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sea-side-scribbles · 3 years

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Fanfiction: Sympathy For A Downer

link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22737214/chapters/83268982

Chapter 78 (FINAL)

In this comfortable position, Nick soon fell asleep. But he woke up early, a sign that he was still uneasy. By no means he wanted to oversleep the moment Arthur awoke. Quietly, he got up and went into the bathroom since he needed to knock himself into shape. A short shower later he already felt much better. He combed his stubborn hair as good as he could and submitted himself to a shave, sparing the moustache. It was still sparse, but he hoped it would have the desired effect. Together with Davey's fancy rags he felt more like Nick Lightbearer again.

Then he hurried into the kitchen to prepare breakfast. It wouldn't turn out sumptuous due to their shortage in supplies, but Nick did his best to make it delicious. Eyeing the table, he noticed that something was missing. Something that would make this special. When his searching gaze wandered to the window, he recalled that the front gardens were full of pretty flowers that no one paid attention to, so he went outside and took his pick. He decorated the table with a bright red bouquet and then viewed his own work with delight.

Shortly after, he heard Arthur call for him from upstairs: “Nick! Are you there? Nick?” He sounded upset. Nick liked it. Placing himself at the foot of the stairs, he purred his answer: “I'm right here, darling!” Arthur sighed in relief. At the same time, he felt stupid. Of course Nick wouldn't leave him like that. “Oh...good...”, he stuttered. “I won't be long...” “I'm waiting”, Nick purred back and strutted into the kitchen, cooler than he actually was. He had to calm himself down. When Arthur finally came down the stairs, he stunned Nick with his new outfit by Davey. It really suited him well. “Holy catfish! You look ravishing!” Nick kissed Arthur's hand. “You too...”, Arthur stammered. Nick smiled and skimmed along his upper lip. “You like it?” Arthur instinctively palpated the same spot. “Yes...” His voice was merely a sigh. He lifted up Nick's chin to kiss him. “Is it safe to assume that you're glad to see me?”, Nick asked with a voice as soft as silk. “Yes...”, was everything Arthur could produce.

Nick led him into the kitchen, where he gazed at the well-laid table. “Just sit down, my King. I serve you.” Arthur sat down wordlessly. “I like the flowers...”, he brought out later. “Thanks. I thought it's sad to keep them outside where we can't see them.” He put a mug in front of Arthur. “There you go, my darling.” “Nick, that's...” Nick looked at him, then at the table. “Anything missing?” Arthur almost laughed. “No...” He quickly stood up to lock Nick in his arms. “I really thought you...” He began to sob. “You won't get rid of me that easily, my King”, Nick said softly. “I don't want to get rid of you!”, Arthur sobbed. “I just want to protect you!” “I know. I feel the same”, Nick answered. “But how am I supposed to protect you if I'm not by your side? If you leave me here, you'll break my heart, you hear me? Don't do that!” Arthur pressed his eyes shut, fighting the tears. “I don't know what it is about me...why I'm running away from everyone...” “You lost your old life, too and you're still suffering. I understand. But let me comfort you. I think I made a good impact on you since we met.” “My sunshine...” Arthur smiled faintly.

They passed the time comforting each other. Soon, the town woke up and people became busy again. Also Arthur felt the need to do something. He was visibly fidgety. “Do you want to go back to your documents?”, Nick asked eyeing him. “I don't know...what would you do?” “Come along?” “This is gonna be too boring for you.” “Arthur!” “But it's true!” Nick pondered over it. “The boys said they want to see you.” “Me?” Arthur was surprised. “Yeah...If you like...They like you more than you think. It'll be fun.” “Not if we tell them our plan,” Arthur blurted out. “They need to know. Come on, seeing us like this, they can't help but have an understanding.” Arthur finally complied.

They met a few Wellies on the way, making it look almost like the town was intact again. “Is it still polite to say 'lovely day for it?', Nick asked one of them. “Could be worse”, the other man muttered. “That's true. Keep it bowling.” “You too.” “You know, I still have the feeling that we Wellies stick together”, Nick then said to Arthur. “You look like two Make Believes”, another man approached them. “What if I told you I'm Nick Lightbearer himself?”, Nick joked. “Gosh, Nick Lightbearer!”, the Wellie blurted out. “I wonder where he ended up.” “He's probably about to solve some problems...”, Nick assumed. “Yeah, probably. Good luck, you two.” Arthur was surprised how well he got along with people who would've slaughtered him a few days ago.

When they arrived in the backyard, Nick knocked at the worn out door, eyed by a curious Arthur. Brad opened it. “Ah, Nick, back in good shape, I see.” He slapped Nick's arm. “And Arthur...you look groovy, man.” “Thanks...I have the best supplier here...” He nodded into Nick's direction, who grinned. Brad let them inside. “Come in, get comfortable. The others will be back soon.” “What are they up to?”, Nick asked. “They went back to Maidenholm to fetch some of our stuff. Everything we can't get from the shop you looted.” “Hey, I only borrowed one guitar!” “Sure. You should put him on a leash, Arthur. It would save you a lot of trouble.” “I might think about it”, Arthur joked. “I'd have it's advantages”, Nick agreed. “Having to go wherever you go.” They laughed, but only Arthur and Nick understood the hint. “I suppose you're thirsty?”, Brad asked. “If you can spare something. I know we're low on supplies”, Nick said. “Alright, I'll go check. Make yourself at home.” They sat down on the couch. Nick didn't hesitate to place himself close to Arthur. “Relax. Now everyone is a Downer, just like you”, he whispered to his tense lover. Arthur gave him a helpless smile.

Then they heard the back door open again. “He'll be all eyes if he sees what we brought along”, they heard Matt say. “Bradley-boy! Look what we got!”, Chris shouted playfully. Passing by the living room he found their guests. “Oh, hello.” “Made a hit?”, Nick asked. “Yeah, just look at all that! It was still there.” Chris unloaded his guitars and equipment. Matt joined him. Nick got up to have a closer look. “How's the state of the place?”, he asked quietly. “Sad”, Chris said in all honesty. “But intact.” He took a deep breath, eyeing his loot, or rather looking at what he saw in his mind. “In fact, we could...” He paused. “But it wouldn't be the same again, right?” “No...” Chris hung his head. Arthur got up too and positioned himself next to Nick. “Oh, Arthur!” Matt noticed him. “If we knew, we would've brought you a typewriter.” “It's fine”. Arthur had to grin at that. “I have one at home.” They shook hands. “Have you seen our drummer by any chance?”, Chris asked. “He went to fetch us a drink”, Nick explained. “You left him alone in the kitchen? Oh dear...” Chris went for him.

“There's still a lot of your stuff left”, Matt said to Nick with an apologizing look. “It's okay. I need to see this place myself anyway.” “By the way...You won't believe who we met there.” “Fans?” “No...Our dear friend Hunt.” “What?”, Nick blurted out. “Hunt? Did you tell him the latest news? “He knows, but he has a hard time letting go of his old post. He was happy to hear you're alive.” “Didn't you offer him to come with you?” “We did, but he said the Parade District isn't safe for Bobbies. He's kinda right...His body height and all...they'd recognise him immediately. Poor bugger.” “But...We can't...I can't leave him there. Arthur, would you go to my old home with me and help me with this?” He looked at his lover with puppy eyes. “If he agrees...” Arthur shrugged. “Thank you. For a Bobby he's a good sort.”

Soon, Brad and Chris came back with the liquids and some snacks. When they were comfortable again and the drinks were served, Chris said: “Well, let's begin with the brutally honest conversation, shall we? Seems to be the new trend.” “I can't believe it's finally over”, Arthur admitted. He felt like a remnant of the old days. Him. As a Downer. “Have you really been a Downer?”, Matt asked as if he could read his mind. Arthur was taken aback by the question at first, eyeing the band as if they'd jump at him. He figured that Nick must've told them. “It's weird to talk about it...just like that...It's weird I don't have to hide...” “How did you hold on?” “I had no choice”, Arthur said with a shrug. “I couldn't just walk out of Wellington Wells, with all the detectors and alarm systems. I had to sneak around, come up with ideas...Coming back here was hard enough, because they dumped me in the Garden District.” “What's so dangerous about the Garden?”, Brad asked. From what he heard in Uncle Jack's shows it was a rather idyllic place where they grew fruits and vegetables and had everything they needed. “Well...there you have the plaque, toxic fog, Ploughboys that love to smash a Downer's head, the other people who are also not very fond of you if you show up in a proper suit, soldiers with bayonets who take you for a Gerry and of course the spankers.” “And the food? Are there any farms there?” “None at all...the people live of what they get to steal from the guards.” “Shit...”

“Wow, you're definitely tougher than you look!”, Chris said. “No offence.” “None taken. I had a lot of luck.” “Aw come on, Arthur, what about the arena-fight you won?”, Nick replied. “Er, that...” Arthur blushed a little. “That was your amazing fighting skills! You should've seen him taking on that white Bobby!” “I had your help there!” Arthur reminded him. “It was still awesome!” “Sounds like you should write a story about yourself.” Brad was impressed. “Perhaps” Arthur grinned meekly. “But I wasn't the only one having problems. The people in the Garden District...those that made it until now...they have a story to tell. “Do they know?” Nick asked. “Did anybody tell them?” “We haven't heard of it”. Matt replied. “I don't think the General cares much for them”, Arthur said dryly. “Or he's still full of Joy.”, Matt added. “No. He doesn't take Joy. Our dear General is above that.” The others were stunned. “No Joy?” Brad asked. “Just like that?” “He's not the only one. Doctor Verloc doesn't take it either.” “Right, he didn't look like he'd take his own drugs. He was much too moody for that.”, Nick approved. Brad leaned back. “That's a bit thick.” “And we played along”, Chris said bitterly.

“But if they knew better than us, why did they let everyone starve?” Matt was upset. “Why did they let us die out?” “I don't know”, Arthur answered. “Perhaps Victoria Byng knows or she'll find out. She's on our side.” “I hope so”, Chris sighed. “Or else we're fucked.” “They can't make us take Joy again”, Brad said sternly. “I rather die in another fight than becoming their slave again!” “Perhaps more Wellies think like that...” Arthur dreamed out loud. “Oh, Arthur, we must look like absolute morons to you! We played along all this time!” Matt eyed the floor. “I wasn't any smarter, believe me. It was pure coincidence that I went off Joy and it could've happened to any of you.” Arthur actually wasn't reproachful for a reason he didn't really understand. “I'm not better than you.” “Well...I guess we can only wait now...”, Brad sighed. “Let's hope it won't backfire”, Chris said. “I don't want a new Committee that kills everyone who dares to smile.” “Don't you have a vivid fantasy!”, Nick blurted out. “Remember me to never let you tell me a bedtime story.” “I'll kill everyone who tries to suppress me.” Brad scowled. “If they dare...” “They can't do that again. They went too far.” Matt was determined now. “They can't prevent us from finding a way out, sooner or later”, Nick pointed out. “Many people are digging in the tunnel or looking for another way...and those who stay won't submit.” “In any case, not us!”, Chris decided. “No way!” Nick agreed. “I won't start now”, Arthur added. “I'm done with it, too”, Matt said. “I want to see them try”, Brad repeated. “We should drink to that!”, Nick cheered. They did with pleasure.

“Now let's dream a bit...”, Chris said some time later. “What if the tunnel opened one day? Where would you go?” Arthur's face fell. “I'll go to Germany...” “Arthur!” Chris shook his head as if he was talking to a stubborn child. “You have to go to France! Paris! The city of love!” “Or how about the Maldives? Reputedly, people went there on holiday but most likely nobody of us had ever been there,” Matt proposed. “But islands again?” “Pretty islands.” “They remind me too much of this town. I want to go to a place I can easily leave when I have enough.” “So, the moon falls flat”, Brad deadpanned. Chris laughed. “That's not an option.” “How do you know?”, Matt asked. “Perhaps it's already settled and we're the last ones to notice!” Nick gave Arthur a pitiful look while the others were dreaming out loud.

“I have to find my brother...”, the former reporter said quietly. The others fell quiet. “Your brother is in Germany?” Chris had a suspicion. “He was in the train...There's at least ten places where he could have spent his childhood...I need to find him, even if it takes my whole life...” “So, your adventure continues?” Brad asked. “It's not over yet...”, Arthur muttered. “But this time he has me”, Nick announced, putting his arm around his lover and squeezing him. The room was silent for another second. “Well...that's odd...I almost got used to you again”, Chris said to Nick. “How do you plan to get there?”, Brad asked. Arthur and Nick looked at each other. “We don't have a plan yet”, Nick admitted. “We'll figure that out while finding a way off this island”, Arthur added. “Maybe we'll meet there some day...Germans might like music, too”. Nick smiled. “Sure. We become a marching band and learn yodelling...We'll be the greatest stars in Germany,” Chris joked. They laughed.

“Jokes aside, it's not too far away. We'll be close”, Brad stated. “You can visit us any time”, Nick said. “With pleasure, as soon as you moved into your estate on Lake Constance...”, Chris answered. “Not any sooner, eh? Spoilt snobs! I'm glad I don't have to put up with you anymore.” Nick crossed his arms. “Have fun with him, Arthur.” Once again, they laughed over the finality of their decision. Arthur had counted on them to try to change their mind, at least winning Nick over. Instead they had just accepted it. Also Nick hadn't hesitated to tell them his plan. The whole thing looked settled and still Arthur felt unwell.

“What will you do?” “Well...in all honesty...we don't know...or do you?” Brad passed the question to Matt and Chris. “I keep making plans and abandoning them again”, Chris said. “What's to plan anyway?” Matt found. “We don't know the world outside.” “We should collect a few informations before leaving”, Brad said. “We'll come up with something”, Chris assured Arthur. “Don't worry about us. We made a living here and we'll make it outside as well.” “Or we stay until we're filthy rich and go for a world tour”, Matt said. “Then we pick you up.” “I like that plan”, Nick agreed grinning. Arthur let himself get carried away and smiled too, but he was deep in thoughts. “At any rate, you're as stubborn as Nick.” “I take that as a compliment.” Chris laughed. Like this, they had an actually good time. Arthur hadn't had such honest and joyful company in the past few years, but he noticed how Nick and the band understood each other nearly without words. It made him wonder if he even had an equally close bond to Nick.

One time, Nick went into the kitchen to collect replenishments. Chris followed him and suddenly grabbed Nick by the shoulders. “Now you're leaving me, just when I begin to like you, you little bastard!”, he hissed and shook Nick slightly. “Make sure you become a star this time, so I don't have to come back to run the show for you!” Nick replied insistently. “Ah...that's what it's about...” “Exactly! Don't disappoint me, you hear me? Don't think I can't keep an eye on you just because I'm in another country!” Chris nodded. “You'll hear from me.” “I hope so”, Nick said less jokingly. “I'll miss you, little one...” “I'll send you postcards. In German.” “Great...So I can't even read them.” Nick pulled Chris into a short and tight embrace. “What's taking you so long? We're thirsty.” Brad came in. “There comes the gooseberry...” Chris let go and viewed Nick's face. “Any love bruises? No? Good...” “You cheaters!”, Brad shouted. “And Arthur sits right next door, I can't believe it!” Nick quickly backed away from his fellow guitarist. “You're silly, both of you”, he said pouting. “What did I do?” Chris played upset. “You're a bad kisser.” “You prick!” Chris lifted up his hand as if he wanted to slap him. Brad burst out in laughter. Then Matt and Arthur came in. “Don't drink it all alone, we have a guest!”, Matt shouted. When Arthur asked Nick what happened, he only shook his head. It made Arthur doubt their bond even more.

When they went home, Nick was still in a good mood, but it could've been the alcohol, too. “See, it all went well”, he said confidentially. “They're good chaps, they want nothing but our best.” Arthur wondered if Nick had drunk so much for a reason. "They are, but are you really ready to leave them?" "I am! I already told you!" Shortly after, Nick seemed to be sorry for his rough answer because he put an arm around Arhtur's shoulder and softly whispered: "Come, I'll show you something..."

Arthur asked himself if Nick should rather lay down and sober up, but he didn't want to ruin this for him. He let him lead out of town. When they approached the bridge, Arthur tought they'd go back to Hamlyn Village, but then Nick went straight to the handrail and climbed over it. Then he offered his hand for help. Arthur took it with pleasure. He soon understood why Nick brought him here. The place looked similar to their Garden District. It was a rawer landscape, with rocks spread over the meagre grass, but it still had it's magic. A glimpse of freedom that Arthur felt especially at the sight of the ocean. He remembered standing on Britannia Bridge and caught himself wishing he could show it to Nick. Being alone with him like this, enjoying the silence around them, only the rushing of the wind instead of the noise and hubbub that usually surrounded Nick, he suddenly had the feeling that they shared a closer bond that nobody else could break. Nick moved so casually within the silence as if he didn't need anything more. Here, Nick was just himself and seemed to be happy. Arthur noticed just now that he was still holding Nick's hand.

"It's a beautiful place", he said eventually. Nick gave him an eased smile. "I figured it'd be nice to have a moment for ourselves", he said quietly. "I like these moments." "Yeah, me too", Arthur answered just as quietly. Then he bit his lower lip, pondering if he should say what lay on the tip of his tongue. And how. "But would they be enough?", he then dared to ask. Nick didn't answer promptly. He seemed to think about it despite his current state. Arthur was glad that he took the question seriously.

"You know...looking back at my life, at everything that happened to me, everything I still see in my dreams..." Nick paused to gaze into the distance, slowly letting out the air as if he was letting go of a heavy weight. "I like the silence", he concluded and Arthur believed that he was feeling this way right now. "There's a lot I didn't tell you yet, Arthur", he went on and Arthur hung at his every word. His soft voice comforted him. "We spoke about my past with the band a couple of times but for your interviews I could only tell you the good things...I had good times, of course, and I don't want to forget any of them ever again. But in most situations I couldn't make my own decisions. I noticed it in the past few days when I was talking to the lads...I didn't know what was happening around me, I didn't look through other people's plans, I was tossed about by fate, I fell between the cracks...It was always loud around me, I barely had time to think about what happened and what I really wanted. I don't want to live like this anymore. I want to be aware of what I'm doing. I want to make my own decisions. I want to enjoy every minute, just like this very moment. It's gonna be a new start. You gifted me a new life and I want to live it." He said the last words insistently.

Arthur remembered how he found Nick. He had lost control over his life long ago and he had no greater wish than to get it back. It was fitting. "You could try to become famous by your own decisions", Arthur proposed. "I could, but like that I'd only repeat myself", Nick said calmly. "And how it ends, I know that too. I don't know if I want that again...so soon...And if it doesn't work out, I don't know if I can bear to see me fail...It's bringing up so many memories...I want to try something I can't compare myself to." Arthur let his gaze wander along the weathered rocks. "And if you don't like your new life?", he asked quietly. Nick looked at him. "Then I at least tried." Arthur gave a meek smile. He in turn had no greater wish than to take Nick with him, who supported him and cheered him up. But... "We won't be free", he replied. "We'd have to do all it takes to find Percy, no more, no less. We'll have a mission, so to say..." "We'll have a firm goal", Nick said. "A simple, understandable task. That's good." He nodded.

Why did Arthur feel like personificated chaos while Nick kept a clear head? Arthur's head was spinning. He noticed how Nick eyed him from the side. "What is it, Arthur? Tell me the truth. Do you want to leave me?" Arthur's expression was painful. "No, but..." "You think you don't deserve it", Nick said. "You think it's your fault, your problem and you have to go through with it on your own." Arthur almost winced. The analysis was scarily exact. "You showed me that I'm worth loving. Why can't I show you that you deserve to be happy? I want to comfort you when you're sad, I want to support you when you doubt yourself and I want to help you when you're in trouble. Let me do this, if you must, do it for my sake. I need you, Arthur." His green eyes lay on Arthur, who could barely stand the look. He began to shiver. "Nick, I also didn't tell you everything, but I'm afraid I must, or else I can't look into your eyes ever again." Nick fell quiet and waited. Arthur crossed his arms and turned away. "It's my fault that Percy was brought to Germany. He wasn't even on the list, but me...We went to the station together, he wanted to come along, just because he didn't want to abandon me. He was so trusting and didn't fear for himself..." Arthur gulped. "I posed as him....I acted as if I only went along to say goodbye to my younger brother...I made it back out like this, but I saw how they pushed him into the train...he called out for me...he was so afraid..." Arthur fought back tears. "Now I wish I was there..." He fell silent, sobbing and waiting for Nick's judgement.

“How old have you been?” Nick asked quietly. “Twelve....Still young enough for the train And Percy was one year older...” “You've been a child, Arthur.” “I knew exactly what I was doing!” Nick didn't say any more. He hugged him from behind and held him close. Arthur clung to Nick's arms. “Why are you doing this?”, he asked after a while, letting go and eyeing Nick meekly. “Aren't you upset?” “Just look at you”, Nick answered. “You're not a child anymore. The man who's standing in front of me now wouldn't do this.” “But it still happened...” “You changed”, Nick insisted. “If it wasn't for you I couldn't judge you in the first place.” Nick kissed his cheek. “I'm glad you're here.” “It's not about me, Nick! I have to find him! I should've never dragged you into this!” Arthur winded. “And what do you do if you find him?” “I'll think about that later.”

“Arthur...Percy isn't a child anymore...He's leading his own life by now...Who'll keep you company if you find him and suddenly lose your only purpose in life? Who'll give your life a new meaning?” Arthur hung his head. “And if he didn't make it?” “Also then”, Nick said without mercy. “Who'll comfort you?” Arthur struggled to hold back tears. He wondered how on earth he deserved such a stubborn and affectionate man at his side. He couldn't simply push him away. “Nick, if you don't like it anymore, if you believe you made a mistake, you can go! You can go anytime!” Nick put his hands back on Arthur's shoulders. “This is an offer I can accept...”, he said quietly. He ran his hands along his upper arms, making Arthur's body tingle at the sensation. With Nick, he just didn't feel like he'll end up as shark bait while Nick drank margaritas on a desert island. Nick wouldn't give up on him, search the entire ocean if he had to and take him back to his island. Arthur already felt like he was there. He leaned closer to Nick and for a long while nothing happened other than their extensive kissing. Then Nick sat down on the grass and looked up to Arthur, inviting. “Here? Now?”, Arthur hissed. Nick took his hand and pulled him down.

Lying in the grass, Arthur found his body covered in kisses. Nick was eager to spoil every spot of him. Arthur's cheeks were salty from the tears he had shed, but Nick kissed them all away. Arthur winded giggling and gasping. His body tickled and his heart fluttered. The grass was cold, so was the air, but Nick's love bites warmed him. When his heated blood pounded in his veins, he pressed Nick down. He adored the soft foam that was growing along his upper lip, that would soon be a full Lightbearer moustache, and caressed it with his lips, before he placed a craving kiss on it. He wasn't shy with his tongue anymore. He wasn't shy with almost anything, causing Nick emit a noise that sounded like a purr. Then it was time for Arthur to redden Nick's skin with his teeth. Nick gasped, running his hands along Arthur's tights. Arthur bit him gently, his tongue massaged the sour spots right after. Arthur thanked him with every kiss, every gesture, overwhelmed by the promise he had just made.

Nick was so happy, he felt butterflies all over his body and his heart was about to jump out of his chest. He adored to see his Arthur in action and was looking forward to many, many more moments like this. With pleasure he felt Arthur expose him and skim along his lower back without shame. Nick moaned just as shamelessly when he felt Arthur shove a finger inside him. His body shivered, he pressed himself against it, begging Arthur to massage him. His blood was pounding in the right spot as his lover went along. Aroused like this, Arthur felt ready. He held Nick close while his thrusts massaged him more. Nick's quiet whimpers were music to his ears. Arthur climaxed quietly, with his hands curled into Nick's hair and his head pressed against his chest. He relaxed like that for a while, receiving kisses on his head from Nick. Then he began to feel the chill on his naked skin and decided to put his clothes back on. Nick followed him shortly after.

They walked home slowly and peacefully, with their arms wrapped around each other, holding themselves as if the could barely stand. At the bridge, Arthur promptly lifted Nick up and carried him over the rail. Nick's expression after putting him back down was priceless. In town they walked next to each other as if they were friends, but if someone had paid attention to their looks they would've known better. At home, they both had a hot bath before they put themselves to bed.

The next day, Arthur didn't intent to wake Nick up early. His lover was most likely exhausted after everything he had been trough. Arthur himself was tired as well. The day wasn't quite inviting either, being cloudy and dark. The drizzle moistened the windows with tiny drops. It was the perfect weather to stay inside, have a hot chocolate and relax. But Arthur was still restless. He didn't feel well, just sitting around and hoping for the best. He was used to nothing good happening as long as he didn't do it himself. That was why he sat at his kitchen table, absorbed in his thoughts and forgetting to drink his coffee. The house was so quiet he could hear the clock ticking that hang on the wall next to the fridge. The radio had stopped playing the happy jingle that would normally start every day in Wellington Wells. He could just as well bin it, but he hesitated to change anything in this house. To make himself comfortable in it. After all, it was supposed to be only a stopover before they would go on their journey. But to make it that, he had to do something. After Arthur had walked back an forth in between the kitchen and the living room for a while, he couldn't bear it any longer. He wrote a letter to Nick and put it next to him on his pillow. He hoped to be back before his long sleeper woke up. Then he put on his coat, opened the brolly with the colourful pattern and went outside.

Nick woke up much later, feeling cosy, lolling and stretching out. He was completely refreshed. He remained in the bed a little while longer after noticing that Arthur had already gotten up, listening if he could hear him downstairs. It was very quiet. No footsteps, no clanking of the dishes, only the silent pattering of raindrops on the window. Nick sat up, thereby noticing the letter.

Nick darling, I'm on the move again. I need to make sure we're getting out of here. Don't worry about me and take a rest. I'll be back soon. I love you! Arthur

Nick stared at it. It sounded loving, of course, and not if Arthur had had any bad intentions. Still, it bothered him. Nick was sure that he couldn't expect Arthur to wait for him to awake from his sleeping beauty sleep, and Nick had been really tired, he admitted that. Still...why couldn't they go together? Was it really too necessary to wait? Did Arthur fear that Nick would spoil it? Or be bored? Nick rumpled the paper and let it fall on the table. What are you doing to me, Arthur?, he thought sadly. Then he told himself he should trust him. That he had a good reason to do it. That there'll be a good explanation for all this. He sighed. However, he was alone now. Take a rest. How was he supposed to relax while Arthur was out there facing who knows what? He just had to play the hero again.

Nick left the bed. He couldn't sit around and wait anyway. He needed a distraction and perhaps he could even do something useful as well. On the way downstairs he remembered Hunt. Of course, his Bobby, who in a way was also his friend. If Arthur couldn't help him, he had to do it on his own. He couldn't leave poor Hunt to rot in his old home. He left a note for Arthur and went into the cold and moistly weather.

This time he went to the bridge to actually cross it. He knew the way by heart, still it felt strange. Walking by the counter where normally a Constable would control the passports, he found it empty. He went along the bridge all alone, then Maidenholm greeted him in all it's silence. It looked like a ghost-town. Nobody had cleaned up this place. Old newspapers lay in puddles or flew by in the wind. He saw rats gathering the leftovers from the pantries of the houses. The gardens were abandoned, all windows closed. In his best days, Nick had known every face in his district. A few of them had been in the church. He could only guess where the rest had ended up. How many of them had been chased into the Garden District, without him noticing? The rainbow-coloured road looked more pale than he remembered. All houses had been more colourful as well. Did he only imagine this? Still, the town could be beautiful. Perhaps this place would be populated again. He would definitely bring it up next time he was in the church.

His own home after all occurred dusky and not very welcoming to him, even though he had liked visitors in the old days. The red carpet was greasy. The former bright red was vaguely perceptible. Nick made a few steps until he noticed that someone sat in front of the door, cowering and visibly sleeping. Under the canopy he was protected from the rain, but still it must be cold and uncomfortable. The uniform definitely had seen better days. He had taken off his helmet and the blonde hair told Nick that it was indeed Hunt.

“Hunt?”, Nick tried. When the man didn't answer, Nick grabbed his shoulder and shook him a bit. The man finally awoke with a grunting noise and then looked around frantically. He seemed to back away from Nick, even though his body was already pressed against the door. “Don't worry, it's just me, Nick”, Nick reasoned with him. “The band told me you're here.” “Nick?”, Hunt stammered. “Mr. Lightbearer?” His eyes widened and he went back up on his feet. He grabbed his arm tightly, so that it stung. “I'm so happy to see you alive!” “You know, a cat has nine lives...”, Nick played it down, massaging his arm. “What are you doing here?” “Er...well...” He shrugged. “I don't really have another place to go...I'm lucky enough, escaping the Parade and all...Here, it's a safer place for the likes of me.” “Perhaps the Parade calmed down. People stopped fighting and they have other worries now.” “Yeah, Mr. Reid told me something like that, too. You know, it's different with the other Wellies. They didn't know what they did...” “You neither.” “Blackberry Joy isn't the same as normal Joy. It doesn't make you forget...We had to keep a clear head. Who else could push through law and order?”, Hunt admitted contritely, leaning against the door and hiding his face. “I knew and I only watched...” “You couldn't stop that easily”, Nick opposed. Hunt gave another shrug and made a helpless sound. “You only guarded my house!”, Nick said with emphasis. “Yeah...after working night shifts for a long time...I can't get the bloody jingle of the Jubliators out of my head...” Nick understood how he felt. “You don't have to torture yourself though. Go inside and warm up.” “My place is out here.” “From now on you have a larger field! Go inside and warm up, that's an order!” He raised a smile from the taller man. “Well...won't do any harm...”

Nick followed him inside. “Oh”, he noticed. “We should let some air in...” “Aye, sir.” “Has it always been that dusty?” Nick remembered that his last charlady had given up months ago. Besides that, everything looked the same. Nick ascended the stairs to his bedroom and looked inside. The same as always. Nick was suddenly undecided about what he intended to do here. He gave his golden records a wistful look. He'd miss them probably. But what use would they be in Germany? Then he recalled something else that was located in this floor. Back in the corridor, he opened a door to a smaller bedroom. It took a lot of effort to go inside. Too many memories were collected here, shattered dreams and pain. But also one memory he wanted to keep. He went to the desk and lifted up the little frame, not without looking at the photo as well. Arthur would allow it, right? It was his past after all. Nick put the frame into his pocket and left the room with a heavy heart. Before he closed the door, he hesitated. He felt like Morrie had called out for him. But that was impossible. Surely, it was only a plank that had creaked. He finally closed the door. In the second floor he found his iconic blue guitar and shouldered it. Then he had everything he wanted.

Back downstairs, he found his Constable sitting at the kitchen table in a sunken down position. The window was open. The look Hunt gave him made Nick ask: “Do you really want to stay here?” “I want the old days back, when this place was full of life.” “Now the Parade is where the action is. You could try to find a new home there. I can help you.” “And I could guard you...on you way back...yeah, I could do that...” The tall man stood up and closed the window. Nick was pleased with himself. Stepping outside, he took a deep breath, waiting for the Bobby. Hunt locked the door when he went out. Nick asked himself if anyone would loot this house. If so, they'd probably look for food. Who would still care about Nick's underwear?

Walking through Maidenholm, the district was as empty as it had been before. No one crossed their path. To the empty counter Hunt said: “Ah, Constable Johnson...well...He's always been kind of an arse...I guess he had it coming...” “He could be in the Parade”, Nick replied. “Maybe...”, Hunt said less optimistically. In the Parade District however they met multiple Wellies and received their mistrust. “Where do you think you're going?” Nick placed himself in front of Hunt. “We can go wherever we like. Did you forget?” “That doesn't apply for his kind”, the Wellie glared at Hunt. “He's clearly a Bobby! He doesn't even try to hide it!” “We don't want any Bobbies here!”, another man approached them. “And also no friends them!”

“You don't have to be afraid of him”, Nick persisted. “Hunt did no more than guarding my home for years. He's a good guy.” “Guarding your home?” The Wellie spit on the cobblestone. “That's neat. Must've been some big shot to afford this. Maybe Executive Committee?” “No, I'm not that relevant. I only lived in Maidenholm.” “So what? That doesn't prove anything! Your Bobby is making you suspicious!” “I never had any power! I'm just a musician!” For the first time they took notice of his outfit “You're a Nick Lightbearer lookalike?” “No, I'm Nick Lightbearer himself.” That made them fall quiet for a second. “Nick Lightbearer, eh? The one who distracted us with jolly tunes while we were starving?” “Who told us to take Joy with his songs?” “Who led us to believe everything was right as rain?” The Wellies came closer, not any less angry than before. More joined them. Hunt gave Nick a questioning look, but Nick shook his head. “I didn't know better than you! I took Joy just like all of you! What was wrong about cheering you up? That's what I always wanted, long before we started to take Joy! I never meant to force you into anything and as long as some of you like my music, I'll play it!” “Nick Lightbearer?”, another Wellie shouted. “That's Nick Lightbearer?” More Wellies came and the atmosphere shifted drastically. Suddenly, the thugs were outnumbered. “Alright, you won for now. But if we catch your Bobby red-handed...”, one of them implied before he took to his heels. “Nicky! Sing a song for us! We love you, Nick!” Hunt looked at him again. “Are we running now?”

Nick agreed and soon they ended up far away from the bridge. They escaped the fans and carefully made their way to the alley of the Make Believes. “I'd like to take you to my place, Hunt, but it's too close to the main road. We better hide in the band's house for now.” “So, you split up again?” “We're still friends. It's just...I'm living with Arthur now. You remember him?” Hunt didn't have to think for long. “The friendly reporter?” “Yes, him.” “Would he want a Bobby close-by?” “He doesn't have much of a choice, now that my fans know I'm alive”, he joked. “Chin up, you're a good chap, believe it or not.”

Brad answered the door again. “Hey, uh...could we hide in your house for a while?” Nick pointed at his company. Brad understood. Inside, he asked: “How bad is it?” Hunt and Nick eyed each other. “It's me...I got recognised...” Nick scratched his head. Promptly, someone knocked at the door. Nick and Hunt winced. Brad set himself into motion again. He was surprised to find a complete stranger outside. “I'm sorry...May I speak to Mr. Lightbearer? I really need to see him!” “I'm sorry too, here's no Mr. Lightbearer!” Brad slammed the door shut. “How many followed you?”, he shouted walking back to Nick. “Nobody”, Nick said meekly. “I can confirm that, Mr. Wilson! Nobody escapes my eager eyes. This fan eluded me!” “Brad?”, they heard Matt's voice. He came running down the stairs. “Brad? Have you seen the crowd in our front garden?” He came into the living room and found Nick and Hunt being abashed. “Oh, no! Are they after you, Hunt?” Brad crossed his arms. “They want Nick.” Matt looked at the still famous enough star who smiled helplessly. Outside, the crowd began to call for their idol. It wasn't long until Chris ran into the room. “What makes them think Nick is here?” Then his gaze fell on Nick and drew the conclusion. “Why am I not surprised?” “We should've been more cautious about his outfit”, Brad commented. The Wellies began to knock at the door again. “Nick! Sing a song for us!”

“Should we wait until they bugger off?” Matt wasn't convinced himself. “I can go, then you're free”, Nick offered. “They'll tear you apart!”, Brad shouted. “Why not?”, Chris muttered. Brad gave him a look. Chris ignored it and approached Nick. “If they want a spontaneous show, why not giving them one?” “Can we?” Nick asked without hesitation. It seemed to be the easiest way out. “Yeah, we got everything from your house.” “And how do we keep them from breaking in to see us?” Matt wanted to know. Chris thought about it. “We have a flat roof we can access...people could see us there.” “Is that safe?”, Hunt asked. “I'm not excited about fighting off the poor sods who climb up the walls.” “It's quite high. Nobody should climb up there”, Brad mused. “So, it's settled?”, Chris asked. “Hell, yeah!”, Nick shouted. They hurried while Hunt locked all doors and windows. When the band finally arrived at the roof the crowd went wild. “Did anybody see my Joy?”, Nick asked, seemingly nervous. The others stared at him. “I'm kidding.” Nick grinned Their first song rang out in the entire district.

Arthur couldn't express how he felt when finally the light came through. The dark tunnel that had occurred to him as if it lay hundreds of miles below ground level, an unscalable prison for every Skipper, suddenly lit up. Little fluffs danced in the air, glittering like diamonds. For a while it was silent. The rain had stopped and in the bright blue sky above them they saw fluffy white clouds pass by. Then the noise broke loose. The workers cheered, danced, cried out their relief. It was infectuous. Arthur had to laugh too, patting other Wellie's shoulders. They made it! Finally! He could see the fatigue of multiple sleepless nights in their eyes. It had been worth it.

Arthur slowly progressed, walking by the celebrating Wellies, but as soon as he was alone again, he ran as fast as he could, following the rails. He climbed out of the ravine and abruptly came to a halt. The whole town was emptied. He had feared that a crowd would scramble for the tunnel, but no one had noticed. From afar, he heard music that, after a further analysis, couldn't come from a radio. Was that...? Arthur's heart pounded after running and climbing. Or was it because of the music? He followed it and after a while, he met Wellies walking into the same direction. “Oh, no...” The crowd was getting bigger. They were all here, looking up for some reason. Further away, on a roof, Arthur recognised Nick. He was back in his element. Without Joy. Arthur was proud of him, but he also felt melancholic. Did it change everything?

Arthur wanted to reach him before anyone else noticed that the tunnel was open, but his gaze wandered helplessly along the masses. It was impossible to get through there. And then he couldn't simply walk through the door without letting everyone in. But wait...wasn't that the same house...? Sure, why would they carry their instruments any further? Arthur went a devious route, always watching out for fans, until he arrived in the backyard. But of course the door was locked. At first he knocked, but as expected, nothing happened. Who was supposed to hear it anyway? Desperately, he hammered against the door, fearing to alarm the whole district. “It's me, Arthur! Let me in!” When he felt ridiculous already, someone actually opened. It was a very tall man. The white shirt and blue trousers seemed to be the remnants of a uniform. “Arthur? Mr. Hastings?” Arthur gasped. “C...Constable Hunt?” The old escape reflex kicked in, but Hunt grabbed in and pulled him inside. Then he looked the door again, securing it with a chain around the handle and a dresser shoved in front of it. “I need to see Nick...” He felt the need to explain. “Go ahead, he's on the roof.”

Arthur ran upstairs. His heart was still pounding. When he heard that they had just finished a song, he went outside. Carefully avoiding the cables, he made his way to Nick who was talking to the other guitarists. Arthur put a hand on his shoulder, making Nick wince and turn around. Arthur's expression alarmed him, so he put the guitar down and followed him back inside. Nick waited for him to speak, so Arthur blurted out: “The tunnel is open!” “Wha...really?” Nick began to beam. “You made it?” “Come, I show you”, Arthur said. Or was it more likely a question? “You want to leave now?” Nick looked startled. “No, only show you, before they realise it and the place gets crowded.” Arthur's eyes begged. It seemed like Nick would only reluctantly go. Arthur prepared for a refusal when Nick said: “Okay. Just let me give the word.” With that, he went to talk to the band, but came back shortly after with an expectant look. Arthur was looking forward to leave this noisy place and he was even happier that Nick went with him. They sneaked out of the backyard after Hunt had opened up for them and went another devious route, hiding and watching. “This is like the old days”, Nick whispered gleefully.

Like this, they reached the ravine and climbed inside. Nick had never thought they'd conquer this again. From the bottom up it looked less intimidating. When they went into the tunnel, Nick began to feel a little queasy, watching the ceiling as if it could collapse any second. Arthur noticed and took his hand. Nick gave him a thankful look, then they went on. Nick's footsteps were more determined now. He was also surprised when the tunnel lit up and couldn't avert his gaze from the beams of sunlight breaking through. He stared at the sky just as stunned as Arthur had been, at least he found that there was a certain resemblance. But this time, Arthur took the first steps towards the light. He still held Nick, who cautiously climbed after him. Back outside, also Arthur was overwhelmed. The horizon was bright and clear. He could look much further than before. The land that had been purely black and vaguely shaped, now exposed a coastal cliff, meadows and forests. The bridge went all the way to there, it's end vanished somewhere in the distance.

“Wow!”, Nick produced. “This is the mainland? Just like that?” He pointed at the horizon. Arthur nodded. “And you wanted to go all the way on foot?” Nick pointed at the bridge and grinned. Arthur had to grin, too. He went a few steps with Nick, until they were surrounded by nothing but the ocean. Arthur rested his elbows on the handrail and Nick did the same. “Do you smell that? No Motilene, no chemical waste...” Arthur took a deep breath. Nick closed his eyes and breathed in as well. “This is the real world, huh?”, he asked after enjoying the fresh air. “Yeah...a part of it...” “Can't wait to see more...”, Nick whispered. Arthur was happy to hear that. He beamed at Nick. “And from here you came back to me?” Nick turned around, leaning his back against the rail in a nonchalant manner. The wind had already ruffled his hair. Arthur would've loved to take a photo of him now. “Yeah...”, Arthur felt flattered. “It must've been hard for you.” “Actually, it wasn't...I couldn't leave you like that...” “You have a way of disappearing and coming back...” Arthur smiled helplessly, clutching the rail.

Nick eyed the stony floor, pondering. “Arthur...”, he then said. His tone alarmed Arthur. “Why did you leave me this morning?” Nick gave him an urgent look. Arthur stared at the horizon. “Because...because I had to do this alone...” “You wanted to punish yourself again?” “No...You were tired...You needed to rest and I didn't plan to be gone for long...Then one thing led to another and...I'm sorry...” “So you wanted to protect me?” “Yeah...” “Why?” “Just look at you!”, Arthur shouted desperately. “I can't let anything happen to you!” “You put yourself in danger?” Nick became louder. “No!”, Arthur quickly replied. “Well...not more than usual...Nick, I have to put myself in danger every day! Me and...others to....But you...I can't let anything happen to you...”

“Arthur, this is over! You're not a Downer anymore, nobody's chasing you for what you are and you're not alone! I understand that you're used to this, but we have to move on! I'm not a spoiled rockstar you have to spare! I'm your partner! You hurt me when you run off all alone! The tunnel could've collapsed! Your old boss could've changed her mind and kidnapped you! And I wouldn't know where you are! How could you do this to me?” Arthur couldn't come up with a good answer. “The worst you can do to me is disappearing, you hear me? If you put yourself in danger, I want to be at your side! I want to know where you're going if we really have to split up!” Nick had shouted the last words. He was really upset. Arthur hadn't seen him so angry before. “I'm sorry, Nick...I didn't think about it this way...I just had to do something...I'm sorry, please don't tell me I fucked this up...” Arthur was at the edge of tears. Nick promptly embraced him, noticing how much he needed it himself. “Ssshh...don't panic...I still love you...” They held still like this and and slowly calmed down.

“Don't do it again, okay?”, Nick said quietly. “Okay...I promise...”, Arthur whispered meekly. “It's hard not to see you as a star...” “But you've seen my real self...” Nick recalled something. “It's the name, right?” His face fell. “I know your name isn't 'Lightbearer'”, Arthur disagreed. His partner averted his gaze. “But it's also not 'Nick'.” Arthur was really taken aback. It felt so natural to call him 'Nick'. No other name seemed to fit. He even looked like a 'Nick'. “I never meant to keep it a secret. You have the right to know the truth, but there never was a fitting moment...” He faced Arthur again. “My name is Norbert. Norbert...Pickles...If you need to laugh, just do it...” Nick crossed his arms, dropped his gaze and waited. Arthur wouldn't be the first. Some people knew his name, from gossip or any other source. Their reaction was mostly the same. “I don't know why I should laugh...It's just a name.” Arthur came closer. “It never bothered me...But after years of being The Lightbearer...”, Nick explained and shook his head. “It's hard to look at it the same way again.” He looked back up to his lover. “You don't have to use it...But you can...Just do as you like...” Arthur felt that he'd need a while to get used to it. Still, he felt that the other man had just tightened their bond. “Thank you for telling me the truth...Even thought you're still 'Nick' to me...” “Thanks for not laughing.” Nick smiled his adorable smile. Arthur cupped his cheeks and kissed his hair.

They enjoyed their moment some more before they started back. Arthur was glad not to meet anyone yet. Back in town, they still heard The Make Believes perform. “Good idea...that concert...people love it”, Arthur stuttered. “We didn't really have a choice.” Nick chuckled. “It doesn't change anything?” Arthur eyed him carefully. “Nothing at all”, Nick confirmed. They silenced, listening. “Do you want to finish it?”, Arthur asked. “If you agree?” Nick didn't urge him. Arthur smiled meekly. “Just go for it, my Golden God.” He gave him a slap on the lower back. “I'll take care of you when you come home.” Nick beamed and ruffled Arthur's hair. “Until then, my tall boy.” After a passionate kiss, Nick hurried to join his band.

Arthur stayed outside for a while, watching Nick proudly, then he obeyed his tired body and went home. There he prepared for his journey, at least emotionally. He realized that not only Nick left his old life here, but also himself and he looked for something to keep. After deciding for the medal that he had brought from his former hideout and the documents about Percy he had to keep anyway, he put the few objects on his night table and lay down on his bed. A few moments later he dropped off.

Nick was excited. The noise of their last song was still ringing in his ears. The last applause had doped him. And now this! He had to tell Arthur! His rash footsteps echoed in the night, but he wasn't afraid. The show had ended long ago and the fans had gone back home. Out of breath, he reached Arthur's home and hurried into the corridor. There, the light was out. “Arthur?” He flicked it back on. Nick assumed his lover was already in bed. He ran up the stairs. Also the upper floor was dark. In the second floor, the light went on and a sleepy Arthur appeared at the stairs. “Nick, is that you?” Nick stormed up the stairs and span his lover around who yelped adorably. “Pack up your things, my King! We're going to Germany!”, he shouted and kissed Arthur wildly. Greeted like that, Arthur had to catch his breath. “Nicky, I'm glad you're so motivated. No need to exaggerate though, it's not going to be a fun journey”, he said but laughed nonetheless. “Oh, yes, it is! I know how we get there!” “Really?” Arthur's eyed widened. “You better sit down.” Nick shoved him back into his bedroom and placed him on the bed. Arthur stared at him while Nick shortly searched for words.

“After we told the boys our plan, they went looking for opportunities. They met Birdie today who has a similar problem. Her manager is looking for ways out of here and you won't believe what he found out! Germans actually love beat music and he's already in contact with a club there! He'll organise it all...the journey...the night stop...Isn't that fantastic?” Arthur was overwhelmed once more. Their whole impossible, lonely journey, suddenly simplified? On the one hand, he was fascinated about how fast Nick came up with a solution. It was another reason to have him at his side. On the other hand, it had an unpleasant connotation.

Arthur's silence worried Nick. “What's wrong?” His lover made a pained face. “So, you'll stay with the band...” “No, you got me wrong.” Nick sat down next to him. “I'll stay with you.” “How is this going to work?” “We're travelling with the band, because it's the easiest way out. Also, we'll need money and a place to sleep. And then...” Nick shrugged. “The rest is our adventure.” Arthur pondered. “Come on, is it easier to find Percy completely without resources or help?” Nick tried a joke. “What if he'll become a fan?” Arthur had to grin even though he doubted it. “And what if you don't want the silence anymore?” “You mean, if I don't want you anymore?” Nick leaned closer and tenderly kissed Arthur's cheek. “Then I must be the biggest dumbass in the world,” he whispered close to his ear. Arthur's resistance melted away. He accepted another loving kiss from Nick.

They had a very emotional night, dwelling in dreams and wishes. They slept together and then left the house for a night walk. It was the greatest conquest of their new freedom that they could enjoy the night without fear, at least that's what Nick thought. Also Arthur appeared to be ravished by the starry sky. “It's really pretty”, he sighed. “Everything is pretty as long as you're by my side”, Nick purred, rubbing his cheek against his shoulder. “Yeah...” Arthur had to chuckle. “Alright, I believe you!...you won...! I believe you!” “Finally!” Nick shouted out loud. He went a few steps forward, spread his arms and yelled: “My man believes I love him!” “Sssshh!”, Arthur hissed and laughed. “You're crazy...” “Yes, I am”, Nick confirmed. “But happy.” He fell back into Arthur's arms. “Me too...”, Arthur said and hugged him tightly. “Me too...” They stayed outside until sunrise.

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sea-side-scribbles · 3 years

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Fancy Nicky 🎀 I think I’ll draw the Make Believes too...

#nick lightbearer #nicklightbearer #whf nick #themakebelieves #whfthemakebelieves #whfnick #we happy few #Wehappyfew #we happy few fanart #60s fashion #60s aesthetic

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sea-side-scribbles · 3 years

Text

Fanfiction: Sympathy For A Downer

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22737214/chapters/82725124

Chapter 76

When Nick opened his eyes, he was taken by surprise. Right in front of him, healthy, awake and smiling, lay Arthur Hastings. “Good morning, long sleeper”, the vision greeted him quietly. “Did you miss me?” It felt so good to hear his voice. “So I really overdid it with the painkillers in the end”, Nick mused loudly. “Or is this a dream?” “Neither”, Arthur said amused. “We're both alive.” “Oh, come on.” Nick waved him off. “I'm not that naïve anymore. But it's nice to see you again...” He took the vision's hand and squeezed it. “Do I feel dead?”, Arthur teased him. Nick felt very closely. The skin was warm and soft. “No”, he decided. Suddenly, the vision crawled closer and pressed a passionate kiss on his lips. “And this?”, he asked. “Hmm...I don't know...”, Nick muttered, very puzzled but thrilled. “I think I need more of this...” Arthur looked around, doubting. “I don't think we should in here...” But Nick pulled him closer for another extensive testing. It felt good. Then he lay his forehead against Arthur's and stroked the man's back. His sluggish tiredness made way to euphoria.

If he was really dead, he wouldn't be still here, in this bed, right? Arthur didn't have to sleep in the same uncomfortable bed as him...but he was here...could it be that...? “Arthur?”, he asked, being pressed tightly against the other man. “Yes?”, Arthur returned. “Is it really you?” “Do you need another test?” He didn't say 'no' to that. Shortly after, he was convinced and didn't know how to express the overdose of joy he felt. “Arthur! Arthur, where have you been?”, he sobbed dryly. “I've been looking everywhere for you! Nobody could help me!” His lover hugged him again, like he had done it in the tunnel. “Ssshh...”, he whispered, patting his head. Nick sobbed into the crook of his neck. “I was at Victoria Byng's place...You know, my former boss...”, Arthur began to explain. “Why? What did she want?”, Nick blurted out. “Have you been in trouble? Are you hurt?” “Ssshh...no. It was really weird. All she wanted was to talk to me. She apologized for chasing me off when I turned Downer. It's like people really came back to their senses...” Nick slowly calmed down, thinking of the Wellies who were busy cleaning up their town...who didn't need to be on Joy anymore. “Yeah...it's over now. Nobody's taking Joy. There's no curfew. We can go wherever we want. All the rubble...and the corpses...sometimes I wish I had my Joy.”

“Wellington Wells looked like this once before, right after the war. Then everyone took Joy to forget”, Arthur remembered. “This time, we have to face it.” “Honestly, without you, I wouldn't have a reason to go on”, Nick blurted out. Arthur tenderly kissed his forehead. “Do you know...we can't pass the tunnel...” “I though they were still trying to fix it.” “Yeah...they are...I hope they'll make it.” “I'm so sorry, Arthur”. Nick's green eyes viewed him mournfully. Arthur patted his head again. “Don't be...I don't regret anything.” “Damn Victoria Byng. I kill her.” Arthur almost chuckled. “How long have you been alone?” “An awfully long time! A couple of days...I thought I lost you forever!” Arthur was shocked. “What, so long? But I just woke up! I'm so sorry!” “It's not your fault, my love. I swear, if I see her again...” “What did you do all this time?” “I helped the others as soon as I was able to walk properly. We clean up the mess.” “I hope it's worth it”, Arthur said before he could stop himself. Nick looked at him. “Not all of them want to leave...Some can't imagine another home than this...They want to save what's left and start new...Why shouldn't they at least try?” Arthur noticed that his outbreak had sounded very bitter. “Yeah...you're right...” He thought about the tunnel that was closed, Victoria, who had given him the permission to search the executive committee's office for clues about Percy...

Nick began to stir. “Are you hungry? We can get breakfast here, even though it's only porridge. It's better than nothing.” Arthur pondered. “I could go look if my house is still standing. Perhaps I have something edible left in my storage.” Nick dug himself out of Arthur's arms to beam at him. “Well, how does that sound?” Arthur grinned. Nick kissed him as an answer. Finally spending time with him, that's what he was pining for. They got up, then Nick crouched next to the bed to lift up something. “Would you mind if I take this baby with me?”, he asked, showing off a very new looking guitar. “Don't tell me the tunnel suite is still intact!” Arthur widened his eyes. “Er, no...I don't know, I wasn't there...this is from a shop in this district. I...er...borrowed it since the shop is closed.” Arthur laughed. “Alright. I don't think anyone will miss it. Let's bring it home.” Nick happily shouldered it and followed Arthur outside. As if the world was happy too, the sun was shining brightly, making the dirty cobblestone glow. For the first time, Nick had the feeling that the colours weren't as dull and grey as usual. But as if that was already too good to be true, a figure appeared walking towards the church.

“Isn't that Brad Wilson?”, Arthur asked. Nick sighed. “Yeah.” He turned away. “Now he'll think I lied to him when I said you probably didn't make it”, he muttered to himself. “Huh?” Arthur was puzzled, but Brad approached him already. “Hey, Arthur, you made it! That's fantastic news!”, he greeted him cheerfully and they shook hands. “Yeah...hell of a story...”, Arthur answered. “We got separated, woke up in different places, it was a mess...” “Sure. I've seen the tunnel...It's crazy you made it out alive.” “Did I though? I hope I'm alive.” They laughed. “Did you make it? I mean, the whole band?” “Yeah...but because we've been cowards. When people started killing each other, we hid in our dressing room for most of the time....that means, after we've been lucky enough to get back there...People freaked out without Joy.” He shook his head. More regretful, he added: “And us, too...” “I see...”, Arthur was taken aback by such an honest response from a Wellie. “But that's great news, too!” He wondered why Nick was so quiet. “I'm sorry we couldn't help you...When the riot started, all we could do was run.” “Don't beat yourself up about it. Nick told us that you had a hell of an adventure.” Arthur almost blushed. “Did he?” “Are you alright?”, Brad asked now with honest concern. He looked like he knew Arthur escaped a mass murderer. “I'm getting there...”, Arthur said awkwardly. “I'm glad..would you mind if borrowed Nick for a while?” “Er...no?” He gave Nick an unsure look. “We were about to for a walk, but I'm sure we can catch up later...?” Nick didn't look approving. “Can't Arthur come with me?” “I don't think that would be a good idea”, Brad gave him an urging look. Nick put a hand on his lover's shoulder and went a few steps away from Brad.

“Arthur, I just met you again”, he said and took his hand. “I can't leave you yet! I just lost you! I don't want it to happen again!” Nick looked like he was about to panic. Arthur put his hands on Nick's shoulders. “Ssshh...hey...I promise I'll be here when you come back...either in the church or my home...You know the address, right?” Nick named the address on Lansdown road. “Right. I'll be there, I promise. No more old bosses”, Arthur tried to make a joke. “Arthur, I don't...I can't do that...”, Nick whispered. “Yes, you can...Please, Nick, trust me...” “No, I mean...I can't meet them....” Sadness mixed into his expression. “I just can't.” “Why not?” “It's because what James did...what I did for him...They can't forgive me...It's over. I can't go back there.” “But Brad is here just for you.” “Yeah, well...He's the nicest but I don't know what he really thinks of me...Perhaps they just want to interrogate me some more...I don't want to leave you just for that!” “But...isn't that your life's work? Isn't that what you've been fighting for?” “Yeah, sure...” Nick suppressed the memories. “But now I have you! I lost this band long ago and I should probably move on...” “I just don't want you to regret this, Nick. All my life, I've been running away from my problems and from other people. There's not a single moment I don't regret now. I came back to you and...See how it paid off! Don't these people mean something to you?” Nick thought about it. “Sure...I spent the biggest part of my life with them...I just think there's no hope...” Arthur knew that feeling. “Please give this a chance. Be sure. It's still possible that you mean a lot to them. Don't spend the rest of your life wondering what could've been.” Nick eyed him. “And if don't mean anything to them?” “Then I'll be here for you. No matter what happens, you can come back to me. So, it won't be that bad, right?” Arthur squeezed Nick's shoulders and tried a smile. “I swear, if I see you now for the last time...”, Nick urged him. “I'll be good, I promise! I won't climb into holes, I won't start a fight, I'll just stay here and wait”, Arthur declared. Nick sighed deeply. Than he pulled Arthur into a tight hug. “Stay strong, Nick...”, Arthur whispered. “It pays off, I promise...” “I love you...” “I love you too...” They slowly parted and Nick went to follow Brad to the next band meeting. Arthur watched Nick go, hoping he did the right thing.

Nick went along with Brad but he didn't look happy. Also, he didn't say a word. "I'm glad for you...about Arthur...", Brad said some time later. "It's the best thing that happened to me since after the riot...", Nick answered glumly. But he was surprised about the condolence. "How are you guys doing?", he asked quieter. Brad needed a moment for his answer. "We had a rough night..." Nick crossed his arms. "Is it really a good idea to bring me back?" "Nick...just try your best, okay?", Brad said urgently. "I'm here for support, but I can't work wonders." Nick was already longing for Arthur's arms again. He only nodded. When he noticed they were walking into the same alley again, he asked: "So, you pick up where you left off?" "We're living here", Brad explained. "We came here often, to have a moment for ourselves, to cope with all this...Since no one claimed this house back, we stayed." "Did you ever think of going back to Hamlyn Village?" "Well, yes, but...somehow, everybody is still here...waiting for something...We can't just go on like before..." "Yeah...", Nick only said. They crossed the backyard again and entered through the back door. It felt weird to see a normal house from inside again. It seemed as if he viewed it through a dirty window. This world was pale and dusty, not like he remembered it. What did his own home look like now?

Matt approached them. "Oh, it's you", he said past Nick. "That's a sad greeting", Brad answered. Matt hung his shoulders. "Chris is gone again." Brad sighed. "He'll come back...He needs more time..." Matt didn't answer but eyed Nick waveringly. "And you?", Nick therefore asked. "Do you want to see me or would it be better if I left too?" Matt leaned against the doorframe. Without the mask, Nick could clearly see how tired and disappointed he looked. "I have questions, Nick...", he said quietly. "I can't forget about Morrie, ever since he entrusted himself to me..." Nick looked down. "You know my ways..." "Yeah, I know, and for all I care, you can do what you want with your birds! But Morrie was one of us! Why didn't you at least tell him the truth?" Nick gulped. "James wanted met to keep them both..." "You told him?" "Yeah..." Nick took a deep breath. "As I said, he was my therapist. I told him many things...I really thought he'd help me..." "If you had any common sense, you would've known what to do!" "I couldn't decide, okay?", Nick blurted out. "Properly speaking, Arthur was first. I just didn't know that he...I only learned that after I met Morrie again." "Then you should've told him he's too late!" "Do you think I'm that cold? Just brush him off like that..." "And instead you rather play with Morrie? Or both of them?" Matt snapped in disbelief. "Sure, that's way more fun!" "It wasn't about fun! I wanted to be fair to both of them and I didn't know who to choose, so I asked James for help...Now in hindsight, I know that he wanted me to lose both of them, so that he had me for himself....or he wanted me to be cruel to my loved ones, to learn to like it...But I didn't." "Still you didn't do shit!", his former friend spat. "I wanted to tell Morrie, just the day he..." Nick stopped. "The day Morrie found out himself! How very noble of you! We heard your last fight with too, you know?" "I needed it to wake up...James must've known that the game was over, that's why he..." "How did he know? And how did he know where Morrie was?" Matt glared at him. "...I don't know..." Nick felt a cold shiver run down his spine. "I didn't tell him! I didn't visit him that night! He had to be one of the guests!" "Or you told him ealier that you wanted to spill it all out to Morrie..." "No! I made that decision all alone! He didn't know anything", Nick insisted. "Really, Matt! I would've confessed already! I told you about Virgil...I'm searching for memories every day...but there's nothing..."

After a short pause, Matt asked: "Did it really matter what James said? Be honest, wouldn't you have kept both of them anyway?" Nick thought about it, then he shook his head. "I've made an oath to Morrie...Then I met with Arthur again, because...because everything had started with him...because he saved my life, because I couldn't reject him like that...But then...I think I would've stopped this earlier. I admit I was worried about Arthur, because he was a Downer and I wanted to help him. But I also wanted Morrie back...He said I could tell him everything...Without James, I couldn't keep this up for so long...I would've told Morrie without knowing what to do afterwards..." "Not Arthur?" "Well...he was so...chary...He would've left...would've thought it was his fault...It would've been the same as breaking up." "But you are serious about Arthur, right?", Brad suddenly asked with an urging look. Nick returned the gaze. "Yeah, I am!" "But he never knew?", Matt pointed out. "He...found out...and he forgave me...I did something right with him...and now I'll stay with him..." "Why, I thought he's missing?" Nick smiled for the first time. "He came back last night." "That's true. I met him", Brad confirmed. "Really, Matt! If it hadn't been for the fake Blackberry Joy, I wouldn't have been so cruel! I would've told Morrie the truth! I didn't want to lose him again! I loved him!" Matt didn't answer. His expression was gloomy. Nick slumped down on a chair, out of energy.

"Did you really have to engage with this James?", Matt muttered after a while. Nick made a face. "Virgil wasn't an option anymore....I've had a nasty fight with him and he was sick of me, I think. He barely came to see me, he only communicated via notes..." "But he was back for us too." "Yeah, because you were a promising offer! Actually, he already had a new star. Without you, I wouldn't have had another chance!" "Wait...he had a new star?" "Yeah, Birdie...you remember? She played the gig with us on Memorial Day." "Oh, right..." Matt remembered. "And I thought she was a substitute for Arthur." "Was she a substitute for Arthur?", Brad asked. "No", Nick said with emphasis. "We were both mourning for Virgil, that's all." They fell quiet. "I admit, I had given up already. James was the one who made me think that I coud still be useful..." He laughed bitterly. "He gave me so much hope. He made me feel I could redeem myself. Ironically, without his Joy I would've never made it. I was always stoned or drunk or both and I never knew what day it was...With his Joy, I suddenly got through the day without needing other drugs...I was kinda normal again...That's why I trusted this stuff. I could never remember any...raidings, until it was too late." "Do you know why he was after you?", Brad asked more mildly. "No...He claimed to be a fan...Said he wanted me to be a star again...Perhaps he wanted to punish people by turning their idol into a killer, or he was crazy enough to think he was doing me a favour...I don't believe he wanted to take revenge on me...he wanted me as a friend..." "One can do without such friends", Matt muttered. Nick curled up and nodded as an answer. Brad walked closer. "You know, after ditching us like that, we thought you used us, screwed us over good and proper. A few days ago we thought you did it again. But you were serious, right?" "Yeah, I never wanted to screw you over! I wasn't myself when that happened! Perhaps you remember now that we didn't come along anymore. But I didn't want us to split, so I begged Virgil for help. He offered me to go on with my own band...I was so high, I didn't notice what it really meant...Later I had no clue what happened, I only knew I wronged you and I wanted to make up for it. Instead I made it worse..." He rubbed his eyes. "Chris is right. I am an idiot." The others didn't dissent. "But it was nice to see you again...to believe I could belong again...It was the best feeling...better than Joy." The room fell silent. Nick waited for them to dismiss him.

Suddenly, Chris entered the scene. "Well, what a party...", he commented, sitting down on a chair and crossing his legs. "You three are really getting along..." Matt took a deep breath and stretched himself. "This is just a gigantic pile of shit..." "Well said!", Chris approved. "The whole town though...", Brad replied. The two exchanged tense glances. "Come on, the Joy, the crazy doctors, the masks with fake smiles, the way we've been starving without noticing, how we've been betrayed all the time, you can't tell me it doesn't matter." Chris made a face. "How lucky he is, that in addition the whole town ran wild...It makes his own mistakes seem so much smaller..." "You can't blame this on him." "And you can't use it to defend him!" Chris banged on the table. Then he got up. "Norbert always only cared for his own well-being! He had used us before! I guess you don't give a shit anymore, but you're also not the one he stole his riffs from! I had to put up with this! He fucked up my career, not yours!" "If you think he stole something from you, you should speak to him." “If I think?” Chris was upset. “Have you lost your memory? You used to know he stole our ideas!” “I believe you mean something else.” “Do you? And what?” “You should tell him.” They looked at each other for a while, then Chris turned to Nick. “Do you also think I'm making this up?”

Nick gave him a short glance, then eyed the floor again. “I always admired you...”, he quietly said. “I always wanted to...sound like you, already when I wasn't a part of the band yet...I wanted to impress you.” “And you think it impresses me when you're stealing?”, Chris snapped. “I didn't steal! I only sounded similar.” “What a coincidence!” “You gave me lessons, do you remember? You taught me a lot of things and I soaked it all in.” “And this is how you thank me?”, Chris shouted. “Because I've been such a good friend you make me look like an impostor? Steal all my success and make me vanish from the scene?” “I wasn't myself! I was so stoned, I didn't know what I was doing!” “Oh, right, it's the Joy's fault! May I remind you that we've all been taking it but only you turned out to be the traitor in the end? I was your own character, Nicky!” “You didn't have Virgil...” “So it's also Virgil's fault? Funny he's dead and can't defend himself.” “He wanted me as a star! That's why he continued with me and no one of you! And he wanted me to play our songs!” “I bet you went along just fine.” “I thought it was temporary. I never realized we split until much later.” “You thought we'll subordinate us to the Golden God like good boys...” “I didn't see it like that! I was high!” Nick gave Chris a begging look. “And spoiled! You never noticed how everything was centred around you!” Chris folded his arms. Nick eyed the floor again. “Believe me, it was never about me...we've always been a team...” “You got used to your solo-career rather quickly...” “Of course I didn't refuse to be a star! But I didn't plan it from the start, you can't accuse me of this!” “You were simply lucky, right?” “I never asked Virgil why he wanted me of all people...But I can't claim that he was wrong.” “Perhaps you've been the most reckless.” “If I was reckless, I would now wander though the Garden District with James, cutting hearts out of Wastrels! But I freed myself from him!” “With Arthur's help, I assume.” “If he didn't mean so much to me, I would've killed him! And if I didn't do anything right with him, he wouldn't have come back to me!” Nick became quieter again. “I'm sorry that it went that way....I would've loved to be a part of you again...Giving you what I owed to you...I didn't want to put you in danger...I'm sorry that you're better off without me.” He got up. The others watched him but kept quiet.

“If you have no more questions, then...” “You want to leave?”, Matt asked. “I don't know...does it matter, what I want? What do you want?” He looked into awkward faces. “I have Arthur now, who's giving me a chance...I need to prove him that I'm not a reckless traitor.” “Wait...I thought he's missing?”, Chris asked. “You're not quite up-to-date”, Matt explained. “Arthur is back. Brad did see him, too.” “But this is also weird!” “But it's true”, Nick insisted. “Arthur and I got separated, because someone else had a score to settle with him...He came back last night.” “Holy shit...” Chris wiped his forehead. “What a mess...” “I don't expect you to believe me...I had my chance”, Nick said gloomily. “Is he okay?” Nick was surprised again. “Yeah...he's not hurt...” Chris nodded and silenced. Nick looked around, waiting if someone spoke up again. Matt seemed to have an inner fight with himself and Brad looked deep in thoughts. Nick couldn't bear the silence any longer and went out of the room. Brad followed him. Nick noticed that he didn't want to stop him, but to lead him to the door. Nick tried to cope with this kind of goodbye when Brad said quietly to him: “Norbert, we let you leave now but it doesn't mean you're not allowed to come back. The others need more time, but you did well...There's still a chance.” “Why do you support me like that?”, Nick asked, looking up to him. Brad's expression became thoughtful. “Well...perhaps I'm nostalgic...Perhaps I'm clinging to our old life...But we don't have much left, only ourselves...We don't even know if we'll ever get off this goddamn rock...Fighting is no use...” “What if I left for good?” “It wouldn't change anything! They're just about to blame you for all that happened to them in the past ten years! They would live another lie and I don't want that! I want to leave this shit behind!” “So, what do you want from me?” “Just wait one more day. You gave them something to chew on, so let's wait what becomes of that.” “Okay...” Nick was taken aback once more when Brad patted his shoulder. “Why aren't you mad? Yesterday I was afraid you'd kill me,” he blurted out. “I was mad, that's true...But in the end, we've all been stupid, we've all been listening to Uncle Jack and the Joy Doctors...I can't believe what I did myself... Let's just say it was a good idea not to tell me that Arthur was a Downer...”, he said bitterly. “I would be even more ashamed if you'd get all the blame alone.” “Hey...” Nick was about to touch his arm, but thought twice. “Thank you...” “Nothing to thank me for...” Nick left the house with a better feeling than he had hoped for. But perhaps it was because he looked forward to see Arthur.

He searched for him in the church at first, but his lover wasn't there. More nervously, he made his way to his house...what was the address again? For a moment he had a blackout, but then he remembered and muttered it quietly to himself, over and over. When he could finally clasp Arthur in his arms, he didn't let go for a long time. Arthur went inside the house with him. “How did it go?”, he asked, fondling Nick's hair. He had a presentiment, because Nick was so clingy and he already regretted his advise. Nick slowly let go. “They didn't decide yet. Brad wants us to be friends again but the others can't forgive me yet. I don't know if they ever will...I made such a mess...” “Do you regret going back?” Arthur was worried. “Some things really hurt to hear...But you're right, I would've always asked myself what could've happened...Like this, I have a chance...” They hugged again. “I...was in the tunnel suite today...”, Arthur began. “You've been in the tunnel?”, Nick flared up. “Arthur!” “Only the one in Hamlyn! There was no landslide. I was careful.” “Why were you there?” “Because we still had supplies there...I see people trying to save what they can and I want to help, too. I brought as much as I could carry and handed it to the doctors. I also made healing balms until I ran out of stock.” “You're indispensable, King”, Nick sighed. Arthur furrowed his brows. “I found something else, too...I think it's for you...” He pulled something out of his pocket. Looking at the black envelope, Nick started to shiver. “Where did you find this?” “On your bed.” “No...no...this can't be!” Nick eagerly shook his head. “Do you know who writes these letters? Foggy Jack!” “It could be an old one”, Arthur tried to calm him down. “We haven't been there for a long time.” Nick caught his breath. “Right...it could be...” Then he unsurely eyed the letter. “Is it dangerous?”, Arthur asked. “Actually...he always wrote completely normal letters...If...if he's still alive...then...we have to...” “We will”, Arthur said firmly. “He can't hide as easily as before. People are not on Joy anymore, they can remember him and we can warn them.” Nick nodded and took the letter with shaking hands. He gave Arthur a short glance before he opened it and pulled out the piece of paper. Foggy Jack's handwriting made a shiver run down his spine. He needed to sit down in order to go on.

My dear Nick, sometimes fate goes strange ways. I'm writing you, hoping that you're able to read this letter one day, that this town in it's insanity didn't lead you into the abyss. That I didn't lead you there. I was already a shadow of myself when you fell into my hands. I don't expect you to accept this as an apology, but I never intended to hurt you. I really believed that I was helping you. Don't worry, you did never kill. That's what I told you because I wanted you to get used to the thought. A part of me still regrets that you didn't decide upon me. I will miss you. We could've lived our lie a little while longer... Don't look for me. I know I've come to the end of my time. My life is leaving me hour by hour. I was exposed to “Blackberry Joy” for too long. But you have a chance. Use it. Farewell, my friend! Your biggest fan Jack Worthing

Nick had to read the letter multiple times to fully understand it. “Jack Worthing?”, he then asked. “So it was him!”, Arthur said. “I knew I've heard the voice before!” Nick gave Arthur a helpless look. “Jack Worthing was James?” “He must've drugged you so you won't notice. What did he say?” “It's a...goodbye letter...” Nick actually felt grief for a moment. “It sounds like he's dying...of Joy-withdrawal.” Nick stared at the paper. “Uh...hooray?”, Arthur said quietly. “I feel sick...” Nick leaned back and let the paper fall on a counter. Arthur was quickly at his side, putting an arm around his shoulders. “Come, let's have a rest. Nick followed without hesitation.

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sea-side-scribbles · 4 years

Photo

The Make Believes - how they probably look in my fanfiction - from left to right: Brad Wilson (drums), Chris Ward (lead guitar, vocals), Morrie Memento (piano), Nick Lightbearer (guitar, vocals), Matthew Reid (bass guitar, vocals)

#wehappyfew #whf #we happy few #nick lightbearer #whf nick #nickxmorrie #nicklightbearer #whfnick #morriememento #whfmorrie #morrie memento #themakebelieves #whfthemakebelieves #fanart #wehappyfewfanart

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sea-side-scribbles · 3 years

Text

Fanfiction: Sympathy For A Downer

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22737214/chapters/82993969

Chapter 77

Arthur and Nick spent the rest of the day with each other. Arthur made an effort to comfort his lover and Nick gladly accepted his efforts. They made good for the meal they had missed and thanks to Arthur's supplies it didn't consist of porridge alone. The next day, Nick was simply happy about waking up with Arthur. He wasn't in a rush and very sorry when his lover eventually went out of bed. “I see you need your coffee”, Arthur teased the former rockstar who didn't move a muscle. Nick stretched out a hand. “Actually, I need more Arthur”, he admitted, even though he found it sounded desperate. His lover came back and sat down on the bed, leaning over to kiss him. “My poor darling...You've been alone for such a long time...” “I thought I lost you down there...” “Please, stop torturing yourself with it...” “I dreamed of it...” Arthur hugged him. Nick couldn't imagine a better place than the crook of Arthur's neck.

“I wish we had more time...but there's still so much to do...” “We'll have time soon, Nick...”. Arthur feared that they would have more than enough of it, being trapped on this island. This perspective made his intentions for today look like he was hopelessly dwelling on the past. “I don't want to leave you alone again, but I also need to know if any of my friends forgive me...”, Nick cut off his train of thoughts. “Just go then. I have to get something done today too...I may be gone for longer, but I'm back no later than in the evening.” Nick sat up. “What are you going to do?” Arthur took a deep breath. “I have to go to the Executive Committee...Only they can tell me where my brother is. If any of the workers there is still alive...I hope they still have the documents...” He ran a hand through his hair. “At a pinch, I'll search every drawer and shelf I can find.” “Good luck, Arthur. I hope you find something”, Nick said softly. “Thank you.” “I'll come and help you when I'm done.” “You don't have to...Just take your time with your friends...Stay longer if you must...” “Okay...” Nick mused. “Do we still have time for a coffee?” Arthur agreed. Strengthened like this, they hugged each other goodbye. “Take care, my hero”, Nick whispered. “You too, Nicky...Remember that I believe in you...that you are worth loving...” “Oh, Arthur...” “You won my heart, Nick. Don't forget that.” “Perhaps it was the other way around.” They laughed at that.

Later, Nick reached the house of his former band. Matt answered the door and for a while he looked like he had expected someone else. “Oh, it's you...”, he said hesitantly. “Come in...” Nick went in, once again wondering if it had been a good idea to come here. "Did something happen?", he asked because of Matt's expression. "Chris left again...", the other man said gloomily. "Did you fight?" "Brad and him keep quarreling." Matt shrugged, but he didn't look incurious at all. "It's because of me, right?" Nick leaned against a wall and sighed deeply. "You know, you have every right to kick me out..." Matt shrugged again, more helplessly. "I don't know...I fear I'm losing my head, Nick..." He started to walk around the room. "I don't know what I'm supposed to think of all this...Since I'm off my Joy, more and more memories are coming in and...it's all crazy!...It's been ten years of our lifes! Ten years that some...crackpot stole from us! And why? We don't even know who started all this! It just popped up and now it's gone! We're left with nothing but ruins and we're about to starve! And freeze! What if we never get out of here? What if we run out of supplies? People still help each other for now, but if shit hits the fan, they'll freak out again! It's gonna be winter soon!" He shook his head. "Why did we have to stop taking Joy? What did we win?" He gave Nick a sad look.

"A chance", Nick offered. "We won't starve so easily, we still have a lot of supplies. Victoria Byng took care of that, I know that from Arthur. And perhaps we don't have to leave. We could grow plants in the Garden District again. There's still hope. With Joy, we would've starved for sure." "But we would've been happy...." "It was a lie!" "But it was our life! I wouldn't know how everything changed, I wouldn't remember who died...Virgil would've never really left us...and Morrie..." He breathed in deeply. "Do you know what's worse? That he never knew the truth...He died with this lie." Nick eyed the floor. "Right...shit..." "And was he worse off than us? He could live the life he was used to until the end. He was always a Make Believe and had nothing to worry about than his music...But us...We're lucky if we'll ever be a real band again!" "Why shouldn't you?" "Nick...who's gonna spend money on us? We have to become goddamn farmers to survive here!" "Hey, you will be heard, don't worry. I felt it too when I played my guitar. People miss their old life and they want to hear the music. There'll be gigs in the future, only without Joy."

Matt finally took a rest on the couch and looked up to Nick with a tired expression. "Could you do that, Nick? Could you continue playing our songs without Morrie?" Nick fell silent for a moment. "I couldn't stop...I you still wanted this, I wouldn't hesitate to keep this up." Matt pondered. "Did Morrie ever have a chance?" "Yeah..." Nick sighed. "If I never met him, if we had never been together, then yes...I didn't do him good." Nick blinked. "But believe me, I was loyal before I took Joy. It wasn't easy, and sometimes Morrie had to bring me back to my senses..." Nick had to smile at the memory. "...but I made him happy...I think..." "You did", Matt said firmly. "Morrie swooned over the old days and always wished you would come back like this...The poor thing! He never understood what happened and I can't explain it to him anymore..." Nick sat down next to him. "I'm sure you've been a good friend to him...Gosh, I never thanked you for this...er, thank you." "I wasn't a much better friend than you...That evening you fought with him because of Arthur, I should've comforted him, stopped him from following your or coming along, but I was too busy comforting myself wiht Joy and scotch..." He gulped heavily. "We've been awful people, haven't we?"

"Unlike me you've all been saints", Nick said. "You couldn't know that there was a mass murderer on the loose who killed my friends and loved ones out of jealousy." "No...but I should've helped him..." "I'm sure Morrie wouldn't reproach you with this if he knew what was going on. He also took a high risk going outside at night. He wasn't allowed to. He could've ended up in a Jubilator...I shouldn't think of that..." "Oh, dear, thanks for the image...", Matt moaned. "Sorry...See, it wasn't all sunshine and daisies in our old life." Because Matt continued to silence, Nick dared to pat his back. "Hey...I'm sorry...I should keep my bloody mouth shut." "I don't know...Sometimes I think we had some bad luck, and sometimes I could give you a thrashing...Why did you have to betray him? Why did he have to die for this?" "He would've been a target for James, either as my enemy or my lover...Arthur didn't chance that", Nick whispered. Matt closed his eyes shut. For a while, they sat together in silence, each lost in their own thoughts.

"I understand why we took Joy...", Matt said some time later. "Not being able to forget, having to live with all this...it's...it's" He clenched his fists and tensed up. Nick was searching for words when Matt finally relaxed again. "Brad is right, it would be easy to blame it on you. In the end, you've been just a poor sucker like us." "You don't have to take me back, though...not ouf of nostalgia or anything..." "But you would like to...?" Matt eyed him from the side. "Sure...What a question is that?" The bass player stretched himself. "Well...you have to persuade Chris." "He'll come back, right?" "I think I know where he is." Nick hesitated. "Is it a good idea to be alone with him?" “Well, it's your only chance. In here, he feels cornered. Alone, you're at his mercy but he'll most likely listen to you.” Nick sighed. “Okay...I'll try...By the way, how's Brad?” “He needs some time for his own, too. I'll take care of him as good as I can.” “Just tell him I said hello.” “Alright...Now listen...”

After that, Nick made his way through the district up to the bridge to St. Georges Holm. He didn't cross it, though, but climbed over the railing and continued his walk on the grass. From there, he could walk past the town through the landscape where he approached the cliffs. They were a perfect spot to seek solitude. Nick understood, that the view was soothing. He had learned that from Arthur. While Nick's gaze wandered along the rugged scenery, the wind blew harder than in town and brought salty, wet air. When he noticed a figure in the distance that looked like his missing friend, he was unsure if he should disturb him like that. Chris sat on a rock and stared at the horizon. Nick could only guess what he thought. But if he didn't try it now, he wouldn't need to ever come back, so he carefully approached him. Then he stopped again, because he noticed that Chris didn't hear him. The grass dampened his footsteps, so he shuffled along a rock with his heel. Alerted, Chris looked around. Nick didn't move and let the other man stare at him. Chris then left his rock.

“You're getting everywhere, isn't that so, Norbert? I'm nowhere safe from you...and it never crosses your mind that you might be unwanted...” The guitarist's voice was full of bitterness. Nick's face fell. “I'm not that stupid.” “Then why are you here?”, Chris snapped. Something occurred to him. “Brad sent you, right? Not even he can leave me alone! What did I do to deserve this?” “Brad has nothing to do with this!” “Who else? Matt? Sure, you talked him round already...Incredible...You kill his friend and he forgives you just like that...” “You know that this isn't what happened!”, Nick shouted against the wind. Chris shook his head, smiling unhappily. “It's always easy for you Norbert. Again, nothing is your fault...and the others fell for you...Now it's three against one...” “That's not how it is!” Nick came closer. “Don't think they're on my side now! They might forgive me, but that doesn't mean they would miss me! You are a part of the band, not me! I can only ask you to let me leave on good terms!” Chris fell quiet for a while, watching the waves.

“You know, I had the choice back then...”, he said almost calmly. Nick came closer to hear him. “It was my idea to form a band. Mine!”, he added with emphasis. “I could have made you dance to my pipe as a band leader, but I thought: 'No let's be friendly, a band isn't a military troop.' He laughed unhappily. “I guess it's still war.” “It was the right decision. We all thought highly of you, more than you noticed.” “And more than a certain someone noticed...” Nick had no idea what he was getting at. “It should've made me suspicious that Virgil spoke to you first and not me...” Nick sensed that there was some truth in that. Still, he said: “It could've been a coincidence.” “Huh! Sure...After watching us all, he coincidentally decided to approach you of all people...He knew exactly what he was doing.” “Even if so, it was his decision, not mine!” Chris made another pause that Nick spent racking his brain, trying to find a way to make him understand that he didn't scheme against him, but how would he prove that?

“I underestimated you, Norbert”, Chris spoke again. “Do you remember when you needed me to buy you a beer because you looked like a bloody twelve-year-old? I never thought anyone would pay much attention to you.” That actually hurt. “Do you want me to apologize because you took me for a baby?” “Well, I didn't take you for a traitor...” Chris kicked a stone off the cliff. “But now you do.” “What am I supposed to think of you? Tell me.” He looked down at Nick who struggled for words in frustration. “I didn't know any of Virgil's plans! I never viewed myself as the only star! And I never thought Virgil could be fixated on me! Sure, sometimes I wondered why he was so harsh especially to me, why he wanted me to be perfect. He didn't seem to do that to any of you. But on the other hand, I was the most problematic. I needed Joy, not you. I guessed he only wanted everything to work well.” Chris looked back at the ocean, seemingly disappointed. “So, you've been simply dumb?” “Not dumber than you, or else you would've found a way to get Virgil's attention.” “But when you kicked us out of the band, didn't you notice it then?”, Chris snapped. “It was never meant to be this way!”, Nick shouted desperately. “I've already told you it was meant to be a workaround until we reunited! Later I just forgot...I went from gig to gig and happening to happening, until I couldn't even to that anymore.”

“And you had a lot of fun doing it.” “Believe me, I would swap it all for a moderate life with you and the guys. You could've played the star if you fancied yourself as one.” “What's that supposed to mean?” “Just what you said! It's not nice hearing that you didn't trust me with anything! That you thought I'm a pip-squeak you can push around!” “I didn't say that!” “But that's what you thought, be honest! That must be it, otherwise I didn't have to take revenge on you! Right? That's what you're trying to turn this into! A revenge plot! I must admit it would've been a much better story because it would make sense.” Nick sniffed. “Now, don't cry, little one.” Chris looked at him. “Why not? What's in it for me if I don't? It's only appropriate for shattering my dreams. You're right, I am dumb. I thought we were friends.” “But we were friends!” “Then you have a weird conception of friendship! If you pushed me around as a band leader, it would've been at least honest!” Chris sighed. “Norbert, now you're exaggerating. I just phrased it a little unflattering...” “And what does the flattering version sound like?” “I just never thought you'd betray me...” “I didn't!”

Chris silenced again and Nick gloomily stared at the waves. Some time later, Chris searched his gaze. When their looks met, Chris made a gesture as if he offered him a seat on the rock next to him. Nick took the risk. The other man didn't seem to mind. He looked back at the horizon and sighed. “You know, this place could be beautiful, also without Joy”, he whispered. “Why did it have to happen here? Why to us?” “Bad karma?”, Nick guessed. “Ah...The Very Bad Thing...”, Chris recalled. “Did you have siblings?” “No...” “Me neither...Well, if I didn't repress it. I keep seeing this little girl...maybe three years old...” He shook his head. “Could've been the neighbour's daughter.” Nick nodded. “Lucky bastards”, he tried a joke. “They get to see the world outside and we're trapped in here.” Chris even adumbrated a grin. “Oh...If you put it like that...Yeah, perhaps they're better off...” He sighed deeply. “I guess we have to make the best out of it.” “We...you mean...including me?”, Nick asked carefully. “Don't be such a drama queen, Nick. Perhaps that's what Virgil went for...drama queens.” “Funny, he should've taken you then.” “Impertinent brat.” “Just look at the setting!” Nick widened his arms. “Shakespeare would've done it any better.” Chris gave the ocean another look. “You know what?”, he asked after a while. “It sucks. I'm cold and wet. Let's get back home.” Nick climbed after Chris, barely able to hide his happiness.

Back home, Chris promptly took off his shirt. “You must be really fond of me again”, Nick remarked. Chris grinned at him. “Don't look if I'm too much to handle for you. Anyway I need to get out of these wet rags.” “What have you been up to?” Brad suddenly appeared in the corridor. “Did you go for a swim?” “It's not forbidden”, Chris said and walked past him. Brad looked at Nick who seemed to be pleased with himself and gave his shoulder a slap. That made him notice that also Nick's clothes were wet. “You should change too.” “Sure, but that's all I have.” Nick shrugged. “So, it's time for you to get out of this funeral gear”, Matt commented, entering the scene. “It doesn't match your style at all.” “Hey, I've just come back and you're already hot for my knickers!” “Don't you like it?” They broke out in laughter. It was a precious moment to simply laugh out loud like that, without Joy.

“I could go back to my place in Hamlyn and change...”, Nick said not very excitedly. “Or we see if Davey has something to spare for you”, Brad offered. “He's still around?” Nick widened his eyes “Yeah, he was the first one we visited after the breakdown. He sat it all out in his hiding spot, the bright spark he is.” “He's not living in luxury right now, but he keeps his shop and hopes for better times”, Matt added. “He'll be happy to see you alive.” “These are good news...”, Nick stuttered. “Then...what are we waiting for?” Chris came back in a new outfit. “What did I miss?” “We pay Davey a visit”, Brad answered. “Good idea.”

Later, they entered the studio of the famous designer and the band called out for him. “Davey, are you there?” “You have customers!” Soon, the wanted person hurried into the shop. He was without his mask, just like everyone else, but other than that he looked as spick and span as ever. “I can't believe it! My favourite band! How are you, boys?” “Pretty good despite everything”, Brad answered and they shook hands. “We brought you someone”, Chris added and pointed at Nick. Davey eyed him, trying to figure out the new face. “Well, do you recognise me without my mask and everything...?”, Nick said a bit self-consciously. Davey recalled the voice. “Nick?” Promptly, he pulled him into a hug. “You made it! Of course you did! You're tough like that!” “Careful!”, Nick warned him. “I'm soaked.” Davey eyed his outfit then. “Is this your new style?” “I thought I'd try something new”, Nick joked. “But I'm not quite feeling it...Perhaps you could assist me with that?” “With pleasure, my dear. Let's have a look, shall we?” To the band he said: “Please make yourselves at home. Feel free to fit something on if you like.” “Gladly, as long as you make Nicky presentable again. He's painful to look at like this”, Chris answered. “Is it really that bad?” Nick looked at himself. Davey waved them off and dragged Nick with him into the depth of the shop. Nick had to admit that he liked his bright colours more than black.

When he had made his choice, he asked: “Say, how can I make it up to you? Really?” “Just tell everyone where you bought this.” “No, I mean...how do I pay you? What use are Sovereigns?” Davey was quiet for a while, then he said: “Let's not lose all hope, alright? Consider it a friendly turn. Just because we're low on food, it doesn't mean we have to dress like scarecrows.” “You're right about that. I'm already feeling better.” Nick admired his new look. “If you like to give me something other than money, just go on, surprise me”, Davey said and walked closer. “I'll think of something”, Nick promised. “I'm excited.” Nick looked around the shop, pondering. “May I ask you for another favour?” “Of course.” “Do you remember Arthur Hastings? The one you took for a model and then turned out to be a reporter?” “The tall lanky with dark hair?” “Yeah, exactly. Could you help me pick out something for him?” Davey understood. “Follow me”, he said.

Eventually, they found something Nick was excited to see Arthur in. Davey wrapped it up like a present with a big ribbon on top and handed it to Nick. “There you go. Say hello to him from me, will you? Tell him I'd hire him on the spot if the reporting business goes down.” “I will.” Nick looked at Davey. “It's nice to see you again.” “Bad weeds grow tall”, the man said tenderly. “That applies to both of us.” “But it wasn't easy.” “No...” Davey thoughtfully adjusted his hair. “Hey, if you need help, pay us a visit. We...I mean the band has a home for themselves...I'm living with Arthur.” “I'm happy for you.” Davey smiled. Nick apologetically smiled back. “It's never fair, isn't it?” Davey now smirked. “Don't take it amiss, but I wouldn't marry you. Too vigorous.” Nick laughed. “And that coming from you!” Davey gently touched his arm. “You can visit me anytime, Nick. You and the boys. We have to stick together.” Nick returned the gesture. “Thank you.”

“By the way...someone else asked for you a few days ago, heartbreaker...”, Davey went on. “Why? Who was it?” Nick was alarmed. “No one else but Birdie Callagher. Ring a bell? She looked worried.” Nick felt caught red-handed. “We got to know each other right before Memorial Day, that's all. Virgil's death did throw us both off the track.” Davey became serious again. “Oh, my...I still didn't realize that...” “He looked ravishing in your suit.” “Huh...yeah...it's a shame I never saw him in it.” “I'm sorry...” “Anyway...Birdie is also one of my friends. Can I tell you you're alive and well?” Nick looked at him. “Where is she? Perhaps it's better if I talk to her myself.” Davey told him her address and then gave him an intense look. “What?” The designer relaxed again. “Ah...nothing...Let's go, the boys are waiting...” When they met with the band again, Davey received praises for Nick's outfit. They stayed for longer, joked around and chattered like old times. Nick noticed that he didn't need Joy to forget about his worries for a while and there was nothing wrong with that.

They left Davey in an unusually good mood. Nick regretted that he had to say goodbye yet. “Guys, I'm sorry, but I have to leave you now...I can come back, right?” “Well, if you keep behaving yourself like that...”, Chris offered. “You can bring Arthur along”, Brad said. “I will. He'll be happy to see you all again.” “U-huh, he'll start writing an exclusive story about our survival...”, Chris guessed. “That's not a bad thing.” Nick chuckled. “I wonder, what's life with him like?”, Matt asked. “I imagine him taking notes whenever you talk...” Nick laughed out loud. “He's not like that!” “He taking embarrassing photos of you in secret...”, Chris added. “No!” “You'll always feel like a celebrity around him, that's for sure...,” Brad pointed out. “My Arthur is a completely normal person!”, Nick protested laughing. “How boring”, Chris remarked. “There must be something up with him if he made you fall for him.” “Well, there is, but this story is unsuitable for the public!”

Like that, they said goodbye in a friendly way. After that, Nick firstly went home to hide the packages and sneak back outside. He felt sorry that he had to be so secretive, but he needed to get something else done.

Arriving at another house, he rang the bell on the off chance. He was lucky. Someone opened, and that someone looked exactly like Birdie, only without her mask. Despite that she had kept her dignity. Her makeup was flawless and her clothes were clean. Nick was happy he had been with Davey before because he would've been horribly underdressed for this situation. Still, it was obvious that she didn't recognize him. “Hello?” “Hello, Birdie. It's me, Nick.” Her eyes widened. “Nick?” “Yeah...I guess I changed a little...but only on the outside, I promise.” “Oh, Nick!” She fell into his arms. “Where have you been? I suddenly lost sight of you and then everyone freaked out. If it hadn't been for Davey...” “I'm afraid I freaked out, too...”, Nick said quietly. “But that's over.” “Now many things are over”, she said and parted from him. “How do you get along?” “I found my band again...or better, they found me. We don't have a plan yet, but we're alright so far. How do you do?” She shrugged. “Most of the time, I'm helping the doctors. I'm a jobbing nurse now. At the same time my new manager tries to contact the mainland.” “Oh...wow...Did you have medical training, or...?” “Not a bit...” She chuckled. “But there's easier tasks I can manage, where I can't do any damage to the poor souls...” Nick was impressed. “Seeing all this misery must be hard...” “It takes a while getting used to, yes. But I'm getting better. The fight is over, there aren't many terribly wounded people left...Still, not all of them are making it...” She took a deep breath. “I'm sure you're doing your best.” “Of course...like all of us...Honestly, I'm more afraid of getting used to it...Seeing this and just thinking 'Oh, it's another completely normal day in Wellington Wells'...” He nodded. “I know what you mean. Did you see the corpses? They are so many...” “Gosh, yeah...” She dropped her gaze.

After collecting herself, she waved him in. “Come, let's have a nice, hot cup of tea as long as the Motilene pipes still work.” Nick liked the idea and followed her inside. “Is this your pad or did you...borrow it?” She smiled. “It's mine. I got it shortly before Memorial Day.” She huffed. “What a bad investment! Now I could get it on much better terms.” “We'll be happy if we ever miss our money again...” “That's true...” She turned on a plate. “Yes, it's working!”, she cheered at the sight of the red lamp lighting up. “All hail to Motilene!”, Nick said and looked around in her kitchen. “Do you have some dishes I can smash in the meantime?” Birdie laughed. “Yeah, I have enough of that stuff in this cabinet. Just help yourself.” Nick picked two cups and saucers and put them on the table. Birdie later joined him with her teapot. Sighing, she fell on her chair. “Sometimes I really don't know where I'm at...” She wiped her forehead. “Sorry...since I'm off my Joy I keep whining...” “For a stressed out nurse you're looking fantastic”, Nick tried to cheer her up. “Oh, thank you”, she said gallantly and looked at him. “But I think I should be honest with you, since you are honest with me...” She grabbed her blonde mane and pulled it off her head. Like that, she revealed a tuft of dark brown hair that was cut into a bob and neatly framed her face. She threw the wig at a chair in the corner. Nick stared at her. “So...what do you say?”, she asked him quietly. Nick ripped himself out of his stasis. “I'm...I'm gobsmacked, really...but you're still pretty...” She smiled. “I hoped you would say that...” Nick felt a tickle running through his body. The reason why he came here...he needed to do it now... He nervously wiped his knuckles while Birdie served the tea.

“Birdie...I don't know how to say this...”, he began, searching for words. “This is completely new to me...” She listened carefully. “Do you remember when I said I lost someone who was close to me?” She nodded. “Something happened...something I didn't think was possible...He came back to me. I'm living with him now. We want to start over.” “Oh, that's...” Now she was stammering, putting the teapot down. “I'm happy for you of course...” “I'm sorry.” Nick avoided her gaze, bracing himself. But Birdie remained sitting on her chair. “You don't have to be...After all, it's a gift. So many people lost their loved ones...Plenty are still missing...Without Joy, some people only remember now that they lost someone long ago...And you found each other in all this chaos...that's beautiful.” “I'm just so sorry I dragged you into this...” Nick sighed. “You didn't drag me into nothing, Nick Lightbearer! I'm not a helpless little girl. It was my decision to follow your invitation”, she said firmly. “But you didn't know what a mess I am.” “Oh, I did...For a long time, there was barely anything nice about you to read in the papers.” “Oh...” Nick slumped down. “I forgot about that.”

“Now I'm sorry”, she said and put her hand on his. “I have to say you were a pleasant surprise.” “Until now.” “Don't be silly. We had fun. And you comforted me. Without you, I would've gone crazy over Virgil's death...You have no idea how much I needed you.” “I needed you too...” Nick whispered. “I mean...I didn't use you!,” he quickly added. “I like you...just not like that...First, I had too much of a broken heart because of Arthur but I needed you and I was afraid of sending the wrong signals...And now I just don't want to play with you.” “I'm glad...Really, I'm thankful that you told me the truth.” Birdie's voice was soft. “I know you could've easily played with me.” “Yeah, well...” He took a deep breath. “I'm thankful too...You could treat me much worse...Scream at me, beat me up, throw your stuff at me...I've experienced it all.” “The truth didn't go down well in Wellington Wells”, she said bitterly. Nick had never seen it that way. “No...not at all...” “I'm glad I met you, Nick. You've been the first I could really be honest to...” “You can still trust me, Birdie. I'll never tell anyone your secrets, cross my heart!” “I believe you.” She smiled. “Arthur is lucky to have you.” Nick looked a bit puzzled, then he recalled he had said his name. “Well...I'm doing my best...” He scratched his neck. “I wish you and Arthur the best of luck.” “Thank you. I wish you all the best, too...I keep my fingers crossed for your manager. Perhaps he'll find a working phone booth.” “Let's see. At a pinch, maybe smoke signals will do.” They burst out in laughter. Nick finally left her, feeling much better than he had feared. The big drama never happened and he felt relieved of a huge weight he had been carrying in his heart. Now he pined for meeting Arthur.

Back in their house he found Arthur in the kitchen and greeted him with an eager kiss. Calming down, he rested his head on his lover's shoulder and sighed happily. “Hmm...my hero...” Arthur ruffled his hair. “What did they say?” Nick gave him a blissful look. “It worked. We're friends again.” Arthur eyed him up and down. “I'm sure they couldn't resist you, looking like that.” Nick's eyes widened. “Oh, that...I had to get rid of James' suit and that's why we visited Davey Hackney. He still has his shop, it's incredible! You must've made an impression on him, because he told me to say hello from him. He'd take you back as a model, too.” Arthur laughed. “Better not. This job is too stressful for me...” “More stressful than breaking out of prisons?”, Nick teased him. “Definitely.” They grinned at each other. “So many good things happened today, I can't believe it! I feel like a new man!” Nick rejoiced.

His lover's cheerfulness took a load off Arthur's mind. “I'm so happy for you.” Nick hugged him again. “Thank you for giving me the courage to do this...I was running on empty...and now I feel almost like the old days.” Something occurred to him. “Wait, stupid me, I forgot something!” He ran back to where he had hid the packages and came back with Arthur's present. “There you go, my hero.” He proudly handed it over. “You brought something for me?” Arthur eyed it in surprise. “U-huh,” Nick said nodding. “You're such a treasure! You're still thinking of me despite everything...” The tall man was clearly overwhelmed. “It's nothing compared to what you did for me.” Nick was once more ravished about how humble Arthur was. His lover put the present down on the kitchen table, suddenly deep in thoughts “This is making it much harder...,” he said wiping his forehead.

“What?” Nick came closer to see that Arthur was struggling for words. “Speak up, my tall boy.” He became more serious when he recalled something. “Is it about your brother?” Arthur gave him a meaningful look. “I found documents...They say that they brought the children to certain...institutions...” “In Germany?” “Yes...Although I don't know to which they sent Percy...There should be a list that assigns the places for each of the children, but I didn't find it...” “But you found the names of the places?” “Yeah...” “So, there's hope!”, Nick urged him. “You know where to look!” Arthur meekly eyed the floor. “It's gonna be a far and difficult journey...”, he muttered. “Or you're lucky and hit the bull's eye at the first try!”, Nick eagerly replied. “Chin up, Arthur, you taught me to never give up! Where's your courage now?” Arthur avoided his gaze, only eyed him from the side. “It's not that I don't want to try. Of course I'll search for him as long as I need to.” “That's the spirit!” “But...is that also what you want?” “Yes...” Nick was puzzled.

Arthur turned around to face him. “You have your band now.” “You made me talk to them!” “Because I knew that this is your dream...your life...”, Arthur explained carefully. “It's what makes you happy.” “Arthur, this is my past!”, Nick blurted out. “Now you're my priority! I want to life with you! I'm glad I made up to the lads, because they are my old friends, but that doesn't mean I want to stay with them forever!” “You rather travel aimlessly in a foreign country without knowing if you achieve anything with this?” “Come on, it's gonna be an adventure.” Nick gave his arm a pat. Arthur didn't cheer up. “I don't even know from what to make a living...It's gonna be very uncomfortable.” “Arthur, don't make me look more spoiled than I really am! I can take it! You didn't live in the poorhouse before turning Downer and you got used to the streets! Also, what if the Germans also like music? And you aren't talentless either.” “Wouldn't you miss your friends? And don't they count on you to join them?” “They know that I have you! I didn't make it up to them to lose you in return!”, Nick shouted. “I don't understand this, Arthur! Do you want to leave me here?” He pointed at his face. “Is it because of my looks? Are you disappointed? Do you feel betrayed?”

Arthur turned away again. “That's not it...I just want you to be happy.” “But I am happy with you! Really, Arthur, if there's something you don't like about me, tell me!” “I like everything about you!”, Arthur affirmed. “I just don't want you to be disappointed.” “I won't! Trust me, please, everything I want is you! After cheating death, I'm happy that you gave me a new life! Now I want to make you happy too!” “Oh, Nick...You're always so eager to help”, Arthur said shaking his head. “But you don't know what you're getting yourself into...” “But you do? Have you been in Germany before?” “No, but I have no choice...” “Me neither.” Nick came closer and took his hands. “Here and now, I swear I'll be faithful to you until my dying day. I'll accompany and assist you until the very end. You'll never be alone again.”

Arthur sighed, trying to hide how much he craved for this. “You don't know what you're talking about...”, he said quietly. “Yes, I know!” Nick was upset. “Do you think I'm that naïve? Do you take me for a baby, Arthur?” “No...” “So you think I'm too stupid to learn? I know what faith is!” Arthur squeezed his hands. “You said you love many...” “Yes, but I know how much pain I caused! I don't want this anymore! I don't want to lose you!” “And you? Wouldn't you suffer?” “I thought it was worse than it actually is”, Nick said truthfully. “I broke first ground today. I gave someone a knock-back, so to speak, and see, I'm still alive.” Arthur looked at him. “You quickly find other options...”, he whispered. “That's not what I was getting at!”, Nick flared up. “I rejected someone just for you!” “This must've been hard for you...” “It wasn't fun, but it was worth it. I'm sure I'll do it again.” Arthur was speechless for a while. “You really are stubborn as a mule, aren't you?”, he then produced.

“Indeed. Now look at me for once! Don't you like my face anymore?” Arthur lifted his gaze from the floor but still didn't dare to look Nick in the eyes. “Is it the hair colour?”, Nick asked waving his hands. “I'll grow the moustache back in case that's what's bothering you. It's just that I couldn't wear it under the mask. The bloody thing didn't hold on facial hair and kept falling off..” Arthur had to laugh against his will at the image. He finally met Nick's eyes, viewed every inch of his face. “Yes, I like you...”, he whispered. “And that's why...” He stopped and fell quiet. “I think we should take counsel with our pillows about that”, Nick said placably. Arthur looked doubting, but he also ran a hand along Nick's back.

Nick finally grabbed him by the hips and threw him over his shoulder. “Come on, let's get to bed.” Arthur uttered a yelp. “Nick! I swear, you're gonna break something!” “Yeah, my heart, if I keep listening to you!” “I'm serious! Put me down!” “Stop with the antics already, or I'll get really mad! If you don't want me anymore, you can just as well tell me in the morning!” “Oh, Nick...” Nick put Arthur to bed and was gentle despite everything. He lay down next to him and pulled the blanked over them. “May I sleep by your side or don't you like that either?” Arthur wordlessly pulled him closer.

#we happy few #whf #wehappyfew #nicklightbearer #nick lightbearer #whfnicklightbearer #whf nick #whfnick #arthur hastings we happy few #whfarthur #whfarthurhastings #whf arthur #nickxarthur #themakebelieves #whfthemakebelieves

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sea-side-scribbles · 3 years

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Fanfiction: Sympathy For A Downer

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22737214/chapters/80238334

Chapter 69

That night, Nick stayed with James. He needed a place to cry his heart out, and James' shoulders were very comfortable. The other man solaced him with soft words and with soft hands that stroked not only his back, but also his heart. He told James he wanted to keep a clear head, what he had sort of promised to Birdie, what Virgil probably would've liked too. “You're with me”, James assured him. “I'll take care of you, don't you worry. Besides, what's so bad about one drink?” Nick hesitated. “You'll make sure I don't mess anything up tonight?” “I will”, James said with the most comforting smile. Nick blushed. The other man was so charming, he reminded him of someone else. He just couldn't figure out who. Was it Virgil? The manager could be charming whenever he wanted, but most of the time he had rather wanted to push Nick further. James was so relaxed. He made him feel that everything would be alright, that he didn't need to hurry, and most of all, not to worry.

“Uncle Jack”, Nick whispered on the spur of the moment. James lifted his eyebrows. “You remind me of Uncle Jack”, Nick explained. James' features eased again. “Am I like an uncle to you?” Nick mused. “More like...a father...” James expression was unreadable. “Not that I know...”, Nick corrected himself, “I never had a father.” The memory just came back. “He was drafted for the war and never came back...I don't even remember what he looked like...” “I'm sorry...”, James said as if he could empathize. “I don't want to complain. My mother was good to me, perhaps even too good...She gave me everything. She spent her savings on buying me a guitar...” “Well, it wasn't in vain”, James pointed out. “I'm sure you made her proud.” “I hope so...” Nick ran a hand through his hair. “I don't know what happened to her...God, I can't remember...!” The other man gently pressed Nick's head against his chest. “The odds are that you will...” “Really?” Nick doubted it. “Think of everything you remembered since you're taking my Joy...You were sure you lost all this, right? But it's still there, in your pretty head.” James' finger poked him. Nick pondered. “I can't wait to recall my entire life again. I don't feel like a whole person. I'm just a little part of myself...It's just so sad how many people I knew and loved are gone...I wonder who's gonna be left...” “You won't be alone, Nick.” Nick looked at James, smiled and accepted the drink. It was pitch black, but with a compelling taste. The night continued, peacefully and in intimate togetherness. Nick drank more and his mind became blurry.

He awoke in a big, soft bed. Can't I stay in here forever, he thought. There's no better place in the world than a comfy bed. Well, perhaps with one exception, he noticed, looking at the empty space next to him. A better place would be in someone's arms. But there's no time to dwell on the past, he told himself. Your band is waiting and you have to face this out together. In the last moment he remembered he had put the blanket over them and now he wondered if they were awake already. Sitting up, the world around him changed it's appearance. Instead of in his own bedroom, where he thought he had gone to sleep, he was in the Wonderland Suite. There was no doubt, the windows told him it wasn't the tunnel suite. Sighing, he fell back into his bed. Not again! He was so done with his foggy head. Now, figuring out how he ended up here was such a stressful thing to do, especially in the mornings. And most of the time it didn't work out anyway, so he could just as well give up already.

His friends...well, for some reason he was sure they were save. Did he make it up with them? He listened to his inner voice. It seemed like it. He felt that he didn't have to hurry, he could have a good breakfast first and then walk back. It was a feeling he enjoyed very much. His stomach was all relaxed, except for the fact that it signalized hunger and his brain cried for coffee. All in all, nothing he could not take care of by himself. Walking along the corridor to the lounge, a thought popped up in his mind, shortly. The bills...who would pay them now? But his feeling once more assured him, he didn't have to worry. Nick was sure he wouldn't feel like this if there wasn't at least a little bit of truth behind it. Perhaps that was why he had passed out, because he had celebrated finding the solution to all his problems. The thought made him chuckle. He had no trouble giving the hotel boys a most exuberant smile and watching them having to greet him.

Looking forward to the sumptuous buffet, he entered the lounge. After picking a table and ordering coffee, he fetched his favourites from the buffet. While he was engaged in this, his gaze caught a familiar figure at a table further away. Birdie had pinned up her hair into a glorious structure of curls. She was doing great so far without Virgil, he thought. Putting his food down, he made his way to her table, wondering how she'd react after they had poured out their hearts to each other. Would she be embarrassed? Birdie noticed him when he came closer and her expression was friendly. “Good morning, Miss Callagher”, he greeted her. “Please, it's Birdie”, she said. “Alright, Birdie.” “Good morning, Nick”, she returned the greet. “Hey, I didn't mean to bother, I just saw you there and I thought I'll come over before you leave.” “Oh, it's fine. Join me, if you like. Or did you eat yet?” “No, I was getting started.” He pointed at his table. “I'll migrate.” She giggled. “Okay.” Soon, he sat with her and the waiter served his coffee.

“Finally”, Nick grabbed the cup. “Can't start the day without it.” “You're up early today”, she said. “Really?” Nick wondered how she knew how long he used to sleep. Was it so obvious? “What time is it, even?” “Only seven in the morning.” “What? What am I doing here in the middle of the night?” He shook his head. “Being hungry, perhaps.” “Right, that must be it.” He looked at her. “Are you always up that early?” “Uh-hu”, she said nodding. “Gosh, Virgil must've tortured you.” She stirred her yoghurt. “I've always been a morning person.” “Oh...”. He fell quiet, sorry that he had accused Virgil. Birdie eyed him. “How are you doing?” Nick sighed. “I'm afraid my plan of keeping my head clear...It didn't quite work out.” “You had an awful day, huh?” “Uh...actually I don't know...I must've done something right because I feel...I feel like my band is okay...” He put down the cup. “I sound ridiculous, right?” “No, I don't think so”, she replied. “Perhaps you only had too much Joy and you'll recall everything soon. Is your band here too?” Nick pondered, picking up a piece of filled pastry. “No, I'm sure they're at my place.” Suddenly, he had to smile. “They're still with me.” “I've read your reunion story...it was in the newspaper.” Nick pricked up his ears. Arthur's article...they had been sitting here, in this lounge, creating it together. Back then he had been careful not to say too much about Morrie. But despite the lies, it had been a good story.

“You did all that by yourself, without any professional businessman's help.” Was it a comment or a question? The way she said it, it could've been both. “I was also lucky...”, Nick answered. “I needed so much time to figure out what I wanted...and who I needed. I recovered my old band out of luck. And if they hadn't gone along with me the project would've been doomed from the start.” “Is it really the same band you had with 16?” “Yeah, the original Make Believes and also the best.” “Wow,” Birdie swooned and leaned back. “I had a band once when I was in school, but we parted ways afterwards. I was the only one who wanted to make music for a living.” “Well, you made it all by yourself,” Nick complimented her. “And by Virgil...”, she added. “He only gave you the finishing touch.” “You're being sweet again.” “If you say so.” She laughed. “You think you can introduce them to me?” “Sure.” Then he held up a finger. “But don't even try. They're mine.” “I know. Do you think I would...?” “I was only joking”, Nick backed away. “Oh.” She giggled. “If they want to leave me for you, that's their decision.” “Come on, you're life-long friends! Cheer up a bit!” She punched his shoulder. “Yeah, you're right...I'm such a whinger this morning.” He shook his head. “That's why I shouldn't get up early.” “Just eat more, you're all pale.” Nick touched his cheek. “Am I?” “Yeah, it's hard to see where the mask ends.” She shoved his plate closer to him. He started to eat.

“I'm only talking about myself, how are you doing?”, he asked after a while. “I guess I'll be fine. I went to Hackney's, because his fancy creations always cheer me up and he told me about a manager who's looking for a new star. Also, I have a few requests from people and if they're not all bodgers I might try my luck with one of them. They wouldn't be Virgil, but...life goes on.” Nick nodded. “Looks like you'll make it.” “It won't hurt to try.” “I'll keep my fingers crossed.” He looked at her. “Thank you”, She said smiling. “And you? Do you have anything in view?” “No requests, I'm sure of it. Who would want me anyway?”, he said jokingly. “Now come on, the Golden God! Who would not want you?” “I'm a life task”, he assured her. “Getting me out of bed and on stage, making me remember the gigs, the songs, the chords and then getting me back home in one piece...I need someone enduring.” “Or someone assertive”, she chuckled. “Looks like General Byng is the right one for you.” “Oh, please no!” She laughed. “Oh, yes! I'll send him a message if you're too shy.” “How could you do this to me?” “I only want to help.” “You want to torture me until the end of my days!” “Well, maybe.” “This is what I get for being sweet...”, Nick lamented. “I better get back to bed and forget this happened.” “Aww, and I was so looking forward to solve your problem.” “You can take him. He'll like you more than me, I'm sure of it.” “But I'm a good girl, I don't need a general to push me around.” “Are you sure, Miss I'll-take-another-round?” “Now you're being petty!”, she played shocked. “I wonder if the general would approve.” They burst into laughter, what made the other guests look at them and screw up their noses.

Nick finished his breakfast and felt how he regained his strength, not only because of the food. “You're looking much better now”, Birdie commented. “Even better? How is that possible?” “Supercilious oaf”, she muttered. “What was that?” “Confident as always, our Nicky”, she said with the silkiest smile. “And miss Birdie never minces her words”, he said with a little bow. “I wish I could stay”, she sighed happily, “but I already have an appointment with one of my hopefully future managers.” “Good luck with that”, Nick answered. “I go see what my friends are really doing and make them presentable for a lady like you.” “Good luck with that, too”, she said laughing. “I'll need it.”

Nick left the hotel in a much better mood and stopped by his statue to say a few words to the manager he still missed. “Hey, Virgil”, he whispered. “I feel like everything will turn out alright, at least with the band. I hope I'm not wrong. That doesn't mean you'll ever be replaced.” More thoughtfully, he stepped closer to the statue, eyeing it's arms, as if there was something he should see. “If you could tell me what happened...give me a sign...please try...I'm groping in the dark here. You knew something, right? And that...killed you. It's so unfair.” More pensive, he turned away from the memorial and started to descend the stairs. “I'll be back”, he promised.

The day was nonetheless pretty. The sun was shining and even though the cold breeze told him it was undoubtedly autumn, the air was so clear that Nick felt like he could breathe freely again in a long time. The blue sky only had a few clouds scattered over it. He actually froze in his tracks to watch the sky. It was strange to see it being only blue, after it had been a bright kaleidoscope of colours for him most of the time. It was just a simple blue, but he found it pretty. It was so pure, so calm. It made him consider that maybe the good times weren't over yet. That there could be more.

Coming home, he figured that Constable Hunt likely thought the same, because he acted rather cheerfully. “Is everything alright?”, Nick asked the usually wary man. “Right as rain, sir, right as rain. Not that there is any rain.” He laughed. “The band still inside?”, Nick went on, fingers crossed. “Sure, nobody left the house today and I'm certain they're having a jolly good time.” “Okay...Anything else happening today?” “No, nothing worth the mention yet”, his happy Constable assured him. “Besides...I'd really like to try that Constable Rossetti's wife's cake.” Nick had nothing smart to say to that. Perhaps everything was simply alright this time, and why should it not be? He had really turned mistrusting in the past few days, perhaps it was time to move on. Inside, he heard his friends' happy chattering from the living room and joined up with them, smiling widely. “Hey, lads, how are you doing?” He froze when he saw who they had gathered around. “Nicky, you've been out for so long, I hope you've been good?”, Chris asked, half jokingly and half seriously. All eyes were on Nick now. “Or else you'll have to confess to our new manager”, Matt added, gesturing towards the man in their middle with a nod of his head. “New manager...”, Nick muttered. “You consulted me yourself, don't you remember, Nick?”, James said, giving him a wink. “I'm the substitute, as long as Mr. Dainty is recovering on holiday.” “Oh...well, I actually did...”, Nick was still struggling to understand. “Whoa, really? I'm sorry Nick, I thought you were screwing us over again,” Chris blurted out. “Me too...well...I wasn't sure...”, Matt said. “Why didn't you tell us?” They gathered around him now. “Because...because it was meant to be a surprise”, Nick played on. He received cheers and shoulder pats, but he only had eyes for James. “Now that this is settled, may I ask where you keep your documents? I'm sure they badly need a review”, James wanted to know. “Any new bills, Nicky?”, Brad added playfully. “Er...not yet, I think...”, Nick stuttered.

The cheerful band moved apart to free Nick, who then went to show James the way to the improvised office Virgil had established in a guest room. “This is it...uh...it might be a bit unorganised by now...” Nick found unopened letters on the desk and the blower was full of messages. “They could be fan mails though...” “It's fine, I can read my way through them”, James calmed him down. Nick watched him picking up the letters. He was still stunned. James noticed his eyes on him and locked gazes with his friend and protégé. “I'm sorry I caught you off-guard”, he said empathically. “I hope you don't mind having me as your manager, or at least as an assistance until you find a new manager you like.” Nick shook his head. “No, I don't mind...I want you around...” He blinked. “I just can't cope...First it looked like everything was falling apart and fate hated me but now so many good things happen to me all at once and I...I don't know how to feel...” He blinked again and a single tear ran down his cheek. James offered him a hug that Nick thankfully accepted.

The night was cold, but Nick didn't freeze. His new manager had taken him to a stroll and he followed the other man loyally. Jack was glad about the progress the boy had made. His trust into his mentor was unabated, even after the last events, when they had faced a little bit of trouble. Jack figured he still had to learn how to treat Nick's peaceable nature, but also with him, the boy was forgiving. So, the mentor's trust in Nick was just as unabated. Their stroll went peacefully, too. Jack had no certain target this time, he only wanted to spend time with Nicky and to see how he'd react all by himself. Nick had taken his hand as soon as they had left the town with all it's security devices. He seemed to like it more outside and Jack could understand him. What had surprised him was how well he got along in the Garden District. He knew many of the plants he most likely never saw in town, he knew what to use them for and he recalled certain places. “How do you know all this?”, Jack had asked him once. “Arthur told me”, Nick had told him, and his expression had turned lovingly. “He went into the Garden District with you?”, Jack had wondered. Nick had nodded proudly. “What were you doing in there?” Jack had been curious about the Downer's plans. “Oh...you know...”, Nick had giggled. “What lovers do.” “Didn't he know it was dangerous to go there?” “Not for him”, Nick had been certain. “He can defend himself.” Then Nick had given him a sheepish grin. “He taught me a few things...”

Jack had noticed with pleasure how Nick's anxiety against attackers had waned. Fighting had never been Jack's main goal, he used to hide in the shadows, or the very practical fog and took his victims by surprise. But Nick couldn't do that yet. However, he could fight back, and Jack could use that to his advantage. Or, he could simply use it to go for a nice walk with his friend without having to worry that he might get hurt. Nick's pace became faster, and he seemed to eagerly pull at Jack's hand. “What's the hurry, my friend?”, Jack asked in an amused tone. “I want to show you something,” Nick explained, proving once more that he knew his way around. Jack gladly let him take the lead. It was funny how even the Wastrels went to bed at curfew like ordinary Wellies would do. The few plough boys claimed the place at night and Jack was mostly free to go wherever he wanted. Nick avoided them with confidence and guided his mentor into a forest, where it went darker. “Oh, spooky”, Jack said, facing Nick with his red eyes. Their glow was easier to see now that it was darker. Nick's irises were shimmering slightly. Their green rather turned into an orange. For now, that was. “We have to cross through this”, his protégé told him. “I know the way.” “Can you see in here?” Jack wondered if Blackberry Joy granted him night vision. “A little”, Nick admitted. “But we're almost there.” His look was begging. “Go on then, but be careful.” They went through the woods that Nick crossed just as certainly than he had crossed the ruins. When he began to pull at his hand more, Jack knew they were reaching their destiny. He was filled with tension.

“There”, Nick swooned, pointing forward. They had reached the coastal cliff, and from up above they could see the wide ocean that surrounded the little holms of Wellington Wells, keeping them apart from the rest of the world. It lay in darkness. The few stars that had managed to break through the clouds reflected in the waves, showing how the water was steadily moving. “Isn't it beautiful?” Jack had to admit this place had it's beauty. It was also a very romantic scene. “Did Arthur show you this?” “Yes”, Nick answered with a melancholic smile. Jack was moved. He put an arm around the boy, comforting him while they watched the waves swell. He could barely see where the water ended and the sky began. “You're right. It's beautiful.” Nick lifted up his head and eyed him, like asking a silent question. Jack's hand fondled Nick's back. He assumed he knew what the boy was asking. Looking down to Nick, he began to stroke his cheek. Then he pulled him into a tighter embrace. Nick seemed to put up with it, leaning into the hug and remaining silent. Jack decided they would spend the night in peace this time. He could grant the boy a break and give him some time to show his affection. And perhaps even Jack needed a break himself. He sat down and Nick went along, clutching him.

Jack thought it was one of the best nights in his life, just being here, enjoying their closeness. Nick seemed to be happy, too. One time, he picked up a stone from the ground and tossed it down the cliff. They listened closely. “I can't hear it land”, Nick whispered. “That's because it fell very, very deep.” Nick eyed the ocean. “Can you swim?” “Oh...I remember swimming, so I guess I can...” Jack was taken aback by memories. “I think I can't”, Nick said regretfully and pulled out a stalk of grass. “If we could swim, we could get out of here, let all this behind us.” “But Nick, where would you go?” “I don't know”, the boy said pouting. “Somewhere nice. What about a desert island, only for us two? No haters, no critics, only us and the coconut palms.” Jack had to smile at that. “You mean, like going on holiday?” “Yeah, why can't we go for once?” “Because we're not done yet, my friend.” He patted Nick's back. “We can still have so much fun here. You won't be bored, trust me.” “We'll have fun?” “Yes. A lot”, Jack said firmly. “Can you teach me how to swim?” “Sure...” Nick stretched himself and put his cheek against his mentor's. They stayed like this for a while, an uncertain hug.

Sadly, also this night passed, like every other, and they had to go back. The walk though the forest was easier now, since it was a little bit lighter, and Jack too knew the way. Outside, Nick was avoiding the guards again, except for that one time when he suddenly went astray, letting go the hand of his mentor and protector and leaving in a fast pace. “Nick?”, Jack hissed, startled and angry. He had allowed himself to dwell in thoughts, living the moment and seemingly his protégé had made use of that. Had he lied about his affection? “Nick, come back! This is not the time to play hide and seek!” He followed the defiant brat and next to a ruin a made a find. Nick looked at him with wide eyes, apologizing. He knelt in the grass, keeping company with the body of a Wastrel. Nick's knife had already left it's marks in the bare, skinny chest. Jack couldn't tell how much life had been in the man when Nick found him. But it didn't matter. Touched once more, Jack kneeled down himself, looking lovingly at Nick and watching him do his delicate work from a distance. If he was a father for him, he was a very proud one.

Memories overwhelmed him again. Happy moments he had with his family. Moments he didn't know they would be the last memories he'll have of them. They were so far away now. It had been another life, another self. Now he was reclaiming a little bit of his old life back. He was watching Nicky just the way he would've watched his little Margaret building a sand castle. Or crafting one of her dolls. Even though she made most of them in secret. But she often came and proudly presented her work. She had been so talented! Perhaps she would've found her way around in Germany... Jack gasped. Oh, glorious Blackberry wisdom, you never grant me oblivion... “James?”, Nick approached him carefully. Jack looked up to him, struggling to smile. “You did well, my boy.” He now saw that Nick held out a blood-tripping heart. “This is for you.” Jack was baffled. He let Nick put the heart into his shivering hands. After looking at it for a while in silence, he broke out in tears.

#we happy few #whf #wehappyfew #nick lightbearer #nicklightbearer #whf nick #whfnick #foggyjack #whf foggy jack #foggy jack #themakebelieves #whfthemakebelieves

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sea-side-scribbles · 3 years

Text

Fanfiction: Sympathy For A Downer

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22737214/chapters/79768111

Chapter 68

Nick walked back through the hallway in a comforting trance that persisted until he stood outside again. It was night now and he shouldn't be outside. He could approach his own statue without his stomach turning. Looking at it for a while, he felt closer to his manager and friend now than he had felt at this place before. Virgil had left so many good memories, he was sure he'd never forget him. “I wish I knew what happened...”, he sighed. “Now I have to get along without you and I don't know...” Nick gulped. “I don't know if I'll find a reason to go on...” He wondered if that was a good thing to say to Virgil and what his manager would've wanted. “If I died in my own bathtub that day...would you've grieved for me or would you've closed the chapter, marked me as a failure and moved on with Birdie as your new star...? You know, whenever I met you and you were so caring to me again, I couldn't believe you were about to leave me...But now I wonder...” He sighed again. “What kind of person am I to ask you that now? I still love you, you know?” Impetuously, Nick wiped his dry eyes. “Good night, Virgil”, he whispered. Down the stairway, he went as slowly as he had ascended. It was like a meditation exercise. He needed a new manager but he couldn't imagine having anyone else but Virgil. At the bottom of the stairs, he took a deep breath. Time to look after his friends.

With the first Bobby he saw, he begged and pleaded, playing drunk and lost, until the tall man took heart and gave him a fireman's lift. The certainty that he would be home soon calmed Nick down. He was half asleep when he heard Constable Hunt's voice. “Mr. Lightbearer! Is he alright?” “Yeah, yeah, only pickled...”, the other Bobby said. Nick felt how he was handed over. Hunt's arms held him soon after. “What are you doing?”, Hunt whispered to him. “What are you doing?” Nick stirred, stretched himself and yawned. His improvised taxi waited until he got his share, then he contentedly walked away. Hunt brought the seemingly sloshed rockstar inside and placed him on the couch. “Are you hurt?”, he asked, not sure if the answer would be useful. “Nu-uh”, Nick slurred. Hunt sighed. The rockstar would've told him if he had an owie, for sure. He'd normally keep on and on about it. Hunt also found no blood on him, so he gave him a pat on the shoulder and went outside again.

Nick waited until the Bobby had closed the front door behind him, before he got up. First, he took a look around in the living room, then the kitchen, wondering where his band was. Did they leave him? Worried, he walked up the stairs. “Hey! Guys, where are you?”, he shouted. He didn't get an answer. They could be asleep, of course. Nick went to their guestrooms and opened the doors, only to see them being empty. When he looked into the last of them and found it empty too, his mood plummeted. And he became anxious. Was this whole project dead? Still, there was the third floor. It's quietness wasn't inviting, but Nick ascended the stairs nonetheless. He had to be sure. It hurt to see the white piano that carved out it's miserable existence in a corner. He had gotten it on a whim. He could play it tolerably, he found, but in the past days he had looked forward for his lover to play it once. His hands fondled the keys. The poor thing. And poor Morrie, he would've liked it.

He went into the party room, where he had his stage. There, he was gobsmacked to come upon his friends, lying on the floor, asleep. The sight brought him to the edge of tears again. Still here, despite everything. Their positions didn't look too comfortable, they must've more or less passed out. The amount of empty bottles on the bar told him a story of probably drowning sorrows in alcohol. Well, who was he to judge them? Solaced, he walked out, down the stairs again and into his bedroom. He noticed how tired he was himself, but he had a little bit of energy left. Opening the drawers in his dresser, he found a blanket and pulled it out. It would have to do. Sneaking back up the stairs, he went to his sleeping friends and lay the blanket over them. With that and the carped underneath them, they should be fine, Nick concluded. Smiling faintly, he went back to his bedroom and crawled onto his bed. He didn't have to wait for long until his fatigue won out over him.

He awoke in bright daylight. Absently, he enjoyed it for a time, thinking it could be a wonderful day. If only he didn't have to live his life right now. More sadly, he eyed the empty space next to him. Then he ran a hand over the sheets where a lovely Downer once had lain. Closing his eyes, he recalled how his body had felt, the smell of his soft hair, his loving smile he'll never see again...The memory brought about more tears. Nick felt very alone. But he still had to save his band and that made him push himself forward. Even though that meant coming to terms with them again. Nick was afraid to talk to Matt again. He was afraid he could've told Brad and Chris everything and had turned them against him too. Chris had seen blood on him. And Brad probably believed Matt anyway since the two were close. And still, he had to go through this. Once again. Nick gulped. When would the begging be finally over? When would they start to believe he really meant it?

He got up and went into the bathroom to take a glance at himself in the mirror. Not too good, he thought. Even if he ignored his red eyes, the mask was dirty, he would have to take his spare one. His wig was blowsed, the shiny strands standing on end. He took his comb, but then hesitated. Didn't they like him more without it? He grabbed the wig and pulled it down, freeing his own uncombed hair. Great. It looked even worse. And now it would hurt. Well, beauty knows no pain, Nick pushed himself further and went through the painful procedure of putting his stubborn hair in order. Even combed, it looked weird with the mask, so it felt easier to take it off. He quickly washed his face and shaved, letting the little bit of fluff stay where his desired moustache was. The mask just didn't stick to the face properly if he kept too much facial hair, so this had to do. Well, it wasn't like he still had reporters in his house... Ready but not really, he left the bathroom. He heard some muffled noise from downstairs that made him assume the others were awake. Nick felt like it was a show he wasn't prepared for. I don't feel alright, Virgil. Can't you cancel this gig?

Going down the stairs, the muffled noise went louder. Instead of multiple voices speaking it was rather just one, the one everybody knew. The telly was most likely on. Jack hopefully had happy news. He hesitated to go into the living room. He felt like he needed caffeine first, but what would he look like, giving a speech about his innocence while holding a coffee mug? Ridiculous, yes. At the doorframe he stopped, looking into Uncle Jack's happy face on screen. There went nothing. “Hey, guys”, he said. “Sssh, I want to hear this...!”, Matt hissed. Nick fell quiet. Brad looked over the armrest to see their meek guitarist. “Norbert”, he said in surprise. “I haven't seen you in years!” “That's Nick, dummy”, Chris corrected him without looking. “Yeah?” He looked closer. Nick tried a smile. “Uh yeah, it's me, Nick...” “Whoa”, Brad commented. “Why can't you guys shut up?”, Matt complained, but he turned around to greet the intruder. “Hey, Nick, come here, you missed half the show.” Nick came closer and the fact that he could sit down next to Matt without receiving a punch staggered him. He noticed they had taken the blanket with them and spread it out over them. Matt suddenly eyed Nick and Nick returned the gaze as innocently as he could. Would Matt remember? His pupils were pint-sized. The result of their staring contest was Matt tossing the edge of the blanket over him and then looking back at the screen. Hardly believing his luck, Nick accepted the warming cover and remained quiet, eyeing his friends that were so amazed by Uncle Jack that they didn't take further notice of their defiant guitarist.

On the coffee table, biscuits and sandwiches were scattered. They made Nick wonder how much was still left in his fridge. Someone had to take care of that, too. But not now, he decided and helped himself. When he started to move, Chris darted a glance at him. Nick froze in his tracks and looked at his friend. He was surprised to see the other man smile shortly and then turn back to the telly. They laughed out loud about one of Jack's jokes and Nick just watched them, baffled. Eventually, Jack had to say goodbye, but not without announcing the coming up program. Still, when the test card appeared on screen, they complained. “Already?”, Matt moaned. “Aw man, I wish his shows were longer. A couple of hours would be cool.” “Yeah, a day-long special, I'd watch it”, Brad agreed. “I guess poor Jack needs a rest now and then”, Nick tossed in. “Maybe...I just can't stop watching this guy...Hey, you missed half the show”, Matt said. “Any news?”, Nick asked. “News...You missed the Downer jokes.” “Oh...” “What's the difference between a Downer and a bolt?” “Uh...” “You don't hammer a bolt.”

Nick tried to laugh as good as he could. He had used to laugh at these jokes, too. “That's great, yeah...”, he pretended. “Are you okay?” Matt lifted an eyebrow. “Sure, snug as a bug.” Nick forced a grin. “You took your mask off”, Brad noticed. “That's why I didn't recognize you.” “Well, I...I thought you like me more like that... Matt leaned closer. “Show me your eyes.” Nick turned his head away and reflexively moved to get up, but second later, he had Brad's fingers clutching his arm and pinning him down. “Sssh, Norbert.” Chris got up and walked towards him. Nick gave his friends pleading looks. He did take his Joy, but he didn't know what Blackberry Joy did to his eyes. If it did anything at all. “Looks good to me”, Matt said. “Yeah”, Chris approved. “Except for his not-smiling.” “What's wrong with you, Nicky? Got a bad badge?” “No, I...I feel splendid”, Nick assured them. “Just take another...”, Chris held out his hand to him. A pink pill lay in it. Nick looked at Brad, but the drummer didn't let go. “You'll be fine, just take your Joy.” Nick reluctantly obeyed, taking the pill between two fingers. Three pairs of eyes watched him putting the drug in his mouth and gulping. “There you go...” Matt patted his shoulder, and Brad let go. Nick felt unwell, hiding the pill under his tongue.

“Have you heard anything from Virgil?”, he asked meekly. “Oh, right, that was in the news you missed”, Matt took it up. “Not even you knew your manager would fuck us over?” “Uhm...” “He went on holiday”, Chris said. “Now.” He shook his head. “Did we stress him out that much?” “I...I guess so...”, Nick stuttered. Brad patted his back. “Now, now, don't lose your head over this. It also means we have more free time.” “Right, we're on holiday now too!,” Chris said as if he looked forward to it. “Uh...what if he's not on holiday?”, Nick brought up. Matt gave him a questioning look. “What do you mean, not on holiday?” “Don't you remember what happened yesterday?” “No, why should we?” “Looked like a good time though”, Chris remarked, probably thinking about the bar they had emptied. “Did we drink him under the table?”, Matt asked. “Is he in a coma now?” They stared at him again.

“Come on, Norbert, say something. What's up with Virgil?”, Brad urged him. Nick's head span. He waved them off. “Ah...it's nothing...I...I just thought out loud...I'm sorry, I'm a bit out of it this morning.” He wrapped the blanket tighter around himself and fell quiet. Brad shrugged. “Alright.” “Need another?” Matt offered him more Strawberry Joy. Nick hesitated, then he fetched the pill from his friend's hand. He wouldn't pop this either. “Guys, I have an appointment I can't miss, can I trust you to behave while I'm gone?”, he said standing up. They laughed. “We're all respectable Wellies, you know?”, Chris said. “You're the one we have to watch, Nicky.” “Be a good boy, you hear me?”, Matt added. “And put your mask back on”, Brad reminded him. Nick promised everything and went into his bedroom to prepare, spitting out the pink pill. He was eager to leave.

Some time later, he dashed into James' arms. The other man held him close, running a hand over Nick's head. It didn't take long until the tears came back. Nick had to cling to their closeness for a long time before he felt good enough to let go. Searching for words, he then eyed the floor. “What is it, Nick?”, his friend asked in a soft tone. “James, I'm at the end of the line! I lost all at once! Arthur left me, Virgil is dead and my band is overdosing on Joy...”, the words poured out. “I can't go on without a manager! I'm a walking chaos already, and now my friends...I need someone to get my life organized, to pay all my bills...this is the end of me! He wrapped his arms around himself. “I'm sorry you spent so much time on me, all for nothing...” James put an arm around him and pressed him gently against his chest. “Now, now, it's not over yet, my golden boy. I know how much Virgil meant to you and I can't easily fix the hole Arthur left in your heart, but believe me, good old James has some more aces up his sleeve.” Nick gave him a wide-eyed look. “You can help me?” James' hand drew little circles on Nick's upper arm. “I think so.” Nick lowered his head again and let it rest on his friend's chest. “Am I dreaming?” “No”, James soft voice assured him. “You're wide awake, and you're with me...” Nick lay his arms around the other man again. “I'm so glad I can trust you...” James smiled. “I'm glad you trust me.” Nick returned the smile and enjoyed to be in his soulmate's arms for some more time.

“Do you want to stay?”, James went on. Nick thought about it. “I shouldn't leave my friends alone...I'm so afraid something might happen to them too...I have to protect them, even if they'd hate me if they remembered what happened...” “Why would they hate you?” “Because of what I did to Morrie, because of Arthur and because every time someone I love gets killed, I end up in a strange coincidence that makes me look suspicious...It's like the killer is playing with me.” “And your good friends now think you're a murderer?” Nick shook his head. “They're not thinking anything right now! Yesterday, they knew he was dead, but this morning they heard Uncle Jack say Virgil is on holiday and they bought it!” Nick hung his head. “I wonder if I'm the reason why they overdosed. Honestly, I don't know what I would think if I were them...I just wish they'd be back in their senses and on my side...I had been shit to them in the past, but I was never evil.” “I can well believe it,” James affirmed. Nick lit up a bit but it didn't last long. “I wonder if I was evil to Arthur...” James lifted his eyebrows. “Did he lose his trust in you so suddenly?” Nick eyed the floor again. “He found out about Morrie...He figured I wasn't worth it...” His eyes watered again. “It's like you said, I lost them both...Now I wish I told them the truth.” “Do you think they'd have acted differently?” Nick sighed deeply. “I guess Arthur...Arthur would've left me anyway...He...He actually had no time for me in any case...” James gave him a questioning look.

“All he wanted was to find his lost brother...He said he's in...Germany...The train...” A shadow flashed over he other man's face. For a second, he looked harassed, but it was gone before Nick could really notice it. “I've never seen the train myself”, Nick went on. “I was too old to go, and I didn't want to watch it, so I ran away and hid in a shack to smoke.” Guilt crept into his voice. “You were still very young. You didn't have to watch it. No child...should've experienced this...” James' eyes glazed over, as if he was looking at an image in his mind. “Arthur must've suffered...without Joy...”, Nick whispered. “You couldn't know”, James comforted him. “Your fates simply went into different ways.” Nick pressed his head into the other man's suit, wetting it with tears. “It still hurts...I feel guilty for not telling him the truth, but also, I had no clue who he was...I mean if I knew...If I knew he'd leave me anyway...I wouldn't have...I wouldn't have betrayed Morrie...”, he sobbed. James held him again, stroking him. “See, you're not the only one making mistakes...” “You mean I should forgive Arthur? Well, I do! God, I wish he came back!”, Nick cried. “He'll be happier now”, James said quietly. “And possibly even you too...” Nick was shaken by a crying fit, so James silently walked him into the living room and sat down with him, letting him wet his shoulder and patting his back in return.

#we happy few #whf #wehappyfew #nicklightbearer #whf nick #whfnick #whfnicklightbearer #the make believes #themakebelieves #whfthemakebelieves #foggyjack #whf foggy jack #foggy jack

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sea-side-scribbles · 3 years

Text

Fanfiction: Sympathy For A Downer

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22737214/chapters/72230025

Chapter 50

"Hunt, it's me", Nick said to the bobby who had started to investigate the suspicious noise that came from the backyard. "Mr. Lightbearer, you had me worried." "Oh, no worries, Hunt. I just needed to stretch my legs a bit", he waved him off. "I see..., well, you know, you should tell me whenever you leave the house. It's dangerous to be outside at night. I could keep you company. Or better, you pop a Joy and stay happy inside." "But Hunt, your colleagues take care of me just fine. And they need a bit of attention now and then", he said with a wink. "Uh...haha, sure, but I must insist this time. You shouldn't break the curfew anymore, I suggest for the next two months." Nick began to wonder. "Are you serious? What's wrong?" "Oh, nothing, Sir, just a precaution. The curfew applies for everyone after all." "Hunt, I don't talk to you when you're like that". Nick turned around and left. Fancy, he thought. Suddenly it's all about law and order or what. I should abandon him outside for a few days, without my usual hospitality and free meals, so he remembers how exhausting law and order actually are.

When he heard loud music from inside, his mood lit up again. He liked that his house wasn't empty anymore, that he came home to be welcomed by friends. The song that was playing wasn't one his own, what was a welcome change. The noise however sounded as if they were tearing down the house. He quickly got rid of his wig and everything that didn't appeal to Morrie, and went to see what was going on. They didn't notice him because of the music and also because they were absorbed in a game of football, by the looks of it. Nick walked into the middle of the room and picked up the ball. Immediately, he had their attention.

"Hey, Nick, you're back. How are you doing?", Chris asked. "Did they really let you go, or did you break out?", Brad wanted to know. He made Nick grin. "Guess what, they really let me out this time." "You're looking good", Matt said. "Thanks..." Nick adjusted his hair. "...for your age", his friend added and Nick sighed. "I can't believe I fell for that." "Just kidding, you're really looking good", Matt came around. "Do you feel as good?" "Yeah, I'm snug as a bug", Nick answered happily. "I'll outrun you all!" And with that, he kicked the ball and continued the game.

They cheerfully ran around, free from all the restrictions outside. Since Nick had seen the Garden District, he knew what he missed in town. The few sessions of 'Simon Says' in front of the TV weren't the same. And the way his friends romped about, Nick assumed they felt the same, even though none of them would confess it. He didn't care anymore if something got broken, it would be worth it. Only when the ball hit the wrong spot on his head, he had to pause.

Pressing a hand against his head, he moaned. "Did I hurt you?", Brad was alerted. "Let me see." Nick reluctantly put his hand away and let his friend palpate the wound. "You have a real lump there, buddy." Nick jumped when he pressed against it. "Ow, be careful, it's painful enough as it is!" "That wasn't the ball", Brad stated and wiped Nick's hair aside to take a closer look at it. "No, I got it this morning", Nick admitted, shooing Brad's way too curious hands away and hiding the lump again with his own.

"Wait...during your therapy?", Morrie asked. Nick shrugged. "What are they doing with you?" "You also have bruises on your arm", Matt noticed. Nick's sleeve had moved up and revealed the spot where the headboy had grabbed him. Nick promptly shoved the sleeve back down. "It's nothing, okay? I'm alright." "Did they give you some healing balm?" Chris looked worried too. "Sure." "Doesn't look like it, though." "Since when are you a doctor?" Nick protested.

Of course, he hadn't patched himself up when he had been with Arthur. He hadn't mentioned the bruises again, so that Arthur wouldn't feel bad about them. In addition, he found they weren't too bad if no one touched them.

"You need that balm at least", Brad decided. "You have some at home, right? Come on, sit down." He shoved Nick to the next couch in sight. "If it makes you feel better", Nick moaned and did as he was told. "Just behave Nicky, that one time we're trying to help you". Chris patted his shoulder. Nick mused. "You should find some balm in my bathroom cabinet." "I found it yet", he heard Morrie shout from the upper floor. When he came back, Brad snatched the balm out of his hands and joined Nick on the couch.

Opening the lid, he said: "This won't take long. Just put out your little arm, my darling." Nick rolled his eyes and showed him the bruise. While Brad rubbed the balm in, he had to admit that it's cold was refreshing and he liked how his friends cared about him. "Something on the other arm?", Brad asked. Nick shook his head and pulled up his sleeve to prove it. The arm was unscathed, at least the lower part. But Brad didn't go so far as undressing him. He stroked his hair away and this time, Nick helped him. He jumped again and held his breath when his friend touched the wound.

"What kind of doctor would let you go without healing you?", Morrie said shaking his head. "I'm glad I could go", Nick promptly said. "And I didn't make a fuss about it, so they probably didn't notice - are you greasing my hair?" Brad chuckled. "I can't do anything about it. Just wait a bit before you wash it out." "Okay." "So, that's it." Brad eyed his work. "Or is there more?" Nick shook his head. "If it happens again, just tell us. It'll bother you more if you ignore it and you need to be fit for your next performance." "Oh, that's why", Nick said grinning. "And I thought it's about me." "It's not always about you, Nicky", Brad teased him, laughing and leaving to put the balm back. Nick acted disgusted. "And I let you live here, smashing my furniture." "Hey, we didn't break anything yet", Matt fought him off, tossing the ball to Chris. "How boring", Chris said catching it. "I guess we're getting old." "We're getting wise", Matt corrected him. Chris laughed and made a dumb face.

"So what, fancy another match?", Nick urged them. "If you can", Chris answered, more seriously than teasing. "Come on, I'm not an invalid." When Brad came back, Chris asked him: "Can Nicky play with us or should he go to bed?" "Hey", Nick protested. "I'll do what I want, If you like it or not." He stuck his tongue out. "Adorable as always, our little one", Brad said. "That's fine with me but don't cry later." "We'll see who's crying." They played on and Nick took care that he wouldn't hurt any of his bruises again. He indeed had more, but he wasn't keen on showing them all. He managed not to pause the game again and they played until they were dead beat and gathering around his bar to relax.

"I'm so hungry", Nick said eventually. "I haven't eaten anything since this morning. Why don't we go somewhere nice and stuff ourselves?" "Good idea", Chris agreed. "Do you remember the 'Swing A Leg'?" "Oh, sure, how could I forget that?" "I'm afraid I'm too tired to swing any legs", Morrie said. "And when I remember it right, they put more value to their dancing than their cooking." Matt chuckled. "That's true. I wouldn't go there if I was really hungry." "Did we ever try the Avalon before?", Brad asked. "Yeah, only for a hundred times already", Nick said. "Yeah, you, Nick, but us ordinary mortals haven't been as lucky." "That's true", Chris agreed. "We only had breakfast once. We should go for a real meal this time. I think we deserve it." "Alright, okay", Nick gave in. "We can even sleep in my suite so we don't have to leave before curfew." "Sounds like a great plan", Brad approved.

They put on the most unflashy clothes they had, so they could walk to the hotel without being bothered. It also helped that most of the Wellies were still at work. The band was cheerful. Nick changed glances with Morrie to make sure he had fun too. When Morrie's look couldn't be more loving, it made Nick's heart beat faster and he was smiling happier than everyone else on Joy. When they said goodbye to Constable Hunt, the man shouted: "But be back before curfew, will you?" "Don't worry Hunt, we'll stay overnight. Just take good care of my home." "Of course." Hunt seemed to be very duteous.

"What happened to him?", Nick wondered loudly. "He's so petty all of a sudden." Chris stepped in. "First of all he should be like this, if only you didn't have such priviledges..." Nick rolled his eyes. "And secondly, there's rumours again." Nick had a bad feeling. "What rumours?" "Uh well, when we had breakfast in this café..." "Café Luna", Matt helped him out. "Yeah that. People were talking...They said Foggy Jack sent another one on holiday last night..." Nick felt sick. "Then we should indeed be careful." "We are. We'll stay in the hotel." Chris shrugged. "Really, if Foggy Jack was real, don't you think we would know what he looks like? Think at all the bobbies that patrol here." He pointed at a Constable who just passed by them. They greeted each other and went their ways. "...and still nobody ever saw him", he continued. "Yeah...it's weird...", Nick said. "But who would make this up? And why?" "Doesn't the fog cause halluzinations if you stay in it for too long?", Matt asked. "But you know if someone is dead or not." "Guys, this is all very interesting, but if you don't plan on becoming Downers, you should probably change the topic", Brad commented their conversation. "If Nick's asking...", Chris defended himself. "He deserves to know after all."

Nick looked around to all the happy Wellies, walking by the colorfully patterned facades. It was hard to believe that something horrible had happened in here, only a few hours ago. He racked his brains but couldn't recall what he had done that night before he had woken up with Arthur. He had gone outside because he had wanted to be alone and think. And then what? Then he must've stayed somewhere, but his mind was all foggy. For all he knew, he could've actually been in therapy. Had he visited James? And he had brought him back to his tunnel as he had done it before, even though Nick had no clue how? He liked this version much more than this nagging suspense.

The band had long moved on to happier topics. Soon, they ascended the stairs to the Avalon Hotel and found his golden statue. "Look who's there?", Chris asked. "No idea, I've never seen this bloke before", Nick said dryly. "Are you their honorary guest or something?" Chris climbed the pedestal. "No, it's only for the convention...they don't like me much in here, actually", Nick admitted, watching him. Chris patted the metal. "How much did it cost to set this up?" "I don't know, Virgil took care of that. But don't worry, we could set up the entire band, so he won't be lonely anymore." Brad laughed. "That'd block the entrance for good." "We could make them bigger, so people can walk through under our legs", Matt suggested. "That would scare everyone off", Morrie stated. "Oh, come on, Morrie, don't you want to be cast in gold?", Chris asked from up above. "I like golden records more", the pianist said. They laughed, Chris left the statue and they went inside.

Nick was glad they laughed it away and didn't complain about how unfair it was. There were more statues of himself in the hotel, that caught Nick's eye just now that he wished they weren't there. His friends didn't mention them and he hoped it was because the luxurious furnishing distracted them. They didn't marvel as much as Arthur had since they were used to expensive hotels already. In the restaurant, he sat down next to Morrie, shortly touching his foot with his own. "Do you know that our record is a best seller?", his lover asked promptly. "Yeah? I had no idea! You have to tell me everything that happened today!" "Virgil told us", Brad explained. "He was quite busy and didn't give us the exact numbers, but he sounded quite pleased." "So, we made it". Nick beamed at him. The news raised his spirits. He looked forward to finally be popular and wanted again. Shortly after, they received the menu and began to leaf through it.

"Can you recommend anything?", Morrie asked him. "I suppose you tested this extensively." "I know what you would like", Nick answered and turned the page. Chris dropped the menu. "I can't decide. Why don't we take everything?" "Now come on", Brad said. "I'm serious. Just one big plate in the middle of the table, first the starters, then the main dish and lastly the desserts." "Okay, but can we take a pick? A few dishes per course or so? That should be enough", Morrie suggested. Chris grinned. "Nicky is hungry." "If it's not enough for Nicky he can place an extra order, right, Nicky?", Morrie asked. "It's gonna be okay, the helpings aren't too stinted."

Nick described the meals to them because he had tested most of them, also with Arthur, and so they took their picks. Then they started to talk about all the pubs and restaurants they had visited, the good and the bad ones, and happily exchanged memories. When the dishes were served, Nick thought about Arthur, who now had to do with his meagre supplies again. He considered to save something for him, if there were any leftovers. His friends were tucking in, just like him. Also Morrie, who tried to preserve his dignity, couldn't hide how hungry he was. Nick had always felt like only the Avalon's meals were satisfying, as if they treated them differently here.

"I guess I was right", he said to his lover who helped himself to a second portion. "Indeed", he said quietly, so that only Nick could hear it. "It's delicous. How come you never invited me for dinner?" "Uh...we've been busy with other things", Nick stuttered, developing a bad conscience. It had never occured to him how much Morrie had missed good food. "Also pleasant things", he added. Morrie smiled. "Never mind, Norrie. I'm just yanking your chain." Nick relaxed. "You're right though. We should have a dinner." "Surprise me", Morrie whispered, causing Nick's heart to beat faster. He loved that, their secret closeness, every little intimation, every seemingly random touch, all the whispering, exchanging looks, it made moments like this even more exciting.

Sometime, someone started with the colorful cocktails. Someone always started it and the others went along. Nick loved that stuff anyway. It reminded him of the pubs in their early days, where they had spent their hard-earned money. Sometimes they got free drinks, when the landlord liked them. Every pub had his own recipies. Of course, the Avalon had a larger choice and some of the old drinks he remembered fondly were out of fashion.

Brad seemed to have the same flashbacks because he said: "Do you remember 'Glowing Mojo'? You could light up the room with it, and it made your tongue and teeth all shiny. Now I wonder if there was Motilene in it." "They made all sorts of experiments with it when it was new", Chris added. "Why not for drinks?" "Oh, no, I don't think so. I know what Motilene tastes like", Nick said. They looked at him. "Long story", he waved them off. "The smell is better than the taste." They laughed. "I got something called 'Foggy Jack', that wasn't only puffing smoke but it also clouded my mind completely. I still can't recall what happened after one glass until two days later", Matt told them. "Or, you can't recall all the other drinks you had", Brad suggested. "Or it was the Joy", Chris said. "When it was new, it used to knock people out from time to time. Do you remember how they tried to make Joy drinkable? It was awful!" They enjoyed themselves and laughed a lot. The more drinks they had, the funnier it got. Nick found the courage to tell them stories about his solo-career and nobody did mind.

Suddenly they were approached by the hotel manager Murray Davis, who not too politely asked them to leave because of the noise they were making. "What do you mean, too loud?", Nick protested. "Mind you, we'll pay a massive bill for all this. You know what? If you don't let us stay, we won't pay for anything!" "I'll take you to court, how is that?", the manager fought back. "You'll lose anyway!" Morrie stepped in. He was the most sober. "Don't chance it, Nick", he said touching his lover's shoulders. "Why don't we go to your suite, where we are alone?" "If you want, Morrie, but I don't like to take that shit from him." "Come on, let's go", Matt assisted Morrie. "You've got liquids in your suite, right?" "Sure", Nick said. "But I'll pay you back", he hissed into Davis' direction. Morrie gently shoved him forward. "He really doesn't like you much", Chris stated. "Oh, he's always grumpy, even on Joy. He'll see where that gets him." They took the elevator to a very expensively decorated floor. The biggest door led to the Wonderland Suite. This room received more gaping because it outdid every hotel room they knew.

Nick quickly got busy at the bar, pouring drinks for everyone. He also had left some harmless party favors that he offered to them. Soon, they turned up the music to full blast and sang along. Nick, who was mellowed by alcohol and his party favors, fell into Morrie's arms. "Dance with me", he uttered. And then he span Morrie around. The band laughed and cheered him on. When they found the pool, they had other things to do. Nick blacked out into dream world eventually while dancing.

Wow, I can't believe this fanfic is now one year old! It's my life now and it's keeping me warm in these cold days. A big thank you to everyone who's still reading or just started to read, to everyone who liked, reblogged, everyone who left comments or even fanart <3<3<3 This fandom is wonderful and I'm happy to be here. Have a nice day, wherever you are and don't let these times get you down. You're a wonderful person!

#we happy few #whf #wehappyfew #nick lightbearer #whfnick whf nick #nickxmorrie #themakebelieves #whfthemakebelieves

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