#this made me so happy to think about and now i need it so bad
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with me + part 4
authors note: the love and response to this story continues to absolutely floor me. you guys are all so sweet! i was nervous about posting, but everyone has made me feel so happy that i did, so thank you!
couple of hints about things sprinkled through this one. the more i write, the more things are getting fleshed out, so idk how many parts this will be atp, nothing too crazy though!!!
also, some tags don't seem to work for some reason, like when i type it, the hyperlink doesn't appear so super sorry to those impacted by that!!!
warnings: angst, fluff, language, suggestive content
song inspo: with me by destiny’s child
word count: 5.8k
taglist: @pixiedust4000 @southerngirl41 @yolobloggers @msbigredmachine @wonderingfashion @shayaaaaaaa @usoholic @brokenglassslippers @gators-aid @dersha89 @southerngirl41 @empressdede
You couldn't eat.
Couldn't sleep.
Could barely think straight.
All that consumed you, ate at you, gnawed at your sanity was one thought and one thought alone.
He wanted to take her from you.
Joe wanted to take your daughter from you, your four year old daughter who still couldn't even go to sleep at night unless she got to see or speak to you.
The daughter who he'd only known existed just recently but was seemingly set on ripping away from you.
That thought destroyed you, made you raw from blistering agony at just the idea of not having Callie with you full time. It destroyed you to the point that you decided to throw some clothes on, hop in your car, and set your google maps for the hotel you knew he’d be staying at. Damn the fact that it was the middle of the night or that you were stupid as hell for being in that situation in the first place. None of that mattered.
You needed to talk to him, and you needed to talk to him now.
Joe opens the door with a forceful swing, looking as irritated and disheveled as you’d expect one to look at nearly 1am in the morning. However, when his eyes land on you, confusion meshes with irritation. “Y/N?”
“Hi.” It’s said in a breathy tone. You're struggling to remember the script you rehearsed the whole drive there. “I’m sorry. I know it’s late—”
“What the..….” He sighs heavily and steps aside, motioning for you to come in. “Get in here.”
You don’t need to be told twice, looking around the hotel room that looks so plain and undeserving of someone with Joe’s stature. But, you also know this area isn’t exactly saturated with 5 star hotels, far from it. This is probably the most elite one he could find with such short notice, and it’s not bad at all, just….basic.
He clears his throat, and you return your attention to the man who you just realized is also shirtless. If not for the pending mental breakdown you’re fighting to keep at bay, it would be extremely distracting. Joe is a lot of things, and fine as hell is at the top of that list.
“What are you doing here, Y/N?” He sounds exhausted, and you can’t tell if it’s from the argument earlier that day or being woken up in the middle of the night. Probably both.
“I just—I need to talk to you.”
“Now?”
Nodding, you continue. “I know….I know I messed up, okay? I should have told you, but I just—I need you to look at it from my perspective. I need you to just hear me out, and if—if you still feel the same way, then–then I’ll have to deal with that….but please.”
He’s leaning back against the dresser, arms crossed, taking time to answer as he weighs your offer. Finally, he concedes, “you came all the way over here. I’m not just gonna send you away.”
You’re thankful for him being willing to at least hear some of what you have to say. “Callie.....she was conceived the last time we were together.” Not sure if that part was necessary or the best way to start out, you quickly move on to the next point. “I didn’t find out I was pregnant until two months later. And on top of not knowing what the fuck to feel, I barely knew what to do. I was pregnant by a married man that I’d been sleeping with for three years. A married, famous man at that. Who I finally decided I needed to move on from.”
Revisiting this is harder than you expected, harder than when you rehearsed it on your drive here. “I was scared, Joe, okay? I was scared, so I—I did what I thought was best at that time, and clearly it was wrong. I 100% own up to that, and you get to be angry with me, but you don’t get to let that anger influence your decision making, because it is.”
This is the part you debated so deeply on whether to say or not say, to potentially poke the already irate bear. But, you wouldn’t be you if you didn’t speak up for yourself and your daughter. “You want a legal custody arrangement, and I understand why, but—Joe, your name isn’t even on her birth certificate, but to tell you the truth…..I wanted it to be. I did.” Whether he believes you or not is on him, but it’s true. Because while he wasn't present in her life, he was still her father. Nothing would change that. “They wouldn’t do it without you present and without a paternity test—”
“I could have been there,” he interrupts, sounding more hurt than anything. “I should have been there.”
“You’re right, but you weren’t, and I’m sorry for that too. I’m not trying to make any excuses here, just lay out facts. And the fact is that you can get a paternity test, you can establish paternity, and you can try to secure joint custody, but we both know there’s no way you can take her on. You work nonstop, Joe, and she can’t be on the road like that. She’s four for fucks sake. Calista needs stability, and she has that with me. You know I’m right.”
And you can see that he sees you’re right, the wheels turning in his head as he takes in your sound predictions.
“And I know you don’t right now, and that’s okay, but I am asking you to please trust me enough to know that I will not get in the way of you getting to know Calista. Trust that I only want what’s best for her, I’ve only ever wanted what was best for her.”
“Why should I?” Despite his words, you can see and hear the crumbling of his defenses, of the brick and mortar wall he'd erected earlier during the first round of this conversation. “What’s different now?”
“Because she asked about you.” This is the part that crushes you the most, that makes you wonder if you’ll ever be able to forgive yourself for even putting her in that situation. “Because she thinks you’re not in her life because she’s not a good girl, and I will not have my child grow up thinking she wasn’t good enough for her father to want to be in her life.”
You won’t let her grow up like you.
Period.
Having this discussion, saying these things aloud, you’re slowly starting to recognize how some of your own unaddressed issues have contributed to this situation. How your refusal to confront buried trauma has bled into another generation. It’s…..uncomfortable, to say the least.
And something you definitely need to revisit, probably sooner rather than later. Just…not right now.
You’ve got to sort this through first.
It’s after a few minutes of silence that he finally speaks, voice surprisingly calm. “You’re right.” You let out a deep breath, nearly falling back at his words. You knew he was wavering but not to the point where he would yield. “I know….I know our situation is complicated, and I’m sorry for being so cold with you. I just—fuck, I don’t know how to process all of this.”
You cross your arms over your chest. “Neither do I, but we can figure it out, because we can’t…..we can’t put her through a custody battle. I won’t do that.” Despite your very valid facts, you also recognize that while he probably wouldn’t win, he has access to the best legal team money can buy and would outlast you in court by miles.
You won’t say it aloud, not even sure if you can, but you’d soon rather concede than put her through that. You’d give him whatever he asked for if it meant sparing her from that trauma.
It’s a far cry from your stance hours earlier, but time and actually thinking things through made you realize the pain you’d experience at having Callie taken from you would be nothing compared to what that experience would do to her. You know custody disputes can be long and nasty, and though she was still young, you didn’t want to find out if they would question her.
You’d sacrifice your soul and surrender.
You loved her enough to let her go.
“You’re right.” He repeats himself, even and calm. It’s such a stark difference for both of you compared to the blowup from earlier. There’s actual communication occurring, talking with each other, instead of at each other. Listening to hear, not to react. “I—I couldn’t do that to you. I spoke out of anger. My schedule is crazy and she needs stability. You give her that.”
There’s an insurmountable amount of relief that washes over you at his words. It’s night and day from the angry—though rightfully—man that stood before you earlier today. And you couldn’t be more grateful.
“Thank you.” There aren’t enough words to adequately express the depth of your gratitude. Joe is well within his right to be upset, and like you said, you’ll take whatever that is, so long as the both of you can agree that Callie being with you is for the best. For her, but for you too. You won’t deny that. Your daughter is your life, and the thought of being without her, even for a period of time makes you sick to your stomach. “I–” You wipe your eyes, completely unaware that you’d been crying at one point, the tears starting to dry up. “I’m taking off work tomorrow and keeping her home. You…you can come over once I pick her up from Mariah's."
His eyes light up with appreciation that matches your own for his willingness to look past his feelings to do what’s best for your child. “Yeah?”
You offer a small smile. “I’ll probably get her around 10 and text you when you can head over.”
He nods, and the excitement in his expression warms you. It’s so strange how you can go through so many emotions in such a short time regarding the man in front of you. He always has been able to evoke things out of you that no one else could.
“Thank you, Y/N.”
The way he takes you in, assessing you, it makes you shift your weight from one foot to another. Your hoodie suddenly feels too heavy, warmth climbing up to your cheeks. “I—” You gesture to the door with your thumb. “I should head out.”
It’s when you turn to leave that he grabs your wrist to stop you.
“Where are you going?”
Your brow lifts at his tone and words, confused by the quick change and his hand on your arm. “Umm, home?”
“Like hell you are.” His dismissal is firm and final as he informs, “you'll crash here tonight.” Your face must be painted in defiance, because he explains, “it's almost 2 in the morning, and you look exhausted. I'm not letting you get on the road. Anything could happen.”
“Joe—”
He lifts his hand, silencing you as he points to the middle of the room. “You can take the bed. It's uncomfortable anyway.”
Ironically, a small yawn escapes, further proving his point. You are exhausted, in several different ways. The idea of driving back home right now is not nearly as appealing as sleeping off the day's events. “Okay.” Remembering his comment, you add, “you could have picked one of those fancy hotels ya'll stay in, you know.”
“I don't think there's anything ‘fancy’ within 30 miles of here.” He's not entirely wrong, the town's local steakhouse is considered the definition of fine dining and hotspot for special occasions.
“There were once rumors of a Hilton being built.”
He looks almost hopeful. “When was that?”
You bite down on your lip. “When I was in middle school.” A small laugh escapes at his look of exasperation.
“You should take the bed. It's gotta be more comfortable than the alternative.” Truly, because the idea of Joe's big ass trying to sleep on a damn fold out sofa is both hilarious and tragic. “I just need a shirt.”
He looks at you. “A shirt?”
“Yeah.”
“Because…..”
Rolling your eyes, you tug at your old college hoodie. “I can't sleep in this. It's uncomfortable as hell. I dress light at night. You know—” And you stop yourself, because he shouldn’t remember that you always sleep in either a big shirt or thin top and shorts, never more, oftentimes nothing at all when he was in town.
For obvious reasons.
You’re grateful when he turns away and digs through his bag, probably the only one he took with him. He always traveled lightly. He comes back, reaching you one of his black t-shirts.
“Thanks.” Accepting the item, you walk over to the bathroom, closing the door behind you. Standing in the mirror, you take in your appearance. Joe was being nice by saying you look exhausted, cause you look like shit, every bit of the days events, loud and blaring. Blowing out a breath, you start removing your clothes but pause when you go to remove your bra.
Is that….is that too much? You haven’t slept in a bra in years. Not since puberty randomly hit you over the summer between freshman and sophomore year, where you went from a modest A cup to a whopping D. And post Callie body definitely wasn’t a D anymore. It just seems….it seems indecorous.
Deciding to go with safe instead of sorry, you swallow your discomfort and keep your bra on. With the hair tie on your wrist, you do your best to pineapple your hair, knowing good and well it’ll be frizzfest when you wake up but not really caring.
Another yawn leaves your mouth as you walk out the bathroom only to turn into a scowl as you find Joe sitting on the sofa on his phone.
If it wasn’t so late and you weren’t so tired, you’d argue with him why it’s stupid of you to take the bed. He’s at least a foot taller than you. But, you don’t have it in you so just mutter “stubborn asshole,” place your folded clothes on the dresser, and climb into the bed.
You double check your alarm is still set for the right time and lean across the bed to place it on the nightstand. There’s a comfortable silence between the two of you for a couple of minutes, your eyes closing as you try to sleep, even if for a couple of hours before you have to get back on the road.
“What is she like?”
Your eyes open at his question, unexpected but understood. You think about it, wondering how to answer, how to explain all of the wonderful things that is your child. Finally, you settle on an answer, soft and honest.
“You'll find out for yourself tomorrow.” And turning on your side, you murmur, “goodnight, Joe.”
He doesn’t say anything after that.
But while you sleep with the hope of believing that this can be worked out between the two of you, Joe lies awake, taking his turn with mind running a mile a minute.
He knew this would be difficult, knew it was going to get ugly to some extent, but what he didn’t expect was how impacted he'd be by seeing you again.
There was a stark difference between seeing you in photos and seeing you in person. His anger at the situation helped him to not react as strongly, but not as much as he liked or needed it to.
Because regardless of all his outrage, he’d missed you.
Even with your deception, with your deceit and all of his confusing emotions toward you in this whole situation, he missed you.
Joe might not be ready to admit it aloud, but he’s never gotten over you. And not for lack of trying. He’d had a period where he tried to fuck away his feelings, tried to busy himself in between the legs of other women, his favorite distraction when he was in his twenties. Tried to remind himself that it was never meant to turn into anything anyway, that it wasn’t a big deal. But his efforts were fruitless and a waste of time.
He cared about you, he cared about you, arguably, more than he’d ever cared about a woman. Even….even Jadah.
The night you ended things was still a sore spot for him, still something he plays over in his head trying to make sense of. On the surface level, it’s pretty plain and simple. You wanted more, he couldn’t give it to you, so you moved on. 1+1. He was legally married for fucks sake. He couldn’t blame you for wanting more, but there was also a part of him that wondered why you didn’t just ask him for more.
Then again, that went both ways. Why didn’t he ask you for more?
It’s easy to say it was because of Jadah, because of his marriage, and that was both true and untrue. On his part, anyway. Divorce was easy in name but far from it in every other area. And for him, meant being forced to confront demons he tried his best to keep at bay. Up until two months ago, at least
Joe closes his eyes. This is all too much.
He came here ready to confront you, and he had, in fucked up way, even if partially deserved. He came here to meet his daughter, to begin to form a bond with her, and he will do that. He just has to push the complicated feelings for you to the side and place them on the backburner until he can sort through that mess.
Calista is his priority right now. Whatever this is between you and him can be figured out later.
Hopefully.
________
“She can be shy until she gets to know you.”
The day seems to have escaped you, getting on the road early in the morning to drive back and prepare to pick up Callie. She’s thrilled to see you, and vice versa. The two of you spend the beginning of the morning together, stopping at a local diner to share a breakfast before heading back to your apartment. You spend a little more time together, one on one, before texting Joe to head over, staying true to your word.
Especially since he informed you that he had to fly out tomorrow morning. You expected as such, knowing he’d probably already been gone longer than higher ups liked. He could only push the limits so much.
You don’t even have to be looking at him to know he’s nervous, an understandable but strange thing. Weird almost. Joe’s a lot of things, but nervous has never been one of them. “But once she gets comfortable, she won’t shut up.” That makes him smile, and you’re grateful for that. Sure enough, you find Callie in her playroom, which used to be your office space, but the more spoiled she became from your mom, the more you realized her room was too small for all of her stuff. “Hey, Callie Bear.”
Callie looks up, smile bright as she runs over to you. You lean down to meet her hug. She gives the best, loving hugs. “I’m making you something, mommy.”
You gasp. “You are? Well, I can’t wait to see it.”
“It’s a surprise, so no peeking!” She lifts her little finger, wagging it in your face. Laughing, you nod and push back some of her curls. Callie’s eyes then land on Joe’s massive frame standing near the doorway, silently observing. You can see the emotions so clearly on his face: surprise, shock, happiness.
Callie’s smile dims as she moves closer to you, holding you close, her stranger danger kicking in. A small part of you is grateful that even at almost five, she knows to be cautious. Then there’s the other part of you that’s saddened at the fact that the “stranger” she’s cautious of is her own father. “Baby, this is….this is….”
“I’m Joe,” he finishes for you, and you’re both grateful and annoyed. Conflicted because a small part of you wanted to be the one to tell her, but also grateful he ironically took that responsibility off of you. “I’m an old friend of your mom’s.”
Welp.
That’s not….that’s not what you expected him to say, not what you two discussed. It wasn’t explicitly stated, but you were under the impression that they would tell her the truth. His statement isn’t exactly a lie, you did once consider Joe to be a friend, much more than that, but still. Joe’s role in Callie’s life is significantly more than that.
This seems to ebb away some of Callie’s caution as she asks, “really?” Her eyes fall on you, almost looking for approval. With a tight smile, you nod, giving her the relief she needs to loosen her hold on you. “Do you like Disney?” That causes you to genuinely laugh, something your sweet child definitely inherited from both you and your mom was a love of Disney.
“I do,” he answers, and you pause. Does he really? Perhaps. Regardless, it’s a smart answer for your Disney loving child. “Do you?”
Callie nods happily, grabbing your arm and twisting it to show the ‘remember who you are’ tattoo on your wrist. “Mommy and grandma have Disney tattoos, and mommy’s gonna get a Moana one for me!”
“Really?” Joe, now crouched down to be at her eye level, sounds genuinely interested, and maybe he is. Callie is impressively charismatic at only four. She’s also his daughter who he’s wanting to develop a relationship with, so it’s not far-fetched that she could be talking to him about the rate at which grass grows, and he would entertain it like he was watching a 49ers game. “You like Moana?”
Is water wet? “She’s the bestest! Right, mommy?”
You chuckle, fixing her shirt. “She watches it almost every day.” You always found it interesting, ironic even, that your daughter instantly gravitated to Moana, unaware that the voice of freaking Maui is her cousin, that she too had pacific islander ancestry. Through her dad. The dad you kept from her.
“You know I don’t know if I’ve seen that one—”
Callie’s mouth drops open as she looks at you, “mommy, can we watch it? Please? Please? Pleeeeaaassseeee?”
“Okay, okay, okay,” you relent after pretending to think about it. You like to limit her screentime to two hours, and even though she already watched The Princess and the Frog earlier for the 97th time this month, there was no way you were not gonna allow this bonding opportunity.
Squealing, Callie surprises you by breaking away and moving over to Joe, reaching for his hand. “Let’s go, Joe!” She pulls on the sleeve of his hoodie, probably to lead him into the living room where Disney Plus is signed in.
Alone in her playroom, you run over what just happened. You thought you would tell her the truth, tell her that this is the father she was asking about, the one she thought didn’t want her when in actuality, he wanted to know everything there was to know about her.
And for a second, you get pissed off. Why wasn’t Joe honest with her? Isn’t this what he wanted? To be in her life. It’s confusing. He is confusing. But….you try to give him the benefit of the doubt, certain that he must have some reason behind his actions. You just hope they’re damn good reasons.
“Mommy!” You know that tone of hers, the tone that tells you a request is to follow.
You shout back, “yes?”
“Joe likes popcorn too! Can we have some?”
You laugh and shake your head, shouting out an ‘okay’. Walking out of the room and into the living room, you find Callie near the TV, arm outstretched as she explains every detail of Moana, even the most obvious ones. But, Joe is sitting on the sofa, watching and listening intently. His smile is stapled.
He looks…..he looks so happy.
Moving into the kitchen, you move around quietly to not interrupt and to get their popcorn made.
Waiting for the popcorn to finish, you hear Callie ‘whisper’ to Joe, “Mommy can’t cook, but she makes good snacks.”
Amid his laughter, you walk near the living room, hands on her hips. “I heard that, little ms. ma’am.”
“That’s what Grandma says,” Callie defends with a shrug of her little shoulders. “She says mommy is pretty and smart and funny, but she burns water.” She looks off, confused, as if it’s finally registering to her that that doesn’t make sense. “Mommy, how do you burn water?”
Joe is on the sofa, hand over his mouth, fighting for his life. You also can’t help but laugh at the absolutely serious look on her face. “Finish your movie.”
The microwave dings, so you grab two bowls and fill them up equally. Delivering them to both, you place hers on the coffee table as she’s back to narrating. “Popcorn, as requested.”
“Thank you.” Her eyes go wide with excitement as she suddenly asks, “will you watch it with us?”
Damn. You had a feeling she would ask but was hoping she wouldn’t. Disappointing her twice in one weekend felt criminal. “Callie, I'm super behind with work.”
“Pleeeeasssseeee.” She starts with the begging again and then looks at Joe to inform him, “mommy’s a teacher. Do you have a job?”
Joe chuckles. “I do.”
“What do you do?” She asks in a sing-song tone. You give him that ‘I told you she never shuts up’ look.
“I’m a professional wrestler.”
She’s clearly intrigued, asking, “are you actually good?”
“Callie!” This little girl and her lack of filter sometimes never ceases to amaze you. Your mom swears up and down it’s your payback from how blunt you were as a child.
You’re starting to believe it.
Joe gives a shrug, clearly loving every bit of this. You can tell he wants her to keep the questions coming. He’ll answer em’ all if it means getting to spend time with her. “I’m alright.”
At that, you give him a look and crouch down to her level. “He’s very good.” You take the remote and quickly pause the TV, adding on, “matter of fact, he’s the universal undisputed champion.” Joe gives you a look, and you can tell he’s surprised by you knowing this piece of information.
You don’t watch wrestling as much as you used to, partially due to what happened between the two of you, mostly because you don’t have the time, but even non-wrestling people know about Roman Reigns and his current, historic title reign. You’re not sure if you’d feel entirely comfortable saying it to him, but you’re massively proud of Joe and all he’s accomplished. You always knew he could do it.
Her eyes widen with excitement and curiosity as she looks at Joe for clarification. “Really?”
“That is true.”
Head tilted, she moves away from you and climbs on the sofa to sit next to him. Her little legs crossed over as she continues with the questions. “What does undis—undis—”
He helps her out, also angling his body more toward her. “Undisputed?”
“Yeah! What does that mean?”
You can see he’s taking a minute to decide how to answer. “It means I don’t lose. Ever.”
“Whoooaaaa,” she breathes, obviously impressed. “You must eat a lot of veggies. I don’t like them, but mommy says they make you big and strong.”
“Your mom is right,” he agrees and looks her over. “You’re a very smart little girl. How old are you again? Like 15?”
“No, I’m four!” She giggles and lifts up four fingers. “But, I’ll be five on May 19th!”
His gaze softens. “Your birthday is in May?” She nods, happily. His smile is warm, emotional. “So is mine.”
You still for a moment. You hadn’t even thought about that, that her birthday was just days away from his. There’s something strangely sweet and moving about this fact, both to you and definitely to him.
“Really?”
And that’s how it plays out for the rest of the day, a combination of Callie’s incessant questions, intermittent viewing of Moana and parts of Encanto. Lunch and dinner sprinkled somewhere in between. You’re even able to sneak off to do your lesson planning, Callie more than fine with just Joe to entertain her.
It warms your heart to see them connect almost instantaneously.
It’s why you wait as long as you can to interrupt, never wanting to do so, to invade their moment. But, you also know your daughter, know that she needs a certain amount of sleep to function the next day. And when you check in on them and catch her yawning, you know it’s unfortunately that time.
Sighing, you enter the living room with your arms crossed. “Callie Bear, it’s time to start getting ready for bed, mamas.”
“Nooo.” She whines. “I’m not tired.” Her groggy voice and scowl would indicate otherwise.
“Of course, you’re not.” You bend down in front of her and reach for her hand. “Come on, we gotta tell Joe bye. He’s gotta get back to his hotel.” Despite her obvious objections, she climbs off the sofa and accepts your hand but not before looking at him.
“Will you come over again tomorrow?” She asks with hopeful eyes and a voice of excitement, both things that make being honest with her that much harder.
He obviously doesn’t want to give her the truth, but it’s better than the alternative. With a frown, he answers, “I wish….but I’ve gotta get back to work tomorrow, Callie.”
Her smile drops, and sadness arises. “Why? Do you have to go?” Her quiet voice is comprised of disappointment and despondency. You can tell it hurts him. Her hope is dashed, replaced with sadness. “When will you come back?”
“As soon as he can.” You jump in to assist, hating the way he looks so devastated not having a specific date for her. Truth be told, you wouldn’t be surprised if he won’t be able to get away for another few weeks, if not more. “And you know what, you can use my iPad to Facetime him when he’s available anytime you want.”
Her eyes light up. “Really?”
“Of course,” he assures. He reaches to push some hair out of her face. “I’ll call you whenever I can.”
She gives him a small smile. “You promise?”
Joe swallows. “I promise, sweetheart.”
Pleased and obviously ecstatic at this information, she surprises the both of you by tearing her hand from you to throw her little arms around him for an unexpected hug. You’re not sure why, but the sight makes your eyes water. His eyes close as he gently wraps his arms around her as well. You look away, almost uncomfortable interrupting this moment between the two of them.
When she pulls away, you swear you see disappointment reappear in his eyes. “Bye, Joe.”
She returns to your side, and you gently direct her, “go put on your jammies and pick out a book. I’ll be right there in a few minutes, okay?”
“Okay, mommy.” Without protest, she turns and heads back to her room. When it’s just the two of you, you turn to him, “she really likes you.” It feels silly saying such a thing. He’s her father. She should like him. She should love him.
But you also know better than anyone that being someone’s biological parent doesn’t automatically make them a parent.
“That’s why you didn’t tell her, isn’t it? You want to gain her friendship first.” In watching and participating in the interaction between them, it dawned on you just why he didn’t tell her right away. Joe wanted to first establish a baseline with Callie, wanted her to get to know him just for him, to bond with him not because he was her dad, but because she wanted to.
And clearly….clearly it worked.
“She’s amazing,” he whispers. You see he’s still caught up in the emotion of it all, meeting his daughter for the first time, connecting with her as quickly and easily as he has.
“She is,” you agree, suddenly remembering why you’d dismissed Callie. “I–I uhh, I have something for you.” Standing back up—your knees were gonna hate you tomorrow—you pull the thumbdrive out of the back pocket of your jeans. He also stands with you. “I was that new mom who was intent on documenting every single thing my kid did, and I’m kinda glad I did now.” You reach and drop it in his open palm. “I got everything on video. Her first word, first time crawling, first time walking….all of it.” Suddenly uncomfortable with his silence, you add on, “I know it’s not the same as being there, but—”
“Thank you.” he interrupts in a quiet voice, immensely grateful to you at this moment. “Thank you, Y/N.”
Emotion seems to be the keyword of the day, because yours are also all over the place, for a variety of reasons. It’s an experience that’s both overwhelming and confusing, but also….nice? You can’t necessarily describe it, but there’s something comforting about Joe having a role in Callie’s life.
But that doesn’t equate with your decision to not tell him about her in the first place, hence why you’re a hot ass, confused mess.
He’s making you feel things again, and you don’t like it.
“I know getting back here won’t be easy, especially with the holidays rolling around. But, whenever you can come, you’re welcome. I mean it.” Thanksgiving is less than 3 weeks away. You’re highly doubtful he’ll be touching down before then. “Christmas is her favorite holiday. I know she’d love to have you here for that.”
“I’ll be back before Christmas and for Christmas.” You don’t know how, but you do know he’s convinced of it, and you don’t put it past him. He seems entirely determined.
“Okay.” You walk him to the door, unsure why your bodies being so close to each other is an uncomfortable yet pleasing feeling. “Oh,” you suddenly remember something. “You need to make a Snapchat account.”
He scowls almost instantly. “A what?” A small laugh escapes you at his instant disgust. “I’m too old for that shit.”
“We both are, but it’s an easy way for me to share Callie and all her randomness with people. Make it and send me the username. I’ll add you.” It seems all it takes is for you to mention Callie, and he’s sold. He nods in agreement, all distaste washed away with the eagerness of receiving photos and videos of Callie on the regular. You keep your hand on the door, chewing on your lip, murmuring, “Goodnight, Joe.”
He gives you a look, something unspoken in his eyes. “Goodnight, Y/N.”
Closing the door behind you, you lock it and take a deep breath, unsure why your stomach is in knots. Not from anxiety or fear but happiness.
You’re happy to have Joe back in your life, even with all of the bullshit that’s transpired in this single day. There’s something relieving about having him around, and you know it’s for Callie. It needs to be just for Callie, because what you can never do again is allow yourself to fall back into that situation.
No matter how badly your heart and your head are clashing right now.
No matter how much you're starting to wonder if your heart ever really left that situation.
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You wake up to see your girlfriend Chaeyeon cooking breakfast in the kitchen in nothing but her panties and your t-shirt from last night. You go up to her and start groping her tits and ass and planting kisses all over her neck, which she accepts with sweet moans. However, Chaeyeon suddenly appears behind you and you realize you’ve been groping her sister Chaeryeong this entire time.
[Honestly I had two requests with the Chae sisters, but I was in the mood for this one. However I will write the other one too, because, once again, it's such a nice plot]
You love Chaeyeon, with all your heart, but it was so tough to be her boyfriend during her promotion days with Iz*One, you had so little time to see each other, and even less to have a proper fuck.
You couldn't be too rough or mark her, she would have not had the time to recover, so secretly you were kinda happy when her contract finished and she started promoting as soloists. Now you have way more time to fuck as rabbits.
At your home, at her house, even at her parents house, just like last night. You clearly remember how much you made her moan just few hours earlier, fucking her until her legs were trembling. Too bad she was not next to you when you woke up.
You wonder where she was, but smelling the sweet perfume of something getting baked in the kitchen and hearing someone softly humming in the same kitchen, you immediately solved the mistery. So you got up to reach her.
She was so hot: her hair covering just part of her sexy back, your t-shirt hugging her skin, her fat ass barely covered by her panty, making that cheeks jiggle while she was busy cooking. You couldn't resist.
You silently sneaked inside that loose shirt your hands, groping her perky tits. You rubbed your morning wood against her booty, while leaving soft kisses all over her neck. The poor girl could only moan in response to that type of good morning.
No, actually, she gave you another type of response: she pushed her hips back, pressing her ass against your hard-on. She was really liking those morning attentions and you were about to give her more.
You pulled down her panty, aligned your tip with her entrance and... "What the fuck do you think you're doing?", a familiar voice shouted behind you. You turned your head, already thinking about what excuse tell to your girlfriend mother.
For sure you didn't expect that the voice was hers. "Chaeyeon?", you asked, more confused to her. "Yeah, motherfucker, it's me", she stomped till your position. You looked back, just to meet Chaeryoung needy and lustful eyes.
No way you got them confused, but fuck if they were the same from behind, especially now that both had their natural hair color. "Chae, wait...I can explain", you tried to calm her down, but she was furious.
"I don't give a shit about your reasons!", she shouted again; it was a matter of time before she would start to slap you. However someone avoided that. "Sis, I know you're mad...but let him fuck me. I really need a stress reliever after finishing the world tour", Chaeryoung begged her older sister, biting her lip and already leaking juices from her pussy.
"Oh, for fuck sake...fine! But be quick, asshole", she accepted, rolling her eyes back in annoyance, before basically pushing you forward enough to make you penetrate her little sister with your hard cock.
"So freaking big", Chaery moaned, feeling your girth stretching her hole suddendly. She was so tight, she was already clenching around your cock. She really needed that fuck, so you couldn't refuse to satisfy her.
You were roughly fucking Chaer pussy against the stove, when you catched up your gf expression: she was still mad, but you could tell she was getting excited, probably reliving the memory from the last night.
It was your occasion to save yourself from her anger, so you pulled her in a kiss out of nowhere. Initially she tried to push back, but after few moments she melted against your lips, maybe because in the meanwhile your fingers started to play with her pussy.
It would have been kinda a romantic scene if it was not for her little sister obscene moans. "Fucking hell, this dick is driving me crazy", she mumbled, drooling, while her pussy was being completely ravaged.
When Chaeyeon parted her lips from yours her expression was completely different: she had puppy eyes and a tender smile. "Please fill my baby sister well", she requested you, caressing your heavy balls.
That was enough to make you burst, shooting so much cum inside the Itzy member that when you pulled out, it immediately started to go down her thighs. "You have not finished yet", Chaeyeon took your attention, going to lay on the kitchen table with her legs open.
"It's my turn now, daddy", she purred, biting her tongue. Age was not really a thing between you two, but she knew that word really could bring out the beast inside you. And this time worked too.
You grabbed her legs, using them as leverage to thrust inside her pussy. Your cock was still dirty of your own cum and Chaeyoung juices when you started to pound inside her warm pussy. It didn't matter how many times you fucked her, that hole seemed created just for your shaft.
"That's it, Daddy, give me the bis of yesterday", she said, breathing with fatigue because of the strenght of your thrust, removing all the oxygen from her chest. "I swear I can't be mad with that huge cock of yours", she confessed, while her tits were jiggling with her body being used so roughly.
"Fill me too, Daddy, I'm craving your warm load so badly", she begged, spasming on the table; now at every thrusts, you were hitting always a deeper spot, making her breath hitch. Now it was her turn to pull you in a passionate kiss, putting her legs around your waist.
"Cum, cum, Daddy, cum inside me", she repeated against your lips, making your hips gain speed until you reached your climax again, filling your girlfriend with your sticky seed, directed to her womb.
You seated on a chair, closing your eyes and catching your breath. After two rounds so intense, you needed a pause so bad, but the two sisters didn't agree with you. You opened your eyes wide, feeling a couple of tongue licking your dick.
"Let us help you to get clean, Daddy", Chaeyeon told you, already working on your member. "Yes, daddy, allow us to clean this great cock", Chaeyoung echoed, moving her tongue with a slow movement from the base to the tip.
You couldn't believe to have these gorgeous sisters, almost naked and on the their, whorshipping your cock, while their used pussy were leaking your cum on the pavement.
It was too much for your brain, both the visual and the feeling touch was too difficult to handle. You tried to resist as long as you can, but in the hand you couldn't help to cover with your white semen the faces of these two sluts, now calling you Daddy and sucking your balls.
#kpop smut#kpop thoughts#girl group smut#kpop x male reader#girl groups x male reader#itzy x male reader#itzy chaeryeong#itzy smut#chaeryoung x male reader#chaeryoung smut#chaeyeon smut#izone chaeyeon#izone smut#izone x male reader#chaeyeon x male reader
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I hear you're in need of ideas ! I won't be offended if you're not inspired by my ask , we love creative choice here !! So I have a bit of an aversion to the smell of weed because ✨ trauma ✨ I have nothing against it or anything. But I was thinking maybe just something a little angsty with a happy ending about how Eddie would react and deal with that as your boyfriend. Lots of love 💕
This is such an interesting request, so I am more than happy to fulfill it!
Eddie x gender neutral!reader
cw: mention of weed, hurt/comfort
Not proofread!
As soon as you started dating Eddie, you were quick to let him know about your aversion to the smell of weed. With him smoking it all of the time and always having it on hand because he sold the stuff, you felt like it was important for him to know. Just like always, he was so accommodating, making sure to shower after he smoked or made a deal. He insisted that it wasn’t a big deal but you weren’t so sure.
And to Eddie, it really wasn’t a big deal. He would do whatever he could to make you happy and that included a little shower before coming to see you after he handled the stuff. He really didn’t mind and an extra shower here and there really didn’t hurt.
But despite his reassurance, you still felt bad. That was one of the few things that calmed him down and now he had to take a few extra steps to make sure he didn’t smell like the stuff before he could come see you. You didn’t think it was fair.
One night after his shower, Eddie snuck into your room, smelling like nothing but the shampoo you had bought him, his hair still damp, signifying that he hadn’t showered that long ago. He pushed you down onto your bed eagerly and threw himself on top of you before pressing kisses to your lips, but you weren’t in the mood for once.
You turned your head and he leaned up, turning your face back to him so he could see it. He wanted to know what was wrong. You had never looked so uncomfortable around him. Eddie was always your safe space. The person you could come to with anything about now you were looking at him with a pained expression that he had never seen before.
“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours, hm?”
“Nothing,” you shook your head and normally, Eddie would have left it at that, but this was clearly bothering you so he had to get to the bottom of it.
“You can tell me. Whatever it is, I won’t be mad.”
“Promise?” You put your pinky out.
“Promise,” he replied with a nod and hooked his pinky around yours before giving it a shake.
“Well, I just-I feel really bad that you have to shower all the time after smoking or doing a deal. It’s just an extra step you shouldn’t have to take and I feel awful that you keep having to do it for me.” Your words came out so fast that Eddie almost didn’t understand what you were saying.
“I mean, I know you do it because you care about me, but I feel like I’m being selfish. What if-what if we just took a break?” That was not at all where he thought the conversation was going to go and there was no way that he was letting you break up with him. The only way the two of you would be apart was if one of you passed away. He was never letting you go as long as he lived.
“Woah,” he rested his hands on your shoulders. “Let’s not take drastic measures, hon. We’re not taking a break, okay? I know you feel guilty, but you don’t have to, baby. I really don’t mind showering before I come see you. I like using that nice shampoo you got me and like to make my hair look nice before I come and see my girl,” he smiled. “You’re not being selfish at all. I like doing stuff for you and making sure that you’re taken care of. And if that means taking a few extra showers every week, then so be it. I love you and I want to be with you for as long as I can.”
“You love me?” Your face lit up at the words. He had never said them to you before and now you knew that you were just being silly. Of course he wasn’t mad at you. Eddie couldn’t have been mad at you if he tried.
“So damn much,” he sighed.
“I love you too.”
“Now give me some sugar, sugar. Daddy needs a kiss.” He puckered his lips and you just shoved him away.
“Ew, not if you keep calling yourself that,” you laughed but gave him a kiss anyway, so grateful to have him in your life. Someone who would love you unconditionally even if you were acting irrationally. Someone who would love you until his very last breath.
#stranger things#eddie munson#eddie munson x reader#eddie x y/n#eddie munson x you#eddie munson smut#eddie munson fluff#eddie munson x gender neutral reader#eddie munson hurt/comfort
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the way i loved you
about: you and jack hughes broke up and you decided to go for his friend, trevor zegras, but you seem to miss jack and the dynamic of your relationship (this will be based on the song the way i loved you by taylor swift)
authors note: i’m on a writing spree right now
you were meeting trevor’s family and you honestly loved them. you got along really well with his parents and siblings. especially with his sister, she was really cool. but all you could think about during dinner was your ex-boyfriend’s family. the hughes’s.
you missed jack’s older brother quinn’s sarcastic comments and you missed his younger brother luke’s laughter. you miss his mom’s cooking and his father’s dad jokes. you missed jack’s hugs and kisses and comfort. you miss the way he made you feel, good and bad.
you did enjoy meeting the zegras’ sans being with trevor, but you knew who your heart really belonged to.
after helping his mother clean up from dinner, he took you upstairs to give you a tour of his childhood room.
“wow, trev, you really love models in bikini’s.” you nodded as you looked at the posters around his room.
you also saw a lot of hockey posters on the walls.
“you bet i do.”
you have him a small smile and sat down on his bed.
he sat down beside you and flashed you a smile. “i’m really glad you got to meet my family.”
you nodded and swallowed. “yeah. me too.”
it wasn’t a complete and total lie. you did enjoy meeting them, but you didn’t feel like yourself. you felt out of place.
he leaned in and kissed you. you kissed back and the two of you began making out until you pulled away.
“stop.”
“what?”
“i can’t do this, trevor. i’m sorry.” you said and stood up.
“what’s wrong? did i do something?” he asked.
you shook your head. “no, you didn’t do anything. it’s me. i know that sounds cliché, but it’s true. i…i don’t feel for you what i felt for jack. of course, jack and i weren’t perfect, but that’s what i liked about it. being with you is just too perfect and i don’t belong with you. i belong with jack. i’m sorry.”
trevor swallowed and looked down beside looking back up at you.
“it’s okay. i could tell at dinner that something was going on. you weren’t enjoying yourself. if you do really love him, though, i say go to him. i can do as much as i can to force you to stay here with me, but as much as i try to do that, it’s not going to work, so go. go to him.” trevor responded.
“thank you, trevor. i’m really sorry.” you apologized to him.
“it’s okay, really.”
you nodded and gave him a hug before going downstairs to say goodbye to his family.
you went out to your car and drove to jack’s family’s house as soon as you could.
you rang the doorbell and knocked until it opened to reveal jack’s mother ellen.
“oh my. y/n, dear, what’re you doing here?” ellen questioned.
“i’m here for jack.” you replied.
“y/n’s here?” a voice called.
it was luke’s.
he came over and smiled. “yo, y/n! long time no see! how ya been?”
“um, okay. i’m here to see jack i really need to talk to him.” you answered.
“you need to talk to me about what?”
he walked closer to the door until he was standing next to ellen.
“can i come in and i’ll tell you?” you raised your eyebrows.
ellen looked to him and he nodded.
“sure.”
she let you inside and he took you to his old bedroom to talk. his was decorated differently than trevor’s. less models on the walls.
“what did you need to talk to me about?” jack asked.
“us. i miss you. the way things ended sucked, but that’s what i love. no matter how bad things get, we can always be there for each other. i’m right here, right now to try to get you back because i love you and no one, not even trevor, makes me as happy as you do. if you don’t want me back, that’s okay too, but—.”
the brunette boy cut you off by kissing you.
you kissed back and practically melted into it.
after about thrifty seconds of kissing, the two of you pulled away.
“of course you have me back. i love you too.”
you smiled and kissed him again.
there was clapping heard from outside of the door.
“yeah!” luke exclaimed.
quinn nodded in approval. “nice.”
you blushed and tried not to laugh and jack shook his head.
you didn’t care that the boys were watching, though. you were happy that you were back with jack and that’s all that mattered.
#imagines#the hughes brothers#jack hughes#luke hughes#quinn hughes#vancouver canucks#new jersey devils#hockey#hockey boys#hockey imagines#jack hughes imagine#trevor zegras#anaheim ducks
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I'm No O’Driscoll!
Chapter Three: Arthur's Doubts
Tags: Arthur Morgan x Femreader, enemies to lovers, O'Driscoll reader, game plot, Arthur doesn't have tuberculosis, eventual smut, age difference, 18+, mild gore
Word Count: 975
A/N: Sorry for a short chapter! Next chapter is going to be a long one...Lenny, Arthur, and Reader get drunk in Valantine! Comment how you want that to go! I've also changed the layout to see which is preferred.
Chapter One
Arthur was starting to have doubts about letting both O’Driscoll’s join the gang. On the ride back to camp, he couldn’t stop thinking about the possibility of them gunning down those there. Especially her. Where did she learn to shoot like that? She’s too quick.
Luckily, when he arrived, the place was calm and peaceful…or as peaceful as it could be. He scanned for the new members: Kieran was getting some soup from a not so happy Pearson, and then he finally saw her. It was clear the first thing she did as a free woman was have a wash and brush her hair.
Arthur couldn’t deny that she was definitely pretty, but her sour attitude, O’Driscoll past, and constant scowl made him hate her so much that he could look past how beautiful she was. However, when he watched from afar, he saw how she interacted with Mary-Beth: Her eyes were soft, her mouth curled up slightly at the corners, and she was even laughing lightly at times.
For some reason, this only annoyed him further. He strode over towards the two women who were sat on a blanket, looking up at him.
“You behavin’ yourself?” He asked, and there it was. Her famous scowl.
“You’re not going to give me a minute’s peace, are you?”
Now that he was closer, he could see had to look through her long lashes, and she had a small scar along her neck like Javier. Mary-Beth coughed.
“Is there something you need, Arthur?”
He shook his head, “Oh no, I was just making sure our new friend wasn’t giving you any trouble. God knows she gives it out a lot.” The woman shook her head to disagree, putting her book down.
“Not at all! She’s actually pleasant company.”
It was Y/n’s turn to talk, “I’m right here. Which, for your information, I’m a delight when I actually like the person. But, for a strange reason, I don’t like big dumb grunts who shoot me!”
Arthur rolled his eyes, “Give it a rest woman. You’re gonna have to get over that one day.”
The wind picked up slightly, making Y/n’s hair flow a little, and he was looking a bit too intently by accident. Mary-Beth stood up suddenly, causing the other two to turn to her. She excused herself, explaining she had chores to attend to, and scampered off. Arthur and Y/n stayed in awkward silence for a few seconds before she finally spoke up.
“Are you going to stand there or say something?”
He narrowed his eyes, staying stood because sitting next to her seemed too friendly, but the awkward pose of her sat looking up at him while he stood above her was just as bad.
“I’m just here to warn you that if you try anything- “
“Oh, give it a rest old man,” She spat as his eyes widened.
“Old man? You gotta be kidding, old man?”
Y/n laughed, tilting her head back slightly at his response. She stood up, dusting off her jeans. Despite being stood up now, she still had to look up. Tiny thing, she is. He asked, “And how old are you exactly?”
“Why? You interested?” She teased… flirted? He couldn’t tell, but he didn’t like either option.
He scowled at her, “Don’t be so cocky, girl. I’m askin’ ‘cos you’re acting like I’m as old as Hosea.”
“I’m in my early twenties, that’s all you’re getting.” She informed him, and for some reason, his stomach dropped. Arthur should’ve guessed she was young, she didn’t look older than thirty, but it still shocked him. Then she asked the same question. He chuckled lightly, looking away from her.
“I’m in my mid-thirties, old enough to be your Daddy.”
“Well, you don’t look a day over fifty.” She smiled sickly, enjoying tormenting the older man.
“Real mature of you.” He scoffed, before turning around without a goodbye. He couldn’t stand talking to her much longer; every single sentence she threw his way only jabbed him more and more, which would cause him to snap eventually. He found himself at Dutch’s tent, who was sat smoking a cigar and lost in thought. When he saw Arthur, his face lit up.
“Arthur! And to what do I owe the pleasure?” He took another puff.
“I just came to talk to you about that O’Driscoll girl.”
Dutch sat up straight, concern on his face, “Is she causing trouble?”
“Not exactly,” He rubbed the back of his neck, “It’s about her aim. When we were at Six Point, I was about to get shot, but she saved me. Put a bullet right between the man’s eyebrows. In seconds. That ain’t normal.”
The music was blaring from inside the tent like it usually did at this time, and Arthur could hear the rest of the members shouting and laughing. It almost drowned Dutch out.
“Where are you going with this, son?” The leader asked. Arthur paused, rubbing his chin.
“My point is, I don’t think she’ll cause trouble, but keep an eye on the guns around here.”
Dutch leaned back into his chair, a smug smile tugging at his lips.
“Or, we could use her to our advantage.” He was already planning something, a new chess piece for his board. Arthur rose an eyebrow and asked, “What you plannin’?”
He nodded his head, thoughts and ideas running through his head, “We are going to get Sean back, having her behind the scenes could be very helpful. Especially in a place like Blackwater.”
“Dutch…” Arthur groaned, “I can’t trust her. She may’ve saved my life, but she probably did it to save her own hide.”
“Well then, sounds like you two need to do a little bonding.” Dutch smirked, taking the final huff of his cigar, as he continued to scheme; much to Arthur’s dismay.
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seven — i have a secret
mess it up — gojo x reader & sukuna x reader
⁀➴ when i told you i’m fine, you were lied to.
when the love of your life falls for someone else, you decide to move on—by pretending to date your best friend, the campus fuckboy.
previous — masterlist — next
word count. 2k
content. profanity, FEELINGS FEELINGS FEELINGS
You met Satoru by chance. Or at least that was what you thought until he confessed three months into your relationship that he’d devised the whole thing.
“You’re not serious,” you said, gaping at your boyfriend. “You couldn’t have planned that.”
The two of you were sitting in his car, seats reclined backwards as you shared a bag of fries and passed a milkshake between one another. The speakers were blaring a hodgepodge playlist the two of you had made, one you’d both added all your favorite songs to with no rhyme or reason that resulted in an eccentric mix of ‘90s rock, rap, and—courtesy of Satoru—Britney Spears’ entire discography.
Things were so much simpler then. Better.
“I planned it all!” he told you, laughing as you continued to stare at him in bewilderment. “I had a massive crush on you, what else was I supposed to do?”
“I dunno,” you gestured frantically, “maybe talk to me like a normal person?”
He snorted. “Please.”
“Please what?”
“You wouldn’t have given me the time of day!”
You gasped in faux shock. “I totally would’ve!”
He pointed the fry he was holding at you in wild accusation. “You turned down everyone who asked you out,” he said, all matter-of-factly. “Desperate times call for desperate measures, princess.”
You shook your head, grinning now as your boyfriend stuffed a handful of fries in his mouth. He’s such a boy, you thought.
“Let me get this straight,” you said as you sat up, placing your hands on your lap. “You took a class that isn’t even in your curriculum, purposely bumped into me after a game, proceeded to tutor me for a whole month just to ask me out?”
He shrugged, beaming proudly at his apparent job well-done. “What can I say? I’m a mastermind.”
You tossed a fry at him as you laughed. “You’re unbelievable.”
“I believe ‘amazing’ is the right term,” he said, sitting up now too. He leaned in towards you and brushed a strand of hair from your eye. Quietly, he added, “And you were totally worth it.”
His lips met yours and you swore that if you died right then and there, you’d have died happy.
What a shame it all had to end.
Your neighborhood is safe. Well, that’s what you tell yourself when you go rogue—against all of Maki and Nobara’s insistence and all your empty promises—and decide to go on a run in the dead of night.
You don’t usually take this kind of risk, resorting to early morning jogs before class or training, but you couldn’t sleep anyway and the tournament is coming up soon. You’ve never been one to half-ass anything, so you have no intentions of half-assing this. Safety be damned. You’ll run if you want to run.
The streets are still as you make your way around the block. You circle the park, the cluster of houses, the apartment buildings. There’s a convenience store that’s still open—you wonder what it’s like to work there, to tend to an empty shop. Maybe it isn’t so bad a life. Maybe you wouldn’t mind winding down in your old age and owning a 24/7 convenience store. Maybe you’ll have grandchildren by then, but that would require children and you don’t necessarily want to think about that just yet.
You distract yourself with the different sights, the mindless thoughts, the grocery list of things you need to buy the next day—anything to not think about the fact that you’re absolutely exhausted and could pass out at any point in your run.
You haven’t slept much since that brief reprieve afforded by Sukuna’s company a few days ago. You’ve gone to classes, dutifully attended meetings for your organizations, religiously beat your body into perfection in training. At this point, you’re just running on auto-pilot.
You wonder when this will ever end.
You circle back to the convenience store and your foot—so tired, so susceptible to minor inconveniences now—catches on a stone on the ground. At least you have enough foresight to land your ass.
It’s then that everything crashes down on you. You can do nothing now but sit on the ground and wearily massage your legs as you wait for the last bit of strength to return to you, just enough to make you get up and walk home. You just sit there, on the pavement of a dark street, fully aware that it’s probably not a good idea but also fully aware that you don’t have it in yourself to care.
You pull your phone out of your pocket. There’s a text from Maki asking if you placed the orders for the shirts you’re selling at the children’s rights fundraiser. Right. You forgot to do that. There’s a text from Kento asking if you have notes from that one class the two of you share. An email from Yuki with the details of the tournament. A meme from Sukuna, an image of a clown with the accompanying message “u.”
Then there’s the text you’ve been avoiding.
satoru <3 : can we talk sometime?
You should really change his contact name.
And it’s like the universe hears you. You don’t know if you’ve ever fully bought into the whole “the universe is listening” thing, but you might just become a full-fledged believer, because as soon as you look up from your phone, you find a figure walking through the shadows towards you.
A random straggler maybe? A murder with an axe? One of those zombies that keep chasing you in your dreams?
You know who it is as soon as the first bit of light from the dying street lamp hits his hair.
Satoru.
He’s walking with his hands in his pockets, head hung low like he’s tired or thinking or both. It takes him a while to even register your presence. It’s only after you put your phone away that he looks up, alerted by the slight movement.
His eyes meet yours. Blue piercing straight into you, like he can see your thoughts. Like he can read your mind. You always suspected he could.
“Hi,” he says.
He’s standing a few feet away from you, close enough to take in your weakened form but far enough to run away if you decide to lunge forward and strangle him for whatever reason.
You lift your hand, a tiny wave. “Hey.”
His eyes scan your body, already checking to see what’s happened. He notices your legs spread out on the pavement, the bags under your eyes. You look okay, though, he thinks. Not in any immediate distress.
“What are you doing here?” he asks. His voice is unsure, afraid of entering the realm of familiarity, uncertain if you want him there.
You shrug, “Oh, you know. Just seeing the sights.”
He nods. “Right.”
“You wanna sit with me?”
The question isn’t so much said as it just flies out of you. A natural thing, to pose this question. Akin to asking about the weather, akin to how you used to tell him you loved him. Exactly what was expected, exactly what it should have been.
His answer is just as expected too. “Sure.”
Satoru steps closer and crouches down to sit in front of you. He sits cross-legged, placing his hands on his knees as he looks around hesitantly.
“It’s really late,” he says.
“I know.”
“It gets dodgy here at night.”
“I know.”
“You shouldn’t be out by yourself.”
You crack a smile at that. “I’m not alone now, am I?”
Satoru looks at you incredulously before smiling too. “Maki is so gonna kill you if she hears about this.”
“Then don’t fucking snitch,” you warn him. Your words are harsh, but your tone is light. Easy. “I’m already in hot water with her.”
“What did you do?” he asks. He relaxes a little, placing his hands behind him and leaning back. “Did you lose her sweater again?”
You roll your eyes. “That was one time.”
“Nuh-uh.” He shakes his head. “I remember at least four times you came to me all panicked because you didn’t know where it was.”
“To be fair, half of those times I was just looking for an excuse to talk to you.”
He raises a brow. “You’re kidding.”
“Not,” you tell him. “You’re not the only one who made shit up to talk to their crush.”
The two of you laugh, remembering that horrifying period of time before you got together and routinely embarrassed yourselves for one another.
You know this whole thing, laughing on the street with the boy you broke up with less than a month ago, should feel wrong, at the very least awkward. But it doesn’t. When you look at Satoru, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he smiles, you can’t help but remember just how much he meant to you. Maybe just how much he’ll always mean to you.
Satoru shuffles closer and says in a low conspiratorial tone, “I have a secret.”
You pretend to look around, check to see if anyone is listening. Then, you ask him, “What?”
He moves closer until his face is just inches away from yours. And he says the words you already knew he was going to say.
“I miss you.”
You let out a breath.
“I miss you too.”
You both lean forward, close enough to feel his breath on your lips, but not enough to touch his. His hand reaches for yours and squeezes it, holds it to his chest. There’s comfort to his touch, a familiar warmth. One that you’ve loved for a while now.
“‘Toru,” you say quietly.
“Yeah?”
You wonder if he can hear your heart pounding through your chest. You suspect that you can hear his.
“We can’t do this.”
His eyes flicker to your lips. You can almost read his mind. Why can’t we?
But he pulls back and so do you. He lets go of your hand, nodding as he takes his warmth away with him. There’s disappointment in his expression, but also a deep understanding. A deep knowledge that this isn’t right. You can’t do this.
You wring your hands and turn your gaze to a receipt on the ground. It lists a very specific assortment of things: a pack of cigarettes, a bottle of water, some lube, and a teddy bear. It must be Valentine’s Day somewhere.
“You’re good, right?” you find yourself asking. “With… Kimi.”
Satoru hums. He’s avoiding your eyes too, lost his footing in this whole interaction just like you. “Yeah, we’re good,” he says, words leaving a pit in your stomach that you try to ignore. “And you’re good with him?”
There’s a venom in the way he says the last word. As if he means to say, you’re good with him—him of all people. The scourge of the earth, that’s probably all Satoru can think about when he even considers the idea of Sukuna.
You nod. “We’re good too.”
Satoru’s eyes search yours and you do your best to hide the fact that you’re lying. You already know what he wants to see. He wants to see that you’re miserable without him.
That you made a mistake.
He doesn’t find what he’s looking for, so he just clears his throat, looks away, and says, “Good.”
You pull your legs up to your chest and wrap your arms around them. Suddenly, this whole thing feels like the kind of wrong it always was.
“You should go,” you say.
Satoru shakes his head, standing up and dragging you up with him. “I’m taking you home.”
“Satoru, it’s fine—”
But he won’t hear it. He’s already holding your hand and pulling you in the direction of your apartment building. As much as you want to, you don’t necessarily have the strength to argue with him, so you let him lead the way, one painful step after another.
When you get to the front of the building, Satoru drops your hand and motions for you to head inside. “Get some sleep.”
You turn to the door, then you hesitate, looking back at him. “Satoru.”
“Yeah?” His voice is soft, like he’s worried it might scare you away.
“I’m sorry,” you say.
His eyes widen just a bit as he tilts his head. “For what?”
You swallow. “For everything.”
You don’t expect him to smile, but he does. It’s all gentle and sweet. It’s exactly the way he’s always looked at you. The way he probably always will.
“You have nothing to be sorry for, princess,” he says. “It’s just the way things are.”
notes. if there’s one thing i know about me when i’m writing my love triangle fics, it’s that i refuse to let either side go down without a fight 😌
ALSO FINAL REMINDER THAT THIS SERIES HAS SMUT, so minors sincerely fuck off please, i'm not responsible for what you consume online.
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If you’re so smart, then why are you dead?
To start, heres a list of scientists that some characters were named after:
Lisa Meitner (physicist, bad bitch)
Otto Hahn (physicist)
Kurt Gödel (mathematician) (shawn was sort of correct with the pronunciation)
Robert Goddard (physicist)
William Shockley (racist)
I thought this was an accident because James seems to snicker after but apparently it was planned by Dulé’s stand in Gyle (Gile?)
Gus really should have known this was Avogadros number if he took any kind of chemistry.
Were they originally going to have Shawns mom a cop too and thats why he said he was born with “an extra normal amount [of paranormalevolance]. Two cops to be exact.” I have a vague memory of someone mentioning it on a commentary.
I wish they had let Juliet have a little more participation in the solve and therefore the victory. Or better yet, gave her a separate case to solve on her own so we saw her really get a win under her belt. She could still ask Shawn for advice, or maybe while he’s doing his whole psychic episode bit to give her a clue she solves it without him, and Shawns left standing impressed. But also, you’re telling me that she wasn’t the primary when she went undercover at the sorority??
The way Dulé says “i never got carsick a day in my life!” ABSOLUTELY SENDS ME
But what really made the Gusters keep him from going? Was it just their overprotectiveness? Was shawn really his only friend? Are they still trying to protect him from the truth?
Somehow i got it in my brain that Shawn was responsible for Gus not getting in. I think i headcanoned that so hard i made it feel true lol i thought Shawn knew the whole time (i mean he must have seen Gus practicing and being extra anxious about something) and he somehow convinced his parents that Gus wouldn’t have been happy there. maybe part of that was true, but little Shawn just didn’t want him to go.
Either way, if the Gusters were actually concerned about quality of life, then they chose Gus’s happiness over his success which is such a juxtaposition to Shawn and his dad.
Or maybe they visited the school and saw a kid getting shocked and said fuck that.
Here’s another instance of Gus looking for where he went wrong in life. If only he’d spelt aggiornamento correctly, if only he’d gone to Meitner. Gus seems so unhappy with himself, and theres this underlying narrative happening that Gus might actually be depressed. Like in 9 lives when he’s convincing himself he’s happy, or in down the stretch when Shawn says Gus needed a victory more than him at the moment. This poor guy spent so much of his life being told he would go far, that he could do anything, so when he didn’t, he felt like a failure. And I don’t think that was his parents fault necessarily, i think he put that pressure on himself, simply because it was expected. He was the gifted kid who burned out, and now he’s settled into something safe, reliable, and unfulfilling.
Then you have this chess match with Shawn and Henry and we see Shawn demonstrate his own genius. But the juxtaposition here is that shawns pressure was external. Shawn also had the potential to go far but that ultimately isn’t what he strives for. Shawn just wants to have a good, fun life. Probably because his dad sucked the fun out of everything (let the kid call the knight Dwight, jesus henry).
Sidenote: I’m obsessed with finding this blonde guy in the background now haha
#there shouldve been a certain level of guilt felt that they didn’t save him though :/#shawns mind is an enigma#because he is a genius but its like hes decided thats boring im here for good times and ice cream#and i love him for it#shawn semi predicting that if he grew his hair out long he’d look like a teen and then they gave james a long wig to play himself as a teen#psych#psych tv#psych usa#psych rewatch#shawn spencer#burton guster#shawn and gus#james roday rodriguez#james roday#dulé hill#dule hill#carlton lassiter#juliet o'hara#timothy omundson#maggie lawson
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opinion on the bog ii 🤖🤖🤖
I’ll assume you mean bot and answer accordingly
(Drops art i havent shared and wasnt really planning to. But its appropriate for the things ill talk about yay)
Fun fact i didn’t really have a strong opinion of bots character for a while but then one day i woke up and went “I have an idea for a gjinka” and it caused me to get into their character and now its like my fav gjinka to draw
(Some fun facts about that gjinka design: their head is completely magnetic, and their “hair” is a set of completely removable accessories so their natural state is bald, they can add as much or as little as they want. Also they continue to wear a little pink because i was thinking of the “I can still like chocolate cake” line- they can still like pink too)
I LOVE BOT. Even though i have thoughts and opinions about the iffy nature they were implemented overall i love the concept of a character who was made to be someone else and theyve given me a lot to chew on which i appreciate with a character. What really fascinates me about them is how their interactions with other characters play out so id like to talk more about that⬇️
Their relationship with Cabby was what caused me to create the gjinka design in the first place, and then I found a song that made me think of them and i was like Wow. Bot and cabby’s initial impressions of one another being somewhat at odds due to miscommunication but ultimately other factors (cabby’s disability and bot’s suppression of their fake memory- wow they both have memory issues!) was something that lasted a while but then iii14 saw the end of bot’s assumptions of her being strained when they finally had the chance to actually talk with one another. Bot assumed that Cabby was obsessed with finding a way to explain their existence and identity which they very much felt didn’t need an explanation for who they were, but they realized this is only the way cabby processes the world around her they both place importance on identity both with not knowing their pasts and carving a way for their futures the way they are and they can do it together agh i love ittt
Here my gjinkas of them with an outfit styleswap
One day i kind of started placing suitcase in bots position to cabby though and i just think about their potential relationship primarily now though LMAO but thats unrelated
With fan and test tube I had stronger opinions about how the circumstances/reasons behind creating them weren’t strong enough and it caused both of their characters to backslide from where they were in ii14 but now i like to look at it and take what i can get from it because i like it when characters do bad and questionable things its interesting to analyze why they did something so selfish. In fan’s case he didnt have a strong connection with bow’s death when it happened beyond being a fan of her bc of his low empathy at the time especially he didnt process it as Death, and he believes he knows everything about bow as the number1 fan so now hes the best person for the job, and test tube coldly decides to recreate the image of a person under the idea shes now using her strengths for a good cause, but shes wrong and she has to learn shes wrong. Theyre not bot’s parents- but it’s easiest for them to describe them that way, since they created them, but that’s not quite how their relationship is at all. Bot has no real familial ties with them, and test tube created them with the sold intention of being somebody other than they are, so that’s always going to stick with them and theyre not just a blindly happy family now. Bot is also a grown adult that doesnt just go away they shouldn’t be infantilized so much. They can be friends with fan and test tube because they now recognize them as Bot but honestly theyd prefer keeping a distance when they can because they wish they were made intentionally or were just a person, but they appreciate being created. Its a pretty unique situation
What really fascinates me the most though is the concepts of how they are in relation to Bow, with the concept of being created as a replication of someone who already exists being so terrifying for both involved. In Bot’s perspective, their conscious is being repressed intentionally to continue living someone else’s life who they never even knew and doesnt identify with. And everyone is acting like its fine and okay when theyre the only one who seems to see how scary this is. They just struggle to grasp with their very existence with the only thing to guide them being a paragraph of a character description and to spew references that dont make sense. In BOWS perspective, she was a celebrity and the most popular contestant in the first season of a reality show, and even after dying on it the fans just screamed for her to “come back” though it was impossible. So her likeness kept getting replicated by both the show (doughs inclusion) and fans (bots creation) who both misrepresented her and she could do nothing but watch it play out. Her death was being denied and other people were living her life just because she was popular on a show, it’s terrifying. Terrifying and despair inducing for both of them theyd both have a disdain for one another on an existential degree, and bot finding their identity is freeing for both of them.
Lifetime achievement award made me insane abt this thanks panks
:D ive talked long enough so thanks for reading this far if you made ittt ! More art
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🪷 girl fuck these people I'm really sorry you're getting so many messages bitching about no smut in ch10. Like who even cares? Does a story or chapter have no value if the characters aren't going at it like rabbits and fucking and sucking on each other?
At this point if you're so disappointed about no hanky panky just go read one of those pornhwas where the characters start screwing at the drop of a hat.
I would've loved that chapter with smut or without smut idgaf it doesn't even matter to me (and the same is for most of your readers too, I'm sure of it). We've all stuck around with your work for so long, and we have faith in your direction as well as your decisions regarding the pace of the plot. It's never that serious, especially not to the stage that bozos feel the need to weep in a writer's asks and swamp them with negative messages. Go jack off or play dj with your hello kitty and go to sleep like the rest of us.
Again, no matter what you do with your work it's entirely your choice. Ofc we as readers can have our own takes and how or why we interact with the work can vary, but it shouldn't reach this stage. I've seen this same story of bullying and pestering authors on tumblr too many times with other authors whose work I enjoy, and many have left their blogs because the harassment made them lose interest in writing and sharing their pieces. It's fucking heartbreaking. Pornhub dot com is right there for y'all to be doing entirely too much in the asks of these writers who are already overwhelmed and write and share all this FOR FREE. If you have so many qualms about it pick up that bic and get to writing bitch!
I'm sorry babe take care! We love you🫂
AHHH LILYPAD ANON I APPRECIATE U SM THIS MEANS THE WORLD TO ME 😭😭 you’re always so kind to me i sobs
yeahh sigh :( i was just a bit upset that ppl were already finding fault w a chapter i haven’t even released yet just bc it doesn’t have smut in it 😭😭 like i obviously know by now that i can’t make everyone happy, but it’s not right to subtly pressure me into a certain direction for my story (ik this is a normal thing authors/writers have to deal with, i am just a weakling unfortunately 💀💀 my therapist wld agree)
i know it’s not most of my readers though :”) everyone is so sweet n kind n patient, i just don’t understand the some few that think that just bc they tell me they’re disappointed there’s no smut, that i’m somehow gonna go back to my 80pg dissertation of a chapter n make it 100pgs just to add some for them 😅…like no. what it DOES make me feel is icky n sad
frankly it’s really uncomfortable to make an author feel bad that there’s no explicit sexual content in a story 😅 your horny brainrot is showing. like, i AM def planning to write smut in kickoff, there will be multiple smut scenes to come. but even if i suddenly chose not to include them anymore, that’s my right to do so.
and yes, if they want smut, they can write it themselves. why do i need to be the one to write it for you? i don’t owe anyone anything.
i totally agree w you. honestly, i feel bad sometimes setting these boundaries, but you’re SO RIGHT in that SO many authors leave their platforms bc of hateful asks/pressuring comments etc, i’ve seen it time n time again. bc it’s true that it DOES get to people, especially when creating art is already a very stressful thing. i don’t have to passively tolerate rude strangers on the internet just because i’m trying to protect n pursue my passion
thanks sm for trusting my direction :”) and YES absolutely!! i love it when my readers disagree w character actions or emotions, bc characters have flaws n i’m intentional about those flaws, so it’s exciting to see opinions my readers have, even if they’re in disagreement, because it’s interactive w my work. not that i expect anyone to interact ever. i understand that i post on my own accord, so readers can choose whether to interact on their accord as well.
but something about pressuring me into writing explicit sexual content into a story that i’d like to think is a lot more than just smut, is really disheartening.
- ellie 🐸
#sorry babe i kinda went on a rant here but i just am at my wit’s end#love u n tysm for supporting me as always 🥺💕#🪷 anon#asks#kickoff
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I'm kind of tired.
Like really tired actually.
I don't know what my purpose on this earth is but I feel like a rock tossed into a docile pond. No matter how much of myself I cut off and saw down I don't quite feel like I'm fit for anyones puzzle board. I don't have anyone who wants to be there for me and in that way society scares me but I give so much into the well in which runs dry whenever I reach my poor, child hands down it to scoop up water. I think that any semblance of humanity has been lost for me and I've only now realized that I'm myself or nothing and nothing is so much harder to resist when I've only ever been myself. I realize how fucked I am when laughing dissipates to crying and now I'm the big dumb loud idiot who made someone telling me a joke uncomfortable when I burst into tears mid-giggle. Why am I the way that I am? Was I born this way? A curse I need not remember? Did my own mother hand me off to the doctor with the hatred only a mother could have? Did my dad see me run home off the bus, reaching my chubby little arms up toward him, eyes bright like he was the only person that mattered in the whole world and think that perhaps children can be evil? Did my sister laugh when I turned around, whispering to passerbys about the things I would never become? Lord, I want to say I was meant for something gentle but to yearn for something I've never had is to yearn for something that doesn't exist. Did the spider in the window lose his appetite when I spoke my sorrow to the moon? Why must it rain when I shine and shine when I rain? Why am I so glum? Why have I never been, seen, done, thought, or spoke one right thing since "I'm sorry"? Why is that all I have learned to say? Forever am I overbearing, and forever does it not work for me because my legacy was written on some loud and apparent womans used diner napkin. the remanent of a half-loving relationship stuck between the celery in her teeth as she spoke of forever and children and why don't you ever call me anymore? I've been so good. I've been so good and I only feel rotten. Why must I be the earthworm squashed by a middle-school boy desperately seeking a laugh from his foreboding group of friends? Even the meanest and ugliest of monsters get their happy endings even when the page is turned and away from an ambitious little girls eyes. So why not me? Am I so obsessive over the idea of being good that its made me evil? Am I wrong? Am I evil? Or am I 14 and terribly new to it all? Life I mean.
So yes, I am tired. Awfully tired. Disgustingly tired. Tired of giving and loving and laughing and talking and never getting. Never feeling. Never having. I am tired of everything being so messy and confusing and hurt. I am tired of the bad and the ugly. I am tired of sifting through broken glass to find a diamond I'm not sure exists. I'm tired of puzzling myself into a reality that hasn't wanted me since the moment I barred my off-white, crooked teeth to the sky, cautious. Cautious of nothing as I became the own hand that fed me. I fear this living thing turns good kids mean and soft girls stone. My stone can't hold anymore of the water the well of offering runs dry.
I'm tired of the not knowing, the always giving, the not having.
#i'm just a girl#i'm so tired#i'm sorry#i'm tired#marauders#peter pettigrew#i'm sad#james potter#regulus black#sirius black#remus lupin#the outsiders#marauders era#james fleamont potter#jegulus
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(Ch 114 spoilers) After reading chapter 114 I ran to your blog to see if you made any analysis on it yet. Obviously no pressure at all, take as much time as you need. But we NEED to talk about the fact that Teru 100% does not have a crush on girl Aoi, I know that in the new timeline, the Teru from that world hates girl Aoi but Teru also seems to be very uncomfortable about the fact that he's engaged to his so called crush, Idk about you but I'd be hyped if my crush was miraculously engaged to ME. And he's not even at all sad that his "crush" likes another guy (Akane)
Pretttyyy suspicious...
YES i was thinking ab that
He was BEAMING when he was able to confirm aoi doesnt like him
and his awkward smiling throughout the whole thing too
him questioning why he didn’t want it really gets me though. I mean the ‘i don’t like girls who mope around and act like victims’ doesn’t really sound like teru and he acknowledges that, kind of showing that he doesn't think that’s actually why he didn’t want it, and he was just lying as to not make her think he’s weird.
but why would he lie unless its something bad? Frowned upon even? Hmm wonder what that could be
also the ‘pretend to date around others’ troupe i feel is so hinted it hurts. I mean they literally agreed to act happy in public like bro
also akane next to the ‘im akane-san’s fiance’ almost makes u think he’s talking ab akane
Also this comes to show he knows and acknowledges they like eachother. Like aoi likes him back and he knows this, mentioning akane’s name like a billion times
also the ‘teru-akane-aoi’ love triangle seems to finally take shape, aoi likes akane, akane likes aoi, and teru, who does he like? Since now we KNOW for a FACT he does not like aoi, this matches up almost perfectly with what i had thought was happening, teru seems, in a way, to like akane. I mean theres so much? I would run out of room if i were to recount everything but i have 20+ analysies posted explaining it😭
i feel like the more we progress in the series, the less canon terukane becomes, and the more gay teru is revealed to be.
sneaking this in here but im like PRETTY sure mitsukou is like actually real. I mean its been real but i just ugh
Also
You think maybe mitsuba is the ‘senpai’?
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Daily Check-in: May 20, 2024 🎀
omg it'd almost the end of May, what the heck? I'm so excited, I leave to Colorado for my 8 weeks of work very soon and I can't wait! it's going to be such a cool experience being in a new place for a while!
Monday was a good day. My dad and my boyfriend both think I overdid it on the physical exertion a bit, and I agree. I took a long walk, outside, in 95 degree heat, with no sunscreen. Which is why they said I overdid it because my chest and shoulders are sooooo sunburnt. But Monday was amazing! Started off strong, ended not as strong but still good!
🩷 What I Accomplished:
~13k+ steps for the day
took an hour and a half long walk outside(it was amazing, I loved it, I stayed hydrated ans soaked up all the sunlight and fresh air)
completed a 30 min beginner pilates workout from Move with Nicole
did my morning journaling and gratitude
wrote down a positive quote of the day and read through my journal where I wrote down some things that I want to read daily
read and "annotated" 14 pages of Atomic Habits
took a 20 minute power nap
worked a ~6.5 hour shift
drank at least ~80oz of water (that's pretty good given I used to drink like 20oz a day and wonder why I never felt good)
took my two medications + vitamin D supplement
took a cool shower and washed my hair at the end of the day
went to sleep early!
💞 Good Things That Happened
my friend and a supervisor im close with complimented my appearance in a way that gave me a confidence/motivational boost
my other friend and I decided we're probably getting our nails done together next week
that same friend ^ and I are going to go shopping next week as well
my work is going to schedule me where I can still go to brunch with my dad on Friday!
my man starts his first day of work on Tuesday (I'm so excited for him! It's gonna suck not being able to text him all day, but I'm so proud of him for getting this job and all the progress he's made)
got complimented on how efficient I was at work by the night shift supervisor
ate goods that made me happy without feeling guilty or anxiety about it
💔 What Could've Gone Better
I over ate a bit at night after work and felt kind of bloated and sick when I went to bed. it's okay tho, things happen, and Tuesday is a new day <3
super sunburnt!!!! my chest and shoulders are bright, bright red! and I'm a naturally pretty tan person, so seeing my skin that red, yep, I'm definitely super burnt! need to wear sunscreen and protective clothes when I take a shorter walk on tuesday
I definitely overdid it on that walk. got too overzealous and pushed myself a lot. my legs were hurting so bad by the end of the day and that's not good. as much as I enjoyed the walk, I need to be so much more kinder to and thoughtful of my body. it does a lot for me, and I need to treat it right <3
💗 Stuff For Tuesday
take a shorter walk outside in the morning
read more of Atomic Habits (and annotate)
begin studying Spanish some more (fell off the habit but I have a lesson next Tuesday the 28th, so I need to be prepared!)
do some gentle morning and night skincare (my face is a little red from yesterday but not too bad since I wore a hat during my walk)
do my morning beginner pilates and gratitude journaling (I've already done these as of right now, but I struggled with the so-called "beginner" pilates video from IsaWelly. practice makes perfect, tho so I've got to keep consistent!)
book nail appointments with my friend for next week (hopefully the nail tech/nail salon I go to has availability for her and I to go together! I also need to pick the design i want!)
budget for this upcoming paycheck and what I need to save vs what I'm going to spend (and need to buy)
work a ~5 hour shift
talk to my man over video call at the end of the day to see how work/training went for him (it's his first day of work, but it's a hands on training kind of day for him as well)
💕 Song of The Day: aespa - Supernova
what an absolutely amazing song omg. aespa literally never misses with their music. I almost put Spicy, but I've been obsessed with Supernove since it dropped. I love it so much <3
That's all for Monday, like I said, it was a beautiful start to the week for me! And here's to Tuesday being a good day as well <3 I hope everyone here has a wonderful beginning of their week!
til next time lovelies 🩷
#pink pilates girl#pink pilates princess#self development#wonyoungism#it girl#mental health#self care#that girl#physical health#self love#that girl energy#becoming that girl#pinkcore#pink moodboard#pink blog#pilates aesthetic#pink aesthetic#pink academia#it girl self care#it girl energy#clean girl aesthetic#clean girl#green juice girl#high value woman#spanish studyblr#studyblr#langblr#lifeblr#university student#college student
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Unpopular opinion: Most Gwen fanart looks nothing like her.
Now before I go on a little rant, I want to make it clear that there are LOTS of great and accurate Gwen fanart and tysm to the artists who have made those 🫶🏻 BUT, there are a lot of Gwen fanart that is straight up disgusting.
It’s not usually on Tumblr, but on other apps there tends to be a pattern of really sexual Gwen art.
Take Pinterest for example, yes there are many accurate Gwen fanart(s?), but most of it is just NSFW, or Ai generated. OR both!
And if it isn’t one of those two, then it’s usually inaccurate as hell and looks nothing like her. I couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve seen Gwen fanart excluding her tooth gap, this bugs me the MOST. I know it’s just a small detail but it’s SO CUTE and when artists actually include it in their Gwen art and it makes me so so happy <33
Now about the NSFW fanart, I have seen SO many artists draw Gwen with a massive rear and huge titties, it’s disgusting. She’s literally small chested. I swear half of these Gwen fanarts look like they were made by horny guys or people who specifically draw porn.
Next, the Ai generated ‘art’. I don’t think I need to elaborate on this very much. Ai generated ‘art’ is effortless, and it pisses me off so much when I see people posting it and claiming it as their own. This applies to any Ai character ‘art’, not just Gwen. There is literally no effort involved, you just open some random Ai website and type in a prompt like “Uhh hot Gwen art with big boobs” and boom, you now have your ‘art’. The amount of times I’ve seen Ai generated NSFW ‘art’ of Gwen (or any atsv character atp) is actually concerning, and considering the fact that she’s a minor is even worse. Yeah the sexual art is bad, but when you think about her age- Ew. She’s like 16 leave my girl alone 😭
But again, thanks to all the artists who actually draw Gwen accurately, I love you guys smmmmm auaaushfh
#kys people who draw Gwen sexually fuck you#I hope both sides of ur pillow are warm#atsv#across the spiderverse#spiderman#gwen stacy#ghost spider#spider gwen
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Does that age regression journal Charlie made for everyone actually exist? Because that sounds really helpful honestly. If it’s something you made up for the fix, would you consider posting how to make one irl?
It sadly does not exist. I made it up for a sander sides fic years ago...then never posted it 😅
So I recycled it for this fic because I loved the idea so much. (I still may post that fic someday but it'll be a bit.)
Anyway.
I will absolutely show you how to make one!
To demonstrate, I will use 💜's Jurnal because she's the only one who has a regression journal, lol. She was very nice in letting me use it.
(💜: It's got Patton's emblem on it 🥰)
(For context, we have DID/Osdd and 💜 is one of our headmates that regresses).
(I hope to make more for our other littles, but I just haven't gotten around to it yet.)
(📖: This notebook was actually a gift because it came in a set of baby Yoda notebooks, and our mom didn't want this one, 💜 loved it because she loves Patton on sander sides. And if you don't know what sander sides is, you should 100% binge it. It's on YouTube. Was made by the "story time" vine guy.)
(Anyway we used sticker paper and just printed it out for the notebook. I think it looks pretty cool.)
📝Step 1 is to find a nice notebook and decorate it in a way that makes you happy! (If you decide to use a notebook)
Now, I did this with a pen and some colored pencils ✏️ it's not fancy and it doesn't, need to be either.
If you'd rather type this all up on a computer and put it in a binder, that works too.
However you want to do this is perfect! You can use crayons, pencils, just keep it digitally. Whatever makes you the happiest ✨️
Intro page:
Age range: (💜 wrote 2-5)
Caregiver: (Name of caregiver) (if you don't have one, just don't add this question or you can write "myself" independence!)
Favorites 💕
Favorite color: (💜Wrote Purple)
Favorite show/movie: (💜Sander sides)
Favorite animal: (💜Wrote later, Butterflies and Cats)
Comfort 🧸
Comfort show/Movie: (💜Wrote Sander sides and bluey)
📝Show that helps calm you down or just provides some comfort. This can be different than your favorites or the same.
Comfort book:
📝What book makes you feel comfort? You can also write a fanfic if you want, 💜 did once I added this question to her journal. She may actually need a whole page of her comfort fics. Most are sander sides, and some are Loki, Hamilton, Brooklyn 99, exc. (Mostly SS fics by @childishfluff aka @logical-little-lies here on Tumblr. And @dannyisdone and freepoetrynightmare @agerestorybits onA03, they're great! Check them out! They made us want to start writing fics of our own)
Comfort food/drink (💜Milk, Angel milk)
Comfort idem: (💜Paci, Kitty stuffie, Jasper (a racoon stuffie) )
Add any other questions you want!
📝You can add any other info that might be important for a caregiver to remember or other stuff you want to share just for fun.
Okay now what you actually asked for:
The page in the fic...
Daily checkup 🌻
-Name/Date: (We don't often date things, but it would definitely be important for some)
-I am _ years old today (💜Wrote 5)
📝Just write your little age or ??? If you don't know.
-Today I: (Action, explain your day) (💜Wrote: played with kitties)
📝Explain your day, and probably give yourself more space than I put. Oops.
-I want my caregiver to know: (💜Wrote: I ❤️ U)
📝Great way to tell your cg something that is hard to say outloud. Or just something for fun. If you have no caregiver, feel free to replace this with: "I am feeling: ___ today because:"
You can add any negative emotions to process them.
- I feel _ about today (Good, Bad, Normal) because (give an explanation)
(💜Wrote: Good, because I got to be small)
📝looking at the day and processing any negative feelings or looking back at a happy day, you can smile about later!
-Tomorrow/Next time I want to: (What you hope to do next time you regress) (💜Wrote: Play with dolls)
📝Note for next time if there was something you didn't get to do that you wanted.
-Something bad about the day: (💜Wrote: Feel icky)
-Something good about the day: (💜Wrote: Got to small)
📝Looking at the positives and negatives of the day. It's okay if you can't find something.
If you can't think of something positive, you can write: "I can look forward to better days."
Then, at the bottom, I put a box that asks if the little finished answering the questions.
You can put any sticker or add a check mark ✅️ We just happen to find a yes sticker.
And here is a page of fun recipes for us to remember. 💜 loves to try new kinds of milk.
(Ignore the bad spelling lol)
Some of these I found here and some are on reddit. Just look up "Age regression milk recipes" and they should show up.
📖: There are a lot of really great journal prompts here on Tumblr that you can use as well. I didn't get any of these from tumblr, but I plan on expanding the journal evenentually and may use some I find on here.
Let me know if you guys would be interested in me posting any expansions we make for the journal. I plan on doing it for the fic, so I may post about it anyways.
If you guys decide to use this and post about it on your own blog, plz tag me! I'd love to see it!
Even if it's just a digital one or just a tumblr post. I'd love to see.
@todayimfour @ask-dusty-boy @trophyxtissues2 @abby5577 @im-not-paying-my-taxes @attagirljessy @thatsthat24 @legeufygeuber100 @stormy-is-hyperfixated
#ittybittysinners#ittybittysinnersq&h#age regression journal#age regression prompts#sfw age regression#sander sides agere#hazbin hotel agere#agere journal#agere journal prompts#age regressiom Journal Prompts.#Possum's agere stuff#possum's agere Journal#possum's ramblings
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Can I request your thoughts on Aaron with a very touchy/clingy reader who always likes to be holding onto him? I think after being by himself for years he’d not know how to react at first but he loves it 🥰 I see him growing to almost need that touch himself
Mmmmm yes 🥺🥺🫶🫶
I love this dynamic with my entire heart.
You always want to be touching him. Whether it's just resting your head on his shoulder when you're next to him on the sofa or literally wrapped around him and actually clinging to him. And it's very...different for him. He's not used to it and when you first start dating and being with each other at your separate places you quickly get comfortable with touching him. One time he's standing in the kitchen doing dishes and you walk by him on your way to a cabinet or the refrigerator and as you pass him you brush your hand along his back and he stiffens at first 🥺. You don't notice it. And you don't notice the other times similar things like this happen. But he quickly realises you need to touch him whether it's a conscious thought in your head or not. It doesn't make him uncomfortable but it takes him a bit to get used to it. Because baby is TOUCH STARVED. And it's been so long since he's had this intimacy with anyone. But once he's gotten used to it he doesn't hesitate to do the same things back to you<3. He gives you many random touches and he always relaxes when you touch him randomly instead of tensing up like he did at first. When you first start holding onto him and clinging to him he's a little confused because no one ever did that this much with him "What are you doing?" "I'm holding you? Is that okay?" And he's a little shocked at first but of course he's okay with it! He loves that you want to hold him and be close to him even if it's unusual for him. He's happy to be close and this makes him feel so wanted and loved. And when he's away on a case 🥺 he misses you and your clingy nature so so much. He just wants to be around you and have you all over him. And when he gets to see you once he's home from the case he's grabbing you and holding you because he's missed your touch so badly<3. When he's with you and you aren't touching/clinging to him he instinctively moves closer and initiates touches. Or he just pulls you close to him and you immediately wrap around him and snuggle him 🥰🥰. He loves how touchy and clingy you are because it lets him know you love being close to him and you just love him so much<3
Please I WANT. I want this so so bad. 🥺🫶 Thank you for sending this you made my heart just 💓💕💞. I love Aaron with touchy/clingy reader 🤭❤️. Because it would be me if I had him.
#criminalskies!!#pls i love it so much#aaron wants your touch all the time especially once he is so used to it#when he is all alone in a hotel room on a case he yearns to be held by you to feel you cling to him#he is genuinely a bit sad to gave to go without it when you're not around#so when you're near him he is soaking up all the touches!!#he is more than happy to have you clinging to him like your life depends on it!#this made me so happy to think about and now i need it so bad#aaron hotchner#hotch#aaron hotchner x reader#hotch x reader#aaron hotchner x you#criminal minds#ask#ask answered#hotch asks#aaron hotchner fluff#mon answers 🩷
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we’ve all said it before but ill say it again, sam should have gotten lucifer pregnant and that should have been the jack origin. if she was jessifer at the time, even better <3
#lucifer mommy truthing again hi hii he needs this#it won’t fix him it will make him worse but it’ll be hot to see sam tormented by the pregnant devil#☺️ sam going to attack jessifer and she goes ‘don’t you care about our baby Sam? don’t you want to meet him?’#gets sam to touch her belly and talk to the baby and that’s when Jack does the whole ‘I’m The Perfect Paradise Baby Love Me 🥺🥺’ thing on sam#and now sam can’t kill her or their baby. he can’t. he loves jack too much. perhaps has also been hit with so many nephil happiness rays#that he looks up at lucifer and is like Oh. overwhelmed with sudden love for her. and his heads all mixed up. it’s like the vision where she#made him feel calm x1000 and. and. he loves her? he loves her doesn’t he? he gave her a baby and he loves her?#they’re going to raise their son together? and lucifer is so very pleased as sam presses his ear to her belly to hear jack’s heartbeat.#sam has quite literally been baby trapped. as in that baby set the trap and caught him in it before it was even sentient. mind control baby.#cue the rest of the pregnancy with lovestruck sam doing everything in his power to protect lucifer & jack#he’s like. fully aware he was scared of lucifer. that Lucifer is Bad this baby is Dangerous. but also. he loves them so much.#nothing else seems to matter when he loves them so much.#<3 I think Sam deserves to be mindfucked into being Lucifer’s little househusband for a bit.#oh. there are places this could go after Jack is born uhm uh. i uhm. that’s not the point I won’t say that.#the point is sam getting brainwashed to be happier and protective of pregnant!lucifer. and he IS happier. he’s just also high on good vibes.#😳 lucifer riding sam with his hand on her belly 😳😳😳😳#tw pregnancy#anyway. thoughts.#samifer#lucifer spn#Jess!lucifer#Jack kline#sam winchester
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