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cloutchaserkineme · 20 days

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fail, girl!

5:49 p.m. Friday, on a straw mat, with peel-off lipstick on

When we were in a journalism competition, a newspaper columnist came and held a small workshop for us small budding high school students. She was one of those old-Martial Law era types, the ones who got the grit and experience necessary to survive being a journalist here in the Philippines, a dragon with callused wings swanning into a place full of ickle baby lizards with fresh bits of slick membrane still clinging to our scaly lids.

She asked who among those of us competing for the copyreading category in the room wanted to become a journalist. I was the only one who tentatively raised a hand.

She was confused, and a bit disappointed that none of these little reptiles who managed to clear the first two rounds of the competitions wanted to pursue fact-checking and editing and newswriting in totality. I thought she was just reacting as an animal bred for her field- her life was words, and she couldn't fathom anyone else trying so hard to succeed in a field they weren't going to nurture and continue in any way.

At least, that's what I thought she thought then. Now I know she was probably just confused. No other deeper meaning to it.

Like I am right now. I have not been a law student in two to three weeks, just simply going to events and covering them and interviewing clients and transcribing quotes and attempting and failing to write the articles I need to write from them.

I feel impotent and stupid and just plain useless. Those kids who didn't raise their hands... they were smart. They were onto something. They knew that this wasn't a field to pursue if you wanted to be successful in the long term. These smart kids, achievers and top ten placers in their school with their latinate appellations a soft launch for their three-to-four letter profession markers in their certificates.

They were just there because the journalism competition held a lot of points in class and school rankings, not because asking people and getting answers and writing those down and spreading them out was fun and nice to do. They were smart, playing the game like that. I just played with whatever they gave me and never thought to do anything that required higher thinking skills with it.

They gave me a pencil, then a pen, pointed me to people and events and ideas- and I wrote. I didn't think anything beyond that.

Now I type, heavily and with such excess. I don't like what I type, and I think I hate typing...even writing this update is very tiring for me. I don't like it anymore. I don't like the updates getting from my bosses and coworkers, I don't like being jealous and envious of my coworkers having their ducks in their row and effortlessly slaying this industry I thought I was a good fit for. I don't like working for people who use money to do fucking shit in my place, I don't like platforming [type of company redacted for anonymity purposes] on our articles, and I fucking hate talking to people in a large crowd.

A few days ago I met a journalist who never asked questions (fully online desk reporter, though she worked in local print media like I did) and was more anxious than me and I felt a kinship with her and she was nice. Until I saw a friend of mine during the same event, and she congratulated me for getting into law school, and that my cousin from my father's side who failed the bar exam thrice but was married to an attorney he met in law school was surprised that I was still there and why I haven't quit the silly little news writing thing I was doing. And this journalist congratulated me for doing such a good job. I felt like a fraud, like I have inadvertently put her under the same illusion I somehow cast over everyone else- the spell of "oooh look at her she is a competent person who has her ducks in a row".

She has expectations of me that I don't know how to meet!

And I was stressed but I wasn't as stressed as my friends who were also working in offices with solid hours and good career prospects and great work-life-school balance and they had three midterm exams back-to-back.

You know what I did with those same hours? Nothing. Just daydreaming and sleeping thinking about fictional characters being loved and nothing else and I have put off so much. The gig I took, the articles I am three to four days late in passing, the fucking law school!

Killing myself isn't even going to cut it anymore, the phrase has been slicing over so many thoughts in my head for nine months now that the edge of it has dulled and it can't pierce through the brain fog right now.

I want to have my cake and eat it too, like the greedy Jupiter-Venus person that I am (but the Mercury-ruled detriment of both these planets is literally knowing that this isn't practical or realistic or rooted in explainable and measurable actions). So yeah... we go fucking on? I don't know. I don't have much faith in myself any more.

Do I learn how to say no? Or how to stop saying yes?

(30) 6:34 p.m.

#t #aarrrghghghg i was wondering why i havent had a selfie in a while then my mom took a picture of me #and i just remembered why people don't react to me the way i expect them to- and it's because i have a different picture of what i look lik #than what they see #and although that photo was physical (i saw myself as a plump old grandma type with graceful shoulders #but was in reality a glob with scraggly hair and a side profile where my thyroid is wider than my jawline)#it reminded me also that people's perception of me as someone who got into law school #while working a fulltime job where i get to go to major events in the city #while also passing the board exam first try merely three months after graduating #like they see me as this unstoppable force that may be quiet and doesn't shine but does shit so well that it dazzles everybody #meanwhile i have been lying on a bed of nails of anxiety and pressure because im not performing well in any sphere of my life #i can still take care of my personal hygiene and food but that's about it. who the fuck am i is no one #just a lazy fucking no one who hasn't proved anything yet and i want to kill myself! except i think id fail even in that

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bridgetoesoteria · 3 months

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😡#@! Who is scared of you and why?😰

Honestly, I'm pretty curious to see what the piles hold. Any energy could come through. Professional, romantic, friends/family, etc. 😬

Lets find out! Piles are left to right! (idk why it's so small sorry)

HOPE IT RESONATES. PAY ATTN TO YOUR INTUITION AND HOW THE MESSAGES RESONATE FOR YOU PERSONALLY!!

Pile 1

4 card spread: 6 of wands, 5 of cups, 10 of wands, 5 of swords. BOTD: 8 of swords

Damn Pile 1. Remind me not to mess with you... For some of you, this is a person that perceives you as playing dirty. So you could have "one against them in some "won," in some way. Some examples that are immediately coming to mind would beating a romantic rival or winning some kind of sports tournament.

For others, this could have to deal with the legal system. For the Urban Tarot Deck, the 10 of wands is represented as a man in jail. So this person could be in trouble with the legal system or some kind of institution or authority. For some reason, I do not think you are talking, but maybe its because you can't? Like if they are overseas and its hard to get reliable service, if they are in jail and have limited access to a device, or you have decided to stop speaking. Some of you could be testifying against this person or you could be breaking up/divorcing.

So I used my Bold Perceptions deck and asked how you perceive this person. These are the cards that came out, make of them what you will: "How would you describe or label your style?"// "If you could bring back one fashion from throughout history, which would it be?" (Pile 1, is their fashion sense kinda unique??) If you could see a statistic or number floating above people's heads like in a video game, what would you most want to see and why? (could be a gamer, or someone who you wish you could read better) "What do you think the opposite sex notices about you first?" // "What do you notice first about the opposite sex?" (there could be mutual attraction, one or both of you could be jealous about the attention the other receives)

Why??

Oop! Okay, I see now. I think this person is afraid of you spilling the beans. Interesting that I got a message about the legal system. This does not have to necessarily pertain to the law though. I am also seeing that if you are part of an affair, they could be scared you are going to move on, or that you could expose them.

For some of you this person is scared that you are pregnant. Or there could be something to do with hiding a pregnancy. Some of you it is not that dramatic. This person could be too intimidated to approach you and get communication going again. This will be especially true for situations where you cut this person off over cheating or something. They are trying to keep you from leaving.

There are also a lot of pentacles out. The only cup card is the knight of cups, which is on the bottom of the deck after I pulled clarifiers. So this person could be really focused on stability. Whatever they are scared about ties into their stability and keeping things "under wraps", is what I am specifically hear. But what if you don't want to hear them out?

TL;DR: This is someone that is known to you, but you probably aren't speaking often. There could be an issue with the legal system, a break up, divorce, or secret being exposed. This person could be attractive and have a unique sense of style. You could wish you were able to read their mind. They are scared of you because they do not want to lose their stability or you. They are scared to reach out and get rejected but they are trying to keep everything together.

Pile 2

4 card spread: 6 of swords, 8 of swords, King of Cups, Temperance. BOTD: 10 of swords

This could be family for some of you. A masculine or male figure in your family, so a brother, dad, husband, etc. Or possibly a woman who is more masculine, but I do think for most it is an actual man. I don't think you are in contact with this person. They could have experienced an ending recently or they are under an extreme amount of stress. For some of you, this person could be depressed or struggling with something else mental health related.

There is a sense of trying to find balance with the 6 of swords and temperance. They could also have relocated. I am getting some workaholic vibes. This is starting to remind me of Pile 1... They feel like they lost something and I am getting a lot of "she left and took the kids," type of vibe. Regardless, they certainly feel alone and regretful. For some of you this person has experienced an actual loss and they are trying to find balance again after that.

I used my Bold Perceptions deck and asked how you perceive this person. These are the cards that came out, make of them what you will: "What do you think your best physical feature is?" // "What you think my best physical feature is?" (you and this person may share certain features or look alike or have feature that the other likes) "If you had to rename me, what name would suit me best?" // "What is the worst nickname you can think of for me?" (do they have a cringe nickname? or maybe you call them something else behind their back, like captain poop face lol) "Who would you invite if you threw a party and could bring any three celebrities?" // "What three would least want to come?" (you could perceive this person as being cool, uncool, or well-connected)

Why??

Some of you could be really spicy. Maybe you cussed this person out. If you cut them off they are scared this is a permanent decision. For some of you, they could be scared that you will explore other options. Like maybe you will entire your selfish era and just go where ever your heart tells you. Maybe they pushed you too far this time.

This person could have tried to sell you a dream and you are realizing you can do bad all by yourself. You could be very content on your own, investing in yourself, going out, having a good time. If you aren't in that energy already, they are afraid that you are headed there. For whatever reason, this scares them.

TL;DR: This is a masculine energy, could be a family member for some of you. For example, a brother, husband, or father. They can be someone who is struggling mentally/emotionally right now. They could tend to overwork themselves. You may have left this person. I don't think you have much respect for them anymore. They are scared of you being happier single and realizing that you do not need them. They are scared they have lost you for good. If you haven't entered this energy yet, they are terrified that you will.

Pile 3

**this energy was by far, the most difficult to tap into today!! Some of you might resonate with Pile 2, because I keep mixing them up.

4 card spread: Death, The Tower, Queen of Cups, Ace of Pentacles. BOTD: 5 of wands

So this pile does not have any strong romantic energies like the last pile, but take it however it resonates. I feel more of a friendship that might have gone sour. This could be someone that you fight with or have fought with in the past. They could be a person that is argumentative. You could be the complete opposite of them; Softer, more feminine, gentle... This person could gossip a lot. They could get a lot of attention from suitors but none of the relationships are particularly meaningful or long-lasting. They could like to compete for attention.

Wow, I would not expect a person with this energy to be scared of anyone. But I guess the loudest people are sometimes overcompensating. This could be family or someone you are very close to. They could be used to having control over you or your life in some way. This could be someone that is sad to see you leaving. I think life has definitely started to guide you to different paths.

I don't think you like this person. They could be an asshole fr! The king of swords just came out and that is my "asshole" card. Someone that is pretty selfish. They could also be a liar and harsh with their words. They could be emotionless. You could really dislike them right now. You probably want your space and to learn how to be okay on your own.

Next, I'm pulling from my Bold Perceptions deck. We are asking how you perceive this person. These are the cards that came out, make of them what you will: "In what ways do you think social media has changed dating" // "If you could be in a one-sided open relationship would you?" (this person could be some who cheats, or flirts a lot online. You know, the type of person that stays in people's likes & DMs. You could have met online. They could have tried to play you in some way) "Which emojis remind you the most of me?" // "What are your pet peeves, and what do you think mine are?" (you could text a lot, maybe never went past the talking phase, you could have been roommates) "Ask a Bold question that you have always wanted to." (is there something you want to know about them, or is this someone who you are waiting on to ask you out?)

Why??

They could worry that you are going to find something on their phone. Maybe you already have found out they are flirting with people online or maybe following pages or consuming media you aren't okay with. You could be really defensive toward this person right now. They are scared of your words.

They don't want to lose you. They may have always pictured their future with you in it. They don't want you to make any rash decisions. This person is scared of what happens if you do not accept their apology or offer. They don't want to "start all over," that probably means something different for each situation. But with the 7 of cups being clarified by the 2 of wands and 6 of cups, I think they would rather smooth things over with you. But they are aware it is possible they may have to move on.

TL;DR: Very tough energy to read so maybe this person does not show much emotion. This could be someone you consider an asshole. They could be a big flirt and could use social media to meet people. That could even be how you met. Or this could be the traits of a female friend you fell out with. This person could also be a gossip. They are scared of losing you. They are scared of having to start over if you do not forgive them or accept an offer.

I am trying to stay consistent with posting at least once a week. Kept this one a little shorter cause I have hella assignments 😬🥴

The next reading will be any one of the polls that are left from the poll. What will it be? Mwahaha

👛Tips are muy appreciated.

Ttys 😎😘

~ K

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lovingoverwatchguys · 11 months

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Soldier 76 and Tracer [warning: long post]

A lot of this boils down to headcanon, because this storyline is clearly incomplete (and will probably be expanded upon later...hopefully) and also is often implied rather than said aloud, but I really do think Soldier and Tracer have the kind of father-daughter dynamic in canon, the same way people give him and Dva one in fanon.

At this point, I think it’s pretty well-established that Jack wants to look out for Lena’s safety. Consider what he says when you select her in the Uprising event:

(This line truly touches my cold, dead heart.)

And when he sees her get killed in-game: (I believe the ‘seeing teammate get killed’ voicelines were taken out of the game because there’s already so much audio clutter. Which is understandable, but a bummer, because there was so much relationship insight in them)

Plus the iconic:

A lot of the time, people have the idea of the new generation of Overwatch being the ‘kids’. The thing is, while someone like Cassidy might have been Overwatch’s kid, I’d say Lena was Jack’s kid in particular. He quickly takes a liking to her, and she admires him a lot. I think she even still would defend him. In the London Calling comic, despite her polite smile, she doesn’t seem to like the public perception of other Overwatch members:

When you look at someone like Angela, who clearly holds resentment or at least regret towards Overwatch’s fall, versus Lena, who seems to remember it fondly and hate how people perceive it...it’s clear to me that she still believes in it. And not just in the abstract sense of ‘likes its original ideas’; she believes in how it was, including the leadership.

Including the Strike Commander.

As of right now, we haven’t gotten a ton of canon material regarding the relationships between the characters between the time of Retribution and the Zurich explosion. We have the Ana comic where she ‘dies’, but that doesn’t really go very deeply into anyone’s mindset other than Ana herself. The scraps we have at least seem to imply that Lena fit right into the Overwatch ‘family’.

With that thought in mind, I wouldn’t be surprised if she formed a bond with the Strike Commander, even with the bubble he put himself in. She was certainly at least in touch with the people closer to him. She also seems to be quite familiar with Ana.

I think Jack cares about Lena and has a specific protectiveness of her, moreso than the other ‘next generation’. Like some kind of father, if you will. (Also, the gay and lesbian thing might be a coincidence, but it’s still worth considering...)

Now, let’s talk about parallels. (Thank you to @lenaperseveranceoxton for inspiring parts of this post, echoing a lot of how I already felt, but giving a couple new details I hadn’t thought of, in this post )

There are a lot of things about Soldier 76 and Tracer that are similar, and I don’t think this was an accident or excessively basic characterization. And I think Jack picks up on this. (I’m unsure about if Lena does)

Now, I could talk about how he refers to her ‘potential’, but I think the biggest piece of direct evidence here is this part of the Uprising comic. Lena comes to try and convince Jack to put troops in London, despite the fact that many governments are very deadset on not doing that. (When you think about it, that probably does mean he put his surrogate daughter over the law...be gay do crimes moment.)

The thing that informs Jack to make the decision to send troops into London is this after his conversation with her:

The implication I got was that Tracer, with all of her spirit and belief in doing what was right, reminded Jack of himself when he was younger and more idealistic. It reminded him what he originally created all of this for.

And while this is hopeful and all, Jack does eventually lose that type of idealism (well, to some extent, but I already went off about that elsewhere). Meanwhile, Lena is left with it.

Now, there’s also Vincent and Emily. Lena is still with Emily, and her decisions are often influenced by her caring for her girlfriend. Lena will do things to protect her and retain their happy relationship.

Meanwhile, Jack split with Vincent over his job. Unlike some people, I don’t think Jack is still in love with Vincent as a person; Vincent represents the life he gave up for the Commander position, and how sad he is about that. It’s not even about who Vincent is now. Who knows if they’d even still be together? What it’s about is living a life with a family and not constant stress. Something simpler.

So, Lena is someone who hasn’t given up that life yet. But she’s still young enough that she someday could.

But all of that just leads me to the speculation that Jack doesn’t want Lena to go into this, because he fears that she’ll end up the same way he did. The idealistic person getting their dreams crushed by the cruel world of politics. He wouldn’t want her to be part of new Overwatch, because he thinks she’s putting herself in danger.

You know what I think would be cool? If ultimately, that was what pulled him back into this whole fight once and for all. Obviously he has plenty of reasons to want to go back, but I’d love if what pushed him over the edge was protecting Lena and feeling responsible for keeping her from what he went through. It’d be a nice parallel, and a moment where he could show how much he genuinely does care. And most importantly, it would show that he still has something to learn from the younger people. I think that’d be a good growth moment for him, and could even be a nice theme for the audience.

Okay, maybe I also just want them to have cute moments together. Maybe I want him to try and take her fishing or some other lame old man thing. Is that so wrong?

In conclusion: sometimes a family is a gay old man, his lesbian daughter, and her cute girlfriend.

#soldier 76 #tracer #overwatch

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cool-trina-world · 1 year

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Heavenly Download No.2

I realized, a long time ago, that i , myself, WAS a reaction to my upbringing. It was horrible. And to also realize that not much more of me had developed beyond that point… Man, i just cant tell ya. My unremitting faith is the only way i got through halfway normal. I was lucky, in the strange way i thought, because i KNEW that my betters(read those in authority over me) had it all wrong. Particularly where it came to me. It was crazy making. For real. But i somehow knew that , even though I was the common denominator, the fault didnt lie with me, but with my perceptions and my reactions. That was major. And it took years longer for me to put it into words.

So, In the midst of the awakening It suddenly strikes me that maybe... What if when i decided, in the third grade, that i just wasn’t meant to be happy I wasn’t setting up bad self talk but I was reminding my forgetting human self what had been decided before coming here? What if that reminder every few years when i go, “ oh yeah, I forgot that, how could i forget? Im not meant to be happy” wasn’t me being negative, and wasn’t bad self talk? What if being given the tools I would need WAS the lessons on how to be happy? How to love other people and just let them be responsible for themselves while still loving them. And not letting someone elses actions, or in-actions dictate how i feel. ... what if I was learning how to just be, and how to just let others be?

What if I am learning to show love and grace to people who would never get a concept of what it actually was otherwise? What if i had to remember that one phrase in order to learn to be who i was meant to be, and in order to be able to teach and vibrate what I have learned?....And to be happy. And to be the me I choose to be anyway?

That would mean that i didn’t need to feel, any longer, that my life had been a waste.

That would mean that i was doing a good job of completeing, at least that part, of my soul mission.

“'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. '” — Jeremiah 29:11.

Reverse Speech is teaching me that even the gods have to abide by Divine Law.

which includes actions and reactions.

Heavenly Download Number 2

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sxfik · 3 years

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Why is hanseok considered the greater evil, and vincenzo the lesser evil?? I genuinely dont understand, can you explain it to me please??

hiii thank you so much for sending me an ask!! i'm not going to lie, i saw this ask a long while ago when you originally sent it but it took me a long while to answer it because i really had to think about it and also it's kind of a hard question for me to answer. but, i will attempt my best to kinda give my thoughts on why we consider vincenzo as the "lesser evil."

first, i need to say that both vincenzo nor han seok are good people and i am not saying that either of them are good people. i am simply comparing their evil levels and explaining why we as viewers often find vincenzo to be the lesser evil than han seok.

second, we need to define what evil means in this context (which is kinda hard because it depends on each person's perception but aaa) if we're considering someone evil for purely their actions, excluding motivations, then both vincenzo and han seok are the same level of evil. han seok brutally murders, and psychologically and physically abuses people. vincenzo's actions (aka setting people on fire, abusing and murdering people, torturing people, etc.) also makes him evil.

BUT if you define evil through motivation, then vincenzo and han seok are still evil but not on the same level of evil. yes, both characters commit bad actions but their motivations are different. vincenzo kills only when given a reason to. for example, we know that a robber killed his foster parents so when he joined the mafia he both psychologically and physically tortured him for almost a year (now whether the method of killing is a justifiable or an equal punishment for the crime is an entirely different question and i just won't be able to answer that because it's just so hard and complex of a question.) he sets the warehouse on fire to get revenge on behalf of the victims of the drug produced in said factory. he kills the two people who killed cha young's father and he kills the people who set up the family of the dead researchers to look like a suicide. he only kills or tortures people who have done a wrong against him or the people he cares about.

on the other hand, han seok kills and tortures for his own amusement and gain. he kills the prosecutor with the hockey stick because he didn't get his way and they annoyed him. he allows and gives the resources to choi myung hee to kill or maim anyone that gets in the way of his plans. han seok murdered his classmates for no reason other than he didn't get what he wanted. and most of all, he tortured and abused han seo just for his amusement. han seo was his punching bag, where he would belittle and abuse him in order for han seok to get his anger out. he does bad actions without a given or justifiable reason. he would play with han seo and keep him on the edge at all times, because he got a power rush from it. so when you compare vincenzo and han seok's motivations for their actions, i don't think you can say that vincenzo is the same level of evil as han seok.

we also don't see vincenzo attacking someone beloved to the person who has done wrong in order to get revenge. for example, in order to hurt vincenzo, han seok kills vin's mother, who has not done anything wrong this situation. but with vincenzo, we never see that happening. even though we see vincenzo hanging out with prosecutor jung's family after he betrays them, there's not a moment that he actively threatens or attacks prosecutor jung's family. he doesn't threaten prosecutor jung or tell him he will kill his family because in his mind, it's not justifiable to take the life on another person who hasn't done wrongdoing in order to hurt the person who has. for han seok this is not true, he has killed or attacked innocent people to make his enemy hurt.

another reason we are bound to consider vincenzo 'a lesser evil' is because of remorse. despite vincenzo's motivations or actions, he displays remorse and regret for the killing he has done. han seok, on the other hand, does not. Vincenzo is haunted by the killings he has done, by the blood he has spilled and we don't ever see that ending even when he gains a family and gains love. even if he can justify his actions, he is still regretful of what he had to do. han seok does not show the same remorse as him, only feeling bad when it is his life that's under threat in the very last scene. not to mention that he brags about killing, he gets power and happiness from his killings both when he killed his classmates as well as when he killed the prosecutor. han seok takes pleasure in his actions, as he is shown dancing and being gleeful as he kills vincenzo's mother and many others. he has no regret or shame in what he has done.

in so many law and crime shows we see a "morally" good hero who "spares" the villain in the end because it is the "right thing to do" despite a) killing all their side minions that helped the villain and b) all of the villains evil actions and harm they have caused the victims. we, as viewers, often aren't satisfied at the end because we're not seeing the punishment match up to the crime. this show's main thesis is showing that han seok is so evil that no law or justice system can properly punish him for the pain and abuse he has inflicted on his victims AND because this system that is supposed to punish him is just as cruel and corrupt as he is. it's highlighting the injustice to the victims of babel as a corporation, victims of the justice and law system and victims of han seok himself. vincenzo is showing that he is the best punishment for han seok because vincenzo is a mirror to him and han seok in the end is getting a taste of his own medicine.

all of this is why that last monologue of the show is important. we, as viewers, are watching a show that frames vincenzo as the main protagonist. his actions and him are framed in a way to make us root for him, with the music and the cinematography. but we're also given small reminders of who he actually is throughout the show: through the nightmares he faces, through mr. tak telling him not to change into a lighter person, through the scene where he faces han seok in jail. and finally, that ending monologue is showing that no, he is still a bad person. he is still an evil person who is committing bad actions and us rooting for him to punish the villains in this show does not change the badness of his actions. really, that last line in vincenzo is making us question whether his actions are justifiable and can we actually root for him.

feel free to disagree with me or start a conversation below because i feel like this is a really interesting question but the answer to this changes based on each person's perception of morality and what constitutes a good person and a bad person. i feel like this is such a deep question and there's so many ways and angles that you can look at this from so i don't think i've done a great job in explaining everything but this was just what i came up with for today. there's also every chance that my line of reasoning or logic is flawed so i'm open to any criticisms to this so i can acknowledge and correct it!

(also if you want a good kdrama that asks these same questions and has that same energy as vincenzo then please watch taxi driver! it’s a great show and it really makes you think about the earlier questions of “does the punishment given out by vigilante justice match the crime committed by these people? to what extent is vigilante justice justifiable? where does the law draw the line between giving the victims of brutal crime justice vs protecting the criminal from cruel and unusual punishments?”)

#mine #vincenzo #chayenzo #vincenzo cassano #hong cha young #song joong ki #tvn vincenzo #jeon yeo been #vincenzo x cha young #meta #analysis

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redjaybathood · 3 years

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Ohoho I always said that BatJokes is a cursed pairing (forgive me shippers)

but bruce is teaming up with joker to take someone down who's even - in his perception - worse

And joker - not so bad, when he's not going around killing people

And, you know, some people even find him charming

And, you know, they make a good team. What if Joker's tendencies could be... Directed to better avenues? A psychopath catching psychopaths, a killer going after killers. Not killing them, mind (but honestly, for a sadist, not killing people may be even better). But, you know.

Thing is. Thing is.

They teamed up to go after Red Hood.

Red Hood had quickly and ruthlessly taken over Gotham and rules it without mercy. Drug dealers, sex trade and protection racket is under his purview. Those who break the rules (mainly concerning children or unwilling participants and introducing drugs to sex workers as a method of control) die. For everything else, he works in cooperation with some other rogues. Heists, robberies? Catwoman. Money laundering? Penguin. Contraband and car theft? Two-Face. Cybercrime? Riddler. Fraud is mainly free for all. There are applications, licenses, you have to submit a plan before doing crime in Gotham, unless you want to be dead or left, beaten and tied up, at a police precinct. And, it's safer for criminals to work organized. There's less infighting after the initial period, there's a know-how on evading Bats. Penguin tried, back in the day, something like that, but there were not a lot of people who supported him, and there were more people who ignored him. And with Red Hood, sure, there are frustrating things like: if you plan to kill someone during a robbery, you have to prove that your plan really needs it. And if your plan doesn't really need it? (And it never does) you better believe you won't be allowed to go through. And, if you messed up and killed someone anyway? You better go confess at the station yourself. It's tyrannical, that's what it is.

A lot of people switching to civilian jobs. Bruce, trying to save criminals, give them an out, outside of Red Hood draconian rule, creates charities, housing projects, jobs, funds education, child care, medical care, programs for addicts, therapy. Awareness campaigns. Buys prisons and sponsors Blackgate so there's no prison slavery and, the stuff that was produced in prisons now produced outside of it and they hire people who were released and pay them living wage. It reduces crime more successfully than Red Hood's capital punishment for any transgression.

Because, in the end: it becomes easier not to break the law and still have enough to live.

(Bruce, though, from a billionaire becomes a multimillionaire)

But it's not a panacea and a lot of people are still commiting crime and become Red Hood victims if they put a toe over the line.

So Red Hood needs to go. And Bruce can't catch him, not alone! (And sure as hell he is not allowing his kids near Red Hood; once, Robin happened by him by chance, and he got shot in the stomach; he is alive but that was still too close for Batman's liking; Hood needs to go)

And Joker just the guy to help him.

And, let me remind you, they work great together. They dismantle Red Hood's operations, they turn his allies against him. They also... Have fun? Flirt? Bruce doesn't know, but Joker does seem a changed man, a man who can do good... Maybe...

Finally, the confrontation. Red Hood, at this point, is alone and hunted not only by them but by the whole city. In the fight, Red Hood is severely beaten up but still keeps up. He gets Joker. He puts a knife to Joker's neck and he slides his gun on the floor to Batman.

"It's armor-piercing bullets, old man. If you want to stop me, you shoot me right in the head - or you shoot right through your pal here. Or I take him with me, as a precaution."

"Come on," Joker says. "If you wanted to be alone with me, you should have just asked. Oh, but buy me a dinner first!"

"Changed my mind," deadpans Red Hood. "You either shoot me dead or I mute him for good, cannot stand his yapping."

And Bruce - he cannot use batarangs, the guy has his helmet on. It could be pierced with armor-piercing bullets at this range, but not by the batarangs.

And to make the choice - not easier, but quicker, Red Hood also triggers the bomb.

What can Bruce do? He shoots Red Hood. He and Joker disarm the bomb. Bruce needs help because he's - he just killed someone, or shot someone, at least, it's not like he tries to check. He is throwing up. He is in shock. So it's mainly Joker who disarms the bomb.

There's a water bottle, and a warm hand on Bruce's shoulder, and then they're in a car, going somewhere. There's a kiss.

There's a body in the morgue. Its DNA or fingerprints are in no database Bruce has access to. Even his own. He checked. Several times. Because this man - this man Batman and Joker teamed up to stop - he looks awfully like Willis Todd. Like Jason would have looked, if he didn't die, or suffered from child malnutrition. Or if he dyed his hair white, just on the fringe, just a little.

But, Jason Todd's DNA or teeth or fingerprints or photo of his ears, even - it's not on file anymore. It has been deleted for some time, even before Red Hood appeared in Gotham.

Jason's body disappeared from the grave too. Bruce suspects Talia. But she never contacts him. Even as some old friends reappear in Gotham again: Freeze, Bane, Scarecrow, some of Ra's' people - she never does.

Joker disappears too.

A year from that day, he gets a present in the mail. Well, it's packaged like that, in any case.

He eyes the address (Metropolis) and expects to find a note with some aggrandizing and romantic bullshit.

He does not.

He opens the package. It's Joker's head. It's not pretty.

This is the last time he hears from Talia.

#batjokes #sorry shippers #bruce wayne #joker #jason todd #talia al ghul #batjokes utrh au #major character death

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whoacanada · 3 years

Text

‘Wishful Thinking‘

Summary: Every NHL champion gets a single brush with ice magic. When Jack takes his first cup with the Falconers, he accidentally undoes the wish that brought him back from the brink of death in 2009, and Bitty becomes hell-bent on lifting the cup himself for a chance to set things right.

A/N: Finally posting some concepts I’ve played around with that aren’t 100% complete massive fics, but still pretty solid, just little things that might be enjoyed. Yet another cup-wish-gone-wrong-au with monkey-paw components. Also inspired by discord convos about canon!Jack meeting an older, veteran NHL!Bitty and having a lot of feelings. Also mentor/father-in-law!Bob trying to help Bitty navigate the NHL. There’s more to this floating around but this is the meat of it

____________

Bob can sense when it happens. A shift of something monumental that he’s only felt on a handful of occasions his entire life. A quick glance across the ice finds a number of the celebrating Falconers looking around curiously, unsure of the sensation; for so many, it’s their first brush with ice magic. A pleasant novelty. The vets, though, they look to each other.

Bob turns and doesn’t have to look far to find his son, one hand clasped around the cup, the other around Eric Bittle’s waist, smiling from ear to ear. Something about the moment is wrong, but Bob can’t quite determine why as he’s overcome with a wave of nausea. The stadium lights are too bright and he blinks hard, face scrunching, trying to force whatever wrongness he’s feeling out of himself.

Someone’s made a wish.

The moment passes. Bob’s vision clears. There, veiled in a shower of blue and gold confetti, is Eric; alone at center ice, face twisted in confusion as he looks around for the man who only moments earlier had been in his arms.

“You take the cup, you get one real wish,” the decades old, bourbon-lacquered voice of his first coach reminds him. “But only the one. Can be something small, like an empty cab in the rain, or it can be something big. World changing, even. The one thing, the most important thing — ”

“No,” Bob breathes. “Please, no.”

“— You never use your wish on another player.”

____________

They don’t know exactly what Jack wished for, but the next time Bitty’s blades touch the ice, it’s as if he’s stepped into the body of a new man. No more slurs. No more targeted chirps. He’s just one of the boys.

He plays. He wins. Then, the offers start to come.

NHL teams looking for fast wingers, team players, leadership material; not one of them mentions diversity, or Eric’s status as the first out NCAA hockey captain. No one cares. No one remembers Jack, and no one cares about Eric.

The best and worst case scenarios rolled into one. If this is the reality Jack unknowingly traded his existence for, Bitty has no choice but to walk through the door his partner opened.

Bitty swallows, trying to force the words out on one of his now nightly calls with the man who would have been his father-in-law in another world, if the shared connection between them hadn’t been interred in a Montréal cemetery almost a decade prior.

“I think . . . I think he wished for acceptance.”

___________

“No one remembers anymore.”

Eric scuffs his skate against this ice, building up a small pile of shavings before scattering them again, focusing on the soft white as if somehow he’ll be able to transport himself bodily to somewhere cool and quiet. Jackson Hole. Banff. Tremblant. Anywhere but here. Anywhen but now.

“Saw Tater last week at a press junket. Blank stares all around. Some days, most days, I wake up and I don’t know how I got here. I can go without thinking of him.”

Weeks. Eric doesn’t say aloud. Months. Those hideous mornings when he wakes up beside a warm body and forgets they aren’t him. They aren’t supposed to be him. Was there ever even a him.

Jack. Eric mouths silently, just to remind himself. His name is Jack.

The details always slip. The universe constantly trying to correct the fallacy of Eric Bittle remembering a man who died before they technically ever met. Faded photographs and corrupted memory cards. Selfies that used to have two people in frame. Vlog posts with cosmic ADR, swapping Jack’s name for someone else’s like a hastily rewritten script. Eventually, even Eric’s memories turn traitor. First times lost to reshoots and post-production magic. Blue eyes are brown. Black hair is blonde. Jack becomes Phillip. Eric’s first love recast. In desperation, he pulls a page from Memento, finds a tattoo parlor and has ‘Jack Laurent Zimmermann’ inked in dark, unmistakable letters on his inner thigh. Adds a cup, the Falconers’ crest, and the date they lost everything. It works well enough until the name fades; there are still days where a hook up will ask why Eric has a championship tattoo for a team he never played with.

Now, all he has is Bob.

“That’s why I’m here.” Bob reminds. “That’s why we talk.”

“But what happens if we don’t.”

Bob’s familiar assurances rumble through the phone. Constant. Refusing to acknowledge the harsh realities of the passing of time. The ever-present doomsday clock moving them both toward disaster — Bob aging, Eric aging out. He’s good, but he isn’t great, and the only offers coming his way are single-season contracts with teams that haven’t sniffed a championship in years. One day very soon, there will be no more chances for Eric to undo what’s been done. No more favors to ask of teammates that have long since forgotten a world where Jack Zimmermann was a college graduate and a rookie MVP. Not just an addict. Not just dead at nineteen.

Eric listens to Bob ramble, asks him to tell him a story, to tell him about the Jack that Eric never really got to know. The Jack he can barely remember. A man that Eric has dedicated his entire life to honoring, to bringing back — from where he cannot fathom — and Bob obliges in a soft tone Eric imagines is not dissimilar from how he must have spoken to his son as a child.

Eric ignores his teammates rushing around him — tossing chirps and gentle insults about his ‘Sugar Daddy’ — and focuses on the accented voice in his ear; grasping desperately at the memory of a man who doesn’t exist. Pretending. Hoping.

__________

Across the ice, Eric sees Kent Parson watching him. When they lock eyes, the aging star glides toward him, under a guise of one amicable captain greeting another. He’s pushing 37, and while the years of competitive play are starting to show, he’s just as viciously handsome as the day they first met. At least, Eric thinks he is. He can’t imagine a life where Kent Parson strolled onto a college campus and played beer pong at a frat party, but there’s a folder of old photos on Eric’s computer. Jack is in none of them, but there’s one of himself and Kent. Smiling.

Eric can’t recall why the image bothers him so much.

Parson used his wish years ago on something that he’s never bothered to share — and Eric’s far too much a gentleman to ask a man who was once a rival what he wasted his golden ticket on — but now, he’s slowing down, and this is supposed to be his farewell season. Going out with a bang, riding the high of his fifth cup win. He’s worked hard, and he deserves to shove the Penguins back down into obscurity for another season. Deserves it far more than Eric, with his selfish, single-mindedness that’s ruined god knows how many careers in the last decade between his own ruthlessness and Bob’s meddling.

Except. . . this is also likely Eric’s last season. His last chance to undo the great tragedy of his life, and Parson knows it.

“How you feeling, Peaches? You ready?”

Eric hates the nickname in the same way he hates when his father calls him ‘Champ’.

Eric fights his own shame because he wants to be honest, say, ‘No, I’m not ready, I’ll never be ready,’ but Eric can’t ask for what he wants, anymore. He wants the Aces to balk on a power play. He wants Parson to flub a pass and throw the game — he even knows the man would probably do it, too — but Eric needs to come by a win honestly. They learned the hard way in 2022 when Eric hands were wrapped around the cup, wishing, praying, crying, pleading . . .

Clear eyes, full hearts, or some such bullshit.

Cheaters don’t get wishes.

“I can’t remember, anymore,” Eric admits as they square up across the face-off circle, the resigned terror of an inescapable end creeping upon him like the burn of an old injury ignored for far too long. “Kent. Please.” Parson leans down, rests his stick against the ice, and holds Eric’s gaze as if to say, I’m here. Trust me. Just play.

The puck drops.

________

There’s someone watching him, young, handsome with dark hair and the kind of bright blue eyes that scream ‘notice me’ with all of the biological bluntness of neon plumage and a mating dance. The man weaves through the crowd, unnoticed by Eric’s teammates, and comes close enough that Eric can’t help but assume familiarity. He must be a fan, the way he’s flushed and excitable.

Eric’s drunk enough on the moment that he’s happy to indulge his baser instincts. He also literally can’t remember the last time he brought company home and if there’s ever been a night to get laid, it’s this one.

“Crisse, look at you, Bits.”

The man is caught between being awestruck and simply struck, reaching out to touch Eric’s arm but not quite making contact, like his depth perception is the tiniest bit off. He drops Eric’s old nickname so easily, so earnestly, that for a moment Eric thinks they might already know each other — but that’s impossible. Eric would remember someone so handsome, so very much his type.

“Only my friends call me ‘Bitty’.” Eric cautions, raising his half-empty champagne bottle in a mock toast and flashing his best ‘you’re coming home with me tonight’ smile. “But I’m more than happy to to get acquainted with you, Sugar.”

Eric isn’t usually this forward, this unrestrained. Tonight, it doesn’t matter, he’s celebrating: another championship, the end of a career, a life well lived. It’s to be expected. What isn’t expected is how the man’s relieved smile falters; as if Eric’s unbridled joy is somehow misplaced.

“Bitty? It’s me.”

“And ‘me’ is called . . . ?”

On very few occasions in Eric’s life has he been able to witness true devastation first-hand; and those instances were related to deaths, hockey losses, or blackout morning afters.

“Jack.” The man says softly, face slack with surprise. “It’s. . . Jack. Bitty, you know me.”

“If we’ve met before, I’m sorry,” Eric apologizes, hating to see the kid look so defeated. “I meet so many people — ”

Over Jack’s shoulder, Eric catches sight of Bob Zimmermann and waves, delighting in the way Bob’s face lights up when he catches sight of Eric, practically going supernova when he notices Jack as well, crossing the ice like a man possessed; Bob moves to pull them both into a hug but Eric’s new friend holds up a defensive hand and Bob stops mid-gesture.

It’s extremely apparent something is off, and between the reporters, the confetti, the champagne, and the fans, Eric is missing all of the context clues.

“Just won my last cup,” Eric singsongs, gesturing with the bottle between his mentor and the man Eric would very much like to fuck — who look very similar now that Eric can see them side by side. “Everyone’s super excited, right? Yeah? So, what’s going on. Did someone die?”

“No.” Bob says quickly, eyes flicking between Jack and Eric warily. “No. Not . . . that.”

“Severely injured?”

“. . . Non.”

“Okay, then, we should be celebrating!” Eric throws his arms wide and nearly clocks a passing teammate. “No more party pooping, Bobbert. Speaking, this is my new friend, Jack. Jack, Bob, Bob, Jack. Though, I’m getting the feeling you two might know each other. Or might be . . . related.” Eric gasps and smacks his free palm against his forehead. “Oh my god, the Tremblant retreat? Is that where I know you from? Listen, I was fucked up on pain meds that whole weekend, I am so sorry if we’ve already met.”

Despite Eric’s continued attempts at clarifying their shared mystery past, Jack keeps looking at Bob with that same wounded expression and it’s really killing Eric’s buzz.

“Bob.” Eric redirects. “Help me, here. Cutie’s nervous.”

“Eric, this is my, ah, well,” Bob’s smile is so forced, so tense, it looks more like a grimace. “Well, this is my son, Jack.”

There is only one ‘Jack’ Eric has ever known in relation to Bob Zimmermann, and he is not someone to be mentioned in polite conversation.

“Your son?” Eric echoes slowly. “Your son, Jack.”

Bob realizes what Eric’s tiptoeing around and casts a furtive glance toward the younger man, lifting two fingers to his cheek conspiratorially to imply ‘it’s a long story, not meant for public ears’. Eric knows how to play along.

“Wow, okay, did not expect that, but now that you’re saying it, I can one-hundred-percent tell. You have the same, well, everything.”

Eric takes Jack’s hand for an obligatory shake, not missing the way Jack’s features twist up into something caught between flattery and misery, before staring down his pseudo-mentor.

“My question is this, where have you’ve been hiding him — because how long have I know you, Bobby? Shame.”

“I’ve been . . . away.”

Jack’s tone is weighted with context Eric absolutely does not possess, but can definitely read into. Given the age difference and Alicia’s conspicuous lack of attendance this evening, Jack’s definitely a love child from some 90s Zimmergroupie. Or, original Jack didn’t actually OD and Bob spirited away his kid to keep away the prying eyes of the public; but that wouldn’t explain the age difference or the shared name.

Oh, Bobbert.

“Couldn’t wheel him out too soon,” Bob jokes, but Eric can tell the man’s heart isn’t in it, reinforcing Eric’s suspicion.

“Well, I’m happy you did,” Eric says graciously, trying to smooth over the awkwardness. “He’s very handsome, when he isn’t doing this Eeyore impression.”

“Just like his father,” Bob says reflexively — defensively — as Jack goes pink. “Eric, will you excuse us for a moment? Back in five minutes, tops.”

Eric offers a gracious wave, gaze lingering on Jack’s retreating back — and backside, bless — watching Bob rest a firm hand on his son’s neck, gripping tightly to lean in and furiously whisper something. As Eric watches, Jack looks back over his shoulder; it’s not the fond glance of a potential paramour. Regret, maybe? Grief, definitely.

He must be as disappointed to be cock-blocked by his father as Eric is.

Across the ice, Kent Parson has rushed Jack, gathering him into a crushing embrace that the younger man returns easily — burying his face against Parson’s pads; pulling back only when Parson grabs Jack’s shoulders to push him away, taking a long look at him, holding his face between his hands briefly before pulling Jack back into his arms.

They don’t just look like old friends, it’s a reunion of desperation, like the videos his mother sends of soldiers coming home from war, but before Eric can think better of it, a teammate fists a hand in the collar of Eric’s sweater and pulls — away from Bob’s forlorn love child and forgotten first meetings — and the night goes on.

Bob doesn’t return. Neither does Jack.

Eric doesn’t even notice.

__________

#Part I #maybe?#zimbits #omgcp #angst #long fic #cup magic #ice magic #my stuff #my fic #NHL!Bitty

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pparkerpoetry · 3 years

Text

Face Reality (Part 5)

Title: a Home for the Lost (why were they cast aside?)

Summary: None of it went to plan.

Ranboo never planned on facing it, Tommy never planned on leaving, Fundy didn't plan on losing the one place where he belonged. Sam didn't plan on opening his house to a bunch of traumatized hybrids that would worm their way into his heart.

And yet, here they were. Here they were, together. Maybe that was the best part of it all. Part 1 Part 6 Masterlist

_____

Ranboo started learning about everything that he’d missed, like how Tommy’s wings came to be and what people had been up to. Other things, he just noticed. He was very perceptive, and it only served to isolate him from everyone more. He could tell things that other people would rather not face, like how Tommy pretended that everything was fine with Phil and Techno and himself. How he pretended that they were a family, and as they relaxed together, how he would show his vulnerability. Ranboo would’ve bought the act that Tommy believed in wholeheartedly, if not for one thing.

Tommy never let them preen his wings.

So yeah, they could all pretend in their little dollhouse that everything was fine and that their relations were fixed, but it would never be perfect. They could believe it all they wanted, but subconsciously, they knew it’d never go back to the way it was before. Maybe that’s why they so desperately put on a show.

Ranboo noticed these things. All the time, to be honest.

He also noticed that slowly, after he had returned and told Tommy why he’d left, that Tommy drifted slightly from his old family. It wasn’t a bad thing, if a little sad, because he’d found another that believed in him and wanted the best for him instead of trying to make up for using him.

On a different note in the same tune, Sam and Puffy were angels sent from heaven. Nothing could convince Ranboo otherwise. The way they had gently pushed Tommy in the right direction, understanding how messed up he’d been and knowing that harshness wasn’t the way to fix it. Maybe that’s why when they saw Ranboo accompanying Tommy on one of his visits, they recognized his unrest.

Ranboo knew they had a past, those three. He didn’t think Tommy realized it, but they’d adopted him. They’d decided that Phil wasn’t fit to be a father to anyone but Technoblade long ago, and he was amazed at the subtle way they’d taught him to be better. Maybe they were the reason, then, that he’d matured so much. Maybe they could be his family, too.

And they were.

Phil and Techno still received visits from Tommy every now and then, and Tubbo was over most of the time because at the end of the day they were still best friends, but in their own time they realized that maybe it was best to let bygones be bygones. They’d always be close, they’d always love each other, but maybe this time, the damage was done. In this case, it was okay. It was never mentioned, it was never brought up, but it was acknowledged by everyone. He couldn’t really cut them out, not that he wanted to, but he couldn’t have even if he did, not with the constant reminder on his back that he would always be Phil’s son.

Instead, Tommy spent most of his days at Sam’s base, and Ranboo spent most of his time with Tommy, so they ended up just hanging out with Sam and Puffy more than they intended. Maybe it was all part of the plan for the two older adults.

In any case, Ranboo grew closer and more comfortable with the other three, until soon, he wasn’t quiet and reserved anymore. He wasn’t scared of his own shadow, flinching at every footstep. He was Ranboo again, and he owed it to his family. Maybe, now that he’d healed, he’d be able to face the family he’d lost.

_______________

The summer afternoon found Tommy and Ranboo under a tree, half asleep and lazy, one writing and the other talking. It was hot, and muggy, but Sam had said that he needed to do some renovations and Puffy was away. Ranboo knew she was spending time with Niki, but he had yet to go with her to see his sister.

Did that technically make Ranboo Puffy’s sister-in-law? Or was Niki now his step-mother?

He didn’t want to think on it too much. It’d just make his head hurt.

Ranboo didn’t even completely know what Tommy was rambling about, but he smiled and nodded and he did truly enjoy it. Or, he enjoyed Tommy’s company. Was there a difference?

He zoned in when Tommy nudged his shoulder. “Hey, big man, you awake?”

Rolling his eyes, Ranboo responded. “I am now. What’s up?”

“Something I just remembered, Ranboo- I, now here’s a biggie-” Tommy paused for suspense. “I know how to fly a plane, but-”

“Hold on, you can fly a plane?”

“Yeah,” Tommy shrugged. “I didn’t appear here, a 16 year old. I had other experiences. Anyway, I know how to fly a plane but I don’t know how to ride a bike.”

“A bike?”

Tommy mistook Ranboo’s confusion for mockery. “Yeah, big man. Phil never taught me. Who taught you, if you’re such a pro?”

“Tommy, I barely even know what a bike is.” Ranboo deadpanned.

So, now, the two young men, for that’s what they were at this point, stood outside of the base that they had been told to stay out of all day. Specifically, they were to stay out of it unless it was an emergency. Was this an emergency? See, that’s where it gets complicated.

“What kind of man my age doesn’t know how to ride a bike?” Tommy argued, “We need to learn and clearly, we haven’t got one. I think that Sam might. He strikes me as a bicycle kind of guy.”

“Neither of us are dying, though!” Ranboo protested. “He’ll probably get mad if we interrupt him, too. What’s he even doing?”

Tommy groaned. “He’s just, I don’t know, building n’ shit. It’ll take two seconds, Ranboo, come on-”

The large door opened, and though neither of them were short, they felt incredibly small. And nervous.

“Can I help you?” Sam asked, looking at his two- his uh, his two mentees. Yeah, that’s it. Mentees. That’s the word he’s looking for. Definitely not something else. At all.

The two- well, now, they looked like boys, - stared at him, anxiously, suddenly at a loss for words.

“Well?” He raised an eyebrow. “I’m done with building, it didn’t take as long as I thought it would. What do you guys need?”

“We don’t know how to ride a-”

Tommy interrupted, “What Ranboo’s trying to say is, neither of us had spectacular father figures in our early life, and we don’t- well, really, we were wondering if you happened to have a bicycle anywhere here? I’m sure we can figure it out on our own, but we don’t have any bikes, is the issue-”

Sam laughed. “Yeah, I’m sure I’ve got a bike around here somewhere, come help me look.”

So, Sam turned and left, leaving Ranboo and Tommy to trail after him. Not like little ducklings. Not at all. More like, uh… more like… something else. Not ducklings.

After rummaging around a bit, they found one, and after a little more searching, they found another. None of them were sure why Sam, who lived alone, had two bikes (could he even ride them? He pleads the fifth. Why? You’ll find out later.), but they weren’t going to complain. Now, Ranboo and Tommy had thought that Sam would hand them the bikes and let them be off, but, to their surprise, he didn’t. He took the handles of one and walked with it over to a path.

“Hey Sam, why are you going over there?” Tommy yelled, still standing by the main entrance.

“Well, you aren’t going to bike on the grass, are you?”

Wordlessly, Ranboo and Tommy jogged to catch up. Sam stood on the pavement, holding one bike, as Ranboo walked up with the other. He handed his to Tommy, and clapped, bringing the attention back to him.

“Alright! So, get on the bikes.” Both of the younger men knew what he was doing. They didn’t say anything, though, and obeyed. “So, when you bike, you have to stay balanced…”

They spent the afternoon learning how to ride bikes, and though it maybe wasn’t the most productive way to spend an afternoon, it was a fun and relaxing one that they all needed. It ended with Sam sitting in the grass next to the road while Tommy and Ranboo rode their bikes up and down it. They all chatted, and laughed, and they barely even heard Puffy return. At least, not until she spoke up.

“Hey guys, I’m back! And, I… I brought someone with me.”

Ranboo stopped his bike and turned to where the voice was coming from, stopping all movements abruptly. Sure, Puffy was standing there and he was happy to see her back, but right next to her, looking nervous, was Niki. Not his sister. She’d made sure of that. She was Niki, nothing more.

“Hi, Ranboo.” She said, not meeting his eyes. “It’s been a bit.”

When had Sam and Tommy left? “Yeah. Hi, Niki. What’re you doing here?” It came out harsher than he intended.

“I thought- well, I figured, now that we’ve both had a little more time to, to think about things, I thought that I could come and… apologize.”

It was a little quieter then. Niki was waiting for a response, and Ranboo was thinking of one. What did he want to do? As much as he wanted to forgive her, some of the things that she’d done couldn’t be glossed over.

“I… I forgive you.” Ranboo started, “But, Niki… Niki, you’ve got to understand, you hurt me. You hurt me a lot.”

Niki sighed. “I know. I know I did, Ranboo, but at the end of the day, aren’t you still my brother?”

His chest felt like it closed. Was he? “I’m not sure I am anymore, Niki. I don’t even know who you are.” He looked away from her crestfallen face. “But… I think I’d be willing to re-start.”

He looked back up, and Niki looked a little happier. A bittersweet cheerfulness. He held his arms open, and she ran over to give him a hug. Maybe they weren’t family anymore, but they could be. They just had to hope. This time, neither of them pulled away from the hug. They didn’t want to, but at some point, Puffy told them that it was going to get dark soon, so they needed to head inside.

Sam and Tommy were in the kitchen, making dinner, although only one of them was really working.

Niki and Puffy stayed for dinner before heading home. It went great, and it was a very relaxed atmosphere. They chatted, made fun of Tommy when he was clumsy with his wings, and laughed every time someone made a joke. Ranboo was truly happy, and he hoped it lasted this time.

That night, when it was dark and the noises of the forest had all settled, Ranboo was thinking. “Hey, Sam, where’s the renovations you were working on this morning? I can’t tell a difference here-”

“Forget that, Ranboo,” Tommy said while yawning, wings hitting the hybrid gently. “We’ve gotta head out if we want to make it back to the cottage in time for a good night’s sleep.”

“Well, about that…” Sam said, laughing a little. “Follow me.” They did, and they followed him down a hallway to two doors, right next to each other. “Left is for Ranboo, right is for Tommy. I mean, you don’t have to use them, and obviously you can decorate them how you want to, but…”

They each opened their doors, and they were met with little bedrooms. Not too little, but not too large, each with a bed in a corner, a chest, and some other bits of furniture. “Did you make bedrooms for us?” Ranboo asked, and once Sam nodded, he grinned. “That’s great! Could we stay the night? Please?”

“That’s kind of what they’re here for.” Sam said, and he melted inside at the happy grins that Ranboo and Tommy exchanged. “I’ll let you guys get comfy, uh, goodnight?”

“Goodnight!” The other two cheered, nearly crushing Sam in a hug before going to their rooms.

By all means, it should’ve been a peaceful night, but when there’s a traumatized hybrid involved, you never know what to expect. That night, Ranboo’s dreams were plagued with nightmares, all violent and scary and loud- he didn’t know exactly what was happening, but he knew that he was there with Fundy, on the ground and bleeding. He could feel the tears rolling down his face, this time they burned again, with new vigor, and he was forced to look the fox in the eyes as they dimmed. He didn’t know why he started crying harder, but soon he turned to see who had killed his friend, and there stood Dream, hair long from his time in prison.

“It was only a matter of time until I escaped, Ranboo.” Dream taunted. “Ranboo!”

He was scared. Was he going to die?

“Ranboo, wake up!”

And, just like that, he sat up in bed, breathing heavily. Tommy was near, but that didn’t make sense, they didn’t share a room. What was Tommy doing here? Ranboo could feel wings circling around his body, comforting and warm, as he tried to calm down.

“You alright, Ranboo?”

He managed to nod, but it probably wasn’t convincing. He still couldn’t speak. Why couldn’t Dream just leave him alone?

“Am I okay to leave, or-”

“Can you stay?” His voice sounded small, even to him, and was hoarse from screaming in terror. Sam must’ve been a deep sleeper to not wake up.

“Sure thing, man.”

They went back to sleep, then, Ranboo curled in on himself with one of Tommy’s wings draped over him protectively. This time, they slept well, and when Sam went to wake them up the next morning, he did nothing but smile and walk away. He’d let them rest. They’d more than earned it.

When Ranboo’s eyes slipped open a few hours later, he let out a small sigh. He was warm, and he was happy, and he didn’t ever want to move. He was content to have stayed in bed for hours, but then he felt the blankets behind him shift. He let out a confused little warble that sounded remarkably like a cat getting its sleep interrupted.

“What was that?” Tommy groaned. “My ears aren’t started yet. Catch me in a few minutes.”

It was more than a few minutes before they got out of bed, hair wild and eyes still half-closed despite the sun that shone through the windows. Sam greeted them with a cheerful, “Hello,” to which they responded with a vague grunt. They were very articulate in the morning, it appeared. By all means, it should’ve been a dream. It should have been the best thing to happen to him in a while, and it was. But, Ranboo couldn’t shake the underlying feeling of dread that plagued his mind.

“Ah, what do you want to do today, Ranboo?” Tommy asked loudly, sprawled out across the couch and head lolling back.

Ranboo thought for a moment, the pit in his stomach growing. “I think that maybe we should go on a trip today, to… to uh, to visit Fundy.”

Tommy furrowed his eyebrows and lifted his head. “Fundy? As in, my nephew, Fundy?”

Nodding, Ranboo fidgeted with his hands. “Yeah. Is that okay?”

“‘Course it is, big man. You want to go now?”

Ranboo got up swiftly. “If that’s okay. I’ve got a bad feeling.”

They bid Sam goodbye, and went off towards Fundy’s house. It took them a while, because they had to ask Niki for the coords, but they found it eventually. Fundy lived in a village that had gone unnoticed, a peaceful haven that usually would’ve been somewhere for weary travelers to rest. Now, however, the air was thick with dust and there was no one to be seen. The first houses that Tommy and Ranboo found were nothing but ruin, the ashes still smoldering. It was only after a shrill horn could be heard that they realized what was happening.

There was a raid.

They broke into a run, swords pulled out. They yelled for Fundy, and the only response they got was the sound of the Illagers that they ran towards.

Fighting seemed to go on forever as Ranboo and Tommy slashed at the enemy, backs to each other, until finally they got a chance to breathe. There weren’t as many, though still a lot. Ranboo tried to listen harder, trying to detect even a hint of life in one of the houses. When he heard a soft whimper, he grabbed Tommy’s hand and pulled him to it.

When they saw two Illagers standing over Fundy with their crossbows out, they didn’t hesitate to throw themselves forward. They looked up over the bodies, then, and their eyes softened when they saw how Fundy curled up into himself. He was so small, and he still had his eyes tightly shut.

Tommy got up and wiped his bloody hands on his pants before going over to Fundy. “Hey, Fundy. Is it alright if I touch you?” Tommy didn’t even really have to ask, because the minute Fundy saw the blond, he latched onto his arm. Ranboo hadn’t ever seen Tommy look so awkward, slowly putting his arms around the fox that really wasn’t all that younger than he was.

They’d all had their childhoods stolen from them, it seemed.

Fundy was inconsolable, and Tommy motioned for Ranboo to help. They seemed to have the same idea, when Ranboo gathered the fox into his arms and they walked outside to see the still-smoking ruins of all the houses.

When Fundy stopped crying for a moment, and opened his eyes, he did nothing but utter a small, “Ranboo?”

“Yeah, it’s me.” Ranboo said, and was surprised when Fundy closed his eyes again to burrow further into his hold.

Sam had to do a double-take when the boys got home. “Is that Fundy?” He asked, getting up quickly.

Tommy and Ranboo paused, like children who had been caught sneaking a pet indoors. Only, they were tall young men with a traumatized fox hybrid in their arms. Who, Sam soon learned, was now homeless.

“Please, can he stay with us Sam, please?” Tommy had pleaded, Ranboo standing near, still holding Fundy. “He’s got nowhere else to go, Sam, please?”

And, well, Sam took one look at his little brothers and had to concede. “Of course he can stay,” Sam said, already coming up for a plan for Fundy’s room.

Later that night, once Fundy had been told he was fine to stay and was sharing a room with Tommy (all three of the boys, for that’s how Sam fondly thought of them, ended up crammed into one bed by the morning, though, and neither of them knew which one of them had the nightmare. Maybe it was all three.), Sam let out a soft chuckle.

He really was collecting a menagerie of fucked-up kids, wasn’t he? Only, they weren’t really kids anymore.

Well, he was growing his little family, and if no one else was going to let these kiddos heal, he would. They deserved the chances that war and adulthood had stolen from them. They deserved the love that he was set on giving them.

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haikyuu-sins · 3 years

Note

Hiiiii! Since you are in the need for Law request I have plenty lol He lives in my head rent free 😁

So since Law is a Lowkey fanboy for ninjas what if on Zou when everyone met Raizo they met a kunoichi med! Ninja and Law was instantly infatuated with her. He’s impressed with her medical knowledge and her special medical techniques, and wants her to join his crew. And while traveling to Wano they get a little close in such short time that he doesn’t feel he can just forget about her. If that’s too much or too descriptive I apologize and feel free to cut whatever if it is too much.

Gimmie all the requests!!! And too much??? Too descriptive??? Oh my gosh I LOVE when there’s a lot of description!! It makes it so much easier and a lot more fun to write when I know exactly what you want and frick, I absolutely LOVE this ask!! I have a feeling I’m going to have a lot of fun writing this one so I’m sorry if I went overboard with it 😅 (I’m also not a doctor so forgive the misinformation if there is any, I’m just making shit up lol) update: I went overboard.

*****Law x Med Kunoichi! Reader

“Raizo, seriously, you need to calm down.” you tell the ninja who’s in chains because of how upset he is. “I get it, but the mink are fine now. I healed them the best I could and there weren’t many serious injuries.”

He was still on a tirade or yelling and crying but you just ignored him and kept him company. You just sigh. There wasn’t much you could do to help him. “Now you just need to shut up.”

There was yelling coming down from the stairs in front of you along with the sounds of multiple people sprinting. Were... they yelling ‘Ninja?’ It didn’t take long for multiple people that you didn’t recognize to be right in front of you.

There was a gasp. “Raizo is a woman?!” a man with a straw hat shouted, his eyes nearly popping out of his head.

“Um, no, that’s Raizo.” you pointed to him.

All of them seemed to physically deflate when they heard that. “Wait... are you a kunoichi?!” the long nose yelled.

They were all shouting out rapid fire requests and you couldn’t even get a word in to tell them that you were the medical ninja. But hearing everything they were saying, you couldn’t help but smile and laugh. The little reindeer was asking if you said ‘nin nin’, another was asking you to hide in the ceiling and get stabbed with a spear, while someone else was asking for the shadow clone technique.

“Nin nin?” You had to put your hand over your mouth to cover your giggles. “Stabbed with a spear? Goodness...Is that what you think of us?” Looking over at Kin’emon and Kanjuro you saw that they had strange looks on their faces. It was cute hearing everything that they thought ninjas did and they were eager to see it all. “You should be asking Raizo to do all that, I don’t don’t have the energy for it right now. I’m the med ninja and I’ve been helping with healing the villagers...and there’s a lot of them.”

Law’s ears immediately perked up at the mention that you were a medical ninja.

“Which reminds me, I should be doing some more rounds for the minks who were more seriously injured.” you sighed and stood up from your spot.

“Would you mind if I came?” the man with the tattoos asked as you walked past them.

“Sure! The extra company is always nice.” you smile at him and he follows you up the long set of stairs out of the tree. “So you were curious about the shadow clone technique?” You glance over at him and he doesn’t exactly know what to say. He doesn’t want to sound too eager if he says yes, but if he says no then he won’t be able to see it. You can tell that he’s trying not to be excited and it makes you chuckle. There was a quick hand sign and another one of you popped up in front of you.

“Hello!” your clone smiled and waved at him and you could see his eyes widen, and then a small smirk. She poofed away in a puff of smoke after the introduction. “Oh and also, we don’t say ‘nin nin.’ I’m not sure where you heard that one.”

His shoulders drooped slightly and you could see that he almost looked disappointed. “Oh…”

“What was your name? I didn’t get to introduce myself earlier with all of the commotion. I’m (Y/n).”

“Trafalgar Law.”

“Is this your first time on Zou?” you ask him, opening the door to the room where your patients were.

“Yes, I’ve heard a lot about it, but I wouldn’t have been able to get up here to see it.”

“That’s a shame. There’s tons of medicinal plants on this island that you can’t find anywhere else. I assume you’re a doctor since you wanted to come with me? You seemed pretty interested when I said I was a medical ninja.” you sat down next to one of them and began your work.

He was surprised by how perceptive you were and he nodded as he watched you diligently heal the minks. Your hands glowed a light blue color and they moved up and down to where they were injured. Law heard you sigh heavily and he wondered what was wrong since he couldn’t see anything. ‘It must be internal.’ he thought to himself.

“It’s internal bleeding that I can’t stop with just my healing. I’m going to have to do surgery. Can you grab me that?” you asked him, pointing to a small tin that was on the shelf. Law picked it up and opened it wondering what you would be doing with a balm. “Don’t smell it!” you warned him. “It’ll knock you out.”

He slowly put the cap back on it and handed it to you.

“It’s from the leaves of a certain mix of flowers here. I’ll show you after I’m finished.” you smiled and took it from him as you spoke to your patient about what you were going to have to do to him. “Come here.” you motioned Law closer to you. “If you want to watch you’ll have to be a little closer than that.” Law did as he was told. When you had the mink smell the balm, he almost passed out immediately. “They have better noses than us so this works much more effectively than it would on a human. It still will though so you have to be careful.”

He took all of the information in that you were giving him. He had never seen the techniques that you used. What was even more baffling to him was that it wasn’t even because of a devil fruit. They were all things that were taught to the medics at a more advanced level. The way you only used a finger to cut open your patient was incredible. He didn’t know how you did it, even when you explained it to him because it was something that he knew he wouldn’t be able to do. You could generate heat in your fingers that were hot enough to cauterize a wound.

What would have taken a normal doctor over an hour to do, took you about 10 minutes. Then you went on to the others who needed your help. They didn’t need surgery but he watched you in awe. It looked so effortless on your part, other than the fact that you looked a bit out of breath now because of how hard you were working.

“Oh man, I need to sit down for a little. Then we can go out and I can show you what I collect when I’m here!” you smiled up at him as you went over to a chair and plopped down, resting your head on the wall and closing your eyes. “I don’t usually get this tired. But having to heal everyone who was injured- including Duke and and Catviper who were really hurt-it takes a lot of energy out of me. It’s worth it though.”

The two of you talked about everything and nothing while you rested. You told him more about ninjas to which you had all of his attention and about Wano and what exactly to expect when they all got there.

“Are you going to be coming with us back to Wano?” Law asked as casually as he could.

“I would assume I am? I mean I could always go back on my own though if there isn’t any room for me! I came here by myself anyway, before Raizo. So I do have a way back.”

“There’s plenty of room, don’t worry. It’s probably too dangerous to go back on your own anyway after the attack.”

“What, do you think I can’t take care of myself? Come on, I’m a kunoichi! I don’t have this sword for decoration. Or do you just want me to be safe?” you tease him with a smile.

In truth, he wanted you to teach him. You had so much knowledge that he didn’t. “I just-”

“I’m just teasing.” you smile softly and stand up. “Are you ready? We can go now. I’m rested enough if you want to get some herbs for your trip.”

He rolled his eyes at your first comment. “We can wait until you’re fully rested if you want.”

“That’s okay. There are some flowers that only bloom at night so we have to cut them off before they can close back up. It’s best to just go at sunset and get the others that you need first.” you grabbed a big bag and already started to walk out the door. Law quickly followed behind you and the two of you were on your way.

In the few hours that you and Law had met each other, you already felt like you had formed a kind of bond with him. You showed him all the different leaves, roots, and flowers that could be used for a multitude of things.

“I can teach you how to make a bunch of things when we’re on our way back to Wano if you want?” you asked hopefully, just wanting to be around him more.

“So you’re coming with us?” Law raised a brow and tried not to smirk at you.

“Well you insisted on it so I guess I have to!” you joked. “But yes, I’d actually really love to come with you. I-I mean with everyone!” You stammered, face turning a bright shade of pink while Law just smirked while he put some flower stems in the bag.

Not too long after, you and the others left on Law’s submarine. It was nerve-wracking at first and you’ll admit you were terrified. Being with the others you knew wasn’t that bad though. You were introduced to the StrawHat Pirates before you boarded and got to know Robin a little better. She was sweet and knowledgeable. But Law was the one you spent the most time with. Even if there wasn’t a reason, you made one up. You’d ask him random things, just went to see what he was doing, or showed him some of the extra things you’d made for his infirmary. You would just say that you made more than you needed but really you were just making it for him.

Law knew more than anyone on the sub that he wanted you to stay so he made sure that you got along with the rest of the crew. You wanted them to like you so you had Kin’emon help you make some traditional dishes from Wano. On one of these days, you went to find Law so he’d be able to try some before the rest of the crew ate it. He was of course in his office working on some kinks that needed to be worked out before they got to Wano.

You knocked on the door and he told you to come in. “Hi Law~” you smile and go to his desk and put the bowl of red bean soup on it. “I had a feeling you’d be in here for dinner so I wanted to bring you some food before it ran out or got cold.”

He sighs and leans back in his chair while he runs his tattooed fingers through his hair, obviously stressed about what’s to come. “Thank you.”

“You know you really should relax. Even if it’s just for a few minutes. I understand that you’re under a lot of pressure right now, but stressing about it is just going to make it worse. You’re better off taking a break and eating some of the soup I made.” you grin and push it closer to him, encouraging him to try it. “Come on~ I wanna see how much you like it! I know you will!”

Law accepted your offer and took the bowl. You watched him with raised brows and an expectant look on your face as he took a sip of the soup . “Well~?”

He wanted to melt in his chair at that moment. The feeling of the hot soup ran down his throat and calmed him unlike anything he’d felt before. He’d never had this before but somehow it reminded him of home. “I’m deciding whether I want you as my cook or my other doctor.”

You tilt your head to the side, your brows now scrunch together and your cheeks flush. “What...what do you mean your cook or other doctor?” you had a feeling you knew where this was going but you wanted to make sure.

“You know exactly what I mean. I mean, you should join my crew.”

You thought about it for a moment. “Would I be a pirate or a kunoichi? ...Because I do like being a kunoichi...and would I have to wear that outfit everyone does? I like my kimono that I have on.” Truthfully, Law did too and he wouldn’t mind if you continued wearing it either, he thought you looked nice in it.

“You can be whichever. If you want to keep your kimono on to pay a sort of tribute to being a kunoichi, you can do that. I don’t mind. I get it, it’s what you know and what you grew up with.” It was your ninja way.

As he spoke, your smile only grew wider and you couldn’t believe what he was saying. It was exactly what you wanted and you were so glad that he brought it up to you since you thought it might be inappropriate to ask him yourself to join his crew. You just wanted to be around him and you were hoping that he would feel the same.

It was strange. Law had never felt this much of a connection with someone in such a short amount of time. But there was first for everything and he didn’t mind this first.

“Of course I will!” you just wanted to wrap your arms around his neck, hug him tight, and not let go. “I was kind of afraid you weren’t going to ask...” you say to him sheepishly chuckling.

“Oh were you?” He takes another sip of his soup while raising his brows.

“Yeah...I really like spending time...with you. It’s been nice getting to know the crew too. I’ve had a lot of fun with them so far. Now I don’t have to worry about being sad when you guys have to leave Wano and missing you-missing everyone!” you say the last part quickly.

“If you were going to miss me then you should have just said something.” he smirks at you.

Rolling your eyes, you’re tempted to push his shoulder, but he has hot soup and you’re not going to spill it on him. “Oh shut up and eat your soup before it gets cold. Captain.”

Now that’s something Law can get used to hearing you say.

#one piece #trafalgar law #trafalgar law x reader #law x reader #trafalgar law headcanons #trafalgar law scenario #trafalgar-law-headcanons #law scenario #trafalgar-law headcanons #op trafalgar law #one piece headcanons

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ahopelessromantic · 4 years

Text

Calm After The Storm ➳ S. Reid

Pairing: Spencer x Reader

Word count: 2,6k

Warnings: none

Your new intern causes you to look back on years of companionship with Spencer and think about what’s still ahead of you. (Inspired by Calm After The Storm by The Common Linnets :))

“Excuse me, are you (Y/N) Reid?” Still on your first coffee of the morning it took you a moment to realise that you had been addressed. With a sheepish smile you looked up from your desk to meet eyes with an unfamiliar face. “Depends on who’s asking.” You joked half-heartedly, scanning the unknown woman’s attire for a badge or visitor’s pass. “I’m Anna, Anna Wilde. We talked on the phone?” Realisation dawned on your face. Anna’s father was a friend of Hotch, he had called in some favours with your boss so she could have an internship in your unit. “Of course!” You smiled and got up to shake her hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. Do you want to start by meeting the rest of the team right away?”

“So, these are Agent Morgan, Agent Prentiss, Agent Rossi and Doctor Reid. And you already know Hotch, of course. Guys, this is Anna, our new intern for two months.” The team all smiled at her friendly, sensing how nervous she was. It wasn’t every day you met a bunch of FBI agents. After the round of introductions, you took her to the small kitchenette, telling her all about the small kinks the coffee machine sometimes had. “And feel free to ask any question, be as outright as you want. This is a tough job; I don’t want to sugar-coat anything.” She nodded, looking conflicted for a moment before speaking up.“You said Doctor… Reid? Are you married?” You chuckled, flashing her your wedding ring.

“You’re perceptive, that’s good. Yes, Spencer is my husband.” She frowned. “Aren’t there like, policies against that or something?” “Oh, believe me, there are. Relationships can pose a huge conflict of interest.”, you laughed again. “But we annoyed everyone around us with our crushes on each other for so long that everyone was actually grateful once we actually got together. We just had to make it clear that we wouldn’t treat each other differently because we’re romantically involved.” Anna nodded, still looking surprised. “Are you prepared to see some case pictures? We’re about to go into our morning meeting to talk about our next case, but you don’t have to look at anything you don’t want to look at.” Her eyes lit up at that and she nodded decidedly. “No, I’m ready. I used to intern with a surgeon. I can see some blood.” You almost told her that a dead body and an alive, breathing one under anaesthesia weren’t quite the same, but couldn’t bring yourself to do it. She was so young, and so ready to take on the world. In some way, she reminded you of yourself. Young you had been so ready to kick down doors and arrest bad guys when she started out in law enforcement, and it had taken some time for you to find the golden way between enthusiasm and a cool head. But despite her eagerness, or maybe even because of it, Anna actually didn’t do too bad during her first two weeks with your team. She knew how to take orders, something you hadn’t known back then, and also knew herself well enough to step down from a case when she couldn’t stomach it, something you also should have learned way sooner. Once, she even figured out the one clue that had kept you all from figuring out who the unsub was. You were growing to really like her, and she would make a great agent should she actually decide to join the bureau further down the line.

“(Y/N)?” “Hm?” You answered, still in the middle of writing a report. It was late in the evening, and the day had been eventful. The case had ended in a shooting, a bullet had barely missed your shoulder and given you a nice graze wound. “How do you do it?” It was only after hearing her question that you looked up from your screen. Upon seeing the confusion on your face, she elaborated further. “How do you and your husband make it through all the stress? You constantly have to worry that your partner is going to get shot, or kidnapped, or even worse, die. How do you deal with that?” You gave her a gentle smile and gestured for her to sit, using the short moment of silence to organise your thoughts. “I think… as cheesy as it sounds, honesty is the key.” You spoke. “We never leave anything unsaid, so that we’re in the clear if… something happens to either of us. There’s nothing we don’t tell each other; we’ve learned our lesson with that.” Anna nodded solemnly. >“I think I’ve never met a couple like you. Most married couples I know would have long split up.” You had to chuckle at that. “I think that’s because there probably aren’t any couples like us. Somehow, people think that when you’re married you either hate each other or are constantly overly lovey-dovey with each other. But Spencer is my best friend, my partner. The one person I want to come home to after a long day. He’s kind of just like my sexy roommate.” “Hey!” Spencer called out from his desk across the bullpen. “I heard that!” “Good!”, you yelled back. “You were supposed to!” Both you and Anna laughed, your eyes meeting. “It’s not easy, but I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else. He’s also kind of the only one who understands my horrible working hours.” Anna nodded and chuckled. “Thank you. For being so honest with me, about everything. Most people just belittle me when I tell them I want to join the FBI.” You smiled. “Trust me, I know how you feel. Anything to give you a better picture of the life you have with this job. Do you want to go get some dinner?”

Later that night, after grabbing some orange juice from your fridge at home, your eyes landed on wedding picture that was pinned to its door. Spencer and you had been so young when you had met, barely even adults. Never before had you realised just how young you had really been, until you had seen Anna and how different she still was from your nearly mid-thirties self. The two of you had been so hellbent on proving yourselves to the world back then, so quick to prove anyone who told you what you could and couldn’t do wrong. Basically, the only people you felt safe to relax around had been each other.It had always been obvious that one day, there was going to blossom love between the two of you. Urged on by the pictures on your fridge you got a box from your living room and spread its content across your kitchen table. It was all the memories you had of yourself and Spencer, collected since the very start of your friendship. There were clippings from newspapers, pictures from birthday celebrations, museum tickets from all over the country. A plastic figurine Spencer had won for you in an arcade, a poker chip from when you had taken him to a casino and of course, quickly gotten kicked out again. But your favourite, of course, were the pictures of your wedding. The happiness on your team’s faces, small Henry bearing your rings, the way Spencer looked at you in your dress. He had been your companion for years now, your shelter, and the love you felt for him only ran deeper with every passing day. Working the job you did, the one thing you really needed was someone you didn’t have to question, and he was just that. The keys turning in the front door’s lock shook you out of your trip down memory lane. “Babe, I’m home!” Spencer announced, knowing damn well that you never slept until he was home. He often stayed at the BAU longer than you, always making sure the team hadn’t missed the littlest of details in a case.

“Hey.” You greeted him happily, pressing you lips to his. Your husband sighed into the kiss, pulling you closer. “I missed you today.” He murmured, gaze wandering across your face as if he had to memorise your features all over again. “You saw me a few hours ago.” You chuckled. He scrunched his nose. “Still. It’s been some time since we had a full day off. Are you looking at pictures?” He asked excitedly upon seeing the mess on the kitchen table. “Mhm.”, you hummed. “Talking about you with Anna brought back some memories.” He chuckled, immersed in the pictures spread out in front of him. “I wish I'd had someone like you being so open with me about the job back when I started at the BAU.” You joined him at the kitchen table, sneaking your arms around his waist. “Would you still have joined?” He looked at you, running his fingers through your hair. “I don’t know, actually. What I do know is that I wouldn’t have met you then, and I don’t know if I’d still like my life without you in it.” You felt yourself blush and buried your face in his side. “Shut up.” Not paying much attention to your shenanigans, he took a picture in his hands with a gentle smile. “This one is my favourite.” You furrowed your eyebrows. It was a picture of the two of you on the jet, months before you had even confessed your feelings to one another. You were asleep, face smushed against your seat, and Spencer was sitting next to you. He had an open book in his hands, but in the picture, he wasn’t reading. He was looking at you, the smallest hint of a smile on his lips. You didn’t even know who had taken the picture, probably Emily or Morgan. “I think this was the day I realised I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.” Spencer mused, his trademark shy smile on his lips. You looked up to him with wide eyes. “You already liked me back then?” He chuckled. “You really didn’t know? I felt like I was constantly embarrassing myself in front of you.” You laughed, shaking your head. “That was the time when I was still in denial.” You sighed and looked at the picture again. “It’s going to be eight years since we’ve met soon.” Spencer pulled you closer to his side. “Feels like it was yesterday to me.”

“What happens when an FBI agent gets pregnant?” You laughed at Anna’s question. She had become very comfortable around you over the course of her internship, and you couldn’t even imagine her not being around anymore. “You have to ask JJ about the kids stuff.” “Do you not want children?” Her question took you off guard. Did you even want kids? Of course, right? You were successful in your job, had an amazing partner… how had you never thought of that? The whirlwind that had been your twenties and first years at the bureau was over, and the current calm after the storm seemed to be a good time to think about it. Anna disappeared to ask JJ some questions about being a mom working for the FBI and the day went on, but her question didn’t quite leave your thoughts. Even when her internship was over and she went back to university, her words still echoed through your head. The young girl seemed to have given you a new appreciation of your life and had especially caused some thoughts about adding more to it.

“(Y/N), are you okay?” You bolted up from your thoughts, eyes zoning back in on Spencer’s face. “Huh?” You hummed stupidly. He deadpanned at you. “First you’re not able to look anywhere but the witness’s baby bump, and just now you were looking at my nose for ten minutes straight. Is everything alright?” You chuckled nervously, tucking your hair behind your ears. You had been staring at your husband’s face without an explanation. “I, uh…” You looked around the jet, making sure that no one else was listening in on the two of you. “It’s embarrassing to talk about.” Spencer just sent you a look. “We’ve been married for years and worked together for even longer. I thought we had gotten past ‘embarrassing’ a long time ago.” He did have a point; you had been the one to hold a big speech to Anna about honesty. “I…”, you sighed. “I was thinking about how cute your nose is, and if our baby would get it if we were to have one.” Your words seemed to completely catch him off guard. For few moments he just looked at you in frozen shock. Then facts about genetics started spilling from his mouth. “Actually, up until this day scientists can’t predict what a baby will look like based on its parent’s dna, but the philtrum is around 62% likely to be inherited from the parents, the tip of the nose 66% even. Additionally, considering the fact that male genes are generally more aggressive than female, ones it’s actually quite likely that a child of mine would have my nose.” Upon seeing the look on your face, he grew quiet. “But… judging by your expression I’m starting to realise that that’s not really the answer you had in mind.” You smiled at him, feeling your cheeks grow hotter by the minute. “Not really, no.” He gave you a long look, then sighed. “Do you think we’re ready for that? I don’t know if I am.” You took his hand, squeezing it gently. “You would be an amazing dad, Spence. I don’t think anyone really has an idea what they’re getting themselves into when they decide to become parents. And yeah, I think we’re ready. I mean, we have stable incomes, an amazing support system… and I’m not really getting younger.” “Statistically, you’re still of great age to birth children.” He cut himself off and shook his head. “Okay, I heard it myself this time, this is making me nervous.” You pressed a long kiss to his hand. “Relax, my love. I’m not saying we have to get to it right away. I just know that that’s something I want now, and I wanted to talk to you about it.” He nodded. “Maybe it wouldn’t even be too bad if it happened soon. If it happens it happens, right?” You laughed incredulously, but then thought back to all the times Spencer had held the Team’s children with nothing but fascination and adoration in his eyes. Maybe he had been playing with the idea even before you. You watched his gaze space off into the void. “I have so many books to read.”, he said with an empty expression. You chuckled, looking at his nose again. He really had a cute nose. And it wouldn’t be too bad if your children inherited his eidetic memory, too, you guessed. While Spencer stared out of the window, probably trying to remember everything he had ever read about pregnancies and parenthood, you leaned back into your seat and closed your eyes. Whether you were going to get pregnant and be prepared for it or not, you had the best soulmate by your side you could wish for and there was nothing you didn’t trust the two of you to accomplish. You were so ready for the next challenge that was going to be baby Reid.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #spencer x reader #mgg #Matthew gray gubler #Matthew gray gubler x reader #criminal minds #BAU #BAU Team #BAU x Reader #criminal minds oneshot #Spencer Reid oneshot #baby fever

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smashboxgirl26 · 3 years

Text

vengeance / chapter 6: a new perspective

chapter 5: befriending | chapter 7: helping

vengeance masterlist

You and Midoriya both walked through the doors, Midoriya following close behind as you swiped your keycard at the entrance and guided him to the center of the floor. Your heels clicked in rhythm against the cold, hard floor as you made your way to the front to see Mina sitting at the front desk.

She liked to take over for you during your lunch period since hers was earlier and she didn’t want you to come back stressed and worried about what to do. She would take the calls, write down notes for you, and direct people if they needed any basic assistance.

Her eyes looked up at the sound, widening as she saw the green-haired male that was trailing slowly behind you. Midoriya was more concerned with the atmosphere of the building, his eyes glancing in every direction as he took the place in.

His eyes stopped once he saw Mina stand up from the desk, in realization of her being one of the friends that was featured on your instagram account.

She was another Pro Hero. Somehow, it seemed like everyone else had achieved that dream except for him. But now, he’d have the chance to achieve something much greater, and much more meaningful than what they were doing.

“Hey Y/N,” Mina waved slightly before gesturing to Midoriya, “Who’s this?”

“A good friend of mine,” you answered, waving off her suspicions.

She raised her eyebrows in response to your answer but didn’t say anything as she reached her hand over the counter to shake Midoriya’s.

“Mina Ashido, or also known as the hero, Pinky!”

Midoriya returned the gesture before replying, “Izuku Midoriya. Nice to meet you.”

You interrupted their greeting as you stepped behind the desk and placed the messenger bag down, before turning to Mina.

“Is Katsuki still here? Or did he leave for patrol already?”

“Sorry, he left just a couple minutes ago,” she answered, staring at the paper bag and cup in your hand, guessing that was the reason for your question.

“I can put those up in his office for you if you’d like,” she said, gesturing towards them. “I have to go up and finish some paperwork now anyway before I leave.”

“Yes, please,” you nodded.

She smiled as she plucked them off the desk and nodded to Midoriya to say goodbye, before heading to the back of the building towards the elevator.

“Sorry about that,” you said, as you turned back to Midoriya. “Usually he’s still here,” you frowned.

He never left for patrol without saying goodbye to you. Maybe something urgent came up and he had to leave immediately.

“Don’t worry about it, he’s a pro hero so I understand,” Midoriya replied as he rubbed the back of his nape and looked around awkwardly.

“I don’t want you to wait here. Sometimes he comes back way later than normal, and if something happened that he had to leave in a rush he’ll definitely take a while.”

You stood up from the desk once more as you walked him out. Midoriya thanked you for the lunch before heading off into the direction of the bookstore, but not before glaring at the man from last night who passed him as he made his way back towards the building from lunch.

…

After you left his office, Bakugou stared down at the files you’d given him, having no motivation to open them and finish his paperwork. He mostly stared at the little sticky note on the top one, the little heart that was at the end of the note telling him who to call.

He shifted his chair so he could stare at the window, watching as the sun moved along with the clouds overhead.

Hearing Deku’s name for the first time in so long was starting to affect his mental capacity. He was scared. He remembered all the terrible things that happened between them before he left. And he regretted it. He regretted everything that he said and did.

But hearing about Deku again reminded him of that guilt, something that he’d pushed down a long time ago and left to sit on its own.

Would Deku even understand him if he explained his actions now? Would he forgive him, even?

More than anything, he didn’t want you to look at him any different if you found out what happened. Ideally, no one would tell you but he wasn’t so sure that was going to happen.

Watching the people pass by outside the window without awareness of his gaze seemed to ease him as the clock ticked by slowly. He finally turned away when he felt he’d thought over the situation enough. He was going to tell you when you both got back home and then hope for the best.

He swivelled the chair back to face the desk and stared at the note on the sticky note, reading:

Call from the Hero’s Commission, (###)###-####

Call back soon! ♥

He reached over his desk to grab the phone and typed in the numbers before pressing it up to his ear.

He turned back to stare at the world outside the window as the phone rang, the noise finally ending when he heard the other line pick up.

“Heroes Commision secretary Whitney speaking, how may I help you?”

“I got a call earlier, I was in a meeting,” he answered gruffly and bluntly.

“Ah yes, Mr. Dynamite? Give me a second and I’ll transfer you to the Director’s line.”

Bakugou rolled his eyes slightly at the thought of having to be on hold for longer. He hated the seemingly endless ringing.

So he was thankful when the other line opened up promptly, the Director clearing his throat noticeably before answering.

“Thank you for calling back so quickly. Usually we don’t get an answer back from your agency for a couple of days,” the director chuckled lightly.

Bakugou rolled his eyes in response to his comment. He despised the Director’s needless attempts to create mindless conversations when on business calls. He just wanted the news or information he wanted to tell him, and then he would hang up with no further notice. Which is probably why, he always put off calling them back for a couple of days.

Why he decided to actually call back promptly, was weird.

The director gave another small laugh as he imagined Bakugou’s reaction to his statement, deciding not to agitate him further.

“Listen, I’ll cut to the chase. I understand that back in UA, your class in particular had many run-ins with the group known as the League of Villains.”

“Yeah, we did,” Bakugou responded with his eyebrow raised. He was concerned as to where the direction of the conversation could be heading.

“And as you know, after the last large fight that occurred between the heroes, including your class, and said group ended in them being put away to top-security prisons and psych wards.”

The Director paused afterwards, the silence becoming louder by the second. Bakugou had a feeling about what he was going to say next. He didn’t want to admit it to himself though. His mind glanced back to you, thinking about how you were probably walking around the city without a care in the world. He wanted it to remain that way.

“Well, some of the staff at those institutions have expressed that there have been more and more behavioural incidents lately. They’ve been seeing more and more suspicious behavior coming either from the way they act with staff or the way they communicate with other prisoners. They are coming to fear that something big will occur soon. Of course, law enforcement has been notified and detectives are looking into the old case files and other pieces of evidence left behind to look for clues. So far, they think that there might be someone still out there that used to work with them. They have no direct evidence pointing to that fact, but from what I can see that’s what it looks like.”

“So why’re you dragging me into this mess, huh?”, Bakugou interrupted quickly. “Of course there are some people left behind. The underworld is huge, and is twisted in ways we don’t even fucking understand. Who knows how many goddamn people could’ve been working under or with them on the side?”

“As perceptive as always, huh Dynamite?”

Katsuki was about ready to jump over to the office and blow the old man up. He was tired of his overdramatic, round-about way of speaking. He wanted to be done with the call so he could finish his paperwork and eat the lunch you brought him before going out for patrol. He didn’t want to deal with the nonsensical drama the Director always tried to bring in his news.

“Don’t kill me, I swear I’ll tell you,” the Director reassured when he swore he heard Bakuogu’s seething breaths from the other line. “Why I’ve chosen you, Katsuki Bakugou? Because you’re capable. You’ve been in enough missions that you know rushing in at this stage in time is useless, but also know how to quickly take action when necessary. I trust that you won’t screw this up. Not to mention, you are the number four hero. And that the heads of police have been riding up my ass to get some heroes assigned on the case. A big name hero such as yourself will get them to shut up for a while. And then, when nothing pans out, you’ll get credit without having to do much.”

“...So, you’re basically telling me that you think the entire point of the case is useless. And that you want me to go help them, so they shut up.”

“Exactly,” the Director nodded intently. “Besides, since you’ve worked with these specific villains before, I’m sure that you’ll be able to tell them that nothing’s going to happen. We don’t want the public having an outcry, do we? It would wreak utter devastation otherwise.”

Bakugou shifted the air out of his nose harshly, choosing not to respond to his last comment. He bit his tongue before opening his mouth, yet feeling no words forming in his throat. What was he supposed to respond to him with?

So instead, he opted to just hang up the phone. The Director wouldn’t care, he was used to it.

He stared back at the desk in front of him, but not really looking at it as he began overthinking the Director’s words in his mind. He glanced down to the sticky note that you’d left him, specifically at the little heart at the end of the note.

While he hadn’t expressed his genuine fear to the Director, he was worried about where the investigation was going to pan out. He didn’t want anything dangerous to be found, obviously, but finding something and reporting it was better than sweeping it under the rug.

And since he now had no choice but to join, you bet he wasn’t going to half-ass it like the Director thought he was going to. He always put all of his effort into everything he did for his hero work, and this was no different.

And the little heart at the end of the note urged him further. He wanted to deal with the issue so you could be safe. That was his main job. No one else mattered if he couldn’t protect you first.

His consciousness began to slip out of his mind and back into the present moment, looking at the many files of paperwork littered across his desk. His hand reached out slightly as if it was an attempt to reach them, yet he recoiled it quickly, getting a sense of anxiety just looking at the pile.

He turned back behind him to look out the window, and stared once again at the blue sky and the lazy clouds that floated slowly across it. He needed to be there, where he could think about it.

Not to mention, he now had to tell you about his whole story with Deku and prepare himself for your reaction to his adolescence.

He barely even thought twice about it as he walked swiftly out the door and into the sunlight, mostly forgetting about the lunch you were bringing him.

#midoriya x reader x bakugou #yandere midoriya #izuku midoriya #midoriya x reader #bakugou katsuki x reader #yandere #mha #bnha #yandere izuku #mha fanfiction #bnha fic #bnha bakugou katsuki #bnha izuku #vengeance #keke.writes

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eventual-ghoste · 3 years

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TOG rambling

Hello! This post has to do with Andy and some revelations at the end of Force Multiplied. Spoilers I give aren’t super specific but they’re there, and I can’t promise they won’t bite.

This is also in response to a TOG discord question I couldn’t stop thinking about, regarding Andy’s history as compared to Nicky’s, as posited by Em | salzundhonig:

But Nicky's past as a crusader and his growth from his past was well received, surely that'll be the same with Andy right?

I apologize if these ramblings sound like a rant but I swear my intentions are in the spirit of debate/discourse, and they are not an attack on any individuals.

The TL;DR is: Andy has work to do. Hopefully Hollywood and Rucka don’t fuck that up.

Feel free to check/correct/call me out if I’ve misspoke anywhere here (I realize I still have a lot to learn) but IMHO, I don’t think a semblance of Andy’s growth will be well received. Or, at least, I’m not so certain it should be because, in the comics, I genuinely don’t think Andy has grown. At the end of Force Multiplied, she still defends her actions with the “this is how I grew up” argument, and says it was “a long time ago,” and as much as I love love LOVE Andromache the Scythian for her badassery and how she’s a vision of female empowerment, I can’t help but think about how I hear those words all the time from people defending themselves against racist and/or sexist comments from so-called bygone eras.

Wanna know a sad difference between those people and our beloved Andy? They apologize for what they’ve done, or who they were. As hollow as the words will sound, however unforgivable their actions, however self-serving the apology will be— Those Asshats apologize. Comic!Andy never does, not even when confronted by Nile, an African American woman who likely descends from slaves, and has undoubtedly experienced racism and discrimination on a regular basis. It’s been thousands of years and Andy doesn’t even know how to say sorry (if she ever does, kudos to whoever finds a timestamp/panel, and let me know!). Instead, Andy buries the truth of her actions with a load of justifications to the point that she becomes self-deprecating, calling herself “vermin,” concluding she’s no better than the apathetic, selfish, evil POS they hunt. She may have spent the past millennia with TOG, trying to make things right but then—

But then she gives up. She’s tired. She resigns because she doesn’t have it in her anymore to fight the injustice she once willingly and self-servingly participated in. So, on top of being incapable of apology, Andy also doesn’t vow to do better. She doesn’t accede to change.

If there is one reason for why “The Old Guard” is a fucking absolutely shitty title, is that it refers to people who refuse to accept new ideas and progress. We are in a fandom that has four canonically queer characters, three people of color, and two female leads! Maybe the irony is intentional but damn, why is it that Andy, PROTAGONIST #1, hasn’t completely caught up with the program?

And that brings me to why I think Andy’s reckoning will not be on the same level as Nicky’s. Because as popular as Kaysanova is, neither Nicky or Joe are the main protagonists of TOG.

We don’t follow Nicky or Joe (or Booker) into scenes. The men are strictly back-at-the-ranch, supporting characters. We follow Andy or Nile (who also have the most screen time, I believe, but fact-check me). Filmically speaking, we ought to value them with a measure of precedence. Their words and actions matter the most, especially Andy’s by nature of how everyone looks to her for guidance.

So, with all that in mind: How does one reconcile a beloved protagonist with a despicable past in slavery, of all things? In the wake of an international racial reckoning, how is a celebrated, white South African actress going to fulfill that role? How is production going to balance fantasy with reality? How are Rucka and other involved writers (Theron, Prince-Bythewood?) going to alter the original IP, while retaining the nuance of this moral quandry?

Forgive me for the overkill but: How is it going to happen?

I’m well aware that my thoughts are going down a rabbit hole, and I am definitely overthinking this, but as somebody who’s genuinely curious about whether Victoria Mahoney and the rest of the TOG crew will have the guts to confront the issue head-on, or if they’ll take the easy way out. Excise the bits that no one wants to talk about, much less watch in a feel-good film that TOG has become for many fans.

Whatever production ends up doing, I hope that 2O2G doesn’t end on a cliffhanging “pity Andromache” note because, damn, I’m gonna feel real uncomfortable scrolling through fandom posts, reading people defending slavery and giving the same “the past is a foreign country; they do things differently there” spiel, in order to protect a fictional character played by a conventionally-attractive cis heterosexual white woman.

(Also: If the past is so different from the present, why are there still calls for social justice? Why do ALL industries still lack diverse and equitable representation?)

Now, this is where I’ll go back to the original question and say: While I think Nicky functions well as an example for change/growth/redemption, I don’t think his change serves as a good comparison to Andy’s. I say this, even while I’m aware of double standards in gender, and even between the reception of gay characters vs lesbian characters vs etc. (re: I’m open to critique).

My line of thought stems from the fact that, canonically, Nicky always had Joe. The two have seemingly been inseparable from the moment they first killed each other. It’s likely that Joe would check Nicky whenever he said or did something wrong and offensive, and perhaps this symbiosis was mutual.

(I also have a feeling that many people easily disregarded the Christian/Muslim conflict because A) lack of knowledge in BOTH religions and B) the onscreen couple appear very much in love, especially when one is giving a beautiful monologue on the nature of their relationship. When we meet Joe and Nicky, we meet them at their best. Shout-out to interfaith couples who know more about this than my single (and secular) ass does, and might have more to say about this.)

On the other hand: Andy never had someone who was like how Joe was for Nicky. No one ever calls out Andy because A) she’s the oldest, B) she’s the lead, and C) her business card says ANDROMACHE OF SCYTHIA, WAR GOD. Yeah, she had Quynh/Noriko but— at the risk of yelling at Rucka for vilifying a queer woman of color (or praising him for not leaning on the stereotype of Asian passivity? idk, anyone got thoughts on this?)— Noriko is clearly not encouraging good behavior. Neither will Quynh if Netflix lets 2O2G be as faithful to the comics as TOG1 was.

Which means the Law 282 conversation might be…unavoidable? Somewhere along the line, we still end up in the hotel room with Andy, on the floor, pleading for her crew to not abandon her, even though she is the one who abandoned their cause.

This sets up a circumstance in which Fade Away might be spent trying to redeem Andy/Charlize Theron, bring her back to the “good side,” teaching her to be better— thereby highlighting her experience and “salvation,” rather than making a point of her past, and the reality of her actions. In other words, a “pity the white woman” fest.

(Because I’m crossing my fingers that TOG production/Netflix know better) In an effort to prevent that from happening, I wonder if Rucka will combine Force Multiplied with Fade Away for the 2O2G script. Given the series’ track record, I think it is feasible that FA’s release coincides with 2O2G’s, and that it finally resolves Andy. Whether by revitalizing her energy as a do-some-gooder, or finalizing her vulnerability by putting her 6,000 years to rest, thus handing off the reigns to Nile and a new generation of leadership.

The last thing I want to leave off with is: I don’t hate Andy. It’s a credit to Rucka and fellow writers (from film and fandom) that I don’t.

I might not love her character as enthusiastically as I used to, but that doesn’t mean I’m not amazed by her creation. She’s a female lead whose sexuality is not exploited by the male gaze; whose emotional vulnerability is not considered a hindrance to, nor an explanation for, her battle prowess; and whose unabashed queerness is not reinforced by cookie cutter stereotypes. Andromache the Scythian is AMAZING.

That doesn’t mean I’m going to excuse or ignore her most glaring and contemptible flaw. More than anything, I’d love to sweep her past under the carpet so that 2O2G can be problem-free. Like many people, I just want to enjoy a movie without getting triggered.

I want to see Quynh and Andy kiss and make up. I want to see Joe rocking Those Shorts, and a cheeky shot of Nicky appreciating his ass. I want to see Nile welcoming Booker back to the family again. Some form of group therapy would be chef’s kiss.

But something about glossing over/removing slavery from Andy’s narrative reeks of dishonesty, and reminds me that the (Hollywood) movie industry is full of people who do not want to be tainted with negative perceptions. Understandably, appearances are their livelihood— but that particular truth is something they still have to reckon with.

#the old guard #tog #vi rambles

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passionate-reply · 3 years

Video

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Stan Ridgway is best remembered as the guy from Wall of Voodoo, and Wall of Voodoo are best remembered as the guys from “Mexican Radio.” But there’s a whole lot more to Ridgway’s solo career, which began with 1986′s The Big Heat--Americana, epic narratives, and a whole lot of digital synth. (Transcript below the break!)

Welcome to Passionate Reply, and welcome to Great Albums! Today, we’ll be looking at an often overlooked solo debut: Stan Ridgway’s The Big Heat, first released in 1986.

Stan Ridgway is best remembered as the original frontman of Wall of Voodoo, and Wall of Voodoo, in turn, are best remembered for the single “Mexican Radio,” a landmark bit of New Wave eclecticism that became an unlikely hit thanks in large part to heavy rotation on MTV. That said, like a lot of ostensible “one-hit wonders,” the span of Ridgway’s artistic career is quite a bit more varied and more interesting than this solitary recording might suggest. While I don’t believe that “Mexican Radio” is simply a novelty song that can easily be dismissed, I will set it aside for the time being, because any attempt to cover the rest of Stan Ridgway’s work is probably better off without worrying about it. Instead, let’s take a look at his first bona fide solo release: the 1983 single, “Don’t Box Me In.”

Music: “Don’t Box Me In”

“Don’t Box Me In” was a collaboration between Ridgway and percussionist Stewart Copeland, then known chiefly for his work with the group The Police. While Copeland is now fairly well known for his work composing scores for cinema and video games, this was one of his first forays into that field: the soundtrack to Francis Ford Coppola’s film adaptation of Rumble Fish. Based on a novel by S. E. Hinton, most famous for The Outsiders, Rumble Fish was actually a tremendous flop for Coppola, perceived to be a bit too avant-garde for its own good, and Copeland’s percussion-led score for the film, experimental in its own right, certainly didn’t help that perception. Despite all of this, “Don’t Box Me In” managed to do fairly well for itself as a single, achieving substantial alternative radio play purely on its own merits. And merits it has, weaving together the experience of a fish trapped in a tiny bowl with a more universalized sense of human ennui, being overlooked and underestimated by everyone around you. Not to be underestimated himself, Ridgway has not only written these evocative lyrics, but delivers them in a manner that shows a complexity beyond his semi-affected Western twang, conveying fragility and uncertainty alongside indignation and determinedness. This is also the version of Stan Ridgway whom we meet when we listen to The Big Heat.

Music: “Camouflage”

Despite being the very last single released from The Big Heat, the eerie war yarn “Camouflage” would go on to be the most successful track from the album, and Ridgway’s best-known hit as a solo artist. Perhaps surprisingly, the single was largely snubbed in the charts of Ridgway’s native USA, becoming a much bigger hit throughout Europe. While playing the harmonica and sporting a bolo tie, Ridgway seems to almost play the character of the quintessential American, and perhaps it’s that quality that’s caused this apparent rift. Is it necessary to analyze his art through the lens of exoticism in order to find it appealing?

It’s a hard question for me to answer, personally--I might be from the US myself, but at the same time, the vast majority of the music I listen to is European, as a natural consequence of being chiefly a devotee of electronic music. There is still a sort of novelty factor I find in Ridgway’s work. I remain in awe of the fact that a musical genius exists who uses a hard R, and says “huh?” instead of “pardon me?” But, of course, I am amazed by this moreso because it makes me feel “represented,” for once, in a musical tradition which is important to me. If people from Britain’s crumbling industrial centers like Sheffield and Manchester have made great electronic music, then surely synthesisers can also tell the stories of the American Rust Belt, where I come from? For that, we’ll have to step away from the sort of typified narrative of “Camouflage,” and take a listen to the album’s title track.

Music: “The Big Heat”

“Camouflage” told us a tale as old as time, in which a benevolent ghost offers one last act of aid to a vulnerable human being. The album’s title track, on the other hand, alludes to a particularly 20th Century form of storytelling: the detective drama and film noir, as hinted at by its allusion to the classic Fritz Lang film of the same title. Ridgway assumes the perspective of the hardboiled detective, hot on the trail of some mysterious quarry, and it is the innocent passers-by he seeks information from who respond with the song’s banal refrain: “Everybody wants another piece of pie today.” For as much as people have mocked Ridgway’s singing style over the years, you’ve got to appreciate his lilting delivery of this line here in the first verse, where it comes from the mouth of a female character.

It’s easy, of course, to see such apparent non sequitur lyrics in Ridgway’s oeuvre as merely ridiculous, as many quickly do with the likes of “Mexican Radio,” but the more you listen to him, the more his style begins to make sense. The instinct to find humour in things is deeply connected to the feeling of being surprised, and encountering the unexpected. Ridgway happens to be all about delivering the unexpected, and it’s precisely the surface-level absurdities and surprises his lyricism offers that make us think more deeply about the stories he tells. The title track of The Big Heat isn’t about pie, but rather the fact that everybody its characters encounter appears to be grasping for more out of life, and hungry for something else. It’s what drives criminals to transgress against the law, and it’s also, perhaps, what drives the detective to devote himself to the pursuit of the abstract principle of “justice.” To both the villain and the hero of this story, the civilians they brush past are little more than means to an end, despite their display of greater wisdom and insight into these issues than anyone else. Ridgway excels at conveying this sort of saintly everymannishness, and does so with similar gusto on the track “Pick It Up (And Put It In Your Pocket)”.

Music: “Pick It Up (And Put It In Your Pocket)”

“Pick It Up (And Put It In Your Pocket)” was actually not released as a single, which is perhaps surprising given its hooky quality and sprightly synth backdrop. While “Camouflage” is assembled chiefly from traditional instruments, with only a subtle intrusion of Yamaha DX-7 to remind you that it came out in 1986, many of the other tracks, like this one and the title track, are willing to double down on electronic influences, and ride the wave of “peak synth-pop” that was easily cresting by the mid-1980s. That aside, the central theme of “Pick It Up (And Put It In Your Pocket)” is the quotidian avariciousness one encounters among ordinary folk, and the psychological effects of living in a “mean world.” While the text mostly revolves around the idea of living in fear, and the paranoia of knowing that “everything changes hands when it hits the ground,” it reaches a climax by showing us an actual situation where this occurs: the pathetic figure of a filthy old man who finds a small bill in the road, and, in a fit of folk superstitiousness, is said to “thank the street.” The song’s tension lives between the bustle of the jealous ones, and the reality of life for those desperate enough to pick up money from the street. Like many of Ridgway’s greatest works, this track simultaneously portrays the mentality of the common man in a direct and serious manner, but also opens up room for it to be criticized. This everyman bystander persona is assumed more directly in the track “Drive, She Said.”

Music: “Drive, She Said”

While the album’s more electronic elements are its main draw, in my eyes, there are still a number of tracks that remain dominated by traditional instruments, “Drive, She Said” being a prime example of them. While narratives are always at the center of Ridgway’s work, “Drive, She Said” moves us away from omniscient narration like that of “Pick It Up (And Put It In Your Pocket)” and back into the mind of a specific and individualized narrator--in this case, a cab driver who somewhat reluctantly transports a bank robber, with whom he might also be falling in love. While it doesn’t have the supernatural implications of “Camouflage,” the two stories do seem to have much in common: an ordinary person meets someone who quickly reveals their extraordinary nature, and despite the brevity of their encounter, the protagonist is deeply affected, and perhaps changed, by the events. Much as “Pick It Up (And Put It In Your Pocket)” sees fit to shatter its apparent main premise, with an interlude that shifts the tempo of the music as well as introduces the contrasting figure of the old beggar, “Drive, She Said” introduces an interlude of its own: the driver’s reverie, in which he runs away with his enigmatic passenger. As in many of Ridgway’s tales, we must consider both the beauty of a wonderful dream, and its sheer impossibility.

On the cover of The Big Heat, we see a portrait of Stan Ridgway looking glum, which is not itself terribly unusual for an album cover, though the fact that he’s behind a metal fence certainly is. The main focus of the image seems to be Ridgway’s environment, a bleak industrial setting full of towering machinery, and no other traces of human beings. The absence of other figures in this scene draws attention to the scale of the machines, as well as the fact that in many parts of the US, including my own, it’s very common to see equipment like this that’s fallen into disuse and disrepair. Much as ruined aqueducts and palaces mark the places in Europe where the Roman Empire had once held fast, these sorts of derelict manufacturing facilities are a common sight in America, and serve as reminders of the squandered “American Century.” While many album covers have shown me places I like to imagine myself visiting, I don’t have to imagine what being here might be like, having grown up in a place whose pride left soon after the steel industry did. It strikes me as exactly the kind of setting that Ridgway’s narratives ought to take place in: dirty, simple, well-intentioned, doomed, and all-American.

Ridgway’s follow-up to The Big Heat would be 1989’s *Mosquitos,* an album that largely abandons the many synthesiser-driven compositions found in his earlier work. It’s hard to fault him for this decision, given how much the mainstream appeared to be souring on synth-pop and electronic rock by the end of the decade, but it does mean that this album offers little I’d want to listen to recreationally. That is, with the exception of its third and final single, “Goin’ Southbound,” a practically epic drama of small-town drug smugglers trying to survive, and one that fires on all cylinders when it comes to fiddles dueling with digital synths. This track feels like it would fit right in on The Big Heat, so if you’ve enjoyed this album, don’t miss it.

Music: “Goin’ Southbound”

My favourite track on The Big Heat is “Salesman,” which, to my surprise, received a small advance promo release without ever becoming a true single. The titular character, an unctuous but insecure traveling salesman, is as rich a narrating persona as any of the many in Ridgway’s catalogue, and I love the way the refrain just feels like a song you might make up while idly doing something else, silly and yet primal at the same time. It captures the feeling of living “on the edge of the ball,” enjoying the freedom of spontaneity, but also, perhaps, suffering for its enforced sloppiness. That’s everything for today, thanks for listening!

Music: “Salesman”

#music #album review #album reviews #great albums #stan ridgway #wall of voodoo

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fymagnificentwomcn · 4 years

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t’s truly something how all princes/sultans in tmck are so pressed…I get their life isn’t easy, but all that blaming & truly how it can affect everyone’s perception. Murad even accused his mother of faking an assassination attempt on her life, incredible *sarcasm of course*. And Atike was just his cheerleader most of the time, ugh. All that blaming by people who even weren’t there. Thanks for writing that piece!

Aww thank you so much! This piece is my magnum opus I guess lol (Link here:https://fymagnificentwomcn.tumblr.com/post/610970504341405696/no-she-isnt-the-whole-evil-k%C3%B6sem-thing-isnt )

Murad’s angry 24/7 & gets so ridiculous with blame-shifting – he would need a good anger management therapy LBR.

And there’s one scene that portrays his character in nutshell:

Doctor: you cannot drink anymore wine, Your Majesty.

Murad, literally 5 minutes later: Yusuf, bring me wine!

Murad in 1 minute, another example:

Kösem: Don’t marry Silahtar to Atike, you also have another sister and if you do it, it will end in tragedy!

Murad: No worriez, I’ve thought about Gevherhan, I will marry her to Kemankeş ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I mentioned a lot of blame-shifting in my previous posts, but he even at moment began questioning his mum about Gülbahar and whether she truly committed treason (and Gülbahar herself admitted to it).

Even when Atike asked him for permission to take children with her & Kösem to vaqf, he was totally okay with the idea, but later after kidnapping snapped at his mother that it was HER fault for gaving taken his sons there & began threatening her with exile far away. Charming as always.

Honestly, he’s like a broken record. In all his arguments, while Kösem has her logical arguments, his only argument is usually “I’m the only/rightful owner of Ottoman Empire, “I’m the shadow of God on Earth. Like dude do you realise how boring you are???

Don’t forget how mad he got when Kösem wrote to Kemankeş to have a backup plan if Murad died and Bayezid wanted to take the throne, which could have meant danger for other Kösem’s sons. After all, she didn’t take it from nothing, Gülbahar told her about assassination attempt to come & it actually already had happened by the time Murad received the letter. Yes, dude you are not immortal, you could have been killed, and life goes on you know? It doesn’t mean your mother doesn’t love you or is not going to mourn you, but she also needs to take care of your brothers and state ffs. He’s truly obsessed with this idea that after his death life will (unfortunately in his view) go on – which is also meaningful since Kösem reminded him like two episodes earlier that state was going to remain even with both of them dead. And well we all know the “masterful” idea he conceived just before his death.

And it’s clear how even some of his siblings fear him – Gevherhan was scared immediately following the announcement of Kösem no longer being a regent (especially since he did in a way to put blame on his mother for recent events to prop himself up, and he was also engaged in state matters at that point). Kasim also immediately fears being locked up in kafes or even executed. Judging by their conversations, despite problems going on, last 10 years were a peaceful time for their family.

As I said, out of all Kösem’s opponents only Handan and Derviş weren’t worse than her, and she was the only main player that never engaged in mass slaughter – Safiye, Halime&Co., Gülbahar&Sinan, Murad, Turhan - all did.

Same with Atike – she was a baby when when her father died, didn’t even spend her early years locked up as Ibrahim…. she’s honestly so blind it’s painful. The scene where she jumps at Kemankeş for trying to talk sense to Ibrahim not to appoint Genie Master as chief judge… please your brother is now acting contrary to Imperial law and it’s asking for further disaster if Cinci increases his influence among ulema by bringing people who pay him into it & it’s good Ibo is controlled in this way… nah, it’s actually necessary. And how you jump from this to your mother I have no idea either. A true performative “activist”, who talks about protecting her brother, but all is limited to talking & exposing her moral superiority, while it’s not supported by any real actions helping him.

Well, you got your revenge on your mother for killing the husband who despised you, acted against your youngest brothers at that point, and likely was only praying you wouldn’t follow him also into afterlife.

I also forgot to mention one more example of Mu/rat manipulating the narrative – when he tells Atike following the failed dethronement attempt & Kasim’s death that their mother had lied to her and tried to kill him – he was after all put in kafes, he should be aware nobody planned an assassination attempt, bah he KNEW the whole plan from Sinan… and yes, Kösem being so adamant that nothing can happen to Mura/t cost her Kasim in the end.

Atike herself was aware that Mu/rat would have killed her brothers even if the dethronement attempt had not happened as she told him to his face after Kasim’s death and she stated that he had made the decision long ago. Later however she got the letter from Murad informing her who killed Silahtar and she even released Traitor No. 1 Sinan to spite her mum 😂.

I suppose princes at this point led the hardest existence because they were closed in kafes, unable to get decent education&experience or have families (maybe they were allowed to have sex with cariyes, but contraception had to be used or even abortion if the concubine of a sehzade has got pregnant) but at the same time they weren’t certain whether they wouldn’t be killed because the switch to anti-fratricide was pretty new&the times were turbulent. Osman clearly broke Imperial law by getting fetva from military judge to kill Mehmed, and Murad killed the biggest number of Ahmed’s sons obviously (yeah more than in the show because not all princes appeared in MYK, though we don’t know the exact number of Ahmed’s sons, Murad definitely also executed Suleiman, most likely his full brother). I laugh when people go about “rule-breaker” Murad. Wow by getting back to law that has already began to run its course, clap clap.

Murad was king of hypocrisy and it’s also a historical fact. As Halil İnalcık states in his book Ottoman Empire: The Classical Age: “ The tyrannical Murad IV was a habitual drinker and at the same time the most ruthless supporter of the prohibition againt alcohol”. Mu/rat tried to make use of religion in his attempts to drill absolute obedience, but he wasn’t a religious person himself & definitely tried to take from religion what it most suited him, while ignoring other things, e.g. he kept decreasing zakat, aka income tax that goes to charity. A small bit of trivia: apparently he was a big fan of Machiavelli’s The Prince, there were even some rumours that he translated the book himself (we can only imagine he also took from this book what he wanted 🤪 ).

Similarly Turhan manipulated the narrative, also in a hypocritical way – remember her going like: “how many padişahs you killed?” and she was the main force behind Ibo’s death… the moment Ibo told her that she “was a coward who hid behind his mother’s skirts”… it was clear he was doomed. There was explicit anger on Turhan’s side here. Not only because she felt insulted by him, but also because she felt a need to prove both to him and the world that she was capable to be on top without Kösem’s support. Not to mention all her actions leading to Ibo’s situation, also her ordering Mehmed to sign his dad’s death order was so chilling “I don’t want dad to die”. Well, now let’s play morally pure, especially while murdering elderly (very elderly lbr :p) Haci in again a brutal way, including twisting his neck. It’s not even that she removed a padisah – she actively worked to make him crazier and for his rule to be total failure, it wasn’t even about her, Ibo or Kösem – whole nation suffered because she was impatient to take power into her hands./BTW pity we skipped the time period when they were both Valides and we know both tried to get rid of each other, without harming Mehmed/ And frankly even with Kösem it was a terrible & undeserved backstabbing because also Ibi criticised Turhan for this saying his mother always “loved and protected her, did so much for her” and I doubt Ibo was biased here considering that he was also on bad terms with his mum at that moment.

Later the situation truly calmed down & later princes could live much more peacefully because the practice of killing truly went out of style and also later there were less and less restrictions on princes and they could for example travel abroad with the reigning padişah. For example, Sultan Abdülaziz took princes for a European trip and they even had a chance to meet Queen Victoria.

And I laugh when people blame Kösem for “failing to protect the princes” instead of you know, blame the actual killer. Ahmed truly replenished dynasty, while Murad axed a number of his brothers, at the same time of course used his own propaganda. It is true that Murad executed the favourite of princes, Bayezid, during celebrations following the successful Revan campaign. Similarly, when Kasim was executed someone spread rumours about the prince impregnating a number of concubines & it was before the Baghdad campaign when even setting out on it Murad had to display his “splendour and glory”.

Show-wise I legit one read that Kösem killed Ahmed because she spared Bulbül following Safiye’s attempted coup lmao. It’s not like Ahmed wasn’t there when she made the decision & it’s not like it wasn’t Hümaşah who after all got Yasemin in, and I doubt anyone could oppose an Imperial princess anyway – she would have found another servant. And Bülbül later saved Kösem’s kids, so… scapegoating truly is in some people’s blood lmao.

I love how MYK played with the idea of historical representation & creation of narrative, how people “see” and how different factors might influence their perception & creation of narrative. And also how S2 put into different perspective some stuff from S1. I admit there were some things that back during first watch of MYKS1 made me go WTF? that I later understood when compared/contrasted with MYK S2. It’s clear that they truly planned a lot of the whole show back in S1.

It’s sometimes interesting how narratives may be created and repeated even without evidence supporting it - there is no historical evidence that Kösem took part in Osman’s dethronement, yet it is something that often pops up even in “historical articles” for example. People deduce since Kösem later became Valide quite soon because Mustafa’s (or rather Halime’s) reign didn’t last long, know Şehzade Mustafa’s (Suleiman’s son) story, and some rumours about what Ottoman women did to secure throne for their children, so they see getting rid of one’s stepson to claim throne for one’s child as logical and usual in Ottoman system, even when there is no proper evidence backing it up. Because it seems natural and logical, so why not make it more spicy? We know next to nothing about Mahfiruz, but there is this “Betty vs Veronica” trope, so suddenly we learn that Mahfiruz was Kösem’s opposite, not politically involved or ambitious, but gentle & sweet, and even details like light hair pop up as opposed to Kösem’s dark hair (sometimes of course it is also extended to good vs. evil). Taken from where, other than fitting a known trope? Or when she’s presented as some sort of Mahidevran vol.2 as having as close relationship with Osman like Mahi did with Mustafa, perfect prince and jealous stepmother Kösem. I know some of the stuff is also derived from Western, orientalist plays, but those are obviously not sources and should not be treated as truth. And sometimes it it even repeated by historians. For example Uluçay, who was very against Sultanate of Women & pretty much propagated a lot of rumours (and new approach to the period truly changed a lot of how academia writes about these women now). Let us look at this quote:

Taken from: Necdet Sakaoğlu, Famous Ottoman Women.

It’s clear what narrative Uluçay chose for his research.

It’s common practice to sometimes fill in the blanks (and sometimes even change stuff) with known cliches, tropes, and narratives.

It is truly a topic for an extended discussion, so I will stop for now, but when it comes to Ottoman history I do recommend Daniel Piterberg’s Ottoman Tragedy. History and Historography at Play, which shows how the same event may be even differently presented in historical works depending on chosen narrative that is often rooted in current context.

#magnificent century: kosem #muhtesem yuzyil kosem #muhteşem yüzyıl kösem #kosem sultan #murad iv #answered #mods opinions #yeah again slowly restarting blog #I hope you missed my ramblings yhy #idk what's happening with read more cut ffs #so #long post

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letmetellyouaboutmyfeels · 4 years

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genuinely curious - i have a terrible memory - what are some of the terrible things shannon did to chris? besides i mean. abandoning him. (not trying to defend her i really just can't remember anything ever)

No worries, dear nonny! This got long so it’s under a cut.

The number one thing for me is her abandonment of him. Whatever problems you’re having in your marriage are valid, but you do not just up and leave your child with nothing but a sarcastic note to your spouse. She didn’t contact Christopher even once over the next three years.

It would have been super easy for her to say, “My mom has cancer, Eddie, and I think you and I need a break from our marriage. I need to go and help my mom. Let’s set something up so I can still see Christopher.”

While Eddie was on tour they did video calls and he sent cards. Shannon did none of those things. Eddie’s shocked to see her, he says it’s a problem to contact her for the school, and Shannon asks, “Does he ask about me?” regarding her son. The first thing we learn about Shannon is Eddie saying to Buck, “His mom’s not in the picture.” All of that means Shannon has no contact with Christopher.

EDIT: My friend re-watched the scene and Eddie says “His mom’s not in the picture. I’m all he’s got.” This not only implies that Shannon has no contact with Christopher but that she can’t even be fucking trusted to care for her son if Eddie dies.

WHAT!?!?!?

Then, in 3x15, we learn that Shannon was claiming she had no support with Chris and was doing everything on her own - when we get clear contradictions to that. Eddie’s parents are right there, helping her. They’re literally right outside in the scene where she says this. And they later say “we have been there every single day from the time he was born.” Shannon had help from her in-laws this entire time and she wants to claim she was doing this all by herself? That it was too hard?

Now, Eddie’s parents clearly had reservations about Shannon just as a person, and I’m sure Shannon picked up on that. Her comment about understanding the feeling about not being able to do anything right after Eddie’s mom chastises him suggests that she got a lot of lecturing and flack from her in-laws and could never parent Christopher good enough in their eyes (and that has nothing to do with Christopher’s disability, I suspect no matter how able her child was, his parents would do this). But saying “your parents criticize me a lot” is very different from “I have no support system.” Christopher’s grandparents are literally there every day! Helping her! She’s not doing this alone!

And again to just LEAVE WITH A NOTE AND NO WARNING AND--*screams into a pillow*

THE RAAAAAAGE

Also - and okay I’m going to be honest, I think this is something that most people didn’t pick up on, because it’s not something most able people will pick up on, just like as a white person I might not always pick up on instances of racial prejudice - but Shannon’s speech in the school parking lot to Eddie was hugely ableist.

She’s doing the classic “Martyr Mother” thing where she talks about how hard it was to be the mom of a disabled child and how guilty she feels and how it’s all her fault... shut the everloving FUCK up, Shannon, nobody fucking CARES.

When you have a kid, you sign up to be a parent to that child no matter what. Whether that child is autistic, deaf, blind, has CP, allergies, is gay, trans, what the hell ever. If you didn’t want to deal with that possibility then you shouldn’t have had a kid. You want to take care of something where you can pick out all the traits ahead of time and then train them to be exactly the kind of creature you want them to be?

Get a fucking dog.

You can pick out the breed, noting the breed’s energy levels, lifespan, typical health issues, temperament, etc. You can choose the one that looks cutest. You can train them in puppy school so that they sit, stay, shake paws, roll over, and bark on command. And they will never argue with you or decide they want to be in a punk metal band instead of becoming a doctor. They will just love you and cuddle you and look adorable for the rest of their lives.

Ta-fucking-da.

If you have a kid and then after five years you decide that your issues with your husband are more important than finding a way to be with your child, then you’re a fucking piss-poor parent. Fuck you, and don’t let the door hit you on your way out. Leaving Eddie did NOT equate to leaving Christopher. And she left Christopher.

Having a kid with CP does not set you up to be a martyr, you do not get to mope about how it’s all your fault, and you do not get to let your guilt that you’ve conjured up in your head be more important than your actual goddamn child. The show hasn’t gotten hugely into it but I will bet you money (which I cannot afford) that Christopher knows he’s a part of the reason his mom left and he feels like shit about it.

Christopher is a smart, highly sensitive child who picks up easily on how others are feeling. That same sensitivity that enables him to be so kind and understanding also means he picks up on negative emotions. Kids are fucking perceptive. There is no way in Hell that he didn’t know something was up with his mom before she left, and there’s no way he didn’t know it was partially about him.

And then afterwards - in 3x15 Christopher tells Eddie that his grandparents yell at him a lot. How much has he overheard? His grandparents don’t like Shannon so even if Eddie lied and said “no no Mom’s coming back she just had to go take care of her mom for a while,” that lie’s not gonna last long and you bet Eddie’s parents have ZERO interest in maintaining that lie to protect Shannon. I’m sure Christopher picked up on a lot of sarcastic, passive-aggressive remarks and I’m sure he overheard a lot of fights.

Now, that’s not directly Shannon’s fault in the sense that she didn’t say those things. But what the hell are Eddie and his parents supposed to say to Christopher? What could they possibly tell him? His mother left out of the blue and never talks to him.

In act, Shannon wrote a letter, one that she almost sent, basically telling Christopher ‘goodbye forever’. And she kept that letter in case she decided she did want to send it.

Even after she comes back into his life, Shannon’s behavior is very... well. I’m not convinced. She says she want to be in Christopher’s life, but how? For one thing, she can’t seem to separate her issues with Eddie from her relationship with Christopher. It reminds me of in the film Clueless how the dad says, “You divorce a spouse, not the kids.” I think Shannon should’ve watched that movie a few more times.

Shannon never makes any steps to firmly be in Christopher’s life. She says she wants to see him, and then we see a bit of her hanging out with him and Eddie, but once she can see him and spend some fun time with him, we never see her discuss custody, or living arrangements, or anything. Now part of this might be it’s an ensemble TV show and we only have so much time, but come on. I see no signs of her being serious and taking practical steps to ensure she is a parent to Chris.

And THEN she says she wants a divorce and she says she “needs to learn how to be a mom.”

MA’AM???

She was a mom to Christopher for five years, and what, you still want fucking practice or something? Being a parent is a constant battle with your own imperfections and failures. As Eddie tells Buck after the tsunami, “I fail that kid every day, but I keep trying.” That’s parenting. You’re gonna fall off the horse a lot but you keep getting back on.

Shannon strikes me as someone who wants to be the ‘perfect’ mom and be on top of it and have it all together, and that’s never going to happen. Given her little speech about Christopher’s CP and how hard it is and how guilty she feels about ‘giving’ it to him, I think my instinct has merit.

Now, it’s iffy on if Shannon was going to leave Christopher again when she asks for the divorce. Eddie sure seems to think that’s what it means. But Shannon’s words and behavior leave no clear ground. Once again we have zero clue what her actual practical intentions are with her son. And she says that whole thing about the letter and then says, “I want to never have to send that letter.”

WHAT?

You rip that letter up, ma’am, you don’t have it in reserve! It’s like the difference between saying, “I won’t hurt you” and “I don’t want to hurt you.” One implies that you won’t hurt the person, the other implies that you don’t want to, but you might. Saying she hopes to “never have to send it” and keeping that letter both imply that she might in the future actually give Christopher that letter and leave again.

Maybe this is some bad writing. Maybe the writers were trying to say that she wouldn’t leave Christopher. I don’t know. But I do know what’s on my screen and in the episodes and I do not see Shannon actually apologizing to Christopher, doing the work of a mom, saying that she will never leave him again, making up for what she did to him. Newsflash! Appearing at Christmas and going to the beach with your kid does not make up for leaving him for three years with no explanation! You gotta earn that trust back and for me, Shannon didn’t earn it.

Never ever EVER does Shannon say, “I want to be in my son’s life as his mother and I will be here and I am not leaving again.” Her language is ambiguous and self-martyring. She can’t seem to separate her relationship with Eddie from her relationship with Christopher also I feel like the divorce thing comes out of nowhere but whatever. She never seems to fully come to terms with or admit what she did to her son and how she left him. You can walk out on a marriage. Fine. But you don’t walk out on your kid. And that’s exactly what she did.

And then threw some fun ableism onto it for good measure! And never fully committed to Christopher! She gave it a weird trial period where she got to come back and do some fun activities with him and then she gave a speech where she’s definitely divorcing his father but might? or might not? be leaving him again? we don’t know? Maybe she’s saying she won’t leave now but she might leave later if it gets too hard again?

Shannon abandoned her child and then showed her ableism and self-centered mindset and did nothing (or not nearly enough) to make up for it. And I really cannot forgive her for that.

#mads answers things #mads rants

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stitchwitchsapprentice · 3 years

Text

Fullmetal Alchemist Liveblog Ep. 7

Fullmetal Alchemist Ep. 7: Night of the Chimera's Cry

Trigger Warning: I hit some pretty dark topics in these reflections, including murder

Sounds like Colonel Mustard is pretty pissed off about Ed's comment in the last episode about alchemists being the military's dogs.

"There's a serial killer around. He only targets women." Sounds like a case for... Fulmetal Alchemist: Buddy Cop! Cue perky theme song!

lol I think Alexander is telling Ed that he made the wrong decision in becoming a state alchemist. Also, why do they think that one of them needs to be a state alchemist to get their bodies back? Like... this just occurred to me. You can do alchemy without being part of the military forces. So they can keep researching and try to find an answer. I guess maybe they thought they would have more resources if one of them got certified? Which, quite frankly, is true.

Either that, or the dog is trying to prove that becoming a state alchemist hasn't changed Ed. Of course, he is twelve, and that is how twelve year olds behave (some to think of it, this would also be the reason for him being *very dramatic*)

I wonder if Mustang didn't want Al to pass because then he would have to admit that he recruited them after he did illegal alchemy, and he shouldn't have done that. Like... if the secret about why Al is in a suit of armor had come out then he would have gotten a demotion or something, since we know he's very concerned with heirarchy.

"He is a prodigy." "Hopefully, that's a blessing." It isn't always, is it?

Twelve year old boy excited about celebratory feast. Ed is so cute!

Nina is the best!

Tucker is the only one who knows just how horrific and dangerous making a talking chimera is, isn't he? And thus, he doesn't want to do it, but not doing it means he risks losing his certification. *sigh* Sometimes people just need to listen when the scientists say it's too dangerous *looks pointedly at Edward*

Wait... I thought Winry was their cousin for some reason... maybe I just misunderstood the usage of politeness terms. Okay, so Ed has a crush on Winry. That's cute.

"she told my dad he was a good for nothing alchemist and he couldn't do anything right and she went to live with her parents." Oh boy, the honesty of children. I was working with a group of 6 year olds like... ten years ago, when one asked the other why he didn't live with his mom, he calmly replied that her boyfriend had murdered her. Like... the honesty of children, holy shit.

Al stroking Nina's head is the cutest! Seriously!

This poor guy. Waaay too much pressure.

So Ed's going to try to make a talking chimera to help Tucker get his certification

Oh my gosh, new daddy is also the cutest.

"the human language." Is there only one?

"Why would he make such a miserable thing?" Well, he wasn't trying to make it miserable.

Hmm... Tucker's wife died before he got here? The thick plottens. I'm guessing his wife's death and the creation of the chimera are in some way related.

The serial killer may also be related

And probably this weird guy with the funny tattoo

Whoa. Poor Ed. Fangirl crack!

"I've had my suspicions about you two ever since I saw your bodies." Is this because you've tried something similar?

Okay, random interesting fact: the dubbing uses the word "king," but the subtitles use the word "fuhrer." I wonder why they chose that word. I also wonder who did the subtitles, since that's a pretty loaded word in English-dominant countries.

"Daddy, are you hurting?" Jeez, kids are so damn perceptive.

Oh. Ed's not interested in the chimera because he wants to help Tucker get his certification back. He's interested in the chimera because he thinks that Tucker's research could give him info on how to bring back their bodies (and/or their mom). He probably also thinks the chimera is still alive (which, let's admit, is probably true.)

Anndd... as always, this show turns out to more horrific than what I expect is coming. Turns out he has a whole roomful of chimeras in little cages. What has this guy been doing?

"Listen dear, that's your friend Edward." He sounds like he's talking to Nina. Did he use Nina's soul to make this thing? Like... is this chimera actually Nina? 15 mins. Calling it.

Or I guess it could be Alexander... or possibly Nina and Alexander combined. I mean, that's what a chimera is, isn't it? It's animals mixed together?

Nailed it! tv show-2, Me-3

Here, I think the subtitles did a better job than the dubbing. Because the chimera says "big brother," which is your oh shit moment.

Wow, I sympathized with Tucker until now. I mean... I knew that whatever he had done, he didn't want to do it again because he felt the sacrifice was too great. And it was hard to understand him sacrificing his daughter for his lifestyle, but on some level, I was like... well maybe he's just getting pushed so hard that he feels he has no choice... and then he starts laughing maniacally and telling Ed they're the same because they both used people. I mean, there is the question of why do we feel that Ed is different? And I guess it's because he used himself. I mean yes, it was Al who ended up attached to the suit, but you know that if Ed could have swapped that, he would have. He would have given himself for Al rather than what happened, and that's why he's got the I-am-Atlas complex. Because he feels guilt for using someone else instead of himself. It's like... a basic law of blood magic, isn't it? You don't use other people's blood (I mean, maybe... if they're consenting, but... that's a whole 'nother conversation.) Anyway, now this guy reminds me of those scientists who didn't talk to their own children to see if language was innate. Like... scientific study shouldn't bring us into the world of abuse. If it does, maybe it's better not to know.

And hear how Ed can't finish his own sentences? He's plagued with the question of why he did do it, of how much he is like this guy, of whether he will be consumed by his quest for knowledge and power. Assuming they continue this character arc, this is going to make for a nice show.

Oh my god, seeing Nina in this state is *devastating.*

WHy do I get the impression that Tucker is not actually going to face a court martial? And why is the military always willing to take scientific study to the place of abuse?

Huh. He's got a metal arm too.

Oh. Here's the dude with the tattoos. Is he the serial killer? And what's going to happen when these two meet?

So... he's killing people with his tattoos, but he doesn't know exactly how? And he's perhaps some type of angel of death? Trying to relieve people of their pain. Ooh. I want the serial killings from his POV now. It seems he doesn't even know exactly what he is, which might be why he's going what he's doing.

Ooh... He's interesting. I want to know more about him.

Cue overly-cheerful sounding credit music!

Okay, this show is getting really good.

Predictions:

Tattoo Guy will show up again (okay, that's a gimme)

Tattoo Guy will eventually come face to face with Ed, and probably try to kill him because he is an alchemist. Ed will survive. Tattoo guy will probably die... and somewhere in there we will get more backstory about just how he came to be.

Questions:

Why doesn't Ed need a transmutation circle?

What does "fullmetal alchemist" mean?

Will Tucker actually be court marshalled? (I doubt it)

Who is tattoo guy? And what happened to his arm?

#fullmetal alchemist #liveblog #first time watching

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