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sonderessence · 5 months

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thinin' 'bout you. aki hayakawa x female reader

contains / warnings: maybe a bit suggestive?? kisses! :3

authors note: i had this on my mind and wrote it down so i wouldn't forget it 😭

— now playing . . . she's mine pt.2 by j. cole ( yes, ik this song is about a baby🙄 )

. posted on ... 11 / 24 / 2023

aki couldn't stop thinking about you since he first saw you at the devil hunting agency. you were new; but fearless when it came to fighting, something that made him even more interested in you.

as discrete as he tried to keep his feelings when it came to you, his heart would always flutter when you touched his shoulder; it was such a small habit you carried since meeting him. to tell the truth, as much as aki voiced the fact that he hated physical contact, he couldn't be far from the truth.

aki would lie awake in bed, thinking about your face. god, you were so beautiful to him, just hearing your sweet voice would cause him to melt. he'd wake up in a sweat and curse himself for all the erotic dreams he would have about you-

no...he can't feel this way about anyone. he can't bear to see you cry about him and the stupid things he does that'll get him killed one day.

you'd always fuss at him about smoking.

"y'know, those things cause serious health problems."

"i know."

"so why do you smoke?"

aki smoked to take the pain away. his addiction started a couple years after the death of his family and got worse and worse after himeno's death. he'd drink occasionally, but the strong sent of nicotine entering his lungs easily beat a next day hangover.

one thing aki realized after you two got close, was his smoking habits grew less. just being around you kept him calmer than a death stick could.

the first time you asked to come over to his house he panicked, but of course said yes in a heartbeat. he kicked denji and power out, telling them to 'go to the park, and don't do anything stupid!', so they wouldn't ruin anything else in the house.

when he opened his front door, he saw you with that same warm smile you always had around the agency. no matter how hard things got, you kept that smile.

as you walked into his house, marveling at his small cozy apartment, his eyes mindlessly fell to your ass. that damn skirt you wore...he could kill himself for thinking whatever he was thinking.

aki was a pretty calm guy, but the calm facade died down and ran away when you sat next to him; your leg brushed over his, causing his breath to get caught in his throat.

"you seem nervous hayakawa, what's the matter?"

he didn't answer but kept his eyes fixated on you.

"akiiii" you teased, cupping his face with your soft hands. you noticed a spark in his eyes when you called him by his first name. his eyes met yours and made their way down to your lips.

a soft red tint coated his face, oh how he wanted to kiss you. he'd been waiting for this moment for months; months of avoiding you so he'd forget his feelings towards you, months of sleepless nights because his mind would be clouded with thoughts of you, months of pushing his feelings to the side because he was scared to fall in love.

he couldn't do this.

so he didn't, instead mumbling an incoherent e-excuseme- before running into the nearest bathroom.

was he just a lovesick looser who couldn't dare tell the love of his life how he felt?

a/n: yall know i ate with this one, don't lie 🤭

taglist.

©sonderessence, 2023 — do not steal or copy works, seriously.

#aki x reader #aki angst #aki hayakawa #aki x y/n #aki x you #aki x gender neutral! reader #aki hayakawa x reader #csm aki #csm x reader #csm angst #csm anime #chainsaw man x reader #chainsaw man

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mitsuyaya · 11 months

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[ 𝑻𝒓𝒊𝒑𝒍𝒆 𝑻𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕 𝑴𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 ] itadori yuuji, itoshi rin & hayakawa aki

⁠∘⁠˚⁠˳⁠° contains: MDNI, characters are all aged up (18+), angst, fluff, smut, lowercase intended, most of ‘em are short and unedited, refer to individual fics for additional warnings. ⁠

∘⁠˚⁠˳⁠° end note: ⁠enjoy ^^ (some of em are written while I'm having a breakdown during my finals haha.) block or filter the tag [🍫. triple treat] if you don't want to see this series.

∘⁠˚⁠˳⁠° schedule: from june 6-24, 9:30 PM (GMT+8)⁠

∘⁠˚⁠˳⁠° status: complete | incomplete

𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭 𝐓𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐝𝐚𝐲 (opm edition)

Denouement - Itoshi Rin

‎contains: 717 words. angst, breakup summary: it's foolish to think that everything could last because everything has an end, just like your relationship with rin. to be posted on: june 6

Even in the next life - Hayakawa Aki

‎contains: 561 words. heavy (?) angst, major character death, major spoilers (for anime watchers) summary: you love aki more than anything in this world; he taught you the beauty of waking up every day, but he didn't teach you how to wake up every single day without him. to be posted on: june 13

Just a friend - Itadori Yuuji

contains: 520 words. angst, unrequited love summary: itadori is your best friend and as a friend you should've known better not to fall in love with him. to be posted on: june 20

𝐅𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟 𝐓𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐝𝐚𝐲

Gitchee Gitchee Goo - Itoshi Rin

‎‎contains: 401 words. fluff, just rin being stupidly cute. summary: rin finds it hard to say I love you, so he says nonsense instead. to be posted on: june 8

Cigarettes - Hayakawa Aki

‎contains: 529 words. fluff, smoking. summary: you wanted to know why aki loves smoking too much, so you asked him to give you one. to be posted on: june 15

Smitten - Itadori Yuuji

‎contains: 424 words. nothing but pure fluff and yuuji being the best bf summary: you're just as obsessed with your boyfriend as he is to you. to be posted on: june 22

𝐒𝐦𝐮𝐭 𝐒𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐝𝐚𝐲

Panacea for the Insomniacs - Itoshi Rin

‎contains: 1k+ words. MDNI, smut, characters are aged up (18+), afab reader, teensy fluff, oral (f! receiving), use of pet names (angel, good girl), kissing summary: you have trouble sleeping and rin just knows what to do to help you fall asleep. to be posted on: june 10

The Most Jealous Man I Know - Hayakawa Aki

‎contains: 1k+ words. MDNI, smut, jealous aki, pwp, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, kissing/making out, brief fingering, slight degradation (slut), pet names (angel, baby) summary: you never thought that aki is capable of being jealous until tonight that is. to be posted on: june 17

Pretty Boy - Itadori Yuuji

‎contains: 613 words. MDNI, afab reader, smut, oral (m! receiving), face fucking/riding, hair pulling (kinda), cum swallowing, pet names (baby, princess) summary: yuuji is the most prettiest boy you've ever seen, even moreso, when he's riding your face. to be posted on: june 24

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gojou-violin · 1 year

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this is enough

| pairing: aki hayakawa x fem bodied!reader

| warnings: 18+ MDNI, chainsaw man manga spoilers, sad(?) sex, vaginal penetration, unprotected sex, (breeding kink if you know aki and if you squint really hard), bad smut writing from me.

| wc: 3.3k

| a/n: when can i be happy after reading csm?

| taglist: @sintiva (just this once cuz i sent this ask), @aylitgirl

Aki wasn't one to tell others the truth when he was struggling. He liked to bottle it up for the sake of suffering alone so that no one else had to worry about him or be burdened with his own "stupid" problems, especially when it came to the deals he'd made over the years with different devils who wanted this and that from him. Out of everyone you knew, you were sure that you were the only person in his life who knew every detail of what he was enduring.

The Curse Devil was the first to take from him. In exchange for time off his life, Aki could kill his opponents simply by stabbing them three times with the sword he always carried around with him. The first time you met Aki, he had a good twenty years to live... Now, he was close to two years...

The Fox Devil wanted from Aki what he wanted from every human he made contracts with: skin. There were days when Aki would leave the house whole, and when he'd come home that night, he'd have his arm bandaged up because the Fox Devil took the skin from his forearm. Aki always insisted that it was fine, that it was his curse to bear because it was a contract he made willingly; but that didn't change the fact that you forced him to go to the hospital every time in order to receive skin grafts.

The only time you'd ever seen Aki so scared about his future was after he came home to tell you that he made a new contract with the Future Devil who was living in his right eye. It was necessary after the Fox Devil got fed up with him and would no longer come to him even when the situation was dire and Aki was willing to give up everything he had to offer just for the sake of winning his fights-- So your husband had a Devil living in his eye now... Punishment, you supposed, for getting to see seconds into the future whenever Aki needed during battles.

Part of you couldn't understand how he had made all of these deals for the sake of surviving out there while up against all kinds of powerful Devils, yet none of them could save him when it mattered most. Where had his squad been? Where had they allowed this terrible thing to happen to him?

"You have to stop that," Aki whispered from across the table.

You looked over at him with a brow raised, just in time to catch him staring down at your bouncing knee. He always knew when you were overthinking something. It was so obvious by how you'd go quiet after getting lost in thought, and your knee would shake, and your hands would fidget on your lap.

You two were supposed to be on vacation, so why were you thinking about what happened when it was all in the past and nothing could change the outcome, even if you tried your very best. The doctors were good enough. They did their jobs as soon as Aki was taken to the hospital. It could have been worse. You both knew it. He could have been killed like some of his coworkers, or he could have come back in more pieces, or neither of his arms could have been reconnected like one of his friends.

It happened in the middle of the night a week ago. You got a call that Aki was in the hospital after his squad went to fight the Doll Devil who took both of Aki's arms. She snatched them clean off his body without so much as a blink of an eye or an inhale of her breath. It happened in a second, he told you later. One moment they were looking around, the next, he had no arms and was passing out on the ground. When he woke back up, he was in the hospital, you sitting next to him, holding onto his hand, the only one they could reattach after hours of surgery.

"Come here," he continued to whisper. It was like he was scared to disturb the gorgeous night you two were enjoying silently in the dark hotel room that had been gifted to you after he was put on leave due to his injuries.

Aki wanted to get back to work the second he was released from the hospital, however, his superiors denied the request, and to ensure that he stayed away, they sent the two of you to a hotel outside of the city for the weekend where you could relax and he could recover a bit more before actually going back. You knew that there was no stopping him. He was going to go back to work one way another, even if it ended up killing him faster than the Curse Devil promised; even though it would kill you to get a call that he wasn't in the hospital because he had died.

"Baby, come here," he spoke up a bit more to grab your attention.

Without thinking twice, your feet carried you out of your chair and over to him. His lap was warm as he used his one good hand to grab your hip and pull you close until you were straddling him, your faces close his nose bumping yours sweetly. It was cold outside. At some point in the evening you had considered going out to get food at a nearby restaurant before you looked out the window to see that a snow storm had rolled in, trapping the two of you in the hotel which lost power nearly an hour later. That was alright, though. Aki wanted to spend a quiet night in. He liked watching the snowfall, so you both pulled up chairs to the window to lounge around while you waited for shitty food service to arrive. There wasn’t much the kitchen could make in a power outage, but the pint of ice cream they had to get rid of before it melted served the two of you well for a bit. Once you were done eating, though, that was when your thoughts began to drift, and Aki noticed that something was off.

Did he know how worried you were about him? Did he realize that every time you glanced at his missing arm, your heart wrenched in your chest? When would he finally say “fuck it” and leave that damn Devil Hunter career of his behind just to spend his last few years alive with you, the person who needed him around or nothing seemed right—

“Darling,” he cooed.

You melted into him, wrapping your arms around his neck so that he’d stay close and continue to nudge his nose against your cheek as he left kisses along your jawline.

“It’s okay.”

“I know that.”

He hummed a thought. “It’ll be okay.”

You couldn’t think of any kind of proper response to that because you weren’t sold on the idea that it would actually be alright. He had two years left, if that. How much longer was he willing to suffer? He’d given up his skin, his eye, his entire arm— You couldn’t give him up to the Curse Devil. You couldn’t. That monster would have to go through you before he could ever get to Aki.

“I’m here. I’ve always been here. That’s enough, isn’t it? Being here… Right now… Just the two of us… That’s enough.”

You hid your face in the crook of his neck suddenly as you croaked, “That’s enough…”

He nodded. “Exactly.” He was gently kissing the side of your head until you perked back up again then leaned in to kiss him. “Darling…” he mumbled against your lips.

“You’ve gotta stop scaring me like this. Please.”

His lips hovered over yours as he hesitated to reply. “I’m sorry.”

As he kissed you again, your fingers found the ends of his hair, gently tugging in order to ground yourself in the thought that it was enough, he was right, it was okay, and it would be okay. If Aki was sure that everything would be alright, then it had to be true. Afterall, you were the only person in the world who ever knew what he was really thinking and what he was struggling with. If anything was amiss with him, you’d be the first to know. It was okay. Being with him was enough.

Aki managed to find dominance in your kiss even though he was below you and all he could do was hold onto you with his one hand as you moved ever so slowly and lightly along his lap. A voice in the back of your head was screaming at you to stop because Aki was supposed to be resting; but your body was ahead of reason. Some desperate part of you was taking over. There was an urge tugging at your heart and a coil that was twisting in your stomach because you missed him— Even though he was right there, in your arms— You missed him. You were terrified of the past, you were dreading the future, and your whole body was begging to forget it all by simply being with him as a reminder that he was in fact there, that he was real, that he was okay, and that it was enough to be with him in that hotel room as you waited for the power to turn back on.

“Fuck—” Aki slid his hand around you so that he could palm your ass roughly. “Don’t stop—” He was trying to help you in your endeavor to get both of you off through your bathrobes.

But it couldn’t be helped. Even though he was moaning in your mouth as his hand gripped your ass while he moved you back and forth, you had to hesitate just to tear his robe apart, revealing his growing erection. Another minute or so and he’d be ready—

“Fuck, ‘Ki—” You were caught too off guard by him sliding his hand back along your hip and down to your clit that he found so easily, using his fingers expertly to tease the pearl roughly.

There was a bit of urgency to the way both of you were moving, like you needed to fuck each other in the next few seconds or you’d explode; yet it was all still so gentle, quiet, and oddly romantic. Whenever you and Aki were at home together, back when Denji and Power didn’t live with you, the two of you were worse than rabbits, the way you’d fuck constantly. Aki was the adrenaline rush type of guy. He loved finding different ways to please you. This hole, that hole, these fingers, this toy. This kink, that kink. This position, that position. Whatever it took to make you scream his name every day and night, Aki tried it. But there were times, very rarely, honestly, when it came down to basics where it was just you and him and the simple idea of fucking each other. No fancy toys, no crazy kinks, and no planning prior to the sex so that everything was safe and consentual because that was just how crazy it could get sometimes. This was the purest thing it could be: Two people in love who needed each other.

“I’m ready,” you insisted while reaching down to wrap your hand around his length.

Aki hissed at the feeling. “Okay— Fuck—” He moaned your name as you aligned his tip with your slick entrance.

As you slid down slowly onto his length, Aki’s fingers on your clit hesitated for a moment as he forgot how to simply breathe. It wasn’t until you were fully settled down that he finally let out a breath and threw his head back. You took the opportunity to kiss his neck. You nipped and licked enough to make sure that a hickey would surface soon to let the whole world know that you put it there because you loved him because he was only yours. He could make a million contracts with Devils just to sell his soul off— It didn’t matter because his heart was all yours.

“Is it okay if I move?”

Aki nodded eagerly. “Go on.”

With moans escaping both of you simultaneously, you rolled your hips in a circle just to test how deep he could reach inside of you. Aki wasn’t the largest man by any means, but he wasn’t small either. Though he wasn’t very thick, he made up for it in length, which meant that he could hit spots in you that you thought were impossible before you met him. He liked to watch your face burn bright whenever he’d fuck you because you were shocked by him every time. It just seemed outrageous that you’d think he was done but he’d keep going and going until finally his pelvis hit your skin and you knew he’d given you everything. He thought it was entertaining to see you so surprised. But this time, it wasn’t like that. You were on top, ready to take every inch, and you were testing the waters to see where you could get him to go if you rolled your hips left vs. right, and what would happen if you lifted up slightly then rolled around in a circle.

Aki’s fingers flicked your clit whenever you lifted up slightly. If you weren’t down against his thighs, then he had enough room to play with you, which is exactly what he wanted because the whimpers that left your mouth as you bit your lip were just so perfect. And to you, whenever you’d be pressed down all the way, you felt like you were in heaven whenever he’d groan your name. It was like hearing him chant a prayer. The way he’d break with a few curse words and a name of an angel— your name… Fuck, he was perfect.

“I love you.” Aki’s lips captured yours in another passionate kiss.

You could tell that it was difficult for him to find way to keep you closer than you already were, and that was only because he used to dig his fingers into your hips just to make sure you couldn’t get away from him; but without his other arm, he was forgetting how to hold onto you, and you could see it in his lust-heavy eyes that he was worried about losing you. He was probably asking himself what would happen if he didn’t hold you on his lap? Would you groan and go to bed? Absolutely not! He wasn’t less adequate. He wasn’t worth less now. He wasn’t going to lose you. What such stupid thoughts posessed him whenever he was worried about you.

“I love you,” you responded desperately. You needed him to believe you. “I’m not going anywhere.”

He must have known that you knew what he was thinking because his fingers worked faster on your clit and he kissed you so hard you almost got knocked backwards. If it weren’t for the fact that you were holding onto his shoulders, you probably would have fallen onto the floor.

“I love you, baby. Fuck— Love you so, so much.”

You whimpered into the kiss, “‘Ki…”

“Hmm, darling?”

“Don’t stop…”

It was difficult to keep reminding yourself that you needed to put in the work to move around on his cock while he was trying to force you towards an orgasm that you could already anticipate would knock the wind out of you. Somehow he was fine. He was moaning, sure, but he had regained enough sense since throwing his head back to know that it was up to him to keep kissing you and playing with your stiff clit; and you just had to breathe. Just breathe. It didn’t matter that you could feel him so far in you that your legs were shaking. It didn’t matter that you were squeezing so tight around his length that you could feel him twitching as he got close, too. It didn’t matter that you were teetering on the edge. All you wanted was to remind both of you what this all meant: Two people who were madly in love who needed each other.

“I need you, Aki.”

It wasn’t a “need” of the sexual variety— Though that was certainly true, as well. You said it because it meant that you needed him to live. You needed him to find some kind of way to stick around longer than two years. Whatever contract he’d have to make, there had to be some Devil out there who’d like to keep him alive longer than the Curse Devil wanted simply because Aki could be of use. Right? Someone had to want or need him as much as you.

“I know,” he whispered kindly.

It sounded almost like he was taking pity on you— A thought that you could bear, so you hugged him and rested your head on his shoulder as you fucked him faster. You didn’t need him to feel sorry for you, you just needed him to be there, to be enough.

“Darling, I’m close…”

You did your best to maintain your speed and balance as you continued to do what was working. He seemed to love it when he was buried inside of you to the hilt, so you stayed down and grinded on his hips in circles.

“Fuck, darling— Fuck— I’m close— Shit—”

For someone who took pride in his mature vocabulary and “proper” dialect, it was amazing to you that you could break him down to nothing but curse words oh-so-easily.

“In me, ‘Ki,” you begged.

“Shit—”

The knot in your stomach tightened suddenly. The build up went straight down to where you were connected to him, so you instinctively squeezed around his length, forcing him to tip over the edge. You came as he twitched inside of you. A guttural groan left him while he came hard, his cum ending up exactly where you both agreed it belonged.

Your thrusting slowly winded down until you were at a complete stop, both of you panting while you came down from your highs, his cock still a bit hard as he relaxed against the cushions beneath him. You fell into his chest a bit more.

“Won’t you look at me?” he asked you.

With a bit of bravery you managed to conjure up, you lifted your head from his shoulder. It was then that you suddenly noticed that his eyes were watery and red, a sign that he was on the verge of breaking down for the first time in so long.

You panicked and rushed to kiss him. “I’m sorry—”

“I need you, too,” he insisted. “I’ve always needed you.” He kissed you again. “It’ll be okay. I promise. I’ll make it okay. I’m not going anywhere… Not yet at least.”

You hated words like that from him. “Not yet at least.” Couldn’t he just lie and promise that he’d be around forever? Just to make you forget for a little bit longer that the inevitable was on the horizon, that he’d lose more than just his arm, and that you’d eventually miss him and there’d be nothing you could do about it anymore. No more sitting on his lap. No more kissing him. No more hugging his body as he’d cum inside of you. No more hoping and praying that maybe you’d get pregnant and there’d be a part of him to remember him by after he’d die. He could lie to you, and you wouldn’t get mad, so long as it was about him always being there.

“I love you,” was all you could bear to say after you kissed him one last time before resting your head on his shoulder again.

Aki hugged his arm around your body and sniffled. “I love you, too.”

#op #fanfic #aki #chainsaw man #aki hayakawa #aki smut #aki hayakawa smut #csm #chainsaw man smut #aki fanfic #csm smut #csm fanfic #aki hayakawa fanfic #aki angst #aki hayakawa angst #csm angst #chainsaw man angst #chainsaw man manga #chainsaw man manga spoilers

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nanamimizz · 1 year

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tags: comfort fic, slightly angst but mostly fluff, description of injuries, no warnings

synopsis: reality checks in and you and kishibe make a promise to one another

kishibe thinks a reason he loves you so is because you are always there. never do you falter, your life is like a bubble filled with all things you and it’s nice…a break from the danger and thrill that the world of devils and hunters offers. that’s how he likes, it’s how he’s lived it for so long he doesn’t even think if he likes it out of necessity or if he really does.

but he forgets this is new to you. all you know is the media level information of devils, and even less than that of hunters so when he returns to you with gauze around the wound in his chest he doesn’t know how to explain the twisting feeling in his gut as your gaze burns with tears.

he didn’t tell you about it when he arrived at your door. honestly, he doesn’t register pain the way he once did and he only remembers it when you freeze at the sight of the cotton bandage around the expanse of his chest. he doesn’t even know how haunting it is does he? kishibe - the strongest man you’ve ever met standing in your shared room, dress shirt undone and hanging at his sides as you can see fresh purple bruises and gashes litter his chest.

kishibe’s face doesn’t reveal anything, but his heart lurches at how your lips twist into frown. as you make your way to him, crossing the room he keeps his eyes on your face. your hand - frailer, softer compared to the bear paws he got stuck with trace the gauze gently as if your nails might undo the work and leave him bleeding out before you.

this is isn’t the first time he’s made a woman cry but they’ve never been his woman have they?

“what happened?”

“just some debris. was too slow to get out of the way. some pipes got me is all.” he explains to you easily, his own hands settling on your waist to keep you at his side. you nod, absent minded, as if his words where muddled by water and not told before you.

“you okay?”

“i just…i forget how dangerous this is. sometimes, i mean. you always come back fine so seeing this,” you pause to shudder and your fingers rub the material of the gauze and he watches how your eyes scrunch close.”it’s scaring me, i guess. that i am taking you for granted. one day you’ll be gone and i’ll fall apart.” you confess.

he doesn’t say anything for awhile, and lets your words hang heavy in the air as you lower your forehead until it comes to a rest squarely on his chest. your fingers are no longer tracing the gaze but instead the course, silver hair of his chest and stomach and he shivers with your nails thinly run over the bump of scares he’s collected over the years. kishibe feels his shoulders fall at your sadness - falling in love was a gamble he thought he could take, but it’s almost as if you dig your hands into him and pull out the parts of him he thought died somewhere in his career along all his partners.

“i’m sorry. i’ll be more careful.” he murmurs into your hair as he presses a kiss to the top of your head. you nod and he takes that as a ‘thank you.’ dark eyes look down at you - you are shorter than him and he feels something in his chest tighten at how your eyes are rimmed with red and your dewy cheeks.

without hesitation he brings a hand to yours - and places it where his heart slowly but surely beats. your fingers spread, touching the sturdy build of his chest, silver hair reflecting in the light.

“i don’t have much. not in here,” his heart beat stutters under your touch, “but whatever is left, it’s yours. you can do whatever you want with it.”

“what if i what want to do with it - is for you to always bring back to me, safe and sound?” you ask, your own arms wrapping around his middle and pushing yourself close to him. his arm that is free settles around your waist and you feel his palm rub at your spine.

“i’ll do that then. always.” he answers, a promise made to you. there’s no one else he wants to come home to.

you’re all he has left.

#lamb.writes #kishibe x reader #kishibe fluff #kishibe angst #csm fluff #csm angst #chainsaw man x reader #csm x reader

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nkogneatho · 2 years

Text

𝐊𝐈𝐒𝐒 𝐌𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐄𝐏

#𝐇𝐀𝐘𝐀𝐊𝐀𝐖𝐀 𝐀𝐊𝐈

—cw: gn!reader, angst, nightmares, mentions of death, major spoilers, not proofread

—A/n: I need to call my therapist.

#m.list #taglist #jjk car sex series #ko-fi

03:52 am.

You don't remember how your overthinking brought you here. Your lashes felt heavy, the tears won't stop. Aki woke up to the sound of your hiccups. He looked around to confirm where it was coming from. Then his eyes lingered where you were, your hands trying to supress the noise but failing. Even though it was dark, the moon emitted enough light for him to notice the water pearls in your eyes. He didn't turn on the lamp in panic.

He calmly shifted his composure to you, cradling your cheeks he asked, "Baby? What's wrong? Bad dream?" You turned around to apologize for waking him up. But you just nodded in a yes.

"I—I saw that you—*hiccups*—that you were...killed by D-denji," you sobbed. He laughed. He laughed. So hard that tears formed at the corner of his eyes. Why was he laughing?

"Nice one." He stretched his sleeve and wiped your tears. "Do you think I am so weak to be killed by some horny oblivious teenager?" Of course you didn't think that. But Denji was a devil. Even though he had proved that he is on humanity's side, you knew the higher ups were onto something. And if that was true, then it meant death of everyone in the division.

Though you quit long ago, Aki didn't. He felt satisfied with his job even if it came at the risk of him being dead any moment. It feared you. It took over you. Your overthinking was getting worse.

"Aki. You're overlooking the fact that Denji is powerful and potent. You know how this system works." You stared hole at his posture. "I don't want you to die. Can you please quit?"

There was a long pause before his response. "I can't, baby. You know I'll lose a part of myself if I quit." He leaned closer until his faces was just a few centimeters away from yours. "Besides, I am not going to die so soon," he reassured you.

"I am always here. Right by your side." That's all he said before kissing you for maybe hours. Maybe until you were sleeping and not thinking about it.

You unconsciously brushed your lips. They felt dry. Not the lips that are being kissed. You opened your eyes and found yourself in your empty apartment. No sign of your boyfriend beside you. Maybe he left early today, you thought.

"Are! What's this?" You felt your eyes being so heavy. Tears dried up at your cheeks, some still falling and being absorbed into your pillow covers. Ah. Then it clicked you.

Aki isn't at work. In fact, he wasn't even in your bed. He can't be. Because you remember Kishibe giving you the worst news of your life. Three words. It takes three words to change a person's life. Three words that Aki told you giving you a new life. The I love you. Three words Kishibe said that made your world escalate. Aki is dead.

It had been a month. You recall the last night you spent together all the time. You aren't sure if it's a nightmare or a happy dream. You like imagining him kissing you but hate not actually having him right beside you.

Now that you recall, when you told Aki about your dream, he wasn't laughing at the joke. He was laughing at the irony. About how he had a premonition about his death and you, a dream. Those weren't tears from laughing too hard.

Those were tears of apology, guilt and regret. Apology for lying to you that he won't die so soon. Guilt for showing you so many dreams knowing he won't be there to fulfill them. And lastly, regret. For not kissing you longer every night.

Taglist: @dukina @koifish69 @psycho-nightrose @adorzora @chosoisbaby @xo-lynx @sleepy3 @lxlxthh @somerandompipzsxh @sauza @narmisseite @rii-bows @lordbugs @hanmasbunny @kawaiitoga @m00k83 @lumpywolf

#csm x reader #csm angst #aki x reader #aki hayakawa x reader #chainsaw man #chainsaw man x reader #chainsaw man angst #hayakawa aki x reader #aki hayakawa #csm #csm x you #aki x y/n #csm drabbles #csm spoilers

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nejiverse · 1 year

Note

just red your Aki fics with the family and omg.

but then my head goes to thinking about Y/n finding out about Aki’s death.

and it just breaks my heart as like an AU.

if possible can you write that but not cannon to what you’ve written just as an alternate thing

ONE MORE TIME

Aki Hayakawa

writing this kinda pinched my heart a little 🥲

cw: hyperventilation, angst

919 words

Y/n paced around the office nervously. Biting down on her nails wouldn’t be enough to contain her anxiousness at the current moment.

This feeling was of course normal and natural. It was part of the system that evolved to keep people safe and well. It was an alarm system of sorts, one you should heed.

One you should always heed.

Unfortunately this time, she chose to ignore it because of her lover’s persistence and eagerness.

News was received that there was more information on the gun devil’s whereabouts and Aki was so quick to accept the mission.

Y/n knew the reasons as to why he wanted to pursue the Gun devil but she also worried for his safety.

She tried, she really did.

She tried to talk him out of it because of the feeling that was welling deep inside her chest, a feeling of uneasiness.

He managed to calm her down by promising to come back alive and well.

“I’ll never forgive him if he breaks his promise”, she said with bated breath.

“All that worrying won’t do you any good Y/n. Try to calm down”, Himeno tapped her shoulder with her cigarette, offering it to her but she shrugged her off.

She never smoked, she didn’t like when Aki did it either, but old habits die hard as they say.

These next few hours of her life would either pass as a blip or they would be the final trauma that breaks her. Soon enough, she would find it to be the latter.

The next sound that was heard was the hinges of the door squeaking open, alerting the two women that someone was stepping in.

It was a man Y/n remembered to have accompanied Aki on his mission.

She looked up to him with hopeful eyes, she figured no words had to be said from her. Her pupils and facial expressions clearly displayed what she wanted to know.

“The mission was a success..”, he started.

Y/n let out a sigh from deep down in her chest, a small smile making way to her lips. That meant Aki was alive and breathing, or so she concluded.

“I’m glad to hear that”, she gently clasped her hands together against her chest. “Where’s Aki right now?”, she asked happily.

When she saw the man’s features dulling, her smiled faded as fast as her hands unclasped. She frantically looked from the man to Himeno in disbelief.

“H-he’s fine, right?”.

No response.

But the silence spoke louder than any words could. In fact, the silence laughed at her. It mocked her as if to brag of its undeserving feat.

Terror overtook her face and sadness clouded her heart.

“Don’t tell me…”, her voice was barely audible. “I l-lost him?”.

She lost him.

“I’m sorry”, the man clenched his fists in a useless attempt to stop tears from threatening his eyes. He quickly exited the room so he wouldn’t have to hear her weeps. It was futile though.

Y/n found that she couldn't draw in her usual lung-full, as if concrete had been poured into her airways. She clutched her shirt tightly into her fist.

The panic drove her to start gasping, breathing as if the oxygen had been sucked from the air around her. Y/n doubled over and fell to her knees, one weak hand on the ground to support her weight.

Already her thoughts were becoming jumbled, like she was in a nightmare rather than the simplistic office.

Himeno quickly rushed to her side and embraced her tightly.

“Let it all out. You can cry, it’s okay”, Himeno rubbed her back and squeezed her eyes shut as to ensure no tears slip down her cheeks.

Y/n knew how things would go from here. They would all act as if it were a noble sacrifice for their sake, that by loving his memory, the mourning would become a wholesome and wonderful thing. But the truth was they were cowards, every last one of them in this dammed association.

“So…cruel”, she murmured through her tears. It was cruel that none of them were willing to see the difference between honourable self sacrifice and murder. She hoped guilt will one day destroy them from the inside out.

Y/n let out a scream as tears came out of her eyes in pools and her nails dug into Himeno’s arm.

Aki didn’t deserve an early death.

“Please Himeno..”, she wailed, almost like a child as she averted her half-lidded and heavily red eyes to the woman who was embracing her. “Bring him b-back, Aki”, she stuttered through her quick huffs, her shoulders shaking uncontrollably.

Himeno pursed her lips. She didn’t know what to say. She didn’t think there were any words to console her at this moment in time. She could only offer her presence.

All she ever prayed for was to be in his arms forever. His love was everything to her. He made her feel so good about herself, he was kind to her, so very kind.

She would do absolutely anything to just hold him one more time.

But that was a wish that could only be granted in her dreams,

For these hours were only the start of the longest and darkest night there ever was.

Masterlist :)

a/n: I love writing angst, also no manga spoilers please

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obitohno · 1 year

Text

hanah(aki)

hayakawa aki x reader

synopsis ⤸

aki is literally willing to die for you.

themes ⤸

gn! reader, 18+, hanahaki disease, pining, unrequited love, angst, mentions of blood, lots of angst, major character death, sad ending, even more angst

word count ⤸

2.3k (unedited)

a/n ⤸

i rarely post anything that isn’t smut related, so this is a nice change,, but maybe not so nice bc it’s actually a sad one, n i really hurt my own feelings whilst writing this, oops. still, pls let me know what you think!

reblogs are appreciated ~

it is the dawn of spring when the very first petal flutters from between aki’s lips, its velvet-like texture tickling at his nerves as it gently settles into the palm of his right hand.

surprise renders him motionless, the dark hue of his ocean-coloured irises boring into the rosey toned flesh of what appears to be some sort of shrub-like flower, the petal flat and round. he stares, an ache gnawing at the centre of his chest—caused by the heavy bout of coughing that had stolen his breath just a few moments before—and stares some more.

aki winces.

he isn’t stupid. in the last month, he’s lost count of how often his breath has been choked from out of his lungs, left wheezing as his ribs rapidly expanded in a desperate attempt to just fucking breathe.

his throat has suffered, strained raw with the efforts of a continuous cough that has only worsened, and now, his palm bares the evidence that he can no longer feign indifference to. again, he isn’t stupid; he’s heard the rumours, tales of people who have had the misfortune of contracting the very disease that cannot be cured. curiosity had had him studying the statistics long before his own symptoms had appeared (the irony, he thinks, bitterly), and so, he’s not oblivious enough to pretend that his chances of survival are high.

he scoffs—a mistake, for yet another cough is torn from the back of his throat—and exhales a sigh that rattles his rib cage. he continues to stare at the palm of his hand, and as he does so, the face that he then imagines is your own. only, doing so hurts, and another short breath trembles from out of his mouth. a forced laugh follows, and his spare hand comes to massage at the dull throb that pulses at his breastbone.

gods. if only you could see him now.

it’s been some weeks since he’d last heard from you—you’ve been busy with work, as your texts had read, but unbeknownst to you, it was denji who had blurted the news that you’d actually gotten yourself a new boyfriend. aki still remembers how the truth of your absence had hurt more than he had been willing to admit, and it was around then that his cough had began to worsen.

he allows himself to recall that he’s yet to reply to your last message—sent well over a week ago, now—but when his eyes dart over to where his mobile phone has been discarded on the coffee table, hesitation twists knots into the depths of his stomach. aki is no fool. in the arms of another man, he knows that you’re happier without him, even if the acknowledgment tastes bitter on the flat of his tongue. the fingers of his right hand curl, and he listens to the satisfying crunch! that follows as his fist squeezes tight.

the crumpled remains of the petal are carelessly thrown into the bin, and along with it, disappears any temptation of contacting you.

๑

somehow, aki manages an entire week without coughing. it’s the easiest that he’s breathed in over a month, but just as he’s starting to suspect that maybe his symptoms had been a fluke after all, one evening, his mobile phone alights with a notification, and it is your name that flashes across the screen. immediately, his spine is curling in on itself, and his chest heaves so horribly that it feels as if his ribs will burst with the effort. the attack lasts for just under a minute, and when it’s over, there is a metallic aftertaste, unpleasant as it clings to the roof of his mouth. this time, there are two petals, one perfectly formed, and the other, a tad rough around the edges, translucent enough that he can make out the wispy trails of its veins.

with trembling fingers, he traces over the surface, dampened by the warmth of his own saliva, and he bites into the plush of his bottom lip as he stares and stares and stares.

he isn’t sure how long he sits there, the dip and rise of his breathing now broken once more, and when he feels the vibration of his mobile springing to life from where it has landed by his feet, he kicks it under the coffee table, frustration forcing a dry sob from out of his mouth. again, his chest hurts, yet this time, the press of his fingers does little to ease the ache. the roar of his blood thundering in his eardrums is deafening, and the thud, thud, thud of his pulse beats a desperate tune at the base of his throat. this time hurts worse than the last, and it takes longer for him to catch his breath. eventually, he is able to ease himself upright once more, but a sudden bout of dizziness has him squinting, temples throbbing as he rasps a curse word from under his breath.

half an hour ticks by before he forces himself to his feet, and when he does, the two petals are disposed of in the same manner as the first. his mobile phone lays, ignored, under the coffee table.

๑

he looks like shit.

his mouth tastes like shit.

and he feels even worse than shit.

the attacks are becoming more frequent now, and it’s starting to become harder to hide. talking has become a task in itself, and every other word has discomfort clenching at his abdominal muscles. thus, he starts to avoid denji’s calls. only, the blonde is insistent, and when the ugly pang of guilt leaves him sneering down at the little red circle that reads thirty-seven missed calls, he decides to power off the device and lock it away in the bottom drawer of his bedside table. not long after, his employer kindly allows him to take an extended leave of absence from work.

the days are lonely, wallowing in his own misery within the solitude of the empty walls of his apartment. he kids himself into thinking that maybe isolation is the cure to this torment, and with no one to talk to, surely there is no way that he can be reminded of you.

only, with no job to distract him, with no denji to bother him, he is now powerless to the dreams of you that begin to plague his slumber. more often than not, he wakes with the curve of his cheek pillowed by a nest of freshly spewed petals that have now morphed into buds that are expelled within varying stages of bloom. the change is one that leaves him haunted by how easily he accepts it, long defeated by the time he wakes in the middle of a particularly horrid attack that has him panicking upon the realisation that he can’t breathe, can’t breathe, c-can’t fucking breathe—he chokes, suffocating, and just when his vision swims, he finally heaves, vomiting a bloodied concoction of crimson-stained buds all over the sheets. in the middle of his lap, snow-tinted petals now glued together with the thickened red of his own blood, lies the very first perfectly formed flower.

the peony is small in size, tiny enough to sit in the palm of his hand, and with a wet, rattling laugh, aki blacks out.

when he comes to, some hours have passed, and that single flower has been joined by several others. dazed, he can do little more than blink up at the ceiling, a single track of salted liquid trickling down the stretch of his temple before it melds into the unkempt tresses of his hair.

another hour passes before he musters the energy to tear the sheets from the mattress, stumbling as he drags them toward the kitchen. only, he doesn’t make it that far. another assault has him collapsing to his knees, barely catching his balance on the dresser before his forehead collides with it. on his hands and knees, he retches, spittle splattering a mess all over his fingers, and with a sickening squelch, it is a small cluster of leaves that are spat out onto the lino flooring.

the hues of green are mottled with red.

his grip on the dresser slips, and there is a rough crack! that renders him unconscious once more.

๑

just a day later, hunger coaxes him from the safety of his apartment. the cupboards are empty, the lining of his stomach as equally bare, and despite the fact that his left eye is now marred an ugly shade of mauve, he has no choice but to venture into the town centre.

it’s a mistake that’ll soon prove fatal.

the familiarity of summer’s humidity licks at the surface of his skin, and it’s a struggle to repeatedly blink away the static that swarms at his peripheral vision as he trudges his way through the crowds. still, he manages to make it to the convenience store, pointedly ignoring the cashier’s open gawking at the state of his face as he throws down the required amount of cash onto the counter and making his exit as swiftly as he’s able.

he’s barely crossed the threshold when an all-too familiar voice sings the syllables of his name.

it’s instinct, how quickly he turns to seek the owner, and then he spots you, rushing towards him at a pace that would’ve worried him if not for the fact that just a single intake of air makes him realise that he can breathe.

he’s forgotten just long it’s been since he saw you last, and yet, the relief is instant.

the weight of your embrace collides with his chest so roughly that he is forced to gasp a laugh into the scent of your hair, your arms coiling tight around his waist. you’re rambling something into the crook of his collarbone, but he can’t process a single word that you’re saying, deafened by the overwhelming ease of which air is sucked into the cocoon that forms the shape of both of his lungs.

he can’t even focus on the smell of you, his fingertips trembling as he presses them to your shoulder blades, tugging you just that little bit closer. the heat of you should’ve been stifling, especially in this weather, and yet, the longer the two of you stand there, the easier it is to inhale. but, all too soon, something akin to fire burns at the back of his throat, and before he can stop it, his eyes are leaking tear tracks down the curves of his cheeks, and a dry sob is choked over your shoulder. he feels you stiffen, a question exhaled into the fabric of his shirt, and there, he knows that you can hear the jump of his pulse, the tempo rapid, uneven, tainted by the rattle that haunts his every breath.

‘aki?’

the very moment you murmur his name, a second voice calls yours from somewhere behind you, and when aki’s eyes snap upwards, his gaze zeros in on the very man whom you’d chosen instead of him.

ice freezes his veins and there’s a lump wedging itself in the back of his throat.

shit.

a hand slapped over his mouth, he’s extracting himself from the tangle of your arms, and it takes several attempts for him to forcibly swallow down the leaves that scratch at his tonsils. his throat constricts, and he knows that if he looks at your face once more, he’ll have no choice but to empty the contents of his stomach by your feet.

and he can’t do that to you.

a bitter, twisted part of him wishes to know if you’d feel remorse for rendering him to such an empty shell of who he once was, knowing that his demise will be your fault because you’d been too blind to see what you could have had with him, instead.

as soon as the thought comes, it is quashed by the nauseating guilt that swells in his veins. he cannot blame you for his own inability to muster the courage to confess the extent of his feelings. nor is it your crime that has left him in such a state—the blame can only be placed upon himself.

it is no fault of yours that you’ll never comprehend what it’s like to literally adore someone to death.

and he hopes, truly, that you’ll never have to.

he thinks that he manages to whisper your name one last time, but he isn’t too sure, the low baritone of his voice now warped around the shape of yet another cluster of petals that threaten to spew from the cavern of his mouth. lash-line shimmering with unshed tears, he allows himself the luxury of drinking in the features of your face for a final time—because gods, you’re so fucking beautiful—before he tears himself away from the reach of your outstretched fingers. you’re following, bewilderment pinching a frown between your brows, and as much as he wishes to smooth it out with the pad of his thumb, he forces a wobbly smile that doesn’t reach his eyes, and then he’s disappearing out of your line of sight, dropping his carrier bag in his rush to escape.

he can hear the screech of his name that haunts him all the way back to the safety of his apartment, and just as he’s kicking the door shut behind him, he’s collapsing to his knees yet again. he’s retching, yet again, suffocating on the extent of his own affections, yet again. his vision is darkening, and he’s sobbing a wet, bloodied mess all over the floor, yet again.

yet again, yet again. yet again.

his fingers are buried within the sopping heap that splatters to the floor, and his spine curves as he heaves, heaves, heaves. finally, something gives under the pressure, and there’s a sickening snap! that has a garbled howl of pain bubbling around a mournful pitch of your name, and with a heavy thud, he slumps to the ground.

and doesn’t rise again.

a week later, when his corpse is discovered, it is a singular peony that now resides in the space of which his heart once sung;

in full bloom.

#♡ jordy is writing ♡#csm #csm x reader #csm x you #aki x reader #aki x you #aki hayakawa x reader #aki hayakawa x you #csm aki #aki angst #csm angst

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chainsawman-writings · 1 year

Text

Everything (Angel Devil x GN!Reader)

A/n: First post here, and I'm happy to be writing more than just one fandom. As a greeting gift, enjoy some sad shit.

Warnings: Cursing, sad shit, sad boy Angel

~~~

I didn't know how much I needed Angel, at first, I thought he was just a hindrance, just another devil to make my life harder. The more time I spent with him, the more I realized just how good of a being he was. Damn, he truly felt human, like someone I could trust with my life.

Before I knew it, I was longing to spend more time with him, longing to feel his presence. Did I know if he felt the same way? Hell no, his face was too unreadable. All I noticed was the subtle change of color on his cheeks as he looked at me. Soon enough, Makima made us roommates. I wasn't complaining, and neither was Angel.

It took me seeing him in a vulnerable state before I truly understood him.

"Hey, Angel?" I knocked on his door, "You gonna come out to eat?"

"No..." His muffled voice came through the door, "I'm not hungry..."

I thought for a moment before replying, "Can I come in?"

There were a few seconds of audible shifting noises before I heard Angel's voice again, "Sure..."

I opened the door slowly and shut the door behind me. It took me a minute to process the sight in front of me. Angel was curled up in his bed, blankets draped over him as he faced away from me. I could hear him sniffling.

"Angel, what's the matter?"

"Nothing..." His wings sagged into the mattress, "I'm okay..."

"Angel."

"Don't worry about me, I can handle it..."

Damn. I had never wanted to hug someone more in my life. Seriously, the thought of holding him in my arms while gently stroking his wings was a dream I always wished to achieve.

"Angel, can I ask something?"

He turned to face me with red eyes, "What...?"

"If I were to, you know, hug you, how much life would that take?"

"Don't." He warned, "I don't need that..."

"Come on, can't you tell me?"

He sighed, "Maybe... 6 months or so...? But do-"

I didn't let him finish his sentence before pulling him into a hug. Despite seeming hesitant, eventually, he wrapped his arms around me and nestled into my chest, sobbing softly into my chest.

"Why would you... do that...?" He choked through tears.

"Isn't it obvious?" I rested my head on his head, "I care about you."

He relaxed a bit, "You're the first person to hug me..."

"Seems like a total loss on their part. Come on, tell me everything."

~~~

Masterlist

#csm angel #csm #chainsaw man #chainsaw man angel devil #angel devil #angel devil x reader #csm x male reader #csm x reader #csm x you #chainsaw man x reader #csm angst #chainsaw man angst #chainsaw man manga #chainsaw man anime #csm manga #csm anime

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beabeemu · 1 year

Text

-Tulips

Aki hayakawa x reader

MASTER LIST ; Taglist Form

ModernAU, Aki is a bit ooc (i think) Warnings: HEAVY ANGST, confusion, and yeah

“Let’s break up”

“What?”

“I don’t love you anymore,” she said sternly, unfaltering.

“What are you talking about? Y/N come on lets talk about this” She had already stood up, and he was getting desperate.

“There’s nothing to talk about, Like I said I want to break up. You can’t force me to stay in a relationship I don’t want to be in” She looked tired, she was really tired, ‘she wants to leave’ he thought, ‘why, what did I do’.

“No,” he said, not letting everything end, not like this

“Give me a reason, or else I’m burning every letter that you’ve sent me”

The letters.

The letters that she had sent him back when they weren’t living under the same roof, back when they were still an ocean away from each other. Where she would write at the beginning of every letter

My Dearest, Aki

Oh how he missed those days, he wished that he could go back, to when they were both just silly kids, sending letters to each other every summer. But now that they have a much stronger connection they couldn’t last a day without each other, but now, it felt like they were being tested.

She was shocked for a second, for a millisecond, but he didn’t miss it, he didn’t miss the slight regret that showed in her eyes, which were immediately covered by the same pair of cold eyes that she came in with.

“Fine do it, I don’t care” she turned and went for the door, but he stopped her and hugged her from behind. He hadn’t noticed it but tears were already spilling from his eyes.

“Please don’t leave,” he said, but he couldn’t hide his despair, he had shown her through his words how he was truly feeling, how much this is affecting him.

“Please, say that you were joking, I won’t be mad I promise” His hug was becoming unbearable, Y/N tried her best to pry his arms off, but she was slowly dragging the both of them to the door now.

She finally got him off, she faced him, and for a second she doubted her decision, ‘is this the best way’ she thought, but reminding herself that this was the best thing that she can do for him, and decided to go through with it, despite the damages she’s doing to the both of them, this was better than rather having him right beside her through only pain and suffering and only be met with a dead end.

“aki, please…”

“Please what ?!?! Why are you doing this!??! What’s wrong please just tell me, don’t leave me, please” He cried even more, he tried to wipe them off, but everything was just too much.

“Fine! Do you want a reason!?!? I got accepted to that boarding school in France, I’m moving tomorrow.”

“W-what?

Come on, Love we don’t have to break up, we can do long distance, love just please, don’t leave me. We managed to do it before so what’s the difference now?”

“No, Things were different back then, We were different back then and I don’t want you to be in a relationship where you’ll only get hurt”

He knew what you were doing, he had told you last year, “I don’t want to hold you back,” he said. “I want you to pursue your dreams,” he said.

“But what if we’re one of those couples who can't do long distance?”

“Then I’ll let you go, I dont want to tie you down to me, I dont want to be the reason why you wouldn’t leave, So dont be scared to go, even if it hurts me,” he said….

No, he promised.

“You said that I can go”

He didn’t respond, more like he couldn’t.

She went to the door, but he couldn’t stop her.

And now he was the only one tied down, tied down… to that same apartment, to that town, To everything that you had loathed.

But what he didn’t know was that you were bearing a much more heavy burden than him.

—---------

It’s been 6 months ever since their breakup, and her condition had gotten worse.

But staying in France has been compensating for that, kinda.

She knows that it wasn't real, that the person sitting in the chair beside her wasn't real, aki wasn't here, that’s not him. She had to keep reminding herself that SHE had left him, she left him in their home, she needed to remind herself that he wasn’t gonna come back or else she might start talking to it.

It started small, first shooting stars, the same ones that they had seen together, but when she called the nurse to show her, she felt embarrassed, while the skies were showering in HER eyes, there was nothing but darkness to the nurses.

The second one was when she thought she was seeing her mother. But that was impossible

She’s been dead since the second she was born. Someone that she had only seen in pictures, never in real life.

She had begun to realize that hallucinating wasn’t her cup of tea.

She also realized that sleeping was something you shouldn’t take for granted, for days on end, she had wished for her old self to sleep more.

because in the future she couldn’t do that anymore.

Over time, she started losing her ability to walk and talk and eat basic food groups. Now they were feeding her through a tube, and in bedrest for, well…. Until she dies. She suggested to the doctors to pull the plug, but they weren’t there to play God.

She even thought that she could just take her own life, and that landed her in therapy sessions every afternoon and a doctor nearby.

She wanted to contact him and had the desire to do so but she didn’t want to be an asshole.

And she didn’t want to bring him any more burdens, she knew how it would look.

Coming back after 6 months to announce that she’s sick and is bound to die someday? No, she doesn’t get to do that, she wouldn’t let herself do that to him. Not when she had broken him to pieces.

She stared at hallucination aki, ever since he came, he had never left. He was just there, sitting.

Sometimes he would be reading something or trying to talk to her, and sometimes she couldn’t resist, at times she would respond, and she would laugh with herself, alone in that forsaken room.

The doctors told her that he wasn’t real, that it was all in her head.

“I know,” she said

“This would be the last place he’ll ever be in”

—-

She was feeling it now. Something that she thought she would never feel again.

The feeling of tiredness, the need to close your eyes to sleep.

She had wondered who was the guy sitting beside her, it felt that she knew him, like they’d known each other for several years.

The doctors had given her a heads-up a few months ago, that there was a chance that she might lose some of her memories. So she figured that she must’ve known this man beside her.

But no matter how hard she tried to remember, she couldn’t.

There was a scene playing in front of her now, a little girl who looked like she walked across the room to the man, she handed her a letter and hid behind the other side of the bed, she seemed embarrassed and flustered. The man looked confused, he looked at the letter, he opened it and started reading.

After reading he smiled at the girl, who was now sitting in the bed beside Y/N. It looked like he was smiling directly at Y/N and not at the little girl.

He went up to them and picked up the little girl. He reached for his back pocket and gave the little girl a tulip. Y/N always liked tulips, and she loved it even more when he… when he…

Y/N stopped for a moment, what was she thinking about?

Oh right tulips, he used to give me those back when we were…. Were…

Fuck what was it?

Y/N hated it when she couldn’t complete her train of thought, she felt frustrated and stupid, and helpless.

The man and the little girl walked away from her.

She must have been really out of it cause the door opened again and in comes the same man, in the same clothes, the same hairstyle, but to her, he seemed older ‘how could he be older? He looks the same, he looks the same as when he was sitting in the chair beside her for months

Except he wasn’t he was the real deal, the doctors had figured that it was Y/N’s time now, so her dad contacted aki, it was the least they could do.

HE sat at the chair as he had always done. He took my hand, kissed it, and said “How are you, my love”

“I’m sorry I’m late. I’m so sorry that you had to go through that alone”

I’m so tired

To y/n a few seconds had passed, but to aki, it's been 30 minutes, and he was laying down with her now. Her eyes were starting to close now, not wanting you to see him cry he hugged you close, carefully trying to avoid the tubes that were hooked on you.

He started muttering words, she was too tired to process them, one thing she did pick up was

I love you

She patted him on the arm, and finally closed her eyes.

The sound of the flatline erupted in the room, and people started flooding in, but they didn’t push aki away, looking at him with pity. You could tell that a part of her remembered, remembered their ever-changing love over time, their undying love. Because her hand was on him, he was clutching it now, but they knew that she had moved and that she cared about him. The nurses figured that he was the guy that Y/N was talking about, the guy in the chair.

The one who didn’t leave her.

And never once did he leave her.

-end

your likes and reblogs are always appreciated!!!

#aki hayakawa #chainsaw man #aki hayakawa x reader #aki hayakawa x y/n #aki hayakawa x you #aki hayakawa x female reader #csm angst #anime #chainsaw man x reader #chainsaw man x y/n #chainsaw man x you #anime angst

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perfectly-unsad · 1 year

Text

Why Not Me

Pairings - fem!reader x Aki Hayakawa

Warnings - 18+, slight NSFW, reader is a little crazy and obsessive, lying about contraceptive, Aki is a little mean, angst, hurt no comfort, unreciprocated feelings, colleagues with benefits, not proof read, I wrote this at like 3am last night pls

Word count - 2.2k

A/n - I know I said I’d do a Halloween one shot but… I cannot get Aki off my mind, I’m sorry! I’m still working on it though, but in the meantime please enjoy this Aki angst!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

God, he was so perfect.

He held his hand close to his face, deeply inhaling the cigarette placed carefully between his fingers. Grey ash replaced the red hot end of his vice as the smoke lifted into the air above him. His eyes stared straight ahead at the wall, his hair tied up with a few uncharacteristic messy strands that had come lose and framed his face nicely. His skin was slightly shiny from the sweat of your recent 'session'.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" He asked in a gentle voice, but didn't shift his gaze from the wall ahead.

"Because you're pretty." You smile to yourself as you looked at him, completely enamoured with his beauty while laying on your side. You always complimented him. He deserved it. He was pretty.

"Shouldn't I be saying that to you?" He questioned, taking another puff of his cigarette. His forearms wrapped in tight, clean bandages like usual.

Whilst you complimented him frequently, he rarely did the same.

He complimented you on your work, as did others. You were a good Devil Hunter after all, it was only natural to get that kind of praise, but what you longed for was... more. Would it be so hard for him to tell you how beautiful you were? Would it physically pain him to express any kind of intimacy? You kept telling yourself that was just how he was. He had a very difficult life, he would open up eventually, wouldn't he?

"Well, you don't." You mumbled under your breath, regretting it as soon as it left your mouth. You loved spending time with him, but you couldn't help but feel that the feeling was not mutual. He didn't kick you out of his bed, and he seemed relieved to have someone as reliable as you on missions with him, but beyond that you may as well be strangers.

"Hmm?" He hummed clearly he hadnt been paying attention to what you were saying, his bare chest falling as he exhaled more smoke, finally glancing at you who lay beside him with a defeated look on your face.

"Nothing." You reply with a sigh, rolling onto your back to look up at the ceiling while pulling the blanket up to cover your chest. How long had you been entranced by Aki? It must be coming up to a year since you first slept together. Perhaps you ought to give up on the hope of this developing into an actual relationship.

Afterall, you couldn't compete with, Her.

Her, who was so beautiful she seemed to bewitch just about every man she came in contact with. Her, who could have anyone wrapped around her little finger in mere moments. No, you were nothing compared to Her. You, who had to work for months to get Aki to even notice you. You, who only managed to sleep with him for the first time after you had both been drinking too much, but not enough to forget how he called out Her name instead of yours. You, who would lap up any sort of conversation or affection you could get from him.

You couldn't pretend like it didn't hurt to see how quickly he moved to answer Her calls, how he blushed when She gave him any kind of compliment but barely reacted to you doing the same, or how he would fix himself up in the reflection of the window before the two of you entered Her office to deliver a mission report. He didn't need to, he always looked good, but "good" didn't seem to be enough for Her. It was for you though.

"Are you going to spend the night?" He asked, pulling you from your thoughts as he extinguished the end of his cigarette in the ash tray beside his bed.

"Do you want me to?" You asked, turning your head to look at him. He shrugged at your question, and you wondered if he truly cared so little after all this time that he couldn't see how much his indifference stung you.

"If you want." He replied casually. He probably didn't mean to hurt your feelings, but he was so good at doing that. What hurt more was that he didn't even seem to realise he had hurt your feelings, he never noticed the way the glimmer in your eyes faded whenever he inadvertently tossed you aside. "What are you thinking about?" He questioned your silence, again yanking you from your thoughts which made you notice only now how close he had gotten to your face.

"Nothing." You said quietly, little more than a whisper. You knew he wouldn't press the issue, he didn't really care. You felt his gentle touch on your chin, inching your face upwards until his lips met yours in a soft kiss. Here was the affection you had been craving. His soft, gentle touch, unsullied by the suggestion of something more.

You could love him like this. Everything felt right when he kissed you like this. All the reservations your mind was holding onto, all the times you felt heartsore and second best completely overshadowed by your hearts burning desire to be loved like this, by him.

God, he was so perfect.

He placed one of his hands on your waist, pulling your closer to him and deepening the kiss. You could feel how unsatisfied he was with just this kiss, this kiss that had made your entire world shake. Who were you to refuse him though? You'd accept any sliver of intimacy you could get from Aki, all of it was better than none of it.

You shifted yourself to straddle him, you chest pressed against his as his tongue met yours in a wet embrace. Your hips gave a slight twitch at the feeling of him hardening against your still wet slit from your previous 'encounter' only a few minutes prior.

"You sure you can go again? You don't want to rest for a bit?" You asked against his lips, a part of you hoping he would choose to rest, even if it was for just a few moments more so that you could continue to rest beside him.

"Let me grab another condom." He huffed, leaving another sloppy kiss on your lips before reaching his hand to open his bedside table in search of the protection.

"I'm on the pill." You stated, reaching your hand out to gently grab his, hoping to distract him from his search.

You were lying. You weren't on the pill, you just wanted to feel him inside of you unrestricted. You wanted him to finish inside, to fill you with as much as you could milk out of him. You just wanted all of him.

Perhaps that's why he preferred Her. You had read online that men didn't like women who made themselves "too available", whatever the fuck that meant. You knew it was wrong to lie to him like this, She would never do this. She would never try and control him like this, but you couldn't stop yourself. You'd do anything to have him completely. It wasn't that you wanted to get pregnant per se, you just wanted to be connected to him, was that so wrong? Wouldn't he have to love you if you had his child? Wouldn't he have to care about you? Even if he didn't, at least then you'd have a piece of him.

"When did you start?" He asked, fully breaking apart from kissing you now. He had always been incredibly vigilant about protection, even when you two were drunk he made sure to wear it.

"A few weeks ago," You said hurriedly and kissed him again, "please Aki, just fuck me, I'll do whatever you say, please." You begged, moving your kisses to his jaw and neck careful not to leave any traces of you behind as you remembered how annoyed he had gotten the last time you left a visible hickey on his neck. You grind your hips against his until you could feel him throbbing beneath you, a deep moan falling from his lips.

"You're such a slut for me aren't you?" He teased, a cruel smirk on his lips as he placed one of his hands on your hip, the other he used to grab his base and rub his tip across the length of your entrance, coating it in your slick before lining it up.

You bit your lip in anticipation, your brain only focusing on how it would feel to have his cum stuffed inside of you, filling you up so completely that the excess would spill from your hot cunt.

"Yes, I am, all I can think about is your cock, its all I want, pl-" You were cut off by the sound of his phone vibrating from the table beside him. You both glanced over to the source of the disturbance instinctively.

Makima

Your heart sunk in your chest as if a heavy weight had been dropped directly through your body, the only thing that could ruin this moment that you had been waiting so long for. "Aki, please don't." You pleaded quickly, as if you could read his mind, a desperate attempt to steal his thoughts away from her.

"It won't be long, I promise." He said as he let go of his dick and reached for his phone, the movement of his arm stretching out to grab it pushing you off of him.

Did that really just happen? This had to be a dream. There's no way he- "Hi, Makima, what can I do for you?" Her words weren't audible, but you could hear her voice on the other end of the call.

You sat beside him for a brief moment, stunned in silence at what had just happened. You had overlooked so much when it came to Aki, hoped you'd be able to win him over one day, get him to see that She didn't care about him like you did but this was the final straw. You couldn't do this anymore.

Without saying a word you got up from his bed, picking your clothes up off the floor that you had previously so enthusiastically discarded. In the background, Akis obedient chorus' of "yes", "okay" and "alright" could be heard occasionally.

"Where are you going? I told you it wouldn't be long." Aki asked once he had hung up the phone, but by now you were fully dressed, except for your socks. He had moved across the bed to gently grab your hand in his, hoping to encourage you to finish what had been started, however you were quick to snatch your grasp out of his.

"Don't touch me, Aki, seriously don't." You snapped, you had hoped to sound stern and unwavering but the crack in your voice as you fought back tears gave you a different vibe.

"Woah, why are you suddenly so upset? I can't ignore her, she's our boss." He reasoned. For someone so smart, he really was a dumbass.

"Are you serious?" You scoffed, pausing briefly to look back at him, clear confusion in his eyes. He really didn't understand why you were so upset. "You're so obsessed with her Aki, it's not normal! You think a normal guy would literally pull out of someone just because their boss called? I'm done always being second place to her!" You turned away from him as tears stung your eyes and you worked on putting your socks on.

"You don't need to leave, y/n, just calm down for a minute." He reached his hand out to grab yours again, but hesitated when he remembered your previous reaction to that. He seemed lost, usually you would give in under his touch, this was the first time you had refused him this way and he didn't know what to do.

"Aki, I love you, but I can't do this anymore, it's killing me. It's me, or Her." You finally said, standing up with your shoes in hand as you spun around to look at him, tears staining your cheeks. Even through your tears you could see how beautiful he was, even when he was stressed he was just so devastatingly beautiful that it hurt.

With every second that passed in silence as he considered your words, you felt your heart being ripped apart. You realised the precarious situation you were now in, you had just completely thrown your feelings at him and demanded he pick his priority, here and now, and you already knew his answer.

"Don't ask me to choose between you and her." He finally said in a heavy tone, shaking his head slightly but never looking away from you.

"Why? Because you'll choose her?" You sniffed, your voice devoid of any hope your heart had clung to. "But if she asked you to choose, you'd pick her, right?" You hoped he could hear the devastation in your voice.

"Look, it's not like I don't care about you it's just that-"

"Just that I don't compare to her." You wiped your tears away with your hand as you walked towards the door. "I'll see you in work, Aki."

"Y/n, come on..." Aki called out with a sigh before you shut the door behind you, as soon as he was out of sight your face crumbled as you cried and headed for the exit.

#csm x reader #aki hayakawa x reader #aki x reader #aki hayakawa #anime x y/n #anime x reader #csm aki #csm angst #anime oneshot #anime #chainsaw man #csm manga

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aveegrex · 2 years

Text

ASHES TO ASHES

we're now the same age

genre: angst pairing: kishibe x gn! afab! reader word count: 0,5k cw: explicit description of sexual activities, smoking, alcohol consumption, workplace affairs, death

"Heeey" you were inebriated enough to tease your superior's tie on some official function, hiding by the bar with the rest of Public Safety devil hunters.

"Hey" he was aloof enough to not care for misconducts of a drunk twenty-something, and just as drunk to know you two would need a room in about twenty minutes.

In any other normal department, this would get both of you fired on the spot. Normally. But the devil department was far from normal, a lawless satellite of bureaucratic limbo. So you two didn't even try hiding, mating like rabbits after each successful mission.

He fucked you in a car that taxpayers bought him to be an effective murderer. Shoved you face first into the backseat and had you reevaluating your fears into kinks. When Aki later reported a successful elimination of the asphyxiation devil, Kishibe winked at you, breaking his deadpan for a fraction of a second.

You rode him on the stairs of some ancient temple of incredible cultural significance, eyes crossed of how precise his tip was pressing against your sweet spot. Kishibe later swore he never came harder than that night, when he could taste the devil's blood on your tits as your cunt milked him dry.

Himeno walked onto the two of you once, and waited a solid minute before either of you noticed her. You still had some shame and tried to clasp your thighs, but Kishibe just scoffed, kneeling in front of Himeno's table, and stuffed his face back between your legs.

"We could die tomorrow, you know?" the drag in his voice was almost as annoying as his long drag of a cigarette.

You scoffed, shifting on the damp sheets of a shitty motel. "You're a sap" his cigarette tasted like shit and you fished out your own, the lighter clicks lighting your scarred cheeks. "And you say that every time"

"And every time it’s true" he attempted his weird flirt again, watching you a little too intense for someone his age in this profession. "Wouldn't you miss me?"

That made you raise your head to the window, eyes aching of a neon blue "B&B" flickering in the distance. "Dead don't miss"

He huffed, and you remember distinctly how for a second you saw his eyes blow wide. "I'm older"

"Exactly". That shut him up, and the rest of the night came just as usual, sheets gaining more and more weight of your affair.

...

"Kishibe" you whisper, cigarettes of his favorite brand burning through your fingertips. You hate smoking in the open space: the wind and the lack of proper lean-on turn the habit into a chore. But you can't force yourself to leave, not yet. Not until the pack is through, ashes of his brand mixing with the overgrown soil.

"We were both wrong, Kishibe" you put out the last bud on the white-painted wood, lone tear gracing the soulless ground under your feet. "Now, we're the same age".

MDNI, reblogs and comments are welcome, love wins

#chainsaw man #chainsawman #chainsaw man kishibe #csm kishibe #csm angst #csm smut #kishibe chainsaw man #kishibe csm #kishibe smut #kishibe angst #kishibe x reader #kishibe x y/n #kishibe x you #kishibe x gn!reader #kishibe x f!reader

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sonderessence · 7 months

Text

kinktober ; day 4 remember my name with aki hayakawa.

contains: angsty, mentions of blood, fluff at the end, short af.

a/n: love this man

"aki?" you quietly called out from the dark room. you had been awoken at the faint sound of the front door opening and footsteps approaching the room you and aki shared. aki opened the door, but instead of saying anything back, he just...stood there.

"are you okay...?" you asked, but he didn't answer. after some time of awkward silence, he slowly walked over towards you and sat at the edge of the bed. "what's wrong?" you asked, your voice laced with concern and worry for your boyfriend. this time he spoke, but his voice came out more softer and raspier than usual.

"'m fine..."

you moved over on the bed to turn on the nightlight and looked back at him. the first thing you noticed was his suit was painted in brown and red blood, his tie was missing, and he looked more tired than ever. your eyes widened as you looked at the huge scar on his face. "what happened?!" you exclaimed, touching his face and hearing a soft wince from him.

"just a hard day at work..." he looked up at you with a weak smile. a tear fell from your cheek as you quickly helped him up towards the bathroom. you helped him remove his shirt and grabbed a washcloth, drenching it in water as you cleaned his wounds.

you grabbed a bottle of saline solution and applied it to a cotton swab, wiping his wounds and bandaging them up. you lifted his face with your finger and looked into his tired eyes. "you should have been more carful." you said, your voice cracking as more tears threatened to fall from your face.

"i know..." he whispered.

"you could have died!" you exclaimed. turning towards the bathroom sink and grabbing another cotton swab to clean his face. "i know..." he repeated. you deeply inhaled as you pinched the bridge of your nose. "we can't keep doing this. it's like you have a fucking death wish or something!" you threw your hands in the air before moving some of his hair out of his face and wiped his face.

he grabbed your waist, moving you down on his lap. "i'm sorry y/n..." he frowned, resting his head on the crook of your neck when you finished wiping his face. you sighed, running your hands through his jet-black hair "promise me you won't do this again..." he smiled softly and kissed your neck. "promise"

#aki x reader #aki hayakawa #aki angst #hayakawa aki #aki fluff #chainsaw man x reader #chainsaw man #csm x reader #csm aki #csm fluff #csm angst

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mitsuyaya · 10 months

Text

[ parting gift ] hayakawa aki

contains: 700+ words. angsttt!, noblewoman reader x knight aki, reader is referred to as my lady, unedited (as usual)

summary: a price to pay for the heinous crime you commit is your happiness and the life of the man you love the most.

csm masterlist

“What if we run away?”

You wait for Aki to break the silence, to utter a single word, to refuse your offer and change the subject of your conversation. To tell you off and go home. Because the longer you stay, the longer you stare at his miserable state—behind bars, bruised and dirtied—the more difficult it is for you to repress the emotions that want to break free from the inside.

But the other half of you wanted him to say yes, agree and then pretend like your lives aren't at stake. Run away at this moment and forget about everything, forget about what would happen the next day and the day after.

“Would that make you happy, my lady?” it will, definitely, absolutely. But you don't think you can ever be safe if you did run away. The future would be terrifying, would always be filled with constant running and worry, the fear of getting caught and being brutally murdered on the spot will be an everyday thought. It wasn't the best course of action, you know it too well.

“Tell me, if we ever do run away, would we ever have a bright future?” you won't, the answer is too obvious.

“Will we have sons and daughters as we dreamt of? Have an estate even larger than your family owns?” you kept your mouth shut, heart cracking with every truth that comes out of his lips.

“Would someone like me have a perfectly normal life with someone like you?”

“But we'll always be together” he shakes his head, “A murderer doesn't deserve to be happy” the tears you've been trying to hold back since you got here broke free, cascading through your cheeks in steady streams.

“You aren't a murderer Aki!” you shouted, pointing to yourself “It was me! I was the one who kill—” Aki hurriedly covers your mouth, struggling with the chains binding his wrists.

“Don’t say that! What if someone hears you?” The fear on his face reminds you that he's on death's door all because of you, that because of what you did, you'd lose the person you love so much. That by taking your place, he was detained in the highest tower, awaiting his execution the next morning.

And yet, even at this moment, it's still you he's thinking about—it's you he's worrying—not him, not his life, only you.

“It wasn't your fault, don't say that, you could get hurt if anybody hears.” Another wave of tears slipped from your eyes, it hurts so much.

You were the one who murdered the crown prince, fed him poison all because you weren't thinking straight. All because he threatened that he'll kill Aki and your family if you didn't marry him.

But Aki still took the blame, receiving the death, hatred and pain that should've been directed to you, that should've been your future.

“I’m so sorry Aki, you weren't supposed to be here” your chest hurts from guilt, throat flaring from the truth that you'll never get to see him again because of you, because of your foolish actions.

“My lady” he reaches for you, cups your cheeks and wipes your tears with his thumb. “Don’t feel sorry, it is my choice because I wanted to protect you, I'm your knight aren't I? This is my duty” Aki smiled, although there's bitterness and fear beneath his words. None of what he said comforted you, it only made you even guiltier.

“But still—” he shushes you, taking your hands into his, pulling it closer to his lips. “I want you to live longer, find happiness like you've always wanted. I don't regret anything so please don't feel guilty.”

Aki kisses the back of your hand, your knuckles, looking straight at you as a tear falls from his eyes, his figure trembling slightly. He's a liar, pretending to be strong and nonchalant when he's just as terrified as you are. You felt his hand pull away, grabbing something from his pocket.

“Before you go, please accept this gift” you couldn't stop your tears from falling, the noise that you've been trying to repress flows through your mouth and you're sure that the prisoners downstairs could hear your sobs and whimpers now.

When his hands found yours again, he brought out a ring, slipping it on your finger, it was the ring he would always show you, one that belongs to his mother and the generations before that. “I love you forever my lady, please live for me.”

#[ੈ✩‧₊˚]. constellations #hayakawa aki x reader #hayakawa aki angst #hayakawa aki drabbles #aki x reader #aki angst #aki drabbles #csm x reader #csm angst #csm drabbles #chainsaw man x reader #chainsaw man angst #chainsaw man drabbles #🌠. que mie

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slutsukio · 3 months

Text

transient bonds. ( aki hayakawa x blk!femreader )

he casually ignites his cigarette, the flame casting a fleeting glow on his features as he remains indifferent to your presence. leaning back on the porch of his apartment, aki exhales a plume of smoke, fixating his gaze on the clouds lazily drifting across the sky. besides him, you sit, draped in his shirt, a garment he seems content to let you keep─ a momento that, in his mind, is far better off with you than as a reminder of a connection that is inevitably reaching its conclusion.

"we should just end this," he states, his words hanging in the air with a sense of resignation. the atmosphere is thick with the unspoken acknowledgement of the impermanence that defines his relationships. it's a truth he cant escape, especially given the nature of his work. to him, being in a relationship is akin to embracing a fleeting moment, a temporary respite from the harsh reality of his existence. it's like dating a living ghost, a man haunted by the shadows of his own profession.

the admission is not a surprise; rather, it's a long-anticipated recognition of the transitory nature of your connection. aki, in his pursuit of normalcy, has clung to you for as long as he could, seeking refuge from the chaos that defines his life. yet, as the smoke swirls around him, he articulates what both of you have likely sense for a while─ there's no reason to delay the inevitable, no point in prolonging a relationship destined to fade away. in his world, here permanence is a rare luxury, he suggests embracing the reality that any attachment is fleeting, and the only constant is change.

you could sense the gravity in his words, a seriousness that resonated deeply within her. aki, known for his candidness, wouldn't utter such statements without a purpose. as he spoke, a tidal wave of emotions crashed over you, the weight of his words feeling akin to a metaphorical building placed squarely on her shoulders. it was a moment where silence held more significance than words, and you chose not to speak, allowing yourself to be enveloped by the intensity of the situation. in that stillness, the weight of the unspoken hung in the air, creating a palpable atmosphere that spoke volumes.

"i didn't want to end this," he finally says, breaking the heavy silence that hung between them, still avoiding direct eye contact. "i didn't want to hurt you," he adds, a weight of remorse evident in his voice. “it has to end at some point,” he continues after a contemplative pause, his words carrying the resignation of someone who's reluctantly accepting a harsh truth. “this isn’t how I wanted it to go, but it’s not like I planned any of this.” the complexity of emotions lingers, as the inevitability of parting ways becomes a bitter pill for both to swallow.

you expressed your frustration by audibly sucking your teeth, a clear manifestation of your evident frustration. "no, you didn't hurt me," you asserted, dismissing any notion of mental harm. "don't ever say that you've hurt me, because you didn't. it's just disappointing to realize that I spent nearly eight months with someone who was only with me for their own selfish needs," you continued, your disappointment palpable. as he attempted to speak, you responded by walking back into the apartment, your own visible distress reflecting the emotional tension in the air.

aki's hands instinctively tightened it's grip around the slender cigarette, the ember casting an intense glow as he draws in another drag, before flicking the cigarette from his fingers and following after you. his lips contort into a discernible frown, the profound anger within him overpowering any lingering traces of sadness. "selfish needs?" he challenges, breaking the stare-off between you two. after a prolonged moment of contemplation, he continues with an edge in his voice, "i dedicated eight months of my life to you. it wasn't just about using you, y/n, i genuinely liked you." the words hung in the air.

"then, why, aki? why are we going through this painful breakup if you never truly desired a committed relationship? it feels like a betrayal, like you should have never entered into this connection with me, if your heart wasn't in it!" her voice echoed through the emptiness of his apartment, tears streaming down your honey-hued skin as you stood in the emotional turmoil that now surrounded them. the weight of disappointment hung heavily in the air, and the echoes of shattered expectations reverberated within the walls of their shared moments.

"because we wouldn't have lasted anyway!" the intensity in his voice resonates with a raw emotion that seems to stem form a deeper understanding. it's a moment where vulnerability clashes with harsh reality. he locked his eyes with you, as if imploring for you to grasp the gravity of his revelation. "don't you get it?" aki continues, a sense of frustration lacing his words. "i'm not like other people, my line of work─" his gaze momentarily shifts to the world outside the window, as if searching for answers in the distant landscapes.

the unspoken complexities of his profession and the inherent risks are laid bare in those words. it's a poignant moment where the clash between personal desires and the harsh demands of reality becomes palpable. aki's internal conflict spills into the conversation, leaving an indelible mark on the fragile connection between you two. each word seems to carve a deeper trench, exposing the intricacies of a life entangled with uncertainty and the inability to promise a conventional future.

aki's unspoken words and thoughts were like fragile glass lodged in his lungs, a puncture leaving him momentarily breathless before the internal bleeding of his truth spilled from his chapped lips. the room absorbed the silent shards of his turmoil, each one a testament to the complex emotions swirling within him. he observed you with pleading eyes as you gathered your belongings, an unsettling calmness accompanying your actions. the palpable sense of abandonment hung thick in the air, starkly contrasting the shared journey of emotions they had once navigated together.

the words that escaped aki's lips were not an anguished cry, but a piercing inquiry, "how can you just act so goddamn calm? don't you care?" the weight of frustration, confusion, and a profound sense of injustice reverberated in his spoken truth, creating ripples of tension in the room.

the dissonance between their emotions created a painful rift, leaving him grappling with the unfairness of the situation. it was evident that he didn't want this to end, and the realization that you were leaving hit him hard. the complexity of emotions played out on his face, reflecting the internal struggle between his desire for the relationship to continue and the apparent absence of alternatives.

as you continued to pack with a nonchalant demeanor, the stark contrast to the emotional storm in the room became even more apparent. the silence persisted, an unspoken dialogue that highlighted the challenge of finding common ground when faced with the inevitability of separation. the room stood witness to the fragments of a relationship, each piece a silent testimony to the complexities of love, loss, and the unanswered questions that hung in the air.

in the end, as the last item found its place in your bag, the room seemed to exhale a heavy sigh, acknowledging the closure of a chapter that had once held the promise of shared dreams and emotions. in the midst of the heavy silence, you finally found the strength to speak, your voice carrying the weight of love and pain. "aki, i want you to know how much i've loved you," you admitted, your words holding a bittersweet resonance.

'this hurts more than i can express, and i never wanted it to come to this. but sometimes, we need to find our own paths." tears welled up in your eyes as you continued, "the love we shared was real, and it will always hold a special place in my heart. but staying might only bring more hurt, to the both of us, and i can't bear to see you suffer," you continued.

as aki stared at you, a palpable sense of regret draped over him like a heavy shroud. the room seemed to absorb the gravity of the moment, as if acknowledging the complexity and difficulty that underscored this farewell. his gaze, once filled with shared laughter and tender moments, now held a somber weight. breaking up with you, he had thought, might be a straightforward step to take, a decision that offered a clean break. yet, reality had proven harsher, and the act of parting ways became an arduous journey.

silence lingered in the air, carrying the weight of unspoken words and unresolved emotions. aki's struggle manifested in the furrow of his brow and the hesitancy in his movements. this wasn't merely a separation of two people; it was the dismantling of a shared history, a chapter of intertwined lives that had once held the promise of a future together.

the room, witness to countless shared joys and sorrows, bore witness to this poignant moment of dissolution. aki, grappling with the inner turmoil, found himself confronted with the undeniable truth that saying goodbye to you was, in fact, the hardest thing on earth. in those moments of prolonged silence, the unspoken words reverberated between you. aki's regret, etched on his face, mirrored the complexity of emotions that accompanied parting ways. the decision to end the relationship carried a heaviness that transcended the mere act of walking away; it was an acknowledgment of the profound impact you had on each other's lives.

the somber sanctuary enveloped you both in a heavy silence, the emotional intricacies of this farewell unfolded like a tapestry, woven with threads of love, regret, and the undeniable pain of separation. taking a deep breath, you steeled yourself and approached aki with a mixture of resolve and vulnerability. as you drew in a deep breath, it felt like inhaling the remnants of a love that hung thick in the air. your steps toward aki held the weight of a journey, a journey that transcended the physical space between you.

despite the jagged edges of hurt, you embraced him, the tenderness of the hug a fragile bridge spanning the emotional chasm. his arms enveloped you, a sanctuary built from shared laughter and whispered confidences. in that moment, the embrace became a cocoon, shielding you momentarily from the harsh reality that awaited. a soft kiss planted on your temple was a fleeting promise, a delicate brushstroke on the canvas of your shared history. "i love you too, y/n. take care," he uttered, his words echoing in the room like a melancholic melody. each word, a note in a song of parting, resonated with the depth of emotions you both grappled with. the door, now a portal to an uncertain future, stood ajar, and you took hesitant steps away from the warmth of his embrace.

walking out of his door, the closing creak of it seemed like the final punctuation in a chapter that had unfolded like a beautifully tragic novel. your tears, flowing freely, painted a mural on your ebony-hued skin, each drop a brushstroke expressing the intricate pain of letting go. the outside world greeted you with its own palette of emotions – the cool breeze carried the whispers of change, and the distant echoes of life continued, indifferent to the upheaval within your heart. your tears, now akin to a river, mirrored the tumultuous flow of emotions that had breached the levees of your composure.

his words lingered in the corridors of your mind, becoming a haunting melody that intertwined with your thoughts. the love, once a vibrant tapestry, now bore the stains of farewell. as you navigated the solitude beyond his door, it felt like stepping into an uncharted realm, the path ahead obscured by the mist of uncertainty.

in the aftermath, you grappled with the weight of those whispered words. they were not merely spoken; they were etched into the very fabric of your being. the love that had once flourished within the walls of shared dreams and emotions now became a compass, guiding you through the uncharted landscapes of a life reshaped by parting.

❁ suki speaking — after procrasinating for WEEKS, i FINALLY finished!! congratulate me. me finishing also factors into the fact that neso woulda KILLED me if i haven't have finished in a timely manner...hell im alr on thin ice. but, enjoy!! :3

#❁. suki's work #❁. suki's talk #❁. suki's recs #drabble #oneshot #chainsaw man #csm x reader #csm x black reader #csm angst #aki hayakawa #denji #power #makima #okayy #bye :3

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