hrt story

I’ve been on HRT for 2 months now. It’s important to me to document what’s going on and maybe at the same time, talk about where I’ve been. For the sake of brevity, I’ll include the things I’ve since learnt/pieced together over time. cw/tw: medical trauma, intersex specific trauma, forced medical treatment, medical abuse, forced hrt, genital mention,

Tl;dr - I am intersex and was forced into HRT without my knowledge and I’m finally going back to who I was. At 26, I’m starting over with my body and it’s wonderful and scary and beautiful and painful and everything at once.  

When I was 18, my GP at the time did some blood work that included hormonal stuff. I have no idea why, I don’t remember complaining about anything, but he informed me that my results indicated that I had the “blood profile of someone with PCOS”. I very much didn’t know what that is, what that meant, or anything around this. I’ve since learnt this likely meant I had elevated testosterone in my results. I was then referred to a gynaecologist. Without discussing the weird and fucked up events surrounding the testing, the findings were never shared with me directly. The gynaecologist put me on a synthetic oestrogen to “fix my levels” and naturally, I trusted this doctor. I was being told something was wrong with me that needed to be changed, despite feeling fine. I was happy to be on birth control so I very much did not look into anything with more depth, not that I could really. I wouldn’t have known where to start. 

The last 6 years of my life have honestly been some of the hardest on me physically. My health has been progressively getting worse and finding a stable place has been really hard. I’m not there yet, not even close, but I’m closer than I have been for the last 6 years now. I was diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome a few years ago, along with Mast Cell Activation Syndrome. To summarise the relevant effects; EDS means I don’t produce as much collagen, causing thin skin and subluxations/dislocations in me, and MCAS means my mast cells, which control a whole lot of different reactions in the body, are hyperreactive. For me, that means I am hypersensitive to histamines/foods with histamines which causes allergies, inflammation, pain, throughout the body. Historically, this manifested in me mostly in my lungs for the most part but so many things have been added over time. 

Through all my time in online communities, I’ve learnt so much about my conditions. I’ve been utterly neglected since my diagnosis by the medical system so symptom management became my responsibility. I’ve learnt the ins and outs about the chemicals in my body, how different things feel, how it all interacts with me, and what I can be doing. I have learnt that oestrogen has an effect on your collagen. Whilst studies show that oestrogen can help collagen production, there is a significant amount of evidence that at elevated levels, subluxations/dislocations are more frequent. https://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT04055129

Fast forward to a few years ago, boom I’m trans and also in pain. So, 15th December 2022 I started HRT. I stopped the synthetic oestrogen immediately, started a progesterone only birth control, and began microdosing testosterone through testogel. The differences are truly mind blowing to me. Within a few days, my pain decreased significantly, my mind felt clearer like a veil had been lifted, my biologics (fortnightly injection for MCAS) work better, joints felt “tighter”. All I keep saying to myself is “I feel like I used to”. I’m back to who I was before being forced onto oestrogen. My subluxations/dislocations aren’t as frequent, though it’s harder to get joints back into place. My mental health is…different to say the least. I’m not like, no longer depressed but it’s changed from a confused and hazy depression to alert and aware. Trust me when I say for me, the latter is better. I no longer have painful orgasms, no longer have what felt like “too fast” orgasms that become painful spasms, I actually have my clitoris back which all but completely disappeared when I started the birth control back in the day. My skin everywhere just feels tighter, and whilst there’s barely any other visible changes (other than this tiny stache), I know those close to me can tell. Things are just a bit easier, just that little bit clearer. I’m not cured, I’m not able to get off meds or live my life very differently but to have this little bit of extra peace? It has literally saved my life. 

Where am I going with this? Not sure. Maybe something like, we know fuck all about hormones and people should be allowed to know about their own bodies a bit better than we currently do. I should have never gone through any of this. The last 8 years of this could’ve been avoided and there are things that I can't get back, nor repair. I am grieving and I am happy. I'm learning who I am again and it’s thrilling and stressful and awful and beautiful. 

Fam how can one be trans in the direction of their assigned sex? I'm not even trying to make the idea sound ridiculous or anything. I'm genuinely curious and want to understand. I thought the whole meaning of trans was that you feel or act in the opposite direction of your assigned sex; if you're transfem but you're afab then to me that's just cisgender??? But like please explain to me how that's not the case if that's what you and others strongly feel so I may grow my compassion

Context: [Link]

well ! while I personally am not intersex, I DO want to highlight intersex people first and foremost.

gender and sex are very Very complex, and I think generally people don't consider the way that being intersex can play a big role in that!

there are intersex people who are afab who are also trans women, there are intersex people who are amab who are trans men, there are intersex people with many Many different relationships with sex and gender and anywhere in between !

an afab person can be born with masculine sex characteristics and transition the way trans women often do. that person May identify as trans, they may not ! that trans person may not even consider themselves a woman depending on who they are and what they want !

I Do think there needs to be an effort to be aware of and make space for intersex people within the trans community, and really the wider queer community as a whole. as it's often something that's given a footnote without deeper thought into the ways that intersex people Actually interact with our communities.

which I don't blame people for not already knowing ! that's the whole point of trying to educate people in the first place ^^

.

and as for Myself

labels are, ultimately, a form of gender presentation. what you call yourself is an extension of not only how you see yourself, but how Other People perceive you.

I could call myself nonbinary or I could call myself trans masc, and both would be Accurate. but people have certain traits and expectations and associations when they see those labels. there are assumptions made about the kind of life that I live, the things that I want, the things I might experience, that change depending on which labels that I use.

and that's not Inherently a bad thing ! I mean, that's part of why people Like labels. but it Can be a struggle for people whose gender is Funny.

I could Also describe myself as genderqueer or multi-gender or genderfluid or gnc or-. I've tried on lots and lots of labels, and for the most part I haven't thrown any of them out, I just keep them in a box under my bed and take them out when relevant.

I've been wrestling with the feminine aspect of my identity for a very Very long time. I've been aware that I'm some level of trans masc. that part was easy. I want a deeper voice, I want things about my body to change, I don't want people to look at me and see a cis woman.

but I Also like femininity. I've found that after accepting myself as trans masc and slowly growing an environment where I am Perceived as masculine, I've started getting euphoria at presenting femininely in the Same way that I did (and do!) get about presenting masculinely.

but that feeling doesn't carry over when I'm perceived as a cis woman. it's Quite Uncomfortable for obvious gender reasons.

and while I may not know the exact Words that I'd use to describe it (as I've said, I've been chewing on it for Many years now), I've gotten a clearer idea of how I Feel.

I want to be Visibly trans. I want to be perceived masculinely And femininely. I want to transition masculinely to present femininely (and sometimes butch, sometimes like your dad at the ace hardware store, I contain multitudes).

and of course, figuring out what I have going on has involve a lot of exploration ! it's the same way I figured out the whole trans masc thing in the first place. seeking out other trans people and other Things About trans people feeling things out.

I find ! that I have a lot of shared experiences with transfeminine people. both in how I feel about certain things, some of the presentation that I want, and in how people would React To said presentation.

my femininity Is Trans, I don't relate to cis womanhood. but I Do relate to trans femininity. which is really awkward for me, because it's difficult to describe it to other people fjksldljkasfdjklfasd

(I don't personally consider myself a trans woman mind, but I'm certain there Are people who are trans men and trans women at the same time. gender is complicated, sex is complicated. labels are malleable and sometimes situational)

Could I describe myself with a different label? probably ! I've got lots of them. but when I Don't put emphasis on this aspect of myself people assume that it's not there. insist that it Couldn't be there, and I don't know what I'm talking about. and those people who Would act nasty towards me probably aren't gonna change their mind just because I changed my bio. but it feels Nice to assert that aspect of myself when other people are trying to tear it down.

.

part of me feels like I should post the intersex portion of this by itself, because people tend to engage more with shorter posts and there's nothing Short about my gender situation ljkfdasjkls

but ! I dunno, if this makes even one person understand the gray areas of gender and presentation a little more it'll be worth it.

thank you for taking the time to ask ! and especially for doing so kindly ! I do hope you'll see this

Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides

goodreads

Middlesex tells the breathtaking story of Calliope Stephanides, and three generations of the Greek-American Stephanides family, who travel from a tiny village overlooking Mount Olympus in Asia Minor to Prohibition-era Detroit, witnessing its glory days as the Motor City and the race riots of 1967 before moving out to the tree-lined streets of suburban Grosse Pointe, Michigan. To understand why Calliope is not like other girls, she has to uncover a guilty family secret, and the astonishing genetic history that turns Callie into Cal, one of the most audacious and wondrous narrators in contemporary fiction. Lyrical and thrilling, Middlesex is an exhilarating reinvention of the American epic.

Mod opinion: I've read this book for a college course on trans stories and I didn't really like it (the other book we read in its entirety for the course was stone butch blues though, so it had tough competition, but I really did not enjoy middlesex because it treats the intersex character horribly). Also note that this book is heavily criticised by intersex activist for its interphobia and fetishization of intersex bodies.

oughj virgins experimenting with each other

learning how to kiss with fumbling, groping hands, giggling into each others mouths

one accidentally grasping too hard at a sliver of exposed skin just to be met with the prettiest sound theyve ever heard

both embarrassed at finishing sooner than they expected, overstimming even though its way too much way too soon just so they can feel good together for a little while longer

can we know more about dave/dove and rose in your slenderstuck au please please i love them so bad

been thinking abt them recently so here’s their updated designs w little tidbits abt their characters, they’re like the world to me

Every time someone draws/writes pyro tf2 as a gay trans man, or a trans butch lesbian, or a nonbinary bi or pan or poly creature, or any of these plus being aro or ace, or being just aro/ace being the only queer part of their identity, or any mixture or combination of the above or any other queer label ive not yet mentioned, an angel gets its wings <3 hope this helps

Let's give it up for Hermaphroditus, the original intersex icon

Why isn't he talked about more he should be talked about more

MANI'S STORY (2002) dir. John Keir The life of intersex activist Mani Bruce Mitchell. Assigned male at birth, at the age of one they were taken off to specialists who reassigned them as female. Renamed Margaret, the rural New Zealand community where they lived held a meeting to discuss the decision and to encourage everyone to keep the family's secret. At eight, without explanation, they were given the surgery that "feminised" them. This documentary charts their discovery of the truth, choosing to own their sense of self as neither male nor female, and follows their journey to Milwaukee to present a paper with fellow activist David Vandertie. (link in title)

Can you make it's on own story on archive of our own? Name the story "Dusk till dawn! I MAKE YOU BE MINE" and can you make reader a photographer and make them gender neural (the normal verse)

All the detail i want:

-SCP 085 trying to persued reader to become a vampire like him when he going to die by SCP 298 music and reader act like "Why would I want to be pathetic like you?"

-Reader splash SCP 085 with cat urine and garlic juice and riding the back of SCP 682 and confused to why everyone say they behaved recklessly and a potential liability.

-Dr bright bet five grand that reader wouldn't be able to throw cat piss at SCP 083 and reader infact actually splash the liquid onto SCP-083.

-SCP 682 is asexual (He doesn't know what that mean) and he hated that he having very sexual thought about reader and that he wanted to breed them.

-Dr clef being overprotective of reader.

-Dr iceberg hatred for reader turnd into a lovesick obsesseon.

(Sorry for taking this very long to answer because I didn't know you already answer my ask)

Title: Obsessive Photo: Various Yandere SCP X Non-Binary Researcher Reader

Summary: Dr. (Name) (Last Name) is a Researcher at The Foundation. Once They take a bet with Dr. Kondraki against Dr. Bright that they could throw piss on a certain SCP. They knew how to win it with ease. This is the night their life began to change. And Maybe not for the better. With SCPS and Staff falling into obsessive love with this Researcher.

Find It On Archive Of Our Own:

here is the teaser but the rest will not be posted here!

TEASER:

(No One's POV)

(Name) was sitting in their office with Dr. Benjamin Kondraki when Dr. Jack Bright came into the two doctors' offices. (Name) was working on their camera and looked up at Jack they smiled.

"What are you doing here Bright man?" They ask Bright.

"I am here to give you a new case, SCP 83 wants to request you." He says.

(Name) frowns and snatches the files from Jack. "Why would he want me, I am not a woman." For a little personal info (Name) was intersex but identified as non-binary, they had both working parts though, and a small chest, which was held together with a sports bra with ease since they are so small.

"He must have heard something," Bright says. "So I have a bet for you."

"And what would that be?" (Name) asks raising one of their eyebrows.

"I bet you five grand and a date you cannot throw cat piss on him," Jack smirks. "You cannot do it, I get to go on a date with you, if you do, you get five grand."

"I will throw in five grand that (Name) can throw cat piss on him, if I lose you get 5 grand and If I win I get five grand." Kondraki butts in.

"Sounds good to me." (Name) says and stands up. "I expect to have my five grand by lunch, Bright."

They walk out and both of the two males glare at each other and go back to work.

[YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS here is the teaser I will also post the teaser and link to Archive of our own version on Tumblr! I hope you all enjoyed this and stay sexy, all of my sexy muffins!]

Read my pinned BEFORE you interact! 18+ only.

stalker who works in a wholesome lingerie shop and is surprised to see me in their store one day. they keep their distance at first because they've seen me walk away from businesses that are too quick to approach me. i take my time browsing a few different styles before really looking around. the place is charming and comforting to be in. i look their way sheepishly, and they begin in my direction, asking if i need anything. i ask where the fitting room is, holding up a few items. "i'm not sure what i want to get, just trying things on." while i'm in the dressing room, they quickly grab some of the pieces they've always wanted to see me wear. working with so many different people and brands, they actually know my size and fit better than i do. i feel a bit lost outside of my comfort zone and just want to feel pretty in something new. they ask if it's ok to help size me and try on something they think i'd like, and i accept. they seem very professional and their warm touch is so inviting. i was never shy about changing in front of others, but when they put me in a gorgeous mesh and lace outfit- well, i felt almost like i couldn't recognize myself. it was certainly a change of pace from the dainty lingerie i'd typically wear. but i didn't see myself buying something like that, not on this day at least. they helped me out of that set, and i could swear i saw them glancing at my body, but i put that idea out of my mind. they're just doing their job, and maybe i'm a little nervous because i was not expecting to be fitted by someone so close in age. as they helped me into the next outfit, i felt their face brush against my shoulder, and it seemed like they were smelling me... feeling a bit creeped out, i convinced myself i was just imagining things. they probably took a deep breath, tired from working all day. it's not like i was some special customer or anything, they just wanted me to try on more expensive clothes in the hopes i'd spend more money. i shouldn't even be doing this. it's not like i'm going to buy all these items. i feel a warm hand that has been lingering on my waist while i was caught up in my overthinking. i shift my weight to the side, away from their touch, and nervously ask if they think this style suits me? they look at my reflection in the mirror, up and down, with a sort of determined and quizzical gaze, before they answer. they ask if they could get something else for me to try on real quick, they don't want to keep me waiting long but they are feeling inspired and confident in the idea they have to see me in. they step out of the changing room, closing and locking the empty store without me knowing and returning shortly with another outfit. they bring in a gorgeous, pastel pink set, fully aware of how much i love pink. they help dress me, their fingers caressing my body as they adjust the straps and smooth things over. i stare at how amazing i look, not paying any attention to them ogling me. i step forward into the light, and they take a step back, watching as i turn and arch my back, groping my own body and feeling so good in this style. i briefly turn to ask what they think, with a smile on my face and not waiting for an answer. they step closer, telling me i look so pretty and anyone would be lucky to see me wearing this. a small thought about how much this must cost crosses my mind, but i try to ignore it for another moment.

READ MY PINNED before you interact! 18+ only.

here's my story: IGM victim

Hi my name is Bae and I'm intersex

tw//intersex genital mutilation

as a baby I went through something called IGM, intersex genital mutilation. they cut into our body while we were awake, and although I can't physically remember, bc we were a baby, the body still remembers. theres so many issues and so much trauma we have bc of it, it was very hard learning about this. it's been a rough year so far with processing it all. sometimes I get a type of flashback where I feel the stabbing and cutting, it's not fun. I can't get any type of needed medical things bc we can't have anyone near there. its hard living with trauma even when you don't know you have it.

if anyone would like to donate to us to help in this journey and help us afford to get the help we need to heal. I also sell custom art and will be selling different sets of things soon.

*please do not share this on other platforms without permission*

150 years ago, a boy was born to my great-great grandmother. And that was the last time that happened anywhere on my maternal line until my son was born in 2016. This is a story about intersex people.

For 150 years, the women of my family kept having daughters, who either also had daughters, or they were oddly unable to have children. Strange quirk, we assumed. No boys.

In the late 1970s, my mother’s sister had a daughter with Down Syndrome. Genetic testing was done, and it was discovered that although she looked female, she actually possessed the male XY chromosome combination. Her sister was born three years later. And because of that genetic concern, her genes were checked. And she possessed … the XY chromosomes. A third daughter, born a few years later, possessed the usual XX.

Keeping in the tradition, my mother had two daughters. Because of our cousins’ genetic conditions, my sister and I were both checked. Both of us appeared typically XX. And so for more than thirty years, it was dismissed as a quirk, and no one said the word intersex because that wasn’t a thing in 1980.

In 2016 I had a son, breaking the chain of girls. It was an interesting story! I then had two daughters, and didn’t bother to do any genetic checking.

And then in 2020 my sister became pregnant. Early genetic testing said boy, XY. Twenty week anatomy scan said girl. Definitely 100% girl. Uhhh?! As expected, she*** was born genetically male, possessing only male gonads in the form of undescended testes, but female external genitalia.

It was Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome, a genetic mutation carried on the X chromosome. See, all bodies start female. Then, when the hormonal influence of the Y chromosome kicks in, instructions on the X are supposed to detect the testosterone and create male genitalia. Except a person with AIS is non-reactive to testosterone, and the body stays, at least superficially, female. Genetic check would say boy. Presence of testes says boy. Pants check says girl. Making the question of sex (sex. Gender is something else, ok?) distinctly complicated.

If someone has a mother who is a carrier of AIS, there are 4 possibilities. Unaffected XY, and so genetically and structurally male. Affected XY, and so intersex. Affected XX, and so a female carrier. Unaffected XX female and entirely unaffected.

My grandmother was a carrier. My aunt and mother are carriers. My sister is a carrier. When my niece was born, my single non-intersex cousin and I did genetic testing. And we are both carriers as well. My son is an unaffected XY male. My niece is affected XY intersex. Both my cousin and I also have 2 daughters each. And, because it is medically and psychologically relevant, we had them tested. All XX.****

And I was ready to check one more thing: are my daughters carriers? There is a 50/50 chance. And then I stopped, because they are preschoolers, and that is their reproductive decision. They know three intersex people. And if they care, someday they can check their genes and the odds that my grandchildren will be intersex. The intersex people they know will, I hope, be able to talk to them about the beauty of their lives as one of the wonderful variations of humanity.

Arkyr the Royal Doctor!

I've finally designed them!

Archaics is taking an independent leap and breaking off from being an Undertale AU, and it is now it's own story (which will have a comic for it when it's rewritten).

Arkyr is the Royal Doctor, originally from a seperate kingdom (I forgot what it was called). Their kingdom included their family, which was the only of their unnamed species. They ran to the kingdom of Archaics when it was run by Coquet's (the king's) parents, when Coquet and Komoku were still toddlers. They came there because their kingdom was overthrown by a genocidal terrorist, and their family was murdered.

They are now the only one of their species, and if they interbreed, then they can make a version of their species and become less endangered..in a way (but it'd be some inter-species version, so it'd vary from theirs). So, basically, there will never be another one of their specific species in existence when they die.

Their species never recorded ages nor sexes, so they were all intersex. They only began breeding and such when they felt like adults (which was always correct, because their species didn't support p*dophilia nevertheless of not recording ages, and they had a natural ability to detect when they were of age).

Every single person born into their species can carry and birth and yada..so they all had the same er..thingy. So, don't ask. I'm not getting into this much, just know..They're intersex.

Also they're all born with a certain birth defect, which is why their family was too weak to not die. They, however, only had their hand deformed at birth..so they were better at defending themself.

Arkyr was welcomed by the kingdom of Archaics with open arms and almost raised right beside Coquet, and Komoku, until what happened with Komoku happened and she disappeared from the castle. But, when Arkyr grew up in a field of medicine and was appointed the Royal Doctor due to being close with the family, Coquet didn't treat them like they'd been raised together.

Instead more like just an acquaintance, mainly like a mere employee. Which is..kind of sucky but- yeah.

Arkyr still cares about Coquet though, and Coquet cares about them, but Coquet doesn't know how to show it-

Archaics is a shared story written with @oatsynalliums, go check em out!

representation in main characters is important for sure, but like!! representation in love interests is so valuable dude! like, seeing yourself through the eyes of someone who loves you? the colour of your skin, the idiocies of your mind. all the odd, ugly parts of you turned beautiful because someone loves you anyway. someone holds your hand and calls you beautiful. how is that not the most precious thing in the world!

the thing is my ocs all sound like completely ridiculous Mary Sues out of context but once you realize everyone has the exact same level of insane bullshit going on its like oh thank god someone normal (said about someone who has committed acts of terrorism, murder, and espionage before they were 26)

⚠️: GENERAL NUD!TY

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Physical Exams

Cade/Hiro, Brandon, Yosef

This is currently a wip ‼️