#repost since it disappeared for some reason!
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"Not a study date"
Summary: You have the biggest crush on Bucky Barnes but despite all your efforts, he doesn’t seem to notice you. Can one study date change it all?
Pairing: College Bucky Barnes x Female Reader
Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI, idiots in love, study date, misunderstandings, jealousy, language, oral sex (male and female receiving), protected sex, praise, pet names, no mention of y/n
Word Count: 6.4K
A/N: I really wanted to write a College!Bucky Barnes story and this is it. It’s full of foolishness, miscommunication, and jealousy with a happy ending. This means it’s basically smut with a little bit of plot. I hope you enjoy it and if you do please give some kind of feedback. Every like, comment, and reblog is highly appreciated. Don’t hesitate to message me. Unless it’s hate. That’s never welcome.
All work is mine, please do not repost or translate without my permission.
Read more tag starts after the first paragraph of the story.
Nothing seems to change whenever you visit your best friend's ex-boyfriend Sam Wilson. That sounds weird every time you remember Michelle dated him but things are just fine between them since it was Michelle who just decided to change schools and they ended things on friendly terms. He’s a good friend and really fun to play games with since he’s a sore loser but most importantly he’s your only connection to Bucky Barnes.
God, that sounds so wrong. Like you are only friends with him just to be closer to Bucky, that’s definitely not the case but you can’t deny Bucky is one of the reasons you are visiting him so often. You like that Bucky secretly watches you two while you are playing games and celebrates your every victory. You know he just loves to annoy Sam but it makes you so happy every time he joins your efforts to brag about winning but that’s mostly it.
You tried really hard to find some common interests with Bucky so you two can chat. He likes games, he loves reading books and you have a couple of classes together. You have a lot of things in common but nothing sticks for long when you are trying to have a conversation with him. You are not sure if it’s because he’s totally uninterested in you or you are just horrible at flirting. This doesn’t stop you from trying though.
That’s why you are at Sam and Bucky’s place. Once again you found a reason to stop by and maybe because he has had enough of you, Bucky makes a comment that you did not expect.
“I’m starting to think you have a crush on Sam.”
“What?” The shock you feel is so hard to explain. You how no idea how surprised you sound.
“Well, you are here nearly every day.” Bucky tries to explain his thought process, already sounding awkward because of your reaction.
“Eww, no.”
“What do you mean eww no?” Sam sounds offended.
“You are my best friend’s ex-boyfriend.”
“And?”
“What do you mean and?” God, does Sam thinks that way, too? You thought you two had an understanding. “You dated my best friend. You are like a brother to me. Of course, I’m gonna say eww.”
“Oh, some kind of girl's code, huh?” Bucky somehow sounds relieved but you don’t notice it’s because of your response.
“Great answer, bub. I was testing you.” Sam’s offended tone instantly disappears.
“Were you?” Bucky questions him before you can. “You sounded really offended to me.”
“Part of my talent.”
The conversation quickly changes into something else but Bucky’s observation sticks with you. Bucky thinking you might have feelings for Sam leaves a sour taste in your mouth. You are here to see him, day after day, and all this time he thought you just came to see Sam. Either he’s blind or you are just not good at showing your intentions. And then there’s a third option that you don’t even wanna think about: He noticed exactly who you are here for and decided to ignore it so he doesn’t have to reject you. Either way, it hurts.
You consider canceling your study session with Bucky. It’s just gonna be awkward to sit next to him and try to focus on the notes. Plus, you are sure studying alone will be more efficient. No distractions at all.
“About our studying session…” You start to speak before leaving with the intention to cancel your plans.
“Oh yeah, you are still coming, right?” Bucky’s whole face lights up. It’s hard not to see it. He seems excited. “I convinced Faye to share her notes with me. You know how great her notes are. It’s already guaranteed that we will get an amazing score.”
Oh, that’s why he’s excited. Because he used his charm and managed to convince Faye to share her notes. She doesn’t do that often, if ever. She knows how precious her notes are and he’s right. That is literally your golden ticket to get a great score.
“I was gonna ask if you still want to study together.”
“Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I?” He sounds confused.
“I don’t know.” You sound unsure. “Maybe you are tired of me since I’m always around.”
“Oh, come on! I was just joking.” He quickly responds. “You always come here to spend time with Sam. We never hang out just the two of us.”
He’s right. He always stays away from you. Only making comments from far away. Maybe you should’ve taken that as a sign.
“This is not hanging out, either. It’s just studying together.”
He shrugs and you miss the disappointed expression that passes his face.
“Just come, okay? I promise it will be worth it.”
“Ugh, I’m glad I won’t be here. You two are insufferable. It’s just a study date. No big deal.” Sam can’t help but comment on your conversation.
“It’s not a date.” You and Bucky say at the same time. You look at him, feeling disappointed but try to hide it as much as you can.
“Whatever you say,” Sam raises both of his hands in defense but doesn’t seem like he believed you.
*
This was definitely a bad idea. It’s been a while since you two started studying and you did not understand a word. Not because Faye’s notes are bad. Nope, they are perfect but you can’t seem to focus on the words. The only thing you can focus on is Bucky’s smell. You try really hard not to check him out and it’s relatively easier since he’s sitting close to you but his smell… God, that’s so distracting. You have no idea what exactly it is. It seems like a mix of his own smell, the perfume he uses, and a bit of a sweat. You should be disgusted by the thought of sweat but all you want to do is get closer to him.
You take a deep breath, trying to calm yourself down. This is just a silly crush, nothing more. You can just focus on the notes and learn something useful before the exam. You can do that, right? While you try to read the same sentence for the 19th time, Bucky takes his phone and starts to type something. The idea of him texting someone else while studying with you is so irritating but there’s nothing you can do about it. This is just a stupid study session for him. You push your chair to the back, thinking about getting a glass of water.
“I’m gonna get-” When you notice the awkward expression on Bucky’s face you stop talking. Before he can cover it, you notice the reason he’s looking so uncomfortable. His erection is impossible to hide in those gray shorts he’s wearing.
“It’s not what you think.” He immediately responds while trying to hide his erection but there’s no way he can tuck it in while you are staring at him.
“Are you really sexting with someone while we are studying?” That’s the first thing that comes to your mind and you can’t keep that thought to yourself.
“What? No!”
“I mean… it’s alright. You can see or talk to whoever you want but…” It’s so hard to collect your thoughts and turn them into meaningful sentences while your mind is running miles in seconds. It feels so humiliating and not because of the erection. The thought of him sexting someone right next to you… while you tried to get his attention all this time… It just stings.
“What the fuck?” He sounds completely shocked. “I’m not sexting anyone. Why would you even think that?”
“Why else would you get an erection in the middle of studying?” You really can’t think of any other possibilities. Plus he’s still holding his phone. “It’s fine.”
He says your name in a way he never did before. “I’m not seeing anyone. I’m not sexting with anyone. I texted Sam and then I was googling a word I saw in Faye’s notes because I have no idea what it means and I thought it would help me calm down.”
“Oh.” That’s completely unexpected. Then why did he get an erection out of the blue?
“I’m so sorry. I really didn’t want you to find out like this. God! It’s so embarrassing.” His words don’t make sense to you. What is he trying to say?
“Find out about what?” You try to understand him. “That you get erections?”
“What? No.” Then what did he mean? “I didn’t want you to find out… about my feelings… like this.” He sounds so nervous, even more nervous than you are feeling.
“For me?” The question comes instantly because there is no way that’s what he meant.
“Of course for you. Who else?”
“Wait, wait, wait.” You finally put two and two together. “You just got an erection, because of me?”
“Ihm…” You can’t help but notice how awkward he sounds. “Yeah… I’m really sorry. I’m so ashamed.” He covers his face with both of his hands for a second. Then he continues. “I really didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. I swear I’m not a creep. You just smell… so good.”
“You just got an erection because you have feelings for me?” You are sounding like a stuck record at this point but you can’t believe he really said that.
“Yeah. I was planning to ask you out, tonight. That’s why I was texting Sam but… instead… I made a fool of myself.” The panic in tone is so evident. Your eyes go back to his still-obvious erection. “I’m normally not like this. I don’t know what happened. Please forgive me.”
“Do you want me to help you with that?” You ask without taking your eyes off the outline of his erection.
“What?”
“Since you got hard because of me, I’m offering help.” You slowly close the distance between you two.
“That’s not… necessary.” He gulps. “It will go away in a few minutes.”
You have no idea where this wave of confidence comes from. Maybe because he just told you he wanted to ask you out or maybe because the smell of you gave him a hard-on. You just find yourself gently palming his erection over his shorts and he instantly takes a sharp breath.
“What if… I don’t want it to go away?”
“You’re not… you’re not offended?”
“You are not a random creep out in the street, Bucky. I know you. I like you. Why would I be offended?”
“Wait, you like me?” He sounds like he can’t believe what he’s hearing.
“Yeah.” You keep gently rubbing him. He doesn’t take a step back or try to stop you. His eyelashes flutter like he’s enjoying the sensation. “Why do you think I was visiting Sam so often?”
“Not because you have a crush on him?” He asks with a smile.
“Nope, because I have a crush on you.”
“You… have… a crush on me?” It feels like in the span of a couple of minutes, you two changed roles and it’s his turn to feel surprised by your words.
“Yeah. For a while.”
“I guess Sam was right.”
“Was he?” You ask while you move your head closer. “About what?”
“He said you like me and I’m too blind to notice it.”
“Hmm… Even he noticed it, huh? I guess he is right.” Bucky looks at your lips while you are talking. You can see the idea of kissing you forming in his head.
“Can I…” He sounds like he isn’t sure, yet he tries one more time. “Can I kiss you?”
“My hand is on your hard cock, right now. What do you think?” Your response gives him a huge grin.
“I still wanna hear you say it.”
“Yes, you can kiss me, Bucky.”
He doesn’t need to be told twice. His lips instantly crush on yours, like a thirsty man who finally found a glass of cold water. His lips move fast against yours until you rub on his cock again. It makes him gasp in the middle of the kiss, and the rhythm is lost. You feel how painfully hard he is under your touch. You don’t know if it is your effect or it’s because it has been a while for him. You would like to know, but you don’t want to ask. Instead, your hands move to the waistband of his shorts. You look directly into his eyes, silently asking for permission. He just gulps and then blinks.
You always thought he was just distant when it comes to you, but you finally realize it was actually Bucky’s shyness. He gets flushed under your touch, struggling to find the right words. He communicates through his body language, but you want to change that a little. You want him to be vocal if you are gonna have sex. That’s when the idea of sucking him off comes to you. Unexpectedly, you kneel and gently push his shorts and boxers down while he watches you with big eyes. There’s no fear or worry behind those eyes. You see how excited but reserved he is. You want to show him there’s nothing to worry about. While directly looking at him, you start to stroke him. His cock is so close to your face, but you don’t make a move, you only move your hand up and down on his shaft slowly. His breathing shutters under your touch, but he says nothing. He just watches you.
“Is this okay?” You ask, already knowing it is. You just want him to talk. You wanna hear his voice.
“Ye-yeah.” He sounds so breathy. You start to twist your wrist a little, just to change the sensation.
“What about this?” He takes a deep breath.
“So good.”
Maybe he isn’t a talker during sex. That’s fine, but you don’t want to give up that quickly. So this time, you sit on your knees and take him inside your mouth without any warning.
“Jesus fucking Christ!” His reaction makes you want to smile so widely, but your mouth is full of him. “Are you trying to kill me?”
“Why? Don’t you like it?” You ask while pumping him with your hand.
“Just warn me, so I don’t embarrass myself.”
“Embarrass yourself how?” Your question catches him off guard. “I wanna hear those reactions. Don't hold back!”
He just nods like a good boy, and that makes you smile. You don’t say anything, though. You just take him back into your mouth. This time, he lets out a moan. Your tongue moves around the head of his cock, swirling over and over again until he whines. He literally whines under your tongue and that makes you feel like you won a prize. It doesn’t take him long to grab your hair. He doesn’t try to control your movement or push you. It just feels like he’s trying to find something to hold on to.
You pace up a little, moving your head up and down on his cock while gently massaging his balls. That does it. First, you hear a loud moan that sounds like choking, then before he could even utter a word, the first shot of his come hits the back of your throat. You keep going until he empties himself. While you move away from him, you see his eyes are still closed. He takes a deep breath and opens them just in time to catch you swallowing.
“Oh my fucking god…” He sounds like he can’t believe what he is witnessing. You wonder if no one has ever done this in front of him before.
“How are you feeling now?” Your voice is much calmer than you expect.
“So good. You have no idea.”
“I might have a little bit of an idea.” You smile while standing up. The hard floor tired your knees so you rub both of them.
“That was just amazing.” For some reason, he sounds younger and inexperienced at this moment. Like this was his first blowjob ever but you know that’s not the case. You heard a couple of stories from Sam, and you know this isn’t Bucky’s first rodeo. Yet, he sounds so affected by you. That directly goes to your ego.
You sit back down on your chair, not knowing what to do next, but it doesn’t take you long to realize Bucky does. He’s already getting on his knees while you give him a confused look.
“You know, that’s not necessary, right?”
“I know.”
“You don’t need to return the favor or anything. I did it because I wanted to.” You have no idea why you are discouraging him to do whatever he is planning on doing. You want to see what he wants, yet you don’t want him to feel obliged or anything.
“And now I am doing this because I want to.”
He puts his hands on both of your legs, gently pushing them apart. You didn’t realize how turned on you are until this moment. Your focus was completely on him, wanting to make him feel good and you forgot about yourself. You didn’t even realize how wet you are. Carefully, he moves into the space between your legs and pushes your skirt up. His fingers graze over your covered pussy, and you are sure he can actually feel your wetness through the fabric.
“Can I take it off?” God, why does he sound so shy while asking that? And why does it turn you on even more?
“Are you gonna ask my permission for every single move?”
“Do you not want me to?”
“I like it, but you don’t have to ask everything. Not after coming inside my mouth.” You smile after finishing your sentence and you watch how flushed he gets, but you see that he understands what you mean. His hands reach for your underwear and take it off pretty quickly like he can’t wait any longer. He doesn’t touch your skirt, simply gets under it. That’s why you can’t see the first time he licks you. Immediately you move your skirt up to your waist and here he is, buried between your legs. He hungrily eats you out, his long licks sending shivers down your spine.
“Oh my god!”
Your reaction makes him look up for the first time. That flushed expression turned into pure hunger. His blue eyes watch every mimic you make while he starts to suck your clit. He definitely started strong, but you can’t complain, especially when you are this soaked. You didn’t even realize you pushed your legs together and trapped him between them until he gently pushed them apart.
“Oh, sorry.” You quickly say, but he doesn’t seem to care. He licks, he sucks, and does everything in his power to crumble under his touch. It’s so intense that you can’t think of anything other than the way he makes you feel. You don’t even notice how quickly your first orgasm hits you. It’s hard and fast. You can’t keep your voice down. No, you moan his name so loudly. If he didn’t come a couple of minutes ago, the way you said his name over and over again would get him hard again. Even with that in mind, he could feel the blood rushing to his dick, yet he keeps licking you until you push his head away.
“That’s… that’s enough.” It’s hard to breathe normally. You really didn’t expect to come this hard. The orgasm is still running through your whole body.
“Sensitive?” His voice is low yet sweet.
“Yeah, a little.” You take a deep breath. “Just give me a second.”
He does that, but instead of moving away, he puts his head on your leg. After taking a couple of deep breaths, you look at him. He is so pretty like this, looking up to you with big blue eyes and a wet mouth.
“Feeling better?”
“Yeah.” You smile. “I didn’t expect to come this hard.”
“Well…” You watch a big grin spreading on his lips. “Welcome to my world. I didn’t expect to come without a warning either.”
“That good?”
“Oh, yeah. That good.” He quickly agrees. “Sorry about that though.”
“Sorry about what?” You really have no idea what he means.
“Sorry about coming without warning.”
“Oh. That’s fine.” You stop for a second. “Sorry about giving you a hard-on.”
“The most embarrassing and the most amazing thing that ever happened to me.”
“Hmm… How so?” You fish for more.
“I don’t… You know… Go around getting hard-ons randomly.”
“Really? I thought that happened a lot to men.”
“Not like this. Waking up with morning wood? Yeah. That happens, but getting an erection in the middle of studying? That’s a first.”
“Happy to have a first in your life.”
“I never came like this without a warning either.”
“Two firsts.” You don’t realize how smug you sound, but he does.
“What about you?”
“I don’t think I have ever come this hard without… you know… something inside me.”
“Is that so?” The way he smiles just makes you feel butterflies in your stomach. “You like to have something inside?”
“If they know… how to use it.”
“Let’s give it a try, shall we?”
He moves his head away from your right leg, repositioning himself, and before you could say anything, his mouth is on you again. His tongue is gentle, testing the waters to see if you are still sensitive, but honestly, you are not. You just want him to move a little faster. You don’t say it though. You want to see what he is planning. He keeps on licking you for a while, making sure you are ready for his fingers and when he decides that you are, he slowly pushes his index finger inside. You moan in response.
“Does it feel good?” He takes his mouth off your clit for a second to ask.
“Yeah. It feels so good!” You can feel what he is trying to do. He’s building up your pleasure so slowly, you know it’s going to be explosive at the end. He keeps pumping his finger in and out of you while watching your expressions.
“Do you want the second one or…” You don’t let him finish his question.
“I want the second one.”
Your response makes him smile again. You are not sure what makes him happier: your eagerness or your openness. It does seem like he isn’t used to getting direct feedback, but he thrives on it. Quickly, he adds the second finger inside and you can’t help but notice how his thick fingers are filling you. It’s such a delicious feeling. You are so lost in it, you don’t realize how he leans back into your pussy. He nibbles your clit carefully while moving his finger at a steady pace. You can’t help but think he knows what he’s doing and he’s good at reading your reactions. He notices you react more when he licks instead of sucks, so he quickly switches back to it.
“Oh, fuck!” You love how his tongue feels against your skin. Your hands find his hair, pulling it gently just to ground yourself. You feel him moan against your clit when you tug on his hair. The idea of him enjoying it somehow turns you on even more. You decide to test it and pull his hair a little bit more when you feel like doing it. His loud moan vibrates on your swollen clit. It’s like he can’t get enough of it.
“Someone likes a bit of pain.”
He pulls away from your pussy for a second. When he looks at you, you can see how turned on he is. The hunger is evident in his eyes.
“Someone likes being full.”
“I’m not full, yet.” You aren’t trying to tease him, that’s the truth yet you can see that sounds like a promise to him. The promise of taking a lot more than just two fingers. He doesn’t say anything. He just goes back to licking and pumping his fingers. The only difference is he’s moving a lot faster than before and you aren’t sure how long you can take this before your orgasm comes back to crush you. It’s overwhelming yet not enough. You don’t realize how your body arches before you start to lose yourself in that pleasure.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Words come out involuntarily. “Don’t stop, Bucky. Please. So good. So fucking good.”
He keeps going, keeping that same pace. He wants to encourage you and talk to you, but his mouth is busy giving you pleasure. Hearing you moaning and begging is enough for now.
“Oh, god.” Your whole body starts to shake. It’s like your whole body is electrified. “Yes, yes, yes, Bucky. God, I love your mouth so much.”
He smiles against your clit but doesn’t break the contact. He didn’t think you would be this vocal, but he’s enjoying every second of it.
“Ahh, fuck, ahhh yes.” You moan out while shaking. You have no idea how long this orgasm lasts, but you feel so good. As your shaking starts to slow down, Bucky starts to move slower to match that.
“Mmm.” You knew sex with Bucky would be good but this is definitely how you imagined it. Finally, he moves his mouth away from you when he realizes your orgasm is done. You feel so boneless, so relieved.
“Are you okay?” His question brings you back to reality and you notice your eyes are closed. You open them back up and meet his gaze.
“Oh, yeah, I’m great.” He smiles so proudly.
“Glad to hear that.”
“You have no idea how tired yet relaxed I am feeling right now.”
“Not too tired I hope.” That surprises you.
“Why is that?”
“I thought you wanted to be full.” Then you see his erection. It’s actually impossible not to see how painfully hard he is even though he already came once.
“You want to…” You don’t know how to finish that sentence. You thought you would be done after this. You never had someone who wanted you like this before. The feeling settles into your chest. He wants you. He still wants you that bad after coming so hard. It makes you feel seen and desired.
“Unless you don’t want to…”
“Oh, I do.” Your response is instant. You really do. Even after two orgasms, you feel like you want more. You imagined riding his dick or him bending you over and fucking you hard so many times. You want to know how it really feels.
“Good.” He stands up, and when his erection is on your eye level, you can’t help but stare. Not every dick is aesthetically pleasing. Some don’t even look like they would feel good, but Bucky… Bucky’s dick waters your mouth like you didn’t already give him a blowjob. You need it inside of you. While you are lost in thoughts, Bucky picks you up from your chair. You let out a small yelp while he offers you a warm smile.
“Just carrying you to the bedroom, doll.”
“Doll?” You never heard him use that nickname before.
“Yeah, you are a pretty little doll. So beautiful and so smart. Very eager and loud.”
You don’t know how to react. A lot of praises combined with stuff that makes you wanna question him more.
“Am I that loud?” You can’t help but ask.
“Oh, yeah, I’m sure my neighbors hate us right now.”
“Oh god.” You feel your cheeks getting red, but he doesn’t seem concerned.
“Don’t let that stop you. I wanna hear how good I make you feel, doll.” He gently puts you on top of the bed.
“Doll.” You repeat, without an implied question mark.
“If you don’t like it…”
“I do. I really do.” You want to be his pretty little doll and your reaction makes him smile again. “It’s just new. I never heard you say it.”
“Because it is only for you.” Those words cause different a kind of warmth to spread through your chest.
You watch him open the drawer and pull out a condom. He rips the package off impatiently and puts it on with haste. Seeing how impatient he is makes you giggle and that makes him look back at you.
“What’s so funny?”
“Someone is eager to be inside me.”
“Aren’t you eager to feel my cock inside you?” His words take you by surprise. What happened to that shy boy who couldn’t find the word to tell you what he wants? Your shocked look makes him worry a little. He’s afraid that he crossed some kind of line.
“Fuck, that was hot.” Your words sweep away his fear.
“You like that?” He asks while closing the distance between you. “You like when I say dirty stuff like that?”
“Yeah. I love it.”
“You wanna hear how good you are for me?” You didn’t expect that question at all. He moves closer to you, forcing you to lie down. He positions himself between your legs. “Because you are so good for me.” His words make your pussy clench around nothing. You really need him inside you, and he doesn’t waste any time. He knows you are as impatient as he is. He slowly pushes his cock inside, taking his time and being gentle. He moves back and then forth until he’s balls deep inside you and you can’t hold back that loud moan. It just feels so good to be full.
“Shit.” You throw your head back. Your legs automatically wrap around his torso. He leans down and gives you a long kiss, taking his sweet time so you can get used to the feeling of him. Then he starts to move slowly while his mouth moves to your neck, gently sucking on your skin. It feels great, but somehow it’s not enough. So you start to move your hips with him, matching his rhythm but creating more friction.
“You want more already?” He doesn’t sound judgmental, more like he’s amused.
“Yeah. I need it harder.”
“Harder.” He repeats. “My doll needs it harder.”
Before you can say anything, he moves away from you. A loud whine leaves your lips. You don’t like that feeling of emptiness. You want to protest, but he grabs you by the ankles and pulls you to the edge of the bed. He pushes your legs up and repositions himself between your legs. Then without saying a word, he gets inside you again.
“Holy fuck.” Your reaction comes out instantly. It feels so different, even more full. Then he starts to move, a little harder than before. Even though he isn’t using much force, because of the angle, it feels much better.
“Is it hard enough for you?” He sounds cheeky.
“Yes, for now.”
“For now.” He repeats your words. “For now is good because we are just starting.”
You would love to say something back, but it feels too good. The only thing you can do is moan. With every moan you let out, he moves a little bit faster, he grows a little bit more impatient. He pays attention to what makes you moan more, which movement makes you lose yourself, and tries to repeat them. The room is filled with the sounds of his skin slapping against yours and how wet you are. Combined with your moans, he starts to lose control and move faster than before. That triggers more moans out of you. It turns into a vicious cycle until you are panting and begging.
“Please, please, please…” You can already taste your orgasm. It’s that close.
“Please what? Tell me what you need.”
“More… I need more.”
“Be more specific, doll. More of what?” That nickname sends a jolt of electricity through your body. “Do you want me to rub your clit?”
“No, no.” That’s not what you need. “I need you to move faster.”
“If I move faster… I won’t be able to hold back.”
“Don’t hold back.” You say while taking deep breaths. “Let’s come together.”
“Are you sure? It won’t last that long.”
“Try to hold back until I say let go.” You really want to come at the same time.
“I’m not sure if that will work.”
“You can stop anytime if you feel like you are about to come before me. That’s okay.”
“But what about…” You don’t let him finish.
“We can build my orgasm back up. It’s there, I can feel it. Just move as fast as you can and try to hold back. You can let go when I start coming, okay?”
He nods, but you see he’s not fully convinced. He just doesn’t want to disappoint you.
“It’s okay if you come before me. Not the end of the world.”
“I don’t… I don’t wanna let you down.” The vulnerability is so evident in his voice.
“You can never let me down. I don’t care if you come early. I will take it as a compliment.”
Your words make him smile a little. His hesitation is still there, but the urge to please you outweighs his worries. He leans down and kisses you in response. Long and full of love. You realize how much your words mean to him just with that kiss. When he pulls back, he starts to move again. He returns to his previous pace and starts to go faster bit by bit. You can feel that familiar feeling of approaching orgasm again. It’s slowly building up, but when you look at Bucky’s face, you notice he’s closer than you are. You need to get there a little faster. That’s why your fingers quickly find your clit and start to rub. When he notices what you are doing, he groans. His hips start to move so fast, you can’t help but scream. Your fingers combined with his fast pace finally push you over that edge.
“I’m coming. I’m coming. I’m coming.” You repeat without thinking and he knows what that means. He can finally let go. His hands grab your waist, getting that support he needs to fuck you into the mattress. The way he moves makes you see the stars.
“Fuck, doll, I’m coming too!” Your mouth opens for a silent scream while he starts to come. The way he moans and groans fills you with pleasure, knowing you are the reason behind all of that. “Oh, god.” He keeps moving even though he’s done. He wants you to enjoy your orgasm till the last drop and you do. You let yourself thrive on every last bit of that amazing feeling.
He finally stops moving when he realizes you are done. He gently pulls himself out of you, making you whine a little, and lays right next to you. You turn to your side, facing him while still trying to calm your breathing down.
“You just ruined me,” he suddenly says.
“I ruined you? I think it’s the other way around, mister.” He’s the one who gave you three mind-blowing orgasms and he has the audacity to say this.
“I don’t think you understand.” He sounds calm yet sure. “Sex never felt this amazing before.”
His words make you giggle a little but you are aware he’s right. It never felt this good before him and there’s no way you can go back.
“You are a thief.”
“Me? A thief?” Your words catch him off guard.
“Yep, you are stealing my thoughts and presenting them as yours.”
“So it was that good for you too?”
“My mind is blown. You have no idea.” That gives him the biggest grin.
“Does that mean you will let me take you on a date?”
“What date?” You play dumb. You know exactly what he means but you want him to actually ask.
“You know what date.”
“Nope, I don’t. I haven’t been asked on a date for ages.”
He grabs your hand and looks directly into your eyes. “Will you go on a date with me, doll?”
“Of course, I will, with pleasure.” And that makes him laugh.
“Yep, a lot of pleasure.”
“Shit!” You suddenly jump.
“What?” He sounds so worried.
“Our exam!” You completely forgot about it. “We were supposed to study!”
“We still have time.” He tries to calm you down. “Just lie down a little until you catch your breath. We have Faye’s notes, remember? It’s gonna be a piece of cake.”
“Oh, yeah.” You remember Faye’s notes. It suddenly changes your mood.
“Are you okay?” He immediately notices.
“Yeah, I’m fine. We are lucky we have her notes.” You try not to sound bitter but it doesn’t work. He sees right through it.
“Remind me to thank her tomorrow.” You feel the jealousy build up inside you because you know it doesn’t matter how much you beg, Faye never shares her notes, and Bucky managing to convince her could mean only one thing.
“Yeah, I should thank her too.”
“You definitely should.” He watches how your expression changes after his words and his smile grows.
“What are you smiling for?”
“Nothing. I just love seeing you get jealous for nothing.”
“I’m not jealous!”
“Sure, that’s why you look like you wanna stab her a couple of times.”
“No, I don’t.” You deny it at first, but you can see he doesn’t believe you. “I just… know that she doesn’t share her notes with anyone. She must have a crush on you. Which is understandable.”
“Is it?” He’s still smiling like a fool.
“Are you seriously enjoying this?” You are getting so angry that you try to move away from the bed but Bucky grabs your arm and pulls you closer to him. “Let me go!”
“There’s nothing to get jealous about, doll.” He sees you don’t believe him. “I only have eyes for you and that’s what I said to Faye to convince her to give me her notes.”
“What?”
“I told her I want to ask you out, but I wanna impress you with this study date first. She thought it was a great idea and shared her notes with me.”
“I thought this wasn’t a study date.” You remember him denying it was.
“Well, after everything that happened…” He gives you a look that screams sex. “I think we can finally call it a study date.” Those words give you the biggest grin.
“Can we have more study dates like this?”
“Anytime you want, doll. I’m at your service.”
#bucky barnes#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x female reader#bucky barnes smut#bucky barnes au#bucky barnes fluff#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky barnes imagine#bucky barnes one shot#sebastian stan#marvel fanfiction#bucky barnes x reader smut#bucky x reader#bucky x you#my stories#college bucky barnes#college bucky barnes x reader
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Ghost Part 2
AN: 🤭🤭🤭
Synopsis: Jack makes it known to you that he wants to do right by Ace, but you still have hesitations in the back of your mind. It isn't until he decides to do something drastic that lets you know you had been right all along and that you will do anything to protect your son.
Pairing: Jack Harlow x Reader
Read Part 1 first
Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere
After that night, Jack kept trying to call you to apologize, but you were steadily ignoring his calls. The next step was him texting you to plead with you to talk to him, but you were not in the mood to put up with him and didn't want to hear anything that he had to say.
Jack- Y/N, please talk to me. I'm sorry about what happened. It's been almost three weeks since I talked to Ace
Jack- I promise to make it up to Ace and to you if you'll let me
You- Ace told me that he didn't want to talk to you right now and why all of a sudden are you making it a priority that you talk to him? Any other time you wouldn't care
Jack- Did he say that or did you? And he's my son so obviously I want to talk to him
You- Look, Harlow. I am protecting MY son at all costs and if it has to be from you, then so be it
Jack- But he's my son too
You- Okay and he's only your son at your convenience. You have basically ignored him just about his entire damn life and then get in your feelings when he called someone else daddy. Are you really even upset about not having a good relationship with him or is it your pride that's hurting? I think it's the latter
Jack- Y/N, please. I get that I've messed up but I want to do better
You- We'll talk to you when we're ready
For the rest of October, it came and went without any more incidents from Jack which you were surprised by. Because you were sure by now he would have pulled something.
It was as if he was trying to be better for you and for Ace. But you still weren't sure and still had your hesitations. Why would you trust someone who has given you every reason in the world not to?
One morning you woke up and checked your banking app to see that he not only sent money to pay for daycare, but an extra two thousand. Thinking that it was a mistake, you quickly sent the extra money back, but within twenty minutes it was back in your account and that's when you finally sent him a text.
You- Why did you send me an extra two thousand? I sent it back, but you sent it to me again
Jack- I remembered you mentioned to me a while back that Ace needed some winter clothes so I sent it. Get something for yourself too.
You- Jack, I don't need this much and have you suddenly switched places with someone else? I usually have to beg you to even send money for daycare and half the time you don’t even remember to do it
Jack- It's for the two of you so keep it and no I haven’t
You were simply taken aback and didn't know what to say or make of it.
You- Well, thank you
Jack- Um do you think I can get him this weekend?
You- the entire weekend?
Jack- Well yeah. If you don't have anything planned this weekend that is
You- I will see what he says and then I’ll let you know
Jack- Okay
You guess he was trying to make up for lost time, but you were still at the point where you wanted to be done with him. But if he did decide to be in his life, would it be for the long run? Because the last thing you wanted was for Ace to get comfortable with him being around and then he suddenly disappears.
You usually had to beg him to pay for it and remind him every month, but this time he did it without even a word needing to be uttered from you. And he was a week early with sending it to you.
After that incident between Jack and Clay and Ace seeing it, Ace stopped asking to call Jack before his bedtime and it was eventually replaced with Jack calling him and you were surprised by him checking on how you were too.
The last time he did that was before Ace was born. However, you kept it short and sweet and gave him one word answers because at this point, you were tolerating him and nothing else.
There were a few times when Jack first started to call that Ace didn’t want to talk to him and that made Jack's heart sink and he knew that he had to do better. He was now on the receiving end and didn't like the way it felt knowing that this was how Ace felt when he didn't answer the phone.
You didn’t understand where this new attitude and changes were coming from, but you were in no way, shape, or form complaining about it because of how happy Ace was.
He had taken Ace out a few times with Jack after apologizing properly to the two of you spending the weekend with him and Ace always came back home to you so happy that he was finally getting to spend time with his dad, so the last thing that you were ever going to do was ruin it.
You take it that it was Clay yelling at him and Ace not wanting to be around him that served as his wake-up call to get his shit together.
One night after Jack called Ace to say goodnight, he quickly said that he wanted to talk to you once you were back in your bedroom by yourself.
“Yes?”
“Uh, how are you? Are you okay? Do you need anything?”
“I’m fine and no.” You were trying to keep this conversation short and sweet so you could go to sleep. Unless it had to do with Ace, you didn’t feel that there was a need to talk to him.
“Umm, would the two of you want to come to NPLH? It’s December 18th. Ace has never seen me perform before and… neither have you. At least I don't think you have.”
When you were quiet and didn’t give him an answer, he spoke up again.
“I.. Y/N, I’m trying to do right by the both of you and it shouldn’t have taken this long. But I am trying to change and be the best possible version of myself for both of you. I'm tired of the disappointed looks that I get from him as well as you.”
“You don’t need to worry about me, just him. I’m used to being disappointed in you, so my expectations regarding anything having to do with you are in hell. Ace is only three so he’s quick to forgive and forget. However, I am not.”
“I… deserved that. I do need to worry about you because you’re his mother. So what do you say? You would be backstage with all of my friends and family. Safe from the crowd, because I know Ace doesn’t like them.”
Now this had you doing a double take because you had no idea that Jack knew that Ace didn’t like crowds.
“Don’t look so surprised that I know that. Now does that sound okay with you? I can get him those headphones too to protect his ears since I know he hates loud noises. I’ll come and get you both myself before the show starts.”
“And you don’t think anyone will say anything when they notice that he looks just like you? I want to keep him protected from the life that you live.”
“We can deal with it when the time comes. I mean they’re going to have to find out eventually anyway, right? So what do you say?”
“I guess, but I need three more tickets to give to my best friends who actually help me take care of Ace even though they don’t have to and do it because they love him just as much as I do. Even though Ace let it slip to them that you were his dad and they probably have a grudge against you now, they still like your music… at least I think they do.”
“Of course, whatever you want. And are they going to say anything? Do I need…”
“They don’t need to sign NDA’s and I didn’t even break mine. So, you’re going to make your own son sign a NDA? He’s the one that said it.”
“Well, no. I guess not.”
“Then we’ll be there.”
The day had finally come and Jack had been nervous from the time that he had woken up. He was now eating breakfast with Urban who noticed that his best friend kept fidgeting. Last night he had sent you the three extra tickets which you immediately sent to Nadia so that she would have them.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” He asked while sliding his orange juice closer to him.
“I… Y/N is coming tonight and she's bringing Ace. I’m actually going to get them before the show and bring them to the arena.”
“Oh, the baby mama and son that you act like don't exist. Got it.”
All Jack did was roll his eyes.
“I deserved that, but I'm trying to be better moving forward. I don't want him to grow up and despise me because at this rate, that's exactly what's going to happen.”
“Like bro…. Your parents don't even know about him. And he's what? Almost four?”
“I was going to also ask her if I could take Ace to see them on Christmas. They might be less mad? I mean they’ll see him tonight, but I don’t know if that’s the time or place to drop that on them.”
“I… Jack….. what? Is he supposed to be their Christmas present? You should have told them when it first happened.”
“Either way it looks bad and they're going to want to kill me so I might as well get it all out in the open.”
“So, you went on and on about how she trapped you, but now you're suddenly all in? What changed?” Urban curiously asked.
“Hearing that he called Clay ‘daddy.’ That's me and I’m the only one he needs to be referring to. And the fact that for about two or three weeks after that happened and I tried to call and talk to him, he wouldn't come to the phone. I've been a shitty person towards Y/N and been a shitty father to my first born.”
“Maggie and Brian are going to kick not only your ass, but Clay’s too.”
“At least Clay has been there since he was a month old. I can't say the same thing.”
“Just do better moving forward, but do you want a relationship with him or are you just mad about what happened with Clay?”
“A little bit of both, not going to lie. When Y/N sent me that in a text, I was pissed but there's no one to be mad at but myself. And truth be told, I don't even know Y/N like I should. I hardly know anything about her for that to be the person that I have a child with.”
“Does Neelam know any of this? Did Y/N sign an NDA?”
“She doesn't and Y/N did when we first started messing around and if she really wanted to come for me and how I've treated Ace….”
“Deadbeat baby daddy.”
“URB! I was going to say that I'm surprised that she didn't break it.”
“Well you have to think, she's protecting him and herself. And the fact that she lives in Louisville too?”
“I just want us to be able to get along and raise Ace.”
“That's literally all that she probably wants but you were making it hard as hell.”
“I know and I can only imagine the looks on my parents faces.”
It was now around 4 PM when you heard a knock on the door and Ace immediately ran towards it and started to reach up to open it, but stopped once you had scolded him.
“Ace! Baby, get away from the door and wait for mommy to open it.”
“But mommy it's daddy! Hurry up please!”
You had to laugh at him telling you please and opened the door with him right behind you to see Jack staring at you.
“Uh hi.”
“Hi.” You responded flatly, but Ace immediately ran and climbed onto him. He figured at least one person was happy to see him.
“Daddy!”
“Hey bubs. You all ready to go?”
He eagerly nodded, but all you and Jack did was laugh.
“I think you need shoes first though, it's a little cold.”
Once all three of you arrived at the arena, Jack hopped out of his Jeep and opened your door which you were surprised by before going to get Ace out of his car seat.
All three of you made your way inside and backstage where a lot of his friends and family had already gathered waiting for the show to start.
There was a variety of different snacks and drinks on display backstage and you noticed two other little kids running around who you knew were Nemo's daughters and Jack's goddaughters.You immediately saw Clay out of the corner of your eye and he came over to hug you before hugging Ace who held onto him tightly.
“Hey, I'm surprised you actually said yes to coming.”
“Not going to lie, me too. But I really did this for Ace and not me. Everything I do is for him.” You said as you pinched Ace's cheek who smiled at you. You noticed that Ace was now a little more quiet and reserved since he was now around a crowd of people that he didn't know and this was typical. It took him almost a month to not sit by himself in daycare and get more comfortable.
You then saw Jack's parents make their way over to you, but just as you were about to speak to introduce yourself as well as Ace, Jack quickly intervened which surprised you and the last thing that you thought would happen did.
“Mom, dad, this is Y/N and her son, Ace.” You did your best to try and hide your disappointment while Ace was being held by Clay next to you confused. Urban was behind Jack and simply shook his head.
So much for saying that things would be different moving forward.
You talked to his parents for a little while before Ace mentioned that he was hungry and Clay proceeded to grab him something to snack on. Before long, it was time for Jack to do his set and he had given you the headphones for Ace so that the two of you could watch from the side of the stage.
But what you didn't notice was the rest of PG whispering to Urban.
“Uh, why does that kid look like a mini version of Jack? And who is she?” 2fo asked Urban who tried not to have a startled look on his face.
“Jack can answer that better than I can.” Was all he said before Neelam quickly inserted herself in the conversation.
“So, you know something we don't know in other words is what you're trying to say, correct?”
“Look, it's not my place. He'll tell you when he's ready.”
“All I need to know is if I'm going to have a problem out of her.”
“Neelam, she's not like that. At least from what he told me.”
“Well, you can never be too sure and I need to be prepared. I'll ask him about it later. He's worked entirely too hard to just have someone come and mess it up. Matter of fact I need to make sure she signs an NDA.”
—-
It was around one in the morning when all of you had finally gotten back to the apartment and Jack volunteered to put Ace to bed. The car ride back was a little awkward and of course the two of you didn't want to say anything in front of Ace. Once Jack had tucked Ace in, he came back out to the living room where you were and you noticed that he looked nervous.
“Y/N, I want to keep the both of you safe so that's why I didn't say that he was my son tonight.”
“But from your family and friends? What sense does that make?”
“I… Look, just hear me out. Can he spend the day with me and my family on Christmas day? And he can be with yours on Christmas Eve? I just figured that it wasn’t the time or the place to tell them about the two of you.”
Your breath hitched in your throat as you tried not to show how you were feeling on the inside. Christmas had been your favorite holiday up until the time that you were nine. Since then, Ace is the only reason why you started back celebrating it but it still didn't feel the same.
“The time to tell them was four years ago.” You quietly muttered and didn’t say anything after that.
“Y/N?” Jack called out to you because it had been a few minutes and you had yet to give him an answer.
“Um, you can have him in the afternoon.” That way he could at least open the presents that you had gotten him in the morning.
“But are you going to see your family? I don't want to inconvenience you or keep you from them.”
“No, so it's fine.” You kept it short and sweet and hoped that he would drop it and let it go since you agreed to let Ace go with him.
“Wait, why?” he curiously asked and you couldn’t even blame him for doing so.
“Because I can't see them. And why do you suddenly care so much?”
“Do they not know about Ace too, or?”
“Jack, my family is dead. I literally only have Ace. If I want to visit them, I have to go to the cemetery. So can we drop this now?” You asked while trying to avoid eye contact with him.
All Jack did was a double take before looking at you with wide eyes.
“Wait… so you’ve…. been by yourself basically this entire time?”
“I don't need your looks of pity. I'm fine.”
“But….”
“Jack, please. I don't want to talk about this anymore.”
“Okay um, I'll drop it for now. But, that means that I'm getting both of you on Christmas morning to spend the day with me and my family and you aren't saying no.”
“Just take Ace, I'll be fine.”
“Y/N, you aren't spending Christmas by yourself.”
“What difference does it make? This is my normal. Being a mom and then being by myself.”
“Well that stops this year. I do not want you to be by yourself. My family will love you. And you have me so there's no reason for you to be alone.”
“Hmm, yeah the baby mama you kept hidden for almost four years? The Only Fans model that you accidentally got pregnant? And I have you? Really? I had to beg you to even show our son an ounce of attention. And not even going to add in the fact that you thought I was lying about the entire thing and treating me like absolute shit.”
“Our kid is not an accident, Y/N. And I promised you that things are going to be different now. I apologize for how I acted towards you because that wasn't right. I was just scared and instead of telling you that, I ignored it until I created an even bigger situation that ended up hurting you, Ace, and myself.”
“He isn’t to me, but for you when I first told you he definitely was.”
“Please Y/N, us arguing is not going to solve anything. I'm going to tell my parents about you and Ace properly. Don't you think he deserves to know his grandparents?”
“Of course I do. I just never thought that I would see the day where this would become a reality. Not going to lie, when Ace got to be around 7 or 8, I was going to leave and move back home.”
“And where is that?”
“Philadelphia. I just needed to be near people that I could trust while he's this small. I was in D.C. since that's where I had gone to school and that's where I had him so I just stayed there until Nadia wouldn't take no for an answer and made me come down here. At least in Philly, I can hopefully buy the house that I grew up in. It's been on sale for some time and I've been saving up for it or at least trying to.”
“Wait, so you still want to leave Louisville?”
“I mean there's nothing here for me. It's not like I grew up here like you did and have a family that I can see whenever I want. The rest of my family didn't want me so there's that.”
“Well, I want you and Ace close to me. We can't do that if you move away.”
“According to you, I was stalking you, remember?”
“Y/N, can we just hold off on discussing that. One thing at a time and once again I'm not here to argue.”
All you did was cross your arms and sigh as you then heard Jack’s phone go off.
He looked down to see that it was Neelam and she was asking about you.
Neelam- Who is that girl and her son and why does he look like you? Start explaining IMMEDIATELY
Jack- I'm with her now, I'll text you later
Neelam- Um, no. Explain now.
Jack- His name is Ace and he's my child and his mother's name is Y/N and he's almost four.
Neelam- What in the actual FUCK?
Jack- I'll call you when I leave.
“Then it's settled. Both of you are coming with me. I have a shitload of presents for him and they’re all at my house so he can open them hopefully before everyone gets there.”
When you didn’t say anything, Jack simply grabbed your hand, startling you.
“Did you hear what I said?”
“I heard you, but we need to get one thing straight.”
“What is it?”
“You need to be all in with Ace because I refuse to let you break his heart for the millionth time.”
You were on facetime Nadia, Liv, and Blaire trying to figure out what to wear. It was currently Christmas Eve, and you had already put Ace to sleep when you decided to rummage through your closet for something decent to wear for tomorrow and meet Jack's family properly.
“What about the one that makes your boobs look big?” Blaire asked and you rolled your eyes.
“Blaire, they’re already big and I’m meeting his PARENTS!”
“Well technically you already did. They just didn't know who you were.” Nadia said as she was examining the black sweater dress that you were holding up.
“And I wonder what they're going to say when Jack tells him tomorrow.” Liv added as she was mixing up the batter for her Christmas cookies.
“They're going to be pissed, I already know. But what am I supposed to say when they ask how we met?” You asked as you were now looking for a pair of shoes to go with the dress.
“Wait, how did yall meet? Because we don't even know.” Blaire curiously asked.
“Nadia knows.” You quietly answered and you simply heard her sigh.
“Well are yall going to spill it or what!?”
“He was a subscriber to my Only Fans.” You quietly said as you pulled out your red and black knee high boots to go along with your dress.
Blaire spit her eggnog out that she had been drinking and Liv was simply looking at you with her mouth hanging wide open.
“Um, come again? No pun intended. But… WHAT?” You heard Liv yell and all you did was sigh.
“It happened right before my senior year and I've basically been a single parent ever since.”
“Well at least he's trying to do better for the both of you.”
“I don't care about me. That ship sailed long ago, the only person that I'm concerned about is Ace.”
“So even if Jack does get his shit all the way together and asks you to be in a relationship so yall can start with a clean slate, you would still say no?” Nadia curiously asked and it made you stop and think for a second.
“Yes.”
“Can we ask why?”
“I have seen the absolute worst in this man and how he treated me before was unacceptable and it will always be in the back of my mind. Instead of owning up to what he did, he called me a liar, a gold digger, claimed I was stalking him when I moved here and got mad when Clay wanted to have a relationship with Ace. How could I date someone like that?”
“He’s changing for the better, Y/N. You never know. But, your reasoning is 100% valid. I didn't know he had done all that.”
“Like he’s trying to be all nice to me all of a sudden and asking how I am or if I need anything but if it doesn't have to do with our son, there is literally no reason for me to talk to him. The conversations are awkward and it's like pulling teeth because he knows that I want absolutely nothing to do with him. Like he has to understand how bad he hurt me and the fact that I didn't have my family or anyone around me at that time to help me when he was born. I was scared shitless. There were some days when I couldn't eat because I had to pay for diapers because he refused to. I had to apply for government assistance until I found a better paying job. I have one now, but yet I’m still struggling. I don't think I will ever forgive him for that. My standards for him are in hell and I told him that the other day. I expect absolutely NOTHING from him. But, I would never talk bad about him in front of Ace. At the end of the day, he's going to be taken care of if it's left up to me. Him, I’m not so sure.”
All they did was simply nod at your response.
“I hear everyone talk about him in such a positive light, but that person that they're referring to? I’ve never met him. I’m on my guard because I just have a feeling that he's going to try and pull some shit.”
It was around noon on Christmas Day and Ace was busy playing with his new toys that Jack had gotten him while you along with his parents had congregated in the corner of the living room to discuss Ace. Jack figured he might as well before the rest of his family started to arrive.
“So, we have something to tell the both of you. And we wanted to tell you before everyone else got here.” Jack started to say while you were sitting next to him and trying not to fidget. You knew that this wasn't going to go over well and there was nothing that you could do to stop it. You were suddenly now more interested in your bracelet.
“What? What is it?” Maggie asked with concern showing on her face.
“Umm, Ace is my son.”
“Daddy, up!”
And right on cue, Ace yelled for Jack and was soon climbing all over him as he picked him up and started to play with his earrings while you were trying to not have a panic attack.
“Your….. what?” Brian quietly asked as Maggie still hadn't said anything. All she was doing was staring at Ace and finally seeing the resemblance between the two of them. Ace didn’t look like you at all.
“He's mine and Y/N is his mother.”
“How old is he?” Maggie asked as you could tell she was trying not to yell.
“Almost four.”
“WHAT?! And you're just now saying something?”
“Because at first he thought I was lying and only after his money which wasn't true and said that I trapped him. Once the paternity test confirmed that Ace was in fact his, he still wanted nothing to do with him. However, Clay did and he's known him since he was a month old.” You confessed as Jack looked on with wide eyes.
“But, we're in a better place now.” Jack quickly said while chiming in attempting to make himself not sound like a complete deadbeat.
“Hmm.” Was all you said in response as you looked down at your nails.
Before they had a chance to respond, Jack's front door opened and in walked Clay with a bunch of gifts in his hands which you assumed was for Ace since Clay had told you previously he had gotten gifts for him.
The only thought in your head was where you were going to put all of them in your small apartment.
All eyes were on Clay and he quickly got a confused look on his face before having a moment of realization.
“Oh, so he finally told you two about being a deadbeat?” He asked as Ace slid off of Jack’s lap and immediately went over to Clay who was setting the gifts down. When he was finished, he quickly picked him up.
“Seriously?” Was all Jack did as he sucked his teeth and rolled his eyes.
“I… people are going to start to be here soon but we'll finish discussing this later. Y/N, you seem like a sweet girl and I commend you for taking such good care of Ace when you didn’t have anyone to help you.” Was all Maggie said before eyeing her oldest son and she stood up to head into the kitchen while Brian just sat there in disbelief.
It was a few days into the new year when you had gotten a call from a strange number on your way home from work as Ace was asleep in the backseat. At first you declined the call, but when they called three more times in a row, you finally decided to answer.
“Hello?”
“Y/N? This is Katrina.”
“Katrina, who?” You asked confused and wondering how the woman that you did not know suddenly got your number.
“Your Aunt Katrina.”
At that moment all you saw was red. She was the one that refused to take you and decided to place you into the foster system since your mother and her had a long outstanding beef that you had nothing to do with and you didn’t even know what it was about. Yet, you were the one that felt the consequences from it.
“What do you want and how did you get my number?”
“I… I can explain later, but how far away are you from Philly right now?”
“Why?”
“Your grandmother. They’re saying she has probably weeks or even days to live and ever since they told her that, she has been persistent on us finding you.” She quietly said and it took everything in you not to drop your phone.
“Finding me for what? Yall didn’t want me remember?” You shot back as you pulled into the parking garage of your apartment building.
“Y/N, please. It wasn’t that simple. But how soon can you be here? She said that there is no way in hell, her words not mine, that she was leaving this earth without seeing you.”
“I… just have to pack my things along with my son. I’ll drive and I should be there by the morning if I don’t make a lot of stops.”
“I’ll text you the details.”
As soon as you hung up, you were in somewhat of a daze. As many years that have gone by, you thought your grandmother would have passed away already. If you did your math right, she had to be close to 100 by now. You felt that your grandparents were the only other people in your family that truly loved you and would have done anything for you besides your parents and older brother.
You carried Ace inside while taking off his jacket and laying him down on the couch as you ran around the apartment and trying to pack the essentials of what you two might need. You didn’t plan on staying for very long, but more than likely you were going to stay for her funeral. You figured that it was the least you could do. And get an explanation on why Katrina had given you up so easily.
A quick text was sent to Nadia, Blaire, and Liv telling them that you were headed back home for a family emergency. All they did was tell you to keep them updated as you were now finishing packing your car for the ten close to eleven hour trip. It was around seven at night when you finally got on the road and hit the highway hoping to get to your grandmother before it was too late. You did your best to keep your tears from falling because you felt that you had been robbed.
All these years, she was alive and you had no idea.
It was true that you could have looked for her if you wanted to, but you had it in your mind that they wanted nothing to do with you.
It was around ten at night when Ace had finally started to stir and noticed that the two of you were still in the car and looked around confused.
“Mommy, where are we going?” You heard him say as he startled you.
“We’re going to see the place where mommy grew up. Or sort of for that matter. It’s going to be a long drive so you can go back to sleep.”
“Okay.” Was all he quietly said and you soon looked back in your rearview mirror to see that he had drifted off.
Once you had hit Philly, it was around six in the morning and you decided to find a hotel for you and Ace to stay and actually lay down in a comfortable bed. At least for two hours until you went to go and see her. Being back there was something out of a dream and you made it up in your mind to get a cheesesteak before the two of you left to go back to Louisville since when you get it out of state, it doesn’t quite taste right.
After getting some much needed sleep, you and Ace set out to your grandmother’s house since that’s where Katrina said she was on hospice as much as you didn’t want to believe her. Once you pulled up to the house, you wanted to cry. It looked the same exact way and it still had the swing set in the front yard that your grandfather built for all of his grandkids. You grabbed Ace out of the backseat, reminded him to mind his manners even if he didn’t need one and proceeded to knock on the door.
You were startled to see your Aunt Katrina open it and it took her a second to notice that it was you seeing as the last time that she was you, you were only nine years old.
“Y/N.”
“Katrina.”
“And who is this little one?” She asked as she stepped to the side to let the both of you in.
“My name is Ace! I’m three, almost four. What’s your name, ma’am?” Ace piped up and said which you were surprised by seeing as anytime he was around new people, he would hide behind you.
“Well, aren't you cute? Named after your uncle, I see. That makes me your great Aunt Katrina.”
“It’s nice to meet you.” Ace added while holding his hand out for her to shake and you couldn’t help but to laugh.
“She’s upstairs.” Was all Katrina said to you and your legs instantly felt like they weighed a thousand pounds. You nodded towards her and started to make your way up the steps while holding Ace’s hand. Once you got to her room, the door was open and you could hear the sound of the television that was currently on The Price is Right which made you laugh to yourself. When you were at home sick that’s what you would watch. You walked in to see that her eyes were closed, but you quickly heard her voice.
“About time you showed up. Took them forever to track you down and find you.” Was all she said as her eyes opened and smiled at you.
“My sweet Y/N. My youngest granddaughter.”
That was the moment that you immediately burst into tears as you sat on the bed and hugged her.
“I….” You started to say but she quickly shook her head.
“It doesn’t matter. You’re here now and that’s what’s important.” She comforted you as she held you tighter.
“Now, who’s this young man?” She said when the two of you finally broke apart and she now noticed Ace standing next to you.
“Your great grandson, Ace.”
“Ace, I love that name. You know you’re named after one of the sweetest boys that I ever knew.” She said as Ace climbed up to sit next to her.
“Really? My mommy always tells me that I’m named after someone really special.”
“That you are.”
Your grandmother had sent Ace downstairs for Katrina to watch him as she wanted to speak to you alone and now you were suddenly nervous.
“First off, never think for a second that a day went by and I didn’t think of you. Or that I didn’t do my hardest to try and find you after you had gone into the system. Katrina was dead wrong for how she handled it because of a simple grudge, but also more wrong in telling those people that me and your grandfather didn’t want to take you. Instead I spent years trying to track you down with no luck. I wanted you and wanted to keep you, but you had moved around so many times that eventually, the state lost the file that tracked where you were leaving me no leads. I looked from the time that you first went in to try and get you back, up until the time you turned eighteen.”
“You… wanted to keep me?”
“Of course I did! Left up to me, there was no way in hell one of my grandchildren was going to be put through that, but… I’m just happy to see you alive, well, and thriving. That son of yours is beautiful and he has your smile. He has the best mother that anyone could ask for and I know it.”
“So, all this time?”
“It wasn’t until my diagnosis about a month ago when I said, no, demanded that Katrina find you. It was the least she could do for what she did. She started to feel guilty where it started to look like I would never find you about the time you would have been fifteen. I figured if these are going to be my last few days here, I need to see Y/N. I wanted to tell you how much I love you and that I have a little surprise for you.”
“I’m just happy I got to see you and that you got to meet my heart outside of my chest and reason for living. What is it?”
“I know how much your parents and your brother meant to you and that you don’t have many things to remember them by. So, I noticed that the house all of you used to live in went on sale….”
All you did was gasp and your heart started beating a mile a minute having an idea about what she was about to say.
“And I bought it. And put the deed in your name. I know that you’re in Louisville right now, but whenever you’re ready, it’ll be here waiting for you.” She said as she opened her bedside table and handed it to you.
“I… I literally don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. That’s the least that I could do for you. I hope you can accept that as my apology and you have to promise me that you’ll pass it down to Ace so it can always stay in the family.”
—
Your grandmother passed the very next day and knew that she only held on long enough so that she could see you and make sure that you were okay. At least you now knew that she never stopped trying to find you while you were in the system and wanted to keep you so that she and your grandfather could raise you themselves. You were currently at your hotel with Ace as he was playing with one of the many toys that Jack had gotten for him when your phone suddenly went off. You had been in such a daze for the past forty eight hours that you had forgotten to even look at your phone or tell him what had happened for that matter. Your only priority was getting here safely before it was too late. Because you knew that you wouldn’t have been able to live with yourself if you didn’t.
“Hello?” You tiredly said as you glanced at the clock on the nightstand that read 11 AM. Soon it would be time to head over to your grandmother’s house to start planning the funeral.
“Where have you been? And why haven’t you answered my calls? Where is Ace?” Jack all said in one breath and you quickly got annoyed. You had enough to deal with at the moment.
“Well hello to you too. I’m okay, thanks for asking.”
“Where are you and why haven’t I heard from you? I went by your apartment and you weren’t there.”
“I’m in Philly. I’m back home.” Was all you could get out before Jack immediately started to raise his voice and not letting you explain the reasoning for you actually being there.
“And you took my son with you?”
“Uh? Why wouldn’t I? He’s my child and I wanted to show him where I grew up and don’t you have a career to focus on? You were going to keep him the entire time I was up here?”
“So, that’s the game we’re going to play now, huh?” He said and you couldn’t help but to be confused.
“Jack, what are you even talking about? Who is playing games?”
“That was your damn plan the entire time. Move back home and take Ace with you.”
“Jack, that’s not…”
“Okay, I got something for you too. Expect me to file for full custody once he’s back across state lines.”
He immediately hung up and you were left speechless.
You knew it.
You fucking knew he would pull some shit like this.
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Safe Haven
Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x gn reader
Summary: Early morning secret tears are enough reason for Hotch to skip work and make sure you start your day all over again.
Warnings: implied depression; hurt/comfort; soft and domestic Hotch; food consumption.
Word count: 2.4k
Author’s note: another repost of one of my favorite pieces I’ve written. This one is sad so read with caution.
MASTERLIST | AO3
At six in the morning, the usual sound of Aaron's alarm blared in your bedroom. His arms lazily untangled from your waist as he stretched to turn it off then went back to snuggle you for at least two more minutes, giving you a good morning kiss on your cheek with a little groan.
The morning noise had just started — birds chirping and car engines polluting your silence. You’ve been wide awake since five, but that kiss for sure woke up the butterflies in your stomach. It’s always been the best thing to wake up to, his kisses made you start your day with an instant smile.
Aaron made your day brighter, lighter, but lately — as much as your love for him was the same — nothing made you want to get out of bed.
Those kinds of days came too often now. Even when the sun was out, it was as if a gray cloud was constantly hanging over your head, carrying every thought that decided to torment you that day.
Luckily, your alarm wasn't supposed to go off until 7:30.
Aaron kissed you one more time, making you turn around to give him a proper kiss on his lips.
“Good morning,” he whispered.
You haven’t had a good morning in a while. Still, you forced a smile and stayed in between the sheets, blinking a few times to adjust your eyes as he turned on the lamplight, paying attention to every single movement he did like always.
He’d sit on the edge of the bed to check for any message on his work phone first, then he’d make his way to the kitchen barefoot; the sound of his favorite mug being placed on the counter and water running to prepare the coffee pot brought you some sense of comfort. He'd go back to the bedroom yawning and silently open his closet door to pull out his nicely ironed suit and lay it on his side of the bed before walking to the bathroom to start the shower.
There was a time where you'd get up with him and help him choose his tie and make him breakfast while he got ready; hop in the shower with him if you were feeling playful – romantic.
It’s not that that side of you was gone, but your spark had been slowly burning out. And if it wasn’t because of your husband – his kisses, his smile, his touch, and his overall presence – the light you still had somewhere within you would’ve been long extinct.
He’d always leave the bathroom door half-open, hopeful in a way. The steam would sneak out inviting you in, almost. But you couldn’t. Not today. You knew if you went in, there would only be tears blending with the shower and him holding you in silence as you tried your best not to sob.
Shh, it’s okay.
I’m right here.
Let it out.
Those were words that came out of his mouth more often than you'd like to. They did make you feel better, but it seemed unfair. All the things he had put out with lately and every time he’d made sure to remind you of your vows: For better. For worse. For even worser . Until the very last star hanging above us disappears. For an eternity.
You've only given him your worst, and he was still with you, loving you like the very first night he said it to you. He also reminded you how you’d been there for him at his worst too; how you’d kissed away his tears many times before.
The shower soon shut off, meaning it was a matter of minutes he’d be out, and this morning you couldn’t bear that one kiss and one-sided good morning would be the only interaction between you two.
You gathered all the love you had for him and untangled yourself from the warm blankets, putting on his quarter-zip he’d worn the night before and going to prepare him something before he left you for work.
Chopped pineapple.
And finger.
“Shit!” you gasped, dropping the knife to the floor and rushing to the sink to wash off the blood that started to quickly run down your hand. “God damnit.”
It was way too early to be cursing that loud.
“Hey, hey.” Aaron came from behind and took over, gently grabbing your hand and twisting the faucet to the cold side. “What happened?”
“I just wanted to make you something.” You frowned, avoiding meeting his face. You felt stupid. You couldn't even chop your husband some fruit without messing up.
“You didn’t have to.” He softened his voice with his eyes trained on you.
“I know, I just–” You shook your head “–I don’t know.”
In silence, he stayed there helping you until the blood stopped, then wrapped your finger with a paper towel. “Do you want a bandaid?”
“No, it’s fine.”
“Hey,” he lifted your chin and you finally stared into those eyes that said I love you without even trying.
He got you to smile. I love you too, your hand caressing his cheek said. He pulled up your zipper all the way up to your chin, kissing the tip of your nose. “I should be at the office all day, do you want to meet up for lunch?”
There he was, keeping the light inside of you alive.
“Uh, yeah. I– I’ll see if I can get an extra half hour.”
“‘kay,” he said, not so convinced, eyeing you face up and down. He reached for a mug and placed it next to his, pouring coffee for both of you and adding to yours every single thing you liked on it by heart. “It’s still early for you.”
“Yeah, I’ll go back to bed in a bit.” You took a sip of your coffee and gestured at the half-chopped pineapple with your head.
He brushed his hand over your head and kept you company, all while you finished what you started and he finished his coffee.
Just having him there next to you was painful. All your mind did was flood you with memories of when you and he would have a more thoughtful breakfast – eggs, bacon, and toast, plus a side of fruit – while watching some tv on the couch before work.
He kissed your shoulder as if he’d had the same memories and washed his mug before leaving you to brush his teeth.
You carefully packed his fruit in a tupperware and when he was back next to you –jacket on, briefcase in hand and handsome as always – you handed him the container that fit just perfectly in his bag and walked him to the door, kissing him under the threshold.
“Bye,” he whispered against your lips, lifting his hand to your cheek and brushing his thumb over it.
“I love you,” you said. Or more like slipped out of you.
It’d been two days since you last said it, but Aaron didn’t make a big deal out of it. You waved him goodbye until he disappeared downstairs.
The click of the door as you shut it close hit you with loneliness and that I love you didn’t make it any better. Your lips tingled from saying it. It felt good, but the lump forming on your throat and the way your heart clenched said otherwise.
You tried to swallow it back as your feet took you back to the suddenly cloudy bedroom. Then you swallowed again because the lump was so damn stubborn.
You still had fifteen more minutes according to the digital clock over Aaron’s nightstand, so instead of using that time to put more thought on your outfit like you would’ve done a while back, you cleared your throat, tapped away the tears that wanted to escape by the corner of your eyes and sank back into bed with the covers up to your nose, taking the deepest breath with your eyes closed.
It was all in your head, and you had it under control.
You scooted a little to Aaron's side of the bed and breathed him in. It was ridiculous to think that as soon as he left you, you missed him. And when you had him right there in front of you —kind eyes, warm smile— you didn’t feel the need to tell him how much you’ve missed him.
You took another deep breath; his scent only made the lump in your throat reappear and you couldn’t stop the tears that started to prick behind your eyelids. They burned your eyes as you squeezed them shut in an attempt to keep them inside you, but they ran down your face anyway. Your chin quivered as a quiet but deep sob filled your lungs, though it was as if you couldn't breathe properly already and tried to muffle your crying against the bed covers.
You had it under control.
It was all in your head.
Just breathe.
Just breathe, damn it.
This time an audible sob came out. You tried to remind yourself that that happened — cry for no reason — and that it was okay to do it now because Aaron wasn't around. You hated crying in front of him, even though he’d already been there with you when you were at your lowest.
If it wasn’t because of him, you would’ve hit rock bottom.
You were lucky to have him and were more than okay now — better. But you still needed from time to time to let that anguish out. So you did, quickly getting Aaron’s pillow soaked with tears.
Just let it out.
Breathe.
It’ll be over soon.
The sudden sound of the front door being open shot your eyes open in the middle of shaky sobs and steps made it to your bedroom before you could even sniff your nose and wipe the tears.
"Forgot my watch," Aaron whispered but his intense glare lingered on you as you barely nodded, holding back another deep sob and squeezing your eyes shut. It was like his comforting voice reached your heart and squeezed it tightly.
Three seconds of silence passed before he sighed deeply and shifting noises brought your wet eyes to him, finding him getting rid of his jacket and kicking off his shoes.
"What are you doing?" You said with a congested voice.
"Getting back to bed." He walked to your side of the bed and slid next to you, bringing you close in a hug and kissing the top of your head.
You hated him for it, for being so good that it hurt loving him so much.
More sobs came out and this time he was there to catch each one.
"Shh, it's okay. Let it out. I'm right here for you, honey, I'm right here."
“It hurts,” you said in a shaky whisper doing as he said, letting it all out.
There was no need to tell him what happened. He already knew that what hurt wasn’t the stupid cut on your finger, and the best thing he could do was just be there, holding you tight, rubbing your back, kissing your forehead, showing you that it was okay to be broken.
“I know.”
He kept on telling you that it was okay, almost as a lullaby and soon your sobs calmed down. No more tears came out and the ones you had shed, dried up. His company made it all better, and when you heard a little snore from him, you smiled half-asleep and fell into deep slumber too.
Just breathe.
A normal morning filled your dreams, and it somehow replaced the bitter taste your actual morning left you.
The pain was not gone when you woke up though, but it sure felt like a brand new day. You gasped when your eyes got almost blinded by how bright the room had gotten with the morning sunlight.
"You're gonna be so late." You pulled back a little to catch Aaron with his eyes closed.
"It's okay." He held you tighter.
"You don't have to stay, I'm better now. I have to get ready for work anyway."
"You're not going to work either."
“Either?” you asked. He kissed your temple as a response, finally opening his eyes. Neither of you was working that day. "I'm sorry."
“There’s nothing to be sorry about,” he frowned, stroking your cheek with the back of his curled fingers.
“You don’t have to stay.” You pulled back to get a better look at his face and you couldn't hide a wince as painful pulsing drummed over your temples.
That was the worst part of crying. The freaking headaches.
“How much? From one to ten?” Aaron was already peeling himself off you to get you something for the pain.
You sat up straight and rubbed your eyes with the heel of your hands.
“Uh, five?” You squinted your eyes.
He made his way to the bathroom and came back with a glass of water and a pain killer.
You swallowed it like it was the sweetest candy.
“All of it.” He raised his brows, gesturing at the water you didn’t drink. You drank it all in a mouthful sip and handed him back the empty glass, throwing yourself back to bed. “Are you hungry?”
“Mhm.” You nodded. “But no pineapple.”
“Bacon? And eggs?”
“Yes please.” You nodded again.
Just the thought of it made your mouth water. If you were honest, he was better at cooking than you.
You dozed on and off with the sounds of Aaron in the kitchen in the background then in the next second, a quiet ‘hey’ put you back in all your senses.
Had he’d done magic to have it ready that fast? You couldn’t tell. The only thing that mattered was that it smelled — and tasted — delicious.
He made sure you’d start your morning all over again, with bacon-flavored kisses and stupid commentaries about whatever was on tv.
“Thank you,” you said as he put the tray aside.
You two went back to snuggle a little more while staring at each other in silence.
His eyes had kind of absorbed your darkness and you hated yourself for it. Of course he worried, but you wished he didn’t care that much.
Because it happened.
You were used to it.
It was nothing.
Just breathe.
“You know you can tell me anything when you’re ready,” he finally spoke.
“I know.” You nodded.
But you weren’t ready.
Not yet.
“For worse and even worser ,” he reminded you.
Just breathe.
“For an eternity.”
#aaron hotchner#aaron hotchner x you#aaron hotchner fanfiction#aaron hotchner one shot#aaron hotchner x reader#aaron hotchner x gender neutral reader#aaron hotchner fluff#aaron hotchner imagine#q
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𝒉𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒉 𝒏𝒐 𝒇𝒖𝒓𝒚 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒂 𝒘𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏 𝒔𝒄𝒐𝒓𝒏𝒆𝒅
I'm already deciding on part 3, so don't bother asking for it! do feel free to send in suggestions, characters for her to end up with, etc.
find part 1 here.
summary - after your breakup with steve, you change, no longer wanting to deal with your emotions. after months of your team not hearing from or seeing you, they decide to track you down.
warning - angst, death.
the gif and header I use aren't mine.
Warnings and Reminders - Please do not plagiarise, copy, repost/republish, adapt, or translate any of my work on any social media platforms, apps, or third-party sites. The only platforms I post my work on are: Tumblr and Wattpad. I do not own any character of any franchise (Marvel etc.) All my works are fiction and may be dark or triggering content: READ ALL WARNINGS BEFORE PROCEEDING.
The Avengers were worried. Your friends and family were concerned. Hell, even your asshole of an ex was worried. It has been months since anyone had seen or heard from you, not since the day of the gathering. The house you and Steve used to live in was burnt to a crisp. Nothing was left. You had just disappeared. Steve ended up getting a couple of bruises and some broken bones that healed from your friends. They knew he was the reason for this.
You stood there, covered in blood and surrounded by dead bodies. You had been minding your own business, wanting to grab some food and return to your cabin, but these men. Oh, these men. Why did they have to think they were better than you? Why couldn’t they have minded their own business and left you alone? Was their entire species built on invading a woman’s life? Could they not just fuck off. You were so annoyed, looking around at the pathetic beings that lay bloody and lifeless. “Men.” You growl quietly before bending down to grab your bags full of food and return to where you call home. You guess this could be a time to think about everything you have done and that has happened.
Sure, burning your house down was probably a bit over the top. But you wanted to get rid of the memory of Steve, and that was the only thing you could think of at the time. Some may call you childish or crazy for how you dealt with your emotions, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care anymore. You had spent years in a relationship with a man who was stuck in the past, who had thought you were only meant to cook, clean and bear his children. Steve didn’t really love you, he just wanted to use you, and it took him behaving like a child and throwing a tantrum for you to see he wasn’t meant for you.
It doesn’t mean you can’t have a little fun. In the end, you did love him. He did have a piece of your heart. The woman inside of you was grieving and hurting. She begged you to forgive him, make him see you were meant for him. But you were stronger than her. You know that no man could ever treat you like that. You know he wasn’t right for you, and you were on a war path. You groaned as you walked up the stairs and onto your porch. Making your way into your house, you walk past everything and to the kitchen, where you place the bags down. “Hello, people who do not live here.” You hum, facing your old team members, who look shocked as you are covered in blood.
“Y/n?” Nat steps forward, looking you up and down, trying to determine if the blood is yours. You nod, digging into the bag and pulling out your food. You reach over and grab a fork as you begin to dig in.
“That’s my name.” You give a sarcastic smile, chewing on your food. Your eyes move over everyone before focusing on your ex. “What’s he doing here? I thought you were too busy finding someone else to put up with your shit? Ya know…” You jump up onto the counter, swinging your legs as you glare. “Someone who would make a better mother than I would.” You smile before stuffing more food into your mouth, humming at its taste.
Tony tilts his head, making his way over to you, unafraid. “You’ve changed.” His eyes move over your face, and yours connect with him. He smiles. “I like it.” He pulls you into a hug, “I missed you, kid.” You smile, patting his back.
“Missed you too, dumbass.” He pulls back, and the rest of the Avengers make their way over to hug you, letting you know how much they’ve missed you and how worried they’ve been. “So… Whatcha doing here? I won’t ask how you found me because that’d be a stupid question.”
“As we said, we were worried.” Nat tilts her head, “were you attacked?” You shrug, chewing your food more. “Y/n?”
“Sorta, I guess? I don’t know. Men don’t know how to mind their business.” Your focus moves to the container in your hand, barely noticing the looks they give each other. “Yes, I killed them, and it’s not that big of a deal.”
“Not that big of a deal?! You murdered people! See, this is why I said what I said.” Steve growls, staring you down as he tries to make you uncomfortable.
“What is it, asshole day?” You groan, tilting your head back as you feel a headache form. “Yes, Steven. I murdered people, and again, you’ve stated I wouldn’t be a good mother. How about you get over that?” You hum, shovelling more food into your mouth as you stare at him without emotion. You point your fork at him. “Have you ever stopped to think that maybe you're the problem? Maybe you're the one who wouldn’t make a good parent? I mean, let’s face it, you have issues. You can’t even keep anything good in your life, and when you do find something good, you try and destroy it because you are so self-absorbed.” You roll your eyes, ignoring how some team members chuckle as you tear the retired Captain a new one. “You think you're better than any of us? You’ve killed, too. You’ve done worse. So what if I did the world a favour and took out some pathetic men? What are you going to do? What is worse than you ripping my heart out like I meant nothing to you?” You place the food down, hop off the counter and approach him with a glare.
And the dumbass decides to open his mouth. “Well, if you want my opinion–”
“I don’t.” Your glare hardens, jaw clenching as you stop yourself from killing him, especially in front of your friends and family. “I have my own.” Everyone’s breath hitches when you step closer to the towering man. “Now, if you don’t mind. I don’t want trash in my house, so I suggest you find the door before I set you on fire.” You growl lowly, sending shivers up everyone’s spines before you turn and go into your bathroom, needing to get the blood of the useless off of you.
Once you finish showering and changing into comfier clothes, you return and stop when you notice everyone bar one, still here. “Oh, you guys didn’t leave?” You look over and see Wanda preparing a feast in your kitchen while everyone else makes themselves at home around your cabin. You look around to make sure Steve isn’t hiding around a corner. “Huh, I guess trash does know how to take itself out.” Your head turns as you hear Tony laugh, nearly falling out of his seat.
“Oh, kid. You don’t know how much I missed you and your sarcasm.” He sips the very expensive whiskey that you may or may not have stolen from him. “Morgan’s missed you too, especially how you’d teach her your sarcastic ways.” You smile softly, accepting a glass from Natasha as she walks up to you.
“I’ve missed her too. I’m sorry for not rushing over when she got hurt.” You take a sip, leaning into Natasha as she wraps an arm around you.
Tony shrugs. “It’s not your fault. Don’t apologise. She had help plus. She isn’t even your kid. You shouldn’t have to apologise for not rushing to someone else’s kid.” He rubs his forehead, “It’s not your job to do that. Sure, when you are on the field. I get it because that’s our job.” Tony points at you. “Don’t let Captain tightass get to you. You’d be a wonderful mother.”
You smile, “Thanks, Tony. Always one for wise words.” You smile when Wanda comes around and kisses your cheek softly, mentioning that dinner’s ready. You all head over to the table and sit down, feeling a pair of eyes on you. You turn and notice Bucky staring at you with a soft smile. “What’s up, Buck?”
He shakes his head, “nothing. I just want you to know that I tried talking some sense into him, and when he didn’t listen and we found out the truth of your disappearance, we kicked his ass.” You giggle, shaking your head at the image. Bucky flashes a proud smile at making you laugh. He’s happy you’re smiling and loves his best friend, but Steve didn’t deserve someone like you. You deserved the world, and he knew the rest of the team was thinking it.
“Thank you, you guys didn’t have to do that. I know you’ve known him longer than you’ve known me, but I appreciate the love you’ve shown me.” You thank them, feeling loved even though deep down you feel broken. Once dinner was over, they said their goodbyes and left, promising that they’ll come and see you again. You were left alone once again. Left in your thoughts as the broken woman inside you pounded against your heart, she wanted out. She wanted to cry and grieve the relationship you once had. But anger was better than tears, better than grief, better than guilt. You walked into your bathroom and stared at yourself in the mirror. The person staring back at you wasn’t who Steve had left. She was different. “How could you have been so stupid?” You spoke to her, watching her mouth move like yours did. “Why did you fall for him?! Why did you give your heart over?!” You screamed, your fist flying forward and shattering the glass.
You were better off alone. Maybe one day you could open your heart again, and maybe one day you’ll find the person right for you. But right now, you needed to find yourself, find the woman you were without him.
thank you for reading!
feedback and reblogs are greatly appreciated.
part 3
#imyourbratzdollwork#steve rogers x reader#steve rogers fanfiction#steve rogers#steve rogers angst#steve rogers au#steve rogers drabble#steve rogers fanfic#steve rogers fic#steve rogers fluff#steve rogers one shot#steve rogers imagine#steve rogers series#steve rogers x f!reader#steve rogers x fem!reader#steve rogers x female reader#steve rogers x y/n#steve rogers x you#marvel fic#chris evans x female reader#chris evans x reader#chris evans fanfiction#chris evans#chris evans angst#chris evans blurb#chris evans character#chris evans characters#chris evans drabble#chris evans fan fic#chris evans fan fiction
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Tutor: Long Overdue
Words: 3k+
Type: Some angst, but fluff
Summary: The days after the argument.
Warnings: Rafe is the softest boyfriend in the world. Y/N has some problems with overthinking and anxiety here. Mentions of alcohol. Mentions of narcissist friends. A filler chapter for you to take a breath in the middle of the angst.
Tutor Masterlist
I do NOT give you permission to repost my work. If you’d like to read my stories on other platforms, you can find them on my Wattpad and AO3.
You wish you could say that everything went by smoothly after that conversation. But you would be lying if you said so.
When you got out of that car, your hands were visibly shaking. It was out of your control. It was a mix of all your emotions just building up inside you and wanting to come out all at once. It was the frustration, the anger, the disappointment, and the sadness. You hated every single second of that conversation. How helpless you felt at times. The way your supposed friends looked at you as you spoke. It was as if you had gone insane.
Thankfully, when inside the house, Wheezie had run upstairs for a quick shower before your tutoring class, or else she would’ve seen you cry your eyes out in front of her brother. You felt weak for doing so, but you still did it. You cried the entire time you told Rafe everything about what had happened. You noticed how he had no idea what to say or what to do for you, other than give you comfort. And you let him do it, as that felt like what you needed too.
When Wheezie had come back downstairs with her things - since she wanted to study outside this time - you had already wiped your tears clean and didn’t feel like you would cry at every sentence that left your lips. To your luck, your eyes didn’t appear too puffy when she laid her eyes on you, which spared you from many questions.
By the time you were helping her study, Rafe still kept a close eye on you. He would never disappear from your view for too long, always either sitting on his phone on the porch or coming out to the table near the pool, where the two of you were. He made you and Wheezie laugh from time to time.
It lifted your mood ever so slightly, but deep down you still were filled with worry and hurt. How far could this go? Could the girls go further than this? Maybe by telling other people, or simply talking to their other friends about this. Was there a possibility this could get to your parents before you even had the chance of finishing high school as you had planned?
All these questions, they made worry bubble in your blood at the most random of times during that afternoon. By the end of it, Ward and Rose eventually came home. Rafe was by the island of the kitchen when Rose stepped out of the kitchen to get you your monthly paycheck, and Sarah Cameron stood in that kitchen for a single second, and the first thing she said to you was: “Are you okay? You look… down.”
If that did anything to you was to force yourself to put on a better act. You were just about to go home as Ward had asked for Rafe to drive you. You didn’t want your parents to see you and ask the same things. It would be harder to lie to them than to Sarah.
You two sat in the car in silence for a bit, and you could feel Rafe’s eyes on you. Silence only gave you the excuse to want to cry more, even when you still felt ridiculous for it. You tried to hold it back, but whenever a tear would slip, Rafe was there. He calmed you down and held your hand or sometimes said something that would make your heart hurt less.
At home, you forced yourself to make conversation with your parents - knowing that if you didn’t, they would’ve followed you to your room to find a reason behind your silence. All of it was forced and unnatural small talk, but your parents didn’t seem to notice. Your mom was too focused on making a new recipe for dinner, and your dad was too focused on his reading to look up from the book in his hands.
The rest of the day wasn’t any easier. Rafe asked if you wanted to come over, but you know that it wouldn’t make anything easy. It would simply make your feelings go temporarily numb. You didn’t need that. You needed to just face it for what it is: a stupid confrontation that you saw coming from a mile away because it had to happen eventually. It just came sooner than you expected.
Sleep didn’t come easy either. By the time you finally fell asleep, there weren’t many hours of rest before having to get up for class. You hid whatever hints of your exhaustion with make-up, as well as put on a happier expression just so you could make your way through the house and to school without any questions coming from your parents.
Breakfast was uneventful, just like dinner the day before. And your dad drove you to school just as you had planned beforehand.
In class, if you were used to the girls' looks before, this day had been another level of staring. And given the fact that you share every class with each of them, your sadness and worry quickly turned into anger by lunch hour. They didn’t try to speak to you or even ambush you all at once again. They just sat there at their little tables watching you as if you were some experiment about to go wrong.
Kristy wasn’t in school. She missed every single one of her classes. And all that made you think was how thankful you were for the lack of her staring too.
By the time you were done with classes for the day and inside Rafe’s car, you were still in your depressing bubble but more annoyed than anything else. And that is when a call from Patty came in. There was going to be a party tonight.
You're not ashamed to admit you didn’t even think twice before answering her. You wanted to go to that party. And you did.
Not that you remember much from it now that you lay on Rafe’s bed, silently contemplating your life choices, but you like to think that you had fun.
You remember how you got to the party with Rafe, and quickly found Patty, who made sure to give you as many drinks as you wished to have.
Rafe stepped away to find Topper and Kelce only after he made sure that Patty was going to actually stay by your side the whole night and entertain you enough.
You drank cup after cup of different concoctions made by Patty herself. Some were actually good, others… she just told you to drink it all in one gulp.
You were able to disconnect from reality while sitting in that kitchen with her, drinking and listening to her talk you through the process of making another drink. You two talked for a long time, or at least for enough time until the both of you weren’t exactly speaking in obvious and comprehensible sentences but in slurred words filled with giggles.
And you remember that you went off to find Rafe at some point. You remember that he was very much sober at that time. You remember flashes of sitting on that couch with him and his friends. Patty would eventually join you on the couch and start a conversation that would make a lot more sense than any of the guys' around the table. You also remember that it was way funnier at the time than now.
Also, at one point into the night, you decided that playing, or better, patting Rafe’s buzzed head was the best idea you could ever have. Your drunk mind must have been blown to realize how weird it felt to touch his short hair and feel it prickle your palm. Rafe didn’t seem to mind it too much - even though he must have told you to stop at one point because you remember being dramatically hurt by something he said to you.
Maybe you had exaggerated by deciding to numb your thoughts with alcohol when you know that hanging out with these people would simply do the job. You didn’t need to get that drunk. But you still felt like it was the best time to do it, as well as with the best people.
Hanging out with people like Patty and Topper is nice. They were never your type of crowd, but even when drunk or high, last night, they did listen to you when you talked about what happened. It happened when some of you decided to step outside for some air, while others, like Rafe, decided to stay back. You told them everything, and they listened. And they also offered to help, in any way possible.
That memory alone made your heart squeeze in your chest. Maybe, yes, this is how real friends are supposed to be if they are able to. But it still felt good when they told you that if you ever needed to run away from life’s problems for a bit, they would be there for you, along with Rafe.
And to think that conversations like these resulted only from you choosing to date someone with a bad reputation.
Since the beginning, you had a feeling that you would need to talk to someone about it - you and Rafe. Simply to let them know before they find out from someone else, and everything turns shitty. And, now, all you can do is acknowledge that you missed your opportunity and everything is indeed shitty.
Your friends found out before you could even warm the waters with some information or subtle hints first. Maybe you could've told them about all the times Rafe hadn’t been like the awful cookie-cutter shape they all seem to find him fitting in at all times. You could’ve told them about how he is not bad and how he is indeed good. But you missed the opportunity to do so. You let them find out by themselves, and now they think you are in bed with a psychopath only for the thrill of it. Not with your boyfriend, who has never done a bad thing to you and is always putting you first.
Yet, even in the ocean of guilt, you can’t help but feel the anger that has begun to rise by itself. Yes, you had missed your opportunity, but your friends had also failed. They failed to speak to you in a civilized way. Failed to be there for you as they believed you were in a manipulating and abusive relationship. Failed to understand you. And failed at being your friends at the end of the day. They didn’t seem to care about your feelings that day, and they didn’t seem to care about anything but their fury toward you this week. They failed, even if you did so too.
And, as much as you hate it, there is still fear inside you. It has been pushed deep into you, hiding in a corner of your brain, stored away with other worries on top of it so it isn’t noticed by you any time soon. And that fear has a shape and name. Your parents. Because if your friends had their suspicions and found the truth, where does that put your parents?
They are a pair that believes in every word from the neighbors, as well as any word on the streets. If someone were to whisper about Rafe murdering a crocodile in the middle of the street, they would believe it - even when there aren’t any crocodiles near any roads in the OBX. They would believe it, every word of it. Maybe make theories of their own too. Imagine Rafe as this cartoonish supervillain, now wearing the skin of his victims as new shoes. It is ridiculous but absolutely believable to them.
How would they react? What would they do to you? You are of age, but still a student and living under their roof. What would they even think of you?
“Scoot over, you’re taking up the whole damn bed,” Rafe says while standing beside his bed.
You snap out of your horrible thoughts - with your mind still trying to envelop your heart with its dark and painful realities - and throw the pillow closest to you at him, hitting him in the chest. He doesn’t respond. He throws the pillow away and makes you move with a hand on your shoulder and another on your leg, pushing you further into the bed.
The coldness of the sheets under you make your body react in an uncomfortable wave of shivers, and you turn to face Rafe, who is lying on his back beside you now. On the bedside beside him, you can see that it is still early in the morning, meaning you still have a few hours before being dropped off at your house and then at school. And also, everyone in Rafe’s home is still very much asleep.
“Looking at the time won’t make it go by faster,” Rafe says, making you look at him.
“I want it to go slower, not faster.”
Rafe meets your gaze, and he holds it for a bit. A slight bit of a headache hits you right in the temple, and you try not to react by snuggling closer to the pillow under your head. Seems like you were never truly someone blessed with no headaches while hungover, just lucky on that one time.
“What’s wrong?”
“Headache.” You groan into the pillow, closing your eyes to escape his gaze for only a bit.
It takes a few seconds before he talks again.
“What else?” His tone is soft and worrisome. When hearing his question, you don’t move; not even an inch. You just lay there for a bit, listening to your own heartbeat with your ear buried in the pillow. You let some heartbeats go by in your silence, but Rafe waits for you. Never pushes you. He just waits.
“I’m… worried, I think.” You whisper so softly, you almost don’t hear yourself.
“About your friends?”
“That too,” You open your eyes as you talk, “But more about my parents.”
“Why?”
“They’re strict. Very strict,” You explain, even though you know that Rafe already knows that, or else he hadn’t been climbing your window and whispering in your room for months. “They always reacted badly to dating. And they never liked you or your family.”
“Many don’t,” he says with a small curve on his lips.
“It’s different,” you try to explain in as few words as you can, “They’re worse than Kristy or any of the girls would be.”
Rafe simply looks at you, silent. You look at him and let out a breath.
“I don’t know what they’re going to do when they find out...” You tell him, sincerely. “I just want it all to be after graduation.”
He still doesn’t say anything, so, he simply lets you talk.
“I think that’s what I’m so scared of… The fact that I don’t know what to expect from their reaction.” You sigh, “And that is why I wanted it to be later. So I can- I don’t know, run away before they get to do anything.”
“What’s the worst thing they can do?”
“I’m not sure…” You whisper, your eyes meeting his again. “Kick me out, probably. Never speak to me again,” You try to say it with a positive tone, one that doesn’t seem to consider those options to be true, when, in reality, nothing ever felt more possible than this.
Rafe makes a face that doesn’t seem like he’s convinced.
“I can’t be that bad.” And that earns him a smack.
Rafe’s laughter fills the room, and a small involuntary smile appears on your lips.
“Be serious,” You tell him, turning around to lay on your stomach and prop yourself up on your elbows. You groan with the slight headache pounding on your head, and Rafe’s hand soon lays over your head, trying to soothe the pain away.
“I’m sorry,” He says.
“I’ll think about it,” You say while meeting his eyes. Some sort of humor comes out with your words, and Rafe notices it. He grins and simply looks at you for a moment.
You two stay quiet for a little longer before you start letting more words out, explaining your worries to Rafe while he simply listens. He just lays there and nods, giving you his utmost attention.
And, as expected, you two talk for so long that time does the opposite of what you want it to. It just speeds past you two, and everyone in the house begins to get up and get ready for the day.
While listening to the doors opening and closing around the house, as well as some screaming about breakfast from one floor to the other, you two lay in Rafe’s bed in silence. Rafe’s hand is on your pillow, fallen from your hair, and now under your cheek, softly caressing it with his thumb while you lay there, hugging your pillow with your eyes closed.
Rafe stares at you for a bit. There would be no way of you catching him doing it, with your eyes closed and body ready to go back to sleep. You are laying on his bed, lacking clothes, and with only a soft white duvet over your legs all the way up to your waist. Your back is uncovered, and your hair is a mess, but the scenery is perfect. Rafe’s heart tightens at the memory of the tears you’ve spilled in the last few days. He can’t help but feel guilty over it, even when you remind him that he has nothing to feel guilty about.
You’ve told him time and time again. Whatever has happened has nothing to do with him. It has to do with control. Control that some of these people want to have over you or have had for so long - even when that control was disguised as love and worry of you ever getting hurt. Truthfully, it would’ve been indeed love if they wished to speak to you calmly and got to know Rafe. But your friends never dared to.
And Rafe knows how much you wish your parents to be different. Even when you teared up while saying it just now, Rafe listened as your tone was thick with hope - the hope of your parents to be on your side when all of it comes out. And still, all he can do is be there for you until all this ends, whenever that will be.
Rafe leans over and pulls you closer to him, which you let him with no hesitation. Your head lays over his shoulder, and your arms go around him. Rafe hugs your body close to him and kisses the top of your head, cherishing the small breath you let out as he does it.
“I love you,” you whisper to him, your breath warm against his skin.
Rafe leans his head in closer to yours and kisses your hair. There is no surprise for either of you to say it. No fear of the love not being reciprocated. No fear of rejection because all of it is obvious, even in the midst of all this mess. Those words were long overdue.
“I love you too,” He whispers, making you lean in closer to his warmth.
- - - - - -
*Giggles in 'shit is about to hit the fan but I am making y'all suffer in anticipation'*
#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron imagines#rafe cameron imagine#rafe cameron#rafe cameron x you#rafe cameron x female reader#rafe cameron x y/n#rafe cameron angst#rafe cameron fluff#tutor#tutor series#drew starkey#rafe cameron obx#rafe cameron outer banks#rafe cameron one shot#rafe cameron s3#rafe outer banks#rafe x y/n#rafe angst#rafe obx#rafe imagine#rafe x reader
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How can I help you?
masterlist
summary: since you were small, your mom has always been able to help you feel better. fallen ice cream, scratched knee, your mom always knew the solution. but now? it almost seems that even your mother doesn’t know how to help you now…
pairing: Natasha x depressed daughter reader
warnings: depression, suicidal thoughts
genre: angst, fluff
words: 1459
a/n: I’ve been in quite a weird period the past two weeks. my emotions have been weird and confusing, which is why I haven’t posted anything in a while. I apologise for not posting a lot, and I promise to get at least three small fics out this week :)
You do not have my permission to repost, copy or translate my work
|——————————— ⴵ ———————————|
You can’t really remember when it started. You were always fond of being in your room, yet at some point, being in your room wasn’t really your choice anymore. When you didn’t know who to blame, you simply blamed Covid. Ever since that virus came, your life has become confusing.
Natasha would usually just blame it on your teenage years. You were going through puberty. Your body changed. Your mind changed. Everything changed.
However, somewhere, deep down, you knew it wasn’t your age.
You graduated last year, and because you weren’t sure what you wanted to study, you had decided to take a gap year. Natasha was incredibly supportive. She said she didn’t want you to choose anything because you felt like you had to, so you didn’t choose at all.
The first few months of your gap year were amazing. You were enjoying all the free time you suddenly had, spending it with either gaming, reading, or watching your shows.
At some point, however, it started to become boring.
You didn't want to go back to school. However, you also didn’t really want to stay at home anymore either. You didn’t know what you wanted.
Most days, you slept in until noon. Natasha would leave for work early in the mornings, and you would stay behind in bed. You only saw your mother when she came home late from work. You didn’t tell her about you sleeping in so late. Your mother has always followed a healthy lifestyle. Even on the days she was free she would wake up early.
She never shamed you for sleeping in. She never woke you up or told you you needed a better sleep schedule. However, still, for some reason, you felt ashamed.
You didn’t tell her about your energy disappearing either. You didn't tell her you didn't have the energy to get out of bed anymore. You didn't tell her you lost the energy to eat. You never told her you lost the ability to take care of yourself. At one point, it just happened.
You knew that if you ever told Natasha she would be worried sick. You knew she would do anything to make you feel better. She had done so since she adopted you.
When you were five you were in the park, and Natasha had gotten you ice cream. However, you were a little too excited, and after jumping once, your ice cream rolled off its cone. You stood there crying, while Natasha simply picked you up and assured you she would fix it. She kissed your tears away and got you another ice cream, in a little paper bowl this time.
When you were 9, you were playing outside. You fell while your auntie Yelena was chasing you, and you scraped your knee. You clutched your leg and you wailed for your mama, and there she was. She picked you up and once again she kissed your tears away. She took you inside and gently cleaned your wounds. She allowed you to pick out a beautiful band-aid, and she gently placed it on your scratch, before kissing it better.
However, how could she possibly fix this? How could she place a band-aid on a wound she couldn't see?
You felt hopeless, and you felt as though the only way out would be to end it. You weren't very fond of the idea of ending your life. You didn't really want it to end, after all. You just wanted your current life to end. Your life was slow, and for some reason it felt as though you were merely floating around.
At some point, you stopped existing. You stopped being you. You just became another dot on the map.
You weren't a person anymore. You were a thing existing in this world. You were existing, but you weren't significant. You didn't matter, so what difference would it make if you weren't there anymore at all?
Today was no different. Natasha had gone to work early, leaving you to sleep in. You were still in bed, even though it was already 4 pm.
However, what you didn't know was that Natasha had been seeing something was wrong for a while. She knew you weren't yourself, and she knew you struggled taking care of yourself. Yet, for your entire life you've always wanted to do things yourself. You never wanted your mom to help you. And so, even now, she decided to give you time to figure things out for yourself.
However, now she decided that time was up. You weren't getting any better, and Natasha was only growing more worried with the day.
She had gone to work that morning, but at her job she told her boss that she was taking a few weeks off. Her daughter needed her, had been her truthful excuse, and her boss agreed. She went home around 4.30 pm, and when she entered the house she found out you were still in bed.
She walked towards your room and softly knocked on your door.
“Sweetheart? Are you there?” Natasha spoke as she opened the door, her eyes quickly adjusting to the darkness in your room.
“Are you alright, honey?” Natasha asked as she walked into your room, closing the door behind her and sitting beside you on the bed. You barely acknowledged her presence, humming softly while you pulled your blankets up a bit, trying to shield your face from the light coming from the hallways.
Natasha let her hand gently stroke your hair, feeling the oily and knotted hair that rested on top of your head.
“Are you okay?” Natasha then asked, and before you even had time to respond, you started crying.
Natasha didn't hesitate to pull you into a sitting position, pulling your body so it could lean upon hers. She allowed you to sob into her shoulder while she gently stroked you back, letting you know you were safe.
“I don't know why I feel this,” you sobbed out.
“It's alright, sweetheart, you don't have to know,” Natasha explained softly as she gave you a kiss on your hair. She held your head tightly to her chest, allowing her lips to rest upon your head.
“I don’t feel good, mama. I don't wanna be like this,” you sobbed out, and it didn't take long before Natasha realised what you truly meant by that.
However, being the understanding mom she is, she didn't comment on it. She didn't suddenly sprung you with motivational quotes, telling you you have so much left to live for. She simply held you, sushing you as you cried and sniffled in her shoulder.
“Can I help you?” Natasha softly asked after a few minutes, waiting for your confirmation.
When you gave a small nod and let out another sob, Natasha lifted your body out of your bed, carrying you towards the bathroom and putting you down on the toilet cover.
She turned the water on, allowing the bathtub to fill with hot water as steam filled the room.
“I’m gonna grab some clean clothes alright? I'll be right back,” Natasha stated as she went back into your room, grabbing some clean clothes before returning to the bathroom. She set the clothes on the rack, helping you off the toilet seat and out of your clothes.
After you were settled in the bath, Natasha pulled out some shampoo, massaging it into your head before rinsing it out, repeating the process with the conditioner.
After your hair was clean, Natasha grabbed a comb, gently working on the knots and matted parts of your hair. After she finished, she washed your hair again, enjoying the feeling of the now silky soft hair in between her fingers.
After finishing your hair, she helped you wash the rest of your body, before helping you out of the bathtub and drying you off.
Natasha didn't allow you to walk yourself, instead lifting you up into her arms and carrying you down the stairs. Luckily she was crazy strong, so despite your age, she could still easily carry you as if you were merely a small child.
After you were settled on the couch, Natasha went into the kitchen, preparing you a nice and healthy meal.
For the rest of the day, you simply sat on the couch, leaning on your mama while she gently stroked your back. It might have seemed lazy to the normal person, but for you, it was change. You weren't alone, for starters. There was daylight in the living room, and there was social interaction, even if little was being said.
In the end, you realised, that despite the wound not being visible, your mama would always be able to stick a band-aid on it.
Fic tags: @prentissluvrz @natsbiggestfan1
Permanent tags: @marvelnatasha12346 @lesbionion @nova-kyle @darkstar225 @saraaahsstuff @marvelwomenarehot0 @screechcat @iheartjohansson @tia-thesimp @swaqcenix @karmasgxrl @marvel-lous3000 @n0txn3vee @lorsstar1st
#black widow#marvel#natasha x reader#mcu#avengers#natasha romanoff#natasha x reader platonic#natasha x daughter#marvel reader insert#natasha romanov#natasha#natasha romanoff x teen reader#natasha romanoff x daughter#natasha romanoff x reader platonic#marvel cinematic universe#reader insert#depressed reader#natasha x depressed reader#mama natasha
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Hiiioo!! Can I have trafalgar law with #13? Fluff and fem reader. Thanks 🎄
Hi and Merry (Early) Christmas. This was a little hard at first. These were two things that didn’t seem to go together, but hopefully I gave you something you will love. Enjoy!
Day 16: Law - Santa is Real, Who Do You Think Brings the Presents?
It was Christmas time, which meant everyone on the Polar Tang (even Law begrudgingly) was decorating. Since you were all busy being a pirate crew, you waited till Christmas Eve to decorate.
You noticed Bepo leaving the port hole open, and whenever someone came over to close it, he told them not to. “Hey Bepo,” you said, approaching him, “we should probably close the port hole. We don’t want a draft to come in or anything.”
“No,” he yelled, blocking you from going up the metal ladder to close it, “we have to let Santa get in! If we don’t leave it open, he’ll skip the submarine.”
“Oh honey, Santa isn’t real.”
“Of course, Santa is real, who do you think brings the presents?” Law, you boyfriend, injected into your conversation, “Bepo, can I borrow Y/N for one minute?”
Bepo nodded and Law led you into his room, which was covered in shiny silver tinsel. You assumed Bepo did it based on the fact that if anyone else went in his room, they’d be dead.
“Bepo doesn’t know about Santa, so we do this. Just go along with it.”
“Why not just tell him?”
“I can’t see him cry. It’s one of my biggest weaknesses. That and your puppy dog eyes.”
You understood his reasoning. Seeing Bepo cry was your biggest weakness as well. A bright idea popped into your head. “Hey Law, you know I love you right? I have a plan. You in, honey?” you asked with puppy dog eyes. He sighed loudly, “I don’t like the sound of this.”
You and Bepo were up all night, the only light coming from the hundreds of Christmas lights and the starlight coming from the porthole door. You convinced him that if you saw Santa, that you’d believe. It was currently 1AM. Bepo was so excited! He was going to meet Santa!!!! Not the fake Santas at the different ports, but the actual Santa.
Suddenly, someone started to climb through the porthole. A pair of old black leather boots and a red velvet suit came down the ladder and into the Polar Tang.
“Ho ho ho,” said the man, jolly as can be, “looks like my biggest fan came to say hello this year. I have a lot of presents for everyone on the ship. Even that grumpy, annoying and beautiful nonbeliever.”
“Oh my god Santa! Look, I told you he was real!”
You giggled, “I can see that Bepo. Looks like you proved me wrong! Now, go get some sleep, Bepo. I need to apologize to Santa.”
You walked up to the white bearded man, as Bepo disappeared into the distance and into his room. You two checked to make sure the coast was clear. “Good job. Looks like your Whitebeard impression really did come in handy for once, Captain.”
The man started to take his beard off, revealing Trafalgar Law, “you owe me big time for this! You’re lucky I love you!”
“I know! Thank you Law. I think we made this the best Christmas for him. I should get some sleep. You have a lot of presents to deliver, Santa.”
“I take it back…you annoy me more than Kid and Luffy combined.”
Please do not copy, modify, translate, repost my writing on other platforms. Comments, reblogs or likes are highly appreciated!
#one piece#trafalgar d vivi#25 days of a one piece christmas#christmas event#christmas#trafalgar law#trafalgar law one piece#op law#law trafalgar#trafalgardwaterlaw#trafalgar one piece#one piece trafalgar law#trafalgar d law x reader#trafalgar law x you#law x reader#law x you#law x y/n#trafalgar law x y/n#trafalgar law x reader#one piece x y/n#one piece x reader#one piece x you#op x reader#op x y/n#op x you#x reader#one piece fluffy#op fluff#trafalgar law fluff
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love you need | s.h
shawn hunter x fem!reader
summary: you notice shawn distancing himself from you and the group until one night she shows up at your door hoping to talk it out.
warnings: angst! both shawn and reader have some self doubt.
a/n: this is my first time writing for shawn, and tbh it’s been a hot minute since i’ve rewatched bmw so😭 but i really miss shawn and i relate to his character sm. so i might start writing for him now, this is just to test the waters. enjoy !
requests open
not proofread
Copyright © 2023 bartxnhood. All rights reserved. This original work is not allowed to be reposted on any platform in any format.
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you stand at your locker rummaging through your books searching for your history book. “hey!” topanga hollers, followed by cory. you push you locker door inwards revealing the couple. “have you seen shawn?” cory questions, you simply shake your head and close your locker. “no, why?” you ask, leaning against the metal. “i haven’t heard from him over the weekend. totally unusual, normally i csnt get rid of him” cory answers, your eyebrows raised. now that you think of it, he hasn’t called or stopped by to see you either.
shawn was the type of boyfriend to check in occasionally, even out of school. he’d often surprise you with small gifts just to lighten things up if you were having a bad day. so this was out of character for him, if he was sick or something came up he’d always tell you or cory. something wasn’t right.
“wel..” you trailed off, furrowing your brows. “we can call if he doesn’t show. surely he wouldn’t not show up and not have a reason or tell us” the other two agrees and decided to let it go for the rest of the day.
but a day turned into two, and next thing you knew he never showed that whole week. you tried desperately to call but each time it went to voicemail. you felt frustrated, why did he disappear all of a sudden? why didn’t he tell anybody? you were high strung for the remainder of that week. snapping at people when you didn’t mean to but, nothing was as important as shawn was to you.
“did i do something to upset him?” you’re laying on topangas bed. she invited you over to work on a project, but after you stayed for dinner. “what if he doesn’t want to be with me anymore? what if he found someone else.” your mind is racing, why else would shawn not come to school or return your calls?
you hear topanga sigh, and came to your aide. “y/n, look at me” you sit-up, looking at her. she puts her hands on your shoulder, “he loves you, y/n. i’m sure he has a reason for why he’s been gone.” you groan, she was probably right but it didn’t your heart from aching. “now, cmon. let’s go eat dinner, okay? get your mind off things.”
it wasn’t unusual for you to be home alone as your parents were typically on work trips. you had your own little routine after school. you’d come home, make a snack, do some homework, maybe read for a couple hours, shower, then go to bed. but today was different, after doing your homework you were pretty exhausted so you had just planned on laying down. thank god you we’re graduating in a few months, the work was beginning to run you down mentally.
it seemed no matter how hard yo supplied yourself, you always came in last. you were barely making the grades to pass your classes, but you were trying so hard.
as you were entering the bathroom, ready to brush your teeth and wash your face you heard banging at your door. of course, you didn’t want to answer because who would be banging on your door at this hour? but, something told you to answer it. you cursed at yourself mentally, you were too nice for your own good and your kindness would be your demise. but when you opened the door you didn’t expect to see him. “shawn?”
“i’m sorry for coming here so late but i just didn’t know where else to go.” shawn states as he runs his hand through his hair. your heart broke just looking at him. it looked like he hadn’t slept in days, his eyes were so dark, he looked beyond exhausted. “shawn, you don’t have to apologize. you know you’ll always have a place here.”
shawn took a seat at the edge of your bed he feels like his heart has been ripped out, all he wants to do is sleep and probably never wake up again. “i just” he rubs his eyes. “i got left alone again, dad went out. i just i didn’t have the guts to face you.” he feels so little, sitting in front of you like this on the verge of tears. “oh, shawn..” you cup his face making him look at you. “it’s okay, you know i’ll always be here. no judgement, shawn. it’s just you and me” you offer a smile.
you see the tears swell in his eyes. shawn wraps his arms around you and rests his head on your stomach. “i’m sorry” he says just above a whisper. “shawn, you didn't do anything wrong. there's nothing to apologize for." you feel him shake his head against your, “no, y/n. i’m sorry i’m not good enough for you.” tears begin to fall from his eyes and he hold on to you as if you were about to be ripped away from him.
“i live in a trailer park, i have nothing to offer you, you could do some much better than me..i don’t deserve you, y/n. you need someone who can provide and give you what you need..i don’t know if i can be that person for you, y/n” you can feel his tears staining your shirt. you remove his arms from your waist as you fall to your knees so you could be eye level with him. “shawn. listen to me” you wipe away his tears, smiling sadly. “you are good enough for me. in fact, i often think you’re too good for me because sometimes i think you could find someone better than me.” now you begin to tear up, confessing all of your bottled emotions.
“shawn, i have felt this toward someone as much as i have you. you’ve saved me so many times and you probably don’t even know it. i promise, you are good enough. you’ll always be good enough,okay? i’ll always be here for you, just let me be the love you need.” tears begin to fall from your eyes, so now the both of you are a crying mess.
“don’t cry, i hate seeing your cry” shawn hums, he wipes away your tears and rests his hand on your cheek. you nod, “i know..” sniffling.
there’s a moment of silence between you two, a comfortable silence. shawn is staring at you. admiring you, puffy eyes and all. he realizes how in love he is, that no matter what life throws at him that he will always have you. shawn softly rubs the pad of his thumb over your check.
“i love you.”
you blink, a few seconds of silence fills the room. he hadn’t said that to you yet, in your years of dating he hadn’t said he loved you, once. shawn was too afraid to love anybody. afraid that he’d ruin the person he wants to love. shawn was like that most of his life, until you changed his mind.
“what?” you feel all the air leave your lungs, your emotions were all over the place now. from crying to now feeling this warmth in your chest as you heard him say the words you had been waiting so long to hear. “say it again”
“i love you, y/n.”
instinctively you wrap your arms around his neck, embracing him in a tight hug. “i’ve been waiting to hear that for so long” you sniffle. shawn rubs you back, you feel him nod. “i know, i should’ve said it a long time ago.”
hours later, after the both of you had spilled your hearts to each other, you offered him dinner but he denied claiming he just wanted to lie down.
you rested comfortably on his chest, he drew circles on your spine. both of you enjoying the silent. “i want to spend the rest of my life with you.” you say. shawn is taken aback, looking down at you. “what?” you look up, smiling softly. “i know we’re still young, but there’s no one else in my life i’d want besides you. i want to be with you forever.” you see him smile, and he tightens his grip around you.
“i like the sound of that…y/n hunter…that has a nice ring to it”
#shawn hunter#shawn hunter x reader#bmw imagines#boy meets world fanfic#shawn hunter fanfic#shawn hunter imagine#shawn hunter x you#shawn hunter x y/n#bmw x reader#boy meets world fanfiction
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The Forgotten Maiden || Part 1
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Character: Zhongli
Type: Angst, and tragedy
Content: You are the God of Light, you were once Zhongli’s beloved lover as he promised his full heart to you before his departure to the archon war, however, once he returned, he was injured and lost his memory of you. You figured out that he fought the god of memories and the impact of this fight affected his memories of you.
[ Please don’t repost, this is my original story. ]
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You were standing alone on Starsnatched Clift, reminiscing events of the past. When you realized he hasn’t remembered you, you tried everything in your power to help him remember. Pictures, monuments, structures, even silly contracts that you and him made together as jokes. Nothing. Helplessness is all you felt now. You lost your home, your lover and your self in one day, without protest. The moment you saw he was happy in Liyue, seeing his friends, eating at restaurants, was the moment you decided, maybe it is for the best.
He as another life now, and you don’t have the right to intrude on that anymore. He is happy and that is all you want. Ever since then, it’s been about 1000 years since you’ve seen him. You avoided him. Him? No. You avoided heartbreak. You now wander Teyvat alone, helping Travelers, and using your powers in little ways. Bringing light onto struggling trees and plant, helping the sun shine brighter, Lighting up dark places, and helping in other small ways. I guess you can say you were a traveler yourself. Your light can help any flower grow despite the circumstances.
You were living a isolated and quiet life until you met Lumine and Paimon. You accompanied them in bounties, commission, and helped them collect certain plants. However, Lumine requested your help with something that makes you nervous.
“So, what do you say?” Lumine says with sparkling eyes.
“U-Um, I am not sure, I haven’t been in Liyue for a while, and for a reason at that.” You responded, nervously.
“What reason would that be? Paimon is curious.” Paimon pushed on the subject a little farther.
“Haha, that is a secret.” You smiled, saving yourself from your history being exposed. “Why do I need to go to Liyue to grow glaze lilies? I can just grow them here and harvest them for you, friend.”
Lumine continues to explain. “Well...I am helping Mr.Zhongli, He wants to collect these things. I tried to sing to them but not much luck. So was hoping you could have better luck.”
You signed and looked towards the side. You thought about it a bit. Do you really wanna see Morax right now? However, it has been a 1000 years, you feel like you have given up and you won’t react to these situation the way you used to. Maybe, you can handle it...
You were so wrong, you can’t handle it. Just as you arrived in Liyue harbor through Guili Plains, you felt so much emotions. Liyue was a place that hurts being in. However, you kept yourself together, for Lumine, a friend. You two continued to traveled through Liyue, looking at stores and restaurants. Liyue really has prosper, throughout the years. You made some mental notes on revisiting some areas for yourself later.
You were enjoying the view, until-
“Mr. Zhongli, I found someone who can help with the Glaze Lilies!” Lumine said happily and looked at you.
You froze, his outfit was different but he still had the same face. However you sense him as a human now, rather then a god. You wanted to hide, and disappear. You hated this, you hated Liyue, you hated him. You sucked it up and gave it your best smile, despite the heavy heart of a face you used to kiss. A face you desire more affection and touch from. Seeing his hands, that hands that used to touch you, hold you, your face -- you desperately tried to hold back you desire to touch him familiarly. You really were touch starved.
“Ah, you must be the proclaimed “Light Maiden” I have been hearing so much about, your adventures have seem to help people all around and about.” The tall brown gentlemen with formal attire greeted you through rumors heard. He had his arms crossed, and closed his eyes thinking about all the information he has heard about you. This happens to be enough to perk his interest in you and the powers you have. This made you feel knotted in your stomach, you wanted to avoid him in all cost. You want, no interest at all.
You smiled and tilt your head a bit.”L-Light Maiden?”
“Yes, have you not been aware of your reputation?” He said with his hand to his chin, forever pondering your being.
You did a light hearted laugh. “Haha, no, not at all. I just offer assistance to whoever needs it.”
Zhongli nodded.”Virtue is one of the best languages to be spoken, it brings only greatness to those who have it and those you gives it.”
Lumine smiled and redirected the conversation. “ Let’s head to the glaze lily field, we shouldn’t hold up on this any longer.”
“I agree, lets.” Zhongli agreed and began to lead the way. You followed quietly but tiredly due to this meeting. Or well “Reunion”. They lead you to a dead field, with only glass, but no glaze lilies.
“Here?” You asked and looked around. “ There are no Glaze lilies here.” You placed your hand on the ground.
“Yes, unfortunately, it’s rare to find them in the wild, humans grow them artificially, however, it’s been years since I’ve seen one grow outside of Liyue like this.” He explained, retaining his experience with the blue flower.
Lumine chimed in. “As you guys do that, Paimon and I will go get the Bell from Madam Ping!” She smiled and turned away, leaving you two alone.
You signed at this condition and circumstance you are in. You want to leave and want this to get over with. Despite it being night time, you looked around, seeing for spots to grow a batch of Glaze Lilies. You worked quietly trying to ignore Zhongli.
You placed your hands together and a bright sunlike hue glowed from it, it grew brighter like it was a mini sun. You held it over the dead dirt area as Glaze lilies started to grow to a full adult at a fast pace.
Zhongli all of a sudden spoken out curiosity and awe. “ You truly do have these powers.”
You scoffed, “Did you think I was lying?” You said gently and continued your work.
Zhongli, “No, not at all, my apologies if I came off that way. I merely was just speaking my thoughts. These Glazed Lilies looks like the finest I have ever seen.”
You chose not to respond and kept on working. Zhongli continued to speak. “ This reminds me of the God of Light, it has been said that she was a kind god. However, she fell into depression once she lost her lover had lost memory of her and she went into hiding.”
You froze as the light you were using went out in a second. “I see.” You checked the flowers and kept the back of your head to him. You tighten your fist. 2000 years of grief have been building up in you.
“It is still unknown who her lover i-”
“What do you know?” You instant cut him off and spoken to him harshly.
Zhongli stood and looked at you. “It seems I might’ve upset you with this topic.”
You turned your head to give him the coldest side glare you have ever given him. “You know nothing Morax and you will still continue to know nothing.”
Zhongli unfazed, standing still. “Seemingly you knowing my true name can signify that we have some history together, Though I can’t tell who yo-”
“NO ONE! I was never anyone to you! You forgotten me 2,000 years ago, the one day in the centuries I come to see you, you start spouting nonsense about me to my face.” Despite it being 1000 years since you saw him, he forgotten you 2000 years ago, at the end of the archon war. You tried to help him remember you for 1000 years, but once it was no use, you left. Thus, not seeing him for the second half.
Zhongli widen his eyes in surprised at your sudden outburst and claim to being the god of light, even more, him being the lover that forgotten her.
You started to tear up, you were so angry, and spiteful. All these years and this is what you got? Of course, you knew better, he didn’t remember you, but that only makes it worse. It got even worse that he stood there unfazed with an unchanging expression, as if he is trying to assess the situation. Frustration. Years of Frustration quells upon your throat. All he could give was his silence. You weren’t expecting him to magically get his memory back but deep inside, you hoped for some flicker of recognition of you in his eyes.
You took a deep breathe and turned away. You lost your cool, and now very heated. You immediately walked away and disappeared, you’ve had enough, leaving half grown glazed lilies along with a seemingly uncaring man.
#genshin angst#genshin drabbles#genshin impact x reader#genshin headcanons#genshin impact#genshin impact story#genshin zhongli#genshin morax#zhongli x reader#zhongli#morax x you#morax x y/n#morax x reader#zhongli x you#zhongli x y/n
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told you so
(when you go on a date with your enemy, and he advises you against it)
synopsis: Being a target of taunting from your enemy was your daily struggle, and when you seemed to get used to it, all of your worries disappeared when you met your new friend. but what if old feelings still didn’t pass?
contains: bff!Heeseung x fem!reader | genre: angst with a fluffy ending (requested), high school au, college au, friends to lovers | tw! mentions of food, bullying, swearing, arguing, crying, kissing and touching without consent, mentions and attempt of assault, please read at your own discretion! y/n being oblivious and delusional, basically he fell first and harder 🤩 | wc: 7,4k
author’s note: while writing this i didn’t have any specific Jisung in mind, this name just popped into my head 😬 also this was originally written to be a mini series but it didn't get much attention so i’m reposting it as a one shot :)) enjoy!
reblogs, likes and comments are highly appreciated!!!
original taglist: @nicholasluvbot, @simpforsunwoo, @sweetjaemss
Morning, Wednesday, 9th January 2019
You watched as Jisung and his friends emptied your school bag and all your books, notebooks, documents and other personal stuff fall on the wooden floor. All of them laughed while exchanging mean looks. Jisung came up to you, lowered his head to the level of your eyes, and smiled viciously.
“You better hurry, Y/n. I don’t think you want to be late for math class, right?” he asked sarcastically and ruffled your hair.
Trying to keep calm you watched as he wandered off to the class with the rest of the boys he hangs out with. You looked at all the things he threw on the floor and sighed. He never seemed to let you breathe peacefully and lavished you with his nasty comments. Both of you used to be great friends back in middle school, but then he got into a pretty bad environment and became your worst nightmare. Every class you had with him was hours of suffering. You often thought about old times, wondering if there was a way to prevent this.
Crouching down to pick your stuff up you heard how the sound of steps behind you echoed in an empty hallway. You turned your head around to see who was coming. You tried really hard to recognize his face, but you didn’t think you had ever seen him.
“Hi,” he said. His lips slightly parted as he watched your belongings on the floor. “Let me help you.”
He crouched next to you and helped you gather your books and notebooks as you collected smaller items. He neatly put them into your bag and helped you stand up from a not-really-comfortable position.
“Thank you, I really appreciate your help.” You smiled and once more scanned his face to be sure you’d ever seen him.
“I’m Heeseung by the way. I’m new here,” he spoke as he offered his hand to greet you.
“Oh, I was wondering why I couldn’t recognize you.” You smiled sheepishly. “My name’s Y/n.”
Noon, Friday, 17th May 2019
You and Heeseung clicked almost immediately. Both of you had similar hobbies and musical tastes. Since your favorite subjects were his problem and vice versa you helped each other with homework and exam preparations, usually in the calm setting of your local library. He didn’t have problems settling into a new environment. Quite quickly he made a group of friends, bugging you to tag along every time they went out somewhere. His talent for basketball also didn’t slip by the team's coach, who didn’t waste time to make him join training.
Heeseung never failed to bring a smile to your face with his quick-witted jokes and interesting stories about his life before he moved to your city. Being with him healed you in every possible way, making thoughts of Jisung almost completely forgotten. After seeing you spend your breaks with Heeseung made him stop approaching you for some reason. Sometimes when you were alone, because he had to get something done or had different classes made you anxious. You knew that whenever he was next to you, Jisung wouldn’t do anything bad.
The bell rang announcing a long-awaited lunch break. You packed your stuff and looked at Heeseung. You opened your mouth to ask the usual question about your table, but he spoke faster.
“Coach said he needs me for a second, I’m pretty sure it won’t take long. I’ll join you as soon as I’m done, okay?” He didn’t let you say anything and just dashed away after gently patting your shoulder.
You stood there watching as he disappeared behind a corner and let out a shaky sigh. That was the first time you were going to eat lunch alone ever since you met him in March. You even considered waiting for him, just to not have to sit there alone. Then a sudden wave of confidence rushed through your body, thinking “What can go wrong? He said it’s not gonna take long.”
You made your way to the school cafeteria, looking at every student that passed by, praying none of them would belong to Jisung.
After you took your tray with a full meal you sat down at your usual table and watched the entry, nervously waiting for a familiar, friendly silhouette. What you saw was far away from that. You saw Jisung and his friend enter the cafeteria. He noticed you right away. His face showed anger, eyes sharp and fierce. His look made you quiver slightly, unable to look anywhere else. He took his tray and sat at the table behind you. You could hear every bite he took on his apple, loud cracks piercing your ears. You started to count second, wishing Heeseung would come back quickly.
Time passed and you still were sitting alone at the table. Some students finished eating while your tray was still full of food. As much as you tried eating you couldn’t muster up the energy to raise a fork to your mouth.
“Where the hell is he? What is taking him so long? He said he’ll join me.” Your thoughts were disrupted by a fine figure of a man hovering over your form. He leaned into you, his breath brushing your ear.
“Long time no see, Y/n.” His malicious tone sent shivers down your spine, and you could feel tears ready to spill out of fear. “You thought I was done with you just because you started hanging out with that asshole?” He said as he brushed away the strand of your hair. He leaned even closer to you and whispered straight to your ear: “You know I will never back off.”
“Well, maybe you should.”
You noticed Heeseung standing in front of your table.
Jisung came up to Heeseung and asked: “Or what, asshole? What you’re gonna do?” He suddenly collared him and shook his form. His actions were stopped when a loud voice echoed in the cafeteria.
“Choi Jisung!” Heeseung’s coach screamed, his voice in a humbling manner. Jisung let go of Heeseung still maintaining eye contact with him.
“I guess I don’t have to do anything in particular.” Heeseung smiled at him snidely and watched as he made his way out of the cafeteria. He then shifted his look at you who was still slightly trembling at an unexpected and not really pleasant encounter with one of your classmates.
His eyes softened looking at your form, his heart breaking from the regret of not coming to you sooner. He hesitated whether what he should do and finally rubbed your back with his palm in a comforting move. He felt as if you loosened up under his touch. Seeing you calm down he sat down next to you and tried to shift your attention from a bad experience with Jisung.
“You should eat, Y/n. I’m sure it’ll help.” He took a glance at your tray. “I know how you love that pudding,” he spoke and placed the box right in front of you making you smile.
Afternoon, Friday, 17th May 2019
“Y/n can we talk about today?” Heeseung asked. You were laying in his bed, surrounded by notes from your biology class.
You looked at him. His eyes were serious but soft at the same time. You felt bad that you didn’t tell him about your bumpy relationship with Jisung, mostly because you thought the problem solved itself when you met him. But today’s events successfully proved you wrong.
“About what?” You played for time.
“About Jisung and what happened in the cafeteria.” He got straight to the point. He moved his chair to be right in front of you. “Why didn’t you tell me he bullies you?”
“Because he doesn’t,” you simply stated shifting your gaze back to your notes. Somehow word ‘bully’ made your ego ache. You weren’t bullied, at least that’s what you said to yourself.
“Well his action said something else,” he firmly said making you snap.
“What do you know, Heeseung? You don’t know him at all, yet you’re accusing him of bullying.”
Your response took him aback. “Y/n you were literally trembling at his touch and the sound of his voice. Fuck it, you were almost crying!”
“No, I wasn’t!”
“Y/n don’t act like I’m blind. Besides, I know you well.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure,” you said and rapidly got up, gathering your notes into your bag and storming out of his room. Heeseung watched your irrational actions in utter shock. Why were you so offended? Even you didn’t know why you overreacted like that. Maybe it was because of your past friendship with Jisung? Maybe you still believed he would change for the better, and you would happily be friends like you used to be? Or maybe you would be more than friends like you always dreamt?
You walked downstairs and hurriedly started to put on your shoes. Just when you were about to go out you heard your friend’s mom.
“Y/n? You’re leaving so early?” She asked. “I’m preparing your favorite, kimchi fried rice.” She smiled warmly.
“I’m so sorry, Ms. Lee, but I need to go early today.” You felt bad lying to her, she always treated you like a daughter making sure you were never hungry whenever you hung with Heeseung. “Have a great evening!” You quickly said closing the front door behind you.
Even though it was the middle of May, the weather was rather chilly. You still had your school uniform on, your short skirt not warming you up enough.
“Y/n!” You heard Heeseung’s voice behind you. Hesitating if you should stop or run straight to your house you finally stopped your tracks. Even if you ran he would easily catch up.
You turned around and soon, Heeseung stopped in front of you, breathing heavily from his jog. You let him catch a breath and didn’t say anything.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to make you mad.”
You thought for a while, you really wanted to stay mad at him for a while, but as hard as you tried, you just couldn’t. You lowered your gaze and replied: “It’s okay. I know you meant well. But you don’t need to worry about me.” You assured.
Your answer didn’t seem to satisfy him, but he remained silent. He opened his arms, offering a conciliatory hug, which you gladly accepted.
“I should go home now,” you announced, still in his embrace.
“Can I walk you home?” he asked, knowing your answer.
“I think I would rather go by myself today. Thanks though.” You slowly pulled out from his arms and waved your hand in goodbye.
Heeseung watched you walk for a while. He couldn’t stop thinking about everything you said. Your words clenched his heart, almost making him tear up. He knew one thing: he definitely will worry about you, and won’t let this happen ever again.
Evening, Saturday, 1st June 2019
“Y/n! Heeseung is already here!” Your mom shouted from downstairs as you did the final touches to your hairstyle.
“I’m coming!” you shouted and hurriedly took your purse. Skipping your way to the hallway you saw Heeseung with a small bouquet in his hands as he talked with your mom with a warm smile. She noticed your presence first.
“Y/n come here quickly.” She gestured for you to stand next to Heeseung. “Let’s take a photo. Make a pose.”
Both of you tried different poses for the photo, from the normal ones to your usual, funny ones. After a short photo shoot, you made your way to Heeseung’s car and drove to have fun at prom.
You arrived at school quite late, as other students were already dancing in the hall. You were about to get out of his car when he stopped you with a soft hand motion. You were slightly confused but all the concern disappeared when you saw his jog around the car to your side. He opened the door gallantly and offered his hand.
“Wow, so chivalry is really not dead, huh?” you remarked and smiled at him while getting out.
“Y/n, I’m afraid you forgot who I am.” He placed his hand on his heart with an injured look on his face.
“Lee Heeseung, I envy your future girlfriend, whoever she is,” you said and made your way toward the other students.
Heeseung watched as you go with dreamy eyes and a moony smile. He couldn’t stop thinking about how gorgeous you looked tonight ever since he laid his eyes on you at your house. And not only today, the day he met you he never thought you’ll get so close and make him fall not only for your looks but charming personality, versatile knowledge, and full of empathy heart. “Hopefully you won’t have to envy her,” he thought to himself planning on confessing his feelings for you today.
When you entered the hall, your ears were pierced by loud music and the stumping of hundreds of feet. Parties like those weren’t your cup of tea, but it being prom convinced you to try having fun along with your classmates. Besides, being aware that you’re not going to be there by yourself helped you harness your train of thought. It wasn’t the first party you attended with Heeseung, but it was definitely the biggest of them all, and most importantly it wasn’t just a house party.
“Shall we?” You heard your friend’s voice and smiled. You danced all night next to each other, jumping and showing off your moves with occasional breaks to drink something or just take a breath.
Both of you sat down on a bench and watched as your classmates were also getting pretty tired. You looked at the clock which showed 10 pm. Four hours of dancing with Heeseung passed in a blink of an eye. You were about to ask him when they plan on leaving when the DJ announced a slow song. Just when you were about to stand up and freshen up in the bathroom none other than Heeseung showed in front of you, his figure towering over yours.
“May I have this dance?” He smiled but his tone wasn’t playful, but serious. Almost too serious.
You simply nodded your head in response and let him guide you to the middle of the dance floor. He took one of your hands into his and placed the other one on your waist, pulling you a little bit closer to him, to the point you felt how his breath fell on your nose. You never were in that close proximity to him, apart from that one hug after your quarrel, but none of you felt awkward at all. The feeling of his hands on your body made you feel safe and at ease, contrary to what you experienced throughout the past few years of high school.
Heeseung looked at you with full adoration in his eyes as you struggled to dance with him, occasionally stepping on his foot.
“Sorry, I had never danced like this,” you confessed sheepishly.
“Don’t worry. Just follow my lead, Y/n,” he murmured in a low voice, sending shivers down your spine. You did as he said, focusing on making the correct steps. Heeseung pulled you even closer, making you both sway in an intimate hug. Hug too intimate for friends. You noticed how his face slowly came closer to yours, and when your foreheads almost touched suddenly both of you landed on a cold, wooden floor. You took a look around and noticed how the other pair fell on the ground, the boy frantically apologizing to you and Heeseung for pushing you. You saw how his jaw clenched and eyes sharpened.
“Well, you should be more careful,” he snapped.
“Heeseung, it’s okay.” Your voice made his face soften and shift his now calm gaze to you. He helped you get up and fix hair that loosened because of the impact. While he was busy fixing your hairclips you noticed a pair of eyes watching you like a hawk. His gaze wasn’t sharp and aggressive like in the cafeteria two weeks ago. It was rather interested and invested. He watched you calmly but your heart started its usual race at the sight of his eyes on your form.
“Are you okay?” Heeseung asked worriedly, noticing your distant gaze.
“Yes,” you answered shortly and quickly. “Yes, I’m fine.”
“Do you want to dance some more or sit down? It must’ve hurt,” he spoke, referring to your fall.
“Actually, can you drive me home?” you asked hurriedly. You didn’t want the situation in the cafeteria to happen again. And knowing Heeseung you knew it was very probable.
His expression dropped at your words, pursing his lips he nodded and lead your way to his car.
Contrary to the ride to the prom, this way was way quieter. None of you dared to speak. One because of regret and the other because of anxiousness. You looked at the trees that you passed by and how almost all windows were dark. You recognized your neighborhood and prepared to get out of his car when his voice stopped you.
“Y/n?”
You looked at him, your face painting a question, asking him to continue.
He debated for a while. “It’s this moment. Now or never,” he thought to himself.
“I had so much fun with you today, Y/n,” he simply stated, hesitation winning over his will to finally confess.
“Thank you, I also had so much fun.” You smiled and bid your goodbyes, leaving him in his car alone with his thoughts.
“Will you ever realize?”
Afternoon, Tuesday, 18th October 2022
The faint sound of keyboards’ clicking and soft whispers between students, accompanied by rustling scribbling on paper always helped you study. The whole atmosphere helped you compose yourself after long days of school and now college. Getting onto the major of your dreams wasn’t easy, but thanks to your investment in finals preparations and the help of your friends, you succeeded. Not only you studied what you’d always wanted, but you also weren’t as lonely as you were in high school. Because of similar interests, you quickly got in with them, spending breaks in each other’s company and having occasional sleepovers and other friendly hangouts. Thanks to them, accustoming to college life wasn’t as harsh and hard as you expected it to be.
Many things changed since you graduated from high school, apart from one thing - your usual friendly study dates with Heeseung were still a tradition none of you dared nor wanted to break. One would think that studying different subjects would break your friendship, but it only tightened the bond you had.
Heeseung reached for his backpack and took out a small box filled with white and red grapes. He placed it between you two so that you also could grab some. Seeing that you also took out your lunch box with walnuts and cashew nuts. You poured them into his box, knowing how he liked mixed flavors of grapes and nuts. He noticed that and immediately smiled in your direction, whispering a faint but still audible “Thank you”. You returned the smile and focused on your notes once again.
On the other hand, as much as he tried to, Heeseung couldn’t. His mind was flooded and confused about his own feelings for you, which only grew stronger as time passed. Ever since he tried confessing and getting closer to you during prom he didn’t dare to try again. The panic he saw in your eyes spoke for themselves. Fear of losing you overwhelmed his heart, he knew he wouldn’t be able to endure that. That’s why he tried ignoring all the love he had for you, usually failing miserably.
“What are your plans for the weekend?” you asked quietly, trying not to disturb other people around you.
Heeseung got back to his senses and thought for a second. “I have a basketball match at 6 on Saturday,” he replied, raising his one eyebrow. “You forgot?” he asked but it sounded more like a statement, not a question.
You pursed your lips together and smiled sheepishly. “Sorry.”
“No worries. Are you still planning to come?” He closed his book and turned around to face you directly.
“Of course!” you exclaimed in a whisper. “I never missed any of your matches and I’m not planning to change that. I like seeing you win,” you added, not knowing you caused his heart to flutter and a swarm of butterflies to fill his stomach.
“What if I don’t win?” he asked, unable to control a bright smile.
“I think we both don’t believe it will ever happen,” you remarked and a few people shushed you, annoyed by your too loud for a library conversation. Heeseung and you mumbled quiet apologies and returned to your books, trying to keep yourselves from laughing.
You called the study session off a little bit an hour later.
“You sure you don’t need a walk home?” he asked for a millionth time today.
“Hee, I’m sure. Besides don’t you have a training today? You better not be late again,” you scolded him and he raised his hands in a surrendering gesture.
“Okay, but text me as soon as you get home.” He pointed at you and squinted a bit.
“I will, bye!” you assured him and waved at him.
Deciding to take advantage of the last warm days, you took a longer route home. You passed by many places you used to go to while you were still a high school student. Cafes you used to study in with Heeseung whenever there were too many people in the library, a park where both of you ate lunches during hot summer days, a basketball court where he taught you how to play and gave you tips on how to make a score. It made you realize that apart from memories with Heeseung you can’t reminisce about other ones, as if you knew him your whole life. You stopped by the cafe you studied in together for the first time, and remembered how awkward you were with each other back then. You smiled at the memory of the very much begging of your friendship. Now that same cafe was filled with couples, taking photos together or of each other and sharing sweet desserts. The sight of love made you question if your future partner is going to like Heeseung. But the thought of anybody not liking him seemed impossible for you.
You continued walking when you saw a familiar figure approaching you. A figure you didn’t expect to meet.
“Hi Y/n! It’s me, Jisung!”
Evening, Tuesday, 18th October 2022
“It’s been a while, I almost didn’t recognize you,” Jisung said in a friendly tone. You also almost didn’t recognize him. He wore the complete opposite attire to his usual pair of jeans and collection of plain T-shirts, now wearing a suit with elegant shoes.
“Yeah, me too,” you spoke and a sheepish smile with a hint of disbelief crept on your face.
“How have you been? I haven’t seen you in like ages!” Jisung kept on smiling and tilting his head to the right, an old habit of his.
“Jisung what do you want?” you asked quickly, scared of his reaction.
Seeing your expression he sighed and spoke: “Y/n, listen. I’m really sorry. For everything I’ve done. I treated you badly, and I regret it with my whole heart.” He placed his hand on the left side of his chest. “What I did was wrong and I want to sincerely apologize to you. I’m so sorry.” His words seemed to be genuine and truthful to you.
“It was a long time ago, it’s okay, Jisung.” You shrugged and smiled softly.
“It’s not really okay, unless you let me redeem myself. let me take you out,” he said nonchalantly.
“Oh?”
“Do you have plans on Saturday? There’s a new restaurant that opened a while ago, what do you think?”
Thinking for a while you slowly nodded. Your movement made a strand of your hair fall from behind your ear and he was quick to fix it, making you blush.
“Great. It’s a date then. I’ll come and pick you up at 7,” he announced and said his goodbye, leaving you dumbfounded.
You felt like your chest gets tighter and your stomach fills with butterflies. You turned around to look at him once more but he was already gone. Just when you thought you finally forgot about him and your feelings for him, that somehow buried themselves in the depth of your heart, all you could think about was him once again. The way he looked at you, the way he smiled at you, the way the slightest touch of his fingers brushing fragile skin on your cheek, it all made you feel like on shaky ground.
Then it hit you. You’re going on a date. Your first ever date. You almost let a squeal leave your lips, but stopped it on time by covering them with the palm of your hand. Excitement rushed through your body and you hurriedly headed home.
When you arrived home and were done letting out all excitement and thrill of your body by jumping all over your place, you took the phone out of your bag. You noticed a few missed calls, all from Heeseung. You remembered how you promised to text him when you arrive home, and now he must’ve finished his practice.
You dialed his number and didn’t have to wait for too long for him to answer.
“Y/n? Is everything okay?” he asked worriedly.
“Yes, oh my god, Hee! Everything is great!” you couldn’t contain your happiness and wanted to share the news with him.
“Woah, woah, what’s that excitement about?” he asked and laughed at your crazy behavior.
“Hee, I’m going on a date!”
For a while your painful silence submerged the call, the only sound was soft breathing on the other side of the line.
“Heeseung? Are you okay?” you asked.
“Yes, yes, uhm, I’m okay,” he choked out.
“Well, then aren’t you gonna congratulate me?”
“Y/n, I’m very happy for you, but do I know this guy? You‘ve never told me about him.” His voice was rather cold in contrary to his words.
“You know him! It’s Jisung, from our high school.”
“What?” Heeseung couldn’t believe his ears. “Choi Jisung? The one who bullied you?”
“You’re at it again? He didn’t bully me Heeseung! He used to be my friend. Besides, why would you know what type of relationship we had?” You were mad. He never had an opportunity to truly get to know him, yet he was talking badly about him. This made your blood boil, because you knew him, and he certainly wasn’t as bad as Heeseung painted him.
You thought you truly knew Jisung. And you did to some point in your lives, now living on the deluded picture of him made by your imagination.
“Y/n, he treated you horribly! You were scared of him, don’t tell me otherwise, 'cause your reaction said otherwise.” His voice was harsh, sounding like he was scolding you.
“He changed! He apologized to me. He knows what he did was wrong!” you exclaimed, now even more mad than before.
“Y/n people like him don’t change. And even if he did, he shouldn’t be forgiven and given any more chances. Especially by you.”
“Let me decide on that. Fuck you, Heeseung,” you said and ended the call. You threw it on your bed and went to the bathroom to take a long shower, in hopes it would help you calm down.
Your words rang in Heeseung’s head for a long time. He froze, the phone still near his ear as if he was hoping you would say you didn’t mean that. But as minutes passed he realized you certainly did mean your words, and that they were meant to hurt him. He sat on the ground and slumped against a wall. Feeling his eyes sting as they brimmed with hot tears, Heeseung quickly wiped them off before completely breaking down. He stood up after a while and reached into a drawer for his car keys, ready for a night drive.
Afternoon, Saturday, 22nd October 2022
You stood in front of your wardrobe wondering how you should dress for your date with Jisung. You tried hard to think of anything that would suit the vibe and atmosphere of a fancy restaurant you’re going to, but your mind was flooded with thoughts of Heeseung. It was the longest you went without contacting each other, but your ego didn’t let you reach out to him. He should be happy for you, for his friend. After you would be happy for him if he told you he was going to have a date. Right?
After what seemed like ages of wondering about your outfit you contacted one of your classmates, Jennifer.
“Jen, do you have a second you could spare me? you asked as soon as your friend picked up the phone.
“Y/nie, my love, for you I always have time. What’s wrong?” she spoke and brought a long-lost smile to your face.
“Sorry I didn’t tell you but I remember how stressed you were with your presentation, but…” you started, feeling guilty for not telling her sooner.
“Oh my god, what is it? You’re scaring me!” she raised her voice dramatically.
“Well, I’m going on a date and I don’t know what to wear. I still have lots of time left but I’m getting a little bit nervous,” you confessed.
“Oh my! Finally, I’m so happy for you, bestie!” You heard her clapping her hands excitedly. “How about me coming over and rummaging through your clothes?”
“That would be great, but Jen you don’t have to!”
On the other side of the line, you heard the jingling sound of her car keys.
“I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages, plus you need to tell me how that happened, so don’t try to stop me now!” she said, and soon after you hung up.
While you were waiting you sat on your bed, thinking of possible scenarios of today’s date. Will it look like it does in movies? Will it end up only on this one date or will there be more?
Suddenly, the silence of your room got disturbed by the sound of a notification. You took your phone and read a reminder: “♡ Heeseung’s match 6pm ♡”. This made you bite your lips, guilty of not keeping your promise. Sure, you were mad at him, but he is still your best friend. “I never missed any of your matches and I’m not planning to change that,” you remembered your words from a few days ago. You placed your elbows on your thighs and hid your face in your hands. Just when you were about to let out your emotions you heard knocking on your front door. You opened them and they revealed a smiling Jennifer.
“Let’s get to the work, shall we?”
Thanks to Jennifer, picking your outfit was filled with laughter and her anecdotes. This helped you deal with the anxiety caused by your upcoming date, but also, more importantly, stop yourself from thinking about Heeseung. Before you knew it, the outfit was ready, along with a bag, some accessories, and shoes. You still had some time before 7 PM, so you sat in your room and chatted for a while, enjoying each other’s presence after days of different schedules.
“Okay, but most importantly, how did he ask you out?” She waited for your answer with anticipation and excitement.
“I mean we met when I was having a walk in the neighborhood and he just asked me.” You shrugged but your cheeks filled with red tint.
“Oh my god!” Jennifer exclaimed, emphasizing the last word. “I thought he will never ask you out, at this rate. But finally, my prayers were listened to!” She raised her hands in the air, while you were, to say the least, confused and dumbfounded.
“What do you mean? Who are you talking about?” you asked.
Your friend’s smile faded and she lowered her hands. “About your friend, that Heeseung guy. Is he not the one that asked you out?”
“No, why would you think that?”
“So it’s not Heeseung you’re going out with?” You shook your head and noticed how disappointment filled her eyes.
“Oh come on, Jen. You’re not happy for me anymore?”
“I am!” she defended herself. “It’s just… Both of you already seemed like a couple or like you at least like each other. You always say he’s like an angel, that you can’t imagine your life without him, so I kinda just assumed you liked him. Plus the way he looks at you speaks for itself better than your constant love confessions.”
Love?
Evening, Saturday 22nd October 2023
The gymnasium hall was filled with loud cheers coming from both bleachers. Players were practicing shots and warming up before the first match of the season. Heeseung was one of them, yet the ace known for excellent aim failed to score almost anything. He kept on looking for you in your usual place where you cheered for him along with your friends. But that one spot was empty, soon to be occupied by some unknown to him student. He tried to push the thoughts of you away, but as much as he tried the more he failed. None of the players or the coach had ever seen this part of him.
The match barely started, yet your university’s team was failing like never. Mainly because something apparently preoccupied the mind of the captain of the team. This made a coach come to a decision of seating him on a bench, for the first time during his player days.
You waited patiently on the couch, ready to go out. The clock showed half past seven, which made you worried, if he will even come. What if he got into an accident? What if something bad happened to him. You anxiously were looking at your phone, waiting for some message from Jisung. You were about to call him when your phone screen lightens up, showing his caller ID. You answered almost immediately.
“Hello?”
“Y/n! I’m so sorry for being late, but I’m already near your place so you can already come out,” he said and you could hear the sound of the engine’s drone.
“No worries, take your time,” you reassured him but noticed that the call already ended.
You locked the door behind you and made your way to the elevator.
You spotted his car from afar and waved at him. Your heart almost sprung out of your chest and felt how your throat tightens at every breath you took. You got in and greeted him shyly.
“Hi, sweetheart,” he said, and before you could realize he left a quick and harsh kiss on your lips, leaving you shocked. Jisung on the other side smiled to himself and started the car.
“I thought we could go somewhere where we could be alone before eating, what do you say?” he asked placing his hand on your inner thigh, making you, to say at least, extremely uncomfortable.
You tried taking his hand off your body, but he only gripped your wrist tightly making you hiss. “Oh, Y/n. Don’t act so innocent.” He stopped at the side of the road. Looking around you couldn’t spot a single living soul around you nor any car passing by. “But I can assure you I’ll fuck you better than him,” he said bluntly and started unbuckling his belt.
Not really knowing what to do you slapped him across his face and hurriedly got out o his car. You ran as fast as you can, with stamina better than usual, due to a high level of adrenaline in your body. You thought of the place you should go to. He knew where you lived so your place wouldn’t work. Jennifer’s apartment on the other hand was far away from where you were. The only place that was near enough was Heeseung’s apartment. Looking at the time you thought he must already be home. You turned around once more to see if he was following you. Not thinking twice you continued running, still shocked not knowing what exactly happened.
The first thing Heeseung did after arriving home from his first-ever lost match was take a cold shower. He let the icy water cascade down his body while still thinking about you. What if he did something bad to you during your date? He knew Jisung was up to no good, yet he let you go out with him. He stepped out of the cabin and hurriedly dressed himself into comfortable clothes.
Where should he search for you? he should’ve at least asked you where you were going and now he had an entire city to rummage. Not bothering to dry his hair he grabbed his keys and opened the door only to see you, completely breathless, on the edge of crying at his sight.
Night, Saturday, 22nd October 2023
You stared at your reflection in a mirror, under the bright light of Heeseung’s bathroom. None of you dared to speak, both allowing you to catch your breath, collect thoughts and speak whenever you’re ready. He just let you in and gave you his T-shirt and pair of shorts you always wore whenever you paid him an unexpected visit and wanted to get changed into something more comfortable.
Heeseung decided to prepare a quick meal for you and took your favorite snacks he stored in his kitchen, just in case. Your state worried him to the point he didn’t know what to do. He knew one thing though. Jisung wanted to hurt you, and either he succeeded or his attempt stayed as an attempt. He waited patiently for you, giving you all the time you needed, and thought of all the possible scenarios and how he could comfort you.
You finally decided to leave the bathroom and took a seat next to him on the couch. For a while, the silence filled the room with hesitation and uncertainty.
“Do you wanna talk or eat first?” he asked, trying to sound as gentle as he could.
“Eat,” you simply whispered, voice cracking on the way.
Heeseung looked up at you. You hugged your knees, eyes mentally checked out. He raised his hand to rub your shoulder but stopped himself midway, instead he just nodded and stood up to hand you your bowl. You quietly thanked him and took a bite of still hot noodles he had prepared. Silence once again submerged the room, the only audible sound was an occasional noodle slurp.
Once you finished and placed a bowl on the table sudden realisation hit you. You were assaulted. Jisung wanted to hurt you and he certainly didn’t change. And that Heeseung was right. Your eyes brimmed with tears.
Your expression told him everything he needed to know. Guilt crept over him and all h could think was if it could be prevented. If only his pride and ego didn’t blind him if only he wouldn’t let his emotions stop him. But now it was too late. You, the person he loved dearly was hurt, making him feel helpless.
Before he could think how can he comfort you, you were already in his arms. You cried your heart out on his shoulder as he just closed you in his warm and secure embrace, wanting to bring home to you, in such a crisis you were in.
“Hee, you were right!” you cried, choking on each word. “I should’ve listened to you, it’s all my fault!”
Heeseung pulled out t your words and cupped your cheeks in his palms. His eyes were full of compassion and regret, accentuated by tears that threatened to fall down his face. “No Y/n. It’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything to deserve this. I am here to listen and help you.”
His words felt like a soft Sunbeams that hit your skin after days of constant rain. You felt like your tensed body slowly relaxes at his touch and words as he spoke. Realizing how lucky you got, to have a friend like him you smiled as tears still blurred your vision. Nonetheless, you still noticed how he also smiled at you, eyes expressing nothing but pure love and will to protect you from everything.
“Plus the way he looks at you speaks for itself better than your constant love confessions,” you recalled Jennifer’s words now replaying all the memories you made with him during those almost 4 years of friendship.
How he never hesitated to help you whenever he saw you struggling.
How he never let you skip meals during exam season, sacrificing his own study time.
How he always managed to make time for you.
How he helped you live to the fullest during your high school days.
How he was the only person to truly know how to calm you down and help you relax.
How he was the only person to know your true self.
How he just stayed by your side, even though you were wrong, and hurt him with your insensitive words.
He truly does love you. How could you not see this?
What bugged you, even more, was how you didn’t realize you loved him too, maybe even more than he loves you. His compassion, passion, and kindness made him an angel you did not deserve.
“Hee, I’m so sorry.” You shook your head from disbelief at your own obliviousness and stupidity. “I’m so sorry for hurting you, for what I said a few days ago. I regret it and never intended to hurt you.”
He didn’t reply. Instead, he just smiled and invited you into his embrace once again. You gladly fell into his arms and melted in the comforting touch that helped you feel at ease. Your oasis. Your home.
Evening, Friday, 28th April 2023
The spectators were going crazy at the fierce match between the two teams. Your university’s players were currently losing by a few points but still were hoping to win regionals. While teams were discussing tactics with their coaches during a short break you were shouting words of encouragement along with other fans.
After the floor got cleaned players once again stepped on the court and started the last quarter. The ball relocated quickly between the hands of opponents when because of a small mistake of one of them it landed in your team’s captain, Heeseung’s hands. Your side of the bleachers screamed out of joy as he scored 3 points.
For a few minutes, none of the teams scored, raising the stress and emotions to the maximum. Now Heeseung’s team needed a final word to win the game and knock current front-runners off their pedestal. The tension in the air suffocated everyone, they were equally close and far from winning, because of the exhaustion of the other team.
The clock showed one minute till the end and a sudden rush of adrenaline overpowered Heeseung’s body. He had to lead his team to victory and he knew he could do it. He waited for the right moment and took the ball away from another player. He rushed to the hoop making an impressive buzzer beater leaving one side of the hall in tears of regret and the other one of joy.
The team surrounded him in a group hug, celebrating the victory and making it to the nationals, for the first time in your university’s history.
Seeing him so happy and smiley because of victory made your heart fill with glee and pride.
You saw how his teammates’ girlfriends rushed to congratulate them. That’s when Heeseung and your eyes met. He made a confused expression and you saw him say, barely audible because of the noise: “What are you waiting for?” and opened his arms.
You laughed and rushed his way to engulf him in a hug, not caring about the layer of sweat that covered his body and clothes. You pulled out, arms still wrapped around his neck, and kissed him, feeling salty drops on your lips. He melted in your touch and lifted your body while spinning around. You giggled against his lips and pulled away saying: “I’m so proud of you, love” making his cheeks and tips of ears turn bright pink. “I love you so much,” you confessed and looked deeply into his beautiful dark eyes.
“I love you more,” he said leaving a sweet kiss on your temple.
thank you for reading! back to the masterlist
#enhypen#enhypen imagine#enhypen fluff#enhypen angst#enhypen fic#enhypen x reader#enhypen x y/n#enhypen x you#heeseung enhypen#heeseung imagines#heeseung fluff#heeseung angst#heeseung fic#heeseung x reader#heeseung x y/n#heeseung x you
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How pitiful
Part two of the other fic I wrote (repost)
Part one
Reader x Raphael
Warning: it’s sfw, but has some dark themes/ content
After a while, the corrosive smell started to bother you. Your hands were dyed completely red now. They were sticky and had feathers stuck to them, the blood of the male dried too. For a moment, it felt like you had a hangover. The things you did in the last few hours and the emotions you felt were slowly fading away, leaving nothing but desire behind. All you remembered was a vivid dream akin experience, one where you got to finally feel alive after falling down this deep abyss. The sudden change in environment seems to have influenced you more than you imagined. How you yearned for the screams and cries of him. It has only been a few minutes, yet that feeling, the rush of adrenaline started to disappear like a childhood memory. You didn’t want to forget it, you wanted to keep it sealed within you forever.
Time was passing by like usual, yet for some reason you didn’t seem responsive, as if you weren’t really there. As if you were floating in space, every nerve in your body turned off and your senses dulled. You couldn’t really acknowledge your surroundings, simply at the wall, contemplating and thinking about whatever you did remember. Everything that happened was being replayed in your head like a show, sadly the graphic setting was low and everything was a blur. Except for those crimson eyes of him.
The different expressions his eyes bore were mesmerising, enough to leave its imprint on you. How the once fierce look he owned turned into one of uncertainties, of doubt and fear. Your room looked like the aftermath of a battle. Luckily for you it was at a hotel, so you wouldn’t need to clean it. This wasn’t earth, it wouldn’t matter if the owner sees all of this, the evident of your action, the proof of your true desires. You felt empty again, like the fulfilment you felt before was ran out. The hand on the back of his head moved to his cheeks, moving his face backwards. He has been resting his chin in the crook of your neck the entire time without making a single sound, slowly it got suspicious.
Raphael was breathing very weakly and shallow, apparently he also got a nosebleed. “Hey, wake up.” You muttered, rubbing his cheeks gently. His pale face had blood stains, but his eyes were still closed. Right now he looked very vulnerable, so helpless as if he was someone that needed protection. At the same time he also appeared like an innocent child in your eyes, one that’s been depraved of love. How pitiful he is, being cast aside by his creator and now stuck in the claws of a monster. Since you wore him out a lot, you let him sleep. It didn’t matter if you knew nothing about the anatomy of an angel, if one is exhausted they need to take a break. You laid him down onto the humid mattress before you got up to go to the bathroom.
Now that you cleaned yourself up and got a towel, you started to clean the still asleep male too, wiping the excessive body fluids of him away. It was a little disturbing considering you were the cause of all of this, but you could manage. When you saw the two holes on his belly, where his piercings have been, you gaged a little. The scene turned out to be a bit more grotesque than you remembered. Speaking of memories, it was strange how you couldn’t recall what happened very clearly. After all, it was just happened, as if you weren’t thinking clearly when you did all that. You didn’t regret it though, because if there’s one thing you remembered, then it’s that you loved every second of it. Every action to the words you spoke, you knew you enjoyed yourself a lot. Enough to make you want to go for a second round.
Eventually you finished wiping him, sitting down next to Raphael again. Still so quiet, this wasn’t normal. Your first thought was that he fell asleep, though upon further inspection his face was starting to get pale. Soon you realised that he passed out and sighed, “…not good.” It looked like he lost his consciousness, probably due to the excessive amount of blood he lost. One glance was all you needed to know your hypothesis was right. In the end, you did rip his wings off, not to mention how the bed was now akin to the red carpet. A stressed out groan left you, why were thing always so difficult. Aftercare is great and all, but what should you do if he needs immediate treatment? It’s not like you can carry him all the way to paradise lost. Will today be the day you kill someone for the first time?
Suddenly the door to your hotel room crashed down, and a group of devils barged in. These devils, they really know no manners. Though you were also glad to some degree, because you saw Satan, sitri, and Marbas. “Y/n!” The devil with the white hair ran towards you, but he stopped after taking three steps. Sitri, who was pushing Marbas, followed his king and stopped right next to him. “Solomon, what happened?” That devil asked, his voice was filled with confusion. They must be shocked to see the state the room is in, not to mention Raphael. “I’ll tell you later. Marbas, can you help this guy here? He’s lost a lot of blood.” You looked calm, terrifyingly so, no panic could be spotted in your voice nor did you have a fast heartbeat. “I’ll see what I can do.” Marbas answered after a bit and got out of his binds. When he got close enough to recognise who that was, he hesitated. He still started treating him afterwards, despite the identity of the patient.
“Satan, why are you here?” In all honesty, you didn’t care, and you had a vague idea how they knew your location, but you didn’t want to answer their questions. You weren’t in the mood to right now. “When you disappeared so suddenly, everyone got worried. Then sitri found you.” Nothing you couldn’t guess yourself. “And? Why’s Marbas here?” This time, the devil with the blue hair spoke up, “I heard two heartbeats, and I recognised that the other one was an angel. That’s why.” So they thought you got beaten up or injured, huh, if that’s the case they are pretty late for a rescue operation. “What about you tell us your side of the story now?” It seems like you won’t be able to get out of this one. You noticed that he gritted his teeth again, one look was enough to tell he wasn’t happy. “Well, you see…” “y/n, your majesty Satan and sitri. I’m done, I stopped the bleeding and treated his injuries. Though this won’t be enough, we’ll need to bring him to paradise lost.” In the nick of time Marbas reported his observations and actions, in contrary to what you predicted, you were able to dodge the questions again.
“Why do we need to go all the way there, won’t the hospital in Gehenna suffice?” Satan scoffed, he was getting more furious by the second. First your disappearance, now all the hassle for an enemy. “Because… I believe only his majesty lucifer and gamigin knows how to properly treat him.” Just as Satan was about to inquire about the former seraphim’s injuries, you barged in, “All right, we don’t have much time, no? Shouldn’t we be on the way?” Everything was taking too long, so you interrupted their little small talk and rushed them. In addition, you also walked over to the bed, picking up the white jacket that belonged to his outfit and wrapped him in it. Sitri seems to have finally caught on and helped you carrying him. This was going to be a long night. It was so much hassle just to keep someone alive, maybe you should let him die instead? Was it because of your hardened personality that you weren’t sorry for him, that you didn’t feel any remorse?
It’s been three weeks since Raphael got taken in at the hospital of paradise lost. Your life hasn’t changed much, in fact it reversed back to how it was before your second meeting with him. Today, while you were visiting him, the sleeping beauty finally opened his eyes. It did caught you off guard, so you started to call for the doctor. “You’re [—]. Ah, lucifer, where’s [——]?” His view was blurry, it was like watching black paint spread on a clean paper. Furthermore his head was hurting a lot, as if he had been on a carousel for too long. It was to the point he couldn’t even register your voice properly. “…where…?” The man uttered, it was more like a groan of pain than words. He tried to cover his eyes with his hand due to how bright it was, that’s when he noticed an IV stuck to his arm. “You [—] hospital, if you [——] noticed.” It was still difficult to understand you, but it got better the more he tried. “…is that you, y/n?” Raphael asked and his hand reached out to you, his body acted before he could think about it. You held his hand and intertwined your fingers, then you squeezed his hand. “Yes.” He flinched at that, a little surprised at this sudden gentleness coming from you. This wasn’t how you were like last time, but he didn’t hate it.
A few minutes later lucifer also came into the room, the patient froze upon seeing his former colleague, he also hold your hand more firmly. You didn’t need two brain cells to know they had something to say to each other, so you got up to leave the room. When you stopped holding his hand, he tensed up again, in the end he eventually let go. Were you overthinking it or was he acting differently than before? Nonetheless, you went out to get some food for him. With a bit of discussing and arguing, you got Satan to give you permission to keep him. He did almost die because of you, with that being said you also thought he’d be more wary of you. In the end, you were proven wrong. For the time being you were going to be nice to him, so that he will want to stay, it’d be no good if he runs away. It’s been three weeks now, three weeks of pure boredom. After all that torturous wait, you finally felt an ounce of excitement.
When you got back to his resting place with a bag of to go food, you met lucifer who was just coming out of the room. They must have had a very long talk, was what you thought. You weren’t really curious about what they talked about though, which is why you asked him instead, “can he get out today? He looks healthy enough.” To your surprise the male disagreed, explaining, “he lost his wings, he’ll need physiotherapy.” The confusion was written all over your face like the front cover of a magazine, you said with an irritated tone, “you mean he can’t walk?” “Not good at best.” You should trust the words of a doctor, especially him who has more experience than you, yet you still couldn’t wrap your head around it. “But, it’s his wings he lost. He always walked without showing them.” Lucifer was kingly enough to explain it to you, how much patience he must have, “not showing them and not having them are two different things. He’s been used to having wings it for as long as he lived, this sudden change will cause his body to lose balance, because…” he has too much patience for sure, normally you though he was a quiet guy, though it looks like he can talk a lot if it’s his field. Great, now you had to listen to him lecture you about angel anatomy.
A while later buer called for lucifer, he had something to take care of and left you alone. You on the other hand was standing in front of the patient room now, still holding the now cold bag. So he has to stay here for a month, and then continuously visit it to get better. Is this was you want? Slowly your thoughts were getting too complicated, which is why you stepped inside. “You are back.” You saw raphael turn his head towards you. How pitiful he looked, all bedridden like this. “Yea, are you hungry?” That was a very unnecessary question, really, you didn’t know why you just wasted your breath with that one. Nevertheless you got closer and sat down on the chair next to him, then opened the bag and let him look inside. Maybe you should have used the microwave first, if there was one that is. “It’s all for you.” You added, in case he misunderstands anything. His hand reached out to your direction, though instead of the food he grabbed your hand. “…” “…?” This was bizarre to say the least, he didn’t make any sense. Both of you stayed silent, a few minutes felt like days. Why did he do that? You wondered, but before you could ask he let go of your hand again and reached inside the bag. “Thanks.” The male whispered, then bit into his food.
It was awkward, none of you dared to say something about the new promises between you two. The situation already escalated to the point where you couldn’t go back, guess you had to keep your word then. At some point, after he finished his meal, he just stared at his hands clenching the blankets. It looked like he was deep in thoughts, maybe even regretting ever meeting you. Was what happened only a mistake done in the heat of the moment? Were you going to tell him, ‘sorry, I didn’t mean to’ and then leave? After taking everything from him? That’s what he was contemplating. He can’t return to heaven without his wings, not that he exactly wants to go back, but if hell doesn’t have a place for him where can he go to? Your expression was neutral, too calm even, he couldn’t read you.
It was frustrating, you didn’t get any backlash from it, yet his life had turned upside down. Out of nowhere he reached out to you again and grabbed you by your collar, “You have to take responsibility, you can’t leave me now.” The male threatened you, getting really close to your face. Despite his deep voice, you saw the fear in his eyes, like a stormy night filled with thunder. He moved up too fast, as well as using too much strength, causing him to lose balance and fall over, crashing into your arms with his upper body. This wasn’t anything too dangerous, since you managed to catch him and prevent the fall of you two. It still hurt a little, because his fingers were gripping your shoulders really tight.
“Be careful now.” You said, pulling him in to hug him tightly, watching him tremble a little. This is weird, it wasn’t a natural reaction, so you questioned, “What’s wrong?” “I can’t…” “What?” He was acting strange, this was starting to make you feel uneasy too. Suddenly you hugged you back, holding onto you while saying, “You can’t leave me, don’t leave, never again. You made me like this, you have to take responsibility. Please, please, don’t abandon me too.” His eyes were unfocused, hieratic and wild, he panted while uttering those words like a prayer. The aspect that confused you the most was his expression, an unsettling, forced smile as he clung to you, repeating those phrases like a madman, “don’t leave, I can’t afford it now, don’t leave me.”
You stroked his hair and tried to reassure him, his voice was shaking the entire time. Has he finally gone crazy now? “as long as you behave good, I won’t leave. I’d never leave. I’m right here, Raphael, I’m right here.” It doesn’t matter if he is delusional or not, it’s easier this way. What a twisted path fate has planned out for him, it seems like no matter which turn he takes, he’ll always end up miserable. Even so he just adores when you hold him, when you make his life worth living by planting the seed of love within him. Just a few words that doesn’t even need to be true are enough to wrap him around your finger. You were no good for him, this much was clear from the beginning. Like the deadliest drug, giving him the illusion of temporal happiness, all while slowly rotting him from the inside. He can’t get out of this, he doesn’t want to get out, as long as you are alive he’ll keep using this drug, begging you for more. You can’t leave now, and he’ll make sure it stays like this forever.
Soon your visiting time was over, it was the break of dawn and you had to go home. You wanted to leave and already got up from your seat, he then asked, “where are you going?” “I’m going home, you have to stay here for a while.” Something was amiss again, the atmosphere got heavier. His eyes widened and you saw him getting uncomfortable, the change was so drastically like a light switch. “Take me with you,” Raphael demanded. “What?” This surprised you now. “I want to go with you.” He repeated his words once again, after hearing it for the second time you were still bewildered.
You’d like to say you saw determination in his eyes, but you only saw suspicion and anxiety. “If you want to, but lucifer said…” You abruptly stopped mid sentence, before adding, “you know what, let’s just leave together.” Then you gave him a hand. He tried to stand up, one step after another and hold your hand firmly. Out of nowhere he fell forwards, crashing into you again. Just like last time you managed to grab him and prevent the fall. “Ugh.” The boy yelped a little, and with your help, he managed to get back on his feet. Why was his balance so off, you thought, before you remembered the words of lucifer. To think losing his wing would have such an impact on him, you didn’t imagine it’d be this bad.
But standing alone wasn’t enough. You took a few steps back, and waited for him to follow you. When he did, he instantly fell over again. This time you weren’t there to catch him, and he crashed onto the floor. “Ah..” it wasn’t really painful, considering what he went through, but it scared him. He couldn’t walk like before anymore and flying was definitely out of the question. Even if he knew it will get better, this shock still had a physiological effect on him. Was this truly his fate, the path his lord has chosen for him? Will he find the affection he never got once he reached the end of this? He stared back to his legs, cursing his pathetic state under his breath, why was everything so hard?
You on the other hand was mesmerised, those vulnerable and desperate actions of his were making forgotten emotions float up to the surface again. These were the feelings you missed for three weeks, life’s been so boring without him like the main component was missing. The way he looked so crude was making your heart pound. You wanted him, so bad it hurt. When he looked up to you, he met your gaze, the face you made was indescribable. Was it joy, want, or anger? It made him anxious. An unfamiliar place without anyone he can trust. He killed may devils, who knows when one of them would attack him? His helplessness was causing him to depend on you more and more. “Get up, here.” Once again you reached your hand out to him, and pulled him up. With you here to help him keep balance, he was able to move more precisely.
The two of you didn’t do anything dramatic, simply walking out of the hospital hand in hand. Even if you walked pass other devils, they didn’t dare to say anything. You were the descendant of Solomon, and he was the infamous red angel. Was. Sometimes he would trip a little and lean forward, but you always managed to keep him on his feet. It felt like escorting someone who was drunk. Soon you two got out of the hospital and you called for a taxi, then you opened the door and pushed him inside. Raphael held your hand the entire time, unwilling to let go even for a moment. And with that, you two were making your way back to Gehenna.
Now you’ve done it, you really broke out of the hospital. It was way less dramatic than you thought, even so it left a bad taste in your mouth. You could still turn back and act like all of this never happened, should you? Then you looked over to the man sitting next to you in the car, he was looking out of the window, observing hell. “How do you feel, Raphael? You only woke up today after all.” He flinched at your words, then turned around. “I’m fine, I don’t need to go back.” Silence, a pretty awkward one at that. You still haven’t figured out how you should treat him, just the thought that he didn’t feel any resentment towards you was weird. On one hand you wanted to talk about it, on the other hand you didn’t know if it was the right time to do so. Suddenly Raphael spoke up again, “can I hold your hand?” He’s been like that all day, wanting to do such an innocent act with you, as if you didn’t turn his life upside down. It wouldn’t hurt to agree, so you held your hand out. The male was still looking out the window, in addition to that he was also holding your hand now. The rest of the ride went by like this, quietly and peacefully.
Once you two arrived in Gehenna, you helped him get out of the car. He stumbled a little but he was able to walk, though sometimes he would lose his footing and stray off. With heavy steps you two managed to get to your room. The devils who saw you two didn’t stop you, in such instances it was better to stay curious than knowing somehting they shouldn’t. You two had to go up the stairs to reach your destination, that was fun. Really fun. After he arrived in your room, you immediately made him sit down on your bed. He panted a little, already tired, probably because he didn’t move for the past few weeks. Satan did allow him to stay here, but you weren’t sure if he had an own room yet, so you suggested, “You can stay here for the time being, until I get you a separate room.” “…can it be the one next to yours then?” He asked, it was more like a condition though. “I’ll see what I can do.” “Then i don’t mind staying here.” That wasn’t something he gets to decide. You didn’t know what to think about sharing your privacy like this, since you didn’t have an answer yet, you changed the topic.
“Raphael, how do you feel?” “I answered you already, I’m fine,” he sounded mildly annoyed. “Yea, alright. Then what you are thinking?” “What I am thinking? Let’s see.” Raphael stretched himself on your bed, while you stood in front of him. “I can still remember the pain very well. Don get me wrong, I’m not trying to make you feel guilty. I don’t need it.” The male started explaining, his expression was serious and nonchalant. Then he trailed off, “huh, my chest feels tight whenever you aren’t here, if I can’t make sure you are with me my air gets snapped off. Like someone is ripping my heart out of my chest by force.” You weren’t sure what to do with these information, based on what you understood it seems like he has a few screws loose. “And?” “And it aches, it hurts. I can’t stand the idea of being separated from you.” He fumbled with his sleeves, but he wasn’t uncomfortable with sharing his thoughts.
Suddenly, out of nowhere he raised his voice, those red eyes of his showed an insatiable hunger in them, a need that can’t be satisfied. He grabbed your leg and pleaded, “don’t hurt me, you can hurt my body but don’t hurt me. Don’t leave me on my own, okay?” It’d be an understatement to say you were caught off guard by his sudden touch. Instead of replying him, you tried to take a few steps backwards, but he held onto you tightly. “Please.” His voice echoed through the room, it kind of freaked you out. In the end you got closer to him, now only inches away from the boy. This seems to satisfy him to some amount and he continued, “my neck, hah…it feels like a hand is choking me. It’s snapping my air off. Choke me please, take this feeling away.” “What are you talking about?” You couldn’t keep your bewilderedness hidden anymore, trying hard to understand the current situation.
“You are the only thing I have left. It’s only fair if I’m the only one in yours too. I’ll be good, I’ll be obedient, please tell me you need me like how I need you.” His hands grabbed your hips, fingers digging into your waist. “Ugh! Wait a second…” “I gave you what you wanted, because of you I ended up like this, don’t you see how good I’ve been to you?” This was getting uncomfortable, you weren’t exacltly scared for your life, rather you were concerned about the situation. Was this the consequences of your actions? “Raphael, calm the fuck down!” You grabbed his arms, trying to yank them away. It was starting to hurt, his nails were scratching you. Even admits all of this you noticed the flickering of his eyes, how his hands trembled and how he was shaking.
“Don’t you love me? Don’t you adore me? Isn’t that why you did all of this? Please tell me it’s true, don’t tell me otherwise. I don’t care if you have to lie. I didn’t do all of that for you to abandon me. Aren’t I the only one who would go this far for you? Tell me, tell me…! Please. I can’t, I can’t breathe. Y/n. Tell me you love me, please, give me everything you have. This agonising pain is too much to bear. Numb those feelings down until i am a shell of what I used to be. You can take anything from me, even if it’s my eyes. It hurts, it pains, help me, please, I’m begging. I think I’m going mad, y/n, have I made the wrong choice? All of this ache is driving me insane, you are my only escape now. Take it all away, make it go away. Is there no end to my suffering?”
His emotions just exploded, everything was all over the place. He also started crying at the same time as well as shaking you back and forth. Anger, doubt and fear filled him up to the rim. There was only so much he could take, and today was his snapping point. Your hand moved first, slapping him across the face, soon it turned red. His little breakdown was going too far and you weren’t nice enough to deal with it. “Fuck I told you to calm down, what are you doing, spouting one nonsense after another?” It’s rare for you to get this angry. You’ve learned to have a lot of patience after coming to hell but this man was pushing you out of your comfort zone. “I’m not good enough. I’m sorry, I won’t do it again. I can do better.” For some reason you highly doubted it, I mean just listen to what bullshit he was spouting. “Keep your hand on me, hurt me all you want. I’ll keep you entertained, I can be perfection for you.” The stare he gave you was serious, his tears rolled down his cheek with no purpose. Once again he started yapping about some hallucinations and fantasies he had in his brain.
He felt awful. There was no other way to describe it. Everything hurt, there wasn’t anything worth living for but you. If you left now who knows what he’ll do. Being casted aside all this time made him more insecure than he expected. Like a small bunny that got separated from its mother, walking into the wolfs den without a single clue. All that’s left for him was to clench onto any trace of love he could get. With god gone now, he truly had nothing left to lose, he needed nothing but your affection. This wasn’t about you, this wasn’t about him neither. It was about his obsession with finally feeling loved by his creator. For once he wants to be important to someone, to be useful and seen.
This need of his has been building up for centuries, and now he finally gave in to it. God was it pathetic. The title angel should have never been given to the likes of him, he truly was the one mistake of god. Despite all that you couldn’t deny it, the way he panicked was a little cute. It made your stomach feel butterflies, or was it something? The knowledge that all of this was your work made you feel proud. What a wise decision it was to leave with him today, when he’s still the most unstable. Getting thrown into an unfamiliar environment, meeting all kinds of people that can kill you. Maybe you two were pretty similar after all.
You were planning on being nice to him, you really were, but not anymore after all this drama he caused. “Raphael what are you talking about? You don’t get to decide who I’m seeing!” The words that felt from your lips were like blades stabbing his chest, the filter you had was turned off now. “Be grateful, that someone like me is taking care of something so filthy like you! You know it yourself, you are miserable and vulgar, it’s so selfish of you to want to keep me to yourself.” If he was going to let himself run wild like that, he also had to expect some consequences. The face he pulled was priceless, truly youthful greatest joy now. Tears dropped down his cheeks, you were enjoying yourself again, just like three weeks ago. Yes, this was the feeling you desperately missed.
“Such a pathetic being like you is destined to end up like this. Giving yourself up for me, isn’t it only natural? God favours me and not you.” That was a statement you highly doubted, since you weren’t exactly happy about being down here. Nonetheless, you said it just to make your little dove more miserable. Then you cupped his red and warm face, it was completely drenched in his tears now. His eyes looked tired, he seems to be so done with everything, so you cooed at him, “how pitiful you look…If I own you, you will finally find a purpose in that worthless life of yours again. If you give me your everything, naturally I’ll give you something worthy of it too. You can have an ounce of my affection, isn’t it great? Such a high reward for something like you!”
This was inexplainable, whenever it came to him you were like a different person. Ruining him, breaking him, hurting him, all of this became your favourite hobby. You aren’t a sadist, you are only like this with him! You are a good person, you are saving everyone in hell! It seems even you has lost your mind now. How are you going to return to earth with this mindset? The two of you were a match made from the depths of hell, a place not even god dared to enter. A truly beautiful and twisted bridge full of thorns. Instead of fighting together you made him clear the way for you, only to push him into the deadly river afterwards. Why you’d go this far? Honestly you didn’t have a good reason, it was all done for the sake of your enjoyment. “You aren’t enough Raphael, you are never enough.” A soft smile appeared on your face as you chuckled. This was fulfilling, but that blackhole inside you ached for more. “I’m so sorry Raphael, that you were born, and that you have to keep living. I’m begging you, please be lonely forever. Do it for me?”
Raphael was sobbing quietly, yet his features didn’t tell he was sad, instead relief was written all over his face. He didn’t know why, but you were dazzling right now. When you touched him it felt like the hand of god, you were his replacement for his lord. “I know it hurts, it will only get worse from here on, but soon you’ll be craving the pain.” You whispered, wiping his tears away with tender movements. “Please endure all of this and live miserable with me for a long time.” Stay with you, forever, that was all he heard. He filtered the words out he didn’t want to hear, then he gave you a meek smile. How adorable, so damn cute you won’t ever let go of him. You caressed his cheeks from above, smiling back at him. No one could understand the relationship of you two, it was something truly unique and wonderful. Who would have thought that the bunny and the wolf ended up together?
“y/n, do you love me?” Raphael asked, it looks like he finally calmed down. How strange that such words were able to help him. Or it broke him more, who knows. You had to think about what to say, the feelings you experienced when you were with him, the ache you felt and how you wanted to do so many things to him. After a few moments, you eventually came to the conclusion this must be love. Love makes one crazy, if this isn’t love, then what is it? It would mean it was something much more sinister, and that didn’t have a nice sound to it. Maybe it was just a mutual reliance, each one takes something from the other they desperately need while hurting all the involved parties as they do. Even if that was the truth, you couldn’t care less. All you wanted to do was to hold him while he repeats the words, ‘I’m yours’. You kissed his forehead, then answered with a ‘yes’. He pulled you towards him and both of you fell onto the bed, it bounced a little due to your weights. Then, Raphael hugged you tightly as he whispered, “I’m glad. I love you too.”
#whb#what in hell is bad#rara whb#what in hell is bad rara#whb rara#whb raphael#what in hell is bad raphael#whb fanfic
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╭﹕🎮 ｡♡・stay with me
୨୧⸝⸝﹕synopsis — luka as your modern day boyfriend
୨୧⸝⸝﹕warnings — maybe ooc luka since this is before his release // and this will be in college au!
୨୧⸝⸝﹕notes — He's growing on me kay... Theres like no content of him so please bare with me, anyways this is queued ++ the new colour theme is gonna be a sneak peak to my new theme when im feeling better
boyfriend! luka who, for some strange reason, loves to poke, squish or even stretch your cheeks to make you either smile or laugh.
boyfriend! luka who thinks your laugh is the best, it makes his heart skip a beat and he feels he may have fallen for you all over again.
boyfriend! luka who often daydreams about you while writing down his notes yet his teacher caught him drawing some hearts instead.
boyfriend! luka who loves it whenever you feed him food, and makes some random excuse that his arm hurts from p.e or writing down notes so you can just feed him his food.
boyfriend! luka who lays on your shoulder or lap whenever he gets the chance, it's basically his personal pillow but he enjoys it even more when you lie on his chest or lap as he plays with your hair.
boyfriend! luka who just can't stop the urge to just pounce on you to give a loveable (yet tight) hug sometimes forgetting that his arms might suffocate you.
boyfriend! luka who loves interlocking hands with you as he shows off to his friend group, with Seele just shaking her head at Luka's behaviour.
boyfriend! luka who was surprised that you got along with Hook so well and even wondered if both of you would have a kids soon. (He was blushing as he thought that and slightly giggling, Natasha were staring at him weirdly.)
boyfriend! luka who often wonders have you been the one he has been waiting for? Yet, those thoughts immediately disappeared as you interlocked hands heading to your next date spot.
© astrinityy — do not plagiarize, copy, repost, nor translate any of my works!!
#★ — writing#honkai star rail x reader#honkai star rail fanfics#honkai star rail#hsr x you#hsr x reader#hsr x gender neutral reader#hsr x y/n#luka x reader#hsr luka#hsr luka x reader#luka hsr#luka hsr x reader#honkai star rail luka x reader#honkai x reader#honkai x you#honkai fanfic#honkai
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Review: X-Men ‘97: Complete Season One
Twenty-seven years after X-Men: The Animated Series concluded its five season journey, Marvel’s merry mutants have returned to television screens via new animated offering, X-Men ‘97. The show – a direct continuation of the ’90s hit – picks up in 1997, with the eponymous heroes facing new hardships. As the show begins, Professor Charles Xavier has been declared legally […]
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summary: harry is oblivious
reposting because i may have accidentally deleted the original!
part one
"Please? I think you'll really like it if you give it a chance."
Harry shuffled uncomfortably as he stood by his car. He and Y/n were just leaving the pub they normally met at. They had a couple drinks together and talked, a typical date for the pair. They usually went their separate ways afterward, but this time Y/n had asked if he would come back to her place to watch a movie. Her favorite movie apparently.
"I don't know. Romance movies aren't really my thing," he said. The idea of sitting down and watching some sappy romance film for two hours was not at all his idea of a good time. He felt like by telling her no, he was sparing her his negative feelings and commentary about the film while they watched it.
"But it's more than a romance movie. Pride and Prejudice is a masterpiece. The acting and the story are out of this world, and the music is amazing. It—It's my favorite movie."
Harry felt really awkward. He liked spending time with Y/n, but he also really didn't want to see this movie.
Y/n could see on his face that he wasn't at all interested in watching her favorite movie with her. It hurt, seeing as she felt she was constantly going out of her comfort zone to do things he wanted to do—going to loud bars that played even louder music that wasn't exactly her favorite, seeing bands at dark clubs that had lots of smoke in them and sticky bar tops, hanging out with his friends at a different dive bar—but she wasn't going to force him to do something he didn't want to.
"You know what? I'm actually pretty tired. I don't know if I would stay up through a whole film anyway," she said, faking a yawn.
Harry, totally buying the lie, nodded. "Me too. I'll talk to you later?"
He kissed her goodbye, and they both went their separate ways. On the drive back, Y/n thought about the last month. It was good. The more she and Harry spent time together, the more she liked him. And she saw him regularly since he wasn't touring at the moment. They met at bars and pubs, or the park with his goddaughter, Lucy. And it was great, but as she got ready to meet Harry tonight, she thought about how she was always going out of her way to do what Harry wanted. Sure it was just going to the same pub a couple nights a week, but she wanted more. That wasn’t a bad thing, was it? She thought that by inviting him over to watch one of her favorite movies, they could spend their time a little differently, and maybe she could share a piece of herself with Harry.
And maybe even get him to stay the night.
Because of Lucy, Harry couldn't really spend the night. And since Y/n didn't like leaving her animals unattended, nor did she want to make things uncomfortable for Harry's goddaughter, she hadn't spent the night at his place, either. But this time Y/n knew for a fact that Lucy was at a sleepover. So she took more time to get ready for her date with Harry tonight in the hopes that he'd taken her up on her offer.
But he didn't, and now Y/n wasn't really sure how to feel. Perhaps she could've suggested a different movie, but now she just wanted to go home and overthink.
Harry didn't have to have the same taste in movies as her, she knew that, but she just wished he had said yes.
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A week later, Harry was texting Y/n while he was waiting to pick Lucy up from school.
Usually, every time a text came from her, butterflies erupted in his stomach. But for some reason, Y/n was taking longer to respond than usual. The text bubbles kept coming up, then disappearing, coming up, then disappearing. All he'd asked her was if she wanted to see one of his friends play at the pub downtown. Normally she immediately said yes, but now she was taking ages to respond. Harry had never been the type to fret over whether or not a girl would text him back, but the longer Y/n took to respond, the more his palms began to sweat.
Y/n: I'm not feeling well. Raincheck?
That made him nervous. Y/n hardly said no. If she was sick, she was sick, but this was the second time she'd said no to going on a date. Harry knew it had only been a month, but he really, really liked her. She was so kind, and so beautiful, and had such a gentle soul. He'd never felt so drawn to someone before, which was odd considering how different they were on paper. But she made him smile like no one else, and he wanted to make it work. And now she'd rejected him twice in the span of a week.
In a desperate move he didn't really think through, he pulled up Y/n's contact and called her. It took a couple of rings, but she eventually picked up.
"Harry. Hey."
Even hearing her voice brought a smile to his face. "Hi. Is everything okay?"
"Uh...Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay. I think I'm just coming down with something," she said.
Harry frowned. Y/n didn't sound sick, she sounded nervous. "Are you sure that's it? If I'm coming on too strong, and you want to slow down, you can tell me."
It was hard to admit, but maybe he was coming on too strong. He and Y/n hadn't been together all that long. Maybe by asking to hang out so much, she was starting to get sick of him. He hoped that wasn't the case.
"No, that's not it. That's not it at all," she said, but didn't elaborate.
"Well then what is it?"
"I—I know that you like me, and I don't doubt that you like me, but...I just feel like we only do things you want to do...If that makes sense."
The butterflies in his stomach died when she said that. That wasn't true, was it? "I—I don't—Is this about me not coming over to watch that movie with you the other day?"
"Kind of? I just feel like we're always going to the pub or out to a bar for drinks, or watching rock bands play in loud clubs, and I'm cool with that because I like spending time with you, but that's not really my thing. Like at all. I was trying to share something I enjoy with you by inviting you over, and you kind of just shut me down immediately," Y/n said. She sounded hesitant, like she didn't want to hurt his feelings.
"I—" Was this really how she felt? "I just thought I was doing you a favor. I don't like those kinds of movies, so I didn't want to ruin it for you. I—I thought I was being nice."
"Okay, well let me do you a favor. I don't like loud, dingy bars, so I'm staying home tonight."
How the hell did they end up here? Harry just wanted to spend time with Y/n, and now she was angry with him. Why did him not wanting to watch a movie matter so much?
"Y/n, I don't—"
"I get it, Harry. We can only hang out if it's something you want to do," she said. "I'll talk to you later."
And then she hung up.
Harry was more confused than upset. He thought things were good, but clearly he was wrong.
"Hey, Wiggles!"
The back door to his car opened, and Lucy slid inside, strapping herself into her seat. It took Harry a second to recover from the phone call and respond to Lucy, but that was all it took for her to notice something was wrong.
"What's up with you?"
“Don’t worry about it,” he said, putting the car in drive and pulling away from the school parking lot.
“It’s Y/n isn’t it?” Lucy replied. “Did she break up with you?”
“No! Just drop it, Lucy,” Harry said, a tad bit too harshly.
Lucy did finally stop talking, crossing her arms and looking out the window angrily. Harry immediately felt bad, but he was too pissed off and upset by his phone call with Y/n to apologize.
The drive to Harry’s house was awkward and quiet, a rare occurrence for the two of them. Lucy usually told Harry all about her classmates and everything they did to annoy her at school that day.
When they finally made it, Harry opened the door for Lucy. She stormed past him without a word, opening the front door to his house and slamming it. Sighing, Harry grabbed his goddaughter's backpack and followed her inside. It seemed he had some making up to do with both of his favorite girls.
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“Lucy. I’m sorry. Please let me in,” Harry said from the other side of the door.
Lucy had her own room in his house, as she often stayed with him. He spoiled her rotten, her bedroom every kid her age’s dream. Well, kind of. Lucy was a neat freak and had a decaf coffee addiction, so her room was spotless and had minimal toys, but it was what she wanted, so Harry of course gave it to her. He was currently on the outside of it, though, waiting for his goddaughter to let him in.
“Go away.”
Leaning his head against the door, Harry took a deep breath before saying, “You were right. My mood was because of Y/n.”
Harry knew that admitting Lucy was right was a sure way to get her to open the door. And it worked, the door clicking open a couple seconds later. Her eyes were red, and Harry’s heart melted at the sight. He hated making Lucy upset.
Sniffling, she asked, “What did you do?”
“Now, why do you assume it was something I did?” he asked with a grin.
Lucy rolled her eyes, recovering quickly. “Because you're a man. Duh.”
“Well, why don't I explain, and you can tell me what I did wrong," he suggested, hoisting her up onto his hip. She was a little old for that, but she enjoyed being carried from place to place every now and again.
Harry set her down in the kitchen so he could start on dinner. Lucy “managed” as she always did, watching as he moved about the kitchen. While he cooked, he loosely explained his phone call with Y/n. Perhaps it was a little odd to be confiding in a ten year old, but Lucy liked being included and Harry didn't really mind sharing.
“I’d be mad at you too,” Lucy finally said.
“I don’t get why, though,” Harry said. “I thought things were fine.”
“Have you ever taken Y/n out on an actual date?”
That stopped Harry in his tracks. “What do you mean? Of course we've been on dates.”
Lucy's face was completely unconvinced. “I think your idea of a date and the rest of the female population’s idea of a date might be very different. Maybe she feels like just another one of your friends.”
Squinting down at his goddaughter, Harry said, “What do you know about dating, hm? Do I need to scare off any boys? Girls?”
Harry teased and played with Lucy the rest of the night. When she went to bed, though, he had much to think about.
Was he not a good boyfriend? Harry thought he and Y/n were getting along really well, but maybe Lucy had a point. Maybe meeting and talking at pubs wasn't enough. What did Y/n call them? Dingy? How did he not realize that she wouldn't like something like that? He'd never been the dating type, so he didn't really know what to do when it came to this kind of thing. He thought just spending time together would be sufficient, but apparently not.
Y/n gardened and sold flowers for a living. She had a pet cow and taught Lucy how to make flower crowns and crochet little hats and bandanas. She wore pastels and pink and champagne-colored shimmer on her eyes. How did he ever think that she would enjoy a dark bar that only served three kinds of beer or a concert with a mosh pit? Harry liked them just fine, but that made him even more aware of the fact that he was so different than Y/n.
Curiously, Harry turned on his TV as he got into bed. He searched for the movie Y/n had wanted to watch with him, hoping to understand her better.
Harry was sure he would fall asleep as the opening song began to play, but he didn't. He stayed up for the whole thing, watching aptly as the story played out.
Much to his surprise, Harry actually liked the movie. He didn't think that historical romance movies would be something he would enjoy, but there was something about it. The longing, the earnestness, and yes, he had to admit that the love story that played throughout was good too, and he could see someone like Y/n loving everything about this movie.
But it also had him thinking. Was that what Y/n wanted? A Mr. Darcy type? Most of Harry’s upper body was covered in tattoos, his hair was long and unruly, he once had an eyebrow piercing. He was in no way anything like the main character. He was clearly in no way a romantic. What did Y/n see in him?
Before he could think, Harry picked up the phone and called Y/n. She picked up after two rings.
“Harry? It's kind of late. What are you—”
“I’m not like him,” he said abruptly.
“Like who?”
“That guy in the movie. I’m not like him at all. And I—I don’t want to be. I like who I am.”
“I like who you are too, Harry,” she said, not acknowledging the fact that he watched her favorite movie. "Do you—Do you think I don't like you?"
"Well, no, I just thought because you love this movie so much was because of what's his name—"
"Mr. Darcy?"
"Yeah him. He's all posh and stuff, and I—"
"While I find your insecurity slightly adorable, I'm gonna have to stop you," Y/n said. "Harry, I didn't ask you to watch the movie with me because I was trying to change you or anything like that. I just wanted to spend time with you outside of a club or dive bar."
"Oh," Harry said. Well that was a lot more sensible than his downward spiral.
"Yeah 'Oh.' Do you really think I'm that shallow?"
Blushing, he said, "No."
"Good. Now, aside from that, did you like it?"
Harry stayed up longer than he normally did to talk to Y/n about the movie, and a bunch of other things. By the end of the second hour, he knew it was getting a little late, but he didn't want to hang up.
"If you're up for it, maybe we could watch a movie together instead of going to that dingy pub on Friday," he said, trying to stifle a yawn.
"Oh, Harry, I'm so sorry for being so mean earlier. I enjoy spending time with you so much, I just—"
"I know, I get it now. Our dates need a little more variety. And less loud music"
"Well, maybe more than a little variety," Y/n joked. "Maybe I can plan the next date? No romance movies, I promise."
Something in Harry settled at her suggestion. "That sounds nice. If I wasn't obvious, I'm kind of terrible at this dating stuff."
"You're not terrible. You're very sweet, and you watched my favorite movie all by yourself. You wouldn't have done that if you didn't care."
Harry blushed. "Thanks."
"Not to mention all the tattoos and the long hair and the muscles and the eye liner—"
"Okay, okay, I get it. Thank you, and thank you for being honest," Harry said. He really did appreciate her honesty instead of just giving up on him altogether.
"Of course. And next time follow my lead when I invite you over late at night to watch a movie, okay? Odds are, we probably won't be watching much of anything."
Y/n hung up before Harry could respond. His eyes were wide as he stared at his hands in disbelief. He really was an idiot.
#harry styles#harry styles one shot#harry styles fic#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles fanfic#harry styles oneshot#harry styles x reader#harry styles x you#harry styles fluff#harry styles au#harry styles blurb
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The White Flame (Part 1)
[modern! rockstar • Aemond Targaryen x fem!reader]
[warnings: sexual tension, drugs, angst, swearing, fluff]
[description: Aemond is the bassist of the band whose leader and vocalist is his brother. The whole band decides to use the marketing and design help of their guitarist's friend. The story is an interweaving of domination, desire and slowly burning feeling.]
* English is not my first language. Please, do not repost. Enjoy! *
Next chapters: Masterlist
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"The White Flame" - the name of their band - was Aegon's idea. Ever since he started taking singing lessons he always knew he wanted to start a band. Although Aemond didn't believe in this venture, he gave in to him when he said one day that he had found a guitarist and a drummer. Their house was big, so the first rehearsals took place in their garage.
Aemond loved the bass guitar, its low sound, the way it was always in the back carrying the whole song on its weight, giving it that nice quivering feeling in your chest when it played on stage. Cregan as a drummer was very lively and energetic, he could improvise very well and bring a lot to the whole composition, adding to its expression.
Mathylda, whom they simply called "Momo", was a great guitarist and had a very interesting way of applying makeup. Often blue butterflies were pinned into her short black hair, her make-up was wide and bright, passing through all the colors of blue. She dressed all in black, and despite the glasses that made her look like a nerd, she had a rock star vibe about her.
They managed to get an agent who arranged their first concerts in small clubs. Slowly, they began to receive more and more offers, and after two years they played almost every weekend. Mathylda said that they needed someone to care for their marketing, someone who would run their social media, design logos and gadgets, and promote their style.
"My friend is great at these kind ot things, I can ask her if she would like to help us." She said one day, referring to the girl who would come to their concerts sometimes and then have drinks with Momo at the bar.
She didn't talk to them much, seeing that the boys often disappeared with the girls in some corners, snorted something or just drank. Sometimes, however, she and Mathylda would come over to exchange a few words. One day she was talking to Aegon while eating marshmallows shaped like litte rabbits heads.
"Actually, you yourself look like a bunny." He once said drunk. She laughed and asked if he thought she had rabbit teeth. He said he meant her bun.
Indeed, she often combed her long hair so that part of her front hair was wrapped at the back of her head in a small bun, fastened with a colored terry, which she could tie on demand without even thinking about it. Aemond wondered how she did it that she didn't even look at herself in the mirror, and that the bun always looked perfect.
From then on, Aegon always called her "Bunny", and it stayed that way. Sometimes they used an abbreviation and just called her "Bun." Compared to them, she was very colorful, joyful and, above all, sober.
She had had drinks with Mathylda of course, but Aemond had never seen her drunk enough to gibber or cajole. She talked a lot and was always discussing something with Cregan or Aegon.
She often wore sweatshirts or sweaters in bright, pastel colors, sometimes with a character from a fairy tale. For example, she had a "Adventures of the Gummi Bears" hoodie that Aegon loved. For some reason he called her "Gummi Bunny" back then, to the dismay of everyone, including her.
Although her choice of clothing might seem childish, she always paired it with high-waisted trousers or mid-thigh skirts with high wool socks, which emphasized her slim figure and nice proportions. Aemond found himself staring at her legs a lot when she was wearing a short skirt.
When Momo suggested that Bunny handle their marketing, everyone was comfortable with the idea. Sometimes she would show them her designs and illustrations, and they were all impressed.
Aemond never commented on what she was doing, but he thought she did have talent. Once everything was settled, Bunny came over to them after one of the rehearsals with her laptop and sketchbook. She wanted to show them some designs for their new logo.
“I decided that a classic typographic solution would be the best. Your music refers to classic rock, so I went the way of Deep Purple, Led Zeppelin or AC/DC.” She said calmly, unfolding the pages. Aemond was surprised that she had done her homework. Her designs referenced the typography of the 60's and 70's, making the inscription "The White Flame" look retro.
Everyone loved the direction she was going. After a lively discussion, they came to the conclusion that the most interesting design was the one in which the L was a flame, with the rest of the thick, serifed letters.
Bunny suggested that if she could, she would stay with them while they practiced and start making a logo on the laptop so she could consult with them on changes. Nobody had any objections to that.
After a few weeks, the logo was ready. Bunny one day brought everyone stickers with it on it, saying it was a cool and inexpensive gadget and that they could use some t-shirts and bags too. She also took care of their social media. One day she brought her little purple Instax and said she wanted to take some cool retro pictures of them.
She took one of the photos of Aemond from hiding, standing to the side. Aemond stood against a completely black background, his eyes narrowed in concentration, a cigarette in his mouth. His sleeve with a large tattoo peeked out from under his black T-shirt, his white hair, bright face and black&white guitar contrasted with the whole setting.
Bunny approached him with excitement, saying that it was one of the best pictures and that it turned out great. As she stood next to him, he smelled her scent, some pleasant floral perfume. He just grunted, exhaling smoke through his nose, tilting his head to the side so as not to blow on her.
After concerts, there were always at least a few girls waiting for autographs at their door. Usually half of them wanted to fuck. Aegon took advantage of this every time and went to the toilet with them. Cregan didn't, at least not right away, but sometimes he gave his phone number to girls he liked.
Aemond only fucked the most desperate ones. It excited him to think that he could give them everything they wanted, give them hope and leave them with nothing. He wondered, what they expected?
However, he felt uneasy when, after one such action, he left the men's room with one of the girls, who was quickly adjusting her skirt, and Bunny was waiting on the other side, apparently waiting for the women's room.
The look she gave him was not one of reproach or disgust. She looked like he was physically hurting her. She lowered her gaze as he turned and walked away, deciding that he didn't have to explain anything to her.
During one of the rehearsals, she sat on their couch. She'd been working on her laptop for a few hours now and took off her shoes, putting her hunched legs together.
Aemond involuntarily, sitting in the armchair next to her, tuning his guitar, looked at her legs dressed in high, cream socks to the middle of the thighs. She was wearing a big, long, light-colored, long-sleeved Gryffindor sweatshirt and shorts. That's why she looked like she was wearing nothing underneath.
Aemond felt a tightness in his pants at the thought of being between those thighs. He wondered if she would moan sweetly under him as he fucked her, if she would be wet and tight for him. He looked away, clenching his jaw, blowing smoke out of the corner of his mouth.
He looked up at her in surprise when he saw her put the laptop aside, walked over to him and leaned her hip against his armchair, showing him one of the sketches on a piece of paper she must have done earlier.
“Aegon once proposed to decorate your guitars. I already have a project for Momo, but I decided to do something different for you.” She said calmly, a note of satisfaction and pride in her voice. Aemond looked at her drawing. It accurately reproduced his bass guitar.
In her illustration, a black and white dragon with claws, drawn in a sharp, simplistic style, was eating its own tail as it curled around the shape of the instrument. Aemond took the cigarette from his mouth and flicked the smoke onto the ashtray, that was on the small table beside him.
"I like it." He spoke briefly and to the point.
A few days later, he, Momo and Bunny drove their guitars to the printing house. At first, Momo and Bunny were going to go there alone and get his guitar too, but he told them that if he saw even a scratch on it, he would kill them. Frightened that something might escape their attention, they simply told him to come with them.
They went in and explained that they had come to print the guitars with the designs Bunny had sent them earlier. Bunny frowned as they showed her the stickers that would then be welded into the fabric and secured.
"Why is the print resolution so poor?" She asked, looking at the man in surprise. The man shrugged.
"Perhaps you sent such a project." He said dismissively. Bunny frowned.
"I have sent you a high resolution file." She said coldly. The man sighed and checked everything on the computer again. He pursed his lips as he realized she was right. She raised her eyebrows, obviously expecting an apology.
"After all, since you play on stage, you won't be able to see pixels from a distance anyway." He said calmly. Bunny opened her mouth, nervous, but before she could say anything, Aemond walked over to her, took the sheet of paper with the sticker, and tore it up in front of them. He tossed it on his desk, staring at him with a stony face.
"Nobody's gonna put this pixelated shit on my guitar. Print it again because you're getting on my nerves already, mate." He said low, his voice making the man look at him with wide eyes. He clenched his jaw and wordlessly turned the machine back on. He must have changed something, because this time the printouts looked perfect.
Aemond watched carefully as he pasted the design onto his guitar. Bunny and Momo looked at them with amusement as they saw the man's hands shaking. When it was over, they left the printing house, quite satisfied with the end result.
"I'll drive you to your home." He said calmly, and the girls looked at each other, surprised, apparently not expecting such a kind heart from him. They both sat in the back, talking about nutrition, how frustrated the guy was and his nonsensical remarks.
First on the way was Momo's house. As she said goodbye and closed the door behind her, Aemond drove on. The silence fell between them. He looked in his mirror and saw in the reflection that their eyes met. They turned immediately.
Aemond considered stopping somewhere in some small, empty street for a while to just fuck her on his back seat. He thought after a moment that he would probably just scare her. Her voice snapped him out of his thoughts.
"I have something for you." She said shyly, smiling warmly. He looked from the road to her face in the mirror, surprised. "Aegon told me you recently had a birthday. But I didn't have the courage to give it to you in front of everyone." She said, looking down at her lap.
Aemond swallowed softly, completely bewildered. He didn't like celebrating birthdays, and he didn't like missed gifts. He stared straight ahead, saying nothing.
He glanced in the mirror again, hearing her rummage through her white suede backpack. He parked in front of her house when he heard her lean over him, her elbows between the two front seats, her head close to his face.
She held an envelope in her hand, it was not sealed. Aemond reached inside, without even asking her if he could see what was inside, and pulled out a few sheets. After a while he realized they were tattoo designs.
“Aegon told me you want to make a new one, but you need a good design. That you wish it had a dagger on it that belonged to your great-great-grandfather. He took a picture of him for me and I came up with several versions. I tought you might like one of them." She said softly with a smile, her gaze warm and sincere.
He looked at her, their faces millimeters apart. He wanted to fuck her, kiss her long neck, listen to her soft moans. He wondered if he saw it in his gaze, because she shivered and swallowed softly, her lips parting slightly.
He looked at her lips, then back at her eyes. They leaned against each other's foreheads, and she sighed softly, as if in relief. She smiled at him. He thought she was going to kiss him, but she pulled away, zipped up her backpack, and left the car without a word, her legs trembling slightly.
He watched her as she walked into her house and didn't even look back at him. He felt his entire jaw clench with desire. He squeezed his eye shut, swallowed hard, and started the engine, driving out of her driveway with a squeal of tires.
_____
Let me know what do you think and if you want a series form that! If you want to be tagged, leave a comment below. ♥
@zenka69 @melsunshine @opheliaas-stuff
#aemond x oc#aemond fic#aemond fanfiction#aemond targaryen#aemond x you#hotd aemond#aemond one eye#aemond x reader#aemond fluff#aemond smut#aemond angst#prince aemond#house of the dragon aemond#aemond the kinslayer#aemond x y/n#aemond x fem!reader#modern aemond#modern!aemond#ewan mitchell x reader#ewan mitchell fanfic#ewan mitchell#hotd fanfic#hotd x reader#hotd smut#hotd fluff#hotd x you#hotd x y/n
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This Mortal Coil - Adeptus Baizhu x Chronically Ill Fem!Reader (3k)
A repost from my old account since I'm not sure how many people actually saw it what with all the visibility glitches. I wrote this for me to commemorate the year anniversary of my MS diagnosis, but sharing with all of you; a lot of Baizhu fans are chronically ill/disabled yet weirdly nobody seems to write for a sick reader...
The frail owner of the Bubu Pharmacy is secretly a snake adeptus, in the final phase of his life. While everyone knows of his quest for immortality, nobody knows the true reason why.
As he watches you, his sick mortal lover, sleep, he is alone with his thoughts and reminisces - both with joy and sadness - on your time together.
+++ Contains much angst and portrayal of degenerative chronic illness +++
It's on AO3 here.
__________
In the still of the night, Baizhu sits perched on the side of your bed as you slumber. With a gentle hand he caresses your brow and head, taking comfort in the feeling of the silky strands of your hair as they run through his fingertips like sand through an hourglass. It reminds him of the precious gift of time. As he watches your steady breathing in the flickering lanternlight, he cannot help but reminisce in this quiet moment of respite from the bustle of the Pharmacy.
Looking down at you through long eyelashes, the glow of the lantern catches his amber eyes, which exude a kindness he shows to nobody else.
As he sits with you, he recalls the first time that you, his favourite patient, had sat in his office and told him “It feels like I’m disappearing.”
He had looked at you with a quizzical expression until you had described your confusion at how your limbs had become numb, tingling and weak, your brain foggy and forgetful. The mysterious numbness had started to creep up your body.
“Like you are disappearing?” he had replied, his voice hollow as he recognised only too well the symptoms you had described.
It had been an apt description, for it was in some respect, true. The incurable illness that was silently ravaging you was destroying your body, and with it, your very essence of self. Not only was it disabling the switches that allowed you to feel and control your body, but your very personality would slowly erode, not just from the weight of your troubles, but because your emotions were also becoming harder to control.
Baizhu’s heart aches at the recollection of how you had wrung your hands in the face of his sombre words that had turned your world upside down. And how his heart had broken that he had been the one to deliver the news that shattered your dreams before his eyes. With a painful look in his eyes, he thinks back to how he had relentlessly tried a multitude of remedies to bring you relief; pushed needles into your supple flesh to release the flow of your Qi energy, given you pills and tinctures, salves and ointments, massaged and stretched your muscles to release their painful tight spasms. And you had borne the discomfort of his treatments without any complaint. Unlike his other patients, not once had you ever complained of the bitterness of his medicines. Over time, he had realised that his desire and passion to heal you was not just that of a doctor, but as someone who loved you.
A loving gaze in his eyes as he beholds your sleeping form, he recalls how you had asked him what his favourite flower was. His heart swells with emotion at the thought of how you had brought him those flowers as a thank you gift for his efforts. He laughs softly to himself at the recollection that he had eaten them because he had not realised that they were a gift to display in his office. His heart had fluttered with joy when, in the course of your frequent charming conversations during your consultations, he had discovered that you enjoyed floral teas and infusions, because it meant that despite him being an Adeptus, you both had something in common.
As the lantern flickers once more in the silent bedroom, he remembers the day he had summoned enough courage to blushingly confess his love for you with soft and quiet words. Back then he had dreamed of you sleeping by his side as you do now, but had never dared to believe that it would one day become a reality.
“You’d love me, even with my illness?” you had replied in shock and disbelief, your eyes filled with tears. “Even knowing what is to come? Even knowing that I will one day lose myself and suffer the indignity of becoming nothing more than a shell?”
Your reaction had startled him, for it had never occurred to him not to love you or take care of you until his dying day. You were no less worthy of love just because your body had decided to destroy itself and it had wounded him deeply to hear you speak that way about yourself, as though there could be people in the world who would see you as a burden.
“You will always be you.” he had replied with misty eyes as he caressed your cheek. “No matter what comes to pass, I will always see you as you are now, radiant and full of life, for that person will always be in here. ” He had pressed a gentle fingertip over your heart before holding your trembling body close as you sobbed on his shoulder at his words, clinging painfully to him as your fingertips dug into his back as though your life had depended on it.
With a slender finger, he wipes his eyes before caressing your head once more, pulling the covers up a little around your neck, around which hangs a protective Adeptus amulet he made for you; his first gift to you that wasn’t medicine.
As he delves further into his vivid memories, he feels the same butterflies as he did on the day that he had revealed that he was in fact an Adeptus. He had done so with apprehension in his heart, for he knew only too well that a snake did not have the beauty or majesty of other Adepti. Unlike a crane or a deer, most people would shudder and recoil at the idea of a snake spirit. And your reaction had startled him once more; you had cupped his face in your hands, repeating his own words to him – that the person you loved was still inside of him, no matter which physical form he took.
A smile blossoms on his face as he recalls the first time he had unveiled his true snake form to you as you had knelt on the grassy mountainside under the moonlight. How you had giggled when he had coiled his large scaly body around you, given your cheek a soft boop with his nose and rested his head in your lap, his flickering tongue tasting your happiness in the air. Instead of running in fear, you had hugged him tightly and called him beautiful. Your gentle hands had given him headpats for hours and scratched under his chin as he purred with blissful contentment and nuzzled against your soft warm body. Your soothing touch, so replete with love, had sent him into a deep, almost hypnotic meditative trance. In this way, chastely holding one another under a blanket of stars, you had spent your first night together, both knowing true peace for the first time in your lives.
That night had been the first time in a long time that he had shown his true spirit to a mortal, and even longer since he had been touched with any degree of affection. He had wept hot happy tears at your unhesitating acceptance of his fearsome form. Since then he had been your constant companion as well as the guardian of your health and your heart.
A warm feeling washes through Baizhu as he thinks of how much he loves coiling around you as you sleep, emanating a healing frequency that vibrates and hums through you, relieving your pain and fatigue, soothing your frayed nerves and easing the tension in your muscles. It brings him so much joy to envelop you in the vibrant purr of pure love, knowing you can feel a sense of peace in the knowledge that you can entrust all of your fears, weariness and anguish to him.
With a soft smile, he remembers how you had excitedly asked him about Adeptus cuisine, wanting to make him something he enjoyed, and the eagerness with which you had been willing to try his dishes, no matter how unconventional to the human palate. He had replied that he liked to eat flowers with a pleasant scent for breakfast, as they bring him a good feeling inside, calming and relaxing his soul. You had laughed melodiously and told him how cute it was. He had never been called cute before and it had made him feel as warm inside as an afternoon nap in the autumn sun. He wondered if you knew how cute you had been in that moment, with your bright and honest smile. You had giggled even more when he had bashfully confessed that he had eaten the flowers you had given him so long ago.
In the days when you were more mobile on your feet, you would go for walks and fill baskets with his favourite flowers for him to eat, or infuse them as a fragrant tea for the two of you to share, or stuff them into his pillow so the calming scent would help you both relax as you slept. The scent and the sight of these flowers would forever remind him of you.
As he continues to caress your head, he recalls the nervous flutter in his heart when he had told you all about the four sacred Adeptus love rituals marking the various stages of commitment to one another and his joy when you had shyly asked if he wanted to perform those rituals with you. To mark the first attraction and your burgeoning connection, you had fed each other orchids and lotus seeds at the Ritual of Pink Clouds, so-named after the clouds at dawn and the satin blush on the cheeks of shy new lovers. The Ritual of Flowing Waters symbolised your intent to deepen your relationship, irrevocably entwining your lives and sharing all your joys and tribulations. You had both gathered purest spring water from two different mountain streams and solemnly poured it into a single cup from which you both drank. Then the handfasting Ritual of the Blossoms, tying a cord he had woven himself from auspicious and medicinal plants and flowers, pledging yourselves to one another in this life and all of the lives to come. And then, after he had meticulously prepared the room with incense, lanterns and ceremonial foods, and you had both bathed to purify yourselves in accordance with the sacred tradition, you became an entanglement of limbs on a soft bed of silk and flowers as you consummated your love with his human form during the Ritual of the Red Moon, bringing each other to the heights of divine pleasure with happy tears as you bonded yourselves to one another for all time, the Blood Moon demurely hiding its face to give you privacy as it eclipsed itself in shades of warm carmine. It had been a moment so intimate, it had felt as though your very souls had touched.
Replaying these memories in his mind, it devastates him that your physical vessel, which houses such a kind, loving and honest heart, is disintegrating before his very eyes. It is being ravaged by an illness that has swept through you like wildfire, bringing untold destruction in its wake as it eats your body, mind and soul from the inside, like an Abyss curse. When he had first met you, the Bad Days were few and far between, but lately they have been increasing in number, and starting to outweigh the Good Days. You are but a prisoner inside your own body, which has become your jailer and your torturer. Your own mortal enemy. It is as though your body is possessed of a maleficent spirit with a mind of its own, hellbent on wreaking some sort of revenge for a sin unknown.
As he looks down at you nestled in the cosy bed and hand-knitted blanket, he reflects on how he had encouraged you to be creative, to preserve your neurological function and manual dexterity and help brighten your mood. So you had learned to knit, and had made a purple scarf for him out of the softest yarn, a physical manifestation of your love that he could wrap around himself to keep warm during the winter months, his snake spirit being sensitive to the cold. With great fondness he had run his fingertip over the irregular stitches, where your fingers had faltered; the imperfections making its charm. He had given you baoding balls to manipulate, and the gentle peals of their magical chimes were a source of comfort to him - as long as you could turn them, it meant that things hadn't gone too far.
And now your loving hands are numb and weak, barely able to grasp a teacup or open a jar. The baoding balls have fallen silent. It pains his heart to relive in his mind how you had cried the day you had irretrievably lost the feeling in them in the space of a few hours, but not because of the loss of function. The biggest woe of your selfless, loving heart was that you could no longer feel him as you caressed him. With a tear in his eye, he remembers how he had coiled helplessly around you to comfort you and how you had both wept as you once again petted his head in your lap, unable to feel his ivory scales rippling beneath your fingertips.
While his fingers continue to absent-mindedly caress you, Baizhu’s eyes glaze and become distant as he recalls how, with despair in his heart, he had prostrated himself before the Lord of Geo himself, begging him for help. The stoic dragon king had looked down at him and told him dispassionately that this pain was a sign that it was a most sincere love indeed. But that the pain was simply a natural consequence of living an immortal life. He recalled how, his forehead pressed into the dirt at Morax’s feet, his tears had fallen, causing glaze lilies to sprout from the ground. In his desperation, he had picked the flowers and brought them home to you to grind into medicine, but their taste was bitter and they had had no therapeutic benefit.
In accordance with his contract, Baizhu had protected the mortals of Liyue in his own way – unlike other Adepti he was never a warrior, but a healer.
But the many centuries spent in service of his obligations have taken their toll, and his body is now weak and decrepit, as frail as the mortals he has served for so long. Even more so. Even Rex Lapis himself is not immune to erosion. And yet, the insolent logic of nightmare had brought you – the woman he had waited an eternity to meet – into his life when he was least equipped to protect you, when his healing magic was at its lowest ebb. He spent every day wracked with regret at his past actions. Perhaps if he had been less selfless, he could protect what he truly loved now.
The cruelty of the world pained him. The cruelty of seeing you suffer, the inability to relieve your sickness or cure you in any meaningful way, the tragedy of only finding you when he was at his most vulnerable and weak. He was not even strong enough to carry you to your bed. All he could do was slow the progression of your illness and keep the inevitable at bay for as long as possible, and each time it would sap his own body of its strength. But he would gladly give every drop of his life essence to preserve your joy of living and bodily integrity just a little while longer. Seeing your smile and hearing your laugh echo in the world for just one more day would be more than worth it. How could he know that you would gladly give up your own health if healing you meant losing him?
And now he finds himself maligned by the citizens of the Harbour, their ungratefulness manifest as they mutter behind their hands and mock him for his quest for immortality, besmirching his name with rumours of experiments and cruelty against the apprentice he sheltered from Director Hu. Being an Adeptus, he had known of Qiqi’s story and had felt indirectly responsible for her plight, having seen her mortal form shivering with cold and fear in that cave so long ago, when even he had been forced to reluctantly pick up arms. And so, despite not being a man of high calibre or courage, he tried to relieve his karmic burden by taking her in. Robbed of her memory in her immortal form, she had no recollection of him.
What the two-faced gossipmongers who kowtow to him whenever they need healing do not know is why he seeks to unlock the elixir of immortality. How he longs for them to understand that it is for his true love, so that her fragile mortal vessel may hold her soul to accompany him for the rest of his days. And it is for himself, so that he may live long enough to find a cure for her suffering and, if he cannot, so he may continue to infuse his essence into her weakened body, to preserve her a little while longer.
Tonight, he curls his frail human form around you, spooning you as you sleep, a look of serenity on your beautiful face. Today had been A Bad Day. But not The Worst Day. The plane of unconsciousness is the only place where you have any respite from the daily struggle. But of course, in the morning you will wake once more. With the sun always comes the painful feeling of dread in his heart. Will today bring more deterioration? Will today be the last day that you can feel a limb or walk unaided? Will today be the day that your sight will finally fail, or you will suffer the indignity of losing control of your bodily functions? Every cursed dawn will herald a day closer to your inevitable fate, which is why you both take refuge in the tranquility of the night.
For now, all this cold-blooded reptile can do is absorb your warmth as he presses his face into your fragrant hair, smelling of the flowers he so adores. And weep bitterly.
#genshin impact fanfics#genshin x reader#genshin impact#genshin fanfic#baizhu x you#baizhu x reader#baizhu x y/n#baizhu#baizhu x chronically ill reader#baizhu x female reader#chronic illness#multiple sclerosis#invisible illness#degenerative illness#angst#tragic romance#adeptus baizhu#原神#白朮#baizhu adeptus au#one shot#angst with a sad ending#genshin one shot#genshin baizhu#genshin impact baizhu
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I am reposting this in its own post, since a reblog usually doesn’t get seen much.
It is about the disappearance of the Titan underneath the sea. The current “Titanic disaster” happening. I originally wrote this because if you are on Tumblr, all you see is “Who cares about a handful of billionaires?” “Just eat the rich!” “Let the billionaires die” “Everybody is making a fuss about some rich people’s endangering themselves for pure tourism”. And I need to add something, something a lot of people if not everybody on Tumblr seems to have completely missed, an info that apparently you can only have if you are in France. Just to explain why, for example, this event impacts France a bit more directly than other countries, and why simplifying the situation to “A bunch of stupid billionaires killed themselves due to being stupid” can be very annoying to hear. And it all lies in the fact that there’s one specific man in Titan. This introduction being done, here is the copy-paste of my original reblog:
The reason France talks so much about it, for example, is because there is one French man inside this machine: Paul-Henri Nargeolet. And the whole thing that is taking everybody’s mind is the fact that Nargeolet is one of the greatest French experts of the Titanic. He is described by everyone as an adventurer and explorer, and he has always been doing jobs related to underwater diving (his first job was to work as a deminer-diver from the 60s to the 80s, getting care of a lot of underwater bombs and explosives. But in the 80s it is when he started getting involved with the Titanic - and became one of THE French names tied to it. His first descent to the Titanic was in 1987 in the submarine Le Nautile, and he kept going down there again and again, decades after decades.
Because as I said, he was an explorer. He studied the Titanic, he explored the sunken ship carcass - and more importantly he brought back a lot of objects from the Titanic. He brought up more than 800 different objects (he was part of the RMS Titanic and oversaw a lot of other exploraton operations of the Titanic). Mind you, him bringing up the 800 objects was in the 90s. In his own word, I think he said that in 1993 (but I’m not sure), he brought all these objects because he wanted that future generations might have something that came from the Titanic. Mind you, his explorations have been quite divisive - in fact, he perfectly resumed it in one of the books he wrote about exploring the Titanic. He had received the visit (when he was still digging up the Titanic objects) of two sisters, survivors of the Titanic sinking. One came to him to say “I do not like what you are doing. Our father died in this ship, and I think what you are doing is wrong.” But the other came to him saying “I appreciate a lot what you do. Before the sinking, our mother had placed her pearl necklace by the little cupboard near her bed. Could you try to fetch it back for us?”. As he explains in his book, it was the best illustration of how polarizing him, his explorations of the Titanic and his fetching of items were.
But the point I am trying to make is that this man’s life was entirely about the Titanic. He was part of many research and studies about the Titanic, he kept writing books about the Titanic, he dived down there and explored the Titanic more than two dozen times, and he is the man responsible for us having today more than 800 items taken out of the carcass on the seafloor. In fact, in the French news this was brought up when we learned he was aboard “But... he has been down there like 25 fives already! Why would he pay to go down there yet again? On top of that he’s 77 today, he should just quit going down there!”. And one of his friends answered on TV that, basically, Nargeolet had described him how seeing the Titanic, exploring it, going down there to be near it, became like a drug - an addiction. He wanted to keep going down there for as long as he could, to keep exploring and searching for the ship’s secrets, before its total destruction.
As I do a quick fact-check to make sure I don’t say anything stupid (and I probably will have because I am not a Nargeolet’s biograph) I discover that there is some British billionaire aboard this machine - and I will say you honestly, I have been stuck near 24h info channels in France (thanks to having to work with sound in the background) and never once did they mention this rich British guy. All we talk about here is Nargeolet and his life - and what nobody says but everybody thinks, is how much of a tragic irony it would be if one of the great French explorers and experts of the Titanic died by wanting to see it one last time. This is why, at least in France, we talk a lot about this. (And to be frank, honestly the French news REALLY do not care about the others - if you listened to them there’s only Nargeolet in this little machine down there and nobody else)
EDIT: I just learned he wasn't even going down there purely to see the Titanic. He was going down there to test the Titan - because he had some hopes that maybe, if a mechanical arm was added to the Titan, he could get some items and objects he couldn't have with his own exploration submarine, the Nautilus. Though it was quite a slim hope, because apparently he also didn't believe the Titan could work with a mechanical arm - but he still decided to do one descent with it just to see how it worked down there...
#titan#the titan disaster#titan sinking#the titan sinking#titanic#the titanic#paul-henri nargeolet#titanic studies#titanic exploration#french things
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Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc
The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!
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