the ipad baby has added 300$ worth of chia pets to the amazon cart and he's still going. he's on his stomach on the floor tapping away. kicking his feet with glee. oblivious to the world around him. cherry you better stop him before he tries to check out, otherwise the credit card will 100% decline next time you use it :(

     "Whatcha lookin' at, Gavvy?" As his tense studiousness gives way to childish delight, across the room, her amusement chills to concern. Now, his smile strikes her as almost sinister.

     To be sure, it is a perfectly ordinary smile for him. It is this utter contentment that twists the serene scenario into something it oughtn't be. With swift, light steps, she pads toward him, then drops to the floor. Her eyes flick across the screen. She gasps, then yanks the iPad away from him.

     "Ugh! No! No, no, no! You're not using my card unless you're paying me back." She hugs the device to her chest and pouts over the top of it. "And I know you can't pay me back." Her eyes narrow. "D'you even have the space for all this? One Chia Pet. Just one. As a treat. I'll allow it."

"Now this here, I actually took it from the cemetery on the far east of town. Guy inside didn't need it anymore, he wasn't too rotted - so I barely had to clean the thing out, and-" THUNK THUNK, he's quite proudly tapping the lid with his knuckles, "it's pretty decent hardwood. And check out this..."

He creeeaks open the lid of the coffin...

... while making absolutely no comment on his choice of bedding.

"Feel the inside here of the wood here - one-hundred-percent smooth. No splinters, no rot, all the nails are still in tact... No bugs too, which is a nice plus. Do you know how often I find these things infested with termites?"

     Cherry wants to ask why he doesn't just buy himself a coffin, or even better, make one. Or have her make one for him. The answer is obvious. As disgusted as she is by the idea that his bed comes "used" (albeit by someone barely rotted), he's true to his word: it is clean. Spotless, in fact. The initial inspection, however, is not enough to satisfy her. If at some future point she studies it in detail, she's certain there may be slight discolorations and imperfections in the wood that she doesn't want to think about too deeply. She fiddles with the chain of her necklace, gently rubbing it between her forefinger and thumb.

     "Okay, bud, I know I can't say I don't got the space for it, 'specially cause you know otherwise and I already gave you the all clear." She chews the inside of her cheek, then hesitantly pets the Charizard blanket. "Can you promise it's not bugged? Really, truly? 'Cause I'm no skeeze, not gonna go back on my word, but this thing is staying at your place until it's, like, ultra fumigated." Her nose twitches as she makes a show of sniffing his new bed. "Still smells damp. Dead. Unless that's your pokey-man. When was the last time you did laundry?"

cherry would fit wonderfully into the world of dead boy detectives 😏 just saying

the good news is that i’m home slightly earlier than expected. the bad news is that the store got robbed 😔

     "As in both? They're, like, practically the same thing." They weren't, not quite, but the overlap was enough for Cherry to equate them. "Think about it: an untapped market, freedom to carve yourself a slice of history. I could totally eliminate ghosts and goblins without levelling buildings. Wouldn't use spooky nuclear tech, either. Don't need it when I've got my fists and holy water." The meaning of "hypothetical" was lost on her. "Think about it! Cherry the Wraithwrangler. That badass, or what?"

---☁︎｡⋆｡ "Like the movie franchise, or, uhm, ghost hunters? I... I would say Wraithwrangler? Geistboxer sounds a bit too similar but Wraithwrangler has the benefit of alliteration. Not to mention you could turn that into your own brand instead of an obvious Ghostbusters copy? But, why? Hypothetically?"

     "Guess I am pretty fast. Helps that I'm solo. Don't have to coordinate with a Cadillac full of other guys to get stuff done, y'know? That said, might wanna expand operations if it gets profitable enough. That could change the whole business plan." It was wishful thinking. The exorcisms and expulsions she actually got paid for were few and far between.

     "Sounds like you've been in the business a while. PPC? So official. Name like that sounds like they got all kinds of bureaucracy and red tape and pencil-pushers back at HQ." Whatever that was supposed to mean. "Maybe it's too corpo? Still, beats a card that just says 'Cherry Martini.' Probably makes the ol' resume sound better than just saying 'self-employed' too." Not that many employers would take her work history seriously in the first place.

      "Before you continue, some feedback: loving your energy, not so sure about taking them down, or whatever. It's like, 'this town ain't big enough for the two of us,' except actually, it is." She fell silent in contemplation. "So does this all fall apart if I maybe kinda-sorta dated one of the boys in beige?"

There's a casual shrug, and perhaps a small and smug expression at the word underhanded-

"Business is a game of supply and demand. If the other guy is bigger than you just from notoriety, then build better notoriety. Less property damage. Faster work. Undersell them, build your name under the PPC. Everyone loves a good acronym. Suddenly ghostbusters is a mouthful, comparatively.

The best way to win is to be smarter in the way you play. Sneak up on them. You're just one woman, surely not a threat to their brand.... then suddenly they're trying to recruit you- add you to their ranks because you're a threat and they need you under their control.

But you have no interest in playing second best to a bunch of show boat boys or you wouldn't be gunning for them. So just be better. Play smarter. Win harder."

     Whoa. This was preparation. This was professionalism. Cherry could not compete. "Uh-huh, okay. Message received, loud and clear. However. Consider that 'paranormal pest control' is a mouthful? 'Cause, like, that's what I do already. Explain myself to people, and they say, 'Oh, you're a Ghostbuster™!' Which, like, I'm not. Legally. Functionally? Probably have a little less collateral damage. You'd think that'd bring in the customers, but no. Digging that ad campaign, though. Totally grassroots, kinda underhanded. Might know a guy willing to cooperate, haunt places for me. I oughta pay you for your time, you consultant, you."

"If you want the most business Start by trapping a ghost, then release it into someone's house and offer to take care of it for free, just on the good will that they post about you somewhere on the internet. Do this JUST two times, with different ghosts, the same one might raise flags. Or if you use the same ghost just do it in two different states. You want something memorable, catchy not something they can say 'oh like ghost busters' because then you sound like a rip off. Your job title is Paranormal exterminator, and your job is considered 'paranormal pest control'. Use your name so they can never mistake you for some other company.

You are simply, the paranormal pest control."

      "Question. Hypothetical. If I was gonna start a competitor to the Ghostbusters—who have a totally unfair monopoly, by the way—what would get me the most business and the least legal trouble? Rounding off the short list are Geistboxer, Wraithwrangler, and Phantomfighter. Spectersucker was cool for a sec, but...realized it sounded like a different kinda business."

      ✱ ONE NIGHT ONLY!  TAKING THE STAGE IS . . .

#daemondaes. an artist, a doctor, a sailor, an alien, an actress, and a wizard walk into a bar. fandom-flexible, with ORIGINAL LORE, plus verses in STRANGER THINGS, MARVEL, AND MORE.

viewer discretion advised. written by che/9, age 30, she/they. est. 7 may 2016.

a study in conquering your demons, unconventional family structures, what it is that makes a human, and the different shapes of love. subtopics include occultism, the gig economy, and mistaken consumption of paint.

affiliated with: @15-44, @nancewheelr/@pierprincess, @godforbidrp, @aercnaut, @dumbthink, @havvkinsqueen, @brutalpath, @kojiscorner if i'm not home, find me at: @duckpi

                                         — THE WORD OF THE DAY IS CHAOS.

                                   info ✦ memes ✦ opens

tumblr user @punkavior and i are reminiscing and surprisingly it is invigorating my muse??? i used to be such a good writer...i used to be somebody...

🎉🎂🤡🍒🍸

Hey, it's LANE and this is my really funny dog Milo. I make stickers of him to help fund his vet bills. You can find them HERE

TLDR; I got him from an abusive household in October. He's 8 so I was going into it knowing he'd have health issues down the line, but I didn't think they'd kick in RIGHT AWAY. He was basically fine his whole life, then showed up at my house and basically told me in plain English that his liver is doing very poorly. Currently figuring out what's wrong with him, how serious it is, etc, but mannnn, I've only had him for a few months and love the guy to pieces.

it would mean the world to me if you checked out the site or reblog this post! maybe drop some coin for some stickers. all funds will go towards his vet bills! thanks and be well!

cherry is sexy, but she's bad at acting sexy.

bf who only likes me and hates everyone else

      "Huh. No kidding. And that's a Mr. Spock thing, or an everyone thing? No one's ever accused me of using the word wrong. It's fascinating—see what I did there? So then, when something's interesting and unexpected, whaddaya call that? Astonishing? Me, I call it news."

❝ fascinating is a word i use for the unexpected . in this case , i should think 'interesting' would suffice . ❞ // @daemondaes ♥'d

Source

      "Certainly there's no literal blood of man or beast in it, but what would you have us call it, then? Red orange—or perhaps maroon orange? That's patently ludicrous. And for that matter...couldn't one liken the juice of an orange to its lifeblood? Although I suppose that leaves us where we've started, without distinction between it and an...orange orange."

"Blood orange is a misleading name for a fruit."

"There's orange in it, yes! That part of the name is accurate! But there's... not quite any... well..."