#this was supposed to be funny crack
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the girls definitely thought bruce was a villain when they used their x-ray vision the first time they stepped foot in the manor.
batonium had been going at this dating thing for a couple of months now and the girls are still on the fence about bruce. surely if he was another sedusa situation then it wouldn’t take months for his evil plan to unfold, right? they can’t deny that bruce makes the professor happy but the trauma from the sedusa incident was deeper than they realized. as much as they wanted to trust bruce, there was something within them that couldn’t, at the moment.
bruce was briefed by the professor about the unfortunate ‘ex’ cause utonium felt like bruce deserved to know. it’s not that the girls hate him exactly, they’re just super cautious. bruce completely understands and only works harder to earn the girls’ trust. part of his campaign was opening up more of himself to the little family of the man he’d grown to adore. well, as much as he could while still keeping the batman thing a secret and trying to unlearn his emotionally constipated ways. (he goes to therapy because he deserves and needs it)
and so, what better way to open up more about himself than to open up his home to the utonium family? of course, he picked a day where most of the batfam were busy. only dick and alfred were in the house, which is basically the best combination bruce could think of when introducing a prospective partner who has children of their own.
alfred and dick were wonderful to the girls and it was heartwarming to see how content it made utonium feel. bruce felt like he could get away with wrapping his arm around the professor’s waist and it turned out to be true when he only got a glare from buttercup and no demands to unhand her dad.
on the girls’ part, dick and alfred were effective persuasion to start sort of warming up to the idea of boyfriend bruce. granted, it would take some time for them to actually start trusting the man but it was a start.
bruce was giving the utonium family a tour of the wayne manor, dick tagging along with them and supplying an inane story that happened in every space that they walked through. it was great entertainment for the girls and utonium as well. the batfam is nothing but rambunctious to say the least. buttercup was starting to think that damien might be her favorite of the bunch (oh how wrong/right she was).
they eventually reach the study that had the secret entrance to the batcave and blossom just suddenly has this niggling feeling. she’s an intuitive girl and her instincts have never steered her wrong before, no matter how young she was. deciding to trust herself, she uses her handy dandy x-ray vision and could see what she could only assume was an entrance to a secret villain lair. she wasted no time flying to her father’s side and her sisters were close behind despite their confusion.
utonium immediately chastised his daughters while bruce and dick momentarily paused before looking at each other.
“dad, we told you! he’s a bad guy!” blossom yelled causing her sisters to gasp and glare at bruce. dick couldn’t stop the loud cackle that pushed through his lips even if he tried. bruce looked confused.
“now what makes you say that?” utonium asked as he kneeled down. it had already been a few years since the science accident that created his daughters and while they were steadily growing, they were still quite small compared to his tall stature.
“he has a secret entrance to his villain lair behind the clock! bubbles and buttercup can look for themselves to prove that i’m telling the truth.”
after doing as their sister said, they flanked the professor with their assent that yes there IS a secret entrance to an evil lair there, we wouldn’t lie about it!
utonium knew his daughters had no reason to lie for something quite as serious as this so he could only look towards bruce for answers.
of all the ways that bruce could’ve revealed the batman to the professor, he didn’t expect that it would be like this. he had wanted to wait a bit more, maybe a year, before telling. and even then, he was hesitant about revealing the vigilante thing entirely. he was content to keep it a secret because he didn’t know how he could deal with utonium reacting negatively. it was only with the combined intervention of all his children and alfred that he even began to consider divulging his and his family’s alter egos to the utoniums. bruce couldn’t enter a relationship that he had hopes of lasting if he couldn’t share the single most important thing about him as a person.
he was really hoping that the moment he tells utonium would be under his own terms in which he had control over the situation but the girls just. poof. made all that hope go down the drain. he’d already been told by the professor that the girls were superpowered and that they had a range of abilities but it seems like he’d be putting x-ray vision into the list.
glancing at dick who was barely stifling his gighles, bruce sighed. “i’m not a villain or a bad guy. i’m. . . batman.”
now, utonium has heard of batman. who hasn’t? and ever since living in gotham, he’s been hearing more and more about the guy and he’s made an opinion. batman is good, though his slightly violent methods seem to suggest otherwise. gotham needs someone like the dark knight to keep things in check, and something that a lot of the public didn’t notice is that he was a lot more compassionate than they realized. why else would he send a gaggle of rogues to a psychiatric institution if not to give them the means to heal themselves? (utonium would feel differently about arkham whenever he finds out about the abuse and neglect that was prevalent in the facility.)
so when he heard buttercup say that the batman sounded very much like a villain name, utonium chuckled. and so, everyone’s attention was suddenly on him. his girls looked confused, wondering how he could laugh about this like it’s a light matter and he found himself smiling softly at them, silently wishing they’d stay this innocent for a little while longer.
“girls, remember how i told you about how townsville was before? how bad guys would always do bad things and that the people there would be too afraid to even go out of their homes?”
“yeah!” exclaimed buttercup. “but then you made us and we beat up the bad guys!” she looked very proud of that statement, as did her sisters. when utonium glanced at the waynes still standing in front of them, they both looked confused. utonium sighed.
“yes. you beat up villains so that they’d go to jail and everybody would be safe. it’s the same for batman.”
“oh.” they still looked unconvinced, but the professor always told them the truth. it was only dick’s comment, that batman was friends with superman, that made the girls release the tension that was holding them up. their shoulders relaxed as they regarded bruce with a curious look. bruce nodded at them, confirming everything that’s been said about him.
“so… you won’t hurt us mr. batman?” bubbles hesitantly asked and isn’t that heartbreaking, that the thought of bruce harming them was at the forefront of their minds
bruce kneeled on one knee to be eye level with utonium’s daughter. “i promise you, i would never harm you, your sisters or your father intentionally. if i end up being mean and hurting you guys, you have my explicit permission to beat me up.”
bubbles giggled, the most trusting of the three, and held out her pinky finger. “pinky promise? and you can’t break it ever.”
since they were still at the age where pinky promises were sacred, blossom and buttercup also held out their pinkies with determined looks. bruce’s lips quirked into a small smile, bringing up his own pinky to seal the deal with each of them. “i pinky promise.”
dick, when recounting what happened to the rest of the family when they arrived back at the manor and bruce was driving the utoniums back to their apartment, had a lot of to say about how adorable the girls were and how funny it was when they called bruce a bad guy.
jason had to interrupt him. “wait, what do you mean they beat up criminals in their hometown? aren’t they like, 3 years old?”
it was at that point everybody realised something. sure, damian was also young when he started as robin but that was mostly due to the hellish and dangerous training that he was put through under the league at such a young age. was it the same for the girls? what it they were being forced to do it? sure, they had powers but they were still children.
although they expected to feel excitement about meeting the utoniums soon, now they could only feel a small sense of dread.
#i went insane again#this was supposed to be funny crack#i cant stop thinking about this so srsly#batonium#professor bats#this was supposed to be short too#dc#dc universe#dc comics#batman#bruce wayne#powerpuff girls#professor utonium#powerpuff buttercup#powerpuff blossom#powerpuff bubbles#dick grayson#alfred pennyworth
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mc, randomly at dinner: how do y'all feel about demon slayer
luci: demon what?
mc, taking a bite of rice: slayer
asmo: slay
levi: I wanna be a demon slayer :(
satan: levi, you are a demon
levi: owee :((
#I find it kinda funny#that uh#some of my fav media is centered around demons :/#um#levi goin oweh is suppose to be like the sad but deranged noise ppl make#how the fuck do you make that into letters#UH#ok#obey me crack#obey me incorrect quotes#obey me shall we date#obey me shitpost#obey me#obey me mc#obey me lucifer#obey me asmodeus#obey me leviathan#obey me satan#yeah
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Congrats on the loss boys. Love Wins <3
#worst ship poll 2023#they lost IMMEDATELY#the fact they were pit against one of the biggest ships is so funny#im still surprised they made it in#just bc i didn't think they were that notable#i cracked up seeing my ships but seeing ekurei made it personal LOL#like the hell are y'all doing here#i get that they're a lil ugly but#it felt like seeing a grocery store cupcake at a cake competition#where everyone is hitting the cakes with a bat#i wanted to add seri and teru but it would've added 2 more hrs#mp100#reigen arataka#dimple#ekubo#ekurei#my art#gonna take a short break from the challenge to make other mp100 fanart#also i rly love how this turned out!!! it was supposed to stay a sketch#but here we are
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When Viktor hasn’t slept in a couple of days:
#viktor arcane#arcane#arcane fanart#illustration#digital art#doodle#I might come back later and paint him fully lol#This was supposed to be a simple crack doodle#but now Im thinking I might come back and paint it fully when I have the energy#i think it’d be funny lol#he’s only had coffee for the past couple of hours#I imagine Jayce has to deal with this a lot probably#sleep deprived viktor = unfiltered mad scientist energy
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Cross's assumption is correct, that's exactly what I'm implying. So be a good boy and lay down pls :3
Cross: you-
Killer: implying what?
Cross: that they're gonna break my leg
Killer: .
↓ Damage Count ↓
999999999
999999999
999999999
999999999
#cross sans#killer sans#anon#bandages#violence#knife#murder#threats#death#the symbol on the anon shirt is supposed to be a leg with a crack running through the middle#Ink and Killer being so different yet so similar the beloved#they're both such powerhouses but Ink deals no DAMAGE ever while Killer always deals disproportionate amounts of DAMAGE#the only reason there's not so many more nines on the DAMAGE COUNTER is cuz i'm lazy tbh#found family being protective the beloved#Killer would probably find a way to stab someone even if both his arms were broken which they're not even damaged here so#plus anything Killer can get his hands on he can throw with deadly (literally and figuratively) aim#he can pluck big enough arrows straight from their path not because i think it's realistic in any sense of the word#but it's funny to imagine Dream having to downsize his arrows#so this horrible thing couldn't literally YOINK them out of the air like a baseball or whatever#queue
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sorry but if you watch hannibal with me you'll have to deal with me compulsively calling him a bitch every 5 minutes
#its uncontrollable im sorry#(i have ocd im aware how serious compulsions are this is supposed to be funny)#hannibal#nbc hannibal#hannibal lecter#hannibal nbc#hannibal crack
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dottore x reader but it’s a modern au teacher-student college au, where you’re forced to be his accomplice after you catch your biology professor hauling a dead body out of the school’s lab when you were in second year. now you’re about to graduate and you just realized you’ve developed, ugh, feelings for your crazy but also a total hottie of a professor slash best friend slash partner in literal crime slash the world’s most obvious serial killer. it’s truly a wonder how he hasn’t gotten caught yet — oh that’s right, he has you to thank for that.
“You murder people, but you won’t kiss me because I’m your student?!”
“First of all, I don’t murder people, I study them—”
“And then you kill them after.”
“—And second of all, I’m not a predator.”
“Do I look like a damn teenager to you?!”
#why do i only seem to write comedy and crack#because it’s fun#ok would any of you believe me if i said this was supposed to be spicy af but my mind took a u turn#and i suddenly realized how funny this concept would be#and i was right#god i can’t wait to write this#dottore is gonna be so ooc but i don’t care this is my version of manga dottore <3#manga dottore you will always remain supreme#genshin x reader#genshin impact x reader#dottore x reader#il dottore x reader#gn reader#genshin shorts#concept
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Nausa de Zuiqu 🫴✨️
#ik this'll only make sense 2 a handful of my followers but i hope y'all find it as funny as i do#bc i finished putting ichiros head on ishimaru's body and i laughed so hard i think a rib cracked#hypmic#hypnosis mic#ichiro yamada#samatoki aohitsugi#hatsune miku#anyway#4 ppl who dont know hypmic ill try 2 explain#samatoki & ichiro hate each other's guts 4 plot reasons too long 2 type out#and nausa de zuiqu is a song abt them basically playing sauna chicken seeing which one will leave first#while they quiz each other abt sauna related trivia. until samatoki passes out from hunger and ichiro passes out from dehydration#& the way the song is structured its supposed 2 sound kinda like levan polkka which is why miku is there#anyway its funny if you arent in2 hypmic i still recommend that specific song skdjsk
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I keep doing these I can’t stop
THESE TWO ARE SO STUPID. Absolutely an idiot couple. (I just need to buckle down and GET THERE in the actual FIC.)
text post doodles: [part 1], [part 2], [part 3]
#⁂ text posts#BUENOS DIAS WINGDINGS#does anyone even know that stupid meme anymore#i absolutely believe he does the googly eyes when he’s surprised/intense and that’s where papyrus gets it from#whoops someone’s jealous they don’t have skin#and someone ELSE is bragging about technically not having bones#‘‘can i get a frickin uhhhhhhhhh boneless asteri??’’#in the sandwich one I poorly drew Gaster’s magic hands doing the sign for ‘soap’#asteri is so smug in that last one skdhshjss#smacked his butt so hard he dropped all his papers#THERE’S BARELY ANYTHING TO SMACK#well. i do really enjoy the concept for that for whatever reason when wearing clothes skeletons fill them out like they have flesh#it just cracks me up bc one time zarla drew a comic about it with papyrus putting on a normal shirt and he looked muscular#it was so funny it changed my brain forever#so anyway. there may be. potentially. something(???) to smack??#Gaster’s a beanpole regardless though#mostly. i’ll get to that another time#in case tumblr eats the quality the tiny text on the bottom right of the last one says ‘‘omg how am I supposed to work now??’#(bc now he’s very distracted)#accidentally made Gaster face right in every single one of these#seeker draws#seeker oc#asteri#seeker gaster#alphys#⁂ memes#⁂ gaster#⁂ art#dingsaster
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out of everything I miss from any previous campaigns (obligatory, of course I'm enjoyin the shit outta C3, this is just good ol' nostalgia) -
Yussa. I miss the chaos wizard. The dude, crammed up into his weird optical illusion tower, worried about local municipal code. Turning his nose up at these adventures who hand him Big Scary Red Button Number 2 and he deigns to take it from them only to go in the back room muttering to himself like "fuckin little button just gotta press it right her-" poof. He's in a magical cage. Again.
What an icon. Truly brings the human millennial energy to wizards.
#like just the fact he got trapped in shit he wasnt supposed to touch with 0 backup plan TWICE is so fucking funny#critical role#i just dont know how to put it into words haha#he just cracks me up#queer icon
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Warning: TWST Manga Spoilers
did he just bonk Riddle-
#twst#twisted wonderland#riddle rosehearts#enma yuuken#enma yuu#twst manga#twisted wonderland manga#honey.random#THIS WASNT SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY BUT I CRACKED AND IM SORRY TWST FANDOM#TT o TT#I SWEAR I GOT MY HEARTSTRINGS PULLED AT THE END-
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#usopp#these past two pics have been cracking me up man they look like perfume ads or something. sorry. i'm supposed to take them seriously#and yes these are very good illustrations of usopp#but the way they're laid out...???#kinda funny. to me.
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— I just want the truth, Jason. Shooting that woman messed with my head. Are you seriously gong to tell me it didn’t mess with yours, man?
➞ Let it go, man.
#house of ashes#hoa#jason kolchek#nick kay#hoa jason#hoa nick#gameedit#supermassive games#mine: house of ashes#mine#guns tw#I don't know if this is suppose to be funny but it really cracked me up#I guess because it's such a serious convo I didn't expect#Jason's comical denial and Nick immediately calling him out this way
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I get it now, okay? I understand.
Sometimes you make an AU and it just fucking envelopes you.
I can't. Get an AU of mine out of my head right now. It's just. Wedged in there. Wedged reeeeeeeeeal good.
help.
#I have a ninjago au that was supposed to be funny crack fic shit#now it won't leave#I can't think about anything else#HELP#ninjago#ninjago shitpost#writer things
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Here are some barely holding on eggs! Which one are you!?!?!
(1) A bunch of fricked up little creepy spider babies that are not really in an egg they're in a silk sack but honestly they're vibing and don't really want to leave so they're just eating each other
Itchy, random pains, pains that are faint and disappear only to reappear again, scared of spider georg, tastes like metal, loves ice
(2) blood you are full of blood and it likes to come out a lot
Blood, blood, for some reason your mouth feels like pineapple, blood, guess what more blood
(3) a unfortunate little chick who's got one leg that's shorter than the other and doesn't really have a beak so they're just kind of licking at the inside of the eggshell with their weird bird tongue
Generally tired, unsteady, visibly recognized as disabled, has probably eaten several worms, and will eat more
(4) two worms and one rollie pollie in a dirty plastic Easter egg
Tells people you are living your best life, you are most definitely not living your best life, your joints won't stay in and honestly you've given up on trying, someone should definitely check up on you
(5) acorn
Is not an egg, should not be on this list, has never broken a bone but is definitely a frequent flyer at the ER, might make a good jelly
(6) human pregnant person
Growing a whole ass person, while being a person, badass, quick question does it ever bother you that there's something inside of you that has its own autonomy and therefore moves inside of you but not under your control, eats the best snacks
(7) a gloopy handful of frog eggs freshly scooped from the pond the pond being a algae-filled forgotten bucket behind the shed
Gelatinous, full of sticks, wishing your head would feel either cold or hot to help with your migraines, no appetite, gelatinous, sweaty
(8) already decomposing unfertilized snake egg
Your body is literally melting, you might be on fire, would stab someone unprovoked, would insult when provoked, full of glue, overestimates you're own capabilities
Make enough friends and you can probably collect them all or you could be all of them if you are I'm sorry
#idk#idk how to tag this#my body is an eggshell with so very many cracks#chronic migraine#chronic illness#chronic pain#hypermobile ehlers danlos#cripple punk#eggs#im honestly a little bit delirious right now but I'm vibing#mental illness#disablity#i should sleep#insominac#insomniac thoughts#funny?#shitpost#shitposting#I'm still figuring out the Tumblr thing how many tags am I supposed to add#shower thoughts#I'm not in the shower but I did shower recently does that count?#which one are you#which one
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Soundwave designing tramp stamps for the people he likes is peak comedy. Random grunts trying to figure out if Soundwave made them a design and then crying when it doesn't exist. You can tell how much he likes someone by how detail it is.
I can't tell if I'm really high or if this ask is just that funny, but I've been non stop wheezing for the last like?? 90 seconds or so because holy shit
Soundwave using tramp stamps as a form of affection? A love language if you will? This is so outlandish and silly and I am TAKEN. Anon you're a god damn genius. I'll be rooting for random grunts to earn their stamps
#bruh i'd take a soundwave tramp stamp no cap#soundwave#this is so fucking funny i'm supposed to be writing a serious scene and instead im cracking up over this#ty anon this was so wonderful i havent laughed this hard in awhile#i love this sm#starscream probably never gets a stamp and he pouts about it
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