#like on one hand i know that autism is a disability. but on the other i cant think of myself as disabled | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jonny-b-meowborn · 11 months

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As time goes by I'm becoming more and more sure that I just can't survive on my own. I can take basic care of myself, but the second I have to go to a doctor or do some formal stuff I get paralyzed. I just can't. Fuck, I can barely even talk to strangers in general. Or even not strangers, I can't fucking text someone back if I'm not close to them, it's just so scary and exhausting. I'm becoming emotionally tired more easily and sometimes even talking with my mom about anything is too much for me and I love my mom. And I really need her, I can't do basic stuff without her pretty much holding my hand all the time. I can't get a normal job. We went to this blueberry plantation a few times but I just couldn't go there without her, and now the job is over and we can't go there at all. If I wasn't such a fucking baby I'd go there a few more times alone and get some money. I can't make calls, there's literally like two people I feel comfortable talking on the phone with. People used to say I was mature for my age when I was younger but I never grew up and now I'm almost 21 and can't do anything with my life. I'm scared of everything, I'm constantly exhausted physically and mentally. I'm like a fucking child. I'm scared that I'm gonna have to live with my mom my whole life. I can't see a future for myself, I'm just not able to survive without help and at some point I won't be able to get help, I don't want to be a parasite living off of my mom's money but I don't see anything else I could do. I hate my brain so much. I hate the way it refuses to work. I hate myself for being such a child.

#you know theres this weird idk. impostor syndrome about me and my autism #like on one hand i know that autism is a disability. but on the other i cant think of myself as disabled #cause im not 'autistic enough'. because i can keep myself fed and clean and healthy and alive as long as im provided with everything i need #but then i have a full on breakdown because my new laptop doesnt work and i have to go to the store to have it checked/replaced #i wanna throw up just thinking about it #i cant do anything without my moms help #i wanna throw up and cry and die when theres too much happening around me. i cant survive in the real world. i just can't #i cant get a job or a partner or go to college or move out or even just fucking. go to a store and ask for help with my laptop.#i feel like im destined to live w my mom forever and not achieve anything and die alone #i keep talking about wanting to make a living with my art but thats bullshit. i do want that but i know it's not possible for me #i cant even fucking finish the commissions i already have. im scared to get new ones. im scared to do anything.#my brain refuses to let me work on anything #and yeah i am burnt out after my diploma and exams and all that but at some point i just have to admit im not built for that. for anything.#im built to live like a parasite baby and die #my mom is too good of a person to kick me out but i wouldnt blame her. im useless. i cant make money. i cant take care of myself #i dont know what to do #bee buzz

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katya-goncharov · 10 months

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thinking about how apparently i was born with my umbilical chord wrapped around my neck, and i don't THINK that's the reason i'm neurodivergent in like. several different ways. but sometimes i do wonder if there's a link and it would for sure interest me...

#i mean i know that can cause like. various other learning difficulties and disabilities #but autism and adhd specifically? i'm not sure because i always thought that was something that happens earlier #and i'm pretty sure my dad and grandpa (and cousin too) are at least slightly on the spectrum so i might well have inherited it from them #but i don't know! especially since i have hand/eye co-ordination problems too and that could be just as much a two-in-one deal with the #autism (if that makes sense) as a genuine result of the umbilical chord thing #idk i only just started thinking about it today but now i'm genuinely wondering if there could be a link #like imagine if before i was born i was neurotypical. that would be so weird #i can't even imagine myself neurotypical. i don't think i'd WANT to be neurotypical because then i wouldn't be me. and i like being me!

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drchucktingle · 4 months

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THE TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION HAVE ISSUED AN APOLOGY AND A RE-INVITATION. HERE IS MY STATEMENT

hello buckaroos. the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION have issued a formal statement and apology which you can read at the attached link.

while i find the language used to discuss what was done a little unsatisfying, i would like to start by saying i appreciate anyone taking steps to prove love is real and make things right. the genuine feeling of ‘realizing you have made a mistake and hurt someone else’ is a terrible one, and i have so much empathy for this group as they reckon with their choices causing harm. i appreciate their apology.

i also think more good than bad has come from this situation. i am so thankful this happened to me (someone with a large social media presence) and not a smaller buckaroo author without the means to stand up for themselves. i think the next time someone comes to the TXLA with an accommodation need, they will hopefully be taken more seriously

lets trot down to business about specifics now. the TXLA has re-invited chuck to the original panel and even offered to take a moment at the top of the panel to talk about what happened. this is very kind of them and i will say THANK YOU.

unfortunately i will also have to decline.

the fact that it took this much effort, social media backlash, and discussion to let me simply EXIST PHYSICALLY in a way that is authentic to myself is not a good sign. if this organization immediately questions an authors chosen presentation in this manner, i cannot imagine what my other accommodations would be met with.

sometimes i am at an event and i very quickly need extra space to breathe. sometimes i am at an event and i need special guides to help me along from place to place. these are not ‘big asks’ and every other conference has gladly provided them, but if the TXLA had this kind of initial reaction to my physical appearance, i cannot imagine them readily helping with my other needs without ‘proof’.

this is clearly not a safe place to trot for those who require additional accommodations. regardless of any apology, their ACTIONS have shown that people who appear unusual or unique are not welcome at this event on a subconscious level. i believe the TXLA have some serious inner work to do beyond this apology, and i believe this inner work will involve actions more than words.

but even more importantly i would like to make this very important point: IT DOES NOT MATTER IF MY MASK IS A DISABILITY AID OR NOT. i appreciate the way this discussion has allowed us to trot out some deep talks on autism and proved love in this way, but i think there is a much more important point at hand.

regardless of WHAT someone looks like, it is not the job of an event or conference to pick apart WHY. physical presentation can be a part of someones neurodivergence, or gender, or sexuality, but i can also just exist as a nebulous undefined part of their inner self. it can be a piece they are not ready to openly discuss yet. the guests at TXLA are authors (aka ARTISTS) and the idea that a conference dedicated to an ART is going to deny people with unique and unusual presentations for ANY reason is absurd. since when are we applying a ‘dress code’ to our artists?

without knowing it, i personally believe there is an element of the ‘good queer, bad queer’ phenomenon going on here. there is a push to say ‘LOOK we accept these marginalized groups and cultures’ but behind the scenes that means ‘we accept these marginalized groups and cultures who are quiet and speak in turn and wear the metaphorical suit and tie’. it is easy to show diversity when you only take on the voices that arent too ‘strange’.

to prove my point i ask you this: do you think orville peck would have FOR ONE SECOND been asked to perform at the texas library association event without his mask?

so with that i say ‘very sincerely, thank you, but i will have to decline the re-invitation. maybe next year’

#love is real #txla #chuck tingle #buckaroo lifestyle

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magnetothemagnificent · 2 years

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You know, I fucking hate the jokes that people with ADHD and autistic people just magically get along well.

Like....spoiler alert.....but putting two people with conflicting sensory needs in a room together is a recipe for disaster.

I have ADHD and autism. I have a lot of issues with loud noises or movement. If you put me in a room together with someone who vocally stims, we are not going to get along well. It's not that they're a bad person, it's not that I'm a bad person, we just have conflicting needs.

I stim a lot by pacing and wringing my hands. My dad, who probably has ADHD, gets really anxious when people pace.

This is a big reason why lumping all the disabled students in one classroom is bad idea, like many schools do. Because like all people, disabled people are each different people. With different needs. With different sensory needs and triggers.

Someone could stim by smacking their lips, while another person could have misophonia and have a strong reaction to those sounds.

Treating disabled people like humans is acknowledging that we're all different people, and we don't magically all get along because we share a condition. Like....it would be bigoted to assume that of any other marginalized group, so why would you do that to disabled people?

#actually disabled #adhd #autism #neurodivergent #disability #ableism

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haute-pockette · 4 months

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The Doctor being disabled.

Every incarnation sitting somewhere on the autism spectrum. Their stims and behaviors vary between incarnations.

First doctor with alexithymia. On Gallifrey it was fine, ignored. A "superior race" that prided itself in observation without interference doesn't put too much stalk in compassion. But meeting humans up close with Barbara and Ian started him down a path of learning to put words to his own feelings as well as others.

As his body aged he also developed arthritis. The cane was for mobility as much as it was for style. He learned the hard way that aspirin is not Gallifreyan friendly (he survived the small dose, but it scared the hell out of Susan).

Two with lots of physical stims. All his gestures and wringing his hands, grabbing onto companions.

Dyspraxic Two. Chicken scratch handwriting, stumbling over his words and his feet. He really leans into tactile sensations whether it's the texture of his clothes or holding onto a companion, it was always grounding for him.

Third tended to shut down more than his first two since the constant stress and frustration of exile had him already wound pretty tight. He'll lock himself in the lab and just put himself on autopilot until he recharges enough to deal with whatever shenanigans are happening.

Three has tinnitus that of various sounds including almost like the tardis materialization sound. He often has to look up to check if the Master is showing up to bother him or not.

Four has ADHD alongside with autism. He struggles with constantly running from responsibility and wanting to have some sense of control of situations.

It's one of those snowballs of procrastination causing anxiety which causes him to procrastinate further. Unless it's urgently life threatening, his stress response is freeze.

Five masks and suppresses his emotions in an attempt to blend with neurotypicals more since he's self-conscious of his previous "eccentricity" as Four. It causes a lot of strain between him and Tegan after Earthshock.

Peripheral neuropathy causing muscle weakness in his legs cause of the difficult regeneration. Look how much he falls over and leans on the tardis console, he can't stand straight for long periods of time without aids. Usually has braces, but will use a cane around the tardis (would use the wheelchair but it's dead in the Castrovalva river).

Six gets overstimulated easier than some, especially by noises and textures. Usually that with things not going accordingly tends to set off meltdowns. Ever since he hurt Peri he turns his energy on himself instead.

Bipolar Six. He tends to handle mania better than depression, at least when he has too much energy he knows he can spend it and try to get it out. He'll usually park the tardis somewhere his companion can enjoy and shut himself away in the cloister room or zero room when at the worst of his lows.

Also type 1 diabetic six, regenerating from poison fucked with his metabolism. He is careful to take care of his blood sugar, but he's terrible at remembering to stay hydrated. That's why Mel is always shoving carrot juice at him.

Seven has ADD (yes I know it's technically "ADHD of the predominantly inattentive type" but ADD is easier). ADD as in he's always in his own head, always five points ahead of the conversation. His train of thought is incomprehensible to most, but there is a string of logic to it.

Dyspraxic Seven with an abnormal gait and stance. Bad posture makes him look shorter than he is. Only he can read his own handwriting, which he insists is not as bad as it is.

#I'll do Eight and the rest in another post #This one is getting long #Doctor Who #Headcanons #Classic Who #First Doctor #Second Doctor #Third Doctor #Fourth Doctor #Fifth Doctor #Sixth Doctor #Seventh Doctor

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 1 month

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AITA for being upset that my boyfriend of 3 years doesn't remember our anniversary even though i know he has adhd? ☕️☕️

I (26 W) have been dating my partner (32 M) for over 3 years now. He is officially diagnosed with ADHD and I am currently waiting for my own diagnosis for ADHD. He got diagnosed shortly before we got together and he has opened to me about how insecure he is over his disabilities causing a rift between us since all his previous relationships end with his partners leaving after they "get tired of dealing with his issues" because he also has autism and has been rude before in regards to my weight despite knowing that i am recovered from an eating disorder and this is the context in which his insecurities were disclosed to me. I also don't mean rude like accidentally, he literally put his hands on my stomach and said "what is this" after we had already had several Big Fights in regards to his previously rude behavior. For further context, I told him on our second date that I have a strict boundary around food and my weight and would appreciate it if he kept comments about my body weight or how much i eat to himself because it's triggering for me.

I try to be mindful of his limitations but recently, he asked me if he had forgotten our anniversary. This wouldn't bother me as much if it wasn't our third anniversary coming up in a couple of weeks and if I hadn't repeatedly told me over our time together the exact date of our anniversary. Now, I don't expect him to remember dates off the top of his head. I struggle with that information myself but what I DO hold against him is the fact that he KNOWS he forgets things and doesnt make ANY effort to have a failsafe against that. I put everything in my phone and he WORKS in tech so he knows how easy it is to set a repeat event with reminders nowadays so I don't understand why he can't just fucking figure out how to remember our anniversary without constantly making me be the one to remind him. I have told him exactly this and asked him why he didn't write it down over the last 3 years if he knows he's bad with dates. he said "that's a good point" and that was that. Now, he keeps trying to manipulate the information out of me by asking me when I'm like half asleep because he "thought i might slip up and just tell him."

Am I in the wrong for being mad over this? it feels like he doesn't care enough to do the bare minimum of being in a relationship with another person. I've dated others before with ADHD and it's never been a fucking issue before for them to remember our anniversary. I myself put in the effort when I care about someone to do the bare minimum and write down information I want to remember about someone. I just don't understand why I feel so guilty over getting mad about this when I feel like I have every right to be upset because it's not like I haven't been forthcoming before, it's not like i haven't repeatedly told him over the years and he puts in birthdays to his calendar so like why doesn't he care enough to put our anniversary into it? He wants to marry me but I dont want to spend the rest of my life reminding him to care enough about me to remember things like my birthday, our anniversary or my eating disorder.

But I also know that expecting people with ADHD to remember things is kind of an ableist move and I don't want to start an argument where I'm being a dick to his disabilities. So WIBTA if I decided to make this into a big deal because it is for me knowing my partner has ADHD and cannot help being so forgetful all the time?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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spop-romanticizes-abuse · 4 months

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How to Write Disability: SPOP vs ATLA

(TW: ableism)

(before i start talking about this, i have to tell you that i am not physically disabled so my observations may not be a 100% correct. i'm only writing this post in relation to my experience with autism. if you feel like something i've said is inaccurate or insensitive, please feel free to let me know!)

so the two characters i wanted to talk about, in reference to writing disabled/neurodivergent characters, is Entrapta from SPOP and Toph from ATLA.

Entrapta is an autistic woman who grew up in solitude, only surrounded by robots. as a result, she is desperate for human etherian connection while at the same time, struggling with social interactions because of her autism.

she was pretty heavily autistic-coded, even before the writers confirmed that she was canonically autistic; she has a hyperfixation on tech and machinery, she is shown to stim a lot, she has a preference for tiny food (likely a sensory issue) and she is not good at reading social cues or communicating in a way that neurotypical people would understand. she is also an extremely intelligent and intuitive person who is not only good at handling tech but also shows love and affection towards people in her own way.

Toph is a character from ATLA, who was born blind. not completely unlike Entrapta, Toph was also raised in solitude, although she had her parents and servants to look after her.

her parents were convinced that Toph was incapable of being independent, because of her blindness, and were unwilling to look past her disability and treat her as a person. as a result, Toph is extremely rebellious and stubborn. she is an incredibly capable individual who learned how to navigate her way through earthbending. however, she still faces difficulties due to her disability and has to rely on her friends every once in a while.

the trope that these two shows share in relation to their disabled characters is the humor. there are jokes made about Entrapta's and Toph's disability in both shows. however, the key element that differentiates these jokes is the target.

Toph was never the butt of a joke in ATLA. in fact, she was the one making jokes about her disability 90% of the time. Toph was comfortable enough with her blindness that she didn't mind joking about it or even pranking the others sometimes.

in fact, one of the running gags in the series is that the other characters forget that Toph is blind because of how insanely capable she is.

Toph is never the butt of the joke, she's the one making fun of the others for forgetting about her disability. and it's all done in good faith.

and whenever someone is being ableist towards Toph, it's taken seriously. it's not played off as a joke and the narrative doesn't act like people mistreating Toph is this funny gag that everyone should laugh at.

now let's come to Entrapta. there are “jokes” in the show made about her disability as well, except these jokes are often made at her expense.

one of the most problematic parts of the show concerning Entrapta is the way Perfuma leashes her TWICE, because she was worried that Entrapta would get distracted and leave the group. so instead of holding Entrapta's hand or something like a normal person would, Perfuma decides that the best way to tackle this situation is to treat Entrapta like an animal and put her on a leash.

this is shown as a joke and is never addressed seriously. the show writers think that Entrapta being dehumanized and infantilized is supposed to be funny and quirky. Entrapta never gets to confront Perfuma about this or gets any kind of closure.

this was the main example of ableism in the show but there are also other minor scenes where we see characters treat her in a way that other characters aren't treated.

examples being Catra using Entrapta's trauma and loneliness to manipulate her, and Mermista literally yanking on Entrapta's hair and yelling at her, because she couldn't understand social cues.

there are also multiple examples of what i'd like to call the “translate nerd language” trope, where one of the other characters get irritated at Entrapta for using technical terms while speaking, and she has to dumb it down for them.

there's a way to write disabled characters and while Entrapta was a very relatable and sympathetic character, the ableism towards her is never addressed. the princesses are never called out on their actions, while Catra gets off scot-free after a vague apology.

when ableism was portrayed in ATLA, it was always taken seriously. Toph was allowed to leave her toxic parents and find people who accepted her for who she is, she was allowed to prove people wrong and be a powerful character in her own right. meanwhile, Entrapta was forced to be friends with the people who mistreated her and she was only kept around because she was useful.

#yes this is a repost because tumblr decided to act weird lol #ableism tw #tw ableism #spop critical #spop salt #spop criticism #spop discourse #spop #she ra #anti spop #neurodivergent #autism #disability #entrapta #toph #atla #also toph was allowed to be vulnerable as well she wasnt strong 100% of the time #she was allowed to talk about her concerns and miss her parents even after the way they treated her #meanwhile entrapta's trauma is never addressed

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luveline · 10 months

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If you ever start requests up again (if you don't thats fine lol), I'd wonder how Miguel would be with an autistic (or any neurodivergent disability) reader? Thanks regardless for the great reads you've given!

hi!! i don't have autism so please forgive any inauthenticity, but i have a frame of reference in someone close to me so I hope this is somewhat like you wanted! if you ever want to request with specific traits, please do! ty for requesting

"This is the worst thing that could've happened," Miguel says, furious.

You, sitting on the table by his workbench, glance away from your book reluctantly. Your lips part, confusion a line between your brows as you ask, "Are you making a joke?"

"It's hyperbole. I'm exaggerating."

"I thought so, but it's hard to tell. You said it very convincingly."

"Sorry," he says, glaring down at his broken doohickey. Useless plastic, useless screwdriver useless Miguel.

"Exaggerating… you're upset," you say.

Miguel is both surprised and not. He doesn't always expect you to be able to read him. Your autism complicates how you recognise emotion, but you're caring, and now you've been told an effect (exaggeration) you can identify the cause (Miguel's broken device).

"I'm frustrated," he tells you, leaning back in his chair. "I really thought this one would work."

"I think the wrong thing all of the time," you say, sympathy creeping into your tone. Some might think you're unemotional, and the reality might be true for others, even yourself when you're with unfamiliar people, but it's not true in this instance. "Maybe I can help."

Miguel scoots back his chair and you stand between his thighs, eyes roving over the fragments of his device, taking everything in. You love engineering —your involvement with the Arachno Humanoid Poly Multiverse had been, in your own words, the best thing that ever happened to you, as it dropped you head first into new technology, better technology than you ever saw on your Earth. You spend longer than you should bending over books about science undiscovered on your planet, your life a pressing of hydraulics, centrifuges, holographic projection, and magbelt machinery that Miguel loves to play.

"It's badly soldered," you say.

He winces. No punches held. "I used to be better."

"You're bad now."

You asked him a while back to let you know if you ever stepped on his toes, so to speak. Usually Miguel would leap to agitated disagreement, but you asked, and he likes you. He explains.

"Ah, that hurts my feelings," he says, without heat. "I know objectively that you're right, but people appreciate fluffing when it comes to observational critique." Miguel scoots his chair back as you turn to face him. "It's okay. I'm not mad."

"You're patient," you say, nodding. "Sorry. Fluffing… how would you say it?"

"I'd say, your soldering is a little iffy."

"It's a lot iffy."

"That's the fluffing. A white lie. No one's feelings get hurt and the problem is still identified."

You nod more. "I'm a little better at soldering. I can fix it for you."

"Nice," he says.

He stands up and squeezes your shoulder gently. Your face dips to his hand and holds it there, cheek pressed to his knuckles, a smile turning the corners of your mouth up. Miguel isn't expecting it, but he doesn't rush you.

"Can we spend time together after we fix it?" you ask.

"If we fix it."

"I can fix it," you say happily, straightening your head and freeing his hand. "I'm much better at soldering than you."

Miguel's a prideful person by instinct. He walks to the side of the workshop where he keeps the soldering iron and associated paraphernalia, throwing a quip over his shoulder, "You think you're better."

"I know I'm better," you say, sitting in his chair. "Sorry. I know a little that I'm better."

He should say, Hey, we'll work on it, but Miguel doesn't want to. He likes you just as you are, accidental insults and all.

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blondwhowrites · 2 months

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A/N: This is for all my autistic homies. I fucking love you guys 😘. Btw this is based on how autism shows itself in girls/women. Remember for all my autistic girlies, never ever feel sorry for being yourself ❤️

"Mattheo, I'm autistic."

Mattheo looked at you, mouth agape. He raised an eyebrow, looking at you quizzically, obviously confused. "What's that?" he questioned, his head tilting slightly to the side.

You stared at him, unblinking. "You don't know what autism is?" You asked, slowly processing his lack of information. Was wizard society really that far behind? Damn. You sighed, chewing on your lower lip. How was one supposed to explain autism to someone who has probably no idea what disabilities even are?

"Well, Matty, to sum it up, I don't work like other people do," you tried to explain while sitting down next to him. "My mind works differently than yours and other people's."

He watched you curiously, taking in your words and trying to make sense of them in his mind. "Is that supposed to scare me away because, darling, it isn't working? You're not getting rid of me."

You laughed, shaking your head. "I mean, it might scare some people away, but no, that's not why I'm telling you this," you replied, your heart swelling with happiness at seeing his positive reaction. "I'm telling you this because I want you to know that being in a relationship with me will be different from other relationships you have been in before."

Mattheo nodded, his foot repeatedly tapping the ground. "Well, I'm willing to learn. So lay it all on me, baby," he chuckled, his lips curling up in a smile as he looked at you. He watched as you wrung your hands together, and he reached out, grabbing one of your hands and squeezing it. "Darling, I'm being serious when I say I want to learn."

Your shoulders went slack, and you let out a deep sigh. The nerves you felt slowly washed away with the assurance of his words. "Well," you began.

"I have a hard time with social cues and reading people. If someone is mad at me or annoyed, I won't be able to tell unless they specifically tell me that. While some people might be able to take hints, I can't really recognize them. I need you to be straightforward with me about your feelings." Your eyes darted to his, making sure he was listening before you continued.

"I can't handle loud and crowded places that well. They make me overwhelmed and overstimulated, and that can lead me to have a meltdown. Which is when my mind practically shuts down, or at least it feels like it, and I kind of regress during those. I can't speak or do anything, and I tend to hurt myself during those, like hitting myself. I also sometimes hurt others when they try to help me through my meltdowns. I don't mean to; I just can't really control what I do in those moments. Sometimes even the slightest of things can cause me to melt down or panic. If a change of plans happens, I can sometimes have extreme reactions to it that can derail my entire day. I'm not very good with change. I stim a lot, and sometimes it can look weird. Like, whenever I'm excited, you know how I jump up and down and flail my hands? That's me stimming. Repetitive motions, stuff like that. I also have a weird relationship with touch and intimacy. It depends on the person; for example, I feel comfortable touching you, but with Blaise, I don't. It changes a lot."

Mattheo listened intently to your words, nodding along and trying to make a mental checklist. All of this was important to you, and that meant it was important to him too. He didn't care how long this conversation would take, he was willing to hear everything you had about this.

"I go non-verbal sometimes, and I can't speak or talk for hours up to days. I literally can't talk, even if I want to. That usually happens after meltdowns or when I'm feeling really intense emotions. I have sensory issues and can't wear some clothes because of how they feel on my body. My relationship with food is basically non-existent. I can't eat some things because of how it feels, and sometimes I go selective eating, and it's really hard to eat anything else besides my safe foods. I also just sometimes forget to eat because I don't really process that I feel hungry unless I'm starving. I mask my autism a lot, hence why people sometimes think I'm lying when I tell them I'm autistic. I tend to copy other people unconsciously. That's why you see me and Pansy having a lot of the same little habits. "

You finished, your voice faltering as you looked at him nervously, trying to gauge his reaction. "There's a lot of other things, but that's like a pretty surface-level breakdown of it." You added, looking away from him and at the ground. "Oh, and also, if you see me not looking at you during conversations, it's not because I'm not listening; it's because I'm just not good with eye contact."

It was a lot of new information for Mattheo. He'd never considered the fact that people could, how did you say it, work differently? He'd have to ask you more about it during a later conversation. "I can work with that," he shrugged.

Your lips curled up into a smile, and your eyes slowly lit up. "Really?" you asked, genuinely worried that he was just playing with you.

"Well, I mean, obviously, I have a lot to learn still, and I'm probably going to make a lot of mistakes."

"Everyone makes mistakes," you interrupted him.

He shushed you, playfully pressing his finger to your lips to stop you from talking. "What I'm trying to say is that your being autistic changes nothing to me. It's who you are, and I love who you are. I promise you, I'm going to try my hardest."

You felt tears prick your eyes, and you nodded. "You have no idea how much that means to me, Matty," you sniffled, and you squeezed his hand.

"Like I said before, darling, you're not ever getting rid of me."

#harry potter #slytherin boys #reader insert #mattheo riddle #mattheo riddle x you #mattheo x you #mattheo riddle x reader #autism #autism hc #autism awareness #mattheo riddle blurb 🐍

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peachseashell · 6 months

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Hi :)

Can I request Xiao and Wanderer (separately) with an autistic s/o pls? Gender neutral reader if it's possible thank you!!

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗ Special to me

Xiao and Wanderer with an autistic s/o

Gender neutral reader

Genre: fluff

Warnings: food textures (sensory issues), reader is kinda emotional and Introverted, Wanderer is kinda toxic and possessive, mentions of anxiety.

Notes: I was actually so excited to write this because I love these characters and I'm also diagnosed with autism so it makes me so happy writing about something that I can easily portray! So thanks for your request ml 💕

Xiao

- He has little knowledge of human and abilities and basically anything about them apart from they work, eat and sleep. He never really fussed over it much until he met you and learned that you're quite different from all the other mortals he's encountered.

- You have to teach him about your needs, preferences, feelings, opinions as he doesn't always understand. He's scared that he won't know what to do when you're in an emotional state because he knows you feel things differently from others.

- I feel as though Xiao is a good listener and can sit in silence while you ramble on about anything you want, even thougg he may not understand a single thing about what's coming out of your mouth. He's also learned that he needs to be careful how he words things in case you misunderstand or take his harsh words to literally.

- This may just be me, but physical touch is something I'm not particularly fond of at all and I don't know if this is an autistic thing or just me. But anyway, Xiao's more than happy to give you your own well deserved space and alone time; though sometimes he can be very touch starved in my opinion.

- However, if you don't mind affection I can see Xiao warming up to you and leaning in closer and resting on you. This affection is mostly displayed during inside areas, usually when you're both very calm. Bedtime is when you can catch him most vulnerable and cuddling up to you like a snug bug in a rug.

- Xiao understands your eating issues and that sometimes your picky. You both share the dislike of certian textures and flavours, not just food but the feel of objects as well. For example, if a blanket is too scratchy or fish is too slimey, or shoes are too squeaky. Sensory issues are probably something he has in common with you.

Wanderer

- I feel as though Wanderer is very educated on this topic. Even if he is a puppet, I think perhaps he must of come across an autistic person and became curious, therefore leading him to want to learn more about it during his time as a fatui harbinger or maybe at the Akademiya.

- 100% remembers your likes and dislikes, never forgets them; keeps a secret diary all about you because he loves you so much. Buys you things to help with fidgeting and stress whenever you're distracted and loves hearing you ramble on about the littlest and strangest topics.

- No matter how confident he may be that he can look after you. He's helpless in a situation when you're completely exhausted and panicked or upset. Lets you shout at him to be honest because he knows it's not really personally against him. This may sound cruel, but he may leave you to let it out on your own in case he upsets you even more, the best thing he thinks to do is give you space.

- Of course after he'll cook you your favourite meal and dry any spilt tears, isn't he just so dreamy? Doesn't like to admit it but he loves it when you have nobody to turn to but him because he's the only one who understands. Holds your hand when you're nervous whenever you two go out and the anxiety takes over you.

- will hunt anyone down who makes fun of you for any habits, preferences or anything you have that makes you slightly unique; he just hates people who can't accept that disabilities aren't something to joke about. he just doesn't want to see you hurt because of someones stupid opinion, it makes his non existing heart twist and break.

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five-thousand-loaves-of-bread · 1 year

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on one hand i know why like in online autistic space, people are really against assuming support needs online. because sure what put online is only a fraction of experience. some only want post positive things. and other people mask difficulties so appear better off than actually are, etc. know all that!

but issue comes when… there is consistent pattern of a specific type of lower support needs (LSN) autistic generalizing their LSN experience, pathologize every little experience as autism, spread misinfo, use aspie supremacist rhetoric,

erase higher support needs (HrSN) autistic experience, speaking over us, perpetuate extremely harmful ableism against us, do not reflect own privilege, pose self as most oppressed,

and misusing support needs label

and it’s important to note that it’s mostly being done by (a specific group of) lower support needs autistic. because they have more communication abilities, more self advocacy abilities or more able to learn self advocate, more independence, more closer to the mythical “neurotypicality” ideal, more able to mask, etc etc… loudest, most majority, most listened to.

“how dare you assume my support needs when you don’t know me” has been conveniently used as a shield to free them of responsibility. “if conveniently don’t mention that have lower support needs, or have level 1 autism, then they can’t criticize me of perpetuating aspie supremacy can’t criticize me of not reflecting on my LSN advantage, and i can become the victim and escape accountability.”

and. another layer of issue is. some of them genuinely think they high support needs or have substantial support needs because they need support and don’t have needs met. when they’re… not.

i have been putting off addressing this topic because i don’t want a slippery slope to fake claiming, or give off “i know you more than you” because i don’t.

but. i know the autism spectrum more than them. i know the support needs spectrum and autism levels more than you. and maybe even most important, i know what i don’t know about these topics more than you.

yes, HrSN autistics can achieve great things, as much or maybe even more than LSN and nonautistic nondisabled people.

yes, some HrSN autistics can speak relatively fluidly. some HrSN autistics may be able to mask. some HrSN autistic may be not as visible HrSN/autistic every single second of day—less likely, but who am i to generalize?

BUT. and i have addressed this over and over and over again in my posts. being HrSN is not just about needing help with “eating” (and by eating they mean cooking and not actually feeding), reminder to shower, budgeting, getting groceries, some of the time. being level 2/3 is not just about other people think you “weird” sometimes, or meltdown once in a while (like weeks apart).

overwhelmingly more HrSN autistics struggle with masking or unable to mask at all, with most or all communication, living independently is often not even an option to consider for us, can’t hold job (mayybe unless very specific employment support), visibly autistic, visibly disabled.—as in, you can tell. strangers can tell.

for many of us, there is no reasonable deniability, there’s no benefit of the doubt, there’s no hiding.

for many of us, we are concerned and focusing on basic living skills.

and i’m trying to be generous here. i’m trying to give these people & behavior i’m critiquing the benefit of the doubt. there are harsher things i want to say that im holding off right now.

not saying there’s nothing wrong with assuming support needs. not saying we should all start random assign internet people support needs labels.

but there is nuance. some people don’t like that nuance tho because it not in their favor and they can’t play victim anymore

#actually autistic #actuallyautistic #autism #high support needs #low support needs #medium support needs #nd #asd #visibility #actually disabled #actually neurodivergent #loaf screm

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cy-cyborg · 9 months

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Writing amputees: Phantom limb sensation/Phantom Limb pain

This was something I got asked about a lot whenever I made videos about amputee representation, so let's talk about Phantom Limb Sensation (PLS) and Phantom Limb Pain (PLP).

TW: Description of surgical amputation process. section with this content can be skipped and the start/end will be clearly marked.

What is it and what causes it?

Phantom Limb Sensation is when you can feel a limb, even after it's been amputated. This phantom limb is a VERY common side effect of amputation, one that almost every amputee experiences at some point. Depending on how the limb was amputated, how old the person was at the time and the condition of the limb before amputation, it can last for as little as a year to being a life-long condition.

it's caused by the part of your brain responsible for proprioception - the sense of where your body is in space. Your brain has an internal map of your body and specifically your nervous system, and it uses this to determine where certain body parts are in space, even without input from your 5 main senses, meaning you don't need to look to know where, say, your leg or hand is (usually, though other disabilities like autism and ADHD can affect this and make it less accurate). Usually, the brain senses where your body parts are using a combination of this map and input from nerves. But if something happens to your body part, that internal map can have a lot of trouble updating, and when the internal map and the nerve inputs don't match, it can cause your brain to panic and fill in the gaps from the missing input signals, creating the sensation that a lost body part, usually a limb, is still there. For some, the limb light be locked in place, other might have the sensation of the limb "growing back" (though as I understand it, this typically only happens to very young children) and others feel as though the limb is perfectly fine and moving along with the rest of the body normally.

This sensation isn't unique to people who have lost limbs mind you: some trans people who have had top or bottom surgery, people who've had mastectomies, and even people who have had growths or tumours removed often report a similar sensation of their removed parts still being present, though it's not usually as intense and fades after a few months to a few years on its own with minimal intervention, leading to it being categorized as a separate phenomenon to Phantom Limbs in these cases.

Phantom Limb Pain is an extension of phantom limb sensation, caused by the body's more extreme reaction to the same phenomenon. The exact reason why it occurs isn't known, but in many people, instead of feeling a persistent pressance of a limb that's no longer there, they will feel discomfort or pain radiating from the lost limb. For some people, it might be an itch on the phantom limb they can't scratch, for others, the pain can feel like intense "pins and needles" all over the lost limb, others feel an electric "zap" running through the non-existent nerves, live they've grabbed a low-voltage electic fence, some people feel a dull, pounding pain, like the lost limb is being crushed or pushed into positions it shouldn't be able to go into (e.g. someone who had their knee amputated might feel the joint bending in the wrong direction). Some people experience all of these, some only experience one. Everyone will be different.

How is it treated?

Like with many things in life, prevention is better than a cure. certain measures can be taken to lessen the intensity of PLP and PLS before it can even start.

Gore TW: description of the process of surgical amputations, skip to the "----" divider to avoid.

People who have had amputations in the last 10 years will go through a slightly different procedure than those who had amputations before then. Historically, the limb would be amputated by cutting directly through the limb and either sewn shut or by having a skin graft where tissue is used to create a "cap" at the end of the stump. These methods worked, but left nothing for the nerves to connect to once everything was healed, leading the brain to think the reason for the lack of signal from the limb is that the limb was simply broken. Not only can this cause added intensity to the nerve pain, and increase the risk of something called a neuroma, where the nerves attempt to mend the "break" and continue to grow until they hit the surface of the skin, causing them to bundle up and get tangled, creating a feed back loop and amplifying any signal from the area to unbearable levels (including phantom sensations).

Today though, when conditions allow, amputations are done by cutting through the limb as before, then once the skin layers are reached on the other side, surgeons cut downward, creating a long tab of skin which is pulled over the bottom of the stump and reattached to the front. This allows the major nerve pathways in the limb to connect with each other during the healing process, creating a loop in the nerves and tricking the brain into thinking it's still receiving signals from the amputated limb.

Those who had their amputations prior to this change in the procedure can have a similar operation done to achieve a similar effect, though in both cases, it doesn't always work and can lead to the brain producing very very strange phantom limb sensations. In my personal case, it creates a sensation that I can feel my own skin in the region as though it was something separate from the rest of the body, almost like I'm wearing a sock. Very odd, and honestly kind of cursed lol.

------------------------------------------------------

If prevention isn't an option though, different treatments exist.

One popular method is through compression. what's left of the amputated limb (called the stump) will be either wrapped in very strong compression bandages or the person can wear a fitted compression sock on the stump. This is usually done for the first 6-12 weeks after the amputation, though it can be done for longer under the supervision of a rehab specialist in some circumstances. After 6 weeks, 6-12 weeks, the stump will have healed enough for a prosthetic to be fitted. After this point, the person is encouraged to wear the prosthetic or at least the liner, usually made from silicone in modern prosthetics instead of a compression sock/bandage. The liners of the prosthetic offer milder compression, as does the socket of the prosthetic itself, and the "snug" feeling can, for some, make the phantom pain more bearable and the phantom sensation less frequent (though some people experience the opposite and will have increased PLP/PLS while adjusting to the prosthetic, though it usually subsides eventually).

For leg amputees specifically, they are encouraged to walk on their new prosthetics as much as possible, as the action of walking with the prosthetic will often trigger the phantom limb to start moving in time with the rest of the leg, and the sensation of walking can essentially trick the brain into using the phantom limb sensation to help the person walk more naturally and feel less unstable.

Another treatment is called Mirror Therapy, though this only works for single-limb amputees or arm and leg amputees who's amputations were on the same side (e.g. both left leg and left arm). The person puts their full remaining limb in front of a mirror and their amputated limb behind the mirror, then angles themselves so it appears that their full limb being reflected in the mirror is replacing the lost limb. If the person is experiencing an itch on their lost limb, they can scratch the full one, and look into the mirror. Eventually, your brain will feel the scratching sensation on the phantom limb instead.

If none of these options work, nerve pain medications such as gabapentin can be prescribed, though this is usually a last resort as these medications can have serious side effects and can prevent people from being able to do certain jobs or even drive depending on the dosage. As an absolute last resort, an injection can be given to the person to numb the stump. This does not stop the pain completely, but it does subdue it, though many doctors warn against this as it often means the person will not be able to feel if their stump is injured and can result in infected, untreated wounds.

Unfortunately, there is no "cure" yet, and many amputees just learn to live with PLP and PLS.

What things make you more or less likely to experience PLP/PLS?

There are some things that can make you more or less likely to experience PLP and PLS, and that can effect how intensely you experience them.

Your age when you lost the limb

People who are born without the limb almost never experience PLP and PLS, as their brain's internal map already knows the limb isn't there. Likewise, children who lost their limb very early in life don't usually experience PLS very intensely, or for very long, and are less likely to experience PLP at all. This is because when you are young, your brain is already updating that internal map because you're growing, so it has an easier time understanding the fact the limb isn't there anymore. Young brains are also constantly changing and growing, making them more adaptable in general to acquiring major disabilities. On the flip-side someone who lost their limb late in life is more likely to experience PLP and PLS for the rest of their lives. It can be managed, but it will likely always be pressant. Thier brains have not really needed to make any major updates to that map, often for decades, and are not really built to be able to do that, meaning PLP and PLS will likely take longer to go away, if they ever go away at all.

How you lost it and the condition of the limb before it was amputated.

If you lost your limb due to trauma, meaning events like accidents or major injury, the phantom sensation you experience will likely be much more painful, and could even feel like the injury or accident is happening over and over again. For example, someone who lost their arm to a shark attack might feel the sensation of the shark's teeth biting into it as well as the sensations described in the first section.

Alternatively, someone who had their limb amputated due to a pre-existing condition might continue to feel that condition even after the limb is gone. As a personal example, I've had multiple amputations throughout my life, but my most recent was due to a bone infection that formed at the bottom of my stump from a previous amputation. Now, when I experience phantom limb sensation, I can still feel where the infection reached the surface (where the nerves began to feel something was wrong). I had that leg amputated through the ankle as a young child, and when it was re-amputated higher up due to the infection, I didn't feel the whole leg, just the pre-existing stump.

Post Amputation Care

If a person does not receive proper medical care immediately after an amputation, their phantom sensation and pain will be significantly worse. My great Grandfather for example, lost part of his hand during WW2, but due to the situation, was not able to receive adequate medical care once he was established due to the medics being preoccupied with the actively dying. As a result of this and the traumatic nature of how he lost it in the first place, he experienced very intense phantom pain for the majority of his life. This is also important to keep in mind if your story takes place before the modern age, as it wasn't really understood how important post-amputation care was until recently, and many folks were left to just figure it out themselves.

Time

As with all things, phantom pain and phantom sensation fade with time. They may not ever go away entirely, but they do fade in intensity at least a little. This is especially important to keep in mind for characters with beyond-human lifespans. Your elderly grandmother character might not live long enough for their phantom pain to fade entirely, but your immortal vampire who's been alive for a millennia and lost their arm when they were human probably will.

Closing things to keep in mind

Wow, that was longer than I was expecting but I hope you found this all helpful. One last thing to keep in mind is that oftentimes, amputees who do experience PLS/PLP get pretty good at managing it, so you don't have to worry about it too much unless the amputation happens during the story itself or you want to make it a focus, this is just an explanation of what you can include if you like. Personally, though, I feel like it's an aspect of being an amputee that a lot of media rep overlooks, so it would be nice to see some more representation at least mention it. It doesn't have to be constant, but some brief comments or something of the like will go a long way.

#Writing Disability with Cy Cyborg #long post #writing disability #disability #disabled #disabilities #actually disabled #disability representation #amputee #writing #writing advice #writer #writeblr #on writing #writers on tumblr #authors of tumblr #authors #phantom limb #id in alt text

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letters-to-lgbt-kids · 2 years

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My dear lgbt+ kids,

Many years ago I watched a documentary about interabled couples (meaning that one partner is disabled, the other one isn't).

They interviewed multiple couples and asked how they met, what their friends and family think of the relationship, things like that. I don't remember most of it (I can't even tell you if it was an actual movie-length documentary or just a short piece in the local news) but there was one story that always stuck with me:

An autistic man had a crush on a woman he regularly saw at his doctor's office. So he decided to write her a letter. He wrote down a detailed description (if I recall correctly it was multiple pages long) of how their relationship could look like: date ideas that would be safe and enjoyable for him, situations in which he may require her support or help, possible communication struggles they may face and ideas on how to deal with them etc. The next time he saw her at the doctor's office, he handed her the letter. She read it, smiled and said "This says you can't go dancing with me because loud music overwhelms you. But I really love dancing. Could we dance at home if you are in control of the music volume?". He said "Yes" and she said "Okay, then let's do that"... and they have been a happy couple ever since.

I love that story. Honestly, I wish someone would come up to me and hand me a letter like that!

There are so many unspoken rules in the dating world that (neurotypical) people oftentimes just expect you to know and understand - especially the whole "be mysterious, play hard to get, don't scare people off by being too honest" stuff can be really confusing! His letter feels like an antidote to that. He clearly communicated his individual set of "rules" (boundaries, needs, wants). It may be my autism speaking, but this sounds like the ideal way to start a relationship for me: they were both on the same page from the get-go rather than having to guess what the other one wants.

As someone who has been rejected for being too honest and talking about boundaries too early, it feels comforting to me to know that someone did exactly that and was so successful with it.

I mentioned this old story to a friend a few days ago - and they didn't think it was cute. In fact, they were shocked and disgusted by it. That sounds incredibly toxic, they said. You can't just hand your partner a set of rules at the beginning of the relationship and demand they stick to them forever. Those things need to be an ongoing conversation that both partners get to contribute to. Love isn't a business contract that one person writes and the other just signs off on. Treating it like one is a red flag. And quite frankly, they'd feel super creeped out if a quasi-stranger wrote multiple pages about a relationship they didn't even agree to yet!

And you know what? I absolutely believe that my friend is right - and I also believe that I am right. It could be cute and it could be a red flag.

This goes for all kinds of relationships but it's especially important for those of us who have unique or less common "rules"/needs (which could be because you are neurodivergent, disabled or chronically ill but also be lgbt+-related, e.g because you are ace or aro): Doing things differently is not by default toxic - and not by default wholesome, either.

That letter could be a great starting point for healthy ongoing communication in a relationship... and it could also be toxic if it is used as a binding contract that doesn't allow any further conversation.

Apart from a few obvious exceptions, we can't really make a definite list of things that are always good or always toxic when it comes to dating/relationships - we need to think of things in context. And that goes for the "standard route" as well as for more unique approaches.

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

(P.S: For the record, I'm sure that the couple in the documentary does have ongoing, healthy communication!)

#I think it's unlikely that any of you know the documentary since it was so long ago - but if it seems familiar I'd love to know the title!#lgbt #lgbt+

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tismtay · 8 months

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A rant about how autism isn't an invisible disability

I'm free and willing to debate on this one.

So like, the term "invisible disability" for autism is correct, but also incorrect. Yes, just looking at an image of an autistic person, you wouldn't be able to know that they're autistic (unless they're obviously stimming in the image or have an AAC device on them. even the AAC device isn't surefire autism, other things besides autism exist that could cause someone to need AAC), unlike other disabilities such as physical disabilities. In this, yes, autism is an "invisible" disability. I honestly feel like a very narrow example like this is NOT representative of what we should be looking at for determining if a disability is truly "invisible."

Autism isn't "invisible" in the real world. For example, lets take stimming. Stimming is visible (or audible, depends on the stim). You can see when someone is stimming, assuming you can see the person. Autistic people stim a lot, whether it's unmasked hand flapping, hand shaking or rocking, among other things, or simply bouncing a leg, or along those lines.

Also, while yes, the social aspects of autism are invisible* they're still noticeable by allistic people. They notice the little nuances of how you act, how you portray yourself, et cetera.

Stuff like meltdowns, or shutdowns, are also obviously visible, even if meltdowns get confused with temper tantrums alot, they are still very much, visible.

To address the asterisk on invisible in the 3rd paragraph, some stuff is DEFINITELY visible, for example, not knowing personal space boundaries (something that I struggle with a lot) is something that is definitely visible, even to other autistic people, as it has to do with literal physical space. There are probably more things too.

The point(s?) I am really trying to make here is that

We shouldn't be saying a disability is "invisible" just because you can't tell immediately that someone is disabled by looking at a picture of glancing at them.

Autism isn't an invisible disability, not really.

#actually autistic #autism #long post #text heavy #longpost #rant post #autism rant

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ingravinoveritas · 6 months

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(**Warning: Spoilers for the OFMD 2 season finale follow. Read at your own risk.)

I've just watched the finale of season 2 of Our Flag Means Death, and it has stirred a lot of thoughts and feelings in me (as it has many of us, unquestionably). I had initially planned to include some of these thoughts in my review of GO 2 (which I still have not written), but the death of Izzy Hands (Con O'Neill) has brought back some of the feelings I had a few months ago, so I'd like to talk about the theme of ableism in GO 2 and OFMD.

Since the first season, Izzy Hands has seemingly been a polarizing figure, but there has been a clear emotional resonance on the part of fans toward him, and especially now in season 2. To have his arc and "redemption" come in such an ignominious fashion certainly feels like a slap in the face to those fans. I would characterize myself as "Izzy neutral" (that is, I did not hate him, but I didn't necessarily feel a deep connection to him, either), but what troubles me is how Izzy was ultimately treated as a disabled character.

Earlier in episode 8, the Revenge crew is jailed, and Prince Ricky pulls Izzy out of the cell to have a drink, and during this exchange Izzy says this line, which we had previously heard in one of the trailers:

It was Izzy who the writers/creative team specifically chose to have say this line, and because of that, I find it very difficult to swallow the idea that he was the one character who was later killed. That in the end, the character who speaks about belonging is the one who doesn't get to belong. As if he was there to further Ed's storyline, to be an object lesson for him, and was then disposable after that.

Further compounding the issue was the crew using Izzy's prosthetic leg as a grave marker (presumably under the assumption that he no longer needed it). But for many disabled people, prostheses and wheelchairs and other accommodations are what help us thrive in the world and are part of who we are, so to me, taking that away from him inadvertently diminished how complex and multifaceted Izzy had become as a character and seemingly reduced him to little more than a mascot.

As a person on the autism spectrum who works in the field of disability, Izzy's line about belonging resonated with me extremely deeply. For many of us who are neurodivergent or disabled, this is the stuff of our everyday lives--being told through childhood, adolescence, and even adulthood that we are nothing, and that our lives do not have value. I spent so many years searching for that sense of belonging, to know that I had a place in the world, and it was not something anyone could give to me, but something I had to fight for. To make that space, because no one else would.

As I've said before, while I have watched both shows, I am far more into and emotionally connected to GO than OFMD. This leads me to GO season 2, and the parallels to this that I saw there. In GO 2, we have the character of Saraqael (Liz Carr), who is an angel that uses a wheelchair (as does the actor who plays them). It's shown in one of the episodes that Saraqael's power is to miracle wheelchair ramps everywhere they go, and in nearly all of the reviews and articles I've read about the second season, this trait is met with widespread praise.

But to me it mirrored precisely what we see in real life--that is, that the burden of accessibility is often placed on disabled people ourselves. I would have loved to have seen one of the able-bodied angels have not only the power, but the desire to create those ramps. It was disheartening to me to think that even in a seemingly ideal place like Heaven (although we know it certainly isn't), it is the disabled character who has to create a place for themselves.

The character choices around Saraqael and Izzy are something I would describe as benevolent ableism, in that while no harm was likely intended, it still reinforces long-ingrained prejudices and ideas about disability. There is so much intersectionality between queerness and disability as well, and so it is disappointing to see an opportunity to have that idea of "belonging" encompass every character only encompass certain characters instead.

I truly think this will only change if and when we have disabled people behind the camera as well as in front of it. And I hope that day comes sooner rather than later so that all of the fans who see themselves in Izzy or Saraqael are not left feeling the way they do now...

#our flag means death #ofmd 2 #ofmd 2 spoilers #izzy hands #con o'neill #good omens #good omens 2 #saraqael #liz carr #ableism #disability #media and disability #i'm feeling a lot of feelings #so i hope this all makes sense #not trying to hate on either show but really wishing things had been done better #thoughts #discourse #gif by me

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equalperson · 3 months

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being autistic and avoidant

i've noticed that both my avoidant personality and my autistic neurology impact each other greatly. still, even though it's one of the more frequent personality diagnoses alongside autism, i don't really see anyone talk about what being an avoidant autistic is like.

that being said, here are a few ways i notice they interact in my personal experience:

cognitive empathy

a major part of both disabilities are their impacts on cognitive empathy. autism often causes people to avoid assuming others' thoughts and feelings, while avoidants tend to assume these feelings are negative and personal.

before i developed my avoidant personality, i fell into the latter category. people could be blatantly unhappy and i'd just...assume things were fine.

at this point, however, my avoidant perspective-taking has definitely become my main thought process. i always feel like people hate me or what i'm doing or just generally aren't in the mood to deal with me.

i wouldn't say that i "have cognitive empathy" now, but moreso that i'm too focused on avoiding rejection to not be constantly assume the worst.

self-esteem

another part of avoidant personality is the idea that you're socially inept, regardless of evidence. being autistic complicates this since--by definition--all autistic people would be considered "socially inept" by society.

this makes it difficult to know when autistic self-awareness ends and avoidant self-deprecation begins. am i incapable of [social thing] because i'm autistic, or because i simply don't believe i am?

at points, i've questioned my autism due to this. like, maybe i'm just exaggerating; i've seen allistic avoidants mistake it for autism before, as well.

however, others' perspectives and my significant restrictive/repetitive behavior makes it clear that it's not just me.

self-direction

my ability to manage myself is impacted by both my autism and my avoidance.

on the one hand, autism gives me executive dysfunction, autistic inertia, and rituals that are rigid to the point of self-sabotage.

but on the other hand, being avoidant makes me too self-conscious to take care of myself easily, namely considering that i don't live alone, thus am in a constant state of social vigilance.

for example, i've yet to learn how to cook.

one issue is that i've gotten so used to the routine of having food made for me that it's triggering to be suddenly encouraged to change, but another is that i'm afraid of the attention taking any initiative would bring.

i don't believe i'd be shamed for it, but being avoidant makes any attention feel intimidating to me; it's not purely a fear of criticism, but generally a fear of recognition (which is ironic considering that i'm also a narcissist, making me very attention-seeking, as well).

social skills

not only does being avoidant impact how i think of my social abilities, but also how i utilize them.

being alexithymic, it can be hard to understand even my own motivations in things. at points, i can't tell if i'm being quote/unquote "socially inept" because i can't understand the situation or because i simply don't want to make any moves.

for example, i almost never make eye contact with others. i originally thought of this as part of my autism, but i honestly can't tell if it's that or my avoidant personality.

on the one hand, eye contact is sincerely overwhelming, but on the other, i can easily do it with animals, fictional characters, and my own reflection. i also made eye contact pre-avoidance. maybe i'm simply too afraid of the intimacy, not actually sensory-sensitive to it?

in other situations, it can be a mixture of both autism and avoidance.

for example, i tend to avoid initiating conversations. i don't want to draw attention to myself or risk rejection, but i also genuinely don't know how i'm expected to start a conversation at all.

external perceptions

i've been told that my social anxiety is obvious, but not my autism. if most people knew what avoidant personality was, i assume i'd probably be recognized as outright avoidant very easily.

pretty much everyone considers me withdrawn in some way. i've been called quiet, indecisive, easy (as in "passive"), reserved, and various similar words.

in some cases, this works in my favor. there have been situations where people have treated me even friendlier than they do others because they see me as fragile.

in many other cases, this works against me; people avoid me because i'm too withdrawn for their tastes. this enables my avoidant behavior, as it affirms--and partially caused--my belief that no one could actually want to be around me.

in other cases, people don't see me as anxious, but just emotionally cold. people have sometimes questioned if i hated them or was angry with them due to my behavior. however, this is typically due to explicitly autistic behavior rather than anything avoidant.

apparently, people also see me as somewhat eccentric. my mom described it once as "the many quirks of ian." i'm not fully aware what these quirks are, but they're there.

#autism #avoidant personality disorder #avpd #actually autistic #actually avoidant #actually avpd

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