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#stray kids x yn
hyunverse · 8 days
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wherever you are ☆ hwang hyunjin.
hyunjin x fem!reader. childhood best friends to lovers. slowburn, pining. fluff, angst. suggestive. a hyunjin birthday special.
wc: 12.9k words.
warnings: reader often referred to as "girl," suggestive. mentions of sex.
note: this fic is my baby. it might be one of my favourite things i've ever written so far, please treat it well <3 feedbacks are very much appreciated.
playlist.
Hyunjin promised you that he'll be wherever you are. What do you do when your best friend of years — the only person you've ever loved disappears without saying goodbye? Especially when you've spent your entire life with Hyunjin, you didn't know of life without him.
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one.
“Happy Birthday, Hyunjin.”
It was Hyunjin’s 10th birthday. 
Despite already singing him a happy birthday song, you muttered the wish once again in the comfort of his tree house. He sat adjacent to you, feet dangling over the platform, the large leaves hovering over the tree house’s roof providing shelter from the blinding sunlight. 
He hummed in gratitude, eyes busy watching Kkami running around below the tree house. Afternoons with Hyunjin were often spent like this — hanging out in the tree house as Kkami played around on the grass, its barks mirroring its happiness. For years, you’ve spent enjoying the fact that your afternoons were spent like this — were spent with Hyunjin, in childish innocence. 
After letting the silence take over for a while, Hyunjin turned his head towards you, a little surprised once he saw that you were already looking at him. He tried his best to not let his surprise show. 
“Why did you want to come up here? I thought you were enjoying the party inside.” 
Indeed, you were enjoying the birthday party, a little too much for Hyunjin’s liking. The boys from Hyunjin’s school came to the party, and you seemed to get along with them quickly, despite being the only girl at the party. Hyunjin hates to admit it but he was a little envious. He told himself that he’s jealous because he’s your number one best friend, so you should pay more attention to him. It was true, but only partially — he was jealous because they were all boys. Not that he would ever admit that to himself.
To Hyunjin’s question, you responded by extending your arms to him, revealing a white box in your palm. He took it, quickly recognizing it as a jewellery box. He’s received one of them after purchasing a Mother’s Day gift. Quietly, he examined the engravings on the box, and the pristine look of it. Honestly, he was impressed by how clean you have kept it. You had always been one to dirty your white clothes. 
“What’s this?” he asked, answering his own enquiry by opening the box with you sitting close, peering over his hands.
Hyunjin’s heart skipped a beat.
In the box laid two necklaces, black strings with Lego pieces as pendants. They were matching necklaces. The Lego piece of each necklace formed a heart when joined together. His brown eyes widened, in disbelief of the gift. He’s never received something like this — something matching. It made his heart flutter — no, it beat faster than it does while playing soccer. Hyunjin turned to look into your eyes, and it was as though he had found a new revelation in yours. The more Hyunjin looked at you, the more the realization seeped in, until it overtook his senses.
You’re a girl. 
You weren’t just the kid from next door, you weren’t like his other friends — you’re a girl. You like Disney princesses, you have a pretty face, you like Sanrio characters, you have soft hair, you like painting nails, you have pink lips from your strawberry lip balm, you like matching necklaces — you’re a girl. 
A very pretty girl.
It felt like a revelation after having been friends with you for over five years. As though the necklaces in the box held some sort of power to snap one from a trance. Hyunjin realized that you were different from his other friends. For one, you have softer hands. Moreover, you’re someone he can develop a crush on — or whatever girls call it. 
His finger traced the pendants, feeling the bumps of the Lego pieces. He smiled, one that reached his ears. You felt yourself releasing the breath you didn’t realize you were holding. 
“I love it soooo much. Thank you.”
Unlike other boys (the stinky ones from your school), Hyunjin didn’t cringe at the gift. The way he gently examined the necklaces mirrored the appreciation he felt towards it. If he was any other boy, he would’ve probably laughed at the gift, then poked fun at you. 
Then again, Hyunjin had never been like the other boys you knew.
He was different in the way he spoke softly to you (softer than he would to his guy friends), and how he would let you change the TV channel from Snoopy to Totally Spies. He had always been different, that being the reason why you were so fond of him. 
“You like it? Really?” you queried, staring at him. You watched his expressions carefully, trying to sense for any lies.
“Really! Which one do you want?” he answered, absolutely no hesitations. He wasn’t lying.
Hyunjin panned the box towards you, prompting you to pick which necklace. One was in black, the other in white. As always, he gave in to you, letting you be the one to choose. 
“White!”
The sun was setting when you both swayed your legs, wearing the matching necklaces. Hyunjin was genuinely happy, one of his hands wouldn’t stop fiddling with the pendant. The party was still lively inside, but he much preferred sitting with you — his one and only best friend. 
“Yn,” your best friend’s voice broke you from your trance. “What do you want for your birthday?” 
“Hm,” you pondered, tapping your pointer on your chin in a cartoonish manner.
He was looking at you, an expectant expression on his face. You pulled up your legs to cross them as you thought. 
“I think…” your voice trailed, “I want to be the best ballerina in the world and move to Paris!” 
Hyunjin rolled his eyes, “at least make it something I could give you!”
You pouted, “but that’s what I want!” 
The boy sighed, laying back on the rough surface of the tree house. He looked up, observing the little glow-in-the-dark stars plastered onto the tree house ceiling. He recalled putting them up with you. You were impossible to deal with. Hyunjin desperately wanted to know your wish — something he could give you for your birthday. Your gift to him made him really happy, and he wished to return the favour. 
“Then, I’ll be the best artist in the world and move to Paris with you.” 
It was such an innocent, child-like answer — straight from a 10-year-old’s desire. Untainted by the boulevard of broken dreams. As if anything in the world was possible, and that the universe was kind all the time. 
“Really?” you chirped, looking at him with disbelief in your eyes. You giggled in glee and plopped yourself down beside him. “Really really? You really really really mean it, Hyunnie?” 
At that point, Hyunjin could only giggle and nod. “Of course! I’ll be wherever you are.”
The manner in which you hugged him expressed your excitement. You were practically suffocating him, wrapping your legs around his waist and squeezing tightly. 
“You’re my best friend in the world!” 
Hyunjin felt like he could die. 
His heart continued beating rapidly, worsened by you nuzzling your face into his neck. Hyunjin knew, it was just you being your usual self. However, the revelation he experienced minutes earlier made the tips of his ears turn red. 
“Hyunjin! Come down here! Your friends are about to leave!”
At that very moment, Hyunjin silently thanked his mother for saving him.
two.    
“What do you want to be when you grow up?”
A question which had you staring into space — the walls of Hyunjin’s bedroom for a while. The blue walls were plastered with posters of numerous musicians and self-made artworks.
It wasn’t that you didn’t know the answer. You knew. Ballet had been a part of your life since small, it was your everything. It wasn’t that you were unsure if you wanted to do ballet, you were unsure if you should be doing ballet. 
Uneasiness settled into your stomach, but you tried to keep them in. You were in no mood to be going through an identity crisis.
“Ballerina,” you stated, matter-of-factly. Your eyebrows furrowed when Hyunjin chuckled.
“What?”
“Your answer hasn’t changed,” Hyunjin laughed, but not in a humorous way. Rather, it was in an expectant way, as if he knew that’s what you would answer. 
You straightened your posture and tilted your head. Hyunjin laughed even more, making a comment that you looked like Kkami.
“Have you asked me the same thing before?”
He nodded, “sort of? Kind of. On my tenth birthday, I asked you what you wanted.” Hyunjin cleared his throat and took a deep breath, mimicking the voice of younger you. “I want to be the best ballerina in the world and move to Paris!”
“Oh, shut up!” you rumbled, hitting him with his bolster repeatedly. “That’s not how I sounded like!”
“It so was!” 
Truthfully, you couldn’t quite recall the memory. You didn’t doubt Hyunjin though, it did sound like something you would’ve said. 
You queried again.
“What did you answer then?” 
Hyunjin turned silent. He didn’t like where this was going, not fond of recalling the cheesy answer he gave you. As he looked away from your gaze, you pressed him further. Even threatened to dog-nap Kkami.
“Fine. I said… I said I’ll be the best artist in the world and move to Paris too…” his voice trailed, getting smaller, “said I’ll be wherever you are…”
Your eyebrows raised, scooting closer to him in mock confusion. “Sorry? Didn’t hear you.” 
A pillow hit your head, and you burst out into peals of laughter. It was hilarious, the cheesy answer little Hyunjin gave, but what amused you even more was his face turning red. 
Touches of laughter echoed in the room, and Hyunjin found himself praying the moment would last forever. The conversation quickly escalated into a pillow fight, ending up in Hyunjin leaning against his headboard, exhausted, and you laying on his lap. 
You looked up at him, eyes fleeting to the stubble growing. Mindlessly, you grazed his cheek, feeling his sideburns prickling against your thumb. 
He was growing, you realized it then. You were growing too. Neither of you were little kids anymore.
A fact you didn't want to accept.
It’s the softness of your fingers that froze Hyunjin in his tracks. He held his breath, as if you would stop if he moved. He didn’t want you to, wanted to let your fingers linger, to etch the sensation into his memories. 
In a soft tone, you spoke, “Did you really mean it?”
“Hm?”
“Would you be wherever I am?”
Hyunjin’s breath hitched, a lump growing in his throat. If he spoke, he feared his feelings would become too real. For as long as he could, he wanted to bury his feelings deep down. Life was already risky as it is, he didn’t want to take any more.
It’s platonic. It’s platonic. It’s platonic.
They repeated in his brain like a mantra. Maybe if he chanted it, it’ll manifest to life.
“Yeah,” Hyunjin swallowed, “of course I will. You’re my best friend.” 
Like magic, your worries about the future disappeared into thin air. Would it be foolish to trust Hyunjin so much, that you believed life would be fine as long as he was with you? 
Dear universe, be good to me.
You smiled, one that Hyunjin swore could light up the entire sky. The stars must envy you, for the way you could brighten up darkness effortlessly. 
“I’ll be wherever you are too.”
Yeah, Hyunjin would love it if time froze.
three.  
Don’t be a coward. 
Four words Hyunjin told his reflection as he got ready. He was dressed in a basic tee and a pair of jeans, hair slicked back like the one time you told him it looked good. He spritzed his cologne behind his ears, on his neck, and on his wrist before repeating the four words again. This time, he whispered it, letting it soak into his brain, in hopes his heart would have courage. 
It’s been too long. The feelings he harboured for you piled overtime, the crush he once thought was temporary transforming into fondness. It was becoming too much for Hyunjin’s heart to bear, he needed to let it out. If he didn’t, he felt like his heart could burst. And if it did, it would be confetti-shaped memories of you. 
Chatters echoed outside your ballet academy, Hyunjin watched through the lowered window for your face among the sea of people. He had a plan in mind — he’d open the door for you, put the seatbelt on for you, and tell you about his feelings. In front of your academy wasn’t the most ideal place for a confession, he knew, but God — he couldn’t bear sitting in silence with you as a storm raged in his head. He couldn’t do it. He wanted to say it as soon as he could. 
Hyunjin’s eyes were still busy looking for you when suddenly, your face came in his peripheral vision, along with another face. The other person was lean, jet black hair with bangs and puppy-like eyes. The boy opened the door for you before Hyunjin could. 
Okay, step number one failed. 
“Hey, Hyunnie!” your voice chirped, getting into the car. Your hand moved to buckle your seatbelt before Hyunjin could. He was too busy analysing the stranger in front of the door.
“Hey,” Hyunjin replied nonchalantly, looking at the boy from head to toe. “And this is…?”
“Seungmin. And you?” the boy said, tilting his head. To Hyunjin, he was being challenged. Seungmin’s tone was more daring than he liked, so he felt an urge to one-up the guy.
“Hyunjin. Been friends with Yn since were in diapers.” he replied, the extra detail a pathetic attempt at one-upping Seungmin. 
Seungmin furrowed his eyebrows, nodding as he shut your door, “Uh. Cool? Bye, Yn. And the friend since diapers.” 
Oh, Hyunjin really didn’t like him. 
“Wait, Seungminnie!” you called out just as Seungmin was walking away. He looked back at the car, raising an eyebrow. You turned to Hyunjin with puppy eyes. “Can you give Seungminnie a ride? He takes the bus and I think the next one’s in an hour.”
Hyunjin clenched his jaw, eyes fluttering from your pleading eyes to Seungmin’s figure outside the car. If it was all up to him, he would probably run the guy over. But God knew how much he cherished you, how he would rather cut his tongue than tell you “no,” so he agreed.
“Mm. Sure,” he replied, swallowing back a scoff. 
Your eyes brightened, “Seungminnie! Come, we’ll give you a ride!” you yelled, tempting Hyunjin to mock the nickname you’d given him.
It was going to be a car ride straight out of hell. 
Hyunjin’s knuckles were white against the steering as he pulled up to Seungmin’s residence complex. The building standing in front of him definitely belonged in a gated community, ritzy and luxurious. Somehow, that pissed Hyunjin off even more. He glanced at the unwanted guest sitting in the back seat through the rear-view mirror.
“Want me to drive you to the lobby, or what?”
Seungmin looked back into the mirror, peering at the reflection through his bangs. “Nah. They don’t let random cars in. Here’s just fine,” he mumbled, unbuckling the seatbelt. “Thanks, dude. Appreciate it.” 
The car door closed behind Seungmin, leaving the two of you in the car. Hyunjin sighed, feeling the nerves creeping up him again. Now that it was only the two of you, it was time for Hyunjin to confess his feelings.
Before he could, you spoke, “Seungmin’s my friend in the academy. He’s really smart,” your eyes didn’t leave the crossroad before you, watching as Seungmin walked. 
Hyunjin had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. He tapped on your thigh, trying to gain your attention. It worked as you looked at him, batting your eyelashes. “Hm?”
He licked his lower lip, mustering all the courage in him. It was now, or never. “Look, I have something to tell you.” 
“Yeah?”
You shuffled in your seat, tilting your body slightly towards his way. Now that you had your full attention on him, Hyunjin felt even more nervous. He scratched the skin around his thumb, tongue-tied as his brain tried to form coherent words. He’s never done this before, always made fun of his friends for struggling to express their feelings but now that he was in the same place, he wished he could take back all the insults. The brown eyes looking deeply (and anxiously) into yours were profusely blinking, as though he was at the brink of tears. You grew worried.
“Hyunjin, what’s up?”
He scratched at the back of his neck. Why did his tongue feel so numb? Why did his brain feel empty yet so full at the same time? His heartbeats were so fast, he couldn’t quite catch up. Hyunjin was on a rollercoaster — you were waiting at the end of the ride.
Finally, he managed to muster words. “Look, I’ve pondered over —”
Two knocks on the window at the back. They’re followed by the door opening, an exasperated Seungmin popping his head into the car. Immediately, you both looked back, utterly bewildered. 
“Sorry. I left my bag. Thank God you’re still here,” Seungmin said, grabbing his messenger bag and slipping it onto his shoulder. “Thanks and sorry!”
The door closed, thus silence blanketed the atmosphere once again. This time, with unresolved tension. You looked back at Hyunjin, tilting your head in curiosity.
“You were saying?” 
Dazed, the raven looked at you. His face was a mixture of exasperation and confusion. His head? There was a storm raging, along with curse words aimed at Seungmin. 
“Um…” He licked his lower lip, racking his brain to find back the words he wanted to say. They were all lost. He was already at the end of the rollercoaster, the bumps along the way forgotten, and the thrill subsided. All that’s left was the remnants of anxiety. He couldn’t do it anymore, not when he’s forgotten the things he wanted to say, and the moment disturbed by your dear friend Seungmin.
So, he put the gear on to drive. He shook his head and made up a white lie.
“I think I want to try a new ice cream place today.”
four.  
The taste of cookies and cream could not beat the bitterness on Hyunjin’s tongue. 
It may be because the bitterness has seeped into his head. 
“I’m going to your room,” you announced, swinging the front door of his house open. “Hi, Mrs Hwang!” you cheered, running up the stairs after. 
“I’m going to talk to my mom a little bit,” Hyunjin said, hanging both your coats on the coat hanger. 
Nothing could’ve prepared Hyunjin for what was to happen next. 
Both his parents were crowding the kitchen countertop when he walked in, skimming through a piece of paper. They were beaming, eyes crinkled as they smiled. A reminder that Hyunjin resembled both his parents. He blinked in confusion as to why his parents looked so happy. He didn’t think he'd seen them this happy before.
“What’s going on?” he questioned, peering over their figures to look at the paper. 
On the paper were words he’d only seen in his dreams. Never in a million years he would’ve thought it’d manifest to life. His heart skipped a beat as he read the words over, and over. 
“You made it, sweetheart,” his mother’s soft voice spoke, confirming his suspicion. “You got accepted. Beaux-Arts de Paris.”
“Eomma,” he mumbled, as if he was pleading. Pleading for this dream to stop. Somebody’s got to wake him up from this nightmare of a day. “There’s no way.” 
Hyunjin picked up the letter, inspecting it closer. As though if he looked any closer, the words on the pristine white paper would change. Reject him. Or maybe, the logo of the prestigious school would magically transform into a logo of a school in Seoul. Anything, anything, that would keep him here. In Seoul. With you. 
“You did it, sweetheart. Your dreams are coming true,” his mother keenly said, pulling him into a side hug. “I’m so proud of you.”
His dream? It was his dream, and, yours. No, scratch that — it wasn’t truly his dream. It was yours. His dream had always been to be wherever you are. 
He didn’t think he would be accepted. When you told him you were rejected from the Paris Ballet School, he told you that he was rejected, too. He didn’t tell you that he was waitlisted, under the impression that he was never getting out of the waitlist. What was he to tell you now? 
Hyunjin hid his sadness, wanting to make his parents proud, “Yeah. I did it. I’m so happy, eomma, appa.” 
A series of praises left his parents, and he allowed for them to engulf him in a hug. 
“Don’t tell Yn, ‘kay?” he muttered, before excusing himself to go upstairs. The acceptance letter was neatly folded, tucked into his pocket.  
When he swung his bedroom door open, you were standing in front of his full-length mirror. Clad in only his t-shirt, you inspected yourself. 
“Hey, Hwang Hyunjin,” you muttered, turning your body. “Your clothes are bigger than me now. You used to be so small.”
You looked at him, mock dismay in your face. “I was so much taller than you before. You were a dwarf.” 
How was he meant to tell you about Paris?
“I was never a dwarf. You were just too busy looking down on me.”
Giggles left both of you. Silently, he observed the way you were examining yourself. You had the mannerisms of a ballerina, each gesture as gracious as your dance. Hyunjin adored the curves of your body, but God knew he loved that of your smile even more. 
Later, you were both laying on his bed, you in a starfish position. Hyunjin was at the edge of his bed, trying his best to not fall. 
“Ballet was so hard today,” you sighed. You turned your body sideways, burying your face into Hyunjin’s chest. He could smell you in this closeness.
“Are you wearing my deodorant?” he queried, bowing to clasp his nose onto your shoulder. It felt like a kiss to him. “This is literally the smell of my deodorant.” 
You shrugged. “Yeah? What about it? You should’ve gotten used to me taking your things by now, Hwang Hyunjin. I’ve been doing this our whole lives.” 
Touché. The boy sighed, letting you fill in the silence with your babbles. Wordlessly, he listened to your words, letting it be the white noise to his thoughts. 
His head was clearly not there. Unbeknownst to him, you knew of this. He’d been off all day. You’ve picked up on each signal, knowing him like the back of your hand. As much as you wanted to know what was wrong, you knew not to pry. You resorted to comfort instead. 
Your fingertips met at the back of his neck, pulling him into a tight hug. He was never one for physical touch but sometimes, it helped. You leaned your head into his neck. 
Gingerly, you whispered the words you thought he would need. 
“You’re always here, around me. You don’t know how much that means to me.”
The exact words he did not need to hear that day.
How was he meant to tell you of his feelings now? 
Especially when he was leaving — oceans away. 
five.  
Hyunjin had always loved soccer.
Whether it be being in the bleachers, or playing in the field. He loved doing both. There was something about the thrill of watching people play, and the adrenaline as he chased around the field. 
Sitting in the bleachers, Hyunjin watched as his soccer team played. The sounds of his teammates laughing made the blazing sun a little more bearable. He lowered his cap to prevent the sunlight from getting in his eyes, chuckling when he saw Beomgyu falling face-first onto the grass.
He loved his soccer team. Every time he observed them play, Hyunjin’s heart always got overwhelmed with pride and joy. At that moment, he felt melancholy taking space too — the thought of not being able to play with them anymore hurting him more than he thought it would. 
Hyunjin allowed for the melancholy to take space, allowed himself to feel — so much so that he didn’t feel Minho’s presence. Not until the older cleared his throat. 
Minho sat beside him, “Why the long face, Hwang Hyunjin?” 
“Huh?” startled, he looked up, face softening when he saw Minho. “Oh. Nothing. You’re not playing?”
“Nah,” Minho replied curtly. He silently analyzed the younger’s facial expressions before speaking up again. “For someone who’s going to Paris in two weeks, you sure don’t look too happy.”
Of course, Minho out of all people would notice the change in his mannerisms. Always the analyzing one, quick to notice changes in demeanour. There was no point in lying, not with Minho — so he let out the sigh he didn’t realize he was holding. 
“It’s bittersweet, you know?” he mumbled, fiddling with his fingers.
“It’s Yn, isn’t it?” 
“Huh?”
“You don’t want to part ways with her. It’s what’s holding you back.” 
Right on. It was as though Minho was a mind-reader. A heavy weight pulled on Hyunjin’s heartstrings, made his heart even heavier than a few minutes prior.
“Yeah,” he didn’t lie, again. He looked at Minho, and the older could clearly see the uneasiness written all over his face. “If you were me… would you tell her about your feelings?”
“The fact that you like her?”
“Yeah.”
Minho fell silent. He pondered over the question, looking at the sight before him. The sun was setting, orange hues painting the sky. Hyunjin wondered if Paris sunsets would look the same.
“I think…” Minho turned towards the younger. He shook his head. “I wouldn’t tell her.” 
“Why?”
“Won’t benefit you, I don’t think.” Hyunjin raised an eyebrow. “Listen. If you were to tell her, and she accepted, do you think you could get into a relationship with her?”
“I mean —”
Minho cut him, “Realistically, do you think the relationship would succeed? I mean, the time zone between Seoul and Paris is pretty big. The distance, too. I don’t think it would work out. And that’ll be bad, you know? You’ll both be left wondering what could have been.”
The truth hurt. The distance, the time — none of them were on Hyunjin’s side. 
“And, if, God forbid, if she were to reject you… do you really want your last memory with her to be the hurt you’ll feel?”
Hyunjin shook his head. The other sighed, and patted him on the back. 
“There are things better left unsaid. You should take her out. Spend your last time with her nicely.”
Despite Hyunjin’s stubbornness, he took Minho’s advice. It took him a lot of contemplating (and crying), but he followed it anyway. Whether he liked it or not, Minho’s advice had a lot of truth in it. 
Bitter truths, but true regardless.
six.
“Where are we going?” you whined, trailing behind your dear friend. The sun was setting in two hours, orange hues were beginning to paint the sky. “Hyunnie, if you don’t tell me where we’re —”
“Please, stay patient. Will you?”
Hyunjin looked behind. He was wearing a blue knitted vest. In one hand, he held a picnic basket. The other, is your handbag. You never have to carry your own with him.
“But we’re literally in the middle of nowhere!” 
“Please just trust me,” he pleaded. One hand was stretched towards you, a silent offer to hold his. “Come. If you’re too tired, I’ll give you a piggyback ride.”
Ever the opportunist, you took up on the offer. Alas, Hyunjin was left walking the remaining distance, you happily singing road trip songs while clinging onto his back. To butter him up, you told him that he must’ve been a blessing sent to you by God. Although he groaned at the remark, you couldn’t see the small smile on his face.
After a few minutes, you understood why Hyunjin was adamant about going out that day. Before you, green plains stretched as far as your eyes could see. Scattered across viridian shades were wildflowers. Some yellow, some pink. 
Hyunjin had brought you to a flower field.
The picnic basket, and the Polaroid camera finally made sense. 
Without any more words, you jumped off his back and ran into the field. The yellow sundress you wore matched that of the wildflowers. In Hyunjin’s eyes, you blended right in. 
You were as pretty as the flowers. 
“Careful, Yn! Don’t fall!” He called out, his voice echoing in the space. He watched you from afar. There was an urge to run among the flowers too, but he was much more content with watching you. 
From a distance, in silence, he observed your every move. He couldn’t help the giggles that left his lips. The smile that lingered on his lips. He wanted this memory to last, to be ingrained in his brain forever. Soon, he wouldn’t be able to witness your happiness. 
“Hyunnie, you need to come here! It’s so nice!”
Chuckling, he carefully placed the picnic basket on the ground. Hyunjin was done with setting up the picnic spot. He ran towards you, lifted you off the ground and twirled you around. You broke out into giggles and held onto his arms. 
Among the flowers, two silhouettes danced with each other. Swaying to the same melody as the peonies. Despite being a ballerina, you kept stumbling onto Hyunjin’s feet, giggling each time he elicited an “ow.” 
Like a scene from a movie.
Like he wasn’t going away soon.
Before the sun could set, Hyunjin convinced you to sit on the picnic blanket. He wished to dance with you longer, but alas, time awaits for no mortal. 
“How do you want me to pose?” you asked. You were facing him, legs tucked sideways.
Hyunjin scooted closer to you, and wiped breadcrumbs off your lips. He commented on you eating messily. “You can pose however you want.”
You nodded, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear. “Okay. Make sure you get my good angles, yeah?”
“You look good from any angle.” 
Crimson crept up your face. You hadn’t expected that remark. You hoped he wouldn’t see you blush, you would just tell him it’s the sun then. 
“Okay…”
Two clicks, then a flash went off. Your eyes widened, caught off-guard.
“You didn’t even count to three!” 
Your whines were responded to with a giggle. The camera whirled, apprising you of a Polaroid developing. Hyunjin took it, fanning the Polaroid with a grin. He was excited to see it.
“I wasn’t ready!”
“Candid photos are better,” he sighed. “Don’t you know? Everything’s prettier when it’s genuine.”
“So you’re calling me pretty?”
“Yeah,” he mumbled. “Have I ever said you’re ugly?”
Right. He has never. 
You prayed to God the heat on your face was from the sun and not from blushing.
Once the Polaroid fully developed, Hyunjin made sure he was the first to see it. To your dismay, he held it close to his face, shielding it from you. His cheeks dimpled, illustrating his happiness. You looked so pretty, the sunlight on your face giving you an angelic glow. If he looked closer, he was sure he’d see a halo. 
Hyunjin wanted to keep this forever. 
If he couldn’t freeze the time, he figured he’d trap the memories in photographs.
“Let me see!” you whined. “It’s a picture of me! I have the right to see it.”
Scampering towards him, you waved your hands, trying to get the photograph off his hand. To no avail, Hyunjin had quick reflexes much thanks to his soccer experience. 
“No! You can’t — it’s for my eyes only!”
“Ridiculous! That’s my face, Hyunnie!”
“It’s my camera film. So it’s mine!”
Neither one of you would let up, legs entangling against each other as you fought over the photograph. He was determined to not let you even see the picture. One of your palms pressed against the picnic blanket, the other reaching up towards his hand. Hyunjin used his free hand to push you gently but alas, he underestimated his own strength. In one swift move, you lost your balance, toppling over him. 
“Ow,” he fell back and winced in pain. He looked up, and all the back pain was suddenly replaced by shyness. There you were, on his lap — face just as flushed as his. 
Hyunjin didn’t know what to do now. 
Pathetically, he just stared into your eyes, finding himself getting caught in them. He could feel your hitched breaths against his chest, he was very aware of your trembling fingers on his arms. There was a strong urge to kiss you as his eyes fell onto your lips. He wondered how they’d feel on his lips. He imagined it in his head — missing the way your eyes stared at his lips too. 
If you were a flower, Hyunjin would be a bee. He desired you, eyes tracing the shape of your lips. Over, and over. If he kissed you, would your lips taste like honey? 
He ought to find out. Hesitantly, he inched his head closer to yours. The warmth of your breath against his skin marked the closeness between you.
Numerous scenarios flashed in Hyunjin’s mind. Of him kissing you senseless, then whispering a love confession in your ear. Of your cold fingers pressing into his skin as he tells you each perk of yours that he loved endlessly. The more he imagined, the closer he was. You shut your eyes, waiting for his lips to finally press onto yours. 
Paris. The one-way plane ticket to Paris.
Against his heart’s desire, his fingers cupped your chin instead. Subtly, he pulled back, eyes trailing back up to your eyes. He ignored the look of confusion in your eyes.
Reaching down, he pocketed the photograph. His heart clenched as he spoke, but he did anyway. 
“I win.”
The two words pulled you from your trance — they tore off your heart like paper. You blinked, watching the playful smirk that graced Hyunjin’s porcelain face. 
“Oh.”
The whole journey home, bitterness sat on Hyunjin’s tongue like the aftertaste of tangerine pulp. Did you want the kiss too, or had his libido fabricated things? 
Nevertheless, he couldn’t kiss you. Not when he had suitcases packed for Beaux-Art de Paris. Not when it’s all his parents could talk about. 
Minho’s words played in Hyunjin’s mind like a broken record. They served as a reminder of what could not be. For the sake of his heart, he told himself that it had all been a figment of his imagination.
Tension cloaked the front door of your house. Neither of you made a noise, save for the jingling keys in your carabiner. You observed Hyunjin, who was busy looking at his shoes. Once again, his mind wasn’t in his head. It had been that way for a few weeks. 
“See you soon?” you mumbled. 
Hyunjin looked up, nodding at your words. He pulled you into a hug, one that almost crushed your bones. Shakingly, he nuzzled his head into your neck, burying his face into the skin like you would dissolve if he didn't. It must’ve hurt his back but you made no comment, instead you wrapped your arms around his neck, in hopes it'll give him solace. By the front door you held him, so tight that it was as though the two of you were one, the curves of his fingers burning through your skin.
You didn’t know that it was a goodbye. It had to stay that way. 
Once more, his heart clenched in his chest. Two hands cupped your cheeks, as gentle as he could be, like you would break. He engraved this version of you into his memory — kind eyes boring into his with a soft smile plastered across the face he'd grown to adore. He vowed to always remember this face. 
Deeply, he inhaled his breath. Preparing the next words — lies to say to you, no matter how tight his chest felt.
“Yeah, see you soon.”
The last words Hwang Hyunjin muttered to you. 
seven.  
One day before your birthday. 
It had been two days since Hyunjin brought you to the meadow. You hadn’t seen him much, just glimpses of him as he played around with Kkami in his backyard. You figured that he was busy.
“Hello, I’m home!” you said in a sing-song voice as you stepped into the Hwang household. Kkami who’d usually greet you wasn’t in his usual spot, so you trudged straight to the kitchen, where Hyunjin’s mother was sitting. “Hi, Mrs Hwang.” 
She looked up, lips twitching into a smile, a cookie-cutter of Hyunjin’s. Under the kitchen light, you don’t miss the dried tears by her eyes. You pursed your lips, wondering if she was watching a sad drama. Hyunjin inherited his trait of easily crying from his mother, after all. 
“Hi, sweet girl,” she looked at your outfit from head to toe. “Why are you all dressed up?”
“Oh,” you muttered, giving her a little twirl. “My birthday outfit! Is it pretty?”
“Of course.”
You smiled at her, fiddling with the hem of your blouse. Keenly, you looked around the kitchen for any traces of Hyunjin. You realized that the house seemed much quieter than usual, emptier than normal. 
“Where’s Hyunjin?” you asked. The reason why you’d come over was to show your best friend your birthday outfit. Now that you were there, he was nowhere to be seen. “Is he home?”
Sympathy materialized in the mother’s old eyes. She tilted her head at you, lips pursing as she thought of the correct words to say. 
“My girl, did he not tell you?”
Confusion would be an understatement. Hyunjin told you everything, everything — from pointless thoughts to his deepest, darkest secrets. You were his secret keeper, his companion — there was nothing he wouldn’t tell you.
Was there? 
It had to be something unimportant, right? Perhaps he was off to an art workshop and forgot to tell you. But looking at his mother, it felt like something big. You grew anxious under her sympathetic gaze. 
“Tell me what?” you questioned, letting out a nervous chuckle.
“We just came back from Incheon Airport. He’s on a plane to Paris,” the lady replied. She stood up, inching closer towards your trembling figure. “Did he not tell you, Yn? I thought he did.”
“Paris?” you asked, blinking. “Like. For a vacation?”
“No, sweetheart. Beaux-Arts de Paris. He got into the school.”
The words felt like bullets on skin, penetrating and chagrining you deeply. It felt unreal — a hoax.
You scoffed, “What? He wouldn’t go without telling me.” Your eyes searched for humour in his mother’s eyes. “Is this like, a birthday prank?”
Her eyes saddened even more. “No, sweetheart. He really went.”
Another betrayal came in the form of tears cascading down your eyes without warning. The emotions hit you faster than your brain could process things. Speechless, you took steps back from his mother, before running up the staircase to his room. 
He had to be there. Sitting in his swivel chair and laughing at your face. He’ll tell you it was a prank and wipe away your tears. 
Hyunjin was your best friend of a lifetime. He wouldn’t do this to you. He had to be there.
When the door to his room swung open, a sob was knocked out of your mouth. 
All traces of life in the bedroom were gone, save for the soft purrs of Kkami sleeping on the bed. The bed was stripped of its bedsheets, and the towels hanging behind the door were gone. The laundry bag was empty. 
All traces of Hyunjin were gone. 
The realization hit harder than his mother’s words. If the words hurt like bullets on skin, the sight of Hyunjin’s lifeless room felt like a knife twisted in your gut. It felt like sanguine dripping from wounds, and Hyunjin’s holding the knife. It felt like a betrayal. 
“Hyunjin,” his name slipped from your lips like a plea. “Hyunjin.” 
More choked sobs escaped your windpipes as you searched around the room. First, it was his wardrobe. The oak material was practically empty, all that remained were a couple of sleep tees and the shirts you’ve left over the years. You rummaged through the hangers, finding that he had brought one of your sweatshirts along. 
The confirmation of his departure was the emptiness of his study table. Each nook and cranny of his table used to feel like Hyunjin, from the stacks of sketchbooks to eraser dust. Everything was Hyunjin — but at that moment, there was nothing. There was only a void — that of his desk and your heart. 
Your best friend was truly gone. 
“Hyunjin,” the name wrestled its way past your lips again. This time, it was out of longing. “Hyunjin.” 
The manner in which you walked to his bed echoed your feelings. Quivering, like a toddler’s first time walking. Your body fell onto the bed, earning a soft whine from Kkami. Gently, you held Kkami in your arms, letting a stream of tears cascade down your cheeks. For the first time in a while, you allowed yourself to cry, to feel, to mourn. 
If someone were to tell you that Hyunjin out of all people would make you cry that much, you would’ve laughed. Never in a million years, you’d say. The only times he had made you cry were from laughter. 
“Kkami,” you cried. The chihuahua nuzzled its head into your arms, as though it could feel your sorrow. Perhaps it could. “I miss Hyunjin.”
The dog whined. It looked up to you, placing its paw onto your arm. You cried even more. 
“I wanted to tell him about how I feel today,” through sobs, you managed to speak. “How could he make me feel so many things in one day and disappear the other? He didn't even say goodbye.”
It felt like the chihuahua was mourning with you — the way it nudged its head onto your arm, letting out soft whimpers. As though it was telling you that things will be okay. 
You weren’t sure that it would. You spent your whole life with Hyunjin by your side, you had never known life without him. Now that he was ripped from your grasp, you didn’t know how to go on. No — he voluntarily released himself from your grasp, without warning. It was worse. 
Physical traces of Hyunjin in his room were gone. There was only his scent — the smell of his shampoo, and his cologne. It lingered in the room, mocking you.
In your melancholic state of mind, you could only weep.
eight. 
“Coffee, or tea?”
A female voice broke Hyunjin from his trance. He looked up at the stewardess standing by his seat, the sweatshirt doused in your scent crumpling in his tight grip. 
“I want to get off this plane,” sat on his tongue and dissolved. He took a deep breath. 
“Um,” he looked at the cart, “Plain water, please?”
Coffee would only force Hyunjin to stay awake, forcing him to listen to his own brain’s torments for 14 hours straight. Tea reminded him too much of you, of the times when you were little and would make him play tea party with you. He’ll think about the times you’d cheekily kiss his cheek, an attempt to woo him into playing with you. It worked each time. 
The stewardess nodded, handing him a water bottle branded with the aeroplane’s logo. He muttered a thank you, yet the stewardess still didn’t walk away. She looked nice, her eyes analyzing Hyunjin told him that he must’ve looked like the epitome of a wreck.  
“First time flying?” she questioned. It wasn’t his first time, having gone on many vacations before yet he nodded. “I see. It’ll be fine, just sit back and relax.”
The woman, whose name tag said Chaewon flashed Hyunjin a hospitality smile — one he didn’t think he deserved — then walked away. Hyunjin pursed his lips, wishing that she hadn’t walked away. He didn’t want to be left alone with his thoughts, he didn’t want to be awake, he didn’t want to be in this plane — there were a lot of things he didn’t want to do, but had to do. 
Hyunjin wanted to turn back.
Silently, he looked out the window, watching as the landscapes of Seoul grew smaller, slowly becoming covered with clouds. He desperately wished to get out, praying to God that the plane would miraculously turn back and the tableau of Seoul would become bigger. Had he told the stewardess named Chaewon he wanted to get off, would they have let him? Had he told his parents he didn’t want to go to Paris, would they have understood?
If he tells you he’s sorry, would you forgive him? 
Regrets and memories clouded his mind, tears making their way down his cheeks. Each thought strangled his heart, and he could feel it physically aching. In a melancholic state of mind he sat, clinging onto your sweatshirt like it was his lifeline, allowing slumber to slowly take over. 
The break from his own thoughts did not last long enough.
Seven hours later, Hyunjin woke up to dried tears on his cheeks. He straightened his posture and glanced at the window, feeling a wave of emotions at the change of landscapes. Hyunjin wasn’t sure in which city they were flying over, but he could say with certainty that it did not look like Seoul. It did not feel like home, it did not feel like you. 
Unable to fall back to sleep, he couldn’t help the thoughts that poisoned his mind. Looking over the landscapes, he came to a realization much too painful for his heart to bear. 
You and him — you were the Sun, and he was the Moon. Two people of different circumstances, who’ll never meet, ripped away from the merciless hands of time. For your timezones were different — horizons even more. 
As a wave of new tears descended, Hyunjin wondered if he would ever forget about you.
The answer came to him one afternoon three years later, as he laid on the couch in his Parisian apartment. 
No, he’d never forget about you. At least not in three years. Maybe not even in five. 
Sunlight seeped in through the balcony, providing Hyunjin the warmth he wasn’t able to receive from a person. His roommate was a French guy who was always out and about, leaving Hyunjin to soak in his own company for hours on end. Sometimes, for days. Hyunjin loved and hated it at the same time. 
His limbs stretched across the burgundy couch, a yawn eliciting past his lips. Brown eyes stared at the canvas in front of him, black and white hues scattered on white, forming a half-finished painting of you. 
Years later, and you remained at the back of his mind — his muse.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
nine.  
There are five stages of grief. 
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, then acceptance. Denial was the hardest for you, having spent your entire birthday staring at the front door of your house, praying Hyunjin would walk in. When your friends sang you a Happy Birthday, it sounded like a morose ballad playing from a broken record. Without Hyunjin, gloom sat at the centre of even the happiest things. 
Then came a sixth stage — one that seemed to exist for you.
Motivation.
After coming to acceptance that your best friend had gone, without any farewell, you spent many hours a day in the ballet studio. Pirouette, arabesque, plié — you managed to polish each move with the amount of time you spent cooped up in the studio. You weren’t born with ballet feet, but the times spent in pointe shoes had somehow moulded you into having them. 
Perhaps, it was distraction, disguised as motivation.
Nevertheless, the tireless hours of practice granted you a position in the Paris Ballet School.
Paris felt bittersweet when you first landed. It was the city of your dreams, but the reminiscence of the person it took from you made you loathe it. 
Withal, life had to go on. To cope with the Parisian lifestyle, you managed to get a job at a cafe near your academy — Desir Cafe. You worked night shifts as a kitchen crew but if traffic was overwhelming in the afternoons, your shitty excuse of a boss would make you come in anyway.
Unfortunately for you, it was one of those days. Clinks and sizzles reverberated in the kitchen, the peg board overwhelmed with sticky notes of orders. You were everywhere in the kitchen, from piping icing on cupcakes to sprinkling chocolate rice on pastries. 
“Yn,” the main baker yelled, “Tell Double C’s we can’t stock up on macarons! We’re out of almond flour!” 
The Double C’s — Charlotte, and Colette. They were a duo who worked as waitresses, always gossiping. Birds of the same feather, attached by the hip. 
Exasperated, you headed to the front, swinging the kitchen door open to see the duo gossiping. Charlotte was leaning in towards Colette, whispering into her ear, earning giggles from the other. You sighed, wondering what the topic was that afternoon. Curious as to who they were gossiping about, you looked towards the direction they were looking. 
Seated alone at the corner of the cafe was a guy, blonde hair gleaming golden from the sunlight seeping through the big window. His utmost focus was on the sketchbook in front of him, frail fingers dancing across paper, entrancing any eyes which fell upon him. You couldn’t help but stare, your face gradually contorting into disbelief.
He resembled too much like Hyunjin — your Hyunjin. 
Your gaze lingered on the man, analyzing each crease of his face, matching it with the one you had in mind. He looked just like Hyunjin, from the shape of his nose to the mole under his eye. The only difference was the hair. Hyunjin’s hair was raven black, but the person in the cafe had golden blonde hair. You felt your throat tighten. If the man sitting at the corner was him, then time had done good on him. He was beautiful, face sculptured beautifully by time’s gentle hands.
“Ooh, look who’s ogling!” a high-pitched voice interrupted you. You looked up to see the Double C’s looking at you, wiggling their eyebrows mischievously. Charlotte smirked, “Think the guy’s cute?”
“Huh? What guy?” you lied, feeling your cheeks heat up. 
Colette rolled her eyes. “The dude over there! Don’t lie, you think he’s cute.” The brunette wiggled her eyebrows even more, subtly pointing at the man. 
You didn’t say anything else, but your eyes travelled back to the familiar silhouette. The sense of familiarity tugged on fragile heartstrings the more you looked at him. Colette could sense your curiosity, so she parted her lips to speak.
“That’s Hyunjin. He’s a student in Beaux-Arts de Paris,” she muttered, unbeknownst to her the mixed emotions that dawned upon you. “He comes here almost every afternoon. Maybe that’s why you’ve never seen him before. He’s cute, isn’t he?”
Excitedly, Charlotte nodded her head. “A total heart-throb, honestly.”
“I mean…” your voice trailed, “He’s quite alright.”
How were you supposed to react to finally seeing the one who got away? Were you supposed to feel excited, or upset? It was like the moon had suddenly dropped down onto your lap. 
You were confused.
Charlotte continued speaking, not realizing the mixture of emotions in your face. “Sometimes, the students have exhibitions about ten minutes from here. His artworks always make it to the exhibitions. I’ve seen them, and they’re really beautiful.”
You turned towards her, “Exhibitions?”
She nodded, still naive as to your shift in behaviour. “I think the school has an exhibition every three months or so.”
Unfaltering, your eyes bored holes in Hyunjin’s back. He was in his own little world, evidently absorbed in whatever piece he was working on. Just like that, the memories you spent years suppressing came rushing back. 
It was unfair, the impact he had on you. There he was, lounging in a corner while your heart grappled in your chest. He looked older, better — and you were still the little girl in the tree house. Swaying your feet as they dangled, as though you had all the time in the world.
Charlotte and Colette exchanged looks as you stared at him. To them, you were simply developing a crush on a stranger. They wouldn’t understand the conflict brewing in you, they wouldn’t be able to comprehend the ache that stirred in the depths of your heart.
“What? You’re interested in him?” Charlotte spoke, breaking you off your trance. You looked at her, blinking. “Don’t even try. I’ve tried. I think he’s gay.”
Your eyebrows furrowed. “What?”
“He’s not gay — oh my god, Lottie!” it was Colette’s turn to speak. Playfully, she smacked the other’s arm. “I asked that guy he’s always with, the songwriter — Felix. Cute guy, that one. Felix told me that he’s got a secret lover or something.”
“Secret lover?”
“Yeah. Apparently, he likes to draw this one girl. His sketchbook’s filled with her,” Colette murmured, glancing at Hyunjin. “Felix asked her who she was, and he said it’s a girl of his dreams.”
Your heart dropped. You weren’t sure to which news you should react first, either Charlotte hitting up on your Hyunjin, or that he has a secret lover. Either way, it made you pathetically jealous. Your heartstrings thrummed in anger as you imagined a beautiful French girl spread out on his bed, and Charlotte hitting up on your Hyunjin.
How could he go on with his life when you spent years mourning him?
Crimson tainted your lip as you bit on it hard, the taste of metal at the tip of your tongue. 
Perhaps, you never made it past the anger stage of your grief.
ten.
You truly tried to be happy for Hyunjin.
For days, weeks — you spent convincing yourself that you had to be happy for him. Sure, he hurt you three years ago. Sure, you spent years in agony, regretting not telling him how you felt earlier, wondering what could’ve been. Sure, you hoped that you’d see him in Paris and he’d tell you that he’s in love with you and kiss you senseless — but those were just desperate prayers, weren’t they? Those were simply hopeful scenarios. You hadn’t expected them to come true, had you?
Hyunjin was your best friend of years. He deserved happiness, even when you didn’t feel happy. You had to let things go. You had to be happy for him.
Clearly, you failed at convincing yourself.
In front of a building you stood, the sound of people walking past becoming white noise. You stared at the banner standing in front of you, the words Autumn Exhibition displayed, with the logo of Beaux-Arts de Paris at the top. You swallowed the lump forming in your throat.
A week ago, Charlotte told you that the university would be holding another exhibition, and Hyunjin’s artworks most likely made it into the exhibition. You knew then, that you had to go. If you didn’t get to see him, then you at least wanted to see his pieces. To not be a part of his life was devastating, you wished to at least witness glimpses of it. 
9:45 p.m. was displayed on your screen, people were beginning to leave the exhibition. There weren’t many people around, which was what you were hoping for. Visiting the exhibition in daylight meant potentially bumping into Hyunjin, and you weren’t sure if you were ready for that.
One day you ought to meet him, but not today. Not when the fragments of your heart have yet to be mended.
After taking a deep breath, you willed yourself to step into the exhibition. A gust of wind hit your face, and you shivered, clutching your coat tight. The art display seemed to be painting-themed, the way frames of canvases were scattered around the building. Baroque paintings were displayed all over, each piece as beautiful as skies at dusk.
The tapping of your heels against the ceramic tiles sounded as you walked, the romantic lighting of the room providing you with a sense of comfort. Wildly, your eyes observed each piece, letting your heart be swayed by the beauty. 
They were all beautiful — but they didn’t feel like Hyunjin. 
Until your eyes trailed to a certain piece.
It was the centrepiece, the piece — little bulbs of lights were installed above the frame, making the piece feel alive. The moment your gaze fell on the artwork, you couldn’t help but feel drawn in, taking hurried steps towards it. You stared, unable to take your eyes off the hues on the canvas.
There weren’t many hues, just black and white. It depicted two figures on swings. You couldn’t see the figures clearly but you could tell they looked happy. You could see through the strokes of paint that they were happy — though the artist not so. There was a certain sadness in the painting, one that screamed nostalgia. 
The longer you looked at the piece, the more you realized. 
It was a fragment of your memory. 
Your breath hitched. In came a memory of you and Hyunjin — running around the park before playing on swings. It was a particularly memorable day, you could recall falling off the swing and Hyunjin kneeling in front of you, kissing the bruises on your knees with the tenderness of a feather. It was the first time you felt so protected, and so loved. 
A rush of emotions overcame you, you wondered if that was how Hyunjin felt when he painted it. Had he thought of you, and wept by his easel? Had he stained his cheeks with charcoal as he wiped stray tears off his face? 
You wondered, so much so that you failed to realize a silhouette entering the display. 
Hyunjin didn’t enjoy art exhibitions in daylight. They felt pompous. The people who visited the exhibitions would usually walk around casually, and took photos. They didn’t harbour any sort of deep appreciation towards art, they didn’t sit and admire.
Therefore, Hyunjin loved revisiting exhibitions in the comfort of twilight. When the expositions were empty, he enjoyed revisiting them, taking his sweet time to admire each piece. 
When he spotted a figure standing before his piece — his most vulnerable piece, he felt his heart drop. He watched from afar as this person observed the artwork, body as still as a mannequin. He had never witnessed someone admire a piece this intensely, especially with it being one of his pieces. He felt flattered, his heart swelling in pride and joy. 
Silently, Hyunjin approached the figure. Usually, he was shy, not the type to approach people first but somehow, he felt the strong urge to this time. Fate was pulling him by his heartstrings.
“That’s my painting,” Hyunjin spoke, ensuring his voice was as soft as possible. 
The sudden voice startled you. You whipped your head towards the source of the noise, eyes widened in shock. They widened even more at the sight before you. 
Hyunjin’s breath hitched. His heartbeats escalated, taking in the figure standing in front of him. His fingers dug into the skin of his thumb, lips quivering. Brown doe eyes mirrored yours.
“Wh — what?” he spoke again, breathless. “Yn?”
A few steps were taken, inching closer towards you. His eyes scanned your face, lips quivering even more when he realized that it was you — you were real, and you were standing in front of him. You looked the same as you did three years ago, except more beautiful. How’d you get more beautiful? The passage of time had seemingly been good to you, the way it had carved your face into one Hyunjin could imagine himself filling his canvases with.
“Hyunjin,” you willed yourself to speak. You ignored the way your eyes watered. “It’s you.”
“It’s you, too. You’re here.”
Another few, brave steps were taken. You, on the other hand, didn’t move an inch. 
“I hate you,” the words spilt past sanguine mouth before you could stop them, its venom contrasting the hushed tone of your voice. They crushed Hyunjin’s heart, though he knew he deserved them. “But I missed you.”
“I’m sorry,” was all that he could say. Hyunjin meant it. He really was sorry. He was sorry as he sent you back from the meadow, too cowardly to bid you goodbye. He was sorry when he packed his bags, stealing one of your sweatshirts for solace. He was sorry when he was on the plane, wishing he could turn back time. He was sorry when he painted numerous portraits of you. He was sorry as he stood before you, watching tears flow down your cheeks because it was the least he could do — a form of punishment for what he had done to you.
You shook your head, palms rushing towards your face to wipe away tears. 
“It’s not enough, I know,” he mumbled, moving closer towards you to wipe your tears, like it was instinct, feeling his heart clench when you took steps back. “But I truly am sorry.”
“You didn’t even say goodbye,” you sobbed, vision blurry. “You didn’t even contact me.”
“I know, Yn, I know — I’m sorry. I wanted to call you, but I couldn’t,” he rambled, cupping your cheeks and rubbing on the skin. You allowed him to. “I swear, I wanted to write to you, but I was too embarrassed, and by the time I had enough courage it was already too late.”
Sobs wrestled their way past your lips, barely able to form coherent words. You kept shaking your head, blurting out the words you’ve kept for years.
“You just left me, Hyunjin — you left me. A day before my birthday,” your whimpers got louder, “I wanted to tell you I’m in love with you, on my birthday. Hell, three years later and I’m still in love with you.”
Hyunjin’s face paled. He had expected curses, and cries — but he hadn’t expected that. Anything, but that. His limbs moved before his brain could process things, lifting your chin to meet eyes. Your eyes were tinted with tears, but you were still beautiful. You’re always beautiful.
“What?” he squeezed your cheeks, “Yn, what?”
“You heard me. I’m not saying it again. It's fucking pathetic.”
“Fuck,” he exhaled. Hyunjin knew he was supposed to feel remorse, but God — his heart bloomed at the words you had whispered to him. You’re in love with him. You’re in love with him, the same way he was in love with you. “Fuck, Yn. You can't just say shit like that.”
Feather-like touches grazed your lips. There was a certain look in Hyunjin's eyes, one that you couldn't quite figure out — they were a look of longing. How could you know it was longing when you had never bear witness to them? You could feel his breath against your face, warm like his fingertips.
“You have no fucking idea how long I've been in love with you. You have no idea how much I missed you. Fuck, I think about you every fucking day,” he whispered, “You have no idea how much I regret getting on that plane.”
At that moment, all you could feel was Hyunjin. His deep, brown eyes staring into yours and his thumb pressing onto your lip.
“Kiss me,” you whispered back, “Kiss me, Hwang Hyunjin.”
And kiss you, he did. His lips crashed against yours with fervour, moving his lips to the same beat as his racing heart. You kissed back in the same manner, letting out the emotions you had bottled up. 
I love you, I love you — each movement of his lips was a love confession, etching his adoration onto the curves of your lips. You caressed his cheeks akin to holding stars in your palms — careful, precious.
Finally, you pulled apart to catch your breaths, bodies heaving against each other. 
“Please, give me a second chance.”
It’s odd the way human minds work, because at that very moment, you were reminded of Colette's words. Ones that mentioned a rumoured secret lover.
“But,” you felt silly for saying it, “Your secret lover?”
“My secret lover?” the boy's eyebrows furrowed. He then chuckled upon realization. The rumour must've spread to you. “Ah, that secret lover. It's you, idiot.” 
He smiled. You didn’t think anyone could look as beautiful as he did.
“It's always been you.”
eleven.  
“Careful — come on, get under here.”
Giggles echoed in the alleyways as two shadows lingered in the darkness of midnight. It was raining, the pavements darkening with wetness and the wind howling a sweet melody. At that particular hour, under the moonlight, Paris looked like the city of love. 
You rushed out of the exposition hall, getting under Hyunjin’s leather jacket. He’d promised you the date of your lifetime that night, and he wasn’t one to break his promises. 
Hyunjin’s back was damp from the rain, but it didn’t matter as long as not a droplet landed on your body. It only took a few minutes (and a lot of giggles in between) to reach Hyunjin’s so-called secret spot. 
Streetlights shone on a bench, and clusters of flowers surrounded a little pond. The spot overlooked the city, you could see the city lights from all the way up here. You gasped in awe, it’s no wonder Hyunjin insisted on coming here.
“So beautiful,” you whispered. Hyunjin smiled softly, moving closer towards you on the bench and wrapped an arm around your waist.
While fondly looking at your visage, he muttered. “Yeah, it’s pretty.”
“How’d you find this place?”
“I found it while I was walking one night,” he explained, resting his head on yours. You could smell his shampoo in this closeness. “I was sad. This garden reminded me of the one we used to go to when we were kids.”
Your heart swelled at the confession. 
“It does resemble that one a lot.”
The skies were still drizzling rain, but you were both a little sheltered much thanks to the oak tree above you. Only droplets dripped, falling onto your head but it was a nice sensation. Besides, you couldn’t feel the cold when you’re nuzzled in Hyunjin’s arm, blanketed in his familiar warmth. You allowed silence to third-wheel you, eyes busied with observing the sight. Silence was always comfortable with Hyunjin. The time spent apart hadn’t changed that. 
He wouldn’t leave you alone, his skin constantly touching yours. It burned against you. You didn’t mind it. Instead, you basked in his love, listening to the sounds of his heartbeats as your head rested on his chest. He intertwined your fingers together, his thumb rubbing against yours. He wouldn’t let go of you, not even when he bent down to pluck a flower, slipping the daffodil onto your ear. 
“I missed you,” he murmured. You weren’t sure how much he’d repeated that phrase but you liked it. “I truly did.”
For the thousandth time that night, you responded. “I missed you too.”
The conversation changed into one about your lives, catching up on each other’s shenanigans. It was comfortable, being with Hyunjin. Topics changed seamlessly. You didn’t have to put much effort into talking to him, you just had to be there.
Softly, his hands moved towards your feet, taking off one of your shoes. He held onto your ankle, tracing his pointer across your sole. You giggled, the feather-like touches tickled. 
“You still have the feet of a ballerina.”
“Of course, silly,” you scoffed, “I am one after all.”
“I’m so glad that your dreams came true,” he whispered, putting your leg down. He cupped your cheek, showcasing a fond smile that stretched to his ears. “I’m really happy that you’re here.”
“Of course,” you repeated. “You told me you’d be wherever I am. It’s only fair I returned the favour.”
The words knocked out Hyunjin’s breath, and it filled his soul with so much adoration, he felt like he could burst. A pleading expression was written all over his porcelain visage, the way in which he squeezed your hand expressing his feelings even more.
“Please,” he pleaded. “I need to be yours.”
You kissed him, for the second time that night.
“I’m already yours, Hyunnie.”
twelve.  
Things with Hyunjin had been going exceptionally well. 
After the fated night, you carried on with so much happiness that you practically beamed everywhere you went. One time when you clocked into work, the Double C’s made kissy noises at you, and Charlotte had whispered, “You must’ve had crazy good sex last night.”
You couldn’t deny it, of course.
Date nights with Hyunjin happened thrice a week, with coffee runs in between classes. The Paris Ballet School and Beaux-Arts de Paris weren’t that far from each other, allowing you to sneak lunches together almost daily. Though you had to admit that even if the universities were far, Hyunjin definitely wouldn’t mind spending extra time just to see you. Sometimes, he’d watch you dance, and sometimes, you’d watch him paint. 
It was like you were both making up for the lack of each other the past three years.
After just two weeks of your relationship, you were acquainted with the comfort of Hyunjin’s home. His roommate was barely home, so you felt comfortable with coming over often. Most weekends, you’d spend the night over. 
Morning birds chirped a jolly ballad, waking you from your slumber. You stretched, feeling the heat of Hyunjin’s skin against yours. You couldn’t help the smile that grazed your face when you looked at him, fast asleep under the duvets beside you. Sleepily, you pressed a kiss onto his bare shoulder, then traced the memories of last night, tattooed on his skin in the form of bruises. It pulled a whine from him, moving under the duvet to press himself impossibly closer towards you.
“Flower,” he mumbled, morning voice husky, “I'm cold.”
“Then come cuddle.”
He did as told, wrapping strong arms around you. You felt his fingers ghost against your naked spine, sending heat straight to your core. You couldn't help the whimper that left you, earning a playful grin from your boyfriend. 
“It's too early to get in the mood, no? Baby?”
Flushed, you smacked his arm. “Shut up.”
Hyunjin giggled, leaning towards you to press kisses onto your face. Mornings with him were often spent like this — limbs entangled, as if you were one. 
“Need to shower, baby,” he sighed, “Have an exhibition today.”
To your dismay, he slowly pulled away from you, missing the warmth of his body. 
“You coming to the exposition?”
“Of course,” you hummed. “Go shower. Can I borrow your laptop while you're in the shower?”
“Yeah, baby. The password's your birthday.”
He got up from the bed, and you flushed as you looked at his bare body. Unluckily for you, your boyfriend quickly noticed your flushed face, taking it as an opportunity to throw a pillow at you and call you a pervert. You rolled your eyes, watching him enter the bathroom before getting up, wrapping the duvet around your naked body. 
You walked towards his study to retrieve his laptop, smiling at the artworks displayed on his peg board. One was of you — a painting of the Polaroid he took of you back in the meadow. The Polaroid itself sat at the back of his phone case. He had never taken it out since the first time he put it in back then.
Whilst humming to a melody, you kicked in the digits of your birthday. The laptop unlocked, showcasing the unclosed tabs. 
Your eyes widened at the words written on the screen.
Congratulations, you've been chosen for a student exchange programme to Rome.
Your heart skipped a beat. Repeatedly, your eyes skimmed the words on the screen. You didn't mean to pry but you scrolled through the email, feeling your heart sink upon seeing the date it was sent.
Over a week ago. 
Yet Hyunjin hadn't told you anything. 
After all these years, he was still keeping secrets from you. You couldn't handle it, and so for the sake of your heart you exited the tab, and shut down the laptop. Careful as to not make much noise, you got dressed. 
“Hyunjin,” you knocked on the bathroom door. “Need to be at the academy now. Bye.”
You needed to be away from him — you needed to clear your head.
thirteen.
You hadn't seen Hyunjin for a week.
The texts from him you didn't avoid, responding each time he sent a message. However, you'd been dodging his requests of meeting, under the guise of practice when in truth, you hadn’t gone for classes in a week. You spent your days moping in your apartment. 
Perhaps it was a little childish of you to do, but you couldn't bear the thought of going through what you did before. You'd tasted a life without Hyunjin, and you were certain you didn't want to live through it again. This was your way of mentally preparing for that life again. 
Your limbs lazily stretched across the cotton duvet as a vinyl played in the background. A melodramatic song played, matching the current tune of your heart. You weren't entirely sure what time it was, but the sound of the apartment bell ringing hinted that it was afternoon. It must be the takeout your roommate ordered.
“Reine,” a familiar voice reverberated in your apartment. “Where's Yn?”
“In her bedroom,” your roommate, Reine replied in her thick French accent. “She's been in there moping all week.”
Damn you, Reine. 
Quickly, you buried yourself in your duvet, anticipating the footsteps which approached your room. Soon, your door swung open, and you could smell the white gardenia in his cologne.
“My flower,” his voice tempted you to look, “What’s going on, sweet girl?”
It didn’t help that each syllable that slipped past his lips felt like honey.
You felt his hands pull down your duvet before you came face to face with your boyfriend. He stood before you, hair slicked back and the white blouse he wore accentuated his shoulders. In his hands was a bouquet of flowers, patches of peonies and daffodils peeking from the wrapper. 
You didn’t utter any words, simply looking at him with watery doe eyes. He didn’t miss the glint of tears, immediately setting the bouquet on your nightstand to get onto the bed. Tenderly, he pulled you onto his lap.
“You look so sad,” he mumbled, “Can my sweet girl please tell me why she’s so sad?”
Damn, him. How were you supposed to stand a chance when he was so ridiculously handsome and sweet?
Trembling, you parted your lips to speak. 
“You’re hiding things from me.”
He raised an eyebrow. “What things, baby?”
Your eyes shot daggers at him, bottom lip forming into a pout. Hyunjin had to stop himself from leaning in and biting it.
“You got offered to an exchange student programme,” you finally bit the bullet. “You’re planning on keeping it a secret and just leaving me again, aren’t you?”
Ah.
Hyunjin’s eyes softened. He sighed, caressing your cheek in his hand. He shook his head as his free hand rested on your thigh, massaging the supple skin.
“No, I’m rejecting it,” he answered. “I didn’t tell you because I thought there was no point in telling you if I didn’t even want to go.”
“What?” you responded, voice a little higher than you intended it to be. Your eyes scanned his for any lies. “Hyunjin — it’s a good opportunity.”
“What, you don’t want me here anymore?” he joked, raising an eyebrow at you. “Baby, Paris is already enough for me. I don’t really want to move again.”
You nodded at his words. A huge part of you felt relieved — and you felt awful for feeling that way. 
Love, sometimes, is about being selfish after all.
“Were you sad because you thought I was going?” your boyfriend queried, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear.
You shrugged. “A little. I was more mad that you didn’t tell me.”
“Oh,” he nodded, “I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to keep it a secret, I just didn’t mention it because it felt insignificant.”
“I want you to tell me things,” you mumbled, wrapping your arms around his neck. It left goosebumps in its wake. “I want to know these things.”
“Okay," he mumbled. Something about his compliance made you feel fonder of him. "I'll start telling you these things."
A sigh of relief left your lips. You had known Hyunjin for years, but being with him was different. A good kind of difference. It would take you a while to adjust to these changes — but it was the kind of changes you'd want to adjust to.
Hyunjin's fingers trailed to your hips, ghosting over your skin until they reached your thighs. He traced the stretch marks there, leaving goosebumps in its wake. You couldn't help the whine that left your mouth, and the heat that arose, tainting the tips of your ears in crimson. Hyunjin enjoyed this — flustering you with his ministrations. He allowed you to nuzzle your face into the crook of his neck, whimpering as he felt your lips litter kisses on his most sensitive spots.
"I love you," he confessed, like honey dripping from lips. "Promise I'll be wherever you are."
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charmercharm3r · 8 months
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okay but after reading that 9th member boxing, i need to hear more instances where the boys see her practically naked. like idk at the the gym(again), practice, around the dorm, etc. like maybe she’s getting more comfortable with showing skin but only around the boys so it still catches them off guard cause of how new it still is to all of them
a lil blurb cus I thought this was cute
Masterlist
prev: one, next: three
☆゚
You were just so tired, dehydrated, and felt sticky from sweating for the past god knows how many hours at dance practice. It was just you in the practice room for a while until Hyunjin convinced you that it was time to head home. He was surprised you were even still at the company, considering it was supposed to be a rest day for the group.
The two of you headed home together, him having to almost hold you up most of the way because it felt like your limbs were going to give out any second. “You can have the shower first, you’re kinda stinky,” he teased as he led you through the threshold.
“Gee, thanks! You’re so kind.” Hyunjin smirked at the sarcasm, nudging your shoulder before departing to his room.
Living in the dorm with him, Chan, Changbin, and Jisung was usually rather quiet when 3racha were gone. Hyunjin enjoyed his alone time, as did Jisung when he was home, though when everyone was back at the same time, there was no such thing as peace or personal space.
The only thing you were glad for was finally having your own room, how the company managed to find a 5 bedroom apartment, you had no idea, but you weren’t complaining in the slightest. Room not too small, just enough space for a bed, desk, and closet, you were comfortable.
Tossing your bag down and grabbing a clean towel, you headed to the bathroom before the rest of the members could come home.
There was a new bottle in the shower, brown and expensive looking. “Jinnie, did you get a new hair product?” You called out, picking it up to inspect.
“Yeah, I heard it was really good. Try a little if you want,” he yelled back from his room. Calling back a, "sure, thanks," you shut the door and started your shower.
There was so much on your find, you don't know how long you spent under the water. It took some time before you even undressed, looking at yourself in the mirror and examining what body part you thought might stand out for the public to talk about for the next come back. There was always something wrong, nothing you did ever felt good enough.
Sometimes your thighs were too big, sometimes your arms weren't toned enough. Oh no, you're wearing a crop top? Someone cover her up, she's seeking validation! God forbid you wear anything other than long sleeves because elbows are just too sexy. As if she doesn't get enough spotlight already being in an all male group, gotta have a part in the song a second longer than the rest because you have to be the center of attention!
Another few minutes to let the water soak down to your bones, you took your time shampooing, soaping, everything in between and taking mental notes of things you needed to improve upon. One wrong step and it's over, not just for you, but your entire group, as well. If you were to be the reason they got dragged down-
No, that's the shower thoughts talking. Probably time to get out, anyways. Changbin will have a fit if he doesn't get some warm water for himself.
So consumed in your own head, you weren't thinking when you threw on just your bra and underwear and opened the bathroom door. Dirty clothes in one hand, rubbing the towel into your hair, the trek to your bedroom through the house felt so long up until you got through the door.
The dorm was quiet, the others must still be out. Hyunjin won't show his face until dinner time, if you were fast you could grab a snack from the kitchen. Yeah, it won't take longer than a minute. Make it quick-
You padded out of your bedroom and made it a step into the living room before stopping dead in your tracks, eight pairs of eyes looking at you big with mouths dropped so wide it could catch flies.
The other members were sitting in various places surrounding the couch and coffee table. Chan scratched at his ear and darted his eyes back and forth, unsure of whether or not to look. Minho didn't seemed like he cared too much, while Jisung and Seungmin obviously raked their gaze from your head to your toes. The other four focused on different areas, but you ran away as quickly as you came with a trail of beat red embarrassment to follow.
As soon as the door slammed shut you threw your pajamas on and paced back for forth for a bit.
You should just act like nothing happened. They probably don't care. No, they definitely don't care. They're just body parts and everyone has them. But they were your body parts. For as long as you'd known them, you'd been so careful.
It's fine- they're not prudes, they're young adults that watch more porn than you ever could in your life time. They're just boys. Your boys. Your best friends. Yeah, they won't care. It's fine. You're fine. You're-
"Y/N'ie?"
A knock on your door had you stutter in your steps. When you didn't respond, the voice spoke again, "there's food here if you wanna join."
It took you another second to process what had just happened. The floor creaked on the other side and you panicked again, "Felix?"
The footsteps backtracked and stopped outside your door again, "yeah?"
"What kind of food?" He giggled lightly to himself.
"Come eat with us and you'll find out."
Slowly you came to the door, torn on hiding in your room for the next few hours or facing the eight people that caused your massive embarrassment in the first place. It felt so stupid to even feel such a way around those who you'd already been through hell and back with, the same people you've lived with and known for years and have seen you at your worst.
Felix's weight leaning against the other side of the door made him stumble forward when you finally opened it. Setting aside his momentary hiccup, he smiled and wrapped his arm around your shoulder to bring into a quick hug. You let him drape over you as you made your way back into the living room where everyone else was waiting.
Quiet as you sat down between Minho and Jeongin- Felix across the coffee table, quiet as you grabbed a pair of chopstick, quiet as you began to eat. The eight of them watched you chew, chew, swallow, not moving a muscle as though they were walking on eggshells as not to scare you off.
Now you felt stupid. This was stupid. Just body parts. They're just body parts.
"Stop staring at me, virgins. Eat before it gets cold." Minho at your side dug in first, then the rest followed suit as you all enjoyed the meal together.
You could feel Jeongin taking quick peaks at you as you ate. He jolted a little when you nudged his shoulder to get him to talk. A light blush flooded his cheeks and ears, putting another piece onto your plate as he leaned in to whisper, "you looked really pretty."
"Don't spread gossip, Yang Jeongin. Share it with the table," Jisung teased and drew the attention of the rest of the members.
"Look, he's flustered. What'd you say to Y/N'ie?" Hyunjin joined in and ruffled the younger's hair.
"Nothing! It's none of your business-"
"He called me pretty," you played along and pinched Jeongin's cheek, making him swat you and Hyunjin away with a few curses under his breath. Giggling and picking up your chopsticks again, you brought some food to your mouth, "you wanna kiss me sooo bad."
All of them spoke at once, "yes."
"Wait, what?" Quiet again. What is it with them and perfectly timed silence?
When you faced Minho, he was particularly unashamed in the way he eyed your lips as you slowly chewed your food. You looked at them around the table, "ew. Bitchless. All of you," and stole a large portion of food to take back to your room.
-
tags: @sensitiveandhungry @babebatter @changbinluvr @epiphanynaffi t@fawnpeaks @linovely @dumplinbokkieracha @finnydraws @naturules @djeniryuu @hamburgers101 @skzhomiehopper @yesv01 @hyunjinsamdl @dazzlingligth @lvrhyuka @alexis-reads-fics @linaliskz @0002linoskitten @chillichillicrabcrab23 @zerefdragn33l @straycrescent @binnies-donuts @soldierstangirl-blog @bakedlilgoonie @levanterlily @shelbyyy44 @yeetmehome @in2heartz @astroodledream @the-sweetest-rose @goblinracha @lilbugs-things @viviennenstan @staurdvst @alex--awesome--22 @imzenning @jeyelleohe @kaitchandler @iadorethemskz @skyvastbunny @mamabymychem @katsukis1wife @woozarts @noellllslut
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taetr4ck · 2 months
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RANDOM BF FELIX TEXTS !
lee felix x reader, no warnings — fluff, crack
a/n: been absorbing too much felix content lately.. what a guy (affectionate)
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⋆ taetr4ck, est may 2023. / requests open
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luvrhyune · 11 months
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-; ✧˖*°࿐ BF TEXTS . KIM SEUNGMIN .
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˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ SUMMARY ; a few texts with your boyfriend, seungmin.
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ PAIRING ; kim seungmin x gn! reader.
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— warnings ; none.
— notes ; for him, with love :).
masterlist.
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-; ✧˖*°࿐ PERMANENT TAG LIST !!
@hyunverse , @ddenoudepression , @bbujiikseu , @seungbinbin , @chansburgah , @notastraykid , @seraphicsolitude , @sunboki , @yongbokkari , @puppyluvvy , @choiwonder , @luvyngi , @alyszaen
all rights reserved © property of @luvrhyune . please do not repost, claim or translate my work on this and / or any other platforms. thank you.
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straylightdream · 1 year
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when night comes - 𝔠𝔬𝔫𝔰𝔲𝔪𝔢
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COMING SOON
A connecting series of vampire au stories with stray kids. They can be read all together or as one shots. I’m planning to write for all the boys this is just the ones I have ideas for.
All of these will be 18+ stories with sex and mentions of blood.
an: some of these ideas might change. This is just what I have writing ideas for and working on outlines for.
If you would like to be tagged please fill out this form.
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𝐬𝐞𝐨 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐛𝐢𝐧
𝔣𝔯𝔬𝔪 𝔢𝔡𝔢𝔫
↳ He desperately craved normalcy, and you made him feel human again.
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𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧
𝔪𝔢𝔡𝔦𝔠𝔦𝔫𝔢
sugar daddy au
↳ Low on cash and out of luck you find a source for easy money. Your willing to be a human blood bag if you can afford to live again.
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𝐥𝐞𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰
𝔱𝔢𝔢𝔱𝔥
enemies to lovers / stripper reader
↳ You’re in a never ending cycle with a man who likes the taste of your blood.
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𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐣𝐢𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐠
𝔦𝔣 𝔴𝔞𝔩𝔩𝔰 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔩𝔡 𝔱𝔞𝔩𝔨
Forbidden love au / runaway au
↳ he’s fallen head over heels for you when you’re father will do anything to stop you from being with him.
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𝐡𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐲𝐮𝐧𝐣𝐢𝐧
𝔧𝔲𝔰𝔱 𝔞 𝔱𝔬𝔲𝔠𝔥, 𝔧𝔲𝔰𝔱 𝔞 𝔱𝔞𝔰𝔱𝔢
↳ an accidental turning leaves Hyunjin feeling like the monster he feels he is.
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Text
[7:14 PM]
Mafia AU TW: None Y/N Pronouns: Not Specified WC: 0.6K [Other Groups Masterlist] | [Timestamp Masterlist]
In other news idk if y'all remember this but uh wip/another edition to the ever so popular chan vs han mafia timestamps HAHA
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Chan looked at you like you'd just committed a cardinal sin. His expression, though flat, was all a facade, the common mask he wore around everyone, but you knew him better than that. You'd studied Chan like anyone would study a monster because that's what he was and you knew from his eyes alone that you had made a mistake. It was the way they burrowed through you, it was the way that they seemed to read your mind, and it was the way they sealed your fate.
"No, I have no plans for a divorce, why are you asking?" He finally says as if there were no tension at all. The papers in your hands seemed to be heavier now. "What's that you got there, my dear? Bring them over here," he gestures for you to come closer with an open hand. His brow was scrunched and his lips pressed in a tight line, but every step you took to his desk was like a funeral march. You placed the papers in his hands and he read through them thoroughly, much faster than the other papers on his desk, and with much more of a discerning eye than any of his other documents at all. Then, in one fluid movement, he ripped the papers and you flinched back at the suddenness of it. Once in half, then again, and again, until they were nothing but shreds. He chucked them into the waste basket next to his desk. "You won't be needing those, my dear. Did you need to ask me anything else?"
"... no, I was just curious..." you muttered.
"What was that?" He asks you to clarify. "I'm sorry, dear, I just want to know what on earth instilled such a horrible thought into you." He said it with a smile and you felt a heavy weight on your shoulders. "Or... hm... should I be asking who put that thought into you?" He leans forward toward you and, although you were standing straight, he still seemed to be much bigger than you. You swallowed harshly. Who? You wondered how he'd react if you told him the truth that it was by his own hand that this was happening now.
"No one, Chan, no one told me anything," you tried to steel your voice, but his scoff was enough of an answer for you.
"No one? Okay, I believe you," he gives you a slight nod. You take a step away from his desk and turn around to leave. Right as you opened the door, Chan spoke up behind you again.
"Tell Han to come inside on your way out, my love. I have a lot to talk about with him." The door shut behind you and you felt like your legs were about to give in from the pressure alone.
Han, meanwhile, kicked off from his spot on the wall across from you, his face as solemn as Chan's.
"Well... I'm fucked," he walks next to you, him facing the door and your back to it. His hand raised toward the doorknob, but he had one eye on the security camera in the corner. Once it had moved away from the two of you, his hand instead wrapped around your wrist and he leaned into your ear. "Tonight, I'll come to get you, and we'll go." You nodded your head slightly and, just as fast as he'd passed you, he'd left.
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If you want to be added to either tag list or removed just send me a reply to this post, and ask, or a DM and I’ll add you as soon as possible!
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pacman-17 · 1 year
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Can I blame you for my pain?
Pairings: Lee Know x Fem!Reader
Genre: Angst
Warnings: Major character death & mentions of blood.
Word Count: 487
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They say, “Humans are social creatures.” And he often questions them. Why?
He believed that getting overly affixed, dependent and infatuated with human beings or rather one single human being could result in extreme fatalities. He just hadn't jumped to blatant conclusions. Oh, how he wished he had. Unfortunately, this particular belief had been his well-deserved dividend in life. A dividend so harrowing and torturous that he could physically feel the pain. Maybe even worse than a physical wound. This was a wound that inflicted fresh pain every time the memory walked down his memory lane, unsolicited. It had become the one memory that would haunt him for the rest of his life, chewing away at the negligible amount of troubled equilibrium he had left in his life.
The brief memory of a sunny morning, warm coffee, bright smiles, a few stolen kisses, unending proclamations of love, chasing her, her giggling, her running into the balcony, her looking back at him to blow a raspberry, her giggling some more, a sudden scream, her falling from the twenty-third floor, her body spreadeagled at the foot of the apartment, a rush down the stairs, more stairs, lots of blood, him screaming, lots of pain, it hurts, it really hurts, his throat feels parched, he needs water, no, he needs her, white noise, darkness, he can not breathe.
He shot up from his bed only to turn to his left to feel for her presence. Empty. The bed was empty and cold. Just as it had been yesterday night. And the night before that. It had been so for the past three months, ever since the incident had taken place. He was barely surviving now. No, he was dead. His heart had jumped off the balcony with her. It had broken into a million pieces that she had carried, piece by piece, with her to heaven. Now? He just existed. A bare body moving around, breathing, existing, until the point where he would feel like stopping. Maybe, if he died too, he could see her. He would probably. Soon. The only thing stopping him was that small nagging in his brain that kept telling him, “She would never forgive you if you did that.”
Maybe if he had never met her, she wouldn't have died. He wouldn't have to see her die. He wouldn't have to feel her die. With love comes repercussions. Yes, there was happiness, bliss and all of the other sugar-coated things about love. But no one ever questioned if they could withstand losing their significant half. No one ever questioned if they could live on without their significant other. They just took the plunge and got attached, enchanted and infatuated with that one person who later became their reason for pain. Did he want her to take the blame for his pain? Maybe.
“Humans are social creatures”, they said. And he always continued questioning that. Why?
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ellxcherries · 1 year
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Losin Control || S.C.B
Pairing: Changbin x Y/N
Genre: Angst, Fluff
Warning(s): None!
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She’s falling in love now,
Losing control now,
Fighting the truth,
Trying to hide
But I think it’s alright, girl
Yeah I think it’s alright, girl ooh
Heartbreak was nothing new to you. You were immune to it by now. In fact, you were so immune you never expected to find someone who would actually love and care for you as much as you love and care for them.
You’ve always been a person who gave love, while people just take and never give back. Cheated on, used, played. Every bit of heartbreak you can imagine, you’ve experienced. So much, that you’ve built a wall and you refused to let anybody in.
It was never in your intentions to try a relationship again. Not until you met Changbin. He was different. There was mutual feelings between the two of you, but because of your trust issues and past relationships, you refused to label anything with him because you were scared of what could happen. He always reassured you that he had no intentions of hurting you and that he would do anything to keep you happy. As much as you believed him and as much as you wanted to be with him, you couldn’t bring yourself to let him in. You were already into deep with your feelings for him.
Despite her past she can't help the attraction
He tells her that he's nothing like the last one
He redefines in every way what love is
She fell for him and hasn't gotten' up since
Changbin has always been a gentleman. He’s never overstepped with you, and he was always so patient. Waiting for you to let him in. He never once rushed or pressured you into anything you weren’t ready for. If anything, he wishes he could meet your exes and strangle them for the damage they’ve caused you. In his eyes, you were the most beautiful and precious soul. All he wants to do now is love and protect you.
As you both sat on the couch in the dorm, your legs were rested on his lap. He noticed you were staring off into nothingness. “What’s going on in that pretty little head?” He asks, rubbing your legs in a comforting way. You stared for just a moment longer, contemplating on whether you should open up now or just deny even thinking. He waited for you. Whatever your reply would be, he waited. “I’m just thinking. When you’re finally done with me too-“ You were cut off and interrupted by Changbin. “Baby, I’ll never be done with you. I’m so in love with everything about you. Even these walls you have up.” He grabbed your hand and held it in his. He kissed the back of your hand and smiled at you. “I know you’re used to being hurt, but Y/N, that’s not what I want to do to you.” He said, looking into your eyes. It’s not that you didn’t believe him, you did. It’s just the simple fact that you were traumatized from your past. Losing changbin would be the worst heartbreak of all. “I know. You’ve been such a gentleman to me and I’m positively and deeply in love with you. It’s just hard to let my guard down and it has nothing to do with you at all.” A tear slipped from your eye. He was quick to wipe it. “Pretty baby, please don’t cry. It is not your fault. It has never been your fault. Do you know what? I’m going to be here every step of the way. I’m not leaving you.” All you could do was smile through the tears.
Who would’ve thought that all the pain and heartbreak would’ve led you to such an angel like him? He kept his word. He’s been there for you every step of the way. With time, you were finally able to open up and let him in. He treated you like a princess. His only wish was to love and protect you and he did just that.
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banghyunchanji · 2 years
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Imagine Hyunjin you when you tell him your pregnant AGAIN
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nethskelie · 2 years
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(n) an excessive and abnormal love and deep attraction to music and melody
♠ series, social medias only - part of the Il y Aura Des Jours Meilleurs collection
♥ neighbors to lovers, boy next door!au, fluff, crack, a bit of angst, kim seungmin x reader
♣ Summary: Working all night till late in the morning, YN always took her afternoon to rest. Never her routine has been disturbed, until her new neighbor decided it was a good idea to sing his heart out every day when she was supposed to sleep.
Or, YN discover how thin the walls are thanks to the boy next door.
♦ Trigger Warnings: OC panics a lot, a lot of swearing, mention of the death of a parent, lots of characters but it's not overwhelming I swear, I can't think of anything else for now
DISCLAIMER: this is a piece of fiction; how the characters are portrayed doesn't necessarily reflect on how they are in real life
♠♥♣♦
Profiles: YN & FRIENDS
Profiles: SEUNGMIN & FRIENDS
Profiles: SIDE CHARACTERS
more coming soon…
♠♥♣♦
Stray Kids Masterlist
♠♥♣♦
Just ask if you want to be added on the taglist!
♠♥♣♦
a.n.: it's our favorite dandy boy's birthday today and for the occasion I wanted to introduce Mélomanie! I don't remember how I got the idea for this fic but it inspired me so much I couldn't not post this one after Fact
a.n.2: there is thrice as much characters as in Facts but everything's fine
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charmercharm3r · 9 months
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skz reaction to you still being needy after sex and wanting more rounds, but they're already tired (still horny tho )😼
chan would give in instantly even if you’ve both already cum 3 times and are covered in sweat, all you have to do is bat your pretty lashes at him and he’s on his back in .01 seconds. he’s exhausted, rightfully so, but if you’re horny, he’s horny and he would NEVER pass up an opportunity to have you and him cumming so hard you see stars. but his body is on the verge of breaking down, so he submits this one time. let’s you have a go on top and just admires the view of you working yourself into a frustrated frenzy cus you can’t get yourself to cum (but he’s been on the verge this entire time) and eventually finds the strength to flip over and give you the railing that practically sends you both into a coma when the pair of you finally cum one last time. hates hates hates not cumming at the same time so if he cums before you, he’ll power through the exhaustion and make sure he gets it right.
minho would be an asshole about it. so much teasing, so much humiliation and making you feel guilty. “do i not please you, baby? do i not make you feel good? i don’t satisfy you well enough that you’re begging me to make you cum again?” pleasure dom, but will make you feel embarrassed about being horny for him. he loves it, but would never say it to your face. instead gets you to cum minimum three times on his fingers, twice with his mouth, but denies you the first few times on his cock as “punishment for making him work so hard,” then has you crying from overstimulation cus “it’s what you asked for, so you should take it like a champ.”
changbin is also a pleasure dom, however will shower you silly with praise. it gets him off seeing the cute, adorably fucked out smile on your face— even more when you’re still begging him to make you cum again, not even a minute passing since your last one. it’s a huuuge ego boost knowing how insatiable he makes you. won’t stop until you’re in tears because of how good you feel. also refuses to be anything but even with how many times you both cum. nope, we’re fair and square in this bedroom! won’t mind if you cum more than him, though, you deserve it. but he will never cum more than you! pretty baby doesn’t get anything less than royal treatment >:)
hyunjin won’t even take his dick out until you’re begging for it, if it’s one of those days. will flat out refuse to let you touch him until you’ve cum at least 3 times from his hands and mouth. and only if you can still take it, will he let you sit on his lap and dry hump him over his boxers until you cum a 4th time from that. has incredibly surprising self control when it comes to sex. he’s tired but still knows how to get you whining and begging for his cock even though “my mouth does a perfectly good job, baby. sit on my face and maybe i’ll let you sit in my cock later.”
jisung is just as horny as you are. he needs the emotional connection in order to become intimate with anyone, otherwise it just doesn’t feel good. so when he meets you and finally breaks the touch barrier, he’s thanking the heavens you have just as high a craving for him as he does for you. THE BIGGEST SOMNO ENTHUSIAST. falls asleep anywhere and everywhere and will never never never deny you crawling into his lap and playing with him over his pants until he’s hard enough for you to sit on. even when he’s still asleep, or drowsy and can’t differentiate anything other than your voice, he’ll let you do whatever you want to him, no questions asked. tired, half asleep and will still find the power to grip your hips and thrust up into you until you both finally cum and falls back asleep with his cock still in you.
felix will cry. cries because he’s tired, cries because you’re too pretty, cries because he loves you so much, cries because he’s overstimulated and just wants to please you. lots and lots of tears but also will beg you not to stop, he needs it just as bad and will combust if you so much as look at him wrong. actually one of the hornier members, super open to experimenting to find solutions to both your troubles. likes the idea of a double ended dildo or sharing a vibrator when you’re both too sleepy but want the relief. likes laying you on your side so he can cuddle you while fucking you so early in the morning, needy baby needs to be as close as possible.
seungmin takes a bit to break. he’ll tease you to no end, make you feel embarrassed like it’s wrong to feel this way for him. until he’s eventually in the same position. amidst making fun of you for being so cock hungry, he neglected his own desire to the point that if you asked with just the right tone, he’ll summon the craziest amount of hidden energy to fuck you stupid like an animal because he didn’t realize how badly he needed to cum again. your cute whines for his cock went straight to his head, then trickled down to his dick until he caves and leaves you absolutely mind boggled how he had the strength to move like that. don’t mention how pussy drunk he got, or he’ll make sure to never do it again.
jeongin is also incredibly horny. like all the time. all. the. time. so even after you’re both spent and laying there out of breath, he’ll be the one to usually raise his eyebrows at you after a few minutes to kickstart another round. will request taking turns who’s on top so that no one is wasting unnecessary energy. but when your thighs eventually give out from bouncing on his cock for too long, he takes the initiative to hammer up into you. gives zero fucks about who hears and is actually incredibly vocal. has no filter, will yell your name, moan and groan late into the night so everyone knows how much he loves you and your body. when he walks to the kitchen for water at 3am after just pulling out of you 5 minutes ago, gets stopped by minho and is told “you both need an intervention. no one should be as horny as you two are.” note; intervention is unsuccessful.
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taetr4ck · 7 months
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LOVE IN SCRIBBLES — ten things lee know writes in his love letters for you
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lee know x reader — fluff, a little bit of angst if you close your eyes
a/n: i need a minho in my life 💔
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bang chan / minho / changbin / hyunjin / jisung / felix / seungmin / jeongin
i. do you know what i look forward to every morning? the moment your eyes open groggily and you stare at me with a smile on your face. i hope i wake up with you every morning for eternity.
ii. i love how the sun caresses your skin. the way the rays of sunlight kiss your figure, making your face radiate and stand out. no matter how bright or dark it is, you always shine to me – even in your darkest days.
iii. is it normal for my cheeks to grow hot whenever i think about you?
iv. you smell like home.
v. you did a job well done today. not just today – every day. i am beyond proud. i am here to cheer for you always. i hope you know that, honey.
vi. my heart breaks whenever i see you so down, it makes me wonder how could someone or something do this to you. i want to save you from everything that harms you – even if it’s from yourself.
vii. i’ve never seen my cats being so clingy to other people. when they saw you for the first time and immediately went to your arms, i know to myself that i found the one – maybe this is lady luck giving her blessing.
viii. i feel like i loved you in my past life – in every universe and every lifetimes. maybe we really are destined to each other. the universe brought us back together, bounded together and forever.
ix. i hope you see yourself through my eyes. maybe in that way, you know how precious you are to me.
x. i can’t wait to marry you. ah, i hope i don’t cry when the day comes – but i know to myself that i will. the idea of marrying you makes me want to cry out of happiness.
(bonus.) for eternity? for eternity.
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⋆ taetr4ck, est may 2023. / requests open
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luvrhyune · 1 year
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-; ✧˖*°࿐ A BABY . SKZ .
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˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ SUMMARY ; asking your skz partner for a baby.
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ PAIRING ; ot8 x gn! reader.
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— warnings ; swearing, thats it, idk its funny.
— notes ; go nuts & reblog 🫶🏽.
masterlist.
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— CHAN , MINHO & CHANGBIN !
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— HYUNJIN , JISUNG & FELIX !
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— SEUNGMIN & JEONGIN !
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-; ✧˖*°࿐ PERMANENT TAG LIST !!
@hyunverse , @ddenoudepression , , @bbujiikseu , @seungbinbin , @hanstan127 , @notastraykid , @seraphicsolitude , @sunboki , @yongbokkari
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all rights reserved © property of @luvrhyune . please do not repost, claim or translate my work on this and / or any other platforms. thank you.
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straylightdream · 1 year
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If you’re too shy
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Seo Changbin x f.reader
college au
↳ After three months together Changbin still manages to surprise you often.
wc: 3.5k
warnings: unprotected sex, dirty talk, begging, oral (male receiving), oral fixation, size kink, breeding kink, a little bit of cockwarming, soft dom Changbin, dry humping, names such as: (baby, kitten, pretty)
an: I unexpectedly wrote a part two Open Mind. I absolutely love this couple and they inspired my college series. This is always loosely connected to other college skz stories called SSFW
𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐬.
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Your day at school dragged on and after finishing a huge test you were excited to find your boyfriend waiting outside your class. You rush into his arms and he holds you close. There is nothing quite like his warm embrace. There is just something about him that feels right when he holds you. 
“Somebody missed me,” he says. You hadn’t seen him in two days because he was busy at work in the studio, and you had spent the last two days working on a huge essay that was due. This essay has left you exhausted and stressed out. Of course you missed your boyfriend. Nothing in the world sounded better than getting to spend time with him. 
“I didn’t miss you at all,” you joked before pressing a kiss to the tip of his nose. 
“Ouch,” he releases you dramatically. 
“Do you want to hear me say, I desperately missed my boyfriend so much?” You love teasing him like this. It absolutely riles him up and what comes next in the bedroom is always fun. 
“Please stroke my ego,” he reaches down, taking your hand. 
“You only want me to stroke your ego?” 
Leaning forward his lips brush against your ear, “believe me I prefer you stroke my cock too, but we’re in public kitten.” A shiver runs down your spine. Pushing your thighs together you feel yourself growing wet at his dirty words.
Without saying another word he tugs on your hand pulling you down the hall. Things with Changbin are never dull. In the three months you’ve been dating you’ve fallen head over heels for him. You never know what to expect with him. One day he’s whispering the dirtiest things in your ear before bending you over the closest surface he can find, and the next he’s taking you out on a romantic date. With him you really get both sides of things. You won’t ever complain though, you love the duality of him. He’s the same way in bed, sometimes you have messy or rough sex and then there are times like your one month anniversary where Changbin filled your room with roses and proceed to make slow love to you on your bed. 
“Where are you taking me?” You’re curious where he’s leading you. 
“I was taking you to my apartment,” he leads you towards his car. 
“What are we doing at your place?” You hadn’t exactly made plans on what you were going to do. Changbin had texted you in the morning telling you he would pick you up from your last class of the day. 
“Hyunjin is gone for the day with Felix, and I’m attempting to get Minho and Angel to go on one of their ‘not a date’ dates.” You can’t help but smile at the mention of Changbin’s roommates that are clearly together even if they don’t realize it. 
“Shouldn’t we maybe leave them alone so they can have the apartment to themselves?” You know from Changbin has told you and sworn you to secrecy that Minho and Angel are having sex. 
“Believe me even if they stay in the apartment us being there won’t stop them from having sex. They’re really good at being sneaky and not loud.”
“Do they still not know you know?” 
“No and I’m not gonna tell them. I just want them to leave so we can fuck with peace and quiet,” his blunt statement makes you laugh. 
“We can go back to my place.”
“I'm pretty sure your roommate hates me. We aren’t exactly quiet.” 
“Fine, let's go to your place. Did you just pick me up from class just so we can have sex?” 
He stops in front of his car, releasing your hand. “No I didn’t pick you up just to have sex. I wanted to spend time with my girl and cuddle. Having sex is just a bonus.”
-
Walking into Changbin’s place he takes your bag and drops it off in his room before coming back to the living room where he left you. Minho peaked his head out the kitchen looking at you and waving. You and Changbin walked towards where his roommates were. Angel and Minho were in the kitchen talking about where they wanted to eat. Chan and his girlfriend get brought up a few times while you listen to them talk. 
Changbin walks up behind you wrapping his arms around your stomach resting his check on your shoulder. “So are you guys going out for the night?”
“Why?” Angel asked. 
“No reason was just curious.” Your boyfriend wasn’t being subtle at all. 
Minho arches his brow at Changbin, “Bin why do you want us to leave?”
Angel rolls her eyes letting you know she knows exactly why Changbin wants the place to himself. “Do you want the short answer or the long answer?” 
“Please don’t make him answer that,” you plead. Your boyfriend does a great job of saying things that make your face burn like the sun with embarrassment. 
“Angel, did you want to get dinner with Chan and Bambi?” Minho doesn’t push for any more answers from Changbin or you. “Chan mentioned them going out and asked if we wanted to tag along.”
“Yeah that works for me,” Angel smiles. “Bin, can we come back at midnight please?”
“Of course you can,” you speak up before your boyfriend can respond. 
The moment you’re alone in Changbin apartment he turns on the tv in the living room. He ordered take out and you sat on the couch comfortably enjoying time with your boyfriend. 
After your finished eating you cuddled up next to Changbin with your eyes glued to
The tv. Things started out innocent. You leaned against him as you were on another episode of Crash Landing On you. His hand rested on your thigh catching your attention. Leaning over he pressed his lips to yours for a quick kiss. 
The kiss is far from innocent from the beginning. He wastes no time pulling your body on top of him so you’re straddling his thighs. Strong hands roam your back as his lips move across your jaw. You think back to the countless times when Changbin would bring your study sessions to an end with you on his lap kissing you while you dry humped him. Out of instinct you roll your hips forward. He groans as your legging covered core brushes against his jean clad pelvis. You keep rolling your hips against his until you start to feel his straining erection against his jeans. 
“Someone is excited,” you smile, pulling away from his lips. 
“Oh kitten,” he groans. 
Getting off him without a word you walk off towards his bedroom. You know you have the apartment to yourself but you don’t want to risk one of his roommates randomly turning up. The last thing you want is for one of the three of them to see you naked in their living room. 
You don’t wait for him to follow you, as soon as you’re in his room you start removing your clothes. The moment he’s in the room he shuts his door and stares at you for a moment before he starts stripping away his own clothes. You’re both left standing there completely naked. 
“Sit on the edge of the bed please,” you say. 
Sitting on your knees between his legs you look up at him. The site of him naked in front of you is something you’ll never get over. His hand reaches out and he runs his thumb across your bottom lip. Your lips part and he slides his thumb into your both. The way he looks at you with lust filled eyes is enough to make you feel weak. 
“Kitten you’re so pretty,” he practically moans. Pulling his thumb from your mouth you lean in closer. Ever so slowly you lick the broad head of erection. The moan that passes his lips is music to your ears. Taking his length in your mouth you take him about half way before pulling away. Leaning back in to lick his length. 
“You have to say that,” you say between licks. 
“I don’t have to do anything,” he smiles. 
“I’m your girlfriend. Don’t you have to say nice things to me?” you tease. 
“I’m only saying things that are true,” he groans as you take his length as far as he’ll go into your mouth. “Baby everything about you is perfect”
A warm feeling takes over your body as you look at Changbin whose eyes are locked on yours. Your hands help with your technique. He is just long enough he doesn’t fully fit into your mouth. You’ve mastered the art of blowing your boyfriend and you know how to make him puddy in your hands. 
He moans your name as his stomach tightens letting you know if you don’t stop soon he’ll finish in your mouth. 
Pulling away releasing him from your mouth you wipe your mouth smiling at him. Pushing yourself off the ground, you stand between his legs, he grabs your ass pulling you closer. 
“You’re so perfect,” he groans. 
He stands up still holding you close to him. “Changbin, what do you think about going bare?” You had been thinking about this for the last couple of weeks. You’ve never trusted anyone like you trust him, and after hearing Bambi talk about Chan’s breeding kink you couldn’t lie it piqued your interest. 
“We’ve never done that,” he responds. 
“I’m on the pill and I think I would like to try that if it’s something you’re interested in.”
“I would love to know what it’s like to feel you completely bare.”
Leaning forward he presses his lips to yours. One hand rests on the side of your neck holding you close to him. This man is absolutely intoxicating and you can’t seem to get enough of him. Pulling away grinning he reaches out taking your breast in his hand. His thumb dragging across your pebbled nipple earning a moan from you.  
In the three months you and Changbin has been together you’ve had sex too many times to count, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get enough of him. Every time you're together it feels like a whole new experience. 
Laying on your back he has your left leg raised resting on his shoulder as he sits on his hunches. His bare length pushes into you, earning a gasp. One hand grips your hip. Closing your eyes you moan attempting to adjust to the stretching feeling. No matter how many times you do this the thickness of his cock always leaves you slightly sore at first. 
“Bin,” you moan, reaching for his hand. 
“Yes baby?” 
“You feel so good.” There aren’t enough compliments in the world you can give this man. The smirk he gives you when you compliment him always makes you smile. Your boyfriend is absolutely beautiful and everything about him is absolutely so sexy, and he’s aware he’s hot but he isn’t cocky. 
“Bin?” You moan with his first deep thrust. 
“Yes kitten?” 
“I want you close,” you reach for his hand. 
He stills and takes your leg off his shoulder. Spreading your legs more he moves so hand hovering over the top of you. He slowly thrust into you causing you to gasp. Reaching up your hand rests on his cheek. The look in his eyes aren’t the normal lust filled haze he gives while you’re having sex. There’s an admiration behind them this time. His hips push into yours at a slow but deep pace. Leaning up you press your lips to his for a searing kiss. 
One of your hands moves down his back resting on his butt. You pull him closer to you causing him to still be inside you. He doesn’t try thrust he just holds still looking down at you. 
“Please kiss me,” you whisper. 
His lips crush into yours and kisses like he needs you to breathe. Your lips move together as his tongue slides against yours. Your hands roam this beautiful bare back. 
“You’re so beautiful,” you moan as his lips kiss their way across your jaw. You could stay like this forever with him. The feeling of him snug inside you while he kisses you sends a warm feeling to your stomach. 
“My pretty girl knows just the right things to say to me.”
Ever so slowly he starts moving his hips. Your hands roam his back as he slowly picks up the pace. Your head rolls back moaning. 
With each slow thrust you feel his thick length hitting just the right spot inside you. With your right hand you reach for his hand. 
“Baby can’t seem to get enough of me,” he groans. 
“Can we change positions?” 
Leaning forward he presses a quick kiss to your lips. “How do you want it kitten?” He stills completely. 
“Can I ride you while you sit up against the headboard?”
Silently he follows your request. He moves so he is sitting with his back against the headboard. You move so you’re hovering over his length. Slowly you slide down his length earning a moan from him. Filled to the brim you sit on his thighs. You press your lips to his for a searing kiss as his hands massage your breast. You work at a slow pace rolling your hips against his. You don’t want rough or quick sex tonight. You want it slow and intense. Rolling your head back a loud moan passes your lips. 
“Thank god we’re home alone,” he says. His hands move to grip your sides to help move you up and down his length slowly. 
“Bin,” you whine. His lips are on your neck while his hands are anywhere they can reach. Your fingers are tangled in his hair holding him close to you. He feels everywhere all at once. His hands on your body and lips against your neck are driving you wild. 
“Pretty you sound so good,” he groans against your skin. Your fingers tighten in his hair. “Does my pretty girl need my fingers on you?” Changbin knows everything he needs to know about your body and knows that most of the time you need more stimulation than just his dick to find your sweet release. 
“Yes.”
His hand dips between your bodies and his fingers start making quick work at rubbing your sensitive clit. A loud gasp passes your lips as the coil in your stomach starts to tighten. His fingers continue their ministration. You rolled your hips up and down his length desperately trying to find your release he’s helping you chase. 
A warm wave washes over you as you find your release. You stop moving your hips moaning his name as your walls tug on his length. He nips at the sensitive skin on your neck. Your heart races as your walls contract, milking Changbin’s still very hard cock. 
“Baby can you lay on your back for me?” He asks. 
Your body feels like jello as you remove yourself from Changbin and lay down on the bed with your legs spread. Your high is still washing over you as Changbin settles between your legs. He thrust into you slowly at first before picking up his pace a little. You cling to his body holding him close to you as he tries to find his own release. He crashes his lips into yours muffling your moans.  
A few sloppy thrust lets you know he’s close to finding his own release. “Are you going to come inside me?” You ask, staring into his warm eyes. 
“Do you want to feel my cum inside you?” He groans. 
You nod your head desperately wanting to feel his release. 
“I’ll give it to you kitten,” with one particularly hard thrust he finds his release. He slowly thrust into you as he paints your walls white. His chest slowly heaves as his high washes over him. 
He pulls out of you and watches as his release slowly drips out of you. “I fully understand why Chan likes doing this,” he chuckles before hopping off the bed. He rushes across the hall to the bathroom and comes back with a warm washcloth. He cleaned up his release from your sensitive core. He tosses the cloth in his hamper before joining you back on bed. 
Laying in bed behind you with his body curled up close to yours. There something so intimate about the two of you laying like this after having sex.  Ever so gently he leans forward pressing his lips to your bare shoulder. 
“I love you,” his statement catches you completely off guard. 
Freezing in place your mind goes at a million miles an hour as you think about the three words he just said to you. “Excuse me what?” You aren’t sure if you heard him properly. 
You roll over and look at him absolutely confused on what is going on. 
“I love you,” he pulls back looking slightly hurt. 
“You love me?”
“Why does that sound crazy to you? I’ve been your boyfriend for three months? It’s rare that I sleep alone anymore and I’m with you almost every day.” 
“No one has ever said they love me.” You think back to your little relationships you’ve had but they have never led to someone saying they love you. 
“Well then I’m proud to be the first person to confess their love to you.”
“I love you too,” your voice is soft. Almost as if you’re afraid to say it out loud. “Is this what sex is like when want to confess you’re in love?”
“I wanted to tell you I loved you for the last two weeks. But today just felt right,” he presses his lips to your bare shoulder for a gentle kiss. “Do you know that Jisung told Honey he loved her after just a month together. I remember him telling me he thought he loved her and I thought he was crazy, and I saw you later that day and when I watched you working on assignments, there was something about the way you looked at me when I said your name that made me realize that I just didn’t like you. I realized then that I was falling for you hard. I fully understood what Chan felt when he looked at Bambi.”
His sweet words gave you butterflies. You can’t help but smile at his confession. “Have you ever been in love?”
“Do you want my honest answer?”
“I always want you to be honest.”
“When I was seventeen I thought I was in love with Bambi, but I realized it was just a crush. I knew she would never look at me the way she did Chan. I’ve never been the type of person to be someone’s boyfriend. So I guess I haven’t really been in love,” he rolls onto his back staring at the ceiling. You move so you’re laying on your side staring at him. His confession that he thought he might have loved his best friend when he was a teenager didn’t make you jealous or anything like. You were just happy he felt safe being honest with you. 
“Have you ever told anyone about Bambi?” 
“Oh god no. Chan was so desperately in love with her from the moment he met her, and she was crazy about him. I knew from the beginning even if I really did love her it didn't matter. I never told Jisung because I wouldn’t want him to be in the middle of something. I realized after prom when we went together even though I liked her, she was always going to love Chan more.”
Moving closer to him you rest your head on his chest. “Thank you for telling me that.”
“You aren’t upset are you?”
“Not at all. I appreciate that you trust me enough to be honest about you. I’m not jealous or upset you liked someone else, because you don’t love her. You love me and that’s all that matters,” you can’t help but smile at the fact he loves you. 
“I love you so much (Y/N).” He presses his lips to the top of your head. 
“I love you too Changbin.”
You lay there cuddling for a little while before Changbin pulls your body on top of his while he kisses you. “How long do you think we have until Minho and Angel are home?” He asks between kisses. 
“It’s 10:52.”
“That’s plenty of time to make you cum at least twice,” he says, earning a laugh from you. 
It’s not long before he is on your back moaning his name again. After midnight when his roommates are finally home and he’s worn you out completely you’re dressed in nothing but one of his shirts curled up close to him. You’re on the verge of passing out when he whispers, “I love you so damn much.” You fall asleep knowing you found the man you truly love. 
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seungbinbin · 4 months
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bf!skz random texts: sassy man apocalypse edition
warnings: curse words, sassy men 💔, the term ‘girl’ is used once (for seungmin’s !) but not intended to be gendered !
a/n: heyyyy…heyy…how y’all doing…😁 so sorry i decided to not post in two decades but here y’all go ! i keep seeing these slideshows on tiktok so i thought i could make some skz-ified texts lol lmk what y’all think !
chan & lee know —✮⋆˙
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changbin & hyunjin —✮⋆˙
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han & felix —✮⋆˙
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seungmin and jeongin —✮⋆˙
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elllisaaa · 5 months
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no nut november - lee felix (3rd to lose)
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-> pairing : felix x fem!reader
-> words count : 2,9k
-> genre : smut, etablished relation
-> warnings : you're both whipped for each other, felix being sweet, teasing, dirty talk, praising, unprotected sex, oral (f. receiving), fingering, marking, riding + the way i'm depicting felix does not represent him, it's only a work of fiction.
-> 18+ content bellow, minors dni
-> reblogs and feedbacks are appreciated ! sorry for any mistakes, english is not my first language.
-> masterlist | skz masterlist | no nut november
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Felix told you immediately about the bet. He wasn’t particularly competitive, but it was mostly to prove to himself that he could do it. And being the sweet girlfriend you were, you agreed to participate with him. You continued to make him lunch, to sleep while cuddling with him, to take your shower together when you could, and so far so good. 
Hyunjin lost first, and then Changbin announced that he was out too, making Felix very confident in his chances to win. The second week of November was almost over, and he was more than ready to go through the third one. But at the same time, it was getting harder to keep the same routine with you when he wanted you so bad. 
At first, it was easy. You had been together for two years now, and you were used to him being away for a long time and thus not getting to touch the other. But it was absolutely not the same. When he was alone in his hotel room, you weren’t there, grazing your nails against his scalp, running your fingers through his hair, all snuggled up to him and your breath tickling his neck. No, you weren’t there, and it might make him lose - both the bet and his mind. 
He could just have told you to get off of him, but he felt guilty : he couldn’t even take care of you, and he didn’t want to keep that away from you too - but also because feeling so close to you was one of his favourite things ever.. You always did that when you two watched a movie, and usually, he appreciated it and it relaxed him. But today, it was just enough to get him turned on. 
“- You okay Lixie ?”
Your sweet voice interrupted the dirty thoughts of your boyfriend. You certainly had noticed that he was tense and that he was staring blankly at the screen of the TV, not understanding a word of the movie you put on earlier. 
“- Yeah, don’t worry love, everything’s alright.”
He smiled at you, but he saw that you weren’t convinced. Still, you didn’t push him further and came back to your previous activity, assuming that it wasn’t that important, or that if he needed to, he’ll talk to you when he’ll be ready. Felix knew it, and that made him feel even more guilty. You were nowhere near from thinking about what he was thinking right now, you were just worried he was upset by something. But the only thing that was upsetting him at the moment was his desire for you.
Don’t get him wrong, he was head over heels for you and he knew he was going to marry you one day. You were his soulmate and he loved you more than anything, but, right now, he was thinking about your body and nothing else, in a way that was all but respectful. You did nothing to try to seduce him, really, but it was already too late and his mind was filled with all the memories of you crying his name in pleasure. 
Even if he couldn’t touch you like he wanted to, Felix thought that kissing you couldn’t be that bad. He would be able to kiss you without going further, he was sure. You were doing it all the time, no reasons to lose control right ? 
Right ?
Kissing you was the worst idea he ever had. It all started innocently, just little pecks on each other's lips. But Felix needed more, just a little more. So he started to deepen the kisses, his hands slipping from your cheeks to the back of your head. And finally, he guided his tongue in your mouth. And then, he felt like he could never stop. He wanted to stay there forever, with you on his lap, your fingers gripping his hair and whining into his mouth. 
Though, you seemed to have more consciousness left than him because you pulled back, breathing as heavily as him and lust filling your eyes. But you didn’t seem eager to act on it. 
“- Lixie… We should stop…
- Yeah, maybe.”
Did he follow his own advice ? Not at all. He just grabbed your waist to pull you in closer to him and kissed you hungrily, like he had never tasted you before and that he would never get tired of it - which was not so far from reality. And as much as you wanted to melt in your boyfriend’s touch, let him do all the things he wanted to you, you had to keep the bet in mind when he couldn’t. You pushed him away just a little, trying not to stare too long into his pleading eyes. He was almost begging you to do something with his gaze. 
“- I’m serious baby… We have to win this bet, remember ?”
You smiled at his pouty face, knowing it was just fooling around. He would thank you later, when he had cooled down. But for now, you just had to get off of his lap, in order not to feel his half-hard cock pressing against your throbbing pussy. You weren’t directly participating in the bet, you could have touched yourself, but it wasn’t nearly close to what Felix could have done to you. And if he kept being so close to you, you were sure to lose your mind too, and then, no one could prevent both of you from doing something stupid. 
So you started to move, wanting to go back to your previous spot on the couch. But Felix’s hands were gripping too tight on your waist, making it impossible for you to move - well, you could have set you free if you were being honest, just loved it when he was showing you his strength. You laughed and hitted his chest playfully, even if your boyfriend seemed to be really serious about the whole thing. 
“- Let go of me Lixie, you know we can’t do that.
- And how about me taking care of you ?”
You bit your lips, tempted by the offer. Well, he was allowed to do that, but if he was able to contain himself or not was a whole different question. And Felix knew it very well, but that was the least he could do for you - and for him, by the same occasion. Yes, he couldn’t please you with his cock without coming, but he could do it with his fingers. 
“- You know I want you Lixie but…
- But I can control myself. Please love, I just want to make you feel good. I promise it won’t go further.”
His puppy eyes and words were begging for you to agree, and you were far too aroused to say no. Of course you wanted him to touch you, to lick you, and do all the things he usually did. But you knew the bet was important for him, and you didn’t want to be the reason for his loss. However, you decided to trust him. After all, it wasn’t like it would be his first time fingering you. 
“- Go on.”
Your voice was only a whisper, but Felix heard it very well and he didn’t lose any more time, sliding down your thighs the shorts you were wearing when you wanted to be comfy as well as your panties. He was happy to find you already wet, and he almost groaned at seeing you this wet just from kissing. You must’ve been craving his touch, just like he was craving yours. But this was all about you, about making you cum around his fingers. 
“- You’re so wet love…
- Yeah, it’s not the same with my fingers, I prefer yours.”
Felix chuckled and let one of his said fingers slide inside of you easily with who excited you were, not feeling any pain, only pleasure. You moaned at the feeling of him finally touching you. And your boyfriend couldn’t help but be filled with pride, knowing only him could make you feel that way. He wasn’t possessive at all, nor jealous. However, feeling you clench so hard around his now two fingers turned him on even more.
“- Everything’s alright ?”
You were only capable of nobbing at this point. You couldn’t think straight anymore, not when he was rubbing his digits against that particular spot that had you moaning his name, not when his thumb was circling your clit and making you dizzy, not when he was staring at you like he wanted to eat you out for hours - and if you’d ask him, he would have done it without any hesitation. 
Felix knew you were already close to coming, he could feel you getting tighter with each move he made, your moans increasing in volume. When his other hand slipped from your hip to your ass, squeezing it firmly, you finally opened your eyes that were shut since he started touching you. His gaze met yours instantly, and Felix knew he was screwed. You looked fucked out already, gripping on his shoulders so hard your nails were digging into the material of his shirt, and you never looked so hot. 
“- L-Lix… Please-
- What do you want love ? Tell me, and I’ll do it.
- Please- Kiss me…”
And how could he not do it ? Impossible. So he moved the hand that wasn’t busy to the back of your neck, pushing on it until your lips met and your moans were muffled by his tongue playing with yours. And that did it for you. You started to move your hips, smacking them into his hand and making yourself cum hard. You took your time to come down from your high, your forehead pressed against your boyfriend's. Both of you were breathless, couldn’t put your shit together because you missed this too much.
“- Almost forgot what you look like when you come…”
Felix was staring at you in awe, like it was the first time he was seeing you like this and it really wasn’t, considering the fact that his sex drive was high, and yours even more. And it wasn’t at all, considering the fact that his sex drive was high, and yours even more. 
“- But you love seeing me like that, don’t you ?”
Your boyfriend eagerly nobbed, making you chuckle. He could act like such a child sometimes, but it was something you liked, his innocence - well, not really when he just removed his fingers from your cunt and that he was currently burying his face in your chest only covered by a thin top. You put your arms around him, sighing when you thought about the fact that you’ll have to stay away from his cock and touch for two more weeks. It was torture.
“- I want to fuck you so bad.”
He whispered against the skin of your cleavage, but you heard him very well since the only other sound in the room was the film still playing in the background. You smiled, and ran your finger gently through Felix’s hair. You wanted him so bad too, wanted him to fill you with his cock and cum. 
“- Me too baby, but we can’t and you know it.”
Felix didn’t answer, letting his lips trace your collarbone instead, leaving hickey and light bites in his way to your neck. You whined quietly, closing your eyes again and tilting your head to the side to grant him more access. He knew very well that your neck was your weak spot, and he didn’t let the information go to waste, literally devouring the sensitive skin while groping every part of your body he could reach. Your whimpers quickly became moans as you could feel his hard cock pressing against your crotch.
“- Felix…
- What’s up baby ?”
His deep voice against the skin of your neck made you shiver, and you knew he did it on purpose, aware of how much you liked hearing his low tone. You could feel him smirk as he resumed his previous activity - aka licking, kissing, sucking and biting your skin endlessly. 
“- You have to stop now…
- Don’t do this to me love, not when you know how bad I want you.”
You stayed silent, thinking about it. Should you risk the bet even though you were really well placed to win it ? But Felix took your quietness as a sign of you being uncomfortable, so he immediately pulled out, lifting his head to look into your eyes, his hand resting gently on your waist.
“- Well, I mean only if you want it too. Or we can stop and put on another film, it’s up to you.”
His little smile made your heart flutter, and when he put back a strand of your hair behind your ear with the softest touch you’ve ever felt, you melted. What did you do to deserve an angel like him ? You slid your hands on his cheeks, bringing your faces only inches away and smiled at his big doe eyes waiting for your answer.
“- It’s not that I don’t want it Lixie, you can’t imagine how excited I am right now. But… Aren't you going to regret losing ?”
This time, it was Felix who felt his heart melt at the tenderness he catched in your gaze. And also the fact that you were worried for him ? You didn’t care about your own pleasure once, always putting him first, and that was probably the thing about you that he loved the most. 
“- I’m one hundred percent sure love. Let the others fight over this stupid bet, and let’s enjoy ourselves for the rest of the month. How does that sound ?
- Perfect. You’re perfect.”
Felix’s chuckles quickly died when you kissed him again, this time hungrily, each one of them filled with the neediness you didn’t have the strength to hold back anymore. He sometimes wondered how he got so lucky to get the girl he could only dream of, the perfect girl for him. But that was something he’ll thought about later, for now, he had to fuck you like you deserved to.
Since then, you didn’t need to say a word to each other, your gestures talking for you. You hastily helped your boyfriend to get rid of his sweatpants and boxer, sliding them just enough to free his throbbing cock. At this point, Felix knew he wouldn’t last long, but you already came and he could do it again if you wanted it. And on top of that, you didn’t seem to be bothered by that because he could already feel your hand squeezing his dick and making him grunt your name. 
“- You’re killing me love… I need you.
- Look who’s desperate now.”
You said that, but your actions showed the other way as you sunk on his cock fully, letting out a loud moan as you did. It was impossible to say who was more pathetic between you, smacking your hips from the get-go and letting his dick stretch you out, crying out in pleasure with no shame ; or your boyfriend who was grunting and hissing at the feeling of your tight pussy surrounding him, his hands gripping your ass firmly to help you move and his head thrown back.
“- Shit- You’re so good to me love…”
You whined at the praise, clenching around him as a reward. And then, you felt Felix’s hips meeting yours, which made his dick reach deeper into you, getting both of you to moan each other's name. His cock twitched inside you and you knew he was almost there, so you asked him the same question as usual, trying to collect your thoughts enough to produce a coherent sentence. 
“- Where do you want to finish baby ?
- Tits, please…”
He answered you with a shaky breath, unable to think straight as you took off your top, exposing your bare chest to his starved gaze. 
“- Come here then.”
Felix groaned, pulling out of you quickly. He only needed a few strokes on his dick to come, his cum painting your breast white, some even ending up on your chin. But you honestly couldn’t care less when he was moaning so sweetly, his eyes rolling to the back of his head as he released himself from the tension of these two weeks. You didn’t have the time to say anything that he had already layed you out on the couch, spreading your legs wide and diving into your pussy. 
“- F-Fuck ! Lix… S-So good.”
These were the only words that escaped your mouth before all you could manage to get out were moans and whimpers of your boyfriend’s name. You tangled your hands in his hair, tugging at the roots and earning a small grunt from him, sending vibration through your sensitive clit. Soon enough, you were grinding against his face, desperate to get your sweet relief. All he needed to do was to flatten his tongue against your slit, and you moaned even louder, pushing his head between your legs so hard you would have been worried about him being able to breathe in other circumstances. But Felix loved it. This way, he was enveloped by your intoxicating scent and he could lick you until it felt too much and you wiggled out of his touch. 
Felix pressed kisses as soft as a feather touch on your inner thighs before coming back to your face and kissing it all over, making you giggle like an idiot. He let himself fall on top of you, nuzzling his face in the crook of your neck - where he could admire his little work of art. 
“- Do you think it’s possible to fall in love with the same person over and over again ?
- Yeah, because it’s what I feel everytime I look into your eyes.”
Maybe it was cheesy, and sickeningly sweet, but at that moment, Felix couldn’t care less about losing the bet.
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-> i don't allow any copies, reposts or translations of my work.
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