there will be lots of opportunities. Just make her trust you, we need her to open up, get her to talk. They've been together for years, she should know what he's involved in," Chris explained and she made it sound easy when in fact it wasn't only hard to gain a stranger's trust, in this case it was even dangerous.

"Alright. Tell me about her."

"Her name is Lucretia Johnson, 24 years old," Kyle started reading the memo.

"Lucretia?" August let out an amused snort.

"Yeah," Kyle grinned, "her mother seems to have a preference for strange names, her younger sister's called Petronilla."

"What the fuck?" August laughed out loud. "Is she some kind of Latin professor or something?"

"Well, first of all she's dead," Christine took over with a serious look on her face, she was notorious for her lack of humour, "and secondly, no, she was not a professor. She was an alcoholic and a complete mess. An irresponsible, uncaring mother who spent too much time fucking around and too little time taking care of her daughters. Petronilla was taken away from her when she was 15 and was handed over to youth welfare. Lucretia was 18 at the time and lived on the campus of the Chelsea College of Art and Design."

"So she's an artist, huh?" August knew the ridicule in his voice wasn't very professional but he just couldn't help it.

"Maybe, at least she has a master degree in curating and owns a little gallery in Covent Garden. Well, actually Mayfield owns it, she just runs it."

"So, to sum it up, she's made it from the daughter of a drunkard to the fiancee of one of the richest heirs in the kingdom. She's fucked her way to the top. I guess that's all I need to know about her."

"Don't be so sure, August. She seems to be smart," Kyle threw in, "I think there's more to her than the pretty face. It's just a gut feeling but I guess you'll find out soon enough."

August took a deep breath, rolling his eyes at Kyle. "Sure. She's the saint that sleeps with the devil."

"That's not what I said, mate. But whatever she is, you'll have to deal with it."

"What's my cover, Christine?" August wanted to know.

"Well, your alias was born in 1981, just like you, but on the fifth of May. Born and raised in Portland, Maine. Only child, mother deceased, not on speaking terms with his father, a mechanic who still lives in Portland. You can find the details of your early life and your family tree in the memo," she waved the file above her head before she continued. "Careerwise...ex military, ex cop, had some problems following the rules and respecting the law. Single, no ex-wifes, no kids. We kept it plain and simple. They will not dig deep anyway. According to the agency boss, Mayfield expects his bodyguards to be disciplined, always on duty, quiet and discreet. There's three of you. Benjamin Garner is Mayfield's watchdog and his personal assistant, Edward Landow was Johnson's guard you're gonna replace, Andrew Brown is the back-up. You and Garner live with them, Brown lives nearby with his girlfriend. There's other staff of course, a housekeeper, a cook, cleaners. No chauffeur, no butler, no assistant, that's all part of your job."

"Great," August let out an annoyed snort, "so basically I'm gonna be her servant."

"Basically," Chris fixed her gaze on August, "you're not gonna leave her side unless you're told to. Just be professional, stay in the background, prick up your ears, listen closely and be careful. No obvious nosing around. Their penthouse is a high tech fortress, including video monitoring, so just…"

"I know how to work undercover," August cut in impatiently, "just gimme that fucking file and let me do my job."

Christine gave him a pissed look but she handed him the document with a shrug and without further comment. August grabbed it from her hands, staring at the data of his new life, his new name and the composite sketch of his new look. He would have to stop shaving.

*****

tbc

#henry cavill #cavillry #henry cavill fandom #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill fanfiction #august walker #august walker fanfiction #august walker x ofc #slow burn

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camxnoel-updates · 3 years

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Cameron Monaghan brought the character of Ian Gallagher to life on Showtime’s hit series, Shameless. The series aired for a total of 11 seasons after originally premiering in 2011. It ranked as the network’s no. 1 comedy, longest-running series, and had the youngest-skewing audience of any Showtime series. Monaghan also joined two legendary universes with roles in both Gotham and Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order, which I got to ask him about too!

The final season of SHAMELESS finds the Gallagher family and the South Side at a crossroads, with changes caused by the COVID pandemic, gentrification, and aging to reconcile. As Frank confronts his own mortality and family ties in his alcoholic and drug-induced twilight years, Lip struggles with the prospect of becoming the family’s new patriarch. Newlyweds Ian (Cameron Monaghan) and Mickey (Noel Fisher) are figuring out the rules and responsibilities of being in a committed relationship while Deb embraces her individuality and single motherhood. Carl finds an unlikely new career in law enforcement and Kevin and V struggle to decide whether a hard life on the South Side is worth fighting for.

Along with the final season, fans also got a six-episode series that featured new Shameless scenes juxtaposed with a retrospective look at each character’s journey over the prior 10 seasons, titled, Shameless Hall of Shame. The first episode followed Ian and Mickey, showcasing their unique relationship and its evolution from a teen fling into a loving, complicated marriage.

I was able to chat with the actor over zoom and ask him all of my burning questions regarding the series finale, Ian and Mickey’s future, the show’s open ending, the representation his character provided to those watching, what he kept from the set, his future projects, and so much more! Keep reading to find out everything he told me.

So first of all, I want to say a huge congrats to you for wrapping Shameless after 11 seasons and bringing this character to life, who has inspired so many and that so many relate to. I wanted to ask, what has your time on the show meant to you and how would you describe how it helped you grow as an actor?

Cameron Monaghan: I mean, it’s so difficult to distill 11 years into some sort of concise answer, but it’s meant a lot for so many reasons. I think that obviously it’s been important for my career and my life in a sense of how it’s not only given me exposure but also given all of us a platform as performers to be able to tell interesting and challenging stories and to really develop and grow. Obviously, we had a couple of old pros on the show– when I say old pros, I’m not calling them old, just that they’re professionals and they’ve been doing it for a long time, but like William H. Macy, Joan Cusack, and a number of people who had very storied careers. Then we had actors on the show who had never appeared on anything prior and for a lot of us, we were somewhere in the middle, where we’d been working for a number of years, but hadn’t been given the opportunities to really put ourselves out there in such a significant way.

So being able to get an audience over the course of 11 years– and the show grew steadily, it was a marginal success at first, but it wasn’t until like season 4 or 5 that it really started to be seen by people and really connect on a larger platform, and a lot of that had to do with Netflix. When that happens we had such an influx of people kind of saying how they related to it and I think that that’s something that I’ve really taken away– I think we’ve all taken away, to be able to hear a lot of other people’s stories and how they’ve connected these stories in entirely different ways. Everyone has had different favorite characters or storylines and they have brought their own personal experiences to that, but for people to say that they feel seen or heard in some ways by these stories, I think is very special. You know, the character that I was playing was an LGBT love story, as well as a story about mental illness, and coping and struggling with that. I had so many positive responses from people regarding those things, and it was amazing to hear people’s responses. So I think that not only was I able to grow as an actor but being able to hear that response and feedback helps you grow as a human being too. I guess that’s what one of my major takeaways is.

What was that final day of shooting like for you, and how did you feel when you officially wrapped?

It was a bit surreal. I don’t think it really set in at first. It’s always funny when you wrap on a project, I feel like it comes in waves, and with something like a TV show, you start to feel it on the last few episodes of like, “Oh, wow, it’s going to be over.” You start trying to find your little ways of saying goodbye to people and understanding that these conversations are obviously not the last for everyone; we’re still close with each other, but you start to recognize that within the context of the show they’ll be your last so that’s a difficult thing. I’ve never been particularly good at saying goodbye, you know? I feel like in general, I’m kind of a person that just likes to be like, “I’m just going to walk away from it cause I don’t know what else to do really.”

So, we were shooting pretty late at night and we were all there hanging out and cracking jokes, and it was just of like, “Oh, I guess that’s it.” We all kind of looked at each other like, “Well, what do we do now?” A bunch of us stuck around for a few hours afterward, we popped a bottle of champagne, and we sat in each others’ trailers and just kinda hung out until pretty early in the morning, the next day. Then we’ve all kind of just been hanging out and seeing each other since. Everyone’s been really busy, thankfully. So we’ve been traveling and going to different cities for work, but when we’ve been in town we’ve been trying to see each other. I had dinner with Jeremy and Ethan, who played my brothers on the show last week. Noel Fisher, I just saw yesterday. I’m going to see Shanola Hampton in a few days. We’re all still staying in touch with each other is what I’ll say.

Were you personally satisfied with the ending of the show? I think it was very open-ended, which was kind of nice and left a lot open for the future. And was there anything you wanted to see for your character that we weren’t able to?

Endings are difficult in general, but I feel like, especially with a show like Shameless, which is a show about a slice of life and sort of how existence doesn’t really fall into a perfect narrative; it tends to be messy and kind of just continue in spite of itself, and it’s a stream of these little victories and these constant mistakes. So you can’t really cap off a pure ending to a story like that. I think that what John Wells tried to do with writing it is not really conclude the stories. He concludes certain aspects, but the way that he explained it to us is he wanted it to feel like if you were walking through the streets of Chicago, maybe you might bump into these characters. Maybe they’re still out there and maybe they’re still doing things. Some of us had more resolution than others.

I would actually say that the Ian and Mickey storyline was one that did have a fair amount of resolution for the final episode. It was about their anniversary, how they were going to deal with their future, and they’ve kind of figured out some sort of life with each other. There are still large questions, whether or not they’re going to have kids and what the terms of their marriage will entail in the future, but those are questions that are lifelong questions, and ones that I think that we know these characters well enough and we understand their relationships well enough that we can draw our own conclusions for. I think there is something beautiful about the fact that the audience will project what their future for these characters will be.

I think it was a challenging final season because of so many extenuating factors in the world. All shows, businesses, everything was trying frantically to keep up with a changing landscape, and the fact that we were able to make it in spite of all of those things, I think is a victory in itself; one that we are all proud of and happy with. I do think there’s still a future, years out, where we might return to these characters and explore them further. I think that I’m happy putting them to bed for now, I think we all are, but I would like to maybe check in with these characters in 5 or 10 years, and just kind of see where they’re at and what they’re doing.

Kind of like a little Shameless movie, just to play catch up for a little bit.

Yeah, I think that’s something that is kind of more possible now with these streaming networks. They’ve done it with a few series, to sometimes success and sometimes mixed results, but I do think there is a possibility of a reunion season or something like that, depending on where the show fits into the public consciousness in a few years, you know? It’s an open question, but one I’d be excited to see.

How you would describe Ian’s evolution and journey on the show?

I think that Ian has come a long way in terms of confidence and assuredness in himself and his own decisions. I think that’s what a lot of the exploration of the character was, especially in the middle seasons between seasons like 3 to 8 or 9, are this guy who sort of just doesn’t necessarily know what he wants for himself and he’s dealing with a bunch of surprises about himself that he doesn’t necessarily understand, or hasn’t really come to terms with. I think it’s amazing to see Ian in these earlier episodes where he’s kind of getting kicked around by his relationships and by his family. He’s kind of a forgotten kid a little bit. He’s like a middle child, who’s just sort of– people aren’t really looking out for him. His brother does to a certain extent, but also his brother is kind of telling him what he wants for himself and Ian isn’t as active.

At a certain point, he starts to really come into his own as an adult and as a human being. I think it’s amazing how we see him as not only a big brother by the end of the series, but also sort of– there’s something a bit paternal about him. He becomes a bit of a father figure, even a little bit in his relationships. I think it’s interesting how Mickey was always sort of the commanding force and deciding factor for so much of the series; when Ian was really struggling with mental illness and down in the dumps, Mickey is the kind of guy who was looking after him, but by the end of the series, Mickey is a bit childlike in certain ways. Ian is kind of protecting him to a certain extent, and even with his older brother, Lip, Ian is sort of looking out for him in a slightly paternal way, which I think is kind of interesting. He really comes a long way in sort of being confident enough in himself to start looking out for other people that I think is a really great quality. It makes him a character who has made a fair amount of mistakes but mistakes that we understand, and I think that ultimately he’s a guy that I understand and really relate to because he does have this quality to him.

So I have to ask you some questions about Ian and Mickey. I personally love them together, they were one of the reasons I started watching the show. In the end, as you said, we kind of get some closure, but also an open ending with them and it’s a happy one; they’re together and celebrating their anniversary. In your head, what do you think that their future holds? Do you think kids are in the picture; do you think they’re going to be parents? Ideally, what is your version of their happy ending, if you could create it?

I think that they both still need to do some work. I would say that they need to do work as a couple in their marriage still of just defining the terms of what is it that they want financially, sexually, intimately, personally, all of these things. It’s a show full of people who aren’t great at communication or dealing with their own feelings– I mean to a certain extent, most human beings aren’t, but these guys, especially, come from a rough background and they have that tendency of just kind of wanting to push that stuff down. Ian has really opened up Mickey and Mickey to a certain extent has really opened up Ian over the course of the series, but I still don’t think they’re fully all the way there. Mickey has a lot of emotional baggage when it comes to parenthood, his father, and dealing with responsibility.

I don’t know if Mickey is fully there. Hopefully, he would be one day in the future. And hopefully, Ian would be patient enough to give him the space to make that decision and to not want to rush into it. I do think that it would be something in their future. Parenthood was a huge motivating factor for Ian earlier in the series, going so far as to steal someone’s baby at some point because he wants to be a father. I would hope that they would be able to provide that for him and for themselves, but there’s no way to know, we have to sort of make that assumption for ourselves, but I think so.

Ian and Mickey have been this fan-favorite couple that means so much to the LGBTQ+ community in terms of representation. What was the moment that you personally started rooting for them?

I think it was pretty early. I was rooting for Ian from the first episode, from the pilot, but the second that Mickey gets introduced to the show, he brought such a fun dynamic with him. Obviously, a massive amount of charisma that was coming from Noel Fisher. The scenes were always fun, exciting, and felt steeped in a lot of dramatic tension. Whether or not they were destined to be together was kind of a question that still was developing. In the first season to the third season, the Mickey character is pretty rough emotionally and physically; he is at points pretty, extremely abusive in a way that is great for a character and for a story, but if I was talking to Ian as a person in real life, I would probably say, “Get the hell away from this guy. He’s awful for you.”

But within the context of the story, we’re able to get the internal life of these characters and we understand them well enough to really want to be rooting for them and see them succeed. It builds into this pretty epic love story of these characters that really do feel kind of intertwined by fate and something greater. It feels like you have these forces pulling for them in a way that you want with every fiber of your being to see it work out for them because you care for them. So obviously, Noel and I had been rooting for these characters the entire time, but it was really fun playing some of the ridiculousness of the situations of the two of them, where they were just very at odds with each other at times. It was a joy bouncing off of each other in both the highs and the lows of the character.

Is there sort of a message that you hope their love story gives to viewers that see themselves in these characters?

Well, I think the aspects of the characters, especially for Mickey, that I’m sure a lot of people relate to, and it is sort of the greatest tragedy of the character, is how he is deeply in the closet and he feels that he can’t embrace his own self and also this beautiful love because of this situation that he’s in; a traumatic home life, specifically an abusive father, and also an environment that doesn’t allow him to be what he wants to be. I guess the message that I do hope that people who are relating to that get is that there are places where you can be accepted and there are better options for you, and sometimes that takes time, but as cliched as it is, it does get better. So hopefully people are able to find these safe environments for themselves to be able to improve the quality of life and to get better situations. I hope that people find hope in the story ultimately.

Another relationship of Ian’s that I have to discuss is his relationship with the whole Gallagher family; that was a focus of the series since day one. What was your favorite part of their dynamic and playing off that?

Obviously, the chaos of the family is always really fun to play. We had these scenes that were kind of an amazing balancing act of like 8 or 9 people in a scene, all messing around with these different storylines that are bouncing off of each other, intertwining, and you have this really biting sharp satirical dialogue that all had a very specific rhythm to it and was a sort of flow that was established early in the show that was kind of kept across the entire series; one that was a genuine joy as a performer to play. But I think that specifically the relationship that I’ve always been a fan of and I love from the start, is probably– it’s definitely one of my favorite relationships on the show– was the relationship between Ian and Lip.

There’s not a lot of depictions of brotherhood and intimacy between men that are deeply sensitive, close, and uncomplicated. Those are definitely scenes that I felt very personally moved by, of two brothers who have just had a world of shit, a lot of complicated and messed up things that have been dropped on their heads that they’ve been dealing with for the entirety of their lives, but they’ve sort of made a pact that they were just gonna be there for each other no matter what. If they weren’t there for each other, who knows if they would have survived. I think that there’s something really amazing about those scenes in that they’re just very open with each other, and that’s something that’s established right from the start and was kind of one of those key relationships for the show that survived until the very last episode and that I’m very proud of, cause I do think that those are some of my personal favorite scenes of the show.

Here’s a fun three-part question: most challenging, fun, and insane storyline for you as an actor?

Most challenging would probably have to be… we reached a point in the series around season 8 and they were trying to contextualize the characters in a modern way, put them into new circumstances, but try to retain what the characters were, but they’ve moved a lot from where they originally were. We were at a point where we were getting so many new writers onto the series, and the show I feel struggled for a second, which happens with any series that’s been on for a while. It felt like there was a point where they didn’t know what they wanted to do with Ian. There were a couple of episodes where I was kind of looking at the story and being like, “What are we doing here? It doesn’t really feel like anything is happening with him and we’re kind of floating across these relationships.” I wasn’t sure what we were trying to say, but that being said, that is kind of true to life, to a certain degree, where we do find ourselves sometimes in these ruts where we don’t know what we’re doing with our relationships, our lives, and ourselves. There is a little bit of a struggle there and that is kind of real to a certain degree, and I do think having those episodes make when they started finding the way with the character and relationships again, kind of more satisfying cause he sort of loses his way and he comes back. So it was kind of a challenge, but I think it all worked out ultimately.

Craziest would have to be… so this is one that no one would even know is like a thing really, no one would even think of it as a thing, but the scene in the pilot episode, Lip and Ian jump out of like a window and they run out of a house to escape an angry parent, right? And they’re kind of running in a rush. So they run out in their socks, down the street, and it’s the middle of January in Chicago and the streets are covered in mud, water, and ice. I think it’s the first time I’ve ever felt in my life that I actually thought my feet were going to like fall off. I thought we were going to have to amputate a toe because of frostbite. We did the scene a bunch of times, and because Jeremy and I were young, we were just sort of trying to be tough, just like, “Yeah, whatever, it’s not a problem. We can do this over and over, not a big deal.” Then I definitely learned a lesson of like, when something is a problem, you have to say, it’s a problem.

Most fun… I don’t know if I can distill it to just one scene. I think the most fun was just getting to interact with all of the wildly different personalities of our show, and just kind of get to sit around and hang out with everyone. There were times that we would just be laughing so hard that one of us would start and we just end up crying, laughing. Usually, it was because of Howey cracking jokes or something like that, but it could be just the dumbest to smallest thing, but it’s the kind of thing when you become so comfortable with people, it just starts to happen. Sometimes it was just the downtime and these little small kind of boring or mundane moments that really ended up being some of my favorite experiences.

Did you take anything from the set at all?

I did. So in the final season, there’s a storyline where Frank steals Nighthawks, the Edward Hopper painting, and that was actually done in cooperation with the Art Institute of Chicago and the Edward Hopper estate. They did these really high-resolution prints of it that were then painted over by hand, and they even took pictures of the back and mimicked the way that the canvas wrapped over, the small writing, and everything. It’s a pretty damn good forgery of Nighthawks. So I stole one of those and that’s hanging up in my living room. I also stole one of the mugs cause in the show we’re always having breakfast and drinking coffee, so there are these rooster mugs and I stole one of those.

Since you’re talking to The Nerds of Color, I have to ask you about Star Wars and Gotham. What stood out to you about Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order compared to your other work, and what did it mean to you to join that iconic universe?

I mean, what stood out pretty quickly was that it had a tone all of its own. Star Wars is a very specific tone. It has sort of its own language, pacing, style, and rhythm; there’s something very specific about it, something that I’m a big fan of. I grew up watching the Star Wars movies and that was definitely… you know, anytime that you’re jumping onto something with an active and passionate fanbase it’s going to be slightly intimidating. There’s no way around that. Thankfully, I’ve at this point done enough projects with really passionate fanbases to kind of understand what that entails, which is that there’s going to be a lot of opinions. A lot of people are really excited about things and no matter what, even the smallest things, someone’s going to be very, very angry about it. That comes along with the territory, but that’s kind of fun to a certain degree; it’s fun to hear such minutiae and being examined, and these conversations are ones that are being had on set too.

There’s so much conversation between the Lucasfilm story group, Respawn, and EA, who are the production companies behind the game, and also the cast, directors, and everybody involved are sometimes discussing, “How does a person stand? How does one get onto a speeder bike? What kind of sound does this monster make?” And there’s always a genuine deference and respect to the series. We know how much people care about it. We know because we care about it a lot, and everyone on this project are huge fans of the source material. So that was exciting to be a part of, obviously; I mean, that should go without saying. It’s so freaking cool to be a Jedi and to be the face of this massive franchise, and to be able to not only be a part of a really well-known property and part of this large project but also to be able to tell an interesting and intimate story within it. For as bombastic as all of the action is, and as big as the Star Wars universe is, I feel the story of Cal Kestis and the people that he interacts with is a somewhat smaller one and a more intimate one. It’s ultimately, at least for me, a pretty emotionally resonant one and a story that I actually very much care about and relate to. I think that was probably the most exciting part about it, was being able to within the framework of this big machinery of what Star Wars is, still tell a story that might actually affect people and make them feel things, I think was just really cool.

Could you describe how it felt to take on the role of the Joker?

Exciting, intimidating, an honor, and challenging; it’s a role that I didn’t take lightly. I understood what it was, which is that a lot of the people who were seeing me in the role had never heard of me and didn’t know who I was, and it was a way to prove myself and to show off my take of what I could do with this. It was really cool too with that show that we were getting to do something that had never really been done before with the character, which is to show multiple versions and possibilities of what that character could be, and to kind of tip our hat to some of the famous stories that came before, and then kind of give a unique spin and show off some new things with it as well.

Obviously, that show was heightened to a certain degree and kind of existed in this wacky over-the-top violent, but also slightly cartoony universe that was kind of its own little thing. That was really fun to play around with it and to totally get to do something kind of different with that, something that we hadn’t seen before. But I think it was specifically really intimidating because, at that point of casting when I performed the episode in the first season of that show, no one had played the role since Heath Ledger had posthumously won the Oscar for the role. So the only people who had touched it in live-action had been Jack Nicholson and Heath Ledger, which are just massive, massive shoes to fill and two people that I deeply admired. Again, it’s just sort of a case of respect and wanting to kind of come in, just do my absolute best with the material, and to try to pay a certain level of honor to the people that came before.

Anything you can tease about what you’re going to do next? Any future projects?

Absolutely. It’s always difficult with this stuff because there’s only so much you can say. I can say that I just shot a film that hasn’t been announced yet, but I was out of town shooting it for a while. It’s the starring role in the film, and that will come out to theaters in the near future. I’m also working on another project over the course of the next year that I will be working on and off for. Again, thanks to the joys of NDAs, I can’t actually say what it is. I have a movie that I will be doing in June and then also I’m starting to move a bit behind the camera as well. So I’m working on producing and starring in a feature in August or September. And I’m writing a couple of projects right now as well. So it’s a loaded year for the next year, but it’s all very exciting that’s happening.

#LOVED THIS #cameron monaghan #shameless #shameless us #ian gallagher #gallavich #noel fisher #mickey milkovich #jerome valeska #the joker #gotham #jeremiah valeska #mr j #cal kestis #jedi fallen order #star wars

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impalementation · 3 years

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spike, angel, buffy & romanticism: part 4

part 1: “When you kiss me I want to die”: Angel and the high school seasons

part 2: “Love isn’t brains, children”: Enter Spike as the id

part 3: “Something effulgent”: Season five and the construction of Spike the romantic

“But I can’t fool myself. Or Spike, for some reason.”: Buffy and Spike as a blended self

Before I get into seasons six and seven, it’s worth asking: why would the show do all of this? Why would it spend all of this time developing a supporting villain and joke id character? Why would it give him a romantic arc? I see people say that the writers only gave Spike these storylines because he was popular or they wanted to keep him around, but even that being the case, there was no need to give him the specific arc that they did. It’s more than possible to read meaning into the story that they chose from the array of possible options.

Here is the thing about the id. It’s not actually something separate from you. It’s not a ravenous monster you can blame your weaknesses on while remaining pure and dignified. The id is part of you. The immediate and enduring appeal of Spike is, I suspect, strongly influenced by the fact that the things the id wants are so very human and sympathetic. His foibles and mistakes are often painfully familiar, even exaggerated through vampirism as they are. In fact, it’s precisely because Spike is allowed to show a full range of reactions to love, because the writing is under less pressure for him to do the “right” or dignified thing, that he can at times be compelling in ways other characters can’t. If Spike just did nasty things, his appeal wouldn’t be much more complicated than the appeal of Angelus, who people tend to like as a villain or storyline rather than as a relatable character. But Spike doesn’t want to dismember nuns or construct elaborate murder tableaux. He wants familiar things like love, identity and meaning, even if the ways he goes about getting them can reflect people’s worst impulses.

Which brings us to Buffy, and Buffy’s story about growing up. Buffy is Buffy’s show, which means that every writing choice tends to revolve around her arc in one way or another. And this goes for Spike’s storyline even more than most. In the final three seasons of the show, the writing finally engages with how inextricable the id--and all of its impulsive, inarticulate romantic desires--really is from a person’s self. So instead of keeping Spike at a comfortable distance, both Buffy and the writing begin to take him seriously. They begin to invite him in.

Starting in season five, it’s telling how frequently Buffy herself projects on Spike, rather than just the writing setting them up as mirrors. She tells him that he’s the “only one strong enough” to protect her family, and later assigns Dawn specifically to his protection. In “Spiral” she describes him as “the only one besides me that has any chance of protecting Dawn.” This is a very intimate role that she otherwise only assigns to herself (and which is not really based on pure practicality, considering that she’ll later describe Willow as her “big gun”--yet never gives Willow the task of protecting Dawn). She tells him that he cannot love, which is the thing she fears most about herself. Her protests that Spike is a vampire, and thus cannot express or want human things like love, mirror her lamentations that as the Slayer, she cannot have a normal life.

From the Gilliland Gothic double essay:

More than any of her other lovers, Buffy and Spike overlap one another so often that at times their character arcs become nearly indistinguishable. With Angel, Buffy traveled a parallel path in attempting to master self-control. With Riley, her journey ultimately took her in the opposite direction. With Spike, Buffy’s journey is most closely shadowed, in that her interactions with him in many ways can be seen as metaphors for her feelings about herself.

So now Spike is multiple things. On the one hand, he’s the soulless id he’s been since season two. His vampiric behavior represents a morally uninhibited way of reacting to romantic frustrations, among other things. But on the other hand, his vampirism now also marks him as like Buffy, not merely her opposite.* Nor is he only her mirror in the realm of romantic love. The part of him that is a vampire is the part of him that is supernatural (ie, Romantically larger-than-life), that sets him apart from regular people, and dictates how he can and cannot behave. Just like Buffy’s slayerness. His vampirism is what makes him capable of protecting Dawn, while also making him (supposedly, according to Buffy) incapable of human feeling--again, just like Buffy’s slayerness. Instead of Buffy’s Slayer side being aligned with Angelus, who was an unmitigated evil, it becomes aligned with Spike, who is something more complicated.

*(Though it must be noted that this was a process that began in season four, with the show aligning Spike with the Scoobies by making him a victim of the Initiative. Spike being supernatural suddenly marks him as non-normative, just like the Scoobies, in contrast to the institutional conformity that the Initiative represents. The evolution towards treating the Romantic supernatural as something positive and associated with identity plays a key role in transitioning the show to the more complicated attitudes of the last three seasons.)

This shift in the show’s attitudes towards the id affects how Spike is used. In “Blood Ties” for example, Spike assists Dawn in breaking into the Magic Shop and in “Forever” he helps Dawn resurrect her and Buffy’s mother. In both cases, Spike could be read as embodying impulsive behavior that Buffy is supposed to be better than. Yet both cases specifically involve Spike helping Dawn, who is repeatedly portrayed as Buffy’s human side. As Buffy says in “The Gift”: “[Dawn]’s more than [my sister]. She’s me. The monks made her out of me. [...] Dawn is a part of me. The only part that I--”. In other words, Buffy’s id becomes closely tied to her humanity, even going so far as to become its safeguard. “Blood Ties” ends with Buffy affirming her connection to Dawn, which Spike’s rule-breaking directly enabled, and “Forever” ends with Buffy acknowledging how desperately she wants her mother back too, and becoming closer to Dawn as a result. (Compare to “Lovers Walk”, where Buffy acknowledging her id results in her breaking away from Angel, not drawing closer to anyone). Or in “Intervention”, Spike building the Buffybot directly parallels Buffy’s own anxieties about what she thinks she should be. She thinks she’s losing her ability to love, and that effusive fakery is her only recourse (as she said in “I Was Made to Love You”: “Maybe I could change. [...] I could spend less time slaying, I could laugh at his jokes. I mean men like that right? The joke laughing at?”), a fear that even has some merit, given that her friends cannot tell her and the bot apart. Instead of Buffy and Spike having separate arcs in the episode, Spike learning the difference between real and fake dovetails with Buffy’s own relationship to her realness and fakeness. It turns out that neither of them want a bot version of Buffy. They want real emotion, things like sacrifice and heartfelt gratitude. If even Buffy’s id would let itself be killed for Dawn, then maybe she has nothing to fear from herself. Maybe there is some beauty in the emotional part of her nature that she thinks she must repress.

In other words, part of the writing (and Buffy) fully engaging with romanticism and the id, means engaging with the ways they can be bad and good. There’s this weird thing that happens with Spike as soon as he falls in love with Buffy, where suddenly his actions are more uncomfortable, and to many, off-putting, because their object is Buffy (instead of another vampire like Harmony or Drusilla, who either enjoy the same vampiric things he does, or the audience might be inclined to see as a moral nonentity regardless). His comic id quality becomes somewhat darker and more serious, almost like the way Angel’s early season two darkness becomes more serious after he loses his soul. But at the same time, Spike’s actions are also more intriguing, sympathetic, and even noble...because their object is Buffy. It makes no sense that a soulless vampire should not only fall in love with the Slayer, but genuinely attempt to transform himself into someone worthy of her love. And yet that’s exactly what Buffy inspires him to do. By loving Buffy Spike’s dual nature, and the dual nature of his romanticism, is thrown into relief: it’s something that can be selfish and creepy, yes, but also something that hints at the idea that real romanticism does exist. Something worth feeling romantically about does exist. Thus the writing can at once criticize, say, the way the chivalric mindset conflates love and suffering, while also suggesting that there are kinds of love it’s worth being transformed by. (Meanwhile, Spike’s fumbling bewilderment over how to love Buffy, and what the rules of loving people correctly even are, creates a human middle ground between monstrousness and heroism). By leaning into the way that Buffy and Spike have been used as mirrors for three seasons, and introducing the mythology-bending idea of Spike being in love with Buffy, the writing is able to fully engage with this complicated, contradictory nature of love and romance.

All of which is to say. Spike becomes a potential love interest, and is given a convoluted inner conflict between monstrousness, humanity and heroism, in precisely the season in which Buffy begins to reckon with her own inner conflict between her darker impulses, her human reality, and her supernatural role. It’s no coincidence that season five opens with Dracula, an icon of romantic vampire mythology, tempting Buffy with darkness and promising her insight into her nature. Or that a vampire kidnaps Dawn--again, her human half--in the next episode. Or that the season’s antagonist is a super-strong blonde woman who wants to destroy Dawn instead of protect her. Or that she says goodbye to Riley, the boyfriend who embodied her hopes for a more normative way of being (notice how Riley is progressively destabilized by everything non-normative about Buffy’s life, and provokes those anxieties Buffy expresses in “I Was Made to Love You”). Over and over in season five, Buffy fears that her Slayer half is cold, destructive, and otherwise dangerous. That these Romantic things like gods and vampires have it in for Buffy’s vulnerable humanity. Yet Buffy’s vampire id simultaneously gives lie to these fears by proving itself capable of heroism and genuine human feeling.

In other words, Spike becomes a potential love interest in a season that treats the Romantic--ie the grand and mythical--as something more than just an attractive lie to be disabused of. Rather, the question that season five seems to posit to me, and which will not be fully answered until the end of season seven, is this: once you do clear away the attractive lies, once you accept the hard realities, once you’ve seen the darkest underbellies, what are the things that are left that are truly grand and beautiful? What are the stories that are really worth telling, and the heroes that are really worth having?

And the show asks and answers these questions on both a very personal level, and a more meta, systemic level. On the personal level, Buffy and Spike are forced to confront their illusions not just about the world, but about themselves. They are made to ask themselves what constitutes a heroic role or a demonic weakness, versus basic, unromantic humanity. And on the meta level, the show asks questions about our expectations for how both love stories and chosen hero stories are supposed to go.

part 5: “Everything used to be so clear”: Season six and the agony of the real

#romanticism series #gen #s5 #buffy #spike #riley #btvs

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lovebecomeshim · 3 years

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hello! your zutara posting today has finally motivated me to ask this question because I came to atla very late(last year, to be specific) and I Love It Very Much but am 1000% out of the loop as far as why what remains of fandom (at least that I've seen among my friends) is so very strongly zutara. I'm not opposed to it per se I just don't really know what has driven it to apparently be such a popular ship? can you help me understand and maybe convert me a little bit?

Hey!! Your ICON! :D I can try but I’m not sure how coherent I’ll be; however I AM sure someone a lot more competent will be willing to add to this. Either way, I’m glad you asked because my plan was to drag down as many people as possible with me.

*smacks the hood of zutara* this baby can fit so much mutual love and support!

This got so long, I’m so sorry. I don’t know how to put it under a cut on mobile and it already got deleted once so I’m scared to mess with it lol. Moving on.

I’m gonna start this with a disclaimer that im on mobile so formatting is tricky and I’m also really new to atla in that I only completed my first watch through in like 2019??? So some of my info is all just based on what I’ve picked up from Discourse 👀 so anyway the sparknotes version: zutara was wildly popular from the beginning. To the point where the atla crew internally disagreed on which ship should be endgame. (Ex. Bryke [showrunners] asked the writers to rewrite The Southern Raiders to make Zuko seem less ideal for Katara than Aang [which failed, depending on who you ask]; the animation team purposefully created a visual parrallel between Oma and Shu in the Cave of Two Lovers and Zuko and Katara in the catacombs under Ba Sing Se in the Crossroads of Destiny; etc.)

The ship was popular enough that Bryke actually chose to display zk fanart at a con for the sole purpose of mocking the fans, but that’s neither here nor there. The entire episode Ember Island Players, while a love letter to/parody of the whole show, was an opportunity to address zutara’s viability as a canon pairing (while, again, mocking zutaras for romanticizing that catacombs scene). Point is! It’s always been popular but with it not being endgame, there’s got to be something that’s given it staying power.

And that’s honestly got to do with three things: their dynamic, thematic cohesion, and potential.

(You know what... you know what, it’s four things. The fourth is they’re so aesthetically pleasing together and individually. Like, they’re just good looking people [specifically when they’re grown but they’re also cute kids] and that absolutely doesn’t hurt) (but it’s not the Point, it’s just nice to point out sometimes)

The dynamic is hard to get into without also looking at the canon pairings, but I think I can do that without unnecessary bashing. It’s just that part of the magic of zutara is really highlighted by what they give to each other that their other relationships don’t.

First off, it’s classic enemies to (would be) lovers. The absolute truest form of it. It’s not too different from how CS started out: a rogue antagonist with a job to do—but no personal vendetta against the future love interest—who is deeply and emotionally invested in his personal storyline (revenge/redemption) with little regard for how it effects other people after his entire life and genuine good nature are marred by suffering, and a fierce warrior girl with a strong moral compass and her own personal investment in stopping him (protect her family and save the world doing it). Obviously frustration and animosity grew between them by the nature of them being on opposing sides, but that just lends itself to the sweetness of their later reconciliation.

The thing is that while they’re wildly different on the surface (he’s a hot-headed prince of a fascist regime who is trying to capture the Avatar to please his father; she’s a nurturing daughter of the chief who is trying to protect and train the Avatar in order to topple his father’s throne) they find out that they have so much more in common both in their experiences and their personalities.

(What follows is an excessive use of the word “both” and I’m sorry about that)(I can edit it. I can do that. That IS an option............)

They both have an innate sense of justice that they are determined to see done (zuko, at the war meeting, sticking up for the Earth Kingdom kid when the guards torment his family, choosing not to steal from the pregnant couple despite his circumstances, abiding by his word to leave the SWT should Aang come willingly, etc.; katara, literally.... at any point). They both have pretty one-track minds at accomplishing certain goals once they’ve put their mind to it, regardless of a lack of support in that endeavor (it goes without saying I guess, but zuko’s entire hunt; katara’s determination to get the earth benders to fight back, her determination to absolutely destroy Pakku until he agrees to teach her, etc.). They both lost their mothers at young ages. Their worlds are war-torn and traumatizing to them both, if in different ways, but that ultimately forces them to grow up too quickly to be wholly independent individuals. They both have issues with their fathers (for WILDLY different reasons, but). They both hold extreme prejudices that they need to learn to overcome (which ties into thematic cohesion)(bit like Lizzie and Darcy in that way but magnified by a million). They’re both extremely emotional and empathetic—which can and often does result in loud outbursts. Katara’s a bit better adjusted and can temper her anger for longer than S1 Zuko can, but they both feel that anger deeply and have no compunctions expressing it (Katara is, usually, more justified, particularly in S1. Again, S1 Zuko is severely maladjusted but at the point when they could’ve feasibly become a couple, he’s so much better off with the way he carries himself). They both struggle with feelings of inferiority in their bending abilities when confronted with prodigal benders like Aang and Azula, but have the work ethic required to double down and become two of the most powerful benders in the three remaining nations. This is a little more minor but it is a parrallel that appeals to some shippers that they both have these alter egos in the Painted Lady (notably fire nation coded) and the Blue Spirit (water tribe coded) that are pretty different from who they are day-to-day and are useful in accomplishing a purpose that they as themselves cannot.

(I’m.... I just realized that this could potentially get very long. Should I have made a slide show with bullet points??????)

Anyway, similar. I know there’s more but there’s literally so much to love about zutara that I’ll drive myself a little crazy trying to compile all the ways they’re similar. (Just gonna say that at this exact moment I went back to add more similarities.... so okay then)

Once they’ve reconciled, we see how all of these things only lend themselves to a deeper intimacy together than they share with literally anyone else. There’s a steady partnership that positions them as the mom/dad of the gaang, while also providing the support necessary to allow the other to not have to carry so much responsibility. A lot of zutaras will point out how zuko is actually depicted doing the more domestic chores that are normally relegated to Katara once he joins the gaang, since the others in the group are two 12-year-olds and sokka. The one that sticks out the most is how he makes tea for the group and then serves them, while Katara is able to just relax with her friends around the fire. Fanon expands upon this a lot to Zuko helping with the laundry or the cooking or whatever else needs doing since he, as a once-refugee, is used to doing his own domestic tasks. Before Zuko joined, Katara was the one mothering everyone, sewing for them, cooking for them, etc. She’s always tending to the needs of the group, and that includes emotionally. She does the emotional labor for the gaang 99% of the time, but when she’s the one falling apart, she’s usually doing it alone and without the comfort that she normally provides for others. Until Zuko. And that’s before they’re even friends.

Which is WHY people romanticize the catacombs of Ba Sing Se so much. Katara is verbally attacking Zuko out of her own righteous anger but also her own prejudice when Zuko, surprisingly, chooses to be vulnerable with her. He’s been on a journey that’s opened his eyes a bit, but he’s never actively chosen to expose the rawest parts of his past to anyone. But for some reason he chooses to do that with Katara of all people. While she’s yelling at him. He sees her humanity, and for once can look past his prejudice and empathize with her. And this time, when she breaks down, she gets to be comforted. Katara normally talks about her mother when she’s trying to explain to someone else that she sees and understands they’re pain, as a form of comfort to them. Here, Zuko uses the exact same tactic. He sees her and he understands. And for zuko? He’s not being shut down. He’s allowed to articulate his pain regarding his mother without being ignored and made to internalize it, and he’s allowed to process how he feels about his scar out loud without being told that he deserved it. And then he lets her touch his scar, something we’ve seen him actively avoid before. He’s completely open to her and she’s completely open to him and all it took was one five minute conversation. She was about to use the little bit of Spirit water that she had, that she was saving for something Important, to heal the scar that still daily causes him pain just because they had, somehow, connected.

Plus there’s the whole parallel to the star-crossed lovers forbidden from one another, a war divides their people—

And then zuko messes up, he regresses, he gets what he wants and he HATES it. And the sense of justice he had as a child has been restored to him against his will and he can’t think of anything he wants to do more than the Right Thing, so he joins team avatar. Before he does that though, we get to see his relationship with Mai, which is where comparison really comes in. And what we see is Zuko, fresh off of his encounter with Katara in the catacombs, trying to be emotionally honest with Mai... and getting shut down and dismissed. Which is just how Mai is and it’s fine, but not for Zuko. Still, he keeps trying, and he keeps getting ignored or scoffed at or yelled at. Which is really a larger symbol for how he doesn’t fit in his old life anymore, but again that’s about thematic cohesion. He tries to articulate his anxieties about returning home, he tries to make romantic gestures, he tries to explain how morally conflicted he’s feeling—and Mai diverts to some kind of physical affection to shut him up and a parting comment that is pretty much always, in essence, “I don’t wanna talk about this.” So they don’t. On the other hand, once zuko and Katara are friends, we see him again emotionally distraught and caught up in his anxieties about facing Iroh, and it’s Katara who comes to him and listens to him and comforts and encourages him.

Similarly, we have Aang clamming up and getting uncomfortable whenever Katara shows any negative emotion, usually resulting in him making excuses or running away. Or, in the case of the Southern Raiders, lecturing her on how she needs to just let go of her anger about her mother’s murder. People have talked this episode to death and usually better than I ever could, so imma... keep it brief. There’s a serious disconnect between Aang and Katara in his ability to empathize with Katara and her needs that has her tamping down her vulnerability and amping up her anger. He tells her that he was able to forgive his people’s genocide and appa’s kidnapping (petnapping? Theft??), which is blatantly not true but also not an entirely equal parrallel to Katara’s situation, and continues making these little remarks throughout the episode. But it’s Zuko that Katara opens up to. It’s with him that she’s able to talk about the most traumatic day of her life, and it’s with him that she’s able to get the closure she needs, cementing their bond as friends and partners. This disagreement between Aang and Katara is then... never resolved. They just never bring it up and hear what the other is saying.

There’s a fic called The Portraits of Ember Island that has a line that so completely sums up the heart of the matter for why people love their dynamic. For context, zuko has woken up early to help Katara with the cooking and they spend the whole time just letting one another talk, and zuko stops to ask why she always just lets him talk. And so she stops to ask why he’s always helping, and it goes as follows:

There’s just... so much mutual support! Trust! Intimacy!! And it just continues like that from the Southern Raiders on, listening to each other, advising each other, watching each other’s backs! And then! Literally saving each other’s lives!! I will never be over the last Agni kai. Not ever. Zuko may have been willing to jump in front of lightning for anyone, but he actually did it for Katara. And in a show, that’s the thing that really matters. It’s a fulfilled trope usually exclusively applied to romantic pairings, and it ended up applying to Zuko and Katara. And then she ran out into the middle of a fight with tunnel vision just to get to him.

Also!! Also Zuko pushing Katara out of the way of the falling rocks at the Western Air Temple!! And Katara catching him as he fell from the war balloon that he fought Azula on!! Before they’re even getting along, they’re the ones reaching for each other. They come to this place of equal ground, as partners, who watch each other’s backs, call each other out but still listen attentively and understand, and provide the support that the other has been sorely lacking up until they knew each other (whether that be from lack of effort or lack of understanding from others, or an unwillingness to accept it for themselves).

Then, trailing along under the surface of this, we see the themes of the show totally embodied by Zuko and Katara as individuals and in their relationship to one another. There’s a YouTuber, sneezyreviews, who has a, like, 2-hour explanation on why she not only loves zutara but also believes that their endgame would’ve actually elevated the writing of atla to new levels particularly because of thematic cohesion and resolved character arcs. It’s the zutara dissertation I never knew I needed, and it’s funny and eloquent and effective, so I’m just going to sum up her section on thematic cohesion to the best of my abilities and then link it for whenever you have the time. And I HIGHLY recommend it, especially if you want a full understanding of what makes zutara so great and gives it such longevity.

Guru pathik has a line that goes something like this: separation is an illusion; things that seem different are just two parts of the same whole. Iroh also tells Zuko something similar: balance and strength are achieved when the different nations come together and influence one another and celebrate what makes them each unique. And this lesson is a massive central arc that both Zuko and Katara go through, moving past a black-and-white, good guys-vs-bad guys, us-vs-them mentality and into a greyer, more nuanced view of the world. Zuko sees the fire nation from an entirely new perspective and while he still loves and hopes for his nations future, he surrenders his blind loyalty to them in exchange for an unflinching loyalty to peace and love. Katara too had to come to terms with the fact that cruel people exist in the earth kingdom and water tribes, while some fire nation citizens are just regular, kind people who also need and deserve to have someone speak on their behalf. And this is honed in directly on how they view each other. They grow in their individual journeys to be open to the humanity in the other and then, once they’ve found that, they’re able to grow more in compassion for others in a beautiful feedback loop. And this is all matched in the symbolism repeatedly and intentionally associated with them in canon: sun and moon, fire and water, yin and yang, Oma and Shu who found love despite their warring nations. Their individual arcs are completed in each other and complement the themes of atla beautifully.

The canon pairs... just don’t. Which, again, is fine. But the very things that give atla longevity and popularity are anchored in zutara. Kat@ang doesn’t accomplish this. They’re... nice. Sweet. Especially when you erase a good portion of their interactions in S3. It could’ve been just a sweet love story. (Personally, the dynamic between toph and aang accomplish the same thing that zutara does, with complementary personalities that fulfill the theme of opposites blending in harmony) M@iko, on the other hand, is less sweet but I think wasn’t even supposed to last. Zuko’s relationship with Mai seems to represent his relationship with his old life as a whole. He can’t be emotionally vulnerable, he’s goaded into abusing his privileges, his agency and opinions aren’t respected. They just don’t have common ground with which to discuss anything that matters, so they don’t. As far as themes, the relationship doesn’t fit with atla. It’s zuko returning to and sticking with what is (on the surface) like him, what’s expected. Fire nation with fire nation. Fluid water bender with the flexible air bender. Like with like, separated from what is different and challenging and complementary.

And all of these things combined of course lead to the potential for the ship. I don’t know how familiar you are with the post-atla canon but... well, miss “I will never turn my back on people who need me”, miss “I don’t want to heal! I want to fight!” ends up living quietly in the SWT as a designated healer who turns a blind eye to the water tribe civil war happening right outside her front door. Which can be fine! People change! Some people just wanna stay inside. I just wanna stay inside! But the potential future for zutara is so much more satisfying, with Katara becoming the most unconventional Fire Lady the uppity old cads who are stuck on the old ways have ever seen. Fanon has her serving as a voice for the other nations within a kingdom at the point of its biggest political upheaval, as a confidante to Zuko who can actually help him while he’s trying to figure out how to move forward and make reparations. They have the opportunity, together, to accomplish what they both have set on their hearts to fight for: positive change that lends itself to harmony and balance. And the steambabies! A popular headcanon is that their firstborn daughter, the crown princess, is actually a waterbender, which causes such an uproar among the people who are adamantly clinging to the old ways. It’s just a future full of potential to be forces for good together, full of trust, intimacy, joy. The exact era of peace and love and balance that zuko announces that he intends to ring in with the start of his reign as Fire Lord is, again, magnified by the very personal zutara relationship. And we love to see it.

tl;dr zutara isn’t for everyone. Some people just don’t vibe with it. Some are nostalgic. Some love the canon they grew up with. Some have been disappointed for years. Some just see themselves in other characters and want their happiness instead. Whatever the reason, that’s fine. But for me, I love the way these two, from the moment they give each other a fair chance, are able to lower their walls and prejudices to see the other for the kindred spirits they are. They see each other’s humanity, and their response is to pour out love and support and compassion. I love that they’re a power couple in battle. I love the symbolism and, honestly, soulmatism that colors their every interaction. I love that they embody the whole storyline of atla in their relationship and how it develops, which is notably why their seasonal arcs always culminate in each finale with how they relate to one another. I love that zuko adopting a waterbending move is what actually saves his life and then katara’s. I love the chemistry! And I love the future they could’ve had, instead of the ones they were given.

So, in conclusion: I just think they’re neat and I hope you do too, at least a little bit. Even if it’s just respectfully from a disinterested distance cause you do you. And now here is the video I mentioned. I’m sorry this post got so long and then I gave you an even longer homework assignment, but I can’t recommend it enough. She says it all better than I can.

youtube

#zutara #atla #zutara rant #like really the way the canon relationships were written throughout s3 #it would’ve been more believable for zutara to happen #or at least be hinted at #all of the major issues presented in those relationship were dug up extensively and then... never resolved #and then they just slapped some kisses on a screen and said ‘there all better’#and we just kinda had to say ‘oh ok guess it’s all better then’#this got long I’m sorry #I wrote it all out and then tumblr ate 2/3 of it #which is why it took so long #and what I’ve written now doesn’t even match what I had before #because there’s too much to say about why I love zutara #and the stuff I left out the first time is what came out this time #rip to my original thoughts but this post is different #anyway that’s why this took so long #and I should’ve just made a PowerPoint...#I can do that too if you’d rather not read all of this lol #I won’t be offended #this is incoherent #Alia rambles uselessly #also hoping this doesn’t end up in any wrong tags because I don’t wanna step on toes lol #it’s not anti!! it’s just critical #in a compare/contrast way #I can pinpoint the moment when I started trying to rewrite my points from memory #because everything gets shorter and more succinct #like... I really said all that??? sounds fake and I don’t remember it anyway so here’s the condensed version #with no!! smooth!!! transitions!!!!#also why am I so lazy with proper grammar over text

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andreafmn · 3 years

Text

I’m Not Afraid - Chapter 4

Word Count: 3,616

Characters: Female Reader Argent Character, Original Male Argent Character, Derek Hale, Allison Argent, Scott McCall, Stiles Stilinski, Isaac Lahey, Lydia Martin, Chris Argent, Jackson Whittemore

Story Description: (Y/N) Argent arrived at Beacon Hills to put to rest her father’s sister, Kate Argent. For the first time, her family has decided to settle down and sustain a life in this interesting small town. After 17 years, (Y/N) has the opportunity to establish interpersonal relationships but will she be ready to face the complications that come with relating to her cousin’s, Allison, friends; especially, the infamous Derek Hale. She will face the adventure of being associated with the Derek and McCall pack as well as being faced with the discovery of certain aspects of her life she never imagined.

*DISCLAIMER* I do not own in any way Teen Wolf, all credits of the pre-established characters, script, and storyline belong to Jeff Davis and MTV Network. The only thing I own is Argent Reader insert, her immediate family, and her storyline, as well as her effects in the others’ storyline.

Chapter: 4/?

A/N: If you enjoy my writing I’ll also be posting them in AO3 and Wattpad along with other stories (I also hope to start taking requests if ya’ll want) Hope you enjoy and all constructive criticism is encouraged.

Follow Me!

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Chapter 4

After the eventful day yesterday, I could say that today was extremely boring. For some unknown reason, Stiles and Jackson had not shown up to school. But, after what happened I would have missed too, but I left my bike here and I needed to get it back. I wasn’t planning on staying longer than needed. Once the day was over and the clock hit three, I sped off to my house. I was still tired from yesterday and all I wanted to do was take a big long nap. My body felt heavy, and my head hurt like hell.

But once I got home, I knew that I wouldn't be sleeping like I wanted to.

"What are you doing here, Derek?" I asked as I took off my helmet.

"We need to talk."

"No, we don't. There's nothing to talk about."

"(Y/N), please. You have been avoiding me for almost two weeks now. I need to know why." He sounded desperate.

"And I want to know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop. Guess we won't be getting any answers today." I tried to walk to the door, but he grabbed my arm. "Let. Me. Go."

"Please, just talk to me. Give me a reason." His stare burned a hole in me. "Please."

"Seriously, Derek. Just leave me alone." He finally let me go, my arm feeling cold missing his touch.

"I won't stop until you talk to me and explain."

"Then get comfortable, sour wolf, you'll be waiting a long time." I entered the house and locked the door, finally letting out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

I changed into comfortable clothing and started cleaning the house. My parents would be here tomorrow, and I wanted to make sure the house was spotless. Truly, I just needed something to take my mind off Derek. Why did he make me feel this way? Yesterday the only thing I was wondering was why HE was there. And I didn't want to think that way. I didn't want to care about him. Not now, not ever.

After I finished cleaning, I found myself with nothing to do, so I ran upstairs and took a shower. I tried to take all the time in the world but there wasn't enough. I got out and went to bed thinking of the events of yesterday.

I was running through the forest and I felt someone chasing me. No matter how fast I ran, the creature ran faster. Before I knew it my body had collided with the floor and towering above me was the thing that had screeched last night. It looked lost, like it needed to find his purpose. His slit eyes stared down onto mine and his sharp teeth expelled a sort of saliva that trickled down to my face. His tail was moving up and down my legs teasing a cut. I wanted to move but I knew if I did it would try to kill me, so I stayed put. I closed my eyes and awaited what would happen but instead of death, a roar sounded. Startled, the creature screeched, and I screamed back.

I woke up screaming and sweating just 5 minutes before my alarm would make a sound. I got out of my bed and went to take a shower to relieve me from the dream I just had. It sounded just like the screech from two nights ago. My body felt cold, and I had goosebumps everywhere. To calm my nerves, I put the water in a hot temperature and let it ease my muscles and relax my body. I would have maybe called Isaac but, after knowing he's somewhat involved with whatever is going on and him being a douchebag the last few days, I didn't even bother looking up his contact. Maybe it was for the best. After the year ended I could cut ties without any remorse.

Once I was done with my shower I changed into comfortable clothes once again and ran down the stairs. For more than an hour I was enjoying a horror movie on TV when I heard the doorknob rattle.

"Mom! Dad!" I ran and jumped on both.

"Hey, munchkin." My dad ruffled my hair and hugged me.

"Hey, darling. How did your week go?" My mom asked. How could I explain to her something I didn't know?

"Pretty uneventful. Just hanging out around the house, organizing my room and stuff. But, enough about me. Come in, settle down, tell me about your week."

"Honey, why don't you go sit down, we need to talk about something." I looked at my mom weirdly and went to the kitchen to sit down.

"What's going on?" I looked at my parents who were fixing up dinner.

"Munchkin, you know how each year we have to move due to my business. Well, this year is gonna be different."

"We're not moving. Dad, you've said that before. How do I know you're not lying again?"

"We took this week kind of on a trial basis. You’re getting older and can handle bigger responsibilities like taking care of yourself and the house by yourself. So, it seems that we can be away for elongated periods of time and you’ll be just fine. And in any case, your uncle is here to take care of you."

"We will be living here in Beacon Hills and any business that needs to be taken care of we will just leave town for a few days. Are you okay with that?" My mother smiled.

"Okay?! I'm beyond okay!" I jumped up from the stool and hugged my parents. "This is the best news ever!"

"That's great, honey. Now go do something while I start dinner."

When my parents told me the news that we were staying the first person that came to mind was Derek.

I had been avoiding him for such a long time and he did deserve some answers and maybe I could get some from him about what was going on in this freak show of a town. I decided to text him and told him to meet me at his house in the woods. I awaited his answer and rode my bike down the now familiar trail. And just as he had said, there he was, waiting on the front steps of the house.

"Hey, Derek," I said softly. It was hard to swallow my pride after the way I had been acting.

"Hey, (Y/N). Are you finally ready to talk?" He said in a calm and soothing voice. Absolutely the opposite of what I was expecting. I nodded my head and sat down next to him. "So, why have you been avoiding me? Is it something I did?"

"No. I just had to."

"You had to?"

"Look, all my life I have had to pack everything up and leave behind a whole life. Every time the year ends, I need to forget about one life and start another. I have ignored so many people that have only been nice to me because I don't want to grow attached. Cause when I leave, I know I will never see them again and I'd rather be alone than have to pass through that heartache."

"So, once we started growing close you had to cut ties so you could forget about me." I nodded and he let out a sigh. "I get it. But you could've told me."

"Yeah? How? Hey, I'm gonna start to forget you now so I don't have to later. Wouldn't be too sensitive, would it?"

"No, but I would have understood." He looked at me. His eyes held kindness and understandings, things I didn’t deserve for my actions. "But why are you telling me now?"

"My parents told me that we're not leaving this time. We're here for good."

"So that means you'll stop ignoring me?"

"Yes." He smiled and gave me a hug. I hugged him back. "Now that I have given you answers, I need some in return."

"Like?"

"What the hell happened on Thursday?"

"Oh. That." He paused for a second and groaned, but I motioned him to answer me. "Of course. But what I tell you right now must stay between us, and you must give me your word that no one will know that I was the one who told you. Not Scott or Allison, not even your parents."

"Is it that important?"

"Absolutely. Look what's happening here, it's not normal nor human."

"What are you talking about, Derek?" I chuckled.

"Everything around you are not what it seems. There's just no easy way to say this."

"Derek, ballpark it."

"I'm a werewolf, an alpha. And so is Scott, Isaac, Erica, and Boyd, they're betas. Your family, including Allison, are hunters. They kill people like me and the others. That screech you heard yesterday, it came from a Kanima. A walking snake-like creature that kills people, murderers exactly, after paralyzing them with a type of venom it creates." He looked into my eyes trying to search for something. An answer, a sign, anything. It just wasn't there. "(Y/N), please. Say something."

I tried to speak up, but nothing came out. Maybe it was the shock, maybe I wasn't ready to hear this, maybe I didn't want to know that everyone around me was different. Out of this world, sort to speak. Everything was changing and I couldn't do anything about it. I saw Stiles' jeep coming closer. Out of it came Scott, Allison, and, obviously, Stiles. I got up from the steps, ignoring their calls and Derek calling my name.

"Where are you going, (Y/N)?"

"Home." I turned on the motorcycle and tried to leave but I couldn't. I was frozen, listening to their conversation.

Derek's POV "What's happening?" Stiles asked.

"She's leaving, dimwit. Don't you have eyes?"

"Why would she leave like that?" Allison questioned and directed her sight to me. "What did you do?"

"Nothing. We were just talking."

"What exactly where you guys talking about?" Scott asked.

"Everything."

"As in." I stared at him and raised an eyebrow. "Oh, everything."

"Derek, why the hell would you do that?! It was not in your place to tell her about that."

"Oh, like you would have told her anything. Just like you're telling Lydia. She came to me for answers, and I gave them to her."

"That is none of your business."

"I was not going to continue to lie to her. You do whatever the hell you want but I couldn't go on like that."

"Honestly, Derek. What is your problem?! She's nothing to you so I don't understand why you had to bring her into this twisted world." Allison screamed.

"You know why she has to know. I accept that it's not my place, but I knew you wouldn't say anything and, also, I didn't bring her into this. Your bloodline did. Don't pin this on me." Allison starts fuming and closing the gap between us but stops dead in her tracks when she heard the same thing all of us heard. (Y/N) falling off her bike.

"(Y/N)!!" I ran towards her and picked her up.

"Don't touch her!" Allison screamed.

"You can't tell me what to do." I bumped our shoulders and headed towards the house. "But if you wanna help out you can follow me."

Fuming, Allison followed me into the living room with the trail of puppies on her back. She helped me gently lay down (Y/N) on the couch whilst Scott found some gauze and alcohol for a scratch on her face and hopefully what would wake her.

After cleaning the wound, I held a gauze dripping with alcohol under her nose, but nothing happened.

"This is what I wanted to avoid. She seems so strong, but she is so fragile too. I wanted her to find this all out through her parents. Not some stranger she just met." Allison spoke to Scott.

"I think you underestimate the strength she has. And trust me, I am no stranger to her." I spat at her. "At least I was the only one brave enough to give her the answers she was seeking."

"Derek, honestly I could give two shits about what you think right now. It's your fault she fainted. Again, you had no fucking right."

"Look, Allison, I get it. You don't want her in this world because she's better than you. I get it." I smirked at her and she lunged at me. Scott held her back but I wanted the reaction. I was completely fuming, (Y/N) deserved better than lies.

As she struggled, Stiles’s words brought us back from the fight.

"Guys, she's waking up."

I directed my gaze again to (Y/N) and noticed her eyes fluttering open. "See, she's fine."

"But she wasn't."

"Well, she is now." I gritted my teeth.

(Y/N)'s POV

"Um, guys, yeah. I'm still here stop talking about me as if I were gone."

"Are you okay? How are you feeling?" Allison asked as if I had hurt myself.

"I'm fine. My body is functioning normally, my legs are moving one after the other, my lips are opening and closing, and my tongue is moving, and my arms are flailing. I'm super."

"Take it easy, (Y/N). You just found out a lot of stuff." Scott said.

"Yeah, you two are werewolves." I pointed at him and at Derek, then at Allison. "And you, along with our family, a hunter." I looked at Stiles. "And you're human, like me."

"And?" Derek asked in a harsh tone as if trying to keep up the mean façade he had. It made me angry, but the worry was evident in his eyes.

"It's fine. It's weird but fine." This time I did get on my motorcycle and started it.

"Whoa, where do you think you're going?" Stiles tried to stop me midway.

"Um, as I said before, home."

"You can't drive in this state, especially in a motorcycle. You could crash!"

"Allison, I have never in my life of driving crashed a motorcycle whereas cars, enough to start a small dealership, and some of them weren't even mine. I think I'm good." As I tried to leave, once again I was stopped. This time by Derek.

"I'll take you home."

"Um, you've done enough. I'll take her home." Allison stepped in. They got in each other's faces and I had to step in between them.

"Mom, dad. Stop. I hate when you fight." I snorted. "Sorry, but I'll take myself home."

Before any of them could answer I got on my motorcycle and sped off the same way I came through. When I got home, I was out of breath and dizzy. Everything Derek had said kept replaying in my mind over and over, like an endless loop of unimaginable words that seemed to be part of a dream. The front door of my house seemed so far, and it felt like almost half an hour had passed until I got there. Everything passed by slowly and blurry.

My father called out to me and it felt like I answered but I had no idea what I said. Maybe something in the lines of I'm tired, I'm gonna go to bed. I ascended the stairs one step at a time until I reached the top. It felt like climbing the Great Wall of China, but finally, I made it to my bedroom. Once I entered, I got the scare of my life and everything went back to normal. Derek was in my room.

"What the hell are you doing here, Derek?!" I yelled in a soft whisper.

"I wanted to see if you were really okay. You didn't seem good when you left."

"I'm fine," I said in a cold voice and started looking for my pajamas. He wasn't believing me, and neither was I. "Seriously, Derek. I am."

"You don't seem or sound fine. I heard you when you got here, you were out of breath and you took your time to get up the stairs as if it was the biggest climb of your life." It was evident that he was worried about me but there was nothing to worry about. I may still be in a bit of shock. He just needed to chill. Deep down I knew how scared I was. The world had turned into different stop frames. I could see everything pass me by inch by inch. I had time for everything. I could easily have gone to the other side of the planet and back and not more than a minute could have passed.

I went to the bathroom and changed in hopes that he would leave, even though I didn’t want him to. He didn't. He looked around my book collection which, I may add, is quite big. My father had some people make a built-in bookcase and desk. It was probably my favorite place in the whole house, the kitchen ended second. Derek had taken one of my favorite books in his hand.

"Pride and Prejudice? Hm, never would have pictured you to read this kind of book."

"There's many things you don't know about me, sour wolf."

"Seriously, you're gonna keep calling me that? Even after you know it's true."

"That makes it more fun." I smiled weakly. "So, werewolf, huh?" He nodded. "And my family is filled with hunters." He nodded again. "And they hunt you."

"(Y/N), if this is too much for you, we can leave you out of it."

"It doesn't matter if you leave me out of it, I'll still be involved. I just don't want anything to change."

"I know. Me either." He said looking down. I walked over to him and hugged him needing some type of warmth. His arms engulfed me, and I felt relieved, completely forgetting how mad I was at him for being a dick not a few hours ago.

"It's just for the first time in my life I thought I cloud have a normal life with my family and new friends. I hoped to settle in a normal town where it's so boring, but you fall in love with the people there and never want to leave. I guess I just wanted normal."

"And I just ruined that." He sighed, his chest rising and falling against my head. "I'm sorry."

"Don't blame yourself. My parents would have brought me into that world soon enough. I think that's why they've had me working out and training for no apparent reason. They were hoping I would join the family business."

"Would you?"

"Huh?" I looked up at him.

"If they asked you to become a hunter, would you?"

"If I hadn't met Isaac, or your pack, or Scott... or you, I probably would have. But I can't be a part of something that hunts innocent creatures just because they believe the whole species is bad." He nodded but stayed quiet.

I went over to my bed in hopes he would stay but he made his way to the window. I don't know what came over me, but I called out to him. "Don't go. Stay, please."

Without another word he turned off the lights and sat next on the chair that was in the corner next to my bed. Finally, I drifted off with the possibility of words flowing from his mouth.

Derek's POV

"I'll never leave you." I whispered to her as she closed her eyes and drifted into sleep. After some time, she started squirming and her heartbeat began to race. I sat next to her, and without waking up, she got closer and snuggled into my chest. I put an arm around her and heard her heartbeat slowly go back to normal.

At around midnight I heard voices arguing downstairs. I didn't mean to overhear but I couldn't help it.

"You went looking for her again, didn't you, Henry?"

"Of course, I did. I'll look for her until the day I die."

"You know you'll never find her. That was the point. You told her to hide, and she did. So much that not even you can find her. I guess she didn't love you enough." She sighed. "And even if you found her, your father would use all his power to kill her."

"At least I loved her more than I'll ever love you, and that's enough for me."

After that, a long silence.

Then, a door slammed shut.

Moments after I heard footsteps coming up the stairs.I tried my best to move in case they decided to check in with her, but (Y/N)’s grip on me only tightened. I had no escape other than to brace myself for whatever could happen.

My heart started to race faster and faster as the steps became closer to the room.

Step.

Her mother was right outside her door, probably debating waking her daughter up to wish her a good night. My breath hitched in my throat when the door handle started to softly turn; the gears in my brain turning, looking for the quickest escape. The door handle had turned completely and I prepared myself to run. But, it was let go. The footsteps receded and ended in the room next to (Y/N)’s. Once I heard her settle in bed I finally relaxed. I curled (Y/N) onto me and wrapped her tight. Something in me just wanted to protect her and let her know she’s not alone. I hadn’t felt this way in a long time and for the first time I wanted to see where it could lead.

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