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livinahey · 8 months

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Random astro obs bcs y not

Warning ⚠️ mentions of abuse and trauma

scorpio luminaries & luminaries aspect to pluto (especially harsh aspect) almost be always know when something/someone is gonna do no good to you. If they warn you ab something then just follow them. Bcs what they say is scarily often end up being true

Also, if from the first meet these natives STRONGLY dislike you even though you didnt do anything then yeah.... Youre the problem lol. No matter if youre everyone crush, everyone sweetheart, or whatever is that. Again, like I said before, they seems to always know when something/someone is not good

These natives can also scared of themselves bcs of this

I think we admire ppl who have our mars sign as their sun sign

Sag sun with water moon women makes the loyal partner 🥺🤧 be it business partner, in friendship, or as a lover. Don't leave them.

When you see mars square pluto native gets bad mood or even angry.... RUN

Bcs they can be so violent at that time and you dont want to see that

Same goes to cap moon 💀

Women with moon square bml (black moon lilith) always have the best glow ups ✨✨🤧 im so proud (and bit jealous lol) of you dear

Mercury in leo degrees (5, 17, 29) being sooooo charming. They be say "hi" only and you already weak(???) lol

Leo venus 🤝 cant go a day without boasting what they love, be it their hobbies, their job, their loved ones, their pet, or even the place where they live lol. So passionate

I'm not surprised if theyre the one that have many posts on their social media account

Ppl with big 6 at 6 degrees (virgo degree) can be seen as villain

Moon conjunct jupiter synastry: when the moon person getting humiliated/disrespect, the jupiter person be defending the moon person. Also, the moon person can have soft spot for the jupiter person

Natal aspects to sun i like are sun conjunct mars and sun-pluto any major aspects. The word "sexy" is literally made for them lol.

TW ABUSE

women with cap or cancer mars plsssss check again the man you choose to date or even marry. Bcs i often see these women end up experience being abused severely by their man in their relationship. Men often being intimidated by these women yet still wanna date them. These women do dating man that seems cool and amazing or even adorable person outside BUT UNFORTUNATELY it turns out that the man are the worst person ever. At worst case, the man's family dislike these women due to jealousy towards them. No matter how bad these women get treated by the man, the man's family will still defend the man and treated these women as if theyre the problem 💔

Also, these women can dealing with fucking crazy men that cannot accept being rejected by them atleast once in their life. Scary af

Gemini moon/mars are naturally funny without even trying ✋😭

Sag/pisces rising 🤝 always have ppl crushing over them and even become worshipping them

Libra rising are so beautiful and it seems unbelievable

Cancer rising and their terrible mood swing 🤕 yet still look like the most calm and unbothered person ever

Mercury-bml aspects culture is having what they say being questioned. And if they have sun-uranus aspects too then.... Good luck trying to understand them 🥴

Mercury-bml aspects is underrated funny placements imo. They be say questionable thing but idk i find it funny tho 😩

Scorpio rising and having traumatic experience/memories when they young that seems keep haunting them even until they become old :(

Also they often get disappointed by their family :( they can give all their family members a mountain of gold, being so kind to them to the point they forgetting their own needs and this scorpio rising still getting unappreciated & bad treatment. PLS APPRECIATE SCORPIO RISING IN UR LIFE !!❤‍🩹🫂 they are one of sincere people that often attracts evil eye that doesnt wanna see them being success

Whats with earth rising and having this disgusted/judging look 🥲

They can look at you normally and you will feel that theyre judging you even if they arent

Sag rising and leo rising 🤝 having beef with eachother

Same goes to taurus sun x gemini sun

Cap sun x virgo sun friendship be the weird yet funny pair

Every leo placement always have virgo placement in their life

They can have love-hate relationship with eachother tho lol.

And the same goes to every cap placement that always have aries placement in their life

You either love the opposite sex that has the same mars sign as you OR going "mehh" of them

Earth rising 🤝 secured financially. Maybe you never catched them worry ab not having money to save their life

Hey thank you for reading this so far!! I do these obs not bcs I wanna gain followers or what but bcs I found these things give me joy hehe ✌🏻 english isnt my first language so apologize for any grammar mistakes. be safe out there!! 🫂✨

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malewgtfstories · 10 months

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The will to grow.

William was just a short, hairless, frail, smart boy that was always bullied for his physical appearance. He was just trying to get through Collage but his bully Charles made it impossible. Charles was the complete opposite. He was a fat, hairy, tall, dumb guy thus William was an easy target.

Well back to the story, William was on his way to Chemistry when his worst nightmare appeared around the corner. Charles grabbed and forced him to the janitor's closet.

"Your such a fucking tiny wimp you need to get as fat as me", said Charles.

"Umm... I'm sorry Charles b-but I can't control how I look and act".

"Well guess what shitface? I can force you to slut."

Charles unzipped his pants and told William "Go on its not going to suck its self".

Right before William was about to start Their principal walked in and took them both to the office. The principal was disappointed in both of them and told them to go home since they both got suspended. William was angry since it was all Charles's fault but what could he do. So he rode his bike home. William's house was located on the rich side of town. His house was 15 times bigger than Charles who lived in a trailer park.

Once he got there he knew he was home alone due to the empty driveway. So he just took out his key and opened his door. All he wanted to do was to shower and finish his homework after a long stressful day. So he took his well-deserved shower and slipped into his PJs. Then he began with his big pile of homework. Time passed and then he heard his door knock. William lived in a safe neighborhood so he just opened the door assuming it was his parents, but to his horror it was Charles.

Charles barged in and pinned William to the ground. William was losing breath to Charles gargantuan weight. Charles pulled out a vile of what seemed to be semen. William was scared.

"Listen pipsqueak Im not done with playing with you. Once you drink this I won't bother you anymore. All you have to do is chug it and all of this will be over."

"WHAT!! Im not fucking drinking your nasty semen"

You could tell Charles was losing patience thus he forced the semen down William's throat. William struggled for a but that he knew he had no other choice but to swallow it. As soon as Willian was done Charles laughed and walked out of the door. William felt disgusted at himself. So he tried to make himself throw up but for some reason, he couldn't. He just gave up and went back to his homework. After a few minutes, his once smooth skin started to itch and dark roots started to spread all over his body. Then his body started to inflate. As the once flat stomach turned into a beer belly William looked down at his hairy beer belly.

William was surprisingly not freaking out and was calm throughout the whole situation. And when he looked at his homework it was all stuff, he knew he learned but he started to forget it all. His stomach ballooned as if he was always if on the heavier side. The rooms started to shift and peel to reveal moldy old walls and carpet. HE was no longer in his old house he was at the trailer park. All of his old memories left him. He was no longer William he was Will now a college junkie that spends time with his new boyfriend Charles eating competitions and bulling their next prey for transformation.

#fat hairy men #dumber tf #thin to chunky #gainer stories #bearification transformations #bearification

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t0rturedangel · 4 months

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hiii!!! i'm the same person who sent the ask regarding jekyll and i LOVED it! im honored to be the first asker and i might fill more - so if it's alright, may i request jekyll and/or hyde with an innocent yet motherly!darling who worries for their wellbeing, even going as far as gently scolding them and making them feel relaxed every once in a while.

take your time and take care!! xoxo

╭ . . . 𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 ੭

𝐃𝐑 𝐇𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐘 𝐉𝐄𝐊𝐘𝐋𝐋 / 𝐌𝐑. 𝐄𝐃𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐃 𝐇𝐘𝐃𝐄 𝐗 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑 ♰ ৎ﹕𝘢 𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘸𝘰 𝘮𝘦𝘯 (𝘩𝘤𝘴)

YAYYY ANOTHER JEKYLL & HYDE REQUEST, I'm honestly in love with the book and game so I'm sooooo happy you came and requested more!! :D I hope you like this

𝘩𝘤𝘴 ~ 𝐉𝐄𝐊𝐘𝐋𝐋

✧⠀⨾ Despite never saying it, Jekyll adores you and values you a lot- like more than he cares for Utterson and Lanyon- and thats saying a lot since he knows the two very close

✧⠀⨾ he loves it whenever you visit, because you take the time out of your day to make sure he is doing well, even helping the servants make some tea for him and clean up a bit after- for some reason Jekyll loves your tea more than anyone else's, you make it so perfectly

✧⠀⨾ he also tends to try and not cause as many mistakes as he usually would while you're there- whether it be via experiments that he maybe burnt himself with or just casually bumping into things, you'll always be at his side right after and be scolding him while patching him up as well

Currently, you were sitting by the side of Jekyll- who has managed to mix up the wrong amount of chemicals needed for one of his recent experiments which caused it to overflow and accidently got on his hand- which burned... a lot. ❝ how could you be so careless Jekyll? look you've hurt yourself again.... Please be more careful around your chemicals, you know first hand how dangerous they can be! ❞ you patched Jekyll's hand up, holding with with delicacy which made it seem as if he'd break if you were careful enough which was true to an extent, Jekyll was feeling weaker lately- he's been more careless with himself and how he acted leading to this mess. However, he couldn't help himself from smiling at you with a fondness- you were always there for him, out of the kindness of your heart and that made him adore you more than anyone else could. You were truly a miracle to him

✧⠀⨾ Jekyll doesnt understand how he managed to meet you and befriend you, but he thanks god everyday for it.

✧⠀⨾ As a thank you, he always buys you gifts that he knows will make you overjoyed, he pays attention to what you like and dont like so when it comes to thank you's, you're never disappointed or sad

✧⠀⨾ All of his servants, cooks and Poole love you since you're sort of keeping their master together while also keeping them happy- whenever you visit they're always chatting with you about anything but this isnt about them

✧⠀⨾ Jekyll find your innocence adorable, and questions on if you are the completely moral person you make yourself out to be- or do you also indulge in your vices? do you have your own Hyde? though he'll never ask, no never, he just loves this perfect image of you- sweet moral you who wouldn't hurt anyone ever

𝘩𝘤𝘴 ~ 𝐇𝐘𝐃𝐄

✧⠀⨾ the first time you met Hyde, it was probably an accident- Jekyll has though of something so horrid that Hyde couldn't help but take over, it was never Infront of you (Jekyll is so grateful for that you don't even realize)

✧⠀⨾ Though when Hyde did see you, all of his rage and anger suddenly just went away?? it left him so confused and almost made him angry and vicious again until you began to talk to him- normally??

✧⠀⨾ you weren't disgusted with him? you didn't find him hideous? you didnt run away, screaming in horror? no, you didnt do that, oddly enough you walked over to him- smiling happily, and introduced yourself leaving the creature so confused and baffled he almost completely ignored you (he didnt though- you were too intruging to him)

You smiled at Hyde, grinning from ear to ear as you held out a hand for him to take and shake. ❝ hello! I'm [name] it's so lovely to meet you ❞ you didnt run away, or looked at him grossed out which almost irked the monster but he stayed out of pure curiosity. ❝ I'm Hyde.❞ he replied almost coldly, though you didnt get angry with him- instead fascinated ❝ oh! yes i have heard of you- you're a good friend of my dear Jekyll's! i dont understand why everyone is so sacred of you ❞ you smiled even more- leaving Hyde to question you and your intentions, yet he made no move to hurt you. Everyone was shocked, sorry- correction- everyone outside, in the beauty of the moon was shocked to see Hyde, the murderer, the man who trampled a girl to near death, the one who smites women down for simply looking his way- walking down the street with the sweet little thing like you latched by his side, smiling from ear to ear as you chatted about something while Hyde listened. You has done the impossible, yet only you could do it

✧⠀⨾ he secretly love having you around, you're the only person who gives him the light of day at the minimum and at the maximum you care for him.

✧⠀⨾ once he returned to his home after getting into a fight with a man who was capable of fighting back- the man obviously was killed as Hyde had overpowered him with sheer brutality and died bleeding out, though he did manage to get a few hits on the deformed man (Hyde) leaving him bruised.

✧⠀⨾ you were waiting for him- happily with a knitted scarf for him (you felt bad for him as it was always cold in the night time of London and Hyde barely wore anything warm) but when you saw him, bruised and beaten you didnt even care about the scarf or how he even got hurt

✧⠀⨾ you sat there, much like how you were with jekyll, scolding him and patching him up carefully- despite him stating MULTIPLE times he can handle it and wont die.

✧⠀⨾ Much like Jekyll- Hyde questions your innocence but enjoys it none the less- the two of you acting as the opposites attract trope

✧⠀⨾ Overall, the two of them adore you so much- you're the sweetest and kindest person to the two of them and they're grateful, in their own ways (Jekyll buys you stuff and Hydes beats people up for you)

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crushedsweets · 4 months

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Give Zalgo lore pls/nf

ok ok . so zalgo lore is still under the works, but i have core concepts down for him . . .

lots of demon and goat and skeletal imagery, obviously. . . eyes, too. lots of eyes. he likes to take them, says it gives him more sight over the forest - which he thinks he's the 'ruler' of.

as for plot. he was a demon that sort of 'ran' the forest while O/S was dormant. he ate people who came in, made monsters out of the animals, made the general area roaming with the paranormal - he likes chaos, horror, power.

when O/S woke up, he was quickly dethroned. he's weaker than them, 'allergic' to their bodies/presence, etc.

slendy's jaw is able to detach and he vomits a liquid that's poison to zalgo - said liquid is used as the ink in the slender pages. when the proxies surrounded the forest with slender pages, it acted as a sort of... force field? It trapped zalgo - and his puppets - in the forest. sort of like a salt circle! they can't tear down the pages, can't even get close to them without adverse reactions. this is why slendy and the proxies get so heated when they're messed with.

so zalgo is angry. for a long while, he's using animals to try and win back power. he'll infect deer, bears, even rabbits. it didn't really do anything . . those animals are also sick to O/S liquid, and the proxy cabin has pages all around it. zalgo couldn't get close to the proxies or proxy victims, so he couldnt infect humans.

until an infertile, desperate woman came to the forest. she was deluded, praying for a child, begging for anything. she planned to kill herself that night in the forest, but zalgo promised her a child. she left soon after, unaware that it worked. that was lazari's mother. but of course, once the woman left, zalgo couldn't go visit her. humans remained useless to him, but he realized that it wasn't ALL humans he couldn't get close to. just tainted ones.

then Lulu came along. she died in the forest after a hazing ritual that involved swimming in the forest's lake in freezing weather, later succumbing to hypothermia. the sorority girls, terrified of the consequences, buried her in the forest and ran off. so zalgo infected her corpse. but lulu was weak, docile, foggy - generally, a massive disappointment.

then Ann came along. she was dragged by a 'fan' who was obsessed with her redroom content and wanted to make his own, so he killed her in the abandoned hospital at the forest. kate killed the man, but zalgo infected ann's corpse very quickly. ann was a much better suitor, having already been a violent, disgusting person when she was alive - BUT she was also trapped in the hospital. it was a labyrinth to her, and while she tried to attack the proxies at first, she eventually realized it was futile and gave up. once again, a failure.

finally, his daughter returns to the forest - being dragged along by an older girl named Dina. Lazari bit Dina weeks prior, infecting Dina and ruining her life. so she wanted to kill Lazari as a sort of divine punishment, since they belonged to the same religious cult.

Lazari immediately kills Dina. Lazari runs to escape the forest, dripping in blood and grime and guilt and shame - and she is trapped by the fucking pages. While Lazari is away, Zalgo infects Dina's corpse. and oddly enough, Dina seems like a much stronger candidate. level headed, determined, angry.

AND THAT'S WHERE IM AT RIGHT NOW!!!

at this point in the story, the proxies are trying to figure out what to do with zalgo. while the operator seems to be getting weaker, zalgo is getting stronger - he has four girls running around the forest, and while 3/4 of them want nothing to do with him, he's still getting a better footing against the proxies. soooo... now they gotta deal with that!!!

TLDR;

zalgo was the 'ruler' of the forest until O/S woke up. now he wants power back, but slenderman's "vomit" acts as a salt circle that traps zalgo in and protects the proxies.

so, he begins infecting corpses in the area.

he can only infect corpses that died in the forest and were NOT killed by proxies. if they were even touched by the proxies, he can't infect it.

#asks #creeped #zalgo #enjoying zalgo lore atm . LOL

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lunareclipsa1026 · 1 year

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Yes I am aware about the revelation of Tighnari's Eng VA, Elliot, turning out to be a digesting and horrible person. I found out about it last night right when I wa showing to bed.

I am absolutely disgusted, upset, disappointed and beyond pissed by this. This is something I will not tolerate or let this slide! I am not even gonna explain what he did, check it for yourself in Twitter, Im too angry to explain this.

I still love Tighnari as a character, he's still my one of my favorite characters.

Words cannot expressed how I am angry about what the VA did. It's upsetting to see how famous people can take advantage to their popularity to do vile and grotesque things like these.

I know he made an apology video, I didn't watch it, but it didn't sound genuine to me cause he released this video only cause he's exposed, it just sounds like an excuse to get away with it, an apology alone isn't enough from all this. I don't forgive him at all after learning what he did, he's staying logged out, and I hope he keeps his words, and I also hope he will be punished for his crimes and repent for reals for his crimes.

I already knew the word will get out to the VAs when I went to bed, they have already tweeted about this. They have already cut ties with him.

Oh and Chris, the voice director for Genshin, said in Twitter that he's now doing what limited power he has to reach to hoyoverse about this, which I am really thankful for that.

Also, there are people hating on Tighnari just because of the VA. May I inform everyone one that vas and the characters they voice are not the same person! Stop focusing on a fictional character and focus on the real criminal here!

Anyway, my heart goes out to all the victims who had suffered from this and I am proud of them for their bravery to speak up about this. Everything's going to be okay and I hope you all recover well and mentally healthy. 🙏❤️

And I hope once the word gets out to Hoyo, they will fire Elliot and do a recasting, just liek what they did to Oz's cn VA. I wonder who will be suitable for the role of Tighnari now once the issue is handled.

For now, I'm not going to put Tighnari in my party until the situation is handled properly and the recasting for Tighnari's voice is done. And if I need him for something like a boss fight, I'm going to switch dubs.

#genshin impact #tighnari

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harmonykou · 11 months

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will you ever love me~ vegaspete

Part 1

Pete's pov

I was standing in front of minor family's mansion regreting my decision to agree with khun korn, to accompany khun vegas as his personal guard " why did I even agree to this " i let out a sigh. A little angry with my ownself, thinking how khun korn just threw me in this hell hole. I was lost in my thoughts when suddenly someone touched my shoulder making me jump a little. I looked over my shoulder to see it was no other than khun vegas, looking at me with a confused face. Seeing him this close to my face was a blessing and a punishment at the same time as he was handsome but no less than devil himself i was lost in my thoughts once again when out of nowhere he spoke " what is main family's most trusted dog doing here" he said it with so much hate and disgust that it broke my heart i nervously replied " i- im here on khun korn's orders khun vegas he send me here as your personal guard sir and your father already agreed to it " he looked so angry after hearing it that i wanted to run away and hide somewhere but what can a poor guard like me do yet still before I could even do anything vegas storm off inside the mansion. I entered the mansion right after him, looking around nervously when some guard came up to me and showed me my room as everyone was already informed of my arrival other than khun vegas

Vegas's pov

I just came home when i saw main family's most trusted dog standing outside our mansion i was really confused to see him here with his luggages as i walk up to him he was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't even noticed my presence so to get his attention i touched his shoulder which made him jump a little he turned around and started staring at me it was clear his mind was somewhere else. i questioned him about his arrival which made him really nervous. I looked at him angrily as he was not answering me after collecting his thoughts he finally spoke up and told me about the reason for his arrival and father's agreement on the situation which made me really angry i run to father's study to talk about this matter leaving the stupid guard behind. In a matter of seconds i was in front of father's study. I knocked once to which he responded with a "come in" i entered the office and he was on his usual spot ,on his chair i didn't beat around the bush and directly asked him " father why did you agreed to make that stupid smiley my personal guard without even asking me what if he steal information from us" it came out more harshly then i intended it to be and before i could even realising it father immediately stood up from his seat and the next thing i know is, im on the floor getting yelled " YOU DARE QUESTION MY DECISION ,LISTEN CAREFULLY BOY YOU DO AS I SAY NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND SO WATCH THAT TONGUE" my cheek was hurting really bad still i just bear it. I stood up again "im sorry dad" i bitterly said looking down at the floor, my fist clenching "as you should be now listen to me,i agreed to have him here so you can get him on our side he's one of the most important guards who know all of main family's inner information, you better befriend him so it's easier for us to attack main family he know all the secret passages to enter the mansion and he's a good fighter so you must not fail me in this, stupid faggot" father said in a really pissed tone "i get it father i won't disappointed you" i said in a cold robotic voice, my head still hanging low " you better not, now get out" father roared

Author's pov

Vegas walked out of his father's study " i should find that lowly guard now" vegas said annoyed with the situation. he walked toward the servants quarters and asked a guard about pete's whereabout, the voices in his head was getting louder " why don't you kill yourself it's pathetic anyway getting beaten up like a dog everyday you don't deserve to live anyways, you're a burden on everyone, everyone wants you dead no one loves you " the voices never stopped after finding pete's room vegas stopped and took a deep breath then knocked on the door without waiting for an answer vages entered pete's room. Pete gave vegas a questioning look before bowing " khun vegas if you needed something you should have called me" pete said respectfully. Making vegas become more annoyed " stop acting like main family's guards actually respect us, anyways you are not staying here, as my personal guard you'll be staying with me 24/7 so pack up your stuff you'll stay in my room " pete turned pale hearing these words " khun vegas how can i stay in your room im just a mere guard" pete said. Vegas looked at pete annoyed and said" stop asking questions and pack your stuff " he sat down on a chair then started again " as my guard you should learn to not talk back to me fast it will be better for you" pete only nodded and started packing his stuff. As Pete didn't get the chance to unpack so it was easy for him to collect all his belongings and in a few seconds pete was out of his room following vegas like a lost puppy. Pete was not paying attention when vegas stopped in front of his room. The lack of attention caused pete to bump in vegas " Are you blind? Or is this another way to show disrespect toward me by not paying attention? " vegas said turning around with anger evident on his face. pete didn't knew what to say " i- im sorry khun vegas i- i- i never meant to disrespect you please forgive me I'll be more careful from now on" pete was bowing non-stop asking for forgiveness but vegas didn't replied he just truned around and opened the door. entering the room with pete following him inside " you'll stay here with me in my room incase i need you and no need to be so scared we can be friends in the time we'll spend together" vegas said forcing a smile on his faces remembering what his father said about getting information from pete.

" you can make yourself comfortable here I'll be back soon " vegas was about to leave after this but pete stopped him " k-khun vegas your cheek is bruised. Do you want me to put some medicines on it " pete didn't realise that without even noticing he triggered vegas in a matter of seconds vegas's hand was around pete's neck squeezing it really hard " k-khun pl-please let me go" pete cried vegas let go of pete's neck and slap him hard across the face making pete fall on the other side of the room" DO NOT AND I REPEAT DO NOT EVER ASK ME ABOUT THINGS THAT DO NOT CONCERNS YOU , YOU SHOULD KNOW YOUR PLACE " leaving pete on the floor with a bruised face

It's my first time writing a story hope you all enjoy it and english is not my first language so please bear with me

Love u all❤️❤️❤️

#biblebuild #vegaspete #kinnporche the series #gay #thai bl #bl drama

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katnisscarter · 6 months

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I wonder I wonder I wonder.

I wonder if you think of me. Do you miss me? Do you ever wake up on a warm fall morning as the soft light filters in through the window and look over at an empty pillow only for a second remembering when my sleepy eyes would greet you good morning? Do you ever feel an ache in your chest if only for a second when you pass a stuffed rabbit sitting in a store window? Do you ever miss the softness of my skin? The rosiness in my cheeks? The way that I held nothing but admiration and adoration for you whenever my eyes glanced to you? Loving you was a soft pink. I wonder if you ever miss it. Sometimes I think I do. I don’t believe that loving someone should ever be shameful, and nothing about the way I loved you was. Is. Isn’t. I wonder. Would you like who I am now? Am I so different? Yes. No. Well. more quiet. I don’t divulge as much as I did before I met you. I dont trust anyone to know me the way I let you know me. I bared every part of myself every scratch every bleeding wound every bone to you, and you told me I was beautiful. Until I guess I wasn’t. I’m not. Not anymore. I wonder if you’d be disappointed in all the new wounds no one gets to see. I hate them. I hate I can still see them underneath the ink scratched over them. They cut deeper than I thought.

You cut deeper than I thought. Every ugly thought you’ve ever had about me haunts me in the mirror. Rotting. Rotting. Rotting. Haunting. Haunting. Haunted. I think of what you must have told her about me and the sense of betrayal in that is more than when you shared a bed. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusted.

It feels like a lifetime ago. It feels like yesterday. It feels like I could run right back into those arms and feel safe. But that’s not right. That’s not what I’m running to. That’s not what I miss. I miss the before.

Before I lost everything I had come to know. Before I made so many mistakes. Before I looked up and the eyes I felt were home for so long suddenly bolted shut and I didn’t have the key. Shut out. Cold. Gone. Alone. So I guess what I really mean to say is

I miss her. I miss the eternal optimist. I miss the naivety. I miss the before. Before I found out those I loved so much would leave, angry and spiteful. Before I was called crazy and told to rot. Before I knew that someone I loved so deeply it ran through my veins more than my own blood could turn and walk away. Because that lose of innocence isn’t something I’ve been able to find. I haven’t been able to mend that wound, those fractured glass pieces that still cut my hands open. I can’t force them back together. I can’t trust like that again. I can’t connect like that again. And I guess that’s the saddest part. I’m forever tied to a skeleton of what once was because there is no replacement of the before. Just fractured pieces of a past I can’t make sense of. Fractured pieces of a story I’ll never understand. I’ll never understand the ending. Jagged pieces stuffed into a box that hurts to open. But every so often I try to sit down and untangle the mess, pull the ribbons off and make the pieces fit and all im left is to wonder. Wonder. Wonder. Wonder.

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abbyandhanako · 6 months

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Hana’s diary entry: Kyurem’s dinner

I had to feed Kyurem, He had been in his Poké Ball for most of the day due to concerns for his safety.

When Ghetsis started to try and shush Kyurem when the Poké Ball began to shake violently, even telling him that he knows he’s hungry but asked if he could wait a bit but Michael, one of Aries’ allies from Orre reassured Kyurem would be fine and that Cipher Peons wouldn’t be bold enough to attack the heart of the ship.

I decided to go with them as Abby was handed Kyurem’s Poké Ball, Aries, Michael and Wes decided to go with us so they could see Kyurem for themselves.

I was soon given Kyurem’s Poké Ball by Abby, she put it in my dress pocket, It was a bit of a walk, I’m not normally allowed in B2F but I do know the layout well.

Once everybody put on their disposable plastic gloves (the meat given to Kyurem is contaminated with E. coli O:157:H7 bacteria as it was part of a food recall Abby told me about, she told me Kyurem’s organs are too cold for bacteria to survive), I released Kyurem from his Poké Ball.

Once the raw meat was placed and we took several steps back, He began to wolf it down, I was in relief while Abby playfully chuckled: “Just like Ghetsis.” but I could sense the relief in her voice

Once Kyurem had his fill, he returned to his Poké Ball, Abby made everyone dispose of their gloves before they returned to the infirmary, when we were walking through the hallways, Donna went up to us and she snatched Kyurem’s Poké Ball out of my hands, she even held it the same way she confiscated Wesker’s old Poké Ball, with her thumb, middle finger and index finger up and using two fingers aswell as her thumb to hold it……(That memory still haunts me…)

She angrily began to rant and accuse me of stealing Ghetsis’ Kyurem, Aries came to my defense saying the latter only wanted some food, the threat with Cipher and the Bloodmoon Siege, Wes even told her that they have the ability to snag Pokémon.

But Donna refused to listen and yelled that she saw me take Kyurem’s Poké Ball out, She also never lets me live it down that Frieden was originally Ghetsis’ Deino (Frieden hates her anyway…)

She started calling me an ‘insolent brat’ that was just to betray the group (I’m not on Neo Plasma’s side and I make that very clear), Abby whispered to Aries that Donna was the grunt who took Wesker from me five years ago and thinks just because she ‘liberated’ the very first Pokémon makes her a queen.

Aries started to get really angry at that knowing they stole from a 5-year old girl and told her that she is going to be dead if she doesn’t pull it together and reminded her she was going after a kid and that if she didn’t see her in the battlefield against Cipher, she’ll probably end up in a ditch without a head and told her if she had any problems, take it up with her and not me.

Michael tried to calm everyone down and pulled Aries back when he saw her about to grab her Moon Sickles, Wes chimed in by telling Donna to take Aries’ advice and go away aswell as Ghetsis being sick as a result and that she probably didn’t want to disappoint N.

And Donna thankfully agreed……just kidding, She’s fanatically loyal to a man who hates her guts, what did you all expect?!

She’s more fanatically loyal to Ghetsis than she ever was to Giallo or even N.

I began to yell that she wonders why Ghetsis never interacts with her and Cletus aswell as what they did to Mark still disgusts me, im response, Donna told her Frillish to attack me only for her Frillish to be slashed by Wesker’s Shadow Claw.

Wesker then took back Kyurem’s Poké Ball and handed it to me, I said with hatred she was nothing but pathetic, she’s basically the same petty 18-year old grunt medieval soldier who stole my Purrloin and acts like she’s in the right even after five years.

Aries in a rage bashed Donna against the wall and her Hisuian Zoroark, Ana pinned down her Frillish, she began to angrily hiss that I had been through enough and if she wanted to fight me, fight her instead.

Cletus then showed up and ordered his Deino to attack me, He still thinks I ‘stole’ Frieden from Ghetsis………

Frieden heard the commotion and got up then ran to tackle his Deino, then stood in front of me in a protective manner (Frieden doesn’t like Cletus either)

He still thinks I abused Wesker, stole Frieden and turning Ghetsis against them (He hates them and I don’t blame him)

I honestly didn’t care if they died by Cipher’s hands the next time, even telling them to be my guest if they wanted to die.

Wes them snagged Cletus’ Deino and told Cletus if he wanted Deino back, then he must leave me alone, Cletus ran towards Wes in a fit of rage but was pushed back by him.

I angrily hissed under my breath when Cletus demanded Wes give back his Deino, He stole my Purrloin and wanted to replace his own Deino with Frieden?!

I had enough at this point and went to the infirmary, Cletus ran off screaming in fury aswell as Donna, I’m pretty sure Wes wanted to keep Cletus’ Deino for himself, but I declined this later on.

Then Abby dropped that Mark almost died because of them, when Abby told them the full story that they could have killed Mark, Aries was angry and in sorrow, Wes and Michael were horrified, Wes angrily yelled why did Ghetsis keep them around (I have no idea……)

Abby told them NEVER to bring this up with Ghetsis at all, Ghetsis looks angry and sad when it’s brought up to him.

Wes went to return the Deino, I’m pretty sure he was sad and angry at what those two did to Mark, I went in the infirmary and hummed a song called “Hollywood W****”, Ghetsis began to sing to it.

While I was humming and he was singing, Abby said that my brother, Rosa and Nate will be arriving to assist us in battle.

I really, really, really hate those two grunts…

#hanako mishima {{the lost purrloin}}

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stillcoldstilltrying · 1 year

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god i messed up. over and over again im messing up all the time. i don't know how to not mess anymore it's all i am and im not even good at messing up. i just mess up enough that people are disappointed in Mr but not enough that they lose hope in me. i don't want them to. i thunk they have. im a goddamn idiot. people keep telling me to have faith. it'll get better. blah blah bullshit. all bullshit. if it gets better it would've already but here i am a year later and i hate myself more than i have in YEARS. is this better? I've pushed everyone who could dare love me away. and now i have no one.

himcore is gone my best friend i thought might stick around is gone everyone's gone everything is gone it's just me now. im all that's left. what if i was just fucking meant to die. i am SO SICK OF MYSELF. god, if just for ONCE i could live someone else's life. just,,, just once. just be normal for once. except im this sick twisted thing of useless insecurities that are bordering on right. fuck this shit FUCK THIS SHIT. i want to be normal. i want my life to br on track. i want to be HAPPY.

im miserable and angry and all i can do is put people at a distance to make sure they don't get hurt or affe Ted by my absolutely pathetic aura. im so sick of myself im so disgusted by myself. fuck.

#cold.txt

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yyukhei · 2 years

Note

Logging back into tumblr after a few months and oh how my heart broke when I came to your blog and saw the Lucasconfession tag. 😔

I miss him so much. He was such a joy to watch on and off stage. His laugh always made me laugh. His voice was always so calming and he was such a bright spot when things were stressful or I was struggling. What sucks now is that when I am struggling it gets hard to watch his old content because watching it makes me feel awful of what has happened to him. It makes me wonder where is he and when he’s going to come back and hope that whatever he’s doing and who he is with that he is happy and getting the support. I just want him to be able to do what he wants and prosper because everyone says he doesn’t work hard (laughable btw cause he was the one getting everyone else the opportunities) he has so much in him and what I love is that he is always so determined. He’s focused and he’s dedicated. His words too are always affirming. And even if he doesn’t come back as an entertainer I want him to do something he loves and just tell people who have been supporting him that hey he’s okay cause he’s Superman

And it makes me sad, disappointed and angry that I cannot stomach or look at anything of the group. I used to spend my money on their merchandise and I just want to keep the lucas parts now. It was difficult to say at first but I feel like the more I see the more I realize I don’t like them anymore. their behaviors since last year has made me questioned them a lot and I look at all of them differently now. yesterday a tweet popped up on my timeline because lumis were so angry that xj replied to a 6v (apparently that’s what they call themselves now 🙄) response and I’m not here for that. There always the whole “they can’t say anything cause of the company” line that a majority of these ot7 fans say but I don’t think a passive aggressive message from any of them of how we should be kind and respectful could hurt. Especially seeing so much racial hate and the slew of animal comparisons because of his skin and SEA side. it has always been evident that they follow social media so that makes me very disgusted. Idk I always believed idols set examples for their fans cause some of them do not think wisely or for themselves.

You probably didn’t sign up for me going to vent or bringing the group down and I’m sorry. Too much feelings on this and it really sucks to hold it all in. But thank you for allowing messages into your blog because it’s nice to still see Lucas support here. I feel like it’s just a small group now because I tried looking for another lucas blog called yukhellno and Im having trouble finding it. So I’m think they’re gone and that makes me sad too 🙁

I 100% signed up for everyone to vent, hence why I tag these #lucasconfessions haha

Thank you so much for sharing. Your feelings for Lucas are beautiful and valid. I'll answer the rest below the cut.

First, I'd like to say that you're not alone in wanting to be solely a Lumi. Plenty of OT7s felt the same way once the comeback was announced without him. It's not like it was unexpected. SM has ruined this fandom to the point I expected many people would decide they just don't have the heart to be involved in this comeback.

In my opinion, as long as someone is not an akgae (a toxic solo stan that wishes harm upon the other members), an anti (like ot22s are), or bashing any member really, then so be it. People have biases for a reason, and tons of fans only care about certain members but never say it. It's normal. It's just never okay to badmouth any other member, and constructive criticism like what you're saying about Yangyang is NOT badmouthing.

I get people want all the members to feel important, and as an ot23 I want that more than anything, but being a fan is not a being in a cult. You don't owe anyone anything and can stop being a fan anytime. If supporting a group isn't fun anymore, it makes sense to focus on other things. And NO ONE has the right to tell anyone what to spend their money on.

It reminds me of when Winwin and Ten got Covid and couldn't perform at an event a bit ago. OT6s started refunding their tickets because they were so upset. They wanted to hold off and spend that ticket money on a show with their bias(es) in it. Basically, the same people who demanded OT7s support every member equally are the same ones who canceled their tickets when their bias wasn't present. The only difference is that their biases were never Lucas so they'd never had to make that decision themselves before, and they ended up exposing their hypocrisy.

As for the Xiaojun situation. When he responded that they must be a new fan, I believe all he meant was that she wouldn't know they actually have 7 members. He's not allowed to correct them or mention Lucas. In a way, it's almost like he's saying "only a new fan would say W6yV". I don't think there was anything malicious. There's been plenty of evidence the rest of the members have been in consistent contact with him. The boys likely get scolded anytime they imply anything about him, and they already had to wait so long for a comeback (which is now delayed even further bc of the mourning period) that they're just trying to make the best of the situation.

I think it is also important to remember that Lucas is not innocent himself when it comes to insulting others. He's called Kun fat before and made other insensitive, ignorant comments. We can't pretend he's a saint.

As for Laura (formerly @yukhellno), her url is now @babeseungmin. She's still around and still loves Lucas. So no worries.

#ask #anon #answered #lucasconfessions #superm #nct #wayv #lucas #yukhei

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aphrorite · 2 years

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tw vent (dont read lol)

once again. i am alone.

once ahain i am forgotrren and once again ia m alone

it seme slike everytine things go smooth he jus tlike to fuck it allup again and make the cut bigger n the wound deeper my heart is literally fucking gaping outside of its cavern and im falling falling falling falling

why cant someone love me the way i lvoe them why can tsineone be so obsessed with me like how i am owith them why am i always the one loving more why am i the ine always caring more why am i the one doijg everything why do i have to have the pants on

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuk rukf fuckf cuir jsut ask me if i did my night rihtine please congratulate me please tell me to take my meds please fukcing love me is it that fucking diffiuclt an i that bad of a kid. i do everything

im really thinking id be bettwr off not even having a cg or at least someone beter

i dont know why i picked him other than the ideas

bad father bad father bad father bad fsther same feeling same feeling this hurts this hurts this hurts i wanna go home i wanna stay away i want no more you hurt me youre hurting me this is painful please stop please

youre replacing me

you said goodnight i love you but what happened to me telling you the ways i needed to be reassured

YOU REPLACED ME

FUCK YOU

fucm you fuck yo ufuck you why did you do thar to me why why why why why?

AGAIN

if i am so special then why do you treat me like shit

you inow i figure one dat youre gonna be so angry at me that youll jusst stna dup and walk out your reassurance is so fuckign cold

i just need you to be lovey dovey

i need you to care

i need you to CARE FOR ME please pleaae please am i asking for a lot i just want to be a good kiddo i just wanna do things right why whenever i do something the reaction is never satisfying

i wanna fucking leave i wanna die i wanna die

you give me worth and take it all away

while youre probably fucking laugjing playing video games mid swrious conversation im thinking of dying

while youre midfight in game imo n the brink of tears

while toure probably fucking with some random girl in that game im losing myself in you

im melting

i want me back

stop

stop stop stop stop stop stop

i need me back

who am i

y does this always fucking happen

i understand what your ex meant now

you dont know wtf youre doing

piece of shit asshole father

just love me please

tell me i did good today

i should leave :D

i need soneone to be gentle with me tell me its gonna beokay

read the room

i need someone very attentive very caring and always aware of their body language or how they come off

a peoples person

and you are not that

you are nice sometimes

and other times you give me the same feeling that fucking trauma does

huurt

i feel neglected

i feel alone

i dont feel supported right now

i feel thrown away for your boredom

i feel sad

i feel disappointed

i feel icky

disgusting

rotten

i feel broken

i feel like you ran me over with a car countless times picked me off the ground and said “i didnt do anything”

im hurting .

#aphrorite lil speaks #ramble #vent regression #tw vent #tw violence #tw violent thoughts #pain tw #medical tw #tw swearing #tw cursing #tw suicide #tw death #dissasociation

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sixofravensandfoxes · 2 years

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REGARDING THE PATRICK GIBSON NIKOLAI SITUATION

what he said in the past is absolutely not okay and im not trying to “justify” his behavior, only trying to offer some other viewpoints. first, we’ve only had this casting for a day and you’re already trying to find reasons to cancel him just because he wasn’t what you envisioned nikolai to be and i think that’s disgusting. it’s something i expected given the fandoms behavior in the past, harassing random actors & models comment sections with “NIKOLAI” and his quotes. that behavior was completely embarrassing and uncalled for especially given @/robert1wilde’s sad response to those messages in his comments.

second, we’ve only had this casting for a day. we don’t KNOW this man and we have no clue what his views are currently and how he feels about his tweets. he could have changed or he could have not, WE DON’T KNOW. i know S&B has had some dicey moments (brownface, not plus size nina, jesper having lighter skin) but i wholeheartedly believe that the casting directors, leigh bardugo, and the rest of our diverse cast members would not be fine with this pick if they knew he was a bad person. we don’t know anything about him, but THEY DO! they’ve gotten to know him and know more about his personality/views than we do based on tweets from 10+ years ago.

it’s not okay what he said, but he was also 15 when he said those things and that leaves the possibility of more than a decade for him to grow for the person he was back then. personally, im disappointed in the person i was several years ago as well but I’ve grown from my mistakes and tried to improve myself as best as possible. we don’t know him, his situation, his environment, his friends, his family background, etc. we don’t know this guy at all so how are we basing our entire perception on him from a few HORRIBLE tweets he said 10+ years ago. I knew cancel culture was toxic, but this is honestly ridiculous given we hardly have any other information on him and haven’t gotten to know him yet. it takes time, maybe he will acknowledge his mistakes once everyone stops hating on his looks and casting. once again, WE DONT KNOW.

in regards to accountability, think about it: if you were put in this situation of being casted as an extreme fan favorite character and people were angry because you didn’t look good enough, you would probably also be trying to not get involved in the drama to spare your own feelings and trying to avoid toxicity. this guy is pretty unknown so far and while his behavior in the past (approximately 11 years ago) isn’t admirable, it’s understandable why he would delete it and not get involved in Twitter drama because being part of a project with this big of a fanbase is probably pretty new to him. im not trying to say what he did was correct in deleting the tweets, just that it makes sense given the context of the situation. i hope that he does acknowledge it in the future or show that his views have changed, but until then WE DONT KNOW enough about him and shouldn’t immediately cancel him.

also, I’ve been seeing way too much heat about his looks and the #/notmynikolai trending and im disgusted at the fandoms behavior. granted, im not surprised bc everyone had such high hopes for nikolai (remember harassing other actors???) especially because the rest of the cast are so incredible, but this toxicity really needs to stop. from what I’ve heard, his performance in his other projects has been phenomenal and we’re truly lucky to get someone with his talent. i myself didn’t picture nikolai as patrick but the more i opened my mind to it and saw his other photos + his energy in videos, im convinced he’s gonna do an amazing job just like the rest of the cast have. there’s a reason he was picked out of all the hopefuls who auditioned and there’s a reason leigh + the casting directors approved him. we just need to wait and see.

i remember people used to (some still do tbh) hate on freddy and archie a lot as well, based on looks and now most people love them. GIVE IT TIME! OPEN YOUR MIND! sorry that the casting directors couldn’t read your mind and pick based on who you wanted </3, i personally would want someone with great looks and AMAZING acting skills rather than someone with amazing looks and mediocre acting skills.

also, this isn’t even a bad casting like skinnywashing nina & lightskinned jesper. y’all are doing so much to cancel this man yet most of y’all were silent on darkskinned rep, plus size rep, and the brownface thing (i say this as a south asian). those were all bad things that happened as well !!! at least we got someone who has the physical characteristics and FITS THE DESCRIPTION of nikolai.

also im convinced that y’all would not have dug up this much dirt and wanted to cancel the actor so bad if he happened to fit your image of nikolai. just admit it! you want to get him cancelled so they cast someone who looks like a “better” nikolai.

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d4rkpluto · 3 years

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and as i am the one that always speaks first i will be talking about the issue that has been going on. that allegedly my friends and i cyber-bullied @meandmypeace when all we have done was argue that she should stop sexting with minors. obviously this has spread because there are accounts that has unfollowed us @saturnianneptune (we know of the other accounts that unfollowed us) there are other people who have unfollowed me because im bullying a 26 year old.

in a discord, yes, riya (meandmypeace) and i continuously butt heads, why? because she always spoke about how she wanted to fuck 15-17 year olds and am i going to stay quiet for that? nope. even though she has personal and traumatic information to share about me and my other friends and spread it like hell fire. but if she spreads our trauma then that shows that yes she is guilty.

for some reason, the post about cyber bullying was OBVIOUSLY about my friends and i, so if you're speaking about it. why not @ me, why not @ my friends you thought cyber-bullied riya?

this is quite surprising for a so-called spiritual community, and hillarysss i will never forget how you thought my 17 year old friend spiritually attacked you, she actually admired you and ever since that, yes she got a negative feeling about you, however, grow common sense, you are talented, there will be people who will not like you, that doesnt mean you have to make a post about it every time.

and funny, riya blocked me even though i already blocked her, i didnt want her predating ass to be looking at my posts. and before i share the screenshots of her talking sexually with minors i will speak about how disappointing you guys are, once again people are trying to make drama about me, i dont know what you guys are thinking, but im not going to leave.

like i wanted to stay quiet for the safety of my friends and i, but obviously it isnt enough. riya, you are a pedophile, a predator and you need to fucking leave.

not all of the photos are in chronological order, my apologies but it's obvious that i always call her out, the people around call her out on her behaviour too but she is always angry at me, on the third screenshot, she is talking to a fifteen year old, keep in mind, meandmypeace is like t w e n t y s i x. and i had to squeeze in pictures because there's more than ten screenshots.

i blocked out that message on the first screenshot because that has nothing to do with what is going on now. we were just speaking about spirituality, riya called herself snow in discord, and she has deleted her account.

and this is her pretending to be confused when i call her out on her behaviour. and why im blocking the minor's name? to protect them, putting myself in danger to expose this nasty woman who would most likely spread rumours about me, even though she already has.

and while im speaking with her, here she goes saying "i always consented" yes you can consent, but you are not the child for god's sakes. guys, do you know how disgusting that is? an adult...saying she consented on having sexual interactions with a minor? this is the person many of you a rushing to protect??? while situations like this happen, yes the victims and the people around dont always realise what is going on, and im not talking about riya, im speaking about the others in the discord.

i have continously told this woman. stop. speaking. like. this. to. children. but she always got angry. and notice that she got angry at me for saying the word "ass" excuse me? i dont need to respect you, you're a pedo.

and see how she's trying to pinpoint me as the crazy black girl? just like how many you guys do, she tried to make me seem crazy for pointing out that she speaks sexually with minors?????

"i'm not fighting over this weird ass reasons..." @saturnianneptune this is who you're defending??? i dm'ed you, you aired me. i dont know what kind of grip riya has over you, but that's the only thing i admire about riya, the hold she can have over others.

all these screenshots show you how guilty she is, and if this isnt enough for you to understand why i always argued with her then i dont have anything else to say except that the people who dont believe these screenshots are ass licking dumb fucks.

and on that note, the way people took riya's side and didnt even try and speak to us shows how disappointing you guys are, disappointing people who have no fucking back bone.

riya has no morals and lacks knowledge of the law, which is obvious.

as i argued with her, she attempted to seek validation from her "soul mate" and the minor she had sexually interacted with. knowing that she was losing the argument, i want this heffa out here, but if you guys take her side, this shows that this astro-tumblr is no safe space for children and black women.

and ara it was obvious that post was about us, and i wonder why you're not surprised that my friends and i allegedly bullied her is it because my friends and i are blunt or straightforward? see how these white women always try and make us villains, but if i am still seen as a villain, so be it, i dont give a shit, i said what i said.

#astrology #astro notes #astro observations #astrology observations #astrology notes

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rommahh · 3 years

Text

I Carry Your Heart

Harry Styles x Reader

Word Count: 4k

{Ahhhh ok so this is my first work like ever. There will definitely be a second part because ive got more to say and it needs a second part. I hope whoever sees and reads this imagine enjoys it. I appreciate comments, likes, reblogs, ideas on what could go into the story, and any form of help and redirection as to how i should write things. Much love, R.}.

Part two

All Y/N wanted tonight was to hang out with her boyfriend, eat a mass amount of junk food, and watch a marvel movie or two. That was all she wanted and that was all she asked of her boyfriend. Instead of any of that happening, she found herself sitting on the nasty kitchen island of her boyfriend's frat at a party that she was trying to avoid going to.

This party was supposedly ‘the party of the year.’ The last rager before finals and then christmas break. Y/N had spent the whole week studying and finishing up end of semester projects hence the want for a chill night. When Harry came to her saying his frat was throwing a party tonight and that he just HAD to be here, Y/N didn't feel like she had a choice but to let him go. She came because she thought this would be the only time she would be able to have some time with Harry after a long week of barely seeing each other. With two vastly different majors, the couple wasnt able to find a lot of time in the middle of school work to make time for just the two of them. Obviously her hopes of quality time with her man were futile because here she was sitting by herself in the kitchen of the frat while Harry drank and got high with his friends in other parts of the house.

Of course she was disappointed. She felt a knot in her throat and a weight on her chest just sitting there in that kitchen. Her white claw was warm now- not that it was any cold when she opened it. She was starting to form a small headache from the too loud music and the ache in her heart was growing.

She stood from the countertop on the search for her boyfriend, hoping he wasn't too far gone from sober. Wiping the back of her jeans from anything that was left on the island, she began walking around the house. She doesn't remember the last time the two of them spent time together by themselves. Of course they occasionally ate dinner together in the dining hall but they were normally surrounded by friends. Y/N wanted to be alone with her boyfriend to talk and bask in his presence.

After pushing through groups of partying humans, she found Harry and at least ten other people sitting around playing some sort of drinking game.

“Y/N! Where have you been?” Luca, one of Harry's frat brothers yelled out to her from the circle. Luca was cool, he was one of the only tolerable boys in this frat aside from Harry. Hearing his girlfriend's name, Harry turned around from where he sat on the ground and reached out for his girlfriend to sit beside him. Much to Y/N’s dismay, Harry was wasted. His eyes were half mass and his words bumped and slurred together. “We are playing truth or dare, wanna play?” Luca asked.

“I don't wanna play but Ill sit and watch.” Sitting next to her boyfriend, she grabbed one of his hands holding it in her lap. She was annoyed at him but it did her no good to show it when he was this drunk.

This game of truth or dare was childish. Dares of licking people's shoes and taking multiple shots had been done and truths about money and relationships were being spilled among the group. It had finally become Harry’s turn to do something, making Y/N tense.

“Ok Harry, I dare you to…” One drunk frat boy started looking around the room trying to come up with something clever. His eyes landed on a pretty girl in the room, Yara, a stuck up girl who for sure got her way no matter what. “I dare you to kiss the hottest girl in the room- obviously not your girlfriend because that defeats the purpose.” The frat boy smirked knowing what his intentions were. Everyone in the group giggles and gasped shocked by the dare but ready to see what was going to go down. Y/N’s brows furrowed as she became angry with the stupid dare.

The ache in her chest seemed to tip over the edge when she felt her boyfriend in the room move to stand up. She grabbed at the bottom of his shirt as a way of stopping him. Harry halted his movements to look down at his girlfriend. He giggled a little.

“You’re not actually going to do this right?” She asked Harry with wide eyes of shock. Harry laughed at her like she made a joke, making her heart hurt even more.”Harry I do not want you to do this just take the shot and lose the dare.” Her tone held warning.

“Don't be silly of course I'm going to. It's just a dare, nothing serious. Don't be so clingy.” He stood walking over to Yara and planted a wet kiss on her mouth. Yara gripped Harry’s shirt and kissed him harder. The kiss went on for a few more seconds, the room absolutely silent out of shock. Harry stepped back from Yara slightly sobering up from his actions. Yara smirked at Y/N, hand gliding down the front of Harry's shirt.

Y/N stood from the seat she was in and scoffed. Scoffed because she should've known Harry would do something like this. Scoffed because it hurt to see her boyfriend do something so careless without any regard for his girl's feelings. She pulled herself together, feeling her throat tighten once again. She was quick to leave the room and down the hall of the frat.

Harry's clumsy steps could be heard from behind her as he mumbled her name. Or at least he tried to. He was still so out of it, his words not making much sense. Y/N was crying now, the strength that she had slowly dissolving as she walked further away from her boyfriend.

“Y/N wait. P-please wait. I cant-” Harry stumbled over his legs behind her falling into the grass of the front yard. The girl couldn't help but turn around looking at her stupid boyfriend. She was choking on sobs now. She wasn't crying over a measly little kiss but over an extreme amount of burnout from school and exhaustion from simply existing. She was crying because her boyfriend ignored her boundaries, crushing and erasing the boundaries she had set in their relationship. Harry tried reaching for her once she had stopped walking. His hand clasped around her wrist, he laid his head down on her shoulder. He hated seeing her cry even if he was too drunk to see why.

“Baby don't leave, Im-Im Sorry.” He hiccuped and burped due to the alcohol. Y/N felt her rage build. Shoving Harry off of her, she crossed her arms across her chest as a way to shield herself from Harry physically. He was hurt by her distance and the wall she put up around her.

“You're an idiot Harry. An idiot!” her sobs grew louder, some stray party goers watching in amusement- some even snapchatting it for shits and giggles. “I didnt want you to kiss her and you did. What provoked you to think that was ok? All I wanted was for us to hang out tonight and just be us and you did this!” She was yelling now. Her hurt is beyond her now. Anger and rage simmered throughout her body making her head dizzy and her fingers curl within themselves. She didnt like being angry. It wasn't an emotion she liked acting on, it felt impersonal.

“Baby I don't under-” Before Harry could finish his sentence he was barfing at his feet. Y/N stepped back disgusted with her boyfriend. She couldn't even feel remorseful because of how angry she was. Luca, the frat brother from earlier, caught up with Harry and his girl only to find Harry doubled over heaving. Luca wrapped his arms around Harry's shoulders.

“I'm sorry Luca but I can't do this tonight. Can you please make sure he gets some water and goes to bed. I-I can't do it tonight, I wish I could but I can't.” Y/N didn't want to leave her boyfriend in this state but she didn't deserve this. She wasn't going to care for her drunk boyfriend when all she wanted to do was care for herself. Selfishly, she enjoyed seeing him this way because of the anger he caused her.

Luca shook his head in understandment. “Of course, I'm really sorry for tonight. He's going to seriously regret this in the morning, especially since it will be circulating all over snapchat in the morning.” Luca waved to Y/N then proceeded to pull Harry into the house. Harry called out for Y/N not wanting to be away from her but Luca pulled him harder.

Harry woke up the next morning feeling like the bottom of a dumpster. He wasn't shocked by that. He knew he got trashed last night, he had planned to. He, just like Y/N, spent all week studying and completing projects while also fulfilling certain responsibilities for his frat. He wanted one night to be a normal teen. So he drank and drank and drank and maybe even smoked some weed. As he tried to recall last night's events he came up with nothing. He didn't understand why Y/N wasn't here with him like she normally would after a party on the weekend. They were normally always together during the weekend. A bad feeling loomed over him. He could tell something wasn't right but decided to put his feelings to the side.

He saw a bottle of water beside his bed making him think she was probably here and left early. Chugging the water he started to go through his socials to see if anyone had posted about the party. He had multiple tagged pics and videos in his notifications from snapchat. Way more than he normally would.

The first video he saw was a video of him and Y/N standing in the front yard of the frat house. Turning the volume all the way up he could hear Y/N yelling, it shocked him. She doesn't normally raise her voice, especially not at him. The angle changed showing her face which was red with anger, eyes filled with unshed tears. He could hear her yelling about him kissing someone else. He felt his heart stop. He had kissed someone else? On the next snap was a picture of him keeled over vomiting on his shoes with the caption saying, ‘are yall seeing this shit?’ Harry was embarrassed but he was more concerned than anything.

His head was hurting but it didn't stop him from rolling out of bed, washing up, and putting on a fresh set of clothes. He checked his phone hoping Y/N had messaged him but nothing was there. He walked into the kitchen only to see luca sitting at the counter eating cereal.

“Hey Harry….” Luca said warily. Luca pushed the cereal around his bowl feeling the tension begin to rise in the room. He felt horrible about his friends.

“Luca...what's up?” Harry was confused by Lucas' wariness.

“So do you remember anything about last night?” Luca asked, setting his cereal down in the sink behind him. Harry started playing with the frayed edges of a bracelet Y/N made for him. It had little beads with her name on it. They made them together at an event on campus.

“I don't, I only saw the videos of Y/N screaming at me. I think I fucked up but I- I don't know what happened.” Harry's cheek flushed with even more embarrassment. Luca awkwardly chuckled scratching the back of his neck.

“You got dared to kiss the hottest girl in the room and um actually did it in front of Y/N...even though she didn't want you to. Which led you guys outside and yeah you know the rest...Im sorry dude, I wish I had stopped you.”

“Who- who did I kiss?” Harrys stomach lurched when he heard Yara’s name come out of Lucas' name. Y/N didn't like Yara and it was understandable. Yara has been pining after Harry since their first year of college. Harry couldn't breathe. He felt disgusted with himself. He could only imagine how Y/N was feeling.

Y/N woke up the same morning, eyes puffy and crusty from tears and head hurting. She probably cried herself into dehydration. She was lucky enough to have no roommate because she wouldn't have wanted someone else to see her breakdown. She still couldn't believe last night went down the way it went down. She couldn't tell if she was just being overdramatic or if her emotions were in the right place. She didn't want to be mad at Harry. He was everything to her, she had an odd connection to him. Meeting him during their freshman welcome week they quickly became best friends with a growing romantic connection in the mix. They started dating before Christmas break. They had grown close so fast that he even came home with her to meet her family for the first few days of break. Even though they were in their junior year of college, Y/N could see them beyond college. She's imagined them getting married, travelling, sharing a home. She saw the whole future with him. She had her doubts though. He was immature just like every other boy in college. He was dumb with his actions and tended to only do things if they benefited him. He had a lot of growing to do as a person, so did she but she wanted to grow with him.

She heard a knock on her door hesitating to answer it because one, it could be Harry, and two, she looked like a wreck. Answering anyways, she was met with a very sorry looking Harry holding a small coffee and bagel from their cafe.

“Hi baby…” He sheepishly said holding out the items. She silently let him through the door not once looking him in the eye. He stepped into her room, setting her treats on her desk. He could see that her bed was messy meaning she recently woke up. Y/N never went about her day without making her bed. He turned back to her and finally their eyes met. He took in all of her facial features, from her puffy eyes, to her downturned lips that looked chapped, to her flushed cheeks that longed to be held for warmth. He hated to see her like this, the last time he saw her so upset was when her parents moved out of her childhood home. It took alot to make Y/N this upset. She was normally really headstrong and vigilant. She knew how to ease her way out of problematic situations and could talk her way through anything.

Harry opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by Y/N holding her hand up in front of his face. “Don't talk. I'm really hurt Harry, so if your plan was to come over here and apologize over bagels- think again.” She snapped, backing up to put space between the two of them. She sat down on her bed while Harry pulled the desk chair out and sat down. He much preferred to be on the bed with her holding her tight but he didn't want to overstep boundaries.

“Love, I don't know where to begin. I'm really sorry for what happened last night. I was really drunk and obviously wasn't in the right headspace.” Harry reached out and touched the tips of her fingers with his. She wanted to move but it felt good to be touched by Harry.

“I told you that a measly little apology won't do Harry. I didn't want you to kiss Yara and you did anyway. You know how Yara feels about you and you just let it happen!” She pulled her hand away remembering the prior night's events. Harry felt himself getting angry too. He felt like he needed to defend himself- even though it would be a very bad idea.

“I think you're being over dramatic.” Wrong move Harry. “It wasn't like I was making out with her!”

“You're joking right?” She scoffed and scooted further up her bed to create more distance. “Harry it's the simple fact that you did something that made me uncomfortable that shouldn't have even happened. I see myself getting married to you and it makes me worry that right now in our relationship you can't respect my boundaries!” She yelled. Harry’s eyes widened as he laughed sarcastically.

“Married? What the fuck are you on about? I'm a junior in college. In what world would it make sense for me to be prepping a relationship for marriage? Once again I think you're being over dramatic.” Her eyes watered hearing Harry's statement.

“I- I guess I'm the only one in this relationship thinking about the future? I thought we were on the same page. I'm not planning our marriage now, obviously. I'm thinking about how elements of our relationship now could play out in the future when we do want to get married. You cheated on me last night. I went to a party you begged ME to go to only to be there for you. I wanted to be here cuddling with you, pigging out on fast food but I was at a party with you and got cheated on!” Her volume rises once again, making Harry shove his chair from underneath him when he stands up.

“You're doing too much right now. I'm not planning a future right now because I don't want this future! I want to be myself without thinking about how to appease my girlfriend. I invited you to the party so you could lighten the fuck up. I love you, I do, but I'm not thinking of marriage and futures. I'm thinking about my life right now and having fun.” Harry snapped right back at her. Her chin wobbled. Obviously her and Harry were on different pages. It hurt so much to hear him say that he didn't want a future with her. Harry didn't mean it though.

“Ok, well I guess that's my fault for assuming we were thinking along the same lines. Um, I don't want to hold you back from being yourself so with that being said, you are a free man Harry.” She pushed herself up from her bed walking to the door ready to escort Harry out.

“Huh? Love, what?” Harry was confused on how they got to this point. Just a few days ago they were in love, meeting in the library to share a lunch and exchanging sweet words determined by their love.

“Listen I have a day full of exams tomorrow so if you could just leave that would be best. You don't really want this so I'm letting you go, Harry.” She had tears rolling down her face, falling from her eyes down to her chin where they fell to the ground in droplets. Harry’s eyes welled up watching his love cry before him.

“I don't-”

“Harry, leave, please.” She opened the door making room for him to go through. He walked through the door turning to look at her. She turned her face away from him whispering a small goodbye before shutting the door. Harry was left in the silent hallway, so silent he could hear his thoughts and the tears hitting the tile floor beneath him. He thinks he stood there for at least thirty more minutes before accepting what had happened and walking away.

Leaving Y/N in her room sobbing like she had never done before. Her tears coated her face and she thought her head could explode right then and there. She didn't want to accept what had happened but she had priorities. She composed herself enough to start studying for her exams.

The week rolled by quickly, Monday meeting Friday in a flash. Exams were done and Christmas break was on the horizon. Students were piling off of campus in a hurry ready to get home to their loved ones. People were outside by cars loading up their winter necessaries and saying their goodbyes to their close friends.

Harry cried everyday this week. He wasn't normally a crier. He hated crying, he hated the feeling of crying and the headache that came from it. He cried because he realized how wrong he was. He missed Y/N. He missed finals week dinner together where they tried to get off campus at least once and be alone for a moment. He missed watching her relax while eating food that wasn't from their school's cafeteria. He would pay for their meal just so she could have one less thing to worry about. They would normally get frozen yogurt right after too, Y/N getting as many toppings as she wanted because Harry would be the one paying. He missed her tight after exam hugs. She would squeeze his shoulders tight, smiling into his neck, telling him how proud she was of him. She would bring him tea in the morning when they met for breakfast. Sometimes they would spend the night in one or the others room so they could have time together to destress and just talk.

Y/N wasn't doing any better. She normally went into exam week feeling confident. She studied too hard not to. But this week she felt like shit. Her heart hurt and she kept thinking about the fight. She feels like she overreacted but hearing Harry talk about their lack of a future hurt nonetheless. She really assumed that they did have a future that included marriage and a life together. She didn't understand where his sudden lack of commitment came from. She regretted dumping him but at the same time she wished he did more to get them back together but he was silent. He hasn't contacted her at all and avoided all of their spots on campus all together.

She stood by her car prepping for her six hours car ride back home. Packing away her clothes and some essentials in the trunk of her car, she heard light footsteps behind her. Closing her trunk she turned to see Harry standing with his hands in his pockets.

“Hi.” He said. She looked at him, putting her own hands in her pockets. It was cold outside, the nippy air hinting at a possibility of snow.

“Hi Harry.” They shared a moment of silence together. Just staring at each other. It felt good to be near each other again. They felt like they could breathe again.

“I had to see you before you left. I know the break is only a month but I didn't want to leave without seeing you.” He replied quietly. She made him feel so shy. Her beauty always made him awestruck. Even in a hoodie with their college's logo and some large sweatpants and some fuzzy crocs, she was the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.

“I don't know what to say harry.”

“It's ok. I don't deserve anything from you after what I said. I just wanted to apologize and wish you a good break before you left. I also wanted to give you this.” He pulled a small box and envelope out of the front pocket of his backpack. “I know we agreed on no presents but I think thats a dumb rule and I love you too much to not get you something.” She smiled at his words, taking the gift from his hands.

“Thank you Harry, it means a lot to me. So what are your plans for a break?” She asked him, the tension that was in the air slowly dissipating.

“I couldn't get a flight home until next wednesday so i'll stay here on campus until then.” He shrugged.

“Oh ok. Well tell Anne I said hi. I have to go Harry but I'll see you after the break, ok?” She didn't want to leave him but she didn't want to drive through the dark.

“Ok, love. Drive safe. I lov- I mean have a good break.” Her chest tightened at his hesitation. She wants to hear him say the words but she knows he won't.

“Have a good break Harry.” She whispered. Before getting in her car she stood on her toes placing a kiss on the corner of his mouth. Rubbing her thumb across his cheek and turning away and into her car.

She drove away knowing that her heart was left in that parking lot in the hands of someone she loves way too much.

Harry stood in the parking lot watching his heart drive away for winter wanting nothing more than to be with her.

Part two

#harry styles x reader #frat!harry #i carry your heart #harry styles fic #harry styles one shot #harry styles imagine #harry styles #harry styles x y/n #college!harry #part 2 coming soon #harry styles smut #fratrry #boyfriend!harry

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queenshelby · 3 years

Text

My Friend’s Father (Part Twelve)

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: Age Gap, Domestic Violence, Angst

Words: 1,366

Please comment and interact…it’s what keeps this blog going

***************************

When you picked up the intercom, you were surprised to hear the voice of Denise’s mother and, after you let her upstairs through the apartment building, you quickly shoved your intimate toys beneath one of the pillows on Cillian’s bed and shut the door to his bedroom.

‘Hey Y/N’ she said somewhat surprised when you greeted her. ‘I thought Denise is in Manchester, visiting Cillian on set’ she then asked and you nodded nervously.

‘She is’ you confirmed while she made her way inside the apartment.

‘So, what are you doing here on your own then?’ she asked somewhat confused and you had to think quickly in order to come up with an excuse.

‘Uhm…something happened at home and…uhm…Cillian offered me to stay here while he was not using the apartment while I am sorting out accommodation on campus’ you stammered, barely able to form a full sentence.

‘Right, well that’s nice of him’ she said before informing you that she came by to pick up some of Lucas’s things which he had left at the apartment during his last visit to Galway.

‘I have Lucas’s key but, since I saw the lights on, I didn’t just want to walk inside and I tried to reach Cillian but he didn’t answer his phone’ she explained before grabbing a bag from Lucas’s room, telling you that Lucas was waiting for her in the car and wishing you a pleasant night.

****

The following day, you immediately received a call from Denise who was somewhat surprised when she found that you were staying at her father’s apartment in Galway.

‘My parents said that dad had offered you to stay at his apartment in Galway after I told him what happened between you and your father. Did he call you? I didn’t even think he had your number?’ Denise asked somewhat surprised before asking you whether you were alright after the incident.

‘I am fine. I gave your dad my number a while ago, just in case he ever needed it’ you explained and Denise didn’t bother to question you any more about it. Instead, she simply laughed, thinking that you were again trying to hit on her father.

Whilst she was surprised that he had rang you and offered you his place to stay, she knew about what had happened with your sister several years ago and felt as though her father probably just wanted to help you since you were her friend.

‘Anyway, dad isn’t coming home next week and Lucas is in Cork. You should come to Dublin and spend the weekend with me. We would have the house to ourselves’ Denise then suggested.

‘I can’t. I have to work’ you said, unable to tell her the truth, namely that you would be spending the weekend with her father.

‘That’s a shame. Well, I guess you would rather come and visit me in Dublin when dad is home anyway’ she then joked and you couldn’t help but gulp.

‘Yeah, well, he is hot’ you then said somewhat embarrassed but forcing out a laugh nonetheless.

‘You are disgusting’ Denise said before carrying on…‘Also, I am sorry to disappoint you but I think he’s got a girlfriend and it is not Laura Jennings’ Denise then said and you couldn’t help but ask Denise about it.

‘What makes you say that?’ you asked, curious as to how Denise knew about her father seeing someone else.

‘Dad has been glued to his phone all of last night, texting with a woman friend of his. This friend even sent him a nude picture’ Denise laughed, causing you to choke.

‘A nude picture?’ you asked, cheeks blushing red.

‘Yes, a nude picture. The message popped up on his phone in preview and I saw it. I couldn’t see her face though and, luckily, her intimate parts were covered by a James Joyce Novel’ Denise said rather amused and you couldn’t help but feel sick to your stomach knowing that Denise had seen this somewhat inappropriate picture of you.

‘Uhm…well…at least your dad is happy, right?’ you then said nervously.

‘Right. He seems pretty happy actually’ Denise said before having to bring the phone call to an end. ‘Anyway, I better go. Amalie wants to go shopping today’ Denise then said before wishing you a good day and telling you to stay away from her draws, thinking that you were staying in her room at the apartment.

***

With Denise and her mother being fully aware about where you were staying, it didn’t take long for your mother to find out and, if your mother knew, your father would soon know as well.

Denise’s mother and your mother used to be friends until contact broke between them following some sort of incident just over a year ago.

You never knew what the incident was about and Cillian made clear to you that he wouldn’t get involved in it again and, if you wanted to know about it, you needed to speak to your mother. It wasn’t his place to be unless it involved you directly.

You accepted his decision but, when your mother contacted Cillian’s ex wife to see whether she knew where you were staying after Denise refused to tell her, things had become difficult yet again and you agreed to meet your mother on Friday morning at a nearby café.

When you sat down together, she first handed you a letter from Trinity College in Dublin.

‘Your scholarship has been accepted. I suppose that will solve your problems, right?’ she asked with a warm smile and you couldn’t help but get a little excited. This was all you ever wanted and you knew that you could stay at campus in Dublin for free while attending university and working part time.

‘I am sorry mum, I shouldn’t have taken off so suddenly, but he has gone too far this time’ you said rather upset.

‘I understand and thank you for checking in with me every day via text message’ your mother then said and you nodded before giving her a hug. It was obvious to you that she wasn’t angry with you and supported your decision to leave rather abruptly.

‘I didn’t want dad to know where I am staying because, as far as I am aware, his relationship with Denise’s family is rather bad’ you then said which is also when your mother opened up to you about why this is the case.

‘Denise’s mother and I were good friends, even after she tried to help your sister behind your father’s back when we found out about her pregnancy. I knew about it. In fact, it was me who asked her for help. Your father found out about it later down the track and then he did to me what he did to you the other day. I went to Denise’s parents’ house for help as I was so upset but, in the end, I worked things out with your father through the Church counsellor’ your mother explained before telling you that your father had threatened Cillian and his ex-wife if they wouldn’t stay out of their marriage.

‘Mum, in all honesty, you deserve better than this. Why do you put up with his anger? Just because he repents every week doesn’t make it right’ you said, taking her hand.

‘Because I love him and this happened once. It never happened again’ she said and you simply nodded, having to accept her decision.

‘Okay’ you said before allowing her to change the topic to something more pleasant which is when you began talking about your upcoming birthday before it was time for you to go.

You knew that, in about five hours, Cillian would be at the apartment and, before he got there, you wanted to cook, tidy up, shower, shave and get yourself into some nice lingerie.

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