#specifically ones of him in the other fit
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my campaign hiatus has gone on for too long so to cope ive combined my interests at their maximum potency and had some dnd-strawhats thoughts
thoughts in depth under read more... :)!
this is SO self indulgent. their designs literally did not change. but i am a firm believer that dnd doesnt have to be european high fantasy. and also one piece literally IS fantasy. no changes are necessary to fit into dnd. ive already imagined plenty of campaign/oneshot ideas inspired by one piece. so this was basically just an exercise of trying to replicate their canon abilities in dnd 5e as much as possible without totally homebrewing everything. well. aside from luffy. you just cant take away or change his stretching.
LUFFY: (human monk. drunken master subclass. outlander)
the only plain human of the crew to balance out with the fact that he still has rubber powers. obviously a monk. but drunken master subclass specifically because i think the flavor(not the fact that its about being a drunkard) and abilities both fit him really well. this line in the subclass' flavortext especially fits him: "A drunken master often enjoys playing the fool to bring gladness to the despondent or to demonstrate humility to the arrogant, but when battle is joined, the drunken master can be a maddening, masterful foe."
ZORO: (tiefling fighter. samurai subclass. bounty hunter)
a fighter with the samurai subclass is so very incredibly obvious... but i actually had a lot of fun geeking out while comparing the abilities to what he can do in canon; Fighting Spirit, Rapid Strike, and Strength Before Death especially! tiefling is also pretty on the nose for his demon pirate hunter shtick and asura form, but i thought he'd be really human-passing for a tiefling and theorized about his tail getting cut off at some point or another before joining the strawhats. initially wasnt gonna give him a feat, but i gave sanji a feat so i thought itd be unfair to not give him one as well, so sentinel fits the bill pretty well i think!
NAMI: (tabaxi rogue. arcane trickster subclass. criminal)
cat burglar -> full grown literal humanoid cat. this one is INCREDIBLY self indulgent... i love... cats... theres nothing deeper to this and no other reasoning. i took cat burglar and ran with it. can you tell that i love izutsumi dungeon meshi? rogue for the aforementioned burglar-ing as well, and the arcane trickster subclass for when she picks up climatact! the mage hand will be very useful for her pickpocketing. in the future as she levels up with timeskip, i can totally see her multiclassing into wizard as well! weather wizard!
USOPP: (lightfoot halfling artificer. artillerist subclass. urchin)
I HAD SO MUCH FUN THINKING ABOUT HIS CHARACTER SHEET. halfling's Naturally Stealthy ability lets him hide behind his crewmates since theyre (almost) all bigger than him, so its perfect for hiding behind zoro or sanji all the time. Lucky is also perfect for him, and I think Brave fits pretty well too when he puts on the sogeking mask. artillerist artificer is also very fun! tinkering and making magic items for his crew, and i think Eldritch Canon or Arcane Firearm could both be easily reflavored as kabuto or any of his inventions. for emphasizing his sniper-ness, the spell sniper feat was also necessary. i think hes my favorite of all the concepts. big ears and long nose combo is so cute to me.
SANJI: (half-elf monk. drunken master subclass. guild artisan (cook!))
race was mostly based on vibes i wont lie. squints. and that vinsmoke balogna or whatever too ig. but mostly vibes. along with the idea that i think a dwarf zeff raising him would be really funny and cute. monk is also obvious, and same subclass as luffy for mostly the same reasons. though the flavor fits him much less, i think the abilities still fit him perfectly, and this blurb specifically; "Your martial arts technique mixes combat training with the precision of a dancer." i really wanted to give him a different subclass from luffy, but i dislike all the other monk subclasses a lot and i found none of them fit him as well anyways, so to try and give them SOME differences, i gave him the crusher feat.
CHOPPER: (awakened deer(shifter statblock) cleric. life subclass. hermit)
this ones definitely a mouthful im sorry. awakened deer for obvious reasons, but due to magic instead of devil fruit stuff. when i was struggling with his race, i looked a lot at shifter because of his forms, but it occurred to me that itd be super cool if he could shift between all of the different shifter options instead of being stuck with just one to replicate his rumble balls. something like heavy point/guard point=beasthide, horn point/arm point(?maybe?)=longtooth, walk point/jumping point=swiftstride, and brain point=wildhunt. hed definitely need some kind of nerf though to balance out that homebrew... and cleric for class. duh.
ROBIN: (high elf wizard. order of scribes subclass. criminal)
robin is definitely the one i struggled the most with just because of her class. elf came pretty easily- shes very elegant and i think shed look cute with super long ears- and i landed on high elf instead of wood elf for the int-based abilities. i was really on the fence between sorcerer and wizard for her because i knew shed be a full spellcaster, but i didnt feel that any of the subclasses really fit her. i ended up going with wizard for order of the scribes since it focuses on texts and knowing everything. but also because robin with a flying talking sentient book would be crazy cool. it could also be similar to how she spawns mouths and eyes places to talk to or watch people. my "fuck it, why not. this would be rad. its my house" mindset kicked in with her i will admit. also the One with the Word ability made me cackle out loud when i read it. thats the funniest ability ever. anyways, i cant really think of a way to replicate her powers, but maybe we could just reflavor a bunch of spells to be her limbs or clutch; hold person, maximillian's earthen grasp, or evard's black tentacles. thatd probably work okay, and theres a handful of spells to replicate her ability to spawn eyes or mouths. unrelated, but i imagine nico olvia to be a drow. why? her hair is white. i am a simple man!
#had a full on fixation explosion with this one Dont even look at me im posting this at 4am for a reason.#I HAD FUN THATS ALL THAT MATTERS. I MISS DND SO BAD. CAMPAIGN HIATUS OVER SOON. I MUST LIVE#not really like an au or redesign or whatever but i wanted to draw a lineup anyways to show just. very miniscule differences#i guess. mostly an excuse just to draw a lineup of the strawhats. i fucknig guess#will probably do a part 2 cause i have more thoughts; franky+brook+ace+vivi are on the menu boys#its bothering me so much that usopp and nami are both orange in the read more. but there is no yellow text-fill on tumblr. sad#also just fist fought this post in the drafts for an hour bc i dont understand the character limit#so if i fucked this up im moving to the mountains#wtf... art#one piece fanart#dnd#dnd 5e#mugiwara crew#straw hat pirates#monkey d luffy#luffy#roronoa zoro#zoro#cat burglar nami#nami#usopp#black leg sanji#sanji#tony tony chopper#nico robin
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thinking about a dumb jock boy again.
specifically a dumb jock boy who you help with studying in the library sometimes. i’m talking about pushing your heads together as you go over your notes. his side pressing into yours as he reaches out to take the pen from your hand. him asking you for your number so that he can hit you up if he has ‘any more questions’. the whole shebang.
and you, well… you don’t mind giving it to him. he’s big and strong and surprisingly kind-hearted — at least way more than you’d initially thought — and he always smells like men’s body wash because he usually comes to see you after he’s done hitting the showers after practice. he’s nice. simple. the broad shoulders and easy-going attitude are just an added bonus.
sometimes, if he’s in a rush, he comes to the library with his cheeks flushed red and his hair still damp. you watch, hiding your gaze underneath your lashes, as his hair slowly upturns and frizzes at the ends because of the water, and can’t help but find it cute. can’t help but find him cute. it’s a realisation that startles you at first, but you make no effort to push it away. he seems to know it, too.
weeks pass and you eventually grow closer. he texts you just for fun sometimes now, not only to arrange the time for your next study session. you went out on a little coffee date that neither of you called an actual date once or twice, even if he doesn’t drink coffee and you’d opted for a hot chocolate instead.
fleeting glances turn into familiarity and slightly awkward waves turn into quick hugs goodbye. he greets you with excitement whenever you bump into each other on campus; not caring that his group of friends give him confused looks when he chooses to come running up to you.
“yo, guess what; i passed!” he says, his smile stretching from ear to ear when he reaches you. he pulls the crumpled exam paper from his backpack and shoves it into your chest with puppy-like enthusiasm that almost knocks you off your feet. “but imma still need some help with the one that’s on tuesday… so you’re down to study with me again, right? you gonna swing by?”
what a silly question, of course you will! he’s your friend now and it’s a nice friendship you’ve got going on here, so why wouldn’t you pay a short visit to his dorm so that you can go over the material together?
and you do — you do go over the material together. you help him study and quiz him, and then when he tells you that he can’t possibly fit any more information into his brain tonight, you order takeout and watch a movie together.
however, besides that, you also end up with your skirt hiked up and with your thighs wrapped around his head; threatening to squeeze all that air out of his dumb skull each time he brings you closer to your climax. you end up with two thick fingers pumping into your pussy at a steady, perhaps just a liiittle impatient pace, and with a warm tongue pressed tightly against your clit. you end up cumming with your own hand clamped over your mouth so that you can stifle the moans that are threatening to spill out, and that become sort of muffled when he dips down to kiss you.
it’s just his way of saying thanks… maybe he can teach you a thing or two as well.
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Have you heard the theory that Leona knows about the light trio and their cosmic magic being different? Leona knows a lot of things other people don’t like about Styx and getting all quiet when he learns that Grim has been eating blot stones. He knew Jamil was sus and intended to harm Kalim too. If you look at his room he has a chess board with what looks like a rook knight and pawn. Rook = Rook, knight = Silver, pawn = Kalim. What do you think?
*squints*
Holy crap, you're right 😳 Those look like rook, knight, and pawn chess pieces in Leona's room...
The color and specific pieces are way too oddly specific and match too well with the light trio???
Rook as the rook piece is the obvious one since they share a name. Silver is an actual knight, making him fitting for the knight piece. And then we have Kalim, who is the "pawn" used in Jamil's scheme. It can also be said that he's generally easily manipulated due to his trusting nature, which also makes him suit the pawn piece.
I'm not sure if there was any intended meaning behind this design choice, but I like the interpretation that Leona knows more than he lets on. It's very in line with his character and how he is highly intelligent but chooses to not speak about what he knows until it's relevant and suits his agenda. You've already pointed out some of the examples of Leona having more knowledge than the average person, so I won't reiterate them here.
Thank you for sharing this theory! It's such a subtle background detail that it could be easily overlooked; I don't think I would have noticed it otherwise.
#twisted wonderland#twst#Leona Kingscholar#Rook Hunt#Jamil Viper#Kalim Al-Asim#Silver#Scarabia#disney twisted wonderland#disney twst#notes from the writing raven#question#Grim#twst theory#twst theories#twisted wonderland theories#twisted wonderland theory
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ok top five scenes from the kung fu panda universe (any of the movies, shorts, shows, etc). could be fight scenes, character moments, etc etc so on and so forth
FERN THIS IS SO HARD. FOR ME. UHM !!!!
ESCAPE FROM GONGMEN TOWER please watch it right now please please it's such an underrated scene musically and visually. this is the scene where tigress catches a flaming arrow and that's the exact moment i became a homosexual. vic history. it's also the scene where we see her chops as a leader of the five and the way she's fit into this role to balance out Po so well. and also all her potential as who she could've been, if she'd been chosen to be the dragon warrior herself. but she's not.
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MUSICIAN'S VILLAGE I LOVE this scene the way it introduces, to the audience, that the score is going to play a part in the fight scenes of this movie is absolutely magnificent. and the way we get reintroduced to the furious five's + po's fighting style, and it reminds us immediately that they are formidable--and then sets up the inciting incident of the plot with so much mystery (and we see the 2d animation style again too, which has always represented po's inner subconscious. WHY DIDN'T THEY DO THAT FOR THE FOURTH MOVIE. whatever)
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i would say the bridge fight (kfp1) and i adore that scene but i have to say, i really love the performances, the ambience, the color boards, the sound effects, and the emotional impact of shifu and tai lung's fight in the 3rd act more. i love when kfp actually invested time in its non-main protag characters. tai lung was an absolutely fascinating villain and this scene just rounds out his character so well
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The entirety of the secrets of the scroll short film oh my god i love that one so much. teenage tigress. my baby girl.
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FUCK okay and then the fireworks factory (2nd movie) where Po confronts Shen about his past. And he gets shot with a cannon and Tigress doesn't get to him in time. breaks my heart every time. i'm going to include the scene where Tigress and Po fight right before that in the jail too bc the musical score called "Fireworks Factory" starts with THEIR HUG. AND IT ENDS WITH HER RUNNING TO CATCH HIM. AND FAILING. MY BAKA LIFE !!!!! i don't even ship them anymore like i did when i was 14 i mostly just love tigress but their platonic relationship is v important to me. i have to include their hug bc that did irreparable damage to me as a tween. sorry the quality of the first vid is so ass. their relationship in the entire 2nd movie is so good i could write a whole analysis on it probably. it's paining me physically to not include their earlier boat scene talk.
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this is also the scene where tigress snarls at the gorilla and that changed my brain chemistry forever.
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i love the entire second movie this is so hard for me AUGHHHGHGH okay quick honorary mention: i also love the scene where we see shen fight the three masters (rhino, croc, ox). that quick fight scene is SO well executed. the dialogue and the performances are incredible. i used to have every line of dialogue of this movie memorized and especially loved reciting this scene (skip to 1:10)
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and then if i had to pick a moment from the third one it's the one where oogway's statue gets wrecked at the jade palace. it lands emotionally very well for a scene that could have easily been mishandled too comedically or too quickly. like it still gives me chills. and i'm not even gonna touch on the character animation/acting of tigress and shifu here bc GOD. kai's theme does rock also!!! AND i LOVE the colors in this movie SO MUCH holy fuck
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and then a minor detail from the first one is i love how the characters act with each other, namely the five and shifu. they clearly have a history and/or comradery with each other. shifu undoing the nerve damage tai lung did in a way specific to each of his students stands out to me in particular.
1 and 2 are masterpieces to me and i have my Things about the 3rd one but overall, a beautiful trilogy. i wish the 4th one didn't exist im killing it with my bare hands. vic hate movie? vic murder it. 5th rule of the streets.
#you sly dog. you've got me monologuing#if u saw me listening to the soundtrack the whole time i answered this. yeah you did#star's asks#fernsnailz#kfp
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Batfamily supporting one another's hobbies: Cassandra edition
Cassandra canonically and in my heart loves to dance, any sort of dance but ballet specifically, it makes her feel graceful and beautiful and while she knows that any ballet dancer has a kick like a mule, and her family knows that she's one of the best martial artists in the world, she likes that people perceive ballerina, and therefore her, as delicate and dainty. She's never been considered delicate or dainty before and it both pleases and amuses her.
Bruce makes the time to go with Cassandra as she investigates the various ballet schools and companies associated with Gotham to see which one of them fits her wants and needs. When she finds the one she likes best, Bruce becomes the school's anonymous sponsor. It it extremely anonymous since Cassandra, who enters the school under the name of Cassandra Drake, wants to earn any role she might play because of her skill rather than because she's a Wayne. Bruce also has flowers for Cassandra after her every performance. Who presents her with the flowers is determined by a competition almost as cutthroat as the competition for Alfred's cookies.
Tim learns enough ballet to dance with Cassandra, specifically to do lifts for her and other assistant dancer sort of things, helping her shine as the prima ballerina she is and getting the chance to have quality time with his sister/favorite sibling. He doesn't have the time to be part of any productions but he's very popular in the dance classes since his presence gives more people the chance to practice the lifts and assisted spins. He's also a translator for those days when Cassandra doesn't/can't verbally speak and just signs instead.
Dick would have learned to assist her with lifts and spins and such but he's very busy and pulled twenty different directions by twenty different people at any given time. Instead he designs costumes for Cassandra and her performances. While Dick's fashion sense for vigilante costumes is bonkers and impractical, his sense of style for performance costumes is absolutely on point and Cassandra's troupe becomes well known for both their skill and their amazing costumes.
Jason didn't think about it and now won't because he doesn't want to be seen as copying the Replacement, he might start teaching himself to play the piano to accompany the two of them as their musician for a private family performance, if they want
Damian is currently too short to be good at lifts and even if he had thought of it he, like Jason, doesn't want anyone to think he's copying Tim. He will, however, paint a portrait of Cassandra as Odette, her first lead role. Damian also occasionally hangs out at the dance school to sketch the ballerinas after he's done with his own schooling for the day. He will ignore anyone who isn't Cassandra who attempts to talk to him. However, in one instance, when an interloper attempted to harass one of the ballerinas, Damian interceded, broke the man's arm, and ensured security removed and banned the man from the premises. The ballerinas consider Damian their adorable little guardian. Damian just scoffs and insists he was only doing it because he didn't want Cassandra to have to deal with any subpar replacements.
Duke is currently trying to catch up in normal bat skills and doesn't quite have the time to add ballet to his plate though he's at every performance and cheers the loudest. He absolutely cheats the most to be the one to present flowers to Cassandra most often out of the family and is the one who can give her verbal praise for her dancing instead of just grunting like a certain others in the family.
Stephanie is a terrible dancer. She owns it and laughs at it but she would not be able to be part of any ballet or assist in ballet practice to save her life. She also doesn't really want to dance ballet. Instead Stephanie helps Cassandra break in her toe shoes, is at every performance, does her best to cheer louder than Duke, and will go with Cassandra to see other ballet performances.
Alfred also ensures that Cassandra and her ballet friends have appropriate snacks and stay hydrated. He's very proud of her for developing civilian friends.
#tim drake#batman#bruce wayne#batfamily#jason todd#dick grayson#damian wayne#gotham#stephanie brown#batfam#look I just want them to be family#and support one another#let me have this#cassandra wayne#give cassandra friends#duke thomas#ballerina cassandra wayne#I like the idea of the batkids using one another's surnames as alternate identities#Cassandra's go to alternate surname will be Drake#Sometimes Draper#This makes Tim smug
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For me, Link being "unhealthily obsessed with Zelda and finding her to the point Ganondorf is a footnote" isn't something that I think is "bad" at all, but precisely what makes this version of him remotely interesting (to me) when Nintendo is otherwise so adamant about keeping him a stoic knight most of the time.
It adds a different layer to him, turns him from this perfect, bland stoic boy into someone who only outwardly appears that way, appears like he has everything together, but is in fact flawed inside and a little broken from what has happened to him. A little off. That makes him much more interesting to me. It gives him a major character flaw that can be exploited by his enemies, and what do you know, Ganondorf and the Yiga Clan do exactly that (they even remark on what good bait she makes).
I also find it interesting to think about when he became this way. Was it the years he spent with her in-between games? Was it well before that, when he was aimlessly chasing that "beautiful voice" even before he remembered who he was? Was it some point before the Calamity? Did he become a knight in the first place not merely to follow his father's footsteps, but to one day protect her? I find this compelling to think about. Is making a specific person your life's purpose unhealthy in real life? Yes. It's also very interesting in a story.
And also on that note, isn't him becoming at least a little too obsessed with her a completely natural thing to happen?
For me, if you take away Link's (yes, I'll admit, unhealthy although I kind of like that), obsession with Zelda, then all that is left is the exact ways that people who hate not only zelink but Link himself describe him as all the time: A robot who feels nothing but duty.
And sorry, but I just find that very boring. Dull. Unexciting. I also, then, can't see why on earth Zelda would have feelings for Link if she's just a duty to him and her acts of affection, like sewing him a new tunic, are never returned. Frankly, I think she deserves a lot better than that, to have her feelings reciprocated and a happy ending after all that she's been through.
And to be honest, why would any writer make her feelings unreciprocated when she's basically the main focus of these two games? How does that make any sense? I also doubt any professional game dev working on a deadline would waste precious time writing and coding dialogue about it into the games if it supposedly wasn't meant to mean anything? I honestly rather dislike people brushing off things like Kass's song, because it ignores that it was purposefully written by the game's creators to tell the player something. It not only feels disrespectful to whoever wrote it, but ignores an extremely common convention of video games. I don't think it's really very fair to call it "bad writing" simply because it delivers the information like a video game and not like other visual mediums would have. Video games have always demanded the player to read things, investigate and read between the lines. Especially so when they are more focused on gameplay, which is exactly where Nintendo's focus lies.
And when it comes to "it should have been more obviously shown", well, look how people complain even when it's subtle? If you're someone who hates it, why complain about the romance not being overly blatant? Isn't that good? I mean, clearly an even bigger fit about it would have been thrown if they had been even more obvious, so personally, I think that the way Nintendo went about it was perfectly fine.
#zelink#totk#tears of the kingdom#link#breath of the wild#botw#legend of zelda#tloz#loz#zelda#princess zelda
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Daddy issues
꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎
Pairing: Chan X gn reader
Summary: A simple phone call from your father and Chan's added anger makes you mentally crumble.
Genre: Angst & comfort/hurt
Word Count: 7.3K
Trigger warning: Parental issues, (specifically daddy issues) emotional abuse and neglect, physical abuse, a bit of an unhealthy romantic relationship, anger, self-hatred, blood, self-harm, mentions and attempt of suicide via razor blade, and a panic attack.
A/N: Even without the request, I feel like this has been a long time coming. Please heed the trigger warnings. Please. Shout out to all the baddies out there with parental issues. Shout out to all the Chan stans with daddy issues. You're so strong, keep going, I believe in all of you <3
Requestee, I hope this leaves you satisfied. I don't think you ever said you were struggling, but just by this, it seems you are. I hope this helps you cope with whatever struggles you either have had or currently are facing in life.
I did change a few things around to fit the story more, but most of it's the same. I think I got everything you wanted in there, besides those few minor changes. I also experimented with time jumps which is new, but I think they were needed for this one. This is a long one, so buckle up and please enjoy!! <3
_ _ _
The words are thrown around without much thought. Daddy issues this and mommy issues that. People wear them like a badge of honor. Always seeking out other people that can fill the gaps that their parents left behind. Searching for temporary band-aids to cover wounds that need stitches to heal.
Everyone wants to be perfect. Nobody wants to admit that the people who were supposed to love them the most fucked them up the worst. Nobody ever wants to admit that their nurture was ripped away before they ever got it. Cruelty swaddled them instead of sweetness. Neglect and despair instead of encouragement and understanding. Some people were doomed from the start.
At twenty-two years old, you understood that your daddy issues were a noose around your neck, they were always there. A poking twine that pressed against your windpipe and jugular. All it took was a few words and the noose tightened. It was suffocating, it was restricting, and it was paralyzing.
There was a devil and an angel on each shoulder. One was angry and smoldering. Smoke bellowed out of its ears and it was always ready to snap. The other was an angel, sweet and soft-spoken, constantly reassuring you that you had it better than most. Of course you did because, at least, you had a dad, right?
Any dysfunctional relationship could cause a rocky conscience. You swore you were doomed from the start. You’d never fall in love. Nobody would be able to care about you in the way you wanted them to. At least, it was like that until Bang Chan.
When Chan came into your life, you fell hard. You didn’t get a chance to stand before your knees were jerked out beneath you. He was strong, he was charming, he was dominating, and he was everything you wanted him to be.
Being older meant he had more wisdom and more life experience. He was soaked with the knowledge that you craved. He understood you, he got you, and heading towards his later twenties, he was hesitant when you showed up. While you turned twenty-five, he’d be thirty.
You didn’t let that stop you from wowing him. From caring about him with every fiber of your being, you would have given up everything to appease him and more. Hell, if he experienced organ failure, you’d cut yourself open without a second thought and rip it from your insides with a smile on your face. You were down bad, but your issues were still there.
You were aware of them when you seeked out his validation. When you kept asking if he was sure he still loved you. You couldn’t shake everything that your father had ingrained in you, but you were still so desperate to fill that void.
Some would say it’s weird, but you would say that you needed him to survive. You needed him. He was the air in your lungs and the familiar thump of your heart. You needed him as much as plants needed the sun. Like the Earth needed the moon and like bees needed pollen. You called it destiny whereas a few of your family members called it desperation, but they didn’t understand it. They just…didn’t get it. They had no idea what you had been through. They didn’t understand the gaping wounds that had yet to be stapled, but Chan got it instantly.
He realized it after you swayed the conversation in another direction at the mention of your family. He knew it when fathers were brought up and the hurt flashed across your eyes. He knew it when you clung to him like a koala with fear and asked for clarification on his thoughts about you.
You were damaged and he knew that. He didn’t mind because everyone had their issues and besides, at the end of the day, he still loved you as you were. He was thrilled to wrap his arms around you when you curled around him and point out everything he loves about you.
From the squish of your soft cheeks, the curve of your nose, the shade of your eyes, and the way you dress, he loved it all. The good, the bad, and the ugly, he gave the relationship his all; you both did. No matter how much the guys joked that he was a silver fox, he always rolled his eyes and shook off their comments. They were just joking and he knew that deep down, the guys cared about you too.
He knew a lot about you, but he didn’t realize just how much these issues bothered you. He didn’t realize that you were nearly suffocating yourself. Out of all the things he knew, he had no idea how much you silently suffered until you snapped.
∘₊✧──────✧₊∘
The day started a lot like any other day. You went to work and by the time you finished, you found a text message from Chan announcing that he’d be at the studio later tonight. It was one of those days where the creative juices were overflowing and he wanted to get everything worked out before he forgot.
You didn’t mind it and started to head home, but then you thought about the dimpled smile and sparkly eyes of Chan. God, you were utterly smitten. With a quick change of direction, you found yourself heading towards the JYP studio instead of your apartment.
Give or take twenty minutes and you were walking into your second home. The JYP building truly has become your home away from home. You came here a lot to support Chan and the guys. It was strange having an extra person along, but eventually, they grew used to your antics.
The guys accepted you with open arms and when you came around, they got excited. Sometimes you brought presents, like cookies. Other times, just your brief distraction sidetracked them from their ongoing issues. That temporary change of direction helped them sort out their issues quicker.
You checked in at the front desk and pulled on your guest badge. It was a new system that the company had been doing after a sasaeng had managed to gain access to the building. If you were found roaming the halls without a pass or a security badge, you were instantly booted unless you could properly explain yourself.
You tugged the lanyard over your head and practically skipped to the studio room. Upon knocking, the door opened to reveal Changbin. A grin pressed his cheeks up into points. “Hi!”
“Hey,” you returned the smile, “is Ch-”
He jerked the door open wider to reveal Chan in the background. Chan was directing whoever was in the booth. You picked up Felix’s deep voice in the background. Chan was sitting in a hoodie and a pair of navy blue basketball shorts. He bobbed his head along to the voice.
“You can come in, just try to keep it down because we’re rec-”
“You’ve got it.”
He opened the wooden door wider and you stepped inside. In the booth, headphones were over Felix’s ears. His messy blonde hair had been pushed around by the band connecting the ear covers.
His eyes focused on the lyrics as he sang. You slung your bag to the side and smiled as you saw Jeongin sitting on the opposite side of the couch. The two of you exchanged a wave and you quietly came to sit beside him on the opposite side.
Changbin snuck back into the chair beside Chan and Felix continued to sing. After a few more seconds, Felix’s voice cracked and he stopped singing. “Fuck!” He cried out.
“I don’t ever recall that being part of the song,” Jeongin mumbled.
“Yeah, what Innie said,” Changbin agreed.
Chan stopped the recording with a sigh. He pressed a button, so Felix could hear him in the booth. “Felix, is something wrong today? This is the fourth time your voice has cracked. Do you need us to change the lyrics or-”
“No! No! No! Of course, I don’t need you to change the lyrics! It’s just the pitch of the song. It’s so high and I’m really trying my best here, but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to get it or not and oh-” His eyes brightened when he saw you. “When did you get here?”
Chan shifted in his seat and blinked when he saw you behind him. You smiled softly at him. “Hi, baby.”
“What are you doing here? I told you that I’d be home late.”
“I know, but I just wanted to see you.”
“I’m busy.”
“I’m fully aware. I have no intention of stopping you from working. I’ll sit here silently without a peep. You won’t even know I’m here.”
“Yeah, right,” he mumbled beneath his breath.
Felix and Changbin both shot him a glare. Changbin’s fingers jabbed into Chan’s side. Chan was worked up and stressed because Felix wasn’t getting this part of the song. It wasn’t just Felix that had struggled, everyone was struggling.
Chan had created the instrumentals of this song and thought it’d be a home run, but he hadn’t considered how much the pitch would be a struggle for some of the guys. He was frustrated because if they couldn’t reach the right note, the song would have to be scrapped and he was distracted by other songs he wanted to work on.
Seungmin’s silky and strong vocals weren’t the same as Felix’s deeper tone. Han’s wide range of vocals wasn’t the exact same as what Minho was comfortable with. Songs could be challenging and this seemed to be the biggest challenge yet.
Luckily for you, you hadn’t heard Chan’s mumble because your phone vibrated in your hands. You swiped the screen before thinking and held the phone up to your ear. “Hello?”
When Chan rolled his eyes, Changbin slapped him in the back of the head. “What is your issue today?” He whispered. “Knock it off and stop being an asshole.”
“We’re busy and-”
“So tell them to leave and don’t be an asshole about it.”
“Easy for you to say, you don’t have a significant other always up your ass.”
“You're the world’s biggest asshole right now and unless you want to lose them, I’d drop the attitude. Just because you’re frustrated, it doesn’t give you the right to be a jerk. Use your words, you’re supposed to be the oldest in the room, so act like it.”
“Oh, so you’re finally picking up the phone this time?”
Your father’s voice in your ear caused your heart to sink to your stomach. The blood in your veins turned to ice. You shut your eyes before responding. “I’m sorry, but I’ve been busy recently and I-”
“Busy my ass. You can text your mother, but not me? I was the one who created you and you still can’t be grateful for that. Without me, you’d be nothing.”
“I’ve been texting the family group chat and I-”
“You know damn well that I don’t give a shit about no family group chat!”
You winced and pushed yourself up. Jeongin stared at you with a raised eyebrow. When you noticed, you flashed him a smile and held up a finger to let him know that you’d only be a minute. Before anyone could say anything, you disappeared outside the room and into the empty hallway.
“What do you want?”
“Is it a crime to want to know how my child is doing?”
Your stomach twisted into thoughts as your father scoffed. A frown appeared on your face and, even though he couldn’t see you, you shook your head.
“I’m sorry, but it’s difficult to find time to talk when we’re on different time zones and-”
“Bullshit! You’re an ungrateful piece of shit! I gave you this goddamn life and you can’t even come visit! I have to find out from Google that you’re dating an idol! What have you told him? Why won’t he come visit?”
“Nothing!” Your voice squeaked in shock. “I haven’t told him anything, he’s just so busy. He’s in a band and we-”
“Then bring him down here, so your mother and I can meet him! What happened to respecting your parents? I didn’t even give you permission to date him!”
As his voice raised louder, you tugged the phone away from your ear. A lump began to form in your throat as curse words were thrown your way. You shut your eyes and waited for him to calm down. Your hands were shaking as you mumbled into the phone.
“I think I’m losing reception, I’ll call you back in a while.”
“Don’t you fucking hang up on m-”
The click ended his words before he got out the sentence. All at once, the weight of everything fell on top of you. Insult after insult wormed deeper and deeper into your brain. You wanted, you needed, to speak to Chan. You weren’t strong enough to deal with this on your own yet.
You shoved your phone into the back pocket of your jeans and pushed the door open. Felix was singing again and your fingers curled into your palms. “Chan?” Your voice came out hoarse. “Can we talk for a moment?”
The sound of your voice caused Jeongin to look up with a face full of worry. Even Changbin glanced behind his shoulder to check on you. When Felix caught Changbin’s head turning, he looked up to find you rapidly blinking back tears. His singing stopped and Chan’s fist flew into the desk.
The rattling of the desk shook your soul. It started everyone, but you the most. Suddenly, you were five years old again in the back of your father’s van. You were weak and vulnerable. Defenseless, there was nothing you could do as your father’s wrath expanded along the four locked doors.
You sucked it in and you couldn’t breathe. Your heart hammered in your chest, but there was nothing, absolutely nothing you could do. You were five and yet the anger of a thousand angry men was cast at you.
It vibrated the marrow in your bones. The strands of your heart strings curled inward. Your childlike curiosity shattered in the backseat. Stay quiet, don’t utter a word, just take the yelling. Like a deer in headlights, you were trapped.
It funneled down your throat and created a lump. Crocodile tears appeared in your eyes. You sniffled and your bottom lip shook, you were alone once more. Alone in the thunder and anguish; the swirl of one man’s anger.
A flower in the middle of a tornado. Thrown, chucked, depetaled. Ripped from the stem and crushed between the winds. At the end, you were ripped to shreds and utterly defeated. Not even the thorns of your own stem could save you.
“Goddammit! Why can’t you just go home? I’m trying to work here and you’re ruining it! I don’t have time for you right now! Go home and I’ll deal with your bullshit later. This is my career we’re talking about!”
The song’s soft instrumentals faded in the background as the song ended. You couldn’t stop the tears from slipping down your cheeks. It stung more than you ever would have imagined. The words were a sharp sting to your cheek. The noose of daddy issues choked you again and you couldn’t breathe.
“See you later,” you mumbled as you tipped your head down and rushed towards the door. You pawed at your tears and rushed into the hall and down the corridor to head home.
“What the fuck was that for?” Changbin snapped.
“We’re working!”
“And they were crying! If you would have taken five seconds to look behind you, you would have-”
“Don’t try to guilt trip me! It’s bullshit! I probably hurt their feelings. Whatever. We have work to do. I’ll apologize later.”
While the two bickered, Jeongin stepped up and disappeared out the door to try and find you. Whatever you were struggling with, it hadn’t been good. Chan’s outburst had only made it worse and he knew that. He saw the terror in your eyes when the other person responded on the opposite end of the phone.
Felix looked from Chan’s angry face to Changbin’s scowl. When he caught Jeongin rushing out the door after you, his confusion only grew. “What’s happening?” He asked into the microphone.
Chan slammed his hand down on the button, so Felix could hear him. “Don’t worry about it. Get out of the booth, we’re going to take five.”
∘₊✧──────✧₊∘
As you walked home in the whipping wind, your hair tangled around your head. It blocked your vision and the gray skies added to your warped reality. It felt like everyone and everything was against you.
That was the one fatal flaw with humans. When we enter a dark mindset, it’s the only thing we think about. The only thing we feel is the harsh and back-breaking weight of the world on our shoulders. The clouds close in and all feels lost as the rain pours down.
You walked quickly with your head down. Keeping to the sidewalks, you were nearly running. You were moving so fast that by the time Jeongin made his way outside the studio, you were already halfway down the road. He wanted to talk to you, but he didn’t want to frighten you. He kept his pace brisk, but he didn’t run.
He loved Chan for a wide variety of reasons, but he couldn’t believe he had just snapped at you like that. Of course, Chan was angry when he was mad, but this wasn’t okay. None of this was okay.
You sniffled and kept rushing as the wind cupped your ears. You were hollow on the inside. That faint flicker of light inside you had been kept going by Chan. It wasn’t the best idea to depend on one person to make you happy, but you didn’t know what else to do.
Your biggest fear has finally come true, everyone hates you. Maybe not to your face, but you can feel it. The bitter hatred that’s so vitriol, it’s rancid. A hatred that’s thicker than oil and stickier than jam.
You were looking at assumptions, not facts, but your brain was set in stone. No one would be able to save you now. You had fallen far from grace. Your issues had poisoned you from the start. Maybe, just maybe, you weren’t meant for any of this life.
Perhaps, you would take a chance and try again in the next.
∘₊✧──────✧₊∘
When Jeongin knocked, you didn’t respond. He shoved the hair out of his face and tried again. When you didn’t respond to the softer knocks, he knocked harder. When you didn’t respond to that, he held his breath and turned the knob to your apartment.
Breaking and entering wasn’t something he would have liked to go to jail for, but could you blame him? He knew you were hurting and he couldn’t stand the thought of you being alone and sobbing.
Chan’s words to you had been far too cruel. Sure he was angry, but anyone in the right state of mind would have realized that something was terribly wrong with you. It was a gut feeling in the pit of his stomach that he couldn’t shake.
His brain was screaming at him to leave as he silently ventured further into the apartment. One step into the hall and then another. He didn’t bother with the common courtesy of kicking off his shoes.
The place smelled like sweet citrus. It was a familiar scent that had belonged to you since he had known you. Once upon a time, Chan marveled at how much you adored citrus. If only he would have been here now.
The carpeted hall felt too silent. The living room was too empty as he stepped out into it. Bookshelves filled with books, a coffee table with the TV remote, photographs of Chan and the rest of the band on the back wall. Your friends were your everything and so was Chan.
Where were the photos of your family, he wondered. It was such a simple thought, but it flew by just as quick. Your presence was here, but yet you weren’t. Where were you at?
He softly called your name and stepped by the coffee table. The bar table in the kitchen had been left abandoned. The hum of the fridge caused his heart to strum faster. There was an eeriness that he just couldn’t shake.
Every fiber of his being was wound up. Loose floorboards creaked beneath his feet. He was sure that he had seen you enter your apartment. From a distance, he watched your figure fumble for house keys and stumble inside. Your hands brushed past your face and he was positive you were wiping away the tears that kept blurring your vision.
He called your name a little louder, but there was no response. His mouth dipped into a frown and he uttered your name again when a faint whimper caught him off guard. His spine stood erected as he waited for another sound, but it never came.
As he approached the room it came from, he was prepared for sobs. He was prepared for tears. He was prepared for the anguish that came with it, but he wasn’t expecting the bright red that began to seep beneath the bathroom door.
His heart stopped and for a brief moment, he couldn’t breathe. Nothing made sense. The circuit of his brain had stumbled across a trip. Something cut out and his brain whirled trying to reboot.
A scream ripped from his lungs as he rushed towards the bathroom and there you were. You didn’t stop. You didn’t even care or notice that he was there.
Full of self-hatred, you were cutting, no. You were sawing it out of you bit by bit. They don’t tell you that when you hate yourself, there is no pain in self-harm. It’s a dangerous sweet release. The stinging and burning sensation fills you with a sense of euphoric triumph. Self-mutilation feels like bliss and the cold blade in your hand feels like a friend. In some twisted way, it can be the best thing you ever feel.
There was blood everywhere. It dripped from the slices in your wrist. It saturated your clothes and it was all over the bathroom floor. Maybe you tripped and fell. Maybe you were set on killing yourself. Maybe you just snapped.
Human skin is so thin that it can easily be penetrated by a single piece of paper. So small, so little, and yet the fiery ache of pain is felt everywhere all at once. You couldn’t feel the fire in your arm. Gone into shock, your body had blocked you from feeling anything.
You weren’t even aware of Jeongin’s presence until he grabbed your arm. Your bloodshot eyes were watery as they met his concerned russet ones. “Please, stop,” he whispered.
With a snarl, you jerked your arm away from him. You started to scream and lash out. He grabbed your hand and pinned you down again.
“Get the fuck off of me!” You yelled.
“Please, please, please stop.” His voice wavered. He was terrified for you and he didn’t want to make it worse. He knew how much Chan’s yelling earlier upset you. He didn’t want to trigger you further.
“Leave me alone!” Your shrill voice cracked from desperation. “Get off! Let go!”
“No!”
You swiped the blade down with your hand, nearly cutting him in the process. Your head bucked as you tried to free yourself. He ducked his head with a yelp.
He shoved your bleeding body back onto the floor. Your free hand flew up, in an attempt to stop yourself, but it didn’t work. Your brain rattled around your skull as you were blinded by the sudden pain of it all.
Jeongin panicked as he desperately used the code word to activate the voice command on his phone. When you heard “call Bang Chan,” you lost it even more.
“Stop it!” He begged as you squirmed again. Your hands flailed and you yelled back.
Back and forth back and forth, you refused to let go of the blade. You gripped it so hard that you didn’t care that the sharpened blade cut into your opposite palm. You were fighting tooth and nail to keep a tight grip on it. You weren’t going to let go. Not even Jeongin, one of your closest friends, could save you from the demons in your head.
∘₊✧──────✧₊∘
In the studio, Chan was ready to slam his head into the wall himself. Changbin was non-stop lecturing him and once Felix found out, Felix was also up his ass. Nobody seemed to understand that they had a job to do.
When his phone rang, he used it as an excuse to leave the pair angrily grumbling to themselves. He stepped out the studio door, just as you had. He let out a sigh before he swiped and answered the call. “What do you want, Innie?”
A thump responded along with a yell. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “I.N? What are you-”
“Put it down! Put the blade down! Stop it!”
His heart suddenly turned to ice. “I.N?” He whispered. “What is hap-” The response that you gave nearly dropped him to his knees.
“No one cares! Just let me die!”
He suddenly felt like he was about to projectile vomit. His stomach churned and twisted and the world felt a little blurry. “What is happening?” He raised his voice and began to yell at the phone. “Jeongin?”
“Alexa, speaker phone!” Jeongin cried out. “Chan, I can’t stop them! Please! I need you! I don’t know what to do! They won’t stop hurting themselves!”
The world stopped tilting on its axis. The seconds froze in time. His breath caught in the echo-chamber of his lungs. “No,” he whispered. Tears pricked in his eyes and he suddenly rushed down the hall.
“Don’t let them die! Do you hear me, Innie? Don’t let them die!”
He flew out of the JYP building like a bat out of hell. He clutched his phone, now on its own speaker phone. This path that he used to practically skip after work because he was so excited to see you. Now it could potentially be the path to your corpse.
“Fuck!” He cried out as the struggle continued on the other end of the phone.
“C-Chan?” You croaked weakly. “I don’t wanna do it anymore. I-I can’t.”
Guilt swallowed him whole. He could barely breathe as he ran. “Baby? Baby, can you hear me? It’s okay. I need you to listen to me. Can you do that?”
“You hate me.”
“I could never hate you. I took it out on you earlier and I’m sorry.” His head jerked as he made sure he was pursuing the correct street. His footsteps thudded on the pavement.
“Listen to me, I need you to drop the blade. Can you do that to me? Listen to Innie and drop the blade. I’m coming, okay? I’m nearly there, just listen to my voice.”
To Jeongin’s relief and Chan’s surprise, there was a soft clatter as you released the blade from your hand. You were exhausted after fighting with Jeongin and the blood was starting to become tacky against your skin.
You hated the murky feeling that it left behind. Every movement of your wounded palm oozed more blood. Jeongin panted over your body. Your arms were pinned to your sides as he straddled you.
His own body was painted in your blood. Bright red handprints smeared across his white shirt. His light pair of blue jeans seeped it up like a sponge. There were even fingerprints staining his cheek from where you had swiped your hand at him.
“I’m almost there, I’m coming to the house right now. Where are you? What room?”
“Bathroom!”
Chan burst through the door and into the bathroom. His heart dropped when he found you pinned and nearly half unconscious. Blood was all over the floor. It was smeared against the bathroom cabinets and the tub.
Jeongin never took his eyes off you. He was too afraid that you’d find the blade again and do something worse. Chan ended the call and stepped over the puddle of blood leading into the bathroom.
He softly called your name and stepped beside you. Your eyes weakly met his. He felt like he was going to burst into tears. His knees buckled and he sank down beside you. He didn’t waste time grabbing a wet rag and shifting beside Jeongin.
“Innie, I’ve got it from here, go call an ambulance.”
Jeongin hesitated, but finally nodded and stepped out of the bathroom. Before he left, he kicked off his shoes, so he didn’t trample blood into the rest of the house.
The realization of your situation sent shocks of electricity buzzing through your skull. “Fuck,” you muttered. Tears began to build up in your eyes and they trickled down your face. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I-”
“Shhh. It’s okay, it’s okay. Just try to save your strength, okay?”
“I didn’t mean to,” your voice came out shrill.
“I know, it’s okay.”
“No, it’s not.”
The lining of your lungs seemed to thicken as you struggled to breathe in. You squeezed your eyes shut, but it felt like breathing through a straw. Your brain had expanded with every wrong thought and now you were suffering.
“Baby?” Chan whispered. He leaned forward closer to you and placed his hand over the razor blade, so you couldn’t see it. “What happened? What’s going on?”
“Can’t breathe.”
“Panic attack?”
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay, it’s okay.”
“M-my dad,” your voice wavered. “I can’t-”
“You don’t have to talk.”
“Not a good relationship.”
“Is that who called you earlier?” His eyebrows furrowed with worry. “I assumed, but I didn’t know for sure.” He reached down and pushed a bit of hair from your face.
“He’s not good. H-he yells a-and-” You hiccuped, “abusive.”
“Oh, honey…I didn’t know. I-I was just so frustrated earlier, I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I didn’t mean to upset you and I-”
“I don’t feel good,” your eyes drooped further.
“Don’t do that. Don’t do that. Baby? Baby, listen to me!” Not caring about the blood, Chan cupped your face. “Don’t you dare give up! Stay with me!”
The last thing you heard were his desperate pleas as your eyes rolled back into your head.
∘₊✧──────✧₊∘
When you finally came back home from the hospital, Chan forbade you from going to your apartment alone. Instead, he was nice enough to open up his dorm for you to use temporarily. It wasn’t a permanent fix, but it was a manageable one for now.
Ever since you regained consciousness, everything had been so foggy, but you remembered bits and pieces. You remembered the wine colored blood and the fear on Jeongin’s face. You remember being unable to breathe and the desperation of Chan’s voice.
Maybe some part of you was glad that you couldn’t remember the entire thing. You weren’t sure that you wanted to remember traumatizing your boyfriend and your friend, at least, not the specific details.
Your hospital stay had ended up turning into a week-long stay. It turns out the hospitals don’t play when it comes to suicide attempts. You didn’t even try to deny it. There was a tender hurt inside of you that you had no clue how to fix.
It was a surprise when things that the mandated therapists were saying made sense. Sure, you knew things were wrong, but to hear validation from people, it made you feel a tiny bit better.
When you left, you promised to come back. There were parts of you that really did want to heal from all of this. You never wanted to put anyone through this ever again. When clarity came through at the hospital, you realized you didn’t really want to die, you just wanted the self-hatred festered inside your being to stop.
You wanted the negative energy to cease and you wanted to be loved. You wanted to be healed in ways you didn’t know how to heal. You wanted a lot of things and the therapists had promised that if you came back, they could start to help you turn things around, but you had to consciously make that decision.
You yourself had to focus on your own healing. It was hard and it was difficult. Healing is one of the hardest things a person can do for themselves, but it can be so rewarding. You don’t have to let your demons win.
“Fight back. Raise hell. Don’t let them win.” It was something another patient had said during a mandated group therapy. “I’m tired of letting the negative thoughts in my brain win. I want to live. I don’t want to just survive, I want to live.”
The more the people talked, the more you realized that you had some of what they were missing. Sure, your parents weren’t the best, but you had friends. You had a significant other. You had little things that some people craved.
For most of your time spent at the hospital, you were lost in your thoughts. You had barely uttered a few words to Chan. When Jeongin came in, you nearly collapsed into tears apologizing over and over again for scaring him.
He insisted it was fine, but you knew it wasn’t. Nothing you could do could ever take back the damage that you had given him. The nightmares, the trauma, it’d be something he might have to live with forever. Sure, it’d fade, but for now, it stuck to the back of his head like glue.
“So…” Chan’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts. The two of you were standing in the dorm living room. He had sent the rest of the guys over to the other dorm, so you could settle in. “Welcome to your new temporary home.”
This place really was your home. You had been here time after time again. These walls just might have known you better than your own apartment did. You glanced around and nodded. “Thank you.”
“I cleared out my room, so you can have it.”
“We’re not sharing?”
“I didn’t think you’d want to.”
Your hands tugged at the sleeves of your long sleeve shirt. Your fingers curled into them. The damage to your arm was so bad that doctors had a hard time fixing all the damage. They had also been concerned about infection since the wounds were so deep and there were multiple of them.
You played with the hems trying to find words to say. “I’m sorry,” you finally got out, “for everything.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“It is entirely my fault. I don’t know how to deal with things in a healthy way. I’ve been handling a lot on my own and I broke down. I snapped in the worst way possible. The doctors called it a nervous breakdown.”
“You know I’m not mad at you, right?”
“Maybe you should be.”
He shook his head, “I could never be mad at you.”
You lowered yourself to the faux leather couch behind you and slowly took in a deep breath. “I have a lot of issues and I’ve always known they were there. I just…” You shrugged, “I didn’t think something like this would happen. I’ve struggled with self-harm before, but I snapped.”
He sat across from you and shifted his body to face you. “I’m really sorry I yelled at you that day. I shouldn’t have ye-”
“You were stressed and upset, it happens sometimes.”
“That doesn’t make it right.”
“The therapist says I have parental issues from my father and it has affected me in a variety of ways. In fact, she said it’s why I’m probably dating you.”
“What’s wrong with our relationship?”
“She said I need to stop leaning on you to fill the void that my dad left behind and I hate that she’s right.”
“Oh…” His face fell. “So does that mean we’re breaking up?”
“Do you want to?”
He shook his head. “I don’t, but what about you? What do you want to do?”
“I don’t wanna break up either.”
“So…”
“So I’ll attend therapy and work on my issues. I’ll attempt to stop relying on you to make me happy because it’s not healthy.”
“Yeah…”
There was an awkwardness between you. Neither knew what to say and nobody wanted to harm the other. Chan finally broke the silence. “Can I hold you?”
You shifted and crawled over towards him. He was careful of the stitches in your palm and in your opposite arm. You curled into his lap and he pulled you to his chest. Your head leaned against the familiar thump of his heartbeat. “I missed you,” you mumbled.
“I miss you too.” His lips kissed the top of your head. Your sweet scent engulfed him. He leaned his chin on your head and shut his eyes. The warmth of your body was enough to set his soul ablaze.
“My dad wasn’t a good man,” you finally mustered the courage to talk about it. “He called me at the studio and I didn’t read the caller ID. I just wanted to see you after a long day. When I left and went outside, he just started yelling and getting upset.”
“He’s verbally abusive and a hothead. Ever since I was a kid, he gets angry easily and he can’t control it. He throws things, he swings, and he’d destroy my things. I lived my life in so much fear because he’d threaten to disown me. My family never did anything about it, they just let it happen.”
Chan’s hand went to your back. He soothingly rubbed it while you spoke. “I had no idea.”
“I felt like I shouldn’t talk about it because some people don’t have fathers. I should be grateful that I even have a father and I-”
“You don’t have to be grateful to someone who frightens you and makes you hate yourself. That’s not what a father should be. I probably enhanced your fight or flight instinct when I yelled at you, I’m so sorry.”
“Every time I talk to him, I feel miserable. All of them, I’m so angry at all of them.”
“You don’t have to continue putting yourself through any of that. You don’t have to talk to the people that make you miserable. Please don’t keep putting yourself through all this distress, baby.”
“I just want to be happy.”
“And I have no doubt that you’ll get there soon, sweetheart. When you’re feeling at your worst, you don’t have to turn to self-harm. You can come find me, yeah? I’ll always be here for you. Now that I know what’s wrong, I’ll be sure to never act like I did that day. I don’t want to lose you.”
His arms tightened around your body and his lips found the top of your head again. “You mean so much to me. I can’t imagine a life without you. I’d be devastated if you weren’t here. If you ever feel like that, come find me and I’ll distract you.”
“But that’s such a burden for you to carry.”
“It’s not a burden if I love you.”
You finally picked your head up and looked at him with teary eyes. His own eyes were similar as they looked at you. Without asking, you leaned forward and your lips connected.
It was pure bliss…until it wasn’t. The front door to the dorm slammed open. The crack of it into the wall sent both of you pulling away from each other.
Hwang Hyunjin sashayed into the room with a pair of sunglasses, a towel around his neck, and a blue pool noodle over his shoulders. “Surprise, bitches!”
“Hyung, you have no manners,” Jeongin grumbled as he stepped in behind him. When his eyes found you, he beamed. “Hi!” He waved excitedly and rushed towards the two of you.
Minho stepped inside, grabbed the pool noodle from Hyunjin, and bonked him on the head with it. “You insensitive fuck! I told you they couldn’t swim due to stitches!”
“Ow!”
Minho bonked him again. “You’re lucky you’re getting a pool noodle to the head and not a fist to your pretty face.” He glanced over at you and grinned. “Sup?”
Chan sighed and kept his arms clamped around your back. “I’m so sorry about them. I didn’t have time to tell you that I invited all of them over to hang out for a game night and maybe some movies. We can order your favorite foods and w-”
“Hyung, look at all my snacks!”
“Mine too!”
Han and Felix walked inside with grocery bags full of snacks. They wasted zero time going to the coffee table and dumping them out. The pair beamed happily as they waited for your approval and you managed a soft smile.
“You two waste zero time making messes, don’t you? Hey,” Seungmin called out and he nodded towards you. “Glad you’re not dead. I can’t wait to-”
The sound of Changbin screaming your name at the top of his lungs caused your eyes to widen in shock. Thunderous footsteps sounded from the porch and rushed inside. Changbin rushed in grinning with his arms outstretched. He was getting closer and closer until a pool noodle slammed into his face.
He stumbled back dazed and Minho rolled his eyes. He handed the pool noodle back to Hyunjin and shook his head. “You are all unbelievable. You have zero manners.”
“Strike,” Seungmin mumbled beneath his breath.
You snorted which caused him to glance over and grin.
“This is okay with you, right?” Chan glanced down at you. “If it’s too much, I can ask them to go back and I-”
You shook your head, “it’s fine. I’m not sure about participating in games, because uh…” You gently shifted your bandaged arm hidden beneath your long sleeves. “Movie night and food sounds wonderful.”
“Ya-hoo!” Changbin cheered. “Let’s get this party started.” He grinned and rubbed his hands together. “Oh, snacks!”
“Ah, ah, ah!” Minho ripped the pool noodle from Hyunjin’s hand and bonked him on the head again. A scowl filled Changbin’s face. “Let the guest pick first.”
“Sorry,” he mumbled.
“Hit him one more time and he’s going to lose the last brain cell he has,” Seungmin complained.
“Yeah!” Hyunjin agreed as he crossed his arms over his chest. Minho bonked Hyunjin over the head. He groaned and slumped into the recliner behind him. “Channie, hyung, he’s beating me up! He’s killing my brain cells too!”
“You idiot,” I.N huffed, “you don’t even have any to lose!”
“Hey!”
“So how have you been?” Felix asked as he got on his knees beside the couch. “Do you want a snack? Do you want to play Animal Crossing?”
“Or we could watch an anime?” Han offered with a cheeky smile. “Whatever you’re up for, we’re down with.”
“Exactly, whatever you want, babe.” Chan rubbed your back with some reassurance. “The guys and I got you.”
“Can I just observe you interacting with each other? There’s plenty of humor in that and I-”
“Oh, sure!” Minho beamed. He lifted up the pool noodle with a smirk. “Sit back and watch me play whack-a-mole.”
“Wait a minute!”
“Hey!”
“Don’t you dare!”
Without another word, Minho grinned as he started to take turns whacking the guys’ heads.
| ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ |
Taglist: @lina-linny @straykidsstanforeverandever @seungnishi
Masterlist
Requests, taglist, and inbox rules
#stray kids#stray kids fanfic#stray kids drabbles#stay#skz fanfic#bang chan#bang chan fic#bang chan fanfic#bang chan x reader#kpop fanfic#bang chan x you#bang chan x y/n#bang chan comfort#bang chan angst
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Tartaros pp headcanons! (Just the nobles)
Bimet
- I imagine he is one of the few normal sized pp owners amongst devils. (Still,they are naturally larger than humans,so normal for a devil is still pretty impressive for a human.)
-Anyway I belive he is around 15 cm in lenght .
-You see the charm about this man's shlong is not in size like most people think but in it's shape.
- You see his tip is sharp. This man is a whore. With enough money,you could probably buy a night with him. And as a proper gold digger....he needs a sharp tool for the job.
-You ever saw the part of a flute in which you blow? Yea that's his tip
-Not only is his tip pointy but somewhere in the middle of his shaft he has tiny bumps. They're small and there's not a lot of them...but just enough for you to feel it when he ravages your insides.
-He thought about dipping his pp in gold like he does to his feet but immediatelly stopped after the first try. Mostly because the gold was dropping down way too quickly because of the higher temperature.
-He settled on just wearing a few thin golden cock rings. Also has a simple prince albert piercing
-From all the gold in the air,I woudn't be suprised if he eats it too. After a few years of chewing on metal,his cum got a certain yellowish color to it.
-I do think he cums a lot tho and it's watery...very watery.
-He keeps himself groomed most of the time. If you're serving the richest man in hell as his right hand,you gotta keep a certain level of proper hygene and looks to match.
- Also yes his pp does smell like pennies.
Valefor
- I think he's pretty similar to Mammon. He already works hard to have a body like his. I woudn't be suprised if that applies to his dick as well.
-As you can imagine....big. Not as big as Mammon's meat srick but very similar. Thick,long and hard as a brick. He should register is as a lethal weapon. In and put of the bedroom.
-At least he is aware of his own size,comparred to some other careless nobles. He knows he could actually hurt you and does everything in his might to prevent that,even if it means sacrificing his own pleasure for yours.
-Speaking of pleasure and cumming,he's another one of those breeding bulls. His cum is a bit thick but actually tastes pretty good. The most similar thing to it is a lemon tart.
-Back to his cock. It's a bit more normal whrn it comes to the shape. It's the kind of a penis that is pretty to look at but also scares you with just how big it is. In other words,a teddy bear kind of pp.
-He keeps his pubic hair growing. Of course,he does shave it off every once in awhile. But only when it gets so unruly it iches. But every other time? He just let's it grow. He just doesn't pay too much attention to his hair when he has to put so much work into growing out his muscles.
-But somehow has one of the healthiest hygene routines? Has like 12 diffrent products,all for a specific thing on his body. He's a good boy who takes care of himself properly.
-He does work out a lot tho,so he can't always be smelling like sunshines and manly chemicals. Even after many showers,there is still a small sprinkle of the sweaty smell on him. He is trying to get rid of it since he knows humans are a bit more sensitive about bad smells compared to devils
Eligos
- Small...the smallest penis owner in Tartaros nobility and he is damn proud of it!!!
-He's actually really happy with his size since smaller pps are way cuter than those muscular-looking dicks. It gives him a very cute bulge too!
- It's size is 11 cm.
- Some of his coworkers suggested he starts wearing some more gold but he refuses. After all,ribbons are way cuter than gold and very flexible in their usage too! He can wrap them everywhere even on his dick.
-Has a collection of diffrent types of ribbon fabric,each for a specific part on his body. There is so many pretty fabrics after all but not every one fits more intimate areas. For down there he uses a very soft,silk ribbon.
- Has a very good hygene too. Probably owns a whole cabinet of showering items. My man knows his stuff. He follows Orias's social media and they even give each other beauty tips in DMs. Paimon joins in on some conversations as well.
- Anyway back to his pp! We already got out of the way that it's small. Well it's also really sensitive! Especially on the underside of his shaft and the point where his tip is the sharpest. If you rub or touch him there,he becomes quite vocal. I don't mean those little whimpers but full on moans. When Mammon first heard him,he had to ask later if he was okay and if he needed a headpat. Poor man probably thought Eligos hit his balls or something.
-Speaking of balls,his are pretty small and round. His ballsack is a bit tight which makes his balls appear very adorable,like little marbles. They fit perfectlly in your palm too! Ah,but don't squeeze them,he'll push you away and cover them for a few weeks if he sees you.
-Man waxes. You see those shiny thighs? Yea he wants all of his assets to be like that. Smooth like an infant. He actually does the whole process by himself. Unless there is a place he cannot reach *cough* his ass *cough*
-Overall,a very cute little thing and slightly squishy. The color of it is just as his skin with his tip being a paler pink.
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𝐍𝐎. 𝟖 (𝟐/𝟑) ❛ 𝐡𝐨𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐚𝐬𝐭 ❜ | EARLY OCTOBER 1991
❧ 𝐝𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 / 𝐛𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 / 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 / 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭.
→ 𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐍
The performance lineup was long, mixing dilettante regulars with real, true artists. Renzo hadn’t told her in advance what he planned to do; she knew he would be accompanying Fluke at some point, but his turns at the front were rare and unpredictable. Tonight, he used his voice, one that Leonor found impressive if not astonishing, to serenade the room. That was the illusion, anyway. He held her gaze the entire time, which was enough to convey intent. The songs announced were all covers—music from her aunt’s milieu, or quite possibly her discography. While Leonor didn’t recognize the song and rapidly became unable to hear the lyrics as words with a meaning, the unmistakable mood gripped her. It wasn’t a caress so much as a stroke, a fondle, a pinch. It made her skin crawl in the best way.
❧ "venus in furs" won the poll but "time of the season" ended up fitting better (and also the clapping in this performance was compelling dsfsjg) ... anyway, i am SO pleased with this post specifically
𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐞 & 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐭 ↓
The performance lineup was long, mixing dilettante regulars with real, true artists. Renzo hadn’t told her in advance what he planned to do; she knew he would be accompanying Fluke at some point, but his turns at the front were rare and unpredictable. Tonight, he used his voice, one that Leonor found impressive if not astonishing, to serenade the room. That was the illusion, anyway. He held her gaze the entire time, which was enough to convey intent. The songs announced were all covers—music from her aunt’s milieu, or quite possibly her discography. While Leonor didn’t recognize the song and rapidly became unable to hear the lyrics as words with a meaning, the unmistakable mood gripped her. It wasn’t a caress so much as a stroke, a fondle, a pinch. It made her skin crawl in the best way.
The Den possessed an unexpected number of quiet backrooms beyond the bustle of its main space. People who were just passing through experienced the stage, the bar, the shadowy corners that ringed them both. Friends got to see the enviable wine cellar and the room where the gambling happened; although less exciting, they might also see the liquor storage or the disorganized mess that barely warranted the title of “office.” Leonor had probably jiggled most of the doorknobs before she went onto the roof. Of course, Renzo’s favorite backroom wasn’t in the basement with the others. It was the small section cordoned off from the main space, drenched in red lighting, with a sectional on which he could sprawl. It was where Leonor had first met him, and it was where they tended to retreat as any given night progressed. Tonight had been no exception. It was a place to fully crawl out of her skin, and the knotted satin of her costume, and the nervous confines of her mind.
With delusional buoyancy setting it, an urgent question had bubbled up unbidden. It force itself out like a hiccup. Renzo caught it, if with surprise, rolling along with her as she wondered aloud. ‘Do you love me?’ A terrible question, this one. Had she not already felt so much, had she not been overflowing with shapeless and blooming euphoria, she would have felt ashamed. He didn’t recoil. Against her fingers, he answered, ‘I love ... the idea of you.’ She didn’t recoil from the honesty either. It wasn’t a wave; it was a rainfall that soaked, heavy, gentle, to the bone. She followed up with the same earnestness, ‘Do I love you?’ He swirled his tongue around her thumb as he considered it. Then, ‘You love who you think I am.’ Did she? ‘Really?’ ‘Really.’ It was settled. She did. Otherwise, it had to be a fleeting concern, one sinking beneath the surface again, that couldn’t really matter.
TRANSCRIPT:
[Music, overlapping conversation, laughter]
RENZO | Come on, don’t be shy. Look, all of this—live plants, the murals, fucking real rabbits to play with—all courtesy of Nora. She’s been busy employing artisans and patronizing florists and shit. Did you know she came up with the theme, too? Can’t forget that. Because she loves this place. She loves all of us. My moon goddess.
[Music, conversation, laughter continues]
[Crowd cheering]
[Music, crowd singing along]
[Discordant, playful strumming]
[Music begins, Renzo singing]
[Rhythmic clapping]
No, no, too much! No? Yes! Fuck. It’s fine. Yeah? Too late now. Oh, baby—
[Laughter, echoing]
[Muffled music, Leonor sighs]
Do you love me? I love ... the idea of you. Do I love you? You love who you think I am. Really? Really.
Is that real? The rabbit? The fur? It’s so ... That’s a lot. Poor rabbits, huh? Yes, but ... It’s soft! Oh, it’s soft. You have to leave the, um, the—[laughs] The chaps? Yes! It’s so important. I love them. If you want. Please! I do.
[Urinating, sink running, door opening and closing]
?1 | —such a cute theme, though. Little bunnies? I look so good.
?2 | Yeah, but can you believe what she did? No one else is yellow.
?1 | Not surprised. Princess has to be the center of attention, duh.
?2 | It’s so weird. Because … why?
?1 | Why? What do you mean, why?
?2 | Why does he let her do that. It’s kind of unfair.
?1 | [Laughs] Jealous?
?2 | No. She has nothing to contribute! Money? Or, you know—
?2 | But, I would be so fucking bored if I were him.
?1 | I only talked to her once, and I’m still bored. [Snickers]
?2 | Blah, blah, my mom is dead, blah, blah, blah, I do government stuff. Where’s the camera, look at me, I’m a Reyes, blah, blah, blah.
?1 | [Laughs] So dumb! That’s it, though.
?1 | Maybe she’s just hot, in a cute way? She’s new. Doesn’t know how to do anything fun. A "yes" girl. Ooh. We’ve been there.
?2 | Yeah, I don’t get it, but, oh, well—Okay! [Smacks lips] Let’s go!
[Footsteps, door opens and closes]
[Door closes]
#cw drugs#ts4 story#sims story#sims 4 story#royal sims#simblr#ts4 legacy#1992.story.post#1992.a1#1992.e04
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Your post about falin manifested some Thoughts in me. Seeing how such a big part of her arc was becoming more independent and discovering what She wants to do, mixed with a lot of parts in the manga where she is much more comfortable looking masculine - embarrassed about how blushy she is but not really liking makeup, enjoying more masculine clothes, that one haircut swap where she seemed really happy in laios' cut, it made me realize there's totally some room for even some transmasc falin headcanons! Or at the very least, she's definitely GNC and it would be fun to see that explored in fanfic and fanart... anyway, your in depth analysis posts have really inspired me, got me itching to create some obscure dunmeshi fancontent or analysis now!
Omg…… I’ve never fully thought about it but you’re so right transmasc Falin would go so hard… There’s also how she idolizes Laios a lot… Male older brother role model she puts on a pedestral, could play into her relationship with it.
Because of the dragon I like to see her as intersex, including post-canon but beyond that I always saw her as being the more or less agender type that just goes with whatever she feels fits her better, the sort of cis by default for lack of caring about it all that much, not unlike how I consider Laios cis by default but if you dig deep enough there’s otherkin stuff going on in there… Def agree with GNC Falin.
She and Toshiro have some interesting parallels, of being passive and suppressing themselves for the convenience of others, it’s a reason why seeing her being unabashedly entranced by a bug struck him so much— himself being a bug fan and polishing his demeanor to be perfectly respectable. Because of that and including specific details like getting told "boys don’t cry" by Hien- Actually just let me link this excellent post about trans Toshiro. Transfem Toshiro is so compelling and I think pairing it with transmasc Falin would be very interesting…
The gender envy of it all, the talks… Need them to go on a trip together post-canon so so bad, life changing self-discovery camping trip
I’ll be munching on this... I love it. Your reblog tags have been a delight, I’m so happy I could inspire you in any way! So looking forward to what you might make in the future
#Dungeon meshi#falin touden#ask#Spoilers#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#I might write fic for transmasc falin eventually…. Add it on top of the falin shuro brotp fic plans#T4t them would go so hard???#Oh i guess i should tag him now#toshiro nakamoto#falishuro. Faliro??#Shulin#Trans hc#Meta#Character analysis#I saw u liked some toshiro stuff so hopefully u enjoy the trans toshiro wisdom. Them having an intertwined arc would be delicious#I made a masterpost on him and his family btw if you’re interested i don’t think u’ve seen it yet. Lyril is working on like.#A toshiro manifesto thesis though so that’ll be even cooler#Googled cis by default and found the label cis-genderless. Oh………. Hi…… Suddenly feeling very seen#Btw. The invite you got from fuu-miku through dm is real lol if you were worried or smth
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mad max: the 141 (price x f!reader)
ch 2: your first night
canon-typical violence, sexual violence is referenced (but will not happen), general misogyny. the 141 are the good guys, just a bit rough around the edges
series masterlist (also has more world building info)
--
you reminded john of rabbits, creatures he'd heard about from campfire stories. your dress, like their fur, white as limestone. you were jumpy and small, fast as the devil. he could feel your legs tense against his, had felt it for the past three hours of the bike ride. ready to hop off and run, to take your chances in the sand and storm of the wasteland. he didn't blame you.
dusk had fallen as the 141 approached their home base. you were already jumping off his bike when he slowed down, eager to put space between the two of you. smart girl. john price did not consider himself a good man, even though he had met men much worse, men who were not man at all. sometimes, he felt that same instinct lurking underneath him, just out of reach.
base was just a small outcropping of rocks. this couldn't be right. suddenly, gaz had disappeared from your view. then, silent as his name, ghost did as well. your eyes finally adjusted to the quick coming darkness and you took in the sight before you. a hole in the ground, covered with a metal frame. a door to the underground. they had hidden their bikes behind the rocks, the shadows playing tricks on your mind. any traveler would pass this place without a second thought. the captain (you still didn't know his name) hid his bike in a similar matter, then gestured to the hole. "down you go." like alice in wonderland, you thought, images of your precious century-old books coming to mind. you jumped.
gaz caught you gracefully. you murmured your thanks, still unused to having male hands touch you so easily. you were no longer a shiny piece of metal on the shelf, you had been taken down for play. in any sense of the word.
electric lighting flickered around the cavern. there were several tunnels leading into the distance, further underground. you stood in a common area, the group's supplies scattered throughout the room. it was lived in but clean, a rarity in a world like yours. the air smelled the opposite of dryness, almost like-
"water?" the captain was offering you drinking water from a canteen. you looked up at him in confusion. "real water?" ghost grunted an affirmation from somewhere in the vicinity, but you were too busy locking eyes at the captain to get specifics. his eyes were so focused on you, so unaware of the kindness of his gesture. was he prepping you for a future as his wife? that must be it. must be why he was so concerned about your period. either way, you were dehydrated from the long drive and took the canteen greedily, slurping at the water. unprincesslike behavior, not fit for a wife, but you didn't care. he'd get what he paid for.
"how do you have water?" your voice croaked slightly from disuse, the water smoothing out the cracks in your throat. "springs. down one of the tunnels. s' why it smells damp. s' our little secret, yeah?" you gaped at gaz's response. with access to a hot spring, they could be kings. they could have a hundred wives each, slaves in the thousands, become kings of the springs in their own right. yet they made small attacks of shipping trades and deals for princesses of gastown? you didn't understand. they seemed to lack the innate violence you thought was required of human nature, of the existence of man.
"long day, yeah? let's regroup tomorrow." the captain led you down the tunnel as you quickly said goodnight to the other outlaws. despite your propensity to save water, your palms grew sweaty. this was when it happened. this was when he'd take you to bed and make you a wife. or at least someone to get mother's milk from. you hoped he'd be somewhat gentle, hoped the other's wouldn't hear your screams. you were so lost in your thoughts you didn't notice the captain had stopped, directing you to a bedroll.
"would you be gentle, please? if i can ask? i won't ask for anything else." your voice sounded tinny in the room, as if another had asked it. the only sound was the echo of the far off spring. the captain paused his state of undress, clothed in only his underwear. you averted your eyes, quelling any attraction that bubbled up in your belly. you were a virgin, had been groomed to be one, but you had had other experiences with some men in gastown. you knew the electricity of attraction, the zing of the moment. you reminded yourself that the captain was your owner, not your lover, and that quickly ended any other feelings.
"gentle, love? what d'ya mean?" he was sprawled on the bedroll, all muscle and fat and hair. his body corded with the results of labor, hidden under a layer of fat that showed his status. you shrugged back your shoulders, reminding yourself you were a princess. "when you bed me." he let out a bark of laughter, turning you shy. were you too proper? you didn't like the other words men used, your stepfather used, when they talked about the act. they felt dirty on your tongue, like spending a night in the desert sand. "'m not gonna fuck you, love." fuck. he said it almost lovingly, like he revered it. tongue tracing the vowels like he'd traced your stomach earlier.
"then...the belt? you bought me?" he patted the bed roll and you finally laid down next to him, less afraid of him now. "'s all politics, sweetheart. i don't fuck people who don't want me inside them. if you ask me, i'll fuck you good. but only then." people. as in not just women. not unheard of, but never blatantly referenced. you wondered about the other outlaws, images of them undressed and sweaty under the captain coming to mind. with the casualness in their interactions, you weren't surprised. some part of your brain, a part you had thought was long gone when you had been sold, conjured another image. being shared. just like that you shivered in the cold dampness, and it was gone.
"body heat. come on." you finally laid against him, back touching his bare chest. he covered you with the threadbare blanket, slinging his arm around your waist and the other under your head. like a personal pillow. the thought was so insane you almost giggled, and he relaxed at the feel of your body calming. his rabbit was finally less jittery, ready for bed. his paw spread against your stomach, callouses brushing against soft skin. he reveled in the feel of your stomach, not concave like most in the wasteland. his pampered princess, cuddled against one of the most feared outlaws in the land. you covered his hand with your own, brushing against the hair there. he nuzzled your neck, memorizing your scent. the sound of it sent a bolt of arousal straight to your core, but you ignored it.
"goodnight, captain." no wonder you were so scared of him. he hadn't told you his name. "s' john, love." your throat hitched. john. "goodnight, john." he hummed against your skin, his own personal goodnight back.
you fell into a dreamless sleep, the events of the day washing in and out. until the atmosphere changed, the feeling of being watched waking you up. you felt john adjust behind you, the feeling of his body draped around you. you could even feel his cock lay heavy against your ass, resting. your eyes blinked open through the darkness of the cave, searching. and you found it in the man sitting a few feet away, cloaked behind a red mask in the shape of a skull, mohawk standing straight.
you screamed.
--
i don't usually write virgin readers but i felt like it made sense for this world. going to try to make it a small deal so every kind of reader can relate. shorter chapter, hoped yall enjoyed!
#simon ghost riley#tornadothoughts#ghost call of duty#john soap mactavish#kyle gaz garrick#captain john price#john price#captain price#cod price#captain price x reader#john price x reader#price x reader#mad max au#john price x you#price x y/n
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aoko is based on a real person???
No, no, I was comparing how they're written, that's why I said "feels like".
Part of Mahoyo's charm is how Soujuurou, the normal guy, is the most obviously 'fictional' one in the cast, as his inability to fit into the modern world is both played for laughs and feels so unthinkable that it dominates how the reader sees him.
Meanwhile Aoko, the witch firing lasers from her hands, has so many little oddly realistic traits that she feels like she was based on a real person. She bought a guitar, but hasn't played it lately so it just ends up as clutter in her room. She's too lazy to do the chores herself, but she doesn't mind opening her window and screaming instructions at Soujuurou from the comfort of her room. She's the only character in Mahoyo with defined musical tastes (she's a Bowie fan and goes to rock concerts) and even has a favorite actor in Arnold Schwarzenegger. She has a traumatic childhood memory involving the violent deaths of a family of cats hiding inside her father's car, when no one else in the VN barring Alice gets so much as a brief flashback. Aoko even has an established social status in school (something no other Nasu protagonist has), where she's extremely popular due to her looks, though the boys leave her alone since they think she might be gay, and every classmate character had their own specific relationship with her. The closest thing we have to another protagonist with such an established social status among their peers is Shirou as Homurahara's brownie.
She just feels a little too real in Mahoyo, which again, contrasts with how she's the one firing lasers while Soujuurou works in food service.
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Jonathan's description of the Romani people is certainly full of racist stereotypes. But it also reads to me as something he's reciting; as he says, he has notes of them "in my book." His words here seem to be him copying down something he's read in a book (whether here or in his research before he left). It's completely uncritical, but aligns with his earlier notes about history.
Even though he writes that they "attach themselves as a rule to some noble" he's not certain that they will turn him in to Dracula. He guards against the possibility of course, with his shorthand, and does mention that possibility of "should [the letters] not send," but he still willingly took the risk. Of course, it's really the only thing he can do, so even if he fully believes the stereotypes he's got to try anyway. Certainly though, I think he would be willing to alter his beliefs should they act in a way that contradicts what he has heard.
From his perspective, they... don't, at least today. Dracula coming back with the letters could easily be explained by them taking his money and then giving him up. But I choose to believe that they really did try to help him. They might have brought Dracula the letters because he's the only one who knows English. Or, more likely if they know he is a vampire and work for him at least partially out of fear, they intended to hide it but Dracula heard Jonathan calling down to them/saw him throwing something and asked about it. Or so on. There are several different ways they could have wanted to help Jonathan but still have been forced to give his messages to the Count. There's no evidence against such an interpretation, and it is not only better because it's not a racist stereotype, but it also fits the themes of the story and the pattern of humans trying to help one another as well.
However, I can't help but note that Dracula also calls them "Szgany". I didn't know this for a long time, but at some point last year I heard that term is not referring to a specific group of people. Instead it appears to be a phonetic spelling of a slur:
Cigan/Tsigan
Term used to describe Roma. Amongst most Romani communities this is a highly offensive racial slur. It originates from the Greek word "atsinganoi" meaning "untouchable". (from the European Roma Rights Centre)
This is awful, but perfectly in character for Dracula. He looks down on humans in general, and is clearly dismissive of 'peasants' at other times. It also would make sense for him to intentionally reinforce negative stereotypes about them in order to degrade any trust between Jonathan and other people. He did something similar when he called the other locals superstitious peasants.
It's possible that at least some of Jonathan's information about these people comes from Dracula himself, or at least has been 'confirmed' by him. Even if that's not the case, it makes sense that Dracula would be aware of any negative reputation and I could see him playing into it in any conversation or potentially in any interactions he thinks Jonathan can see.
#dracula daily#count dracula#jonathan harker#dracula locals#slur#being discussed#i assume jonathan got the term from his books also without wondering about it#but then again as we see in that one lucy entry these characters are certainly not immune to casual racism themselves
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finally, my magnus opus, complete... this was an impulse, do-it-stupid project for me to tackle. i suppose it doesn't count as a ragdoll if it's made out of specifically-purchased new fabric rather than rags, though...
some process photos under the cut
feeling out the design goals + patterning. this initial pass was very inspired by @bittertoxicity 's plush designs of the cast! i wound up moving away from that as i worked, but honestly, his work is so much cuter still, and i really admire it 😄
after 3 or so failed attempts at getting well-proportioned patterning stitched & stuffed, i lopped off one piece's head and then grafted it back on to create a longer neck. unfortunately, this successfully acheived the desired effect. the epitome of my do-it-stupid technique.
the face pieces were stitched on. he is constructed entirely out of no-pill fleece (the closest accessible kind next to the puppet variety), and honesly i don't know how those raw edges are going to hold up over time. if he ever gets a second pass, this would be wiser to just do with felt.
i had wanted to simply embroider his eyebrow, but after multiple failed attempts at getting the shape right, it started to damage the fabric ): i gave up and cut an eyebrow out of fabric, and stitched it on like his other face pieces.
his clothes are removable! i fit and stitched these prior to adding his hair, correctly guessing that the hair would make it very hard to work with his developing outfit. someday, i may be inclined to make different little outfits for him, however...
the hair itself was another huge challenge (the clothes alone took weeks, fwiw). if there are patterns out there for long, non-yarn hair, i sure couldnt find them. i wound up freestyling each piece by draping them over his head like a ridiculous veil, and stitching down my "darts" from there (in quotes bc i didnt even bother to cut them away like real darts should be cut...)
overall, my vision for the hair turned out to be verrrry different than the final product, but it's probably for the best. maybe i'll experiment more if he's ever to be remade
oh, and, he is hatless because, like, i dont like the hat anyways, but in the interest of making his outfits changeable, a hat would be a lot of hassle. that's either something that has to be stitched on and cut off for outfit changes (wtf), velcro'd on (um, no way), or magnetized on (what a pain...). so i guess maybe someday, but definitely not today...
#this time i can for realsies put together & share the pattern if anyone wants it btw... unlike the pabit plush i was more#deliberate in documenting my process so it can be parsed. i would like to revist pabit one of these days too tbh#gollydraws#habitdoll#sfm#smile for me#anyways happy birthday sfm!! enjoy the physical realm u life-changing game#boris habit#dr habit
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Mizus Gender
He/him they/them she/her pronouns for Mizu
I know the writers of the show wrote blue eye samurai with Mizu as a woman disguised as a man in a way similar ish to Mulan but uh
They accidentally made it deeper than that ??
If you removed like 2 lines of dialogue in episode 5 you could even make an argument for trans masc Mizu. Or at the least gender queer.
Being transgender is not a concept in this time period. But trust. People have always wanted to be other genders, probably for the entirety of human history. And how someone would go about being trans in a world with no true understanding of the concept, might be similar to what Mizu IS DOING RIGHT NOW.
Living as a man. PERMANENTLY. Not temporarily to achieve some near goal like Mulan and the many other stories with this concept. Mizu has lived as a man nearly their entire life and no intention to ever live as a woman in the future.
Mizu admires their freshly binded chest in the mirror as a teen.
When alone Mizu refers to himself as a man.
When alone with Ringo, (someone who knows the secret) Ringo also refers to Mizu as a man.
Mizu threatens to straight kill Ringo at the the very use of the word “girl”.
When, and ONLY when seeing 2 MEN kiss does he think of Taigen.
Not to mention madame Kajis indelicate insinuation of gay sex to Mizu, something I believe wasn’t for no reason. OR Madams iconic line “you are more man than ANY come through my door” (I’m convinced she has an idea of Mizus true sex but doesn’t care to accuse or call them out for it)
They HAD lived as a woman in the past. Only for about a year, and they did it to get married for her mothers sake. To save her from a life of prostitution. She was able to be happy, because it IS POSSIBLE to be happy while not presenting how you like. It’s a strain and some can never be happy doing so but it’s possible and people do it all the time to make their lives easier or to keep the peace with family or for many other reasons.
Episode 5 gave HUGE VIBES of going back into the closet when living with your parents or just visiting. And Mizu looked SO uncomfortable and awkward in woman’s clothing and doing “wife things” (partly cause they have never done that before) and maybe it was my own projecting but I felt so uncomfortable FOR Mizu.
These things don’t necessarily mean being a transgender man specifically. Gender is actually really complicated and has ALOT to do with what society deems it.
Mizu is a masculine person. Being what Japan wants women to be isn’t in line with what Mizu is. A violent, practical, stoic, cold, masculine, confident and capable warrior.
dressing up as a woman with the makeup ONLY to try and make her husband happy. She didn’t WANT to. “To soften her husbands heart, the bride… danced” performed femininity FOR HIM. Only for Mikio to betray her for, in his eyes, being more masculine than him, by beating him in a physical fight.
Mizu is both the ronin and the bride. Mizu will be whatever they need to in order to achieve their owed deaths. They HAVE to be a man to get their revenge but that doesn’t mean Mizu WANTS to be a woman. (To be fair who WOULD in that time but I digress) and it doesn’t mean they WANT to be a man. They WANT their revenge. Everything is secondary to that.
Mizu is so different from other characters…
I grew up in a kinda misogynistic place and my mom really didn’t let me “do boy stuff” or dress masculine in any sense until my late teens. I my self don’t know if I can even call myself Trans. But I’m masculine, I like looking like a man and dressing as one but I don’t WANT to be a man necessarily. But I don’t WANT to be a woman. I feel like we as a society put to much distinction between the two and the people who don’t fit either side get left out at times.
Mizu is such a relatable character to me, like no other characters complicated feelings about their own sex and gender have ever come close.
They are for those who don’t have a strong sense of their own gender. Especially those who are biologically female and hesitant to lean into their sex because of the societal baggage.
Once people realize that how you dress, how you act, and what you do in reality have nothing to do with your bio sex and everything with what society has forced people to do based on factors out of our control is the day we can finally stop having these conversations.
Do what you want, gender is fake.
But Mizu is forever 🫶
#blue eye samurai#mizu blue eye samurai#bes#mizu#mizus gender#there’s so much more I want to say but I’ve already put out a wall of text.#I WILL block if you come in here with a “nuh uh 🤓#i would write more about her as a woman but I just revolves someone else’s big wall of text about that#read it if your interested they were much better worded than I#he/him bisexual lesbian man
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‼️⚠️TW // medical imagry (IV, slight depiction of veins), noose imagry, a poorly drawn realistic heart organ, intense eye contact, and a set of fellows who are in anguish
@calamarispider💥💥
recently rewatched a playthrough of little nightmares 1 and 2, and drew calamari’s folks with said videos as background noise :]! was trying out different styles of brushes and things on ibispaintX, and had quite a bit of fun doing so. i’ve been easing into doing stress relief art and this was a good example of that?
hope you enjoy yet another bout of fanart calamari haha 🐥 (<- looks up at you like this)
💙 - [gouche brushes, some watercolor] was playing around with the various palettes he was given in arts of him by calamarispider, and sort or blended them all together. I love how blurry mind looks, almost as if you’re passing out while viewing the image. fits with the medical vibe! he looks like he’s skulking away in shame or fear or something. i think i made him look weak because i’m a mind enthusiast. damn. the dark background makes it feel gloomy and mellow, but also scary?
❤️ - {marker primarily, little watercolor} i know he’s like 🧍 but his presence alone can be intimidating, that stare could drive away anyone and he *knows* it. played around a lot with layers and lasso stuff here, and leaned more into a sketchy style almost as if he’s barely there. i love the background in particular because it’s grey and not red, giving him a loss of and a heightening of individuality. doing the hair was fun XD. i specifically remember the fella i was watching play little nightmares 2 at this point getting frustrated with the teacher. silly memory
💜 - (watercolor, pencil pens) this one bounces around styles a lot, and it almost makes him seem more real? i was frustrated with it at first, but i love how some parts of him are more complex and sharp than others. mixed two art references of heart calamarispider had drawn, giving him a sketchy little eye and a more unseen bleeding eye under the blindfold. it looks cool i think :]. this was a big experimentation piece that i look back fondly on :D! I love them all but this especially. I love heart’s almost ‘angel of death’ wing cloak things haha
off i go 🏃💨
OH MAN i forgor minds crown. its ok he left it in the oven(??????)
#chonny jash#cj heart#cj mind#cj soul#chonny’s charming chaos compendium#calamarispiderart jashies#jashlings#chonny jash hms designs#heart mind soul#ibispaintx#lineless art#pokes hearts hair#pats soul on the back#swaddles mind in a blanket
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