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#tree of life shooting tw
runrundoyourstuff · 6 months
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not posting about what’s going on in i/p, but I am a Jew from Pittsburgh, and I’m thinking about how in the aftermath of the shooting at Tree of Life—where eleven people I knew personally were murdered by a white supremicist—I saw people on this website asking if anyone knew if the murder victims were zionists because if they were, it was inappropriate to mourn them. as if their lives only mattered if they were Good Jews TM.
the fifth anniversary of the shooting is on Friday, and on top of everything else happening right now, that’s something that is really sticking around my mind.
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gay-jewish-bucky · 9 months
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can we not turn the ruling in the tree of life court case into a jerk off session about how you're morally superior to everyone else, including the families who's loved ones were brutally fucking murdered in an act of antisemitic violence?
this is neither the time, nor the place, and is grossly insensitive
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pinkcadillaccas · 3 months
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Saw a dead fox today... It's haunting me
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dreamingofbabylon · 9 months
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wheeeee yippee happy Tree of Life Synagogue Shooter Sentenced to Death Day to those who celebrate
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wheeeeeeee
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ozzgin · 4 months
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Yandere! Yokai Harem x Reader (I)
This is probably my longest running dysfunctional daydream scenario, so I thought I'd share it here.
As stereotypical as it gets, you've fallen into an old well and found yourself in feudal Japan. Almost immediately, you're attacked by a yokai that calls you by a name you don't recognize. He insists you possess the soul of an ancient priest that would capture demons under a binding contract. Something isn't right, however, so your life is spared until further clues come to light. With two men unwillingly bound to you, you begin to uncover this mess as more 'collection pieces' show up. They might prefer you to their previous owner.
TW: violence, monsters
[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Character Guidebook]
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You vigorously cough out whatever grass you seemed to have bit into when you hit the ground. Was all this vegetation here just one moment ago? As you get up and dust your knees you're brought back into focus by the loud buzzing of insects. You look above and involuntarily squint your eyes. You didn't expect to see a full, bright sky.
"What the hell?" is all you can mutter.
You and your university friends had planned a quick trip to the neighboring Tokyo, just to visit some trending local cafes and shop around. You somehow wandered into the suburbs and found a very obvious path to a large shrine that was visible from the bottom of the stairs. Now, what's more stereotypical than finding a shrine, approaching it with shy steps, dangling the old rope of the bell and humbly clapping your hands together for a quick prayer that gives you a fake sense of meaningfulness? Then again, you love a good cliché. So you did just that, and then whipped out your phone to snap some artsy photos of the place. In your search for the perfect angle, you spotted a wooden structure among some pillars and zoomed in to realize it's an old well.
Here's where you awkwardly tiptoed away from your friends. You couldn't possibly confess to them that you're one of those anime nerds, and that you immediately thought of a certain classic title, and that this could make a very good impromptu cosplay shoot. You could smell the nostalgia as you carefully swayed your way behind the pillars and under the shade of the tiled roof. You bent over carefully (apparently not carefully enough) to asses how deep the well was. Just as you were about to exclaim its shallowness, you felt the gravity pull you inwards. Within seconds your head made contact with the moist soil and you briefly blacked out as the rest of your body arrived in proper position.
Unpleasant, but you've had migraines worse than this. Though now you're wondering whether you might've damaged some important brain parts, given the sudden change of scenery. Or has your dysfunctional daydreaming finally caught up to you?
You laugh silently and test the walls around you, feeling for some contact point that you can use to pull yourself back out. You finally crawl out, but freeze with your elbows around the frame of the well, looking ahead.
There's no building around, just tall grass and what seems to be the beginning of a forest. You remember to blink, and each time you close your eyes you hope to see the shrine once again, to no avail.
"I thought I'm past the risk age for schizophrenia", you mumble in a humorous attempt. The situation is so absurd that you need to share it with an imaginary audience.
You muster up the courage to step out and onto the ground, with extra caution as if it could vanish at any moment. After brief consideration, you slap a bunch of weeds in front of you to test their consistency. The hard stems hurt your wrist and you nod. This is a little too intense to be just a hallucination.
Alright, so you got trapped in some sort of feudal anime remake. What now? You glance around, almost hoping to see some white haired man sleeping against a tree with an arrow stuck into the chest. You check your phone. No signal, but thankfully it still works. You have a battery and its charger, but the latter is probably useless. Unless this remake comes with electricity. You chuckle at the thought. Who knows, maybe it's one of those isekai otome games instead and some timeline inconsistency or loophole will provide you with an outlet.
After trying the well one last time without success, you decide to at least find another human being. Then you can get some grasp of your whereabouts and situation. You notice a patch of grass that's been bent to the ground, probably from frequent stomping. That's a start. You follow the hints of bipedal movement and hope for the best.
The improvised path slithers downhill and around the mass of trees, and you question whether the fields ahead might have traces of houses on them. You pick up your pace in anticipation.
A sharp swish of an unknown object causes you to flinch and halt, and before you can process it, a thin blade lays inches from your nose. You follow its length and find the source: a tall, horned (???) man with silver hair.
Ironically enough, he seems to be more shocked than you. His facial expression flips from focused anger to unbelievable confusion within seconds. His eyebrows are raised and his lips part.
"Ah!" you yell as the gears begin to turn. "Christ, you almost made me question my sanity!
Now let me tell you, this is some great cosplay. I was about to beg for my life. Hah! How the hell did you pull the whole transition? Is the well a tunnel? I hope I didn't accidentally break into some event."
The man returns his sword into its sheath, still in deep disbelief.
"You're not him, are you? But then again..."
"Huh? Him? I'm sorry, were you expecting someone? If you show me the way out I'll disappear in a moment." you turn around, prepared to be led to the exit. "Who're you cosplaying, anyways? I'm a big fan of historical dramas, but I don't recognize the character design."
"I don't understand what you're saying." the man tilts his head in utter surprise.
"Alright, I get the point" you force a laugh, slightly irritated by the persistence. "You're deep in your acting, I get that. Focus and all the jazz. But my friends are around the corner and I don't have signal, can you please skip the theatre and show me the exit?"
"The exit to...where? You're outside."
You sigh, loudly, and click your tongue. "Enough of this, please. Where's the shrine?"
"Ah, I get it. You're trying to confuse me." he pulls his sword back out. "I've had enough of your tricks. You're in an early stage, aren't you? Not strong enough to fight back. I can sense it."
Oh God, it's one of those maniacs, you think to yourself. You raise your arms as a peace offering and hope you won't be featured in the 5pm news with multiple stab wounds.
"Listen man, I really don't know what you're talking about. I'll leave quietly and won't bother you again, I promise."
You gulp and await a response, but the man's mouth opens and the words are replaced by a foreign, disembodied shriek. There's a rapidly approaching heavy shuffle that sounds like the trample of many limbs. You feel your leg being hooked into something and the ground turns around at a dizzying speed.
Something just grabbed you.
Given the movements of the lips, you're assuming that the mysterious cosplaying maniac is yelling something, but your ears are ringing and throbbing as the adrenalin begins to pump. You're being thrown around by something and you can feel the skin holding your leg together creaking and tearing with every jolt.
You manage to land your eyes on the creature. The teeth are unnaturally sharp and it seems to have many arms and legs arranged in a scattered order along the scaly body. It trashes around in such a fluid, dynamic way, that you doubt it could be the result of any machine. It's a living thing and currently attacking you for whatever reason.
Once the bizarre reality settles in, panic floods your body and you scream for help. If not the maniac, then some godly intervention. You did offer a small donation at the shrine, it has to count for something.
The spectacle doesn't last long, since the silver haired man doesn't hesitate to behead the creature. You can see that he wasn't making empty threats with his sword skills. You'd prefer, however, if you weren't the next one to go under his guillotine. Your body rolls over the dirt, limp from the shock.
You tilt yourself upwards pathetically and let out a groan once you attempt to use your leg to stand. You turn around and notice the aftermath of your little air ballet. There's a deep wound and thick, red blood is oozing out, scrambling to form a protective crust.
"You... really can't fight at all, can you? You weren't lying."
The man is now standing in front of you, the same amount of disbelief he had at the beginning.
"How the hell would I have fought that...that..." you choke and can feel tears forming in your eyes. "I don't understand what's happening. I just want to go back home. I don't know what's happening." you start sobbing and angrily rub your eyes, hoping to trigger some sort of way to wake up. But your eyelids burn and you feel awake. This was never a dream.
Your sudden meltdown startles the man and he awkwardly hovers his hands over you, unsure of how to handle this.
"Sorry, if I had known, I would've stopped it earlier. I genuinely thought you're..." he sighs. "I'm really sorry. You got hurt because of me."
"Can you please tell me where I am? I feel like I'm going crazy. It's year 202X and I was out with my friends and fell into a well. I've never seen a creature like that in my life. I somehow ended up here and I can't go back. Where the hell is this?"
"I... I don't understand what's happening either. I came here because I sensed he's back. I didn't expect to see... well... you." 
You scan his face. His frown is sincere. Which, truth be told, is even less helpful. You're back to square 0, it's getting dark and your ankle is trashed. 
You just want to sleep.
You stare at the ceiling, hands locked together over your chest. The improvised hay mattress isn't exactly comfortable, but it's certainly better than nothing. You sheepishly glance at the horned man. He's sitting by the window, idly looking outside with hooded eyes. He seems to be tired, too. 
"Try to get some rest", he'd told you earlier. Easier said than done. After the monster attack, he carried you on his back until you found an abandoned hut. His way of apologizing for letting you get mauled. As you walked, he narrated his reasoning to you. 
His name is Kiritsubo. When he was a child, a human dressed like an onmyouji took him in for training. Said to be the successor of Abe no Seimei himself, the man was feared throughout the country for his supernatural powers. Most of his strength, however, came from the collection of yokai he'd gathered to work for him. None of them had agreed to it, but no one knew how to break the bond subduing them. Eventually, the old man succumbed into his eternal slumber, yet the yokai were still not freed from the contract.
Some of them suggested he wasn't truly gone. Merely reincarnated. And today, he felt it for the first time. That's how he stumbled upon you. You appear to have part of his soul within you, whether you realize it or not. But if you truly have no knowledge of it, he doesn't have the heart to slaughter an innocent. 
"What about the rest?" you blurt out, quietly.
Kiritsubo turns to you, mildly startled.
"What do you mean?"
"You said the man owned 12 legendary yokai. Are you the only one left?"
"No." He frowns. "They most likely know about you already. Let's try to send you back to your world tomorrow, because they will not be as forgiving."
A shiver runs across your spine. This one is scary enough already. You pray you'll be home before you can meet any other beast.
"This is where I found you, so the well shouldn't be far." 
The silver haired man surveys the horizon and you limp forward. 
"I'll check the area, since you can't walk much."
As soon as he says that, he vanishes. You're left with the heavy buzz of afternoon cicadas. You might as well do your own search. Keep yourself preoccupied. The idea of leaving this behind fills you with excitement and you find enough strength to push ahead. 
A few minutes later, you hear a shuffle behind you. Could it be that Kiritsubo already found the well? Enthusiasm fills your chest and a burning heat spreads out. Although it speedily pools in your left shoulder, and you notice in horror that it wasn't enthusiasm taking over your body. A blade is sticking out of your shoulder, avoiding anything vital as some sort of mockery rather than omission. 
"Found you."
The voice is deep and foreign. You barely manage to tilt your head and meet the glowing red eyes of a black haired man. Dark horns are twisting menacingly from his crown and his expression is that of pure wrath. As fresh blood drips down your chin, you wonder if this is the next yokai in line to seek his revenge.
How will you get out of this?
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vigilante-3073 · 3 months
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Tree-hugger
Daryl Dixon x Female Reader
PART 2
Summary: Daryl managed to convince Y/N to move closer to the prison. He keeps true to his promise of visiting her.
TW: Flirting, fluff, nervous Daryl
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Y/N lived in the forest just outside the fences of the prison. Daryl tried to convince her to come inside, but she refused. Y/N operated on her own schedule, moving to different areas around the perimeter every few days. Daryl tended to think of her as an outdoor cat, only coming around when she wanted attention or food.
Daryl gave her a radio to keep in touch, checking up on her when he hadn't seen her in a few days. She had managed to survive this long without any assistance and Daryl couldn't deny that he was impressed.
Daryl invited her on scavenging missions, providing her with the opportunity to help out and get some more supplies for herself at the same time. Y/N waited for him outside the gates whenever they were going to go on a run, never going inside.
She trusted Daryl implicitly and he felt the same way. It was both the strangest and longest lasting friendship that Daryl ever had.
...
Daryl and Y/N sat around the fire in silence, a lit cigarette dangling from his fingers as he watched her cook a rabbit. Life in the prison had finally settled and things were starting to function as they should.
Crops had started to grow in the yard and they had running water for the first time in a long time. They were safe and life was good.
Y/N deserved that too. She deserved to have an actual bed and a stable place to call home, even for a few days.
"You can trust them, y'know?" Daryl said, taking a drag from his cigarette and blowing smoke up into the air.
"Trust who?" Y/N questioned, eyes not moving from the fire as she rotated the meat in the flame.
"My group... Or Rick, at least," Daryl said, flicking the ashes from the end of his cigarette.
"I trust you. That's enough for me," Y/N stated, eyes finding his over the fire and shooting him a small smile, "Besides, groups make me nervous and I work better on my own anyway," She shrugged.
"What about me?" Daryl asked.
"If you're willing to drag that beautifully sculpted body of yours up a tree, I would be more than happy to turn this into a two man operation," Y/N said, eyes running over him appreciatively.
"I can't climb for shit," He said with a smile, flicking the ashes from the end of his cigarette.
"I could teach you," Y/N offered.
"Nah, you just want an excuse to stare at my ass all day," Daryl said, taking a drag from his cigarette.
"It is a nice ass," She smiled.
Daryl didn't push the subject of meeting the group. He knew that she would come around in due time.
...
Daryl made his way through the forest, crossbow held close to himself as he stared up into the trees. He knew that Y/N had moved into this area since the last time he saw her.
Daryl would never understand how she managed to blend in so well.
Y/N watched him walk by with a smile, lounging on a high branch that was concealed by leaves. She reached over and plucked an acorn from one of the leafy branches above her. Y/N threw the acorn, laughing as it hit the archer square in the center of his back.
"Booyah!" She yelled.
Daryl spun around, squinting up at the trees as he scanned the branches for her, "Where the hell are you?" He called.
"Over here, handsome!" Y/N yelled.
Daryl shook his head as he made his way over, staring up at her from the ground. He could just barely see her through the lush greenery.
"Why'd you go so high up?" Daryl asked.
"To watch you wander around aimlessly while I throw things at you," She smiled.
"Get your ass down here. I brought dinner," He said, holding up a string of squirrels.
Y/N untied herself and climbed down from the tree quickly. Daryl hovered at the base, ready to catch her if she slipped.
Y/N dropped down onto the ground, dusting her hands on her pants, "Is that a new shirt?" She asked, eyes running over him.
Daryl nodded, "Found it yesterday," He stated.
"Looks good on you. Plus, it shows off those big arms that I love so much," She said with a wink.
Daryl smiled slightly, cheeks flushing, "Shut up," He muttered.
"About how gorgeous you are? Never," She smirked, "There's a clearing over this way," She added.
Daryl shook his head before following her through the trees. She went to work building the fire as he prepared the squirrels.
"Rick wants to go on another run tomorrow," Daryl said.
"Are you going?" Y/N asked, blowing carefully at the base of her fire before adding more tinder.
"You got a crush on me or somethin'?" He asked.
"Of course I do. Have you seen yourself? I'd have your sexy redneck ass wifed up in a minute if marriage was still a thing" She replied casually, adding small pieces of wood to the fire.
Daryl smiled, even when he flirted back Y/N still managed to leave him speechless. He looked up as she sat back on her haunches, looking over at him.
"I'm goin' with Rick tomorrow," He said.
"Fantastic, so am I," She replied.
...
Daryl made his way out into the forest with a flashlight, it was the latest he had ever gone out and he hoped Y/N was still awake.
Daryl and Rick had gone off on a scouting mission that kept them away for a few days. Rick needed to collect medical supplies and some items for the baby.
Daryl smiled slightly when he saw firelight in the distance. He made his way towards it, turning off his flashlight as he approached.
"Howdy, stranger. I thought you forgot about me," Y/N said with a smile.
"Went out with Rick for a few days," Daryl said, sitting down on the ground beside her with his back leaned against the fallen tree trunk.
"Rabbit?" She asked, holding up the stick of cooked meat.
Daryl nodded, taking the stick from her outstretched hand and pulling some meat off the bone.
Y/N watched him eat for a moment before turning her attention back to the fire, "I missed you," She said.
"Missed you too," Daryl replied gruffly.
"You gonna stay out here tonight?" She asked.
He nodded, "I'm not climbing a tree though," Daryl said.
"You're going to sleep on the ground like a-" "Normal person? Yeah," Daryl said.
"Oh, so you think I'm abnormal?" Y/N questioned.
"Yeah," He stated.
"Don't insult me, Daryl, I'll fall in love with you," Y/N said.
He huffed a laugh, "Would that be a bad thing?" Daryl asked with a smile.
"Just when I thought you couldn't get any hotter," Y/N smirked.
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maggstar · 4 months
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𝐔𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐃𝐚𝐲 𝐈 𝐃𝐢𝐞
───────────────────⊹⊱✫⊰⊹────────────────────
𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: 18+, mni DNI!
𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: 365 days since the incident, in which Heeseung's life turned upside down, is today. Will he be able to save her this time?
𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: smut, hard angst, veryyy emotional, trauma bonding/coping, cop!Hee (injured reader, guns, shooting, kidnapping, violence, death) kissing, biting, marking, handjob, oral (f. receiving) , fingering, vanilla, very intimiate and loving unprotected s3x, missionary, spooning, lotus.
!!!TW: ED, suicidal thoughts, mentioned attempts, s3lf harm (both characters)
𝐖𝐂: 21k+ (ehm..., yea)
𝐀/𝐍: Finally. It is here. this one is for ♡ anon. ily. I want to say I loved writing this whole fic even though it was emotionally difficult. I wrote about heavy topics, so please be aware before reading as this might not be everyone's cup of tea! Both characters are in pretty messed up mental states, but their love to each other is what keeps them going. I hope you guys enjoy this fic as I never put this much effort into any fic before.
Please leave any sort of feedback: reblogging and commenting is the best for me, so let me know!! ───────────────────⊹⊱✫⊰⊹────────────────────
As Heeseung approached the town, he immediately recognized the steep, rocky road that led to the street of his most ominous memories. Despite the passing of a year, everything remained the same. The familiar layout felt like coming home after years of being abroad. In a way, he had been. 
He found it amusing how visiting his past brought such mixed feelings. Given how messed up things were before his departure, he was afraid to face all the negative emotions. Merely thinking about the events crawled an uncanny sensation. 
Yet, here he was, letting the comforting sentimentality alight on his heart and beam at the faint breeze entering through his window as he soaked up the evocative atmosphere. It had a hint of gloom as the rain amplified with his reappearance, making the ominous night colder than usual. Goosebumps took over his body, observing the surroundings while the car shifted its gear to neutral. 
The park was abandoned at this time, reminiscing on the children's laughter in the evenings, playing for hours without a care. He liked to come there after work, sit for a few minutes, and listen to them. They still had the monkey bars and pirate-themed wooden ship in the middle of the playground, which he helped paint. 
He examined the residences next to his old one, all appearing the same. Looking at the colorful houses with picturesque gardens pierced an arduous nostalgia. A few had undergone reconstructions as the previous owners seemed to have parted. 
Some even had new furniture or repainting, their garages containing bigger and more luxurious vehicles. New additions like swings or slides for children were also notable. A small number of areas were also seemingly building new homes for the future, expanding the population in the tainted town.
With a glance beside, he examined the house he spent his student years in. 
"Would you look at that," he scoffed, studying the untouched exterior, still covered in that sensational buttermilk paint. 
Even the pecan concrete tiles on the roof were there, with additional solar panels. The current owners also installed a masonry chimney to the side - something he had always wished for but couldn't afford. 
They were definitely more knowledgeable in Botanics than he was. The garden looked completely different. The condition Heeseung left it in was atrocious, with dead flowers and dried weeds scattering the place. Zora Neale Hurston once quoted: "Trees and plants always look like the people they live with." He didn't know if this disclosure was comical or tragic, heavily soughing instead. 
Currently, the place had more of a Japanese style: a little lake in the middle underneath beautiful white lotuses. Oak and cherry trees surrounded the layout, whereas perfectly cut bonsai trees greeted passers-by in the front. The family likely had their roots there because it was uncommon to opt for this type in this area. Yet again, he was inexperienced in this topic, so who was he to say anything? 
He sighed, lowering his head to take a deep breath to process all the garnering memories reaching the surface from the seabed. It was bound to happen, and he still didn't manage to prepare for it. 
Back then, there was too much weight on his shoulders. From college to his family, there was only so much a teenager could handle. 90% of his memories were the ones he sincerely wished to omit evermore. He didn't want to rub salt into his wounds by reliving them, aiming to concentrate on the better side.
After all, it was this place he achieved and lost everything at once. The city that welcomed the lost pup with open arms after the death of his parents, soothing with empty promises and fraudulent head pats. 
Back then, he was too naive to differentiate malicious intentions, foolishly jumping onto every proposition. He thought people wanted to help and not take advantage of his incapacity, that they would aid the broken one with the loving words he needed. 
Fundamentally, he was an emotional wreck, emptiness and numbness following him all day. 
There wasn't anyone left in his life, just miscellaneous pictures gathered in a photo album and recollections of happy moments in carton boxes. Going through their belongings hurt more than anything, smudging their smiles with tears and repeated callouts to which no one could respond anymore. 
In other words, it was the worst period of his life.
His nights were established on puffy eyes, a terrible headache, and a stuffy nose, suffering in silence for months. The money he was supposed to spend on food went to tissues, trashing the whole place. Getting up in the mornings was incredibly demanding, failing often at convincing himself. Staying in and laying in his PJs permanently tolled more promising.
No one seemed to care about his late arrival to classes anyway. The teachers were the exclusive individuals, questioning his defect of attendance and interest. They often came to various false conclusions. They didn't consider asking for the real reason behind his struggles at handing in assignments and essays on time without lying to dodge admonitions. 
In the same way, no one doubted the sunglasses he wore every day. They assumed it was part of a fashion trend when, in reality, it was an excuse to hide the redness and semicircle exhaustion. 
The clothes that fit him weeks ago began loosening, appearing enormous on his underweight body. When his friends pointed out his lack of appetite during lunch, he put it behind him and led the conversation in another direction. That way, he felt he had control over reality. 
In reality, he knew it was avoidance. He wasn't ready to concede he was struggling. Something wasn't alright, and he deteriorated with each passing day. 
Reminiscing on the past, optimistic Heeseung wearing a warming smile mirrored the numb motionlessness, not containing enough confidence to face the drastic and tragic change.
The only courageous people were the Choi family. 
He turned his head to the left, catching a glimpse of the elderly couple sitting at the table inside their closed terrace. They were laughing and enjoying dinner, accompanied by two other people, handing out the freshly grilled food on their plates. A little boy was attending the meal as well, gesturing widely. He leaned forward to examine the guests, scanning their faces. For some reason, they were so familiar...
"No way," a gasp forsake, realizing that turn of events. 
The handsome, tall young man with an athletic build was no other than Choi Hyun-woo, the son of the married pair. Heeseung facepalmed himself for taking so long to figure out his identity, doubting his dexterities.
His parents had introduced the two after a few weeks of Heeseung visiting. Around that time, he was in a custody battle with his dangerous wife. That adjective was an understatement when considering her malicious threats. They were predominantly about hurting their son if he didn't leave her alone or running away with him.
That wasn't the only crazy part. The more unsettling information he learned, the more he feared for the safety of the small boy. Besides being mentally unstable, she also struggled with psychosis. The doctors warned her countless times, but she didn't reflect on any of their words when entering a new relationship. If anyone was the victim in this situation, it was Hyun-woo. 
Seeing them reunited was all he could have ever wished for them, smiling at the cheerful sight. 
"Thank you for being here for us, Heeseung. We just want you to know we're also here for you," he could hear the oldster sighing while patting his back, sensing the weariness from the mere flicker.
"We're all humans in the end. Even the strongest ones cannot lift the weight the world pushes on us." The stogie burned further whenever he would take a whiff, passing it on for a moment of peace.
"Life hasn't been easy on you, has it?" the bearded man turned to face the youngster, quietly sitting and observing the night sky. 
"No, sir, it hasn't," he took the long roll of tobacco to try it out, analyzing its shape and thickness.
"Pretending to be happy when you're in pain is an example of how strong you are as a person, Lee."
"Never doubt your strength, you hear me?" he repeatedly swung his index finger to reprimand him. 
"Yessir," Heeseung nodded before inhaling the cigar, not foreseeing its power. On the other hand, the veteran couldn't help but enjoy the outcome, laughing as he expectorated. 
"How can you smoke this?" he punched his chest numerous times to get the bubble of smoke out of his system. 
"Times were different back in my days. We had nothing else."
"Still..."
"Do one thing for me," the senior flipped the page, taking another load and slowly exhaling a white cloud into the cold fall night. Heeseung faced him after successfully getting rid of the awful irritation in his throat. He sat there, waiting for another round of sagacious words from the wise man. 
"Don't give up. Whatever it takes, don't give up, son. Even when you feel like there's no purpose, don't because nothing lasts forever. It will get better."
It was those words that made Heeseung push through the days. It was almost unbelievable how much of an impact it had on him. Never in a million years would he have thought a motivational speech could get him back on his feet. Then again, he never gave anyone a chance to see behind his facade.
Although they were the ones who required assistance, Heeseung ended up receiving all of the help. 
"Have you eaten? No? That's unacceptable! Come over as soon as you're done with school!"
Mrs. Choi's disappointment still rang through his ears, envisioning her in her French kitchen with a spatula in her hand. It was a vista he missed, alongside the delectable smell of her exceptional cooking.
She constantly checked on him, calling once his school was over and asking if he needed anything. Cooking him meals became a habit whenever he stopped by to help in the garden, practically shoving packets of food into his chest. She knew it wasn't much, but for Heeseung, it meant the world. Knowing that someone actually appreciated his company and cared about his well-being without solely thinking about theirs was unknown. 
So unknown that in the beginning, he assumed the lunch boxes in his backpack ended up by accident and that Mrs. Choi had mixed it up. 
That's how messed up people have been to him that his mind found it unbelievable. Every bit of aid had to have a twisted meaning behind it because why would anyone care about him? No one was there when he was bereaved. No one came to say their condolences or ask if he was alright. It was just him in the columbarium as he placed the ceramic pot with the last remains of his loved ones into the repository. The sole visitor on his free days, leaving the deceased ones' favorite snacks underneath their memorial. He was the boy the guard always had to wake up and send home. 
"It's just thee, thy, and thou, huh?"
"Yes, Mr. Choi."
It is how he achieved his dream and became a successful officer and the person he is now. 
All the hardships and woes he underwent in his early adulthood built up the future he worked for without resting. The mornings and nights would meld into one, struggling to distinguish AM from PM. Around that time, his coffee intake started slipping out, and he tried out every possibility to stay awake and finish everything. 
So much he had to do in such little time. Heeseung didn't understand how he finished it, but his body did. It was giving up, slowly but gradually, because he wouldn't stop pushing the limits. He thought he could do more each time, twisting the meaning of "just a bit more."
One day, the strings finally tore off, and his body had enough. 
Without looking back, it gave in. It handed in the shattered pieces of his soul to the unknown, streaming down like a feather. Nothing had left within, no recollections to reflect on his actions. All his hopes had dashed, molding his fears into a vase of entrapment. The more he tried to climb out of the well, the deeper he fell back, the walls elevating. He screamed into the darkness, the exclamations reflecting due to the scarcity of allowance. 
The next thing you know, he woke up in an unfamiliar and cold environment, with doctors coming in and out. They kept asking various questions and filling out some forms before leaving. The 
He expected the nurses checking up on him now and then to answer the question marks in his head, watching them flush the tube in his nostrils.
It was when he opened his mouth to ask about it that one of the nurses responded, explaining its essential purpose.
She called it "Nasogastric tube feeding". A line delivering nutrients directly into his stomach through his nose. Heeseung kept listening while the woman cleaned the skin around his nose with a warm washcloth, describing his situation. 
Apparently, he had been in the ICU for a few days, and the doctors ran various tests to unravel his deficiencies. The stats showed the deceleration of cardiac activity, leading to low heart rate and blood pressure. They also mentioned low body temperature, which Heeseung had been battling for centuries. It exemplified why he felt faint and weak all the time. Maybe it even answered his apathy toward life.
The results of his BMI indicated severe underweight, whereas the blood test showcased micronutrient imbalances. Heeseung couldn't fathom all of the details his doctor kept streaming, closing his eyes in a vain attempt to ignore the consequences of his stubbornness and lack of eating. 
Not only did he have to wear a plastic tube, but he also had to talk with dietologists and healthcare professionals to make changes in his life.  
Heeseung loathed it and didn't listen to anything they had to offer because, in his mind, he had already decided what was best for him. Suggestions like attending occupational therapy gave him a laugh, not comprehending the reason for such an absurd and useless alternative. There was still a belief that everything was alright, and the situation was being blown out of proportion. 
Even after all that information, he refused to accept reality. If he did, he would have to reconcile with his aggravating condition and shape. He would have to acknowledge how bad the situation was. That if he didn't take action now, it could end terribly. 
And Heeseung wasn't prepared to admit it aloud. Admit he had been suffering for so long that he lost track of days because they began blending into one endless loop where he couldn't live in peace. Confess the terrible feelings of hopelessness, loneliness, and emptiness. The feeling that he woke up to bypass that motivating bright sun hiding behind those dark, self-destructive clouds. The ones which slowly perished his soul.
Disclose the deep yearning for love, tenderness, and affection lingering in his sore throat. Reveal the hope to knit his tattered heart, wrapping around his neck so delicately that he didn't want it to stop. Divulge the need to end everything trussing in the back of his head, increasing whenever an obstacle occurred, doubting everything about himself. Concede the crossing between life and death, questioning the meaning of existence. 
Relent that the word suicide kept repeating in his mind like an old cassette player, seeing the curse inscribed over everything. Allow the guilt to take over and condemn him for leaning towards the balcony whenever it whispered the word "jump". It conveyed it so alluringly that it made him go crazy, holding onto the railings in pure despair. 
Describe how sharp blades appeared veracious. Explain why he deleted the Google search history to hide the questions on overdoes. 
He wasn't ready, but he had to be. Otherwise, he would ultimately lose himself in the hollowness and disperse forever. 
So, he decided to bite the bullet and push through by turning the page.
Thanks to his determination, he could now sit in a police car and help those in need. Do a job where he could be the person he needed others to be at his lowest. 
There had been one. However, Heeseung was forbidden from ever thinking about that person. 
Why? Because he made the biggest mistake of his life, which he atoned for till today.
A beautiful mistake that he deeply missed every hour, every minute, every second.
"Dispatch to Patrol One," the sudden statistic transmitted through the two-way radio, pulling back the officer from daydreaming. 
"10-04," he quickly responded, grabbing the transmitter and acknowledging the callsign. 
"Are you alright, sir?" the worry conveyed, belonging to none other than Seo-Jun. 
"Yes," He sighed, resting his head on the steering wheel. 
"Sir, pardon me, but you don't sound like it," the young officer evoked, tentative about probing her senior. 
She could hear him repeat the proverb: "Curiosity killed the cat." It wasn't her best trait, and she knew it. It was always these times she couldn't help but push it forward and let concern get the better of her. 
After all, it was Lee Heeseung, the guy who managed to turn her life over. 
If he hadn't helped her escape from her toxic ex-boyfriend last summer, she wouldn't be sitting in the obsolete office now. She was lucky to dial 112 in time and come out alive. If he had been a few minutes late, she could have suffered to death from the undying abuse. The memory was deeply engraved in the depth of her heart, recalling him standing by her side during the hospital procedures. He never wanted to admit it, but he was the town's hero for saving the mayor's daughter. 
Therefore, her gratitude towards him was prodigious. And for the same reason, she wanted to be there for him during tough times. No matter how hard she tried, her approach would emerge unsuited and unfit each time. People told her to get ahold of her steps countless times, and she still made the same slips every time. Nevertheless, she didn't give up and reached out to dial the official. 
"Seo-Jun, I-"
"My apologies, sir. I've crossed my line," she hastily tried to cover up her actions, slapping her forehead for being nosy and pushy. 
"I'm not okay," the voice on the other side emitted into the discomfiting silence, a heavy sigh following the statement. Seo-Jun opened her eyes to perceive the sentence, staring at the floor beneath her as the declaration reiterated in her brain. She widened her pupils when she finally realized what he had uttered, almost falling off her chair after swiftly turning and grabbing back the radio. 
"Sir, is this about the note you've received?"
"What note?" he frowned, backing up. 
"Well, you've got a message on your account, and you know it goes through me first, so I might have accidentally read what was on it-"
"What note are you talking about?" The stern change in speech startled her, contemplating if it was due to her admitting her horrible demeanor or the want of information. 
"The one that states: Broadway 123, 11:30 PM," she reread the email, stuffing her mouth with another strawberry-flavored lollipop. At this point, it was a miracle her teeth hadn't fallen out yet. 
"Any signatures?"
"Just two initials: K.J."
Heeseung's stomach dropped at the revelation, which only confirmed his prior thoughts. It was the 13th of March, after all. What was he thinking?
He looked at the time on the display, typing in the coordinates to the navigation. It showed an estimated arrival in 15 minutes. His jaw clenched, attempting to pulverize the inexhaustible alarm ringing in his skull.
"Fuck, why didn't you tell me earlier?" his panic disseminated into anger, hastily starting up the car. He grabbed the gearstick, his leg pressing the accelerator. 
"I'm sorry, sir. I thought you knew about it."
"You know goddamn well I never check my email," he shifted to 3rd gear already, turning on the emergency lights on the car. They switched from one color to the other, the sound of sirens following right after every blick. 
"I'm really sorry, sir, but what does it even tell? It sounds dangerous."
"Cause it is," Heeseung cut her off, "and that's why you should have told me earlier." 
Seo-jun's voice went quiet, the time on the call prolonging without either side speaking. 
She had nothing to say, as she realized the severity of her actions. 
Frankly, she had difficulty understanding the whole situation and why it aggravated Heeseung this much. She stared at the email, trying to find a hidden clue or something that would cure her curiosity. 
Despite her attempts, she ended with disappointment, leaning back on the chair with a loud sigh. 
She turned her head to the side while Heeseung turned his back on the road, which was moderately clean, with no traffic jams preventing him from reaching his destination. Most cars quickly reacted to the situation and pulled to the side of the road. 
He looked in the rear mirror, seeing a silhouette sitting in the backseat with blood all over her face, a faded smile visible. 
"Help her, I beg you," The voice echoed in his ears as he made a left, entering the mentioned street. 
He fought the unwanted shakiness in his body, the sentence replaying like a broken cassette, causing him to break down the walls he had built in the past months.
He had to be more collected. His duty was to stay calm under pressure and not to invoke panic, but here he was, gripping the wheel too much. His nails began to hurt from the prolonged force, eyes ungluing from the road for a split second. He looked at his image in the mirror, sensing a faint taste of blood. There, he could see the deep cut on his lip, his teeth responsible for choosing the wrong coping mechanism. 
He could also see the same hopeless look as the one on that day, anger building up from within to curse him for being a wreck in such a crucial situation again. The consequences of it taunted him, internally punching him for his incompetence. An officer who couldn't control his emotions was the same one trying to rescue someone. He couldn't even stop himself from deteriorating, and here he was, seeking to thwart others.
It was all foolish, just like he was at this moment. 
What a fool he was for wanting a chance to right the wrongs. 
Without a second thought, Heeseung immediately parked near the reported location, practically jumping out of the car. He checked if his gun was locked and loaded again before heading out. 
He looked around, eyes looking for potential gang associates in the surroundings. He expected at least some bodyguards or watchdogs near the building, but no one was around. Grabbing his flashlight, he took an overhand grip, shortening the distance to the building with each cautious but fast step. 
The residence was outdated, definitely abandoned by the looks of its upkeep. What seemed like a factory was now an empty, deserted residence. No one had visited this place for a long time. 
He approached the door, reaching the porch to see if anything was happening inside. 
The front door was locked from the other side, the darkness concealing the image inside. Heeseung had to go through the back to enter, listening for any noise on his way. It was too quiet for his liking, not a single peep emanating from the residence. He climbed over the wire fence, sucking up the pain the metal left after puncturing his skin. 
Nothing was more important than reaching inside.
He did suspect the message, wondering if it was another prank pulled by the bored teenagers. Sadly, it happened quite too often, with them lining up the emergency number and creating false stories to bring out the hirelings for their entertainment.
Still, none of them knew about his past, so the chances were nearly impossible. Not even his colleagues knew why he decided to take a day off today. They had zero keen on why this day was so important for him. They had no idea it was this day that turned his life around.
He took a position behind the wall as he glanced for the back door, peeking out carefully. To his surprise, it was wide open, bestowing him an entrance. 
He approached it slowly, looking out for a possible intruder since the unusual stillness wasn't preventing the tension in his muscles from stiffening. When he met no obstacles, he determined it was clear to proceed, stepping inside.
The uneven concrete underneath welcomed him back, permitting a path towards the middle. Just like last time, he thought to himself, before approaching the cursed center. 
Here.
It all happened here.
It was where he found Seo-Jun. Right here. 
He could see the silhouette in the wooden chair, bound by duct tape. He could still feel the hopelessness and helplessness.
A supposed rescue mission turned into a shootout, in which he had zero back-ups to overcome the opponents. 6v1, and Heeseung barely came out alive, with one bullet shot in his right arm. The female he was supposed to save bled out on the spot because of fatal injuries, and there was nothing he could do to help her. He tried so hard to stop the bleeding and apply as much pressure as he could in his injured condition. All just to witness her slowly part away in his arms with a painful "thank you".
Heeseung blamed himself for her death till today. After all, he was the one to blame for it. That's what her parents kept repeating.
"Murderer! It was your job to protect her!"
"She's dead because of you!"
"It should have been you who died, not her!"
They were right. 
He agreed with everything they said. It was the truth. He had failed, and there was nothing he could do to bring her back. 
Nightmares of the terror night practically became the fairytale of his sleep. He would wake up drenched in sweat, pushing himself to successfully save her in his dreams. He was so close but so far away at the same time. 
It was all humorous. How returning to this unfortunate place stirred the wrong memories. How it managed to discern the familiar gut-wrenching feeling in his system. The one he had to take medication for every day to keep his head clear. To stop seeing the silhouettes of her everywhere. 
"Seo-Jun, don't do this to me," his head dropped to his feet, refusing to reexperience his trauma. 
"You're not here anymore," he bit down on his lip, gulping down the ascending guilt.
"But it's not me, Heeseung." 
His eyes rose, staring at the silhouette. They struggled to decipher the person in front of them, barely having the energy to stay open. 
He stepped closer, his heavy steps echoing through the enormous vacant room. He was expecting it to disappear as it was a part of his imagination. However, it stayed there, clear as a day.  
It was her.
Not her her, but her.
The voice that haunted him every night in his nightmares. The one that begged him to save her sister from those psychopaths, putting the last bits of hope into him. The screams replayed in his nightmares when he had come out with her sister in his arms, barely holding the victim as he was close to passing out himself. They soon turned into weeps, coughing up the pain in her system, unable to stop her body from shaking at the sight of her sibling in agonizing pain. 
He remembered the way she looked up at him while the paramedics carried her inside the ambulance, face covered in shock and desperation. 
It was as if both knew the outcome awaiting them in the hospital, not prepared to admit the painful reality. They wanted to pretend like they didn't know, even if it was only for a minute. 
He recalled her running after the car, legs giving out in the middle, getting up over and over again without thinking twice about the damage on her knees. 
The same pain he felt back then kicked in right now, pounding into his stomach because despite disappointing her, she was the one who checked up on him in the ER. She was the only person who turned up. The only one worried about his condition, holding in the tears.
"I know my sister was glad someone tried. That someone cared and wanted to save her."
"I'm happy to know that the last face she saw was yours and not those bastards'."
"Mr. Lee, thank you. Thank you for everything."
Despite everything, she said those words to him, managing to smile at him before leaving. He felt her release the painful ache through the door, mourning for the lost one as the hospital tiles created a path stained with sorrow. 
"It's your chance, Heeseung."
"To do what you couldn't with me."
He looked around to glimpse a ghost of Seo-Jun, to believe it was all real and not a part of his disturbed imagination. 
But she was nowhere to be found. 
It was Y/N instead, encircled by the cause of her sister's death.
The same person he stopped visiting every day after the incident, too thoughtless to leave her all alone in that big city while the perpetrators roamed around freely. 
He thought it would have been for the better to give her space to grieve properly, without him appearing at the door to remind her of the incident. 
She never complained, though, but rather showed her gratitude for the concern, not managing to function alone with her parents passing on their sadness to her. 
It was a difficult time for her to be in, especially alone. That's why Heeseung's presence brought her the peace and comfort she needed. He helped her move out her sister's furniture, going as far as to seclude a deal to sell the apartment so the family could have a proper funeral, which he ended up attending himself. 
Her parents weren't exactly hiding their anger at his presence at such a personal event, holding him accountable for the happening of the ceremony. 
However, she was the one who had invited him. She chewed their disapproval and asked him to stay beside her. She needed someone to hold on during the event, both mentally and physically, thankful for his hand lingering on hers as she watched her other half disappear into the ground. 
He stayed with her for a long time after that, coming every morning to help her get out of bed and get ready for the day, becoming her caregiver for the following weeks. 
She was suffering inside, and he could tell by her blankly staring into the walls, movements so slow it looked like it hurt. It was difficult to convince her to eat, noticing the loss in appetite she kept ignoring, blaming it on her stomach troubles. 
Nonetheless, she never protested when he wanted to feed her, always cooking or ordering something from outside. She felt like a baby in those moments, with him practically begging her to open her mouth, putting a smile on her face instead. 
They talked a lot over those weeks, with Heeseung opening up about his past and traumatic childhood, sharing the fragments of his parent's death and how it has affected him. He talked about the car accident, the one he was also in. He was the sole survivor, the sole person to exit the hospital and not be transferred into the morgue.
He had never told anyone before, and conveying the lingering heartache was such a relief that he couldn't stop talking, gathering up every detail he had in his memories. 
In a way, it connected the two more, having gone through the tragedy of losing a loved one. Y/N couldn't help but notice the feeling of safety in his company. The more he transmitted, the closer she felt, like she could trust him with her whole life.
While she was fully aware of the effects he was having on her, Heeseung was too busy focusing on her condition to catch the sparkles of joy. 
Whenever she opened the door to him, he couldn't help but beam. His heart would fill up with contentment, dopamine levels increasing at the brief touches they shared, hiding the butterflies amassing inside. It was wrong for him to catch feelings after everything he caused her, and the guilt expanded in his chest at the realization.
Unfortunately, he wasn't the only one who had caught up on the situation. Soon enough, her parents personally contacted him and asked to meet without their daughter's knowledge. They were the real reason for his departure, the why for abandoning her when she needed him the most. 
He never had the opportunity to tell her the truth, to tell her he didn't go on his will but was forced into that decision. He wished he could have told her he was threatened with being sued and losing his career forever due to their belief about his negligence on the mission. Either that or he had to leave her alone and go as far away as possible if he didn't want his life to be over. 
That is what he meant when he said he was a coward: a coward who couldn't even tell the truth. It followed him wherever he went, the mere image of her constantly transmitting in his thoughts.  
And now, the image was trapped in another nightmare with little time, falling into his hands yet again. 
This wasn't how he wanted to meet up, but fate had its way of managing things. The only thing Heeseung knew was that he couldn't let her down again. 
She had to come out of here alive.
No matter what it would take.
"You came," a raspy voice loomed from the darkness, causing Heeseung to hastily stand up and point his gun at its origin. 
His stomach dropped when he locked gazes with the criminal. 
"Kang Joon-Woo."
"It is I indeed," he fixed his tie covered in a fleur de lis pattern, showing off his wealth in the black tuxedo. His auburn slick hair drew attention to his green eyes, which turned stone cold once his gaze landed on the officer in front. They were empty, vacant, without any emotion. It was like staring into a deep well at night, manifesting fright and unpleasantness. 
"It's a pleasure to meet you again, Mr. Lee." his silver crown shone as the moonlight sheathed his face, lowering his head before looking back at him again. He exuded the same stare that day, slicing through deeply and threatening with its lethal power. 
Kang Joon-Woo, one of the lead rings of the cooperation of Kang Holding, was the chairman and the mastermind of the whole operation a year ago. Kang Jun-Seo was his right hand, more like a lap dog. 
They were both known criminals in the district he used to work in, successful businessmen who led one of the most influential companies in the city. They ran many hotels scattered over the country, using them as a front to conceal their actual intents by managing and commencing new deals. 
Beneath the surface, they hid several classified secrets, ordering various exchanges between dangerous parties. Some reports revealed drug usage and distribution, contacts with the black market, and even active participation on the deep web.
However, their main focus was on sex trafficking, exploiting young women for their income. It has been going on for many years, with the two predators selling out females to different countries, motivated by the big numbers on the cheque. They were both aware of how these girls would end up, forced to become objects for whoever had bought them. That was the twisted part in itself. The fact that the two went off to doing this.
He found out himself when he got ordered to take over one of these cases since the department had a lead and had a high chance of uncovering the trafficker's location, hopeful about the retrieval. So was Heeseung, especially after the Chief of Police had picked him out personally for the case along with two other ambitious corporals as the sergeant was sick that week, unable to operate. It was his biggest chance to prove himself and stand out amongst his coworkers. 
"Months of searching, and now I have you both at my feet," the snarky laugh punctured through.
"What have you done to her?" Heeseung looked back at Y/N from the corner of his eye, unable to bypass her drugged state. He knew he had to act before it was too late, struggling to piece a plan together at the revelation. 
"I just gave her some candy. You know the ones that bring you to another dimension?" he pulled out a pack of Arrirangs from his pockets, finding the whole situation hilarious. It was uproarious to watch the terror in Heeseung's eyes, darting from the girl back to him. 
"You fucker," Heeseung quickly hovered over her, checking her pulse and breathing. 
"Calm down," he scoffed in amusement, taking a whiff of the toxic elements his body lacked. "I need her to be alive as well." 
"What do you want?"
"Come on, Heeseung. You're smart enough to know," a sigh parted in the heavy ambiance, playing with the cigar between his fingers.
"You know goddamn well someone has to pay for the losses you caused on that day."
"Leave her out of it. She has done nothing."
"Who called you on us?"
"She did the right thing. They just chose the wrong officer."
"Fucking pathetic indeed. You couldn't even save her in the end, could you?" the man burst into laughter, brushing back his hair. He was loving every second of this.
"Since you failed to save her. Now, we need someone to replace her place."
"Jun-Seo was thinking about this beauty right here, but I told him it was too dangerous. Didn't I, brother?"
Heeseung froze at the callout, feeling the mentioned one's presence behind him. He also felt the weapon pointed at his head, threatening to be blasted at a slight movement. Every possible curse flashed in his mind, all pointing towards him.
He was screwed.
"Drop it," the baritone ordered. 
Before he could even look at the famous criminal, the man punched him in his back, amplifying his directive. Heeseung had no other option but to comply, slowly placing his gun on the floor. The guy immediately kicked away the weapon, far away from their reach. He stood there with his hands aloft, looking back at the man ahead.
"And what did I also say?" his tongue clicked, putting on a pair of black leather gloves.
"To have her, we must get rid of the cop."
"That's right." He snickered, approaching the injured girl. 
"Poor girl, she has no idea what's happening," his fingers wrapped around her neck, snickering at the beauty. He turned her face to the side, his filthy eyes scanning her features.
"Don't touch her!" Heeseung shouted, attempting to step closer.
"You better calm down." 
"Or do you want my brother to pull the trigger already?" her hair twirled around his finger, "I want her to see it first." He quickly pulled onto it, causing her head to fall with the snatch.
"No, she has nothing to do with this. I killed your men, not her. Let her go, now!" 
"I'm afraid I cannot do that, Heeseung. My client wants a replacement for his previous loss."
"And we decided to give him the other sister," the twin snickered, licking his lips. 
"You're fucking sick." Heeseung looked at the man above Y/N, passing on a distrustful smile. 
"I think we have waited far too long for this one," The snarky laugh punctured through, running his hands on her exposed thighs. 
"I said don't fucking touch her!" 
The delinquent just laughed and took a knife, putting it under her neck. He played with her hair, leaning closer to her ear, whispering something, and smirking right after. Whatever it was, Heeseung was sure it was appalling and lewd. 
"So," the edge of the weapon traveled down her T-shirt, "I'm going to have my fun." He sneered as its sharpness cut the clothing in two, exposing her body to the filthy losers. 
"And you're going to watch."
"You fucking piece of shit!" he jumped the guy, not thinking twice about it. They both rolled down the floor, one trying to keep the weapon, whereas the other risked to grab it. 
"I'll kill you. Right here, right now," Heeseung hissed, head-bumping him as soon as he had the opportunity. 
"You fucker," Joon-woo immediately covered his nose, staining his hand with his very own blood. He was sure it was broken, but it wasn't enough to stop him from returning the favor. 
Heeseung looked back at the other brother, who attempted to shoot the man in black, raising his arm to carry out the movement. 
However, Heeseung was quicker, avoiding the fatal hit by rolling over in time. He still had Joon-woo on his back, getting on his hands to perform a leg sweep. With that, he fell on his back, pushing all the air out of his lungs with a curse.
"You are dead meat, Mr. Lee," the man coughed out, barely having the energy to properly look him in the eye.
Heeseung knew he was minutes away from another blast from Jun-Seo's gun. Without wasting time, he quickly stood up and ran into the other perpetrator with full force. He successfully knocked both of them over, the firearm vanishing in the far distance. The stunt in the movement allowed him to yank and throw the firearm into the far distance. 
"Get him!" the other twin ordered, quickly taking out his Glock 19 to point it at Heeseung. Jun-Seo got on his feet again, shooting a death glare. Despite not having anything to defend himself with, he relied on his strength, rushing to him. His arm extended toward Heeseung's direction, and a sudden hand appeared in front of his face. 
"I should have killed both of you when I had the chance," Heeseung panted, evading each punch like a pro. It was too easy to fight with such an incompetent loser like him, managing to switch positions in the meantime. 
"We should have gotten rid of you two sooner," Joon-woo yelled, shooting into the brawl. He only didn't predict Heeseung doing the unthinkable by pushing the brother in front of him. The bullet entered the wrong body, disappearing in Jun-Seo's chest with a loud gasp. 
"No!" The shooter yelled at the turn of events, watching his twin fall to the ground right next to his feet. He panted in pain and brought his hands to the wound his sibling unintentionally caused, his eyelids losing their tension as his pupils dilated. 
"You piece of shit!" The scourge unleashed from between his lips, a pair of heartless eyes darting back. He looked back to see the cop with his gun right back where it belonged, pointed at him, the main suspect.
"You did all of this just for this stupid bitch!" He raised his arm, turning in the direction of the abducted innocence. 
"Step away from her," Heeseung yelled, blood rushing through his veins.
It was a relief to have taken down one of the obstacles in his way without getting his hands dirty. Nevertheless, there was still the main problem standing in front of him, aiming to assassinate his victim. 
He knew the sicko could pull off a dangerous stunt since his actions were unpredictable, scanning the expressions on his face. He was expecting furrowed brows, hands clenched into fists, or a death glare at least. 
All he got was a loud sigh, followed by a prolongated laughter. The kind of laughter you would hear The Joker do in a quarrel with Batman whenever the two would argue. It was almost as if he was amused or pleased with the outcome, even though his brother was lying inches away in a puddle of blood, practically minutes away from dying.
"You really are a jokester, Mr. Lee," he lowered his gun, ignoring the confusion on the cop's face.
He just passed on a stare and a scowl, fidgeting with the weapon in his hand like it was a toy with no bullets in it. His behavior was so bizarre that Heeseung couldn't help but stare at him in confusion. 
The thing was, the stare he carried didn't belong to someone who had just given up. It wasn't of someone who just surrendered and accepted his fucked-up fate. 
It was the complete opposite of what it was supposed to be -malicious, daring to some degree as if he was taunting him with his capability. He challenged him with a gradually growing smirk. 
At that moment, Heeseung realized it wasn't a renunciation but a part of the plan. The plan that had been constructed from the beginning. Composed to every little point to lure out the enemy. She was his weakness, and they damn well knew about it. They were cruel enough to use it against him. 
With another look, he noticed the turnabout in Joon-Woo's glare, the shade of wrath igniting. 
"For thinking I would let her off so easily," the loud bang emitted through the silence, a sharp "pop" following right after. The noise yielded Heeseung to register the situation, his eyes widening as they quickly scanned for the landing. His gaze landed on the girl in the chair, uncovering a bullet point of entrance on her chest. 
Heeseung's heart dropped as he looked over to the side. 
His eyes widened in horror, staring blankly at the injured girl.
His body went numb, but he still tried to remain as stoic as possible.
All he could do was stare, frozen in fear, as the girl's white shirt slowly turned red.
Heeseung knew he couldn't repeat the same mistake, not hesitating to respond as he pointed his gun directly at the shooter. It was what had to be done. Jun-Seo was going to die today, next to his brother.
His heart skipped a beat as the adrenaline rush towards his veins intensified. He pressed the trigger, watching the evil twin staring back at him in shock, falling back. 
The loud thud confirmed the man was no longer alive, the bullet in his head adding to reason. 
Heeseung slowly approached the corpse, looking at him one last time to ensure himself. 
At that moment, he indeed felt the unbearable weight on his shoulders falling off, all of it evaporating in the air. 
Heeseung finally exhales, dropping his gun to the floor. His heart rate slows down, but the poundage in his body becomes heavier, almost as if the world was collapsing in on him.
"Where-" he quickly turned around at the origin of the sound, his eyes meeting the girl's.
Heeseung instantly rushed to her side, trying to assess the damage.
Her blood flowed onto his hand as he pressed it on the entrance wound, attempting to stop the bleeding.
"I'm going to save you, just hang on..." he whispered, applying pressure after dialing his collegaue. 
As she struggled to remain conscious, her eyes locked into his.
She was unable to express her gratitude with words, so she gave his hand a light squeeze, letting him know that she understood his intentions.
She trusted the man for some reason, even though she couldn't see his face. Everything was pitch dark.
She hoped for the misery to end soon, letting her eyelids rest.
She only waited for the moment to end, for the afterlife to welcome her.
Heeseung was overwhelmed with worry and fear. He knew how close she was to dying, watching her breath grow shallower and more shallow after each passing moment.
He saw her eyes flickering in and out of consciousness, but all he could do was gently stroke her hair away from her face, hoping and wishing for a miracule. 
His hand rested on her chest, feeling her heartbeat. He desperately implored it to keep going, pleading with the higher powers, begging them not to let her slip through his fingers.
"Don't leave me, please," he whispered, kissing her hand.
Heeseung noticed her breathing pattern becoming erratic, her pulse slowly becoming weak, indicating that she was losing the battle for her life.
"Don't go," he whispered, placing his face closer to hers, willing her not to leave. The tears rolled down his cheeks, shaking his head in denial. He desperately tried to keep them from falling again.
"Please stay with me," he beged, unable to handle the thought of her dying in his arms. He continued to caress her cheeks, his voice muffled as his face grew redder and redder.
"Please..."
He recalled all the memories they encountered, the bad and the good, and burst into tears again. He didn't even try to stop them, unable to hold it in any longer.
"I don't know what I'm going to do without you..."
Heeseung's voice filled with anguish, and ha piece of his heart ripped out of his chest. 
His desperation grew as her heartbeat grew weaker and weaker. Her chest rose and fell, labored. 
Each breath was battle for her life, and her body was not winning the fight. It started to grow cold, and her heartbeat became even fainter, as if it was trying to slip through his grasp.
"I'm so sorry." 
"I should have protected you," he cried, pressing into her chest. 
"I love you, Y/N."
Her hand rested on his, a faint smile spreading across her face. 
---------------------------------------------
"Y/N," 
"You-"
"It's you?" her brain refused to believe the alternative, pacing back and forth, forth and back, like a spectator at a tennis match. 
Lee Heeseung? 
Her Lee Heeseung?
No, that's impossible.
She foolishly wanted to hold onto the strand of hope even though it was perilous. She knew it would relish on painting her walls within in qualm, scribbling various disquietude lines, and doodling frightening visions.
It appeared so compulsive, eyelids concealing the water amassing beside. The droplets traced her rubicund cold cheeks, reaching the corners of her quivering mouth. She tasted the woeful hopelessness accumulated over the past months. 
How hopelessly she wished for it to be real.
For him to be with her. 
If there was one thing she had been yearning for, it was his return. 
Somewhere deep down in her shattered soul, she dreamed of a reunion. A reconvene in which she could hold onto him without fear. Without having to worry about him letting go once she would look away. Without being afraid of falling asleep because he wouldn't be there in the morning. 
It was the only thing she had been longing for. 
"No. You're not here. I'm seeing things again, right?" She looked around, laughing while groping the mattress. Doing so, she failed to detect the unknown material, repeating the same motion. It wasn't the same at home. It wasn't the latex filling she was used to. 
She swiftly looked around, eyes darting around the unknown layout. They glanced over its walls sheathed in snow without a single trace of a painting, the dim lamp gleaming in the corner. It smothered the gloominess in a soothing tint of beige, strangely comforting. 
It was so familiar, yet so unknown. 
Was it because this wasn't her first time being in this room?
"Why am I here?" Her rapid breathing complicated the question's delivery, hands clutching onto the duvet to prevent them from shaking even more. 
You fool.
She looked down, studying the IV line inserted in her vein. Her eyes popped out of their sockets, desperately trying to recall what had happened to put her in this situation in the first place. 
"Calm down," the man beside appeased, holding her hand. 
Compared to her ice skin, he was a burning flame. 
He wanted to believe it was because of his anticipation and not because of her declining health. 
He didn't want to be attentive to her paper skin or her bones visibly sticking out. Oh, how much he wanted to believe her knuckles weren't poking out next to his hand. 
However, he couldn't. He couldn't bring himself to denial when these were all the signs he harbored before. 
The last time he saw her, his thumb couldn't reach his pinky finger. When he wrapped them around her tender wrist now, they managed to join. 
All of these signals were so familiar that he couldn't ignore them. They weren't normal and he knew from experience what effects it could have if not properly treated. Consulting with the doctor during her sleep was a necessary procedure, but he couldn't tell her everything now. 
For God's sake, she couldn't even acknowledge it was him caressing her hand. 
He felt like a stranger sitting there, with a worried expression and no response. He didn't know what to do. The only thing he wanted was to hold her and tell her everything was over. That he had finally accomplished what he should have done a year ago. Something he owed her from the day they met.
Where was the feeling of joy he was supposed to encounter? First and foremost, he executed an outstanding performance on the job tonight. Thanks to him, the case that was open for years had finally come to an end. It was due to his commission the two criminals now lingered behind bars.
"Is this one of those dreams again?" she suddenly grasped his shirt, unable to distinguish fantasy from reality. She held on to the cotton fabric with dear life, knuckles beginning to hurt as the grip amplified. The oaky fragrance disbanded into the air, entering through her nostrils to allow a segment of remembrance. 
Her fingers slid against the black clothing, studying the outlines of it, tracing down and up again. His chest rose with each unanticipated touch, brows sliding upwards to inscribe a few lines. Worry was written all over them when she gaped at him in confusion, refusing to accept his existence.
"Where I hopelessly look for you and never manage to find you?"
The headache was overlapping her brain in confusion, and she struggled to fathom her surroundings. She didn't comprehend the quick change of emotions on his face, looking at her as if she had announced the death of a close relative. In the end, she went through these nightmares almost every night. So, it wasn't abnormal to her. Yet, his stare was intense and frightened, screaming in concern, the complete opposite of her disclosure.
It wasn't.
It couldn't be after all.
He left a long time ago.
"I'm tired of those dreams," her voice broke down, replacing it with a weep, "because I never manage to find you." She broke down, releasing the suppressed pain gathered in her system. 
The mere thought of them ran shivers down her spine, completely despising the state they left her in. The number of times she woke up crying, desperately trying to hold onto the comfort beside was too much to count. The way she would open her eyelids only to realize there was nothing but a cold and untouched bedside. 
She would always look at the empty spot with hope. 
Hope he would come into the room with that dazzling look and hop back in the bed to hold her tight in his embrace. She wanted him to say everything would be okay, just like he used to. She wanted to hear his smile again, see his laughter, and feel his love in her hands. 
Was it that selfish to ask for the undoable? 
It was.
After all, he had always been a far stretch - an unreachable beauty, like a star in the sky she could only admire from afar. Too unreal to be authentic. Too perfect to exist. Too good to be true. Just like their relationship. 
Even stars die eventually and gradually start fading away. It was simply natural for them to end as well. 
So why was it so hard to say goodbye?
Over 365 days have passed since the day, and Y/N still stood at the beginning of the road. It was as if her feet were glued to the floor, trapping her in the moment she desperately tried to eradicate. 
If a samurai's katana could slice through her stomach now, it wouldn't manage to do more damage. Nor his bow stricken to embed in her lungs. It would simply sting for a second before disappearing into the mist, just like everything else in her life. It would form a pool of blood beneath, assembling a shattered reflection. A reflection she would reach for and fall into its never-ending well of hatred and pangs of conscience.
"I did something wrong, right? That's why you left. I was so annoying with my constant mood swings, wasn't I?" 
Heeseung closed his eyelids to prevent the accumulated sadness from firing, trying to stay collected so as not to evoke more sorrow. 
His hands turned into fists, aching to swing on the coward's head.
What a selfish idiot he was. 
He was going to cry? Him? When he was the reason they were both in this room right now?
It was his decision that caused all of this. He wouldn't be right back at the start if he hadn't given her up for his stupid career. If only he had just listened to his inner heart, things could have been different, better.
It was like someone was ripping him open, cutting and slicing with the sharpest blade, puncturing endless rebukes. Not only was he screaming from the pain, but also from witnessing Y/N uncontrollably crying in front of him. 
Her petite hands held onto her hospital gown, slanting over to let out all the misery he had caused her. She couldn't stop herself from wailing in agony and torment, feeling so hopeless and confused with him reappearing in her life. It was a hard pill to swallow. The kind that gets stuck in your throat, and water cannot drown it. 
"I'm so sorry I couldn't control it," she sniveled, clutching her hair tightly and pulling it to inflict more pain on herself. 
"I'm so sorry," she screamed into the duvet, countlessly snuffling. Her cries were muffled, the airways between her lungs and nose becoming tighter with each one. She was practically yelping for air, hyperventilating. 
"I love you, Lee Heeseung. I love you so much that it hurts," her trembling index pointed towards her heart, repeatedly tapping her chest.
At this point, she was out of breath, wailing and gripping her clothes as if they could release the painful embrace around her chest. She lifted her gaze to meet the apples of his eyes. They were glutted with sorrow and guilt, heartbreak and commiseration. They were merely reflecting his feelings - complete hopelessness. 
"I can't live without you, Heeseung. I can't-" Her sob got cut off by his sudden maneuver, palms gently cupping her cheeks before drawing her face closer to him. Now, he stared into her chocolate eyes, gazing at his hickory ones with surprise. 
"I love you more, Y/N." His nose rubbed against hers, foreheads aligning with one another to create an intimate moment between the lovers. They used to do this often, almost every morning, just holding each other and laughing in joy. It was like a routine, something mandatory before getting out of bed.
"More than anything else in this world," his tears caressed hers, tracing them upwards with his lips. He replaced the traces of sorrow with caring pecks, making sure to collect every drop. 
"Heeseung," her hand clutched his shirt, trying to stay sane even though, deep down, she was melting in his touch. 
He lightly tilted her head back, gaining access to her quivering mouth. She had it slightly ajar, huffing the compressed air through the small gap. Waves of electricity were dashing down her cells, causing an upheaval of homeostasis. The more he looked at her, the harder it got to breathe without a strain on her lungs. She had no choice but to say, "Please, just kiss me."
There was no time for that request to have been adequately thought through, as the circumstances deemed the opposite effect. For once, Y/N didn't want to think over her decisions. She wanted them to happen and worry about the consequences later. 
"Can I really?" his hand slid back, holding her head to grant her maximum relaxation. 
"You fool, I just told you to do it."
"I only want to make sure," he murmured, his lips automatically attracting with hers, like two magnets of opposite poles. 
Perhaps it was a lofty comparison, but the way neither side hesitated before carrying out the deed proved otherwise. They have been yearning for this moment ever since they have parted ways. 
Hell, they spent all of their time convincing themselves they weren't a match made to last for centuries when they were. Their love was so powerful that the glue in their bond never dried out. 
Even though they were two completely different people, it was their love that brought them together. No one could change that.
"No one."
"Not ever," he whispered while he damped her lips with his wet and warm tongue, panting with each smacking sound.
It was like entering heaven. 
He could almost feel the bright rays of happiness encircling them with its mighty power, not to mention Y/N's whimpers, which were like music to his ears.
Or maybe it was his poetic description of this incredible ecstasy that made it appear so illusory. 
He felt like a teenage boy again. His hormones were all over the place, and his heartbeat was agitated with an uncomfortable tension in his boxers.
God was cruel for putting his body into this state, especially in this situation. However, he couldn't control it. A whole year without Y/N meant a year full of bottled-up pain and tension. He never went out and slept with someone else because he knew too well no one could compare to her. 
Fuck, no one could be her, so there was no point in doing anything reckless. Plus, his heart wouldn't be able to do something so dishonest. It was loyal, unlike him, and it never erased nor forgot the name of his soulmate.
"I missed you so much," she cried, her grip around him tightening, so afraid he would let go and the feeling of safety would disappear with him.
"I know, Y/N. I missed you, too." Heeseung's hand slid up her arm, then her neck, until his hands rested on her cheeks, and he gently pulled her closer.
"But I'm here now," he continued, his voice filled with tenderness and affection. "And I don't plan on leaving your side ever again."
She looked up with red eyes, swollen and aching from the pang inside her heart. "You promise?" she asked innocently, not ready to receive a no for an answer. 
"I promise." His voice was firm, his words soothing. 
He kissed the top of her head, feeling her grip tightening around him while tears still ran down her wet, rosy cheeks. He wrapped his arms tightly around her, refusing to let go. 
"I'm not going anywhere. Not this time."
As if by instinct, she buried her face in his chest yet again, breathing in his scent and feeling his warmth as he enveloped her petite body in his warm embrace. 
Y/N felt her heart beating faster, the rush of emotions overwhelming and confusing her in the process. God, how much she has missed this. Being held, taken care of, and loved. For the first time, she allowed herself to feel vulnerable and let out a pained sob. She had held it for so long.
"Breathe," he whispered in her ear, noticing her shallow breath in a poor attempt at composure.
Her body couldn't stop shaking in his arms, the waves of emotions and shock deluging her.
"I'm here." The man of her dreams whispered, his words soothing out the bump of worries in her head. He stroked her lusciously dark hair once again, caressing her cheek as she leaned her head on the crook of his neck.
"I've got you."
That was all she needed to hear. 
They both remained in each other's arms, the silence broken only by their heavy breathing. At the same time, Y/N leaned in for his hands, holding them in hers. They were big and mighty next to her small and delicate ones, swallowing them in his palms. She played with his fingers, wrapping her digits around each one like an adorable baby. 
She has done this so many times before. It felt so natural each time as if their hands were sculpted to fit between the gaps of their fingers. Every insertion and removal was smooth like butter. She repeated it over and over because she couldn't get enough of it.
It was his hand she was holding and her hand he was kissing.
"Is this alright?" he asked foolishly.
She replied with a passionate kiss instead, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling the strong man as close as possible. Her body pressed against his, so gentle with each movement that it made him shiver. He leaned into the squeeze, letting go of his worries once and for all, only focusing on her warmth blending with his. His eyes rolled to the back of his head, the heat of her against his own sparking lascivious ideas. 
Her lips pressed softly against his skin, enticingly murmuring her name as a result. 
"Y/N..."
"I missed hearing you saying my name," she whispered into his ear before gently biting onto its helix.
Heeseung closed his eyes and exhaled a deep and long breath. He leaned closer and caressed her chin, tilting it upwards so he could meet her eyes again.
"I want to be with you forever," he said softly, hand gently caressing her hip.
"I want to wake up next to you every morning and sleep with you by my side."
"I want to hold your face and feel your lips on mine every chance. To feel our love growing more and more each day."
"I want to spend my life with you. To know you're my home, my heart."
She gaped at him in shock, not expecting to hear such a meaningful trail of confession after everything. It contradicted his ambiguously lengthy absence in which Y/N went through hell thinking about what she had done wrong. 
Now, he sat before her, eyes full of ardor and sincerity, brushing his devotion on her like a naked canvas. 
"I've made the mistake of letting you go once," he held her hand, placing it on his chest. She felt his rhythmic heartbeat gradually increasing with each prolonged second of his speech. 
"I won't make the same mistake twice, Y/N." 
Heeseung's voice is filled with sincerity and truth, determined to finally carry through his feelings to her like he should have done. 
"I can't promise I will always be perfect," he expressed, his hand intertwining with hers. "But I promise, I won't let anyone tear us apart again."
He squeezed her even tighter as if she was the only thing holding him together.
"What do you mean? Who tore us apart?" her face changed instantly, confusedly staring into his apprehensive eyes. The cat was out of the bag, and Heeseung finally had to face the harsh side of reality.
Instead of answering, however, his gaze drifted away. 
His expression became darker, pupils dilating from the rise of anger within. It wasn't directed towards the reason, but himself. He was furious for preserving this crucial information from her for so long.
He looked away, his hand still over hers as he tried to find the words. He took it and brought it to his lips, gently kissing it as he spoke.
"Your parents..." Heeseung said quietly.
"They never approved of us, and I knew."
Heeseung paused, unsure of how to proceed or what to say next. He didn't want to ruin her relationship with her parents or affect their reunion. Telling the truth was the best choice, but he wondered if she would forgive either side.
"They threatened to sue me and ruin my career. They said I was negligent on the mission. That I wasn't a good enough person to be with you."
He stared at her, doubtful of how much information to share. 
"They didn't want me to talk to you ever again," he disclosed, his tone guarded. "They told me either I stayed away from you or they would ruin my life."
He sighed and looked down at the ground, a slight sense of shame on his face. 
"It was their disapproval, combined with the threat of losing everything, that forced me to leave."
"So you chose your career over our love?" she scoffed, pushing his arms away.
"Your career was more important than our relationship?"
She shook her head in disappointment. 
"No..." Heeseung quickly replied, stunned and hurt by her sudden change of attitude. "You know I'm not like that."
The truth was that he completely understood her reaction. He responded to his terrible decision the same way, turning against himself for being such a selfish prick. 
Nevertheless, so much was at stake that he couldn't have done it differently. That's what he wanted to explain. To make her see his point of view and hopefully make her understand. 
"You're the only person who knows what I had to go through to become an officer, Y/N. You know what kind of future I envisioned for myself, for us."
He wavered, rethinking his wording so as not to make it sound wrong. His voice slightly trembled, incredibly scared of what might come after all of this. "It would have been my entire future they would have destroyed."
She shook her head in denial, not wanting to believe her bloodline would stand in the way of her happiness. She couldn't believe her mother and father put her into that misery and pretended to be clueless. 
They blamed him for everything, constantly pointing out how right they were about him from the beginning of their relationship. They kept telling her that he would eventually leave and never look back when, in reality, they were the ones who would cause it to happen. They were pulling the strings behind her back. 
This whole time, while she deteriorated from the uncontrollable pain all alone, they were the culprits of her suffering. 
"I," she covered her mouth, the urge to vomit intensifying at the repulsive revelation. 
"Why," she looked up at him, anger and resentment burning in her eyes. 
"Why didn't you tell me right away?" she whispered, her voice hingeing from the lack of power.
Heeseung shut his eyelids, unable to speak at first due to the words choking him up. He couldn't even look his love in the eyes as he lowered his face in remorse.
"I thought you wouldn't believe me," he replied calmly, his voice full of emotion. "They are your parents, after all."
Heeseung searched for the correct words to express what he felt in those moments right before he took the decision to leave her for good. 
"I thought me leaving would be the least painful, the least harmful choice. I didn't want to ruin your family for one incompetent coward like me."
"Bullshit!" she yelled, throwing all of his attempts away. She was so angry at him and her parents all at once that it molded into one tangled wool of wrath that gushed obstreperous amounts of ire. 
"I would have believed you, Heeseung. These are all just excuses-"
"How can you say these are just excuses," Heeseung oppugned, his voice breaking at the end of the sentence.
"You think I liked being forced to make that decision? You think I liked seeing you in pain because of me?"
He sharply inhaled, almost hissing when exhaling. The words were pouring out of him as fast as a waterfall, and no one could stop him from speaking his mind now.
"Don't you think I regret all of it? Don't you think that I wished every single day that I had just told you the damn truth?" he snapped back, his tone rising at each word. 
"Do you have any idea what I went through this last year?" she shut him down, firmly pushing him away.
Do you have any idea what I was thinking this entire time?" she panted, the wrath inside her escalating through the roof.
"I thought I wasn't good enough for you, that I couldn't even make you happy, that you left because I only rubbed off my bad mental state, and you couldn't handle it anymore. This entire time, I thought it was MY fault you were gone, and I wanted to die." The curses escaped her chapped lips, fists hitting the mattress out of frustration and lack of control over her emotions. Her eyes burned with ire and disarray, quivering from undergoing sudden shock.
"Every day, I dreamt about dying. Every night, I hoped I wouldn't wake up the next day and that I would just die." She shouted into his face, her yells soon enough turning into painful sobs. 
"After you left, Hee, there was no point for me to live anymore."
Heeseung stared at her, totally awed and stunned by her words. He was blind this whole time, ignorant about what was happening behind the curtains.
He couldn't form a sentence, experiencing such strong and intense emotions that he couldn't even find the words to describe them.
"I tried to end my life so many times," she cried, covering her face with trembling hands, entirely losing control of her body.
Chills ran down his spine at the weight of the last sentence, which unraveled the extent of her suffering. 
His worst fear became true: she was hurting because of him. 
From the start, he tried to do what was best for her future. Yet, he only made it all worse. He ruined her and became the cause of her nightmares, of every second of her affliction.
His heart broke into a million pieces. The amount of guilt he had never experienced before struck him intensely, leaving him breathless.
Tears slowly rolled down his cheeks as he realized he had worsened her depression. 
First, he took away the person who loved her the most and then disposed of the one she loved the most. All at the same time, because of him. 
He wanted to shout, to kick himself for being so oblivious. He wanted to hug her and hold her, cry with her, and beg for forgiveness.
But all he could do at that moment was stand like a deer caught in the headlights, completely speechless.
"I'm so sorry," he murmured.
"I never wanted to cause you... pain." His voice broke as he said those words, the guilt eating him alive.
"I-I should have been there for you, I-" Another sigh parted away.
"I failed to protect you."
"Yea, you fucked up. Now, go," her tone drastically changed, sitting up as she crossed her arms, head turning towards the window.
The world outside seemed so much calmer than the one in the room, the tension sticking on the walls.
Heeseung didn't know what to say. He tried to protest, to say something, to do anything to fix things, but after your dismissal, he knew he had to accept the fact that he had messed up beyond all reasoning.
He walked towards the door, waiting for her to change her mind and ask him to stay. 
However, his wish was replaced by a soft "go."
No other words were necessary for this goodbye.
He turned to face her one final time, his eyes full of regret and misery. They couldn't even match hers for more than two seconds before a tear rolled down his cheek.
He had to look away, refusing to see the pain in her eyes and her trembling face.
"No," he said, turning around.
Heeseung was frustrated and felt misunderstood, lost in the words of frustration and anger thrown his way. 
It broke his heart to hear her say these things. Although he expected the worst possible scenario, he couldn't come to terms with this alternative. There was no way he would let her go again. 
He paused, taking a deep breath to process what he was hearing.
"I failed you as a lover and a friend," he whispered, the tone in his voice filled with sorrow and disappointment. 
"I should have been there for you, I should have stayed and fought."
Her stare was still focused outside, refusing to communicate with him further. There was a lot of bitterness and pain inside her to pursue a polite conversation. Any minute, she would go off like a bomb. He was pushing the time until detonation.
Heeseung took a deep breath yet again, looking around the room in disbelief.
He had never seen her so angry before — not even when she was angry with her parents. This was a whole new level of anger.
He couldn't bear the thought of leaving in such a condition while being furious and hurt. Even if he thought she no longer wanted him around, he needed to prove that was not true. He wanted to prove to her his love was real and was not as shallow as she thought.
"Don't make me call the staff and get you kicked out," the threat set a foot on the floor, directly aiming at him.
She finally made eye contact, handing a cold glare, her brows furrowed and her nostrils flared.
For a few seconds, Heeseung was utterly stunned by her sudden threat and the intensity of the stare. Once she made eye contact, he saw deep down the pain and hurt that she was frantically trying to mask.
"I just want to say one more thing before I leave," he whispered, his tone gentle and apologetic. He looked away, unsure if he was doing the right thing.
"I don't want to hear anything from you," she sat up and got her slippers, aiming to stand up and walk him out.
However, a sharp groan escaped instead, her hand automatically positioning on the ache in her chest. His heart sank once again as he noticed the sudden wince in her facial expression.
"Are you okay?" he asked, his voice full of worry and concern.
He wanted to reach out but knew he did not deserve to comfort you in such a critical moment. It was all his fault.
Therefore, he remained standing, but only a meter away, as his worries grew over.
"I just need you to leave me alone." her expression changed nattily, practically hissing out the sentence.
He remained silent, not saying a word.He could hear her breathing and the slight wheezing with each inhale. Other than that, there was only the silence of the room.He couldn't find any words to say in such a situation, not when her voice bore hatred and disdain.
Slowly, he backed away from her, his feet making light sounds on the floor, almost unable to hear them. She winced when attempting to slightly move, each muscle in her body tensing at the unexpected action.
Tears summon in her eyes, crawling back from the overlapping ache and sorrow combined into a deadly mixture. Heeseung noticed how her body reacted, recalling the doctor's orders. He couldn't hold back anymore. He couldn't stand idle.
"Wait," he said quickly, his tone filled with worry and panic. He rushed to her side, putting a hand on her shoulder to prevent her from getting up.
"God, you're such a-" Her whine swallows the curse word, shutting her eyelids due to the ascending pain.
"You can hate me as much as you want, but you must lay down this instance," Heeseung sighed, noticing her effort at resisting his actions even if it was all for her safety. He tried to lay her down slowly but firmly, making sure he didn't hurt her any further.
He gently pushed her backward on the bed, hoping the pain from the movement didn't worsen.
"You're a pain in the ass," she coughed, eyes still closed to avoid any form of direct eye contact. His presence beside was enough to rile her up and clench her fists.
He had to hide his smile as her attempts to push him away and the occasional bursts of insults were adorable. She might have been furious at the moment, but her actions gave away the small hint of weakness underneath.
It made him want to apologize for coming back at the wrong time, but he remained silent and waited by her side for the pain to subside.
He sat on the edge of the bed, looking out of the window with a heavy pang in his heart. He stayed silent for a while, content with sitting in silence, even if she was still furious at him.
He occasionally glanced at her with a sorrowful look, as if he was sorry for causing you so much pain and distress.
Slowly, he turned his head back towards the window and exhaled, the only noise he made for the following minutes.
"I should be furious and mad at you for everything," she whispered, "Yet, I can't because it hurts even more."
Heeseung's eyes widened once she spoke up. She might have not looked at him, but he heard her perfectly.
She still sounded angry, but it sounded more like regret than anything else. It was the first time he saw her defenses crack, and he was starting to wonder how long until she completely broke down.
"I prayed every night to see you again, to be held in your arms," she paused, suppressing the wave of tears from flushing down her face.
"I-" she put her arm over her face, fighting herself from speaking up further.
He remained silent, watching her struggle with her emotions. He couldn't help but feel a pang in his heart seeing her trying so hard not to break down in front of him.
With a light, tender gesture, he wiped the tears away from her cheeks and put his hand over her fist, trying to hold her fingers while remaining careful about the injuries.
"I hate you," she whimpered.
"I hate how much I love you after everything."
Those words hit him like a knife to the heart.
Hearing her confess her love and hatred towards him was a bittersweet feeling. Although her words still harbored anger, there was no denying his heart was aching for her.
He looked at her, not saying anything, just staring, his eyebrows furrowing, waiting to hear what else she had to say.
"You broke me, and somehow-" she lingered on her words, snuffling, "you're the only thing I think about."
Heeseung's heart ached with each word she spoke, hearing the emotional confession.
He didn't quite know what to say. Her love for him seemed just as conflicting as her rage and hatred as if both were trying to take the throne as the primary emotion in her heart.
Her tearful, trembling voice made him feel vulnerable too, his entire being consumed by the emotions that made him want to hug her so tightly, wanting so desperately to make everything better.
"You turned me into a mess," she covered her face with her palms, refusing to be seen this vulnerable and weak again.
He couldn't even argue with that statement because, at that moment, he knew she was right. He had turned her into a mess. He had left her without a single thought about if she would be alright, what it would do to her given her psychological condition. 
He had forgotten how much she loved and needed him and how his sudden disappearance would affect her. He was unable to stand her vulnerable state any longer.
He grabbed both her wrists, pulling them away from her face, letting his eyes meet hers.
"Look at me," he said in the softest way possible.
He was doing exactly what she didn't want him to do.
She was concealing her reckless emotions from him, forbidding him to see her like this any longer.
At his words, she reluctantly let go of and slowly lifted her face. She didn't want him here, but she did. She craved, no, needed him.
She looked directly into his eyes, feeling her heart ache, not wanting this moment to end but also wanting to escape it. His orbs had the most solemn expression, looking at her with sorrow and empathy.
He couldn't help but feel how her emotions were constantly switching between rage and sadness, and although she didn't say the words, his heart was still willing to believe that she still loved him.
Because she truly did.
And that's why she hated herself so much.
Heeseung's heart couldn't take it anymore.
When she looked away from his eyes, he saw how much she was still struggling to keep her emotions from breaking down completely. He wanted to help her, he wanted to make everything better, but he didn't know how.
With a light tug, he pulled her close and tightly hugged her. The warmth from his body spread to her, the smell of his cologne filling her nostrils.
As if the whole world had turned upside down, she had officially reached her limits. There were no barriers in her way anymore and she let her emotions burst out.
At last, she allowed herself to cry in front of someone again. In front of him. In his arms, in his embrace, in his chest.
With the sound of her trembling breaths, Heeseung could feel how real this moment was. Every tear falling from her cheeks, every sniffle, and every sob.
He didn't mind one bit. He didn't care how vulnerable she was right now or how weak this moment made her look. To him, her hugging hugging him back and feeling her body pressed against his was all that mattered right now.
She was finally home.
She was finally safe again.
She was where she was supposed to be all along.
With her lover, her soulmate, her other part.
She could finally smile again.
Heeseung tightened the grip on her body, wanting to bring her as close as possible to fill the space of loneliness in her heart.
The feeling of her warm body against his was all he needed to feel complete again. It was like he found the last missing piece of the puzzle. With it, the picture was complete. His heart was finally beating again. 
He kept his arms around her, not letting go of her for a single second. He hoped that this was just the beginning of their second chance.
Her hands rested on his chest as she lifted her head, inches away from his lips.
He brought her closer, making the space between their faces even shorter. He slowly lowered his head to meet her lips, his breath slightly trembling as his heart pumped rapidly in his chest.
She moaned into the kiss, closing her eyes and letting him take control. She was so tired, both mentally and physically, but craved him intensely.
Their tongues collided against each other leisurely and intensely at the same time, desperate to have one another as close as possible. 
The kiss was hungry, both despairing for each other that they were practically devouring each other rather than just simply enjoying the moment.
Heeseung's arms tightly wrapped around her, holding her firmly against his body, his lips moving with a steady pace alongside hers. There was no need for any words, as their entire bodies had already expressed everything they needed to.
His hands ran under her hospital gown, sliding upwards on her back. She arched her back at the contact, moaning and lightly biting onto his lip.
Heeseung couldn't help but moan at her reaction. The feeling of his hands on her skin sent shivers down her spine, his fingers feeling like little sparks of joy spreading through.
He moaned against her lips again, wanting this moment to last even longer.
She was all his, and he was all hers.
There was nothing that could stop them from being so intimate and together right now. All the anger and hatred that lingered inside was washed away by the sheer joy of being reunited.
He began tracing her spine with delicate, light touches, sending a chill down her back despite the warm sensations that the gesture caused.
When his hands moved further up, her back began to arch involuntarily, breathing becoming heavier.
His fingers found themselves tangled in her hair, pulling back as the kisses became even more passionate.
"Someone could come in any moment," she panted as he pulled away for a minute, gripping his shirt for stability since she was in a daze. Any hospital staff could barge in, and she certainly didn't want anyone to catch her engaging in lewd activities...
Heeseung let out a chuckle at her reminder, still feeling his heart pump and his lips vibrating with a warm, fuzzy feeling.
"I don't mind," he whispered, his lips hovering near hers again, teasing.
At that moment, the kiss felt so perfect for him, so right that he didn't care if anyone saw them in such a vulnerable state. He looked around the room and back at her, a small, mischievous grin appearing on his face.
"You're crazy!" she wanted to protest, but he kissed her again, sliding his hand behind her neck so she could fully transfer her weight onto his hand.
"Don't worry," he said, getting up and heading towards the door, getting a "do not disturb" sign out of the shelf and putting it on the door's front handle before locking themselves in.
He was glad he had decided to take her to a private hospital, not only because the surgery was done quickly, but he could also stay the night with her.
She couldn't help but feel a little bit of relief wash over, knowing that they wouldn't be interrupted by anybody walking by. The two of you could finally have some privacy to let the passion and desire run free.
With the heat between both of them building up, Heeseung returned to the bed, this time straddling on top of her.
"Oh," she gaped at him from below, her hands holding onto his arms next to her.
Her gaze landed underneath his shirt as he hovered over her, allowing her to fully see his abs. They were still as sculpted and defined as she remembered, perhaps even more visible now. Her mouth slightly hung loose, biting her lip to conceal her arousal.
He looked down at her, seeing the intent stare at his abs as her finger lightly trailed towards the edge of his shirt.
With a soft smirk, he lifted his arms, letting her expose his entire upper body, the abs, and pecs flexing slightly as he moved. He let her admire and touch every inch of his muscle, even letting her trace the veins on his arms.
For some reason, seeing him suddenly topless caused a couple of fireworks to set off in her stomach, immediately looking away to hide the wave of heat mantling her cheeks.
Heeseung couldn't help but giggle softly at her shyness, finding it utterly appealing. He still got butterflies each time she blushed like this, finding it to be one of her most endearing characteristics.
He leaned closer, lifting her hands off her face and caressing it with his own hands.
"So beautiful," he whispered, pressing his forehead against hers.
"Don't be shy. You can touch any part of me you want."
"Hee," she panted, feeling breathless from the lewdness of his words.
He chuckled, noticing how overwhelmed she got.
"I can't believe how easily flustered you get."
He paused for a few seconds before placing one of his hands on her pink cheek.
"It's okay to be touched like this, you know," he whispered into her ear.
"You've touched my heart so many times already, you can touch me as much as you like."
"If you keep talking like that, I'll melt," she sighed, placing her hand on his face as his gaze only evoked more attraction.
Heeseung laughed, finding her response to his comments sweet. He could see her already trying not to blush and feeling quite embarrassed, which made him want to tease her even further.
"Is that so?" he inquired, looking at her with a teasing smile on his lips.
"Well, maybe it would be better to see you in liquid form. Then I could at least drink in your beauty all at once."
"What are you even saying!" She widened her eyes, slapping his arm and covering her mouth out of embarrassment.
Heeseung smiled and played with a strand of her hair.
"Am I making you upset?" he teased, "and there I was, planning on making you melt all over me so I could lick it all up." With a smirk, he brought his face closer to hers, letting her feel his breath against her lips.
"You're such a pervert," her head turned to the side on the pillow, closing her eyes as the tip of her ears began to redden.
"You like it, though," his voice was tinged with a teasing undertone, almost daring her to deny it.
"Is this making you nervous?" he asked lusciously, "maybe I should keep kissing your neck until you can't take it anymore."
She moaned and grabbed his back the moment his lips brushed against her neck, breathing heavier than before.
He knew damn well how sensitive her neck was, and he always used that against her. He smirked at her reaction to his kiss, noticing how her body tensed up.
As he continued kissing her neck and leaving hickeys all across it, he could hear how she was trying to repress her moans.He didn't plan on going too far with this, but he was incredibly tempted to make you her out with his touch.
She pushed him away for a minute, her whole body practically shaking from the stimulation.
Heeseung smirked, knowing he had pushed her limits with the kiss.
Still, he didn't hesitate one second to get close to her again and place light kisses across her face.
"Is that too much?" he asked, his voice still maintaining that teasing tone, "I could do even more you know. We have a whole night ahead of us."
"I hate you so much," she grunted, letting him peck her face with smooches.
"Such harsh words coming from such a cute mouth." Heeseung laughed as she kept resisting his kisses, only making him want to tease her more.
"You can hate me all you want, but you can't escape my charm," he grinned at her, kissing her forehead and letting his fingers trail downwards.
"You could have gotten me naked instead of blabbering on."
Heeseung raised his eyebrows and smirked at the straightforwardness of her comment.
"Is that an invitation?" he inquired, "cause if it is, then I accept it completely." He brought her close to his body again, still keeping a firm grasp around her waist.
"Let me make your desire come true."
"Be careful, it hurts," she sat up, holding onto him.
Heeseung smiled softly at her actions, letting her sit up and gently lifting her onto his lap. He saw how tired she was, the exhaustion of the surgery still weighing in on her.
"Are you sure you want to do this right now?" he inquired in a concerned tone, "we don't have to do anything, and still…"
He wavered for a moment, leaning her body against him.
"I still want to be near you."
She nodded, running her hands on his bare chest before giving it soft and tender pecks.
He let out a soft groan as his chest was bombarded with so many kisses, his body feeling warm at the spot her lips placed on. He let her body lean on him, enjoying the softness of her skin on his own. He couldn't stop but smile at how soft and gentle her every gesture was, making him feel the need to protect her.
She traced upwards, bringing her lips to his neck. She soaked up the smell of his scent, letting her lips slowly brush against his honey skin, licking and biting occasionally.
After kissing his cheek, she let her face rest on his shoulder, sighing at the warmth they were passing onto each other.
Heeseung cuddled her, running his hands through her silky hair as he enjoyed the closeness of her presence. They were both lying in silence for a couple of minutes, letting the quietness of the moment envelope them both. He felt content, and so did she. She floundered to explain it, but being in his arms made her feel safe and protected as if she was in a cocoon away from the outside world.
"Help me take this off, please," she pointed at her gown, slowly kissing him one more time.
"You don't have to say it twice."
He paused for a moment, feeling her tongue gently slide across his lips. It was as if she couldn't wait to feel his warmth all over her body. The thought made him eager to get rid of the clothing, so he began pulling the strings to the side, slowly untying them before she could slip the dress over her shoulders.
She looked down to see her chest wrapped with bandages from the surgery, sighing at the sight. Her eyes darted away, slanting a bit.
Heeseung's eyes followed her gaze, realizing how uncomfortable and self-conscious she must have felt about it. Wanting to ease her tension, he smiled and placed his hands on her shoulders before whispering next to her ear.
"You don't have to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. I am your lover, and nothing you show me will make me love you any less."
With those words, Heeseung's voice was tinged with kindness, as he wanted to make her feel at ease and wanted.
"I'm sorry for looking like this," she lowered your head, trying to hide her chest.
Heeseung gently caressed her face, lifting it so he could stare directly into her eyes.
"Never be sorry for something you have zero control over." He lifted his hand and placed it on top of her chest, his thumb running across the bandages.
"I was here to support you during the surgery, and I'm still here now to support you through your recovery, and no matter what, I will always love you."
She felt her eyes watering, sobbing as his kind words caressed her soul with love.
He didn't hesitate to pull her in a tight hug, soothing her as he cradled her in his arms.
The comfort of his touch was evident, not only from how her body quivered from the sudden embrace but also from her sobbing. It was clear as a day that she was going through a lot, but the thought of being in his arms was enough to calm her nerves and soothe her soul.
"I love you," she whispered, looking for his lips with hers.
"I love you more, Y/N."
Heeseung brought their bodies closer. It was a tender moment, full of affection and love, as they shared a deep kiss full of care and adoration.
"So you still want me? Even though I look like this," she foolishly asked, worried he could be less attracted to her after the surgery. Not only that, but she had lost a lot of weight, and she wasn't comfortable in her skin.
Heeseung was instantly alarmed at the comment, well aware of her insecurities. The way she was concerned was the last thing he needed to see right now.
"Don't ever think like that again," he placed his forehead against hers, wanting her to understand how he felt.
"Nothing will ever make me love you less. You've been through this surgery and lost some weight, but have I ever told you how beautiful you still look? How much I still want you?"
"Please tell me," she hiccuped, getting goosebumps when he cupped her cheeks and softly caressed them in his big hands.
Heeseung smirked softly before leaning down to kiss her forehead.
"You are incredible to me. Nothing has changed how I feel about you. In fact, I feel that my love for you has multiplied, and I want you more than ever."
He waited for a minute, letting his words sink into her heart.
"You've gone through so much today, and all I want to do is take care of you and help you recover fully..."
She wrapped her arms around his neck, sobbing from receiving so much care and affection. She had gotten used to being alone and not having anyone for so long that she forgot how it felt to be loved.
Heeseung saw how his behavior was having a huge impact on her, and although he was touched by seeing her reaction, he also felt a certain joy in it, since it meant she was letting him into her life. The more she let him in, the more he felt satisfied, seeing how she accepted his protection. 
"Let me cuddle you again," he smiled, caressing her hair as he pulled her closer to his body.
"No, make love to me, please," she leaned back, letting him gently hold her close.
"I want you so badly."
Heeseung was a bit taken aback by the suddenness of her demand, but the tone of her voice was tempting and irresistible.
He let his hands crawl down her body until they ended up resting on her hips and butt.
"Are you sure you're feeling good enough to do something like this?" he whispered into her ear, not wanting to do anything that could potentially hurt her.
"As long as you're gentle," she smiled, caressing his face in her palm.
Heeseung let out a low growl as she touched his face, delicate yet sensual, enough to make him harder. The more she touched him, the more he felt his heart racing and his breath speeding up.
He moved in closer, their bodies touching from head to toe as her breath hitched.
"I'm all yours," she whispered.
Heeseung was speechless the moment he heard those words leave her mouth. 
It was the most beautiful thing he could ever imagine. 
Someone who truly loves him and wants to be with him.
He looked down at her, letting his orbs get lost in hers.
"Do you mean those words?"
She nodded, pressing herself onto his erection.
"My heart only beats for you and you only," she smiled, intertwining her hands with his.
He let out a low gasp upon seeing her take control, feeling some blood hastily flowing to his lower regions.
Her words were like music to his ears, and he kept grinning like an idiot. He was so happy she felt this way about him. He lowered his head, kissing the small space between her shoulder and neck.
"Take off your pants, Hee," she grabbed his belt, trying to take it off.
Her command had him on edge. He was so eager to obey that he didn't waste a second and quickly complied, undoing his leather belt and taking off his trousers as he sat on the edge of the bed.
Seeing him completely naked in front of her made her nervous, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear while looking over to the side.
Why did he have to look so ethereal and luscious?
The moment she averted her gaze to another direction and started playing with her hair, urging him to be even closer. He let out a slow breath and took in her appearance from head to toe.
She always had a way of looking vulnerable yet seductive that made his heart flutter with every heartbeat.
He leaned over, gently laying her back on the bed, getting on top. 
She gasped quietly, having him this close making her feel some type of way. Her hand wandered on his neck, pulling him lower to get a taste of his luscious lips one more time.
Heeseung moaned as she tugged him downwards and let her explore his body. It was a feeling that left him with no words.
He let his body rest on hers, making sure she was in a comfortable position as his hands roamed around her flawless body, trailing upwards until they ended up on her breasts.
She hitched once his warm palms held them, cautiously caressing them. Her hands rested upon his, guiding them to cup her breasts a bit more.
His touch was tender and careful, making sure not to hurt her while molding his hands to fit her curves. Her hands encouraged and guided him more, immediately tightening. Nevertheless, he made sure to keep the pressure at a minimum.
The feeling of the heat between their bodies, the sensation of their fingers running over each others' bodies, and the delicate kissing was enough to make his breath pick up pace as he groaned softly.
"You're so beautiful," she breathed out, every bit of oxygen getting cut off in her system whenever he looked at her with that dazzling gaze.
He sensed a deep level of contentment, letting his lips brush against hers. They were warm, and the feeling of her soft body under him left him feeling so excited that his heart would burst.
The fact she even wanted to be with him in that moment made the experience more fulfilling to him, the love only growing with each passing second.
He guided his mouth lower, from her neck to her collarbones, until he had reached her petite breasts, rubbing his face against them. He couldn't get enough of her scent and warmth, kissing and licking her nipples.
The tingling sensation of his tongue made her body shiver, bringing a rush of excitement. Her hands moved upwards to his hair, letting her fingers run through it. She failed to hide her moans, a few escaping, causing a surge of ecstasy to run to her toes, which curled in response. It was quite difficult to maintain her composure.
Her whimpers drove him crazy, glazing her teats tenderly like they were his favorite type of ice cream he couldn't get enough of.
She looked down at Heeseung's erection, grabbing it in her hand. Her fingers wrapped around it gradually, her heart rate racing, mind all over the place. She was lost in passion and had a hard time believing this was happening.
He leaned to her ear, his breath brushing over her after whispering her name. Her touch sent shivers down his spine, but he was also excited at the same time. It's been a while since the last time he had felt the sensation of a woman's touch on him, and he liked it.
She kept guiding her hand, traveling up and down his shaft. He continued twitching in her hand, overstimulated by her touch and existence. She struggled to properly inhale, the intensity of their activities sucking in all the clear oxygen roaming around the room.
Heeseung was going crazy. He was shivering and jolting, all his sensations heightening, and his body was becoming a little sensitive. She didn't have to touch his sensitive area to make him squirm. The way she used her hand to stroke him made any self-control he had left fly out of the window. The pleasure of her touch was overbearing.
"I missed you so much," she confessed, her thumb pressing on the head of his member, causing him to hiss in pleasure.
"I missed you too, Y/N," he whispered, letting a low moan slip out of his lips. She had his full attention. Not even his breath would slip away.
The way she took pride in making him squirm and moan, the way she traced him like a paintbrush across a canvas, made his heart skip a beat, wanting more of her.
He slowly thrust his member into her hand, practically using her to ease his arousal. She guided her palm gently down his shaft, letting him pleasure himself using her body. She kissed his neck, gently biting it. It was fun to care for the dominant one in the relationship.
Heeseung groaned as her lips kissed and nibbled on his neck. The feeling of the kisses left the blood running hot through his veins, sending a rush of heat through, slightly spasming below.
His hands moved down her body, one of them grasping her hips. She groaned as he felt his fingers circling her sacred part, spitting down for easy access inside.
"You shouldn't be doing this," he panted, his index playing with her clit.
"I should be the one pleasuring you," he stopped her from doing anything more, not wanting her to feel as though she needed to compensate him in any way.
His hand moved down to her body, skimming over her skin and body before settling down between her legs. His fingers caressed her folds, sending shivers.
"But I want to," she pouted, attempting to close her legs when his face was inches away from her exposed lower part.
"I know you do, but it's time that I got to return the favor to you," he cupped her thighs, squeezing them gently as he lifted her legs over his shoulders.
She covered her mouth, closing her eyes the minute his tongue brushed over her woman parts, causing her to throw her head back from euphoria.
Heeseung's touch was gentle but firm. He wasn't being forceful, he wasn't being rough, he was merely enjoying the moment of watching her body shake and tremble.
His hand moved lower and lower, his finger tracing your entrance.
His spit slipped inside, alongside his fingers, moving them in and out with ease while licking her clit. He pushed his fingers in more, curling them upwards to hit that sweet spot that would make her moan and groan in pleasure.
"Hee," she panted, drooling over how good she was feeling, tugging his hair since she needed to hold onto something. After all, she was going through cloud nine.
His touch left her gasping for air like a dying woman. She had no choice but to squirm and moan, letting a wave of ecstasy take over. It felt like she was in another world, the feeling extremely intense.
Heeseung's fingers circled and moved inside her, causing her to dissolve. She gritted her teeth, hands forming into fists as the pleasure overstimulated her.
His were moving slowly and methodically, focused on her that the world around him almost didn’t exist anymore.
It was as if the both of them were in their little worlds, enjoying the feeling of being together, their breathings syncing, bodies blending into one blossom. His hands slowly picked up the pace, going slightly quicker while remaining gentle.
"Hee," she called out softly, fighting to contain her lewd sounds, legs shaking slightly as the stimulations were overlapping. She felt like she was going to explode any second.
He knew what you were going through because he could see her expressions rapidly changing with each lick and curl. She was reaching that point where she couldn't hold it in anymore. It made him happy since this was proof that he was capable of pleasuring her to such an extent.
"I love you," she cried from the pleasure, arms crossing over her face to hold it all in. His fingers were quickly moving deeper and faster. He wanted her to experience as much as she could right now.
The words of affection got Heeseung feeling all mushy inside. He wanted to please her, to make her experience everything he could give.
"I-" her mind went blank, turning your head from one side to the other, feeling her climax building up inside. She was so close, and she couldn't hold on anymore. Her hand immediately grabbed his free one, tightly gripping it.
Heeseung didn't stop, speeding up to drive her over that edge.
"Hee-" she called desperately, legs shaking as he kept licking and moving his fingers quicker.
"Relax… Just relax, Y/N… Let go, let go for me," he said, his voice soft but commanding.
Without another minute, her nails dug deeper, her body shaking and tugging rapidly as she reached her climax, completely covering his fingers in her arousal. Heeseung smiled, licking all of her cum from his fingers and entrance, edging her with his kitten licks.
"Fuck," she cursed, overstimulated by everything.
She felt like all the tension had left her body - as if gravity had let go, and she was floating in the air. Her mind was blank, body trembling, breath quick and shaky as the feeling of pleasure was running all through your system.
"Heeseung," she whispered, pulling him closer.
He smiled a little as he moved his hand up to her cheek.
She wrapped her arms and legs around his body, kissing his neck over and over again.
"Please, put it in," she begged, resting in his embrace.
The moment she spoke was almost like music to his ears, and Heeseung knew exactly what you were asking for.
He gently pushed her down onto her back, leaning over with his hand trailing down her shoulder and chest to her neck. He let his other hand move lower slowly to touch her properly.
"Are you ready?", he whispered.
She kissed him, letting her actions speak. Her tongue immediately slid inside, breathing and moaning into his mouth.
He matched her energy, his tongue fighting with hers. He wasn't being gentle, neither was he being a beast. He was allowing the moment to unfold, not rushing it. The wet kisses were leaving them yearning for more.
"I don't want to wait anymore, Hee," she conveyed, wholly resting her body on the bed. Her legs were still wrapped around his waist, putting her arms above her head.
It was her way of letting him know that she was ready. That she needed him, now.
Those words sent his blood boiling, causing his member to twitch and jolt from the feeling of wanting her so badly.
He looked down at her marvelous body, noticing the position she had placed herself in for him - the invitation he saw in her eyes made him go wild.
He leaned down to her, his breath handling her with every word that came out of his mouth.
"Are you sure you can handle me?" he whispered, his voice a little low and husky from the intense moment.
"Stop talking and just do it already," her patience was getting thin, rubbing her lower part against his.
He grinned, unable to hold back the smile on his face after she snapped at him. With his body resting over hers, his hands went to the back of her legs, squeezing them slightly.
He looked into her eyes once more before pushing his body forward, aligning his shaft at her entrance. It wouldn't have been Heeseung if he hadn't teased first, rubbing his member against her slickness. He enjoyed watching her whimper in agony and frustration.
Her mind went blank the more he teased, swept away from his touch. There wasn't one single thought in her mind, merely focusing on this moment.
Her hands gripped his muscular arms, moans getting louder with each moment he rubbed against her beautiful body.
Heeseung's mind was on nothing but giving her satisfaction. Her legs gripped his back, voice becoming more breathy and soft as she wanted him to ease her arousal.
He smiled, and without a warning, he put himself in, his dick sliding inside her smoothly, causing both of them to moan loudly.
Her slippery and hot walls trapped him inside, trying to soothe his tugging and jerking shaft. He groaned, his abdomen drawing in at every push, shaking his head from the vigor of pleasure. She was unreal, her beauty, her body, just all of her.
Heeseung opened his eyes after calming down, his breathing deepening. His lips agonized for hers, huffing his compressed desire and longing into a powerful and passionate kiss. It was the longest one of today, sucking her lips in his mouth, his tongue grazing over, between, or under them continuously. He couldn't get enough, cursing at how unbelievable this was.
Her heart was beating so fast she could feel it in her ears, not believing that this was happening to her right now.
"H-Hees…" she could barely say his name as her voice quivered. He was using one hand to hold her against him, his other moving down to her hand.
"Y/N…" He breathed out, his voice husky and shaky. His thumb rubbed her hand, squeezing it gently to the point she could feel his touch.
The feeling of him being inside was a mix of many things, but the main factor was that it felt right. His body fit like a puzzle inside, like two pieces finally joining together.
She had used this expression before, but there was no better way of describing this bliss. It was too perfect to be true.
She was losing her mind, forgetting to breathe.
“Take a deep breath,” he whispered, the words barely audible from being so lost in the moment.
His hips slowly moved alongside her, their bodies now both thrusting together, absolutely lost in the moment.
All of his thoughts disappeared, the rush for pleasure consuming him. His lips met her shoulder between kisses, his tongue licking along it.
She did as he said, inhaling and exhaling filthy noises, turning him on even more. Her eyes were teary, not because it hurt, but because it felt too good.
“Good girl,” he whispered, caressing her hair.
His hips kept moving, taking longer, his back arching as he did. It took everything in him not to lose himself in the pleasure, to hold back and make sure that this was a long and enjoyable experience for both sides.
"Don't ever leave me again, please," she pleaded, realizing how emotional she was getting with each thrust. The fear inside was climbing over her walls, ready to ambush.
"Never," he vowed, kissing her with such desperation that he couldn't control himself any longer. It was like he was craving more of her.
Her hands held onto his hips, nails digging into his skin for support. Her legs were starting to give up, shaking from the intensity and ecstasy of their lovemaking.
Heeseung noticed her legs, moving his hand down to grip her thigh and hold it up slightly. He knew that he had to make adjustments to take it slower and not wear her out so quickly.
“Heeseung,” she breathed out, watching their bodies moving together with every single thrust. How he slid inside her and pulled away, completely disappearing inside her while hitting her hallowed spot. She threw her back, the image sending goosebumps all over.
He watched her body twitch and shiver, nails digging into his back. His breath was growing shaky, incapable of thinking about anything but being inside of her, enjoying the moment when the two of them were connected completely.
She looked at him through her droopy eyelids, toiling to look straight as he kept pushing himself deeper. Her mouth was drooling slightly, a light string of saliva tracing down her neck. This had to be what they meant by being fucked until your brain was empty.
"I love you," he moaned, his voice shaking and his breath increasing in speed. He could barely keep himself from falling in that moment; he was trying his best to keep a steady rhythm.
Her eyes rolled back, completely deteriorating in his thrusts. The deeper he fucked her, the more her insides quivered.
Heeseung pushed even deeper, his mouth open and his breaths coming out in small puffs of white air.
Her nails left long scratches on his back, losing control over herself.
"I'm here," he whispered against her neck. "I'm not going anywhere." Every word he said had a sense of urgency and determination to it. He was there, in her arms and he wasn't leaving her.
"I love you so much, Hee," she sobbed, hiding her face in the crook of his neck. Her moans occasionally slipped out due to his magical thrusts, becoming one with him.
"I love you too," he said quietly as he raised his other hand to her forehead and gently ran his fingers through her bangs. His hand came down to caress her cheek and he looked directly into her eyes. The passion he felt for her was overwhelming, and he couldn't think of anything at this moment but her and the wonderful moment they were sharing.
Heeseung moved his mouth back to her neck, kissing and nibbling softly. This feeling of belonging and unity between the two of them was just incredible.
His thrusts were longer but at the same time slower, his hand moving down her thigh and moving her legs down to his, he needed more grip for the both of their pleasure.
She bit her lips, eyes shutting at the phenomenal experience, throwing her head back and slightly arching. Her chest started hurting a bit, as their intercourse was getting a bit intense.
"Hey," he breathed, pulling himself out for a moment from your body. "Are you okay?"
It seemed that he caught on to the fact that she was beginning to feel some pain. He moved to the side and looked down at her, his face concerned.
"Sorry, it just," she pointed to the wound, exhaling loudly.
He realized that he made her discomforted. He couldn't stop himself from frowning, his face looking concerned.
"Don't apologize," he said, his voice a little low. "Just tell me what I can do to help relieve the pain, alright?"
"Maybe if we lay on our sides," she proposed, struggling to make herself turn
"That's a good idea," he helped her turn, leaning behind her and putting his arms around to help her stay in that position. His body eased into that position, laying his head behind her, arms holding her, and his chest touching her back.
"That's better," she smiled, breathing a bit easier now.
"I'm sorry for hurting you. I was enjoying the moment so much that I got a little carried away…"
"No, it's ok, I was enjoying it as much as you," she turned her head back a bit, grabbing his hands and putting it on her stomach.
Heeseung's body relaxed after her reassurance, leaning in more to wrap himself around her, the top half of his body covering her while the lower half pushed deeper into her.
She whimpered when he slid back in, squeezing his hands with a resonant sigh. This time, he was slower and more gentle, kissing from her nape all down her spine, leaving a lengthy trace of ardor. His mouth traced slowly down her back, turning his adoration into a sensational experience.
It was different this time because his concerns about her comfort were clambering. He never wanted to hurt her, only aiming to give her pleasure. Hence, he grabbed her leg, putting it over his so he had more space to enter deeper, to hit that spot that sent her through the roof.
As expected, she let out a deep gasp, the sound escaping from her almost involuntarily. Heeseung's tongue traced another slow line down her spine and back up again, savoring her taste.
He caressed her inner thigh, moving his hand back to her chest to play with her teats. His thumb and index grabbed them, twisting them around. He loved her appearance, but her breasts were the real treasure he never got enough of.
Words weren't able to describe how incredible this moment was, how their bodies connected and merged into one blossom of fervor.
His hands trailed up and down, drafting her marvelous curves. His touch felt light and gentle, yet there was still a sense of urgency and power behind it.
"You're so fucking beautiful, it's driving me crazy," he cursed, squeezing her breast.
"You're… you're so perfect," he spat out in between kisses, his body getting comfortable and used to this position. He bit down more forcefully on her neck, his kisses leaving more and more red marks.
"Hold me close, please," she whimpered, looking for his hands on her body.
"I got you," he said, body shifting to fully align with hers, arms gripping her from behind to tighten. He brought his face into her neck, his breathing speeding up with each kiss he gave her.
"Never let go," she sobbed, squeezing his hands with her trembling ones.
"Never, I promise," he pledged, holding her close to his chest.
She could feel his heart beating in time with hers, both sounding like they were about to explode.
"Never," she repeated, praying it was going to become true.
Heeseung kissed her deeply and passionately, pressing his body up against hers.
He was aware of her intonation, the worries raking in her head. Every kiss was stronger, more intense, and hotter than the last as he had to destroy all of them, one by one. His lips moved along her neck, tongue encircling on her neck, licking along it as he left no spot untouched.
She sat up, pushing him back on the bed. Heeseung's eyes widened, his reflexes quickly grabbing her wrists to prevent her from falling back.
She slightly groaned, lowering her head a little to catch her breath.
"Can you also sit up?" she proposed, wanting the two of you to make love while hugging each other.
He did as she asked, lifting himself a bit, leaning his back against the bed as he sat up with his legs spread. His hands held her back, one of his hands moving down to hold her leg as the other rested back on his. His mouth met hers, giving her a long kiss, not letting go of her in any way.
"I wanted to look at you," she voiced as she guided his shaft back inside her, scrunching her face.
"That's fine," he breathed out, his voice hoarse from being in her again, the constant switching driving his member to aggravate.
His eyes looked at her while her body trembled and twitched, his body feeling incredible. It was almost like being high, heavenly, and divine.
"I can feel your heart beating against mine," she smiled, her chest brushing against his, her perky nipples stimulating themselves.
Heeseung's heart beat faster every time she did that, her soft hands tenderly caressing his body, as if it would break in her delicate touch. She went over the muscles of his leg, his stomach, his chest, and eventually his arms. Her touch sent shivers down his spine and made him moan and sigh, realizing just how much she was driving him crazy.
"I missed you so much," she chuckled, masking the pain in her voice by cupping his cheeks.
"I missed you too," he breathed out, his lips locking with yours, making sure to kiss her deeply to show how much she meant to him.
Every kiss and bite seemed to drive a feeling of euphoria through his body, like every time he kissed her, a wave of happiness and satisfaction coursed through.
She closed her eyes when he caressed her back, circling it with a tender push. He made her feel so comfortable and safe, all with just one look, one touch, one kiss.
His kiss was the sweetest thing, his hands and lips exploring every inch of her. He wanted to feel all of her curves and touch every inch of her skin.
Her fingers wandered into his hair as the kiss deepened, huffing into his mouth while gently moving up and down, making both of them feel the most wonderful fractions inside.
He pulled her closer, their bodies wrapped around each other, unable to let go of one another. Their hands rested along each other's sides and their legs slightly entwined underneath.
Heeseung's tongue slid in and out of her mouth, exploring all of the areas he had already tasted before. He licked her upper lip after moving his hands down her hips.
He firmly gripped them, guiding her up and down his cock while he sucked on her neck, leaving trails of hickeys.
His breath warmed her icy skin and his lips kissed and nibbled along. Her body was starting to tremble and shake, his tongue returning to her lips. His kisses were extremely passionate, the ones where she forgot to breathe or think.
She pulled away, staring into his eyes through her lax gaze, mouth slightly agape, lips covered in their saliva. Her brain was empty, not thinking about anything but his presence and being inside her.
It felt like a deer caught in the headlights, clueless and innocent.
Heeseung smirked, watching her stare back but not knowing what to say. She appeared so pure it made him want to kiss her over and over again, fully swallow her in smooches and happiness.
He ran his fingers through her hair and pulled her face towards him again, this time gently kissing her neck.
Her wet lips brushed against his neck, quietly puffing and huffing. Her saliva was pooling on his shoulder since she rested her face on it, unintentionally drooling from the sensation.
Neither of them had any intention of stopping, wanting this moment to be eternal. When he saw how much she was enjoying herself, when he felt how aroused she was and how much he was giving her pleasure his lips curled into a satisfied smile.
His hands moved back from her cheeks to her hips again, squeezing her waist. His kisses still moved along her neck, his tongue occasionally nibbling at her collarbone and leaving it slightly red from the small love bites. 
She was drunk-dazed from his love and affection, from his kisses and touch, from his presence. One man was enough to wreck your entire world over and gather it up back, and that was Lee Heeseung. 
"I love you," he muttered. 
Nothing else was on his mind other than how gorgeous she looked, how incredible she felt, and how good it was to see every expression on her face from pleasure to satisfaction.
"Say it again," she murmured into his ear, wrapping her arms around his neck.
"You want me to.. say it again?" he asked, his voice a bit playful, yet his smile warm and genuine.
He moved his tongue to the side of her neck, running it from her ear to her collarbone, kissing it softly.
"I love you."
"Again," she smiled, closing her eyes from the exhaustion.
Heeseung chuckled, caressing her cheeks and running his fingers through her hair.
"Hmm, should I?" He teased, his voice mischievous.
"Should I say it again?" His breath and hand fondled her neck with marks.
"Mhm," she nodded, lazily dragging her lips on his neck.
"I love you..." he breathed out, moving his lips down until they reached hers.
"How many times do you want me to say it?"
"Until the day I die," she mumbled, eyelids shut and mouth still drooling, body completely relaxed and leaning against his.
"I love you," he repeated, giving you a light kiss.
"I love you." Another kiss
"I love you." Another one.
"I love you." The last one, slightly rougher than the rest. 
"How much, though?" her eyelids open a little, giving him a tired, but extremely seductive look, the one he lost himself in each time. 
"Hmm.. let me think," he chuckled, feeling the hotness mounting in himself from her look alone.
"If I could, I would take all of your pain away and replace it with the happiness you deserve. I would give you the whole world just to see you smile in my arms every day. I would give my life to make yours wonderful. I would sacrifice anything just so you can feel safe and loved. "
She whimpered at his words, eyes watering and insides rolling over. Her nails dug into his back again, hiding her flushed, red face in his shoulder.
"I would fight for you and protect you with my life, not allow anyone to hurt you ever again. I would fondle you in love and affection, from the moment you open your eyes till you close them," Heeseung breathed out, her scent intoxicating him.
"S-stop," she whinced in pleasure, eyes rolling back. The more he spoke, the closer she was to cumming, his words messing up her insides.
"You're my world, my life, my home, my reason to breathe every day. I want to take care of you and protect you, make you happy, and keep you warm every single time you feel cold or sad," his breathing shallowed as he spoke, feeling incredibly turned on by her reaction.
"E-enough," she pulled back, throwing her head back. He grabbed her wrists, not allowing her to escape his love.
"Never," he responded, pulling her back into his arms.
"I want to be with you all the time, I want to feel your body against mine, I want to make you feel loved, I want you to be mine and me to be yours until we die."
"S-shut u-up," she stuttered out, knowing she was minutes away from her orgasm.
"Why would I stop? " he asked, moving his thumb over her shoulder, circling and brushing her skin with the slight graze of a nail, leaving little marks on her skin.
He was also close to his climax, so he was more determined to finish the job than ever. His body tightened around her and his kissing became more profound and stronger.
"You need to hear the truth," he hissed in her ear, clasping her buttocks in his hands, pushing her onto his dick. 
"H-Heseung, I'm gonna-" she trembled, biting onto his shoulder to keep her loud moans in.
"Don't hold it in," his mouth ran along her shoulder and her arm, the marks getting darker with every kiss.
"Cum with me, please," she pleaded urgently as if her life mattered to it. 
"I will, don't worry," he kissed her cheek, caressing her head. 
Without another minute, her nails dug deeper, her pussy trapping his shaft in her fully. Her walls spasmed in a periodic pattern, sucking him in. Her clear cum glistened his shaft, wrapping him in its warmth and comfort. 
"Good girl," he whispered, his jaw twitching slightly. He wrapped both of his arms tighter and pulled her into a messy kiss.
His release followed up right after, managing to pull out just in time to cover her abdomen in his crystal white load. He panted as his fingers traced his cum on her stomach, spreading it all across her. 
His other hand gently laid her down, licking all of his mess off of her, the same way he did with her own. 
Perhaps it was the overstimulation he loved to observe on her or the fact that she clung to him more after cumming. Either way, he didn't stop rolling his wet tongue along her body. 
"My good girl," Heeseung whispered into her slick hole, pushing his tongue inside to slurp up all of her cum like it was a treat. 
Did he love her? Yes.
However, was he a bit of a sadist? Yes.
A low moan escaped his lips as he felt his mouth filled with her cum, his free hand gripping hers tightly. 
"H-hee."
He lifted his stare, landing on her adorable one, beseeching him to hug her. 
"You look so cute when you’re all tired like this, Y/N," he smirked, a faint peck landing on her cheek. His hand intertwined with her, the other playing with her hair. 
Sometimes, the amount of love he harvested for her managed to surprise him, finding himself falling apart in her touch and gaze. 
"H-hee," she whispered, closing her eyes. She tried to fight her exhaustion, but it was starting to get to her.
He saw how drowsy she looked, so he pulled her tighter to his body. 
"Go to sleep. I'll be right here when you wake up," he kissed her, his voice very relaxed and comforting.
"You promise?" she murmured, half asleep on his chest. 
"I promise," he assured, kissing her forehead and tucking her against him, pressing her body against his.
His hands stayed on her side, keeping her safely in his warm embrace.
"Until the day I die."
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Taglist: @end-hyphen, @hee-pster, @jakeswifeyy, @gegeetime, @heerated, @jayked, @forjongseong, @enhastolemyheart
𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧! ^^
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sexydoffyman · 4 months
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day 30 - CAPTURE AFTER CHASE
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Phillip Graves
navigation
genre: smut
mdni
A lil TW: there's a bit of Stockholm syndrome.
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You weren't really an enemy of his. You didn't work under any organisation or army. But you did certainly mess things up for him. When he saw what you did, he understood that his downfall was not your goal. Your little attack didn't even look like a threat.
Really, he was wondering what it was about for a while. One revolver and a sniper rifle missing. One man dead. Three injured. 30k missing. Something that he doesn't want to overlook but is not that big of a deal due to the size of Shadow Company.
He first thought that there was a spy amongst his men who was gathering some stuff to attack. What bugged him about the whole situation was that two weeks' worth of food had also gone missing.
He figured that the person who did this must have been only gathering supplies needed for survival. The harmed soldiers just got in the person's way. After this little incident he started noticing you more and more often.
He always figured it was you. You left black burn-like marks on the ground, and everyone was killed in a similar way. Graves didn't make connections between these two cases at first because he expected you to kill mostly with your sniper. After looking a little more into it tho. He realised that you always used your teeth or a knife and then finished the person off with a revolver. The same way you killed one of his men.
He was intrigued by you.
He got lucky when he spotted you after running into a freshly killed man. You were about 60 meters away already. Fortunately for him, you were heading into a forest near the spot where your killing took place. He knew that forest, so he ran around you to not make you aware of his presence.
Once in the forest, you felt someone was watching you. In your years of experience, you learned to trust your instincts. And that's exactly what you did. You tried to hide behind a wide tree. You were looking all over the place while not making a sound.
Suddenly, you heard his footsteps. You made a run for it. Bushes scratching the skin of your forearms, air drying up your eyes. You ran for your life. You heard him getting closer as you frantically thought of a way to get away from him.
Unfortunately, you didn't think fast enough.
He jumped at you, pinning you below him. "Asshole", he laughs, putting a gun to your head. "You stole 30k from me." He says almost threateningly. "What about the poor man I killed?" You questioned his morals. "He is replaceable." He said with a little guilt in his eyes. You thought about it he wasn't completely heartless. Maybe you'd be able to get out of this forest alive.
"You gonna shoot that thing?" You provoked him. "You want me to?" "You're talking like you want something." He chuckled, looking over your form. "You took a body from me. It'd be only fair if you'd give me one." He paused and then added. "Just for a couple of minutes."
"Exchanging lives for sex?" You were back to questioning his morals. "You want to live?" He said it in a teasing voice. "Sounds like we have a deal." You chuckled yourself at the situation you ended up in.
He tore your pants off of you while pulling his dick out. He held the gun to your head and kept pushing your body to the ground while thrusting into you. He was fucking deprived. You shoved no signs of resist.
He liked that. You took whatever he threw at you. I assure you he'd never go easy on you after what you pulled. He just fucked the shit out of you. He caught himself thinking about how adorable you looked. Tears in your eyes, your face pushed against the wet dirt and bark of the dark forest.
He wasn't planning on being nice with you. You looked so fucking dumb. His dick stretching you as he finished inside of you.
Be more aware of your surroundings and make sure no one is watching you when you leave the scene. He gave you a fucking advice when he left. Cocky asshole.
Strangely, he started noticing a certain sniper covering for him on his missions. How adorable.
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infinityinakiss · 10 months
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avatrice au fic recommendations:
i don't think there is a single avatrice au fic that i haven't read so here are some my favorites. i tried to find ones that weren't as popular, so hopefully there are couple here you haven't read.
I want to believe by puppybusby @yashastrongarms - x files au - basically 23k of avatrice flirting while being incredibly reckless with alien shit. unfortunately, it is only a one shot that doesn't delve into their relationship, but it is so worth it. and the tension. woof.
Truly a Steadfast Love by StoicLastStand - medieval au - they have a whole series of ficlets, but this is one of my favorites. there's a tournament to win ava's hand in marriage, ava goes undercover to fight for her freedom, but she ends up falling for the very knight who everybody wants to win. i also love their lucifer au, Greater Sacrifices.
a lover, or something of mine by Smokestarrules - reincarnation au - each chapter is a different life with a different story, and i promise you, if you have anything that even resembles a heart, you will cry. i keep going back and rereading chapter 4 because apparently i love to hurt myself. i also love the world is just illusion (trying to change you) by them, it's a road trip au.
i should love you (and i swear i do) by Noteveryonefitsintothebadbitchgenre - harry potter au (fuck jk rowling) - its that trope where they're married and they talk about each other constantly but nobody actually knows they're married. their students all think that professor silva and professor young have a friendly rivalry, but there are a couple of moments that don't add up.
purple by sxftmelody - hitman au - technically, but really it's just sad, i always cry at the end. beatrice helps ava run away after a job, and slowly they open themselves up and start to fall in love. tw: major character death. also love turning page by the same author, mercenary/princess au.
in our corner of the world by definitelynotthere - roommate au - i know, i know, there's a thousand roommate aus, why would i recommend a fic that isn't even finished and will probably never get finished? i don't know, i just really love this one, and if you're like me, you'll go "ooh, two cakes" and read it anyway.
The last hero of Ogygia by jessnope - percy jackson au - specifically calypso au, ava is calypso and beatrice is the flirty hunter that washed up on her shore. it's super cute.
stay there, 'cause i'll be coming over (while our blood's still young) by britishngay - spiderman au - ava's character voice is actually designed to be spiderman, and bea is the perfect doctor lady that patches spidey up when she gets hurt. plus beatrice telling lilith to "shut up and sit down" will never not be iconic.
sunday people (sunday shines for you) by gilligankane @piratekane - another roommates au - jealous ava is back again and out for blood, specifically jenn-with-two-ns blood.
this is my prayer (I'm in love with you) by nyxtyka - my best friend's wedding/spies au - i'll be honest, this fic went to my marked for laters to die. i don't know if it'll ever be finished, but it is one of my favorite aus, i promise it'll be worth the pain.
spellbound by onomofication - witch au - beatrice is the witch in the woods that ava goes to to finally find a way to explore the world like she has always wanted to. but as she gets to know the surprisingly kind, serious, kinda-sorta witch, she discovers that maybe the world was smaller than she had once imagined. i also love another fic by this author, hit me with you best shot, which is basically a cupid au, where ava runs around trying to stop jc, a cupid, from shooting the love of her life, beatrice.
the celestial glow is blinding by understreetlights - firewatch au - did i think ava and beatrice sitting around, looking at trees, and falling love with each other through walkie talkies was going to be interesting? no, but the world loves to prove me wrong.
too cold, it's withdrawal by KatieQgle - captain america au - give this one a chance, even if you don't like marvel. beatrice is hot as fuck as bucky and honestly the winter soldier plot line needed a little sapphic yearning. come on, avatrice in the army in the 1940s, being badass and fighting nazis together? who wouldn't love that?
i have a ton more, reach out if you want them!
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darklyndivinely · 5 months
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Feel This Ache
tw: suicidal thoughts, mentions of murder and wanting to murder, based on lesson 16. Gn!reader.
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Everything has returned to normal. The family is complete now. Belphegor's back and the smile on the brothers' lips is that much brighter.
Your eyes fly open at the crack of dawn, hands always shooting up to cup your throat, muscles quivering from nightmares and adrenaline.
Afraid, always afraid.
Breath comes with difficulty.
In the mornings, you stare into the mirror at your neck and forget time. Minutes pass and pass. Yet you stand, terrified of moving, a tangled scream behind your closed lips that always wants to be freed.
"How does it feel...?"
His voice echoes when you lie in your bed, when you eat, when you shower, and especially when you breathe. The tree in your room that had always fascinated you so much now terrifies you. In the dark, shadows seem to bleed into the gaps between the leaves and carve a face in the night. It overlaps with that horrifying memory in your mind, and you think that it might be his, watching, plotting another way to kill you, about to step forward and strangle you to death again. You won't survive the second time, you know it.
Did you survive the first time though? you wonder, sitting on your bed with all the lights on, clutching your blankets in white-knuckled grips. Because it doesn't seem like it...
You hadn't, not really. The person in the mirror doesn't seem like you anymore. There's so much fear permeating those eyes now. And so much anger.
Everything had returned to normal. You had died. He had wrapped your throat in a fist and squeezed the life out of you and everything had returned to normal. They had seen you and heard you take your last breath and held your broken bloody body.
It felt like your heart was caged in metal wires, struggling to just beat, to just keep you alive. There were phantom claws tearing your lungs apart. His laughter perpetually ringing in your ears, becoming synonymous with silence.
You wanted to die.
And nobody cared.
They felt awkward around their own brother. They wanted you to mediate between them. They wanted you to help.
You'd thought you'd found a family here. Six people who actually cared about you. People you'd cared about, so much. You'd felt comfortable with them. You'd felt loved. And they'd showed you their true colours. You were nothing but a pawn, a mediator, a nobody who had sacrificed their life for them. For their petty squabbles and millennia old hatred. You were nothing.
You wanted to wrap your fists around their throats and steal their lives from their bodies just to show them how it feels.
How it feels to be betrayed by people you had trusted.
How it feels to be betrayed by people you had loved.
How it feels to die.
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roseapov · 7 days
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3 Nights of the 1st January
Contains spoilers to the Book 7 TWST Tw: War, injury, blood, poison, death Angst (I hope to make you cry)2k+ words Masterlist / 2024 BDAY Masterlist Lilia's 2024 Birthday Special
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The cold night air whistled in his pointy ears, as a man run through the woods after being spotted by his enemies. The fae tasked with spying on the Silver Owl's, failed his mission due to an injury sustained earlier, and now he paid the price of ignoring it, by being chased by humans in the iron armors.
'Ugh! Shit..!' Were the words the running figure had spoken, when more of his injuries opened up during the frantic run. In his current state, he wouldn't stand a chance in the fight against them all, but as he was the General, and a very stubborn General in fact, no one had the right to stop him.
The shouts of the human soldiers echoed through the forest, making the male stumble a little, the situations had been really bad. Now that they had spotted him, they will change their camp location, something he couldn't afford to let them do. It was a perfect opportunity to listen in on the enemy and sabotage their plans, but he fucked it up.
He cursed himself in his thoughts, forcing himself to run faster. His beautiful long black hair with red streaks flowed in the wind, moving franctically during the sharp turns and unexpected movementstogether with their owner. The moon shining down on his mask and form, making him look ethereal and glowy, beffiting a nocturnal fae such as himself, wasn't helping his situation at all.
As he made another sharp turn, thinking he lost the ones chasing him, he leaned on to a tree trunk, breathing heavily immiediately looking back only to let out a scream of pain. While he was distracted with looking for everyone, one of the iron archers shoot him in his right calf with an arrow, that he was sure was poisoned.
Lilia cursed outloud, turning towards the shooter and beheading him with one smooth motion of his weapon, sucking his breath in painfully, with the arrow still in his flesh.
Instead of leaning on a tree again, he chose to climb one instead, to not repeat his mistakes, and send a few of his bats to call one of his subornites, namely Baul Zigvolt, to avoid making from the situation more of a big deal than it already is, and getting away quietly, undetected.
Sitting on a big branch of an old oak, he caught the arrow close to the arrowhead and pulled it out in one fast montion, biting his other hand and screaming in his head, while the enemy soldiers were running underneath the branch he sitted on.
'This damned poison' He thought as he started feeling faint, holding himself onto the bleeding place, directing his eyes to the stars and looking at them emptily through the mask.
The wind suddenly started to blow, making a gentle breeze that started moving his hair a little, as he taken off his mask and hood, enjoying it dearly. At least, as much as a man in a chase can enojoy things like this, with little tear droplets wetting his eyelashes.
He went through the most chellenging and hard situations in life, and ended up as a War General. His life always has been a complicated mess.
He was a worthless orphan, not someone worthy of stading beside the Crowned Princess, not someone worthy of being a General. How old is he? When was he born, and if he knew, would he celebrate? Probably no. Who were his parents? Did they abandoned him? Or did something happened to them instead?
These were the thoughts that started to invade his head, as his armor started to weigh on him. His arms started getting weaker and weaker, his eyes, that were staring emptily at the sky, started to feel unbearable heavy, and he slowly too, started to lose conciousnes. The only thing he managed to hear was a worried scream of his name.. Looks like the rescue has finally came...
And that's how, the night of the 1st January passed for Lilia Vanrouge, the same as many future ones to come...
( * Hundreds of years later * )
'Happy Birthday Lilia!' - Voices of people flooded his senses when he entered the Diasomnia lounge, one of the dorms in the college he studied in.
'Huh? It's my birthday today..? I forgot' Thought the short fae, he completely forgot, but nevertheless welcomed this nice surprise, he was even impressed, that his children had managed to organise all of this without raising his suspicions.
'It's my birthday today? I forgot, and you haven't even reminded me? '- He said as looked at his familiars and then chuckled happily - 'I raised you good, you managed to surprise me!'
His chuckles turned into a full out laugh, he was really happy. For many reasons, Malleus - had hatched and he is able to be with him, Silver - his son with a way shorther lifespan than his - is alive, Sebek - his students is still full of energy and determination to better himself, still being very liable to fall for his jokes.
'What a great gift I received to be able to spend this year with you three', Lilia thought to himself, with melancholy in his eyes. A second after that, the male has put on his big smile once again, and started teasing people he considered his family with a joyous laughter and stars in his eyes.
Everyone in the Diasomnia played board games and he managed to tell lots of stories from his youth, later on as the man of the hour he got a banned from the kitchen because as Malleus said, he shouldn't lift a finger with his senile age, and saving everyone from eating deathly dishes, although the last part was not mentioned out loud.
Soon after that, his friends from other dorms joined in the partying and burried him under a huge pile of presents, especially Kalim. Lilia only smiled and laughed at that, he would surely have lots of fun opening them all later, he really couldn't wait.
A cake, cookies of all sorts, a tomato juice and other kinds of snacks got placed on the table with Malleus's magic as he also redistributed one glass of the juice to every guest, while Silver and Sebek had decorated the whole Diasomnia, and not just the venue, in a birthday party style.
The atmosphere had been delightful and full of laughter, up till late hours of the night. Of course, Lilia wouldn't be himself if he hadn't played a few jokes at the guests and his birthday interviewer, making everyone laugh at them, giving him a free hand in doing whatever he liked.
When the hour got closer to midnight, the rest of theremaining guests had come back to their own dorms, wishing their well wishes to the fae again. The lounge quickly became empty, with only 4 people being left in it, including himself.
Can I ask for one last thing? - Lilia's deep voice cut through the comfortable silence, shocking the boys, who thought he wouldn't speak at all. But even after the shock, their response was immediate and affiramtive, just as he expected.
At that the short male turned to look at his closed ones faces, and with a serene smile asked for a dance. His bats with the help of his magic started playing the instruments in the rhythm of a song all of them knew perfectly well, a classic Briar Valley lullababy.
The four of them quickly took off to dance, and just after the first few verses, changing their dancing partner so that everyone could dance with eachother, and then again, and again.
Dancing up until midnight and way longer into the night, with only themselves and Lilia's bats as witnesses to their antics, and serene moment, filled with true love they had for eachother in the air. 
This was a delightful January 1st, one that he'll be sure to treasure for as long as he can remember.
( * Several years later * )
In the old hut in the woods, a man sat in his rocking chairoutside on the porch, an Ex-War General and the caretaker of the Fae King, Malleus Draconia. The fae who even after the demanded respect for him by their new King, others still were treating like an outcast and so, he didn't protest, living in the forest, just like an outcast, they said he were.
Was it wrong that he never fought for more time spend being closer with his family..? He shouldn't think like that, he got to spend plenty of time with his boys already, no? He shouldn't be too greedy about their presence and time, they all had their own lives outside of him.
All of the them being able to be together at the NRC, was the biggest gift and fortune, he could've ever imagined, making beautiful memories. Just like his birthday several years ago, when he and his boys danced together until the late night. Can he complain at such beautiful memories? Does he have the right to ever ask them to spend more time with him? To not only think about the memories, but to make new ones?
He won't know, not anymore. There's too little time left, feeling his soul trying to leave his body, he still tries to fight back, 'stars please, give me more time'. He won't give up, not until he'll be able to see them, one more time, just a glimpse is enough.
Even after living so far off from the capital, he still can see the glipses of colored lights looming above the tree crowns, and faintly hear their bangs. He sighed and smiled to himself, looking up into the sky, but that smile haven't lasted long, dimnishing a second later with a pain in his right calf.
What should he say to everyone? That he feels like death is just around the corner? Should he even say anything and destroy their moods with panic? Should he ruin Malleus's first new year celebration as a King? No, no he shouldn't... He don't want to ruin their fun...
Soon after his heavy thoughts, the only joys left in his life, came to see him and sat next to him quietly, not disrupting his rest and looking up at the same scenery, just as he did a while before. 
When he opened his mouth to say his final goodbyes, no sound left him and thus he knew, his time has come. He looked up at the stars one last time, with a last thought 'Please take care of them for me', to who? He's not sure...
'Happy Birthday', one whispered.. or said..? Lilia's not sure anymore, as his eyes had started coming to a close, he felt really happy that he could spend his last moments together with his family, when all of them had been happy around him, without any worries at all...
After his soul departed from his body for good, he took one last look at his now-dead body, and saw a truly heartbreaking scene. Malleus, Silver and Sebek panicking. With his body in Sebek's arms who was crying the whole river out, Silver screaming and also crying, trying to somehow wake him up, Malleus looking shocked, panicked even, trying every known to him spell, but noone seemed to be working.
In the corner he barely saw Baul, his comrade in the war-times, running frantically towards the source of the panic, not wanting to believe in what he thought was happening. So Baul it is, huh? 'Please, protect them well then' his thoughts begged the man before him, the one that couldn't hear or see him anymore.
Lilia's soul finally let out lots of terrible cries and screams at their reactions, breaking down, after holding it in when he was alive, all emotions returning to surface. He didn't wanted to leave them, he truly didn't! If he could, he would.. he would.. Do anything to spend more time with them together..! He never wanted to leave...
And then, he saw their faces. Meleanor and Levan waiting for him togehter with open arms and tears in their own eyes.. His pupils dilated, breath quickened and he threw himself into a run, jumping into their arms, sobbing and crying with all his might, being afraid to let go, not being able to let go, with his voice breaking down several times.
The three of them then dissapeared together high into the stars, without looking back, waiting for others to join them later in the future.
And thus, at the night of the 1st January, Lilia Vanrouge, joined the stars, reunited with his dear companions, and started looking after the young ones from above, hoping that Baul will be able to do what he wasn't able to. Be with his loved ones for just a bit longer, being able to protect them.
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I hope I made you cry, or at least made you have tears in your eyes/being sad. (If I did, pls tell me, I wanna know if I did a good job), Have a good day with Lilia in the stars!
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gay-jewish-bucky · 9 months
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just saying you can't accuse something of being "about us, without us" when the victims' families were literally the ones pushing for this outcome
that was us, just because we have different opinions than them on what justice is, doesn't mean it was the sole choice of non-jews and you'd know that if you actually followed this instead of posting your hot-take based off the title of an article that popped up on your phone
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locobastaaa · 10 months
Text
The fine line between what's real and what's not
Tighnari x Reader
Tw: suggestive at the end, Wanderer (Sora) slander (we love him), hybrid bunny! Reader
Word count: 1.4k
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Your gaze felt heavy on him once he noticed, and you didn't take your eyes off him while he moved around in a frantic hurry. He didn't need to be so nervous under your stare, and he tried to seem unbothered by it, but his tail betrayed him, swaying around behind his back in rapid strokes. 
You chuckled at the sight, moving your palm to accommodate the curve of your cheek as you rested your head on the table, notes and ink splattered on the fair wood, your eyes following the dark spots, reminding you of the work undone. 
You sighed quietly, but your eyes found his figure again, following the droplets of rain curling at the ends of his hair and down the floor. He thought that maybe you'd taken Nahida's words too seriously, but shook his head. You were smarter than that, there was no way you believed that mushrooms would start growing on his head by some little rain that caught up to him when he finished up his daily routine of forest-watching. 
His ears flattened at the top of his head when he remembered the condition of the forest. The complaints of the citizens and wanderers about the increase of mechanical animals were getting irritating, even though he assured that none of the creatures were nearby the path that most (he wanted to say everyone but there were some that shook the recommendations of the forest guide off like it was a challenge to stay on the road, trying to make themselves brave by putting them and everyone around in danger just to prove guts) followed, the letters kept appearing on the mailbox, he even had to accompany some people down the path to see if he was missing something, if he saw what other people claimed he wasn't seeing (which he doubted, but better be safe than sorry), but as soon as they pointed out what seemed to be one of the monsters, forcing him to take out his bow, Tighnari had to restrain himself from shooting them on the head when he realized that the 'mechanical crab' was a deformed tree. 
"Tighnari?" Your voice took him out of his head, realizing his jaw was clenched and his nails had poked holes through his gloves. 
He spared you a glance just as quickly as he averted his gaze, falling down to the door in front of him to hide his flushing cheeks. 
Why were you this cute? He still didn't seem to find the answer, and he didn't find the answer as to how his name on your tongue felt electrifying either, but he'll eventually figure it out (or flat out admit it, since he already knew, Cyno's words, not his). 
"Yeah? Having trouble answering letters?" He spoke too softly for his taste, but you made no comment about it, spinning back to your desk as your hand picked up the abandoned pen from the desk. 
You shook your head, and even if he didn't see you, he heard your movements, he heard everything after all. This time the affirmation are his words, he grows tired of comments assuming his thoughts from his friends, specially if it involves his love life. 
Collei seemed to be on Cyno's side as well, even though she hadn't experienced any romance related situations (he and Cyno made sure of it, she's too young), she implored him to just confess his supposed feelings towards you. 
Unlike Cyno, he shook her off gently and said that there was no time for that sort of intimacy in his life, and that she should focus more on her studies rather than a fantasy of her own. 
Yet here he was, contradicting his own words, living in between reality and fantasy as he drew holes on the back of your head while you wrote, your long ears flapping with each stroke of the pen against paper, he wondered if your ears were as soft as they looked, or if his were softer (most likely not the case even though he took good care of them, they would never shine like yours, yet again, it's a different type of fur so who knows (he knows)). 
"Bunn- (Y/n)" the nickname that Cyno gave you (and that brought an unshakable ick on his chest) almost slipped up, but he caught himself just in time. "When you finish your papers let me know, I'll be in my office". 
He grabbed a few samples from a cabinet and began to walk away, but you wouldn't let him leave after his slip up. 
"You can call me Bunny, you know" 
His lips morphed into a line. 
"It's a thing between you and Cyno right? I wouldn't want to intervene" 
You cocked your head to the side in confusion, a thing between you and Cyno? 
"You know Sora gave me that nickname, right?" 
His eyes narrowed at that. That's even worse! 
"Never knew you and that man were so close". 
Your frown deepened, Tighnari seemed to have a particular hostility towards Wanderer. Sure, he was a bit rough around the edges, but you knew the hybrid had dealt with worse and always kept his cool...Paimon for example-. So it seemed out of the ordinary for him to be so shaken up by a boy who he hadn't had the chance to talk to properly. 
"What's up with you and Sora? He's not that bad when you get to know him" 
His ears flattened at the top of his head again. 
"I don't want to get to know him, I think I've been around him enough to know he's bad news" 
You stood up from your seat and circled around his body like a hyena, trying to catch his eyes. Tighnari gritted his teeth at the thought of you trying to defend that man so uptight. 
When you didn't speak any further, he felt the need to rant as his gaze locked with yours. 
"I don't know why but-," a tingling feeling coursed through his back, as if electricity was running down his veins. "He's crude and vulgar, and he looks at you like you're a piece of meat, talk about a walking contradiction".  His nails sharpened when he pictured how Wanderer basically undressed you with his eyes, it disgusted him. 
You took some sort of offense by this. "He does not look at me like that," his glare stopped your tracks for some seconds before your eyebrows furrowed. "You talk as if you're jealous". 
He did not even imply something like that, you knew that, but testing his waters was something you didn't have the chance to do so frequently, specially since he seemed to have a never ending patience towards you. It was a bit cruel, but- 
"I am". 
Well, that, you didn't expect. 
It felt like all of the denying and hiding was slipping through the cracks of his pride, trying to hold down the water before the dam collapses and he ends up confessing. But he can't stop the flow of it, it's too much, the water had grown out of proportion through the years of silent pining, denying and glances. He especially can't now, your face is so pretty when it flushes red, and he also can't help his body moving before his mind can. 
Your lips are soft against him, and he almost groans like an animal when your fingers close around his forearms tightly, pawing at the fabric of his hoodie. He's waited years to feel you against him, and he pushes the thought aside that a small discussion of a hat guy could have ended up like this. 
Your back is now pressed against the wall and you can't breathe, not because you were out of air, but everything was so sudden that it made your knees tremble and your lungs contract. 
You fought to close your eyes, you had to see it to believe it after all, but his hands felt heavy on your hips, and his body pressed so deliciously against yours that if you couldn't see it, you could at least feel it. Feel him. Feel his tail wrapping around your lower back as he pushes you flush against the wall and his chest. Feel his palms lowering to your thighs as he pulls you up in the air and around his waist, feel his tongue flatten against yours and his fangs brush your lips. 
The line between reality and fantasy began to blur yet again, his hold tightening on your thighs as his ears brushed yours. You were pliant as giddy under his claws, and it made his body temperature rise. 
Maybe telling Collei to stop gushing over some silly fantasy ended up in the  materializing of said spectrum in the real world, because damn if this was a dream he never wanted to wake up.
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whore-era · 1 year
Text
a/n: 'reader experiencing ptsd symptoms and not knowing what they are or what they're going through until ellie finds them mid panic after something triggers them. soft and comforting ellie my beloved <;3' this drabble is for this anon. this anon also put in my inbox a lil bit more detail of this request — including their own ptsd episode they experienced, which i didn't feel comfortable posting to the public for ppl to see. so this one is dedicated u to anon! & anyone else who is experiencing something similar, i hope this drabble gives u a lil bit of comfort <3
ellie x fem!reader: comforting you during a PTSD episode
tw: ptsd, ptsd-related symptoms, mentions of violence (guns/gunshots)
ringing.
all you could hear was ringing in your ears. then, you froze.
you completely forgot where you were, what you were doing, who you were with — until you heard it. the gunshot.
one, singular gunshot brought back a memory you tried your hardest to forget, the memory of the night you tried to run from scars — the seraphites.
you usually never went with ellie on patrol, for this very reason. the sounds of guns petrified you, and it wasn't something you were ready to explain to your girlfriend just yet.
but jesse and ellie were going out, and you wanted so badly to look for pumpkin seeds, which were hard to come by in jackson. so, you thought you'd tag along with them, thinking you'd be okay knowing they usually dealt with the infected with knives anyways.
somehow, jesse's knife got lost, and he had to use his shotgun to take down two of the infected.
the ringing in your ears never stopped and you were glued to the ground, your breathing slowing down.
"babe! babe!" a hand waved in your face, and you were snapped out of your lost thought. jesse and ellie were in front of you, their brows furrowed in worry.
"you're trembling, baby," ellie holds onto your arms, "are you okay?"
nothing came out. your mouth unable to speak.
"i think we should cut patrol short. get her back into town." jesse murmurs to ellie. ellie nods, putting an arm around you and leading you to shimmer, helping you get on.
ellie gets on behind you, wrapping her arms around you as she holds onto shimmer's leads.
she couldn't help but notice the way you quivered the entire ride back to town, or how clammy your skin became.
it wasn't long 'til you all made it back. you could hear the bustling and voices chatting, wondering why the patrol ended so early or why you looked like you'd just seen a ghost. jesse was generous enough to explain things to others, coming up with something quick and believable to get them off your back.
ellie helped you off the horse, letting one of the stable-boys take shimmer. her arms were wrapped tightly around you as she walked with you the whole way back home, kissing your hair and murmuring sweet nothings in your ear.
"i'm here, sweet girl. i'm not goin' anywhere," she whispers, "you're okay. i got you."
her words couldn't register in your mind, as you were too distracted by the memories that would play on and off in your brain. it was like you were back there all over again, fearing for your life.
ellie unlocked the front door of the house, gently pushing you inside with her hand on the small of your back. leading you towards your shared bedroom, she sits you on the bed.
everything else went by like a blur. all you could remember was ellie helping you take your clothes off, putting you in a sleep shirt, and helping you sip a little bit of water — then everything faded to darkness.
you were running. running away from the hooded beings — the scars. you could hear them yelling. you heard their feet following behind you. you hid behind a tree and crouched down, clamping a hand over your mouth to muffle your heavy breathing. one of the seraphites come out from the side, pointing a gun at you and putting their finger on the tri—
"no! no! no!" you shoot up, waking up from your sleep, covered in sweat and shaking in fear with tears streaming down your face.
a hand touches your shoulder, startling you, "please! let me go! let me go! i don't want to di-"
ellie grabs your face, forcing you to look at her. "baby! look at me! it's just me," she brings you back down to earth. "i'm here. no one else. just me and you."
you focus on everything around you. ellie's face. her green eyes. her freckles. the darkness outside the windows. the clock reading 4:37AM. the duvet sprawled out on the bed. the polaroids of you and ellie scattered on the wall.
you were in jackson. in your home. with ellie. no one else.
you burst into tears, sobbing into ellie's neck. you were terrified. you thought you were back there, and that you never escaped. it felt so real to you. everything came back so clearly.
"it's okay, baby. i'm here." she coos, "you're safe."
you're safe. you were safe. you weren't there anymore. you were here. with ellie. and ellie was going to do everything in her power to make sure you were okay.
"i-i.." you stutter, "i thought i-i was b-being h-hunted, t-that they f-found—" a tear rolls down your cheek, "—i-i thought they found me."
"you don't have to-" you interrupt ellie.
"no," you sniffle, "i have to get it off my chest. i'm safe now." she nods, allowing you to continue.
"i was just out patrolling one day, for the small group i was with. we needed food. and then i found them, the scars. i saw them just— doing these horrible things to people," you whisper, "and the next thing i knew, they saw me. they chased me and were hunting me down. luckily, i got away. but i could never forget about the way the bullets almost got me." a few tears cascaded down your face, ellie taking the liberty of wiping them away.
"i am so, so sorry, baby." ellie's heart squeezed in her chest, wishing she could've protected you then, knowing she'd fucking kill every last person who touched even lay a finger on your hair. her hand went to cup your face, wiping away the tears with her thumb as you nuzzled into her hand.
"i wish i can make you forget— forget that you ever went through that, even if it meant i'd have to remember it instead," ellie murmured, "but i can't."
ellie brings you closer to her, "all i can do right now is protect you. i promise i will make sure you're safe. put it on my life."
she leans in, her forehead resting against yours, "you'll never have to be scared again, i promise you that, sweet girl." her lips press onto yours, before pulling away again.
you nod, for the first time in awhile, trusting that you'll be okay, knowing that ellie is with you and that you'll never have to be alone.
"okay, els," you hum, "but i don't think i can go back to sleep again. i'm just scared i'm gonna have another nightmare and i don't think i can ha-" she cuts you off.
"okay, pretty girl. we'll stay up 'til the sun comes up and i'll tell jesse that you and i are gonna stay in tomorrow, yeah?" ellie kisses your forehead, "i'm not gonna leave you alone. i'll be here with you. i promise."
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newbie-whovian · 4 months
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So sorry for this ask, but could you please do one for the Eleventh Doctor where the reader is on the autism spectrum and also has depression, and the Doctor discovers that the reader is really beginning to feel like she doesn’t belong on the TARDIS? The Doctor ends up confessing his love for her after the reader confesses that she doesn’t want to live anymore? Sorry if this doesn’t sound like something you’d like to write.
(so sorry for the wait! I'll be posting more consistently, I promise)
Stormclouds
Pairing: 11th Doctor x GN!Reader
Rating: T
Tags/TW: hurt/comfort, reader struggles with suicidal thoughts
You'd learned a long time ago that happiness was an exceedingly fickle thing.
Life had a habit, one that you'd noticed for years. It would tease you with something brilliant, something beautiful, and after long enough, when the clouds had finally parted, everything would fall apart. The thing that looked so beautiful from far away would suddenly feel far-fetched and even laughable, and the clouds would close in again.
:readmore:
When you met the Doctor, a voice from the back of your mind told you that you shouldn't accept his offer, that the universe would be treacherous and you would be better off on Earth. But the Doctor opened the TARDIS doors, and for a moment, everything was bright.
You travelled through space and time and it was everything you could have hoped for and more, until a trip went wrong.
The TARDIS materialized in the middle of a space battle, a massive dogfight with what had to be a thousand spaceships shooting at each other. The roar of the engines and the shriek of the blaster fire left you covering your ears and huddled in a chair, while the Doctor rushed around the console.
In an instant, he'd taken the TARDIS into the bridge of the command ship and rushed to the doors, sonic in hand. You followed him out of instinct, nearly falling to the floor as blaster fire rocked the ship. He began tearing apart a control panel, shoving piles of shredded wires into your arms.
In a few tense minutes, he'd disabled the command ship, sending out a signal (somehow) that deactivated the rest of the opposing fleet. You retreated inside the TARDIS as he (somehow) sorted out the rest, and the voice in the back of your mind returned, whispering that it'd been right all along.
There were trips after that, but those first few months of peace and calm had been a fluke, because for every one trip that turned out exactly as planned, there were at least five more trips that ended in disaster. You wondered if it was always like this, travelling with the Doctor, and you had to insist to yourself that it wasn't. But there was a feeling, creeping in and corroding each day - the feeling that everything was wrong and there was nothing you could do.
The universe was full of problems you couldn't solve, along with problems no one could solve, not even the Doctor. You were only one person, one human being, how could you do anything worthwhile? The feeling drowned out everything else.
The Doctor told you today that he had a wonderful trip planned, that the TARDIS was on its way to the largest forest in the universe, with trees hundreds of times taller than skyscrapers and bioluminescent birds.
You couldn't help but think that something would go wrong. When you were proved wrong and the TARDIS landed safely on a branch the size of a bridge, the feeling remained. Your mind was flooded with images of giant bloodthirsty hawks and venomous bugs, and you lamented that you couldn't even enjoy what the Doctor was trying to show you.
He tugged on his jacket and offered you a smile, gesturing to the doors. You returned his smile but it didn't quite reach your eyes. The two of you left the TARDIS to admire the forest, and if he'd noticed you were acting strangely, he didn't say anything. Deep down, you thanked him for it.
He began walking down the massive length of the branch, pointing out each bird he could see in the branches above and telling you what they were called. For a moment, you let yourself listen.
His voice turned into a hum in your ear as you continued to walk, staring down at the bark beneath your feet before stopping entirely. You took a deep breath that shuddered in your throat, and when he heard it, the Doctor stopped and turned to face you.
You looked up and saw the look on his face, and your heart plummeted in your chest. He looked concerned, not confounded or frustrated, but concerned. When he spoke your name, his voice was low and softer than you'd ever heard it.
He stepped closer and cupped your face in his hands, peering into your eyes. "What's the matter?" he asked. You tried to say something, anything, but your eyes started brimming with tears and your shaky exhale turned into a sob.
Your knees buckled underneath you and he held onto your elbow as you sunk to sit on the branch. Now that the dam had burst, tears streamed down your face and every breath you tried to take came with a hoarse cry. You couldn't remember the last time you'd cried like this, but instead of feeling cathartic, this felt like you were dying.
The Doctor tugged you to him, holding you in an enormous bear hug as you sobbed. He stroked your hair and spoke gently, "It's alright, I promise, everything's alright."
You made some attempt at cleaning your face, saying, "No it's not. It's really not-" Your voice broke off and you tried to look away. "I don't know why I'm here."
He took your chin in his hand and gently lifted your head. "You're here because you want to be, aren't you?" he asked, trying and failing to crack a smile, "What's wrong?"
You sniffed. "I dunno, everything is wrong, I'm wrong, everything goes wrong and I can't help. I stand out of the way while you do all the work and I'm useless-" you said, choking back another sob. You swiped your sleeve across your face and sniffed again before saying, "I don't know what I'm doing here, I'm always in the way. It was the same on Earth, I can't do anything right. I'm like a-" You cried softly, "I'm like a parasite-"
"No one talks about my friend like that," the Doctor said, stroking your cheek with his thumb. "You're incredible! You're lovely, and brilliant, I couldn't imagine traveling without you."
You covered your face with your hands and muttered, "You don't understand-" Your shoulders shook and your chest heaved with sobs. "That feels like a lie, it feels like- like you're just trying to be nice, and I can't help it, but I can't believe you- and I'm tired!" you cried, "I just want it to stop, I'm so tired of feeling like this. I just-"
You paused, sniffing and wiping the tears from your eyes. The Doctor peered at you, not daring to say a word.
You said, "I'm sorry," and the Doctor responded.
"You've got nothing to be sorry about, alright? Nothing at all, I promise," he said. You sniffed again and took a deep breath.
"It's just... A lot, all the time. It gets terrible like this, and I've- sometimes, I..." you said, swallowing a lump in your throat, "I think the world would be better off without me in it. I dunno, it- it feels like I'd be doing everyone a favor." You chuckled bitterly.
The Doctor spoke, slow and deliberate, refusing to break your gaze. "Please believe me when I say that the world would not be better off without you. I have been travelling for over a thousand years, and I have never met a person that didn't matter. You're extraordinary."
He touched his forehead to yours, cupping your face and taking a deep breath. "I can't imagine a world without you," he said, stating it like it confused him, "But if I can do anything about it, I'll make sure that any world with you in it is nice and safe, I promise I'll try my hardest."
He paused again before saying, "I also want you to know that I love you, and I'm here, even when it gets hard."
You froze. Your eyes flashed across his face, looking for any telltale signs of a lie, but as you looked, you found nothing but sincerity. A tiny smile crept onto your face.
He enveloped you in another bear hug, stroking your hair as you wrapped your arms around him. For the first time in a while, you felt content.
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minleeeknow · 3 months
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‘tease’
‘pairing’ - 김승민 (kim seungmin) x fem!reader
‘genre’ - college au, fluff
‘tw’ - slight kissing, teasing
‘word count’ - 0.4 k
‘to get tagged’ - pls reply to the taglist post, this post, or just ask me
‘lee’s notes’ - lowercase intended, not proofread, stop this was so fun to write :D
pls note, reblog, anything
~
you groan as you flip your paper over on your desk. kim seungmin, your younger brother’s best friend, snickers behind you.
“what did you get?” he asks, smiling innocently. you roll your eyes at him in annoyance, keeping a hand on your test paper in case seungmin decides to snatch it.
“you go first,” you retort. seungmin smirks as he waves his test in front of your face.
“ninety six percent,” seungmin simpers smugly. you frown at him, reluctantly flipping your test around.
“ninety two,” you mutter, staring at the bright red letters. seungmin beams with evil glee at you.
“ha!” he crows triumphantly. “i beat you.” you groan again, face-palming yourself.
“i’m not good at literature. this book was boring anyway,” you protest. seungmin sneers. “what, and art history is any better than this?” he mocks, rolling his eyes at you.
“yes actually!”
“keeeeep talking yn,” he says. “just admit it, you’re bad at this and i’m better.” you stick out your tongue playfully.
“never!”
a few moments later, you’re walking with seungmin to your break spots under that one willow tree. your younger brother, jeongin, is already waiting for you two.
“what took you so long,” he complains. “i need help with this math exercise.” looking up from his phone, he takes in your face.
“oooh, let me guess, seungmin beat you at the lit test,” jeongin guesses, grinning. you glare at him.
“it’s not fair, he actually likes reading boring historical fiction. who likes that? sci-fi forever!” you say, crossing your arms over your chest.
“life’s not fair,” seungmin remarks with a sing-song tone, smirking at you. jeongin looks between the both of you.
“are you guys, like, secretly dating or something? the teasing from this guy is like–” jeongin begins.
seungmin shoots him a look and jeongin shuts up. with a mischievous look, seungmin drops to one knee and you start laughing hysterically.
“what in the actual hell?” you say loudly, making everyone outside look at you two.
“i like you, yn,” seungmin utters smoothly, as if no one was watching. you bury your face in your hands, still smiling.
“is that what all the teasing was?” you demand, amused. seungmin sighs.
“will you just be my girlfriend already so i can get off of my knee? people are staring,” seungmin shoots back, ignoring your question.
“okay, okay, seungmin. you’re such a tease, you know?” seungmin grins, throwing his arms around you, pulling you into a fierce hug.
“i know.”
~
‘taglist open!’
@k-labels @goldenjupiterz
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