Tim Rice's "Get Onto My Cloud", Starmania
Since there isn't a transcript available for this podcast yet, I sat down and typed it out myself.
This is Tim Rice. Welcome to my podcast, Get Onto My Cloud.
[70s style theme music]
I thought for this podcast, I would tell you something about the only foreign musical I’ve ever translated.
I remember Cameron Mackintosh, in around 1983, sending me a copy of the Les Miserables French album, which I’m not sure I even played. Which was not the most astute move of my career. I think I must’ve been getting going on Chess at the time. However, Cameron and the French authors could not have been more brilliantly served than by Herbert Krezmer’s English lyrics in 1985, and of course Les Mis is a worldwide phenomenon still running all over the world(pandemics permitting). So, when I received another French musical album in 1989, a year after Chess had flopped ignominiously on Broadway, I actually inserted the recording into my CD player.
My career was going through - how can I put it? - a quiet patch, and I felt I had the time to listen to a French show with what had the rather uninspiring title, Starmania. Or, in French, Starmania.
Starmania is a cyberpunk rock opera. It was written in 1976, in French, by Michel Berger(music) and Luc Plamondon(lyrics).
Michel was a major player in France in popular music culture, both as a songwriter and performer. He wrote and produced records for French superstars including Johnny Hallyday, Françoise Hardy, and his wife, France Gall. Who, incidentally, won Eurovision in 1965 with “Poupée De Cire, Poupée De Son”, representing(for some reason) Luxembourg. But Michel was not involved in that. It was he who had sent me the album.
Luc Plamondon was a French Canadian lyricist, who was responsible for many of Celine Dion’s French language hits in the early part of her career.
On first hearing, I was intrigued and impressed by the record. I speak tolerable French, especially after a few glasses of red wine, and had managed to pick up the drift of some of the plot which, to say the least, seemed fairly convoluted. It was much more rock influenced than the score of, say, Les Mis or Phantom. As a frustrated, failed rocker from way back, this appealed to me more quickly than a traditional theatrical score might have done.
Starmania started off as an album in France, and made it onto stage in Paris in 1979. It was a massive hit; and indeed, still is, with yet another major revival scheduled in Paris for 2020(or as soon as is possible). Its success is quite an achievement as the French don’t seem to like any musicals, with none of the English-speaking mega-hits doing particularly well when translated and presented in France. Jesus Christ Superstar, despite having its French premiere attended by both Salvador Dali and Frankie Howard, only ran for a few months.
Anyway, I went over to Paris to see the show and to meet Michel and Luc. The show was great, and I was even beginning to come to grips with the story - as this is only a 20 minute podcast, I don’t think I’ll go into all the subtleties of the plot. Suffice it to say, it was set in the near future, which then was the year 2000, in Metropolis(sic), the capital of the recently created Occident Nation. As it was already the late 80s, we were in for a pretty turbulent 11 years, if Luc’s story was to be an accurate prophecy.
The leading characters in Starmania were Johnny Rockfort, a cross-dressing student agitator(sic); Zero Janvier, a billionaire businessman planning to run for the presidency of the country(so Luc was right on the money there); his girlfriend, former sex symbol movie star Stella Spotlight; a waitress/narrator called Marie-Jeanne; hopelessly in love with Ziggy, an androgynous fantasist record dealer; Cristal, the host of the TV show Starmania, who becomes involved with Johnny; and then there was Johnny’s gang of street rebels, the Black Stars.
You probably don’t need to remember all of this.
Marie-Jeanne has one of the score’s most powerful moments, at the climax of the show, a song called “Le Monde est Stone”. In the English version, which after a lot of thought I entitled “The World is Stone”, it was sung on the album we recorded eventually by the fabulous Cyndi Lauper and was a medium-sized hit single for Cyndi in the UK in 1992. Here it is.
[musical interlude, “The World is Stone”]
Cyndi Lauper, and “The World is Stone”.
Not having a particularly full dance card at the beginning of the 90s, I happily agreed to translate or adapt the songs into English, for an English release album, particularly as Michel had done a deal with CBS in the UK where the delightful Muff Winward, formerly of the Spencer Davis Group, was the executive overseeing this particular project.
Muff was an all-round good egg, if eggs can be round. An all-oval good egg, perhaps. Muff and Michel managed to assemble a very distinguished international lineup of artistes to perform on the English-language album. It was recorded eventually in London, Paris, and Los Angeles. I also translated the book of the show, i.e. the dialogue between songs, and took the decision to rename Starmania “Tycoon” as the Zero Janvier tycoon character was pretty central and “Starmania” sounded a little bit too like Opportunity Knocks or, in today’s TV terms, Britain’s Got Talent. This was probably a mistake. “Starmania” today sounds like a great retro title for a show.
Muff and I had been over to New York with the aim of roping Cyndi Lauper into the project. She’d heard two songs that she’d been sent, “The World is Stone”, and another number called “You Have To Learn To Live Alone”, which is actually one of my favourite lyrics. And Cyndi seemed moderately intrigued. It was soon clear that she hadn’t a clue who I was, so I managed to subtly inform her that I’d written the words for “One Night in Bangkok”, which had been a massive radio and chart hit in the States. And by the time I’d flung Superstar and Evita into the mix, Cyndi’s enthusiasm had perked up a bit. Funnily enough I met Cyndi in a restaurant in Barnes, about 25 years later, and on that occasion she thought I was Robert Stigwood. Since her great success as a writer of the musical Kinky Boots, I’m hoping for recognition, instant recognition, as a fellow theatrical next time we meet.
Back to Starmania/Tycoon. On the album in addition to Cyndi Lauper we had Tom Jones, Bros, Celine Dion, Kim Carnes, Willy DeVille(who as Mink DeVille made that superb 1977 album Spanish Stroll), German punk superstar Nina Hagen, and - particularly exciting for me - the wonderful former Ronette, Ronnie Spector(whom I last saw in 1964 on the set of TV’s Ready, Steady, Go, when I failed to win a Billy-Jay Kramer miming competition). By any standards, that’s a pretty impressive list of artists, and it was a great thrill for me to meet and work with them. Obviously, the album would do well in the UK, and we hoped also in America. Why not? Which in turn could lead to an English language stage version of France’s biggest ever rock musical.
Obviously, this did not happen.
But I’m still glad I got involved, if only because it led to one of the best recordings of my lyrics I’d be lucky enough to have experienced. In French, the song was titled “S.O.S. d'un Terrien en Detresse”, which translated is “S.O.S. of an Earthling in Distress”. In the show it’s sung by Johnny Rockfort, mourning the death of his lover Cristal. I decided not to go with “S.O.S. of an Earthling in Distress” as the title, and called the song “Only the Very Best”. And it was sung magnificently by the leader of the US rock band Cockrobin, Peter Kingsbury.
[musical interlude, “Only the Very Best”]
Peter Kingsbury, what a vocal, with “Only the Very Best” from Tycoon, my English version of the French megamusical Starmania. I was particularly pleased that the distinguished composer of Les Mis, Claude-Michel Schonberg, chose that track as one of his Desert Island Discs.
So, my attempt to bring France’s greatest musical to the English stage was a total failure. The English language album and two or three singles did very well in France, and sold a few copies in French Canada, but that probably wasn’t because of my brilliant English lyrics. Nothing really happened record-wise in the UK after Cyndi’s initial success with “The World is Stone”.
The whole enterprise received a terrible blow when Michel Berger, aged only 44, suffered a fatal heart attack after playing tennis in August 1992. In France, his death led to a massive outpouring of sincere and shocked tributes to one of the nation’s best and most popular musicians. I remember him as a warm and civilised fellow, with whom it was always a pleasure both to work and to have dinner with, with him, France, and their family. I’m sure his work would have made an even greater international impact, had he lived a little longer.
All the same, Starmania lives on in its home country, and I hope to see it again before too long. I wouldn’t put any money on that English version ever emerging, but Luc is still happily with us(admittedly in Quebec a lot of the time), so if an insanely optimistic producer wanted to give it a go, I don’t think it would be too hard to get Luc’s permission. And mine.
The biggest star involved in the project was the legendary Tom Jones, who recorded my translation of the evil Zero Janvier’s big number, “Le Blues du Businessman”. For someone like Tom to sing a lyric one has written is as much an honour as a pleasure. I remember the recording session in Los Angeles as a great music memory for me, as was the session with the wise and wonderful Ronnie Spector in Paris.
So thank you, Michel, thank you Luc, thank you France, and thank you, Muff.
To end this Starmania podcast, here is Tom Jones, with “Le Blues du Businessman”, aka “I Would Love to Change the World”.
Remember, when this was written, I had not heard of Donald Trump.
[musical interlude, “I Would Love to Change the World”]
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“You’re such a Dick” is taken as a far more devastating insult than “you’re such a dick!”
Why? No one wants to admit it. They’re all stubborn, petty siblings. And if there’s one thing siblings hate, it’s always being compared to the other. They all spent the first half of their lives trying to live upto Dick, to be him and then spent their latter halves living as far apart.
The first time, Tim lets it slip to Jason is when they were at a warehouse, Jason checking in on everyone over the comms after a vicious gang takedown, and the amount of concern and checking up he was doing made a half-conscious and definitely concussed Tim blurt out: You’re such a Dick.
The horrified pause that followed before Jason clicked off was enough to make Tim realise the extent of damage he’d done. Red Hood spends the next two months gunfighting, taking over the underworld and dealing in shady illegal hands before he even shows up to the mansion again.
Tim got his karma though. He was entertaining people at the gala as Timothy Drake, wooing suitors and investors, turning on the charm and rizz that left everyone swooning over him and completely enamoured. He’s trying to manipulate them to donate millions to a good cause, maybe make a few powerful connections he could use when he laughs, disentangles from the crowd and gives a charismatic wink to his followers.
He pauses, refilling his drink when he hears the disapproving tut from the shadows.
“What do you want Damian.”
“Drake. What are you doing?”
“My job, trying to make the best of a worse situation.”
“With those flirtatious compliments you gave? Drake, you made the mayor’s mother swoon.”
Tim shrugs.
“Not my fault they can’t resist my charms”
And then. Damian levels him with a scrutinising look, scowling before he mutters.
“You’re such a Dick.”
Tim doesn’t realise the glass has slipped from his fingers until he hears it shatter along with his mind.
Dick, god bless him, has no idea. He genuinely thinks that they’re fighting and the insults just get to them. However, he’s still confused why when he goes to check on them they refuse to make eye contact with him, and then disappear off the face of the planet.
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Bruce: I've prepared another training presentation-
*collective batkid groaning*
Bruce: -Because I've heard some of you praise Tim-
Tim: God forbid I have an ounce of positive feedback!
Bruce: - For some of the things he said while fighting Jason in Titan's Tower.
Tim: .....Ok in my defense! You never had one of these PowerPoint presentations for what to do if your predecessor comes back from the dead!
Jason: Yeah! Where are the slides telling us what to do if we're suffering from extreme pit madness!
Bruce: At the end of this presentation. May I continue?
*Collective Batkid grumbling*
Bruce: Good. When engaging someone affected by the Lazarus Pits, you should not say anything purposefully antagonistic. There is no such thing as "throwing them off their rhythm" or "making them make a mistake" in these instances.
Tim: Oh if only there had been a ridiculously comprehensive slideshow about what I should've done!!
Bruce: The more you interrupt me, the longer this will take. Since there is no reason to incite anger in a person already filled with murderous rage, there is no use for the following phrases; "That explains why you smell like a musty bitch". "I'm wearing my nicest Robin costume for you and you couldn't be bothered to clean the grave dirt from under your nails". "I'm a bad bitch, you can't kill me". "Hit me again, and I'll sleep with your mom"-
Dick: Tim, that last one was way out of line. Do not threaten to sleep with people's parents. You're not Selina. You can't get away with it
Jason: In TimTam's defense, if I was myself at the time, I would've been impressed by the sheer audacity of what he was saying. I definitely would've slipped up or just left him alone
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