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cjsinkythoughts · 3 years

Text

In Need of a Breath

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader

Word Count: 4007

Warnings: !FATWS SPOILERS!, Cursing, Zemo, Feelings, Another PTSD Flashback

A/N: So…Part 4 is going to have a couple parts to it. Maybe even three. I didn’t even make it half way through the episode on this one, mainly because I really wanted to fit in the Reader’s backstory and I wanted her and Sam to have a heart-to-heart again. I’m suuuuper tired, so I probably won’t be posting the next part for another few hours (it’s 5 am right now and I haven’t slept), BUT it’s my day off work and I won’t be doing anything I planned because my grandmother had a stroke a couple days ago so plans have changed and I’m staying in to help her, meaning I’ll mostly be writing all day.

This Part is kind of a mix between off-screen and shot-by-shots, but it’s mostly off screen/what’s going on inside Reader’s head.

I’m really excited about future parts and the characters that are being introduced! I will say that after these parts, I will be doing one shots of previous MCU movies with the Reader, due to the information that is being given about the Reader now. You kind of see more of how she was affected/how she affected the previous MCU movies and what she was doing during that time.

Like always, this hasn’t been beta’d, again it’s SUPER early in the morning, and I’m really tired, so please excuse any mistakes! I hope you guys enjoy this part! Stay tuned for more to come later today!

FATWS MASTERLIST

cjsinkythoughts MASTERLIST

!SPOILERS UNDER CUT!

“You know…I’m really starting to regret saying yes to this.” You huffed out, craning your neck and squinting your eyes against the sun as you stare at the facility in front of you, hating the skin-crawling feeling of being back.

“Would you relax? Whenever you’re nervous, I get nervous, and I don’t wanna be nervous about this.” Sam shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

“Do either of you have a better plan?” Bucky grumbled, crossing his arms.

Gnawing on your lips, you finally take the lead and breathe out, “alright. Let’s go then.” You could feel the hesitance from your - what were they? Partners? Coworkers? Teammates? - the fellas before they started after you.

There was a sick twist in your gut as you entered the building, going through the lobby and security.

You had been there.

You had been there when Zemo impersonated Bucky. You had been there when Zemo unleashed the Winter Soldier at the Joint Counter Terrorist Centre Building in Berlin. You had been there during the battle at the airport. You had been there when Zemo turned Tony and Steve against each other in Siberia. You had been there when Zemo tore the Avengers from the inside out. Your family. The only family you’d ever known.

But you’d always been good about pushing your personal feelings aside for the sake of the mission. It’s what you’d been born to do. All you ever knew.

“Hey. Doll. You hear me?”

“Hmm. What?” You looked up from the ground to look into those enchanting blue oceans Bucky had for eyes, staring worriedly down at you, eyebrows pinched and forehead creased.

“I’m going in alone.” You frowned, opening your mouth to argue, but he shook his head. “Sam already agreed-”

“I didn’t necessarily agree-”

“You’re an Avenger, sweetheart.” Bucky tilted his head, speaking softly, those eyes of his worried. Worried for you. It made your stomach flip. “And you were there in Siberia, and that almost makes it worse. Especially considering you went after him. Just…just let me do this, okay?”

You cracked your knuckles nervously as you thought. It was a terrible idea. But it was an idea. And it was all they had. “Okay.” You finally relented, shrugging as your hands hit your thighs and slid up to your hips. “But don’t do anything stupid.”

“Steve took all that with him.”

Knowing about their little inside joke, you scoffed. “Sure he did. Go before I change my mind.”

You watched him walk down the hallway, hands fidgeting with excess nerves. “I think you’re the only one he actually seeks approval from.”

“Good thing I’m so lenient then, huh?” You joked, turning to Sam with a strained smile. Your smile slipped at the curious expression on Sam’s face, his eyes darting to each of your features. “What?”

“Are you doing okay?”

You groaned, throwing your head back. You thought you got out of talking about your feelings back in Baltimore. “Oh my God, Sam-”

“I’m serious. You…you just don’t seem like yourself.”

You shook your head, looking down the hall to where Bucky disappeared before turning back to him. It was weird to have a self that people recognized. Your whole life you’d been searching for it and when you finally found it…everything went to shit. “Honestly, Sammy, the only time I’ve ever felt like myself was with the team. Zemo took that away from me and now we’re here, practically begging him for help.”

Sam hummed, leaning against the wall. “Have you thought of taking a break?”

“What?”

“A break.” At your bewildered look, he rolled his eyes. “Cher, this time last year most of us were dead. This time a few months ago you found out about Wanda. This time last week you were out looking for her. Maybe you should just stop and take a breather.”

Shoving your hands in your pocket and looking at the floor, you couldn’t help but snort at his advice. “I haven’t taken a breather since I was eighteen.”

He clicked his tongue. “That’s my point. FBI academy as soon as you graduated. SHIELD recruit by 21, undercover operations leader by 24? Slow down. You’re in your thirties. Next thing you know, you’re gonna be ninety something, lying on your deathbed, wishing you had stopped to smell the roses.”

“If I live to be ninety, shoot me.” He chuckled in amusement. “I’m so fucking serious, Sam. I will not be put in an old folks home to play Bingo and be pushed around in a wheelchair. It ain’t happening.”

“I’ll see what I can do.” There was that infectious smile, which you unconsciously grinned back at. “Y/N…I’m serious. You’ve been in and out of missions since you were a teenager. What’s the shortest undercover operation you’ve done?”

“I dunno.”

He gave you an unimpressed look. “Yeah you do.”

Licking your lips, you turned away and shrugged. “A couple months. Seven weeks and three days, to be precise. September to October in 2012.”

“And the longest?”

“August 2007 to May 2009. Twenty one months.”

Letting out a puff of air through his nose, Sam pushed himself off the wall and caught your chin between his fingers to make you look at him. “That’s nearly two years under cover. And I’m sure you went right back under after-”

“I was sitting at a desk for four months doing paperwork on it.” You defended yourself.

He shook his head, brows knitting together, lips drawn down. “You say that as if four months is enough time.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore, Sammy. I’m out. I’ve been out since Ultron and Sokovia. I haven’t been under in almost a decade-”

“A decade half the world was dead for half of-”

“I wasn’t!”

“I never said you were.” Sam sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. You were always amazed at his ability to keep his emotions in check. To stay cool under pressure. Sometimes you forgot how experienced he was with dealing with other people’s trauma. It was no wonder why Steve thought he’d be good for Bucky. “Listen. All I’m saying is once this is done…don’t go diving back into searching for Wanda. Don’t go running to the kid every time he calls - and I know you’ve been doing that-”

“It’s just been homework and stuff-”

“Y/N.” You stopped, biting your lip at the stern look he gave you. “Go home. Order take out. Binge watch TV. Go for a jog through the park. Actually meet your neighbors. Go grocery shopping. Just…live. If only for a couple weeks. Don’t worry about anyone else. Don’t pick up the phone, don’t drop everything because someone needs you. You need you.”

“I-I…” You shook your head, looking at him, sincerely apologetic. “I can’t. I wish I could. But I can’t. I’ve never had one normal day in my life. I’ve never had someone to care for, never had someone to care for me. I can’t let people I’ve come to…I can’t let them think I don’t care. I don’t even know where I’d go.”

“Whaddya mean?”

You winced, not thrilled for his reaction to your next statement. “I, uh, I sold my apartment in D.C.”

He gaped at you in complete disbelief. “You got it in December!”

“I know, I know. I liked it. I really did, but…I dunno. Nomadic life has always suited me better. It’s what I grew up with.”

He took a breath, making you cringe again. You don’t think you’ve ever legitimately gotten on his nerves like this before. “Have you ever thought that, instead of going with the flow and jumping place to place, putting down roots might actually help?” He cut you off before you could say anything, holding up a finger to stop you from talking. “I can’t imagine going from foster home to foster home like you did. I can’t imagine not having a home for as long as you can remember. Louisiana’s my home. Always has, always will be. But I understand your life has been anything but stable. And maybe, just maybe, that’s why you need some stability.”

You clenched your jaw, crossing your arms. “The Avengers were my stability. Steve was my stability.”

“Because you loved him.”

“I’m not doing this with you again.” You turned to walk down to the lobby to wait for Bucky there, but Sam caught your arm.

“You were in love with him! It’s okay! You two were super close! No one would blame you! Why won’t you just admit it? I’m trying to understand! Why won’t you-”

You tugged your arm away, finally snapping at him. “Because he could never be mine, Wilson! Is that what you wanna hear?!” Sam took a step back at your exclamation. You closed your eyes, swallowing the lump in your throat and pushing down the tears. “He could preach all he wanted about moving forwards, Sammy, but we all knew he was stuck in the past. He visited the museum every Thursday because her interview showed in his exhibit on Thursdays. He carried around that broken compass because her picture was in it.” You looked back up at him sadly, shrugging. “And I get it; it’s hard to move past your first love. I get it because…that’s what he was to me.”

There was a silence that blanketed the hallway, before he spoke up hesitantly. “What about Bucky?”

“I thought - I thought I was projecting my feelings for Steve onto him because I knew Steve couldn’t ever…”

Sam raised an eyebrow. “You thought? What do you think now?”

You cleared your throat. “I’m still figuring that one out.”

“If you ever need to talk, I’ll be here.”

You chuckled, nodding slightly towards him. “Back atcha. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you not being yourself lately, either.”

“It’s…a tough topic.”

You nodded in understanding. “Just know that I’ll support every decision you make as long as you think it’s the right one. Because I trust you. Steve trusted you. It’s all we can do to try to do what’s right. That’s what makes you a good man, Sammy. He gave you that shield for a reason, and if you think what you did was right…I’ll stand by it.”

The two of you stared at each other for a moment, calming down in each other’s presences and taking comfort knowing you’d be there for each other through thick and thin. “Thank you, cher.”

“Of course, Sammy. Now let’s go see what’s taking the old grump so long.”

He laughed at that, nodding in agreement, taking your offered hand and squeezing it as you made your way down the hall.

****************

“What?”

Bucky eyed you as you spluttered, coughing on the water you were drinking. “Please don’t choke, doll.”

“Break him out of jail?!” You repeated his words and blinked at him, absolutely baffled by his plan. “Oh my God.” You groaned as Bucky and Sam started arguing, moving your flashlight around the room. “Where the hell are we?” There was no response as they kept going back and forth.

“Zemo’s gonna mess with our minds! Especially yours! No offense.”

“Heelllloooo!” You tried again. “Where the hell are we?!”

Bucky turned on the lights, giving Sam a look. “Offense.” Glancing at you he quirked an eyebrow. “Stop worrying your pretty lil’ head, sweetheart. You trust me, dontcha?” Your breath hitched at his words. You quickly recovered, huffing and pouting - although you’d deny ever pouting - and crossing your arms. You stood between the guys like that, eyes darting to whoever was speaking, waiting for them to stop so you could actually think.

“Look. Let me just walk you through a hypothetical. Can I walk you through a hypothetical?”

You and Sam exchanged glances. “What did you do?”

“I…didn’t do…anything.” Bucky shrugged.

“How is it that you, one of the most deadliest assassins basically ever, are one of the worst liars I know.” You tilted your head at him, an eyebrow quirking up in confusion.

“Shush it you. Just, okay. The weakest point in any system isn’t the software, the hardware, it’s the meatware. The human element.”

The more you listened to Bucky’s “hypothetical”, the stronger the gut feeling telling you this was a terrible terrible idea got. You brought your hands up to your head, eyes wide as he spoke.

“I don’t like how casual you’re bein’ about this. This is unnatural.”

You couldn’t help but agree with Sam’s words, your head falling back and your eyes closing. “Sweet Jesus. Listen, God, I know we don’t talk much these days, but please, please don’t let this not be a hypothetical. I’m fucking begging you.”

A noise to your right made your head snap over. “Oh hell to the fucking no!” You shook your head as Zemo himself walked in, wearing a prison guards uniform. “Uh-uh! No way! Bucky, this was not part of the plan!”

“What did you do?!”

“We need him!”

“You’re going back to prison.”

“If I may-”

All three of you faced him, simultaneously shouting, “no!”

You held your face in your hands as your head dropped, shaking back and forth, your eyes squeezing shut, tuning them out for just a minute to think. Bucky had a point. The enemy of my enemy is my friend and all that, and the Avengers were technically disbanded, which was Zemo’s whole objective in the first place, but…God. You were good at compartmentalizing, but not that much. You were willing to put your feelings aside for the mission so Bucky could talk to him. Not for you to work with him. But he had connections, you knew he did, and he had information…

“Doll?” You looked up, Bucky anxiously licking his lips as he met your gaze. “I need you to say something.”

You looked to Sam, who shrugged, gesturing to Zemo. “What do you think?”

What did you think? What did you think?! You thought that it was the worst idea in the history of ideas and you should turn back and find another way! But…you knew this was the fastest, probably most reliable way to get information that you needed.

Dammit, since when were you the deciding factor?

You sucked in a breath, looking over Sam’s shoulder at Zemo, who lifted his hand in greeting. You raised your eyes to the ceiling, pointing your finger accusingly. “This is why we stopped talking.” Gaze dropping to the still waiting fellas, you gnawed on your lip, before hissing out, “ffffine…” Running a hand through your hair, you threw your hands up as you shrugged. “Fine. Okay. Fine.”

“Okay.” Sam nodded, taking charge again.

You couldn’t believe this was happening. Except, that was a lie. You could. You’d seen weirder. You’d experienced the impossible. Lived through the unbelievable. This…this was completely imaginable.

Which is why, with a lot of hesitation and very little confidence in this plan, you followed Zemo through the auto shop you were in until you reached a large room with a ton of different old cars.

Bucky’s hand found yours as Zemo explained what the plan was, rather vaguely, in your opinion, but at least he was explaining. Point for him. Not that it would make up for the level of distrust you held for him, but it was something.

You looked up at him, giving him a puzzling frown. He usually only grabbed your hand in front of other people when he was feeling anxious. Which, yeah, he had a right to be anxious right now, but it wasn’t the right kind. The type of anxiety caused by large crowds and loud noises, ones that startled him and threw him into a defensive mode.

But the look on his face made you squeeze his hand in reassurance. He was pouting, staring at you although he did something wrong - a puppy that tore up a pillow - and all you wanted to do was give him a hug.

“You’re mad at me.” He mumbled as the four of you headed out with Zemo in the lead.

“No I’m not.”

“Yeah you are.

“Bucky, I’m not mad.”

“Listen, if I had a better idea I wouldn’t-”

You brought your linked hands up to your lips, pressing a gentle kiss to his gloved knuckles. “I’m not mad.” You repeated more firmly. “It’s just…a lot for me, right now.”

“Why? What’s going on?”

“Nothing’s going on, Buck, I-I just…” You thought about your and Sam’s earlier conversation and suddenly understood what he meant. “I need to breathe for a second.”

His features twisted into ones of uncertainty, eyes squinting as you stepped outside. “Do you…do you wanna leave?”

You shook your head, tugging his arm to stop him and grabbing the sunglasses on his collar, slipping them over his eyes. “No. I just need some time to think. Hopefully the plane ride to wherever the hell we’re going will give me that.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, James. I’m sure.”

He lowered the glasses on his nose to scan you over the frames, before nodding and sliding them back up. “Okay. You ready for this, then?”

“No.” You breathed, turning back to where Zemo and Sam were still walking. “Let’s do this.”

*****************

Climbing onto the private jet, you raised an eyebrow at Sam, who shrugged, giving you a bemused expression. A Baron…huh…who knew? You feel like you should’ve, yet there you were.

You sat besides Bucky, across from Zemo, crossing your legs and leaning back while staring at him through narrowed eyes.

His butler seemed nice, which made you even more suspicious. You obviously didn’t know as much about Zemo as you wanted to. It was a habit you picked up after years of undercover work; once the mission was complete, that was that. There was no looking back on it. No sitting on it. It was over and you moved onto the next one. It was a bad habit in cases like this.

The moment you spotted the notebook over Zemo’s book you knew something was going to happen, yet you still flinched when Bucky lunged at him, grabbing his throat. You leaned back in your seat again, steadying your now racing heartbeat. You decided you were too tense, trying to relax your muscles as Bucky sat back down in his seat.

“I’ve seen that book. It was Steve’s when he came out of the ice. I told him about Trouble Man. He wrote it in that book.” Sam seemed so proud of himself that something he recommended was written in Steve’s little book and it made you smile.

You remembered that; Steve and you were supposed to meet up for coffee after his run, but Fury called him in so you rescheduled it for when he got back. He asked you about Marvin Gaye. For your opinion. You told him to check it out and make his own.

You remembered asking him about that little notebook of his, and he just shrugged you off telling you about his list. He would read items off to you, but he never let you read the book yourself. You never found out why, and you supposed you never would now. The thought made an ache behind your ribs that you’d come to familiarize yourself with appear.

You smiled a little more as Zemo and Sam told Bucky how awesome Marvin Gaye was. “C’mon, baby. Back me up.”

Chuckling, you looked at Bucky. “They’re not wrong. But,” you quickly added before Bucky could whine at you, facing Sam again. “Neither is Buck. I mean, c’mon. You can’t find music like the 40’s anymore. Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Armstrong, Benny Goodman, Fred Astaire. Ol’ Blue Eyes himself.”

“Thank you.” Bucky grinned at Sam, who rolled his eyes.

“Okay, okay. But, I mean, c’mon! Everybody loves Marvin Gaye.”

“I like Marvin Gaye.”

“Steve adored Marvin Gaye.”

Your face fell as Zemo started talking about Steve and icons and Red Skull, your mind once again slipping away from reality.

“Kids love you.” You giggled as you finally made it out of his exhibit. You’d wanted to show it to him since he moved to D.C., and you’d finally got an opportunity after coming back from being undercover for ten weeks. “You’re their hero, you know.”

“Yeah, well, I’m just trying to do what’s right.”

You nudged him, scoffing at his answer. “You’re too humble. You’re a national icon, you know.”

Steve shrugged, looking around the museum at the planes surrounding them. “I never wanted to be.”

“Why not? Everyone loves you.”

“I’m sure not everyone loves me.” He rolled his eyes. “And…I just wanted to help. To fight. Protect my country and the people I cared about. I-I didn’t ask for…all that.” He waved behind his shoulder where his exhibit was getting smaller with each step they took away. “People were dying. Bullies were winning.”

You shook your head, spinning and walking backwards besides him to face him. “Sure, but you did that. And you became someone people could look up to in the process.”

He narrowed his eyes at you before asking, “why do you do what you do?”

“...because I’m good at it?”

“Honey.” He gave you a look. “Answer the question.”

You hummed in thought. “Because I couldn’t stand by, knowing there would be orphaned kids if I didn’t help any way I could.”

“Alright. Why do you do it in the dark?”

“Whaddya mean?”

He shrugged. “Why don’t you come out and take credit for all the lives you’ve saved?”

“Because that’s not why I do it. I don’t want that attention. I just want to know I’ve helped people. I’ve kept them safe.”

He gave you a soft smile. “I just wanted to beat the bully. I never wanted to be a dancing monkey, too.” You looked at him in a new light then, understanding where he was coming from. “Watch out, honey!” He grabbed you and pulled you aside before you could crash into a wall, arms wrapped firmly around your waist. He gave you that charming smile of his. “Wouldn’t want you hurting that pretty lil’ head of yours, now would we?”

“Y/N!”

You snapped back into the conversation, moving your eyes from the window to Bucky, who tilted his head, eyebrows pinched and eyes narrowed. “Sorry. So, Madripoor. That’s a fun place.”

You ignored the side eyed glances Bucky and Sam exchanged, Sam turning to you curiously. “You’ve been?”

“Once. Back in 2010 for a few months”

Zemo raised his eyebrows. “You’re lucky to have gotten out.”

You shrugged nonchalantly. “Lucky, maybe. Skills were a part of it, too, though.”

“Good.” Zemo nodded. “Because we’re going undercover…and if we blow it. We’re dead.”

You breathed out, shaking your memory away and getting your head back into the game. Because like the man you were severely wary of in front of you said, if you blew this, you were dead. And, sure, you didn’t want to live until ninety, but you weren’t even half way there yet. So dammit if you were going to die soon.

“Hey.” You looked over at Bucky’s murmur, his head tilting as he grabbed your hand and pulled you from your seat closer to him. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine. Are you okay? You know you’re going to have to be-”

“I know.” He nodded. You watched his Adam’s Apple bob as he swallowed thickly. “I’ll be fine. Just…tell me right now if you need to step out for this one.”

You gave him a smile that you knew he didn’t buy, just by the slight narrowing of his eye, his lips pressing together. “No. No, I’m good for this. If you think I’m gonna let you two idiots go into Madripoor with him - alone - oil that cyborg brain of yours, because there’s no way.”

He squeezed your hand, eyes still filled with uncertainty. “Are you sure?”

“If there’s even a slight possibility that I can protect you, then yeah. I’m sure, Buckaroo.”

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onionsaremeansstuff · 3 years

Text

You should have begged me to stay

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x reader

Gender: Angst & Fluff

Summary: Jensen is never home and you can’t stand this anymore

I dont own the character or the gif

Beta’d by @chaoticgaysstuff

Your relationship with your husband, Jensen was something.

You two have known each other since you were kids. He was pretty much your best friend. You two played together when you were kids and knew that you two would be close forever.

When you were 9 years old, you declared each other as boyfriends without really knowing what that meant because you both were two innocent children.

But as it turns out, you both were still boyfriends now that you weren't the innocent child you used to be.

As years passed, you both loved each other more than you did before. Hugs that you both gave each other when you were children turned into a pretty heated make out session that was behind closed doors.

When Jensen first told you how he wanted to become an actor, you supported him like you always did.

"I will never abandon you." Was what you had told him that night.

If only you knew everything that would happen with him becoming a world famous actor.

Hollywood wasn't the most acceptable place for LGBTQ people, so you both kept your relationship a secret, but there comes a price to pay when hiding something sometimes.

With each passing year, Jensen almost always became unavailable to you. You barely spent any time with him anymore.

Hell, you two only spent a minimum of two months together last year.

You were very frustrated, especially with that woman being Jensen's beard.

Now, you didn't have anything against her. You actually liked her, but she took a lot of time that you and Jensen were supposed to be spending together by pretending they were in a relationship.

And honestly, sometimes you felt that you weren't Jensen's true love.

---

Jensen would be back today from a trip and you were really excited. It has been so long since you've seen him. You couldn't wait to throw yourself in his huge arms along with having a night where you could talk about everything and nothing. Just like old times.

And as hours passed, Jensen still hasn't come home yet.

You've been sending him messages, but they were just left on delivered. He hasn't opened any of them and you were starting to get worried.

Was his flight delayed? Or did something come up? Was there an accident?

You paced back and forth, your mind consumed with worry.

---

When 3 AM came, the front door to the house opened and Jensen entered. You stood up from your spot on the couch, feeling fully awake and ran over to him. As you got closer to him, you immediately knew what he was doing.

Jensen stunk of alcohol and you noticed a purple mark on his neck.

What happened to you?" You asked, feigning Innocence.

"N- Nothing. I was at Jared's place and he had a party." He spoke, voice slightly slurred and you could tell that he was drunk.

"You know, a phone call or text message wouldn't kill you." You said and he snorted, walking straight to y'all room, completely ignoring you.

Jensen threw himself on the bed, falling asleep immediately before you could talk to him.

You sighed and went to sleep in the guest room. The smell of alcohol was essentially too much and you couldn't sleep next to him.

---

The next morning you prepared breakfast for you and your husband.

Although you were still a little hurt because of last night, you knew that it was because Jensen was drunk. So, you decided to make breakfast for him and actually talk to him.

When breakfast was ready, you went to wake him up as you grabbed some medicine for his hangover.

But, looks like he wouldn't need it after all, seeing how he wasn't in the room.

You searched every part of the house but there was no sign of him at all. You took out your phone to call him when a message popped up on his phone.

“D and I are going to breakfast and then will be spending time in the mountains. I'll be back next week.” ~Jensen.

As you read over that message, you let out a humorless laugh.

You barely spend any time with your husband and when he finally comes home, he decides to spend time with her. You cook nice and he's not here to even eat it.

And apparently he gave her a nickname, too.

You loved Jensen from the bottom of your heart, but you couldn't take this anymore. You couldn't take being the only one putting in any effort into this relationship, or if it could even be called that. You couldn't take being the one to text him first only to not receive a response. Couldn't stand being the person who waited for him to come home, only to never really come home.

You've had enough.

---

Jensen had texted you that he was coming home in an hour.

Your bags were packed with all of your clothes and stuff, and placed into your suitcase.

"This is for your own good, Y/N." You told yourself once again.

You glanced around your house one more time. So many memories have been here. Happy memories of you and him. They seem like distant memories now.

The door to the house opened and for the first time, you didn't meet him at the door like you'd usually do.

Jensen was surprised by this, having expected it. He walked over to you.

You didn't have the courage to end like this. Maybe he'll wake up and see what he has been putting you through.

"Hey, I'm gonna go to sleep. In a few hours I'm going to Vancouver."

You looked at him and managed to mask the hurt and anger that made it's way onto your face. Looks like he still hasn't realized.

You shook your head, "No your not. We're going to talk right now."

"Look Y/N I'm tired and-"

"You always seem to be tired when you're with me, right?" You interrupted him, standing up and looking at him in the eyes, "Always tired and can never have time with me. Can never stay with me."

Jensen looked at you confused, "What, Y/N? What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about our relationship being one huge joke, Jensen." You stated.

"What do you mean by that?" He asked, not understanding what you are trying to say.

"You're never at home, Jensen! I always have to be the one to try and make our relationship work and you seem to be looking for an excuse to get away from me. Hell, last year we barely spent two months together!" You snapped.

Jensen laughed sarcastically before looking at you angrily, "Well, I'm sorry that I have to work. I forgot how selfish you could be. I need time to myself. It's not easy working my ass off to give this life. This rich life." He growled.

"Oh, well I'm sorry that wanting to spend time with my husband is selfish. And do you really think I care about being rich? I loved you since you had to ask money to buy candy. I never cared about money. I always wanted you and you clearly can't see how unhappy I've been."

The eyes that once looked at you with love now looked at you with hatred.

Jensen didn't answer for a second, thinking as he looked down at the ground before snorting and looking at you, "If you are so unhappy then why don't you just leave."

You looked at him with sadness in your eyes.

That was it.

Jensen no longer cared about your relationship and he didn't even fight for you. Or even try to make things better between you both. He just gave up.

Just like that.

And you felt your heart break.

"If this is what you want. I'll leave." You stated, trying your best not to cry in front of him.

You left the room and went to get your bag and from the bedroom, you heard the sound of Jensen's car engine taking off down the road.

You sighed as you looked around this room looking one last time.

'Do it for your own good Y/N.' You thought as you walked out of the house.

---

Seven months have passed since your break up with Jensen and you hadn't been doing well.

Jensen was someone who was always there for you since you were a kid. Not talking to him was a completely strange and new sensation to you.

You couldn't help but think about him.

When you saw something funny or when you had a nightmare you would always call Jensen.

Sometimes, you'd have your phone in your hand with his contact information, ready to call him.

'Would he answer me?' You asked yourself.

You shook your head, "He doesn't care about you. Move on." You muttered.

Both of your lives went on without one another.

"You will survive Y/N." You told yourself, "You got this man."

---

You were sitting in the cafe that was across the street from your job. The place was pretty empty and you sat there in a booth with a cup of coffee, enjoying the peaceful silence.

The place was in complete silence, except for a small TV near your table which was playing something.

You weren't paying attention to it until you heard the name Jensen Ackles coming on the TV.

"The actor, Jensen ackles who is best known for his role as Dean Winchester on the TV show supernatural, posted a video saying that he and Danneel Harris have been in a fake relationship for years."

Your eyes widened, staring at the TV as you sipped on your coffee.

"Well, there is no reason for him to keep her as his beard anymore. He must have found someone he really loves now." You sighed in exasperation.

"The actor also stated that this fake relationship has cost him a lot, especially the relationship with the love of his life." The anchor said but you didn't care.

---

You arrived at your old house after a long and exhausting day of work.

After your parents died, you refused to sell your old house. Jensen always said that it didn't make sense since you lived with him. Nowadays, you are grateful for not selling it.

You threw yourself on the couch and fell asleep quickly.

---

You were woken up later by a knock on the door.

"Who the fuck could be at the door this late at night?" You pondered, getting up off the couch and walking over to the door.

You opened the door, not fully awake and your eyes only half open, "What?"

"Can I talk to you, Y/N?" The sound of Jensen's voice made your eyes open, feeling fully awake at the moment.

Jensen stood in front of the door, holding a bouquet of your favorite flowers.

You stared at him before slamming the door in his face.

"Y/N, please open the door!" Jensen pleaded and you didn't respond, "I'll climb into your window, or break your door down and you know I can." He threatened and you sighed, opening the door for him.

Jensen was wearing Dean Winchester's classic smile as he held the flowers out to you.

"A beautiful thing for a beautiful thing." You looked at the flowers before looking at him again as you gave him a look that said, 'Just get on with it already.'

"Teenage you would have loved the fact that I gave you flowers." Jensen said as you took the flowers out of his hand. He walked over to sit on the couch.

"Teenage me believed you cared about me." You spoke up, and placed the flowers on the counter and walked over to him. You stood with your arms crossed as you waited for him to speak.

Jensen opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

If you don't tell me what you came here to tell me, I'll call the cops." You said seriously.

"I'm sorry." Jensen spoke quickly and you waited for him to continue.

An awkward silence took over for a few seconds before Jensen coughed.

"If that's all you have to say, then you can get out of here." You exclaimed, turning away from him.

"Y/N I'm an idiot, okay?"

You nodded, "Yeah, you are."

"And I regret what happened that day. I should have asked you to say instead of telling you to leave."

"You should've but didn't. Close the door on the way out, will ya?"

"Y/N I-"

"Look Jensen, I don't know what game you are playing, or if your just desperate for sex. Or if the person you were staying with dumped you, but I will not continue to give my all to someone that isn't given back. You can leave."

"I'm not dating anyone Y/N, and I'm not here for sex." Jensen sighed, "I'm a complete idiot. I was so used to you being there that I was never aware of how much I needed you. "Jensen looked down at the ground as he spoke.

"Ever since you've been gone, I missed you like crazy and all I wanted was to hear the sound of your voice. I missed having you by my side."

"When we were together, you never slept at home and didn't even bother to call me, so stop bullshitting me." You shouted, feeling fed up with this crap.

"And I deeply regret everything that has happened. I was frustrated because I never had time for you anymore and I pushed you away. Not the smartest decision, I know and when you brought it up, I took my anger out on you, though I was angry with myself. When our relationship ended, I thought it was for the best, but i can't live without you!" He explained, tears falling from his eyes.

He crouched down next to your feet, wrapping his arms around your leg and hugged it tightly.

"I love you so much, Y/N. I'm such an idiot and you deserve better than me, but I love you so much. I've loved you ever since we were kids, and I promise that if you take me back, I'll drop everything for you. I'll quit acting, won't go to anymore conventions, all of it! I just want my man back."

Your pants were really wet now because of the tears from Jensen. You knew now that he regretted his decision.

And deep down you knew that Jensen was the one for you.

You ran your fingers through Jensen's hair which made him look up at you, sniffling a little.

"You have another chance, but you better not fuck it up again." With that sentence, Jensen stood up and started planting kisses all over your face, "And you don't have to give up your career for me, Jen. You just need to make sure that we spend time with each other, okay?"

He nodded, shedding a few happy tears. But they weren't sad tears. They were tears of Joy.

---

~ 6 months later ~

"Hey Karen, can you please give these files to Jenny?" You asked, holding the files out to her as she took them and nodded her head, "Thanks!"

Y/N L/N!" Your co-worker, Lily called out, walking into your office as Karen walked out, giving you a hug, "Or should I call you Y/N Ackles now? Congratulations! I'm so happy for you!!"

You looked at her confused and a little frightened. How did she find out?

Seeing how confused you look, she showed you her phone and it was pictures that Jensen posted on his instagram.

It was pictures of you and him. He posted 5 pictures of you guys together.

The first phone was you and him as babies, playing in the sandbox together which was taken by your mother.

The second one was of you and him in high school. He had a wide smile on his face as he hugged.

The third one was of you and him cooking together and smiling happily at the camera.

The fourth one was of you and Jensen the day you got married.

And the last one was of you lying on his chest.

The caption said: Today, I would like to show the world my handsome husband and the love of my life, Y/N Ackles! I have known him since we were kids and always had a crush on him. He is the most amazing and lovable person in the world and he's very out of my league. Unfortunately, I fucked up our relationship many times, but he gave me another chance even though I didn't deserve it. I love you Y/N Ackles!! Thanks for always being with me!

(Btw, I know he's hot, but he's mine!)

You were shocked to see that he told the world about your relationship and tears started streaming down your face.

"Are you okay, Y/N?" Lily asked, as you gave her back her phone. You didn't answer her question. Instead, you ran to the men's room and took out your phone, calling Jensen.

He picked up the phone after 4 rings.

"Hey Y/N!"

"Jensen, what was that all about?" You questioned.

"Did you not like it?" He asked, worried that you didn't like what he had done.

"I loved it. I loved it alot and I love you, but are you sure you were ready to come out right now? You know how Hollywood is."

"Fuck Hollywood! If they don't want me anymore for loving another man then I don't care. I have you and that's more than enough for me."

You smiled at the words spoken from Jensen and the two of you talked for a little while longer like two teenagers.

Your relationship with Jensen was strange and difficult at times, but you wouldn't trade him for anyone else.

#Jensen Ackles x male reader #Jensen Ackles x reader #male reader #x male reader #Jensen Ackles x male!reader #dean winchester x male reader #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x male!reader #supernatural x male reader #supernatural x reader

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jimines · 3 years

Note

Whats actually happened between you and taemaknae? I read about it on the tea blog and still confused

This is an insanely long story so I'm going to put it below the cut so for anyone interested in this absolute shit show, continue on.

Essentially, I posted these headers about a month ago:

It was a set of like 8 colours and it was the first time I had ever posted any headers or anything. The issue nic had with these, was the ripped paper bottom. Because apparently you can trademark that. I had asked a (now ex) “friend” of mine if she knew where I could find the ripped paper effect because I had seen the effect on the header of her network blog and I had been trying to find a similar thing for months and google images never gave me anything good. She ended up referring me to google images anyways and after like an hour of dedicated searching, I found this ripped paper effect and used it. This ex “friend” went on to tell another friend of mine that I had "asked where nicole gets her resources for her headers" and then screenshotted my dm as "proof", which still confuses me because I never mentioned nicole there lmao. I've seen the screenshot.

Tell me where I said nicole. It was literally just a question born from seeing the header they had on their network lmao. I feel it’s important to mention I didn’t know this person ran said network at that time, which is why i said “these people”.

This other friend then came to me and just said my headers "may be seen as similar to nic's” and said she noticed it on her own and never mentioned my other “friend” approaching her. I was confused because other than that ripped paper effect that I know many people on tumblr use, I saw no similarities. Nic's headers are usually more complex and more than just a coloured background with a little effect in it. I just wanted to make some simple headers for fun because I was bored. But, regardless, I messaged nic about it to make sure she didn't feel the same way. I told her a friend of mine was worried nic might think my headers are similar to her's and I assured her that if she found them similar I would take them down, no questions asked. Nic told me she was surprised this friend brought it up and told me that it was entirely up to me if I found the headers similar. She never once told me she felt they were the same, never mentioned anything about them, she insisted it was up to me to do as I pleased. So, since I genuinely found no similarities, I left them up.

About a week went by and things between nic and I were fine, or so I thought, based off the fact that she was interacting with my posts, sending me cute asks and replying to a lot of my comments and stuff being kind and whatnot. Then, I decided to post a small list of my creations and the series I had running at the time.

After that, all of a sudden I got an influx of rude hate anons:

To anyone I mentioned the anons to, they agreed with me, you cannot trademark circular icons. This anon also accused me saying “just the fact that you had an anxiety attack about it proves you copied them” Like no sweetie, it’s called three strangers walked into my house and I got anxious.

Despite me not seeing the issue, I messaged nic, assuming she wouldn't care about the icons (it wasn't like I was taking her exact work and copying and pasting them as my own) and that made her very upset. When she responded to me, she was incredibly heated and gave off the vibe she was waiting for me to message her about it.

She said things like "this has actually been bothering me for a while", "i expected you to be able to read between the lines and delete the headers", "i don't know who that anon was but clearly they recognize my style". For starters, she never told me that she was annoyed with me, she was being very kind to me publicly. And I have no idea how I was meant to “read between the lines” of what she said especially considering how kind she was to me the following days. I also never accused her of knowing this anon, she just insisted it wasn't her and she didn't know them right off the bat. She also insinuated that I copied my gifs from others as well, which ticked me off because I made my 100+ layer psd myself thank you very much. But I kept my cool, and I told her I had no idea she felt the way she did, and I told her I would delete the headers (which i did as the conversation was going on), and that I would stop posting my icons and bringing attention to them because no one ever paid it any mind before that point. And I asked her “please tell me straight up the next time you have an issue with me because I am generally pretty dumb with social cues”, I have my adhd to thank for that. And instead of replying, she just blocked me. And conveniently, the hate anons stopped dead right after we blocked each other and I haven't received any since.

Also, these are the kinds of icons I posted:

Looks pretty generic and idk, universal, right?

Then, as I've recently found out today, she was in an "anti-loverjimin" groupchat with at least 2 other bloggers.

Which explains why this all went and fell into place. I know who the two other bloggers are because of what happened two days later but I won't name them just yet, but these two people had been "friends" with me for several months. So, a day or two after nic blocked me, all of a sudden some good friends of mine were blocking me and not talking to me when I asked what was going on. I found out soon after it was because nicole and those two now ex “friends” of mine had taken old dms I sent them and were showing them to people. And I will go into detail about them but I won't name the people they are about for privacy reasons.

Before I move on, to clarify some lies nic has been spreading about me, I never once shit talked nicole to my friends. One of these ex friends also said I was trying to get people on my side. I would have reacted to this all very very differently if that were the case. I would be dragging everyone through the fucking dirt but I don't get off on drama or micromanaging what my mutuals do. My issues are with these people, if you're still friends with them that's your decision i could not care less. So, back to it, the only thing I said about nic was that she and I had a stupid small fight over icons and that she was spreading lies about me, based off of what nic said to jordan.

That exact message, or slight variations of it, was sent to anyone I interacted with because I didn't know if nic was going to stop at jordan or try and get to everyone I fucking knew lmao. Some of the people I messaged this to told ME nic had done this kind of thing before, that she has sent hate anons, launched hate campaigns, cancelled people, etc. Over stupid shit like icons lmao.

Here are some responses I received after I mentioned nicole:

And nic or one of her friends also took it upon themselves to send anons to that tea blog to blow shit up and named everyone and made it an even bigger mess when they saw no one was actively trying to fight me after the dms got out.

I also love that in this following ask, they named my two “friends” that were behind the whole dm drama and backstabbed me, as well as two other people I never badmouthed, that story was twisted. But we’ll get into those details shortly.

And she also told people I clout chased big blogs and only cared about notes. At one point, yes, I did care a lot about my statistics. However, never once did I think clout chasing was worth my fucking time or energy, Nic is the biggest clout chaser on this damn site and there are receipts of that, ask jordan lmao. And I couldn’t give two shits about my statistics anymore lmao, much less anxiety that way. Do I still crave validation sometimes? Sure. But it's not a driving force of my tumblr experience like it used to be.

But, moving on to the dms, the first one was sent when I first came back to tumblr full-time and didn't understand why people self reblogged things, I found the pretence of self reblogging annoying and greedy and I complained about it and it was a comment fuelled by two bloggers that i would see sr a lot on my dash. But I never thought THEY were annoying, as these people are saying I did, it was self reblogging I found annoying and as you can see I have come to understand why people sr and I do it myself too. I didn't even know these two bloggers at this time either. That dm was cropped to hide the fact that this "friend" agreed with me and hid the date as well so it seemed recent, and was sent to one of the bloggers I mentioned as an example, someone I had since become good friends with.

I didn’t befriend one of the people I mentioned there until mid to late June. That friendship is now over thanks to this drama and all the lies. The second friend of mine they went after was never spoken about in dms, they went and turned her against me through lies and manipulation so that friendship has ended too. And while those two were doing that, nic went off to try and turn jordan against me.

There was a particular user on here that I did say some nasty things about but we weren't friends, as many people have been made to believe. I was particularly mad at this person in those dms and was hurtful, I admit, and I have since apologized and owned up to all of it to these people. I did call them fake and/or two-faced.

And what in the gassing me up bullshit was their response though lmao. I also sent this following dm before I even talked about the issue with this person. They urged me to continue and to name drop the person, and I stupidly thought they were trustworthy.

My reasoning for what I said wasn't unwarranted though, I don't make a habit of going around shit-talking people, unless they do something to me first. I vent when I am upset and this person had sent me a passive aggressive ask and then denied sending it when I asked and I thought that was just very fake, especially since she was so kind to me in dms before the ask came in. But all of these dms were cropped too to hide timestamps and responses, and in most cases, like those screenshots prove, these "friends" either gassed me up or egged me on to continue ranting or to name the people i was mad at and they had agreed with me on several, several occasions. Turns out they were trying to get dirt on me to use in their cancel campaign. But the point is, nic has made me out to be this horrible person that befriends "big blogs" (an overrated statement) and then shit talks them behind their back without remorse. Yet it was one person I said rude things about and I, again, owned up to it all and apologized to them the first day. I would've done it sooner had I a) remembered feeling the way I did all those months ago or remembered the dms themselves or b) felt that way still after meeting them. But neither is the case.

I find it really amusing though that these people wanted things to be kept quiet and didn’t want anyone they spoke to to talk to me about it because I was going to “out them on my blog” and “make a big scene”, then they three went and made it a big fucking scene and ruined my friendships. I’m familiar with this pattern of manipulation as it has happened to me in real life before and it’s the most childish bullshit to witness.

Before this callout day for nic, I had never once been directly rude to or about her, same goes for those ex “friends” that betrayed my trust and friendship. The fact that they plotted against me in a group chat while still actively talking to me and being all buddy buddy is just disgusting. Both of them were talking to me that day at the same time they were sharing the dms and shit-talking me to my friends. But yeah, that's my side, the untwisted side, of the whole story. I tried to be mature and talk to nic and when I didn't do what she wanted me to do, she blocked me and launched the hate campaign with dms and the power of photoshop. I’ve been hesitant to make any of this public because it was meant to be a silent ordeal but I’ve grown tired of her constantly publicizing everything without consequence while I remain silent like I promised.

#anon #replied💌#tw:negativity #drama #long post #read at your own risk aha #its a shit show #idc if you rb it #pinning temporarily for the next day(sih)#ish*#edited with screenshots and whatnot that i forgot i had on my phone lmao

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mishacollinsthighsss · 3 years

Text

Pairing: Dean Winchester/Castiel

Warnings: mention of Dean's death, mention of Castiel's death (but it's mostly just pure fluff, I promise)

Post 15x20, Fix-It-Fic (kinda)

Happy Supernatural day guys, I thought a little Destiel fix-it would be fitting for this day 💙

Not beta'd, all mistakes are my own

"Cas, you stupid son of a bitch! Do you hear me? That's what you are, alright?"

Dean looked up into the sky above him - which, now that he thought about it wasn't actually the sky, but who knew what was real in heaven and what wasn't. He had been driving around for a month now - maybe it had been just two weeks? - Dean didn't know, but what he knew was that he was praying to the stupid angel in a trenchcoat, without success. He'd thought that after everything that had happened, Cas would be happy to see him, would come to greet him the second he arrived here, but nothing.

"Damnit Cas, I know you can hear me!"

The former hunter was standing at the foot of a mountain, surrounded by nothing but trees, flowers, and bees. He didn't even notice how far he'd walked, but when he let his gaze wander, he realized that the meadow was huge. He felt an ache in his heart all of a sudden, because he knew that this, right here, would be one of Cas' favorite places.

His anger grew all of a sudden, but at the same time, his eyes filled with tears and he sat down on the ground, leaning against a solid tree.

"Listen, I know that - that things aren't that fancy between us right now, but I - I wanna... God, move your ass here, Cas!"

His voice got louder and louder, until he could hear it echoing back from... somewhere. Dean had no idea, but he didn't care. He was exhausted, even though he didn't need to sleep up here, but he knew exactly that it wasn't that kind of exhaustion, no, it was the emotional kind.

For what had felt like forever, he was searching for Cas, trying to reach him somehow, starting right after he realized that he loved the goddamn angel as well, but until now, there was not a single sign of him.

"Please man, I need you. We need - we need to talk."

His voice cracked at the last word and the first tear found its way down his cheek, but he wiped it away quickly. His head dropped back then against the tree with a sigh, and he closed his eyes.

"You realize that you can't hide forever, right? Come on, whatever the reason is, we'll figure it out, we'll figure everything out. Cas, please."

His eyes were still closed, and suddenly, there was a light breeze at the meadow, making the trees rustle a little.

"Hello, Dean."

Dean's head snapped up while he tore his eyes open, and for a second, he felt too dizzy to see anything. When his eyes got used to the light again though, he was looking right at Cas'...

His eyes snapped up so fast that once again, he got hit by a wave of dizziness, while his cheeks got hot in an instant.

"Jesus, you could've showed up next to me, or behind me, or... or..."

Just then, the former hunter realized that it was actually Cas standing right in front of him, and just like that, his heart was up his throat, while at the same time, his stomach seemed to tie itself in knots. It was Cas, his Cas who he was searching for a month, standing right in front of him like nothing had happened.

He jumped up, not sure what he was about to say, but all of a sudden, he was furious.

"Hello? That's all you have to say?"

His voice was shaking, and his hands automatically clenched into fists, while he tried to control himself not to punch the angel right into his stupid, beautiful face.

"Yes."

Cas' expression was blank, and Dean huffed an angry laugh, while he turned to bring some space between them. When he took a few steps, he didn't turn around again, because his eyes were burning with unshed tears, and as much as Dean was thinking about this moment, prepared for it, even, he couldn't say what he wanted to say, not now, not like this.

"Do you have any idea how long I've been searching for you?" the hunter asked, his voice quiet.

"I'm aware, yes," Castiel answered, and Dean had to close his eyes. He'd been thinking about this moment for almost two months now, the whole time on earth and in heaven, and this wasn't how he'd thought it would go. It wasn't even close.

"Then why? Why did you make me wait?"

It was a desperate question, Dean's voice full of emotions, he could hear it, but he couldn't stop it. It took him some time to become like this, to not hide his feelings anymore, and he wouldn't be ashamed of it now.

"I could sense your anger, Dean. I thought that -"

"Well, next time stop thinking buddy, and do what I ask you for."

Dean knew it sounded selfish, and again, a little desperate, but he couldn't stop himself. Slowly, he turned around, his head lowered to hide his tears at first, but after he took a deep breath, he raised it slowly to look at Cas.

"You have any idea how much I've missed you, you son of a bitch?" he whispered, while he slowly approached the angel, one small step after another. Castiel's eyes went wide for a second, before his expression went completely blank again, but even though he tried to hide it, Dean noticed the small gulp anyway.

"You have any idea how I felt when you left? When you dumped all that shit on me, not even caring about what I'd have to say, and then you just disappeared? You have any idea how that made me feel?"

Dean's voice got louder and louder, and at the end, he was almost yelling, his voice echoing from the mountains, and for the first time since Cas' confession, he understood what the angel had said.

'You think that hate and anger, that's what drives you, that's who you are. It's not!'

No, what he was feeling wasn't anger. He wasn't angry at Cas. He was desperate, and heartbroken, and confused, but not angry. Slowly, the former hunter took a deep breath, his gaze locked with Cas' the whole time.

"You think I'm a rock? That you could just dump that on me and leave, and that I'd be okay with that?"

Dean took another step closer, then one more, until their faces were only inches apart. The angel lowered his head in shame, but not a single word came out of his mouth. When his ears turned into a dark share of red, Dean almost smiled through his tears.

"You think I'm okay without my best friend by my side?" Dean whispered, while he pushed Cas' head back up, using his index finger.

"Cas, say something," he begged, almost desperate, because even though Dean had learned to deal with his shit by now, he still couldn't stand it to get no answer when he was being vulnerable in front of anybody.

"I'm sorry," Cas whispered, while he lifted his head all the way to look into Dean's eyes. The former hunter could see tears glistening in Castiel's eyes as well, and just with one look, he knew that the angel was sincere.

"Just don't... don't ever do shit like that again, alright?" Dean mumbled, before he grabbed the angel by the shoulders and pulled him into a hug, so tight that breathing got hard after some seconds, but Dean didn't care, because first of all, he was dead already, and second, he'd die for this, for Cas, just like Cas had died for him.

After some moments, Castiel hesitantly lifted his arms as well and wrapped his arms around Dean's lower back, which made the former hunter sigh. His eyes fell shut and he had a hard time resisting the urge to bury his face at the other man's neck, but somehow, he did it. Just when he was about to let go, he could feel a sharp pain at the back of his head, accompanied by a loud slapping sound. Dean jumped back, eyes wide, and stared at Cas in disbelief.

"That," Cas said, the smallest of smiles on his lips, "was for dying right after I sacrificed myself for you to live. You can thank Charlie for showing me this."

Dean raised his hand and rubbed the spot that was throbbing a little now, and he was more than aware that in heaven, he wasn't supposed to feel any pain, except of when he wanted to.

"That's... that's fair," he mumbled, and his cheeks turned pink, while the corner of his mouth lifted a little.

"Yeah, I think I deserve that."

He wasn't sure if Cas knew how he died, or why, but if he did, he wasn't showing it. No, if he'd know, he wouldn't grin like that now, Dean was sure, and for some reason, he was more relieved about that than he thought he'd be.

"Listen, there's... there's something else we need to talk about," he mumbled suddenly, and his smile disappeared immediately, just like Castiel's.

"If you mean what happened on earth -"

"No, you shut your mouth and let me talk, you had your moment already."

There was no heat behind Dean's words, but Cas' mouth snapped shut anyway. Suddenly, there was a light breeze ghosting over the meadow, and Dean felt the urge to turn around, so he did, blaming it on his still very present hunter instincts. He was almost sure to see someone behind them, Jack maybe, or anyone else who wanted to see Dean, but what was there instead took his breath away.

Right there, just a few feet behind them, was a huge barn, but not any barn, no, the barn they'd met all those years ago. The light changed as well, and suddenly, it was dark, the only light given by at least a thousand fireflies, quietly flying around the barn.

"Friggin' heaven," he mumbled and his face turned into a dark shade of red, because even though he was denying it all the time, he knew this was his work - he was a fucking sap.

When he turned his head again to look at Cas, the angel's eyes were wide, staring in awe at the spectacle in front of his, his lips slightly parted.

"Dean..."

"Not a word. Listen, there's... there's some stuff I wanna say as well," Dean said, his voice more firm that he'd thought, but he cleared his throat anyway before he began to speak.

"First of all, I'm still mad at you for what you did back there, alright? And I will be, probably for a long time. But..."

The former hunter searched Castiel's gaze, and only when their eyes locked, he continued.

"But even though I was - or am - mad, that doesn't mean I didn't miss you like crazy. Do you have any idea how fuckin' thrilled I was when I came here and Bobby told me you're around as well? And how - how disappointed I was when you didn't show up?"

"Dean, I didn't mean to -"

"No, shut up, man. I already told you, you had your moment."

Dean waited for an answer, but Cas was just standing there, staring at him, without saying another word. He shoved his hands into his jeans pockets, but when his fingers hit something that hadn't been in there before, he furrowed his brows. Slowly, he tried to make out what it was. It was something small, a little box, maybe? It was soft and -

Oh. Oh no. Definitely no. This couldn't be, this-

"Dean?"

Dean's eyes snapped back to Cas, and just then he noticed that he'd had lowered his head. The angel stared at him with his brows furrowed and his head tilted to the side, and Dean's heart jumped by the sight.

'Why not?' a voice was whispering in his head all of a sudden, and he knew it was right? Why the hell not, right? It's not like he'd suddenly die, he already was dead. Go big or go home.

"Yeah, I'm, uh... let's walk a little, alright?"

Dean tilted his head into the direction of the barn and started walking, and Cas followed him immediately. As soon as they were side by side, their arms touching just a little, like they'd always done when he was still alive, Dean started talking again.

"So... I have one question. Did you mean it? What you said, I mean, the - the love part."

The former hunter was too afraid to look at Castiel, so he kept his gaze at his feet, watching every of his own steps carefully. He knew Cas had meant it, but he still needed to ask, just to make sure.

"Of course I meant it, Dean."

Again, Dean's heart jumped and he had to take a few deep breaths to calm it down. They walked around the barn until they reached the entrance door, which was closed, and that's when Dean stopped. He took another deep breath and lifted his gaze, about to start talking again, but as soon as their eyes locked, he couldn't get a word out. Instead, he lifted his hand, which was shaking a little, slowly, almost like he could break Cas if he wasn't careful. He couldn't breathe, couldn't think anymore, his whole body worked on its own. As soon as his fingertips touched the other man's cheek, careful, soft, he exhaled.

He wanted to say so much, wanted to tell the angel that he loved him, that what he did was stupid, that he could have what he wanted, but his mouth didn't work.

Cas' eyes went wide by Dean's touch, but not even a second later, he leaned closer to Dean's hand, and Dean cupped his cheek fully. Somehow, they got closer and closer, and now their noses were almost touching, Dean could feel Castiel's breath on his own lips. Out of reflex, his tongue flicked out to wet them, and Cas' gaze dropped down, just for a split second, but he didn't move.

"You stupid son of a bitch," Dean whispered, his eyes full of tears once again, before he closed the distance and pressed his lips against Castiel's. Their mouths were closed, it was a soft, tender kiss, almost a little shy, but feeling Cas' lips on his own for the first time was enough to drive Dean crazy. His eyes fell shut, which caused some tears to roll down his cheeks, but he didn't even notice, he was too focused on the other man.

Cas gasped when their lips met, and at first, he was frozen in place, but when Dean started to move his lips, slowly, to give the angel time to proceed what was happening, Cas hesitantly put his hands on Dean's waist and pulled him closer. Dean whimpered and he knew he'd deny it later, but he stepped even closer, until their bodies were pressed together from head to toe.

They were standing there for minutes, hours, days, hell, it could've been weeks, according to how time worked in heaven, but when they finally separated, Cas was looking at him with such awe in his eyes that Dean had to lower his head.

"You could've just asked, you know? I know - I know I wasn't easy to be around, but... to think that this is something you couldn't have, that was just stupid."

Huh, his voice sounded way too deep. Cas didn't say a word, didn't even breathe, and as the seconds ticked by, Dean got a little worried. Slowly, he looked up, just to see Cas still standing there like before, his eyes wide, his mouth slightly opened, his cheeks flushed. He was beautiful.

"I love you too, Cas," Dean said, his voice quiet, because he didn't know what else to say. Then, just like that, Cas' eyes filled with tears in mere seconds, and the liquid slowly ran down his cheeks as soon as he began to smile. The smile quickly turned into a grin, and Dean couldn't resist to smile as well. For some reason, they both started laughing, at the same time, and they laughed so hard that their bellies started to hurt.

When they finally calmed down a little, Dean took Cas' hand and took a few deep breaths.

"We're both a couple of dumbasses, huh?" he mumbled, his mind once again wandering back to the small box that was still hiding in his pocket.

"Dean, I -"

"I'm not done yet," Dean said with a grin, which felt a little off, because he was nervous as hell all of a sudden. With his free hand, he pulled out the little box, still hiding it in his fist, and started talking once more.

"So uh... I know that I'm - well, dead, and you're an angel, and heaven is a fucking traitor, but uh... would you... wear that? It's - it's not - I mean, marriage is a bit useless up here, but -"

The former hunter wasn't sure how to finish, so he just closed his mouth and lifted his hand with the little box. As soon as he opened it, he couldn't hold back a little chuckle. What was inside was a ring, a silver ring to be more specific, but there was one blue line, going around the silver all the way in little waves. Dean remembered how he'd seen this ring once, and even back then, his mind had jumped to Castiel immediately, because the blue was the exact same color as the angel's eyes.

Cas' eyes went wide once again and he lifted his hand to touch the ring carefully. Silence stretched between them, and just when Dean started to think this had been a bad idea, Cas sobbed, just once, before he wrapped his arms around the former hunters neck and squeezed tightly.

"It'd be an honor to wear that ring, Dean," he whispered, right next to Dean's ear, and Dean breathed out, just then realizing that he'd been holding his breath. When Cas pulled back from the hug, Dean took his hand once again and slid the ring on his finger, before he intertwined their hands with a smile.

"I know that - that there's a lot to talk about still, but could we just... dunno, enjoy the night? Or... day, or evening, or... whatever..." Dean asked when he looked around. The light had changed once again, and instead of the barn, there was a small house, just big enough for two people to comfortably live in. Nearby was a little lake, surrounded by trees. The meadow was still there, but there was also a road now, close to the house. And a white picket fence. A fucking white picket fence. Dean's face turned red in an instant.

"Is this where you want to live from now on?" Cas asked while looking around, not even noticing Dean's embarrassment.

"Seems like it is," Dean shot back, his voice a little more grumpy than usual.

"It's beautiful," Cas answered, before he looked at Dean again, his face turning serious.

"Do you want to... live alon-"

"God, Cas, are you fucking kidding me? Don't even think about leaving me again or I'll find you just to stab you."

"Wouldn't be the first time," Cas mumbled, but there was a huge, loving smile on his face, and Dean couldn't do anything else than to smile back.

"Let's get inside then," Cas said and squeezed Dean's hand, and the former hunter nodded and followed quickly. Cas was back, finally, and Dean wasn't a coward for once. He'd been honest about his feelings, and for the first time in his life, there was nothing that could destroy his happiness. No monster, no sudden death, nothing. It was just Cas and him. Cas, angel of the lord, soldier of God, who loved him. Him, just a human, a tiny, little human. Dean couldn't believe his luck. He followed Cas inside the house, and when he turned around to close the door, he exhaled. This was heaven, right here, with Cas, the man he loved. Finally, he was at peace. Finally, he was home.

Tag list: @sam--ships--it @green-blue-heller @professorerudite @foolsdreamhigh @jmjlover @spnmrvlshrlck @melly-the-crazy-coconut @thebluelynxx @lulu-zodiac @bigartpuppy @charliesfandomlife

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#dean winchester #castiel #destiel #destiel fanfic #destiel fic #destiel fanfiction #destiel fix it #post 15x20 #destiel first kiss #deancas #deancas fic #deancas fanfiction #deanxcastiel #dean x cas #JasWrites

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night-fallz · 3 years

Text

XY’s Muse

Based on this prompt

Like I have stated before, this is my first fanfic. Please let me know what you think of it. Any kind of criticism will be welcome.

uploaded on 01/23/21

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Ao3 // Wattpad

previous II next

Chapter 2

XY was staring at the ceiling. A week has already passed. And he still couldn't stop thinking about the day he spent with Marinette. It was the most fun he'd had in a while.

Before the whole Silencer fiasco, his father would not stop pressuring him to produce a new song. So when they met up for dinner and his dad came up with the idea of stealing someone else's music, he couldn’t bring himself to decline.

XY knew it was wrong.

But all he wanted was the chance to finally impress his dad. Bob Roth might not have the best attitude towards him, but he was all XY had left.

Xy already lost his mom. He would not lose his dad too.

At least, that's what he believed. He should've known that his father was just using him for money. According to his dad, money was the most valuable thing in life.

XY scoffed. He should've known better. He should've known that all his father thought of hi-

He felt a buzz in his pocket and his face immediately brightened. Marinette just texted him!

Marinette: what's up?

Marinette: have u been inspired yet?

Marinette gave XY the idea to just sit back and let inspiration hit him. It was a common idea but it was one that most people tend to forget in the long run.

XY: nothing much

XY: and nope.

XY: my dad has been pressuring me to come up with something tho

Marinette: ignore him

Marinette: he's just mad cause he can't get any ladies

The three dots popped up on his screen.

Marinette: OH CRAP I'M LATE

Marinette: TTYL.

XY rolled his eyes and smiled.

They've been texting back and forth these past few days. He's learned so many things about her and vice versa.

It was nice. It's been a while since XY has had a friend.

Maybe she'll be even more, XY couldn’t help but think as he ran a hand through his hair.

"Huh," XY said out loud. "Even more"

And just like that, inspiration for his next song hit him.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Marinette was thinking of a certain blonde-haired, blue-eyed musician when she heard her phone ring.

"Tikki!" she screamed, staring at her phone as if it was Hawkmoth himself.. "He's calling me. XY is calling me."

Tikki sighed and floated next to Marinette, "Maybe you should answer it. It would be pretty rude to keep him waiting."

"Right, right," Marinette answered his call and hoped her voice didn’t sound as squeaky as she thought it did.. "Hey."

"Hey."

There was a moment of awkward silence.

Marinette didn’t know what to do. She glanced at the small goddess.

Tikki rolled her eyes at their awkwardness as she gestured to the phone. Ask him why he called you, she mouthed to Marinette.

Marinette nodded. That was a smart idea. "So," Marinette cleared her throat. "Why did you call me?"

"Right, Uhm." Marinette heard him shuffling around his room. "You know how you've been asking me if I was inspired and stuff?"

Marinette's eyes grew wide and a huge smile took over her face as she started to nod before remembering that he couldn't see her. "Yep." she eagerly said, "Did you find any?"

"Yes!" Marinette could hear the excitement in his voice. "I was actually wondering if you wanted to design the outfits for my music video."

Marinette's eyes looked shocked. "Yes!" she jumped around in excitement before remembering she was still in a call with XY. "Why me though?"

XY’s voice sounded confused.. "What do you mean, why you? You're literally perfect for it. You're talented. Plus, everyone loves your designs."

Marinette’s cheeks resembled a tomato. She has never been more thankful for the fact that he couldn't see her right now.

"Thank you." Marinette managed to mumble. "That really means a lot."

"You're welcome." XY said. Marinette had a feeling he was smiling though. "I have to go and have my dad listen to the demo. But I'll text you later, okay?"

"Yep," Marinette whispered and gave Tikki a cookie. "Good luck. I know that whatever song you came up with is gonna sound good. No matter what he'll say."

Marinette heard a faint "Thanks" from the phone before the call ended.

Marinette screamed into her pillow and looked up and saw Tikki look at her with amusement. “I think I like him.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"So, what do you think?" XY asked as his father finished listening to his song. "Is it bad? Do you think people will like it?"

Bob Roth grinned at his son. "This is a Masterpiece. Where did you find this?" He gestured to the video of XY singing the song, "Who did you steal this from?"

XY's proud smile immediately turned into a scowl. "What do you mean, who did I steal this from?" He yelled at his dad, his blue eyes glaring at him as he grabbed the demo from the table. "I made it. I came up with it myself." XY felt his eyes tearing up. "Something you would actually know if you thought of me as something more than a money-making machine."

How could he? XY thought as he climbed up the stairs. Is it that hard to believe that I could come up with something good?

XY slammed his door shut. "All I wanted was to prove to him that I wasn't a talentless son." XY put his hands on his face. "I just wanted to make him proud."

XY felt a buzz in his pocket and immediately knew that it was Marinette. After all, she’s the only one that ever texts him.

Marinette: how did it go?

Marinette: did he like it?

XY wiped away the tears that were starting to come out of his eyes. He couldn't help but smile. Marinette certainly had an effect on him.

XY: he called it a masterpiece

Marinette: yes! I knew he would like it.

XY: yeah

XY: but then he asked me who i stole it from

Marinette: THAT JERK

Marinette: WTF

Marinette: THAT's SO MESSED UP

Marinette: HOW COULD HE-

Marinette: DO YOU WANT ME TO BEAT HIM UP FOR YOU????

XY laughed at her text messages. He only started to text her and he already felt better.

XY: no, it's fine

XY: i actually yelled at him

Marinette: ...

Marinette: do you feel better?

XY: actually, yep.

XY: he's a really sucky father

Marinette: for some reason, a lot of the blondes i know have a toxic parent

Marinette: it's kinda sad

XY: maybe it's a paris thing

They texted back and forth, XY laughing at the memes Marinette sent.

XY: You're definitely a daughter of Athena

Marinette: ( ⚆ _ ⚆ )

Marinette: is that a percy jackson reference i see

XY: yep

XY: have u read the books?

Marinette: duh

Marinette: you haven't lived til you've read the books

Marinette: sadly, the movies sucked tho

XY: I KNOW

XY: ANNABETH WASN'T EVEN BLONDE

Marinette: EXACTLY!!

Marinette: SJSJSJSJSJSJ

Marinette: THE MOVIES SCARED ME FOR LIFE

XY: oh yeah

XY: before i forget

XY: what's ur insta?

Marinette: which one

XY scrunched his eyebrows up in confusion.

XY: What do you mean by which one?

Marinette: i have two

Marinette: one as my personal one and the other one for commissions and stuff

XY: ohhh

XY: smart

Marinette: i know ;)

Marinette: my personal one is @Mdupaincheng and the one for my commissions one if @MDCdesigns

XY switched his apps and searched up Marinette's personal instagram. He clicked on the first result that came up.

The profile picture was Marinette in a blue, silky dress that went just above her ankle. There was a slit on her left leg that showed her knee. It was nighttime and Marinette was practically glowing under the city lights. She was staring at something on her right side, with one hand running through her silky black hair which was down for once.

She looked hot.

After XY stopped admiring her profile picture, he finally noticed her follower count.

She had 200,000 followers. 200,000.

It wasn't as high as XY's follower count, that was still quite a lot.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

XY: i didn't know u were insta famous

Marinette: wdym?

Marinette: which acc

XY: ur personal one

XY: u have over 200k followers

Marinette thought that she read his text wrong. There's no way that Marinette had that many followers. 200,000? There was no way.

Marinette: ur lying

XY: I'm not.

XY: check ur acc

It's been a while since Marinette has logged onto her personal account. The hate she got the last time she's been signed in was too much for her and when Alya told her to log out and just focus on her other account, @MDCdesigns, she couldn't bring herself to argue against her.

Marinette hasn't even thought of that account since that day. So when she logged in and saw that XY wasn't lying, she accidentally dropped her phone in shock.

Tikki looked at Marinette with a questioning look.

Marinette ignored her kwami and texted the blue-eyes boy back.

Marinette: HOLY SHIT

Marinette: I HAVE 200k FOLLOWERS

Marinette: HOW TF DID THAT HAPPEN

XY: when was the last time you checked ur acc

Marinette: about 3 months ago

Marinette: the media thought i was adrien's gf and his fangirls came at me

Marinette: i got a ton of hate and a friend of mine told me to log out and just focus on my @MDCdesigns acc

Marinette: so i did

Marinette: i haven't thought abt that acc since then

XY: the fangirls were probably just jealous

XY: it's been months so they probably calmed down

XY: I'm looking through the comments rn and so far the latest hate comment you've got was about 2 weeks ago

XY: you've got a bit of a fanbase yk

Marinette: WHAT DO I DO

Marinette: DO I JUST CONTINUE NOT TO POST OR SHOULD I POST SOMETHING ON MY STORY ABT HOW THANKFUL I AM FOR 200k

Marinette: HOW COME NONE OF MY FRIENDS TOLD ME ABT THIS

XY: don't post anything rn

XY: post a picture of yourself and the caption it something that shows ur thankful for the number of followers u received

XY: OH

XY: a few hours before u post the picture, make sure u post on ur story abt how ur back from ur break on social media

XY: that way ppl will understand why u haven't been active

XY: it'll also have ppl prepared for ur post and they'll be waiting for u to post it

XY: that'll give u more engagement and stuff

Marinette: thank u

Marinette: that was really helpful

Marinette: when should i post something?

Marinette: AND I STILL DONT KNOW WHY MY FRIENDS DIDNT SAY ANYTHING ABT THIS

XY: u told ur friend that u were taking a break from social media right?

Marinette: yes

XY: then they probably weren't expecting u to post anything so they weren't checking ur insta

XY: u should post something on the weekend

XY: that way ppl wouldn't bother u during school this week

XY: if u want i can help u come up with ideas tomorrow?

Marinette: yes, please!

Marinette: do u wanna come over

Marinette: we can plan it in my room so that ppl won't overhear us

XY: guess I'll see u tomorrow then

XY: just text me the time ur available and I'll be there

Marinette: make sure to wear a disguise tho!

Marinette: we got lucky last time and no tabloids caught us

XY: ur right

XY: we must've been really lucky if no one got a pic of us

XY: but okay

XY: I'll wear my best disguise

XY: goodnight, princess

Marinette blinked a few times, making sure she read the text correctly.

Princess.

Marinette: goodnight ♥

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This is the first chapter of the story. Please let me know what you think

1,967 words

Tag list:

@iglowinggemma28 @mica-aa @lady-bee-fechin @maskedpainter @snnoww26 @ravenr22 @spiritofchaoticdreams @ravennm84 @heaven428 @finn-cipher @peterxwade24 @aliceofice22 @queenamongthorns @captainmac6

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just-come-baek · 3 years

Text

Merry Crisis

Pairing: hockeyplayer!jungkook x pickpocket!reader

Themes: smut | fluff | sports!au | christmas!au | yyy... action?

Word count: 12k

Summary: During a casual meeting with friends at a local ice rink, a handsome boy bumps into me. Though it was just a small accident, a series of extraordinary adventures follow, helping me realize I should really change some of my life choices.

A/N if you get uncomfortable during this story, just stop reading. it gets weird later on. Also, sorry for posting it so late, it’s still Christmas somewhere!

4 DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS

“What the hell are we doing here?” Kibum asked for the tenth time as he nearly slipped, even though his hands were glued to the railing. “None of us can skate for fuck’s sake,” he remarked, not being careful enough to watch his tongue, letting children hear his foul language. “We should’ve gone drinking mulled vine instead of this nonsense.”

“Speak for yourself. I am a decent skater,” I argued, though it was maybe my third time on the ice rink. The surface was slippery, yet I was brave enough to try my luck without sticking to the railing at all times.

Whoosh!

Kibum and I turned our heads around to see a few men racing on the rink like lunatics going probably at least two thousand miles per hour. They were skating so fast we barely could get a blurry image of their backs – fucking show-offs.

“Can you believe it? Fucking road hogs wanting to kill us all,” Kibum complained, searching for an exit with his eyes, desperate to get the hell away from the ice rink. “I’ve seen enough TV to know how this ends. Someone is going to leave this paddock with a blade in their neck,” he added, and I cursed in disgust, trying to erase the vivid picture my mind conjured.

“You really can ruin everything, can’t you?”

“Isn’t why you brought me here in the first place?” Kibum challenged, readjusting his woolen scarf around his neck in a fabulous diva manner. “Come on, go get Yeri. I’ll wait on the bench,” he ordered, clumsily escaping that icy trap.

“I think your cousin wouldn’t appreciate me going over there,” I stated, spotting her on the other side of the rink, flirting with a cute guy. “Now, that would be so cruel,” I added, leaning over the railing, staring at Kibum ineptly wobbling to the bench.

“What?” Kibum barked in an over-protecting manner, looking for the unworthy punk wasting Yeri’s time. “Just bring her here, please. I’m gonna treat you to lunch.”

“You should’ve said that earlier. I’m on it,” I said, content with how much I stalled the conversation to get a free meal from Kibum for completing such an easy task.

Having pushed myself off the railing, I made my way towards Yeri. She was basically at the opposite end of the ice rink, so I was forced to skate around lovely-dovey couples in the rhythm of overhyped Christmas songs.

Halfway there, the DJ ordered changing directions, so with a loud groan, I obediently turned around. Unfortunately, one of the speeding men didn’t halt quick enough and smashed right into me, ungracefully knocking me into the ice.

Crash!

It was a painful fall for both of us. If it wasn’t for the beanie with a big fluffy faux ball at the top of it, I’d most likely end up in hospital with a third-degree concussion and possible skull fraction.

Though I was in a mild shock, I could feel a nearing headache and blood dripping down my chin after his forehead collided against my nose. With his knee sharply boring into my thigh, I whined, trying to push him off of me.

At this point, I didn’t care about his injuries. He was the one who bumped into me in the first place; he deserved all the pain he was experiencing. Hopefully, it was similar to mine. According to Newton’s third law of motion, he ought to feel the same amount of pain, and if he sensed it any less, I was about to become livid about the lie I had been told at school.

“Get off of me!” I yelled, once again trying to shove him to the side. Huffing in defeat, I accepted my death by freezing my ass off due to a motionless pile of muscles lying on top of me. “Dude, move,” I tried again, and the man winced, sliding to the side.

“I’m so, so sorry,” he whispered, whimpering in ache. “Are you okay?”

“Been better,” I remarked, trying to sit up. However, as soon as I was in a sitting position, I started to feel dizzy – the surroundings just kept spinning in front of my eyes.

“Oh my God, are you okay?” Two men and Yeri scared in unison as they made their way towards us. “It was quite a fall,” one of them added, making me roll my eyes. His friend literally smashed me off the ice like a bulldozer – I wouldn’t call it a fall.

“She’s bleeding,” Yeri mentioned, looking for a bag of single-use handkerchiefs to give me one to aid my problem.

“How many fingers do you see?” the other man leaned over, showing me his palm, and I swatted his hand away with an angry hiss. “You’ve hit her bad, Jungkook. Good luck apologizing to her,” he commented, making it really difficult for me not to kick him in the shin with the blade.

“Is this a joke to you?” Yeri challenged the man, not particularly enjoying his comment. Attagirl! “You better make yourself useful and carry them off the rink,” she ordered sternly, her voice laced with concern.

“Hold on, beautiful,” the shorter one said before he bent to pick me up and wrap his arms around my shoulders to carefully escort me out of the ice rink. Slowly, we staggered to the benches where the man helped me sit down. “I’m Jimin, and you are?”

“In a tremendous amount of pain,” I replied, massaging my head, trying to ease the throbbing. I was about to get a headache of a century, and they kept asking me these stupid questions.

“I’m fine, Hoseok, put me down,” the man, who had smashed into me, complained as his friends dropped him at the bench beside me. “I’ve been through worse,” he groaned, and I gritted my teeth, trying to stop my instinct to cause another scene.

Thankfully, I’ve got Kibum, who would channel his inner Karen to argue for me.

“You stupid fucks, look what you’ve done!” Kibum yelled, hitting Jungkook in the back of his head, making everyone gasp in shock. “What were you thinking, skating this fast? You’re lucky she didn’t end up with a blade stuck in her throat, or else, I’d have to murder you!”

“Guys, stop shouting,” I whispered, barely withstanding the pain. “Can we please go somewhere quiet?”

On cue, Kibum and Yeri went to get my stuff. At the same time, Jungkook’s friends walked away from us to get their belongings, leaving me alone with the villain himself.

“I’m really sorry,” Jungkook apologized once again, being considerate enough to volume down his words. “Come on. Let me help you,” he stood up, offering his hand to escort me out of the tent. Unwillingly, I grabbed his palm, allowing him to save me from random shouts of joy and repetitive Christmas hits.

Once outside, I felt a little bit better, but it was still far from perfect.

“How are you feeling? Should I take you to a hospital?” Jungkook inquired as he looked into my eyes, trying to detect any lie.

“Nah, I’m good. I think I’ll just walk it off,” I shook my head, trying to stand up to demonstrate my current state. Unfortunately, I was still a little bit shaken after the fall, almost collapsing onto the ground. “On a second thought, I’m gonna sit here for a while,” I added, sheepishly, experiencing an unfamiliar feeling of helplessness.

In silence, Jungkook and I started at each other, unsure what to do or say next. We were just two strangers who participated in an accident. Our friends were nowhere to be found, giving zero fucks about the uncomfortable moment between us.

“Should we exchange numbers?” Jungkook suddenly asked, making me crease my eyebrow in confusion. What did he need my phone number for? “When there’s a car accident, both parties exchange contact info to work out a settlement,” Jungkook explained, and I sighed, trying to digest what he just said. Apparently, he wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. “Please, don’t sue me,” he added with a light-hearted giggle to his tone as he sat down on the bench.

“I didn’t plan on doing that, but since you’ve mentioned it, I’ll think about it,” I teased, reaching into my coat’s pocket to get my phone. “Give me your number, I’ll ring you,” I muttered, carefully typing Jungkook’s digits into my device. After a few seconds, Jungkook’s phone vibrated, flashing my number.

“Under what name did you save me?” Jungkook asked in curiosity, looking over my shoulder, cackling when he read totally suing this guy on the screen. “Well… at least you didn’t save me under do not pick up the phone, so that’s a relief,” he added, laughing at his joke.

Though I was a little bit curious how Jungkook saved my number, ultimately, I decided not to entertain this impulse. After all, the chances of him actually calling me were slim, if not none.

“What’s your name?” Jungkook asked, but before I managed to give him a proper reply, Kibum shouted it loud and clear from afar. “Duly noted,” he added with a tiny grin.

Along with Yeri and Jungkook’s friends, he made his way toward us, having the guys carry all our stuff like indebted servants.

“You’ll never guess,” Kibum stated, plopping on the bench beside me. At this point, I wasn’t in the mood for charades, so I just rolled my eyes, failing to accordingly react to Kibum’s attempted suspense.

Thankfully, Yuri chimed in, revealing the big plan. “We’ve talked to the guys, and they proposed to treat all of us to dinner. The race was their idea, so they figured it’s one way to make it up to you for you know what,” Yuri explained, and I sighed.

Hooray!

That’s exactly what I needed, to spend more time with the asshole that slammed into me with the force of a hundred horses.

Perfectly splendid.

“Sure, that sounds amazing,” I replied through gritted teeth, staring at that cheap bastard Kibum. He owed me dinner, so he used his sly manipulation to guilt-trip these naïve boys into treating all of us for a meal.

“See? I told you guys she doesn’t hold grudges against people who provide her with food,” Kibum answered, not surprising me all that much. I was accustomed to his ways. Jungkook, Hoseok, and Jimin, on the other hand, were about to get exploited to Kibum’s heart’s content.

But hey, free food, there’s no way I’d say no to that.

Fifteen minutes later, we were walking down the alley, looking for a restaurant or a diner that was able to provide a table for six. Unfortunately, luck wasn’t on our side.

It was a long stroll. All establishments were either packed with people, or they simply weren’t capable of catering for such a large group like ours.

We didn’t give up, though. In pairs, we walked further, our stomachs growling louder and louder. Hoseok and Jimin were leading the way, chatting about some hockey game somewhat this week. Right behind, Kibum was giving a lecture on relationships to Yeri, being the highly unnecessary third parent to her. And lastly, there was Jungkook and me, awkwardly trailing behind all of them, talking about nothing in particular, unable to find a ground topic for a proper conversation.

At some point, a man in an expensive black coat bumped into me, smashing his shoulder against mine. It was quite a powerful collision on the sidewalk, resulting in me falling right into Jungkook’s arms.

“Hey, watch where the hell you’re going,” I yelled, massaging my limb to ease the soreness, while the man didn’t seem to pay any attention to my angry shout.

“Hey, you should really apologize,” Jungkook hollered at the man, standing up for me. Unfortunately, the man didn’t reflect his misbehavior even after Jungkook stepped in. He barely turned his head around to check what that was about, dismissing it a few seconds later.

“Let it go; he’s not worth it,” I wrapped my hand around Jungkook’s shoulder, stopping him from confronting the rude asshat. “Karma is gonna get him,” I added with a smirk upon my face as I imagined how much cash he had in his wallet – which, in fact, was at the bottom of my pocket right now.

It ought to teach him a lesson.

“It’s your unlucky day,” Jungkook admitted, feeling sorry for my misfortune.

“Well… it’s not that bad,” I assured Jungkook with a happy beam, realizing my mistake the second the words left my mouth. Fantastic, I was just enthusiastic about the cash I found lying all over the ground. However, now, Jungkook must’ve thought I was into him.

Dear Lord, save me from this misunderstanding.

Before Jungkook managed to question my ambiguous comment, Jimin and Hoseok shouted. Apparently, they found a restaurant with a large enough table to fit us all.

At last!

Once inside, we quickly sat down, ready to skim through the menus. Honestly, we were all hungry way past the I-need-my-food-tasty stage, so we decided to order two giant pizzas and six pints of Christmas Ale beer.

“I think we should play a game before our food arrives,” Jimin proposed as he looked at the people by the table, not appreciating the awkwardness. Within Jimin were two wolves – one was a social butterfly, and the other was a people pleaser. Sitting in an uncomfortable silence irked him immensely. “How about a little integration, anybody?”

“You have to excuse him,” Hoseok interjected, trying to calm the angry crowd of grownups. “Jimin’s going to be a counselor on a hockey camp during the winter break, and sometimes, he forgets he’s not talking with middle-school pupils.”

“You’re never too old for some good old bonding,” Jimin fought his case, really keen on getting to know us better. “Especially over some beer,” he added when the waitress walked up to our table with our beverages.

Though none of us wanted to participate in Jimin’s fun activities, we eventually gave in, realizing his persistence was even more energy-draining than the bonding games themselves.

The rules were simple, you had to name three finds you love and three things you hate. Jimin went first, and it was actually quite funny to see the contrast between him and Kibum, who was the second to speak up.

“I love Mexican food, horror movies, and money,” I confessed when it was my turn, having no regrets. After all, we would never meet again. “I hate banana milk, wireless earphones, and doing laundry,” I added, completing the horrid task, making everyone at the table grow silent. Cocking my brow upward, I asked, “what?”

“Nothing,” Hoseok replied, still trying to comprehend the situation. “It’s just unbelievable.”

With each syllable that rolled off Hoseok’s tongue, I knew less and less. What the hell was going on? Could somebody explain to me what the fuss was all about?

“Basically, Jungkook loves all the things you hate,” Jimin finally explained, making Kibum cackle in entertainment.

“Ooh-la-la, the plot thickens,” Kibum snickered, laughing loudly, kicking his head backward.

“Ignore him. He’s just being a drama queen for no reason,” I interjected, ignoring Kibum’s ridiculous reaction.

“Guys, look, the food is ready,” Yeri said in excitement upon seeing our waitress walking toward us with delicious pizza in her hands. “I am so hungry,” she added, rubbing her hands together, licking her lips with appetite.

Thankfully, the rest of the evening went smoothly. After the beer and the food, the conversation sailed without any disturbance, everybody chiming in once in a while. A friendly atmosphere surrounded us, but we all felt it was the first and final meeting. Our groups had completely different vibes, and though we had somewhat fun, there was no point in forcing this friendship any further.

In an amicable mood, we parted ways.

Having dropped Yeri at her dorm, Kibum and I took an Uber to our shared apartment.

“I am dying,” I complained, stretching my arms as soon as I walked through the threshold of our comfy place. Having hung the coat, I fished out the stolen wallet. “I deserved a long bath,” I added, plopping down onto the couch, looking through the content of my newest possession.

“You really have to stop doing that. You’re gonna get caught one time,” Kibum mentioned as he sat down beside me, tearing the wallet out of my hands, browsing through the loyalty cards, looking for a bargain. “When did you even steal it? I was by your side the whole time,” Kibum wondered as he found a coupon for a free coffee amongst the plastic cards.

“You know what they say,” I started, counting the cash in my hands – almost two hundred bucks, not bad. “The first million is the hardest and is meant to be stolen,” I finished my thought, putting the cash into my purse.

“First of all, nobody has ever said that,” Kibum argued, groaning. It wasn’t the first time we had this conversation; at this point, we had this pep talk rehearsed to perfection. “You’re pushing your luck here. One day you’ll pick the wrong pocket.”

“What do you want me to say? I can’t stop now,” sighing, I replied. Maybe in the future, once I land a stable job with an adequate wage, I’ll quit. In this economy, it may be quite challenging, but that’s the goal. Right now, I was as poor as a church mouse, barely getting by each month on my level of living.

“I’m gonna be so pissed if the police catch you,” Kibum complained, giving up on his daily lecture. Trying to convince me was a vicious circle. Kibum felt as if he was trapped in some lame remake of Groundhog Day, only failing at knocking some common sense into his friend’s stubborn head.

“Take it easy. They won’t,” I mused with a light-hearted smile. “If you’re forgotten, you’re like super old. You’ll get bald if you keep worrying so much.”

“That’s a low blow,” Kibum mentioned, frowning in annoyance. Ever since he reached the dreadful thirty mark, it was his biggest insecurity. “Alright then,” he carried on, ready to attack me with just as strong jab. “What about Jungkook?”

“What about him?”

“You’ve had a moment.”

“What moment?” I inquired, pretending to be way clueless than I really was. “If, by moment, you mean that he basically nailed me into the ice, then yes.”

“You should’ve given him your phone number,” Kibum commented casually, and I turned my head around, avoiding his gaze. “Oh my, you actually gave it, I knew it,” he realized, looking right through me. “Finally, you need some. Later on, maybe he’ll talk you out of your bad habits,” Kibum carried on, blabbering nonsense.

“Don’t you think you’re getting way ahead of yourself?” I questioned, folding my arms over my chest. “I guess Jungkook’s a good guy, but he ain’t gonna call me.”

“You never know,” Kibum reasoned, and I sighed, walking away to the bathroom to run myself a relaxing bath, which was all that I needed.

3 DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS

It was a terrible day.

First of all, I was still a bit sore after the ice rink accident. Then, I tried strolling along the bustling alleys, picking a few pockets. Unfortunately, people didn’t carry that much cash.

Having stolen three wallets, I only collected fifty bucks.

That was pathetic.

Sighing, I decided to call it a day.

Kibum would be so proud of me, I thought as I made my way to a random coffee shop, wanting to accidentally lose one of the wallets. That way, the rightful owner would have a chance of actually finding it if he decided to trace back his steps.

On my walk of shame back home, my phone randomly stopped playing music. Instantly, I furrowed my eyebrows, trying to fish it out of my pocket, knowing there was an incoming call waiting to be answered.

Normally, I’d either ignore it because I knew it was a spam call or just ignore it because I preferred texts to calls. Whoever opted to dial must’ve been devil’s spawn. No doubt.

Totally suing this guy.

Hmm… what does he want? I wondered as my thumb hovered over the answer icon on the screen. I wasn’t serious about suing him; it was just me teasing the poor guy. I didn’t actually mean it, and I thought it was obvious.

Before I managed to make up my mind about picking up the phone, Jungkook must’ve given up and hung up. Unfortunately, right when I was about to put it back in my pocket, I received another incoming call.

Totally suing this guy.

“Hello?” I asked, picking up the phone. Hopefully, he would check up on me and end the conversation. It was weird and uncomfortable, so it better be the last time.

“Hi, it’s Jungkook,” he said, sounding somewhat shy and timid. “From the ice rink, how are you feeling?” Jungkook inquired, and I sighed, getting mentally prepared for my reply.

“I’m better,” I answered shortly, not giving him any details on my condition. It was just a few bruises; I wasn’t dying. “Your knee left a bruise, but in a few days, I’m gonna feel all good,” I added, remembering the large mark on my thigh. It looked like a big ass hickey, but that’s the comment I was about to keep to myself.

“I’m really, really sorry,” he spoke through a tumult on his side of the call. He must’ve been in a crowded place, like a locker room packed with fellow hockey players or something. A second later, I heard a noise of shutting the doors close, assuming Jungkook must’ve left the room, wanting to continue this talk without any further disturbance.

“Don’t worry, I’m fine,” I reassured that he cared so him. It was adorable much about my condition, but it was starting to feel a little bit excessive. A regular amount of repentance would be understandable, but he was quite over the top.

“Actually, it’s not why I’m calling,” Jungkook admitted, taking me aback. Why else would he call then? “It was just an excuse,” he added, and I genuinely started to wonder what was going on inside his head. He didn’t want to ask me out, did he?

Nah, it didn’t make any sense.

Get a grip, woman.

“Oh, why are you calling me then?” I challenged him as I couldn’t wait any longer for the big reveal. “What is so important that couldn’t be a simple text?”

“Well…,” Jungkook started, and I smiled, hearing in his tone that he was beaming. “To be completely honest, I really suck at texting. One time, I texted back my friend after a few months, so yeah, I’d rather call,” he explained, and though that’s not my preferred way of communicating, I found it adorable.

“Nobody’s perfect.”

“So, I was wondering if you’d like to hang out,” Jungkook asked, and I became speechless.

“Really? Why?” I questioned as I couldn’t find any reason why Jungkook would like to meet up with me. Yesterday, I had been grumpy as fuck – it was hard to believe he wanted to see my face ever again.

“What do you mean why?”

“I wasn’t particularly nice to you yesterday,” I admitted, looking down at my feet.

“You were just angry, it happens,” Jungkook claimed, once again surprising me – he wasn’t just good-looking. Besides his gorgeous looks, he, most importantly, was a kind, soft-spoken person with a heart of gold.

“Yeah, but still, I was an asshole.”

“No, it must’ve been that spur-of-the-moment kind of attitude,” Jungkook brushed it off without my thought, and I sighed in relief. Thankfully, he didn’t think I was a complete bitch. “I would be pissed too if someone tackled me down at a public ice rink.”

“Could we please stop talk about it?” I proposed, willing to put it all behind us.

“Sorry,” Jungkook apologized sheepishly, and I giggled, shaking my head, unable to process how adorable he was. “So, back to the topic, I was wondering if you’d like to come to that charity hockey game tomorrow,” he trailed off, a little bit insecure about my answer. “And after that, we could grab some coffee. I mean, if you don’t have any plans, I’d really like to meet up,” Jungkook added, sounding like a ball of a blabbering mess.

“Hmm… tomorrow, I am busy in the morning and early afternoon. What time does the game begin?” I questioned, buying myself more time to think over Jungkook’s proposition. He was a good guy, and I’d love to hang out, but I still had doubts.

“At three o’clock!” Jungkook exclaimed in excitement, probably hoping I was available to attend this charity event. “We’re raising money for a winter camp for kids from St. Paul’s orphanage. That’s the one Jimin’s gonna volunteer at.”

Now, there was no way I could say no.

“I should be free by then,” I answered, hoping I wouldn’t regret my decision later on.

“Fantastic, see you tomorrow,” Jungkook exclaimed happily, and I giggled at his enthusiasm.

“Ayo, Jeon, what are you giggling at?” Someone in the background hollered, teasing Jungkook. Though I thought it was cute and playful, Jungkook must’ve felt so embarrassed that he hung up before I managed to say my farewell.

2 DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS

According to Jungkook’s instructions, the charity game out to start around 3 in the afternoon. A bit too early if you ask me, but who am I to judge the authorities who organized it? Nonetheless, I put on a nice outfit (effortless though chic) and made my way to the university’s stadium, ready to sit through the entirety of the game, already suspecting it wouldn’t appeal to my preferences. It was far too brutal to be enjoyable.

I had no interest in hockey, nor even knew the basics; however, Jungkook wanted me out of all people to support him. Normally, I’d skip, but there was just something about him that made it really difficult to say no to him. There I was – on university grounds during the holiday break, heading to the sports department where I had never stepped my foot willingly.

It was a charity event our university annually hosted. To be completely honest, it was the first time I heard of it. Moreover, there was a high chance I wasn’t the only one. Right in front of the entrance, there was no queue – I was the only one, and it was suspicious as fuck.

Unless I had first-hand info about the beginning of the game, I would just turn around and leave. However, Jungkook had specifically said 3 p.m., so I walked up to the entrance, seeing a man distributing tickets. He must’ve been one of the volunteering students. Admirable.

With a deep sigh, I pushed the doors open and entered the building. “One ticket, please,” I spoke, pulling out my wallet to pay for the entry fee. It was all for charity, so I gladly paid up the round sum. These kids really deserved a treat, and I’d love to contribute.

“You’re the first one to arrive; you must be a hardcore fan of our hockey team,” the friendly man said, and I just giggled at this obvious misconception.

Me? A fan? A hardcore one at that? Wow.

“I wouldn’t say that. I’m here to support a friend,” I answered, denying the accusations with a casual response. “Where should I go?”

“Right this way, the first doors on the left,” the man answered with a happy beam. “Seats are not assigned, so be free to sit anywhere you like,” he added, and I bowed, thanking him for the directions. Though I was near graduation, I had no idea how to move around the building.

Having pushed the heavy doors open, I made my way to the bleachers.

A few players were skating across the ice rink, while the area for spectators was empty. As if that wasn’t awkward enough, all the players looked at me, whistling like a bunch of starved wolves. What the hell was that all about?

Ooh! Ooh!

“Wow, Jungkook, this girl really came,” one of the boys, probably Hoseok, shouted loud enough for me to hear. What? Did Jungkook talk about me with his teammates? What for? Or did they listen to us chat on the phone the other day? Even so, what’s with the reaction?

At first, I wanted to turn around and run away. I didn’t like the way they looked at me. It resembled a combination of concern for their younger teammate and playful support for whatever was about to stem between us. Ridiculous!

Then, I considered sitting in the last row, ignoring their curious glances. I’d probably pull a book out of my bag and devote myself to the plot for the duration of the game.

Unfortunately, none of my ideas seemed to be possible – especially not when one of the players with number 1 written on the sports uniform skated toward the railing. It must’ve been Jungkook. I mean… who else would that be?

Once he took off his helmet, I realized that my suspicion was right. It was indeed Jungkook with his messy, sweaty hair and a goofy smile upon his face. He was waving at me, enticing me closer to the ice rink.

“You really came,” Jungkook whispered when I walked up to him. “I really doubted you did,” he added, and I rolled my eyes at him.

“If I didn’t, you would keep calling me,” I answered playfully, still unable to comprehend how, on earth, he preferred calling to texting. It was ridiculous; he couldn’t be that bad at replying as he had claimed. “And also, why am I here this soon? Where is everybody? Care to explain?” I asked, my tone slightly laced with anger.

“Did I really say 3 o’clock?” Jungkook inquired innocently, staring at the big clock on the scoreboard. “My bad, I fucked it up, sorry,” Jungkook apologized, but I suspected his words weren’t entirely genuine. Apparently, he wanted me to come this soon, and I had to figure out why.

“Also, care to explain why your teammates stare at me like that,” I questioned, cocking my eyebrow, looking past Jungkook’s shoulder. The hockey team really seemed to be invested in what was going on between Jungkook and me, and I didn’t like the way they were gawking at me as if I had two heads growing out on my shoulders.

“Oh, I might’ve got caught talking to you yesterday,” he mentioned as if I didn’t already suspect that. “Apparently, I looked like an embodiment of teenage crush, and they keep teasing me about it. I am sorry if they creep you out,” Jungkook explained, and I beamed, thinking it was actually pretty cute.

“They’re your friends; that’s what friends do.”

“Hey, Jeon, quit flirting and get your ass on the rink. We’ve all gotta warm-up,” the coach hollered, urging Jungkook to return to his teammates. Though it was just an out of the season game, their coach didn’t want to lose anyway.

“Good luck, Jeon,” I whispered, shooing him away from me, really trying to give him a chance for a proper warm-up before the match. “Don’t let anyone tackle you down. It’s not that pleasant,” I added with an encouraging smile.

“I got it,” Jungkook spoke, sending me a cute wink.

Just as I asked him to, Jungkook skated away, only to come back around ten seconds later.

“By the way, you’ve got any plans after the game?” Jungkook asked, waiting for my answer with utter impatience. “I thought maybe we could grab something to eat.”

“Well… that depends,” I replied, and Jungkook cocked up his eyebrow.

“Depends on what?”

“Ask me again after you win the game,” I teased, giving him some extra motivation to try his best on the rink. “Go, they’re waiting.”

And with that, Jungkook finally got his head in the game.

The coach shouts tips and occasionally scolds players that aren’t on their best performance. In the meantime, people fill up the seats on the bleachers, excited to see the match and open their wallets for the laudable cause.

By the time the match finally begins, I am bored out of my mind. I gave hockey a fair shot, but it didn’t raise my interest in the tiniest bit. It just wasn’t my thing.

Thankfully, I had a newly purchased book in my bag to pass the time. It was just a Christmas themed erotica with a half-naked Santa with a six-pack on the cover. It wasn’t anything promising, but the holidays were around the corner, so maybe it’d put me in the right mood.

Though I didn’t have high hopes for the novel, it felt disappointing. The plot was cliché, and the pace was too rushed, but nonetheless, I’d still choose it over a hockey game. Contact sports weren’t really my thing, especially when it was giving me PTSD.

From time to time, my eyes would locate Jungkook on the rink. He was really out there, showing off his talents, making people gawk in admiration. He was one of the best players in his team, scoring goal after goal. Or whatever they score in hockey.

It was an even match, but ultimately, our team won by two points.

“On children’s behalf, I’d like to thank everybody for coming,” a woman in smart clothing spoke through the microphone. It must’ve been the orphanage director showing her gratitude for all the money they had managed through the ticket sale. “My heart really melts when I see how many people decided to help our children, especially in this difficult time of the year,” she recited, putting the microphone away from her mouth before a grateful tear rolled down her cheek. “Thank you so much!”

Shortly after, she handed the microphone to Jungkook’s coach.

“Hi, everybody, I’m coach Min,” he introduced himself, and the spectators clapped their hands in gratitude for leading the team towards victory. “I’d like to thank everybody for donating the money. I hope the kids will enjoy their winter break,” he added, looking at the crowd, proud of so many people gathered to support the cause. “However, if you’d like to contribute, even more, my team will wait outside with boxes. With this extra money, we would like to buy Christmas gifts for these amazing kids. I wish you all – Merry Christmas.”

Another round of applause echoed among the walls before people slowly started to head towards the exit. Taking my time, I followed the crowd, looking for Jungkook. It was difficult; people were feeling generous today.

“Over here,” I heard somebody call my name, so I turned around, recognized Jimin. He was standing a few meters away with a heavy box stuffed with cash. “Would you like to make some children happy?” Jimin asked, placing the box right under my nose, wanting me to contribute some more. “What do you say?”

Although I had already paid the entry fee, I still wanted to give more. All the goodness I had witnessed at the stadium pulled my heartstrings; it was impossible to say no now. Once I started, I just couldn’t stop.

With a genuine smile, I pulled out my wallet. I had plenty of cash in it. Everything I had stolen during this week. It was about four hundred bucks. Without a slimmer of doubt, the team would spend it wisely. Better than I ever could.

“Are you sure? It’s a lot of money,” Jimin asked, wondering if I was in the right state of mind donating so much.

“Yes, I am sure,” I confirmed, giving all of the money away. The feeling was deliberating, and it was really nice. “Oh my God, Jimin! What are you doing?” I asked in panic when Jimin put the box on the ground and picked me up, spinning around.

“Ahem,” someone cleared their throat before continuing, “am I interrupting something?” A familiar voice asked, making Jimin drop me down. Thankfully, I didn’t stumble. Somehow I found my balance before I hit my face against the pavement.

“Oh, Jungkook,” Jimin whispered, smiling awkwardly, almost as if we were caught cheating. “It’s not what it looks like,” he started, and I rolled my eyes. Literally, it was the worst phrasing he could choose, especially given the reputation this line holds. “I was just showing my gratitude after her generous donation.”

“Let’s just go,” I interjected before Jimin managed to embarrass me even more. With a smile upon my face, I grabbed Jungkook’s box and handed it over to Jimin. “Take care of that, okay?” I said, grabbing Jungkook’s hand, pulling him away from the campus ground.

Since it was quite chilly outside, Jungkook and I decided to grab drinks at the campus café. Having taken seats by the window in the back, we looked through menus to choose something delicious for our little informal date.

“Order anything you like; it’s my treat,” Jungkook mentioned before he proceeded to look through the menu. “You were my lucky charm today.”

“Well… of course, it’s your treat. I gave all my money away to charity,” I spoke, looking through the tea section for something I haven’t had before. “I’d like vanilla cinnamon tea,” I read out loud the position off the menu that really caught my attention.

“On it,” he added before he walked up to the counter to order. In a minute, he was back at the table, sitting comfortably at the other side of the table. “So… you and Jimin, huh?”

“Speaking of which, what kind of jealousy scene was that?” I inquired, teasing him for completely misunderstanding this situation.

“Sorry for that,” Jungkook apologized sheepishly, looking away. “It’s just it was so unexpected. I mean… you don’t know Jimin that well, and acting like that was quite strange,” Jungkook explained, and I nodded, trying to understand his reaction.

“Jimin’s cute. Is he single?” I asked, and Jungkook frowned upon my question, visibly upset with my wording. “What I meant is that I have a friend. I have a feeling they would click, you know,” I clarified, giggling when I saw relief wash through Jungkook.

“In that case, he’s very single,” Jungkook gladly answered, smiling brightly like an idiot. “After the last girl he was seeing dumped him a few months ago, he didn’t date. Maybe it’s about time he gets back to it,” he added, and I nodded, scribbling down my friend’s number on a piece of paper, sliding it over to Jungkook, believing he would pass it to Jimin.

“So… what are your plans for Christmas Eve?” I asked when the barista brought our order to the table. Apparently, Jungkook is quite a sweet-tooth. Beside my tea, he ordered a large cup of hot cocoa with roasted marshmallows on top along with four beautifully decorated cupcakes. I got cavities just by looking at it.

“I’m going Christmas shopping,” Jungkook answered, licking off some whipped cream off the pink cupcake. “I gotta buy gifts for the kids,” he added, and I smiled at the boy in front of me. Although I knew him only for two days, he kept surprising me.

In a good way, of course.

“Do you have any idea what I can get them?” Jungkook inquired, stuffing his mouth with the cupcake, enjoying his sweet treat. “There’s like thirty-five of them. I am clueless.”

“I don’t know… board games? Art supplies? Lego blocks? I’m sure you’ll figure this out,” I replied, suspecting I wasn’t much of a help.

“You could always come and join me,” Jungkook proposed, reaching for another cupcake. “I could use some help,” he added, pushing the tray with sugary treats towards me.

“I’d love to, but I will be at work, sorry,” I answered truthfully, now kind of regretting replying to that ad on Craigslist. “I’m babysitting tomorrow. Parents of three go on some business trip, and I have to watch them until their grandparents take over,” I explained, and Jungkook nodded, sipping his hot cocoa.

“Any plans after that?”

“I’ll just come back home and watch some Christmas movies on Netflix. This year, I don’t have time to go to my hometown. I gotta go to work as soon as Christmas is over,” I explained with a deep sigh. Although I wasn’t exceptionally family-oriented, it still felt a little bit odd to spend Christmas alone. “What about you?”

“My parents finally saved up enough money for the second honeymoon they always wanted to go, so there’s no real celebration this year,” Jungkook mentioned, showing real support for his parents. If that’s what they really wanted, he didn’t want to be a burden. “I’m really happy for them. Raising me and my brother wasn’t easy, so that’s the least we can do.”

“That’s really sweet of you,” I commented, wondering about Jungkook, his family, and their customs. “We could hang out tomorrow evening if you want to,” I proposed, and Jungkook beamed in utter joy, almost as if he waited for my offer.

“I thought you’d never ask,” Jungkook admitted, grinning like a child. “Come on, have some cupcake. I bought them for us.”

“I’m fine with my tea,” I replied, raising the cup to my mouth, taking a tiny sip. “I’m full just by looking at you eat,” I added, encouraging Jungkook to devour the rest of the goodies.

As if I didn’t know already, Jungkook proved to me one more time how charming he was. Though we had different opinions on some topics, we also had a lot in common.

This date was really informative. For example, I had no idea that Jungkook only plays in the hockey team for the scholarship. His true passion is photography and directing, and it’s actually his major. Moreover, he shared how much he likes to sings in the shower, for which he often gets teased by fellow teammates.

Maybe our first meeting was a tragedy, but the more time I spent with him, I began to realize that it was actually worth it to take this fall.

CHRISTMAS EVE

“My parents should arrive around seven,” the mother of three boys announced when she finally found a second to talk to me. “Jin is ten, Namjoon is eight, and Taehyung is five,” she added when the boys ran across the corridor, chasing one another.

“They’re adorable,” I commented, though I didn’t really mean it. I had no idea how the kids would behave when their parents would walk out the door.

“My sweet little angels,” she said with a deep sigh, feeling a bit sad that she had to leave her children alone on Christmas day. Unfortunately, whatever they had to tend to at work was way more important than spending holidays with their children. “How much money do I owe you?” She asked, being unaware of the amount her husband put on the advertisement.

“Five hundred,” I answered, and she nodded her head, giving me the correct amount.

Thankfully, the kids weren’t all that troublesome.

After their parents left for the airport, the children were a loud mess playing some console games. As long as they didn’t want me to participate in their fun activities, I didn’t mind the noise. I’d just simply wait for the grandparents to arrive.

Just two more hours; I can handle that.

“Can I have some candy?” Taehyung asked cutely, holding a bag of jelly beans in his hands. Usually, I’d say no. Kids tend to be hyperactive on the sugar rush. I didn’t want to have to deal with it, but then, I was quite impressed that he even bothered to ask for permission.

“Of course, sweetie, it’s Christmas,” I replied, tearing the packaging for him.

After the boys got bored, they wanted to play some board games with me. I wasn’t particularly interested in interacting with them but ultimately decided to join in. It’s been a while since I destroyed someone at Monopoly, so I might as well do it now.

Just one more hour; it’s almost over.

The boys had a particularly short attention span. The average game of Monopoly should take at least two hours – Jin, Namjoon, and Taehyung returned to their previous shenanigans, running around and screaming at one another maybe twenty minutes into the game.

Just when I was about to yell at them to keep quiet, I heard my phone ring. Under these circumstances, it was a blessing. At this point, I’d diligently answer all the questions the spam caller wanted to ask me. I was desperate for some interaction with an adult.

Having locked myself inside the bathroom, I answered the call, enjoying a little bit of peace and quiet. “Hello?” I asked, waiting for Jungkook to brighten my day.

“Hi, there,” he spoke cheerfully, “all gifts are bought and wrapped,” he added, proud of his today’s achievements. “What time do you finish up?”

“In an hour or maybe earlier,” I answered, looking at the wristwatch.

“Do you want me to pick you up? We could take a walk, and then just go with the flow,” Jungkook proposed, and I immediately said yes as I couldn’t wait for him to show up and rescue me from these children.

“I’d actually love that. I’ll text you the address,” I spoke, biting my bottom lip in excitement. One more hour and I’d walk away with five hundred bucks in my wallet.

When the clock struck seven o’clock, the grandparents were nowhere to be seen. They were running late, and I was growing impatient. Jungkook would be here any minute, and I wanted to leave. I tried calling their parents but to no avail. They must’ve already boarded the plane.

This situation was helpless – they were just little boys, I couldn’t leave them alone.

Thirty minutes later, I heard the bell. In a hurry, I opened the doors, wishing to see the grandparents on the other side. Unfortunately, much to my dismay, it was just Jungkook.

“Shall we go now?” Jungkook asked, eyeing me from head to toe, biting his lip. “Wow, you look amazing,” he added, and I stared down at my outfit consisting of a cute tight purple turtleneck, a short black skirt, and a pair of warm tights.

“I can’t go yet. Their grandparents aren’t here, and I don’t have a way of calling them,” I explained, and Jungkook sighed, taking off his shoes, willing to help me babysit.

“What is he doing here,” Jin asked, as he folded his arms around his chest, judging me for inviting someone to their household.

“He’s my friend who was supposed to pick me up after I’m done here, and since your grandparents are getting late, he’s staying, so be nice to him.”

“Whatever,” he grumped before running to the living room, joining his brothers on the couch.

We tried watching a movie. However, once again, the boys couldn't focus enough to last to the end of it. Then, I realized I royally fucked up by giving them sugar earlier. They wanted to play hide and seek, and I agreed with a tired sigh.

Unwillingly, I turned around to face the wall. I closed my eyes and began counting, giving them more than enough time to find the perfect hiding spot.

“Three, two, one,” I hollered, making sure they heard me.

The apartment was suspiciously silent and pretty dark. I could definitely feel that weird vibe often present in horror movies. First of all, I checked all the hiding spots in the living room. Then, when I was about to enter the corridor, I felt a presence behind me. Before I managed to react, a hand snaked around my body, covering my mouth, muffling my unexpected screams.

In a second, the person turned me around. I should’ve figured it out it was Jungkook. With a goofy smile, he mentioned me to remain quiet.

“What are you doing? This is not how you play this game,” I whispered, giving him a lecture, but Jungkook only laughed at my reaction.

“Look, they’re finally quiet. You should take your time finding the kids,” Jungkook suggested, and I hummed in agreement. He was right – I should cherish the silence. He was a genius. “Shh…,” he added, pressing his forefinger against his perfect lips.

Maybe the atmosphere wasn’t perfect, but I just couldn’t help myself. We were standing there in the dark, completely still. I couldn’t fight this temptation.

Acting out of my urge, I took a step forward and gave him a chaste kiss. It was a delicate brush of my lips against his, but it was just perfect. And apparently, I wasn’t the only one who enjoyed this innocent form of affection.

The moment I pulled away, Jungkook grinned, placing his hands on my hips. Staring down at me, he yanked me against his firm body, leaning forward for another kiss. Tenderly, his mouth moved, feeling my lips.

Within seconds, the kiss became even more passionate. Smiling, Jungkook began to nibble on the sensitive skin of my lips, and I hummed in pleasure. With my arms wrapped around his neck, I opened my mouth slightly, allowing him to deepen the kiss.

“Fuck,” Jungkook loudly cursed as he bit my bottom lip, making me shriek in pain. At first, I thought he was just getting turned on, but then I realized what happened. It was Taehyung. He was standing right beside Jungkook, smiling as if he did something inappropriate. “He bit me!” Jungkook exclaimed, massaging his thigh, trying to ease the pain.

“He bit you?” I asked, being confused as ever. “Is that true, Taehyung?” I questioned the boy, but instead of answering me, he ran away to another room, chuckling like a maniac. Now, that was odd. “What is going on?”

The grandparents were supposed to arrive over an hour ago; I was losing my patience here.

“This kid bit me,” Jungkook carried on, unable to comprehend this entire situation. Well… he wasn’t the only one who couldn’t wrap his head around this. What the fuck was wrong with them? “What is this?” Jungkook asked as he felt something on this thigh. “Ew, it’s his tooth!”

That was enough.

It was about time I set up some rules.

“Let’s find them, meet me in the living room in five minutes,” I ordered before we split up to search more ground. The boys were getting out of hand, and they had to be stopped. For the love of God, Taehyung bit Jungkook!

“Have you found them?” Jungkook hollered, and I shook my head.

They vanished.

“I know it’s very irresponsible, but how about ditching this place?” I offered, even though I already knew the answer. They were just kids; we couldn’t just walk out, leaving them alone.

“It’s tempting, but we shouldn’t do that,” Jungkook spoke, regretting making the adult decision. “Isn’t that Namjoon?” He asked, and I turned to look where he was pointing at.

“Wait there, young man!” I yelled, storming out of the room, following Namjoon. The second I turned to the left, Namjoon was nowhere to be seen. It was weird; he must’ve run into one of the rooms. Unfortunately, before I managed to make up my mind, which room I should check first, someone pushed me onto the ground. It made me fall on my knees, painfully bruising them. “What the fuck?” I looked behind my shoulder, seeing Jin bolt off to the living room.

“Are you okay?” Jungkook asked in concern as he approached me, helping me stand up. “What is wrong with them?”

“I have no idea. The boys seemed fine earlier,” I spoke, seeing Taehyung run towards us. In a matter of seconds, he jumped at Jungkook, wrapping his hands around his neck, dangling off his back. “Hold still,” I ordered, but Jungkook was in panic, afraid of earning another wound.

I wanted to peel the kid off Jungkook’s back, but there was something wrong with Taehyung. Though he was a good boy, right now, there was something inhuman about him. He behaved like a wild animal with rabies, and it crept me out as fuck.

Jungkook smashed his back against the wall, hoping Taehyung would loosen the grip around his neck. At this moment, Jungkook felt as if the little boy was strangling him.

Unfortunately, the impact didn’t do much help.

Then I saw it. There must’ve been something really wrong with them. Taehyung’s eyes were all black with a few black veins around them, making him look extra creepy.

“Fuck this shit, let’s go,” I yanked Jungkook’s arm, wanting to get the hell away from this apartment. There was something wrong with them, and it wasn’t a part of my job to find out what. I was about to babysit them until seven o’clock and leave.

It wasn’t a part of the deal.

“We can’t leave,” Jungkook argued, but I didn’t want to listen.

“We’ll call the police,” I spoke, desperately trying to convince Jungkook to escape this trap. “They’ll send someone here to check up on them,” I added, running to the living room to get my bag. “Let’s go before I drag you out of here.” Maybe my words sounded like a threat, but it successfully made Jungkook move.

“It’s locked,” Jungkook said when he tried to pull the doors open. Though I didn’t lock it after Jungkook’s entrance, the doors wouldn’t budge now. “Do you have a key?”

Trapped inside the apartment, we looked at each other. None of us knew what to do next.

Then, the lights went out.

As if we weren’t already crept out.

“What is the plan?” Jungkook inquired, searching for my hand to hold onto something.

“Stay calm,” I answered, not realizing that quoting the office wasn’t the best idea at the moment. “You try everything to open the doors. Kungfu the shit out of them if you have to,” I ordered, and Jungkook hummed in understanding. “I’ll distract the kids.”

It wasn’t the wisest decision to make, but somebody had to do it. I wasn’t exceptionally proud of myself, but what could a bunch of weird kids do to me?

“Be careful,” Jungkook whispered before I turned on the torch on my phone, looking for the kids around the apartment.

They had to be hiding in one of the rooms. Having taken a confident sigh, I pushed one of the doors open, stepping into Namjoon’s bedroom. The space was spotless, and it was hard to believe it was one of the children’s rooms.

“Game over, Namjoon,” I spoke, urging him to show himself. “You won,” I added, as I kneeled on the carpet to check if he was hiding under the bed. He wasn’t there. “It’s not funny,” I exclaimed, marching towards the closet, anxious about opening it.

It had to be done, though.

Abruptly, I opened the closet, hoping I’d be the first to react if it was indeed Namjoon’s hiding spot. Unfortunately, I wasn’t. Before I managed to prepare myself, Namjoon pushed me, making me painfully fall on my back.

“You little fucker,” I yelled, groaning in pain, earning probably another big ass bruise. “You’re gonna regret that,” I added, unable to control my anger any longer. I was getting easy on them, but it was enough. Now, I’d punch them in the face if I had to.

Namjoon was staring down at me with these creepy black eyes of a demon. His eyes studied my movement, almost as if he was a predator, waiting for the best moment to strike its prey. Then he screeched, jumping right at me in an attempt to bite me.

This time around, however, my reflexes were quicker. Before Namjoon landed on top of me, I rolled to the side, kicking him in his stomach, sending him flying across the room. I couldn’t believe I just did that, but when Namjoon stood up as if nothing happened, I understood I had to go all the way if I wanted to make it out alive.

Quickly, I jumped to my feet, determined to Bruce Lee kick the devil’s spawn into another dimension with my close-to-none self-defense skills. Women in stress could pick up cars, and I had to beat up an eight-year-old.

I could handle it.

Easy peasy lemon squeezy.

Bouncing on my legs like on the ready mode in a fighting game, I stared at my opponent. Namjoon was the first to attack, and I just jumped at the side, not wanting to get bitten. Unfortunately, Namjoon still managed to scratch my arm, drawing blood.

“You’re dead,” I threatened when I saw that he tore the sleeve of my favorite turtleneck. With anger in my eyes, I approached him, throwing punches left and right. My fists collided against Namjoon’s jaw, but no matter how much force I used, it didn’t seem to have any impact on him. He didn’t feel any pain, and it pissed me off.

With a hiss, Namjoon jumped at me, wrapping his hands and arms around my torso. His mouth was dangerously close to my throat, so in a state of complete panic, I started to spin around, trying to shake him off of me.

Now, Namjoon’s room was a complete mess – especially when I walked into a mirror, smashing it into a thousand pieces. Namjoon and I were rolling in the broken glass, earning plenty of tiny cuts across our bodies.

“That’s enough,” I warned him as I spat blood on the carpet. “Say hello to Satan for me, will you?” I added before I pushed him out of the window without any regrets. Namjoon kept screaming, but when his tiny body smashed against the pavement, the peculiar screeching finally stopped. “Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker,” I whispered, unable to control myself.

I just killed a kid, and the first thing that came to my mind was quoting Die Hard.

It wasn’t the time for celebration. There were still two children running around the apartment.

Looking around Namjoon’s room, I found a baseball bat. That’ll do, I thought to myself as I stared at my new-found weapon.

“Jungkook!” I shouted.

Once I was in the corridor, I saw the doors. They were open, but Jungkook was out of sight. Did he seriously ditch me here alone? No, it wasn’t possible. Jungkook would never do that.

The boys must’ve done something to him.

One by one, I checked all the rooms, but I found nothing. It almost felt as if I was alone in this creepy apartment.

“Cut the crap, boys,” I hollered, ready to smack anybody in the face with my baseball bat. I was done playing games. I just wanted to go home and wrap myself in blankets in front of a television. “Come out! I don’t have the whole day,” I added, looking around.

I was on high alert. Adrenaline and other hormones were running through my veins, enhancing my senses. Then I heard it – the sound was coming from the staircase. Quickly, I ran out of the apartment, checking the reason behind this commotion.

It was a yellow ball. Somebody must’ve thrown it. Leaning over the railing, I looked up, trying to spot the villain behind this prank. Then I heard giggles. It must’ve been Taehyung.

“Get down here, right now,” I ordered, but the boy didn’t listen. “You’re going to be so dead when I get up there,” I warned, skipping two steps at a time, climbing the stairs.

On the top of the stairs, Taehyung was sitting comfortably, playing with a yo-yo. His face was stretched into a creepy smile, and in all honesty, it gave me chills.

“Get down here,” I repeated myself, but Taehyung didn’t even budge. “Where is Jungkook? What did you do to him?” I asked and received no answer.

Angrily, I walked upstairs, swinging my baseball bat around. Taehyung tried to mess with me with his yo-yo, but I managed to catch the toy and pull it out of his hands.

Like a maniac, I swung the bat, repeatedly hitting Taehyung’s head until it turned into a pulp. Wiping the blood off my face with the back of my hand, I turned around, studying the area. There was one more child out there, and I couldn’t lose my focus just yet.

“Where are you, Jin?” I shouted, waiting for a sign from the boy.

“Here,” Jin whispered, as he emerged from the shadows, pushing me off the stairs.

It was a painful fall, but thankfully, I didn’t break my neck. I felt a pulsating sensation in my left ankle, but besides that, I was fine.

Groaning in pain, I watched Jin slowly descend the stairs. His weird-ass demon eyes were drilling holes in my face, his lips turning into a devilish sneer. Step by step, he made his way downstairs, enjoying the way I tried to crawl away from him. The anticipation was draining me of energy; he was going to murder me, and I could just watch him do it.

“Help!” I shouted though I doubted anyone could hear me. “Somebody call the police!” I carried on but to no avail.

Jin was maybe thirty centimeters away from me, savoring my misery. Slowly, he tilted his head to the side, showing me his teeth, ready to tear me apart.

I had maybe a minute of life left, and I was going to spend it looking into my killer’s eyes.

That was sick.

When Jin was about to jump at me, I heard a noise coming from the apartment.

The scene unfolded in front of my eyes so soon, I couldn’t properly react to it. Right before Jin took a final leap towards me, Jungkook emerged out of the apartment with a fireplace poker, piercing it through Jin’s neck.

Jin’s blood, like a fountain, squirted on me. With my eyes closed, I waited for this moment to end. A few seconds later, I could hear Jin’s dead body collapse to the side.

“Are you okay?” I asked Jungkook, who dropped onto the floor beside me in shock.

“I just killed a kid,” Jungkook whispered, still unable to process what just happened. “When you walked away to look for the kids, I heard a noise in the kitchen. It was Jin, and when I entered, he began throwing shit at me. That motherfucker cut my face,” he added, showing me his fresh wound on his beautiful cheek. “Then, he stabbed my side with the knife and locked me in the closet,” he added, squeezing his side, trying to numb the pain.

“Let’s get the hell away from here,” I spoke, trying to stand up. It was difficult with all my wounds, but I couldn’t stand being inside this building.

CHRISTMAS DAY

We just killed three children.

At first, we had no clue what to do next, but then, I listened to my voice of reason – Jungkook. No matter how bad it looked, we had to go to the police.

Hand in hand, we slowly walked to the nearest police station. People were turning their heads when we were passing by them. I couldn’t blame them. I looked like Carrie with better clothing, while Jungkook seemed to have survived a zombie apocalypse.

When we entered the police station, everybody stared at us. Wobbling, we approached the front desk. “We killed three children,” I admitted, realizing how bad it sounded without the context.

The policeman was shocked. He didn’t witness this kind of thing regularly.

A few minutes later, we were escorted to a questioning room, where we could describe everything in great detail. Unfortunately, they didn’t seem to buy our story, thinking we were trying to pull some kind of a prank.

Taking all precautions, they called in an ambulance. We were seriously injured, and we needed some medical care. Though the doctor did a great job, I’d kill to get some better painkillers.

Once our wounds were dressed, the police locked us in custody. We had to wait until a pair of policemen checked the apartment and secure the evidence.

“Merry Christmas, Jungkook,” I whispered as I looked at my wristwatch, realizing it was already past one o’clock. “I know we had different plans, but out of all people, I am glad I was stuck there with you. You saved my life,” I carried on, looking at Jungkook fondly.

“We killed three children,” he replied, still shaken after what had happened. Perhaps, he didn’t need me now, but I really wanted to hug him and tell him that everything’s gonna be alright. Too bad that we were locked in two different cells.

“In self-defense,” I added since Jungkook often seemed to forget that part.

After ten minutes of painful silence, one of the guards walked up to the custody, unlocking our cells. What else did they want to know? We already said everything we knew.

“You’re free to go,” the guard announced, surprising us immensely. “It was an elaborate prank, but don’t ever do that again, or else, we’re going to seriously put you in jail,” he warned, urging us to leave.

“I don’t understand,” I wondered out loud, unable to process what was going on. “I thought you sent your men to check out the crime scene.”

“We did, and the apartment you wanted us to check out was empty. We talked with the landlord, and he said this flat has been vacant for the last year,” the guard explained, making me and Jungkook gasp in shock.

What the fuck was going on?

In complete silence, with our heads hanging low, we exited the police station.

“What now?”

“Let’s just go home and watch Die Hard,” Jungkook whispered, still trying to wrap his head around what had happened inside the apartment. We almost died in there. However, when the police checked it, it was like we had never been there.

My apartment was closer, so we both headed there. Our moves were robotic, our heads were empty. At this point, we just wanted to sit down and keep our minds busy, so we wouldn’t try to analyze what happened back there.

It wasn’t a figment of our imagination. Our wounds were concrete evidence that we were telling the truth. Unfortunately, the police didn’t want to believe us. However, as the saying goes – no body, no crime.

In light of the law, we were innocent.

As soon as we entered my apartment, we sat down on the floor, resting our back against the sofa. Mindlessly, I grabbed the remote and turned Die Hard on Netflix.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I whispered as I interlaced my fingers with Jungkook’s, resting my head on his shoulder. “Or we can just pretend it never happened. Let’s just say we watched a really weird movie or went to a hardcore escape room,” I added, studying Jungkook’s arm tattoos, getting lost in his skin art.

“I’ve known you a few days,” Jungkook started, staring into my eyes. “But I’ve experienced more stress than in my entire life altogether,” he added with a sigh, placing a delicate peck against my neck.

“Actually, my life is pretty boring,” I admitted, though I knew where Jungkook’s words were coming from. I wouldn’t believe myself, either. “It took a 180 on that ice rink,” I reasoned, trying to find a connection.

“You’re beautiful,” Jungkook confessed genuinely, staring at my face with his big sparkly eyes. He was bullshitting me, but I didn’t have enough energy to argue with him. How could I be beautiful? My hair was all sticky due to all the blood which the doctor hadn’t washed off. My skin was covered with cuts and bruises. Even my clothes were ripped. I was certain Jungkook didn’t mean it, but I wasn’t going to admit that.

“You’re beautiful, too,” I beamed, teasing him. “Even after what we’ve been through today, you’re absolutely breathtaking,” I added, and Jungkook looked away, trying to hide his red cheeks. Carefully, I cupped his face, pressing another delicate kiss against his lips.

Just like feathers, our lips moved against each other. No rush, no hastiness, just pure delight.

Though we were both sore and exhausted, we took our time. Maybe it was past three o’clock now, but we didn’t care. I could stay up all night, kissing him like that.

Slowly, Jungkook’s hands found purchase on my hips, carefully pulling me closer on top of his thighs. Gently, I began rubbing my sex against his muscular legs, trying not to make him hiss. His beautiful thighs had already suffered enough damage when Taehyung had bitten him – I didn’t want to inflict any more pain.

“I wish I could fuck you the way I want to,” Jungkook confessed, taking me aback with his filthy words. He was a good soft boy with a heart of gold; how could he talk dirty to me like that? It was out of his calm and collected character, but I absolutely loved it.

“Don’t worry, I think I’m gonna stick around at least until you’re fully recovered,” I answered with a teasing tone as I reached down to his zipper, freeing his semi-hard cock. “Do you have any plans for New Year’s Eve? Or Valentine’s Day?” I questioned, but Jungkook was too busy to answer right away, ripping my tights apart.

“Actually, I do,” Jungkook mentioned with a lopsided smirk upon his face. “I’m gonna be sitting here between your thighs, buried deep inside your pussy. How do you like that?” He asked mischievously, biting my bottom lip before I managed to reply.

“I hope you’re not all talk,” I answered, staring down at his dick. Carefully, I pulled it out of his pants, giving it a few strokes before I raised my hips, slowly sinking down on his length. “Mmm…” I purred, feeling a pleasant stretch.

“I should’ve prepped you,” Jungkook whispered as he felt my walls slowly adjust to his girth.

“Nah, it’s all fine,” I spoke, getting all comfortable on his dick. “There’s always a next time.”

With a languid, stable pace, I rocked my hips back and forth, riding him. Going this slow allowed me to properly feel every inch of him. It was intimate, and I enjoyed it much more than any mindless pounding, which didn’t always get me off. With Jungkook under me, I was in complete control. He was obedient and responsive to my movements, really making it look easy to push me over the edge.

“I’m coming,” I moaned, feeling the approaching orgasm. Jungkook, instead of messing with my tempo, grabbed my hips, helping me maintain my current pace. “Fuck, Jungkook,” I hissed when he gently pushed his cock deeper inside of me, being seconds away from his own release.

“Come around my cock,” Jungkook ordered, and I obeyed his order, falling into a million pieces on top of him, screaming his name. Thankfully, Jungkook’s hands held me in place. Otherwise, I’d once again collapse onto the floor. “Argh,” Jungkook grunted, shooting his load inside of me. “I want to go again,” he added as soon as he calmed down after the powerful orgasm.

“I think it’ll have to wait,” I answered, though I’d love to go another round. “We can try in the morning. Right now, I need a shower,” I added, and Jungkook nodded his head, resting it between my boobs, too lazy to let me go.

He was still balls deep inside of me, and his cum was slowly oozing out of my pussy, but none of us wanted to move. It felt as pleasant as it was nasty, but we didn’t mind.

“Do you mind if I join you?” Jungkook asked innocently, batting his eyelashes in an attempt to woo me. “That would save lots of water,” he added, and I didn’t want to argue with his reasoning.

“Why the hell not? Let’s go before I change my mind,” I spoke, giving him a hand, helping him stand up. “But,” I added, sternly staring at the boy beside me. “Until we’re fully recovered, it’s just a shower.”

“Sure thing.”

#jungkook smut #jeongguk smut #jeongguk fluff #jungkook fluff #jungkook #jeon jungkook #bts smut #bts fluff #christmas smut #bts christmas #bts #bangtan smut

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ihaveafandom-problem554 · 3 years

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i love your works oh my god, the wait was so worth it. thank you for doing my requests!! they all turn out great :D despite my username, I’m glad I made an account just so that I could request more of your spider bro content.

okay so uh I’m sorry if I’m requesting this a bit early since you only posted your latest spider bro today but after reading it, a sudden wave of problems and curiosity hit me so I thought:

‘yo aren’t the village gonna question why spider bro and rui only come around during sunset to night time sooner or later? are they gonna make up some excuse about them having some condition where if they stay in the sun for just a little bit they get really bad sunburn?? like “yeah so our parents died because they went out in the sun for too long so newbie demon slayers noticed this and thought they were demons in disguise and killed them, haha runs in the family amiright” idk ?? (sorry that’s a weird death) I like to imagine they pretend to be albino so that they can have an excuse in case someone ever asks them or say that they have jobs in the day time to support each other so they just visit around night time.

but honestly, I think the village would be a little sus of them but then they’ll be like “ehh they can’t be demons, they would’ve ate us already! plus they’re just so kind!!” so yeah.. (unless the village doesn’t really know about demons, then you can just ignore this)

okay so imma just start putting my ideas and prompt in here yeahh ..

so what I imagine is that the village knows about demons, but most just chalk it up as some sort of folklore to keep kids from wondering at night by themselves. however some (mostly the elders) claim to actually experience demon attacks so despite practically everyone living these two, they have their eyes on them just a bit..

the elders there would usually gather some kids and tell stories about demons roaming the night hunting for humans, and there would be people who would be as strong or stronger than the demons and slay them by cutting their heads off with a special blade- they say that there’s a whole organization dedicated for these specific people! and that those people who would sometimes come to the village with an odd uniform on are part of them.

one day while spider bro and rui visit the village, ashai drags them to where his grandfather would tell stories about demons and how the grandfather’s father were part of that organization and was called a “hashira” who mastered the sun breathing.

after that ashai would be like “that’s just gramps being all weird again with his whole demon slayer stuff, but it’s pretty interesting! it’s only a folklore though so you have nothing to be scared of. honestly, there’ll be times where I think you’re both demons or something because you guys act like you don’t know how to function as a human being sometimes, haha” and the spider bros would just be like “aha.. yeah..”

some of the elders start noticing that they only came around night, and unfortunately, not everyone is friendly. they kind of start interrogating them to the point where the other villagers would politely step in and tell them that they’re just kids with a condition that runs in their family (and rui becoming fed up then almost slashing them into ribbons). of course, a small portion of them don’t stop and are.. quite positive of it and would be a bit passive aggressive towards the two.

alright so I’ve come up with some ways it could go but I have no idea, you can decide which is better or somehow merge them together or mismatch and combine things,,, :D

1: obviously, the spider siblings can’t survive on human food. they’ll need human blood, the human food is just for when they get bored of eating humans for a bit. but.. how are they gonna get some? they can’t eat the village, and as much as they found the elders annoying they couldn’t since 1, they were pretty much right about them, and 2, if they were to eat the elders/anyone who found them suspicious even more people would start growing sus of them.

maybe.. the demon slayers that came to the village every now and then?

(name) would usually just use his spiders and take at least a cup (or two if rui’s feeling hungry) of their blood and bandage them up to go.

it lasted for a few weeks, so he thought he could control it.

him and rui did their best to try and suppress the urge, they really did.

they vowed themselves to not eat innocent people after meeting the friendly village.

but whenever a demon slayer would come to the village and whenever they took one or two cups of their blood, the more they craved just devouring them right there and then.

it was true that the two had a dislike for demon slayers, but they can’t say that most of them aren’t innocent. (I mean.. they kind of aren’t too)

they can’t do that.

but…

a few more cups won’t hurt, right?

a few days pass, and the butterfly mansion has been getting more and more demon slayers, most of them were from dangerously high blood loss, just enough for them to live and walk.. kind of.

and they all came from near the mountain.

but.. (I’m assuming this is after the fight between tanjiro and rui, but instead rui got away before tomioka could show up) didn’t tomioka, shinobu, and a few other demon slayers slay all of the demons there? unless there are a few hiding.. however they claim to not have entered the mountain, and instead went straight to a nearby village. they also claim to not have remembered anything about getting their blood taken, just waking up on a floor near the village with their arm bandaged up (it always happened at night time, too).

two or more days pass before they send some demon slayers to come investigate.

these demon slayers of course being tanjiro, inosuke, and zenitsu (plus nezuko).

when they arrived, it had been around 5 to 6, just before the spider siblings came to visit.

as they entered, tanjiro could smell a very faint scent of a demon almost everywhere (mainly around the shops and the people)- so faint that he could’ve missed it if he wasn’t searching for demons right now.

but before he could try to track it down, many young children from the village ran up to them and started excitedly asking about their uniform and their swords.

“are you guys demon slayers?”

“are grandpa’s weird demon stories are true?”

“can I touch the sword???”

it was no secret that they stood out from the crowd, and the villagers usually didn’t really question it because each demon slayer looked pretty normal and bland.

tanjiro smiled remembering his younger siblings all getting ready to eat and play during spring time.

zenitsu noticed tanjiro being confused and told them that demon slayers weren’t very well known, but it seems like it’s a folklore from around here.

and inosuke, of course was about taken aback by all of these mini humans running around them and was about to fight them until tanjiro reassured him.

ashai ran towards them thinking that rui and (name) was here a bit earlier than usual but was a bit disappointed when he got closer to clearly see their faces (and a boar head).

I TOLD MYSELF I SHOULD'VE ADDED A SCENE WHERE OLDER SPIDER BROTHER EXPLAINS TO ASHAI THAT HE GETS REALLY BAD SUNBURN BUT MY LAZY ASS SAID NO. ACTUALLY FUCK ME WHY AM I SO LAZY!?

Anyway let's do this..

Ok so the Village are familiar with demons and demon slayers but they take it as a Folklore since the grandparents keep mentioning it to the kids.

And before [Name] brung Rui, Ashai did ask him why he only came when the sunsets. And [Name] told him he was really sensitive to the sunlight, like, to the point it would actually burn him really bad.

And Ashai looked at him saying, "You could've just said you get really bad sunburn.."

And yes, his mom did smack him for saying that.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hi Ashai! You seem happy today."

"[Name]! Rui!" Ashai called out, running towards the two boys. Rui immediately pouted when he noticed the voice calling up to them wasn't one of the kind ladies trying to offer him food. Meanwhile, [Name] smiled at the boy's presence and walked faster towards Ashai.

"Yeah! I want to bring you to my grandfather-”

“Why?- Wait was is that..” Rui interrupted causing Ashai to stop walking and face Rui. “You did not just ask what a grandfather is.”

“I did. Now I want an answer.” Rui demanded his facial expression not changing a bit. Ashai sighed before explaining what a grandfather was, later explaining what a grandmother was, then explaining what a great grandfather and grandmother was.

Before Rui could ask anymore questions about people’s parents, Ashai changed the subject to the reason why he wanted to take them to his grandfather.

‘Demon slayers’ was the first thing that came out of Ashai’s mouth and it made the two spider sibling’s heart drop. Rui’s heart dropped even deeper once he heard the word ‘Hashira’. It was almost impossible to hide the fact that it bothered him greatly.

Ashai turned around to race the two, and met their petrified expressions. Thinking they were terrified about the demon folklore, he immediately stopped talking and cupped [Name]'s face to try and reassure him.

"Oh no don't worry! It's just some dumb folklore, there's nothing to worry about! The demons aren’t real, it’s just some dumb story to keep the little ones from going outside at night. Its just gramps being all weird again with his whole demon slayer stuff, but it’s pretty interesting! Again, it’s only a folklore though so you have nothing to be scared of.” Ashai says letting go of [Name]’s face and opens the door for the two siblings to walk through. “Honestly, there’ll be times where I think you’re both demons or something because you guys act like you don’t know how to function as a human being sometimes, haha” Ashai joked, hoping to lighten the mood a bit

[Name] nervously laughed back while Rui just glared.

As the 3 boys walked inside the minka, [Name] noticed no one else was there except for the old man and Madam Yui. Not only that, but there was some strange aura in the air, as if he wasn’t welcome here. Turning over to Rui, [Name] can see his uneasy expression as well. But before he got the chance to say anything, Yui spoke aloud.

“Oh! sorry boys grandpa needs to rest, I’m sure if you come back later he’ll tell you one of his stories.”

A quiet sigh of relief was emitted from Rui. “Aww, that sucks I really wanted to you guys to here some of his stories.” Ashai pouted slightly.

“Don’t worry, he’ll be awake soon.. Ashai, go over to the bakery and get the box wrapped in blue, its for your grandfather, don’t take to long ok?”

“Ok.. [Name]! Come with me-”

“No, I need him for something, just go over to the bakery real quick, get the box and come back.”

“But-”

“Nothing sweetie.. Hi Rui” Yui smiled, hugging the demon child who had just ran up to her. “How are you baby? Did you eat the food I sent you home with?”

“Go young man.”

Knowing he couldn’t argue any further, Ashai reluctantly went over to the bakery without [Name]. “That boy is obsessed with you, isn’t he?” Madam Yui joked. Unfortunately for [Name], he was too busy staring at the door Ashai just went through to hear what Yui said, causing him to answer a couple seconds late. “H-huh”

“The tempura and Sushi? Yeah we finished it.”

“Oh, you must still be hungry.. [Name] can you close all the blinds and sweep the floor?”

“Of course!”

“Thank you dear, I’ll be in the kitchen with your brother if you need me” Yui said, walking into the kitchen with Rui.

[Name] got straight to work, closing the blinds and sweeping isn’t anything hard...But the strange aura he felt before when he first entered, intensified. It almost felt like the air gotten thicker as well.

As [Name] swept closer to the sleeping grandfather, he noticed something right next to him. Taking a closer look, [Name]'s eyes at the sight of the samurai sword. Why does it look bigger than the usual than the swords I’ve seen.

After staring at the sword for a bit, [Name] finally looked away from the sword to finish sweeping.

“I kill your kind with this exact sword”

...

“Is that what you tell the demons before you kill them?” [Name] questions, trying his best not to show the slightest amount of fear in his voice. “Every. single. one.” [Name] nodded, but refused to face the owner of the voice and the larger than normal sword. “Your kind disgusts me. Killing innocent souls just for your selfish needs.”

“I don’t know what you mean by ‘Your kind’ sir-”

“Demons.” He spat. “I mean Demons.” [Name] only nodded, no words, justs movements. Speaking of movements, the old man began to get up and slowly move closer to [Name]. Shit, what do I do now?

After hearing Ashai say that his grandfather was a Hashira, [Name] knew that his age didn’t affect the way he moved. The retired hashira can block his way to the door in the matter of seconds. He didn’t want to question how fast he was compared to a sun-breathing hashira. So he put the broom down and finally face the old man who was ten feet away from him. “Who many demons did you ki-”

“You may have fooled everyone in this village with your little story. But I’m not naive.” The sun breathing hashira was now walking towards [Name]. [Name] wasted no time walking towards the kitchen, he could probably notify madam Yui..

If it wasn’t for the sun breather grabbing [Name] by the neck. "Like I said before... your kind disgust me. And don't get me started on your excuse of a leader 'Muzan kibutsuji' (I hate his last name. I've spent about five minutes trying to figure out if the first half was 'kitbust' or 'kibust'). You don't happen to have any information on him do you?" With every word, the hashira tighten his grip on [Name]'s neck. Making it harder and harder for [Name] to breathe. "And don't worry about him finding you after you tell me, I'll kill you the second I get the information I need."

"A-and...wh..if...don't..?" [Name] was barely audible and on the verge of blacking out with the insane grip on his neck. He could taste own blood at this point, but he wasn't concerned about the blood trickling out of his mouth, he was more concerned about how no one was here to save him. Madam Yui told Ashai not to take long, and the bakery isn't far away from here. So what the hell?

Without waiting another second, [Name] unleashed a tiny spider to go and kill the hashira. Sure he was Ashai's grandpa but, it was either this old man or him.

"Have nothing to say? Well that's disappointing.." [Name] could feel his eyes threatening to shut as he Choked on his own blood. "P-plea....sto..p" he tried to plead. "If it wasn't for you disgusting demons.. my wife would've still been alive. I swear, I will defeat your leader, and kill every single one of you good for nothing demons-"

"GRANDPA NO HE ISN'T A DEMON! LET HIM GO" Ashai yelled, alerting Madam Yui who came rushing out of the Kitchen, Rui not to far behind. "Put him down Grandpa! He isn't a demon!" Ashai pleaded, gripping onto his grandfather's hamari, tears threathing to spill from his eyes. "PLEASE STOP YOUR HURTING HIM!"

"Oh Ashai, this isn't what you call a friend. This is a human eating demon, that killed your- OW DAMMIT" The hashira yelled in pain, thus letting go of [Name].

Once [Name] hit the floor, he immediately sucked in as much air as he could before choking again.

"[NAME] are you ok?!" Ashai called, rushing over to help [Name]. Rui would've done the same if it wasn't for Yui protectively holding on to him.

"When was the last time you took your medicine? You almost killed him! He's only a child" Yui quickly scolded the elder. " Oh sweetheart.. that kick was so powerful it almost broke my arm. You should-"

"I'm not and won't become a demon slayer. Go back to your room and take your medicine. You almost killed him!"

"He isn't a kid. That thing is a demon.. And so is the smaller one your holding."

"They aren't demons-"

"They how come they only come out when the sun goes down?" To that Madam Yui didn't have an answer. She never really thought about why they did come when the sun isn't out. Thankfully Ashai spoke up just before the elder could prove his point. "Their both sensitive to sun the sunlight. Both their parents died because of that."

Madam Yui held Rui even tighter as she looked back at the elder. "Ashai go take [Name] to Ms. Reiki." She demanded. Without thinking Ashai immediately picked up [Name] and proceeded to carry him to whoever Ms. Reiki was.

"I know you wanna check on [Name], Rui, don't worry we'll go there in a minute." Yui reassures, while cupping Rui's left cheek. "Yui, your not this naive."

"You should be ashamed of yourself, hurting a defenseless child-"

"He isn't a child.. You know that demons basically have a unlimited lifespan? That 'kid' is most likely 40 years old"

"Your just delusional, you haven't taken your medicine all day have you?"

"I do not need that Goddamn Medi...cine.. What the hell are you staring at?!" The elder quickly spat at the small spider boy who stared at the two adults.

"Nothing.. I didn't know older people quarreled.. I thought only children quarreled." Rui said with pure innocence. "I thought when hu- people got older they learned how to settle their arguments maturely, rather than idiotic children that need someone superior than them to settle it for them"

The two adults stared at Rui, both with different intentions of what to do next. "Oh, Rui, It's-"

"Don't explain anything to that thing." The elder spat. Rui watched as the two adults argued with each other. For some strange reason Rui was invested slightly uncomfortable but couldn't help but listen to what they had to say.

Throughout this argument, Rui learned some new words..

...

"I'm so sorry about my Grandfather, [Name], my mom said he's been having some illusions lately.. I didn't expect it to get this worse." Ashai apologized for the 26th time. "Like... I said for 26th...time Ashai, its ok! I'm fine really.."

"I know but he choked you and called you a demon! Why are you so calm about it?! You could've died!"

".....But I didn't..So..Yay?..." [Name] jazzed-hand. Ashai just sighed in response.

"That's odd.." Ms. Reiki said to herself, but the boys were interested anyway. "What's is it Reiki-san?" Ashai asked, his voice full of concern. "You said your grandfather choked him right?..Oh nevermind it's probably nothing.." She dismisses. "How's your throat? Is it feeling sore?"

"Well-"

"Don't speak. Just nod or shake your head." Reiki quickly spoke. [Name] nodded slightly before smiling at Reiki. "Your welcome sweetie.. Oh! Yui, is everything.."

"Everything's ok.." The two boys turned their heads to face Yui, who had just walked in with a sleeping Rui. "[Name] I am terribly sorry for what occurred and your injuries."

"It's-"

"What did I say about speaking?"

Not wanting to know the punishment for disobeying a nurse, [Name] nodded again with a smile, hoping Madam Yui will see that he forgives her. Thankfully she understood and returned a smile. " [Name] you can go, just remember to take it easy on your throat and take the medication I gave you." [Name] obeyed and made note to throw out the medication, since it had no use to him.

Both Reiki and Madam Yui watched the [Name] walk out with his admirer, Ashai.

As they left, the two women looked at each other with worry some expressions. "How did it even happened?" Reiki asked immediately. "I'm not sure.." Yui answered in disappointment. "I was in the kitchen with Rui because he wanted a snack. Then all of a sudden I hear Ashai yelling something about a demon so I ran out to see him choking [Name]"

"Did he take his medicine? Or did he continue to rant about how he doesn't need it?"

"That exactly" Yui sighed. She looked down at the sleeping Rui she had in her hands. The only thing she could think about was how the situation would have happened if she didn't come out sooner.. Rui would've lost the only member of his family.. he would've been traumatized for the rest of his life.. "The nerve of him to call him a demon.." Yui spoke through her teeth in anger.

Taking a second to rid off any dark thoughts she turned back to Reiki. "I'm leaving now. I want the kids to eat something before they leave, have a nice night."

"Same to you as well"

...

"You need to eat a human"

"I'm aware of that.. But who am I going to eat?" [Name] questioned. It has passed a few weeks ever since the two spider siblings ate a human body. Sure, the human's food is tasty and gives them energy for a couple hours, but it doesn't give them the nutrients they need. Day by day they can feel their bodies growing weaker do to the lack of human blood in their system. [Name] could care less about his own health, he was more concerned about Rui and what he was gonna eat. Every couple minutes or so, he could here Rui's stomach growl from hunger.

It pained him to see Rui in this state. Yet he's been in this state for weeks now and [Name] still doesn't know what to do or who to eat.

"We can eat that old sun-breather" Rui suggested. [Name]'s eyes widen in response. "Or" Rui continued, "We can eat everyone else who called us a demon! We'll make them regret-"

"We can't do that.."[Name] sighed. [Name] knows that Rui's way smarter than this, but after weeks of being around humans and not being able to take a even a bite out of them, is bond to do something to the way he thinks.

"They've been accusing us for being demons, if they suddenly go missing, we would have a lot of suspicion towards us."

"If we can't eat any of the old people or anyone else at the village who can we eat?" Rui asked, completely annoyed. "It's already a problem that we can't go out during the day when the sun's out, so how can we- uhh... [Name] what- what are you doing?" Rui questioned as he watched [Name] create a small spider and send it out to go in the opposite direction towards the deeper part of the woods.

"[Name], What are you?- huh?" Rui stopped talking as he sees a demon slayer slowly walk towards him like a mindless zombie.

"You did so well sweetie~" [Name] cooed to his spider, gently petting the spiders head. "uhh.."

"mh? Oh! I heard footsteps coming while you were talking.. I don't think we can devour the body this time though.. they'll probably send in more demon slayers complaining about a demon."

Rui stared at the demon slayer who had no control over their body. It's right there in front of him, he has every right to devour the vulnerable human, but then at the same time he doesn't. Just because people don't know he's a bloodthirsty demon who needs human blood to survive.

"Cut the skin open, you can suck the blood off of that. Take as much as you want but don't take too much so they can't walk, ok?" [Name] said. "Wait what about you? You need to-"

"It's fine, you need it more than me, I'll just fine another-"

"No. Take some as well, we don't know the next time you'll get choked like that.. or be threaten with wisteria.. we might not be able to regenerate as fast as we used too. I won't take a lot.. A cup or two should be enough to last a week or so." Rui demanded. [Name] only nodded in response.

Rui examined the slayer standing in front of him, figuring out where to suck the blood out of. "Cut open wherever chubbiest and take some blood. I'll send out a couple of my spiders to grab some bandages so we can patch them up. Then we'll leave them here and continue with our day." [Name] said, already making bigger than normal sized spiders to send out to the village to steal some bandages.

"How often are we gonna do this?" Rui asked while using his threads make a 'X' formation around the slayers hips. "I guess every couple weeks? or when your feeling hungry..."

It was surprising how well they managed to control themselves for so long. After taking a little more than one cup of blood, they soon decided to reward themselves with another two cups. After being satisfied, they cleaned and bandaged the body. Later leaving it mindless on the ground waiting for sunrise to come and free it from it's curse.

The spider siblings decided to do this every week or two. Find a slayer, drain most of its blood, patch it up, and pretend like nothing happened. It was hard trying not to devour the human, but the managed. Sure they had to hold each other back every now an then but the really are trying..

Meanwhile the butterfly mansion was trying to solve the mystery of the barely walking slayers with bandaged arms, legs, neck, and or stomach with a dangerously high amount of blood loss.

"Shinobu! We got another one!" Aoi called from the door frame leading to the medical room. "And Yes! Its the same bandaging pattern!" Shinobu sighed, yet kept the smile that was always on her face. This is the 5th one this month, the last person was barely alive.. if this keeps going...

"Oh! Another one?" Kanae (Yes she's alive here, I really miss her) said walking into the same room as Shinobu. "Your back so soon?" Shinobu questioned. "Only for a bit... I do have to get going soon. But since it is still day, I thought I would be able to get some more information on why some of our people are coming back with a terrible amount of blood loss. You care to join me?" Kanae offered, signaling Shinobu to follow her. Without a doubt, Shinobu followed her sister to medical room Aoi was in.

...

"Wait, The mountain that's a couple miles from here?" Shinobu asked, interrupting the story the only stable slayer was telling. "Y-Yeah actually.." The slayer answered.

"That's odd.." Kanae remarked, putting her index finger to her on her chin. "Shinobu, didn't you and tomioka slayed all the demons near the mountain?"

"Yes. Indeed we did.. We even raided the shed near the mountain."

"Act-actually.." The slayer spoke up "I never went to the mountain.. I went straight to the village near the woods."

"Why go straight to the village?"

"I was going to ask the people there if they had experince any suspicious activity. But before I got to the village, I felt something bite me. That's when I passed out. I wasn't sure how long I was out for, but when I woke up.. I was all bandaged up."

"Sorry to interrupt" Aoi interrupted "But, did you ever did get the chance to go to the village?"

"uuh no." The slayer concluded.

" Why'd you asked that Aoi?" Kanae asked. "Oh I wanted to know where the bandages came from. Anyway I should get back to work." Aoi claimed as she quickly walked off.

Aww she want to contribute but got nervous.. Kanae smiled to herself before getting up with a small stretch.

"Well!" Kanae clapped. "We'll send a couple demon slayers to investigate the area... Aoi said the patients claimed that it happened at night correct?"

"Uhh Yeah.."

"Then it's settled we'll send slayers right away to the area.. please get as much rest as you can and stay healthy, we will get to work immediately. Thank you!" And with that Kanae signaled her sister to follow her once more before leaving.

"Are you going to ask any of the Hashira to help?" Shinobu asked. "Well no that's not who I had in mind.."

"Then who?"

...

"We could've got here earlier if SOMEONE DIDN'T MAKE US STOP FOR TEMPURA!" Yelled a very pissed Zenitsu. Inosuke paid no attention to Zenitsu and instead enjoyed the last bite of Tempura he had in his mouth underneath his mask.

"Well it's only 5:48 so we have plenty of time to investigate the area" Tanjiro said trying his best to cause not another fight between Zenitsu and Inosuke for the fifth time today.

Zenitsu sighed. "Well? Do you smell anything?"

"Oh um.." Tanjiro took a second to sniff the air.

The village smelled friendly. Happy kids, happy adults, happy pets, demons, baked goods, fresh food, healthy environment..

"Huh?" Tanjiro said quietly to himself. He took another sniff around, taking him about a minute to finally, fully grab the demon scent.

"It's very faint." He unintentionally reported to Zenitsu. "It's on almost everything..and everyone.."

"Wait.. on the people too?! Dose that mean it's hiding as a human!?" Zenitsu began to panic. "It seems like it... how else would the scent get on the people."

"Start tracking it down gompochiro!!" Inosuke demanded.

"Right I should-"

"Is that a real sword?" A little girl asked. "Oh uh- where did you-"

"Are you a demon slayer?"

"Are grandpa's weird stories true?"

"Why do you have a boar hat?"

"Can I touch the sword?"

"Can I wear the boar hat?"

"Is that a bird on your head?"

A whole bunch of little kids ran up to the three strange looking people and asked them all the questions that came to mind. Not giving them the chance to answer.

Tanjiro smiled at all the kids who surrounded them, they reminded him of his siblings when it was time to eat or going out to play.

"Are Grandpa's weird stories true?"

Tanjiro's eyebrows furrowed. "I thought demon slayers weren't that well known.." Tanjiro questioned Zenitsu.

"INOSUKE STOP TRYING TO FIGHT THE KIDS- huh? Oh uhh I guess it's a folklore around here.. maybe to keep the kids from walking out at night or- INOSUKE NO"

"LITTLE ONES FIGHT MEEEEEEEE!!!"

"No! No Inosuke these are kids, you know? The ones we don't fight!" Tanjiro quickly reassured. "Huh? Why not?? Their just like us but smaller! They can fight!!"

"Oh you got to be kidding me-"

"[Name]! I didn't know you were coming this early- oh hi! Sorry.. I thought you were someone else.." Ashai apologized, he thought [Name] and Ashai came earlier due to the ruckus outside in front. Instead he ran up to a couple of strangers in weird clothes and a shirtless boy in a boar hat.

---------------------------------------------------

So why did this take me a month to post? It's not even that long..

I'll edit this in the morning and answer the other asks in the morning as well.

Remember that requests are still open and have a nice night/day/afternoon/universe

#Demon slayer #Rui #kny #rui demon slayer #kny rui #oneshot

29 notes · View notes

vivithefolle · 3 years

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I'm a bit confused. You said in one post that you thoroughly dislike Hermione and that you had no respect for her at all. Yet ... you like Romione? idk, it seems contradictory tbh. I like when Romione shippers acknowledge her flaws and messed up moments but when someone that dislike and even hate her character that much ships Romione and I see them posting about them and calling them "cute" just seems weird

I’ll share with you my whole thought process so you can understand where I’m coming from:

Itty-bitty Vivi who read Harry Potter for the first time (at 13/14, so not so itty-bitty I guess, oops): Woaaah Hermione and Ron yaay!!! They're awesome I love them! They're my OTP always and forever!! Best thing to happen in Harry Potter!! JKR is a genius!

Slightly less itty-bitty Vivi discovering the Harry Potter fandom online (thankfully years after the ship wars, else I probably wouldn't have survived): Why is there so much hate towards Ron? And why are people so opposed to Romione?? It was meant to be since the first book! Or, okay, the second book is when I realized it was gonna happen, but still! Oh well, here is a fic where Hermione berates Ron for everything and he is the only one actually working for their relationship. Cool, more Romione!

Even less itty-bitty Vivi starting her own Tumblr and going around, adding her grain of salt to debates and talking about stuff: Yeah! Ron is great! He's done bad things of course but Hermione has done her fair share of bad things too! Actually, now that I'm rereading the books, I'm reminded of this person I used to call a friend, who was quite smart and cultured but would often be very harsh to me because they claimed it was “for your own good" and “because I'm more mature than you"… I still wanted to be around them, because they were just so smart and passionate, but we often rowed and eventually they really just went too far and tried to make ME out to be the bad guy and most people believed them because they had a reputation as someone cool and logical while I was known for being emotional… wait, what the fuck, that's… that's exactly what happens in the fandom with Ron and Hermione! What the fuck, was I Ron? Admired their intelligence, praised and supported them, fell in love even but was met with scorn and open disdain?!… no, no, come on. Hermione wasn't that bad.

Vivi rereading Half-Blood Prince (and no, this wasn't about the canaries, but about what Hermione was doing after): Oh my god she was that bad.

Vivi as she ponders alternately: Wait, what about JK Rowling? What does she think about all that? What was her intention, what did she want to accomplish with the characters? I know books belong to their readers but if I want as objective an analysis as possible I must try to understand her thought process while she wrote.

Vivi learning about a staple of British literature called “literary alchemy”: The quarreling couple!! Sulfur and Mercury, the Red King and the White Queen, who must marry for the story to end happily!! And their union is represented by… a rose!! Oh my god, that is brilliant, that is so cool! Romione was ALWAYS going to happen, I knew it! Ha!

Vivi discovering the “[Ron] needed to make himself worthy of Hermione” quote: Wha… but… what? Worthy? As if Hermione was some sort of precious trophy or whatever? What the hell? Wait, Ron had to make himself worthy of her but Hermione didn't have to make herself worthy of him? Is it because Ron is the boy or some shit like that??

Vivi going through JK Rowling's interviews and finding sexism and double-standards galore: Yep, it's because he's the boy. And that bit about Hermione being based off herself when she was younger… ouch. And to top it off the scriptwriter pretty much worshipped Hermione…

Vivi rereading the books again: Is it just me, or does Ron hardly ever get any praise or acknowledgement from the adult characters? Meanwhile Harry and Hermione get stuff like “as good as Charlie Weasley" or “brightest witch of her age"! And, damn, I used to side with Hermione because I love cats, but she was completely awful in POA! She apologized but then the plot made her out to be right even then?? And I always thought her Yule Ball entrance was kinda over-the-top, but damn if that's not compensating for something! Also what the hell, I get that Harry is suffering and all but will someone PLEASE pay attention to the fact that Ron is being bullied BY A FOURTH OF THE STUDENT BODY AND NOBODY SEEMS EVEN REMOTELY CONCERNED????? Also what the hell is wrong with the sixth book, I never liked it much but it's like it's trying to make every character look bad, wtf?? And, and, holy shit I never noticed but Ron was asking legit questions during the Horcrux Hunt debate but Harry kept deflecting or mocking him but it's still Ron who had to apologize in the end??? And I've read a whole post about how Hermione punching Ron is the appropriate reaction for a very small child and not a supposedly “mature" character, and that Harry had to SHIELD RON FROM HER, oh my god?? It's… oh my god, what the fuck is wrong with JK Rowling?

Vivi, in denial: Well, Harry Potter is decidedly not a romance. It's about love, but romantic love is quite far down the priority list when it comes to it. JKR has herself confessed that she wasn't too good at writing romance, and I don't blame her because writing romance is hard. But I did enjoy Romione! When I was little I saw it coming from a mile away, granted I was already savvy in literature but that must have been because she was doing something right! And then the sixth book happened… the sixth book which… which was released after the Harry Potter movies were being filmed, wasn't it?

Vivi looking up the timelines: Oh my god. Oh my god it's even worse, the movies were being discussed before Goblet of Fire came out. Come to think of it, I always found that the Trio felt… different, after Prisoner of Azkaban. Harry and Ron especially felt like they had gotten dumber? And Hermione was suddenly explaining everything when exposition used to be split between her and Ron…

Vivi, in mourning: So that's what happened. Ron ended up being shortchanged to make Hermione look better, because Rowling was fonder of Hermione than she was of Ron, and the scriptwriter too come to think of it. Curse you, Steve Kloves!!!

Vivi, who is nothing if not what Pokémon fans call a nostalgiafag: But… but… yeah, it sucks that Ron was shortchanged, and actually yeah it's a freaking travesty and I WILL freaking spread the world about this, mark my words, but, but I still… I can't help it, when Hermione “looked up at Ron and her frostiness seemed to melt" I melt too. When Ron compliments Hermione or tries to take care of her as much as he can I… it still does something to me, I still find myself rooting for them even if I know there's the awful sixth book and the stupid post-Locket beatdown. Their kiss, for God's sake, I've just realized that Ron may have swept Hermione off her feet physically, but it's Hermione who jumped him, you could say Hermione metaphorically swept Ron off his feet!! God damn it, that's good, that's so good!

Vivi, at war with herself: No, I can't let myself be blinded by nostalgia!! The facts are that Hermione shows borderline abusive - even actually abusive - behaviour, this can't be denied! I don't want to root for an abusive relationship! I don't want to root for a relationship that relies on my favourite character being dumbed down to work!!!

Vivi, about to uncover the secrets of the universe: … wait a second. I don't have to.

Vivi, having an epiphany: Reading Solstice Muse's Romione fanfics gives me such happiness because she just gets the characters! She doesn't portray Hermione as perfect and never fucking up, and she always treats what happens to Ron with respect… Well, especially since she can't play them off as a joke since she often makes Ron the POV character. But, yeah! I can still like Romione… if it's well-written. Which, well, isn't the case in the original books… at least, isn't the case anymore after Rowling's bias got the best of her. Even though they do have their great moments.

Vivi, finding purpose in her life: I am going to spread awareness. I am going to tell the world. Fuck, just rereading the books, I've noticed how blatant the favouritism is and how unbalanced it can be. No wonder the fandom seems to collectively scoff at Ron - the books themselves do whenever it's convenient for them! The fandom plays favourites, because the author herself played favourites, and the worst part is that she didn't even realize it! Imagine you spend your life getting into traumatic situations out of love for your friends who always receive compassion and validation for their feelings about said traumas, but YOUR trauma is hardly touched upon and in the rare case it is, it's only to be mocked or used against you… Fuck! You're a piece of work, JKR! And the fandom just swallows it whole like a bunch of lobotomized snakes! Screw it! Screw it, I'm going to say it like it is, and I'm going to say it LOUDLY! People are going to hear about what Ron goes through and we'll see if Harry and Hermione look like the only ones worthy of therapy then!!

Present day Vivi, as she scrolls through the (heavily filtered) Romione tag on AO3: Ugh, another Drarry… and another… and another… oh, a Hinny-centric fic for a change, cool but I'm looking for more Romione than that, sorry. Gah, why is it that Romione appears as a secondary ship everywhere but they can't get their own stories? I've just seen a Snupin come up for God's sake! Oh, finally, a full Romione!! *clicks* … … … awww that was so sweet. Kudos! Okay back to the search… oh, another one!! *clicks* … … … it's Ron-bashing. It's Ron-bashing and it's not tagged Ron-bashing and that's why it showed up in my search AND I'M GOING TO FREAKING RIOT-

#vivi answers #ask #romione #ron weasley #hermione granger #ron weasley defense squad #ron weasley defence squad #ron x hermione #harry potter series #anti jk rowling

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lilydalexf · 3 years

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Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Rae

Rae has 16 stories at Gossamer. If you like MSR, you should go check them out, including (but not limited to) the fun-titled, banter-filled The Cat, an Espresso and a Bag of Sunflower Seeds. Big thanks to Rae for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

It surprises me that anyone reads my fanfic at all, let alone they are reading it 20 years after I wrote it!

But in the same vein, I am still actively reading xfiles fanfic and I tend to read the older fics, or new fics by authors I recognize or remember from back in the day. I cannot explain this lack of rationale. 🤷

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

I had a great experience with the X-Files fandom! I made some fantastic friends - many even attended my wedding! I didn't really get involved in the dramas that went on. I was aware of it, but really, I just wanted to discuss my show with people that loved it like I did and read the fic, so I ignored all the other static.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

Mainly message boards. AOL chat rooms, Yahoo groups, etc. We would all sign on after the episode aired and chat about it. Deconstruct it. And then we started traveling to meet each other and the real fun began!

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

It was definitely a growing experience. It forced me to step outside my comfort zone a little bit. Traveling to NYC, LA and Chicago to meet people just to fangirl with. Meeting Gillian and getting a picture with her - it was wild.

Different shared experiences that "real life" family and friends just didn't understand. It was fun and exciting.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

So I came to the show late in the game. I was sick, lying in bed channel surfing and caught the last 5 minutes of Fight the Future and immediately wanted to know why this woman was sitting in the snow holding onto this man. I spent the summer recording episodes on FX during the week and watching them all weekend and was somehow able to pretty much catch up on the first 6 seasons in time for the 7th season premiere.

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

In my quest to know all the things that summer before the 7th season, I discovered AOL chat rooms that led me to different discussions on the show in general and at one point, a link was posted to whatever fanfic was hot that minute and I was instantly hooked.

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

I often feel like a wallflower at a party. I'm on the fringe, looking in to see what's going on. I don't bother anyone and most people don't even know I'm there. Every now and then I'll send feedback on a story, or I might even participate in a random discussion, but I feel it's a little more difficult these days without the chatrooms and discussion boards. Following people on tumblr or twitter and trying to engage in those platforms is more awkward since it feels so much more personal. It's like I'm intruding on someone's personal space. Or having to scroll through non-fandom stuff to find the fic. The message boards were a more even playing field I guess? It's hard to explain.

When I'm hardcore searching for something...anything to read, I'll refer to "The Classics" list. There are still many on there I haven't read.

I miss ephemeral.

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

No. No other characters have ever interested me beyond the story we're given within the confines of the show/movie/book like Mulder and Scully did. My friends would dive into Harry Potter or Marvel or (fill in the blank with anything) and I would try to get excited, but there's nothing.

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

Well, Scully because she's so bad-ass. She's always so certain of her convictions. We don't see her second-guess herself often.

Anne of Green Gables because against all odds, she still sees the beauty in everything.

Jo in Little Women because she is just so tenacious. She knows what she wants.

Hermione in Harry Potter. She knows the most important thing she'll do is help Harry and there is value in that, so she gives it all she's got.

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

I do. A couple of years after the original run was over, I lost a dear friend (met because of XF) and then later I had my first baby and life just got busy in a very different way so I fell out of the fandom and just dropped all of it.

And then there was the revival. I waited until all episodes aired and then binge-watched them. And I did the same with season 11, but waited about 6 mos after it aired to watch it, rewatching the whole series from the beginning, first.

But now I turn it on a few times a week while I'm folding laundry or making dinner or some other chore. It's nice to have it on in the background because I don't have to pay close attention because I know what's going to happen. I've actually watched the whole series a few times this way.

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I still read XF fic. It's still my favorite thing to read. I am always looking for the next great fic to lose myself in. Back in the day, I would read any pairing, any genre...I was game for anything, as long as it was XF fic. I'm a little more choosy, now, but only because my free-time is more limited. I only want to read MSR and I'm not at all interested in revival fics.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

I am partial to the novel-length AU and canon-divergent stories. I love everything by Prufrock's Love and Bonetree. I have read Paracelsus, A Moment in the Sun and the Goshen/Secret World series countless times. Journal 1999 and Journal 2000 by MD1016, The Mastodon Diaries by akaJake, Blinded by White Light by Dashak, Deliverance From Evil by Char Chaffin and Tess.

I could go on all day.

My absolute favorite story is Arizona Highways by Fialka.

I am partial to Scully angst. And the Emily storyline just kills me, so when authors take those elements and write a kick-ass story, I am there for it.

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

How awful is it that I had to look up my fics to answer this question? I don't know that I have a favorite. That's like asking a mother which child she favors. Maybe One of the Damned.

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

I won't say never, but I don't think so. I've tried to start one or two with some ideas I've had, but I haven't gotten far with them.

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

No. I don't even have time to read as often as I would like to.

Where do you get ideas for stories?

Usually what if scenarios - I try to work out different ways the story could go in my head. I would usually have the guts of the story written in my head before I typed the first word.

What's the story behind your pen name?

There was already a well-known Rachel posting fic when I got started, so I just decided to go with a nickname - Rae.

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

My husband is crazy supportive and tries to convince me to write again All. The. Time. I never hid my XF obsession from anyone, but I don't think I told many people about my writing.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

I am on tumblr and twitter, but like I said above, I don't really post. All of my stories are at Gossamer.

(Posted by Lilydale on February 9, 2021)

#new post #old school x #xfiles fanfic #xf fanfic #xf fanfic author interviews #rae

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sea-side-scribbles · 3 years

Text

Fanfiction: Sympathy For A Downer

link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22737214/chapters/83268982

Chapter 78 (FINAL)

In this comfortable position, Nick soon fell asleep. But he woke up early, a sign that he was still uneasy. By no means he wanted to oversleep the moment Arthur awoke. Quietly, he got up and went into the bathroom since he needed to knock himself into shape. A short shower later he already felt much better. He combed his stubborn hair as good as he could and submitted himself to a shave, sparing the moustache. It was still sparse, but he hoped it would have the desired effect. Together with Davey's fancy rags he felt more like Nick Lightbearer again.

Then he hurried into the kitchen to prepare breakfast. It wouldn't turn out sumptuous due to their shortage in supplies, but Nick did his best to make it delicious. Eyeing the table, he noticed that something was missing. Something that would make this special. When his searching gaze wandered to the window, he recalled that the front gardens were full of pretty flowers that no one paid attention to, so he went outside and took his pick. He decorated the table with a bright red bouquet and then viewed his own work with delight.

Shortly after, he heard Arthur call for him from upstairs: “Nick! Are you there? Nick?” He sounded upset. Nick liked it. Placing himself at the foot of the stairs, he purred his answer: “I'm right here, darling!” Arthur sighed in relief. At the same time, he felt stupid. Of course Nick wouldn't leave him like that. “Oh...good...”, he stuttered. “I won't be long...” “I'm waiting”, Nick purred back and strutted into the kitchen, cooler than he actually was. He had to calm himself down. When Arthur finally came down the stairs, he stunned Nick with his new outfit by Davey. It really suited him well. “Holy catfish! You look ravishing!” Nick kissed Arthur's hand. “You too...”, Arthur stammered. Nick smiled and skimmed along his upper lip. “You like it?” Arthur instinctively palpated the same spot. “Yes...” His voice was merely a sigh. He lifted up Nick's chin to kiss him. “Is it safe to assume that you're glad to see me?”, Nick asked with a voice as soft as silk. “Yes...”, was everything Arthur could produce.

Nick led him into the kitchen, where he gazed at the well-laid table. “Just sit down, my King. I serve you.” Arthur sat down wordlessly. “I like the flowers...”, he brought out later. “Thanks. I thought it's sad to keep them outside where we can't see them.” He put a mug in front of Arthur. “There you go, my darling.” “Nick, that's...” Nick looked at him, then at the table. “Anything missing?” Arthur almost laughed. “No...” He quickly stood up to lock Nick in his arms. “I really thought you...” He began to sob. “You won't get rid of me that easily, my King”, Nick said softly. “I don't want to get rid of you!”, Arthur sobbed. “I just want to protect you!” “I know. I feel the same”, Nick answered. “But how am I supposed to protect you if I'm not by your side? If you leave me here, you'll break my heart, you hear me? Don't do that!” Arthur pressed his eyes shut, fighting the tears. “I don't know what it is about me...why I'm running away from everyone...” “You lost your old life, too and you're still suffering. I understand. But let me comfort you. I think I made a good impact on you since we met.” “My sunshine...” Arthur smiled faintly.

They passed the time comforting each other. Soon, the town woke up and people became busy again. Also Arthur felt the need to do something. He was visibly fidgety. “Do you want to go back to your documents?”, Nick asked eyeing him. “I don't know...what would you do?” “Come along?” “This is gonna be too boring for you.” “Arthur!” “But it's true!” Nick pondered over it. “The boys said they want to see you.” “Me?” Arthur was surprised. “Yeah...If you like...They like you more than you think. It'll be fun.” “Not if we tell them our plan,” Arthur blurted out. “They need to know. Come on, seeing us like this, they can't help but have an understanding.” Arthur finally complied.

They met a few Wellies on the way, making it look almost like the town was intact again. “Is it still polite to say 'lovely day for it?', Nick asked one of them. “Could be worse”, the other man muttered. “That's true. Keep it bowling.” “You too.” “You know, I still have the feeling that we Wellies stick together”, Nick then said to Arthur. “You look like two Make Believes”, another man approached them. “What if I told you I'm Nick Lightbearer himself?”, Nick joked. “Gosh, Nick Lightbearer!”, the Wellie blurted out. “I wonder where he ended up.” “He's probably about to solve some problems...”, Nick assumed. “Yeah, probably. Good luck, you two.” Arthur was surprised how well he got along with people who would've slaughtered him a few days ago.

When they arrived in the backyard, Nick knocked at the worn out door, eyed by a curious Arthur. Brad opened it. “Ah, Nick, back in good shape, I see.” He slapped Nick's arm. “And Arthur...you look groovy, man.” “Thanks...I have the best supplier here...” He nodded into Nick's direction, who grinned. Brad let them inside. “Come in, get comfortable. The others will be back soon.” “What are they up to?”, Nick asked. “They went back to Maidenholm to fetch some of our stuff. Everything we can't get from the shop you looted.” “Hey, I only borrowed one guitar!” “Sure. You should put him on a leash, Arthur. It would save you a lot of trouble.” “I might think about it”, Arthur joked. “I'd have it's advantages”, Nick agreed. “Having to go wherever you go.” They laughed, but only Arthur and Nick understood the hint. “I suppose you're thirsty?”, Brad asked. “If you can spare something. I know we're low on supplies”, Nick said. “Alright, I'll go check. Make yourself at home.” They sat down on the couch. Nick didn't hesitate to place himself close to Arthur. “Relax. Now everyone is a Downer, just like you”, he whispered to his tense lover. Arthur gave him a helpless smile.

Then they heard the back door open again. “He'll be all eyes if he sees what we brought along”, they heard Matt say. “Bradley-boy! Look what we got!”, Chris shouted playfully. Passing by the living room he found their guests. “Oh, hello.” “Made a hit?”, Nick asked. “Yeah, just look at all that! It was still there.” Chris unloaded his guitars and equipment. Matt joined him. Nick got up to have a closer look. “How's the state of the place?”, he asked quietly. “Sad”, Chris said in all honesty. “But intact.” He took a deep breath, eyeing his loot, or rather looking at what he saw in his mind. “In fact, we could...” He paused. “But it wouldn't be the same again, right?” “No...” Chris hung his head. Arthur got up too and positioned himself next to Nick. “Oh, Arthur!” Matt noticed him. “If we knew, we would've brought you a typewriter.” “It's fine”. Arthur had to grin at that. “I have one at home.” They shook hands. “Have you seen our drummer by any chance?”, Chris asked. “He went to fetch us a drink”, Nick explained. “You left him alone in the kitchen? Oh dear...” Chris went for him.

“There's still a lot of your stuff left”, Matt said to Nick with an apologizing look. “It's okay. I need to see this place myself anyway.” “By the way...You won't believe who we met there.” “Fans?” “No...Our dear friend Hunt.” “What?”, Nick blurted out. “Hunt? Did you tell him the latest news? “He knows, but he has a hard time letting go of his old post. He was happy to hear you're alive.” “Didn't you offer him to come with you?” “We did, but he said the Parade District isn't safe for Bobbies. He's kinda right...His body height and all...they'd recognise him immediately. Poor bugger.” “But...We can't...I can't leave him there. Arthur, would you go to my old home with me and help me with this?” He looked at his lover with puppy eyes. “If he agrees...” Arthur shrugged. “Thank you. For a Bobby he's a good sort.”

Soon, Brad and Chris came back with the liquids and some snacks. When they were comfortable again and the drinks were served, Chris said: “Well, let's begin with the brutally honest conversation, shall we? Seems to be the new trend.” “I can't believe it's finally over”, Arthur admitted. He felt like a remnant of the old days. Him. As a Downer. “Have you really been a Downer?”, Matt asked as if he could read his mind. Arthur was taken aback by the question at first, eyeing the band as if they'd jump at him. He figured that Nick must've told them. “It's weird to talk about it...just like that...It's weird I don't have to hide...” “How did you hold on?” “I had no choice”, Arthur said with a shrug. “I couldn't just walk out of Wellington Wells, with all the detectors and alarm systems. I had to sneak around, come up with ideas...Coming back here was hard enough, because they dumped me in the Garden District.” “What's so dangerous about the Garden?”, Brad asked. From what he heard in Uncle Jack's shows it was a rather idyllic place where they grew fruits and vegetables and had everything they needed. “Well...there you have the plaque, toxic fog, Ploughboys that love to smash a Downer's head, the other people who are also not very fond of you if you show up in a proper suit, soldiers with bayonets who take you for a Gerry and of course the spankers.” “And the food? Are there any farms there?” “None at all...the people live of what they get to steal from the guards.” “Shit...”

“Wow, you're definitely tougher than you look!”, Chris said. “No offence.” “None taken. I had a lot of luck.” “Aw come on, Arthur, what about the arena-fight you won?”, Nick replied. “Er, that...” Arthur blushed a little. “That was your amazing fighting skills! You should've seen him taking on that white Bobby!” “I had your help there!” Arthur reminded him. “It was still awesome!” “Sounds like you should write a story about yourself.” Brad was impressed. “Perhaps” Arthur grinned meekly. “But I wasn't the only one having problems. The people in the Garden District...those that made it until now...they have a story to tell. “Do they know?” Nick asked. “Did anybody tell them?” “We haven't heard of it”. Matt replied. “I don't think the General cares much for them”, Arthur said dryly. “Or he's still full of Joy.”, Matt added. “No. He doesn't take Joy. Our dear General is above that.” The others were stunned. “No Joy?” Brad asked. “Just like that?” “He's not the only one. Doctor Verloc doesn't take it either.” “Right, he didn't look like he'd take his own drugs. He was much too moody for that.”, Nick approved. Brad leaned back. “That's a bit thick.” “And we played along”, Chris said bitterly.

“But if they knew better than us, why did they let everyone starve?” Matt was upset. “Why did they let us die out?” “I don't know”, Arthur answered. “Perhaps Victoria Byng knows or she'll find out. She's on our side.” “I hope so”, Chris sighed. “Or else we're fucked.” “They can't make us take Joy again”, Brad said sternly. “I rather die in another fight than becoming their slave again!” “Perhaps more Wellies think like that...” Arthur dreamed out loud. “Oh, Arthur, we must look like absolute morons to you! We played along all this time!” Matt eyed the floor. “I wasn't any smarter, believe me. It was pure coincidence that I went off Joy and it could've happened to any of you.” Arthur actually wasn't reproachful for a reason he didn't really understand. “I'm not better than you.” “Well...I guess we can only wait now...”, Brad sighed. “Let's hope it won't backfire”, Chris said. “I don't want a new Committee that kills everyone who dares to smile.” “Don't you have a vivid fantasy!”, Nick blurted out. “Remember me to never let you tell me a bedtime story.” “I'll kill everyone who tries to suppress me.” Brad scowled. “If they dare...” “They can't do that again. They went too far.” Matt was determined now. “They can't prevent us from finding a way out, sooner or later”, Nick pointed out. “Many people are digging in the tunnel or looking for another way...and those who stay won't submit.” “In any case, not us!”, Chris decided. “No way!” Nick agreed. “I won't start now”, Arthur added. “I'm done with it, too”, Matt said. “I want to see them try”, Brad repeated. “We should drink to that!”, Nick cheered. They did with pleasure.

“Now let's dream a bit...”, Chris said some time later. “What if the tunnel opened one day? Where would you go?” Arthur's face fell. “I'll go to Germany...” “Arthur!” Chris shook his head as if he was talking to a stubborn child. “You have to go to France! Paris! The city of love!” “Or how about the Maldives? Reputedly, people went there on holiday but most likely nobody of us had ever been there,” Matt proposed. “But islands again?” “Pretty islands.” “They remind me too much of this town. I want to go to a place I can easily leave when I have enough.” “So, the moon falls flat”, Brad deadpanned. Chris laughed. “That's not an option.” “How do you know?”, Matt asked. “Perhaps it's already settled and we're the last ones to notice!” Nick gave Arthur a pitiful look while the others were dreaming out loud.

“I have to find my brother...”, the former reporter said quietly. The others fell quiet. “Your brother is in Germany?” Chris had a suspicion. “He was in the train...There's at least ten places where he could have spent his childhood...I need to find him, even if it takes my whole life...” “So, your adventure continues?” Brad asked. “It's not over yet...”, Arthur muttered. “But this time he has me”, Nick announced, putting his arm around his lover and squeezing him. The room was silent for another second. “Well...that's odd...I almost got used to you again”, Chris said to Nick. “How do you plan to get there?”, Brad asked. Arthur and Nick looked at each other. “We don't have a plan yet”, Nick admitted. “We'll figure that out while finding a way off this island”, Arthur added. “Maybe we'll meet there some day...Germans might like music, too”. Nick smiled. “Sure. We become a marching band and learn yodelling...We'll be the greatest stars in Germany,” Chris joked. They laughed.

“Jokes aside, it's not too far away. We'll be close”, Brad stated. “You can visit us any time”, Nick said. “With pleasure, as soon as you moved into your estate on Lake Constance...”, Chris answered. “Not any sooner, eh? Spoilt snobs! I'm glad I don't have to put up with you anymore.” Nick crossed his arms. “Have fun with him, Arthur.” Once again, they laughed over the finality of their decision. Arthur had counted on them to try to change their mind, at least winning Nick over. Instead they had just accepted it. Also Nick hadn't hesitated to tell them his plan. The whole thing looked settled and still Arthur felt unwell.

“What will you do?” “Well...in all honesty...we don't know...or do you?” Brad passed the question to Matt and Chris. “I keep making plans and abandoning them again”, Chris said. “What's to plan anyway?” Matt found. “We don't know the world outside.” “We should collect a few informations before leaving”, Brad said. “We'll come up with something”, Chris assured Arthur. “Don't worry about us. We made a living here and we'll make it outside as well.” “Or we stay until we're filthy rich and go for a world tour”, Matt said. “Then we pick you up.” “I like that plan”, Nick agreed grinning. Arthur let himself get carried away and smiled too, but he was deep in thoughts. “At any rate, you're as stubborn as Nick.” “I take that as a compliment.” Chris laughed. Like this, they had an actually good time. Arthur hadn't had such honest and joyful company in the past few years, but he noticed how Nick and the band understood each other nearly without words. It made him wonder if he even had an equally close bond to Nick.

One time, Nick went into the kitchen to collect replenishments. Chris followed him and suddenly grabbed Nick by the shoulders. “Now you're leaving me, just when I begin to like you, you little bastard!”, he hissed and shook Nick slightly. “Make sure you become a star this time, so I don't have to come back to run the show for you!” Nick replied insistently. “Ah...that's what it's about...” “Exactly! Don't disappoint me, you hear me? Don't think I can't keep an eye on you just because I'm in another country!” Chris nodded. “You'll hear from me.” “I hope so”, Nick said less jokingly. “I'll miss you, little one...” “I'll send you postcards. In German.” “Great...So I can't even read them.” Nick pulled Chris into a short and tight embrace. “What's taking you so long? We're thirsty.” Brad came in. “There comes the gooseberry...” Chris let go and viewed Nick's face. “Any love bruises? No? Good...” “You cheaters!”, Brad shouted. “And Arthur sits right next door, I can't believe it!” Nick quickly backed away from his fellow guitarist. “You're silly, both of you”, he said pouting. “What did I do?” Chris played upset. “You're a bad kisser.” “You prick!” Chris lifted up his hand as if he wanted to slap him. Brad burst out in laughter. Then Matt and Arthur came in. “Don't drink it all alone, we have a guest!”, Matt shouted. When Arthur asked Nick what happened, he only shook his head. It made Arthur doubt their bond even more.

When they went home, Nick was still in a good mood, but it could've been the alcohol, too. “See, it all went well”, he said confidentially. “They're good chaps, they want nothing but our best.” Arthur wondered if Nick had drunk so much for a reason. "They are, but are you really ready to leave them?" "I am! I already told you!" Shortly after, Nick seemed to be sorry for his rough answer because he put an arm around Arhtur's shoulder and softly whispered: "Come, I'll show you something..."

Arthur asked himself if Nick should rather lay down and sober up, but he didn't want to ruin this for him. He let him lead out of town. When they approached the bridge, Arthur tought they'd go back to Hamlyn Village, but then Nick went straight to the handrail and climbed over it. Then he offered his hand for help. Arthur took it with pleasure. He soon understood why Nick brought him here. The place looked similar to their Garden District. It was a rawer landscape, with rocks spread over the meagre grass, but it still had it's magic. A glimpse of freedom that Arthur felt especially at the sight of the ocean. He remembered standing on Britannia Bridge and caught himself wishing he could show it to Nick. Being alone with him like this, enjoying the silence around them, only the rushing of the wind instead of the noise and hubbub that usually surrounded Nick, he suddenly had the feeling that they shared a closer bond that nobody else could break. Nick moved so casually within the silence as if he didn't need anything more. Here, Nick was just himself and seemed to be happy. Arthur noticed just now that he was still holding Nick's hand.

"It's a beautiful place", he said eventually. Nick gave him an eased smile. "I figured it'd be nice to have a moment for ourselves", he said quietly. "I like these moments." "Yeah, me too", Arthur answered just as quietly. Then he bit his lower lip, pondering if he should say what lay on the tip of his tongue. And how. "But would they be enough?", he then dared to ask. Nick didn't answer promptly. He seemed to think about it despite his current state. Arthur was glad that he took the question seriously.

"You know...looking back at my life, at everything that happened to me, everything I still see in my dreams..." Nick paused to gaze into the distance, slowly letting out the air as if he was letting go of a heavy weight. "I like the silence", he concluded and Arthur believed that he was feeling this way right now. "There's a lot I didn't tell you yet, Arthur", he went on and Arthur hung at his every word. His soft voice comforted him. "We spoke about my past with the band a couple of times but for your interviews I could only tell you the good things...I had good times, of course, and I don't want to forget any of them ever again. But in most situations I couldn't make my own decisions. I noticed it in the past few days when I was talking to the lads...I didn't know what was happening around me, I didn't look through other people's plans, I was tossed about by fate, I fell between the cracks...It was always loud around me, I barely had time to think about what happened and what I really wanted. I don't want to live like this anymore. I want to be aware of what I'm doing. I want to make my own decisions. I want to enjoy every minute, just like this very moment. It's gonna be a new start. You gifted me a new life and I want to live it." He said the last words insistently.

Arthur remembered how he found Nick. He had lost control over his life long ago and he had no greater wish than to get it back. It was fitting. "You could try to become famous by your own decisions", Arthur proposed. "I could, but like that I'd only repeat myself", Nick said calmly. "And how it ends, I know that too. I don't know if I want that again...so soon...And if it doesn't work out, I don't know if I can bear to see me fail...It's bringing up so many memories...I want to try something I can't compare myself to." Arthur let his gaze wander along the weathered rocks. "And if you don't like your new life?", he asked quietly. Nick looked at him. "Then I at least tried." Arthur gave a meek smile. He in turn had no greater wish than to take Nick with him, who supported him and cheered him up. But... "We won't be free", he replied. "We'd have to do all it takes to find Percy, no more, no less. We'll have a mission, so to say..." "We'll have a firm goal", Nick said. "A simple, understandable task. That's good." He nodded.

Why did Arthur feel like personificated chaos while Nick kept a clear head? Arthur's head was spinning. He noticed how Nick eyed him from the side. "What is it, Arthur? Tell me the truth. Do you want to leave me?" Arthur's expression was painful. "No, but..." "You think you don't deserve it", Nick said. "You think it's your fault, your problem and you have to go through with it on your own." Arthur almost winced. The analysis was scarily exact. "You showed me that I'm worth loving. Why can't I show you that you deserve to be happy? I want to comfort you when you're sad, I want to support you when you doubt yourself and I want to help you when you're in trouble. Let me do this, if you must, do it for my sake. I need you, Arthur." His green eyes lay on Arthur, who could barely stand the look. He began to shiver. "Nick, I also didn't tell you everything, but I'm afraid I must, or else I can't look into your eyes ever again." Nick fell quiet and waited. Arthur crossed his arms and turned away. "It's my fault that Percy was brought to Germany. He wasn't even on the list, but me...We went to the station together, he wanted to come along, just because he didn't want to abandon me. He was so trusting and didn't fear for himself..." Arthur gulped. "I posed as him....I acted as if I only went along to say goodbye to my younger brother...I made it back out like this, but I saw how they pushed him into the train...he called out for me...he was so afraid..." Arthur fought back tears. "Now I wish I was there..." He fell silent, sobbing and waiting for Nick's judgement.

“How old have you been?” Nick asked quietly. “Twelve....Still young enough for the train And Percy was one year older...” “You've been a child, Arthur.” “I knew exactly what I was doing!” Nick didn't say any more. He hugged him from behind and held him close. Arthur clung to Nick's arms. “Why are you doing this?”, he asked after a while, letting go and eyeing Nick meekly. “Aren't you upset?” “Just look at you”, Nick answered. “You're not a child anymore. The man who's standing in front of me now wouldn't do this.” “But it still happened...” “You changed”, Nick insisted. “If it wasn't for you I couldn't judge you in the first place.” Nick kissed his cheek. “I'm glad you're here.” “It's not about me, Nick! I have to find him! I should've never dragged you into this!” Arthur winded. “And what do you do if you find him?” “I'll think about that later.”

“Arthur...Percy isn't a child anymore...He's leading his own life by now...Who'll keep you company if you find him and suddenly lose your only purpose in life? Who'll give your life a new meaning?” Arthur hung his head. “And if he didn't make it?” “Also then”, Nick said without mercy. “Who'll comfort you?” Arthur struggled to hold back tears. He wondered how on earth he deserved such a stubborn and affectionate man at his side. He couldn't simply push him away. “Nick, if you don't like it anymore, if you believe you made a mistake, you can go! You can go anytime!” Nick put his hands back on Arthur's shoulders. “This is an offer I can accept...”, he said quietly. He ran his hands along his upper arms, making Arthur's body tingle at the sensation. With Nick, he just didn't feel like he'll end up as shark bait while Nick drank margaritas on a desert island. Nick wouldn't give up on him, search the entire ocean if he had to and take him back to his island. Arthur already felt like he was there. He leaned closer to Nick and for a long while nothing happened other than their extensive kissing. Then Nick sat down on the grass and looked up to Arthur, inviting. “Here? Now?”, Arthur hissed. Nick took his hand and pulled him down.

Lying in the grass, Arthur found his body covered in kisses. Nick was eager to spoil every spot of him. Arthur's cheeks were salty from the tears he had shed, but Nick kissed them all away. Arthur winded giggling and gasping. His body tickled and his heart fluttered. The grass was cold, so was the air, but Nick's love bites warmed him. When his heated blood pounded in his veins, he pressed Nick down. He adored the soft foam that was growing along his upper lip, that would soon be a full Lightbearer moustache, and caressed it with his lips, before he placed a craving kiss on it. He wasn't shy with his tongue anymore. He wasn't shy with almost anything, causing Nick emit a noise that sounded like a purr. Then it was time for Arthur to redden Nick's skin with his teeth. Nick gasped, running his hands along Arthur's tights. Arthur bit him gently, his tongue massaged the sour spots right after. Arthur thanked him with every kiss, every gesture, overwhelmed by the promise he had just made.

Nick was so happy, he felt butterflies all over his body and his heart was about to jump out of his chest. He adored to see his Arthur in action and was looking forward to many, many more moments like this. With pleasure he felt Arthur expose him and skim along his lower back without shame. Nick moaned just as shamelessly when he felt Arthur shove a finger inside him. His body shivered, he pressed himself against it, begging Arthur to massage him. His blood was pounding in the right spot as his lover went along. Aroused like this, Arthur felt ready. He held Nick close while his thrusts massaged him more. Nick's quiet whimpers were music to his ears. Arthur climaxed quietly, with his hands curled into Nick's hair and his head pressed against his chest. He relaxed like that for a while, receiving kisses on his head from Nick. Then he began to feel the chill on his naked skin and decided to put his clothes back on. Nick followed him shortly after.

They walked home slowly and peacefully, with their arms wrapped around each other, holding themselves as if the could barely stand. At the bridge, Arthur promptly lifted Nick up and carried him over the rail. Nick's expression after putting him back down was priceless. In town they walked next to each other as if they were friends, but if someone had paid attention to their looks they would've known better. At home, they both had a hot bath before they put themselves to bed.

The next day, Arthur didn't intent to wake Nick up early. His lover was most likely exhausted after everything he had been trough. Arthur himself was tired as well. The day wasn't quite inviting either, being cloudy and dark. The drizzle moistened the windows with tiny drops. It was the perfect weather to stay inside, have a hot chocolate and relax. But Arthur was still restless. He didn't feel well, just sitting around and hoping for the best. He was used to nothing good happening as long as he didn't do it himself. That was why he sat at his kitchen table, absorbed in his thoughts and forgetting to drink his coffee. The house was so quiet he could hear the clock ticking that hang on the wall next to the fridge. The radio had stopped playing the happy jingle that would normally start every day in Wellington Wells. He could just as well bin it, but he hesitated to change anything in this house. To make himself comfortable in it. After all, it was supposed to be only a stopover before they would go on their journey. But to make it that, he had to do something. After Arthur had walked back an forth in between the kitchen and the living room for a while, he couldn't bear it any longer. He wrote a letter to Nick and put it next to him on his pillow. He hoped to be back before his long sleeper woke up. Then he put on his coat, opened the brolly with the colourful pattern and went outside.

Nick woke up much later, feeling cosy, lolling and stretching out. He was completely refreshed. He remained in the bed a little while longer after noticing that Arthur had already gotten up, listening if he could hear him downstairs. It was very quiet. No footsteps, no clanking of the dishes, only the silent pattering of raindrops on the window. Nick sat up, thereby noticing the letter.

Nick darling, I'm on the move again. I need to make sure we're getting out of here. Don't worry about me and take a rest. I'll be back soon. I love you! Arthur

Nick stared at it. It sounded loving, of course, and not if Arthur had had any bad intentions. Still, it bothered him. Nick was sure that he couldn't expect Arthur to wait for him to awake from his sleeping beauty sleep, and Nick had been really tired, he admitted that. Still...why couldn't they go together? Was it really too necessary to wait? Did Arthur fear that Nick would spoil it? Or be bored? Nick rumpled the paper and let it fall on the table. What are you doing to me, Arthur?, he thought sadly. Then he told himself he should trust him. That he had a good reason to do it. That there'll be a good explanation for all this. He sighed. However, he was alone now. Take a rest. How was he supposed to relax while Arthur was out there facing who knows what? He just had to play the hero again.

Nick left the bed. He couldn't sit around and wait anyway. He needed a distraction and perhaps he could even do something useful as well. On the way downstairs he remembered Hunt. Of course, his Bobby, who in a way was also his friend. If Arthur couldn't help him, he had to do it on his own. He couldn't leave poor Hunt to rot in his old home. He left a note for Arthur and went into the cold and moistly weather.

This time he went to the bridge to actually cross it. He knew the way by heart, still it felt strange. Walking by the counter where normally a Constable would control the passports, he found it empty. He went along the bridge all alone, then Maidenholm greeted him in all it's silence. It looked like a ghost-town. Nobody had cleaned up this place. Old newspapers lay in puddles or flew by in the wind. He saw rats gathering the leftovers from the pantries of the houses. The gardens were abandoned, all windows closed. In his best days, Nick had known every face in his district. A few of them had been in the church. He could only guess where the rest had ended up. How many of them had been chased into the Garden District, without him noticing? The rainbow-coloured road looked more pale than he remembered. All houses had been more colourful as well. Did he only imagine this? Still, the town could be beautiful. Perhaps this place would be populated again. He would definitely bring it up next time he was in the church.

His own home after all occurred dusky and not very welcoming to him, even though he had liked visitors in the old days. The red carpet was greasy. The former bright red was vaguely perceptible. Nick made a few steps until he noticed that someone sat in front of the door, cowering and visibly sleeping. Under the canopy he was protected from the rain, but still it must be cold and uncomfortable. The uniform definitely had seen better days. He had taken off his helmet and the blonde hair told Nick that it was indeed Hunt.

“Hunt?”, Nick tried. When the man didn't answer, Nick grabbed his shoulder and shook him a bit. The man finally awoke with a grunting noise and then looked around frantically. He seemed to back away from Nick, even though his body was already pressed against the door. “Don't worry, it's just me, Nick”, Nick reasoned with him. “The band told me you're here.” “Nick?”, Hunt stammered. “Mr. Lightbearer?” His eyes widened and he went back up on his feet. He grabbed his arm tightly, so that it stung. “I'm so happy to see you alive!” “You know, a cat has nine lives...”, Nick played it down, massaging his arm. “What are you doing here?” “Er...well...” He shrugged. “I don't really have another place to go...I'm lucky enough, escaping the Parade and all...Here, it's a safer place for the likes of me.” “Perhaps the Parade calmed down. People stopped fighting and they have other worries now.” “Yeah, Mr. Reid told me something like that, too. You know, it's different with the other Wellies. They didn't know what they did...” “You neither.” “Blackberry Joy isn't the same as normal Joy. It doesn't make you forget...We had to keep a clear head. Who else could push through law and order?”, Hunt admitted contritely, leaning against the door and hiding his face. “I knew and I only watched...” “You couldn't stop that easily”, Nick opposed. Hunt gave another shrug and made a helpless sound. “You only guarded my house!”, Nick said with emphasis. “Yeah...after working night shifts for a long time...I can't get the bloody jingle of the Jubliators out of my head...” Nick understood how he felt. “You don't have to torture yourself though. Go inside and warm up.” “My place is out here.” “From now on you have a larger field! Go inside and warm up, that's an order!” He raised a smile from the taller man. “Well...won't do any harm...”

Nick followed him inside. “Oh”, he noticed. “We should let some air in...” “Aye, sir.” “Has it always been that dusty?” Nick remembered that his last charlady had given up months ago. Besides that, everything looked the same. Nick ascended the stairs to his bedroom and looked inside. The same as always. Nick was suddenly undecided about what he intended to do here. He gave his golden records a wistful look. He'd miss them probably. But what use would they be in Germany? Then he recalled something else that was located in this floor. Back in the corridor, he opened a door to a smaller bedroom. It took a lot of effort to go inside. Too many memories were collected here, shattered dreams and pain. But also one memory he wanted to keep. He went to the desk and lifted up the little frame, not without looking at the photo as well. Arthur would allow it, right? It was his past after all. Nick put the frame into his pocket and left the room with a heavy heart. Before he closed the door, he hesitated. He felt like Morrie had called out for him. But that was impossible. Surely, it was only a plank that had creaked. He finally closed the door. In the second floor he found his iconic blue guitar and shouldered it. Then he had everything he wanted.

Back downstairs, he found his Constable sitting at the kitchen table in a sunken down position. The window was open. The look Hunt gave him made Nick ask: “Do you really want to stay here?” “I want the old days back, when this place was full of life.” “Now the Parade is where the action is. You could try to find a new home there. I can help you.” “And I could guard you...on you way back...yeah, I could do that...” The tall man stood up and closed the window. Nick was pleased with himself. Stepping outside, he took a deep breath, waiting for the Bobby. Hunt locked the door when he went out. Nick asked himself if anyone would loot this house. If so, they'd probably look for food. Who would still care about Nick's underwear?

Walking through Maidenholm, the district was as empty as it had been before. No one crossed their path. To the empty counter Hunt said: “Ah, Constable Johnson...well...He's always been kind of an arse...I guess he had it coming...” “He could be in the Parade”, Nick replied. “Maybe...”, Hunt said less optimistically. In the Parade District however they met multiple Wellies and received their mistrust. “Where do you think you're going?” Nick placed himself in front of Hunt. “We can go wherever we like. Did you forget?” “That doesn't apply for his kind”, the Wellie glared at Hunt. “He's clearly a Bobby! He doesn't even try to hide it!” “We don't want any Bobbies here!”, another man approached them. “And also no friends them!”

“You don't have to be afraid of him”, Nick persisted. “Hunt did no more than guarding my home for years. He's a good guy.” “Guarding your home?” The Wellie spit on the cobblestone. “That's neat. Must've been some big shot to afford this. Maybe Executive Committee?” “No, I'm not that relevant. I only lived in Maidenholm.” “So what? That doesn't prove anything! Your Bobby is making you suspicious!” “I never had any power! I'm just a musician!” For the first time they took notice of his outfit “You're a Nick Lightbearer lookalike?” “No, I'm Nick Lightbearer himself.” That made them fall quiet for a second. “Nick Lightbearer, eh? The one who distracted us with jolly tunes while we were starving?” “Who told us to take Joy with his songs?” “Who led us to believe everything was right as rain?” The Wellies came closer, not any less angry than before. More joined them. Hunt gave Nick a questioning look, but Nick shook his head. “I didn't know better than you! I took Joy just like all of you! What was wrong about cheering you up? That's what I always wanted, long before we started to take Joy! I never meant to force you into anything and as long as some of you like my music, I'll play it!” “Nick Lightbearer?”, another Wellie shouted. “That's Nick Lightbearer?” More Wellies came and the atmosphere shifted drastically. Suddenly, the thugs were outnumbered. “Alright, you won for now. But if we catch your Bobby red-handed...”, one of them implied before he took to his heels. “Nicky! Sing a song for us! We love you, Nick!” Hunt looked at him again. “Are we running now?”

Nick agreed and soon they ended up far away from the bridge. They escaped the fans and carefully made their way to the alley of the Make Believes. “I'd like to take you to my place, Hunt, but it's too close to the main road. We better hide in the band's house for now.” “So, you split up again?” “We're still friends. It's just...I'm living with Arthur now. You remember him?” Hunt didn't have to think for long. “The friendly reporter?” “Yes, him.” “Would he want a Bobby close-by?” “He doesn't have much of a choice, now that my fans know I'm alive”, he joked. “Chin up, you're a good chap, believe it or not.”

Brad answered the door again. “Hey, uh...could we hide in your house for a while?” Nick pointed at his company. Brad understood. Inside, he asked: “How bad is it?” Hunt and Nick eyed each other. “It's me...I got recognised...” Nick scratched his head. Promptly, someone knocked at the door. Nick and Hunt winced. Brad set himself into motion again. He was surprised to find a complete stranger outside. “I'm sorry...May I speak to Mr. Lightbearer? I really need to see him!” “I'm sorry too, here's no Mr. Lightbearer!” Brad slammed the door shut. “How many followed you?”, he shouted walking back to Nick. “Nobody”, Nick said meekly. “I can confirm that, Mr. Wilson! Nobody escapes my eager eyes. This fan eluded me!” “Brad?”, they heard Matt's voice. He came running down the stairs. “Brad? Have you seen the crowd in our front garden?” He came into the living room and found Nick and Hunt being abashed. “Oh, no! Are they after you, Hunt?” Brad crossed his arms. “They want Nick.” Matt looked at the still famous enough star who smiled helplessly. Outside, the crowd began to call for their idol. It wasn't long until Chris ran into the room. “What makes them think Nick is here?” Then his gaze fell on Nick and drew the conclusion. “Why am I not surprised?” “We should've been more cautious about his outfit”, Brad commented. The Wellies began to knock at the door again. “Nick! Sing a song for us!”

“Should we wait until they bugger off?” Matt wasn't convinced himself. “I can go, then you're free”, Nick offered. “They'll tear you apart!”, Brad shouted. “Why not?”, Chris muttered. Brad gave him a look. Chris ignored it and approached Nick. “If they want a spontaneous show, why not giving them one?” “Can we?” Nick asked without hesitation. It seemed to be the easiest way out. “Yeah, we got everything from your house.” “And how do we keep them from breaking in to see us?” Matt wanted to know. Chris thought about it. “We have a flat roof we can access...people could see us there.” “Is that safe?”, Hunt asked. “I'm not excited about fighting off the poor sods who climb up the walls.” “It's quite high. Nobody should climb up there”, Brad mused. “So, it's settled?”, Chris asked. “Hell, yeah!”, Nick shouted. They hurried while Hunt locked all doors and windows. When the band finally arrived at the roof the crowd went wild. “Did anybody see my Joy?”, Nick asked, seemingly nervous. The others stared at him. “I'm kidding.” Nick grinned Their first song rang out in the entire district.

Arthur couldn't express how he felt when finally the light came through. The dark tunnel that had occurred to him as if it lay hundreds of miles below ground level, an unscalable prison for every Skipper, suddenly lit up. Little fluffs danced in the air, glittering like diamonds. For a while it was silent. The rain had stopped and in the bright blue sky above them they saw fluffy white clouds pass by. Then the noise broke loose. The workers cheered, danced, cried out their relief. It was infectuous. Arthur had to laugh too, patting other Wellie's shoulders. They made it! Finally! He could see the fatigue of multiple sleepless nights in their eyes. It had been worth it.

Arthur slowly progressed, walking by the celebrating Wellies, but as soon as he was alone again, he ran as fast as he could, following the rails. He climbed out of the ravine and abruptly came to a halt. The whole town was emptied. He had feared that a crowd would scramble for the tunnel, but no one had noticed. From afar, he heard music that, after a further analysis, couldn't come from a radio. Was that...? Arthur's heart pounded after running and climbing. Or was it because of the music? He followed it and after a while, he met Wellies walking into the same direction. “Oh, no...” The crowd was getting bigger. They were all here, looking up for some reason. Further away, on a roof, Arthur recognised Nick. He was back in his element. Without Joy. Arthur was proud of him, but he also felt melancholic. Did it change everything?

Arthur wanted to reach him before anyone else noticed that the tunnel was open, but his gaze wandered helplessly along the masses. It was impossible to get through there. And then he couldn't simply walk through the door without letting everyone in. But wait...wasn't that the same house...? Sure, why would they carry their instruments any further? Arthur went a devious route, always watching out for fans, until he arrived in the backyard. But of course the door was locked. At first he knocked, but as expected, nothing happened. Who was supposed to hear it anyway? Desperately, he hammered against the door, fearing to alarm the whole district. “It's me, Arthur! Let me in!” When he felt ridiculous already, someone actually opened. It was a very tall man. The white shirt and blue trousers seemed to be the remnants of a uniform. “Arthur? Mr. Hastings?” Arthur gasped. “C...Constable Hunt?” The old escape reflex kicked in, but Hunt grabbed in and pulled him inside. Then he looked the door again, securing it with a chain around the handle and a dresser shoved in front of it. “I need to see Nick...” He felt the need to explain. “Go ahead, he's on the roof.”

Arthur ran upstairs. His heart was still pounding. When he heard that they had just finished a song, he went outside. Carefully avoiding the cables, he made his way to Nick who was talking to the other guitarists. Arthur put a hand on his shoulder, making Nick wince and turn around. Arthur's expression alarmed him, so he put the guitar down and followed him back inside. Nick waited for him to speak, so Arthur blurted out: “The tunnel is open!” “Wha...really?” Nick began to beam. “You made it?” “Come, I show you”, Arthur said. Or was it more likely a question? “You want to leave now?” Nick looked startled. “No, only show you, before they realise it and the place gets crowded.” Arthur's eyes begged. It seemed like Nick would only reluctantly go. Arthur prepared for a refusal when Nick said: “Okay. Just let me give the word.” With that, he went to talk to the band, but came back shortly after with an expectant look. Arthur was looking forward to leave this noisy place and he was even happier that Nick went with him. They sneaked out of the backyard after Hunt had opened up for them and went another devious route, hiding and watching. “This is like the old days”, Nick whispered gleefully.

Like this, they reached the ravine and climbed inside. Nick had never thought they'd conquer this again. From the bottom up it looked less intimidating. When they went into the tunnel, Nick began to feel a little queasy, watching the ceiling as if it could collapse any second. Arthur noticed and took his hand. Nick gave him a thankful look, then they went on. Nick's footsteps were more determined now. He was also surprised when the tunnel lit up and couldn't avert his gaze from the beams of sunlight breaking through. He stared at the sky just as stunned as Arthur had been, at least he found that there was a certain resemblance. But this time, Arthur took the first steps towards the light. He still held Nick, who cautiously climbed after him. Back outside, also Arthur was overwhelmed. The horizon was bright and clear. He could look much further than before. The land that had been purely black and vaguely shaped, now exposed a coastal cliff, meadows and forests. The bridge went all the way to there, it's end vanished somewhere in the distance.

“Wow!”, Nick produced. “This is the mainland? Just like that?” He pointed at the horizon. Arthur nodded. “And you wanted to go all the way on foot?” Nick pointed at the bridge and grinned. Arthur had to grin, too. He went a few steps with Nick, until they were surrounded by nothing but the ocean. Arthur rested his elbows on the handrail and Nick did the same. “Do you smell that? No Motilene, no chemical waste...” Arthur took a deep breath. Nick closed his eyes and breathed in as well. “This is the real world, huh?”, he asked after enjoying the fresh air. “Yeah...a part of it...” “Can't wait to see more...”, Nick whispered. Arthur was happy to hear that. He beamed at Nick. “And from here you came back to me?” Nick turned around, leaning his back against the rail in a nonchalant manner. The wind had already ruffled his hair. Arthur would've loved to take a photo of him now. “Yeah...”, Arthur felt flattered. “It must've been hard for you.” “Actually, it wasn't...I couldn't leave you like that...” “You have a way of disappearing and coming back...” Arthur smiled helplessly, clutching the rail.

Nick eyed the stony floor, pondering. “Arthur...”, he then said. His tone alarmed Arthur. “Why did you leave me this morning?” Nick gave him an urgent look. Arthur stared at the horizon. “Because...because I had to do this alone...” “You wanted to punish yourself again?” “No...You were tired...You needed to rest and I didn't plan to be gone for long...Then one thing led to another and...I'm sorry...” “So you wanted to protect me?” “Yeah...” “Why?” “Just look at you!”, Arthur shouted desperately. “I can't let anything happen to you!” “You put yourself in danger?” Nick became louder. “No!”, Arthur quickly replied. “Well...not more than usual...Nick, I have to put myself in danger every day! Me and...others to....But you...I can't let anything happen to you...”

“Arthur, this is over! You're not a Downer anymore, nobody's chasing you for what you are and you're not alone! I understand that you're used to this, but we have to move on! I'm not a spoiled rockstar you have to spare! I'm your partner! You hurt me when you run off all alone! The tunnel could've collapsed! Your old boss could've changed her mind and kidnapped you! And I wouldn't know where you are! How could you do this to me?” Arthur couldn't come up with a good answer. “The worst you can do to me is disappearing, you hear me? If you put yourself in danger, I want to be at your side! I want to know where you're going if we really have to split up!” Nick had shouted the last words. He was really upset. Arthur hadn't seen him so angry before. “I'm sorry, Nick...I didn't think about it this way...I just had to do something...I'm sorry, please don't tell me I fucked this up...” Arthur was at the edge of tears. Nick promptly embraced him, noticing how much he needed it himself. “Ssshh...don't panic...I still love you...” They held still like this and and slowly calmed down.

“Don't do it again, okay?”, Nick said quietly. “Okay...I promise...”, Arthur whispered meekly. “It's hard not to see you as a star...” “But you've seen my real self...” Nick recalled something. “It's the name, right?” His face fell. “I know your name isn't 'Lightbearer'”, Arthur disagreed. His partner averted his gaze. “But it's also not 'Nick'.” Arthur was really taken aback. It felt so natural to call him 'Nick'. No other name seemed to fit. He even looked like a 'Nick'. “I never meant to keep it a secret. You have the right to know the truth, but there never was a fitting moment...” He faced Arthur again. “My name is Norbert. Norbert...Pickles...If you need to laugh, just do it...” Nick crossed his arms, dropped his gaze and waited. Arthur wouldn't be the first. Some people knew his name, from gossip or any other source. Their reaction was mostly the same. “I don't know why I should laugh...It's just a name.” Arthur came closer. “It never bothered me...But after years of being The Lightbearer...”, Nick explained and shook his head. “It's hard to look at it the same way again.” He looked back up to his lover. “You don't have to use it...But you can...Just do as you like...” Arthur felt that he'd need a while to get used to it. Still, he felt that the other man had just tightened their bond. “Thank you for telling me the truth...Even thought you're still 'Nick' to me...” “Thanks for not laughing.” Nick smiled his adorable smile. Arthur cupped his cheeks and kissed his hair.

They enjoyed their moment some more before they started back. Arthur was glad not to meet anyone yet. Back in town, they still heard The Make Believes perform. “Good idea...that concert...people love it”, Arthur stuttered. “We didn't really have a choice.” Nick chuckled. “It doesn't change anything?” Arthur eyed him carefully. “Nothing at all”, Nick confirmed. They silenced, listening. “Do you want to finish it?”, Arthur asked. “If you agree?” Nick didn't urge him. Arthur smiled meekly. “Just go for it, my Golden God.” He gave him a slap on the lower back. “I'll take care of you when you come home.” Nick beamed and ruffled Arthur's hair. “Until then, my tall boy.” After a passionate kiss, Nick hurried to join his band.

Arthur stayed outside for a while, watching Nick proudly, then he obeyed his tired body and went home. There he prepared for his journey, at least emotionally. He realized that not only Nick left his old life here, but also himself and he looked for something to keep. After deciding for the medal that he had brought from his former hideout and the documents about Percy he had to keep anyway, he put the few objects on his night table and lay down on his bed. A few moments later he dropped off.

Nick was excited. The noise of their last song was still ringing in his ears. The last applause had doped him. And now this! He had to tell Arthur! His rash footsteps echoed in the night, but he wasn't afraid. The show had ended long ago and the fans had gone back home. Out of breath, he reached Arthur's home and hurried into the corridor. There, the light was out. “Arthur?” He flicked it back on. Nick assumed his lover was already in bed. He ran up the stairs. Also the upper floor was dark. In the second floor, the light went on and a sleepy Arthur appeared at the stairs. “Nick, is that you?” Nick stormed up the stairs and span his lover around who yelped adorably. “Pack up your things, my King! We're going to Germany!”, he shouted and kissed Arthur wildly. Greeted like that, Arthur had to catch his breath. “Nicky, I'm glad you're so motivated. No need to exaggerate though, it's not going to be a fun journey”, he said but laughed nonetheless. “Oh, yes, it is! I know how we get there!” “Really?” Arthur's eyed widened. “You better sit down.” Nick shoved him back into his bedroom and placed him on the bed. Arthur stared at him while Nick shortly searched for words.

“After we told the boys our plan, they went looking for opportunities. They met Birdie today who has a similar problem. Her manager is looking for ways out of here and you won't believe what he found out! Germans actually love beat music and he's already in contact with a club there! He'll organise it all...the journey...the night stop...Isn't that fantastic?” Arthur was overwhelmed once more. Their whole impossible, lonely journey, suddenly simplified? On the one hand, he was fascinated about how fast Nick came up with a solution. It was another reason to have him at his side. On the other hand, it had an unpleasant connotation.

Arthur's silence worried Nick. “What's wrong?” His lover made a pained face. “So, you'll stay with the band...” “No, you got me wrong.” Nick sat down next to him. “I'll stay with you.” “How is this going to work?” “We're travelling with the band, because it's the easiest way out. Also, we'll need money and a place to sleep. And then...” Nick shrugged. “The rest is our adventure.” Arthur pondered. “Come on, is it easier to find Percy completely without resources or help?” Nick tried a joke. “What if he'll become a fan?” Arthur had to grin even though he doubted it. “And what if you don't want the silence anymore?” “You mean, if I don't want you anymore?” Nick leaned closer and tenderly kissed Arthur's cheek. “Then I must be the biggest dumbass in the world,” he whispered close to his ear. Arthur's resistance melted away. He accepted another loving kiss from Nick.

They had a very emotional night, dwelling in dreams and wishes. They slept together and then left the house for a night walk. It was the greatest conquest of their new freedom that they could enjoy the night without fear, at least that's what Nick thought. Also Arthur appeared to be ravished by the starry sky. “It's really pretty”, he sighed. “Everything is pretty as long as you're by my side”, Nick purred, rubbing his cheek against his shoulder. “Yeah...” Arthur had to chuckle. “Alright, I believe you!...you won...! I believe you!” “Finally!” Nick shouted out loud. He went a few steps forward, spread his arms and yelled: “My man believes I love him!” “Sssshh!”, Arthur hissed and laughed. “You're crazy...” “Yes, I am”, Nick confirmed. “But happy.” He fell back into Arthur's arms. “Me too...”, Arthur said and hugged him tightly. “Me too...” They stayed outside until sunrise.

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heartmeadows · 3 years

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So, uhh hi. I’m sorry about my last post. I do think I overshared, not by much but still by enough that I’ve felt ashamed ever since. And avoided posting anything else or responding to anyone. I’ve needed time to figure things out and I have actually finally overcome some big obstacles that have been in the way of my healing, recovery, whatever you wanna call it. I’m unfortunately gonna ramble so it’s gonna be under a read more

It’s taken over 6 months for me to even be able to truly feel and be present, and stop isolating myself, pushing people away, and avoiding facing my fears and troubles.... among other effects, symptoms, etc. of trauma. Trauma fucks you up. I think by now most people know that. But I’m ready to stop wallowing in self pity and hate, and letting my C-PTSD run the show. I can do better, I can be brave. I know I have more in me. It’s just that whenever I take steps back and/or I get hurt I need time to recover my strength to get back up and keep going on. With survival, recovery, all that. I do things my way no matter what. And it’s a mess most of the time. But there’s also the other side of it all. I don’t have a word for it. I suppose what I mean is that despite it all the pain me and the people I love, and even strangers and any of us, have experienced and keep experiencing there’s still hope. There’s hope, joy, light and beauty in life even during the darkest times. Sometimes the pain just blinds me too much. I could keep going on about... a lot. Pretty words. Wise words. Things I’ve learned and things I’m learning. But I have a tendency to write or talk too much, or not at all. I really find it hard to be in the middle, I always will be bipolar. Not in a quirky way, not in an ableist way some people tend to use words without understanding their meaning. I mean that I have bipolar disorder, among other issues or qualities. I guess I’m not exactly making sense fully or making any definitive point. But it’s not like I can currently can. I’m still figuring things out. I just mean that I’m me. I don’t know how to be anything else, nor do I want to ever pretend again to fit in. I learnt some dark but needed lessons the hard way. I won’t ever allow my loneliness to be a way for people to hurt me because in my desperation to feel like I belong I turn to the wrong people and trust the kind of people no one should. Anyway, I digress. It’s one step and one day at a time. And it’s ok. And I’m ok. And I’m also not ok. I’m a lot of things. A collection of paradoxes. Always liked that sentence and still find it something I could pretty much get tattooed because I relate to it on a deep level no matter how pretentious it might sound to some people. But yeah, I’m rambling. It’s well past midnight, I just had a cigarette and a cup of coffee earlier in my garden in the lovely summer air. The nights are already getting darker but I enjoy that. I don’t mind that my sleeping schedule keeps changing constantly and that I am living both a life of night owl and an early bird. Guess I’m a versatile bird lmao. Honestly, I’m going through that whole “sudden” moment of clarity at the most inconvenient time ‘cause it’s not like I can get my shit together right now. I’ve just found the positivity and hope I’ve been searching for. I’ve found solutions to a lot of problems. It’s that same old “I know all the answers to the questions I’ve had lately” but not really that hyperbolic. I’m thankfully not manic. I know what I need to do in order to start getting better again. I also know that it’s gonna take a lot of courage to do most of the things that will help me get forward. It’s not gonna be easy. But it’s time to stop waiting for things to change without actually working to change things. I’m just... over the past. I’m ready to let go of the pain and of the person I was that I’ve been longing to be again, and also of the regret and shame of the person that I became at times that I never wanted to be. I thought that I had to cling onto the past in order not to lose myself after going through trauma that made me truly feel like I’d lost everything to the point I went too far and attempted suicide four fucking times. After years of not even so much as cutting myself. You know, not my first attempts but my worst ones because it’s a miracle after miracle surviving these overdoses. It’s hard to understand I guess. I really thought I’d lost everything. That they took everything from me. But I was wrong. I understand now that after everything I’ve finally come to a point where I can re-invent myself. To choose where I want my life to head towards and who I truly want to be. I’ve already come so far, for example I’ve finally overcome my addiction to hard drugs. And I never thought I could do that. But I kept trying. I kept going. I relapsed last year and that lead to all the misery that has followed me. But I got through it. I still have my other, physical addiction to meds that are for now the only way I can cope with my physical issues and also numb myself to a point. But I know I’ll find a way out of this one too. I won’t let anything or anyone destroy me anymore. I’ve made mistakes and I’ve learnt lessons the hard way. I’ve paid the price of asking too many questions in life and wanting to find the answers by being stupid, reckless, too trusting, too lonely, too self destructive. I guess I still have to figure out how to stop rambling too much, especially when I’m pretty sure without all the context a lot of this doesn’t make sense. So, I’ll just try my best to finish this post with saying that I’m ready to let go, move on and re-invent myself again. Like I said. But not fully, like I have done before. I’m not changing my name again (and people have stopped calling me by my deadname, if it’s ok to use that word to describe my birthname that isn’t my name at all, not in any way, and I changed it legally a long time ago too) or dying or cutting my hair, nah. I’m not fully happy with the surface level of my identity and life right now because I’ve gained weight, gotten more ill and started to age in a way I know is caused by being unhealthy (stupid to keep smoking still even after being in a coma and a breathing machine way too many times by now because of the overdoses)... It’s hard to make this short, sorry. What I mean is that I’m disappointed and hurt with where my choices and the consequences of not only my acts but others have lead me to. But it’s not over. Because I’m alive, I survived and I still have a chance to change things for the better. And to truly be myself and get back on track on my journey of self improvement and recovery, healing. It’s not too late like I thought. I can still be Lena and for that to mean that I can become someone I can truly be proud of. To be someone the people in my life can look up to. And to keep following the path I create for myself, to pursue my freedom and my passions. To let go of the self destruction. To walk the path of light and accept the dark but not let it control me. I can find balance, mentally, physically and spiritually. I can heal. Everything’s gonna be ok. So I’ll just stop here. I’m gonna go sim, to be honest, and I’ll hope to post sims stuff again soon enough. If anyone actually read this annoyingly long post I thank you for your patience and for listening to me, so to speak. It’s important for me to post this so that I can come back to this in those moments I feel low again. To have a reminder that will give me strength to keep going on.

#personal

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shiny-procrastinates · 3 years

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(re)Watching Magia Record S1 - part 13

part 12 here

Hello and welcome everyone to the last post in this series. Most people probably would watch this ep right after the other one and there's much to be written, so let's skip the recap and get right to it.

Puella Magi Madoka Magica Side Story: Magia Record S1 episode 13

This show in a nutshell.

Really though, poor Iroha. She only came to this town to look for her sister and now she's learnt a cruel secret and is being urged to join a cult. Talk about someone who must have no idea what's going on anymore.

Back in reality, Yachiyo has finally caught up. She tries to stop Mifuyu from showing them the truth, but I'd say it's too late now. Also, Mifuyu's sure being a jerk today. You don't get to blame Yachiyo for letting them come when you're the one who made sure this would happen!

Yachiyo gets upset, and Mifuyu disappears. Iroha wakes up with Yachiyo cleaning her Soul Gem and Yachiyo says this but, nah Yachiyo, they'd have to learn this sooner or later and you don't seem like you'd ever tell them.

Iroha and Yachiyo start making their way out of Memory Museum. Tsuruno and the others were with Iroha when they went down but now they're nowhere to be found. Wait, does that mean we don't get to see their reactions to learning the truth? What a let down.

On this topic, Iroha's also pretty calm despite everything, which is probably part because realization hasn't settled in yet, part because she's occupied worrying about her team... but maybe also in part because Iroha has a wish she can’t regret, so she just doesn't care about the price as much as others. Doesn't she look like this kind of character? "I don't care what price I have to pay if that means I'll save them"-like.

Oh.

Hey Yachiyo 1: that was really outta nowhere; 2: that's not very nice of you, jumping ship just as things have hit rock-bottom. What the hell

Iroha, of course, is as shocked as we are (we are?). Sure Yachiyo had been acting strange since yesterday but this is a bit much. You can't just decide this on your own when 3/5 of the team is MiA

Iroha follows after Yachiyo, pressing her for an explanation, but Yachiyo refuses to give one.

Iroha's understandably upset at Yachiyo's attitude and asserts she refuses to leave Yachiyo's side if she won't give her a convincing reason to. And really, she has all the reasons to lose her cool here: one of her best friends is leading a cult, she's destined to a fate worse than death, half her team is missing and now the last one wants out for absolutely no discernible reason besides because she wants to. Even a saint has their limits.

Also, like, Mikazuki Team is like family to her, Yachiyo can't just decide to destroy her home with no explanation like this

Hearing what Iroha said, maybe Yachiyo realized she wouldn't get Iroha off her tail without saying anything, so she reveals her reason for wanting to disband the team. Yachiyo says that her wish was to survive. However, the way it worked was that she sacrificed others for her own survival. So she thinks Iroha and co. will die if they stay with her.

Even hearing this, Iroha's not convinced. Could such a wish really exist?

So yeah, Yachiyo was having a little crisis there and ended up being eaten by the Rumor(?). Thankfully, Iroha could still see her signal on the Soul Gem GPS, so the girl firms her determination to save her.

While Iroha's doing that, Yachiyo's having a lecture by herself to herself inside the Rumor. Quite the novel way to do introspection, if I do say so myself.

Here, we learn that Yachiyo originally wished to survive in the modelling world (we're never directly told that she's a model but there's lots of visual cues to it throughout the series). She did it because she thought she had to be a strong leader to protect her companions. She didn't want to survive at their expanse; so, uhhh...

She isn't then. Wishes in this series come true in the exact way the Magical Girl wants it to, so Yachiyo's wish can't be killing anyone if that's not what she wanted. She's misunderstanding.

...I wish they'd have put Kanae and Mel's last words in the actual scene they belong to rather than just a still, since they're literally one of the main reasons Yachiyo even reached the conclusion that their deaths were caused by her.

Iroha has learned "hold B to charge".

So, yeah, Iroha must've had a training arc off-screen because even though she's only been shown sucking at battles the whole series, she's now suddenly strong enough to defeat a Rumor on her own. Or maybe she just wanted to save her wife Yachiyo that much.

Iroha defeats the Rumor of Memory Museum (the place's an actual building, if a weird one, so that stays), hugs Yachiyo and is about to literally drag her by the hand to go search for the others, but Yachiyo's still reluctant. Iroha then tells her that Yachiyo and the others are the one who made her this strong, so she'll prove to her that her wish isn't what she thinks it is.

Don't jinx yourself, idiot! Thank god you've got protagonist plot armor.

Now, if only years of survivor's guilt could be cured this easily in real life too.

Yachiyo finally calls Iroha by her first name, accepting Iroha's promise.

The museum starts falling apart, probably thanks to the damage it received when Iroha was fighting the Rumor, so Iroha and Yachiyo have no choice but to leave the place now, even though they haven't found the others yet.

Iroha barely dodges some debris, stumbling, so Yachiyo carries her instead. Iroha's Soul Gem has been drained from fighting the Rumor, so she's having a hard time moving already. Doppels may be a thing, but there's no guarantee that they're safe, so Yachiyo's call of going to the Coordinator's to get a Grief Seed is probably correct.

As Iroha's situation worsens, Yachiyo follows Chibi Kyuubei until almost the entrance. Then, she meets with someone we know very well.

Mami says something about a gospel, and Yachiyo asserts that she and Iroha have no intention of joining the cult.

Which makes Mami snap. This girl is clearly not on her right mind. In fact, one could say she lost her head (ba-dum-tss).

Mami and Yachiyo start fighting, and I guess as expected of a veteran of 7 years, we have to commend Yachiyo here on meeting Mami's blows while carrying Iroha on her back. Yachiyo pleads with Mami to hear them out but Touka, the brat who was just watching the battle, tells Mami she doesn't have to, and Mami just keeps on her offensive.

Of course, there's only so much Yachiyo could do handicapped. But today is not the day Yachiyo's getting a bullet to her head, because

A certain someone who really likes impromptu hydrant smoke bombs is here.

Sayaka! Nice save, shining cape hero of justice! You have no idea who exactly you're calling weak tho

Seeing Sayaka, it looked like Mami had went back to normal for a moment, but nope, she's still borked. Like in all timelines where she learns it, seems like Mami didn't take the truth well here either. The difference is that she can't witch out in Kamihama so something happened instead.

Mami keeps monologuing, with Sayaka of course not understanding a single thing she's saying. Then, Mami starts to doppel out. The girl has seriously lost her mind and is now obsessed with salvation. (and man 10/10 on the VA’s voice acting here)

And here comes the bullet hell! This is so overkill Mami

Sayaka and Yachiyo do their best to deflect the rain of bullets, with Yachiyo turning back and trying to compete in number of spears. Jesus, just how big exactly is the amount of magic a veteran magical girl has? This is insane!

Yachiyo tries to send a stream of spears, who are deflected with one Tiro Finale, with another one headed their way right after

Sayaka blocks the Tiro Finale with her sword. The shot is so powerful one of her arms is torn off AND SHE ATTACHES IT BACK MID-AIR

holy-moly!

Hope this museum has insurance.

Sayaka just barely manages to reflect that bomb, which saves them from being blown to smithereens. Touka was having a nice tea time watching the spectacle, but then realizes she had something else to attend to so she exits, leaving the stage to Mami, who resumes her bullet hell.

Sayaka uses Yachiyo's spears as a platform to get closer and attempts to grab Mami, to no avail. She falls down and tries to take cover, but Mami's bullets are now homing bullets apparently, because they just change direction and start raining in her direction again.

Down below where Yachiyo's hiding, Iroha manages to wake back up, but she looks, like, on the verge of dying or something. Iroha tells Yachiyo they have to help Sayaka and Yachiyo rebukes there's no way they could win, to which Iroha subtly implies she wants to use her doppel, assuring Yachiyo it'll be okay and raising yet another flag.

Mami finally corners Sayaka, but before Sayaka can become blue Swiss cheese, Iroha comes in with her doppel to cover her. Very convenient that she suddenly knows how to control it.

Aaand Yachiyo can do that too, because of course she does, why wouldn't she. (/sarcasm)

But, uhhh, hers is considerably more creepy, what with the extra arms and stuff. Yikes.

Yachiyo says that doppels are dangerous, but one has to wonder when and how did she even learn about them. After all, she did seem surprised when Iroha did not turn into a witch in Seance Shrine.

While that's going on Touka's just out here deciding by herself that Mami would want to die for the sake of salvation. Just, uh, I don't think you can judge that when she's gone nuts, and you're a jerk if you put her in that scenario expecting her to die. Not that anyone had any doubts you're a jerk, mind you.

Also, what does she mean with Mami helping with developing Rumors?

"hey Kyuubei, I don't want to be meguka anymore, can I retire?"

Even using their doppels, Iroha and Yachiyo are not managing to make even a dent in Holy Mami. Iroha ends up getting bashed into a wall, the doppel taking over for real and her becoming a sitting duck for Mami, but Yachiyo yeets Mami before she can shoot. I'm sure this wasn't supposed to be funny but there's just something hilarious to me about Yachiyo just yeeting Holy Mami and her bouncing away.

Yachiyo transforms and shakes Iroha back to reality.

Again, why the heck do you know this, Yachiyo.

Iroha raises yet another flag for herself. What next? Are you going to say you want to marry her when you two go back?

Somewhere else, Touka arrives on her appointment: a speech for the cult. And oh my hell just look at how many magical girls there is! The amount of Black Feathers always blows me away, since the impression I got from og and even the spin offs is that, sure, there are some groups of magical girls around like the Holy Quintet and the Pleiades, but I still though it was more of a rare thing. It's shocking to see THIS many in the same place. (...I suppose the game needed the cannon fodder :x)

HEY what are these two doing here?!

Touka continues her speech over Iroha and Yachiyo's battle.

This cult leader here continues her discourse, preaching about how the power to wish for something is what advanced civilization, so magical girls, who have the power to make a wish reality, are better than normal humans, and so are deserving of being released from their fate.

OH NO, TSURUNO HAS GONE WEIRD TOO

*bonk*

There goes Holy Mami down the collapsing museum.

It's not like Touka's completely wrong (except for saying that magical girls are superior), but if it wasn't clear enough already, their actual actions makes her speech be full of hypocrisy.

Back at the crumbling Memory Museum, Iroha has managed to jinx herself so hard throughout this episode she pierced her own protagonist plot armor. Great job!

Try as she might, Yachiyo just cannot pull her back up, which also makes no sense when you consider how strong magical girls are, but alas.

And to make things worse, Mami is also pulling a literal "you're going down with me", so Iroha, making a split second decision, pulls her hand away from Yachiyo's grasp, lest both of them fall and get buried... breaking the one promise she made probably not even a hour ago.

I think that last thing she said was "sorry", but don't quote me on that.

What a loyal Mokyu. Never mind that if they can turn into water they probably can't die from this.

Yachiyo's about to follow her fate too, but thankfully Sayaka comes in for the save, only giving a brief glance to where Mami disappeared before getting the heck out of there.

Well, people promise lots of things, Yachiyo.

OH I KNOW YOU, what was your name again? It's been so long I forgot.

Back at the The Wings of the Magius' HQ, Touka's done with her speech. The way the anime cuts from Yachiyo falling to the depths of despair to the cult clapping is just *chef's kiss*

Oh no Felicia and Sana also joined the cult :(

EXCUSE ME, WHAT

oh frick we'll have to deal with that too!? Aren't things already effed up enough as is!?

...being meguka is suffering.

Also the song playing over this last sequence, Nigredo, is a real banger. Momentarily filling in that hole Kalafina left in our hearts.

After the end credits there's the teaser for season 2, with lots of overlapping lines and blink-and-you-miss-it frames hinting at the things that'll happen. I'd have to screenshot basically the whole sequence to get everything and season 2 is coming out like, today, so I'm not even gonna bother.

- x -

Aaand that's it folks! Puella Magia Madoka Magica Side Story: Magia Record Season 1! (still a mouthful)

I cannot express just how hyped I was by the end of this episode back when it aired. Did you get fired up watching it too? I was so into it back then I just couldn't stop theorizing for like, over a month, so eventually the curiosity was just too much and I caved in and watched the game.

On that matter, ironically, despite me loving the game story to bits, this is the ONE episode that makes me wish I didn't go and watch the game. Why? Because I liked this episode well enough before, but now I just can't get over how stupidly better the resolution to Yachiyo's arc was done in the game. I get runtime constraints and all, but it's almost an offense to her character having her believe in Iroha right away just because Iroha said she wouldn't die. Aaaaghh what the heck, I don't know how they could have done this better with the time on the episode but this wasn't it. I'll be eternally salty we got robbed of the full extent of alpha Iroha, too.

So yeah, I do apologize if this post sounded more salty and sarcastic than usual.

One thing I realized re-watching this though is that the reason this episode is so awkward with that character part is exactly because they halfheartedly tried to stick to the game. Yachiyo bringing back her "it's none of your account" and Iroha defeating the Rumor on her own were part of the game, but because they hadn't kept those character traits throughout the anime it falls flat here, because anime Yachiyo didn't use that almost as a catchphrase, and anime Iroha is never shown to be competent enough to take on a Rumor on her own (the opposite, in fact), so those come out of nowhere. Even last episode, Yachiyo 180ing because of what Mifuyu said comes out of the blue in the anime, because we're missing the context that she actually went back to behaving like she used to when she first disbanded her team, and anime Yachiyo didn't have the hold-up with the word "friends", at least not as clearly. On the other hand, Yachiyo being willing to accept Iroha's words right away does fit in with anime Yachiyo, who was always more soft than game version, but here it becomes awkward because they had had her acting like her game counterpart since last episode and then suddenly she snaps back to the anime self again.

What I'm trying to say here is that they should've changed this scene even more to fit the actual characters anime Iroha and Yachiyo are, rather than halfheartedly trying to force it to go the same way as in the game. That's what I think.

Besides that, Tsuruno and co.'s reaction to the truth was cut out, but I'm sure we'll get around to seeing that next season. Holy Mami's fight is cool but... I dunno. Except Sayaka reflecting that Tiro Finale, it felt really uninspired. It could've been shorter if that meant giving more time to the story, imo

Now for things I REALLY like in this episode, there's the whole sequence with Touka's speech. You might've even guessed this considering I said the dream sequence way back in episode 1 is my favorite ever. IT'S JUST SO GOOD. The constrast between Touka delivering this super charismatic discourse about magical girls, the saint of her cause being lunatic and their actions being just the opposite of the noble cause she says they're preaching is marvelous. They even manage to use this time to reveal that KaMoRe and Tsuruno and co. are on the cult. Really, really well done.

This ending tho. Iroha disappearing is the biggest anime original thing to happen besides Kuroe, so that's got me curious to see what they'll do with this. I love the game, so I have complicated feelings about the anime diverging from it, but I can't deny it's exciting to think about what they'll change up. Ultimately, it's more likely that they're just rearranging some stuff to make the progress more straightforward, but it'd be really cool if it went full anime original too. Just I'm not sure on the odds for that.

I'm sure they'll keep us on the suspense until the very last moment possible but I'm sure Iroha's not actually dead. Looking at a meta sense, there's no way they'd kill a main character off-screen. Storywise, it'd be hard to move Ui's mystery forward without the one person who remembers her and they're not just going to drop this plot, and also for Iroha to be dead Holy Mami would also need to be dead and we can't have that because they haven't even went into what's wrong with her yet. So yeah. I'll believe it when I see it. Would it be absolutely crazy if they did? Yeah, but it ain't gonna happen. (please don't make me have to bite my tongue show)

Whew, this post is long af. I didn't plan for this. I don't feel like writing a season impression because all of s1 was mostly set up for what's to come, so I can't say if it was good or bad until the series is over. Originally, I'd planned to put up another post with my theories for s2, but considering that comes out today I'm not sure there's even a point to doing it anymore lol

In any case, I hope I could provide you some fun with these posts! Being honest, the reason I decided to write this was because I've always liked to hear people's opinions on the shows I like, but I don't really have people to watch things with me, so I just read reddit and stuff. Doing that, when I was watching Symphogear s1 some years back, I stumbled across these posts of someone watching it for the first time and had a blast reading those as I watched. So I wanted to provide someone with that experience too. I'll never reach the comedic genius that person had, but I can at least keep you company while you watch :)

...these are also super useful to check back on the order of events too :v

So yeah, writing these was fun, though there were lots of parts where I really went out of ideas of what to say; it forced me to actually sit down and rewatch (or else I'd procrastinate) and made me pick up on a lot of things. That's a plus in my book.

Now that we are done with this, I hope you are as excited for season 2 as I am! I'm not sure if I'll keep writing about it here, so yeah. Whether we ever meet again or not, remember:

Don't ever make a contract with a white weasel.

#Magia Record #magireco #pmmm magia record #puella magi madoka magica side story #this post is super late #it's 7 in the morning #and I haven't slept help

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calpops · 4 years

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falling facade | c.h.

part four: falling failures

part one: falling flowers || part two: falling freedom || part three: falling fears

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Explanations were needed and time was not a luxury that Calum and Arden were afforded. Pressure from parents and media began to intensify at the release of the paparazzi photos. The ring was splashed across headlines again, the first public appearance of the new couple sparking more than Calum could have anticipated. His friends were asking questions as well and they were getting harder and harder to avoid. Missed calls piled up and the pressure of secrets sat heavy. Only a day had passed since the obligatory paparazzi walk and things were getting wildly out of hand. They couldn’t avoid it forever; that’s exactly what he told Michael when he paid the Clifford house a visit and asked to see Arden. He realized he didn’t even have his fake fiancée’s phone number and she was completely off the social media grid. They were due for answers and they were due for posts.

Management wanted to start the presence of the relationship in the public eye hard and fast and frequently and then start to taper off to convince of the eventual split. Michael nodded his understanding when Calum showed up in search of Arden; he disappeared to yell through the house for her and in just a moment Arden took his spot in the doorway. Calum could tell she was tired. Her soft hair was in a messy bun and strands fell down to frame her face. She wore an old and oversized T-shirt tucked into shorts where her hands found a home in the pockets and a mild expression captured her face with dark circles under her eyes. She leaned against the door frame and licked her lips, teeth catching in their venture and reminding Calum of momentary bliss on a dance floor.

“We need to figure some things out,” he started with and when she frowned and her knees knocked into each other he knew that was too open ended and nerve wracking of a statement to start with. “We need to get our story straight is all. We need to figure out who we’re telling what.”

“Oh. Right,” she mumbled and craned her neck to look behind her and into the house before looking back at Calum. “Not here. Please. Can we go somewhere else?”

“Of course.”

They went to Calum’s place where it was quiet and private and they could think out loud with each other, with only Duke to listen in on them. Calum could see Arden visibly relaxing from the nervous state she was in at the doorway. She sank into the plush couch and Duke surprisingly made his way over to her; let her scratch under his chin and settled at her side. Calum sat on her other side and let them both have a moment to think through the questions they knew needed to be answered.

“It’s so quiet here. I don’t think it’s been this quiet at Michael’s since, well—since I got there,” she said and let out a tired sigh. Calum wondered if the noise of so many inhabitants living in the house had interrupted her sleep. “This is nice. I can actually hear myself think.”

Calum wanted to tell her she could come over and stay whenever she liked, for the quiet. But with only four days of a fake relationship under their belts and years of not knowing each other after years of orbiting each other, he thought it might be too soon. He let her have a few more minutes of quiet, her tired eyes casted her gaze out the window and towards the mid morning sun. Her hand lazily pet Duke who careened into her side and was satiated by the touch. Calum could see her eyes were heavy with every blink lasting longer than the previous. Her feet slightly wiggled as they couldn’t quite reach the hardwood floor and short stuff affectionately made way into Calum’s thoughts. He tried to bite back a grin at the memory of her feisty dislike of what Calum might now consider a term of endearment. From there his mind sank into other memories; trying so hard to place Arden in more moments. But she had disappeared for years. He couldn’t conjure up an image of her in a concert crowd. Never saw her backstage. For some reason, she avoided the band. Calum then realized the band would be the best tool to utilize for their situation.

“I think Ashton and Luke need to know,” Calum suddenly blurted out and he wasn’t sure why or where the words came from but they killed the silence and the relaxed look on Arden’s face. “At least them. They can help with the PR stuff. It’d make it easier. They can have my back in interviews when it’s brought up. If they know the game we’re playing they can help me fill in the gaps when you’re not there. And it would get them off my back.”

Arden bit her lip and absentmindedly or perhaps with a mind full to the brim; nodded. She didn’t say anything in response immediately but turned her gaze over to Calum. He knew she was scrutinizing the situation. She looked him up and down once before speaking.

“We can tell them. You’re right. They could help,” she affirmed—Michael’s help could only go so far, it would be unrealistic for the rest of the band to be out of the loop. “But can we hold off on telling our parents? At least for a while? I don’t think I’m ready to face all of that yet.”

Calum recalled her words at the diner from the previous day. Disappoint my parents. Arden believed they wouldn’t be okay with the situation, that they would think less of her for their drunken night and reckless decisions without coherent thought processes and all that rained down on them because of it. He still didn’t have the full story to that reasoning and it didn’t seem she was wanting or willing to offer it now. He wanted to know why; to have a reason and justification for white lies and half truths to his family. But her comfortability and wants needed to be factored in as well. They had created all of this together. He found with another look at her that he couldn’t deny her of the request, not when her eyes were pleading and her lower lip was trembling. Maybe not ever.

“We can tell them we’re still trying to figure us out,” Calum supplied a half truth. In all honesty he wasn’t sure what they were to each other. “We can be vague. We reconnected while you were visiting Michael. We went to Vegas for a wedding and maybe we got swept up in the romance and got engaged. But we’re still trying to figure things out. They don’t need to know about the details.”

Or about the contracts.

“Are you sure you’re okay with that? I don’t want you to feel like you have to lie for me.”

Calum didn’t tell her that it might not feel like lying. He just shrugged and cleared his throat. She took it as a confirmation and a tired smile slowly tugged at the corners of her mouth. He couldn’t help but notice her lips were glossy and faintly remember the taste of sugar on them. It had been days since the kiss. He missed the sweetness and the soft touch. He didn’t miss the feeling of falling or wind at his back; that was ever present and all consuming. It was shifting. Some moments it was an easy and exhilarating descent through soft clouds. Other times it was a free fall filled with inhibitions and anxieties. But here, in the quiet with just the two of them and walls crumbled down and secrets able to be shared, Calum was content to enjoy the feeling.

“We can call them tomorrow,” Calum decided; knowing their parents wouldn’t be able to wait much longer. He wasn’t sure what tactics Arden was employing to hold her parents off or how much they might be hounding Michael for explanations as well. “But we are due for a post today.”

Calum knew once whatever photo they took went up there would be an influx of questions. Luke and Ashton would be on him in a second, and recognizing the house they might even drive over to get their answers. He could probably stall his parents' curiosity with some texts. Calum hadn’t even spared the comments on the initial photo any thought. He almost didn’t dare to look. He could picture them in his mind and he figured they were better left online. He was grateful Arden wasn’t online anymore. Her socials had gone dark months ago and Calum found some peace of mind from that.

“How do we do it our way?” She asked, referring to the fact they wanted to keep as much of themselves to themselves. She reveled in privacy and feared losing control of her life. Calum wanted to play the publicity game in a way they could win.

He had put a lot of thought into how to go about posting. The paparazzi photos had worked in their favor. Her hidden face and back to the camera provided a sense of security and left most of the comments circulating about the ring and the way Calum looked at her. Management had no complaints about the way they conducted the pap walk. Calum came off as protective and she was portrayed as shy. They needed to keep that narrative in their hands and on the board. They couldn’t let false claims and the wrath of the PR team take over.

“The most important thing right now still seems to be the ring,” Calum mused and took a glance down at her hand still coddling Duke with pets to see it fit to her finger. He was surprised she was wearing it; his visit was unprompted and though a post was scheduled for the day he didn't mention it before leaving. “Good thing you’re wearing it.”

“I haven’t taken it off,” she admitted with a faint blush and stalling hand. Duke let out a small whimper at the loss of contact as she brought her hand up but nuzzled into her further to make up for it. “All those people at Michael’s don’t know it’s fake. I also don’t want to lose it and get us in trouble.”

Her reasoning made sense and Calum was hit with the thought that pretending for her was a lot more permanent with the lack of privacy at the Clifford compound. It followed her everywhere. The weight of the ring was a constant reminder. At least when Calum got home he could stop pretending. Though, he was then faced with the question of how much was real and how much was fake. The ring was fake. The feelings that followed him were a whole other battle that he was entirely unprepared for.

“Next time we decide to get fake engaged, let’s pick a less hideous ring,” she said as the glare of the diamond picked up the sunlight and glinted on the couch. “I don’t know why people would want to see this thing.”

Calum smirked at the lighthearted words and the gaudy ring that was too big for her small finger. “It’s not that bad.”

Arden gave him a serious look with an arched eyebrow and a tilt of her head.

“It is pretty bad,” he admitted in a grumble of defeat. “But I’d rather the attention and scrutiny be on it.” Rather than you.

Arden seemed to understand the implications of those three unsaid words. She went to fidget with the ring but stopped herself and instead pet Duke who appreciated the attention with relaxed eyes slipping closed and a small groan. Calum couldn’t believe how well the old dog took to her. He was usually standoffish around new people. Hardly liked attention from anyone other than Calum. But he was soaking up her pets and his tail was wagging at every word she said directed to him. Calum was awestruck and an idea hit him; another way to keep Arden from taking the brunt of the attention and invasion of privacy. A way to stay themselves in the face of pretending.

“What are you thinking?” Arden asked and Calum knew she could see the wheels turning in his mind and how loudly his silence spoke in that moment.

“I know what we can do,” Calum began, then shifted to grab his phone out of his pants pocket and brought himself even closer into Arden’s side. He beckoned for Duke who hesitated a moment, wanting nothing more than to stay under the affection of Arden. But he slowly sat himself up and gave Calum a cursory glance with uninterested eyes.

Calum reached over to pick him up and when he gave a little wiggle and huff Calum laughed and placed him in Arden’s arms. She didn’t hesitate to receive the disgruntled dog or coo to him to get him happy again. Calum’s heart was warm at the exchange; a smile growing with every baby voiced word she said. The sun spilled in through floor length windows and lit her in a soft glow as Calum pulled his camera up. The ring was visible in her position of holding Duke. Sensing what was happening Arden did her best to hide her face in the embrace of Duke. Calum leaned in with his arm outstretched and the camera facing them. He gave her a small kiss on the cheek, helping to obscure what could be seen of her face. He snapped a photo and then a few more when she was grinning and Duke was set down. Calum’s arm fell and his lips hovered as Arden turned to him.

Honey and peaches and sugar were just before him. Her eyes were hooded and soft, hazel gleaming in the light and Calum couldn’t help but inch closer. He vaguely heard Duke jump off the couch and pad off to his own bed but he was too caught up in the moment to give it much more than half a thought. She blinked slowly and Calum did too and without seeing or knowing he was kissing her again. Tiny alarm bells rang in his mind but they were drowned out by the sweetness invading his senses. He didn’t care that Arden was Michael’s sister. He didn’t care that the pretenses of their relationship were fake and constructed by contracts—but real with a date and a kiss preceding all of that. All he cared about was the moment and the feeling of her lips against his. And the way his hand found its way to her jaw, fingertips light and tingling as they trailed along and his fingers tangled in her hair.

The moment was bliss and longer lived than on the dance floor. But still, all too soon she was pulling away but staying still in his hold. His eyes shot open to find hers still closed, lips pouted and pink dancing across her cheeks. Her eyes opened slowly; he saw the even rise and fall of her chest. She was calm and that reinforced the feelings of bliss Calum experienced in their brief moment. Words were evasive and meaningless when their gazes held and his fingers drifted from her hair back to her jaw. They were silent and let that speak for them. He could hear the tiny breaths escaping her. Could see her eyes dart up and down as if in contemplation of what might happen next. As Calum began to think that through—debating if he should lean in again or not—she made the decision and pulled away, leaving his hand to fall as a sigh escaped her.

“Guess we got caught up in the charade,” she said as her gaze went distant and the pink on her cheeks began to fade. She bit her lip and leaned back into the plush cushions of the couch.

“Yeah,” Calum agreed though he wasn’t too sure of that on his end.

His camera still captured the screen of his phone and a tiny photo sat in the bottom corner. It reminded him of what the moment was and what needed to be done. He pulled up his social media and found the photo where Arden was mostly hidden by Duke and Calum’s kiss. He was apprehensive and indecisive when captioning it. Arden was silent behind him, relaxed, while he was hunched over with phone in one hand and chin in the other. Settling for the less is more tactic he simply put a heart and leaned back and angled the phone for Arden’s eyes.

“Is this okay to post?”

He wanted to make sure they were always on the same page when it came to the stunt. He wanted her permission. Even though it was his profile, her comfortability of being on it was more important. She nodded and Calum hit post with his heart in his throat and sweaty palms still gripping the phone. He could still feel their kiss, could still taste sugar when he licked his lips and turned to face her. She was seemingly at ease while Calum was at war with himself.

It only took a few minutes of the post being up for the calls and texts to start piling up. Calum had called his family the previous night after he and Arden decided to hold off. He evaded their questions as best he could and said he’d explain when the time was right and they were ready. It was a sinking feeling to be engulfed in; he had never been so evasive with his family before. But it was justified to keep Arden okay. He knew they were picking up on the fact he couldn’t say things, not that he didn’t want to or didn’t trust them. But Luke and Ashton were still in the dark and seeking the light. Others had questions; a few exes popped up in search of answers, but they weren’t important.

“Should we bite the bullet and tell Ash and Luke the truth in one go?” Calum asked as his phone lit up with a FaceTime call from Ashton, again.

Arden took a moment to think it over and when a grin spread across her face and mischief twinkled in her hazel eyes Calum couldn’t help but wonder what she was thinking.

“We could have fun with it first,” she said and Calum knew exactly what she meant as she sat up.

He slid back and wrapped an arm around her, let her head rest against him and started a group call with her hand and ring in the shot; it delicately rested against his chest and he was sure she could feel the beat of his heart just like she did with her face to his chest at the wedding. It was bound to skip and thump a little harder than usual. The connection came alive at a moment’s notice and Ashton lit up the screen with his mouth already running; throwing questions around rapidly—with some choice words to highlight his confusion—until the realization Arden was right there and snuggled into Calum’s side donned on him.

“What the fuck?” Ashton’s new tirade of questioning began with an expletive. “Don’t tell me you two idiots actually got married in Vegas?”

“Married?” Luke asked as he joined the call and caught Ashton’s last sentence. “You married Michael’s sister?”

“Management must be covering it up with just an engagement. Oh god, it makes so much sense,” Ashton reasoned though he was wildly wrong. Calum and Arden stayed quiet; mildly amused by the guessing game ensuing, even egging it on by nuzzling closer together. “Nothing good ever comes from Vegas. No offense, but what the hell were you guys thinking?”

“They were probably drunk,” Luke supplied and then tacked on in a mumble. “Sure glad I don’t have a sister.”

They let Ashton and Luke simmer with comments and questions for another couple of minutes. They came in and out with Calum’s subpar internet connection. Only when the speculation started getting out of hand; wild theories of a secret relationship for months or years tumbling from their lips. Calum decided to cut them off and Arden backed away; the fun quickly dwindling and crashing back into reality.

“Guys stop. We’re not married,” Calum said in a raised voice, he thought he felt Arden flinch next to him. Once Ashton and Luke’s theories died on their lips and the connection went quiet Calum cleared his throat. “We didn’t get married in Vegas. We haven’t been in a secret relationship.”

“Then what the hell is happening?” Luke asked.

“Not married but engaged then?” Ashton questioned and blew out a huff. “Who goes to Vegas and just gets engaged?”

“We’re not really engaged,” Calum stated and eyebrows shot up in surprise as a response. They both stayed quiet on the other ends and gave time for Calum to explain. “It was supposed to be a joke, we think… We were pretty drunk. Management didn’t think it was funny. Now it’s a stunt.”

The few sentences it took to wrap up the explanation was enough. They had all had their own individual and band struggles with management and PR disasters. Calum didn’t need to offer up why management didn’t find it funny or why they had taken it so seriously they made it into a stunt. Luke and Ashton were aware of how extreme things could get in the matters of the press. In the face of maintaining or creating images. A lot of things came down to the will of management. Arden’s fear of losing control wasn’t so far fetched or fantastical. But Calum had already swore to himself he’d do anything and everything in his power to keep her from spiraling at the hands of the media and management.

Arden stayed quiet as Luke and Ashton absorbed the news and asked a few follow up questions—how long, what commitments did they sign up for, was there anything they could do to help. Calum responded in the best ways he could and kept an eye on Arden all the while. She sank back into the couch, knees resting on the cushions and fingers playing with the hem of her shorts. She was barely within the shot of the camera now. Calum dominated most of the picture and explanation. He wanted to wrap it up and get back to Arden. Craved more moments made just between them. Thoughts of the diner and a simple line drawing in red crayon and secrets slipping out like they didn’t matter captured his thoughts as the call was winding down and questions were finally answered. Ashton and Luke were on board to do whatever they could to aid them in their cause to keep playing it their way.

When Calum finally hung up he looked back at Arden. She was still and the picture of tired. Although Calum wanted to take her away again; off in search of somewhere real where more stories could be shared he could tell she wasn’t up for it. He laid back against the couch and didn’t move when she rested against him again; it was almost as if they were both working on instinct and seeking comfort from the other. He soaked up the essence of honey and sweetness and breathed her in. She let out a drawn out sigh he swore must have been a yawn she was trying to hide.

“Wanna stay here a while?” He asked just barely above a whisper and felt her nod against him.

He had no complaints for that. His day was free and the mid morning was painting a lovely picture out the window before them. The couch was comfortable and her presence made him warmer than the sun heating his skin. He had a culmination of plans for them that he could sit with in the silence. For everything fake they had to do he wanted to follow it with something real. He wanted to show Arden the sides of him that no one else got to see. Wanted to show her the places that made him feel like himself. And if in that process he got to see the sides of her no one else knew or secrets she had never shared before then that was a bonus.

They sat in a comfortable silence and position. Time slipped past unbeknownst in the quiet that surrounded them. Calum had never been one for something like this. He had never been so at ease he didn’t need words or background noise or distractions. But with only the sound of her small breaths, his heart beating a little louder than usual and the occasional snore from Duke he was convinced he was finding a liking for it. Without thinking his hand wandered to her hair. Just minutes before his fingers were tangled in the strands and his lips pressed against hers. This time he calmly stroked through the soft tresses and ate up the content sigh that escaped her. She watched out the window and he watched her until her eyes slipped closed and he allowed himself to follow her into sleep.

When they woke the sun was behind the tree line, hiding between leaves and branches that were casted in a warm and golden glow. Calum was first to wake and take a moment to gather his surroundings. The couch. A usual napping spot for him. Arden. She was still rested against him, his arm still around her and fingers falling on her collarbones where their trail of brushing through her hair ended. Duke was still in his bed but peaked up with a half interested gaze as Arden shifted as she woke. She greeted Calum with slow blinks and a slow smile crossing her face.

“I haven’t slept that well since I’ve been here,” she admitted around a yawn and a stretch; leaving Calum’s side with the motion. “I should probably get back before Michael thinks we’re up to no good.”

She reached for her phone in her shorts pocket, Calum assumed she was going to call for a car and stopped her with a hand on top of hers. “I’ll bring you.”

The car ride was quiet as they both contemplated the events of the day. The plan for their parents would need to be set into motion soon. Luke and Ashton could now help in their endeavors. The new photo was exploding with buzz and speculation. The kiss on the cheek lingered and became something much more. Their real moment when the camera and their guards dropped was tailspinning through Calum’s subconscious. Calum could see how busy Michael’s house was when they arrived. Cars spilled onto the road and people passed in the front windows. He put the car in park and caught the end of an eye roll from Arden as she took in the added company.

“Give me your phone,” Calum said quickly in a force of realization. “We need each other’s numbers.”

Arden gave him a puzzled look but handed the device over unlocked. Calum quickly added his number to her contacts and sent himself a text so he could have hers too.

“Text me whenever you want to get away from the noise,” he offered as he passed her phone back.

She bit her lip and looked down at the screen; seeing his name and the small message sent to his phone. A ring in the message box made her laugh and for the first time he noticed small dimples appearing as her smile grew.

“You’re ridiculous,” she commented as she shook her head and tapped the screen. He leaned over to see what she was doing but she angled herself away until she was done; showing his updated info to include the ring in his name. “Just in case I ever forget we’re fake engaged.”

She said it with a wink and a small giggle that filled Calum’s chest with a nervous warmth and flutter as he laughed along with her. She unbuckled but didn’t make a move for the door handle. Instead she leaned over towards Calum, a now familiar brush of her lips ghosting on his cheek as she thanked him. Calum swore he’d never tire of her gratitude though he wasn’t sure he truly deserved it. He didn’t feel like he’d done anything worthy of a thank you; but he never rejected her words or the warmth of her closeness. It was all so consuming and just a bit addictive.

“I have a feeling I’ll be seeing you soon,” she said with a pointed gaze at the colossal house filled with too many people in front of them.

“I look forward to it,” he replied with every ounce of honesty in him.

Arden left Calum with a smile and a wave when the door was shut. He made sure she got inside okay, waited to drive off until the door was shut behind her and his head stopped spinning from the overwhelming scent of peaches lingering in the car. He drove home with the windows open in an attempt to get his head above water and mind away from places it shouldn’t dive into. She said it herself; they were caught up in the charade. Everything meant nothing more than the facade they had to put on. A speck of doubt pushed its way through his thoughts; her words were drawn out and unsure. He wondered if she too was trying to convince herself of that. He couldn’t bring himself to believe it was all fake. At least not on his end. Falling failures crashed around him in plumes of smoke that threatened to choke him; his descent was becoming more and more dangerous as each smile and real moment forced him down faster and faster.

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