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#like obviously in real time I’d also be worried about the person getting hurt but like

themattgirl · 4 months

Note

could you please make one where Chris and reader are dating and reader feels sick and Chris just takes care of her and acts all sweet and stuff? 🫠

an: thank you for the request ily 🧡

this turned out so much longer than i intended

this isn’t my first one shot but it’s the first with one of the sturniolo triplets in it.

obviously their characters have been altered by me a little to fit into the story but i tried to make it as realistic as possible by keeping their personality traits as they are in real life.

also comment or like this post if you want to be added to the taglist

pairing: chris x fem!reader

word count: 4.1k

warnings: fluff, use of ‘babe’ and ‘ma’ as pet names for reader, intentional wrong spelling in text messages to make it more realistic, mentions of nsfw themes, swearing, lots of playful teasing between characters

y/n’s dialogue

chris’ dialogue

matt’s dialogue

nick’s dialogue

mary lou’s dialogue

“it’s just a cold, nothing serious i promise. i don’t think i can come over today though, i don’t wanna infect any of you. i’m sorry for ruining movie night,” i say to chris on facetime before breaking into a cough. i turn the camera away from me, not wanting him to see me in a disgusting state like this. if i could, i would’ve muted myself so he doesn’t have to listen to it either. plus, i know how worried he gets with any type of sickness or unwell feeling really.

so, of course it wouldn’t be chris if he didn’t immediately furrow his brows.

“babe no, don’t apologize. you didn’t choose to get sick.”

he gets up from where he was sitting on the couch and goes downstairs to his bedroom. he puts the phone down so all i can see now is his ceiling. his voice sounds a little farther away when he speaks again, “it doesn’t really sound like nothing serious, does anything hurt?”

“to be honest, my whole body has been aching since i woke up this morning. it’s not too bad, just a dull ache, i can still move and all that, even if i’d prefer to just lay here and rot away,” i laugh and hold back the cough that wants to escape right after in hopes it would make him worry a little less. vainly.

“your voice sounds stuffy and kinda hoarse, does your throat hurt?”

“i forgot you turn into a doctor every time somebody doesn’t feel great,” i roll my eyes even though he can’t see it with his phone still down and him on the other side of the room from how distant his voice sounds.

“shut up, y/n. you feel worse than ‘not great’. you’re not fooling anyone with that act.”

he reappears on the screen. now i can see what he has been doing in the time i couldn’t see him. he put on a hoodie over the tank top he had been wearing before, the hair he had put up in a little ponytail - if you could even call it that - in the front has been untied and brushed. or maybe he just ran his fingers through his hair a couple of times, that’d be more like it.

“anyways baby, imma call mom real quick. be right back,” he hangs up before i get the chance to respond.

i put the phone down next to me on the bed i’ve been in since i realized this morning how much it hurt to stand up and how i felt like i was gonna throw up every time i moved too hastily.

i took a deep breath - well, as deep as a breath can get when your nose is clogged - and closed my eyes to try and concentrate on something other than the throbbing pain in my head.

i feel so much worse than how i described it to chris and i feel bad for kind of lying to him, i do. but he has been dealing with so much of his own lately - new designs for his brand, fixing the shipping issues with some of the orders from his last drop, coming up with video ideas and prefilming those before him, nick and matt go on tour again, preparing everything for said tour - see, he really doesn’t need me to add to his things-to-worry-about-list, especially if he can’t do anything to fix it and it’ll go away on its own anyway.

i feel my phone’s vibration from somewhere in between the sheets and grab it. it's messages from nick.

hey y/n heard your not feeling so good (:/ smiley) i was really excited to see you again today but don’t you dare feel guilty for it

i know how you guilt trip yourself into thinking everything is your fault

its kind of a good thing bc now i have time to get the matching pjs we wanted

hope you feel better soon tho

matts sick too maybe you got it from him when you helped him decorate his room yesterday

I hey y/n heard your not feeling so good 😕 i was really excited to see you again today but don’t you dare feel guilty for it

word spreads faaast 😂 i’m so sad i gotta wait another week or so to see you again i only like sleepovers cuz of u but dont tell chris 🤫

I i know how you guilt trip yourself into thinking everything is your fault

seriously i hate that yk me so well 😐

I its kind of a good thing bc now i have time to get the matching pjs we wanted

at first i was like 🤨 but then i kept reading i LOVE YOUU SO MUCH OMG just so yk chris was the second option

I hope you feel better soon tho

me too now i’m excited for the pajamaaas 😫

I matts sick too maybe you got it from him when you helped him decorate his room yesterday 🤔

i’m gonna kill him like fr this time

hey where tf is chris??

talking to mom shes teaching him sth honestly don’t ask idk

ok 😂 i think im gonna take a nap talk later?

yess get some rest and lmk if you need anything ❤️

ly❤️❤️

after sending the last message i get a call from matt. i contemplate not picking up for a second but decide against it.

“what?”

“uff, what’s that attitude?”

“i’m sick because of you, shithead.”

“we don’t know that. what if you’re the one who passed it on to me, hm? besides, i was just calling to tell you to drink some water and to ask if you need anything. i was actually being nice but you clearly don’t deserve it,” his voice is just as bad as mine, if not worse which makes me feel a little bad, but matt wouldn’t be one of my best friends if i had to worry about him getting mad every time i’m not nice. that’s actually how we bonded after annoying each other every chance we got. we both have a bit of an attitude problem which caused a lot of irritation and aggravation. now we get along better than any pair of best friends. the teasing stayed in place, but now we both know there’s only endless love behind it. sometimes you just gotta let off a bit of steam and we both just get that.

“fine, i’m sorry. sickness really does turn you soft, huh?” i smirk.

“why’re you saying it like you just confirmed a theory?”

“mary lou told me once and i’ve been waiting ever since to see for myself, guess she was right.”

“you are actually the worst. i’m hanging up now. drink water, bye.”

he hangs up the phone and i laugh to myself. what a big baby.

i open chris’ chat and type in a message telling him i’m going to sleep and that i will call him once i wake up again. i don’t bother waiting for a reply and just put the phone on my nightstand. i turn on my side, close my eyes and after that i don’t notice anything anymore.

i jolt up from bed, breathing heavy, body sweaty and heart racing. my room is dark, lit up only by the moon shining through my window. i look around trying to remember where i am and shake the nightmare from my mind.

i reach for my phone and check the time.

11:43 pm

i turn on the flashlight and right when i notice a black jacket hung over the back of my desk chair i hear footsteps coming closer.

chris pushes the door open and steps in.

“oh shit, did i wake you?”

“no i had a nightmare. what are doing here?”

i sit upright in bed and turn the flashlight off when chris flips the switch to turn on the fairy lights around the edges of my ceiling.

he moves to sit on the bed next to me before he answers, “i had mom teach me how to make her get-well-quick-soup and brought you some. she also told me about the perfect remedy tea, i can make it for you,” he stands up again immediately, “i’ll heat up the soup for you first. shit ma, have you even eaten anything today?” he stands by the door, holding the handle but looking back over his shoulder at me.

“chris,” i honestly don’t know what to say to him. he is so sweet i have to fight the tears that build up on my waterline. i just look at him for a moment, a little smile ghosting on my lips.

i’m well aware of how caring, considerate and compassionate chris is as a person in general, but it still baffles me sometimes how much he goes out of his way to make others feel good. i guess i’m just not used to it, being loved like this, having someone do everything that lies in their hands - and beyond that - just for me. it’s astonishing to say the least. especially when i myself have had issues with showing how deeply i cherish somebody ever since i can remember. it’s probably rooted somewhere in my past and how my affection has been received and responded to, that’s what my therapist says anyway.

i shake myself out of my thoughts and move the blanket away from my body to finally get up. immediately chris is beside me, holding me in place, “what’re you doing, ma? stay here i’ll bring it up,” he talks quietly, trying to get me to take in my previous lying position but i stay put on the ground.

“babe, i have been in this bed almost all day. i need to get up. i’ll just come down with you, we can eat together in the kitchen,” i try to convince him.

he looks at me, an uncertain expression on his face for a few seconds, the gears in his head almost visibly turning while he thinks about it. at last he lets out a sigh and nods, “alright then, hop on my back,” he bends over in a piggy back position in front of me and i can’t help the laugh that escapes me.

“you do know i can walk, right?” i ask still chuckling.

“i know, come ooon, just do it,” he urges me on and wiggles his hips, making me laugh even harder when i climb on his back.

“you’re gonna be so sick tomorrow, chris,” i complain mournfully once he lets me down to sit on the kitchen counter while he gets to heating up the soup he brought.

chris insists he’s not prone to catch a cold or any sickness easily, no matter how contagious or how close to the source he might be, even though he has proven himself wrong multiple times on more occasions than he cares to admit.

“no i won’t. besides, i could use a few days off even if i have to be sick to get that,” he lets out a huff of air trying to make it sound humorous, but both of us - and everyone who knows chris for that matter - knows that he is exhausted and is in desperate need of a break.

i know he doesn’t want me to get serious about that topic right now though so i try to change routes, “oh my god,” he turns around from where he was stirring the soup on the stove and faces me, confused about my shocked exclamation. i point an accusatory finger at him, my jaw hanging low but a smile still creeping it’s way on my face.

“so that’s why you’re here. you came to try and get infected, that’s why you carried me down too even though you know damn well i coulda walked by myself. and i’m here thinking you were actually being the best boyfriend on earth. turns out my man is a piece of shit,” by the end i fail to stay serious and let out a giggle. well, it’s not like he actually believed that i meant what i was saying but still.

he lets go of everything he was holding, turns around to me fully and begins to stalk toward me slowly.

“oh yeah?” i don’t know if it’s just me or if he’s doing it on purpose but all of a sudden his voice sounds deeper, his face more stern and serious.

“is that what you think then? i’m just a piece of shit?” he makes me nervous at first but the second i see the smirk on his lips i know exactly what’s about to follow.

“chris. no.”

he is standing right in front of me, so close he has positioned himself in between my legs, his hands on the counter on either side of me, trapping me. the finger i was pointing at him long since taken back.

“am i a piece of shit when i make you cum with just my tongue?” his face is so close now.

“stop,” i say quieter than i mean to, almost whisper-like.

“or when i fuck you so good you can’t walk right for days, am i a piece of shit then?”

this asshole is doing it on purpose. he knows i would never have sex with him when i’m sick so he’s trying to rile me up the little fucker. have i mentioned that i actually hate him. like for real hate him. the type of hate that leads to an absolutely mindblowing fuck. shit.

“or yesterday when you told matt you needed a break and came downstairs to my room to suck me off and then you just wiped your mouth and went back up like nothing happened. did you do it because i’m a piece of shit?”

my jaw is on the floor.

“or when–”

“OKAY,” i practically scream, “you’re the best and i didn’t mean what i said, just please stop.”

i’m almost whining at this point.

i try to rub my legs together to ease some of the friction unnoticeably but chris is like a hawk, sees everything, notices everything. and then he smiles. just smiles and goes back to the soup.

later that night, after i was forced to eat almost all of the soup and drink two cups of magic tea while chris downed a cheese burger, fries and three of the last four pepsi cans i had in my fridge, we snuggled up on the couch with a heavy blanket that chris had also asked his mom for, thrown over both of our laps and a random movie playing on the tv.

neither one of us actually felt like watching something but we threw it on as background noise anyway. chris and i have barely seen each other in almost two weeks so all we want right now is to enjoy each other's company. he has been so busy with all that’s coming up for him and his brothers, still is. and i've been studying like crazy because i always feel like i won’t pass if i don’t and when i wasn’t busy with that i’d be at work to earn my living and feel like i’m doing enough. so there wasn't really time for us to actually be together and get to enjoy it. i've missed it.

“you know you’re probably sick because you exhaust yourself all the time,” chris says when he turns to look at me.

“shh,” i shush him with my eyes closed and a smile on my lips, “i got it from matt, no discussion.”

he lets out a little laugh at that, “yes discussion. if you keep going like that, one day it’s gonna have more serious effects on your health than a cold. you don’t even need to do all that. how many times do i have to tell you your life is worth enough even if you don’t work yourself half to death and have a little fun every once in a while,” he rubs my thigh while talking. chris knows better than anyone that i don’t like being put on the spot and lectured about my not-so-healthy habits like that, especially when i know exactly that it’s in fact very unhealthy. but he also insists on having these talks with me because he knows i would shut out everyone else who’d dare to try immediately. he and his brothers are the only three people i have let come so close and they make use of that quite often, might i say. but it’s okay because these people are my best friends and i know i need to be put in check sometimes, i admit. nobody else would dare try but them so i just let them.

i must say, it has helped me improve my life to an extent. they taught me that it’s okay to cut ties with people who are bad for my mental health and encourage bad habits, and that i don’t owe shit to them even if they want to make me believe that. they kept telling me “quality friends are worth so much more than a big amount of bad ones” until it finally clicked in my brain and i blocked half of my contact list.

“look who’s talkin’. mister i work twice as hard as the person i try to lecture,” i jab my finger in his side and he jerks.

“you know that’s different,” he holds my hands in his to stop me from doing it again.

i like feeling his hands on mine. i know he’s my boyfriend and it might be weird to say it like that. but i haven’t seen him in so long, which means i also haven’t felt him in so long. it’s crazy but it almost feels like in the beginning when we were scared to touch each other and would act like we accidentally brushed our hand on the other but we both knew it was fully on purpose.

chris pulls me out of my thoughts again when he speaks, “at least i have an end in sight and work’s gonna be way more relaxed once i’m done with everything. with you there’s always–”

the ringing of his phone cuts him off and he takes a look at the caller id, his mom. he narrows his eyes at me and gives me a look that says “we’re not done yet” but picks up the phone and holds it up so she can see the both of us on the screen.

“i was going to ask chris about you but since you’re with him please pinch him for me,” is the first thing mary lou says when she looks at us. and i gladly do as she says even though i don't know what he did to deserve it.

“oww, what was that for?” chris asks whining and i just shrug and chuckle.

“you told me you would bring y/n the soup and go back home. you lied to me.”

i turn to him with my mouth hanging open, “christopher owen, how dare you?”

it’s so fun to aggravate chris.

he furrows his brows at me and then looks back at the screen, “she literally begged me,” he straight up lies. “i was trying to tell her i didn’t wanna get sick so i could only drop off the soup and blanket and would have to leave again but then she started crying–”

i hit him for real this time, hard enough to make him suck air through his teeth.

“mary lou, don’t believe a word he says.”

“i know, darling, you wouldn’t do that. chris, that’s twice you’ve lied today.”

“sorry, mom,” he actually looks defeated now, “you know i can’t just leave her all alone when she’s like this. i lied because i didn’t wanna worry you. i won’t get sick though,” at that me and her give each other a knowing look but let him continue, “y/n’s weak and in pain, of course i’ll be by her side as much as i can, you probably knew i was here, that’s why you called me,” chris wiggles his finger at his mom with a cheeky smile while she’s trying to hide her own.

“alright, alright,” she gives in, “that’s how young love is, i guess. anyway, have you eaten the soup yet?”

“almost all of it,” i report proudly, rubbing my stomach.

“only forced,” chris side-eyes me and i roll my eyes at him.

“and the tea?” mary lou just keeps going. well, i definitely know where her son gets the caring from.

i grab the mug that’s been sitting on the table for two hours and could now be considered iced tea and hold it up for her to see, “this is my third,” i take a sip.

“very good. okay, well, i just wanted to check if chris is taking good care of you. it’s important for you to get enough rest, don’t go to sleep too late, alright darling? i have to go now but if you need something just give me a call. i’ll talk to you both in the morning. good night, i love you,” she blows two kisses as we tell her we love her and then she ends the call.

right when chris puts his phone down we hear the doorbell ring.

we both glance at the direction of the front door as if we could see through it and figure out who’s standing on the other side. then we turn and look at each other.

“expecting someone?” chris asks me and i just shake my head no and shrug unknowingly.

“open up!” the voice sounds muffled but it’s unmistakably matt.

chris rolls his eyes and sighs loudly and i just giggle.

he moves the blanket and gets up to go open the door but stops in his tracks suddenly, turns around again, bends down and kisses me.

“won’t be able to do that for a while if he’s here,” he explains before he goes.

matt and nick do complain every time we kiss in front of them, so we agreed on trying not to do it anymore. they act like little kids being forced to see their parents being all lovey-dovey with each other. at least one of them always yells “GET A ROOM!” as if they’re not invading our personal space. big babies, like i said.

“what’s up, bitches?” nick walks in wearing the pajamas we wanted to match, holding up his hands. one holding what i assume is my set of the exact same one and a pillow in his other hand.

i jump up from the couch immediately and squeal as i run toward him to hug him.

“what are you doing here?” i ask once we let go of each other, our smiles still as big as ever.

“since chris is here breathing in germs and this one,” he points his thumb over his shoulder where matt is giving chris a pajama pair, “is already sick i thought we might as well have our movie night here since i’m getting it from one of you either way.”

“i’m so happy,” i squeak, elongating the words.

“aren’t you happy to see me too?” matt acts sad and offended when he moves to stand next to nick.

i roll my eyes but give him a big hug, “i am actually.”

chris scoffs and we all laugh. he moves to stand closer to me and i wrap my arms around him, tilting my head to look at him.

“you guys can go in the kitchen, grab some snacks while me and chris put on our pajamas,” i say to nick and matt, my eyes still locked on my boyfriend.

they do as they’re told once the’ve put down their things and soon enough they’re out of sight.

“you good?” chris asks me quietly, stroking my hair gently

“yeah. i just realized our alone time is over,” i respond in a hushed tone.

he gives me a kiss on the forehead before he talks, “it’s okay, we’ll just go up to your room when they’re asleep. nothing’s keeping me away from you tonight.”

hearing it makes comfort spread in my chest in a way i didn’t know i needed right now.

“i love you so much, chris. thank you for everything,” i try to sound genuine, because i truly am.

he holds my chin between his thumb and forefinger and dips his head until his lips meet mine.

“i love you too, ma.”

taglist:

@strniolosworld @that-general-simp @sturniolosreads @whoreforchr1s

#sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo imagine #sturniolo x reader #christopher sturniolo #chris sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo fanfic

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witchy-aunt · 6 months

Text

Johnny cade head cannons

first fanfic! I'll preface this by saying I wrote this a long time ago art like 2am so if its not great at there's a lot lot errors IM SORRY!! Also 'figured this would good to post with this years new round of middle schoolers who just read the outsiders, genius or low hanging fruit? can't tell.

f/m, no warnings, pure fluff maybe some angsty bits?, Johnny cade x reader

Johnny Cade

“Stay gold, Ponyboy.”

Johnny’s very obviously a nervous wreck so when you got together it was no surprise he was super worried about losing you

whenever it’s cold out he comes to your house instead of staying out in the lot as much as he used too

Late night talks out in the lot

You, Johnny, and pony are like the ultimate trio honestly

I feel like most fanfics I read say pony’s normally a third wheel after you get together but I disagree in my mind you were already all friends or at least friendly and so when you got together it didn’t change things all that much as far as your friendship with Ponyboy

I feel like he’d have a lot to contribute to the gangs conversations but because he’s too scared to speak up he’d tell you about all his thoughts throughout the day when you’re alone you’re just easier for him to talk too

Dallas is suspicious of you at first but wouldn’t outwardly show it for Johnny’s sake and besides he’d act basically the same way he’d behave with you if you weren’t dating, when he inevitably realizes your good for him I think he develops a soft spot for you like he has for Johnny and Pony

People really don’t account for how “sassy” (for lack of better words💀) Johnny and Pony are and honestly it’s funny as hell, like his sarcastic remarks are rare in front of the gang but hilarious when they happen

I think because he’s so tough starved he really appreciates any physical contact from you even if it’s just a simple hand hold or resting your head on his shoulder

He loves cuddling, he’s def the little spoon most of the time, but when you first cuddle he’ll try to be the big spoon because it’s just what he expects to be the normal he figures that he should act like how Dallas and the guys he sees in movies are the way he should behave with a girl because he’s never really had anyone else to base a relationship off of

You’re the first person he comes too after being in a fight with his parents, if he’s hurt real bad you’ll always clean him up and spend the night comforting him by cuddling him and talking to get his mind off of it, though I think it might be harder for him to be touched after a fight because he’s just so nervous and shaken, but he warms up too it after a few minutes and it definitely does help him afterward.

He’s always real nervous about messing something up and you being made at him so he needs a lot of reassurance

He’s honestly real good at comforting people himself, like when your sad he knows exactly how to comfort you and make you feel okay or at least safe.

He’s always anxious about pda but I think he does like to at least hold hands in public at I don’t think he’s all that against hugging you or laying his head on your should in front of the gang even if it means he’ll have to deal with two-bits dumb comments, dal’s taunting smirk egging him on or everyone else’s stares even if it does make him pretty nervous he’ll always accept your touch.

Johnny cares a lot for people and never wants to see those he loves hurting which is a pretty obvious fact but because of this anything that happens to you stresses him out so bad

He doesn’t like fights and it’s rare for you guys to get into one, he’s not the best at communicating but eventually will tell you if somethings bugging him before he’d ever let himself get angry about it, I don’t see you guys getting into screaming fights either, it’s possible but it has to be something really bad

If you got together before he was jumped by those socs I’d think the change of him becoming even more quiet and nervous would be the hardest to watch

He doesn’t have a lot of money pretty obviously but he does like to sneak into the drive-in and save up to take you out whenever he can because he just can’t get enough of spending time with you

Thank you for reading! My requests are open so feel free to send any you have in for Johnny!

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milogreer · 28 days

Text

so uhh this is gonna be scatterbrained. but i'm gonna ramble about milo and (what little info we have on) colm. sorry in advance if it doesn’t make sense i just had to exorcise this demon 🫡

i believe "camping with your alpha boyfriend (2021)" is the earliest mention of colm in an audio. obviously we don't actually know milo's side of things because it's told from david's POV, but we still get the mental image of little thirteen year old milo sitting shotgun in his dad's pickup as they drive to their camping spot. gabe's goofing around in the truck bed to make david and asher laugh, and colm joins in the fun by swerving the truck to mess with gabe. very basic dad thing to do, my dad's done the exact same thing to me and my siblings. it feels familiar and silly, and david frames it as a good memory, so it feels like a good memory. which is important to the point of this post

in "celebrating the new house (2022)," we get a little more colm lore:

My dad was forever blowing any cash he made on fucking bets and gambling and shit, chasing some fucking high. My mom was the only reason we didn’t end up out on the fucking street. He didn’t pull his head out of his ass and get some help until after I’d already moved out. So I never got to have that feeling of being in a house that was actually ours, ya know?

already this is a stark contrast to what we've previously heard of colm (i don't think there's any real mention of him between sept 2021 and dec 2022?) and it kinda makes me look at that old memory in a different light, especially with regards to david saying marie was "nagging [colm's] ear off about being irresponsible and a bad example." like. ykwim? like i'm just thinking about that interaction and wondering how far along those problems were at the time, if they were present at all. was this a normal, fun family outing? or would milo have rather been in the truck bed with david, asher, and gabe?

(and the fact that it wasn't until after milo moved out that colm tried getting any help?? i could make a whole other post speculating about milo struggling with wanting to move out of that environment ASAP vs not wanting to leave marie on her own to deal with colm)

so then i'm re-listening to "your werewolf boyfriend is worried about you" and having a visceral reaction to (re-)learning that colm was also an alcoholic:

But what he chose to do with that frustration and that feeling of powerlessness was not his job’s fault, those were his choices. He’s the one who decided to lose himself in booze and gambling and never being home. Never being there for the people he said he loved but apparently couldn’t stand to be around.

the last sentence especially is just an absolute heartbreaker because milo's, what, thirty now? and he's been dealing with this since he was a kid. clearly he's not on great terms with colm. the only times he ever talks about him is when he's shit talking the department. that is a crazy weight for someone to carry their whole life. i don't have experience with the gambling side but i do have an alcoholic family member who i used to be really close to as a kid but grew up to intensely resent as a result of his actions, so it hits a little close to home to see that reflected in milo

but i digress. umm. i bring up the camping story to highlight the most recent mention of colm from milo and how there were good times and sometimes maybe it hurts to remember them when the person involved devastated you as you grew up because they weren't what you thought they were. and how these things follow you through life and impact how you approach certain things. milo has to live with the fact that the same system that royally fucked colm is potentially going to do the same thing to the love of his life; i never drink more than one shot or half a beer, if i drink at all, and i don't like being around drunk people. even though we don't hear about colm very often, his influence is still there whenever milo has to deal with the department in any way

anyway i guess TLDR; imagine living the majority of your thirty years of life feeling like your dad couldn't stand to be around you because he was too busy drinking himself stupid and gambling away every penny he had as a way to deal with the strain that his job put on him. imagine having to witness your mom struggle constantly to keep you cared for. imagine the few good childhood memories you have with your dad being overshadowed by thinking he didn't love you or your mom enough to change. imagine watching the department run your soulmate into the dirt physically and mentally the same way it did your father and wanting to be supportive of them but also being so worried for them. it's a really interesting situation for him to be in and i enjoy it but it hurts me. the end

#one thing about me is that i will gravitate towards characters with alcoholic family members whether i know it or not #redacted audio #redacted asmr #milo greer #sweetheart.txt #milo #colm

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weirdthinkingdragon · 1 year

Text

Shouldn’t Have Traveled

Yandere Diluc, x chubby reader x yandere Zhongli

Words: 5,700+

warnings: poisoning mentions, slightly descriptive murder, unwanted touch, reader made fun of by others, physically clingy Diluc (you can pry that from my cold, dead, hands)

Took a pic of where the ending scene is for clarity.

Sorry if anyone (besides Donna, Diluc, and Zhongli are ooc. Idk their personalities too well yet.

I’ve decided to leave Mondstat. Not for any reason anyone would think. It’s rather awkward and I’ll never admit the real reason to anyone. I can’t really stand being around Diluc anymore. Donna and other’s words are starting to get to me.

What words? The scathing words of “He’d never like someone like you”. They say that’s due to my different appearance. The words never really hurt, but it’s getting irritating, and I’m unsure how much more I can hear them talk about it before I snap and deck one or more of them. That’s also why I can’t be around Diluc. Just seeing or interacting with him also brings up their words again.

A few final things are being packed tightly into my large bag. My plan is to just stay at the hotel for a week or two and come back. Then again that plan might change, who knows? If somehow a job comes up and they’re welcoming, I’ll maybe live there instead.

Thankfully I kept Mora saved up for a while and quit my job at Good Hunter. Being a cook there was exhausting too. One of Donna’s friends also being there obviously made things worse as she framed me for a lot of things, making the others not too happy with me. Think one of the only ones who do still like me is Barbara when they tried to frame me for making her food extra spicy.

Another glance in my bag. Hmm… I’m a little low on things to drink on my travel to Liyue. Some grape juice would be nice, so I head towards Angel’s Share.

The group of Diluc-obsessed parasites try to block me.

“Yeesh, you guys still have a whole fence shoved up your asses? I should have known you have a poor tree up there now too. Sad it had to die for your personalities. All I’m doing is buying grape juice for travel.” I reply and give an eyeroll with it, entering Angel’s Share.

Their insulted faces a sight to behold being the last thing seen.

A certain redhead was working, catching me by surprise. Really wasn’t expecting for him to be working instead tonight. Fuck. Ah, screw it. A last chat won’t harm anything.

“Diluc?”

His head whips towards the door instantly. His eyes zoning onto the bag I’m carrying. They almost seem to narrow.

“I wasn’t expecting you to be working tonight.” I inform, sitting down in the free seat in front of him. My bag being placed onto the floor.

Diluc places the glass he had in his hands onto the island and looks me in my eyes. “I decided to give Charles a break for the night.”

“That’s one thing I admire about you-” His eyes widen slightly, meanwhile I mentally smack myself for letting that slip. “I- well- It’s how you treat your workers. Unlike many I’ve seen, you’re not as harsh with them, and more thoughtful.”

I cross my arms and mumble “If only Good Hunter stayed the same, I would probably have stayed.”

He rather firmly slams the glass back on the island I didn’t notice he picked back up. “You’re leaving? Alone?” I could almost swear his voice slightly raised like he was worried. Maybe he is? Kaeya has told me he does care about others. As just said how he’s letting Charles have the night off. He just doesn’t show emotions very well most of the time.

“Yeah, I was planning on heading to Liyue early in the morning. I was hoping to get some grape juice for on the way there though. It would need to be in something portable. Bottles or even jars would be fine. Of course, I’d pay the fee for those too.”

Diluc’s frown deepens.

The door open and closed, but I think nothing of it.

“If you don’t have any, I could go find some and come back for you to fill them, if that would be alright. I don’t want to overwork you.”

He shakes his head. “No, that would be fine. Believe it or not, it’s not the first time someone has asked for transportable items to be filled. I’ll work on it. You won’t have to worry about carrying them since I’ll be coming with you tomorrow.”

Wha- no! The whole reason I’m leaving is involving him!

“That’s alright. I couldn’t ask you to do that. You’re quite a busy person as it already is.”

His eyes narrow at me. “I’m not taking “no” as an answer. I’m going with. You need a guide.”

His tone scared me a little, I won’t lie to myself.

He crosses his arms and closes his eyes for a second, taking a breath in before looking at me again. “You don’t even have a vision. You also don’t know where you’re going, and I am worried, whether you believe it or not. I also was planning on going to Liyue as well to visit someone close to me.”

I hate everything he said was nothing but logic. I would just ask him if I could ask a knight or something to come with, but knowing his strong dislike for them, it would be a bad idea.

It stays quiet between us for a minute.

“... Why don’t you go rest up for the night? It’s going to be a long day tomorrow.”

I wonder if I could get far enough before he could catch me if I left tonight.

“You’re giving away what you’re thinking. You better not. I will catch up. Don’t test it.”

Ugh, fine. I’m still worried since he’ll be tired tomorrow.

While leaving, the group comes up yet again with bottles in their hands. The door opening and closing must have been a friend I didn’t notice was there.

They hold out the empty bottles towards me.

… are they serious? What makes them think I’d trust them? They probably put poison or something in these. Doesn’t help they’re not see through. Yeah, no. I’m not using these. Their smirks are just making me more tired and not wanting to deal with their shit.

“Oh, you guys already know I’m leaving? Uh, thanks…” I take them, already knowing they’re going in the trash.

“Just a little goodbye gift~”

Wow, how thoughtful.

They leave giggling. Probably from malicious intentions.

“Would you like me to take those, (Y/N)?” suddenly asked a voice. I turn to see Charles.

“You haven’t left yet?” I asked him.

“I stayed to clean up a few final things in the back. It’s not my place, but I don’t trust what those women gave you.”

I glance at the 3 glasses in my hands again. “That makes two of us. Are you sure they won’t be dug into by the cats and dogs around? That’s my main concern if I throw them.”

“I can assure they will be taken care of properly.” He informs.

I mentally shrug. Eh, whatever. He’s reliable. I pass him the bottles and go to my house one final time.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I feel a hand on my shoulder as I prepare to exit to the bridge with Diluc. Diluc’s not here yet though. Oh archons, if I ever come back, I’m not going to ever hear the end of I took their “precious Diluc”. Turning around, it’s Venti. One of the closest friends I made here, and only ones left. His face is far more serious than I’ve ever seen it.

“... Stay safe out there,” He cautiously looks around. I do as well, and the nuisances are not around for once. Diluc however is seen with his own bag coming up. “Especially from him.” He quickly takes his hand off before Diluc could see.

Diluc glares at Venti while walking up to me. “We better get going.” A hand of his is on my lower back, gently pushing me forward.

----------------------------------------------------------

Numerous quiet hours pass, and my feet are starting to kill me. I’m starting to think Kaeya lied to me it was an easy day trip.

Looking at Diluc, he doesn’t even seem to be the slightest bit uncomfortable. The only noticeable thing is the bags growing under his eyes.

I’ve been trying to think of things to make it less awkward, but nothing comes to mind. He hates small talk.

“So… should I find a way to message you or something if I want to come back to Mondstadt?”

Diluc stops for a moment. “... I’ll inform who I’m going to meet.”

Okay. well, that was a good talk, I guess.

About an hour later, I’m at my limit. Curse everything and whoever created pain. My feet are going to be sore for weeks at this point. How the hell do people wander like this?

Diluc still stays vigilant and glares around at every direction like something will pop out. I’m more worried about him collapsing from exhaustion than anything.

… why do I feel like I still would before he would at this rate?

“When should we set up a small camp for rest for a while? I only brought my small one for more easy transportation, but I think we could both squeeze in.” though I’d much rather not.

It’s already near sunset. Holy fuck I’ve been walking ALL day.

Diluc gives a stare off into the distance in though,, then nods. “I’ll get some firewood.”

I nod and dig out the tent. Fortunately, slamming the sticks in deep enough was pretty easy and I remember how to set it up from camping with a few friends years ago.

Diluc comes not long after with an impressive amount of wood, and drops it onto the ground not far from the tent. He piles a few together and scrapes dirt into a pile around it. He then lights his claymore and holds it onto the wood until it starts to burn.

I begrudgingly have to admit having someone with a pyro vision likely makes traveling a lot easier.

We both crawl under and it’s so phenomenally awkward. Him closer to the back and I in the front. It’s really crowded just between us. We’re both just staring awkwardly at each other in the eyes.

… something drops onto the tent. Then another, then several- it’s raining. How did we not notice that sooner? There was no point in making a fire.

Nope, it’s now already pouring. “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.” I mumble, but the close proximity likely made him hear it.

“I never need an umbrella, so I’d be fine. Hopefully the temperature won’t drop too much.”

The temperature does rapidly starts to drop though. Now I’m wishing I brought a second blanket with. My arms get tucked together, trying to keep a bit more warmth.

Arms grab my sides, making me let out a surprised noise. “Wha- Diluc! I’m not sure if-”

“Don’t care,” His arms quickly wrap around my back, squeezing me close. “I’d rather you not get sick while we’re on our way.” His great smelling cologn from proximity hitting my senses hard.

The heat that rushes to my face is even warmer than the warmth radiating out of his clothes.

“Uh…” What the fuck am I supposed to say? “Ooh this is nice!”??

It’s definitely not! Ugh, why did he have to be the one for this? I should have lied about when I was leaving…

He tightens his grip when I uncomfortably try to squirm free. “Quit. Moving.”

I stop and mentally sigh. It better not rain again tomorrow night.

He never loosens his grip.

------------------------------------------

The tightness around me while slowly coming back makes me try to squirm free again, while the memories of last night catch up.

Diluc’s arms tighten more than last night. Looking at his eyes, he appears to still be asleep.

The way I’m so torn between enjoying this, and being disgusted is wild. Donna’s words trying to come back. Thankfully the little I know about Diluc is he will never talk about this out loud, even with a blade pointed at him.

For a second, I wonder if I should wake him or let him sleep. But he should probably get ready to get back to Mondstadt ASAP.

Well, since it’s not raining anymore, and I’m still uncomfortable at this, I’m waking him up.

Fortunately, my arms are free. I reach up and shake his shoulder. “Diluc, it’s time for us to continue.” my feet throb in protest at the idea.

He lets out a sigh, almost like he was disappointed. He lets me go and I roll off onto the ground, then getting up. Checking my bag, it thankfully stayed dry.

I pack my bag back together, and we head off again, much to my feet’s displeasure. But from Diluc informed me earlier, we should be about halfway there. Luckily we’ve only encountered some hillachurls, and he gets rid of them so easily it makes me almost feel bad for them.

The sights have been beautiful though. Almost to the point I could ignore the still-growing pain in my feet.

“Here.”

I turn to notice a clear bottle of grape juice handed to me and take it, finally realizing I haven’t drank anything in a while either. I drink it quickly.

“It’s better to stay up with fluids and food for long travels. I’ve… learned my lesson before.”

Well, that’s a can of worms I’m not opening. In speaking of bottles though… “Sorry to change off that, but did Charles give you three that weren’t clear?”

Diluc frown gets worse. “He did, and told me how Donna and the others gave you them,” His voice dipped like he was disgusted even thinking about it. “Had them drink from the poisoned bottles they gave you. Unfortunately, it won’t kill them, but it better make them think twice about their actions. Next time I won’t be so lenient.”

So they were poison- wait, what??? He’s fucking insane! I mean, sure, they were pretty bad and wanted to poison me, but poisoning them back isn’t right either! I force myself to stay calm. I can’t outrun him anyway, and I don’t know where I’m going either if requiring to leave the path. This does open my eyes more on him though.

A secret part of me is touched he did such a thing for me though.

“That’s a bit far, isn’t it? Couldn’t you get in trouble for that?”

“I have my connections if they decide to try anything.”

I shrug. Eh, whatever I guess. I am still staying a bit away from him, which he seems to notice. He comes over and grabs my bag, pulling me right beside him.

“I also don’t think me being this close is necessary.”

“You’d be surprised how quickly an ambush could happen. Especially if we encounter a ruin guard or abyss mage.”

Fat chance a ruin guard would be on the main path. Even I know that.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Yet another day already flies by. I plop my backside onto the ground, take my shoes off, and rub my worsening sore feet. “Ugh, I’m not usually one for complaining, but holy Celestia my feet hurt. Smack Kaeya for me next time you see him for lying it was a rather short trip.”

Diluc jabs the stake quite deeply into the ground and is setting up the tent this time. “I’m surprised you got this far without complaining. If it’s really bad though, do you want me to carry you tomorrow?”

Gods no. I could never deal with that embarrassment if anyone traveling were to see it. “No. You’d have a lot more to carry than just your bag already. Me and my bag is too much to ask.”

He gives me a look I can’t understand. Kind of annoying it’s always been rather hard to understand whatever he’s feeling since he hardly shows it.

“It wouldn’t be.”

“I’d rather not test it. Besides, we should be there by tomorrow noon, right?”

He nods.

Looking at the darkening sky, it’s likely not going to rain this time. I glance at the tent, not wanting to stand up and walk to it.

Diluc seems to notice and comes over, crouching down. An arm wraps under my knees, making me instantly realize his intention. “Wait- stop! I can do it!-”

He puts his other arm behind my back, and easily stands up fully. “Don’t struggle.”

I feel like I’ve heard stuff like that more the past few days than all my life before combined.

He places me down on the blanket and sits next to me. Too close next to me. Honestly? I’m too tired to really care at this point.

An arm wraps around my torso, keeping me closer. What is his obsession with touch!? He never is with anyone anymore, not even his own brother!

A very gentle squeeze to my stomach makes me whip my head to look down at his hand.

??? When did he take his glove off!?

“... I’ve heard what many have been saying. If moving is really what you want, I can’t stop you. However, if you ever wish to visit again, both the Winery and Angel’s Share are always open for you to stay. As for me, I’m angry what they’ve been saying.”

I can’t look at him. I should have known someone like him would so easily catch on.

I begrudgingly have to admit his shoulder is a lot more comfortable than the ground. At least not laying on his chest this time.

“Who do you have to see, anyways?”

“Someone you could say I’m very close with. I have something urgent to discuss with them.

I let out a light chuckle. “Wonder who in the Teyvat got the attention to be cared about by the great Diluc. I’ll surely have to meet them.”

“You will sooner or later when in Liyue.”

Not going to tell me? Alright, he can keep his secrets. Not like he has a lack of them.

----------------------------------------------------------------

I could kiss the dock we’re walking on to enter Liyue. The guards stand down pretty quickly upon seeing Diluc, so they likely know him.

We get to a hotel and both order rooms. Diluc disappears not too long after, and I stay in my room to rest. I wonder if I should ask someone a tour of Liyue since I know very little about the place.

But first, some rest.

Several hours later, I’m wandering around again, more refreshed. There seem to be a lot of great restaurants to try.

“Hey partner! I reckon you’re new here? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you around before.”

I turn around to see someone with two ponytails walking up to me. She feels rather friendly, but still got my guard up a bit just in case.

“Is it really that obvious?” I ask.

“Yeah, But you don’t have to worry. We get a lot of people from all over visit here. So, what were ya lookin’ for? I might be able to help.”

“I was trying to think of where to eat something, honestly. But uh… I’m not really sure what’s right to start with.”

“That’s easy! You can try something at Wanmin Restaurant! I’m sure my friend there would love to figure out something ya might enjoy! C’mon!” She gestures for me to follow her.

It doesn’t take long to get there, and there’s a girl cooking very enthusiastically.

“Heya Xiangling! Got a new friend here for you to figure out what they’d like.”

She whips her head up. “Xinyan! Ooh, a new person, huh? Where you from!?”

“From Mondstadt.”

How hyperactive can someone get? She somehow gets even more excited at the news.

“Mondstadt!? Ooh! Just let me finish these orders, and I’ll try something you’d like!”

Sooner than later she finishes, and makes something else I’m confused of, especially from never seeing such ingredients being used in food before.

… Eyes are on me from behind. I decide to ignore it. It’s probably just someone curious or rude and not worth my time.

Xiangling passes me something finished I’ve never seen before. I’m a little reluctant to try it, but eventually do after a moment’s pause. It’s delicious.

I say so and nearly scarf it down.

They smile back at me.

“I guess you got another to try your new foods!” Xinyan pipes up.

Oh hell yeah, I’m willing to try others she makes.

I jump out of my skin as a hand rests on my shoulder that isn’t Xinyan’s or Xiangling’s.

“Oh Hey, Zhongli! Been a bit. Ya able to show the newbie here around Liyue? You’re a lot better at that than anyone.”

“I would gladly show a tour around Liyue. I suppose it’s not unknown for me to be the one to do so anymore. Thankfully I’m free to do so now.”

Hot damn that voice. Dude, don’t stop talking. I turn to look at the man who was-

… I don’t like how he’s looking at me. It’s not aggression, disgust, etc. It’s more like wonder? Fascination? Something more like that which worries me worse than something negative or neutral.

He offers his hand to me. Is it to give a handshake or to help me stand up? I reach out to grab his hand. I guess I’ll find-

He grabs it gently, and brings it to his face, kissing the back of it.

Aw fuck, it was the weird 3rd option. Well, he’s a gentleman at least.

“Are you ready for the tour, my dear?”

My- my dear??? A little quick on the draw, Doesn’t he think?

I stand off the chair. “Yeah! Even though I just got here, I can tell I like it here already.”

He smiles like he’s very proud of that.

---------------------------------------------------

Great. I have a bad headache now with everything he’s tried to show and inform to me. This feels like something that should have been spread a few sessions. It was great to know, and I enjoyed it all, but this is too much. I can’t decide if Zhongli talking is helping or worsening the pain.

I rub my forehead. Well, at least it takes away the pain in my feet. “Zhongli?” I cut him off on yet another story of information overload.

He stops and looks at me. “I’m sorry to cut you short. I really like everything, and am totally down to know more, but it’s too much in one setting for me. Would you… maybe be free to continue tomorrow?”

His eyes widen slightly. “Ah, I do apologize. I suppose giving more than just the best tour spots was too much. It appears to have given you a headache. Would you like to come to my place for a bit? I have some tea that would help.”

How about No? Have you ever heard of “stranger, danger”? Seriously, I could be a thief or you could be a murderer for all we know.

“I’m good. Thanks for the offer, though. Just really want to go to bed.”

“Fair enough. Shall we meet at Wanmin Restaurant again tomorrow?”

I nod and turn to head to my room.

“See you then, (Y/N).”

A chill comes over me. Could have sworn my name was never mentioned with him. Or maybe I did? Ugh, head says no thinking.

A group of girls come up to me. “You know, someone like you shouldn’t be interacting with someone like Zhongli.”

Ugh, seriously? He was just showing me around. He really seems to love this place and know the insides and outs. And they should shut up. Their voices are grating my nerves.

A shorter, younger looking woman with them rolls her eyes and almost seems to be playful about it. She comes up to me. “Hey! I’m Hu Tao! It’s nice to see a new face around here!”

I blink a moment, trying to register how she’s super friendly to me already. Trying to sense if she’s just doing it to stab me later, I can’t feel anything off about her. Her being genuine makes it more jarring. Still keeping guarded though, I smile back at her. “Name’s (Y/N). Visiting from Mondstadt.”

Hu Tao gives a massive mischievous smirk, like she knows something bit I don’t. “Mondstadt, huh?...”

“What’s that look for?” I ask.

“Nothing~”

----------------------------------------

It’s finally around noon when I exit my room. Something from the side jumps out.

“Ha-what- Hu Tao! What was that for!”

She giggles. “Nothing serious! It was just funny!

Yeah, so funny to scare someone just exiting their room.

“So what are you here for?” Might as well change whatever that was about.

“To see how you like Liyue so far!”

I was… not even here for a day? “Well, good so far. Though Zhongli feels a little odd.”

Hu Tao gives me the same massive smirk. “I Don’t know… I think Zhongli sure likes ya!”

I try not to laugh at the impossibility, but the bark of a disbelieving laugh still comes out. “Yeah right. Not even in my dreams could that happen. I mean, look at him, and look at me.” I joke, while in the proximity of some girls making fun of me earlier. They’re around too, so may as well give them what they want, though it probably won’t help.

She shrugs. “So? You’d be surprised!”

Thanks for the hope, but no.

She runs off without another word.

“I hope you’re well rested?” Inquired the too-familiar voice of Zhongli.

Oh for fuck sake I just woke up for all this.

“Yeah. Weren’t we going to meet later, though?”

“A friend of mine informed me You’d be around here. With your headache from last night, I guessed it was going to take you a long rest before leaving. Would you like to eat somewhere before we continue where we left off?”

My stomach growls in agreement. Ugh, stupid thing. “Sure. lead the way.”

We reached a different restaurant.

One of the girls from before “Hey, look out everyone, they’ve come to eat all your food!”

Yeah? And what if I do? I’ma nibble all your food for making fun of me. May you always have a mysterious bitemark in everything for eternity.

A hand is placed on my shoulder. “I would like it if you’d refrain from such vulgar outbursts about someone innocent who’s come to visit Liyue.” Zhongli pipes up.

The woman’s face was either red with embarrassment or anger at me. Maybe both.

He lead me to a different one instead, and we ordered.

I notice he keeps looking at me while we eat. What? He got a staring problem? I’m getting mixed signals of what he’s like.

Someone came for the mora for our meals.

Zhongli couldn’t seem to find his, making me nearly facepalm. Whatever, he’s a good man so far, as paying is just a favor for his touring I guess.

“Ah, there. I apologize it took a bit to find.”

The waiter didn’t seem to mind and left.

“Well that sure took a bit to find. Having a hard time remembering where you put your mora doesn’t make sense to me.” I tease.

He nods at me. You’d be right. Thankfully someone very close to me has been watching out for my forgetfulness.”

Good thing someone is for him.

He showed me the rest around the harbor, and even some grounds out of it. One place being the strange really tall statues by the thing in the sky, named the Jade Chamber I guess.

It was starting to get dark out.

Zhongli looks over to his right, then stands in front of me. “Apologies, but I will have to cut this short. I need to… take care of something important.”

His voice dipped into something that almost seemed to show anger. Yikes.

--------------------------------------------

I was still restless after hanging out with Xiangling for a bit again, and left right out the town. It should be safe enough being so close.

The giant statues are visible all the way from here.

A pungent smell hits me as I walk the path. My eyes catch sight of a fight not far up ahead, making me hide behind the rock wall to make sure they wouldn’t see me. I peek up to see

!? Diluc and Zhongli… KILLING people!? The moonlight clearly showing their faces. Neither have psychotic smiles, making it all the more unnerving. Multiple dead Treasure hoarders dead, while one of the women that made fun of me already lying on the ground presumably dead too, and being burned. The pungent smell likely their burning flesh. I can’t believe they’re killers!”

Zhongli pierces through the chest of the final woman still standing is the one who made fun of me earlier. She opens her mouth to scream, but Diluc covers her mouth.

“Surprised you’re helping. Doesn’t your contract prevent you from harming your Liyue people?”

“That would normally be the case,” Zhongli then easily pulls his spear from the now corpse of said woman. Her body flops to the ground.

I’m frozen in my spot. I want nothing more than to move, but my body won’t let me.

“But that’s a good thing many don’t fully read contracts anymore. They broke my contract I made with them. They originally weren’t Liyue people. I could already tell from how they were not too kind to Liyue by making snide comments that they were nothing but trouble. The contract involved no demeaning remarks anymore, or they shall be removed from Liyue one way or another. It’s not hard to tell where they must have skipped. And they tried to damage Liyue’s newest, finest jewel.”

What the fuck does that mean!? I have to get out of here! Come on body! move!

Diluc sets fire to the corpse. “Suffer the wrath of the rock. Much better than that nuisance of a bard’s.”

“I agree. I do also admit, I wish you could be here more often than around him. You’ll have plenty of time though. As for making you and our dear like me, that’s still a work in progress. Are you still sure you want to go through with it? Immortality can cause mourning of losing many.”

“I’m not close to many anyways. You’ve not been to Mondstadt, but outside of my work, I’m not well liked by many. They’re not exactly quiet when speaking their opinions. Besides, (Y/N) is in the picture now.”

Me!? Their behaviors make so much sense now. Oh fuck, fuck, fuck! I REALLY have to leave!

My body can finally move, and I take a slow step back. Hiding might be the best option since there’s no way I’ll be able to outrun them.

*Snap*

Their heads whip towards the sound.

OH MY GODS WHY WAS A STICK THERE!?

I can only hope they think it’s not a human. I hold my breath.

“In speaking of our dear, come on out. It’s safe now. I saw you try to hide earlier.”

I don’t move.

The sound of long strides comes towards me.

I don’t get time to try to bolt before being grabbed by my wrist tightly, but not enough to hurt. My eyes get locked with Zhongli’s, who seem to almost glow a bright golden yellow.

Diluc comes behind and rather loosely wraps his arms around me, his heat radiating off onto me with his close proximity. It slightly tightens before loosening again. A warning. A threat, showing he won’t hesitate to tighten his grip if I try to struggle free and run. their colognes combining almost making me dizzy. They’re not bad, but both at once is powerful.

Zhongli reaches his hand and folds it under my chin, making me look up at him. “You must be quite lost, dear. I said we wouldn’t hurt you. And that was a promise.”

He brings his face to mine and kisses my lips. I was so shocked I didn’t think of biting him until he pulled away. “Now, let’s get back, shall we? I’ll inform of what went on here, then I’ll join the both of you in cuddling. I’m patient, yet I cannot wait.”

I should have just stayed in Mondstadt.

--------------------------------------------------------------

An: I’m sorry I made Diluc so physically obsessed or it seemed too repetitive to a point. I like to think due to his past, he’s touch-starved to the MAX. He just only shows it to a rare few how much he craves it. Yandere Diluc being even worse. That and I’m rather self-projecting of wanting my favorites being so obsessed with touch with reader lol.

Not my proudest work, but screw it. Debated whether or not to post it lol. Was trying to write a more self confident chubby reader since apparently a lot of people are annoyed when they’re not. Even though I’m not self confident at all. Oh well.

Also, writing full fics still feels like pulling teeth

#yandere diluc x reader #yandere diluc #yandere x reader #yandere genshin #yandere zhongli x reader #yandere zhongluc x reader #yandere zhongli #yandere zhongluc #diluc x reader #zhongli x reader #yandere x chubby reader #yandere x you #yandere poly x reader

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normoully · 10 months

Note

no plz tell me all your thoughts about the gregory hate so I can reblog it💀

OHHH boy this is gonna be a long one buckle up

Ever since Gregory was first announced I believe most of the fandom have interpreted him as this frail child who was always on the verge of tears and needed G.Freddy’s protection (think C.C 2.0), but once the game came out most ppl were shocked to see this kid actually has a lot of bite to him and kicked ass (ppl’s first reactions to him destroying the animatronics still make me laugh).

This was MY first introduction to him, so I wasn’t completely taken aback but still pleasantly surprised. Most if not all his actions made sense or at least made sense for a 10yr boy to think/act. Giant robots coming after me with the intention to kill (and insulting me for no damn reason)? Yeah I’d probably add an extra kick in there for good measure. Then came the first repair scene, when Vanessa revealed the high possibility of Gregory being an homeless orphan everything just clicked into place for me.

OF COURSE that’s why Gregory was so aggressive, he had to learn how to fight on his own to survive he’d probably had to face even worse than this! He wasn’t going to let that all go to waste bc some weird murderous rabbit lady wanted to drag him into her plans. It explains why he brushed off G.Freddy’s worries about him bc he’s used to have to just keep moving and bare thru pain, especially in an environment where that’s really the ONLY thing you can do. It’s why he’s so blunt and can come off as rude bc he was most likely never taught how to behave “correctly” bc really who has the time?

He was just using all the knowledge he learned on how to survive from a cruel and harsh environment for another. But this time he has an ally for once, an adult (father) figure who actually cares about his wellbeing, it’s no wonder why he became so attached (but struggles to show it bc he’s not used to it). And through all that easily irritable aggression, there are moments to remind us he’s still a kid.

A useless fridge magnet? Yeah that is pretty lame man.

Now imagine my shock when I see others hating on him and calling him a villain. “How could he KILL the poor animatronics? He was so mean, he’s the true monster!” Wh- DID WE WATCH THE SAME GAME? You mean the same animatronics that says he doesn’t have anyone to care about him? Yeah real sweethearts they are. Gregory isn’t a damn monster, he’s a survivor! He’s doing what he only knows best, IT’S TO SURVIVE!

“How could he be so mean to G.Freddy??? Those are his friends! He made Freddy feel bad!” Trust me when I say that Gregory cares about G.Freddy ALOT, did you see his reactions whenever G.Freddy got hurt??? That’s his father thank you very much!

“How could he have killed Vanny in that one ending?! He’s the real villain!” …Do I even need to explain this one?

And ohhhhhh don’t get me started on the awful “bratty gremlin devil” Gregory HCs. Now this isn’t to say that Gregory can’t be a gremlin or whatever. He can be, he is a bit cheeky, but then some started to intensify it and made it his entire personality. No, Gregory wasn’t just itching to rip Roxy’s eyes out or do the next batshit insane thing, he noticed the other upgrades and put two and two together (It gets more weird and slightly disrespectful when they add in the homeless thing as if that automatically makes someone act “feral”….tiktok.)

And then we have the complete opposite where some portray him as what I mentioned in the first paragraph. The poor helpless child who cant handle anything by himself…even though that’s complete bullshit (he’s also usually portrayed to be obnoxiously sweet for some reason). I don’t think many ppl realize how often were not in G.Freddy during SB, and Gregory is described to be quick on his feet and wits (plus his tools) and he doing damn well by himself! [Obviously this isnt to say that he didnt need G.Freddy’s help and protection, ofc he did, he just didnt need to RELY on it like some ppl make it seem he did].

(I know we went a bit off-topic for the last two paragraphs, trust me it connects)

All of this comes down to simply that some just can’t accept the fact that Gregory isn’t their perfect victim. He doesn’t crumble to the floor and beg for G.Freddy to help him up like they want him too. He’s not shy and sheepishly asking for help like they think he’s supposed to. And when they realize that part they try to push him into the other far end where he’s crazy, cold, and cruel. But he’s not. He cares, and he cares deeply. He’s still a little boy, he cried and tried to cover his face when he saw Vanny die. He should be leaping in victory, he killed his killer after all right? But he didn’t, bc despite everything she was still a human being, and he was so scared.

He has complex trauma (duh), he’s not this way or that way, and I get it. It’s hard to write or draw that kind of trauma for Gregory, especially when SB didn’t really give us much. But the way ppl act as if that’s what he actually is is soooooo frustrating. In my opinion the fact that his trauma is so complex and the fact he’s not your typical written victim is what makes him so interesting! And I feel like a lot ppl were slowly getting around to it…

Until GGY and Ruin happened and the hate came back so much worse, Welcome to the real Freddy Hell.

#THIS DOESNT EVEN COVER GGY AND RUIN #but i feel like covering what happened when SB came out gives the gist #bc lets be real #the hate that came from those two other parts #all tie back to SB #and go over the same points i made #if you really want me to make a post like this for GGY and Ruin.. i can certainly try #AND BEFORE ANYONE SAYS THAT THE HATE WAS ONLY BAD BC I MENTIONED TIKTOK #it wasnt just them it was also TUMBLR and TWITTER #so we have variety here #I made a posts similar to this before #i’ll take screenshots and add them to the post if find them again #anyways yea #you could say im a gregory fan…#fnaf sb #fnaf ruin #fnaf gregory

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batmans-cheerleader · 1 year

Text

discountenance

includes: jason & damian

wc: 2k | rated t | m.list | cross-posted on ao3

warnings: emotional baggage, child abuse, drug usage, addiction, neglect, mommy issues, disrespect of boundaries, angst, hurt/comfort

a/n: hey so this is a) not talia bashing and i will not accept talia bashers in the comments b) reflective of my experiences with my mother and not the end all be all for how the parent-child relationships are in batman nor how they should be dealt with in real life

please reblog!

“Hey, Squirt.”

“Todd, don’t call me such demeaning names. Did Grayson send you in here?”

Jason snorts, sitting on the edge of Damian’s bed. “Obviously. He was worried about you.”

“I am perfectly fine,” Damian sniffs.

“Tell that to the judge,” Jason cracks, raising his eyebrows. “You want to tell me what’s going on?”

After a long moment, Damian shifts, looking down. “My mother and I had a fight.”

Jason looks over at Dick, whose eyes reflect the confusion he feels. Damian had just stomped past them, slamming to door to his room shut in an uncharacteristically loud manner. What had happened? Neither Bruce nor Tim were at the manor, which eliminated the most likely causes.

Dick sighs, standing. “I should go see if he’s alright.”

“You sure he doesn’t need some time to cool off?” Jason questions, and Dick shrugs.

“Only one way to know. I’d rather ask him than just assume he does when he really wants to talk to someone.”

“There you go again, being all mature and shit,” Jason snorts. “Hopefully he doesn’t bite your head off.”

Dick dissapears down the hall, and Jason returns his attention to his book. Well, tries to, anyway. Despite his flippant attitude, he really is a little concerned about the kid. It’d been a while since he’d had an outburst like that (oh, the joys of teenage puberty) and though Jason likes Damian’s firecracker personality more than he lets on, it’s rare for him to be set off so suddenly, without a trigger.

A known trigger, that is. Maybe he and Superboy had fought? Look, Jason's really wracking his brain here.

Straining his ears, Jason tries to detect yelling or the sound of Dick’s return, but doesn’t hear either. A good sign, he supposes. Means Dickiebird’s got it all in hand.

A few more minutes go by, and right when Jason’s getting back into his novel, he heard Damian’s door open.

“Everything alright in there?” he asks Dick, whose lips are pressed together thinly. “Wait, don’t answer that. I can already tell it’s not. What’s going on?”

Dick scrubs a hand across his face. “I guess he and Talia fought. He’s really upset, and I can’t really help him. He needs advice right now, not just a listening ear.”

“And why can’t you help him?” Jason asks, putting his book down. “I thought Richard Grayson was an expert in fighting with one’s parents.”

“Asshole.” Dick rolls his eyes. “Regardless of the issues Bruce and I have had, I don’t exactly have a lot of experience in the ‘mother’ department. Damian needs someone who does.”

It doesn’t take long for Jason to put the pieces together. “Oh, hell no! You want me to talk to him about mommy issues? No fucking way!”

“I can’t force you to do anything, and if you don’t want to think about that trauma, that’s totally valid. But I think out of all of us in the mansion right now, you’ve got the best chance at being able to empathize. And you’ve also spent time with Talia, which might be helpful.”

“How upset is he?” Jason asks eventually, and Dick grimaces.

“It’s pretty bad.”

“Fuck. Fine. Don’t say I’m not a good older brother, alright?”

“Jay, nobody says that. You’re a great older brother.” Dick just looks so earnest.

“It was a joke. Anyway, does he need time? Or can I go in there now?”

“You can head in now. But Jason, seriously, if you think talking about this will hurt you or bring up bad memories you don’t have to do it.”

“Please, you worry too much. But I appreciate it,” he adds after a beat. “Now let me go do my thing.”

Knocking on Damian’s door, he waits until he hears a muffled ‘you may enter’ from the depths of the room. Shutting the door behind him gently, he takes in Damian, who’s sitting at his desk, a scowl on his face.

“Hey, Squirt.”

“Todd, don’t call me such demeaning names. Did Grayson send you in here?”

Jason snorts, sitting on the edge of Damian’s bed. “Obviously. He was worried about you.”

“I am perfectly fine,” Damian sniffs.

“Tell that to the judge,” Jason cracks, raising his eyebrows. “You want to tell me what’s going on?”

After a long moment, Damian shifts, looking down. “My mother and I had a fight.”

“You and Talia? About what, if you feel like sharing.” And look, Jason may not be the best at the whole big brother thing, but as Robin, he’d gotten lots of experience talking to other kids or those he helped, so he at least kind of knows what to do. Shoutout to Bruce, for drilling the victim checklist into his head.

Damian shifts uncomfortably. “Well… she is being unreasonable. And not listening to me.”

That sounds like Talia. Jason has his own opinions of her, separate from Damian, but even in her best of days, she can be stubborn and disrespectful of boundaries.

“I just wanted to have a nice, insincere conversation with her,” Damian continues, “but she began speaking ill of Father. And speaking of Grandfather. I’ve asked her before to please not do such things, and I asked her again today, but instead of listening, she merely dismissed me and continued on.”

“That must have been tough,” Jason says, “but hey, kudos on telling her that. Your mom can be kind of a hard person to say that stuff to.”

Damian inclines his head slightly. “Sometimes I don’t like talking to her that much.” He hesitates. “Sometimes I don’t think I like her very much. Does that make me a bad son?”

The rare and open vulnerability on Damian’s face makes Jason’s chest hurt.

“No, Damian. Not at all. Those are perfectly valid feelings to have.”

“They are? But I feel like I’m betraying her. I mean, she’s my mother! Shouldn’t I love and respect her regardless of what she says or does?”

“No healthy relationship works like that,” Jason begins, choosing his words carefully. “Believe it or not, I struggle with the same thing.”

“With Father?”

Jason chuckles. “With my own mom.”

This gives Damian pause. “Your mother?”

Jason nods. “I don’t speak of her often, so you probably don’t know very much about her, now do you?”

“Didn’t she turn you over to the Joker?”

Jason makes a face. “Not her. That woman will never be my mother. No, Catherine, the woman who raised me from birth.”

Damian is silent, and Jason takes that as a sign to go on.

“Before I was taken in by Bruce, before I was out on the street fending for myself, I lived with my mom. My dad wasn’t really around, since he was in jail a lot, and so it was just her and I for a lot of my childhood. But just because we were together, doesn’t mean she was there, you know? Catherine had a real bad drug addiction and most of my memories involve her being high or drunk, or both, to be honest.” Jason sighs. “Someone struggling with that level of addiction can’t take care of themselves, let along a young child. So I was neglected pretty badly, and also forced to take care of her in various ways. I went hungry, without power or water, and even without decent clothes during my growthspurts.”

“I knew you grew up in Crime Alley, however…”

Jason smiles ruefully. “Yeah, it’s pretty bad, isn’t it? You’d think that would be grounds for hating her or resenting her, and believe me, I do, but I can also remember times before she was addicted to drugs, or the few times she’d tried to get clean, and those memories are some of the best times of my life. We’d do things together, I’d have someone who’d take care of me, for once I didn’t have to worry about everything. But those moments didn’t last long, because she could never quite kick it. I still struggle with my feeling about her, because like you said, she’s my mom! How can I hate her? But how can I look past the things she did to me, to her, to our family during the times she was high or mentally unwell? It’s really difficult and something I still struggle with today.”

“So there’s no fix?” Damian’s tone is raw. “I’m always going to struggle with this?”

“I didn’t say that. There’s no easy fix, at least not in my experience, but it’s something you don’t have to have figured out right this moment. It’s something you can change your mind about when you want and how you want. Talia is a good woman, and I know you love her, but that doesn’t mean you have to listen to her speak about Bruce, or Ra’s, or whatever. You’re allowed to get mad at her, to hang up on you, to tell her your own opinion and ask that she respects it. And if she doesn’t, you’re allowed to tell her that you don’t want to talk to her until she does, or that she’s pissing you off.”

Damian’s fists clench where they rest on his desk. “I hate this,” he says. “It’s not fair. It’s not fair that I have to deal with this. It’s not fair that I had to have the childhood I had, or that I have to be the one to set these boundaries. She’s the adult!”

“You’re right,” Jason says. God, he can remember thinking the exact same thing. “It’s not fair. It’s fucking stupid, and kid, I am so, so sorry that you have to go through this. You can deal with it as much as you want or as little as you want right now, and if you want to talk about it, I’m always here, and so is Dick. Or we could even get you set up wth someone on the outside that’s probably a hellova lot better at these types of talks than I am.”

“What, like a psychologist?”

“A therapist, yes. I’ve never told anyone this, not even Bruce, but I’ve spoken to one on and off over the years and she’s been really helpful as I work through all of my issues. Do you know Black Canary?”

“That’s who you speak to?”

“It is,” Jason confirms. “And you also don’t have to make a decision right now about any of this either. You can sit with it and think about what you want to do. I’m not trying to pressure you into picking a path right this very second.”

Damian nods. He doesn’t seem completely opposed to speaking with Dinah, which is a pro in Jason’s books. Lord knows their family needs more people willing to ask for help when they need it (though Jaosn can’t really be talking).

“I’m still upset with my mother,” Damian says eventually. “I do not understand why she cannot simply respect my words.”

“And that’s fine. You can be upset with her. For as long and as much as you want. And sometimes, people have a hard time listening to others, especially when they think they’re right. Your mother is very headstrong, and while that serves her well, it can also make it hard to work with her on an interpersonal level. And I’m not even experiencing the mother-son dynamic you have to navigate.”

Damian is silent for a long moment, so Jason leans forward.

“Do you want to talk about it more, or talk about anything else? I can also stop bothering you if that’s what you want too.”

Pushing himself away from his desk, Damian stands. “I do not wish to speak of it any longer. I want to think.” He turns hopeful eyes to Jason. “And I would also like a hot chocolate from the bakery on fifth and third.”

Jason chuckles, shaking his head. He’ll let Damian milk it for once. The kid deserves it. “You know what? Hot chocolate sounds perfect. We should probably take Dick though, make him pay.” And assuage his worries before he gets an ulcer , Jason thinks privately.

“If we must,” Damian sighs. “But if he must come, then I also get a pastry. And to use you as a shield to block his hugs.”

“Brat, we both know you don’t mind his physical displays of affection as much as you claim.”

“Do not call me ‘brat’!”

Jason grins, pulling Damin’s door open. “Squirt it is, then.”

leviathans-watching's work - please do not copy, repost, or claim as your own

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malusienki · 8 months

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so, in the opera, the ashtons’ mom is dead before it’s set. which like yes okay it’s a detail that was brought up one (1) time in the libretto offhandedly but. i like to look way into things. i like to over analyze and speculate. so that is what i’ll do.

long post. sorry. this is taken directly from The Notes App. also very much silliness and me looking way into things as aforementioned.

the ashton siblings were probably affected by the death of their mother, i mean, for lucia especially we “see” it as one of the reasons why she’s so frazzled and stuff during the wedding scene [edgardo says to arturo something to the tune of “she is mourning the loss of her dead mother” which like, honestly probably an excuse on his part BUT i don’t think it’s THAT far from the truth. i mean. other than like. being forced to marry some guy she does not want to…. i’ll touch on this later]

how did it affect enrico? i’d like to believe that he’s so terrible to lucia as a result of this. usually malice comes from a place of hurt? now that he’s essentially in charge of lucia from what it seems [no father in the picture? presumably dead or something] he’s taking out any feelings onto her to better himself— i.e. the whole reason he wants her to marry arturo is so HE gets more political(?) power.

this is the reason why i loved the montecarlo 2019 lucia i watched recently as of writing this— i noticed that (intentionally or not) enrico seemed to be worried about his sister when she went mad. their dynamic is something i like to play with in my head.

enrico is HUMAN— sure, he’s forcing lucia to marry arturo because political power and also edgardo being a ravenswood doesn’t help either, but it doesn’t mean that he hates his own sister forever, especially when the consequences of that are.. well. i’d imagine seeing her covered blood that is not her own would be a pretty jarring and terrifying experience lmfao.

while i LOOOOVE teatro real 2018, i feel like in that one he’s played as a more maliciously evil person— which is something i don’t mind because earlier in said production it’s heavily heavily implied that he molested her— and his reaction to the mad scene reflects that, acting very minimal and unusually calm. forever one of my favorite prods. but montecarlo 2019 and met 2022 are close seconds (<- may or may not be for 1) nadine sierra 2) the alisa dynamics have me CRYING. 3) such a good take on a modern lucia but i digress) (i find it fucking comical that in all three productions that i’ve listed so far artur rucinski is the enrico in all of them.)

so, the line mentioned above. in this libretto that i’m using, there’s a stage direction that says this

this is directly before the act II “appresati lucia” etc etc . the phrasing is . certainly something but i personally interpreted as theres already signs pointing to her being stressed and hints to her mad scene that everyone is just blind to i guess. if you recall, before this, edgardo and lucia depart in their separate ways becayse edgardo is going to war… but also before that came “regnava nel silenzio” where she tells alisa about the dream etc etc. i’d like to think that [sorry this is me adding details that don’t exist] she’s had nightmares ever since her mom died and obviously the departure of edgardo has rustled her enough to where she’s anxious about it but i digress then of course come the wedding scene where enrico says this:

and there’s a couple things i wanna mention about this. i do think that the dead mother isn’t just a ruse (see: staged prelude in 2018 teatro real which i actually don’t mind; lucia is tossing and turning in bed in that one with the nightmare she goes to alisa about) and that it did affect her which led to said nightmares and now they’re here. she believes edgardo does not love her anymore and has left her for someone else, and now she’s being forced to marry this guy. she is NOT fine. i truly think that alll these factors added up and made her crack (obvious i think) but not to literally everyone else around her!

anyways. sorry. this is a really long winded post and honestly i kinda got a little carried away.

#lucia di lammermoor #opera tag #actually #now that i’m blurting all of this out into a tungle post #it’s never stated exactly WHEN the mother died. so this could have been going on for a bit #[technically we don’t have confirmation that she IS dead but that’s why we love artistic interpretarion]#<- i am silly.#sorry. long post.#ash gone absolutely silly

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semper-legens · 1 year

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61. Tiny Pretty Things, by Sona Charaipotra and Dhonielle Clayton

Owned: No, library Page count: 438 My summary: Gigi, Bette, and June are all reaching the end of their time at the American Ballet Company. Senior girls, this is the time when they will be expected to work the hardest, be the best, and earn the title of prima ballerina. But only one can be prima, and the rest are ready to fight dirty to gain the coveted role. Pranks turn dangerous. Hatred turns bitter. This beautiful sport is about to become deadly. My rating: 3/5 My commentary:

I used to know a lot more about ballet. When I was little, I was fascinated by it - the athleticism of the dancers, the beauty and skill on display. My favourite ballet was Giselle, the story of a young woman driven to death by love, who rises from the grave as a ghost among the ghosts of other unmarried women. As I grew older, though, my interest moved from ballet to musicals, and my knowledge of it faded. But I still retained a vague interest. Which is why I picked up this book, a story of teenage girls in the American Ballet Company and the trials they go through as part of their chosen vocation. While on the whole I wasn't that fussed about the book, I did largely enjoy it, though I'm not sure I'd pick it up again.

The narrative switches between three characters - Bette, Gigi, and June. Bette is an established dancer from a family of dancers, who is also the head Mean Girl of the school and sore at being overshadowed. Gigi is an up-and-comer with a bright personality who worries about being sidelined because she's black. June is a strange, antisocial girl who is concerned with perfectionism and always being the best. As Gigi starts getting soloist parts, the others are jealous and competing with her, as well as dealing with their own issues. Bette has a controlling mother and believes that she should be on top at all times, just like her older sister Adele. June has an eating disorder and is bullied by the other Korean girls at the school, leading to her isolation. And Gigi has a medical condition that makes dancing dangerous, as well as having to deal with attacks from the other dancers that grow increasingly more vicious. The similarity of the plot to Giselle is noticeable, with Gigi and Bette fighting over the same boy, especially given that Gigi's full name is Giselle - or maybe that's just my personal obsession showing.

Ballet is a merciless thing. To learn how to dance ballet, you ideally have to start at a very young age, and even then only have a relatively brief window where you are at your peak and can perform. Competition for roles is fierce, and standards around appearance are stringent. That basically all the girls in this novel have eating disorders is unsurprising - many top ballet schools prize slim people with barely any body fat, and will harshly criticise any dancer who is overweight. Obviously this is dangerous in any person, but particularly in teenage girls. The art is physically demanding and takes a toll on a person's body, with injuries being commonplace. I think this book portrayed all of that adequately. June's eating disorder, Bette's pill addiction, Gigi's increasing paranoia - all of these things are at least versions of real things ballet dancers experience. On top of that, there's the stress and competition. Solo parts are highly sought after, and attacks on soloists aren't unheard of, dramatised here when Gigi has glass placed in her ballet shoe among other things. Also not unheard of is inappropriate relationships between teachers and dancers. Adults in the ballet world grooming their young charges is abhorrent, but it does happen, and we see hints of it here with Mr K, the girls' teacher.

So then why am I so nonplussed by the book? Eh, it's probably because I didn't really think the story was that strong. The mystery of who's hurting Gigi was really obvious considering that we only have two principal candidates, and Bette's an obvious red herring. My biggest problem, though, was that two of the three protagonists just aren't that likeable. I understand and sympathise with their struggles, but I don't think they're humanised enough to keep my interest. The bitchy and cut-throat nature of the ballet world is emphasised again and again and again, to the point where I just sort of stopped caring about anything that happened to these girls. Gigi was the most human for me, by virtue of her doing mostly nothing wrong. And I know, the book's more trying to criticise the culture around ballet and the atmosphere fostered at top ballet schools, showing that this profession is what has chewed these girls up and spat them out, their plight isn't really their fault. Doesn't mean it kept my interest as a narrative, though. Furthermore, the meanness and backstabbing of the narrative starts really early on, we rarely get any moments of levity, and I think that would have made all the difference to humanise these girls a bit more. It's also noticeable that June's tormentor, Sei-Jin, is gay and June uses this against her - so is Will, who blackmails Bette. Unfortunate handling of your queer characters there. But for all that, I have to praise it for one thing - though it's heavily implied, the book never quite comes out and says that June was the one attacking Gigi, leaving the reader to work it out for themself. I like that! It's a nice move, and I really would have had an issue if the last section had been just June narrating MWA HA HA I WAS A BITCH ALL ALONG, so kudos!

Next, a girl's story of fleeing from war.

#Tiny Pretty Things #Sona Charaipotra #Dhonielle Clayton #bookblr #book blog #book blogging #3

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alovelyburn · 1 year

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Man, I’ve been sitting on that ramble for a while because posting it gives me some anxiety.

It’s... got a lot to do with my particular personality and how it clashes with I guess modern fandom movements because I don’t really spend a lot of time thinking or talking about morality in fiction or where I stand on things from a good vs bad or healthy vs problematic perspective, my approach to fiction is fairly divorced from my real world ethics or principles. Like I can think something is bad but that doesn’t mean I find discussing its badness to be interesting or worth my time. I’d rather talk about the other aspects of an event or action - where it came from, what’s its role in the narrative, what does it say about a character.

And it’s tough in this specific instance because like when it came to say Femto and the Eclipse, it’s easy enough to just be like yeah well he did it to hurt Guts. Because he obviously did, but also because we’re not up close with Femto’s mindset or point of view, so there’s not at much to say that isn’t pure speculation.

But with Guts you’re right... behind his eyes.

And I worry that... talking about the motivations of a character will be taken as approval of or excuses for the character’s actions... and then I get annoyed because I’m worrying about this because I just don’t think I should need to. By which I mean, I think people should be able to talk about horrible things that happen in a story without people expecting them to like editorialize about the morality of the thing, which is just for me the most boring possible thing to discuss.

Generally speaking I haven’t run into a ton of issues with this since coming back to tumblr, but I did run into it a LOT back in 2012/2014, and also everywhere else on the internet so stress over it is built into my nervous system or something, IDK.

Anyway just a rant, bai.

#this post is full of content

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bettycanavosio · 2 years

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well, you asked for another novel... i do wonder if the reason henry's so nervous around vito is the same reason henry ends up letting leo go–he just can't stand to hurt him, and keeping his distance is a way of keeping him safe. like...it's joe who stays with him at el greco's, not vito–for gameplay reasons obviously, but it still implies henry doesn't want vito to watch him get a bullet dug out of him. idk i feel like that's a lot of pressure, the fact that vito looks at him like he hung the moon in the sky, and henry has no idea how to handle that so he just tries not to get too close and ruin it. (i wonder if vito looks at him how betty did.)

also it's interesting to me that in the moments they do get closer, it's for very different reasons. vito calls henry as his friend 3 times, all in times of crises (when henry gets shot, when vito's pleading with him to spare leo, when henry's already dead), whereas when eddie and leo ask like "he a friend of yours?" vito gets cagey and won't use that word; it's like he can only claim henry when he's under pressure. same thing with how he runs to scoop henry up when he's hurt but otherwise won't touch him. henry, on the other hand, seems to do it as an act of affection–that pat on the shoulder when he says "you owe me big for this one, pal," seemed like he was trying to put every ounce of love he had into that one gesture, and honestly it seems like kind of a goodbye the way "thanks for everything" does, because he doesn't know how eddie's going to react. and then when he's goofing around in ch12 obviously, he's in a very good mood (and i think when joe bribes the cops, you can see henry in the background kind of nudge vito in the arm or maybe like shadowboxing with him? but he at least leans over to whisper something and gets very close).

i dunno. maybe i'm projecting but it really does come across like henry's just head over heels in love with vito and terrified to ruin things by admitting it. there's so much affection in the way he acts around him, but you're right, it seems like there's this unspoken boundary. i think vito's as scared as henry is.

i did!!!! imagine my joy when i saw my inbox <3 ah fuck. you’re right. henry’s main method of not hurting people is just staying away completely, which does more damage than he realises… i guess it’s better than every other time he’s gotten involved since he just. loses things/himself when he tries. i think i said this but honestly the gameplay part could’ve been bypassed. like i get it was easier but even just cutting it after henry’s been treated, showing vito stayed, maybe a scene of him waking up in a chair next to henry… it’d be interesting idk. but you’re right, henry is just so terrified of ruining things with him (and even though i’m HURT by that, yeah, i bet the last time he was seen like that was by betty, and he can’t afford to lose someone like that again. also. i wonder if they said the same things, had the same mannerisms…)

YEAH HOLY SHIT. “damn it, henry, i’m your friend here. i’d do the same thing for you and you know it.” can actually be so personal. i think it’s the only time (we see) where he says it to henry’s face, too, but i could be wrong. maybe vito uses emergencies as an excuse to touch him since it’s a convenient way of displaying love without being judged. also, what if it’s the last time he gets to? i think he’s scared of what henry would do or say if it was outside of that context (especially since he thinks so highly of him), but in times of crisis he doesn’t have to worry about that. oh god, the way the only time henry shows affection towards vito is during a goodbye… and when the real goodbye comes he doesn’t even get to say anything. he just watches him leave. so i guess henry shows his affection in crisis too :( but unlike vito he tries to be affectionate outside of it like you said, just with really small gestures, like he’s constantly checking where he stands with vito. he isn’t sure if he’ll reject him, but vito’s also stupid and probably realises henry’s acting different but is like no, not henry, why would he? while henry’s doing the exact same thing, going over every time vito has touched him, wondering if it means anything, or if vito’s just like it with everyone. joe facepalming because god they are so STUPID but it’s sweet.

if they had more time and one of them (or both) confessed it would just be so <3 <3 like imagine a lighthearted argument. “how was i supposed to know? you never said anything!” sigh. idiots in love. or. i just had a terrible thought: vito high off the euphoria of the job in ch12, and with a push from joe, he’s ready to tell henry how he feels in ch13 but then…..

#okay if henry survived and vito told him then… but UM #sorry this took me forever i’m bad at compiling my thoughts lol #v/h #a*#harry

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ctl-yuejie · 2 years

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while the whole series has bits where i wish they’d decided on different pacing i really enjoyed episode 11 as well.

i had hoped for a bit more focus on vegaspete but i believe they did well with the time allocated and i understand why they wouldn’t want to cut back on screentime for the main couple.

obviously, what’s happening to pete isn’t something i’d wish on my worst enemy, but in-universe i am very intruiged by the dynamic and actually enjoyed them a lot.

with the preview i was worried that vegas would actually do something to pete’s grandmother, which i believe would make his relationship with pete irreparable.

but as it stands i like how they made vegas’s actions sensible while not undermining who pete is.

in the beginning vegas just wants revenge - he is pretty much powerless and running on even less time (something he is aware of) - so he decides to take it all out on the guy who foiled his plans. to me, it makes sense that he’d go that far with pete. pete was the deciding factor in him losing and his father losing face (and he is still so desperate to be a good son to his father) and he generally is a brutal guy who likes to hurt people (very much not excusing anything else he does, but also: that’s the show. pete kills people, beats them to an inch of their life, kinn extorts money from people who cannot afford it etc. we are on a scale of crime here).

in the last episode pete surprised him by not submitting to his whims, so he is intruiged: he takes him with him to the save house and treats him like a pet. very interesting that he craves his fathers approval but even after his (partially) secret plans backfire, he goes against his fathers command and keeps pete alive. his affection for pete in the episode right until their “talk” is him treating pete like a pet (i don’t think vegas is a great pet owner). suddenly invested in keeping him alive not just as a plaything but as another being. still miles away from seeing pete as a human or even an equal to himself but decidedly different from just the head bodyguard of the main family who is to blame for everything. he occasionally lashes out because he is still angry, but the source of his anger also changes to being angry at having lost all control. he can’t even move freely anymore. so he controls the only person who has even less freedom. but he wants to see pete alive. that’s why i believe his concern at pete falling unconscious is actually real. (as well as vegas deciding all by himself that pete is his pet, so pete dying will be another failure on his side)

then they have their “talk” and vegas sees pete as someone akin to himself. i wish they’d visualised even more that it takes time for vegas to get to that point, but that’s the pacing thing i was talking about that could probably not have been helped.

i haven’t read the novel, but from what i’ve heard i am very pleased with this writing (not even going to get into the amazing lightening and cinematography with the red/green lights behind them at all times) since they leave out the things that would be impossible to include without the show leaving a bad aftertaste but they allowed themselves to explore these interesting dynamics that no one would wish to be subjected to in real life. to me they ride the fine line between portraying something in a work of fiction and not condemning it really well (just like the kinnporche scene in ep 4).

as for pete: i just love build’s everything. pete is extremely strong to be able to stay alive through all of this and i really like the sweet spot between him not being delusional about who vegas is and what he does and still holding sympathy for him (not to start a fight with anyone, but i think the writers are better than believing that stockholm syndrom is 1. a real thing 2. using it as an excuse for vegaspete to happen). he tries to get away, he is capable and the lightening speaks to that: he is sitting on the red side towards the end. he might still be captured by vegas but he has gained so much control over him as well. just the fact that he could order vegas to bring him new food without vegas lashing out is a shift in power.

there’s still a long way to go but i like the thought that went into vegaspete and them trying to stay somewhat true to a relationship that might normally be impossible to include in a life action series. still some episodes left to go, so they might let me down with what they will do next, but i did like this episode and the exploration of this tasty dynamic.

to the point that even this portrayal might have been unpalatable if pete were a woman: i don’t think so. any similar movie i can think of made it clear that this behaviour could be romantic and the female lead never was a very capable mafia member trained to withstand torture, so on those points alone kinnporche as a show really stands out. obviously bible is hot, but they’re not riding on physical attraction alone here. the writers are prodding these two twisted men who do bad things like an interesting science project and while they might get excited when their characters show interest in each other it is pretty clear that it is only fun in terms of a fictional experiment and nothing they’d want to have in real life.

biggest issue with the series so far: i was missing acknowledgement of Big’s death. I will eat my words if the past two episodes are just the build up to have them throw a big funeral and then everyone going shocked pikachu face when Pete doesn’t turn up.

#ctlyuejie writes #kinnporsche the series #long post #many thought on all the other characters but the vegaspete bits were very interesting so i had to yell somewhere #(eyes full of tears because i cannot see porchay being sad - little guy hurt my heart)#i mean the acting - again - all around was chef's kiss

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northernxstories · 2 years

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Just a few ideas...

A sort of warm up after not really doing roleplaying plots in agesssssss so please forgive me if they are rusty, overdone or lame.....

For the smutty smut-smut lovers, I would suggest the House of Relief. Where some are hired (or sold into it if you want a darker twist) to provide relief to others from the stresses of the world. Every free citizen gets a monthly pass for the House, after all it is good to remove those burdens. [Dark Twist - Citizens are told that the employees of the House are not real. Just fancy AI and therefore they can do anything that they want since they don’t have real feelings. It was a lie told to prevent people from getting attached or worry about social judgment for their desires/kinks. The staff of the House think they are human but they are not. Leading to a fun twist of are they or are they not?]

For the more historically inclined, an AU verse I’m calling the Handmaiden. My muse had a wife, a charming woman, for whom he had hired from a far away training house her own personal handmaiden - a symbol of prestige that he had hired to show his love and respect for his beautiful bride and provide her with a single person wholly loyal to her. Unfortunately by the time the Handmaiden arrived, his wife was gone, leaving a grieving man alone with the woman just as the icy winter sets in, forbidding all travel for the next few months.

For the world builders, I present The Gates. Basic overview is that scientists have discovered, deep in the Rocky mountains, an entity that allows passage to seven different worlds. The scientists have explored enough to know that each of these seven worlds is unique with its own system of government and social moors and expectations. The trick is that humans cannot decide where they end up, the entity does that. If you go through, dislike it and can somehow find a way back, you have burned through your one chance. The entity does not like its decisions disregarded. However, for the curious, the adventurous or the desperate, it is a chance at a new life.

Where will the entity believe you belong?

World options could include:

Women Rule - A strict Femdom world where one of my horrible men has to learn to submit in order to survive. Alternatively, your muse is the woman they have been waiting for - to worship and serve and every time your muse seeks to just do things for herself, they are wildly offended, putting your muse in a quandary. Hurt them by denying them what they need or encourage them to revolt against this system. (I’d also be willing to try a female muse for a change if your muse would be into that).

Baby Lottery - A world where few women have come through, especially of childbearing age. So the solution is obviously everyone in the community gets a shot so to speak and whoever is actually the father gets to keep your muse. It all seems super reasonable to these men. Your muse may have an alternate opinion.

No Tech Here - Your technology loving kind of muse is stuck in a world where they have gone back to a more rudimentary way of life. The planet itself doesn’t allow for the use of technology in the same way it existed on earth (except maybe like medical stuff etc so some people might actually want to stay). Cue lots of cute moments where one of my muses tries to show your muse how nice this life could be if they just gave it a chance.

Mirror World - A world so much like a cleaned up and lovely version of Earth, it is like your muse just stepped through a tidy mirror. Except members of your group start to disappear. Where are they going and what is this world hiding from the newcomers? Should your muse stay or go? We could plot out the nature of the secret or play it out until we come up with something truly fun or truly terrible.

Alone - The gates drop you and unlike every other world there is no greeting committee, no safe place, just no one at all. Just your muse alone or some npc companions but there seems to be no one here. When you finally find someone, the reaction is not what your muse expected. At first the greeting is warm, welcoming, but on the third day your muse wakes up to discover everything has shifted. (this one could be hella dark or actually quite charming depending on how we wanted to go and which muses we use)

It’s a Man’s World - A male oriented mirror of the Femdom world. I think we all know where this one is going. Might strike a little too close to home right now for some though. Yesh.

ABO World - A kinky fantasy turned terrifying reality, especially when your muse’s markings reveal them to be an Omega. Turns out your muse carries the gene to allow them to adapt to this world.

The Entities World - Alien porn for the win. This secret world is known to few and no one has ever returned from it, which is why no one on Earth knows of its existence.

#wanted plots #plot idea #open to suggestions and alternations #my plotting is always flexible #indie smut rp

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yolkcheeks · 6 months

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first off hell yeah physically in bed before 2 am

Got some real loud caveats of how much better I’d prefer to be but by god it’s been weeks since I’ve seen 1:30 from a reclined orientation

I did three things today. I still have more than 3 dozen things to somehow do in two weeks and this weekend is preemptively blown for homework

But I’m trying not to panic

It is very hard

My spouse believes in me- keeps reminding me (helpfully?) that I have done this before that it’s like this every time and I pull it off but I keep wanting to point out that I don’t always actually. Sometimes I fuck up immensely and there’s no batting my boyish lashes out of it.

The goal:

The reality:

It’s just not giving, as the youts say.

I never really thought I would live to be like, an adult adult and I didn’t enjoy my youth as much as I overall enjoy myself now- even with all the stress and the pain and the other stuff this particular set of months has so generously given me. Truly I could not bear further gifts. So I don’t have like a big attachment to youth or like, worry about looking older- I’ve been lowkey looking forward to greying since I was a teen. But it is weird for me to no longer be a “young” person. Like, you’re a child and then from teen through late twenties that’s this Young Person time, and there is nuance in there but now I’m on the other side of that. Age wise and, given my current life circumstances, development wise, I’m not an emerging adult or young adult anymore. Unvarnished adult. Not old enough to have a fine patina or rival Pappy, just old enough to not be young. It’s weird.

The pain too, reckoning with being “🤷disabled I guess” now. I’m thinking I should start keeping a more specific inventory of what hurts and how and when, because I need my doctors to take this seriously. I don’t want to be in my body- I’ve learned to muddle through with a lot of pain but I am more and more living at a limit where if I have external structure I can just about drag myself through the day, but I am expending so much energy just on not experiencing the pain undiluted that I cannot spare enough brain to rip start the motor.

And well, even if I could… it’s hard to go to bed when I know I could push through and do some late night creative noodling. I’ve done it many a time and it is often some of my best work. I get As on my last minute projects and learn nothing. I mean obviously I learned the subject but as in my eternal frustration with myself. I don’t want to be this way, I don’t want this to be who I turn back into when things are hard because I don’t like the stress, I hate how vulnerable I wind up being, I don’t feel safe, and it is not good for me.

Not just mentally and psycho emotionally but physically- I can’t afford those levels of exhaustion like I once could. I already have a perma debuff and it sucks and I hope to fuck that my last pain free day isn’t behind me but I overall cannot rely on my body anymore to begin from a normal baseline on an average day.

Okay we’ve got something real bad like inside the shoulder joint, possibly a nerve thing? But it also feels loosey goosey, keeps crackling like it’s gonna fall into place when I roll it but it is endless. The pain is inside the body in two ways there, which are connected. All of them are connected of course. But this on is in the shoulder joint, a thread entering from the lower rear and fit between the knobby round ends of my bones. There’s also, among the scapula and all that, a bright yellow broad rhombus of pain. It’s knitting the muscles but again that strong feeling that something is wrong inside my body. Knex and Lego forced together or something. The other shoulder and not sides of the neck are tight ina more traditional manner. Noisy neck as well. One elbow sharp shooting pain- also right side. Base of skull larding into headache. Right shoulder thought interrupting my bad but base of skull almost the same level when I address it directly with even a gentle head tilt stretch. Pinky pain from holding phone hahaha. This gassy thing, belching air when the pain is bad, and the accompanying chest tightness if I try to hold it in. Feels like something in my sternum, maybe diaphragm is responding to the pain by releasing air. Knees of course achey from how I sit and cold feet cis it’s winter. The middle part, that whole mess concerns me.

Idk I can even list it all my headache is of course getting worse.

I dunno which chaos fivinity would have me but if you could ever so kindly remove these particular weights from my ankles I’d be much obliged.

#braindump #yolkcheeks talks #mad grad and dangerous to know #chronic pain #frank discussion of stressful stuff

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anarcho-sexual · 8 months

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Alright this is a personal rant. I’ve decided to post it here and to post it at all because I don’t want to bother my few friends & I need these thoughts to exit my vessel & I don’t think paper or notes app will cut it this time. Please ignore if you wish. If you read, know that it’s got negative energy. It’s just for me but obviously the internet is public so idc if anyone ever says anything on this or not

I want to see a therapist who specializes in genderstuff but I’m not out to my parents (one I live with still cause I’m a loser). My mom would never have to know cause I’m an adult but I’m on my dad’s insurance & he graciously provides me with a roof & food for free. All he asks is I actively work on myself instead of giving up on my life & my mental health. It’s a fact that he would love & support & accept me as his daughter. But I’m just not confident my mom would. The concern about my mom is more regarding transitioning than seeing a therapist but it’s all the same game. She’s a conservative & mildly queerphobic. Idk if she would ever even use my real pronouns or name if I told her. I’m thinking about one day moving far enough away that my family can’t surprise visit me AND it’s so far it isn’t desirable to want to come see me that often. Then I’ll just put on a man costume when I do see them. Like Halloween. It feels like that’s what I have to do. I feel guilty about feeling like I can’t come out too. I feel like I can’t come out because I’m terrified. I have an anxiety disorder that my dad literally caused for me & trust issues directly related to him. He’s not a cunt anymore but our relationship was kinda ruined. Well I guess you can’t ruin it if it was never good huh? But like that’s it! I have crippling anxiety, trust issues, & the potential (not even a certainty!) that my mom may not accept me or respect me/my identity. I’ve already “lost” my mom to American Conservatism would it really devastate me if I had to go NC cause she didn’t accept or respect me? Nah I’d just be sad about it for awhile & every now & again. That’s all I have in the way of me being myself openly & getting the help I need. Ain’t no one gonna kick me out, disown me, hurt me in any way, nothing. I’m so incredibly fortunate to be a trans girl who doesn’t have to worry for a second about violence or even yelling if I came out. So fucking fortunate. But I still just can’t fucking do it. I don’t even want to! I just want the stuff I need :/ well actually I just want to be anti-alive but I can’t do that because I literally have to ensure that my siblings are raised properly because our mom has backwards conservative beliefs and I refuse to allow that misogynistic bullshit to be put onto my sister & their dad is just a damn POS. His behavior is very consistent with everything I’ve read about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, to give a hint.

Ultimately I know I don’t need therapy because there have been thousands of trans people who raw dogged that shit cause therapy didn’t exist yet. But it sure helps. Also I imagine I’d have a difficult time getting HRT without any history of therapy that’s focused on my gender identity issues. I’m so tired dawg. I’m just so tired.

If you read this, & have reached the end here, I thank you for giving my feelings your time. In return, I offer this egg 🥚

#me

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sassafras--manson · 11 months

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i hate having to think of something to talk about at therapy -_-

anyway i have therapy tmr

i also hate going once a week. i feel like it doesn’t give me enough time to do and think things to think of something to talk about.

as if i’m not always talking about things that happened in my teens anyway

lol

but i guess i’m essentially trying to figure out how to get past those teenage things bc they’re affecting me now. i knew how to exist as a high schooler with those things cuz it was actively happening at the same time, and kind of as a college student bc it was one degree of separation…

i am flailing and failing as adult bc there’s no demands to adhere to, no glimpse of meaningless “good job” to strive for as the prize for suffering. but the… hurt? for lack of a better word- the belief that i’m worthless even if i were to excel (like i used to - i certainly am not now) is still… implanted.

it’s part of me at this point. there’s no prevention. it’s in there, as part of me. i have to try to remove The Thing now. which would be hard even if i knew what it was. all i know is that even though i know i’m a good loving person with the best intentions always… i constantly worry that it’s all been true - that i’m a bad daughter, sister, friend, girlfriend, supporter, neighbor, anything, everything.

because of my entire upbringing i’ve learned that my intentions mean shit. the love i feel, the effort i put forth, who fucking cares? all that matters is that it’s received the right way.

i exist so as to influence those experiencing me to receive me in the way i would naturally be - but nobody ever perceives someone’s actions purely as they were intended. and i know that, we all know that - but instead of accepting that i tweak myself from person to person, i tweak the output of me with the receiver in mind, i filter myself through their lens. i translate my intentions, my thoughts and feelings, into their language so they will understand me.

i want you to know the real me, i want you to know i love you and i care and i want to help and i genuinely support you and i’m interested and i hear you and i understand you - that is always my intention behind everything. but i know nobody’s brain will receive mine as intended. so, what, i’m a fake self so i can be perceived as my real self? that defeats the purpose. but also….. how do i let everyone know… what i mean?

i have nightmares almost every night. the majority of them feature my mom, but not always. but the theme is the same. someone is mad at me, someone is hurt or pissed off and yelling at me and i’m trying desperately to explain why i did something or what i meant, My Intention, and nobody is listening. i’m Just Bad.

everyone always expects some kind of malice. i honestly feel like i’m incapable of it, partially because i think malice and anger and yadda, expressing it outwardly, is awkward and uncomfortable, my own issue to deal with, sure, but i also just think communication can always be a loophole for it - unfortunately, communication is also awkward for me

guess that’s why i have to mimic the people i’m directing myself toward, be myself in the style of that person

on one hand i think that whole thing is helpful.

it could be. it WOULD be,

if it wasn’t the only way i communicate.

idk how to communicate as myself. i don’t know who MYSELF is, in its pure form. i do, but not really. i know who i am, purely, internally. i don’t know how my true self is portrayed outwardly.

i’ve only ever known myself in the context of someone else, through the tint of interaction with them.

idk who the fuck i am, on my own. passing through the tint of myself on its way from inside to outside.

course i’d have to have some idea of myself to know the tint to put me through, for me to understand.

so obviously

idk who the fuck i am

#personal #late night kinda buzzed introspective post #identity

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