Omg in the low 150s this morning :)

i wanted to share some context on what i do and eat every day to show that some people in certain scenarios don’t need to eat as little as 400 calories to lose weight fast.

my health/meds:

i am being treated for Lyme disease and have been on antibiotics for over a year now. sometimes im on two or three at a time. when im on antibiotics i need even more calories than normal and i wont fight it.

for my mental health, i am on Lamictal, Wellbutrin, Pristiq, and Gabapentin. those meds need calories to burn, so a total fast will NEVER work for me unless i want to have a seizure and get admitted.

my diet:

my goal is typically under 800, and the lowest i will shoot for is 650.

my doctor advised me to limit my refined sugars as much as possible and go gluten free. i do limit the refined sugars but there are a bit in my protein bars and i have starbucks here and there. i am mostly gluten free and mostly vegan (100% dairy free).

i try to mainly put good things in my body because if i am going to eat the calories, i want to get nutrients from it. macros are important because getting enough carbs, proteins and fats will allow your body to break down what you eat.

my activity:

i try to go to the sauna 4-5 times a week. i do a 15 minute HIIT cycle class and nowadays i just stay in until i get 30 zone minutes. after that i walk with my dog. we do 2-3 miles and probably run half of it? be sure to prioritize your dog when exercising with an 3d, they can’t handle as much as we can. i had a friend who almost lost her dog that way, he had a heat stroke. i also just try to get up and clean throughout my evening like phone or something for 30, get up and clean for 30. something like that.

results:

i gained 70 lbs in recovery, so my SW was 192… i started losing in june of 2023 and as of today have lost 61 lbs :)

you can lose the weight without going complete fast but also do that if you want, its a nice feeling lol just remember to feed the meds!

positive outcome from recovery:

i have obviously relapsed and im happy with that decision, but i gained some really amazing things in recovery and im going to share them.

1. i got nicer/my real personality came out and i stopped contributing to the patriarchy

2. i learned a lot about food and my body and its an amazing skill to have

3. i got rid of my body dysmorphia and we can all celebrate that shit!!

The Fight to Be Slim Again

There seem to be more people in the world that are unhappy with their current weight as opposed to the number of people that are really and truly happy about their weight/physique. Now although I am not a big woman, I am 5' 2 in height, about 147 lbs, now some may say well that's not bad at all "that's a good size" but at one time I weighed 175 (about 8 months ago), for a woman of my stature that was pretty heavy. And my doctor was constantly telling me, Miss Neal, you must come down or you risk the chance of suffering from gout, water on your knees, and possibly other health issues

But as I got older I found that it was harder and harder for me to lose weight, now my doctor suggested that I for my height should be around 130 lb I had not been that small since I was in my late 20s or early 30s.

Let's See More Tips

I'm now 47 years old so as most of you can imagine it's really hard to get rid of The Unwanted weight I have gained over the years.

So I started trying out everything I could think of. I stopped eating certain foods, was trying out different weight loss remedies or weight loss dietary supplements and for a long time, none of that was working. So a lot of you may say but you're a hundred and 147 pounds now, how did you lose that 20 to 30 lb?

Well, one day I was surfing the web looking for ways to lose weight when I stumbled upon an ad for something called. After reading this article which I have placed a link to down below, I can remember thinking to myself, "oh boy here we go again" something promising you-you'll be able to lose weight, something you could actually make right in your own kitchen, but because of the fact that it was inexpensive unlike most of the dietary supplements as you all should know, many of them can range anywhere from $50 to $100, " those prices can really add up over time " especially if you're someone who is always trying to lose weight you could wind up spending hundreds of dollars " and who has that kind of money to spend these days". So naturally, the thought of being able to lose weight for a fraction of what I was used to spending intrigued me and I already had some of the ingredients in my kitchen.

I finally decided to go ahead and give it a try, now for the first month I didn't notice any change now mind you I already eat very healthily as I am a vegan. So I was expecting to see results rather fast and after 30 days I was beginning to become a little discouraged, then one day I had a doctor's appointment a foot doctors appointment and just like they always do at the doctor's they weighed me. To my surprise I had actually lost 10 pounds I guess I didn't notice because I did not own a scale I was just going by the way I looked in the mirror I didn't see a difference some of my clothes fit a little looser but then other things I wore seem to fit the same way so that threw me off.

So now I was psyched and told myself "the tea must be working", and you know how he elated you feel when you actually start to notice you're losing the weight. So yeah I started exercising because I wasn't exercising at first I was just eating the way I usually eat (my vegan food) and drinking the tea like every other day at least 3 days a week, but now I bumped it up to four times a week for the tea and exercising on my exercise bike at least a half an hour every day. One day about two months later, while I was in town I and my fiance stopped at the Rite Aid Pharmacy while she was waiting for her meds I decided to go ahead and take my blood pressure and weigh myself on that machine they have in most Rite Aid Pharmacies. That's when I realized I had lost like 18 lbs, so altogether I had lost like 28 lb just drinking this tea over the course of about three to four months.

Now I don't drink the tea as much anymore cuz I kind of got tired of it but whenever I feel like I may have eaten too many foods that contain too many calories outside of what I normally eat I always go back to drinking that tea and it has helped me to maintain this weight. So right below here I have enclosed a coupon for this RED TEA DETOX if anyone wants the chance to read about this product for themselves by Liz Swann Miller - weight loss expert, just go to the link provided for red tea detox

Thank you for taking the time to read about my story with weight gain and the struggle to lose the weight and keep it off which I still fight with every day because in reality the struggle never stops as you get older.

♱💕New Year’s Resolutions💕♱

Hello there everyone! It’s been a while since I made a formal (using the term very loosely, lol) post on this blog! I know it’s cliché, but I wanted to make a list of some New Year’s resolutions to have some extra accountability, because that is always helpful.

I don’t mean to brag or anything, but I actually met every single one of the resolutions I made last year! To provide some encouragement, I’ll list them out here:

1) Read the Bible more often-- I started a reading plan (the M’Cheyne plan, if I remember correctly) at the beginning of 2021. I actually did not finish the plan in one year, but I made it through the entire New Testament, and actually picked up my Bible again following periods of inconsistency.

2) Pray more often-- At the beginning of 2021, I didn’t pray at all. I always felt embarrassed being vulnerable in front of God. I slowly realized that God, in His omnipotence, could actually already see all of the things I was embarrassed about. I started adding a simple prayer to the beginning of my Bible reading time, and asked for more consistency. Now, I pray formally at least three times a day (like writing it down) and basically pray all throughout the day, whenever it comes up.

3) Sharing my faith with others-- I hesitated at first when I said that all of my resolutions were completed, as I have always had a really difficult time with evangelization. I realized, however, that as I grew in my faith, I naturally shared it with others. My friends would come into my room, see my Bible, and ask about my religion and what I was reading. I actually sparked interest in some of them!

4) Eat healthier-- Yes, I know this one is a cliché as well. Through a lot of discipline, though, I cut my sugar consumption in half (or maybe even more than that!). 

5) Become stronger-- I’ve always been rather fit, but being a very petite 5′3″ (like my 10 year old cousin’s wrists are bigger than mine), I have always had a difficult time with certain exercises. Through a lot of practice, I can actually do a few *normal* push-ups. It’s slow progress, but progress nonetheless!!

6) Lose extra fat-- Like I mentioned in the food one, I cut my sugar consumption down a lot! Because of it, I lost about 5 pounds. That isn’t a ton of weight, I realize, but I have always been rather thin (size 0), and 5 pounds was all I needed to lose. I feel so toned now!

7) Become flexible-- I have always struggled with flexibility. I was a ballerina for 6 years, but was never able to touch my toes, let alone get anywhere near a split. My whole family always blamed their own lack of flexibility for my issues, and basically told me that I would never be flexible. Through a lot of stretching (and crying!) I can now touch my toes, even if I go a little while without stretching. My knees nearly touch the ground when I do a butterfly stretch now!

Now, on to this year’s resolutions...

1) Complete an entire Bible plan in one year-- I’m using the plan found in the 2022 Prayer Planner by the Daily Grace Co. It’s just a straight-through plan of the Bible. You can probably find one on the YouVersion app that is exactly the same.

2) Journal every single day

3) Publish at least one original post on Tumblr per month-- You guys can keep me accountable on this one 😊

4) Start a faith-based podcast-- I’ve had some ideas for a while, I just need to actually work on them now that college apps are over

5) Lift weights at least 2 times a week-- I used to be in a weight lifting class, but now I’m in one that mostly does body weight exercises. Last year, I had a super strong deadlift (I think it was 170 lbs?), but I’ve totally lost that now 

6) Do cardio at least once a week-- my endurance is nonexistent. oops.

7) Complete all assignments the moment I get them. No excuses. Also, study for tests sooner than the night before-- Somehow I’ve managed to get through high school procrastinating like crazy while still maintaining an A+ average. That is not going to fly in college, so I should probably work on that sooner rather than later.

Obviously, all of this is in addition to the stuff I already implemented last year. I learned a lot in the past year about discipline, but also self-love. I was really only able to succeed in my goals this past year because of how open they were. In the past, I have failed with super strict goals because if I missed one day, I would fall off track and never even try again. Keeping things general for a year allowed me to realize that I can always pick myself up again, even if I fail. In the past year, I absolutely went weeks at a time without reading the Bible. And you know what? One day, I just picked it up again and kept reading. Slowly, I became more consistent, and I realized that the quality of my day was a million times better after Bible reading. It does get better.

If you struggle with reaching your goals, as I did, I would recommend being kind to yourself and setting some general goals this year. They won’t work forever, but if you are a perfectionist like me, they are good at teaching you that it is okay to be inconsistently consistent, because building habits takes time. I’m now at a place where I can set daily goals and feel confident that I won’t completely abandon them, even if I have a rough stretch. 

I hope everyone grows closer to God in the coming year. Have a blessed 2022, and remember that every moment of it belongs to Him!

MLB x DC Universe Headcannons

I just love the idea of MLB and DC (expecially Batfam cuz Mari is such a Wayne) being in the same universe and crossing over. So one night, I just had an idea overload of different ways the Marinette would know the batfam/be a part of the DC universe. And if any of my shitty ideas somehow inspire or prompt you, then please be my guest. 😊 _

1) “Ladybugs of Past and Present”

Hippolyta, Wonder Woman’s mother, was once a previous holder of the ladybug miraculous. When Fu activated the miraculous and put them in circulation, Hippolyta could feel its magic waking back up. Knowing there must a reason for it to be out, she sent a message to her daughter. Diana searched, finding Marinette and Adrien as the present holders of the ladybug and cat miraculous. She vouched and brought them into the Young Justice program while they also made their own team, Project: Zodiac (or something like that).

[Sometime when Diana takes Marinette to meet Hippolyta]

“Great Hera, Tikki, you have not aged a day” -Hippolyta, cause she does know how to make joke. 

“And I would say the same to you” -Tikki

“Mother, you can make a laugh?” -Wonder Woman, honestly a bit confused cause her mom have never not been serious before.

And Marinette is just speechless cause she’s starstruck meeting Wonder Woman’s mom AND a previous Ladybug holder.

_

2) “Rockstar Niece”

Jagged Stone is Marinette’s Sweet Uncle J. During the summers, Jagged Stone would take Mari with him on tour. HIs summer tours are throughout America, so Mari gets to sightsee the country. Jagged’s first tour that he gets to take Mari on (5-ish), he’s also booked for the annual (for whatever reason) Wayne Summer Gala. When Marinette meets the Waynes, they are so enamoured (Dick and Tim couldn’t help it) that they tell Jagged he’s always invited as a guest, Mari of course being added to the permanent guest list too. About 6 years later, Mari is practically adopted, spending the first half of her summers with Jagged, going to the Wayne Gala, then spending the rest of her summer with the Waynes. Overtime, she figured out the secrets of the family and was there to welcome Jason back from the dead (when that happens). Anyways, now 11(-ish?) Mari meets Damian and the two become good friends… after an… impressionable first meeting.

“Tch, let me guess, you’re another one of father’s adopted strays” -Dami

“YOU MUST BE DAMIAN!!! DICK TOLD ME ABOUT YOU!!” -Marinette, who just ignores what he said for a hug.

“hiiiiiiiiissssssss” -Dami, touchy with touch

“...” sprays water in his face since he decided to act like a cat.

“I say, Master Bruce, the children are getting along quite well” -Alfred

_

3) “Pen Pals” 

Jon Kent and Marinette Dupain-Cheng are part of an international pen-pal program, starting when they were very young (maybe like 4 or 5-ish, super super young) where they told each other everything (Jon can’t just say that his older bro is a clone made from Superman and Lex Luthor’s DNA, or that his dad is Superman, or that his best friend is Robin, but yea. Lois and Clark probably proofread his stuff until he’s like 9) with pictures and everything. When they’re old enough to get phones & stuff, they call, text and vid-chat along with their letters (love without blood). When Mari is maybe 9-11 (somewhere around there) she starts flying over during the summers to hangout with Jon (and his friends and big brother). While there, she meets Kon, Bat fam, and Clark (some who she already knew, some who she didn’t) & lightly hints that she knows who all they are once she figures it out (it didn’t take her long to do so). 

Now whenever she visits and is at Wayne Manor (Jon likes to have sleepovers practically every weekend) while they’re on patrol, Mari subtly messes with their minds (super subtle, they’re the world’s best detectives after all) until they finally look through the cams and see Mari giving them one of those smiles (those shit-grinning cause it’s just so hilarious how it’s gone on for so long) & and a playful wink. 

[5 seconds later]

“Mari!” “Pixie-pop!” “Angel!” “Teacup!”

“Seriously, am I the only one with a normal nickname for her?” -Tim

“Ms. Marinette would like to inform you that ‘it took you long enough’” -Alfred (who so knows that the girl has been playing them since the third night she stayed at the Wayne’s)

“Where are my adoption papers?” -Bruce (who is seriously adopting any talented black-haired child)

_

4) “Mari and Mar’i” 

When Mar’i is young, Dick and Kori take her with them to see Paris (btw, this would be during the winter). They’re strolling along through a park and lose track of Mar’i who finds Marinette (9-10 ish). Marinette comforts and distracts Mar’i while noticing the young(er) girl is Tameranian (her hair is very warm and she’s wearing significantly less layers than should be worn for a human of that age during the winter, plus that sun-kissed skin tone. She’s seen Kori in her fashion magazines (and, from time to time, on the news as an ambassador) so she easily make the connections). Dick and Kori finally spot Mar’i with Mari who introduces herself to them. Mar’i asks if she can see her “Auntinette” again and Marinette just goes “if your parents are okay with it.” Dick and Kori are totally cool with it (not many are willing to watch her and have the time to do it) so they ask Marinette if she can babysit Mar’i whenever (with good pay of course) if she’s up to it (cause she’s still pretty young). Marinette can’t say no to Mar’i’s babydoll eyes (and she’s so much easier compared to Manon, who’s only 2 rn), so of course, she says yes. 

Now Marinette is Mar’is official babysitter and sees Mar’i often whenever her parents drop her off (using zeta tubes to quickly get to Paris and back). Marinette gets treated like an honorary Wayne (cause she’s the most responsible) and gets invited to their family stuff (w/ travel pay taken care of, of course). It doesn’t take her long to realize the fact that she babysits Bruce Wayne’s & BATMAN’S granddaughter, but of course, being the responsible one she is, keeps the secret… while also playing with them via Mar’i.

[One Day]

After Marinette leaves for her plane…

“Uncle Dami!”

“Yes, Spawn?”

“Auntinette said to tell you after she left that Robin’s sut needs a major upgrade & that you look like a traffic light… whatever that’s supposed to mean.”

[Another Day]

“Uncle Jay!”

“What’s up kid?’

“Auntinette said that to let you know that Red Hood doesn’t make any sense ‘cause Red Hood wears a helmet. Not a hood.”

[The next time]

“Uncle Tim!”

Yawn. “yea?”

“Auntie told me to give you this” (pulls out super caffeinated coffee) “and that Red Robin’s cowl is a menace to all things fashion”

[Again…] 

“Daddy!”

“Yes, Starshine?”

“Auntienette said she’s proud of Nightwing’s costume ‘cause it’s one of the only in the batfam that isn’t an astro-city to the fashion society.”

_

5) “Marinette, the one who’s always getting chosen”

Before Mari became (becomes(?)) LB, she comes across a different powerful piece of jewelry, from a different order of guardians where her will of mind is not only her shield from being akumatized, but it is also what drives her powers. That’s right, Mari walks past a flea market and activates a GL ring. The guardians pick up on this activity and send Hal (it is his sector) to check it out. Hal finds the ring with Mari but it still needs the light of a GL to charge and fully work. 

[During the explanation]

“Look, kid-”

“Marinette.” 

“Look, kid, I just need to know why you have that ring.”

“You think I know? I was just walking through the market and all of a sudden, this possessed ring, if that’s even what this is, started following me, then zipped in front of my face til i held my hand up so it can put itself on my finger.” 

“Kid-”

“It’s MARINETTE. Get it wrong one more time and you’ll see why I don’t need a possessed piece of alien jewelry.” -Marinette, making sure you get her name right. “Besides, if I stole it, I would remember. I’m a klepto” -Marinette, probably holding his ring too at this point.

Hal obviously doesn’t want the wrath of the Dupain-Chengs (just the kid Marinette scares him enough), so he tells the guardians that JL will take care of most of Mari’s training (once they get her a lamp for her ring, of course) & has her take part in training at Mt. Justice with the Young Justice team and special training with the Bats. Mari does all this under the guise of an international student exchange program for Mari to stay with the Waynes (not yet knowing that it’s the bat fam) and attends G.A. Mari doesn’t do much, but it takes her 24-36 hours to know who EVERYONE is.

[the next week after settling in]

“Hey, Mars,” -Dick, in his Nightwing gear

“Hey, Di-is the GREATEST SHOW!” -Mari, changing the subject(… not really)

“How long did it take you?”

“Not as long as the Kryptonians…” -Mari, going off into a tangent (still trying to change the subject”

[When Marinette meets Tikki]

Back in Paris:

“Sooo… I’m getting powerful jewelry that gives me powers and a suit, needs to be recharged, and comes from some Order of the Guardians? What’s the difference between you and my ring?” -Marinette, who at this point is very confused as to why she keeps getting picked on for this kind of stuff. 

“One’s alien, one’s magic” -Tikki, hoping Mari will end it there & lowkey hates that the GL Corp. got to her first.

“They’re both non-human made energy sources” -Mari, cause once you’ve seen it once, you’ve seen it all before. 

“You can’t heal the Akuma without the miraculous, and there are more than just rings. Yours are earrings, there are hair clips, bracelets, necklaces and more” -Tikki, after having a minute to think

“Fine, only because you said they’re the only way to heal the, what was it again, akuma?”

_

6) “Their Unofficial Official Barista”

Part of Tim’s job as Co-CEO, is to make sure all the branches are running smoothly, sometimes that means he has to fly abroad to manually check in. Tim goes to Paris to check on the W.E. Paris branch. He goes to a nearby Patisserie (Tom and Sabine’s) to see a young Marinette (somewhere from 8-11) drawing in her sketchbook at the counter. She explains that her parents are at a catering event, but she’s there to man the little bakery. Tim asks for a super caffeinated coffee and Marinette makes it with ease, claiming it was on the house with how bad he looks (and how much sleep the man clearly needs). Tim begs for her knowledge and asks if she can teach his butler. Mari’s willing to show him the next time he comes, so he gets the whole fam to go (viz tubes so they don’t waste time) maybe a week later. Everyone gets their own drink (plus a free pastries) and Marinette teaches Alfred her coffee, but it’s just not the same so Tim, using the tubes, goes to get coffee from the girl whenever he can. 

Mari is horrible at getting up on time (the life of an insomniac, never getting to sleep even if you want and then barely waking up on time) that she is up super early, makes Tim his coffee (plus a croissant) and tries to go back to sleep (making her inevitably late). Tim would walk up to the pick-up counter where his cup and to-go bag is while Marinette runs out of the house to get to school. Eventually, the rest of the Batfam (as well as the Laegue, TT, and YJ) frequent the place, slowly becoming (Dami too) Mari hides it, but she knew all the batfam the first day they came and she showed Alfred how to make the coffee. When the others start making more regular appearances, she learns the identities of YJ team, WW, GLs, and others. Obviously when LB and CN appear as heroes with HM as their villain, they immediately reach out to help. Because 1. Batfam clearly notices that it’s Mari and they sure as heck won’t let her deal with that by herself, and 2. The JL is worrying too much about their favorite barista (even though she’s not really one), especially with the Gigantitan scare. So, of course LB & CN (can’t make him bad everytime) get inducted into YJ.

[After Ladybug finishes defeating Gigantitan and detransforms] 

“Bean! Are you okay? You’re not hurt, are you?” -Tim, being an even more protective older brother than Dick, which shouldn’t be possible

“Yes, I promise. I’m fine” -Marinette, who just accepts the fact that she’s adopted an older brother (and his famliy)

“Tube over, we’ll have Alfred make sure” -Dick, already pulling out the medical supplies for Alfred.

“I-” 

“You shouldn’t worry your brothers like that, Marinette. Now come over so Alfred can clear you,” -Bruce, who just happens to overhear the conversation

“I’m sorry, Miss Marinette, they are very adamant that you’re in pitch perfect health before going out again,” -Alfred, who’s not actually sorry

“Fine” -Marinette, accepting her fate of her adopted, protective family. 

_

7) “Thicker Than the Blood We’ve Shed”

Why is Marinette so freakishly strong? Because she was trained to be. Before she could even talk, Mari was taught to be an assassin. She and Damian were frenemies, both competing for top spot as best in the League (of Assassins). They often spared together and became rivals who pushed each other (which sounds great in that context if you forget about the fact that they’re killing people and turning it into a competition). When Damian’s care is turned over to Batsy, Mari also comes along for the ride. She implements herself into Dami’s classes at G.A. & watches him from afar. (Damian, not being an idiot, of course knows all this and knows that it’s probably for Mari to give a report to Talia.) When he becomes Robin, Mari obviously knows, but waits to see if anything drastic would happen (his care was given to the Batfam, they had already expected this to happen.) She then heard word of the bounty Talia put on Damian’s head. Marinette knew there wouldn’t be much she could do to help, but she ave Dami a warning about the upcoming situation before fleeing the country. 

From there she got to France, changed her name (it wasn’t originally Marinette, it was Shénqí, chinese for miraculous/magical (or something else if you want)), was adopted by Tom & Sabine, and left her time in the League in the past. When she received Tikki, she didn’t want to be a hero because she didn’t think she deserved it after her up-bringing. Eventually, she did become LB (being a trained assassin does help with lucky charms, considering she was taught how to kill with basically every and anything), and life was good for her. Then Rossi came.

[Gotham field trip]

While at Wayne Tower…

“How idiotic are they?” -Damian, who after reuniting with his long-lost sister-from-a-different-mister (yes, Marinette was able to convince him to say it once), can’t understand the stupidity she has to deal with.

“Are you Robin?” -Mari, who is too tired, so just goes straight into the analogy

“Yes.” -Obvious and simply is.

“Exactly” -Mari, who can’t even put a limit to the amount of thought the one brain cell the class shares doesn’t use. I mean please, the so-called “reporter” believed that the first cosplayer she saw was the actual LB when they don’t even have the same hair! And let’s not forget the origins arc, where LB’s first citizen save was Chloe.

I was in a really bad state when I was admitted into the hospital. For months I was going to drs and specialists and the er and they couldn’t find anything wrong. The last time I went into the er my fiancé had to carry me in. It was so painful they had to pump so much morphine into me and the found I also had pancreatitis so they had to hold off on surgery for like 5 days until it cleared up. When they took out my organ, which was only 6 cm, they cut it open and it still had 9 gallstones inside, the biggest being half a cm, and it was filled with black fluid, and the gallbladder itself was completely black. When I woke up from surgery the first thing I said was that I felt so much better. My dr told me I had exceeded child birth pain by a lot. My recovery was pretty good. I didn’t need prescribed pain meds. I just took over the counter ibuprofen. My biggest thing I can recommend you do is walk. The more you walk the faster you’ll heal. It took about two weeks until I was able to lift more that 5 lbs and fell mostly normal. I’m not sure what you do for work but make it very clear to them that until you hit the 2-3 week mark post surgery you physically won’t be operating at 100%.

Wow that's horrible! I know the pain level is extremely high for gallstones- my surgeon told me that it's often compared to childbirth, and I did my own research into it and it's common for people who have given birth and had gallstones to say that the gallstone pain was worse (at least until the last few minutes of childbirth). My worse attacks are so bad I physically lose the ability to walk, speak or even cry. I feel like I got incredibly lucky that I got a quick diagnosis- I had 3 attacks before going for medical help, one of them happening in front of my mum, and since she's also had it she recognized the symptoms immediately. The next time it happened I had 3 bad ones back to back which led to me being rushed to A&E, and as you presumably know one of the symptoms of gallstones during attacks is aching in the right shoulder, and since I mentioned that I was put in high priority since that's also a symptom of a heart attack (but in the other shoulder, still they had to be sure), so I was quickly given a blood test, an ECG and an ultrasound in a single day, leading to a diagnosis. My surgeon also wanted to keep me in that day and operate in the morning due to my blood results showing it was also causing massive issues with my liver and kidneys, but due to a rise in covid cases he couldn't do that, so I've had to wait.

In terms of work, they're very understanding of the whole thing. I've booked a week off work entirely, but I work from home for the most part except one day a week, but in my first week returning my manager is fine for me to work entirely from home. Also, thank you for the advice! I'm definitely gonna use it. I'll be mostly alone during my recovery, so whenever I need to get up for whatever reason, I'm going to get other stuff done at the same time, like toilet breaks, snacks, drinks and so forth. I'm glad you healed up quickly especially by how bad it was, I hope you're doing well now! Also when you said your fiancé carried you into the ER I imagined something like from a soap opera or a drama!

Top 15 Weight Loss Myths

There are many common weight loss myths that people live by when it comes to their health. It is difficult at times to separate the weight loss myths and fact from what is true. Many sound true while others are just laughable. I once read somewhere that if you drink water at night that you are going to gain weight or that if you scratch your head too often you are going to lose your hair....

Weight Loss Myth # 1 The more weight that I have to lose the more intense my exercise routine should be

Weight Loss Truth: Although having an intense workout routine is great, there are a few things you should consider: the first being that everyone is at a different level when it comes to their fitness and how much intensity they can actually handle. If you have been physically inactive for a number of years, an intense work out for you might be, walking half a mile a day. After you walk that half mile you notice that you are sweating bullets and that you are tired. However, for someone who has been physically active for many years, walking half a mile can be done without a sweat. Everyone has a different definition of what "intense" is.

If intense for you is working out for an hour a day, but due to life's busy schedule you only have time for 20 minutes a day, then those 20 minutes will go an extremely long way. It might not necessarily be classified as "intense", according to your definition, but those little cardio moments will have positive health altering effects.

Fat Loss Myth # 2 Stress and weight gain do not go hand in hand

Weight Loss Fact: This is one of those "laughable" myths. To learn more how stress is adding lbs. to your life please download my free E-Book, "Psychology of Releasing Weight"

Weight Loss Myth # 3 I can lose weight while eating whatever I want

Weight Loss Truth: Sir Isaac Newton once said " What goes up must come down." There are natural principles that govern our lives. If you throw a ball up in the air, it is going to come back down. You can sit on your couch and imagine and visualize that the ball will staying afloat in the air, but natural principles teach us that it will come down. Same goes when it comes to our weight.

This is one of the most common weight loss myths out there. It is illogical to think that your health and weight are going to be in balance if your nutrition consists mainly of twinkies, chips, and donuts. Sure you can burn it off by exercising, but most people whose diet consists of mainly junk food are probably not disciplined enough to stick to a workout routine. I do know a few people who, from the outside, look like they are in good shape, because they are not "fat, but who have high cholesterol.

Just because I feel sorry for crushing the hearts of so many twinkie lovers out there, I would say this. You can eat junk food, cookies, chips, ice cream, pizza, burgers.... All of those "soul satisfying foods", but it should be in moderation. Anything in excess is never good.

Fat Loss Myth # 4 Skipping meals is a good way to lose weight

Weight Loss Fact: There are numerous studies that show that people who skip breakfast and eat fewer times during the day tend to be a lot heavier than who have a healthy nutritional breakfast and then eat 4-6 small meals during the day. The reason to this might be the fact that they get hungrier later on in the day, and might have a tendency to over eat during other meals of the day.

Weight Loss Myth # 5 I will not lose weight while eating at night

Weight Loss Truth: You can over indulge in food during the day and not eat a single thing at night and you WILL gain weight. As is the fact that you can starve yourself during the day and eat all night long and you still will gain weight. The key here is balance. If your body is telling you that it is hungry then perhaps you should listen to it. The truth is, that over eating, while not exercising, will cause you to gain weight; no matter what time of the day that you eat. Whenever I am hungry at night, as is my habit with other meals during the day, I try to select something that is natural in nature. Something like fruits, vegetables, or I might even make myself a fruit smoothie. During those moments that I am craving ice cream or something sweet, I allow myself to get some, and DO NOT feel guilty about it. Many people who are overweight live their life in guilt and shame. I allow myself to get some, however, WITH MODERATION.

Fat Loss Myth # 6 I'm not acceptable until I lose weight

Weight Loss Fact: The person who doesn't feel acceptable because they are fat is because they are not acceptable to themselves first. The way that you think others view you is based on your view of yourself. I honestly believe that one must become emotionally fit before becoming physically fit. I have gone through these self-limiting emotions before. Once I realized that I was ALREADY ENOUGH in the eyes of God and that I had no need to prove myself to anyone or to receive external validation for my self-worth, that made all the difference for me. Once you accept yourself as who you are RIGHT NOW and realize that you are already enough in the eyes of God, you will not feel like you are not acceptable because of your weight.

Weight Loss Myth # 7 I need to cut calories to lose weight faster

Weight Loss Truth: Cutting your calories down might be a great thing, if you are drastically overeating and stuffing your face. However, if you are eating proportionally then cutting calories might have an aversive affect. If you are cutting calories and are starving your body, then that will lower your metabolism, or in other words slow it down, which may result in you actually not losing any weight at all, even if you are "cutting calories"

Fat Loss Myth # 8 Skipping meals will help me lose weight

Weight Loss Fact: Skipping meals may actually cause you to gain weight! You will become too hungry and will eventually have to eat. This will knock your metabolism off track and will eventually slow it down. Think of a car running low on gas (food), if you do not fill it up, it will eventually stop working. Same goes for our body, we need to keep it fueled constantly.

Weight Loss Myth # 9 I think I have genetic weight gain, it runs in my family!

Weight Loss Truth: Can someone say E-X-C-U-S-E-S? I will not deny that there might be tendencies for heavy parents to raise heavy children who will remain heavy their whole lives, but I don't believe that there is actually a "fat" gene or DNA out there. What we do inherit from our family, primarily those who directly raised us, are our views and beliefs. Your views about food, money, religion, politics, education, etc. are based upon how you were raised. If you were raised in a home where the primary meals cooked where fried foods, then you might have a tendency to continue cooking and eating fried foods throughout your life. If that is the case then you might be a little heavy around the waist. The easy thing to do is to blame it on those who were in charge of your upbringing, however, you ALWAYS have a choice to change.

Fat Loss Myth # 10 Eating healthy is too hard

Weight Loss Fact: Eating healthy is the simplest thing in the world.....once you have trained yourself to do it. How many times have you placed a goal to lose weight or to "eat better"? The first few days you are doing great, eating all kinds of foods which you normally wouldn't eat. Then something funny started to happen, you went back to your old habits and behaviors. This has happened to you in other areas outside of your health. It could be with making money, looking for a new job, or in your relationships. Creating a new habit takes time because our brain's do not like change. Change to the brain is dangerous. Anyways, if you would like to learn more about how our brain attempts to sabotage us from creating new habits then please download my free E-book, "Psychology of Releasing Weight"

Weight Loss Myth # 11 You have to give up your favorite foods to lose weight

Weight Loss Truth: What would a world without chocolate and without pepperoni pizza be like??? I think it would be a torturous world to live in!! lol, now on a real note I completely disagree with this myth. You are definitely able to eat your favorite foods. Depriving yourself of this kind of pleasure is not fun, and quite frankly you probably WILL eat it anyways. As has been mentioned before, the real key is moderation. If you are a steak lover, then perhaps it might not be the best things to eat it every single day, but perhaps once or twice a week. Those who know me personally know that I LOOOOOOOOVE chicken wings with pizza. In a perfect world where I wouldn't gain any weight and my arteries were clog-less, I would love to eat it several times per week, well more like every day. However, I know that those aren't the healthiest of food choices so I have it about 2-3 times per month. I am not giving up my favorite foods, I am just eating it in moderation so that it doesn't catch up to me in the form of excess weight.

Fat Loss Myth # 12 Overeating is caused by hunger

Weight Loss Fact: Nice try there. If only we could blame "hunger" for it. In fact, this person we call hunger has nothing to do with you OVEREATING. It might have something to do your body telling you that it is time to "fuel up" and that it needs food, but that is not an indication that one should overeat. What causes many people to overeat are different reasons. One of the main ones is feeling of stress, depression, loneliness, anxiety, fear, and other down grading emotions of that nature. Many times food can be a means of satisfying your needs. You might be actually getting your needs met through your foods. For example, if you live a lonely life, and aren't very happy, then food could perhaps be a means of you feeling happy and comforted. There are other articles that I have written on this subject but suffice it to say that overeating is NOT cause by being hungry.

Weight Loss Myth # 13 Only drastic diets work

Weight Loss Truth: There goes that word again...DIEt....those "drastic diets" are only good for quick weight loss and rapid weight gain once you get of it. These drastic diets range from the "cookie diet", lol.... All that way to "the water only diet"..... I am sure you can lose weight while on these DIEts, however the weight will be gained right back and usually with some added weight as a bonus

Fat Loss Myth # 14 I am too fat and too far down the road to begin

Weight Loss Fact: A long journey begins one step at a time. It is natural to expect instantaneous results and to even fear the road ahead of you; especially if you are extremely overweight. The secret here is to make SMALL incremental changes. Don't expect perfection because that will lead you to disappointment. You are never too far down the road to where you cannot see the sun's light......

Weight Loss Myth # 15 I can't do it, I have tried many times and have failed

Weight Loss Truth: The great Henry Ford once said "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't- you're right.'"......It is 90% mindset, and 10% actually getting off your butt and doing something about it. You fall down, you get back up.... you fall down again, you get back up again. If you have tried to lose weight in the past then it is time to keep trying. Discouragment is to losing weight as is a piece of fried chicken to a vegetarian......they DO NOT go hand in hand.

Click here for more information:   https://linktr.ee/ray5244

Chuck Cook-USA TODAY Sports

Time to Barn Hard

Here we go... With under 24 hours until the kickoff of Auburn’s 2020 season, the luminaries here at College & Magnolia offer their sage opinions on what Tiger fans will see tomorrow afternoon. Most of us see a close contest destined to give us that all too familiar fall Saturday heartburn but there are a few brave souls who are prepared to barn hard no matter what.

Auburn (-7.5) vs Kentucky (O/U 49.5)

2019 Auburn fans won’t recognize 2020 Auburn. Bo Nix is going to take a huge leap forward. His receivers are healthy for game one. Our fearless leader has finally found someone he trusts enough to manage playcalling duties. The defense will reload with All-Conference (and maybe All-American) talent. A talented (and deep!) group of hard-hitting running backs. Pre-season optimism has overwhelmed pre-game jitters for me. Look for Chad Morris to show off all his weapons Saturday. He has a tendency to put up a lot of points in his first game at a new school. Brace yourselves, Wildcats. Let’s barn hard, yall.

Auburn 48

Kentucky 14

-Josh Dub

I was talking with a friend of my wife’s the other day and she asked how I thought Auburn would do. I was raised by an old school Auburn fan who taught me to sandbag and say that we were just hoping that everyone buckled their chin straps correctly and that they just had fun out there. That was met with my wife telling her, I always do this. I responded by saying that I just lower the bar so that, when they win by 40 in a game I don’t expect, I get the rush of being a kid again and genuinely happy when Auburn wins.

That said! HERE WE GO!

Auburn has got stars everywhere on the outside and in the backfield but a bunch of green horns on the starting line on offense, so IF Chad Morris (or Gus if he is still calling the plays) can use quick screens and....this route called a slant...to hide the fact that the Auburn offensive line will look a lot like the French army circa 1938, then they might buy a few chances for Anders to kick some field goals.

On defense, you don’t lose D Brown and Marlon and get better. You probably don’t maintain the production you had last year on the D-Line. You can get back there, but that takes time and experience. That said, I am a bit more bullish on the defense as a whole. There is a ton of talent to go around on the line and the secondary and the Linebackers may be the best in the conference. Once again, the defense will keep Auburn in every game for the most part. And that new line will be tested against a really well coached, running offense that Kentucky brings to the Plains.

I love what Mark Stoops has been able to build in Lexington, and sort of done what Matt Campbell has done at Iowa State, that team you just don’t want to see cause they are scrappy and will take advantage of your mistakes. On the betting lines, I am staying away from this one with spendy cashy monies but with fakey non-existant moneies, I love the Cats getting a touchdown and a hook because I see this one being in the 3-4 range with Auburn probably winning, just based on history and going with my heart, but I could totally see Kentucky pulling this off as well.

Gimme Auburn over Kentucky 27-24 and the defense had to get a late stop to seal this one away. Nothing like a late missed FG to start that stomach ulcer.

(betting pick: UK and the points, Over at 51)

-Drew Mac

Auburn *should* win this game. Auburn *should* have the talent advantage. But hey, this is 2020. Who knows what havoc Covid will have wrought on install for any given team.

That being said, I trust Bo Nix’s development as a true sophomore. I think this Auburn team, while still going through some growing pains, will finally start to hit on explosive plays with a veteran WR corps. This Kentucky defense is not the one that one 10 games two years ago.

The only way things go sideways is if the retooled defensive line can’t stop the Kentucky ground game, which is an extremely valid concern. The Wildcats have three returning backs who combined for 1,900 yards and 18 TDs while sharing the spotlight with Lynn Bowden Jr last year, and Terry Wilson is no slouch. I think the Auburn linebackers are going to have to earn their keep as best LB group in the SEC here in week 1.

Auburn takes this one with some big plays through the air and a defense that bucks up in the second half. 27-13 Auburn.

-Ryan Sterritt

I’m a huge proponent of playing a patsy in week 1. In a normal season fall camp doesn’t really give a complete picture of how an offensive line communicates in real time, how well the quarterback has his timing down with his receivers, if the tailback has fumbling problems, mike linebacker being able to switch the defensive alignment based on tendencies, etc. etc. But if you can’t play a patsy I’m a huge proponent of playing a top 10 team who will keep you engaged without distractions leading up to kickoff and will tell you so much about where you can go from here. What you don’t want is a trap game in week 1.

Folks what we have here is a trap game in week 1.

We’re 14 points better than Kentucky. I genuinely believe that. Talent wise and coaching we’re at least 2 scores better than this football team at home. And it does not matter one bit thanks to COVID.

I am so concerned over what we’re going to look like out there considering how many guys were held out at various points of our extended fall camp thanks to COVID. Which wouldn’t be as big of a deal in a normal year, even though it would still be a big deal, but OH YEAH WE HAD NO SPRING PRACTICE. So in keeping with my tradition of being absolutely God awful at Barnin’ Hard, this tiger ain’t changing his stripes for this one.

Keys to victory:

- Stop a Kentucky ground attack with a defensive line that is fully capable of plugging the gaps and have your linebackers make plays in space. This will only work if our corners, who will be in a lot of one on one situations, make plays. Jaylin Simpson is the guy that will get picked on, and this is a fine opportunity for the redshirt freshman to get thrown into the deep end to see if he’ll sink or swim in his first meaningful snaps. If he can hold his own, we’re in good shape.

- Establish an intermediate passing attack early in this game. Keep their defense off balance early on the offensive script and allow Bo Nix and an offensive line that will struggle but has a higher ceiling than that of the last 2 seasons gain some confidence early.

- Get the fastest player in all of college football 10 touches/targets for the day. This one may appear in all 10 entries of “Keys to Victory” for our schedule this year. Scheme to get Anthony Schwartz the ball in multiple ways. And then scheme off of it to get other players in positions to be in favorable coverages.

- Rotate your running backs in a way that makes sense instead of giving the “guy with the hot hand” 25 carries. This running back room is deeper and more talented than it has been since the healthy parts of 2016/2017 for Pettway and KJ. Give these guys a chance to punish Kentucky’s defense with fresh legs for 4 quarters. Make them hate playing us.

- Oh, and finally, get some sound sleep and show up alert for an 11 AM kickoff. I don’t need to explain to any of you why this is obviously something we should all worry over.

All in all I think being at home does matter, despite 20,000 people in the stands. Traveling in these uncertain times has to account for something, right?

Auburn 27 Kentucky 21

-Josh Black

If the first few weeks of football are any indication, I’m expecting some low scoring sloppy games on Saturday. And while Auburn’s rivals have essentially “warmup games” to start their season, Auburn will play another ranked opponent in Week 1. That’s JABA right?

Anyways, I’m really excited to see this group of Running Backs led by Captain Shaun Shivers this season. I’m really excited to see Shaun get the opportunity to start and it’ll be interesting to see how many carries he and the rest of the RBs get on Saturday. This is an experienced receiving corps too led by Seth Williams, “Flash” Anthony Schwartz and veteran Eli Stove.

The biggest question to me (other than the offensive line) will be the defensive line as it’s hard replacing Derrick Brown and Marlon Davidson. And we can all hope for better O-Line play this season and a more mature Bo Nix as he enters Year 2 as the starting QB.

As I said earlier, I’m thinking this is a low-scoring game and I’m a bit concerned about this one, with the 11AM kick and all but I’ll take Auburn in a close one.

Auburn 17 Kentucky 14

-Will McLaughlin

I firmly believe Auburn has a significant talent advantage at the skill positions in this matchup. Yes the Cats have an athletic QB, a strong stable of backs, intriguing WRs and a surprisingly good secondary but across the board I’ll take Auburn. However, it won’t matter if the Tigers lose the line of scrimmage battle which is way more likely than any of us wanna imagine.

As you have probably read, heard, seen by now, Kentucky has one of the best offensive lines in the country. This isn’t a group made up of 3-star kids with heart. Left tackle Landon Young was a 5-star recruit. Center Drake Jackson was a 4-star ranked as a top 150 player. Future NFLer Darian Kinnard was a 4-star recruit as well. This is both an experienced AND talented front who enjoy physically beating the hell out of their opponents. Everyone in the world knew that a run play was likely coming last fall and it rarely mattered. While I trust Rodney Garner & Kevin Steele to rebuild this front 4 for the Tigers, I am concerned about them being ready to go week 1. Even with Derrick Brown and Marlon Davidson last year, Oregon pushed around the Tigers for one half. This UK OL is of the same calibre and it wouldn’t shock me if they came out the gate with similar success.

Then there’s the other side of the ball where the UK return plenty of experience of a solid front 7. However, they were actually pretty porous against the run last fall allowing over 5 yards a carry against SEC competition. The problem is I am not sure if Auburn is ready to take advantage. In most years, when I see a defense susceptible to the run, I expect an AU victory that borders on dominant. I just don’t know if the Tigers though will be ready to go on Saturday.

That’s why Anders Carlson will be the x-factor. I think Auburn’s offense will look disjointed but generate enough explosive plays to get into UK territory consistently. They don’t put the ball in the end zone as much as we would like but Anders knocks through 4 big kicks. The defense rebounds from a rough first quarter to limit the UK offense to only 2 touchdowns on the day. Auburn recovers a late onside kick to escape with a hard won victory.

Auburn 26 Kentucky 20

-AU Nerd

Auburn at 11am.

Auburn in season openers.

Auburn as favorites vs hungry teams.

Yuck. I am finding it hard to Barn as hard...——record scratch—-

(The boys are back in town starts playing)

Just kidding!

The Boys are back!

Guys we are gonna kill em.

Auburn 34- Kats 24

-Son of Crow

Most of the time I have some idea of what to expect. There’s a gut feeling, an inkling, an intuition. Even days when I publicly avow a big win, and we end up losing, I realize that I knew it deep in my soul. This time, I have nothing. I guess that’s what 2020 will do to a man. I can’t pick this game with my heart or my gut, so I have to go with the limited knowledge that we’ve been able to glean from the practice fields. Somehow, Gus has kept it tighter than usual this season. He’s keeping spies, leaks, and COVID out of the fold.

It’s not a big secret that Auburn’s level of talent is superior across the board, but Kentucky might have the mix of experience to go along with its skill to make this a very scary opening contest. We’ve heard that the Wildcats’ lines are both going to be solid, and that gives us a flashback of what the Oregon offense was able to do for about a half last year in Arlington. Auburn can’t afford a slow start on Saturday, because we’ll be breaking in a new offensive line. Now, that might not be the worst thing in the world — our line last year was nothing much to write home about — but they started to get better down the stretch. That said, this year’s group might be more maulers than linemen. Sometimes you just need some dudes being guys up front to push people around. We might have that, thus the run game could come to life with a much more talented group in the backfield. Not to mention, Bo Nix’s sophomore development with a true quarterback coach could be something unparalleled.

Kentucky will give us a fight, but there’s no way I’m picking us to lose this game. It’ll probably be close, and uncomfortably so for a while I’d wager. Still, the home “crowd” and the overall talent win out in the end. I think someone else mentioned Anders Carlson being a weapon in this one, and I agree. I think he hits 3 kicks and Auburn scores 3 touchdowns. Tigers 30-21.

-Jack Condon

In our preseason predictions I pegged this as one of the three games that Auburn could lose, and had it at the top of my list as the one I’m most worried about. That may seem weird, but we really just have no clue how any team, including our own is going to look on Saturday. We’ve all seen how bad some of these other teams already playing have looked, and I guess people think that there’s no way their own team could look that bad, but I’m not so sure. That said, I believe this Auburn team has all the components necessary to be better than last season and thus easily handle a Kentucky team that is, well they’re Kentucky. The new look offense should give an older, more seasoned Bo Nix a chance to throw some higher percentage passes, we have an SEC caliber stable of running backs for the first time in a couple of seasons, and presumably a fully healthy group of receivers. The new-look offensive line doesn’t concern me at all, because, well, I’ve lived through the last two seasons. At this point Kevin Steele and co. have earned my utmost confidence that the defense will pick up right where they left off.

Tigers 37 - Cats 12

-AU Chief

Man alive I wish I wasn’t so worried about this. Kentucky is well coached. They know what they are, and they don’t try to do things outside their comfort zone. Their strengths could cause problems for us. And yet, Auburn has more talent. 2020 is going to be a weird year, but I think having better athletes is going to win out more often than not, because teams are going to have to keep things simple. I like everything I’m hearing out of fall camp. I still don’t know about that line though. I could see a backdoor cover for UK where Auburn has to recover an onside kick to clinch things. I could see a front door cover for Auburn putting the game away late. I’ll stay on the safe side.

Auburn 24

Kentucky 17

(Auburn wins, UK covers; under)

-James Jones

from College and Magnolia - All Posts https://www.collegeandmagnolia.com/2020/9/25/21456468/staff-picks-8-auburn-vs-23-kentucky

“This is a bad show and yet....” The UFC Blachowicz vs Anderson Fight Night  Preview

Joey

February 10th, 2020

A week after chaos and controversy in Texas, we stay in the Southwest as the UFC heads to Rio Rancho, New Mexico for a little bit of a weird ass fight card. The UFC has a tendency to just put together shows in weird locations to fill their schedule and a show from the Santa Ana Star Center in New Mexico sort of just fits that mold with a very blegh card. There's good fights on here but for some reason, most of them lurk on the prelims while the main card is pretty much a big ball of fluff and weird Jackson-Wink style matchups. Corey Anderson vs Jan Blachowicz is a fine enough headliner I GUESS while Diego Sanchez vs Michel Perreira is one of those fights you have a morbid curiosity for live but eventually will turn to disgust once it happens. Names like Jim Miller, Scott Holtzman, Ray Borg and John Dodson lurk on the prelims if you're willing to dig around for them and any card with Tim Means on it probably warrants viewing. IF ANYTHING it feels like this card is really a more painful reminder of the downfall of Jackson-Wink and how most of the name fighters they've relied upon have either left, retired or fallen off the map completely. It's a dying gym and it's sort of brutal to see it go this route even if you found Greg Jackson and Mike WInklejohn to come off as perhaps arrogant and condescending at their peak. Either way, there's live fights and I'll be here so it's my duty to settle in, strap up and get ready to guide us through what is a very weird helter skelter-y fight night from New Mexico.

2020 Stat-O-Matic:

Debuting Fighters (3-2): Daniel Rodriguez, Brok Weaver Main Event Exemption:

Short Notice Fighters (2-2): DeQuan Townsend, Daniel Rodriguez Main Event Exemption:

Second Fight (2-2): Rodrigo Vargas Main Event Exemption: Vs Debutantes: Rodrigo Vargas

Cage Corrosion (Fighters who have not fought within a year of the date of the fight) (5-0):  Yancy Medeiros Main Event Exemption (1-0):

Undefeated Fighters (2-4):   Main Event Exemption (0-1):

Fighters with at least four fights in the UFC with 0 wins over competition still in the organization (2-1): Mark De La Rosa, Tim Means Main Event Exemption:

Weight Class Jumpers (Fighters competing outside of the weight class of their last fight even if they’re returning BACK to their “normal weight class”) (1-3): Ray Borg, Dequan Townsend Main Event Exemption ():

Twelve Precarious Ponderings

1- So does this main event not matter anymore? Regardless of how you might've felt about Corey Anderson and his streaking success or Jan Blachowicz's second half career resurgence, the fact of the matter was that IF Jones beat Reyes convincingly like most expected then Jones vs the winner of this fight felt like a lock for July or August. Consider that the UFC originally brought up the idea of Jones vs Jan in MSG to both camps but Jon passed on it or requested a new deal for it or whatever the case. Corey Anderson has some semblance of heat to him these days after smelting Johnny Walker and trying to develop or rabble up some sort of counter UFC fanbase. This WAS a #1 contender fight in theory but now? Is anybody going to want to see any fight at 205 lbs BESIDES Jones vs Reyes 2? I'm betting that's going to be a hard no. Now it is worth remembering that Jones once turned down Gus 2 (which the UFC thought would be a 1 million buy PPV) so that Glover Teix could get a title shot. This is also the UFC's rise of the champions era where champions can dictate their opponents. That said I bet it's going to be borderline riot territory if the UFC goes with the winner of this fight over a Reyes rematch.

2- The first fight featured a ton of wrasslin' as Jan couldn't stop Corey Anderson takedowns to save his life. The problem repeated itself vs Pat Cummins as well. This has been LESS of a problem for Jan since hitting this insane run he's been on since the Cummins' fight but Anderson hasn't gotten worse as a wrestler and if anything he's rounded out some of the holes in his game as a striker. Feels like a toughie for Jan to win BUT if Jan can take solace in anything, it's that Anderson has been KO'd twice since that fight and got his head bounced off the turf by Shogun Rua in a contested split decision loss. Jan also has rediscovered his kicking game which has been the catalyst for this renaissance run. There's some intrigue here but in all likelihood, this is Bader vs top 10 LHW territory where he can outgrapple dudes en route to the eventual fight with a big hitter who sleeps him.

3- Who WOULD win in a fight between Ryan Bader vs Corey Anderson?

4- Is it fair to just want Diego vs Michel to happen just so you can say you saw it happen?

5- At the risk of opening myself to critique and sassafrass, the main card fight I'm MOST looking forward to is Mara Romero vs Montana de la Rosa. I still think there's plenty of upside for Montana de la Rosa as she's very young but also pretty experienced with a 3-1 UFC record and a sole loss to Andrea Lee who is pretty good. She's got some discomfort on her feet that makes me worried about the ceiling but her grappling, positional awareness and fluidity is well worth seeing if it develops. For Mara Romero, I'm just sort of not sure what she is as a fighter. She debuted, upset the Titan FC bantamweight champ in her UFC debut, lost a close fight to Katlyn Chookagian, upset an undefeated Brazilian prospect in Brazil and then got swamped by Lauren Murphy in her next fight. Like Montana de la Rosa, there's a clear lack of comfort on the feet for extended periods of time but when the fight hits the mat, she's a lot of fun to watch usually. Kinda digging this fight on paper.

6- Jim Miller vs Scott Holtzman is weird because this is a fight that both guys tend to find a way to lose. Miller rolls into this one on a modest two fight winning streak which means he's one more kinda good mid tier guy away from getting thrust into a violence fight vs some sort of stylistic nightmare. Holtzman is still riding his "look great one fight, shit the next" rollercoaster as he comes into this one off violent smelting of Dong Hyung Ma after a loss to Nik Lentz after violently finishing Alan Patrick. So much of Holtzman's game seems to be broken down by whether or not he is "in" the fight after the first round since he seems incapable of grinding out those close brutal fights, especially when he doesn't have a pronounced strength advantage. Chances are this one ends poorly for Miller (who was rocked by Clay Guida twice in a minute) but this is Jim Miller and we are obligated to root for a dude who fought for years with lyme disease and had no idea.

7- Lando Vannata vs Yancy Medeiros in a battle of guys who can best be described as violent enhancement talent should be fun. It's worth remembering that fighters who have taken a year or more off and come back are at a ROUSING 5-0 in the early stages of 2020 and Medeiros hasn't fought since Jan of last year.

8- If Ray Borg makes weight, he's got a REALLY winnable fight against Rogerio Bontorin who is super powerful and hits hard but doesn't bring much else to the dance. How quickly can Borg ascend up the ranks with a win?

9- A bit ago,  @theanticool  and I discussed the plight of Jon Dodson; a super athlete who probably should've rounded out his game more en route to what is now the end of his athletic peak and the start of what would be the crafty veteran portion of his career except I don't think he's particularly crafty. Powerful? For sure. Still plenty fast? Yep. Lacking a change up to his game? Feels pretty evident. Dodson has a chance to pretty much stem the tide of irrelevancy against Nate Wood in another one of those low key great bantamweight fights. Wood was/is a bit of a wild man all action fighter but since coming into the UFC, he's settled down a bit and really refined his game to the tune of a 3-0 record all by stoppage. He's less frenetic, smarter and looks like a dude benefitting from UFC paychecks where he can probably train more/better. Wood vs Dodson should be awesome and especially in the first round where I can see Wood having trouble if Dodson comes out hot early.

10- I'm still not off the Macy Chiasson bandwagon but this fight with Nicco Montano is going to be pretty damn important for her. Nicco got off to a really strong start in her bantamweight debut vs Julianna Pena before she tired out or got sucked into prolonged grappling exchanges or whatever happened. I still think her weight class is down 10 lbs but she's got the stuff to really challenge Chiasson. This feels like a case of two women living in two opposite weight classes and having to meet in the middle to be honest.

11- Speaking of Nicco, she went from the first ever women's flyweight champion to the follow up fight to the curtain jerker. That's tough.

12- I've been a pretty damn bad judge of talent off of the Contender's Series but I really think that Brok Weaver is going to be a big time bust.

4.7.20

I’m feeling motivated to make today day 1 of 3 weeks of getting myself accountable/on track with my eating. I’ve been maintaining my 141 lb body (give or take a few pounds) for 5 weeks now. It’s good that I’ve been maintaining, as opposed to gaining. But I don’t want it to be 2 more months from now and I’m still at the same weight. I’m 2/3 away from my first goal weight (130). I do think these 10 lbs will end up being significant with how I look and how I feel. I’m hoping it does decrease my breast size from a double DD to a D. That would be so great. 10 lbs isn’t a huge amount to lose and I know I can do it. But if I keep this maintainable approach I’ve been doing, of eating on track/not out of control half of the time and eating off track the other half of the time, then maintaince is what I’m accepting.

I want to see how I’ll feel at 130. Will I be comfortable enough in my body? Would my back pain lessen greatly? I’m assuming I would have to wait 3-6 months of maintaining 130 or less to see if it affects my back pain, which is frustrating and even a bit scary. What if I was wrong this whole time, what if I really do have to live with this for the rest of my life and decreasing my breast size doesn’t work? Will I aim to hit 115/120, even though it’s not a natural set point for me, just to get to a C cup? Regardless of the what if’s, I need to make this happen. I’m on the cusp of potentionally getting to the weight I was in high school, when I didn’t have back pain and had size D breasts. It’s kinda bizarre to think 5-10 pounds could be all I need to get back to a normal body. I don’t have a lot of hope. But I have a sliver, and I need to try/see.

Aurgh it’s hard as fuck when your main squick is something that’s popular with like, almost every other human being ever, and is intended to be one of those safe everyday conversations you can have with both intimate friends and complete strangers. Where it’s supposed to be a thing that humanity uses as a uniting, welcoming, bonding force... but to me it’s just... a really uncomfortable reminder of a host of bad things.

I’m talking food here.

Food conversations often make me feel uncomfortable. Vastly uncomfortable. There’s an intricate set of conditions for which conversations I’m fine with and which will bother me, but no one except me is going to know all that minuteness. Point is: food conversations, food socialization, it’s everywhere. And it’s so hard to handle. Because i know everyone wants to be nice and they’re reaching out to me, but every time they do that kind gesture, it’s alienating and disturbing me more. And so 9 times out of 10, I put on a polite face and humor them because I don’t want to hurt them. I don’t let them know it bothers me. 

Dudes I am like, always trying to minimize my discomfort for others, because I know it’s impractical to act otherwise.

Which means I’m constantly living in a state of internally squirming.

Let’s be clear: I am someone who’s pretty comfortable giving feedback to friends, talking back and forth about what does/doesn’t work between us. I’m not someone socially anxious at approaching topics like these. I’m FINE telling friends, “Hey, I don’t like X, how about we do Y?” But just... food’s an impossible battle, dudes, and you can’t do it to complete strangers, to EVERYONE you meet, to EVERY circumstance you go through... it’s just... it’s a losing battle and I’d rather be polite and not make others feel uncomfortable, than constantly jut out to no good result.

For like. The one time out of ten I ask people (usually close friends) to avoid food-related actions and conversations, it’s a roll of the dice whether or not their behavior changes, even when they don’t complain “That makes it hard to talk to you!” Usually the confiding conversation changes little. Even when they’re trying to do something. 

The problem is that food reminds me I’m socially ostracized, and it reminds me of a lot of the mental illness and self-care issues I’ve chronically had in my life. In fact, food is a really good symbol of everywhere I just STRUGGLE so like, yeah, surprise surprise, I hate hearing and talking about it and stuff.

So like. Number one. I have Celiac Disease. I got diagnosed as an infant (praise God) and have lived a strict gluten free diet my entire life, even before most people knew what the word meant or knew the word existed. I have pride for being a Celiac, but I don’t like what the social impacts are. I learned to turn down food offered to me. Which is like. A lot of the time, dudes. Humans bond through food. But growing up without food bonding is....... yeah wow, dudes, apparently it messes you up, who knew.

1. You gotta turn down the dinner invitations for people who want to cook for you, knowing they’ll have nooooo idea how to prepare safe gluten-free friendly foods. Or, you don’t want to be a Drastic Social Burden(TM) that’s difficult to prepare for (because there’s so much RESEARCH they’d have to do, and so much I’d have to DOUBLE CHECK for them, just to make sure I could eat one fucking cupcake). So any time there’s a social gathering around dinner that isn’t going to a restaurant, it turns into a major cringe reaction for me, wishing that this hangout were literally ANY other time of day.

Mealtimes, which everyone else uses as a way to bond with one another in a positive, delightful way... are one of the Biggest Ways to make me feel alienated, uncomfortable, socially burdensome, on edge. Instead of making me feel included, I feel all the more aware I’m the odd one out. During the times people *DO* actually cook gluten free for me, I feel an unending wave of gratefulness piled on social burden, because they had to go out of their fucking way to figure this out, due to the problematic nature of me having strict dietary restrictions.

2. You know how often food gets offered to you as gifts? I have to constantly turn down those gifts. I already lack gift giving abilities; turning down gifts is socially cumbersome but something I’m always waiting to have to do. Instead of ever feeling grateful someone offered me something (I know they mean well), I have to ruin the moment by asking to see the packaging for the ingredients list, or saying “no”. And someone saying “I’d love to cook for you!” just makes me think “oh god oh god oh god NO. please NO.”

3. Really fun hanging out with friends and “Let’s go eat” and you have to veto 3/4 of the restaurants they want to go to because you can’t eat there. Frankly, I often succumb to “Pick what you want, I’ll figure something out for me.” My friends don’t like that and insist to include me (food bonding [sigh]) but yeahhhh, I like to wimp out on that rather than bother.

4. Oh hi guess what it also goes into being left out of religious experiences like church communions. Until larger churches started offering gluten free wafers to replace bread... if I wanted to be included in communion... I either had to whisper something to the pastor before she gave me bread, or I’d have to give her my gluten free bread ahead of time so she could give it to me specially (this is what my mom did for me, who always tried to make me feel included as a little kid... bake me my own cakes for birthday parties... arrange this stuff with the church... what have you). And let’s not get started on the awkward conversations I had when friends invited me to seder and I had to do a lot of make-sure-ing there too.

5. Okay guys you know how COMMON it is for people to text you food pictures? Look what I made. This is my dinner. What have you. How that will IMMEDIATELY set off my discomfort??? But if I don’t respond, I’ll get a text half an hour later, “Hey, did you see my concoction?” 

6. Ngl this makes me 300000x more nervous if I have to do any food-related hosting event. Even if it’s “bring something to the potluck!” it throws me into so much distress. Now *I* have to pick food for *someone else*, when I live in a world where no one knows how to pick food for me. It makes me uncertain what to bring, what’s acceptable to bring, etc. I mean, I guess the one thing I have going for me is I make sure I bring stuff ANY person of ANY diet can eat, but like... there’s so much social discomfort. I get even more uncomfortable at the thought of trying to cook meals for people (doesn’t help I can’t cook to save my life) or hosting social events with snacks in them (ex: movie nights). 

THERE IS A REASON I DEFAULT TO “HEY WHO WANTS TO GO OUT TO DINNER, I’LL PAY!!!!” it’s the one non-uncomfortable way I can show my love to my friends, while dealing with a physical need I know they have (hunger). It’s not the “best” bonding way, but I try to minimize those experiences, get out of them, but like... if I’m offering to buy you dinner, THIS IS ***THE*** BEST I CAN DO AND I AM DESPERATE TO DO IT BECAUSE IT IS THE ***ONLY*** WAY I CAN FOOD BOND WITH YOU AND I KNOW YOU NEED THAT.

On and on and on and on and on. 

Like, on its own, living with Celiac is damn EASY. It’s not hard to cook and eat gluten free meals. But it’s the interaction with all the other human beings, who default to eating gluten-filled meals, and trying to get me in on the socialization of gluten-filled meals... that makes it so problematic to navigate. And means I’m constantly feeling socially........ jutting out. Square peg in round hole phenomenon.

But it’s not just the fact that everyone else grew up bonding with food and meals... and I was separated out and couldn’t bond. 

Uarghghghg it’s not just Celiac. Celiac is simple. Celiac is normal. I’m 100% chill with the fact I have it, and I actually get angry when people suggest it’s something that should be “cured.” Fuck you dudes, I’m normal, I’m healthy, my life is great, it’s not my fault you like wheat and think I should like it too. 

But. Where things get really emotionally hairy. It’s that food is a pinnacle of my non-neurotypical issues. I forever screwed up my diet in college when I got so depressed I quit eating regularly and lost something like 10-15 lb (which was... like... 10% of my body weight, yiiiiikes). It became this... self-imposed contest... where I tried to skip as many meals as possible. It became a Rule that I didn’t eat Sundays. It took years for me to eat 2-3 meals a day again. And it forever impacted the health of what I ate. I have really baaaaaad diet.

And diet is always the first thing to get impacted when I have a depression-y spell. It’s the hardest thing for me to get in control to try to take care of myself. I’m CONSTANTLY struggling to take care of myself even during my happy periods, when it comes to food, and so you can only imagine what happens to my diet when I’m in my many bad spells. Food represents the constant struggle, the constant inability for me to function. It sometimes feels like the symbol of my mental illness. It’s a battle I am constantly, constantly, constantly, constantly fighting. I’m fighting to get ONE meal a week that I’ve fucking cooked for myself. I’m fighting to eat things that could be called “meals” at all (don’t worry, I get my calories and shit in, I eat very regularly, I snack all the fucking time, I’m not underfed, I’m fiiiiiine, it’s just not... good nutritional value, and it relies heavily on restaurants or non-scratch non-recipe items). 

And when food is the epitome of so many bad things - inability to fit in socially, inability to take care of myself, a memory of times when I collapsed psychologically my freshman year of college and went into eating disorder mode... like dudes, I’m sorry, I’m not going to enjoy photos of your macaroni and cheese you texted me. It’s going to make me go into instant Red Flag Mental Mode where I’m thinking about nothing except constant internal battles I fight.

And yet.

Oh goodie.

Food is The Go To socializer. Food is a Nice Easy Topic. Food is everywhere, and I just bite my tongue and smile and tell someone, “Looks like a tasty dinner.”

So we traced back the “bakery” (FPV positive) kitties to a mom cat who was mother to some kittens but not all of the 4 (previously 5) kittens we have. She had FIV and was euthanized.

Normally at the shelter kittens don’t get tested for FIV until 3 months or if they’ve had exposure. So Brownie, Cookie, Muffin, and Pop Tart all had the FIV blood test.

Mom kitty nursed all of the cats, but we aren’t sure how many are actually her kittens. Only about 1/4 of kittens born to an FIV positive mother cat are actually FIV positive themselves. The FIV antibodies can show up in the kittens for months from mom kitties milk, so they got tested now, and will be tested again at 6 months.

Brownie and Pop Tart came back negative on their snap test. Cookie and Muffin were both positive. These poor kitties have had it rough. And if it turns out that 2 of them are also FIV positive, that’s already so many ticks against them.

They also have tapeworm which wasn’t a huge shock. I found a flea on Pop Tart the other day, and where there’s fleas, there’s usually tapeworms. And since they’d been so sick they hadn’t gotten the tapeworm medication, just general dewormer.

So now we’ve got the bakery kittens which are positive for distemper, coronavirus, and now half potentially positive for FIV. Wonderful. AND they have tapeworms. AND Pop Tart has an eye infection.

Onto the ‘S’ kittens.

Silvans diarrhea has finally chilled a bit. Sabien and Silvan BOTH had eye infections that weren’t clearing up but are getting there now. There’s no more discharge but they do still hold them closed sometimes.

Shayne had stopped eating for about 30 hours and since she had previously been not gaining weight but also not losing weight, it was very concerning. I now have to do a little dance every time I bring out the food, figure out how Shayne wants to eat. Sometimes she wants to eat alone, sometimes she wants to eat with both her brothers. Sometimes she’ll only eat with Silvan. And sometimes Shayne wants me to pet her while she eats. If I don’t do it right she won’t eat at all.

Thankfully this week Shayne gained some weight. Not a lot, like 2 oz I think, where Silvan gained a full 1 lb. But at least she’s gaining something.

Foster kittens are a wild ride. By the time the Bakery kittens and ‘S’ kittens are cleared for adoption they’ll probably be over the age we consider for “kitten” adoption. Or at least they’ll look it. It’s hard enough to adopt out kittens. Adult cats and adult-looking cats are even harder.

Top 15 Weight Loss Myths

There are plenty of common weight loss myths that people live by when it comes to their health. It is difficult at times to separate the fat loss myths and fact from what is true. Many sound true while others are just laughable. I once examine somewhere that if you drink water at night that you are going to gain weight or that if you scratch your head labor you are going to lose your hair.... Weight Loss Myth # 1 The more weight that I have to lose the more intense my own exercise routine should be Weight Loss Truth: Although having an intense workout routine is great, there are a few things you should consider: the first being that will everyone is at a different level when it comes to their fitness and how much intensity they can actually handle. If you have ended up physically inactive for a number of years, an intense work out for you might be, walking half a mile a day. After you go around that half mile you notice that you are sweating bullets and that you are tired. However , for someone who has been in physical form active for many years, walking half a mile can be done without a sweat. Everyone has a different definition of precisely what "intense" is. If intense for you is working out for an hour a day, but due to life's busy arrange you only have time for 20 minutes a day, then those 20 minutes will go an extremely long way. It may possibly not necessarily be classified as "intense", according to your definition, but those little cardio moments will have confident health altering effects. Fat Loss Myth # 2 Stress and weight gain do not go hand in hand Losing weight Fact: This is one of those "laughable" myths. To learn more how stress is adding lbs. to your life please get my free E-Book, "Psychology of Releasing Weight" Weight Loss Myth # 3 I can lose weight while taking in whatever I want Weight Loss Truth: Sir Isaac Newton once said " What goes up must come down. inch There are natural principles that govern our lives. If you throw a ball up in the air, it will come back down. You can sit on your couch and imagine and visualize that the ball will staying afloat in the air, but natural principles teach us that it will come down. Same goes when it comes to our excess weight. This is one of the most common weight loss myths out there. It is illogical to think that your health and weight are going to be in stabilize if your nutrition consists mainly of twinkies, chips, and donuts. Sure you can burn it off just by exercising, but most people whose diet consists of mainly junk food are probably not disciplined enough to stick to a fitness routine. I do know a few people who, from the outside, look like they are in good shape, because they are not "fat, but who have excessive cholesterol. Just because I feel sorry for crushing the hearts of so many twinkie lovers out there, I would claim this. You can eat junk food, cookies, chips, ice cream, pizza, burgers.... All of those "soul satisfying foods", but it surely should be in moderation. Anything in excess is never good. Fat Loss Myth # 4 Skipping meals constitutes a way to lose weight Weight Loss Fact: There are numerous studies that show that people who skip breakfast and eat a lower number of times during the day tend to be a lot heavier than who have a healthy nutritional breakfast and then eat 4-6 small foods during the day. The reason to this might be the fact that they get hungrier later on in the day, and might have a trend to over eat during other meals of the day. Weight Loss Myth # 5 I will not shed weight while eating at night Weight Loss Truth: You can over indulge in food during the day and not eat a single thing at night and you should gain weight. As is the fact that you can starve yourself during the day and eat all night long and you still might gain weight. The key here is balance. If your body is telling you that it is hungry then perhaps you should listen to it. The reality is, that over eating, while not exercising, will cause you to gain weight; no matter what time of the day that you eat. Whenever My organization is hungry at night, as is my habit with other meals during the day, I try to select something that is usually natural in nature. Something like fruits, vegetables, or I might even make myself a fruit smoothie. At the time of those moments that I am craving ice cream or something sweet, I allow myself to get a few, and DO NOT feel guilty about it. Many people who are overweight live their life in guilt and shame. As i allow myself to get some, however , WITH MODERATION. Fat Loss Myth # 6 I'm not acceptable until such time as I lose weight Weight Loss Fact: The person who doesn't feel acceptable because they are fat is because they are not acceptable to help themselves first. The way that you think others view you is based on your view of yourself. I genuinely believe that one must become emotionally fit before becoming physically fit. I have gone through these self-limiting emotions in advance of. Once I realized that I was ALREADY ENOUGH in the eyes of God and that I had no need to prove average joe to anyone or to receive external validation for my self-worth, that made all the difference for me. As soon as you accept yourself as who you are RIGHT NOW and realize that you are already enough in the eyes of Goodness, you will not feel like you are not acceptable because of your weight. Weight Loss Myth # 7 I need to cut calories to lose pounds faster Weight Loss Truth: Cutting your calories down might be a great thing, if you are drastically overeating and filling your face. However , if you are eating proportionally then cutting calories might have an aversive affect. If you are cutting high fat calories and are starving your body, then that will lower your metabolism, or in other words slow it down, which may result in that you not losing any weight at all, even if you are "cutting calories" Fat Loss Myth # 8 Skipping dinners will help me lose weight Weight Loss Fact: Skipping meals may actually cause you to gain weight! You will become too hungry but will eventually have to eat. This will knock your metabolism off track and will eventually slow it down. See a car running low on gas (food), if you do not fill it up, it will eventually stop working. Same goes for our own bodies, we need to keep it fueled constantly. Weight Loss Myth # 9 I think I have genetic weight gain, that runs in my family! Weight Loss Truth: Can someone say E-X-C-U-S-E-S? I will not deny that there might be tastes for heavy parents to raise heavy children who will remain heavy their whole lives, but I don't think that there is actually a "fat" gene or DNA out there. What we do inherit from our family, primarily people directly raised us, are our views and beliefs. Your views about food, money, religion, state policies, education, etc . are based upon how you were raised. If you were raised in a home where the primary ingredients cooked where fried foods, then you might have a tendency to continue cooking and eating fried foods across your life. If that is the case then you might be a little heavy around the waist. The easy thing to do is to blame the application on those who were in charge of your upbringing, however , you ALWAYS have a choice to change. Fat Loss Myth # 10 Eating healthy is too hard Weight Loss Fact: Eating healthy is the simplest thing in the world..... once you have trained you to ultimately do it. How many times have you placed a goal to lose weight or to "eat better"? The first few days you are doing terrific, eating all kinds of foods which you normally wouldn't eat. Then something funny started to happen, you went back for a old habits and behaviors. This has happened to you in other areas outside of your health. It could be with making money, buying new job, or in your relationships. Creating a new habit takes time because our brain's do not like switch. Change to the brain is dangerous. Anyways, if you would like to learn more about how our brain attempts to sabotage people from creating new habits then please download my free E-book, "Psychology of Releasing Weight" Fat burning Myth # 11 You have to give up your favorite foods to lose weight Weight Loss Truth: What would a world without the need of chocolate and without pepperoni pizza be like??? I think it would be a torturous world to live in!! lol, today on a real note I completely disagree with this myth. You are definitely able to eat your favorite foods. Starving yourself of this kind of pleasure is not fun, and quite frankly you probably WILL eat it anyways. As may be mentioned before, the real key is moderation. If you are a steak lover, then perhaps it might not be the preferred things to eat it every single day, but perhaps once or twice a week. Those who know me personally know that I LOOOOOOOOVE roasted chicken wings with pizza. In a perfect world where I wouldn't gain any weight and my blood vessels were clog-less, I would love to eat it several times per week, well more like every day. However , I know that people aren't the healthiest of food choices so I have it about 2-3 times per month. I am not abandoning my favorite foods, I am just eating it in moderation so that it doesn't catch up to me in the form of pounds. Fat Loss Myth # 12 Overeating is caused by hunger Weight Loss Fact: Nice try there. If only we're able to blame "hunger" for it. In fact , this person we call hunger has nothing to do with you OVEREATING. It'd have something to do your body telling you that it is time to "fuel up" and that it needs food, but that is not symptomatic that one should overeat. What causes many people to overeat are different reasons. One of the main ones is feeling of pressure, depression, loneliness, anxiety, fear, and other down grading emotions of that nature. Many times food can be a means of pleasing your needs. You might be actually getting your needs met through your foods. For example , if you live a lonely lifetime, and aren't very happy, then food could perhaps be a means of you feeling happy and comforted. There are many other articles that I have written on this subject but suffice it to say that overeating is NOT cause when it is hungry. Weight Loss Myth # 13 Only drastic diets work Weight Loss Truth: There goes that phrase again... DIEt.... those "drastic diets" are only good for quick weight loss and rapid weight gain once you get from it. These drastic diets range from the "cookie diet", lol.... All that way to "the water only diet"..... I am sure you may lose weight while on these DIEts, however the weight will be gained right back and usually with some increased weight as a bonus Fat Loss Myth # 14 I am too fat and too far down the road to begin Weight-loss Fact: A long journey begins one step at a time. It is natural to expect instantaneous results and to even worry the road ahead of you; especially if you are extremely overweight. The secret here is to make SMALL incremental changes. Don't hope perfection because that will lead you to disappointment. You are never too far down the road to where you cannot see the sun's lightweight...... Weight Loss Myth # 15 I can't do it, I have tried many times and have failed Weight Loss Truth: The great Holly Ford once said "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't- you're right. '"...... It is 90% mindset, and 10% actually getting off your butt and doing something about it. You fall down, you get back up.... people fall down again, you get back up again. If you have tried to lose weight in the past then it is time to keep intending. Discouragment is to losing weight as is a piece of fried chicken to a vegetarian...... they DO NOT go hand in hand.

Triggering topic

But one I feel ready to talk about on my blog.

⚠️

-if mentions of eating disorders and related things upset or trigger you please do not read this post-

So I mentioned briefly in a previous post that I struggled with disordered eating. And I wanted to do a proper post about it. Some of my followers know as I have spoken to and tried to help other individuals too. I have struggled with eating disorders since I was 7/8 years old. Yeah, young I know.

I went to a boarding school. For those of you who don’t know this is where the school is your house. You sleep there and see your parents like 3 times a year. I was overweight as a child. 8 and 8st. I’m not proud. (14 years later I would find out this was due to a gluten allergy cause by an autoimmune disorder but this isn’t massively relevant to the story at the moment).

My house parent, the mother figure in your life at boarding school, put me on a highly restricted diet (without telling my parents). For 4 years I was only allowed 1 piece of break a week, my tuck (sweets and snacks my family gave me) was locked away and I was allowed one piece a week, my dinner comprised of half a jacket potato one individual pack of butter and one spoon of tuna fish with a small side plate of salad. No puddings. I was 7-11 years old and watching all the other kids eat whatever they wanted whenever they wanted with no restrictions knowing that I was restricted because I was fat.

I did what any normal kid would do and took advantage of being at home. Usually the day after I flew home my family would go out to a restaurant or the cinema to have a nice family outing- so I would eat, taking advantage of the lack of restrictions, and I would EAT until later that night when I would puke everything back up again. This developed into a subconscious binge eating disorder and purging routine. I wasn’t making myself sick but it was how my body coped and even now I still suffer from it not being able to eat the same meal for more than 1 or 2 meals without being violently sick.

I was VERY active as a child; I was on every sports team, did street/pop dance over my lunch break, extra curricular ballet and horse riding and I worked my socks off at everything because I never wanted to let anyone down. (This should’ve been the first sign that something was wrong other than just me eating too much) during the holidays when I was home I would join the middle aged mothers on my compound when they went for runs and when they did aqua fit in the pool; as well as all the usual running swimming cycling rollerblading and trampolining that kids do. But I was still big. When I moved to big school the teachers where more lax about my food; and eventually when I was 14 no one was controlling my food anymore, but I was putting myself on diets and workout programs to lose weight because I was the fattest person in my school. I was 10st (140lbs). Not really that fat considering I was 5”5-5”7 but I was a late developer so I was still kinda build like a toddler where everything was just kinda barrelly (does that make sense? Like no curves just a stick with a distended tummy) I tried juice fasts and high carb veganism, vegetarian diet (but I’m not allowed to be veggie coz of health issues), just salad and chicken, soup diet, 7lbs in 7days- you name I tried it. And nothing was working. I was not losing weight. At 15 I was literally hoping I would’ve comatosed so I could wake up skinny.

Then I was in my final year of school and I got a boyfriend. I stopped worrying so much about what I looked like (though I wasn’t completely comfortable with him seeing me fully undressed for nearly a year) I put on a bit of weight and ended up at 160ish lbs. Then I moved in with my mum and started university, I was in charge of cooking instead of paying rent so I was making healthy home cooked meals. I very rarely used oil in cooking, it was full of veggies and flavour and was balanced and a good portion. I was eating out with my friends on lunch times or having sandwiches, toast and fruit in the morning or a McDonald’s breakfast while on the bus to uni. More fatty foods than I was used to but not an obscene amount, and I was still quite active. But I ballooned. I went up 3st (51lbs) in less than 3 months.

I went to my gp and requested bloods to be taken as I was worried that I possibly had a hormonal imbalance caused by PCOS as that sort of stuff runs in my family. He took note of the bloods request but basically told me not to worry. I mentioned I had put on weight rapidly and he told me to eat less and work out more. So I did.

I spent the next 3 years yoyoing dieting, paying massive amounts of money on gym memberships, personal training, fitness classes.

And.

Still.

I.

Got.

Bigger.

My body image plummeted. I started fasting and dieting again. Eating healthily to have my body reject it because I was so anxious about eating and gaining. I was looking at thinspo and girls who were about 100-110lbs and wishing I could just be like them. I would watch biggest loser, supersize vs superskinny, my 600lb life all this programs to get tips on how to lose weight. I bought diet pills (they don’t work) I cried and screamed and threw my entire wardrobe into charity bags because nothing fit or looked good. I was working out 13hours a week and eating about 500calories a day. And still gaining weight.

So after a hellish and emotional final year (some of which I’ve spoken about on here) I gave up watching what I ate and exercising. I was up over 221lbs and I found out due to an accidental blood test (taken when I went for a ecg to check I wasn’t having heart attacks) that I had a thyroid condition which was why I had gained so much weight so quickly and why I couldn’t lose it.

But by then the damage was done. My binging and purging had turned into obsessively counting calories and fasting and binging until my body purged itself. However I gave up completely caring for the couple of months while I was in a very bad place mentally, this was actually my first step in recovery. It was the first time in a long time not caring and I needed that as it helped break the cycle.

Over this past year I have been working so hard on having a healthy relationship with food as well as my own health and fitness. I have bad days where I have to force myself to eat to accommodate for the energy I have used. And I have good days where I don’t have to fight the urge to step on the scale 15 times a day. It hard, on days where there is a lot of pressure or I have to relive some of the events from the past years it’s hard to not control that one little aspect. It’s why I sometimes forget to post weekly weigh ins because I’m trying to get out of using the scale a bit more and think about how I feel instead.

Running has helped me a lot over this past year. And I only track my calories occasionally for like a week at a time to make sure I’m not massively under eating. I’m hoping to work with a wonderful personal trainer when I’m back in the UK who specialises in female body conditioning and nutrition; my goals are NOT to lose weight (though I’m still aiming to get into that healthy bmi range) my goals are to get stronger, and develop and enhance my body’s natural shape with muscle, and get better with my food, what I should be eating and how much I should be eating.

I know my journey is very specific and there were a lot of bad events in quick succession that actually affected my view of things but I’m hoping this story can resonate with some people and help them to get help to recover or just look at themselves in a bit of a different light.

What does it mean to be disabled?

Why don’t you get a job? That’s a question that I have heard by a few people. Most everyone assumes that I am not disabled in any way. I can walk, I can talk, I can go to the bathroom, I can pick things up, I can see, hear, smell, taste, feel, and I can go out to public places. I have a dog that I help take care of, a gf that I spend time with, and friends that I talk to and occasionally hang out with. So why would I and people similar to me possibly be considered disabled?

Well lets started with the definition of disabled: “having a physical or mental condition that limits movements, senses, or activities” and to get disability benefits you need “a disabling condition that will last more than 12 months or result in death”. As you probably already know, people of any race, religion, gender, sexuality, height, weight, and age can be disabled. Please understand that it is a very common misconception that disabled people need assistance to walk. Some disabled people can walk on their own all the time, some need help some of the time, some need a wheelchair part or half of the time, some need a wheelchair all of the time, and some are bedridden. 

Here is an incomplete list of disabling conditions:

Addison’s Disease

Aging

Albinism

Alcoholism

Alzheimer’s 

Amputation

ALS

Anxiety

Arthritis 

Ataxia

ADHD

Auditory Processing Disorder

Autism

Back impairment

Bipolar

Bladder impairment

Bleeding disorder

Blindness

Brain injury

Burn injury

Cancer

Cataplexy

Cerebral Palsy 

Charcot-Marie-Tooth

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

Chronic pain

Colorblindness

Cumulative trauma

Deafness

Depression

Diabetes

Drug addiction

Dystonia

Eating Disorders

Ehlers-Danlos syndrome

Electrical sensitivity

Endometriosis

Epilepsy

Essential Tremors

FAS

Fibromyalgia

GERD

GI disordrs

Graves’ disease

Guillain Barre’ syndrome

Hearing impairment

Heart conditon

Hepatitis

HIV

Huntington’s disease

Intellectual impairment

Learning disability

Leg impairment

Low vision

Lupus

Lyme Disease

Marfan syndrome

Mental health impairments

MIgraine

Multiple chemical sensitivities

Multiple Sclerosis

Muscular Dystrophy

Myasthenia Gravis

Obesity

OCD

Paraplegia

Parkinson’s

Personality Disorder’s

Phobias

POTS

Polio

PTSD 

Pregnancy(an exclusion to 12 months)

Quadriplegia

Raynaud’s disease

RSD

Renal/Kidney disease

Respiratory impairments

Sarcoidosis

Schizophrenia

SAD

Shingles

Sickle cell anemia

Skin conditions

Sleep disorders

Speech impairments

Spina Bifida

Stroke

Thyroid disorders

Tourette syndrome

Vertigo

So as you can see, disability can be invisible

Disability can be invisible

Disability can be invisible

Anyways, back to my disability story. Yesterday, I managed to do a sink full of dishes I hadn’t been able to do, wash and dry four loads of laundry (not even fold them), collect all the indoor trash, and sweep the back patio over the course of six hours. This was with many breaks, advil, and afterwards a nice, hot bath with CBD butter and epsom salt. This morning I woke up in moderate neck, back, stomach, shoulder, and thigh pain. More advil it was, even though it eats away at my already bad stomach, because it’s the only over the counter pain medicine that works for me. And this time it didn't even help.

Now imagine not just 6 hours, but 8 hours a day with only one break. For 5 days a week. For 50 weeks a year. Sometimes I’ll have a good day and think “I’m doing so good I could go get a job!” and then I’ll get depressed and be like “there’s no way”. Back at the end of when I did have a job and my GI issues got worse and my autoimmune issues came into play, 25 hours a week would have me in bed crying after every shift. I would go home early from shifts from unimaginable costochondritis pain that felt like electric stabbing shocks. I wasn’t able to do anything but work and do basic hygiene. 

My daily life consists of urgent and painful trips to the bathroom, bouts of nausea and dizziness, having less money than I need, chronic pain in my muscles, joints, nerves, back, chest, stomach, intestines, and legs, severe dehydration, taking various medications (and more to come), and not enough energy to get all my basic chores done.

On top of all that physical stuff, I have anxiety, depression, and PTSD that is so bad that it has led to psychosis. I get panic attacks every time I get behind the wheel of a car, and therefore I can't drive. I have PTSD flashbacks from abuse that leave me sobbing. I have spent countless nights and hours crying in my bed or in the shower. I'm on medications that are helping, but I still have a looooong way to go.

You may ask: but don't you go out and do things? Yes I do. I have good days with little to no issues, normal days with some issues, and bad days with most to all issues. But I specifically do my shopping on my normal or good days and specifically do the physically exerting activities I need to do on my good days. I won't go out and do stuff or invite you over on my bad days unless we're really close and then you'll truly know what this is like.

That was just my average daily life, this does not include the other events that have happened in past 6 months including:

Losing 15 lbs unintentionally and being unable to gain it back, making me 2 lbs from under weight

Having several period cramps that were so bad I couldn't walk/talk correctly

Going to the ER for severe dehydration that caused me to have a bp of 76/22 and therefore I could hardly remain conscious

About a dozen doctors visits

Two pain episodes that were so bad I wanted to die

Three random finger joint dislocations

Three hallucinations

15 mouth sores in one day (not from an allergy)

Trying to commit suicide/going inpatient

Having a dizzy/weakness spell that caused me to fall in the shower

The only diagnosises I have so far are anxiety, depression, PTSD, costochondritis, and anemia. But the doctors also think I have endometriosis, Crohn's, and an autoimmune disease. I can't get disability without an actual diagnosis. I have been dealing with chronic pain for the past 6 years, since I was 15. And I am still here with a daily invisible struggle. I am going to have a rheumatologist, gastroenterologist, gynecologist, and diagnostics appointment. But some of these medical things can be expensive. Thank god I am still on my parents insurance.

I will keep fighting, I will keep perservering, I will keep moving forward everyday. I am skinny, am pretty, I am smart, I am "normal". I can walk, I can talk, I can go to the bathroom, I can pick things up, I can see, hear, smell, taste, feel, and I can go out to public places. I have a dog that I help take care of, a gf that I spend time with, and friends that I talk to and occasionally hang out with. I will have stabbing chest pains from breathing while having a conversation with you and you will never notice. And then I will go to the bathroom and take some advil.

Please share your disability stories

To help out some disabilities or struggles disabled people face:

Hotlines/helplines:

In general

1) they are available to call 24/7

2) they are 100% confidential

3) they are free

United States Elder Abuse

1-866-363-4276Child Abuse /Dept of Social Services 1-800-342-3720

Alcohol Treatment Referral 1-800-252-6465

Cocaine addiction 1-800-262-2463

Drug Abuse 1-800-662-4357

National Association for Children of Alcoholics 1-888-554-2627

Ecstasy Addiction 1-800-468-6933

American Cancer Society 1-800-227-2345

National Cancer institute 1-800-422-6237

Elder Care Locator 1-800-677-1116

Want to know Jesus? 1-800-NEED-HIM

Social Security Administration 1-800-772-1213

Crisis Pregnancy 1-800-67-BABY-6

National Domestic Violence 1-800-799-SAFE

Elder Abuse 1-800-252-8966

Eating Disorders Awareness and Prevention 1-800-931-2237

Eating Disorders Center 1-888-236-1188

National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders 1-847-831-3438

Compulsive Gambling 1-410-332-0402

GriefShare 1-800-395-5755

Homeless 1-800-231-6946

American Family Housing 1-888-600-4357

LGBTQIA+ Helpline 1-800-398-GAYS

Gay and Lesbian National Hotline 1-888-843-4564

Poison Control (they will help with overdoses) 1-800-942-5969

S.A.F.E. (Self Abuse Finally Ends) 1-800-DONT-CUT

Project Know (sex addiction) 1-888-892-1840

Sex Addicts Anonymous 1-800-477-8191

Suicide Hotline 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433) or

1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Suicide Prevention 1-800-827-7571

Deaf Hotline 1-800-799-4TTY

Crisis Intervention (717) 851-5320 or 1-800-673-249

If you have a disability please feel free to reach out to me

Journaling IV

content warning:

bodily functions 

weight talk

time for another update:

i had my super fun X-ray on monday (9.29.19) morning. it was weird. i stood on a weird platform, in a surgical gown, and had 3 dudes stand around and tell me weird ways to twist and bend my body so they could take the best pictures of my insides all while having to drink poison that had the consistency of chalk dissolved in white glue. it was wild. the assistant was nice. he stood around with me and we just talked a bit. he was awkward,,, i was awkward. it was both better and worse than the CT scan i got last year. worse by which, back then i just laid on a rolling table with a warm blanket on me and a pillow under my knees. i was alone in the room and the technician just told me what to do through a speaker system from the next room, or the machine talked to me through a little robot face on a screen whereas this was 3 strange men and i felt naked in that stupid surgical gown. i was glad i decided to wear leggings and they let me keep them on but still. i had to take off my bra (even tho it is a sports bra but whatever) and all my earrings, which i never take out, as well as the ring i’ve worn every second for the last like, 10 years. this ring means a lot to me in what it is, what it represents and what it carries so that didn’t help.  it was better in that i didn’t have to drink as much poison as last time. for the CT scan, they were looking more at my lower GI, so i had to drink 2 bottles worth of barium: 1 bottle 1 hour before my appointment, half a bottle half an hour before and the last half i had to chug right before i went in. they were trying to map out my entire GI system whereas this was watching my upper GI work in real time.  first i had to stand up and drink the thick barium mixture (and also basically medical grade Alke-seltzer to blow me up like a balloon animal-- and then i was told i had to just old my burps in or it would ruin the pictures so that was cool), which as i mentioned, was not great. i was never the kid in class that ate glue (i liked to pour it on my hand, let it dry then pretend to be shedding like a snake), but if i had to liken it to something, that would be it. it was so heavy in the cup, it was wild. but it wasn’t smooth like glue, it was gritty. there was no flavor to it other than you know, chemical-y. i had to gather a mouthful, fill my cheeks like a little gerbil, wait for the machine to get into place and the doctor to trigger the program by which he would say “ok swallow” and the machine would track the barium down my esophagus. i did that a couple times then they casually said “ok, turn around and look at the table behind you.” which i did, it was a lovely table. “now we are going to tip the table back and you will be laying on your stomach.” excuseth me?! they wouldn’t even let me get off the table while it tranformer-transformed into a bed, no i just had to ride that shit like it was a rodeo. it was upsetting, my vertigo went absolutely batshit and the fact that by this point, my stomach went ‘well hang on.... you haven’t given me anything in about 11 hours so i thought this was food but this is poison anD YOU ARE ON A ROLLERCOASTER?!’ and decided the time to rebel was at hand. i was so close to barfing, im not kidding. the assistant was handing me a pillow and he could see my face lose color as i nervously began to giggle and he grabbed the little barf bag. i was so close to forcing this assistant to have to re-sterilize this stupid table/bed but i kept it together and also i had literally nothing in my stomach other than poison so that was probably helpful. the last thing i ate was a couple spoonfuls of tuna out of the can and a hardboiled egg at like 2pm the day before.  next we come to a super fun moment which i will gloss over because it was the crowning weird moment of the day: while laying on my stomach and drinking from a cup of poison, i had to swallow a mouthful of said poison, hold my breath and then bare down, so they could look for hernias. i wish not to elaborate further i just would like to thank my personal goddess that i didn’t let anything slip out either end. after that, i was pretty much done. the bed *transformer noise* returned to an upright platform and the machine coffin lid was removed so i could get down. i all but ran back to the dressing room and got my jewelry and clothing back on. we had to drive home an hour and the entire time i was covered in a sheen of cold sweats, gripping my barf bag, but was fine. later than night i was less so. yesterday (10.2.19) i met again with rupinder. she went over all 4 tests i went through over the past 2 weeks: the blood tests- were all good. my vitamins levels are great, my iron is good, my blood sugars wonderful. the only things of note were as i mentioned, my b1 levels were high but it was b/c i take biotin vitamins and my white blood cells count was flagged as high, but i let her know that i happened to get sick with a headcold literally the day after i got my blood drawn. also my blood sugars showed that i am not pre-diabetic which is great. i am not even pre- pre-diabetic yet, just on the cusp which is great for someone with a family history and who has never really bothered with watching my sugar intake. urine & stool test- good. my body is absorbing vitamins and minerals just the way that it should and also i am not on any drugs *ok hand emoji* floroscopy test-  i have a very small hital hernia, but it is so small and has been of so little impact i a) have not noticed it at all and b) it has basically done no real damage yet. everything else looks great. i have some indication of acid reflux but it is either old scars or so mild it is happening and i don’t notice it. i do have to share my favorite line from the doctor’s notes from the floroscopy though:  "The visualized stomach, duodenum and proximal small bowel are grossly unremarkable." that is possibly the meanest thing a doctor has ever said to me: grossly unremarkable. he couldn’t have just said ‘normal’ or ‘nothing of note’, no he had to come from my whole life about my disgustingly boring bowels.  anyways, we talked about that for a bit and then did some math. during our first meeting she said she wanted me to lose 50lbs before surgery, but she recalculated along with all the new information from all these tests and gave me a new weight goal. rather than getting to 300lbs even , she has raise it to 315lbs. so from the original 50 lbs i needed to lose, now it is only like 29lbs. she cut it nearly in half and also told me that i will not have to wait the full 7 months originally required by the program. basically, i have to just hit 315 lbs, make an appointment with her, she will bring in the surgeon once she verifies my weight and then we will set the surgery 6 weeks from that date. 6 weeks. that’s it. it has been 2 weeks since i first met her and i’ve already lost like 5 or 6lbs. i could be at my goal weight before or by thanksgiving and be set up to have surgery at the beginning of 2020. i know that is still 2 and 1/2 months out but, that is so much sooner than the original 7 months.  i have a few more things i have to do before then of course. i need to get an EKG to check my heart, make sure there is not arrhythmia or anything, and i need another x-ray of my chest and lungs, mostly to check in on that spot on my lung (which i saw on the floroscopy x-rays. it is actually pretty dark and right near my heart,,,, which is worrying and my anxiety will definitely remember this) in case i need a biopsy or anything. also i have to see a dietitian and a therapist. but i can take those hurdles a little at a time rather than speedrunning it like i have been for the last 2 weeks.  just need to keep on course, keep the faith that this is the right choice even if it is the hardest thing i’ve ever done in my fucking life, and keep my eyes on the prize.