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kenmei · 3 years

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-ˏˋ FOREVER N THEN SOME! ˊˎ-

♡ gn!reader x kozume kenma

cw: pinch of angst (to fluff !!!), romance, slice of life, crying, established relationship!au, timeskip!au

synopsis: in which he’s actually more traditional than he leads on

wc: 2000+

notes from mei!

ive had this idea rattling around my skull for the longest time

sixteen and a handshake. a standard, normal handshake, but still awkward.

you remember how his hand perfectly fit with yours—how his palms were searing hot as they met with your much colder ones.

you remember him, as a second-year, as the setter for the team you cheered for from the stands. you remember his flushed cheeks when you kissed him on the cheek for a first time, watching as his brain malfunctioned as the rosy hues on his face spread to his neck and the tips of his ears.

you remember him, as the captain, worn out and exhausted at your doorstep.

you recall how he slumped onto you, making you somewhat drag him to your room. half because he really was that tired, and half for his own amusement.

you know him. you know him a bit too well and it’s both a blessing and curse.

because you wonder if he’s finally grown out of it—of this.

looking at the empty spot beside you, you think that, perhaps, he really has—the signs are staring right at you. lately, you’ve been sleeping in a cold bed, waking up to yet again another empty penthouse as you figure he’s at the office again.

(you hope he’s at the office, at least).

texts replies are always hours apart. it seems like he’s been doubling up on streams. friday’s that have always been reserved for two since forever, have only had one person attending these past few weeks.

this is sad, your chest clenches dejectedly at yet another morning where it’s only you. looking around, a part of you wishes that kenma’s actually here, that any second now, he’s going to emerge from his game room, rubbing his eyes tiredly as he scratches his tummy.

because even if you both don’t talk as much as you used to, it’s enough for you simply when he’s present. it’s enough for you when he mutters a good morning, waddling past you to go make his coffee before sitting on the couch.

it’s enough for you when he’s here.

the absolute bare minimum can make you the happiest, but you wonder if even that is too much.

twenty-four and you’re still overthinking.

“just talk to him!” your friends say, but truly it isn’t that easy. even if you’ve both promised to be better at communicating, something about this whole situation makes communication feel so much more difficult.

“you’ve been together for so long, you both still aren’t married?” if you’re being honest, it does bother you sometimes and you wonder if maybe, you should just get on one knee instead.

but you don’t. you don’t because you and kenma already both live(d) like you’re married. you both still share(d) that dynamic of being a laid-back couple who deals with problems as they come.

you don’t think about marriage with him because it already feels right. you don’t mind not getting married and honestly, you’re pretty sure kenma isn’t that kind of guy.

you’re startled by someone poking the side of your head.

your head turns to see kenma, brows slightly furrowed as he analyzes you.

you shake your head, sitting up straight on the couch. “’what’s u—wait, aren’t you supposed to be streaming right now?”

kenma nods his head, plopping into the spot next to you. “ended early. chat was being rude today.”

your head bobs in understanding as you try to find words to piece together. he must be frustrated, you know a little bit about how difficult it can get as a streamer and you also know him, that if he doesn’t want to be near you or hear you, he simply wouldn’t be.

you smile slightly, “t—”

“why are you so tense?” he questions, leaning back. his eyes study you and you feel like hiding.

“’m not.” you defend, shrinking.

“you are.” he replies, “what’s wrong?”

you hum, grabbing a throw pillow and falling onto your side, opposite from him. “class was hard today. your paparazzi found me at the grocery store—”

“that happened last week.”

you groan, because fuck, you really can’t lie to him. he’s too good at getting you to open up, no matter how hard you resist it.

“it’s stupid.” you pout, covering your face with the pillow, already feeling your wound up emotions spiraling back up to the surface.

kenma’s hand lands on your legs, situating them over his lap. he pats the side your calves, humming. “talk to me.”

“what about you?” genuinely, you feel like right now isn’t the best time to talk about this. “you were just telling me about how your chat was being rude!”

“that can wait.” he replies, patient, like he’s always been. “something’s been bothering you, no?”

yes. you think. but i don’t wanna talk to you about it ‘cuz i’m scared.

“are you tired...” fuck, you think, because once again, he’s getting you to talk. “of—of me?”

he’s always been good at this. somehow always getting you to say whatever’s clogging up your mind. he reads you like an open book and you hate it, because even after all these years, it’s still scary.

it’s daunting, because he knows so much about you. if he wanted to, he could pick you apart all too easily, knowing exactly what buttons to push to make you break and that’s scary. it’s terrifying, even.

you feel his hand, as warm as they’ve always been, slide under the bottom of your loose pajama pants, warming up your ice cold skin.

and the feeling is weird, because you feel like you’re on fire, yet his hand is still so much warmer than you.

it’s comforting. you’ve both always been touch-starved and kenma knows this, he knows this as he traces small shapes on your calves, the hem of your pants riding up a bit.

“why would i be tired of you?” he mumbles, eyes moving to see your face is still very much covered with the pillow.

you shrug, leg twitching under his feathery touch. “you’ve been distant and stuff... i dunno.”

and it feels like he’s back at square one with you. kenma feels like an idiot for not realizing sooner, cursing himself for being so caught up with work (and something else) that he’s been neglecting you.

you’ve always been a bit of a crybaby, only him and your close friends know this.

he notes that you tend to cry even when you both have the smallest fights, and it’s something he’s used to.

so to know that you’re holding everything in, it makes his chest tighten.

“i’m sorry, angel.” he says, quiet. “work’s been busy.”

yes, work is busy. even if he finds it enjoyable, it can get taxing sometimes. but he’s also been looking around for something, something that he needs perfect.

“‘s okay.” you mumble and he knows he’s fucking up even more. “i just miss you.”

he tugs on the bottom of your shirt, “c’mere.”

you shake your head and he ponders on what to do.

because even now, even though you’ve both been together for so long that existing with the other is literally needed, there are times when you both get stuck—where existing together feels more complex than it should ever be.

“please,” he pleads softly, “i miss you.”

and if you’re not gonna come to him, he’ll come to you.

so he leans down, forcing you to hold a bit of his weight as he lays atop you. he pulls the pillow away, wiping the few tears away with his thumb.

he kisses your cheek.

twenty-four, you let yourself cry because you’ve missed him so much. seeing other in the evenings or exchanging a few short words doesn’t do it for you anymore, it never will.

another kiss, but on the other cheek. i’m sorry.

another for your forehead, then one more on your nose. i love you.

your hands cling to him and he smiles, caressing your hair. his head lays in the juncture of your neck, frequently wiping your tears with his thumb.

he makes you sit up, only because he wants to hold you.

with your back to his chest, his warm hand envelopes yours. he doesn’t make you face him, because he knows that wouldn’t make you feel comfortable.

it’s only when he hears your crying subside, that he holds your chin, making you look him in the eyes.

“are we okay?” he mumbles, his lips so close to yours you can feel his breath.

it still gets to you. he still gets to you like you’re both still teenagers; your heart thumps in your ears, body burning because fuck, he’s really close to kissing your lips.

you nod, “’m sorry. didn’t wanna talk to you ‘cuz i was scared.”

his lips slot against yours and it’s gentle, your mind becomes fuzzy with a warmth only kenma can provide you. he chuckles when he pulls away, your lips chasing his.

“don’t worry about that,” he says softly, “i might’ve accidentally made it harder to approach me.”

you shake your head. “thought it was just my overthinking.” you fiddle with your fingers, “i didn’t wanna make a big deal out of it.”

“next time,” he says, “make a big deal out of it. you gotta talk to me, angel.”

you whine, feeling embarrassed because you’ve gotten this lecture from him so many times.

kenma sighs against your skin, wondering if now is the right time. it feels like a good time, but he doesn’t want to waste a special moment because of a good feeling.

“what’s wrong, ken?” you ask, tilting your head back onto his shoulder.

your eyes are red, you’re still sniffling every now and then.

he smiles, hand travelling to his pocket as he pulls out the ring, holding it in front of you. “this is why i was so busy. t—the box is in my gaming room, though, fuck—”

“is that—”

“w—wanna get married, y/n?” his whole face is red. you giggle at his shaking hand as you hold out your own (shaking) hand.

“yeah. i really wanna.”

and you’re crying again as he slips the ring on your finger. the diamonds sparkles at you and you can’t help but fawn over the ring as you sob.

“crybaby.” he mumbles, kissing your cheek. he nuzzles into your neck, arms wrapped tightly around your midsection. “i love you.”

and it’s here you realize that kenma is a lot more traditional than you thought. memories flood in of him always getting you to watch the first snow with him through his window, forcing you under the kotatsu with him as he shows you a new game he started playing.

eighteen. for your two year anniversary, he took you to a place with love locks. signing one off with you before throwing the key god knows where. and you remember thinking it’s weird, because the month before that, he was telling you stuff like that is kinda phony.

nineteen. you recall him grumbling about getting into a yukata for the festival, but grumbling even more when you gave in and said you’d both attend in normal clothing, because he’s already halfway in the yukata, why would he change? (he just wanted to wear one with you).

twenty-two. his persistence to keep you awake to watch the sun rise on new years.

you realize kenma follows traditions more than you do and you chuckle.

giggling, you hold your hand out where the diamonds on your left ring finger shine happily, tilting your head to kiss him yet another time.

“i love you.”

change. you know your daily lives aren’t going to be much different, but you both like how your last name will be the same as his.

twenty-four. he proposes to you so casually that some might find it weird. but you both aren’t ones for big gestures. you know kenma loves you, it’s in the way he moves your hair out of your face as he asks you if he can still make it up to you.

and he knows you love him, when you laugh and tell him he already has—when you intertwine your fingers with his and kiss the top of his hand, kenma knows and you know, too.

forever it is.

324 notes · View notes

nyctophilin · 4 years

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Fake Affection | IV

Chapter I, Chapter II, Chapter III, Chapter IV, Epilogue

Description: Han Jisung has been rejected by the girl he likes one to many times. He decides that he has had enough and is set on making her want him back. What could possibly make her want him more than seeing him with her rival after she boldly assumed he can’t find anyone better. That way Jisung and Y/N are stuck in a fake relationship until Jisung’s crush falls for him. Or he falls for someone else.

Pairing: Han x fem!Reader, Hyunjin x fem!Reader

Word count: 7.6k

Genre: College!AU, Fake dating!AU, Angst, Fluff, Smut

Warnings: swearing, mild description of wounds, dom!jisung, oral(F), fingering, protected penetration, heartbreak

A/N: This got so long, Jesus! Once again I am really sorry for not posting this on time. Thank you for understanding! I’m not going to say much about this chapter. But here’s a fun fact. I wrote the smut part last. Literally, everything that happens after the smut part was written before the actual smut. Just enjoy it! Feedback is not an option anymore!!! If you read the whole story you are forced to give me feedback. Please! I really want to know what y’all think about THIS chapter.

“Stay still!” Y/N murmured, tapping the cotton pad on Jisung’s busted lip.

It had been around ten to fifteen minutes since Jisung decided that it was a good idea to engage in a fistfight with Hyunjin. After her ‘boyfriend’ landed the first punch everything escalated in a full-on fight where, unfortunately for him, he was the loser. Not only was Hyunjin taller than him, but he also turned out to be a lot stronger and faster, barely giving Jisung time to fight back.

He did manage to hit the taller man a few times but he got hit three times more. They finally got separated when a group of male students passed in the hallway and Y/N begged them to help her stop the two. That way they took Hyunjin away and she dragged Jisung outside to the back of the university, to the same bench they sat on a few weeks back.

“I can’t. It stings!” He once again jerked his head away when the rubbing alcohol made contact with his fresh wound.

“Then you shouldn’t have fought!” Y/N held back the urge to shove him. He was injured enough. “Why did you even hit him in the first place?” The question that bugged her since he threw the first punch was finally out.

Jisung grabbed her hand, stopping her from disinfecting his wounds further. Exhaling noisily he looked her in the eyes, an uncharacteristic seriousness present in them. Y/N looked back at him with expectant eyes.

“You were in front of the window over the bench we sat at. Mina and the others saw when Hyunjin hugged you. I felt like doing that would make our relationship look more realistic and show that I’m a great boyfriend.” The confidence with which he said those words made her let out an incredulous laugh.

“What?” Narrowing her eyes she tilted her head to the side.

“What kind of a boyfriend would let another man console his girlfriend? I had to show her that I’m possessive and I don’t like sharing what’s mine.”

Unable to control herself anymore she shove him hard and the man let out a wince. Y/N got up from the bench and took two steps away, trying to calm herself down.

“Mina, Mina, Mina! This is all you talk about!” Her voice was calm but her tone was stern.

Jisung couldn’t see her face but he already knew how she looked.

“I’m confused. Isn’t this whole thing about..”

“IT’S NOT! It’s so not!” She burst, turning towards him abruptly.

“How is it not?” The boy looked genuinely confused and that stirred Y/N on even more.

“Are you serious now?” Jisung opened his mouth, as if he wanted to say something, but closed it after taking a moment to think. “It is not, because it wasn’t her ass that you groped. It is not, because it wasn’t her chest that you touched. And it is definitely not, because it wasn’t a line that she drew that you crossed. This whole incident wasn’t about Mina and would not be even in a thousand years.” Her tone became harsher with each word she let out, turning into full-on screaming by the end.

Y/N ran a hand through her hair trying to contain herself. She could not believe what just happened. The fact that he was confused as to why she was mad didn’t help her disposition at all.

Jisung was watching her mannerism with blown pupils. He has never seen her this mad. She scared him in a way he could not explain. Maybe it was the fact that he just got beaten up and in her state, she could easily land him some punches that he was bound to remember. However, he had a very unsettling feeling running through him at the moment.

“I never thought it would be such a big deal.” He let out but immediately regretted his words as he saw her lift her eyebrow.

Letting out a breath and crossing her arms under her chest she fixed him with her eyes. In a voice that was so calm, it made the hair on Jisung’s neck to stand on end, she started talking.

“Do you remember when you kept me awake until 1 AM to talk about the ‘Terms and Conditions’ of this whole fake dating thing we are doing? Do you remember how you made me agree to so many stupid things that we were supposed to do? I had one condition. Only one! Can you tell me what it was?” A smile so fake on her face, even someone from the other end of the university could tell it wasn’t honest.

Jisung swallowed the lump in his throat, moving his gaze on the ground. He did not dare look her in the eyes anymore. Letting his tongue wet his bottom lip he opened his mouth to speak.

“Don’t touch you.” He sounded embarrassed and ashamed and that pleased Y/N.

“Exactly! I agreed to kissing, I agreed to hugging, I agreed to sitting in your lap if the situation asks for it. I only asked you not to touch me in any inappropriate way.” She took a short break to breath. “If I remember correctly when I told you that you texted me back ‘As if.’. What happened? Did I suddenly become worth fucking?”

Jisung’s eyes widened at her words, the unsettling feeling from earlier growing. He could not explain to himself why he was feeling that way. Was it because of the way she was acting or because his behaviour pushed her to act like that?

“What? No! It’s just…”

“Just what?” She yelled, interrupting him.

The man bit his bottom lip and slowly raised his eyes to look at her.

“I thought we were becoming closer, like friends. I didn’t think it was going to bother you so much.” In all honesty, he didn’t think much before acting.

He wasn’t sure why he did it in the first place. Maybe it was the fact that Mina was watching and he wanted to make her remember what she was missing out on. Or maybe it was the way Jay would look at Y/N every time the smallest gust of wind would make her skirt slightly flutter. He wanted to force himself to believe it was the first option, but deep down he knew he was lying to himself.

“You are fucking right! We were becoming close. Compared to what I was thinking about you when I first accepted this deal, I really started to think that you were a nice and funny guy to be around. But you know what? Scrap that! You proved to be the asshole I always thought you were.” She let her head fall back as a headache started setting in. Letting out a frustrated moan she brought her head back up looking at Jisung.

“And don’t even get me started about how upset I am that you punched Hyunjin. He was just trying to make me feel better after what you did. What is this going to do to your friendship?”

“It will definitely be awkward when we’ll see each other at home.” Jisung murmured more to himself than to her.

Y/N’s eyes widened in surprise. Taking big steps, she closed the space between them grabbing the boy by the collar. The man froze, stunned by her action. Bringing their faces close, she looked at him with demanding eyes.

“You are roommates?” Her voice bewildered, as her eyes travelled to every part of his face.

Jisung nodded slowly, swallowing the lump in his throat. She pushed him against the back of the bench, knocking the air out of him. Her hand shot where her back was resting next to him and in a swift motion, she swung it over her shoulder. Taking a few steps away she turned around and looked at him with accusing eyes.

“I can’t believe you risked your friendship with Hyunjin for..for. For a bitch who you are not even sure likes you back! How stupid are you? Do you want to know what you showed her today? You showed her that you are a nymphomaniac and a bogeyman.”

Y/N ran her hand through her hair, annoyance pumping through her veins. She could not believe the audacity the man in front of her had. Sucking in a sharp breath, she continued talking.

“Right now I should be with Hyunjin, not with you. He actually cares about my feelings. I should be there to nurse his wounds and thank him for caring enough to start a fight with your sorry ass. You don’t deserve me and my help! I should just leave and never see you again. Leave you to deal with your little crush by yourself but compared to you I actually care about other people. It’s so pathetic how after a year and a half you couldn’t make her your official girlfriend so I’m giving you another week. If by next Wednesday she didn’t fall head over heels for you, I’m out!”

Looking for her phone in her bag, she took it out when she found it and dialled someone. Turning on her heels, she left Jisung alone on the bench. Following Y/N with his eyes, his heart sank when he heard the worried tone she used when calling Hyunjin’s name.

Jisung remained sprawled on the bench from the way she pushed him and a deep sight left his chest. He had fucked up big time and he wasn’t sure if he could do anything to fix things.

The man couldn’t help the feeling of jealousy that settled inside him when he remembered that she was on her way to see Hyunjin. She was supposed to stay with him. She was his girlfriend. Y/N was his girlfriend.

He repeated that to himself for a few minutes knowing full well that it wasn’t true. They weren’t together. It was all just a game.

Y/N watched him with attentive eyes as the spoon disappeared inside his mouth and his Adam’s apple bobbed when he swallowed the soup. His face contorted in discomfort when the spoon touched the corner of his mouth that was cut. One of her hands instantly gripped his bicep while the other was awkwardly moving in front of him with no exact destination.

Hyunjin held her hand and carefully placed it on the table, not letting it go. With a bright smile, he rubbed his thumb over her knuckles.

“I’m fine, Y/N! Please, don’t worry. Eat or you’ll starve.” His voice was soft and loving, trying to show the girl that he was truly okay.

Minho watched the scene unfold in front of him and a scoff left his lips. Besides that little cut in the corner of his mouth and a bruise on his neck, the man looked as good as new. He didn’t need the babying the girl was giving him.

Shifting his eyes to Jisung, he felt an uncomfortable shiver run through him. The man had his lip busted in two places, a bruise under his eye and on his jaw and he had a cut on his forehead. And that was all only on his face. God knows what was hiding under his clothes. Hyunjin really didn’t hold back.

Looking down at his tray, Jisung only had a protein shake that he brought from home on it. He was most probably unable to chew things properly thanks to the wounds on his mouth. He was sipping from the shake while watching with sad eyes how his girlfriend was almost glued to Hyunjin, making sure that he’s as comfortable as he can be. Minho was looking at him with pitiful eyes.

“Jisung is more hurt, but I guess it doesn’t matter.” He muttered to himself, giving Y/N side-eyes.

In an instant, the girl’s eyes were fixed on him, a cold look plastered on her face. He felt his bones freeze inside himself, and embarrassment washed over him when he realised how scared he got.

Y/N moved her eyes between Minho and Jisung before finally rolling them and shifting her attention back on Hyunjin.

“Jisung is a big man that makes his own decisions. I’m sure that when he started the fight he thought of the possibility of getting beaten. Now he has to endure the consequences of his actions.” She said, finally taking a bite out of her sandwich.

“That doesn’t change the fact that he was the one that got hurt more. You as his girlfriend should be caring about him, not about the guy that put him in this state.” Minho said feeling the bit of confidence he had in him leave his body once her eyes darkened with rage.

“I don’t know if you knew that, but Jisung knows how to handle himself. Look at how well he’s handling this relationship!” Sarcasm dripped off her tongue showing Minho there were parts to the story he wasn’t aware of.

A heavy silence fell upon the table after she spoke and no one dared to say anything for a couple of minutes. The only sounds were coming from the cutlery hitting the plates and bowls. Chan finally let out a sigh attracting the attention of a few people.

“Maybe he had his reasons to start that fight.”

The older man tried resonating with her. All they knew about the situation was what Jeongin had told them. Y/N got really mad after Jisung touched certain parts of her body and she left them, Hyunjin close behind her probably wanting to console her. He agreed that Jisung had absolutely no business starting a fight after what he had done, but he was his friend and he felt obliged to take his side.

Silence. For a minute Chan thought she wouldn’t answer him.

“Oh, he did. I know his reasons and I can assure you they were all shit. He has absolutely no justification for what he did.” Voice calm while looking the older male in the eyes.

“They were still reasons..!” Felix said in a careful tone.

She rolled her eyes exasperated. Who the fuck did they think they were questioning her like that. Is not like she was mad for no reason.

Letting the sandwich fall into the plate, she got up and swung her bag over her shoulder.

“I have something to prepare for Miss. Park’s class. Jeongin, I will see you later to go to rehearsals, okay?” The man nodded in her direction and she got out of her seat, taking a few steps away from the table.

Abruptly stopping in her track she let out a sigh. They were right. She wasn’t like that. She was way better than that. Just because he was an asshole didn’t mean she had to be one as well.

Turning towards the table, she walked behind Jisung’s chair. Resting her palms on his shoulders she bent down carefully placing a kiss on his bruised cheek.

Jisung jumped slightly at the contact, taken aback by the sudden proximity. His cheeks became a faint rosy colour and he felt a knot forming in his stomach.

“Make sure to disinfect your wounds when you get home, okay?” She whispered in his ear, her voice soft and he nodded slowly. He didn’t dare turn his head around to look at her.

“Take care!”

She straightened her back, but not before placing another kiss to his cheek. Waving her hand to the other people, she finally made her way to the double doors of the cafeteria, leaving the room.

“God, this movie is so boring!” She exclaimed in the empty room.

Y/N was currently sprawled on the couch in her living room watching some film Hayoon recommended to her. It was another Friday night without any plans to go out so she ordered some pizza, bought some snacks on her way home from university and opened a bottle of wine some of her friends gifted her a few months back.

She wasn’t big on alcohol. In fact, she hated consuming alcoholic drinks but if that was going to help her with her boring night, she was more than willing to endure the sickening taste.

Covered with a blanket pulled up to her neck, Y/N felt the heat suffocate her in a comfortable sort of way. She almost felt annoyed when she heard the familiar ring of her phone indicating she got a message.

Letting one of her arms escape the confines of the blanket she shivered slightly when the cold air hit her skin. Grabbing her phone from the coffee table she brought it close to her eyes reading the notification on the screen. ‘Jisung has sent you a message’ Y/N rolled her eyes wondering why he couldn’t let her alone on weekends.

[Jisung,22:48]A guy from my major is hosting a party tomorrow night. Come with me?

Y/N read the message a few times before scoffing. Was he really inviting her to some lame college party where people were only going to drink and have sex?

[Y/N,22:50]Parties aren’t really my thing…

She really hoped he wouldn’t push the subject further. Every time she went to a party she ended up looking for her friends, that weren’t engaging in the most Christian of activities, everywhere to take them home. She had to drive each and every one of them home and help them walk into their bedrooms resulting in her arriving home two hours later than intended.

If that was not happening then she had to endure the advances of drunk boys and girls and protect herself from getting groped or rubbed on. That was the last thing she needed to end a week that was already shitty.

Another ringing indicated she received a response.

[Jisung,22:51]Mina is going to be there. We’ve been texting the last couple of days and I think she might finally accept to be my girlfriend if I ask her tomorrow night.

Y/N let her head fall on the arm of the sofa, a groan leaving her mouth. Receiving that message only meant she had to go. That might be his only chance to make a move on Mina until Wednesday when the whole fake dating thing was going to end.

Then out of nowhere, a thought hit her and she started typing on her phone.

[Y/N,22:52]Then why do you need me there?

If Jisung was going to make a move on Mina wouldn’t it be smarter for him not to want his so-called girlfriend there? Wasn’t she going to be an obstacle withs so many people that were aware they were dating around? Wouldn’t Mina be hesitant in accepting his advances if she was there?

Y/N laughed loudly at her own thoughts. Of course, Mina wouldn’t care. She’s been actively trying to ‘seduce’ Jisung since their not so unexpected encounter at the outdoor cinema two weeks prior. Still, she was confused. How possibly can she be of help in that situation?

She unlocked her phone upon hearing the familiar ring and read the message.

[Jisung,22:54]Make her more jealous. The chances of her accepting my proposal are bigger if she sees me with you.

[Y/N,22:54]Okay, fine. Text me the address and I’ll be there.

She locked her phone and placed it back on the coffee table. Her phone went off a little bit later indicating that he responded but she didn't care enough at the moment to check. Wrapping the blanket around herself again, she continued to watch the movie that wasn’t paused during her talk with Jisung.

“Oh my God, I should have asked him for more details!” She screamed a few minutes later when the movie got particularly boring.

The moment she stepped out of the elevator loud music invaded her eardrums. Even if Jisung wouldn’t have told her the number of the apartment, she would have been able to find it. The door was wide open, coloured lasers getting out of the room and falling on the carpet of the hallway.

Numerous people were scattered all over the hallway, drinks in hand and Y/N was wondering if the guy that was hosting the party was the only one who lived on that floor. How was no one disturbed by the vibrant music and chatter of the dozens of students?

When she came close to the door of the apartment a strong smell of alcohol hit her nose and she felt her insides turn upside down. This wasn’t going to be a fun night for her at all. She could sense it.

Stepping inside the apartment she was met with the faces of some people she knew visually from university but most people there were strangers. Checking her phone to see if Jisung responded to her message she exhaled angrily when she noticed that he hadn't even seen it yet. This was absolutely great. She was in a house full of horny drunk young adults with absolutely no one familiar around her.

‘I’ll take a look around until he responds.’ she thought to herself. Maybe that way she will be able to find someone she knew. If Jisung was there, his friends were most probably there as well.

The apartment was fairly big for someone who was supposed to live alone. A big living room, a separate office, a big bathroom, a bedroom which she thankfully didn't manage to see, loud female moans alerting her to stay away if she didn’t want to see live porn, and a big kitchen.

Stepping inside the almost deserted kitchen, she leaned over the island and placed her elbows on the cold surface. She was scanning the drink choices the host had displayed on the counters and disappointedly noticed how none of them was missing alcohol from their ingredients.

“Can I offer you a drink babe?” A voice suddenly whispered in her ear.

Her eyes went wide and all her senses heightened. Y/N almost fell down when she abruptly turned around but the owner of the voice secured a strong arm around her waist. A cheerful laugh she knew far too well filled her ears and she angrily hit Hyunjins chest, who only started laughing harder at her action.

“You scared the shit out of me, you asshole!” She yelled over the loud music wanting to get out of his grip but he didn’t allow her.

“That was the whole point.” The man chirped happily, knowing that his little prank worked.

Y/N rolled her eyes at his childish attitude and slightly pushed his chest. Looking away from him to hide her smile, her gaze fell upon the other two people in the room. Insistently staring at her, they were whispering between themselves. She recognised them as being from Jisung’s Major. Their eyes were burning holes into her head and she awkwardly got away from Hyunjin’s embrace. What was up with them?

“Seriously now. Can I offer you a drink?”

“I don’t drink.” Came her short answer that left the boy surprised.

“I don’t want to sound rude, but why did you come then?”

“Jisung invited me. Speaking of him, have you seen him around?”

Hyunjin’s expression turned into an apologetic one before nodding his head. Y/N threw him a questioning look signalling him to continue and the man chewed on his bottom lip before letting out a long sigh.

“He’s with Mina somewhere around here.” Y/N’s expression brightened involuntarily before quickly going back to a neutral one.

This must have been the reason the two boys were staring at her so insistently.

“Oh.. Well then, do you want to talk?”

“I really missed you! It was so lonely without you this past month.” Mina yelled over the loud music and Jisung swore he almost went deaf.

He was currently leaning against a wall with Mina pressed against him. Her palms were pressed on the wall behind him, breasts pushed against his chest and one of her legs between his, teasingly close to his crotch. At that moment Jisung could think of only one word to describe her.

Annoying.

She was so annoying. He noticed this ever since they started texting again a couple of days ago. She was mean, self-centred and really vulgar. The jokes he used to laugh at were not funny anymore, seeming more like straight-up bullying. She was talking about herself so much. Every time he said something about himself she would brush it off and go back to talking about herself. And when reminiscing the ‘good old times’ she would bring up only their sex life.

Looking back at the year and a half he has liked her, Jisung could not explain to himself why that happened. There was really no reason to like her platonically, let alone romantically.

“Really?” He asked, trying to seem interested in whatever she was saying.

“Aham. There wasn’t really anyone able to satisfy me the way you did.” She winked at him and Jisung held back a grimace.

Was that supposed to make him feel flattered? He felt like it should have, but for some odd reason, he only felt disgusted by the information. Was she really incapable of having a conversation without mentioning sex at least once?

Averting his eyes from her, Jisung’s gaze landed on the pair sitting on the couch for the nth time that night. Y/N was lying against the back of the couch and Hyunjin was leaning towards her, whispering things in her ear that made her giggle. Jisung couldn’t hear her, but he bet she sounded so cute at that moment. And all because of Hyunjin.

For the past few weeks, he has been feeling really weird around Y/N. His stomach full of butterflies, face covered in pink, the desire to hold her hand and rage filling him every time he’ll see her with Hyunjin or Jeongin. And that was exactly what he was feeling at that moment.

Jisung has recently accepted that he has a crush on the girl. He thought of it a few times before, but somehow his mind would wander back to Mina and he would dismiss such a possibility. However, at that moment looking at how Hyunjin was so close to her, he was certain about his feelings.

As if they have talked about it beforehand, Hyunjin’s hands rested on Y/N’s thigh at the same time Mina pressed her knee against Jisung’s crotch and he felt something inside himself shift. Carefully pushing Mina away from him as to not hurt her and murmuring an apology he made his way to the couch. He didn’t know what he was going to say. He just knew he had to take her away from him.

Y/N’s eyes looked up at him and a smile appeared on her lips. Hyunjin’s gaze followed hers and he retracted his hand from her leg upon laying his eyes on Jisung. He felt a small weight being lifted from his chest as Hyunjin’s hand left her body.

“Y/N, can we talk?” He yelled over the music, making sure she hears him.

Yes, that was a good idea. They were supposed to be a couple. There was nothing weird in wanting to talk.

Her head fell to the side and her brow raised in confusion. Looking at Hyunjin, he gave her an awkward smile.

“Sure. What is it?”

“Not here. Let’s go somewhere quieter.”

She threw Hyunjin one last look before sighing and getting up from the couch. When Y/N got next to Jisung, he held her hand and intertwined their fingers together. The man was leading her out of the apartment. They walked down the hallway in silence until they reached the door at the end of the corridor.

Jisung pressed the handle pulling the door open and Y/N’s eyes widened in shock.

“Jisung, wait! What are you doing?” She pulled his hand, stopping him from entering the apartment.

“Don’t worry. I and Hyunjin live here as well. This is our apartment.”

She calmed down at his words and let the man pull her inside. Once inside, she took a few steps away from the door looking at the way their apartment was furnished. Hearing the door close behind her with a small thud.

“So...is this the part where you break up with me because you and Mina are so in love with each other?” She chuckled and turned to look at him but was met with serious eyes scanning her up and down.

“Hey, is everything okay?”

“Let’s date! For real this time.” He said in a pleading tone coming closer to her.

Y/N’s eyes widened and she took a few steps back, startled by the man’s sudden demand. She studied his face for a few seconds looking for a sign, anything, to tell her he was joking but his expression remained unchanged. She gulped visibly and gathered her courage to speak.

“W-what?” Y/N stumbled over her words letting her nervousness show.

Jisung came closer to her, putting his hands on her arms, holding her in place. She didn’t back away this time, letting the boy come as close as he wanted.

“Over the last few days, I realised that I don’t love Mina like I thought I did. I guess I was confused. She was the first girl that approached me when I entered university and immediately after we started hooking up regularly. I never interacted with other girls with the intention of dating them and I didn’t realise what a bad person she was. I don’t want to date her. I want to date you!”

His eyes were staring into hers with a newfound sincerity. Y/N was taken aback by his words and didn’t know if she should believe him or not.

Leaning her head towards him, she sniffed loudly making Jisung pull his head back, his brows furrowing in confusion.

“What a-”

“Are you drunk? I can’t smell alcohol coming from you though.” Y/N said inching her head even closer to his and taking another sniff.

The man was dumbfounded by her question. This is not what he expected.

“I haven’t had alcohol in a month.”

Her expression turned into one of realisation and a sympathetic smile appeared on her face. Jisung smiled back at her, relieved that she finally understood him.

“Did Mina reject you? This is why you suddenly want to date me? Listen Jisung, I unders…”

“Damn it, I love you Y/N!” He cut her off, cupping her face with his hands and pressing their lips together.

His sudden confession made Y/N freeze. For a moment she lost sense of reality and couldn’t think straight.

When she regained her composure she had the urge to push him away but as his tongue was exploring her mouth she found herself unable to. Instead, she wrapped her arms around his neck and melted into the kiss, savouring his taste.

Their lips were moving against each other in perfect unity and the kiss wasn’t too slow or too rushed. Jisung started walking, forcing Y/N to move backwards until they reached the living room.

Without breaking the kiss he crouched down and placed his hand on the back of her thighs. Taking the hint, she jumped lightly and let Jisung put her legs around his waist. Carrying her as if she weighed nothing, he walked into what she assumed was his bedroom and carefully placed her on the bed.

Jisung broke the kiss, a single strand of saliva still connecting them. In a swift motion, he took off his hoodie revealing his surprisingly well-built body to her. Pushing her back against the mattress, he used one hand to prop himself up hovering over her and the other one snaked around her waist keeping her flush against him.

Peppering light kisses from her ear to her jawline he let his teeth sink softly in her delicate skin. His mouth was sucking on the sensitive skin while the hand around her waist went further down, groping her cheek and squeezing.

A gasp left her mouth at the stimulation and Jisung felt his shaft twitch inside the confines of his black jeans. Moving his hand from her arse to the front of her pants, he unbuttoned her pants and slid the zipper down with a quiet noise.

Kissing and nibbling on her neck to distract her, Jisung slid his hand inside her pants brushing it over her clothed slit, not touching her properly yet. Y/N whined louder than he expected her to and bucked her hips up, connecting her heat with his hand.

Smirking against her neck, he let his palm rub her, ripping a series of quiet moans from her. Getting his tongue out and leaving a wet trail from her neck to her ear, he bit her earlobe.

“Want me to touch you, princess?” Whispering hoarsely into her ear, he moved her underwear to the side, tracing the outside of her heat.

“Yes Jisung, please!” Her loud voice strained.

Jisung hummed, satisfied with the response and connected his lips with hers again. The kiss was slow and passionate but his wounded lips were rough against hers.

Hooking his thumbs in the hem of her panties, he slid them down taking her pants off at the same time. Letting his middle finger explore her pussy, he sank his teeth into her bottom lip softly when he felt how wet she already was. Sliding a single finger in with ease, Jisung started pumping it in a steady rhythm.

Adding another finger, shortly after he felt Y/N tighten around him and he twitched again at the thought of her pussy around his dick. He increased the speed of his fingers forcing her to moan louder. Soon the room was filled with moaning and squelching sounds.

Breaking the kiss and licking his lips, he connected his nose to her skin dragging it down his body until it touched her pubic bone. The faint touch of his nose tickled her and she chuckled between breathy moans.

Connecting his eyes with her pussy for the first time he felt his mouth water at how wet she was. Without losing any more time Jisung dove in placing an open-mouthed kiss on her clit. He groaned lowly against her slit sending vibrations through her body. Y/N whined and threw her head back at the unexpected stimulation, bucking her hips up against his face.

Jisung was running his tongue through her labia, lapping at her sweetness while moving his fingers restlessly. He curled his fingers upwards inside her and flicked her clit with his tongue.

“F-fuck...Jisung!” She cried out fingers instantly tangling in his brown locks.

Jisung took it as a sign to increase his speed, fingers curling up from time to time and tongue abusing her sensitive bud.

Y/N felt the knot in her stomach become impossibly tight and she tried to no avail to push the man away from her. She finally felt the tension inside her unwind and a world wrecking orgasm hit her, a string of curses and moans erupting from her throat.

Jisung continued to move his fingers inside her for a bit, helping her ride out her high. When Y/N calmed down he took his fingers out of her and watched in awe as her juices entirely coated them.

Shoving his fingers inside his mouth and licking them clean, he got up from the bed and walked up to his desk. Opening the bottom drawer and rummaging through it he pulled out a silver package.

Y/N was watching him through hooded eyes still swimming in the aftermath of her orgasm. On his way back to the bed he took the liberty to take the rest of his clothes off, remaining completely bare in front of him. Y/N gulped visibly when she noticed his cock standing tall against his abs, the tip slightly curved red and leaking precum. She squeezed her thighs together, the need to be filled again unbearable.

Jisung climbed into the bed and captured her lips into a short kiss. Y/N could taste herself on his lips and she gasped.

Ripping the package of the condom open he rolled it on his length. Jisung spread Y/N’s legs and forced them to wrap around his waist.

With one hand he was holding hers, fingers intertwined and squeezing lightly and the other one was on his cock holding it next to her opening. Jisung stared into her eyes to find any form of restrain and when he found none he pushed inside slowly.

Both of them moaned loudly as he entered her, walls stretching around his rigid length. At that moment all Jisung could think about was how much more better Y/N felt around him than he imagined.

A strand of light made its way between the light curtains in Jisung’s room and fell over the bed, tickling his arm where it touched it. A raspy hum left his mouth and he turned to face the other way from the window, throwing his arm on the other side of the bed with the intention to snake it around Y/N’s waist. The only problem was that she wasn’t on the other side of the bed and the sheets were cold, signalling that she was gone for at least some time.

He lazily opened his eyes and scanned the room for any signs that she was around but there were none. Turning his head to look at the digital clock on the nightstand, big bolded numbers read 13:34. It was already afternoon. Maybe she got up and was in the kitchen or the living room.

Groaning loudly, Jisung got up from the bed and stretched his stiff limbs. Dragging his feet against the floor lazily he made his way into the living room only to find it empty as well.

‘Maybe in the kitchen.’ he thought to himself. Jisung walked the small distance between the living room and the kitchen, hope filling his heart, only for it to be gone when he found it the same way they left it the night before, not even a speck of dust moved from its previous position.

Making his way to the table in the middle of the room, he placed his elbow on it and rested his head in his palm, an elongated sigh leaving his chest. Did Y/N really leave him? After everything that happened?

Then, out of nowhere, something in his brain sparked and he remembered that Sundays she usually met up with Jeongin to practice the script. This must have been the reason she was not there. She wouldn’t leave him after what they did the previous night.

Jisung’s face brightened at the memory of her underneath him. The way they loved each other with so much passion and desire. He could feel it. It wasn’t just plain fucking like he used to do with Mina. Last night he made love to her for the first time in his life.

An involuntary smile crept on his face. He could not believe it was real. Falling in love with someone that also likes you after so many failed attempts to find love. It felt almost too good to be true.

As he was sitting there, fantasising about his relationship with Y/N, the apartment door swung open and a cheerful Hyunjin entered, humming a bright melody. Jisung ignored his roommate, too caught up in his daydreaming to care about his presence.

When Hyunjin noticed Jisung sitting at the table his smile widened even more. With big steps, he reached the other man and pulled him into a chokehold ruffling his hair with his fist.

“Jisung, you big tut! Really made me think that our friendship might be over.” Hyunjin chirped happily, letting the other man, who was struggling in his grasp, go.

“Yo, what the fuck? What are you talking about?” Jisung snapped at the taller man the moment he was free.

“Why haven’t you told me that you and Y/N were just fake dating. I wouldn’t have given you such a hard time. But then again, I guess it made the whole thing more realistic.”

Jisung stopped in his track at Hyunjin’s words and a confused expression adorned his face.

“How do you know that?”

“I met up with Y/N today. She told me everything before she confessed to me. Damn, and I wanted to be the on..”

“Wait, slow down! What do you mean she confessed to you?” His eyes narrowed and suspicion was growing inside of him.

Was Hyunjin lying to him? Did he want to tease him for having to resort to fake dating to try and win Mina? It was impossible for Y/N to have confessed to Hyunjin. She liked him.

“Y/N confessed to me when we met today. She said that she liked me since last year but didn’t have the courage to come talk to me. Isn’t that crazy? How we both liked each other but never talked?” Hyunjin continued rambling on about his crush on Y/N but Jisung couldn’t hear him.

All sorts of thoughts ran through his mind at the moment but he couldn’t organise them. Jisung could feel his heartbeat inside his head and a loud ringing in his left ear. He was so disoriented at that moment. Was it real? Did Y/N really confess to Hyunjin? He hoped that any moment now he would wake up next to her in his bed and discover that he was having a nightmare and that what was happening was not real.

“If you stay and think about it, we wouldn’t be together now if it weren’t for you asking her to fake date. I should thank you, shouldn’t I?” The man chuckled but was soon cut off by Jisung, who grabbed him by the collar and harshly pushed him against the table.

Hyunjin’s pupils were blown from the shock. Looking down at Jisung he noticed his darkened and angry gaze and he could not understand what caused that.

“Don’t you thank me! Don't you ever give me credit for bringing you two together.” He yelled in the other man’s face.

He paused for a moment to make holes through Hyunjin’s head with his eyes and clenched his jaw. Giving his roommate a last hard push that caused the table to move from its place, he turned around and stormed into his room slamming the door shut.

Jisung’s blood was boiling. He didn’t know what to do at that moment to calm himself down. Y/N hadn’t left because she was busy with the movie. She left to meet with Hyunjin. Because she didn’t like him back.

In a spurt of anger, he ripped the blanket from the bed throwing it on the other part of the room. Looking back at the bed, the place where he proved his love to her, he noticed a neatly folded paper resting in the middle of it. How hadn’t he noticed it earlier?

He bent down to pick it up from the bed and carefully unfolded it to start reading what was written on it.

“Dear Jisung,

It’s me, Y/N, but you probably know that already. I’m writing you this because I won’t be here when you wake up.

What happened last night was a mistake on my part. Maybe ‘mistake’ is not exactly the right word to use. I don’t regret what happened between us last night. You are a nice and smart guy and I had a lot of fun with you the past few weeks, ignoring your fight with Hyunjin. This is why I feel like I took advantage of your feelings for me.

I don’t feel the same about you… I’m really sorry! I should have pushed you away when you kissed me. I don’t know why I didn’t. Probably because I haven’t had sex in so long. I feel like I gave you fake hope by doing that and I’m so sorry.

All this time, the whole fake dating thing was exactly that for me. Fake dating. If some of my actions made you think I might be returning your feelings, I’m really sorry!

I did start liking you a lot in the past weeks but not in the way you would like me to… I really hope we can still be friends but if not, I would not blame you.

I’m really bad at this kind of things. I hope my feelings managed to reach you through this letter. See you at school on Monday if you still want to be friends.

Another thing. I’m going to confess to Hyunjin and tell him about our fake dating today. I was already scheduled to meet him today to talk about that since last night at the party. I felt like I should let you know.

And If I do end up dating him, like I want to, I hope you will be okay with that.

Take care of yourself!

Much love,

Y/N”

Jisung lowered his hand and let it dangle next to his body. Letting the letter fall from his hand and hit the floor, a maniacal laugh left him.

“Of course she doesn’t like me back. This is what I get for choosing an actress as my fake girlfriend. This was just another job for her.”

In his mad chase to get Mina, he hasn’t realised that he was losing what was next to him. But maybe Y/N wasn’t ever his. After all, all the love and affection she showed him was fake.

And like a fool, he fell for her fake affection.

Taglist: @qxkwu , @hoodlesspizza, @avisahoe, @just-let-me-go-sweetheart, @hyunooh, @iluvlix, @hwangful(send an ✨ to be added to the Fake Affection taglist, even though there’s only the epilogue left.)

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karamazovdmitri · 3 years

Note

What Russian movies would you recommend?

oh my god where to even start!! i really love soviet cinema so this is most of what i will suggest probably (im kind of meh on most recent mainstream russian cinema, even tho it has great pieces of guilty pleasure movies lmao) alright so settle in well okay lets start with the classics: andrei tarkovsky is my favorite filmmaker, literally anything and everything by him (just dont watch nostalghia first, but i highly recommend the mirror, stalker, solaris if you like SF, or hell even andrei rublev if thats your jam bc personally it is and i LOVED), very contemplative and slow movies though, like. you will need patience to get through his stuff, but personally i always say it feels like someone recorded a dream and you're watching that. it feels really oniric and its like you dont exactly grasp it all and when you try to explain it you cant really but good god its good

then! i will recommend one of my all-time favorite movies, and i mean it, of ALL times, the ascent by larisa shepitko. its about two soldiers during wwii who are sent off to find food, and its one of those war movies that arent really war movies you know but they are about it, and moreso, they're about like Humanity™? anyway one of the most haunting, beautiful and devastating movies i've seen ever. just beautiful in the cinematography, in the acting, in just everything honestly, its raw and profoundly human and also if youre like me and youre all about that religious symbolism? youre in for a... sad sad treat, but a treat nonetheless. it really like. got me deep like i didnt know what to do with myself after watching it but its a masterpiece 10000% (also while im there... also watch larisa sheptiko's other movie, wings)

now another classic is of course the cranes are flying, everyone knows but i need to reiterate it really lives up to the hype... just. some of the most beautiful cinnamon tography ive seen ever. like ill be honest even if i love cinematography in general i rarely go look up a cinematographer specifically but for this movie i HAD to bc some camera shots are INSANE. just one of the most gorgeous movies ive seen ever

if we're still going about aesthetic bc why not... if you liked hamlet by shakespeare, you HAVE to see the 1964 Hamlet movie its sooo gorgeous and such a good adaptation in my opinion like i just think this movie understands EVERYTHING about the essence of the play

now the next one i wouldnt necessarily put on the same scale as the others but good god is it a good watch, and its ballad of a soldier yes its another classic idc the soviet classics arent classics for nothing. this one is a really nice watch. just felt..... really nice and once again war movie thats not really showing you the war itself, i dig this hardcore

okay also ! not soviet lmfao but HUGE mention to alexander sokurov, you probably know of russian ark, if you dont, its not only a fucking prowess of cinematography, its basically one single continous shot for the entire movie and not like. a fake one like 1917 -tho dont get me wrong, loved what 1917 did-, like its deadass. press record, do the entire fucking movie, press stop. its INSANE and its BEAUTIFUL and im in love with sokurov's style, not as well known but i also loved francofonia, tho its a lot more experimental imo and is more documentary than movie, but also not documentary per se, i guess an essay of sorts, kind of confusing but i enjoyed it

i could not do this without of course mentioning one of my comfort movies™, which is я шагаю по мосве (translated as different things, like walking the streets of moscow or i walk around moscow) just a short and really sweet and light movie about . life i guess. LMAO its vague but theres really no real plot in there just a good time and very genuine and also has one of my favorite final scenes ever quick special mentions: courier, which was not my favorite but a really good movie still and it gets me bc its 1980s russia aka my jam, crime and punishment 1970 IF youve read C&P bc umm its an entire vibe, and remember when i said modern russian cinema guilty pleasure? okay well i rewatched движение вверх recently and like. it still slaps. if youre wondering (???) i need you to know i havent watched a zvyaginstev movie since i was like 16 so i dont have a concrete opinion on his stuff lmao)

sorry i wrote like SO fucking much but jaksfbajfbajsfh i hope this can provide you with some stuff of interests and btw a lot of these movies can be found with russian film hub, which basically like searches youtube and whatnot for you since mosfilm are actually pretty cool and do put their movies online

#asks #anon #me? writing insanely long replies instead of studying for my exam thats in 6 hours? Yeah #ANYWAY!! i know i didnt really ummm suggest any obscure gem or anything but tbh im still making my way into soviet cinema #so like........ yeah one day i'll find the obscure gems #and theres also like big titles i havent mentioned and thats fine too lmao but thats gives u an Idea of what i vibe w i think #also i probably forgot movies bc u know how it is someone asks ur favorite thing and suddenly you forget everything youve seen but yeah!#rus tag #Anonymous

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sun-summoning · 3 years

Text

part ii | part iii | part iv

after speaking to kido, sakura rushes home. when she calms down from the rage that nearly had her crush his throat, sakura can admit that she doesn’t really think this is him. he knew a lot about her for someone that was supposed to have been locked up all this time, but he seemed genuinely surprised to hear that sarada had been taken, if not disappointed. he fit the profile of what shikamaru and kakashi thought -- that someone wanted sarada for her eyes -- but sakura can’t stop the nagging feeling that somehow this runs deeper.

back in her apartment, megumi’s body is right where she left it, and sakura feels awful for having moved so mechanically. megumi was an orphan, but she was still someone’s little girl. ashamed, sakura lays a sheet over her and swears she’ll do more later.

she heads to her bedroom and begins her work. alone, she summons one of the cats she’d made a contract with shortly after her marriage. the black cat is sleek and holds himself confidently. he’s always been an efficient one, quick to do as she needs and be competent about it. he regards sakura with a cock of his head.

“sarada’s been taken.”

“your daughter.”

“yes.”

the cat nods. “i shall inform the clowder. if anyone spots her, i will let you know.”

“thank you.” sakura pauses, self-conscious for needing to rely on everybody else for this part. “if you...if any of you are able to come into contact with sasuke-kun, can you pease let him know too?”

“of course.”

“thank you.” sakura promises to provide the usual exchange at a later time and the cat disappears with a puff of smoke. she heads to her bedroom and she begins to pack in silence.

her movements are as meticulous as they are automatic, done just so she’s ready to leave the moment she knows where she needs to go. her medkit is stocked. her bag has scrolls, weapons, supplies, and sarada’s favourite toy. she changes out of her days clothes and into the leggings and turtleneck of a uniform she hasn’t worn in years. her cloak is in the front closet. she needs to change her boots. she’ll put on the boots now. she leaves the armour on her bed to don later. right now, they only hinder her movements. she goes to the drawer where her mask hides in plain sight among other trinkets and knick knacks, and on the dresser she notices a flower.

sakura stills as she takes in the detail she must have missed in her earlier haste. she considers the simple glass vase and the single red flower sitting in it. its petals curl at the ends and some are even missing.

this flower has travelled and as sakura considers what it is, she knows it’s travelled far.

konoha became unbearable by the time she tuned twenty. it's so petty and selfish and she'd never say it aloud, but she hated seeing everyone else so happy. she's happy too -- has so many reasons to be -- but she couldn’t help the nagging jealousy she feels when ino declined her invitations because she was going to see sai or when naruto prioritized her almost always only to head home to hinata.

she wanted to be someone's too. she wanted to be their focus and heart and home, but sakura already knew who her someone was and knew that on some level she was his too, so all she needs to do right now is wait.

most of the time, sakura wasn’t bitter. being apart from him wasn't unfamiliar, nor the steadfastness, nor the hope that one day this will pay off one day, nor the self reminders that what she felt was irrelevant as long as sasuke knew and was comforted by the fact that she would always love him.

to suppress her frustrations rather than confront them, sakura worked. she worked tirelessly and relentlessly and by nineteen, they'd named her the greatest medical ninja konoha has ever seen for her accomplishments, ideas, and innovations.

this took her to suna at twenty and to ame at twenty-one to help establish their own clinics.

“i have a gift for you,” ino told her before she left.

sakura expected a ribbon or a piece of jewellery or that new book on poisons she mentioned she was interested in. instead, ino handed her a bag. its contents shift, imbalanced, and inside sakura finds a potted plant.

“a flower?”

“not just any flower, you ungrateful bitch.” ino pointed at her accusingly and then at the plant. its petals are a bright red with darker flecks at their base. “i made it.”

“you made it?”

“yes. you know me, interrogating and mind-reading by day, splicing plants together and making my own by night.”

“that’s sad.”

“fuck you. you’re sad.”

sakura laughed and ino laughed too but it got a bit sad because ino probably definitely knew that sakura was sad. “anyway,” ino continued, “we’ll call it the sakuino flower--”

“how creative.”

“--and i expect you to keep it alive through all of your travels.”

sakura frowned at ino, wondering if ino understood that a potted plant had no place in her travels, but ino didn’t seem to care. moreover, this particular thing didn’t seem to have the ability to survive in the desert climate she was going to be living in for the next six months.

when sakura expressed as much, ino waved the matter off. “deal with it,” she said, giving sakura one last hug. “you’re one of the brightest minds to come out of this village. you’ll figure something out.”

its common name is the fire poppy, having originated from the fire country but somehow managing to survive in the deserts of wind country as well. the flower is know for its vibrant red petals, eye-catching and jarring across the barren brown it’s normally found in. sakura had to play with the original plant’s physiology when she first moved to ensure it could survive the alternate climate. in her spare time, when she wasn’t working with the kids, she deigned to work with her plant, eventually working on cloning the original. at some point she’d given one to a nurse she worked with who much admired the first, and gaara asked if he could try planting them in his garden. from there, the spores began to spread.

“why the fire poppy?”

was this someone from suna?

sakura considers the obvious motivation of revenge, but who would even want that? there were people who didn’t appreciate her friendship with kankuro or any of his siblings. perhaps an apprentice of chiyo’s who blamed sakura for not saving her when she gave her life for gaara’s. worse, perhaps someone that once worked sasori who resented her for his demise. or maybe someone she, sadly, can’t even remember. a patient she lost during the war whose family hated her.

sakura truly cannot pinpoint a motivation for this, much less a person.

especially a person that would understand the meaning of this flower for her.

ino would never give her this flower. ino would have scoffed at it and created her own. sarada couldn’t have picked it today. and sasuke certainly couldn’t have left it for her.

someone was in her apartment. someone brought it here.

was it here before?

sakura considers the poppy and forces herself to keep calm. stay logical, she demands. stay smart. was the poppy there before? no, she thinks at first. she would have seen it. she’s certain she would have seen it.

but, she can accept, it’s possible she might have missed it. sarada was taken. her babysitter was murdered. it wouldn’t be surprising if sakura missed it. but sakura doesn’t miss things. right?

“don’t gaslight yourself,” she orders.

no, she knows. the flower was not there before, meaning in between her going to kakashi, going to the prison, and then running back home, whoever took her daughter came back.

or worse, there was a team involved and one was with her child and another came back for her.

sakura curses, wishing she’d put on her black ops armour earlier, because whoever brought the flower here is now making their presence known. she senses two people before she sees them and is unsurprised to find sudden flares of strength.

the bedroom is small and they’re in a building. she needs to take this outside, but where? there’s too much risk for others getting hurt in the crossfire. that’s why this was supposed to stay quiet. that’s why this will stay quiet.

they step out of the shadows and sakura assesses them quickly. one male, one female, both fairly young based on stature and development, maybe early twenties at the oldest. they’ll have agility on her, but they won’t have her experience.

the man holds a chokuto. good. an advantage. sakura is excellent at fighting against such a weapon. if they’re foolish enough to use her husband’s favourite sort of blade, perhaps they didn’t do enough research on her. perhaps they were hired? but if they were unprepared, then were they really here to kill her?

are they here to distract her?

that thought fills sakura with dread. is someone trying to keep her busy so she can’t get to sarada on time?

the woman shifts, one leg sliding to the side as she raises her hands. she holds no weapons, therefore she is the weapon. sakura knows all about that. she’ll need to be careful with this one. but she still has a holster on her thigh. it’s thinner that the usual styles. maybe a couple kunai, but more likely a set of sebon. this one is smart then. she’ll know precisely where she needs to hit sakura to stop her.

“haruno sakura,” the man greets with a short nod.

so it is her fault.

if this was about sasuke, about the uchiha, they would know her married name. this is about her, and for that sakura feels worse. her baby was taken and why? just to hurt sakura before killing her? sarada was who knows where with surely no one that could be good and all just to hurt sakura?

sakura snarls, furious in a way only a mother could be, and she feels the chakra pulsing around her fists.

“where is my daughter?”

their masks hide any expressions. they remain at ease in the face of her rage, shockingly unafraid of this woman that can level mountains.

good, sakura thinks. let them be brave. let them come at her like fools.

she runs through the bedroom door to get to the living room where there’s at least more space to maneuver. the man leaps and brings his blade down upon her, but sakura manages to shift to the side. careful to not be forced into a corner, she spins out of his range and into the open middle until the woman runs past her partner and takes sakura on hand-to-hand.

she matches sakura’s punches and kicks blow for blow. she’s good, sakura thinks nervously. and she’s fast. she’s small, maybe half a head shorter than sakura, so she puts her weight behind every quick jab. sakura gives most of her attention to the woman, but keeps a wary on eye on the man who sheathes his chokuto.

what as he planning?

it takes that one moment for the woman to catch her unaware.

sakura chokes on her breath as the woman thrusts a senbon into her shoulder. the shock from that slows her down enough so she can lodge in a second.

“shit,” sakura curses as she stumbles back. she rips the senbon out, but she feels her left arm begin to go numb from the struck pressure point. “what did you do--”

sakura’s eyes widen she she feels something foreign begin to course through her. she considers the senbon, dark with her blood and likely something else. there’s a metallic smell that isn’t from the weapon, and sakura knows she’s been poisoned.

however, her body doesn’t bother to fight it.

sakura watches her opponents, trying to understand how she’s been poisoned with something she’s immune to and just what poison this might be. she’s immune to everything in konoha’s own collection, as well as the ones she shares with shizune.

which poison is this?

does that matter?

sakura scowls at the two people involved in her daughter’s kidnapping and reminds herself that she can take them on one-handed just fine. she pulls her right hand into a fist and charges. the man is closest, so she lunges at him with a chakra-laden punch that sends him barreling into the wall.

she grabs the front of his shirt and as she pulls him forward, his mask falls away to reveal green eyes, cold and lifeless, and a black diamond under his left eye that makes her uneasy.

sakura stares at the man, confused, because she knows this face.

she knows him.

her fear and pain and worry makes it hard to focus, but knows him.

focus.

finally, it clicks.

“isao?”

she thinks she might have seen something like recognition in his eyes. that doesn’t long though. she left herself open, and his partner stabs her shoulder. sakura releases isao with a cry before the woman punches her in the back of the head and everything goes dark.

the sun is up when sakura begins to stir. she hears the birds chirping and people outside going about their days. but the buzz of the television is missing, as are the small thuds of sarada’s steps. where is sarada? sakura wonders hazily, lazily, not quite understanding yet.

where is sarada?

her eyes widen and she sits up so quickly her stomach rolls.

“careful.” tsunade comes into view, steadying sakura and checking her for any problems. “you’re still healing.”

she’s in her own bed. she’s not at the hospital. she got knocked out and the assassins got away. she should’ve done something to track them. dammit. was she so arrogant she didn’t have a failsafe in place for if she didn’t simply beat them? sakura punches the bed, earning a disapproving frown from shizune on her other side.

“there was poison in your system.”

“it was one of ours,” sakura admits warily.

“yes. there are very few people with access to those, much less this particular one.”

the one that the assassin used was meant to render a victim paralyzed but still able to feel. it was a dreadful thing, meant only for the worst of interrogations. or, more accurately, for torture. sakura concocted it in her darkest moments at fourteen under shizune’s watchful eye. since then, while they’ve both had small handfuls of keen students, they’ve probably shared poisons from their personal roster with only five people at most.

for this particular poison, sakura knows only two people they showed it to, and only one of those was a student of sakura’s.

“how did you find me?”

tsunade rolls her eyes. “shizune sent you off to a prison from kakashi’s office. i figured i’d have to check on you shortly after. and it’s a good thing i did, stupid girl.”

“thank you.”

“don’t thank me. i’m scolding on you.”

“did they find anything useful?”

“no one’s been able to contact your husband.”

“right.”

“and they’re still under the impression that this has to do with the uchiha blood.”

“they would be,” sakura mutters, too tired and in too good company to be anything but blunt.

shizune sighs. “do you know who came after you last night?” the flower is still where she left it on the dresser. shizune follows her gaze to the fire poppy, and all knowing with plants as well, shizune determines its origins. “how did that get here?”

“i think it was to taunt me.” sakura grimaces. “you were right.”

“about?”

“i think this is my fault.”

shizune’s eyes widen and quickly soften with sympathy. “none of this your fault,” she reminds sakura.

tsunade crosses her arms. “enemies of yours then?”

“no.” sakura looks sad. “people i once loved.”

tbc

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dear-yandere · 4 years

Text

— oyasumi dazai.

ada! osamu dazai x reader.

cw: yandere, romanticization of suicide and death, nihilism, depersonalization, implied death, themes of regret and grief.

wc: 1985.

disclaimer: the following content does not depict a healthy relationship, please read the warnings carefully. by click the read more button, you are giving your consent to read this content.

“isn’t it lovely, all alone?”

he dreams of death.

the stench of iron and the sight of bones is nothing new, but he dreams of death like one would dream of the future. he supposes he is nobody, because no one ever dreams of their own passing (not willingly). people are pushed to that point, betrayed and hurt and put through enough suffering that life no longer seems worth living. whether life is or isn’t worth the effort lays with them, dazai reckons, but the urge to reason death from life has never crossed his mind. to him, to live is to suffer — that is, suffering is inevitable. within the same vein, it must mean that to live is to make the best of that suffering, but what is life if you’d never asked to be born?

the question is foreign and familiar all the same — bittersweet on his tongue, a plague on his mind. his life has always been filled with nothing. the smile of loving parents was a sight he’s unfamiliar with. in comparison to the misfortunes of many others, his parents were saints; and, in comparison to the fortunes of others, they were demons. and yet, that laid the problem. they have a role in this world, a calling, a purpose. but dazai… he is nothing. nothing but a black stain on this white earth. from the day he took his first breath, death has been both friend and foe, a tease and a reprieve for a boy who’d never wished to breathe life.

but, where death comes easy to others, it is nothing short of a luxury for him. it does not welcome him with open arms, nor does it even look his way. suicide after suicide attempt and yet he is still alive. and he has to wonder, is life a gift — as everyone claims it is — or a curse? and why? why was he gifted, why was he cursed? the distinction makes no difference to him, but why must it be him? was he brought into this world for a purpose? for some sort of greater good, or evil? or do the gods simply enjoy the frailty of human life and the suffering it comes with?

of all the people in this wretched world, why is he alive?

ii.

from his first breath, he begun to blacken. his heart is not his own, has never been his own (it beats for someone who is, and never will be, him.) his body holds nothing but muscle and blood and sinew, a vessel he’s been forced into without second thought. he’s never thought of it as anything more. not a temple nor a burden, just… some thing. something that is not his. something that isn’t meant to be his, as if he’s an outsider looking in through the hollows of his eyes.

humanity was always something unbeknownst to him, something he could never quite get a grasp of. the thoughts of others could never quite fit into the process of his mind, its recesses far too unaccustomed to how others should or shouldn’t feel. their expressions are unreadable at all times, a fault that has led to bullying and alienation. he never shed a tear; loneliness is to be expected when you have nowhere to fit in. he is pure black. he may as well be invisible to the human eye, no different than an ant that passersby would carelessly step on without thought. he is no different from anyone else, because he is worse.

had he sold his happiness to the devil in a past life? is life his punishment, or is this how dull it’s meant to be?

cynical — a word used to describe him all too often, but it’s never been dear to dazai’s heart. words, in fact, have never been able to describe him, not in a way he ever found fitting. what does it mean to be cynical? what does it mean to be human? what does it mean to be alive, to have a beating heart, to have feelings? twenty-one years on this earth and he’s never once found an answer.

life, it seems, is something not meant for the likes of him.

and yet, suicide never got him anywhere. whether it be the fault of dumb luck or his own ineptitude, dazai could never die. it’s laughable, how even though his heart beats without his own will, he cannot make it stop. as if some cruel god reveled in how much torture it is for him to live a life he did not ask for. every noose left him choking for air but never took his life. every gun shot blanked or missed his brain entirely. every stab and cut never hit his arteries, never allowed him the luxury of bleeding out. like water in a vase, waiting until the surface tension is broken by a slight drop and starts to overflow — dazai spent his days in hopes of when his own heart would overflow and spill.

life was given to him, and life will not be taken by his own hands.

iii.

he dreams of death so often, his only nightmare is awaking the next day.

he will only ever just be… him. forever living, forever beating and breathing — the thought of experiencing life like others do is something out of a children’s book, to him. to strive for goals, to be torn apart by failures, to get up after being knocked down again and again. he understands it in theory, the process of living, but to put any further meaning on his or anyone else’s existence seems beyond the furthest reaches of his mind.

nothing makes sense.

“i never understood the fuss over weddings, going so far as to plan one’s entire life around it.” he says one day, eyes locked on the black coffee in his hands. darkness always did make him feel at home. “funerals are much more exciting. i’ve planned mine already.” a smile twitches onto his face, one of genuine happiness and excitement. death is like a dear friend, one he feuds with often, and yet one he adores all the same.

but those aren’t words most would say. weddings are a day of joy, but to him, they can only bring grief, one unlike the kind funerals bring to others. the happiest day of his life will be the day he dies, and yet…

he finds himself wanting to marry you.

you, as beautiful as ever, crack a knowing smile and play his words off, shooing them from the air like a pesky insect. the coffee in your hands is almost pure white by this point; drowned in creams and syrups and sugars. he wonders if it’s a reflection of your heart or your soul. “but osamu, i’ve already planned our wedding. you wouldn’t die before we got married, would you?”

he smiles. it’s a reflection of your soul.

he wouldn’t dream of it.

iv.

there’s a reason for everything, or so he’s heard. a mantra mostly uttered by religious heretics, and yet the sentiment was enough to get him thinking; is there a reason he cannot die? is there a reason he’s doomed to live, until whatever entity that tortures him grows bored of his plights? is there a reason he’s alive?

you’re nothing new, nothing he hasn’t seen time and time again. but, he knew: you are his reason. he is a person that someone like you should never get close to. the sentiment is ingrained in his very being, to stay away from you. he knows already: that he will only taint you, corrupt you, drag you down to rock bottom with him. and, if there is a place lower than here, it would surely be hell.

you deserve better than that. you deserve better than him.

“if i were to ever unforgivably hurt you, promise me this.” his heart tugs uselessly, his mind already made up. “if i ever hurt you very, very deeply, please kill me at once.”

he places your hands at his neck and presses. your fingers don’t curl around the flesh like he wants them to, and he knows then that he will never deserve you. you are too good for him, too good to him; your heart is too white and his blackness will only taint it. but darkness cannot be without light. just as the pitch black can overtake the white, the white can overtake the pitch black. life is not solely black and white, he’s come to learn. to be born and to live is to tread through life in a series of greys. there is no good nor evil, only humanity. but, if he were to describe himself, he would surely be black.

“you’ll promise me this, right?”

you hesitate to answer. he caresses you gently, like his mother used to do for him. a means to quell and comfort others, he’s learned, and yet his heart still feels nothing but blackness. he’s never understood why you feel so hurt when he speaks of death so casually — his death is his and his alone, after all. no one would be affected, not for long. memories fade and hearts heal; he is but a stain on life, and no one would miss him.

“right, belladonna?” he prompts. “please say yes. to die by your hands would be my greatest joy. even more so if you were to join me in death, but i could never ask that of you…” he laughs at his desperation, knowing you’d never agree to a premature death like he. you have so much to live for, and he…

he was born to die.

“i promise, osamu.”

you haunt him like a ghost.

he still dreams of death, because a world without you is one he no longer wants to live in. but you would want that for him. you know of his infatuation with the throes of death and yet you want the very thing he detests; for him to live. funny thing, life is. like an idiot ghost, he’d lived wandering through life without any direction. without purpose, dreams and ambitions never held any real meaning to him, not like they seemed to do for other people. the only thing that came close was… you.

he wants to hide like the coward he is. run away, start over again. forget this ever happened, forget he ever met you.

forget he ever tasted love.

it occurs to him that this must be that feeling of ‘regret’ he so often hears. and he’s reminded of odasaku, the only living being that had come close to eliciting some semblance of genuine emotion from dazai. the closest thing he could call to a true friend, dead. and, the closest thing he could call to a lover, gone. life isn’t meant for cowards like him.

but he lives. death has cursed him with the act of living; perhaps that’s a fate worse than death. he has spent all his life resisting the desire to end it, and he regrets never once succeeding. because now he has to live; to live with his own regrets and failures, all the things he said and didn’t say, all the things he did and shouldn’t have done.

he didn’t get to say ‘i love you’.

your tombstone is pristine and he wonders if death is just the same; clean. free of sin, free of burden. what a beautiful thought, one he’s begun to believe doesn’t truly exist. beauty is wasted on him and even death does not hear his pleas. because to seek beauty is human. to be played and toyed with is human.

and to break and destroy, is also human.

death is preferable to losing you. it laughed in his face when it came to claim you, took you away from him forever. to someplace far, far away — to someplace he can never belong.

he misses you. he wonders if you miss him too.

#yandere dazai x reader #yandere dazai osamu #yandere osamu dazai #yandere osamu dazai xreader #yandere bsd #yandere bungou stray dogs #yandere bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #tw death #tw suicidal ideation #tw suicide mention #tw suicide attempts #tw depersonalization

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bowandcurtsey · 3 years

Note

can i get a licht x flirty!reader? :3 btw, i really really REALLY enjoy your writing! you’re amazing <33 ive sent in requests before and i loved them so much!!! i reread them too when i have nothing to do lol, keep up the amazing work ❤️ and you can whatever you want with the plot, i’d just like a flirty reader!

Nawww 😭 thank you Anonys! I’m not sure if this is the same Anony here to kick my ass for taking so long hehe :P Thank you for spending time on my reads 🥺 please, everyone don’t be afraid to send in requests okai! I’m so sorry for taking so long dear Anony!

Licht x reader

Warnings: slight, very slight NSFW under the cut.

It wasn’t like you had a perfect hour glass figure, nor did you have a face of an angel, but there was just a charm around you that just attracted men.

You just knew how to dress to show off the right curves of your body, and your confidence and cheekiness just gave off this playful, sexual attraction that made men swoon a little.

Now, the leader of the Elfs was initially unfazed by your little flirting, he would always reply with something mediocre.

“Hey Licht kun~” you’d coo, “you look hot today, want to go on a date with me?” You’d wink at him alluringly.

“Well thank you y/n” he would reply unfazed, “I’m afraid that I’ll have to take a rain check today, am busy these few weeks for a new project I’m working on” he gently scuffled your hair.

Even when you wore body con dresses or mini skirts and sashayed in front of him, he would just chuckle at you, “someone’s in a good mood today~” he’d never ever stared or ogled like some men did.

Once, you wore a short little dress that was a little too revealing, especially when you climbed the stairs, he took off his robe and wrapped it around your waist. “It can be seen from behind.” He smiled at you.

This was why you were in love with this man. He was an ultimate good gentleman.

Initially Licht was not charmed by you, though he respected and looked up to you as a strong individual, but over time he saw how kind you were despite your flirting; you were always putting others before you, rushing into helping those in need, and he found himself gradually being allured by you.

Unlike some men who just wanted to get in your pants, Licht was genuinely attracted to you, inside and out.

He found himself getting jealous when men made sheep’s eyes at you, wanting to be the only one at the receiving end of your touches.

One day, you were talking to Raia and Vetto, and you were getting a little chummy with them; you were laughing and holding on to Vetto’s arms, gossiping and whispering to them.

Licht saw everything from afar while he was making his rounds, and a slight clench formed in the pit of his stomach. He was dumbfounded for a moment, thinking why would he feel such a great upset over you talking to his dear comrades. Then he realised, he had fallen to the wicked wrath of jealousy.

Later that evening, you bumped into Licht, and as usual, you loved teasing him. “hey Licht kun~” you beamed at him.

“Hey y/n, how’s your day?” His lips curved into a smile upon looking at yours.

“It just gotten better now that I’ve met you” you wriggled your eyebrows playfully at him.

To your surprise, the elf leader leaned closer to you, “really?” His facial expression didn’t change at all, but your heart skipped a beat, looking at his flawless features up close.

His unusual respond left you lost for words, as you froze in your place like a deer caught in the headlights. “E-ehm.. uh-huh?” Your brains suddenly lost it’s function for speech.

“Doesn’t sound very convincing,” he frowned slightly, “could it be that you have been always lying about wanting to spend more time with me?”

At this point your brains and heart were malfunctioning. Licht was flirting back with me? ME?

“N-no!” Your cheeks flushed a bright red colour.

The white haired man couldn’t help but giggle at how tongue tied you were. The usual confident and flirtatious you was a flustered mess in front of him.

You calmed down a little, seeing that he was laughing at you, “no fair! You were teasing me!”

“What if I was serious?” He confessed, looking straight into your eye, golden orbs filled with sincerity.

“Huh?” You didn’t believe what you just heard.

“Y/n,” he took your hands in his, “I am in love with you, all of you. Not just your beautiful, breathtaking appearance, but also your confident and amazing self.” He tucked a stray hair behind your redden ears, “I love how you’re kind to everyone, how you bring joy to everyone around you, including myself. Recently, I’m feeling a little more greedy and selfish and I want more of you to myself..”

His other arm held your chin tenderly, “Is the offer still up? Will you go out with me y/n?”

“About time you asked!” You gazed into his eyes, and bit your bottom lip.

Your lips smashed against each other, like you both were starved of each other for so long. You grabbed at his clothes and pulled him into you. His lean yet strong arm held you firmly at your waist, the other running down your ass, giving it a little squeeze.

You bit at his bottom lip, earning a low groan from him. “Is the offer still up?” You broke free of the kiss for a moment, catching your breath, “Do you still want more of me to yourself?” You kissed him again, sucking at his lower lip this time, “because I’d like more of you to myself~” You grinned playfully at him.

You both wondered why you took so long to even confess and realise your feelings for each other.

-end-

I’m not sure if this was a flirty enough reader! EEEK. I have no idea when it comes to flirting, I think I just look like a sea lion clapping it’s hands making funny noises. (^o^)丿

Anyway I felt like Licht wouldn’t really be interested in someone’s behaviour or looks if he wasn’t overall attracted to them. And if they were already together, Licht would just be spontaneous and flirt right back, since he’s the most comfortable around his s/o!

Andddd, I couldn’t do much lemon with this piece haha, because of the plot I thought of. I would maybe do a part 2 if you’d like?

I hope you liked this one Anony! =^_^=

#blessed aine #black clover #black clover x reader #black clover imagine #black clover headcanons #black clover licht #licht black clover #licht x reader

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olivetreehugger · 3 years

Text

SnK Scouts/Veterans as Health Care Workers

Note: features Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Connie, Sasha, Levi, Erwin and Hange. A part two to my “SnK Warriors as HCWs” post found here. warning: mentions of blood, trauma, gore (it’s healthcare). Also, I know Hange is nb, I headcanon them as female, so I will be using she/her pronouns.

Eren: this boy is definitely too involved in everything and has too many people depending on him at once to not be a nurse. The kid barely passed the NCLEX but that didn’t stop him from applying to every trauma center within a 25 mile radius of him. He got hired as a night shift trauma ICU nurse and he frequently picks up shifts in the ER. He wears the cheapest scrubs he can find, often stained with ink in the pockets area. He isn’t a shitty nurse per se but there are tasks that still need to be done at the end of his shift and he gives a crappy report that’s missing too many details. Nurses hate picking up his patients, it’s always a mess. His charting is really spotty and he gets called into the manager’s office all the time to fix it.

Still, he tries really hard to improve his time management and skills. He wants to be like his friends Mikasa and Reiner, who are the best nurses he knows. He wants to be involved in the traumatic cases and emergencies because he wants to learn as much as he possibly can. He’s really good at wound care, for some reason (hint hint). He’s kinda cocky sometimes too, which can be troublesome when Dr. Galliard is working. People know to steer clear of those two when they’re both in the ER. Also, Eren always has a black cloud around him; whenever he works it’s gonna be a hella busy day in the hospital. Lots of emergency surgeries, intubations, codes and deaths. He’ll always jump in to help you if your patient is crashing, though, no matter how busy he is.

Mikasa: she’s a prodigy. She was a straight ‘A’ student in nursing school, got a perfect 75 on the NCLEX and was immediately hired to the trauma ICU after doing a short internship there. She worked night shift for a year but her sleep schedule was so so fucked she started having night terrors, so she switched to day shift. Eren still calls her a traitor for it :/. She keeps trying to get him to switch over but he just hisses at her and threatens to chug a case of Monster energy drinks. She hasn’t given upon him yet, though.

This girl’s work ethic is beyond measure. She comes in exactly at 6:30 am, looks up her patients, takes report, gives a great update to the doctors when they round, and provides impeccable care to her patients. She knows exactly which treatments the doctors will order before they even speak. She’s incredible at inserting IVs--everyone in the hospital knows Mikasa Ackerman can put an 18g in a 90 yr old lady’s arm AND get blood return (just trust me, it’s flipping impossible). She has great skill when it comes to emergency situations and is a big believer in team work. If she notices your patient’s crashing and you don’t know what to do, she’ll calmly coach you and save your patient, too. All before lunch time.

It doesn’t take Mikasa long to be promoted to charge nurse. When she’s in charge all the reports, paperwork and audits are completed before shift change. She divides the patient assignments really well and is very fair to the new grads. All around she’s an incredible nurse and leader on her unit, but don’t be fooled. If it’s been a rough day, Mikasa will get in her car and sob so loud her throat goes raw. A lot of people depend on her and working in a trauma ICU is really, really demanding. A lot of patients are demanding, rude and busy. She has a lot of trouble with stress management and is thinking of cutting her hours down so she can catch a break. Someone please hug her <3

Armin: for some reason my brain is just SCREAMING respiratory therapist. Like, I imagine this beautiful blond boy in gray scrubs (the color for RT’s in my hospital) going around helping intubate patients, giving nebulizer treatments and doing blood gases. I can just see him huffing and puffing when the attending doctor is overzealous about weaning vent support. -“Why are we changing the patient to pressure support? do you see how tachypneic he is on volume control?”

-“are you gonna put in the order? if not, your patient’s gonna be on PRVC all day, I’m not changing it without an order”

-“Doc, the patient looks like crap and their blood gas looks like death...oh, you still wanna extubate? ok, well I’m gonna leave the ventilator in here just in case. better yet, let me call a pastor in here, too.”

This kid is sassy af and he knows it. He’s smart af too, knows everything there is to know about the lungs and respiratory care. Knows every ventilator mode better than most doctors. Will certainly tell a resident off for ordering the wrong type of inhaler for a patient. He’s so damn intelligent that he even made the ice queen Annie melt like a popsicle.

He has no chill when it comes to his patients and even less chill (like -4078875874670) when a doctor gets in his way. For this reason, Armin has recently been toying with the idea of going to PA school so he can have a little more autonomy. He works al over the hospital, usually frequenting the trauma, CV, and medical ICU. The nurses there love him.

Jean: Jeannie boy. Baby. Sweetie. He’s also a nurse. He is strictly dayshift and trauma. When he first started, he thought he’d do a year in the ICU and then go to CRNA school. He didn’t want to be around sickly patients with hopes and dreams and fears--it was too icky for him. But, over time, he learned that he LOVED trauma. Jean loves the controlled chaos that comes with the ugly, bloody messes that roll in through the ICU’s doors. He always gears up for trauma season (summer time) by bringing Dunkin Donuts iced coffee for everyone on the unit (day and night shift because he’s a supportive king). He gets really good at dealing with arrogant trauma residents and ortho docs who think they’re hot shit. When Jean sees a resident yelling at a nurse, he jumps in and threatens to have their license revoked. He will dig under their skin and page them incessantly throughout the day, too, just to get back at them. Jean is not a fan of lateral violence in the workplace, no sir.

He always, always makes sure every room is stocked and new bags are hanging for the next shift. He has a thing where if things aren’t properly organized on the unit his brain just spazzes. He’s on the unit council and education committee because he also loves to teach the new grads. He also doubles as charge nurse, when management can’t be there (there can be one or more charge nurses amongst the staff, they usually work different days, though) He and Mikasa work so well together, teaming up to get tasks done, coding patients, running them down to get scanned, etc. People joke they’re the mom and dad of the unit. It makes them both blush <3 (Eren doesn’t like it, lol)

Jean loves to see patients healing from horrendous injuries, he’s constantly cracking jokes with the awake patients to try to make them feel better, and he’s really good at calming anxious family members down. Our boy just makes such good connections with people. He’s the guy you call when your confused patient is one second away from ripping his breathing tube out. He can convince the most restless, agitated patient to chill out. He’s got the voice for it. Also people love his mullet. It looks great.

Connie: I really didn’t know at first but I feel like Connie would make a great physical therapist. He’s got great energy, he’s funny and I could see him dancing to Earth, Wind & Fire in front of his patients to hype them up for therapy. He’d be very sweet with them

Sasha: I’m sick and tired of the food jokes, quite honestly. She’s more than that. In my mind, she’s an occupational therapist, helping disabled patients learn to feed, dress and clean themselves again. She works directly with Connie as they round on all their patients in the hospital, they make a great team! She’s extremely patient and would make a very good nurse, but is unsure of where life is taking her. That is until she meets Niccolo the dietician in the cafeteria, and she falls hard. He encourages her to follow her heart and she does!

Levi: Hm. This one stumped me. Levi is a bit...cold. It’s not like he has incredible social skills. He’s meticulous and focused and kinda mean? He reminds me of an anesthesiologist, tbh. Like he’ll sedate the shit outta you for surgery, makes sure you don’t die on the table, and then drops you off to the unit as fast as he can. He never takes off his mask while in the hospital and he scrubs maybe four times before surgery. He is very good at medication calculations and knows everything about nerve blocks, intubation, pain medication and sedation. He can look at a person and just KNOW what kind of sedative to give and how much. Your blood pressure will never bottom out while he’s there, he’ll warn the surgeon and immediately get that norepinephrine started.

If Zeke is the one operating, Levi is on his ass to finish up the surgery ASAP and to not linger, because Zeke takes his time and ignores the tele monitor alarming in the background. After surgery, this 5′2 demon will scream at the 6′ resident about the importance of blood pressure management and sedation in neurosurgical patients. Levi plays no games and he also just really hates Zeke lol

He seems like a jerk but genuinely cares about getting his peeps through surgery. His favorite surgeon to work with is Hange Zoe, because she’s brilliant and fast, but also cognizant of her patient’s hemodynamics. Levi likes taking trauma cases as long as it’s with her. When he drops a patient off to the trauma ICU or goes there to intubate, he makes sure Jean or Mikasa are there because he knows everything is gonna go smoothly. He trusts them a lot. He likes Armin, too and even let him intubate a few times. On his breaks, he’s drinking tea and reading a Williams & Sonoma catalog or scrolling through cleaning Tik Tok lol.

Erwin: This man. This beautiful and hunky beefcake. Omg. I HC him as someone who went to nursing school, became a charge nurse on the trauma unit back in the early 2000′s and fell in love with it. Erwin would eventually fall in love with leadership and educating, too. He went back to school and earned his Doctorate of Nursing Practice (a practice doctorate). He managed the trauma unit for ten years before his brilliant leadership skills and wicked smart brain got him elected as the Director of Trauma Surgery recently. He is the first person with a nursing degree and DNP to ever accomplish this, so it’s very controversial. A lot of toxic doctors threaten to leave the hospital for this (because they’re assholes), but Erwin threatens to fire them in response and it usually shuts them up.

He often holds lectures in the hospital auditorium. With a mind and voice like his, people are so drawn in by him. He advocates for nursing staff, for reimbursement when continuing their education, better staffing, parking, etc. He makes nice with doctors and gets them to sign petitions for the nurses to get these things. He’s a bit manipulative He’s also a fantastic manager and director, he’s really good at negotiating things. The nurses and residents all love him because he rounds on every ICU frequently, brings food, and asks them how he can help. He can be a bit daunting because of his height and deep voice but once he starts talking to you, you just get sucked in. All around an absolute king.

Hange: This character reminds me of a trauma surgeon and intensivist (ICU doctor) we have, Dr. Omi. A great surgeon, really really smart, but takes absolutely NO bullshit. She will yell at you if you freeze during intubating. She wants you to recite every step before you take it, otherwise she’ll take the tube from you and do it herself. In surgery, she’s the same way. She wants you to learn, but by her standards. If she asks a question, you better know the answer or fess up right away, she doesn’t like the “uhms” of uncertainty as you try to search for a shitty response. Either you know it or you don’t. And if you don’t, she’ll teach you. Yeah she can be rough around the edges, but she’s got a big heart. She loves her trauma team. She buys them breakfast and gives them funny personalized gifts. One time, she bought an apply tree for Mikasa and brought it to her car at the end of a shift. Mikasa forgot to plant it and it died in her backseat. Hange will sometimes ask, “Mikasa, how’s your apple tree growing?” and Mikasa will lie through her teeth. “It’s growing!” Fess up, Mikasa. Those google search apple trees are starting to look familiar.

All around Hange loves to work and teach. She is a wonderful trauma surgeon and has saved tons of lives.

#snk headcanons #attack on titan #eren jaeger #mikasa ackerman #armin arlert #jean kirstein #connie springer #sasha braus #levi ackerman #erwin smith #hange zoe #lama writes

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badwolf-winchester · 3 years

Text

Ancient Bloodlines

Pairing: Loki x Emy Nightstar (OC)

OC Summary: Emy is the newest Avenger. She specializes in Magic and close range attacks/ weapons. Her heritage is unknown to her as she was left at an orphanage door step when she was a young girl with only the memory of her name. She goes by her nickname Emy but has never told anyone her full name as its a reminder of her being abandoned. Emy can see through any illusion and Magic no matter how powerful they are or how strong the magic is and is unaware of this. Her powers include Telekinesis, Elemental Control, True Sight (as stated above) Enhanced healing and Shifting (she wont discover this till much later in the story). She loves to read, listen to music, play violin, sing, and draw.

Story Info: Takes place after infinity wars. Tony and Natasha are alive Steven comes back from the future after giving back the infinity stones. Vision is alive and living with Wanda in the tower. Thor and Loki live in the tower with the rest of the Avengers and for the sake of the story Himedall is alive and living with the rest of the Asgardians on earth in New Asgard (you will find out why later)

One last thing: Please do not repost my work on any other site or social media, however reblogging on here is fine. I work hard on all of my fanfics and it’s disappointing when people take my work as their own. I am the creater of all my OCs such as Sora Nightstar, Emy Nightstar, and Lithium Nightstar. My inbox is open for any and all requests as i am a multi fandom writer. Let me know how you like the story and i will do my best to answer any and all questions. As always i encourage any and all feedback as it helps with my writing. I hope you all like it!

The Beginning

They say that your parents are there to teach you the rules of the world, but what happens when you have no parents? Who will teach you then? The world is cruel but people are crueler. Ive learned this first hand when the person i trusted most in this world left me on the door step of the St. Trinity’s Orphanage. I was 9 when my mother told me she didn’t want me anymore and i guess I couldn’t really blame her. I mean who could love someone who couldn’t control the powers that grew with each passing year. Someone who started fires out of thin air when they had nightmares, conjured whirlwinds when startled, unfurled earthquakes when angered, spring forth rain showers when sad, and levitate objects when riddled with anxiety. I will never forget that day for its seared into my mind like its own person brand echoing with every beat of my heart. A monster thats what she called me, her own flesh and blood was a monster in her eyes, and i could see the relief when she ran from the solid oak door finally rid of the burden she had to put up with throughout the years. An abomination she cried as she reached the cobblestone sidewalk eager to be rid of me and by the pace she was going at i could tell she had more spring in her step than on the walk over from the bus we exited from. Unnatural she bellowed as she disappeared around the corner a ghost of a smile springing from her lips as she disappeared. These where the last words i would ever hear from my mother, if thats what you would call her.

Emy’s POV

Tonight was just like any other. Crisp cold air submerged the city in a blanket of dark and silence while it settled into your bones. I never minded the cold in fact I welcomed it, it reminded me of the cabin i found one year after running away from one of the many abusive foster homes i was forced to stay with. I’ll admit it was one of the times I was able to avoid the social workers for longer than a week and the happiest I had ever been in my life up until i was captured by Hydra. When I had a flair up with my powers, which usually ended up being fire, i would immediately get sent back to St. Trinity’s but this time i ran before they had the chance to toss me aside. The staff there used to place bets on how long i would stay with a family, they would joke saying i was cursed or jinxed but i knew the truth, no one wanted me. Once the parents found out about my abilities I was sent packing. I was labeled as a flight risk and a danger to others which only deepened my anti socialism.

Walking through the streets of New York i pull my dark purple jacket on and my dark brown hair in a pony tail as I get closer to my destination. Because i don’t feel the effects of the cold weather Tony, being such the dad figure he is, has made it his priority to make sure i still wear one just incase so here i was walking home in black ripped up jeans, a black v neck T-shirt, black and purple checkered vans and a light weight dark purple jacket. With my headphones in my ears and “I like it heavy” by Halestorm blasting I make my way to the place i call home, Stark Tower. Walking through the front doors i make my way past the receptionist who always greets me with a bright smile. As I walk towards the elevator I give her a small smile back and a head nod. After entering the elevator and pressing the button for the penthouse I start to reflect on how i got here.

By the time i was 15 Hydra found me in that cabin and took me away. I went from hopping from family to family to being used as a science experiment, constantly being poked and prodded just so they could get a reaction out of me. As a child my powers where very unstable mostly flaring up with my emotions, its no wonder that Hydra caught wind of me its not like i was hiding it very well or more so that i couldn’t hide it. They tried to wipe my memory to gain control of me “a blank slate” is what they wanted, but for some reason, they failed as I wasn’t susceptible to their conditioning methods no matter how much time i spent in the chair. However, I could tell they were scared of me I could see it in their eyes. This didn’t last long though as they used what they called their perfect weapon code name Winter Soldier to beat me into submission. After that first meeting that left me with a broken arm and a fractured ankle i started to obey, since then Ive met the Soldier a couple of times but if he remembers me he dosent let on and I dont blame him, he has been in that chair so many times Im genuinely surprised he can even remember how to walk. He is stronger than the others as most of the other test subjects had turned to vegetables after the 4th mind wipe, he was on his 10th the last time i saw him with Hydra.

Another test was done on me and this one was different. They used a teseract? If thats what they called it I can’t be sure nor did I care all I could feel was pain like as if someone injected lava in my veins. After they injected me I started screaming after a while I couldn’t even hear myself anymore, my throat was so sore and horse from the constant roar of my agony I just wanted it to end. How long was I out for? Seconds? Minutes? Hours? Days? Years? They didn’t keep clocks there or at least not in the dungeon like cell they had me in. When the fire faded i was left with this numbness and after further tests I realized that I was immune to fire. I can literally stick my hand in fire and i will be left untouched and unscorched. They did the same test with freezing temperatures to see if they could subdue me at least in some way. I must have been out longer than just a couple of days as during the tests i didn’t recognize any of the Doctors. In that moment I realized something, if they were trying to contain me then something must have happened to the soldier. It was time to plan my escape.

Back in my cell i could hear footsteps approaching me and then stop short. One of the scientists frantically trying to talk some sense into someone just out of my line of sight. “She is immune to anything we throw at her sir. We have done every test we could there is nothing left for us to do.” One of the goons in a lab coat stated to what i assumed is a higher up. “Bolden If her powers keep growing at the rate they are it could be days in which she will be unstoppable and with the soldier gone we dont have anything that can keep her in line. She broke Mandy and Rays arms the last time we tested her. She is getting too strong.” Brining a hand up to his chin the higher up Bolden stepped out of the shadows and looked at me with deep interest before he turned to looked at the man and scoffed. As he walked away i felt a cold chill ran down my back as I anticipated what was to become of me; I knew it was nothing good i had already broken their rules. His next words only confirmed what I feared. “ Its simple. Break her spirit or kill her Doctor. And when i say break her i mean in anyway means necessary.” His sadistic laugh is the last thing i remember before everything went black.

Its been 2 years since i have escaped and now I’m living in the avengers tower. I don’t remember what happened after that night in my cell its all a blur of red, screams, and gunshots. When i woke up next i was in a 6ft crater where I was being held captive without a scratch on me. Trees were uprooted and fallen over as if a bomb went off. Luckily the Avengers showed up not long after me waking up and took me to their base where i met Directer Fury. With his permission and 24/7 surveillance provided by Tony Stark via FRIDAY and training sessions to get my powers under control i was allowed to join the Avengers and fight for good. Little did i know that by agreeing to this I would end up in the path of a certain God or Gods who were also taking residence at the tower.

With the sound of a *ding* the elevator shook me out of my mind and back to the present. As i exited the elevator I pulled my head phones out of my ears and was instantly met with the sound of Tony losing his mind. “Where did she go? She knows she can’t be out this late. She could be taken again! Its 5 minutes past her curfew!” Rolling my eyes I roll my headphones up and shove them in my pocket and round the corner. “Tony it takes 5 minutes to get from the lobby to the penthouse calm down. I bet she will walk through that door anytime now.” Came the sweet voice of reason of none other than Pepper Potts. “I’m Home.” I said in a deadpan voice as i walked by the couple only for Tony to stand up and intercept me by placing a hand on my upper arm. “Where did you go and why didn’t you tell me you were leaving?” I looked at him and raised an eyebrow pushing his hand off me. “Tony its Wednesday. I have training with Strange on Wednesdays and I had Friday alert you as I was leaving but you were in the lab with Bruce.” Not sure what to say next Tony mumbled a small apology. “Sorry I was just worried about you. I know you are grown enough to make your own choices as you are 25 but I just want to make sure you are safe. How was the training with The Wizard?” Sighing and shaking my head just wanting to go the library and read I decided to just let it go. “Strange is a hard ass that much you already know. It wasnt bad actually I think I’m warming up to him. I didn’t spontaneously throw him to the wall when he snuck up behind me as i was going over the ancient texts so i call that improvement.” I said sheepishly while side stepping around him. “I’m gonna go to the library now and grab some light reading before bed you guys have a good night.” With out waiting for a response I quickly made my way towards my new destination only to have Tony saying something about guests in the house but I ignored him.

Pushing open the library door I make my way to the poetry section to grab my usual copy of Edgar Allen Poe that I read before bed. As my had reached for the spot i knew i put the book in i find that its not there. “Wait what? Where is my book? I know I put it back here before I left for training so where did it go?” Frustrated I stomp back over to the entrance and rip open the door ready to go on a murder spree while shouting down the hallway. “CLINT! You better give me back my night time book or I’m breaking all your arrows again! No one reads in this tower but me! How stupid do you think I am!?” Straining my ears I listen for any type of movement but was met with dead silence. After a minute I finally hear movement through the vents coming from the west part of the tower and I take off sprinting. Sliding around a corner I barely miss colliding with Steve and Bucky who look like they were on their way back from a mission. Offering a quick apology before I continue my pursuit I hear Steve yell “Hey! No running in the tower!” Not faltering in my hot pursuit of the Hawk thief I continue to zip through the tower ignoring the Captains words until i was almost to the vent that lead to the 2 level family room. Using the railing for the steps leading down to the family area to give me more height i jumped as close to the vent as possible and conjured my signature Scythe to slice through it while twisting in the air kicking the vent free and off its track. A shocked and terrified scream resonates from the vent as the culprit falls to the ground with a thud and a grunt. I landed in a crouched position and slowly straightened to my full hight. “What the hell Emy?! When did you learn to do that?!” Clint yells as he sits up rubbing his left shoulder that he landed on. I started stalking towards him with the blade of my scythe scrapping across the ground as i went while giving him a death glare. “Give me back my book Barton.” At the mention of his last name his head snapped up to me fear replacing the pain from his fall. “Oh shit last name not good.” Scrambling up on his feet he turns and runs towards the common room that connects to the elevator with me hot on his tail and my scythe trailing behind me in my right hand.

“Shit shit shit shit shit shit SHIT!!” He yells as he makes it fully to the room only to fling forward as i jump and kick his back tired of all the running. Twirling my weapon around I place it at his neck sneering at him. “I will not ask you again.” I said placing pressure on his neck with my blade. Sensing a fast moving object coming from my left from the kitchen I move my head back 3 inches as what looked like a hammer flew by me embedding itself in the wall. Turning my head slowly in the direction of the flying object, I confirmed it was indeed a hammer that was thrown at me. Irritation flared through me as i released Clint from the end of my scythe and turned fully to the kitchen to face my attacker. There stood 2 men that i did not recognize, one tall oak of a man with blond short hair, blue eyes and tan skin in blue jeans, a red T-shirt ,and grey jacket. the other shorter man made me stare at him and faultier for a second as he was so different from anyone i have ever seen, dark blue skin covered his entire body with darker almost black symbols and piercing red eyes, long black hair with black jeans, a green dress shirt and black jacket. Tearing my gaze away from his own curious one i looked between both men before i clenched my jaw letting my irritation settle back in. “Which one of you threw that hammer.” I said venom dripping with every word. “Whoa its ok Emy thats just Thor and Loki they are the asgardian Gods that live here in the tower part time when they are not in Norway.” Clint said standing up quickly. Not moving from my position i narrowed my eyes and flicked them over in Clint’s direction. The ground started to shake as my irritation and annoyance grew to anger remembering what i was doing before being interrupted by the Gods. Throwing his hands up in surrender he then quickly reached into his back pocket and retrieved my book. “Ok ok dont blow a fuse Em.” He said while tossing me my possession stopping me from causing an earthquake. Catching it in the air with my left had I inspected the book to make sure it wasn’t damaged before I let go of my scythe, with a wave of my hand it disappeared back to the pocket dimension I keep it in then looked back at Clint as the tremors stopped. “Touch my things again and i will be wearing your guts like my mom’s pashmina.” I said to the thief before walking out of the room and disappeared down the hallway not giving the Gods a second glance. As I entered my room i could hear a silky voice ring out from the kitchen. “Well isnt she interesting.”

Part 2 coming soon

@nickkie1129

#loki x y/n #loki odinson #loki series #loki #loki x reader #loki x you #loki (marvel)#loki laufeyson #marvel #avengers x reader #the avengers #clint barton #tony stark #doctor strange #thor odinson #steve rogers #bucky barns #pepper potts

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sapphicwhxre · 3 years

Note

tiny pansy rant, cut short so it’s *hopefully* not too long:

i. wanted. to. see. her. change! and in my opinion the reason she never got the chance was because jkr used her character to make fun of people she disliked :/

pretty much all the other noteable slytherins had some sort of redemption arc,, and yeah they’re still mostly problematic people but they got chances: snape, draco, narcissa, regulus, slughorn, leta and technically andromeda? you get the point i just—

like miss ma’am decided to make pansy,, the like slytherin stereotype? and have her want to betray harry? she was seventeen ffs, not bellatrix lestrange. she was in the middle of a war? in my personal opinion i don’t think that she wanted to hand harry over out of cruelty like. it’s possible? but maybe she was just scared? also don’t we know that pansy was terrified at the thought of like. voldemort coming to hogwarts? again: everyone expects all of the children in harry potter to be these selfless brave individuals,, they’re kids :( yes ik it’s ya fantasy but cmon. they were supposed to be stressed about the N.E.W.T exams not the upheaval of their society?

and don’t get me wrong i know that she was. not a good person. she was a bitchy teenage bully who was taught hateful views. but i wanted to see her change even a little– even draco marries someone who presumably teaches him how to treat people equally? like. there was so much room for change: she was a prefect, she was capable of some kindness seeing as she liked draco, or alternatively, we could’ve seen her break away from draco and potentially stop hating harry/all his friends quite so much or develop her own opinions. or maybe her group of friends that she used for validation throughout her school years was uprooted during the war and she had to learn that independency? or her pointing out harry could’ve been turned into trying to be selfless, like she thought they’d be safe that way, or she returned later fighting with reinforcements to show she was on Hogwarts’ side. jkr is always like "well they technically came back to fight, if you squint » but that’s not enough. also? let’s say we did get a glimpse of her during the actual battle: there could’ve been anything, the smallest scene, that showed some sort of support or reconciliation or something between her and hermione, considering how hermione was often pansy’s target. everybody wants to see forgiveness between draco and harry because of minor events/details (i dislike drarry but that’s besides the point), but imagine what could’ve changed with some semblance of apology or assistance from pansy to hermione. there were so many chances for r*wling to give her a smallest redemption

but instead we got her characterized as evil and a stupid, cowardly traitor. she the only person we ever see her care for marries her friends younger sister. she’s the written depiction of jkr’s bitterness and her arc is jkr’s vengeance.

also, another reason that i’m so mad she got nothing is because of the whole slytherin=evil thing. she’s made into a stereotype of a “slytherin”— cruel, selfish, shallow, ugly, and asinine. (also i could rant about slytherin forever, but can we just mention that jkr consistently refers to slytherins as physically ugly and just how fucked up that is? i– wtf). but anyway: to give pansy a chance to change is to give the slytherin house a chance to change its reputation. trying to justify that the slytherin house got its redemption because of the actions of ppl like snape or regulus, etc isn’t possible. because all of those “slytherin heroes” were described again and again as being “different from all the other slytherins”. they set themselves apart by being decent. they weren’t normal slytherins, no, they were set apart, they were brave and smart and kind— not evil. there’s no redemption to be found there. i wish jkr would just fucking say that being sorted into slytherin was being made into a villain. she dodged around it with rhetorical questions and pointing out how not All of them are bad,, and then will go on to mock the other slytherins and talk about how the heroes were Not Like The Other Snakes... again: there’s no redemption of slytherin as a house, as a quality, as a concept there. it’s just the redemption of an individual.

in pansy, however, we could’ve found so much more. like i said, she’s The Average Slytherin: not a hero, not a villain like voldemort. she’s made out to be a depiction of the typical slytherin student, one without a “destiny”, so to speak. and so to give her the chance, to see her change, to have her redefine herself? that would be a starting point for restoring slytherin as a whole (obviously not the best way, and the real best thing to do would be not to make an entire house be the bad guys in the first place, but–) to have someone who’s the figurehead of slytherin (like actually a figurehead,, girl is a even a prefect) show remorse and growth gives the entire house the seed of redemption. it would mean that after over a thousand years there could be peace between the houses. obviously not the only factor in reconciliation but still so important.

and not to just continue to heap on my own issues with it, but look. i know that there are so many other ways to introduce “mundane” antagonists without making them a symbol of anything. pansy could’ve been a bitch without representing slytherin. also pansy doesn’t have to break character and become kind for amends to be made. they don’t even have to be fully made, just started. but jkr chose to:

a.) go with bullying as a minor antagonistic element

b.) create and develop a character around that theme

c.) make this character only based on her own negative personal experiences

d.) turn that character into a representation of a much larger group of people

e.) deny that character any final moment that could begin to make amends for her actions and instead, chooses to make her “defining” moment an act of evil and cowardice

f.) either neglects the character or chooses plot points that would humiliate the character in all the glimpses of the future we are shown (ex. how dracos marriage is)

g.) openly mocks and insults the character repeatedly and never directly comes out and proves she didn’t write slytherins as evil

h.) to the best of my knowledge, ignores that pansy personifing slytherin, whether intentionally or unintentionally, and then characterizing both as “bad” and not giving them a chance to grow, is a summary of her thoughts on slytherin ls and is a possible interpretation of the text (i mean her opinions are already TRASH)

i. ignores the consequences of this or the possible effect it has on her entire fanbase and doesn’t seek to remedy it

but yeah, jkr, it was such a good idea to base a character off of your loathesone memories, take your anger out on her, and that choose to have that character partially represent a large percentage of your fanbase. thank you sooooo much. i really appreciate it!

summary:

I. Pansy— deserved an opportunity to have some character development. everyone else’s mistakes get overlooked to some degree save hers. had so many places to draw inspiration/opportunity from. could’ve progressed other ideas in the book and the analysis of her house while still remaining a “dislikable” character

II. Writing— from a “technical?” aspect, Pansy is underdeveloped and stagnant, used for personal reasons instead of as a plot device. perpetuates the slytherin=bad idea via a sloppy and repetitive characterization and emblem. there are ways around this that weren’t used.

III. I have no qualifications to be saying any of this lmao. Am I reading to much into it, knowing that Rowling tends to be shitty with writing details? Am I being dramatic and repetitive? probably!

IV. Fuck JKR (for everything. she’s an awful person)

anyways this has been: my mini-rant on pansy and her analysis,,, and i am terribly sorry,, i offer my apologies in advance for randomly dumping this into your inbox. it’s long and opinionated and there’s no real reason behind it! i just thought of it and then thought about it some more and then. here we are

ilysm mwah <3 should’ve definitely done something more productive but shh😭 rat brain hours

this is everything, you're completely right. i don't have much to add but i agree all the way. and people give pansy so much shit for the harry thing but she seemed genuinely scared of voldemort coming back and i really think that she believed he would leave them alone if they gave him up. from her perspective, it's either her and the people she cares about get to live or this guy that she not only isn't close to but probably sees as the bad guy considering she dated/was best friends with draco and witnessed their rivalry from his side. did she make the best decisions? no, not at all but i see her reasons and i don't think it makes her this antichrist that jkr makes her out to be. she pulled the “he's just a boy” with draco and had people sympathise with him when he did so so much worse than pansy did so why doesn't that apply to her? she's a kid. they all are. i love harry, ron, and hermione SO MUCH but jkr really said fuck everyone who isn't them ─ especially any girl who isn't her precious hermione. she projected her own pettiness onto fictional characters who are CHILDREN and proceeded to get upset when people connected to and loved other people that she herself made. creating such an underdeveloped character and expecting people to hate her just because she imagined her as her bully is beyond immature and ridiculous. anyways. jkr take a fucking chill pill and leave my girl alone.

#pansy parkinson

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