#i wanted to go on my computer and not be stuck on my tablet
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Answer My Call Chapter 3 part 1
Happy WIP Wednesday! Answer My Call won by all one one vote last week. I was a bit nervous since I'm starting a new POV and I wasn't sure if I wanted to write from Tucker's POV or Tim's, but I settled on Tucker because it would let me dive into the action a bit sooner.
Story Summary: Danny's missing. The GIW have taken over Amity. Jazz, Tucker, and Sam are under constant surveillance and have been scattered across the country.
When Jazz's messages to Danny go to the wrong number, Red Hood decides to step in.
First, Previous
Word Count: 1.6k
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Tucker was alone in his dorm room working on homework. His desk was in the corner in a way that meant his computer screen faced the wall. It meant he had barely three feet of space to sit in, but after everything that had happened, he couldn’t let anyone sneak up behind him to spy on his work.
His roommate hated him for it because it took up so much extra space in their small room, but he was never around anyway, so Tucker didn’t really care what he thought.
He jumped when a loud knocking sounded on his door.
“Coming!” he called out as he took the time to save everything he had open and close all programs. He slammed it shut and squeezed out of his chair, half running to the door. “Sorry ‘bout the wait. Tyler isn’t here right now, I think he said something about spending time with Liz?”
Then he actually looked at the people at his door. The one was a broad boy wearing a spiked leather jacket over jeans. The other had a bulky sweatshirt on and a baseball cap. His face was shadowed as he was looking down at a tablet, typing away.
The bigger one was grinning at him. “You’re Tucker, right? We’re here to see you, not Tyler.”
Tucker blinked at them. “Why?” he asked, confused. People had given up on being friendly with him weeks ago.
The boy with the tablet huffed. “We’re here to invite you to our club.”
Tucker looked between them in confusion. “What?”
Tablet guy still didn’t look up. “We heard you like ghosts. We’re the officers of the student horror club and wanted to offer you a spot. Mind letting us in so we can tell you about it?”
Tucker rolled his eyes. “Look, I’m not interested in joining any clubs right now. Thanks, but no thanks.” He went to shut the door, but leather jacket stuck out his foot, keeping it from shutting.
“Just hear us out. We think you’d be perfect for it as an expert on ghosts.”
Tucker clenched his fists to hide their shaking. What did they know? Who sent them? He glared. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Tablet boy raised his head slightly, revealing a domino mask covering his eyes. He grinned, more a baring of teeth than anything. In a tone just loud enough to be heard, he said, “One of my associates is currently in Boston. I decided to come here instead.” In a normal ton he added, “Let me tell you about the horror club.”
Tucker’s mouth fell open. How? Boston? What had Jazz done? His eyes flitted down the hallway. But they were blocking his path and he wouldn’t be able to get past them. Dumbly, he stepped back, opening the door further.
Leather jacket grinned at him. “Thanks, dude,” he said.
Behind them, Tucker shut the door. His hand fell to his pocket where a lipstick laser was hidden.
Tablet boy was already pulling the blinds down over the window. When done, he handed his tablet to Tucker. It was open to a message that said: “We’re on your side. Turn off your devices. I’m going to set off a EMP and signal jammer.”
Tucker nodded and handed the tablet back.
Leather Jacket cleared his throat. “So, with the horror club, we meet once a week…”
Tucker only half-listened to his spiel. He used his phone to send a coded warning to Dani before turning it off. Then he went through his belongings and did the same to every laptop, PDA, tablet, and gaming system. If he turned on a ghostly recording device hidden inside an action figure, however, no one would know.
As soon as he was done, he nodded to Tablet Guy who pulled out a black cube from his backpack and pressed a button. The he pulled out another device and turned that on as well.
“That’s enough, Kon,” he said, pulling off his cap.
Leather Jacket—Kon?—grinned. “What, you don’t want to hear about my favorite horror movie, Rob?”
“I introduced you to your favorite horror movie. I know it as well as you do.”
Kon just laughed. Then he unzipped his jacket, revealing a blue outfit with Superman’s “S” on it.
“Holy shit,” breathed Tucker. What had Jazz done?
Tablet guy followed, pulling off his cap and removing his hoodie, revealing a red costume with a gold bird medallion in the center of his chest. “Nice to meet you, Tucker. I’m Red Robin, and this is Superboy. I’ve got some questions for you.”
Tucker’s eyes jumped between the two. “Holy shit,” he repeated.
Superboy laughed. “Didn’t expect to see us?”
Tucker could only shake his head. “You said Boston?” he asked.
“Red Hood is with Jazz as we speak. She asked for our help in rescuing Danny. We agreed.”
Tucker tensed. He was lying. They’d talked about reaching out to the Justice League dozens of times, but had decided they couldn’t be trusted. Jazz wouldn’t have gone to them. He reached into his pocked and pulled out the lipstick.
Both heroes tensed, though their wariness turned to confusion when they saw he only had a small lipstick tube.
Good, let them underestimate him. “Jazz wouldn’t go to the Justice League. We agreed it wasn’t safe. Why are you really here?”
Red Robin grinned at him and held up his hands. “All right, you’re right. I simplified for time’s sake. Jazz has been sending messages to a phone number she thought belonged to her brother Danny. But really, they were going to Red Hood. He’d been getting them for ages now, but was…out of town. As soon as he got back, he began looking into Amity and the GIW. When he couldn’t find anything, he brought me in on the case. When that still didn’t work, we called Jazz back. She decided to take a chance on us since Red Hood doesn’t work with the government. And, honestly, I’ve done quite a bit outside the law, too, even if I’m not as public about it.”
Tucker’s grip on the lipstick tightened and he stuck his nail under the cap, ready to flick it off at a moment’s notice. “Prove it.”
Red Robin pulled up his tablet again and tapped a few places. An audio recording started to play.
Tucker stopped breathing when he recognized Jazz’s voice. He closed his eyes and just listened. When he heard her demand a picture and the pose she asked for, he huffed out a laugh.
The recording ended and he slid the lipstick back into his pocket and wiped at his eyes.
“Okay, I believe you. What’s the plan?”
“Right now we want to make sure you, Jazz, and Sam are safe and find out as much information as we can.”
Tucker nodded. “I’m not as closely watched as Jazz. The school keeps close track of us students and the Guys in White rely on their records. Though they do have an agent stationed in admin who checks up on me at least once a week. I don’t keep my most sensitive belongings in this dorm as it’s searched every other week.”
Red Robin grinned at him. It sent shivers down Tucker’s back. “Does that mean your real stuff is kept somewhere else?”
Tucker smirked. “Of course. Cover yourselves back up; we need to go.”
Red Robin did something with his jammer and EMP and then began talking excitedly about the horror club again. “So glad you’ve agreed to come to our next meeting, Tucker! We’ve been trying to build the club.”
Superboy winked at him. “What do you say we get to know each other a bit before then? Want to come play video games with us?”
Tucker bit his lip and looked towards his desk and laptop as if he were undecided. “I should get back to my homework…”
“Oh, come on, it’ll still be there tomorrow,” said Red Robin. “Let’s go.” He looked back down at his tablet and headed towards the door, grabbing Tucker’s hand as he did.
Tucker looked over his shoulder one last time, but let himself be pulled along. They kept conversation light as they exited the building. Red Robin was an expert at angling his baseball cap to hide his masked face from every camera they passed.
Would he be willing to teach Tucker how to do that?
Once outside, Tucker took the lead. One of the first things he’d done after he’d been enrolled was memorize blueprints for every building on campus. On top of that, he’d made himself a good dozen different IDs. Three of those were copies of other students’. Those students he kept close track of to make sure their records didn’t show them in two places at once. Other ones belonged to various faculty and staff members. But his pride and joy was the one that belonged to Gabriel Carter. Gabriel was a janitor at the Academy and so could access any building. Gabriel also didn’t exist.
It was Gabriel’s ID that got them access to the basement level of one of the buildings. Hidden deep in the building was a set of rooms currently not in use. And in one of those rooms was a closet.
Tucker had built the locks on the door himself and, even having all the keys and codes, it took five minutes to get in.
He smirked when Red Robin himself let out a gasp of surprise at his set up.
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Hope you enjoyed!
Now, how did Kon get involved? Easy. Tim used the zeta tube from the cave to Titans Tower. Kon happened to be there. When Tim said he was working a case with Red Hood, the guy who tried to kill him once, Kon insisted on coming along. I debated having other members of the Young Justice, but I'm actually trying to keep character counts down for this one, so...
Check out the subscription post if you want a notification when I update!
#dpxdc#answer my call#wolf writes#tucker has learned a healthy dose of paranoia#his roommate tyler hates him#spends most of his time outside the dorm because of it#tucker enjoys basically having a single#he isn't able to relate to regular teens anymore#too used to fighting supernatural beings#and being persecuted by the government#and he doesnt want to be here#so he doesnt try to make friends#and discourages anyone from getting close to him
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Constantly wanting to request lazy activities with Bruce while also knowing my man cannot sit still without doing anything for more than two minutes so might I request snuggled into his side or on his lap while he’s working on WE or batman stuff on his computer or tablet?
He'd seen memes about pets sleeping on you.
But this felt like a bomb. One wrong move and-
"Oh for heaven's sake," Alfred hissed, ever efficient as he stood up and dropped Bruce's Jacket over you. "She's out cold you can breathe."
"What even happened?" Bruce asked.
"She's been miserable all week," Alfred said practically. "So I figured the sleep would do her good."
"You didn't-"
"It's allergy medication not a roofie calm down."
"Hn."
Ethical questions aside, you were asleep. And he supposed it was hard to have a migraine if you were asleep.
"As long as you don't move around too much, I'd imagine she'll stay there. At least until we land."
"Hn."
And without anything else to say Alfred just left him there. Stuck. With your head propped on his leg and nothing to do but settle in. And try not to think about his foot going to sleep.
When you stirred just slightly, he picked up his hand and laid in on your head, worming his fingers into your hair tenderly. It was- almost nice. Almost normal. He just hoped that when you opened your eyes you weren't angry about it.
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I am curious since I've seen stuff of yours mentioning the worldbuilding work being important (and because your Young Wizard series was hugely influential in the way I build worlds): Where do you put all the worldbuilding work? A notebook? A Google Doc? A file somewhere on a computer? Scattered sticky notes? Messages to friends? Do you try to keep it all organized?
I have no choice but to keep it organized, because if I don't, I'm screwed. :) ...And this isn't just a side effect of being 70+, but of having numerous projects going at once, all in wildly varying stages of development... and ideas for any of them are likely to pop up at any time.
Over time I've learned to keep separate projects' notes well separated from one another, to prevent confusion. Additionally, some kinds of notes are better for some projects than others. If the worldbuilding is mostly to do with character business and stuff going on inside people's brains, something that supports long-format typed notes will be best. For something that needs artwork, drawings, diagrams or calculations, something more graphics-oriented may work better. I usually find out what works best as as I go along, and stage newer notes accordingly.
In the past I've often used (physical) notebooks, but I don't any more, as it takes more effort than I care to expend to move things off the paper and onto the screen / into the file. (For those wondering: I normally compose directly into the computer, either by typing or [Dragon Anywhere-mediated] dictation. If a piece of work is giving me more trouble than usual, I'll sometimes break down and compose on paper, with a fountain pen: thanks for the hint, @neil-gaiman. Sometimes slowing things down does make a difference) :) ...Then I read the pen-generated material into the machine.
Probably the modality I use most often now for worldbuild material is Scrivener, for reasons I discussed a little over here the other day. It lets you store notes alongside your prose material, or in a research "folder" down at the bottom of your project: and it keeps it all together.
But I'm not always sitting down in front of the machine. Sometimes ideas pop out when you're on the road: or you're working on one project and something pertinent to another one comes up. So at such times I use:
Evernote. It syncs seamlessly among all the devices I use, and you can get at it from wherever you are in a browser or from a smartphone or tablet.
A voice recording app. I've got one in the iPad and one on my phone. If I'm somewhere without broadband and can't use Dragon, the saved audio can be fed into it later. Dragon'll then transcribe what I said and email it to me for inclusion in whatever note-keeping software I'm using. Right now on the iPad I'm using an app called Voice Recorder, and on the (Android) phone one that (mysteriously) also called Voice Recorder.
These are desperately handy for when an idea comes to you in the middle of the night and your handwriting's not to be trusted or you don't want to turn on the light for fear of waking up whoever else is in the bed. Fumble around for the recorder, turn it on, mumble your note in and go back to sleep. Just make sure you've actually turned it on. And off. :)
Sticky notes. I do use them, but I don't let them sit around: it's too easy for a passing breeze to blow them off the table / desk / whatever and under the fridge, where you'll never see them again. These normally get transcribed into electronic storage immediately, or stuck onto my desk in a spot where they have to be dealt with immediately; or (in the case of really important notes) stapled to several others that in same cases have been there for years. ...Notes not immediately transcribed get stuck into a notebook which I clean out carefully once a month, along with the other note-taking apps.
Another kind of sticky notes, of which I'm really fond, is this app for the iPad, called Tatter. It allows you to open multiple "notebooks" that can house what seem to be an unlimited number of stickies. Supports images, as well.
A wiki on a stick. If there's a lot of data coming down the pipeline at once, it's handy to have something to stick it into in which short articles can be linked easily to one another. You can export / cut-and-paste these into your main work file as necessary. Then at the project's end, you just zip the wiki's contents up and put it away somewhere, on disk or in the cloud, as you prefer. (Because who knows what its contents might come in handy for, some years from now...?) TiddlyWiki is good tor this kind of thing.
Anyway: the secret of successfully managing an array of note-taking methods like this is to set aside a day once a month to go through them all, making sure that notes that are worth something will be tucked safely into the project file associated with them. If you're not using a program like Scrivener that provides its own storage, this space can as easily be a folder on your desktop, or even a series of printouts. But the most important thing: back them up somewhere safe. Worldbuilding notes are some of the most painful to lose. ...I keep a set of mine in Dropbox, and an additional set in my laptop, and once a month I email a zipfile of the most crucial ones to myself.
If this sounds like a lot of work: that's as may be... but it's worth it. I mean, we're talking worlds here. Until they're safely out where people can see them on paper or on the screen, you are their only guardian.
At any rate: HTH!
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Hi i wanted to know if, as a full-time artist, you have any stretch routines that help reduce pain in ur hands/wrists/back etc
yeah!! so, my stretch bible for years has actually been.... a splatoon-themed wrist stretch poster made by the artist captainhanyuu???? you can see it here! i know nothing about splatoon but i just find it really memorable. i do a more thorough version of this where i do the finger curls (bottom left exercise on the poster) in every possible position (palm up wrist flexed towards me, palm up wrist flexed away, palm down wrist flexed towards me, etc etc).
as for remembering to do this stuff regularly: trying to set alarms with my phone or the clock on my computer usually just doesn't work for me. i find the notifications irritating, and i'm already used to ignoring my phone, so i dismiss them without thinking. recently i was recommended something called workrave, which reminds you to take microbreaks to let go of your mouse/tablet pen and look away from the screen for a few seconds every 3min, in addition to longer breaks every 30min. i've only used it for a day, so idk if it'll stick, but somehow it's been way more effective for me.
on that subject, it's not just your wrists; PLEASE remember to stretch/rest your eyes!!! at my age, my vision should have plateaued, but it's degraded severely over the pandemic bc of increased screentime/being stuck in my (very small) flat, so i often spent all day never looking at anything further away than the nearest wall lol. it's scary and i don't want it happening to anyone else! i've been trying to at least stick to the 20/20/20 rule: every 20 minutes, spend 20 seconds looking at something 20 feet away.
back pain i haven't been great at mitigating lol. i know it is extremely annoying to hear "have you tried yoga? UwU" but like genuinely when i remember to stay on the yoga wagon it does make my body feel really good. you can look up "cat and cow yoga" to see some poses that are easy and good for quick relief — but please don't overdo it and watch a few guided youtube videos if you can, it's possible to hurt yourself doing yoga poses if you just throw yourself in and imitate pictures!
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hiiiii, i was wondering if u could do a "hashira reaction to gn s'o cheating on them? idk if u do that type of stuff, if u don't just ignore. if you can't/ don't wanna do all, can you please include giyuu and kyojuro? i love your writing sm it hurts
lots of love, me <3
AWEHJIFSKJDF THANK YOU SM!<33 I’m glad you like my writing and yes, I can write that ^^
I don’t normal write char x reader—though I have done it be4—so, sorry if it’s a bit silly bc I’m accustomed to writing char x char
It’ll just be Giyuu in this part, I’ll do the others separately since it’s easier on me, if that’s alright. I’ll put the links to the others on this part too, when I finish them tho! (iyw to stay anon that’s fine, but I could tag you in the others if you wanted it?)
Also im writing this on my tablet so I’m sorry if there’s any mistakes 😭 I write better on computer
Reaction to being cheated on by GN!Y/N
Giyuu Tomioka
Giyuu never showed much emotion. It bothered you, in ways you never could bring yourself to word. The thing was, however, that you didn’t know how much longer you could bear it. You had fallen in love with him before, but didn’t find yourself drawn to him now. It had been like a mystery, trying to find out the depths of this man whom refused to show anything. He was caring of you, yes. He tended to your wounds, tried his best to make you meals, bought you gifts. But he lacked the show of physical affection. He kissed you from time to time, but you had to initiate it; you had to ask for it. He never gave you the attention you so desperately sought for. Not the kind you wanted, at least.
So you did the unthinkable. You found another man—someone who would treat you as you wished. With only a wisp of guilt in the back of your mind, you pressed your lips upon this other man, thoughts far from the Hashira.
This went on for about two weeks, only, until Giyuu found out. He was supposed to be gone on a mission for a bit, so you invited the man over to your house. Giyuu had the key in, but he was supposed to be gone, of course.
It began with food. Drinks, small talk. It grew heated from there: kissing grew to making out, and that went to the point your uniform was hanging loosely from your shoulders, and then—
And then the door opened.
You had been so caught up in whatever the hell was going on that you hadn’t heard the front door being unlocked. Presumably, Giyuu had assumed you’d had a friend over. Because shock registered through his entire expression upon opening the bedroom door and finding you under another man.
You. Giyuu’s partner, his lover. Splayed under some man he knew not.
For a moment, all that could be heard was yours and the man’s heavy breathing. Giyuu was stock-still, eyes wide, mouth ajar. Then he spoke. His voice, usually so calm and collected, came out shaky. Uncertain.
“Y/n…?” he asked quietly, taking a hesitant step forward.
The man scoot off of you, buttoning his uniform hastily and standing. “I should go…” he murmured. He tried making a dash out the door, ducking under Giyuu’s arm, but Giyuu was quicker, grabbing him by his collar and tossing him back into the room carelessly, gaze stuck on you.
“Y/n, what… What the hell?” he said, his voice rising slightly. You rarely heard him swear. Even if it was something as mild as ‘hell.’
You flinched as he moved closer, his steps as inaudible as ever.
“Why…?” His question trailed off, his eyes tracing your half-exposed body. You tugged your uniform back on self-consciously. Why had you done this?
You averted your eyes, not wanting to see his expression anymore. You had thought he wouldn’t care, in all honesty. Though it didn’t stop you from hiding it.
“What did I do wrong?” Giyuu mumbled. There was a trace of hurt in his voice and you felt a twinge of regret. It wasn’t just the humiliation of being discovered.
“I… You didn’t kiss me much or anything. You didn’t really hug me, or cuddle me, or… I don’t know. I’m sorry,” you whispered. You chanced a glance back at him.
Giyuu’s hair had fallen over his eyes, obscuring them from your view. His lips opened and closed wordlessly for a moment. Eventually, he seemed to find his voice. But he sounded cold now, the kind of voice he would use to give orders to Demon Slayers. Dismissive. The kind that meant the conversation was over. “I loved you, Y/n. Did you know that? I’m sorry for not giving you enough. I hope this… other man can give you what I failed to do,” he said quietly. He turned abruptly, ignoring your calls as he stalked out of the room.
You heard the front door slam shut. There was a moment of silence. The ‘other man’ glanced at you.
“Want to continue…?” he asked tentatively.
“Shut up. Go away,” you hissed.
He raised his hands in surrender as he stood, backing towards the doorway. “Alright… It was just a question.”
You waited as his footsteps faded into the distance. The door Giyuu had slammed clicked shut behind him. You dipped your head down, burying it in your hands. God, what had you done?
///
« 700 or so words? (from eyeing it) »
#kny#kimetsu no yaiba#demon slayer#ds#angst#giyuu tomioka#hashira#reader#x reader#giyuu x reader#giyuu tomioka x reader#oneshot#request#kny giyuu#angst ish#kny fanfic#character x reader#giyuu x reader angst#cheating#short#cheating reader#gender neutral reader#gn!reader#gn!y/n
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Idia 4
Summary: Idia was so desperate to have you stay longer in his room that he agreed to a demand that struck ice into his spine.
(This drabble was just stuck in my head for days. Enjoy Yandere Idia and an angry Reader. The style of writing is rambling, cause Idia’s a rambler.)
Thirty minutes. Really, thirty short minutes, the amount of time you casually spend when getting your dailies done in any gacha game that’s currently on the mind. Idia only managed to get you to stay in his room for thirty pathetic minutes because he can’t make anything in his room fun beyond what his consoles and computer can provide. But you’re not interested in any of that cause you’d only have him to play with, and he knows you don’t want to be stuck in a room with a sweaty, shaking and nervous mess like him.
His tongue has been tied all day and the only reason he even got you to stay in the first place was cause Azul gave him some advice to “bargain.“ Make a gift—that can only be given in his room—that you can’t refuse cause of the sheer generosity of it all. Azul said you’re selfish enough to accept anything and everything, provided they’re fun. Idia threw his tablet at him for saying that cause at least the glass on that thing is more sturdy than his ego. And there’s no way he’s gonna stand for any insult, jokingly or not. And since when did the friendship stat between you and Azul get so high that he could do that? It’s not fair. Everything is always stacked against people like him.
Anyways, Idia had everything set up, even had the controllers in his hands cause how can anyone resist the sheer treasure trove of games he had just laying here? But you didn’t even give him a glance, just gazed down at your phone, making sure every game he gave you was truly in your library before walking towards the door.
“Huh? W-w-wait!” The annoying debuff on his tongue got another stack and now he can’t even spit out anything beyond a harsh croak of a plea. He dropped the controllers. “P-please wait!”
“Hmm?” You turned, but Idia’s so familiar with your face that he knows your apathy wasn’t distanced politeness but held back disgust. So low and beneath you that he’s just an annoying bug flapping around you with only some occasional usefulness.
He knows you don’t like him. Look at him, what worth does he have as a person? He’s stick thin, his ribs are sticking out, walking tires him out, he can’t hold a conversation that isn’t game related, and on top of that, he’s already made himself known as a creep cause when he gets the courage to talk to you physically, he freezes up, stares and just, breathes. Like a stalker in a VR horror game.
“C-can you stay? Stay h-here, for a bit?” Idia’s biting into his sleeve now cause that’s the only thing keeping his hair from flaring up. “Do you, want anything? I can, I can do anything you need. Just, stay. With me. For a bit…”
Ah, he really can’t get anything right with anything extrovert related. He messed up, he knows it.
“Hmm. Well, I was going to just leave cause I don’t want to be in a suffocating hovel with you, but” …no way. Really? Really? Is this a miracle? “Sure, if you show me the videos in your ‘comfy’ folder. You know, the ones that livestream me sleeping?”
…how…how did you know that? W-who told you? Did he somehow leave his phone on that video and someone came in? Did he leave one of the campus computers on? How—
His roots were nearly purple. Idia grabbed at his hair, almost ripping it like that will do anything to calm the near punching of his heart cutting off every breath.
“Well?” You walked back in, swiveling his chair around with your foot, “Sit.”
His tongue was permanently stunned. Idia could only nod and sit. He was struck so dumb and empty of any thoughts that you had to forcefully press his hand against the mouse. The closest he’ll ever get to you holding his hand, even though you held him prisoner with just your presence and words.
“Move, or I’m leaving.” You hissed in his ear, trapping his body against his desk with your own right over his shoulder. Everything felt clammy and all to sweltering. Idia felt like he’s going to puke, but he swallowed in hopes he doesn’t.
Idia clicked through folder after folder until finding the one you spoke of. He hovered, but when you sighed he clicked.
Idia hated how his PC didn’t lag. In an instant, videos with names ranging from numbers to “a certified cutie with a face to save the world.”
Hundred of them, all them with little previews of your body or face.
“Wow, you really are gross.” Your hand nearly slapped to his chin, digging your pads in to keep his mouth shut and keep it from turning. He wheezed, every inch of skin jumping and shaking. “I bet you imagine being there with me, under the blankets and snuggling all nice and soft with me, huh?”
You yanked and shoved his head against the screen. He couldn’t close his eyes even though the blue light was burning his eyes, afraid that somehow all this will be a fleeting nightmare.. Idia accidentally swept his keyboard onto the ground. It crashed, the keys flying everywhere.
“So this was the shit you did in your free time. You like doing this? Is recording the only way you can help your disgusting self?
“…’m,” Idia rumbled out, “’m sorry…”
“Then delete it,” you shoved him harder, edge of the desk digging into his ribs hard enough to bruise, “all of it. And be sure to get rid of all those cameras in my room would you? I’ll have to thank Ortho later for telling me, so be sure to reward your brother for exposing you to me.”
What choice did he have?
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Okay, apparently my Fire tablet and PC are not syncing together, which resulted in me making a high-pitched pterodactyl noise a little while ago when I thought EVERYTHING I HAD WRITTEN IN MY EMAIL DRAFT YESTERDAY HAD DISAPPEARED.
Thankfully, it's still there on my tablet so I emailed it to myself and now I can see it on the PC but DANG is this a clunky, slow and painful way to try to do this. I have a SYSTEM when it comes to writing, frens. Anything messing with MY SYSTEM makes me feel a bit
and even more
Do I dare try installing Word 2003 (my beloved) again? Is it worth it to potentially go back to Blue Screen of Death City, population MEEEEEE or is there something else I'm missing?
Can't use Google docs as my computer already proved. I don't want anything I have to install on the computer *points to fears of returning to BSoD City* but I want something that I can somehow save at the same time. I dunno. I was hoping to get this in really good shape today and instead I'm stuck where I left off and feeling like I'm trying to excavate a hole the size of Mt. Everest with a teaspoon.
I thought about writing in a Tumblr draft or in AO3 itself but either of those has their own perils (Tumblr in accidentally POSTING IT and AO3 warns not to keep your only copy there). Maybe writing in AO3 and email it back to myself when I'm done for the day/writing session?
I just want to be able to use my computer like a COMPUTER again and not have to be so cautious and careful with everything. This is honestly stupid stressful. UGH.
*more angry moth noises, just 'cause*
Update: I'm going to try writing in AO3 for now and saving as a draft/emailing that back to myself. It's better than nothing and feels a little more familiar since I usually do my final editing in AO3 since I can often catch errors in AO3's preview that I missed in Word for some reason.
Still, if you have any recommendations for apps/sites/programs etc you like to write in, I'd like to hear them.
#ageless aislynn#ais is writing#writing#reference#writing reference#help#recommendations#writing program recommendation#i just want to be able to use my computer like i used to#like i've used a computer for over 20 years now#*sigh*#thank you for reading#love you frens
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Okay so hello friends I discovered this site today, when trying to find an app/place to write with low distractions:
So its got: dark mode, light mode, you can set a timer (good for a writing sprint), you can set a word goal, it shows just your writing and word count at the bottom, it has a tool to export your writing as a txt file when done. Its features appear the same on laptop or phone, useful if you're like me and sometimes type on the phone.
Of particular note: you can only backspace through a word, not further. I'd suggest trying to write for a while before deciding how you feel about it. I was initially annoyed, since I couldn't delete a sentence I disliked and could only really fix small scale initial typos. But I just started typing // when I didn't like a prior line so I could just go delete it later in editing, then I continued writing the sentence I'd want instead. After the first several minutes, I decided I kind of like this feature. Why? Because it got me to WRITE. I couldn't really second guess myself much, because re-reading and editing wasn't an option during writing. It will be an option LATER, but not during this writing sprint. Justwrite as another feature, doesn't really let you scroll up. Annoying to me, somewhat, since I couldn't scroll up and double check I was remembering certain details right. But it makes up for it again in getting me TO WRITE. I wrote 3000 words an hour in Justwrite. Just because I HAD to move forward and just tell the fucking story. A lot of what I wrote was good stuff! And I left myself little // to find and fix bits I wanted to work on more. And maybe useful in a story sense, I found my scenes felt they were flowing in pacing better. Possibly because I had to write them timely enough to remember what I was writing ToT (I don't have the best detail memory) so scenes couldn't dawdle long enough to get super stuck or linger on something for an amount of time that would start getting a reader lost or bored. In summary: the particular quirks of not allowing much backspacing and not much upscrolling? Make for faster writing, and a bit more of an incentive to keep a writing flow going while its fresh in your mind.
Anyway I wrote 7000 words today thanks to this site (and the app version on my tablet).
I really appreciate Low Distraction writing tools since seeing even just words underlined or editing tabs above a document quickly gets me distracted. Some current favorites: justwrite (site and app), https://novellla.web.app/ (I like this but I prefer the computer version as the phone version has no night mode), Writer Lite (a phone app I love for organizing writing as it works very minimal distraction but lets me change fonts and organize chapters and notes and projects and check word counts by project/chapter/entire directory - in that app I've written 192,000 words this year, it backs up to google drive and I have not explored exporting options yet but its definitely my favorite phone app for writing project organizing), notepad (when Im om my computer Im not kidding - the lower the distractions the more likely I'm going to use the tool), and honorable mention app.gethermit.com (its a useful site for sharing writing to someone to look at with password protection, and its also got projects/chapters organization, I both appreciate that it includes spellcheck and also hate that it's spell check means I NEVER write on the site I just use it to quickly store a copy paste writing backup online so I can open it up on another device).
#rant#justwrite#reference#writing resources#writing app#anyway its a free site im gonna HIGHLY recommend
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Rummaging through my old room I find this, a traditional flip note of Pantufa the Cat from 2011 or earlier, with rusty staples and, according to the numbers on the corner, missing frames.
For detailed ramblings of hidden memories this unlocked, click for more
I've always wanted to be an animator and, while I didn’t have the software or hardware for digital animation, I wanted to practice is as much as I could. This was the best I could put together at the age of 16.
I would do small scale animations at the edges of notebooks or draft ideas in comic form with notes before I knew what a Storyboard was. Back then I didn't even have a stable internet connection in the first place, this was around the time I had to share a PC with my older brother who would kick me out at any opportunity and hog the PC for the entire day, only letting me on at the last minute, where I would get an earful from my parents and be told to go to bed, it was a nightmare to do anything digitally...
The first drawing tablet I got was considered scrap the moment I got it for Christmas. No screen, wobbly inaccurate pen (can't draw a straight line without it looking like lightning), Silvercrest branded (basically, LIDL), it was as cheap as it could be but it was my introduction to "not using the mouse to draw" which it did not help with as even today revisiting it makes me want to draw with a mouse more.
Things were very strict and if something did what it needed to do, it didn't need to be replaced. "That's what I had been taught"If it ain't broke, don't fix it" was the motto for my family and that mentality stuck to me even to the present day. I still find myself using MSPaint for Pixelart or drawings, as spending for anything greater is hardwired in my brain as "unnecessary" or "wasteful", hell, I wasn't even allowed to spend money outside of school purchases such as at the cafeteria (they had a kickass card charging system which made the school I attended in Germany around 2016-2019 look medieval in comparison which is incredible since Portugal isn't the first thing you think of when it comes to technological advancements), so any money I would get for Christmas or birthdays was practically useless and I never learned to manage income. I would sometimes find my mom take the money off my piggy bank for groceries and other goods when she was running low, she didn't try to lie, she had no reason to.
Anything I can get for free is what I stick by and I'll only spend money if I absolutely have to or, more recently, if it benefited close friends in any way, as I've learned to have no regard for my own well being and should be ashamed for even considering it, others always take priority.
So when it comes to animation today, I have a "yar har" version of Toon Boom Studio 8.0 for bigger things (I've tried OpenToonz but it's very crash happy and I've lost hours of animation with it even with the backup and auto save features on, back in the day I had a a copy of Flash CS4 I grabbed from the school computers that I got to work after some tinkering and a well placed crack) and for Pixelart I just use Windows XP's MSPaint and abuse scroll-wheel and window resizing shenanigans to advance frames. I don't get much time to practice animation and I get easily excited to have a chance at it.
I'm under my own mental shackles at all times and that's not going to change, only further cemented by the elitist mindset the Sonic Hacking community and SRB2 had taught me, a mindset I regret adopting and one I catch myself going back to and feeling ashamed of every now and then, leading only to depressive episodes that are best left for a psychologist to deal with... should I ever find the opportunity to seek one without time and language barrier issues.
As the years go by and I find myself doing or just refining Pixelart than to do animated pieces, I've given up hope in being an animator in the foreseeable future, only dedicating animation to those done in private between friends, never allowing myself to clean up or refining it in any meaningful way unless asked for because I shouldn't. It's why I tend to ask for suggestions or characters to add for animations I plan to do, cause I don't want it to be for me, I want it to be for those I can make happy to see it.
---
Before I hit "Post", a reminder that there are people much worse off than I am, these are just memories and 1st world problems and should be nobody's priority. Please support growing young artists and animators, they need it more than some washed up wanna-be animator that is known for nothing else but basic Sonic ROM hacks disguised to look impressive via a coat of MSPaint.
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~Your Last Lover
READ THE REST ONE WATTPAD @ vannahmontanah
"Dude! What fuck, man!"
"Bro, chill! It was just one roach!"
This job sometimes more professionals. I don't know how much more of this I can take. How do you get roaches in your game system and don't even let me know? What's going on at home?
"You have to tell me beforehand," I said.
"I'm sorry. But, can you still fix it? I really need it,"
"What else is wrong with it?" I shook my head.
"It's slow! It over heats a lot and I think there's dust stuck inside,"
"Okay. I can hook you up,"
"How much will it be? I got $400,"
"I'll let that roach pass since it's just one, but it's a cool $270,"
"Thanks so much! I can't afford a new one right now, so this is a deal,"
"It should be done in three days,"
"Thank you,"
He handed me the money and rushed out the door. If he can afford to get his game fixed, he can afford cleaning supplies.
"Yo!" Camron greeted.
"Hey..."
Camron (Cam—Ron) is the store manager. We have another employee named Davion. I work at a service shop where we fix electronics. I fix computers, PC's, and game systems while Davion fixes phones and tablets. We're all good at doing each thing, but we have certain ones we're good at doing best. We also fix smart watches but we do not fix TV's and VR systems. So don't come in here it's a 65in TV and that new Apple VR.
"What's wrong with you?"
"We got another roach,"
"Aw nah! Imma have to put up a sign saying we don't do big infested shit. That's a such an inconsiderate thing,"
"Well, I said I'd do it though. I'm finishing up a laptop right now,"
"So, I was at this party last night right?"
"Yeah?"
"I seen this girl. Her name's Barbie,"
"What about her?"
"She fine as hell! That's what's up! Yo! The next party is in two days. I want you and Davion to come,"
"Is this another college party?"
"No! She just so happen to be in college and I met her,"
"Why don't you just meet her there?"
"I would, but I don't think I'm her type,"
"How come?"
"Well, she told me the kinda guys she fuck with and I'm just not in that category. But you may like her,"
"Not you trynna hook me up,"
"I'm not. She wasn't the only girl I met anyway. I just want ya to come with me. Shop close at 7 and the party starts at 8,"
"What school she go too?"
"Thurgood," (this is a made up school)
"She stay on campus?"
"Nah. She off campus,"
"Okay, okay. If I'm not busy bye then—"
"Nigga, you work that day! You'll be here and we get off at the same time!"
"But you know I stay late sometimes to finish,"
"Have some fun! I'm keeping the key this time. You will be getting out the store. You'll never know, she may need something fixed of hers,"
"Well, she's free to come on down when she likes,"
"I'm looking for the hoes...Yeah, yeah! Shake that ass, hoe! Shake that ass, hoe!" Davion sang.
I'm legit looking at this man with pure confusion. Is this nigga singing Sexy Redd? And he knew all the words! This nigga's trippin!
"Bro! Dave! What the hell are you doing!" Camron said.
"I'm Vibing! You fucking it up right now. What you want?"
"I need you to clock out on time! You not slick,"
"It wasn't an accident,"
"Whatever,"
It was 15 minutes til closing time and someone walked in at the last minute. He was dark-skin with a drop fade.
"How ya doing?" He greeted.
"I'm good. How can I help you?"
"My phone is fucked up. I dropped the bitch and the screen is done for. How much to change the screen,"
"Let me see," Davion said. "I can do $75,"
"Okay. Will it be done today?"
"No. We close in 15 minutes. I can have it done by tomorrow afternoon,"
"Damn. I kinda need it. It's whatever, as long as it gets fixed. Here's the money,"
"Thank you. I need you number and your password,"
"Hey, didn't I see you last night?" He asked.
"You probably did," Camron said.
"You was at the college party,"
"Only for a little bit—"
"I saw you talking to my girl,"
"I was not talking to her. I was having a conversation,"
"It doesn't matter. You be easy..."
He mugged Camron and left the shop. What was that about? I didn't see the big deal. Wait! Did he try to get me to talk to a woman that was already taken?
"Is that the girl you was talking to yesterday that you trynna get me to talk too?" I asked.
"I didn't know she had a nigga!"
"How you didn't know?"
"She never said anything and I never asked!"
"Camron, you trynna get Dean hurt?"
"I don't know that man!"
"I'm not going to that party," I said, packing my stuff.
"I'm still going regardless. I was just going because one of my friends wanted me to go with her and I just so happen to meet the girl, Barbie. I'm really going for my friend,"
"Cam, what are you doing at a college party?" Davion asked.
"I just said I was there for my friend. She's 25 by the way,"
"I'm out guys," I said, shaking my head.
"Wait, wait, wait. Can ya please come with me Wednesday night? Just do this one thing?"
I hesitated, but I gave in to it. So, I guess I'm going to this party Wednesday. Fuck...
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Routine Update #1
It'll all be under the cut in case you don't want to read it!
Also, please enjoy these sketches of Kaeya, because drawing this man brings me joy!
Close ups also under the cut!
I wanna make these kind of text kinda regularly, that’s something that I’m slowly working on.
There are a few things that I’ve noticed as the time went by that I think they’re important enough to be written down and read not just by you but by myself too, so I can keep reminding myself of that all the time!
Creating habits is something hard. It takes time. Months, actually. It’s not easy to get used to do something you never really did before or start doing something in a completely different way. The important thing is to be persistent and not giving up, the more you do it consistently the more you’ll get used to doing it.
Yes, there will be moments you’ll forget to do this new activity, there will be moments you’ll go back to your old “routine” and not even realize, and that’s fine! It’s normal. The important part is that, if you notice yourself doing that, you pay attention on what made you stop doing it (if possible) and change what’s needed so you can go back to your habit. That being if you’ve noticed that this new habit is helping you in any way.
I’ve been trying to record videos about what I’m doing and what I’m trying to change or not in my routine, but I frequently forget about recording them and sometimes I feel like I should just let go of this idea because “it’s been a long time I don’t work on it, anyway”, but that kind of thought is exactly the reason why I’m doing this whole process. It’s precisely to make me not give up on my projects and keep evolving and working on them and actually turning all my ideas into reality.
There are different kinds of productivity and when you’re working on a project that you really want to make it become a reality you don’t want a short term productivity, you want a long term one, something that would actually help you make things happen, actually create all those things you want to create, something that will help you feel like you’re moving forward and not stuck in the same place.
This kind of productivity doesn’t have a lot to do with how much you can dedicate yourself to it each day, it has more to do with how much attention you give to this project in general, how persistent you are and, more importantly, not giving up on getting it done, even if you spend a few days not working on it.
It’s important to pay attention to how organized your project is and how much you make it easy for your brain to think about it at different times of the day. If your brain can easily think about that and you have the path you wanna take minimally thought out, then that’s already a big step towards being productive!
The less obstacles you put in your own path, the better (we already have so many that we don’t have control of, lets try our best to help ourselves with what we can change!). Slowly I’m starting to understand that having a bunch of different big projects simultaneously can also be an obstacle. If you wanna do something, it’s important to direct your attention to that thing. Priorities are hard to come up with, but they’re necessary in these moments. (Particularly I’m a mess in all of these, and I guess you can see why I haven’t been posting much… oops!).
I’m trying to change that, though, get better at focusing myself in what I wanna accomplish and what I wanna make come true, try to prioritize every single one of my goals and give them the right amount of attention so I can get where I want.
I’ve changed my set up, now I’ve been using my drawing tablet also as a second monitor, even when I’m just writing these texts. That might sound as something really simple and with no importance, but the idea is to help me whenever I decide to draw something. I’ve noticed that sometimes I felt like drawing, but just because the tablet wasn’t connected to the computer I kept procrastinating as much as I could and eneded up not producing anything, now all I need to do i move my keyboard to the side and grab my stylus. It hasn’t been long that I did that, let’s see how this will go and how much it’ll improve my productivity or not, I’ll keep you guys updated on that!
I’ve been trying to go slow, get it easy on the things I wanna do and keep them simple, I usually end up making everything super complex and hard for myself, way more than I should, which always makes things hard to actually finish any project. Sometimes I plan it so much and end up never really working on them because I always think I haven’t planned them enough, and I always catch myself doing many things at once and planning 3-4 other unrelated projects I’d like to work on, without even knowing where to start!
At the moment I’m trying to get used to my projects I’m already working on and just when I’m already used enough that I don’t have to think too much about what I’m doing, then I’ll consider starting another project.
Do you also go through that? Do you guys have any solutions?
#genshin impact#fanart#kaeya#brart#brazilian artists#my art#daydreamerfox#text#motivational#inspiring#🦊 the artist rambles#Daydreamer Fox Text
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You Don't Mind Getting to Know Theo
Start | Prev
“Oh. That’s. Very sweet of you to say,” Theo says.
He opens his mouth to say something else, but is interrupted by the sound of a door slamming somewhere else in the house.
“Ah. That was probably Concrete,” he explains.
You wait for him to elaborate.
“He has a habit of pushing doors closed and then being really mad that he’s locked in whichever room he locked himself in. Come on, let’s go get him.”
He leads you over to the stairs.
You feel a little uneasy as you approach them, but they lack any sort of runner rug, and they don’t seem particularly hungry, so you follow Theo up them anyway. You can hear Concrete meowing as you walk.
“So. This is the second floor,” Theo says, gesturing around.
“And this,” he says as points to a door, “is sort of a multipurpose room.”
He opens it just a crack, as the door gently bumps into something on the other side.
“Concrete. If you want me to open the door you’re going to need to move,” he says gently.
Concrete does not move. It continues meowing.
Theo sighs but smiles fondly.
He scans the hallway, and upon spotting a little mouse cat toy, he picks it up.
“Concrete! Go get the mousey!,” he says, and then tosses the mouse through the crack in the door.
There’s the sound of quick little footsteps running away from the door.
“There we go!” Theo says and opens the door.
This room is partially taken up by a rather expansive… cat jungle gym? There’s towers and platforms and shelves with the occasional cat toy stuck to it.
A lot of the toys seem to be knitted or otherwise hand-made.
“Did you knit those yourself?” you ask, nodding to them.
“Oh, it’s actually crochet. But yes. I made those and most of the whole thing myself. I like making stuff and it keeps Concrete from getting bored,” he says, rubbing at the back of his neck. He seems to do that when he’s feeling shy or nervous.
“That’s pretty impressive,” you say. It looks like it took a lot of work.
“Oh, um. Thank you,” he says. Then he turns to the other side of the room to change the subject.
There’s a computer desk with a desktop and drawing tablet in one corner. In the other there’s a tv and what looks to be a few different gaming consoles, a shelf of games, and some beanbags.
“This is where I spend most of my time. Working at the computer. Or gaming.”
“Cool.”
“Do you like video games at all?”
You pause and consider it.
“I… Don’t remember.”
“Oh.”
There’s another pause.
“Do you… Want to try playing some? I’ve got a pretty wide variety. And I don’t have anything super pressing that I need to do today,” Theo rambles.
You would like to. But.
“I’m not sure when Pat’s expecting me back. I’m supposed to pick up a pizza for us,” you explain.
Thinking about it, though. You really don’t want to. Talking to strangers is scary, especially without Pat there to smooth things over if something happens.
“I could probably try ordering one and having it delivered. That’s technically still getting a pizza to Pat like they asked, right?” you reason out loud.
Theo shrugs. “It’s up to you.”
You nod.
You look up the nearest pizza place to the motel and find the number to call.
“Marty’s Pizza, what can I get for you?” comes the voice from the other side.
You open your mouth to order, but your voice just won’t come out.
You try again. Nothing. Your heart is beating a little too fast.
“Hello?” the person calls.
You, against your better judgment, are too scared to answer.
“I’m sorry, I can’t hear you. Can you try calling back?” the person says.
You don’t say anything.
They hang up.
You just stand there, still holding the phone. What the hell was that? Why are you scared of talking on the phone?
“Oh dear. Are you alright?” Theo asks.
You don’t know.
“Ah. I’ve been there. Here. Why don’t we come sit down for a bit over here?” he coaxes.
He gently takes your hand and guides you over to the bean bags. You sit down heavily.
“I didn’t remember that,” you say.
It makes you kind of mad. Not being able to remember why you’re scared of things.
“That sounds frustrating,” Theo agrees. “I… I don’t remember why I’m scared of the woods around my house. It’s. Really not very pleasant,” Theo commiserates.
There’s something there that you’d normally like to press on. But not right now.
Concrete has taken up residence on the other bean bag.
“Would you like a distraction? I’m sure Pat will understand if you need to calm down before starting the drive back?” Theo says, gesturing to the games.
You think you would like a distraction.
“Sure,” you agree.
Next
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i guess it’s time for a new year retrospective thing since it’s almost a new year
this year sucked and not even in like a notably bad way, it’s just one big haze of nothing where nothing matters and nothing has any meaning because there’s literally no break in between all the stress. groceries are as expensive as ever and they’re just gonna stay that way forever while the cost of living limit for welfare stays the same so now i’m stuck between being unable to afford food AND having no healthcare.
mawkish continues to get older and she has more health issues. it takes up an unspeakable amount of my time and money, but she’s happy and not declining right now. every time she skips physical therapy for her arthritis due to a cancellation i can see how it affects her, though, so i don’t know if i’ll be able to cut costs there.
a lot of this is about money, huh? i just feel like i can’t even DO anything without it. i can just Be At Home which just makes me feel like a wild animal pacing in a cage. i’ve been single for a while now and i’m REALLY feeling it and i know it’s partially my fault for not wanting covid more than not wanting to be lonely but like what the fuck would i do if i put myself out there huh? tell some girl i don’t have enough money to buy lunch or a coffee so we’ll have to just sit outside at a park? yeah i’ve sat outside at parks to meet and chat with people but as like a first impression it’s not great!!!
and my art has gotten worse, of course. it’s stiffer, and i feel on edge because my hand is either always on the cusp of hurting again or it IS hurting again. i’ve gotten it back to normal again, and then i slack off on my exercises and we’re back to square 3 (i haven’t gotten so bad that i go back to square 1) because the exercises themselves are wildly time-consuming and god knows if there’s anything i don’t have enough of it’s time. i hate the tablet i’m using and i can’t even find the old ones i brought with me because of the move, but even then they’re very small and that’s why i like them and it’s also why i hurt my hand in the first place.
still, the curves this tablet makes are just not the same, there’s tons of issues with it that aren’t technically issues but certainly things that impact how the art comes out and how much i enjoy making it.
not really related but about a week into the new year i’ll be getting a new computer, also, and a new desk chair, since both of those are fucking falling apart. i want to do other things that i’m not going to say here because if there’s one way to make sure you never ever do a project it’s just announcing it publicly before you’ve done literally any of the work. still, we’ll see if anything changes. it feels like it won’t simply because my brain is too depressed to do anything anymore and even when i do do the thing it turns out like shit or i don’t retain it at all. these are at least things that will not require the intense use of my dominant hand.
oh and the last huge negative is i just have like functionally no religious community now because this friend i made at my last synagogue was a great friend!!!!! super friendly!!!!!!!!!!! too friendly in fact!!!!!!!!!!! and i tried reasserting that i was not interested in a relationship multiple times, i tried tolerating advances i wasn’t going to reciprocate and it just kept getting more physical, eventually i decided to get my rabbi there involved and i gotta say the response i got was disappointing at best!!!!!! this was maybe like november 2021 but it’s literally functionally cut me off from that community altogether here because i wasn’t thrilled about the drop in covid protocols and i’m certainly not more enthusiastic now that i’ve been sexually harassed just to have it brushed under the rug knowing this is an all too common reaction for jewish authorities to have!!! i literally feel like i can’t say anymore about it besides that but hey it kinda sucks!!!!!!!
that’s it dude, that’s all, i started a new comic way later than i should have but i did start it, and i’m living somewhere that kind of sucks the soul out of me but i won’t be investing a lot of time and money into a move this year not only because it’s tolerably under my sister and her husband’s roof instead of my mom’s but because rent is too fucking high for me to jump ship too. sure hope 2023 is a great year cuz it’s the last one i’ll have as a 20-something and the bar is certainly low after this one, i can’t even be more thoughtful or humble about this retrospective, i’m so tired of feeling like shit and having functionally no way to fix most of these problems
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So my dad came into my room this morning, asking if I’m actually going to do anything while at home, or if I’m just gonna laze in my bed the entire time I’m here (I’m on summer break, have been for almost 2 weeks). Also about a week ago, my mom told me to clean up my room so I can actually do something productive here, to which I have done very little of aside from move the stuff out that isn’t mine that they just threw in here
I’ll probably rant about the cleaning thing later, since I’m more frustrated about that than anything, but honestly, my problem is that I am just stuck in this state of limbo. I think the best word to describe me (and pretty much any time I’m here, or heck even just my mood in general) is bored. I’m incredibly bored. And so, my mind retreats into itself, being in this state of half aware, and half thinking about random things, trying to form thoughts. And it’s like, I think my brain is so used to being in this state that it just doesn’t want to do anything
Like I don’t want to be in this state of never doing anything, it’s boring and all I end up doing is rewatching the same videos, listening to the same music, playing video games (and even then it’s just Cookie Run at this point, with maybe a daily New Horizons check in. Anything else is a rarity). And I know I have things to do, like chores and stuff for college. But the problem is, getting myself to do anything outside of the status quo is an almost Herculean task and uphill battle that 95% of the time I end up losing. I want to do things, but it’s near impossible to fight my brain to actually do anything, it’s like I’m stuck in my own body, like it’s a prison, but I literally cannot force myself out of it. I say yes to literally any offer to do something by someone else because I have to try and force myself to leave and not be stuck in this state of limbo.
My dad asked me about my low grades this year, citing that I had no roommate or job to distract me, but to be honest, I think those things would have only helped, because it’s less time in limbo and more time in reality, possibly enough to get me to do things (not to mention a job would get me money). But the whole roommate thing was out of my control (I had one, but she didn’t live there), and applying for a job is one of the things my brain refuses to do, so I don’t know how to fix that
And I think this problem has been affecting me for at least the entire year, if not longer. I don’t like being like this, but I don’t know how to stop it
Also can I just swing back around to the room cleaning thing? I just need something to get my mind off this
Okay, so they want me to clean my room, go through my boxes and see what I don’t want/need anymore, and fair, there’s plenty of stuff I don’t use, but question, what am I supposed to do with the things I don’t want??? Because as far as I know, the only option is the trash
Like yeah, I don’t really want half of my books anymore, but what am I supposed to do with them? I’m not throwing these away! I do know a place that buys books, but it’s back at my university, which is an hour and a half drive from here. Or the printer and art tablet. My university has printers in the library you can use, and my major doesn’t really require printed things, and the tablet is for computer drawing, which I don’t really do anymore, I just use my iPad. But like hell we’re throwing those away, they’re expensive! A lot of this stuff I don’t think should just be thrown away, but what do I do with them then???
And where am I supposed to put the things that I do want? I have no storage anymore because they got rid of my shelves! Literally all I have are my desk which I keep clear for obvious reasons, the top of my dresser which is already full and has little space for things in general, a small nightstand which is already full, and boxes. And I can’t put things in my closet either, that’s already full of boxes! How do you expect me to clean my room if at the end of the day, everything still has to be in boxes? Like what do you expect of me?
And going and saying these things risks the idea of me sounding like an idiot, which I always feel like around them because I do not know what they want of me! Like, last week we were going shopping for a Mother’s Day gift, and my dad showed us a picture of a mug my mom wanted, and he just sort of told us to find it. We went and looked around the store for it (by which I mean a quick circle because my brother just decided to follow me instead of fan out) but it wasn’t there. And my dad was like, “did you not think to ask someone or something, you’re just giving up?” Well yes, I would have asked someone, but I remember you thinking that I shouldn’t just go up to workers and ask them things, since we should just find them ourselves, so I didn’t consider that an option! We literally do not know what you want from us! And on Sunday he was showing me how to mow the lawn and was getting annoyed that I didn’t know where to put the basket for the grass (or whatever it’s called) on the lawn mower, but I didn’t understand what he was talking about, and he was just getting increasingly frustrated. I don’t know what you mean by “underneath”, I’ve never used the lawn mower before, nor do I know the anatomy of this basket to know if you mean the underside of the basket (which I don’t even know what that is) or the bottom of the lawnmower, which I also do not know the anatomy of!
And yeah, I’ll admit I do act more an idiot around my parents, especially my dad, but when I don’t know what he wants, I don’t know how to interact with people and he expects me to immediately know and react to what he says, when I don’t. Also not to mention the fact that when I act even a little bit exasperated or have a bit of sass in my response, he raises his voice telling me to stop, at which point I do because I don’t want him angry at me, so my only option is to be an idiot who doesn’t know what’s happening. Not to mention the fact that I’m just generally not to.d things, like where we’re going. When I’m by myself, I’m allowed to be an idiot because there’s no one to criticize me, and I think I do better like that. Also, I know what I’m doing and where I’m going, instead of just being dragged along
*ahem* okay, I think I got carried away there, this is not at all what the original topic was. I think this is more three posts in one, sorry. I just needed to get these things off my chest, you feel me?
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So robin has always been a really good sleeper. Give or take a few random nights of refusing or being unsettled. But for the past three weeks he has been a nightmare. He will not settle and will not go to sleep. I’ve tried everything. Sticking to a routine. Bathing him. No tv or tablet. Sitting with him but it always ends the same with him refusing to go to sleep till 11pm. I’m exhausted because although it’s been the Easter holidays and we can lay in I’ve still had things that need to be done and places to go. Now we’re due back to preschool tomorrow and he’s still playing me up. I honestly have no clue what to do anymore. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I just want my evening back where I can have 5 minutes to myself.
I think that’s what’s made these past few weeks harder is that I’ve not had any time to myself. Rickis been off work for the past 8 days and hasn’t had robin once. I’ve taken him everywhere with me even though he could of had him. I can’t even eat my dinner in peace. And I know I should be use to this after living on my own for two years. But the fact is him moving in was meant to be so he can help me with Robin but I still feel I’m doing it on my own but now I have another person to look after. Honestly I just feel so resentful of him. I spent the whole day cleaning yesterday and looking after Robin. While he sat on his computer playing his game. I just don’t feel like it’s worth the fight to ask him to do anything. Because all I get in reply is well you go to work then and I’ll look after him. But I know he wouldn’t cope. And I also know Robin would never leave the house. He’s never taken robin out on his own without me. So how does he expect me to go to work and him deal with Robin when he won’t even leave the house alone with him. Robin hates being stuck indoors and I take him out everyday because that’s what he needs. I want nothing more than to have a lazy day at home chilling but I can’t do that because Robin needs the stimulation of being outside. I’m just so fed up and feel so alone and the lack of sleep isn’t helping.
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3, 19, and 35 for the writing ask :D
Oh lmao ok ok SO
I don’t have a lot of rituals, but…one ritual I do have is location. Depending on where I am, at what time of day, writing is either easier or harder. It’ll be in the morning, and I can write perfect at my computer.
Then suddenly it’s 12:05 PM and I have to be on the couch or I Can’t Write. I have zero reasoning for why my brain is like this, and it’s just so cursed. My father has found me pill bug curled up in one corner of the living room like “???” and I just looked up at him from my tablet like:
“The Energy is Here” 😂
So I officially started…hmm. I had a stint on FF.Net(the HORROR) that I wish someday I can restart a few of those fics, but then I disappeared because I. To put it simply I didn’t like writing back then. I thought I had to follow all these rules and I was so scared to have “Mary Sue” labeled and it was bluntly hell.
I started with two fandoms! Ninjago: Masters of Spinjitzu(I wish I could talk about this fandom more I have so much to say) and House of Anubis. I started because I loved these fandoms, still do, and wanted to try my hand at it. DIDN’T go well lmao, so I stopped until…first day at college. I was having a rough time of it, lost people in my life, and dealing with the transition into college from high school was so strange to me. I was lonely, suddenly all my friends were moving on but I was stuck. So I…decided I’d try to rejoin what looked to be a wonderful community of fanfic writers, and tried again.
Curse of Eden went so much better :’D and I’m so happy to have all my friends! I’m not all that scared anymore about talking to people, I enjoy fandoms and interests now, and I’m a hell of a lot more sociable and relaxed haha.
Now I’m still here, writing fanfics as my hobby and even original works! I’m excited to see where I go in the future, and I feel things can only go up more from here.
*looks around* Can - can I really say it…?
…Really…?
*ahem*
FUCK MARY SUES AND FUCK “REALISTIC” ENDINGS
I don’t give a shit if all these characters wouldn’t like my OC! I don’t give a shit if my OC is overpowered! I’m tired of acting like writing HAS to be some careful thought out, high stakes and high losses game every single time! I’M TIRED OF ACTING LIKE HAPPY ENDINGS WHERE EVERYONE TALKS TO EACH OTHER AND WORKS THINGS OUT IS A KID THING!!!
Look, I will not knock other writers - if that’s your jam, hell yeah, mad power and respect to you! I wish you nothing but the best and I hope you have many fun writing days ahead! But that’s what I’m here for: fun. And I’m gonna reflect that in my writing no matter what.
So what if I get a little OOC sometimes? Maybe I’m playing around with canon like a bunch of Barbie dolls but at least I’m smiling! So what if my character is suddenly everyone’s best friend, or has the perfect power set to protect everyone in canon?
Maybe I want to be the hero
Maybe I want to make sure everyone gets a happy ending. Canon be DAMNED.
I’m wrecking these rules with a sledgehammer, and I refuse to apologize for it.
#thanks Sonyat!#and sorry Sonyat 😂 I went off in that last question#but ahhh good to hear from you again hi 💜 sending good vibes your way bestie#talking fire
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