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#idk why but it feels like a waste not to get one of everything LOL
kosmicdream · 2 days
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im confident enough to post FFAK, which has anal prolapse, but i dont post the true drama....... my opinions about manga. *dramatic music* sometimes i kinda want to do some reviews.. its mostly me complaining.. it makes me sound so bitter like "do you like anything kosmic!" and..yes ! i do!!! okay!! i like a lot of things. once in a while, i dip my toes into a popular series to try to see if we are a good fit. Series like: Beastars, Dorohedoro, Dungeon meshi,ect.. and i kind. well. I dont like any of them LMAO. I mean, Ok, i actually really was into Beastars for a time, but after the fight with the bear guy (its been a few years sorry) and that story arc concluded.. it just spiraled to laughable levels and did not recover. I was genuinely laughing at it at times bc it kind of felt like a desperate scramble with the like. loopholes and power upgrades.. But I was invested for a time, it had a charm to me! I also loved the art and im curious about the authors next series about santa (partly because i too, am writing a story about santa). Dorohedoro has a great visual style, fun characters, i enjoyed reading but it also kinda didnt ...land for me beyond that, which is a shame. I feel like it is a series that "should" have clicked with me. And its like, not offensive to me but.. I'll forget that ive read the whole thing. I like STUFF in it. but thats not enough for me anymore. If i had read it when i was younger tho, it might have been a diff story. idk. My most unpopular opinion of all is that... I hated Dungeon Meshi.. Sure its ..pretty! cute designs. but i found it SO painfully boring and it actually was a struggle to finish. in the end, it felt like a waste of time.. SHOCKING take i know. That is the darling of everyones heart and i like, understand WHY its popular. .. but for me, i was not fed by anything. i am unfed and starved and going to eat elsewhere oh, and i.. as a person who has read a lot of fighting mangas.. I have tried to read chainsaw man, but i dont know if I can. I did finish Fire Punch. I'm surprised to say: i kinda liked it but it took a long time to force myself to read thru it. I honestly hated many aspects of Fujimoto's storytelling/character acting that i didn't think my opinion on it would change, but I'm a little more open to it now. I dont think i could ever super be into it or whatever, but i did find genuine enjoyment in aspects of fire punch. I did not really like look back. I haven't read his other one shot(s)? Where am i going with all this..I guess im giving some unrequested reviews after all...oops... a lot of this is spurred by how houseki no kuni is one of my most fav series, not only visually/characters/story/ect.. but i cant lie.... the ending... was kind of a flop for me... gorgeous and poetic ig sure but.. AUGH! it isnt what i wanted. maybe it'll be one of those "it'll grow on me" endings but thats mostly me having to go thru the 5 stages of personal grief and gaslight myself into it, but as the like actual honest first-reaction feeling it kinda lost me. I think it did not work when i felt the confrontation btwn phos/cinnabar wasn't the one i wanted to see. i will say tho, while im dissapointed, its not like a DEEP one or anything. I know its a miracle to even get to an ending.. i guess my take away feeling from it was like "everything fit together too well, too planned" but didnt feel planned, emotionally. I wasn't sold on it. Anyway, im here to speak my truth and my hot takes which, i honestly dont even want to have that one about HnK but its the real feeling i have for it.. Once again Utena's ending just has made all these other issues i have with various stories more obvious LOL
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theloveinc · 2 years
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Incapable of going to McDonald’s and not getting three things at once just bc I don’t know which I want
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evansbby · 27 days
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I cannot believe the wicked games Drabble was 5000 words long like basically a full ass fic and the low amount of notes it got…
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forcebookish · 9 months
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i keep looking at topmew giggling in their sex scene and tearing up... like... i held it together for so long and then the dam broke and i'm being swept away...... i fucking love them........ they're so sweet together.... i hope i drown.........
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makelemonade · 1 month
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straight horny to your request, so basically arranged mirage with neuvillette and wriothesley (separately) BUT! they gain baby fever 😋 write anything you have in mind, thank you 🫡
arranged marriage + baby fever
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wrio, Neuvillette - fem + AFAB reader
I suck at titles LOL and it’s kinda short I am so sorry 🙏🏽 this is my first time writing baby fever idk if I did good but WHATEVA
Wriothesley
- I won’t lie to you…I barely know his character LOL uhm…
-like I’m at the part in the archon quest where we just met him
-so I hope this is like…okay
-I’d assume that Neuvillette maybe put you two together, seemingly as a duke needed his duchess. After all his complaining about being an independent man he finally agrees to the marriage.
-at first he’s not really fond of you. Sure, he’s nice to you, but don’t see it as anyrbing more. He still has a job to do.
-but then he really takes into consideration just how sweet you are for him- you’re so obedient and it starts to drive him crazy
-you always have his tea ready for him and he can’t lie when it comes to the fact that maybe he is starting to like you
-and god the way you know how to massage him, whether it be his back, arms, legs, neck- it fucking drives him crazy
-so naturally you start to massage his dick too.
-he loves to make love to you and fuck you- yes they are two completely different things to him. he babbles about how grateful he is to have such a slutty and obedient wife like you
-he LOVES to call you “my wife” when he fucks you, and he loves to think back to when he was so against it and he’ll slap himself because who would not want such a good wife like you?!?
-it means your his, and he loves it.
-what drives him absolutely insane is when he sees you with Sigewinne; you’re so caring, attentative and always so helpful to her that he starts to let his mind wander
-he thinks you’ll look cute with a swollen belly, one he can rub everyday. He imagines what your kids will look like- will they act like you? have your eyes? his hair?
-he needed to fuck a baby into you, and stat.
-he will waste no time in dragging you away to his office or really anywhere in the fortress to breed you…!
“fuuuck baby,” He drawls out his groan, hiking your legs further up his shoulder while also pushing them down as your pushed deeper into his desk.
“so- so goddamn cute, agh! helping Sigewinne and being such a good mommy…”
“Nghh~ oh! Wr-wrio!” You gasp when you feel hot ropes of his cum begin to fill you up, and he makes no move to stop.
He watched the way your tits bounced as he fucked into you, and he moved one hand up to grope at them, imaging how swollen they’d be later in the future, and how he’d get to massage them for you…
“Gonna fuck a baby into you, sweetheart! Needa fill you up…breed you! and you won’t waste anything. Right, you’ll be my good wife…”
Neuvillette
-MY MANNNNNNNNNN
-okay I’d imagine that Furina def arranged this marriage and let me tell u he was NOT AGAINST IT
-why would he be?!? you were gorgeous, adorable, kind, sweet- everything he’d ever imagine for his beloved to be so of course naturally he’s gonna develop these feelings for you
-he watches how you treat people and is so grateful to be able to call you his wife that when he’s talking to other people, he doesn’t even use your name and just tends to say “my wife”
-in full honesty, he also acts like that for another reason; he feels like he owns you with it- that your his
-your his to kiss, find comfort in, talk to, cry to, fuck, make love to, breed- everything! You were his and only his
-and the way you acted with the melusines….how sweet you were to them…his dragon instincts came out insanely.
-you were so kind to them, always helping them with everything and of course with him basically being their dad they start to see you as a mom too 🥺
-one night, he just can’t help it anymore and he’ll force you down in the bed, not letting you move so he can get all of his cum in you.
“Agh! Darling, stay still…” He grunted, pressing a kiss to the love of your ear as he roughly and passionately rolled his hips into yours, his fat cock hitting all the right spots.
“Such a good wife, aren’t you, my dear?”
You couldn’t answer, too fucked out on his cock but also his cum. He’d came multiple times in the last hour and honestly you couldn’t even remember your own name.
“You’ll take it all, right? You’ll let me breed you, fill you up, make you my mate! Hah…”
“Y-yes!” You gasped, holding onto him for dear life. “Breed me…f-fill me up!”
That sentence alone is enough to make him go haywire and he moans as he cums for the nth time, his seed spurring around the edges as he continued to fuck into you.
And when you find a hydro mark embedded on your pelvis, he’ll know you’re officially his mate <3
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yelenasdiary · 7 days
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Hii, can I request something like Reader is friends with Florence or Yelena (you can choose) and they were traveling for work and had to spend like a week in Las Vegas, and one night they got super drunk and got married to each other. Like, how they would react to waking up the next morning with a ring on their finger (bonus points if they're naked lol).
I just love your writing so much 💙 but don't feel pressured to write it if you don't want to ~ 🐳
Waking Up In Vegas
Pairing: Yelena Belova x Fem! Reader
Summary: When Kate throws a party for an undercover mission, it opens the door to you and Yelena to have a little fun, maybe a little too much fun…
Fluff? Idk, maybe more comfort?
Warnings: Enemies to loves kind of vibe?, Mentions of drinking, Mentions of gambling, language warning, suggestive themes, Mentions of being sick & hung over | 1.9K
AC: I love this idea; I am also a little biased because I enjoyed the movie lmao, but I hope you enjoy this & thank you for sending it! x
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"Remember, don't blow this!" Kate's voice came through to your earpiece. You couldn't help but roll your eyes at your friend's reminder, "focus on your mission, bishop" you replied before taking a sip of your drink. Kate's plan was to lure her target by throwing a small party at a casino and to your surprise she was able to get Yelena to help her out, considering that Yelena hated the idea of being an Avenger of any kind. The blonde took a seat next to you at the bar, sighing when you looked over to her. 
"I'm surprised to see you here" you said under your breath just so she could hear. 
"It seems that Kate Bishop needed some real help" she replied, downing a shot of vodka the minute the bartender walked away. You chuckled, "it's always a pleasure to see you, Belova" you replied. You could say that you and Yelena were never really the best of friends, she hated everything you stood for almost and you didn't understand why she didn't want to put her widow skills into helping the world. Although she always told you that she was helping the world another way, you just assumed she hated working in a team. 
"I could say the same about you, but it never is a pleasure" Yelena replied, reaching over the bar and grabbing an entire bottle of vodka. "Hey!" The bartender called out, rushing over to the blonde. "Calm down, I was going to pay" Yelena said, her thick accent making it clear to the man behind the bar that she was probably somebody not to mess with. She placed some money on the bar which he took with an eye roll and watched as Yelena popped the lid off and poured herself another drink. 
"Isn't that a waste of money for you? I mean, does the vodka even affect you at all?" you asked. Yelena looked up at you and chuckled, "it does, eventually. It just means I get to drink more than you can before making a fool of myself" 
You rolled your eyes at her sarcasm before you pulled out a small bottle and placed it on the bar, "maybe you should try this" you said. 
"What would that be?" Yelena asked. 
"Asgardian Ale" you replied confidently. Yelena raised a brow, "you mean what the gods drink?" She questioned. You nodded as you downed what was left of your drink and began to pour some Ale into your glass. With a quick flick of her wrist, Yelena's shot glass slid down to you. 
"You're not one for manners, are you?" You cocked a brow. 
"You offered me a drink, I'll thank you when that glass is back in my hand" 
This was what it was always like for you two, bickering with one another. "Guys your earpieces are still on" Kate's voice rang through the small device in your right ear, "do you both still have eyes on the target?" She asked. You poured Yelena a shot of the strong ale and slid it back down to you, "he hasn't moved an inch" you informed Kate.
"Still gambling away those stolen millions" Yelena added. 
"Just, stay focused!" Kate said. 
"Looks like we're in for a long night, Belova" you turned slightly to face Yelena, drink in hand as you slightly raised it up. Yelena sighed in agreement before clinking her glass with yours. She threw the drink down the back of her throat like it was nothing, you couldn't help but chuckle before taking a mouthful of your drink. 
——
The loud banging on the hotel door woke Yelena, she groaned to herself as she slowly sat up. Her eyes barely staying awake, her head throbbing with a headache, the consistent knocking wasn't helping. She looked to her left and suddenly her eyes stopped fighting the need to be closed. There you lay, naked with the bed sheet barely covering you, peacefully sleeping. Yelena's eyes dropped to her own body before her mind went wild trying to remember the events of last night. 
"Yelena! Open the door!" She heard Kate's call bringing her thoughts back. Yelena stumbled out of bed, grabbing the first two pieces of clothing she saw as she dressed herself as she made her way to the door. 
"Kate Bishop, do you know how to be quiet when somebody is hung over?" Yelena groaned. Kate cocked a brow, "hung over? You? Really?" She questioned. 
"What do you want Kate Bishop?" Yelena asked sternly. 
"Come on, it's been like what? 5 years and you're still calling me by my full name?" 
"It's been 3 and yes" Yelena replied. 
"Right. Well, I just wanted to come by and thank you for the help last night, I know you hate all this Avenger business but it was much appreciated" Kate smiled. Yelena frowned, wondering how somebody could be so cheerful and happy so early in the morning. "You should probably have a shower, might help with the hang over" the archer added. 
"You're welcome, I'm going to take that shower now" Yelena replied, "I'll see you later Kate Bishop" she added before closing the door. 
Her head was pounding more than before, she'd never felt such a strong hangover before she thought as she made her way back to the bedroom. You hadn't moved a muscle which amazed Yelena considering she believed that Kate had probably woken up a few guests on the floor. Before Yelena knew it, she was back in bed and everything was black once more, peace and quiet to sleep off her headache. 
By the time you slowly began to wake up it was already a little after midday, you didn't drink near as much as Yelena, but you drank enough to feel your stomach turning as you slowly sat up, rubbing the sleep from your eyes. It took a second for you to notice the blonde sleeping beside you, your eyes widened when you noticed it was Yelena.
"Oh fuck!" You mumbled to yourself as you pulled the bed sheet over your naked body, "Yelena!" You nudged her. "Wake up!" You said, nudging her a little harder. 
"Mmm" she mumbled as she stirred. Annoyed with her lack of concern, you kicked her out of bed. 
"What was that for?!" Yelena spat as she picked herself up off the floor, "oh I don't know, maybe because I'm naked in your bed in your hotel room?" You snapped, "what the hell happened last night?" You asked, running one hand through your hair only for it to get caught in your locks. 
"All I remember is drinking a shot of that Asgardian Ale and the next thing I know; I'm waking up to Kate Bishop banging on the door and you kicking me out of bed!" Yelena explained. 
"Oh no" you mumbled after finally untangling your hand from your hair. A small silver band on your ring finger only added to the list of worries, you looked up at Yelena who was also looking at a similar ring on her ring finger. "Please tell me we didn't get married" you said. 
"Don't be stupid, we weren't that drunk" Yelena replied, "right?" She added unsurely when she noticed the ring on her finger. You rolled your eyes as you threw your head back onto the pillow, "this cannot be happening right now" you sighed as you covered your face with your hands. The room became silent, you tried your best to rack your brain for any memories of last night but like Yelena you couldn't remember anything after the two of you shared a couple of Thor's drink. 
Yelena wandered into the bathroom, splashing cold water on her face to keep her from needing extra sleep. "I will never trust you with alcohol again" you heard her say as she made her way back to the bedroom. Slowly, you sat back up and placed your feet on the floor. The bed sheet still wrapped around you as you scanned the room to find your clothing only to find it scattered from the living room to the bedroom. "I can't believe you did trust me" you muttered in reply, walking by her and locking yourself in the bathroom. "Look where that got me" Yelena replied.
----
The evaluator dinged as the doors began to slide open, both you and Yelena were greeted with a very happy, to happy, Kate Bishop with a smile from ear to ear she couldn't help hiding the chuckle that she let out as the two of you walked towards her. 
"What's so funny?" You asked with a cocked brow. After having a shower and returning to your own room to change into fresh clothes, you felt a little better, but a good meal was going to make you feel much better. Kate invited you both to the buffet for lunch in the lobby, Yelena's head still throbbing, not as much as earlier but enough for her to keep her shades on. 
"Just the two of you and the fun you both hide" Kate replied cheekily. 
"Fun?" Yelena questioned. Kate nodded, "you both have no idea what happened last night, do you?" She asked. You looked to Yelena who let out a sigh, "what do you know Kate Bishop?" The Russian asked. You looked back at Kate waiting for her to answer.
"Well, after the team and I got out target, mind you, neither of you were around so thanks so much for the help" Kate started in a sarcastic tone, "I found the two of you drunk as balls in the VIP bar. Y/n, you were dancing on the bar while Yelena threw money at you, from what I heard you both shouted every bodies drinks. So I thought I would leave you both to it, which I did" Kate went on, a cheeky smile on her lips told you she knew more than she was telling. 
"Go on" you said. 
"It was around 4am when you both came banging on my door, stumbling over each other's feet, not making any sense of words but Yelena confidently announced that you both had just got hitched" 
"Oh god" Yelena mumbled under her breath. 
"So, it's true, it really happened" you said, running your left hand through your hair in distress. 
"I honestly couldn't be happier my two closet friends are married!" Kate replied happily causing both you and Yelena to give her an unimpressed look. "Wait, so when you came to my room early this morning, yo-"
"I just wanted to see how you pulled up" Kate interrupted, "and before you ask, no, you both didn't sleep together as far as I know anyway. I tried to get you both to go to bed in your own rooms but you insisted that we go to the rooftop hot tub where you both striped and I had to drag you both back to your room where Y/n passed out in the bed and it took you a another 20 minutes before you too were passed out" the brunette added, looking at Yelena. 
A moment of silence was shared, you couldn't believe the information Kate just had just shared and you made a promise to yourself that you would never drink that much Asgardian Ale ever again. "So, lunch, anybody hungry?" Kate asked with yet another cheeky smile. Yelena turned to you, "divorce after lunch my sweetheart?" She asked in a sarcastic tone. 
"Let's make it quick" you replied.
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nvrsaidiwasinurcloset · 4 months
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Hii so idk if u are planning on doing a part 2 for the stepcest or angst for a part 2 but I was wondering if you could write an angst about how they sneak around and eventually get caught?? It’s ok if ur not planning on a pt 2 😭 love ur writing style btwwww
Yasss I hope you like it! I wanted to post this last night but my sleep meds kicked in before I got to finish this part. There will be a part 3, as long as people want to read it:)
Pleaser - Stepbrother!Ethan Landry x Fem!Reader - Part 2
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This contains SMUT - Minors DNI
Part 1, Part 3
Summary: Your mom and Ethan's dad come home early, catching you in the act.
*there are mentions of a panic attack and some violence-related things, nothing too graphic...except the sex stuff:)*
A/N: I didn't think a lot of people would like the first part of this, and I kinda left this part on a cliffhanger because I love to be dramatic lol. If y'all want a part 3, let me know:)
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You frowned when you looked at your phone and saw that your mom and Ethan’s dad would be home in a few hours. It was like everything changed after that first night. You were both loving the time you got to spend together, not just the sex. It really bummed you out that he could’ve potentially been a good boyfriend, but thanks to your mom getting swept off her feet by his dad, there’s no way it could work now.
You could tell that Ethan hated it, too. If it was up to him, they’d never come back, and he’d have you all to himself. He knew it wasn’t right, but he was catching feelings. The only thing that was going to get him through the rest of the summer was knowing that you were going to the same school in the fall. No parents, and no one would know that you were his stepsister.
“Hey cutie, what are you doing?” he asked, as he walked into the kitchen to see you in front of the counter, your back turned to him. He wrapped his arms around your waist and laid his head on your shoulder.
He got concerned when he heard you sniffle, so he turned you around to face him. “What’s wrong?”
You wiped tears off your cheeks as you looked at him.
“Everything’s wrong. THIS is wrong,” you said, your hand gesturing between the two of you.
“I thought you liked the last couple days,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck as he stared at the linoleum tiles on the kitchen floor. He’d be lying if he said his heart wasn’t breaking.
“I did, Ethan! That’s the problem. I don’t want this to end,” you cried, as he pulled you into his arms.
“It doesn’t have to,” he said, kissing the top of your head. “We can make everything work. It’ll be okay.”
“How? There’s no way,” you mumbled into his chest as he soothingly rubbed your back.
“We just have to keep it a secret.”
You hated that idea but knew it was the only option. He stepped back to wipe the stray tears off your cheeks, before leaning down to kiss you.
He started to pull away, but you pulled him back in. Your lips moved so well with his, desperate to go at it again before your mom and Wayne returned home.
“If we’re going to do this, we need to be quick,” he said, pulling his phone out of the pocket of his sweatpants and checking the time. “Dad said they left a little early, so they’ll be here in an hour.”
“Your bed or mine?” you asked, lacing your fingers in his.
“I like yours. It’s more comfortable,” he said, “I should really complain about that.”
“Yeah, then we’d have to explain why you know how nice my bed is,” you laughed, leading him to your room.
He helped you out of your clothes, not wanting to waste a single second of the time you had left. He started to strip, his clothes joining yours in the pile on the floor.
“What do you want, babe?” he asked, his hands running up your sides as you stood in front of him.
“I want to ride you,” you said, his eyes darkening at the thought.
“Since I don’t know how long I’ll have to wait to do it again, can I please eat your pussy first?”
“Please,” you whispered, as he pushed you back on the bed.
His head was between your thighs within seconds, his mouth working its magic. His tongue darted in and out of your dripping core, trying to get every last drop of you.
“Fuck, that feels so good,” you whimpered, your hands running through his hair.
He gripped your thighs as he ate you out, pulling you as close to his face as possible.
His tongue started to focus on your clit, circling it with his tongue before he sucked it into his mouth.
“Oh shit,” you cried out, your grip tightening on his hair. He groaned, the feeling making you arch your back.
You started to move your hips against his tongue as your orgasm began to build, craving that sweet ecstasy. Your brain got foggy as you started to hit your peak. The only thing you could think about was how amazing he was making you feel as you tried to form words.
“I’m gonna-“ was all you got out, before your body started to shake. He slid his tongue back inside your pussy, massaging your fluttering entrance with it.
Ethan loved seeing you like this. The pleasure coursing through your veins and knowing he’s the one that caused it, made his cock throb.
He laid down beside you after he got you through your orgasm. “Come on, baby. Get on top of me.”
You sat up, the tingling feeling in your body fading as you straddled him. Your lips went to his as your pussy rubbed against him. He was gasping at the friction against his erection, but he needed to be inside of you.
“Condom,” he mumbled against your lips.
You sighed as you reached over to the bedside table and grabbed one, making a mental note to put them back under your bed when the two of you were done.
You started to stroke him, a low groan slipping past his lips, before you rolled the condom on him.
You both moaned out when you sank down onto him, before he muttered “So fucking tight.”
His hands went to your hips as you started to move, your pace building up quickly. The palms of your hands were pressed against his chest as you rolled your hips against his. You knew you didn’t have a lot of time left, and you didn’t want to risk getting caught. He watched the way your tits bounced as you rode him, pulling you forward to take one of your nipples in his mouth.
“Fuck,” you whimpered, the position of your hips making it easier for him do drill into your g-spot as his thrusts started to meet yours.
Both of your movements completely stopped though, as you heard heavy footsteps walking past your door.
Ethan’s wide eyes connected with your terrified ones, as Wayne yelled “Ethan, where are you?” from his bedroom a few doors down from yours.
You were frozen in fear as you were still on top of him. “Baby, you gotta get up,” he whispered. You tried to, but it was too late once the doorknob to your room turned, your mom walking in. The smile on her face dropped as she saw you, a look of disgust on her face.
“Get dressed, now,” she said through gritted teeth, your heart pounding in your chest as tears started to form in your eyes.
She walked out, slamming the door behind her. You looked down to see Ethan’s tomato-red face, “Oh my god.”
He wiped your tears away as they slid down your cheeks, “We need to get dressed, baby. You need to get off me.”
You raised your hips as he slid out of you, your body now shaking in your fear. He slid the condom off, throwing it in the wastebasket and quickly putting his clothes on. You heard arguing from the living room as you tried to get dressed, your hands shaking as Ethan came over to help you.
“It’s okay, baby,” he said, pulling your shirt down over your head.
“How the fuck is this okay?” you whispered, as he helped you put your jeans back on.
“Look, I’ll say this was all my fault,” he said, before kissing you for what you felt would be the last time.
“It’s not, though.” Tears flowed down your cheeks as you felt your chest getting tighter.
“Hey, breathe, baby,” he said, pulling you into his chest so he could rub his hands across your back.
You heard footsteps outside of the door again, Wayne yelling, “Ethan, get out here now!”
He pulled away from you, his own anxiety creeping up as he made his way towards the door. The footsteps headed back to the living room as the arguing continued.
You followed Ethan, not wanting him to take the fall for this, even though his eyes pleaded with yours for you to let him.
“Your perverted son took advantage of my daughter!” your mom yelled, anger dripping off her words.
“You said she was on top of him! How do you know it wasn’t the other way around?!” Wayne snapped.
Your mom was about to say something, when she noticed Ethan standing in the doorway, and you right behind him.
“What the fuck is wrong with you, you little creep?” she asked, walking towards Ethan.
“Stop!” you screamed at her. She stopped in her tracks, looking you over. You’d never raised your voice at her. “I’m the reason this happened.”
Wayne scoffed in the background as your mother’s face dropped.
“No, you’re not. Stop talking,” Ethan said, as your mom got closer to Ethan, her hand connecting with his face. The sharp slap made your ears ring as Wayne started to yell. “Don’t touch my son!”
“Your son had no problem touching my daughter!” she screamed. “Get out. Both of you.” She said coldly, looking between Ethan and Wayne.
“Mom, please calm down. I know this is bad, but-“ she cut you off before you could finish speaking.
“I don’t even know who you are.”
A sob slipped past your lips as you felt your chest getting tighter again, your panic attack rushing over your body as you struggled to breathe. Ethan turned to look at you. “Hey, it’s okay. Breathe.”
“Don’t you fucking speak to her,” your mom snapped, pulling Ethan away from you. “I never should’ve trusted you alone with her.”
“Stop blaming this all on Ethan! We don’t even know what the story is!” Wayne yelled, as Ethan started to get mad.
“You want to know what the fucking story is? You two got married before you even asked us how we felt about it! I didn’t plan for any of this to happen, she didn’t either,” Ethan yelled, “I wish you two would’ve thought about asking us how we felt about it, because I would’ve told you I hated the idea of living down the hall from the girl I caught feelings for. Having to refer to her as my stepsister makes me feel so fucking sick to my stomach. I hate this!”
Your mom walked over to you, trying to calm you down when she noticed your breathing wasn’t normal. Your vision got hazy as you struggled to take more than shallow breaths. “Hey, Ethan! Help me!” your mom yelled, as you dropped to your knees.
He bolted towards you, lifting you back up to hold you against him as he swayed with you in his arms, trying to calm you down. His arms around you were soothing, as you started to inhale deeper than you were able to seconds before.
Your mom stood there, watching the two of you. She was still mad, but there were other things she and Wayne needed to talk to you about.
“We’re separating,” your mom said, as you pulled your head away from Ethan’s chest. “We did rush into this.”
Wayne’s head nodded as he stared at the floor.
“Why did you go on that trip then?” you asked, your words still shaky as you calmed down.
“We went on the trip to see if there was any way we could make this work. We ended up heading home early because we knew we couldn’t,” Wayne said, as Ethan looked over to him.
“You seemed so happy,” Ethan said, as Wayne chuckled.
“We didn’t want you two to worry. We were going to make things seem normal until you guys went off to school.”
“We were going to tell you when you came home for Thanksgiving,” your mom said, a hint of sadness in her voice. “At this point, I think we should start to think about Wayne and Ethan moving out, as soon as possible.”
“Yeah, I’ll reach out to my friend that’s a realtor in the morning,” Wayne said, still not looking up from the floor.
You stood there next to Ethan, not sure how to feel. Your mom and Ethan’s dad weren’t showing a lot of emotion.
“I think we need to have a conversation,” your mom said to you, gesturing for you to come with her. Your scared eyes met with Ethans before you followed her through the house and out the side door. You both took a seat on the patio chairs, as she took a deep breath. “How long has that been going on?”
“You mean, how long have I had a crush on him? Or what you walked in on?” you asked, your gaze not meeting hers.
“Were you interested in him before you knew I was seeing Wayne?” she asked, smoothing a wrinkle out of her shirt as she spoke.
“Yeah, I’ve liked him for the last couple years,” you admitted, “I’m sorry if I disappointed you.”
“I wish you would’ve told me,” she sighed, “Maybe it would’ve stopped me from making my mistake.”
She let out a small laugh, as you started to feel sad for her. “Mom, why did you get married without talking to me about it?”
“I don’t know, I think I just didn’t want to be alone. Wayne felt the same way. We both had a child going off to college, and our houses were going to be empty. I knew you’d think we were moving too fast.”
You both sat in silence for a few minutes, deep in thought.
“This thing between you and Ethan can’t happen. At least not while he’s in the same house as you,” she finally spoke. “I’m not sure what people will think, but the marriage did only last a few months.”
“Seriously?” you asked, a smile forming on your lips.
“I need to know though, were you being safe with him?” her heart was pounding as she asked the question, hoping your answer would be what she wanted it to be.
“Yes,” you said, as she let out a sigh of relief.
“I know you’re going to be here with him alone while Wayne and I are both working, at least until they get another house. I’m going to ask Wayne if he’d help me put up cameras in the house. Just so I know you aren’t doing things you shouldn’t be,” she said, as you felt the small glint of happiness fade to anger.
“That’s a serious invasion of my privacy,” you said, before she put her hand up.
“I’m not going to put them in the bedrooms or the bathroom. I just want one in the main hallway, one in the living room, and one in the kitchen. I meant what I said earlier when I said I didn’t know who you are,” you heard the disappointment in her voice again.
“This is stupid,” you said, getting up and walking back through the side door.
Ethan was sitting on the couch talking to his dad as you made your way through the house. His eyes were on you, observing the pissed look on your face. When you walked into your room and slammed the door, he had this awful feeling in the pit of his stomach.
That night, Ethan and his dad went to the store to get the cameras. You soon heard the sound of the drill outside of your door as they mounted a camera to the wall in the hallway. You rolled your eyes, irritated at the sound and the privacy you no longer had.
“Hey, I picked up some food,” Wayne said against your door. As pissed as you were, you were still hungry. You opened the door and took the bag from him but noticed Ethan behind him on a ladder with the drill. His shirt raised up a little, showing his toned stomach as he installed the camera. He winked at you when his eyes connected to yours.
“Goodnight,” Wayne said, moving away from the door. You closed it behind him and pulled out your phone to text Ethan.
You: I can’t believe you’re helping with this
A few minutes after the drilling stopped, you got a response from Ethan.
Ethan: Did you forget that I’m good with technology? I have a plan
You smiled as you read it, curious to know what his secret plan was.
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omiiomiaaus · 1 year
Text
LET YOU GO | Toji Fushiguro
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Emotionally unavailable Toji x reader Drabble
Angst, hurt no comfort lol, Toji finks you deserve betta than what he can giv ya. Broke asf Toji, umm he’s like 33 and you’re like 25, megumi is like 9 or something idk whatever makes sense I guess lol. she/her pronouns used, Not proofread bc I’m lazy. Short asf and mid asf
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The only thing Toji was good at was keeping to himself and making you feel like you would never be fully a part of his life.
“you and me?” he questioned. “There is no you and me, baby.”
the only thing you could do is hold in your tears, because Toji Fushiguro will never let you break down his walls. He was completely un reachable, and he wasn’t about to let you make him vulnerable to his own feelings, or so he thought.
“You’re just wasting your time, sweetheart.” He continues, having audacity to still call you pet names. The same ones he said when he was sweet talking you into his bed.
“Toji, why can’t you just let me be there for you?” You said, a futile attempt to get him to listen to you. “You sound desperate baby, it’s not cute.”
“Stop it.. stop being so mean, I don’t get it.. I do everything for you, why can’t you just..” you couldn’t even finish your sentence, you didn’t want to give up on him but at this point you were just making a fool of yourself in front of him.
“Why can’t I just what? Love you? Why can’t you just open your eyes and realize I’m not the kind of guy who’s gonna settle down with a girl who’s got her whole life ahead of her.” He spat out, looking down at you with disbelief. “I got no job, I got a kid that’s almost half your age, and a shitty apartment with my mattress on the floor… you want that?”
The look in his eyes made you feel inferior, his gaze judging your soul. “Stop trying to make me hate you.. when did things go wrong? Why are you pushing me away?” You asked, hoping to get through to him.
“You deserve a man who’ll give you what you need. I got nothing going for me, what makes you think I’ll be good to you?” He said, softly this time. He looked away, shaking his head and letting out a soft sigh. “You think I won’t love you because you have nothing to your name?” You asked. It hurt to think he thought of you so superficially.
“It’s not about you loving me, it’s about me being good enough.” He yelled, immediately going back to his stoic nature.
“Toji don’t you get it?” You yelled back at him.
“I’ll love you no matter what! I don’t care if you have nothing, I don’t care if I have to live in the darkest corner of the world… I love you, I need you and I want to have you with me always!” You felt like your heart couldn’t take much more rejection. But you realized that Toji was slowly cracking. He went from pushing you away for no reason, finally showing his true concerns.
“Please…” you said, barely above a whisper.
“It’s for your own good” he said while turning his back to you, getting ready to walk away and out of your life. Something caused you to jump up and hold on to him when he started to leave.
“Wait Toji please don’t leave!” You yelled, voice desperate. You held on to him so tight. This isn’t how you want to remember him, you wanted to remember the Toji that reciprocated your affection.
He pulled his arm out your grip forcefully, causing you to stumble back a little bit.
“What about megumi? He needs me!” You plead again, trying to find anything to get him to let you stay in his life. He turns his head back side eyeing you, back still turned towards you. “He has to learn heart break at some point.” He said coldly.
“So that’s it? You’re just gonna walk out my life after all these years… you’re just gonna shut me out that fast?”
“Just forget about me.”
That was the last thing you remember of Toji Fushiguro. The pain he made you feel and the words he spoke that night would always be held in your mind. Memories resurfacing of when you two were happy together, it felt like your mind was taunting you.
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AN: hope you enjoyed… lowkey want to make a pt 2 bc I always want to have lore to my fics LMAOO but I might not… depends.
- omi
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moonjxsung · 1 year
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Not Allowed (pt. 2)
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TV GIRL / NOT ALLOWED
Link to part 1 here
⇢ Pairing: Lee Felix x fem reader
⇢ Summary: You and Felix are childhood friends turned fwb, with no strings attached. Felix leaves to pursue his idol dreams, and you begin your life as a college student. When he comes back to visit your town, he’s drawn to you again- but you’re both leading very different lives.
⇢ Warning: smut lol
⇢ W/c: 20k? idk
⇢ A/n: inspired by the TV Girl song “not allowed” <3 this has a lot of smut bc the whole song is abt sex so if ur uncomfortable with that, please don’t interact! 
// MINORS DNI // DO NOT STEAL OR REPOST MY WORK
Disclaimer: All characters in this story are 18+. the actions and story represented in this work do not represent Stray Kids in any way; everything described is purely a work of fiction!
You felt your heart drop in your chest. The conversation was not going to be free of hostility. Unsure of how to answer, you locked eyes with him, letting your expression soften into one of remorse. 
“I like it. The blonde.”
He gave a small nod. “Thank you.”
You looked around nervously, debating whether you should just get up and leave. He wasn’t going to give up without a confrontation or an apology, both of which were off the table for you. 
“I’m gonna go order,” he said, smoothing down his top as he stood up. “Americano?”
You nodded, studying the pattern of the table below you. “Yeah, thanks.”
As he walked down the stairs to the counter, you replayed your thoughts in your head. This was going to be a colossal waste of time if you didn’t drop the cool girl act and just communicate with him like a normal human being. Not even your arguments with Mark were like this, so why were you so averse to doing the right thing? After all, it’s not like you were going to stay at your parents’ place for longer than a week. All of this would be out of sight and out of mind in due time, and you were determined to make it end on a positive note. 
When Felix returned, he held two iced americanos in either hand, clutching a small paper bag of croissants in the crook of his elbow. 
“Thank you,” you said as he carefully set yours in front of you. The rich, warm scent of both calmed your nerves a little as you took a sip of your coffee and nibbled a bite of the pastry.
Felix sat back in his chair and rested a slender hand on his cheek as he looked at you. 
“What?” you asked, worried you’d gotten something on your face. 
He shook his head. “Just looking.”
“You’re staring,” you replied, a bashful smile growing on your face for the first time all morning. 
“I can’t stare?” He inquired. 
“I guess you can if you want to. It’s just a little odd, is all.”
He cocked his head slightly. “I’m catching up on five years of changes. I promise I’m almost done.”
“Okay, okay. I digress.” you said, taking another sip of coffee and staring back at him. 
Felix’s hair was much longer than it was all those years ago, reaching just below the nape of his neck. His face was also much slimmer, and he looked rather intimidating with his carved-out jawline and hollowed cheeks. But his eyes were still soft, his button nose still a focal point of his beauty, and his lips even plumper and more pink than you’d remembered. 
“You look good,” Felix said in a voice barely above a whisper. 
You felt the heat rushing to your cheeks, suddenly more aware of your own appearance, and smiled politely in response. 
“Thanks. You look good, too.”
Felix took a sip of his coffee, and then his face turned serious again. 
“You… never called.”
You furrowed your brows at him, surprised at how quickly the conversation had changed pace. 
“I tried you a couple times. Never heard back.”
You did your best to remain calm, feeling angry at the audacity he had to accuse you of being the one to cut him off. He’d been the one with a time change, phone restrictions, and a whole new life to adjust to. As far as you were concerned, he’d transformed into a completely different person- whether he wanted you to remain in his life was up to him entirely. 
“You did? When?”
You shook your head with a dismissive smile. 
“When? I don’t know- some time and date five years ago?”
“You didn’t try again after that?”
At this point, you could feel yourself getting pissed off. 
“Why would I? I’m not even one to double text- what makes you think I should’ve tried for five years straight? I have a life too, you know.”
He ran a hand through his hair, smoothing down the longer bits and tucking them behind his ears once again. 
“I guess… I just thought we ended on a different note than we actually did.”
You cocked your head. “And what note was that?”
He exhaled sharply through his nose. “I don’t know, every day for a whole summer it’s like you can’t get enough of me and now you want to pretend I don’t exist?”
You scoffed at the absurdity of his words, although he had a point. 
“So I was supposed to keep trying your cell for five years straight because of some fleeting thing that happened half a decade ago? And where were you in all of this? You had a phone, too.”
“I told you it’d be some time after my trainee period. When I didn’t hear from you, I figured you just didn’t care to talk.”
You rolled your eyes, scoffing again. “Jesus Christ. Was I supposed to be sending an owl every week? Sorry I didn’t get the memo.”
“I didn’t know you needed a memo to remember who I was.”
“I know who you are!”
“Then why are you acting like it never happened?”
You sat back in your chair, angry thoughts racing around your mind. 
“Because!” You exclaimed, trying to compose yourself as you finally let your thoughts out. 
“Because what we had wasn’t supposed to ruin our friendship!  You left to be some mega-rich celebrity and I had to work my ass off to make a life for myself, only to never hear from you again. And now you’re back and I don’t know what it is that you want from me, but if it’s the same thing you wanted all those years ago then you can forget this little meeting ever happened. I’m not some side piece you have when you’re not filming commercials or singing on stage. Believe it or not, I have a life outside of whatever the hell this is.”
He shook his head in disbelief, and a silence washed over both of you. You glanced around the floor, hoping nobody heard any of that. The other diners seemed to be wrapped up in their own conversations, and you felt a minuscule sense of relief. 
“I can’t believe you think that’s why I came back. Even back then.”
You stayed quiet, feeling defensive and irate. 
“We never should’ve done it in the first place,” you said, lowering your head. 
He swallowed a lump in his throat. 
“You really feel like that?” Felix asked. 
You gave a small nod, holding back frustrated tears. 
“Yeah, I do. I wouldn’t have to spend my adult life running from such a stupid mistake.”
Felix’s lips pulled into that same thin-lipped expression of hurt, and he raised his eyebrows.
“Okay. If that’s how you feel.”
Without another word, he pushed out his chair behind him, and gathered the mostly-full drink and crumbs of his unfinished croissant. 
You remained seated at the table as he gave you a small bow and made his way to the stairs. And then he was out of sight, for the fourth time that week. 
*
You probably cried for hours that night. It was getting old fast, this torturous act of hurting Felix and then feeling guilty for hours on end. But you couldn’t help the way you felt about the whole situation. 
You’d seen the interviews, watched the way he filmed alongside beautiful Korean women and traveled the world to perform in front of thousands of pretty girls. He had the world at his fingertips, and yet he used the brief moment of time you slept with him as a weapon against you- as if he hadn't moved on several times before all this. Moved on to a new place, a new life- probably even several other women.
When you’d finally begun to doze off to sleep, after hours of battling a pounding headache, a startling noise woke you up again. 
Three brisk knocks on your window- just like they’d always occurred.
Your heartbeat quickened, and you looked at the clock while still adjusting to the atmosphere around you. It was just past midnight. You crawled out of the comfort of your bed, fixing your hair briefly and pulling up the blinds to get a good look. 
Felix stood against the dark night sky, casually dressed in a light gray hoodie and track pants. His hands were shoved in his pockets, head hung in deep remorse. 
When you opened the window and looked at him, his glossy eyes suggested he’d been crying too. 
“Hi,” Felix said quietly. “Can I come in?”
You complied, stepping aside as he hoisted a leg over the sill and climbed into the small space of your room. It felt like old times, only this time it was tainted by tension and your caution so as to not overstep boundaries. 
You sat on the edge of your bed, and Felix found a seat on the desk chair across from you. 
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I was angry. And I let my emotions get the best of me.”
You chewed on the inside of your lip, an anxious habit that made itself known whenever you had to tear your own walls down. 
“I reached out because I cared about you,” he continued. “Five years ago. And I still do. I had zero intention of sleeping with you. It just happened. And it’s not going to happen again. I never would’ve just used you for sex. Part of me wants to think that you know that, too.”
You began to cry even again, wiping tears with the back of your hand. You knew he was right, and you didn’t actually believe that. His intentions had just gotten blurry with him being so far away. 
“Hey…” he said, finding his way next to you and wrapping you in a warm hug. “I’m really sorry I hurt you. I was just being selfish.”
You gasped through tears at his words. “I could never forget you,” you blurted out, almost pleading for him to unlearn whatever you’d made him think before. “And I don’t think you used me for sex. It’s just… overwhelming having you back. I don’t think you realize how fucking hard it was for me when you left.”
Felix wiped a tear from your cheek with his thumb. “You don’t think it was hard for me, either? I wanted to tell you so much. I wanted to call you up every chance that I got, but I couldn’t. And then when I didn’t hear from you I thought… I thought maybe I just cared more than you did.”
You shook your head. “I cared, too. Don’t ever think I didn’t care.”
Felix nodded, a kind of light in his eyes at your admittance.
“Can I stay for a bit?” Felix asked, hoping he wasn’t overstepping his boundaries by inquiring. “Nothing weird, I’ll even stay on the floor. I just want to catch up. As friends.”
It was your turn to nod, sitting back against the headboard and pulling your blanket up to your waist. He sat cross legged facing you, both of your gazes meeting each other with curious smiles. And for a small moment in time, you were those careless kids all over again. 
*
You don’t remember Felix leaving, but he did. You also weren’t sure when you’d fallen asleep. Beams of sunlight shining over your eyelids woke you up, and your room was quiet and vacant except for a small note on the desk. 
Y/n,
Had to leave for a family thing. See you later tonight?
PS- you still snore 
-Felix
You chuckled lightly at the note, remembering the way he’d teased you about that back then. 
You’d thought it to be a dream for a second, gripping the note firmly in your hands to remind you it was in fact, real. Felix had been here last night, and you finally didn’t want to cry at the thought of seeing him again. In fact, it excited you.
At breakfast, you thought over the conversations you had last night. Felix told you about his trainee days, long ones spent studying Korean and practicing dances in small, crowded rooms. He recounted the shows he was on, expressing the premature grief he’d felt at almost getting  completely eliminated. He told you about the members, eyes filling with joy as he described them in great detail and summarized their seven starkly different personalities. 
He told you about how much he’d missed his sisters, how long plane rides finally didn’t make him nauseous anymore, and how he felt much more natural being blonde.
And about how he thought of you every time he stopped at a McDonald’s. He also still used his raspberry chapstick, on his third tube now. And he missed you. 
“I never forgot about you. Not once,” he said honestly. “I stopped getting Oreo mcflurries because they tasted so much like you. It was a flavor I wanted to preserve in that little time and space. I feared I’d… lose it.”
You bit back a smile from across the bed. He always had a way with his words, but hearing the details of your relationship with him so eloquently relayed back to you made your head spin. 
“We’ll I’m sorry for ruining your favorite McDonald’s order,” you’d said back to him in a joking tone. You didn’t want to give him the wrong idea by entertaining the narrative too much. You kept it platonic.
After all, you still had Mark waiting for you back at home. As your mind snapped back to Mark, your eyes shifted around the room in a panic. It’d been days since you heard from him, and he never answered your last text. In a sudden panic, you reached for your phone and began to dial him, before hanging up and thinking it over. You desperately needed a new set of clothes, and it wouldn’t hurt to check on the apartment. 
So after a quick shower and some breakfast, you grabbed your keys and started off toward the apartment again. Not quite ready to return to the place of tedious routine. 
*
As you unlocked the door, an overpowering scent filled the room, making you scrunch your nose in displeasure. 
“Mark?” you called out, scanning the room for him. 
The kitchen was a mess, dishes piled high in the sink with remnants of previous meals all over them. The table was sprawled with unopened mail and- beer bottles. You knew instantly. 
“Mark?” you called again, growing angry at the state of the apartment. 
As you made your way into the living room, you finally saw him. Sprawled on the couch, a beer bottle clutched in his hand as a loud game of baseball echoed from the tv. 
“Mark? Why is the place so messy?”
He said nothing in response, fixated on the screen in front of him, bringing the bottle to his lips to take another swig of beer. 
“Mark?” you said again. 
“Jesus- stop saying my name like that, I have a headache.”
Your heart dropped at his tone. 
“Yeah, because it’s not even noon yet and you’re already piss drunk. What’s going on?”
He waved a hand to dismiss the conversation. 
“No, none of that,” you said. “Tell me what’s going on with you.”
He kept his eyes glued to the game, the commentator’s words drowning out his slurred reply. 
“I dunno. Have the place to myself considering my girlfriend left me. Just wanted a beer.”
“Left you?” you said in sheer disbelief. “I’m staying with my parents for a weekend and you think I left you?”
He shrugged. “You left me a while ago. You never want to sleep together anymore. We’re hardly even in the same bed, and when we are, you don’t tell me anything. You don’t visit me at work anymore. We haven’t gone on a proper date in forever. You’re always… gone. Even when you’re here, it’s like you’re not really here.”
It was the first time he sounded sober so far. Your heartbeat quickened with anxiety, as you weren’t prepared to be put on the spot like this.
You took a seat beside him timidly, folding your hands in your lap. 
“Is that what this is about?”
 “That’s what this has always been about!” he shouted, and you jumped in your seat. “Just say you don’t want this! Any of this,” he said, gesturing to the environment around you. 
You shook your head. “I’m just stressed. I still want this, I want you.” 
“Then why don’t you fucking act like it?” he questioned. You felt your eyes welling up with tears. 
“When have I not acted like it?”
“When you decided your work was more important than us.”
“I have never once put more value into my job than our relationship. You know that. Just because we haven’t had sex or cuddled in a little while doesn’t mean I’m not still here.”
Mark threw his arms up and let out an exasperated sigh, beginning to cry. 
“I lost my fucking job,” he said suddenly, hot tears streaming down his face 
“You- What?” you said, mouth slightly parted in shock. 
He buried his face in the palms of his hands, letting the beer bottle rest on his knee. 
“They let me go.”
“When?” you asked, turning your body to face him more. 
“Couple weeks ago.”
“Weeks?” you repeated. “Mark, why didn’t you tell me?”
He slouched further back into the couch. “I’m a fucking loser.”
“You’re not a loser,” you said. “You’re going through a tough time.” 
You scooted closer to him, enveloping him in a hug and rubbing his knee soothingly. 
“Where have you been if not the lab?” You asked suddenly, remembering he’d been gone for hours each night consistently. 
He rolled his eyes, pulling away from you. “Does it matter?”
You squinted. “I’m just wondering.”
Mark shut his eyes, taking another swig of beer and ignoring your question. “I need a nap.”
You got up from the couch, gathering the garbage that surrounded him and making your way back to the kitchen. 
“I’m gonna clean a little and grab my things. I just came here for a change of clothes.”
Soft snores emitted from the living room. 
You spent the better part of your day cleaning the apartment and organizing Mark’s stuff. You probably threw away dozens of takeout boxes and empty beer bottles, pinching your nose at the stench they left behind. 
When things seemed habitable again, you grabbed a fresh set of clothes and left the apartment, careful not to wake a sleeping Mark on the sofa. 
*
“You don’t know how long I could stare into your picture, and wish that it was me”
After stopping by your favorite ramen place for dinner and running a few errands, you returned to your parents’ amidst the rush of traffic, looking up at the vast navy sky. It was already nearing nighttime, and you knew Felix was visiting tonight. You’d be lying if you said it wasn’t the only part of your day you were looking forward to. 
You showered again, washing the smell of beer and old takeout off your skin. And you dressed up in a cuter set of pajamas this time, matching your tank top to your shorts and completing it with a silky French braid. 
You were glad you had remembered to grab a few books from your nightstand at the apartment, settling down under your dimly-lit lamp to continue one you had already started. 
And just past midnight, three knocks came from your window. 
Felix climbed in with ease, setting a bag down on your desk and slipping off his sneakers. He looked fancier than you’d ever seen him before, light wash jeans accompanying a fitted black shirt and a leather jacket. You bit back a smile at the sight, wishing he’d owned it back when you were allowed to rip it off him. 
“Hey,” he said with a smile, sounding out of breath. 
“Hi,” you replied gently. “What’s with the fancy outfit?”
He chuckled. “We went to this dinner thing. I dunno, I think I just overdress wherever I go these days.”
You smiled up at him. “It looks good. Maybe overdressing is a good thing.”
“Yeah?” he said. “Maybe.”
You took your seat on the bed, resting against the headboard and crossing your legs. 
“How was your day?” he asked. It reminded you of when he’d catch up on your day between hungry kisses before you got intimate. Part of you wished it was still that way. 
You shrugged. “Not the best.”
“Why?” he said, furrowing his brows and sitting across from you, also cross-legged. 
 “Just… a lot. Back home.”
He cocked his head. “Back home? Wait so you don’t… you don’t live here anymore?”
You audibly laughed. “You thought I stayed in this dingy part of town? In this empty room? Of course not!”
“Where do you live then?”
“I’m on the south side, a little drive out from here. I just came to say hi to my parents for a bit. And to get a break from…” your voice trailed off. 
“From?” he said, urging you to finish.
“From… my boyfriend.”
Felix felt his heart sink.
He knew you agreed to remain friends. He knew he had an obligation to keep things platonic. He knew how you felt about what happened before. But he still held on to a sliver of hope that you’d be single by the time he came back to visit. Wishful thinking indeed. 
“Ah, boyfriend,” he said awkwardly. “That’s cool.”
You nodded. Sensing the awkward tension in the air, you changed the subject.
“What’s in the bag?”
He glanced over at it, shrugging casually. “Baked you a few things. There’s some brownies, lemon tarts and salted caramel cookies. Though I think I needed more caramel on those.”
You grinned at him, shaking your head. “You’re exactly the same. Still got a thing for baking. And spoiling people.”
He smiled back at you, a glint of sadness in his expression. “I never stopped.”
The night was spent catching up once again, you getting more glimpses into his life as an idol, and him learning all about your job and its attributes. Felix was careful not to bring up any topics that might lead back to your boyfriend, still feeling overwhelmed at the mention of one in the first place. Call it immature, but he was undeniably jealous. 
Yet every time the room fell silent, his mind wandered back to that minute detail. What did he look like? What did he do for work? How often did the two of you have sex? Were you in love?
Questions he wished he could pry and get an answer to, but ones he knew would push you away. So he kept silent, engaging in surface-level conversation that hardly satisfied his need to understand you. 
At half past two, you let out a yawn, feeling your eyelids getting heavy. 
“Tired?” he asked, licking a cookie crumb off the tip of his thumb. 
You nodded, stretching out your legs and pulling the blankets over you. You fluffed your pillow before resting a hand below your cheek and laying on it, staring up at Felix who still sat across from you. 
He swallowed nervously, admiring the way your long lashes blinked up at him so innocently. He remembered that from years ago, a little move that always drove him crazy. 
“You want to stay?” you asked quietly.
He swallowed again, feeling his ears get hot. 
“I… don’t want to make it weird. Especially with…” his voice trailed off. He couldn’t bring himself to circle back to the boyfriend topic.
“It’s not weird. We’re friends,” you explained. “You can just take the other side and we won’t cuddle or anything.”
Felix’s heart raced at the suggestion. Though he would have preferred cuddling, even as friends, he couldn’t bring himself to decline your offer. He wanted nothing more than to hear your snores as you drifted off to sleep beside him. 
“Okay,” he finally replied, removing his jacket and running a hand through his hair. 
“You still have a change of clothes in the left drawer,” you said in a sleepy voice. “And your toothbrush is still in the bathroom.”
Felix successfully found the change of clothes, comfortably slipping into them and brushing his teeth with the familiar blue toothbrush you always kept for him. 
When he returned, your lashes fluttered open, smiling up at the sight of him. “Cute,” you said quietly.
He felt his heartbeat quicken. There it was again- that feeling he got in the pit of his stomach when he had to remind himself to keep it platonic. Not to smother you with kisses, not to hold you while you slept. But to behave the way a friend did- one with a friend he was wildly attracted to, who also now happened to have a boyfriend. 
“Thanks,” Felix said, trying his best to sound nonchalant. 
He slipped into the bed next to you, pulling the blankets up to his torso and staring up at the ceiling. It was a sight he wasn’t used to, locking eyes with the white canvas above him. Normally he’d lay on his side, arms wrapped tightly around you, legs lazily hoisted over yours as he pressed little kisses to your face and whispered sweet nothings in your ear. 
The feeling felt strange, unnatural, even. Like lying beside a stranger in a foreign place. Not to mention the new addition of clothes- normally, Felix would get himself cleaned up and change into a clean pair of boxers. Sometimes, he wore nothing at all. The white t-shirt and patterned shorts were among the new developments in your friendship with him. 
“Need to charge my phone,” he said suddenly, sitting up and reaching for his phone from beside him. 
“Would you plug mine in, too?” you said, eyes still shut as sleep began to wash over you. 
He reached for yours, balancing the two phones in one hand as he made his way across the room to a spare outlet. First he plugged in his own, the little chime confirming the outlet worked. And then yours- the glow of your lockscreen making him squint against the brightness. He glanced over his shoulder at your sleeping frame, small breaths emitting from your mouth as you dozed. 
A growing curiosity led him to tap the screen as it dimmed again, examining the photo set as your background. 
It was a man, presumably your boyfriend, dressed in a black jacket and a snug black beanie, smiling at the camera as one slender hand gripped a spoonful of ice cream.  
Felix felt his stomach churn. He carefully observed all of his features- big brown eyes, dark slanted brows and a strong, masculine jawline. He was handsome- hell, he was hot. 
Felix painfully imagined the scenario that preceded the photo. First date? Second date? Hundredth date? Did he kiss you before, or after the picture was taken? Had the same spoon been used to feed you ice cream? Did you already live together at the time? What was his reaction at the photo finding a place on your lockscreen?
Felix clenched his jaw. He hoped the guy appreciated you making the photo a permanent part of your routine. The same photo you’d look at when you woke up in the morning, the same photo you’d look at right before going to sleep at night. The photo you’d see before dialing your mom or dad. The photo you’d see if Felix were to call. 
As he sat observing the photo, refreshing the dimming light for a third time, a small buzz caught his attention. There on your phone, a text banner covered the guy’s face. Felix scanned it briefly, knowing he really shouldn’t be prying in your text messages like this. 
Mark: Sorry about today
Felix raised an eyebrow. It must’ve been the guy on the lockscreen. A little heart emoji next to his name confirmed his suspicion. Another text came through as he finished reading. 
Mark: I should’ve told u 
He frowned. Told you what? What had happened before he came over tonight? Is that why you seemed upset?
Mark: Sorry for yelling. Thanks for fixing the place 
Mark: I’ll explain when you get back 
Mark: I don’t deserve you 
Felix scoffed silently. At least he knew that much. 
Mark: I still love you
And then he froze. The four words made his heart stop briefly.
He knew you’d been seeing someone new. He knew you weren’t single, and that you and him were not going to hook up. Let alone be in any form of an intimate relationship. 
But he hadn’t considered that the two of you were on “I love you” terms. The thought of it made his throat dry. You were entirely in love with someone, and it wasn’t him. It was never going to be him. For a fleeting second, Felix considered leaving. There was no reason to be here- in bed, asleep next to someone he’d felt so complicated about. He’d just grab his things and disappear out the window, probably never coming to visit you again. The presence of Mark in your life would likely fill the microscopic hole that was the absence of Felix’s. 
“Felix?” you said in a whisper. “Are you coming to bed?”
And he melted at the sound of your voice all over again. Giddy at the thought of being close to you again, of smelling your familiar scent and waking up next to you when Mark surely wouldn’t. 
“Coming,” Felix replied. “Just letting my mom know I’ll be late tomorrow.”
And before he could think it over any further, he slipped back into bed beside you. Hands folded over his chest, staring up at the ceiling that now seemed much more inviting than the thought of leaving you to sleep alone. The picture of Mark was etched in his mind like a painful tattoo, and he winced when he remembered the texts you would wake up to.
But not before you slept beside him first, gracing his presence with your light snores and sweet scent. Something Mark wouldn’t get for at least tonight- and for that reason alone, he was satisfied. 
*
“I dreamt I was standing in your doorstep, licking sweat off of your forehead, with your finger in my mouth, and the sound when leather jackets hit the ground”
Labored breaths escaped your parted lips as you slept, turning over in discomfort. 
You’d fallen asleep hours ago, Felix following shortly after. And quickly, he found his way into your dreams. 
Maybe it was the absence of intimacy between you and Mark, or maybe it was that stupid leather jacket Felix had worn tonight. Either way, your mind was clouded with images of it, painting vivid pictures of it on the floor between you. 
Felix towered over you, blonde hair falling into his face as he tilted your chin up to meet his, pressing wet kisses to your lips and neck. Your hands remained at your sides, waiting for him to take the lead. 
An eager hand snaked up your frame, finding its way to your mouth, where he interrupted the kiss by sliding a slender finger into your lips. You sucked obediently, never letting your eyes lose sight of his. 
When you’d soaked him in your spit, he guided you backward to the bed, desperately parting your legs and inserting two fingers into your aching sex. You gripped his forearms with pleasure, moaning against his lanky figure and begging for more. 
He hummed at your noises, pressing the hardness in his boxers against your core. When you gasped in response, he stood up again, running a hand through his hair as you watched him pull the waistband down lower, lower… 
Your own gasps woke you up, pausing at the realization of how much you’d sweated onto your sheets. Felix was sound asleep on the pillow next to you, his chest rising and falling gently with his snores.
You glanced at the time. It was just past 3. Felix had not even been asleep for a full hour, and yet here you were having lewd visions of him fingering you in the very spot you slept. You quietly slipped out from the covers, strolling to the bathroom and shutting the door behind you. 
You didn’t bother turning on the light, afraid you would wake Felix and cause him concern so late at night. Instead, you pushed aside the curtain in the bathroom window, allowing silver-blue moonlight to illuminate the room around you, observing your disheveled appearance in the mirror above the sink. Beads of sweat glued curly strands of hair to your forehead. 
Still aware of the heat in your core, you pulled down your shorts, and then your panties, quietly gasping at the sight. They almost peeled away from your wetness, stringy white lines of desperation disappearing on to the soaked spot where your longing for him made itself known. 
All it took was that stupid leather jacket, and here you were, almost cumming at the sight of him in dream. 
You couldn’t help yourself, letting one finger circle the pool that had accumulated between your thighs. The panting began gradually, as your mind wandered back to where you’d been so rudely interrupted in your dream.
You continued the fantasy of his boxers being pulled fully down, eyebrows arched in pleasure at the thought of his cock springing out, all hard and leaky and ready for you. In consciousness you’d probably tease him, a gentle hand caressing his length as you’d coo little compliments up at him, admiring the way he could barely contain himself. 
You’d bend yourself over the side of the bed, instructing him to use you, to fuck you hard, until he was satisfied. And he would, his length finding its way to your aching pussy, rubbing his wet head over your clit until you were begging to have him inside you. 
You could feel yourself getting close as you fantasized when he’d slide into you, his erection stretching you out the way it did all those years ago. You’d promise with pleading in your voice that you’d let him use you whenever he wanted, however he pleased, so that you’d get used to his familiar size and shape again. 
And he would smile between hard thrusts, picking up the pace as his hand would find its way to the small of your back, rubbing a thumb along your skin soothingly before leaning over and pressing a wet kiss on your shoulders.
Your moans would fill the room, saying his name like a prayer you’d repeat again and again, the four walls around you teeming with echoes of wet skin and filthy words. 
And that same gentle hand would caress your throat as he found his release, this time inside of you. He’d shower you with praise the way he always did, his deep voice making your skin tingle as he pressed little kisses to your neck and ear. And you’d kiss away his tears, staying close to him until sleep called your name.
As your mind drifted back into reality, you brought a finger up, observing the way you’d made a mess of yourself right in front of the sink. You parted two fingers curiously, white cum glistening under the moonlight. 
How pathetic. You’d been the one to establish boundaries again. You’d been the one who specified this was a platonic occurrence. 
Yet here you were, masturbating to filthy thoughts of him while he slept in the room next door, knowing very well you had a boyfriend waiting for you back home. 
After getting cleaned up, you found your way back to the bed, crawling in next to him like a guilty sinner. He turned to face you in his sleep with small breaths escaping his parted lips. 
Felix looked like an angel at this time of night. But the thoughts he gave you were anything except saint-like. 
*
Felix had to leave again in the morning, waking you up as he sat up in bed and stretched beside you. 
“Felix?” you said, memories of last night flooding your head all over again. You hoped he didn’t hear you in the bathroom. 
“Didn’t mean to wake you,” he replied, his raspy morning voice sending shivers down your spine. “Have to go get some stuff done today.”
You turned over so that you were facing him and stared up at him through groggy eyes. 
He tucked his hair behind his ears, looking down at you and giving you a small smile. The sunlight kissed his blonde hair, setting it aglow and making it appear almost white. His eyes were puffy with exhaustion, but his smile exuded that of a restful night. 
“Did you sleep well?” he asked. 
You thought back to a few hours ago. 
“Yeah. Better than I have in a while. You?”
He rubbed an eye, nodding. “I feel less tense.”
“Good,” you said. Maybe his dream self relieving some tension had carried over into his consciousness. 
“Do you want to do something tonight?” Felix asked suddenly. “I mean, like, go somewhere? I feel bad that we’ve only been catching up at ungodly hours of the night and then I have to leave.”
You reached a hand out, playing with a loose hem on his shirt. “Yeah. That sounds nice.”
He smiled again. “Cool. I’ll pick you up at around 6? We’ll go somewhere fancy.”
You nodded, shutting your eyes again. 
Without another word, he was out of the bed, pulling on his clothes from yesterday and neatly folding the pajamas before storing them back in the dresser. 
“Don’t forget your jacket,” you said, giving him an amused smile as he pulled it off your desk chair and draped it over one arm. 
“Oh yeah, thanks,” Felix replied. 
And with a small wave he disappeared out the window again, leaving you to the vacant room with thoughts running rampant. 
*
“I guess it’s different ‘cause you love him, but I’ve got an interactive sick and twisted imagination”
It was no use. Felix couldn’t behave like a normal functioning human when he wasn’t around you. Nor when he was around you. His mind wandered back to that photo set as your lockscreen- of Mark holding a spoonful of ice cream, looking handsome and intimate. 
As he sat in the backseat of the van, his mom talking the family’s ear off about plans for his sister’s upcoming graduation, he gritted his teeth remembering the texts.
He wondered if you read them yet, and how you felt about them. Maybe you were elated to hear from Mark, traveling back to the apartment to make love to him and accept his half-assed apology. Maybe you had already broken up with him, finally realizing your true feelings for Felix and waiting up for him in bed like you used to, only this time madly in love. 
Felix felt like such a loser. He could no longer deny the way he felt about you, constantly wondering what you were doing when he wasn’t around, who you were interacting with, and how often you thought of him. He’d give anything to crawl around in your mind and find out how you felt about him now that things were this different. He probably would’ve snooped through your phone last night if it wasn’t locked, to find a trace of him, and come to the absurd conclusion that you wanted him just as badly as he wanted you. 
Felix glanced down at his phone, opening Instagram for the millionth time today and clicking on your user. You didn’t use it much, but the 18 little squares did provide a window into your life without Felix, and he hated it. 
He hated to see you in a short dress at a club he wasn’t aware of. Hated to see your graduation photos, ones he wished he would’ve received when they were taken. 
Hated to see the pictures you had with Mark. One whole carousel dedicated to him, ten random photos you selected for a birthday post. A selfie of the two of you in bed, a funny picture of him wearing a face mask, a photo from when he let you make little braids in his hair and posed for you. And another photo from that same ice cream date, a different angle, but just as handsome and intimate as the first time. 
Felix clicked on all the same photos, reading the captions over again, stalking users from the comment sections and piecing together who they were in relation to you. But it was no use. No amount of obsessive stalking was going to make you like him. You had a life without him, beyond what you had five years ago. You’d been right about that.
Felix sighed, locking his phone again and thinking back to last night. He’d been so ecstatic to spend the night by your side again. It felt like home. He felt safe. 
He hoped you didn’t notice the erection that troubled him early into the night. He’d been forced to focus on his breathing patterns, moving as far away from you as possible to not get aroused by your sleeping figure. He remembered you getting up at some point, a brief interval of time which he felt empty and exposed without you in your bed. When you’d returned, he felt his heart could burst, suddenly overjoyed at the reminder that you were here beside him in your bed. And that it would remain that way until morning broke. Each passing minute worried him, and he so badly wished he could freeze time and stay with you in your bed forever.
“Felix?” a voice interrupted. He snapped his head up to the mirror, humming in response to his mom. 
“Should we coordinate so you can stay at the cabin with us? Or do you want your own room?”
His sister’s graduation. She’d planned a few days with her friends to stay by the lake, and most of Felix’s family would be at the neighboring cabin. 
“Oh, uh… I dunno, I was planning something with a few friends.”
“That’s okay,” she responded. “I know you have a lot you wanted to do.”
Her voice trailed back to the topic of their plans, and Felix’s mind wandered back to you. His family being away meant he had you to himself for a few days, and he wouldn’t have to leave you in the mornings. He bit back a smile at the thought of staying in bed with you all day. Even just as friends.
But the change of plans meant he had to organize something special tonight. Dinner? A movie? The two of you seldom saw movies together back then, always leaving 20 minutes in to go get busy in his car. He wasn’t even sure if you still liked all the same restaurants. 
But he did have one thing in mind, and he hoped it would help you forget all about Mark. 
*
When you woke for a second time, it was well past 11. You rubbed your eyes of sleep, surprised at how tired you’d been all week. Last night’s events really relieved your stress- maybe a little too much. 
You made your way to your phone, several notifications catching your eye. 
Ten total texts from Mark, a few from last night, the last one being just an hour ago. 
Mark: Call me when you can
Mark: I want to talk
Mark: Can you come over at all?
Mark: Sorry
You furrowed your brows, the texts ringing several alarms in your head. The constant apologies, the urgency to speak with you. The fight hadn’t been that bad, right? Did you remember it differently?
And one from Felix, who seldom texted you. The two of you were still getting acquainted with speaking through little messages like this- you didn’t have to in the past because you were always together. Phone calls were your preferred method of communicating with him if anything, but his texts were always so innocent, and knowing he was thinking of you made you smile. 
Felix: 🐣
The little emoji made you giggle, momentarily forgetting about Mark’s eagerness to speak with you. You shot him back a little emoji in response, settling on the sun, representative of both the day outside and his presence in your life. Sunshine. 
You put your phone face down on the bed again, gathering your clothes and toiletries for a shower. You had to go see Mark, and something told you it was going to be a long, long conversation. 
After a quick shower and some breakfast, (or lunch, rather), you were off to see Mark again. 
*
The apartment was beginning to look messy all over again. There were more takeout boxes sprawled along the counter, random belongings on the dining table and dishes stacked on the coffee table. 
“Mark?” you called out. 
“In the bedroom,” he shouted back, a somber tone in his voice. 
You kicked off your shoes and followed to your shared room, and the state of it confused you.
His clothes, stacked high on the bed, some hung neatly on hangers and some folded. His collection of sneakers, piled in one corner, along with his belts and hats. And miscellaneous paraphernalia that belonged to him- journals, briefcases, mementos.  
“Mark?” you said, taking in the sight. 
He looked up at you, pulling his lips in a thin line. He looked as though he’d been crying.
“Sit,” he said plainly. You complied. 
Before he said anything, he let out a heavy sigh, scratching the back of his head. 
“I never meant for you to find out like this,” Mark said. 
You waited for him to continue. 
“I just… things were hard. And I guess it was hard to come to you about it, because you always have your shit together.”
You twiddled your thumbs together nervously, “You’re leaving, aren’t you?”
He looked behind him at the pile of clothes. “I didn’t think you’d want me around anymore.”
You turned to look at him, a little angry at him for jumping to conclusions like this. “I’ve done nothing but care for you. You’ve been here at some of my lowest points. Why do you discredit me when I’m here for yours?”
He looked at the floor, saying nothing.
“I mean for god’s sake Mark, not telling me about your job is one thing. But you’re going to act like I’m the bad guy for needing a little space when we’re going through a rough patch? I let you have the place for a bit, doesn’t mean I’m not coming back for you. I love you and you know that.”
He swallowed. “I just don’t know how we’re supposed to come back from this.”
“Come back from what, you drinking here and there to cope? A small argument we had last night?”
“Me sleeping with my lab partner,” Mark blurted out.
You fell silent. A wave of shock washed over you, and then distress. Your throat went dry, your eyes trembling with tears prematurely. 
“You what?” you asked, your voice coming out in a whisper. 
Mark hung his head. “I thought you knew.”
“No I didn’t fucking know! Jesus, Mark! How long has this been going on?” The tears began to fall, staining your face with mascara. 
“Four months,” he answered. Mark didn’t cry, nor did he raise his voice. It was a casual confession, like he’d been waiting to tell you all this time. 
Mark hadn’t even been out of a job four months ago. The cheating had begun when you two were still on good terms. Or so you’d thought. 
You nodded, silent sobs escaping your lips. Mark watched you with a guilt-ridden expression, knowing that this was it. 
“Okay,” you said, standing up from the bed and slinging your purse over your shoulder. 
He stood up too, observing your face. “I’ll be out by the time you’re back. I already arranged for my stuff to be picked up.”
His nonchalant tone angered you. You wanted to scream, to hit him and try anything to make him stay. But the truth was, you’d already lost Mark a long time ago. 
The two of you had been nothing but strangers in a joint bedroom, pretending nothing had gone awry, when in actuality, your feelings were just as convoluted as his. Maybe it was the stress of your job, or the existence of a routine that drove you crazy most days. Either way, you hadn’t been happy with him for a long time. The same rang true for Mark. 
“Can I ask you something?” You said before leaving. 
He paused with baited breath. 
“Why did you act like I was the one who threw this all away?”
He hung his head again. “Like I said before. It was hard to come to you about it. You always have your shit together. You always know what you want. And I think…” his voice trailed off. You raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to finish. 
“I think your heart might be elsewhere too.” 
It was your turn to shift to an expression of guilt. Had he known all this time? About your complex feelings? About Felix coming back, and your nights with him, albeit nothing intimate? 
Though you wanted to defend yourself, you couldn’t. Instead, you pursed your lips together, nodding reluctantly in silence.
“I’ll be back in a few days,” you said. “Can we grab a coffee or something soon?”
Mark’s expression softened. He took a step forward, opening his arms for a hug, which you stepped into. His hugs, always so familiar- the scent of his cedar cologne and the firmness of his arms always felt like home. Or at least they did until this point of your life- maybe your chapter in this apartment with Mark was finally at a close. 
“Of course we can,” he said, his voice muffled into your tear-stained shoulder. 
And there you stood, basking in the last fragments of the place you’d called home for so long. 
*
“Do you like these little sonnets? ‘Cause I wrote them just for you”
In all honesty, the last thing you wanted to do was go out tonight. You’d spent the afternoon crying in your room, grieving the last few days you had with Mark. He’d been a steady part of your adult life for as long as you’d known it, and suddenly, he just… wasn’t anymore. 
You wanted to call him and ask if he was still seeing the girl he’d cheated with. A part of you wanted to hate him, but the other part just wanted him to be happy. Maybe this adult life was something you needed to navigate away from each other now. Maybe this routine wasn’t healthy for either of you. Since your freshman year of college, Mark was all you’d ever known. You hadn’t slept with anyone else, hadn’t dated anyone else, and hadn’t really met other men aside from his friends. But the thought of navigating the future without him was petrifying. 
On the other hand, you longed for the uncertainty. You wanted to have the freedom to go out and come home late, not having to worry about anyone waiting up for you. You wanted to discover new things about yourself, see the world, and make your own coffee at night when you worked. It’s not that you didn’t appreciate everything Mark did for you in that sense, but when incorporated into the repetitive routine of adulthood, they had lost meaning to both of you. Maybe that’s why Mark sought something else in another woman. 
And maybe that’s why you couldn’t push Felix away anymore. 
You weren’t sure about any of it. But you did know Mark seemed to have a weight off his shoulders. And you did know sleeping next to Felix felt… right. It felt safe again. It felt like home. 
You packed a few of your nicer clothes from the apartment, trying on variations of them in the bathroom mirror back at your parents’ house. 
Felix had called briefly to tell you to wear something that would match his black suit, and you were intrigued by the amusement in his voice. But you also faked your excitement on the phone, trying your best to hold back tears and sniffles.
So you settled on a silky maroon dress, the draped neckline accentuating the curve of your breasts and hugging your waist like it was tailored to you. A pair of black heels complemented your dress, and you felt sexy for the first time in a while. 
Felix called you when he arrived, almost on the dot. 
“I’m here,” he said. “Do you want me to go up? Or- are you parents home? I should probably say hi.”
You giggled at his nervousness. Just about anything made Felix nervous. He was an over thinker at heart. 
“I’ll meet you out there,” you said.
As you adjusted your earrings in the mirror, a wave of sadness washed over you again. It had been this very dress that you’d worn when Mark was a guest speaker at your school’s biology department. He loved the color on you- even made sure he snapped a few photos of you in it before tearing it off between kisses. 
You shook your head, ridding yourself of the memories, and tried your best to remind yourself that tonight was for fun. You needed a night to get your mind off things, to think of something other than your job and Mark. 
You made your way outside, and Felix stepped out from the driver’s seat, hands folded behind his back nervously. You locked up behind you and carefully started toward the car, Felix jogging up to meet you halfway. 
“Wow…” he said, staring at you in wonder. 
You chuckled, feeling a blush rise in your cheeks. 
“You look…” he started, losing track of his words as his eyes locked with yours. 
He brought two fingers up to his neck, discreetly checking for a pulse as you smiled at him. It was a habit he’d done since he was young- an even cuter one considering he always thought you’d never noticed.
“You look very pretty,” he finished, a twinkle in his eyes as he spoke. 
“Thanks,” you replied. “You look very handsome.”
Felix checked for a pulse again, playing it off as an itch on the crook of his neck. 
“Ready?” you asked as he stood in silence. 
“Yeah,” Felix replied, trying his best to snap out of the trance he was in. 
The two of you made your way to the car, Felix holding the door for you, and sat quietly for a moment while he confirmed the address on his phone. 
“Where are we going?” You asked. He only smiled at you. 
“It’s a surprise.”
Once he started the GPS, the two of you chatted the whole drive, exchanging stories about your families and friends. Felix told you about his sister’s graduation party, and that he would have the place to himself for a few days. Doing his best to slip in a casual invitation for you to spend the night. (Platonically, of course.)
You told him all about what your own graduation was like- down to the hangover you had after clubbing for 13 hours straight. Felix couldn’t help but wonder where Mark fit into your story. 
The drive was much like they used to be. Aside from the steamy moments you used to share, conversations were always the most fun part about being around Felix. He always had something new to tell you, little tales that kept you on your feet and drew you even closer to him. It seemed that after five long years, you could finally reciprocate with your own fascinating anecdotes. 
Before you knew it, the two of you had arrived at a hotel, finding a parking spot in the garage below. You stepped out and looked around, wrapping your arms around yourself and inhaling the cool breeze. 
“Cold?” Felix asked, and you shook your head. 
“Feels nice, actually.”
You linked arms with him as he led you into the building and to the elevator, where another elegant looking man pressed the up button for the two of you. A little bell chime indicated it was at your level, the double doors opening slowly in front of you. Felix ushered you in first, following carefully behind you and pressing the silver circle marked ‘R’. 
As the elevator began, it jerked with force, causing you to gasp and grip the bar to the left of you. Felix moved closer to you, placing a gentle hand on your waist as the ride continued. You felt goosebumps form on your skin at his touch, remembering all too well how it had felt back then. It still made your heart race. 
When you arrived, the double doors slid open again, and you gasped at the view in front of you. It was a rooftop restaurant overlooking the city, thousands of little buildings below you glowing like stars in the night sky. The tables were neatly lined with white tablecloths and candles. And the best part? The rooftop was empty, aside from a waiter who politely gestured to the table nearest the ledge. You bowed graciously as he led the way and poured you both a glass of champagne, placing two menus on the table before he left. 
As you stared awestruck at the skyline, Felix’s gaze remained locked on your gentle expression. His heart raced watching you smile, eyes twinkling with reflections of the city he called home. 
“Do you like it?” He asked.
“Like it?” You repeated. “Felix, it’s so beautiful up here... How’d you even find this place?” You turned to look at him and he glanced down nervously at the menu, feeling his heart might burst with affection.
“Heard of it through a friend.”
He wasn’t going to tell you the truth of course- that he spent nearly two hours of his day in the backseat of his parents’ van googling romantic dinner locations in the city. Calling up 14 in total for a last minute reservation, eventually convincing his manager to have them clear the reservation list so you’d have the privacy you deserved. Which he paid extra for- along with the private parking spot, a table closest to the ledge, and the specialty request champagne. 
“Raspberries?” You said curiously, taking a sip of the sparkling beverage. A raspberry champagne cocktail on ice- a recipe Felix found online and personally requested. 
“Wow, you have to try the champagne,” you told Felix, eyes glimmering at the heavenly flavor. He knew you’d like it.
When the waiter came back to your table, Felix ordered you both a mutual favorite of chicken risotto, handing your menus to the waiter and turning back to you with a shy smile. 
“What?” You asked playfully. 
He giggled. “Nothing. It’s just nice to be here with you.”
You nodded, taking another sip of champagne. Of course, memories of your day with Mark still plagued your mind. You didn’t want to give Felix the wrong idea considering you were still going through a rough patch, unsure of what the future even held for the two of you. Keep it casual, you reminded yourself. 
“It is nice,” you said. “I needed an outing like this with my best friend.”
Felix’s smile faded a little, reaching for his own glass of champagne and taking a big sip. He cleared his throat, his coughing getting louder as he set the glass down. 
“Are you okay?” You asked. 
He nodded with flushed cheeks and watery eyes. “Raspberry. Got stuck in my throat.”
You slid him a napkin and he wiped his mouth of the pink residue, turning away to not embarrass himself further.
“Do you want me to get you a glass of water?” You asked with concern in your voice. 
“I’ll do it,” he said quickly, standing up from the table. I’m doing so, he bumped his knee on the edge, knocking his glass over and staining the white tablecloth. 
“Fuck,” Felix said angrily. “Shit.”
You placed the glass upright again. “It’s okay, we can just remove the tablecloth.” You glanced around the rooftop for the waiter who’d been away at the kitchen. 
Felix piled the cutlery with shaky hands, dropping a fork with a loud clang as he scrambled to remove the tablecloth. You noticed his shakiness and reached out to place a hand gently over his own. He stopped to look at you with wide eyes. 
“Felix,” you said. “Breathe.”
He took a deep breath and blinked a few times at you. 
“Sorry,” Felix said, embarrassment evident in his voice. “It’s been a while since…” his voice trailed off, knowing he wasn’t allowed to refer to this as a date. 
“It’s okay,” you said. “It’s just me.”
Just you, Felix thought. Just the woman he’d been fawning over for years. Just the woman he hadn’t forgotten once in the span of his new life. The woman he looked for in everyone, in everything. The woman he couldn’t form sentences around or stop stumbling over himself.
“Just you” was the problem. 
Felix sat down across from you again, and the waiter returned with your food, placing it on the bare wooden table with a questioning look. Felix sheepishly handed him the strained tablecloth. 
Felix’s nervousness had always been charming to you. You couldn’t help but smile at the way he’d display those same mannerisms from years ago, desperate to look “cool”, and being anything but in the process. 
“What?” Felix asked you this time, cutting into his chicken. 
“Nothing,” you said. “I think it’s better without the tablecloth anyway.”
He huffed out a laugh. “It was a little overkill.”
“Oh, definitely. In fact, they should’ve swapped our table for one of those plastic outdoor ones. Those are peak fine dining. Or maybe those cheeseburger stools from McDonald’s? Now that would’ve been impressive.”
Felix laughed loudly, and you joined him, watching as his shoulders relaxed with every movement. 
As the night progressed, Felix seemed a lot more comfortable, finally coming around to the idea of having dinner with his best friend- nothing more. Memories of Mark tainted your mind when the night fell silent, and the images of him were still burned into Felix’s mind. But you both embraced the night with open arms, like you were the only two who existed in this timeline- the way it was when you were just kids. 
At the end of the night, you got up to get a better look at the view. Felix followed, snapping a few photos and dragging you into one for a selfie in front of the skyline. 
You wrapped your arms around yourself, admiring the way everything looked so small from up here. So insignificant, so fleeting. Like your life was a city, and every building was just a small part of it, no matter how big it seemed from down there. 
“See there?” You said, pointing at the south side. “That’s where my apartment is.”
Felix looked out, squinting at the horizon. 
“And there,” you said, pointing in another direction. “Is where my university was.”
From the corner of your eye, you could tell Felix wasn’t looking at the skyline anymore. He had his gaze locked on you, carefully observing the way your hair flowed in the gentle night time breeze. Two fingers worked their way up to check his pulse again- still breathing. 
You didn’t look back at him. Instead, you studied the way the city seemed to change by the minute. Planes with flashing lights flickering in thick fog, cars that drove by in the blink of an eye. Offices still with their lights on, apartments and houses already asleep for the night. It was all so changing- so uncertain. You could take pictures just seconds apart and it’d be the same place, but never the exact same moment in time.
“Want to get going?” You asked, still aware of his eyes on you. 
“Yeah,” Felix said quietly. He wasn’t sure what he’d been hoping for, but he felt briefly disappointed. 
You finally turned to him, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear and smiling at him. “Come on then.”
Felix led you down the stairs to the elevator, where you both entered, and he pushed a silver circle marked 17.
You cocked your head in confusion. “Isn’t it the garage level?”
A knowing smile met your confused expression. “I booked us a room for the night.”
It was the last of Felix’s surprises- one he knew you’d be excited about. Similarly, one he hoped wouldn’t overstep his boundaries. Fancy hotel rooms were something the two of you only dreamt of in the past, joking about how you’d order one of everything from room service and sleep in everyday till noon. Along with a list of other things you always wanted to try, but he knew very well that was no longer a part of the plan. He didn’t mind, simply wanting to spend a night by your side in a room that wasn’t your childhood bedroom. Now that he could afford it, he’d make sure you experienced everything you once wanted to. 
“Felix…” you began. “This is too much.”
He shook his head nonchalantly. “It’s a little day trip. You don’t work tomorrow and my family’s out for the weekend. Might as well stay while we’re here.”
The elevator stopped at your floor and you got off, following his strut down the hall as he found your room. He pulled a white card out from the pocket of his suit, scanning it and pushing the door open with ease. 
“Come on,” he said, gesturing for you to follow him. 
The sweet scent of vanilla and sandalwood filled the room all around you in an instant. You gasped at the sight of tall clear windows that overlooked the same skyline view you had at dinner. Two massive beds occupied the middle of the room that connected to a single bathroom.
“What about our stuff?” You said suddenly, unable to imagine sleeping in this gown. 
“The staff’s already on their way up with our bags. You don’t have to worry about that.”
 Felix sat on the edge of the bed, arms rested behind him. You made your way over to him, sitting opposite him on your own bed, unable to speak. 
“I… I don’t even know what to say.”
He chuckled. “You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted to do something fun for my best friend.”
“Thank you,” you said. “Seriously- thank you. This has been the best surprise after such a… shitty week. I really needed this.”
“I’m glad,” Felix replied. “That was my plan.” He laid back on the white duvet, spreading his limbs out along the surface. “Now can we please order some dessert from room service?”
*
“We wanna talk about sex but we’re not allowed” 
“Solid 6/10.” 
“What?” You replied. “No way.”
“Way,” Felix replied. “The vanilla tastes… bitter.”
“Bitter? Are we eating the same thing?”
“Crème brûlée. Bitter crème brûlée.” He remarked. 
You laughed, setting down your fork. 
“Okay, last one.” You lifted the silver dome cover off the last plate, revealing a single slice of cheesecake. 
“Now this one I’m judging harshly,” Felix said. 
“You judged all of them harshly!” You said jokingly.
“Touché.”
“Ready? One, two, three…” you popped a forkful in your mouth, chewing for a moment before nodding. “That’s the single best slice of cheesecake I’ve ever had.”
“No way,” Felix said. 
“Way,” you replied.
You handed the fork back to Felix, who took a bite of his own, thinking it over for a second. “8/10.”
“What! You’re just being cocky now.”
“Mine is better! You can’t deny that.”
“Mmm I’m not so sure.”
In a fit of laughter, you laid back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling and shutting your eyes briefly. “I can’t believe we’re here.” 
You turned your head to face the view again, speckles of city lights gleaming from beyond the tall glass windows. 
“It’s something, huh?” Felix said. 
“Mhmm. This was one of our bucket list items from that summer.”
Felix felt his heartbeat quicken, surprised you brought up the topic of that summer at all. He’d wanted to talk about it for so long, not being able to with your new established dynamic. 
“Yeah,” he said. “I remember.”
“What’d we plan again? Dessert from the room service menu, steal the amenities? Sleep on silk sheets?”
He looked at you nervously, waiting for you to say it. Something- anything at all to prove you remembered. 
Have sex in the jacuzzi, Felix thought to himself. Fuck on the balcony. Do it in the middle of the night and try not to wake the neighboring rooms. 
“Yeah,” he settled on replying. “Think you got everything.”
You sat up again, making your way over to your suitcase and digging out your toothbrush out from the pile of clothes. “Gonna brush,” you said. 
Felix followed, sharing the sink space with you as you brushed your teeth in front of the large mirror. 
He wore a simple white shirt and blue flannel pants, you much more exposed in white cotton shorts and a tank top. Felix’s eyes darted briefly to your body and then back at your reflection in the mirror, and you suddenly felt much more aware of your appearance. 
When you finished, you crawled under the duvet again and enveloped yourself in the thick white sheets. You turned to face Felix, who climbed into his own bed across from you. 
“Thank you,” you said to him again. “For tonight.”
Felix nodded nervously. “You deserve it.”
And sleep washed over you quickly. 
*
“So how should I begin this? I guess it started when you were with him”
Felix hadn’t slept at all- in fact, he spent a good portion of the night facing you and letting the steady sound of your breathing fill the room. Rather he couldn’t sleep, unable to contain the growing bulge in his pants at the sight of your figure. 
He felt like such a loser again, his mind going back to summer when you made all those plans for a hotel room. And yet here he was, sleeping a few feet away from you in his own bed, having unholy thoughts about someone with a boyfriend. It was an unprecedented level of pathetic he felt. 
Trying his best not to wake you, he slipped out from the covers, tip-toeing his way to the bathroom. At least he could get some relief in there and maybe get some shut-eye. 
But his efforts were futile, waking you up as soon as he took the first steps toward you.
“Felix?” You called out. 
“Sorry,” he responded quickly, awkwardly bending over to hide his crotch. “I couldn’t sleep. Was gonna get a drink of water.”
You smiled sympathetically, patting the bed next to you. “Get in,” you said politely. He panicked. 
You’d surely find out about the ongoing incident if he complied. But selfishly, he wanted to, hoping that being closer to you would help it die down. A dense thought process, that’s for sure. 
So he obeyed, pulling his t-shirt down and slipping under the sheets so fast you couldn’t possibly have noticed in this darkness. You turned to face him, finally being able to see his face at this proximity. And for a minute, the two of you said nothing, gazing at each other under the dim glow of the city lights outside. 
You can’t remember who initiated it first, thinking it might’ve very well been you, who scooted closer and kissed him. 
Felix shut his eyes instinctively, like he knew this was going to happen. But the fact was, he didn’t. His heartbeat raced at a concerning speed now, head dizzy with thoughts. Still, he said nothing. Asked nothing. He just stayed there, kissing you back like his life depended on it. 
A tender hand found its way to your cheek, where he brushed a strand of your hair aside to place little kisses along your face. In doing so, he moved even closer, accidentally brushing his waist against your thigh. 
“Fuck,” Felix said while pulling away. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”
He was rock hard now, head spinning with the reminder of how you tasted and breathed against him like this. 
You hoisted yourself up, looking down at his fearful expression. But you didn’t say anything in response, instead leaning down to kiss him again. His kisses were more desperate this time, little moans escaping into your mouth as you ran your tongue along his bottom lip. You pulled away again for a breath, and Felix panicked thinking you might leave or stop. 
This time however, you climbed over his delicate frame, straddling his waist as he sat up and rested his back against the headboard. His crotch pressed against you eagerly, but you stayed there for an excruciating few minutes, running a hand over his chest and into his blonde locks. 
“Blonde…” you said in an amused tone.
You traced his freckles with a single finger, sliding down to graze over the slope of his nose and then over his plump, needy lips. 
“Please…” Felix whispered as you leaned in to kiss him. “Please,” he said again between soft kisses. “Please, please, please…” 
His usually deep voice was much higher in pitch when he was this needy, and you’d never heard it this way before. 
“Mmm. Please what?” You said against his wet lips. He hesitated for a moment. 
“Please… use me…” he said shyly, a twinge of desperation as his breath hitched in his throat. His hips rocked gently against yours, reluctant hands finding their way down to your waist. 
The friction made you moan softly against him, and it was your turn to kiss him with longing. You wasted no more time reaching a hand between the two of you to pull off his pants as he slid your shorts down. You wrapped your legs around his torso in just your panties, clothed cock pressed firmly against your growing wetness, and he groaned in frustration. 
“Fuck…” he breathed out. “Don’t move or I might finish.”
You smiled between gentle kisses to his collarbones. Knowing he wasn’t exaggerating about finishing prematurely, you finally pulled his boxers down, wrapping one hand around his length and moving up and down. 
“Ah…” Felix struggled against your touch. 
“What’s wrong?” You cooed sweetly. “Gonna finish?”
He nodded with his eyes squeezed shut tightly. 
“That’s okay,” you said with a smile. “You can cum if you want to.” 
“I don’t… ah…” 
And with a scrunched nose, he found his release, making a mess all over his stomach between you. 
“Fuck,” Felix said. “I didn’t want to finish yet. Sorry.” His eyes were teary and spaced out as he caught his breath. 
You circled the strings of liquid with your index finger, dipping into his navel to gather some on the tips of your fingers. 
“That’s okay,” you said calmly, bending down to kiss him again. “I didn’t say I was done using you.”
Felix swallowed nervously, trying his best to hold back the inevitable tears. 
“You okay to give me one more?” You said, sliding your hand down between your legs to play with yourself. You circled your clit with his cum, gasping in pleasure at the warm sensation. 
Tears fell from his face as he nodded and waited for your instruction. 
“Good,” you said, kissing away his tears as you continued to touch yourself. “Tell me if you want to stop, okay?”
Felix nodded nervously, watching intently as you finally removed your panties and spread further to take all of him. With gentle movements, you wrapped your arms around his neck, positioning over him and sliding down ever so slowly. His hands gripped your waist as he helped fill you up. 
It was a sensation Felix hadn’t been prepared for. He winced at the overstimulation, trying his best to remain semi-hard so you’d have a chance to finish. But the feeling of you gently bouncing on his cock made him cry even more, desperate to help you find your release and to hear you shower him with praise. 
“Doing so good,” you told him between breathless movements. “Kiss me.”
He obeyed, planting sloppy tear-stained kisses on your mouth as you used him for your own pleasure. He pulled away again, mouth finding its way to your breasts, where he kissed and sucked your nipples with fondness. 
And between his fervent kisses in the valley of your breasts, you found your own release, clutching his shoulders as you trembled and dribbled cum all over his length. 
You slid off of him with ease and back onto the bed, where you both took a minute to catch your breath. Felix was unsure of what to say, and you could hardly form a sentence. 
Instead you got dressed again and sat up to go to the bathroom. “Gonna get cleaned up,” you said simply. 
As you stood, Felix gripped your wrist, pulling you toward him again. “Don’t leave,” he said in a frightened tone. 
“I just need tissues,” you explained. 
“Don’t leave,” he said again, tears trickling down his face. 
“Felix, I’m just-”
“I’m in love with you,” Felix blurted out. 
Your heart raced and you took a deep breath. You stood between his legs observing the way he now let out dramatic sobs as he began to speak. 
“I’m so fucking in love with you and I can’t help it. I’ve always loved you. Ever since we were kids. You can hold me and comfort me until I stop crying but it’s not gonna change the fact that I’m crying because I love you.”
You reached a hand up, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. He continued talking as he cried, the stream of consciousness giving him the confidence he’d always yearned to utilize. 
“I tried. I tried for so long with other girls, with other people. It was never the same. I thought there was something wrong with me because I’d cry so much whenever I was with you. And it never happened with anyone else. It took me years and some stupid hookups before I realized it was because I was always in love with you. 
That’s why I came back. You make me feel so damn safe all the time. I can’t taste Oreo mcflurries or raspberry chapstick without thinking of you first. I would’ve still been in love with you if you kept ignoring me. I’m still in love with you even though you have him. And I don’t know what we’re doing, but I do know that I’m in love with you. Back then, and now, and in five years time.”
He hung his head in shame, crying like a guilty child, and you towered over him in silence. He’d never felt so vulnerable before, crying in front of the girl he loved in complete nudity. 
Part of you knew this was coming- there was no denying Felix hadn’t been the most inconspicuous about his romantic feelings toward you since returning. But you couldn’t find the words to say to him, knowing anything you could say right now was only going to hurt him. You and Mark weren’t technically broken up yet, and your heart largely remained there still. You and Felix also led two completely different lives- yours, a monotonous adult routine, and his, riddled with fame and splendor. It was never going to work the way he wanted it to. This was all a fleeting thing like it had been back then- this wasn’t reality. 
“Please say something,” Felix pleaded.
“I’m sorry,” you said quietly. “We shouldn’t have done this.”
He looked up at you through tears, hardly making out the expression on your face as the room blurred around him. And with a simple nod, he understood. You were not in love with Felix. 
With a gentle release of your wrists, he allowed you to get cleaned up, crying in front of the bathroom mirror as you rid yourself of his traces. When you returned, Felix was back in his own bed, lying on his side away from you.
Not so much as a sniffle was heard as you turned out the light again, falling asleep to his words replaying in your head like a broken record. 
*
“Did he ever make you cum? Did he ever make you cry?”
You were up early that morning, quick to shower last night’s mistake off your aching body. Felix stayed in bed facing the window, forcing himself to keep his eyes shut though he wasn’t asleep. His eyes could hardly pry themselves open anyway, now swollen and red from all the crying he’d done. 
When you finished getting dressed, you sat on the edge of your bed, staring out at the view in the daytime. The city was completely different at this time of day. People looked like little ants from this high up, and you followed their paths as they navigated the world below. Into stores, apartment buildings, even meeting for coffee. It was so human- so unpredictable where the next little ant would find themselves. So uncertain. 
You heard Felix shuffle about in bed, and you decided to go check on him for the first time, holding your breath as you made your way to his side. 
“Felix,” you said timidly. “You should eat something.”
He kept his eyes shut, furrowing his brows into a frown as he felt your hand run through his hair. 
“Not hungry,” he said in a raspy voice. 
“Come on,” you replied. “Checkout’s at 11. We’ve only got two hours to enjoy this view before we have to leave.”
Felix fluttered one eye open, looking at you for the first time since last night. His heart pained him all over again. Your hair was still damp from your shower, face free of makeup and the lingering scent of peaches on your skin. 
He exhaled through his nose, eyes wandering past you and zoning out. 
And then with some hesitation, you crawled into the unmade bed beside him, slipping under the covers and wrapping an arm around him the way you always used to. You held him like that for a minute, rubbing his arm soothingly and playing with the back of his hair. 
Felix couldn’t feel excited about any of it, too heartbroken to feel anything but sorrow in your arms now. Tears brimmed his eyes again as you lulled him into another wave of sleepiness. 
“Do you love him?” Felix broke the silence suddenly. You swallowed, finally choosing to be honest with him. It was the least you could do while he grieved. 
“Yeah. I do.”
“Does he… satisfy you?” Felix asked. You were taken aback at the question, and Felix was shocked that he brought it up. But he needed closure right now. He needed answers to the questions he’d been overthinking all week. 
“Mhm.”
He thought for a second. “Does he ever make you cry?”
It was your turn to think for a minute. “Sometimes. When we fight, I guess. It’s not often, though.”
Felix shut his eyes again, wanting to ask more questions, but feeling too tired and anguished. You continued massaging his arm, feeling his tension loosen in your touch. 
“Go back to sleep,” you said finally. “I’ll wake you when it’s time to check out.”
And he did, dozing off properly in your tender embrace.
*
When you parted ways that day, Felix knew very well he might never see you again. 
He’d messed things up by confessing how he felt, only to be met with what he’d feared all along- you were indeed in love with Mark. There was never a chance that the two of you would work out. Still, the truth pained him. The dull ache in his chest was made worse by the way you cared for him, giving his hand a little squeeze in the car and rubbing his back when he pulled you in for one last hug. He knew you were just trying to make him feel better. But deep down he was angry- at himself for not staying, at Mark for being able to call you his, even at you for being intimate with him last night. He didn’t regret it, but he did wish it ended the way he’d hoped it to. 
On the drive home, Felix had the realization that things were now different. His feelings were out there in the open, and you were free to do whatever you wanted with them. Regardless of how you felt, it meant things between you were going to change. 
He was no longer welcome to sneak into your room late at night- even as friends. He couldn’t bake you little surprises or text you at random times throughout the day. And the idea of ever kissing you again was just a distant daydream, so far out of reach it seemed like something that had never occurred in the first place. 
He wondered how you felt about the situation. And he wondered if you knew how terribly he regretted it. In an alternate universe, Felix had just let you go get cleaned up and cuddled you to sleep, pushing away the idea that you had cheated on your partner. It would have been a fleeting thing like it had always been. Like it was always supposed to be. A lingering thought made Felix consider calling you up to ask why you’d cheated on Mark if you loved him, but that would involve talking to you. 
What he didn’t know, of course, is that you weren’t in love with Mark anymore. 
*
“I hope we’re still friends, yeah I hope you don’t mind”
Standing in the living room you two shared, Mark wrapped up the last of his boxes with tape and looked over at you. The room had never felt this empty without his video game consoles or his sneakers lying around carelessly. 
“If I forget anything I’ll come by to pick it up later this week,” he said. “But that’s the most of it.”
You wiped a few stray tears. “Where are you going again?”
“I told you,” Mark said, sitting on the couch next to you and resting a hand on your thigh. “Couple friends have a room for rent just an hour from here. It’s safe. I don’t want you to worry.”
He reached up to wipe a tear with his thumb lovingly. You missed these moments- sitting on the couch together like this, only now they were tainted with heartbreak and mourning what once was. 
“Is she going to be there?” You asked after a moment. 
Mark looked down, and then back up at your face. “Do you remember when I had blue hair?” He asked suddenly. 
“What?”
“The blue hair. Arctic fresh, like you used to call it.”
You chuckled a little. That term had slipped your mind after graduation. 
“Yeah. I remember.”
“And you used to sit in the library all day.”
“Until you started stalking me.”
“Don’t act like you didn’t love it!” Mark retorted. The two of you laughed for a bit, and you almost forgot you were sad in the first place. 
“I didn’t know when you were gonna be there,” Mark continued. “I had no clue how to approach you. Hell, I didn't even know what kind of person you were gonna be.”
You listened to him as gestured with his hands. 
“That uncertainty- there was something so fun about it.”
There was that word again- one that had been on your mind lately. A lot of things felt uncertain as of right now. 
“Remember when we didn’t have a mattress?”
You shook your head. “God. Don’t remind me.” Mark laughed in response.
“We used jackets as blankets! It was fun though, wasn’t it? We thought we’d never finish furnishing the place. I kinda loved not knowing what it was going to look like yet.”
You pondered his words carefully. There was a lot of truth in them- the months you spent sleeping on the floor and eating microwave pizzas together for dinner were some of your most memorable times. You only got through it because you had hope that the future would make up for those nights. 
“You seemed happier too,” Mark said. “And I want you to be that happy all the time. I don’t want you to be scared of the future.”
You began to cry again, trembling as Mark pulled you in for a hug. 
“I don’t know how to do this without you,” you said. “This… routine. Being an adult.”
“You’ve always known how,” Mark said. “You just have to go live it. Don’t let yourself get stuck at a computer all day. Don’t let the only time you leave the house be to get coffee creamer at night.”
You smiled at him sheepishly. 
“I’m learning too,” Mark said. “I kinda want to get out of this city. Get a new job.”
You nodded. 
“And I want you to do some badass things,” he said, poking your knee and making you smile. “I want to hear all about them. But you gotta do them first!”
With a gentle sigh, you nodded again. 
Mark twiddled his fingers for a moment. 
“It’s him, isn’t it?”
“What?” You said, head snapping up to look at him. 
“Dude from the band.”
Your heart sped up, unsure of what to say. 
“I tried your parents’ house a few days ago. Two of you were headed out somewhere. Can’t believe I even recognized him, but I pieced it together.”
“Why… I mean-”
“Doesn’t matter,” he said with a reassuring shake of his head. “I want you to be happy. I wasn’t the most honest with you, either.”
After a pause, you took Mark’s hand in yours. “I’m sorry,” you said. “And I love you. And I’ll never stop loving you. Whether we’re together or not.”
He nodded at your words. “I know. And I’m sorry. I’m never out of reach- you know where to find me.”
Mark pulled you in for one last hug, crying softly into your shoulder. “Go find that happiness again,” he said. “I’ll always be here.”
After helping move his boxes to the car and exchanging your final goodbyes, you returned to the apartment, clutching the keys in hand like you did the very first time you got them.
The apartment felt quiet, yet strangely comfortable. You’d never seen so many sunbeams shine through the windows like this before- illuminating the empty corners with a hopeful glow. Despite the vacant areas, the apartment felt eerily beautiful like this. You caressed the drywall with a tender hand, thinking briefly about the potential this place always had. There were so many new spots for paintings and photos. So many opportunities to decorate again. So much to look forward to. 
*
“Swear we were only being honest”
Mark’s departure made a lot of things clear for you. You thought about what he said for days after adjusting to the empty apartment- about chasing happiness and learning to embrace the uncertainty you were always so afraid of. 
He was right. You had become a shell of the woman you once were, only existing to do work and repeat the routine that tricked you into believing it was the epitome of life itself. But it never had been- it was you who made it that way. 
Looking out your window at the empty street late at night, the only noise you could hear was the dull buzz of cicadas that stalked the tall grass.
You returned to your parents’ house for one last night to collect your things and say your goodbyes to your parents. Everything looked the same as it always did on nights like this- cars parked neatly in their spots, houses with their lights off, and neatly trimmed bushes swaying gently in the summer breeze. Your hands trembled as you climbed out the window, dressed for the weather in a light sweater and a pair of shorts. 
As you jogged out to the street, you paused to look up at the vast sky above you. The sky had never seen you this late at night like this, out in the middle of the street with such purpose. You were normally curled up with a book at this late hour.  Yet you greeted it with excitement and curiosity, laughing up at the constellations as you planted two feet in the concrete below you. 
After admiring the scenery at this time, you were on your way again, racing like a child down the block. You passed the houses you had always known, appreciating the way they were a steady part of your life for this long. You turned the corner with such vigor, you thought you might fall if you didn’t slow down. But you didn’t- you ran and ran, and you didn’t stop. 
Felix’s house was a mere three blocks from yours, yet you’d never visited in the middle of the night like this. It has always been him to initiate it. He was the risk-taker, the troublemaker, a fact you forced yourself to challenge after your conversation with Mark. 
When you arrived, you looked up at his house, unsure of what to do for a moment. You weren’t entirely sure which room was his anymore. 
So you pulled out your phone, dialing him before you could stop to overthink it. Felix answered on the second ring.
“Hi,” you breathed. 
He paused for a moment. 
“Are you… okay?”
“I’m fine,” you replied. “Could you open the window?”
“What?”
“The window. I can’t remember which one is yours- God your grass is tall. There aren't any spiders here, right?”
Before you could finish, the curtains drew back in front of the window closest to you, and Felix stood there with his cellphone pressed to his ear. He observed the way you scratched at an itch on your ankle, finally looking up to meet his gaze and giving him a little wave. 
“Aren’t you cold?” He asked, dropping his phone down at his side as you walked over. 
“Not a bit. It’s actually kinda nice out.”
He helped you climb in, and you looked around the room with wonder in your eyes. 
“Wow. I haven’t been here since we were kids.” 
The walls were lined with old photos of him, neatly arrayed in white picture frames. There was a large desk opposite his bed with old taekwondo medals hanging directly above. And his bed was neatly made, except for one corner from which Felix had untucked himself from. 
“What are you doing here?” Felix asked with hesitation. His voice was tinged with sadness still. 
You set a paper bag down on the desk, turning to face him. “Little something from me.”
Felix looked at the bag and then at you again. You eyed him for a moment, noticing his unkempt hair and the subtle bags under his eyes. His blonde locks were pushed out of his face, framing his expression of sorrow. He wore a plain black t-shirt and sweatpants, much simpler than you’d seen him dressed on other days, yet he somehow still looked so sophisticated. 
With reluctance in his step, he unfolded the bag, reaching inside to pull out a small Oreo McFlurry and a carton of fries. He examined the cup, setting it down again and avoiding eye contact. 
“I told you I don’t get these anymore.” 
“No,” you said. “You said you couldn’t get them because they brought back memories.”
He shrugged. “Yeah. What’s the difference?”
“The difference is that I’m here now. And you don’t have to stop doing all your favorite things because they bring back memories.”
“You don’t get it,” he said, sighing again. “Please don’t make me say it again.”
You hid your hands in the sleeves of your sweater, eyes trembling with fear as you began to speak. Breaking down your walls around other people was always a difficult feat for you. 
“You don’t have to say anything,” you told him. “Just please listen to me and then I’ll get out of here.”
Felix sat on the edge of the bed with his hands on his knees.
“Felix- you and I live completely different lives. You left before my life even started. Most of what I know about you I had to learn through google searches. You wake up in different countries 6 out of 7 days in the week. You know what you want, and every single day is different for you.”
“You googled me?” Felix said. You ignored his question as you continued to speak. 
“You have to understand that this never would have worked out between us.”
He hung his head and wiped a few stray tears with the back of his hand. “I kind of figured it wasn’t going to work out. You didn’t have to come here to tell me again.”
“I came here,” you interrupted him. “Because I’m in love with you.”
His head snapped up this time, eyebrows furrowed together in confusion as you continued to speak through tears. 
“And it scares the hell out of me. We’re two different people in two completely different worlds, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s always been you. And it’s always going to be you. There’s no one else I’d rather get McDonald’s with at 3 in the morning. Or stain fancy tablecloths with. I love it when you do that thing where you check your pulse when you get nervous. Or when you bake me little desserts, even though I never ask you to. And I love wiping your tears after we get intimate, because I hate seeing you sad and I’d spend a lifetime wiping your tears if it meant I could be by your side.”
The room fell quiet as you finished. Felix looked up with an expression of sorrow and shock. His eyes welled with tears as he sniffled and gave you one short nod. 
“How about Mark?”
You smiled and shrugged. “Sometimes love has other plans.”
And Felix smiled for the first time tonight, stretching out both arms toward you, which you wasted no time running into. He wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you into his lap and holding you for a moment as you both laughed through sniffles. 
As he pulled away to look into your eyes, his thumbs wiped your tears away delicately, caressing your face in a gentle embrace. 
“I don’t want to lose you again,” he said suddenly. His expression shifted to that of concern.
“You have me right now,” you said calmly. “And we’ll figure out the rest. I don’t want to get too caught up in worrying about the future.”
He smiled again, moving a strand of hair out of your face as he leaned in to kiss you. His lips tasted like raspberry, moving gently along yours as you smiled against him. 
“What happens now?”
You thought about it for a moment. It was a good question- you hadn’t thought about where the night was going to take you after this conversation. 
“Let’s go out.” 
“Now? It’s almost 2 in the morning.”
“Now. Let’s go anywhere. I just want to be with you.”
Felix ran a hand through your hair as he chuckled. 
“You’re full of surprises tonight.”
You climbed off of him as he walked to the closet and picked out a pair of pants. And you sat watching him eagerly, afraid you might lose him if you looked away for even a second. 
When he turned around again to button his pants, he locked eyes with your tender gaze and smiled. The moonlight glistened through the window onto your skin, little blue patches painting your frame delicately like an oil painting. Your eyes sparkled with longing for him, and he smiled at the way you blinked up at him with such endearment. 
“I love you,” you said suddenly. 
“I love you,” he replied, leaning down to kiss you. “I love you. I love you. I really love you.”
When he finished getting dressed, he took your hand in his, helping you out the window and into the cool summer air. The cicadas and birds were quiet, and the only sounds you could hear came from the trees rustling in the nighttime breeze. Felix towered over you in the dim glow of the streetlights, never once looking away from the twinkle in your eyes as you spoke. And you continued, with no destination in mind, down the streets you had explored so many times as kids together. The same picket fences and concrete roads seemed so much more charming this way- hands interlocked as you stopped every now and then to exchange kisses and share spoonfuls of the now melted Oreo McFlurry. At last, you were home again- all was safe. 
*
“All by yourself, sitting alone”
The loud chime of the overhead speaker caught your attention as you meticulously worked to buckle your seatbelt. All around you, people took their seats too, children squirming with excitement and couples assisting each other with the overhead bins in the aisles. You sat alone, taking in the atmosphere as you prepared for hours of being sat here. 
Thoughts of doubt rushed to your mind as you examined a Korean pamphlet in front of you- was this the right decision? Were you going to be happy? Would you even find work there?
Your throat went dry thinking about the endless possibilities. And then you remembered Mark’s kind words echoing through you- “go chase that happiness”. 
You were never going to know if you didn’t get out there first. Maybe this was where you were always meant to be. 
In between conversations with yourself, your phone buzzed with a new text. You checked it frantically, smiling at the message.
Felix: 🐣
Your heartbeat slowed again, and you took a deep breath as you pushed your negative thoughts aside. You were finally chasing your happiness- Felix was your happiness. And maybe traveling 5,000 miles for the guy you loved seemed crazy, but it felt right. As long as you were by his side, you would face the future together. 
You shot him back a little sunshine emoji before putting your phone away again. And you shut your eyes, grateful for the gentle reminder of why you were doing this. You weren’t certain about much, but you were certain about Lee Felix. And maybe that was enough.
399 notes · View notes
lemmetreatya · 1 year
Note
Hey Mun! Not sure how many characters you take but can you do headcanons of turn ons and turn offs for Geto Gojo Toji and Nanami? Bless 🙏🏻
wgw1!! idk if this req was actually meant for me or nawt but why tf not!! lool lets get into it!
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JJK MEN HEADCANONS: TURN ONS AND OFFS
ft. Geto, Gojo, Toji and Nanami (ft. Megumi)
contents: modern au, strong language, slight glimpses of gaslighting idk
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Geto
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Turn OFFs:
Dislikes strong smells!! deffo think he’d be one to faux gag if something even vaguely annoyed his senses (he can be so childish at times lol).
doesnt even have to be a bad smell, it could literally be perfume
He refuses to say its sensory overload, which you’d even be able to accustom and understand better, but no he literally just… doesn’t like it
“Eurk! Wha’ the fu’k?!”
Geto loudly makes a display of gaging as the two of you were sat on the train. With a face of surprise, you look at Geto with annoyance.
“Really?! In public?!” You hissed.
The man only held his nose as he sideeyes the lady that just passed him by. Subtly sniffing yourself, you scoff at Geto’s reaction.
“The perfume didn’t even smell that bad. It was kinda nice even.”
Geto disregarded your comment by making even a bigger heaving sound.
“It’s infiltrating my fucking nose, oh my god.
You had to look away with a sigh. He really could be dramatic sometimes.
He gets turned off when a significant other asks for his opinion and does the exact opposite. he says it’s a waste of his ‘sacred wisdom he chose to bestow upon you’
especially if its to make a decision they’ve been pondering on for time. if they do or pick the other option, he feels like his opinion is so bad that in giving the wrong answer, the person chose the right one !!
it gives him a very phat inferiority complex but he wont admit it so anytime he sees it he’s like RedFlagRedFlagRedFlag 😭😭
Turn ONs:
he gets turned on when a significant other plays with his ears.
its kinda weird because he’s very particular about who touches him and its a part of him that normally people would look at in wonder but not go out of their way to ask to touch because he’d probably say no
and in all honesty, he would dsodjsj but if you’re both laid up with each other and you subconsciously do it, he won’t complain
he secretly loves the stimulation of it
With his head laid up in your lap, Geto’s eyes were glued to the screen.
He was so adamant to watch this documentary and you had absolutely no interest or intention in watching it with him. Yet surprisingly, you found yourself rather interested in the topic of discussion and so ended up sitting with him.
Subconsciously, your hand stroked down from the crown of Geto’s head to the shell of his ears, your fingers aimlessly fiddling with the soft flesh.
Geto hadn’t voiced anything about it so you didn’t realise for awhile, but when you noticed it was his ears you were touching, you made a short ‘ooh’ sound before retracting your hand.
“What? What happened?” Geto used his arm to sit up and look back at you, eyes beady as he made sure everything was okay.
You quickly shook your head.
“No, its nothing. I just realised I was touching your ear and I didn’t mean to. Sorry.”
Rolling his eyes, Geto only lowered himself back onto your lap with a huff. He gingerly wormed himself back into a comfortable position as his eyes were already trained back onto the TV.
“I thought it was something serious.” He mumbles.
Oh he loves intelligent conversations — this doesn’t mean the content of the conversation has to be strictly complicated or about something big brained. it could simply be something you’re both passionate about and therefore can talk in great depth about
he loves being able to have bartering points and see different perspectives or discover new possibilities together with someone who knows what they’re talking about!!
Gojo
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Turn OFFs:
Excessive swearing
Gojo’s own mouth isn’t the cleanest in the book, but he hates when there’s just too much bad language flying around
In his words: “It disturbs the Holy Spirit in me.”
“And I swear to God! If you ever touch my fucking wife ever again, I promise you I’ll fuck your shit up so bad, you’ll fucking wish you were pissing out your own’s mother’s cunt!”
You were practically on the edge of your seat at the confrontation scene that was going down. The movie had built the climax up so well, you couldn’t believe that this was how it turned out.
However, before you could see what happened next, the TV turned black and you were left with looking at your reflection within the screen.
“Wh—”
You turned round to see Gojo with the remote in his hand as he shook his head in fake solemn conviction.
“It’s just way too much foul language. How are you even watching this?” He sighed.
Leaning up from your seat, you grabbed the remote back from the man.
“Boy, JustGimmeThatShit.” You gave Gojo a stank face before turning the TV back on. Only this time, you lowered the volume.
Big turn off is when people are too much in his business — Which is real contradictory because Gojo’s the King of Tell Me The Drop, but he really believes that he’s superior in the sense that when he knows something, it’s because he rightfully should
Its kinda toxic tho because if you try and pry something out of Gojo because he may well be hiding something, he will vilify you for wanting to know shit from him
Turn ONs:
Kinda the opposite to Geto, but he loves strong smells (but only nice ones)
Use too much detergent in your clothes? Dont worry, Gojos inhaling the scent right tf out of it
New perfume? He notices right away and demands he get to smell all the areas you’ve used it
Cooking something zesty?! Gojo’s first in line to try it out (and sneaks nosefuls directly from the pot throughout the day)
“Gojo!”
Caught red handed, Gojo looked towards you like a deer caught in headlights, his eyes wide as he had the opened pot lid in his hands.
“I saw that!” You pointed.
Dropping the lid and quickly scrambling away from the crime scene, Gojo let out a high pitched cry. Walking over to the abandoned pot with a sigh, you placed the lid back on top to close it.
“We’ve spoken about this.” You say into the air.
You couldn’t see him but you heard the soft sound of pitiful shuffling from somewhere within the vicinity.
“I’m sorry…” You heard whine from a far away place. “It just smelt so good.”
He gets turned on from a good rub session.
It doesn’t even have to lead to sex, but Gojo just loves rubbing up on others and being rubbed on (permitted he likes the person)
Hes got langly arms so hes able to reach all parts of you regardless of your positions
Just being able to snuggle up with each other for hours on end is his thing; to the extent where you have to ask him if he needs to go toilet because he’d rather be busting to go than not suggle
Toji
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Turn OFFs:
Things that take too long!!
Hes a very impatient man and wants everything instantly
you sometimes worry about doing things in public with him because his patience is vey minimal
“I’m not waiting any longer, gimme the car keys.”
You were just about getting the last of the items off the shopping list when Toji had popped up in front of you with a very constipated expression.
Sighing, you fling your head back in annoyance.
“I— TJ, just hold on! I only need to get the last of the stuff then we can go. Just queue up in line and by the time it’s our turn I’ll be back with the rest.”
“But I’ve been waiting for too long!”
“And I’ve only been gone for two seconds!” You say with open eyes.
Shrugging, Toji sorts his hands inside your pocket before pulling out the car keys.
“Doesn’t matter. I’m going back to the car.”
You couldn’t even stop him slugging off regarding your hands were full. Looking left and right, you called out to him.
“Wh—So where’s our shopping trolley?!”
Toji shrugs, his back towards you as he made his way towards the exit.
“In line.” He shouts back.
Nagging. This man absolutely hates when people nag him. It’s even more annoying because he will not get shit done on the first listen/ask so sometimes nagging is all you can do
He’ll literally switch off if he thinks you’re nagging him and it’s so jarring when he does because you could be telling him something so crucially important but because he was nagged an hour ago he’s not listening for shit
Turn ONs:
when you automatically co parent with him
now again, yes hes a bit of a lazy guy so any prospects of a potential babysitter guardian for his kids he’ll run at
but its that energy of treating his kids as your own (and no less to your other kids if you have any) that really turns him on
“Alright, ‘Gums, you know how this goes, right?”
The black haired boy nodded, a subtle smile on his face as he met you in the middle to shake hands.
“Of course. Win the match, or at least MVP, and then coerce dad into taking us out for a congratulatory meal.”
With a wide grin, you ruffled Megumi’s hair before patting him on the shoulders.
“That’s my boy. Now go get’em.” Surging him off onto the playing court, you gleamed upwards as you felt Toji come stand behind you.
“What’dyou tell ‘im?” He gruffly asks as he passes you your requested confectionery from the stand.
“Oh, nothing too much.” You grinned. “Just your usual pre-game encouragement!”
turned on by the exposure of flesh in subtle places
hes not talking barely no clothes (which he doesnt mind) or nakedness (which he even more doesnt mind) but when you wear an outfit that is supposed to be modest but theres a lil slip or cut in the cloth that shows just that sliver of innocent skin, hes bearing his teeth in glee
its the prospects that you could be showing a lot more or covering up way less but you choose to go sensible. yet that lil fun side to you still peaks out
Nanami
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Turn OFFs:
overworkers
a bit canon yes but he hates when people dont know when to take a break. like my goodness its not everyday work yourself to the bone
hes very serious about holidays and clocking in overtime so the very scent of doing more than you should aggravates him.
“Where are you?”
Nanami’s voice over the receiver sounds plain but you can tell there’s a hint of annoyance in his voice.
“Hey Ken, I’m still at work. I’m just packing up now. You outside?” You say as you hold the phone between your ear and shoulders.
“It’s five past.” He grumbles.
Pausing in your tracks, you make a confused face.
“Yeah, and?”
“You should have been packed up ages ago.”
Noticing where he was coming from, you sighed loudly albeit with a smile tinted on your lips.
“I was just catching up with a colleague. Don’t worry, I’ll be right down.”
There was a slight pause, almost like a thought, before he spoke again.
“As long as you weren’t working past your finishing time—”
“Yes, of course! Never would I ever dare to work past clock-out!” You laugh as you make your way out of the office.
hes turned completely off when people have no regard for others
whether that be not tidying up after themselves or not being aware of their surroundings or even deciding to eat something shareable in the presence of others without othering
hes a very considerate man when it comes to these things and he genuinely hates when people are just really selfish with shit
Turn ONs:
Seduction
Seems quite vague because isn’t that how everyone’s caught?!
But no, someone having confidence to seduce him always works. It doesn’t mean he’ll always be receptive to it but simply having the guts to approach him will definitely have him thinking about it at night
As the music played throughout the apartment, you couldn’t help but dance playfully onto Nanami, backing up onto him as he stood rather distracted with the dishes.
“Versace on the floor, Ouuuh! Take it off for me, for me, for me, for me now girl!”
The man kept his head stoically focused on the dishes, trying his best to not engage with your antics.
“Come on, Ken, dance with me!”
You laid your hand out in his direction, beckoning him to your patronage. Nanami shook his head although he had a slight smile on his face.
“I’ve got to finish the dishes.” He excuses.
Leaning forwards to look at him, you lift your hand up to drag a smooth palm down his chest.
“Forget those for a second, handsome. They’ll always be here. Just come dance with me. for a bit.” You said in a sultry voice, you eyes hooded as you bit your bottom lip.
Nanami looks between the dishes and you three times before dutifully succumbing.
Cleanliness!!
Having a clean place, person and home is very important to Nanami! Even more when it comes to his significant other because he aint going down on nobody with glued shut booty flaked cheeks or poor grooming habits
but in general, just being graced with the cleanliness of others is his thing
631 notes · View notes
ranhaitanisgf · 5 months
Note
Hello Hana💖 Can i request Tenjiku Ran + dating app? lol. Something like:he gave it a try just bc rindou forced him to do it, he had no interest in dates/romance until he matches with y/n (y/n also felt the same way?) then they have a date and became good friends? and after a lot of time spent together & enjoying each other's company ,they realize they are in love? idk, do you magic lol change everything if you want. (i trust your talent and i love that man so much that i'll be happy anyway) Maybe it's an awful idea 🌚 but i'm not longer a teenager //.u. i go to college and i have no other way to delulu how can i met him if it's not through those 💩 apps hehe.
Thank you sweetie, have a wonderful day🥺💖
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i guess i can try it out...?
synopsis: rindou signed ran up for a dating app...how is this date going to go?
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☆ a/n ˎˊ˗ i i i... STRUGGLED WITH THIS .... this was such a cute req and idea omg but i have never used a dating app 😭 i do not know if i did this right but ! i hope you all still enjoy !! and thank you so much anon for requesting this !! xoxoxo
☆ characters ˎˊ˗ ran haitani x g/n!reader
☆ wc ˎˊ˗ 1.8k+
masterlist 
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❥ ran has never really found much interest in dating apps; why would he be interested in meeting someone in a fake way? maybe it’s the little romantic in him, but he doesn’t want to try to actually meet someone he wants to spend time with in a way that feels ‘fake’ to him. he wants to be able to meet someone he likes in an organic way, though he himself isn’t quite sure where this notion comes from, (maybe the romance movies his mom used to watch?). 
“here.”  “what’s all this?”  “you should find someone, aniki.” “oho? where’s this coming from all of a-” “you’re home too much.” 
❥ ran is genuinely hurt by this. 
❥ begrudgingly, he creates a loose profile, not putting a whole lot of effort into it. he doesn’t really see the point in all of this, so his profile consists of a single blurry picture of him with his brother, (not specifying which one he is) and his bio merely states his name, age, and that he likes to sleep. 
❥ surprisingly, he gets matches despite having such a bland and blank profile, but he doesn’t even respond to any of the messages asking to meet up or asking for more information about him. he leaves them all on read, feeling wholly uninterested in talking to any of the people who were trying to get to know him. 
❥ and so, rindou decides to take the matter into his own hands. he’s able to get a hold of ran’s phone rather easily, (the man does not wake up, so he was still snoring away while rindou entered his room) and proceeded to fix up his profile to a more suitable one, even going so far as to respond to at least one of the people who he thought might be a good match for his brother. 
❥ one can probably imagine ran’s surprise when he wakes up in the morning and sees his formal wear set out on his dresser, and you could most definitely imagine his surprise when he sees a ‘okay, sounds good! see you then :)’ message from the dating app on his phone. 
❥ he strides into the kitchen, his phone in hand as he pointedly looks at rindou, who is sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee while watching something on tv. there were no words said between the two of them for a few moments, rindou merely looking up at ran with a look that said ‘you got a problem?’. 
“rindou.” “aniki.” “dear brother…what is this?”  “you have a date today at 7.”  “i don’t think so.” “you’re going.” “no, i’m not. end of discussion.”
❥ it was not the end of the discussion. 
❥ ran ended up agreeing, but it was only because rindou promised to pay for his hair appointments for the next six months, (it was a pretty good deal; the salon he goes to is very expensive). he wasn’t too thrilled about this since he thought of it as more of a waste of time, but he decided to put on his nice clothes anyway, spraying some of his good cologne on his wrists and neck. he even left his hair out of its usual plaits, testing out a few different hairstyles before deciding to just leave it down. 
❥ before he left, he’d taken a glance at the profile of the person he was supposed to meet. despite the fact that he was annoyed about this date rindou had set up, he has to admit that his brother does know his tastes pretty well, so he starts to feel just the tiniest bit of amusement and curiosity, (maybe he should get flowers? nah, he’ll just play it casual and see where it goes). 
❥ when ran arrived, he wasn’t surprised to see it was a typical restaurant/bar type of place, though he was a bit amused at the fact that it was located still in roppongi, (he thinks it would be funny if someone came up to him in the middle of the date because they recognized him). 
˗ˏˋ𖤐ˎˊ˗
“hey, are you ran?” 
“hm?” ran looked up from his place at the bar, seeing a somewhat familiar face looking back at him. he leans a bit closer, his eyes squinting to get a clearer picture…ah, the person he’s supposed to be meeting. 
cute. 
he stood up from his spot at the bar, pasting a charismatic smile on his face as he held his hand out. “correct. you must be (y/n), right?” 
“yes! it’s nice to meet you!” you beamed, giving your hand for a handshake. ran was a bit amused when he noticed your rather firm grip while shaking hands, but it only made him just a bit more curious about you. 
the two of you went to sit down at your table, ran politely pulling your chair out for you, (he had been debating on whether or not to play the gentleman card, but he decided to go with it). after he sat himself down, he decided to wait for you to speak first, wondering if you were going to pique his interest. 
a few moments of silence passed by as he watched your eyes flicking around the place, examining everything before coming back to him. when the two of you made eye contact, your lips ghosted a polite smile, your fingers moving to fidget with a piece of your hair. 
“just to be clear, i’m not really into this whole…dating app thing. i think it’s kind of stupid, but my friends told me to go on at least one date, so i’m here. i’m sorry, i just…” you paused for a moment, pursing your lips. “...i didn’t want to give you the wrong idea. i hope we can still have a good time though.” 
consider his interest piqued. 
“well, if we’re clearing things up, then i’ll admit that these sorts of things are not something i enjoy. my brother is the one who messaged you, and i’m here because he said he would pay for my hair appointments if i came.” ran was curious as to how you would react at his words; would you make a scene by yelling at him and then leave? would you just storm out? maybe you would even cuss him out! 
what he wasn’t expecting was for you to let out a big sigh, seemingly of relief, as you laughed a bit, your posture seeming more relaxed and open. 
“hah! that’s so funny actually!” you mused. “i guess we’re the perfect match then, huh?” 
“seems like it.” ran answered, an amused smirk on his face. “maybe the whole matching thing on dating apps do work after all.” 
“right? this seems like too much of a coincidence to be true!” after a moment, you suddenly seemed to get an idea, leaning forward a bit with a grin. “how about we just hang out for tonight as potential friends? none of that weird polite romantic bullshit that you see in first dates. just two people getting to know each other, completely platonically.” ran let out a laugh at your suggestion, his lips upturned in a casual smile. 
“sure, why not?” 
˗ˏˋ𖤐ˎˊ˗
❥ for the rest of the night, the two of you had a pleasant time chatting about various topics, talking about the latest fashion and hair trends to how you secretly think that pigeons are spying on the people of the world, (ran wholeheartedly believes in your theory; you made a very good argument). he hadn’t been expecting something like this, but when the night ended, he realized that he actually felt a bit sad at the fact that the two of you were going to be parting ways.
❥ this fact made him quite amused, and so, he suggested that the two of you hang out again. as friends, he says, explaining that he actually enjoyed your company and chatting with you, (he felt a little bit more than that, but he could save that for another time). 
❥ when he comes home and rindou asks how everything went, he just laughs and says ‘it was interesting’ then turns in for the night, leaving rindou wondering what the hell happened, and does interesting mean good or bad??
❥ the next time he sees you is by coincidence while he’s out grocery shopping for the week. he happens to run into you in the ice cream aisle, though you see him before he sees you; he’s quite focused on which flavor of ice cream to buy. 
“ran?”  “hm? oh, (y/n). funny seeing you here.” “yeah, no kidding! which flavor are you eyeing?”
❥ the two of you decide to have an impromptu hangout after that, both of you going to your respective apartments to drop off your groceries before meeting at a nearby cafe. it wasn’t anything crazy but there was a comfortable vibe, casual conversation and playful jokes being exchanged between the two of you as you sipped on your drinks. 
❥ ran hadn’t expected to have enjoyed talking with you so much, but before he knew it, the sky outside had changed from blue to orange, the sun setting in the distance. now that he had hung out with you for a second time, he knew that he was definitely interested in you, your joking and fun personality being something that he genuinely enjoyed, (he thought that you were also pretty cute, but that was another thing). 
“hey, let me take you home.”  “haha, i thought we said we were just going to be friends?”  “i can’t take my friends home to make sure they’re safe?”  “hmm…well, if you insist! who would’ve known you were such a gentleman~” 
❥ there wasn’t anything romantic about it, but there was a bit of a palpable tension between the two of you as he walked you home; the way your hands were just barely brushing against each other, the way you two were walking much closer to each other than friends would normally do, the stolen looks in the silent moments…ran knew you were feeling it too, but neither of you said anything. 
❥ there were no words spoke about it when the two of you arrived at your apartment, both of you just saying your goodbyes and leaving. ran is for the most part a patient man, so there’s a part of him that wants to keep quiet and see where everything goes. on the other hand, he wants to bring it up to you and maybe see where it takes the two of you. 
ranh_18: you looked good today. are you free on saturday? let me take you out for real this time.
❥ ran supposes he can be impatient every once in a while.
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bunnyyamor · 2 years
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daddy kink
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[ OCTOBER 27TH ] TOJI FUSHIGURO x fem! reader (step-dad au)
synopsis; you had wanted to trick or treat with your whole family but your mom was busy on halloween night. so instead you were stuck trick or treating with your step dad. wk; 3k
warnings; mdni, smut 18+, heavy smut, dark content, daddy kink, pseudo-incest, age gaps, pet-names, public sex, unprotected sex, fingering, enemies-to-lovers, jealous! toji, over protective! toji, dirty talk, beta read!
notes; so i changed the layout a wee bit, but this is by far my fav fic i think ive written. idk its my style aesthetic and i love her lol. also toji is one of my favs cuz he is so fine so enjoy bbys. pls remember to unhide mature posts in tumblr settings and comment, like and reblog!
-nav : kinktober m.list : kinktober taglist
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“so i’m thinking we’ll hit up the neighbors house, then maybe go egg some houses.” your mother raised her brow with a glare. “then we can come back home and eat all our candy while watching spoooooky movies,” you moved your fingers in a scary way. “that’s the plan. so what are you going to wear this year?”
“actually, honey. i’m not going.”
“what?” your mouth widened in shock. you were looking forward to this day for a whole year. “but you had your whole outfit picked out and everything.”
your mother rolled her eyes, annoyed, “i know. look, it’s not like i chose to not go. they have me wanting to come in for another shift.”
you were texting on your phone, pissed. “then tell them no. literally i got this day off for this, so can you.”
“it’s not that simple. i don’t know why you can’t do anything on your own?  i already told you i tried, enough, what do you want from me?”
“you never hang out with me anymore,” you pouted. “it’s always work or that man.”
your mother snapped at your face, “watch yourself. that is your step-father.”
“he is nothing to me,” you crossed your arms. “he is just a dude you’ve been with for a while that stays at our house.”
“i want you to respect him, y/n. he is a good man.”
footsteps boomed down the stairs. there he was. the man that was with your mother for almost 2 years now. toji fushiguro. it looked as if he had just come out of the shower. he was wearing gray sweatpants without a shirt and his hair dripped on his shoulders. “hey baby,” his voice was raspy as he kissed your mom. 
“jesus fucking christ. put on a shirt dude.” you shouldered him as you walked by. 
“y/n!” your mom shouted. 
you saw in your peripheral vision toji’s face darkened in anger. but you didn’t care if he was angry. he could suck it!
“what mom? i’m being a good girl.” you slid over your couch and laid there, upside down, texting on your phone, trying to make late plans. “maybe i’ll ask my friend if i can go to a party. aye, that’ll do it. i can go get wasted.” you chuckled. 
you knew your mother was probably rubbing her temple and your ‘step-father’ was consoling her. he literally made you want to vomit. he made you angry and his presence was a nuisance to you.      
“y/n, you know how we feel about you going to those parties. besides i don’t really like your friends,” toji crossed his arms. he had a way of making your mother think exactly like him. even if she was half on your side and thinking she would immediately turn her morals to his. your mother treated your step-father as if he was all knowing. she listened and did everything he told her. it bothered you so much. 
you jumped up from the couch and made your way to toji’s huge form. he was humongous, broad shoulders, muscles galore, he almost touched your house's ceiling. he was a huge man. that didn’t intimidate you one bit. “you can’t tell me what to do. this is my house, my mom, and my life.”
toji smirked, “that’s true but i also am your step-father.” he took one step closer to you. the air shifting between you two. his arms were crossed over his chest. you never realized how thick he was on his chest area. they literally protruded under his arms. still, even with his size, you didn’t want him to think he won. 
“i know who you really are. you can’t fool me. and you will never be my father,” you uttered the words so that only you and toji could hear. you thought that would break him but instead it grew a gleam in his eyes. something shined within him that made him break the smirk into a toothy grin. he was playing your game. “whatever. i’ll just call megumi and hang out with him. we’ll go trick-or-treating.”
“megumi texted me. he’s going with yuji itadori actually. so, it looks like it’s just you and me sweetheart.” toji winked. 
you threw your hands up in the air frustrated. “yay,” your mom clapped her hands, “daddy and daughter time.”
you went upstairs and got changed in your ballerina costume. maybe you could separate from him and hang out with your friends. this was supposed to be a family gathering but of course, your mother had to ruin it. 
you came downstairs and as you came down you noticed your mom was gone and instead toji sat on the couch. something was different with him. “you done?” he called out. 
you stood at the top of the stairs, waiting for him to turn around. he stood up and turned and you knew that something was different. you felt different with your step-dad. toji smirked as he showed up in a nightwing costume. each muscle outlined, his hair disheveled, and he was wearing the eye mask. he leaned against the couch, you couldn't help it but divert your eyes to his cock. it was outlined as well, and…huge. you gulped. “wow you look-”
“cool?” he slowly walked over to the end of the stairs. “not so boring?” his eyes slowly made their way from your legs up to your face. “ballerina?”
you did your makeup pink themed and you wore a cute gloss over your lips. your lips were pursed out, all innocent looking. you were all pink and girly. super feminine. even painting your nails red. you wore a pink leotard with a sheer pink skirt. the leotard was tight, showing all your curves and ass. you looked like a cake topper, a cute pink macaroon. any man would want to take a bite. 
“sweetheart, you look so beautiful. so perfect, delicate.” he whispered as his hands traveled up your legs. you didn’t have a snappy comeback. instead he made you flustered. his eyes held some kind of villainy within him. his neck curved, his adam's apple bobbing up and down as he stared up at you as if you were an angel. he looked guilty and wanting at the same time. his eyes were half-lidded. you noticed the way he sniffed the air, sniffing you. his big, calloused hands looked so gigantic against your legs, covering your entire calf as he rubbed it lightly and squeezed it gently. “you ready?” his voice was hoarse. 
you covered your face, wanting to hide your emotions and feelings. you were only human. “yeah, whatever. let’s just get this over with, old man.” you pushed him aside as you walked in front of him. you realized he was staring at your ass. 
what was wrong with your step-father? he was your mother’s boyfriend! and yet why did you feel dirty? why did you feel that if something happened today you would let him do whatever he wanted to you? why did you want him to do something to you? why was he acting this way all of a sudden? 
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everyone was out. the night was young as so many families walked around the neighborhood in their costumes, wanting candy. you knew the town, knew the houses, the streets so you walked around like you knew everyone, it was true you did. toji looked at you with pride. the way you walked around, not afraid, acting like you were the main character. a part of him was irked by your rudeness but also he couldn't help but stare at you. he couldn’t help but be attracted to you. 
“let’s pause here,” you said. you had put a spray around your hair and neck that was sparkles. it twinkled in the moonlight. this caught toji’s attention. you smelled like vanilla and looked like a diamond. all your sparkles catching his eye. you whipped your phone out and leaned your head against toji’s shoulder. “let’s take a selfie and send it to mom. she wants one.” you lied through your teeth. you looked away as you said this lie. 
toji grinned evilly. “mom? or more like you?” his face dipped to your height. he pushed you against a fence, caging your small body with his. you winced, finally breaking, he was winning. your tiny hands pressed against his chest, strong and plump. you were hot. toji was pinning you against the fence. his face was only centimeters away from yours. “c’mon baby. you can tell daddy the truth.”
“i-i-it’s. okay fine. doesn’t matter. mom will like it.” you shouted, hiding your face. you were never bashful or shy! why were you becoming like this? he made you this way!
“okay, let’s send her a selfie.” toji all of a sudden picked you up, arm under your ass as his big hands gripped your plump thighs. “what the fuck?” your body was placed on his shoulder. the sides of your leotard rising higher from the movement. your heart was beating faster than ever before. “toji, what are you doing-”
“toji? angel, i’m your step-father. call me daddy.”
you gulped, “f-fine. what are you doing, daddy?” you felt the heat rush to your cheeks. you also felt wetness down at the name. 
“i’m taking a picture with my sweet baby girl. alright, say cheese!”
you hated him. hated him more than ever in this moment. he was playing with you and your mom. he was messing with your mind. you knew it wasn’t because he actually liked you, it was because he wanted to get back at you for earlier. “n-no! i don’t have to listen to you.” you crossed your arms. the side of your ass was pressed next to toji’s face. toji raised his brow and shook his head, “good girls listen.” his mouth then turned to bite a piece of your ass peeking from the leotard. it was a light bite and then his tongue peaked out and licked the bite. “c’mon, smile.” 
you jumped but was held still by toji. “toji-i mean, daddy!” your step-father just bit your ass. and you liked it. you liked it so much. you wiggled on his shoulder. finally, you smiled and toji took the selfie. he came out so attractive. his jawline was prominent in the photo, he looked like a model. his smirk making his scar above his lip prominent. you were wide eyed looking innocent in the camera. more from what toji just did seconds ago and from where you were seated. toji carried you like you weighed nothing.
he put you back down and you felt dizzy from everything. what were you feeling? “send me that picture,” toji’s hands landed on your shoulder then traveled up to around your neck, caressing your skin there. “i think you look so beautiful in it.”
why were you so quiet? you decided, toji wasn’t going to win. you were going to give him a taste of his own medicine. 
you both went to a door. you knew who lived there. it was a guy that you knew had a crush on you from when you both were in high school. of course, you never liked him but you wanted toji to realize you didn’t care about him and his actions. 
toji knocked the door for you. he was behind you most of the day, keeping an eye out since it was night. you weren’t going to lie, you did like how protective he was over you. you felt safe with him. he always had a shoulder wrapped around you or his hand on you to make sure you were always with him. always standing behind you, close by, so close you can smell his cologne. 
“thank you daddy.” you smiled wide. excited for what was gonna happen. the door opened and low and behold it was the guy that had a crush on you. “y/n? wow, welcome! damn, you look good.” he eyed you up and down. you felt a hand on your shoulder. it was toji’s and it was tightening around you. you looked up behind you and saw his face. if looks could kill! he looked so scary! he wore a scowl and his eyes were dark, full of anger. 
you rolled your eyes and popped your butt out to the side, placing your hands on your hips, posing. “you think so baby? aww thank you, love!”
the guy leaned against the door frame, coming closer to you. toji pulled you back so you fell back against his chest. “i’m her boyfriend.”
“wh-what?” you were about to fight toji. trying to turn around to protest but toji held you in place. “so, back off.” he threatened with a glare. 
the guy backed off, throwing his hands up, surrendering. “damn, sorry man. i didn’t know. well, here’s some candy. enjoy your trick or treat y/n.”
you rolled your eyes and said a quiet “thank you.” you bent down to pick up the candy in the plastic jack o'lantern bucket. you noticed the guy backed away to look at your breasts almost spilling over. you knew toji would not like it. you heard toji grumble in the back of you. but you also noticed that when you bent over your ass by accidently grazed against toji’s dick, you felt it was hard! “c’mon baby. let’s go.” he grabbed your arm, dragging you away. 
you both walked without saying a word. most of the streets were empty, people heading home. toji acted weird, walking in front of you this time, which was something he didn’t do this whole time. 
“daddy?” you called out to him. 
“i can’t believe how you acted. the way he looked at you.” you saw toji rub his temple and bang the fence beside him with his fist. 
“it wasn’t my fault! he was the one all up on me. i was an innocent bystander. what was with the whole, oh i’m her boyfriend?” you imitated him. 
toji turned around, anger evident on his face. “sweetheart, i saw the way he looked at you, daddy knows that look. when a man wants to ravage a sweet girl. the way he looked at you made me so angry, so disgusted.” toji’s jaw clenched. “if i said i was your boyfriend, i knew he would leave you alone.”
you were so done. you shook your head and resumed to walk, wanting to be ahead of him and by yourself. you shoved against him, “whatever. i can’t stand you! i try to like you! try to give you a chance! you think you can play with my feelings and emotions. the way i feel!”
toji grabbed you and picked you up to press you against the fence, like earlier. caging your body. 
“not again with this!” you tried to push him away from you. 
toji clenched the sides of your head and dipped his head to press his feverishly lips against yours. the kiss was passionate, heated. the smacking of lips. you tried to not move your mouth but you couldn't help it. you needed to kiss him. you wrapped your tiny arms, compared to his, around his head to deepen the kiss. 
“daddy, i want you.” you moaned in the kiss. 
“i know baby. i know.” his tongue dragged into your mouth. fighting with your tongue. both breaths hot. moaning and groaning. teeth gnashing. your fingers tangled themselves in his hair. your body was automatically attracted to his, wanting to be pressed against him. 
“we shouldn't do this.” you said. 
“i know.” toji agreed. but then his lips went to your neck. you suck in the air as his plump lips touched the vein on your neck. he could feel your pulse, how rapid it was. you were excited. you wanted this so bad now. 
“you know i hate you so much,” you pushed toji’s head closer so he was licking all your neck. 
“i never hated you. i’ve tried to fight this feeling. but you are so stubborn, such a bad girl.”
you dragged his head back to your lips. you bit his lip. the flesh between your teeth as you dragged it out. eyes directly on his. 
toji picked you up, desperately, his hands under your ass, groping and squeezing your flesh. “you in this outfit. fuck. you really were testing me baby. daddy wanted to fuck you really bad.”
you grinded on his hands. loving how thick they were and veiny. he was very handsome as much as you hated him. “please daddy, fuck me. make me yours.” your eyes were innocent.
toji finally ripped his eye mask off, so his face was plain. you wanted to see his real, raw emotions while he fucked you. he held you with one hand, kissing you sloppily, while the other hand was starting to rip your leotard. “daddy, i’m not wearing underwear! everyone is gonna see me.”
“over my dead body,” he growled. “i’ll rip my costume and wrap it around you.” he ripped the fabric of the leotard that covered your pussy. 
when it was finally gone, you shivered slightly from the cool october air hitting your wet pussy. “i’m cold.” you pouted. 
“don’t worry. daddy, will make you all warm.” toji smirked as his thick fingers slowly touched your cunt. you gasped from the touch then hummed at the feeling. he knew what he was doing. “just like that.”
“baby likes this?”
“i would like it more if it was daddy’s cock.”
toji played with your wetness between his fingers then he lifted the fingers into his mouth. eye contact never leaving as he sucked his fingers dry. “wow, sweetheart. you taste so delicious. does this pussy belong to me?”
you nodded, so hot. his fingers circled your clit, making your legs shake from the nerves. he played with your folds, stretching them slightly. “you ready?”
you looked down at his pent up frustration. it was huge and it wasn’t even uncovered. “yes,” you said low. you were scared. you never fucked someone so big as him. 
“don’t worry baby, daddy will go slow for his angel.” he kissed your forehead as he unzipped. he took his swollen cock out. it was super thick, dripping already with need. he saw you that way as well. he was very much attracted to you. 
toji lifted your legs over his arms. your pussy wide and displayed for him. “look at that pretty pussy. all for daddy. it is so beautiful.”
he was wet and you were soaked. his cock slid it slowly into you. it was perfect. he fit you like a puzzle piece. it went in, inch by inch. “that’s it. take it.” his breath was shaky. you knew he wanted to fuck you hard, wanting to dive into you. but he took it slow. finally he bottomed out. 
“oh my god,” you moaned. moving your hips for him to go fast. 
“already baby! i just put it in. you naughty girl.” toji’s hips went back and forward. both of you getting wetter and squelching. skin sticking. “but if that’s what you want, my baby gets what she wants.” suddenly, toji’s hips started going quicker. he was humping up inside your cunt, your juice dripping down his cock. 
“yesss right there. fuck! yes daddy! right there daddy!” you hugged onto him. your grip tight. his balls slapped against your cunt. his thick cock was dragging in and out. this was not making love, this was pure, straight up, fucking you. he was feral. biting onto your shoulder. 
toji grunted, pounding inside you. nonstop. he was holding you and fucking you. sweat was dripping down his temple. you were pinned against someones fence, being fucked out of your mind. toji kissed you again while he fucked your brains out. loving how you clenched around him. how tight you were. 
“god i feel so full, daddy,” you cried. 
“that’s okay. take it. take it.” toji noticed how you pulsed around his dick. he loved how every time his cock came peeking out of you it was covered, drenched with your cream. you looked so perfect. so angelic. breathing harshly, trying to take all of him. lips puffy, eyelashes thick with tears from the stimulation. your hair was starting to stick to your skin from the sweat. you looked like his favorite vision. he wanted to remember this moment. paint a picture of you this way. his tongue licked inside your mouth, opened mouths making out. his cock and pounding didn’t stop. it went faster, fervently. needing. it was unstoppable. he was unstoppable. if someone was watching let them. you were worth it. he didn’t care in that moment about your mother, he wanted you. wanted to take you to a lair and fuck you everyday every second. you were his drug. 
“daddy, i don’t think i can last longer. i’m gonna cum!”
“go ahead baby. cum for daddy.” he growled as his forehead rested against yours. wanting to see your face. wanting to see how you looked as you took all his seed. 
“ahhhhh!” you shook, grasping onto toji’s shoulders. 
toji didn’t stop. he loved to feel your goopy-ness drip on his cock. it was warm and felt like a  velvet blanket of a waterfall onto him. 
“i’m so fucking lucky,” he whispered to you. “shittt, fuck,” he grunted as he finally came. not able to last because your pussy walls pulsed against his shaft, milking him for everything he was worth. 
“i love you daddy. thank you daddy, fuck,” you kissed him again. it was sloppy, disgusting. saliva everywhere. but you wanted him to know you were his but if he could be yours. 
“i know. i know.” he moaned against your lips. he was still into you and when you both calmed down he slipped out of you. before you could even ask him anything, he ripped his top in half and wrapped it around your hips. he held onto your hand to walk with you but you tripped. you were too weak and held still on the fence.
“i got you.” toji picked you up bridal style. “how bout we cuddle on the couch and watch spooky movies?
your tiny hands touched his face in a feather like touch, “okay. also, i don’t hate you as much.”
toji walked with you cuddled in his arms, he was smirking. “i know.”
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luvrhyune · 1 year
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-; ✧˖*°࿐ PHASES . HAN JISUNG .
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˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ SUMMARY ; heaven was calling his name, he was going through phases.
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ PAIRING ; rockstar! han jisung x gn! reader.
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— warnings ; MENTIONS OF DRUG USAGE AND ABUSE, established relationship, breaking up, jisung is a drug addict, song fic, pet names (jisung gets called angel, reader gets called sweet thing), ANGST.
— notes ; heyyy lol. i know we said fuck boy jeongin was next but this was entirely impulsive and idk. i don’t like the ending.
— notes ; i really recommend listening to phases by chase atlantic while reading this!!!
masterlist.
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han jisung was high on life. he had everything he could ever want, fame, his sweet thing that loved him no matter what, his band, a killer voice that flowed through the media — demanding attention from anyone who would listen. he had it all.
then he discovered drugs.
drugs were a poison to people like han jisung, to people who lived his lifestyle, once they found you — like a snake they’d sink their teeth in and wouldn’t let go until they had killed you off — or in this case, consumed you whole and became your whole life.
han jisung lived every day, consuming something that could give him a high, helping him escape from the troubles of life that weighed on his back. you, his sweet thing, couldn’t stand it. you watched him, day in and day out, high off his ass, spouting nonsense and losing himself. to tell the truth, you were terrified of him, the person he had become. that new shell, wasn’t your angel.
“i’m sorry you’re scared of me, sweet thing.” he whispered to you one night. you held him close, finding him in tears, loosing his shit because he couldn’t get his fill. you, yourself were in tears, you were in utter disbelief that was what had become of your angel, this was how life had chosen to treat this precious guy. “i’m sorry i’m dangerous.” he muttered, and you felt your heart slowly falling apart.
“we should talk,” you kissed against his skin, you felt him tense before he slowly shook his head. you sighed, watching the skin on his neck from goosebumps, the hair’s standing up to protect him. “our relationship, baby, it’s falling apart.” you felt his body start to shake, felt his hands grip the fabric of your shirt, his tears staining your clothes.
he shook his head again, “i hate when you say this,” he pulled back from you. he rubbed his hands under his eyes and his nose, wiping them back on his shirt. his face was covered in red splotches, painted over his nose, to his cheeks, and to the whites of his eyes, making it impossible for you to tell if it was from the tears, or his high.
“it’s not the relationship, it’s me, i’m falling apart.” he pointed right in the centre of his chest, trying to prove a point, trying to prove something. you couldn’t tell what, you couldn’t even process anything, your anger taking over senses at his statement.
you moved away from him, a frown on your face. “and whose fault is that?!” you spat at him. why only now was he realising, why did he only just figure out that he was wasting away? jisung flinched, and it shook you to your core, this was your angel, how the fuck did it get like this? you sighed, you were tired, tired of repeating yourself every night after he got like this, tired of every argument, tired of being bashed by your friends for staying, tired of all the people in love with your angel. everything was exhausting.
“what’s the point of love if it’s not real, ji?” you muttered, laying back on the mattress the two of you were perched upon. you felt him grab your hand, squeezing it as he leaned to tower over you, you studied his face silently — watching his lip quiver, watching his eyes squint ever so slightly to try and rid of the tears that you both noticed were breaking through.
“it’s angel..”
“you’re hanging on to me, and in your feels, angel,” you whispered, arms reaching out to cup his check. nothing but warmth in the palm of your hand as he leaned as far as he could into your touch, and you tried to wipe away his tears.
“i feel like i’m going insane.” he cried out, collapsing in the comfort of your chest, his arms wrapped around your figure as he clung to you. you allowed it, completely used to this routine with him.
“this is just a phase, angel, it’ll pass.” you kissed his temple, rubbing up and down his back. sweet nothings whispered to his hair and into his heart. you sat him up, forcing his arms away from you, knowing it was time to finally leave, knowing you wouldn’t if you didn’t right now.
“no,” he sobbed, head shaking frantically as he held onto your arms “you can’t leave me, sweet thing. i need you, please stay.” you held his face in your hands, kissing his lips, softly and slowly to remember them before pulling away with a soft smile.
han jisung, was a world wide, media sensation, however, he was your angel. his lifestyle was something you couldn’t keep up with, no matter how bad you wanted him, heaven was calling his name, and you couldn’t follow him.
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-; ✧˖*°࿐ TAG LIST !!
@hyunverse , @ddenoudepression , @sadge-momo , @asters-abditory-deactivated2023 , @foxinnie8 , @aestheticsluut , @arcane-sage , @bbujiikseu , @hwajin (KATHY I TAGGED KANA ON ACCIDENT LMFAOOO I’M AORRU) <3
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all rights reserved © property of @luvrhyune . please do not repost, claim or translate my work on this and / or any other platforms. thank you.
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prideprejudce · 10 months
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I love your take on Oppenheimer!! I completely agree! The whole time I was watching it I got this very strong sense that I was supposed to feel sorry for Oppenheimer cause he dID sO mUcH FoR hIs CoUnTrY and then they were mean to him :’( but it’s like he spent countless hours and billions of government money researching how to kill as many people as possible with minimal effort under the guise that it was all about the science when it is impossible for such an undertaking to be purely about the science. It was frankly naive of him to believe that the us government wouldn’t use the bomb the second it was available to them whether they needed to or not. And him feeling badly about it after the fact and regretting what he did does not excuse his actions or his naivety. The movie could’ve delved more deeply into this it could’ve shown the devastating effects of the bombs after they were dropped and could’ve demonstrated the long lasting effects it had on society as a whole in the decades that followed. Instead in the movie after the bomb is dropped we get to see the effects it had on Oppenheimer only. And to be honest I do not care that he felt bad I do not care that he lost his security clearance and I do not care that he was at long last “forgiven” by the government. He facilitated the murder of hundreds of thousands of innocent people and that in my opinion cannot be forgiven.
you summed it up perfectly - I was really hoping that we were going to get a good character dive into this man and how torn he was about the entire project- because on one hand it’s the pinnacle of everything that he’s ever worked towards and would solidify his name in history forever but…..on the other hand……he is still building a weapon of mass destruction
I just personally think this movie took a more shallow approach with it by giving him the “hallucinations” of the bomb all the sudden after trinity was a successful and then he FINALLY starts to feel torn about it. Whereas before he was just like “well whatever 🤷 someone’s gotta do it”. Now all the sudden he’s realizing that he built a nuclear BOMB? Idk i just feel like by the end Oppenheimer was just as much of a mystery as he was at the start and just….didn’t feel like a real character to me. what motivated him or drove his moral values seemed to change on every two minute scene
and personally I think so much time was wasted on the Strauss vs Oppenheimer plot. Like the big “twist” in the middle of the movie was revealing that Strauss was the “bad guy” the whole time who wants to boot Oppie out of the government but…..why should we care? We’ve only had a few scenes with the guy beforehand and never built much connection with him to begin with? All the sudden he’s the one to look out for? Ok….whatever? lol
what I will say though was that RDJ and Cillian Murphy acted their asses off and made the story as palpable as they could. And of course all the visuals of the trinity bomb were fantastic. I’m not knocking anyone who loved the movie. I just had such big hopes for this project since the beginning and it personally just missed the mark for me
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pralinesims · 7 months
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Seven Sins Challenge: Which of your OCs fits pride, greed, wrath, envy, lust, gluttony and sloth. Then pass it on...(or not, it's okay!) How are you btw???!! Love lots <3
(Also got this ask from @agena87, TYSM!) LANA!! I'm doing a bit better, how about you? ILY and appreciate you so much!!!
Which OC's fit to the seven deadly sins: YES The yes as a joke aside, in all honesty, the majority of aspects/sins would fit to assign to almost any OC of mine, cause most of them are some deeply flawed individuals lol
More fleshed out answers to the traits that fit the most:
Pride: Emilio - He's a very prideful person, proud of his family, proud of his upbringing, proud of his achievements, well, proud of almost everything. Which is one of the reasons why he feels so down whenever something in life doesn't work as he planned, or wished for, or also why he has high standards for other people aswell. He simply wants everyone to be at their max form, cause in his eyes it's a big advantage to have in life.
Greed: Aaron - Well if this isn't fitting idk what is lol. Greed is definitely a big aspect of his personality and of his actions. Like doing outrageous stuff online for reactions? Most of these can be linked back due to him being greedy for followers and attention. It's not only online-based though, craving for recognition and for the feeling of being better than everyone else reflects back to his regular life and interactions aswell.
Wrath: Luca - Dude is pretty fuelled by anger, it's one of the heaviest triggers for his impulses and a big reason why he's often losing control to his urges. Is very heavily attached to the things he holds dear, so whenever something/somebody hurts him, he'll quickly bury the feelings of hurt underneath negativity and that usually leads to explosive moments.
Envy: Sharon - Tbh barely a day of her's goes by without thinking of herself in the shoes of some other. Whether it's because someone else is in a relationship and she is not, or other people getting to interact with their families (because she doesn't have one), feeling happy whenever someone experiences misfortune, leads to her feeling better because at that moment she isn't the one suffering, stuff like that pretty much shapes her mood.
Lust: Vale - Gotta say it's self explaining lmao, and also it just fits all over bc despite being a pretty nihilistic person, he'd feel even less desire to live without simple enjoyments (short lived flings, alcohol or cigarettes, free time alone, etc) in life, so if he wants something, he gets/does it, no matter the measures, or if it's forbidden or frown upon, like he doesn't care about any consequences, cause the lust for his desires (even if only temporary) outweighs most things.
Gluttony: Maggie - This was the hardest one to assign tbh, but it fits to Maggie the most. She's kinda wasteful, for example as in that she buys way too much food, and thus tends to throw a lot of it out, because she just doesn't think about if she will truly use up everything. This doesn't extend to food only, she simply may buy too many things cause she simply can't get enough and loses overview of a realistic view of uses. Also it doesn't help that she gets attached to material possessions kinda quickly.
Sloth: Kaia - She's not lazy at all, it's rather that she often just doesn't... care. A very chill person, some would describe her as too chill. Like, her job? She does it because not many people else would do, and she doesn't mind doing it, cause well, it's just a job to her. Not many things surprise or shock her, as she herself found the explanation for most stuff in life. Which is probably a reason generally why she often seeks out more extreme stuff for excitement.
Gina gets a pass for this challenge bc neither of these sins fit her very much (and she's also the 8th one heh)
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angel-eyes05 · 1 year
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i remember his hands - chapter 3
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PAIRING: kang the conqueror x fem!reader
SUMMARY: after a scientific experiment goes horribly wrong, you've been transported to the quantum realm and have been stuck there for the past decade. with no company, aside from janet van dyne, your life changes forever when a mysterious man in a golden ship crash lands next to your settlement. startled with his initial presence, you two have a rocky start. but as time goes on, you two find each other slowly drawn to one another. you have secrets though, and he has a past he refuses to bring up. can you two make it through navigating an unknown world together, discovering any ulterior motives, and stand the test of time in a place where time has no meaning at all?
INFO: slow romantic burn, pretty fast sexual burn, kinda enemies to lovers????, takes place during that little flashback janet has during quantumania, idk how accurate this is gonna be to canon stuff cause i get very confused about the quantum realm lol, reader is in mid to late 20s while kang is in his “early 30s” (ik he like technically doesn't age or whatever idk the lore but i just made it accurate to jonathan majors age and wanted to give an accurate age range/gap/count), y/n will be very fleshed out like im gonna give her everything lol
WARNING: explicit language, smut (minors dni), masturbation (f), oral sex (fem receiving), cum play, not a very happy ending (guys aftercare is important)
CHAPTER WORD COUNT: 2.5k
NOTES: i just wanna say thank you for all the love recently! idk if ill set a specific schedule for when ill release the chapters or not cause honestly i just work better whenever i write when i want without a time constraint so thats probably what i’ll end up doing. if you want me to write a specific one shot for kang or even another character (i feel most comfortable writing for mcu, star wars, the last of us, and stranger things, but if i know the piece of media youre talking about and feel comfortable writing about the character, im down) just lmk! also i decided at the last second this was gonna be a smuty chapter so..yeah!
PREVIOUS PART
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It had been about two weeks since you found Kang at the crash site. Despite the moment you two had when you first fixed him up, you two had very little interactions since then. It made sense though. Both of you were taking your own separate times to heal, you in your room, bedridden from your horrible headaches, him on the couch, still unable to walk due to his foot and abdomen. According to Janet, he hasn’t been very talkative. He would occasionally respond to her comments about how he was feeling, but wouldn’t say anything about where he came from or why he was here. So she just stopped asking. It took a while for you to open up to Janet about how you got here at first as well though, so you understood why he would be all shut up about it. It got you thinking about how you ended up here. How much you left behind. God you wish you got the chance to leave a note or something. At the very least, for them…
You quickly dragged yourself out of that thought, knowing the path it would lead you down led to nothing but wasted tears. It was late at night, and you laid sleepless in your bed, so it was easy to let your mind wander. To distract yourself, you replayed the moment with him in your mind. You were a little touch starved, in that way at least, so feeling Kang’s hand in that sensitive of an area drove you mad. Thinking about it would always give you the same reaction. Butterflies slowly fluttering into your stomach, roses blooming onto your cheeks, and the near uncontrollable urge to touch yourself. You know your relationship was non existent right now and had a horrible start, but sometimes you wondered what would happen if you walked over to the couch right now and started to kiss him. The only thing you ended up doing though was changing your now soaked underwear.
You always felt bad when you let yourself think like that. Poor guy was probably just looking for something to hold while he was in pain. And you were taking advantage of it. Then again, you remembered how he slowly pulled his fingers away from your thigh once you were finished stitching him up, an act that did seem very purposeful. Again though, he might have done that unconsciously. You always sent yourself into this back and forth inner dialogue with yourself about his intentions in that moment. Whether you liked it or not, during the past two weeks, you’ve only had two things on your mind: your pain, and him.
With the mix of your restless mind, the ache between your legs, and your now grumbling stomach, you decide to get out of bed and go to the kitchen to find something to eat. Also partially because you would get to see him, awake or not. To be honest, you preferred him asleep. You could just admire him from a far, without the complexities of a conversation to mess anything up. You crept into the hallway, adjusting your eyes from the dim light in your room to the rest of the house, enveloped in the darkness. Thankfully, you knew the layout of the house well, so you doubted you would trip over anything. You wandered throughout the cabin until you got past Janet’s room and into the kitchen. You didn’t realize how flawed your plan was, it just now clicking that you wouldn’t be able to see Kang in the darkness. You didn’t entirely mind though. Just knowing he’s in the same room as you put your thoughts slightly at ease. 
You finally make it to the counter and put your arms out to find something. They land on a round, spiked fruit. Too scared of accidentally cutting yourself if you use a knife to peel it, you decide just to bite into it. Juice drips down from your mouth as your teeth sink into the fruit. Although the food here was no where near as good as back home, you managed to find a few gems here. The fruits were definitely one of them. Once you finish with the fruit, you use the sleeve of your loose shirt to wipe your mouth. You paced the room a bit, still kind of restless. Your eyes still haven’t entirely adjusted to the dark, but you think you have a pretty good standing of your ground. That is until you trip over the back of the couch. You brace yourself for the impact of flying over the couch and waking up everyone in the process, until you’re suddenly stopped.
It’s a hand. No, not just a hand. The hand. His hand.
Again, it stays there longer than it should have. Placed just below where your sternum meets your breasts. You could feel your heart beating faster the longer his hand stayed there. “You’re a loud chewer” Kang finally said. It was more of a deep whisper though. God you loved the sound of his voice, despite the few times you heard it. “You must be a light sleeper then” you replied in a similar tone. Despite still not being able to see his face, you could tell he was smirking. He slowly push you back up to your normal position. The trick was that he didn’t move his hand. He actually tightened his grip on your shirt. That’s when it clicked for you. He wanted it just as bad as you did. 
You then placed your hand over Kang’s, rubbing deep circles just below his knuckles with your thumb. Then, he began to pull you by your shirt to the front side of the couch. You followed his hand until he stopped pulling, leaving you in the same place you were when you stitched up his shoulder. You stood there as he began to move his hand down from your sternum. The feeling of him dragging his fingers down your body at an agonizingly slow pace was enough to get your starved pussy wet. Then he got to your hips, where your loose pants rested. He then took his other hand and used both hands to drag your pants off. Once you kicked them off, he went back up to your panties, hooking his pointer finger around the sides of them and dragged those off even slower than the pants. 
He then placed his hands on your bare hips, digging his thumbs into them. A slight moan escaped your lips. In response, he placed his finger over your mouth in a shushing action. “She can’t hear you.’’ You were overcome with embarrassment at the fact you were so enveloped in the thought of having sex with Kang that you forgot that Janet was only a room away. You decided now you had to be silent, however hard that would prove to be later. He put that hand back on your hip and helped you onto his chest. You placed your hands over his shirtless shoulders, being mindful of his left one. You pressed your hands deeply into them and began to massage them. Thank god your eyes had finally adjusted to the dark, because now you could see every emotion playing across his face as you sunk your hands deeper into his shoulder muscles. You moved the massage down his arms, making your way to his biceps. They were massive and tough. All you could think about was how much you wanted them around your neck. Ironic. Once you moved on from those and finally made it to his hands, you took hold of them.
You used them to help you take off your shirt and bra. After tossing your bra to the floor, you placed his hands on your breasts and began to grope them with his hands. His eyes rolled back into his head, and as soon as you could tell he was about to moan, you smashed your lips into his to capture it. You took your hands off of his to cup his jaw to fully envelop yourself in the kiss. He kept one hand on your breast while he moved the other one down and began to run circles around your clit. You softly moaned into his mouth with each rotation he made. As each second went by, the kiss became more intense. More desperate. You had no idea how long it had been since he had touched someone like this, and you knew it had been forever since you were touched like this. You two both had some desperation to your actions. Like this would be the last time either of you would experience something like this ever again. Both of you so starved of touch. You needed this so badly, and part of you knew he needed it too.
As he began to circle your clit with more ferocity, you felt the heat in your chest growing stronger. God he had just started and you were already about to come. You didn’t to yet. If you did, that meant it would be over. Lucky for you, you felt his hand pull away from your clit. He pulled away from the kiss ass well, panting. “I need you to help me up for a second” he said. You reluctantly got up, wondering if he was just going to leave you here like this. It was just now that you realized how naked you were. Sure, he didn’t have a shirt on, but you still felt much more exposed than him for some reason. You helped him up onto his feet, also now realizing exactly how much taller he was than you. Seeing him staring down at you like that. Like you had suddenly become the most important thing in the world to him. Suddenly, he turned you around and shoved you onto the couch. You sat there as he kneeled down and began too kiss your inner thighs.
He moved those strong, dry hands of his to the top of your thighs and sprayed them out against them. He dug his fingers into them as he moved his mouth from your inner thigh to your lips. Feeling his warm breath against them in the cold room sent shivers down your spine. You grabbed the top of his head for leverage as you thrust your hips into his mouth.  “Look at you” he said in between kisses. “Being such a good girl and getting so wet for me. Seems like you completely forgot about the fact we were trying to kill each other two weeks ago.” It was strange to you a little. You had convinced yourself you wouldn’t be safe in the same house as Kang, and now here you were, completely naked on the couch with him eating you out. 
He wasn’t doing enough though. You weren’t nearly as satisfied as you were when he was circling your clit. He had yet to stick his tongue in you, all he was doing was kissing your folds. He was just teasing you again. “P-please” you said desperately. “I-I need y-you d-deeper.” He removed his mouth from your area and moved his hand to your clit again as he talked to you to keep you stimulated. “Oh thats what you want now? Am I not doing enough for you? Because I could stop if that’s what you prefer.” “N-n-no!” you nearly shouted out. “P-please, I-I j-just wanna f-feel you.” He sat there for a moment thinking, fingers still on your clit. “P-please Kang-g.” You asked again, looking deep into his eyes. “Well, since you asked so nicely. And plus, how could I say no to someone as pretty as you. Sitting there so neat and ready for me.” 
Next thing you know, he dives back in, his tongue licking all over your folds and into your pussy. Your strangled moan makes one strange noise, but he must have liked it because he moved his hands up to grab deep into your hips in response. God you could stay here for hours. Layed here sprawled out on the couch with him eating you out. You just wish you could moan and whine for you. You wanted so desperately to scream his name out into the world and let it know how much he had you under his grasp. And you knew he wanted it also. But that was part of the appeal of everything. Knowing you had to stay quite. It made it more enticing. But man you couldn’t wait until you had the cabin to yourself. When he could fuck you through your bed properly, where you could scream his name at the top of your lungs, and him with yours. For now though, you would take this. It was enough for what you needed right now.
As he moved his tongue from your folds to your swollen clit, he begins to suck on it. You felt the heat return back to your core as you itched with pleasure, a roaring tide begging to wash from your pelvis into his mouth. The heat of his breath on you, the tightening grip of his hands on your hips, his tongue fluttering over your folds and clit, the soft hums he would make after tasting you. “F-fuck K-kang. I-I-I’m gonna c-cum” you said, the words barely making it out of your mouth without being mixed with a moan. He nods slightly in approval, gliding his tongue over your folds like silk and moving on of his hands to circle your clit to help pull it out of you. Finally, you feel the wave escape your pussy. You grab a pillow near you and release all your moans and screams into as the ecstasy exits you and enters his mouth. You arch your back as he tries to swallow as much of your cum as he can. You’re blinded by the intensity of your orgasm as your thighs tense up and you can hardly move anything, except to move the noises out of your mouth.
Once you finish, Kang stays there, licking off the last of your essence off your folds and feeling your throbbing clit under his tongue. He backs away from your pussy and moves up to your mouth as he kisses you, sharing with you some of your cum. He uses your shirt to clean up his mouth and the remaining bits of cum from your folds. To your surprise though, after that, he tosses the shirt on the floor, stands up, and walks away to your room. In shock, you convince yourself he went to your room to grab you a new change of clothes. Once you hear the door close though, you snap yourself back into reality. Looking down at yourself, naked and trembling (part from the cold and part from the orgasm), embarrassment floods your body. You couldn’t believe how easy you gave yourself up for him. God you knew you were desperate, but you didn’t know you were that desperate. And there he was in the other room, sleeping in your bed. Leaving you there on the couch, laying out naked, waiting for someone to take you away like some fantasy. But there you were. Alone. And really fucking cold.
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NEXT PART
A/N: yeaaaaaaaah, i needed drama so i did that. sucks but i didnt have any other ideas sorry lol. hope you liked the chapter though! this was actually my first time writing smut so i hope i didnt do that bad. looking forward to chapter 4!!! also sorry i didnt really proofread this one either cause it was super late when i posted it so sorry
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