#the man he is i need to absorb him idk at this point
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"not all men" so true darius deamonne would never
#have u guys read the agony of the almost im on the brink of insanity. my hair is falling out from how much i need the next chap /pos#the man he is i need to absorb him idk at this point#how do i feel so strongly for a guy from a show i never watched. what the fuck.#toh writers r either struggling wattpad teenagers or the most mouth watering toe curling head bashing prose makers#holding my head. ok give me a sec im normal now#toh#the owl house#darius deamonne#thoughts#yea i dont fucking know
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Coconuts
idk where this came from tbh but I loved how It came out. 95% smut but I know y'all will never complain about that so :p
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WC-4.6k
Warnings- smut, teasing, slight public play If you squint, slight degradation, but lighter compared to our other stuff. Cute
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Y/N could feel his eyes on her as she walked back towards him on the beach, his sunglasses doing little to hide the stare down he was having with her body. She’d known that this bathing suit would probably make him a little handsy, but it had been vastly underestimated how much it would distract him. There was not a single word being absorbed around him and she sort of felt like prey as she made her way to the rented cabana, tummy rumbling with both nerves and anticipation.
“What’s this, darling?” He asked as she flipped her sandals off on the raised wooden platform to avoid the spread of sand the best she could. He’d beaten her out here to set up their towels and made sure the daybed was good to go, as Y/N couldn’t handle another full day in the sun and needed the coverage the cabana would offer. He was being a doting and sweet boyfriend and she’d been planning on making him crazy.
“Hm? Oh, I got us those drinks in the coconuts.” She hummed, handing him one. It was part of the charm, their vacation essential, but he didn’t give the drink a second look before placing it on the little side table offered with the package. A tingle ran up her spine as warm hands grabbed the back of her thighs, urging her to step between his spread thighs while his brows furrowed behind the tinted lenses.
“You know that’s not what m’talking about, love.” He winced slightly at the light as Y/N pushed the glasses up into his hair so she could see his mossy eyes, resting her hand on his warm shoulder before taking a sip from her drink. It was a coconut rum cream type of thing and she knew she was going to be wasted on these, but that was the point. Wasn’t it?
But she was playing coy, tilting her head to the side as she gave him a look. “What do you mean, then?” It was exciting to play games with him. To tease him. Harry was a passionate man with a lot of redeeming qualities, but he was the most fun to tease. To watch him narrow his eyes at her and think about how she was most definitely going to pay for it later. It spiked her adrenaline, heartbeat quickening as his hands moved over her ass and to her hips. His thumbs dug into the dips back there, a deep exhale leaving his mouth and washing over her bare belly, heat pooling between her thighs as he leaned forward to press a chaste kiss right above her belly button.
“This bathing suit. I didn’t see you pack it.” He let her off the hook for playing dumb, rubbing his circles into the dips as he watched the corner of her lip temple as if trying not to smile. “I would remember a little thing like this. Barely fuckin’ there, is it?” His eyes found the tied strings at the sides of her waist. That was dangerous and the entire point. It was a deep red, the smallest thing she’d ever worn in public, and tied behind her neck and at her hips with flimsy strings. It was made to taunt him, make him needier than ever, and a bit of payback from the tiny yellow shorts he loved to wear. He knew just how much she loved his thighs and exactly what it did to her to see them exposed. Knowing what she liked to do on his bare thigh, right over the tattooed tiger.
“Oh, this old thing?” She smiled as innocently as she could. “It’s something from a few years back. I think my chest has gotten bigger since I originally bought it, but that’s not a problem… is it?”
“Actually,” Harry breathed. “It is.” He was quick to pull her into his lap, a squeak leaving her as he gave her a dark look. “Because you know exactly what this was going to do t’me and how it was going to make me feel, and you put it on anyway. You, you can hide when that perfect cunt gets wet and sticky. But me?” He glanced around before pulling her further over his lap so she could feel the growing bulge in his own bathing suit. “Can’t do much without scarring the rest of the people at this beach. You’re causing problems on purpose.” The voice he used was hushed and deep, going straight to her core. Of course it was the goal to get in trouble, but his reaction had been better than she anticipated. He shifted her slightly on his lap, subtly moving her over his length under the guise of adjusting her. “How do you think this is supposed t’get fixed? Want me to go have a wank in the restroom?”
“Nuh-uh.” She grinned. “I told you. I want all of you this trip.” Leaning to the side to place her own drink down, he hissed at the movement of her over his growing prick. “You’re not wasting a drop of you. It’ll get fixed, but m’not gonna rush off the beach before I’ve had my drink.” She shrugged, taking her hand that had been cooled by said drink to hold the side of his neck. There was a lot more satisfaction than she could admit when she saw him shiver at the temperature change. “This is my payback for those stupid yellow shorts you wore yesterday.”
Harry knew she could be vengeful. This cat and mouse game that had been him pursuing her had bled into the relationship and he loved that she liked to tease- but he loved that she was seeking a punishment out of it. “You know what I did in return for that?” He clicked his tongue. “I took you to the dressing area and fingered you until you dripped down my fingers. Had to hold your loud fucking mouth quiet, but I took care of it.” It wasn’t doing much good to think of it, especially considering his current predicament of trying not to get painfully hard, but it was one of his favorite things they’d ever done. Making Y/N melt into a desperate, horny mess had been one of his favorite pleasures in life, but knowing she was too needy to wait had stroked his ego.
The roles reversed, though? He wasn’t too sure. It would be noticeable if she was on her knees in the dressing tents, not just looking like an innocent couple leaving more tents open by changing under the same curtain. Her chest was distracting. It was glistening from the aftermath of freshly applied suncream, her breasts on full display and hanging just the way he liked. This bathing suit was his personal heaven. Or hell. He hadn’t quite decided yet.
“So how are you going to take care of me?”
Y/N knew she had been a little cruel, sure, but she could still feel the slight ache from how he’d fucked her last night. She wanted it again, but harder. He’d been a little soft beforehand and she figured he’d make use out of a little motivation.
“Aw, my poor baby.” She cooed, stroking his jaw as it clenched. “Getting hard for me. Can’t help it when you see my tits, hm? Or is it all of it?” There was a moment she pretended to think while he glared at her. “Probably all. But I’m not extremely cruel, Harry. Just giving you a taste of your own medicine. You failed to mention that you made me wait 3 hours until you took care of me.” It felt longer. “So we’re going to sit on this beach for 2. I’m going to have my drink, read my book, enjoy the warm breeze, and you’re going to sit with me. Then we can go back to the villa and you can do as you please.” She hummed, placing a wet kiss to his forehead before standing up from his lap. A towel was tossed his way, which he failed to catch because he was trying to pull her back into his lap. “Use this to hide yourself.” The smugness she felt was unmatched as she grabbed her book and found her way to the other side of the daybed, laying on her back to start the hardest reading session of her life.
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Harry didn’t make it easy on her. Not that she thought he would, considering she knew both of their histories of being menaces when in the mood, but she hadn’t expected to be so heavily affected by simple touches.
His fingers drew circles over her exposed hip as he spooned her, pretending to read over her shoulder. Quiet breaths puffed over the side of her neck as he nuzzled into her, sponging kisses there like clockwork. It was chaste enough that she couldn’t really scold him for it, but that didn’t mean it didn’t make her throb between her legs. It was her fault, she was torturing her own self with drawn out foreplay. Y/N rarely ever made Harry wait for it- she was far too greedy- so she struggled with holding her guns as she felt his fingers move further down to the bottom of her stomach, thumbing over the top of the little bathing suit bottoms.
It was a miracle she’d survived that far, and despite it only being an hour and 42 minutes, she thinks that it was good enough.
Pushing her into the villa, Harry’s hands rushed to tug the strings off of the suit, starting with the bottoms. “You evil little thing.” He growled against her mouth, pressing her up against the door as the red fabric fell to the ground and his hand slipped between her thighs. “What was the point of that, hm? You like being bad, pissing me off?” Fingers slid between her swollen, soaked folds and coated his skin just the way he knew it would. “Tortured yourself too. Could have just told me you wanted me to fuck you again and we could have spent the day in here.”
Y/N whined as she felt a digit sink into her, leaning further back against the door as he moved it slowly in and out of her. His fingers were thicker than her own, longer, making it much easier for him to reach places she couldn’t when she pleasured herself. His hands had always been a weakness for her, knowing how skilled he was in using them to create both art and pleasure. Coaxing the perfect orgasms from her since he’d met her. “Y-You teased me first.” She huffed, eyes fluttering as his mouth sucked over a part of her jaw that he knew would make her weaken. “What did you expect?”
“I expected you to be a big girl and tell me what you wanted, rather than parade around in this slutty little bathing suit and make me wait two hours before I could do anything about it.” He grumbled, teeth scraping over skin making her whimper. “I expected you to keep me in bed and spread your gorgeous thighs for me and tell me that you’re the neediest little thing, and you want my cock. I would have done it in a heartbeat. Instead, you chose to be a fucking brat. Because if you wanted to work me up, if you wanted me to be frustrated? It worked.” His opposite hand came down on her bare ass, the slap resonating through the villa and sting making her gasp. “What was the end goal?”
His finger was joined by another, making her eyes flutter and her brain slow down a little bit. He knew what he was doing- he always did. “Just wanted you to feel… to feel like I did. You made me wait and…” Her voice trailed off as it bled into a moan, his fingers hooking just so to hit the spot she needed.
“And?” He asked expectantly. “And what, sweetheart. Because I recall taking care of you. Even soaking, no one could tell. But everyone would be able to see my dick if I didn’t have that towel. Is that what you wanted? Wanted everyone to see me?”
“No!” She hissed. “No it’s- It’s mine. I just wanted, I wanted you to feel what I felt.” Her head fell back against the door with a thump, spreading her legs a bit more. Harry knew exactly what he was doing, he knew exactly what to do to make her weak. His quickening fingers and his hand gripping the side of her ass, he was making her see that she was definitely going to pay for it. “You’ve been driving me crazy the whole vacation and I… fuck.” Her words trailed off, the feel of the heel of his hand tapping against her clit with his thrusts making her brain fuzzy.
“You think you haven’t been driving me insane this whole time?” He asked, tone incredulous. “Think I havent been losing my fucking mind watching you walk around in these little bathing suits and sundresses? Think I haven’t had to be mindful of what m’wearing or what we’re doing because all I want to do is bend you over and hike up those dresses or pull down those bottoms and sink right back where I belong?” His voice hissed against her ear as he kissed over the side of neck, the sloppy pecks making her breathing pick up. “Because I have been fucking insane, I’ve been trying to be decent and make sure m’not hogging you in bed and let you go to the beaches and to the shops and to dinner, but I’d be perfectly happy with you in here, with our view of the ocean and you warming my cock.”
Y/N could feel herself getting close. It was hard not to with how worked up she’d gotten trying to tease him, the way he was talking to her, how his fingers always managed to coax the orgasms out of her faster than anyone else- including herself- ever had. “I would have- I would have, I want that, please.” She begged, which Harry knew all too well what that tone of voice meant. She was deliciously close, the slick of her arousal dribbling down his hand and she was just right there-
And he stopped. Y/N whined, tears welling in her eyes as she looked at him in disbelief. He was so generous with her pleasure that she hadn’t been expecting that in the slightest.
“If you hadn’t been a brat, maybe I would have let you.” He took his fingers from her, bringing them up to his mouth and made a show of licking them clean. Running them over his tongue with a soft hum and making a show of it as she scowled. “Mmm, none of that, my angel. You’ll get what you want. Just be patient.” Without another word he lifted her up, making her squeal as she was carried across the place before being deposited in the bed. Seeing as he was shirtless still, it was quick work to get himself naked, shorts kicked off to the side as he crawled up the bed and found her mouth right away.
She could taste herself on his tongue as he kissed her deeply, fingers finding the knots behind her neck to undo the swimsuit. It was quick work to pull the cups down, exposing the soft chest he had been obsessed with since day one. Pulling away with wet lips, he looked down at her exposed breasts, pebbled nipples calling to him as he grabbed under her arms to pull her up on the bed and stayed right where he was. “You know how cruel it is to have these right in front of my face, unable to do a thing?” His hushed words made her nod. She did know, she knew exactly how much he loved her chest and just how crazy it would drive him. “I know you did, pet. You know how much I fucking love your body.” His fingers plucked both nipples, squeezing lightly to make her gasp.
“I’m sorry.” She whispered, feeling the heat throbbing even hotter as she looked at her. There was something in his eyes, the full lust, the desire and hunger that made her feel like the most desired person in the world. Like no one else could compare. Harry had the ability to make her feel as if she was the only one he’d ever had eyes for, the only one he ever would. She wanted to be his forever, hold on to this feeling and let it grow. “I’m sorry, I just wanted you.” Her whine was cute, he thought, but the apology didn’t cut it.
“I don’t think you are, my love. But you will be.” The man’s tongue brushed through the valley between her breasts, tasting the salt of her skin and the ocean air as it moved to the right one. He was getting her wet as he trailed down to her nipple, moving his fingers out of the way so he could do his job.
If you asked Harry if he was an ass or breast man, he’d tell you he was both- but he had a significant soft spot for Y/N’s chest. He’d been obsessed since the first time he saw her, but more so the first time she took her shirt off and let him suck on her. She was so sensitive, the little whimper she let out proving it as her fingers threaded into her hair and she pushed him further into the soft flesh. Hips moving while she tried to grind against his thigh feeling his lips pull more of her nipple into his mouth and sucked on the raised skin.
“Fuck me.” Y/N breathed, Harry’s thigh giving her a bit of mercy as he pressed it against her cunt. It limited how high she could move her hips, but he didn’t stop her from rubbing against him. His lips pulled and sucked, swirling his tongue over the nipple as he groaned against her breast. She could feel his cock against her thigh, feel it leaking over her skin and felt the desperation rising in her stomach to get him inside. She craved it just as much as he did, and had half a mind to demand him to make good on his promise of keeping him tucked inside of her so they could go again and again and again. It was an addiction, how his body made her feel. Desperate and needy, wet and achy, she had the best man to take care of her but he loved to fucking tease. “Inside me, please. I’ll be good, you can do it hard, I just need it. M’empty.”
Harry ignored her, pulling off of her right nipple and switching to her left. This time, though, he kept his eyes open and watched her face scrunch up with pleasure. It was able to be felt smeared all over his thigh as she ground herself against it, making a mess of him before he was even inside of her, but he loved it. Making her this desperate was his favorite thing to do and it wasn’t hard. His girl was sensitive and needy and he took pleasure in making her teary and begging for him. It was his payback.
Y/N mewled as his teeth scraped over the swollen nipple, hips jerking and hands tugging sharply at his hair which only spurred him on further. Sucking harder on the bud and making her keen out loud, hips bucking into the air before he finally released her. If he did too much he could probably make her finish from that, but that was something he wanted to try another day. His dick had been throbbing for hours now, and he wanted some relief.
“Lay on your stomach.” He ordered, watching her scramble to listen. He had gotten his point across and he knew it, a self satisfied smirk coming on his face as he pulled his briefs down and gave himself a few tugs. She laid down just as he said, her cheek to the pillow as she looked back at him with a soft pout on her lips. His sweet girl, desperate for his cock but trying to make it up to him now for being a tease. “Looks like you can listen. I’m so proud of you.” He crooned, kneeling on the bed and finding himself between her spread legs. “Ass up for me, darling girl. Let me see.”
She did as asked again, shuffling her knees so she was spread and tilted up for him. Her cunt was dripping and hot, empty and aching for him to fill her. Her plan had backfired significantly but at the end of the day, all she wanted was his cock. That’s been the goal this whole time. “Please. I need it, H.” She whispered, gripping the white sheets. “Give it to me. I can take it. M’sorry for teasing you.”
“I’m sure you are.” His hand spread her ass open, spitting over her hole and letting it drip down to her swollen clit where he took the tip of his cock and spread it all over her. “You know, I had a plan t’punish you even more, but.. Turns out, I’m fucking weak for this cunt.” He sighed, pushing the head into her and watching it stretch her a little bit. “I’m just as greedy for it. So m’gonna be nice to you and give you what you want, but I’ll remember this later.” His head pulled forward as he sunk deeper in, the hot channel making his brain go a bit fuzzy.
“Fuck, you’ve got perfect pussy, baby.” His tough exterior faded as his hips met her ass, exhaling sharply. “Can’t resist it. Make me a fucking mess every time.” The warm air flowed into their villa through the open door with the sea view, making him pause. Leaning down, he wrapped a hand around her throat and pulled her up to look at it, letting her shaky arms hold herself up as he began to thrust into her welcoming cunt. “Look at where I’ve brought you, baby. Beautiful views, but… This one will always be my favorite.” Lips brushed her ear as the sloppy sound of her soaked cunt being fucked by his prick filled the room. “Seeing you take my cock is my favorite thing. Most beautiful thing in the world, love that you let me own you like this.” His lips pressed against her cheek as she moaned. The firm grip around her throat had her fuzzy, this position making him feel so goddamn deep that she could barely breathe.
“I love it, I love you. Love your cock, love how you make me feel.” She babbled. “Just… Don’t pull out. Please.” Her begging seemed to spur him on, the slap of skin against skin getting louder while he fucked into her. The man was always greedy for her but his sexual frustration was showing, not at all going easy on her. It wasn’t mean, it wasn’t punishment, but pure lust. This was need, and Y/N was happy to be on the receiving end of it.
“M’not going to, baby. Promised you that you could have every drop.” He was nearly purring, breathing a bit heavy but more than satisfied as he fucked into her over and over again. “That’s a lot of love, but m’happy to hear it. Just want to make you happy, make you feel amazing. Don’t have to tease me to have my cock next time… just have to ask me in that pretty voice and give me those gorgeous eyes and I’ll give you anything you want.”
Y/N nodded even though his words sort of went through her. His slight adjustment to his position had him hitting the spot he needed to hit and she was making a fucking mess. She knew she was, hearing the wet sound increasing as he cursed under his breath. It was hard for her not to shudder as she gushed around him, feeling his balls tap against her clit as her watery eyes were forced to look out to the ocean. No words could leave her besides his name and a string of moans. His name was the only important thing, according to her brain.
“Got your cunt all sloppy for me… god, baby… I love you.” He moaned, feeling a little wrecked as he took a glance down to see himself covered in her. Wet and glistening from her how good he was giving it to her, it was another one of his favorite views. “Love my sweet girl and her sweet pussy, m’gonna give it to you over and over… fuck, you’re going to make me cum.” It was hard to keep holding on. Her skin was hot and he could feel he ragged breathing against his palm, her pulse thundering against his fingertips as he worked his prick into her weeping hole. “Never going to stop makin’ love to you, my perfect girl.”
Her orgasm surprised them both. He felt it come on as she whimpered his name, rippling against his cock and squeezing him hard as she shuddered underneath him. Her body fell forwards on the bed and he was done for, releasing her throat to fall on top of her and give a few more sloppy thrusts. A guttural groan left his throat as he buried his face into her neck, feeling his cock pulse and balls tighten as he unloaded inside of her. Keeping himself buried as promised, he ground himself as deep as he could and let it stay deep as his hips twitched, breathing heavy and hot against her skin. “Shit- god.” He croaked, pressing a sloppy stream of kisses from her neck to her cheek. “Fucks sake. Knew I wasn’t going to last a long time but, christ.” A drunken laugh left his throat as she hummed, turning her face with a pout.
“Kissy?” She whispered, lips puckering and effectively making his heart melt. He’d never say no to a kiss from her. It was an immediate wish granted, leaning closer to kiss her but making them both moan as the shift made his cock push further into her. He didn’t break away for a few moments though, pressing sticky pecks to her lips and sighing happily once she laid her cheek back on the pillow.
“Have a really hard time saying no t’you, sweetheart.” He admitted, keeping his face in her neck as he tried to recover.
“Good.” The girl’s voice was still a little shaky. “So you’ll go get me another coconut drink before we go again?”
“Again?” He laughed against her skin, biting down gently to make her yelp. “Fucking minx, my lovely little slut. Course she wants t’go again. I shouldn't have given you the benefit of the doubt. You’re my greedy girl.” Though no one would ever hear Harry complaining about that. His recovery time may need a bit of work if they were going to spend all day here though. “I’m gonna say yes, but only because I want you to lay here and keep my cum inside you.” The man was definitely catching her onto her neediness. “As hot as it is when it drips down your thigh, we don’t want to waste any. So lay here and be pretty for me while I go get you that silly little drink. M’not gonna go as easy next time.”
“Sounds perfect.” The giggle was music to his damn ears. “But don’t forget the cute little umbrella, kay? Need it to be part of the experience.”
#jarofstyles#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles one shot#harry styles fanfic#harry styles smut#harry writing#harry styles imagine#harry drabble#harry styles blurb#harry styles writing#harry styles fluff#harry styles au#harry fluff#harry smut#harry styles one shots#harry styles fic#harry styles fanfics
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01: self-fulfilling prophecy
part two.
pairing : jisung x gn!reader
summary : han jisung, the man who is incapable of maintaining a relationship for more than a few months. han jisung, the man who is in complete denial that maybe he is the problem. han jisung, the man who has convinced himself he isn’t meant for love.
wc : 8.5k
cw : not proof read, nonidol!au, alcohol/drinking, sadness, angst, arguing, cursing, some cute stuff. plz let me know if i missed anything.
a/n : likes, reblogs, and feedback is much appreciated!! not too confident on this one because idk, i feel like the dialogue isn’t well executed, but let me know what you think. please enjoy!
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Jisung didn’t exactly have the best track record when it came to romance. He never did anything exceedingly horrendous, he always remained faithful in each relationship he had, but they never lasted long. He simply didn’t know how to be a good partner, always too focused on his own needs to the point that his selfishness turned into emotional neglect for the other.
It’s not that he didn’t like the people he dated. He genuinely adored them for who they were, yet he always found himself heartbroken and confused at the end of each relationship when they would all voice the same exact reasonings on why they were ending it.
“I just don’t feel like you care about my feelings.”
“It feels like you don’t even like me enough to put in the effort to make this work.”
“I don’t feel like a priority in your life.”
“I swear you forget we’re even in a relationship.”
“You’re too focused on yourself and everything else to even make time for me.”
Like clockwork, a few months would pass by and his partner would sit him down for the break up talk. It was exhausting. He was clueless, not having any idea what he was doing so wrong even though he would always receive a list of reasons each time. In his eyes, he was doing the best he could, but perhaps his best was not enough.
Of course he cared for their feelings! Of course he liked them, he could’ve sworn he was doing his damnedest. Not a priority? That was ridiculous, he always made time to spend with his partner during the week despite his busy schedule. Forget? Nonsense! Too focused on himself? Well, of course he was focused on pursuing his music career which required long hours at the studio, why would he want to be with someone who didn’t support his endeavors? They knew what they were getting into when they met him!
It made zero sense to Jisung. At some point, he had given up on love altogether. Maybe he just wasn’t meant for it, maybe relationships were just not his thing. Clearly, he was doing something wrong and he decided that maybe hook up culture was just where he belonged.
What Jisung failed to realize was that he was forcing his own ideals of a relationship onto his partners. The idea that people had different needs and perceptions on how relationships should function never dawned on him. He never thought to consider what the other person wanted and had simply assumed they would be content with whatever he had to offer.
He forgot that some people needed more reassurance. He forgot some people wanted to go on actual dates, not everyone considered a night in a date, especially if every date was a night in. He forgot that some people didn’t just want to sit in a room with him while he was on his phone or working on his next project. Sometimes people wanted his undivided attention. Sometimes people wanted to be able to hold a conversation with him. Sometimes people needed more communication because quite frankly, three texts a day didn’t quite cut it for most people.
Yet, Jisung was too absorbed in his own world and his passions to even begin to understand that concept. He absolutely refused to believe he was doing something wrong and that he was just dating the wrong people this whole time. He just hadn’t found the one, right?
Despite that foolish belief he stubbornly held onto, it didn’t mean each instance didn’t take a hit on his ego. After the many failed relationships he had been through, the fear of inadequacy and insecurity began to creep into his mind. Was he not worthy of love? Was he incapable of forming a healthy relationship? Was something wrong with him?
He felt that he had so much love to offer in his heart, but he had no idea what it took to be a good partner. He was too tunnel visioned on producing and music to realize that sometimes, love and relationships required a bit of sacrifice, and that was something he refused to do.
Yet, Jisung wanted to fall in love. Like any other human on earth, he craved to love and be loved, to be understood wordlessly by someone else, but it seemed like love didn’t welcome him with open arms. He desperately wanted to feel like he was needed and wanted, to feel the bubbling shyness and giddiness that only love could give him, but somehow, it seemed that he was the victim of a paradox. Love hated him.
However, Jisung had resigned and accepted defeat. He wasn’t cut out for it. Besides, it’s not like anyone would even bother to give him a chance anymore. After a few failed relationships, people were quick to label him as ‘trash’ and a terrible boyfriend, only good for fun, but definitely nothing more. It was almost as if he had a permanent warning label above his head that scared off anyone who had any remote interest in him.
People talked. And if anyone so much expressed any interest in him, someone would leap in to rescue them from a foreseeable heartbreak, telling them he was no good and a waste of time. Oh, but if you wanted a few nights of fun and to just fool around, he was perfect for that, but never, and absolutely under no circumstances, was he someone to settle down with.
He was the only one to blame for his infamy in the dating scene, but Jisung was suffering from a case of extreme delusion and oblivion. Maybe one day he would lose that self-centered immaturity and have a much needed epiphany, but that day seemed far off in the future.
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For the past week, Jisung had holed himself in his studio, insistent on perfecting his latest track by some arbitrary deadline he had set for himself. This was a regular occurrence that his friends had gotten used to. They would be more surprised if this didn’t happen, but this also meant that they had to pay a visit to his studio every few days and force him to take a break for the sake of his mental and physical health.
Today was one of those days in which Minho came knocking at his door after unlocking the door with the passcode Jisung had given him long ago, reminding him to come by his place later that night for a small party to celebrate his dance troop’s recent competition win. While Jisung was proud of this achievement, part of him felt a tad bit annoyed that he had to interrupt his work schedule for someone else, but Minho was one of his best friends, he at the very least should show up for a bit. He could stay for an hour or two, and hopefully by then everyone would be a little too drunk to notice he had escaped back to his studio.
Jisung sighed as he begrudgingly made his way to Minho’s apartment, dreading the amount of people he would have to socialize with tonight. He was relieved to know that a few familiar faces would be there, such as Hyunjin and Felix, who were also part of the troop, but the team had also gone through auditions recently, meaning there would be people he would have to meet for the first time.
He wasn’t one for befriending strangers, as oftentimes, many of them had a negative impression of him due to his dating history. He hated how every time he introduced himself, as soon as the words “Han Jisung” left his mouth, people’s faces would drop into an unreadable expression, almost as if they were disappointed to finally meet the man who was rumored to be complete and utter trash. It was anxiety-inducing and turned him off from seeking out new friendships because everyone would always say “Oh! Did you used to date my friend?” And at that moment, he knew it was over. They hated him before they even got to know him. As a result, Jisung always felt apprehensive when it came to meeting new people and he much preferred sticking with his small circle of friends.
As Jisung arrived at the front steps of Minho’s apartment, he felt his shoulders tense up with trepidation as he subconsciously bit the inside of his cheek. The party had already started with the music blaring throughout the building, the lights dimmed with colorful LEDs visible from the window. A chorus of joyful cheers followed by the clinking of shot glasses and laughter could be heard from outside, signaling that the party was already in full swing. Jisung let out an uneasy groan, unprepared for what the night would bring, but reassured himself knowing that he only needed to stay for at least an hour before he could retreat back to the safe haven known as his studio.
After a sharp inhale, Jisung put on a fake smile as he opened the door, instantly greeted by a drunken Changbin who was double fisting two beers, wearing a toothy smile.
“Jisung! You made it!”
The last thing Jisung wanted tonight was to be put in the spotlight, which Changbin just unknowingly thrust him into with no warning. Others nearby turned their attention to the front door, some choosing to ignore Jisung’s presence to continue their conversations while others politely waved or called out a quick hello.
Minho shortly appeared in Jisung’s vision, grinning from ear to ear as he pulled him into a one-armed hug, “Glad you showed up, I was worried you forgot!” An airy chuckle escaped Minho as Jisung gasped, feigning a look of betrayal while playfully shoving Minho’s shoulder, “How dare you think I’d forget my best friend’s party? I would never!”
Minho rolled his eyes at Jisung’s gesture before dragging him by his wrist. “Whatever you say, but c’mon! I want you to meet our new members. Plus, you look a little too stiff for my liking,so let's get some drinks in ya first.”
Suddenly, shot glasses filled with tequila were shoved into Jisung’s hand as people egged him on to down them, chasing the two shots with lime and salt to cut through the harshness of the alcohol. A familiar buzz took over his senses, his head feeling lighter than usual as a lopsided smile appeared on his face while the nervousness he felt earlier quickly dissipated.
The bit of liquid courage energized Jisung enough to forget all the now seemingly silly concerns he had earlier as he jumped through the bunches of people, excitedly yapping away as he caught up with friends and introduced himself to new people. Each time he noticed someone cringing at the sound of his name or giving him a dirty look, he would promptly take another shot to rid himself of the anxiety he was feeling, hoping the alcohol would make him just unaware enough of any other glares he would receive from people that night.
Eventually, Jisung made his way to the loft upstairs to take a break from the hectic party below, already feeling a headache coming on. He stumbled his way to the couch, not paying much mind to his surroundings as he plopped himself onto the couch, immediately throwing his head back while shutting his eyes.
“Oh, he definitely overdid it again,” laughed Felix from the left of him, “How many shots did you take?”
Jisung waved his hand as if he was shooing Felix away while mumbling, “Don’t even ask.”
He heard an unfamiliar giggle erupt from the right side of him, causing him to sit straight up with his eyes wide, hastily snapping his head to see who the laugh belonged to, not expecting anyone other than his friends here.
He found himself staring into your eyes that were crinkled from laughing, a lax smile adorning your face as you brought up a hand to hide behind. Your laugh was rich and decadent, almost as sweet as chocolate, and your smile was so refreshing that it instantly roused him from his drunken state the moment his eyes landed on you.
Oh, shit, they’re cute.
Jisung’s inebriated state had caused him to lose all self-awareness because all he could do was gawk at you with enamored eyes, his lips slightly parted as he struggled to find the words to introduce himself. He felt his face flush from embarrassment when you returned his gaze while wearing an expectant expression, patiently waiting for him to finish his sentence.
“I- Oh, uhm, I…”
You had instantly captured his heart with the most saccharine smile he has ever seen and within a few seconds, Jisung was undeniably smitten, but he was also completely making a fool of himself within those same few seconds.
“Jesus christ, Jisung, how drunk are you?” howled Hyunjin, who had gotten up to lightly poke Jisung’s cheek, “Helloooo, earth to Jisung? Anyone home?”
“Dude… Close your mouth before you start drooling over there. I don’t think that’s an image you want Y/N to have during your first meeting,” Seungmin, who was sitting on the floor, mischievously sneered, quickly recognizing Jisung’s speechless state was caused by something more than just alcohol. Jisung shook his head side to side to wake himself from his lovestruck daze, clearing his throat in an attempt to cover up Seungmin’s comment.
“Mm, sorry! I just-,”
Oh, this is bad, he really is making this so much worse for himself. He was now regretting all the shots from earlier as he tripped over his words, his nerves not being of any help. He desperately was trying to say something sensible, but instead, all he could blurt out was,
“Jisung! I’m Jisung… yeah!”
Now it is a lot worse as Jisung cringed at how loud and annoying his voice was, everyone else also seemingly cowering from second hand embarrassment as they watched the scene unfold, but no one was able to peel their eyes away.
Like an angel sent from heaven, Felix decided to have mercy on the brown haired boy, peeking out from behind Jisung to meet your eyes at the other side of the couch. “Y/N, this is our friend Jisung! He makes music with Changbin and Chan. Jisung, this is Y/N. They’re one of our newest members on the team.” God, Jisung could kiss Felix right now from how relieved he was to have alleviated the awkward tension he had just created moments earlier.
You nodded, smiling at Jisung as your eyes lit up in realization, “Oh, Jisung? I’ve heard about you before.”
Ah, there it is. Of course! Of course you have and how stupid of him to think he’d be able to have an untarnished first impression with you and-
“Minho says so many good things about you! He even showed me some of your songs. You’re really talented at what you do, I definitely added a few to my playlist.”
Someone pinch Jisung right now because he must be dreaming, there’s absolutely no way. Is luck finally on his side? Has God finally decided to be oh-so-merciful today? He was on cloud nine as he relished in your compliments, savoring this moment because this may never happen again.
Jisung clicked his teeth as he waved both his hands in front of him with a flustered smile, “Oh, no, no, no, I am not that good! But thank you!” The alcohol was really doing a number on him as he slurred over each syllable, but thankfully he was coherent enough for everyone to understand what he said.
You let out a breathy laugh at his antics while standing from your seat, “Well, it's nice to finally put a face to the name, but I do have to go now, I have to be up early.”
Jisung deflated as everyone wished you good night, feeling disappointed how quickly your first meeting with him ended. Hyunjin stood up, offering to walk you out and once you were out of earshot, Jisung whipped his head to Felix.
“Felix… Who was that? How long have you been hiding them from me?”
Seungmin struggled to contain his laugh, earning a confused look from Jisung, “What are you laughing at?”
“Dude, you. You looked so stupid trying to talk to them.”
Jisung threw himself back into the couch, sinking into the cushions with an embarrassed groan, “Shut up, I know.”
Felix laughed, shooting Jisung a pitiful smile, “You’ve done worse, it’s fine. And no one was hiding them from you, you just never show up when we invite you anywhere. That is your own fault, not ours!” Jisung pouted, cursing himself mentally for rejecting all those plans.
“They’re cool, they’ve been on our team for a few months. Crazy good at dancing too, we are super lucky to have them.”
“Are they dating anyone?”
The room grew quiet at Jisung’s question as Seungmin and Felix looked at each other with uneasiness, unsure how to respond. Hyunjin had come back up the stairs after walking you to your car, just in time to hear Jisung. He let out a heavy sigh, alerting everyone of his presence.
“I… I think it's best if you just leave them alone, Jisung. They’re a really sweet person and you, well…”
“Me what? What do you mean?” Jisung furrowed his eyebrows at Hyunjin as the taller boy struggled to finish his thought.
“Just don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“Why?”
“Seriously, Jisung? I know you’re wasted right now, but don’t make me say it. You know exactly what I’m talking about.”
And he did, he knew that Hyunjin was referring to his dating history, but Jisung felt himself growing angry hearing his friend allude to him being a bad partner, suggesting he would hurt you.
“No, I want to hear you say it,” Jisung spat out, a scowl painted all over his face as he stared down Hyunjin with his arms crossed, who was still standing by the stairs. He felt himself become warm in frustration as all the insecurities he held close to his heart started to bubble up. Did his own friend’s think so poorly of him too?
Felix reached out to put a reassuring hand on Jisung’s shoulder, hoping to defuse the situation, “Let’s not do this right now. You’re still drunk, Jisung.” Jisung shook Felix’s hand off his shoulders, standing up while still glaring at Hyunjin with clenched fists.
“Say it.”
“Jisung-” warned Felix, but he was cut off by Seungmin.
“You’re a shit boyfriend, Jisung. We don’t need you hurting someone we’re friends with again.”
The room was silent as everyone now stared at Seungmin with wide eyes, startled at how blunt he was being. Jisung didn’t know what he was feeling as a flash of rage took over his body, but at the same time, he felt his heart drop hearing those words come out of his own friend’s mouth. It was now Hyunjin’s turn to butt in,
“Seungmin, stop-”
“No, he needs to hear it straight up. He fucking sucks and you all know I’m right. I’m tired of him acting like he isn’t the problem. Leave Y/N alone. They’re better off without you.”
Jisung felt hot tears well up in his eyes as he took in every one of Seungmin’s words, each casting daggers into his heart. His worst nightmares were coming true as he realized that it wasn’t just strangers and ex-lovers who viewed in such a negative light, but the people he trusted so much, his own friends, also thought the same of him. The fury laced in Seungmin’s voice cut Jisung deep as every syllable pushed him over the edge til Jisungfound himself falling into a pit of sadness and hurt, his stomach flipping onto itself on his way down.
Was he really that bad? Wait, no! How dare Seungmin say such a thing to him? What does Seungmin even know about Jisung’s past relationship? He was stepping out of line! The sadness instantly subsided, soon being replaced with a familiar feeling of denial and anger as Jisung stomped towards Seungmin, crouching down to meet him on the floor. Jisung sloppily grabbed Seungmin by the collar of his shirt, pulling him close to his face.
“What the fuck did you just say? Take it back right fucking now,” growled Jisung, venom dropping down from each word.
Seungmin rolled his eyes, pushing the drunken boy off him who stumbled backwards, “See, this right here is your problem. You can’t even begin to accept that you’re in the wrong.” Seungmin stood up, now looking down at Jisung who still hadn’t regained his balance. He took in an exasperated inhale, a subdued smile replacing the vexed look he just had as he softened his tone, “Look, Jisung. I love and care for you, but I cannot turn a blind eye and let you hurt someone else. I mean it. Leave them alone.” With that, Seungmin made his way to the stairs, wanting nothing more than to get away from Jisung at that moment before he said something he’d later regret.
Jisung remained seated on the floor as he was processing the words and emotions that were rushing in all at once, his drunken brain unsure how to handle all the information he was just fed. He laid his head into his hands as his brain echoed Seungmin’s words again and again.
Jisung felt his breath get caught in his throat as he hiccuped a quiet sob, his body starting to tremble as the tears he was holding back for so long finally fell. His body collapsed onto itself as his heart stuttered in his chest, his lungs burning from the lack of air as he continued to inconsolably weep, struggling to breathe between his cries.
Maybe he is as bad as everyone said he was.
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A few weeks had gone by since Jisung and Seungmin’s argument at the party, but the tension between the two boys didn’t last long as Seungmin showed up to Jisung’s apartment the very next day with a bowl of soup for his hangover and an apology, which Jisung graciously accepted, neither wanting to be upset at each other any longer.
Despite that, the words Seungmin had said never left Jisung, leaving a permanent scar on his brain as he constantly recalled the moment. The words painfully rang through his ears as a ball of shame and misery formed in his stomach while he reminisced about his past relationships, trying to figure out what he did so wrong.
Jisung felt horrible as he carried this weight of guilt on his shoulders as he wondered how his actions had hurt others and how he had remained oblivious for so long. All the insecurities and fears he had about himself were true at the end. Everyone around him was in agreement that he was the issue and he was the one behaving so selfishly in every relationship. He could understand that and he knew if his friend’s felt that way, it had to be the truth, but he was still struggling to identify what exactly about him and his behavior was so bad.
Sure, he could reach out and ask his friends to help see what he was missing, but he was too afraid to face the reality of the situation, not ready to take another brutal beating of words. He was terrified to hear the truth, but he knew the same conclusion he came to long ago remained true. Love was just not for him, it didn’t want him the same way he did.
Everyone had taken note of Jisung’s downtrodden mood and thought he had just needed a few days to collect himself, but once everyone realized more time had passed and that he didn’t even have the will to attend a recording session with Chan and Changbin, everyone went into crisis mode. So, over the last few weeks, someone would show up to Jisung’s house to check in on him and either spend a few hours with him at home, or forcefully drag him out the house to spend time with the group, insisting it would help him feel better.
Each time someone had forced him out, he would be huffing and sulking like a grumpy toddler throwing a tantrum, but as soon as he got there, he would be as cheery as ever and would end the day feeling a lot better. He hated how right his friends were, but he was always thankful for every time they dragged him out despite his whiny and bratty attitude.
However, there was another mental battle Jisung was fighting that everyone was unaware of, or so he thought, and he was definitely not coming out of it as a winner. Unfortunately for Jisung, since the time you joined Minho’s dance team, you had hit it off so well with the rest of the group that you were there almost every time Jisung joined you guys on an outing. And each day he spent with you, he found himself falling more and more for you.
He was really trying to stop himself, as he took Seungmin’s words to heart and imagined that sentiment was shared with everyone else, but this task was becoming an impossible one for Jisung to tackle!
It was weird. Every time he’d get invited out, Jisung would dread seeing you because he knew he was doomed to a hopeless, unrequited love with you, but if you weren’t there, he would be so disappointed and would find himself wanting to go home sooner. He wanted to stay as far away from you as possible, but something about you drew him in and he couldn’t resist and now here he is, finding himself in a friendship with you that he could not escape.
It’s not that he didn't want to be friends with you, if anything he loved the friendship you two had grown in such a short time and how quickly he became fond of you. You were incredibly sweet to Jisung, constantly showing your consideration for him everyday in new ways. If he ever felt anxious or out of place, you were the first to take notice and offer to get him out of whatever stuffy social situation he was in and stay with him til he was ready to join the others again. If he had decided to stay in that day, you’d send him a message letting know he was missed and hoped to see him the next time. There was even a time where he was too sick to leave the house, and much to his surprise, he found you and Minho at his front door steps with food and medicine.
Somehow, unlike everyone else before you, you had shown him a special kind of unwavering kindness and didn’t judge him for his past. For the first time in years, he finally felt safe and unconditionally loved in a friendship that wasn’t one of the boys. That was enough for Jisung to know that you were someone he wanted to keep in his life for as long as possible, even if it meant he had to confront eventual heartbreak and only stay by your side as nothing more than a friend.
But, that was okay. That was more than enough for him because as long as you were there, he would give you his all and support you endlessly. He would do anything to see you smile, anything to ensure your happiness, and if that meant he couldn’t be your lover, then that was a sacrifice he was willing to make. Besides, no one has ever been happy with him in a relationship. This was how it had to be, this is how he could protect you from himself.
Regardless of how Jisung felt towards you, he had seriously doubted you had any interest in him in the first place. How could someone as angelic as you want to be with, well, trash? There was no way you hadn’t heard about his disastrous dating history, and if you were as smart as he thought you were, that alone would turn you off from him. Not only that, he was pretty sure you had heard about the fight he had with Seungmin and if that fight said anything about him, it showed that he was a mess of insecurities and arrogance. Why on Earth would you ever like someone like that? And if you heard about the fight, he was positive that Seungmin and everyone else had warned you about him and dissuaded you from even considering anything romantic with him.
It was doomed!
And although Jisung had earnestly vowed to himself he would not engage in anything romantic with you, he was failing miserably. His affection towards you was something everyone picked up on. He always, no matter what, had his undivided attention on you as you ranted to him about whatever bothered you that day or how you were struggling to nail a part of your dance routine. It was obvious. He loved hearing you talk and could listen to you for hours as if you were his own personal podcast, always mirroring your emotion and blindly agreeing with you during your rants, always asking you questions whenever you rambled on about your own hobbies and interests.
If someone ever talked over you, he’d make sure to ask you what you were going to say. If you were upset that day, he’d always offer to buy you ice cream and insist to the group that they all needed to stop by the local ice cream shop. If you ever showed him a video of your latest dance routine, he’d shower you with a ridiculous amount of compliments until you were a flustered mess asking him to stop. And every time he noticed you were wearing a new outfit, changed your hair, or wore different jewelry, he would be quick to notice and let you know how wonderful you looked. He was shamelessly flirting with you, and he hadn’t even realized how far he had let it go.
On the other side of the pond, you were well aware of every horrible thing that was said about Jisung, even long before you had become a member of Minho’s team, and to be quite frank, you thought he was a complete asshole from what you’ve heard. But once you realized that he was one of Minho’s lifelong best friends, you knew you had to push your personal feelings aside, especially when you realized some of the music Minho had you perform with was Jisung’s original work. You hated to admit it, but he was an absolute genius when it came to music production and you were slowly becoming a fan of his work.
All you could tell yourself was that he couldn’t have been that bad if everyone was still his friend and reminded yourself people change, it’s not like you were going to end up liking the guy anyway.
Oh, but you were so wrong.
The first time you saw him at Minho’s party, you thought he was so irresistibly adorable during his drunken babbling, and you were honestly taken aback that the cute man who sat in front of you was none other than Han Jisung. Although, it did help soften your initial thoughts of him, making you think maybe he wasn’t that bad, especially after seeing him become a blushing mess at the mere sight of you, but those thoughts were quickly pushed away while Hyunjin walked you to your car after you left.
“Y/N…”
“Hmm?”
“I’m sure you’ve heard about Jisung from other people, right?”
“Oh, I’ve heard plenty, but he doesn’t seem so bad though.”
“Well, he isn’t if you’re just friends with him, but… He definitely seemed into you when he saw you and as your friend, I feel like it is my responsibility to let you know that he isn’t someone you should pursue. I love him, but you deserve someone better than that… I would hate to see him hurt another one of my friends.”
“Ah, no worries, Hyunjin. I’ve made dumb dating choices in the past, but I’m not that stupid.”
Except, you were that stupid. So, so, so incredibly stupid and you were terrified that anyone would uncover your growing crush on the boy. You could already imagine both Hyunjin and Seungmin’s disappointed looks, and you promised yourself you were taking this little secret to the grave. You had every reason in the world to not be attracted to Jisung, especially after hearing how he put his hands on Seungmin during their argument! Drunk or not, there’s no excuse for that and his denial of his actions said so much about him.
Yet, here you are, sitting next to Jisung on the couch in the living room of Minho’s place, excitedly talking to him about the latest episode of the drama you were currently watching, gossiping to him as if the actors were real people you knew in your personal life. He sat on the couch with his legs crossed, facing you while nodding along to every word you said, his eyes trained on you and you alone.
“And-, oh my god, I almost forgot, but the lead then told her to shut up! Can you believe that?!”
Jisung would then gasp, theatrically putting his hand on his chest, “No fucking way… What is his problem?”
“Right! And then-,” you paused for a moment, suddenly feeling insecure that you were forcing Jisung to listen about something he probably didn’t care for. You sighed and gave him an apologetic smile as you anxiously twiddled your fingers, “I’m sorry, I got carried away, you probably don’t wanna listen to me talk about some stupid drama.”
This time, Jisung did look genuinely surprised as his eyebrows furrowed upward with panicked eyes, “What? No, I love hearing you talk about this, you’re always so excited that it’s adorable.” He hated how fast your mood changed and started to worry if he had done something to make you feel that way. Did he look uninterested? Was he not responsive enough?
“Did I do something to make you think I didn’t want to listen?”
You felt your cheeks grow warm at Jisung calling you adorable, and then felt your heart start beating loudly in your chest when he asked you that question with all the concern and worry in the world filling his eyes. You shot straight up in your seat, returning his gaze with astonishment, not expecting him to be so considerate. “No, no, you didn’t do anything wrong… I just…” You paused for a moment, trying to find the words without revealing too much on how you were feeling, “I just got nervous for a moment, I don’t know.”
Jisung nodded as you spoke, taking your hands in his as he gave you a reassuring smile, “Y/N, I promise there’s nothing more I’d love than to hear you talk. You could be explaining the most boring thing ever, and I would still listen to you happily.”
In the kitchen stood Hyunjin, Seungmin, and Minho who were watching the scene unfold before them as they prepared food for everyone, while the others were upstairs playing whatever video game upstairs. Seungmin narrowed his eyes as he watched Jisung reach for your hands, taking note of the flustered look on your face.
“I think Y/N likes him.”
Hyunjin and Minho turned to Seungmin for a moment, then looked back at you and Jisung, unsure what exactly Seungmin saw other than Jisung’s flirtations.
Hyunjin let out an annoyed exhale as he continued to fry the eggs on the pan, then muttering, “There’s no way that’s possible. Y/N knows better.”
“I don’t know. Just look at them, they act like there’s no one else in the room when they’re together,” whispered Seungmin.
“I guess,” murmured Hyunjin, clearly upset about Seungmin’s hunch, “This is going to end terribly, isn’t it?”
Minho silently stood as he separated the ramen noodles that were boiling in the pot, humming along as he listened to the two younger boys angrily whisper. “I think it will be okay. I think our Jisungie has learned his lessons.”
The other two looked at him with disbelief, neither believing Jisung was capable of ever growing from the immature mindset he had for as long as they’ve known him. Hyunjin scoffed, “No, you don’t really think that, do you?”
Minho kept his eyes on the stove as the other two stared down at the back of his head, shrugging his shoulders, “Well, I could be wrong, I can’t exactly predict the future, but…” He then glanced back at the couch, smiling as Jisung made you laugh, “He treats them differently. I don’t know why, but he does. Don’t you two think so?”
Seungmin and Hyunjin stayed silent, not being able to deny Minho’s statement because they fully knew he wasn’t wrong. Everyone knew something in Jisung had changed when he had met you, and everyone saw how gently he treated you, almost as if he was scared he could scare you away with one little misstep.
“Whatever, I still don’t trust him,” Hyunjin grumbled, putting the last of the eggs on a plate.
Minho chuckled at both of the boy’s protectiveness, “That’s okay, no one is forcing you to, but remember, they’re both adults. They can do what they want, no matter how stupid we all think it is.”
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Months had gone by and there was no denying the small romance that had flourished between you and Jisung. You both were hopelessly head-over-heels for the other, to the point that everyone around you two had grown sick of it and was praying for the day where one of you would finally confess your feelings to the other.
You had long given up on hiding your feelings for the boy from your friends, especially after one day Seungmin had confronted you and told you it was the most obvious thing in the world. Part of you had prepared yourself for Seungmin to berate you for your poor taste in men, especially after the plethora of warnings you had been given about Jisung, but instead, he was very supportive and wanted you to feel comfortable enough to talk to him about it, even if he thought you could do better.
Jisung had become a part of your daily life, spending nearly everyday with each other or at the very least, you both had become accustomed to texting one another throughout the day. You’d start your day either sending or receiving a ‘good morning’ text from him and you’d end your day the same way, except it was a ‘good night’ text.
You’d often pay him a visit at his studio on days he had lost track of time, always letting yourself in after he had given you the passcode to the door, which he had only given to you, Minho, Chan, and Changbin. It came to you as a surprise when he gave you the code to his studio, insisting that you needed it so you could drop in whenever you wanted, telling you that you were always a welcomed guest at his studio. In reality, Jisung just wanted an excuse to see you more, and you had taken the bait as you would often show up with an iced americano in hand and whatever takeout food you were in the mood for that day.
If you ever had a long day of dance practice, Jisung would make sure to stop by to drop off a snack and drink as well, often receiving complaints from Minho over his blatant favoritism, accusing him of neglecting his best friend, which would cause Jisung to grow red from embarrassment. Despite his relentless teasing, Minho was more than proud to see how much Jisung had grown and how naturally caring for you had come to him. It was a side of Jisung no one had ever seen, and it was a very much welcomed change.
Today, you were sitting on the couch at Jisung’s apartment as he washed the dishes from the dinner you both had attempted to make, humming along as he put them in the drying rack. For some reason, you and Jisung had thought it would be a great idea to recreate a steak dish you both saw online and while it did not go terribly, the steaks ended up being a little too burnt for either of your liking. You were a bit disappointed, part of you feeling embarrassed you couldn’t even cook a proper meal in front of your crush, but he had lifted your spirits up by telling you it was an ‘excellent culinary choice’ to serve the steaks charred, shushing you each time you said the word burnt.
Soon after, he took a seat next to you on the couch, flicking through the TV as he tried to find something to watch, but soon gave up as he turned to you, “Is there anything you wanna watch?”
You scrunch up your face as you take a few seconds to think, clapping your hands excitedly once the idea hits you, “Have you ever watched Love is Blind? It’s kinda a dumb reality show, but I still haven’t seen the new season and it’s always a fun watch!”
Jisung furrowed his eyebrows quizzically, tilting his head to the side like a confused puppy, “Love is Blind? I’ve never heard of it, what's it about?”
“Never heard of it!? No way!” You gasped, a hand clasping over your mouth dramatically as he smiled adoringly at your antics, “It’s such a crazy show! Basically, a bunch of singles are trying to find the love of their lives, but they’re meeting people without ever seeing what they look like!”
“Oh, so they only get to talk to each other?”
“Yeah! And then they have to get engaged, and once that happens, they can finally meet face to face. They’re supposed to get married at the end of the series, but there’s always juicy drama going on before then!”
Jisung hummed, taking interest in the show's concept, “That’s cool, so they’re trying to see if love is truly blind?”
“Exactly!” You chirped, nodding with enthusiasm as you beamed at Jisung, waiting for his response.
“Sure, let’s watch it!” How could he ever say no to you when you’re smiling at him that way? He swore he felt his heart flutter the moment you smiled at him, the jubilation in your eyes making him become putty in your hands. “Do you really believe in that though? Like, unconditional love?”
You turned to him as you grabbed the remote from his hands, a bit taken aback from his question, “Well, I’ve already seen the other seasons and some couples have definitely proven that love can be blind, but love differs for everyone. I think that’s the beauty of this show though, loving someone despite their flaws and loving them for who they truly are.”
He leaned back on the couch, returning your gaze as he lost himself deep in thought, “Right, but do you think you could love someone unconditionally? Even if they’ve made mistakes in the past?”
You furrowed your eyebrows as you tried to understand where Jisung was coming from, a gentle smile gracing your features as you reached a comforting hand over his wrist, “Well, as long as those past mistakes aren’t murder or something, I don’t see why not. I’d like to think people are able to grow from their past.”
Jisung smiled as he sighed in relief, his other hand resting on top of yours, “Even me?”
“Especially you.”
┈ ✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁ ┈
It was a quiet and cold night as you curled up into Jisung’s side, your head resting on his chest with a leg thrown over his as his arms swaddled you into a tight embrace. It was peaceful and serene, the only sounds filling the room was the light pitter patter of rain against his bedroom window and the comforting beat of his heart. You tilted your head upwards and caught Jisung’s gaze, a relaxed smile on his face as he leaned down to press a gentle kiss on your forehead, but you could’ve sworn you saw a glimmer of sadness in his eyes.
To be quite honest, you weren’t entirely sure what you and Jisung were, as neither of you had ever officially discussed labels, but you both were very aware of each other’s feelings for one another. There was no doubt that you both were more than just friends, but the label of partners or dating was something Jisung nervously tiptoed around.
After a few weeks of these shared tender moments, you figured Jisung would soon ask you to be his, but the question never came and it filled you with nervousness. You didn’t want to pressure him, as you could sympathize with his concerns since he was very transparent with you about his hesitance from the very start.
Jisung was irrevocably in love with you and wanted nothing more than to make you his partner, but he would be lying to you if he wasn’t also terrified of the weight of that label. For so long, Jisung had convinced himself he was incapable of loving someone the way they deserved to be and never thought anyone would have ever fallen for him, especially someone as perfect as you. Perhaps it was your sheer kindness and undying belief in him, but he felt like a complete fraud, as if you had imagined him to be this amazing man that he could never be and has never been. He wasn’t ready to fall short of your expectations, he wasn’t ready to face the disappointed and heartbroken look on your face once you realized the rumors about him were complete truth.
He felt as if he was truly undeserving of someone as pure as you, someone so selfless and caring who approached their own feelings with so much confidence, while he was just a shamefully selfish man who didn’t know how to trust himself, who didn’t believe in his own ability to make his own partner happy, a man who was painfully insecure and unsure of who he was.
He wanted you with every fiber of his being and desperately wanted to be the very reason behind your smiles, laughter, and happiness. He so greedily desired to see his own reflection in your eyes for the rest of his life, a sight that he wanted to treasure for the rest of life and the thought of you looking at someone else that way physically pained him.
Yet, his fear of hurting you and disappointing everyone else around him held him back from chasing those feelings and Seungmin’s words from months ago ruminated in his mind as a constant reminder of his past failures. He would not be able to shoulder the burden of hurting you, the guilt would completely eat him up because at the end of the day, it would be his fault for fooling you into the idea that he was capable of giving you that movie perfect love story. For crying out loud, he’s Han Jisung, the guy everyone hated and criticized for his ineptitude of romantic relations. He knew what you wanted, he knew you were growing impatient and scared over his inaction, but his anxieties held him captive in a standstill, and he was not strong enough to challenge it.
All he could tell you was that he needed more time, that he was afraid and needed the chance to grow that confidence in himself once more, but he knew time was finite and he was running out of it.
As he kissed your forehead, he felt his heart flinch as a pang of sadness flooded his body, forcefully fighting the overwhelming adoration and affection he had for you. He was petrified at the way his body slowly began to reject the feelings of love he had for you, fear and insecurities consuming it as if everything you had to offer nothing. All rational thinking had left him in that moment as panic took over his thoughts, angrily yelling at him for being such an idiot to think anything would ever change. How stupid he was to lead on another innocent person and how he was only going to hurt them, just like all the others before him. How idiotic he was for thinking he was ever deserving of love, as love does not wish to know him.
He just couldn’t be your love.
God, if he wasn’t such a selfish asshole, maybe then he could’ve saved you from his own carelessness. If he had only heeded the warnings of his friends, but once again, he has fallen into the trap of self-centered needs outweighing the feelings of others. If he had only stayed your friend and nothing more, if he had only not-
“Y/N, I don’t think this is going to work.”
Did he really say that out loud? He held his breath as he cursed himself for acting so quickly out of fear, his heart stopped as he watched you stiffen in his own arm. You silently sat yourself up, his arms falling to the mattress as you turned to him with tears filling your eyes, your lips trembling as you tried to contain a sob.
Oh, how Jisung just wished the world would swallow him whole in that moment, his heart completely shattering at the sight of your crestfallen face. He looked into your watery eyes to only realize that this time, the reflection of your eyes showed the source of your sorrow, an expression he had wished he never had the misfortune to witness.
“I… I’m sorry, I just-”
You shook your head, raising a hand to signal him to stop talking, refusing to take an explanation from him, “It’s okay. I was afraid this would happen.”
You forced a tightlipped smile, taking a deep breath through your nose as you tried to keep yourself together, faintly whispering a broken “Please don’t text or call me.”
Jisung shot up as he watched you get up from his bed, trying to scramble after you as you made your way to his front door, grabbing your belongings on the way. He didn’t realize how much he was already crying until he tried to speak to you, but it all came out in a blubbering sob. “Y/N, please, listen to me…” He begged you to listen to him, pleaded for you to try to understand where this was all coming from and to understand that he still loved you so much despite how selfish his actions are, yet you never gave him a chance.
“Jisung, please. I don’t care why, I don’t want to know,” you croaked between sobs, doing your best to maintain your composure as you faced the front door, refusing to look at him. “I just feel like an idiot. I should’ve listened to what people said about you.”
There you went, leaving his apartment and shutting the door in his face with force, leaving Jisung to confront nothing, but his own cowardice.
Once again, Jisung fell into the trap of his own self-centered thinking, getting lost in his own immaturity as he became the victim of the circumstances he created. If he had only realized that he wasn't alone in this battle of his own conscience, if he had only realized you would've fought each insecurity and fear with him.
Oh, woe is me, Han Jisung. Only a fool would be afraid of love.
#skz x reader#skz fanfic#skz angst#skz#stray kids fanfic#stray kids x reader#stray kids#stray kids angst#han jisung#skz jisung#skz jisung x reader#han x reader#skz han#skz han x reader#jisung x reader#han jisung x reader#cinnamostar writes
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I LOVE LUCK
First of all pairing Gaz with Luck was genius
But the way you told the story??????
Luck being so enamoured for Gaz that they would risk everything and rationalising it as their selfish demon nature even as every act of luck they perform is above and beyond
I know that all the demons are slightly yandere-esque stories but the way Luck is besotted with this man gives the vibes of those cheesy supernatural media where the fem mc has a bad boy swooning over her that would burn the world down for her - except Gaz is the mc!!!!
It's perfect! Let him be a damsel!!!!
Idk how much he knows about Luck's influence BC he's not stupid and once he knows their powers there's only so much "oh whoops looks like they have bad aim" you can rationalise away, he might not know exactly when he started getting more luck tho if (from how you described it) the powers of the universe seem to let him absorb the natural well of luck that exists.
It might be harder for him to pinpoint exactly when if Luck is the type to take credit for stuff just for the possibility of praise and attention - which they clearly adore coming from him. "A miracle - your heart swells, that's you!" And "he jokes about a lucky streak and you beam with pride"
I just wanna make him my baby girl. I wanna protect him, let him give me his little neck tie thing like a Princess gives her Knight a favour
I truly love the demon au bc it somewhat feels like a role reversal from the fae au where now the characters are the darlings
(also I think I've sent asks before as myself or as anon I can't remember but Tumblr likes to eat my asks for some reason)
Gaz as the damsel lmao yeah kinda. Gaz gets a demon handbook, and reads it, but I don't think he fully understands how Luck's powers work... Luck isn't hiding from him, let's be clear on that, but it's very much the sort of vibe of "luck isn't really a power, I'm not trying to win the lottery" while Gaz figures out how to make Luck useful.
Anyway here's Luck performing some truly spectacular magical luck and Gaz trying to explain it away because he's not supposed to tell people he has a demon looking out for him.
Little things are easy, you don't really need to exert any energy for them. An enemy comes around a corner before Gaz can spot them and you make their gun jam before they can take a shot. Someone throws a knife at Gaz, you make sure it flies over his shoulder and lodges into another AQ's head. Extra bullets in a mag, extra mags in the rubble when he's running low, passwords on paper next to computers, unlocked doors, keys left in cars. All of it is lucky, but nothing spectacular. Nothing combat worthy. Then again you're not technically a combat demon.
"Certainly make life easier," Gaz mumbles as he slinks through the tunnels under the city.
"I know, but-" You're picking up bad habits, draping yourself over his shoulder as he moves, "-I guess I just want to give you a miracle, y'know."
"You've given me plenty already," He tells you. You suppose you have, but nothing that deserves any praise. You want him to tell you, you did something spectacular. Not that you can tell him. It's already heaven enough being able to sit and talk to him like this, you don't want to taint it with false compliments.
You sigh and content yourself with just touching him, something you never could've enjoyed before. Every breath he takes is a small reward for your work. You could never regret contracting yourself to him, not when he's so warm and sturdy under you.
"Tell me about that book you've been reading," Gaz whispers when you've been silent too long. You smile, and duck your head against his shoulder, shy even though you know he can't see you.
"You'd like it," You tell him, murmuring the most recent plot points you've read until you see him smile in the low light. You like how well Gaz seems to have adjusted to you, you hope that means he likes you too.
He holds up a hand and you quiet down, sinking into the shadows so he has full range of movement. You can hear the buzz of radio in his ear. He and Soap are supposed to be sweeping the city for weapons caches, sabotaging what they can before they meet in the middle. So far Gaz has been lucky enough to destroy the caches he's found without being detected. More easy luck, nothing worth kicking up a fuss over.
Gaz keeps his gun at the ready as he goes up a flight on concrete stairs. Back to the fresh air of the city. The night is thick with dark silence.
You're starting to get a little itchy, things are going almost too well. You've been keeping enemy combatants away from Gaz, eager to not have a repeat of the IED that bound your contract. You think it's starting to make him a little nervous, because he lets out a held breath when he spots Soap. It's a short reunion, a solid bump of knuckles between the two men.
"Easy," Soap tells him, "Barely saw a soul."
You frown, you don't like the sound of that. That was supposed to be your luck. Unless those caches were meant to be found. A spotlight clicks on, marking Soap and Gaz's position. Around them guns raise, and safeties flip off.
They both freeze, surrounded and in open air. It's lucky they haven't been shot yet. Must be looking to use them for intel. Soap swears under his breath. Gaz grits his teeth, you can see his jaw clench tight. Overhead a helicopter hovers, the spotlight on the back focused on the two sergeants, keeping them visible.
You feel yourself tremble a little, such a clear and serious threat to Gaz's life making you uneasy. You're really not used to combat, it's unfamiliar to you, a thing you used to watch with no dreams to ever experience it yourself. You don't know what to do, all you know is that you have to protect Gaz. You can't shoot knives out of the shadows, or remove organs with surgical precision, you can't do anything that would make you useful to a soldier. What you are though, is lucky. Miraculously so.
One of the enemy's guns misfires, knocking them off balance. They bump into another combatant, who's itchy finger pulls the trigger on an automatic that swings its spray of bullets skyward. Gaz glances up and watches a few stray bullets hit the helo with precision aim he wouldn't even dream up. Making the hovering chopper smoke and spin out, crashing into a church steeple.
The helo explodes, the noise loud enough to draw the attention of the men who still have their aim on him and Soap. Suddenly, miraculously, the blades of the helicopter fly from the explosion and spin towards the AQ agents. Gaz grabs Soap to duck just as the blades chop off the head of every man still standing.
"Steamin' hell," Soap breathes, as the blades thunk into a wall and stick there.
"That was-"
"A fuckin' miracle." Soap finishes for him, standing back to his full height.
"Luck," Gaz grins, "You are a fuckin' wonder." You preen as he glances down at his excitedly bubbling shadow. You can't help the little popping hearts that rise to the surface, quick bursts of your affection before you can rein it in. He presses his fingers to his lips, then to the dark shadows at his feet before standing.
"No one is going to believe this," Soap looks around at the carnage, blissfully(luckily) ignorant of the demonic activity at Gaz's feet, "Shit I don't even believe it."
"Gonna be a hell of a report," Gaz tells him. He glances around the scene as Soap radios position back to Price. The absolute absurdity of the entire situation making him laugh a little. "Bloody hell," He shakes his head, lets out another bark of laughter, "How'd you even manage this love?"
"Just lucky I guess," You mumble, trying to keep from blowing out every light on the block in your excitement. Love... You could scream.
#cod x reader#x reader#kyle garrick x oc#kyle garrick x reader#kyle gaz garrick#kyle garrick#kyle garrick mw2#gaz x oc#gaz x reader#oc: Luck#I think Luck's magic works a lot like Domino's luck in deadpool#probability manipulation#Most of the time you don't need big luck#but when you do? Oh they've got it in spades#Luck is cute Gaz thinks they're cute#demon!darlings au
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why supernatural 4x16 is the best episode (so farrr in my rewatch)
sickly&tired, pale looking cas concerned and covered in raindrops at the beginning "goodbye sister", he looks heavy, i feel so sorry for him
dean "im tired of burying friends sam" he's so done with angels and demons and walking into yet another crappy motel they'll have to leave in the morning someone needs to give this man a break! someone give him a break!
"cas you remember pamela right? you burned her eyes out?"
cas looking horrified and concerned 4 dean's sake is so sweet like my human seems to be having a mental break down ….. what do I do in this situation …. dean … dean please …..
HE LOOKS SO TORN between his duty as an angel and dean winchester oh my god I forgot the homosexuality of this show truly it's rewiring my synpases
everytime cas and dean speak or even look at each other or are in the same room there's like there's this unspoken push and pull going on between them with cas torn between his father/faith and .. homosexuality and dean torn between obeying the angels aka being daddy's good little soldier again/breaking free like a spooked wild HORSE
Like dean is noting that cas has been demoted/punished/answers to uriel now and of course he is, he's daddy's perfect little soldier hasn't he had this all so deeply ingrained in him since he was just a child, he sees cas being put down and he doesn't like it one bit u can see him champing the bit and looking concerned for cas. Like even though dean outwardly is pissed off by cas' inconsistency and lack of answers and um soldier-like mentality at this point in their story and is quite often hostile adjacent towards him, you can tell he has a soft spot for cas already and is like eyeing him up like bbz you ok, bbz who got you down. bbz do you need me to step in and save u
like you have cas' struggle with faith, cas having been punished for his developing feelings for dean, cas taking orders (sexy), dean angsting, dean having to torture his torture-daddy from hell, deans daddy issues and machismo exposed, the beginning whispers of cas' fall from heaven foreshadowed because of all the sillly obsessed feelings he's started to develop towards an actual human, all the intricate power struggles going on in this episode and it's so cas centred that it's really sexy and hot. so much angst. cas hasn't had a feeling in millions of years and now he's starting to feel and he's terrified
ahh what I find so hot and gleeful is how you can see dean absorbing the whole situation. and castiel's position. castiel compromised in his position (as an angel and a soldier of god) because of his feelings for DEAN WINCHESTER. everytime the angels are in the room (ie uriel and cas, and sam and dean) there's this power struggle going on between the secret intimacy/sleep paralysis demon/night visits weird boy bestfriends shit those two got going on between them contrasted with cas' position as an actual ANGEL and it's like deans seeming him erring and questioning his orders and having DOUBTS and he's absorbing it ALL and it's like a blast from the past in a way for dean because wasn't god and castiel like him and John? didn't he follow daddy's every order without a thought of his own? didn't he try so hard to bend himself into whatever shape john needed him to be? and he can see castiel going thru the same motions and having the same problems and deans like how can I exploit this situation. and make you my boyfriend at the same time.
"you can't ask me to do this cas. not this"
UHHHHMMMMMM the hitch in his voice, the rage in his eyes, the angstttt. his trust in cas hurting dean so bad. he would do a lot for castiel already and they've only met 7 times. but not this. this is too far. the sexiness of saying no to the angel that pulled you out of hell idk
the framing of the shots between them and when they are both in frame is really interesting too, like cas positioned just behind dean, almost like he's sitting on his shoulder or whispering into his ear, positioning cas as his guide, his confidante,
they're still figuring out the dynamic between the two, who calls the shots, he orders who around, who can say no and when
"you can't make me do this" dean saying NO to heaven the loudest he ever has . why should he retraumatise himself for heaven. why should he step into that room. dean ANGST
something like a plea in castiel's eyes the whole episode, torn between his orders and his feelings for dean, hesitant about the whole thing like no he doesn't want his poor human going in there and torturing alistair actually because it will put him in harms way and the lack of agency cas has over their orders now and the struggle ooo the struggle ! "this is too much to ask. I know. but we have to ask it" AND THEN LOOKING SO FRIGHTENED, looking frightened that they have to ask it. I castiel have to ask this of you, not because I want to but because I've been ordered to by my father god and I have never questioned him not once in millions of years. And now you. And now this. And now this opening to fear, doubt
and DEAN seeing through the facade and being like. I need to talk to castiel alone actually. like he's confused and he can't completely read cas but he sees that he's frightened, like his angel is actually frightened by what he's been asked to do and he can recognise that
as soon as uriel leaves and its just the two of them alone dean is completely different with cas, so much more personal
"uriels the funniest angel in the garrison. ask anyone" dean looking like he's reconsidering all his feelings for cas like why this angel . why him. jesus christ
his slutty little walk up to castiel why does he always do that flirty walk towards him! what hte fuck is up with that!
I think cas is pleasantly surprised at how quickly dean can see through the shitshow that is going on in heaven (and also himself) rn, like oh. yes. I chose him for a reason. He's shocked that dean has seen thru him just like cas has seen right through dean's facade in the past, but also proud. "Since when does Uriel put a leash on you?" OKKKKK PUPPY CAS
"My superiors have begun to question my sympathies - I was getting too close to the humans in my charge" looks down, looks up "- you."
SCREAMINGGGG why does he say it like that? only he could say it like that I swear tofuck. dean not quite believing his ears or knowing what to make of it all. he's looking at cas' lips AGAIN and seems amused for the first time the whole episode. Personally I think he's blushing inside.
is this the moment when dean starts to accept that he will torture alistair? he seems to start softening from this convo with cas onwards, is he doing this FOR cas????! does he think it will help cas? or is he just like buttered up by this whole speech because tbh it is really so sweet it hurts and I think the autistic rizz is really starting to work its wonders on him . like how many times has dean been told that someone cares about him without an ulterior motive (maybe just by sam, and even then)? cas has no ulterior motive, no manipulation under what he's saying, he's just saying it bluntly like. yeah. they've begun to have doubts about me in general even though I've been in this position since the beginning of creation and whatnot. because I have begun to develop feelings for the first time ever. for YOU specifically. HELLO????? Who wouldn't be charmed by that? Oh dean u eternal 14 year old who just wants someone to love him
I think he's too scared it might disappear or not turn out to be true so he doesn't push it, he just absorbs everything cas is saying and is like. ok, time to cover that one moment of exposed vulnerability back up with XTRA machismo now.oh dean.
"You ask me to walk through that door and do this, you will not like who walks back out"
"For what it's worth, I would give anything not to have you do this". CUT TO DEAN CLOSING HIS EYES. TAKING IT IN. UGHH
ok so why was this whole scene like so sweet and angsty. gosh these two. dean knows now that he's cared for, and by all people, an ANGEL. his angel, the one who pulled him out of hell and who has seen right through his facade since the very beginning. and in the same moment that care does come with a price, whether cas means it to or not, because in accepting cas' care he also has to accept what cas wants him to do, right?? right? I feel like love for dean has always come with price, could he ever get any care from john without having to sacrifice ridiculous things to earn it? so it hurts because. Dean you should really say no to this actually. You should trust your gut. But he trusts castiel instead and it hurtsssss. Because cas doesn't know any better at this point, and hasn't started to act for himself. I think it would've benefited castiel too if dean had said NO WAY because cas doesn't want this to happen either, he senses it is all wrong, and in the end we find out the orders were made up by uriel or whatever so weren't even legit orders from heaven. idk its all a mess up there rn. oh baby dean. oh baby cas. dean sees love as coming with the price of pain cut to roman roy having his stitches burst open by kendall when they hug each other so its totally natural he would accept that he has to torture alistair now after cas reveals his emotions? for dean? JESUS
castiel (Angel of the lord) (didn't feel anything for 4 billion years) (feels things now)
castiel this whole ep is just like 🕴️ dean … I am conflicted ….
anna has cas' feelings for dean so clocked she's just like "cas baby, the father you love would never ask this if YOU specifically" specifically you. he would never put u through watching the man u have feelings for hurting like this! Cas is just like .. oh….
cas closing his eyes because he can hear alistair screaming and he knows dean is hurting and he cant take it my poor baby
cas looking like a lost little boy in his sad man trenchcoat. there's something so fragile about him this episode
bloody resigned dean getting beaten within an inch of is life by alistair is so inexplicably hot
YES castiel stepping in and saving him just in time, his dean's in danger radar was going off!
cas' little cunty walk in the hospital when he's talking to sam lmao he's so overdramatic no one's doing it like him
cas realising the whole thing was POINTLESS & the fact that dean of all people was so endangered by his 'orders' …. he's having feelings ….. waging a war against god in his head …. oh poor cas
cas being like 🧎 ANNA? ANNA!!! HELP "I'm considering -disobedience" hahahahaha
I don't think even cas knows exactly what he feels, just that he does feel and it terrifies him
YES anna my queen, force him to think for himself for once YESSS
Uriel made such a huge mistake when he told cas his plan was for alistair to escape and KILL dean like that's cas' baby. That was the last straw for cas I think this episode no wonder he went at uriel like that
BLOODY CAS ON HIS KNEES BLOODY CAS ON HIS KNEES. DONT YOU UNDERSTAND?
Anna's so iconic for killing Uriel when he says there's no god left and saying "maybe. maybe not. but there's still ME" such a queen
CASTIEL AT DEANS BEDSIDE OH LORD. "Are you alright?" He cares so deeply. "No thanks to you", he feels the weight of letting Dean down so heavily on his shouldersss. Why does Cas tell him he needs to be more careful here, I never really got that? What's he trying to warn him about?
Dean asking Cas if it's true what alistair said, was dean responsible for breaking the first seal, and Cas saying yes and dean breaking down and Cas looking upwards because god help him what can he say to this man he feels so strongly about who is so broken and beat up and tired. yes, you started the apocalypse dean. he just looks so regretful that this ever happened to him, that he was too late to save dean, he looks repentent for so much that he's got wrong this ep at the cost of dean. oh cas. oh cas. you can tell her bares the weight of being too late to save dean on his shoulders.
Cas telling dean he is also the one who will be responsabile for stopping the apocalypse like leave this damn man alone he has enough on his plate. "Don't you go disappearing on me you son of a bitch, what does that mean?" dean still sounding like he's going to SOB and telling cas dont u dare abandon me you bitch
"I can't do it Cas, it's too big" Cas chewing his lip and looking so upset that dean has to take this all on himself like yes, it is too much, he knows it
"I'm not strong enough" whispering it his voice breaking oh my god dean :( Cas looking at him with such concern it's making my heart hurt ache. Dean looking away as he cries because he can't bare to show weakness infront of another man even his
angel
"I guess I'm not the man either of our dads wanted me to be" IT HURTS BECAUSE he believes he's letting castiel down somehow in this moment by not being strong enough but castiel also believes he's letting dean down by placing this burden on him when's he's clearly broken THEY BOTH THINK THEY'RE LETTING THE OTHER ONE DOWN (miscommunication between super masc human and autistic angel)
dean thinks he has to WORK to be worthy of Cas, worthy of love and care, and he can't work right now, he's too beat up and tired and he's in hospital and he can't move and he's worn down, he can't take anymore, and that is so deeply shameful to him. He hates to feel helpless but it's all he's ever felt. Little does he know cas is head over heels for him anyway and doesn't give af what he can or can't do.
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I’d love to hear more about the terrible thing at the edge of the lake! It’s really well written, and idk if i was just projecting or if you’re so skilled that you made it clear that Anthony lived his childhood as a girl without ever really saying it. Genuinely, i don’t know how you did that.
lake story commentary under the read more >:)
yeah i mean, as you say, the crux of this story is that our narrator is a trans man. i threw in a handful of clues that gestured towards the fact:
the name being the very first thing we learn about him, and the fact that he takes pride in it (& feels the need to share that pride with his "audience"). it's a chosen name; he is a pretty pretentious guy, and he wants us to see the artistry behind it. the story closes with him telling us that he "[has] been Anthony Misha Cohen ever since" he entered the lake; with what the lake represents in the story, this is him telling us that he decided to transition.
that the dead fox "made no advances" on the dead rabbit, and "thus disproved that claim to all of Nature’s predispositions being wholly ineluctable"; this is, of course, a gesture towards biological determinism. anthony points it out to us because that's what he's trying to focalise in telling this story. a lot of the piece is about agency versus inevitability, what we do and what is done to us. in the end, he chooses to act rather than be acted upon, which is how he is able to articulate his transness.
that one of the body parts thrown up by the lake is a severed breast; ha ha, top surgery, etc. looking at this more broadly, the narrative focus turning to these individual, isolated body parts ("Ought the lake to have thrown up a whole human body for my taking? It never did.") was intended to speak to a sense of alienation induced by dysphoria.
to speak a little more broadly, the story is in part about finding yourself coming into conflict with narratives of "coherence," which is to say, normativity, and (as i glossed in the second bullet point) about agency vs. subjectivity. i like to read the lake in the passage from streetcar that i referenced as representative of what lies outside the limits of heteronormativity; if you don't know, this specific passage has blanche describe the time she accidentally caused the suicide of her gay husband by revealing to him that she saw & was disgusted by his sexual relationship with another man. when he shoots himself, he becomes a 'terrible thing at the edge of the lake,' and i'm caught by his being, specifically, a 'thing'; for the rest of the play, he & his death come to metonymically stand for the essential failure of heterosexuality & sexual normativity that leads blanche to eventual ruin. he ceases to be a person and becomes a piece of metonymy; a signifier of the possibility of queerness, and the social paradigms that such a possibility threatens to rupture. this slots in well with my interest in spatial demarcation in fiction as a process of marking the boundaries of hegemony; all of streetcar takes place in one apartment, and who can and cannot live comfortably within the borders of the apartment aligns entirely with who can and cannot live comfortably within the borders of heteronormativity. compare apartment to lake; if the 'thing at the edge of the lake' is allan grey, and is therefore the possibility of queerness, then the lake itself is the repository, in a sense, for everything that sexual normativity & hegemony fundamentally cannot absorb.
& that's what anthony's lake is! ofc we're talking about transness in my story, but i'm playing around with the same essential idea of something that exists through its abjection & its absence, made sense of through its presumed impossibility. & it sets him at odds with his family, none of whom can see it. long before he can put words to what he wants, he has to live with the physical presence of the lake, & how that presence moulds his interfacing with the world even as he is the only person able to "see" it. as i said, i'm playing with the idea of spatial zones as standing in for discursive ones; the lake represents the marginalised, peripheralised forms of gender + sexuality by which sexual normativity + hegemony has to make sense of itself, and anthony lives with a heightened awareness of their existence before he has the language or the frameworks to properly recognise them. similarly, even people who cannot "see" the lake (for whom sexual normativity is naturalised such that the lake's "function" can become, in effect, background noise) can read this accidental departure from the norm into his affect.
& this idea of course brings us to the eyeball which provokes what is discursively figured as transition. i wrote this as an inversion of blanche's "I saw! You disgust me!" - when blanche "sees," queerness is no longer a distant & peripheral construction shoring up her understanding of heterosexuality without her ever having to confront it, but is instead in her immediate vicinity, and her response is to set off the chain of events that restore allan to "the edge of the lake" and to metonymic signifier. when anthony is "seen," by the lake itself, the world made possible by the lake is -- again -- no longer distant & peripheral, but immediate, and confrontational ("nothing but the water to distinguish it from me") (this is also why i referenced clare quilty, and vladimir nabokov/vivian darkbloom -- lolita doppelgangers strike a similar chord to this moment!). unlike blanche, his response to seeing and being seen is to finally admit to himself that the world represented by the "lake" is the world to which he wishes to belong. it's important that this is a conscious and deliberate choice -- throughout the story, it's always possible for anthony to remain, essentially, an unhappy girl, and to grow up into an unhappy woman. he tells us as much -- "But there were practical reasons for which I between the ages of eleven and twenty-one felt that I could not merely become that which I anticipated so fervently. If the lake were to take me—as I was certain it intended to do—I for so long committed resolutely to the idea that it had to be a happy happenstance, a fortuitous accident by which I could willingly and joyously forfeit all agency in the matter. I lasted so long in this state." anthony knows, at some level, what he is, but he spends a long time trying to make sense of it without having to act. when he is finally "seen," he acts, and this to me is a useful way of thinking about transness; not as deterministic inevitability, but as an expression of gendered agency.
i don't want to break it down sentence-by-sentence because i feel like that takes a lot of the fun out of reading it, but i hope this commentary was helpful -- i love this piece, i was dying to talk about it.
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This has been on my mind for a long time and i really need to get it out.
Jason is not as bulky as y’all make him out to be.
He’s just not a malnourished little kid anymore.
Ok, I can see people try to argue that even in canon, he’s like really tall and really bulky and yes I’m look at you Gotham War. ಠ_ಠ
To be honest, I was hysterically laughing for like. Fifteen whole minutes before I calmed down enough to continue reading. For the love of god, Selina looks like a little teenage kid next to him. And she’s got heels on.
And by the way, this is how she looks next to Bruce, which is way more plausible than. Whatever that was.
Never mind, I think they drew all the males ridiculously big in this comic. (Or is Selina just really that smol??? Not that I was under the impression that she was huge or something, but for a woman who used to be one of Batman’s most notorious villains?? Man, idk)
The point is. Yes, Jason shoot up a few inches after the Lazarus pit. And yes, he also gained a few pounds of muscle, too. But not over-night and not because he was dunked in a war-machine-making bathtub. It’s because he wasn’t malnourished anymore. His stunted growth was resolved in the aftermath of the Lazarus and he wasn’t a skinny short baby from then on, because whatever he ate, his body was healthy enough to directly absorb. Batman annual #25 and the rest of the comics will want you to think differently. But. Just. No.
As dislikable as The Lost Days artwork was, at least they didn’t grow him into a giant over night and I think it’s the only good thing they did in that comic, too, because it would give more depth to his character to say that in the years leading up to UtRH, in addition to everything else, he put in the effort to build his body for the big confrontation. To mislead and shock Bruce as much as he could. But even then, he’s not a tank of a man. He simply has an athletically pleasant body. And, you know, he’s, like, not fifteen anymore?? So it makes sense.
However, it’s not to say that I don’t enjoy reading (whether in comics or fanfics) about the disorientation it brings the batfam to conform the picture of this well-built man before them with their mental image of the scrawny little kid their sweet baby Jason was, in their heads.
If people write Jason’s growth compared to his fifteen self and how it gives the family such a hard time, as maybe a little bulky, sure. I can wrap my head around it and actually enjoy it.
Otherwise, I see Jason as a little taller than Dick and about the same height, if not a little shorter, than Bruce. Actually, Dexter Soy’s representation of Jason felt pretty accurate to me. Which is a shame that the story of RHatO as a whole was such a trash. Maybe for the exception of the Rebirth vol. 1. But I’ll get to that another day.
#look this is all my opinion plz don’t come at me#you like your jason however you like#actually#no#you’re already like 3-0 ahead simply for being a jason todd fan#who am i to tell you how to enjoy your man#but#i mean#seriously tho how am i gonna play gotham knights like that#maybe theres a mod i can use???#why does everything with the word ‘gotham’ in it goes like#no jason is a tank#okay imma stop now#jason todd#red hood#gotham war#gotham knights#batman comics#batman#batfam#lazarus#lazarus pit
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FHJY Spoilers || my live thoughts as I watch episode 5
okay so I'm watching it late again because I had bowling. i actually did really well today if anyone cares🔥 there was also a few other personal things that stopped me from watching it for a bit.
NO MORE FANTASIZING ABOUT IT!!!
hey hey hey hey let's go ♪♪
the synod is so blue
EMILY IS SO CUTE I LOVE HER OUTFIT
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this episode idk how to explain it I just don't feel ready.
OH MY GOD THE BOGGY MINI HAS A HAT OH MY GOD I'M CRYING
EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP BOGGY HAS A HAT OH MY GOD
GORGUG MINI WITH CHOLE
The art team is so powerful
"Someone grab those teeth"
It's spicy in the dome tonight ‼️‼️
the hat on adaine and boggy make me want to cry they're so cute
WET BOGGY KISS
FIG IS THE GREATEST SECURITY GUARD 🔥🔥🔥🔥
ally chomp noise is so good
I love Brennan just rolling stuff and not saying what it's for
shittering
HEY GIRLIES
"(Murph whimpering with uncertainty)" that's how I feel every second of my existence
I NEED YOU TO DRIVE STRAIGHT THROUGH THE DOORS OF SEACASTER MANOR
Fabian dancing upset is so funny
twenty five armor class 🔥🔥🔥
dancing between the legs of a centaur?!??!??
HE WANTS TO JUMP ON A TABLE??????
oh thank god he made it
Riz is so good at hiding
murph reading the spell description is so satisfying, I need him to narrate an audio book
200% blood D: good god
Riz flossing
FIVE ATTACKS
"is that allowed?"
"And I'm stuck with her and her minus 3 Dex"
STOP ATTACKING CASSANDRA
"I'm useless" "no, you're not" "I'm useless!" "no, you're not!"
Riz fornite dancing
"I want you to profile them"
CONOR COUNTERSPELL
"he's on the security detail now" oh my god
"he's my intern" OH MY GOD
"He's gonna leak it all on discord" hhehehehehhehe
"I rolled a zero initiative" ON THE BATTLE ABOUT HER GODDESS???? oh my god
"Is this what Ragh's mom absorbed?" Zac Oyama you are a genius
NAT 20 PERSUASION!!!!!!!
"It just sounded loud because of all the plastic breaking"
"Don't spoil it, is it a buff Kristen?"
"Roll on the back of my motorcycle, I love you!"
there's so many good one liners
ooh!
worth a try
not nightmare king related?
attack the orbs!
CAT GRINDERS
Kalina is actually so hot, I need her
EMILY IS SO GIGGLY
NOOO WHAT IS GOING ON WUUWUEHW
CASSANDRA??????????????
SHE'S ALLERGIC TO SHRIMP??????
"I think this is someone else's fault and not mine"
"I WAS IN PARTY MODE"
"This is some Gilear shit" "I think I need to go to the hospital"
oh my god I feel unwell from giggling so much
ADAINE NAT 20
"Do I suck?" "You? No!"
yah!
rage Adaine sounds powerful I need her to multiclass into barbarian /j
SAVE CONOR. SAVE CONOR. SAVE CONOR.
NOOOOOOO CONORRRR
rage conor kinda 🫦
KALINA SAID RAGH BARKROCK????????
SHE'S FUCKING SHIMMYING
18 doesn't hit kalina??!?!??
FABIAN ON THE CLOCK
"WE HAVE TO GO NOW."
AND KALINA DOES WHAT??????? HUH??? HUH HUH HUH???? HUH???? WHAT???? HUH?????? WHAT? KALINA WHAT???? HUH???????????? HUH??????????????
lower than a nine pls pls pls pls pls pls pls
THAT'S A 3 🔥🔥🔥
evil kalina is still hot
"oh come on man!"
i miss ayda aguefort
every stage of grief in ally beardsley they're such a mood
CLERIC DOWN...
BARDIC SHRIMPSIRATION
just looking for nat ones....
I DON'T LIKE ALL THESE DICE ROLLS
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHAT IS GOING ON WHAT WHAT WHAT HUH WHAT HUH WHAT IS GOING WHAT
bop bop
CANTER COUNTERSPELL
the ball has gotta go (but not The Ball™)
"Interesting. Well. I'm done talking to you I think."
GORGUG NAT 20!!!!
he still listens to his ex's mixtape.........
three point stance...
no pressure kristen
does Cassandra need to accept her anger and manage it healthily...?
i need to be hugged by buff Kristen I think that would fix me
there is so many box of dooms...
wait. wait. Kristen is channeling rage to her advantage..... what if she multi classes into a barbarian that would be kinda sick
omg they're switching it up
WHY ARE THEY ROLLING SO BADLY?????
"Girlie, are you still mad at me, girlie?"
nonna crit
ADAINE IS SO CLOSE
"he's gonna blow up the world"
i don't like this dramatic music
SHATTERS THE CLOCK??????
"Oh gross"
TIME QUANGLE??????
WHAT IS GOING ON???
OH MY GOD CONOR COUNTER SAVED THEM
fig nat 20 on understanding time loops
AT WHO'S SIDE????????
HUH???
"a master you deserve" WHAT.
oh no.... did adaine's job place just got ruined? does she have to show up to her job now? is she still going to get paid???????
"Did your god get turned into toxic positivity."
RAGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
"I buttered up!"
"(Gasp) oh my god!" Hangman is so cute
oh my goodness my face hurts from giggling from the party
I miss Ayda Aguefort so much
wait I don't think fig should be doing the shrimp jump because her luck is so unbelievably bad. this could go South so fast.
FIG NAT 20 ON THE SHRIMP JUMP
THE THOUSAND YARD STARE ALLY HAS..
I don't like how epic Brennan is describing it because I have a bad feeling with fig and her condition
"This is gonna be a great year."
Mother of Tartar Sauce
RAGH IS JUST GONE
oh my god that was an incredible episode
See you it the Tartar
#fhjy spoilers#fantasy high junior year spoilers#spoilers#d20#dimension 20#fantasy high#d20 fantasy high#dimension 20 fantasy high#fantasy high junior year
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Cheesecake analysis- Floyd’s thought process
Credibility? idk, I kin Jade but this is how I see Floyd from what he says. a mix of @/numanuma_black's thoughts and mine. But this is mainly for my records
The Cheesecake analysis is how Floyd thinks. He thinks like he is neurodivergent (me too tbh). So for those of you who have difficulty understanding, if normal people think of using a recipe for baking, he think about it using ratios and somewhat extra thoughts. If Jade thinks in normal numbers such as “1.75 cups of graham crackers, 3 tablespoons of sugar, 1 stick of butter…” and Floyd thinks like, “About a 2:1 ratio of batter with crackers, maybe adding jam in place of some sugar so I can change the flavor up a bit, oh maybe there's the leftover fruit from something so I can add that…”
So, why would he do such a long thought and scattered thought process? It’s the process that makes him unable to get “bored”. Also, doing what he's told is something that he probably dislikes because it's just something that is done. After all, others ask him to do (such as food prep, it's just a chore.) When it comes to something new, he would also not listen if you tell him how to do it, it's like babies walking; just telling him isn't going to work because it just doesn't make sense to him and if it’s forced it’s just not something he enjoyed, so for him actually learning that skill is a path of trial and error.
Going back to the cheesecake, this man will most likely give you a graham cracker with cheese on it at first and serve it to people, and also eat it too. Why? Because his image of a “cheesecake” is cheese with cookies, nothing less nothing more. Because Azul is there, he can give more tips on what different kinds of stuff the cake can be, which makes Floyd more curious about what the possibilities are and helps set him a goal “The cheesecake I want”, is an interest and that makes him work more. “There are different types of cheeses? Cool, I want more of a mascarpone. If it’s baked or rare, I think rare is better. Oh that chocolate crust looks good, I want to put that… Jam is sometimes there? I want to say,” With that, the priority of information is labeled mainly according to interests and Floyd's preferences. No recipe yet, but what he wants is super clear. At this point, Floyd begins to prioritize information on "the ideal cheesecake I want to eat", so while collecting information on baked goods, and unusual varieties, he will absorb what he thinks is related to the stuff he wants and incorporate it. The route ends when Floyd starts making something else and it goes well. (Side tracking)
However, if Azul is by his side, he will say: "You said you were going to make cheesecake!" and put him back on his path. Based on the information obtained, it works, he did it with a nice cheesecake! Magic? No, just intuition and trial and error. However, since it is still an experiment, it does not reach the results of various imaginations if he gets his first “success”. Then he’ll make note of what's bad, what he likes the taste of, what texture, what overpowers what, etc.
Then there’s going to be a ton of failures but that's where Jade is better than Floyd in a way; Jade can make a pretty good quality of something because he always follows the recipe, Floyd just changes what he wants but it turns out either amazing or bad. But Floyd does gain the knowledge of what he needs to fix about the cheesecake while making it, and if Azul gives his advice such as “hmmm, a bit of salt can help with flavor at times, and this would go great with coffee, etc.” the data in his brain goes up. If he follows the idea it works great, but Floyd will tweak it and be proud of what he made and show it to Azul. Whatever idea he had before? Probably gone, because his mood changed.
If Azul wants the cake on the menu, which has happened according to his master chef card, he probably has no recipe. So how does the recipe get recorded? Jade the recipe follower, the planner, and the Floyd translator in the game. Foyd will be vague like “this much cheese” and dump it, but Jade will measure it before something happens to it. That patience he has with Floyd has always helped make the recipe possible; something Azul can’t do. Also, the reason why his food doesn't go and taste the way it should when he's not in the mood is because he’s not careful. He does things like mixing badly, cutting, etc. all things that are crucial in cooking. If it is used in the menu and Azul is the proudest he’s been of them, I bet a dollar that somewhere in that smiley calm exterior, a jealous Jade is there.
~~~
I think Floyd is just misunderstood because he is deffo neurodivergent.
I hope ppl if they read this enjoy how I think how he thinks :)
#twisted wonderland floyd#twisted wonderland theory#twisted wonderland#twst#tweels#twst floyd#floyd leech
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#tristampparty day 9, episode 9: millions knives
i've been forgetting to tag @tristampparty in my recent posts whoopsies
so. episode 9. going to just... climb into the microwave ahead of time. get nice and cozy in there. let's. go.
okay let's hit the start button on that microwave now mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm beep beep beep beep
uagh his fucking expressions in this scene... and him playing "his" side of the piano, then reaching to "vash's" side of the piano to play the dramatic part. it's a cry of loneliness!!! from his heart!!!! AUAHAHGHGH
i remember seeing a post a while ago pointing out that knives cutting off vash's arm means they can never play the piano together anymore and that fucking HURTS, man.
i think we need to take the time to pay extra attention to knives's expressions... the character acting in tristamp is really good all-around
overworking them "cuts them off"... i guess it makes them unable to maintain the connection...?
knives touching the glass... reminds me of just before he absorbs the first plant in the manga.
the contrast of the city lighting up beautifully with the horror of the last run... man.
wait... city...?? this... this isn't july, right? the platform/corridor they're standing on looks the same as the one meryl and roberto end up on in the second half of the episode, but the plant containers on the wall are different so i don't think this is the same place... but we started the episode in knives's piano room, which IS in (not-yet-)july, so this must be close by because the alarm went off, which i'm assuming is connected to the plants somehow...??
also wait, we don't see this level of development from the outside. like in the faraway shot when vash spots this place. am i misunderstanding. it's only been 5 years since the crash, so idk if this much development would be possible in that time BUT the guys who show up said they overloaded the plants to speed up "reconstruction," so... uhhhhh... am i missing something?! am i dumb?! 😭
me every time knives makes an expression that hurts me deep in my heart: look!!!! look!!!!
screencaps absolutely do not do it justice, the way his expression changes... horror, shock, grief...
the timing of vash arriving... the cruelty of the humans, the way they talk about the plants... knives's sadness, his grief and rage--wait one of the randos gets his arm cut off
lost arm count: 6
as always i feel like there's a lot more to say but the only thing i'm feeling is my heart hurting so bad :(
vash might be speaking for himself here, too.
hmmm, he says this, but knives dismisses it as if he doesn't believe it. i wonder... i don't think rem would lie about this... but i wonder if conrad would. lie to knives, i mean. like is knives dismissing this just because he's clinging to his own beliefs or did conrad - who i'd think would be more knowledgeable about plants than rem given his position - tell knives something else?
AGAIN, "SINNERS" WITH THE CAPITAL S!!!
i forget, do we see how vash got his gun in the manga? knives gave him his gun in 98, too. interesting that knives is the one who gives vash his weapon in at least 2 out of 3 canons...
hmmm. in the manga, this scene was when knives learned about the black hair thing and drastically changed his plan, deciding he needed to absorb plants. here, though, it seems knives was already planning the higher dimension connection stuff, although he hadn't put it into motion yet. because the plants here are just... being used normally (""normally""), not stored for future higher dimension connection purposes or absorption purposes. knives does still "change his plan," though, i think, when he realizes vash won't cooperate with him. i wonder if/when we'll get the black hair reveal in tristamp. i wanna see knives with his black streak.
conrad and luida know each other... luida DID mention conrad by name last ep, but considering his position it wouldn't be that weird for her to know of his existence without actually knowing him, but no, they actually know each other...
ugh, when knives tells vash to kill luida, he's asking vash to choose between humans and plants, and it just hurts because. knives and luida are both his family. he loves them both.
wait knives with the lace up knee high boots... the drip...
this is the face he makes right before he gives way to anger. man.
he sees rem in luida and lashes out... vash saw rem in her too... ugh. my heart.
going frame by frame again and knives has a bandage on his arm... why? it doesn't seem to be part of his outfit, he doesn't have one on the other arm. there's on on his right leg too, under the boot?? why...
also i like how knives rides the pull of gravity to get close enough to cut vash's arm off. that's a fun detail
lost arm count: 7
the difference in context of knives cutting off vash's arm in tristamp vs trimax... it's a canyon... a canyon of difference...
once again screencaps don't do the character acting justice, the microexpressions he makes... the disbelief, the shaky laugh... he's about to cry. vash couldn't point the gun at luida. but he points it at knives. and then he stands up and turns away, and the way his voice shakes?? dude. he's crying.
but also why does he say it'll take a century to build a world of plants? where is he getting that number from? later in the episode, zazie says that a century is nothing to plants, but knives is like. six. a century would probably still feel like it'd be a long time to him. is that his own personal estimate of how long it'll take to execute his plan? is it conrad's?
wolfwood doesn't react at all when brad says this. funny, but also why.
i hope they can. i hope they can make up. (<- crying screaming and throwing up)
reminds me of vash saying he'll save knives in 98. im gonna throw up
IM GONNA THROW UP!!!!!
it's so weird that ZAZIE is the one explaining earth. like they know a LOT about it, huh? what it looks like, what the life on it looks like (looked? should i be using past tense?)... who told them all this? knives? conrad? this isn't common knowledge either, even honors student meryl doesn't know anything about earth. but why? a lot of knowledge was lost when the ships crashed, and time has passed, but... why would the state of earth and the reasons for the colony ships not even be taught in school? the survivors from when the ships crashed were FROM earth. (well, i guess some of them might have been born in space, but...?) did they not teach their descendants about what happened? were they ashamed? or is this another thing that conrad/EoM/whoever is suppressing information about - and if THAT'S the case, why?
uuaaaghhh i'm writing this post late again and it's 3am and i can't think. sorry this was mostly incomprehensible screaming
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Okay I have a theory on what q!BBH's plan against the Federation could possibly be (it kinda goes against previous theories I made but at this point I'm just throwing shit at the wall) and it came to me when I thought about the soul vultures.
So now that we do know q!BBH's massive plan actually revolves around taking the Federation down (or hurting it at least) and not bringing the eggs back, I have a few thoughts on what his goal might be.
Here is what we know about q!BBH's plan so far :
-Forever and the Eggs missing hinders his plan (might be for sentimental reasons though)
-He needs people to underestimate him or to be on his side (overall his whole weird 4D chess he's got going on)
-It was something he had planned a long time ago
-It will most likely lead to his "death" (symbolical or something else, most likely not a nobel sacrificing considering the other factors)
-His end goal is to destroy the Federation or at least severely damage it
Now the one missing puzzle I feel like is the role of the Soul Vultures because now I just don't trust he was just using them to torture himself like he said to q!Tina.
It might be part of it, sure but now that we know that him bringing the eggs back, while it's a main goal, isn't the mega plan he has prepared right now, we can guess the soul vulture probably have another purpose.
I think q!BBH's big plan against the Federation is to steal Cucurucho's soul and absorb it
Now I don't know how this goes with the 4D chess but I think this would kinda work with a couple things that got layed out for us.
-It would explain the Soul Vultures, maybe through exposing himself to them he is trying to gain their strong soul stealing powers.
-It would explain q!BBH's strange death flags as it's possible him absorbing Cucurucho's soul would not make him the same person anymore.
-It would kinda deal with the checkhov's gun that is q!BBH's eating thing, now technically he wouldn't be eating Cucurucho but more so his soul but I feel like it still counts.
-This is probably the only way that anyone could come close to killing Cucurucho since we know this man can't be killed on both a meta (creative mode) and lore level. Cucurucho can't physically be killed but we don't know about him being immune to soul stealing.
Idk this is just me going insane and I just have a lot of ideas going through my head about this whole thing especially with the new reframing of q!BBH's Big Plan.
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It's Blacktober, so I'm gonna be brave and drop all the Black headcanons I currently have for DC
Putting it under a read more because I added a lot more notes than I originally thought I was going to.
Dick Grayson — Afro-Romani. Nicknamed Cricket because he was a super skinny kid with ADHD who chattered almost nonstop
Jason Todd — Afro-Filipino (3rd generation). Nicknames include Jay-Jay, JT, Jaypee (spelled exactly that way), PJ, and Peter Poppins (he brought an umbrella to a cookout once because the forecast said it was gonna rain, somebody made fun of him, the nickname stuck). Jason Peter Todd just sounds like a name that's simultaneously Black and Filipino idk. Black Millennial name + I swear so many Filipinos are named Jason, especially in the U.S. They named him Peter after St. Peter (he doesn't have to come up with a Confirmation saint and name himself like I had to...man, Jason would be just old enough to get the sacrament just to die the same year.)
Selina Kyle — Eartha Kitt is my live action Catwoman. I need not say more.
Harvey Dent — Black mama and white dad. Old folks who knew him exclusively called him Junior, never by name. Harvey Dent just sounds like an old Black man's name too, like I'm pretty sure a distant cousin on my dad's side is called Harvey. Also, I never see Black characters as mob bosses, so I'm gonna lay my grubby little hands on him. I actually wrote a whole essay on the social commentary that could be explored if Harvey was a lightskinned Black man, but I'm gonna keep that to myself for now.
Minhkhoa Khan — Mom is Black, Malay, and Filipino. Dad is Chinese, Vietnamese, and Thai. I don't have nicknames for him yet (I'd also have to find an excuse for characters to give him any </3)
Walk with me on this one. I'm imagining this haircut as curly on top with a fade rather than just straight hair with an undercut. I don't think he has 4 type hair; but if he did have 4b or 4c, he'd be the guy who'd laser focus on picking his hair so he can ignore you </3
For his mullet era, see Prince for reference. I think people only hate mullets because they're almost always seen with straight hair, and straight hair cannot emulate the sheer cunt that curls serve in every moment tbh.
Also, this just looks like a durag to me. Seems to be tied like one. Every time someone draws this head covering, it looks exactly like a durag. What does he need a durag for if not to keep moisture and protect his curl pattern?
He's also my personal win for the kingdom of Blasia.
Halo from the Young Justice cartoon — she's mixed Black to me. I think Qurac is meant to based on Iraq? So maybe she's Black and Iraqi. idk I just think Black Muslims should be seen more in media.
Everyone in the Superfamily — I read that one post years ago about how logically Kryptonians should be darkskinned if their powers come from absorbing yellow son energy (people without color reflect it instead) + someone else talking about Afro-Latino Superboy. I agree with all their points (don't ask me for either of these posts, it was three fandom lifetimes ago).
Zatanna Zatara — that one post on twitter fancasting Ayo Edebiri as Zatanna. I am walking together with that person. I see the vision. A win for #BlackGirlMagic. Give "Justice League Dark" new meaning (you can throw tomatoes for that one)
#blacktober#Black headcanons#DC comics#I just think most of Bruce's lovers are Black (Harvey & Minhkhoa & Selina & Clark to be clear)#I hate that I have to make that clear. this is a no batcest zone.#anyways yes I am projecting now leave me alone. they're niggas to me#Also I wanted dickkory to be blk4blk too not just t4t#if this post becomes unrebloggable and you can't reply it's because They got my ass#I cleared the 5 tag rule so here are the character tags for personal organization#dick grayson#jason todd#selina kyle#harvey dent#minhkhoa khan#gabrielle dhou#zatanna zatara#clark kent#superfamily
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Okok my mans Brenner has a flair for the dramatic but like. For him to be talking like this, not only does he have to have seen Henry kill, he’d have had to study him in the aftermath. Now. We already know Henry murdered his mom (tho there’s some sus af stuff regarding Alice Creel & her “death” that leaves that one up in the air), & most likely wanted to kill his dad & sis, too. But for brenner to be saying this stuff about abilities, memories—less memories, more ABILITIES.
Because Henry could’ve gotten Virginia’s memories. Virginia knew Brenner—it would be easy enough for Brenner to catch on to Henry knowing things ab Virginia & Brenner’s convos that he shouldn’t. But ABILITIES. What abilities could Henry have gained from his mom that Brenner would be talking about? Was Henry abruptly really good at styling his hair like a 50s housewife? (Not likely—unless the shaving-childrens’-heads-trend didn’t catch on ‘til later). Maybe Virginia was a really good juggler?
I have a point, I swear, stay with me. Obviously Brenner COULD’VE been talking about Virginia. But it seems more likely that Henry killed someone else during his time at the lab—BEFORE the Hawkins massacre. Remember the soteria? We know that, immeditaly after killing his family, Henry was weak. His powers were weak. A lot like El after she banished Henry—using excess power, an abrupt drop in power, power needs to be built up… except El lost her memories, while Henry didn’t, and memories are important for channeling power.
Brenner has seen the cycle of regaining power before—it’s probably why he was so confidant he could restore el’s powers by restoring her memories, if he knew memories triggered power (from Henry). Because it was Henry (as 001) remembering something that made him sad, and angry, that allowed him to channel his power. (I need to rewatch some scenes to construct a timeline, because I think there’s a possibility Henry was referring to discovering his powers BEFORE the lab, though a slim one, when he was talking to young El & suggesting she use the memory of her mother being dragged away to channel her power. I don’t think that’s the case, but I wanna rule that possibility out).
We also know that something made it so that Henry was too dangerous to be allowed his power—he had to be given soteria. There’s an argument to be made for Henry being made to kill people by Brenner, used as an assassin the way Sullivan said Brenner wanted to use El (“remote assassination”), but that as Henry murdered those people he gained skills (fighting skills) & intel (from their memories).
But what if it wasn’t a regular person’s regular skills? What if it was someone with powers? Basically—the Hawkins Massacre not being the first time Henry absorbed someone’s powers. & that being the trigger for Henry being given soteria.
(At first I misremembered this scene as Brenner saying he absorbs their POWERS, and I got REALLY excited, but the point still stands. That’s why you gotta rewatch scenes & cite your sources, kids!)
There could be something interesting related to Alice Creel in this—the other sibling being “sensitive” and having powers like her brother (perhaps on a smaller scale, like 002), maybe she survives her brother’s first murder attempt but not the second—
(Seriously check out posts on why alice’s death is so sus idk how to link posts but like. Holy shit).
I imagine this power working like this: the brain is basically a bunch of electrical impulses, kind of? Like, that’s how we store memories, skills, etc. So Henry mimicke those impulses, those electrical patterns, in his own brain, and can interfere with other peoples’ electrical impulses—hence how he messed with Will’s memories, “stole” El’s powers at the end of season 3 (and perhaps even her powers and memories way back after the massacre when she was like 8, and perhaps messed with WILL’S powers in season 1/2, but i’m not sold on that yet). Brenner had it right when he said it was similar to the effects of a stroke—just a targeted, controlled, Henry-induced kind. The connections are all still there.
Then again, Henry’s abrupt loss of power after overextending himself does mirror el’s when she was a child, so perhaps he didn’t mess with her powers then. But it feels likely that he did in season 3… that it wasn’t just because of exhaustion/overextension, it was because of the parasite in her leg. Idk. We’ll see ig, i’m attached to this interpretation atm tho.
Ig im tagging @aemiron-main @wibble-wobbegong @givehimthemedicine & @bottomlessabyssposts bc i enjoy harassing u guys lol. Feel free to share ur thoughts if you want, or not if you don’t! Hope y’all tumblr ppl are having a lovely day, & congrats for getting to the end of this rather long post!
#stranger things#henry creel#alice creel#virginia creel#sam owens#martin brenner#richard brenner#el hopper#stranger things theory#stranger things analysis#vecna#mindflayer#will byers has powers#001 stranger things
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okay oppenheimer first impression
the best thing about the film is the structure: i think that is brilliantly done. and it doesn't feel 3 hours long at all unlike the dark knight, which i remember questioning how long it was going to be lol.
weirdly i think it could have been longer and that might have served the film better but my guess is no studio is going to let anyone release a 4 hour movie period.
my big critique of the film as far as filmmaking goes is that the pace is unrelenting from start to finish: it could have used some moments that broke that up a bit. I get why the pace is like that for most of the film and it thematically makes sense, but at the same time, what i really needed from it was a bit more breathing room in a few places.
the performances are uniformly great. i had my doubts about matt damon but i'm pretty sure the trailers used takes of scenes that they didn't use in the movie, and he worked a lot better than i expected in the takes that actually were in the film.
rdj was OUTSTANDING give that man an oscar. i hope he keeps taking roles like this.
i absolutely don't think the film is in any way interested in making a hero or a martyr out of Oppenheimer; it's actually quite critical of him, so that was also a relief.
having read the book the film is based on there's a few little things I wondered about the film leaving out or changing, but i also don't think it was in the service of making Oppenheimer out to be a better person than he was, so it bothers me less than it would otherwise.
As per usual with Nolan the (few) female characters aren't all that well served, especially Jean Tatlock, but Kitty has some good scenes. I think the film could have given better context to them and to her relationship with Oppenheimer, though.
as for Cillian's performance and Oppenheimer as a character (in the film, rather than a real person in history) i need to see it again to really articulate anything useful, but i think there just needed to be a bit more breathing room in the pacing/editing to do his performance justice, if that makes sense. it's so frenetic and there's constantly so much information coming at you it's hard to really absorb what he's doing, because his performance is very internal.
i think criticisms about not showing what happened to Japanese civilians might have some points but also not showing it may have been the right choice, i'm not sure. I need to think about it and read a bunch of reviews.
it was sort of an entire movie about exposition, lol. which isn't necessarily a criticism, it's a very dense story. I definitely didn't catch everything because it moves so fast.
I think this actually would have made a better limited series than it did a movie, but that might have undercut the structure and impact? idk. there's just *so much* to fit in. It would have been interesting to see someone take Nolan's structure and see what they might have done with it, idk.
None of this is to say it's a bad film, it's definitely an interesting film. I think there's a lot to criticize in it but the structure and the cast were really top notch.
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hello! I have finished re-reading Scrimshaw from the beginning. here are my thoughts! some of it is probably not very coherent. sorry about that. im not gonna edit it or anything this all just came from my brain as i was reading. also all of the questions are rhetorical. DO NOT feel like you have to answer them. this is just a stream of consciousness. im sure all will be revealed in later chapters anyway!!
Chapter 1
"You don’t work like that anymore." - voice of the dragon? Will absorbed his dragon due to trauma, if I'm understanding correctly. So the dragon still has a separate consciousness and set of memories? Or Will's soul has been replaced with the dragon's? Dragons' eyes can adjust to darkness! That's cool.
"your creations" - the moon created dragons. All of them? Or just some?
Winston had a collar at some point. Who put the collar on him? If the scales are chipped and scratched then the collar was most likely made of metal. Chains maybe? How did he come into Will's possession?
The dragonets are dragons who absorbed their humans. Can they remember their human selves? Do they still have their human intelligence? It would seem not.
The dragon is Hannibal, right? The stag antlers would seem to suggest as much. But he can't talk in dragon form and seemingly can't remember being a dragon when he is back in human form.
"He felt a flicking sensation by his ear, yelped, and clapped his hand to it." - this feels important. Can't put my finger on what it is yet. I'm guessing that wasn't Winston or Hannidragon? Abigail's dragon maybe? Since it is small. Idk man. More data needed.
Will talking to himself - seemingly two consciousnesses? Is this his human soul and dragon soul talking or just talking to himself? Could be either I suppose.
Chapter 4
How small actually IS Ellie? Are we talking chihuahua size or actual anemone size or what?
OMG I JUST REALISED WILL WANTED TO SEE AN INSECT DRAGON AND ABIGAILS IS A BUTTERFLY THATS SO CUTE
"He quietly mourned the pages of his notebook that he’d have to make edits to." - Will has never encountered anyone without a dragon before, huh. But. He doesnt have a dragon. Right? So why would he assume that No One Else has the same thing. Unless. ???? Will didnt HAVE a dragon and absorbed it, he IS a dragon. Wait wait wait he is a dragon for a Thing??? Like the moon??? And is in human form???? What's Will's Thing??? Is it fish. Its fish isnt it. /hj
Ok but if Will IS a dragon, like Luna, then why does he not know that people not having dragons is a thing. Because Luna knew, right? And she said it like it was a thing that happens reasonably frequently. Unless im misremembering.
Chapter 6
"He saw a man smile in his rearview mirror a couple of times, and impressed himself with how ready he was to accept that the image was himself." - more evidence that Will is a Thing Dragon. I'm on this train now choo choo motherfucker im onto you
“He’s a dragon too,” - hmmmmmmmm. And Will immediately says "What happened to him?" SO HE DOES KNOW. THAT PEOPLE CAN ABSORB DRAGONS. SO WHAT WAS HE GONNA CHANGE IN THE NOTEBOOK. IM SO CONFUSED. AM I MISSING SOMETHING im being stupid arent i. Probably
Chapter 10
Dragon in the woods. Does this dragon belong to someone or is this a Thing dragon? Mischa's dragon?
She's yelling at the ground. Is the ground sentient? Is there an Earth Dragon? Probably.
Shimmerscales says trans rights
So. Mischa had a male dragon. That Hannibal absorbed? And he was a girl at the time so now he's trans. Ok. So the dragon soul replaces the human soul when you absorb it? Or they combine? God what are the fucking mechanics of this im so. I can get it i think i just need to process lmao
So humans also count as Things. A dragon forms for every human born. So, is there a dragon for every single tree, or for the concept of trees as a whole? That's uh. That's a lot of dragons. Do you know how many beetles there are? If there's a dragon for every single beetle. Im overthinking again arent i
The knowledge that you have Read and Comprehended Scrimshaw is actually insane to me. You are absolutely wonderful. I hope to return the favour someday but I need to survive GCSEs first *sobbing emojis
Uh uh!!!! I'll answer the questions that I don't think I'll get around to answering naturally any time soon!! I'm giggling and kicking my feet so much rn you actually have no idea omg
-Winston's collar was there for the same reason dog Winston's was -- he was forgotten about and broke away. Technically this WILL be explained soon but I also think you deserve to know now seeing as you DID draw him (I treasure that drawing so much...)
-The flicking is the moon! I didn't explain that very well lmfao -- it happens after he badmouths her but I did NOT elaborate enough. However, the fact that she CAN flick him without being physically present is important... greeheehee
-Ellie's like... slightly smaller than a chihuahua. I did a little diagram a while back that I'll put in a reblog when I have my phone lmfao
-Abigail being an insect was completely unintentional 💀I wish I was smart enough to think of that intentionally LMFAOO (I KNEW there was a reason why I picked it. I didn't even realise)
-Part of Will's notebook is actually the next chapter (is that a spoiler?) so all you have to know for him will be revealed kuahahahah. You are NOT stupid for not knowing because I didn't really elaborate, like. At all. So there's genuinely no way you could have knew LMAO (thank goodness for second, third, fifteenth drafts)
-Luna was being silly when she explained how Hannibal's absorption worked so he's going to be figuring out the actual story himself. Basically, take everything she said with a pinch of salt -- like Hannibal is actually
-(Also yes. Defo an Earth-dragon. I mean... there's a moon-dragon! But idk if she was thinking of that or if she just wanted to yell at something lolll)
-THERE IS A DRAGON FOR EVERY SINGLE BEETLE!!! The finer point is:
-Every species is a Thing
-Every individual in that species is a Thing
So, there's a tree-dragon... and there's also a dragon for every tree. Thing is, dragons change in size based on the Thing's thoughts, so since rocks and things like that don't think at all, their dragons are really small. They do hold little dragon teaparties together though.
Also, OTHER people's thoughts can increase the size of a dragon, too! Hence why the moon was a stupid rock, but eons of worship turned her into a big, powerful, shapeshifting dragon.
Everybody in the fic gives you kisses as thanks
#SZASKS#Mike 🥺#I figured out how to do emojis on computer kuahahah#I am unstoppable#SCRIMSHAW#Scrimshaw tag because YES?
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Here I saw that you dropped this so I came into your inbox to return it to you 🖊️ (give me any precious OC you have in stock I wanna Know about them)
ty for the ask!! (eats 🖊 whole) everything is below :]
i shall talk about devin for 2day.. my token failboy. God
he's from earth Except it Sucks!! because he's ostracized a lot and has no friends💔 he will often come home and indulge himself in a bunch of his hobbies like drawing ,writing , making music, he's literally just the art kid. he was into a lot of fantasy and imagining himself in those kinds of worlds, doing lots of heroics , yeah you see where this is going . The irony
his only company is his mom which he doesn't mind too much, but it's led him to develop a very self centered attitude (he focused more on himself because he didn't have other people to empathize with if that makes sense?)mf never learned how to share
he ends up in the spiral because there was an urgent situation where mana was flooding into earth, quinn was sent to deal with it. he was worried that devin absorbed it because he could sense his magic and also wanted to save him because devin had some weird negative aura cast on him Somehow (effects include nausea and blurry vision, headaches to anyone nearby, fun all around) quinn was like What Is Going On, panicked, and took him along. worried about this decision later because what if the teachers flip . the plan was just to help devin and bring him back home (uhh very long groan. because this is wizard101 we all know the latter didn't happen)
coming into the spiral has changed devin a Lot for better and for worse. he felt guilty for leaving his mom behind, and she disappeared when he came back to visit. he was excited to learn magic but i think the realization settled in after he killed a man (malistaire)
as the arcs go on he has friends now! finally a circle of people who will accept him. he learns what empathy is because of that! hes still silly and loud but he becomes selfless, a bit more mature and level headed. but he feels like he's become "too selfless" to the point where he's going a little nuts ? always being self sacrificing just to save everyone if possible? the yw pipeline. he wishes he could settle down for A Minute to use his hands to create art again not destroy things . gwah.
just wait until he hears about azteca🙄
he learns his dad is the giant tree and his mom straight up stole him when he was like 3 or something and took him away . Crazy. he's conflicted by the fact that he's being shaped into a weapon by no matter who it is? his mom or the spiral? (his mom is a completely different can of worms I will not be getting to rnLOL but yeah she was just plotting to use him for selfish reasonz) he doesn't like knowing he was born for the sake of (all the horrors he's had to deal with. Erm?) and wants to have an identity seperate from that. his friends remind him that he's still just a human being too. he's doing his best
he delved more into astral magic around arc 3 which was not by choice. at all. (crazy woman told him to . idk why but ihave a lot of evil wizarfd women) and he should not have learned that much but he did! uhmwhoops. it's hazardous. it does not just enhance spells -he could accidentally fuck up time and space. he's learning how to control it with eden and lalin because he needs to eventually. does not actually go to the arcanum scholar about it because he's terrified of seeming like a threat to them
hypothetically he could time travel but that's for his super secret alternate version who's stuck in a time loop we don't worry about that guy
devin's other path would've been a villain if quinn never dragged him into the spiral,, he was missing and people were looking for him but it was near impossible to find him because of the aura he had going on. ambrose's spell wouldn't have worked. (his mom was taking a lot of precautions) it was just known that the scion was out there and he needs to get his ass in the spiral asap or we're all fucked (quinn standing there like 🧍♂️as if he isn't ambrose's errand boy)
devin's alternate self is aware of him and is supposed to show/answer "which life would've been better for him". since he's obviously not having a care free time in both
dasein kinda reached him around empyrea because of the astral magic stuff sorta fucking with reality but it was very limited
oh and his eyes turn from full purple to a tint of blue he's got stardust hands now. it's "contagious" and he can flick his hands onto anything and get glitter all over it, he does it a lot on his friends . his blood is also glitter. somebody help him. pros: glitter. Cons: black holes. is it worth it
he's trying to start a silly band.. only amari and erin will join nd they will never stop annoying the others about it
devin is good at the storm spells, but the machines related stuff that his teacher assigns? not at all.so he cheats and asks for eden to do it
his pet is a zappy glowbug who's always scared of everything and frequently flies into glass. it acts as his nightlight. it's also probably radioactive . it can charge your devices but they have a chance of exploding. has also probably electrocuted people
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