#it’s not a good combination and it makes me a bit varied emotionally
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the thing about grief is everyone’s like “it’ll never get smaller but you’ll grow around it” and yeah that’s true. i definitely have grown around my grief and it’s not constantly all-consuming anymore. but it hasn’t gotten smaller, and i don’t think people realise what that means. i think people figure it’ll feel smaller because they did grow around it, but it just means that it’s on the back of your mind now instead of at the forefront. you can do things and live your life without constantly only thinking of your grief. but sometimes it will also make itself known and the sheer enormity of your grief will overwhelm you because ultimately it’s the same size as the day it arrived
#as always with my grief posting. i’m ok. i just have a hard time around winter and february especially#today is my birthday. the day after tomorrow is when my dad died#it’s not a good combination and it makes me a bit varied emotionally#this is the first year i can’t be with my family for the anniversary of his passing so it’s just hitting extra hard right now#also his yarzheit was yesterday. so.#dead dad club#grief#vent tw#yall can rb this btw
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I saw your response about ships and decided to see what you thought about some of the rare ones I like! I thiiiink you encountered these at one point on the book club but perhaps not.
Nero/Solus(rehydrated)
Nero/Exarch
Nero/m!wol
Varis/wol
Emet/Exarch/Nero
The Chais/wol
The Chais/Innocence (these here and below literally just occurred to me, but...)
The Chais/Exarch
The Chais/Emet
Innocence/Exarch
I'm actually not in the bookclub! But I have heard mention of some of these pairs!!
There's a lot here so I'll do a cut :3
Nero/Solus
When you say rehydrated I'm assuming you mean like, the more youthful Solus? I think if anything Nero would be way too fascinated by the allagan cloning and it was just irritate Solus gjdsgjds I could see them as like fwb but without the friends part lol colleagues with benefits I guess?? I get the sense Nero has a really hard time being emotionally vulnerable but likes to have fun physically at least
Nero/Exarch
Okay omg... I have to tell you... I had this like cracked AU idea before that like, Nero ended up as the exarch instead?? Like since he was really trying to stay inside the tower at the end of the CT quests I was like hey what if he did... So I don't think it's a stretch to imagine they both ended up in there! Hundreds of years of isolation with just the two of them, I think they'd spend a lot of time deep in their research and work but would eventually develop some sort of codependency. I think that would be interesting to see! :D
Nero/m!wol
I think it would depend on the wol's backstory but I think it could be interesting! Wol/npc stuff is always tricky to navigate because I think where it's great with one wol it doesn't work with another, so I think it's a bit hard to answer since one half of the ship is always going to be up to interpretation since it's an OC. But I think just looking at it from Nero's perspective, I could see it starting as another competitive sort of thing with Cid-- feeling like he's stealing the wol away from him, whether or not Cid had romantic interest in the wol or not, but just wanting to claim something against him in their neverending rivalry. I do like that you specified m!wol too because I can't imagine Nero with a woman personally
Varis/wol
So I actually do ship Varis with an OC! Not the wol though, the OC is Zenos' mom although I know technically she does have a name in canon now but I pretend I do not see it lol. It's a really tragic ship the way I do it because it leans into azemet kind of, where she wasn't Azem but was an ancient who was with Emet and is now sundered and married to Varis. To kind of compound their already bad family dynamic and make Emet sadder lol (affectionate).
But speaking of Varis specifically with the wol, I think that could be really interesting too! I think back to that scene in the stormblood patches where he absolutely owns the whole alliance and they're all scrambling like oh shit we actually know next to nothing about this guy what the fuck dsgjsdj iconic scene and one of my favorite parts of the game, but I would want to think that's where there's a turning point for the wol. They're like fascinated with him and feel so conflicted about everything. I think it would be a really good launching point for an AU where the wol switches sides and I would love to see it :D
Emet/Exarch/Nero
Well I love Emet/Exarch already so I think adding Nero into the mix would be interesting as well! I feel like it would be a combination of my answers above for Nero/Solus and Nero/Exarch. Possibly brings out the vindictive shitty side of Nero if he was already getting codependent with the Exarch (I could see him acting that way toward the wol as well) and I think it would be a really destructive relationship for the three of them. But that's sort of the appeal of Emet/Exarch anyway imo, that they make each other worse and I think adding Nero to that would just compound it
The Chais/others
I will combine these all into one answer because it is going to be the same (possibly disappointing) one: I love the Chais but I really don't see them having an open relationship. I feel this way about the Leveilleurs too, and I know it's popular with both of them to have it be an open relationship. I am just really passionate about being a monogamous wifeguy and so I absolutely project that onto m/f ships gdsjgjds Extremely weak for the devoted husband who is kind of insufferable otherwise but he's just a gooey sweetheart with his wife 🥺 it's too relatable for me so I can't bring myself to ship it as poly due to it having that personal sort of connection for me. I'm sorry!! 😭
Innocence/Exarch
I hadn't thought of this before but it's an interesting thought 👀 Sort of like a bad end scenario, I feel like? The Exarch was ready to throw himself away in that moment so why not let himself be corrupted? Or consumed? My brain immediately goes to body horror type of stuff for them and it's a lovely thought, I will need to ponder this one more ☺
I hope you found my thoughts on these interesting! Thanks for the ask! I definitely hadn't considered a lot of these before!!
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Context: 2012, pt. 1
This particular year is what you might call A Big Oof.
It's going to be fairly lengthy, so we'll split it up across kind of a lot of posts.
New Living Arrangements
This will sound like starting in the middle, but I think it contextualizes the rest in a more orderly way.
In September of 2012, CatHaus (the 7-person apartment I'd been in) parted ways, and I moved in with my bestie, his partner, and one of his partner's close friends. The new digs werw a technically smaller, one-floor apartment that we had more leeway to modify because it was a bit of a train wreck. The pipes weren't in the walls, the insulation was horse hair, and there was a shower stall trapped in the back stairwell that led down to the single washer/dryer shared across the building.
I loved this apartment. I spent four or five years there, which is the longest I've lived in a single place since moving out of my parents' house for college.
I was initially trepidatious about this move. My bestie and his partner had been together for around a year at the point that we were making decisions about housing. (Boston operates on a September 1st lease cycle, for the most part, but you generally need to lock in your housing by March if you're on that schedule.)
I wasn't really convinced that their relationship would last, not because of anything about them but because neither my bestie nor I had gotten a romantic relationship past the two year mark; indeed, my bestie had only had one partner, a friends with benefits (me), and a couple of passing flings prior to dating his current partner. From a collegiate perspective, it was more reasonable to assume that they would split than that they would last. Additionally, many of our mutual friends were quite convinced that the relationship was doomed to failure because my bestie had changed greatly since it started.
Unbeknownst to any of us at the time, this change was because he had been emotionally abused in the prior relationship and he was now becoming himself again. "Himself," however, was a version of him that few, if any, of them had ever met.
I signed on to the lease despite my misgivings. I didn't want to live apart from my bestie, and it wasn't like I had a better idea. Moreover, my bestie's partner (by now we were friends, too) and the other lingering roommate were more or less pushing a third roommate out of their apartment in order to make space for me. It's sort of hard to turn down that kind of determination.
The arrangement worked out, though, and the four of us grew very close. The fourth roommate, whom we'll call Tiger, worked in game dev and would ultimately be an inroad to that industry for me, in addition to being a good friend. My bestie, whom we'll call Deer from here, and I's relationship improved as we cohabitated in a smaller group, and my bestie's partner, whom we'll call Coyote, and I simply grew closer as time went on. (If you're wondering, I was Fox in this animal-based arrangement.)
I think we basically all spoke the same, semi-nonverbal language and had similar thoughts running around in our heads. We were able to be weird with each other in a way that wasn't about being in art school or having less-than-mainstream interests but which was about what we called our animal-ness. In hindsight, it's likely that we shared varying forms of neurodivergence that happened to communicate similarly and play nicely together when combined.
Whatever it was, there's something truly liberating about being able to make weird, non-words noises and be understood intuitively. We were a collective of weird creatures, and we were a family.
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The Fabelmans (dir. Steven Spielberg)
-Jere Pilapil- 7.5/10
The combination of the World Cup and my nascent addiction to the game Deathloop have really forced me to stray from watching movies, let alone trying to express my thoughts on movies I’ve seen. So I wound up seeing The Fabelmans twice, once because a friend invited me and again because my in-laws wanted to go (and my wife didn’t tell them I’d already seen it, to their surprise).
Judging from the commercials, Steven Spielberg’s The Fabelmans is a semi-autobiographical movie about a young boy growing up loving film and navigating prickly parental relationships. The advertising makes it look like trite Oscar bait: a movie about how life-changing and romantic movies are; a personal coming of age story; a performance-focused work where the actors can be real quiet AND THEN SHOUT A MONOLOGUE for the nominations reel. But, if any director has earned the right to do such a movie, it’s Spielberg. And if any director could probably do that kind of movie in his sleep, it’s also probably him.
For better and worse, The Fabelmans is a more complicated and interesting movie than all that, though. Gabriel Labelle plays Sammy Fabelman (Mateo Zoryon Francis-DeFord plays him as a child), a teen aspiring filmmaker. The movie’s centered on him, but it’s always emotionally centered on him. The movie has an interesting tendency to let Sammy fall into the background a little bit as the film searches for empathy in the people around him such as his father (Paul Dano), mother (Michelle Williams), family friend Benny (Seth Rogen) or even a high school bully (Sam Rechner). It’s both an odd decison, but an effective one: Sammy’s not quite a cipher, but you can feel him soaking in these moments in ways that would, in real life, echo later on.
Unfortunately, things are a little uneven all over. I’m not necessarily sure that all these good parts fit together well, which might be the most awards bait-y thing about it. There is a through line about Sammy’s love for his family competing with his love of film, as explicated as clear as day in a centerpiece monologue by Judd Hisrch, but I don’t see it as following through on that conflict too strongly. It’s easier to say that this movie’s central thesis is that an artistic temperament and interpersonal relationships affect each other in varied, unpredictable ways. Sometimes Sammy sees things in his films he doesn’t like, and sometimes others see things of themselves they don’t like. On a subplot-by-sublot basis, this is all interesting but doesn’t quite hang together.
Much of the heart of the film is taken up by Sammy’s relationships with his parents, which feels like an uneasy mix of ideas: the script lets the parents down a bit, their dichotomy established in the first scene and set in stone. Michelle Williams plays Sammy’s mother as a warm but unpredictable, occasionally manic presence. Paul Dano plays the father as a brilliant but emotionally distant engineer. Both of them, in a way, lack dimension in the way a child might view their parents, but this instinct clashes with the film’s attempts to center their emotional experiences over Sammy’s.
Seeing it twice, I was hoping to be able to make some of the movie feel a bit more cohesive to me, but couldn't quite do it. The benefit of seeing it twice, though, is seeing where Spielberg-as-craftsman shines. Scenes and settings parallel each other in ways that create interesting juxtapositions. As though wearing his upbringing on his sleeve, Spielberg quietly creates a precise film that could make an engineer proud, but one that’s stilly messy and hard to pin down, especially emotionally, as it unfolds. There is something very respectable about that, but it isn’t an easy one to love. I can list all the little things I noticed about this (and this here is a lot of them), but this one didn’t make me love movies as much as its protagonist does.
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Today I come to you and humbly request some 18 month time skip Zoscar headcanons
-🦎
(using that as my signature from now on, but I'm the same anon who's been sending you a bunch of hc asks lately 🙃)
Hello 🦎!!
I think that a few of these might not align with canon but they align with my heart and isn't that enough?
(this got longer than I intended it to but I have a lot of feelings, apparently)
The team
Wilde, Barnes, Carter and Zolf travelled to Japan together. In that time, it became clear that the teams that worked best with one another were Zolf and Wilde and Barnes and Carter.
However, they still worked as varying combinations up until Wilde's incident, which I think happened relatively early and signalled a turning point for all four of them. I think Wilde used to go on missions - scouting, info gathering, etc. - relatively frequently before he was hurt. They couldn't afford not to have him on the front lines. But after, he was physically and emotionally scarred, and saw his strength being in admin, not action, especially without his magic.
Wilde's scar was given to him by someone he trusted and he had to work hard not to shut the other three out as he healed from that betrayal. It was a very very long process for him, but he found that easier to do with Zolf, because Zolf didn't coddle him, just made sure he healed, made him look after himself. Enforced self care.
The scar
Post scar, Wilde’s way of dealing was to throw himself into work, so the only times he’d leave his office would be to eat with the team or check in on their training.
He and Carter would sit under the overhang at the edge of the inn, safe from the rain, and watch Zolf and Barnes spar - each focused on a different man, but for the same reason.
Wilde found a great fondness for sitting in the kitchen while Zolf made dinner, watching the way he grew into his skills, taste testing and doing a little paperwork before dinner.
The familiarity
Having said all this, Wilde grew warmer, not colder, as time went on. This is very important to me, because Zolf knows he can be warm and is soft with him and encouraging when Azu and Hamid arrive. They know each other so well by that point, in a way that can only have come through spending time together, through arguments and teasing and banter and friendship. It's very important to me that they're friends.
I think that Wilde still had his bad days though. They all did. And on those days Zolf would take dinner to his office and sit with him, and talk to him, and help him get out of his head. Or, if Wilde was in a foul mood, he'd sit across the room and study dwarves and the weather until Wilde wanted to talk, if he did at all. If he didn’t, that was okay too.
Wilde would withdraw every time he thought about the fact that Zolf was going to have to go to Shoin's eventually. He had to reconcile that his presence would harm more than help, but that Barnes and Carter would keep Zolf safe. Probably. Hopefully. Gods, he was relieved when Hamid and Azu arrived and he got the intelligence about Cel. At least he'd have a backup team in Barnes and Carter to rescue them(him) if everything went wrong.
The bond
I think Wilde fell for Zolf quietly and over a long period of time. I wholeheartedly believe he was in love with Zolf (and knew it) long before Hamid and Azu turned up. For Zolf, I think he realised he cared what happened to Wilde much sooner than he factored in that his emotions about the man ran deeper. Whether he got there in Japan or not… I'm not sure. I fluctuate on that a bit.
I think Zolf realised he was putting more effort into things like meals to get Wilde to smile. Spending ages to get the flavour just right and Carter teasing him about it and it just not connecting in his brain why he's putting this extra time in. And then Wilde smiles at the scent of dinner and he smiles, and his heart aches a little less.
Zolf and Wilde would both have atrocious dreams, even with Wilde’s shackles and Zolf’s new faith. This led to them spending a lot of the wee small hours in each other's company, falling asleep in each other's beds and not mentioning it in the morning - sneaking out, even, and smiling when realising how ridiculous that was.
Zolf introduced Wilde to Campbell novels during quarantine, when there was nothing else to read. Wilde insisted he didn’t like them, and was annoyed at how good they are. The perfect pulpy racy nonsense to get you through seven days in a cell.
Them
Their bond, whether romantic or not, is forged through hardship but also through actually having the time to get to know one another. It’s slow, but that only makes their resulting relationship stronger. They’re truly, as Ben and Alex said, the only ones that can weather each other’s bullshit and that gets me so good.
As much as I enjoy writing them in an established relationship in Japan and will definitely continue to do so, I do think it works nicer if they were holding off on getting together until the airship literally forced their hand. Just for the sheer emotion of it all.
#rqg#zoscar#zolf smith#rqg oscar wilde#thank you for the chance to ramble like this anon#as always ymmv all headcanons are valid and welcome in this house#🦎 anon
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Word of Honor - Episode 2 Part 2 - Mirror Lake has more Fire than expected
In an interesting twist of fate Zhou Zishu decides to take the nice munchkin up on his offer to crash at his place for a while.
Thumbs up my dood
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Now the fuck are these guys?
Oh cool. Thanks.
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See? Children chants are creepy! Always!
But especially when driven by plort! (plort was a typo but I’m Keeping it.)
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Finally people treating our man with common decency and respect! Who knew he just needed a fancy bookmark?
Oop. Nevermind
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I have discovered the joys of fucking with people and I’m never going back again
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A fuck this guy again. I’m assuming we’re not supposed to like him? But I don’t like him either way. He has no... je ne sais quoi
He boring. Basic. Bland.
It ain’t good.
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Oh and also you know how you wanted us to keep tabs on Zhou ZiShu? Oh well um.. it’s going great! Great! Yeah... except for... we can’t find him.
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Well if this ain’t a whole ass mood?
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Midnight already? Time for the pain pins to poke me painfully!
This sure is a weird version of Cinderella
gross
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Okay okay so normally the 7 torture nails block your chi? I’m understanding? So you can no longer do martial arts. And he would rather die than lose all his martial arts so he put the nails in slowly so that he could still have SOME of his martial arts. But the point of the nails is still that he wants to die and feels he deserves to be punished as well? Right? So having his martial arts helps mediate the pain which lessons the punishment
and if it weren’t for the punishment aspect couldn’t he have just like... faked the nails? Or would they have been able to tell? I mean this is all dramatic and all but where are your motivations Zhou ZiShu?
work with me here
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Hey?! That’s not sunlight?!?
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Love me a good silhouette shot
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And suddenly everything is on fire???
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Rude
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After watching like 4 people get killed in front of him and a lot of fire and ransacking our protragonists finally thinks perhaps he should get himself involved.
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How is everything a fucking boomerang???
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Pffffff I love it
Tunk thunk
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In another interesting development, the boat man from before is important?????
Also our boy is doing his best with that hat
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Okay I know he’s like a master of disguise and all but like he doesn’t seem to be doing much to actually... hide?
Still love his wiggly sword style
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Um take the kid and fucking run maybe????
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*stalks you from a not very inconspicuous distance*
Didja miss me?
No
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Hate to see you leave but love to watch you go
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Fuck I hate being disarmed.
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This place looks strangely similar to the woodshed...
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The fuck are you?
Wouldn’t you like to know?
Yes I would. That’s why I asked
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There’s just nothing quite like a near death experience to bring people together.
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Take this kid and run!
But sir, you don’t seem to understand! I am the Best Boy! I simply cannot just leave you to die.
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Don’t worry kid! You can’t get in trouble anymore! Your dad is fuckin dead! Surely that’ll bring you some comfort!
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Random Local Boatman is surprisingly honorable and happens to be in debt to the father of the kid who was nice to you that morning.
Life sure is weird.
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He doing him best
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Though it is absolutely understandable, he reacts to being touched by that paper the way I react to walking into a spider web.
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Gramps is a badass
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I do have to say these guys do seem to be much better trained than the usual evil henchmen. And you have to appreciate their aesthetic.
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Seriously!! The best boy!!!!!
This man has helped in a little bit exactly once to repay him for his own kindness an this little teenager is willing to just die for him without hesitation.
Like no, son, the two old men are doing this so that YOU live. You have it backwards.
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Surpriiiiise I’m stalking you too!
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Oh no the henchmen are falling into the drawing things out to emotionally torture their prey thing. Don’t y’all know that giving the protagonist time to recover and/or study your moves is how you die? Did you even GO to henchman school?
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ahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Just.. omg. The noise he made. “Dwaaah!!!”
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Okay kid I know you’re young and under a lot of stress and never really got into the whole martial arts training thing but grandpa is doing better than you literally laying down and covered in cuts. Just sayin
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Aw nuts
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*ding*
Please take your protagonist out of the oven as cooktime has been completed.
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The fighting editing style seems to be a weird splice of nice crisp slowmotion view of the action and spliced together jump cuts and zooms that make for an odd kinda hard to follow combination.
But at least I guess they tend to end on ‘cool pose x”
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“Hey, Beggar! You’re good at martial arts. Somehow this surprises me even though I already knew that???”
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Unexpected trust fall ends better than anticipated
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Das gaee
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He’s bendin’ over backwards for you!!
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Unexpected but definitely varied emotional investments on the fact that Gramps is dying.
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Look at him being all humble.
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Ooh he could be in a medical drama. That is the perfect like sad close your eyes and head shake no I’m sorry he’s not gonna make it. Bravo.
Very delicate.
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“Don’t fuckin’ touch me”
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I’m guilt tripping you into a found family and you’re gonna like it punk
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Sick dude, whats your name?
Shit no one’s asked me that before somehow I’m not ready..
Uh.uh... Zhou Xu.
Nailed it.
“Zhou Xu? Naw that doesn’t sound right.”
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May you learn from this never to underestimate, rob, and otherwise harass your local old boat man for you never know when he may force you through guilt and honor into taking on a ward and a quest under penalty of being haunted by his old ass ghost forever
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Uncle Li has died and most of the group is much more upset about it than they would have anticipated that morning.
Poor ChenLing is having a rough day.
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RIP Uncle Li.
So much for living a carefree couple of years lying drunk in the sun.
It looks like even now you can’t escape your responsibilities Zhou Xu.
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Group of hereto-unknown men arrive in poor time to stop the bonfire
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“What’s wrong?”
Um... maybe... fire??
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I say again, thank you for labeling the people I’m supposed to remember.
Also, why did y’all have to wait for orders before checking out the fuckin boats?
Y’all dumb.
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Hey, Wen KeXing, Not trying to throw off your groove or anything but maybe a funeral isn’t the best time for flirting? Perhaps? Maybe?
I know you don’t have an ‘off’ switch but maybe a pause button?
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“are you done?”
“Never.”
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It deadass took y’all this long to introduce yourself? You’ve been stalking him all this time and you never thought to go “btw my name Wen KeXing? Comment t’appelles tu?” Come on man
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Our best boy is having his not best day. D:
Don’t worry. Your new family will stalk/care for you.
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“A-Xiang! Make some food!”
“No shit Sherlock I already did.”
“My ideas are the best. :D”
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Eat your food!
Eat your food!
Eat your food!!
Eat your FOOD!!!
EAT YOUR FOOD!!!!
WILL SOMEONE PLEASE EAT YOUR GODDAMN FOOD?
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“Oh my GOD we get it you can fucking read! Oh my god.”
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If I prove I can read too will you pass me a damn pancake?
Fuck yeah.
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GOD DAMN IT SOMEONE EAT FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK
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Um excuse you this group only has room for one little bitch and it ain’t fuckin you, you hear me little girl?
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I am very sorry. Thank you for saving my life. I would like to re-assert my status as “best boy”.
HEY WHAT THE FUCK????
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Wen KeXing: 👀
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Please increase your friendship level before asking personal questions.
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Nya Nya you were useless when your home was burned to the ground and your family was killed waaaaah how pathetic are you!!
Can you fucking not?
My B.
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BEST BOY INJURED THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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Our Man Zhou ZiShu respects bodily autonomy!
Do not touch my fuckin’ boy or I will fight you!
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And we end the episode with Wen KeXing being horny on main!
Sir, keep it together. There are children present.
#Word of honor#Shanhe Ling#zhou zishu#Wen Kexing#zhang chengling#Gu Xiang#Writing WoH#spoilers#Episode 2
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what would you say are the differences between 616 Tony and MCU Tony? 🤔
Hi anon! Many people have talked about this and I'm certainly not the authority on the topic, but I’ll try my best to explain some of the major differences that I have noticed! Thank you for asking and I’m sorry it took me so long to answer you.
Important to note: neither version of Tony has had a totally consistent characterization. Depending on who you ask and which comics/movies they've consumed, they might give you a different answer here and not be wrong.
616 Tony is even harder to put into one box because his character has been around since Tales of Suspense in the 1950s. That’s a long time. Things have changed over time, under different writers, changing political atmospheres, and outside pop culture influence (including influence from the MCU, unfortunately, in recent years.) You get the picture. So I’ll be making some generalizations and try to be clear about which eras I’m speaking when I make these comparisons, but ultimately, if someone wanted to be contrarian, you could probably refute a lot of what I say here if you cherry pick canon. Which is fair enough! That’s sort of the fun of comics, there’s so much to choose from and something for everyone.
So here are some observations from me, under the ‘read more’.
1. Physical Appearance
This is sort of an easy one, but worth mentioning!
MCU Tony does not look like 616 Tony. RDJ is great, but he would not be most 616 fans’ casting choice on looks alone. MCU Tony is tan, a Malibu man, with brown hair and brown eyes, and RDJ has sort of round facial features (a funny sloped nose, big, round eyes, round forehead, not a particularly sharp or classically “superhero masculine” face.) As you may know, this lends well to certain fanworks and tropes, such as Tony having Bambi eyes.
Or Tiny Tony. He is not actually canonically small, but he's smaller in the MCU than in 616 and from what I can tell, a portion of fandom has latched onto that. He’s a grown man, but RDJ is pretty short, and of slighter build than 616 Tony. RDJ is 5′9, but they make him act in heels, and I believe his canon MCU height is 5′11. Another popular trope I’ve seen is shrinking Tony in fanfic/fanart for a dramatized height difference with Steve, making him weak or fragile; this is fine because everyone has their own taste, but for the official record, he’s a capable, strong guy! Especially in earlier stages of the MCU, in which he’s a bit younger. Tony isn’t just a brain; he carries out his plans with his own two hands! He builds his armor, he remodels his lab, he survives hand to hand combat when he doesn’t have the armor. Muscles!
616 Tony is 6′1 without armor and 6′6 in armor (making him taller than his 616 Steve counterpart in armor and very close to the same height out of armor!) 616 Tony is generally paler with black hair (sometimes the classic blue-black I love so much) and blue eyes, and it obviously depends on the artist, but he has a pretty typically ‘masculine’ face and build. Generally he is drawn with a squared jaw and a high bridged nose (such as in the Extremis storyline, or drawn by Marquez), but again, this varies from artist to artist! Here's some examples of 616 Tonys.
Wait, you might be saying, but I have seen comic panels where Tony has brown hair/brown eyes!
Yep. Due to a combination of forgetfulness, inconsistency, and the MCU bleeding into the general consciousness of the comics, sometimes Tony is randomly depicted in the image of RDJ, or if not in his image, at least visually inspired by the MCU-- hair color and style, eye color, dialogue, etc.
616 fans don’t typically love this; he’s very handsome when drawn this way, of course, (look at him!) But it isn’t really the same character.
Also, MCU Tony has (at least for some of his movies) a reactor built into his chest. While 616 Tony has, at times, been more or less physically connected/dependent to his tech, he doesn’t have the built in reactor (most generally speaking, there are times in comics when he temporarily has the tech built in, but this isn’t really the status quo.)
2. Relationship with parents/ family history
While it is definitely implied in the MCU that Howard was not a good father to Tony, (such as in Iron Man 2 when Tony says “You're talking about a man whose happiest day of his life was shipping me off to boarding school” and “He was cold, calculating, never told me he loved me, never even told me he liked me”), Tony has a different sort of attitude toward Howard in MCU than in 616. It’s kind of weird, and hard to discuss. To me, it seems implied that MCU Howard was emotionally abusive to Tony based on what Tony does say about his childhood, and yet, the films kind of randomly give Howard weird moments of “Well, he tried his best and deep down he loved me the whole time!” forgiveness. MCU has a Howard kink and I'm very cringe-face emoji about it.
For example, Iron Man 2 shows that old film reel of Howard talking about how Tony is the greatest thing he ever created, and in Endgame, when Tony goes back in time, he meets Howard and has a very weird interaction with him in which Howard declares he would do anything for his son, (to his deeply damaged son who is a new father himself.) Yet, for all his talk, it's his actions that speak, and his actions left Tony damaged, traumatized, and emotionally inept at forming healthy relationships. So.
Sorry. I’m a little bitter. I'm just uncomfortable with how they sort of set up an abuse history but then treated it kind of lightly and Howard gets off the hook as "well, he tried his best" without really acknowledging the hurt he caused.
Avengers: Endgame 2019
I won't go super in depth into the abuse stuff because it's a little touchy and could take up a lot of this post. But.
I’m not against any reconciliation and I do appreciate the fact that a lot of times, victims of abuse feel a desire to forgive and reconnect with their abuser-- my issue with the MCU depiction of Tony and Howard is that Tony never really gets the vindication of his abuse being recognized for what it was before he forgives Howard. To me, that’s not forgiveness as kind of... gaslighting himself that it wasn't as bad as he remembered his own experience being, because of a sense of nostalgia and grief. It’s not the same, and I have issues with it.
However, a lot of my opinion is based on subtext and it is just my opinion; with depictions of abuse, different people are going to react differently, and other people may have found these scenes touching and gotten something positive out of them, and that's totally fine too!
It’s also a bit difficult to talk about Tony’s relationship with Howard in 616, for a few reasons: shifting timelines, lots of canon that I have not read all of, and the fact that it really is difficult to sum up such a complicated relationship.
Right off the bat, I’ll address the basics. I used the same scene in another ask, and I think it's frequently cited in any meta regarding Howard, but in Iron Man Vol. 1, we see more into Tony’s childhood and see Howard verbally abusing his family, drunk, at the dinner table.
Iron Man Vol. 1 #285
We get this scene with adult Tony’s retrospective commentary on how his own issues that he blamed himself for were actually a cycle starting with his father, the insecurity and abuse and alcohol, and that he realizes how much this has influenced him. Both MCU Tony and 616 Tony have some form of “stop the cycle of shame” arcs, but I don’t really see how this works narratively in the MCU because Tony makes excuses for Howard and continues to blame himself for a lot of his own personal struggles, whereas I think there’s just a bit more nuance in 616.
But uh. This isn’t totally true, and in recent years, things got real weird. I choose to ignore this chapter of canon, but in the Dan Slott run, Tony Stark: Iron Man, Tony’s whole backstory gets imploded. For one thing, the little of Tony’s childhood it shows in a flashback is uh. Uh. Well, it’s certainly out of character compared with previous 616 material, depicting Tony as an overly confident poor sport.
Basically, Tony is adopted. Tony has an evil brother. Tony’s biological parents make an appearance, as do his ‘classic’ parents, Howard and Maria. It’s just weird. It’s kind of out there. I’m honestly not a huge fan of this and ignore a lot of it, but it is certainly a difference between MCU and 616.
3. Personality
I’m going to be very general. Both Tony’s have an outer self which they present to the public and an inner self, but they’re a bit different. Both Tony’s have struggled with self loathing, but I think MCU Tony’s actual self worth is a bit higher, even just at some points in time. Even if his ego is part of his facade, I think he does believe some amount of the “I’m awesome”, even if just when it applies to his own work/inventions/saving people. Not to say that these moments of fluctuating self esteem make him egotistical, but this combined with his egotistical act and snarky, non-stop sassy dialogue, he’s quite different in general personality from 616 Tony, who is much more reserved.
Some more recent iterations of 616 Tony have been adapted to reflect the snark of the MCU, but he’s not so snarky and he tends to approach things more seriously. This is not a dis on MCU Tony; I think MCU Tony uses false ego and excessive sassy jokes as a means to deflect and control, which I think is very interesting and it’s nice to see this explored more in depth in fic where you get to see the thought process behind the bravado. MCU Tony is a partier, a good times guy, especially during Iron Man 2, in which he really does disregard consequences to have fun (driving his race car, partying drunk in his suit, letting pretty girls play with the armor, shooting off repulsor blasts for fun in a crowded room); I’m not bashing MCU Tony-- I think he had psychologically understandable reasons for behaving this way, the man was dying-- but 616 Tony really doesn’t act this way generally, and I think it’s a personality difference more than a difference of one being “better.”
616 Tony handles his stress differently, and they just have different psychological patterns, I think. I’m coming up kind of blank trying to think of a good comparable 616 arc, (sorry, I’m brain dead) but a less-than-perfect example might be Tony’s brain delete arc; he’s “dying”, like in Iron Man 2 he knows his expiration date, (circumstances are quite a bit different), but he throws himself more into work, into a cause, and as he really fall apart, we see him spiral into self doubt, remorse, fear, and insecurity, sort of falling into himself with lots of manly tears and calling himself pathetic.
(Some things happen in this arc that a lot of people find Gross. I also find these events gross. But. I don’t count the sex in “World’s Most Wanted” as partying to cope with personal mortality, because I think both character involved are in “end of the world” mode, and it’s more seeking intimacy for comfort than partying to numb the hurt. Does this distinction make sense? No? Perfect, moving on.) 616 Tony is generally much more humble.
Whereas MCU Tony, I think, tries to outrun those feelings via parties or making dozens of new suits, or seeking comfort by comforting others! Gifting things to people, building things for people, highly personalized individual living quarters, teaching Nebula games and trying to show her a fun time when they were in peril together.
They have some traits in common, for sure! But canon being inconsistent both in the MCU and in 616, my observations aren’t the rule, because I’m kind of cherry picking and going based on limited memory. But off the top of my head, they’re both extravagant gift givers! Recall Tony gifting Pepper the giant bunny in Iron Man 3, and compare this with Tony carrying a mile high pile of Christmas gifts after shopping with Rumiko in Iron Man Vol. #3.
I would say that while both Tony Starks are considered humanitarians, this is much more fleshed out and supported by canon in 616. Some examples of his philanthropy in the MCU: Tony makes charitable donations of art and money, Tony has an organization which provides disaster relief/cleanup which is referenced in Spider-Man Homecoming, Tony has an MIT grant for students and staff members. But to be honest, a lot of his MCU philanthropy is only mentioned in passing, or is largely handled by other people on his behalf and on his dollar.
In 616, we see Tony using charity almost as a means of therapy: it’s something he does very privately, not in the public eye (at least, not always), and it’s something deeply personal to him. One example that immediately comes to mind is Tony’s home for disadvantaged girls in Iron Man Vol. 3, and we see scenes of Tony basically driving the streets at night, picking up underage prostitutes, feeding them and listening to their stories before bringing them to a home he’s established where he knows all the residents, and provides educational opportunities and protection.
Another more recent example in canon that the Tony fandom loves is that Tony canonically holds babies at an orphanage. Sorry I don’t have panels for all of this, this section got long and I have been working on answering this ask in a very scattered way for a very long time.
Both Tony’s are romantics, I literally could write a whole other post about their canon love life similarities and differences, but I will briefly say that while MCU Tony does the long on and off, and eventual ultimate commitment, to Pepper Potts, 616 Tony is a serial monogamist; he is always falling in love, and he’s definitely not a playboy, but the hero-ing, self loathing, and lifestyle make it very hard for him to keep anyone in his life, and most of his partners fuck his life up and betray him. Needless to say, 616 Tony is not married, and certainly not to Pepper Potts.
Oh, and I guess this is so obvious I almost forgot to include it, but a huge similarity between both iterations of Tony is that they both constantly use their own life as a bargaining chip, and will pretty much die for anything. Or be the bad guy for a good reason (at least, in his own mind... see Civil War, or Hickmanvengers; 616 Tony, especially, does not shy away from making the hard decisions, and this leads to a lot of guilt and tension in his relationships-- often with Steve because 616 Steve/Tony angst fans are well fed, I guess)
Remember that time Tony had Steve’s mind wiped because Tony felt that Steve’s inflexible morality might hinder the Illuminati’s ability to save the world? And it eats Tony up inside and erupts into a homicidal fight when Steve finally gets his memory back? Me too.
Tony Stark as a character is defined by sacrifice, both of his own life but also of his own happiness and reputation and conscience, I think, in a lot of ways, and we see this in many universes. I could go on about Tony’s propensity for sacrifice in the less obvious ways, because I think in terms of heroic sacrifice, Tony has done a lot that other heroes wouldn’t be able to do because of moral inflexibility and conflicting philosophical schools of thought; Tony really is the “whatever it takes” type, and often believes the ends justify the means if he deems a threat worse than the potential wrong that could be done in preventing the threat. We see this a little bit in the MCU in the creation of Ultron, and in Civil War with the Accords. But there’s a whole lot more going on there I don’t want to get into.
4. Alcohol
MCU Tony’s alcoholism is never really explicitly explored. He is shown drinking in Iron Man 1, and in Iron Man 2 he drinks a lot and makes a fool of himself publicly, but MCU Tony doesn’t get any specific narrative arc focused on his drinking, and if I recall correctly, I don’t think he ever refers to his drinking as alcoholism in the movies? Also, while his binge drinking and embarrassing behaviors ostensibly stop after the events of Iron Man 2, he is shown drinking on screen at least one other time after that which I can remember, and it wasn’t a “falling off the wagon” moment, and an alcoholic in recovery such as 616 Tony would not take a drink casually. This article sheds a little light on some decisions made about Tony and alcohol in the MCU.
Alcoholism is a huge part of 616 Tony’s personality, which I went a bit more into depth about in this post, so I won’t repeat myself too much.
5. Their relationships with the Iron Man armor
A few points here: MCU Tony is famous for the “I am Iron Man” line being repeated throughout the franchise after he blows his own secret in the end of the first movie. MCU Tony sees himself as one with Iron Man, and the suit is the tech that enables him to be this version of himself. He sees Tony Stark and Iron Man as inextricable: you cannot separate them, and his identity is public. He, as Tony Stark, is an Avenger.
You may remember MCU Tony’s induction into the Avengers; in Iron Man 2, Nick Fury is forming the Avengers and tasks the Black Widow with going undercover to assess Tony to be a part of a hypothetical initiative. “Iron Man yes, Tony Stark no” and the comments about Tony as a narcissist may be funny, but the fact is, the snark and erratic personality of MCU Tony at the time of the formation of the Avengers in the movies is not at all like the Tony of the comics, at the time of the Avengers being formed.
In 616, things are quite a bit different! Tony invents the Iron man armor to save himself (like in the MCU) and uses it for hero-ing, but in secret. He works very hard to protect his identity as Iron Man, and for a long time, as far as the world is concerned, Iron man is a mystery man piloting armor built by Tony, hired as Tony’s personal body guard, (hence the 616 Steve/Tony fandom’s proclivity for identity porn as a trope!) When the Avengers form, Iron Man is the Avenger, close friends with the Avengers, (particularly Steve!) and Tony Stark is just the benefactor of the Avengers, providing them with a place to live and finances with which to operate.
In the very early days, Tony did not have the “reactor” like in the MCU, but his chest plate did keep him alive, leading to some very dramatic shots of Tony charging up using a wall socket, lamenting the plight of a secret hero.
616 Tony, generally, and especially in some of these earlier comics, was quite reserved, rather serious, and very angsty, (in private of course.) He may be wealthy, but speaking generally, he’s much less ostentatious than MCU Tony, less of a show off, less into flashy things and grand gestures. Of course, this isn’t always true in the comics, and some iterations of Tony are more like this than others, but MCU Tony is showier, sillier, and more of a fun-times guy. Any MCU fan would find those panels quite contrary to the Tony Stark you know:
Iron Man 1
Iron Man 2
I think I would say that while MCU Tony sees himself and the Iron Man identity and the armor as all being inextricably connected, we see a bit more compartmentalization with 616 Tony, who pretends that the armor is a whole separate person for years when his identity was private, and we see instances in older and newer comics, in which Tony is uncomfortable with some aspect of himself as Iron Man (for instance, during the second drinking arc, Tony temporarily swears off being Iron Man entirely, or for another example, when Tony is in a comma and Tony AI exists during Secret Empire, Tony “lives” in the Iron Man suit, and I think this could be interpreted as a meta parallel to Steve during this arc; Steve has had some core aspect of his character inverted, Captain America becoming Captain Hydra, so Tony experiences a similar inversion-- Tony Stark and Iron Man are forcibly merged, in a way that Tony seems deeply uncomfortable with, if his digital drinking relapse is any indication. But I digress; sorry for the tangent.)
Okay this post is inexcusable long, and very, very tangential, and I don’t feel like I’ve really covered everything I wanted to. But it has been sitting in my inbox for too long and if I don’t post it now I never will, so I hope this long, rambling thing has been a little bit helpful to you! Thank you so much for asking, I had a lot of fun rambling about this.
If you want to read a similar post, but well written and organized, with other insights, this post by Sineala answers a similar question!
#Anonymous#han reads comics#han meta#meta#iron man#tony stark#616 tony stark#616#mcu#long post#han speaks#ask#sorry this definitely gets more incomprehensible as it goes on but i have been writing and rewriting and editing and fretting about this#for so long that if i dont just post it i probably never will and i sunk too many hours into it#to throw it away now 😅#abuse tw#abuse#alcoholism tw#alcoholism
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Match-Up #31
Hi I’m Ana and I’m new at this, if it’s wrong don’t do it. Sorry for my poor english and and I forgot the pet peeves
Ah, hello, Ana @a6r6o6k! I hope you’ll have plenty fun in the fandom :D And don’t worry, it’ll be all good. The match-making shall begin! >:3
*5 positive qualities:
📍I think I’m intelligent (but I don’t really know)
📍 I’m curious: so I like to know the why of the things
📍Loyal: even if I like to see and have other options I always want to keep with the same people
📍I like to help, I’m studying psychology to understand people and help them: if I can help being a psychologist GREAT, if I need to do something else it’s also GREAT.
📍I’m adventurous if I have the security
To begin with, let’s consider intelligence and curiosity together. As per usual in such situations, I’d dare look more so towards the rather intellectual suitors who could match such characteristics - perhaps leaning a bit more towards the encouraging ones, the ones who simply challenge the people around them to think more.
Nobunaga (+2)
Mitsuhide (+2)
Mitsunari (+1)
Masamune (+1)
Shingen (+2)
Sasuke (+2)
Now, loyalty! Hmm... The way you describe it... I suppose it could be understood either as a sign of investing in relationships, even despite some differences... Although I do think some could take it as choosing to stay in relationship at the expense of your ideals. Let’s see how those two approaches balance out.
Nobunaga (+1)
Mitsuhide (-1)
Hideyoshi (+1)
Mitsunari (+1)
Ieyasu (-1)
Masamune (-1)
Kenshin (+1)
Shingen (+1)
Ah, helping others! Oh love, with psychology... I mean, hm, how do I put it? Please, do not become a therapist for all of our Ikemen, because gash, that’s a real threat with how sad most of them is ;-; But, that aside, I think most suitors would understand the drive to help others very well... Although some perhaps a tiny bit more than others.
Hideyoshi (+1)
Ieyasu (+1)
Kenshin (+1)
Shingen (+1)
Adventurous, if provided with enough support? Ha, that brings some suitors to mind! (I picked those who are less likely to suddenly prank their partner with something potentially dangerous, even if just for laughs).
Mitsuhide (+1)
Masamune (+1)
Kenshin (+1)
*5 negative qualities:
📍Picky eater (I can’t eat thing with certain textures like snails, or things very bitter or acid)
📍I’m very pessimistic, sometimes realistic but more pessimistic: I don’t have depression, but there is history of depression in my family.
📍Easily distracted: I have ADD (Attentive Deficit Disorder), so I have the concentration time spam of a fish, even e with the things I like, if I have to use all my attention I can, but if not usually I doing 5 things at the same time.
📍I very disorganised: I think it comes with the ADD but I don’t know
📍I don’t have the knowledge of the social clues, so I’m very talkative sometimes and very silent other times.
Picky eater? Oh, there should be some suitors who could either understand that, or who could try to remedy that... Although the latter option may come with a bit of a rocky start, haha.
Mitsuhide (+1)
Hideyoshi (+1)
Mitsunari (+1)
Masamune (+1)
Hmm... So you say you tend to lean more so towards pessimism? I suppose suitors who would amplify that could be a bad choice... But perhaps those that have more of a soothing, grounding aura?
Mitsuhide (+1)
Hideyoshi (-1)
Mitsunari (+1)
Ieyasu (-1)
Masamune (+1)
Kenshin (-1)
To be honest, I can think of only one character that would be annoyed by deficits of attention. Same with lack of understanding of social situations and such (also, I can high-five you on that).
Ieyasu (-2)
As for being disorganized... I think it could prove troublesome when in relationship with some suitors who also share this characteristic.
Hideyoshi (+1)
Mitsunari (-1)
1st Summary
Mitsuhide (+4)
Shingen (+4)
Nobunaga (+3)
Hideyoshi (+3)
Mitsunari (+3)
Masamune (+3)
Kenshin (+2)
Sasuke (+2)
Ieyasu (-3)
*5 likes:
📍Read: everything (fantasy, culture, history...). Knowledge is power.
📍I would like to travel to learn language to understand people
📍Sweet things: I love sweet things
📍Animals: I wanted to be a veterinarian but I couldn’t enter in the University
📍Listening and observe people
Points distributed for likes:
Nobunaga (+3) - he would agree with such views on knowledge, sweet things, travel
Mitsuhide (+3) - views on knowledge, travel, observing people
Mitsunari (+1) - reading
Ieyasu (+2) - views on knowledge, animals (veterinary in particular)
Masamune (+1) - travel
Shingen (+3) - views on knowledge, sweets, observing people
Sasuke (+3) - observing people, reading, travel
* 5 dislikes:
📍I have a big scar in the side of the chest, combined with a hunched back and two breast of different size it makes me uncomfortable, so my body.
📍Get my freedom limited
📍Have to stay still
📍Just do things because the people talk
📍I have fear to be alone, like not psychically, but emotionally
A break from match-up. Oh love, we all have our imperfections, and what you mentioned in the first point are perfectly human traits. Breasts generally are of a different size, and it can vary a lot - and which is bigger can even change depending on the point in time of your menstrual cycle. Scars tell stories of what we went through and what makes us ourselves. We all have some, smaller, bigger ones, but they are there... And, lastly, as a person who used to have very bad posture (somewhat hunched back and some more): you may want to look into whether it could potentially cause some complications later on. Of course, it may not be a concern, but you know. Caring about your body is very important.
So, with that, some extra points, specifically for suitors who know how to cheer on their lover and who cherish them openly.
Mitsuhide (+1)
Masamune (+1)
Shingen (+1)
Points distributed for dislikes:
Nobunaga (-2) - limited freedom, emotionally aloof at times
Ieyasu (-1) - may give the aura that you have to do something, because he says so, or because somebody says so, some norm says so
Masamune (-1) - emotionally aloof at times
Kenshin (-2) - emotionally aloof at times, limited freedom
Shingen (-1) - emotionally aloof at times
2nd Summary
Mitsuhide (+8)
Shingen (+7)
Nobunaga (+4)
Mitsunari (+4)
Masamune (+4)
Hideyoshi (+3)
Sasuke (+5)
Ieyasu (-2)
Only characters with positive value by their names will be considered in the final stages of the match-up.
* Relationship dealbreakers:
📍I don’t think I have any relationship dealbreakers except the mentioned in the pet peeves(it would be my first relationship), but I would not like be cheated without a reason (you don’t trust me so you don’t tell me the plan, okay; you don’t tell me all the information to tease me, okay; you just lie to me to hurt me, not okay)
📍Okey, may be I have 1 or 2 dealbreakers: I don’t stand people that treats others like garbage just because (if the other did something okay, but just because no)
📍Being ignored
📍People that is very possessive physically and emotionally: I need to talk and touch my friends.
📍People that believe that just because I can’t do things: like “you’re a woman you can’t fight” or “you can’t show so much skin”...
📍People that assume things: I like to be asked.
📍People that touch me without permission: if is a bet or a game I can, but without permission I can’t.
Oh, so I should consider pet peeves as dealbreakers?
* Up to 3 pet peeves: dealbreakers v.2
📍Poor hygiene
📍Be cheated
📍Constant criticism
Nobunaga (+4) & Masamune (+4) - too touchy, may not ask for permission first, they do struggle with the idea of consent at first
Hideyoshi (+3) - may initially assume some things
* 3 Wild Cards:
📍I’m very naive and believe what people say so... if someone says “I don’t like/love you” in the real life I would believe them.
📍I think that I’m like a cat: I want a home base to return but I want to have the freedom to explore my environment. I want to have someone to return but with freedom to leave
📍My type of love is Words of affirmation
Mitsuhide & Shingen (-1) - they may use this sort of naivety and say such things, although they’d most likely have a good reason for it (hence not cross out for meeting a dealbreaker)
*Most disliked characters:
📍Kennyo: I don’t like that he is trying to kill me.
📍Ranmaru: I see him like a little brother
📍Mitsunari: the same as Ranmaru
📍Motonari: sorry Motonari, you’re very hot but the chains and necklaces are out of fashion
Mitsunari (+4)
Final Results
Mitsuhide (+7)
Shingen (+6)
Sasuke (+5)
Mitsuhide
Confessed first:
You, although he didn’t realise you truly did mean it and weren’t just playing a role.
Makes tea in the morning:
Mitsuhide. Having learnt of your problems with focus, he decided to make sure you’d at least eat something in the morning too - it made him realise how he worried others, so to say.
Hogs blankets at night:
There’s no hogging blankets involved. He always has a spare blanket on hand. Sometimes you wonder whether there’s an infinity of blankets hidden around... Although, quite honestly, he is just more likely to go in for a hug if you did steal one from him.
Is the little spoon:
On most days, you.
Possible points for conflict:
Given his line of work, it happens sometimes that he has to pretend, to say things he does not mean. At times he may forget of how literally you take his words as well.
Free time ideas:
Strolling through the town, visiting the marketplace, playing with his pet fox (Chimaki), just resting in the gardens of his manor.
Favourite date spot:
The quiet and cosy teashop in the town.
A secret you share:
He adores how literal you can be, but sometimes... Sometimes it causes for you to overwork yourself, or get otherwise hurt. Whenever such things happen, he gently urges you to stay inside while he lies on your behalf.
His favourite thing about you:
How open you are. He fell for you, which means everything that you are, but he is still amazed by the fact that you dare be so direct and trusting. In his mind, it is a sign of a strong heart.
His message to you:
“What is it, little mouse?”
”You’re not convinced you deserve so much?”
”My, my... Then let me prove to you how gorgeous you are. After all, you’re the only one I dare want.”
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The Hargreeves Kerfuffle Part 2: Family Reunion
The Hargreeves Kerfuffle Part 2: Family Reunion
The Hargreeves siblings x Hargreeves!Reader (Familial Relationship)
BG: The Reader is Number Eight. It follows how you fit into the structure of Season 1 and the family dynamic of the siblings.
This part follows the collapse of The Umbrella Academy during their youth and having the family back together after years apart for the very first time.
I have mashed up the information and some events from both the comics and the tv series. So a heads up for readers who haven’t read the comics, it was hinted in S2 but in the very beginning of the comics, it’s canon that Reginald is indeed an Alien.
The series will consist of 10 parts. Where the reader would have a focused interaction with each sibling. (Eg. After this part, it would be Luther x Reader, then Diego x Reader and so on! –Yes Ben is included)
WC: 4786 (never had I written so much for one part before!)
Contains: Angst. Death- Reginald and Ben (so not exactly a spoiler, but while writing Ben’s scene had my eyes water a bit.) Crap childhood and the Hargreeves being a mess.
A/N: You guys are literally the best! Reading your replies and comments about how much you enjoyed part 1 and are looking forward to the rest of the series, really warms my heart!
>>GENERAL MASTERLIST<<
>>THE HARGREEVES KERFUFFLE SERIES MASTERLIST<<
READ: [PART 1] [PART 3] [PART 4]
>>JOIN MY WRITING CHALLENGE!<<
~
March 21, 2019.
Never had you thought that you would be back here, looking up the gates of The Umbrella Academy, 13 years later.
There was and still is so much pain associated with this building, this entity, this identity of The Umbrella Academy. That you hadn’t seen it coming- well not exactly completely blind to it. Sir Reginald Hargreeves’ upbringing of children-your siblings, your childhood- had always been shit but you had never come close to imaging it to be as emotionally and mentally damaging as it did.
Children at aged 7 finding out they had powers was great. To a kid, it was a dream come true to be a real-life superhero. It all started out as fun and games but soon, training started to be competitions to outshine your siblings-your competitors whist being told to work together at the same time. It was quite a hard concept to grasp as a young kid, but in order to get any attention and praise from a distant father, a kid would do anything.
By the age of 9, the superhero team of ‘The Umbrella Academy’ was officially announced to the world. The group consisted of the 7 Hargreeves children, publicly known as: Spaceboy, The Kraken, The Rumor, The Séance, The Boy, The Horror, and Foresight.
An 8th child with seemingly no superpower, had been secretly tucked away, hidden from the world and too, distanced away from her own siblings. It was though Vanya Hargreeves didn’t exist.
You did try your best to spend time with Vanya and keep the Sunday sister bonding time with her, but with all your training and missions, combined with all her violin lessons and some other private lessons she often go on with in long periods of time - though she wouldn’t mention what they were- there was absolutely no time to be in each other’s presence, so soon you along with the rest of your siblings slip away from Vanya.
At age 10 was a big year for the Hargreeves siblings, they had kind of successfully protected the city of Paris from the chaos of the Eiffel Tower being a spaceship- yes it did flew away but at least the people were saved- The mission became world wide news and soon every move they made caught the public’s eye. With this led to more intense training and additional etiquette workshops to better the group’s public image.
Reginald being a helicopter parent took a toll on the children, who had coped in their own ways. Luther taking the role of ‘leader’ to heart, Diego with his never ending hero complex, Allison using her power to get whatever she wanted, Klaus fell into the world of drugs and alcohol, Five-the rebel who thinks he’s smarter than everyone even dad, Ben into the world of video games, Vanya became ever more quiet and more to herself, and you-a yes person to dad who calls you his most valuable asset that has ever crossed his path, never wanting to let him down.
Things really started to get out of hand at the ripe old age of 13. Breakfast had been a mess, Five had a massive argument with dad and stormed out of the house. You ran after him, caught his coat just as he passed the gate- the very gate you are standing in front of now.
‘FIVE! WAIT!’
‘WHAT?’ He turned, looking angrier as ever.
‘Please don’t leave.’ You place your hand on his shoulder- damn when did he become taller than you? ‘You both can talk this out. Rationalized things out’ You pleaded.
He shook your hand away. ‘Talk? REALLY Y/N? You think good old dad would dare listen to someone younger than him? TO HIS OWN CHILDREN?’ He snorted. ‘You are daft y/n. I thought you were smarter than this-‘ Five sighed. ‘But a guess you are too much of a daddy’s girl to see things clearly.’
‘I know you didn’t mean that’ You stammered, not letting the tears fall. ‘that’s just your anger talking.’
‘oh but I do mean it. Now if you’d excuse me, I have to get going to prove dad wrong.’
Five makes a step forward but you blocked his way
‘GET OUT OF THE WAY Y/N’ He pushes you. ‘I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE ANYMORE.’
As you fell to the ground, you see him blip away.
That was the last time anyone had seen Number Five and his final words still haunts you to this day.
‘get out of the way y/n! i don’t want to see your face anymore.’
To make matters worst from having a sibling disappear and to never come back was to have another sibling lose his life.
The media was quick to publish the news. It was all the tabloid and news outlets seem to care about. The headline would vary but all in all still carry the same heart-breaking news. Be it from ‘The Horror dies in mission.’ , ‘The Umbrella Academy loses the life of another of its members.’ to ‘RIP to teen superhero Ben Hargreeves aka The Horror.’
Oh Ben, dear Ben. Why must he be taken away? You thought. Why?
The mission was meticulously planned and prepared for. You were sure to have extracted all the information on what was to go down and what the villains’ moves were from your vision.
You had memorized that every aspect of that dream- you had 2 weeks to prepare. Everyone was supposed to be safe, but why wasn’t Ben?
Why didn’t reality play out as to what you foresaw? You had never slipped up before. Why had the one time you did cost you the life of your beloved brother? Why?
While sobbing your eyes out onto Ben’s grave, a memory of what seemed so long ago came rushing back.
~
>>‘I’m sorry y/n.’ He said leaning on your door frame.
‘Ben!’ You exclaimed. ‘I’m so glad you’re back up and running!’
Ben was caught off guard. ‘You—You’re not mad at me?’
‘Why would I be mad at you?’ You questioned, genuinely confused at your brother’s words.
‘Cause, Cause I almost got you killed. I am a monster.’
You sat up straight at those words, your ribs hurt a bit at the sudden movement, but you didn’t care. Your brother was blaming himself for something he couldn’t have controlled.
‘NO BEN!’
Ben jumped from your sudden outburst.
You motioned for him to come closer.
‘Ben…’ looking into his eyes. ‘Ben you are no monster.’
‘But—’
‘uuh uh I’m not done’ You held his hand in yours. ‘You are no monster what happened then was an accident, nobody knew, heck nobody expected powers to just show up. It was beyond anyone’s control. It took us by surprise.’
His shoulders relaxed.
‘It wasn’t your fault. I don’t blame you for what happened.’
He gave you a bone crushing hug. ‘Thank you y/n. You don’t know how guilty I was feeling.’ Voice muffled by your shoulder, which is now wet with his tears. ‘I kept thinking about the pain I caused you and I wasn’t allowed to leave my room even when I begged dad to see you and say sorry. y/n’
‘Shhh shhh’ Rubbing his back. ‘It’s alright Ben. What’s important is that we’re all here now. Alive, Safe and sound.’. <<
~
‘I’m sorry Ben…’ You choked out.
‘I’m so sorry Benny…’ Wiping his gravestone of your tears. ‘I—I got you killed. I am a monster. I am THE monster.’ You hiccupped. ‘It is MY job to keep everyone same, to do the reconnaissance, to ensure that everyone in the frontline is safe. It is my power to foresee what could go wrong, to avoid disastrous mistakes. And….and I failed, Ben. I failed. I failed you, dad, The Umbrella Academy.’
‘I miss you Ben so much…’ You lie down with an arm across the lawn. Picturing that is was him you’re hugging, that he is really there.’ more than your annoyingly sweet ass could ever believe. I wish you were here Ben, safe and sound. And if you could hear me Ben, I wish you could forgive me.’
Your eyes slowly fall shut from the emotional guilt you’re feeling but a warm breeze passes through like a warm embrace lightening the heavy burden within.
A soft whisper of reassurance and familiar words brings you to peaceful rest.
‘I forgive you y/n. It wasn’t your fault. I don’t blame you for what happened.’
You stirred from your sleep as you felt yourself lifted from the ground.
‘Careful Diego! You might wake her up.’ You hear Klaus say.
All this trauma, stress and was just too much to handle by minors and as quickly as all your powers came, the same goes for the people who left.
Klaus was the first to leave the academy at age 16, who choose to be self-checked at a rehab centre, stating that that was a way healthier environment then this shithole that was ‘home’. Who could blame him? Especially when you yourself were planning to leave.
As much as you wanted to get up and leave in the dead of night, you can’t. You don’t have the heart to leave your remaining siblings behind. No, not in this environment. If you were to leave, you wanted them to go with you, to at least know they would have a good life ahead.
Under Reginald’s watchful eye, it would take time to sort the plan out, but it would be worth it.
And you know just the person to talk to.
‘Heyya Diego.’
‘You’re up to something y/n/n and I don’t want to be in any part of it.’ He says without glancing your way. ‘Not after the pineapple incident.’ Diego’s eyes finally landing on you.
Rolling your eyes, you chuckled. ‘Oh come on Diegs! That was years ago! It was just a childish prank—’
Diego gives you the finger.
‘-Oi! It is not MY fault what Luther did to you; besides you were supposed to take the EAST stairwell, NOT the West.’ You say matter of factly, shaking your head. ‘Ughh no, we are getting out of topic. Diego, I need your help and you have to promise not to tell anyone-’
‘You’re devising a getaway plan, aren’t you?’
Your brows scrunched together. ‘How’d you—’
‘I’m not blind y/n, I recognised the look of someone who too is planning to escape.’
You raise a brow. ‘Too?’
‘Yes, Too.’ Diego edges closer to you. ‘Now, why don’t we save the trouble of potentially ruining each other’s individual schemes and join forces. Team up. More brainpower. And whatnot. Deal?’ Offering his pinky out.
You ignored the outstretched gesture. ‘What happened to being a lone wolf huh? I thought that was your thing now?’ You countered.
‘Like a said y/n, the more brainpower, the higher the success.’ He explained. ‘Say, we do manage to get out or perhaps just leave, like Klaus. Where would we go? Where would you? Hmm?’
‘I… I…’ You honestly don’t know.
‘Exactly. That’s why we team up and once we’re out of here. We stick together for a while till we get back on our feet and figure out what we want then go our separate ways.’
You nod, digesting his words. It seems like a solid plan with ample flexibility before deciding on what to do with your life after. But….
‘Okay…..’
‘Okay!’
‘…On one condition. It would not only you and me. We’ll try to get to convince the others to come along too.’
‘What?! y/n no, that’s too many people on the plan-‘
‘More brainpower, higher the success. Your words Diego. Not mine.’ You retaliated. ‘Besides, we can’t just leave everyone here. It’s miserable here. They’re family Diego.’
‘Fine we’ll tell Luther and Allison.’
‘Everyone, Diego.’ You stared him down. ‘And that includes Vanya. No buts.’
‘Ugh.Fine.’ He points a finger towards your face. ‘We tell Luther, Allison AND Vanya. But I swear y/n if anyone of them rats us out or backs out of the plan. We leave them behind. No pity if they choose to stay in this shithole of a house. They are old enough to make their own decision and to face the consequences.’ He leans back to the bed’s headboard. ‘That’s my final offer. Deal?’
‘Deal.’ You interlock your fingers, sealing the pinky promise.
It was easy to get Vanya on board, as she was the child that received the crappiest treatment from dad. Allison was hesitant at first but after convincing her the real world had so much more to give compared to that of the imaginary perfect bubble she created for herself here in the academy with the use of her power, she was on board.
Luther that ever loyal ‘leader’ of the academy would never dare cross dad, the idea wouldn’t have even crossed his mind. Diego had failed to make him see reason and so have you. Luther only came around to be a part of the escape because Allison had agreed to it.
It took almost 6 months. The time has come. You all had saved up enough money to rent a loft apartment downtown and pooled enough to last at least 3 months on your own.
At 1:00 am. All the remaining 5 Hargreeves are to ready with their backpacks to sneak out in groups, boys and girls, and meet at the rendezvous point, Giddy’s Doughnuts. There, a van would be available for them to drive to the apartment.
The boys were to go first, as to let Diego deactivate the security features of the house while Luther stands guard.
It was only supposed to take 15 minutes tops, it was 20 minutes past now. Something was wrong.
Deciding as a team to check up on the boys, you, Allison and Vanya head down to the foyer.
Upon arrival, you see Luther with his hands covering Diego’s face, Diego who seem limp as a log.
‘Luther what’s going on?’ Allison’s voice rang out beside you.
‘I’m sorry….’ He looks down unto the unconscious Diego in his arms. ‘I just… I just couldn’t.’
‘Number Eight! How could you! How could all of you! Three! Seven!’
The room seemed to turn colder by the sound of the voice. You turn and see Sir Reginald Hargreeves.
‘Dad…’
‘YOU ARE ALL A DISGRACE.’ Reginald spitted.
‘But dad!’ Luther pleaded. ‘I was the one who informed you about their plan!’
‘ENOUGH! NO MORE OF THIS FOOLISHNESS, BACK TO BED---’
‘That’s right NO MORE dad!’ Shouted Allison. She glances at dad then at Luther. A frown etched her face as she commanded. ‘I heard a rumor that you couldn’t move your legs.’
The effect was immediate. The lower half of Reginald and Luther stayed still as a rock while they tried their best to break free. But alas, Allison had the upper hand. ‘I heard a rumor you let us go freely.’ At once, both men calmed down.
And to add insult to injury. Allison focused on Reginald and rumoured ‘And you would leave Diego Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves, Vanya Hargreeves, Y/n Hargreeves and Allison Hargreeves alone.’
Luther’s betrayal felt like a stab in the back.
Moving on and creating a new life from the ground up for oneself was hard but having your siblings with you had definitely made it easier.
It took a while to get the hang of things, being 4 young adults with nothing. You missed Mom and Pogo, but you knew that they, like Luther would stick with Dad.
Vanya was the first to take up stack, she provided the finance to pay rent and groceries with the salary she would get from her violin performances at the local theatre. Soon Allison would also chip in from the money she received from her acting gigs.
Diego showed interest into joining the police academy while you wanted to get away from the lifestyle as much as possible, opted to move across the country and pursue tertiary education-because that was what normal 18-year-old do right? For once you want to be ordinary and what better way than experience what student life is all about.
Though there is one teensy detail that was hindering your application. You were home-schooled by your robot mom. There weren’t report cards or grades that any university would accept. Even if there were, you wouldn’t want to go back to that dreadful house.
Both not wanting to lose your newfound passion, you and Diego had an enormous favour to ask.
‘NO not a chance!’ Allison crossed her arms. ‘It’s unethical!’
‘Yes we know-‘ you replied.
‘But it’s the only way.’ Diego reasoned. ‘It’s not fair for y/n and I to not be able to follow our dreams and to finally FINALLY move on with our lives, Ally. While you and Vanya get to live out yours.’
You nodded along. ‘We ask you just this one thing and we’re out of your hair.’
Allison looked between you two as if to decided whether it would be worth it. ‘Fine, just this once.’ She sighs. ’And this doesn’t get out kapeesh?’ pointing her finger.
‘kapeesh.’
~
‘I’m gonna miss you so much!’ Vanya admitted.
You pulled both your sisters into a hug. ‘I’m miss you gals more!’
Allison wipes her tears away. ‘Don’t forget us okay? Remember we’re only a text away.’
‘Tell Diego that I’m gonna miss kicking his butt when he come back from his officer training, ye?’
~
Over the years you hadn’t lost touch with your family. It’s been a while since you’ve all together physically, but you do video chat every once and a while and you have a general tab on each of your siblings. Vanya is currently the 3rd chair violin at her orchestra, Diego had channelled his inner batman and believe to be a vigilante keeping the streets and public safe.
As for Klaus, Diego had told you that he hasn’t managed to keep off his ~happy place~ and had seen him in and out of nightclubs.
Allison….Well who wouldn’t know about what she’s up to. A-list celebrity with numerous critically acclaimed movies to her name, one half of Hollywood’s hottest couple and amazing role model for mothers. Ahh Claire that sweet angel, who says that you’re her favourite aunt, that smile of hers melts your heart.
The last you’ve seen of Luther is when his journey to the moon has been televised a couple of years ago. There’s been no news since.
The rattling of the gate brings you back to the present.
‘AH yes, Miss.y/n. He has been expecting you.’
‘Pogo!’ You exclaimed, wrapping him in a hug.
‘So I’m not to late then? Where’s mom?’
‘Grace is with Sir Reginald, my dear.’ Pogo leads you up the stairs.
Looking around, everything is as pristine as usual. ‘I see that nothing’s change’ You noted.
‘Yes, well I was asked to keep it as it always was.’
He opens the door to Reginald’s quarters. There on the bed was dad, looking sickly pale but still alive unlike to what you had seen in your vision.
Beside him wiping away the sweat on his forehead was mom. ‘Oh, my dear y/n I’m glad you could join us.’ She says as if years hadn’t gone by without your presence.
You reach the foot of the bed. ‘Dad…’ you begin.
But Reginald cuts you off. ‘Number Eight. Glad to see that logical and curious side of yours overrides that irrational emotive side.’ His voice weak yet still holds its signature condescending tone. ‘It is your disposition to the voice of reason and mysteries of the unknown that led you here, despite your supposed hatred towards me-‘
‘There’s no grey area, I do hate you.’
He waved his hand to dismiss your interruption.
‘As I was saying, it is of this reason- your control over the impulsiveness that is apparent to all of your siblings who lack control- is why you are my favourite.’
You scoffed.
‘It is true, my dear y/n.’
‘Oh please. You only see me as a “valuable asset”. Remember?’
Reginald nods. ‘I do, but I believe the exact words were “You would do great things Number Eight. To see into the future is a valuable asset to have indeed”. Thus, implying that your ability is the asset not you.’
‘Sure, just rub it in don’t you.’ Rolling your eyes.
‘I hope that you do too remember that also in my own words that you were and still are “the cleverest of the bunch”.’
‘So why am I here, you’re clearly not dead.’ You looked at him again. You’ve never seen your dad so fragile ever. ‘….yet. So there must be something to do with that. Perhaps find your killer?’
On the bedside table, you took note of the cup of tea and medication. Your brain is in super speed, running through ideas on what could have cause him to be so sickly.
‘It could be your meds…..’ You look up. ‘Mom who else has access to Dad’s medication?’
‘Just us dear, Pogo and I.’
‘Number Eight there is no killer. I am dying because of old age, it is quite normal for-‘
‘NO No but the mortality rate is 350 years for the species of—’
‘Ah!’ Reginald’s face showed of surprise which slowly turned into cunningest. ‘so, you know then’ He chuckled.
‘Yes.’
‘Since when?’ He asked genuinely curious.
‘When we first showed signs of powers, some of your notes were written in a language I did not recognised.’ You recalled. ‘So, I did some digging, it took a while but when I found about the secret safe under this very bed and what it contained. Everything became clearer.’
‘Very good. Y/n. Nobody knew about the safe expect myself.’ He looked over at Pogo. ‘Did you know of it?’
‘No, Sir.’ Pogo admitted. ‘Not until now.’
‘Very well indeed. You knew all this time, yet you didn’t say anything. Why?’
‘Because it didn’t matter.’ You shrugged. ‘The only thing that matter in this household was our powers.’
‘Did the others-‘
‘No, they didn’t know. I hadn’t told a soul. It is not my secret to share.’
‘And soon it will be yours.’
‘What?’
‘Number Eight, it is without a doubt my time here is limited. Perhaps as little as an hour.’
Never had you seen someone talk about their death like this. You shiver at the thought.
‘By the fact that you are here now and had seen a vision of me dead means that the block I had place on you to prevent you peering into events regarding me is failing. Failing as my health is.’
You want to be angry. How dare he supress your power. But you stand still as a rock by his confession. ‘why?’ A soft whisper was all you could muster. ‘why?’
‘Because I had to keep my real identity a secret. To prevent you from exposing me.’ He coughed. ‘But turns out, you hadn’t need to use your powers to know that, as what you’ve told me.’ He looked at you with watering eyes. ‘You found that all on your own, yet you did not disclose anything.’ He reached out for your hand to which you accept. ‘For which I am delighted that at least I can say that I have one child, a daughter to be proud of.’
A daughter to be proud of.
You would like to think that you are strong and independent. And those are true. But that small child that all that wanted was to experience a parent’s love and affection. That emotional support of that small child which you thought you had successfully tucked away came clawing its way back to the surface.
‘y/n’ You had almost missed it, wiping away your tears, you leaned closer.
‘Listen carefully….’ Your dad’s chest was barely moving. It was a struggle for him to get the following words out. ‘The end is near, get the others ……and save…..the…..tttiiiimmm’
You never head what came next. Sir Reginald Hargreeves is dead.
Under the setting sun, Reginald looked at peace.
~
A half moon shines brightly above the house. It had been 3 days and 7 Hours since it happened.
Exhaustion is starting to catch up with you but there is still so much to do.
News channels had broadcasted the breaking news of your father’s death.
You had personally called your siblings to deliver the news, they are to arrive tomorrow for the funeral at noon.
Luther who had been expecting to relay dad his daily report status on the space radio, cussed at you in anger-those were the first words you heard in 12 years- calmed down and said that he will be there in 3 days, in time for the funeral.
‘Sweetie, I brought you some tea.’
‘Thanks mom.’ You take a sip. ‘Hey mom did you think you’re gonna be alright now that you know…. That dad is gone?’
She runs her fingers to your hair. ‘I’m gonna be fine dear, I am stronger than you know.’
You smile at her. You just can’t help but to think what’s gonna happen to her now that your dad is gone. Pushing that thought away-like she said, I am stronger than you know.
‘Now, why don’t we get you to bed.’ She cuts you off before you can say a word. ‘Uh uh. You have done so much already. You need rest especially with the funeral in 9 hours. Pogo and I can handle the remaining task.’
‘Thanks again mom.’
She tucks you into bed. ‘Good night y/n/n. Sweet Dreams.’ She kisses the top of your head. ‘I love you.’
‘I love you too mom.’ As she leaves your room, you realised that you didn’t want to be alone. ‘Mom…’ You called out, almost childlike.
‘Yes dear.’ Grace makes her way back in.
‘Well you stay with me? Sing to me until I fall asleep?’
‘Ofcourse dear.’ She smiles, pulling up a chair beside your bed.
The lull of your mother’s voice sends you to sleep with the memories of the childhood before power. When everything was simple. When there was love in this household.
~
You awoke to sounds of screams and flashes of blue light. You hurry to your window, it shows the courtyard, a ball of blue chaos small black figures.
You pull on your jacket and ran downstairs, the clock in the foyer shows 11:37am. Crap you overslept! But that means…..that the figures you saw were your siblings. There are early….that’s new.
You arrived in the courtyard just as you see Klaus throws a fire extinguisher at the blue light.
‘What are you doing?!’ Shouted Luther.
‘What is that gonna do?’ Allison questioned.
‘I don’t know!!’ Klaus turned around ‘Do you have a better idea?—Oh hey y/n! Nice to see you!’ He ran over and gave you a tight hug. ‘What a family reunion ehh?’
Before you could reply, the ball of blue gave out a crackle of electricity.
‘Everyone get behind me!’ Luther pushes in front of everyone.
‘Yeah! Get behind us.’ Diego chimed in, pushing Vanya closer to you.
Vanya ignores Diego, trying to get a better look herself. ‘It looks like something is coming through!’
The ball of light exploded, the sudden burst of energy was blinding that you had to cover your eyes.
Then nothing, total darkness.
THUD. You heard Vanya scream.
‘Argh!’
The blue chaos had expelled something….someone.
Luther was the first to speak. ‘Who’s there?’
‘Show yourself!’ said Diego.
As a collective group, you walked towards the mystery person.
Your eyes go wide with shock. No it can’t be, it’s impossible. You must be seeing things.
‘Does anyone else see little Number Five, or is that just me?’ wondered Klaus.
Klaus looked around and saw that everyone showed that same face of disbelief. Pleased to know that it wasn’t the drugs, he snickered. ‘Now THIS! THIS IS WHAT I CALL A FAMILY REUNION.’
Little Five who didn’t seem to have aged a day since you last saw him,
It’s been years but seeing him looking like he did back when you last saw him, you recall the last words he had shouted at you.
‘get out of the way y/n! i don’t want to see your face anymore.’
Five looks down at himself drowned in tattered oversize clothes, wining. ‘SHIT!’
Something is wrong, something is very wrong and you know it.
No way was this all a coincidence for your father to warn you about some impending doom and have Five to reappear 17 years later. It must be related somehow…What’s next you thought……For Ben to come back to life too?
END OF PART 2
READ: [PART 1] [PART 3] [PART 4]
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Galactik Football: Season 1
I completely forgot that I wrote a load of ramble as I rewatched GF during lockdown, so uh here’s a sort of review for season 1!
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First of all, the concept and setting is just so unique and wild I mean, football in space against aliens but with magical powers too? Epic. Superpowers are pretty common in sports cartoons and anime but here there’s actually an explanation for them, and they have significance for the world of the show. The concept of the flux sets up for an entire sub-plot of wars with weapons of mass destruction, corrupt mega-corporations ruling the galaxy, space pirates… the world feels very lived in, and makes you want to know more about the goings-on outside of the football games.
The pirate business doesn’t overshadow the Snow Kids though, because their personal drama and journey to becoming a better team together is interesting enough. Basically, this is a space opera with football sprinkled in. For such a big cast, most get good development and there’s no clear main character. This leads into me rambling about each character, because I never really appreciated the diversity of arcs when I first watched it as a kid :’P
Rocket:
He starts out pretty timid, doesn’t fight for his dreams, and has a habit of running away from confrontation (like when the others found out he was Aarch’s nephew) that follows him into season 2. He’s stuck tending to flowers (ironic, since he himself isn’t allowed to grow and bloom), but by the end of the season, he’s more authoritative and confident enough to suggest strategies to the team. Also has a habit of hiding his feelings and underestimating his importance to others, which he works on in season 2.
Tia:
You’d expect her to be more calm and similar to Rocket, and sure they bond over being out of the inner circle of the Snow Kids, and also both having emotionally unavailable parents, but she’s actually far more headstrong than she seems. I mean, she was willing to do anything to be in Aarch’s team, even faking her parents’ consent and almost dying when her ship crashed! (Plus that scene where she uses the breath is epic, that music? Chef’s kiss) She’s not perfect though – she’s very empathetic (like when they arrived on the Ryker’s planet and she was the most upset by the conditions there), and relates to Rocket, so she wants to give him the happy family she didn’t have, by reuniting him with his mother. Although well-intentioned, it’s preeetty invasive, and though it turned out okay in the end, she really should have consulted with Rocket first, especially after finding out his mother wasn’t dead, but had left them. For all Tia knew, she could have been a really shitty person.
D’jok:
Very clear ego problems :P He doesn’t know his past and doesn’t have much of a future on Akillian, so he pushes himself to achieve some great destiny, then feels like everyone else isn’t on the same level as him if they don’t do the same. He gets more than he bargained for when it turns out that Sonny Blackbones is his dad, and he realises what’s really important to him in the final match. Namely, he realises that the reason he found it so difficult to sabotage the match isn’t because he wanted to win at all costs, but because he doesn’t want to betray his team – he wants to win together with them.
Althooough, I was never entirely sure about him scoring the penalty before knowing Sonny was safe, like sure he didn’t know Sonny that well yet so maybe felt closer to the SK but dude, you just sentenced a man to death. I think the life-and-death situation by itself was enough to get him to rethink his priorities. Maybe they could have made him more aware that the whole galaxy was at stake if he lost the match, but that motive for scoring the penalty isn’t as satisfying for his arc I guess.
Micro-Ice:
To this day, I have no idea why he was named that :’P He’s the first Snow Kid we meet, which makes for a fun start to the show since he’s such a smart-ass and a joker that keeps getting in trouble. He could have easily been nothing but comic relief, but he isn’t. He’s actually pretty pessimistic and doubtful about his skills, and covers it up with jokes and fake confidence. He didn’t even want to go to the try-outs, to avoid disappointment if he didn’t get chosen.
The self-confidence issue keeps building up with things like being put as substitute initially, being the last person to get the Breath, and D’jok and Mei getting together, finally driving him to run off with the pirates thinking he isn’t really needed on the team. He also lets jealousy get the better of him, souring his friendship with D’jok and forgetting that Mei is free to choose whoever she likes. He eventually realises he’s wrong though, and comes back. I also love his friendship with Artie :’D
Mei:
She starts out ambitious, which in itself isn’t a bad thing, but she’s willing to throw others under the bus for personal gains. Then you start to see it’s because of her mother’s influence – always pushing her to do better. When Mei starts to actually have feelings for D’jok, she starts to care about him and regrets breaking up his friendship with Micro-Ice. Eventually, she manages to stand up to her mum and is happy playing the position she’s best at.
The execution cooould be a little better because at times it leaned a bit into the “overambitious woman who needs to be put in her place” trope. It only really comes down to little details, like why did Aarch refuse to let her try out as an attacker when he was forming the team? Back then he had no idea who she was or what her skills were?? He didn’t even want to consider the idea later when Micro-Ice left, which felt more like an emotional reaction than a tactical one. But anyway, it’s alright overall and I love that she got to score the winning goal despite not being an attacker.
Thran and Ahito:
Having a narcoleptic goalkeeper is just genius, and makes for some fun last-minute saves. Also love how despite being asleep half the time, Ahito’s the one that knows what’s up :’P Thran is also really underrated but there’s more to talk about with these two in season 2.
Also wanted to throw in some appreciation for how the older characters are written – usually the adults in kids shows are more on the side-lines, but in Galactik Football, they’re also pretty flawed and interesting. For example, Aarch isn’t the perfect, wise mentor – whether he did it for glory, to escape bad memories or a combination of both, he still left his brother and planet behind when they needed him most, and now he’s trying to make up for it. Norata’s not perfect either – he denies Rocket his dreams partly to protect him, but also out of bitterness towards Aarch and fear of being left alone again. Also, there’s a variety of different families being represented in the show – single parents, adopted parents, rich, not so rich, neglectful, supportive, ambitious, non-existent… and with some of them, this plays a key role in the Snow Kids’ characters.
The show might not be the most technically amazing, okay, the 2D animation is not the best, but the designs are pretty diverse and I miss that 2000’s style with the outfits :’P There are lots of locations with pretty backgrounds, and very varied planets that reflect the people living there. I also like the comfortable sci-fi design – it’s futuristic-looking enough, but more colourful than some of the CGI bores we get in movies these days.
The 3D animation is better – they reuse motions a lot but at least they shake it up a bit by using different characters and camera angles. Speaking of camera angles, there’s some really interesting ones and camera movements that really make the matches dynamic. Honestly, having CGI in the 2000’s that doesn’t look super ugly and dated now is great, partly because they transferred their designs to 3D really well and partly because they didn’t try to do much rendering on the models.
ALSO THE SOUNDTRACK SLAPS THEY DID NOT HAVE TO GO THAT HARD ON THE OPENING THEME AND THE SCORE SOUNDS SO EPIC ALL THE TIME
I don’t know how to end this so if you actually got this far, I’ll just say season 1 was the best one for me! There’s some parts and characters I left out but that’s for another time. Sinedd and D’jok’s rivalry deserves its own post :’P
#galactik football#jetix#cartoon review#i practicaly liveblogged s2 so i guess i'll post those thoughts later#my posts
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Your Ask Blog is really cool! Since your last one was on the subject of roommates, what would Undyne, Papyrus, and Mettaton be like as roommates if you don't mind me asking?
ey, thank you!!
these roommate ones are always so thought-provoking, I love ‘em
honestly I think I would love to be roommates with Paps or Undyne <3
METTATON
Ahem, heritage aside, he really is more of a ghost than anybody else. It comes with the territory of being a celebrity in that he’s often away, either on tour or film sets/music studios for long stretches or just frequently out during the day. He does his best to keep himself ‘at home’ as much as possible, but a lot of the time it just… isn’t possible. When he’s filming, unless it’s local, he stays in hotels. Ditto for tours, as well as having a genuine tour bus. So his roommate isn’t actually likely to see him all that often unless they try to keep up via calls, texts, video chats, etc. Which, of course, he’s very much open to!
When he is at home, expect him to probably be sleeping/charging. Being humanity’s star is exhausting, darling! The house is a place to relax, mostly, somewhere he can decompress without worrying about rehearsals or a busy schedule. Even someone like Mettaton who enjoys the attention and the fast-paced lifestyle needs a break every now and then. He does like that when he comes back to the house, his roommate is still there and happy to see him. It’s a little bit of normalcy and the kind of constancy he needs when he has his downtime.
Roommate probably gets a bunch of MTT merch? Particularly the ‘older’ stuff that’s sitting around so he can make room for new inventory. They’ll get shirts or plushies, things of that nature, half as an apology for not being around much and half because he’s trying to get rid of it. If he sees them wearing one of the T-shirts or displaying any of it, it… sort of warms his heart a bit. They’re outdated designs, but his roommate still treasures them? That’s… very sweet.
All in all he’s not a bad roommate even though he’s not around much. He’s neat and tidy when he is at the house, he always pays his portion of the rent/mortgage early (and has no issues covering his roommate’s portion a few times if they need him to), and is more than happy to make friends with his roommate as well. There are definitely worse roommates to have!
PAPYRUS
WOWIE, he is just so excited to share a living space with someone other than his messy, lazybones brother!!! Papyrus is out of the house more often than one might expect, between tries at different jobs and also taking his cool car out for everyone to gawk at. That said, he’s often out during the day and home in the evening and at night, so it’s certainly not as if he’s never home. At the very least, it means his roommate worrying about him not being home when it’s dark out will be a very rare occurrence. Coupled with this is the fact that he answers calls and texts religiously. His roommate will probably know where he is at any given time, because Papyrus almost never leaves without informing them in some way or another.
Sans hangs around a lot when he’s able, especially if Papyrus is out working and Sans is free! He enjoys spending time with his little bro’s roomie… and Papyrus, for his part, likes it if his big brother and his roommate get along. It’s almost like the two of them have another member of the family. Even though they and Papyrus are ‘just’ roommates, (Name) really should be prepared to be basically adopted as a sibling. Papyrus physically cannot not get emotionally attached to someone he shares a house with, and Sans is only too happy to treat his baby bro’s friend as part of the family. It’s… nice, really, how quickly these two default to treating Papyrus’ roommate like they’ve known (Name) all their lives.
Oh!! He most definitely does a lot of the cooking! As to how edible it is, eh… the results vary, since he’s attempting to get better at the culinary arts, but one thing is true: (Name) will have more pasta in a week than they could possibly eat in a month. It’ll be a wonder if they’re not sick of pasta in a few weeks, and yet, well… Papyrus is surprisingly effective at figuring out different combinations so that they never have the exact same meal twice. Unless his roommate happens to be a spaghetti aficionado like himself…? Ah, well. Either way, he’s more than delighted to handle meals, especially if his roommate isn’t much of a cook themselves. If they are, however, it’s just one more way the two of them can bond!!!
Overall he can be a bit ‘much’ simply because he’s an excitable, enthusiastic fellow who never seems to run out of energy. He might be a handful for people who prefer things quieter, but largely he’s the type who can get along with most people. He’s clean and organized, usually pays his part of the rent/mortgage on time, and is a very personable guy. Even someone who isn’t crazy about him at first will be hard-pressed to call him a bad roommate!
UNDYNE
NGAH, it’ll be nice to share a place with someone since she’s been so used to being on her own!! Well… she’s pretty sure it will be, anyway. She’s accustomed to being independent, so it takes a little bit of adjustment when it comes to the cohabitation thing. She’s been living in her own house by herself for so long, it’s… weird… to remember that there’s also another person in her house. That it’s not just her house. She does spend a lot of time out since, even on the surface, she works with the Royal Guard to keep the monster community safe, watch out for humans in danger too, etc., make sure everyone’s holding hands and singing Kum Ba Yah and all that good shit. She prefers to be home after dark, though, so her roommate will definitely be seeing a lot of her.
Alphys is over a lot, as is Papyrus! And also sometimes Napstablook if they’re not on tour with Mettaton. Undyne is the kind of person who has a lot of good friends, and Papyrus especially is used to coming over to hang out at her house with her. As long as there are clear boundaries and her roommate doesn’t mind having guests over frequently, it shouldn’t be a problem. Although… sometimes Undyne will drag (Name) into anime movie nights! Resistance is futile, abandon all hope, but the flip side is that she’ll also let them drag her into pretty much anything as well. Despite the fact that roommates don’t have to be besties, she… thinks it’s a lot! More! Tolerable! When two people living together are friends! That makes sense, right?
… Man, she’s intense, though, as is her job. Sometimes she gets called away at odd hours if something is happening crime-wise, particularly if the human police find that they need help from the Royal Guard. There are times she’s technically off her shift, that she has to suddenly disappear from the house for a while. Hopefully her roommate won’t worry too much… it’s kind of hard not to, though, isn’t it? Once they’ve gotten to know her and enjoy her company, occasionally anxiety happens when Undyne has to go off at weird times. It means a lot if (Name) talks to her after she gets back, or the next morning or whenever, to let her vent about crap!
She’s very intimidating, especially to shyer people, but after a little while, it hopefully won’t be a huge problem. Although she tends to forget when the rent/mortgage is due, and she can potentially make a lot of messes, she’s also super willing to fix her mistakes and try to be better in the future. If she screws something up in any way, you bet your ass she’ll also clean it up. She’s a surprisingly good roommate, with both a great heart and head on her shoulders, who cares about whoever she’s living with. It’s not so bad after all!!
#dragonsrule18#Undertale#Mettaton#Papyrus#Undyne#headcanons#platonic#domestic#fluff#so much fun!!! :D
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Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this story…
THE MIDNIGHT RIDE
Long is our list of ghost stories laid to rest. But when the dark rider returns thirty years after his exorcism at the hands of the Winchesters, Sam, Dean, and I are faced with the possibility that we’ve been wrong about one thing.
Some urban legends never die.
Part IV - The Midnight Ride
Summary: The end of an era.
Warnings/Tags: Some fluff, general elements of horror and fear, graveyards, brushes with death again...
Characters/Pairings: First Person Female!Reader/Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester
Word Count: 5,104
"You alright?"
Lost in thought, I had hardly heard Sam. But the warmth of his presence roused me from my stupor. I shook my head and rubbed the burn from my eyes as I spoke. "Yeah, I… I'm just exhausted. And this research isn't exactly entertaining."
Sam took a seat beside me at the small motel table and pulled his chair so close I might as well have sat in his lap. The warmth of one massive hand enveloped mine, and he set the other on my bouncing knee. That quake subsided beneath his touch, something no other person in my life had managed. But then a sudden awareness sent a shiver down my spine, and I scanned the motel room, searching. Sam, perceptive as ever, answered my unasked question. "Dean's in the shower. He'll be a while. We've got some time. To talk. Only if you—"
I didn't want to talk. At all. What I wanted betrayed every common sense I had. At that moment, I’d do whatever I could, use whatever magic at Sam’s disposal, make a deal with Rowena, anything to cleanse last night's stain of indelible memories from my mind. And yet, I knew those options were anything but. Between Sam’s apparent affection for me and Dean’s overprotective brotherly nature, neither would allow me to harm myself willingly just to get rid of a few nightmares.
But as I stared into Sam’s prismatic gaze, the desire to replace those memories, to shadow them with newer, happier moments, overpowered me.
No. I didn’t want to talk. So, instead, I kissed him.
Myriad descriptions, all vastly varied from one to the next, could never capture the feeling of Sam's lips on mine. I could regale you with comparison after comparison. But none of them would do him justice. Though the moment lasted but a breath, eons passed in that explosive connection where I knew and felt and lived a thousand lifetimes with him. I wanted to do nothing more in that breath than melt into him forever.
My tablet chirped, and the case loomed at the edge of my subconscious. All those imaginary lifetimes vanished as I parted from him, replaced by a cruel reality. Not that I'd squander a reality that consisted of Sam Winchester's love. Or his crooked grin and half-lidded gaze.
"Good talk."
Despite my sour mood, I laughed. "I'm glad we could come to an understanding."
His fingers slipped between mine as he spoke. "Thing is, I forgot… what I said about us last night. When I asked if you wanted to talk now, I meant about what happened to you."
"Oh." Well, shit.
I have never known a person wiser, more emotionally aware than Sam. And Dean often gave him a run for his money. But after all the years hunting together, Sam and I operated on an uncannily similar wavelength. The guy read me like an open book. And when I balked at recounting my harrowing journey beyond the veil, he understood without another word.
"Only if you want," he repeated with a reassuring squeeze of my thigh. "Otherwise, I wouldn't mind a little more of your…" he paused with a coy smirk as his eyes darted to my lips and back. "... preferred method of communication."
"I…" My tablet chirped once more, obliterating the one desire I'd felt in months. "Sam, I promise, we make it out of this case alive, I won't leave your bedroom for a week."
His smile widened as he said, "Only if we spend the following week in yours."
I kissed him again, a little harder, more insistent. Parted, I agreed. "Done."
My tablet chimed for the third time, and I turned to it at last. Sam pointed at the screen and said, "What's cockblocking me?"
Though I laughed, a furious sting prickled my cheeks at the thought of Sam's… I forced the imagery from my mind and decidedly focused on the tablet instead of his face. "I was emailing the curator at the museum. She just sent me some documents about Sleepy Hollow's history."
"Oh?" Sam mused. "Anything worthwhile?" He reached for his laptop, pulled it across the table, and flipped up the lid.
When I opened the attached documents, my heart sank. They merely verified much of what I'd already learned. "Sleepy Hollow was a part of the Tarrytown settlement, originally called North Tarrytown. Most of this information is just facts and history about the town. While the Ichabod Crane story is all rooted in it, the urban legends and folklore are only related so far as this jackass on a horse with no head."
"Not surprising," Sam stated.
"No,” I whined, “but it is a little disheartening that he has next to nothing to do with the town he haunts.”
Sam nodded, then said, “There might be more, though. Earlier this morning, I read that Washington Irving was born in Manhattan. He traveled for many years, but he eventually returned to New York and lived out the rest of his life in Sleepy Hollow. He's buried in that cemetery."
"I suppose," I replied, "but I was looking for something a little more concrete than the author lived and died here. Like actual people that Irving modeled his characters after. Or other legends. He traveled in Europe for quite some time. There's even a Scandanavian story, The Wild Hunt, that has the same throughline. A headless rider that lobs his head at people."
Sam piqued at that, eyes narrowed and head tilted. "But Ichabod Crane is the original telling of the story here. Right?"
I nodded. "Forgetting that it's a hodgepodge of cultural ghost stories, yes."
He laughed at that. "I haven’t read it since I was a kid.”
“Me neither,” I replied. “I only know bits and pieces.”
Dean burst from the bathroom at that, a towel wrapped around his head and one about his waist. “Ichabod Crane was a new school teacher in Sleepy Hollow. And he was hellbent on marrying a woman, Katrina, who was set to inherit her father's very wealthy farm estate.”
"Oh," I mused with a mocking smirk at Sam. "Sounds like we have an expert in our midst."
Dean waved me off as he dug through his bag at the end of the bed. "Sam knows it, too. Right?"
“Yeah," Sam started, "there was another suitor, though. Arthur Van Brunt. He went by Brom Bones Van Brunt.” He paused as he stood. “It’s kind of funny, really, this story reads like a high school drama. The lanky geeky nerd and the oafish jock fight over a girl. Except they never get into the physical altercation Brom wanted. He goaded Ichabod constantly, pulling pranks on him. But Ichabod never took the bait.”
I looked at my tablet, where a black and white photograph of a man stared back at me, then returned to them both. Dean withdrew a change of clothes from his bag, then headed back to the bathroom. Through the open door, he said, “So the story goes, Ichabod went to a party at the Van Tassel farm where he intended to woo and win over Katrina. Brom, instead, scares the living piss out of him with a bunch of ghost stories, one of which was the Headless Horseman.”
“Yeah, I remember that much,” I said. “And then he tried to propose to Katrina, but she shot him down.”
“Exactly,” Sam chimed. “I love how ambiguous the ending is here. Ichabod leaves the party all upset about Katrina. He gets on his horse, Gunpowder, who is very skittish, and heads home. But the Hessian shows up and chases him. Ichabod had just learned the legend, so he heads for the bridge near the Old Dutch Burying Ground. He knows the spirit can’t cross the bridge. Ichabod would have made a decent hunter.”
Dean’s laughter echoed from the bathroom, and he emerged dressed and hair coiffed. “I forgot how innocent this story is. He gets to the bridge and crosses it, but the Hessian hurls his freakin’ head at him before disappearing. The head domes Ichabod and knocks him off his horse. Nobody ever finds his body. Only his hat, Gunpowder’s wrecked saddle, and a randomly smashed pumpkin were found near the bridge.”
A thought bubbled up in the back of my mind and raced to my lips. “So that’s where the jack-o-lantern head comes from. What if… holy shit, what if it was just a prank gone wrong? What if Brom was playing another trick on him and accidentally killed Ichabod?”
Hesitation stalled them both as Sam and Dean regarded one another. Then Dean turned to me and asked, “That does not explain what the hell happened last night. No fucking way that was a prank.”
I hated it, but I knew he was right. “But then what the hell! I’m almost beginning to think it is a tulp—”
“It’s notta tulpa!” Sam shouted. Dean clamped a hand over his mouth, and his shoulders shook with uncontrollable laughter. Sam rounded on him and barked, “Shut up!”
“I can’t help it,” Dean managed through peeling laughter. “Your Arnold impression is improving.”
“C’mon, guys, we need to figure this out,” I groaned.
Dean settled through a deep breath, although his face remained far too red. Sam slumped into his seat again, his stare glazing over, unseeing. When he remained silent, Dean said, “Alright, let’s say they’re spirits. And it’s still this mess of combined ancient myths, ghost stories, and cultural legends. We’re still on the same page there, right?”
Sam and I nodded slowly. “After what happened last night, there’s no way they’re anything else.”
“If they’re spirits that haven’t moved on, we have to burn the bodies,” I stated.
“Or destroy an object that might be keeping them topside,” Dean added.
Scrambled thoughts rattled through my mind as I ran down a list of objects. I soon found myself lost in a warren of possibilities, and as I stared ahead at my tablet, equally dazed as Sam. An answer picked at the edge of my subconscious, like a half-remembered dream. No matter how hard I tried to grasp it, the thought slipped through my hand like water.
“None of it is real.”
From the corner of my eye, I glared at Sam. He remained still, his glassy far-off stare yet unfocused as he spoke. "It's all stories. They're all stories that are too much of a mess for a tulpa. So none of it is real. Whatever these spirits have latched onto, it's nothing from those stories."
With his words, the image on my tablet clarified as my mind focused. Understanding crept along my skin, raising gooseflesh in its wake. I stood then, spurred to my feet, and spoke. “The unmarked grave never mattered. It’s fake.”
Sam nodded. “There aren’t any bodies to burn because those bodies never existed to begin with.”
“It’s all fairy tales and make-believe bullshit,” Dean declared.
I looked first to Sam, then Dean, then back to my tablet, where an image of Washington Irving filled the screen. I turned the tablet to face them, and all at once, the pieces of the puzzle fell into place. Together, we spoke.
“Death of the author.”
Never in my entire life had I wished to be anywhere else more than at that very moment.
Three stark-white flashlights illuminated a grand headstone, memorialized by the town of Sleepy Hollow, for one Washington Irving. After so many years without care, overgrowth covered much of the base, and the stone desperately needed a washing. Beyond that, none of us made a single move to start the arduous process of digging five feet into the earth. We simply stood there, silent as the dead beneath our boots.
"Either of you uncomfortable with this?" Dean asked, breaking the silence.
"Yeah," Sam and I replied.
Dean started towards the headstone and said, "Good. Glad it's not just me. Something about this feels wrong."
"It's because we've never seen someone's spirit manifest as anything other than itself," Sam stated. "We're literally digging up a guy because his spirit might have transfigured into characters from his own story."
"Can spirits even do that?" I asked as I scanned the treeline of the graveyard. Though dense fog had choked the grounds last night, literal clouds suffocated the entire cemetery where we stood. "That seems like a lot of power for a single spirit."
Dean posted at the head of the grave. "Only one way to find out." He pocketed his flashlight and hefted his shovel. When he saw us still standing at the foot of the plot, he said, "I'm not digging this grave on my own."
Despite the need to end such a vengeful spirit, I had little motivation to help. Slower than necessary, I picked up my shovel and shuffled to the center of the plot. Sam stepped in behind me, shovel at the ready.
Dean raised his shovel to his waist. Before he moved further, a distant, indiscernible sound echoed through the woods. What was once visible of the nearby treeline no longer was. That thick fog filled the darkness, and I saw neither trees nor sky nor stars. I heard the sound again, too far to tell what it was, but not far enough to miss. My flashlight shook violently as I spun about, but I found nothing besides the Impala behind us.
I turned back to Dean just in time to watch as he plunged his shovel's blade into the dirt. Agonizingly slow, it descended each inch slower than the last. That distant sound echoed once more, ever so slightly closer. As though he conducted an orchestra, that sound crescendoed into an unbearable scream as Dean’ shovel descended until metal returned to the earth.
Earsplitting thunder exploded overhead, and instinct forced all three of us to our knees. That booming drum rolled, mutated until it rumbled through the ground. I knew that sound, too familiar with the feel reverberating through my feet. A fresh wave of icy dread coursed through my veins as those thundering hooves pounded the dirt.
Over the headstone, I pointed my flashlight as I stood. Terror incarnate barreled through the graveyard astride his deathly steed. Above his head, a readied missile sprouted flames as he raced towards us. Every instinct screamed to run. Fuck everything about the legend, the haunting, just get the hell out of there.
But I couldn't move. Frozen solid, I merely gripped my flashlight and shivered.
"Run!"
Dean's shove launched me into Sam's arms, kickstarting my senses. I sprinted for the Impala, desperate for her salvation. I reached it a beat behind Sam and Dean and dove into the backseat. The engine roared to life with a sharp snarl as Dean twisted the ignition. He wrenched down on the shifter, slammed on the gas, and I launched into the backrest as the car sped off in reverse.
"What are you doing?!" I screamed.
"What I should have done last night!" he barked.
I opened my mouth to demand a better answer but only managed to scream and gesticulate wildly. The Headless Horseman vaulted Washington Irving's headstone and, in one smooth motion, launched his flaming cannonball directly at the car.
The sickening crunch of iron on steel paled in comparison to Dean's wail of rage. He threw the wheel to the left, and I grasped onto the backrest as the car lurched, spinning about-face. The transmission groaned in protest as Dean threw the shifter into drive and slammed on the gas once more. With all her horses leaping down the road, the Impala raced into the night, and I flattened against the backseat.
"Mother fucking piece of shit ghost!" Dean bellowed. "Fucking hit my car with a god damned cannonball! I’ll kill you! Do you hear me?!"
“Dean, just watch where you’re going!” Sam shouted as he braced against the backrest and the frame of the car.
The speedometer slid past eighty, and I gripped the leather backrest, nails scoring the supple hide. Sweat coated my palms, and my heart railed against my chest. "Dean, what the hell are you doing! You're going to get us killed!"
The fork in the road appeared around the sharp corner, and Dean roared, "Just trust me!" as he took the paved road to the left.
One hundred. The blinding flash of a memory overpowered my senses. Nearly forgotten, the dull vision replayed in my mind, muted, as though it belonged to someone else. A car sped along a country road. A dog. Spinning, careening, crashing. I screamed as my seatbelt failed. Blood pooled in the cornstalks beneath a sky so blue.
"Try to follow me now, you son of a bitch!"
Dean's voice snapped me back to reality. Behind us, the Headless Horseman gained, and his whip gathered with a flick of his wrist. The vicious bones uncoiled, and another memory threatened to take me under once more. It seemed that death had its own wish for me and would not rest until it came true. Another flash of a fresh memory consumed my senses, dragged me down to my own personal hell. But then a light emerged amidst the darkness, warm and enveloping. I opened my eyes to find Sam holding my hand.
"Focus, Y/N. Stay with me, we're gonna get through this, I promise."
"There's the bridge!" Dean shouted as he pointed. The engine whined, straining under his insistent foot. He glared in his rearview mirror as he growled, "Let's race, motherfucker."
The Impala raced over the transition from asphalt to old stone and wood, rattling the car from nose to rear end. Sam’s fingers turned ghastly white in my grip, but he paid that no mind. His focus remained steady, wide eyes staring into mine. Though he tried to reassure me, the roar of the Impala swallowed his words, and they fell on deaf ears. Like a moth to the flame, I turned back to the Headless Horseman one last time.
The coiled whip unfurled laboriously, each bone rolling over the next and slower than the last. That crawl, that agonizingly painful creep blurred the liminal space between truth and myth’s fabrication until nothing but a swathe of gray smeared reality. My mind filled in that blank void, and I knew then that death had arrived to collect his escaped prisoner.
But the end never came. That infinite second ticked by, lost to the endless depths of space and time as the car breached the end of the bridge. I braced myself against Sam as he reached over the backrest for me. Dean stood both feet on the brake, and the car lurched forward as the tires seized, shredding on the asphalt. When the deafening roar of the Impala faded to its soothing idle, I eased my grip on Sam's arms, and he returned to his seat. Dean checked both of us before scrambling from the car, and we followed not a beat behind.
In the center of the bridge, the Headless Horseman and his nightmare steed hung in the air, suspended mid-gallop. A deep purple glow seeped through the grouted stone surrounding the horse, and beneath his hooves, the bricks quaked. Violent flashes of an eerie green mist lanced from the cracks in the centuries-old rock and lashed the rider’s raised arms to drag him from his horse. Wrenched free of the saddle, he crashed to the stone, his metal armor clattering with a sickening crunch. I winced, unsure of what I was witnessing, an unwitting and unwilling voyeur.
But I forced myself to keep looking. I had to. I had to see it through to the end, to know without a shadow of a doubt that we had indeed laid such a vengeful spirit to rest.
The Hessian launched into the air with a vicious twist of the mysterious green lashes. Gale winds swept over the bridge, filling my nose with burning brimstone, and then the horse burst into flames. He screamed his unholy cry, and I startled into Sam's arms. Though I continued to watch, I cowered into him, and he held me close without a word. The vile inferno consumed the horse in seconds, reducing him to a pile of ash.
The rider convulsed as though in pain, writhing and contorting so awkwardly to be free of his bonds. Metal twisted, grinding and scraping against itself in his bid for escape. I realized then that, in his death throes, the Headless Horseman would emit no other sound. He could not beg for forgiveness nor absolution. He could not plead for his continued existence nor one last moment on earth. No last words with a loved one. And for a minuscule second, I pitied him.
Lightning fractured the sky as the purple glow between the bricks focused in a circle encompassing the rider. As the edges brightened, the bricks inside slipped away into an endless darkness. I had seen nothing like it in all my years hunting. And as the green bonds lowered him towards the void, he thrashed, deeply aware of the end that approached.
A scream rent from my mouth as an arm of sinew and bone and rotted flesh burst from the black depths and grasped the rider's leg. Metal collapsed like tissue paper beneath the fierce grip, and bone crumpled to dust. Another arm lunged for his chest and cleaved his breastplate in two, embedding in his ribs. A third nearly ripped his arm from its socket, his forearm crushed, and a fourth pierced his thigh. Those horrifying limbs dragged the Headless Horseman to his doom, jailors imprisoning their captive.
Feet, legs, and torso succumbed to the darkness, and a defeated stillness settled his ruined body. At last, his arms and headless shoulders sank beneath the zenith, and The Headless Horseman was no more. Like so many grains of sand through an hourglass, the ashes of his steed followed him into the void.
A final flare of purple and green light surged as lightning illuminated the sky once more. Wind settled, and clouds parted to reveal a full, brilliant moon and a night sky full of glittering stars. At last, the void receded, and the bridge stood whole once more. The sounds of night creatures returned, and the clearing surrounding the bridge expanded as though it took a full, deep breath to hold, its first in thirty years.
Maybe, it knew. Just as I felt it in my bones, the trees, the stone, the tall grass, and the creek beneath the bridge all felt it down to their tiniest molecules. It was over. At long last, the Headless Horseman was no more.
For now.
A clattering of bones cut through the peaceful calm, and I flung my arms out ahead of Sam and Dean. Not that I would protect them from much of anything, what with nothing but my bare fists at the ready. Tension crept across my shoulders when I spotted the source of the sound, and the three of us scrambled backwards towards the car.
The bone whip rattled to a stop a few feet from us, perfectly coiled with its handle extended towards my boots. I regarded Sam first, then Dean, only to then turn back for the Impala's trunk with a scoff. A readied can of salt lay on top of the stockpile, and I grabbed it as I grumbled to myself.
"Unless something's keeping it topside.” I slammed the trunk shut. “Gimme a break. Of course, something was keeping it here," I continued to myself as I stomped back to Sam and Dean. I prodded the latter in the shoulder and asked, "How? How the hell did you know?"
Dean shook his head as he held his lighter in one hand and withdrew a motel matchbook from his pocket. "I didn't. I didn't know the bridge would work. And I didn't know the whip had anything to do with it. I just had a—"
"Remember the last time I had a hunch and convinced you to drive the Impala over a hundred?" Sam interjected.
Before Dean could respond, I spoke. "Speaking of which…" I paused as I finished pouring a generous amount of salt on the neat pile of bones and snapped the can shut. "Don't ever drive that fast again."
Dean’s brow shot to his hairline as his jaw dropped. He gestured to the bridge, looked to it, then turned to the pile of bones and gesticulated wildly at them. After he stuttered the beginning of a few statements, he blurted, "What was I supposed to do?!"
"Not one-oh-five, that's for damn sure!" I stated. "We could have died!"
"We would have if I hadn't—"
"Alright, that's enough!" Sam interjected. "I'm sorry I brought it up. Let's just put this son of a bitch away for good this time."
"Yes, sir," Dean agreed. "One salt and burn, coming right up."
The book of matches took the flame of Dean's lighter with a sharp hiss. A flick of his wrist sent the little ball of fire cascading to the ground, and in a single beat of my heart, red consumed the world in a crimson concussion.
The ring in my ears faded, and the blinding light dimmed, darkness settling around us once more. Flat on my back, I stared up at the shimmering night sky, beyond dazed. When I sat up, Sam’s hollow voice called from afar. But the moment his touch soothed my shoulders, a shock of clarity rushed through me, and I saw he knelt over me.
“Talk to me, Y/N,” he repeated. “You okay?”
I thought for a moment, taking inventory once again. No broken bones, no blood. Not even a hint of pain despite the lingering soreness from the previous night. “I… I think so. What happened?”
Dean strode into view, an ornately gilded box cradled in his hands. He set it on the ground at his feet, and then I spotted it. The whip lay intact where it had rolled to a stop earlier. Salt scorched black cowered beneath the pale white bones as though frightened of its failure to purify the whip. I pointed at it and repeated myself. “What the fuck just happened?!”
Sam spoke when Dean hesitated. “It looks like the whip is protected. Somehow. Whether the Headless Horseman did it or it’s part of his curse, I’m not sure. And it’s irrelevant anyway. We’ll have to find some other way to destroy it.”
“But then… What happened last time? With your dad?” I asked as I stood. Sam hopped to my side once more, his gentle strength lifting me to my feet.
Metal rasped on metal, and my attention snapped to Dean. His hand rested atop the box, the metal gears working with fine clicks and clanks. When he removed his hand, the lid lifted half an inch and hissed a violent release of pressure. Of its own accord, the lid then continued to rise, revealing rich black velvet. Darker than night, the fabric lined the entire box, and it absorbed the moonlight, much like the void that had taken the Headless Horseman. When Dean withdrew a similar thick velvet cloth from the box, he spoke. “John did put the Headless Horseman away thirty years ago.” He paused as he grasped the whip with the velvet. Gingerly, he eased it into the box, then spread the cloth over it. The heavy lid shut with a hollow thunk and the metal gears worked once more, sealing shut on its own. “But, he came back.”
“Because of the whip?” I asked.
Dean nodded as hefted the box and turned for the Impala. Sam and I followed, eager to be on our way. Given our cargo, I doubted Dean would want to stay another night in Sleepy Hollow. Resolved, I figured I’d at least steal a pillow for the ride back.
We followed as Sam said, “We’ll take it back to the Bunker and find another way to destroy it.”
“Otherwise…” My question drifted, lingering like an unwanted guest that had overstayed their welcome.
With a grunt, Dean shoved the box into the trunk. “Otherwise, the next unlucky bastard that touches this thing will become the Headless Horseman.”
The terrifying implication settled in the pit of my stomach. An indestructible weapon possessing unwitting people. And yet, I knew that dichotomy well. Old as time, that one. The immovable object, an inanimate manifestation of immortality, meets the unstoppable force, the perpetual stupidity of human curiosity.
“We need to get on the road,” Dean stated as he shut the trunk, then strode for the driver’s door. There, he cried a soft, short sob and spoke to the car. “Oh, Baby, look at you. We’ll get you home and cleaned up.” Then he ripped the cannonball free, wrenched the door open, and slid into the driver’s seat. The awkward crunch of ill-fitting metal joints damn near broke my heart. And not just for Dean, but for the Impala as well, for she had seen us through a most harrowing night yet again.
Sam leaned in beside me then and asked, “Mind if I sit with you?”
“I’d… I’d like that. Very much,” I replied as a sudden chill crept beneath my skin. “I don’t think I could handle the whole ride back by myself.”
He opened the door and gestured ahead. “I make a pretty good pillow.”
As he slid in beside me, I said, “I look forward to finding out.” The warmth of his entire body, so close to mine, pulled me in, a moon to her earth. His long arm draped over my shoulder, and I curled into him. For a brief moment, the case ceased to exist. Only my exhaustion reminded me that I had gone toe to toe with the Headless Horseman and, for the most part, won.
But then a familiar thought occurred to me, and my weary eyes snapped wide open. “It’s true, then.”
“What is?” Dean asked as he turned over the backrest.
My breath caught in my throat, unwilling to put into the universe my worst nightmare. But between Dean’s confident stare and Sam’s soft gaze, I’d never felt safer. Even in my darkest moments, the Winchesters would be there for me. I put my faith and confidence not only in them but in myself as well. No matter what happened next, I believed in us.
“What’s true, Y/N,” Sam asked.
I gave him my best smile and spoke.
“Some urban legends never die.”
Dean shook his head as he turned back to the wheel and twisted the key in the ignition. The Impala rattled as she started, exhausted as each of us. When she settled to idle, Dean looked at me in the rearview mirror and spoke.
“No. They live just long enough to meet us.”
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Winter 2020 Anime Overview: Toilet-Bound Hanako-kun
Ok, so let’s get this out of the way first, 1. I adore this story so much and 2. Toilet Bound Hanako-kun has a horrible, horrible English title that is not actually at all representative of the story’s content and I have no idea what happened when it came to the team choosing that name. To the average English-speaking viewer/reader, this name 100% implies gross stuff and bathroom humor, and there is none in this show.
A Japanese reader on the other hand, would be more likely to recognize the name Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun as a spin on the classic ghost story “Hanako-san of the Toilet” only A BOY THIS TIME WHHHHA?” Basically, the story goes that a girl named Hanako in a red skirt haunts girls’ bathrooms in Japanese schools and if you knock on the third stall and call “Hanako-san” three times, she’ll appear. She might grant you a wish or pull you into Hell or something else, it varies.
(Her Wikipedia image, aww.)
Anyway, I dunno why the English title didn’t at least go with “Toilet Ghost Hanako-kun” or something that would have gotten the premise across even a little better (HE NOT TECHNICALLY BOUND BY THE TOILET EVEN, HE CAN GO ANYWHERE IN THE SCHOOL GROUNDS THE BATHROOM IS JUST HIS HOME BASE), but our boy Hanako haunting the girl’s bathroom only leads to broad jokes about our heroine being tasked with cleaning the bathroom and “dude you really shouldn’t be in here” comments, it’s pretty incidental.
Now that THAT’S out of the way, let’s talk about my LOVE FOR THIS STORY
Hanako-kun tells the story of a “regular” high school girl named Nene Yashiro, the mischievous and mysterious school ghost she befriends, and all the other weird monsters, exorcists, spirits and curses they encounter. It’s got a gorgeous, colorful bold aesthetic and art style that combines gothic and cute! It has a great mix of humor, intrigue, angst and fantasy action. basically if you love ghosts, monsters, Japanese mythology and legends, supernatural-human relationships, supernaturally fueled angst and drama, stories about trying to fix an unfair system the world has set up, wistful romance, a good shoujo manga with a Lot of Feelings (yes this is a shonen technically I’ll explain that later), weirdo dorks becoming friends AND MUCH MORE...this story will have something that will resonate with you. It’s got a lot going on, and it’s a ton of fun.
Hanako-kun is really one of those surprising stories that fits right into a hole in my story-loving heart I didn’t realize was still there, or that I’d actually been carrying since childhood. I love ghosts, see, and have since I was a kid!!! I knew this, but I kinda forgot how intensely I love them until this show reminded me again??? That’s because regular ghost stories/mysteries/whatever- I like them, but they don’t quite do it for me in the way more character-driven ones exploring the nature of being a ghost and humans and ghosts trying understand each other etc do. Stuff that really gets into the tragedy AND the fun fantasy aspect of ghosts, and plays the long game with it- and Hanako-kun scratches that itch perfectly.
Getting a little bit deeper into the premise of Hanako-kun, Nene is a very brave and sweet but not-all-that-bright girl (or, to put it more bluntly, she’s an idiot in the best way) who has a lot of romantic fantasies and insecurities and is VERY focused on them. After hearing a rumor at school that “Hanako-san of the bathroom” will grant wishes, she wishes to be able to confess to her crush and finds out its actually a weird ghost boy her age named Hanako haunting the bathroom! A lot of things happen, and she ends up cursed and bound to Hanako-kun, but also ends up slowly forming a friendship.
Turns out Hanako is the ghost in charge of the “seven mysteries/wonders” aka seven powerful supernatural entities that haunt this school (he’s number seven). These apparitions only supposed to terrorize students a LITTLE, because apparitions need to have rumors spread about them to remain in the human world.
(‘HAVE YOU HEARD?’ Oh hey shadow girls from Utena see you’ve moved to a new school.)
The rumors also generally dictate how powerful and dangerous the apparitions actually are- but SOMETHING MYSTERIOUS is changing the rumors around the school and making the apparitions go berserk and actually harm humans. So Hanako needs a human assistant to change the rumors and help him calm and seal the apparitions! That’s where Nene comes in.
Hanako himself is a very fun character- he’s very chaotic and revels in his whole “ gremlin ghost” persona, and is upfront about being a bit of an asshole. BUT he also makes his kindness, often good intentions and the fact he’ll have his friends back when it counts obvious from the beginning. B U T! He’s also got darkness and hidden depths to explore, and a lot of his persona is affected and masks deeper issues!
Our ghost boy is genuinely A TAD unstable deep down (as in he straight up has several untreated PTSD symptoms and that’s as disastrous as you’d expect) and packing some serious tragic backstory, as you might expect from a kid who died young and carries around a butcher’s knife, and it’s gonna come back to bite him and and all who care about him hard.
Especially when an overly enthusiastic exorcist named Kou Minamoto shows up! Kou is another one who’s very dumb and very good, a wannabe-shonen-protag with a heart of gold and strong sensitive, domestic side. He rounds out our main trio. Also he gets a tragic, emotionally intense relationship with yet another ghost boy that sings to my heart.
(Yes Hanako’s helping Nene to do the thing)
You may be able to tell, this story has INTENSE good-shoujo vibes despite technically being a shonen in a way that I love- it’s story very driven by big emotions, a variety of fucked up and tragically complex relationships, teen hormones running wild, etc, and it’s just delicious.
Nene is the normal-person-audience-surrogate-girl in a way that is more common for a shoujo protag, and the way her emotional connections to everyone, her sweeping romantic fantasies and her interiority are consistently in focus when she’s there- yeah, she’s definitely a plucky shoujo protag, 100%. And I’m all about that!!!
One thing I especially appreciate (though this comes across more strongly in the manga than the anime thanks to the anime rearranging things) is when Nene finds out about Hanako’s Heavy Baggage, she actually takes some time to herself to consider whether she can handle dealing with someone with these intense issues as a kid who’s never encountered stuff like this before- it’s not assumed by the story that the Sweet Girl is Obligated to help the Tragic Boy. I go into more detail about this part in this part here, but it’s that kind of attention to Nene’s needs that makes her role in the story work. Hanako and Nene and everyone’s struggles to get the hang of and properly navigate honest communication and mutual support in relationships are often really great and real-feeling
The story has a lot more things I love packed in to it- a dorky-but-still-deeply-unsettling villain gang who’s screwed up interactions are just as fun as our protagonists, yokai, A CURSED LIBRARY, some great ladies in addition to Nene, meditations on the nature of life, death, themes about fighting nihilism, and so on...I could seriously go on forever. It’s good stuff, and there’s lots of good weird supernaturals to meet.
The story’s also got tons of intrigue! The overarching plot and Hanako’s Mysterious Past is still in the process of unfolding, but it’s been great drama every step of the way! As mentioned before, the story also really relies on funny character dynamics, interaction and development to carry the whole thing and balance the drama.
The anime itself does have some pacing issues bc they crammed a lot into the first season and rearranged some stuff- an entire two chapter arc was skipped and was unlikely to be covered in the anime and some parts are noticeably rushed. I still really like the anime and it’s a solid adaptation. I love how much of the manga’s detailed aesthetic it managed to keep as well as the amazing voice acting and it made a few small but important additions. But there are some notable bumps- of course this just led me to go binge the manga (up to volume 12 is legally available digitally) and BOY DO I NOW LOVE THIS STORY EVEN MORE.
Now obviously, just because it is Exactly My Shit in a lot of ways doesn’t mean Hanako-kun is the much quested for “unproblematic fave”, there’s several caveats you should probs be aware of- its shoujo vibes also mean some classic shoujo ~Problematic tropes~ and a couple shounen ones.
THE LIST:
-Just as a general content overview thing: if this wasn’t clear the show deals heavily with death, body horror and other horror aspects. There’s heavily implied suicide and abuse and so on- as mentioned, the main character is traumatized and shows a lot of symptoms of PTSD, and Nene has to struggle to navigate her relationship with him because of this, as does Kou.
-Hanako himself has the whole ~loveable pervert~ and ~slightly possessive shoujo bad boy~ schtick going as part of his mischevious persona. In the anime so far, he never actually gropes or comments on not-in-his-naughty-mags-people’s breasts or anything of that level thankfully, but he’s very flirty, clingy, will loudly bring up porn, fond of the ol’ *says something that purposefully sounds sexually possessive* HAHAHA U THOUGHT I MEANT SOMETHING DIRTY RIGHT LOL ACTUALLY I DIDN’T.”
(My unnecessary ‘this part is kinda interesting!’ ramble: Nene always lists “sexual harassment” among Hanako’s flaws (she loves listing them), but doesn’t get visibly uncomfortable with his flirtiness or seem to mind it most times, which at least makes the whole thing more tolerable for me.
(since she doesn’t seem to mind that part and its clear he does it bc of actual affection for her, it’s actually p. cute how huggy he is.)
The one time it does cross the line and genuinely upset her, it’s treated seriously, Hanako is genuinely regretful and apologizes. That’s one of my fave moments in the story and the way it’s handled is well done.
This incident that he’s honestly pretty socially clueless as kid who died young and a lot of his bravado is to cover that up and keep people at a distance- this is a trope into itself that can use unpacking but I do at least appreciate that this is a considered character trait that’s part of his whole messed up package rather than something that thrown in there Just to Be a Fanservice Trope. (Especially since the manga confirms he never acted particularly pervy while alive, further cementing this is an affected persona).
-There’s a running gag around Nene’s insecurity over her thick ‘daikon shaped’ ankles and boys treating her badly for it.
One one hand, her body image issues are relatable, on the other, it feels cruel and annoying just how much the show finds ways to bring it up and humiliate her over and over again.
(My unnecessary “this is part is kinda interesting” ramble:The one thing i did realize that despite bringing it up constantly, we at least have no “i’m going to do this to lose weight” or “go on a diet” rhetoric,like this is just part of Nene’s body type and she knows she can’t change it? Which is kinda interesting. And I’ve spotted what might be foreshadowing something plot relevant’s going to happen with her ankles (I DON’T KNOW HOW, BUT GOD I PUT NOTHING PAST THIS STORY) so uh yeah??? either way it’s not good tho)
-”Obsessive and twisted love” is a running theme in this story, and while it’s generally acknowledged as unhealthy, it can be played for comedy in a way that could make viewers/readers uncomfortable. There’s a couple characters who’s entire thing so far is “obsessively in love with this one person” (and the one only focused on in the manga so far is one of the least interesting characters tbh ugh)
-The antagonist of the show is a member of a main character’s family, and the manner he acts towards pretty much everyone, including (and really especially) his family member, verges on seductive. This is presented as deliberately unsettling and treated as a marker of how unstable and scary he is- and though the backstory between them hasn’t been fully delved into, it’s pretty much all but confirmed he abused this family member physically and emotionally.
-The story has like, A LOT of queer subtext and pretty-heavy queer coding for one character especially, but the few times queerness blatantly comes up in the story, it’s played as a joke in the “haha that’d be kinda weird” way (aside from the rando boys who have a crush on Teru, handled pretty neutrally). It’s not as malicious as a lot of animanga can get (ONE MANGA INCIDENT ASIDE), but it’s something to Be Aware Of, and it makes it clear we’re unlikely to see subtext rise to text and makes some moments feel baity.
-And probably more I might have missed! The manga also has Some Shit in addition all the Good Shit that hasn’t been adapted yet, an early arc has Hanako crossing a serious line etc.
BUT despite how messy it is, I think it’s clear I have a lot of love for this story. In fact, I wouldn’t trade away a good chunk of its messiness (DEFINITELY SOME JUST NOT ALL), it kinda works for the characters and works in the “this story really feed my inner teen” way. Some of the trashy parts are exactly My Trash, basically.
So, I knew I’d ramble on for a while when I talked about his show, but if you’ve read this far, thanks, and I hope that means you’re gonna check out and maybe enjoy this story, bc i need more people to join me in Hanako Hell.
#toilet bound hanako kun#jibaku shounen hanako kun#jibaku shonen hanako kun#winter 2020 anime#anime overview#hanako kun#nene yashiro#yashiro nene#kou minamoto#minamoto kou#yugi amane#amane yugi#my reviews
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Why I’m a Leftist
I know I’m probably just some dude who reblogs cool stuff to most of my followers but I’ve got a nice long story/rant about my political beliefs here that I’ve been wanting to write for awhile
I am a leftist first and foremost because I value human life. Everyone matters. No person is inherently more important than another person. Everyone has inherent rights that should not be infringed. People who infringe on other’s rights are morally wrong to do so. In essence my leftism is based on doing what is right. Obviously everyone has their own opinion on what is right but what is vitally important is knowing why your moral code is right. This is why so many people become liberals or conservatives or otherwise rather than leftists. They simply do not know enough about how the world works. There are a lot of reasons they don’t know, not the least of which is intentional covering up history and preventing education. I don’t believe people who aren’t leftists are stupid, but I do believe leftists know more. It’s kinda fucked up but it’s the only way you can explain inconsistencies in other’s values.
My path to leftism was full of cringe. When i was 7 years old Al Gore was running against George Bush for president. I did not know enough to have a real opinion on it but I am happy to say that I wanted Al Gore to win. This thought was based on very little if any logical reason. I basically flipped a coin in my head I think. Or maybe there was some outside influence that I wasn’t aware of, like my older sister who I looked up to might have said she liked Al gore. Either way, from then on I was in favor of democrats and did not like George Bush. When 9/11 happened I remembered thinking how dumb it was that people lined up around the block to get gas. Even as a child I knew that some buildings going down wasn’t going to end the great nation of the United States. In general I thought the United States was a great country. I knew from movies and tv as well as elementary school history that the United States was the most powerful country in the world.
I recall in Sixth grade my teacher mentioned she liked George Bush because he was against gay marriage. Somehow at the time my opinion was the opposite despite being raised Catholic. I believed in god until I graduated high school and suddenly my desire to be religious slipped away and so did my belief. I do not consider this a great loss.
Sometime in middle school or early high school I had solidified my opinion that the war in Iraq and Afghanistan was pointless and George Bush was a bad president. I was heavily influenced by movies and somewhat by video games that had imparted plenty of anti-war messages. Talks with my dad about nuclear missiles, watching History channel shows about world war 2, and playing Metal Gear Solid which had explicit nuclear disarmament messages, all informed me on the horrors of war. This was not enough to make me totally anti-military. In high school I wanted to join the military because I thought it was an easy way to get life experience and eventually pay for college. I was attracted to the Marines because of how cool movies like The Rock and video games like Call of Duty made it seem to be a Marine. I thought they were the best of the best. I was simultaneously against war, against veteran worship, and very pro-military. I was indoctrinated by years of government propaganda but also disillusioned by all forms of media including the book All Quiet on the Western Front which was about a soldier becoming disillusioned by witnessing horrors of war and the negative impact it had on everyone in his country. I spoke with a recruiter during my senior year and expressed my desire to be a Marine but I told him I wanted to wait a year after high school so I could get physically fit enough. The recruiter did not care that I was underweight and out of shape. He didn’t even care that I was very enthusiastic about joining, he was still putting on his best salesman demeanor which made me incredibly uneasy. The experience is supposed to pressure people into signing up on the spot, I think they even had forms for me to sign (i can’t really remember though) but I was not ready and was aware enough how I was being manipulated although not entirely cognizant. After that I no longer wanted to be in the military.
I also have to point out that I grew up in an unstable household. My parents were both loving but they were flawed and made mistakes and had problems. My dad was a typical Gen x man’s man. A little bit too emotionally repressed, but actually really good with kids when it came to play time and still is. He worked a lot because my mother couldn’t. My mother has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder as long as I can remember. Her medical bills related to her problems combined with other financially bad decisions by my parents caused my home life to be fraught. I lived in varying degrees of poverty until my parents separated and me and my siblings moved with my mother to her parents’ house away from my father. Prior to moving though, we endured great financial difficulty. We were unable to afford school lunches but could not apply for free or reduced lunches because technically my father made a lot of money, however it was all garnished for medical bills. My father always tells about how he bought a car that had hidden frame damage and when he attempted to sue the dealership for selling a bad car he lost and was garnished for that as well. Despite making over 25 dollars an hour in 1999, my father could not afford school lunches for three kids and couldn’t afford to pay the gas bill. Without going into too much more detail, life sucked and continued to suck until I graduated, at least financially. I still found plenty of joy and it wasn’t always that bad. We still found ways to have good things like video games and we could always rewatch old movies but there’s a lot of psychic weight that comes with being that poor as a child and I’m sure it affects me and my ability to empathize with others who in bad conditions.
So i watched a lot of movies and documentaries, read a lot of books growing up, discovered internet forums at the age of 11, played video games, moved to a town that had a very large Hispanic population, and I even grew up poor. All of this life experience turned me into a very average liberal upon graduating high school. I was a very optimistic 18 year old. I thought science could save the world. If I was 18 today I would be an average redditor stereotype probably. The point here though is I still wasn’t a leftist. Only vaguely progressive and full of optimism. This is when I got sucked into the anti-feminist pipeline.
I can’t remember what exactly what I had going on in my life but I remember it was around the time of Gamergate. Everyone on the internet, celebrities, and pop culture were saying “if you believe in equality between genders you’re a feminist” an did not like that. And there was a ton of people online to tell me I was right in not liking that. They all said feminism was not necessary anymore because legally you couldn’t discriminate against women and I agreed. Gamergate made it worse for reasons too complicated to get into in this already long post but suffice it say I was “pro Gamergate.” This put me at odds with my closes friends who thought feminism was great and had no qualms with it, and were already embracing the idea of being a “social justice warrior.” Despite reading all kinds of anti-feminist think pieces and reveling in the discourse, I was still very progressive and liberal minded person. Still thought the military was bad, that black people were discriminated against etc. But so many aspects of anti-feminism were appealing to me as a white guy who tried their hardest to do what they’re told is right, had low self esteem, undiagnosed adhd and depression, and a fundamental misunderstanding of what feminism was. Two things got me out of anti-feminism though. The first and most important thing was having friends who were patient with me about it. I didn’t reveal how into anti-feminism I was because I was ashamed but they could sense it and pushed back when they could. The second thing that got me out of it was actually finding feminists online and reading what they had to say, staying away from poorly written clickbait articles that fueled misogynist tirades against feminism. After reading and learning from feminists it finally clicked. Our society is patriarchal and that affects how people interact with each other regardless of what is legal. Many of the complaints of anti-feminism talk about how men have it in society, so how can society be patriarchal. It’s because of patriarchy that men are put in bad positions. Some of the more self aware anti-feminists had retorts against these ideas but they were emotionally charged. There’s still some anti-feminists I have respect for because of how well prepared and logical they were when it came to disputing feminism. But when it came down to the fundamental tenants of feminsim all they could respond with was anger or outright denial of reality.
(If you’re like I was and don’t understand how anyone can thing modern feminism is good please feel free to ask me more, I just can’t get into specifics in this long ass post)
Anyways, once you understand patriarchy and how it affects an individuals actions then you can start seeing how other institutions and cultural norms can affect an individual. This is basically fundamentals of leftism. I’d say about 90% of my path to leftism was just naturally absorbing cultural and historical information through consumption of media. The most conservative people I know are people who haven’t read very many books or seen very many movies. I’m not saying watching Austin Powers at the age of 10 will make everyone a leftist but constantly recontextualizing the world by learning something new, even if you learned it from some dumb comedy movie, can give you better grounding in a shared reality.
Don’t know how to end this but I want to say when I was a teenager I thought “communism is good in theory but it doesn’t work in practice” and I had almost no historical basis for it other than the vague notion that USSR = bad despite having consumed a massive amount of media. None of it taught me what communism actually was, I didn’t know who Karl Marx was, and I had no clue why communism in the USSR failed. You can know a lot without knowing the truth so if you’re struggling with a loved one who is mind poisoned by conservative keep in mind that they know a lot but they’re missing something important to give clarity.
This has been my Ted Talk
#rambling#rant#Leftism#Conservative#feminism#anti feminism#Communism#Media#I definitely did not accomplish what I wanted to with this lol#Someone please clap#uwu
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Shipping vs Believing
I felt like talking about this, because in general a lot of people I come across seem to think that they are the same thing. And maybe the purpose of the word is changing, but the original use of “shipping” was actually to show you liked something, changed something into being or wanted something to be romantic or sexual between characters or people. Basically it’s about liking something that might not be romantic or sexual yet, or something that never has been or never will be romantic/sexual or in the case of making fanart or fanfiction sometimes expanding on something that is romantic/sexual with fiction because you want more than what you get.
95z is love. We know this. But, what kind of love is up for interpretation.
Shipping was originally mostly about fiction, but as it has become a more widespread expression it now also applies to relationships between real people.
And again, maybe times and overuse of the word “ship” has started to change the meaning of it, but to me shipping will not be liking a bond platonically and it will not be believing something is real. When someone says “I ship Vmin platonically” they are basically missing the whole point of the word if you ask me, as it’s used to differentiate between liking a friendship or platonic bond and wanting or liking a possible romantic or sexual connection.
However, what bothers me the most is when people don’t realize that shipping isn’t real. Shipping is liking to interpret interactions or other things in a non platonic way. It can even be hoping or speculating about characters or people being together. Basically “wishing for my ship to become canon” aka. turn real.
But if you already believe a ship is real, that is no longer shipping. At least not to me, because that was never the meaning of that word.
I have been a shipper for a long time, before ao3 and tumblr when I read and wrote fanfictions on livejournal or discussed pairings in random threads or blogs. And since the beginning you used shipping to show you liked a certain dynamic in a non platonic way. Same with ship names, which has also become so mainstream to use now that it’s lost it’s original purpose. Ship names like Vmin or RoMione (Ron x Hermione) etc. were to show it was liking two or more people together in a romantic or sexual way. If it’s in fiction it can also be to explore or expand on a canon pairing because you want more material.
In fact ship names and the word shipping had the point of separating reality from fantasy so you knew if someone said Vmin in stead of Jimin and Taehyung you meant it as a romantic or sexual thing and not just them together. Now people use ship names because its easier, and sadly that makes it a bit confusing with what people mean when they say “I love Vmin”.
I have shipped a lot of ships, both fictional and real people. And I know that most shippers behave and act the same when they reach a certain popularity and get support from each other. They help each other get convinced that their ship is real or will become canon. They also start to downgrade or downplay interactions between rival ships and sometimes goes as far as trying to dehumanize or delegitimize shippers of other ships. For example saying “most of their shippers are young/don’t know how it’s like to be in a relationship/don’t understand their personalities” etc. and essentially simply try to show why their camp knows best and why others just don’t see the truth. “I never used to ship but XXX just felt different” is another common one to justify why it’s not just shipping, the vibe is simply different. But, that is still just your own feeling and interpretation, and many others feel the same about other ships.
Lumping all shippers together as the same and generalizing also creates a us vs. them kind of mindset. Then with time and size of the community and more “evidence” the echo chamber effect makes everyone harden their belief in combination with confirmation bias until you have a whole community convinced they have the only real truth and everyone else simply doesn’t understand.
It’s honestly the same psychology you can find in religion and even in people who believe in conspiracy theories like that the earth is flat. Same type of behavior even though the subjects and situations can vary. I have studied warfare and war psychology at university and it’s a bit scary how ship wars are so similar to actual wars when it comes to the reasoning and psychology behind it. Because in the end it’s the same type of mindset and how the brain works to convince us something is the way we want it to be, for various reasons, while making the other side the enemy in a way.
I have seen shipwars in basically every fandom I have been in that has gotten big enough and that has “rivals”, like with One Direction or One Piece or The Hunger Games for example. Or even in ones I wasn’t in like the “team Jacob vs team Edward” in Twilight. There is a good reason for why I am very careful to say or try to convince someone a ship is real, when we don’t know. The only way to avoid ship wars is to stay open minded and not get defensive or aggressive, which will only further a generalization of your whole shipping community. “Vmin shippers are crazy/delulu/toxic/aggressive” etc. are situations I want to avoid, but that I know is likely to happen simply as the Vmin fandom grows in size.
We have similar moments that we got years ago that no one reacted to much, but with the growth of the community has become “proof”. People get more and more convinced as they get more and more things that confirm what they already want to believe. At the same time they also more and more ignore things that goes against their own beliefs and become less prone to accept alternative realities to the one they have created.
People believe in very different ships, and people are equally convinced they are the ones who are right. Which speaks for itself as it’s not possible for everyone to be right. But it is also possible for everyone to be wrong. When this involves real people it also becomes much more complex and difficult to analyze. Because things aren’t happening all planned out as in a story. Not everything is a hint for a ship being real, and it’s very difficult to try and understand a person or a relationship from afar when every person and relationship works very differently and there could be many different forces and reasons behind what we see. Especially when we don’t get to see everything and when there are good reasons to now show everything openly, as in the case of a possible LGBT+ couple.
In short I think people should realize that liking a dynamic, shipping something and believing in something are three different things.
For me I ship Vmin 100%, I love reading fics and putting possible romantic or sexual twists on their relationship for fun. I know this is fiction, and simply something I enjoy on a personal level based on my preference. I know I like many similar ships as well. I ship a lot of things in general, for different reasons. I can’t ship them with anyone else.
When it comes to liking real Jimin and Taehyung and their relationship I do that as well, I know the border between my shipping fantasies and what they say and do. This is why I say that I will love Vmin no matter their bond, because I don’t need the ship to become real for me to love Jimin and Taehyung’s bond. It’s still a beautiful relationship even if it is 100% platonic. But, as a shipper I still dream and fantasize and enjoy them as more than friends. But if they are together with someone else for real, I can accept that. I don’t own Jimin and Tae and I don’t get a say in how they live their lives just because I like something else than what they want.
And when it comes to supporting and believing a relationship is real, that’s when in my opinion and shipper stops being a shipper. The exception for me here is if the relationship actually becomes or proves to be real and you keep enjoying it through built fantasies to explore a real couple or a canon pairing. But generally, shipping equals imagining something, while believing is obviously beyond that.
Believing a ship to be real or to become canon can be very toxic, both in regards to creating friction between different shippers who believes and KNOWS they are right, which makes people who think differently wrong and in a way “the enemy” or a threat. Investing so deeply into a relationship can be very dangerous emotionally as well. For example, how people burned their books after a series is over when their ship didn’t end up together. This is a light version, as there are much worse things people have done for their ship or when things haven’t gone the way they thought. And that’s in fiction where it’s usually easier and more straightforward. If you feel bad watching another ship interact or dislike another member for getting in between your ship, then it shows you are involved to the point of feeling threatened by another dynamic. In a way it’s a second hand jealousy. Imagine that feeling if your ship isn’t real, or if a rival ship is real. It might lead you to even hate the people you used to love, or feel betrayed, even though it was originally just a fantasy in your head that you got too invested in.
I obviously write analysis, which definitely goes beyond just shipping, but that’s why it’s extra important for me to try and remember that it’s all just speculation. I do think Vmin act weird and have things worth discussing, and I think it’s interesting, so I write analysis. Having a discussion is not a bad thing, as long as it remains a discussion in which where you can accept being wrong and change your mind. Vmin is weird, and I think there might be something there, but I also know it can be me reading them incorrectly.
Everything except what we hear or see directly from the boys is speculation.
I might sound like a hypocrite as a analysis writer, but I have been in a lot of fandoms and have fallen in this trap myself before (not with a real ship, but the feeling is similar for fictional ships as well). I know how important it is to stay grounded and how easy it is to be swept away by plausible narratives or “proof” for a ship. But all ships have it, and all shippers act the same after getting popular enough or having enough weird moments to piece together. Vmin are getting to this point, and when I write about this it’s simply to be aware and try to avoid this trap.
It’s ok to believe a relationship is romantic or sexual (though I personally recommend not crossing the line into being convinced), and it can bring a lot of joy, but just know that there is always a possibility that you are wrong. Because when people ship basically everything they can see, and we don’t even see everything, it’s simply impossible for every “believer” to be correct.
That’s why I will keep speaking about speculation and not proof. Me being certain about Vmin being real or talking about their interactions with confidence like I know exactly what they mean won’t help anyone, not myself and not you who read what I say.
I know this might sound a bit much, and that I might come off as a know it all or even a hypocrite. But honestly, if you only read and reblog one of my posts I hope it might be this one. Because I truly think it’s important to be aware of what we and other people in this fandom are doing.
I hope you all enjoyed reading this rant... And I hope you might understand me a little bit better because of it. Thank you! <3
#vmin#bts shipping#shipping#ship wars#taehyung#jimin#btsandvmin#my post#vmin analysis#shipping analysis#bts#personal rant#ship psychology
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Hey, are you participating in NaNoWriMo? Have you ever? And what was your experience like? I'm considering it but I feel so intimidated because I know I won't be able to commit to it wholeheartedly. Lowering my expectations and pacing myself would seem like the perfect solution but work kills my creative brain cells by the seconds. I wouldn't be surprised if by the end of November I've only written half of page of alien language. Any advice? Also does Nano have to be a new project?
Oh man, Nano. I’m well familiar with Nano, and I’ve participated a few times (to varying degrees of success). This got very long, so I’m putting a cut.
The first time I attempted Nano was in 2006 for my novel Seerking. I had heard about it from a friend who was in an LJRP I was in, and she encouraged me to try it. I was still in high school at the time, and very frankly I did not have the dedication necessary to complete it. I got a lot of worldbuilding complete, but very little writing. I got about two pages of prose, and three notebooks of character and setting history, as well as a fairly detailed outline. I still have all of this.
The second time I attempted was in 2009, for a story that is based heavily on the Iron&Wine song ‘Boy With a Coin’. I got a little bit further, but I got stuck in a few places. I think it’s because my idea was bigger than my life experience, and I also got stuck in a lot of small details. Additionally, my first Word document (where I got about two chapters in?) was destroyed when my laptop’s hard drive just straight gave up on life - I did buck up and rewrite quite a bit, though it didn’t sing quite the same notes, and I have this handwritten copy still. (It’s possible I tried again with this same project the year after? I don’t remember tbvh)
My third attempt was in 2011, about a goverment operative and a faun. This one I got the furthest, and I still have the original handwritten draft and the typed copy. I pantsed this one, 100%. To this day, I still don’t know how this story ends, but I’d love to attempt a rewrite someday.
Then, unfortunately, from around 2012 until Fall of last year, I stopped writing period. I was in a real bad situation, and just didn’t have the energy for anything, let alone a novel. My most recent experience with Nano as an organization was Camp Nano, which is a much looser structure, and it is in May and July. Rather than the hard and fast 50k, you set your own goal when you announce your project.
I can understand your hesitance to participate, honestly. Nano is a beast of a project – to reach the minimum goal of 50k in the 30 allotted days, you have to produce 1667 words of new content every single day. This is approximately 3 pages, maybe a little more – which is a lot when you’re already stressed! And if you miss a day you have to adjust your daily totals for every following day, and the pressure starts to mount! It’s a lot, even if it is only meant to be a neat little challenge (mostly, I’ll cover benefits a bit later).
Now, my recommendations are going to follow two paths: planning, and pantsing. If you are naturally a planner – that is, you like having rough outlines, refined outlines, you like having character data, history, etc – then I recommend you have as much of your novel planned ahead of time before November 1st hits. Whatever notes or files you need to have set aside before you begin writing those first words, have them ready – read over them, refine them, and have them memorized front to back so that you know what your story is meant to be. If you are a natural planner, and you have not done this by today’s date (it’s 30 October where I am), then I do not recommend participating this year because it will stress you the fuck out and you might even make yourself sick.
The other popular option is called pantsing – essentially, you have a rough idea, and you’re flying by the seat of your pants. (This is literally what it is called on the Nano website, by the by – there are badges for it and everything.) If you are a pantser, then I still recommend a little preparation, but of a wildly different degree and type: find your story’s ambiance. If you are a pantser, think about what sparked the idea for your story? Try to put yourself back in the place (emotionally or physically) where you had the most intense version of the idea, and hang onto that feeling with both hands. This is incredibly important, because it will allow you to harken back to that feeling without chasing the high of first being hit by that feeling. If you are a pantser, focus heavily on the feelings you want to evoke with your story, and let your heart guide you.
Now the third option (I know what I said, I lied all right) is if you are a combination planner-pantser; you don’t want to have the rigidity of the outline, but you also like having a little bit of structure, or at least a direction to go in. If you are a combination planner-pantser, I recommend doing very soft preparation for yourself in the week leading up to Nano. So things like building yourself a playlist, maybe doodle what your main looks like in your head, or small details like character names and short dossiers. If you’re able, I recommend coming up with an ending, so you know what the end-goal looks like and you are able to track your story’s completion in your head.
For all three, I would recommend deciding ahead of time how you want to write your novel – are you going to type it up in a word processor (please make so many backups, do not live the heartache that I had to)? Are you going old school and hand writing it? Are you feeling like a boss that day and maybe want to dictate it into an app on your phone? Pick one, and make a dedicated space for your novel. You can mix them up, certainly, but make sure that you are able to consolidate effectively or you’re going to stress yourself out.
Now, you asked whether or not it has to be a “new” project. There are actually a few answers to this, depending on what you mean. Now, if we are to assume that “new” strictly means a brand new, fresh idea that you have just come up with specifically for National Novel Writer’s Month 2020, then the answer is no; it does not. Back in the day, there were a few purists that insisted you had to have a designated project every year, but like most purists, they’re just being assholes about it.
As a matter of fact, it does not even have to be a brand new project that you have not written any words for at all – however, if you do have an idea that you have already written for, you are not permitted to use any of your previous word count toward your goal. This is definitely a no-no. Personally, I’ve tried this, and I found it rough – I liked having the designated project, and I liked the buildup to it.
If you have, though, an idea that you’ve worked over and you are simply ready to start putting words on a page, this, I think, is Nano’s sweet spot.
Now, I know most of this 1000+ answer has been cautioning and reminders that Nano is tough – because, well, it is. It is a huge undertaking, and I feel like every participant has their horror stories to tell about their experience. But I want to reassure you that it isn’t 100% a hard slog to a dreary end; there are so many tools that Nano themselves provide you, as well as user-run communities and workshops, and even some benefits after the fact. These are the things I want to wrap this post up with.
Firstly, no matter how tired or stressed you are, if you register for nanowrimo.org, you’ll begin receiving daily emails from published authors and past participants. These range from silly and tedious, to incredibly comforting. My favorite one, which I cannot remember a lot of specifics from, was from a man who detailed his experience and reassured everyone that the work doesn’t have to be good – it just has to be 50k words. That’s it. You can have typos and errors all over the place, plot holes of all shapes and sizes, and a main character who doesn’t make any sense at all; it doesn’t matter, because the point of the event is simply to finish. Neil Gaiman has also said a time or two that your first draft’s only purpose is to exist. Just get the words out; you can fix them later.
Additionally, when you are completing your profile, you can enter in your location and there are designated forums for participants in your area. In the past, there have been meetups for group-writes and workshops as well, though I imagine they will be more along the lines of Discord calls this year. If you are a social person who needs a pair of eyes to help you work through a scene, Nano’s got your back. They will also send you statistics for your area for the average word count, daily word count, past winners, etcetera. It can sometimes feel like you are very alone during this difficult project, but a lot of these things bring a very human element to the event.
Finally, what comes after you have completed. A lot of these benefits are newer than my time, but I browsed through them when I did my Camp Project. When you complete the goal in the allotted time, you get a neat little badge for your webpage and a printable certificate for the immediate boost of dopamine. But you will also get discounts to some neat shit, like different word processing applications (I got 50% off of Scrivener when I finished Camp), as well as things like The Great Courses, discounts in the swag store, etc. But more than that, there are partnering websites who want to help you on the road to being published. Wattpad is in this group, but I believe also big name publishers (I might have seen Penguin on there at one point) are willing to work with winners to get their works distributed.
All that said, I recommend every writer attempt Nano at least once in their writing career. Even if I personally have not done so stellar in the past, it is a fantastic learning experience for all of the work that goes into producing a novel from start to finish – it forces you to know your limits, and sometimes to overcome them. I don’t think I will be participating this year – I have so many side projects that I want to get done, but I will very likely drop everything to do it next year. I have two novels that are real roughly built up that I could do for this, though, and I would love the dedicated time to spend on them.
#asked and answered jim#red-write-district#writeblr#writing advice#nanowrimo#i'm actually really fond of every nano project i've ever done#even if i didn't finish any of them#i still go back and read them sometimes#and i still have a lot of like plot details in my head for them
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