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cheemken · 11 months

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Saw your latest art, and Geeta and Diantha are definitely rumoured to be dating despite just being friends. These two idiots will spend the day with each other then share a bed and be confused about the rumours

Also I know you have your Villain Diantha AU, and her whole reason is that she wants to get rid of those she herself deems “filth” or “to far gone” so that the world is a better place and she can rule/dictate the planet

But what about the other champions? If in separated AUs why would they become the villains of their worlds? What caused them to go down a separate path then their original counterparts?

No but fr tho imagine all the fucking rumours Dia has to hear from her manager abt her and Geeta tho hahaha these two are like the definition of kissing the homies goodnight and they can somewhat do it in the most platonic way like they'll sleep together whenever they're staying at another champion's or each other's place and the first time Geeta joined them the others also thought she and Dia were dating hahaha

And ohhh👀👀

Ngl tho, the villain Dia au was originally villain Lance bc I did write two chapters of it too, and he got Giratina from Cyrus hahaha so in a nutshell it's the same corrupted Galar League bc of Rose thing and Lance went all knight mode and killed Rose for Diantha. But another concept I thought that maybe he did snap sometime before that bc people kinda look down on him despite being the Indigo Champion now, as they know Red and Green are still around and those two just probs gave Lance that title bc they dont want it anymore, leading different lives now. And Lance didn't really take that well bc hey, he's a strong trainer y'know, ofc he's Champion, but still people kinda see him as a stand in for Red and Green and he fucking hates it, so during the tournament he went above and beyond to try and beat everyone, and if they're close to winning against him, well.. Dragonite's Hyper Beam will be the last thing they'll see

Idk how'd Steven would be villain tho bc of all the champions I see him as the kindest and the most open minded, so he'd probs have no problems other than the ones he buried for so long na. I do wanna say that maybe he does see Wallace struggling tho, and maybe he would want to change the world for him and Lisia bc hey, those two are his family now too, he loves them very much, and he doesn't like seeing Wallace struggle anymore, so maybe he would do a Diantha and change the world for the one he loves. Tho, unlike Dia, I imagine Steven as a villain to be the kind that's extremely inconspicuous, more so than Diantha. Like legitimately no one knows he's behind every shitty thing that's happening to those who don't like Wallace, bc unlike Dia who showed herself to Malva, Steven kept quiet and just watched from the sidelines

Same w Wallace ngl, but I also think that if smth were to happen to Lisia, he would snap and lash out on everyone. Think of Team Aqua, but tenfold, it didn't help he's the Guardian of Sootopolis too, this mf knows where Kyogre is and knows just what to do for the legendary Mon to bow to his will, and soon everyone will die in the same sorrowful waters that drowned him

God villain Cynthia is also reallyyyyy *wild hand gestures* cause like imagine her similar to Volo, acting all friendly then stabbing the trainer in the back. She knows abt Galactic and tried to "help" Dawn and Barry on stopping them, but she never really stopped them y'know, if you catch my drift. Like she's equally curious what Cyrus would do, what would happen if they open the portal to the Distortion World, and she did find out abt it. She watched Cyrus die in front of her, watched Dawn battle Giratina, and stared Giratina dead in the eyes, telling it that if he joins her, he'll finally escape the Distortion World and let the people see just how much more powerful he is compared to Arceus. And ough smth smth Giratina seeing Volo in Cynthia's place, sees the potential in Cynthia, and God imagine if Giratina did possess Cynthia tho, and Cynthia's playing along too bc now people really know she's unbeatable, now that she's a god.

Iris and Hau I can't imagine them as villains but I can imagine the others becoming villains for them. like,, back then I had this concept, y'know the song Hell's Coming With Me by Poor Man's Poison? I have this thought that people really looked down on them so much that the two became ashamed of showing themselves to the public, but Iris was pissed y'know, and made a vow that when she and Hau returns then all hell will break lose, she will make sure of it. The people thought she was just bluffing, but then suddenly all the champions went against the people of their region, against those who look down on Iris and Hau especially, and the two are just happy y'know that the other champions are "taking care" of em by taking out the people who shit talked them

Leon,, same w Wallace?? Like if smth happened to Hop? Cause he does care abt his bro y'know. But I also wanna add that maybe Rose did smth to Hop when Leon was acting out of line and that was the final straw for Leon and really up and killed Rose, bc Lee really couldn't bare the thought of smth happening to his brother, and if he's going to make sure nothing bad ever happens to the one he loves too (so basically like Diantha, do you see now why these two make me so fucking ill like cjmsndmd)

Ough Geeta my guy so in my hcs she's like,, she's struggling w feeling empathy, y'know, any sort of emotion really. And she's trying, and Diantha's helping her and such, but I also wanna say in the Villain Geeta au, as much as she loves Diantha, she also doesn't listen to her much. So most of the time she feels kinda empty, even though Diantha's helping her. I wanna say in this au, she did know what happened to Sada/Turo, and she was there when it happened, she knows what will happen, but she never warned them of the danger, bc maybe if smth happened to them she'd feel something too. And when they died, she didn't feel anything but the thrill of watching them dying over their own research. She didn't understand why, perhaps they weren't that close, but there's smth abt it y'know, watching others suffer that makes her feel some sort of thing, and it made her feel alive. Tho w this bc I'm trash for these two, if Dia did get hurt tho, that's when Geeta would really feel absolute anger, if those who hurt Dia won't die naturally, then she'll kill them herself. After all, it's one thing to feel that thrill watching someone die, imagine how much more she'd feel if she's the one to actually kill them

#as you can see dia/leon and dia/geeta dynamics continue to fuck me up no matter the au owo #tho i do wanna add in leons part #that he doesnt want to become the absolute ruler of the world like dia #he just wants those he see as a threat gone #anyways yeah theres smth so fucking sexy abt the champions being villains #like imagine an au where all of them are villains tho #like not the actual evil orgs like rocket plasma etc #but like twist villains? secret villains? that they got the power to their heads #and all of them think that theyre the only ones worthy in their world #idk but its interesting to think abt it hahaha #pokemon champions #an ask and an answer #jerseyk112 #villain champions au

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princeanxious · 3 years

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For your sideswap AU (anxiety!Logan is adorable btw), are there big changes in their personalities from the original sides or do they act the same for the most part?

Also how about how they interact? Do they like/dislike the same sides or are their relationships different too?

Okay okay okay so this’ll take a lil bit of explaining so bare with me kjhkjbij

my basis of the swap part of the au is that while two side’s ‘cores’ (i.e. Logic, Anxiety, Deceit) are swapped, half of either original character still remains as a base, so theyre each a combined half of eachother in clothing style, personal motivation, *and* personality. So:

Virgil <-core swapped with-> Logan

Roman <-core swapped with-> Janus

Patton <-core swapped with-> Remus

(This got long, hiding the rest under the cut)

For instance:

Anxiety!Virgil & Logic!Logan have become -> Anxiety!Logan and Logic!Virgil, right?

So in this Au, Logan would:

-struggle with social cues

-Be hot-headed

-overwork himself

But also,

-Being anxious, overthinking and overanalyzing things

-being stand-offish on purpose bc he feels he doesnt deserve help

- struggle to trust the others whilst worrying constantly about them and Thomas

Which adds up to him being the type of person who doesn’t care what the others think of him so long as he succeeds in keeping everyone safe. He wont hesitate to start an screaming match argument if it gets the others to hear his point of view, because he often feels pushed to the side and ignored. He has the added bonus of being able to provide rational points of logic in his arguments but struggles to be taken seriously because he cant handle being taunted, and ends up lashing out because he thinks every jab is a serious one because he legitimately struggles with telling the two apart. He’s sort of like, a heightened version of both personal and external insecurity alongside anxiety, yknow?

His redemtion arc probably involved him getting so frustrated and confused by them coming to bring him back from ducking out that he literally burst into tears, because ‘I don’t understand! You all hate me, so much! I know I can’t be perfect but I can’t handle this, this, pity party! I’m not coming back knowing you’re going to go right back to hating every little thing that I do!’ Because he’s convinced himself that theres no possible way the others could even remotely like him. They *do* manage to convince him otherwise, dont worry!

As for Virgil, his character take looks a little more like this:

-Doesn’t have a high self-esteem, and can be awkward with showing vulnerable emotions

-still leans into the dark brooding shtick to be taken seriously but with a quieter demeanor, which doesnt always work

-can easily match and give playful quips, but needs time to explain himself and his reasoning

But also,

-carries a bit more confidence knowing his points and views are backed by facts

-serious insults and snips aimed at him do not land as hard on him as he knows how to brush illogical lash-out’s(like Logan’s) off as emotionally-charged but not done with malicious intent

-is able to keep up a reasonably constructed schedule, and has logical work-arounds for bumps in the schedule.

-definitely doesn’t take as good of care of himself as he likes to lead the others on to believe

I’m kinda running out of steam here to write out Virgil’s character bits all tied together as a cohesive character type but i hope what i’ve given so far will suffice??

As for the character’s interpersonal interactions, I’ll probably have to explain that more in depth in another ask bc.. I kinda want specific examples to work from because, As I said, trying to explain the relationships via the swap, where the ‘light’ and ‘dark’ sides have flipped positions with who i deemed their opposite half, but obviously not swapped each others personalities 100%, it means i’m aiming for all the original standing relationship types between the canon group to stay the same for their core positions, but just altered enough in a way that fit’s the current core-holder’s personality.

(Plus, for anyone whose curious about the au’s ships but is new to the au, it’s Roceit, Intruality, and Analogical.)

For super simple examples:

-if Anxiety!Virgil & Morality!Patton had a Father/Son type relationship, then Anxiety!Logan and Morality!Remus have a Father/Son type relationship(sort of. I’m aiming for brotherly relationship in this).

-If you headcanoned(like I do, for this au anyway) that Anxiety!Virgil had been raised by Deceit!Janus as a father figure before joining the lightsides, then Anxiety!Logan had been raised by Deceit!Roman as a father figure before they joined the lightsides.

This technically sets things up for Patton and Janus to be brothers in this au, for that reason Remus and Roman are not considered brothers. However, this does not mean that shipping Remus and Roman will be allowed in this au. Please do not take this as invitation to do as such.

Now for a bit of added fun, heres this bonus jumble of character math that i’d tried to used to explain this whole mess to ske last like at like 1 am, and some mock character interactions using this math lol:

“(Really tho its like. Solving math trying to just take two swapped characters and be like ‘okay what the fuck do we have now’ i.e Janus and Logan would actually probably get along rly well bc theyre basically swapped prinxiety, but janus and and Virgil would *STILL* have friction bc theyre swapped logince, but patton and logan would have either a raised by Roman as brothers dynamic or simply just chaotic tension bc intru thoughts and anxiety fuel eachother, but Roman and Patton would be a swapped!dukeceit dynamic, yknow??)”

———

A take on Anxiety!Logan and Deceit!Roman’s relationship:

Anxiety!Logan, having just been woken up from sleeping on the table: *hissing irritatedly at Roman*

Deceit!Roman,sitting there in all his dragon glory in still his night clothes, eyebrow raised but otherwise unphased: Good Morning to you too, 21 riots.

Anxiety!Logan: *hisses louder, bc he’s half asleep and hasnt realized it’s Roman*

Deceit!Roman, tossing the tiny feral child over his shoulder: Alrighty, Pancakes or Bacon?

A!Logan, melting into cuddle mode bc ‘oh okay this is Father, not a giant monster, its purring time then’: …Coffee

D!Roman: Pancakes it is

A!Logan: >:(

———

Aaaand a Take on Logic!Virgil and Deceit!Roman interacting:

Logic!Virgil, a lil peeved: “Are you done trying to mess with me, because-”

Deceit!Roman, smiling with a smug grin and a lil head tilt: “No.~”

Logic!Virgil, now angy from being interrupted “*listen here u lil shit*”

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antiloreolympus · 3 years

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11 Anti LO Asks

1. literally every interview, ask, and tweet we get from RS is nothing but a bunch of contradictions and her talking out her butt than actually knowing what she's talking about. i honestly cant take anything she says seriously because she'll just change it the next day.

2. ok but thats also what i dont get? bc as you said her long hair and red eyes are all tied to negative emotions ... but also at the same time is tied to her being hades' wife and the dread queen. isnt that framing her being with him and ruling the underworld as a bad thing then?

3. im all for joking around but assuming rs would put literally any symbols indicating which god or goddess it is is too much. the grapes are unrealistic :-/

4. I personally think that if Persephone really needed a relationship in her life Hermes would be a much better fit as he seems like one of the healthiest relationship she has with a person pronto. I guess that’s what you get if you don’t try to write him off as an emotional manipulators like every other love interests… Not counting Hephaestus cause she doesn’t even know him

5. why are the colors in LO so goddamn bright? is rachel's monitor not calibrated right or something

6. I don't see Hades' obsession over Persephone to be very cute or Persephone throwing everything she has or wants away for him as romantic, it just seems like these are two deeply troubled people who would only have a toxic, codependent relationship that's not healthy for either of them. maybe they could take a serious break from each other, revalue their lives, and get together years or even centuries down the line, but we know that won't happen.

7. i just know RS is gonna make it a "haha, gotcha!" moment when she makes demeter find out what happened to persephone and put all the blame on her like "see? you didnt prepare her!" or w/e instead of the fact rachel purposely made both persephone so comically naive and tbh stupid and the world so evil that even if demeter made sure persephone was battle ready she'd still get in trouble and/or harmed. rachel made all the cruel stuff happen to P and will still blame it on demeter no matter what.

8. is it just me or does it seem like the trial is a thinly veiled attempt of rachel trying to call out "cancel" culture and her critics? shes framing everyone who have legitimate concerns about the threat persephone is and the real crimes she committed as crazy and overreacting for it, and is just making up a bunch of canon breaking ideas to excuse or justify their actions instead of actually having stakes and a real story to tell. If LO ever had a direction RS has certainly lost it by now.

9. im sorry im looking at the panels melancholee-writes submitted and noticed not only is that not how you draw a pomegranate (what are those leaves) but the vines on her head change to three different colors. they go from a foresty green, to a more yellowish olive green, then to blue. im literally begging them to have a basic color sheet or something why is even the minor stuff inconsistent???

10. the wild part is you know if rachel kept the family tree intact zeus could have been the one to defend his daughter and vouch for her and hades but nah, why let her have any good family relationships and show zeus positively and take advantage of how close he is to hades? thats just silly.

11. what i find annoying (esp with lo fans) is they assume because its popular its good. like 50 shades sold over 150 /million/ copies, does that mean its better than actual literary classics that only sell a fraction of that? even its movie series made a billion plus profit, does that mean its the peak of cinema too? profits dont mean whats inside is good, often times it means the exact opposite, especially when something like LO has marketing team behind it while the rest struggle.

#anti lo #anti lore olympus #lore olympus critical #lo critical

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iturbide · 3 years

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the fact that edelgard is the villain in 3/4 routes and yet intsys STILL glorifies her to no end enrages and annoys me. no other villain has been given that perspective of “well actually maybe they arent so bad” except for the hypocritical tyrant. even when she has *literally become an inhuman monster* intsys is still like “oh no dont worry she was right actually!” and it upsets me deeply

It upsets me, too, friend. IntSys seems to really like glorifying people who don’t deserve it, especially in recent games (Walhart in Awakening, Rudolf in Echoes -- I can’t say if his whole ‘orchestrating a plan to have his son murder him’ thing is carry-over from Gaiden or not, but it definitely exists in the recent remake so I’m including it), but Edelgard actually ends up as a bit of a weird case.

(I have a lot of thoughts about this, so I’m just going to cut preemptively.)

Now, I’m actually not opposed to Edelgard being the protagonist of the fourth route in Three Houses. Anyone who’s been here a while knows that I generally see Grima, a figure that IntSys generally tries to paint as a rote villain, as at least a sympathetic villain (and possibly even a secret hero in the events of Awakening itself); it’s entirely possible for someone that’s a villain in most of their appearances to have legitimate reasons for what they’re doing and why, and revealing that in their personal route could be incredibly powerful if done well.

And here’s the thing: Edelgard really is a compelling character, in large part because of her moral ambiguity. I actually agree with her when she says that the Church of Seiros is corrupt at its core and the system needs to change. She’s right about that! While Seiros might have had decent reasons for establishing things this way, over the past thousand years human societies have changed while the church itself remained stagnant -- something potentially exacerbated by her selfish ambition to restore her mother -- and this has led to a structure that once served an important purpose becoming a toxic and destructive mess for humanity at large. Edelgard has a completely valid point there, and it’s something that I could absolutely get on board with if she had gone about achieving change in some other way, because she does have other methods available to her that she writes off without real reason -- and even that can relate back in part to her deep trauma and difficulty trusting people after the betrayals she faced at the hands of her “uncle” and her own father’s powerlessness to stop the nightmare she and her siblings suffered through.

IntSys probably could have crafted a narrative that showed from her perspective why she believed war against the Church was the only valid option available to her. The issue is that she undercuts her own argument by targeting all of Fodlan, rather than specifically going after the Church: she doesn’t give the Kingdom and Alliance a “stay out of my way or else” warning, she literally turns her sights on the Kingdom as soon as the monastery falls and attempts to fully annex it once Cornelia sets up Dimitri’s fall, leaving the Alliance only because she has her hands full with Faerghus. She didn’t have to take Cornelia up on her offer of making the Kingdom into the Dukedom of Faerghus and sending troops to finish the job: she could have just left the woman to her own devices, forcing the Twisted to utilize their own people to maintain and secure full control of the region while she worked on addressing the systemic issues, which would have had multiple benefits:

The Imperial Army doesn’t get overwhelmed and exhausted fighting in conditions they’re not equipped to deal with, leaving them stronger overall while the Twisted forces are potentially weakened by the same

Hubert is able to better assess the threat they’re dealing with, including learning their capabilities and possibly even where they’re coming from before Merceus

Edelgard actually puts her money where her mouth is and ends up helping the people she claims to be doing this for, rather than just using them as fodder for the war to grind up

Unfortunately, the way she’s written ends up just making her an imperialist. She’s not just going after the corrupt core of the Church, she’s trying to forcibly unite the continent and return Fodlan to some long gone ideal where it was all united under the Imperial banner because she refuses to believe that Adrestia could have split by natural causes.

Crimson Flower ultimately ends up being a particularly egregious example of this glorification phenomenon in action because they give her a personal route that makes no effort to critically examine her actions and make her face consequences for them. This, I think, does her a massive disservice as a character, because that aforementioned moral ambiguity that makes her so interesting could have been utilized to great effect -- and the proof is actually there already, because they do it in Dimitri’s route.

Dimitri is himself another interesting character, and outwardly presents as Edelgard’s polar opposite: he recognizes that he doesn’t have all the answers, struggles to figure out the correct course of action when presented with difficult subjects that have no clear-cut answer -- like the fact that reliance on the Crest system is toxic for noble families, but it’s those very Crest-bearers and their Relics that help keep Faerghus safe from invasion by Sreng -- possesses incredible strength but specifically refrains using it in most cases to avoid harming others, and generally takes everyone’s problems onto himself to his own detriment. He’s also deeply traumatized and was never given a chance to deal with it in a healthy manner, which contributes to how he snaps -- and Azure Moon starts with Dimitri being so far out of reach that you can’t unlock any of his supports and can’t even engage with him in the weekly discussions. He’s lost himself to his survivor’s guilt and need for vengeance, considers himself to be nothing more than a monster, and has no qualms about killing if it helps advance his quest; as the story progresses, he faces a direct consequence for this murderous inclination in the form of Fleche who attempts to exact vengeance for her brother’s sake in the same way that he’s attempting to claim it for his family and friends -- only to lose Rodrigue, and have his dying words be a plea for Dimitri to live for himself rather than those who died before him, at which point Dimitri sets his sights on opposing Edelgard rather than killing her and seeing to atone for the crimes he committed. While I think the game made the change a little too abrupt, it’s handled well overall, and shows a real development arc complete with both actions and their associated consequences that directly relate to Dimitri’s growth as a person.

Contrast this to Edelgard in general and Crimson Flower as a route. Edelgard believes that she has all the answers despite not trying to engage with anyone outside her own House, decisively chooses what she believes to be the right and proper course of action regardless of how difficult the subject matter, possesses great strength (both physically and of sheer will) that she uses to dominate others, and forces others to join her in addressing what she sees as problems -- such as her line about making her own people into “worthy sacrifices” for her “higher cause.” Crimson Flower is the only route where her attack on the monastery fails to capture Rhea, but once Byleth returns she sets her sights on attacking and subjugating a territory that has remained entirely neutral through the past five years, turns on the Twisted while she’s still in a vulnerable position which ultimately causes the deaths of at least a third of the forces she left at Arianrhod once they fire their warning shot, lies to her friends and allies about what happened there, murders her step-brother, and allows a city full of trapped civilians to burn unchecked while she deals with what she considers to be the “real” threat on the opposite side of the Faerghus capital -- and all of this is capped off with her never dealing with the Twisted, and cute little endcards that talk about how everything worked out fine and there were no problems ever, The End. Edelgard doesn’t get a development arc in her route: she’s never challenged, she never faces real consequences (and the one she does face she literally lies about to her friends and then leaves as a problem to deal with later), and she pretty much ends the game exactly where she started it: completely assured that she made the right choices. The moral ambiguity inherent in her character is instead cast as “of course she’s in the right, she’s so great and there’s nothing at all wrong with what she’s doing or how she’s going about it, isn’t she wonderful?”

At least in the main game, Hegemon Husk Edelgard is treated with real gravity, shown as the pinnacle of her drive to see her ambition come to fruition and the tragic consequence of her inability to change course and find another path. The Forging Bonds event just takes the CF brush and paints her actions as the right ones, even though what made her so compelling is that her reasons were right while her methods were horrific. Edelgard really could have been wonderful. The potential is right there in her character. But IntSys completely botched the execution of it, so that her route feels rushed, incomplete, and at best unsatisfying (or, if you’re me, utterly disgusting for how it glorifies imperialistic conquest), and her Heroes appearances only make it worse.

#answered #anonymous #fire emblem: three houses #edelcourse #look i really do find edelgard to be interesting #i just find intsys' execution of her character to be utterly terrible #and fandom at large has kind of made it worse #i'm just going to keep the nuance and explore the real consequences #and write a ton of fanfiction to that effect

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fanbynature · 4 years

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Obikin x AU /part 1/

Here are some additional things to know before you read the fic.

The ages of some of the characters are: Obi - 28, Rex - 26, Anakin - 23, Ahsoka - 19 going on 20, Plo/Shmi - late 40s, Qui-Gon - early 50s

The thing about the setting is this: It’s still in the SW universe, so aliens, planets and the like still exist and I am mixing it up with our reality while using some slang from SW. It’s set in a peaceful time period, so it’s just a normal living situation for them at the moment. The Jedi are going to have a place in the story but nothing too major. I hope this is not too weird.

I was hoping this to be just a one shot but I had to go and write something that is deeper than just some shag scene. I do love readin just plain NC-17 stuff but this ain’t it one.

There are some warnings /non-healthy life choices, mention of non-con/rape, foul language, ooc - it’s an au what do you expect/

Obi-Wan is in a punk-rock band by the name of "Space Maniacs" that has been active for a few years but has not been very popular until recently. They had started to search for a better studio to record their songs because the home soundproofed garage of Ahsoka's dad, as nice as he is, does not scream "professionalism". Or at least that is what Ahsoka and Rex had been trying to sell to Obi-Wan. Honestly, he does feel apologetic towards Plo, Ahsoka's dad, for all the inconvenience they have caused even though the man had said time and time again that he feels proud of their tenacity and doesn't mind as long as they keep out of trouble.

And when Obi-Wan meets Anakin, the musician tells himself that he may start believing in God, because it's a whole ass miracle that the man comes across the band. 'Cuz if a guy that cute knows the band, is offering his very real and professionally equipped studio plus has the total hots for a certain lead singer it must be some type of miracle created by the almighty Her or that's what Ahsoka had been going on about for the past 20 minutes in the backstage area of one of Coruscant's' better known night cantinas they had just performed at. The cantina is called "Dirty Habit" and tonight they may have met somebody that will be beneficial for the future of the band. At least that is what they are all hoping for.

Obi-Wan had to resist the urge to roll his eyes at the comment that the guy has the hots for him so he settles for a snort. Even if it was true the decision of having sex with someone that could be professionally engaged with the band, won't be a wise one to make. Even if Obi-Wan found the idea of kissing those plush pink lips and to have his hands go through those dirty blond curls, tugging them enormously enchanting. The younger man would make such pretty noises for him. Fuck, no. That is a dangerous zone to enter. He won't jeopardize this chance for the band just because of a shag. Even if it's the best shag he could have in his life.

The guy, Anakin Skywalker as he introduced himself 30-40 minutes ago to the band after they had finished their set made a very tempting offer that they can hardly refuse. He offered them a fully equiped studio to use for as long as they want for 30 cred each month. The band wasn't sure whether they can trust him because that seemed like a total scam, that in the end they would be the one that have to pay an enourmous amount of money. However he explained that he and his mother have a non-profit organisation that helps rising artists who struggle to find their footing. Anakin gave them their cards and assured the band that they can check them out first on their Infocache and confirm that everuthing is legitimate. He doesn't blame them as he understands the dangers of being a rising artist and the people who try and take advantage of that. The blond also explained that he has followed the band for quite sometime now, since they were still experimenting with their sound actually and choose to first observe them and later decided to introduce them to his mother and if everything with their donors went smoothly they would help them. And here he was, speaking with them, offering them a generous amount of help.

They thanked him, understood everything but came to an agreement that they need just a little bit of time and they will contact him back with their answer.

"Honestly, Nobi, I don't understand why we just didn't agree on it on the spot. Anakin seemed genuine and proper with his cards and polite talking. And not so polite ogling."

Obi-Wan glared towards Rex and flipped him off.

"What did I tell you about that nickname? Stop using it. It's annoying. Also, we should not appear desperate. Weren't you the ones that were yapping about how we should "behave more professional-like". I was trying to not appear like I was going to suck this guy off. And I am the one who is in the wrong?"

"He didn't seem to mind. Bet he would suck you off before you get the chance to do it. Haha" the young togruta tried to whisper talk but it was loud enough for the fuming ginger to hear.

"Seriously you too? Can I get a break from the two of you?"

"Whaaaat? Come on, Obi. I know you are irked because Satine decided to end up things but you seriously can't blame her or take it out on us." Obi-Wan was contemplating the ways he could make a murder look like an accident or suicide. "Honestly, you can't look me in the eyes and tell me that you didn't know that this was coming. Like seriously, it was not going well."

Rex was watching his bandmates from the side and was sensing that things were going to either explode soon enough or their lead singer was going to storm out of the room to go get shit faced, sleep in some alleyway and get him and Ahsoka in trouble.

"Ahsoka." Both the man and the girl turned towards Rex. "I think it's time to stop with the jokes and get you home." The lead singer's eyes filled with gratitude towards the bass player and he gave Rex a little smile.

"Oh, Rex, you too. Let's have a little drink to celebrate. We deserve it. You two should stop behaving like old men. You are in your freaking 20s. Live a little."

"Rex is right. I have to go to work tomorrow morning. Get off me and prepare to go."

"That's not true. I know your schedule, it's your day off." Ahsoka scowled at Obi-Wan with disbelieve and crossed her arms in front of her. The man was trying not to snort at the display off childness of their youngest bandmate.

"Well, I decided to take a shift. The extra cash won't hurt us. Especially now that we have to pay for a studio." He smiled a little and gave Rex a knowing looking.

"So we are going to accept the help?!"

"Sure" Obi-Wan turned his gaze towards Ahsoka, gave her a bigger smile and then transformed his facial feautures into a more irritated emotion “Now let’s go because your father it’s going to kill me.”

-----------------------------------------------

Of course, Obi-Wan didn’t have an extra shift and Ahsoka doesn’t have to know that. It’s not like he doesn’t want to get an extra shift, the thing is he can’t get one because he has the maximum available shifts his manager can give him. Other people have to work too, you kriffin menace, you know that right. Also I am going to tie you up to your bed and not allow you to do anything for a week straight if you don’t stop bugging me. Obi-Wan is slightly afraid of Cody now. He was even thinking of asking him to help in another position but he decided against it. Maybe Cody is right but that doesn’t mean that the Obi-Wan is going to listen to him. He has responsibilities and he can’t allow himself to rely on other people. Even if that was the reason him and his father have become estranged. It doesn’t matter, not anymore. He is a capable adult who does not expect other people to do his work.

He may start to search for another job.

The ringing of the phone by the bedside brought up the troubled man back to reality. Shit, Ahsoka. Maybe he can ignore that. If he waits long enough it’s going to stop ringing. Ah, yes. Silence. Then a massage sound.

DONT IGNORE ME, KENOBI! I know....

Oh, for kriffing....She went to his job. Ringing again.

“Shouldn’t you be at Uni?”

“Shouldn’t you be at work? You liar. You know better than to lie to me, Obi-Wan. You should have just told me that your old bones were tired yesterday and Rex and I could have stayed and you could have gone home without lying. Also I have 1 hour brake and decided to visit your sorry ass. Know can you... ”

The older male was trying to remane calm as he knew that getting mad at the girl won’t be a sensible decision. She was right. He lied to her but she didn’t know earlier and was probably just worried that he was exhausting himself and wanted to check on him.

“Ahsoka, can you please slow down. Look, I am sorry. It was a stupid thing to do. Sorry for making you worried.”

Silence.

“If you want to...” Obi-wan started with a sigh but couldn’t finish.

“Next time just tell me the truth. I may be young and have to experience things but I am not daft....I am sorry too. For annoying you about Satine and the Skywalker guy. I was just trying to have some fun. But it was that peachy for you. I should have known better. It hasn’t been that easy for you this past year and I chose the wrong way of cheering you up.”

“When did you mature so much?” the older man was getting filled with a warm sensation in his chest. Proudness. The proudness of a big brother. Even if they weren’t related Ahsoka was close to him as any real sister he could have had.

“Tell anything to Rex and you are dead to me.” the girl warned him with an exaggarated threat in her voice.

“Hahah. I think Rex will truly appreciate the way you are starting to carry yourself, the way you think and sense the emotions in other people. He will love this side of you as much as he adores the careless, fun and cheerful side of you. Rex hasn’t been around as much as I have but his brotherly protectivness over you seems to be stronger than mine.”

“Stop it, you are making me blush.”

“It’s very much true. You know that one time-”

“So when are we going to talk with the Skywalker guy?” Ahsoka seemed to be in a rush and cut off the sentimental notion that the conversation was headed to. Obi-wan rolled his eyes. There haven’t been any time to really think about it but it has been sitting at the back of his head, constantly reminding him. The sooner he calls the better for the band. However there was this constant feeling of anxiety that was washing over him. He doesn’t know what to do. He can’t tell his bandmates, they would think he is just not getting enough sleep or food. He can’t talk to Cody because he really had the chance to tell him anything about yesterday and Ahsoka was waiting for an answer now.

“How about tomorrow? If that’s alright with you Miss Ahsoka?”

“Of course, my leash. My very trustworthy Knight in armor or Jedi in robes. I don’t know. Choose one. That’s sounds fantastic. I’ll talk with Rex and come by your house after I am finished. You just go and sleep, you old man.”

“Stop calling me an old man.”

“You stop acting like one.” she said with a mocking tone and hanged up.

Oh, Force. Sometimes he wishes he has chosen a different path for his life. This one seems like it needs a restart. Hm, maybe he should have become a Jedi. What he knew from his father is that he is Force sensitive but when a young Jedi had come to speak with Qui-Gon about the future of his child he had declined the offer of giving Obi-Wan to them. They had a long conversation and had concluded that as an ex-Jedi Qui-Gon had the abilities to keep his son save and help him if there was any trouble. So in reaching an agreement of Obi-Wan’s future as a Force Sensitive kid he can say that he had a pretty normal and stable upbringing. Well, except maybe a few instances. Some of those were his own fault so he couldn’t really blame the people that came across him. He turned out quite decent in end. For the most parts.

However from the texts which he could find about the Jedi some things seemed more appealing than others but certainly they didn’t feel as they were too far way from him. He could have easily fit with the culture. But he loves music too much too give it up now. He loves Rex and Ahsoka as his own family and he doesn’t want to let them down.

-----------------------------------------------

3 hours later

There was a banging from somewhere outside but the drowsiness from the sleep couldn’t quite allow him to register where it came from. After a few more moments of banging and the voice of Ahsoka, Obi-Wan finally came to his senses. The door.

He rubbed his eyes and yelled a muted “I am coming. Stop doing that. The door is going to fall.” He was still sleepy and couldn’t find his slippers so he just headed barefooted with one open eye towards the door and opened it.

“Finally. We were going to- Can, you please put something on ?” Ahsoka looked her friend up and down, unimpressed and passed by him to go inside.

What in the blazes... His sleeping habit of undressing himself had acquired for the first time when he was hitting puberty and he couldn’t exactly explain what is what connected to. It’s probably the most embarrassing habit he could have developed, especially when the first time it happened was during summer camp with the freshers being mixed and him trying to sleepwalk to there in the early morning with his blader not allowing him to sleep. He couldn’t have predicted that there would be somebody else. He also didn’t know about the lack of clothes on him. With the years it got less frequent, thank the Force.

“We brought food and a holofilm. It’s the crime-suspense one we have been wanting to watch.” Rex tried to hide his smile and not to comment that his friend hasn’t been able to outgrow his adolescent habit. It’s not like everyone can train their brains to do what you want them to do, damn it, Rex.

“Did you come here straight from Uni?” Obi-Wan was trying to speak to the younger girl while she was putting the popcorns in the nanowave and just not staying in one place. He had two rooms + fresher and a balcony. How much more she can move?

“Sure. Why?” she moved to the balcony taking a pack of cigarettes. Obi-wan took the whole pack out of her hands and threw them to Rex. “Hey, come on”

“Not good for you.”

“Look who’s talking. Blondie, pass them back.”

“I ain’t getting into the middle of that. I am just minding my own business, thank you very much.”

“Chicken” Ahsoka puffed her cheeks out, signed and put her hands on the balcony’s metal barrier.

“You should spend more time at home. I thought you stopped being a bratty rebel who didn’t like her dad that much with no reason.”

“I did. And I do. I do spend time at home I mean.” A few beats pass by them, looking to the Coruscant’s landscape, basking in the noises of the city and background noises of Rex doing something in the kitchen. Ahsoka straightens up and turns around towards her friend, looking at the ground, playing with something in her hand. “I love my dad, don’t get me wrong. But sometimes there comes a time when you just feel like you have to split from each other and live alone.” A few more beats pass by “You understand better than anybody I know.”

“Of course I won’t judge you if you want to live separately from your father if that’s what you mean. I do hope you talk to him first and not just run away.”

“Absolutely. I am not that irresponsible, not anymore. I am sure he will miss me and it would be much harder for him than it is for me. I just need this at this point in my life.”

“I am sure he will understand. He is going to absolutely throw you “a goodbye party”. Or more likely “get home sooner” one.”

“Oh, Siths. Please don’t make me imagine this. It just sounds embarrassing.”

“Rex is totally going to get everything filmed.”

“I already know that I am going to kill him.”

Both of them laughed at the ridiculous situation. Obi-Wan placed his hand on the younger girl’s should in a reassuring manner.

“Whatever you decide to do I am here for you one hundred and ten percent of the way.”

The togruta smiled at him and pulled him into a hug.

“Thanks, big bro”

“Oi, the sappy bunch, are we going to watch a movie or what?”

The other two rolled their eyes and returned back inside. While the two were chatting outside Rex had set the snacks and drinks on the coffee table and prepared the film for just pressing the play button.

“Hey, look what we’ve got here. Can you believe, Obi. Our bassist is good at more things than just looking good, playing the bass and getting us a free drink.”

“He is sometimes good at repairing stuff. You gotta give him that.”

“Oh, yeah for sure.” the other two snickered while the blonde was flipping them off.

“Haha, you guys. You are a golden comedy duo. Can we now just watch the damn film? “

“Absolutely”

Halfway into the movie, Ahsoka fell asleep and the guys let her sleep on the bed and called Plo so he won’t worry about his daughter being kidnapped or something else. He told them that he could come to pick her up so it won’t be trouble for Obi-Wan but the younger man reassured him that it was no problem at all.

“So we are calling the Skywalker guy?”

“That is what you want, guys, right? I am not making that decision just on my own and just presuming your opinions.”

“Yeah, it is.’

“Then it’s decided.”

The two men were sitting on the floor cross-legged, drinking whatever was left from the things Rex and Ahsoka brought.

“Do you want something stronger? “

“What do you have in mind?”

“Cheedon whiskey. You know that is not my usual preference but someone who I used to fuck from time to time gave it to me recently as a gift for our good times. Amusingly he was there when Satine and I, well Satine to be precise broke things off. “ The ginger was pouring the drinks while talking and his bandmate was watching him cautiously .”But this is a great drink. Let’s drink to our future success. Cheers.”

“Cheers.” Rex watched his friend enjoying the brown beverage going down his throat and then looked at his own and sipped a little. Making a face because of the burning sensation of the drink. It had good after taste but Rex is definitely not the biggest fan of this type of liquor. He prefers his beer.

“How are things with after Satine? I mean I know you don’t like sharing the hard stuff with us, especially me. You sometimes talk to Ahsoka but you haven’t said anything. What I am getting at is that I am worried. We are worried, with Ahsoka. And we want to know if everything is really fine.”

Obi-Wan knew that Rex didn’t like initiating conversations with serious topics. He was usually there when you needed him, he doesn’t ask you a question, just stays with you until he knows you are ready to tell him what’s wrong. And Obi-Wan could sense the uncomfortableness in Rex’s everything. The older male greatly appreciated what his friend was doing for him and he didn’t want to just blow him off. He knew that it took strength to do something you don’t enjoy doing.

“I can’t blame her. As much as I want to say it was both of our fault. It was mine. I just wish she could have done it sooner for her own good. I was too much of a coward to leave her. I stayed with her just because I was used to it, but I didn’t really feel the way I felt before and it wasn’t fair to her. And that not being the worst part. Now cheating is what an immoral person does.”

“You know that wasn’t the full story.”

“Wasn’t it? I remember it differently.” Obi-Wan was pouring his third drink now and Rex was thinking of hiding the bottle. Or plain pouring it out into the sink.

“You don’t remember half the night. That is the problem. You are trying to take the full blame for something you weren’t even half-conscious to do.”

“But I was conscious enough to kriffing get it up and stick it up into a guy’s ass. Wasn’t I, Rex?” The ginger was trying no to raise his voice so he won’t wake up Ahsoka but he was having a hard time. He stood up, cursing under his breath, took his cigarettes and went to the balcony.

Rex was blaming himself for even raising the question. He knew better than that. Why did he even try to get something out of the older? He never wins with him. His brother is better than him with that. Dealing with Obi-Wan Kenobi. Kriffing Siths. He begrudgingly went to the balcony’s door frame and stood there. Shifting his eyes between Coruscant’s view and his friend’s back.

“Look, I know it doesn’t matter what I say, you are going to continue putting the full blame on yourself, but just know that. I am on your side. I will call you out when it needs to be done. But not when you don’t deserve it.”

“I wanted it, you know that Rex. I told you. You were there.”

“You were drunk. He wasn’t.”

Obi-Wan turned around with glistening eyes. Tears.

“I said yes, Rex. I said it. I would-I would have said it even if I was sober, Rex. I know it. I do. I just-” the older male dropped to his knees. Putting out his cigarette and hanging his arms to the side.”I am just-just not sure anymore.”

He looked up to Rex, with his cheeks already wet from the streaming tears. The blonde crouched down and hugged his friend. They stayed that like for a few minutes and Obi-wan spoke again, with a hushed voice.

“I think I am just trying to convince myself at this point. Not trying to fall apart. I can’t do it. If I fall apart I have to tell her. She can’t know, Rex. She’ll blame herself that she didn’t let me speak. It’s better that way.”

Rex pulled away from Obi-wan and sat on the floor across him, looking at his friend.

“You are kriffing idiot you know that. How is that better? Who is it better for exactly? Not you, that’s for sure.”

“Don’t say anything, Rex. Please. Not even to Ahsoka.”

Rex was wondering really hard how he could just prevent his friend from harming himself further than he already has.

“I am not the person that is going to tell you how to live your life and what choices you have to make. That is your job. But I am the person who is going to be next to you until you want the help you need. Ahsoka and I are going to be here. Cody too. He cares for you too, even if he has “the though love makes you stronger logic”. Rex paused for a moment and continued “Your father will always be there for you too. Well, at least until you know. Nevermind.” He dies Rex thought.”Maybe things with Satine won’t be the same but they don’t have to be. The important thing is that you feel better.”

Obi-wan stopped crying and he was sniffling softly. Trying to get his composure back. He didn’t like showing his vulnerability. Even to his friends. He would start to think of himself as a burden but wanted to stop it.

“I don’t think I am ready yet Rex. I don’t think I am able to face it.”

“Look that is perfectly alright. As long as you don’t try and deal with it alone in an unhealthy way. We are here for you, okay.”

The only thing the ginger could manage as a response was a weak nod. He searched for his cigarettes and popped one his mouth. Rex picked up the conversation again.

“Truly the pot calling the kettle black.” he laughed a little to his friend’s earlier hypocrisy to Ahsoka. The older male looked at him confused.

“Huh? Oh, that. You know that I have tried to quit several times with no positive outcome.” He lit his cigarette and let out a blow of smoke.”It’s truly something I’ll never be able to fix.”

“Whatever you say, Nobi, whatever you say. Do you want me to stay more because the public transport will soon stop and the prices of the hovercabs are going up.”

“Nah, go. I am going to fine.”

“Call me when you get a word from Skywalker.”

‘Absolutely.”

-----------------------------------------------

The next day came faster than he expected with the bustling city noises waking him up. He forgot to close the door to the balcony last night. He remembered dragging himself from the outside, laying down his futon and just laying down. Now he had a duvet, which he didn’t remember getting. Ahsoka. She is still sleeping. He realised it’s still early as Ahsoka haven’t gotten up and she usually doesn’t have classes until late morning or early noon. He wasn’t sleepy, which meant his day will be longer and that annoyed him to no limit. He grunted and pulled the duvet over his head.

“Can you please just let me sleep for one more hour? Your grinding teeth are really kriffing annoying you know that. I think you should really go and let a doctor check you out. You have too much sleeping habits. It’s not healthy.”

“I just woke up and you are already annoying me.”

A small heart-shaped pillow flew over his head almost hit him in the face.

“You missed.”

A creak from his bed followed by footsteps on the wooden floor. His eyes were closed so he did not anticipate a soft yet hard hit on the face by a larger pillow.

“I think not. Ugh, now I am woken up. Make us some coffee. You are the host. Be one.”

“Half of my wardrobe is filled with your clothes plus a couple of your shoes. I think you can make your own coffee.”

“You are unbelievable.”

A small scratching noise was coming from the window outside followed by a meow. Ahsoka’s head snapped towards the noise and she went to check it out. There was a middle-sized loth-cat. The cat’s whole body was white except a patch of brown on top of each eye. Which was now meowing in Ahsoka’s feet, not knowing if it could do anything else

“Did you get a loth cat and not tell me?”

“She’s not mine. She just came one day and I started feeding her. She comes from time to time and I give her food when I am here. She seems like she’s domesticized. She had a collar when she first came but not anymore. Didn’t have a tag or anything like that.”

The togruta had already started making noises at the animal and petting her. Obi-Wan got up, when to the kitchen and took out a packet from the cupboard under the sink. He passed the girl with the cat in her lap, went on the balcony and poured the food into a green plastic bowl. The cat run next to him and started eating. He petted her for a bit and stoop up.

“Okay then. I think it’s time you get ready for Uni and I am going to make us breakfast and then I am going talk to Anakin.”

“Okay, boss. Oh, there is something else I want to talk to you about.’

“Sure. What is it?”

“Um, I have actually started to look into some places where I can move to live. As you know I received some loan and grants before I entered Uni so I have some money saved and can live for a while on those. But I was wondering if you could still help me with checking out when I pick a place if it’s legit or not. You have some experience so I think it would help me greatly.”

“Yeah, yeah. No problem.”

“Okay, I have more to tell you but I am going to shower first.”

The ginger laughed to himself and returned his attention to the breakfast. He hasn’t cooked for himself in a while. Running on coffee and cereal lately hasn’t been that great on his health but work kept him from making healthy choices. Okay, he kept himself from making healthy choices. A soft meow interrupted his inner monologue and his attention shifted towards the small creature which was halfway inside halfway out.

“Oh, water. I forgot. What an idiot.”

He filled an empty jar with water and went outside to put it into another plastic bowl but this one was blue.

“Here, little one. Enjoy.”

The man smiled slightly and petted the cat softly again, trying not to disturb it, then he returned inside and went to finish making the food. While the man was occupied with his furry friend the shower noise had stopped and minutes after that the young togruta came out surrounded by fog.

“You should be thankful I don’t ask you for money for the electric bill. Half of it it’s yours. Doesn’t your skin melt off or something. “

“No, Mr Freeze who would probably shower in ice cube bath. I don’t have your endurance. “

“I could say the same to you.” Obi-Wan sent his most mature response - sticking his tongue out which was returned by Ahsoka with twice the emotion.

“What else are you going to tell me.”

The togruta got closer to the kitchen counter and started making coffee for both of them

“Oh. I asked Cody if he can help me with a job in like a month or two. And he said that he won’t be needing any additional staff for the near future but he said he can speak with some friends of his that are in the business and will let me know if something comes up. ”

“That’s great. I am so glad for you.” Obi-Wan set everything on the table, while Ahsoka put some background music to enjoy while they were eating.

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theshinsun · 4 years

Note

For the character ask thing I'm gonna ask for Oikawa and Himuro 👀

sure!!

Himuro’s already answered here (beware of hot takes, tho)

now, as for Oikawa...

Why I like them

A KING. Honestly, what’s not to like about Oikawa? There’s so much depth and complexity to his character, and seeing his passion for volleyball and how far he’s willing to go, only to be thwarted at every turn right before he makes it... it makes him really relatable, as does his frustration with trying his hardest and practicing to exhaustion only to be overtaken by the next upcoming genius. He’s... extremely sympathetic to me because I identify with his struggle, but he’s also just a fantastic character with powerful themes and iconic moments all the way through the story.

Why I don’t

I know I asked what’s not to like, but... there are one or two things that are not so enjoyable about Oikawa. His ferocity has the side-effect of him coming off as a little cruel at times (especially toward Kageyama), and he can sometimes be a little too petty and unserious, though I do understand that being lighthearted and provocative is like a coping mechanism for him... These aren’t traits that detract from his character at all, it’s just... almost uncomfortable how flawed and human they make him. ...I guess that means I don’t actually have a legitimate complaint about this guy, sue me.

Favorite episode (scene if movie)

Oh I love the episode where he takes his nephew to volleyball practice and runs into Kageyama (s2 ep 6 is my favorite in general, so this shouldn’t be surprising). Seeing him interact with Takeru is precious and hilarious, and I love that even though Kageyama is probably the last person he wants to bump into in public, he still humors him and actually gives him very helpful advice (by way of insulting and degrading him, but what else would you expect). It’s not out of the goodness of his heart, but somehow that makes it even better. If I were to go beyond the show and into the manga, the entire Brazil arc is also a thing of beauty, but if I have to pick a single episode, it’s this one.

Favorite season/movie

Season 2 is where Oikawa really shines, I think, there are so many great moments, from his practice game with college students where he effortlessly falls in sync and leads them, to his handling of Kyoutani, to the entire Karasuno/Seijou game and his iconic confrontation with Ushijima at the end. This is the season where I fell in love with this character, and where it became clear that he was hiding a lot more depth than is visible on the surface.

Favorite line

“Talent is something you make bloom.” His whole monologue after that flashback about his mentor gives me chills, but this line... sums up his entire character arc, and really resonates with me personally.

Favorite outfit

SEASON 3 GLASSES OIKAWA IN STREET CLOTHES OWNS MY HEART. He and Iwaizumi are seriously serving looks in season 3, fashionable bois...

OTP

You know it’s gotta be IwaOi. I’m weak to childhood friends and these two share such an intimate, long-standing and often instinctive bond, it’s beautiful. I imagine they’ll be together the rest of their lives, even when they’re apart, you don’t form a relationship like that temporarily.

Brotp

I can’t decide between Maki and Matsun... bc they’re a squad, so yeah, those two. The Seijou third years honestly give me such joy, I love seeing them interact and joke around together.

Head Canon

I’ve seen a lot of things about Oikawa breaking gender roles, and I’m here for it. I’ve written him as genderfluid once, but I’d also just love to see him in skirts and heels, maybe painted nails, and still kicking ass.

Unpopular opinion

THAT BEING SAID... I don’t agree with a lot of the fandom’s tendency to write Oikawa as fragile, delicate or sensitive; that man has balls of steel and he is Terrifying, he will wreck your shit and more people need to acknowledge that.

A wish

I wish he and Kuroo could’ve interacted in canon at least once, can you imagine the chaos? I guess I’ll settle with fanon interpretations of their relationship but it would’ve been amazing to see it for real.

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen

I have a tendency to write crippling leg injuries, and have drawn Oikawa with a wheelchair and a prosthetic in the past, but in reality, I really hope he doesn’t ever suffer a debilitating injury that would prevent him from playing volleyball.

5 words to best describe them

Leader. Eclipsed. Flourishing. Tenacious. Conqueror.

My nickname for them

Oiks, x-kawa (i.e Shittykawa) or just Tooru <3

#shin speaks #answered #oikawa tooru #himuro tatsuya #knb #haikyuu!!#oh shit don't ask me about hq characters I will gush for days #i love my knb boys a lot but hq is next level #them's just the facts #homiro

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musashi · 4 years

Note

Can we ask you for advice on character development and interaction for a pokemon fanfic? I love Denounce the Evils and want to capture that amazing feeling from reading it with my own characters.

first off, thanks for liking my fic! ToT dang!

so, on development:

have an idea mapped out of where your character is and where you want them to go by the end. that is really the bluntest advice i can give. you need a start point and an end point, and how you fill in the time in between has to do with the external factors in your story and how your characters react to them as time passes.

think about the relationships you want your characters to have in the beginning, too! make little pairs and write out a list of traits you want their relationship to have. sibling-like? romantic? best friends? multi-layered? rivals? write the names of two characters and beneath that, write how each of them feels about each other. how does x feel about y? how does y feel about x? this will inform plot points, conflicts, and how they speak to one another. if they clash on two ideas, that’s an opportunity to expand upon. do they compromise? how big of a rift does it cause if they dont?

i’m gonna give you a mountain of DTE talk as an example just because we’re both familiar with it and i talk best in examples honestly xD im sorry this got so long and its just me talking about my own ass story.... but i super do not know how to like... give general advice, so i wanna like. idk. walk you through my own process? yeah

there’s actually two simultaneous developments each character is going thru at once--all three of them need to achieve the goal of, ultimately, growing to be heroes rather than villains. this was the easier bit to develop, because they were fairly soft-hearted villains to begin with. it really was a matter of dissection first--what motivates team rocket to be villains? the answer to that is: stability, money, freedom. villainy is a career to them, so in chapter one i mercilessly destroyed their organization. that left their main motivations: stability, money, and freedom. the rest of the story is about them finding that elsewhere. they don’t know where elsewhere is, so they travel the world until they do.

good deeds don’t always immediately yield results. this is a lesson they have to learn, and they have to choose to do good anyways. their past will often creep up and hold them accountable. they have to fight their urge to make excuses for their past selves. and at certain points, they have to resist the temptation to go back to the comfort of villainy. but, as i’ve said, they’re all very softhearted individuals. its easier to make them choose good than say, a villain like hunter j or giovanni.

this is the plot-centric character development--this is was fuels the story and the conflicts they face as a group with a shared past. the other running character development happening is their individual development. this dictates 1. how they interact with one another and 2. how they might splinter off from the group and interact with various people they meet along the way.

meowth’s arc is the simplest--it revolves around this idea that haunts him: that he’s alone in the world, caught between two states of being, never quite knowing where he fits in and searching for a home. his end is that he realizes homes are made, not found, and that he’s always been exactly where he belongs--with his two best friends, with his family.

james’s arc is about healing from his trauma, a trauma he is ruled by. he allows others to step on him because its what he knows, he runs from hard conversations because he sees his abusers in everyone and everything, he leaves his friends behind because he legitimately believes he is doing them a service. james has a martyr complex and can’t fathom he’s loved by anyone--he considers himself a burden, so he’s self-sacrificial to a fault to lessen that burden. his end is to be the opposite of ALL this--in the end, james is brave. he faces everything head on, he has conversations with what scares him even if his hands shake and his voice gives out. he advocates for himself, he looks his abusers in the eyes and tells them who he is and they see it and they’re scared. he reunites with all the friends he left behind and gives them a second chance even when he doesn’t fully believe he’s good for them, he trusts them. he might not entirely believe that his presence in anyone’s life matters, but his friends and pokemon believe that, and he trusts them.

jessie’s arc is about a lot of the same stuff james’ is about--overcoming the trauma that rules her. in her case its traumatic abandonment, and her fierce prioritization of herself. jessie loving herself is not a toxic trait by any means, but where it comes from is problematic--she loves herself so wholly because she believes that if she doesn’t, no one ever will. she’s obsessed with being someone’s wife because once that happens, in her head, thats it! they cant abandon her! they cant leave! she’s safe! she’s secure! all her actual toxic traits revolve around her fear of abandonment & her history with it--she abandons her own friends in a heartbeat because she’s scared of them doing it to her first. she refuses to be vulnerable or open up deeply to the people closest to her because she’s scared of them loving her, and her loving them back, and that love being fostered, and the euphoria of that... and how bad it will hurt when they leave. she’s incredibly sensitive and masks it with anger, and overall she’s just a neglected person who needs to be loved for who she is, but who struggles with finding someone to love her because she’s become so sharp and walled in DUE to all that neglect.

her end is realizing that she’s wasting her life living in fear of this heartache. that never being abandoned again is not worth living a life without love. and while my message was never really meant to be “jessie has to change herself to be loved” (i try to make it clear james fell in love with her at first sight when they were kids xD) she CHOOSES to make several changes: she chooses to open up to her friends, and she CHOOSES to compromise and make little sacrifices for their own well-being now and then.

going back to character relationships, i always knew DTE was going to be a rocketshipping story, and a huge part of that was because i was dissatisfied with reading very few realistic takes on their relationship’s development. fanfiction is meant to be self-indulgent, but jessie and james are polar opposites. in some ways, that makes them an amazing couple! but there is a LOT of shit they feel different on, and so their development largely revolved around their inability to meet each other on the same wavelength before finally brute forcing it and putting in the work. i knew i wanted them to have a screaming match with one another by the time the fic was done, because the build-up of tension between them over the years needed to come to a head so they could both break down and just talk.

james runs from things he’s scared of. jessie is scared of people running from her. james thinks he’s lower than dirt. jessie thinks she’s the most important thing in the world. james is canonically gamophobic & has PTSD revolving entirely around marriage. jessie is obsessed with being someone’s wife. james desires freedom because he was raised in stifling conditions. jessie desires stability because she was raised in conditions that constantly changed. my assignment is to somehow make them fall in love.

this is what i’m talking about when i say conflicts are key to informing development. ultimately, conflicts are contrasted against how much your characters are willing to compromise for one another. early on in the story, they might fight and stew and mess things up and be incredibly clumsy with one another. as they work on their issues, these conflicts can keep coming up, and every time, you can make them compromise a little more.

in DTE, my best example of this is the fire stone. jessie snags it for herself in chapter 4, and immediately starts dreaming up a future where she has the flareon she always wanted. but jessie’s arc is about how love requires compromise, and how falling in love with someone can make those compromises come almost instinctively. so in chapter 16, she gives the stone to james without a moment’s hesitation. in the chapter before this, she’s the one to stoke her anger and admit she knows nothing about why he’s so disgusted by this baby oddish they just hatched. these little moments of compromise build. the reader remembers them, james remembers them, and they allow him to make his own compromises.

when one character shows growth, the people close to them are likely to have moments where they stop and think--wow, they’ve grown, haven’t they? maybe... i can do that, too.

again sorry i just blathered on about my own ass story, its just the hardest i’ve ever really thought about this kinda stuff so its my reference level, tbh. i would say, plot out your story. plot out your characters--their good traits, their bad ones, where they are, and where you want them to go. as you hit points in the storyline, you can think “this is the perfect place for these two to conflict” or “this is the perfect bit for a small victory.” and you can just gradually change and shift those interactions as time goes on. thats kinda how i played it! i had a lot of little scenes i wanted to write, and how my characters developed changed and shifted and melded to those scenes.

and remember, you are in control. this is your canon. anything you’re not happy with, you can change and rework! take it seriously, but don’t stress out too much. overall, the one thing you need to always take to heart: just write. dont let the fear of doing it wrong paralyze you into making nothing at all.

good luck!

#dteblogging #wendy rambles #chaospulsar #wendy answers

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jewpacabruhs · 5 years

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bruv im still jus. wow. theres so much to say but. do u kno how good it feels... to be jewish, to accidentally fixate on one eric cartman & love him more than any other fictional character for almost seven years now, and then to see him in a little yarmulke, standing at kyle's side while he recites from the torah? do you know how validating that is?

i gotta get personal for a second here. idk how, but in the last few yrs my relationship with my own jewishness has been deeply influenced and intertwined with south park, as ironic and ridiculous as that sounds. i grew up secular, completely nonpracticing; as a child, i was only ethnically jewish, and saw jews as strictly an ethnicity, and a popularly hated one to boot. and it scared me. ive talked about it before, but as a child hearing about the shoah and about antisemitism, i couldn't understand. i thought it was looks for a while, which confused me, because ive got blonde hair and blue eyes and all my family that got caught up in nazi europe did/do too. i remember thinking as a second grader that i would've been spared for that reason; why didn't a good chunk of my family? but i grew up in a mormon neighborhood, with plenty of other blonde kids, and they stayed away from me like i had a disease. this was before puberty, before my hair got a little frizzier and my nose got a little bigger, when i looked just like any of them. but already, at age 8, i was an outsider. i wasn't one of them and i never would be, and they wanted me to know that.

and then i started to get it. it clicked even more once i got to high school and got called a kike every other day - but prior to high school, you know what i found, and you know what really pushed me towards understanding what being a secular jew in america meant? south park. and as a dumb little sixth grader with no critical thinking skills, you know what shaped my opinions on my own people? south park.

and that's good and bad. good because i do sincerely think kyle broflovski is excellent fictional representation for jewish people, maybe one of the top few ever shown on television. he gets on my nerves at times, but he's good through and through, he's well written and multi-dimensional, he's not a walking stereotype but he still has prominent jewish features that jewish viewers can look at and see in themselves, his morals and viewpoints and beliefs are obviously deeply influenced by judaism, hes deeply proud of his heritage and culture... and that all means a lot to me. and by the amount of jewish sp fans that adore kyle, it means a lot to them too.

the bad thing is, yeah, i can't deny it, during older seasons, cartman's treatment of kyle probably taught a lot of young and dumb viewers how to view jews in real life. have i, as a kyman shipper and cartman stan, justified that within a fictional and narrative context? yes. but it doesn't change the real-world effect; south park, but specifically cartman, since he's the mouthpiece, likely did cause some easily-influenced people to pick up antisemitic beliefs. did this contribute to the rise of the alt-right? debatable, but to some extent, possibly. was that m&t's intention and should south park be canceled and denounced? fuck no, i'll always love it lol, and fuck censorship. but it is something that should be taken into account.

matt and trey clearly regret that, and understand that it's no longer acceptable or fitting or needed in today's sociopolitical climate - or, okay, maybe they don't even regret it; they just understand that when fiction becomes reality, the fictional jackass isn't necessary when there's one right there in real life, sitting in the oval office, yeah? old cartman doesn't deserve or need a voice, not when real, awful people actually have one right now. and m&t are actively trying to change cartman for the better and really, really backpedal on his bigotry, while still doing it in a way that makes sense from a story-telling perspective. it's not a complete uncharacteristic change of character; it's shifting with the times and writing it into the character's arc so that it's a logical and plausible development in cartman's story.

cartman's behavior in the last few seasons is consistent character development. m&t themselves are pushing it, and clearly it's sincere; cartman's not faking. unless they're building up a surprise twist over the last, what, three to four seasons, that he was faking the whole time! woah! if so it better be a damn good pay off, because that's a lot of time invested. though that seems more forward-thinking than sp tends to be. they're intentionally stuck in the short-term, aren't they? plot-wise. but their character development is pretty long-term, and right now, cartman is consistently decent, and if it comes across as faking, it's because cartman's over-dramatic in how he speaks, and trey does that intentionally.

that's a tonal thing, and it's hard to say in a fictional character, but as someone who struggles with empathy myself, empathy and sincerity don't go hand in hand. you can lack empathy while still caring enough to sincerely and wholeheartedly apologize for something and mean that apology. not feeling remorse doesn't mean you can't apologize genuinely; the two don't go hand in hand. you can be mentally ill in any capacity, even a psychopath, and still deeply care about things or people, just not in the way someone else might. so you can headcanon that cartman's still a psycho/sociopath, though right now that's actually kinda going against canon, but don't rain on other's parades if they're happy he's exhibiting healthy growth. besides, and i repeat: what could cartman exploit out of faking sincerity for several seasons? nothing, so why bother? he wouldn't, unless it's literal in-show subconscious growth.

does that mean he's magically developed empathy? no. is it becoming less probable he's a legitimate sociopath/psychopath (while still possibly having better-disguised antisocial tendencies)? yes. does he seem to have better coping or anger management skills? somehow, yes! he seems to be legitimately healthier. does this mean he's no longer accountable for his past misdeeds, and even his present, less-severe ones? of course not! and you can still hate him all you want, but modern cartman is not the same as older cartman, and shouldn't be treated as such. because is this growth? absolutely.

he's clearly healthier, even happier. he's less angry, he's still a little shit but he no longer relies on bigotry or cruelty or anger to get the negative attention he thrives off, rather he gravitates towards being simply annoying. you know why he called ice? pettiness, immaturity, a little bit of spite, and a need for silly revenge. he's being intentionally petty, but going about it in a sly but no longer psychopathic way. less hannibal lector and more, idk, regina george, lol. extremely different on the antagonist scale. and cartman's been both.

and maybe it's personal bias on what type of human is worse within fiction, someone unstable and bizarre with violent tendencies (which is how he's come to be viewed in pop culture & some of the fandom, as a result of eps like scott tenorman must die), versus someone inclined towards pettiness and more silent and, i dunno, social-status-and-pride-driven types of revenge (cartman in general when he's not being particularly awful, tbh)... but i think it'd be pretty universally agreed that the latter is at the very least more tolerable, manageable, and even likeable - and certainly more redeemable. let's put it this way; if cartman continued on the path he was on, he'd be one of those tiki holding fucks, wearing a confederate flag hat, and he'd treat kyle soooo much worse. instead, m&t have turned him into a hypocritical false-woke ignorant dumbass - but that's strongly less problematique than it's counterpart, and it works.

because cartman simply serves a different narrative purpose now. and that's not sloppy writing; it's well-timed evolution of a character that stepped into a pre-9/11, pre-trump, pre-social media world! so much has changed, and south park is reflecting that in its characters, most notably in a character who was stuck in the, what, 1960s with his beliefs? that was fine way back when, but matt&trey are smart dudes - they understand that sometimes things have to change. besides, they love cartman, too. he's their favorite. but they understand that when real people act like him, it's not so comedic or satirical or funny, & they don't want to look at cartman, at their creation who they've invested twenty-two years in, and see the all-too-real hate of modern radical white america.

i think we know enough about matt&trey's social stances these days, and the empathy they've seemed to develop after having kids, to understand that they're no longer in their "apathy is best, everyone is stupid" phase. current south park is left-leaning and admittedly preachy at times, but i wouldn't want it any other way. g-d knows it's better this way than if they'd embraced and decided to appeal to their right-libertarian following instead. cartman's evolved in a progressive and positive way, and it's fucking dope, especially to us cartman stans who so badly want him to be good. and he is good right! he's doing so good!

and i know im up my own ass rn but yall know how much i myself have campaigned for jewish kyman/cartman and how much i just deeply and truly adore it, and to see it actualized in a canon episode to some extent? that meant the world to me. i couldn't believe my eyes. i was tellin lai - that's the most genuine, pure, almost violent happiness ive felt in my soul in years. that was like a straight shot of serotonin to the heart. that simple little scene made me so fucken happy yall dont even know. & theres a lot to be said about the political commentary and plenty of other people are analyzing that, but im a simple jewish kyman & cartman stan and boy ive been fed good fjskfkdkdkfk!!!

#in other news #sickly jew shay had her vision white out at school today and almost fell down the stairs #my grandpa has been given a week to live #AND the anniversary of the most important person in my life's death is approaching #and i turn fucking 19 soon and i always have birthday crisises #so fucken superb!#in happier news family guy airs soon and it's unfortunately still a fixation of mine so im unjustly excited #lissen stewie's worn a yarmulke twice in fg canon and i cried then #i love cartman approximately... 50x more than stewie jus bc of longevity and. nostalgia and favoritism #i was in legitimate hysterics #sp continues to be my light at the end of the tunnel jfkskf #mine #txt #sp spoilers #theres so much here im sorry i ramble sm #i struggle w wordz and usin em ironically

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all-hail-the-witcher · 4 years

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every book i had to read for english and why i didn't like any of them

i woke up thinking about this and decided to make this post. for context, i went to public school and was on the honors/ap track for english. i am a firm believer that english teachers ruin books for their students inadvertently. this is my experience:

6th grade language arts

we read three books during 6th grade, bridge to terabithia, the cay, and where the red fern grows. and i had to read a wrinkle in time over the summer which i didn't understand like at all so I'm just gonna skip that one honors english was not a thing until 8th grade where i went to middle school so this was a regular english class and i hated it. it was also a double period class for some reason, so i had an hour and a half of language arts every day.

it took us half the year to read bridge to terabithia. i am not kidding. that book is like maybe 100 pages and it took us a good 4-5 months. this is because our teacher stopped us every time we got to a pice of figurative language and made us analyze it. every. single. piece. i got so bored that i read ahead and then got in trouble for reading ahead. needless to say, i absolutely detested bridge to terabithia and would not touch it to this day if my life depended on it.

after bridge to terabithia we read the cay. this took us the rest of the year. the cay is a relatively short book as well so i got bored with this one quickly as well. i really dont remember much about the discussions, but i remember a long one about how the cover was “inaccurate,” which, yes, it was but i dont know if a bunch of 11 and 12 year olds need to spend a week debating that. i think i hated it mostly because, again, we read it for 5 months.

the last three weeks of the school year, our teacher gave us a book and said “here read this before school ends because we have to read three books a year and we only read 2″ (for context, the other language arts class had read about 5-7 books that year and found it insane that we were “still reading bridge to terabithia”) so i read where the red fern grows. all in all it wasn't a bad book, i did kind of enjoy it, but since i was rushed reading it on top of all my other homework and because it was definitely ahead of my reading comprehension level, it wasn't my favorite.

7th grade language arts

now, a bit of a disclaimer here, this was the year that i was in language arts with the guy i had a crush on and one of my close friends at the time. so, i didn't really pay that much attention to begin with. we read quite a few books in this class, but I'm not sure if i remember all of them. again, this was a double period.

i think the first book we read was freak the mighty. i remember not liking this book because i felt like i was missing something. there was definitely some kind of metaphor or something in there that i was supposed to get but because i was literally twelve i didn't get it and i didn't find the meaning in it. theres nothing more frustrating than reading a book that you dont understand.

after that I'm pretty sure we read the wave. it was explained to us that the wave is supposed to symbolize how the n*zis came to power and all that stuff, and while we all knew this, i dont think we really Understood it. (probably because we were 12). we all kinda saw it as a joke and thought it was funny. i think that if i read it now i would be like. “well shit this is really interesting” but 12 year old me wanted to make fun of it with the rest of my class.

i think we read seed folks next. this was another book that just went over all of our heads. its about how a garden changes a whole bunch of peoples lives which is like, super interesting. but none of us got it and were like “lol this is stupid” so much so that we actually stopped reading it. like my teacher stopped having us read it.

I'm fairly certain the last book we read was the miracle worker. a lot of us had had to read parts of it before that class so we were all kinda familiar with it already. i vaguely remember some kind of obnoxious class joke about the book that was probably rude. i remember finding it interesting, but there were so many activities we did about the book that i lost interest.

8th grade honors reading

this class was A Trip. i liked the teacher, but she was a little out there. its unclear whether she got fired or just didn't come back after that year. i had a lot of fun in her class but it was usually because we all bonded over hating the assigned reading.

i dont remember what order we read the books in and i dont remember if this was all of them, but to the best of my recollection this is what we read

we definitely read romeo and juliet. by the time you're in 8th grade, everyone knows the story of romeo and juliet, so it wasn't like that suspenseful or a surprise or anything. but we had to act the reading out. yes we had to act out romeo and juliet. with burger king crowns. and wrapping paper swords. clearly the teacher was trying to have fun with us, and it was fun fun for awhile but it got old. especially when you got participation points taken off your grade if you didn't read for once of the characters (which is massively unfair because not everyone wants to get up in front of a class in a paper crown holding a wrapping paper tube and read in old english when you're 13 but whatever).

we also definitely read animal farm. it was another book that went right over our heads (or, mine at least). i didn't actually really understand it until i had to read the communist manifesto for ap euro senior year. and our teacher talked in a bad russain accent the entire time? i could barely keep the characters straight, let alone analyze the underlying message and all that. now i might actually like it since I'm a history major and have a decent background on the russian revolution, but at 13? no thanks.

the one book that everyone hated (including the teacher herself) was farewell to manzanar. it was a memoir about a young girl growing up in the japanese internment camps and looking back on her life and stuff like that. the story itself was very interesting and we all learned a lot from it. but the person who wrote it did not know how to write. it was confusing, some chapters made no sense, and none of us generally knew what was going on. we had to finish the book because we were the honors class, but the regular class got to stop after chapter 6.

i think we only read 4 books that year and the fourth one was the outsiders. this was one of two books that i actually liked the entirely of my public school education. i kinda vibed with it when we were reading it and then i vibes with it more once i got to high school and rediscovered it. it was just a good book, pretty solid, good themes, fantastic.

9th grade honors english

i absolutely hated this class. hands down the worst teacher i ever had. she was one of those that should have retired 20 years ago but was still teaching for some reason. and she hated kids. legitimately. that was the first time i got a c and it took my parents a long time to realize that it wasn't because of me, it was because the teacher was absolute shit. the only thing that made that class bearable was the fact that my friend was in there and so was this guy that totally like her so he would flirt with her pretty incessantly and it was Hilarious.

we read so many books that year and i hated all of them. a lot of them were like greek dramas and plays? like we read oedipus rex and julius caesar and antigone. and i hated all of them because the teacher made me hate reading and made it seem like a chore.

by far the worst was the old man and the sea. i hated that book, hemingway was terrible. i struggled to find any kind of meaning in it and connected all of my responses to the bible because my teacher loved it when people did that.

we read inherit the wind and to kill a mockingbird and all quiet on the western front which were the only books i found remotely interesting. but i still hated them because i knew that we would have to do her reading quizzes which were impossible so it was pointless to read the book anyway.

and we also read a raisin in the sun. i dont remember what this was even about except that there was some kind of insurance money involved. but by this point we were all really done with our teachers shit and my one friend legitimately said during class “but, ms. [name] if you put a raisin in the sun, doesn't it just get more raisiny?”

10th grade ap english language and composition (american lit)

i loved this class and the teacher but i hated all the assigned reading because we read it for the ap test. everything you read was in the context of having to find themes and shit to write about on the ap. so i didn't really get any of the books for that reason. i think we only read three and they were the scarlet letter, the crucible, and the great gatsby. i kind wish i paid more attention to gatsby and i think i would like it more now but at the time i detested it. we also had to read grapes of wrath over the summer and i hated that. i wanna read books to read them, not to come into school and write essays on them. also the ending was weird and i hated it.

11th grade honors (british lit)

another bad year of english, not quite as bad as freshman year, but still bad. still hated it. i outlined many fics in that class. the teacher did not like me and i did not like her. she also talked in this weird fake almost british but not quite accent that sometimes still haunts my nightmares. she was also one of those backwards feminists who claims they're a feminist but still was sexist in her favorites and the way that she treated people in the class?? after english i had math and my friend (the same girl who said the thing about raisins freshman year) and some others would complain to our math teacher about our english teacher. math was essentially a support group for english where we would discuss answers to reading checks.

over the summer we read 1984, which, cool concept (esp right now) but i hated knowing that i had to find some kind of deep meaning in it because i was going to have to write an essay on it as soon as i came back to school.

from there i think we read beowulf which was interesting. i dont know if we actually read the whole thing or just excerpts but again, i hated looking for meaning.

we read a tale of two cities which was like the one book i actually wanted to read because i am a huge fan of the shadow hunters book serieses and will and tessa quote that book all the time. i think if i had read it to read it it would have been better but first, dickens is wordy and weird and second i dont really wanna have to search out symbolism while I'm reading because its required.

we read macbeth, which i just didn't like. idk why. i just kinda thought it was stupid. i dont really have an explanation for this one. i think it was because we read it in the old english and that confused me a lot of the time.

and we read jane eyre. the only thing i remember from jane eyre was “pathetic fallacy” which is where the mood of the scene is reflected in the weather. i dont wanna dissect a book like that. and also my teacher referred to the book as “jane” but she said it “jAAYYneeE” which was annoying.

12th grade ap lit

dear god. this class. i had issues with this class. our teacher was something. everyone was afraid of him. e v e r y o n e. he ran detention and didn't know how to match his clothes and wore skinny ties. he had three swell bottles the he would bring with him to school every day. people claimed he used to be in a rock band and that was why his voice was so high pitched and weird. some said his wife left him, others said he had a kid. we were genuinely confused by him. he didn't teach, he yelled at you for doing things wrong without giving any instructions on how he actually wanted it done. he made college out to be some big scary thing where we would all be trampled. but mostly, he was an existentialist.

we had to read song of solomon over the summer. i hated it. i didn't hate it because of the messages and all that stuff, no the book itself was good and toni morrison is a great author. i just hated the fact that there was graphic description of incest, necrophilia, or sex at least once every 5-10 pages. i didn't wanna read that. and it turned me off the book. so when he asked us if we liked the book when the year started i said no and i argued with him about it. and he hated me for the entire year.

next i think we read waiting for godot. which was absolutely terrible. its literally a play where nothing happens. it would have been funny except that i knew i was gonna have to write an essay on it. how do you write an essay on a play where nothing happens? literally all of our discussions about it were about existentialism and it was terrible.

we read the metamorphosis, which everyone hated cause it could have been written in like 4 sentences. and our teacher thought he was So Clever for assigning it to us. he thought it was the biggest joke. and he went on and on about how its about existentialism and blah blah. the book would have been funny had he not only discussed it in regards to existentialism.

i think next was hamlet. i would have like hamlet had we not discussed it only through the lens of existentialism. its a good play, but i hated it because of the way he talked about it. even now, i only like it to make fun of the way he liked it. my friend and i send hamlet memes to each other all the time but only cause they remind us of our teacher.

one flew over the cuckoos nest. the second and final book that i actually liked my entirety of school. i dont know why i liked it, but it was just a good book. our teacher also had some kind of weird cowboy trope thing that he thought mcmurphy fell under which i thought was hilarious. the essay i wrote on that book was the only one he wrote “nice job” on and i still have it somewhere

my friend claims that we also read the stranger. i dont really remember what that book was about except some guy shot some people. there was definitely something in it that i didnt get.

anyway in conclusion required reading ruins books. when i told my creative writing advisor that i out of all the books i read for school i only like the outsiders and one flew over the cuckoos nest she was like “yeah, english teachers really ruin books for students”

#this is a very long post #saph screams #english #books n shit #english teachers are so hit or miss #and even if they're good teachers #that doesn't mean that you'll like the books

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flying-elliska · 4 years

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Hi Ellie!! I hope u dont mind this ask ❤Do u have any advice on how to do stuff on your checklist and not get overwhelmed? I can hardly do one thing out of my to do list and then i get severely depressed for not being able to do anything. i dont think i can function like a human being sometimes. anyway youre so cool ellie!!! i admire you loads!!! - help asked from one adhd struggling teen

HI anon ! I’m sorry for not answering sooner i had a beautiful answer ready and then Tumblr just ate it T_T anyway i don’t mind at all i think it’s awesome that you’re asking me ! this is honestly still something I’ve struggled a lot with. here are a few things that helped me (keep in mind i’m not a professional and this is only my personal, limited point of view) :

- ofc the first thing is to get as much help as you can, there are lots of people out there who can help. Generally talk to people around you about your problems ; often they want to help and just don’t know how : i know the tendency to feel ashamed and keep it in but that’s not good. Some people might be a bit ignorant so maybe keep a few ressources on hand you can send to people to educate them if that’s an issue ; and educate yourself so you feel more secure and legitimate in your opinions.

- one thing that’s helped me lots is to go on #ADHDtwitter and #Neurodiversesquad because a lot of people on there are actual adults who are sharing both their struggles but also tips on how to actually manage the symptoms and have full and happy, if messy, lives. It’s very inspiring. It helped me a lot to feel understood, less alone and gave me a ton of ideas. Some accounts to start with : @ danidonovan - @ blkgrllostkeys @ ADHD_Alien (her comics are so cute) @ dustyexner plus lots of others

- regarding having trouble doing things, this is definitely a Big Damn Problem for adhd folks. the concept of the emotional Wall of Awful really helped me with this, you can find more about it in this Youtube video by the awesome How To ADHD channel (all her videos are so helpful !! have a look!) basically the idea is that we accumulate emotions linked to certain tasks based on unhappy past emotions that make it a lot harder for us to do things and that building it down takes a lot of time and effort but there are ways to work with/around that. learning to process, connect to and be more mindful of our emotions is a huge task, but it’s often a central one.

- don’t try too hard to be neurotypical aka ‘normal’. find the solutions that work for YOU. If they’re a bit weird ? Whatever. The point is that it works. You will probably end up having weird routines that make no sense to others but it doesn’t matter as long as it helps you. Be creative and don’t be afraid to think outside the box. I’ll give you an example : one of the reasons i hate going to bed early is because late at night is when i feel the most free of outside obligations and therefore i don’t want to give that up. So instead what i’ve been trying to do from time to time is a ‘clown hour’ where i basically give myself permission to do whatever the fuck i want (within reason lmao) but in an active way ; basically indulge my rebellious inner 8 yr old. Last time I ended up watching martial arts videos on youtube and practicing kickboxing kicks on the Mulan soundtrack and then put on funeral music and improvised my own eulogy by thinking about what i would like people to say about me after my death. Lmao that sounds completely wack when explained to other people but the point is - stuff like that really helped me reconnect to the idea that my time is mine to do with as i please, not just late at night. Anyway my point is : make it fun, make it a game, try things, experiment. Our brains crave novelty and if they don’t have it and feel burdened by shame, pressure and expectations of course they get depressed and stuck. Give your brain the fuel it needs to work.

- just accept that sometimes you’re going to be a mess. it’s okay. you can be a bit of a mess and also live a fully, happy, joyous life. our society puts so much pressure on us to have this Perfect Instagram Life where everything is polished to unrealistic standards and gives us the idea that your morals are linked to productivity and if you are not constantly striving to be a Model Consumer Pretty Picture you are a Bad Person and a slob/lazy/unworthy/etc and all of that is...toxic garbage of the highest order that everyone should unlearn but especially us. related to that i would be careful with use of social media, tailor it to only give you content that makes you feel good/intellectually engaged/creative because it’s so easy for us to go into bad comparative spirals.

- tied to that be careful of your own perfectionist drives. it’s veeeeery common for adhd people to want to overcompensate their perceived shortcomings by wanting to be perfect. aka you haven’t done anything in weeks and all of a sudden you have this insane to do list where you expect yourself to turn your entire life around in a week. well, not going to happen. i’ve found it so important to limit myself. for instance what i do now is i forbid myself to put more than 5 items on any todo list. once i’ve cleared items i can add more, but not before. it’s a lot less scary that way. also prioritizing is very important so you don’t get bogged down in details.

- try to be mindful of your own energy. a big tendency of adhd people is to overpromise and underdeliver because we are enthusiastic and we want to please people but we are bad at estimating time/energy it will need. learn more about your own boundaries, what things are hard for you to do (for me, it’s socializing in groups) and what gives you energy (for me it’s writing, reading and walking in the woods) and try to balance that. learn to say no, it’s tough but necessary. So that you have enough left for the tasks you need to do.

- create an environment that is benevolent and helpful for you in which to work/do things and that generates positive emotions. Get yourself a cute notebook. Put on happy music. Don’t forget to feed yourself. Don’t give into the urge of punishing yourself. You deserve happy good things - not overindulgence as escape - but our brains thrive on short term rewards. Bundle the unpleasant tasks with more stimulating stuff (for instance i always listen to podcasts while cleaning/grocery shopping etc). Create pleasant little routines for yourself (for instance one of the first things i try to do in the morning is do a little drawing of my emotions, it makes me happy, then i have tea and i plan my day.). Put on alarms constantly so you don’t lose track of time, but with a cool song. Find yourself cheerleaders who can encourage you in a positive way. Stuff like the pomodoro technique, timing yourself while doing a task, etc, can really help. Or telling yourself you will do a thing for ten minutes and stop when it’s unbearable, etc. Prioritize joy, pride, affection, desire to help, altruism, love, curiosity, interest and passion as motivators, instead of anxiety, guilt and shame.

- find ways to build self esteem and confidence in your own skills. it’s often a lack of that that can block you from doing what you need to because you might be afraid of screwing it up. what I did for a while, for instance, is to keep a record of the stuff i did everyday and then extrapolated the skills i displayed from that. another thing you can do is make a list of simple skills you want to learn and find ways to do that, like youtube tutorials, etc. especially when it’s practical stuff and quick to learn, it can really feel so good, and make you more familiar with a sensation of success (and if you fail it can be a fun experiment gone wrong, and self discovery, you don’t have to be good at everything.)

- find ways to challenge yourself. depression happens for adhd people when we let ourself stagnate, isolate ourselves because of shame, and get into this idea that we are subhuman and we don’t deserve good things. that is false. you deserve a happy life. and our brains crave novelty. find your passion and indulge in it, find the things that make your brain come alive (as long as they’re healthy ofc). if you’re not sure what that is, just keep trying. you will find it. but resist the temptation to make your life smaller and smaller. you might mess up but that’s okay. it’s human and it will make for interesting stories later. instead of trying too hard to ‘fix’ yourself, focus on developping your positive sides. it will give you energy, self-respect and draw you forwards like a rocketship. we thrive on passion, not reprimand.

- anyways : i know how tough it can be. depression is really something i struggle with, too. and doing things remains Hard. but my point is, you are not alone, and you are not broken. chances are you too, like most adhd people i know, are a fun, creative, compassionate person with a heart of gold and so much to give. our main enemy is most often the shame that comes with living in a world that is not adapted to us. but the truth is we are just playing the game of life on a much harder setting than a lot of people, and we don’t even have the manual. of course it’s going to create struggle ! so i think the best thing to do for yourself is cultivate a sense of compassion towards yourself, self acceptance, and humor.

- as a teen you probably have a limited margin of autonomy to make your lifestyle fit your needs but - there is so much potential for it to get better ! as you grow in self knowledge and ability to make your own choices, you will find the right solutions and your life will get so much better. i have heard so many stories like this. since i got diagnosed, too, my life got a lot better. i won’t lie, it’s a lifelong process. but there is so much possible. give yourself time. you are so young, and you are definitely a human being. being human is struggling with being flawed and vulnerable and imperfect. i know the world can be shit sometimes, you probably got some negative messages - especially from your own brain bc depression definitely lies to you ! but don’t let yourself be guided by ignorance and fear. you deserve better. i bet you’re also super cool. the happier you are, the better off the world will be. so invest in yourself. educate yourself, develop your self knowledge, be kind to yourself, and keep making little steps. you’ll get there. <3

#adhd #actually adhd #neurodiversity #mental health #depression #anon asks

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kissmethroughthebone · 4 years

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TW for sexual assault

I still hate thinking about my second SD, I was so young and we already had sex 14 times in a row and I eventually was in pain, and this entitled asshole, despite me saying I was in really bad pain, and extremely sore in the pussy, decided to completely, and I do mean completely, ignore me. With nothing more than a grimace and a snarky attitude that tried to insist *I* was entitled or overreacting after *14* times of getting dicked in a row from 10pm to 7am the next morning.....

And just went, "Well, we'll just have one more time and be done with it!", and scoffing, making it seem as if there was no other option.

And just for his reaction to be like that, and me being scared of losing someone who had my ideal allowance at the time AND provided me a lot of good, plus my clothes being too far away to get dressed, and remembering how I didn't eat or do anything for a long time before then..... I obliged just out of fear.

Seeing a man cum in me while I was in pain and not remotely interested? Fucking traumatizing.

Especially with a similar past. "I finally have someone who can do WELL for me", I thought. But, he hurt me.

The way he brayed like a donkey during sex before quickly went from amusing, to mocking. The way he HAAAAAAW, HAAAAAAAAW-ed in my face, (lmfao okay i chuckled when writing this line,) was tinged with a gross smugness. As if he was doing it to now go, "I get what I want, whether you like it or not. Take this and bear with it?"

Especially since the way he came so fast, it would've been easier to masturbate.

Just for a week later, all his promises fell through. Whatever illusion he had before of being some wealthy god or whatever? Fell through. It went from "I can take you to Italy, Calistoga, Paris! I can get a chaffeur to take you anywhere you wish. I can get into more food places like this too, for fine dining", to "Let me see what the cheapest Greyhound would be like.... Also, no dinner, no anything, just planning to have sex for 24 hours straight at my place in Carmel, and also my practice is reaaaaaally expensive to uphold, so I'm cutting your allowance to 250."

Ever want to slit a mans throat? I did.

And well, a part of me hates not saying no, since I believed I could suck it up if I could get an allowance the next week, or have another great luxury experience. Something good......

Traumatizing. :/

Hate that. So much.

Not the first or last assault. Similar experiences. Once more of me grinning and bearing it when some creep tried to have sex with me entirely flaccid, (i dont get it, at all,) and then had the nerve to try and FORCE it in raw without my fucking permission. I legitimately had to kick in him the chest to get him off of me. And only THEN did he suddenly get turned on, at near-raping me and having me kick him in the chest.

And then after a long break from the bowl from that, met another fellow. We clicked well, things seemed great. They looked worse with clothes off..... and, the gross degrading aspect of "i can do what i want with this young lady, since she knows that she needs the money".

You ever had a gross man lick your armpit OUT OF NOWHERE in the middle of semi-tolerable kissing up and down your face, neck, and breasts, then have the audacity to TONGUE KISS YOU AFTER IT?

And him insisting on staring me in the eyes as he aggressively pinned my breasts together, rapidly shaking his head sideways to do some weird modernized version of "motorboating", (which actually hurt, and was really fucking unpleasurable at the pointy tongueness and rapid speed he was using,) while going "Still wanna go to London with me, eh??? Not having any regrets, eh, no second thoughts????? Hahaaaa", and continuing on, in a way that seemed mocking.

It got worse, since oh look.... yet another case of "fat man tries to distract very skinny girl by using his mouth on her vagina/breasts, then trying to pin her down with his weight or hand as he sneakily tries to force his dick in, as if she would NOT notice", and then laughing when caught.

But unlike the situations before, I immediately left. Immediately. I even told him that counts as rape, and that there are entire laws against it. He was shocked when he heard I kicked the last guy in the chest for doing so. (As if I was the bad guy.... Fuck. That.)

And demanded an apology.

Took my money, took my gift, got dressed and paid for my own fucking uber home.

And it was good.

I could talk more about the other gross aspects I wish I spoke up on. Like how I didn't notice the second rapey guy had a grossly white coated tongue, and the way he eas insistent on tongue kissing, but he thought tongue kissing was to just stiffly put his entire tongue in my mouth, not move it whatsoever but aggressively let the saliva FALL in HUGE slimey pools from his mouth, with no restraint whatsoever. (I don't know why he thought that would be okay, or if his kink was grossing or weirding out women, but I stayed silent and swallowed, since well, I thought it would pass, and didn't know the option of going "this is disgusting and im leaving" was doable. And I thought I wouldn't get sick, since it was just saliva, until I saw how white his tongue was... And the stomach pains lasted for days, since it was legitimately three mouthfuls of it. I didn't have uber money either, before I knew I could ask men for it on dates.)

I was disgusted. And also angry at myself. And my life. I've been too used to tolerating so much disrespect, grossness, or bare minimum or less that I didn't know I was able to turn down whatever was unacceptable. Since I was used to a life where everything had to be accepted, and that I needed to suck it up and deal with the hour or so of struggle if I wanted that food, that money, that job, that boyfriend, that opportunity......

Ugh.

I really hope I can get a therapist and forgive myself when all of this shit ends.

I do wanna feel better eventually.

I truly do forgive myself and must remember to never let that happen again.

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inkybunny · 5 years

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Hi could I get a matchup please? I'm a bi girl, I love writing, animals, anime, wear my heart on my sleeve and when I feel an emotion, boi does it SHOW. I can literally vibrate out of happiness lol. Friendly person but introverted, I get so angry if anyone hurts my friends like I will cut you lol. Gets flustered so easily. Though I have high anxiety and can be self deprecating and not the most talkative! I hope to be a writer of fiction or a voice actor someday. Thanks, have a good day/night!

I SHIP YOU WITH... From de kids :

K I R I S H I M A

I think you and Kiri could do a good pair

He respect your space and yet hes helping you to get out of your shell once in a while

ALWAYS tells you how amazing you are cause he loves you so much and dont want you to dont like yourself

He can carry a conversation with ease but if youre just not feeling like talking he can just chill with you and thats enough

T S U Y U

She DOES NOT PERMIT you to dislike yourself

As Kiri, she can respect your moments to yourself but she will always love to talk to you

Likes that you likes animals and you guys go see cute animals together on the regular

Kinda bold with stuff so makes you fluster easily and she thinks its super cute

From the adult characters: AL L M I G H T

Okay so I dont really know why all might came to my head BUT

He loves how easily flustered you are, he thinks youre so adorable

Often compares you to a puppy because he thinks your heart is so pure

Always tells you how amazing he thinks you are, nowadays he have a little bit of struggle with his self image aswell and he knows how hard can it be

From the villains: D A B I

Easily flustered? Yeah, THIS GUY

He’s just SUCH an asshole with you sometimes but once you got legitimate upset and he was so bad for it never really said he was sorry, he just tried to make up to you

Hes a tease so he’s going to pretend he dont like you and your a burden and blahblahblah but the truth is: He cant stay away from you for a long time cause he misses you too much and becomes an asshole to everybody until he can see you again

_________________

I will be doing some rules soon, especially for the machups but for now I hope you liked it, these are a little bit quicker to do cause theres not really a reserch about it, i just read your description and write what comes to mind first so DONT WORRY GUYS i promise i’m working on your requests,

college its just hard :c

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cutesyconservative-blog · 5 years

Text

Lincoln-Douglas debate INTRODUCTION 📖

As we continue to go on this narrative of values; we should also discuss why these values are actually..important! Fair notice that these tips are aimed at people in tournament debates. However, they cover the entire spectrum of experience that will be useful to anyone!

I will be using what I learn from (Dr.) Daniel Smith, my own experiences, and what I could find from "Lincoln Douglas debate values in

conflict" by Jeffrey Wiese. A very good book to follow along with and highly suggest getting it. As the idea for this post came from that very book! I hope the following lessons and posts will make LD debate seem a lot more simple even if you have never debated in tournament before.

What is LD?

LD ( Lincoln-Douglas debate ) is a persuasive form of debate that faces many ethical dilemmas. LD is to persuade the judge rather than your opponent, on which side is better. Since there will be at least three people in the room (Not counting people there to observe you, and yes people will be doing that! Mostly it's to take notes and get a good grade.) you want your argument as convincing as possible.

Consider logos, ethos and pathos to be your diamond sword.

In each debate you will be arguing over a resolution which you will have read, researched and put together cases for (hopefully) prior to the debate. The resolutions change throughout the year and usually are very topical.

Some examples from Jeffrey Wiese's book reworded;

Resolved: we ought to value the preservation of our natural resources

Resolved: We ought to value censorship over the right of the free press

Resolved: We ought to hold national security of the individual's right to know {I actually debated this one!}

In each of these questions we a decision on a social action, social preference and/or a social issue.

Which means if you read all my blogs on values and ethics it hasn't gone to waste! Jeffrey states in his book;

" Lincoln-Douglas is first and foremost a discussion about a given topic that evaluates the relative worth of (2) values. "

Something I have been saying about LD since starting these kinds of blogs on Tumblr. Having said that; here comes the structure of how you will be arguing for said values.

The structure of LD

If you're coming into debate expecting to just be shouting your opinions all the time with no restraint; I'm sure by now you realize that you were 100% wrong. As debate has a very fine structure on who gets to speak, who doesn't, how much you can say and how much time you have to say it!

The LD one is one I struggle to memorize personally but a lot of people can relay the timestamps to you in 50 seconds. It's incredible.

Affirmative Constructive speech (6min)(Aff agrees with resolution)

Negative Questioning of the Aff (3min) ( Neg disagrees with resolution)

Negative constructive speech (7min)

Affirmative Questioning of Neg (3min)

Affirmative rebuttal (4min)

Negative rebuttal + voters (6min)

Affirmative rebuttal (3min)

And I as I lay in bed typing this, sick as a dog, I could probably still do all of this without any problem if I had this time table in front of me. You can ask your judge if they can give you time signals ( Up is 123 and down is 321. Specify! ) or to remind you where you are in the debate round if you dont remember this table. ( I always ask)

Each person will have exactly 13 minutes to speak and it's okay if you dont always time it right! I will get further into what this table means later in the blog.

Affirmative's advantage?

Wiese brings up the point that the affirmative does not only get the last word but also gets an extra rebuttal! To many, this may seem legitimately unfair. Well take that the neg constructive is 7 minutes long and not only that but an earlier rebuttal. The aff has to make up that time to create an equal amount.

A common question that goes along with these types of things is; well what side AM I on? Well here's the catch; you won't know until you're there! There's a chance your debate advisor may know if it shows on his screen; but not everyone has that advantage or that small of a class.

Once you get there; there's this beautiful thing called postings. Papers on the wall that have initials listed. You may recognize LD, PF, OO, SO, CX etc. etc. You'll be looking for your level of tournament ( Novice, 6A, 7A, 8A, Champions..) And then looking under LD in this case. It will list your judge, opponent, you and your schools. You will also be listed as either neg or Aff. Alternating each round. If you see "flip" next to your name, dont panic! You'll just flip a coin to find out.

That all said, come to competition with two cases and be prepared to argue for things you might not necessarily agree with!

Prep time!

Did you think of the BEST comeback while you were in the last few minutes as neg, but your turn was over? It happens to all of us as Wiese points out. I actually have cried after tournaments because I realized what I SHOULD'VE said. With time you'll be able to predict questions, situations and will be able to throw those ideas and drag them when they hit you. You will be given 3 minutes per round of preparation that you should use between speeches. This is time to finish writing, calm down and give your case some love.

Never use all your preparation time at once and usually keep yourself to a minute at most! You'll get better at writing quickly. Promise.

Respect

The last thing I want to discuss in this post is respect. It plays a major role in ANY form of public/tournament debate. You are expected to be on your best behaviour during tournaments and while interacting. Tournaments are THE greatest part about debate and it would be painful for your team of you got your school disqualified because you decided to cuss out your judge for not choosing you as winner.

Wiese closes out the chapter by saying you should defend yourselves from people looking to cheapen the event. Just because it's not policy and more ethical- doesn't make it less resourceful and intellectual.

Another note on respect may be that you dont agree with the side you have been selected to defend. You may hate discussing the topic overall; forcing you to open some doors you want shut. However debate isn't about comfort. It's about putting yourself in someone else's shoes and changing your perspective around little by little.

I can say that I walked into my debate class as a bright eyed liberal progressive freshman and came out a centrist. I came back completely changed after some thought and research as the lgbt conservative. I am today apart of the #walkaway movement. Putting respect and effort forth and your craft will ultimately help you in the end. You just have to push it in the right direction.

Anywho.

I hope this blog helped you start to understand what Lincoln-Douglas debate is about and how it works. I couldn't cover everything however I'm going to be covering as much as I can in these blogs.

Inbox me any questions or suggestions!

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maribelsawyer · 5 years

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- ̗̀ * ( ella purnell + cisfemale + she/her ) have you seen ( maribel sawyer ) walking around campus ? they are a ( nineteen ) year old, studying ( journalism ). we hear they are in ( delta gamma chi ), and can be ( benevolent & impressionable ), maybe it’s because they are a ( gemini ). they sort of remind us of ( scraped knees , magnifying glasses , vintage oxfords ), maybe we can find out more ! * ̖́- + newspaper writer

god okay looks like i’ve fallen in love w ella purnell and i want to b her. anyways maribel is my newest baby n im sorta making her up as i go so pls bare w me lmao

TW: eating disorder mentions, subtle abuse?

{she is not currently in that mindset ^}

gen. info

full name: maribel ottoline sawyer

nickname(s): mari, bell, lottie b/c middle name, etc. etc. just sawyer sometimes idk

b.o.d. - june 1st, 19 yrs old

label(s): the marionette, the demure, the prevaricator, etc. etc.

height: like 5′3″ prolly tbh

hometown: duluth, minnesota

sexuality: shit she don’t know

bio. info

her dad’s in the air force, her mom’s published three diet cookbooks and two different DVDs--maribel is the only middle child

one of those conservative, all american families, they were strict and definitely made it known that they were parents and not friends by any means

9pm curfew, not leaving the dining room until all ur food is gone, grounded if ur grades were below their expectations, etc. etc.

her older sister can evoke emotions in others thru her acting like no other. has taken the hearts (and leads) of all her acting directors since childhood. her voice is broadway material.

and her older brother? has been the best linebacker on any high school team he’s joined; hopes to make it to the big leagues. but if he doesn’t? he’s been taking college-level classes since he was a sophomore.

and...maribel?

maribel is...just, maribel.

for the longest time, there was nothing special about maribel

she couldn’t sing, or dance, or compose words in pretty prose

her grades were only satisfactory after hrs n hrs of studying everyday

homegirl can’t even cook w/o smth exploding

in short, maribel has never been good at anything. can’t draw within the lines, can’t follow the line, opens her mouth at the wrong time. etc. etc. shit? rough.

ANYWAYS

her family moves around a lot b/c of her dad, so she’s never really been in one place long enough to really prove herself? always been the quiet girl in class while her siblings brought home gold stars everyday

the kinda girl others would sorta push around n bully a lil bit bc she would never know what to say; prolly just cried a lot tbh

grew up w a lot of insecurities b/c of this

definitely doesnt help that her mother is obsessed w beauty n fitness n like

their mother p much forced her lifestyle onto her children, mari has a rough relationship w food b/c of it

ANYWAYS part 2

grew up always in the shadows of her siblings and their accomplishments, and spent a lot of her time tryn find something to be good at just so somebody could give her a stamp of approval

was always the ~wannabe~, the girl who would just endlessly suck up to the most popular girl she could find and try to mimic her to the best of mari’s abilities, just so she could survive her school experience

by the time mari was a freshmen in high school, her parents had divorced and she finally thought she could have a normal school experience and make something for herself

obv not. her mother shipped her off to a boarding school in nevada and that was it; her sister had already graduated and her brother was still in middle school.

it was finally just mari.

of course like she tried to suck up to others but it wasn’t really helpful, everybody was a lil too boujie for her and she always froze up when she tried to speak to the ~popular kids~

they only rly spoke to her b/c she’s got this knack for forging shit, like i dont think she even has her own handwriting; she always copies other people’S b/c she’s just. so used to tryn to mimic others n be them as much as possible

around this time she found herself fucking around in her computer class more often than not; it’d been the only elective left b/c she arrived in the middle of the year

but she surprisingly enjoyed it, like, a lot

her parents never really allowed much computer use b/c like. rots ur brain or whatever.

got into programming, but when she found out that u could ? hack shit ? kinda peaked her interest.

her shift into programming to hacking was subtle but before she knew it, she was fucking around on websites for the fun of it. never anything severe

computers became her friends, y’know

that was until her sophomore year and there was another loser fucking around on the computers during lunchtime

and like...they just started kinda talking, y’know? became friends, prolly mari’s first legitimate friend in...forever, really

the kid was kinda weird but she didn’t mind b/c fuck, mari couldn’t be picky n she didn’t mind weird

like...they were obsessed w conspiracies n mysteries n shit

it started to rub off on mari too, b/c homegirl is an idiot but. an observant idiot.

so she started getting reeeally into mysteries and shit. started acting like a mini investigator w/ her pal; solving stupid things like ‘who wrote ‘mindy is a whore’ in the bathroom stall’ and ‘does mr. roberts have a secret obsession w kpop’

no mindy is not a whore it was slander

yes mr. roberts is into kpop

ANYWAYS part 3

so they were these nancy drew, scooby doo, veronica mars knock off duo

by junior yr her partner started getting into like. drinking and minor drugs and other things that the other boarding school kids were smuggling in, y’know.

this meant that mari was getting into that shit too, y’know. cant stay innocent forever.

became a lil bit of a pothead lmao

so like now theyre just stoners who go around solving shit and prolly also stirring shit up for the hell of it

so like . . . . . one night they were doin’ their thing, right? and her partner brings up this...completely wild idea

they live in nevada. y’kno what else is in nevada?

area 51

these fucking idiots want to go break into this fucking. air force base. to find area 51.

guess what they did?

they attempted to break into the air force base. like. of course they tried.

they failed like, super miserably, got arrested for trespassing and had to be bailed out of the county jail by their parents

her dad almost lost his job so he was mcfuckin PISSED esp once they figured out she was high as shit

her partner? disappeared. nobody knows where they went.

mari was moved from the boarding school to a public school closer to where her mother could, begrudgingly, keep an eye on her

kinda spent the rest of her high school career p miserable, she gave up on her whole ~detective~ thing and resorted to making fake IDs for her fellow high schoolers

was drug-tested like every week or so, too

around this time her mental health and relationship w food got worse, she barely made it to graduation. took a gap year to recover, worked a buncha jobs but usually gets fired from them b/c she’s really fucking bad like most things besides her two (2) unconventional talents that are decidedly useless

came to ucla b/c her mother p much made her, her mother’s a legacy and that’s about the only reason why she got into delta gamma chi

doesn’t want ppl to know she was a loser and also like . fucked up her dad’s life a lil, b/c it was def a thing that made the news and the only reason why her name wasn’t in the articles was b/c she was a minor at the time

so she like...lies abt her childhood a lot

tells a lotta lil white lies b/c she just. doesn’t wanna b her

uuuhh wanted to do computer science bc she loves it but her parents were both like ‘lmao we’re not paying for shit if u do that’ bc they don’t think it’s very ~ladylike~ n they still want her to like. just be submissive and obedient n shit.

so she took up journalism b/c neither her parents think it’s like a real career and they just want her to find a husband n get married n settle down n stop being troublesome

fun fact: she has a scholarship for being lefthanded so that pays for Some of it esp b/c she’s an out of state student

still struggles a lil bit w food but she’s like. doing a lot better. goes to group therapy, probably

uuuh that’s it for now i think ??

OH SIKE !! she’s a writer for the newspaper and writes ADVICE columns on various topics b/c she’s good at offering advice but only when she can sit down n think abt it lmao

^^she goes by an alias b/c she just. doesnt want ppl to know its her idk she thinks its embarrassing

other than that she’s probably like ... doing campus tech support b/c that’s her current job but who knows how long that’ll last lmao

knowing her she’s going to accidentally switch into her phone sex voice (another, old job she doesn’t do anymore) n get fired for tryn seduce a man with ‘did u try turning it on and off again?’

OKAY i think that’s all lmao

personality

mari is just. awkward, man

i mean like...she’s sorta bad at talking to others a lot of the time??

like ppl r kinda like ‘how tf r u a delta gamma chi girl’ n she’s just like i mean u h h h h

prolly stutters a lil bit b/c she’s usually rly anxious

but she’s v v nice, like, she tries her hardest to be a good friend n everything

but she also kinda switches her personality to appeal to whoever she’s talking too ?? like she wants to be. likable. she’s not real w/ others v v often

if ur boujie yeah she’ll pretend to be boujie too

she prolly still sells fake IDs to high schoolers n some of her college peers, she has one herself n hasn’t gotten caught yet sooo

always fidgets like she can’t rly sit still often b/c she’s so nervous

is a lil bit of a stoner but i feel like u can’t ever tell tbh

a lil shy n hesitant at first i’d imagine, or maybe just always lmao

has a bit more of a personality once she sucks it up n gets closer to u but she’s always v v cautious abt befriending ppl just b/c she’s had a bad time w bullies n her one friend in life disappeared so like...bummer, y’kno?

can never say no. like, i dont think it’s in her vocabulary. she’s a yes gal.

will p much do anything u ask of her b/c she’s constantly seeking approval

can ramble a bit when she’s nervous which is always but she also apologizes like a lot.

squeaks like a mouse

present at parties but it’s always kinda like. who r u. n she has to remind everybody that she’s a sorority gal too

considers herself v v forgettable, like, just v unimportant

like she’s just rly insecure

still does computer shit n is still rly good at it but she hasn’t done anything srs w/ it so it’s just wasted potential

going to use her journalism degree to do investigative journalism and maybe escape her parents, eventually

she just. bends easily to other’s wills, y’know? she’s hashtag soft

even tho she’s like. shy n awkward n shit it doesn’t take a lot for her to like, laugh, or smile

like she tries rly hard to appear happy n an optimist n just like. unfettered

a lil plain jane we stan

i cant think of anything else but she’s. she’s a good kid

OH she’s rly good w numbers n math but like that’s abt it. she’s a whole dumbass on everything else sometimes

is bad w talking n giving advice like in person but like ?? in her column or ovr text or smth ? she’s good. she’s concise.

is a good team player/good w/ projects/etc. etc.

OH OKAY YEAH

she’s rly observant n b/c she’s a lil bit of a compulsive liar she can usually tell when ppl arent honest

depending on how close y’all r she’ll prolly crack down on ur bullshit

but she’s also timid so like who knows tbh

this isn’t a personality trait but she wears like medium hoop earrings all the time n it’s cute ok bye

OK OK LAST THING

she’s so. fucking. clumsy. she will bump into everything. she’ll bump into the air. fuck, she prolly falls over just standing straight. usually has bruises n scratches from just being a clumsy idiot

like she can b a lil ditzy y’know ?? doesn’t have much common sense, sometimes, n can b naive but idk it’s all rly dependent on her n who she’s w n just. how i end up playing her lmao

lovs vintage. is cute.

wanted connections

her roommate uwu

ppl she’s interacted w/ during her childhood !! she’s moved around a lot so like . . . . they could kno each other

mmm sorority sisters

um gimme a ride or die or like a best friend or smth PLS she needs more friends

just more friends in general. she’s awkward but she needs ‘em

?? a one night stand ?? she’s not really . . . known for hooking up w/ ppl but i think an accidental occurrence would b fun!

idk somebody for her to just. crush on from afar. prolly stutters whenever they come near or talk to her or smth

^^i mean like an unrequited crush

SOMEBODY USE HER ! RUIN HER !

FRIENDS OR FUCKING OR WHATEVER

fake friends too! use her for her ~kewl skillz~

bad influence

let her b a good influence

some kinda...skinny love idk what that means. a will they wont they. smth cute. smth pure

it’d be wild if her partner just popped up outta the blue like that b/c mari 100% thinks they were like killed by the government

ppl she gets high w n talk abt conspiracies w/ tbh

ppl she gives or has given advice to w her column pieces ! love it

idk partners in a class

enemies or smth. i want conflict.

a tutor for her dumbass

but also anybody who needs help in math? she can tutor u

idk like this we can work a lil smth smth out

i give u one penny, if u plot w me. pls. i am poor.

#uclas:intro #like if u'd like to plot w her !!#pls give her love i think i love her

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