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stxrvel · 3 months

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i don't wanna live forever (1)

summary: reader couldn't stop having deaths in her life ever since the Supersoldier serum came into her life. no matter how hard she tried to stay sane, it seemed that life didn't want to give her a break. until, one afternoon, she learned that one of her old friends was alive… (you guys know im bad at summaries, but please give this one a chance)

pairing: bucky barnes x f!reader

words: +4.5k

warnings: angst, major character deaths, canon deaths¿?, bad words, english is not my first language! thoughts of revenge and death, this is like an introductory chapter, so the buckyxreader interaction is low, but it'll get better, i promise!

note: holy fuck guys. i just spent like five hours writing and editing this and i fucking love it. its been a while since ive been this proud of a work, im actually scare the emotion will disappear, but i really want to rejoice in this one. i wanted to write something a little different from my usuals, maybe a little common in the fanfiction world, but i started and i simply could not stop (or maybe just approach this bucky fic from another perspective). so this is the first part and i'll try with all my heart to keep this going because it was fucking insane, at least for me. i really hope you all like this as much as i do! feel free to leave any comment! thanks always for all the support!! see you next time <3

part 2 ; part 3 ; part 4

When you went into the Supersoldier serum project with Steve, you thought you were going to change the world. Of course, at that time when technology was relatively new any invention felt like the beginning of a new era. That's how it was all sold to you and it was how you expected everything to turn out… Until you realized that it was all really a waste of effort and time.

They were just propaganda for war. Not to stop it, to promote it. To motivate it.

You tried, on several occasions, not to think too much about it. You tried to stay out of it as Steve sometimes asked you to, even though even he didn't want to, as Bucky asked you to when you lay on his shoulder to cry in the little time you had free between trips. It was a great burden of guilt and helplessness.

Until you and Steve, with the almost imposed help of Peggy and Howard, rescued Bucky from the evil hands of Johann Schmidt and his nefarious organization, HYDRA, that, unbeknownst to you, would haunt you for a long time to come. It was only after that, after spending several sleepless days on edge thinking about what might be happening to Bucky, that you and Steve were finally able to go out and contribute something. Destroy HYDRA and the Red Skull's plans.

Of course, you realized that not everything could go right when, the one mission you couldn't attend, Bucky didn't return. And then Steve didn't come back either.

“Do you think this will ever end?” you had asked Bucky the day before his last mission.

“Of course it will,” he had answered without hesitation, moonlight illuminating his clear eyes, squeezing your hand as if it was all he wanted to do for the rest of his life. “And after that we can begin to live as it should be.”

But there was no after that, because you never recovered from losing him. From losing them both.

“Are you okay?” Peggy approached, in the middle of the afternoon when the sun was streaming through the stained glass windows of the church, illuminating the spot where Steve's empty coffin had been, because they didn't even find his body. They didn't even think there was any of it left.

You barely moved your head to acknowledge her presence, moving the prayer slip they had recited throughout the mass between your hands. Your eyes were crystallized, in tears that no longer even made the effort to flow, because you had already spent too many days and nights crying. Peggy had been on the other side of the church, sitting next to Howard while the priest spoke, because you had refused to be near them in those moments. You didn't want to be near them.

“As well as one can be,” you slurred, finding that it had been a long time since you'd last used your voice for anything other than cursing and crying disconsolately.

The people had already left, probably an hour or more ago. The empty coffin had already been brought out, all the flower arrangements had been picked up, and the priest was preparing for the evening mass. You knew you had to leave, you knew Peggy and Howard were there waiting for you, but you felt stuck at that moment. You didn't want to leave, you didn't want to get ahead, you didn't want that life if it had to be this cruel.

You heard Peggy's sigh, before she took a seat next to you, a short distance away, averting her gaze to look at Christ on the cross.

You didn't know if you were selfish to be so closed off to your friends at this moments, because they must be grieving as much as you were, but you didn't know how to deal with the future possibilities. Bucky and Steve, great men and soldiers, one even with enhanced abilities, had not been able to make it through the punishment of war. What if Peggy and Howard were the same? What if they too had the cruel fate of dying at the hands of injustice? Could you deal with that? With everyone gone?

Maybe you could open up to them a little more because if not, who else? Turning away from them was not going to ensure their survival in this hate-filled society. Maybe you could protect them, like you couldn't protect Steve and Bucky. Maybe you could make a difference, because you had the chance to.

“You know,” Peggy spoke again, rearranging herself on the bench and crossing her legs, “Steve always knew this was how it would end.”

Her wistful, mournful, fragile voice sent a shiver through your body. Peggy didn't consider herself someone to show herself vulnerable in front of others no matter how close they were, even in those things that hurt her the most, in those things that affected her personally and made her eyes water instantly, she always tended to shut down. And at that moment you didn't dare interrupt her because you knew it would probably be the only time she would talk about Steve in a long time.

“Sometimes we'd talk, between tour trips, and he would tell me that wasn't what he wanted to do, even when he had to convince you otherwise,” her clasped hands would occasionally squeeze between words, blinking rapidly to fight back the tears. “He didn't know if he'd made the right decision.”

You could almost picture him, backstage at the foot of the stairs with that notebook he carried everywhere and wouldn't let go, Peggy at his side nostalgic, as helpless as the others. It reminded you of the times you'd had similar conversations with Bucky, desperate to find a purpose, a way through so much fog.

“The first time I saw him so sure of himself was when he asked us to help them look for Bucky,” she mumbled his name, as if trying not to scare you away by saying it too loudly. “Ever since then it seemed like he'd found that spark…”

“Until Bucky died,” you whispered, the words cutting through the cold and silence, Peggy shifting on the bench contritely.

“He lost something of himself from that day on, it wasn't hard to tell. The next time I heard him so sure after spending days lost, it was on that call from the plane.”

Peggy paused, raising her hand to cover her mouth as her voice faltered. You turned to look at her, wishing you could rip the pain from her soul and leave it in yours. She was trying to contain her emotions, breathing deeply, and in that moment you wondered what life might be like from now on, with the specter of grief following you around, waiting for the next time the dead knocked on your doors, unexpectedly, without allowing you to say goodbye.

“He had told me he wouldn't die in peace until he could get it all over with. And he took it all with him. And I hated him so much for it…” Peggy sobbed, her labored breathing standing out between words. She kept looking straight ahead at the stained glass windows, the expression on her face hard and scowling despite having tears rolling down her cheeks, as if she were trying to blame something for what had happened. Her reproachful eyes fixed on the Christ.

Her wails echoed through the walls of the church, the father on the dais sending them a look of sorrow. He had offered you water, thirty minutes after everyone at Steve's wake had left, when they kept walking, and you stood there.

Another empty casket.

“Ladies,” Howard's voice reached your ears amidst all the physical and emotional numbness. You could barely notice Peggy wiping under her eyes with the pocket square that was surely part of Howard's suit, as she took breaths to get up. “We should go now.”

You heard him walk, his slow, careful steps stopping just behind you. There, on his feet with his chest tight, he rested a hand on your shoulder and gave it a squeeze in support. He knew it was the most you would allow him at a time like this, deciding not to pass up the opportunity to let you know he was there. You sighed, feeling a heaviness take over your body as you stood up.

“Yeah, let's go.”

The next few months passed in a blur. Maybe too fast, maybe too slow, you weren't sure anymore.

Peggy continued to work at the Strategic Science Reserve for a couple of years, calling you from time to time to help her with some jobs. You kept a low profile, practically a fugitive from the state, while trying to live a halfway normal life in Europe. A lot of it thanks to Howard really.

Life had become a rather monotonous routine when you stopped getting so many calls from Peggy and Howard several years later. You knew they were fine, but not being able to return to the country filled you with anguish every day. And trying to lead a normal life became too complicated when you looked in the mirror and it seemed like not a single day had passed since you were in that capsule of Dr. Erskine's with Steve.

Until Peggy called one day asking you to come back. She told you that it was safe, that there would be no state officials waiting for you at the airport, but even if that had been the situation, you wouldn't have hesitated for a second to buy the first plane ticket and fly to see them again. To Howard and Peggy, to melt into an embrace, longing for the lost years.

You had thought that contributing to the fight in World War II had earned you a ticket to at least be recognized in the military, but all you gained was the government with their mad scientists looking for you to try to recreate the Supersoldier serum. Peggy didn't want to risk you and Howard gave you no choice by giving you a plane ticket to Finland with your bags packed.

You wasted many years not being by their side, unable to keep the promise you had made them in your head to be close by to protect them, to watch over their safety.

But when you left the airport there was only Peggy, and maybe that should've told you everything.

Her hair already looked gray, the effects of gravity and time present on her face. You hated to think that you shouldn't have looked any different from the way she saw you last time when she waved you off at that same airport. Her warm gaze was the same, raising her arms with held back tears to encircle you in a big hug. She tried hard not to sob against your shoulder, you felt the choppy movement of her breath against your chest.

She looked so different and the same at the same time.

You walked to her car a moment later, her trying to carry your suitcase and you telling her you were perfectly fine carrying it on your own. Amidst a smile, she walked into the driver's door and you frowned as you saw the empty passenger seat.

“Where's Howard?” you spoke as you sat down, after stowing the huge suitcase in the trunk of the car. The way you moved to buckle up, you didn't notice the way Peggy froze in place, her hands clenching the steering wheel so tightly that her breath hitched from the effort.

“We're going to see him,” was all she said, but she was very good at hiding that something was wrong. Only for a little while.

During the trip, even though you tried to ask things about them, about what they had been doing during this time, you didn't miss the way her shoulders were tense or her eyes very alert. Something bad had happened and Peggy was trying to hide it from you.

When she pulled up in front of a church, you already knew what had happened without her answering a single one of your questions.

Howard had died.

You two had sat next to Howard's son Tony, his spitting image, in complete silence as the prayers went on. At that moment you didn't know what had happened, hoping it had been a quiet and peaceful death, because you didn't know if you would be able to endure another violent death.

Peggy gave you all the details when the mass was over, after the coffin was taken away, and you hadn't felt such fury in so many years. Not since the deaths of Bucky and Steve had that adrenaline rush of anger returned to run through your body as violently as it did at that moment, when Peggy told you that he had been murdered along with his wife. All to steal some prototypes of Dr. Erskine's serum. The damned serums with which everything had started.

This time there was a body in the coffin, but there was also a culprit. Someone to point the finger at and take it out on for years of anguish and pain.

You were at Peggy's house, staying for a few days, when she told you that wasn't all.

Peggy had a suspicion that HYDRA hadn't disappeared when Steve crashed that plane into the ice. Her suspicions generated panic in you, because Bucky and Steve had died for that, now apparently Howard, only for it all to have been for nothing. The feeling of carnage that ran through your whole head made you nauseous, years of helplessness and pain pent up in such a small body had to find its way out somehow.

“It was a man, according to the information I've been able to gather,” Peggy spoke, taking a seat across from you in the dining room of her living room, after pouring you a glass of lemonade. “He didn't die from the crash. He had a concussion. He was hit in the head. His wife died from asphyxiation.”

“Does Tony know?”

“No,” Peggy shook her head quickly, one hand over her heart as if the mere thought caused her physical pain. “It didn't even occur to me to tell him something like that.”

“And he was looking for the serum,” you recalled, a bitter feeling planted in the back of your throat, the memories of the disastrous times during the war coming back into your head like a blinding flash.

“He took them. We don't know who he is or who he works for, but whoever they are, they must have been following us for a long time to know about them.”

“You mean years,” you arched an eyebrow, your fingers touching the cool exterior of the glass seeking some reassurance.

“Possibly. That project isn't recent,” Peggy nodded, drinking her lemonade with a grimace. You stared at the liquid almost finished from her glass, a wrinkle forming between your brows with each passing second and you kept wondering why.

“But what the fuck was going through that asshole's head?” you spat angrily. Rage at already the amount of lives that serum had taken with it and at Howard's recklessness. Rage at the reaper who seemed to be following in their footsteps for some reason, rage at that damn man and whoever his damn boss was.

“It was the only option, Y/N,” Peggy turned her gaze, meeting your eyes with a strange glint.

“What do you mean?” you were almost afraid to ask, your friend's gaze suddenly turning evasive. You watched her run her fingernails over the glass of the tumbler, lost for a moment in thought. The way her shoulders slumped forward in defeat caused a pressure in your chest that made it hard to breathe. Peggy shouldn't be going through these things at this point in life.

“Howard was working with the Pentagon, as a contractor or something. They had found you. Howard felt cornered and they made him sign an agreement.”

With your incredulous look on her face, Peggy didn't dare look back at you for a few seconds. So much had happened since you had left and it seemed that you had only been told about the things you weren't going to care about so much. But if you had known that you wouldn't have cared much about giving some of the state officials their comeuppance. You would've liked Howard to trust you enough to tell you, not live in as much fear behind his back as the last few years must've been. You didn't like the way Peggy's lips curved downward, as if she, too, would've preferred to make another decision had she known this was how it was going to end.

“Howard assured them that he could recreate the serum, and told them he would as long as they left you alone.”

“Fucking asshole…” you closed your eyes, scrubbing your face with your hands. The rough skin of your hands rubbed against the delicate skin of your face, years of combat and mistreatment foreseeing a harshness that reminded you every day of what you'd had to go through to get to that moment.

“I only found out about it after it happened. I didn't see it for like a whole week,” Peggy shook her head slightly, her eyes glistening in the pain of the memories. You shook your head hard, a more violent reaction than you could have anticipated.

“That stupid… stupid asshole! What the fuck made him think I couldn't defend myself?”

“He was trying to do the right thing,” Peggy finally searched your eyes, meeting the red rims that told her you were holding back too hard breaking in front of her, only using that pain mixed with rage to keep you sane.

“And look how that turned out!”

Peggy stretched her hand across the table, with a pleading look asking you to lower your voice, averting her gaze to the hallway. You followed her gaze, for a second forgetting where you were, forgetting that her family was with you behind the doors where you were plunged into darkness. It was past midnight.

You took a second to calm yourself, trying to drown out the uncontrolled emotions and taking deep breaths to calm your fluttering heart.

“And if what you theorize is true…” you regretted the moment those words left your mouth; you didn't even want to finish the sentence.

“Do you think it is?”

“I don't want to,” you shook your head instantly, closing your eyes, the thought sounding illogical inside your head. Your hands on your chest trying to contain the storm of feelings that was making chaos inside your head. “That would mean that everything we did, everything Bucky, Steve and Howard did and sacrificed, was in vain. It will all have been in vain.”

You spent several weeks with that thought in your head, working hand in hand with Peggy, and the organization you barely knew as SHIELD, to track down the whereabouts of the killer of Tony's parents and the one responsible because the Supersoldier's serums were, surely, in the wrong hands.

And yes, it was many years of fruitless missions and dead ends, with you running every field mission and Peggy calling the shots from the New York facility. Every time you felt close to discovering something, it seemed that the enemy rejoiced in your failures and still couldn't understand how they were always three steps ahead.

However, you had to leave the missions when Peggy became ill.

The silent, lethal Alzheimer's.

During the first months in the hospital, she still recognized you. She also recognized her husband and children. But after the first year, she frowned every time her children walked through the door. After a year and a half, her husband had to remind her that they had been married for about forty years.

After two years, she was still only remembering you, Howard, Steve and Bucky. Her whole life during her time in the army was all you talked about, sometimes you would tell her how much more time had passed than she remembered and always, without fail, she would ask you how much you had done in Europe for so long by yourself.

She cried every time she remembered Howard's death. She cried every time she remembered her children. Out of her mouth came a thousand apologies that no one would accept, because there was nothing anyone could do to prevent what had to happen. You wished she had been a serum test subject instead of you.

For several years, missions to find Tony's parents killer were sporadic because you spent more time around Peggy than at the SHIELD facility. She was the only thing you had left of everything you'd ever had, of when you held the world in your hands. She was the last thing keeping you tethered to that reality, keeping madness from flooding your reason. How could you have so many years ahead of you when that was all you had to live for? A life full of the dead, full of pain and suffering. What kind of karma were you paying for?

You were leaving the SHIELD facility, after another failed mission, when Nick Fury stopped you in front of the exit. You almost rolled your eyes right under his watchful gaze, tired of having to meet him anywhere, and exhausted from his comments about this vengeance project or whatever he wanted you to be a part of.

You still didn't know how, being such an exemplary agent, Coulson had fallen into his nets.

“Miss L/N,” the man stopped you with his words, his hands behind his back and a tense stance that caught your attention.

“Fury,” you nodded in his direction, hoping he'd be quick because you were running late for your weekly visit with Peggy. “Do you need anything?”

“I'd like you to come with me somewhere,” Fury approached tentatively, his one eye fixed on your wary expression, which shifted to boredom the moment you thought you knew what he wanted.

“If this is about that project, I've told you a thousand times-”

“No,” he interrupted you, moving forward and removing his hands from behind his back. “It's not related to that. I really want you to come with me.”

“You look agitated, but I need-”

“I'll take you to see Peggy myself after this.”

You didn't like that he knew your routine, even though you weren't doing enough to hide it from the other agents. But Fury looked nervous, even though he was hiding it very well, trying to keep his cool as he looked for ways to convince you.

You figured it wouldn't be a big deal for you to go off the deep end for once. After all, Peggy never remembered you were going to see her.

You set off in Fury's armored vans, not quite sure where you were going, but sure that it was urgent, because he had taken it upon himself to let his driver know that you had to get there as soon as possible.

You took that time on the trip to come up with a new strategy for the next mission because what you were doing up to that point wasn't working and you felt too close to throwing in the towel, figuratively speaking. You could spend years following a ghost, but you wouldn't give up on finding Howard and Maria's killer.

Before the car pulled up to one of SHIELD's secret sections, they passed the giant, imposing Stark Tower. You never saw Tony again after that time at his parents' funeral, not even during his visits to Peggy because you always made it a point not to cross him. You didn't think you'd be able to look him in the eye while you knew his parents had been killed without being able to tell him. You had promised Peggy in her lucid moments that you wouldn't tell him anything until you could find the culprit. You didn't want to initiate that pain if it had to be kept repressed, as yours once was, and probably still is. You had learned, some time after the funeral, that he was living with Edwin Jarvis, and you were glad to know that he would have good companionship to keep him company in such hard times.

Fury, a handful of agents and you entered the vans through the entrance to what appeared to be the parking lot of an old warehouse. Upon entering, the first thing you noticed was the number of armed agents that seemed to be guarding the place, not at all discreet to how SHIELD used to do things. You weren't sure if Peggy would authorize something like that, but you couldn't question the Director's decisions. It wasn't your place.

“What's going on here?” you frowned, watching as every meter there was another agent and another agent. You got out of the car without waiting for an answer from Fury, moving directly toward the entrance where most of the agents were concentrated. You barely noticed their looks in contradiction, running their eyes over you and then over the man trying to catch up to you, dubious as to whether or not they should move. “Move.”

“Wait,” Fury's voice stopped the command in the agents, who turned back to look at you as you sent Fury a confused look.

“What's all this mystery, Nicholas?” the man startled almost discreetly at your tone of voice, the agents stirring uncomfortably, but kept the serene expression that was getting on your nerves. “What the fuck did you do?”

“We got a call from the Arctic.”

“From the Arctic?”

You tried to ignore the way the hairs on your neck instantly stood up, your body alerting you to something your mind still couldn't comprehend. You felt like a deer face to face with a predator, expecting the worst.

“The Colonel informed us of something that might interest us,” Fury's cryptic voice echoed in your ears, drowning out the flicker of uncertainty vibrating from your head to your toes. “They found a plane.”

You didn't even answer him. Your heart began to pound wildly, cornered, ready to have your head bitten off. The tension in your shoulders intensified, with the involuntary movement of your hands as you broke into a cold sweat. The mere implication of his words caused an emptiness in your stomach, a sense of longing and fear you hadn't felt before.

You looked at Fury, trying to find in his gaze the gleam of a lie, but there was nothing there but assurance. There was nothing but recognition and understanding in his gaze, but that didn't make the emptiness in your stomach and the tight chest go away. It didn't make the feeling of being outside your body go away.

You barely remembered to move in the direction of the door, the agents instantly moving out of your way, pushing it so hard that one of them flew out. You moved your eyes around every corner of the room, the cream-colored walls generating a great repulsion in you. And there, in the midst of all the confusion and the storm, a confused and disgruntled face looked back at you. A face you never thought you would see again.

Steve Rogers was standing a few feet away from you, barely comprehending what was happening around him and instantly recognizing you. Your chest compressed once again, the tears you held back for so many years even in your loneliness making their own way into your eyes, endangering to end that mask you wore everywhere you went.

Steve was actually there, looking back at you with his eyes shining in recognition. You didn't know if he was as surprised as you were to react or you looked so bad that he didn't know if he should approach you or not. You just knew it was him, it really was him right there in front of you. He wasn't dead. Steve wasn't dead. He was alive. Ah, he was so alive.

The broken sob that suddenly left you was loud enough to make your friend shed his stupefaction and stride over to where you were. You barely managed to cover your face, between sobs, wails and disbelief, feeling your knees give out, surrendering to the weight of the pain, when his strong arms grabbed your shoulders before you hit the floor. Preventing your fall, as you had wished so many times before.

You cried against his shoulder, when feeling him against your body you knew there was no doubt it was true. You moved your hands away from your face, wrapping them around his waist as tightly and lovingly as you hadn't hugged anyone in so long. Surely the last time you hugged someone like that was when you saw Peggy on your way back from Europe.

Steve wasn't far behind, his arms around your shoulders just as tightly, his chin against the crown of your head, moving from side to side trying to hold back the loud sobs that shook your body.

You couldn't believe it, but it was true, he was right in front of you.

Steve was alive. He had come back to your side. You didn't even want to ask why.

And there was nothing else you could think about for the rest of your life.

#stxrvel talks #bucky barnes x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky fic #bucky x you #bucky fluff #bucky barnes angst #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky #james bucky buchanan barnes #winter soldier #the winter soldier #steve rogers

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a-aexotic · 1 year

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Hey! Idk if you write for her lol but could you do Johanna Mason x fem reader where reader is captured by the capitol instead of Johanna, and she just sort of flips out when they tell her

—cw: unedited, mentions of mental break, breaking things, screaming and freaking out, angst and crying —a/n: hey! i'm going to do some headcannons instead <3 i hope that's okay! i also added a few things :)

when she got on the hovercraft, she immediately looks for you

she asks finnick where you were and when she saw his expression, she immediately knew

knowing johanna, it didn’t take her much time to process this information

she started screaming at finnick about how he promised to protect you from any harm and he failed to that

it hurt finnick, seeing johanna blame him and flip out on him

but he knew she didn’t really mean it

she started throwing things and destroying everything in the hovercraft and finnick didn’t really know what to do

haymitch tried calming her down but they knew the only person who could ever possibly do that—was you

and you were captured

they had to give her something to help her calm down, but then she had started crying on the floor, processing completely how you were gone

she would rather you be dead because she knew how fucked up snow was and what he would do to you

her biggest regret was teaming up with you, so even if you were captured, she would be to

when you were captured, back at 13, johanna had lost her all appetite and her entire personality

she wasn’t sarcastic or fiery, or even just herself; she repeated the same thing over and over again

the one she finally flipped to her old determined self was when she had saw you on that TV with peeta

she freaked the fuck out, almost breaking the TV itself if it wasn’t for katniss and finnick holding her back

now the only mission she had was to get her true love back

the more you came on, the more like yourself you seemed, and that motivated her more than ever to get you back

at some point, you seemed like lifeless robot, just reading a script

when the mission to the capitol was pitched, she was the first to sign up

when she saw you the first time, all she could do was cry in your embrace as you stood there almost lifelessly

she didn’t know what horrible things they had done to you, but she was willing to know anything to help you heal

#thg #thg headcanons #thg fanfic #thg x reader #thg fandom #thg fanfiction #the hunger games #the hunger games x reader #the hunger games x you #the hunger games fanfiction #johanna thg #thg johanna #johanna mason #johanna mason thg #johanna mason x reader #johanna mason headcanonons

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h3llenwrites · 2 months

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Hi hi! Hope your having a nice day

How about our favorite radio host with a reader who owns a newspaper company in hell. They were a reporter when they were alive. They are investigating some of Vox's business and ends up running into Alastor?

Surprisingly I got enough motivation to write again so eat up

Alastor x Reader :

Platonic? Romantic? idk tbh. Just reader and Alastor working together to mess with Vox.

As someone who shares the latest news in hell, owning a newspaper company and all, you couldn't help but peep into the Vee's business. Something about them ultimately seemed unnerving, so naturally, every so often you would be prying at any information and bringing it back to your collection immediately. You often noticed Vox "convincing" his little crowd that gathers everytime he would step out of the comforts of his office, Running the other way when he starts to walk to your direction. Sometimes you would get caught writing your gathered info in the little journal you carry around with you, but you always put it away before Vox sees; Not like he could understand the handwriting anyway. (LISTEN HAVING TO WRITE DOWN A LOT OF INFO IN MERE SECONDS BEFORE HAVING TO BOOK IT FROM THE SOURCE IS GONNA GET YOU BAD HANDWRITING) When these occurences happen, you were lucky enough that he didn't think much of it, even though he noticed you a few steps behind the audience who were so glad to see him often.

You were collecting more information a few days after the last attempt where Big Ol' TV Man actually understood your handwriting and is now VERY wary of your presence. It didn't help that there were cameras everywhere either, you can barely avoid his watching gaze and it frustrated you that you hadn't been able to get anything from Vox or the other Vees since he probably warned them about your watching eye. Alastor was taking a stroll around hell heading to cannibal town, but ever so often pissing off Vox by destroying his cameras or glitching them and disconnecting the TVs that displayed on the stores. Luckily for you, the Radio Demon was headed your way and before Vox could check if you were peeping on him, Alastor had made his way in front of the camera and broke it. Vox cursed in his seat, choosing to get out either way so he can have a 'lovely talk' with the red deer. The commotion got more lively once Vox had stepped out. You smiled to yourself, getting your pen, paper, and camera ready. He did something quite unexpected today. Instead of standing there and giving off his usual speech, he quickly said some promotional shit and let off a light that would distract his crowd and he ran off, searching for the deer and cursing when Alastor was no where in sight. He was so distracted by getting revenge on his little enemy that he hadn't paid you any mind and dismissed the fact that he should've checked if you were present first. Naturally, you were overexcited. I mean you just got some worthy ass information about Vox, so naturally, you ran back to your work place as fast as you could. On the way there, you bumped into Alastor.. oh unfortunate soul. You were hurrying quite quickly, causing the both of you to fall on the dirty pavement below. You were processing what just happened, still a bit dizzy but you already picking up your items that you've dropped. You didn't think of the other person until you were done caring for yourself and suddenly you heard the sound of radio static. You gulped and hoped for the best, but of course, who else could it be? The moment you looked up, your eyes were met with Alastor's. Was he pissed? Please please.. "My apologies.. I uh-" You were quickly cut off by his cheery voice. "Nonsense, Darling! Say, Why are you in such a rush?" He noticed you earlier, seems you piqued his interest. "Um, Well I was just.. doing some research..?" He lifted his eyebrow, wide grin still present as always. "Hmm? Doing some research hiding behind a building?"

"Well I-" He picked up a paper you'd left, or rather used his abilities to make it appear in his hand. "Information on Vox Tech," He read the title on your paper aloud. "Oh! That's mine! haha.." You quickly grabbed it from his hands and stuffed it in your notebook. "It was.. lovely meeting you Mr. Uh.. Radio Demon..!" "Alastor." "Alastor! Right! ..I'd better get going." You quickly walked away, retreating to your place of comfort. He stared at you before continuing to make his way to Cannibal Town. A few days later, you still couldn't get Vox to come out, So you looked for something else to investigate on for a bit before returning. You were looking at some posters around hell when the 'Pointless Happy Hotel' or so was said, caught your attention. The Princess of Hell's beliefs for redemption was intriguing to you, so you grabbed a pen, a notebook and a camera, then headed to the hill where this hotel was located, having absolutely no idea the Radio Demon was there. After a few minutes of constantly avoiding violent sinners trying to behead anyone who passes by, Several explosions and Horny demons, You were at the front door. You cleaned yourself off and knocked. Charlie opened the door, a very bright smile on her face. "Hello! Welcomee~ To the Hazbin Hotel!~" She said in a sing-song voice. "Hi!-" You could barely speak before getting cut off by getting dragged into the lobby. "This is the lobby! That's the bar, the bartender over there is Husk. That's Niffty, she's our housekeeper! Oh! And that is.." The Princess ranted about the hotel, introducing you to the staff, patrons and giving you a tour. You kept trying to interrupt her, saying that you were only going to be staying for a few days maybe weeks for some research for your newspaper, You didn't get a chance to tell her until she reached Alastor's room to introduce you to him. "Actually, I'll only be staying for research to put on my newspaper.. Is that alright?" Charlie blinked before smiling again. "Oh! That's alright! Still glad for you to be staying here! Anyway, Let me introduce you to my.. Business partner I guess you could say?.." You tilted your head in confusion before she knocked and a shadow formed into the Radio Demon. You froze. "This is Alastor!" He turned his attention to you. "Ah, Yes. Pleasure to be meeting you, dear! Quite the pleasure. How is that research project on the Vees of yours going?" You nervously chuckled before answering him. "Quite alright, I suppose! Although.. I decided to investigate on something new since there had been no progress in the past week."

"I see! And what is this new project of yours about?"

"The hotel.."

"Hm! Well, I can certainly help with your research!"

"Research? Which one?"

"Why, both of course!"

"And why.. are you telling me this?" Alastor's grin grew wider. "Oh nothing, really. The topic of your little project just intrigued me is all!"

You accepted his help of course. The both of you work together to document the things you've gathered. He's honestly just helping out for fun. The relationship between the two of you grows (You can think of it as Platonic or Romantic, Idk I don't judge) and he sometimes has you with him, broadcasting the latest news, seated next to him while reading from your newspaper in his Radio Tower. He also often visits you while you're producing new info to feed the public. His favorite part of helping you gather info about the Vees is destroying Vox's cameras :)

A/N: This.. is sort of shorter than I intended it to be. I lost my ideas halfway through writing this because I thought of Alastor with a reader who has a bakery and he visits often or Alastor with wife reader who owns a bakery and she brings him baked goods. Should I write that?

#alastor #alastor x reader #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x reader #alastor x you

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doumadono · 7 months

Note

(Since I am a bitch 😈😈😈)

I have a request!

NSFW alphabet with our "beloved" Enji Todoroki!!!!!! 😏🔥

MASTERLIST

A - aftercare If you're just a casual fling or someone he met randomly at a bar, the chances of him sticking around are quite slim. However, if he's genuinely invested in the relationship, there will come a point where he reveals his caring side. Seeing you upset because of his initial emotional distance triggers a sense of guilt within him, and he eventually relents, saying, "Alright, let's cuddle."

B - body part He loves your ass, tempted to give it a playful pat or some appreciative glances, all while trying to not make the impression that he's a pervert

C - cum Enji usually pulls out and cums on your ass, or just jacks off to it but sometimes he'll grab your throat and push you on your knees to cum on your face. "Yeah, babe, take it, take it! See how fucking beautiful you look with my cum all over your face?"

D - dirty secret Endeavor's hidden desire is for you to pleasure yourself with toys while he watches, jacking off

E - experience He has a wealth of experience, and I mean a substantial amount of it. This guy truly knows what he's doing

F - favorite position His favourite position is doggy style, he feels so powerful and in control while you're on all fours, whimpering pathetically for him. He loves taking you from behind and pulling on your hair, making you scream his name. "You like it when I fuck you into submission like this? I bet you do, slut."

G - goofy He's extremely serious and doesn't welcome humor in the bedroom

H - hair Enji doesn't bother to shave but he's naturally well-tamed with body hair

I - intimacy The most intimate act for him is to press your foreheads together as he thrusts inside you at merciless pace

J - jack off In rare occasions, he might indulge in self-pleasure, but this only occurs when you haven't been together for a few weeks or so

K - kinks Breeding kink - he's definitely into feral/animalistic sex since he's so aggressive

Power play - that goes without saying

Master/slave play - Todoroki finds it very arousing when you're serving him sexually and he can order you around. "Suck my cock like a good little servant and you'll get to cum."

L - location Bed or shower - Endeavor strongly dislikes dealing with messes in locations where it's not convenient to clean up the filth easily

M - motivation Intentionally arousing him, only to appear disinterested afterward. He'll absolutely destroy you and abuse all of your holes afterward, but it's worth it. "You fucking tease, I should just pound you until your fucking cunt is sore."

N - no Anything that places him in a submissive position is something he's not particularly fond of - Endeavor's an aggressive top, and even trying to bottom would hurt his ego

O - oral He definitely prefers to receive it - he gives only if he feels like it

P - pace Fast and rough. That's it!

Q - quickie He’s down for quickies. Enji prefers proper sex, but he won’t say no to a nice quickie

R - risks He won’t take risks, ever. He wouldn't even consider anything that could potentially harm either of you. His past experiences have made him exceedingly cautious when it comes to taking risks of any kind

S - stamina He can go for a few rounds at the most, meaning you're having the most earth shattering orgasms of your life coming you way

T - toys He thinks you don’t need a vibrator when you have him, and he’s goddamn right!

U - unfair He likes to tease way too much, and he will do it at the worst possible moments. Sometimes you’ll be having dinner with some of the other heroes, and he’ll start to finger you under the table, just like that 🤷

V - volume Endeavor can get pretty loud, he doesn’t care about noise complaints. He does a lot of growling, groaning and dirty talk

W - wildcard He will come up with the most pathetic reasons to bend you over his knee and punish you

X - x-ray He's very thick, very long and very veiny. 8-9 inches when fully hard

Y - yearning His sex drive is undeniably high. He prefers to engage in sexual activity at least every other day. Occasionally, he can't contain himself and pins you against the nearest surface, having his way with you

Z - zzz It takes him a little while to fall asleep, so normally you’ll be the first to be asleep

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untitledmemes · 3 months

Text

Hazbin Hotel Prompts

Part IV An assortment of prompts taken from the series Hazbin Hotel on Amazon Prime. Adjust as necessary to fit pronoun and/or descriptor. In case of Multimuse, don't forget to specify which one/s. Reblog, please do not repost or add.

“ Where is miss fearless leader anyway? ”

“ Isn't it about time for another 'doomed to fail' plan? ”

“ Oh, you look an absolute mess. ”

“ I have enough on my mind without hearing your sadistic idea of a joke, asshole. ”

“ How can I face them after failing them all so hard? ”

“ I never expected to see such a miserable display of self loathing from you. ”

“ I don't know how you can enjoy all this suffering so much. ”

“ Just because you see a smile, don't think you know what's going on underneath. ”

“ I know something you don't know. ”

“ Then... Let's make a deal. ”

“ What's a favor between friends? ”

“ I didn't even know that was possible. ”

“ They say insane shit all the time. How was I supposed to know this one was true? ”

“ There's a friend of mine I think you should meet. ”

“ Oh, my, stars. Do my eyes deceive me? ”

“ I know you're an ace in the hole. ”

“ Oh, always such a charmer. ”

“ Wow. When you ask a favor, you don't start small, do you? ”

“ I like your moxie, girl. ”

“ We can talk about it inside or I can yell about it out here. ”

“ Clearly I am not the helpless one here. ”

“ Why wouldn't you use what you know to fight?. ”

“ It's not rocket science. ”

“ You fight like someone unafraid of harm, and this is what you'll take advantage of. ”

“ How has no one else figured this out? ”

“ You need a different type of motivation or there's no way that you can handle this. ”

“ We're going to need more weapons. ”

“ What do you do when someone you love lies to you about who they are? ”

“ Romance? My specialty. ”

“ It can be difficult to admit to things you're not proud of, especially if those things hurt the ones you love. ”

“ She's flawed. But, hey, who down here isn't? ”

“ Words are cheap. Actions, they speak the truth. ”

“ Have you ever wanted something that was so clear in your mind that you could taste it? ”

“ That's a little violent, can we tone it down? ”

“ I concur, stick with her, you'll be on the winning side. ”

“ I really hope that I'm ready for this. ”

“ I ain't finding no new drinking buddies. ”

“ Teamwork makes the dreamwork. ”

“ What in the hell are you supposed to be? ”

“ Look, I can't resist a fight, okay? ”

“ Here's to being alive today and not dying tomorrow. ”

“ I guess you have changed. ”

“ You are... Have always been a worthy opponent. ”

“ Destroy that ass! ”

“ Let the slaughter begin. ”

“ Trying to focus, sweetie. ”

“ I am so hard right now. ”

“ You should know better than anyone what a soul can accomplish when they take charge of their own fate. ”

“ I'm going to wipe that shit eating grin off your face. ”

“ This is better than sex! ”

“ Get somewhere safe. ”

“ You did good, buddy. ”

“ Look who thinks they're badass now. ”

“ You always were weak. ”

“ Ready to die rather than accepting mercy? No. Live. ”

“ Gotta say, you really let yourself go, buddy. ”

“ Don't forget, you're in my house, bitch! ”

“ How's mercy taste, you little bitch? ”

“ Take your little friends and go home! Please. ”

“ Come on, little lady, why the frown? ”

“ You can't quit now. Hell, you owe it. ”

“ Sorry to disappoint this is not where this ends. ”

“ Once I figure out how to unclip my wings, guess who will be pulling all the string. ”

“ Your deal is done, and I'm in charge now. ”

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aardvaark · 7 months

Text

only murders in the building s3e8 spoilers ahead!

this is the best photo i could get of the strips of paper that have been pieced together so far. all we can see is:

"02/16/2023

mmence on

sion, and

until and

(line gap)

society,

performing

composer

however,

right to

where it"

now that’s… fairly vague, lol. not too much to be gathered, except that it relates to the play itself - words like "performing" and "composer" seem to show that. in other words, it’s probably not the autopsy report or someone’s diary. the first unfinished word is probably "commence". this makes it sound formal. again, unlikely to be a diary or a letter to a close friend or something.

so what could it be? personally, my current standing theory is that it’s Maxine’s review. i have a few reasons for this:

we know that Maxine has written a review. yes, she was originally writing by hand and her pen ran out of ink, but she mentions in episode 2 that it was some of her best writing which sounds like she had finished it later, plus it’s her job to write these reviews, im sure she must have finished it. and so there exists a "vitriolic" absolute pan of the play somewhere. one that we’ve never seen and which Maxine didn’t show to Oliver. maybe we can’t see it because it’s been shredded.

the language, from the small bits we can see, would make sense for a review. first she states when the play "commences" for its opening night. then she reviews the various elements of the play, such as the "performing" and notes things like who the "composer" is and whether they did a good job. the word "however" makes me think that the writer is giving some sort of a negative opinion there. which, you know, is what the review is.

Maxine is a character we were introduced to in the second episode but really haven’t explored. i don’t necessarily think she is the murderer; in fact, i can’t even think of a motive she’d have. but, i think they introduced her for a reason.

a scathing review could absolutely generate anger or violence in someone. imagine you’ve put your heart and soul into your performance or crew role for months, only to get insulted and for the show to be an utter failure. it could mean the end of your career or the loss of a lot of money.

but even if it is Maxine’s review, and even if someone was upset by it, why would that lead to Ben’s death? i do have a theory for that. it might not be the correct one, but it’s my best shot at the moment:

Cliff and Donna (the mother and son producer people) have repeatedly expressed that this play is high stakes for them. it’s Cliff’s producing debut and they need it to be perfect. the problem is, the show was far from perfect - something that they may have already realised to an extent, but which that pan confirmed. plus, a terrible review by a famous reviewer would lose them money and reputation. if one or both of them got their hands on Maxine’s review, it makes sense that they’d destroy it and want to put an end to the show in a way that can’t be blamed on them. an accidental death on stage - with the autopsy report altered to day there wasn’t any poison, and we know it was altered cause it was negative for meth - would solve their problem, as well as draw them a lot of press attention (any publicity is good publicity), and finally, would prevent the review from ever being published because no one would publish a scathing review of a recently deceased young man’s performance. i can imagine that the producers would have access to and knowledge about the set and theatre, which would allow for the spooky ghost stuff that seemed like more than a coincidence in "Ghost Light". they’d also have access to Ben’s room to plant the poison cookies (because c’mon, he was clearly talking to a plate of cookies in the dressing room video).

additionally, Donna’s speech to Loretta in the bathroom makes me suspect her more. and Loretta’s song, while clearly more about sacrificing herself for her own son in that moment, could double as meaning that Donna would kill for Cliff’s sake to protect his reputation in the industry. and as Loretta says, poisoning as a murder method tends to point to a woman murderer - this is actually true according to data on homicides. Donna is a woman, she would do anything for her son, the review would ruin his reputation in her mind, she poisons Ben to end the play.

then there’s Ben’s apologies in episode 1. to Cliff… well, he forgets Cliff’s name for one thing, and then he basically just says he’s sorry for being so annoying to them and complaining about his dressing room. then he continues to complain about his dressing room before moving on.

while Donna may have done the first murder, i don’t think she did the second. perhaps it was Cliff, pissed at his non-apology and wishing the man was dead for real. perhaps it was someone else entirely (probably a man since they haven’t had a male murderer so far and have even pointed that out).

but again, this is still a very loose theory based solely on the possibility that that document is the review. what else do y’all think it could be? or what else could have happened if it is indeed the review?

#omitb spoilers #omitb #only murders in the building #omitb theories #omitb season 3 #omitb s3 #wren speaks

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plagueoffools · 6 months

Note

toxic mentally unstable nikolai with a fem reader that just has enough of him? angst to fluff? or maybe no fluff? your choice!!

"INSANITY IS THE MENTALITY! SO DENY SANITY TO UNEARTH THE RAW VITALITY."

(REQUESTED) TOXIC! NIKOLAI GOGOL/ GN! READER

BUNGOU STRAY DOGS

[ slight ANGST/ FLUFF ] 1.3k WORDS

⸺A/N // I figured since Nikolai is already quite literally unhinged I would just write what I depict of the normal Nikolai but with a twinge of toxicity. I'm not quite fond of my sloppy writing but motivation is kicking my ass. //

⸺TW // Google translated Ukrainian, correct me if there's any mistakes you spot. //

⸺INFO // Reader is implied as FEM regarding request but never stated. //

You're not sure how it had come to this, you're not sure how you had expected it to not come to this.

Either way, you want it all to end. All the worrisome days where he does not answer nor visit you and when he does he's quick to brush off your questions regarding his abrupt disappearance. It's an endless cycle that you've found yourself caged in, no matter which key you prod the key lock with, it'll never open for you to leave.

You've realized for the past few days that you're a sitting duck in a cage, willingly waiting for a man who will not wait for you.

You're not sure how it all even started, you recall blurry memories that you used to reminisce with so much vibrance and brightness; have now dulled. You're able to reminisce back when it was all much simpler, where he bombarded you with teasing remarks and when you humoured him. Humoured him, all because you'd thought to stimulate his need for an audience.

However, you're no longer amongst the audience. You're now propped and dressed for a role you've never wanted to be casted for.

He had to admit it to, he never thought his jocular advances would go anywhere-

- but the seed he has planted; like a flower, flourishes quickly. Standing tall and vibrant. All he wants to do however is to so desperately starve it of its sun, thirst it of its water. He attempts to bring himself to cut it down, his heart prevails, rebels against him.

Won over by his ever so fleeting but dreadful emotions nonetheless, he flees cowardly. Confrontation was never his thing anyways, he'd rather just run until the sun sets and he's no longer plagued with the heat of it all. He figures that if he cannot bring himself to destroy what leashes him to the ground he will run until the leash merely snaps. But who knew the same leash he was running from would lead him straight back to you.

After a heavy day with a heavy heart, you return back to croak your problems to your pillow. Burying your face so deep you've wished that was all it took for it to asphyxiate you but you tweaked the position of your head to allow yourself to breathe properly .

You feel cowardly, sulking about a clownish man that made you feel like the clown. Retreating back to the warmth of your bed hoping it would dissipate your thoughts; turning and turning you search for a position to get comfortable in. Your slumber is prolonged due to your restless behaviour, your body aching and seeking for the warmth of the man that not even your bed can replicate.

You groan before pulling the blanket over your head. 'This is something future me can worry about .' you sigh out before shutting your eyes and hoping to find peace by listening to the rhythmic thump of your heart instead of the blaring silence your room offers.

⸻click!

Your eyes groggily shoot open at the sound, your breathing stills as you register the sound . You lay still for a second, figuring if you should continue your slumber or investigate the sound. Your body only runs cold when you notice the breezy wind ghosting over your skin. You're absolutely one hundred percent sure that you did not leave your window open . You hastily shut your eyes as you focus on picking up a sound but when you do you restrain yourself from not letting out a blood curling scream when you hear soft thuds of footsteps growing in proximity towards you.

You're frozen, you internally cry for your body to move, scream for it to do anything, to get away. Your breath subconsciously picks up when you feel the weight of your bed dip just right beside you.

A hand fit with a tight glove presumably leather from what you can feel off of the texture. It gracefully dances across your face, sliding across your skin as If they're testing their boundaries. You start to internally scream when the perturbator leans close, you're aware because you can feel the heat off of their skin right agaisnt you.

-and it is one you undeniably recognize, the heat your body soughts out for.

You hear an amused chuckle before slowly translating to a full heinous laugh,

"You're so cute when you pretend to be asleep."

Your breath hitches, it's him. You're about to jump from your rigid position and tackle him after not hearing from him for so long but your conflicted emotions stops you, restrains you. You're still upset and justifiably angry at his disappearance, you only huff before turning your back to him.

He dramatically gasps, him and his theatrics. "My dove has forsaken me! " - ironic. "My, what will I ever do to regain my doves affection?".

You roll your eyes, "Isn't that what you're trying to abolish? Why run back to something you wish to rid from your life fool." you hissed back at him.

He diverts the topic at hand to something else, hoping to distract himself from facing another dilemma. Just this once, I'll embrace the cage you've trapped me in.

Chirping out he leans closer to you, "Kolya wants a hug, don't you think he deserves one?" he only further whines when you push him away. Pouting childishly as if you've just denied a child ice cream.

Grabbing you at your wrist, halting your pushy motions as he sets it aside and clumsily maneuvers to your side. With a soft thump he lays beside you facing you with an annoyingly mirthful smile, with those stupid big doe eyes he tries to reel you in with.

"I've missed you dovey, do you miss me?" he flicks your nose when you take too long to respond. Groaning you send a short lived glare before muttering out a 'no' and returning to the comfort of darkness behind your eyelids.

"Are ya sure?" you hear him whisper amusingly right next to your ear, he was close, so close to the point you could feel the vibration of every syllable he uttered.

That's just him you suppose, pushing people's limits to see how far he can venture. Your train of thought is halted when a thin sheet of an object falls on top of your arm that was resting outside the safety of your blanket, confused you opened your eye.

The first you noticed was that Nikolai was no longer present, not in your sight atleast. For a man who was so daringly close to you just a few moments ago, he sure knows how to be as far as possible as well. The second were the sharp edges of hundreds of Polaroid photos that are piling at the center of your bed, some you've noticed have already fallen off of your blanket to the floor.

Your hand curiously reaches out and takes a closer look at one polaroid you managed to pick out, your breath hitches as you recognize the figure of the person in the picture. It's you. Snuggling cozily in your bed just the day before this. You'd know because you wore a new set of pajamas that had just arrived on your doorstep just the day before. Your eyes wander more and you noticed a scribbled out date at the back with a number, #689. Six hundred eighty-nine? You gape at the number.

Your hands scramble and you sweep up a couple of polaroid photos in your hand, #520, #638, #459, #381.

Each and every one includes you both outside and inside of the comfort of your house, each and every polaroid coming with their own personalized doodles and notes scribbled from front to back. Hearts being doodled on your sleeping figure, messy scribbled of notes in cursive and some you recognize in his native language, Ukrainian. Scribbled either outside of the border of the picture or behind the polaroid. Never across, you figured he didn't wanna block the actual picture with his writings.

Your hand curiously ventures out to take one more, it's a common occurrence of most of the mass amounts of polaroid photos to include you doing mundane tasks such as this ; watering the flowers you keep near your living room balcony. You flip to look at the back, it seems this one is one of the older ones ; you noted.

22/7/2006

#143

"𝙄𝙛 𝙞𝙩 𝙞𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙘𝙪𝙩 𝙛𝙡𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙜𝙧𝙤𝙬 𝙣𝙚𝙬 𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙨, 𝙄'𝙡𝙡 𝙨𝙝𝙧𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙛𝙪𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙬𝙝𝙤𝙢 𝙄 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙨𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙜𝙧𝙤𝙬 𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙮𝙤𝙪."

"мій голуб полетить, і якщо його зупинять, я пожертвую власними крилами."

#nikolai gogol x reader #nikolai gogol #bsd nikolai gogol #bsd nikolai gogol x reader #bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs x reader #bsd #bsd x reader

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brucebocchi · 4 months

Text

Ranking every new anime I watched in 2023, Pt. 4: #5-1

hey, i just started a ko-fi for my writing and possible other creative outlets. this post will also be available there, so please check it out and consider tipping/donating as i'm currently between jobs. the tumblr version of part 1 can be found here, part 2 here, and part 3 here.

The list is complete! This took a lot of work but I'm over the moon to get this out there. Please consider leaving a tip if you've enjoyed reading.

Here goes, my top five anime of 2023:

5. Zom 100: Bucket List of the Dead

Zom 100’s debut hit like a freight train, especially coming from a brand new studio. It had everything: Visceral satire of Japanese work culture, incredible animation, vibrant colors in unexpected places, clever cinematography, wish fulfillment for everyone who’s ever wanted to Stone Cold their boss, and most importantly: Zombie titties.

The premise is magnetic: When your job makes you feel like a zombie, an actual zombie apocalypse means certain freedom from the grind. Akira Tendo realizes that he can finally use the vacation time he amassed while being exploited and overworked at a legally dodgy black company, so he writes a bucket list of everything he’s ever wanted to do, with all intention of checking off every single line item before succumbing to a zombie bite. He manages to rescue his hunky fuckboy bestie from college, and they embark on a road trip across Japan to finish out the list, along with a beautiful, risk-averse tsundere and a big-tiddy German weeb.

It's a perfectly fine elevator pitch, and a welcome break from the guns-and-grit quagmire the zombie genre has been stuck in for the past two decades, but what makes any good zombie-flecked media resonate is the human element, which Zom 100 delivers expertly. You’re quickly given reason to care for all the characters, their motivations are clear and relatable, and you want to see them survive and live out their dreams. But more importantly, you just want to hang out with them through their hijinks. It even delves into more serious matters, like what we owe our parents as adults, the ways isolation and bitterness can drive people to act out in their worst moments, and even the factors that push abuse victims to stay with and even return to their abusers.

Above all, though, it’s a powerful (if extreme) story of finding joy in the direst circumstances. Akira, Kencho, and Shizuka are all kindhearted, well-meaning people whose situations kept them from what they truly wanted to do with their lives, and there’s something kinda beautiful to be found in them finding a new opportunity during the possible end of the world (Beatrix is a sweetie too, but aside from the whole zombie thing, she’s already exactly where she wants to be). The final arc of the season, in particular, looks you dead in the eye and asks you: If you were suddenly faced with the ultimate freedom, would you use the opportunity to better yourself, improve the lives of others, or do whatever the fuck you want at everyone else’s expense? You may not like the answer at first if you’re honest with yourself, and that’s okay. The world isn’t over, and there’s still time for you to be your best self.

Zom 100, unfortunately, fell prey to a cruel irony in the form of production issues. Bug Films is a new studio made up of a former team from OLM that was responsible for similarly gorgeous projects such as Komi Can’t Communicate and Summer Time Rendering. They clearly saw so much of themselves in Akira's workplace exploitation that they had to swing for the fences here. The firm he works for is named “ZLM” in this adaptation, for fuck’s sake, and he fully destroys his zombie boss in the first episode. But new studio or old, the anime industry is a grind, and Bug had trouble keeping up; animation quality did take a bit of a dip after the stunning first episode, and episodes were frequently delayed as the summer broadcast season wore on and ended without the entire seasonal run making airwaves. Hell, it was impossible to watch the final three episodes until just a few days before I could write this sentence.

For what Bug were able to pull off, though, Zom 100 is outstanding. The paintball-colored blood splatters everywhere are an instantly-iconic look that strike the balance between horror and spectacle. Everything and everyone looks gorgeously faithful to Kotaro Takata’s art, and delivers an appropriately cinematic look that the manga always deserved. I almost don’t know what else to tell you but that this show is a fucking blast.

There’s also a zombie shark. What more could you want?

4. Oshi no Ko

I spent a good chunk of 2023 just assuming Oshi no Ko was going to be a layup for anime of the year. Shortly after moving on from Kaguya-sama, I rushed to binge Aka Akasaka's subsequent manga in time for the anime's feature-length debut. I was taken in by OnK's bonkers premise and sudden dark turn and quickly fell in love with the characters, and my anticipation only grew. I had high expectations for the screen adaptation, but nothing could have prepared me for just how lovingly it all came together. This is as close to a perfect adaptation as you can find, and the same can be said about both the preceding and following entries on this list.

Oshi no Ko is an audiovisual feast. Doga Kobo cleaned up Mengo Yokoyari’s character designs just a smidge, but put just the right flourishes on them to make every single cast member instantly iconic. One look at Kana Arima’s eyes will tell you everything you need to know about the level of care put into the visual design of this anime. The performances are on point as well; though many of the main cast members are relative newcomers to the world of seiyuu, you can tell they truly came to understand the characters before they even recorded one line. I’ve already gushed about Rie Takahashi in earlier entries, but her turn as Ai Hoshino is easily one of the best voice performances all year. Takahashi makes a meal out of every single second Ai spends on screen and gives you every reason to care about her as a character.

Showbiz manga in general is obviously missing an audio element, and when an adaptation can expand on that aspect well, it can help turn even middling source material into something transcendent (see also: Rock!, Bocchi the). Music is central to Oshi no Ko, and the OP/ED combination is already iconic; YOASOBI’s “Idol” has had the best worldwide chart performance of any Japanese song ever, and the prolonged intro to Queen Bee’s “Mephisto” became a meme in Japan in the same vein as JJBA’s iconic use of “Roundabout.” Rather than taking manga characters’ word for it that someone is a terrible actor, we actually get to cringe along to an amateur actor’s hammy emoting. We get to see and hear what turned a fictional idol group into a national phenomenon rather than just see cute girls posing on the page. All of this is to say that while Oshi no Ko is an excellent manga, it needed a screen adaptation, and especially one of this quality.

Oshi no Ko deserves every shred of its success. I've never seen an anime make a splash this enormous with just its debut episode, even if it’s kind of cheating to say so because the first episode is almost literally a movie, and if I were to give an award for the best single episode of anime this year, it would be that one, hands down. Adapting the entire first volume into a feature-length debut was the correct move (mostly because it’s a tonal rollercoaster, and the Big Event that defines the entire story wouldn’t have happened until the fourth episode otherwise), and the investment paid dividends. The hype naturally died down a bit as the season wore on and settled into a more consistent tone and rhythm, but it remains an essential anime to 2023.

You may have noticed that I have said very little of what this show is actually about, and that’s by design: If you still don’t know the plot of Oshi no Ko’s first episode by now, I refuse to tell you: you need to go in blind. All I will say is that it is an idol anime that glorifies nothing. If you've read this far and still trust what I have to say about anime, I beg you to just take my word for it. It's an incredibly rewarding experience.

3. Scott Pilgrim Takes Off

There's just something so wonderful about taking in an adaptation of a work you’re already familiar with and knowing, almost instantaneously, that every single person working on it genuinely loved the source material and relished the opportunity to bring it to life. Nearly every single member of the original cast is in the dub (including the ones who went on to be MCU mainstays), Edgar Wright is back on as executive producer, Anamanaguchi reprise their soundtracking duties from the video game, and even Bryan Lee O’Malley himself helped co-write everything.

That last detail is probably the most important thing about this entire production: It’s not exactly a secret that the original Scott Pilgrim comics are very imperfect portrayals of a very imperfect young man. I knew reading them at the time that the comic did not have a great grasp on relationships and the dynamics between men and women, and that was at a time in my life when I myself was pretty terrible with and to women. O'Malley has said that he would only revisit Scott Pilgrim if it was “the right thing” and that he was leery of a straight retelling of a work he has since outgrown.

So instead, we have the Rebuild of Scott Pilgrim, to put it simply. Takes Off is a completely new story that reexamines the Scott Pilgrim comics, movie, and even game without undermining what came before it. This series is not a repudiation of Scott Pilgrim (the character or the franchise)’s flaws, nor is it purely fanservice; it splits the difference perfectly. It’s both more mature and completely self-indulgent. This show so easily could’ve marched to the familiar discourse drumbeat of “Scott isn’t the hero here” or “he’s actually not a good dude,” but it instead focuses on what should always be the second half of that sentence: “But Ramona still sees something in him.”

Yes, Ramona Flowers is effectively the protagonist of a new work that doesn’t even have her name on it, and it tackles some surprisingly necessary questions: What was her responsibility in creating seven evil exes in the first place? What made them evil? Are they even that evil? This series opens up entire worlds of possibilities within the extended cast and gleefully dives into them. Though Takes Off may not flesh out every single character, it does take its time with several of the ones who really did need a little more meat on their narrative bones, and even gives some characters new roles just because it would be fun to see them in new situations.

I still cannot believe they got Science Saru to make this show. “They made a Scott Pilgrim anime” and “They brought back the movie cast” are already good enough fodder for that Vince McMahon meme, but “It’s produced by the motherfuckers who made Devilman Crybaby” had me falling out of my chair. The animation maintains O'Malley's chunky, cartoony character designs and works wonders with line weights and simulated camera effects to give everything a tactile, weighty feel, like it’s somehow (and very appropriately) splitting the difference between a comic, a film, and even a video game. There’s a wide array of visual effects that helps to place all of Scott Pilgrim’s influences further on its sleeve: Dynamic action scenes, camera depth and chromatic aberration, and our beloved pixel art inserts. It looks like every Scott Pilgrim, everywhere, all at once.

The live action film’s cast did a (mostly) great job reprising their roles for animation, and there are some wildly unexpected cameos in there. Voice acting is not quite the same as stage or film acting, but everyone pulls their weight, and dialogue feels far more naturalistic than your average anime dub. Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Ellen Wong and, surprisingly, Chris Evans are outstanding in their respective roles. I’m gonna have to watch this again in Japanese, though. Fairouz Ai as Ramona, Aoi Koga as Knives, and Yuichi Nakamura as Lucas Lee? Sign me the fuck up.

This is not an apology or revision of Scott Pilgrim the character or work, it is a celebration that still acknowledges and improves on the flaws. If you’re a Scott Pilgrim fan who’d been clamoring for a proper cartoon adaptation, Takes Off may not exactly be what you’ve wanted, but it may be what you needed. Chances are pretty good that you’ve grown since the first time since you read, watched, or even played something with Scott Pilgrim’s name on it, and it’s a blessing to say that while the character may not have grown, Scott Pilgrim the franchise finally has.

2. Jujutsu Kaisen, season 2

I’m so glad I picked up JJK this year, if only because I would’ve otherwise been caught in a mudslide of memes I didn’t understand.

Season 2 follows in lockstep with the manga from where season 1 left off, beginning in extended flashback with the Hidden Inventory/Premature Death arc, covering Satoru Gojo and Suguru Geto’s high school life and the events that would eventually create the rift between them that came to shape Jujutsu Kaisen’s story. We see very different versions of Gojo and Geto here, much younger and more naive, but only marginally less powerful as they’re sent on an escort mission with the future of the jujutsu world in the balance. Because this is Jujutsu Kaisen, and because Jujutsu Kaisen is for masochists, nothing happens as planned.

We unfortunately do not get the precious slice-of-life hijinks the OP suggests, but if you watched season 1, you should know better by now than to trust an OP. While the initial arc does have its quieter and goofier moments (and some delicious homoerotic subtext), it wastes little time in declaring that this is a new version of the Jujutsu Kaisen anime: Lines are thinner, character models are looser, and action is buckwild. Two of the best fakeouts in the series happen in the span of five minutes. Those unfamiliar with the source material may have wondered for a bit why there needed to be a five-episode prequel arc to start the season, but the pieces would soon fall into place.

And then came Shibuya.

The Shibuya Incident arc was what made Jujutsu Kaisen a must-read in every new issue of Shonen Jump. It reset the status quo for the story and shaped it into something far beyond another “teenagers with special powers go to a school for teenagers with special powers” battle shonen. Needless to say, the hype for its anime adaptation was astronomical.

The Shibuya arc sets the stakes early: Nobody is safe and there may be no happy ending. Triumph is short-lived, and every threat is existential. Everyone who has been in the series up to this point plays a role, and you’re not going to like a lot of what’s needed of them. This arc punches you in the gut, repeatedly, and in between each blow is some of the most intense and innovative action you’ve ever seen. It will hurt, and you will beg for more.

I liked this arc a good amount in the manga, but by the end I was ready for it to be over. I didn’t get the hype around Toji, thought the deaths were cheap, and was so. FUCKING. sick of Mahito. Seeing it in fluid motion onscreen, though, everything just clicked for me and I couldn’t get enough. I fully get now why the girlies have been wetting themselves over Toji; the character modelers were HORNY horny this season. I see now how even the most unceremonious deaths fit into the narrative, or at least one will make perfect sense to me once Gege Akutami and I have a little chat :). And holy hell do I understand now that Mahito is one of the best shonen villains in the history of the medium, that sick bastard. Season 2 was my Rosetta stone for Jujutsu Kaisen; I see it all now. My sixth eye has been opened. Throughout heaven and earth, I alone am the literate one.

JJK’s second season has a markedly different feel from the first from a presentation standpoint, and I feel it’s for the better. Every aspect of the presentation is on point, and I want to call attention to the audio element: The production music, with a heavy focus on jazz piano, is wonderfully unique for the genre, and the voice acting remains top notch. These are banner performances from the likes of Yuichi Nakamura, Kenjiro Tsuda, Takahiro Sakurai, Asami Seto, and Nobunaga Shimazaki, but the performance that defines the Shibuya arc (and by extension the entire season) is Junya Enoki as Yuji Itadori.

Enoki’s been great this year in lead roles in goofy works like KamiKatsu and Girlfriend Girlfriend (not to mention minor roles in Skip and Loafer and the vending machine isekai), so it’s no surprise that he continues to crush it as JJK’s protagonist; Yuji Itadori is a goofy dude. But the Shibuya arc, for as much ground and as many characters as it covers, is ultimately Yuji’s story as he is forced, time and again, to endure the cycle of the “suffering builds character” meme. His peers and mentors in the first season told him repeatedly that the life of a jujutsu sorcerer is a short and unhappy one, and he now has to shoulder that burden for everyone. Enoki nails every single part of a wide spectrum of emotions Yuji is forced to endure over the course of the Shibuya arc, be it determination, naive confusion, or just pure unbridled trauma. If this isn’t the best voice performance of the year, it’s top five at worst.

Like every major battle shonen release in the age of social media, this season has had its detractors. Reviewers at Anime News Network kinda hated the story, but that’s something you take up with Gege Akutami (and get in line behind the manga readers). I've seen people complain about the animation. Which, like. If you don’t like the new visual style, sure, fine, that’s up to personal taste. But if you think this season isn’t well-animated, you just plain don’t know ball. It may not have a cohesive look, but that was the draw for me: Season 1 was good, but at times I felt like it looked a little too rigid, a little too shiny, a little too samey. Season 2, especially the Shibuya arc, looks like everything. Sometimes it looks like an action film, sometimes it looks like Mob Psycho 100, and at points it looks, most crucially, like Akutami’s most iconic panels brought to life, stroke for stroke.

The varying styles weren’t an accident: Nearly each episode had its own director, and those resumes cover top-tier animations like Mob Psycho, Devilman Crybaby, Kill la Kill, Heavenly Delusion, Oshi no Ko, FLCL, even Akira and goddamn Golden Boy. While the episodes don’t look entirely consistent from one to the next, the variance is less jarring and more “holy fuck, what am I going to see next?”. The looser style of animation is what Jujutsu Kaisen always needed; Akutami’s art is very loose and dynamic, and his action panels are borderline inscrutable at times. Season 2 nails the feel of JJK to a degree that its adaptation always needed and lets its directors, storyboarders, and animators run wild. At times, characters will look like they leapt right off the page; others, they will look like something you have never seen before in your life.

It is unfortunately impossible to talk about this season without also bringing up MAPPA’s working conditions, and how animators were frequently overworked against nigh-impossible deadlines. It was an open secret last year as Chainsaw Man aired that MAPPA’s animation schedule was a meat grinder, but that came bubbling to the surface quickly as JJK’s second season aired. Word got out midseason that MAPPA had its animators sign NDAs about their work conditions, but complaints still broke containment and several staffers took to social media to apologize for their work looking incomplete, and some even publicly announced that they are leaving the studio. It is stunning that the finished product looks the way it does under such conditions, and I respect the animators for putting in such incredible work, but something has to give. Several major series suffered from major delays this year, some of which I gave significant praise, but MAPPA is lucky that all of JJK came out on time. I wish I knew what could push them to treat their workers with the dignity and respect (and pay) they deserve, but that’s a conversation that covers much wider ground than just anime.

MAPPA has already announced that the series will continue through the next major arc. While there is quite a bit of it that I would love to see on screen, I can only hope that the animators get to rest. For now, though, we can be proud of what they made under duress, even if some will forever wonder what it would look like if the staff were treated like something a notch above cattle.

1. Frieren: Beyond Journey's End

Fucking hell. This is why I watch anime.

I was curious about this one because a couple major anitubers I watch had reviewed the manga and were effusive in their praise. I knew the anime adaptation was on the way, so I decided to hold off on reading and see what the anime would be like, and with Keiichiro Saito (director of Bocchi the Rock! and key animator for Oshi no Ko’s instantly-iconic OP) at the helm, my excitement was piqued. That guy turned a B-minus 4-koma into an innovative hit comedy, so what can he do with a beloved source material and the backing of a legacy studio like Madhouse?

I've had so much to say about Frieren since the premiere, and I still have so much to say now, but to talk about what I love about this show is to talk about everything about this show. When the first four episodes dropped, I described it as “Mushoku Tensei without the baggage,” and I stand by that. There were multiple points throughout Frieren’s first cour where I'd nearly forgotten that I wasn't watching Mushoku Tensei. Every single element is on point: The animation is fluid and expressive, backdrops are consistently gorgeous, voice performances are quickly memorable, and the music is evocative and instantly iconic. This is, plainly, one of the most beautiful pieces of television I have ever seen on nearly every level, be it visually, sonically, or thematically.

The initial four-episode debut was a masterclass in establishing the setting, building emotional investment into the characters, and slowly but deliberately laying out the premise of the season to come. The titular Frieren is an elf mage who, for a very brief decade of her millennium-long life, lent her skills to an adventuring party to slay the Demon King. Though she helped save the world, she was never one for stuff like adulation or socializing, so she breaks away from the group to continue her hobby of collecting various spells and arcana. She regroups with them after 50 years, having kept in contact with none of them, only to find them older and frailer. The party’s leader, the hero Himmel, passes away shortly thereafter, and Frieren breaks down at his funeral, having realized exactly too late how important he was to her and that she’d never really bothered to get to know him as a person.

Some time later, she’s called by the surviving human member of the party, Heiter, under the guise of translating an old text, but soon realizes that he duped her into helping train the young orphan girl he adopted, Fern, as a mage. Upon Heiter’s death, Frieren and Fern head out together, carrying out odd jobs and retracing Frieren’s steps from the journey that changed her more than she realized. They soon learn from the other surviving member of the party, Eisen, that (ooh) heaven is, in fact, a place on earth, and that Frieren may be able to properly pay Himmel his final respects in person. In order to do so, they must make a trip to the north, past the Demon King’s castle. The story of Beyond Journey’s End is, quite literally, a nostalgia trip.

Frieren's story is one of grief and regret, but also how we can use those emotions as a way of moving forward rather than looking backward. Her history is a long one and her memories seemingly everlasting, but she uses them to pave the road ahead of her rather than let them shackle her to the past. This is best exemplified by Fern herself, as well as the other companion they pick up the way in Eisen’s former trainee, Stark. Frieren can carry on the legacies of Heiter and Eisen by helping their young wards grow into the capable young adults they’re meant to be, while Himmel’s legacy lives on in the memories of the towns and villages he helped save along Frieren’s new path, and most importantly, in Frieren herself.

The degree to which Himmel truly mattered to Frieren becomes more apparent to her as the story goes on, and it becomes more evident in her actions. Himmel was a gentle, selfless (if self-aggrandizing) man who was every last bit the hero the modern world believes him to be. With every statue of him she cleans, every flower she plants in his name, every core memory that returns to her, we are watching Frieren become more and more like him in real time. You would expect a thousand-year-old woman to be pretty set in her ways, but we see her holding off on old, bad behaviors because of how Himmel would react to them back then. As Fern and Stark grow into young adults, we see her beginning to treat them the same way Himmel treated her. Frieren doesn’t realize it until later in the season, but it’s apparent to us early on that Himmel well and truly loved her, and I feel that it’s dawning on her that she loved him too and didn’t recognize it. That is tragic in and of itself (this show absolutely is a tearjerker at times and I will cop to getting misty-eyed as I write this), but there is something beautiful, well beyond my grasp, in being able to honor the memory and carry out the legacy of a loved one in how you treat those around you. I don’t think anything could have made Himmel prouder.

Frieren herself is a really goddamn good character too (and expertly voiced by Atsumi Tanezaki, best known for voicing Anya Forger in Spy x Family). Though she is portrayed as quiet and uncaring for the early part of the story, it’s been really delightful to watch her open up, and above all, inadvertently reveal that she’s actually just Really Fucking Weird. For as self-assured and put together as she always seems on the surface, it was great to learn that she’s just an enormous slob (she just like me fr), and any outward expressions of smugness or her offbeat sense of humor are always a joy. “Deeply weird person trying to act normal” is always fun, and there’s just something so consistently delightful about seeing someone so typically calm and intelligent get caught in a mimic chest every single time.

I still can’t get over how fucking good this show looks. Beyond Journey’s End features some of the most intricate, loving animation I’ve seen for stuff as simple as someone putting on a jacket. Action scenes are few and far between, but not a single frame is wasted when shit pops off. Not everyone is as detailed as possible at all times, and they don’t need to be, but everyone looks incredible when they need to be. It’s well above my pay grade to accurately say so, but this show could be a lesson in proper animation budgeting. I could go on and on and on, but I’ve written nearly eighteen thousand words about anime, so I’ll wrap it up.

The debut season of Frieren will continue into 2024, and if the quality remains a constant, it could very well be one of the best anime of next year too. It has remained as MyAnimeList’s top-rated anime ever for its entire run, warding off the legion of Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood fans. Frieren deserves it. I say with no hyperbole that this is one of the most perfectly realized things I’ve ever seen on television. This is an essential watch for anyone who likes fantasy anime, anime in general, or fantasy in general.

#anime reviews

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dulcewrites · 10 months

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I’m actually curious to see if, and honestly hope, in s2 (whenever that may come out. Studios pay your writers and actors) we get some sort of callback or allusion to the rumor that Jacaerys tried to convert Cregan from the old gods to the faith of the seven.

Not because I care about the gods, outside the religious symbolism they bring. I only want to see people’s reactions. Namely the ones who act as if Alicent is the first woman to ever openly practice the faith. Because I have a feeling those same people will paint Jace possibly doing that as endearing versus Alicent who gets painted as a monster for her connection to the faith. The most we see Alicent doing a redecorating her home. Mind you, not even every room because you can clearly see the tacky tapestries in Viserys’ room in ep 8. Plus we see her praying and wearing religious iconography. Things that are not out of the ordinary… at all. She’s honestly your textbook highborn noble woman during that time. She was born and raised in Oldtown ffs. What is she supposed to follow if not the faith💀

She gets seen as this horrible zealot out to destroy the Targaryens through the faith, and to me that is just indicative on how badly people misinterpret Alicent’s feelings/motivations.

People can have their problems with the writing in hotd. I know there are certain things I have problems with myself. But when can we start being honest about how a lot of the conversations that are regurgitated and argued about day after day have less to do with the writing, and more to do with bad faith viewing. People are watching to see what they want to see, not what is actually in front of them.

Anyone with an objective view of Alicent would be able to tell how much she clings to the faith for salvation and hope. She does it to feel close to her mother, and very kindly/cautiously tries to help Rhaenyra with that too. She then reaffirms her faith after 1. She (imo justifiably) loses her shit at Driftmark and feels guilty about it, and 2. Has to marry her children to each other. Something she expresses thinking is immoral in the past. We even see her cut her hair, more than likely as a means of punishment and repentance. She’s miserable and has very few lifelines to hold onto.

How that gets twisted into her being a bigot because she doesn’t want to see dragons having orgies on her walls is beyond me.

Also the idea she is trying to bring down House Targaryen is nuts, but also laughable. Because between her and her actual Targaryen husband, Alicent is the one affirming her childrens’ Targaryen heritage. She makes sure Aemond knows he will get a dragon one day. She makes sure Aegon gets Blackfyre and his namesake’s crown. It seems like Aemond, and more than likely her other kids, know Valyrian. Ironically, the most anti targ (and frankly valid) sentiments we get are from Viserys. He speaks on the doom, fears what is to come, and how they never should have messed with dragons.

Alicent ‘let the people remember the ancient strength of House Targaryen’ Hightower is not the Baelor y’all want her to be. And if she was, it would’ve worked in her favor more. People tend to leave out the part where the most beloved Targaryens (by their people) were partly that because of their connection to the faith. Ya know the thing Targaryens also practice.

#we literally get Rhaenyra making her kids swear #on a holy book - probably the seven pointed star #she makes note that they will have to adhere to that as rulers #what’s not clicking for people lmao #honestly the best way Alicent could’ve ‘ruined’ the Targaryens is by being a bad queen consort #which she wasn’t - she’s actually one of if not the only person constantly counting the cost of her people #and I just know someone is gonna be like ‘her marrying her kids is hypocritical’#mind you in the book it was viserys idea and it hasn’t been properly laid out in the show #and it’s that’s the case - can I hold Rhaenyra to her ‘I will create a new world order’ line #when she does nothing of the sort of any other woman…#or is the idea that no one can adjust to the bad situations in front of them just an Alicent thing #pro alicent hightower #alicent hightower #anti team black #I guess

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carmillascrusade · 5 months

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Something about fun part 2 | Vanessa(SB) x F!reader

Images do not belong to me.

Summary: Vanessa finds you and apologises for the way she treat you earlier.

Word count: 1,269

A/N: very sorry that this is late. Completely forgot that I had a history exam this week so I wrote this whilst eating my tea lmao. It isn’t proofread either so I apologise for any mistakes.

Vanessa hurried down to the kitchen after checking the cameras to make sure Chica was securely locked in her room, not wanting to be responsible for Chica malfunctioning. She was determined to make you the best pepperoni pizza you had ever had the pleasure of tasting. After all, it’s only what you deserved after enduring her awful treatment.

You were making your rounds around the pizzaplex, doing anything and everything to get your mind off Vanessa and her cruel words. Unbeknownst to you, Vanessa was currently in the kitchens preparing you a pepperoni pizza to share as an apology for her actions.

Vanessa milled around the kitchen as she waited for the pizza to cook. Breaking into her stash of Coca-Cola secretly hidden in a vent, she pulled two cans out of their container. One for you and one for her. Buzzing with a bittersweet nervousness she ran over the speech she had prepared for you one more time. If only she hadn’t snapped at you.

The beeping of the oven pulled Vanessa out of her thoughts as she walked over to grab the pizza before it burned. Guilt and shame motivated her movements, engulfing her heart and squeezing it in such a vice-like grip she thought it would explode.

In the quiet solitude of the dimly lit kitchen, Vanessa found herself engulfed in the suffocating embrace of regret. The weight of her actions loomed over her conscience like an oppressive shadow, sorrow cast upon her every thought. What would she do if you refused to forgive her? You were the light at the end of the road. She couldn’t bear to live without you and your sweet smiles.

Regret gnawed at the very core of her being, churning into an emotional storm within. She mourned the loss of your once cherished relationship, destroyed by her insecurity. No, she wouldn’t let herself think that way- she couldn’t. She was not going to lose you.

You glanced towards the clock that stood on the desk, the monitors showing a static screen and nothing else. Heartache echoed in the silence you found yourself in, unknowing if you and Vanessa could come back from this. Every beat of your heart resonated with the melody of lost love. Does Vanessa hate you now?

As you wallowed in self-pity, Vanessa was rushing spring the pizzaplex, desperately trying to find you before the pizza got cold. She exhaled short, panicked breaths as she failed to find you. Closing her eyes, she steadied herself for a moment, racking her brain for places where you may be.

You had to be somewhere she didn’t visit too often. Just as the thought crossed her mind, she now knew where she could find you. If only she wasn’t too late. Praying to the gods above and below, she dashed off into the direction of lost and found.

Huffing outside the door, she knocked hesitantly as the light above her flicked and hummed in anticipation. Startled from your thoughts by the soft knocking, you rose to your feet and ventured over to the door. What was Vanessa doing here?

Sighing softly, you opened the door to be feasted with a teary-eyed Vanessa holding a box of pizza in her hands, body subtly shaking as she stood there. Furrowing your brows in concern, you quickly reached for her and pulled her into the office. “Vanessa? What are you doing? Are you okay?”

Vanessa laughed at your fussing, your kind heart shining through your despair. She didn’t deserve your kindness. Words seemed to fail her as she stood before you, unable to muster the courage needed to apologise to you. Did you want her here?

She opened the pizza box to reveal the pizza she had created for you. The edges of the oddly shaped pizza were slightly burned and there was just a tad too much pepperoni covering it. Your lips quirked up slightly, you didn’t need to be a pizza expert to know that Vanessa had made it herself.

“For you.” She whispered, eyes anxiously searching for face for a reaction. “I- I came to apologise. I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that, it was unfair and there’s no excuse for it.”

You took the pizza from her hands and placed it down on the table, appreciative of the gesture. “Vanessa, it’s okay.”

“No!” She shouted, startling you in the process. Lowering her voice in an ashamed whisper she spoke once more. “It isn’t okay. I shouldn’t have taken out my insecurities on you. You- you don't have to reciprocate my feelings and I know that. I do! It was just so awful seeing you with Roxanne and instead of communicating with you, I lashed out. I’m truly sorry and I’ll do whatever it takes to get you to forgive me.”

Vanessa was near tears and you, you were confused. Feelings? You and Roxy? Whatever was she talking about?

“I’m afraid I don’t understand, ness. What feelings? And why would you be unhappy to see Roxy and I together? We were just having fun.”

Vanessa wrung her hands together, eyes flitting around the room nervously as she wracked up the courage to tell you about her feelings. Feelings for you. “I- I don’t want to be friends with you,”

“What?” You interrupted her, utterly devastated at her statement.

“No! No! That isn’t what I meant!” She grabbed you, wanting you to hear her out. “I don’t want to be your friend because I’m in love with you!”

The confession hung in the air as you absorbed her words, jaw slack and mouth open. You were not expecting this. Not expecting to have your feelings returned. Especially after what had happened earlier.

Vanessa grew more anxious as the two of you stood in silence. It wasn’t until she began to pull away that you realised she had just made a very large confession. One that needed addressing immediately.

Tugging her closer to you, your left hand wrapped around her waist, the other reaching up to toy with her ponytail. “I’m very glad that you share my feelings, Vanessa. Although, you’ll have to make it up to me for the way you treated me. You’re not entirely forgiven yet.” You smirked as she leaned towards you.

“Yes, anything.”

“How about you take me out on a date after our shift?” You asked with a slight smile, happy that despite everything, you were here with Vanessa.

“I’d love to.” She grinned back at you. Her eyes full of excitement as she grasped your chin and pulled your face towards hers. You closed the distance between the two of you and connected your lips. Time seemed to stand still as you embraced each other for the first time, both of you trying to express your feelings for one another. You let out a small laugh as you pulled away from the kiss, breathless and yearning for more.

“How about we share the lovely pizza you decided to make me?” You asked, after all, it would be a shame to make it.

“I would love to.” She repeated again.

As the two of you shared the pizza, you were hopeful for the future that would come. For you and Vanessa completed each other.

Not even fate would tear you apart now that you were together.

#fnaf security breach #fnaf vanessa #vanessa security breach #vanessa shelly x reader #vanessa x reader

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blakeswritingimagines · 10 months

Text

Dating Yandere Alicent Hightower would include:

She loves you in a very co-dependent way and will often try to limit your freedom of choice in an attempt to keep you close. As a romantic partner, She will expect you to have your entire focus on her and no one else. You would essentially become her entire world, and your approval (or disdain) would rule her entire existence.

She doesn't care about anything but you, and would kill for you in a heartbeat. But her love comes with a deep, twisted darkness. She doesn't know how to love and protect someone without making it seem possessive and obsessive. But she can act like there's no one else besides you, and if you ask her for the moon, she's got it. She doesn't know where the boundary is and has no limit. You're all she wants. Everything about you. You're her possession. In return, she wants everything. Everything about you. Your time. Your dreams. Your love. Your hopes. Everything.

She is very possessive and clingy. She requires a lot of attention and needs to know at all times what you are doing. Once she feels she's lost your attention, she becomes very jealous and angry. She will go to extreme lengths in order to maintain control over you and ensure that you are faithful to her. This behavior can become obsessive and may lead her to engage in stalking, harassment, and even violence.

She is a very manipulative person, and she will use various tactics to control you and keep you dependent on her. For example, she may use guilt and shame to make you feel bad for spending time with others, or she may isolate you from your loved ones. She may also resort to physical force, or threaten you with blackmail.

She secretly spies or gets others to spy on you when you aren't right beside her, making sure you do not show any affection to other people. If she finds that you did, she will find that person and dispose of them. To make sure you are constantly with her, she will make sure that she will always be by your side at all times, making excuses to do so. She will always make sure that your attention is on her.

She will take advantage of your vulnerabilities in order to get you under her control. She will use tactics such as gaslighting, manipulation, isolation, and coercion to keep you dependent on her and to ensure that you do not have any other close relationships or support systems. She will also try to make you believe that you cannot be happy or successful without her and that you need her in order to be complete.

Well, she has a tendency to become physically violent when she feels like you are being unfaithful or are ignoring her needs. She may lash out and attack you, or she may destroy the possessions of yours or the person you are being unfaithful with. She has also been known to threaten self-harm if you do not give in to her requests. If you try to leave her, she may become stalker-like and will show up at your home or workplace to threaten or intimidate you. Overall, she is a very intense and passionate person, and she can become obsessive and controlling when it comes to the relationship. Her actions are typically fueled by fear and insecurity, and she has been known to resort to violence and manipulation in order to maintain control over you.

Her children are usually quite confused by their mother's erratic and extreme behavior. They may find it difficult to understand her motivations, and may even find themselves feeling anxious or uncomfortable when she is in one of her obsessive and possessive states. It is not unusual for the children to want to avoid their mother when she is in these moods, as they may fear that they may be the target of her irrational and intense emotions.

Yes, people have tried to say something or attempt to stop her but they are usually unsuccessful at doing so. She is a very determined and unstoppable woman. She will use all of her skills and resources to ensure that you remain with her. Her love for you is so strong that no one can ever come between you both. No matter what it takes, she will do everything in her power to keep you by her side.

If you wanted to leave it depends. If you wanted to go to the shops for something quick or wanted to go out with friends, she would be upset but she would let you go but she would make sure to check on you every 5 seconds while you are out. Now if you wanted to leave as in like break up with her, she would get upset, she would cry, and have a breakdown. She would probably keep acting like it didn't happen over and over again, begging and pleading for you to stay if you really try to insist. She would try and find whatever means necessary to keep you with her.

If it’s just her and you alone together, she would be very loving towards you and be kind and gentle. She will act all sweet and make you feel comfortable as if everything you've gone through was nothing. She might even go to the extent of being loving physically if you are into that. She would always shower you with love and affection so you would always love her too. She would be doing all sorts of things to keep you in love with her only.

She doesn’t really punish you, more like makes you feel guilty and punish yourself. For example, let’s say you want to go somewhere far from her, she would act upset and make you feel bad for wanting to move far away. And when or if you actually do, she would send you “punishing” letters, telling you how much you broke her heart and how horrible you are for leaving her alone. And when or if you would come back, she'd want you to be apologizing to her and give her anything she would ask for to compensate for leaving her. If you ever go out again, she would threaten you if you ever left her again, she would go crazy.

Ser Criston Cole would most likely be her servant for this as well, and do as she says like the good boy he is. He would also join her in her yandere tendencies in making sure no one else gets you. Of course. Ser Cole is always ready to serve the Queen, no matter what comes her way. If Queen Alicent wishes to use Ser Cole to rid of the competition, he’d gladly do it or even stay close to you and spy on you just to report back to her.

She would do anything to make you feel better if you were sick or dealing with serious issues. She would make sure that you got the best care and treatment that you need. She would probably also spend a lot more time with you to make you feel better and help you get through your illness. She would be very supportive and attentive to your needs and try to make you feel as comfortable as possible.

She’d find out your interests and hobbies, and try to do similar things to get your attention. She would try and be as sweet and as charming as she can be to you, to lure you in. She’d do anything to impress you, and if her first plan doesn’t work she’d try another until she succeeds. She would try and be as perfect as she possibly can for you. She’d make you feel special, and like you are the only person in the world that matters to her.

She would send you love letters and gifts. She would also visit you a lot and always try to get closer to you. She would also dress up to get your attention, being extra clingy in public. She would let you know that she is always here for you and that she deeply cares about you. She would lovebomb you too.

If she needed to hide that part of herself, then she can be very deceiving and manipulative, so she is capable of disguising her Yandere-ness around the right people. However, she is not a huge fan of keeping her emotions in for extended periods of time. So there is always a good chance her true Yandere self may shine through if she has to keep it hidden too long. She does try to hide it, but once she gets possessive, it’s really hard to contain herself and all the crazy she would do to keep you to herself

Yes, often. Especially when she sees someone she cares about spend time and show affection with another person. She can get very bitter seeing you interact with someone else and seeing you enjoy spending time with them. She hates to know that someone else is close to you and gets to have that affection from you that she doesn’t get. She hates seeing others get that treatment from you and seeing that person get close to you when she should be the only one who gets that kind of treatment. That would be enough to drive her to insanity.

She loves to spoil you with expensive gifts. She’ll usually buy you whatever you want and give you all her attention. She will get a personal cook for you and a servant to clean just to make sure you don’t have to lift a finger. She will shower you with love and affection because you deserve that and so much more. She will praise you whenever she can and do anything that makes you happy. She will love you with every ounce out of her because she just loves spoiling you.

She can’t imagine her life without you. You complete her, and without you, she feels lost and doesn’t know what to do. She needs you to make her life better, and she will do anything for you. She wants you to be by her side forever, and she can’t stand it when that won’t be possible. She is extremely protective of her loved ones and would do everything she can for you to be safe and to remain safe. She is incredibly loyal to you, and she can’t imagine her life without you.

She trails soft kisses down your chest and stomach before she gives you head. Speaking of head she’s good at it and loves to do it, sometimes even more than sex itself.

She loves to praise you, telling you how good you’re doing and how beautiful you look. It’s borderline dirty talk to her.

She loves grinding against you while you make out, kissing down your neck and leaving hickeys in her wake. She loves how you shiver when she scrapes her teeth against your skin.

She enjoys burying her face in the crook of your neck, and you can always feel her hot breath on your neck as she pants hot and heavy.

Hair pulling, mainly on you. It’s one of the ways that she likes to get your attention or to just make you listen to her.

#alicent hightower x reader #alicent hightower #hotd alicent #alicent hightower imagine #alicent x reader #house of the dragon #tw yandere #yandere #yandere alicent hightower #dating would include

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eddies-house · 11 months

Text

Whatever She Wants; I Will Do Anything - E.M.

Eddie x fem reader

2.9K Words

Inspired by the song Graceland Too by Phoebe Bridgers. Or where you’re very good at keeping your guard up and not letting others in only to crumble under the pressure. And Eddie is there to help you put the pieces back together.

Warnings - angsty, depictions of mental illness, dark thoughts

A/N - This shit is emotional and this song has been stuck in my head for days so I had to do something with it. Any feedback is appreciated 🥹

Masterlist

— I would do anything you want me to

I would do anything for you

I would do anything, I would do anything

Whatever you want me to do, I will do

—

If you could pick the scenery to describe your own brain, it wouldn’t be a field of daisies, fresh and heavenly, or rainbows after a light summer rain, sticky but romanticized. It wouldn’t be angelic beach views with sunsets marbling the sky or even the starry night with the moon soaking the earth in its celestial light. No, these things were magnificent, pleasing to look at, easy to take in. Very unlike your brain.

Your idea would be more of a tsunami ripping everything apart, having no mercy on anything in its wake—destroying everything it touches. Emotions receding into the sea quietly before ultimately coming back in a massive wave and disrupting the quaint living of those around. Murky skies and shattered hope. People running, and running far just to avoid the disaster—the impending doom that was you. That is exactly how you’d describe your brain.

Sometimes if you were lucky there were a select few weeks in between the storms of your mind where you’d feel a sliver of relief, a drought in the ever flowing thoughts that dismantled your life. Times where there would be a glimmer of ambition and an inkling of motivation. It never lasted long, fleeing as soon as you were starting to get better. A colossal wave consuming you once again, and people would go running as they always did—the commotion of the storm too turbulent for them to brave.

And the agonizing thoughts would begin to stew at the very core of your brain. Simmering until they boiled over at random.

Too hard to love.

Useless.

Worthless.

Barely a person, a walking corpse devoid of emotion due to the burnout.

Not worthy of love.

Not worthy of anything.

I should have never even made it this far, sixteen years was my limit.

I don’t want to do this anymore, please don’t make me do this anymore.

It was all so daunting, so intimidating and heavy. It truly felt like you did not belong on this earth and there was absolutely no way to combat it other than merely surviving. Days passed and you were trapped in the endless cycle that was existing without purpose.

Your boyfriend, Eddie, sweet Eddie had a life to live and you couldn’t bear to burden him with the sorrows of your aching soul. Eventually he’d realize what a nuisance you were, how crippling your state of mind could be. He didn’t deserve to be detained by the relationship you so thought was out of pity. Ever so generous, kind, enamoring, handsome, loving, gentle, loud, assertive—everything Eddie was made of, was something you believed you never once deserved. You dreaded the day he would glance at you and come to his senses. She is too broken for me, I can’t love her.

The convincing mask you were able to automatically put on was all too familiar. Being able to physically front that you were happy when the reality of it all was that demons swam through your bloodstream and never left, only lying dormant every once in a blue moon only to come back at full force. It felt like poison, the way you would be okay one moment and suddenly in seconds you were grasping onto your sanity, clinging onto any bits of reality—of your mortal self only to be swallowed up by harsh accusations toward yourself that would have you sinking back into your bed for as long as it required. And that’s how you got so good with the mask, forcing yourself to conform to the world around you when you absolutely couldn’t rot in bed, other obligations taking priority despite the poison coursing through your body. A smile on your face, a compliment here, a joke there, sprinkled with some stupid story from the other day that always seemed to appease your audience. It was all fake and no one could sniff it out.

Until Eddie came along and he was able to detect even the slightest shift in your demeanor. Though you could throw the mask on, it didn’t always work with him and he would encourage you to take it off. You never did. Insisting I’m fine, just a little tired. Lying through your teeth. You couldn’t help it, you’d never let your guard down with anyone ever. How were you supposed to when it didn’t even feel like an option? A people pleaser to your core, you’d take your feelings with you to the grave.

The first time Eddie stumbled upon you crying, he was at a loss, not knowing how to approach the situation. Do I hug her? No, what if she doesn’t want me to? Do I hold her hand? Does she want me to leave? Did I do something? What if I made her cry? Does she want to break up? Every thought flew at him at lightning speed, practically slapping him in the face. Before any decision could be made, you sucked back the tears and used your sleeves to aggressively clear your under eyes. I’m fine, I just watched an emotional movie. Lies. Not wanting to push you further, he nodded and held you close. But he knew. You were suffering, drowning in your own fucked up world and he had no idea how to pull you out. When his own mind started suffocating him he could at least voice that he wasn’t having the best day, also being the type to never burden others with his invading thoughts. He’d leave it at that and sulk in his room but you would always sit with him, if he allowed. If not, that was okay too and he was eternally grateful.

The more he studied your behavior when you just felt off, the more he gathered the way you would often go blank during a conversation, eyes becoming void of a human and turning into a shell of yourself as you picked yourself apart internally. Anxiety looming in your eyes and hands the slightest bit shaky, he would touch his fingertips to yours in the smallest touch hoping to lure you back, praying that he didn’t overstep because god he was so scared. And when you did return, you still weren’t fully there although you claimed you were just tired. Again. He just wanted you to be happy. And you wanted to be happy.

It took almost a year into the relationship for you to even be able to ask him to come over when you wanted to just be with him. Before that it just felt like you were pestering him for attention even though that was far from the truth. You could call him just to complain about how your lunch tasted and he would savor every moment. Even still, you had your doubts about calling him or texting him, the nasty demons lurking within you telling you he didn’t care. Eddie picked up on your patterns from the very beginning and learned that the way you worded things really indicated your mood, if you were genuinely doing well or if things were bad again. A simple phrase popping up on his phone and he would bolt to you if he had the slightest inclination that you were in a pool of your own self deprecating thoughts.

Are you home? Really meant, I need you, I need you and I’m too afraid to outright say it.

Are you busy? Either meant that you wanted to go on a gas station run with him or that you wanted to vent about your family.

Want to come over? Generally translated to I’m in a good space right now and would love to spend time with you.

I love you. Told him I’m thinking about you.

Love you. Was an indicator that you were on edge, it could be because of him depending on the nature of the situation or it could just be a bad day.

Food? Was the phrase used to tell him I’m hangry and we better be getting Mexican food otherwise you better suggest something that sounds yummier.

I’m fine. Was as clear as day. I’m the opposite of fine.

So when it’s ten o’ clock at night and the cicadas are chirping outside his trailer, his fingers dancing along the neck of his guitar to a new riff he recently learned and he sees his phone light up with your name, he eagerly reaches over to pick it up and read. His eyes scan over three key words.

Are you home?

Immediately he’s setting his guitar on top of his mattress, calling you as he scrambles around his room searching for his car keys, finally locating them underneath his copy of Lord of the Rings he had been rereading earlier, tossing the book aside. The dial tone rings through his ears a few times, heart beating fast. On the other end, a meek little hey is heard along with a sniffle that you swore you would hide.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” His voice is laced with concern while he makes his way out to the living room to collect his leather jacket.

“I-I-nothing. I just—wanted to hear your voice.” Part of it is a lie. Everything is wrong and your world is crumbling as you stare out the window lifelessly. Panic is taking over while you endure thoughts about your past, present, and future. Why did I say that one thing that one time? I’m such a bad person. I should have never been born, that way I could save everyone the embarrassment. You’re instigating yourself and there’s no sign of stopping. Eddie would be happier without you, he’s too good for you, good things don’t happen to you without a price. Bullet after bullet hits your soul.

“I’m coming over.” He tells you without giving you the option to say no, the line going silent as he hangs up. This only coaxes more humiliating things out from the depths of your brain. See what you did? You ruined his night, now he’s on his way over and he’s probably so mad. He has so many better things to be doing than sitting with a cry baby.

The sobs rack your body, chest heaving and vision completely blurred with hot tears traveling down your face. You’re shaking, the words assaulting you over and over. Even if you wanted to stop crying you couldn’t, the dam was flooded. It was an oversight on your part, you didn’t need to text Eddie but you did it out of impulse. Everything suddenly becomes so overstimulating, so gross and uncomfortable. The way your clothes hug your body makes you wince, rubbing your arms to somewhat soothe yourself but it only does so much. The clutter on your bedside table aggravates you all of the sudden but there’s not any energy to straighten it up, leaving you sitting on the bed in full on breakdown mode. You’re now way too aware of your own body, yearning to immediately cease existing. A blanket once thrown over your legs is now tossed across the room, the material now disgusting you. Everything becomes unbearable.

So unbearable that you don’t even hear Eddie using his key in your front door, the hinges squeaking as he enters, or the click of the lock as he locks it again before rushing upstairs, his boots stomping on every other step. You don’t hear the bedroom door creak open as he carefully approaches, toeing off his boots near the door and then speaking to you.

“Sweetheart, what’s goin’ on?” His tone is gentle enough to soothe a baby. Shrugging his jacket off and tossing it on a nearby chair, he slowly strides closer to the bed but still keeps his distance.

All you can do is cover your face in your pathetic palms, attempting to hide away the misery you have become. A wet and whimpered I don’t know is made out from you muffling the words into your hands. His heart shatters. All he wants to do is hold you but only if you’ll allow him to. The last thing he wants to do is make it worse. The last time he saw you cry was also the first time and you’d sucked it up and brushed it off like it never happened. This was drastically different, you were a puddle of tears and snot, sobbing uncontrollably and unable to hold back any longer.

“Baby. Look at me. Just for a minute, okay?” He’s trying to convince you but you shake your head, palms still gathering tears. “Please? Please?” He begs, voice hoarse as he tries to map out a gameplan in his head. It still falls upon deaf ears. “I need you to look at me. If I’m going to help you, you need to look at me.” He leans over the bed attempting to catch your eyes. “I need you.” He speaks desperately, his own eyes becoming wet. For some reason, the phrase makes you stop for a second, makes you freeze. If he needed you, then you were going to give him anything he wanted, anything he needed. It was some type of reverse psychology that he hadn’t even realized he performed. You were falling apart but the moment he begged for help you stopped everything to be by his side.

Shock written in his features, he looks at you while you look at him, big doe eyes full of anxiety and worry. The atmosphere was stagnant at that moment. Hiccups erupted out of you but your full undivided attention was on him. He pondered his next moves carefully, not wanting to scare you off or chase you back into your corner. His next words were spoken with the utmost care.

“Tell me what you need me to do.” His voice was shaky and his eyes blinked rapidly. “I—I’ve never done this before. Please tell me what you need.” His voice wobbled on the last few words as you tried to process everything. “Whatever you want me to do, I will do.” The way his tone wavered broke you, choking out a sob before stopping yourself. You did this to him. So you force yourself to provide an answer, it’s the least you could do.

Voice cracking, you reply “Hold me.” The dam continues flooding, sending a river down your cheeks. He’s quick to crawl across the bed and gather you in his arms like the most fragile thing he’s ever held. Arms wrap around your middle to pull you in between his legs, pulling your back flush against his chest as you then maneuver your body to curl into him like he’s your bunker, face buried in his chest and trembling hands fisting his shirt.

“I’m right here, I’ve got you. I’m here.” Whispered reassurances against the top of your head as you soak his shirt in a mixture of tears and snot. He lets you cry for as long as you need, as long as you want.

“I’m always here for you. Okay? I would do anything for you.” He promises, stroking your back soothingly, placing a kiss to your temple. Everything about you is so ugly in the moment and yet, he’s so patient and warm. So attentive and loving. His gestures begin to chip at the walls you built around yourself so long ago. It would take time but he’s made the first cracks in those sturdy walls and he would spend forever helping you tear them down.

The sobs and hiccups begin to settle down, not completely but enough that you have some composure. Your wide eyes stare into his kind ones. You’re forced to recognize the unconditional love swimming in his eyes. The genuine concern for your well being and his necessity for your comfort and happiness.

“I love you.” An offer through your tears of that same love on a silver platter that he would gladly indulge in. Hand brushing against the bottom of your chin, tilting it ever so slightly while the other rests on the small of your back, he delivers a nudge of his nose against yours, a piece of his heart.

“I love you. I will always love you.” His words have a greater meaning, an oath that even through the bad times, the times where you were isolated and hated yourself, kicking yourself to the curb, he would be right there to help you back up. A brush of his thumb against a rogue tear on your cheek has you hanging onto his every action. The way he continues to use his thumbs to clean up any remnants of sadness that had been acquired over the last hour or so. How his lips curl up in fondness when you brush your fingertips along his stubbly cheek. A whispered thank you against his skin. When he lays back and pulls you onto his chest, his breathing lulling you into a post cry sleep that you very well needed, one hand running up and down your back and the other tracing shapes into your arm—calloused fingers providing every bit of comfort needed. How his lips press a kiss to your forehead. The scary thoughts were at bay for now and Eddie would without a doubt help you to battle them the next time they invaded your mind, whether it be tomorrow or next week. His words have you melting, insides gooey and sticky when he thinks you’re fast asleep but you’re really still clinging onto these last waking moments as you mold into each other.

“You’re everything I could ever ask for. I would do anything for you.”

~end~

Masterlist

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson fic #eddie munson angst #eddie munson comfort #eddie munson smut #eddie x reader #vics blurbs #eddie munson x fem reader #eddie munson x female reader

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