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ggukiepie · 4 years

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learned to love - kth

pairing: taehyung x reader

summary: kim taehyung thought you were meant to stay in his life forever, but maybe you were just a lesson he needed to learn

genre: breakup!au, idolverse, angst, sfw

word count: 3,676

a/n: had this with me for quite a while now so why not post it right !! anyway, this was inspired by the song eight by iu and yoongi :--) enjoy !

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Taehyung tightens his grip, his hand on the steering wheel and the other out the window, feeling the breeze through his fingers as he drives by. He looks intently at the road in front of him, cars starting to blur as he drives fast. He’s trying to forget about what just happened, what he just did, but your face keeps popping in his head. He keeps remembering the knowing look you gave him, how tightly you wrapped your arms around him in an embrace, the soft touch of your lips against his. He also remembers your eyes tearing up, and then closing to look away from him. He’s not sure if he did the right thing.

He didn’t mean for this to happen. He didn’t mean for this to get too far, too ugly, too broken for saving. He just wanted to be happy and to live in the moment, but he realized not all moments are happy moments. The truth and reality sets in eventually, and Taehyung realized reality was not a pretty sight to see.

But still. Whether he did the right or wrong thing, he knows for a fact he does not regret a single thing at all. He does not regret anything with you—because feeling regret would release the monster inside and consume him whole and he did not want to live a life with no soul.

He remembers the first time he saw you. Well, it was the first time he actually saw you, but after meeting you he’s realized you both have crossed paths many times already. But he never truly noticed you until that day. You were an intern at the company, specifically under BTS, which meant you were in charge of fixing all their documents, preparing coffee for their meetings and whatnot. You were too shy to strike up a conversation with any of them—because who wouldn’t be? They were technically your bosses and you were just…well, an intern—so you always avoided eye contact whenever you were in the same room with any of them and you didn’t linger any longer than you had to. It wasn’t because they were stuck up, egocentric idols—because God, they were far from that. It was because you were just really shy and it wasn’t like you had anything to talk about in the first place. The most you have said to them before that day was, “Can you sign here, please?”

But that day, Taehyung remembers clearly, he was running late to the meeting when he saw you come out the kitchenette holding a tray full of snacks—and Taehyung knew the snacks were for him and the boys because they always requested those during meetings. He didn’t think, really, because all he did was walk up to you, murmured Let me help, and got the tray from you. You stood there, a bit dumbfounded, but managed a small smile at his kind gesture. Taehyung smiled right back, as if on impulse, and he realized your smile was infectious.

“This is for the meeting, I suppose?” he asked to which you nodded. You walked side by side in silence until you reached the conference room. Taehyung tried not to stare at you during the entirety of the meeting. You were seated in front, right beside the group’s lawyer. You were taking down notes, nodding your head to what your boss was saying. Sometimes you chewed the bottom of your lip as if you were deep in thought. Sometimes you would let out a little exhale.

Taehyung always became reserved towards people he did not know or had not known for a long time, but with you, he felt like he wanted to be your friend. He also felt like he was stupid because how could he feel that way towards someone he barely talked to?

That was the first time Taehyung actually noticed you and since then, he’s been trying his best to bump into you whenever he was at the company. But the legal department and artists’ area were practically at opposite ends of the building, so he always felt a little stupid and embarrassed to be caught in your side of the building because he knew he had nothing of importance to be there anyway.

But he justified that reason by telling himself it was important trying to see you, to talk to you, to get to know you. Call it cliché, if you will, but there was just something that drew him to you. Always.

So he found himself going to the company earlier than he should be, going there even though he didn’t have to at all. He found himself wandering to the legal department almost every day. Sometimes he saw you and sometimes he did not. But the times he did see you, he would always make it a point to walk up to you and strike a conversation. He would say the first thing that came to his head really, and most of the time it made you laugh, which made his heart soar, so he always made it a point to start off with a random topic.

Months passed and you knew a lot about each other already. But those months always consisted meetings and bump ins at the hallway. There were never actual hangouts, eating lunch together, or Taehyung walking you to your desk. He knew you were an intern and if your boss ever saw you and Taehyung hanging out and would think otherwise… He never wanted to put your job at risk. He never wanted to cross that line.

Until one day. Jimin had caught on Taehyung’s unusual newfound habit of wandering to the legal department “by mistake” or Jimin-ah, I’m walking around to find inspiration and I always end up here! Jimin caught on the long looks you gave each other, the small smiles you shared, or how you and Taehyung always entered the conference room at the same time, Taehyung always, always carrying the tray of snacks.

So Jimin devised a plan. It wasn’t a special plan to begin with—Jimin just planned that he would talk to your boss as a distraction while Taehyung would ask you out. Taehyung’s eyes nearly bugged out at the idea. It wasn’t that he never thought of asking you out—because he did, almost every time he talked to you, but the words would die on his lips. He was just never brave enough to do so, because he knew the repercussions, sad as it may seem. He knew it would be hard to work things out—firstly, you worked at the same place and people would see differently and think differently if they saw an intern dating an idol, in the same company she worked at. Secondly, your safety and privacy would be jeopardized if people ever found out. Taehyung knew there were always stalkers out there and your identity would be out on the internet the second they’d know. Taehyung’s used to the hate and criticisms now but maybe you might not be able to handle it, should people ever find out. Taehyung’s thought about all this, he’s thought so far ahead that Jimin had to slap some sense into him.

“It’s just one date, Tae,” Jimin would always find himself saying. “One date won’t hurt, right?”

“But—”

“Taehyung-ah, stop it with your excuses! Stop being so scared and thinking about the what ifs,” Jimin started to say. Taehyung knows the speech that’s coming, has it almost memorized per word, but now does he truly realize the weight of what Jimin’s words mean. “You just have to live life, you know? Start living in the moment and stop fearing the future. Go out and experience things, for once! Fall in love, get drunk, get your heart broken, break some hearts… You won’t actually know what’s out there if you don’t take that step. Step out of your comfort zone, Taehyung. Nothing ever grows in comfort zones.”

Taehyung doesn’t know why Jimin always ends up talking about comfort zones, but he knows his friend has a point. Also, meeting you and getting to know you made Taehyung want to experience those things, things that spoke of normalcy but were alien to him given the kind of life he lived—he wanted to fall in love, he wanted to feel those butterflies everyone talked about during a first date, he wanted to feel nervous to hold someone’s hand, to kiss someone, he wanted to celebrate anniversaries and holidays with someone. And somehow, after all his thinking, he always pictured that someone being you. Taehyung wanted to experience and live life with you, and asking you out for one date wouldn’t hurt, right?

While Jimin started talking to your boss, conveniently standing in front of him to block his view from your desk, Taehyung walked to where you were sitting. You look up startled, of course, because you and Taehyung never talked in your work area. It was always in the halls, in the elevator, anywhere that seemed like a secret and not something planned, when actually it was always planned.

“Do you want to have dinner with me?” he asked in a rush. Taehyung kept looking at your boss’ desk which made you look too. You saw Jimin talking to him then looked back at Taehyung staring intently at you, and somehow you knew what they were trying to do. This made you smile of course, but there was a tiny voice at the back of your head saying this was a bad idea. But even if it was, what could one bad idea do, right?

“Sure,” you found yourself saying almost right away. You had been waiting for this moment of course. When you and Taehyung would cross the line.

In all honesty, Taehyung wasn’t expecting you to say yes right away. Hell, he wasn’t expecting you to say yes at all. But here you were, smile wide on your face and looking up at him. He was ready to explain why one date wouldn’t hurt, why if you declined, that it would be okay, that Taehyung was ready to apologize for crossing the line. But you said yes, and now he was at a loss for words.

“Well?” you giggled at his silence.

At that moment Taehyung swore he knew at least three words, but now, none were coming back. It was only then did you touch his hand that he snapped back to reality.

“That’s… That’s great. Wow,” he breathed out and brushed his hair back. “I wasn’t expecting you to say yes right away.” You laughed and Taehyung felt his heart soar again. In that moment he knew it was his new favorite sound and that he wanted to hear it every day of his life. “Does tomorrow sound good?”

“Yeah, tomorrow would be great,” you replied with a smile.

The date entailed a late-night dinner at the rooftop of the company building. Taehyung made sure your boss and most of the staff had gone home for the day, save for the boys who practiced late at night and their manager who stayed as long as they did.

It was nothing special, really—the rooftop was empty and well-lit so it was just a simple dining set up with that dinner that consisted of take-out from your favorite restaurant (which Taehyung found out the third time he “bumped” into you). He had to convince his manager to help him set up everything and he was glad enough that he didn’t ask Taehyung any questions about it.

The moment you both sat down was when Taehyung realized that his feelings for you were actually real and not just some made-up infatuation a high school student would get. It wasn’t just some crush because God—you were far from being just his crush. You were something more to him, something a single word couldn’t accurately describe. Taehyung just knew in his heart you would be important to him some day. Not now, of course, that you guys were just still getting to know each other and learning to trust one another, but in the future. He knew you would be in his life forever. And that made him smile.

He drove you home that night and walked you to your apartment, mostly because he didn’t want you to walk alone at night and partly that he didn’t want to say goodbye just yet. He remembered asking if he could kiss you. He remembered the way you smiled and nodded your head. He remembered the feel of his lips on yours, your fingers playing with the ends of his hair, his hands tightening around your waist. He remembered his heart clenching and soaring, doing flips and other things he couldn’t explain. He remembered feeling everything and nothing at once.

More late-night dates came after that. It was always late at night and always at the company building during the early stage of your relationship. You weren’t complaining of course because you understood the circumstances that surrounded your relationship with Taehyung. And Taehyung knew that you understood, but sometimes you could see the worry etched on his face whenever you would go to the rooftop for dinner, or hangout in his studio for drinks because you knew Taehyung wanted to do more with you. Wanted to do normal things with you.

But the secrecy and hiding around… God, was it hard.

Only Jimin knew what was going on between you both. He saw the way you both pointedly ignored each other during meetings, how Taehyung would give you a strained smile when all he wanted to do was kiss your lips. It was hard on your part trying to maintain an almost non-existent relationship with Taehyung in public. It was equally hard for him, too.

Sometimes Taehyung would think if he did the wrong thing asking you out. If your relationship was wrong. If it was a bad idea. He’d tell you of course and you’d always jokingly say, “One bad idea couldn’t hurt, right?”

But bad ideas became a thing in your relationship. Sometimes that bad idea was having a late-night picnic in a park without telling his manager when he’s always supposed to tell their manager of their whereabouts. Sometimes it would be Taehyung coming to a photoshoot late because last night the both of you were hanging out at your apartment and barely got any sleep because all you did was talk and kiss and laugh and be in love. Sometimes it would always be taking a train to the outskirts of the city, whenever Taehyung had a day off and you didn’t have work or school. During those moments he didn’t care if people would recognize him. All that mattered to him was you and that you were happy, and that you were happy with him. And sometimes, that bad idea would be skipping an early morning meeting with the music team because your most recent fight with him kept him up all night. Sometimes the bad ideas would be sermons from his manager, your boss scolding you for not paying attention, or Namjoon getting mad at Taehyung for being late and missing practice all the time. To Taehyung, it didn’t matter much because this is what living life felt like, right? Falling in love and making mistakes and saying yes to bad decisions. Being reckless. And then making things right. Taehyung just wanted to experience that with all of you.

It went on for a year and a half. The both of you have matured since then—less of saying yes to bad ideas and more of going to practice on time and attending meetings fully prepared. Taehyung couldn’t deny that you’ve become one of the most important people in his life. By then, you were already close to his family as he was to yours. The other members already knew about your relationship and it made Taehyung even happier that they’ve accepted you into their little circle.

But as time went by, Taehyung realized something was always missing. There was just something out of place, or something not working the way it should be. Just a minor nuisance, but something he couldn’t exactly pinpoint, which frustrated him to a great end. There was a shift in your relationship, but he didn’t realize what that shift was until one day.

You were smiling less, talking less, laughing less. What had become Taehyung’s most favorite sound in the world was now some sort of a distant memory. Taehyung had changed too. He was making less of an effort at work, putting less meaning into his performances and music. He was smiling less, too, and he didn’t know why. He didn’t know what changed between the both of you. Your relationship was great, close to perfect, so why did it feel like it was crumbling now?

Taehyung couldn’t tell the exact moment things shifted. But he found himself happy when you both weren’t fighting and he found himself in a bad mood when you were. And this would carry on for the whole day or until things were right again between you two. The members noticed this as well—that Taehyung’s mood always depended on yours.

Maybe it was because of that, Taehyung thought—that you depended on each other so much. Or that your bad ideas actually became bad ideas—that his world entirely revolved around you when it should include the other important aspects in his life like his career, family, and friends. Or how you would drop your studies to hang out with Taehyung whenever he had a day off. The two of you seemed to revel in each other’s love entirely which in the end, wasn’t healthy at all. It brought out all your bad habits and bad sides and it was just bad, bad, bad.

Taehyung did not expect things would go this far. He always told himself, BTS over anything, BTS over everything. But then you came along, caught his heart with just your laugh, and he knew he was a goner.

Taehyung tried to fix things, of course he would. He didn’t want to lose you at all. You tried to fix your relationship as well, but you always found yourself at the same place after talking things out.

Taehyung knew he had to make a decision before things went too bad. His career was on the line. Your career and studies were on the line. You were too caught up in each other that you were starting to forget about what really mattered. Maybe this was how first loves always turned out? Taehyung always wondered that maybe you were just the person he needed at that time in his life, and he was the same person you needed too. Taehyung wondered that maybe you were just the right person that came at the wrong time, or the wrong person at the right time? But Taehyung thought you were the right person, and he knew it was never the wrong time with the right person.

But things were starting to get ugly.

You were already living together that day. It used to feel like home to Taehyung, but when he stepped in that day it did not feel like home at all. It felt cold and different. Earlier that day he’d been practicing what to tell you and he was just about to say his speech when he saw you walk in the living room. He knew by the look on your face that you knew as well. He forgot most of what he practiced in his head, but he said all the important parts. That maybe you were just the person he needed during that time in his life, that maybe you were just some lesson, some experience he needed to live life. Some first love he needed to get over, some heartbreak to go through. You weren’t teenagers in love but adults that needed to start making mature decisions and not saying yes to bad ideas all the time.

You keep nodding through it all and when Taehyung was done talking, you said your sentiments as well. You felt the same way, thought the same thoughts—that maybe you just needed Taehyung at that point in your life to actually live life and experience things. Maybe he was just a lesson to you as well.

So the two of you said your goodbyes with tears rolling down your cheeks. Taehyung silently cried as he helped you pack your things. He cried as he loaded your belongings in your car. He cried as he kissed you goodbye for the last time, said I love you for the last time, hugged you for the last time. He cried as he watched you get in your car and drive off.

He stopped crying, though, once he got in his own car and started driving.

Which brings him back to the present, head now clear and cheeks dried from the tears earlier. Taehyung keeps thinking on what you two had, on what you two shared. He’d like to think you are the love of his life, as you are his. But in the end, it didn’t turn out that way. Taehyung thought you were meant to stay in his life forever, but maybe you were just a lesson he needed to learn. To learn what? To learn how to live life, how to love, how to put others before himself, the list went on. He’s learned so much from you, honestly, that he doesn’t regret what you two shared. Maybe his soulmate is out there and maybe he’ll meet that person someday. Maybe you’ll cross paths again, when things are right. Taehyung’s not sure about a lot of things right now—just a bunch of maybes and what ifs. But what Taehyung knows for sure amidst all the maybes—that you’ll always hold a special place in his heart.

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sukisdeliveryservice · 3 years

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hi ash :D how was your day? my day has been weird lmao my laptop died so now im on my uncle's apple one and its pretty weird cuz ive only used android my whole life but oh well. about my knitting, im planning on making a sweater! im still reaserching and doing the size calculations but im pretty excited! it's my first big project! what about you? what do you make?

you dont have to apologise! im glad you liked the questions :) sorry for the headache eheh

for the questions :

which of your biases would you want to spend a week with?

i'd say kyeom for svt bc he seems more friendlier? i have a feeling it wouldn't be as awkward with him than with shua even though shua speaks enlish dhfjdjdh for nct i'd say renjun! mainly its because i can speak chinese, and he can speak chinese, but also because he's closer to my age compared to my other biases :3

what food would you be okay with eating for the rest of your life?

i'd have to say sushi :D it has quite a wide selection and it has rice and the occasional vegetable and also protein. and it also tastes heavenly so i really wouldn't mind lmao

sign with sm, yg or jyp?

honestly, i think i'd sign to sm. i dont think i could stan working for a boss who's so full of himself like jyp, and he's also known to body shame his idols, and considering my childhood trauma i'd rather not go back down that lane. and for yg, well, looking at their groups promotions, i just dont think i'd be satisfied lmao so sm is really the only option left. but like you, i think i would sign with kq as well, or even weeekly's company. from what ive seen they're doing pretty well, and they even changed the lyrics when weeekly covered kiss me more. the bar is wayyy too low but ive actually never seen that happen in this industry so it's a start

know how to play every single instrument or speak language in the world?

i'd also rather speak every language. it would be more practical to be able to speak to everyone

be a master at something you love or something unique?

i'd say something i love, which could be singing or writing. then i'd be able to make a career and maybe a mark in history with it 🤪

thanks for your questions <333 it was fun thinking about spending the day with kyeom exploring sushi :'D

now since we've already done the movie, books and songs recs, we're onto our last question! kiss marry and kill :D so here are some people 😌 :

chan, soobin, soonyoung

wonwoo, joshua, minghao

yeonjun, yoongi, hyunjin

chan(skz), jisung(skz), beomgyu

dahyun, jisoo, yuna

ryujin, irene, iu

lisa, yeri, jihyo

nayeon, yeji, momo

also, for the playlist making, i was thinking maybe i make one for you and you make one for me? would that be ok with you?

- 💎 anon who also wants to remind you to hydrate regularly <3

hi anon!! nice to hear from you again hehe :3 aww i hope that you were able to get used to the apple software thing! i too have been an android user for pretty uch everythingg except for my ipad on which i draw on :)

a sweater!! that's so lovely, lmk how it goes! i like doing amigurumi? so crocheting little figurines is what i like to do. today is my day off!! so i'm just organizing this ktown assorted album group order :D

ahh i loved reading your responses anon!! definitely agree with what you said about the entertainment companies though, like i don't thinl there's one that's really good?? exploring a day with kyeom and eating only sushi ,,, sushi date with kyeom? i wanna keep this in the ideaas bank heh heh heh

anyways...this kmk you sent is going to ,,, anyways let's see how this goes FHDSJFKCD you really had to throw all of my biases in there and make my head spin (i love it though anon) TW WARNING UNDER // mentions of the word k*ll

kiss!chan, marry!soobin, kill!soonyoung - i feel terrrible already

killwonwoo, marry!joshua, kiss!minghao - i know i cry about my other biases a lot but believe me when i say joshua is my ideal guy kdsjckds

kiss!yeonjun, marry!yoongi, kill!hyunjin

marry!chan(skz), kill!jisung(skz), kiss!beomgyu - why do i feel like best friend beomgyu is the ideal person to have a first kiss with wahh

marry!dahyun, kill!jisoo, kiss!yuna

kiss!ryujin, kill!irene, marry!iu - (bunny if you see this i'm so sorry)

kill!lisa, kiss!yeri, marry!jihyo

marry!nayeon, kill!yeji, kiss!momo

i'd love to make you a playlist anon! one thing though - do you think your spoots will give away your url? i can def make one tho!! will start tmw after work hehe

i will hydrate daily! and you should too! send you lots of hugs anon, have an amazing day because you deserve it and so much more :3

#💎#love & letter 💌#this is very late :O #i hope you're having an amazing day #and if you aren't #i'm going to fly over there and give you a big hug #whatever you're doing #i hope you know that i'm proud of you!!!#and you got this!!!#just take it one step at a time and breathe a little #im not sure where this came from but i just want to let you know that you are so so so appreciated <3

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i-stan-nct-and-satan · 4 years

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Not Broken (Jaehyun mafia au pt 8)

Not Broken Masterlist

Jaehyun X Reader

Trigger warning: like a slap or two, mentions of abuse

The adrenaline rush was short lived, but my body was still shaking due to low blood sugar I was experiencing as a result.

I couldn't help but just lay on the floor thinking about how I got myself into this situation, and not like I had a choice in what position I was in.

What could I have possibly done to deserve this? Besides the obvious fact that I killed a gang leader, why was I put in that scenario in the first place? If this was punishment for trying to steal for survival then God is an asshole. I might not have been the best person, but I wouldn't say that I was that bad either.

The pain was immense. I could barely see out of my left eye due to the swelling. I wondered what I looked like. I definitely had a black eye, if not two, but I imagined that I looked like a sorry sight.

I couldn't even cry. Despite lying on the ground for the past I don't know how many hours, I was more exhausted than I had ever been in my whole life. My mouth had a bitter metallic taste in it, probably from the blood. Breathing wasn't hard, which was good, but I kept coughing really hard. God, I was thirsty. So, fucking thirsty.

Suddenly, I hear a noise coming from the stairs.

Please be Winwin, I thought to myself. But after hearing the sound of several pairs of footsteps coming down the stairs, I knew that wasn't the case.

"Is our little kitten sleeping?"

My eyes widened in fear as I recognized the voice as the man who did this to me.

My breathing started becoming shallower and I panicked. I thought of pretending to be asleep but that didn't work last time, and I didn't want to piss him off any more than I already had.

I was facing away from the stairs, but I could see three shadows cast on the wall as three figure approached me.

"I asked you a question, Kitten. Don't make me repeat myself," the shadow snarled.

"I-I," I hesitated. I didn't know what to say, but I didn't want the gang leader to view my fear as disrespect. Who knows what he would do to me if I pissed him off anymore?

Laughter was all I heard. He could sense my fear and it pleased him.

Despite feeling disgusted by his laughter at my paralyzed state, I felt a bit of relief knowing that my pathetic attempt at answering him didn't result in any sudden bashings.

My relief was short lived as I felt my body being hoisted up by unknown arms and thrown onto their shoulders. I didn't try to resist because I knew that would get me nothing. If anything, resisting them would lead to my seemingly fast approaching death, coming even sooner.

I thought that I could get through anything as long as I found a way to survive, but now I'm doubting myself.

Maybe death would be better than whatever fate had in store for me today.

As the person carrying me starts walking, I see that Jaehyun isn't the one carrying me since he and Yuta are whispering to each other in the middle of the room.

The person carrying me leans forward, throwing me down into one of the non-broken chairs in a harsh manner. I look up to see Doyoung smirking at me.

He reaches into his shirt pocket and takes out a small key. For a brief second, I think that he's going to free me from the chains that were digging into my hip bones, but he merely rearranged them so that I was chained to the chair.

"Doyoung," Jaehyun called.

Doyoung looked back at Yuta and Jaehyun. His boss motioned for him to join them, so he swiftly made his way over.

I couldn't hear them, but I could see that they were talking to each other.

POV third person

"Okay so here's the plan," Yuta began.

"Remember, first we are going to find out about her connection with Lucas, then we'll find out what happened the night of Ji-eun's, I mean IU's death."

Jaehyun and Doyoung nodded in response.

"I think that we have a good chance at getting her to talk, but..." Yuta turned to Doyoung.

"I don't think we should hurt her. At least, not at first." He finished.

Annoyance grew on Doyoung's face.

"Doyoung," Yuta warned.

"Fine. Whatever." Doyoung rolled his eyes.

"I'm thinking that she is either protecting Lucas due to them having some sort of relationship or she is too scared of Lucas killing her to tell us where he is," Yuta explained.

"Does she not think that we'll kill her if she doesn't tell us where he is?" Jaehyun interjected a little too suddenly, before quickly regaining his composure.

Yuta and Doyoung gave each other a look.

"Boss, do you really think you should be down here for this?" Doyoung questioned.

"Not you, too," Jaehyun sighed, pinching the top of his nose out of annoyance.

"Listen. I'll let you two do your thing. I won't interfere. I trust that you both are fully capable of extracting the info we need," Jaehyun coldly instructed the two interrogators, letting them know that he wasn't asking permission.

Jaehyun took a seat in the corner of the room farthest from Y/N and just stared at her. He was furious with the position he was in.

I need to get my shit together. I've never looked so weak in front of my men before. My father would be disgusted with me if he were alive, and it's all because of her and that bastard. He thought as Yuta and Doyoung continued discussing their interrogation methods.

"Follow my lead," Yuta instructed before making his way over to Y/N.

Y/N's POV

Jaehyun's stare was terrifying, but at least he wasn't near me.

Yuta said something I couldn't hear before they started walking towards me.

Doyoung pulled a chair up and sat in it backwards, arms crossed, resting on top of the chair's back. Yuta remained standing.

"So princess," Yuta started, using the same flirty voice he had used on you at the show.

"How are you?"

The question threw me off completely. I had no idea what to say in response to such a simple question. Obviously, I wasn't "good" with the state that I was in, but his question seemed so genuine, like he was asking a friend he was honestly concerned about. I just stared at him.

"He asked you a question," Doyoung spat out as he started to get up from his chair.

"Doyoung, calm down," Yuta rested a hand on his shoulder, urging him to remain seated.

Yuta turned back to me.

"You must be in a lot of pain, right?"

Still not knowing how to respond, but not wanting Doyoung to bite my head off, I merely nodded.

Yuta walked over to the first aid kit that Winwin had left on the broken pool table and started rummaging through it. Doyoung just kept staring at me. Doyoung's stare was intimidating enough to almost make me forget that his boss was also burning holes into my head.

Yuta returned holding a bottle of water. He opens the bottle of water then he extends his seemingly empty hand towards me.

"Open," he instructed.

Confused, I look down at his hand to see a small white pill, similar to the pills you get from the doctor after getting your wisdom teeth pulled.

He sees the hesitation in my face.

"Relax princess, it's just an Oxy. It'll help with the pain," he states softly.

I open my mouth and he places the pill on my tongue. Then, he brings the water bottle to my lips. I drinking as much as I can, trying not to let any of the liquid spill due to the awkward angle. Yuta pulls the bottle away from my mouth and I breathe heavily.

"Wow, you really chugged that didn't you? Don't worry. You can have more. Just drink slowly."

Yuta brings the bottle back to my mouth and the process repeats until the bottle is empty. I'm still dehydrated, but the water did remedy my dry throat.

Yuta's suddenly caring nature is comforting yet confusing. I don't know if this means I'm safe for the day or not.

"Now isn't that better?" Yuta smiled at me and in that moment, I couldn't feel the pain from yesterday. Either that or the Oxy was kicking in faster than I expected.

"So, you know why you're here. We know about you and Lucas and what happened that night. We just want you to fill in some of the gaps for us." Yuta spoke quietly, as if he were doing his best to not be heard by his boss or even by the man with blue highlights sitting next to him.

"Now these guys wanted to use more violent means to get you to talk, especially this guy right here," Yuta uses one hand to not so subtly block his other hand as it points to a scowling Doyoung.

"But from what I can remember, your face is far too lovely to subject it to any sorts of permanent mutilation and I think yesterday was enough pain to last a lifetime. Am I right?"

I looked up at him as I processed his words.

"But here's the thing," He continued.

"The only way that I can promise that your pretty little face won't be further....um mutilated, is if you answer our questions honestly. Understand?"

I remained silent.

Yuta sighed.

"Look, you're going to have to speak in order to answer us," He reminded.

"If you don't, then I'll be forced to let my friend here use his own methods of questioning, and I guarantee you do not want that. Now let's try again. Do you understand, princess?"

I swallow hard and notice that my throat has suddenly become dry again.

"I... I understand," I finally reply.

"Good!" Yuta exclaims.

"Let's get started."

"First question. How did you and Lucas meet?" Yuta asked.

I knew that I couldn't be honest if I wanted to get out of there alive. I couldn't let them know that I killed Lucas. Somehow convincing them that there was a mistake and they had the wrong person was my only option. I knew that if I said anything that they knew was untrue, that I would be screwed so I decided that telling them pieces of the truth, was my best route.

"At Kitchen Beat Bar," I answered.

Yuta looked at Doyoung and nodded.

So, they are testing me. I thought to myself.

"How long have you known him?" Yuta continued.

I didn't know how to answer. How long have I known him? I only met him once and now he's dead. And did he say have or had? No, he definitely said have. Are they testing if I know he's dead?

"Y/N?" Yuta noticed my perturbed face

Fuck, I have to give him an answer that doesn't let them know that I know he's dead. Well I did meet him three years ago so...

"Sorry, I was counting. I've known him for three years, but we only met once," I finally responded.

Yuta looked at me as if he was surprised by my answer.

"Do you remember the exact date you met him?"

"I remember that it was September, but no, I do not know the date,"

Yuta raised an eyebrow.

"September three years ago?" Yuta asked, seemingly more to himself than to me.

He looked at Doyoung.

"What was the nature of your relationship with Lucas?" Yuta continued questioning me.

I looked up at Yuta confused by the question.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

Yuta looked at me and smirked.

"Well, at first we thought you might have been in love with him, but your story so far suggests otherwise."

"In love with him?!" I can't help but cry out at the suggestion that I was in love with such a vile man. I realized that I had to be more careful with my answers. I couldn't just blurt out anything. I have to be smart with my answers.

Yuta's eyes widen along with his smirk as if he were amused by my answer.

"Interesting! And here I thought that he was your boyfriend. I mean it would have made sense since he gave you that necklace, but the fact that you met him around the time the incident occurred, it seems like you're telling the truth, princess."

Oh no. I'm an idiot. I just confirmed their suspicions with my answers. Now they know that I was with Lucas before he was killed. If they thought we were dating then maybe I would have been able to convince them I didn't kill him. I'm so stupid.

"Let's move on to that night, shall we?" Yuta spoke up again.

"What night?" I asked in an attempt to feign ignorance.

"Don't play dumb princess. I'm talking about the night the murder took place," Yuta cooed.

My heart dropped to my stomach. I didn't know how to act, where to look at, what to say, or how to breathe. I was fucked in every sense of the word.

Yuta saw my reaction and he knew he caught me.

He stepped closer to me and I was afraid he was going to hurt me or something, but he just walked behind me and brought his lips to my ear.

"You do realize we have you, right?"

My breathing stopped completely as I waited for his next words.

"You wanna get out of here alive, don't you?"

I nodded.

"It's not too late for that. You can still live to see outside of this room, princess. All you have to do is tell us everything you know. Understand?"

What did he mean? Does he think I'm stupid? There is no way that they are going to let the girl who killed the leader of their associated gang go free just because she was honest about it. The only thing I can do now is tell them the truth and hope they give me the mercy of a quick death.

"I understand."

"Were you hired?"

"No."

"Then why did you do it?"

"It was an accident."

"Princess, I've seen the body and I've seen the texts. That was no accident."

My eyes dart to the mafia boss in the corner as I process what Yuta just said. He noticed the puzzlement in my eyes, but remained still.

I turn my head as much as I can to look at Yuta.

"W-what texts?"

Yuta laughs as he repositions himself in front of me.

"The texts you sent to draw IU out of the ball that night. We've all seen them. We know that you told her to meet a girl matching your exact description. Are you trying to tell us that it was a different foreigner?" Yuta laughed at his sarcastic suggestion.

"Who is IU?"

Everyone in the room's gazes shot to meet mine.

A loud screeching sound entered the room as Jaehyun stood up from his chair, pushing it back.

"Boss?" Doyoung and Yuta both questioned in unison as the pink-haired man started to walk towards me.

I was so confused. Who was IU and what did she have to do with me killing Lucas?

My thoughts were interrupted by a hard slap to my already bruised cheek.

My ears started ringing again.

"Now you start lying?" the man demands.

"You had a chance to get out of here alive and you decide to suddenly screw yourself by pretending to not know who my sister is? Gee, you sure know how to piss me off," he continued.

"What? What are you talking about?" I cry out.

Jaehyun grabbed a fist full of my hair and pulled it back forcing my gaze to move to the ceiling. In my peripheral vision I see him raise his other hand and I brace myself for another hit, but it never comes.

"I'll give you one more chance. There is no way that you are going to survive to see me leave this room, but if you admit what you did and help tell us what we want to know, I'll make it quick."

Seeing that I was as good as dead no matter what I did, I knew there was no point in resisting any further.

"I killed him!" I confessed as tears were streaming down my face.

"I killed Lucas! I'm so sorry." I continued, choking on my sobs.

The fist that was holding my hair retracted, but I didn't notice. I was too panicked of what would happen next and I couldn't control myself. I just kept talking in hopes that after hearing me out, that they would realize I was just a girl in the wrong place at the wrong time.

"He was going to hurt me! I didn't mean to kill him! I just wanted to get away! Please! You have to believe me!"

I looked up but could barely see due to the combination of my swollen eye and the tears which filled them.

I only heard silence as I tried to blink away the tears.

I felt hands touch my face, not in a rough way, but not in a gentle way either. I stopped blinking to see that Jaehyun was the one touching me. He looked frightened by me. His expression was made up of pure shock, but he looked like he was analyzing me as if to try and read my mind.

"What did you say?"

I looked at him and said nothing. Confusion and fear leaving me paralyzed.

"What the fuck did you just say?!" He roared.

I flinched, but he kept my face in place. I hadn't noticed, but he was kneeling so that our gazes were at the same level.

"I killed Lucas," I repeated.

Yuta and Doyoung remained silent.

"You killed Lucas?" Jaehyun repeated my statement quietly under his breath, just loud enough so that all the people in the room could hear.

"Please don't hurt me," I begged

Jaehyun released my face and stood up.

He merely walks away, heading up the staircase, with Yuta and Doyoung hurrying to follow him as he leaves the room.

I was unable to feel grateful that, unlike what Jaehyun had said, I lived long enough to see him exit the room I was being held captive in, because just like that, I am alone again, even more confused and frightened than before.

#jung jaehyun #jaehyun smut #jaehyun mafia #nct #nct 127 #nct dream #wayv #nct mafia #nct 127 mafia #nct mafia au #nct 127 mafia au #wayv mafia au #nct jaehyun #nct smut #wayv smut #kpop

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boymeetsweevil · 4 years

Text

MBD - 04

Grouping: Reader x Yoongi

Word Count: <8k

Summary: Three lessons to be learned: 1) don’t read the comments. Ever. 2) Baking will never let you down. 3) Don’t tease Yoongi.

Warnings/Themes: Angst?? Heavy doses of body image and related unhealthy behaviors, low self-esteem, cyberbullying? May be triggering for some. Some suggestive content. A jealous Yoongi.

part 0, part 1, part 2, part 3

A few more days pass through your break from work. Yoongi stayed with you the morning after coming back from the club to help you nurse your hangover, but he’d been in the dorms and studio since then. This left you with extra time on your hands.

In that time, you visited your best friend and your cousin who both lived deeper in the city, a mere hour’s ride from your apartment in the outskirts. You also got ahead on some work despite the fact that your boss gave you strict warnings about fully enjoying the break after seeing how hard you worked on the project for the quarter. But eventually you ran out work you could do and had nothing left but Netflix and the internet.

As it turns out, being alone with the internet ends up being a horrible set of circumstances. Curiosity and boredom get the best of you, and you find yourself breaking a cardinal rule.

You google Yoongi to see what pops up and get recent news about him being spotted with a lady friend. You know better, but optimism pulls you in and you’re opening up one of the articles. Apparently a fan that snuck into the VIP booth snapped a picture of you dancing with him at the club you went to a few days prior. Yoongi looks handsome with his bare face half obscured by his mask and a soft expression as he looks at you. But you let out a raspy gasp at your picture.

The only good thing about the photo is that your face is turned away from the camera, leaving your identity barely undiscovered. But your neck is coated with sweat, gleaming under the club lights. In the picture, the dance-move you’re doing is frozen, awkward and contorted, your body looks all wrong. With the powerful camera flash, you can see all the spots on your clothes where sweat had accumulated, all the spots where your amateur makeup skills failed. There’s no grace, no elegance, no dignity afforded to you in the photo. It’s not the first time you’ve seen of yourself in a random pap site or careless photos. But it’s by far the worst one you’ve seen.

Like a magnet is drawing you there, even though your stomach already feels like shards of ice are forming inside it, you break a second cardinal rule. You read the comments.

It’s amazing that she feels comfortable looking like that when there’s a literal GOD standing next to her. I could never do that. I wouldn’t even leave the house

Why is something like this allowed when there are much prettier girls to pick from?

I don’t think Yoongi would be stupid enough to date this girl, the picture probably just makes it look like they’re together when they’re obvi not

actually I think this is the same girl in that ##0524 photo. Look (image01) same hairstyle and earrings. I think she just turned into a blimp...

Guys plz be nice u don’t know this person. Maybe she has a really great personality

so? This is what she gets for trying too hard to cling to Yoongi

Yo it’s prolly cuz she’s rich. You see those leggings? I didn’t even think they made them in that size but they’re from that brand IU wears. And they’re like $250 :0

She wasn’t even that pretty before this but now I REALLY don’t get it. Yoongi~~ there are skinnier girls who would suit u better

Load 675 more...

You slam your laptop shut before fumbling for your phone. Breathing levelly, you’re the picture of eerie calm with the exception of the way your hands tremble. You pull up your text messages to text your best friend when you stop yourself. While the company knows that you’re dating, you’re not allowed to disclose any information about Yoongi or the relationship to any third parties. To the public he’s still single despite his dating clause having expired long before you even met. And there’s no way to explain what you’re going through to your friend without bringing up your secret boyfriend’s stardom.

So who can you turn to, you wonder. You can’t tell your friends. You can’t tell your mother either. As much as you love her, she’d spill the secret in minutes out of well-meaning pride. And there’s no way you can tell Yoongi.

Taking a deep breath in through your nose, you hold it for as long as you can before shoving a pillow over your face and screaming. All that’s left to show for the few minutes you spend screaming is the fact that you feel about 1% better and your now-hoarse voice. But the relief doesn’t last. The relief leaves room for heat to rise on your skin. Annoyance fills all your empty spaces. You catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and feel more anger.

Maybe you just aren’t working hard enough and people can just see that. Maybe you just aren’t being productive, you haven’t earned your spot yet. You hop off the bed and look around the room, almost frantic in your search for something to work on and actually improve.

Start with a deep clean, you tell yourself.

Two days later when Yoongi comes over, you’re still in the process of purging your tiny apartment.

“What’s all this,” he kicks gently at the garbage bags full of clothes littering the walkway to your bedroom. You jump at the sound of his voice, having forgotten that he mentioned coming over.

“I’m just doing some tidying up. I started with towel folding videos on YouTube and ended up realizing I have a hoarding problem.”

“I don’t think having dust bunnies under your bed counts as hoarding, but okay.” He searches for some space on your bed to sit in. The duvet’s surface is also covered in a mixture of old clothes and little knick knacks you’ve had since before you graduated college. “I didn’t realize you had so many clothes.”

You watch him pick up a spaghetti string top that you hadn’t gotten around to sorting yet. He gestures towards the two trash bags full of clothes on the floor.

“Put it in that one,” you point to the one furthest from the bed.

“Is this the donate pile?” He folds the shirt almost neatly and places it on the top of the other items with a sympathetic pat.

“Uh, no.”

“Then what is it? Looks like you already have everything you’re keeping,” he peers into your stocked closet.

“That’s actually the...inspiration pile,” you explain quietly.

“What?”

“It’s the stuff I'm gonna keep as motivation for me to lose weight.”

“Oh,” you’re surprised to see what looks like faint disappointment in Yoongi’s eyes as your words register. “I mean...makes sense.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I mean that’s one route you could take.”

“Is there another route?” You turn to face him fully from your spot on the ground with a confused smile. The shoes you were organizing lay unattended.

“Well, you could not lose the weight,” he shrugs.

You avert your gaze to the ceiling, as if the true meaning of his words will be scribed there. It sounds as though he’s suggesting you don’t try to get back down to where you were before the huge project your boss assigned you, but you figure that can’t be it.

“I just mean that you could donate these,” he points at the clothes in the inspiration pile. “Some of them look like they’re brand new—I’ve never even seen you in them. And you could just get some new clothes.”

“You mean like ones that fit me now?”

“Or like before.” He shrugs. “Your style was nice, I don’t know why you changed it.”

“It changed because nothing I had before fits now. So I have to wear this other stuff.” You’re talking about the shapeless sweaters and the monotonous greyscale pants.

“You don’t have to.”

He makes a valid point, but it’s a small one. Besides, there’s something else you’re digging for. “So you really think I should buy bigger clothes?”

“Yes,” he says, like it’s so simple.

“Okay...but these clothes are supposed to be there to motivate me to lose the weight. If I just get a new wardrobe, that’ll mean the motivation is gone.”

“Okay,” he draws out the syllables while waiting to hear what your point is.

“That means I’ll stay like this.”

“What do you mean ‘like this’? What’s wrong with that?”

Your fists clench at your side as you think back to the photos of you in the club. And the comments from the netizens all saying roughly the same thing. With the puzzled way he stands there and looks at you, you feel another wave of frustration rise up. Did he really not see what was happening? Was he really going to make you say it?

“Hey,” he peers down at the veins rearing against the skin of your hands. “I mean it. What’s wrong?”

He gets up like the discussion is about to go somewhere but his phone ringing loudly with the little jingle reserved for one of his producer buddies stops the conversation in its tracks. You take this as a moment to shoo him out your place before your head explodes. Yoongi looks conflicted, he truly does. Still, he answers the call dutifully and gives a few affirmative words to assure that he is going to be at the studio soon and is ready to work. The call is short, but the mood is still tense like an angry, trapped breath.

“I have, like, 5 more minutes before I have to go—”

“You know what? Never mind. You’re clearly busy with studio stuff and I’m...busy too.”

With steely eyes, you take the clothes he was trying to help you with and add them to your own pile. He picks up the few things he brought with him in his brief visit and eyes you like he wants to say more. His gaze lingers over the sides of your face like a regretful touch and you turn to the side to shrug it off.

Another beep from his phone shatters the gossamer thin atmosphere further. He sighs and pulls his phone back out before hunching his shoulders.

“Can I use your laptop to check my email really quickly before I go? They just sent me a file and I can’t open it on my—”

“Yeah, yeah, just take it with you. I don’t need it,” you cut him off and wave a hand in the direction of your computer.

He looks almost upset when he gathers your laptop in his arms with the rest of his things, but doesn’t push the issue any further. The air is too tight for anything, even a genuine goodbye. Your throat is sore with oncoming angry tears and you just want him out.

The door shuts behind him softly, in place of the usual goodbye kiss. You wait until you know he’s gone let it all out.

*** Yoongi opens your laptop when he’s in the back of the car taking him to the studio. It takes him a minute to remember your password, but he logs on with minimal difficulty and the last thing you were looking at pops up obediently.

The rest of your break from work passes without a visit from Yoongi again. It’s not a coincidence. It’s because you turned your phone off for 48 hours and even after you turn it back on, you mute all other notifications and only look at it to check your work email and tell your friends that you’re ‘unplugging for a bit’.

In that time, you get all your clothes sorted. You burn through an entire fitness-based podcast series. You declutter your whole apartment. But there’s still an unpleasant buzzing under your skin that doesn’t go away. Even with the reintroduction of at-home cardio and the shady water fast you did that promised a lifted mood and a loss of 2 pounds.

Then you’re home from work one day, and you find yourself pacing all around the rooms of your place. You’re fed up with bottling things up, but you don’t know what to do with this knowledge. Yes, it’s nice to realize that everything you’d been chasing wasn’t worth the torture you put yourself through, but you can’t seem to get any further. So you try baking. And when that doesn’t put you at ease immediately, you break down and call Yoongi.

Yoongi picks up immediately. Part of you is surprised because he’s been working on new mixtape stuff and when that happens he’s usually unreachable. But another part of you isn’t surprised because, to him, you dropped off the face of the earth after a near-argument and he’s still technically on break from promotions for a little while longer. There’s no reason not to be answering the phone. In spite of all this, his tone is a tentative mix of concern and relief that has you blinking in confusion before curtly telling him you wanted to talk at your place.

He arrives in a defensive cocoon of layers and squared off features. Only one of the two he sheds at the coat rack by your front door before going to find you in the kitchen, just finishing shoving dozens of muffins into the oven.

“Hey,” he says after clearing his throat to make his presence known.

“Hey.” You turn around and remove the oven mitts you’re wearing. “We need to talk about some things.”

“I know,” he chuckles humorlessly. “I saw that shit on your computer.”

Your brow furrows in thought as you recall the last thing you used your laptop for. Recollection comes eventually. Briefly you wonder if Yoongi read past the top comments. If he gave into the urge to comb through every single one to satisfy morbid curiosity. You nod.

“It definitely has to do with that.”

“Fuck what those people are saying. You don’t need to change or to—to keep an inspiration pile.”

At that, you groan. Your fingers tap on the countertop impatiently. “Can you please stop saying stuff like that?”

“What? That you’re perfect the way you are?” He spits.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s not true.”

“Why wouldn’t it be true?”

Frustrated tears well up in the corners of your eyes because while you get that this isn’t an issue he’d ever have to worry about, part of you still don’t understand how he doesn’t get it. He’s trying so hard to be a good, romantic boyfriend that he doesn’t even see how much he misses. It’s supposed to be comforting, you’re sure, but it only infuriates you.

“Because I don’t fucking match you like this!”

He jumps at the sound of your raised voice, eyes wide. “Match me? What the hell?”

“You heard me,” you mumble.

“Yeah, I fucking heard you, but it still doesn’t make any sense. You’re not signed to some stupid contract, you’re not mandated to do anything with your body.”

“Haven’t I, though? I signed that fucking non-disclosure agreement after all. And I get a fucking angry call from your PR agents every time I show up in your pap photos, even though my face is never in them.” At this point you’re pacing again. This time it’s in tight circles in front of your fridge. “You said it yourself, you saw those awful comments. You saw how mad people get when I don’t show myself in just the right way. Those fans ripped me apart, Yoongi.” Your voice cracks and you curse yourself for being an angry crier. Crossing your arms around yourself, you try your best to beat back the tears.

“So you’re going to let a few fans tell you how to feel?”

“A few fans?” You’re close to laughter. “Try six hundred comments on one photo. Six hundred comments about the person who isn’t even the celebrity. And then multiply that by the number of times someone’s caught me at an unflattering angle or when I was bloating or when I started gaining weight back for real. Do the fucking math, Yoongi.”

That shuts him down instantly. Immediately worry replaces the incredulity. “I—how many times has this happened? Is this not the first time?”

You sigh at his ignorance. “No, but this is first time I was dumb enough to read the comments.”

“Why didn’t you say anything the first time something like this happened?” Yoongi’s face is full of distraught guilt. It’s hard for you to look at.

“What do you want me to say? Did you really want to hear me say all this stuff about some of your fans? These are people that love you. And you love them.”

“I love you, too. You know that,” he whispers, voice raw with emotion.

You can only sigh again because you do know. He does love you. He loves you perhaps too much. At this point, it seems like he’s so infatuated with you that he can’t fathom that people would have issues with you. But he’s also so in love with his career that you don’t have the heart to show him the things you’re facing. The dissonance would be too much to add to his already-full plate. And knowing Yoongi, he might do something stupid and get himself in trouble with his own fans. You’d hate to be the cause of something like that in his career.

The oven beeps and you use that as an excuse to escape the way his eyes shine as he contemplates just how much he wasn’t aware of until now.

He leans on the doorframe to watch you pull out the muffins from the oven and drop them unceremoniously onto the stovetop. The muffins are perfectly golden-brown and give off a warm, sweet scent that fills the kitchen quickly. You stand silent with your back to him, shoulders rising with the careful breaths you’re forcing yourself to take.

“Do you still love me,” his voice is small when it floats over to you.

“Ughh,” you claw at your face with your oven mitts. “Of course I do. I wouldn’t have asked you over if I didn’t. But...you have to understand that this is hard for me.”

“And what is ‘this’?

You turn and lean back against the counter, gesturing vaguely with a gloved hand. “This idol thing.” He tilts his head, not understanding. “I just mean that you have this amazing image because you’re out in the spotlight and I don’t want to sully that for you by...not looking like I should.”

“Why do you care about what other people think so much?”

“That’s so easy for you to say when people love you and you look like that. It’s different for regular people.” Your voice cracks once more as the shine lighting up your eyes breaks and runs down your cheeks. “It’s different because I’m already not deserving of you in their eyes. I can’t be regular and not look perfect.”

His hard demeanor softens at the sound of your sniffles and he comes to pull you into his chest, smoothing over your back. “Baby, there’s nothing wrong with the way you look.”

“I know that,” you sob. “I know that there’s nothing wrong with me, but you’ve seen what people say on those stupid forums. No amount of self-confidence could protect anyone from that shit.”

“Can I ask you something,” he says softly after a few aching moments of listening to you try to rein in your breathing.

“Y-yeah.”

“Who are the most important people in your life?”

“Huh?” You look up at him with watery lashes and he wonders how you could ever find fault with what you see in the mirror.

“Whose opinion matters to you most?”

“I don’t know,” you rub wet cheeks against the fabric of his top and think. “My boss since he pays me, obviously. And coworkers, I guess. My friends, definitely. My family, although they’re pretty easy to ignore.” He snorts. “A-and you,” you add on at the end hastily.

He gives you a sad smile when you look up at him. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“I mean...doesn’t how you feel matter? You just listed a bunch of other people.”

“Of course what I feel matters,” you say suddenly. You push back from him to clear your head. The tears have stopped flowing, though your cheeks are still wet. “I just can’t go through the world only ever hearing or caring about what I think. But I like myself, Yoongi.”

He nods seriously.

“Even if it doesn’t seem like it because I’m shy sometimes, or quiet. I like myself. But it still hurts to have people tell me they think I shouldn’t. I’m not the type of person who doesn’t react when people attempt to hurt me. That’s the part that hurts the most, I think. Knowing that it was their goal all along.”

“I get that. Or,” He purses his lips, “I think I do. I want to get it, anyway.”

You give him a weak smile because he’s cute, even in moments like this.

He squeezes your hand before bringing it to his lips. It’s not quite a kiss, just him brushing his lips against your skin while he talks. “But I still want to be there for you. And I hate that I could only guess when you were hurting.”

“I should have told you, but I was embarrassed.”

“Why would you be embarrassed?” He moves back to pull up a chair at your dining room table. His gaze is genuine and engaged as he looks to you for an answer.

“I’ve been dieting since the company approved us dating privately. This is the first time I’ve been...normal around you. I was worried you’d have this epiphany. That I’m not who you thought I was.”

“Do you remember the first night we met,” he asks all of the sudden.

“Yeah? You came to visit me at work and freaked my supervisor out. She still has that napkin you autographed.”

“That’s not the first night we met,” he shakes his head and chuckles. “We first met at my party. The one your cousin brought you to.”

“Oh, god. I hardly remember that, I was so drunk. I think I blocked it out.”

“You looked like this back then,” he smiles softly at you, memories of that night settling over the surroundings as they play out in front of him.

“Yeah, I know,” you nod softly, eyes averted.

“And you were so pretty that night too.” His gaze turns slightly salacious. “In that little shiny dress you wore—what ever happened to that?”

“You’re dumb,” you shove him with a simpering smile. He merely grins before pulling you slightly closer towards where he’s seated at the kitchen table.

“You still have it?”

“Oh my god, leave me alone.”

He leans into your space, making you duck your head to hide the way your cheeks flare up at his personal attention. Seeing you like this makes something coil in his belly. In due time, he thinks as he backs off. In due time, he’ll really give it to you. But in the meantime he behaves and doesn’t do anything more than intertwine your fingers together.

“I’m donating the clothes from the inspiration bag,” you mumble into his hair.

He pulls back and is careful to keep his face neutral. “Yeah?”

“I did a lot of thinking. And I realized that I don’t think I can say I really like myself if I keep forcing myself into this...mold.”

His brows furrow, lips pouting prettily as he focuses on following your train of thought. “So, what does that mean now?”

“So, this is me. For a long time probably, unless something major happens. I’m telling you so it can sink in. This is your out.”

“Okay,” he stands up from his chair slowly. Large, warm hands come to cup your face tenderly. “And this is me telling you I don’t want an out.”

“Okay,” you breathe out a sigh of relief so deep you don’t know where it came from.

“Glad that much is worked out,” he says before planting a sweet kiss on your cheek. “Hey.”

“What?”

“Can I have a muffin?”

You roll your eyes but go and get a plate from the cabinet. He watches you carefully as you hesitate at the oven before gingerly putting two muffins on the plate. When you return to the table, you mumble something about just wanting to see if they came out good and he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he takes a bite of one of your rare instances of culinary genius. He lets out a moan that makes your eyes widen and you take a bite before nodding to yourself.

“Just open a bakery already,” he says with a semi-full mouth and reaches out with grabby hands until you get the message to leave your chair. He pulls you into his lap and you try not to feel too self-conscious as you settle your thighs on top of his own. His hand lands on top of your lap casually, large hands splaying out on top to squeeze affectionately at the softness he finds there.

You worry you’re cutting off the blood supply to his legs but he sits happily with you in his lap and even kicks a little rhythm out while finishing his muffin. You get up and he snags the untouched part of your muffin before pulling his phone out of his pocket.

There’s a stream of messages in the group chat asking about his whereabouts and what he wants to do tonight. He answers that he’s with you and the other members all complain about how long it’s been since you visited them. Jungkook even tells Yoongi to bring you over to his place since they’re having a small kickback with just themselves and your post-break workload is still light. He purses his lips and asks for a raincheck, not wanting to push you into being on just yet.

***

A few days pass and the messages get more and more annoying as the other members whine about not having seen neither Yoongi nor you in far too long. So during one of the last days of their break, while he’s trying to dictate a cookie recipe to you, he breaks down at the 13th ping from his phone in a short period.

“Do you want to come hang out with me and the guys tonight?”

Normally if you’re invited over, you jump at the chance because you love getting out of your apartment and you like seeing Yoongi in his element with the people he’s closest to. But you don’t jump on the invitation now because it’s been so long since you last saw the guys and you know that you looked different then.

“I don’t know,” you fold toasted almonds into the cookie dough.

“Why not?”

“You know why,” you sigh. “And as nice as they are, I don’t really want to deal with the ‘did you do something with your hair’ or ‘wow you look so different’ comments.”

“They’re not gonna say that, they’re not total assholes. Look, if anyone says or does anything stupid, I’ll rip them a new one and take you back here.”

You purse your lips while you think it over. “And then will you stay the night?”

“If something stupid happens, I’ll cancel my studio appointment and stay over,” he smiles at you, eyes crinkling. “I’ll tell them we’re on our way now.”

“I can’t leave now,” your hands flutter up as you go from 0 to 60. “I’m a mess, I need to—”

“It’s just the guys. There’s literally no one there worth impressing. I would know.”

“Fine,” you groan. “Just let me change. I’m covered in flour.”

In your room, you find yourself unsure of what to put on. You no longer have any of the clothes you used to wear when you needed to feel like you objectively looked good. But you do have the gorgeous leggings Yoongi gifted you. You switch out your current shirt for a cleaner one and slip on a pair you’ve become obsessed with.

Yoongi punches in the code to the front door of Jungkook’s apartment while you hold the tin of cookies you made. Your fingers slip against the container due to having grown a bit clammy on the ride over. It took a heinous amount of time to wrap them in a way that would keep them warm all during the ride across the city. And now you’re nervous despite the fact that Yoongi sensed it in the car and hurled reassurance after reassurance at you.

But when Namjoon pulls the door open and greets both of you with a smile and a hug and no weird looks, you let out a tiny sigh of relief.

The guys crowd around you after Yoongi announces that you baked. Hoseok mumbles to himself about Yoongi hiding you purposefully so he could hoard your baking and takes two cookies for good measure. Jungkook says thank you politely before splitting one with Jimin. Taehyung takes two for himself and Namjoon and tells you ‘welcome back’. While the rest of the members snack, you count off the remaining sweets in the container and realize you didn’t give any to Jin.

The oldest member is standing in the hallway, drinking from a glass of water and scrolling through his phone when you find him. He must not have gotten the memo that you arrived, so you make your presence known by softly clearing your throat.

“Long time no see,” you smile at Jin.

He peers at you over the rim of his glass for a few long beats and you work to keep your smile natural. You can’t help but worry that he’s looking at the way you’ve has changed since he last saw you, chiseling away at the outside to see the familiar you he knows underneath.

“I guess it has been,” he finally says when he drains his glass. He leans back to rest his back on the wall. “Whatcha got there?”

“Oh, um, they’re just some cookies I made today. Yoongi had been bugging me about making them and I gave some to the others. I just thought I’d see if you wanted any.”

“I’ve always liked your baking.” He reaches out and plucks a cookie from the tin. A second later half of the cookie is gone. He chews thoughtfully.

“This is a new recipe, so I don’t know if it’s as good as it could be. I haven’t had much time for experimenting in the kitchen with work up until now so they might be—”

“I can only imagine how good they were when they first came out of the oven,” he finishes the rest and cuts your rambling off.

You stand there, oddly nervous, while he chews. When he finishes, he watches you fiddle with the lid so the cookies don’t get stale.

“Something’s changed about you,” Jin says finally, his eyes moving from your hair to your toes. You nearly drop the tin in your fumbling, and cringe from both the comment and your clumsiness.

“Yeah, I... gained some weight recently,” you blurt out in the hopes that it’ll be less uncomfortable if you’re the one to say it. But it’s not.

“Hmm,” Jin’s eyes rove over you more thoroughly, making you stand ramrod straight. “I don’t think that’s it. It’s something else, I think.”

“Oh. Well I don’t know, then.”

“What’s going on,” Yoongi’s voice creeps into the mix.

When you turn your head, you’re greeted with the sight of Yoongi in the doorway. He looks comfortably settled against the doorframe, like he’s been there for a while. His gaze isn’t directed at you, but at Jin, you realize. A quick glance back shows that they’re both looking at one another.

“Nothing. We were just talking.” Jin shrugs before walking over to you. A hand on the small of your back brings you with him and up to Yoongi.

Yoongi fixes Jin with a narrowed stare. “The guys were wondering where you both were. They want to play a game together.”

“We were here. No need to worry about us.”

“Well, why don’t you go in and tell them that? I’m gonna speak with my girlfriend.”

Jin gives him an amused smile before giving you a two-fingered captain’s salute and heading to the living room. It might have seemed dorky if anyone had done it, but you marvel over how cool he makes the gesture look. Yoongi turns to you then and takes in your distant expression.

“He didn’t say or do anything to make you uncomfortable, did he? Jin sometimes is a total asshole.”

“No, he—well, he said I looked different.”

“Do you want me to beat him up,” he steps forward to rest his hands on your shoulders. “Because I can, just say the word.”

“It’s really okay. He said it wasn’t just the weight. That it was something else.”

Yoongi’s lips thin as he tries to look for some other message in your words. “I don’t know what the hell that means.”

“It probably didn’t mean anything bad. Just let it go.”

Yoongi nods but takes both your hands in his to kiss them. You lead the way to the living room, feeling a little more like you can handle the night. There’s not much space with all seven members and you. You end up seated away from Yoongi, on the couch between Jungkook and Jin.

Somehow you get roped into playing some Mario game with two teams. You don’t know anything about video games, but you listen to Jungkook’s instructions carefully when you get one of the controllers because he’s one of your teammates. You’re not very good, though. Jin, your team captain, eventually has to maneuver his hands over yours so your character does the right thing.

“You sure you didn’t change your makeup style or something,” Jin asks during one of the rounds where you’re supposed to be playing against Hoseok.

The question takes you by surprise and you turn toward the sound of his voice only to realize just how close he is when he’s acting as a gaming coach of sorts.

“Uh, no. Why?”

“Dunno,” he doesn’t look at you while he converses with you. He’s watching the screen with a hawk-like focus. “You just look prettier than I remember.”

You stutter around nothing, not sure what to say. In the end you settle for saying nothing, though you do spare Yoongi a glance. His gaze must have already been directed at you because you make eye contact immediately. Knowing that he’s probably just making sure you’re having an okay time, you give him a thumbs up and attempt to make Kirby spin on the large screen in front of you.

The night stays that same level of odd. No one else does anything out of the ordinary, barring Jin. He’s strangely attentive even after you get the hang of playing enough to take full control of the controller. After that point, he still slings an arm across the back of the couch, which makes full contact with your shoulders because of how tightly packed you all are on the couch. And when he wants your attention, he makes a habit of brushing his hand down your arm and sometimes leaving it there.

You figure you just don’t spend enough time with Jin to get used to him. But you’ve seen enough interactions between him and the younger members to know how touchy-feely they are with each other. Maybe you’re just enough of an extension of Yoongi to be included in that touching. So you try your hardest not to question it. It’s just nice to know you've been accepted that much and you start to lean into the touch like you would with your own friends.

Soon enough you’re taking part in the high fives that melt into hand holding when you score a goal.

‘Quite a feat for a beginner’, Jin tells you.

Yoongi watches from across the room as your face lights up once again from Jin’s praise. You look like you’re having wholesome fun and the urge to interrupt that is what kills him. But what kills him more is the way Jin’s thumb strokes gently against the curve of your flank as he gestures to something on the screen while Jungkook takes a turn with the controller.

He didn’t think he was the jealous type, but when Taehyung orders pizza one painful hour later, Yoongi’s come to the realization that he’s much more selfish than he knew. Jin whines until you let him feed you a bite of the pepperoni pizza on his plate, knowing you’re too nice to say no. You think this is run of the mill behavior, but even Jimin raises his eyebrows at the display before peering at Yoongi’s furious profile.

The last straw, though, is when Jin wipes a trickle of grease from the corner of your mouth and waits until you’ve turned your head to say something to Jungkook before sucking the residue off. At that, Yoongi stands up abruptly, nearly toppling over the empty box that was near his knees.

“It’s getting late,” he answers the curious stares watching him trudge over to you. “We should head out now if we still want to get back to your place at a decent hour.”

“Oh,” your eyes are wide, “You don’t have to. I know you wanted to do your thing in the studio tomorrow. I should be fine on my own,” you hint back to the promise he made to stay over if the night was a bust.

“I changed my plans already, so I’ll go later in the week. Come on, let’s call a car and go.”

“I can drive you guys. I brought my car,” Jin offers suddenly. His arm is back to resting behind your shoulders. And because his fingers are close enough to graze your shoulder, they do.

“You really don’t have to,” Yoongi bites out. His stare is potent with silent accusation.

“Yoongi, why not? Jin’s place is across the bridge from mine. It actually makes some sense, and I was getting kinda tired. If we wait for a car, I might not be able to get up early enough to go to that brunch spot you mentioned.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Jin claps his hands with finality and gets up from the couch before extending his hand out to you. Much to Yoongi’s chagrin, you take his hand like it’s a genuine gesture of chivalry.

Jin somehow manages to get you to sit up in the passenger’s seat with him, leaving Yoongi to fume in the backseat. Occasionally Jin’s eyes will meet his in the rear view mirror and they’ll crinkle with impish amusement before returning to caressing your silhouette.

“So,” Jin says once he gets on the freeway. “Is our Yoongi treating you good?”

You laugh because you don’t see the game at play. “Of course he is. He’s the best boyfriend I could have asked for.” Yoongi’s resolve softens momentarily at your sincere tone. “I love him, even when he gets weird like tonight.” That comment has Jin cackling.

“You know,” he says once his laughter dwindles down, “I actually had the flu the day of Yoongi’s party. The day you guys met.”

“That explains why I didn’t actually see you there. I remember everyone else being there, though.” You gaze wistfully out the window. “I was too shy to talk to any of you guys then.”

“That’s okay. If I had been there, I would have talked to you.”

“That would have been a fun night, I bet.”

“Yeah,” he makes sure Yoongi’s looking in the rearview mirror. “Who knows how close we’d be today if I hadn’t gotten sick.”

Yoongi’s cheek nearly bleeds with force of his teeth gnawing on the inside. If he could, he’d reach forward and throttle Jin. But he’s driving so that’s not an option.

The torture doesn’t last much longer because about 10 minutes later you’re directing Jin to the parking garage of your apartment complex. The goodbyes are annoyingly drawn out and Jin manages to invite himself to brunch the next morning. All the while, Yoongi stands behind you, dying to get inside and away from the eldest member.

Finally, the door gets slammed shut before Jin can say something stupid about seeing you both tomorrow. Yoongi gives the door a smug look and then turns to catch a flash of your eyebrows raised in amusement. His eyes narrow and he approaches you slowly as you shrug off your layers in an almost too mundane way.

“What’s so funny,” he drawls. He attempts to peer at your face only for you to keep whipping it away every time he gets too close.

“Nothing,” you turn and give him your back while you smooth over your already made bed. “It’s just interesting watching you with Jin. I never really get to see you guys together.”

“What’s interesting about it?”

Yoongi starts unbuttoning his own outer layers with painstaking care, giving you ample time to twitch under the weight of his gaze. You fight to keep a smile from sneaking onto your face, but it’s too hard and you let your lips turn up in a little grin. He can’t see it, but he can hear it in your voice.

“You’re just cute when you’re mad.”

A muscle in Yoongi’s jaw jumps.

“You noticed that I was mad, huh?” He shirks off his jacket roughly, sulking in his subtle way. Luckily—or perhaps not luckily—you’ve come to recognize it well.

“I did.” Your voice is high and steady as you remove your sweater, leaving you in a soft and worn t-shirt. “I’ll admit it was entertaining. A little bit.”

“Is that so?” He hums.

“I mean, I don't know what you were mad about. But I could tell it wasn’t about something serious.”

He merely nods and watches you fidget. You peer at him through the side of your eye and see him meticulously undoing the clasp of his watch. From the way he moves slowly through the process of undressing for bed, you can tell something’s coming.

“Let me ask you something, then.”

“O-okay.”

“Is Jin still your favorite?”

“Are you kidding?”

You have to stop hunting for pajamas at your dresser and turn to him to see if he’s in fact kidding. But he looks dangerously serious, and you have to fight to keep your eyes from rolling.

“That’s what this is about? All this sulky Yoongi is because of that?”

“Just answer the question,” he shrugs his shoulders lightly.

Supposedly he’s calm and collected and not jealous, but his eyes are sharp as they zero in on you. Easily, he pushes himself off the wall he was leaning on. The steps he takes toward you are measured and slow. You still find yourself holding your breath as he comes to sit benignly on the bed across from you. It’s something he does sometimes when you’re getting dressed or undressed. Because ‘he likes the view’, he usually says. But tonight it makes you grab the first thing that you find out of your pajama drawer so you’re not leaving your back vulnerable.

“Of course he’s not my favorite anymore. I haven’t felt that way since before we got together.”

“I was just wondering.”

“Yoongi,” you sigh and pull the old t-shirt off to replace it with a sleep shirt. “When you asked me who my favorite was half a year ago I didn’t realize you were flirting with me. And I didn’t really know much about the group either.”

He nods like he thinks what you’ve said is completely reasonable and you stuff your legs through some of your yoga pants roughly. When you finish, you’re still standing defensively on the other side of the room. He looks up at you and beckons you over without a word. You feel compelled to move forward. Unsure of what would happen if you didn’t humor him.

When you’re finally approaching the V of his parted legs, he motions for you to sit next to him on the bed. You do.

“You know,” he begins slowly, “You looked like you were having a great time tonight.”

“Oh,” you blink. “Yeah, I was having fun. Even though it took a while for me to win a round. And even then I think Hoseok might have let me win.”

“Was Jin a good teacher?”

“Yeah, he was a good teacher.”

“I bet he was. He had a good student. He looked like he was enjoying himself.”

“Maybe,” you tap your finger on your chin pensively. “It didn’t seem like he hated having to show me how to play.”

“No, trust me, he was enjoying it.” Yoongi’s tone dips audibly, and you stop yourself when you realize what he’s implying.

“God, Yoongi, stop it. It wasn’t like that. He was just being nice.”

“I’ve known Jin a long time. I know what he looks like when he’s flirting. It started as soon as you walked through the door.”

“That’s crazy,” you mumble. But then you think of all the lingering touches and glances again and it clicks. “He...he was probably just trying to rile you up. Jin likes to mess with people sometimes. You’re always saying that.”

Yoongi pins you with an odd look. It’s partly amused, partly pitying. Then it turns cold. “You know, Jin’s been sweet on you since I first introduced you. The first night you met, he told me he used to date someone who looked a bit like you when he was younger, before debuting.”

“Oh my god,” you whisper again.

“You really didn’t know?” Yoongi leans in so the words practically brush against the skin of your cheek. “He was shoving himself all over you the whole night and you didn’t notice?”

You shake your head, at a loss for words. His hand finds its way to your opposite arm, pulling you closer to him.

“Hmm,” he hums in acknowledgment.

Then Yoongi’s lips are pressing gently to the skin of your neck. There’s a hint of something in the kisses that makes them feel a bit too heated to be chaste. At first you think it’s gratitude, but when you turn your head to meet his lips with your own, it’s clear that it’s not just that. His tongue snakes in between your lips, and you let it happen as you turn the evening’s events over in your memory.

“Yoongi,” you whisper between kisses.

“Hmm?” His large hands are splayed low over the swell of your back, a pinky finger just barely dipping under the waistband of your pants.

“I think I did know.”

“Huh?”

“I think as soon as he said that thing in the car—about being in your place—I knew he wasn’t just being friendly anymore.”

“Yeah?” he mumbles against your lips.

Taking you by surprise, he pushes deeper into your mouth until he’s stealing your breath. His lips are plush but insistent. And you’re conflicted. But suddenly he’s pulling away with a damp mouth and a firm grasp on your hip.

“You knew and made me sit through all that and then invited him to brunch in front of me?” He nips at your lax mouth. “That’s not very nice.”

“I know,” you sigh.

“Don’t you think you should be punished, then?” When you pull away looking like he’s grown a second head, he shrugs mildly and like he didn’t just threaten to take you over his knee. “Or not. Your choice.”

#bangtan bookclub #networkbangtan #yoonginetwork #hyunglinenetwork #btswriters #yoongi imagines #yoongi scenarios #yoongi fanfic #bangtan scenarios #bangtan imagines #bangtan fanfic #bts scenarios #bts imagines #bts fanfic

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goldenkamuyhunting · 4 years

Text

Ramblings and crazy theory time about GK chap 236 “King”

And so in this chapter we learn something important about how someone was…

…yeah, an unreliable narrator as there was more than a bit of trouble in Barato and it was caused by a tattooed skin, tattooed skin he left there. Still, kudos to @bloody-fabre for guessing Wakayama was the one to blame for the skin which ended in Barato.

There’s to say the situation is much more complicate than what it looked like when we first met Wakayama and a side of me is very happy that a arc that seemed to go nowhere (the Wakayama arc didn’t seem to have effects on the plot beyond giving Sugimoto an extra skin) is now becoming a relevant part of the plot.

But let’s dig into the chapter.

We resume where we have left, with Boutarou and Sugimoto fighting.

Despite the punch Boutarou doesn’t even let go of his gun but hurries to point it to Sugimoto. Sugimoto however put to good use his experience as a war veteran and grabs the gun in such a way not only he manages to move it slightly away from his face but also takes care to place his hand between the hammer and the bullet, so that when Boutarou pushes the trigger, the gun can’t fire.

Hand-to-hand combat is where Sugimoto excels after all, with tons of life threatening battles on the battleground, surrendered by other soldiers all willing to kill him. It’s in these moments Sugimoto’s six sense and experience, let him find a safe way out in the blink of an eye.

It’s kind of amazing as he just knows how to do.

This is not being a tactician genius though, that requires long term planning. Sugimoto doesn’t have the time to plan, he’s just a man who, when in extreme danger in a hand-to-hand fight, can find the right countermeasure in a blink thanks to his huge experience and talent in this sort of things.

Give Sugimoto two days to think of a plan and he likely will come up with only a vague idea of what to do. Give Sugimoto five second to stop a fatal blow and he’ll come up with the perfect method to stop it and, if possible, to retaliate.

So, now that he has stopped Boutarou from firing, Sugimoto tries to retrieve the gun from himself and at the same time damaging his enemy by attempting to cut away his fingers from it with his bayonet.

Who has good memory might remember Sugimoto doing the same with Nihei, cutting his fingers to stop him from holding his weapon.

(Japanese people knew very well how big of a harm it was to lose fingers, that’s why Yakuza used to cut the pinkie of a Yakuza who failed them, because afterward he would have troubles holding his sword)

Boutarou though isn’t a rookie either.

He’s quick enough to let go the now useless gun, so that all that Sugimoto’s bayonet hit is the gun itself and uses his powerful legs to kick Sugimoto hard enough not only he send him flying against the wooden railing but makes it partially crack. As someone who can jump out of the water like the merman he obviously is Boutarou clearly has strong legs and if he had kicked that way another men, the poor guy might have been sent out of commission.

Meanwhile the postman is still shooting like crazy, Boutarou’s accomplice swearing he’ll kill him but, thanks God (or should I say thanks Kamuy?), Asirpa is there to save the day.

She calls him and hurries him to come with her, telling him there’s spare ammunition there, then catches her chance to retrieve Sugimoto’s rifle and kick him off the boat at the same time, forcing him to swim away.

Asirpa is a genius and this constitute as planning as she considered her options, laid out a trap for the postman and put it to work.

Boutarou, on the other side, has recovered his anchor and is tossing it at Sugimoto, who manages to avoid it before Asirpa reaches him. Sugimoto worriedly asks her if she’s hurt.

I wonder if he realized how, while he was busy punishing Boutarou for putting her in danger, he had left her to fend for herself as Boutarou had an accomplice and that postman was completely out of it.

Boutarou’s accomplice informs him the postman has escaped leaving behind the money.

Shiraishi in a scolding tone stops Sugimoto from fighting further, reminding him there’s something they have to ask Boutarou.

This is the problem with Sugimoto losing control and getting himself into battle. In his attempt to ‘avenge Asirpa’ he had left her on her own and has risked jeopardizing his chances to get info out of Boutarou. His actions weren’t a smart move, they were just the result of his feelings overtaking him.

However, after a moment of hesitation, Sugimoto now makes a powerful and rather smart gesture, throwing Boutarou’s gun in the water.

Why is it a powerful gesture?

Because normally it’s assumed that the one with a gun is at a huge advantage toward the one who haven’t it. By tossing it away and therefore by apparently tossing away an advantage, Sugimoto gives a clear demonstration of not having aggressive intentions and only wanting to talk.

Why is it rather smart?

Because Sugimoto is rather bad with firearms and much, MUCH better with his bare hands and therefore for him the gun is more of a disadvantage than a help as it keeps one of his hands busy and, if he were to lose it by mistake, Boutarou could manage to get it back.

Boutarou accepts the truce with another of his smiles, acknowledging Sugimoto by his name. I wonder if his name also rang a bell or he’s just repeating it to make sure he would remember it/got it right.

‘Omae… Sugimoto tte iu no ka’

「お前… 杉元っていうのか」

“You… are called Sugimoto, right?”

We’ll see.

Honestly I doubt Boutarou heard of Sugimoto before but it’s possible. Everyone and their mom know Sugimoto in the 7th so that they could even open a fanclub. People talk and maybe rumours of Sugimoto had reached Boutarou as well. But still i think it’s unlikely, as Boutarou didn’t act as Sugimoto’s name rang a bell.

Meanwhile Shiraishi asks for clarifications about what Boutarou said on how there’s a rumour about how it’s no more possible to solve the code, also asking him if, due to it, he’s no more collecting tattoos.

In the panel we can see clearly Shiraishi and Sugimoto. Asirpa is present too but she’s in it only partially due to her head and due to the ballons covering her partially, hinting at how in a way she’ll be cut out from the discussion even if she saved the day.

Boutarou tells Shiraishi that a little over one year ago he met Wakayama in Sapporo… and approached him planning to murder and skin him. From the way the scene looks like, with Boutarou naked on a bed, I’ll say his way to approach him, was to try to seduce him.

Wakayama though, evidently realized something was off, had his men encircle him. Among them there’s Nakazawa (princess), while the others are all dressed in black suits with sunglasses (okay, no, they don't have sunglasses, it's just their eyes are so deeply shadowed they seem to wear sunglasses, which fits with the stereotype of Yakuza wearing them so I love Noda's visual choice).

Wakayama tells him that the code can’t be solved. He then explains he killed (and skinned) one of the tattooed men just after he escaped but then dropped by to Barato and left it as a payment for a game he lost.

As he says so we see the same image we saw in the Barato chapter, showing how the Hidoro gang got the skin, but not showing it was Wakayama giving it to them.

As Boutarou asked him why he did so, Wakayama claims the tattooed code can’t be solved because the other convicts might have ended up in the sea and be swallowed by a fish (and at this we’re shown an image of Henmi meeting this fate) or killed by a bear on the mountain (and at this we’re shown an image of Gotou).

Or that a certain weird guy (which I bet is our dear candy seller) might ruin it on purpose.

Long story short, Wakayama leaves without skinning him, which convinces Boutarou he was sure that the tattoo code couldn’t be decrypted.

At this Asirpa is reminded of how the candy peddler commented that ‘Boss Wakayama’s disappointed face was pretty great too, though’.

Shiraishi also whispers to Sugimoto that this might be connected to what Asirpa overheard the candy peddler saying, both of them sweating as, after this story, the possibility he was right, seems even more concrete.

And maybe it means nothing but in the panels, even though the group thinks exactly the same thing Asirpa is visually ‘parted’ from Sugimoto and Shiraishi.

They’re in separate panels, the panel with the candy peddler divising them.

Now… let’s stop a bit and recap what we knew about Wakayama and the Barato skin PRIOR TO THIS CHAPTER.

Time unknown (It could be before Wakayama was arrested or afterward): Wakayama entered a gambling den by chance and was charmed by Nakazawa’s (Hime’s) skill in rolling the dice. After an initial refusal, Nakazawa betrayed his group, ran away to Wakayama’s place, spent a hot night together, but the yakuza pursuers were already outside… we’ve no idea how it ended as Noda interrupted the story here. [Noda Satoru’s Q&A]

FEBRUARY

- Wakayama escapes with the other prisoners… [GK according to Noda begins at the end of February, the convicts, supposedly, escaped a bit sooner than that]

MARCH

- Wakayama with a young man drops by in Sapporo World Hotel. Ienaga locks the younger man in the underground and tortures him, and the guy admits that the man he was with has the same tattoo as Ienaga and is an escaped convict from Abashiri. When Ienaga goes to check on him the morning after Wakayama has disappeared, supposedly planning to go in Hidaka to meet an American named Dun. [The guys went to Ienaga’s hotel in April, she said Wakayama was there a month before] [Chap 55-63]

APRIL

- Things escalates in Barato between the Hidoro gang and the Umakichi gang after a guy went to their gambling hall, lost a lot of money and left a tattooed skin as a collateral. Nagakura, Hijikata and Ogata went there and manage to retrieve the skin from Hidoro. [Chap 55-59]

- Wakayama buys horses from Dun [chap 69: When meeting Wakayama again, Dun said he’s the guy who bought horses from him a month before]

- Kiroranke takes part to the Tomakomai race on Wakayama’s horse in place of the jockey who has escaped. However, instead than throwing away the final race he wins it. [Chap 61-62]

May:

- While trying to deal with 3 bears Sugimoto group ends up hiding in the same place in which Wakayama and Nakazawa (Princess) had met the guys who organized the race. Wakayama explains the oddity of him not having men around with sending all of his men to Barato to help a guy in Barato who did him some favors. It’s unclear if the guy is Hidoro or Umakichi but I would say it’s Umakichi as the visual shows him.

It also turns out it was Nakazawa who exposed the heads in plain view because Wakayama cheated on him with a prostitute.

It also turns out the prostitute ended up being killed, although Nakazawa denies killing anyone (was it Jack who killed the prostitute? I wonder... after all Jack kills prostitutes in Sapporo although so far it seems he focused on females).

Wakayama complains he should have left him in Sapporo.

Due to various happening Wakayama and Nakazawa die, Wakayama’s skin ending up in Sugimoto’s hands. [Chap 65-69: Noda said chap 64 is placed in May]

And this is were I thought Noda placed the words ‘THE END’ to Wakayama’s story.

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Turned out that’s not the case.

In fact, whose info made it look like Wakayama had no interest in the skins, in fact he was back handling his betting business instead than searching for convicts, which made me think it would be weird if he had taken his time collecting a skin and then… dropped it somewhere, as if it were to be useless.

I mean, if he went through the trouble of getting that one skin, I would expect the guy who beat a bear wouldn’t let it go easily.

However this chapter and chapter 233 added some interesting info to Wakayama’s story.

The first is that yes, Wakayama in the beginning wanted to collect the tattooed things but then something, or more likely ‘someone’ (read ‘our dear candy peddler’) persuaded him that it would be impossible to do it, suddenly making the skin he had collected to look worthless.

Hence it was possible for Wakayama to have an abrupt change of heart and drop collecting skins.

I wonder if the candy peddler, to persuade him, told him about Henmi’s death, or just showed him he has completely ruined his own tattoo.

Hard to say.

However he and Wakayama likely met pretty early on, likely in March as, by then, while he was in Ienaga’s hotel he was already thinking to go meet Dun to buy horses from him, meaning he wasn’t going to devote all his strength in pursuing convicts but was going back to his horse betting business.

Note that this is just my speculation, I might be completely off and maybe he wanted to pursue both.

We don’t know what pushed him to leave abruptly Ienaga’s hotel, maybe he couldn’t find the man he was with and assumed Nakazawa killed him, or maybe Nakazawa dropped by in his room and he left with him or maybe he was actually penniless and couldn’t pay the bill of the hotel nor the man he came with and left.

Hard to say.

We aren’t even sure back then he was already with Nakazawa as we don’t know when the two met.

However, according to what he says to Boutarou, we’re to suppose he moves to Barato alone, went into a gambling hall, lost a lot of money and left the skin he had with himself as collateral, tattling out the whole tattooed skin matter that could set everyone and their moms hunting for him.

As he did so he clearly didn’t act like a Yakuza boss, Shuhei wasn’t impressed by him and even said they planned to have him work in the fishery, meaning they didn’t realize Wakayama could be a dangerous fighter or even a Yakuza himself.

Why going there alone?

We get he likes to gamble but unless it was Nakazawa who again worked against him as Wakayama complained Nakazawa kept on trying to screw him over it seems weird he would just put himself into a huge debt.

Or did this happen really early on, when Wakayama hadn’t yet managed to reach his underlings?

After all it seems his headquarters are in Sapporo, it can be that moving from Abashiri to Sapporo he just stopped to Barato, which is on the way...

...ended up losing money in the gambling hall and, not wanting to lose face, he hid his own identity.

Anyway, after he left the skin there, he meets Boutarou in Sapporo.

The cover of chap 233 showed Sugimoto and Shiraishi looking at huchen/Adonis flowers, which we know can be observed in April, so if Wakayama and Boutarou’s meeting in Sapporo happened a year before than we supposedly were in April. Boutarou says a little over a year though, so it can be it was in March.

This time Wakayama has plenty of his men around himself, among which Nakazawa.

But figuring out when this meeting exactly takes place becomes hazardous and that’s not the only problem.

When talking with Sugimoto Wakayama declared he went to meet Dun alone because he sent all his men to help someone who helped him in the past (supposedly Umakichi).

As his men were with him when he was in Sapporo we’ve to assume the fight in Barato hadn’t taken place yet (Umakichi will die during it so he can’t really ask for support afterward) so he hadn’t sent his men there yet.

Overall the thing seems to be a bit shaky.

If Umakichi was someone who helped him, why did boss went to bet at Hidoro’s place instead than at a friend’s place? Or was that the moment in which Umakichi helped him? Because Umakichi should have helped him BIG TIME if boss sent ALL HIS MEN to help him… yet he didn’t warn him pursuing that tattooed skin was useless as we know Umakichi was actually pursuing it?

And Umakichi didn’t know Wakayama was also someone who escaped from Abashiri?

Because if he had known sending all his men to help him retrieve the tattooed skin would be dangerous as then Umakichi might try to get Wakayama’s one.

Besides we don’t even see a single man, among the ones with Umakichi, dressed in black suit and tie as Wakayama’s men. Sure, maybe they changed so it’s not big deal but overall the whole thing is weird, so weird even Sugimoto found odd how Wakayama went there alone.

Did Wakayama lie to Sugimoto, whom he knew was searching for the tattooed convicts?

Is there another reason why he sent all his men to Barato but didn’t go there himself?

Or actually he was there also for some other reason than punishing the two at the race (he said he wasn’t expecting Kiro and the others to show up and it makes sense, Wakayama didn’t meet Kiro back then so I’m not even sure if he would have recognized him)?

I don’t know but I’m starting to wonder if we’ll learn more about boss and how that skin ended up in Barato, maybe through Shinpei, who left Barato with Chiyoko and might have transferred temporally to Ebetsu.

It would be interesting to meet Shinpei again as we were never told exactly how his meeting with Ogata ended, we just saw that Ogata gave him a scolding...

...then the scene was cut and we dealt with Hijikata’s group reaching the place, Hijikata and Nagakura getting in to talk with Ogata who now owns the skins, the bodies of Shinpei’s parents nowhere to be seen.

The next we see Shinpei he’s with Chiyoko, first observing the place burning down,

then ready to start a new life with her.

Besides, Shinpei was there when the skin was left to his family, he might tell us exactly how things went and if Nakazawa or the candy peddler were involved and if he knew if Wakayama had a relation with Umakichi.

LOL, overall I’m curious.

When I first read the Wakayama arc it felt like its only purpose was to hand Sugimoto a new skin as it seemed to bring no other development, so now I’m extremely intrigued at the idea there could be more behind it.

And always about Wakayama… what the candy peddler said that made him so sure the tattooed skins can’t be used anymore? Did he ruin his own tattoo? Or, since Wakayama was spot on about a convict ending eaten by a fish and another by a bear someone warned him about Gotou and Henmi’s deaths? Because okay, Gotou’s death is normal enough and one could guess it but Henmi’s death is a bit of a stretch. They were supposed to go to Otaru after all, not go to fish whales or orcas so one of them drowning wasn’t something one should consider a normal occurrence yet it’s the first thing Wakayama comes up with.

But yes, it could also be a lucky guess.

Long story short though… I don’t know anymore which of Wakayama’s words were true and which were a lie, making him an unreliable narrator. I’m only sure that he believed they couldn’t use the tattooed skins anymore to find the gold but that’s it.

I wonder if more will come up in the future.

Back to the story, Boutarou explains that since Wakayama was sure the tattooed skins couldn’t be collected he also decided stopping collecting them.

Shiraishi, clever guy, asks him if he found the place in which the Ainu gold is hidden.

Boutarou though, might act friendly but he’s clearly not a stupid.

He doesn’t directly answer, he just says it’s possible to get close to it but he’s confident Noppera-bou wouldn’t have hid it in a place that’s easy to spot once you get close by.

So Boutarou asks Shiraishi and Sugimoto to join forces with him and help searching for it. He claims he wants Shiraishi in his team because Shiraishi is fun and Sugimoto because Sugimoto is strong and both are things he likes he claims as he wraps his arms around them.

Shiraishi though, using a joking tone, points out they might end up on fighting over how to split the gold.

Boutarou claims they can become his vassals as he wants to become the king of a warm Southeast Asian small island on which he can grow and sell fruits to other countries and have so many kids he can make a country of his own family.

The way Boutarous smiles as he asks them to become vassals in his kingdom is kind of cute, like the one of a happy child.

Shiraishi laughs a bit uncomfortable at his ambitious dream while Sugimoto wonders on why everyone wants to be in charge of something as huge as a country.

He covers his eyes with his hat at this, shadowing them completely even though he smiles, making hard to read his expression. It’s usually no good when Sugimoto’s eyes can’t be seen.

I think Sugimoto believes Boutarou is moved by either ambition or greed or both, therefore by something negative, and that due to this he’s getting in his way when he instead aims at something much smaller and that should also help a person he loves.

I think Boutarou gets what Sugimoto is implying and that’s why, although he keeps his smile he looks much more serious as he makes Sugimoto a personal question.

‘Do you have any family?’

Sugimoto’s face is shadowed and his eyes fully black as he says he doesn’t, Boutarou clearly touching a sore spot.

Boutarou goes on, asking him if they’re dead. He’s still smiling but he’s not being overly cheerful.

Sugimoto, also smiling but with his eyes downcast, admits they died due to tuberculosis.

I think that’s the first time Sugimoto talked with someone about how his family died. Sugimoto, Asirpa and Shiraishi are a group but, except for Asirpa who occasionally talk about her father or about Huci, they hardly talk of any personal matter. Credits when its due both Shiraishi and Asirpa tried talking with Sugimoto about personal matters but both stumbled on the Umeko issue (Shiraishi asking him if he had someone and Asirpa asking him what he planned to do with the gold) and Sugimoto closed up to Shiraishi and wasn’t quite honest with Asirpa so talks never went that far… when instead it was probably important they did. They’re risking their life together, they should be able to share the burdens of the pasts with the others.

Anyway at Sugimoto’s reply Boutarou’s smile stay even if his expression is much more serious.

Then Boutarou goes closer to Sugimoto (WOW, Boutarou seems quite a bit taller than him), wrapping his arms around him in some sort of conforting or kinship gesture and telling him his family died too, although what killed them was smallpox, and adding ‘you know what it’s like, right?’.

He’s likely not referring to smallpox but both to the pain of losing your family but also to the sad fate of victims of contagious illness. Places in hospitals were scarce, which means they would have to stay home until one would free, infecting, if they hadn’t already, their family members.

Back then there was no cure for illness like smallpox or tuberculosis same as there is no cure for coronavirus now and they also had a lot less mean to protect themselves from infection.

The result would be that neighbors, in fear of getting infected, would ostracize the families whose members would fall prey of an illness, mock them, claim if they got sick it was because they did it was due to something they had done, as if illness was some sort of divine punishment, abandoning them to their sad fate and refusing to help.

It’s easy to feel empathy for Boutarou and Sugimoto’s conditions, especially considering how even now, in a time in which superstition shouldn’t rule us way too many people had felt entitled to mock or blame or turn their backs to those who would get coronavirus cases.

Boutarou found himself living this situation when he was a child and, as he was a child, he came up with this naïve dream.

‘If I become a king, nobody would ever shun my family.’

For a child this makes sense. He was powerless to fight what was happening so he assumed if he were to be the most important person he would have had control and would have been able to stop the world from rejecting and abandoning him and his family to their fate.

In a way it’s not a completely wrong assumption as we see that people in position of power or with a lot of money can get tested sooner than people who aren’t and they also get better health care, everyone hurrying to find a comfortable place for them in the most comfortable hospital.

Child Boutarou was aware of this as well but instead than thinking that the system was unfair and wanting to fight the system decided he would ride it.

If only who’s in power, who’s rich get help, he would be that person.

A king.

And then he wouldn’t have to suffer that fear and that pain anymore.

This thought helps him to survive.

He decided to stop being afraid of getting smallpox, to pursue his dream and look at the world in a positive manner and this allowed him to carry on to the point that adult Boutarou thinks it was his own attitude that kept smallpox away from him.

Boutarou makes it simple but it doesn’t really work like turning a switch on. You’ve to persuade yourself that you aren’t afraid, that you’ve to feel positive day after day, wearing these thoughts as if they were a mask that covers fear and negativity until the mask becomes you and you believe in all this… but sadly it’s not so easy and it doesn’t necessarily work smoothly.

Often the mask remains just a mask that stops us from facing what we’re really thinking. Only we’ve been wearing by so long we just delude ourselves the mask is us when it’s always just a mask and, since what’s behind it remains there unchallenged, it slowly poisons our life.

For Boutarou by now it’s probably hard to say if he smiles because he’s genuinely happy or if he smiles because HE MUST BE POSITIVE.

And he’s not the only one who hides behind a smile. We saw how in this chapter Sugimoto too smiled as he said his family died. His smile is a lot less cheery than Boutarou, it’s clear it’s a sad smile but Sugimoto too tries to cope with pain through a smile… although Sugimoto more often than not use it to cover his fear.

We saw him smiling when he punched the bear and it didn’t work, when he faced Tsurumi for the first time he smiled and even joked around even though he knew he was in deep troubles.

Although smiles are usually connected to happiness, they don’t necessarily mean the one showing them feels genuine happiness because they’re also more often than not used as a mask to show confidence, to hide troubles, pain and fear to the others and to yourself.

So I’m not so sure always smiling Boutarou is as happy as he looks like, and I don’t know if his obstinacy in having a positive outlook might cause him to miss facing something negative, becoming a maladaptive behavior. We’ll see but, for now, I think there’s more in Boutarou than just a happy guy, and the same goes for other Golden Kamuy smiling prone characters.

Who knows, maybe as @osomanga has suggested, maybe the funny Shiraishi too has behind himself a sad backstory and let’s not forget the friendly Kiroranke hid behind himself a partisan fighter who had remained alone after he believed Wilk, his hero, betrayed him.

Golden Kamuy is a story with characters with a complicate psychological background after all, we shouldn’t just wave them off as just black and white.

So, back to Boutarou, now we know it’s not greed or ambition what’s behind his wish, but merely a traumatic past that forced him to face on his own the powerlessness of watching your parents and relative die due to a terrible illness and the people turning their back to you.

What Boutarou GENUINELY wishes is fundamentally to never again live that experience, to erase it from the universe but, as this is not possible, he came up with this, with a dream that deludes him he won’t be abandoned, that he will be able to control his fate, that he and his family will be able to live happily.

Not being abandoned, having a measure of control over our fate and live a happy life with our beloved ones are really normal things, things we all wish and that we normally pursue through more normal means but as Boutarou lived in desperate times he decided to use desperate measures.

And, in a way, Boutarou’s dream is overall pretty similar to Tsurumi’s goal and to his men’s dream. They want a country in which they will be safe, happy and in control.

And yes, although what they fundamentally wish is something really normal and human… their wish is sadly a very selfish one as, to fulfill it they would sacrifice other humans. Their world is not a perfect one where everyone is safe, happy and in control but one in which they are.

However, as they perceive they were sacrificed first, they have a hard time realizing sacrificing others is wrong, that they should just accept they were wronged but that it’s not okay to retaliate, to return just retribution for the pain they were made to suffer.

It’s sad. It’s wrong. And it’s also something that happens way too often in life.

As Boutarou explains his dream, Sugimoto’s eyes are still downcast...

...and he remembers himself as he watched over his sick father, Sugimoto’s eyes back then, completely void of light.

This transition reminds me a bit of the transition Noda used to shift from when Asirpa asked Ogata which was his favourite food to when we saw him with Hanazawa.

We know that Sugimoto’s father was the last to die, before him Sugimoto lost three other family members.

One of them was likely his mother, the other two are either his grandparents or two younger siblings (Sugimoto’s name implies he’s the firstborn as it contain the kanji for “1”).

His father is probably the last surviving member of Sugimoto’s family and he’s there, sitting at his bedside, watching him slowly die due to illness.

There are many stress lines under Sugimoto’s eyes and his expression is grim. He likely knows there’s no hope, that there’s nothing he can do, that he can only stay there and watch.

Sugimoto’s father tells him not to hope he’ll manage to get a bed in the sanatorium. For who’s not familiar with the term, in a time in which they had no antibiotics against tuberculosis, they assumed you could cure the illness just by giving the ill person a regimen of rest, fresh air and good nutrition. But beds in sanatorium were scarce, that’s way Sugimoto’s father is warning him he won’t get a bed in one… and since sanatorium were assumed to be the only place in which one could heal and he finds unlikely he’ll get a bed in one, basically Sugimoto’s dad is telling Sugi to prepare to the idea of his death.

His father then tells Sugimoto he’s kind and this causes him to end up stuck with the worst roles… same as it used to happen to his father, a personality trait which didn’t seem to want to change.

Sugimoto’s father looks like Sugimoto, only older, thinner and sick. He’s in a bed whose covers are dirty with the blood he should have coughed. The poor guy choughs occasionally but he’s smiling and, contrary to Sugimoto, there’s a light in his eyes.

Sugimoto’s father probably sees the shortcomings of being kind but, at the same time I think he also sees the good sides of it.

It’s not a personality trait that doesn’t want to change, it’s him who didn’t want to change it.

And this makes me think at how it should have been terrible for Sugimoto to accept to kill in order to survive. Because killing is all but kind and he should have made a lot of mental gimmicks to accept to do it and receive a lot of mental scarring.

So of course his reasoning to cope with it is that enemies are soulless bad guys, which Asirpa waved off as an excuse one would give to a child.

Probably a side of him, to protect himself, reverted to a kid and came up with such a silly excuse, same as Boutarou who can’t let go of his childish dream, and then he clung to it and he keeps clinging to it even now, a maladaptive copying mechanism that helped Sugimoto survive the war but that’s now plaguing him, a mask he uses to try to cover the fact he views himself as no more kind as his father said he was.

Sugimoto is a complicate psychological mess and I’m sorry for him because deep down he should be suffering a lot inside and hiding it deep inside himself, covering it with a smile and a kind attitude and not really facing it, which only result in more psychological harm for him.

Again, it’s sad.

The scene changes, Sugimoto is outside of the house and a black cat comes to him.

Contrary to what us westerns say Japanese people back then believed black cats to bring good luck and ward off against illness.

As the cat comes to him to be patted Sugimoto, who has shown through all ‘Golden Kamuy’ to be superstitious enough he even absorbed Ainu superstitions, complains with the cat that the cat was supposed to cure tuberculosis and asks him if this is happening because the cat hardly comes there, therefore making the cat useless. The cat leaves at that, leaving Sugimoto alone to watch him walk away, bringing away with itself even the silly hope the cat could fix everything.

It’s another bit of life experience that forms Sugimoto’s mind, a bit that explains why he’s not very good at cooperating, because back then he could do nothing but entrust his hopes to a black cat and yet he was left alone to deal with it.

Sugimoto stands there as he watched the cat leaving, clearly trying hard not to cry. He’s alone stripped even of the delusion the black cat would magically save his father. No one will help him.

He can’t do anything and no one will help him.

At this point I think he remembers what his father told him, he told him to leave the house and not let himself trapped by tuberculosis. He told him he could live for his own sake, that it wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

The words, the memory of them after the cat’s abandonment, push Sugimoto to run.

He wants to do it, to escape from that house, but more exactly to escape from that pain. However, as he’s about to get out of the fence he stops, unable to go further.

He looks at the world that extend itself outside the fence, he looks at the freedom, at a place in which he isn’t plagued by the specter of getting infected with tuberculosis each day. He squeezes his eyes shut. In his home his father is still lying in his bed, coughing.

And, I think, at this point Sugimoto knows he can’t leave him to die alone.

In fact in the past flashback we learnt that his father managed to find a spot in a sanatorium… but then he died there and only when the note he was dead reached Sugimoto he managed to leave his home.

So, even though Sugimoto wants to escape, even though he can’t bear it any longer, he can’t leave either. For his torn mind not to crack under the pressure of this two contrasting things, wanting to leave and wanting to stay, his psyche build up a narrative meant to help him to cope.

Sugimoto is a good judoka, isn’t he?

Well, this is a fight, a fight to death against him and tuberculosis, a fight Sugimoto isn’t going to lose. He states he’s going to live and then challenges it to try and kill him, like he will challenge the Russians much later on war, stating he’s immortal.

The image depicts him as if his aura was a fire, a fire burning around him but his expression is contracted, ugly. Not as bad as Usami when he murdered Tomoharu but still… ugly.

You can see in it determination… but it’s a forced determination.

Sugimoto is forcing himself to think all those things to overcome his fear.

Telling himself he’s immortal is the copying behavior he has chosen, a behavior that fits with how he’s a fighter at heart but it’s also just a big lie. He’s not immortal and he’s not really facing the realty of the situation, that he’s a mortal taking upon himself a risk.

He’s young, the situation is so traumatic and terrible he simply CAN’T face the truth, but that copying behavior will follow him traumatic situation after traumatic situation, covering his fear behind a wall of fake confidence into something that’s simply not real.

It’s true that a strong will can overcome a weak body, but will can’t do miracles. Sugimoto is a normal person and therefore he can die like any other person. Just because he has more endurance and luck (and a solid plot armor) than others it doesn’t mean all of sudden he’s immortal and this wrong belief might end up doing him more harm than good.

The flashback ends and we go back to present time and to Boutarou, asking Sugimoto what he plans to do once he finds the gold to reach HIS OWN HAPPINESS and if he doesn’t have any dream.

It’s clear Sugimoto started this adventure hoping he could get gold enough for himself to cure Umeko but also to be capable to present himself in front of her as a man who’s better than the one who left her, if not in actions (Sugimoto is plagued by the fact he’s a killer now), at least in finances.

Although Toraji clearly wasn’t rich I always had the feeling he was a little better off than Sugimoto and Sugimoto was afraid this influenced Umeko’s choice... so, since he can’t clean away the blood he has shed I think he hopes he can ‘hide it’ by presenting himself as someone who’s better off economically and can provide Umeko with the means to cure her eyes.

I think he’s afraid to present himself to her but wanted to believe by going back rich and capable to cure her he could find the guts to show himself to her again and get what he truly wanted, her love back.

However many things had happened and more than a full year went by from when he started hunting skins, not mentioning the time that had gone by from when he returned from war.

This goal had moved always further from him while his hunt for the gold became a sidequest that didn’t help him to go back to Umeko but that actually kept him away from her.

So Sugimoto likely knows what he used to dream for when all this started, what he believed would give him happiness… but instead than getting closer with any skin he gained, it only got far. The shading on him isn’t uniform, it’s swirling, I think it hints Boutarou’s words forced him to realize, if not this, at least ‘something’.

Meantime the boat has almost reached Ebetsu.

Boutarou, the gentleman pirate, apologizes to the passengers, telling them he didn’t mean to cause them troubles and commotion so he won’t steal things from them, he’ll just settle for taking the money that was sent as registered mail. As he says so though, he spot Sugimoto opened back with, inside it, Heita’s skin and the tobacco case he always carried with himself.

It doesn’t take a genius to guess this means troubles for his alliance with Sugimoto, Shiraishi and Asirpa… which, to be honest, never got involved in the alliance. Boutarou just wanted Shiraishi and Sugimoto and they didn’t mention having a third member in their group even if it was kind of obvious Asirpa was connected to them.

I’m a little annoyed at this, it’s not the first time Asirpa is handled as a minor part to the group even though today she’s the one who saved the day by handling the problem of the crazy postman (along with Shiraishi who got information from Boutarou and set the basis for an allegiance)… but well, I guess it can’t be helped. We’ll see if things will change in the future.

#Golden Kamuy #Sugimoto Saichi #Asirpa #Shiraishi Yoshitake #Oosawa Fusatarou #Matsuda Heita #Wakayama Kiichirou #Nakazawa Tatsuya #Henmi Kazuo #Golden Kamuy Ramblings and Theories #Hidoro Shinpei #Hidoro Tamotsu #Gotou Takechiyo #Ueji Keiji

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runabout-river · 4 years

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Chicago P.D./Mayans M.C. crossover Part 1

Thanks for @hardcore-flower who came up with this crossover idea, which I couldn’t stop thinking about the last few days. I love crossovers, though in this case I have to admit that I didn’t actually watch Mayans M.C. but I did watch Sons of Anarchy from start to finish, which is probably the reason why I immediately started daydreaming about this:

(note: unlike with @hardcore-flower ‘s idea, I don’t think Antonio would actually join a criminal gang, I also had background hanktonio planned but in the end I left it out completely, also just the spare backdrop of the Mayans on account of me not knowing the show, also also this got so long that I had to split it into two parts)

Part 1.

The tension between him and Hank was climbing higher and higher though it was obvious that Antonio suffered significantly more under it than his boss. All of their strife came directly from their police work, especially when Hank’s brutality and cover ups escalated again, something that slowly started to bleed into their personal lives. He tried to fight that criminal energy that reared its ugly head every time their job became hard, or when it was just that easy to get away with it, and at first he believed in himself and Hank.

The Intelligence Unit could and should operate lawfully and under public scrutiny but with the way Hank was handling many of their cases it seemed as if he saw himself as the arbiter of the law and the only protector of his sheep, the innocent populace. Antonio believed in law and order and that no one should be above it. Not criminals, not Hank.

He thought it meant something when Hank became the sergeant of the IU and didn’t throw him out immediately. That him trying to have Casey killed really was just a one-time act of temporary desperation and insanity. Later he thought that he could be some kind of counterweight to Hank’s worst ideas and impulses, balancing out the unlawful interrogation techniques by reducing them to a bad cop/good cop routine or just making sure that all the threatened violence really was just for show.

At first it all seemed to work out, at least to an acceptable degree which Antonio could live with. He spent his whole career working in Chicago and as sad as it is to admit but police brutality of varying intensity always existed in the force and Antonio himself ended up being complicit in it, especially in his younger years. But he expected better from the Unit in this day and age and set out to make it so.

It worked for some time but unfortunately just as Hank’s police conduct got worse, Antonio’s resistance and endurance of dealing with it got brutally hit as well. Physically he had to deal with getting shot at for the second time in two years, courtesy of some drug dealers and Pulpo, which later led to being prescribed Oxycodone to deal with the pain. Laura left him on top of that which hit him hard emotionally. Three years into working with Hank and Antonio’s mental wellbeing was suffering which the addiction to his painkillers both helped to alleviate but also made him hurt in other ways.

Then Justin died and everything went from bad to worse. Hank killed his son’s murderer which Antonio confronted him about immediately afterwards. But it was a bad time to oppose the sergeant and Hank made sure that Antonio felt it for the next year. Physically hurting suspects became the norm instead of just an extreme occasion. Even threats against mere witnesses became more and more common and were followed through in more cases than Antonio liked to admit.

And worst of all? The team got turned into Hank’s way thinking, following his orders without doubting them in any meaningful way. Antonio never counted on Erin and Olinsky to rear Hank in but to see the rest of them not only going along but actively participating in illegal interrogation techniques, illegal observation and the kind of brutal police work that would go viral if it were ever recorded on a phone, saddened him to an unimaginable degree. He should have prevented this but obviously he failed.

He should have tried to build some kind unity with the others who were thinking more like him when he had the chance, but Whilhite died and left a gaping hole in Antonio’s heart. Ruzek found his new mentor in Olinsky and Hank fired Sumner at the first excuse. Atwater was more malleable than he thought and Burgess was too eager to serve some kind of justice instead of the right one. Roman was a good police officer but Hank would have never put him into the unit. Mouse, like Jin before him, had not much of a say in the way the unit worked and Nadia would have followed more into Erin’s footsteps than someone else’s. Trudy didn’t work inside the unit but unfortunately she herself had a certain tolerance for Hank’s behaviour as long as she didn’t see it with her own eyes.

Only Jay was his last hope but that hope diminished with every new case. Maybe it was because of Erin or maybe it was Antonio himself who couldn’t keep him in line, but Jay had less and less to say about hitting a suspect one too many times and lying about it later, or about rearranging the scene of a shooting to suit the needs of the IU. He was even passed the point where he either removed himself from the brutal interrogations or watched them silently.

Right now Jay was a willing participant in all of that, ready to excuse anything and everything they did in the name of justice served. Worst of all Antonio could see the guilt in his eyes when he heard those words from him, making him feel bad deep down because he was the one who brought Jay into the team. Jay’s sense of moral integrity seemingly eroded before his eyes and he couldn’t do anything to stop it.

And Antonio himself? If he was not getting outright benched for certain raids and suspect retrievals he was sent to other places, far away from whatever fingers were being broken right now. Opposing Hank was unbelievably stressing. Being put into place was humiliating. Reporting the most egregious instances to the higher ups felt more and more like putting his carrier and occasionally even his safety on the line.

His pill problem only got worse because of that. Every back and forth with Hank and every losing argument with his team got so stressing that he took one like a smoker would a cigarette. It was sad and infuriating at the same time, frustrating and heart breaking in equal measure. Sometimes Antonio didn’t know where to put all his emotions or what to do with them deep in the night. When he finally found room to breathe normally again a nagging thought kept him awake, that maybe, maybe he had problems other than just an addiction.

In the end it was fear that slowly started to rule his life, mostly the fear that he might end up like Jay, of surrendering his principles to Hank Voight. When the next case came everything in Antonio’s life seemed to come to a halt. The case was convoluted and a little chaotic, one where you just had to work through tons of witnesses who named more witnesses, where you had to temporarily expand your IT workforce because of the insane amount of data that needed to be analysed.

But the Intelligence Unit had more “efficient” ways to fall back to, direct and critically faster as Ruzek said. Uncompromising police work was necessary as Burgess put it. It came to a point where the team expected everything that came out of Antonio’s mouth to be a critique of some sort and they went the extra mile of shutting him out beforehand. It wasn’t just Hank anymore, it was the whole team this time. He was being excluded on the grounds of not bending the rules and laws to his whim, of not being a criminal with delusions of righteousness. It was devastating.

His last confrontation with Hank went poorly but this one was just plain awful, the backlash more than excessive. It got physical for one, and one of the others was also there to witness it. He tried to get across just how unnecessary any violent action was right now, an ironic statement if there ever was one as he was uncomfortably pressed against a wall at that moment, but his sergeant basically took that as an attack against his character, his authority and even his whole career which he sacrificed so much for.

It ended with him being sent home for the day, an action that mystified Antonio to no end. Why wouldn’t Hank just fire him already if he was just that much of a hindrance to “real police work”, if he was always “guilt tripping” everyone out of “spite”. If they didn’t want him there then they should just throw him out. Vote on that if they have to, hardly anyone would be on his side. So instead of going home he drove back to the station, taking two pills after getting into the car and another one inside the police building.

He went their room up and down for a while, only pushing himself to come to a decision when the arrival of the others became a dreadful possibility. He printed out the resignation form, filled it out and put it on Hank’s desk. Slowly and haltingly his badge and gun followed. Antonio took one last look around the office, swallowed another pill and left while forcing himself not to look back.

(note: I would apreciate it immensely if someone with mother tongue level of english skills could beta for me before I put this on Ao3 :)

#antonio dawson #hank voight #jay halstead #chicago pd #mayans mc #headcanon #police brutality #one chicago

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krreader · 5 years

Text

BTS scenario → rejecting you when you ask them out.

pairing: bts x reader fandom: bts warnings: no happy ending (unless you squint at jimin’s part) ; language genre: angst

a/n: istg, you really want your hearts broken, like fine, I’m on board, I’m always here for angst. (masterlist is in my description box)

kim seokjin

You had become a regular in the restaurant that Jin owned, frequently visiting with your co-workers.

And even though Jin didn't show up a lot, he was always friendly to you when he did.

And you had developed a major crush on the guy. Everything about him was just so attractive to you, that you couldn't help yourself but to go up to him one day and just.. ask.

“So.. my co-workers and I wanted to grab drinks after this. Do you want to come with us?”

“Are you asking me out?” he laughed, thinking you weren't, but then quickly stopping, when you nodded, “Oh. I.. I thought this was a joke.”

“Is it.. that unbelievable that I'm asking?”

“No, no, it's just.. you know, I'm not really in a good place to date at the moment. So as much as I would like to come with you and say yes, I just can't. But trust me when I say that I would really like to.”

Sure. That's what all men said when they weren’t interested.

Only difference is that Jin actually meant it.

He would love to go out with you, but it wasn't as easy as that. And it hurt him a lot when you left with slumped shoulders and a sad smile. Because he really liked you too.

min yoongi

He had come into your coffee shop for months and you had really thought he might be feeling the same things you were feeling for him.

So when you one day decided to write not just his name on the coffee cup, but your number as well and a small written: 'Date?', you thought he would at least text you and say that he wasn't interested.

But he didn't.

No, in fact, Yoongi never came back after that day.

You probably made him uncomfortable and he thought you would turn into some crazy stalker eventually.

But the truth was that he just couldn't do it. He couldn't date you. You weren't an idol, you weren't in this business and no matter what he was feeling, he didn't want to put you in that position.

And so while you were cleaning up one night, completely alone, he stood in front of the door, his hand already on the handle, but then pulling it back and sighing deeply.

“Goodbye, (Y/N)..”

He promised himself not to come back again. As much as he had wanted to go in there and just.. kiss you.

jung hoseok

Hoseok was a regular customer in the clothing store you were working in, to the point that he knew your first name.

And even though you knew your boss would hate it, you had decided to just be brave for once and ask him what you had wanted to ask him for the longest of times.

“Hey Hoseok? Do you.. have anything planned in like an hour?”

“If I've decided what to buy by then? Nothing,” he chuckled and looked up from the watches in front of him, “Why?”

“Well, I was just wondering if you wanted to have dinner with me tonight,” you smiled, a small blush on your cheeks, “If you wanted to go out with me.”

“Oh,” he blinked a couple of times, then he licked his lips, as nervously as you felt, “I.. appreciate the offer, but.. no.”

He didn't give you a reason, but he didn't have to. The small glance to your name tag on your uniform was enough to know that the reason was the differences between you. He was an idol, you were a normal girl.

You just let it get to your head that he was always nice to you and thought he might like you more than the employee that helped him shop.

“Okay,” you said in a small voice, but faked a smile anyways, “I'll just.. pack these up for you.”

Hoseok wanted to say something else as he watched you go, but you were upset enough as it was.

“In another life,” he whispered, more to himself than you, “Then I would have asked you, not the other way around.”

kim namjoon

It's always been like this, ever since you two started being fuck buddies. You had sex, he got up, got dressed, smiled at you and then left.

At first, it was fine. That's all you had wanted as well.. but you've been doing this for almost six months now and because you were the cliché, you had fallen in love with the guy.

You had decided to push your feelings down, too afraid that he might end the relationship if you told him about them, but there came a point when you just.. couldn't do it anymore.

And so when he wanted to get up again, covered in sweat, you grabbed his wrist and smiled at him, a little hopeful.

“Stay.. just.. a bit longer.”

“Why? Want to go for a round two?” Namjoon chuckled, leaning down to kiss you again, but you gently pushed him back, only so much that you could look at him.

“No.. I would just like you to stay for a while longer.”

He wasn't stupid. He could tell what you were trying to say and immediately sat up straight, “Oh..”

“Namjoon.. we're good with each other. I feel like we could take this to another level and not just sleep with each other. I feel like.. we could really work out,” you sat up as well, your fingertips running over his naked back, “How about we try it? Go on a date or something?”

“I'm sorry, (Y/N), but I told you I don't want to date someone. I'm too busy for that right now,” he got up and started putting his clothes back on, more hastily than usual.

“I'll wait..”

“No. No, I think we should end this. If you have feelings for me, then I don't want to continue sleeping with you. That wouldn't be fair on either of us.”

“Wait.. no, wait, Namjoon, I didn't mean it like that. I don't want to end this..”

“Don't.. call me again, okay? Please..”

And with that, he was out as quickly as he had entered your bedroom.

And you had completely fucked up by having told him that you had feelings for him. Now you would never feel him close again.

Now he was gone..

park jimin

You were one of the back-up dancers for one of the performances BTS would soon have. There were a shit ton of other girls around that BTS talked more to than you, so if anything, they should have asked a member out. Not you.

Yet here you were, nervously fidgeting with your fingers as you stuttered, trying to get the words you wanted to say to Jimin out.

“You okay?” he asked, his hand on your shoulder and a worried look on his face.

“Yeah, yeah, I'm just..-” you took a deep breath, then you raised your head and looked into his eyes, “Do you want to have lunch with me?”

“Sure!” he grinned from ear to ear, but then his smile faltered a bit, “As.. colleagues, right?”

“I.. was... well.. I thought we could go on a date. I'd.. pay.”

This was so hard for him. Because he was sure that you were a great girl, it's just that he couldn't. Not with you, not when you were working with him.

“I'm so sorry. Really, I am, but..- you're dancing with us and if the company finds out, we're both going to be in big trouble.”

He felt even worse when he saw the hurt in your face.

Rejection was never easy, no matter in what form.

“Right,” you nodded, “Sorry for asking.”

“No, don't be sorry!” he quickly shook his head, “Come on.. let's just go and have lunch as friends, okay? I'll pay!”

Well.. friends sounded better than no him at all..

kim taehyung

“You should just ask him out, you know?” your friend said over her drink, “You're an actress and he's really into acting, isn't he? So he's probably going to be all over you anyways..”

“Pretty sure he's only interested in actors that work in Korea. I don't,” you stared into your drink.

“Oh, come on. Don't be a pussy now. What's the worst that can happen? He says no. So what? You'll never have to see him again if he does.”

Point taken. This was one award show and if he really didn't say yes, you'd never see him again.

And so after you had chugged down your drink, you confidently walked over to him and his band members and tapped on his shoulder.

“Sorry.. you're Taehyung, right? From BTS?”

“Yeah,” he smiled, clearly recognizing you, “I love your work.”

“Oh, do you?”

“Yeah! Your uh.. last movie was,” he gave you two big thumbs up, “Great!”

“Aw, that's so nice of you to say. Do you.. want to have drink with me, maybe? We could talk more? Privately?” without his six members staring at you?

“Oh!” Taehyung clearly started to panic, it was obvious that he was going to say no, but running away now would look even worse, “I would.. love to, but.. uh.. work tomorrow morning and uh..-”

Was he stuttering because he was having a hard time saying no, or because his English wasn't good enough?

Whatever it was, you just pretended to laugh it off and told him it was fine, but when you sat back down in front of your friend, she noticed that you were disappointed.

“He clearly doesn't see what a great person you are,” she said, reaching over the table, “Chin up, hun. There’s a lot more fish out there.”

Maybe. But you kind of wanted that fish.

jeon jeongguk

“You can do this,” your band members cheered you on, “You're just as great as he is, you're doing great in this industry and you're beautiful. He has to say yes!”

You've had a crush on Jeongguk for so long, that you couldn't remember when it had started. But he had never seemed to notice you, so now your band members figured that if you were interested, you could just ask him out yourself since you had finally debuted.

And well, here you were, on your way over to the boy scrolling on his phone as he was waiting backstage, probably for another one of his members.

“Uhm.. Jungkook? Hi! I'm (Y/N),” you smiled, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear.

“Oh, hey,” he smiled, but was clearly confused as to why you were talking to him. You and him had never met before and haven't been associated with each other, even if he knew who you were.

“So, I know this is going to sound really weird, but uh..I was wondering if you wanted to.. grab coffee with me sometime?”

Oh. Well.. he hadn't expected that.

His lips parted, but not even because of you, but because IU was suddenly walking past you, a small smile on her face as she was chatting with her manager. And you saw Jeongguk stare after her, your shoulders already slumping.

“Listen, (Y/N), I..-”

“No, it's okay. It was a stupid idea anyways,” you laughed nervously, “Forget I said anything, okay?”

And with that, you walked back towards your members, all of them immediately hugging you at how disappointed you were.

#bts imagine #bts reactions #bts x reader #bts #bangtan #bangtan reaction #bangtan boys #kpop #kpop imagines #kpop reactions #bangtan sonyeondan #reader #bangtan x reader #bangtan boys x reader #requests

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allyreactions · 5 years

Text

BTS reacts to their S/O’s secret singing/rapping skills

pairing: bts x reader

warnings: language

genre: fluff

a/n: im not sure what “views in dna” means so if you dont mind i’ll ignore that sorry

gender neutral

~~~~~~~~

kim seokjin

He would find it beautifully amazing. He wouldn’t see it coming, arriving late home from work to find his song “Epiphany” blasting from the speakers, coming from your shared room. He walked towards the door, a tired smile on his face, which then fade away when he caught a familiar voice joining his. But this voice was almost angelical, almost unreal. He stood there by the door, watching with an amazed expression his significant other singing, oblivious to his shocked boyfriend.

“Ya~!” he said, shaking you from your phase “you sing so well!”

min yoongi

He never imagined it would go this way. He was immersed in finishing his solo album, Agust D. He was almost there, he just needed his best reviewer to see if the album was going well. That’s where you appear, his significant other. You were listening to every song, sometimes two or three times to have a full review. It was going well, until So Far Away. You heard his rap entirely, from beginning to end. But you felt something was missing, something to contrast his raspy voice. So you proposed.

“What if you add something else in here?” you pointed at the screen “Maybe something like another voice? I mean, instead of you singing the chorus, why not have someone else? Like this”

You sang the chorus, eyes closed to concentrate. You opened them and looked over to your boyfriend, to find him smiling sweetly at you.

“Since when do you have such a beautiful voice?” you blushed, shrugging.

He later asked his friend Suran to join his song, following your advice.

jung hoseok

He was proud as fuck. His little significant other, who he always saw as a shy quiet person, ended being one of the best rappers he ever met. He found out while practising for Mic Drop. He had just been taught the choreography, and it was getting hard to concentrate. He kept saying you watching him made him nervous, but he didn’t want to admit he just couldn’t get it. Luckily for him, you were there, his biggest fan. Since you learn the choreography quite fast, you helped him (weird, i know). You stood by his side, looking at him through the window, and did the dance moves he had to do while rapping.

“Babe it’s not that hard, look at me” you pointed at the mirror and began unconsciously rapping while dancing. You stopped when you reached V’s part (since he already knew the dance steps for the chorus) and looked at him, hoping he understood you more than he understood the choroegrapher. For your surprise, he was frozen. You were confused, his expression new to you.

“H-How...when...how...?” he pointed at you, stuttering every word. You laughed, more confused than before “Since when are you such a rapper? You do it better than I do!” you smiled fondly, shrinking at his words

kim namjoon

I mean, he was thankful he found out you sang so well. He still couldn’t believe the perfect voice you had. He found out when he showed you Singularity. He knew about your close friendship with Taehyung, and thought you could help him and check if your friend would like it. You put those big headphones one and concetrated on the rhythm. You grabbed the sheet of paper with the lyrics, and suddenly began singing, not realizing someone could hear you. You focused on doing the deepest voice you could, to try and match Tae’s voice. Meanwhile, Namjoon’s face kept changing, from surprise to admiration, completely in love with your voice.

“Jagi~ That voice!” he said as soon as you put the headphones down “I might as well just give the song to you!” you grinned, covering your blushed face with your hands

park jimin

(stREAM PROMISE OK?)

Oh god how much you loved Promise. You didn’t care it was your boyfriend’s song, it was a whole bop and the whole world knew it. You were a slut for it, you couldn’t stop listening to it. You listened to it so much you already learnt the lyrics. So you thought of learning the guitar’s chords. You sat down, grabbed Jin’s guitar (that you never gave back) and practised, softly singing the lyrics as you tried the chords. Little did you know, that night your boyfriend arrived earlier from rehearsal, and was received by a sweet voice singing his self-written song. He could feel tears forming in his eyes, the biggest smile on his face as he approached the room.

“Jagiya, that is so beautiful, you sing like the most beautiful angel!” he cried as he jump on top of you and filled your face with kisses.

kim taehyung

He was speechless. Never had he thought that a playful night jumping around the living room in your jammies and jamming to old BTS songs would end in him finding out about your amazing talent. Right then he became your number one fan, while until that moment it was the other way around. And he couldn’t lie, it was turning him on, watching you yell every word of Cypher pt 3 as if you owned the song.

“Damn babe, have you always been this hot?” he would flirt, while raising an eyebrow at you

“Rapping turns you on?” you copied his expression, loving when you could play around with him “You should tell Yoongi...” you laughed, when suddenly he had jumped on top of you, making you both fall to the couch, as he attacked her neck...

jeon jungkook

“You know he’s so beautiful, maybe you will never know” you sang softly, bopping your head to the beat of Peach.

You had to admit your boyfriend made you a huge fan of IU. You didn’t share the same type of love towards the female soloist, but you loved her songs. Her voice matched a lot to Kook’s, you always thought. They could both calm you down when you weren’t feeling well, like it was the case today. You had a fight with your boss, and you were very stressed and nervous, scared of losing your job. So you were curled up in bed, letting the music make its effect in you.

When your boyfriend arrived home, he first was shocked, hearing your singing voice clearly for the first time. He loved it, it was perfect to his ears. But when he found you upset in bed, his expression suddenly changed, and he was quickly by your side, joining in the singing, managing to fully calm you down.

~~~~~~~~~~

Hope you liked it!

~Admin Anto

#allyreactions #bts #bts reaction #bts reactions #bts imagine #bts imagines #jungkook #v #rm #jin #jhope #suga #jimin

344 notes · View notes

insfiringyou · 5 years

Text

BTS - Jungkook accidentally catches RM’s girlfriend naked on webcam

Contains: Humour. Accidental smut.

This fanfiction can be enjoyed on its own or as part of our headcanon universe. This is set around seven months after Jungkook meets his second girlfriend, Young-soon. Find out more about our headcanon plot here.

To read each member & their girlfriend’s headcanon universe fics in order, follow the links here: RM / Jin / Suga / J-Hope / Jimin / V / Jungkook & Our full masterlist can be found here

Rated content below cut

The screen stayed black despite him turning the switch off and on again at the wall. He shook his head, trying the power button again to no avail. He had been playing an online game of League of Legends for the past three hours, about to swarm the enemy tower when the laptop screen had flashed, once, before fading to black. He unplugged the power cord and pushed it back in, half expecting the machine to spring back to life. Knowing he should stop and eat something, or at least take a shower, he started to pace around the room. He knew he should stop but was so close to exploring the turret of the enemy tower! Eventually, with a sigh, he opened his bedroom door and entered the hallway. He had heard Namjoon, Jimin, Jin and Taehyung leave the shared house earlier on in the afternoon to go to the cinema. They had invited him but he had been late to rise, spending all the previous evening glued to his laptop, playing the game. He had heard Yoongi in the kitchen earlier; clattering pans as he cooked for himself and talking to someone on his phone. There had been a lot of laughter on his part and there was a lingering smell of Bulgogi in the air, so he was likely still home.

Cautiously, Jungkook opened the studio door and crept his head around the frame, half-expecting Yoongi to be sat at the desk on the far side wall, headphones blaring as his fingers pressed down on the electronic keyboard. The room was, to his relief, empty. His eyes scanned the space and found what he was looking for almost immediately. Closing the door softly behind him, he walked over to the small wooden desk, adjacent to the door. His bare feet barely made a sound against the soft carpet as he sat at the chair and opened the lid to the black laptop in front of him. The fact it was left in the studio told Jungkook that the laptop belonged to Namjoon. Yoongi was always careful to take his laptop to his room with him and Hoseok had been using a tablet recently. He knew that the game was downloaded on Namjoon’s machine; he had installed it himself the week before when he accidently left his laptop at Donghyuk’s house, much to Namjoon’s protests that it would slow the machine down. Jungkook had argued; his girlfriend, Young-soon, had left the day before to visit relatives in China and the two week long vacation without her seemed both ill-timed and pointless. The new game seemed like the perfect solution to stop himself from going too stir-crazy without her.

He turned on the machine and spread his fingers over the keyboard; hovering as the screen asked for a password. He clicked his tongue, thinking. After a few seconds he started typing. G-A-L-I-L-E-O. He pressed enter and, to his luck, the screen began to load. It took longer than anticipated; the icons on the desktop slowly appeared one at a time; bright against the plain, dark background. Jungkook sighed loudly as a pop-up box appeared in the centre of the screen, alerting him that the PC needed to run an anti-virus program. He was sure, without actually knowing for certain, that it had been Yoongi and Hoseok’s idea to infect Namjoon’s PC with viruses, the whole thing a deliberately hilarious joke intent on winding up the leader. Jungkook had certainly learned Namjoon’s peculiarly obscure password from Hoseok on one occasion when he used the laptop to check his emails. He just hoped that nothing in his inbox revealed his bank details.

He clicked the red X in the corner of the pop-up and the white box disappeared, leaving him a clear image of the desktop. He searched the icons quickly, looking for the tell-tale bronze L which would take him to the game. His hand paused on the touch mouse as a sound began to ring out through the laptop’s small speakers, a little muffled by the wooden desk. He froze, suddenly worried that the PC was infected with another virus. His shoulders relaxed after a few seconds, after his initial shock, when he realised that it was just the alert to tell him that someone was calling him on Skype. A moment later, a little delayed by the slow speed of the internet, another box popped up on the screen, informing him that Ji-eun wanted to chat.

His first thought, as always whenever he saw the name, was that IU was calling. He felt his heart thud, a little unpleasantly in his chest. A closer look at the small avatar icon showed him that it was just Namjoon’s girlfriend who shared the same name. The picture showed her on against the gold and blue backdrop of a tropical beach, her long black hair glistening in the sunlight; a pair of sunglasses perched on her small nose. Automatically, he clicked on the green Answer button. There was a delay before the annoying beeping stopped and the black desktop screen was replaced with the heavily pixilated image of a tall girl against a plain white backdrop. It took a few seconds for the little squares to blend, showing him the recognisable profile of Ji-eun standing in what was presumably her bedroom. He could see her large bed behind her; the covers and pillows crisp, clean white to match the plain, whitewashed walls. The first thing he noticed was that her hair, usually long and impeccably straight, was tied up in a messy bun on top of her head, making her look younger. The second was that she was only wearing a long, white shirt which buttoned up the centre. He vaguely wondered if it was Namjoon’s. It would fit him.

She smiled as she came into focus and Jungkook found himself smiling back automatically. She was pretty, he realised for perhaps the first time. He had only met her a handful of times, a couple of occasions Namjoon had brought her around to the house and, on one memorable occasion, he had seen her get incredibly drunk at a boat party. He knew that she was a successful legal solicitor, one of the youngest in the city, and her usual look, consisting of well-tailored suits and impossibly high heels, made her look incredibly intimidating. Now she seemed relaxed and, strangely vulnerable. She took a step back from her camera, presumably a webcam, to perch on the edge of her bed. She waved softly.

“Hi.” She said, her voice coming in clear through the speaker. The picture pixelated again, momentarily, before righting itself.

“Hi.” Jungkook replied easily. Her expression didn’t change.

“Is your camera still not working?” She asked.

Jungkook shook his shoulders and touched his thumb to the small circle at the top of the laptop. “I don’t know. If you can’t see me, I guess not.”

Her grin remained fixed on her face and it took Jungkook a few moments to realise that she could neither hear nor see him. He looked around the screen to see if the webcam icon had been selected. He found it and clicked it, hoping it would work. The icon didn’t change and her smile didn’t falter on the other side of the screen. She took a step closer, standing up from the bed.

“Maybe you’re kidding me.” She smiled, her voice full of humour. “Maybe your camera isn’t really broken and you just want to do things without me seeing.” She was now standing directly in front of the camera, her upper body to her thighs in view.

Jungkook realised, a little belatedly, that she thought she was talking to Namjoon. He searched the screen once more and found what he was looking for. Leaning forward, he started to type in the little message box at the bottom of the screen: “This is Jungkoo….”

He stopped and looked up as a flash of white caught his eye on screen. In the seconds it had taken him to find the box and start typing, Ji-eun had moved her long, slim fingers to the centre of her chest and had begun to swiftly undo the row of buttons along the centre of the fabric. Jungkook’s eyes widened as a bare strip of skin was exposed from her uncovered neck to her bellybutton, a creamy line the colour of condensed milk. He froze his hands above the keyboard as she eased the fabric away from her flesh, revealing her bare breasts. His gaze dropped automatically from her soft, beaming face, to the soft, round mounds on her chest. Her breasts were both perky and a little bigger than he had expected. Her nipples were the colour of coffee with cream. He didn’t notice his mouth drop, both in shock and, if he was honest with himself, arousal.

Her mouth curled upwards in a grin as she took a step backwards, revealing the V shape of her white boxer-briefs. Before his brain had fully registered what was happening, she bent down and removed the fabric in one smooth motion. Jungkook’s eyes widened even further as they dropped to her impeccably neat line of brown pubic hair, visible just above her labia. He could feel his heart beginning to speed in his chest and his cheeks turning red as she slowly turned around on the spot, revealing the soft curves of her backside.

“I know you missed this last week…” She said in a low, sexy voice. “I’m sorry we got interrupted at the restaurant. I’ll turn my phone off next time, in case my boss tries to call…” Her words rang out through the small studio which was, thankfully, soundproof. The meaning was lost on Jungkook. His gaze remained fixed on the screen as she leaned over the bed and, slowly, began to crawl onto the sheets on all fours. Once she was comfortable, she spread her thighs, revealing the space between her arse cheeks. Even from this distance, Jungkook could see the soft pink of her inner lips, the glisten of her labia, and the small, pretty mound of her clit. He licked his lips subconsciously as she moaned through the speakers, a little showily as she reached behind with one hand and used the other to balance her slender body on the bed. She spread apart her backside and moved her hips sensually.

“Don’t you want to kiss my pussy?” She asked, her voice a low murmur. Jungkook blinked. What was he doing? Why hadn’t he switched the web call off? His thoughts, which seemed to have been placed on mute for the past forty seconds, suddenly caught up with him and he found himself shaking his head, almost violently. Just what did he think he was doing? This was Namjoon’s girlfriend, someone he was too scared to talk to if she was invited to dinner. Furthermore, he had never even looked at her in a vaguely romantic light, never mind wished to see her in this compromising position. He had his own girlfriend, someone he treasured with all his heart, who would be returning to him in three more days. He quickly reached for the round, red button at the bottom of the screen with the touch mouse which terminated the web call. The image took a second to disappear; the girl’s body becoming distorted in a series of pink and cream squares before vanishing all together. The background once more turned to black; a few colourful icons were dotted around the screen. Jungkook breathed a sigh of relief. He suddenly didn’t want to play the web game anymore. Slowly, and incredibly sheepishly, he shut down the PC and closed the laptop lid gently. He left the room quietly and headed down the corridor to his own bedroom, being careful not to alert Yoongi or Hoseok, who may or may not have been home, to his presence.

Jungkook spent the following day in Incheon with Jimin. They decided to go shopping for a new mobile phone after Jimin’s was mysteriously broken during a trip to Gangnam with his girlfriend, Angel. The trip was a fortunate escape for the pair. Ji-eun had telephoned Namjoon that morning, wishing to know whether his laptop had broken. Namjoon, who had returned early in the evening from his trip, replied that no, it wasn’t and why was she asking. She had explained that she had been worried when he hadn’t called her back on Skype, and that she had to watch a porno to get off. Namjoon frowned, not quite understanding, but knowing not to pursue the subject with her further that evening. He had confronted Yoongi first. Both he and Hoseok had been sat in the small home studio, meters away from his infected laptop. He had stormed in the room and asked whether he had been using his laptop recently. Yoongi shook his head slowly, a look of confusion fixed on his face. Hoseok had looked equally baffled and, flicking his eyes from his best friend’s to the leader, had questioned why he had been asking. The twin looks of confusion and, beneath that, hurt on their face at having being accused of something without really understanding what made Namjoon blush. Perhaps it was just a virus which had caused his laptop to malfunction. Heaven knew, his machine was infected with every bug under the sun. He shook his head, half-muttering an apology as he skulked out of the room.

***

Thanks for reading

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rksora · 5 years

Text

AS OF 2019 ━━━━━━━━ template ┊ @astraofrph ◞ ❤

❥ ┊ BASIC INFORMATION ━━━━━━━━━━━

› full name park jiwon ┊ 박지원

› pronunciation

› meaning

› reasoning jiwon is a popular name, her mom wanted her to be popular ( lol joke’s on her! )

› nickname ( s )

› preferred name ( s )

› birth date march 20, 1999

› age nineteen

› zodiac pisces ・ water sign ┊ the fish. pisces are sensitive little weirdos. they’re intuitive and emotional, passive, and deeply concerned with what people think of them; they have a tendency to be fairly self-depreciating as a result of this. pisceans are gentle and kind, but pessimistic too, and will easily compromise on their beliefs if they think it will make other people like them.

› gender / pronouns female ┊ she / her / hers

› romantic orientation biromantic

› sexual orientation bicurious

› nationality korean

› ethnicity korean

› current residence hapjeong-dong, mapo-gu, seoul

› living conditions adequate to agreeable ┊ practical for a one person

› trainee title ( s ) little bird

❥ ┊ BACKGROUND ━━━━━━━━━━━

› birth place dongjak-gu, seoul

› hometown jingwan-dong, eunpyeong-gu, seoul

› social class lower middle class ┊ when she was younger she was closer to the poverty line until her mom met her step-dad

› education level completion @ unnamed high school

› father kim sangil, 50 ┊ business man

› mother park yerin, 46 ┊ housewife, part-time at butcher shop

› step-father ham kihyun, 45 ┊ butcher shop owner

› half-sibling ( s ) ham jisung, 10 ┊ primary school kid

› birth order ( 1 ) jiwon ( 2 ) jisung

› children

› pet ( s ) her brother, jisung, has a pet goldfish and while jiwon has always wanted a dog, she isn’t financially equipped to have one

› other important relatives

› previous relationships ( 16 / 17 ) she dated a boy in high school who took her heart and her purity and threw it into the dirt

› criminal record

❥ ┊ OCCUPATION & INCOME ━━━━━━━━━━━

› primary source of income trainee under kt entertainment ( as of november 12, 2018 )

› secondary source of income sometimes her mom sends her money but jiwon sends it right back so her mom compromised and asks her to come home to pick up food

› tertiary source( s ) of income she still gets her checks from the thrift shop because boss yang thinks she can’t take care of herself ( one of these days she’s going to give him a stern talking to !! )

› approximate amount per year

› content with their job ( or lack there of ) ? somewhat, she’s neither disinterested or wholly elated. she’s just ... passing time, oddly enough.

› past job ( s ) jjangtime thrift shop employee

› spending habits spends a little too carelessly at the gs25 near her house in hapjeong ; is sad that she didn’t utilize her discount at jjangtime as well as she should have

› most valuable possession ... the ‘letters’ she thinks her dad sent her but were really from her mom

❥ ┊ SKILLS & ABILITIES ━━━━━━━━━━━

› physical strength she’s 49kg of weak muscle

› stamina 0 / 10 as referenced through her Fainting at practices

› teamwork 8 / 10 at teamwork as she’s usually a Follower

› talents dancing, faking a Smile, somehow keeping friends even though she’s a pretty shitty friend?

› shortcomings gets winded really easily ; doesn’t have a lot of ambition / determination ; feels doubtful and anxious in unfamiliar settings ; does not like Change

› language( s ) korean ( fluent ), english ( conversational ), ksl ( basic )

› can they : drive / jump-start a car / change flat tire / ride a bicycle / swim / play an instrument ( and what instrument ) / play chess / braid hair / tie a tie / pick a lock / etc:

❥ ┊ PHYSICAL APPEARANCE & CHARACTERISTICS ━━━━━

› face claim park jiwon, fromis9

› eye color brown

› hair color ( naturally dark brown / black ) but dyed blonde with hot pink tips

› hair type / style thin, usually down ; slightly wavy if air-dried

› glasses / contacts wears ‘fashion’ glasses that don’t have a prescription, sometimes

› dominant hand left-handed

› height / weight / build 159cm, 5'2" ┊ 49kg, 108lbs ┊ petite

› exercise habits prior to working at kt, she had none, but since then has actively gone to yoga every afternoon

› skin tone fair / tans easily

› tattoos

› piercings pierced ear lobes

› marks / scars two moles on her left shoulder blade that looks like a colon ( : )

› notable features dimpled right cheek that is prominent whenever she smiles a little

› usual expression withdrawn, anxious ┊ example

› clothing style casual ┊ thrift shop hipster

› jewelry

› allergies bananas, peanuts

› body temperature neither runs too hot nor too cold, but does get cold easily

› diet whatever at the convenience store for Sale is a Go

› physical ailments

❥ ┊ PSYCHOLOGY ━━━━━━━━━━━

› jung type isfp / isfj ┊ emotional af but they don’t show it ; softies at heart ; more attentive than they let on ; still, reading between the lines ain’t their forte ; aesthetics master ; are more spontaneous and fun than they look ; have quirky interests that may shock you

› enneagram type

› moral alignment chaotic good

› temperament melancholic ┊70% ; phlegmatic ┊30%

› element water

› primary intelligence type intrapersonal intelligence

› approximate iq

› mental conditions / disorders

› sociability 7 / 10

› emotional stability 5.5 / 10

› obsession ( s )

› compulsion ( s )

› phobia ( s ) scared of heights ( includes: roller coasters, being high on an escalator, plane, building )

› vice / addiction ( s )

› drug use

› alcohol use 2 / 10 ┊ a social drinker who will only drink when around others who are

› prone to deprecating thoughts, sarcastic remarks, silently judging from the side, being more Fake than one would expect

❥ ┊ MANNERISMS ━━━━━━━━━━━

› speech style

› accent slight accent when speaking english

› quirks likes to crack her back, gets annoyed easily, wears glasses but doesn’t need them, types texts with her thumb

› hobbies dancing, fashion, origami, filming, watching movies, telling ghost stories,

› habits heavy breath that blows her hair away from her face, full pouts, deadpan expression, eye rolls, small fists, constantly apologizing,

› nervous ticks pinching, chewing bottom lip, biting inside of her cheek

› drives/motivations wanting to prove people wrong ( 25% )

› fears of heights, of never being good enough, of disappointing people who mean most to her

› positive traits humble, loyal, selfless

› negative traits pessimistic, realistic, blunt

› sense of humor sarcastic / memes

› do they curse often? ... perhaps

› catchphrase ( s ) “ can you not. ” / “ why. ” / “ what the fuck. ”

❥ ┊ FAVORITES ━━━━━━━━━━━

› activity watching movies

› animal capybara

› beverage strawberry milk ┊ brown sugar milk tea

› book

› celebrity

› color black / red

› designer lol she’s too poor, sorrys

› food caramel candies, samgyetang, kimchi jjigae, fried chicken and pickled radish, ice cream

› flower sunflower

› gem (maybe her birthstone?)

› holiday halloween ∙ children’s day ∙ black day

› mode of transportation normally uses the bus; though, on the weekends is more prone to using the subway

› movie can’t buy me love ∙ the beauty inside ∙ my sassy girl ∙ 100 days with mr. arrogant ∙ 200 pound beauty ∙ the way he looks ∙ pulp fiction ∙ fight club ∙ moulin rouge ∙ romeo & juliet ∙ superbad ∙ slumdog millionaire ∙ moulin rouge ∙ the grand budapest hotel ∙ the martian ∙ gone girl

› musical artist 주영 jooyoung ∙ 크러쉬 crush ∙ 헤이즈 heize ∙ frank sinatra ∙ stevie wonder ∙ 아이유 IU ∙ 애쉬뮤트 ashmute ∙ bevy maco ∙ 콜드 colde ∙ 쎄이 saay

› quote / saying expect nothing and you will never be disappointed.

› scenery fresh snow on the ground

› scent

› sport volleyball, i guess

› sports team

› television show the good place ∙ my fair lady gongshim ∙ cunning single lady ∙ meteor garden ∙ sex education

› weather cold / chilly

› vacation destination somewhere outside of seoul, preferably easily accessible via a car or bus ride

❥ ┊ ATTITUDES ━━━━━━━━━━━

› greatest dream to get her father to Notice her

› greatest fear disappointing those she Loves most, Not being good Enough, being Replaced ( in that order )

› most at ease when doing nothing, laying in bed, watching movies

› least at ease when trying to adjust to change, in unfamiliar settings, when she says the Wrong thing, foot in the mouth disease

› worst possible thing that could happen when she gets her foot in the mouth disease

› biggest achievement ( currently ) becoming a trainee at kt

› biggest regret ( currently ) becoming a trainee at kt

› most embarrassing moment her mom groveled at @rkxhyunjin‘s feet to tutor her in front of his entire school during the afternoon

› biggest secret she’s a child out of wedlock and her dad pretty much paid her off to not contact him

› top priorities ( 1 ) proving to her dad that she’s not a waste of time ( 2 ) being more considerate of others ( 3 ) start doing better and taking being a trainee seriously

#❥ ┊ her .#this was honestly so Long it took me two hours to complete

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poesticbeauty · 6 years

Video

youtube

Our Happen Ending (Dean x Reader)

Heavily based off IU’s Ending scene and other songs similar.

Y/N walked into the busy cafe nervously. Her body involuntarily shaked as her heart trembled in fear. She haven’t saw Hyuk in over a year since the day she decided she needed to let go of her feelings. He was going to be happily married soon and it would be ridiculous to keep trying to keep what she thought they had in her heart. She can’t hold onto something that wasn’t hers in the first place.

It was fate.

This is always how it ended for her. Always wanting something she couldn’t have and by the end she’ll never get it. It was just her luck.

Sadly, in this case it was him. Her first love, Kwon Hyuk.

Well, first unrequited love.

She spent the first few months avoiding his calls and texts. Then she moved from her old apartment that left too many happy yet bitter memories hoping that she could forget everything that included him. Even though she tried to run away all that kept running through her mind was the happy memories they’ve spent. No matter how much she tried to remember the bad moments she couldn’t bring herself to hate him.

It wasn’t Hyuk’s fault that he didn’t know. It was her fault that she was stupid to think that he would know. It was her fault that when she had a chance to finally get her feelings out she fell coward to the thought of him never returning the same.

Her fears came true. He fell in love with someone else and she couldn’t do anything about it. She realized that and decided it was best to find some type of closure so that night she finally answered his call.

Y/N looked at her phone as it buzzed on the kitchen table with the same familiar ringtone. The only ringtone that belongs to him.

She took a deep breathe as she shakingly picked up the phone in her hands. She bit her lips nervously as she swipes the phone to answer.

“ Y-Y/N?! I thought you would never answer me. Where the hell have you been? You had me so worried that something happened.” His velvety voice boomed over the phone’s speaker making her tear up. She bit even harder on her bottom lip to hold in her whimpers.

She missed his voice so much.

“ Are you there? Please answer me…. Y/N….Y/N?”

“ Hello Hyuk-ssi. It’s been awhile, hasn’t it? Your voice still sounds the same.” she smiled sadly at his sigh of relief.

“ Is that all you can say after disappearing for almost over an year? I called mom and pops and they said you haven’t been feeling so good for awhile. Is everything alright?” he asks worriedly.

Y/N put the phone on mute as she finally let go of the whimpers she held. She wasn’t okay and she wanted to tell him but she couldn’t. She just couldn’t.

“ Y/N?” he called her name again

She wiped her face vigorously trying to make it seem like she was okay.

“I-I’m sorry I was just trying to text my boss something so my mind was somewhere else.” she answered semi happily. Hyuk could hear the sadness is her voice but he knew if he pressed further he wouldn’t get answers. Well…. He knew what was wrong but he didn’t expect for her to up and leave without saying goodbye.

“ Oh…. I see. I want to see you.” Y/N eyes went big at the random confession but soon her heart began to slow. Of course he would, she disappeared for almost a year and they were best friends at some point.

“ I-I’m so-”

“No, come see me at least this once. You can decide if you want to end our friendship after…. Just please come see me.”

That’s how she ended up here. In this busy cafe shop nervous as hell looking for him. Her cold hands becomes clammy as she looks around to find the familiar face.

Then her whole world begins to stop. Their eyes met from across the cafe’ making her heart pound. Hyuk didn’t look any different from what she remembered other than he dressed more formally than usual. A casual suit and tie with his hair pulled from his forehead making him look much more mature.

He smiles at her as he made his way to her through the crowds of people in the cafe’. Y/N takes a deep breath as he steps in front of her. She close her eyes momentarily to keep herself from getting emotional.

This is it. You can do this Y/N , She thinks to herself.

“ Hey.” his unchanging voice touched her ears making her open her eyes. A sad smile caresses her face as she looks at the male up close.

“Hey.” she waves awkwardly. He tried to reach out to hug her but the awkward tension made him think twice. She flinched away from his touch with an awkward smile.

“ W-we should go sit. It’s rush hour so a lot more people will come.” Y/N says as she back away from the male.

“U-uh right, let’s go upstairs so we can talk more privately. It’s been a long time since we’ve talked.” Hyuk said rubbing his neck awkwardly with a smile. Y/N nodded and began to make her way to the 2nd floor of the cafe’.

Hyuk follows behind her with a heavy heart as her shoulders seem to droop once she turned around.He couldn’t hide the fact that he was just as sad as she was. He was losing someone that has been so dear to his heart and it was scary but he knew it was the right thing to do. He rather endure this to make sure everything that they shared would stay beautiful.

That’s all he wanted.

To leave her with good memories.

They finally found a small table in a corner where there were barely anyone in earshot. They both sat from across each other with awkward smiles. Neither of them knew what to say next or how to approach the subject at hand. It’s been so long it felt almost as if they were meeting each other for the first time.

“An awkward smile with his chair close to the exit….. He’s preparing to leave. This is it, ain’t it.“ Y/N smiled sadly to herself catching Hyuk off guard. He returned the smile as he rubbed his nape.

“So, I got you your favourite choco latte bubble tea and cheesecake. It should be brought up here pretty soon.” he said making the girl smile.

“So you remembered, huh?” she smile crookedly.

“Of course I do. You used to threaten me all the time to come here to get them. Always saying that it’s your daily coffee yet it’s not even close to being coffee. Just a bunch of sugar.” he laughed.

“Hey, it’s still a latte! Plus, it always make me feel happy to get a slice.” she joined in laughing.

“ It’s not good for your health.” he pointed his finger accusingly making the girl glare at him.

“It is proven that happiness makes your health better. Plus, it’s better that ink water you call coffee” she retorted.

“Yeah yeah whatever” they both laughed.

Soon their laughter began to die down leaving them to go back to awkward silence. Y/N looked at her trembling hands on the table clasping them to hide the fact. His smile faded as she seem to be holding everything in.

“ I missed being like this. I really missed you.” Hyuk grabbed the top of her hand and gave it a small squeeze. Trying his best to relieve her of the nervousness. Their eyes locked for a few seconds making Y/N think of all of the miscalculated feelings she had. All the similar moments like these in the past that made her fall for him.

“Here’s your Americano , choco latte bubble tea with extra whip and two slices of cheesecake.” the two jumped at the woman’s happy announcement of food breaking them out of their trance. Y/N looked down at her lap as she snatched her hand away. Making both of their hearts rench at the action.

“ Thank you.” they both mumbled to the waitress as she made her way back to go wait other people.

Y/N looked down at her slice of cheesecake and smiled sadly. Even though she loved this dessert maybe more for the memory than the taste itself. Her stomach flipped and fluttered at the memory making her no longer hungry for it anymore.

Hyuk looked at her as she sat there with her head down looking at the cheesecake not saying a word. A trembled sigh left his mouth as he knew it was time for him to say what he needed. He knew she knew it too.

“ Why did you disappear? I… I was really worried when you up and left without a word.” Hyuk asked hesitantly. She didn’t respond but her shoulder began to slump over in defeat.

“ Y/N answer m-”

“Do you remember how immature we were back then?” she chuckled as she looked up at him,” I remember always following you any and everywhere. Partners in crime we used to call it.”

“Us against the world of adults. We were inseparable.” Hyuk smiled sadly at the memory of the 15 year old version of themselves. It was foolish for them to think that would never grow old and run the streets forever as naive kids.

“Do you remember that one day when…when we kissed?” Hyuk stopped for a second as he looked at her.

“This is it. “ he thought.

“I-I remember.”

“ How foolish was I? I should’ve told you then.” she chuckled sadly as Hyuk looked at her pitifully. “ I maybe wouldn’t be like this if I did.”

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“ I probably would be able sleep comfortably without beating myself over the fact. I should’ve told you that-”

“I love you? “ Y/N looked at him confused, “ I knew. I knew for a long time but…”

“But what? You couldn’t return them back but you were too scared to hurt me, right? That’s so like you, Hyuk. You try so hard not to hurt me but it always backfires. Y-you shouldn’t have kissed me. You shouldn’t have gave me false hope.” her voice cracked.

“You’ll be able to sleep well soon.” Hyuk said randomly as he picked at the food in front of him.

“I don’t think I ever will be able to. The time we’ve spent were too long.” Y/N sighed.

“ Trust me this will all past. You will be just as happy as you once were before you met me.” he said solemnly as he looked into her eyes.

“How could I when most of the happiness I had was you for such a long time? You wouldn’t understand how it feels. You really don’t…” she ran her hands through her shakingly.

“ I do. I knew how long how lonely you felt and how much it hurt you. I just….”

“If you knew then why? Why would you play with my feelings then decide to fall for her?!” she screamed. Hyuk’s heart ached at her pained expression. It hurt even more to know that it was because of him. He caused this.

“I hated myself for so long for not making it official. I hated myself for not thinking I was enough for you.” her body shook.

“ You didn’t do anything wrong. It was my fault I-”

“ I love you. I love you so damn much.” she blurted.

“ I love you too.” Hyuk admitted with a heavy heart. He did he truly did but things didn’t work the way he wanted. He just can’t love her the way she wanted him to. Not the way he wanted to.

“ No you don’t” she sighed

“I do but -”

“Not in the way I do. Of course” she chuckled bitterly.

“I didn’t mean for it to be like this. I love you so much I really do. I-” he sighed,” I’m so sorry.” “If you love me then what is this?” she asked.

“You’ll find someone else who will love you better then I can ever love you. Someone who can love you better than yourself.”

“ I already found him, you. Why can’t you see that?”

“ I’m sorry I can’t be that person for you.” he reached over the table to grab her hand again,” No matter how much I tell you I love you I can’t give you my heart. It’s not easy for me to do so. I’m so sorry.”

“Why?”

“I’m sorry.” he rubbed his thumb over her hand softly,” I’m so sorry. “

“Please don’t say sad things like that. First you tell me you fell for someone else then have the audacity to tell me you love me. ”she began to cry,” Then say that you can’t. I- I don’t understand how to feel.” he sighed and got up from his spot and walked towards her.

“You don’t even know what you caused. You don’t even know the feelings you made me feel. I can’t even hate you.” tears streamed down her face as she looked up at Hyuk. His unchanging expression of care was still there as he stared down at her.

“I love you, Y/N” his hands cupped her face as he looked into her eyes. His thumb rubbed away the continuous stream of tears.

“You it hurts me even more when you tell me that. You make it seem like we wont ever see eachother. Don’t-”

“I’m sorry.” He said with a sad smile.

“ Then can you just be honest with me?”

“ Would you belive me if I were?”

“ You know no matter how much I act like I don’t I will believe every word you say….Just tell me.” her voice became soft.

“I’ll tell you.” he whispered.

“ Liked you said,” she began to choke over her words,” will I be loved by someone just as dumb as me?” Hyuk smiled down at her with tears gathering in his eyes. Y/N looked at him confused because he didn’t say a word as his face came closer to hers.

“H-hyuk-” he kissed he tear stain cheeks on both sides with an aching heart. Then he kissed her nose letting their forehead touch. He looked at her as her eyes squeezed shut with tears still streaming down her face.

Finally their lips touched. Memories flooded both of their minds as their lips molded in familiarity of what was left of their love. It only lasted a few seconds before Hyuk pulled away.

“Yes” he said as his lips touched her forehead. He lingered for awhile and finally let go.

“Okay. Thank you” she said shakingly as she got up from her chair. “ It was nice seeing you again. I hope she’s treating you well and you’re happy. One day we’ll see eachother again, right? “

He nodded his head with a smile. “If the world isn’t so mean then maybe. We’ll be what we were before.”

“ Okay.” she smiled back as she wiped her tears away,“ Goodbye” she walked away with a sad wave.

Hyuk’s smile fell as he watched her sad shoulders wall farther away.

“I’m still in with love you but you deserve better.”he finally let tears fall from his face as he softly whimpered.

~~~~

A/N : I… I don’t know what to make of this story honestly. I uh man. I was in one of my moods and this song began to play so I started writing and this what came from it. It’s not really that great it’s pretty soppy and angsty with a sad (or happy depending on how you look at it) ending. I at first wrote this without an artist in place due to just being in my moods so I just wrote it to let out some feels. But my friend suggested Dean so boom it’s Dean. I’m sorry if you can’t picture him in this guys I just popped this out my ass okay. I hope yall like it anyways

#khh imagines #khh scenarios #khiphop #krnb #fanxychild #dean #sappy shit

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wonhos-monbaby · 5 years

Text

K-drama watched list

Because I lost my note on my old phone so here's a list of all the Kdramas I've watched... I’ve added some comments and opinions on some of them

Boys over flower

This was the first drama recommended to me and the first one I ever watched. It’s a great introduction to K-dramas. Rich guy-Poor girl is a common trope and this one is really entertaining, great first drama to watch because you’re diving straight into it.

Healer

Now let me tell you! Ji Changwook is RIGHT at the top of my favorite actors and this is the first drama I ever saw with him in a lead role. And let me tell you, after this, nothing will convince me faster than Ji Changwook as the lead in an action drama. Number one on my must watch recommendations. If you haven’t seen it yet, this should be next on your watch list!!!

Dream

Ooooh I watched this one for the lead and only the lead.... Kim Bum is adorable and though I don’t remember much of this one I enjoyed it. Here’s a fan made MV ‘cause I literally don’t remember anything except it’s about boxing?

Personal taste

Lee Minho pretending to be gay so he can rent a room in a girl’s home... I’m letting you imagine everything that could go wrong... Fun and lighthearted it’s a fun drama.

You're beautiful

Playful kiss

Ooooh I have some issues with this one but it’s cute and fun and maybe I wanted to bitch slap both leads at some moments, and cringed at some moments (second hand embarrassment was present a few times there). Like I said though it’s cute and fun and gets your mind off of things.

Dream high

Dreal high 2

Heartstrings

Flowerboy ramyun shop

Flowerboy next door

Shut up flowerboy band

Okay so I got a little mad at the choices for the beginning in this one because holy shit the end of episode 2 ???? I was not okay with that ... Still a fun drama, I remember enjoying it though it doesn’t stick with me much... I remember the music being pretty good too....

To the beautiful you

School 2013

School 2017

Pinocchio

I may or may not have crushed hard on Lee Jongsuk and this drama convinced me to watch a lot of the drama he’s stared in. But this one was fun and like at the top of my recommendations... The chemistry between Lee Jongsuk and ParK Shinhye is a little meh but if you don’t pay too much attention to that the rest is worth it!!

I hear your voice

The good doctor

Doctor stranger

Lee Jongsuk is the son of a doctor who got sent to North Korea for a secret operation that stops him from going back to South Korea. His lead is a genius and becomes a surgeon like his father... He defects and manages to get back to South Korea... Man that one had me confused on whether or not I liked it but to say it’s not entertaining would be wrong...

The heirs

Empress Ki

Ji Changwook as the lead for 51 episodes in a historical drama? I didn’t need more than that to convince me to watch this one.

My love from another star

Oooh this one is a popular one and for a good reason ! This love story is beautiful and the chemistry man the chemistry is amazing 100% recommend if you’re looking for something that makes you soft and warms you up inside.

Marriage not dating

Blood

The only thing I remember of this one is that it’s about vampires and a vampire doc....

Jekyll and Hyde

Kill me Heal me

Disclaimer on this on: depicts dissociative identity disorder or D.I.D, I can’t say if it was depicted correctly or not. But the lead male actor did an amazing job at making sure we differentiated the 7 alters of his character. I enjoyed this one a whole lot and the OST is pretty good.

I remember you ( Hello Monster)

If you like thrillers this one is for you. Plays a little with your mind and tries to put you off the tracs ...

Noble my love

Moorim school

Descendants of the sun

If you haven’t watched this one put it at the top of your list! Because this was THE drama of 2016! The story line, the plot, the acting, the OST everything was amazing in this one !!

Comeback Mister

Moonlight drawn by clouds

Lucky romance

Uncontrollably fond

Doctors (Doctor crush)

Oooh I didn’t like this one much, I kind of had to force myself to watch it, more because I was bored and it was somewhat entertaining... but the Teacher-student type romance isn’t for me....

W: two worlds

Lets fight ghost

Beautiful Gong Shim

Scarlet Heart Ryeo

Boy Oh Boy. Where to begin with this one? okay

1. Put this right next to Healer on the must watch list if you haven’t yet!! It is beautiful

2. The Cast : IU, Lee Jonggi, Byun Baekhyun (EXO), Nam Joohyuk, Ji Soo, Kang Hana, Z.Hara, Kang Haneul, just to name a few

3. It’s a historical drama base in the Goryeo era

4. Prepare the tissues because this will set you up for 20 episodes of laughter followed closely by heartbreak, picking the pieces up and trying to piece them together only for those pieces to be broken and stepped on and broken again... I’ve never cried so much

5. Beautiful scenes, chemistry, scenery!

Thumping Spike

Cheese in the trap

Hwarang

Jealousy incarnate

Bong Soon cyborg in love

Legend of the blue sea

Lee Minho and Jeon Jihyeon (My love from another star) take you on a journey of people finding each other over and over again and history repeating itself? Beatiful drama, amazing chemistry! On top of my recommendations as well

Cinderella and four knights

Ji Changwook as the lead in an action drama was all I needed to convince me to watch this one

Weightlifting fairy Kim Bok Joo

Goblin

If Descendants of the sun was the drama for 2016 this one follows closely, starting to air end of December 2016 and finished in January 2017 This is the drama for 2017. Again, from the OST to the story line to the little details everything about this one was perfect! Absolutely loved it

Solomon's Perjury

Oh ! This one is the one I recommend if you’re looking for something a little more serious. This one follows a student lead trial in high school after a student is found dead at the foot of one of the buildings. This one stuck with me!

Strong Woman Do Bong Soon

Chief Kim

Introverted boss

Queen of Ring

Radio romance

Suspicious partner

My secret romance

Oh so you know how we never get any action before the end of like episode 8 or something and it’s usually one of the hella awkward kisses. Hohoho this one focuses on a one night stand and boy of boy we get a full on make out session (in kdrama equivalent) in episode 1!

Fun and cute rom com-ish this one is a really fun one!

The Last Empress

Ah this is more recent as well, it’s set in today’s time if South Korea were a Constitutional Monarchy. Follow it’s last Empress in a palace where manipulation and corruption reigns and secrets are deeply burried.

Terrius behind me

Come and hug me

Remember those tissues you got for Scarlet Heart Ryeo? Yeah stock up this one’s going to make you weep from start to finish. The acting is beautiful and heart wrentching

Tempted

A modern twist on the story Les Liaison dangereuse ( Dangerous Liaisions) this one left me half satisfied half disapointed at the end... It wan’t what I was expecting and hoping for... But I wasn’t the mindset for this type of ending.

Hwayugi: A Korean Odessy

Longing heart

Cheer up

Orange Marmelade

My love Eun Dong

I'm not a robot

Page turner

High society

Emergency couple

Highschool love on

Fight for my way

Master's sun

Another miss Oh

Madame Antoine

Wednesday 3:30pm

The greatest marriage

Ma boy

Somehow 18

Save Me

Oooh this one probably needs a trigger warning... It deals with cult-religions, manipulation and how hard it is to get out once you’re in and everyone around you is endoctrinated... serious, dark and mindblowing, this one might leave you a little uncomfortable at the end but if you’re up for it it’s really really really good.

Apparently there’s a second season?

Hotel del Luna

Break my heart some one IU will you? I am completely in love with the tone of nostalgia and melancholy there always seems to be in the dramas I’ve seen her in... It’s not ne of my favorite dramas but it is a rather enjoyable one

Moments of 18

Lawless Lawyer

When the devil calls your name

#Kdrama #Recommendation #Korean drama #To be updated #update

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shinkookiefanfiction · 5 years

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SHE'S MY NOONA

Chapter 17

The show was already starting and we were asked alot of questions. Jungkook and IU looked happy, i kept looking at how Jungkook treated her nicely.

I never thought he'd look this happy with IU his dream girl. Perhaps this is what he wanted why would a noona like me even stick around him? Or have i been fooled by his words that i found myself almost falling in love with him.

" you have to eat." Eun woo who was beside me tried to feed me " arasso." I smiled at him as i opened my mouth to eat. " woow, my Min ah is very cute when eating." He cried as he adorably pinched my cheeks making me nervous as he continued watching me.

I managed to hear form aside as people complemented us " wow those two make a cute couple...but Jungkook seems to be off mood but he's keeping up." The staff cried.

It was true i could sense Jungkook was not himself today even though i kept seeing that smile it wasn't the true one.

During break i wanted to go see him while he was with IU talking " Jungkook can i talk to you?" I stood there as hisreaction changed after seeing me. " IU and i are tal-" " aniyo don't mind me maybe she's a fan you have to talk to her." IU stood up and left me and him.

There was a moment of silence " what do you want?" " hey why are you always behaving like that towards me, like yesterday you got mad without any reason." I said as my feelings got hurt "you...you i hate the clueless you..you'll never understand cause you only think of yourself." He cried

" now you are dating that bastard, i thought you...ani..goodluck." " why do you hate me that much...even your answers are not clear for me." I cried as he was about to leave.

"You...i don't want you to be my noona...i just hate how we are cause it's funny i just keep on laughing at myself it's uncomfortable ." He said as i just realised that my feelings were just nothing but a lie. I could only remain in tears standing there infront of him making fun of myself.

" arasso i hope this is our last show but kumaoh for everything." I said when somebody came and held my arm "Min ah....what are you doing?...yah who do you think you are to make her cry!" Eun woo cried at him trying to control his temper.

" lets go Min ah" he grabbed my hand as we left for the set.

End of p.o.v

IU' s p.o.v

I managed to overheard their conversation. It was a heart to heart conversation and from what i saw Jungkook seems to be inlove with her who also does not understand him.

We went back at the set and Jungkook was just right next to me sad and in deep thoughts. I wanted to do something for him. " yah Jungkook, i hate this show actually." I said to him as he faced me. " wae? Ooh am i making you uncomfortable?" He asked with tears in his eyes.

He then realised how stupid of him to cry " ooh mianhaeyo, my eyes hurt." He rubbed his eyes but i stopped him " are you sure it's not the heart." I asked " actually i overheard your conversation with her." I cried realising he was panicking " actually she's our photographer." He tried to defend her " you don't have to hide i know you like her...don't ask how but i've been watching you guys since we arrived...you couldn't stop staring at her." IU cried as she smiled.

" ooh i didn't mean to hurt your feelings." He apologized nervously " aniyo..you didn't have to...i also loved someone..he's just normal but he made me smile all the time." I narratted " so did you two be together?" He asked curiously "i never told him but the time i decided to do that it was too late, he got someone else so i had to give up." I sadly ended the story.

" Mianhaeyo." " aniyo i'm just atleast happy that person gave me something i lost a long time that is why you shouldn't be like me because the time you think you have is running out." I cried as i pat his head.

End of p.o.v

Jungkook's p.o.v

She warned me. I began to wonder does she have the same feelings for me just like the way i do? " what if -" " you should have courage to face it, it's better to confess than not to try."

She was right, all this time i have been behaving like a child also not considering her feelings. I looked upto her, i must have hurt her feelings again. I hated myself for making her cry while i promised myself not to make her cry.

2day of show

I woke up from my tent seeing the staff prepare everything till i saw her Min ah who also just woke up. She was yawning cutely till she stopped when she saw me but this time she didn't smile at me and just left.

I was about to go after her when Eun woo had already taken the chance " yah were you planning to go after her now?" IU appeared out of nowhere "aagh?!" I had nothing to answer " you have to be careful many eyes are watching you, you don't have to forget you are a public figure any move you make may affect your career and mostly her." She said as she left

" IU kumaoh i wish to repay you." I thanked her " you can repay me....we can be friends." She smiled. " IU can you help me?" I cried

Meanwhile

" i don't want to ask you how you knew him but do you like him?" " yah Eun woo what are you saying?" " andwe, you don't have to answer even if you like him or don't please look at me first." He held her hands warmly " Min ah don't delude yourself stars will always be like that." He rubbed her salty tears which were strimming down her rosey cheeks. "Kumaoh."

Meanwhile

Min ah was so happy that the first episode of the show had been aired and they have been getting alot of response.

" today's episode we will play different games but today for this game we are going to exchange partners." The mc cried as he laughed " exchange?" Min ah muttered when she realised she had to be with Jungkook

"Min ah-" " uhm excuse me i have a question." Everytime Jungkook would want to apologize and talk to her it always get interfierd.

Later

Shin min ah's p.o.v

Why would he want to talk to me even after what he said. The mountains area was really amaizing i needed fresh air not long till i heard the staff " yah who the heck is she? Every man in our area says she's so pretty." I smiled at myself they might be jealous. " i don't like her what did our boss even see in her? She's not rich or something." " Eun woo looks much better with Im yoona even their parents arranged for them to meet." " i really hate her she's just going to use every guy in our area especially our innocent Jungkook, i guess she's targeting him."

These words were just hurting me and i just stayed there as usual not doing anything " didn't you also hear Eun woo and Im yoona used to date till she made them break up, she was the reason for their breakup." Mwo why would it be me, what wrong did i do to deserve this.

I was about to leave when i saw Jungkook looking at us. I felt very embarrassed and wanted to run away from there cause i was so tired and it seems no one cared for me.

End of p.o.v

Jungkook's p.o.v

I watched her do nothing just like that time still i didn't do anything was i a coward to accept things since i always get scared of loosing that is why i always tried hard in doing everything and that is why i ended up being Mr perfect.

"Yah!" " oppa!?" The girls cried " oppa? what you were just saying now i heard it all." "Mianhaeyo you heard?" They replied " but it's true she's the evil one." One cried " yah are you really my fans cause if you are you don't talk bad about people unless you know them?" " Mianhaeyo." " don't talk like that again about her cause she's not the things you described you should understand them first." I cried at them and left.

What was that i did? I was able to fight for her but i needed to find herI was able to see IU and ask if she's seen Min ah but she didn't. " why don't you go to ask Eun woo?" " yah are you sick how can i ask...i'm really worried about her." I sighed " well you should worry since we are close to the woods.

" and the shooting is about to start." IU cried " lets just go and ask manager " aniyo he'll worry too." I then stood and decided to go find her since this was all my fault. " yah! where to? the shooting." She cried " to me she's more important than my career." I ran inside the woods hoping to find her.

I was inside the woods finding and calling out for her name " Min ahsshi ×15" i kept calling as i looked around. " Min ah sshi Mianhaeyo please come out!" I cried

I then heard sound from far " Min ah is that you!" There was a moment of silence till " go away don't come here!!!" I heard her cry a little bit further i wanted to know where she was if she spoke "Min ah mianhaeyo, about what i said those all came out because of anger,ne?" I cried " can you come out...so we can talk." I said knowing that she was somewhere hiding " yah im good at hide and seek." I cried "ne your good at every thing." She spoke as i realised she was behind a tree.

" ne i'm mr perfect but there is only one thing i realised that i wasn't perfect to achieve." I cried she was silent for a while " don't you wanna know what is it?" I asked as i sat on the other side of the tree.

" what is it?" She asked as a smile formed on my lips " my...bracelet." i cried as i could sense confusion in her head " what bracelet...do you mean your grandpa's..you could have just asked for it." She said "...how could i ask back for my heart while i gave it to you?"

" your...heart?" I heard her soft mutter that made me confess indirectly to this clueless girl.

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purpletaehyungfan-blog · 6 years

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MY Kpop unpopular opinions: (cause I just want to rant. Some of these maybe hurtful so don't take it seriously you been warned)

1. I absolutely hate yg. He has this inferiority insecurities that he always compares his artists with other peacefully minding their own business groups. He did the same with 2ne1 and gg. He is doing the same with twice and blackpink and bts. I really don't care what he does with his artists but he really should stop trying to create fanwars.

2. I still don't like blackpink. Blackpink jennie gave me that cold vibe when I first checked them out and she still does. I thought lisa was cool when I watched their live performances but she is so baby in real life..... I don't like her aegyo. Rose aegyo is evident in her singing and personality but it's the kind that I don't prefer. I liked jisoo but she is weak at live, both singing and dancing and it made me lose all the hope I had to stan them. They make high quality mvs which are fun to watch so I will just check them out as casual fans. I don't think I will ever stan them.

3. I don't trust any 40 or 50 yrs old (not korean) who claim to love kpop just for the music. I would understand if it's ballad and stuffs but real kpop like bts, exo, twice etc? No just no.

4. Most kpop artists can't freestyle for shit. I don't understand why would any variety hosts even bother to ask them if all they do is some stupid hand, leg and butt shake. Also when you see other members hyping those horrible freestyle..... C R I N G E !!!

5. I don't like mamamoo. Especially with all those problematic stuffs they did (yes I know they apologized) whoever posted that typhoons post (don't remember her name) should have known better.

6. Trust me when I say this but the 4th generation kpop stans will praise twice and blackpink like the 3rd gen stans do to snsd and 2ne1. It's a cycle. Human beings don't appreciate what they have. Always wanting what they can't get.

7. Twice new song is a let down. That song is worst than signal.

8. Red velvet needs to work on their live performances. They have good vocals but don't know how to perform as a group.

9. I don't stan rv, twice or bp but all of them make good music. I get why they are famous.

10. Exid hani has one of the best personality in idols. Exid needs to win a daesang. They deserve better

11. I don't understand why some of the kpop idols in the industry are even idols. They have neither the voice nor the personality for it. Don't want to name pinpoint the names cause I don't remember them

12. Ailee needs more support from the western side. She has a really good voice and her songs are pretty good as well. Why she isn't popular in internationally is something I will never understand.

13. IU is the kind of artists who deserve their name and fame. She is one of those kpop idols I would always cherish. I find her very sincere towards her music. Same goes for big bang, bts, tvxq and exo.

14. I hope bol4 become more popular in kpop industry. They deserve the best of everything.

15. I hated ikon at first but now I feel very bad for them. People call them flops and many members can't really shine due to b.i. and bobby. B.i. is also a very talented artist . I hope love scenario does get to win some awards

16. I'm really sorry buddy but gfriend music all sound the same to me. Me gustas is a beautiful sing tho.

17. Nct are talented but sm is ruining them with lots of members and horrible songs. The members can perform I swear just their songs are meh... hated black on black and boss

18. Exo do has very beautifully voice. Exo vocal line is probably the best of kpop

19. Got7 never appealed to me both personality wise and music wise. I want to get into them as bts are also their friends but.... I just can't

20. Produce101 is cringe. Didn't like how they treated their Japanese trainees. Never like any group that came out of that show.

So that's all for today. I hope you enjoyed whatever I managed to write. Don't send me hate in the inbox I don't really check them so..... 🤗🤗🤗

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boymeetsweevil · 7 years

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the min booty diaries - 02

Grouping: Reader x Yoongi

Word Count: ~2k, pg-13 again for butt glory

Summary: You get desperate and scissor-happy, but Yoongi has money to fix it

prologue, pt 1, pt 3, pt 4

this is for yani :)

The day before your presentation is also the day before Yoongi’s comeback. He’s eerily calm as he lies on your bed and watches you pick out an outfit frantically. If this were a normal work day, you would default to the section of your closet full of whites, blacks, and charcoals and maybe even a few khakis. However, given the importance of the occasion, you pore over your whole wardrobe before throwing several potential outfits onto the bed. You turn to the large pile that nearly swallows your boyfriend and move to unbutton your jeggings before turning to him worriedly.

“Yoongi, can you…cover your eyes, or something?”

“Really,” he asks incredulously.

“Yes?” You mirror his tone back to him with a huff.

He sighs before taking a throw pillow and placing it over his head. He mourns the loss of his view of you while you change and opts for listening to the slide of fabric as you pull on the first outfit. Clearly, since you didn’t banish him from the room entirely, you must want his opinion on the outfit. He waits for you to ask him what he thinks when he hears you gasp. He removes the pillow without thinking at the sound of your distress.

“What is it?”

“I just—this is supposed to be a looser skirt,” you say as you smooth your palms over the sides and twist in the mirror.

The skirt hugs your hips and thighs tightly before loosening slightly below your knees. It was originally something you only wore on days when you didn’t want to feel like you had bottoms on. Now, you’re very much aware that you’re wearing it by the way the straining fabric forces you to take small steps to turn to face Yoongi.

“It looks fine to me,” he says while he takes in your silhouette.

“Of course, it looks fine to you. You didn’t fully see the back,” you turn to show him the back, “I can’t wear this to work. Much less in front of my boss and the rest of the committee.”

Yoongi gives an appreciative hum that you mistake for sympathy and you sulk. Unzipping the back of your skirt, you let it fall to your feet before stepping out of it and moping in just a blouse and your stockings. You toss the skirt into the corner of the room and collapse face first onto the bed next to him.

“I wish I could just wear my leggings all the time,” you say, voice muffled by the duvet.

Seeing you in such a state of resignation hurts Yoongi’s heart. He remembers how you used to rush home from the office or a function and rip your clothes off just so you could shimmy on some leggings. Just last week you had tried to do the same thing but realized they were now too small to pull on past the knee. You made such a sad sound that he ran back to his dorm to bring back the Gucci sweatpants Taehyung bought him for his birthday that you were always trying to steal. He had handed them over without a word and the look of awe you gave him almost undid all the damage your puppy-dog eyes had done as you folded up your leggings and put them with the rest of the clothes you couldn’t quite fit this winter.

He sees you take the skirt and a few other clothing items to the same growing pile in the back of your closet and feels another twinge in his chest. When he sees that you have to resort to pulling out the ugly slacks your father bought you for your last birthday, he silently pulls up a new Naver tab on his phone and searches “leggings for women”.

The next day passes you by in a blur. You barely got any sleep the night before and you cry in the bathroom that morning when you pull on those awful trousers your dad bought you. You would say they were ill-fitting, but they just hung loosely from your waist in such a way that the word “fit” doesn’t apply. They’re just...on your body. You try your best to wear them with one of your nicer button downs, but none of those fit either because your boobs had grown too as a product of your weight gain. The buttons look like they’re straining to keep the shirt closed. In the end, you throw a blazer on over everything and hope the makeup you spent an extra 35 minutes doing will draw attention away from the horrible outfit.

The presentation itself is a hit. Sure, you were feeling a little zany from lack of sleep and nerves, but you had gone over the numbers and figures so many times that you just went on auto-pilot. And thanks to your equally type-A partner, none of the questions your supervisors ask are surprises. It feels pretty good when you finish clarifying a point on the last graph and your boss announces a catered lunch for all your hard work. You munch on the burrito you picked up with a little less guilt. You deserve it.

The rest of the day consists of doing some work to get ahead for the next quarter by looking into tweaking your projections, answering a bunch of emails, and helping the new temp with the printer in the break room. When 6:30 comes and goes, your boss taps you on the shoulder and startles you out of your tunnel vision. He already has his coat on and his briefcase in his hand.

“The project is over, you know. You can start your break, get some rest. You earned it, champ.”

“Right. Sorry, I guess it’s become a habit. Enjoy the break, sir.”

You pack up quickly, realizing you’re the only one still on the floor, and rush out to catch the train back home. On the 3 block stroll back to your condo, you pick up some celebratory chicken and beer to eat when Yoongi’s comeback airs.

When you finally get back home, you immediately shed the layers of your outfit and go hunt for something you can wear without looking like you’re a floating head. You pout a little when you remember Yoongi took back his sweatpants to be dry cleaned because you spilled buffalo sauce on them. Very quickly it becomes clear that you’re out of options. All you have in your drawers are work clothes and pantyhose, all of the comfy bottoms you would normally wear suddenly too small and folded up in your closet. You eye the hosiery with contempt before swallowing your pride and walking to your kitchen with a pair clutched in your fist.

“This is my house. This isn’t weird. No one is going to see me, anyway,” you mutter to yourself after slipping on a ratty pair of pantyhose you’ve cut the feet away from.

It doesn’t feel too bad either, you muse when you finally hunker down on your couch after a shower. You look pretty strange in an oversized t-shirt and a pair of tights with runs in the leg and a jaggedly cut cuff around each ankle from where you took some kiddy scissors to the nylon.

When there are 5 minutes left, you turn the TV on and go to the channel you watched the last comeback on. The boys all look amazing with their cool clothes and new hair colors revealed. You didn’t have much time to come over to the dorm to visit anyway. But the few times you did, they all wore beanies or bucket hats to hide their hair from you. “Don’t want to jinx anything,” Jimin had said. Even Yoongi at least wore a hood. Now, though, he is back to his classic charcoal black tousled waves. The dance moves and the new songs are also a surprise to you because you didn’t have time to accompany Yoongi to the studio to hear any sneak peeks of the new album’s songs. Once the excitement of the 3 new songs wears off and a rookie group has replaced the guys’ place on stage, you catch yourself nodding off and treat yourself to an early bedtime.

You wake up to a cold hand snaking its way up your shirt and Yoongi’s gravelly humming in your ear. Twisting away from the iciness of his palm, you turn confusedly to look at him.

“What are you doing here,” you ask, your voice raspy with sleep.

“I’m done. And you’re done. So, I came to see you. Should I go?”

“No. Stay.” You sit up so you can look down at him properly for the first time in what feels like forever.

“I have something for you. Think of it as a celebratory gift for all the hard work you’ve done. You can maybe relax a little more with this,” he turns and reaches for a fat package he placed on your nightstand.

You take it from him and rip into it excitedly. Its from a brand whose name and insignia you reconize but can’t remember from where you’d seen it. A few seconds pass by as you think of the name and Yoongi sweats a little anxiously, wondering what the delay is.

“Oh my god,” you finally exclaim, “IU swears by this brand.”

“That’s good, right?”

You give an affirmative grunt and work on opening the package fully. When you finally realize what’s inside, you feel your eyes watering at the thoughtfulness of the gift.

“Yoongi, you got me leggings?”

The material is silky and cool in the way only expensive athletic wear can be.

“I remembered how much you loved that old pair, so I thought you might like some new ones.”

“I’ll try them on right now.” You throw off your covers and hop excitedly out of bed so you can put the first pair on.

“What the hell are you wearing?”

You glance down at your attire and realize you forgot to switch out your makeshift leggings in your haste to get to bed. The runs in your, now foot-less, tights are very pronounced in the morning light and you look a little deranged.

“This is the product of work-related stress and children’s scissors on old pantyhose. Hot, right?”

“Sure. Maybe you could try on the real leggings, though. Just a thought.”

You stick your tongue out at him, but you comply. The material is a bit thin, but since you’ll just be lounging around or doing yoga at home, it doesn’t matter to you. You turn to admire your figure in the mirror. The leggings work well with your new shape instead of against it. In your peripheral vision, you can see that Yoongi feels the same.

His gaze is dark as he admires the way the form-fitting material stretches over your hips and hugs your ass. The leggings are just thin enough that he can see the shadow of your black panties if he really looks. He snorts to himself when the peach emoji comes to mind, but the smug expression on his face shatters when you test the material by bending over as if to touch your toes. Your stretching causes the fabric to momentarily thin even more. He wonders briefly if it’s possible to start a religion dedicated to worshipping ass.

“How do they feel,” he asks when you finally stand upright again.

“They feel amazing. See for yourself.”

You walk over to the edge of the bed and cock a hip innocently to let him drag his hand over the material you wear. If he hears your breath hitch a little at the feel of his large hand settling around your hipbone, he doesn’t say anything. Just like you don’t say anything as he unconsciously tightens his grip to pull you forward and into the V of his splayed legs.

“Looks good,” he rasps and looks up at you, “Try on the others?”

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