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thebibliosphere · 3 years

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So I'm currently unemployed because I got fired for taking too much sick leave (it was legally sketchy blah blah blah but in the end I just can't work and take care of myself and investigate my mystery health problems at the same time). So I've been spending more time writing!

I really admire your writing and loved Hunger Pangs. I'm looking forward to the poly elements developing and I'm wondering if you have any advice for writing about poly. I've made one of my projects a snarky take on "write what you know" ... Apparently what I know is southern gothic meets Pacific northwest gothic, chronic illness pandemic surrealism, and falling back-asswards into threesomes.

I know this is a very open-ended question and I don't expect an answer, I'm just curious about it if you have the energy. As a writer, trying to write honestly / realistically about polyamory/enm, I'm curious if you have any thoughts on what's different about portraying monogamy or nonmonogamy in books, romance or erotica or otherwise.

I'm trying to read examples but it's hard to find examples that fit the niche I'm looking at. Excuse me if this question is nonsense, it's the cluster headaches.

I'm sorry to hear you've been dealing with all that and solidarity on the cluster headaches. But I'm glad you're finding an outlet through writing! And I hope you're happy with an open-ended ramble in response because oh boy, there's a lot I could talk about and I could probably do a better job of answering this sort of thing with more specific questions, but let's see where we end up.

There's definitely a big difference between writing polyamory/ENM (ethical non-monogamy) and what people often expect from monogamous love stories.

Just even from a purely sales and marketing standpoint, the moment you write anything polyamorous (or even just straight up LGBTQIA+ without the ENM) you're going to get considered closer to being erotica/obscene than hetero romances. It's an unfair bias, but it's one that exists in our society. But also the Amazon algorithm and their shitty, shitty human censors. Especially the ones that work the weekends. (Talking to you, Carlos 🖕.)

So not only do you start out hyper-aware that you're writing something that is highly stigmatized or fetishized (at least I'm hyper-aware) but that you are also writing for a niche market that is starving for positive content because the content that exists is either limited, not what they want, or is problematic in some fashion i.e. highly stigmatized or fetishy. And even then, the wants, desires, and expectations of the community you're writing for are complex and wildly varied and hard to fit into an easy formula.

When writing monogamous love stories, there is a set expectation that’s really hard to fuck up once you know it. X person meets Y. Attraction happens, followed by some sort of minor conflict/resolution. Other plot may happen. A greater catalyst involving personal growth for both parties (hopefully) happens. Follow the equation to its ultimate resolution and achieve Happily Ever After.

But writing ENM is... a lot more difficult, if only because of the pure scope of possibilities. You could try to follow the same equation and shove three (or more) people into it, but it rarely works well. Usually because if you’re doing it right, you won’t have enough room in a single character arc to allow for enough growth, and if ENM requires anything in abundance, it’s room to grow.

And this post is huge so I’m going to put the rest under a cut :)

There's also a common refrain in certain online polyam/ENM circles that triads and throuples are overrepresented in media and they may be right to some extent. Personally, I believe the issue isn't that triads and throuples are overrepresented, but that there is such minuscule positive rep of ethical non-monogamy in general, that the few tiny instances we have of triads in media make it seem like it's "everywhere" when in actuality, it's still quite rare and the media we do have often veers into Unicorn Hunter fetish porn. Which is its own problematic thing. And just to be clear, I’m not including this part to dissuade you from writing "falling back-asswards into threesomes." If anything, I need more of it and would hook it directly into my brain if I could. I'm just throwing it out there into the void in the hope that someone will take the thought and run with it, lol.

I’d love to see more polyfidelitous rep in fiction, just as much as I’d like to see more relationship anarchy too. More diversity in fiction is always good.

Another thing that differs in writing ENM romance vs conventional monogamy is the feeling like you need to justify yourself. There's a lot of pressure to be as healthy and non-problematic as possible because you are being held to a higher standard of criticism. Both from people from without the ENM communities, and from the people within. Granted, some people don't give a shit and just want to read some fantastic porn (valid) but there are those who will cheerfully read Fifty Shades of Bullshit and call it "spicy" and "romantic," then turn around and call the most tooth-rottingly-sweet-fluff about a queer platonic polycule heresy. That's just the way the world works.

(Pro-tip for author life in general: never read your own reviews; that way madness lies. I glimpsed one the other day that tagged Hunger Pangs as “ethical cheating” and just about had an aneurism.)

And while that feeling of needing to justify yourself comes from a valid place of being excluded from the table of socially accepted norms, it can also be to the detriment of both the story and the subject matter at hand. I've seen some authors bend so far over backward to avoid being problematic in their portrayal of ENM, they end up being problematic for entirely different reasons. Usually because they give such a skewed, rose-tinted perspective of how things work, it ends up coming off as well... a bit culty and obnoxious tbh.

“Look how enlightened we are, freed from the trappings of monogamy and jealousy! We’re all so honest and perfect and happy!”

Yeah, uhu, sure Jan. Except here’s the thing, not all jealousy is bad. How you act on it can be, but jealousy itself is an important tool in the junk drawer that is the range of human emotion. It can clue us in to when we’re feeling sad or neglected, which in turn means we should figure out why we’re feeling those things. Sometimes it’s because brains are just like that and anxiety is a thing. Other times it’s because our needs are actually being neglected and we are in an unhealthy situation we need to remedy. You gotta put the work in to figure it out. Which is the same as any style of relationship, whether it’s mono, polyam or whatever flavor of ENM you subscribe to* And sometimes you just gotta be messy, because that’s how humans are. Being afraid to show that mess makes it a dishonest portrayal, and it also robs you of some great cannon fodder for character development.

Which brings me in a roundabout way to my current pet peeve in how certain writers take monogamous ideals and apply them to ENM, sometimes without even realizing it. The “Find the Right Person and Settle Down” trope.

Often, in this case, ENM or polyamory is treated as a phase. Something you mature out of with age or until you meet “The One(tm).” This is, of course, an attempt to follow the mono style formula expected in most romances. And while it might appeal to many readers, it’s uh, actually quite insulting.

To give an example, I am currently seeing this a lot in the Witcher fandom.

Fanon Netflix!Jaskier is everyone's favorite ethical slut until he meets Geralt then woops, wouldn’t you know, he just needed to find The One(tm). Suddenly, all his other sexual and romantic exploits or attractions mean nothing to him. Let's watch as he throws away a core aspect of his personality in favor of a man.

Yeah... that sure showed those societal norms...

If I were being generous, I’d say it’s a poor attempt at showing New Relationship Euphoria and how wrapped up people can become in new relationships. But honestly, it’s monogamous bias eking its way in to validate how special and unique the relationship is. Because sometimes people really can’t think of any other way to show how important and valid a relationship is without defining it in terms of exclusivity. Which is a fundamental misunderstanding of how ENM works for a lot of people and invalidates a lot of loving, serious and long-term relationships.

This is not to say that some polyam/poly-leaning people can't be happy in monogamous relationships! I am! (I consider myself ambiamorous. I'm happy with either monogamy or polyamory, it really just depends on the relationship(s) I’m in.) But I also don't regard my relationship with a mono partner as "settling down" or "growing up." It's just a choice I made to be with a person I love, and it's a valid one. Just like choosing to never close yourself off to multiple relationships is valid. And I wish more people realized that, or rather, I wish the people writing these things knew that :P

Anyway, I think I’ve rambled enough. I hope this collection of incoherent thoughts actually makes some sense and might be useful.

----

*A good resource book that doesn't pull any punches in this regard is Polysecure by Jessica Fern. It's a wonderfully insightful read that explores the messier side of consensual non-monogamy, especially with how it can be affected by trauma or inter-relationship conflicts. But it also shows how to take better steps toward healthy, ethical non-monogamy (a far better job than More Than Two**) and conflict resolution, making it a valuable resource both for someone who is a part of this relationship style***, but also for writers on the outside looking in who might have a very simple or misguided idea of what conflict within polyam/ENM relationships might look like, vs traditional monogamous ones.

** The author of More Than Two has been accused of multiple accounts of abuse within the polyamorous community, with many of his coauthors having spoken out about the gaslighting and emotional and psychological damage they experienced while in a relationship with him. A lot of their stories are documented here: https://www.itrippedonthepolystair.com/ (warning: it is not light material and deals with issues of abuse, gaslighting, and a whole other plethora of Yikes.) While some people still find More Than Two helpful reading, there are now, thankfully, much, much better resources out there.

*** Some people consider polyam/ENM to be part of their identity or orientation, while others view it as a relationship style.It largely depends on the individual.

#long post #writing #ethical non-monogamy #relationship styles #relationship models in fiction #also that kindle link is an affiliate link #because fuck giving amazon free recs

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freddiekluger · 3 years

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Why Cap Being Internally Closeted Is Not Only Possible, But Valid Representation

i wrote this to a lot of mitski and onsind, so you can’t blame me for any feelings that bleed through

now i don’t know if it actually exists, but i’ve heard of there being a lot of discourse surrounding the captains story arc regarding his sexuality- i believe the general gist is that having a queer character that remains closeted to themselves is either unrealistic or ‘bad’ representation, and as someone who really treasures the captain and relates to his story so far a lot, i thought i might break this down a bit.

i’ve divded up every complaint i’ve heard about this into four main questions which i’ll be covering below the ‘keep reading’, because this is gonna be pretty comprehensive. full disclaimer i reference my experiences as an ex-evangelical non binary butch lesbian a couple times, and i spent a year studying repression and the psychological impacts of high demand sexual ethics for my graduating sociology paper, so this is coming with some background to it i swear

the big questions:

can you EVEN be gay and not know it????

but isn't this just ANOTHER coming out arc, and aren't we supposed to be moving beyond those?

but if cap can't have a relationship with a man because he's a ghost, what's the point?

since cap's dead, isn't this technically bury your gays, and isn't that bad?

1. "but is it really possible to not know? Isn't that bad representation?"

short answer: no and no.

before i get into the validity of the captain's ignorance about his own orientation as 21st century rep, let's break down how the hell the captain can be so clearly attracted to men and still not even consider the possibility that he might be gay, as brought to you by someone who literally experienced this shit.

the captain's particular situation is both a direct result of the lack of information around human sexuality he would have had (aka clear messaging that it's actually possible for him to be attracted to men. i don't mean acceptable or allowed, i mean physically capable of happening- the idea that orientations other than heterosexual exist and are available to him, a man), and a subconscious survival mechanism. the environment in which he lives is outright hostile to gay people, while the military man identity he has constructed for himself doesn't allow for any form of deviation from societal norms, let alone one so base level and major. as a result of this killer combo of information and environment, instincts take over and the mind does it's best to repress the ‘deviant’ feelings until a. one of these two things changes, or b. the act of repression becomes so destructive and/or exhuasting that it becomes impossible to maintain. the key to maintaining a long-term state of repression of desire is diverting that energy elsewhere, and a high-demand group such as the military is the perfect place for the captain to do this (this technqiue is frequented by religions and extremist ideologies worldwide, but that’s not really what we’re here to focus on).

while the brain is actively repressing ‘deviant’ feelings (aka gay shit), this doesn't mean you don't experience the feelings at all. when performed as a subconscious act of survival, the aim of repression is to minimise/transform the feelings into a state where they can no longer cause immediate danger, and something as big as sexual/romantic orientation is going to keep popping up, but as long as the individual in question never understands what they’re feeling, they’ll be able to continue relatively undisturbed. you know how in heist movies, the leader of the group will only tell each team member part of the plan so they can’t screw things up for everyone else if they get caught? it’s kind of like that.

this is how the captain appears to have operated in life AND in death, and it’s a relatively common experience for lgbtq people who’ve grown up in similar circumstances (aka with a lack of information and in an unfriendly-to-hostile environment), and accounts for how some people can even go on to get married and have children before realising that they’re gay and/or trans.

personally, while i can now identify what were strong homo crushes all the way back to childhood, at the time i genuinely had no idea. there was the underlying sense that i probably shouldn't tell people how attached i was to these girls because i would seem weird, and that my feelings were stronger than the ones other people used to describe friendships, but like-like them in the way that other girls like-liked boys? no way! actually scratch that, it wasn't even a no way, because i had no idea that i even could. i even had my own havers, at least in terms of the emotional hold and devotion she got from me, except she treated me way less well than cap’s beau. snatches of the existence of lgbt people made it through the cone of silence, i definitely heard the words gay and lesbian, but my levels of informations mirrored those that the captain would have had: virtually none, beyond the idea that these words exist, some people are them, and that's not something that we support or think is okay, so let's just not speak about it. despite only attending religious schools for the first couple years of primary, until i got my own technology and social media accounts to explore lgbtq content on my own- option a out of the two catalysts for change- the possibility of me being gay was not at all on my radar. don’t even get me started on how long it took me to explore butchness and my overall gender, two things which now feel glaringly obvious.

when shit starts to break down, you can also make the conscious choice to repress which can delay the eventual smashing down of the mental closet door for a time (essentially when the closet door starts to open, you just say ‘no thanks’ and shut it again by pointedly Not Thinking About It). in the abscence of identifying yourself by your attractions, it becomes quite common to identify with a lack- in my case, this meant becoming proud of how sensible and not boy crazy i was, and in the captain’s case, this means becoming proud of how sensible and not sensuous/wild (aka woman crazy) he was, identifying with his LACK of desire for women and partying (which, even in the 40s, involved the expectation of opposite sex romances and hook ups). i’m not saying that’s the only reason he’s a rule follower, but i think the contrast between About Last Night and Perfect Day pretty much support this. (the captain getting on his high horse about general party antics that he inherently felt excluded from because of underlying awareness of his difference & his tendency to project his regimented expectations of himself onto others, vs. joining in the reception party, awareness of how the environment supports difference in the form of clare and sam, and relaxing his own rules by dancing with men- the captain doesn’t mind a party when feels like he has a place there.)

so the captain was operating in a high demand, highly regulated environment (primarily the military, but also early 20th century England itself), with regimented roles, rules, and expectations. working on the assumption that he wouldn't have had out/disclosing lgbt friends, he would have had little to no exposure to lgbt identities, and what information he did receive would have been hushed and negatively geared. while my world started to open up when i started high school was allowed to have my own phone + instagram account, resulting in me realising something wasn't quite 'right' within a few years (making me a relatively early realiser compared to those who don't come out to themselves until adulthood), in life the captain never had that experience. he didn't receive the information he needed, his environment didn't grow less hostile. with the near-exception of havers related heartbreak, his well disciplined and lifelong method of repression never became destructive/exhaustive enough to permanently override the danger signals in his mind and allow him to put his feelings into words. neither of the most common catalysts for change happened for him, so he continued as usual, even after his death.

BUT, and here’s where we come to why this is actually great representation, arrival of mike and Alison represents the opening up of new world. for the first time, the captain is actively made aware of the fact that his environment is no longer hostile, and better than that, it’s affirming. he’s also getting access to positively geared information about lgbtq people and identities, so option a of the two catalysts for change is absolutely present, and resoundingly positive.

the captain’s arc is also relatively unique as it acknowledges the oppressive nature of his environment, but actually focuses on the internal consequences, and the way that systems like those that the captain lived in succeed because they turn us into our own oppressors. for whatever reason, we repress ourseslves, and often can’t help it, and i find that the significance of the journey to overcome that is often overlooked in more mainstream queer media. perhaps it’s just not very cinematic, or it remains too confronting for cishet audiences, but ghosts manages to touch on it with a lovely amount of humour and hope. Jamie Babbit’s But I’m A Cheerleader is another favourite piece of queer media for the same reasons.

not only does it show this, but as the captain continues to get gayer and lean into some of his less conventional traits (like an interest in fashion and the wedding planning), it shows lgbt people who have been or are going through this that there CAN be a positive outcome. it takes a lot to unlearn all the things that have painted you as wrong, especially when a massive institution is desperate to continue doing so, but you can do it, you can be happy, and it's never too late. (i've been meaning to say that last point for ages for ages, but a mutual beat me to it here)

2. not just another coming out arc

i absolutely support the demand for queer stories that don’t center around coming out (it’s like shrodinger’s queer: if you’re not coming out on screen, do you really even exist?), but i don’t align with the criticisms that the captain should already be out. for the reasons mentioned above, the captain’s particular story is fairly different to the ‘young white teenager who mostly knows gay is fine, it’s just everyone else that’s got the problem, but have a unremarkably straight sounding soundtrack, a trauma porn romance, and a cishet saviour’ that we keep seeing. the captain’s ongoing journey with his sexuality emphasises the overaching theme of the show: recovering from trauma and humanity’s endless capacity for growth, and i think that’s worth showing over and over again until it stops being true.

additionally, while the captain’s journey regarding his gayness is a big part of his character and story, ghosts makes it clear that it’s not the ONLY part, and being gay is far from his ONLY characteristic or dramatic/comedic engine. the fact that i’m even having to congratulate ghosts for doing that really shows how much film and television is struggling huh.

while all queer media is, and should be, subject to criticism, i think if it helps even one person then it absolutely deserves to exist, and i can say i’ve found the captain’s journey to be the lgbt story i’ve found that’s closest to my own, which says a lot considering he’s a dead world war 2 soldier who hangs out with other ghosts including a slutty Tory, a georgian noblewoman, and a literal caveman.

3. if captain gay, why he no have boyfriend????

another complaint that’s been circulating is that since the captain doesn’t, and likely won’t, have a boyfriend, that makes him Bad Representation because it follows the sad single gay trope. i kind of get the logic from this one, and a lot of it is up to personal interpretation, but part of me really enjoys the fact that the captain’s journey towards accepting himself is separated from having a relationship.

coming out is often paired with having romantic/sexual relationships (either as the reason or reward for doing so). my own struggle with repression didn't end the second that came out, and i still struggle with letting myself develop & acknowledge romantic feelings as a result of actively shutting them (and most other feelings in general) down for years, and statistics show that lgbtq youth in particular tend not to live out their 'teen years' until their twenties. by not giving cap a relationship straight away, ghosts separates the act of claiming identity and sexual orientation from finding a partner (two things which are, more often than not, separate), and also provides some very nice validation to folks who have yet to have the relationship they want, especially when lots of mainstream queer media is now jumping on the cishet media bandwagon of acting as if every person loses their virginity and has a life defining relationship at sixteen. it’s essentially a continuation of the earlier theme of “it’s never too late”, and who’s to say the captain won’t get a gay bear ghost boyfriend to go haunt nazis with??? people die all the time, it could happen.

(also, i think him and julian will have definitely shagged at least once. it was a low moment for both of them and they refuse to speak of it.)

lots of asexual/ace spectrum fans have come out to say how much they’ve loved being able to headcanon cap as ace, and while that’s not a headcanon i personally have, i think it’s brilliant that ace fans feel seen by his character- we’re all in this soup together babey (and sorry for cursing everyone still reading this with that cap/julian headcanon. i’m just a vessel)

4. “okay, but cap’s a GHOST- doesn’t that make this Bury Your Gays?”

this is a bit of a complex one, but i’m going to say no as a result of the following break down.

Bury Your Gays (BYG), aka the trope where lgbtq characters are consistently killed off (and often with a heavy dose of trauma, while cishet characters survive) is probably one of my least favourite lgbt media tropes. BYG has two main points:

1. the lgbt character is killed, thus removing them from story entirely- hence the use of the phrase ‘killed OFF’ (killed off of the show/film)

2. the character’s death reinforces the perception that lgbtq people’s lives must end in tragedy, instead of being long and fulfilling, or are inherently less valuable. bonus points if the character is killed in a hate crime or confesses same-gender love right before they die (that one implies that queer love genuinely has no future!)

not every death of an lgbtq character is bury your gays, and i personally feel that the captain is an example of an lgbt death that isn’t.

first of all, while the captain is dead, so are the vast majority of characters in ghosts. the premise of the show means that death is not the end of the line for its characters- for most of them, it’s the only reason we get to see them on screen at all. as such, the captain being dead doesn’t remove him from the story, so point one is irrelevant.

at the time of posting, we don’t know how or why the captain died, but we've had nothing to suggest his death was in any way related to his latent sexuality, so his mysterious death doesn’t actively play into the supposedly inherent tragedy of queer lives, nor the supposedly lesser value. that’s as of right now- since we don’t know the circumstances of his death it’s a little tough to analyse properly. while the captain’s life absolutely features missed opportunities and it’s fair share of tragedy, hope and growth (which seems to be the theme of this post) abounds in equal measure. the captain may not be alive, but we DO get to see him growing and having a relatively happy existence, that for the most part seems to be getting even better as he learns to open up and be himself unapologetically- that doesn’t feel like BYG to me.

while writng this, it’s just occured to me that death really is a second chance for most of the ghosts, especially with the introduction of alison. from mary learning to read, to thomas finding modern music, they’ve all been given the chance explore things they never could have while they were alive, and hopefully grow enough to one day be sucked off move on.

in conclusion,

i love the captain very much and i hope his arc lives up to the standards it’s set so far. i don’t know where to put this in this post, but i’d alo like to say i LOVE how in Perfect Day, the captain wasn’t used as an educational experienced for fanny at all. i am very tired of people expecting me to be the walking talking homophobe educator and rehabilitator, so the fact that it’s alison and the other ghosts that call fanny out while the captain just gets to have fun with the wedding organisation made me very happy.

here’s a few other cap posts that i’ve done:

the captain’s arc if adam and the film crew stayed

a possible cap coming out

the captain backstory headcanon

if you’ve read this far,

thank you!

also check out @alex-ghosts-corner , this post inspired me very much to write this

#i subluxed all my fingers and wrists doing this but worth it #bbc ghosts #bbc ghosts headcanon #bbc ghosts analysis #the captain #caphavers #the captain x havers #ben willbond #lgbt representation #lgbt rep #queer media #lgbt media

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absolutebl · 3 years

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Manner of Death - It’s A Murdery Series

Episode 1 Analysis

I’m not sure I can do my normal flippant BL tropes analysis + pop culture crit with Manner of Death. Because:

This is not BL, it’s romantic suspense

Different tropes for different folks

We are also in cozy mystery city, sweetheart

Or should I say cozy mystery small town?

Anywhowhatwhenwherewhyhow...

Romantic Suspense in a BL blog?

This is MaxTul and I have been waiting YEARS for them to appear in something decent, so sure, here we go...

What’s romantic suspense?

Romantic suspense is a literary sub genre of romance fiction in which both the romance AND the suspense/mystery/thriller elements are integral parts of the plot. This means that if you remove the romance thread the story would fall apart. And/or if you remove the crime element the story falls apart. It’s primarily consumed by romance readers.

Why do I think Manner of Death qualifies as Romantic Suspense?

Well at first I thought we were getting a cozy mystery with a gay romance sub-plot. (Which means if the romance element is removed, the story could still occur.) But after watching episode one, I think it’s actually romantic suspense because:

So much of this episode was built using romance tropes as well as mystery tropes.

The gaze of the filming lens was very romance-driven in terms of lingering on longing glances and shirtless Dr Bun.

We followed Dr Bun into his bed. Suspense (even cozies) rarely follows the protag into household intimacy zones in the first episode. (Victims = yes, protags = no.) Romance almost always does.

Finally, we have got a kiss in the first installment for Dr Bun, plus a lot of screen time spent on their meet cute, and that kind of pacing indicates romance.

Why is it EXCITING that Manner of Death is romantic suspense?

Well, romantic suspense is a HUGELY hot genre amongst readers that has gotten VERY little attention from Hollywood. (Something like True Romance qualifies as do a few others but there isn’t much out there...) There’s also little to NO queer rep in suspense films in general (except as plot drivers and victims).

Generally speaking, the Hollywood film industry prefers straight up suspense in which the heterosexual love story, while it can be present for the protagonist, doesn’t drive plot and usually doesn’t end happily (think Mission Impossible franchise). Or the alternate which is cozy mystery TV series, which I’ll address in a moment.

In short? This is a massive untapped market in visual media.

Cozy Mystery

Cozy mysteries, AKA cozies, are a sub-genre of crime fiction in which:

sex and violence usually occur off stage (AKA don’t be too graphic)

the detective is an amateur sleuth

the crime and detection take place in a small, socially intimate community.

While I think Manner of Death is demonstrating all core elements of a cozy, I don’t think it is going to be a cozy because they wouldn’t have hired MaxTul if they weren’t going to give us some serious skinship (violating the too graphic rule above). And it has already gotten a bit violent for cozies.

That said, it’s a REALLY smart thing to put a romantic suspense into a cozy framework because...

Cozy mysteries are SUPER popular, often times with exactly the same demographic that tends to watch BL and read romantic suspense. Which is to say: mostly straight women of a certain age. (What Hollywood calls the apple pie demographic. Don’t blame the messenger.)

Also cozies are more popular as TV series, rather than one-off films. And what do we have with Manner of Death? A SERIES!

So I’m calling Manner of Death as:

A gay romantic suspense series in a cozy mystery framework.

And if they can stick to that, and have done their marketing properly, they could have a run away hit on their hands.

There are some things to be wary of:

The lingering gaze and romantic lens can upset mystery watchers, who are probably going to be coming to this show fresh (expecting a cozy) not understanding what it is.

Also the captioning of the medical terminology and awkward phrasing of certainly dialogue may turn these viewers off. They are less forgiving than BL watchers.

The director is going to have to tread a VERY thin line with romantic suspense to keep new (non-BL) viewers. As is the script - the mystery is going to need to be executed well. Finally, much as we like Dr Oak and the comedic element, that style of humor probably won’t translate well to a mystery audience, so I’m hoping they pull back a bit on that.

Some stuff I really loved?

The soundtrack. It’s way more mature than BL and I am really happy to hear music that doesn’t interfere with my enjoyment or beat me over the head with its mistrust of the actor’s ability to execute emotion.

The filming style, they have left off triple shots and other BL fillers.

The lack of comedic sound effects. I have learned not to mind them in BL romantic comedies but they have no place in romantic suspense.

Lack of product placement. Although I worry about how they are funding this baby.

Tul’s acting. I seriously did not think he had it in him and I am really excited to see him carry this thing. I was confused as to why they gave Dr Bun to him and not Max, but now I totally get it. Tul has a soft sweetness to him that Max doesn’t and it’s perfect for this character. I am already very worried about him. That’s one of the dramatic tensions of a cozy - fish-out-of-water driven concern for the protagonist.

My Feels?

This is going to be a wild, crazy, sexy ride. Even if it jumps the shark I’m excited to see where it fails. And I mean that lovingly.

From a purely academic perspective it’s so cool to watch something totally new, yet based on so much trope-riddled history.

And on that note... TROPES!

Mystery & Suspense Tropes We Got In Episode One

Opening on a murder

Fridge girl (see women in refrigerators)

Nosy reporter

Medical evidence explained

Female friend in danger

Amateur sleuth

Small town sins AKA the dark underbelly

Public argument

Zoom in on clues

I know the victim

Murder disguised as suicide

Love interest is a suspect

Romance Tropes We Got In Episode One

Meet Cute

Sexual tension

Secretive brooding love interest

You can’t go home again

Witty banter & innuendo

Everyone wants the protagonist

Get his shirt off ASAP

First kiss in under 10%

BL Tropes We Got In Episode One

(what you thought I’d just forget my one true love?)

Faen fatal

Baby is a floppy drunk

Proximity alert

Post-it love note

Touch my lip and think of kissing

Head touch (the ”you have something in your hair” variant)

In conclusion Manner of Death may be the death of me, but what a way to go.

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forestofbeginnings · 3 years

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while I do agree with what you’re saying about character’s sexualities needing to be explored rather than being seen as the easy option, having “just a few” LGBTQ+ characters means every LGBTQ+ player is SEVERELY restricted in terms of who they can choose to be with, ESPECIALLY since those few LGBTQ+ characters run the risk of falling into harmful stereotypes to make it “obvious” that they are those characters. it leaves a LOT of room for separation rather than inclusion, for distance between players and characters bc the player may not think the other characters are worth getting to know when those characters arent the “few” LGBTQ+ ones. as much as it is important to have the detailed representation, as a member of the LGBTQ+ myself, I am equally happy with stories going in depth on character’s sexualities as I am with them just being completely normalised. video games are pleasant, peaceful escapes for people, and as much as it would be “realistic” for them to experience some kind of discrimination or self hatred, I personally prefer the idea that in the world of the game, everyone is just fine with it, as they should be. that leaves room for discussion on why the real world ISNT like that already, how we can HELP it become that way by assisting in the normalisation of it, etc. this is in no way a direct argument against you, it’s solely my standpoint on the whole LGBTQ+ marriage options. I just think it should be a fair game to everyone, and no player should feel their options are limited based on their own sexuality and having just a few characters in the game who match that, instead of it being equal for everyone, if that makes sense

That's a very good point, thank you for sending this to add to the conversation! I'll try my best to respond to all the good points you make.

(my reply is very long and under the cut and includes a lot of my Opinions of queer rep in video games so here we go)

I know you're probably talking about Fire Emblem when you're talking about the severely limited LGBT+ options. And it does suck, I'm pretty lucky that I fell hard for one of the few bisexual offerings in FE3H (looks fondly at Mercedes). But on the other hand...my primary experience with LGBT+ rep are Bioware games, where everyone has their own distinct identity. In Dragon Age Inquisition, out of the romance options there's 1 straight woman, 3 straight males (albeit two are limited to elves/humans), 1 pansexual male, 1 bisexual female, 1 gay male, and 1 lesbian. And most of the writing does not focus on their identities. In a majority of the romances, the most you get is a "sorry, not interested" from a character if you're not what they're into. The only route with clear focus on sexuality is for the gay man, which is fantastically written (and is written by a gay man about his personal experiences so take that as you will). All of the other LGBT+ characters’ stories don’t focus on their sexuality at all and don’t face discrimination for it.

The game isn't perfect (the writing for the lesbian is bad in the base game, just straight up bad), but it's what I think of when I say "everyone has an identity." No matter who you play, not all options are open to you. Doesn't matter if you're straight or LGBT+, your options are limited. And honestly, despite the more limited options...the impact that games like Fire Emblem and Dragon Age gave me are still things I remember fondly as a bi/ace woman. I loved Mercedes' romance in FE3H because she was specifically bisexual like me. I was absolutely giddy when Josephine's romance (the bi option in DAI) did not include a sex scene, which meant she could be asexual like me. And to me, I don't get as much excitement playing SoS or SDV. The girls like me because I'm the player. That's it. It’s not because they’re bisexual with their own identity, it’s because I’m the player. And it just reminds me of that quote from The Incredibles like "if everyone is super, nobody will be." Everyone is ""bisexual"" and...

I think when you talk about people not being interested in learning about other, non-LGBT+ characters, that's more a flaw in farming sims in general? Because you can't really...befriend a romance option. You can't learn their full story unless you're romancing them. Which, again, isn't a thing in Fire Emblem or Dragon Age. You can A support anyone in FE and it only becomes romantic if you choose to S support them. In Dragon Age, you learn a character's full story and learn about them regardless of romance. I don't think people will be less interested in knowing other characters...it's just if you don't want to romance them...you can't really know them? So why befriend a character if you can’t just be friends?

But I do really want to touch on the point you make on how LGBT+ romance doesn't need to be realistic and can be idealized. I 100% agree. Making it not a big deal and not put under a microscope helps it become normal. It's actually the kind of rep I prefer. I don’t like when huge deals are made about LGBT+ characters because it just accentuates that they’re different and ‘the other,’ rather than just another person that happens to not be heterosexual.

But literally the only romance-based video game I've played where a realistic struggle of an LGBT+ person is focused on is Dragon Age Inquisition. With the gay route I mentioned and touched on with a non-romancable trans man. Sexuality is not really spoken about in FE3H. Some characters are just...bisexual. Nothing more to it. Mercedes certainly doesn't say anything about it. She can just be romanced by both men and women. It is barely spoken about in Dragon Age games aside from character preference and Dorian's romance. In Dragon Age 2, one bisexual romance option mentions his first experience with a man. Another option is hesitant to date a female because of cultural reasons. That's it.

I do get your point. We don't need to include the realities of the world in our video games. But also...we're allowed to still acknowledge sexuality in video games. I joke about my bi/ace-ness all the time. Even in a perfect world of a farming sim...I'm pretty sure a character can make wisecracks about liking both men and women...or only men/women. Being bisexual always means some kind of discovery that you like more than one gender. Has this love interest dated someone of the same or opposite gender before? Will they tell me off-hand that I'm the first girl they dated? Will they express interest in a character of the opposite gender but can be romanced by a same-sex player? Representation doesn't need to be a sanitized thing completely removed from reality. Even in a completely perfect world where there is no such thing as discrimination against the LGBT+ community, we’re still allowed to speak about our sexualities. It’s a part of who we are.

When I say I want specific representation, I don't want a realistic depiction of the current-day struggles our community faces. I just want a character to say something that makes me know that they're like me. That they're specifically bisexual or specifically pansexual or so on. That they have their own preferences and are their own character and aren't blindly into me because I'm the player.

I do get why you want representation to be equal across the board. It is the easy option and a simple thing to do. But I want quality over quantity. I don’t want a character to marry me because I’m the player. I want a character to marry me because they’re bisexual or pansexual or a lesbian or asexual with romantic preferences or so on and so forth. And the reason why I’m so passionate about this and want farming sims to go towards this direction is because I’ve seen it done in other genres! It can work!

Inclusion of LGBT+ romance options does not have to be at the sacrifice of the identities of bisexual and pansexual individuals. And now I get off my soap box and drink some water because I just got my 2nd COVID vaccination.

#the curator speaks #warning: this is long but i did want to hit all your points!#and i do see your point and they are valid #but i really enjoyed your ask and even if you still disagree that's fine!

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mattzerella-sticks · 3 years

Text

Thoughts on "Carry On" after I've mulled it over:

Now that I've had time to sit on it, I can be a little more precise on my thoughts of this finale:

- Dean's 'ending': Taken out by a rusty nail... I hate it. Then I heard some opinions - without Chuck there were no magic fixes, and this was bound to happen if they continued hunting because of that. It was a human, ordinary, accidental death meaning the Winchesters are just ordinary. Still, being taken out by a nail or rebarb or whatever wasn't a satisfying death for Dean Winchester. Added to the fact he most certainly wanted to live (Miracle, job application, etc.) And he didn't want to hunt anymore either! He wasn't looking for hunts (like Sam was). They stumbled onto that hunt by accident.

From a writer's point of view, I can say now it makes sense with the plot of the episode (only). Dean's death was a catalyst - to give Sam 'freedom' and to show us, the audience, what Heaven was like now that Jack is God. His own sort of 'freedom', I guess.

Unfortunately the plot of the episode still sucked. Just because it makes sense 'story wise' (and I say that very loosely because Dean didn't even get his loose ends tied up nicely). A death during a hunt was something Dean figured would happen in his youth, and he didn't care because he practically was a ghost without many physical attachments. Now he has so many they decide to take him away and for what purpose? It is the last episode. A series finale should only hurt in saying goodbye to the characters, but not like this.

And a goodbye like this, for a character who has had suicidal tendencies and from the looks of it was moving past that, who never really thought about his wants until this moment, and who was on the cusp of being textually confirmed queer (which would have been monumental just saying), it felt like we as fans were stabbed by the rebarb. Which goes to show how much we love the character, one thing. And I think that's why they knew it would hurt. However, they were so wrapped up in this 'shock' they didn't think about any of the consequences listed above as to why this would hurt not only us but their legacy. They figured it'd be a bookend, only for a book whose story ended a decade ago.

- Cas: A one-sentence reference sucks. That's just it.

Fanfiction was mostly built around Cas, too, and I had a feeling they wouldn't show his rescue because leaving that to us would be a good gift. "Here, Cas is alive and human but we won't tell you how - our last fanfiction gap". But Cas's absence wasn't a fanfiction gap, it's a canyon. So much of this episode doesn't make sense without Cas. And, honestly, a good chunk of outrage could have been avoided if Misha was allowed to film (or, if rumors were true, if they left his scenes in). Like it's been proven the majority of fans love Cas, and Jensen and Jared love Misha, so not having him in the finale gives credence to, that the cast and crew might love Misha, TPTB certainly didn't. And doesn't that tarnish your legacy, that you have a man dedicate 12 years of his life to your show and this is how you repaid him? Even if they decided to 'no homo' Cas's declaration (which i doubt they would have because those optics are much worse) at least show it.

Which leads to why he wasn't included in the finale. If he was there, they'd have to have him and Dean talk. About that night, when Cas told Dean he loves him. And if they did, and had there be a reciprocal confession, I bet things on Tumblr would have felt a little different. An equal exchange instead of plain highway robbery.. Yes we would all still want Dean and Cas to live long, human lives, but at least Dean and Cas's emotional arcs were resolved by the SHOW WRITERS, whose job it is to do so. Not ours! But they never understood how to give Castiel good things. Clearly, they know how to make Castiel give good things (like creating Dean's perfect Heaven for him) but not receive them in kind (reciprocated love from Dean). By not having this, it plays exactly into the bury your gays trope we were all afraid of, even if Cas is back. Because he, a queer character, is still living his life for a character he believes doesn't love him back - even if Cas 'doesn't need to know if that's true'. The audience does, and I'm sure Misha did as well.

The writers set up such an easy win but what this finale did was put every character back to season one, and given Misha didn't show up until season 4, makes sense why he wasn't in this episode.

- Sam's life after Dean: Sam liked being a hunter. We had how many countless episodes show that? He enjoyed saving people, research, being a leader - he was good at it. Hell, they even made it a point to have him find someone in the life who understood what it was like to hunt and wrote a beautiful relationship that also gave disability rep.

Only they never followed through.

Like, with Dean, so much of this lead up was then tossed out the window by Sam starting a family, which he never had any indication he wanted to do in these later seasons. Since season 8, really. What we got was that he liked to hunt, he was good at it. He could have restarted the Men of Letters, America chapter, and made the hunters even more connected than before!

Not saying he didn't do that, but knowing how Sam was raised I doubt he would let himself hunt with a kid. So, by showing him marry and have Dean Jr., it's a non-textual confirmation he retired. Which, like with Dean's ending, didn't make sense with what he wanted. It felt like a "might as well" since Dean wasn't there any longer. Like, whats the point of doing something I love now that I don't have my brother with me?

Instead of leaving the Bunker he should have transformed it into a bustling center of activity so he wasn't alone. Extend the Winchester family further and become the hunters' patriarch. Eileen being the matriarch.

Which, circling back, Eileen should have had textual confirmation, too. They showed a brunette woman standing far back, and I get if the actress couldn't be there to film why they would do that. But why not show pictures of him and Eileen if they did marry? I mean, there's a giant picture of Sam with Dean, Mary, and John I DON'T remember them ever having. Why he would blow that up after having two previous episodes talk about how much of a bad father he is...

Sam's ending falls in the same vein as Dean's in that it's unsatisfactory and doesn't fit the character anymore. Not saying Sam didn't want this in the past, but we all saw him change. Hunting was in his blood, and he was fantastic at it. It used to be a way for him to hang with Dean but it would have also been good to see him carry on the legacy in Dean's honor. A better way then by naming his son Dean.

Which strikes another nail on the head. We have Dean, a subtextually queer/textually ambiguous sexuality character, die, and because of this Sam can go on and live the 'apple pie life'? Cas's confession scene wasn't homophobic, but damned if Sam didn't spend the thirty years after Dean's death yelling 'Straight Pride'.

Textually, giving characters a family is a common trope in these sort of epilogues. Harry Potter, Hunger Games, etc. A way to show they've moved on from trauma and are trying to be happy (albeit in a very antiquated way). But at least it fit with those characters and stories. This was Sam trying to be a person who he wasn't anymore, who clearly would rather be on the road hunting (given that ugly wig scene in the garage with Dean's Impala). Actually, worse, it felt like Sam was trying to live a life Dean always wanted. Which shows that even if he's alive Sam isn't happy with what his life was, he was content. He was waiting for death.

- Dean's time in Heaven: Like I said previously about Dean and his 'death', it makes sense to have Dean die early if the goal was to show how Heaven had been changed. Which hurts worse because that again reinforces how Dean's storyline truly is left unresolved for plot development.

And, honestly, they should have cut this entire sequence if they weren't gonna have the cameos. They should have changed the script so that Dean didn't die, because there was no emotional pay-off of Dean going to heaven. We're told it's freedom, however it's more like a waiting room. For Dean, driving endlessly until Sam dies. And for us, being told we can't start writing until Sam gets there and we finish his montage.

Like, is it beautiful that Jack and Cas remade heaven so Dean would be happy? Yes. Did I need to know this until like maybe the last few minutes? No. Dean could have lived a long life, with Cas/without Cas, and then die first and be taken to Heaven. And then after Bobby gives him the rundown, about how time works differently here, we get the Sam end of life and see him pop up too. And when Sam asks what happened to Heaven, Dean could have clapped him on the back and told him he'd explain in the car and they drive away knowing they lived a good life, and have eternity of peace.

Because having Heaven be an open sandbox, for us, to let characters roam free and see those they love without them being memories - beautiful and exactly how Heaven should be. It definitely is something we as writers would have enjoyed if we didn't get it how we did.

Because it hadn't felt like Dean nor Sam deserved the deaths they got. Making Heaven, ultimate freedom, seem such a dangerous idea. That the only true peace is in death (Dean) and life is spent waiting for death so you can be reunited (Sam). What about any of that makes it seem like any of what Sam and Dean did was worth it? Was good? At least on Earth. Sure, without them (and Cas and Jack) Heaven wouldn't be the way it was. But that doesn't seem like a good reward for them. Their reward should have been living long lives (both of them) and them buttoning it with those five to seven minutes of how Heaven changed (more if they decided to leave Cas as an angel despite that being, again, zero character growth and not aligning with how the story was unfolding)

And after a painful, undeserved death, we get Dean in Heaven but still not happy? It was clear Dean was still waiting to let himself enjoy seeing all his family, his friends, Cas, because Sam wasn't there. Which shows he hadn't broken the sacrificial cycle because he's not putting himself first! "Oh but he has eternity to do it!" Yes, but he shouldn't have had to wait still. His whole life has been spent waiting and he gets killed just before he gets his due, and we never see him particularly 'enjoy' his reward, which is too tragic for a series finale. "He could have done more than drive, we don't know!" Yes, but if they're not showing it then why should I read into it? This finale isn't deep. "But covid-" Yeah, I get that. They should have changed the script because without those cameos Dean's time in Heaven was more than pointless and this whole finale was just an exercise in how to hate your main characters.

What this boils down to is that we, as fans, were told that this was for us, except we already knew Heaven was ours because Heaven was supposed to be the implied. Heaven is whatever we make of it. We didn't need to be told this through the show. Having this be the goal of this episode, of the finale - which sums up the goal of the entire series, really - be totally focused on the life we get after death instead of doing the most to make life on Earth paradise for you, was rotten. And Sam's 'happily ever after' was cheapened because of Dean's death.

- Family Don't End in Blood?: Taking into account all of the above, the show has failed the core message of what we as a fandom loved. Family don't end in blood.

Again, I get that covid stole any chance of reunions in Heaven, but it also stole so many others. Like Sam wouldn't have called Garth, Jody, Donna, the girls and Eileen, to have them here for Dean's funeral? Sam wouldn't have burned Dean alone! We know there was some time that passed since the hunt and Dean's funeral by the dog being there, but it should have been more people. Which, again, they should have axed it from the story if they couldn't get them because, like these side characters have done from the beginning, they change the context of the show! Sam's loneliness would have hit harder if it was a room full of people all telling stories about Dean to then just him, alone, in the Bunker trying to move on.

The writers thought we didn't need all these cameos, but we did because - as we keep repeating - while the show, at its heart, is Sam and Dean, there were so many more people who gave their characters depth and allowed for this show to continue. It should have been a celebration of who the boys became and how it was through these bonds they were able to overcome so much.

Which, if redone in that context, Dean's speech to Sam could have been so much better. More poignant and hopeful instead of sad. I mean, I could barely focus on what was being said because I was in too much shock of what was being done to Dean. If they had a similar speech, given with Dean and Sam parting ways to start new lives. Dean reminding Sam he's done so much good, that he's proud of his brother and knows he can do so much even without him, the emotional beat would have still hit! Probably even better than with his death. Because my takeaway from Dean's death isn't "Dean is proud of Sam" it's "Dean died stupidly".

Going to show that this entire script was a series of choices that were all the worst possible outcome, stitched together and handed in. It didn't feel congruent to the story and, instead, a bunch of items checked off of a list the writers were given. It didn't feel like the culmination of the series like we were promised, instead a 'what if the show skipped fourteen years after season 2, John's dead, Mom's killer dead, and no demon deal'. It felt like (even if it wasn't intended) the writers telling us "don't expect people to change or that happy ending exist in life" which, given current climates and attitudes, is dangerous.

Overall:

They were trying to satisfy an audience built around fandom and fanworks, they wanted to leave so much "up to interpretation" so we can continue crafting our narratives through this open sandbox. What they failed to consider is that we don't care where the brothers, or any of the characters, physically are in this show, we care more about the characters themselves and their emotional goals. That's why we write fanfiction. That's why there's a lot of canon divergence. We thank them for the world and play around in it. So, by giving Sam and Dean these 'half-lives' on screen, letting loose threads hang so we, as an audience, can fill in the blanks (Dean and Cas's heaven reunion, who Sam married, what Dean did while driving for fifty years, etc.) was a poor and lazy decision because we are tired of having to do your job! Supernatural is a collaborative effort yes, but they misunderstood the assignment. We still need textual goalposts, like seeing Cas or Eileen. We needed them to finish what they were saying, so we could then take over and continue the story.

A series finale should feel poignant but the only really emotional moment was Dean's death (not for good reasons), and the rest was filler. Your series finale should not feel like filler. It felt rushed. It felt sloppy and - because of not including a certain character - plain rude. Just... it didn't work. The short of it is that the finale, as a whole, didn't work. It didn't wrap the show up in its entirety like we were promised it would. And if they do revive this show for a mini-series or movie, they best forget what happened in episode 20.

#supernatural #spn #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #destiel #spn15 #deancas #jack kline #eileen leahy #saileen #15x20 opinions

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kashimos-hajime · 4 years

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cookies and rings and things | b.b.

summary: “What do you want for Christmas?” “I’ve got everything I want right here.”

WARNINGS: swearing, but it’s all soft, cute and just love!!! lots of love :) pairing: bucky barnes x fem!reader word count: 8.3k

a/n: written for @sunmoonandbucky for no particular reason other than i saw that she needed fluff and i was more than happy to provide. make sure y’all show her some love bc she just ACED AN AUDITION and literally,, i love her,,, so much,,, NOW HAS A SEQUEL TITLED: POSITIVELY PERFECT

“How much do you love me?” she asks, winter gleaming on her bare skin and firelight playing in her eyes. It’s Boxing Day of 2024, the first truly normal one after the Blip, and Bucky watches as snow falls like feathersoft stars outside his window at the compound.

“Count the snowflakes, multiply by a million.”

“Big number,” she muses and he can feel her nails scratch at his waist lightly as her socked feet nudge against his. He wonders what kinda insane person wears socks without any clothes on, but then decides that it’s the kind of person who’s fallen in love with him.

“Well, I love you more than that,” he replies. She wrinkles her nose and snuggles in tighter against him. The fur lining of those ridiculous reading socks tickle the inside of his calf as she curls against him and he doesn’t think he should be able to love a girl this much. Then, he can feel the cold metal of the ring she slid onto her own finger less than twenty-four hours ago and realizes that he had thought a lot of things shouldn’t be possible, and yet they still are.

“Dork,” she murmurs against his neck.

“Lover,” he replies against her ear.

Bucky doesn’t mean to notice her. He’s running laps around the newly rebuilt compound, she has a whistle in her mouth as she shouts drills around the metal thing. Sharp cracks of ‘Pick up the pace!’ and ‘Move it, kids!’ nip at his ears when he runs by and Sam says something about how he’s getting distracted. He hadn’t realized at all.

“Who’s she?” he asks, wiping the sweat from his brow. He’s just finished five laps and he stands on the inner edge of the track, watching as recruits run past. A towel is slung over his shoulder and Sam skids to a stop in front of him, stepping in beside the soldier. The rookies’ shirts are soaked and they pant as they whip past, but none dare to slow down when she stands waiting just a few metres away.

“New trainer.” Sam’s got a glint in his eye Bucky thinks he knows when he says her name. He’s just getting to know the guy but he’s a pretty easy book to read anyway. “Heard she’s a hard ass on the newbies but it’s ‘cause she has a rep.”

“Then they’re getting what they signed up for,” he says shortly. Despite the cool autumn breeze brushing against the thick heat of his neck, his heart burns into his chest as he heaves another breath.

“Alright, walk it off. We meet by the pool in fifteen.” She catches their attention again, and Bucky notices she’s wearing a half-zipped up windbreaker and joggers, and nothing underneath. Not that he intends to notice. Her hair is tied up back, and he kinda can’t help but look at her neck and her collarbones and, oh, no, he’s looking at her black sports bra—

“Dude.” He blinks at Sam’s amused snap. “You’re staring.”

“Shut up.” Bucky’s voice roughens up as his cheeks begin to flash red and he hides his face in his towel when Sam nudges him with a sweaty elbow.

“She’s cute. I can get you her number,” Sam says but Bucky lets out such a strangled sound that both Sam and the cute trainer look at him.

If it were possible, Bucky’s skin would melt off.

“Hey,” Sam calls her over by a name Bucky can barely hear because he’s too busy staring at his feet and wishing the ground would swallow him up. “You’re the new trainer, aren’t you?”

“Yeah.” Her voice is so much softer than before. Guess it’s like that when you’re not yelling at recruits and talking to Avengers. Bucky raises his head, absently running a hand through the few strands of hair that’ve fallen from his ponytail. “You’re Sam, right? I feel like we’ve met before.” She cocks her eyebrow and tilts her head. “Did you use to live in Washington?”

“Yeah, I did.” Sam’s smile pinches his cheeks and Bucky’s lips press together in a displeased frown when a grin flickers across her face. “Did you work in the VA? ‘Cause you’re starting to look familiar.”

“Yeah.” When she smiles, it morphs her face into something startling warm and lovely. Bucky dips his head low, trying to act like he’s not really part of the conversation—a mere bystander—because if he looks at her for too long, he knows it’s just too intense to be anything but creepy. “I think we used to bump into each other at the gym. I was a physical therapist at the office, and—”

“You made cookies any chance you got, I remember now!” Sam exclaims and she laughs loudly. “You always made my vets’ day when your cookies came in, so thank you.”

“Yeah, well, I’m here now. It’s funny how life works.” She shrugs and Bucky can feel her gaze land on him. “Hi, I don’t think we’ve met.” Her name slips off her tongue like poetry and Bucky, midway through a swipe of sweat down his neck, looks at her with narrowed eyes. He doesn’t mean to glare, but he’s caught so off-guard by the sudden change in direction of their conversation that he isn’t even a part of that his face reverts to something less than friendly.

“Bucky,” he says stiffly, although he doesn’t know why she doesn’t know the names of every Avenger. She probably does and is just being polite, a stern voice in Bucky’s head reprimands and he can feel Sam almost sigh in disappointment. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“It’s nice to meet you, too. You haven’t tried my cookies yet, so I haven’t proven my worth but I promise they’ll change your life,” she says, completely unphased. Bucky guesses she’s more than used to grumpy guys. “Fall equinox is tomorrow, so wait just a tiny bit longer?”

“Uh, yeah, sure.” Bucky doesn’t understand the question at the end of her sentence but she seems satisfied with his answer as she shoves her hands into the pockets of her windbreaker. “You probably have to get back to work,” he adds lamely and she turns to look at the compound. The autumn breeze curls hair against her cheek and Bucky bites his lip to resist the urge.

“I’m free later tonight,” she says, eyes squinting a bit when she turns back to Bucky and Sam clears his throat when Bucky himself doesn’t say a word. It’s like he’s drowning in her eyes. There’s something so effortlessly patient and warm in her gaze that Bucky can’t help but just… rest. It’s almost as if he can rest in her presence.

“So is Barnes.”

“What?” He snaps back to reality harshly, as usual. “We’re supposed to—“

“Actually, I can handle it on my own. She, however—” At this, Sam gestures wildly to the trainer who stands there, the beginnings of an amused grin growing on her face—“needs help with cookies.”

“I can’t,” he croaks after a minute of stuttering, and he simply clamps his mouth shut, averting his eyes. She’s too pretty for him.

“I mean, company is always welcome,” she says, but he shakes his head.

“I’ll just get in your way and I don’t wanna mess up your cookies.”

“You can’t mess them up. I always think of something and it always works out.” She reaches over to take hold of his flesh arm and despite the coolness of the day when they’re not running their lungs out, her hand burns against his skin. She gently squeezes his elbow. “Don’t worry so much, okay? I’ll be in the kitchen after dinner in the mess.”

She lets go too soon and slips her hand back into her pocket as Bucky opens his mouth to reply.

“I’ve got to go to the pool,” she says, jerking her head towards the compound. Her eyes flicker to Sam whose grin nearly splits his face. “Bye, Sam. It was nice seeing you again, although I suppose we’ll be seeing a lot more of each other now.”

“Big building,” he says with a shrug. “Who knows?” She chuckles lightly, and then her gaze slides to Bucky.

Her eyes just seem to find his so calmly. It’s magnetic, and if he believed in love at first sight, this would be it.

“See you later, Sergeant.” She magpie salutes and he can’t help but mimic like a monkey, a lazy swipe of his finger from his brow. It’s so relaxed, so slow and he’s slouched on one hip, his metal hand on his towel, that he thinks he’s never felt so light. It’s almost routine—he could get used to this.

Man, it’s so easy with her.

Her smile brightens remarkably and she heads back to the compound with a little spring in her step.

Sam waits until she’s inside before grabbing Bucky by the neck and giving him a noogie.

“You gotta dress up nice, man,” Sam advises like he’s on the same level as Tan from Queer Eye. Bucky stares at his reflection in the floor-length mirror and frowns in response.

“We’re baking, not going to a gala.” Maybe I should take her to one. Get invited to enough of them as it is, a part of him muses, but he quickly chases that thought of his head. “Besides, she just saw us earlier today sweating like dogs so I don’t really think she’ll care if I show up in a t-shirt and shorts.”

“But this is your first date, man. You gotta dress to impress.” Sam shuffles through Bucky’s closet whilst its owner gapes at him.

“It’s not a date.”

“Yeah, and I’m not Captain America.”

“Shut up, Sam.” Bucky catches the pair of dark washed jeans and a cozy little sweater Wanda said would be cute on him. Glancing at his reflection in the mirror, he sighs. The warm white and the dark blue are so not his style. His style is black in different shades and fabrics and he is going to kill Sam. “This? I’ll look like—”

“Husband material. You’ll look like a straight up husband. She will cuff you on the spot,” Sam declares much to Bucky’s annoyance. “Are you gonna wear the photostatic veil Banner programmed for you?” He glances over to see Sam holding the mesh of tech, and he frowns thoughtfully.

“Should I?” He hasn’t had the opportunity to try it on, and although he knows everyone is used to his metal arm… He sighs. This is way more complicated than the forties. “Yeah. Good impression, right?” he says lamely and Sam claps him on the back, helping him seal it to his metal arm. As the nano-sized cells connect to the metal plates, a fleshy color blooms from the shoulder down and he feels like silk brushes against the tiny fibers of his arm. He can feel every single little cell, buzzing in a way that’s barely even noticeable. Bucky hopes that when he doesn’t focus on it, it’ll fade into the back of his mind.

“Atta boy. Come on. We’ve got dinner and then it’s time for your date! Wanda made paprikash.”

“Great,” Bucky intones dully, nerves biting at his stomach. He has no appetite for this. “I love paprikash.”

“We don’t sulk on first dates, Barnes.”

“It’s not a fucking date!”

After a dinner full of questions from Dr. Banner on how the photostatic veil was feeling and from everyone else on why, Bucky volunteers to do the dishes and clean up to make sure everything is spotless for when she comes in. Despite confusion among the rest of his colleagues, Sam assures them that ‘this is the plan, guys. Barnes’s got a hot date coming over.’

This, of course, only results in Bucky threatening to throw a skillet at him.

He wipes down the countertops, cleans the sink, and reorganizes the fridge while he waits for her, and he absently wonders what kind of cookies she intends to make. Chocolate chip, jam, sugar, shortbread…

Ingredients! His eyes widen and he turns to look at the dark pantries in slight horror. I should probably get them out for her. And measuring spoons, that’s what she needs, right? His stomach is in knots as he runs around the kitchen island, trying to find all the tools they might need. He tries to think of when Wanda had last made something sweet—what had she used? He ducks to pull out the biggest drawer, relieved to find three metal bowls of different sizes.

“Small, medium, large,” he murmurs under his breath, and he puts them all out beside the other instruments he thinks might be needed. A whisk, a bunch of different spoons, a glass cup and metal scoops… He glances around and tries to figure out what he’s missed before deciding to just open up every possible drawer and cupboard, and see what pricks his imagination.

He only gets to the second set of drawers when a soft chuckle catches his attention.

Whipping around, he feels his heart drop into his stomach when he spots her leaning against the doorframe. Her hair is pulled away from her face, and she has a book and aprons hugged tight to her chest.

“I didn't want to disturb you,” she says, an impish curl to her mouth. Bucky steps back from the kitchen island as she walks around and her gaze sweeps his collection. “It was cute.”

“Not many people can sneak up on me,” he says, a bit defensive as a flush makes its way up his neck. He doesn’t mean to sound like it, but maybe it’s the embarrassment of being caught that makes him oddly proud of his work.

“Not many people help me bake cookies,” she replies, standing next to him. She sets down the book and aprons down and he can catch the faint whiff of dinner at the mess hall clinging to her t-shirt. His heart hammers hard enough he’s sure even the deaf would be able to hear it as she gently plucks at different tools, thinking about what they will and won’t need.

Not the thing that looks like a weird wire version of brass knuckles, got it.

“Uh, pastry cutter,” she names, returning it to its place without a mistake. “We won’t really need it since we’re not cutting up big portions of fat.”

“Good to know.” He nods and writes that down in his head. “Anything else we don’t need?”

“We can use it all if you want,” she says with a laugh living in her voice. “It doesn’t really make any difference to me.”

“Okay, well, let’s just get started, then.”

“Aprons first.” She unfolds the two things, one white and navy, and the other black. The black one says Kiss the Cook and Bucky feels a flash of heat at the print. “Which one?”

The white and navy striped apron has a blue pocket with tiny white polka dots, the same pattern frilling the bottom and on the shoulder straps. The black, it’s clearly larger and for a man, and Bucky wonders if these were truly the only aprons she had or if she only bakes with guys she’s interested in. A flicker of jealousy runs through him. How many guys cooked with her before him?

Stop it. Not a date. Bucky shakes his head and shrugs.

“Whatever looks best on you,” he says. “Not that either of them would look bad or anything, but—”

“Thanks, Sarge.” Her eyes crinkle when she smiles big enough and she slips the black apron over her neck before sticking out the white and navy one to him. He stares at the piece of fabric for a moment before slipping his arms through and twisting his arms to tie a tight knot. She does the same and it’s pulled tight against her, Kiss the Chef smack in the middle of her chest.

“So where do we start?” He swallows because he thinks he’s just signed up for more than he bargained for. He looks at all these raw ingredients, ingredients he’s pulled because he thought it might be useful and doesn’t even know where to begin.

“First, we have to decide how many cookies and which type,” she says, pulling over the book and making space for it. She opens it up and his eyes widen at all the tabs poking out, different colours surely meaning different things. It’s an organized mess.

With a piece of scrap paper and a pencil, she writes down the number of required cookies. “Around there,” she says with a swift circle around a number bigger than Bucky had thought. “And these are the cookies we can make that everyone can eat,” she continues, writing a list down one side and then sectioning it off with a line, “these include nuts,” another section, “and these will have icing on them.”

“That’s a lot of planning for the fall equinox, ma’am,” he begins, trying not to sound daunted. She laughs, her eyes darting to his face. Her stare burns into his cheek as she shrugs.

“Hope I’m not scaring you away.”

No. Never. “Maybe a little.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll do the math and teach you a few tricks, and you’ll be a natural. Promise.” He’s surprised by how easily he believes her. As she talks about all the different types of cookies, the textures and ingredients one can use, Bucky finds himself slipping. He lets her scoot closer as she shows him how to sift the dry ingredients.

“Just tap it against your hand like this,” she says and Bucky copies her. She shows him how to prep the pan, and he preheats the oven. They mix the dough with their hands, and Bucky watches as her skilled hands manipulate the oily dough she’s created like it’s second nature. He glances down at his own pile in a glass bowl that doesn’t look too shabby, and almost smiles. “Yours looks really good, Bucky.”

“Thanks.” His eyes stick to the chocolate chips and he pokes it with a half-proud smile. “I had a great teacher.” She laughs again. She’s easy to laugh and smile, and every time she does either of those things, something in him feels like it’s going to burst with light. He wishes he was like that, but at the same time, he feels brighter than he has in days. Maybe it’s something about how she treats him like any other guy, or maybe it’s that she makes him smile more than anyone has in a while.

“Well, this is only batch one and two out of like, twenty billion,” she says as they begin to shape their cookies. Bucky had ripped the parchment paper for their trays and laid them flat and while they roll these balls of chocolate chip cookie dough, he can’t help but listen to her go on and on about things she wants to talk about. Life since the Blip, the recruits, hobbies and childhood memories. He can’t help but give his two cents too, and she tilts her head as she listens, a soft smile on her face.

“You’re a great listener,” she comments as he sets the trays in the oven and closes the door. She sets the timer on her phone and begins to prepare for the next batch.

“It was all I could do for a while,” he says with a shrug. “You get good at stuff you do for a long time.” Her actions slow and she turns to stare at him. He focuses on cleaning up his work space, swallowing down the smell of butter and sugar. “Guess something came out of it,” he adds uncomfortably when the silence grows. He looks beside him, at her, where there is a smear of flour across her cheek, where she merely stands there in silence, and sighs. He’s ruined it. “Sorry.”

“Is that why you hid your hand?” she asks softly and his eyes widen noticeably. “I didn’t want to ask to make you uncomfortable, but I did wonder.” She looks down to make sure she’s measuring enough sugar and she closes her eyes for a moment, clearly cursing herself. Bucky wishes he could say something, but his mouth doesn’t click with his brain. “Forget I even brought it up. I’m sorry, I—”

“I wore it for tonight,” he blurts out and she looks at him, eyebrows furrowed together. “It’s a photostatic veil Banner coded for me and… and I wore it for you.”

“Why? It’s not like I’m afraid of it.”

You should be. “I guess I just wanted to be normal for a night,” he sighs and she stops sifting for a moment to really look at him. Setting down the sieve, she leans on the counter and places the other hand on her hip, waiting for him to explain patiently. “Sam called it a date, and I think it got to my head.”

“Oh,” she breathes. He tears off the photostatic veil carefully, letting the mesh crumple in his hands and she swallows. The air is thick with an emotion neither of them can quite name and Bucky is quite sure she will never want to see him again. God, is this what it’s like to flunk a date? He sets down the mesh on a clean countertop, watching the hologram flicker as he flexes his metal fingers. They gleam in the artificial light and he hides it behind his back, shame pooling in his chest.

“I’m so sorry. I… I didn’t want to make it awkward for you,” he mutters and she reaches to touch his metal wrist tentatively. Kiss the Chef wrinkles against her chest and his gaze falls to the floor. He doesn’t quite know how to describe how utterly disappointed in himself he is when she steps closer, fingers curling over his. No pity in her eyes, she squeezes his palm carefully.

“I don’t want you hiding yourself away,” she murmurs, tilting her head so he is forced to look at her. His eyes stare dejectedly into hers and she smiles, using her other hand to cup his face. Powder dusts against his eyes and he squints. The smell of dough clings to her skin and she smiles fondly at him, fingers stroking his cheek. “I like you just as you are.”

“You like me?” he asks, confused, and she chuckles. “All I’ve done is help you make cookies.”

“‘Course I like you, dork. You’re hot.” A teasing bite in her tone, she taps his nose with her thumb before returning her palm to his cheek. “And I know you didn’t have control of anything in your past, and you’re trying your best, Bucky. That’s all any of us can do, now that we’re back.” Her eyes avert for a moment, and then find his again. There is a gooey softness that reminds him of molten chocolate and snow on Christmas eve. “I really do like you, you know. Have a big ol’ school girl crush on you, to be honest.”

“On me?” Why not anyone else? He’s bewildered. Sam, or that new receptionist on two, or even some other trainer because…

Frankly, Bucky thinks he’s lost all appeal to those who know him since 1945.

She takes his silence as rejection and it shows in the uncertainty that mars her face. Bucky wishes he knew how to articulate that he is insanely attracted to her and how the way she laughs makes his heart believe it can jump mountains, but instead he is stunned into a quiet that fills the kitchen. He only met her a few hours ago. How can he even begin to explain it?

“We have cookies to make,” he says instead, eyes flitting to the open ingredients and he turns his head against her hand. She springs apart from him, cold rushing to fill in the space she’s left behind as she draws her hands towards herself.

“Oh. Yeah, I guess we do.” Her face falls and she grabs the sieve, a wobbly smile built on her lips. “Forget I brought it up, then.” She begins to sift her dry ingredients once again and he mentally groans to himself. Why is he such an idiot?

He mumbles her name softly, and she pauses, turning just so to look at him.

“I like you, too,” he says with a difficulty that shouldn’t be there, because it’s true. “I know I just met you today, but you’ve already made me feel… different, I guess”

“Different?” A tentative, stronger smile begins to curl the corner of her mouth and he nods, his lips twitching upwards. His hand, flesh and warm, settles on her hip all on its own, a fluttering touch that he is completely unsure of as he gently turns her to face him fully. She’s so damn gorgeous with flour on her face and eye bags beneath her eyes that he’s sure she will inevitably make his heart burst. It pounds in his head as he tries to grab at reasons he needs to step away, to stay away, but his heart battles his head ferociously.

I’ll hurt you and I can’t stand the thought. I’ll hurt you or kill you or lose control and you can’t stop me and I don’t want to hurt you ever. His brain screams the words H.Y.D.R.A had thrown at him, the looks handlers had tossed at him flashing in his head—terrified, wild dog, monster.

I want to protect you, I want to love you, you light me up, I can protect you. I won’t hurt you. I’ll be better for you, if you could love someone like me. His heart whispers, louder than the silence. It’s the forties boy in him, the son his mama raised and the brother Rebecca loved, and he can recall the faces he’s adored—Steve, Ma, Becca.

“I don’t know how to explain it,” Bucky murmurs and she hesitantly touches his face. His eyes flutter at her gentle touch and she takes it as an invitation to cup his face once again. “It’s just… you.”

“I’m not special,” she tells him bashfully, words brushing against his lips as he closes his eyes for a moment against her hand. When he opens them once again, he finds her watching, transfixed. There is a new serenity in her eyes, one that tells him she is completely enchanted on something that cannot be him—he is anything but an angel.

“You really are.”

“Now, now, Sergeant Barnes.” Her voice is warm as whiskey and he can get drunk off the sound of her laugh. He can feel her smile just by how her energy shifts and Bucky falls, for the first time in his life; he falls harder than he ever has. “Go on like that and you’ll get anything you want from me.”

“Even permission to kiss the chef?” Bucky’s words, thick and hot, jumble in his mouth. Her nose brushes his, sparks tingling in his veins as her hand trails to cusp the back of his neck.

“That permission will always be granted without question.”

He kisses her softly, hesitance laced through his lips and it is only when she crushes him against her does he bury his hand in his hair and kiss her like she is meant to be kissed: feverently, reverently, forever reminded that Bucky Barnes is lucky enough to be completely in love with her.

Bucky is quite sure Sam is in love with his girlfriend in the fact that he’s in love with the fact that his girlfriend is possibly in love with Bucky. Bucky himself doesn’t think that she could possibly be in love with him, but Sam is more than eager to prove otherwise.

“Sam asked what I’m getting everyone for Christmas.” She’s on the shoulder press, the muscles in her back flexing and waning in a slick sheen of sweat while Bucky completes his set of push-ups.

“He’s thinking too far ahead,” he mutters. “It’s only the start of November.”

“Well, you know him. I think he just wants an opinion on what I’m getting you.” Standing up, she grabs her water bottle, squirting a stream of ice-cold water into her mouth before laying down beside him. “What do you want for Christmas?”

He pauses mid-way up from his two-hundredth push-up. “You don’t need to get me anything, doll.” The nickname is still a bit strange on his tongue but he thinks he can get used to it.

“Yeah, but I wanna get you something.” She juts out her bottom lip in an adorable pout, a telltale sign she wants him to kiss her and he leans on one hand to press a quick kiss onto her lips before resuming his workout. He knows the signs on what she wants fairly easily now. He’s grateful she’s spelt it out so many times for him.

Playing with his fingers means she wants attention, a pout is a kiss, suctioning kisses to the neck means she’s feeling some sorta way and he’s more than happy to oblige that feeling. There’s a long list of little tells that Bucky’s starting to think it’s a whole other language.

“How about cookies?” he deflects and she rolls her eyes, getting up and sucking down some more water.

“I make cookies for everyone. You deserve something special,” she argues and he sighs. “I really want to make our first Christmas special.” He lies down and pushes on his palms, stretching out in a cobra pose while she rolls over into the splits. He pulls back into child’s pose while she leans forward and he’s thankful for the silence.

What do I want? he wonders. What do I want that I don’t have already? His eyes drift to her form only a few centimetres away and he thinks, Nothing.

“I’ve got everything I want right here,” he intones seriously, crawling forward and she turns to him, eyes wide. Sitting upright, she changes legs. “I guess I want nothing to change.”

“Dork,” she mumbles, and a sticky heat pools in his face as she pokes his cheek. He sits down and she offers him his water bottle with a shake. He shakes his head, the argument that his own is only in the locker room. “Come on. Locker room’s too far away from me.” A sweat drop tracks down her jaw and he smiles softly, brushing it away. Legs crossed, he takes it without taking a sip. “Besides, I told you you can take what you want. I don’t mind.”

“Okay,” he says, knowing full well it just doesn’t feel right to take back the hoodies she’s stolen from him. Maybe one by one, he’ll take them back and wear them for at least twenty four hours before giving them back. Then, his scent will stay with her. “What do you want for Christmas, then?”

“I—” Her sentence is cut off by an alert on his phone, one they both know not to ignore and she sighs. There is disappointment, their little bubble popped with a simple text. He sets down her water bottle to get it, gut dropping at the message displayed on his screen. “How long is it?”

“Emergency response in Cairo, I don’t know,” he murmurs. Pocketing his phone, he grabs his towel and rushes back to her. He grabs her face and presses a desperate kiss against her mouth, eyes squeezing shut and she mumbles words he can’t decipher against his grieving lips. Her fingers touch his jaw gently, a reminder that he must go, and he pulls away. “I’ll text you as soon as I can.”

“Stay safe.”

He smiles shakily and promises that he will.

“Barnes. We got a package for you.” Sharon Carter’s voice catches his attention from his sniper post and he blinks away the winter sun from his eyes. No movement still. “Merry Christmas.”

The blonde extends a box towards him, a slight smile curling her lips and he frowns at the stark bleakness of it. Black, and absorbing no light, it feels heavier than he thought it’d be.

“Thanks.” He shifts, his bones clicking as he glances out the tiny slit of a window. There hasn’t been movement for weeks. Crossing his legs, he sets the box before him and a tiny blue hologram pops up from a tiny hole in the center. His eyebrows furrow together as it scans his face and he squints.

“Facial scan complete: Hello, James Buchanan Barnes.”

F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice echoes in his small little perch and he still thinks it’s weird without having the side effect of Stark in his suit chasing after him to hear the A.I. but he shoves that uncomfortable feeling of the dead man out of his head. That is too much regret to unpack right now on a mission.

The box unfolds, the mechanical whir humming in his ears and a waft of sweet sugar rushes into his face as he peers within.

Cookies. Sugar cookies, butter cookies, frosting and crystal sprinkles, gingerbread, snickerdoodle, a note in her writing.

“She requested I ask you to read her note before eating the treats,” F.R.I.D.A.Y. says and Bucky pulls out her note. “She also requested that you stay safe, despite not being home for Christmas.”

Taking the blue cue card, he sighs at the mere sight of her writing. His heart aches much more than he realized and he wonders if she misses him half as much as he misses her.

Buck,

Times may be tough while we’re apart, but absence only makes the heart grow fonder. Stay safe, Sarge, and come back to me.

Merry Christmas. Forever thinking of you.

When he bites into one of those cookies, he melts into the wall he’s leaning to and closes his eyes, just imagining her standing in the kitchen with that Kiss the Chef apron tied tightly around her. The taste brings back memories, and brings him back home to New York, to her. Home, he muses wistfully, home is waiting for me with her laugh and smell and eyes. Home.

Bucky drops his bags as soon as he’s off the quinjet because he spots the dark blur that is his girlfriend in a track pants and a big poofy parka running down the road towards him. He barely gets his arms up in time before she’s flying into his arms and he lets out a grunt, stumbling back as he flings his arms around her waist and holds onto her tightly. Her legs squeeze his waist as she burrows her head into his neck and Sam laughs as he unpacks the equipment.

“Bucky,” she says, pulling back and his arms hold her to him still, gently supporting her back and her bottom. Her hand cups her face and she brushes hair out of his face, tracing a healing cut on his lip. “You’re home.” She embraces him again, thighs tightening as if she’s afraid to see him leave again and he merely closes his eyes, letting the first day of 2024 snow against his skin. “You’re home.”

“I’m home, lover,” he promises, and she laughs, face wet when she steps back onto solid ground again. He opens his eyes to admire her, a vision; a sight for sore eyes from the arms length he holds her at. The snow melts as it lands on her skin but it nestles in her hair, a frame of white for her pretty face that he’s missed far too much. “God, I’m home.”

She laughs, a watery smile surfacing as she leans up to kiss him. They are rapid, wet with emotion and she smiles against his lips, just laughing in relief. “I love you so much,” she whispers and he blinks, drawing back. Her face is the epitome of happiness as he gawks at her and she wipes at her eyes. “You don’t have to say it back, but I just… I love you.” She doesn’t look afraid, only confident in her feelings for him and he scoops her up, his heart bursting with sunlight.

“I love you, too,” he whispers into her ear, embracing her tightly. She lets out a tiny exhale at his strength but hugs him back tightly anyway. What is love if not hugs that barely allow you to breathe and kisses until you’re dizzy? Bucky doesn’t know. “God, I love you.”

Bucky learns a lot dating her.

She hums when she cuts his hair—which she does every so often—and likes to cuddle in her sleep. She bakes for every occasion she can think of and likes to spoil Bucky rotten. Although their jobs often keep them apart during the day, Bucky likes to just watch her in her environment, ordering the recruits around.

She has a different sport she favours for every season. Jogging in the fall, hockey in the winter, tennis in the spring and swimming in the summer. More often than not, she drags a happy Bucky with her to the rec centre and he’s more than happy to participate, whether he shows it or not.

She expresses her feelings through cooking, which Bucky has learnt the hard way. One time, they got into an argument over something stupid—he can’t even remember what started it—and came to the kitchen at 2AM to see her sitting at the kitchen island crying her eyes out and surrounded by baskets of muffins.

“Lover,” he had called out softly, already too loud for the eerie time between midnight and morning. “You’ve got a bit of a muffin problem.”

“I know,” she had replied dejectedly. “I don’t know what to do with all of it, Buck.”

They had donated it to shelters around the city, going on their own from street to street with baskets full of muffins. It becomes ritual, to have days where they bring baked goods and homemade meals to those who need it.

She doesn’t really know how to take care of herself, based on how she treats herself during assessment season, so Bucky has to pick up her slack and feed her more than caffeine. He feeds her diets that are balanced and healthy, and makes meals that he learns in his spare time to share with her while she shouts herself raw at the soldiers.

He remembers her favourite foods and music, and knows just how to put an exhausted girl to bed with makeup and bra off. He remembers to write when he’s gone for too long during missions, and he remembers her birthday, favourite colour, and which show she’s currently obsessing over. He always downloads the seasons to catch up so he understands what she’s talking about.

It’s safe to assume he knows when to propose, hell, he’d been ready the night they first baked together, but he just has to remember to catch her ring size. There’s so much of his mind cluttered with these useless yet utterly adorable facts about her that he can’t bring himself to delete, that it’s always the one thing he forgets to do.

Here is where his friends come in.

They’re all hanging in the lounge on a lazy autumn day. Their one year anniversary is coming up and Bucky and Sam are watching football while she talks to Wanda about potential plans.

“Popcorn,” Sam says without tearing his eyes off the screen, shoving the bowl in their general direction. Bucky grabs it unceremoniously, popping a few into his mouth while she twists in his grip to pass the bowl to Wanda.

“I have cookies cooling, boys,” she warns them and Wanda chuckles. The witch puts the bowl back on the table next to the empty nacho plate while Bucky’s girlfriend decides to curl against him, and his arm around her waist squeezes her close. His hand trails down to her thigh, hoisting her legs up while she peppers kisses on the underside of his jaw.

“I don’t understand anything about this game,” Wanda intones once commercials hit, amused when Sam lets out a shout of disappointment. Beeping from the kitchen, a timer, breaks whatever retort he was prepared to throw back at the Sokovian and Bucky lets out a whine when his girlfriend unwinds from his lap to get up.

“Sorry, babe, but I gotta get them before they get too cold,” she says and Bucky frowns before nodding. He cups the back of her neck, and she kisses him quickly before pulling away and skipping to the kitchen. Wanda immediately crawls into the space on the other side of Bucky on the couch, pulling out her phone while Sam leans over to whisper.

“She sends me pictures all the time,” Wanda begins nefariously and Sam pulls out a strip of paper, a line in pencil across it. As he rolls it up into a ring, Wanda leans over to show Bucky pictures of the girls’ conversation. “She adores all of them, but she cannot decide.”

“And here you go, man.” Sam gives the paper ring to Bucky. “Got it while she was taking a nap.”

“She wants silver rather than gold,” Wanda says.

“And she doesn’t care about a venue.”

“But she likes the idea of a seasonal wedding.”

“Dude, she wants your babies.”

“She wants two or three kids.”

Bucky’s head begins to spin as they continue to bombard him with facts or proof that she actually wants to spend a life with him, and he blinks, staring at the commercials that still flash in his face. Grabbing Wanda’s phone, he focuses on the images that his girlfriend had sent the witch, gorgeous silver rings with diamonds, some with less, some with more, and simply tunes the two out, trying to internally decide what he should buy her. Meanwhile, Sam and Wanda have fallen into some argument about whether or not Bucky’s wedding is going to be a summer or winter wedding, when a new voice pierces the air.

“Who wants cookies?”

Immediately, a hush falls over them. Bucky tears his eyes away from the phone just as Wanda snatches it back just in time for her to appear, striding into the room with the smell of cookies rushing in after her. She sends them an odd glance, and the trio of Avengers merely separate as she sets down the plate. A fresh batch of chocolate chip cookies are stacked ontop of a porcelain plate and Sam lunges forward to grab one while she picks one up delicately and resumes her place on Bucky’s lap.

“What were you three talking about?” she asks, amused, and he takes the cookie with a click of his mechanical arm. She tucks her head underneath his chin while his hand goes back to her thigh and he bites into the cookie.

“Nothing you gotta worry about,” he says. The game starts again and she can’t pipe up to argue without Sam telling them to shut up, so she doesn’t. Instead, she rests her head on his chest and Bucky hopes she doesn’t hear his heart beating like crazy in his chest.

By the tiny smile he can feel against his chest, she can hear it.

Bucky holds the ring in his pocket for four months.

He had bought it the very next day after the football game because if he had let it sit, the nerves would’ve gotten to him, but now, new nerves are causing him to become paranoid: waiting for the perfect moment, scared that she’ll find out.

He thinks the proposal should be grand and all about how much he loves her and how much she’s shown him and loved him and it needs to be perfect. It is anything but that.

“Morning,” she whispers as her eyes flutter open. She’s laying against him in their comfy, toasty bed, and he doesn’t want to move for Christmas festivities except they both have to—a charity breakfast for veterans where Bucky is speaking, then a novice hockey game because his girlfriend just had to teach the cutest little seven year old boys how to utterly destroy their opponents, and then dinner.

He traces shapes along the slope of her back lazily, craning his head to look at him and she smiles dazedly.

“Hey, lover.” He grins easier now, and when his smile splits his face, her own does too. “We’ve got a day ahead of us.”

“A day that’s way too long for Christmas,” she mumbles, closing her eyes and pressing her cheek against his chest. “Convince me to get up.” It’s still dark outside, a blissful 5AM full of snow delicately fluttering outside their window. He wraps a leg around her waist, pulling her close while she dozes and she lets out a contented sigh at his arm draped over her side.

“Don’t want to,” he replies, eyes closing. “Want you to stay right here with me.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Kinda want to stay here forever,” he continues drowsily, eyes fluttering shut and she shakes in his arms with a silent laugh. “Wish everyday could be like this.”

“You wake up earlier, and maybe it could be,” she retorts. Of course the early bird in her is perfect for her morning drills with her recruits, but Bucky prefers to sleep in like the owl he is, and he lets out a snort, kissing her hairline. “Just saying.”

“I’m too busy catching up on your shows.” His arm tightens around her.

“Catching up. Liar. I know you were up at 2 AM this morning binge-watching.” She tilts her head up, eyes opening. A spark lights up her face and a mischievous curl of her lip tells Bucky she’s about to say something that’s going to make him blush. “Just admit you like Gossip Girl and go, babe.”

“Alright, I like it.” Rolling his eyes, he pecks her forehead and she smiles victoriously. It’s so adorable that Bucky, with less than three hours of sleep, adds, “God, I want to marry you.”

“What?”

Oh.

Shit.

Bucky is suddenly more awake than if someone had thrown him into an ice bath. She almost throws herself off of him, sitting up and he follows her with his eyes as she twists to turn on the lights. Golden light paints her a goddess, and her hair is messy atop her head as she stares at him with wide eyes.

Bucky sits up slowly, the blanket pooling around their waists, and she blinks at him as he chews on the inside of his cheek.

“Do you not want to get married?” he asks slowly, almost afraid. Although he’s nearly 100% certain she wants to be with him, a part of him still bites at his stomach with doubt. “Have… have I been looking at this wrong?” He doesn’t tear his eyes away, holding this staring contest as she continues to stare at him, lips slightly parted and he reaches over to touch her hand. “You okay, lover?”

“You wanna marry me?” she asks, and he nods slowly, fire rising in his stomach and crawling up his neck as he makes a mental note never to keep secrets from her because when he’s been running on three hours of sleep, he likes to spill his guts where he feels safe.

“I… I got a ring and everything.” He turns to open the drawer on his nightstand and pulls out the dark navy box, velvet brushing against his sleep-numb fingers. “Wanda and Sam helped, and I was going to make this a big thing, but—” He’s tripping over his words as he pries it open, and he watches as her gaze falls to the silver ring, the exact one from one of the pictures Wanda had shown him—”I know I don’t really deserve you, and god, you deserve better than a proposal at 5 AM but I really do want to marry you.”

“Buck—”

“I love you. I love you so much it’s crazy because I didn’t think anyone could love me, or that I could open my heart to someone like you, and I know you deserve more than this, a better man, but—”

“Bucky—”

“All I’m trying to say is… thank you. For loving me.” His sleep addled brain tries to scramble for more things to say, and he smiles, almost sad but so, so, very much in love. “Thank you for bringing laughter into my life again.”

“Bucky, you fucking dork,” are her first words and he blinks as she lunges into his body. The blankets twist and her warm muscles wrap around him as she peppers kisses all over his face. “You wonderful, wonderful man. I love you so much. I love you, I love you, I love you.” His arm props him up against her body as he holds onto the box and she straddles his waist, twisting to look at the box. Her smile is tender as she takes out the ring and slides it onto her finger and he smiles bashfully when she shows him the fit. He lets the velvet box slip from his hand to cup her waist and he sighs blissfully when she leans to kiss him.

“Remember when I asked what you wanted for Christmas last year?” she murmurs against his lips and he smiles as the cool metal of her new ring trails down his neck to his shoulder. “And you said you wanted nothing to change…”

“I guess I just didn’t want anything more than you,” he whispers fondly and she smiles, eyes closing as she knocks her forehead against his. “But this one change I can handle.”

“Yeah?” She opens her eyes to stare deeply into his and he smiles, a warm curl to his lip.

“Yeah.”

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petersthree · 3 years

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💜 + 911

So there are just. So many things I love about 911 tbh. It’s truly my favorite show ever and I think that - even though, ofc, I always have fear for currently-running shows - I tend to trust the writers on the storylines they do. I’m just gonna list out what I love because it’ll make it easier tbh:

The characters. I think if I had to choose, I think about Chim & Maddie the most when 911 isn’t airing, but when I watch 911? My favorite character is whoever is onscreen. I really appreciate that this is truly an ensemble show and that I don’t ever feel like someone got all the screentime in a season over another main - and honestly? For a show with what, 12 mains, technically? I think they do a great job. There are obviously some mains that are more secondary characters lmaoo (like Chris and Harry) but I think they also show up and aren’t flat characters either, we’re still invested in and care about them.

How they deal with trauma + character development. Though shows have gotten better about this, I still rarely see shows that actually remember the traumas that their characters go through. It feels like shows - esp procedurals - will dump trauma on characters and then forget about it after 2 episodes, or bring it up again 5 years later. This show doesn’t make the characters’ lives about trauma, but it is part of them and they don’t forget about it, but they also let our characters be happy.

Relationships. The relationships are SO good. Whether I’m thinking about romantic ones or familial ones they’re so healthy and communicate well, and characters are allowed to be wrong and have conflicts without being toxic to one another. Plus, the characters have varying relationships with each other - we see Albert with the rest of the Buckley Han family but he’s not exactly friends with say, Hen or Eddie, or we adore Sue but when she’s hit by the car the firefam is only vaguely aware of her but we see just how much it affects the dispatch family. They do a great job with that and it makes the pairups we get fun because of how many characters there are and the world just feels all the more big and real. Plus! Sooo many found families.

Representation. I think honestly, every character is representative in some way? Buck/Maddie with emotionally abusive parents, Maddie being an abuse survivor, all our characters of color (who also have a lot of queer characters!). There’s so much there but their storylines don’t relate to their identities - sometimes it does, if it’s relevant, but there are shows that have rep in order to try and prop up diversity points and this is not that show, and it again makes the show and the characters feel more real.

The writing: This is gonna be my final one because it’s an umbrella thing but honestly. It’s been a while since a show has done things where I see writing choices that I don’t love and/or wouldn’t have done but still respect. Even if I don’t like something or I theorized wrong I can still appreciate what the writers had in mind and can see how that happened in-show. I could write many many paragraphs more tbh but I’ll just leave it here. 911 isn’t a perfect show by any means but I have so much love for it and I think the writers have put so much effort into their characters and so much love for them, and it shines through a lot.

Send me a 💜 + Topic and I’ll tell you what I like about it!

#911 fox #janie gets asks #bukleys

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sepublic · 4 years

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From what I’ve seen from the owl house fandom a lot of people seem to disregard Luz and Camilia’s relationship in favor of Luz and Eda’s relationship. I personally think that’s a shame, as, Luz and her mom clearly have a loving and supportive, albeit the two clearly aren’t on the same page.

Yeah, I feel part of the issue is indeed that Luz is rightfully in favor of people being able to express themselves as individuals, and not having to conform to a certain standard! With Luz in particular, her weirdness and quirks are part of what make her so dang lovable and relatable, she feels like an ACTUAL nerd… So to see someone like her upset at the idea of Reality Camp, and to have that sort of spirit quashed does not gel well with many fans, relatably. Given how Camila expressed interest in Luz being less herself and more ‘fitting in the box’, amidst her calling Luz out on not having real friends –which, OUCH- and it’s not much of a positive impression we’ve had of her.

The fact is, we haven’t gotten to see much of Camila at all; Enchanting Grom Fright was her second appearance, but we only ever saw her speak through text, and when she DID talk it was actually Grometheus playing out Luz’s worst fear of being rejected by Camila. Combined with being distracted by actual queer rep; And it’s not a surprise that with how little we have, having not seen that much good… Well, some people tend to forget her, or even outright vouch for Eda completely replacing Camila.

Which, yikes, because of a certain dilemma called Fandom Racism, which I’m not nearly as well-versed nor literate in as OTHERS on this website… Personally, I’m of the mind that Camila AND Eda should get along as Luz’s mutual mothers, and maybe even marry. I won’t deny it’s a bit uncomfortable to see some people even write Camila as being homophobic, or NB-phobic, which is DEFINITELY going too far.

Obviously, Camila is a bit complicit in Luz’s low self-esteem and wanting to see her become ‘normal’… But it’s pretty obvious with how she affectionately kisses her kid, and texts her by the end of the day, that Camila enjoys Luz? That she wants the best? Like, she’s a single mom who’s working as a nurse, she’s no doubt incredibly busy and wishes she could hang out with her kid more! Coupled with the stress of her occupation, and Luz getting into trouble… It’s like, I’m sure Camila would WANT Luz to be herself; But she also has to keep in mind how the rest of the world would react, and as a loving parent she’s of course afraid of seeing her child being ostracized.

It’s a matter of deciding if you want your kid to be safe, versus letting them grow as a person… In this scenario, does Camila have Luz conform, thus allowing her to fit in and no longer be hurt by ostracization? Or does she permit Luz to be herself, at the cost of being an outcast and becoming alone- And possibly being alone, because what if something happens to Camila? She wants Luz to have friends, after all- Which is a valid concern because she didn’t have friends back home and obviously a solution was needed, although the Reality Check camp isn’t exactly the one Luz needs. And Camila’s already dealing with other adults telling her that Luz needs to be taught conformity.

Camila’s in a thankless position. And while she could stand to be braver and vouching more for her kid, it stands to reason that even if her approach isn’t the best; She DOES love Luz as her child, that she doesn’t dislike Luz and is more concerned with how Luz will be treated in the future than actively thinking of Luz as, like, a freak. I imagine that Camila’s never been too much of a wild kid herself, so she’s completely out of her element here. She’s not perfect, but she’s still GOOD, you know?

I mean, she texts Luz a lot and is clearly excited in keeping in touch with her kid! She alludes to her and Luz often hanging out a place that sells Chimichurri Sandwiches, every day after school! She just looks happy to see Luz’s texts and letters… Like, this is a woman who wants her kid to be happy, and is only trying to change her because she’s afraid she won’t be happy otherwise! Camila isn’t one of the Blight Parents, who sees her child as a symbol of status and reputation, as someone to control and a kid to be actively dissatisfied with for not being good enough. If left to her own devices, if given the resources the Blight Parents have, Camila would fully support Luz; But alas, she’s not privileged. Even then, she still tries.

And it IS concerning that Luz’s worst fear is her mom finding out about the Boiling Isles, and disapproving- But we haven’t really seen anything to indicate that Luz is afraid of Camila, simply her disapproval! She happily texts her back and doesn’t seem uncomfortable around her, just with the situation at hand. Luz clearly doesn’t want to lose her parent’s approval, because she DOES like her parent; And sure, Amity is also afraid of losing her parents’ approval and they’re awful.

But you can’t tell me Camila’s bad if someone like Luz was allowed to come into being underneath her care! She clearly let Luz be who she wanted to be, it’s just as societal pressure increases, she might be afraid that she wasn’t as responsible a parent as she could’ve been. Coupled again with Luz not having friends, and Camila, who’s already got a lot on her mind and is being told things by other adults, is wondering if she’s made a mistake somewhere down the line, and how to amend it.

I think Luz just doesn’t want to feel like she’s hurt someone she loves; She hates hurting people, after all! Sometimes kids feel like their parents’ love is more conditional than it actually is, and while some parents may admittedly have allowed some confusion to fester; By the end of the day, ideally, those fears are irrational, and that those parents will always support their kid! I feel like Luz has associated Camila with her old life back home of being rejected, and having your own mom agree to send you to that summer camp was probably the worst feeling and felt like a betrayal. I think Luz is afraid that maybe Camila is ‘sick’ of her, that even her own mom is tired of Luz’s antics; And back home, Camila was who Luz valued and loved most! Luz just feels like her mother already has so much to deal with and doesn’t want to burden her even more.

So even if Luz has a support network in the Boiling Isles, she still has emotional stakes back in the human world. To her, the human world is where she was rejected and ostracized, and her mother is the last human bastion of acceptance truly connecting her back there… Luz doesn’t want to lose someone she’s been close to for so long, she doesn’t like lying to people in general, and she’s already afraid of losing her mother’s support after getting signed up for summer camp. Plus, she may still feel somewhat beholden to her mother’s authority, under the impression that if Camila says she can’t stay with Eda, she HAS to go; Plus Luz seems intent on going home, so obviously she doesn’t want to get rejected by Camila there.

I’m not sure if Luz has genuinely considered the possibility of staying on the Boiling Isles for the rest of her life… It’d be a really complicated issue, amidst all of her thoughts about her mother, her genuine love, the inevitable connection between a parent and their child… Honestly, give both Camila AND Luz a break, I say! Sure, Eda and Luz definitely have a better relationship, as-is... But that doesn’t mean Luz’s relationship with Camila is non-existent, bad, nor does it mean it can’t improve in the future!

(Personally I’d love to see Eda and Camila get together, for obvious reasons… I can see Eda helping teach Camila to be braver for her own kid’s behalf, and make a point about how much happier Luz is as a ‘weirdo’ than she is as somebody who has to conform. Plus I think Camila is also a milf, there I said it.)

#the owl house #owl house #the owl house camila #camila noceda #the owl house luz #luz noceda #ask

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sunflowerdigs · 4 years

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I get the frustration with Forlex and with Miluca. Because what's the point of cosmic soulmates if we never get to experience them? Tbh, I'm somewhat baffled by the people who now want an entire season of Malex pining. There are...not many shows currently on with diverse, adult queer rep where the actors have the chemistry of Malex. And where the poc isn't just a character brought on to be the perfect man for the white guy but is a character in his own right.

That said...these two relationships do have a function in the story (or at least Miluca did). There are two breakups in the finale, Echo and Miluca. And they don't happen for the same reason, but I do think they are connected.

Liz's reasons for doing unethical work in her lab are just excuses. In her heart, Liz knows that the rigorous process for testing new treatments is there for a reason - as the flashback showed, she was initially against Gynotech because they seemed to take shortcuts in their research. She has never been frustrated by the process, just by the fact that she could never secure grant money to get very far into said process. What changed for her, though, was Max dying and then her work bringing him back to life.

Liz has lost a lot of people in her life. But she seems to pride herself in being able to pick herself up and keep on pursuing her ambitions. But when she lost Max, suddenly she lost the part of herself that could do that, and that scared the everliving shit out of her. So she clung to the one thing she knew and she got lucky, so now she's using that thing to run away and put distance between herself and Max. Because she's scared of being so connected to someone that she stops being a whole person without them (fair).

But guess who just learned, through a failed relationship, that running away doesn't work?

Liz and Michael's plotlines have always...idk of it's really mirroring because they kind of oppose each other? As Liz flies, Michael falls, and vice versa. Liz came back first season and gave in to her feelings for Max; Michael got Alex back first season but ultimately ran away from his feelings. In second season, Liz was with the person she was meant to be with, Michael was not (fun note: the heart worked at first, the pacemaker didn't). Now, in third season, Liz is running away from herself and from her person as Michael is finally starting to find himself and run towards his person.

Anyway, the point of Miluca was to show Michael that, ultimately, he can't run away from who he is (and, in turn, Alex). Alex and Michael are kind of working backwards in relation to Max and Liz, I think. They're doing the hard work up front so that once they're together, they're just...together, no falling apart again. Michael and Liz got an extended honeymoon period, so the hard work starts for them now.

So in order to understand Miluca, I think it's worthwhile to look at what Liz is doing now. Liz is running from the overwhelming strength of her feelings, and that was what Michael was doing, too. Liz thinks that if she runs towards what she knows, she'll be safe. So did Michael - he got with someone who had only ever known the Michael who didn't have any dreams, got drunk, fought, and ended up in the drunk tank, so that he would never be forced to leave that particular comfort zone. Liz isn't being willfully destructive, and neither was Michael. Quite the opposite, they both think/thought they're moving towards some kind of clarity (ugh, verb tenses). But ultimately, much like Liz isn't really considering the possible consequences of her actions because she needs so badly to act, Michael had a hard time actually listening to what Maria wanted because he needed Maria to be this very specific thing (safe, uncomplicated). And, ultimately...she wasn't. And ultimately, she knew that he was trying to escape from something by being with her. And Michael really learned the futility of running away.

I will say, Miluca could have been great if there had been any time for character development in s2. We could have seen Michael really, really trying and Maria being kind of mystified by it. And we could have seen Maria not initially intending to get into anything deep with Michael (he's..Michael, after all) but ultimately giving in because he's so attentive. We could have seen that attentiveness gradually turn sour and become controlling behavior, because Michael's reason for being attentive is to keep his demons out rather than protect Maria. We could have seen Maria start hiding the use of her powers from him, taking off the bracelet when he's not there and putting it on when he is. There was...a lot of potential there.

Anyway, that's kind of my thoughts. While reading it...keep in mind that you can twist almost anything in media to suit a narrative you want, so. Don't take this as gospel or anything. It's just an interpretation - I may have a completely different one tomorrow.

(Ah, right, and Forlex, the point of Forlex is...to give Alex some actual happy dating experience to boost his confidence? On a really basic level, both Alex and Michael need to know what's out there in order to realize how unique their connection is. In some senses, yes, they could have dated Forrest and Maria at the same time. But since Alex was already "ahead" of Michael in his journey of self-rediscovery and Forrest is meant to propel him further forward on that journey (while Maria was meant to...not take Michael backwards, just show him the danger of standing still), Alex would have ended up leagues ahead of Michael instead of just a few miles (meters, really), and we would be going into S3 with a Michael who has just realized he has a lot of work to do and an Alex who has done all of his work and is just...now about to have to wait a really long time. It kind of sucks, but I also think this is why there's going to be so much time between s2 and s3. So that a lot of Alex's work with Forrest can happen off-screen, as can the boring parts of Michael trying to pick himself back up and live again (enrolling in school again, studying, making flashcards with Sanders, chucking those flashcards into the firepit when he gets frustrated, digging out their ashes in regret 5 minutes later, that kind of thing).

#malex #rnm spoilers #rnm speculation #look who learned to cut

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itsclydebitches · 4 years

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I have a serious question about RWBY. Do you think it's bad writing? Writers with different priorities for the story? Or malicious writing? The racism angle was never done well. Ozpin was treated terribly by the other characters/the story itself. The Ironwood/ptsd/militarization angle is appalling. Queer rep - bad. The RWBYJNR squad is increasingly closed off and unable to work with outsiders. There's heavy topics here. And they're never handled well. Do you think it's bad writing, or malicious?

If we stick to these specific terms - bad vs. malicious - I think the primary difference between them is that “malicious” carries intent. It’s the intent to do harm with your writing rather than your writing unexpectedly harming others in ways you honestly didn’t predict. (Which doesn’t necessarily remove culpability, it’s just another aspect to consider.) It’s the difference between the author who, say, deliberately incorporates homophobic rhetoric into their story in an effort to circulate those messages and the author who perpetuates that rhetoric out of ignorance. The difference isn’t just one of intent but also potential. The homophobic author - while not impossible to educate - is, as said, coming from a place of malice. The ignorant author presumably is not and thus has the opportunity to improve. The question becomes, will they? Will they listen to their viewers and respond to the criticism in a productive, respectful manner? Once they can no longer claim ignorance - “Shit we thought we were writing a complex racial allegory but I get now how that... didn’t work. We’re sorry and will work to do better in the future” - will that have an impact on the work moving forward? If it doesn’t, if he author chooses to bury their head in the sand and insist loudly that they’ve never made a single mistake? Then the writing can become malicious. They’re now supporting/perpetuating those issues knowing full well the damage it’s causing.

RWBY is... complicated lol. Honestly I’m not sure and that largely stems from ignorance of my own: I don’t know a whole lot about our RT writers. I’m not particularly interested in them as celebrities. I don’t enjoy watching RWBY interviews. Most of the time when I analyze shows I recognize the need for any context the author is willing to provide (death of the author aside) but in RWBY’s case there’s such a glaring disconnect between what I’ve heard them say about their show and what they’re actually writing that I find it frustrating to engage with that too much. Thus, I don’t know as much about their intentions as I perhaps should. Nor do I know as much about how RWBY may have improved prior to when I started watching it (right after Volume 3). In order to label RWBY as “malicious” I’d want to know the authors a bit better, hear their take, follow their responses to criticism, and the like. Especially in regards to topics like race and militarism which, on their own, are subjects I’m not nearly as educated on as I am queer studies.

My general sense though? I think it may be becoming malicious. A bit. Not as much as many other writers, but not heading in a good direction either. Over the course of my time watching RWBY I had worked under the feeling (assumption really) that this was a case of ignorance. These were comedy/parody writers who chucked themselves into writing a “deep” story and didn’t have a clue what they were doing, resulting in a whole slew of (very damaging) mistakes. Bad writing, but not necessarily malicious writing. Now though, seven years later, it gets harder to defend them when the issues you bring up are getting worse rather than better and they’re issues we’ve either had since Volume 1 (race) or have tackled for a good three years. More than that, there are a few specific instances lately that have read as more malicious than ignorant to me. The most prominent of which is the animation/promotion of Clover and Qrow. You’d have to be ignorant to a pretty absurd degree to not realize, in 2020, what egging on a potentially queer ship when you know one party will die is going to do to your fanbase. Unlike Ilia (a complex situation wherein there’s a strong defense that there’s nothing inherently wrong with writing a queer antagonist and RT really was ignorant of the things this would imply), the Clover-Qrow situation felt more deliberate. The fact that RT is handling so many of these sensitive issues so badly and doubling down on their decisions rather than fixing them is beginning to feel deliberate. And what feels deliberate then feels malicious.

So do I think the majority of RWBY’s problems were originally written out of ignorance? Yes. Do I think RT is now powerful enough that they’re happy to shrug off a lot of criticism rather than respectfully engaging with it? Yes. Is this then potentially leading RWBY into malicious writing if the writers have had every chance across seven years to educate themselves and have chosen not to? Yes. Do I think RWBY is a perfect example of malicious writing that should be set aflame when we’ve got other authors out there - coughJKRcough - spewing truly heinous views with no subjectivity attached (because yes, RWBY is very subjective in some respects)? No. The category of “malicious writings” is itself a very large spectrum and, even if we chuck RWBY into said category, I still think it’s on the shallow end of things. Whether it stays there we’ll have to see.

#rwby #rwde #mymetas #Anonymous

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neongreengummiebears · 4 years

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Thoughts on Isaac and Representation

I don’t have a point- let me just say that now. This also stands to be perhaps my most controversial post, but that’s a risk I’m willing to take in order to get my thoughts out. This will be long and rambling. You have been warned.

With the release of Sex Education Season 2, fans have been introduced to a character named Isaac, to mixed response. He is Maeve’s new neighbor, a barrier to her relationship with Otis and potentially a new love interest.

It’s not unusual to introduce a new love interest into a show to prolong the drama and keep the tension will-they-won’t-they romance alive. In season one we Otis in love with Maeve, thwarted by the fact that Maeve was dating Jackson, and that Otis never really believed that Maeve could like him anyway. Resigned with this fact, Otis attempted to move on with Ola who had appeared conviniently around the time that Maeve had realized her feelings for Otis and ended her own relationship. It was all very ships in the night.

In season two we get a sort of role reversal: This time it’s Otis in the relationship and Maeve left pining, thinking that he could never love her. It makes sense that this would be the time to introduce a new love interest for Maeve, sort of HER Ola, if you will. The difference here is that Ola is sweet and wonderful and Isaac is sketchy AF.

I hate him, and I’ve made no secret of hating him, because personally I find him sketchy and manipulative. There are other fans who like them though and ship the two of them. That’s fine; it’s a perfectly valid opinion, and shipping wars have been around as long as fandom. That’s nothing new. There is another issue though...

Isaac is in a wheelchair.

While that isn’t necessarily a problem in GENERAL, it is something that effects the way his character is handeled, as well as viewer interpretation. It’s my experience that in media, certain characters are usually gifted a sort of “plot armor.” While that term is most commonly directed towards characters who play too pivotal a role in the story to be written off, I find it often also applies to characters who fit into the role of “representation.”

But wait, you might say, that doesn’t sound right. POC and queer characters get killed off all the time. It’s practically a horror movie trope, and “Kill your gays” didn’t come from nowhere. To which I would reply: Exactly. We have all seen it a million times, have raised it as an issue, and I would like to think that as a society we are attempting to move past it. That gay characters are less likely to die because of the attention brought to the “kill your gays” trope.

It’s my understanding that these common minority tropes originally stem from their initial introduction into media. At first they didn’t have any representation at all, and then gradually they were allowed to be incorporated in media in small ways that didn’t offend anyone’s delicate sensibilities. A very famous example would be the inclusion of African Americans: At first they weren’t in movies at all. Then they were(sort of?) but they were represented by white actors in blackface. Then when black actors were allowed to play their own roles, those roles were harmful stereotypes; You wouldn’t get a black actor playing a heroic lead, but he would be the brutish savage, or the “mammy” character. They were either relegated to minor side charactes, comic relief, or the villain- roles that didn’t challange the views of society.

There was a similar experience in regards to homosexuality in films, where once gay characters started appearing they were portrayed as sexless comic relief or villinous. The general idea behind it seemed to be that there could be homosexuality in films, but it had to be shows as wrong and corrupt, or destined to end in tragedy. After all, how could anybody in such a relationship possibly be happy? Ridiculous.

While media (and society) are still making strides towards diversity and inclusivity, you can’t say that media isn’t in a better place now than it was even ten or twenty years ago. I was born in the 90′s and the amount of difference I see even in the twenty-seven years I’ve been alive is actually a little astounding. I can’t even imagine the difference for people who are older than I. Even just since I graduated highschool (2010) I’ve seen such a huge difference in regards to representation across the board and while we still have a ways to go we are certainly far from where we started.

But what does any of this have to do with Isaac? He isn’t a POC, he isn’t in any way queer. No, but he is disabled which is another sort of representation and one that doesn’t get as much publicity. As such it is admittedly one that I don’t know as much about, but If I had to guess it’s probably because theres never (to my knowledge) been a big court case about whether or not disabled people deserve rights. It’s never been a hot button issue in a political debate the way that race politics or gay rights have and so I feel like it hasn’t gotten as much attention. Still disability representation is still a topic that comes up in conversation when discussing media.

So what does that have to do with anything? Why was I talking about plot armor? I had a reason, I promise. I’ve found that due to the problematic history of representation, shows (at least the socially aware ones) have been taking strides to try to avoid falling into the same harmful patterns as their predecessors. Since there was a long history of POC characters being cast as villains, evil characters to be defeated by the white protagonists, there was a stretch of time there where you wouldn’t see a single POC villain at all. It wasn’t quite true equality, but it was an effort to combat the harmful stereotypes that the media had perpetuated for so long.

Eventually we got to a place where it was generally acknowledged that you could have a POC villain as long as they weren’t the ONLY POC in your entire movie. The same goes for people of various gender and sexual identies. You can have a gay antagonist, but it’s impportant to include other gay people who ARENT evil to show that it’s the character that is evil, indepent of his sexuality. This isn’t seen as often however, probably due to the relative novelty of the inclusion of queer characters, which is why my examples for these points are POC characters who have a comparitively longer history of inclusion. That’s not to say that the history has always been positive, just that queer inclusion is a newer development and active disability rep seems even more recent.

I apologize if I’m phrsasing any of this poorly, but I’m hoping that you’re tracking the main points. Now. I repeat: What does ANY of this have to do with Isaac?

Isaac is, as of now, the only disabled character in Sex Education. As such, I feel like it’s kind of expected for him to be given “plot armor”, not in regards to being killed off but in his depiction. As the show’s only example of disabled representation, as well as his introduction as a love interest for Maeve, I feel like the expectation is that he would be a protagonist. At the very least he would be a good guy. And maybe some people think he is? I don’t know, he has his fans, but I’m not one of them.

This is the part of my post where I stop having a point and just start listing my thoughts.

When I met Isaac I expected to like him and I wonder how much of that stemmed from the fact that he was in a wheelchair and as such I expected that the show wouldn’t possibly portray him in a negative light. Even when he was rude to Maeve in the beginning I was willing to forgive it- I don’t mind my characters being prickly and Lord knows no other character on this show is perfect. And he was handsome, and snarky, which are usually traits that I love and I really REALLY expected to love him. However as the show progressed he just gave me bad vibes. I find him manipulative and untrustworthy.

I’m not going to go into my feelings about Isaac because I’ve already made one very long post duscussing his character, but instead I’d like to discuss his role in the show and how his disability factors into that role.

As I said before, it makes sense that this season would introduce a new love interest for Maeve. It’s not a terribly uncommon formula in shows like these. Considering that Maeve is considered the “bad girl” (even though we all know she’s a cinnamon role that just deserves ALL the love) who has self esteem issues and an inaccurate view of herself, I was honestly surprised that the show gave her such a cute, healthy relationship with Jackson. Were they perfect for each other? I don’t personally think so, but there wasn’t anything inherently problematic in their relationship. Jackson is a legitimately nice guy, I wish him the best and he was a pretty good boyfriend.

It wouldn’t be unheard of though to see her fall into a more toxic relationship, and while that’s a very strong term that even I am hesitant to use toward Isaac at this point, it does look as if the groundwork might be there for that kind of subplot. It could really go either way at this point- maybe Isaac’s actions are influenced by his own personal insecurity and he would be much nicer once they were in a relationship. Or maybe he would be scared of losing her and things would get worse. It’s not just the fact that he deleted her message in the last episode, but that he’s seemed very manipulative throughout the entire season.

It seems to me that Isaac fits the stereotype of the abusive boyfriend- He’s handsome and charming, but also very skilled at manipulation. If you watch their relationship, it also falls into a lot of the same patterns as romantic comedies. That’s not meant as a compliment however, a lot of romantic comedy relationships are built on very questionable foundations. The leading men do a variety of unethical things, but are forgiven on behalf of being handsome and funny and those actions are forgiven and even romanticized for the sake of the love story. This also reminds me of Maeve and Isaac. How often does he push himself uninvited into her life? How often does he managed to get out of facing the consequences of his actions?

It’s a fairly common trope tbh, and the only thing that isn’t common is that he’s also physically disabled. Which honestly lead me to doubt whether or not he was being sketchy or not. Like, could I be wrong? I eventually concluded that I don’t think I was, but it leads me to consider the fact of his disability on viewer perception.

Are viewers more likely to forgive his behavior because his wheelchair paints him in a more sympathetic light? That isn’t to say that everyone who likes him only does so because of the wheelchair - I’m sure some people just legitimately like him- but I wonder how many do? And why? Is it because you feel bad for the character? Or is it because, as our only disabled character, we are programmed to view him as a protagonist? Is his disability part of an effort to be more inclusive, or to subtly subvert our expectations regarding his character? Neither? Both?

If he is indeed going to be an antagonist then that raises further questions in regards to Isaac as disability representation. On the one hand, it’s not like being in a wheelchair automatically makes someone a good person- as with any other demographic of people there are going to be nice guys and assholes.

Is it better that they’re treating him like they would anyone else? Like, he’s just a regular guy who happens to be in a wheelchair, and the guy that he is, is prone to questionable behavior. Is it better that they’re treating him the same as they would any other able bodied character in this role? Or, as their only depiction of a disabled character, should they be portraying him in a more positive light? I personally find him to be very manipulative, and often he uses his disability as a part of his manipulation. Is that just an example of Isaac being opportunistic and using the resources available to him, or is it indicitive of a larger problem with his depiction?

Have physically disabled people faced the same issues in media as other groups, in that their depictions were historically negative? I’m going to be honest with you here, that’s not a question I know the answer to. I haven’t seen them largely portrayed as villains, but that doesn’t mean that it hasn’t happened.

I don’t know the answer to any of these questions, and I won’t until I see where season 3 plans on taking this, but these are the thoughts that have been circling my mind since I finished season 2. Do you agree? Disagree? Did any of this even make sense?

#sex education #isaac #maeve #sex education season 2 #sex education spoilers

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incarnateirony · 4 years

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i think destiel has been intentionally written in starting around like season 8 and getting more overt as time goes on, but a part of me still cant accept it unless its explicit. in these kinds of situations, with Any show or media, i always feel like im on the verge of being tricked or told that i Was just making it all up. i know queer media had always lived in subtext and ambiguity and that history is important, but is it so much to want a kiss? even a handhold? (1/2)

i dont have any goalposts for canon and d/c are definitely canon in some sense but im honestly feeling a little hurt that we get a het kiss after barely any buildup (not a slight i love saileen lol) and im expected to stay satisfied with no actual touch for the gay ship. im just So tired of having to dig around in subtext. i just want them to be allowed to touch each other. ill be happy with an ambiguous ending but the way I love is not ambiguous and im tired of it being seen that way (2/2)

No, it’s absolutely not too much to want those things. We all want those things. I want those things. The difference is making sure you don’t stampede over the other valid canon content, created by queer people, for queer people, in your pursuit of those things. This fandom has a terrible habit of trying to invalidate the representation people are already resonating with because their personal validation of the presentation, form, or delivery they want hasn’t happened, regardless of the efforts around it or the cause-and-effect, or even if they’re teh actual target represented demographic (in this case middle aged LGBT male) and that’s the problem I’m always addressing.

This also isn’t just a het thing, recently someone – I think it was @thecoffeebrain-blog – pointed out a list of situations even in het where the secondary, less important pairing got a kiss and the primary, central pairing didn’t, but instead got a wide exposition of their feelings, which the other pairing only got by borrowing words and sealing the rest silently in a kiss. Sound familiar?

It’s definitely fair to want more of those explicit moments. But at some point this fandom signed on to the idea that explicit is the only form of valid, and it does great damage to our representation and media discussion over time.

This fandom’s obsession with “kiss pics or it didn’t happen” or choking down the ways to express love not only specifically to “I love you” but specifically like “I love you. Like, you and only you. Just you. And in a gay way. Specifically.” as character dialogue to “textualize” it “so nobody can ever argue” while flushing all the other texts is purely birthed by this stupid competitive ship conversation when there’s minor league teams wanting to play against the Red Sox. And, quite frankly, it’s FUCKING toxic.

We can get mad at the unlevel playing field. That doesn’t remove the value of the existing canon content though. We can and should be mad that corporate is even an issue. That’s WHY THERE IS A REP FIGHT THOUGH. So yes. Go be mad at corporations. Don’t stomp over what activists are currently giving you. No amount of “BUT WE DESERVE” changes that. Yes, we fucking do. Again, THAT IS WHY THERE IS A FIGHT. It’s called a FIGHT. Not a twitter trend. Not tumblr stanitis. It’s a fucking fight that long predates this show and will continue long after it. But the content made by gays, for gays, still remains. We’re living in Trump’s America right now, don’t sit there selling yourself that this should be an “easy choice” for the market. Markets don’t work on ethics, not really. They’ll virtue signal, but that’s what it is to get your money. It’s always about the money.

Since when do we get what we deserve? So maybe we can’t kill or cage corporate god, but we can find another way. We can subvert it. And hell, maybe with a perfect roll of the dice in this whole WB Merger Collapse/CEO void we really will be able to address that Lucky Elephant spinning in the room overseeing the cast down officiation of a sacred marriage ceremony for the mark but HEY sure.

Welcome to the circus. We’re all clowns, grab some spare shoes, the ringmaster is writing the show, we’ll just see if dumbo gets to fly.

I get wanting more. I, like you, want more. That’s natural in any story, whether about gay shit or rights or… just personal flavors of story. Just make sure that completely manufactured competitive dialogue hasn’t stripped you of your ability to enjoy the content.

Anyway here’s to clowning forward.

youtube

For the record, any cussing isn’t @ you, Nonnie, it’s just at frustration at the toxic bullshit that has been allowed to fester in this fandom hidden in masks of activism or socially conscious dialogue, thoroughly misappropriated and designed to pit intersectional marginalized group points against each other for benefit (eg pretending Eileen is “just a plaything” for Sam now, rather than a full character who just happens to be with Sam, or that it’s anti-feminist to connect Rowena to a mother arc despite all her textualized grief over Crowley). It’s gone on and been welcomed and even encouraged as “opinion”, inserting outright phobic dialogues and trying to pit marginalized groups against each other through the veil of “just fiction” that at some point years ago people lost sight of what and where the rep battle started in this show much less any actual LGBT media history understanding.

90% of this fandom yelling about representation couldn’t tell you shit beyond google-fu about the Hayes Codes’ impact or the impact of the AIDS epidemic or anything else and yet here we fucking are with them fursuiting activism and attacking a queer author en route. Hell, most of them couldn’t tell you the history of Gay Rage in this show beyond a few key markers because they just picked up and ran with the Rage Torch and then refused to read up on the full spread of events.

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sapphicfilmfestival · 4 years

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LOVE, SIMON

directed by greg berlanti, twenty-eighteen

recommendation? yeah, it’s a cheesy romcom

mark — 71 / 100

LOVE, SIMON DEFINITELY HAS more issues then the previous films I have reviewed. It has something that I like to call “straighten out” which is putting a heteronormative narratives and/ or thropes on an queer couple.

An example is in the Notebook. He hangs of the ferris wheel until she agrees to go on a date with him. That’s extremely creepy and manipulative and people would have pointed that if he didn’t look the way he does... pretty privilege, I guess.

Either way, in that story there is no big reason that they can’t go out. There is some issues with how much money they each have [ or don’t have ] but there is no big issues with them getting together per se.

In Love, Simon, Blue, stops talking to Simon because he does not want to be outed. He makes it clear that he isn’t ready for the world to know who he is. Yet.

And what does Simon do? Ride a ferris wheel until he shows up. In the meanwhile a crowd has accompanied his friends as the watch him blow his money on tickets for the mysterious Blue to show up.

I’m sorry but WHAT?

He said he did was not comfortable with being outed, and now your big gesture is suppose to do what exactly? If you answer was; manipulate Blue into feeling like he has to show up because otherwise he will be that guy who left you — Simon — hanging while the entire school watched if he — Blue — ever does decide to come out, or someone puts everything together?

Then you are absolutely right.

Yeah, not cute, Simon. With that being said the book handeled it differently, which makes it that much more frustrating. The book did it perfectly. They met in private because of a small piece of paper with Blue his number on it. It was the perfect way.

Another issue I have with Love, Simon is the praise that it gets for portraying an interacial couple on the big screen while that couple has less then ten minutes of screen time together... I know that the film didn’t do this but the fans.

Truly I am happy that they made white characters, poc in the film. But I would have rather they have had given credit for Nick then for Bram, whom barey got any screen time.

Either way, giving much credit for having diversity in your films/ books should generally calm down. I have done this, and catch myself still praising people for having a diverse cast of characters. Might that be because of the lgbtia+ rep, having poc, or disabled people in it’s story.

This might sound a little negative but when I think about it, the same wuestion pops up; why should I praise someone for making an accurate world view?

You — as the author, director, maker — created this world and made everyone white. And now you decide to put some flavour into it, and I should praise you for it? No, thank you.

With all that being said I did like the film. It was my comfort film for a good while. Any time I felt down I got some Oreo’s, milk, put Love, Simon on and felt a lot lighter then I did before.

We also deserve cheesy romcoms that don’t really make sense, and don’t have to make sense. Other then; they make us feel good, hopeful, and give us a good cry.

Even, so, I needed to point out it’s mistakes as they can’t be ignored <3

mark

— I have ten criterias, adding them up I got a my chart gave me 71/ 100. Which is not the what I expected but it is what it is, I guess, it scored a 10 in enjoyability <3

links

— If you liked this you might like The Half Of It

— You can find more reviews here and the billboard charts here!

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koryuoftheriverflow · 5 years

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Cap’s always been a gay icon. I wish Endgame had remembered that.

After the movie I couldn’t help but feel betrayed by that ending, for various reasons: chief among them was the blatant disregard for the subtext present in the 3 cap movies.

Cap’s character has been interpreted as bisexual for a very long time now (first in the comics and then in the MCU), and for a reason.

We all knew nothing was gonna happen between Steve and Bucky, but we also didn’t suspect that we were going to be given a healty dose of no homo. Because that’s ultimately what poor Peggy was reduced to.

I can only assume it was done to put the nail in the gay coffin once and for all, after the debate that happened in the last couple of years about Steve’s relationship with Bucky in the movies and also in the comics. We all remember the reviews after The Winter Soldier and Civil War, the #givecapaboyfriend thing on twitter and the 180 Marvel pulled on Planet Hulk, going as far as to change an actual panel because Steve and Bucky were holding hands in victory in it. Like, the straights are wild.

So, I wasn’t expecting much from the announcement that we were getting a gay character in Endgame: I already suspected they were going to be minor. But, in light of that ending, I think Joe Russo’s character was only there to avoid accusations of homophobia. And it’s honestly disheartening because that scene could have been great!

Let me explain.

Again, I’m not delusional enough to believe that they would make Steve canonically bisexual: I know the world we live in and the company that owns the MCU. But! Captain America has been a gay icon for decades and it would have been nice to see him at least show support, or acknowledge in some way that he understood the man’s struggle.

I say this, because everytime gay rep is brought up in relation to Cap, I remember one of my favourite issues from the comics.

In Volume 1 #296, Cap is trying to save his childhood friend Arnie Roth (MCU!Bucky is a mix of the Bucky from the comics and Arnie, in this regard) who’s been kidnapped by Baron Zemo and Mother Superior. In a previous issue Arnie’s boyfriend Michael had been abducted as well.

Cap goes to the rescue!

When Cap finds Arnie, he is under some kind of mind control and gives a speech about how being gay is something shameful; he says that the nazis were right to lock them away in the camps and that their love isn’t real and natural. He then accuses Steve of being homosexual as well. Why would he still be his friend otherwise? At this point, Arnie manages to overcome the brainwashing (I wonder who else fought being mind controlled for Steve...)

Cap finally breaks down the barrier put in place by Zemo and Mother Superior to stop him from rescuing his friend. Arnie is drained and collapses in front of him.

Now here comes my favourite part.

Captain America gently cradles his friend in his arms and tells him that his love for Michael is pure and exactly the same as his love for Bernie (Cap’s girlfriend at the time). It is the people who don’t accept him the ones who should be ashamed. Steve’s mind then goes immediately to Bucky who, like Michael (unfortunately dead) is another victim in his “private little war”. It’s not explicitly spelled out, obviously, but it’s very telling that Cap, who’s been accused in the previous panel of being “one of us” immediately thinks about his long lost friend in relation to a gay couple. Just saying...

Now, shipping goggles aside, I think it is very interesting that Cap defines homophobes as a disease. The choice of words isn’t casual at all.

This issue is from August 1984. Let that sink in.

We’re in the middle of the AIDS epidemic, at a time when Reagan was happy to let the gay community die and this disease was still called GRID. And yet! Captain America, symbol of the nation, was fighting tooth and nail to save his openly gay friend from the clutches of Nazi monsters who didn’t accept him or his love for another man.

Steve not only defends his friend, but draws a perfect parallel between Arnie’s gay relationship with Michael and his love story with a woman, effectively equating these two types of bond, no differences at all between the two.

So you understand now why I am genuinly upset that in the year of our Lord 2019 we got this sorry excuse of representation, and a regression of Steve’s character that ignores all the subtext built up in his 3 solo movies for the sake of a heterosexual relationship that was over before even starting.

When a comic book from 35 years ago, from what has been one of the darkest moments in queer history, treats the gay community with a compassion and respect that are totally lacking in a movie filmed in the allegedly modern days of meaningful representation, well... you know that something’s rotten.

#endgame spoilers #endgame #a4 spoilers #stucky #captain america #comics #forever bitter about this #my stuff #meta #marvel meta #marvel #bucky barnes #arnie roth #cap and politics #bi!steve

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vaguely-concerned · 5 years

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Temeraire let’s read: Crucible of Gold AHOY!

- lol I’m glad hammond is back, he is phenomenally funny. I do love me a bureaucrat character who won’t let trifling things like dignity, morality, politeness or common sense get in the way of their job

- it is a CRIME that Tharkay had to leave before he got to see Laurence all sun-bronzed and casually dressed and golden haired and relaxed, I wish to petition the universe itself on his behalf to correct this injustice

- hahaha shen li is the best; a buddhist dragon would be the greatest party pooper among her own kind

shen li, serenely: attachment to material things can only bring suffering

literally every other dragon, dripping bling from every available surface: um actually

- . . . without the clinging stink of murder and treachery which seemed to have by slow octopoid measures attached itself to his life. laurence I understand where you’re coming from on this but you have served colonial britain since you were like twelve. this has been an extremely slow process of waking up to smelling dem roses (fatherhood changes your perspective on your life situation I guess)

- awwwwww laurence finally studying some more chinese while temeraire helps him... no no this is just rain on my face yes I know I’m indoors it’s just me and lady allendale sitting here with our arms around each other crying about our boy reading poetry of his own freeish will

- oooh I really like how novik writes the way hammond talks -- it can be hard to write a character who constantly breaks up their own dialogue and interrupts themselves and continually couches their words without it being hard to read and annoying, but she really nails communicating that he’s a) completely graceless and with no dignity but also undeniably intelligent, b) definitely a Diplomat but not a total weasel, if only by a hair, c) hilarious

- pour one out for laurence’s civilian beard with me guys, gone too soon and dearly missed (and again tharkay didn’t even get to see it! this continues to be the greatest tragedy of these books let’s hope he grows it out again later when they’re all settled down.)

- . . . These were distinguished from the others mainly for their having had less time in their careers to demonstrate a lack of initiative or skill, so he could have some small hope of uncovering some previously hidden talent. OH MY GOD LAURENCE the straight up savagery

- DAD!LAURENCE!!! DAD!LAURENCE!!!!!!! (aaah it’s so interesting that when he gets a bit more stern you can definitely see sides of his father peeking out, but he deeply remains his mother’s son -- he’s acting from a place of affection, feeling of responsibility and concern for their futures, not the weird controlling shit lord allendale routinely pulls)

roland is such a teenager at this point oh my god. also laurence’s whole speech to demane about respecting her boundaries and agency... *chef kiss emoji* and ALSO demane is so sympathetic in this still because who HASN’T wanted to dangle some asshole over a cliff for being a creep to your friend/crush... they’re all good and perfect and I love them actually

- ...I’ve managed to put it out of my mind in the last few books but with the allegiance going down like that I keep remembering there were so many actual children onboard and now I feel ill

being an adult and realizing the full fuckedupedness of these things sucks haha

- 1) the description of seeing the ship sinking from underwater is hauntingly beautiful and 2) as I have said many a time before, thank god for demane

- see this is the other side of the coin of these books making you care so deeply about the characters; I know that no important characters die in this book but I am still so fucking stressed out by all of this D:D:D:

- well well well if gong su’s ludicrous competency wasn’t suspicious before it certainly is now, I guess china trains its spies well in the culinary arts haha

- I mean uh. what a way to symbolically and literally sever laurence from his former life and former self, I guess. you’d be hard pressed to do so more explosively at least

- something extremely bad happened to granby, we can tick that off the list

- I feel like the prose and writing in general is super improved in this one? it feels sharp and purposeful in a way the last few haven’t quite been

- He hoped Riley would be mourned; Riley deserved to be mourned ahfksahsdajklhsajkfhaslkjfhsakjdfhdaslkfhakj pain :(:(:( I’m so sorry laurence and I didn’t even like the guy. I can’t believe that the first thing this madman does after trying to secure their survival as best he could is writing letters -- on dragonback!!! hands stiff from cold so he can only work in five minute increments!!! -- to make sure riley’s memory isn’t blackened how can he be like this

- emily roland is so smart and capable and amazing my heart is blooming with pride

- iridescent feathered dragons... holy shit this is awesome

temeraire has a little feather envy tho and also maila casually eavesdropping so he can chat up (literally) hot babes... I know they’re prisoners of war and everything but this is all pure unadulterated gold

- oh temeraire darling no have no fear hammond has no self respect whatsoever, that will not be what stops him

- I can’t believe laurence is actually taking time to tie himself in knots over not following perfect procedure around his officers’ future career options while they’re FUCKING MAROONED with a bunch of asshole sailors fkdfhsjdh

- GET YOUR DIRTY FUCJING HANDS OFF DEMANE OR I’LL CHOP THEM OFF FOR YOU YOU SWINE

sipho is like eleven and a nerd and ready to run at all these grown men armed just with a branch PAIN

- granby’s unending exasperation at laurence not knowing all the stuff that seems self-evident to him having grown up with dragons fksjdhfskajd

- aw laurence finally having a little dad talk with roland ;____; and demane has proposed to her repeatedly and she would agree in a moment under other circumstances ;________________; and it never even occurred to me that that’s why she was so upset about him taking on his own dragon but of course that would fuck everything up if that’s what she was planning OH NO ;_________________________________________________;

laurence confirmed for boytoy & hideously embarrassed about it flasdfsdkjhfksd

“But I don’t want someone I want, if I can’t be sure of seeing him one week in the year” crack crack goes the sound of my heart breaking

I hope they find a way to solve this eventually :(

- really interesting what a clear view emily has of roland and laurence’s relationship tho, considering he’s basically her father figure -- like there’s clear affection, physical attraction and camaraderie there but it never feels particularly romantic & they both have other shit to do. (and laurence knows it too on some level, considering his main emotion when she refuses his proposal is relief lol. it really shows off this central conflict he has where like... he has a very clear idea of who he feels he should be and managed to convince himself he was for a long time, and what that man wants and needs (namely very little, emotionally) and is loyal to. aaaand then there’s the person he actually is, who’s been fighting his way to the surface since temeraire showed up in the very first book and sort of woke him up by giving him something he actually loves and values with all of himself and can’t compromise on. proper gentleman/navy!laurence feels like he has to do what society deems decent and marry roland to be a good person, actual!laurence seems to know that what they already have isn’t wrong or immoral in any way as long as they’re both happy with it. ugh I love him and I hope his last remaining character development includes realizing that who he really is is not only acceptable but actually a better man than that imagined perfect self ever could be and how many people love him for who he is already A N Y W A Y onwards)

- the incan dragons continue to be dope as hell

it’s super interesting how they’ve grown to value people -- and not just one special person, like british dragons, but whole groups of people -- over gold and jewels. like the tendency is there in dragons from other cultures; temeraire loves The Bling but would still easily prioritize laurence and his crew over it. presumably some of it is cultural and some of it must stem from the sheer trauma of losing so many people within a few centuries, which is basically living memory for a dragon (which makes it equal parts sympathetic/heartwarming and juuuuust on the edge of being too creepy and possessive haha).

- jeez this book is doing a good job at showing what a haunting fucking sight it must be to enter a land where like. 90% of the people are dead in plague and their cities stand abandoned

- fhasdklhfaskljfhs hammond going full diplomat on the dragons squabbling... he truly is something

and laurence apologizing to demane because he was out of line and he is a fellow captain now T_____T lord allendale could never

- haven’t had a lot to say for a while because I’m just so entranced with the world building and stuff haha, I find the irl history of this area super interesting as well

- ambassador iskierka........ what a time to be alive

poor poor poor granby hahahaha

- if these books were named harry potter style this one would be ‘william laurence and that time he tried to put off wearing his ceremonial robes for as long as humanly possible’

- granby being good at drawing but having atrocious handwriting is such a good little character detail, novik is just so expert at nonchalantly plopping them in

- temeraire is being haunted by a green-eyed monster the size of a continent huh lol fair play to maila tho, he’s given it his sleazy all right from the start

I can’t believe gong su invented dragon ice cream solely so temeraire could eat it out of a tub over this... the real mvp

- awwww granby <3 I’m glad there’s some actual canonical queer rep in this series as well (as for the technically not stated straight(heh) out in canon... listen my friends if you can come up with any kind of heterosexual explanation for normally extremely sensible tenzing tharkay gazing at his friend and thinking shit like ‘in the fading light he was a statue gilded by sunlight’ and ‘it was a pang not unmixed with pleasure to look on him, as ever’, you are free to try to come at me with it but I won’t believe you lol. also laurence has the most potent disaster bisexual energy of any man in modern media even if he hasn’t quite caught on to it himself)

tbh I know it’s mostly in desperation but they should come up with some new kind of medal to give granby for having this particular Talk with william laurence, one of the most awkward men to ever walk this earth... braver than any us marine etc.

- temeraire and iskierka in this scene STRONGLY evoke dirtbag teens sneaking off to make out in the backseat of a car or something god bless

- ...I guess you can’t fault the empress for siding with the dude already crashing like a natural catastrophe over his own home continent and who is eyeing the other six like a starving eagle would a pack of mice. all the europeans suck but I guess it’s sort of her best bet to ally herself with the biggest bully on the playground, especially since forces in her own court would be hard pressed to do anything about the situation. respect sister & congratulations granby lol

- hahahahahahaha leave it to hammond to be forcibly adopted by a dragon

poor churki tho she’s a grownass adult and she only has one weird coke-addled diplomat and three basically adolescent dragons to work with here

- GRANBY SETTING SOME BOUNDARIES FINALLY I’m so proud of him ;__; this book really does have a lot to say about dragon/human relations huh

- LETHABO!!!!!!!!!!! man i’m so happy she’s doing well, she fucking deserves it and she’s doing good work

- laurence has evolved to his ultimate form of give-no-fucks-do-some-good laurence and hammond was not prepared lol

“You forget yourself, Captain Laurence,” Hammond said . . .

“I forget nothing,” Laurence answered . . .

im crying b/c he literally has forgotten before but remembers himself at the end of victory of eagles b/c of tharkay and and aaaaaaaaaaaaaugh here he is refusing to do the dirty work he’s handed once more

- lily and maximus! this is not a drill it’s the good good kids back at it again. also temeraire’s phenomenally misplaced sense of superiority re: his reaction to kulingile growing bigger than any of them fkshdfksahdfkj

- berkely <3

- poor harcourt :( ah well she’ll survive it tho he wasn’t that important it’s not like she lost her dragon lol (I honestly can’t feel that bad about riley considering y’know how he was not only chill with but actively for the institution of slavery)

- YOOOOOOO GONG SU! and temeraire is so happy they’re going back to china aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah I love this (laurence’s stammering outrage at this reveal is also highly entertaining “he STAYED in my father’s HOUSE!!!!!!!”)

- man that entire last battle scene was so cool in the context of the rest of the series; the sheer effort and ingenuity that went into avoiding a bigger battle and slyly aiding the only worthy cause in the situation (the tswana and freeing the slaves) is so satisfying, especially after VoE

- holy shit I really enjoyed this one! It had a good balance of travelling/character moments and giving us time with the culture and characters of the Inca and their dragons, as well as driving the overall plot forward splendidly! I also feel like we got some more meat to the laurence POV (in hindsight it feels like it was mostly temeraire POV in tongues of serpents, which is fine but I do love our golden boy and his slow burn character development too)

on to blood of tyrants! I don’t know anything about this one except a) amnesia and b) some Very Important Lines I’ve already picked up along the way, I’m not sure I’m prepared (as a trope amnesia can be pretty hit or miss for me, so it’ll be interesting at least!)

#temeraire #meta #his majesty's dragon #yes hello I am back on my bullshit

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