the tragedy in night and day doesn't lie in the accident because day doesn't blame night for the accident (not really, not in the way night blames himself). the tragedy in night and day lies in day having wanted night to be his big brother but feeling like he had to take on that roll for night instead and night having wanted day to be his little brother who is as proud of him as he is of day but being unable to figure out how to get there before the accident. the tragedy lies in day not understanding why night couldn't step up until after day went blind ('im just so damn lucky to be blind') and their mother and the world started treating him like a tragedy; leaving him feeling like night has always been jealous of him and is only stepping up to take the place of the golden son of the family now that it's up for grabs. the tragedy lies in night not being able to communicate to day that he was always proud of him and that him showing up to his sporting events only after day went blind isn't because day is blind now but because he has always loved him and supported him ('this is my little brother. he's a junior athlete on the national team') but now it's impossible to convince day of his sincerity and night can't forgive himself. the tragedy of night and day lies in these brother not having been given the time to naturally grow out of this crooked brotherly dynamic that was put upon them and now they're stuck under all this weight both unable to leave the night of the accident when they're around each other. the tragedy in night and day is that tomorrow isn't guaranteed and they are too stuck in the past to look at today.

Yoko Headcanons Pt 3. (this has been in my draft for a while)

Yoko isn’t a big romcom fan but Enid and Divina are so her and Wednesday end up watching them begrudgingly for their girls. That does NOT stop them from complaining though.

Wednesday: Yoko I can feel my brain cells deteriorating.

Yoko: Girl same im getting dumber watching this and I’m already the dumbest person here.

Unlike Enid, Divina helps Yoko study on her own and teaches Yoko little tricks to help her remember things in class. Enid usually just lets her copy.

Though Yoko acts very confident, she does have a lot of insecurities surrounding her intelligence because she’s never been really good at operating in a school setting. Things that don’t immediately capture her attention will often not keep her attention very long.

Yoko can sit and read Wednesday’s books for an hour straight squealing but she cannot take a math test for thirty minutes.

Yoko finds out Wednesday likes Enid (not that she didn’t already guess) because Viper so obviously has a crush on a new character that’s supposed to be Enid.

Enid and Yoko met in their freshmen year, Yoko tried flirting with Enid but Enid wasn’t really interested. Which is how they became best friends.

Young Yoko was a bit more of a menace and much more spoiled due to her wealthy upbringing. She absolutely thought she could have anyone she wanted and Enid was like “I’m not really attracted to you.”

Yoko: Not possible but OKAY.

Enid: Well do you want to be friends?

Yoko: This is literally the most embarrassing day of my life. Yes.

Enid and Yoko are literally inseparable. Yoko is an only child and Enid has only brothers. They’re literally so thankful for each other.

Because of her upbringing, Yoko has a lot of trouble showing and expressing negative emotions. Enid is like a sister to her and is always patient with Yoko when she needs time.

Yoko calls Divina princess, at first it was an insult because she’s stuck up and such, but it grew on both of them. Yoko is very affectionate with Divina when they’re alone, Divina loves it.

Divina: Get up. We have class.

Yoko: Come back to bed, princess. It’s cold.

Divina: Because you’re dead. Get up.

Yoko: You don’t love me.

Divina, rolling her eyes and climbing back into bed with her: You’re right. I hate you.

Yoko: Mhm. :)

Nobody in their right mind besides Enid would believe Yoko is so affectionate and loving because outwardly she is so against relationships and she kicks girls out as soon as they’re done. “I’d call you a cab but you live next door.”

Yoko is in fact only soft for Divina.

I raise you Yoko and Wednesday having a talk about being afraid of emotions.

I raise you Enid and Divina wondering if their girls actually like them because they have those kinds of insecurities and little do they know their girls would die for them without question.

I raise you Wednesday at first being jealous of Yoko until she realizes there couldn’t be anything to be jealous of because all Enid and Yoko do is argue.

Yoko, kicking the door down: Wednesday get your fucking girlfriend shes DOING IT AGAIN

Enid: Babe DONT LISTEN TO HER SHES LYING

Wednesday, sighing: Do you want this chapter done or not, Yoko?

Yoko: with ALL MY HEART MI AMOR

Enid: STOP FLIRTING WITH MY GIRLFRIEND FOR CHAPTERS

Yoko: STOP TELLING MY GIRLFRIEND WHEN I SKIP CLASS

Basically Wednesday was jealous up until she realized they’re basically siblings and they are trying to kill each other at least 90% of the time.

Divina had to win over Enid and Wednesday first. It was like asking for their daughter’s hand in marriage.

Wednesday: What are your intentions with our idiot?

Enid: I will skin you alive if you ever hurt her.

Wednesday: I’m so in love with you.

Thing, Yoko, and Enid have girls nights.

Yoko never liked Tyler either. “He just looks like a card board cut out.”

Yoko actually wants to become a movie director but not many people know that. Specifically horror movies.

Yoko was the kind of kid who would film her own movies on her phone.

Since Yoko has trouble expressing herself, her forms of love come in physical ways. Bumping Enid in the halls, playing with Divina’s fingers in class when she’s distracted, ect.

Wednesday and Yoko actually become amazing friends. They have a lot to bond over. Their love of horror, they both hate Tyler, they both have girlfriends who love them more than anything, they’re both bad at expressing emotions.

the power of self-talk in the fight against self-sabotage (for binge-eaters and ppl who have never been skinny🫶)

disclaimer: this is not proana. this is for people who struggle with binge eating as a form of self-sabotage, emotional comfort, self harm, etc. overeating can cause just as much harm physically and mentally as undereating. please be safe. now, on with the show!

weight loss, but specifically extreme weight loss, equals change. change equals discomfort, so people tend to subconsciously avoid change. this is why starting to see progress on the scale or your body can trigger the urge to self-sabotage that progress and binge eat.

for people who have been big their whole lives, that fear is heightened by the fact that being thin is completely uncharted territory. by following through, youre entering a new world that youve never navigated before. your brain might get scared, say its much too big a mountain to climb, and tell you to give up. its easier to say fuck it because for most people, unhappiness is a comfort zone. if youre used to hating your body and wanting it to change, then actually *changing* it poses a very serious threat to your comfort and the lifestyle youre used to.

questions like: "what if i reach my goal and im still unhappy/unattractive?" "what if i dont look like myself?" "what if i reach my goal, cant sustain it, and then i gain it all back and humiliate myself?" can all make someone feel anxious about succeeding in their weight loss journey. and for people with overeating issues, this is a big trigger for binge episodes.

so how do you combat this instinct to self sabotage? well, im not a psychologist so take this with a grain of salt, but for me it helps to soothe these subconscious fears and train the brain to fight these urges. self-talk and thought-correction play a HUGE role in rewiring the pathways in your brain that lead you to bingeing. truly, practice and consistency are the only things that are going to cause a big change, so stick with it !

correcting problematic thoughts *immediately* when they form is key to preventing problematic behavior in the future, and that starts with being able to identify those thoughts. the moment you catch yourself thinking about food, cut yourself off with a correction. maybe even think about food on purpose a few times to practice recognizing and correcting it.

for example, if you just ate an hour ago, chances are youre not actually hungry yet. tell yourself that as soon as you realize youre thinking about food. i like to tell myself "i dont need to eat, and im not gonna sabotage myself by eating that." by acknowledging it and calling it what it is--literally an attack, by my brain, on my own progress--i immediately attach a sense of accountability to the actions that follow. there's no deniability. its no longer a passive choice. theres no mindless eating or "i wasnt thinking about it." if i eat after acknowledging the act of eating as self-sabotage, then that is me *actively* choosing self-sabotage over self-control. accountability alone can change a lot if you let it.

what i tell myself changes depending on the situation, but i find that repeating some of these phrases throughout the day helps to fight urges in general, and certain ones help for specific cravings and situations.

below are some examples of things i tell myself that have helped me fight the urge to self sabotage. they dont all have to be true when you first say them, the point is training your brain to think a certain way. it may feel unnatural at first, but the more you say them the more natural it becomes, until eventually it becomes apart of the way you actually think and you dont have to work so hard at it. remember: consistency. is. key.

okay ill stop blabbing! here:

•i allow myself to be thin.

•i accept the change that comes with losing weight.

•i am ready to see myself differently and cope with any complicated feelings that may come with it.

•i am prepared for my body to change.

•i will deal with my wardrobe when the time comes, and im not afraid of dressing differently for my new body.

•i will adjust to my new dietary needs and appetite when i reach my goal weight. i will not always be hungry; eating less will be my new normal, and i will be okay.

•i am not afraid of being hungry.

•food does not comfort me, nor does it solve my problems or make me feel better.

•i am ready to navigate a life that looks different to the one im living now.

•i am not afraid of reaching my goal. if i do feel afraid, i am confident in my ability to work through difficult feelings and continue towards my goal.

•im not going to sabotage myself by eating that.

•i accept that people will perceive me differently, and i am ready to navigate that change.

•i am prepared to receive comments about my weight loss.

•i am not afraid of getting what i want.

•i believe i deserve what i want, and im dedicated to working towards getting it.

•i am capable of adapting to new routines and habits.

•fear is not a reason to give up, and i will continue to work even if the possibility of change makes me uneasy.

•i am prepared to face the future, even though i do not know what it looks like.

•i allow myself to make mistakes, and i will not use them as an excuse to quit.

•my long-term satisfaction is more important than what i want in this moment.

•i am in control of my actions and i am capable of resisting the urge to binge.

•i allow myself to have the body i desire.

•i allow myself to change.

•i allow my life to look different and i am not afraid to see a new person in the mirror.

•i am excited to reach my goal, and prepared to navigate any changes that come with it.

•i am ready to meet and introduce others to the new me.

𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐎 𝐎𝐁𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 ༄⋆✧`° I .⋆♧︎︎︎

these are based off people i know in real life, and yes before you ask - i barely know any of my friends birthcharts because im too cowardly to ask them for their birthtime

✧ cap rising tend to have a really weird sense of humour but it's rlly hilarious & they also come off very cold to people

✧ gemini venus are actually so nice, it's not funny. they're so sweet and they remember the little details about you <3

✧ scorpio suns is the "quirkiest" placement to have, yall are just so weird deep down it ain't funny 😧

✧ libra moons, it's okay to communicate ur feelings :( also i swear everyone of them go through a really bitchy phase where no one really likes them but that's just cause they're changing frequently

✧ cancer moons i love you, you're doing amazing

✧ virgo saturns stop being so fucking anxious (coming from a virgo saturn)

✧ aries mars i love ur passion for things but in all seriousness there's no need to escalate your emotions like it's the end of the world 😃

✧ leo moons you'll get ur attention soon babes, i love you so much. you deserve the world <3

✧ unpopular opinion but aries men or men with aries placements are the hottest people when angry. they tend to have really good back muscles fr

✧ virgo men are control freaks. periodt.

✧ cancer rising/cancer venus women UGH YOUR AMAZING I WANT TO GIVE YOU A BIG SMOOCH 😩

✧ taurus venus give me a hug. please.

✧ taurus suns why are yall sO POLIETE. YOU ARE SO FUCKING AMAZING I LOVE YOU

✧ scorpio mars how does it feel to seduce everyone

✧ leo risings i know you don't like the spotlight, but you can't help it (leo rising here)

✧ scorpio lilith, hello you little s3x freak?

.·⋆✧°༄ ━━ ➵༄⋆✧`°.⋆♧︎︎︎ 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑

✧ people with their kiss asteroid (8267) in aries. yall gonna be full of passion or what

✧ on the otherhand i feel like 8267 in libra would be the best kissers. idk why.

✧ 3H dominants, how does it feel to be called "talkative" in a negative way :(

✧ 2H dominants, calm down, please. rest. you need it <3

✧ people with pisces/neptune dominants, please be aware there's a high chance of addiction (coming from a pisces dominant suffering from caffeine addiction)

✧ sun in 1H, how does it feel to basically be better then everyone 😁💢

minisvle© 2022, do not steal or copyright.

i hope this isnt very out of the blue—it’s just that these two have been rotating in my head for days (though tbh when have they stopped but anw), in your opinions, how do you think bruce and dick’s relationship can be healthy(ier)? like, ignoring the whole “the nature of comic demands them to always be unhealthy for conflicts/dramas’ sake”, (how) do you think they can move forward from all the bad things that have happened between them (especially if one counts spyral into it)?

i am also constantly rotating them and throwing them into rat mazes! endlessly entertaining.

my answer to this question is actually my ongoing series earth-w1 or: It's all part of the fairy tale. (see what I did there?) it's my fix-it AU set a year(?) after Spyral where Bruce and Dick get together. their relationship is very much a work in progress and messy but they are trying their best! hopefully I'll get the time to write the whole character arcs I have in mind for them.

so if we're talking comics Bruce and Dick? and we're not cherry picking the worst moments and dysfunction out? whether platonic, familial, or romantic, their relationship is deeply codependent. they need to grow as individuals before their relationship can be healthy.

they're great at ignoring their past conflicts and forgiving each other (without communicating that), because they always come back to nearly unconditional trust and love for each other. they don't need to open up old wounds between them, but they should. this is how comics deal with their issues—sweeping them under the rug, *maybe* with a few panels of communication where Bruce indirectly apologizes and Dick dismisses his need to apologize.

that's not actually good in the long run, and gives us situations like Dick coming back from Spyral with a cheery "family is everything!" smile, a character dissonance that *I* explain by Dick's desperate "Im okay" maladaptive coping mechanism.

anyway.

this is how to improve their relationship on the surface:

1. they realize that they both want each other around, and then actually spend lots of time together.

2. Dick helps call Bruce out on bullshit and helps improve his relationships. Dick soothes Bruce's emotional dysfunction by being a constant of unconditional love.

3. Bruce reassures Dick of his place in his life and the family, soothing Dick's anxiety about belonging.

4. the foundations of dysfunction in their relationship remain, so as soon as there's a crisis they fall into the same patterns as before, causing strain in their other relationships. Bruce can't be out of control or have Dick nearly-die without losing it. Dick drops everything to emotionally rescue him. Dick doesn't allow others to care for him.

this is how to improve their relationship deeply:

1. Bruce becomes brave enough to let Dick in past his armor, and shares and processes his childhood trauma. he recontextualizes what Batman is.

2. Dick accepts that he is worthy of love himself, and allows himself to be imperfect.

3. they actually spend time together.

4. Bruce makes a genuine effort to make amends for his past actions, regardless of the outcome. most importantly, Jason, whose death fundamentally changed Bruce. I dont think Jason needs to forgive Bruce or even give him the time of day, but Bruce must try and *not punish anyone if it doesnt go how he wants*.

probably the way to do this is to give both Bruce and Dick serious mental breakdowns. and maybe semi-retire them. I imagine them mellowing out a lot more when they're older and retired from vigilantism.

you can make their relationship and characters more, or less, fucked up but I believe the recipe still stands because Bruce's protective control and Dick's perfectionist caregiving are core dysfunctions for their characters.

lister bird solo album

IT IS VERY REAL TO ME LETS TALK ABOUT THIS !!! pls be aware im not the best with my music terms, im what you may call a poser or whatever.

during their hiatus when lister is struggling with everything thats happened to him, both in his childhood and with the band. he's given the typical advice from his therapist to write stuff down. at first he thinks it's dumb, but he gets himself a nice leather journal and starts writing anything that comes to mind. long winded rants about things he feels are unfair, talks of shows he's watched, comics he's read, games he's played, and also the odd few pages of lyrics he's written. he starts to really enjoy song writing, and with time he starts to hyper-fixate on his writing and begins composing different melodies along with it.

both rowan and jimmy here him working on it late at night sometimes. rowan is the one who starts telling him he has the skill to turn his work into an album, even if it's just for him and no one else.

drums are still his favourite, always will be, but he sharpens his guitar skills too. its good distraction for him when he needs something to do, as it's something new and not automatic for him. he really has to focus on what he's doing, which takes him away from his own thoughts for a while.

singing is the opposite, he sings when he needs to let himself feel everything in the moment; process it, let himself cry a bit. unlike the arks music, the words are harder to sing along to because it's all written from his own experience. with the lyrics he's written for the band, as much as he's in love with jimmy's voice, hearing the words that are supposed to represent himself from someone else's voice feels wrong, so everything he's written there has been more of a concept. these words are actually his own. it's probably the most accurate representation of his thought process. as he signs, the tone of his voice fluctuates a lot. he goes from softly spoken whispers to harsh words spilling through a clenched jaw.

he produces the entire thing himself. lyrics, voice, guitar, percussion. it's all his own work and he's rightfully proud of himself. and he should be because it sounds beautiful, even with the little imperfections throughout it. he still struggles with everything he's written about, it's not as if it magically fixed him. but it helped him lots, he really feels like he's doing good for himself. in a musical sense, i feel like it would sound like a mix of fires fading into black (holden laurence) and your city gave me asthma (wilbur soot). laurence makes me think of how he'd play, it's quite soft, makes me feel warm. but wilbur makes be think of how his voice might sound, you can really hear the raw emotion in each line. (like that one loosing face demo.) thematically, it would have an overall theme of the loneliness he has felt for years, emotionally isolated from everyone around him. the songs explore different parts of what he's struggled with. unrequited love, uncomfortable conversations, his addiction, pressure put onto him by everyone, his childhood, his assault, the river.

he doesn't publicise it for a long while, not sure if he wants so people to know about this part of him. when he does, he doesn't announce it anywhere, but the fans find it soon enough. a new youtube channel under his name with just one, 27 minuet long video, with a sweet note in the video description, little words of motivation for who ever cared enough to read it. people freak the fuck out, but he just lets them, for a while, it's funny to watch. first the freak out because 'omfg content theres content guys' the 'omg is he leaving the ark what the hell !!!!' but the feedback is overwhelmingly positive. what he doesn't expect though, it people wishing him well and hoping he's okay, as well as people going through similar things saying how comforting it is for someone they look up too let them know their not alone. its the first time he feels a slight connection to the strangers that form his fanbase, in a way, it makes him feel less alone too.

jimmy listens to it himself for the first time, he'd never asked much about it as he knew it was personal. it's the first time he cries over music in a long time. lister sings of things he'd never spoken of to either himself or rowan, while he had a vague idea of some of them, he never knew how much these things really do effect him. after staring at his ceiling for a while to recover, jimmy finds himself in listers room, hugging him tightly. he tells him that hes proud of him, not just for the album, but just for facing everything and still being with them.

Gon X Reader !

No tw !! - May add some kissing on the cheek (only once):D

Gon was leaning again your shoulder as he waited for killua to be done with his fight, well. It’ll end very soon, like really soon but.. he just wanted to be close to you, he doesn’t know why himself but he just does! But you did let him be close to you so.. that must be okay to be close to you right? But anyways, he watched killua win which made him smile and moved up as he started to clap for killua and you did too!

He ended up spending the day either fighting or watching the fighting, mostly killua’s and yours! It was fun to see you fighting and he loved the way you fought and and-, well. Just liked the way you carried yourself! It was nice, and cool! At least he found it was cool.. and Gon wanted you to see him as cool but he was oblivious to the fact that you already did and that meant he liked you in a.. not sort of a friend way. But! Anyways, Gon and killua met up with you in your hotel room after your fight, Gon didn’t understand why you were hiding in the bathroom but didn’t question it until you walked out with some bandages on your arms, he looked at you concerned as you said and i quote.

“It’s from the battle, they were pretty bad since he knew nen and… he sorta burned my arms..”

You explained as you got on the bed, trying to go as gentle as you possibly can as you continued talking to killua and gon. Killua didn’t wanna question you as he already knew that you weren’t lying but gon was still concerned, after all! burning?! That still gotta hurt at least! After Killua said he was going to head to bed for the night in his hotel room, gon stayed back to stay with you which killua gagged at as he thought gon was about to say something love-dovey at least! But in reality, gon checked on your arms and kept saying

“I just care about you, you know? I didn’t even notice that he was burning your arms!”

“Neither did i actually..”

You said as you winced in pain, gon dugged his finger into the bandages. You couldnt blame him as you already know that he didn’t know what the fuck he was doing. But he was trying, at least!! So you could try to help him learn any way as he kept checking before he noticed he was close to you. You didn’t even notice that! He smiled before getting off the bed, not thinking anything of it as you were blushing and Gon went to find something cold in your mini fridge that was left in the hotel room, he found one ice pack which could do at least. Gon put it on one of your bandages then unwrapped them to put the ice pack under the bandages and rewrapped it, maybe he knew a bit?? Gon kept talking about his day with killua and how cool killua was fighting, he sounded excited as he stopped and kept talking. You were listening to every single word, as you already knew this but you liked it when gon spoke, and you did like it when killua spoke but not the way you liked it when gon spoke.. You didnt know why really! You liked killua and gon as friends, you should like it when killua spoke the same as gons but- you didnt.. it’s just weird honestly.

“You know, if you ever need someone to talk to gon, im here! So is killua.”

“Eh? Why are you saying this?”

“Oh shush, i just. Sometimes you’re out of your emotions and sometimes you don’t even think with your head so. Why not just say that?”

“But, Why noww?”

“Gon, you shut up and say thank you.”

“Thank you, thank you a lot.”

Gon giggled before saying that. It warmed your heart to see him smile, his own smile was so confident, so filled with light, so filled with love. Everything sweet honestly, you wonder how did you get so even lucky to be friends with him and killua! Someone who’s so happy and someone who’s so cool, and being friends with them both?! You always felt lucky. Being friends with killua and gon did come with some weird things like, killua being a Zoldyck and you and gon and kurapika anddd leorio having to get him out of the zoldyck manison and. Gon being absolutely reckless which.. you can’t say much since killua and kurapika called you both reckless but still, he was even more reckless than you! And that has to say something at least since you even find yourself pretty reckless!

Gon was getting ready to go and that i meant is him getting his bag and already being ready but he was still talking to you which you didn’t even mind afterall, it was nice hearing him talk! Of course it was. As you were saying bye, you felt to do something bold and so. You gave gon a kiss on the cheek and said bye and closed the door as fast as you possibly can. You were blushing alot and walked to your bed, being slightly embarrassed as Gon smiled happily and went back to his hotel room. He didn’t think much of it really, well he did but he only thought that you were being sweet as a thank you and he made sure to give you a kiss on the cheek back too as he didn’t wanna leave you alone without giving it but you already shutted the door.. but he already got dressed for bed and bathed as well since that was already his usual, mean-while you were already fast sleep. Literally, after showering before gon and killua got in your hotel room and getting dressed as you put your Bandages on. You didn’t have much to do besides sleep now! Which made you pretty happy as you got to sleep after a long but great day!

ANDD done, ik its short but like- i actually dont know what To usually do for gon if im honest😭 but im already done with this and probably gonna do a part two bc it’s fun writing cute stuff!!! I love it so much bro, and i love writing for gon:D im happy abt this tbh, It’s cute and at least sweet!! Got a lot more stuff for yall so get ready<3 mwah!! Love you butterflies!!

— Akira Logging Offf !!

IM asking you to ramble about bg3 au and autism blast everywhere. and makeout and how sexy and funny you are.

I love you both so much our wedding is coming soon

Anyway OK listen. Listen to me okay Bg3 refers to baldurs gate 3 and for all you need to know it's a dnd video game where the characters get infected with literal brain worms which should have turned them into murderous cultists, but somehow they got spared that fate, and come together to get rid of their brain worms

The party is made of

Grian: a gnome druid whose preferred wild shape is a bird and who might have some hidden aasimar origins because Grian HAS to be God's favorite princess all the time

Scar: an elf ranger who was torn away from his family when he was kidnapped by illithids, and whose closest bro Cub (a warlock who's made a pact with archfaes) was also infected but sadly was turned into a cultist. Scar is desperately looking for him.

Scott: a tiefling bard/sorcerer who does most of the group's talking with npcs both due to his travels making him the more knowledgeable of the group about the region but also because as a bard you can do wild shit like just convince really powerful entities to just kill themselves for fun and that's a very Scott thing to do

Mumbo: a half drow artificer who tbh is the most normal of the group (as far as everyone knows anyway)

Jimmy: half aarakocra (bird :D) vampire cringefail rogue who. Well yeah he's a stand in for astarion me and my friend just wanted a cringefail vampire with negative charisma ok

Joel: A half elf barbarian who has a little secret. The secret is that he's a murderous bastard. But like in the most literal sense of the word

Joel's role specifically has me so mentally ill. Okay. So like. You need a teensy bit of lore for this ok and this will include spoilers for baldy gate 3 if the 2.5 people who read this far intend to play the viddy game well stop reading but still kiss me on the mouth.

So the Lore has many gods and the gods are just real tangible all powerful beings. Much like with Greek mythos, you following a specific god isn't because you only believe in that God, but because you're most devoted to them. Well that's how I see it anyway. And there are three gods associated with death and evil (it's more complicated than that in my hc but we don't have time). One of them is Bhaal. And Bhaal, get this, is the most metal fucking fictional god I've seen because he's the god of MURDER.

Something something he had to give birth to people called Bhaalspawn for some reason who are his direct children and carry a piece of him within them or something (Bg/dnd superfans don't come at me) and it's all part of his grand plan to take over the world. WHATEVER

But Joel IS a bhaalspawn. And he was Bhaal's specialest most favorite bhaalspawn. And now, okay, the thing about bhaalspawns is that they're not actually inherently evil, but they do carry that part of Bhaal within them - his will, and his potential for power. Some Bhaalspawn are raised specifically to be daddy's best little murderers and of course that's how Joel was brought up.

He was examplary because he was trained to be. He was capable of some of the most rancid bloodshed because it was what he was taught, and rewarded for. He was created to be murder incarnate, so any other emotions (love, empathy, etc) were shunned until Joel was either incapable of it, or refused to show it.

Except something happened. He got betrayed, usurped, and infected with the aforementioned brainworms which led to his memory loss. What did remain, even as he escaped the ship keeping him captive, even as he joined up with other infected survivors, was... A primal need. Like it was coded in his DNA, like it was in his blood itself: he had a need to kill. Not just kill, but spread misery, spread pain, and acquire power at any cost. He mostly unleashes those urges onto his enemies, but it never feels like enough. Like a scratch he can't quite itch. Of course, that's all Bhaal trying to reel him back in, Bhaal trying to reclaim him.

But like clockwork - because such ingrained training doesn't go away no matter how much one thinks they forgot - he finds himself relishing in it. In the violence of it all. The only time he feels truly alive is when he's covered in blood and gut.

... That is, until he finds himself growing closer and closer to Jimmy. After a night where Jimmy, desperately trying to hide his very obvious identity as a vampire but also desperately hungry, tries to feed off of Joel, and reveals his secret... Well, Joel had all rights to kill him right then and there. He reasons that there's no fun in killing someone so helpless but in truth there's something a bit charming about Jimmy. He's earnest, and he's just so... Not exactly innocent, but also sort of? He gives Joel to urge to protect him. To hold him so tight and close as to choke him. But in a sweet way. Probably.

Joel won't be able to put it into words for a long while yet, half because he refuses to let himself feel such things because he's so horrifically repressed. He was the only one at camp who didn't even guess Jimmy was a vampire before the big reveal because he's got negative int and wis (his strategy in battle is just hit things hard before they can hit you and honestly it works most of the time) so he'd just never noticed the obvious signs. Anyway. Because his blood is the tastiest and somehow he's one of the companions who acts the least weird about it, which really says a lot, Jimmy ends up mostly feeding off of him. And, well, something about letting your homie regularly suck blood out of your neck is bound to lead to something more. Joel becomes a bit possessive of his little birdie.

When Joel learns that he's Bhaal's special little princess, in truth he's fucking elated, because he spends weeks torturing himself in an attempt to remember who he is, what he's doing, what's wrong with him - and he's finally afforded answers. He leans fully into it. He's so happy to serve his God with bloodshed.

Until he's faced with him. With Bhaal. And after Joel committed countless atrocities (which the rest of their group didn't mind that much as lokgi as they stayed in the clear. They're all bad people) bhaal asks him to shed one last bit of blood before receiving his blessing, before becoming his chosen, he who will enact the murder God's plans. He needs to get rid of his pesky earthly desires and affections. They have no place within murder incarnate. He asks Joel to flat out kill Jimmy or die right here and then.

You'd think Joel would hesitate with how intensely pro-Bhaal he is. You'd think it would be a difficult decision. Jimmy would have thought too. Except that Joel's response is instant and intense. He tells Bhaal to go literally fuck himself, that he'd rather kill every last Bhaalspawn and make sure his bloodline ends with him, rather than lay a finger on Jimmy. Jimmy, whose helped his heavy heart feel so light and free. Jimmy, who makes him feel true warmth. Jimmy, who makes Joel want to appreciate every sunset, every breeze, every breath of fresh air. Jimmy, who treats Joel as so much more than a bloodthirsty beast.

Joel never thought he would want to be anything more than a bloodthirsty beast.

So of course Bhaal kills him because he's literally a god. Right in front of Jimmy. (there's plot and dnd magic that brings him back but it's definitely the culmination of his arc; that Joel, groomed to become murder incarnate, was given an opportunity to find another meaning to his life)

Also they have CRAZY sex

Okay hello again i just remembered i made this concept :((

Osamu with a a ghost reader he meets at the cemetery Odasaku's at.

Like one day there just happens to be a new grave and poof, suddenly this ghost wont leave him alone. Like they will CLING onto dazai, even if their body is like really fucking cold and uncomfortable. And dazai, kinda enjoys.

Like cmon we know much dazai has a hard time connecting with people emotional hecantreallydoitoften..

So like imagine ghost!reader sitting on his lap while they rant about whatever topic they have a slight interest in, and they're like talking as if Oda is there with him and like,"people are so reckless i hate how some people just release bunnies and chicks they buy as "gifts" for easter into the wild, its just irresponsible, right Oda?" And theyd be nodding and continuing, and jt just warms Dazais heart.

I imagine ghost!reader to be very optimistic qnd childesh to make the pain of spending all of eternity as a being cursed to roam death.

But one day they just break, and Dazai'a there to catch them.

Dazai comforts them and does whatever they can to help ghost!reader feel a lottle better.

Also it can he totally platonic too??? Or a little like dazai sort kf feels like a guardian to them..? Okay sorry the daddy issues cane out.

I love how my irl coping mechanism is hyperindependence and as soon as bsd men come im like "mmm princess treatment give"

Anway, i really need a hug from the zaza 😔

🪴

this is so cute and unique i love this concept 🥺🥺🥺 the sitting on his lap while they talk to oda im gonna cry fkjdskdjkdsl dazai trying to join in the coversation that he can obvi only hear one side of and reader just rolling their eyes and laughing with oda because dazai "just doesn't get it." i like to imagine dazai comes by and tells reader all these stories from the agency and just his general life bc they basically just live vicariously through him and they love to hear and remember what it's like to be alive. he'll also tell them all about what oda was like in the past and lots of memories they share, and reader being like "oh yeah oda already told me that one. he said you'd end up lying abt that" or something dflkkjdfkjl they're sooo clingy to him even tho like you said it's probably cold and an uncomfortable feeling for dazai and he would wear extra layers but reader has complained they don't feel as close to him that way, and they really miss human contact. and dazai is too endeared to say no to them, so he just holds them and kisses their cheek. i think this would be really cute as a platonic thing 🥺 it probably starts out at first as just a way for him to have a connection with oda, but he starts forming a genuine individual connection with reader. dazai is a pretty nihilistic/pessimistic guy so he probably would have a weird approach of comforting them, but it works well. he'll joke about how he's jealous of them for being dead, and promises that he'll make sure he's buried next to the two of them so they'll be together even in his death. and who knows maybe it does turn into something a little romantic, but idk how that would work askdjjfdk storytime: my lover is a ghost

About me!

Hey! Call me Kiki or Amaryllis! I mainly scream about animation and cartoons here! :D ☆ Status:

look im gonna do what’s called a Pro Gamer move

*projects all my emotions and worries and mannerisms onto fictional characters*

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⋆｡° ✩ More info ✩ °｡⋆

Fandoms: (Bolded + Italicised are the one's I am screaming and crying over right now) Amphibia ✮ The Owl House ✮ Svtfoe ✮ Gravity Falls ✮ Miraculous Ladybug ✮ The Dragon Prince ✮ She-Ra (Reboot) ✮ Ducktales (Reboot) ✮ Pokemon ✮ Over the Garden Wall ✮ Infinity Train ✮ Glitch Techs ✮ Kipo and the Age of the Wonderbeasts ✮ Phineas and Ferb ✮ Milo Murphy's Law ✮ MLP ✮ Warrior Cats ✮ Your Name ✮ Weathering with You ✮ Suzume ✮ HTTYD ✮ Your Lie In April ✮ Exu ✮ Critical Role c3 ✮ Wolfwalkers ✮ Aggretsuko ✮ Genshin Impact ✮ Honkai Star Rail ✮ Animal Crossing ✮ Neko Atsume ✮ Spiderverse ✮ Murder Drones ✮ Nisekoi ✮ Nimona ✮ Zootopia ✮ Sonic Franchise ✮ Littlest Pet Shop ✮ Keeper of the Lost Cities ✮ Tamako Love Story ✮ Spy x family ✮ Percy Jackson and the Olympians ✮ One Stormy Night ✮

The Blorbos ever!!! Marcy Wu ✦ Star Butterfly ✦ Fluttershy ✦ Starlight Glimmer ✦ Cinnamoroll ✦ Willow Park ✦ Miko Kubota ✦ Jesse Cosay ✦ Lake ✦ Hazel ✦ Rayla ✦ Marinette Dupain Cheng ✦ Adrien Agreste ✦ Robyn Goodfellowe ✦ Mebh Óg MacTíre ✦ Leafpool ✦ Hollyleaf ✦ Yae Miko ✦ Sucrose ✦ Lady ✦ Webby Vanderquack ✦ Della Duck ✦ Fearne Calloway ✦ Goldie ✦ Gwen Stacy ✦ Serial Designation N ✦ Chitoge Kirisaki ✦ Miles "Tails" Prower ✦ Amy Rose ✦ Zoe Trent ✦ Penny Ling ✦ Coco Pommel ✦ March 7th ✦ Bailu ✦ Huohuo ✦ Anya Froyer ✦ Mabel Pines ✦ Dipper Pines ✦ Pacifica Northwest ✦ Mei ✦

Socials: AO3 ✧ Amarylily YT ✧ Amaryllis Spotify ✧ Kikithefox Amphibia Sideblog ✧ brb-crying-over-amphibia ML Sideblog ✧ chaton-et-buguinette Svtfoe incorrect quotes blog ✧ incorrectstarvs Hubris Bracket Blog ✧ hubrisbracket

Tags I Track: #fav - favorite posts/posts I want to find later #my stuff #kiki stuff - both used for tracking my original content #kiki rambles - for stuff where I talk a lot in the notes #tagged - for tracking stuff I'm tagged in #Important!!! - important posts #funnies - posts that made me laugh #ive been personally attacked - what it says on the tin lol #thanks for asking! - for asks answered by me #thanks for answering! - for asks sent by me #bee bestie <3 - starting to use this tag for posts where I'm tagged by @mell0bee or mention bee bc there's so much and I wanna save them 🥺 Ultimate fav posts! ✪ Amphibia Trio Playlists ✪ Amity’s TRUE Hair Color!!1!1! ✪ PARTNER IN CRINGE!!! ✪ One of the most insane posts on this website (affectionate) ✪ HE'S SO CUTE SHUT UUUUP (picture of Georgia) ✪ Follow your dreams ✪ Leafpool request (spoiler: got kissed on the forehead 🥺🥺🥺) ✪ Princess Joe (of USA) ✪ "i appreciate the (extremely cursed) bee bee." ✪ polyamorous power move ✪ happy robotnik slaughter saturday everybody ✪ IT FINALLY MAKES SENSE TO ME ✪ it's okay fish. don't let this get you down. you are all of you. ✪ AROACE AND TRANS SONIC REAL?????? (NOT CLICKBAIT) ✪ Everything is canon. ✪ cant be mentally ill in PEACE!!! *sobs* ✪ last book that made you cry ✪ disney romcom (on a VERY evil and fucked up train) ✪ LGBT bar so good it made someone gay <3 good for them <3 ✪ POLY PLS ✪ Happy birthday Grimace! *fuckin dies* ✪ y’all are always finding new ways to make fossils fuels. ✪ ✪ ✪ ✪ ✪ ✪ ✪ ✪ (updating soon!)

Likes and Dislikes! ♡ Tea ♡ one-liners that cause me to break down immediately ♡ Extremely specific aus catered to me directly ♡ amvs ♡ Alt/indie music ✘ Confrontation ✘ Heavy gore ✘ Waking up early ✘ Horror movies ✘ Fermented Black Beans

Personal: ✿ I get socially anxious easily so I will try my best to communicate how I feel but just fyi in case! ✿ My memory is horrible so feel free to remind me of something if needed! ✿ I have ADHD so please be nice :’) I’m trying my best

Extras: ❀ I don't mind being tagged in things if we are mutuals! If you're not sure just ask me in advance! ❀ feel free to ask for me to use tone tags or tag trigger warnings for posts! If you'd like me to ID a post let me know! ❀ spam liking/reblogging is welcome! ^^ ❀ feel free to ask my a question! I am not guaranteed to answer it if I feel uncomfortable with it, however! ❀ fun fact: this URL is my animal jam username from ages ago lol

❀ I got called a donut once???

DNI List Please don't interact with me if you post: -nsfw -heavy gore -do not tag triggers -cp -extreme horror

⋆｡˚ credits: purple city divider ⟡ moon dividers

hey guys can i admit an insecurity slash issue that's actually sorta crushing me but i cant shake it no matter how hard i try. it's under a cut so you can scroll past it, idk if this would be considered vent-y or not but i gotta say something somewhere n it's also my blog and i post whatever i want on it. though i do talk abt my ex and the emotional/mental abuse i was put through. so be warned.

keep in mind it's 4am when im writing this

okay so my boyfriend-slash-prospective-husband is going to university soon. he doesn't want to.

now i am consumed with this overwhelming dread, overwhelming terror, that this is the end for our relationship. sounds pretty silly huh. why should i be so panicked about a simple fact of life that some of us might decide to tackle through our lifetimes. so why be so upset about it?

HOWEVER. my head is severely screwed up.

my ex happened to be extremely emotionally manipulative/abusive and the damage that they've caused rears its ugly head here more than anything else. i am terrified, and i mean deeply so, of my boyfriend becoming too busy for me and forgetting about me and dragging me through an absolutely vicious period of neglect (which is what my ex did, and punctuated it by confessing to me that they never loved me to begin with and that our entire bond was a lie among other things SUCH AS successfully manipulating an entire group of people against me in order to hurt me, and demanding i stay silent about how i was treated among other things but that's a story for much later when I'm more ready to tell it)

now i know, logically, that that isn't going to happen. my boyfriend genuinely loves me even if my trauma wants to grab me by the throat and spit in my face about otherwise in the voice of my ex. i know he loves me, i know he will keep up with me as i will with him. hell we have no reason not to. he's given me the strongest sense of stability and love i haven't had since my ex had me believing they actually wanted me.

and my perception of love and my relationship with love is very, very broken as a result of the life I've lived and the fucking shitstain that was my ex. so it's scary to put so much trust in someone and so much love in someone despite my raging terror that it will all explode back in my face.

heartache is part of life and pain is part of life but when you've experienced it so much you want to get out of it and when you're this fucked up the releases from this pain are just as scary as the reasons you're in so much agony.

I am eternally grateful that my love is so patient with me. he doesn't judge me, or wish to hurt me, and it's like we grow closer and closer every single day. i am so in love with him that sometimes it feels like a physical pain in my chest and like every wound i have is healed or at least numbed. when we met there was love in his eyes, and i felt that it was real and true. which i cant say about my ex when we met last year and they essentially treated me and my mom like fucking maids and had a bitchfit when we called them out LMAO

my sister would psychoanalyze me, say that my lack of personal stability is going to drive my boyfriend away. that I'm setting our relationship up to fail, etc etc etc, a self-fulfilling prophecy. i disagree but only on the grounds that i need to heal into love rather than separate from it and that my boyfriend is just the stability i need while he lays my aching heart to rest and helps me heal. i dont trust, because of how my ex manipulated me, so having things proven with time is just what I need and just what my boyfriend is providing. I'm a battered shelter dog and i don't need to be alone anymore. I've been alone enough.

because of how my ex practically rewired my head and exploited my fears and vulnerabilities and left me with damage that is worse than any other situation I've been in, its difficult to trust people closest to me. i try, i genuinely try, but it's an ugly defence mechanism. it's why I'm so reclusive.

it's why i'm so deeply terrified of my beloved going off to uni and forgetting about me.

"give him space, he has work to do, let him be," my sister would say. trying to paint me as clingy. I'm just scared. i know all i have to do is put faith in my boyfriend (i do) but it's so fucking hard when you're this screwed up and can't tell the future.

i just wish i could have some certainty of what's going to happen. I'm terrified my world is going to end again this September and i wont survive it. i am so fucking scared. it's like I'm grieving someone i haven't even lost (and wont loose) yet.

i hate this. i dont want to feel like this.

O Titan Where Art Thou Spoliers!

I'm again having Thoughts™️

What the fuck was that whole starting bit. So King's connection to the Collector let's him do that. Also the Collector doesnt seem to be aware that they ARE connected

I know the Collector is supposed to be bad but damn, the "Wait dont leave!" And "I wont be alone anymore!" they really just sounded like a lost kid

This episode was like self reflection time

KING HUGGING THE BONE OF THE ISLES, I CAN'T

Steve face reveal was the reveal we never knew we needed

I like how the helmet broke open for King's horns

"Looks like I'm due for a growth spurt soon" BABY BOY, NO STAY SMALL

Lilith this whole episode like, she had some realisation about herself

Full intro!? I missed you!

"Aw she sent so many hearts" the fact that they make sure to give us a single lumity crumb! Like! They know what we want!

King's the son of the boiling isles confirmed. I'm not crying this is eye sweat

Eda holding back her hand when she found out Lilith left a map, this woman wants to choose violence so bad

"Oh so you found a commune of blood thirty fanatics in a place that was supposed to be empty!" Eda throwing the shade

The "Tall genes" comment stqjwydykd

King being called Lilith's nephew is everything to me

"I wanna go on a heist!" "Of course you do" Eda this is your influence and you know it

WHY IS HOOTY'S MOUTH FILLED WITH SO MANY TEETH

Helicopter Hooty

King playing on the beach, my heart 🥺

Just, the whole scene of Eda talking to Raine and begging them to keep her kids safe. Eda's voice actor did an amazing job and I just got so emotional

The fight between Luz and Eda AAAAA IM GONNA CRY

"I can recommend a good therapist" yes, please let Lilith (and everyone else) get some therapy after this

"I'm going to set you down, please try not to bite anyone" WTSYDJFKEIW DARIUS

Eberwolf with the chomp chomp on those cuffs

At least we got what happened with the fight explained

Luz fan girling over Raine is everything

Raine calling Luz a human witch like yessss. Also the Eda bragging comment pfff

"You're a horrible actor, I had to make it look real" DARIUS IS A THEATER KID asdfghbkhk

"Uh this is just like Hexside" I wanna know the interactions Darius and Raine had in Hexside, you cant just say that and NOT explain!

"I'm starting to think I wasnt very good at my job" Its okay Lilith, you're getting better now is what counts

"We talked about this- You promised!" "I DID NOT AGREE TO THIS NAME" Darius is officially one my favourite characters

King's little "meow meow!" Being a reference to the first episode when Luz put her cat hood on- i cant

LUZ'S PALISMAN LUZ'S PALISMAN LUZ'S P-

Honestly this just makes me even more hype for the next episode

Steve being part of the rebellion, YES

Amazing episode. Good little intermediate episode with just the right balance of fluff and angst. Still gonna be thinking about that beginning bit though

Hi! I just finished reading "a choir of lies" for the second time and im discovering shrimp emotions not known to man, the book hits wayb too close to home and is cathartic in the best possible way, and its stylistically so well done! Your character voices are impeccable and it's a delight to experience how this recontextualizes the first book, and what the voice of that character hid from the story. Did you always know you wanted two unreliable narrators, or did you come up with the story first and the diary/footnote storytelling second? And I love what you did to the Heyrlandische setting, it feels incredibly strange to have your country turned inside out so accurately and I'm pestering my friends to read this as well because I Need to talk about the intentional and accidental references and Everything, like how shipwreck translates to "wrak" which rhymes with a dutch accented way of saying "fuck", was that intentional? How did you come up with the gender system? The words sound so accurate, did you base them on any existing words or did you just combine sounds very accurately?

so many great questions!! First of all thank you so much for all the compliments <3 Secondly, you might enjoy my Discord server if you want to hang out and talk to other fans of the book! Link here: https://discord.gg/ftYnk8T42K Putting the answers to the questions behind a cut:

Did you always know you wanted two unreliable narrators, or did you come up with the story first and the diary/footnote storytelling second?

As soon as I knew I wanted to write a book from Ylfing's POV, I started tinkering about how I wanted to approach the unreliability of first-person narration for him, and how it would be different than Chant's in A CONSPIRACY OF TRUTHS. I THINK the general idea for the story came first, but by the time I actually started writing it, I'd hashed out the diary/footnotes two unreliable narrators thing with a friend :)

like how shipwreck translates to "wrak" which rhymes with a dutch accented way of saying "fuck", was that intentional?

Hah! Nope, that was a lucky accident, I am literally just learning about this now. I... tend to have extraordinary luck for these kinds of things. ;)

How did you come up with the gender system?

I, a queer nonbinary person, was like "yo let's fuck some shit up, let's get WILD" and then I just went hogwild on it lol Okay but as a more serious answer -- the binary view of gender is a very Western sort of thing. There are cultures all over the world today that recognize the existence of more than two genders! So as a queer person, gender is just one of the things I like to think about with my worldbuilding, rather than blithely accepting the default, and I like to build cultures that have lots and lots of different ways of looking at the issue. All my fantasy novels are set in the same world; some of the cultures have a gender binary, some SUPER don't, some have a third gender but it is reserved for people in religious/spiritual roles.... In general, I just try to do worldbuilding in ways that are fun for me to think about, because that probably means other people will have fun with them too :)

The words sound so accurate, did you base them on any existing words or did you just combine sounds very accurately?

I did base a lot of the gender words and terms of address on existing ones! A couple of them, I combined sounds to make something that sounded like a Dutch-ish word -- I minored in linguistics, so I know a little bit about what I'm looking for in that regard. Afterwards, I had a Dutch-speaking acquaintance glance over them just to double-check that they sounded like words to their ear as well. I think they had tweaks on one of the words, but I don't remember which one at this point.

Hope that answered all your questions! :)))) Thanks so much, glad you liked the book!

48 & 49 for the oc asks 👀

~ @sammys-magical-au

OK SO THIRD TIMES THE CHARM!

so im gonna do all of my OCs cuz they are all my babies and I need to talk about them all more!

so first picrews:

from left to right:

TOP: Madelyn Orton, Canon Cora Higgins, Modern Cora HIggins MIDDLE: Caitlin Rizzoli-Isles, Avery Starling BOTTOM: Solstice Cole, Elizabeth [Eliza] Bloodheart, Meredith Blackwood

~~~~

48) What is your character's reaction when someone does something nice for them?

Maddie- Madelyn is genuinely softened by someone doing something nice for them. At first shes a little suspicious if its someone she doesnt know but she will accept it. Her medical background gives her more of an insite onto what things are safe or not. She is naturally protective. But if its a friend she will just smile and repay the niceness back to her friends as soon as possible. If its a stranger or a friend of her brother that she doesnt really vibe with. she will just sigh at them and accept it but then go to her friends and be like "what the fuck-?" mostly cuz she sucks at social cues. [she/her pronouns for maddie]

Cora- Shes more cautious at people being nice to her but after a while she gets used to it and they accept it and are just "okay...nice...but why?" When someone is super nice to her she just hugs whoever it is. They will cling to people they are super nice to them mostly cuz cora is just "are we friends?" [they/she/storm pronouns for cora]

Cait- Caitlin is seven so she reacts to how any other people are nice to her. This can very much lead the genuis level child. She is very extroverted and likes to make friends so she is the one to be nice to people before and when people are nice back she is just "yay friem!" [she/her pronouns for cait]

Avery- They just shrug and accept it and sure theyre kind back but avery isnt really big on feeling the emotions and connections back to people. Mostly because of the heist and just go along with things. So yeah, Avery just nods and gives people a thumbs up and then sticks to them like glue. they are less the steryotypical version of be nice and more the kinda nice quiet kid who would help you pass notes to your friends. [they/he pronouns for avery]

Solstice- They are the captain of the invinsible two and thus they are used to people being kind and nice to them [as well as people being complete dicks depending on the timeline] but para is used to it and will continously try to be nice back to those that are nice to fire. Thus they are very happy when people are nice. It makes them feel safer. [they/para/fire/skip pronouns for Solstice]

Eliza- Eliza doesnt get why people would be nice to her because she doesnt WANT people to be nice to her because she is a bitch and doesnt deserve niceness so her reaction is this weird muted form of anger of just "okay great but why? what are you stupid?" but deep down shes warmed by it because it means someone cares.

Meredith: Oh meri, the sweetheart. She is so overly excited and happy that someone is nice to her because she is happy and just if sunshine was a person. So she is just "i made a friend! they were so kind to me!! oh i love you i love you!" and gets all happy stimmy and giggly and she desverves the world and everything in it

49) Is your character easy to make cry? Or angry? Or annoyed?

Maddie- Shes not one to cry but if shes tired she will be very hyper emotional. She was more likely to cry before going through an abusive relationship. she is more likely to be annoyed by little things but more playfully annoying. However she cannot stand traffic. Madelyn will only be angry if she feels hurt or scared. so

Cora- Storm is less likely to cry around people unless she really trusts them. She is however more likely to get annoying or angry by simple things especially if shes not good at stuff. But that is RSD. They also get annoyed by repetive sounds and stuff like that.

Cait- again she is a child. so she is more likely to get fustrated and cry more easily. However she wont get genuinely angry at anybody- just angry at herself and perplexed.

Avery- Again he doesnt really vibe with emotions but will cry if the dog dies in a movie. Pretty much done with everyones shit. Got very fustrated with heist mark and ended up wanting to sock him in the face. Very quick to get protectively angry around other trans/queer people if they get deadnamed. Can make anything into a knife so ya know.

Solstice- Rather quick for fustration and quick to use fires fists to talk instead of paras words but paradox is really just trying. skip is however very emotional and will cry if someone talks to them in a soft tone. totally cried at the "captain im tired" scene.

Eliza- exists on anger and fustration and annoyance with the world and everyone in it. very much the "I hate everyone to varing degrees." got into a buncha fights as a kid/teen and even a young adult because she was never shown love and has now turned her back on the world that hurt her so. Isnt really one to cry until the emotions build up and explode.

Meredith- Will cry if someone raises their voice to them. Literally just the sweetest bean and will cry at anything. she sees someone cry and then her waterworks start. Not really one to get angry or annoyed. More overstimulated and get fustrated at herself for feeling bad emotions. They feel like they have to be happy all the time and they are despite a few bad days when their anxiety wins and she just hides in bed all day because she cant face the world adn thats when her self loathing and anger towards themselves go.

Hii. So yeah I start my new job tmr as a behavior techhh! It’s kinda weird you don’t need experience, it’s actually very bad but hey… look at me 😭. I decided I don’t think ima do college because no. So yeah idk I explained but ima be going over a child’s house & be a one on one & give them services for those who has autism. Ima be starting off w one kid tho, I can add another case if I want or whatever. So I got a 4 year old girl & she lives 10 minutes away from me thank goodness, so convenient fr. Ima be working from 3-6 M-F. I will earn a lot more than my daycare for sure but because I’m starting off w one kid for 3 hours it’s only a $100 dollar difference but I’m working an hour less than my old daycare job. Anyways my last day wasn’t too hard. I’m not necessarily in my feminine energy rn so it was a little hard to process I was leaving & feeling emotional about it etc. but I am gonna miss the kids fr. I already do but new beginnings! Spiritually I’m not doing so well for my own reasons. I’m aware of it & im you know feeling all the consequences internally & externally a bit as well but letting go of certain things is very very difficult for me. Especially people (as you know lol). I understand I gotta learn the hard way & won’t let go unless I’m on the verge of losing my mind or dying & im not at that point yet & I know I don’t have to be but idk it’s just how I am. I think once I let go of this one thing, ‘paradise’ is on its way & I feel it but you know it’s just really difficult. I find it kinda cool that this new job is like carving out the path of what I want to really get into. I’ve always been in the mental health/psychology type of careers & i can’t imagine what my next job would be or the one after that yk, what doors can open just from this job. Idk it’s interesting to think about. I hate working tho. I rather be rich & help people for free than work for money for helping people. I mean that makes no sense tbh lol. But yeah I tried to a moon on my face but I fucked up & it ended being a half sun lol but I’ve been thinking about you a little but have been tryna ignore it… for my own reasons, has nothing to do w you. I know it’s not the way to go but idk, I think I’m just reallyyyy in my masculine energy & it’s been burning me out fr. But I’ve also been curious about you as much as I’ve been avoiding you at the same time lol it’s weird. But mmmm I’m seeing mom in June (Jhene Aiko) I’m sooo exciteddddd. Anyways I hope you are doing okay. I’ve been speaking to a ghost for years now it’s kinda funny but I know you see everything from my dreams & because sometimes I have urges to look through this page even tho ik what I be posting but it feels comforting? Idk. Anywayssss I’ll talk to you soon, bye bye 💟

honestly mbikmb is actually me rn

the drum - i feel such a depressive cycle everyday and im not getting fucked up bc i cant w my situation but if i could i prob would b!

happy news 4 sadness - my ex lied 2 me constantly + my perception of love is actually so fked up after him and i constantly tried 2 change myself and use sexual stuff for him 2 love me (he treated me like shit and then convinced me i wanted too much from him)

sunburned shirts - honestly i see this as a nostalgia where it ends up not being what you remember, he used 2 look at the sun and he thought of it fondly, but it hurt more than he remembered

stoop kid - its me! im stoop kid! ive been so conditioned to my mother's baby-ing and when i try to be independent im not allowed and then i get yelled at for never helping out and im terrified to leave bc shes constantly saying that i'll fail completely on my own! also in my later "growing up" yrs i watched hey arnold LOL

something soon - i feel so strongly abt this song. trying to do things to keep from losing it + cutting off my hopes bcuz i feel incapable, i feel like the only way i'll ever b seen is to cause problems! break shit! my mother talked a whole bunch of shit about my dad so now i'll never ever see him the same despite him never actually doing anything to me! i both fear and hate him and miss him and wish i had a dad!!!!! treating what im going through as the past to keep myself from focusing on my problems so i dont kms!!!! wanting to hurt myself to have some reason to be upset!!!! wanting to express my emotions but never being able to!!!! if i cant feel better soon then im actually gonna lose my shit GENUINELY! i am completely unable to tell my mother anything bc either it has to do w her and she can do no wrong or its my fault how i feel! (fun fact- i got yelled at in eighth grade 4 listening to help let me go danny gonzalez bc of the kidnapping a girl part and my music is "too dark" LOL (she threatened to send me to a mental hospital on the same car ride to school)) this town is freezing cold!!! i need out!!!!!!! im not allowed to do laundry and my mom barely does it and acts like if i literally have no underwear then its the hardest thing in the world and i have to wait til bc shes constantly too tired (girl i just wore my last pair and im NOT wearing the ones with holes in them) wanting to be somethig more and never feeling content. ignoring my problems w content and procrastinating to complete guilt, i want to leave n sneak out (i literally could ive snuck someone in multiple times b4 LOL), if i dont romanticize what im going through i'll ACTUALLY fucking lose it (im already inching toward a breaking point xP) i hate this house!!!! ive grown up in the same butt fuck nowhere town in the same horrible traumatic house!!!!!!! i need!!!!!!!! to escape!!!!!! so bad!!!!!

guys we're halfway through the album LOL

no passion - this song is actually so depressed dancing 4 me but i honestly dont really listen 2 this one much n think abt the lyrics so no comment VERY EXTREMELY sorry for no passion fans i WILL think of u and listne 2 it more

father, flesh in rags - i love/hate this song honestly, like it kinda reminds me of my ex (scoliosis! his relationship w his dad was a big problem of our relationship!) thats all u get it kinda hurts LOL not in a way of missing him but i get really upset thinking abt all the shit i put up w and forgot abt bc of my SEVERE case of rose coloured glasses

strangers - im actually wanting to create are 4 this song LOL anyway this song is less specific 4 me (honestly i burnt out from something soon LOL) but i too am not gonna last much longer! im sofa king sick of it!!!! all of it!!!!!!

lawns - its okay will my dad left too <3

pow - fun fact my great grandpa was a prisoner of war! he was taken while he was in a plane over russia and there he learned the language in his 3 years there n idk if he escaped or was let go but hes honestly such a cool guy like! love him but he died when i was really young so i didnt get much of a relationship w him but if i was a great grandparent i'd be really happy 2 meet my great grand kid so im really happy i got to meet him

open-mouthed boy - i too call god a SHIT and then scamper off

ne way im so obsessed w car seat even if i dont have much to say and im just saying a bunch of nothing burgers i have so much appreciation for everything car seat headrest has done even w the songs i dont like (im looking at you hymn and famous) i know somewhere other people like them n are also so affected by car wseat and its just like wowzerz! love this band sofa king much! cant wait to see them live in june!!!!!