#Delay Mental Decline | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

chelseasdagger · 8 months

Text

Teacher

Frank Castle x Inexperienced F!Reader

Summary: Frank's a part of your friend group and invites you to hang out one day, unaware of your massive crush on him. During the visit, you let it slip that you're very inexperienced, and he offers to teach you everything you've missed out on.

Warnings: age gap (reader is in her early 20s), mentions of sex, drinking, and smoking

Author's Note: Oh my god! It's finally here, my first fic series! I've had this idea for months now and I've finally got the courage to write it out and post it. I wanna say a huge thank you to @chellestrash and @suitsofwo3 for their continuous support on this series! Reblogs and feedback are greatly appreciated :) Leave a comment or shoot me an ask!! I'd love to hear what you think!

Word Count: 5k

To say you had feelings for Frank Castle would be a gross understatement. It was truly nothing short of a schoolgirl crush, an all consuming infatuation that made you want him even more. Being anywhere near him made you feel like you were back in grade school with an uncontrollable flutter of butterflies in your stomach, and you knew you had to at least try and attempt to cease their movements.

But knowing and acting are two very different things, and you weren’t even sure if you wanted to stop them. Not when every smile he flashes your way makes them beat their tiny wings so fast that you feel weak in the knees. You knew logically it couldn’t end well, not with him being in your friend group, but you had a feeling you could keep up the friendly facade and not let it slip that your feelings for him are much more intense.

After all, he’s confident, handsome, and much older than you. How hard could it be?

“How hard could it be,” you repeat, whispering to yourself in the car. Your eyes are trained on the road in front of you as you listen while your GPS navigates you through the city. Frank had invited you over to his place after the last get-together the group had, where you admitted to the fact that you hadn’t seen his, apparently, favorite movie from the ‘80s. It was almost too perfect of a setup and you curse the universe for planning it all. Of all the movies you haven’t seen, you had to confess to this one?

In your defense, it was nearly impossible to decline his offer when his charm flared up like it had that night. Boisterous laughter, crinkles by his eyes when he grinned, and a, “Come on, you’ve gotta see it!” that was so warm and welcoming it had you agreeing before you thought about the implications of that damn nod you gave him.

Thinking back on that night, you nearly miss your turn onto the road that leads to his apartment. You catch it just in time though and as the automated voice informs you that he lives on the left, the anxiety sets in. You begin to focus on your breathing and you find an open parking spot right next to his black van, exactly where he said there would be. Mentally thanking him for eliminating some of the pressure of finding where to park, you pull into the spot and look towards the door with the metal numbers of his address bolted on the plaque beside it.

Once the car is parked and the ignition is off, you close your eyes and inhale enough air until your chest puffs out. “It’s just Frank,” you reassure yourself, attempting to slow down your heart rate. It does little use as his face flashes in your mind when you speak his name, so you decide not to delay the meeting any longer.

With a dry mouth and fidgeting hands you make your way to his apartment, giving yourself one last full breath before raising your hand to knock on his door. Your knuckles sound out against the wood, and there’s only a second of silence before you hear a muffled, “Coming!”

The brief moment to plaster a relaxed smile on your face passes all too quickly and you’re suddenly met with Frank’s warm grin. Failing to ignore the way he’s leaning against the doorframe, you can’t help your eyes immediately glancing at his bicep as it stretches the fabric of his sleeve. You quickly force your gaze back to his face and give yourself a mental shake.

“Hey, kid, glad you could make it,” he greets you kindly. You’d be lying if you said the nickname he reserved for you wasn’t bittersweet. It made you feel special that it only left his lips in reference to you, but logically you knew it was because you were the youngest in the group. The truly bitter part was hearing it and feeling your heart sink that little bit lower; you wondered if he ever saw you as more, if you’d ever be able to satisfy your steadfast crush.

But those spiral sessions are best had at home, so you push away the thoughts and focus on spending time with him. All you’ve ever wanted was time alone with him and you’re not sure when you’ll get the chance again after today.

“Yeah, of course,” your genuine smile takes over, ”I had to see what all the fuss was about.” He chuckles at your joke before stepping aside, gesturing for you to come in. Squeezing past his body, you step into the living room of his home. It’s bigger than you expected, housing a sectional couch and wooden coffee table in the center. There’s also a large television mounted to the wall that’s clearly the main focus of the room. One sweatshirt and a lone blanket are draped on the back of the couch, making up the only clutter in the space. You don’t realize Frank is watching you take it all in until he gently clears his throat.

“Is it as glorious as you expected?” His voice sounds out from behind you and you turn to face him. There’s a smirk on his face and you find yourself chuckling to avoid shrinking into yourself.

“Just… different than I pictured is all,” you gesture vaguely to the open space of the room. There’s a scoff before he walks past you and towards the light grey couch.

“‘Clean’, you mean?” There’s a huff surrounding the question as he plops down onto the couch.

“Well…” you trail off, tilting your head to the side. A smile slowly takes over his face as you tease him.

“Make yourself comfortable,” he says as he pats the cushion of the couch. You follow his instruction, opting to keep one seat between the two of you. There’s a pause for a moment and you let your eyes wander to his thighs. His legs are slightly spread on the couch and it’s hard to ignore the way the fabric of his denim jeans are struggling to make room for the muscles of his thighs.

“So you really haven’t seen the greatest film of all time?” He begins again, disbelief clear in his tone. His voice makes your line of sight shoot back up to his face and it’s now your turn to wear a smile.

“You sure are creating a lot of hype for this movie. I hope it doesn’t disappoint,” you laugh softly. His eyes grow wide as a look of shock takes over his face.

“‘Disappoint’? You kiddin’ me? I’m pretty sure this movie paved the way for cinema.” He gets up excitedly, walking towards one of the thin bookshelves that frame the television. His fingers scan the titles quickly, trailing down the rows until he finds one. He pulls the case out from where it was sandwiched between the others before turning around to show it off with a wave of his hand.

“Made sure to rewind it for you yesterday.” You try to ignore the way your brain jumps to conclusions at those few words. The thoughts are loud, however, and you hear them despite your wishes. He really thought this ahead? Was he actually looking forward to seeing you?

Frank pulls the tape from out of its case and kneels down in front of the television. There’s a large, grey VCR lying on the ground and he gently pushes the tape past the small hinge, a tiny whirring sound escaping as it accepts the tape.

“God, I’m really showing my age here, aren’t I?” He nods towards the old technology on the wooden floor.

“I mean, I’ve seen my parents use them before,” you answer honestly.

“Jesus Christ,” he grumbles, bringing his palm to cover his face before dragging it down his cheeks. The giggle that escapes you is involuntary, he looks so cute each time you tease him. You love these moments and how effortless it is to joke around with him, unlike when your usually constant bashfulness is present.

Once the tape is in, the static on the screen crackles to life and there’s a few seconds before the black fades into a dusty orange sky. As the opening scene begins to play, you feel like you recognize the actors’ names as they appear over the footage. Nothing immediately comes to mind though, so you ignore the nagging feeling of trying to place them and focus on the film.

That proves to be more difficult than you intended. Admittedly, all you can think about is his scent lingering in the space around you. It’s almost as if the couch is bathed in his smell and it feels as though you’re drowning in it in the best way. You halfway register the dialogue sounding out and decide to at least entertain the idea of paying attention. There’s a shot of the inside of an airport, and you watch as the word Diehard comes across the center of the screen. Chuckles erupt from you and Frank’s immediately turning to face you with a confused pout.

“You think Diehard is the greatest movie of all time?” Your words are unintentionally soaked in disbelief and you swear you can see his defensive guard come up.

“You tryna’ tell me it’s not?! Cause it’s clearly up there!”

“I don’t know, Frank,” you start. Each time the film is brought up around you, you hear that it’s either the best or it’s overrated. You just didn’t expect him to be this much of a fan.

“That’s right! You don’t know!” He seems proud of his argument and even laughs towards the end of his sentence. You shake your head as your smile begins to hurt your cheeks due to how long you’ve been wearing it for. He reaches for the old remote, its buttons faded with its age, and the screen halts to a stop as he presses pause.

“I’ll be right back,” Frank explains with a grunt as he pushes himself off of the couch. You turn and watch him walk to the kitchen, your eyes lingering on his broad shoulders and how they almost brush the open doorframe as he passes through it. Not wanting to let your thoughts continue any more down the path they’re already on, you force your attention back to the television and wait for him to return.

“Here you are,” his deep voice sounds out a moment later and you look up at him. He’s sitting down onto the couch cushion with the fingers of his right hand wrapped around the necks of two beer bottles. He stretches his arm towards you, offering one of the drinks and you’re distracted by the veins running up the inside of his forearm.

“What? S’there somethin’ wrong?” he asks confusedly, his own gaze glancing between your clasped hands and the bottles. You snap out of your trance and stare at the beers again, racking your brain for any excuse to use to decline the drink.

“No, thank you, I’m all good,” your voice comes out stiff. Real smooth, you curse yourself as you see Frank’s expression change. His eyebrows pull together as he tries to understand your sudden and strange behavior.

“So what’s your deal, huh?” he begins, setting the bottles down and leaning back into the couch. His entire body is turned towards you and it’s clear that you’re the new subject of the conversation. You swallow thickly, your nerves already acting up.

“Never seen you drink, never seen you smoke… Hell, I haven’t seen you do much of anything,” he continues, listing his examples off on each finger. “Why is that? You some goody two shoes or something?” he finishes with a raspy chuckle. He reaches for his beer, popping the lid off with the opener from the coffee table and taking a long sip as his eyes meet yours over the glass in his hand.

You wish you could come up with something, anything, to get you out of this situation before you’re forced to confess to him. You open your mouth, expecting your tongue to string the words together for you, but there’s nothing but silence in the room. Quickly, you begin grasping for an explanation, only to be left stuttering over your words. Frank’s eyebrows raise and there’s an amused smirk tugging at his lips as he puts his drink down again.

“Uh oh,” he laughs quietly, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. He squints at you, tilting his head to the side as his eyes flicker all around your face. “There’s somethin’ else there,” he whispers mostly to himself, “gotta tell me now, sweetheart.”

If none of this was enough to make your face grow warm, it certainly is now that you’ve heard the pet name leave his mouth. You feel as if you’re curling inward on yourself and you hate that the ground won’t show you mercy by opening up and swallowing you whole. Fidgeting with your fingers, you wonder if there’s any lie you can try and deliver confidently this time. But who are you kidding? You were never good at it, and it’s best to just rip off the bandaid.

With one last glance up at him, you see he’s not going to budge until he gets an answer, so you give him what he’s looking for. “Yeah, that’s… ‘my deal’,” you phrase his words in air quotes. “I haven’t really done, well, anything, and I don’t really know where to start,” you admit, still not looking him in the eyes. Frank nods as he lets your voice fill the air and you notice him making another curious face.

“When you say ‘anything’, what exactly do you mean?” he asks in a softer tone this time, no hint of teasing in his words. It’s then that you finally meet his brown eyes and see the kindness in their warm color. You bring in a deep breath and prepare yourself for the worst possible reaction to your following words.

“Um—,” you cut yourself off with a sigh, letting out all the air in your lungs and attempting to stall the embarrassment a moment longer. “Okay, like drinking, smoking, drugs…” you continue the list and watch him nod after each addition. “Never had sex, never—,”

“Bullshit,” his rumbly voice interrupts you, shaking his head in disbelief. The pout that forms on your lips is involuntary; you feared he wouldn’t have believed it, but you suppose it’s better than him teasing you. From the corner of your eyes you watch his lips part and his jaw go slack as he realizes what you said was the truth.

“Christ, you… you’re serious?” he questions as he looks at you in shock. You only nod silently, not sure how to continue from here. There’s a long pause where Frank is still as stone, remaining silent but seemingly trying to process the new information he’s discovered. The air feels so thick you worry that if you open your mouth to speak you’ll only choke.

The sound of a rumbly chuckle fills the air and you look up to see his wide smile. He’s dragging his palm down his mouth and rubbing his jaw as he shifts his hips forward and leans back into the cushions once more. You feel anger bubbling up and it quickly replaces the mortification that had been consuming you for the past few minutes.

“Screw you! I knew you wouldn’t have taken it seriously.” You cross your arms over your chest as you turn away from him. You felt stupid for sharing this with him, and now he has the audacity to laugh? Over something this personal?

“No, no, sweetheart, hey—,“ the pet name again does nothing to dull the burning under the skin of your cheeks. “I wasn’t teasing it’s just…,” he sighs heavily and shrugs his shoulders, “it’s a surprise, y’know?”

As much as you want to stay upset with him, you’re not sure your resolve can last that long. You attempt to maintain your defensive position and don’t dare soften the angry glare you’re shooting at him.

“Oh, don’t give me that look,” he starts, but you don’t budge. “C’mon, I’m sorry. I just wasn’t expecting it, s’all. Kinda hard to believe, honestly.” Your head perks up at the last sentence and you shoot him a look of pure disbelief.

“Yeah, well… you’re obviously the only one who thinks that,” you mumble, the self-deprecating words falling past your lips before you even register them. Frank sighs deeply and you notice the way his eyes are flickering all around your face, presumably trying to gauge how upset you are.

“It’s not like I want this,” you huff, deflating into the couch, “but now it’s like even if I want to try stuff, I don’t know what I’m doing.” You begin picking at your fingers as the insecurity grows with his silence. “It’s like everybody did the crash course in high school and they have experience. I don't even know where to start…” As you trail off, the silence becomes deafening and you find yourself missing his laughter because at least that was something.

“Aaaaand I said too much. Sorry, it’s just something that’s frustrated me for years and… yeah,” you decide it’s better to end the conversation than wait on a reply that won’t come.

“You didn’t say too much,” he finally speaks up, and the weight on your chest begins to dissipate. “Was lettin’ you get it all out,” he explains. He holds his chin between his thumb and index finger, grazing his jaw lightly and tilting his head as he thinks over your confession. You find yourself subconsciously holding your breath as you prepare for the worst possible response he could give you.

“Said you didn’t know where to start, right? Why don’t we start with something small, hmm? How about that beer?” Frank nods his head once in the direction of the abandoned bottle he had grabbed for you. You eye it hesitantly and think over the worst that could happen. Coming up with virtually nothing, you nod back to him, deciding it would be one small victory to deal with today.

As you wrap your fingers around the bottle, you raise your hand and turn to Frank. He mimics you, lifting his own in the air before clearing his throat.

“To…” he trails off, trying to come up with something as a cheer. His eyes drift off to somewhere else in the room, his lips parted as his eyebrows pull together. You can’t help the giggle that escapes you at his very serious thinking face. Not wanting him to hurt himself from racking his brain much longer, you speak up.

“To trying new things,” you say confidently, and the second the words leave your mouth you’re already regretting them. You physically wince at your word choice and now it’s Frank’s turn to stifle a laugh. “Yeah, that was pretty lame,” you admit to him. “Sounded better in my head.”

“Think it sounded perfect,” he replies before tilting his bottle towards you. You follow his lead as he brings the drink to his lips and you don’t think twice before tilting your own head back. The second the flavor hits your tongue you can feel your face scrunching up involuntarily. You bring the bottle away immediately and your lips purse at the taste in your mouth. Frank’s laughter rumbles out deep from his chest and you watch his Adam's apple bob as he swallows it down with no reaction.

“Attagirl, one thing down. That wasn't too hard now was it?” he speaks once he’s brought the glass bottle away from his mouth. Thankfully, the nasty beer is enough to distract you from reacting to his praise.

“You didn’t tell me it tasted like piss!” you exclaim, wiping your mouth off with the back of your hand.

“This is actually one of the good ones,” you watch as he takes another swig. “But you’re right, it’s not all that great,” he admits before licking his lips and looking at you.

Any residual awkwardness you felt only moments before has all but vanished and you feel comfort just being here with him. You smile softly to yourself as you brush your thumb along the curved glass of the neck of the bottle.

“Thank you for this,” you speak up, “it feels nice to get something crossed off the list.”

“Any time, kid,” his voice is raspy and you try to dissuade your stomach from doing flips at his tone.

The smile on your face grows wider in the silence, feeling a small amount of pride bubbling in your chest knowing that you tried something new. It doesn’t seem like such a big feat once you’ve climbed over the hill, but there’s always been that fear that keeps you paralyzed and unable to even attempt to move forward. You truly meant your words, you’re thankful that he gave you that little push.

“Y’know, I could help… with the list, I mean.” You’re almost certain you’ve never felt your heart beat quite this hard before. Frank waits until your eyes have locked with his before he speaks slowly, carefully chooses his words as he continues. “O-Only if you want, obviously. Just… said you wish you knew how to do it the first time, right? So it wouldn’t be such a big deal?” You hesitantly nod, still not wanting to assume what he’s proposing until he explicitly says it.

“Yeah, so I figured we could have you practice? Make sure you know what you’re doing before you get out there,” he ends his sentence with a shrug, as if it’s the most nonchalant offer.

“What?” you desperately try to ignore the way your words shake slightly. “Like you’d teach me?” You can’t even help the incredulous tone your words are soaked in. You can hardly even fathom the idea of Frank Castle being the one to show you the ropes, much less actually acting those things out with him.

“Yeah? If that’s alright?” He smiles gently and you feel your body beginning to relax some. “Just… I saw how much it meant to you and I wanna help,” he explains further, and you swear you’ve never seen sincerity like the way it’s shining in his warm, brown eyes.

You swallow thickly as you think over his proposition. It feels like this is some sort of dream; you’re waiting for your alarm to ring out as your vision slowly fades, waking up in your bedroom alone. But no amount of pinching your skin will rip you from this moment. It feels too good to be true, but it’s happening regardless. He’s waiting on an answer and it’s honestly the best offer you could think of being handed to you on a silver platter.

“And hey, you absolutely don’t have to say—”

“Yes,” you finally decide. You can’t even believe you said it.

“You sure?” he asks again, his eyes flickering between your own. You think it’s sweet how he tries to make sure you’re certain of your decision. You smile widely as you nod at him, the butterflies returning to your stomach once again.

“Also, we don’t, like, have to have sex… just so you know. I know that’s a lot, but I can help with the stuff leading up to it?” You grin and nod again and Frank laughs lightly at your response. “Just wanna make sure you’re comfortable with it.”

“I am! I’m just excited, sorry,” you fidget with the hem of your shirt in an attempt to channel all the newfound energy elsewhere. Frank’s chuckle grows louder and you wonder if you imagined the soft “cute” that was muttered under his breath.

“So…” he speaks up and you turn to face him completely. “How would you feel about crossin’ something else off the list?” You nod immediately as all the nervousness from before switches to excitement while it courses through you.

“Okay…” he laughs softly at your quick reaction. “Let’s see,” he pauses for a moment as he thinks before his eyes light up with an idea. “You ever been kissed?” You feel the familiar shyness creeping up again, but you choose to push it back down. Instead, you just softly shake your head and watch as he nods in understanding.

“You want to try it?” he asks, his lips curling into a smirk. You hum an agreement and watch as he moves a bit closer to you on the couch. Once again you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, for this to be some sort of joke. But Frank only waits for you to take the initiative to close the space between the two of you.

Now that you’re facing each other on the couch, you can feel your heart pounding against your ribcage as you wait for him to make the first move. He smiles reassuringly before raising his hand and cradling the side of your neck. His thumb brushes your cheek as his long fingers curl around the back, holding you gently in place.

“You sure you want this?” he confirms. Again, you nod eagerly.

“I gotta hear you say it, sweetheart. That’s my rule,” he explains.

“Oh…” you whisper as you glance between his eyes and his lips, “yes.” You feel your heart swelling at the fact that he wants to make sure you truly want what he’s offering. His eyes are fixed on your mouth, muttering one last, “Okay,” before leaning forward.

The second his lips touch yours, you’re surprised at how soft they are. He’s gentle with his movements and softly sucks your lower lip between his own. It only takes a moment for you to kiss him back, careful to only mimic his actions and still let him lead. The kiss is warm and sweet and you feel the blood rushing through your cheeks and tingling down your neck. His thumb catches your bottom lip and pulls it down slowly, breaking the kiss. Frank breathes gently as he licks his lips, his eyes flickering between yours.

“How was that?” he asks, his breath fanning over your mouth as he speaks.

“It was good. I-I liked it,” you smile sheepishly, subconsciously pulling your bottom lip between your teeth to savor the feeling.

“Yeah?” he tilts his head as the question leaves his mouth, his eyes squinting as he glances from your eyes to your mouth. You once again nod before you even think to do it.

“Alright, now I wanna give you a real one.”

“A real one?” you pout and stare at him confusedly.

He only smirks before leaning forward again, pressing his lips to yours harder. This time, his palm guides your jaw to tilt your head back as he deepens the kiss. The stubble lining his jaw scratches at your cheeks, and the prickling has you melting under his touch. You try your best to keep up, but his scent feels like it’s truly suffocating you now; you can hardly kiss him back with how overwhelmed you are. The next thing you register is the wet heat of his tongue brushing along your bottom lip, slowly tracing the shape before he pushes it inside your mouth. His tongue glides against your own and there's a small moan that escapes from your throat.

All too soon his lips leave yours and you open your eyes at the loss of contact. Frank’s own eyes are still shut and you watch as he clenches his jaw, almost as if he’s holding himself back from something.

“Are you okay?” you ask gently, worried you messed up somehow.

“Yeah… just, that was the sweetest god damn thing I’ve heard.” His voice is so deep it sends a shiver down your spine. Out of all the times you’ve dreamt of having your first kiss, you never thought it would’ve been that good. And to think, an impulse decision to watch a movie with him led you to this plan to gain experience. You find yourself already missing the feeling of his tongue, of the scratch that his stubble gave when he deepened the kiss.

“Whatcha thinkin’ about?” he knocks your knee softly with his own, attempting to grab your attention. “You’re being too quiet.”

“I just, well, I wanna do it again,” you admit, looking away nervously. In one sudden motion Frank tugs you into his lap and you yelp as you wrap your arms around his neck. He laughs softly as he stares up at you but doesn’t waste a second before kissing you even quicker than before. There’s only a few chances you can take to catch your breath because he hardly breaks the kiss. You never thought someone as attractive as him would want to kiss you this much, but confidence rushes through your body as his affection continues.

Frank’s mouth begins to wander, his lips finding new space that had otherwise been untouched. The corner of your mouth, your chin, your jaw—he never stops kissing you until he gets to your throat. From there, his lips part and he begins sucking on your neck. A shaky gasp leaves you as his teeth make purchase on your skin, softly biting before brushing his tongue over the mark.

“Done two new things,” he mutters, his lips moving around the words but never leaving your body. “How’s it feel?”

“I really like this,” you say breathlessly as you feel his teeth gently graze the sensitive skin of your neck. He hums into your throat, the vibration setting your skin alight before you finish your thought, “You can keep the beer though.”

Frank’s chuckle gets caught in his throat, resulting in the cutest snort you’ve ever heard. He presses soft kisses along your collarbone and looks up at you with sweet, brown eyes.

“Sure, kid, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

#frank castle x reader #frank castle smut #frank castle fanfiction #frank castle fic #jon bernthal fanfiction #jon bernthal fic #the punisher fanfiction #the punisher fic #chelsea writes #I'M SO EXCITED GAH!

985 notes · View notes

phoenixblaze1412 · 4 months

Note

Heyy may I request dottore with a very sleepy (Fem/gn)Reader who always struggles with nightmares and staying awake

(idk what to do against my sleepiness :<)

Dottore, being a man of science, a doctor himself, has seen people go through various things. Whether it be painful to the person physically, mentally, or emotionally- he has seen it all. Even done it to others.

But when it comes to you, he wouldn't dare put you through that pain nor stress. So when he noticed something weird about your behavior. He has to know why.

Observation is always the first step a researcher must do in order to gather data. With his clipboard in hand, he watched you move around his office.

Subject: Y/N

Observations:

- Subject shows signs of lack of sleep due to the bags under their eyes.

- Subject has a hard time doing their assigned tasks; lack of focus, sluggish movements, constant yawning.

- When the Theta segment recommended them to sleep, subject reacted anxiously before declining their suggestion and stating they don't need it. Subject seems to be scared. Possibility that the subject is afraid of sleeping or something related to sleep?

Comments:

- Subject does not want to sleep due to something that is giving them constant fear. Best to question them on why they do not wish to sleep for almost a week now. Another solution is to give them a sedative that could help them recover the rest they needed.

After reviewing his notes for a second time and making sure he got everything, Dottore went off to find you.

"Darling?"

You hummed in reply, your tired eyes looking up at your partner. Dottore could only sigh when he saw the bags under your eyes becoming more worse by the day.

"Is there a reason on why you do not wish to slumber? I have noticed how you're struggling to even move around or speak due to your lack of rest. I suggest you tell me why, I'm beginning to worry that you might hurt yourself due to your fatigued mind."

You didn't give any replies, embarrassed about your reason. Already knowing that avoiding sleep would be pointless and the fatigue would catch up to you sooner. Your state couldn't even go unnoticed by the doctor himself.

So... how would you tell Dottore that you can't sleep due to your nightmares? Childish as it may, the constant horrific dreams you've been getting each day was the reason why you didn't bother to go back to sleep. Not even a wink or shuteye.

Without further delay, you decided to tell Dottore. The harbinger himself listening to every word, processing, even coming up with various solutions to at least comfort you. It's not really in his nature to do the latter but for you, he would do anything.

"Nightmares? And what, pray tell, are you having nightmares about? Is it due to the screams of the test subjects in their cells? The 'grotesque' view that others would find whenever I am in the middle of an experiment?"

Though the words he used may sound cold and blunt, the hand rubbing your head gave enough warmth and comfort. Dottore prefers to say things whatever it is.

What's the point of sugar-coating the truth when it's already in front of you, afterall? That is what Dottore would think.

Nevertheless, his actions does speak more than his words. He led you to sit on the couch he has in his office, letting you lean onto him as he gently pulled you by the waist to be closer to him while he listened to you vent out your nightmarish dreams.

"Is that so? I have a few suggestions that can be of help to you, darling. You see, I have concocted a little sedative, one that can easily make you fall asleep for.. let's say maybe twenty-four to thirty-six hours. Just enough to recover the rest you needed. I also have melatonin that could help you fall asleep. Hm.. maybe we should use them as a last resort."

Dottore had to be reminded that you cannot sleep due to your nightmares. Which caused him to stop in his rambles before crossing out the ideas he suggested.

He may have gotten a bit carried away.

You couldn't be upset at him, he is trying his best. It's the littlest things that matters, after all. Besides, he's never been in a serious relationship with anyone until you came into his life and you're probably the only one insane enough to even date the second harbinger.

"How about.. you sleep with me? You could use the rest too and I need someone to cuddle with so I don't get any nightmares."

"Cuddle? Darling, I am a doctor, a scientist. I may know the benefits of physical contact, hugging to be exact, to a person but I am not one to do such a thing--"

Dottore could even finish his sentence when you were already clinging onto him. Like a newborn to their parent, your arms were wrapped around the doctor's neck as you cuddled up to him. Said doctor could only lay stiffly on the couch, he really doesn't know what to do, you even pinned him down to the furniture and got into a position where you both would be comfortable. His fingers were twitching to flip the positions, with you laying on the couch instead so he could return to his work.

But you felt so warm and soft and so vulnerable even--

No. Bad. Keep yourself in check, Dottore.

"If you don't want to cuddle then it's alright. I can go back to my room."

Before you could even move away, Dottore kept you in place. His arms circling around your waist to keep you from getting out of his hold as he leaned his chin on top of your head. Luckily he wasn't wearing his mask or else it could have poked your eye.

"If this will be of help to let you sleep easier without anymore nightmares then go on ahead. You do know that the brain could eat itself if it lacks sleep for a long time."

You could only laugh in amusement at the information. Dottore would always tell science facts here and there whenever he is doing something very affectionately. It's an easy way to hide how flustered he is.

Your eyes started to feel heavy as you nuzzled more into Dottore's warmth. You felt something soft pressed against your forehead along with a small hum from the man holding you, causing you to smile as you slowly entered a deep slumber. Dottore's words being the last thing that you hear before entering your dreamland, this time, no more nightmares.

"Go to sleep now, darling. I'll be here till you wake up. I won't leave you alone with your nightmares this time."

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #dottore #dottore x reader #zandik x reader #il dottore #female reader #gender neutral reader #il dottore x reader

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celticcrossanon · 22 days

Text

BRF Reading - 15th of May, 2024

This is speculation only

Cards drawn on the 15th of May, 2024

Question: Are Meghan and Harry actively trying to kill The King?

As I was shuffling the cards for this reading, two cards flew out. I was going to draw one card for Meghan, one for Harry, and one for them as a couple, plus the underlying energy, but those two cards told me everything I needed to know.

This is a two card reading

Warning: This reading contains some of the ugliest energy I have ever encountered in all my years of tarot reading. Please prepare yourself before you read it and do not read it if you are feeling at all upset/despondent/shaky/insecure etc. You need to be protected by God/Jesus/the angels/the universe/whomever you call upon to protect you before you read this reading.

Answer: Yes

Card One: The Three of Swords

This is the card that flew out of my deck as I was shuffling. One look and I had my answer.

The Three of Swords is a card of grief, heartbreak, despair. It shows King Agamemnon being killed in his bath by his wife Clytemnestra and her lover.

Clytemnestra brooded over past injuries done to her by the King until she decided to kill him. In this card she represents Harry, with his belief that the BRF has ''victimised' him (e.g. by taking away his military honours).

Her lover, Aegisthus, believed his family has been betrayed by the father of Agamemnon and had been conceived to take revenge on the family. He represents Meghan, with her belief that the BRF has hurt her (eg no one asked me if I was Ok, no one cared about my mental health, they are racist and all her other lies) and her desire for vengeance on them.

The picture shows the death of the rightful King by Clytemnestra and her lover. I am taking this as the death of The King at the hands of Harry and Meghan, in answer to my question. Harry and Meghan want to kill The King. They want to inflict the grief and heartbreak and despair of his death on the BRF.

Card Two: The Eight of Swords in reverse

The energy of this card is of stress. The reverse position has intensified the upright energy (as it sometimes does) instead of reversing the meaning of it. It also adds a delayed time element to the energy.

Harry and Meghan want to use stress to kill The King. They wants him to feel trapped, hemmed in, unable to move or escape, especially mentally. This card can represent someone who is trapped/paralysed by their thoughts and who feels helpless, and that is the energy of the card - what Meghan and Harry want to invoke in The King.

There is a very strong relentless energy to this card - Meghan and Harry will not give up until The King either a) abdicates in their favour (yes, I know that is not possible, but we are dealing with two delusional people here) or b) drops dead from stress - stroke, heart attack, cancer, they do not care.

There is a vicious energy to this card that lashes out repeatedly until the desired object is achieved - an energy I can only describe as stabbing, over and over again, until the person is dead. There is a chant going through my mind of 'stab stab stab kill kill kill' as I type this. The 'stabs' are emotional and stress wounds.

These two cards tell me that Meghan and Harry have planned to kill The King and they will not stop until it is accomplished - and then they will turn their attention to Prince William.

This is truly ugly energy - vicious, self-centred, and laser focused on their desires with no thought of anyone else.

Because it is so ugly I asked for a third card as confirmation, just to make sure I am on the right track about this, as it is a horrible thing to say about anyone.

Confirmation Card: King of Cups in reverse

The King of Cups is the card for Scorpio, and as such it represents King Charles, who is a sun sign Scorpio. In the reverse, it shows King Charles in decline, weakened, not strong and happy (that would be the card upright). The card represents King Charles in his role as a person, father/husband/uncle etc, and not in his role as King. To have it in reverse as a confirmation card is a definite yes. Harry and Meghan want The King to die and they are actively trying to bring this about.

Just in case there is any doubt, the card after this was The Seven of Swords.

The Seven of Swords - deceit, trickery, lies, scheming - with the pictures showing Orestes creeping into the city/palace to kill his mother for murdering his father. The card showing a son in the act of murdering a parent and the meaning of the card - thief, lies, deceit, scheming - confirm the message above and add to it - Harry and Meghan are trying to kill The King so they can steal what is his for themselves.

Notice that all the suit cards I am pulling are Swords - the suit of thoughts, plans, and strategies. Another confirmation. There is no emotion involved here (that would be Cups) - just a cold and merciless desire to remove someone who stands in the way of their plans.

This is revolting energy and I am going to stop now.

A note of hope - just because Harry and Meghan are actively trying to do this, there is no guarantee that they will succeed, especially if we pray for The King and for Prince William and his family and/or we send them protective energy. St Michael the Archangel is a good angel to ask to protect them if anyone is so inclined.

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arlecchno · 9 months

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everything has changed (alhaitham x gn!reader)

ONE. i just wanna know you better

masterlist next

SUMMARY - alhaitham was positive that he was not worthy of anyone's love, nor was anyone worthy of his. but after bumping into you on a random wednesday morning, he was ought to be wrong in many ways. also; in which you attempt on asking alhaitham out a grand total of three times; three different ways, three different places, and three different situations, in hopes of him reciprocating your so called love— people do say that third time's the charm, right?

A/N - i have delayed this for far too long. i have maybe slept while editing this draft for around 4 times. i was supposed to post this last week. forgive me pls

“three times.”

“pardon?”

you smiled at the gray-haired man at his desk, holding up three fingers as you repeated yourself once more. “i'll only ask you out three times, and if you decline all three of them, i won't ever bother you again. you can trust me on that.”

if there's one thing about you that alhaitham could describe, it's that you are… maybe a tad bit weird.

no, scratch that, you're insanely weird.

it's silly, he thinks. you're a well-known and respected scholar slash biologist from the amurta darshan. there's no one in the akademiya who doesn't know you, not when you're widely known for your eccentric researches and experiments. no, alhaitham definitely did not look into your work profile after that little incident. and even if he did, it was purely for work purposes, he was mainly doing his duty to report about it to the higher ups, lest he craves punishment or a lecture from grand sage azar.

anyway, frankly speaking, you should be professional, at the very least. hell, you have a doctorate. the title itself should be written all over you.

so why are you speaking to him like… well, he doesn't know. like you're a fool? a desperate moron in love? whatever it is, it's anything but professional to him.

see, this all started due to that sudden incident from a few weeks ago.

nothing ever beats the rush hour in the akademiya on a wonderful wednesday morning, it seems.

as a full time worker at the prestigious institute, it was just another day for you and your overworked colleagues. however, getting errands done during this time around would be a death wish, everyone within the akademiya walls knew of that, and of course, you do too.

yet it seemed like you had just dug your own grave.

honestly— who wouldn't? you needed to head over to your lab immediately, the specimens in the crate you were currently carrying needed to be experimented on within the fifteen minute timeline you had mentally set up in your head, so it was obvious that you had no time to lose.

and to speak; the crowds in the house of daena honestly weren't that bad— maybe a little less spacious than usual, but still merely nothing for an experienced scholar like you. see, that's what you had initially thought before getting back to your private lab.

you just need to head on over to the biology section of the house of daena to retrieve a book titled ‘fungi and its extraordinary lives’, and you'll be set to continue conducting your ongoing research project. look— you did think of snatching the book way earlier before you even set out on an adventure of getting your crate of supplies, but it would've been too much work for you to go back and forth from your lab, as it was already close to the house of daena.

you figured it was best to do it on your way back instead, which, in full honesty— was not even a bad idea. it was just that things just had to escalate a whole lot differently than you had intended to.

see— your first mistake was keeping your eyes busy on your task instead of what's in front of you. which, in another sense, is what any other normal person would do. well, you know your way around the akademiya like the back of your hand. the shortcuts to aisle number thirty-six in the house of daena, the bathroom to the end of the hall on floor two, the shortest route to the archive room of the akademiya, you name it. so you thought you could just waltz your way through the library easily. again, your first mistake.

your second mistake was that you were clearly doing anything but walking, understandably so. you're well aware of the akademiya rules: no running in the institution, no careless mistakes, no idle chit chat and gossip— among many others. right, the handbooks weren't a stranger to you. there was even a point in your life where you were forced to memorise it from a to z by one of your professors because you were unfortunate enough to have unintentionally broken one of the many minuscule rules that one time, which in your opinion was quite the torture for a mere student like you back then. you may or may not still hold a grudge against the said professor.

as you were double checking your to-do list with a pencil and piece of paper on your beloved crate, you hadn't realized that you were walking towards someone. okay, maybe the correct word for your actions right now would be sprinting, but you'd hate to admit that you were in the wrong.

now, this is your last mistake. the person that is about to bump into you is not a mere scholar, whom you can't just apologize to once or a few more times and move on with your day.

next thing you knew, you collided into the person's chest that was so hard it felt you just crashed into a wall, and much to your dismay, caused you to harshly fall on the pristine floors from the impact, along with your precious, precious crate, which is now most likely a lost cause as your specimens and other important stuff you had worked so hard to look for earlier were all over you and the extravagant floors of the house of daena. disgusting, you know, but that was the least of your worries right now.

as if that wasn't already downright embarrassing enough, you're now covered in gooey fungi, you have totally made a fool out of yourself, and all eyes are currently on you, scholars and students alike whispering amongst themselves at the scene they were witnessing. a monstrosity, truly.

you were sure that you'd be the main topic of gossip for at least a week. maybe two weeks at best.

the house of daena was silent, with only the chit and chatter amongst the scholars as an exception. at first sight, you wondered why everyone would pay so much attention to you instead of continuing on with what they were doing just a fleeting second ago. surely this happens in the akademiya at least once, no?

you've made two revelations to this; one, you were so ungodly hideous that everyone just had to stare. or two, you had probably just bumped into some hot-shot akademiyan.

of course, the first thing any sane person would do is look up to the perpetrator who had cause you this much damage. (it was your fault to begin with.)

so you did.

and of course any normal person who had just been bumped into would have thought of the same thing: have every reason to be angry at the person who bumped into you, whether they were in the wrong or not.

so it was only natural that you too, had the same thought in mind.

but the second you laid your eyes on him, it's as if the whole world stopped, and you finally understand why everyone was so adamant on just standing there and whispering about your little incident instead of helping you out like any decent human being would. and the latter of your revelation was definitely on spot. you would've done a victory dance if you were in any other situation except this.

because the person you had just bump into is none other than the scribe of the akademiya, the one and only, alhaitham.

you've heard of him a few times— apparently he's quite the reserved man, yet would not hesitate to call you out on your wrongdoings or foolish mistakes. well, that's what you heard anyway; as a mere worker who is trying to make ends meet, you are in no position to judge people based on what your fellow juniors run their mouths about these days.

for as long as you've been both an alum and full-time employee at the akademiya, it's truly a wonder that you've never actually seen the scribe in person. right, that's also what you've heard people say— that the scribe can hardly be spotted, nor can he be found easily to begin with. he's never in his office, and it's not often that you'd find him within the akademiya walls; the man is anywhere but at his working place, and somehow gets away with it because he's the scribe, whose presence is not of importance unless he deems so.

and if you are granted the position to say this; it is mainly because the higher ups of the akademiya takes great pride in their respected positions, so it is not a shocker that someone with an official title like grand scribe can frequently get away with such things.

egocentric, blunt, unambitious and many more— those are the few descriptions you've heard over the past few years from scholars about the scribe.

but out of all of the mysterious things you've miraculously heard about the man, you've never seen or heard people point out how attractive he is.

how could they not? he’s got a broad frame that could actually knock the breath out of you (which in this case, quite literally did knock you down), a set of clothes that somehow just screams him, despite the fact that you know next to nothing about the guy, tuft of gray hair that bounces graciously and looks luscious enough it makes you envious how he even manages to take such great care of it, and lastly, a pair of turquoise eyes that looked like an oasis from the sumeru desert, one you could just stare into forever, ever and ever.

this man is a whole package.

it was like the gods had granted you the perfect opportunity to present yourself in front of an attractive man, like the gods have finally decided to fill a bit of colour into your hopeless romantic and workaholic life, and gave you this blessing— except for the fact that this, this might be the most embarrassing way possible in doing so.

oh how you want the ground to swallow you up right now.

after what seemed like forever (it was less than thirty seconds), the man of the hour finally speaks, startling you with his voice. “would you rather sit down there like a fool or will you stand up?” ouch. maybe it's safe to say that at least one of the things people say about him are, in fact, true.

you blinked, once, twice, before you could pick up on what what he said and hurriedly stand up, glass jars of your specimens that were previously all over you clinking to the floor a little too loud, some already having been broken and shattered, but you could care less when the man in front of you was currently glaring at you like you have committed one of the six cardinal sins.

before he could even jab you more with his next few blunt words, you decided to bow down to a complete ninety-degree and started profusely apologizing, all previous thoughts of wanting to blame everything on him for ruining your prolonged experiment were thrown out the window (again, it is your fault in the first place.)

sure, this might hurt your pride and ego, but you'd rather do this than having the possibility of listening to the scribe giving you a lifelong lecture on the basic rules of the akademiya, or yet even worse, you get sent to the grand sage and have your doctorate and title revoked for being unprofessional, unethical, or whatever nonsense grand sage azar would demote you for. call yourself dramatic and insane, but you'd rather not inflict any chances of ending up humiliated or jobless. or both.

a beat passes, and you're still mumbling out apologies, causing alhaitham to clear his throat in order to cut you off.

“you… you can stand upright now,” he said, and it takes you another few seconds before you reluctantly do as he says, and the first thing you see is him looking at you with a puzzled expression plastered on his face.

“i apologize once again, scribe. it was my fault, i wasn't looking,” you looked down as you spoke, staring at your ruined materials on the white tiles.

alhaitham all but sighs, and tells you to look where you're going next time. you couldn't help but only nod, not even glancing at him once out of embarrassment. “you are fully aware of the akademiya rules, are you not? act one-o-three; no running in the institution unless–”

“–an emergency occurs, or and if ordered to by either of the six sages, grand sage included,” you finished his sentence with the slight of an eye roll, before remembering that this was the scribe, not your annoying biology professor who countlessly had you memorise the five-hundred-page worth of akademiya rules. truthfully, there was no need for a teaching institution to have that many rules.

then, he prompts another question: “do you perhaps need any help…” he seemed to have trailed off, and you flickered your eyes to him just for a fleeting second to see what he was doing. “amurta scholar?” he finished his question as he stared at your lab coat, a small badge to your left with the amurta logo pinned on it, indicating which darshan you are from.

“uh… no– it's alright,” you say sheepishly as you quickly crouched down, already starting to pick up your glass jars and whatnot. “you should get going, scribe. you must have a lot of work to do here in the akademiya.”

alhaitham could only nod as you tell him that, not even minding the fact that you were not able to see him as of the moment. he merely tells you to watch where you're going next time and starts to walk away; which in your opinion was maybe just a tad bit rude— the least he could do was help you out. but knowing him, as per what people talk about, that'd be nigh impossible. also, you did say that you didn't need any help, so you couldn't blame him per se. honestly, if you were in his shoes you'd probably have done the same.

so you hurriedly finished cleaning up your mess and ran to your lab, all in your splattered–with–gooey–fungi glory. as you sighed behind closed doors, you prayed to the gods above that your project would go smoothly and peacefully. fingers crossed.

well, maybe after yet another exhausting trip to the avidya forest for another set of fungi, that is.

but of course, it was only wishful thinking, there's not a lot to hope for when alhaitham pretty much occupied your mind the whole day. it has even gotten to the point where your fellow juniors had to snap you out of your daydream so that you could actually focus on your research.

sure, call yourself a hopeless romantic (maybe a crazy lunatic in this case), but who wouldn't fall for him at first sight? and who the hell cares about the things scholars gossip about him? a man with that sort of pretty privilege could run over your toe and you would gracefully thank him for it.

and, point in case— alhaitham isn't that bad. okay, sure, maybe a little too blunt and too uncaring for his own good, but he is not as bad as people make him seem.

maybe you should get to know alhaitham more, right? not because you're interested in him (you are, but that could be pushed aside for now), you merely want to debunk the bad rumors about him going around (they aren't even half as bad, just highly exaggerated and overall childish) and make sure that everyone knows that alhaitham is not just the egocentric and arrogant guy people always see (he probably is just exactly that, but it's worth the try).

you firmly believe there's more to the scribe than what meets the eye.

so, you make it your mission and goal to get to know alhaitham better, even if it may be the worst idea possible.

spoilers: it absolutely is the worst idea possible.

after the minor incident you had, you tried your very best to encounter him during work hours, which honestly wasn't as challenging as you thought it was. sure, he's not around much, but after maybe a week or so of hanging around the house of daena (stalking would be the ideal word you're looking for), you finally got to know his routine— well, only for when he's around the humongous library, but that will suffice for now.

evidently, alhaitham would only visit the house of daena on wednesdays, and weirdly on saturdays, at ten in the morning sharp. for what reason you quite have no clue, but he's frequently around the linguistics section, reading a book or two about ancient runes and that sort of stuff, sometimes even seen squabbling with a certain architect from the kshahrewar darshan too. you don't know kaveh much— but apparently he's acquainted with alhaitham, of all people.

but now that you know a part of his routine, you can probably catch the opportunity to get to know him. so ever since then, you have been, quote unquote, “bumping„ into him nonstop.

the first few times you bumped into him, you had greeted him a couple of times, and after a bit of coaxing, you somehow managed to drag him into small talk. you've even gotten to the point where you're asking him when he's free— reason why? of course, you just want to take him out for a bit during lunch break to make up for the incident you two had just a few weeks ago, definitely no ulterior motives whatsoever; which unfortunately, alhaitham kept declining because he quotes that “it would be a waste of time,” and that “things should just be left in the past.”

but that clearly didn’t stop you from trying, again and again. your guardians clearly didn't raise a quitter.

one thing you did find out about alhaitham after a few conversations with him is that the man is anything but fond of small talk, which was expected. and after countless attempts on trying to get him into one, you eventually had to go on a different route to get his attention.

so, here you are now, somehow having managed to reach your way to his office— and miraculously enough, alhaitham just so happens to also be present at the time, which gives you the perfect opportunity to raise the deal that has been dying to escape from your throat.

look— there's no denying that you are here for work purposes; you were requesting for one of your documentations to be cited and reviewed, and although alhaitham is mainly responsible for documenting data regarding the akademiya and the six darshans, he offered a helping hand during one of your small talks you had successfully managed to coax out of him.

and you did come here for that, but you just couldn't help but blurt everything out.

and it doesn't really help that alhaitham is looking at you like you've submitted the worst thesis possible. you haven't even handed it to him yet.

alhaitham continues to frown. “would it not be a hassle to be asking me out that much? why would you even be interested in me?” he had asked, and he didn't bother waiting for your reply as he continued speaking. “you could use those three times right now and i'll decline all of them instantly. that way, you won't have to bother me again.”

“well aren't you quite rude, scribe,” you huffed, retracting your hand back to your side. talk about rude; you're here for the sole purpose of asking him out. “give me a chance, would you? i'm confident that you'd have changed your mind by the time i'm on my last chance,” you grinned as you quirked your eyebrows up and down, and alhaitham almost rolled his eyes as he folded his arms over his chest and leans back on his chair. almost.

“i highly doubt it,” he says.

you tucked your files closer to your chest. “have you ever heard of the saying ‘third time's the charm’, scribe?”

“i believe so, yes,” he nods, then adds: “you'll only ever hear obsessive gamblers say that sort of nonsense when they've lost their current gamble, in hopes of winning the next round.”

in an instant, your jaw drops. “are you implying that i am gambling my love life?” see, if you look closely— alhaitham was this close to smiling.

“i am just saying that there is no point in pursuing something, or someone, in this case, when you've already failed the first time, biologist,” well, now you understand why scholars say he is unambitious. “it would be a waste of time to be around me, or be with me, for that matter. i doubt that i could ever reciprocate your feelings.”

ouch. you'll probably have to double check your list of alhaitham's personality chart again.

“please?” you plead, and alhaitham stares at you for a little too long that you eventually had to break eye contact to avoid his intense gaze. “i promise you that i will never bother you again, you can trust me on that. you won't even see my face on the grounds of the akademiya.”

he looks at you confusedly. “are you not the famous biologist with fifteen awards on their name? i am bound to bump into you in the near future, in one way or another.” he says, tapping his finger on his forearm.

huh, how did he know that you have won fifteen akademiyan awards? as far as you know, this guy knows nothing about you, the fact that he had to check which darshan you are from during your incident was enough proof.

maybe you're not the only one who is interested in the other.

“that's not the point!” you groaned, rubbing your temple with your free hand. this may or may not be directed to both your thoughts and him.

okay, maybe this was a bad idea after all— alhaitham is an impossible man. you'd think that you were capable enough to break his façade, to see the true him after a bit of pestering, but nooo, you're pretty damn sure this is him. there's no such thing as a façade. he's just… alhaitham. which could either be a blessing or a curse, if you ever manage to steal his heart. that, or maybe both. but then again, it still doesn't change the fact that he is one tough nut to crack.

alhaitham sighs. “will you really leave me alone?”

“huh?”

“will you really stop bothering me once you're over with your… shenanigans?”

you blinked. then, you widen your eyes, nodding. “of course. i won't pursue you again, scribe. all i am asking is for you to lend me your time for the duration of— uh, actually, i'm not sure what i am supposed to call this,” you mumble the last few words, but still audible enough for the gray-haired man to hear.

“say, hypothetically, what would you do if i were to agree to one of your three chances of asking me out? what will you do then?”

“oh,” you shift from one foot to another, awkwardness coursing through your veins at the lack of answer you could think of at the top of your head. “i… i am not quite sure. that's for future me to worry about, i guess?”

alhaitham raises a brow, but doesn't question your uncertainty. instead, he says something else in return: “alright, then. i will indulge in your antics for as long as you'd have me as your… social experiment.”

social experiment is just an over exaggeration, right? it has to be. no rational person says it like that.

“what?”

“i'm saying that i will agree to the terms you have given me, but you will stop bothering once your chances are up. do you understand?” he enunciates his words carefully, and you almost dropped your files, right then and there.

gulping, you nod, a small grin tugging at your lips, and alhaitham already regrets his words when you say: “of course.”

well, be prepared for a rollercoaster ride.

extra note - ok guys please keep me in your thoughts and prayers 🙏 writing slump is crazy this is the first work i’ve posted in over 2 months. that is ridonkulous. hope i don’t disappear again

taglist; @isotofl @dancinghillary @heartswonder

taglist is still open!! :D

#alhaitham x reader #alhaitham x you #genshin x you #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact reader insert #genshin x reader #al haitham x reader #genshin alhaitham #h✧˖— writes #h✧˖— everything has changed #i went through the five stages of grief writing this #yet somehow i still hate it

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madarasgirl · 6 days

Text

His Immortal

Permission to use art from the INCREDIBLY talented @vanerchest. Feeling very honoured! I think about this piece often whenever I write Alucard angst.

C/W: Alucard (Ultimate) x senior!Reader, angst, on death and dying, hospital setting, hurt/no comfort, shadow writing. Inspired by the legendary song "My Immortal" by Evanescence Words: 998

You supposed you were the one who was selfish for choosing this mortal fate and leaving your greatest love behind.

Did you regret this path? Sometimes you thought perhaps you did. There would have been tons to gain by becoming an ageless vampire at his side, and on occasion, you used to speculate 'what if?'

It didn't matter. It was far too late to backtrack anyways, and it would be an insult to do so, after living such a beautiful, full lifetime spent with Alucard, teeming with precious memories and magical experiences. He aged with you through the decades –at least he made it so his appearance did.

But as with all mortals who lived long enough, you too eventually grew very old, frail, and sick. Your body betrayed you and no longer belonged to you. It didn't obey when you wanted to walk, speak, eat, or even breathe.

So here you lay in a hospital bed, intubated and sedated, machines replacing the function of vital organs while multiple drugs dripped nonstop to hold you captive in this realm. What a sight you made, with tubes protruding from every corner on your skeletal form.

Your body may have failed, but fortunately you never developed dementia. Your mental faculties were as crisp as the night you met so long ago. A piece of you was still buried within, floating from above and somehow aware of the happenings around you in your comatose state.

The various alarms and buzzing were only background noises by now, and there was little commotion this time as well, but you felt a sense of relief. Sighing inwardly, you wished Alu would leave your side for a moment so you could just die already, though you knew that was an empty hope. The vampire had not parted from the bedside your entire stay.

Was he scaring the nurses by crying again? You hoped he'd remember to make them forget this time. And not to terrorize the staff and force them to do whatever it took anymore. You recalled the time you surfaced with another set of thick tubes in your neck and groin, and how painful they were. How frightening it was.

"You must live," he whispered to you at night at first. For his sake. So you did, trapped in the confines of your weathered shell, you continued to exist for him, slowly spiralling downhill until now.

With any other man, you'd be helpless to communicate in your vegetative state, but Alucard had never been as mediocre as 'normal.' So you begged him through telepathy. After all these years, reaching for his mind was as easy as sifting through your own thoughts, as natural as breathing (well, back when you were still able to do so independently). You implored him again to let you go. You were terminal and old, with no hope for recovery or any good prognosis. Being connected to every form of life support was not life, just a sad fate that prolonged your suffering and delayed your inevitable expiration.

Long ago, he promised not to let you suffer.

Alu, please don't make them bring me back again when my heart stops.

The weary, congested muscle thudded weakly towards failure. You were already dead in every way except you still possessed vital signs. The numbers were just evidence of the drugs, transfusions, and machines at work though.

The irony wasn't lost on you. At the end of the road, after declining his many offers to turn you when you were a maiden, you were finally just like Alucard, the living dead. You'd laugh if you could.

...More than anything, you didn't want him to see you like this, a husk of the vibrant woman you once were when you fell for each other. The unlikely circumstances of your meeting and scenes from your life flashed by in an instant. The vampire would tell you throughout the decades, when he'd get in one of his romantic moods, that you'd always be his sprightly young woman no matter your age. He actually only told you again yesterday. Or was it last week?

How long have you been laying here?

The mind's eye saw his seated figure clearly and smiled. Actually, your tired mind pondered, you certainly did not regret a moment of your life with Alucard. He was the perfect partner and his unchecked devotion never gave you a reason to regret choosing him. Your lifespan was too short for that, he used to tell you.

But you regretted leaving him behind to be alone once more.

--------------------

Your heart stopped. And he loved you enough to let you go.

You were free.

Your spirit lifted from the prison of your flesh and you soared, wrapping around your love with your incorporeal form, sinking into him and caressing the unbeating heart that had ever belonged to you. This time, you wiped away the blood tears that fell.

You quivered.

Liberated from the pains and illnesses of advanced age, it was as if you'd become new and for the first time ever, like the fog lifted and you could finally see with clarity. Your non-existent chest tightened at the sight of your love crushed by your death, looking utterly devastated and lost. There was no sobbing or outward breakdown, but you knew his expressions well.

Nebulous fingers smoothed over inky black locks while you cradled his cheek. Glistening eyes the colour of polished rubies stared blankly at your lifeless corpse, your chest still rising and falling mechanically before the ventilator was turned off. He could not feel your soothing touch anymore and it broke you.

...

You will watch over your vampire from above and wait for him for the rest of your eternity, until he returned to dust and was no more. Then you'd meet him wherever he ended up. Just as he was, you were bound by the life you left behind.

And even if he was unaware, he still had all of you.

~End~

(For more angsty romance, check out my one-shot “Without You” on AO3. Warning: Smut abounds in that one. It is about the occasion when Reader chooses to remain human for her remaining days with Alucard. You will find similar themes to this short scene)

#alucard hellsing #alucard x reader #alucard x you #alucard fanfiction #vampire x human #angst #Actually I'd rather die of old age in my sleep #In bed with Alucard and not a living corpse in a hospital #But mentally I needed to write this piece for myself #Reader is more likely to be very puffy and edematous based on her medical status and elderly comorbidities #But I used “skeletal” instead for the effect #tw death #monster lover

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idyllicdrop · 9 months

Text

fridays - second touch. | child! fushiguro megumi / child! nanami’s sister! reader

- content - y/n and megumi have become quite familiar with each other. gojo makes a discovery, and nanami is in denial. (~1.6k wc)

- cw - gojo; the tooth fairy/inaccurate culture; slightly ooc teen nanami?; megumi gets a bit overwhelmed; not proofread.

- 2/6 - previous - full series (in progress) -

- - -

“too slow!”

with a hard thud, the strongest jujutsu sorcerer once again tripped over a child that stood at not even half his height. gojo could only point and let out a nasally laugh at the fallen young fushiguro,

“shut it,” megumi dejectedly mumbled, quickly moving to get up off the ground, “you said i was improving last time”

“hmm…” the mentor’s voice went an octave lower as he continued, “and i used that exact same maneuver last time.”

megumi did not dare to say a word now. it seemed like gojo was genuinely scolding him - a first since they’ve started training. the young boy almost wanted to get angry since gojo’s most recent disappearances played part in this delay, just almost. megumi figured it was actually good to know gojo was getting serious instead of-

“you’re distracted~”

that sing-songy tone made megumi lose all hope; it was the last thing he wanted to hear right now. it seemed gojo actually isn’t taking things seriously. rather, he was planning to do something truly irritating to his mentee’s livelihood.

- -

“gojo-san left again?! that’s the third time this month!”

you stared in disbelief at megumi, who just arrived to your brother’s desk and opened up a familiar red notebook,

“it’s like this every month.”

megumi seemed to pay you no mind in favor of focusing on his homework. in reality, he couldn’t stand to say more words than necessary to you. otherwise, that ‘panic’ feeling from 4 weeks ago comes back, which he would rather avoid. especially in front of nanami, someone who megumi respected and was silently filling out paperwork across from you two.

“really?! when do you ever have time to train then?”

“he’s normally more free on saturdays.”

“oh! i seee…” your genuine curiosity was something he could easily entertain. the questions you posed were mostly direct enough to give a quick answer.

“are you sure you’re okay with going alll the way to saitama by yourself today?”

your concerned expression, and memories from a week ago caused megumi’s face heat up now: memories of you being awfully persistent about joining him on his almost hour long journey home, which while nanami disapproved of for your safety, megumi also declined because he’s ‘done it many times before.’ the odds were up against you, and ultimately you settled with walking him to the torii gates of jujutsu tech and ‘no further’ - a request he personally made.

“i-i’m sure.”

“but fushiguro-san, doesn’t the train at least get boring??”

the palms of megumi’s hands began to perspirate, and he realized he may have been too active in the conversation today. he was sure that if he attempted to reply to your question, his words would trip and stumble. while the young boy was mentally deciding if he should take that risk, the worst voice of all called out from behind,

“megumi-chan~ time to get to work!”

you gasped, stood up, and sped walked out of megumi’s field of view to greet the face you were long due of seeing,

“gojo-san!”

“y/n-chan!”

standing right before the strongest jujutsu sorcerer of the modern era, your head cranked up as you pointed to your mouth,

“i lost another tooth!”

“ooo, well remind the tooth fairy to pay her dues!”

“that’s what i’m doing right now.”

nanami and gojo stiffened as the latter awkwardly continued,

“oh- uh… megumi!” the targeted young boy finally tilted his head in his mentor’s direction, “you need to be at the north field in 5 or i’ll tell y/n about your biggest secret!”

“ehh?!”

gojo’s deflection skills worked like a charm. you stood there dazed, thinking about whatever megumi's secret could be, which allowed nanami and gojo to not confront the fact that you found out the 'tooth fairy' was just gojo. another thing that crossed your mind was the cruelty of gojo for putting megumi on the spot like that.

megumi, who was now swiftly walking out the office area, kept his head turned down. his messy black hair over his face was purposefully obscured from the visible spectrum, but a certain six-eyes user could see beyond that.

“bye fushiguro-san!” you called out to your friend, not particularly expecting a response. as soon as he seemed out of earshot, you pouted at gojo and accused, “that was mean.”

“oh c’mon, aren’t you curious?”

“nope! if fushiguro-san has secrets he wants to keep, then there’s no reason for me to know if he doesn’t want me to!”

gojo let out an exaggerated sigh as he crouched down, quickly pulled something out of his pocket, and then discretely extended a crisp note out to you before whispering,

“just go get yourself some treats before nanami notices.”

“yay!”

you giggled, purposefully breaking the intended secrecy of the exchange. before nanami could say anything, you sped walk away, knowing your favorite vending machine was just outside the building. from a distance, you called out, “you are forgiven now, gojo-san!”

“gojo-san, i already told you not to give her sweets,” leaning back in his desk chair, nanami stared up at the ceiling while pinching the bridge of his nose and saying, “it’s not healthy for a child.”

“well if you’re so concerned about her than you should be interested in little megumi’s secret!”

“no i should not.” nanami immediately recognized gojo’s redirection tactics and tried to go straight back to the topic at hand, “please just do not give her-“

“megumi-chan’s got a crush on your sister~”

this time, gojo was successful. visible confusion filled nanami's expression right after. the blonde teenage paused for a moment to consider gojo's statement, before he then tiredly responded,

“they’re kids, gojo-san.”

“and one’s in love~”

“fushiguro is eight.”

gojo clicked his tongue and placed a hand on his hip before quipping back,

“you can’t tell me you haven’t noticed the signs!” gojo's other hand was now dramatically placed on his heart as he continued, “little megumi is always willing to talk to her. do you have any idea how hard it is to get him to talk to me??”

nanami sighed before noting, “that is not exactly an exclusive experience when it comes to you.”

“not to mention, he gets all red like a tomato around her!”

that nanami didn’t know how to reason away when gojo initially acknowledged it. he’s no doubt noticed, but also just never thought much of it...

“fushiguro doesn’t seem to have many friends…” nanami's new train of thought allowed him to regain composure, “especially of his own age. y/n is the only one around and they just started being friends. it makes sense if he gets nervous sometimes.”

with a cheeky smile, gojo turned around and started heading out, “i’m now 6 minutes late to training because of you! also, don’t get mad at me when the love birds start sneaking around behind your back!”

with renewed reassurance in his own stance, nanami easily brushed off gojo’s claims, and went back to paperwork.

- -

next friday, gojo satoru was called away, again.

“no homework today.”

you forcefully shut the red notebook before megumi could even fully open it. as he stood in momentary shock, you continued,

“gojo-san told me you haven’t seen the whole campus yet, so today i’m gonna show you around!”

that’s how the two of you ended up sitting by a koi pond, alone. most of the tour had been dead silent on megumi’s part. besides pointing out the names of different buildings, you talked nonstop about memories you’ve had around campus with other jujutsu sorcerers, students, and staff. you have had far more interactions with them in all of your brief and few visits over the years, compared to megumi's constant and prolonged ones these last couple of months. the dichotomy was telling of your different personalities.

the almost two hour walk around campus ended at your favorite spot: a koi pond. it was rather secluded and brought utmost peace. you ceased to speak for a few minutes when you arrived, simply enjoying the scent of fresh water and clean bamboo stalks. save for a buzzing bug here and a small splash from one of the fish there, a comfortable silence held the two of you now resting on a bench-shaped rock.

“i love it here.”

your interruption gave megumi awareness of the situation. you two were alone, quiet, and that felt comfortable to him, for a few fleeting moments. but then, that one panicked feeling was now slowly creeping - a contrast to its usually violent arrival. you continued in a soft tone,

“nii-san said this is the most beautiful place on campus.”

beautiful. something about that one word caught megumi’s attention. especially as he had the courage to now look at your tranquil expression, noticing your pupils constantly shifting as they tracked a koi swimming down below. all of a sudden, a conspicuous smile stretched across your face before you blurted out,

“y’know you can say something if you want, right?”

little fushiguro megumi immediately felt a lump lodged in his throat as he froze and stammered,

“um, i…”

the two of you were unknowing that a pair of teenage boys were now approaching your direction. one with a permanently plastered grin and the other with furrowed and tight eyebrows. the latter asked,

“was there even a point in asking me to help you find them if you already knew where they were?”

gojo only playfully hummed in approval as the two rounded the last corner to their destination. from the beginning of the small path leading to the pond, they could see the two children they were looking for. the two were sitting side by side, separated by only a couple inches of empty space.

one was stuck gazing at the other, mouth slightly dropped open, and the young boy spoke just loud enough for the girl beside him to hear,

“i-i like it here too.”

the teens observed that after megumi’s mouth finished moving, y/n’s posture perked up and she turned her head towards him. in the process, she noticed the audience out of the corner of her eye, and made a point to lean in, hand resting in the space between them, finger tips slightly grazing his before she whispered,

“i like being here with you, fushiguro-san.”

- - -

- the tooth fairy cw was mostly bc i didn’t think to look up if japan even has a tooth fairy child’s myth until after i already wrote the scene (and i love said scene very much). anyways, apparently they do not. whoops, my bad.

- also, in my mind, y/n uses gojo-san not to specifically respect gojo, but to mimic nanami :)

- also this is the last of them as little kids! megumi’s ‘troublemaker’ teen era is next.

- taglist - @hisheadismountfuji (feel free to ask to be added!)

#jujutsu kaisen #megumi fushiguro #megumi x reader #fluff #nanami kento #gojo satoru #childhood friends to lovers #y/n just wants to be friendly and let megumi to open up more #she thinks he reaally struggles with it but the truth is his ‘panicky’ feelings are too strong around her :)#gojo is a menace #(and a matchmaker)

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thyinum · 9 days

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Hello !!

I'm such a big fan of your work, and I would find myself staring at them for hours. I get so excited seeing your posts and doing the best I can to provide not only your aid but to other Ukrainians. I pray for all of you to gain safety. 🙏🏽🩷

[Which often gets delayed because the noises around me are deafening - T∆T]

In your pinned post, about sketch requests : I would like to see Avatar Roku again in your art style - there's just something so admirable about him, especially the way you drew him.. Of course, this is after all your decision whether to decline or accept it. I just hope that you prioritize your mental being first <3

Hey! Thank you so much for the love and everything you do. Seeing your likes and comments always brightens my mood 🤲💙💙💙

Here's Avatar Roku with his trusted buddy Fang for you 🧡🔥

(while trying to come up with an idea for the sketch, I made one sketch of Roku on my iPad, and it goes so well with that drawing of Yangchen in the Avatar State that I may end up finishing it lmao)

#traditional sketch requests #avatar roku #roku #atla

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mikachacha · 8 months

Text

𝙾𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚟𝚎 (𝙱𝚊𝚍𝚊 𝙻𝚎𝚎 𝚡 𝙷𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚐 𝚈/𝙽)

Synopsis: You are Haechi's younger sister. You were supposed to pick up your older sister but she cancels out at the last minute since she wants to go out with her team. While you were about to head home, you saw Bada Lee, the leader of Bebe waiting for a cab. You offered her a ride that soon became a start of a relationship.

Warnings: nothing. This is just pure fluff

(A/N: I'm currently not feeling well and Tumblr is a hater so requests got a bit delayed 🥹 Also thanks anon for always giving me something to work on 🫶🫶)

🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸

"Need a ride?" you asked Bada who's currently outside while waiting for a cab. You're Hwang Y/N, Haechi's younger sister. You were supposed to pick your sister up but then she decided to go with her team for a little celebration. Bada looked at you then the time on her phone. If she decides to wait for a cab, she's gonna be late to her class so she nodded at your question. You handed her your spare helmet and waited for her to get on the bike.

"Thanks.. Aren't you busy? Were you supposed to pick Haechi up?" Bada asked as you began driving. She wrapped her arms around your waist like she was holding on for dear life. You couldn't blame her since Haechi often complains you drive fast.

"Nah, not really. And Haechi went off with her team to celebrate a bit." you told her and soon, you arrived in front of JustJerk Dance Academy building. She got off and handed you back the spare helmet you lent her. You were about to drive off to spend your spare time somewhere else when Bada held your arm, signalling you to stop.

"Can you please stay? Or do you have to be somewhere else?" she asks and you were taken aback from her request. You looked at your phone to check the time and shrugged. It was too early to go home, you'll just die of boredom there knowing your sister is gonna be home really late.

"Yeah sure I can stay. Can I ask where the parking is? So I can park my motorcycle." you asked and she told you the directions to the parking area and also told you which room she's gonna be in. You went to park your motorcycle and messaged Haechi to not lock you out of the house in case she comes home earlier than you since you're out passing the time somewhere to which she responded with 'ok'.

You went to where Bada said she was gonna be and when she saw you, she couldn't believe her eyes at how pretty you were. She only saw you on social media and you were already pretty there but seeing you face to face, it's like she's seeing a goddess standing before her. You're just a bit shorter than your sister but your pretty face made up for your height.

"So uhh.. I really wanted to treat you to dinner since you let me ride with you here.. Least I can do for you." Bada says and you smiled, shaking your head.

"Ya.. You don't have to buy me dinner. I have nowhere else to be anyways. Is it okay if I watch your class?" you asked and she nodded her head, smiling. She practiced for a bit that got you holding your breath. She looked so hot dancing to Shirt by Sza. You watched her some more before deciding to join her. You copied her moves which made her look at you in surprise through the mirror. You just playfully winked at her while dancing with her until she finished.

"I'm surprised you didn't join your sister in Wolf'lo.. You dance really well." Bada praised and you blushed a bit at the taller girl's praise. You just danced for fun, you're not really fond of competitions despite Wolf'lo begging you to join them. You enjoy a stress-free life so you decline their offer.

"Nah. I just dance for fun, I'm way too lazy to compete." you told her and she chuckles at your answer. You watched her class, in awe at how amazing Bada is when teaching. She's so dedicated and very passionate when it comes to her class that you made a mental note to maybe come and drop by to watch her teach.

When Bada finished, she found you still at the back looking like you really enjoyed watching her class. You looked at her, smiling and giving her a bottle of water that you got from the vending machine earlier. She thanked you and drank some water before wiping her sweat with her towel.

"Lemme just freshen up and change clothes. We're still going out for dinner." Bada says and you just shook your head in pure amusement. Bada really is determined to take you out for dinner so you just let her be. It's been a while since you went out with someone so you didn't really mind.

You waited outside the building with your motorcycle and when Bada came out, you handed her your spare helmet which she took and put on. She told you the place she wanted to go and you drove there. It was a cozy little restaurant which you found adorable. You both ate and just got to know each other while you were there, sharing each other's life story and other things. You even exchanged phone numbers so you can keep in touch.

You went home that night very happy. You can't deny that you have a crush on Bada by the end of the night. Even Haechi teased you when you got home since she saw Bada's post that was tagged to your account.

"So you and Bada, huh? Is my little sister dating the infamous Bada Lee?" Haechi teased as you entered your house. You just shook your head and playfully glared at her. Haechi laughed at your reaction and playfully nudged your shoulder.

"Sometimes I want to kick you, you know?" you told her which made her laugh even more. She found it really amusing since it's rare for you to go out, let alone go out with someone. She didn't even think you and Bada would cross paths but she's happy that you guys did. She'll approve of Bada in a heartbeat seeing how she takes care of her team. She's confident that Bada would take care of you so well if ever you guys would date.

"What? I'm just looking out for my baby sister. But seriously though, if ever you and her end up together, I approve of it. My baby sister deserves to be happy~" Haechi say and even hug you which made you whine out before escaping to your room. You quickly messaged Bada goodnight and went to sleep.

You and Bada became closer the more you messaged each other. You would sometimes pick her up from her taping for Street Woman Fighter or from her classes. You loved spending time with her and she feels the same way. Even her team would tease her regarding Bada's closeness to you. People on the internet would also ship you and Bada together as more pictures of you and her together surfaced online.

"Does it bother you when people ship us together?" Bada asked one time as you and her sat in the park together. You decided to take her out on a little dinner by the park. You cooked some of her favorites and dined under the stars.

"Not really. Kinda amusing to me. How about you? Does it bother you at all?" you asked her back and she shook her head, smiling at you.

"Not at all. I kinda like it. I mean, who wouldn't? You're pretty, you're fun and you're extremely caring. Though I sometimes wish that it wasn't just people shipping us. Would it be wrong of me if I wanted us to become more than a rumor? I really like you, Y/N.." Bada finally confessed. She thought about this for weeks already and she's more than sure about the feelings she has for you. She just hopes that you feel the same way.

"I'm wishing for that, too." you simply told her, a smile gracing your lips. Bada's eyes widened before she pulled you in for a hug and you kissed her. Maybe Haechi was really on to something the first time you went out with Bada. You made a mental note to yourself to give your sister special treatment when you get home as a thank you.

#bada lee #bada lee x reader #bada x reader #swf2 #swf2 x reader

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bonny-kookoo · 11 months

Text

Jungkook

𝓣𝓪𝓴𝓮 𝓒𝓪𝓻𝓮. [Leave Me Be]

He's been saving lifes for years now, has trained and studied solely for this purpose, so why does it feel like he can't save yours, no matter how hard he tries?

Tags/Warnings: Hospital/Medical AU, Doctor!Jungkook, slightly aged up!Jungkook, Hybrid!Reader, Dog Hybrid!Reader, another slightly heavy one but the comfort is strong with this hurt, angst, fluff, romance, strangers to lovers, blood, medical stuff, mentions of domestic (physical and mental) abuse, corruption, mentions of drug abuse, vomiting, health scare

Length: 3.3k words

-> Masterlist

There is no taglist for this fic

A/N: Hi did you forget about this already because I didn't

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For the first time in years, everything's.. calm.

Outside the somewhat opened window, birds are chirping. You can hear cars, people, a construction site close by. It's faint, pleasant background noise if anything, and you enjoy it a lot as you sit in your bed, bathing in the relaxing atmosphere, when the door opens.

"Good morning." A kind voice calls out to you, bringing something into the room. "I'm bringing breakfast." Nurse Park explains, moving the table over your lap before he sets down the plastic trays with your food. "Everything still alright with you?" He wonders, and you nod, quietly.

It's something he and Yoongi had already noticed a little while after Jungkook left last night, when he'd checked up on you. You've been declining slowly but steadily, somewhat drifting out of reality it seems like as you've started to fail to recall where and why you're in hospital this morning when a different nurse had woken you up this morning. You're awake and alert, yes. Your reflexes and motor functions are still fine, although a bit delayed- but other than that, you're not doing as well as expected. "I'll stay here to make sure you eat well, is that okay?" Nurse park asks, and you nod, tail wagging a little, when Doctor Min softly knocks on the door, opening it quietly to walk in.

He looks like he just arrived, hair freshly washed and face looking somewhat more rested than last late evening when you saw him.

"Look, here." The male nurse offers you cutlery- but you don't seem too interested in taking it from him, rather watching something going on outside. "Not hungry?" He asks, but you don't seem to really feel like answering, ears moving towards Jimin, but otherwise, there's no reaction, apart from your growling stomach.

"I've been told you're being a bit quiet today?" Yoongi wonders gently, standing close but not too close- observing your behavior. You seem distracted, eyes not really focusing on anything specific, though your ears turn and move around to catch any and all noise- now turned towards him, but you just yawn, before your attention is taken by Jimin's hands placing down the cutlery again. "She's worse than yesterday." Yoongi hums to Jimin, who nods, picking up some rice with a spoon to hold out to you- this you happily take, seemingly gladly being fed instead of feeding yourself. "Did we get her urine tests back yet? Jungkook had asked for them, I remember." He wonders, and at that name, your ears move towards Yoongi, making him chuckle.

"We did one this morning- we had some emergencies last night and didn't get to do it right away." Jimin says, continuing to feed you. "And her caretaker was here too. Took us security to pull her out."

"What a nuisance." Yoongi shakes his head. "Will she be back?" He asks, and Jimin shakes his head.

"We managed to have her visitors' rights revoked for now." He says.

"Good. I want that urine test asap, Jungkook's gonna rip our heads off if he get's her later today and we don't have any answers for why she's in a worse state than he left her in." He sighs, before leaving you alone with the nurse, who's continuing to feed you your breakfast.

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On the way to work, Jungkook feels uneasy.

He hasn't slept well, didn't really get good rest, but he's tried hard to let his body recover from the harsh shift yesterday so he can at least be somewhat refreshed today. He'll need all his energy, and he knows it.

Walking into the hospital, people greet him just like always. When he walks into the staff rooms to change and prepare for his shift, everything seems normal too. It's when he walks closer to your room that he notices something off- especially the fact that both Namjoon and Yoongi are standing in front of it, both men looking extremely serious.

"Jungkook." Namjoon greets, and Jungkook nods.

"You don't look too happy." He comments. "What's going on?" He asks, and Namjoon sighs, unsure how to explain it, when Yoongi simply spills the facts, known to be rather rough with info.

"You've got your first proof." He says. "Of something going on, I mean. Here." He says, giving Jungkook the clipboard with the urine test results up front- the hybrid specialist immediately gripping the board tighter.

"What the fuck?" He asks, reading through the results. "Ketamine? Diazepam? Acepromazine?" He reads up, and Namjoon nods.

"We assume it must've been given by her caretaker yesterday when they were alone and without a nurse present- or possibly this morning before she was kicked out. We have since contacted authorities to investigate their home for any traces of the drugs." He informs Jungkook, who runs a hand through his hair.

"How is she?" He asks, worried about you.

"Well, considering the cocktail of medication she's got in her system at the moment, she's pretty out of it. Couldn't keep her breakfast down, and fell asleep a few minutes ago in a hallway near the ICU after wandering off when no one was looking. Jimin is closely monitoring her now- I've set him up as her designated babysitter until she get's-" Yoongi informs, when suddenly, both his and Namjoon's pager beep loudly, their small monitors showing the room number their standing in front of.

Everyone immediately barges in to see Jimin holding onto you, a small paper bowl held in one of his hands while the other pets your back. One look closer, and everyone realizes what spooked the nurse to the point of pressing the emergency button near the bed.

There's blood in the bowl.

"Her BPM is erratic, and she's hyperventilating." Jungkook immediately observes out loud. "Obvious Tachycardia. What happened?" He asks Jimin, who shakes his head helplessly.

"She suddenly felt nauseous, and threw up again. She didn't eat anything for the past four hours." He informs Jungkook, who soaks up the info as he has to watch your body convulse again, attempting to bring up nothing but saliva and blood yet again.

"Why is her BPM so high?" Namjoon asks no one in particular. "She's been given tranquilizers.." He mumbles, when Jungkook suddenly seems to realize something.

"Because it's not the drugs themselves-" He says, earning looks, "-but the combination of them. Ketamine and Diazepam combined are used to treat epilepsy." He explains, showing off how he's not a renowned hybrid specialist for nothing. "But Ketamine and Acepromazine combined can increase heart rate, cause seizures, and induce vomiting in canine hybrids."

"But that doesn't explain the blood." Jimin worries.

"Maybe it does." Jungkook says, inspecting you slowly calming down- or maybe it's just exhaustion catching up to you. "If she's received these drugs before-"

"She might've developed chronic GI bleeding from the drugs or ulcers that haven't been treated, and those might've opened up again." Namjoon nods. "That would explain her anemia as well."

"I want a gastroscopy done asap, ping me right after you've got the results." Jungkook orders. "For now, let her sleep. Don't give her any food until we have the results back, and we know what we're dealing with exactly. I'll have someone set up some fluids intravenously, and have her diet plan adjusted." He says, before he begins to walk out.

"What are you gonna do?" Jimin calls after the doctor who's pulled out his phone, his other hand opening the door for himself.

"End someone's career." He growls to himself, before he leaves the room.

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"She's got a clear inflammation and a pretty nasty ulcer right here, just like we thought." Namjoon points out on the images taken, Jungkook standing close to him to observe. "Clear signs of drug abuse, or in her case, clear signs of both a poor diet and general neglect by her owner and or caretaker." He sighs.

"Like I thought." Jungkook says, defeated. "I got a response back from local police, by the way." He says.

"Really?" Namjoon asks, attention sparked. "Did they find something?" He wonders, and Jungkook nods.

"They have a hunch- apparently Dongsun had acted suspiciously when asked about her, but they need a warrant to search the entire premise because he refused them access." He mumbles. "In the meantime, Dongsun will probably clean up any traces of the drugs until police can properly search his home. And considering her situation, nothing she says will be taken seriously in court, even if she does know anything about this."

"So we're not even close to getting her out of this." Namjoon sighs, closing the window with the results. "What are we gonna do now?" He asks, and Jungkook shrugs.

"Treat her. That's all I can really do." He defeatedly says, leaving the unit of his friend before he walks down the halls, unsure what to do now.

There's no way he's gonna get you out of this, not without any proof of you being in an abusive situation. And especially considering who you legally belong to, it's clear that this guy's agency will do whatever they can to either silence the people attempting to expose him, or they'll make sure nothing can ever get out to the public in any way they can.

As he enters the room of another hybrid patient, he gains a bit of comfort back. It's silent in here, machines working steadily, hybrid on the bed sleeping soundly.

At this point, Yoongi had opened up enough to reveal to Jungkook that the cat hybrid sleeping here had been adopted by the neurologist himself a few years prior- but he had been worried people might treat her differently if they knew her connection to him. It made sense, somewhat.

She's still unresponsive, though has been slightly improving a little these past few days, seemingly giving some clues as to what's going on with her. And as Jungkook goes through his routine check up, he does notice something different- her tail, slightly moving, almost unnoticeably.

But it's there.

He touches the tip, testing as he pinches, the tip of the tail moving. It's delayed, not very strong, but it's a voluntary, active movement she's displaying. Something he writes down immediately, pinging Yoongi's pager to call him up to the room.

And it doesn't take long for the doctor to rush through the door, already changed into his normal clothes, almost having clocked out of his shift.

"Here, have you noticed this?" Jungkook wonders, repeating the action he'd done before- her tail pulling away a bit more clearly now, making Yoongi rush to steal Jungkook's pen with the little light on the other end of it, shining it into the hybrid's eyes.

"Her pupils are reactive." He says almost like a whisper, as if he can't believe it. "You see it too, right?" He rambles, and Jungkook checks as well.

"It's very mild, but yeah. There's a reaction." He nods. "We should order a new scan for tomorrow-"

"No, right now." Yoongi shakes his head, his own eyes showing his inner panic. "I want it done right now." He decides, pulling out his phone to call the appropriate people for the scan, making Jungkook smile a bit in sympathy.

He hates moments like these.

They've happened before- and the disappointment always seems to weigh heavily on his senior every single time afterwards. It's cruel, really. But he himself can't bring himself to remind the neurologist of the potential crash of emotions later on if it turns out to be nothing at all, because he's aware that deep down, Yoongi knows that himself.

So he just let's him do his tests, leaving him alone for the time being.

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"Ah, Jungkook." Jimin laughs, dramatically sighing. "Maybe you can get this stubborn thing to eat her lunch." He teases, your ears pinned back as you cross your arms in front of your chest, refusing to open your mouth.

"Someone's being a little brat here?" Jungkook says playfully, sitting down on a chair he pulls close to your bed. "What's up with that?" He asks, pointing to your light soup you've got in front of you. You stay silent- still very much battling the aftereffects of the drugs running through your body- before you point to your lips, and the clean and empty paper bowl close by just in case. "Worried you might bring it up again?" He asks, and you nod.

"Funny you say that." Jimin comments, and you visibly shrink in on yourself, seemingly knowing what's to come. "Considering I found this?" He teases, holding up a pen that's..

seriously chewed up, plastic bent and dented.

"Oh wow." Jungkook laughs, taking it from the nurse to inspect. "That's impressive!" He can't help but throw his head back to laugh at it, making you happy as well though, his happiness clearly infecting you.

Unbeknown to him, chewing on things is a nervous habit you've had since you were a pup- but normally, when at home, you're getting severely punished if something gets chewed on- so Jungkook's reaction is new, and pleasant.

"I think someone's having some anxiety, hm?" He wonders, reaching out to pet your head- something you immediately lean into. "That's fine." He hums towards you, before he turns his head towards the Nurse. "Might wanna inspect that though, in case she's got some toothache or something else." He informs Jimin, who nods. "Now eat, okay? Slowly, and it'll be fine." He tells you, before getting up- earning a very prominent whine from you, who's clearly against him leaving.

"Come on, doctor Jeon has to go home at some point, no?" Jimin tries, and you simply deflate, nodding, accepting- and Jungkook feels his heart break a little.

He wants to stay, wants to bond with you because you deserve that bond- but he can't.

He shouldn't.

There's no guarantee that you'll be removed from your current situation- there's no guarantee that even if you are removed, that you'll be able to be adopted. And even if you are- could he even take care of you? Can he provide for you? He's got a stressful job that requires a lot of time. And while he knows that Yoongi had made it work in the past, that doesn't mean he can make it work, too.

It's giving him a headache already.

Especially because he sits down next to your bed again, taking the bowl of soup closer to himself to help you eat, since your arms are still weak from the drugs attacking your muscles. He's not supposed to do that.

He shouldn't.

But the sight of your happily drooping ears and the way your tail wags every time he laughs makes him not care.

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When Jungkook finds your room empty the next day, he panics for a second- and it's clear that his bad feelings aren't weightless.

"Oh, Jungkook!" Namjoon offers as he walks past the room Jungkook walks out of. "Are you searching for her?" He asks, and Jungkook nods.

"Did they release her already?" He worries, well aware that Dongsun might have pulled some strings to have you released from hospital early.

"No. It's.. well, it's more complicated." He sighs, running a hand through his hair before he leads his friend down the hall. "She's currently no longer under Dongsun's care, but governmental. Seoul's Hybrid Care Project has taken on her case after the police found traces of the drugs and other.. well, pretty damning evidence of both neglect and straight-up abuse at his home."

"Thats good though?" Jungkook wonders, confused. "So she's with SHC now?" He asks, when he notices the path they're taking.

"She's been transferred to the ICU at around 3 this morning after she developed a fever." Namjoon offers rather defeatedly, while Jungkook seems worried. "She started seizing first about an hour after you left, which we were prepared for since you noted that in her files-" he explains, dodging a running intern. "-But she later complained over muscle aches and Jimin found her on the floor in the bathroom of her room and noted how dark her urine was." He informs his friend, who sighs, scratching the back of his hea deep in thought.

"Rhabdomyolosis." Jungkook says, and Namjoon nods. "Fuck. Do we have it-" he starts, but Namjoon nods.

"We have it under control- as much as we can." He offers to reassure. "Her temperature is slowly coming down, and her kidneys are doing surprisingly well considering the situation." He offers, opening the large door to the ICU. "We gave her meds to stop her seizures and block any adrenaline. She's not conscious at the moment though, since she was panicking badly."

"Understandably." Jungkook sighs, walking towards where you're laying.

He hates that he can't just magically snap his fingers and get you well again. He hates that you've done nothing to deserve any of this, that there's literally no reason for you to be treated like this.

"Have you considered taking her in once she recovers?" Namjoon quietly asks, as Jungkook stands close to you, not even noticing until after it's happened how he adjusts your head a little, running his fingers through your hair to sort it out a bit.

"I've got no time." The young doctor sighs defeatedly. "I wouldn't be able to care for her properly."

"Jungkook, you're working way too much anyways." His friend offers, checking on the machines currently monitoring your health. "Maybe this is a good chance to step back a little and give yourself some time as well? You're gonna burn out in a year like this, if not even less." He worries, and Jungkook just stubbornly rubs his eyes.

"Any update on Yoongis hybrid?" Jungkook changes the topic, needing to distract himself for now- and Namjoon accepts it.

"Scans came back honestly pretty confusing." He shrugs, crossing his arms. "There's clear brain activity, but it's not conclusive. Yoongi said he's gonna check in with some other experts today, so maybe he can figure it out." He explains. "But what's clear is that she's definitely got an increase in neurological function, which is good though." He says.

"Thats really good." Jungkook nods. "Maybe he's finally getting his happy end." He mumbles, when a hand is placed on his shoulder.

"You both are gonna get yours too." Namjoon offers, before he lets go of his friend. "Someone from SHC is gonna come by later today. Tell them you want to be written down as a potential future owner." He tells his friend, who looks at you on the bed, subconsciously moving your head towards his hand close to your face, his scent probably invading your senses causing an instinctual reaction.

And it makes Jungkook nod. Because if the world wasn't up to treating you well until now-

He's gonna take on the job, and make sure you'll get to live the life you deserve.

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#bts imagine #bts fanfic #bts fic #jungkook imagine #hybrid imagine #jeon jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook imagine #jeon jungkook imagines #bts jeon jungkook imagine #jungkook imagines #bts jungkook imagine

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aro-culture-is · 1 year

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Aroallo culture is constantly feeling like a degenerate

I have... more than a few things to say on this topic, but I will restrain myself to the two major points that have caused me to delay posting this.

For one: Internalized sex negativity ahoy!

In all honesty? I genuinely do not understand how sexual attraction without romantic attraction (or any other form of attraction, really) is supposed to be bad. I genuinely cannot tell you how wild it is to think that sexual attraction, one of the instincts that has generally been selected for among all sexual species similar to us, is somehow... morally incorrect? How much must we hate ourselves, see ourselves as the monster in a bedtime story, for the invisible Thought Crime of feeling like another person is attractive? It's okay. Literally the only "bad" is if your actions in response to a feeling are performed in malice or cause harm, and even then there's nuance that requires thought and communication, not mind-reading and assuming others will be disgusted.

Sincerely, please please please look into sex positivity. Read about it. Follow sex positive accounts, movements, and people. Let yourself feel in response, and ask yourself what does and does not speak with you. Engage in the topic. You don't have to believe it right away, but I promise you, it is well worth your time to expose yourself to resources that teach you another perspective that does not demonize the vast majority of the world in some strange and non-productive way, producing shame and little to show for it.

Secondly... degeneracy.

What a very, very loaded word. To summarize some points from Wikipedia, in terms of fact: the concept of degeneracy in this usage originates from the 19th century theory of social degeneration. The concept of heredity had yet to be fully understood in social degeneration's 18th century development, and this movement largely believed that habits of parents changed their child's biology. This, in turn, was used to explain a perceived decline in civilization. It took little time for the theory to appear in medical and zoological works, with the intent to explain why different ethnic groups exist. You may recognize this concept by a directly related one: eugenics.

The theory of degeneracy first grew fame when used to explain racial differences, and quickly spread from the medical field to psychiatry (ie, mentally ill individuals will produce more severely mentally ill children, and therefore should not continue their lineage) and criminology (particularly when combined with phrenology). It was associated with authoritarian political attitudes such as militarism, scientific racism, and support for eugenics. The development of degenerate theory both partially predates and partially follows the works of Gregor Mendel in describing the theory of evolution, and frankly, largely based its so-called scientific backing on incorrect understandings of evolution and poor science, using such understandings to prop up eugenicist beliefs.

Why do I say all this? I think it is very, very important to recognize the sociopolitical bullshit that props up the absolute pseudoscience that social degeneracy revolves around, and to state that anyone who truly believes in degeneracy does not actually have the best interest of other's in mind or heart except that of the current in-groups. if people in your life are using these theories and words, I want to empower you with knowledge that they are, scientifically and historically, very much in the wrong. I want you to be able to look at their words, and understand the context behind their beliefs, even if they themselves do not.

also, real talk: if you can, form other social networks. join a club, play social games, go to community events, anything it takes to experience people outside of those who give you this message. it'll do wonders for you to build social circles outside of that stuff.

tl;dr:

the origins of the theory behind the word "degenerate", as used today, are scientifically bullshit, politically and socially motivated, and largely were used to justify eugenics. i would recommend not trusting people who genuinely believe in degeneracy to have anyone's best interest at heart but their own, and that you are perfectly normal and fine as you are.

#aro culture is #aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #ask #mod axel #alloarophobia #internalized alloarophobia #sex negativity cw #long post

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daisys-reality · 2 years

Text

ʟᴀᴡ ᴏꜰ ᴀꜱꜱᴜᴍᴘᴛɪᴏɴ

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐒𝐭𝐨𝐩𝐬 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐅𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐋𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐃𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦 𝐋𝐢𝐟𝐞?

How to choose a picture: Try to calm down, take deep breaths & use your intuition to select. Take you time and chose the picture you feel the most drawn to.

༣P𝔦𝔩𝔢 1

4oC, JUSTICE, 4oW in REV

hello pile one<3 Guys don’t worry too much. The transition is already happening behind the scenes! But I see you feeling a bit of discomfort because of this transition. Things have ‘slowed down’ in your 3D - at least that’s how it appears to you. But the universe or rather the law works in fact really quickly for you. You might feel bored or dissatisfied with your everyday life. You may feel disengaged, apathetic or unmotivated – maybe life has become dull. Are you disappointed that it takes ‘so long’? Don’t worry, you feeling closed off from the world is the work of your higher self/of yourself. You’re meant to take the time to reevaluate how your dream life shall look like - to find that deeper meaning or sense of direction. You might want to manifest that picture perfect life everyone wants to have right now but is that really what you truly want? Use your discernment to decide on what is truly important to you, and don't be afraid to say ‘no’ to mainstream things that are just hyped on social media that don't align with your future path. At this time you are turning your attention and your energy internally, to realign to this new phase of your life. You want to be grounded within when you start your new life. While you may need to decline some very alluring opportunities, you do so knowing you will be in a better position to say ‘yes’ to the opportunities that are a better fit for you!

This is a very important step for you and you know that you need to be ready to take responsibility for your actions and stand accountable for the ensuing ‘consequences’. Try to be aware of the impact your decisions will have on your well-being and the well-being of others. Choose consciously by connecting with your inner guidance system (your intuition) and asking for the answer that is most in alignment with the highest good of all. Search within until you find the place where you can stand in integrity and strength. As you explore your truth, try to be aware of what you believe to be true and what you believe to be fair and ethical. It may not be as clear-cut as you think, so prepare to challenge yourself and to explore new territories of your belief system.

Right now it might be hard for you to stay so private about your plans and the hard work you’ve put in. Try to reward yourself every now and then - there is no need to wait to be happy! Make yourself happy now, your dream life is being custom-made for you right now and you will very soon be able to enjoy it! - Everything is going as planned, nothing can stop your manifestations! So just take care of yourself, create inner balance, sleep enough and do things you enjoy until then! You going through a great transition so make sure that your feeling ok <3

-> check out my other pac readings

༣P𝔦𝔩𝔢 2

2oS, EMPRESS, QUEENoP

Hello pile two <3 I see you facing ‘challenging’ decisions regarding your dream life, but you are unclear about which option to take. You might have two or more possibilities in your mind right now that may seem equally good – or equally bad – and you are stumped about which will lead you to the best outcome. You know you need to make a change or transition in your life but are reluctant to do so. I know it’s really annoying when you’re stuck with a difficult decision and afraid to proceed but this indecisiveness and lack of ‘action’ (mental action) may make the situation worse in a way - stagnation/delaying your dream life. You may hope that the issue will go away on its own and you won’t need to wrangle with this difficult decision. Or you may try to fool yourself into thinking you can put up with it, even when you know deep in your heart it is time to move on. It is natural to want to avoid discomfort, but sometimes you must push beyond your comfort zone so you can evolve as a person. That discomfort can be a positive sign that growth is happening, so feel into that energy and let it encourage you to keep moving forward and expanding yourself.

You know it’s not the manifestations that take a long time - no, manifestation can be instant but it’s us or rather our mind that sometimes needs time to grow into that state in which we are able to receive those manifestations. Try to practice more patience (for yourself) and don’t be too hard on yourself. You are like a delicate little seedling that can grow into a strong tree who can withstand any storms. Give yourself time to grow and space to unfold/evolve into your highest version. Don’t cling stubbornly onto something (or someone) that might not serve you - you or your life might even turn out into something ‘better’ (for you), you’re just not aware of these possibilities yet! Keep an open mind on how your dream life can turn out but stay overall persistent with the fact that you only deserve the best.

Use both your head (your mind and the intellect) and your heart (your feelings and intuition) to choose the path that is most in alignment with your higher self. It’s important that you make a decision once you feel that you have all the needed information. Right now you’re asked to be more critical overall and I feel like you should focus more on your dream life - it seems your daily life is quite hectic. For example, lay down, listen to your favorite songs and think about how your dream life shall look like, imagine yourself living it, let your thoughts flow -you might come up with different scenarios that are more fulfilling. While deciding to manifest something, ask yourself who does benefit from it the most? Remember, your goal is to be happy - not anyone else but YOU - so what would make you truly happy? Think about it. I see a bit of turmoil deep within you, blocked emotions or anxiety maybe? I think your words sometimes contradict your actions in a way. Be careful with who you involve yourself with and with who you want to involve yourself with from now on.

If you struggle in your 3D with your finances, relationships or with your health right now - I see this quickly coming to an end! (spoiler alert: I see you being that independant, skilled, wealthy and attractive queen/king hehe) Again, the message comes in strongly that you cling onto something right now that is not ideal nor the best for your growth - please try to keep your eyes open for other possibilities and potential issues. You know that certain break-ups or separations are a part of life - sometimes we’re clinging onto people or situationships (friendships?) out of emotional attachment that aren’t serving us anymore, but something better and emotionally more fulfilling is waiting for us out there. Try to accept this and don’t resist the change.

Something that might help you, is to work on finding closure with your 3D. Make a clean cut (emotionally) and leave it behind (mentally). Maybe even show gratitude towards yourself like ’I’m grateful that I was able to withstand all that I went through and I’m ready now to move on to something better.’ Wherever you are on your journey, know that only YOU can find the keys to your solution and only you can find it WITHIN yourself (- in other words: you are the key to everything). Get in touch with your feminine side regardless of gender (elegance, sensuality, fertility, creative expression, nurturing yourself and others), connect with people who make you feel good and connect more with nature to ground your energy and to be in flow with the earth. For example, take a trip to your favorite natural setting, be it a forest, beach, mountain or lake, and sit for a couple of minutes, hours or even days to breathe in the energy that surrounds you while marveling in the beauty of your surroundings. Allow yourself the time and the space to enter a different frame of mind. When you do this, you can reach higher planes of consciousness!

Connect with your senses through taste, touch, sound, smell and sight that maybe remind you of your dream life. Draw on these senses to experience pleasure and deep fulfillment! Treat yourself to a day spa, enjoy a fine restaurant or spend more time with people you love. Discover different approaches to expressing yourself creatively, be it through painting, music, drama or other art forms (that may enable you to access this hidden part of yourself). Also, you might feel a strong urge to nurture and care for others, from a place of loving compassion and support and in doing so you, too, receive benefit!

Surround yourself with life’s pleasures to feel comfort. You are in a period of growth, in which all you have dreamed of is now coming to fruition !! You are the creator of all, you gave birth to all those things, now be ready to receive them.

-> check out my other pac readings

༣P𝔦𝔩𝔢 3

7oP, PAGEoC, 6oS,

Hello pile three <3 I see you thinking a lot about your dream life and you’ve already invested a lot of time and effort into this ‘long term project’ of yours. On this journey, you had to learn to focus your efforts where they are most important and you worked hard at nurturing this idea/thought (of your dream life) in your mind. While you may feel impatient with the ‘slower progress’, I want you to know that if you keep at it, all your goals will come into fruition!

I think right now it’s important that you practice what you’ve learned - don’t overdo it, if you're tired because you keep exhausting yourself, try to focus on only the most important aspects. You might be the type to do things intensively but in that way you won't be able to keep doing that for long, you will exhaust yourself until you stop completely. The key here is balance! You don’t need to listen to subliminals, meditate all day long, think about your dream life 24/7 or be perfect, no. It’s about learning to persist in a way that you can keep up with for a long time. It’s your personal journey. You are not necessarily looking for quick wins. You might also want to make sure you are putting your attention on the right areas instead of wasting time and effort on tasks that will not deliver any value. Be careful of activities in your daily life that just drain your energy and make it hard for you to keep up with the things you love/that are important to you. Maybe try to step back from your day-to-day operations and look at the bigger picture. You know, your dream life is already being custom-made for you RIGHT NOW. Celebrate what you have created and assess your progress so far. Are you on track? Are you focused on the right tasks for your goal?

To be honest, you might actually be quite frustrated right now, you may even feel concerned that your efforts will go unrewarded. But darling, I promise you, what I see here is that you’ve made GREAT progress so far - even if you can’t ‘see’ it right now. Nothing you did was wasted effort, okay?

Keep going but in a way that is sustainable for you. Because I see that your manifestations will come to you out of the blue!! You will be kinda surprised but deep down you will have known that it was the right time. You’re meant to stay open and be ready to embrace anything coming your way, okay? It is with a curious mind that you will discover new aspects of life and yourself. You will be pleasantly surprised, i promise you. Be ready to dream the impossible dream, and explore the magic of your fullest potential, even if it seems out of reach right now! Prepare your mind and trust your intuition. Try to look for synchronicities and signs (ex. angel numbers), they will guide you on your path - tho they may come from unexpected places, or they may not even make sense to your rational mind. It is like following ‘intuitive breadcrumbs’ – one intuitive clue leads you to the next thing, and the next, and the next. And before you know it, you have found yourself in a place of full alignment, happiness and bliss - living your dream life. All by trusting your intuition and going with the flow!

I don't know what your current life looks like right now and what exactly you’re going through but I see you leaving behind a tumultuous situation (life), and moving towards a more peaceful and supportive environment. As of right now, you are in a state of transition. At times you might still feel sad to leave behind what is so familiar to you. However, you know this move is essential for your growth and personal development. The sadness over what you ‘lose’ or release will soon be replaced by greater mental clarity and a renewed acceptance of change. You are heading towards a much better position in life, as long as you are willing to evolve and shed whatever you no longer need. Do not dwell on what gets left behind. Instead, use this as an opportunity for changing your beliefs about yourself, moving away from whom you used to be and towards whom you want to be.

Also, you’re being asked to reflect on any emotional or mental baggage you may carry as you move from one phase to the next. This heavy weight from the past you’re carrying as you move forward is slowing your personal/mental growth a bit down - it’s nothing extreme though. Try to decide what you need to take with you and what you can leave behind. I mentioned it in the other piles too, it’s not the manifestations that take a long time - manifestations can be instant but it’s us or rather our mind that sometimes needs time to grow into that state in which we are able to receive those manifestations. You’re very close, go with the flow, listen to your intuition and don't exhaust yourself.

-> check out my other pac readings

#🌼 talking #pick a pile #pick a card #pick a picture #pac reading #pac #law of assumption #loa #loassumption #manifesting #shifting #t.tarot #t.loa #manifestation #permashifting #reality shifting

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clownrecess · 1 year

Note

I was wondering, why don't you speak? Is it a conscious decision for your own comfort or is it that you physically can't? /g /nf

(tw for extremely brief trauma mention)

When I was a small child, I didn't have any speech delays. I developed oral speech at the same time as my peers and was able to adequately communicate using oral speech.

When I was 8, my ability to use oral speech was still existent, and for the most part easy, however when I became distressed oral speech was notably more tiring for me, and would result in me becoming more frustrated and upset. I don't believe this was noticeable to anybody else, but it is something I remember experiencing.

When I was 9 (which was a particularly traumatic time for me), I began loosing speech for short periods of time (like 30 minutes to two hours), and had made a bad quality communication board that I would use around my friends, and had an AAC app on my phone that I would use at home sometimes (albeit it was not taken seriously, and was seen primarily as something I was doing for fun). During these times I physically could not use oral speech, my brain felt like it was preventing me from accessing my oral speech.

At around 10 my difficulty using oral speech increased, and I would have no access to oral speech for time periods of around one day to a week.

When I was 11 I had my first long period of no oral speech, which was four months. During this time I originally began using a free AAC app on a really old android tablet that barely worked. Later on my school provided me with an I-Pad that had both LAMP Words For Life and Proloquo2go on it. I used both, but mostly LAMP because my speech therapist at the time thought it would be better for my personal motor skills.

After that four months I was able to use impaired oral speech at home, but not at school, this lasted for one or two months. During this time I got an android tablet with TalkTabletPRO on it.

After this I used oral speech full time with only very short two hours long nonspeaking periods during times I was really upset (for example when my fish died), for around a year (which was extremely exhausting, because I was forcing myself, which ended up making my mental health horrible and I was terribly burnt out). I was forcing myself to use oral speech at the time because me using AAC was accepted, but treated as less than, and I was scared people would be angry with me.

When I was 12 my oral speech was slowly beginning to decline again.

Later on (maybe mid 13?) I lost all oral speech for two days, and then eventually having oral speech that was really impaired. During this time I also only had acsess to oral speech at home, and not at school. Eventually resulting in a longer fully nonspeaking period.

This continued for a very long time, and my oral speech fluctuated a lot, ranging from short nonspeaking periods to longer ones.

Where I am at currently, I have acsess to zero oral speech (outside of occasionally mumbling hard to understand words when alone as a stim, or to my gecko. These words would not be able to be understood by other people.).

I currently use the same tablet that had TalkTabletPRO on it, except I now use Avaz instead of TalkTabletPRO. Avaz works much better for me, and allows me to use the voice I want to use.

It feels like there is a wall or block in my brain that stops me from acsessing the area of my brain that oral speech is located. I can try to use oral speech, but often times it just physically will not come out at all, or it will come out but is fully incoherent and I cant even understand it. Usually it just wont come out at all, though. It is not a purposeful thing I do for comfort, I physically can not speak.

I use a few different terms to describe my speech, but I usually say I am nonspeaking, primarily nonspeaking, or situationally nonspeaking. I do not feel that the term semispeaking is fitting for me, because I am not a speaking person who loses speech when under stress. I loose oral speech under stress, yes, but also loose it for no reason, and when I loose oral speech it is not usually for short periods. I loose speech for long periods of time and when I do use oral speech it is often impaired (usually just stuttering, but sometimes it is fully incoherent or doesnt match up with what I want to say.). I am also nonspeaking most of the time, which also makes me feel that semispeaking isnt the term for me. I feel most comfortable with being called nonspeaking or primarily nonspeaking, but situationally nonspeaking is also okay. I use AAC almost full time.

My experience is different than life long nonspeakers, because I am a nonspeaking person who lost consistent speech later in life. When I say I am nonspeaking online people tend to think I am a life long nonspeaker, and I want to make it clear I am not. Whilst it is important to listen to my experiences too, it is also important to listen to the experiences of life long nonspeakers.

#situationally nonspeaking #primarily nonspeaking #nonspeaking #actually autistic #aac user #nonspeaking autistic #minimally speaking #high support needs #disability #tw trauma mention #actually neurodiverse

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selfdestructivecat · 5 months

Text

I’ve seen quite a few posts in response to Thomas’ recent video, specifically his year in review. In this video, he discusses the setbacks he’s faced the past few years — such as the quarantine, Joan’s departure, and his own personal doubts and insecurities — and how they impacted the production of Sanders Sides.

And I truly sympathize with him. No, seriously! It’s already difficult to create something this big almost entirely on your own, but I’m sure this year only made things even more difficult. I know I’ve definitely felt insecure to the point of feeling sick when it came to things I created, so I can empathize with the enormous amount pressure he must be feeling.

However, many posts I’ve seen following this video are saying things along the lines of “If people still criticize Thomas after this video, then I’m going to lose it” or “Not that people who criticize Thomas even care, but Thomas really struggled this year. I’m with him all the way!”, or even “I bet SaSi critics will still demand the finale even after this. I doubt they’ll even watch the video!”

I want to clarify that this is obviously not everyone who doesn’t like ts criticism. People who block criticism blogs and/or the tag, who ignore criticism in general, or who feel upset when they see criticism of something they love: this is not about you. You are absolutely valid and entitled to feeling the way you do, and I hope you have a lovely day. Feel free to block me if that would be good for your mental health. Please take care of yourself. /gen

But to those vocally condemning ts critics, I want to make several things clear.

First of all, you are lumping everyone who criticizes the show in with people who demand the finale with no regard for Thomas’ well-being, for the well-being of his crew, and for basic common sense. While many people are upset that the finale isn’t out yet, we aren’t specifically mad that we don’t have a completed video to watch; rather, we are frustrated with what this says about the SaSi crew, their work ethic, and how they treat fans of the show.

We aren’t upset that we can’t watch the finale right now. We are upset that we’ve gotten very few updates about the show during this period between canon episodes. This video provided wonderful insight into why the finale has been delayed, and we would have loved something like this years ago. Obviously it didn’t have to be a 20 minute video, but maybe a Twitter thread? Something small that made us feel heard?

Hell, even announcing an official hiatus would have satisfied the vast majority of critics (myself included), instead of throwing SaSi into this limbo of “Oh it’s going to be finished this year, we promise- oh whoops, never mind! Next year for sure!” It’s been a constant chain of broken promises, and we were more than happy to give the crew some grace the first few times, but after a while, a repeated mistake becomes a pattern. And this pattern is not pretty.

We are upset that the crew seems incredibly disorganized (going back to the lack of updates, and of course taking into account how we haven’t gotten even a single part of the finale in five years), which could affect the quality of this series we all love so dearly. beauty-and-passion has spoken about this a lot (and is a lot more eloquent than me lmao, please go check out their stuff!) The most recent Christmas video seems to demonstrate that the series may be on the right track, and I will admit I was wrong in regards to this video, but the Inside Out video is a mess in so many ways. Even if this doesn’t prove a decline in quality, it certainly indicates a lack of consistency, which can be just as damning for a series.

We are upset that, while SaSi is in this limbo, Thomas seems to have been focusing on his other projects without telling us about this change in priority. He is welcome to pursue other projects, obviously. I’m thrilled that he is having fun with Roleslaying with Roman and My Roommate is Hades. But these new projects have come at the cost of Sanders Sides content, which also points towards a lack of organization. Some clarity towards which projects Thomas chooses to focus on would have been wonderful and greatly appreciated, so that we know not to expect something we won’t receive. And hey, maybe if we knew not to expect SaSi content until much later, maybe we wouldn’t have been constantly asking why we weren’t receiving SaSi content?

(And this is not an excuse for aggressively demanding content, obviously. But I feel like people who are confused and frustrated at not receiving something promised to them are justified in these feelings.)

And maybe we’re jumping to conclusions in many regards. I won’t pretend that we are prophets who can peer into Thomas’ mind and know what he’s thinking and feeling at all times. But it’s pretty damn difficult to say that NONE of the above could suggest that Sanders Sides isn’t held in the same regard as it once was. Hell, Thomas even admits in the video that he doesn’t feel as connected with these characters as he once did.

Second, many people attacking critics are also quick to drag their character. We are impatient, greedy, selfish, and cruel. We don’t care about Thomas; we only care about the end product! More Sanders Sides at any cost! We don’t like critical thinking, since we obviously didn’t watch the video; we only want to find mean things to say about Thomas and the show! We don’t like engaging in civil debate with our fellow Fanders who may disagree with our opinions; we only want to make other people feel bad, and to make others hate the show, too!

Well, guess what? You’re doing to us exactly what you think we’re doing to Thomas: you’re assuming the absolute worst of us and looking for any reason to drag us down.

We are critics. We analyze media (media that we love, mind you) and we acknowledge that it isn’t perfect, that the creators aren’t perfect, and we point it out. But we still love it anyway, because to truly love something is to love it with its flaws, to know that it could be better, to brainstorm how it could reach its true potential, and to keep doing so because you believe in this potential.

We aren’t trying to take away the joy you feel from Sanders Sides. So please don’t try to take away ours.

#ts criticism #ts critical #sanders sides criticism #my ramblings

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