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ahundredtimesover · 2 years

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A Still Day or A Hurricane (10) | JJK

Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader

Genre/Tags: single mom lawyer!OC x pastry chef!Jungkook; angst, fluff, smut; age gap

Chapter Warnings: foul/explicit language; single parenthood, motherhood; mention of a sexual harassment case, inaccurate law stuff im sry; jealousy, insecurities; infidelity; eventual smut (18+)

Chapter Word count: 12k

Status: Completed

Series summary: Driven by your perfectionist attitude and need to have everything in order, you planned that by age 30, you’d have made junior partner, bought your own apartment, and have children. You achieved them, of course, and while the last bit required you to take matters into your own hands - no thanks to your ex-boyfriend who dumped you but to your best friend who directed you to a fertility clinic - you’re now a 31-year old who pretty much has her life under control. You’re ready to raise your child on your own, that is, until the 20-something pastry chef flirts his way into your heart, messing up the perfect little life you worked so hard to have for yourself.

A/N: I did say it was slow burn, right?? Please enjoy!

Listen to: Straw (EZ Kim), Restless (Bibi), Let Me (GOT7) || Playlist 🎶

Series Masterlist

Standing in front of Jungkook as he leans against his car, you’re reminded, through both your outfits, that this date really is just about you and him.

You’re used to him in sweatpants and oversized hoodies when you stay in and in jeans and a jacket when you’re both out with Heejin. With his caps and beanies, you always thought he looked so comfortable, so good-looking, so boyfriend, as Byeol constantly points out.

But Jungkook in a silk, patterned polo, slacks, and dress shoes, with his slick hair parted on the side and his lip ring glinting underneath the street light, he looks mesmerizing. Even more with the bouquet of carnations he’s holding on his side.

“Hi, ___. You look so beautiful,” he says, his eyes unblinking, not wanting to miss anything.

He takes you in, dressed in high-waist trousers and a lace top hidden beneath a crop blazer with a bit more makeup than usual. He’s seen you in your work outfits, which you always look amazing in, and there was always a sense of purpose in your looks. This one does, too, and if it’s to make him fall for you harder and faster, you definitely achieved it.

“Ah, well, I realized the other night that my date night wardrobe has been untouched for so long and I couldn’t make up my mind on what to wear, actually,” you chuckle. “But the way you’re looking at me says I chose the right outfit.”

“Fuck, you have no idea. My brain’s kinda malfunctioning right now,” he responds. “I mean, you look gorgeous all the time but this, uh. Yeah, this is too much for me. I’m sorry if I end up staring at you tonight. Please call me out if it gets uncomfortable for you.”

“I might,” you chuckle, but in your mind it’s only because you’re probably going to be flustered if he keeps looking at you the way he is. “You cleaned up pretty nicely, too.”

“Thanks. I ended up buying an outfit everyday since Sunday and I had Eun-jung decide on the best one for tonight,” he smiles. “I owe her a box of pastries the next time she visits.”

“Well, you can always wear those other outfits to our next two-person dates. I already know I’m gonna want more after tonight,” you reply, giggling at the way his eyes widen at your bluntness.

He clears his throat to mask how flustered he is and opens the door of the car and leads you in.

The restaurant he’d chosen is a fancy but cozy place overlooking the river and their tasting menu is one of the best in the city, you’ve heard.

Being out with Heejin lets you get to know Jungkook in a different way. During those times, he’d shown to be more attentive than you expected. He’d be playful but caring, would address your needs and Heejin’s, and would always make sure to make her laugh. But tonight, his focus is all on you. And you see that immediately with how he helps you settle in your seat and remove your blazer and ask if everything is okay.

You start to talk about your respective days, and with no squealing child to attend to or who’d interject every time you and Jungkook talked, your conversation flows so easily. You talk more about your families, how your childhood was like, all your holiday trips, and anything else you could think of.

Jungkook is curious and respectful as always, still silly in many ways, but genuine in how he is with you. You’re not used to someone being so focused on you, but it’s not something you call him out for.

There’s something with the way he looks at you that makes you feel beautiful, as if he’s seeing and acknowledging all that you are, and like much as he’d tried with you from the beginning, he doesn’t put you on a pedestal. You’re human to him - someone who’s her own self but someone to care for, someone to appreciate, someone who makes mistakes, and someone who can grow.

Jungkook takes a spoonful of the seafood bisque when some of it sticks to the corner of his mouth. You immediately wipe it off, and you see him visibly stop when he feels your finger against his skin.

You know he knows you’re quite guarded with affection, and he never really complained, although you’ve noticed the few times that he’d inched his hand closer to yours or let your finger-brushing moments linger. He’d come closer a lot of times but you’d stay right where you were, unbudging, and it’s only because physical affection, in its most intimate forms, is something you give with all of you.

You’d shared moments of intimacy with him - that day when you let him feel Heejin kicking in your belly, to the kiss, to warming his ears, and now this.

Ever since he got back and you’d both gotten closer, you feel like slowly giving parts of yourself to him, knowing he’d take and then return them. He’s patient, as always, and transparent with how you affect him.

“You had a bit of something on the corner of your mouth,” you state.

He takes another mouthful and deliberately stains his lips again, scrunching his nose because he knows what he’d done, and you can’t help but laugh at his antics. So does he, as you take the napkin this time and gently wipe the stain off his mouth, your own lips parted just to tease.

There’s a twinkle in his eyes and a glow in his smile that you’re only seeing now. It’s familiar but new, and you won’t be surprised if you mirror it, too.

Drinking his water, you take in his side features. The lighting in your little corner makes his sharp jaw even more striking, so does the scar on his left cheek, something that you ask him about.

“You know that point in your childhood when you’re convinced you’re an animal so you act like one?” He says, munching on the parmesan crisps of the next dish.

“Uh, no? Are you sure you had a normal childhood?” You chuckle.

“Yes. And I thought I was a dog and so I was barking at one that I saw at the park then it jumped at me and scratched my cheek,” he narrates animatedly. “It never went away. I bear the mark of my companion. You seriously never had that phase?”

“Not at all. That’s just weird.”

“No it isn’t! I had a chicken phase, too, and I think that’s why I’m so sympathetic with animals. They love me so much, they fall asleep when I touch them.”

“Are you serious?” You ask incredulously.

“No, I was just joking.”

“What the heck, Jungkook! I almost believed you!” You playfully smack his arm.

“Did it annoy you?” He chuckles.

“Yes!”

“Okay, good,” he winks at you and for your sake, you try to not mind it.

“No but really, how’d you get your scar?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. I’ve always had it as a kid and whenever I’d ask my parents, they’d give me a different answer every time.” He laughs. “There’s the dog story. Then one was a fight I had with my brother over a slice of cake. Another was that I laid my cheek on the floor trying to look for monsters under my bed then I got scratched by the floorboard. And then one was from a branch when I was climbing a tree to look for giants.”

“And your parents don’t wanna tell you? Or maybe they don’t know, either,” you wonder.

“Oh they do. They just like messing with me. Over a decade later they still won’t give the full story. They keep laughing at me, though,” he shares, suddenly missing them.

“Your parents sound amazing,” you say, amused at how close and comfortable their relationship is, similar to how you and your siblings are with your mom.

“They’re insane sometimes, but I guess that’s why it worked with them,” he shares, hoping it doesn’t seem insensitive to you, although you’d talked earlier about your father, saying you no longer hold a grudge against him.

“Ma is a little crazy and makes Dad laugh all the time. It was like her way to his heart. And I think that’s why he’s still so in love with her.”

You hum, thinking that maybe, it’s just that simple - find someone who makes you laugh, who makes you feel silly, who adores you, who’s sincere with you.

“Is that what you’re trying to do, then? Just making me laugh until I can’t get enough of you?” You cock an eyebrow.

“I thought I annoy you?”

“You make me laugh a lot more, though,” you respond.

“So, is it working?”

“It is.”

You hold his gaze that’s switched from anxious to satisfied, and the way he smiles at you causes a bloom in your heart that you’re unable to temper.

“Good,” he bites his lip, his mind going hazy. “That’s really good.”

After your date date with Jungkook, which ended with you cradling Heejin in your arms as he hummed a lullaby to put her back to sleep, you couldn’t wait for another one. But you also realized that it meant she’d miss him, too.

You were on a video call with him that Thursday after not being able to drop by the cafe and your daughter, who was lying next to you, crawled to your chest to say hi to him.

“Kookoo! Where are you?” She asked in her toddler voice.

“I’m just here, sunshine,” he replied. “Do you miss me? Because I miss you. We’ll see each other soon, okay?”

She had on a little pout but nodded anyway, and you gave her the bunny stuffed toy from Jungkook to appease her.

He offered to look after her the next day, though, picking her up from your mom’s place and then spending the afternoon building blocks and practicing colors and animals.

You arrive home later than usual but with take-out dinner, tiredness from your long day evident in your sighs and shaking hands.

“You alright?” Jungkook asks.

“Yeah, just exhausted. Had a bit of a meltdown over the sexual harassment case I told you about,” you say. “It’s so pervasive and every time we get cases like this, I’m always reminded of how terribly society treats women and I absolutely hate it.”

“I’m sorry,” Jungkook says. “I can’t imagine what it’s like, but like you said, a win here will do something, however big or small that is. So just keep doing what you’re doing, alright?”

You nod, saying your team debriefs regularly but you just had to release the frustration. He says you’re free to do so and that he’ll stay a little longer in case you want to talk. You both sit at the dining table and talk about the worst parts of the job, the cases that keep you up at night, that completely change how you view life and everything about it.

Jungkook looks at you and thinks about all the times you’d come home feeling like this and having only Heejin to hear you talk, if you even do.

He recalls the conversation he had with Yuri and Taehyung at your mom’s place the other week, with them saying that while you talk about your work, you don’t talk about you. They said it’s when you message everyone to meet at your apartment and ask your mom to cook that they know things have been tough, and so they try in whatever way they can to help.

“She was always our second parent,” Yuri said. “Mom took care of all the basic stuff for us but she halved with ___ in the emotional needs department. Our big sister worried for us, carried our burdens, made sure we didn’t feel like too much was missing just because our dad left. I think she’ll always be like that,” she added. “She’ll shoulder everything she can so others wouldn’t, and I just always wondered who would help her when she’s unable to do it alone.”

You’d said once that you go to therapy when you need to, that you spend time with your friends when it gets too much, and that having Heejin has been the greatest help in terms of finding that joy in your life that you don’t depend on others for.

He knows you do what you can to handle everything your own way, but he also wants nothing more than for you to know that you have him to lean on, and he’d happily carry your burdens with you so you don’t always have to do it on your own.

He tells you this as you say you’ll get over it, and you smile, saying that he’s been a big help the past few months in getting your mind off things and just feeling that relief when you’re around him. He feels satisfied knowing he’s able to do even just a little bit, though a part of him wishes he could do more, but he keeps that thought tucked in a crevice in his mind.

You proceed to give Heejin a bath, after cuddle time with her as you hug her tightly, and then taking one yourself as Jungkook reads her a bedtime story.

You enter her room in your silk pajamas and watch from the door as he talks to her about the legend of the tiger and the magical persimmons.

“She didn’t try to butt in while you read?” You chuckle as you stand next to him.

“Not tonight,” he laughs and shakes his head.

“Hi, bubba. You sleepy already?” You ask, caressing her cheeks.

“Mama,” she coos, yawning as her eyes flutter close.

“Goodnight, little one,” you whisper, kissing her nose.

You and Jungkook head to the couch and you let out a long sigh. You hug the pillow on your lap and curl your toes as the pain reminds you of that long walk you took in your heels to get to your lunch meeting.

Jungkook watches you in amusement as you settle comfortably on your seat but also sees how you constantly crack your toes.

He nudges your foot and puts out his hand. “I’m good at massages. Come on.”

You briefly hesitate. It’s a little more intimate than you’re used to, but it’s also something your ex never offered to do because it was always you doing it, and you always did it out of affection. So you give in and let Jungkook take your left foot.

His hand is soft with some rough patches he got from lifting weights. He’s gentle as he kneads your flesh and thumbs your heel. You can’t help but internally moan at how good it feels, prompting you to hug the pillow more tightly and flutter your eyes closed.

You hear him chuckle but he keeps going with your right one this time, putting in pressure where he thinks you need it, then stretching and cracking your toes.

You finally let out a moan and Jungkook tries hard to pretend it doesn’t affect him. You see him smirk, though, tonguing his lip ring again, looking adorable as he feels proud of being able to affect you this way.

“All good?” He asks.

“Yes, thank you,” you smile. “Now, your turn. You had a long morning of kneading dough today. Give me your hands.”

He doesn’t hesitate, giving you his right hand and you proceed to massaging it. You briefly trace his calluses, unaware of the chill running down his spine. You mostly use your fingers, cracking and stretching his own, too.

“So this is what it takes to have you hold my hand,” he says, his smug face saying he’s teasing but you also see the hint of desire in them.

“Hey!” You playfully shove him.

“I’m kidding,” he laughs. “It’s okay. This is nice. Something good to have after a long day.”

“It is,” you agree, feeling his hand tugging your wrist, as if motioning you to come closer.

It’s indeed been a long day, and after talking to him and feeling better with how he listens and encourages you, you want his warmth to comfort you even further. So you scoot next to him, your legs on the floor now as you lean on his shoulder.

You feel him let out a long breath, and afraid to look at him to see the desire in his eyes, you settle against him like this.

It’s easy to want this with him, but all the more difficult to take things slow. You don’t want to make the same mistakes anymore. It’s not that you compare Jungkook with your ex, but it felt this good, this easy with Yun-seo at one point, and you realized that you dove into it because you felt the comfort from your friendship was enough.

You want to make sure that you’re certain about Jungkook and that he’s certain about you and Heejin, too. And every intimate moment you share with him is a way for you to settle in the idea, the feeling of having him be part of your life in the long-run. Giving him only bits of and pieces of the affection he’s used to in his relationships is your way of giving him space to back out in case he realizes he doesn’t want it as much as he thinks, and that would leave you less to lose in case he does.

Your friends think Jungkook has proven he’s in this with you, even treating Heejin like his own, not so much to get to you but to show you that he wants her in his life as much as he does you. And you echo those sentiments, but you just want to be sure because you don’t want another heartbreak that you know would hurt so much more if it doesn’t work out.

But it’s days like what you had that feel like a storm - of emotions, of frustrations, of expectations you have for yourself; a day when you feel like it’s a mess around you and you’re trying your hardest to pick up whatever pieces you can. But it’s also evenings like right now when you allow yourself to breathe, to question, to worry, to wonder, wrapped in Jungkook’s warmth that lets you know that whatever it is you’re feeling, it’s gonna be okay.

And as you feel his strong hand gently caressing your arm and hear his soft humming to a familiar ballad, it’s getting clearer and clearer that you want this everyday, as long as you possibly could.

You go on another date with Jungkook that’s just the both of you after work that thankfully had you just staying at the office.

You do karaoke, with him serenading you and then you, butchering every boyband song you sing. You wander the streets of Ikseon-dong and go from one cafe and stall to another. You try odd-combination but delicious dishes, and the desserts you buy make Jungkook giddy with excitement, especially as you feed each other what you decide to separately order.

It was a date you had after spending the weekend with Heejin - you went to a toy haven kids’ cafe on Saturday and then stayed in to do arts and crafts before heading to Namjoon’s for dinner.

Your daughter’s attachment to Jungkook is one that you don’t take for granted, something that’s different with her attachment to your family given the substantial amount of time the three of you spend together. It’s not easy finding the balance of making sure you don’t want him just because of Heejin but also because of her, the same way it is to know that he’s how he is with her not just because of you.

But you see enough, you think. Hobi even goes on about Jungkook narrating his babysitting afternoons with Heejin. Jimin shares his friend randomly mentioning her or you during their game or drinking nights. And other than seeing them firsthand enjoy each other’s company - with how Heejin clings to him every time he’s around or how he has the softest, most child-like laughter with her - you also see it when he looks after her when you aren’t around.

The baby monitor records everything, and you had it installed when you started having a babysitter over. When Jungkook would watch over Heejin on some afternoons, you obviously wanted to make sure that everything was okay and that your daughter was comfortable being left alone with him. You find out later on that it’s what you need to see just how those two are with each other when you aren’t really looking.

You sneak in looks even at work, but it’s at the end of the day when you get to see how they spend their time together. Jungkook feeds her the food you’ve prepared and Heejin returns the favor by trying to feed him, too. He’s figured out how she is when she’s hungry, sleepy, or just pooped, and other than when she’s taking her afternoon nap, they have so much fun together that you want nothing more than to be there right with them.

Jungkook has so much energy - for dancing with Heejin, chasing her around, and throwing her up and making her fly like a unicorn - something you don’t have enough of after a day of arguing with people and dealing with assholes as part of your job.

She likes to converse with him, as if she’s narrating an unbelievable dream she had, and she’s fond of wrapping her arms around him and tucking her head in the crook of his neck. You’ve noticed her try to bite his face a few times. One time you went home with her in braids because she asked Jungkook to do it for her; his proud smile kept you up that night. The warmth in your heart grows as you think that these are the things she does with and asks of you.

What you appreciate the most is how Jungkook never fails to include you in everything that he and Heejin do together. He always sends photos of her to you - usually during playtime - or videos of her saying what she’s doing. They wave at the camera sometimes and he’d call when you say you’re free so she can say hi.

Your favorite was that one time you went home and found an artwork they both made posted on the fridge, the words resembling To Mama bringing tears to your eyes, knowing they’re always thinking of you. The fact that Jungkook takes time to teach her things, whether it’s arts or numbers, makes you feel like you’re not making her miss out on too much, and that Jungkook, as he’s always shown, cares for her in ways you didn’t expect.

On Jungkook’s end, the joy that he feels when he’s with Heejin is natural and comfortable. It doesn’t surprise him as much, since he’s always loved kids. When he stayed in Busan for two years, he got to bond with his nieces and nephews whom he spent so much time playing with.

But though Heejin isn’t related to him, there’s a certain connection he feels with her. Maybe it’s being the first person other than you and Sun-hee who got to see how she looked like through the sonogram when he drove you to your checkup that one time. Maybe it’s all the grocery and department store shopping you both did for her. Maybe it’s feeling her kicks in your belly that afternoon when everything changed. Maybe it’s the fact that he’d been there as you pushed her out of you, hearing her cry and seeing her beauty the moment she was born.

Heejin had been a big reason why things didn’t work out with you and him. She was always going to be your priority, and you didn’t want him messing you up or adding to the list of things you had to think or worry about, given his feelings for you then.

But he always wondered about Heejin all those years of being away. He’d think about her when he’d be with his siblings’ kids, imagining which features of yours she inherited, if she’s as feisty and caring as her mother, if she’s everything you ever dreamed of her to be.

Seeing her photo that time you went to Busan made his heart swell with joy at how much she’s grown, knowing she was a happy child because of the love you shower her with. And finally seeing and spending time with her has meant so much to Jungkook in ways he doesn’t think he’d ever get to explain to you. There’s this carefree feeling when he’s with her, an innocent kind of joy he experiences, and a warmth in his heart when she laughs or smiles or speaks to him.

He doesn’t want to scare you with how he’s gotten to be so attached to her, not wanting you to mistake his affection for her as just a means to get to you. He doesn’t want to trap you, but he also wishes you’d see how natural it’s been for the both of them, and especially the three of you, to enjoy each other’s company and be what outsiders think you to be - a family.

Because more than anything, any time you’re all together, he feels a sense of completeness he didn’t think he’d ever feel. Like somehow, there’s direction in his life. That he isn’t just living for himself and what makes him enjoy whatever moment he’s in, because now he desires for more of it, thinking of all the other ways he’ll have whatever it is for as long as he can. In this case, more of you and Heejin.

Jungkook was never a planner. He didn’t really value thinking far into the future that much. But with you and her, he feels he’ll get into it because he wants it - that future with both of you, that life of joy and love he feels when you’re all together. He knows now that he doesn’t ever want to be without it ever again.

He thinks about that once more as he waits for you and Heejin in his car for an afternoon at his apartment. The little sunshine has been wanting to go swimming for a while now, but it’s been too cold out to set up the inflatable pool at Namjoon’s backyard and you’d said you’re not keen on going to public pools just to appease her.

Jungkook suggested swimming at the one in his apartment building since it’s indoor. There’s a kids’ pool that Heejin would enjoy, and he thought it would be nice to make dinner to end the day.

You enter the vehicle with a seemingly excited little one in her adorable sun hat and shades.

“She insisted on wearing them,” you inform him. “And she was squealing again when I packed her bathing suit. And she had ice cream after lunch. She’s gonna be so full of energy, Jungkook. She’s probably gonna be so loud.”

“Hey, hey,” he chuckles at your already worried face. “I haven’t seen that many people swimming there lately; it’s gonna be fine. Also, so what if she’s loud? That’s why we’re taking her there, so she can enjoy herself.”

“Yeah, but you know how she gets, especially when she’s had sugar,” you say, right as she starts squealing out of nowhere. “Oh gosh, I shouldn’t have given her that ice cream. But she pouted at me and she looked too adorable and I couldn’t say no!”

“With that cute face, who could say no? But hey, it’s fine. I’ll charm anyone who’ll complain about her and give them cookies, I guess.”

“Fine,” you say. “But seriously though, she’s been waiting for this. She’s realizing her baby tub isn’t big enough for her to swim in so a pool might make her be attached.”

“Well, if she wants to swim every weekend, then why not? That would be nice,” he smirks.

You internally groan because when Jungkook suggested this days ago, you agreed too quickly and did not give yourself time to process what it would mean, mostly for you. Because Jungkook half-naked in a pool making your daughter happy is something that would be too much for you to handle. But you’re here now, on the way to his building wearing a bathing suit under your clothes, half nervous and half excited for today.

You pass by his apartment to pick up some snacks before heading to the pool, satisfied that aside from an elderly man doing laps and the lifeguard on duty, there’s no one else here. You place your things on two lounge chairs near the kids’ pool and immediately have to pacify Heejin who squeals at the sight.

“You ready to swim, Jinnie?” Jungkook kneels in front of her with a smile that’s just as excited as your daughter’s.

“Swim, Kookoo! I want to swim,” she says, then turns to you. “Mama, swim please,” she mumbles, her sweet smile on display as she knows now that you’re weak for it.

You nod then sit on the chair so you can remove her outer clothes. “Okay, bubba. But let me put on your gear first, okay?”

You put the vest over her head then her arms through the additional floaters, explaining to her that those will help her comfortably and safely swim. She hasn’t swam much so you’re quite worried that the devices won’t be enough, but you know she doesn’t like feeling too constricted so you needed her to wear something that would make her feel more free.

You repeatedly adjust and then check if you put them on properly until you feel Jungkook kneel next to you.

“Hey, I’ve got her, alright? I won’t let anything bad happen to her,” he assures you.

“Okay,” you smile. “I’ll go in later. I wanna take pictures and videos first.”

“Got it. I’ll try not to get in the way,” he says, his smug face telling you he probably won’t keep his word.

Taking Heejin’s hand, you lead her towards the pool while Jungkook undresses. You hear him unzip his hoodie and feel him shuffle behind you, using this time to prepare yourself before he stands before you half-naked and, well, it wasn’t really enough.

“Ready, sunshine?” He asks, but he stands there with his eyes quickly shifting to you.

You try to focus on his face, instructing him to just carry Heejin while he descends the stairs, and he cheekily smiles at you the whole time.

“Goodness, Jungkook, make sure you hold her the entire time and not show-off,” you frown at him.

“Hey, what do you think of me?” He chuckles. “Just so you know, it’s Heejin first, you second. I’ll show-off when we’re out of the water.”

“Why are you already so annoying?”

“Why are you not taking your eyes off my face?”

His cocked eyebrow makes you want to smack him because he knows how he’s affecting you. He’s now come to know the ways he can fluster you and he uses them to his advantage, like now, as you glance at his form in gray swim shorts and his bare upper body. You don’t have time nor the resolve to observe every inch of his skin, but his fully-tattooed arm catches your attention and that’s where your eyes linger.

“That too much?” He asks, prompting you to look at him again.

“No. It’s uh, nice. And also, I’m kind of a sucker for toned arms so please get in the water now before I stare at them longer,” you ramble, earning you a loud chuckle.

“That’s very nice to know, ___,” he says. “You’re free to stare at them for as long as you want. I’d love that, actually.”

“Okay, whatever,” you respond, nudging him towards the water because of the screaming little girl who’s growing impatient.

Jungkook follows, carrying Heejin then descending the stairs. She giggles once she feels the water up to her belly, and he secures her in his arms once they’ve made it down and he’s kneeling on the floor.

“You like that, sunshine? It feels good, doesn’t it?”

Heejin just responds in giggles and squeals, and with the acoustics of the indoor pool, her sounds echo throughout, and you’re truly glad neither of the two other individuals seem to care.

Jungkook speaks to her the entire time, asking how she’s liking it, teaching her how to kick, letting her splash water onto him then pouring some on her head, too. She follows most of his instructions but still chooses to do what she wants - like flailing her arms and squealing, climbing on his shoulders then jumping off of him, then hugging him for a bit of rest.

You watch from the ledge with your phone in hand, taking numerous photos and videos that you immediately send to your group chat with your family and best friends, all of whom comment on Heejin and Jungkook.

[the twin 2 🎷] How’s your heart? Has it betrayed you yet? 🤣

[the brat 😈] Why aren’t you in the pool?? Go get sum of that, sis 👅

[the twin 1 🌳] Wewww he’s got armsssss. Aren’t you a sucker for nice arms? Ur ded, good luck

[the queen mother 👑] Aww, honey. Heejin looks like she’s having so much fun! Let’s schedule a beach trip soon! 😍

[the best friend 1 👯‍♀️] Heejin is so adorable, babe! Also, look at how happy Jungkook is! He’s so whipped for her it’s too sweet 🥺

[the best friend 2 🧠] Yeah, and ___ is so whipped for him. We better get family pics like the last time ok! 👍🏽

You groan at their replies, but you also expected it. They had similar reactions when you mentioned coming over today and your chat group went off that you muted it for two days.

“Hey, you okay there? Fighting someone?” Jungkook asks as he lets Heejin lie on her back while he supports her.

“The chat’s a mess. I’m showing photos of Heejin but they’re mostly commenting about you.”

“Hope it’s good stuff,” he chuckles.

“Hmm, can’t tell.”

“Well, they’re probably wondering why you’re not with us,” he says. “Come, please. I’m sure Jinnie wants you here.”

You agree, knowing you were going to do it anyway. You walk towards the lounge chair and slowly remove the sweats and sweater you have on, choosing to turn away from the pool as you do. You make your way towards Jungkook and Heejin, with the former looking at you so fondly, something you don’t expect.

You’re not at your most confident with your one-piece bathing suit unlike when you’re in power suits, but even with having less clothes on - with just a bit of cleavage showing - you don’t feel uncomfortable around him.

Taking a dip, you feel the warm water soothe you, and you take your daughter in your arms, smiling as hers wrap around your neck.

“Mama! I like to swim,” she says, splashing the water that hits your face.

“I’m sure you do, bubba. We’ll do this more often, just ask Kookoo.”

Jungkook smiles, knowing already that this is going to be a staple date for the three of you. He wants to go on beach trips, too, maybe go to a resort and enjoy activities together, or maybe make snow angels and teach you and Heejin how to ski. There are so many things that Jungkook wants to experience with the both of you and the thought of it makes him giddy and weak in the knees.

The hour goes by with you and Jungkook just watching Heejin play in the water with the toys you brought. She likes to kick and splash but absolutely loves it when Jungkook supports her back as she floats, her eyes closed and her soft smile telling you that she’s absolutely enjoying herself.

You sit on the steps while Jungkook kneels, guiding Heejin to paddle towards your awaiting arms, then hugging her tightly when she makes it to you. It’s fun to be experiencing this with her, as her swimming time at Namjoon’s some months ago had you only guiding her from outside the pool. To be doing this with her is something you know she’ll remember, especially with Jungkook playing as her ship, the shark, and her human floater.

Jungkook sits next to you, his bare arm barely grazing yours, and plays with Heejin’s legs as she lies down on the pineapple floater he got her.

“Hey, ___. Can we have a photo of the three of us again?” He asks, like he does ever since you’ve started these family dates. Heejin doesn’t always stay still but in recent weeks, she’s been a lot more obedient when you ask her to smile.

“Of course,” you say, pulling your daughter close to you. “The group chat hasn’t shut up asking for it.”

Jungkook chuckles while you sit a frowning Heejin on your lap.

“Mama, pineapple!” She mumbles.

“Yes, bubba. You can still play with it, but is it okay if we have a photo with Kookoo?” You face her. “Like the ones we took before?”

She looks at you with furrowed brows and a tilt of her head, so Jungkook takes his phone and browses through his photos to show her.

You catch the albums he goes through - of memes he sends you, of dessert inspirations, his own creations, and then one labeled as “🌻.”

“Is that an album of us?” You ask.

“Uh, yeah,” he shyly answers, nibbling his lip ring again. “I put our photos here so it’s easier to find when I’m tired, you know? Or when I didn’t see you both that day, or when I’m… when I’m missing or thinking about you.”

You catch sight of the ones from the library and the beach, from the cafes and the park, from Alpaca World and the aquarium. There are those from your apartment, and the ones you send him like when you were in Hong Kong and during random, sometimes rainy, days when you’re also missing and thinking about him.

“That weird?” He asks, as he finds a photo to show Heejin.

“No. It’s sweet, actually. Mind sharing the album with me? There are a few I could maybe add,” you smile, meeting his soft eyes. “It’d be nice to have something when we’re missing you, too.”

“Sure,” he says, unable to hold his own grin.

You all look at the photo he’d chosen, the one from a dessert parlor where Heejin was so amused with the unicorn ice cream. You and Jungkook loved her reaction so you both kept taking pictures and he’d asked for one of all three of you and he happened to take candid ones where you all were laughing.

You remember that day, how he kept “accidentally” staining his face with ice cream to entertain Heejin. She wouldn’t stop giggling and you just adored how she sounded. You took baby wipes to clean Jungkook’s face, and you burned under his gaze as you did, your heart hammering in your chest the way it is now, as his hand trails from your shoulder to your waist to bring you closer.

“Bubba, can you smile, please?”

Heejin’s suddenly in the mood as she stands to pose, arms up like a little superstar while Jungkook takes the photo. She then turns to kiss you, which is also captured, and then turns to hug Jungkook, which he also takes.

“Thank you, Jinnie,” Jungkook chirps.

“You’re welcome, Kookoo!” She beams.

He shares you the album and you promptly send one of your complete photos to your chat group then mute it - you don’t want to deal with their teasing right now when you still feel the effects of being in this pool with Jungkook, trying hard not to gaze at his toned form and trace the art on his right arm.

You let Heejin lie on the floater a little more while you massage her feet as she requested, and it’s not long after when you decide to wash up and prepare her for her afternoon nap, given that she woke up early and expended so much energy in the past few hours.

Jungkook insists that you and Heejin shower at his apartment, which you agree to but you say you’ll both change first so you’re not dripping wet. Cheerfully exiting the shower room, you see Jungkook by the lounge chair, a towel over his shoulders, happily chatting with two women who sound so familiar, like the neighbors you’d heard the first time you were at his apartment.

You walk slowly, your smile gradually falling as you observe their body language - from the way they constantly glance at Jungkook’s bare chest to the distance between them that slowly decreases. Their giggles echo in the pool area, and you don’t miss how he seems to return the playful way they talk to him.

Not wanting to disturb their conversation, you quietly fix your things but Heejin, deciding otherwise, starts running towards Jungkook and wraps her arms around his legs.

“Hey, sunshine,” he says, carrying her in his arms. “You and your Mama good?”

“Kookoo! I want swim again,” she mumbles.

The two women coo at her and ask who she is, but you take her from Jungkook before he gets to say anything.

“Bubba, I still need to dry your hair. Come here.”

You do so as Jungkook says goodbye to the two women. You turn down his offer to carry your bags and make your way to the elevator, opting to talk to Heejin and not look at him the whole way up.

“You sure it’s okay for us to have our bath here?” You ask, your face still turned away from him.

“Of course! I’ll get you some towels,” he says, choosing not to think too much of your change in demeanor.

You thank him then make your way to the guest bathroom where you take your time to wash up. Jungkook said he’ll make dinner tonight, and not wanting the sight of those young women clearly flirting with him from earlier mess up your day together, you get over whatever bad feeling you have and ask him what he’s cooking.

“There’s this roasted pork belly I tried making so I’ll prepare that. And kimchi pancake and sides. I have a charcuterie board here, too. Those okay?”

“Yeah, sounds good,” you say.

You tuck Heejin in the guest bedroom at Jungkook’s insistence for her to sleep there, and then you make your way back to the kitchen where he’s preparing the ingredients.

On his kitchen counter, you see the cheese and cold cuts board next to a bottle of wine. There’s a card that says, thanks for all the help, looking forward to the next time ;) signed by names you’d heard him say earlier at the pool.

“These from your neighbors?” You ask while he preps the meat.

“Ah, yeah. They gave it to me this morning, said I should share it with Jimin and Hobi. Obviously not because I want to have them with you,” he smirks.

“What’s it for? Just nothing? And what help? What’s happening next time?”

You suddenly feel sick with how intrusive you’re sounding, something you don’t like because you’re not normally like this. But the sight from earlier and now this little gift causes a lump in your throat from some flashbacks that are quite unnerving, and somehow, Jungkook’s cheeky gaze isn’t helping.

“Ooh, so many questions. You jealous?” It’s that smug face that you usually take lightly and recently have been finding adorable. But not today.

“Are you trying to make me?” You say, your firm and slightly annoyed tone, an unfamiliar one.

“No, of course not,” Jungkook defends.

“Then answer the questions directly. If you don’t want to, then just say so. Why does it have to be me being jealous?”

“I was just teasing,” he says softly and a little displeased with himself, like he’s a child being reprimanded.

“I know, you do that a lot, even if it’s a sensitive topic. Like sure, tease about your flirty neighbors like I didn’t get cheated on with one, but it’s fun for you so go ahead.”

The lump in your throat comes out as words you say too quickly before you could filter them, and with a tone you use only when you’re irritated that Jungkook isn’t used to, you see his face fall.

He stands there seemingly not knowing what to do, as he turns away from your glare that’s equal parts frustrated and hurt. You’ve never seen him look so alarmed and powerless. Not even that afternoon in your apartment when you pushed him away after he kissed you could match this. And suddenly, all you want is to see that smirk and the scrunch of his nose, have him tease you until you’re smacking his arm playfully, until he finally says he’s just joking and that he just wanted to hear you laugh.

You don’t like this version of him, the one that looks demoralized and that feels like he’s slowly losing everything after all the work to get here just because you were being too sensitive.

“I’m sorry, that was… that was uncalled for,” you admit, walking towards him to try to get him to look at you. “I shouldn’t have questioned you like that. They gave you the package and you just received it and I guess I just got triggered because they were a little too comfortable with you earlier. It shouldn’t be an issue, we’re not–”

“Together, I know.”

Jungkook finishes the sentence, which again, you said too quickly without thinking. It’s not exactly what you meant to say, though you’re unsure why you even thought of saying it.

“We’re just dating. We spend time together, do all these things together. We go on dates but you don’t seem to want to hold my hand or hug me. It’s fine,” he sighs. “So yeah, no reason for you to be jealous, I guess. I’m sorry I teased about it.”

“So that’s what it means for you? Because I don’t give in to your need for affection, there's no reason to feel alarmed at your neighbors’ interest in you?” You say, being defensive.

“You’re literally the one who meant to say that we’re not together and that obviously implies a lot of things,” he sighs. “I don’t force you into anything because I want this so much and I don’t want to screw it up, but you’re being confusing and I’m not sure what you want from me right now.”

He sounds defeated and it’s something you’re not used to.

“I was out of line to tease you about that, I’m sorry. And if what I said about us just dating implied that all I want is physical affection from you, then I’m sorry about that, too,” he adds. “But you can’t go acting like it affected you, then say you shouldn’t be questioning me in the first place, and then be upset about what I said.”

He mirrors your questioning eyes and he groans. “Fuck, I’m not even making sense right now.”

The way your heart sinks to the ground tells you just how much a sad and upset Jungkook is one you don’t ever want to see, especially if it’s because of you. And all you want is to hold him - get rid of whatever’s holding you back from the affection you know he wants so badly to give and that you want to reciprocate - and just have him close to you.

But he speaks before you get to.

“Look, I don’t really know how to deal with things like this,” he admits. “I wanna cry but also cuss out and be angry but I also want to apologize and ask you to forgive me, but I’m not good with… this. And I don’t want to say something I’ll regret nor be the receiver of whatever you’re gonna say so, uh, I’ll just go for a walk outside, okay? I realized I need scallions and some appetizers because I don’t really feel like eating that anymore,” he says, taking the charcuterie board and throwing it in the trash.

“I won’t take long. I’ll get the pork in the oven after. Just get yourself comfortable and I’ll be back soon.”

He doesn’t wait for your response. He just heads out the door and leaves you in his apartment with a bigger lump in your throat and your crushed heart in your hands.

Jungkook gets back after two hours. In the silence of his apartment with nothing but Heejin’s soft breathing, you hear the front door open. You walk out the room and watch him with a bag of groceries and cans of beer that he puts in his fridge, perhaps his companions tonight after he takes you back home.

In the time that he was out, you laid next to your daughter and watched her sleep. Her puffy cheeks and parted little lips were the only things that made you smile. She looked so tired but you knew she had a lot of fun. She turned to her side and probably felt you near her, as her arm stretched out and found yours.

You caressed her face and gently kissed her nose, and the joy you felt when you have your whole word in your hand is unmatched. It’s like all the worst things could happen to you but then you see her and all of that fades away, and all of a sudden, everything is clear. All you need is her. And you know that at least for now, all she needs is you.

Aside from your family, the closest you get to feeling like that clarity is with Jungkook, because as you watched him walk out the door, you felt your heart break at hurting him again, feeling the parts of you that he glued together crack at his absence, at his disappointment, at his own defeat.

When he left you in that hospital room after you’d given birth to Heejin, there was a feeling of loss that you weren’t ready to admit, and you spent years after that trying to make sure it didn’t overwhelm you, that it didn’t make you doubt the decision that you made to walk away from him the first time and then to let him walk away from you after. Your resolve was so strong then, even when you saw him in Busan with another woman in his arms. And even all the times you saw him after; even recently.

You know you’re holding on to what little control you have left because deep down you know that he’s taken your heart, and giving someone the power to do whatever they want with it is absolutely terrifying. But that’s the thing, you think. You have to trust them that they won’t, and you’re still on that path to trusting Jungkook that he won’t hurt you, that he won’t do what Yun-seo did to you, that he’ll stay by your side no matter what.

“Hey,” you utter, standing beside the couch he’s sitting on, head lolled back and eyes closed as he massages his temples. “Cleared your mind yet?”

“Somewhat,” he says. “You?”

“Somewhat,” you manage a smile.

He returns a faint one and you hate this, but you also know this is on you. You sit next to him and he stays in place, barely angling himself towards you.

“So, uh, there’s a lot to say and unpack and I don’t know where to start,” you state.

“Just start somewhere.”

“Okay,” you huff, not used to this version of you, too. “I was just a bit uneasy with those women because they seem like your type of people. And they’re young. And they’re gorgeous, and pretty hot. And your neighbors.”

“And?”

“And… Well, it’s not that I think they’re better than me nor do I think I’m better than them but… I don’t know. Flashbacks of Yun-seo, I guess. And how I was too trusting then. And I don’t normally get jealous but just seeing them with you, it was a new feeling. And then they got you a package and I just went off without thinking of what I was saying and how it came across. I was being unfair and I’m sorry,” you ramble.

“They do those boards and grazing tables and stuff,” he says after a while. “They rush-ordered a cake for a party and I got it done and they got me something as a thank you and–”

“You don’t have to explain, Jungkook. And I don’t mean that in the way I seemed to imply earlier. I was being stupid.”

“No, you aren’t. And I’m explaining it to you because I want you to trust me. Even if you don’t trust the people around me, I need you to trust me. Because the last thing I want is for you to compare me to your ex-boyfriend because I would never, ever do that to you, ___,” he explains, turning his head to face you.

“And I get you being wary but it just hurts that you think I would do that. Even if you found out what he did after the fact, I know it affected you a lot but… If the reason why you’re taking your time with us is because you’re scared I’d do what he did to you, then let me know now, because I don’t think I’ve done anything to make you think I’d do that but at least I’d know what to do or not do so you would trust me.”

It’s a lot for him to say, mostly because Jungkook was never this serious with you. He’s been honest with his feelings, definitely, persistent and unyielding as if nothing you do would ever faze him, so hearing the hurt in his voice and seeing him be so vulnerable - as he covers his eyes with his arms - lets you know this took a lot for him to say, too.

“I’m sorry,” you mumble, trying hard not to cry. “I got ahead of myself and didn’t stop to think and I always do. I guess I just got scared, like it was deja vu because I was a stupid woman those years ago and I’m in the cusp of giving my heart to you and I just freaked out. And that’s on me. You’re not like him, Jungkook. I’m sorry I made you feel like you are.”

There’s a beat of silence that’s quite unnerving, but then he fully faces you and smiles, the widest he possibly can at a time like this.

“It’s okay. I forgive you,” he says, merely patting our hand. “I’m sorry, too. I guess I just wanted to feel good about myself, about us, and that was a distasteful joke. It won’t happen again.”

He’s rooted in the corner of the couch where he’s sitting, and you want his warmth, want him to know you’re sorry and that you forgive him with more than just your words.

“Also, about what you said, about not holding your hand or hugging you—”

“I said that in the heat of the moment,” he shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it. I don’t want to pressure you into anything.”

“I’m not exactly an affectionate person, unless it’s my family or my best friend,” you say, disregarding what he’d just said. “And I wasn’t always good with the intimate stuff or at least, I didn’t always do them. When it comes to things like that, I really take my time. Even more now when I don’t want to make a mistake with who I’m gonna be with. Physical affection means a lot to me in whatever form.”

“Jin, though? Didn’t you guys hook up all the time?”

“Not exactly. I mean, we’d make out and a little something more but not like, all the way. And that’s different.”

“How is that different from holding my hand? Or even kissing me that first time?” He frowns.

“Because it was never serious with Jin. We did stuff because we were frustrated - with work, at each other… it was to release negative emotions after fighting over a case and…” you explain, “it’s not the same with you, you know that. It’s so much more with you.”

You see Jungkook’s face soften a bit but he doesn’t say anything, and you know that a bit more vulnerability is what he needs.

“Byeol used to tease me a lot with Jin, you know?” You continue. “He and I have been friends for over a decade and we just always got along. It wasn’t until we started working together that the tension heightened, especially after my breakup and we just… yeah, like I said, it was just tension. But after you, Byeol realized why it never worked out with him. Because whatever line Jin and I crossed never scared me. What we had didn’t go any deeper than lust and we both knew that but you… I was scared of a lot of things. And it just seemed better to not have you there at all. It was better than the possibility of you leaving, of you not staying, of me falling for you and then losing you.”

“What about now? Are you still scared?”

“I’m a planner, Jungkook. A perfectionist. I’m always scared,” you chuckle. “That’s why I plan. And overthink. It’s maybe also why I got cheated on. But I don’t want to miss out on good things. And while whatever fear I have won’t ever really go away, it’s trust that matters, trust in you that you won’t make those fears come true.”

Jungkook manages a smile, and the relief you feel is overwhelming. It takes a lot for you to be this honest with him, or to anyone for that matter, especially when it comes to admitting things that you only really keep to yourself.

“Are you scared of anything?” You ask.

“You’re asking me? I’m a fearless guy, ___.”

His serious demeanor cracks almost immediately, and the sound of his laughter echoes in his living room.

“No, but seriously. I’m not really scared of a lot of things. I think that’s why it’s so easy for me to just do whatever, you know? Pour my heart into something or someone and then move on to the next whatever if things don’t work out,” he says. “But aside from microwaves and losing to Jimin in Mario Kart, I’m scared of losing you and Heejin. Like, I’m fucking terrified. So when you ghosted me for weeks those years ago, and even recently, I was losing my mind. And it became insanely clear just how much you both mean to me. And that’s why no matter your pace, I’ll follow. I’ll take whatever you can give me than nothing at all. Because you, Heejin, us… that’s what I want; I always have.”

You can’t stop the smile that graces your face at his words. And you know nothing you’ll say will ever be enough - to comfort him, affirm him, thank him, so you do what you know will work.

You turn over his hand that’s resting on his thigh then intertwine your fingers with his, filling the spaces to let him know that you’ll keep doing that for him - filling the cracks, filling what’s missing.

“Hmm,” he says, nibbling his lips to temper his smile. “This is nice.”

You thumb his hand, letting yourself get used to having him fill your spaces like this, too. But you want to say more, so you briefly let him go and wrap your arms around his torso, your head resting on his chest as you snuggle closer to him.

He’s warm and soft and the most comfortable thing you’ve ever had in your arms, aside from Heejin, of course. And he smells of baby powder and the rain outside. You can feel the strong body underneath that you spent hours ogling earlier, holding its breath. But Jungkook recovers, as he tightens his hold around you, a wholesome moan escaping his lips at the feel of you so close.

You lift your head to face him, a cheeky smile on your face this time as you kiss his cheeks, letting it linger for him to be able to process it. You feel him hold his breath again, and turning to face him once more, his wide eyes meet your playful ones.

“Okay, maybe a heads up next time? I may have implied we’re going a little slow but you didn’t have to do all that in succession, you know?”

His shocked face makes you chuckle, and you kiss him again just to tease.

“Gosh, Jungkook. It’s just a kiss on the cheek. Are you in 6th grade?”

“More like 2nd grade. I had my first kiss when I was like, 8 or something.”

“What?!” You giggle. “Some lover boy you are! Who was the lucky girl?”

“This fourth grader in my piano class. I guess I was always an older woman magnet or something,” he winks.

And there he is, your cheeky Jungkook, making you laugh and be all flustered again.

“Okay, back to 2nd grade then,” you say, kissing his cheek once more.

“Alright, other cheek now. And three times, too, yeah?”

“Yah! I make the rules,” you cock an eyebrow.

“Oh, right, okay the–” he says, eating his words as you kiss his right cheek multiple times.

“I’m serious about giving me a heads up, ___. I’m literally losing my shit right now.”

“You’re so dramatic!”

“Yeah, get used to it,” he says, tickling you as you continue to taunt him.

You squeal as you wiggle on his couch, especially as you lay on your back and he locks your lower body in his thighs. Ending up on top of you, his hands are around your wrist and his soft eyes turn desirous as he continues to gaze at you.

You see him eye your lips and you eye his, the tension suddenly increasing tenfold and you’re teetering on the edge again, but it’s the same moment that Heejin wakes up from her nap and starts calling for you.

“Well, duty calls,” you laugh, sitting up as Jungkook sighs and releases you from his hold.

“Go, she might be needing something,” he says. “I’ll prepare dinner.”

You nod and head to the room, briefly speaking to Heejin about her nap and then taking her in your arms. You carry her as you both watch Jungkook work around the kitchen, putting everything in pans then chucking them inside the oven.

He joins you on the couch soon after, with his one arm around you and his other arm holding Heejin who’s comfortably seated on his lap. You all watch the videos you took at the pool earlier, and watching Heejin laugh while she watches herself is your new favorite sound of hers.

You lean on Jungkook as he sings her a song, something she moves her body and adorably sings along to. It’s like they have their own world sometimes and they just get each other, especially as Jungkook talks to her about her sleep and she mumbles words, most of which you understand, her arms flailing as if to make a point.

“Yeah, that’s good, Jinnie. Nice talk,” he says, giving her a high five.

You share the moment in silence after just watching her bounce on Jungkook’s lap and mumble more words, the smile on both your faces getting softer by the minute.

He’s so smitten with her, and much as you want him to know that he won’t lose you, you want him to know that he won’t lose Heejin, too.

Knowing that she tends to follow you when you prompt her, you motion for her to look at you, and when she does, you move to kiss Jungkook on the cheek again, his eyes briefly closing at the feel of you.

Heejin smiles and does the same, falling forward on Jungkook’s chest, inching up to peck his cheek, too.

“Aww, Jinnie. Did you just give me a kiss?” He says tenderly. “That’s very sweet of you, sunshine. Can I give you one?”

She squeals his name as he caresses her cheek, then he moves forward and gently kisses her forehead.

“Following your Mama, huh? She’s a sneaky one, isn’t she?”

“Oh, shush. You enjoyed it,” you laugh.

“I did, very much,” he proudly smiles.

You settle there for a little while before Heejin slides off of Jungkook’s lap and runs towards the TV, tapping it before yelling that she wants to watch. You take her on the couch with you and put on some cartoons while Jungkook sets the table and puts out your dinner, with dumplings as appetizers this time.

You win over the argument of cleaning up the kitchen while he plays blocks with Heejin, who seems to not run out of energy, before finally heading back to your apartment.

Chuckling at a dozed off Heejin, you and Jungkook share in the sounds of the music softly playing in the car as you think about how today went. It felt so real, like you were playing with Jungkook and then proceeding to argue with him.

You won’t deny that it scared you how things were going to go - you tend to be defensive and quite hot-tempered when you get into arguments. And you feared that with Jungkook’s emotional tendencies, you were both going to clash. But you surprised yourself, keeping your cool for the most part and apologizing immediately, and he surprised you, too, calling you out without being dismissive nor rude.

It makes you think that life with him would be like this. You won’t always see eye-to-eye. You’ll have moments of misjudgment or miscommunication, but you realized today that it takes a certain person to make you check yourself when you’re in a situation that is threatening and anxiety-inducing for you, someone you care deeply about, someone like Jungkook. He’s that balance of telling you how he feels without meaning to hurt you, making sure you hear his side while trying to understand yours.

Your brother was right that respect and maturity is something taught, and with how your life is and how you are, you need that kind of person next to you.

You hold Jungkook’s hand for the rest of the drive, not saying much until you get home other than asking him to help you bathe a sleeping Heejin and then prepare her for bed. He does as you ask, setting up the tub inside the shower while you remove her clothes, then making sure she doesn’t wake up all the way until you’re putting on her pajamas.

It’s goodnight kisses from you and Jungkook and even this feels so domestic, so natural. And for the first time, you don’t feel scared.

“We’re okay, right?” You turn to him as you both exit the room. “I don’t wanna go to bed upset, or knowing that you are. I need to know that we’re fine.”

“Hey, I’m here with you. Of course we are,” he assures. “And I think we handled that pretty well. Don’t you?”

“Yeah, I think we did,” you smile. “I guess I was expecting more fireworks from me or even you but uh, I hated seeing you upset. Like, you aren’t Jungkook if you’re not laughing or annoying the heck out of me.”

“Well, I’m not all that. I was freaking out like, a whole lot. I always do that. I just don’t wanna show you because I don’t want you to think I’m this kid who doesn’t know what to do when shit hits the fan or something,” he says, his face falling a bit.

“You didn’t seem like that earlier, though.”

“I was close to it. That’s why I went for a walk. I was on the phone with my sister for an hour, actually. She was talking me through things.”

“Really?“ you ask, a little surprised because he seemed like he was holding his own earlier.

“Yeah. Every time I’d feel nervous or scared or upset when it comes to you, I always talk to someone, usually Hobi or Jimin or even Dea. I told you, I’m not good with confrontations and stuff like that,” he huffs. “I’m persistent but I was always afraid I’d scare you off or push you away and they had to ground me, call me out, tell me when I’m being too much, stop me from waiting outside your office when you weren’t talking to me and I hate that I even considered that, but yeah.”

He looks at you with wide, nervous eyes, and if earlier you’d seen pain, this time you see worry.

“Since I told my sister about us, I’ve started to talk to her, too. And I knew she’d calm me down and she did. She’s a weird ass sometimes but she knows me the most. She really helped me today,” he continues.

“I’m sorry again. I… I get confrontational and sensitive sometimes,” you say.

“It’s okay, we all do. I’ve just never really had those moments in my past relationships, you know? So I didn’t really know what to do.”

“Yeah? Never fought with any of the exes?”

“Not really. Everything was too simple and easy, but that’s not to say that it isn’t with you,” he clarifies as your brows start to furrow. “I mean, it was just all fun. There weren’t fights because there wasn’t much to fight for, I guess. Emotions heighten when things mean a lot to you, so yeah. I’m sorry, too, again.”

Nibbling on his lip ring and looking at the ground with his hands in his pocket, Jungkook’s boyish charms shine through. He surprises you a lot, and you like that he makes you feel that way, like you can feel all kinds of emotions with him and you’re assured, at the end of the day, that he just wants things to work out.

And you know that’s the kind of partner you want, that you need, that you’ll go through lengths to fight with and for because he’s worth it. You know that now.

You wrap your arms around him to say all the words that you can’t. For a lawyer, there are some things you can’t articulate, and that’s the care that you have for him, the fear of losing him, the affection that you hope to one day show him.

His hold around you tightens, and it’s like he just knows.

“It’s not gonna be easy, it hasn’t been,” he whispers. “But that’s how I knew I wanted you for real. Because when things got hard, all I wanted was to be next to you. And I think I’m gonna want that for a long time.”

You let out a long breath, because for all the flowery words he’d said that you knew he still means, these ones somehow hit home.

You don’t say it back, you just hug him tighter, too, and it’s all he needs.

You’re all the seasons, all the stars in the sky; you’re all the promises he’ll keep, all the fights he’ll have, all the still days and hurricanes he’ll weather. It’s all you and Heejin in his world, and he can’t wait for the day he gets to be all those for you, too. That he gets to be the one you choose everyday, if possible. That he gets to be the lucky person whom you learn to love.

Series Masterlist

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#jungkook fic #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #jungkook smut #jungkook x reader #jungkook fanfic #jungkook x you #jungkook fanfiction #bts jungkook #jungkook series #single mom oc #pastry chef jk #series #asdoah

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eomma-jpeg · 9 months

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Heyyyyfor the writer ask! 20, 32 (not me please I want to hear about other cool writers!!), 58, 66, 73, and 75 for itm have a good one!!!<33333

squid !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

20. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

I gotta brainstorm this

I used to use the word ‘jarring’ all the time because I say that in real life LOL

I think when it comes to writing and more dynamic themes, i think the main thing i try to emulate in my writing is that you know whats going on in the scene. I want to make sure that the reader knows the layout and how every person is interacting with each other. I try and go back over my writing over and over again to make sure it is understandable

I think a newer theme is emotions ? i focused so much on physical descriptions in my older works that it wasn’t,,,, fun? To read my stuff. So with my newer works i tried to experiment with more complex emotions, especially the physical repercussions of the emotions lol

32. Name three of your favorite fanfic writers.

Squid said i cant say her T-T

SmutWithPlot on FF.net is an author who’s style inspires me SO MUCH. Their description style and flow is something I aspire to have. tension is so good….. (they’re also on ao3)

I’ve said this before but @eilwen is SUCH an incredible writer. No Reason is a fic that I cry whenever i see that its been updated. Their style is so poetic and detailed and i lovelovelove the story and world building its so incredible.

Kuwakun or @tomboyyyaoi here on tumblr has the most beautiful like,,, poetic style of writing… i want to try my hand at poetry style writing one of these days. I have such a literal and straightforward writing style that i would need to practice if I wanted to write the beautiful imagery that they have in their works…. (I sincerely believe they are one of the only people that really understand trimax vashmeryl)

58. What part of the writing process do you enjoy the most? (Brainstorming, outlining, writing, editing, etc)

Hmmmm

I think outlining and editing are tied in my mind. I LOVE creating the story, and that happens when i outline. I see it all in my mind and can normally get it down on the page okay, but the story really comes to life when i outline, and then it is reborn when i edit lol

I love going back over my work and editing. It helps me realize what isn’t flowing well, what words were strange to use, what sentences just make absolutely no sense because my brain was moving so fast that i forgot half of the words lol. But I love editing in general…. Its so fun.

66. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie. pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc.)?

So far i haven’t faced a lot, which has been nice. I think what helps is that I do this because I like to. I love sharing it with people and knowing that others really enjoy the story,,, but its really a selfish act LOL

If i get negative comments,,, those fly over my head. The positive ones far outweigh the negative ones (although, i havent gotten any ! which is so nice lolol)

Updating and deadlines,,,, i set those myself ? so like,,, if they need to be moved or adjusted i can just do that

And you can too ! please work at your own pace. Don’t feel burdened by those who read or consume your creations, I am certain most if not all are patient and willing to wait however long it takes for you to feel like its good enough to share

73. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

Hmmmmmm im gonna be a brat about this and say I write stuff that flows well. Funfact about lace, this is because I have written so many history papers, and those need to flow well in order to make sense. I go back over my works countless times to make sure everything is coming across well and that the audience knows whats going on. Is it perfect? No. I went back and reread chapter 1 of in the meadow recently and immediately wanted to start fixing lolol (i might do that 👀)

I would say it helps that I know grammar lolol,,,, i try to not put dialogue for different people in the same paragraph or do run on sentences,,, but I am certainly guilty of using the same adjectives over and over or putting too many commas in one sentence lol

75. What scene in in the meadow took the longest to write? What was difficult about it?

Okay,,, there have been a few parts where i had to pause and take a moment before i actually got my thoughts down

The first was the fight between Milly and Knives about Wolfwood. I had planned that scene so early on,,, but I … i couldn’t figure out each character’s motivation for SO LONG. it took me forever to find why Milly would even put up with him when he was the one to kill WW but also Milly wouldn’t hold a grudge like that and yakjdlkfjsdlj it took so long and i went over it a billion times to fix it and change it ugh

Another one that was sillier was in the latest chapter (28) I was having the hardest time planning out the silly conversation with the sisters. It literally made me stop writing for like a week T-T I couldn’t figure out how to make the conversation flow or how to make Vash seem like a sleaze while not a huge sleaze or for the ladies to tease Meryl UGH

I still don’t think its good but it was the best i could get it

I also avoided writing the final chapter for a minute cuz i didn’t want it to be over,,, then i wrote the whole thing in one day lol (squid knows lol)

#asks #in the meadow #trigun #okay fixed some hyperlinks

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enochscribbles · 5 months

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Can I have a honkai star rail matchup please

Gender: cis female

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: heterosexual ally

Zodiac: Capricorn

Appearance: 5’2 African American hourglass body (although I’m more top heavy if you know what i mean) black curly wavy hair blackish brown eyes chubby cheeks wears glasses sometimes (im far sighted so it’s usually when driving in class or at the theater)

Mbti: infj

Enneagram: 2w1

Personality: kind smart funny motherly responsible empathetic anxious emotional moody perfectionist helpful people pleaser caring compassionate nerdy curious protective polite respectful indecisive fearful nervous introvert shy awkward clumsy low self esteem low confidence (more pertaining to my talents or personality then my looks) sassy sarcastic (I’m mainly these things with people i feel comfortable with like friends or family) soft spoken cute (my friends think im cute because i can be pretty innocent plus I’m small physically)

Likes: animals books reading writing fantasy magic sci fi anime music video games friends alone time learning personality quizzes sweets and bread helping being a part of something bigger than myself

Dislikes: spiders loud sounds people who harm others people who don’t take others into consideration (like make insensitive jokes or don’t consider the comfort of others or are mean just cause they can) people i care about not caring for themselves (im a hypocrite on this i take care of everyone else but not me) not being listened to weird holes and patterns math and tests (I’m being tested for a math disability and i have test anxiety)

Love language:

Giving: acts of service gift giving and physical affection (if they’re ok with it)

Receiving: words of affirmation and physical affection (although i can be shy about it)

Extra: i pace a lot i sing when im alone i talk to myself im a picky eater (mainly with textures) i have a cat i have minor ehlers danalos (a hyper mobility disorder) but it doesn’t hurt me like it does my sisters i get abdominal migraines which is basically like a migraine but instead of headaches it’s nausea

Thank you

Hello! Thank you for the request. first matchup so I hope this is ok. I’ll assume this is a romantic matchup but it can be read either way (I’m really sorry if it’s not perfect as I’m not as up-to-date with HSR, but I’ve done my best ;w;)

I pretty much listed everything that came to mind for this one, so matchups following this one may not be as long, apologies

I’d match you with Gepard Landau!

Okay, so, first, Gepard is very stubborn, as a deeply loyal person

Protecting others is his top priority, his path is Preservation, so there’s no question of whether he takes other people into consideration or not

And he’s a very kind-hearted person, so I think you’d get along

Despite how it may seem, he’s quite empathetic himself and would definitely appreciate how compassionate you are, having a lot of respect for how you care about and help others

So you'd share how you see a lot of things

Gepard’s also used to a sassy and sarcastic personality from his sister, Serval (who’s also a good platonic match, I think), so conversation with him would be fun and lively especially if Serval joined it

It’s amazing to him how you’re able to create worlds out of text, and your liking books, music and such might spark an interest for him in those things, too (he'd be nice to talk to about whatever media you're into because he pays so much attention and tries to learn about it in his downtime so he can talk about it with you)

He also absolutely understands the feeling of being a part of something bigger than yourself with his role in the Silvermane Guards and the protection of the entire city

And he’d find you really nice to be around, being soft-spoken

You might have a bit of trouble with him putting the safety of others over his own and coming back injured (or getting wounded if you join him in the fray), but really, he’s very reasonable and would make sure everyone, including himself, was safe and healthy

And he would do the same thing right back to you, fussing over whether you’re looking after yourself, of course.

He also finds himself singing or humming Serval’s songs to himself (though he’s a little out of tune) and would find your singing lovely if you wanted to share it with him

As a final note, he’d be really supportive of you and reassure you if you were anxious in any way, not only is he good at boosting morale as a guard but for his friends and partner, he’d be able to genuinely tell you everything that’s amazing about you, and say you’re stronger than you think

(also the Landau siblings’ names are all big cat themed, which leads me to believe,, surprisingly has an affinity with ur cat lol. that’s all)

being a tank is all about love a gepard textpost i feel is relevant

#matchup #honkai star rail #writing requests

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engagemythrusters · 8 months

Text

okay. ahsoka ep 3.

i already know jacen is in this bc i got SPOILED but let me tell you im gonna still be shocked anyway skldjflkd

k here we go

These introductions are pointless. Like we saw the last ep last week. If we forgot we can just look it up.

OH WOW she’s hot

“Not bad but not good” WOW HUYANG. Oh wow this guys comin for Sabines whole LIFE here damn

Um ig Ahsoka forgot that Mandalorians can hold their own against jedi just damn fine? Sabine once beat KANAN

Ahsoka: okay time to pretend to be Kanan

UH OKAY. UM. “I can’t see how am I supposed to fight” WAS A STUPID LINE TO GIVE TO SABINE WREN, THE WOMAN RAISED BY KANAN JARRUS, A NOTABLE BLIND JEDI

God can you imagine being stupid enough to give that line to her? Did filoni or Favreau write that line? Sounds on par with how idiotic those two dipshits are. Like that is so stupid. Who is that STUPID.

That’s like an anti-Kanan reference. That’s fucking Kanan retconning.

God I’m so MAD.

Honest to god I’m kinda glad this is only 30 mins long this time. I’m fucjing mad.

She fights like Sabine though. I love this actress for her. She’s doing Sabine so well. Thank you <3

Nyooooom

is mON MOT—SHE IS

Hooray chancellor mothma

JACEN!!!!!

I mean in name only so far but still. My lil snow pea boy

“Causing trouble with chopper” I’m so glad that droid is giving the galaxy hell with multiple generations of syndullas. Here’s to chopper outliving us all

HEY SHUT UP ABOUT HRR FINDING HER SON

She should be allowed to find her son the war hero at any costs

GET HIS ASS

“People who were like family to me” okay uh so that’s a workaround for saying Kanan? But Kanan wasn’t even killed by

JACEN

“Aunt” WHAT

She’s his SISTER

He looks a little like Kanan would have looked. AND NOTHING LIKE HERA (enter usual rant about PISS POOR CHARACTER DESIGN)

Also like. He wants to be a jedi 😭

LIKE HIS FATHER BEFORE HIM 😭

God that look. She’s thinking of Kanan 😭😭😭

“Everyone could be a jedi” is the STUPIDEST TAKE

God i hate this fucking show

And I fucking hate filoni and Favreau so. Fuckingn. Much.

Huyang does NOT like Sabine

And he’s right about jedi and force wielders

She’s so cute I love u Sabeeen <3

T-6 shuttle shot

I love u T-6 shuttles

Wow those are fuckin… old ass ships. Clone war era.

I mean T-6 is even older but I love it so. I do not care.

Also hang on rewind a sec to the “few mandalorians have ever been jedi” okay how do you KNOW that. The two of you have been at odds so much for so long that I’m sure millions went by unnoticed by the jedi

Downgraded from Spheres In Space to fucking Circle In Space 🙄

I love Huyang he’s a bitch

Oh T-6 shuttle they’re really in it now

Oop floaty in space

Huyang out for the count again xoxo

Shin Hati is such a little shit and I ADORE her

She space-suited up in 3 seconds or some shit. God I hate sci fi.

Get yourself ahsoka you’re the dumbass who chose to stand outside

Shin Hati 👁 👁 fr

God

P U R R G I L

Ezra are u there?! 😭😭😭😭

okay after the initial AAAA umm yeah I’m thoroughly disappointed

The purrgil looked so BEAUTIFUL in design and colour and pattern in Rebels… only to be Giant Grey Things in this show?

God I fucking HATE this show.

Anyway half this episode is literally just space fighting. That’s so stupid.

I do like tbis planet. It’s dull and drab like everything else this show has done BUT at least the aesthetic of this one is meant to be dark and drab and dull

Anyway can they go back and follow the fucking purrgil yet

Mr Inquisitor I kind of hope you’re someone cool we already know. That’s a cool trope that I want to see in canon. If not that’s okay I want a cool inquisitor anyway.

So they’re meant to pick up thrawns ship? Like the way Jedi ships used to—

The way DT says purrgil has shocked me to near silence

That’s so funny it’s great and hard in his voice

So yeah that was stupid and awful and it’s good that was only 30 mins of disappointment rather than fucking 50 or whatever

Still love the vibes of this outtro tho. Wish the rest of the show was this cool.

now we just need -rex - ezra - direct kanan mention (like NAMED)

#star wars: ahsoka #spoilers #god am I so displeased with this show.

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quirkthieves · 6 months

Note

Will you kill me if I ask you to do all of the bulletpoints in IN-DEPTH HEADCANON QUESTIONS for Hii. I need to know everything about my wife at the earliest convenience

how does your muse get local news and updates on current events? are they up to date with all the latest goings-on or do they prefer to avoid it altogether?

I think Hinata probably spends a lot of time casually browsing her phone or watching TV, but I wouldn't say she's super "in the know". A lot of it is stuff that requires more than 30 seconds of attention, too, so she's prone to brushing it off as unimportant or boring.

did your muse grow up with any particular television shows? do they have a favorite, or a memory tied to these shows?

Kemono Jihen takes place in 2016, so... we can reverse engineer her childhood shows as coming from the early 2000s...

I think she would've REALLY liked Inuyasha. She loves historical dramas, romance, action, and it involves yokai-- the perfect blend of attention grabbers for a little girl who liked being cool.

how much effort does your muse put into their costume for halloween parties and other dress-up events? do they have any go-to costumes?

She doesn't really go to parties, on account of the leech. That being said, given the opportunity, Hinata's more the type to be vaguely-thematic and hot than a full on costume.

does your muse stay up to date with the latest fashion trends? describe their style. where do they typically buy their clothes?

She does! Hinata enjoys fashion and keeping up with trends a lot, and as described by Aimoto, she leans more on the "punk/rocker" end of the spectrum. Heavy leather influence. I don't think she'd buy from shops that are on the "mall goth/baby bat" end of the spectrum like Hot Topic, though. There's also definitely some sporty influence; im sure her casual clothing contains plenty of athleisure.

who was their first celebrity crush?

...Inuyasha, naturally

what would your muse's bio say if they were on a dating app?

name, age, and probably something like "can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen"

what kind of phone does your muse have, and how customized is it? does it have a basic case or something more unique? is the screen cracked? do they have a popsocket or other accessories on it?

probably a two or three year old smartphone. Definitely cracked screen, but she probably replaces the case when it gets scuffed. The phone case has a pattern like a yakuza tattoo, and a broken loop for a charm.

smartphones and other tech along those lines can be pretty sensitive to heat, so I have a feeling she has to replace it more than most.

who was the one family member your muse always looked up to, if any?

Hinata is the second youngest of 5. Her eldest sister was the coolest person in the world to her, and she emulated a lot of her rough-and-tumble attitude. Although, like with the rest of her family, they no longer speak.

if your muse drives a car, have they personalized it in any way (bumper stickers, things hanging from the rearview mirror, etc.)?

...Can I say she has a motorcycle? The saddlebags are just as leather and studded as the rest of her. Somewhere, there's a bumper sticker that's been worn off over the years, that used to read something not braking for pedestrians.

if given a choice between having a night in or spending the night out on the town, which would they most likely choose and why?

A night in. A night out means making sure Robara behaves, which is just stressful.

In her post canon, she's a bit of a homebody, just due to circumstance.

what are your muse's favorite scents, and what do they associate them with?

Leather, charcoal, and whatever the fuck the inside of an ULTA smells like. You know the smell, though. Makeup fragrances.

I don't think she likes many organic smells, though.

what kind of shopper is your muse? are they a slow, methodical shopper, a list-maker, or a grab the items and go kind of person? how long do they usually spend getting their groceries? how long do they spend clothes shopping? do they use changing rooms?

Grab shit and GOOOOOOOOOO she has an awful habit of just throwing shit in the cart, or if she doesn't want it, sticking it on the nearest shelf. Cuts in line. Haggles with coupons. Leaves the changing room a disaster.

if something bad happens, who will your muse call first?

what social cause is your muse most passionate about and why?

Hinata doesn't.... really care about society outside of the personal goals she has. Social causes are pretty meaningless drivel to her. That being said, she's passionate about the treatment of children, so... that? Don't ask her about theory, she doesn't know. What she knows is she'll kick your ass.

if your muse was made into an action figure, what would their five catchphrases be?

"I'll be a demon or the devil!"

"Suck in those balls!"

"Fightin's what I'm made for!"

"Whether vegetables or people, with an expert, people say you can line the cuts back up like it never happened."

"It's crunch time!"

what are your muse's biggest fears, and what caused them?

Hinata is terrified of losing those closest to her, a fear cultivated by Robara's constant threats towards anyone who got close-- and the perceived inability he had to take care of himself, putting his and others' lives in her hands.

She's also terrified of getting pregnant and giving birth to a "monster". She believes that no matter what, she's somehow become "tainted" and any child she has will turn out like him.

what's the one thing your muse constantly does and wishes they could stop doing?

Hinata's got an awful habit of breaking shit when she's mad, and that's really not conducive to owning things, typically. Phones and TV's can be expensive! And she's mad quite often.

does your muse know how to fight? describe their fighting style. if someone was threatening them and about to attack, how would they respond?

Fighting's what she's made for, right?

Hinata is a powerful combatant, both barehanded and with a weapon. She doesn't play defensively, and her onslaught is only made more dangerous by the flames she wields. If you fuck around, you will find out when you get football tackled to the ground and have your face rearranged in a non-euclidean manner.

Her haste and irritability isn't the same kind of weakness it is for Kaede-- Hinata clearly can be a discerning combatant and is willing to levy strategy to her advantage. It's just that there's a reason so many big predators relentlessly pursue and wear down their prey.

will your muse eat at fast food restaurants? if they're on a time crunch, what type of food will they grab?

She's not opposed to fast food at all! In fact, working for Inari and being on their own so early has made Hinata and Robara quite used to grabbing a quick bite. Hinata prefers things that are high in protein and can easily be eaten with one hand, so things like burgers are pretty set for her food choices.

did your muse's parents pass down any quirks or habits that your muse now does? what are they?

Believe it or not, but Hinata is a strong proponent of telling people to eat their veggies. And she doesn't eat until everyone else does, because her parents only ate after the kids did.

While not from her parents, Hinata's swaggy walk is the result of falling in with some yakuza after leaving home.

does you muse like road trips, or would they prefer to fly in a plane?

Plane, 100%. Longer trips that you can't just sleep off? No way! Plus, driving sucks.

what are their thoughts on roadside attractions and tourist traps? when visiting new cities, do they prefer to see the most popular sites, or pretend to be a local and blend in?

Hinata is the type to do the most popular sites, if only because she wants to appear like a normal couple and do normal couple things, which means buying in to the illusion of popularity as far as activities go. Again, though, her attention span is short and her patience is shorter, and even when Robara isn't a worry, her manners are just godawful and prone to getting her kicked out.

what does your muse's bedroom look like? is it cluttered or clean? do they use the overhead lighting, or use lamps and other things to provide a better ambience? do they make their bed every morning or leave it unmade?

Hinata's bedroom is surprisingly well-decorated, with lots of trendy and thematic elements-- but it's usually in a state of disarray, since she's not the type to get too hung up on organizing things. Not always messy, though. The cleaning tends to be a cycle of missing a few days, doing it all in one big burst, etc, etc. She's not the type to let anything become particularly unsanitary conditions-wise.

The bed gets made, but she complains the whole time about how pointless it is.

is your muse a 'this is a really nice box, i should save it' kind of person, or do they tend to throw things out no matter what?

It's pretty evenly 50/50. Being on her own instilled a bit of resourcefulness, but once things start getting cluttered, Hinata's the type to chuck things out with reckless abandon, regardless of if they've actually been kinda useful.

#give me the life of my dreams++ ;hinata hc

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daemondaes · 2 years

Text

𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐍𝐄𝐑 !

knowing your writing partners can make writing together a lot easier . repost , DON’T reblog .

NAME: Che (Shay, like Chevrolet, Chevalier, chez)

PRONOUNS: she / they, but i don’t care much

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION: discord! tumblr IM is a chore, but i put up with it

NAME OF MUSE(S): Charity Ciapetti, who goes by Cherry Martini. Una Victoria Genevieve Naux, who keeps it to her surname. Elipo Piran paz Lagojir, who has been rechristened Ciel Lavoie. Dr. Hansel Hugo. do you see a pattern here?

EXPERIENCE / HOW LONG: on tumblr alone, 10 or 11 years...my first rps here were on my personal blog and i had no idea there was even a rpc. including history off-tumblr, my first rp was around 20 years ago. it’s kind of a funny story...

BEST EXPERIENCE: most definitely the friends i’ve made who have actually stayed...the people who challenge me creatively and help me grow as a writer.

RP PET PEEVES: does purple prose count? maybe the emphasis on graphics, considering i consider myself more competent in drawing than photoshopping. i’d say specifically words like “ravenette” but i haven’t seen them in a long time.

MUSE PREFERENCES FOR ANGST / FLUFF / SMUT: i can do all of them, but smut threads might not last long unless we’re really down and dirty into the mental/emotional aspect. otherwise, it’s sort of just the same old in-out. if i’m not in the right frame of mind, angst might take a while for me to respond to because i am totally not prepared to start tearing up over our muses LOL fluff is fluff. good in moderation, but but not much substance. i think a mix of everything is best? it’s been eons since i’ve had the opportunity to write a good adventure thread and i think that is a crime. there’s a lot of fun to be had in action/adventure, but i think you have to write it with the right person.

PLOTS OR MEMES: i love both, but sometimes, at the beginning, the best thing to do is to throw a meme at me so that we have a convenient way to test the waters between our muses. sometimes what you talk about OOC doesn’t end up playing out quite right IC, and it’s not ideal to box your muse in to suit a dynamic that isn’t what you signed up for. some of my best threads have started with memes and very little OOC communication, but i am a fiend for some deep plotting as well... 🤔 really, it depends on the muse and the mun!

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: i’m pretty flexible with length, though sometimes my replies can get lengthy when i get too excited. one-liners never stay one-liners for long. on the flip side, i really try to match length, so sometimes a novella can burn me out if my reply comes to its natural conclusion with a disparity in word count...i end up slaving over it to “pad” it out, even if it just means adding in descriptions of their surroundings!

BEST TIME TO WRITE: evenings. nights. usually. my shifts are variable, but i work better when i don’t have to worry about interruptions or distractions, so it’s usually after the house is asleep. what night is for me may not be night for you unless you’re also in PST/PDT. i think PST is behind most of the world? when i’m cozying in at 11pm, it’s already 7am for those of you in the uk LOL then again, sometimes i compose replies in my head while on the clock, so. a lot of these answers don’t tell much, do they?

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE: for that, we’d have to narrow this down to a single muse...though i’ll say in general that most writers have at least one thing in common with their characters, even if subtle. sometimes, when i’ve been writing a certain character for a long time, i’m not sure if they’re becoming more like me or me more like them. they definitely get me out of my comfort zone, and that’s always good.

tagged: S T O L E N tagging: you, who’s made it to the end (:

#THE GREAT GARBAGIO — che:ooc.#it's still munday here

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vtori73 · 2 months

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Hmmm... I'm... I'm really bad at talking with people. Like I can do casual, but that's... really it. I don't know how to talk to people otherwise, I want to make friends with others but it just doesn't work out.m because I just can't. I mean, I guess it also just kind of seems like the people who I want to or would like to be friends with don't want to ever really be my friends and random people who do want to be friends aren't people I want to stay friends with after getting to know them. I mean, that is not necessarily true though, it was more so the fact that I just felt like they kind of got tired of me or more correctly I got insecure and felt like they didn't really care for as much anymore or I wasn't much of a factor in their lives and me noping out wouldn't matter especially since we didn't really know each other for that long.

I know, I'm still in the wrong, I gh0sted them basically and I'm not trying to defend it but I just find it hard to think it was that big of a deal. I get it for people you've known for years but someone you've barely just started knowing shouldn't be like a big deal, while you can still believe it sucks (& it does) I don't think people you barely know have to explain themselves to you and such especially if there isn't really much to explain. Literally I just didn't see these relationships going anywhere so I'm not saying it was okay but it also wasn't the worst most evil thing in the world because again, I didn't know these people that much and they were the ones who came to me first so I gave them a chance and let them in, honestly some would say it would have been ruder of me if I had just been honest about not wanting to be friends anymore.

But this is also a pattern with me I've noticed but moreso out of genuine low-confidence and anxiety I have for interacting with others. I try to make sure I word everything right and reread what I wrote to make sure I don't accidently write something that could be interpreted wrong, I avoid using emojis because they can specific meanings that I just not aware of because I just take them at face value or if I do use them I try to use the most common/neutral/known ones in person I just try not to talk or say too much in fear of saying something stupid or weird and i dont want to weird people out and when I do talk and actually talk about something a bit more important or anxiety inducing I tend to shake (tremor) or use to I'm not sure if that still happens since im more able to share opinions more often now but its probably still there just situational. If I leave a comment and I don't get a reaction soon enough I start to freak out that I said or did something wrong so I end up deleting it to get rid of the trail, to make up for it or hide it before it can be seen in case I did write out something weird.

I know how I never really had a normal relationship, friendships included because when I had the most friends in my life, which was highschool, I was a big people pleaser and went out of my way to try and be liked and to keep the friends I had. Nothing really horrible but one example I can actually remember is that despite the fact that we went quite a few times to the movies together I was never actually... asked for my opinion on what movie to watch it was always decided, and I never thought much of it till later after these friendships started dissolving. I was also the one that put in the most effort but barely got any back, again nothing horrible but not great either. I noticed how once I did start trying to voice my actual opinions and such I got less and less interactions from others because something I probably always knew deep down that was confined for me was that I wasn't mostly tolerated because I was easy to be around and deal with and once I wasn't I wasn't really worth the hassle anymore.

Maybe I'm misremembering though, maybe I'm being rough on those old friends but that's what it seemed like to me. It's probably also why I do find myself noping out of these new relationships, because i worry or notice they are drifting away and I don't want to give them the chance to gh0st me so I leave instead. Some of them though I don't regret after finding out about specific opinions they hold. I find myself sort of glad though that I did, glad I left instead of put up with people with opinions I can't stand personally just for the sake of not being alone.

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moririki · 3 years

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⤷ MORE THAN YOU'D BARGAIN FOR

DENJI X READER -> 1.7K when it comes to a fool blinded by love, it sure hurts to have the short end of the stick

REQUEST -> ✰ CONTAINS -> angst, friends with benefits‼️, happy ending bc i'm weak like that, denji not knowing how to process emotions, very loose college!au cos i'm lazy, makima being slightly antagonised because fuck her, mentions of sex but nothing super explicit i don't think MORI'S THOUGHTS -> thinking about denji's hands. i want to learn how to animate manga panels now so i can do a csm edit. also the writing style got kinda boring im SORRY

HEARTBREAK WAS ALWAYS BOUND TO HAPPEN IN THESE SORT OF RELATIONSHIPS. anyone with a pair of eyes and ears could give a clear answer to the question "who does denji like?" and no matter how much you wanted that answer to change, it would never be you.

even when the blonde boy had been so insistent on his heart belonging to another, he still had urges. so under the influence of one too many bottles of alcohol, it was a fairly easy decision for both of you to fall into bed together. more than once. more than you'd care to admit.

being with denji was nice. he was funny, sweet at times and vulgar during the others, and you found yourself repeating a mantra of don't catch feelings for your friend during your time together. and truth be told, it was hard not to, even when you and denji had finished your business and the topic of conversation always seemed to make its way back to makima.

it left a bitter taste in your mouth when denji acted like nothing had happened between the pair of you in other settings. the bitterness turned sour when you realised that there was no reason for him to have to either, and you cursed yourself when you realised you had done the worst thing possible and gone and fallen for your friend who so clearly wouldn't like you back.

but there were times where you thought that you just might have a chance.

even though your cursed your heart for fluttering and rearing its head each time so willingly at denji's mercy, you couldn't help but take every offhand action of his as a ray of hope. with the way his hands engulfed yours to anchor himself as he thrusted into you, the way his lips left urgent kisses on your lips as you panted beneath him, the way he whispered sweet nothings into your ear as you cried out in ecstasy.

and even when you were lying next to each other in his bed, catching your breath. you would turn to look at his face sometimes, only to see him staring at you already with a look in his eyes that could only be described as wistful. but you were a fool to think that you could ever upseat makima in denji's eyes.

false hope could only get you so far.

with his breath tickling the back of your neck and his large hand rubbing patterns into your hip, this false hope really had gotten you somewhere. but all good things must come to an end. words that you dreaded to say weighed heavy on your tongue, but you dragged yourself along, lifting them just enough to feel them escape your lips before you could really stop them.

"denji, what are we?"

you felt the hand that rested on you go still, and the arm that was poised as a pillow for you went rigid. hell, the boy that was holding you so close to his chest had practically stopped breathing, and you felt your eyelids slide shut in a bitter defeat before you heard another word. it's not like you needed them to understand how he felt, anyway.

"we're friends, aren't we?" his tone was so controlled, so even and level and unlike the denji that you knew and, dare you say it, loved. it sent another shot tubneling straight through your heart, and you were glad that you were currently facing away from him. you wouldn't be able to handle seeing the look on his face as all of your tentative hopes were crushed under his heel. all you wanted to do was curl in on yourself and maybe try to cry away the numbness that was invading your body from the chest outward.

you raised a shaking hand to push denji's own off of you, and you felt the mattress underneath you creak as the boy shifted in confusion at your behaviour.

"y/n?"

your kept your back turned to him as you got out of his bed, pulling on your own clothed and scowling in frustration when you couldn't find your shirt anywhere. you were seconds away from letting the first droplets fall, and you did not want to let denji see.

you snagged some random material of a shirt off of the bedroom floor, yanking it over your head and turning to face denji with a face that you hoped wasn't too scrunched from holding back your tears.

"we're not just friends and you fucking know it."

you didn't have time to register his wounded facial expression or the pleading calls of your name that he cast towards your retreating figure, but you grabbed your shoes before leaving his dorm, shutting the door behind you a little too forcefully and storming off back to your own room.

you must look insane, padding along the halls with no shoes as angry tears streaked down your face and you tried your best not to audibly sob. by the time you had made it back to your room your eyes were streaming, and you flopped on your bed with little regard for anything else other than crying your eyes out.

truth be told, after that fateful night and the best cry of your life you felt much better. you knew where you stood, you had your feelings sorted out, and you knew that a little distance would really help you to finally move on from your friend.

now, if only denji would stop calling and texting you like nothing had happened.

you felt like you could scream when you saw a notification from him, asking if you wanted to study for the test that you had next week. you bit back the petty urge to ask him if he wanted to study with you as just friends, instead opting to turn your phone off and bury your face in your pillow once again.

matters of the heart take time, after all.

on denji's end, things weren't looking much better. he brushed off his confusion at your actions and words when you had left so abruptly the other day, only to find himself staring at his ceiling trying to decipher his feelings and what the hell you had meant.

he likes makima. and he has, for a while now. he could count on one hand the amount of times he had interacted with the girl who sat in front of him in the lecture hall, and every time had been met with this strange giddy feeling in his chest. though it was rare, he knew that feeling.

but the one he felt right now was so, so, different. when the door clicked shut behind you, it felt like a piece of him had up and left along with you. the very reason that he had accelerated things so far in your relationship was because of how right things felt with you. the slightest graze of your fingertips across his chest didn't light any fireworks in his mind, but it's like warmth perforated his skin and was injected straight into him from you.

truth be told, that feeling was the most addicting he had ever felt. and when he heard that air of finality right after the door shut behind you, it didn't take long for denji to realise just how cold everything felt without you.

but he still liked makima, right?

that giddy feeling in his chest he got from her was enough to fill the you-shaped hole, right?

you not talking to him wasn't what made his heart hurt, right?

he only realised just how wrong he had it when he talked to makima for the fourth time ever. she had turned in her seat, even smiling at him and asking for a pen, and all that came to mind was how much he missed your smile.

hell, he missed everything. the sound of your laugh, the smell of your hair. the way you fit against him and said his name. and that's when he realised this you-related feeling was.

longing.

there was a knock on your door. and another. you groaned, rolling over to check the time to see that it was three in the morning.

by the time you had cracked your door open you saw a flash of blond hair and a face all-too-familiar, you knew it was too late to slam your door shut. denji's face perked up, and you already knew that you were done for.

he lifted his hand, revealing a pretty albeit crumpled bouquet of flowers. you almost giggled to yourself, guessing that the mastermind of that romantic gesture was most likely denji's roommate aki. but it was appreciated, nonetheless.

"what do you want, denji?" you were painfully aware of just how much of a mess you looked right now- eyes still red around the rim from how many self-pitying tears you had shed over this entire situation.

denji's mouth and opened and closed, and you sighed against your barely open door which still had a chain on it.

"i'm not in the mood, denji."

"no, no, it's just that i wanted to say that i've finally figured out what we are." it appears tgat your friend finally found his voice. you looked him in the eye again, trying not to let the hope in your heart build itself too high. "we're way more than friends, y/n."

you felt any resistance crumble at those words, and the sheepish smile on your face grew.

"so, can i come in?" you smiled at denji, shutting your door to undo the latch before opening it again, wide enough to let him back in to your life. consider him a weakness of yours.

the first thing denji did when he crossed the threshold of your door was wrap his arms around you, dried tears and crumpled flowers and all, and bury his face in your hair. the only words he had to offer was a mumbled i miss you into your skin, and you felt your body melt against him like it had so many times before.

when you finally broke apart, you couldn't help but wonder.

"so, what are the flowers for denji?" the boy before you blushed, his eyes flitting off to the side. he raised a hand to the back of his neck, taking a breath to summon some courage.

"i was hoping... that i could take you out on a date. or be your boyfriend. something like that."

"what?" denji was still bright red, though his eyes were locked onto yours.

"you heard me." you smiled once again, taking a step forwards and effectively closing the distance between you two.

"i would love to."

take a look at the menu - ,, ⚖️ ·˚ ༘ ꒱

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another-stark-sub · 3 years

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“Are you in love with him?” - Tony Stark Imagine

Notes: I wrote and editted this in two hours instead of going over my notes. Was gonna be spicy fluffy but it just turned into fluffy, and one of the lines/paragraphs (smth like that i dont remember how long that segment was) is based on/inspired by a fanfic on ao3 I bookmarked. I think it’s debt-free, but I could be wrong. Anyway, I hope you enjoy, and I’m so sorry im not on here more oftennnnn

- - -

“Of course I am. He’s Tony Stark.” You sighed, a weight finally lifted off your chest. “Who isn’t in love with him?”

Bruce blinked a few times, the confusion evident on his face. “Then, why don’t you tell him?”

You scoffed. These geniuses think they know everything, but they couldn’t see what was glaringly obvious to you. “He’s Tony Stark.”

The perplexed expression didn’t disappear from your friend’s expression. So, you explained further, “It’s already a privilege, beyond that really, to be talking to you, to any Avenger. To work with any of you is an honor, and to be friends with you” -you laughed- “it shouldn’t even be possible for someone like me.”

“Don’t say that. You’re amazing, too.”

You tried to find any tick, any clue that he was lying. But Bruce seemed to really believe this. “I know I’m amazing.” You shrugged. “I’m great. I love and I care deeply, and I have a stable job. I have a place for myself, and I take care of myself.” You clicked your tongue. “However, you all, all you Avengers… Forget out of my league, more like off planet.

“And Tony? He said it himself. Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. Add superhero, figurehead, public figure, ex-CEO, and savior of the universe. Bruce, I have confidence in myself, but Tony is something else entirely. No one is worthy of him or his affections unless they’re a god or another Avenger.”

It was hard to keep up with the statistical analysis you were trying to run. The literal one on your hologram and the one keeping your view of Tony in check. So, defeated, you sighed and leaned back in your chair.

Bruce closed his own work and stood across the lab bench. “Weirdly enough, I’m sure none of us Avengers think that way.” After a few taps of his pen against his palm, he added, “Aren’t there fans making posts about you, too? Tony showed me the, uh, Instagram videos.”

You laughed. “Fan edits don’t make an Avenger. Saving the world does.”

He shrugged. “You help us save the world.”

“From inside Avengers Tower on a computer.” You took a deep breath. “Look, Bruce, I appreciate what you’re trying to do. But, I’m not telling him.” You shrugged and brought your statistical analysis back up.

You knew your own worth. You were worthy of an amazing partner and person. Tony Stark, though, was easy beyond that. You had accepted it soon after you realized your own feelings, and while they haven’t dwindled, you knew it was for the best.

~ - ~

Tony had never resorted to this before. It was never a question of his ability to code. In the past, it was because he didn’t need a program or an AI to do it for him. He could always tell if someone was into him. He knew when Pepper was into him. The moment Rhodey gazed at him back in their MIT days. Every single reporter and heiress and model he slept with, he knew when their thoughts turned sexual or romantic.

You, though. With you, he couldn’t fucking tell, and he knew it was because of his own feelings. Tony felt intensely for people before. Pepper, Rhodey, that one reporter all those years ago. However, with you, it wasn’t just that fluttery feeling in his gut or the immediate smile he can’t seem to stop when he sees you. It was the comfort he felt when he heard your voice or the softness he could feel in his heart when he saw a picture of you.

It was like his entire life was full of panic, never resting, never stopping. But when you entered his life with a gentle smile and a quick wit, it felt like he could finally breathe.

It was addicting.

“Sir, I have the calculations.”

“Hit me.”

“Speech diagnostics of you and of Ms. (Y/l/n) are similar. Whenever you speak of her, 79.4% is positive and 18.8% is neutral. Ms. (Y/l/n) has 78.9% positive and 17.2% neutral dialogue regarding you. When she speaks of you, her heartrate increases by 4.6%, and similarly, yours increases by 4.1%. When speaking to each other, heartrate initially increases by 7%.”

Tony nodded. “How does this compare to other Avengers? I gush about Banner like a teenager.”

“Well, sir, while you and Ms. (Y/l/n) have high positive dialogue about other Avengers, all of them have at least a 10% decrease compared to each other. And heartrate varies depending on the topic of conversation.”

Tony snapped his fingers. “Am I excluding all non-super friends? Include any agents, co-workers. Pep isn’t an Avenger after all.”

Friday took two seconds and responded. “You and Ms. (Y/l/n) have a significant difference in speech diagnostics when talking about or to each other compared to any other Avenger, co-worker, and friend.”

When Tony remained quiet, Friday added, “Do you want me to repeat the results?”

“You don’t need to, Friday.”

“But you’re not doing anything with the new information. Would you like me to save these findings?”

“Friday,” Tony warned.

There was silence as the love-wrecked scientist pressed his fist between his brows. Data and cold hard facts said yes, but was it right?

“Sir?”

“Yes, Fri?”

“Would you like me to play examples for you?”

He blinked. “Examples?”

“Yes. Of you and her talking about each other positively.”

It was an invasion of privacy. Tony shouldn’t.

“Play examples.”

Before his rational mind could tell Friday no.

“Are you in love with him?”

Tony’s eyes widened. This was too private. It might not even be about him.”Friday-”

“Of course I am.”

“-stop playback.”

“He’s Tony Sta-”

“Playback stopped.”

Tony scrambled. “What? No, wait, go back. Play it.” Screw rational. You knew he was a narcissist. You wouldn’t expect him to hear that and stop.

“He’s Tony Stark. Who isn’t in love with him?”

“Then, why don’t you tell him?”

“... He’s Tony Stark.”

Tony started to fiddle with something on his desk. “What does that mean?”

Friday answered, “Dr. Banner asked her if she loved you, and she said yes. This means that she’s in love with you.”

Why did he program Friday like this? “I know that. I mean, those two lines. Why does me being Tony Stark stop her from saying something?” Was it the attention? Did you want some sort of normal life away from cameras and international gossip? Maybe it was the Avenging. Having a partner who was always out risking death wasn’t ideal.

Sure, you could be in love with him. But you couldn’t be with him.

“Maybe you should ask her.”

There were celebrities who were able to live normal lives. Some paid to have prosthetics for going outside of moved to a remote country to get out of the spotlight. He thrived off attention, but he could give that up. Avenging, he couldn’t give that up, but maybe he could cut back. Take a mission a month instead of one a week. Or maybe take more digital missions. He wasn’t just Iron Man after all. He was a genius, could hack into the Pentagon if he really wanted to.

“Yeah,” he said. “Maybe I could talk to her.”

~ - ~

The moment you put your bag down on your lab table, Tony said, “You’re gonna be mad.”

You narrowed your brows. “What did you do?” You pressed your palm to your chest. “Oh my god, Peter overwrote my data, didn’t he? Ugh, I know he said he’s great at managing holograms, but really, Tone, you should’ve given him a tutorial before giving him access.” You brought up your holograms to check your data and analysis.

“That’s not it.” Tony stood next to you as you looked through your files. “I did something that invaded your privacy.”

You tilted your head. Closing the holograms, you took a deep breath and slowly asked, “How?”

Tony flashed an embarrassed grin before sighing. “You’re gonna be shocked, too, so prepare yourself.”

You did not know where this was going at all. What horrible thing could Tony have done? Steeling yourself, you took a deep breath and nodded at him to continue.

Tony cleared his throat. “Usually, I can tell when someone has feelings for me. People are obvious about it, but you? You aren’t. So, I had Friday do some analysis on our speech patterns. Me, being in love with you, was one of my controls. You and your dialogue regarding me was the main variable.

“Long story short, I accessed some audio of you and Bruce talking, and you said that you loved me but could never tell me.” He glanced at you. “So that’s why I need to apologize.”

Your expression didn’t change. No, that wasn’t it. You, at first, looked confused. Now, there was just nothing. No expression. No wrinkled brow in anger of flushed cheeks in embarrassment. Nothing.

Tony blinked. “You can shout at me now. If you were confused about when to shout at me.”

You licked your lips before taking a deep breath. “Ok, that was a lot.” You pursed your lips then opened it. But, you couldn’t really think of anything to say. You didn’t even know how to feel. “So you know that I” -you pointed at yourself and then at him- “and that I didn’t wanna tell you.” You shook your head. “Wait, do you know why I didn’t want to tell you?”

A broken scoff left Tony’s lips. “Yeah. I’m a mess.”

It was your turn to scoff. “Wait, you’re a mess? That’s why you think I don’t want to tell you?”

“Among other reasons?”

Other reasons?

You crossed your arms. “Ok, what other reasons?”

Tony looked offended. Still, he listed, “I’m surrounded by cameras, and everyone wants some privacy. Can’t get it if you’re with me. Then, there’s the Iron Man of it all. I went into a wormhole with a nuke. That was also all over the news. Then, there’s the whole daddy issues thing. I’m working on it, but it takes a while-”

He rambled on and on, listing reason after reason, and with each one, you felt tears well up in your eyes. It was a weird mix of heartbreaking, confusing, and enraging. The emotions built up slowly with each word that left his mouth, overwhelming you to the point that you couldn’t even say how it happened.

But, as Tony paced and talked so horribly about himself, you somehow ended up in front of him with your hands on his cheeks.

You only realized it when Tony stopped talking and when his breath touched your lips. “What?” he asked.

You didn’t answer. You kissed him instead.

It was a hard press of your lips against his. It was short, and it wasn’t much.

But by the way Tony gripped the back of your neck and pulled you back for another kiss, you’d think it was his first kiss. You knew it wasn’t. Not just because you knew he had kissed all sorts of people before you, but because he somehow knew how to make you gasp and melt into him.

While one hand kept you steady, the other trailed down your back and pulled you closer to him. His lips moved fluidly against yours, pushing and pulling, and everytime he moved back, you chased his lips to continue the kiss, because the softness, the passion, the fact it was finally happening, was all too good. You didn’t want it to stop.

Your hands started to move. For someone so rich, his t-shirt was rough when you twisted it between your fingers and pulled it to you. Slowly, you trailed your fingers along the side of his neck. You rubbed your thumb along his pulse point, a reminder that this was indeed real. You were kissing Tony Stark, and- He was pulling away again.

Desperate, you leaned forward, reached around to hold onto his shoulder, and kissed the side of his neck.

He let out a breathy laugh, and before you could suck on his skin, his stubble scratched your cheek.

You looked up at him and giggled when his nose bumped into yours. When your giggles turned into a smile, he kissed you again, a soft and short kiss, before leaning his forehead against yours.

His thumbs rubbed circles into your waist as you lightly scratched the back of his neck. He didn’t say anything. In fact, he seemed busy gazing at you.

“Speechless, Stark?” you teased.

He laughed. For a few seconds, he just gazed at you, seeming to prove your point. Tony’s hand began to wander, from stroking your cheek to pushing back your hair. “More confused.”

Remembering why you interrupted him, you brought your hands to his cheeks again and held him there so he couldn’t look away from you. “You are amazing, Tony. That’s the reason I didn’t want to tell you.” You shrugged. “You’re too good for me.”

His fidgeting stopped. “Well, that’s not true.”

“Tony, you’re an Avenger.”

“Technically, you are also an Avenger.”

“You’re a genius.”

“Who can’t cook scrambled eggs.”

“You literally saved the universe.”

“After producing weapons of mass destruction for decades.”

You glared at him.

He glared back. Then, he fought back. “I don’t plan on retiring.”

“Wouldn’t want you to.”

“I have severe PTSD, anxiety, maybe ADHD, all mixed with trauma galore.”

“And I will learn to help you.”

“I couldn’t give you a normal life.”

“I’d rather have you anyway.”

He opened his mouth, but you instead told him, “I’d rather have you than anything. As long as, well, for as long as you’ll have me.”

He raised his eyebrow. “You sure about that?”

“Positive.”

Tony shook his head with a smile. “Cause, I’d rather have you for, well, how does til you get tired of me sound?”

You laughed. “Won’t happen. But, sure.” You kissed him again.You would’ve kept going, but there was something to settle first. “By the way, Tony?”

“Yeah?”

“Is Friday recording right now?”

“Friday records everything. It’s in the contract.”

Friday added, “I record everything that happens in the tower.”

“Ok.” You could work with that. “I’ll forgive you for the invasion of privacy.”

Tony beamed, and you couldn’t help your own smile when he did. Still, you continued, “On one condition.” Your own smile turned devious. “I want evidence that Star Spangled Banner took my ice cream.”

Tony burst out laughing. He kissed you again, a deep kiss, and when he was done, he mumbled, “God, I love you,” against your lips.

#tony stark x reader #tony stark imagine #tony stark oneshot #tony stark #mcu x reader #mcu imagine #mcu oneshot #tony stark fluff #im so sorry im not on here oftennnnnnnnnnnn #dentla schools too busy and i dont wike it #thats not true i do like it its just busy and stressful and doesnt give me time to write #and smut takes me longer to write than fluff #so i can only write fluff rnnnnnn #anyway i miss you all #love you all #hope the universe treats you welllll

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buckyhoney-library · 3 years

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nsfw alphabet, b.b

A/N: so sorry it took so long! hope you enjoy! sebastians & nomad!steve should be out sometime this week(end)!

reblogs/likes/feedback are greatly appreciated & highly encouraged

However, do NOT repost/steal ANY of my fics on my blog!

Warnings: 18+, language, smutty thoughts, sorry for any missed typos!

chris evans nsfw alphabet

A = Aftercare (What are they like after sex)

bucky takes aftercare so seriously! he makes sure that you have everything that you need and you're taken care of first. showering you in praises, holding you close, getting you water or snacks- he is at your beck and call.

B = Body Part (Their favorite body part on themselves and on their partner)

thighs. thighs. thighs. He loves laying between them with his head resting on your stomach. His fingers tracing patterns on your skin- peppering kisses on the inside. bucky's arms are hooked around them while he is giving you head, rubbing small circles on the outside.

bucky has grown to love his vibranium arm, because of how much you love it. he has changed arm usage from a weapon to a useful tool in every situation. being able to cool it and playing with temperatures, pinning you down- making sure you go nowhere- or even being able to cause it to vibrate.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum)

he loves to paint with his cum. as much as he LOVES to cum inside you and make you hold it- there is something so pretty with his cum plastered on your back or on your tummy. "you look so pretty with my cum on your thighs," bucky is especially fond of watching it drip down your breasts or leak down your thighs. bucky just stares in awe of how it glistens against your skin.

D = Dirty Secret (What do they secretly want)

he wants you to praise him. bucky lives off of praise and when you whimper how good he's making you feel or how he's such a good boy? it throws him over the edge, encouraging him to go faster and harder. he'll never ask for them, but when you start hyping him up, fuck he enters a state of nirvana.

E = Experience (Do they know what they are doing?)

1940's bucky as we all know was very experienced but after eighty years of nothing? he needs a little help regaining his confidence, but man will he practice and have no problems asking for help. he'd be a little embarrassed of cumming early or not being able to satisfy like he used too, but bucky watches porn and experiments like no tomorrow, catching up on all the new toys/techniques/positions etc.

F = Favorite Position (Self-explanatory)

bucky's favorite position would be cowgirl or where you're laying on your side, so he could hold you. cowgirl because he gets the perfect view of your body and everything about it.

with an honorable mention of missionary- but missionary with your legs in the air spread for all can see. if he's feeling a little spicy, he'll press on your lower abdomen, adding extra pressure.

G = Goofy (Are they serious during sex or goofy

BOTH. There is a time and a place for serious, rough, passionate sex (and boy does he enjoy that), but for the most part, Bucky wants you to feel good and he wants to learn- which means there will be some mishaps and failed moments, but he loves those moments just the same.

H = Hair (Are they well-groomed?)

he is well kept and clean. bucky isn't hairless, but he does make sure that everything is trimmed up and clean.

J = Jack Off (Do they masturbate?)

bucky only does when you're away or he's gone for a mission. when you're home, he has no problem telling you he's in the mood. when he does masturbate, it is to your pictures/videos you've sent or through facetime/phone calls. he doesn't watch porn unless that is the only option or he is looking for new things to try with you.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

oh boy does he have loads of kinks! bucky loves praise (receiving or giving)! during the more passionate and rough sessions, he is into degrading (but not too crazy) innocence kink. if you have met after his second sexual awakening? god, how he loves to ruin you. he loves the idea that he gets to teach you and that you're at his mercy. ice play/warming (idk what the word is) he loves when you call him sarg does this man have a filthy sarcastic mouth. dirty remarks of comments that leave his mouth- god, it's enough to you off in seconds.

L = Location (Favorite place to do it)

he is a traditional man at heart, so he loves the bedroom. bucky gets to be as loud as chooses and go as long as he wants without the fear of someone walking in or interrupting.

M = Motivation (What turns them on or gets them going?)

leggings. jeans. short shorts- anything that enhances your thighs or when you shoot back firey/witty comments matching his energy. The more traditional turn on's as well, suggestive comments, touching his chest letting it fall to his belt, lingering kisses on his lips and neck. "it's like you're begging me to fuck you silly,"

N = No (Something they will not do. Turnoffs.)

nothing with bodily fluids (other than saliva or cum) & i don't think he'd be fond of being too open in public- he's a private guy, but he doesn't mind the simple pda and light touches.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skills, etc.)

okay let me tell you- bucky loves getting head. your lips make him cum faster than anything else. "open wide, darling" he loves the ability to do it virtually anywhere (privately of course) and the quick clean up-but he mostly loves watching you take his length completely, hitting the back of your throat. "fuck, such a good girl taking all of me," hearing you moan into him and gag makes him go FERAL. bucky isn't a head pusher, but he does grip your hair.

bucky does love going down on you too. his cock throbs at the sight of your legs shaking and squirming. the sounds you make encourage him more, but he doesn't stop when you cum- he licks up every last drop of you. "im not stopping, so i'd stop moving if i were you," he'll occasionally pop his head up to make sure that he's doing everything right and you're enjoying yourself- the last thing he wants is for you to fake it (which only happened when he first re-entered the dating world)

P = Pace (Are they fast or rough? Or slow and sensual?)

there is a time and place for everything. bucky loves sensual sex because he feels the most connected to you and he has been without physical/emotional connection for so long that it's become a must. it is also where he feels the most control and the best, when he can be 100% vulnerable- something never thought he could do.

fast and rough is for those needy moments where he can't get his hands off of you- complete feral mode. when you've been teasing him relentlessly and he needs to remind you who's in charge. those nights are when the kinkiest of kinks come to play.

Q = Quickies (Their opinions on quickies rather than regular sex)

quickies are reserved for dinner parties, group outings, etc. where you look too good and he can't keep his hands off of you. "i wanna see if you taste as good as you look". quickies usually consist of fast rough sex that leaves bruises or marks. they also mainly consist of giving/receiving head.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

oh does he! he has almost ninety years of sex trends/toys/etc to catch up on. it will be the middle of the night and you'd be fast asleep only to be woken up by him shaking your arm and going "baby, we have to try this!"

bucky isn't a risk-taker in the sense of public and potentially getting caught, he is a risk-taker in the sense that he is willing to try anything once.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go? How long do they last?)

bub is a super-soldier. his stamina outlasts yours by HOURS. you'd be panting and lying sideways and bucky would be ready for the next round and you'd have to tap out. he would chuckle and hold you, teasing you about how you can't last. "can't handle this cock? i thought you said you could go all night?"

T = Toys (Do they own or use toys on themselves or partners?)

bucky has a whole drawer dedicated to the greatest quality toys. "only the best for you, dollface." he loves seeing how far he can push you with the vibrators. tying the vibrator to your clit and watching you be sent over the moon. bucky wouldn't be too crazy about using toys on himself, but he isn't opposed to being handcuffed (or pegged)

U = Unfair (How much do they like to tease?)

BIGGEST TEASE in the galaxy. Touching you, grazing your heat, kissing your neck, rubbing the inside of your thigh, (stuffing a vibrator inside you while you're on the phone), or whispering dirty things in your ear- but God forbid if you tease him back. there will be hell to pay if you try teasing him back. "you better rethink your next move, darling," "i think you forgot who's allowed to tease who."

V = Volume (How loud are they? What sounds do they make?)

bucky is pretty quiet, with the exceptions of grunts and whimpers. His mouth is filthy and he dirty talks like there is no tomorrow! he is also a cocky little shit and sarcastic- which doesn't stop in the bedroom. "your cunt feel so good around me," "open your eyes, i want you to watch as i ruin you" "look at you, you're soaked for me"

W = Wildcard (Random headcanon for your character)

cockwarming. babe lives for cockwarming. early morning lazy sex, but too lazy to pull out of you. you'd be laying on your side with your leg over his, with his cock buried inside of you. "no, honey, just stay" he would mumble with his head resting in the cook of your neck, placing small kisses on your neck, but falling back asleep.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants)

baby, that serum did wonders. bucky is packing that seven to eighter. his cock would poke through your tummy and he won't stop talking about it for weeks.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

HIGH. VERY HIGH. he is ready whenever and wherever the time calls.

Z = ZZZ (How quickly do they fall asleep afterward?)

bucky's stamina is so high that he probably is starving. he would perform aftercare for you, but once you'd have cared for- he is standing naked in the kitchen making a sandwich.

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes fluff #sebastian stan #sebastian stan smut

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rommahh · 3 years

Text

Better

Word Count: 3.9K

Pairing: Buckybarnesxfem!reader

{This is for @metalbuckaroo's challenge. I had this brewing for a minute but college has got in a chokehold. I chose prompt #30 from the given prompt list. I hope y'all like this read. Love, R}

Bucky trailed behind Y/N as she ignored his calls. Her boots clicked loudly in the small hallway as she rushed towards their shared apartment. Her keys shook in her hand, body tense with anxiety and anger.

Bucky reached her at the door, his hands loosely gripping her arms. Y/N shoved the door open, her body snapping away from his. Y/N haphazardly throws her keys in the small bowl that sat on the hallway side table.

Her chest heaved with deep breaths as she tried to remain calm.

“Y/N please, what is going on? Why are you so mad?” Bucky questioned, slamming the door behind him as his own frustrations started to catch up with him.

“I'm going to bed.” Is all she said to him without even meeting his eyes. She was quick to enter her room and lock the door before he could say anymore. Bucky stood behind her door in confusion. His body still tingled with the lasting effects of the shots he took hours prior.

Sitting on your bed, Y/N finally released. Her shoulders dropped, her body hunching over itself as the tears started flowing.

Y/N had been looking for Bucky for what felt like hours. He was her ride back to the apartment and having been at this party for over four hours- she was exhausted. There was a twinge of disappointment that lingered in her caused by Bucky's disappearance. He invited her to this party tonight but quickly left her to her own devices the moment the both of them walked through the frat’s doors.

The house was mainly empty except for the few lingering bodies that were drunkenly wandering around. She climbed up the stairs that lead to a common room on the second floor. Y/N’s cute white go-go boots were tight on your feet, making her wince at every step. Fashion was a moment type thing, not a four hour long excursion.

Y/N heard a group of voices leading from the common room once you reached the top of the stairs. She listened out waiting to see if she could hear Bucky’s voice before walking through the doors of the common room.

“I don't know why you hang out with that girl Bucky.” Her ears perked at his name. Y/N almost walked through the door but she took a step back to listen to what they were saying.

“Yeah, shes fucking weird.” The group laughed. “I mean look at how she dressed tonight. She’s wearing a costume.”

Y/N looked down at her 80’s inspired dress with a frown. She thought she looked cute tonight, Bucky said she looked cute. She couldn't stop blushing after she heard his words.

“She’s a freak barnes. All she does is follow you around. Are you sure you guys aren't dating?” One of the boys asked with a chuckle. No one said her name yet but she knew they were talking about her. She could tell.

“Y/N’s not that bad. She just doesn't have any friends. I don't like her like that, not my type. She's got that weird anxiety thing.” Bucky's voice finally sounded out from the group. Y/N heart hurt hearing his words. Weird anxiety thing?

“Yeah, making her a freak. So you're just friends with her out of pity? Are you at least getting community service hours?” The group laughed again, Bucky's deep laugh standing out to Y/N.

“You have a lot of strength for a man who's not getting any ass from the girl he's keeping company with. Shes weird as fuck but her body is still bangin. Have you ever copped a feel of her tits? I would hang out with the loser if I got to fuck her too.” Someone commented. Y/N felt bile rise in her throat. She could feel a panic attack approaching having heard the sexual comments about her body. She stepped out from around the wall into the common room. All eyes snapped up to her, some eyes widening in shock. Bucky just looked up, not catching on that his roommate may have heard the horrid words said about her.

“I-im ready to go home, Bucky.” She hadn't looked up from where her feet were rooted on the stained wood floors. Bucky slowly wobbled up from his seat. The rest of the guys watching quietly, some snickering at Bucky's submissiveness.

“Here sweets, you're gonna have to drive.” Bucky says handing his keys over to Y/N. Without looking at him, she snatches the keys from his hands and quickly retreats to his car. Bucky stumbles behind her confused by her attitude.

Y/N walked to Bucky’s car, arms covering whatever they could cover on her body. Her mind telling her she was unsafe, her anxiety telling her even worse things.

Bucky eyes burned from the headache he had. He felt physically ill as he woke up from the living room couch. Last night's activities blur in his mind, no clear memories presenting themselves. He sits up to rest his forearms on his knees trying to calm his bubbling stomach.

The first thing he notices as he comes to his senses is the lack of Y/N’s noise. Normally the small apartment would be filled with the sounds of her sunday playlist as she cleans about. He also doesn't smell her extra dark and strong coffee that she only makes for sundays. He doesnt smell her out of the can cinnamon rolls either that she would normally wake him up with on a small tray with said coffee.

He finds it odd that her presence is lacking in the apartment. Standing, he makes his way over to her room knocking on it slightly. He hears shuffling from the other side but no one comes to open the door.

“Hey sweets, everything ok?” He knocks again to gain her attention.

“I-Im fine Bucky, please go away.” She stutters out to Bucky. Bucky is shocked by her statement not used to being pushed away by her.

“Oh ok, just let me know if you need anything.” He says quietly.

Y/N remained the same way over the next few days. She rarely came out of her room when she was in the apartment leaving Bucky on his own. She stopped making him meals out of kindness or filling up his canisters of water for workouts. She stopped baking him treats as midday pick me ups. She didnt wait for him to get out of classes so they could gossip about what was going on on campus. She didnt bother him at all.

Bucky felt uneasy about Y/N’s silence. He was hurt by her sudden disappearance. Hurt that she could just ghost him without any reason. But there was a reason, Bucky just didnt remember.

Y/N sluggishly walked into the apartment after taking an extensive exam in one of her classes. She tried to walk quietly throughout the apartment to not catch the attention of Bucky. She walks softly on her feet close to the opening of the kitchen.

“Hey.” A quiet voice makes Y/N jump in her spot. Her mission of going unnoticed failed. Bucky leans against the kitchen counter that is parallel to the opening of the kitchen. His feet are crossed in front of him, hands holding a cup of tea.

“Hi.” Her tone matches his. She turns her body to face his, hands fidgeting with each other. She slightly moved from foot to foot, a trait that had been acquired out of nerves. Bucky recognized her tic, his heart constricting at the thought that he might have done something to cause it.

“Y/N, please, what's going on?” Bucky can see that she's not wearing one of her normal outfits that are adorned in bright colors and fun patterns. Instead, her body is covered in a boring sweater that hides most of her body. She wears a large pair of jeans underneath, a belt tightly bounding it to her body.

“Nothing Bucky.” She dismisses. Bucky feels his anger peak. A range of emotion he tried to hide away breaching over its point. He missed his best friend beyond belief and all she could give was a few words.

“It's not nothing Y/N!” He snaps slamming his mug of tea on the counter. Y/N flinches at the sound. Her hands start to shake, not out of fear of Bucky but from unwarranted anxiousness. “I've given you your space but its killing me. I miss you Y/N. I dont get what happened?”

Y/N feels her eyes well up with tears.

“You hurt me Bucky.” It was Bucky’s turn to flinch hearing her words. He hurt her?

“I don't know what I did though.” His voice sounded childlike as he whined.

“At the party, you let your friends talk poorly about me. You-you let them call me a freak and-and weird. They made fun of my clothes and said you were hanging out with me out of pity and you just sat there and laughed James!” Her voice rose with every word. Bits and pieces of that night float around in his head. He can slightly remember the conversation but nothing is clearly showing in his head.

“I'm sorry they said that Y/N but you know that's not true. We both know our relationship, I don't know why you're letting them get to you.”

“They talked about my anxiety. You talked about my anxiety!”

“That's it? That's why you're not talking to me?” He exclaimed throwing his hands in the air.

“You let them sexualize me!” The kitchen filled with an uncomfortable silence. Bucky’s exterior softened.

“What?” His tone was drastically softer than it was earlier.

“You just sat and listened to them as they talked about my body. They talked about my boobs and if youve had sex with me and you said nothing. They said that they would hang with the loser if they could fuck me...How could you let them say that about me?” Y/N whimpered. Her hands cradled her face as she sobbed. Bucky saw the way her chest heaved with each sob, tears forming in his own eyes.

“I didn't know. I wouldn't have let them say those things sober. You have to know that.” He almost fell to his knees pleading for her forgiveness.

“You even said you wouldn't date me. I know its stupid but I thought you liked me back. You told me you loved me. You've taken me out on dates. You've kissed me for goodness sake!”

“I know and I'm sorry. I do like you, I don't know why I said that. I like you so much.” His knees buckled slightly but he held his ground.

“Obviously you dont Bucky. We should just stay away from each other from now on and I won't be renewing my leasing contract at the end of the semester.” She finalizes. Buckys whispers a small no in protest. “You really hurt me, Bucky. I would never let anyone slander you. I respect you too much to allow for someone else to disrespect you.”

With that being said, she gave Bucky one last look over before walking away. Bucky was knocked out of his thoughts at the sound of her door slamming shut and the lock being secured.

Bucky sat on the kitchen floor, the cold tile seeping through his pants to chill his legs. His face adorned with a frown, tears sliding down his warm cheeks. Y/N was his best friend and he ruined it by being a shitty person. He knows he should have defended her, defended their relationship.

Bucky’s rolly chair was his only source of entertainment at his desk in the lobby of the admissions office. Today was a slow day. There were only a few students who came in asking for help finding buildings or looking for the financial aid office. Some high school student came in for tours but his coworkers beat him to doing tours so here he was stuck in the quiet office. He had already stolen a large amount of guest snacks, a cold bottle of tea and a sugar cookie with the school's logo on it.

His chair spinning activities came to a halt when he heard the front door open with a small jingle sounding from it. He took a moment to let the dizziness fade away before he looked up. Bucky felt his breath stop in his throat.

There stood a girl with overalls and a bright colored top. She wore dark green converse, high tops, with frilly socks that peeked from the top. She had large glasses that framed her face perfectly. She was looking around the office, eyes wide with wonder. Her eyes finally met Bucky's, making a large smile appear on her face.

“Hi!” She exclaimed walking up to Bucky’s desk.

“Hey, what can I help you with today?” Bucky asked cooly.

“I just transferred here and I was wondering if you knew where I could apply for on campus jobs?” She placed her hands on top of the counter of Bucky’s desk. He admired her baby blue acrylics that had white flowers on them.

“Oh um, the admissions office is hiring. We do all of the tours for highschool students, or package and mail acceptance letters. Sometimes we plan scholarship events. It's an easy pay type of job. I just sit here and do homework my whole shift.” Bucky answers. “What's your name so I can get my boss to contact you?”

“Y/N Y/L/N.” Bucky quickly scribbled your name on a post it note and stuck it to his laptop as a reminder. “Do you really like this job or are you just trying to pull me in?” She jests with a small smile on her face.

“I mean it's a decent job but im sure with you working here it would make it ten times prettier.” Bucky smirked at the giggle that escaped Y/N. He wasn't normally a flirt but he couldn't help himself with this one.

“Oh really? How many times have you said that line to a girl?” Bucky put a hand to his chest in a fake offense.

“You think too low of me Y/N. I saved that one for the prettiest girl to walk through the door.”

“Hmm, ok. I'll believe it only because my ego needs this boost. Hey, you never told me your name. How am I supposed to write about this encounter in my journal if I don't have your name?”

“My name is James but I prefer if people just call me Bucky. Short for Buchanon, I know it's weird.” Bucky leans back in his chair, arms crossed. He can see her eyes checking out the way his muscles flex underneath his long sleeve shirt. He may have purposefully flexed a little extra for show.

“No, I love it. I dont think ive ever met a Bucky.” She counters. She leans forward, placing her elbows on the counter, her chest pressed against the front of the counter.

“Well I'm glad I'm your first Bucky.” He jokes with a small smile on his face. There was a small moment of silence shared between the two as they just looked at each other. Bucky couldn't help but think about how cute she was as Y/N thought the same thing.

“Oh gosh, I'm probably holding you up from your work.” She snaps out of her little spell rolling her eyes at herself. “I should get going.”

Bucky frowned at the idea of her leave, wanting nothing more than to continue talking to the new girl.

“Right, of course. Maybe I could get your number...so I can notify you about the job.” Bucky proposes. Y/N raises one eyebrow in question, a knowing smile placed on her lips.

“Sure thing bucky.” He hands her a pen and post it for her number. “I wouldn't be opposed to you using this number for things other than work too.” She suggested. She signed her name on the post it note ending it with a small heart.

“I will definitely take you up on that offer. No take backs though when I start sending you random shit.” She giggled, leaning up from her spot. Bucky basked at the sweet sound. He stood up to meet her on the other side of the desk.

“Well Bucky, it was lovely to meet you.” She stuck her hand out for him to shake, he reciprocated the action. Her hands were soft and warm, he thought. She gave him one last smile before walking away.

It was warm outside on the quad as Bucky sat by himself. He sat at the table that would normally be occupied by Y/N and him. Y/N would bring lunch- made by her. Anytime Bucky would try to help her by making lunch she would kick him out of the kitchen. Today, Bucky sat by himself, with no hand made lunch. He had a greasy bag of french fries and a large coke. He planned on eating his sorrows away.

“Hey Bucky!” A voice yelled out to him. Looking up from his fries, Bucky looked towards the sound that broke him out of his fries excursion. Tanner and Logan, his friends from the party, came walking over to him. They both sat down, throwing their lunch onto the table.

“Where's Ms. weirdo?” Tanner asks, mouth full of food. Bucky grimaced at Tanner's manners. He also felt the anger he should have felt on Saturday bloom in his chest.

“She's not weird.” Bucky snapped, fists tightening in his lap. Tanner scoffed, Logan laughing along with him.

“Says you. She is fucking weird. Did you finally get some from her or something? Defending her and shit.” Logan clapped Tanner on his back agreeing with him. “Shit, good for you dude. I would have fucked her a while ago. Probably would have kept her face down so I wouldn't have to see her-”

Before Tanner could finish his sentence, he was thrown from his seat from the powerful punch being landed on his jaw. His feet flew from where he was sitting, landing on his back with a heavy thud.

“Dude what the fuck?” Tanner stood wiping his face from the blood that started to trickle down from his bloody eyebrow. Bucky had never felt anger like this before. His heart was racing, his breathing labored. His cheeks were red and warm, eyebrows turned down.

“No, you don't get to make fun of her and make sexual comments about her.” Bucky snarled. Tanner rolled his eyes, walking closer to Bucky.

“Oh fuck off with that! You didn't defend her this hard on saturday.” Tanner's mistake after his words was shoving Bucky's shoulders back. Bucky reacted quickly by shoving Tanner with even more force.

Tanner threw a punch to Bucky’s jaw, making his head fly back. Bucky tackled Tanner to the ground, throwing punches left and right. Tanner fought back, hands flying landing punches wherever he could land them.

Logan was able to pull Bucky off of Tanner, warning the two that campus police would arrest them if they were caught. Both boys stared at each other fuming. Bucky snatched his trash and his backpack up, the scowl never leaving his face.

“If I ever see you looking or talking to Y/N, I will bash your face in.” Bucky growled.

Y/N felt better today. She found the strength to wear a cute outfit versus the oversized clothes she had been wearing prior out of fear. She didn't want anyone to look at her in any harmful way. She wanted to wear her cute outfits that were sometimes form fitting and short. She liked to wear her cute period pieces that had her own twist on them. She spent many years hating her body and the way she looked. She deserved to feel cute without thinking she is at fault for being sexualized and poorly treated.

She whipped out one of her favorite outfits today, loving the way it fit on her body making her feel confident. Sitting at the front desk of the admissions office, her feet propped up on the desk. Her shift was going by slowly, no one needing assistance this late in the day.

The door burst open making Y/N jump from her seat. She stood up shocked to see Bucky walk in with a huff. He wasn't supposed to work today but here he was. Y/N gasped looking at his cut lip and bruising eye.

“Bucky, what happened?” She maneuvered her way around the desk to stand in front of the beat up boy. She placed both of her hands on his cheeks to examine his injuries. He moved his face away from her tears brimming his eyes.

“I'm sorry Y/N. I'm really sorry. I should have protected you from them. I should've told them not to speak about you that way. You are more than some eye candy for men to act disgusting towards. You are beautiful and eclectic. You have a brilliant mind that shines brighter than anyone elses on this campus.” He spoke to her softly.

“I don't understand Bucky. What made you have this change of heart? You didn't give two shits about me last weekend.” She crossed her arms defensively.

“I know and I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. Maybe it was the alcohol but that's no excuse. I love you. I love all of you. You're not weird. You're your own person and I love everything about you. You do so much for me and I feel like shit for not doing the bare minimum for you.” His words stunned her.

“You love me?”

“God, with everything I have. Since the day you walked in here with those overalls. I've spent the past four years loving you.” Bucky whispered. He grabbed her hand, thumb rubbing over her knuckles.

“I love you too, Bucky. I really do and I'm hurt. I don't think the hurt will go away for some time. You let them speak horribly about me. If you loved me like I was your girl, you would have defended me.” She spoke sorrowfully.

“I know, I know. I can't change the fact that I did nothing but I can tell you that I'm sorry. I'm always going to protect you. I did today. Tanner may be sporting a nasty goose egg on his eye because of his dumbass words.” Y/N giggled softly, touching his bruising knuckles.

“Thank you, Bucky.”

“I want to go back to normal. I miss you in the mornings and-and during our lunch breaks outside. I miss you.” Bucky stated.

“I miss you too.”

Bucky watched her eyes drop down to his lip, busted and all. He leaned forward slightly hoping she would meet him in the middle. She met him the rest of the way pressing her lips to his. Bucky relished this moment. He relished to be even sharing moments with the girl he's been in love with since the second he saw her.

“I'm gonna be better, I promise.”

#metalbuck's 2k writing challenge #college!bucky #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky angst #bucky x y/n #james buchanan barnes

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reidgraygubler · 3 years

Text

peanut buttercup (matthew gray gubler/reader)

Title: Peanut Buttercup

Anon Requested: Hi so I been asking for this request for awhile but no one seems to do it. I was wondering if you could write a Matthew Gray Gubler x Fem! Reader. And they have a 5 year old kid. They both work together on Criminal minds and play each other’s love interest. One day their babysitter cancels and they have to bring their kid to set. They have a balance taking care of a kid and filming. And can you possibly add that Matthew is filming one of his unauthorize documentary and he includes his kid. I would really love to read this.

Couple: Dad!Matthew Gray Gubler/Fem!reader

Category: fluff

Content Warning: swearing, Dad!Mgg, mentions of being sick

Word Count: 5,076

Summary: When reader and Matthew’s babysitter cancels on them on a last minute notice, they’re forced to bring their 5-year-old daughter, Tallulah ‘Peanut’, to set. Matthew and Reader have to re-learn to balance filming, on set tomfoolery, and taking care of their daughter.

A/N: i literally love this request so much, it’s so cute and makes me feel so soft. I really needed to write some cute fluff after everything im writing, especially for a different type of high… so thank you for sending this in. i think we need more dad!mgg fluff too, we stan dad!mgg. So, meet tallulah jane ‘peanut’ gubler, and reader ‘buttercup’ gubler :))) im so soft right now. thanks for all the love and support! check out my masterlist!

{***}{***}{***}

It was… quiet. Quite possibly too quiet. Especially for a house that has 2 actors and a five-year-old daughter. I was getting the chance to sleep in a little later than normal, and there's no husband or little girl begging for breakfast. Maybe husband took her on a morning jaunt? No, that'd be too ambitious for him, and even for her. Or, maybe he put a movie on and she's actually watching. Or maybe- frick, nevermind. I clearly spoke too soon and had my hopes too high. The pitter-patter of little feet, followed by the louder footsteps of an adult man came running into the bedroom.

"Tallulah," Matthew's voice was soft, like he was whispering but knew it'd be useless. Because once she got up into the bed, I was starting to wake up more.

"Mommy, mommy! Wake up! Wake up!" A little girl's voice shouted as she jumped on the bed. I kept the blanket over my body and groaned as a small body jumped on top of mine.

"5 more minutes," I pretended to whine as I pulled my blanket over my head. I could hear Matthew's laughter as Tallulah jumped into my body. I groaned at the sudden weight on my still tired body. "Okay, okay I'm awake," I tiredly spoke as I sat up. Tallulah fell onto the bed beside me in a fit of laughter.

Matthew was already dressed and what seemed ready for the day. His glasses sitting on his nose, and his hair falling perfectly around his face. A bizarre patterned shirt, that I wouldn't be surprised if Tallulah picked it, hung off his frame, paired with a pair of jeans and his converse. How long had he been awake?

"I tried telling her you wanted 5 more minutes," Matthew laughed as he looked at me. I looked back at him and smiled, before looking down at our daughter, who was still laughing. Her beautiful brown and curly locks of hair, though somewhat a ratty mess, covered her face just enough to show her toothy smile and brown/hazel eyes. "She just wouldn't listen. She wanted to know what you wanted for breakfast," Matthew smiled as he sat beside me on the edge of the bed.

"Breakfast!?" I exclaimed as I looked down at Tallulah. She looked up at me and smiled before rolling around on her back. "I guess that’s up to you, Peanut," I smiled as I placed a hand on her stomach.

"Pancakes!" She sat up and looked at me. I looked over at Matthew and smiled. The amusement he wore on his face made me feel happy. Of course, no matter what his daughter did, he was amused or happy. I don’t blame him though, she’s basically the mini-me version of him.

"Pancakes!? That sounds like a great idea!" I brushed her hair away from her face, "how about you and daddy get started in those while I take a quick shower and get ready for the day?" I asked with a smile. I glanced back at Matthew, silently telling him to help me out with this. “Maybe make me some chocolate chip pancakes? Oh! Or a few apple cinnamon?” I smiled at him. Matthew laughed at my enthusiasm for pancakes.

"Sounds like a solid plan to me," Matthew stood up and placed his fists in his hips. Tallulah looked between Matthew and me before falling off the bed in a sensible style.

"Sounds like a plan," she copied Matthew's action and looked up at him with a smile. I smiled and watched as the pair marched out of the room.

I sighed deeply before lying back again for a minute. I knew the second I left my bed, mommy mode would have to be fully turned on for the morning. Although mommy mode was way more preferable than actor mode, I just get to be around my favorite little girl and it makes me happy.

Time, unfortunately, was not on my side. It was nearing the time Marianne (Tallulah’s nanny) would be here, and Matthew and I would have to leave for work. Which all meant I had about 15 minutes to shower, get dressed, and actually get ready for the day.

Once I was finished showering and getting dressed, I went to the kitchen where I knew I'd find Matthew and Tallulah. The sweet smell of apple cinnamon pancakes found its to my nose.

“Those pancakes smell amazing!” I spoke as I entered the kitchen. Matthew was standing beside Tallulah, gently brushing out her knotty hair. “I can't wait to have one,” I looked down at Tallulah, “did you help make them, Tj?”

“Yeeeah!” She exclaimed as she put her fork in her mouth.

“Did you also help make the mess?” I looked around the counter at the mess that suddenly appeared overnight. Matthew looked down at Tallulah, who was looking up at him with wide eyes. She was obviously whispering something to him, causing Matthew to laugh.

“That was, uh… That was Rumple Buttercup,” Matthew nodded as he looked back up at me. I crossed my arms and raised an eyebrow. “He came up here just as you got into the shower and made the biggest mess? Isn’t that right, Peanut?” Matthew looked back down at her and wink.

“Yeah! It was Rumbellercup.” She looked at me with a cheesy smile.

“Right,” I faked an amused smile before nodding. I quietly grabbed a sponge and began wiping up the sticky flour mess on the countertop. “Well, next time, Rumple Buttercup should stick around and clean up,” I smiled as I looked over at the two.

“I’ll take care of it, don’t worry about the mess,” Matthew winked at me. I rolled my eyes before continuing my cleaning. Well, tried to continue before being stopped by my phone ringing.

“Phone!” Tallulah shouted as she pointed towards me and my phone. I looked up at her and smiled.

“Looks like it’s Marianne,” I looked at the screen, noticing her name, “Wonder why she isn’t here yet,” I spoke before answering.

“Hey, Marianne! We were just talking about you!” I smiled as I tossed the icky sponge into the sink.

“I’m really sorry, Mrs. Gubler,” her voice was low as she spoke. I furrowed my eyebrows and cocked my head, “I’m afraid I have to cancel. I can’t babysit Tallulah today?”

“What do you mean you have to cancel?” I asked, I honestly had my answer the second she sneezed, then coughed, then sneezed again. “You know something, it’s okay,” “I’m really sorry, Mrs. Gubler,” she spoke through a cough. I cringed as I looked over at my husband and five-year-old. I could sense that she was talking about something, and he was doing his best to keep up and understand whatever it was she was saying.

“It’s okay! It’s okay, really. I hope you feel much better. Take all the time you need,” I insisted as I rested my hand on the counter, “We’ll figure something out. I just hope you feel better,” I frowned as I kept my eyes on the two.

“Again, I’m so sorry,” Marianne whispered. I bit my lips back and shook my head.

“Get some rest. Call if you need anything,” I replied before hanging up. I placed my phone on the counter before going to grab things for lunch for Tallulah.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” Matthew looked up at me as he brushed Tallulah’s hair into two pigtails. He had a certain look of worry on his face as he looked at me. I looked up at him as I made a ham and cheese sandwich. Hopefully, she enjoys a sandwich with all the fruit snacks a five-year-old could consume (which, unfortunately, was a lot), and some actual fruit. I'm sure when on our way home we'll stop somewhere for dinner or late lunch. That's hope it usually works when Tallulah comes to set with us.

“Marianne is sick. Can’t babysit today,” I frowned as I looked between him and Tallulah. Tallulah was too busy eating her pancakes and rambling about Alvin and The Chipmunks (specifically about how Theodore was her favorite, not Simon) to actually care about our conversation.

“Really,” Matthew looked at me and dropped his shoulders. He puffed his cheeks a little bit before frowning, “No one else?”

“I mean, I could call Aj and see if her babysitter can watch Little Miss, but that’d be a lot for one lady,” I paused as I looked down at our daughter, “Or we could bring her. You know how much everyone on set loves seeing her,” I shrugged as I looked up at him. Even though it was a lot of work bringing a five-year-old to set, we both loved it. The balance between working and taking care of her was a bit rough, but we always made it work.

“We could do that, we have a couple of scenes together, I’m sure we could get Kirsten or someone to be with her for that time,” he looked down at his daughter before adjusting her pigtails, “Maybe even convince the writers to give Spencer and Mollie a daughter,” he looked back at me and winked. I shook my head.

“You should finish getting her ready because we have to go soon,” I pointed out. Matthew looked down at Tallulah with a smile before shrugging.

“Alright, let’s go, Peanut!” Matthew spoke as he lifted Tallulah up and stood her up on the table. I looked at the two and smiled.

“You get to come to work with me and daddy today,” I walked over to them and readjusted her crocked pigtails, and carefully pinched her cheeks, “That means you get to see Auntie Kirsten, Auntie Aj, Auntie Pag, and everyone else,” I smiled and watched as Matthew lifted her up on to his hip.

“Yay!” Tallulah shouted once she was clinging to Matthew’s side. The two of them closely resembled a Koala. She grabbed Matthew’s face, a hand on either side, to get his attention, “Daddy’s work,” she whispered. I smiled, already looking forward to the shenanigans that was about to happen during our day. Whenever we bring Tallulah to set for a visit, almost everyone wants to spend time with her. And she sucks up all the attention. She’s got everyone wrapped around her tiny little finger.

“Go pick out some cool clothes with daddy while I finish making your lunch. Sounds good?” I looked at her. She smiled and nodded before looking at Matthew.

“Let’s go get out of your jammies,” Matthew spoke, tugging on her Elsa nightgown. The two walked away and towards her bedroom. I seriously hope he’ll help her pick out something nice to wear and not let her wear a princess dress. I love it, but not today. {***}{***}{***}

“You gotta be a good girl for mom and I, okay? You can watch us while we work, but you gotta be super quiet,” Matthew held a finger up to his lips, as if he was telling Tallulah to be quiet. She smiled before copying his action. “Can you do that?”

“I can do that,” she enthusiastically nodded once Matthew set her on the ground. I squatted beside her and gave her a few quiet toys and coloring books as Matthew went to talk to one of the assistants/interns nearby.

“Look, we packed your favorite coloring book,” I smiled as I placed the coloring book on the ground beside her. She grabbed the crayons from me and poured them out. I looked at her for a moment before standing upright.

“Are you sure we shouldn’t just have her in the trailer? It’d be safer for, well, everyone. And if we check on her every so often,” I looked at Matthew once he was back beside me. We walked side by side back towards wardrobe and makeup.

“Nah, it’s fine. One of the interns said they’d watch her. And then we can get one of the makeup artists to watch her. You know how much they love her,” Matthew smiled at me. I rolled my eyes and shook my head as I remembered the day we visited set after Tallulah was born. Other than Kirsten and AJ, the makeup artists were the ones to not leave our side because they loved her so much. I honestly didn’t blame them. “Don’t stress so much about this, Buttercup, this isn’t the first time she’s had to come to set with up. And you know for a fact it won’t be the last time,” he stopped right in front of the door to the makeup studio. “She’ll do a great job,” he smiled before hugging me.

“I know, I know. She’s just a lot older than she was the last time she came with us. And I know something will happen,” I sighed, pressing my face into his shoulder. Matthew laughed as he squeezed me tightly.

“And, if she does, we’ll take a break, bring to the trailer, and calm her down. C’mon, you know she’s a great kid,” he looked down at me as he rested his hands on my shoulders. I laughed as I looked up at him.

“That’s because she’s your kid,” I nodded before stepping away from and entering the makeup studio.

Of course, luck was not really on our side. We were a few hours left of filming, Tallulah had been doing a great job, staying quiet and playing with one of the make up artists. Until she bashed her head into a table, causing her to go into full hysterics.

“I got it, I’m done for the day anyways,” Aj looked at me from her space on the ground, away fro the raised set, “She’ll be okay. I can make all little girl boo-boos go away,” she smiled before stepping up to me. I looked at her before looking over at Matthew, who was already over soothing our daughter.

“I owe you big,” I walked up to her, “You know we have stuff in our trailer for her. I think it might be naptime,” I looked at her, feeling the worry in my brow.

“Got it, naptime,” Aj gave me a thumbs up before stepping off the set. I watched as she carefully approached Matthew and Tallulah. Tears were still fresh in her eyes, but she was laughing at whatever it was Matthew was telling her. I could feel a smile tugging on my lips as I watch Aj grasp Tallulah’s hand, leading her away from the studio.

“She’ll be fine,” Matthew smiled at me before pressing a gentle kiss to my lips. I hummed before stepping away from him.

“Oh, I know that, I don’t doubt. I’m just tired, I suppose,” I rubbed the underside of my nose, “But, we’re almost done,” I nodded with a smile. I was just happy we were able to get back to work pretty quickly after the temper tantrum.

{***}{***}{***}

“I think we’ve got what we needed for today! That’s a wrap!” The director shouted to everyone on set. I allowed my shoulders to slump as a yawn worked its way through my mouth. Matthew laughed as he looked over at me.

“You definitely needed those extra five minutes,” he spoke as he shrugged off his ‘Spencer Reid’ blazer. I yawned, again, and nodded.

“Suppose that’s life with a 5-year-old,” I stepped off the set with him and walked beside him towards our trailer, “Do you want to go get that girl in question, or should I?” I raised an eyebrow once we were both in the privacy of our small trailer.

“You should. I want to do something real quick,” he pecked my lips real quick as he walked towards the backend of the trailer. I looked down at the few toys that were thrown around the floor, before grabbing Tallulah’s backpack and sweater.

“You want to do something? What would that be?” I asked, throwing the strap of the backpack over my shoulder. A moment later, Matthew stepped back towards me, wearing a Babygirl hat that Shemar got for him, and a purple scarf that he totally stole from me. “You look like a douchebag,” I scoffed as I turned towards the door, “You’re lucky I love you, and that we’re married,” I turned back and looked at him for a moment.

“I think you’re the lucky one, Buttercup,” Matthew spoke to me as I stepped off the trailer. I laughed and shook my head. “Not everyone can score this,” he spoke as he gestured towards his body. I rolled my eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, are you going to let me go get our kid? Or are you going to pull me into whatever it is you have planned,” I asked with a sly smile on my lips.

“Should probably go get Tallulah,” he shrugged as he followed beside me. I looked at him and allowed him to kiss me softly. “Good luck,”

“I’ll need all the luck in the world,” I laughed before peeling away from him. I could hear him talking to someone as I walked away, and I could only imagine it was one of the cameramen.

Usually Aj took her out of the studio the second the tantrum started, bringing somewhere quiet. Usually, it was our trailer, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they were there for a bit, but I knew after naps it was always snack time. So, I went towards the cafeteria.

“Mommy!” A little voice shouted from across the room. My eyes scanned around, looking for my little girl and friend. Aj was sitting at one of the tables with Tallulah on her lap. Tallulah was busy, eating chicken nuggets that Aj must’ve gotten for her. So much better than a ham and cheese sandwich.

“Hey, Peanut!” I exclaimed as I sat across from them at the table. I glanced at Aj and smiled, silently telling her thank you. “Did you have a fun time with Auntie Aj?” I looked back down at Tallulah.

“Yeah!” She exclaimed before shoving a whole chicken nugget in her mouth. I raised my eyebrows and laughed.

“We took a nap, colored, played with some dolls, and then we were hungry,” Aj looked up at me as she listed their activities during the last few hours. I nodded and leaned over the table.

“That sounds like a great time. I wish I could take a nap,” I sighed before stealing one of her nuggets. Tallulah glared at me as I munched on the food. “I wanna see your drawings!” I smiled at her. Tallulah turned and looked up Aj, asking her to show the drawings she made.

“Tada!” she beamed as she showed me her drawings. I looked down at the 4 sheets of paper with a multitude of colors. One of them was easily imaged as a family portrait and I could easily point out Matthew and me, and Tallulah. Another one was just a tornado of colors, with animal stickers placed around them. And the last two pictures were coloring pages we had printed off, a Disney princess and a picture of Alvin and the Chipmunks (again, it’s her favorite movie… And not because her dad is in it).

“These are awesome, Peanut!” I looked back up at her with an excited smile, “I’m sure you had such a great time with Auntie AJ! I can’t wait to hear about it all! What do you say to her?” I looked at Tallulah as I brushed hair away from her face.

“Thank you, Auntie AJ,” Tallulah looked up at Aj with a bright, cheesy smile. Aj returned the smile as she looked at my daughter.

“Of course! I had a wonderful time with you! You be good for mom and dad, okay?” Aj asked before offering a hug. Tallulah squealed before throwing her arms around Aj. I smiled, watching the pair interact.

“Should we go find daddy? I’m sure he’d love to see your drawings!” I asked stood up. Aj helped Tallulah to the ground before standing up herself. Aj handed me Tallulah’s stuffed animal and a few of her other things. “Thank you so much, Aj,” I smiled at her.

“Of course, you know I love watching her,” she returned the smile, “Seriously, if you need help with you, you know I’m always available, even on set,” she hugged me.

“Of course, again thank you so much,” I returned the hug before letting her leave. Tallulah watched as Aj walked away, before looking up at me with a smile, “Let’s find dad,” I smiled before offering her my hand. She grabbed it before walking beside me. I handed her stuffed animal back to her as we left the cafeteria.

“Are you going to show daddy your pictures?” I looked down at Tallulah. She was holding a small stack of papers in her hand as she skipped beside me. Her stuffed animal was now stuffed under her arm since her hands were too busy holding her drawings and she didn’t want me to hold it. “You did a good job with your family portrait,” I looked at the papers in her hand. She was looking down at that very picture with a big smile on her face.

“Yeah!” She looked up at me and gushed. I chuckled as she hugged her pictures close to her chest.

“Do you think he’ll like them?” I looked up and saw Matthew at a bit of a distance, someone standing beside him as he talked. He was moving around a lot, which told me he was up to something.

“Yeah!” Tallulah exclaimed as she added a little bit of a skip to her step. And that skip in her step told me that she was excited. Well, it was more than the skip in her step. It was also the sweet-tooth, cheek-achingly, adorable smile she wore on her precious little face.

“Do you think he’ll… Love it?” I looked down at her for a moment. She stopped walking for a second as she looked down at the picture she had drawn. Tallulah was definitely blessed with Matthew’s sense of style when it came to art (and clothing), which was lovely. She’ll be something of an artist when she grows up, I’m sure of it. Especially when her family portrait has three people and two of them have 2 heads and 4 arms, and the other one has a tail. But, that’s okay. Matthew will most definitely love her drawing. I know I do.

“Love it! Love it!” She looked up at me as she jumped. I laughed and shook my head. She looked down at the pictures again before holding them up to me. I raised an eyebrow before taking them from her to hold.

“Well, I know I love them,” I looked back down at her. As we continued walking, she kept talking about what she got to do with Kirsten and Aj. Her babble was still a little bit incoherent, but I knew what she was saying. God bless Kirsten though. “I’m kinda hungry, do you think daddy will let us get McDonald’s on the way home?” I looked back down at her as she grabbed my hand.

“McDonald’s?” She looked at me with wide eyes. Let me just put that into my child’s mind so she can ask Matthew. Because everyone knows it’s hard to say no to the Gubler child. No one knows better than Matthew.

Unfortunately, our conversations ended there. Because as we turned the corner, Matthew’s voice could be heard. I looked up and saw him standing beside our trailer. The second Tallulah would hear his voice, she would be off and glued to him, instead of me. What a little daddy’s girl.

“Who the fuck is that?” Matthew half-shouted to the cameraman beside him. Even though we were a good distance away from him, I could still hear the words he was saying. I was grateful that Tallulah couldn’t hear him. We both know she’d repeat any word she knows she’s not allowed to say. And since he was standing beside a cameraman, I knew he was filming one of his Unauthorized Documentaries. “Who the fuck is that,” he pulled the cameraman and pointed him towards Tallulah and I. This man and his swearing around his 5-year-old. I swear.

“Daddy! Daddy!” Tallulah shouted once grew closer to him. She let go of my hand before sprinting away from me and towards Matthew. When she was close enough to him, she jumped into the air and Matthew caught her. “Guess what, Daddy!” She shouted into his ear. Matthew laughed as he looked over at me.

“What, Peanut?” He asked, swinging her around so she was on his back. Sort of like a monkey with its baby. It was Tallulah’s favorite way to be carried. “You got to hang out with Kirsten and Aj while mommy and I worked, right?” He looked over his shoulder at his daughter. She laughed as she rested her head on his shoulder.

“Yeah!” she looked over at me as I got closer to them. I shuffled the few pictures before flipping them around to show him. “Auntie Kirsten and Auntie Aj let me color!” Tallulah, again, shouted into his ear. Matthew looked at the pictures in my hands and smiled.

“Woah! Peanut, these are awesome! Are you going to be an artist like dad?” He looked over his shoulder and at Tallulah. I smiled as I shuffled the pictures to show more of them.

“Yeeeah,” she smiled before pressing her face into his shoulder, like she was hiding. I smiled before stepping up to him. Matthew smiled before pecking my lips.

“Little Miss and I are starving,” I grabbed his hand and swung it beside me.

“Starving?!” Matthew spoke loud so Tallulah could hear him. A little giggle came from her as she readjusted her position, “Well, we can’t have that! Where do you want to eat, Peanut?”

“McDonalds!”

“McDonalds?” Matthew looked over at me with a raised eyebrow. I smiled and looked down at the ground, “Let’s fucking go then!” Matthew half shouted as he jumped. Tallulah giggled as she hugged her arms tighter around his neck, almost nearly suffocating him.

“Matthew,” I looked at him with the signature mom glare I adopted from my own mother. He looked over at me as he placed a hand on his daughter’s arms. He knew exactly what the glare was meant for. Swearing in front of our 5-year-old. Of course, we both knew that wouldn’t be the first or last time he’d swear in front of her.

“Daddy said fuck!” Tallulah shouted before laughing. Matthew looked at me with an apologetic look in his eye before swinging Tallulah off his back and on to his hip. I cocked my head as I placed my hands on my hips. “Fuck!” She repeated, shouting the word at Matthew. And, again, this wouldn’t be the last time she repeated a swear word.

“Now, Tallulah, that is a mommy and daddy word. You know you shouldn’t say that. Just because mommy or daddy does, doesn’t mean you can,” he looked at her. She pouted before nodded. Thankfully, she actually understood when to not say swear words, she also understood what “mommy and daddy” words were. “Got it?” Matthew looked at her with furrowed eyebrows. She looked up at him and stuck up her thumb.

“Got it!” She smiled before throwing her arms around his neck. Matthew laughed before picking her back up.

“Now, let’s go get some happy meals,” Matthew spoke as he pointed towards the direction of our car. I sighed deeply, walking the opposite direction towards our trailer, knowing they’ll both know we need to stop by there before we leave.

{***}{***}{***}

“She asleep?” I asked, glancing away from my script as Matthew entered the room. He pulled his shirt off as he went towards his closet.

“She’s always insistent on Rumple Buttercup, but almost never makes it to the end,” he laughed as he put his pajamas on. I smiled as he sat on the edge of the bed.

“Maybe it’s time you wrote a second one… Give Rumple Buttercup a brother or sister,” I laughed as I rubbed a hand on his back. He looked over his shoulder with a smile before getting comfortable in the bed beside me.

“You know… I’ve been thinking,” Matthew started as he moved closer to me. I looked up from my script and over at him with a raised eyebrow. Something was telling me he wasn’t going to continue talking about a second Rumple Buttercup book… “What if Tallulah had a little brother or sister,” he asked as he looked up at me with puppy dog eyes. I couldn’t help but burst out with laughter. I felt bad for my laughter, mostly because I knew he wanted a second child. But, we were running slim on time with that.

“She is too much of a daddy’s girl to share with anyone, including me, Matthew,” I closed my script as I looked up at him. He looked genuinely hurt with my laughter and comment. “Besides, I thought we were good with the one,” I gestured towards her room.

“But, what if we had another one,” he shrugged. I dropped my shoulders and sighed, but kept a smile on my lips nonetheless. “C’mon, two! That’s a perfect number!” “Two is a perfect number,” I swallowed roughly as I looked down at the bedding in front of me. I couldn’t help but allow the smile on my lips to grow. “And she wouldn’t be alone on family trips,” I mused as I glanced over at him. Matthew was looking at me with the excitement of a kid in a candy store. “You don’t think we should talk about this first? I mean, Matthew, you’re almost 40, I’m nearly 35...” I let out a small laugh.

“I think we just talked about it! And to me it sounds like we both want it,” he smiled before pressing his lips to mine. I hummed before moving away from him.

“Okay, okay, we can try. But not right now. I’m exhausted. Maybe once Marianne is better and we don’t have to take Tallulah to set. Because that was so exhausting,” I ran a hand through his hair and smiled, “Fair?”

“Fair,” he smiled before kissing me softly, “Love you,”

“I love you too,”

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