#i used to pretend i feared feeling good because i knew it just meant i would eventually feel not good again. but that ruins the mood huh) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cryptidghostgirl · 3 months

Note

Heya! I just found you and I knew that I immediately had to put in a request!! May I ask for Alastor x chubby reader?? With hurt and comfort?? Where a random demon makes her feel bad for being chubby and Alastor comforts her AND CONFESSES that he's in love with her 🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️ and then in true Alastor fashion he rips the demon apart for making reader feel bad PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

A/N of course!! this is good vibes. yes. 11/10 for the adorable scale. I've been writing so much angst,, the fluff request is so welcome. ALSO THIS GIF I FOUND FOR THE IMAGE OF THIS STORY IS SO CUTE WTF.

Sweet (Alastor x Chubby!Reader)

Pairing: Alastor x Reader

Warnings: Hurt//comfort, tw for body image stuff/issues, gore but make it cute, uh... fluff. Sickeningly sweet fluff. Extra TW body image stuff. May or may not have channeled some of my ten years experience with eds into this one besties, sorry about that.

Word Count: 3,330

Master Lists:

Master Lists

Hazbin Hotel Master List

The truth of it was: Y/n knew exactly how pretty she was. That didn't keep it from hurting when people made unprovoked, snide remarks about her weight. More than one thing can be true at the same time.

She was kind of used to it by now. People in the human world had been rude on occasion, she'd had doctors occasionally act discriminatorily towards her because of her weight, a shitty date or partner or two who told her to lose it, but it had been nothing in comparison to Hell. It was Hell after all, home to the worst of the worst. Y/n tried to toughen up, thicken her skin. After a life on earth and another fifteen years down below she couldn't help but feel like it shouldn't hurt anymore. It still always did.

This one had been particularly bad. Y/n had stepped out of the hotel, intent on meeting a friend for lunch. She'd gotten all dressed up for it too, in her favorite outfit with her makeup done all pretty. She hadn't just felt good stepping out, she'd known she was hot. There had been a spring in her step and a coy smile on her face as she lowered her heart shaped sunglasses from the top of her head.

Five minutes, four blocks. That's all it took.

"Jesus, who let you outside in that?" the man had laughed, "Cover that shit up, I'm gonna vomit."

Y/n had sent her friend a text, saying she wasn't feeling well. She had apologized and asked to reschedule. Y/n had gone home.

Angel Dust had tried to approach her as she had stormed into the lobby but, she had brushed him off, rushing to her room. Y/n hand't meant to be rude. She had every intention of finding him later to apologize, the tears had just been pressing hotly behind her eyes and she needed to be alone. She loved Angel, trusted him, through of him as a brother but god, she did not want to cry in front of him. Not right now anyways, not over something so... so... stupid.

Y/n slammed the door to her room harshly behind her as she entered it, throwing herself onto the bed and burying her face in the pillow. In the comfort of pinks and piles of stuffed animals, she sobbed.

It wasn't even the comment that was getting to her anymore, although it had been a particularly awful one. No, what was upsetting her now was how she'd let it get to her. She felt stupid and weak and more than anything in the world she just wanted to rip the clothes off her body along with her skin and disappear from the physical world.

Her shoulders shook harshly, the pillow now damp. She was sure her makeup was a mess but didn't care. It wasn't like anyone was going to see her anyways, not until tomorrow at least. Y/n was trying to get redeemed but she wasn't trying to get made fun of. If she could keep this to herself, she was going to.

It wasn't that she didn't trust the others in the hotel. Y/n actually trusted them more than about anyone she'd met in Hell up to this point. They were kind and caring, invested in themselves and one another even if they pretended they weren't. There was just the fear. There was always the fear, the internal need for perfection, to show no weakness.

Almost as if the universe was fucking with her, as if it could tell exactly what she didn't want, there was a knock at the door. Y/n groaned audibly into the pillow. Of course, just when she wanted to be left alone. The knock came again and she slowly sat up, still sniffling and hurriedly wiping her eyes.

"Uh, yeah." she called, trying her best to keep her voice from trembling and praying she didn't look too much of a mess even if it was probably just Charlie or Angel, "It's open. Sorry."

Y/n's eyes widened slightly in shock as Alastor opened the door. Out of everyone in the hotel, he was probably the person she knew the least. She made the effort of course. Despite knowing his status and his history, she tried to play nice and make friends. It was he who avoided her, not the other way around.

To be perfectly honest, Alastor made Y/n a bit nervous. It wasn't because of his reputation. They were in Hell for heaven's sake, everyone had one of those. No, it was the way her heart beat a little faster when he was in the room. It was the way that every time she looked at him, she secretly hoped she'd catch him looking at her too.

Alastor had never been in Y/n's room before. It was all satin and pink and lace. He couldn't help but think it suited her to a t. It was all perfect, she was perfect. Except here she was crying, just as Angel had said she might be.

What had happened was this: Alastor had over heard Angel saying something to Husk. They were at the bar, Angel was drinking as always, and saying he was worried about Y/n. Alastor had pressed and when Alastor pressed, he always got his way. Apparently Y/n had come back to the hotel mere minutes after having left to go get lunch with a friend. Angel said she had seemed really agitated, genuinely upset.

That had made Alastor angry. Not normal angry more delicate than that, more minute. It made him upset, he hurt for Y/n in her theoretical pain. He wasn't used to this whole feeling things thing. His body on autopilot, Alastor himself had been surprised when he found himself before her door, poised to knock.

Y/n watched him, her eyes glassy and her cheeks flushed. There were dark circles of mascara beneath her eyes that matched the stains on her pillow behind her and her pretty dress had a few wrinkles in it.

"Whatever is the matter, my dear?" Alastor asked, stepping fully in to the room.

"Oh, nothing." Y/n tried to brush him off, looking away towards the window as she pulled a stuffed animal into her lap.

It was her trembling lip that gave her away. Alastor let the door fall shut behind him. Y/n turned as she felt the bed dip beside her, her mouth slightly open.

"I would advise you not to lie to me."

He hadn't meant for it to sound like that. He saw the way Y/n stiffened instinctually at his words, at his tone. Alastor didn't know how to exist in a non threatening way, its how he'd lived his whole life in this world and the one before it. It was how he protected himself. He took a breath.

"What I mean," he slowly corrected himself, "is that you don't need to lie. I..."

He cleared his throat, uncomfortable with the way he was forcing himself to be honest. Honesty was, however, the only option. He saw the way Y/n's gaze was distant, her body tense. For the first time in his life, he wanted to help someone else. It was strange. Alastor submitted himself to the oddity of it all, the discomfort. It was his gift to her.

"I'm here to help."

"I..." Y/n trailed off, big wet tears pooling in her eyes, "It's nothing. I'm okay, really. It's stupid."

With a gentleness that surprised both of them, Alastor lifted a hand to her face, wiping a stray tear. He held it on the tip of his finger before his eyes, examining the way a jeweler would a diamond.

"If it's upsetting you this deeply, it's not stupid."

That was the last straw. Y/n, unable to hold herself back any longer, collapsed into his chest. Her body shook with sobs. Alastor held his arms out, unsure of what to do with them. It took him a second to comply with her unspoken request, wrapping them around her. He found himself rubbing small circles on her back, trying to soothe her.

There was a reason Alastor avoided Y/n and it was that the demoness made him feel things. Things he was unaccustomed to feeling, things that felt dangerous in their warmth and care. Bubbly little things that got caught in his chest and tied up his tongue. If he had thought about his actions, he wouldn't have come to her side but he hadn't and so, here he was. This was all unknown territory, he felt blind and alone in the dark. Alastor didn't like that.

They stayed like that for several minutes until Y/n was finally able to regain some control of her breathing. She calmed herself methodically, as if it was a ritual she was well practiced in. Alastor found himself wondering how many times she had felt like this, reacted to something in her life like this, and had no one there to hold her. He didn't like that thought. He couldn't decide what was worse, if no one ever had been there or if there was someone else who she wanted in times like this, someone other than him. Someone better, more well versed in the delicate intricacies of emotion.

She lifted herself from his chest, his arms falling from her back to his sides as she wiped the last few stray tears.

"I'm sorry." she half laughed, "I don't know what came over me... and I've ruined your suit."

Alastor looked down. There were indeed black stains from her running makeup on his jacket. Normally such a thing would irritate him to no end, anger him even. It was Y/n who had made them however and so, he didn't care. He turned back to her, shaking his head slightly.

"Nothing a wash can't fix. Now, why don't you tell me what happened?"

"It's stupid." Y/n shook her head, her eyes finding her hands in her lap.

She still held the stuffed animal there, a rabbit. She fiddled with it's ears absent mindedely, twisting them and rubbing them in a practiced manner.

"Y/n." Alastor gently warned and she sighed.

"It's just... something someone said to me. That's all."

Alastor's brow furrowed slightly at the notion.

"What did they say? Who was it?"

The words had fallen from him quicker than he had meant them to, more earnestly. He was grateful Y/n seemed to stuck in her own world to notice such a thing.

"Just some asshole making a comment about my weight. Saying that I shouldn't wear what I wear, saying the sight of me made them nauseous. The normal dickwad stuff. I should be used to it by now, I've been chubby all my life but... I don't know. It still just makes me want to disappear. To rip myself apart by the fistful, you know?"

Y/n looked up at Alastor when he didn't respond, her cheeks red with embaressment.

"I told you, it's du-"

"Who the fuck said it?" he asked through gritted teeth, trying his best to remain calm.

"Alastor, it's fine." Y/n sighed, "I don't know why you're getting so worked up about it. Like I said, I've heard it all before."

She made to turn back to the plushie in her lap but before she could, Alastor cupped her face gently in his hands.

"Al... what are you..."

"Y/n, you are stunning."

There he went again, not thinking. Y/n was dangerous, to be avoided. She paraded around in her sweet sundresses and angelic disposition, practically unfit to have been sent to Hell in the first place. She was the simple syrup in lemonade, she was the best mixed drink.

Her tongue ran gently over her lips, an innocent and thoughtless gesture on her part that sent his mind reeling as she mulled over his words. Her brow furrowed.

"Alastor, I-"

"You are the most beautiful person I have ever laid eyes on, living or dead."

There he went again, his tongue a million miles ahead of his brain. Y/n let out a light laugh, her head still in his hands.

"What?" Alastor asked, feeling the heat rush to his cheeks, "I mean it."

"I thought you hated me." Y/n confessed.

"Far from it, my sweet."

His voice was barley more than a whisper. Y/n looked away.

"You drive me to distraction."

Her presence was like some strange truth serum rushing through his veins, now he had started, he couldn't seem to stop.

"I've never... You're unlike anyone I've ever met. You shine in this dark place."

"Alastor, this is a lot." Y/n admitted after a moment.

"My apologies." he let go of her face, his heart sinking, "I did not intend to make you feel worse."

He should have known. Alastor, in his foolish frenzy, had forgotten himself, his legacy, his persona. How could someone as sweet as a sun ripened strawberry stolen straight from the bush feel anything towards him save fear?

"I'll go."

Alastor made to get up, had every intent to actually leave and give Y/n her space. At the felling of her small hand on his arm, he paused and turned back to her.

Y/n's face was bright red, she refused to meet his gaze. Her arm not holding him was wrapped tightly around her stuffed animal like a charm.

"No, please." she took a deep breath, meeting his eyes once again at last, "I... I think... you're rather... handsome... as well."

Her speech was halting, uncertain in its anxiety. His smile widened.

"You do now, do you?" he asked, lifting her head a little higher with a finger beneath her chin.

"Oh hush." she scolded him, "If anyone was going to lie out of the pair of us, I'm pretty sure it'd be you. I am trying to be redeemed, in case you've forgotten, and you probably just want my soul or some shit."

"How can I prove to you that the only way I want your soul is given willingly and out of contract?"

Y/n laughed again, a genuine joy.

"Pinky promise me."

She held up a hand and Alastor quickly locked pinkies with her.

"I meant every word I said. I've had... eyes for you for a while now. You are the rosy fingered dawn. You are... you're you. You are Y/n."

"I am Y/n, aren't I." she smiled cockily back.

It was a relief to see her return to her normal confident self.

"I meant everything I said too. I've... I've had eyes for you too, or whatever."

She looked away, her cheeks even brighter pink than before. Alastor let go of her pinky and, leaning forward, pressed a soft and tentative kiss to the top of their head. Y/n immediately snapped her head back to him. Before he could register what was happening, she had tackled him in a hug, throwing them both to the bed.

Looking down at him from her perch on his lap, she smiled brightly.

"Can I kiss you?"

The question took him by surprise. He had never kissed anyone before save the tender kiss on the cheek reserved for dear friends and close family. He hesitated in indecision, in uncertainty.

"You're allowed to say no." Y/n followed up, noticing his apparent discomfort, "I don't want to move things too fast for you."

Alastor shook his head, the truth of his own desire unexpected even to him.

"No. You can."

Y/n's smile widened as they dipped down, pecking him on the lips. His cheeks warmed as she straightened herself up again, her hands pressed flat against his chest.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that for."

She smelled sweet, she looked sweet, god, she probably even tasted sweet. His tongue darted out of his mouth across his lips jus ever so slightly, the flavor of her strawberry lipgloss fueling his infatuation.

"Do that again."

It didn't take long for Alastor to track down the demon in question that had sent Y/n spiraling that afternoon. After their promise had been made and she had agreed to the date he had proposed for the next day, she had spilled everything. Her head in his lap as he had run his fingers through her hair, she had complained liberally about the demon. Her complaints had, thankfully, included a full description of the man.

Once the hour was late and he was sure she was fast asleep along with everyone else in the hotel, Alastor had slipped out onto the streets. The demon was, of course, easy to locate. He was loud and distinctive. Alastor found him drunk in a bar harassing a woman. He watched, waiting patiently until the man left and when he did, Alastor followed him.

He cornered the demon, sending his shadows to torment the man. He was on his knees close to tears by the time Alastor finally decided to join in on the fun. He leered down at the demon, grinning from ear to ear.

"I heard you said something rather cruel today." he hummed.

"I didn't!" the man pleaded, "I swear!"

"Not even to a pretty little demon in heart shaped sunglasses?"

The man's eyes widened slightly in obvious recollection.

"I... fuck, I didn't know. I swear, I didn't know who she was. I didn't know she was with you!"

Alastor stretched in the darkness of the ally, his horns growing thorny and tall as he entered his true demon form. The man trembled in fear. It was pathetic, truly.

"It doesn't matter. You ruined her plans for the day and so, in return, I am going to ruin you."

With those final words, he pounced. The tongue of the man was the first thing to go, ripped with great force from his throat and tossed to the side.

Next were his ears, Alastor tore them from his head slowly. The man screamed, a choked and guttural sound through the blood in his throat. Alastor laughed shamelessly, his claws finding a home in the demon's stomach next.

He disemboweled the man with ease, careful to keep everything connected so he was still alive. Then, he went for the eyes, gouging them out in harsh slashing movements. Alastor straightened himself, looking down upon his mess of a creation.

"I would say that next time you will think before saying something like that again but, I think we both know there wont be a next time."

A strange sound left the demons throat, obviously a plea of mercy. Without a tongue, he could not articulate his wishes.

"What?" Alastor asked, putting a hand to his ear as he slowly returned to his normal appearance, "I am sorry but could you say that again? I couldn't quite make it out."

Another strangled, desperate sound left the man's throat. Alastor laughed.

"Well, I've given you a chance to beg for your life and you have chosen not to take it." he taunted, leaning back over the man, "I supposed that means you have opted for death. Very well."

In a single, swift movement he tore the man's throat from his neck. The demon twitched under him for a few seconds longer before at last stilling in death. Alastor examined his work for a moment before pulling himself to his feet. Without a glance back towards the body, he straightened his jacket and let his shadows take him from the ally.

Y/n was under his protection now. He had tried so long to avoid the call, the weakness, her charms pulling him in. At long last, he had succumbed and under his watch, no one was going to ever make her feel anything less than perfect ever again.

----

A/N This is the first time I have ever written something like this, I hope it was okay.

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jadeylovesmarvelxo · 2 months

Text

You and Eddie take comfort in each other when his nightmares become hard to handle.

Comfort and fluffy, this is an 18+ blog so minors shoo! Idiots in love, jealous reader. Sleeping together for comfort (no sex)

❤️

It started two weeks after Eddie was discharged from hospital, he tried to settle at his and Wayne's new trailer but every time he closed his eyes he could hear the chittering of the demobats, feel them tearing at his skin.

He had died. Actually died. It was just for a minute but the memory still haunted him, he remembered how much pain he felt in what he was certain was his final moments on earth, all the regrets and things he wished he had been brave enough to do.

Miraculously he survived but the scars remained and the terror of what he went through would come back to haunt him in the deep of night.

He sought out solace in the one person besides Wayne who he felt safe with. You. Snuck into your bedroom through your window like he did when the two of you were kids.

Just one look at how broken Eddie looked, how terrified and ridden with anxiety and lack of sleep had you reaching out to him. You led him into bed and just held him, soothing away his fears and the frightening images in his head.

It was the first time in weeks that you both slept well. Eddie's death was a recurring nightmare of yours, so to have him beside you, sleeping soundly as you lay entwined together, soothed you.

It was meant to be just one night, but then Eddie would come to your house night after night, so much so that you had grown so used to his presence, would offer to stay with him at Wayne's some nights too.

Wayne never mentioned anything, all he knew was Eddie was sleeping better than he had in a while and that's all he cared about.

Of course he knew that his nephew and you were head over heels in love with each other but that was something the two of you had to figure out for yourselves...

Maybe with the tiniest nudges from him.

❤️

Eddie had a date, you were helping pick out an outfit while fighting the strangest feeling in the pit of your stomach. This gnawing ache that wouldn't go away at the thought of Eddie with this girl who was called Selene.

This was a good thing you reminded yourself, Eddie was finally getting back out there. His nightmares were practically non existent now, you two were closer than ever so Eddie dating someone wouldn't change that.

"So uh I guess you won't be coming over later? I mean if you and Selene hit it off then we obviously can't continue sleeping together"

Not in a sexual way, there hadn't been any sex but you couldn't deny there were times where you wanted to lean over and kiss Eddie, feel his plush lips against yours. Make a move.

Then you would dismiss the idea because Eddie only saw you as a friend, you missed any chance you could have had even if there was a slight possibility he felt the same way.

Eddie stares at you for a second, something flickering in his big brown eyes before he clears his throat and nods. "Yeah, I guess"

The confirmation makes your heart sink, you blink away tears and avoid his eyes, bury the sad feelings down and try to be happy that Eddie had met someone so nice.

Selene was a friend of Gareth's who had visited him a few days ago and immediately zeroed in on Eddie. She was gorgeous and super confident. Asked Eddie out there and then and when he told you the news looking slightly stunned, you had to pretend that hearing it didn't hurt like a bitch.

When Eddie heads off on the date you feel despondent and head up to your room, try to take your mind off what's happening.

Neither you or Eddie slept well that night.

...

Everything feels off, deep down Eddie knows why and it scares the hell out of him so he avoids thinking about the why and focuses on his second date with Selene.

Not being with you for the last two nights was quite frankly shit but he was trying to get past that. Trying to avoid the deeper meanings of why he was so angsty when he wasn't with you.

His avoidance of the subject didn't last long as Selene stayed over for one night for their second date. It felt strange having Selene with him and not you, it just didn't feel right.

His heart ached for you and he knew right then that this thing with Selene wouldn't work, they had only been on two dates but he knew she wasn't the one for him.

He knew that the only person he felt truly safe and that he could be himself with was you. His decision was solified during that night as he fell asleep while he and Selene were watching a film.

The nightmares came back. They weren't as bad as they usually were but they still caused him to yell out, screaming in panic.

Selene would barely even look at him, tried to comfort him but he only wanted comfort from you. It seemed like a relief to her as well when he said that he didn't think they would work out.

He drove to yours as soon as she left and seeing you was the only time in the last few days that he felt at peace.

"Weren't you hanging with Selene tonight?" You ask confused and he shakes his head.

"Nah princess, we aren't going to see each other anymore. Anyway I brought snacks and a movie if you're interested" smiling and feeling strangely elated that he's here with you and him and Selene are no more, you invite him in.

When you fall asleep in his arms later that night he watches you for a few seconds, you fit so perfectly with him. He felt content and that he could stay in this moment forever.

Jesus h Christ he was being corny as shit but he guesses that's what happened when you were in love.

Wait. His eyes widen and he almost startles you awake as he sits upright. He was in love with you?

You whimper from the loss of contact and mumble reaching out for Eddie's embrace.

In that moment Eddie knows he's a goner for you. If only he was brave enough to tell you. He had faced down hoards of demobats and survived, he was a badass if he was being honest.

But this? Being totally vulnerable and admitting he was in love for the first time, not puppy love or a dumb crush or fling. He was really truly in love with you and it was terrifying Eddie that he had to tell you.

And he would. He was Eddie the Brave after all.

But not tonight. Tonight he just wanted to hold you close and slip into a peaceful slumber with you snugly ensconced in his arms.

Tomorrow. He would tell you tomorrow.

💞

❤️🫶

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson angst #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson comfort

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thisdreamplace · 9 months

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for those who struggle

i recently got sent an anon message about frustrations surrounding the law, and how non-dualism hasn't made it any easier for them, but actually just more frustrating to the point where they're officially walking away from everything and wanting to just go back to live as they knew it before any of this.

the truth is that, oversimplification runs rampant in this community. as well as, hiding behind the realities of how difficult it all can be, because people are afraid of affirming that it's difficult or identifying with difficulty... but when we hide from this experience and try to come off as if it doesn't affect us, while simultaneously trying to give out advice, there tends to be more damage than good happening. the oversimplifying isn't the fault of anyone, as the truth is most of this is simple. but in actually living it, it tends to not be simple at all. the ego will fight till the very end to keep things the way they are, even when they hurt us. and that is worth being honest about.

when it comes to non-identification and indifference, this is not meant to be used to as yet another way to pretend something isn't happening or push down your feelings or gaslight yourself. i see these posts like, "just ignore the 3d and don't identify with it and you would have already have what you wanted" ..... this doesn't actually really help anyone, unless you're a person who strives on that kind of mentality. but i think a lot of people need a little more gentleness and realness, otherwise this journey wouldn't have been so difficult and painful. we'd all just get it overnight, but clearly, this community stays extremely active for a reason. because the million ways its already been explained still leaves so many confused and frustrated.

indifference is a daily practice, and it is NOT one that includes pretending something doesn't exist in exchange for getting what you want. it is actually, the extreme opposite. it's by acknowledging what's there... and allowing that to be what it is. the non-identification comes in from how you choose to see YOURSELF in relation to whatever that thing is. "this is painful, this sucks, i hate it... but that doesn't mean tomorrow won't be better for me. it doesn't mean my life is doomed..." etc etc etc. it's this very small flip within yourself, that actually leads to results. not trying to force yourself into believing you aren't even who you are when you've identified as yourself this entire life. remember that god's name is I AM, and literally nothing else.

and doing something to get something else is just... not it. it's time for you to truly want to feel better, regardless of anything else. that's why so much of this starts to get trickier than it needs to be.

non-identification is literally as simple as realizing... you are bound to no past, and you have the opportunity of every future you can possibly imagine. why ? because non-identification is literally just non-attachment. when you're not attached to this idea of who you were, of the struggles you used to face, you're able to allow in different experiences. and y'all... this as simple as being able to say to yourself, "i am allowed to experience something new" and don't let your fear of the unknown stop you from experiencing something new.

here's where it doesn't feel so simple though. how can you just stop identifying with this whole human self when the traumas of the past keep coming back to haunt you ? thats the thing. you don't just stop identifying with it. you let this be a process, a non-linear path to liberation. slowly, but surely, if you keep at it everyday, even when you feel you're only going backwards... one day you will realize how much more free you are. how much more easier it is to move into a new beautiful story for yourself, one that isn't contiminated by your past. but let today be today ! and whatever may come, let it come.

this is why just focusing on yourself is so helpful because if you're simply doing the best you can for yourself and your feeling state, the daily dramas are no longer your ruler.

the gag is that, the more you just do these small daily practices of sitting with yourself, choosing to not engage in the stories you used to identify with in the past, and allow new experiences to come to you... the more easy it gets, the more the truth of yourself begins to show itself on its own. you have to realize that the days are going to keep passing by anyway... so stop counting them, and just commit to yourself.

i also want to quickly note that so many seem to leave out the fact that behind all of this, within the pure nothingness that is also everything. behind our human identifications and all the things we have experienced in our lives, there is unconditional love. and when we actually begin to stop identifying so deeply with who we thought we are, we are lead right back to unconditional love. love in its purest form. so, use love as your guide when things get too difficult. it's the truest thing to who you really are.

you have to let allow yourself to experience the beautiful, despite how strange it may feel. because it's going to feel strange if you've never really experienced it before, and the ego is going to fight because even when it's good, the unknown is still strange and scary. and you never have to be perfect at this to get to experience the things you want, believe it or not. i know that i still have a long way to go on this journey, there may be much more time before i ever get to fully experience the promise in full, but that hasn't stopped me from experiencing the desires of my heart on a daily basis. that's because i used these simple things, these small little flips in how i chose to see life. even if the anxiety never went away, or it was a more difficult day full of tears... this is way more possible for you than you realize. if only you're willing to allow your life to be different than it's always been. just that small allowance, opens up all the doors.

xo dream 🕊

#nonduality #nondualism #law of assumption

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mangekyuou · 4 months

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Hi. If you're comfortable with writing this ( if not, please feel free to ignore, no pressure on you, I really really appreciate your hardwork & I love your writing thank you so much for all of this amazing fanfics you keep bringing!! 💗💗💗💗 ), may i request some angst where Zoro & gn!reader gets into a heated argument with each other which leads to reader wanting to break up with him?

★ WHAT ONCE WAS! roronoa zoro ★

── pairing. zoro x gn!reader.

── summary. change was something you feared. but it had happened before your very eyes as you watched your long-term boyfriend train to take on unknown dangers out on the sea. you can’t even recognize him anymore.

── cw(s). angst. gn!reader. no pronouns used. shitty summary. reader says something kinda mean. zoro being kind of a jerk. takes place pre-timeskip before zoro leaves the shimotsuki village. mentions of kuina.

── wc. 1.2k.

── notepad. i actually been so long since i’ve written something angsty that just stayed angsty. it hurt my soul just enough. so thank you so much for this !! i know the rq says that the reader wants to break up, but this one is kind of a mutual break up

things just kind of happen, don’t they? everything feels fine one moment, but the next moment not so much. people change all the time, even when you don’t want them to. maybe, you were afraid of change. maybe, you were just afraid of him changing.

he didn’t hold you anymore. when the sun had fallen to rest, and the moon had taken its place to shine silvery blue in the cool night sky. not once had his arms draped over your body like they used to. he hadn’t even faced you, as he drifted into the world of dreams. most nights, he did not even come to bed.

instead of lying beside you until sunrise, he found himself striking a dummy a hundred times with the same attacks to perfect them. instead of breathing in your cozy scent, he had pushed his mortal body way beyond its limits.

he didn’t kiss you like he did before, full of passion and love. his strong hands cradled your face as he kissed like every time would be the last one. instead, he had settled for quick pecks to the side of your temple, as he muttered “love you” against your warm skin. hardly even a moment later, he would be out the door. he didn’t even give you a chance to say it back. he never even said ‘i love you’ anymore.

maybe it was a minor thing to gripe about for some people, for it to be those special three words instead of the two. but it meant a lot to you, and he knew that. or at least you thought your boyfriend of several years would have known that.

you made up excuses, anything to keep you from believing that the man you loved more than anything was changing before your very eyes more and more every day. you found yourself thinking questions you never wanted to think about.

does he care anymore? was he no longer attracted to you? did he even love you anymore? had he ever even loved you?

it filled you with so much dread, to the point it was overwhelming. it was getting harder and harder to keep how you were feeling behind the closed door of your, well once shared bedroom.

you couldn’t keep going on like this. going on like everything was fine when it wasn’t. pretending to be fine, as you watched your neglectful boyfriend exert himself to near injury in the name of becoming the world’s greatest swordsman.

now he was talking about leaving the village to challenge dracule mihawk to a duel? you loved him dearly, but you heard one too many stories about “hawk-eyes”, none of them were good. allowing your boyfriend to even set foot off this island was sending him to an early grave.

you believed in him, sure. one day he would be the greatest swordsman. but for once, you just wanted him to be realistic and realize that that day will not be tomorrow, it won’t be next week, it won’t be next month.

why doesn’t he understand you feel this way because you care about him?

“zoro…” you say gently, standing at the door frame of the dojo.

the swordsman was still swinging away at the wooden dummy that was a few swings away from falling apart. of course, he didn’t hear you the first time. he never did.

“zoro” your voice was much louder this time, finally grabbing his attention. “huh?” was all he even said before he went back to swinging at the dummy. he didn’t even spare you a glance.

“can we talk, please? it’s important.”

“just say what you’re going to say, ( y/n )”

“WILL YOU PUT DOWN THOSE LOUSY SWORDS AND LOOK AT ME!”

you didn’t mean that. you knew just how much his swords meant to him, especially the one dawning a pure white hilt. you knew what his dream meant to him. you were just angry. frustrated. tired.

you watched as he sheathed the swords, and did as you said. his expression was stone cold. it was like looking at a whole new man. never had he ever looked at you like that. you knew what you said hurt his feelings.

“if you’re still trying to talk me out of leaving, forget it. if i don’t do it now then…”

“THEN WHAT?! you’ve never been out of the east blue! and you’ll be a DEAD MAN if you challenge a shichibukai!” you couldn’t stop yourself from yelling. “you don’t know what lies ahead of you in the other seas, zoro! i’m just trying to help you!”

“i never ASKED for your help!” he retorted, clenching his fist around the hilt of one of his swords. he continued, “i never WANTED your help! i never NEEDED your help!”

a silence filled the room, as your face dropped and your heart sank into the dark void of your body. you opened your mouth to speak, but you couldn’t even form the words you wanted to. you weren’t even exactly sure what those words were.

“if i don’t do this now…then i may never have a chance to do it again. i have to do this, I thought you understood that.” his voice was full of disappointment, as he turned his back to you, as if you had meant nothing, as if this has all meant NOTHING.

you balled your fists, “i do understand that! but i also understand that there are battles that we are not prepared for just yet! kuina meant a lot to you, zoro. her dream has become yours, and you want nothing more than to achieve that for her. but you are not ready. letting you go would be suicide! kuina would not want that!”

“YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT SHE WOULD HAVE WANTED! YOU DIDN’T EVEN KNOW HER!” he snapped at you.

“YOU’RE RIGHT! I DIDN’T! BUT I KNEW SHE WOULDN’T WANT HER FRIEND DEAD! AND I’M NOT GOING TO SIT BACK AND LET THAT HAPPEN TO YOU!”

“then don’t. leave.”

“…what?”

just like that, you felt everything crash around you. leave? what did he mean 'leave'? leave and go where? how could you leave when this was all you knew? HE was all you knew. you were each other’s firsts. how….could you just leave?

how could he throw everything away? everything you were willing to stay and fix.

“leave! you don’t want to be here then go. nobody’s stopping you.”

he made it clear.

it couldn’t be any clearer than that.

with shaking hands, you slowly turned on your heel, putting one foot in front of the other, walking out of the dojo, walking away from your first love, walking away from the man you thought you would spend the rest of your life with.

you had hoped, he would have stopped you. that he would drop his swords and chase after you, pull you into a hug, and apologize for what he said. you had hoped you just start over, like none of this ever happened. that he would see that you meant well, that you just wanted to keep him safe, that he would stay here with you.

but that didn’t happen. tears flooded your cheeks, as you continued to walk home without him.

it was over, wasn’t it?

#☆ — MY LOVE MINE ALL MINE.#one piece #one piece x reader #roronoa zoro #zoro roronoa #zoro #zoro roronoa x reader #roronoa zoro x reader #zoro x reader #zoro oneshots #zoro scenarios #zoro imagines #zoro headcanons #zoro angst #one piece oneshots #one piece scenarios #one piece imagines #one piece headcanons #one piece angst

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promiscuouscutie · 9 months

Text

All Yours pt. 5

Ethan Landry x fem. Reader, reader is a little naive and Ethan’s obsessed, eventual smut

Part 6, Part 7, Part 8 Word Count: 1657

Warnings: mentions of attempted murder, Ethan having dirty thoughts as usual lol

You put your dishes away, barely listening to Anika’s voice. You were thinking about Ethan. You wish he kissed you earlier. It looked like he wanted to. Why didn’t he? Was there something on my face? Did he all of sudden lose interest in me? You began to feel insecure.

“Did you even hear what I said?” Anika almost shouts. Your eyes widen and you apologize. “I’m sorry! I know you’re worried about our friends. I am too.”

“Are you?” You felt taken back, offended. Anika can see your obviously hurt expression, immediately looking down at the wooden floor. “I’m sorry. I don’t…I didn’t actually mean that.”

“Then what did you mean, Ani?” You snap at her with an attitude. She was surprised by your tone. She sighs heavily and leans against her hand on the counter.

“Mindy’s just getting to me is all. You know she’s been pointing fingers at you, me, and Ethan.” You sigh, agreeing with her. Mindy was a horror fanatic through and through. She knew all the tells, all the tropes. After the murders on campus, she immediately started accusing you and the others. You knew she meant well; she’s scared. You all were.

“It can’t be one of us,” you state.

“Why not?”

“Because I refuse to accept that. We’re all good friends! We haven’t done anything to each other.”

“But one of us could have a secret vendetta. Did you ever think about that?” You practically laugh at the idea.

“I don’t think any of us are capable of killing. I know I’m certainly not. I couldn’t take a life.”

“Well you can tell Mindy that. Because she still thinks it could be you. Actually, she’s been putting all her money on Ethan.” Your ears perk up at the mention of his name. Ethan? Sweet Ethan?

“No way! It can’t be him.”

“Oh? Why not?” Anika smirks. You know she’s not blind. You care about him more than the others, whether you’ll admit it or not. Her question is a test.

“Ethan freaks out any time he sees an insect. You really think someone like that could kill a person?”

“He could just pretend to freak out so you’ll comfort him. You always do,” she points out. You thought about it; she wasn’t totally wrong. You did always calm him down. One time he saw a spider in his room and he practically jumped to the ceiling shouting cuss words. You calmly took the spider and brought it outside, careful not to hurt it. He looked incredibly anxious when you held it, telling him it was going to be okay. But faking it? No way.

Anika’s phone vibrates. Yours does the same. You both read the group text sent by Tara, and the color drains from your faces.

“Oh my god!” You both grab your bags and rush out the door, even forgetting to turn the TV off.

The whole group is gathered in Sam’s apartment, watching a movie to distract from the fear in the air. You were squished between Ethan and Mindy, keeping quiet.

30 minutes ago, you and Anika were comforting the Carpenter sisters. They were attacked by Ghostface, almost killed by a shotgun. Tara was hysterical, and Sam appeared shut down. Mindy and Chad arrived shortly after, and Ethan was the last to come. He claimed he was with his father, which you believed. Mindy was skeptical of course, but when was she not?

Chad suggested watching a movie to calm the nerves. After some debate, you all settled on Jennifer’s Body. Ethan chose to sit next to you before anyone else could claim the spot. Mindy took your left to sit with her girlfriend and the others were in chairs or on the floor.

Throughout the movie, you swore you could feel Ethan’s eyes on you. You felt his fingers graze your hand, as if debating to hold it. You thought it was cute. He’s too nervous to ask. You finally take his hand into yours and smile at him, as if to tell him it’s okay. His face reddens before he looks back at the TV, smiling.

He wants to kiss you so badly right now. He almost did earlier. He was so close, so close to feeling those soft lips on his. But no. Duty calls. He took his frustration out on the Carpenter sisters, hoping to kill them and make himself feel better. But they got away, damn them. Fucking bitches.

You notice Tara leaning on Chad’s shoulder, completely passed out. You could see her mascara under her eyes from the tears; she looked exhausted, mentally exhausted. You began to feel nervous. Would Ghostface attack you next? Mindy? Anika? Chad? Quinn? Ethan?

“Should I put her in her room?” Chad asks Sam. She sighs, staring at her little sister. “Yeah. Thanks, Chad.” Chad smiles and picks Tara up carefully, walking to her room. Sam sets the remote down on the coffee table and stands up from her chair.

“I’d like it if you all slept over. That way I know you’re all safe. I’ve got blankets and pillows. Just..figure out who’s sleeping where in here.”

You and the others nod before she walks off. The four of you look at each other awkwardly. Mindy yawns and stretches her arms up. “Well I say Ani and I get the couch since we’re a couple. You got a problem with that?”

“No,” you and Ethan say in sync. Mindy smiles. “Great! You guys can sleep on the floor.” Ethan rolls his eyes at her, which you notice. You laugh a little as you set your purse by a chair, planning to just sleep in it. Maybe your back would hurt a little in the morning, but it would be better than the pain from sleeping on the floor.

Ethan brings the other chair next to yours, as if to sleep next to you. Sam comes back out with pillows and blankets, handing them to all of you. “If you need anything else, let me know. I’ll be up for a little longer.”

Mindy and Anika cuddle on the couch, already passed out. The only ones watching the movie were you and Ethan. You were covering yourself with a gray blanket, holding yourself for warmth. Ethan is still awake, occasionally stealing glances at you.

You look back at the girls, checking if they were still asleep. You slide your hand under Ethan’s blanket, searching for his hand. Ethan sees this, almost flinching. In his eyes, it looked like you were going for his dick. You? Being inappropriate? Right in front of your friends?

Of course you weren’t doing that. You found his hand and squeezed it, taking him out of his fantasies. “Ethan? Can I ask you something?” You whisper to him.

“Anything,” he smiles.

“Were you gonna kiss me earlier?” You ask. Ethan looks at your lips. “Yes.”

“Why didn’t you do it before you left me?”

“I thought the moment was ruined.” You sit up in your chair, pulling the blanket down to your lap. You start staring at his lips too, biting the inside of your cheek.

“Would you kiss me now?” Ethan’s brain starts to combust. You amazing, pretty girl.

“Do you want that?” He asks. He wants to make sure this is what you want. He wants you to feel safe with him. You move closer to him and touch his shoulder, as if to hold onto him. “Please, Ethan? I wanna kiss you.” Your voice sounds a little whiny, sending Ethan over the edge. If you used that voice on him again, he might just crumble to your feet.

He has imagined this moment, dreamt about it. He can’t mess up. He wants it to be perfect for you.

He presses his lips against yours, and your hands go to cup his face. This was heaven for him. He couldn’t believe this was happening. Your body, right in his hands. He grips your waist, squeezing it. You feel him pull you closer, and you let him. You want to be against him, to feel his warmth. Where is this going? Are we just kissing? Is something else going to happen?

You try to look over at the couch, trying to check if the girls were still asleep. When you break the kiss, you hear Ethan whine a little at the loss of your lips. He starts to kiss down your neck as his hands wander downward. You gasp, almost too loud. “Ethan! What if someone sees?” You nervously whisper to him.

He pauses. I don’t care. I’d fuck you right now regardless. But you didn’t think like that; he knew that. He looks over his shoulder, feeling relieved to see the girls still passed out. “They’re asleep.” He looks at you again, noticing how you’re fiddling with the string on your shorts. You look nervous. It’s cute to him. He likes that. But what if you weren’t ready to do more?

He takes his hands off your ass, moving back to your waist. “We can stop if you want,” he says softly. He notices your eyes shift down, avoiding his.

You like kissing him. You like touching him. You’ve been thinking about him recently in a romantic way. And yet, you didn’t feel ready to go further. You felt embarrassed, immature. He squeezes your waist again. “I mean it. We can stop.”

“Okay,” you finally say. His hands leave your waist. “Do you wanna go to sleep?” He asks, as if to ease you.

“Mhm. I’m feeling tired.” He nods, pulling your blanket up for you. You grab onto it, holding it over your chest. You lean against his shoulder, still wanting to be close to him. He allows this, accepts it immediately.

He watches you close your eyes, slowly drifting away. He smiles to himself. All mine. My sweet, dumb thing.

Tag-list: @ssnapsaurus @wenvierismycomfort @Iloyd907 @ch9mpi0n @c0untryclub @stabmemaybe @libraryfairy02

#scream vi #scream 6 smut #ethan landry #ethan landry imagine #ethan landry smut #ethan landry x reader #corruption kink #eventual smut #young and naive

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cursedvida · 8 months

Note

Something about Y/N is a bounty hunter and she has been hired to catch Buggy. She infiltrates his crew to gain access to him. At first she thinks he's crazy and ridiculous duda with all his shows and bravado, but eventually she realises that she has feelings for him?

Well i liked this prompt so... I made something angst because yeah.

PART II // PART III // PART IV // PART V // PART VI // PART VII

SAD EYES, BROKEN SMILE (Buggy x f!Reader)

A/N: i'm not really happy about the result but english isn't my first language and it's been a while since i used to write in this language. Sorry for the typos.

Warnings: just angst, swearing and the reader falling for a sad clown.

Wondering how you could have got in that situation was redundant. You knew perfectly well why you were there. It was part of your job, if hunting pirates could be considered as such. Well, it fed you, and for a person who cared little or nothing about anything but staying alive, how you got things was secondary. So when you received the assignment to hunt down Buggy the Clown for almost double his bounty you didn't have to think too hard about it. With an amount like that you could rest for several months without worrying about the money. You didn't know or care about who was after this guy or what they wanted to do with him, all you could see was the string of zeros in the offer. At the time that was enough for you.

But that thought only lasted for a short period of time. The Clown was not just another regular pirate, he was a big shot. The guy had been nominated as a candidate to be a Warlord, which meant he was no ordinary pirate, and his special skills - which you had researched - made him someone not to be underestimated.

Whoever was interested in getting him had to have good reasons, something you were not interested in at all, but as you got to know your target better you blamed yourself for not having demanded a higher price. Especially since catching Buggy was no easy task, he had a reputation for always moving around guarded by his crew, which made him slightly inaccessible prey. However, when you finally caught up with him and his crew, all the imaginings you had built up in your head disappeared in one fell swoop.

Buggy the Clown was, as his name said, a clown. A real fucking clown who spent his days bragging about his fucking antics and didn't know what it meant to shut the fuck up because he was always in dire need of being heard and being the centre of attention.He wasn't a fearsome pirate, he was a narcissist with an excessive need for attention who told far-fetched stories about great feats that no one in their right mind would believe him capable of. He was ridiculous, and the worst thing was that his comrades adored him, they had almost a special veneration for him. You couldn't understand him, he became hysterical at the drop of a hat, he was hypersensitive to any comment that wasn't literally an offering to his self-proclaimed divine power and would go from over-excitement to melodrama in a millisecond. The only thing that was clear to you was that feigning adoration for this jerk to fit in with his band of morons made you sick.

Joining his crew wasn't too difficult - ego-hungry men are the easiest to cajole-. All you had to do was pretend to be a poor, helpless little girl without much talent who had wanted to be a pirate for years and had heard amazing stories about this genius jester who had not only terrorized the East Blue, but had become one of the most feared pirates on the Great Line.Buggy didn't even pay much attention to you, you was too ordinary to interest him, something that suited you.

"Of course you've heard of me," he told you that first time you met him, when you managed to catch him in a tavern after following him for days. "Hey guys, our little friend says she's heard about the great Buggy!"

That whole gang of freaks started laughing non-stop, as if what you had just said was the most ridiculous thing in the world. Buggy turned to you again.

"Okay, honey, what can you do for me?"

"Anything I can be useful for."

Trying not to sound too intense - so as not to sound suspicious - you insisted that you wanted the chance to learn on such a famed crew, to please give you the opportunity. The same night you were given a bucket, a mop and welcomed as an unimportant cabin girl. Just as you wanted.

The idea was to lay low until you had been cleaning up vomit and serving drunks long enough to have access to the captain. You knew there was no point in trying to cut him because of his powers, and if you tried to tie him up he would escape, so the only way to make sure you could catch him was to drug him.

The plan was a slam dunk. Wait until the key moment to attack and that's it, even if the waiting included having to put up with the bunch of weirdos that made up the crew and the attention whore of their captain, who seemed to have an allergy to normality.

Yes, it was a piece of cake, or at least that's what you thought until that day when everything began to take a turn for the worse that you could never have imagined.

"Oh, excuse me captain"

It was a night like so many others. The crew had managed to embezzle from a rich family and had pocketed a handful of gold. In the face of such success they had not missed the opportunity to celebratre: litres and litres of beer, sake, rum and all kinds of alcohol. Food to rave about. The crew circus that Buggy was leading that night was a complete madness. You, on the other hand, remained sober, in the shadows. You picked up jugs, replenished them, swept up some of the mess... Everything you'd expect from a rookie being used as a maid.

At such moments Buggy loved to strut his stuff more than ever. He used to stand in the centre of the deck, surrounded by his entire fan club, get on a box or powder keg and start his show. He would talk about how wonderful he was, how powerful and rich they would all become by being with him, and he would emphasise considerably all that he had done to achieve the goal. So it was strange enough for you not to have seen him bragging around for the last hour, but stranger still to find him down in the cellars with his back against a row of beer barrels and his gaze lost in infinity.

Buggy was drunk. Very drunk. At that moment you thought maybe the time had come, when would you have a better chance? He was totally idioticated by alcohol, perfect for noqueating it. And his crew all drunk, no one would notice what was going on.

You came out of your role of useless servant, your senses sharpened, your muscles in tension. The time had come before even your personal deadline was fulfilled, you thought it was your lucky night, but at that moment Buggy noticed your presence, looking at you with glassy eyes and lost because of the drunkenness, and there was something in that look that made you feel a slight sneezing in the stomach that you had never experienced before.

"Oh, it's you, uh... uh..." he scratched his fingers, trying to remember something.

"Y/N, Captain," you answered with a fist. The bastard didn't even remember your name.

“Yeah, exactly…" he said to himself. His head crumbled a little.

He didn't wear the hat, nor the coat. Her makeup was a little rushed because of the hours he had already been at the party, and his eyes were still lost somewhere you didn't know, but for some reason it caused you so much curiosity that anything else slipped out of your head.

"Can I help you with something?" You asked, with your most innocent voice.

Buggy stayed looking at his jar for a few moments and then turned to you again.

"Do you think I need help, baby?" His mocking tone seemed to indicate no, but his desolate expression said the opposite. "Do you think a pirate like me needs help?"

"I didn't want to offend you, sir..."

When he saw how you apologized, he laughed, a loud sound, but lacking fun in the tone. In fact, his laughter sounded cold to you. Then you realized that Buggy was not laughing anymore, but was breathing a huge sigh.

"It's better not to need help nor need anyone. At the end you're always alone"

His voice suddenly darkened and, for the first time since you were on that boat, you felt real curiosity for the man you had in front of you. There was something dark in his gaze, a face of lost innocence that seemed irremediably familiar to you. Without realizing it, you had lowered the guard, and that was only the beginning of your great end.

"You're not alone, Captain." You told him, trying stupidly to keep your role. "Everyone in this crew is with you, and everyone adores you."

"Of course they love me" He answered, slightly offended, and then became blue again. It was then that he looked directly at you, and it was that look that suddenly passed through you. There was fury in his eyes, but also another very different feeling, you could see in them something sad and broken, so sad and so broken that you had terrible desires to reassemble it immediately. "Don't you believe it, Y/N?"

The question makes you uninterested, or too distracted.

“What...? that they adore you, sir?"

"No, shit" he cried, shaking at the drunkard. “that we are always alone."

“So…” You was shocked, it’s possible that you didn’t know what to answer? It wasn't even a complicated or out of place question, what the fuck had you been thinking about? Fuck, what happened to you? "Well... I..." You had to react, you were shivering, you didn't shiver. You took air, trying to get back to your boats, and then you turned to him again. "Didn't we all be born alone?"

"What?"

"We are born alone and we die alone," you said. "And we live together in the meantime. But we are born alone and we die alone."

He kept watching you. You didn't know if he was trying to process your words because due to the state of drunkenness in which he was probably not processing half of what was happening around him, or if he really was trying to analyze you. It was somewhat difficult to discern when someone was drunk, the line between curiosity and ethyl coma was complicated.

It was probably the first time Buggy really noticed you since you got on the boat. Because you didn't want to be noticed, he didn’t notice you, you were good at hiding. But now he had all his attention on you and something shrunk inside you, like you missed the air. You suddenly found yourself thinking that maybe he wasn't as stupid as you thought he was. Maybe that whole facade of bravado and arrogance was just a way to make up all his insecurities,. Maybe at the end he just was a broken man behind so much show. In that moment, as his gaze clawed into yours, you realized that he even seemed attractive to you. And that moment you had to look away, horrified by everything that was going on in your head, but what the hell?

"It's an interesting answer," he murmured.

"I have to... I have to go re-set the barrels" you finally said, you had to get out of there, the atmosphere had suddenly darkened "I'm sorry, captain."

And as you went out sparkled back to the deck, you noticed something that made you absolutely horrified: you were totally noisy.

From that night on, Buggy decided that you weren't going to be an anonymous person to him. It's not that he left everything he was doing to talk to you, but when you crossed each other, he always greeted you. And you discovered that, in some way that you were unable to understand, you were beginning to have a very strong crush for a guy who uses make up to painted his face like a clown and was a little bit older for you.

The more interactions you had with him - very little really, nothing even remotely similar to that night - the more you realized that your contempt for all that circus roll and the freaks making shows had clouded your ability to analyze. Buggy wasn't an idiot. Well, he was, but he also turned out to be a very smart man, was good at planning and a real genius at tricks. Furthermore, despite being always talking about himself and being quite despotic, he really cared about the crew and had respect for them. At the end, you thought that he was simply growing up child with anger problems, and that was really charming to you.

So there you are now, you have a fucking crush on the guy you had to kidnap, not knowing what the hell to do because it's the first time in your life that something like this happens to you and feeling ridiculous at the same time because you look like a super stupid fifteen-year-old bitch. You've killed more people than you can count, you've broken bones, cut necks, ripped teeth off, but suddenly you meet that idiot clown and everything, absolutely everything you have worked on so far goes to shit. And the worst part is that you don't even care because you're too worried looking at him from a distance like stupid fool.

"Hey, Y/N"

It's Cabaji's voice that gets you out of your mind. Since you had that meeting with Buggy in the cellars you're no longer dedicated to cleaning and serving, now you clean and fix things. It's kind of an promotion, but really no.

"What's going on?"

"Have you seen the two who came yesterday? You know... those who talked about joining the crew."

"No idea"

Cabaji sits carelessly, your voice has not shaken a single moment. You remember them, of course, a couple of friends wanting to become pirates. And of course you will not tell Cabaji that you had no choice but to open their heads and leave them on the other end of the island when you heard one of the two commenting something about the captain being very attractive and. That information don¡t fit well with your image of a worthless rookie, and it would also be like assuming you have more childish jealousy starts than teenagers and therefore accepting that you're reaching very worrying levels of encapsulation.

Actually, since you found out how much you like Buggy, there are a lot of things you can't say. For example that you were the one who left that bitch without legs when he dared to make a comment about Buggy’s nose on the last island you passed. Neither can you tell the guys who hired you to hunt him that you don't plan on doing your job and that you've long abandoned that idea. Of course, can't say to some of your colleagues you're in that crew because you want it and not for work. But most of all, you can't tell Buggy that you'd love to know what it's like to kiss a man with a broken smile and sad eyes, but you would be willing to admit any of your other secrets before the last one.

#buggy #buggy imagine #buggy the clown #buggy x reader #buggy x y/n #buggy headcanons #buggy the clown imagine #buggy the flashy fool #buggy x you #op buggy #buggy live action #buggy one piece #buggy pirates #captain buggy #buggy d clown

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azulsluver · 10 months

Note

Bully!au with a cunning mc?

Oh how the tables turned

tw. yandere, bully!characters, manipulation, mentioned violence + public humiliation.

Heartslabyul || Savanaclaw || Octavinelle ||

From what I am getting at, reader this time can stand up against the bullies. During their time spending with Ace and Deuce, they noticed the way they've been a little distant and leaving backhanded comments. Perhaps reader has been in these types of situations, so they knew better than to entertain the duo by pouting and complaining. Instead, let them have a taste of their own medicine, being sure to catch onto their words in case it sets Deuce off. He's such a hot head. Call out on Deuce's bullshit, corner his feelings and get him to side with you. Ace would be left to fend for himself, so used to having people agree on his terms, he's gotta pick a side to be in the league.

People may not realize it, but Deuce is so easy to manipulate in this au. But he's too far deep into his delusions and selfish desires to repent, thus why it's best to catch on to the signs and take the wheel. Deuce is pathetic in your hands, separate him from Ace, make excuses to keep him company and busy while Ace stays from the side, he is the main reason why Deuce acts this way towards you after all. It's preventable, to say at least, but Ace won't back down so quick.

You have to play the game right, or else you'll fall like a stack of cards.

Ace is good at gathering troops into his plans, he gets to fling those around if they aren't much use to him. You'll catch on pretty quick however, understanding why Ace decided to have everyone turn their back on you. Because he's interested. You make Ace second guess himself, what was special about you to begin with. Could it be the fear of rejection, social image?

You want to peer inside that silly head of yours, glaring from across the room. And you noticed, the way his posture straightens as his eyes make contact with yours, teeth biting his lower lip as sweat cling to his neck. Ace loves the attention.

Riddle and Cater could be out of pure spite. You're good at something that they want.

After being told numerous times by Cater that he'd call the fashion police every time you two would hang out. He expects you to not take it by heart (100% wants you to), through gritted teeth and crumpled knuckles, giving him a confused expression to lay off. If Cater wished to create an image of himself that'll falsely inform others, then you might as well play it his way. Fooling Cater by pretending to be the air headed friend, you listen well to your elders, people slowly recognize you by the littlest of things that can make you stand out. Associating yourself with Cater meant you had been influenced on what you should or not do with him.

In fact you enjoy Cater's expression, when someone comes to say hi to you and not him, or mention your story of something you did last week. Shrugging your shoulders as you bat your lashes, Cater could barely hold himself from strangling you. He can see what you're doing, you aren't as dumb as he thought you'd be.

Clicking his tongue, Cater would want to cut you off from his social life for good, but you'll be a reminder to him that he has to do better. If you can easily take down his persona, just how willing were you to do more than just tease him for taking advantage of an innocent person such as yourself.

Riddle has been through some sort of public humiliation, and you've kept that to the back of your mind. He's high and mighty, he knows what he wants, and he gets it one way or another. You and Riddle would be rivals at most, some form of twisted love he's created for himself, for you, that you're perfect. But so, so disgusting.

He doesn’t wanna focus on or getting in a relationship, his bad habit of being a neat freak has caused a toll on him. Making it worse the longer he indulged in this unhealthy behavior and of, although majority of the characters start off light during their bullying. When turned a blind eye is where evil sets in, growing rapidly once they realize how good it feels to have someone bellow them. Riddle, per say is victim to this trope.

You have to push yourself to him, grab his attention and prove him that you are worth the respect. This goes with intelligence because he’s somewhat attracted to those who know how to use their knowledge to hood use. That’s the point, make use of yourself to show Riddle that you’re someone on his level. This can go two ways with him being your rival or friend.

Don’t be seen as vulnerable around Trey. It’s what started for him to prey on you, with no clue on how the world work to little no friends. At first Trey was your average normal friend who helped you at times need, sometimes it came with a price. But then he got greedy, expecting more than taking advantage of your naivety.

Trey is a little tricky to figure because he doesn’t open up about himself a lot. You have to find weak points that doesn’t involve hurting his loved ones. However you can easily deceive him by playing coy, keep him in line with his morals (once he gets comfortable there’s no turning back). I wouldn’t say he’s easily influenced but he hopped onto the train when it did come to bullying you, I guess he took some form of pity but that was to mask his sadistic tendencies. Trey does try to control his urges of said “temptation”, but he gets off to the feeling of someone needing his help in dire situations.

Which means you can be buddy buddy with Trey just make sure not to trigger any opportunities for him to get to how he is in this AU. At least he gives you free snacks.

#yandere twst #yandere twisted wonderland #yandere twisted wonderland x reader #riddle rosehearts x reader #trey clover x reader #cater diamond x reader #ace trapolla x reader #deuce spade x reader #bully!au

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danisbrainrot · 1 month

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jackie taylor x reader

how have I not written about her yet??? anyways, doing the lord's work (aka what shauna should have done).

everyone stood in shock, watching as jackie stormed out of the room after her explosive argument with shauna. you glanced at the door and back at shauna, unsure whether or not to chase after her or stay and comfort your friend.

tai was by shauna's side immediately, comforting her as the girl sobbed into her chest. still, none of the girls made a move to follow jackie outside.

you weren't stupid. it was hard not to notice how it was getting colder recently, or how all the animals were stocking up and going into hibernation. you knew winter was just around the corner, and feared that jackie could fall prey to it.

you didn't want to be that girl who followed after her, since shauna was a good friend to you and you didn't want to show her you were picking sides. however, you knew that if you didn't do something, no one else would; jackie was one of the most stubborn people you'd ever met, she wasn't going to come inside on her own volition. no, she'd have to be convinced.

at first, you found yourself standing above coach ben, who was still shocked from watching the argument unfold. "coach, you need to do something about that. jackie can't sleep outside," you whisper, glancing back to see if anyone was watching you.

he shook his head, "sorry, but I don't want to get involved in you girls' arguments," he replies, groaning softly as he moves to readjust himself into a better position.

"you're an adult. jackie will listen to you," you beg, but to no avail. ben shakes his head and refuses again, forcing you to look elsewhere. your eyes land on nat, who—granted held a bit of disdain for your captain—would surely see the consequences of leaving jackie outside to freeze.

however, you were no longer sure when travis pulls her in and whispers something in her ear; they both glance towards the door and you knew they'd be no help.

you stared out the window, watching jackie's pathetic attempt at starting a fire with pity. she really wasn't made for the wilderness, that was obvious. it was clear from day one she wouldn't contribute much, since all she'd done was complain, whinge and refuse to help with the chores. but you still remember the sweet and inspiring team captain on your soccer team; you can't help wonder what went wrong.

finally having enough, you quickly slipped outside, going unnoticed by no one. you'd take the dirty glares and rude comments if it meant coercing jackie back inside. you always listened to your gut rather than what people had to say, and right now, your gut was yelling at you to go talk to her.

jackie's gaze lingers on you as you sit beside her. after a beat of silence, she crosses her arms over her and chest and says, "if shauna sent you out here—"

"no one sent me out here," you reply, watching the flickering flames about to go out. it's silent again as you work up the nerve to beg her to come inside and she tried to work out why you were talking to her.

jackie sniffles, trying to hide the fact she'd been crying; it doesn't matter, since you can tell from her red eyes. "she's my best friend and she hates me," jackie mumbles, resting her arms against her legs and her chin on her lap. you're silent, happy to listen to jackie vent—it was for the best, because you weren't going to pretend to know anything about her relationship with shauna. "and you know what's the stupidest part? I don't even love jeff. . . I don't know if I even like him. she broke my heart and I don't know why."

"talk to her about it—and I mean talk, not argue," you reply earnestly, not sure how else someone was supposed to react to this situation. "you feel betrayed, and she feels overshadowed. you still have time to sort this out. fuck! we're in the woods and no one's coming to find us. you have plenty of time to tell her how you feel," jackie looks up at you with tears in her eyes. she's lost for words, and you smile at her gently, assuring yourself that she'd listen.

she shakes her head and sits up, however, making your smile fade. "no, she doesn't want to talk to me right now," jackie mumbles, kicking at one of the stones and accidentally sending it flying into the fire. "and I don't want to talk to her," she adds hastily, making you raise your eyebrow questioningly, "she's in the wrong, I shouldn't have to apologise to her," you roll you eyes at her stubbornness.

"fine, but I'm not leaving until you're inside with me," you snap. you watch her rub her arms up and down, and notice how chill the weather had gotten. was it always like this at night? how did jackie expect to survive through the night. "come on, jackie. I don't want to wake up in the morning to you looking like a smurf."

jackie burst into laughter, making you join too. "god, I'll be fine. don't worry. no frosty the snowman here," she promises. but you're no stranger to the cold. to snow. "I'll be alright, I just can't stand to look at her right now."

it falls quiet again, as you both mull over what she said. you can't help yourself, fearing the worst, you blurt out, "dying isn't worth it, y'know," she raises her eyebrows, "jackie taylor, you're the pettiest person I know. . . but to freeze out here because you're mad at shauna? that's a lot, even for you," you softly explain.

jackie scoffs, rolling her eyes before shivering again, "oh my god, I'm not going to die out here. I have a blanket, I'm wearing a jacket and a roaring. . . well, not roaring, but I have a fire," she points out. "it's not just gonna randomly snow in the middle of the night," you sigh, realising that she was convinced. there was no bringing her inside—and it was getting cold, even for you.

you bite your bottom lip, getting up to kiss her on the forehead. "I love you, okay? I don't want anything bad to happen to you," she looks up at you in shock, "come inside when you're ready, but please, don't stay out here all night. if not because of the weather, then because the wolves that attacked van are close by," she nods, and turns to face the weak fire again as you walk off.

"wait!" she calls out, standing up and chasing after you. your body fills with warmth as you silently rejoice at convincing her to come inside. "what do you mean you love me?"

you froze in your spot, feeling your heart race and your cheeks fill with heat. "I think you know," you reply, hoping that if she didn't feel the same way, she'd assume you were talking platonically.

jackie stares at you, breathing heavily, before she pulls you into a hug. "thank you, for caring enough to come out here," she whispers. you smile softly in return; she leans into you, kissing you gently on the lips. you were in shock for a moment, in complete disbelief that jackie liked you that way—that she liked girls that way. soon, you realised that the kiss was real, and that she wanted you; savouring the sweet moment, you mourned the loss of her lips on your own. "wow, your lips are so warm," you laugh at her, glancing back at the cabin ready to grab her hand when she flinched out of your grasp. "I'm not ready yet. . . stay out here with me?"

you nod, joining her to sit on the log again. you added some kindling to the fire as she snuggled up close to you. it was nice to feel her this close, and know she liked you back—even if it seemed like it was because she was lonely. it didn't matter to you, however, as you focused instead on the way she relied on you for warmth, and the way the flames danced.

after what felt like half an hour (but was closer to two hours) you notice the lights turning off, "it's cold, I'm going back inside," you announce.

jackie nods, "okay. I'll just be a little longer," she replies, shooting you a reassuring smile. you kiss her forehead again, and take sullen steps towards the cabin.

you glance at her once again, tempted to drag her inside, kicking and screaming, but you decide to leave her be. you receive dirty glares when you come back inside. you feel even smaller knowing you'd failed to bring her back in, so it was for nothing.

you accidentally lock eyes with mari, before glancing back at the ground. once you reached the fireplace to warm up, that's when the comments began. "of course you'd chase after jackie," mari snipes, shaking her head.

"it's so cold outside! I was worried she'd actually sleep out there and freeze," you reply, defending yourself.

you heard tai scoff, and looked for shauna, only to find her missing. "she chose to go outside," van mumbles, staring at the floor to avoid your gaze. you stare at her in disbelief.

you glance around the room, seeing no one agree with you—not even misty. nat and travis stared at the ground, also avoiding your eyes. "guys, now is not the time to be petty, she could've been in serious danger," you cry. no one responds, and you can't help but groan and roll your eyes.

"we saw you kiss her," misty announces. you look taken aback, but don't say anything. "three times," she adds, and you bite back the retort you were ready to sling at her.

instead you walk towards your bed, slipping under the sheets and pretending like you didn't notice everyone's gaze on you. eventually, tai heads upstairs and you hear everyone shuffle into their beds—but still no jackie.

your eyelids grow heavy, and as they do, you could swear you hear a door creak open. you smile in your dreamy state, knowing that jackie had finally come back inside. . .

"no, no, no, no, no!" shauna screams, jumping over you and racing outside. you jolt awake, your heart racing as you look around at all the confused faces of the girls. suddenly, it occurs to you, jackie's not one of them.

scrambling to your feet, you and tai are the first ones out the door after shauna. you have no idea why she's carrying on when you finally realise the ground had changed from green to white overnight. shauna was hunched over something in the snow, which at first glance, looked like a log.

it takes you a minute to process the scene in front of you; when it does, it feels like you've been hit by a train. your stomach drops and you feel your heart shatter into a million pieces.

shauna was on her hands and knees, screaming and crying while shaking her best friend. "jackie, wake up!" she wails. tai is by her side immediately, holding onto her and trying to comfort her.

your hand flies to your mouth as you begin to sob as well. no, no! this isn't right! jackie came inside last night! I heard her! you can't help but think. you could've sworn the door was opened. . . but here jackie was, covered in a blanket of snow, as you fell to your knees and mourned the girl you'd had a crush on since middle school.

you feel a pair of arms on your shoulders, as you lean into them for comfort, letting your tears run freely. you couldn't stand to look at the sight anymore without feeling guilty. you'd done everything you could, but was that truly enough? you should've done more! you should've dragged her inside! slapped some sense into shauna or the coach! you should have stayed by her side! tried harder to convince her! or at least kept her warm all night!

but you didn't, and you knew that would haunt you til your dying breath.

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byeoltoyuki · 1 month

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✧memories of us ✧ the gathering

↳ Pairing: Jisung x Reader

❧ Genre : romance / smut /fluff / 1st love to strangers to lovers

❧ Summary: Sometimes memories are just that. Memories.

A series of drabbles about you and Jisung, about your love and your heartbreak and a second chance.

❧ A/N: Likes and reblogs are appreciated ♥

Because you asked me @rylea08♫

Masterlist / previous / next

Jisung had finally lost his mind. You always knew that out of all your friends he was probably the craziest but still. This time, he had completely lost it. After five years, he decided that a gathering with the whole band was long overdue and a good idea.

You disagreed.

You could now easily manage to spend some times with him, especially after your exhibition. You talked a lot whether on the phone or by messages and met a few times for coffee dates. You could even tolerate Minho’s presence (the hug did its magic). But you feared Yunji’s reaction. In fact, you feared she would simply refuse to come and probably curse the whole world for even suggesting it.

Maybe meeting with Jisung and Minho would do her some good, whether she agreed or not. Yunji was stubborn and didn’t share much of her inner thoughts. But you knew her. She could pretend all she wanted that there was no issue, that Minho meant absolutely nothing to her – truth was he meant a lot and the unsaid words were slowly eating her from inside.

“I can’t do this.” Yunji confessed over the phone, her voice oddly weak and shaky. She didn’t sound like herself and you guessed it was because she had been thinking about the gathering all this time. Maybe she was even imagining all the different scenarios and she didn’t like the outcomes of any of them.

“Is it because of Minho?” You asked despite knowing the answer.

You expected her to change the topic, to ignore your question like she always did. Five years later and Yunji still hated talking about him. Sometimes, the simple mention of his name would make her leave the room.

But Yunji did none of that. Not this time. She sighed and you could easily imagine her ruffling her hair in frustration. “I’m scared of what it would do to me to see him again.”

You could relate to her feelings quite easily. Not long ago, you felt the same way when faced with Jisung for the first time again. But it was worth it. Yes, somehow you picked up where you left, but even if you didn’t, seeing and talking to him made you feel good. The memories you shared were no longer bitter. And maybe Yunji needed that too. “Hey, I won’t push you into something you don’t want. But maybe it’s time to face him and tell him how you feel?”

“I wish I could.” Yunji admitted, “But you know that whenever I see him, I want to slap his annoying face.”

You chuckled at the memory of their never ending bickering; it was their own way to show how much they cared for each other. “Then slap him. And then maybe kiss him.”

She groaned. “I’ll settle for the slap.”

“And a kiss.” You insisted.

“And another slap for you if you keep saying that.” She threatened you but you could feel her smiling.

***

Jisung and you were the first to arrive at Minho’s place. Not that surprising, Jisung picked you up, not letting you many choices in the matter. It would have possibly upset you few weeks ago. Now? You couldn’t deny that it pleased you.

It surprised you a little that Minho was the one holding the gathering at his place. You didn’t think he agreed that easily but maybe Jisung knew some dirty secrets and forced him into it. You wouldn’t be surprised.

The moment you got inside his place, a delicious scent reached your nose and you almost moaned in delight. You forgot that one of Minho’s many hidden talents was that he was a great cook.

“By the way, I came for the food.” You told Minho as you followed him inside the kitchen to help him.

“Kinda agree with you on this one.” Jisung approved and slapped his friend’s back playfully.

“I’m going to put poison in your plates.” Minho threatened you as if any of his threats worked any longer on you.

You rolled your eyes at his typical response while Jisung laughed heartily.

Minho ignored the two of you and resumed his cooking. It amazed you how concentrated he was despite your chatting. Jisung attempted to steal some food which earnt him a strong slap and glare while you laughed at his defeated face.

“Hey Minho,” You weren’t sure how he would react to your question, but you were curious. “How do you feel about seeing Yunji again?”

Minho froze in the middle of cutting some carrots, forgetting how to breath. Jisung tensed beside you, his eyes darting back and forth between his friend and you. But Minho didn’t answer, he started cutting again as if he hadn’t heard you at all.

Someone had clearly forgotten that you were also stubborn. “Minho.”

Minho closed his eyes and growled at your attempt to make him talk. “Devastated.” He finally said and slowly turned to look at you. You saw anger in his eyes but also something else. Sadness? Anguish?

“Anxious?” He kept going, “I don’t know how to deal with her.” Then his gaze slid to Jisung. “I envy you. You managed so easily to go back to your insufferable lovey-dovey self. But I have no idea what to do with her.”

Minho had always been a mystery to you. At least to understand his feelings. And boy did he surprise you. You hoped he felt bad about how he cut out Yunji from his life, but now you realized that it pained him more than he was willing to admit out loud.

Your eyes softened as you took a step towards him. He stopped you from getting closer by pointing the knife in your direction. “Don’t.”

“Fine.” You raised your hands in defeat and retreated behind Jisung, shamelessly using him as a shield against Minho (which didn’t go unnoticed by Jisung who chuckled). “But you know, you can start with ‘I’m sorry for being an ass’. And maybe, also prepare yourself for a slap.” Because you did suggest Yunji to slap him, to relieve her pain.

“She won’t slap him, will she?” Jisung looked at you over his shoulder, frowning.

***

Yunji arrived ten minutes later with Changbin. If Changbin showed some excitement being here with all of you, Yunji on the other hand was calm. Too calm. She hid behind Changbin, trying to make herself as small as possible. But her attempt went unnoticed by Changbin who joined you and Jisung, leaving her no choice but face Minho.

Seeing how silent the two of you were, Changbin leaned closer and whispered, “What’s wrong?”

“Shhhh.” Jisung silenced him with his hand over his mouth while you pointed at the couple.

“Oh.” Changbin realized, “This is awkward.”

“Is it me,” Jisung leaned closer to you, “Or does it feel like she’s trying not to punch him?”

You averted your eyes from the couple for a moment to look at Jisung who wiggled his eyebrows playfully at you. Of course, he would be amused. You expected him to start betting of who would throw the first punch. “Nah. She’s going to be civilized.” At least, it was what you believed. “I hope.”

***

Fortunately for all of you, Yunji didn’t try to fight Minho, in fact, she barely acknowledged him. Instead, her eyes were most of the time on you and Jisung, watching your every step, your every move. Without speaking, you guessed easily what was going on in her pretty, little head. She was worried that this thing between you and Jisung would evolve again and turn into something that could hurt you again. You appreciated her worries but wished she would rather face her own issue that was the man sitting across from her.

“Here.” Jisung handed you another bottle of beer. He took seat beside you, his hand founding your knee. You tensed for a second, your eyes locked on his hand. It felt nice and warm and so familiar and natural. You could have told him not to do it. But you couldn’t. It felt just too good.

“By the way,” Jisung started, “Changbin has something to share with the two of you.” He finished by pointing at you and then at Yunji.

Changbin groaned and cursed under his breath, ready to tackle Jisung for being so noisy. Again.

“I’m already regretting it.” Changbin mumbled

“No takes back.” Minho gestured with his bottle at him.

Changbin turned towards you. “I might need some saving.” You doubt it. Changbin could handle anyone, but you played along as you winked. “I agreed to join their band.”

“Finally!” Yunji squealed from her place, showing finally some real emotions.

You jumped from your place and went straight to him to give him a bear hug. “I’m surrounding myself with superstars.”

Changbin hugged you back, chuckling at your comment. “We’ll see about that.” But you knew he would hit big. Now that their team was complete, there was no way they wouldn’t succeed.

“Huh. I’m jealous. I didn’t get a hug when I told you about it.” Jisung complained as he crossed his arms over his chest, trying to look disappointed.

Your response came in the form of you sticking your tongue.

“You deserved it.” Changbin smirked, proud that your attention was on him. At least, he had one way to annoy Jisung.

Jisung pouted. “And here I thought I was your favorite.”

“You wish.”

***

Yunji waited for the two of you to be alone to finally corner you, eyes determined and curious. “What’s going on with you and Jisung?” She expected you to try to avoid her or avoid her questions or worse try to bring her own issues.

But you knew this moment was coming. Yunji had spent the past hour watching the two of you, closely. She wasn’t blind; she could see you were close and touchy and comfortable with each other. Again. Not just as friends. You were aware of it too.

“Nothing.” You didn’t sound convincing, not even to your ears.

Yunji shook her head and wondered whether you were truly trying to lie or if you were simply so blind. “Last time you answered that, it turned out you were dating.” She paused to stare at your face and see any trace of what you were hiding. “Are you?”

“No.”

She took a step towards you. “Do you want to?”

“I don’t know.” This time around, it was a lie. You did know.

***

Minho and Yunji surprised all of you by going to the balcony to have a talk, one long overdue. Instead of minding your own business like you should, the three of you got as close as possible without risking Minho’s wrath.

“I’m surprised how composed they are.” You admitted

The two men beside you snorted in response.

“More like surprised Yunji isn’t screaming at him. I bet she has a lot to say.” Changbin commented. Just like you, Changbin was aware of how angry Yunji was and just how much she wasn’t telling you about her feelings. She didn’t need to, you knew.

“Should we bet?” Jisung smiled wickedly at the two of you. Of course, he was up to no good.

“That’s a bad idea.” You protested

“I bet she’s going to slap him.” Changbin didn’t hesitate.

“Seriously?!” You whined. You couldn’t believe they were still the same as in high school, betting on anything they could.

“I bet they’re going to fuck.” Jisung ignored your protest.

You stared at them in disbelief, then, you averted your eyes to look at the couple. “I bet she’s going to slap him and then kiss him.”

You were no better than them.

***

Jisung got you back home, the ride short but animated. Instead of talking, you sang your favorite songs. At least one of you was good at singing. Not you, obviously, but Jisung didn’t complain. He looked too delighted, smiling widely.

“I’m really glad we found each other again.” Jisung admitted at your doorstep. Before he could lose his courage, he brought you in his arms for a warm embrace. “Believe it or not, I missed it a lot.”

You quickly realized, by the way Jisung’s grip got stronger around you, that he wasn’t only talking about your group. No, it was you he also missed and was glad to find again. You inhaled his sweet, comforting scent, pressing your head further into him, melting in his arms. It felt nice and you didn’t want it to stop.

“I’m glad too.” You whispered, your grip on him a little tighter. You didn’t want to let go, you didn’t want this moment to end. You missed him, you missed his warmth, his touch.

“Y/N.” Jisung called your name and gently grabbed your shoulders to push you away from him, only to have a better look at your face, his eyes searching yours. His eyes were both soft and filled with longing and desire.

You sucked in a breath, unable to look away, not even when his gaze slid to your lips. He wanted to kiss you, you felt it and hoped he would. Screw your fears, right now the only thing that truly mattered was him and you.

“Kiss me?” You pleaded

Jisung didn’t need to be asked twice. His mouth crashed down on yours, claiming your lips. You moaned into the kiss; your arms around his neck you pulled him flush against you. You wanted to feel all of him against you.

“Fuck, angel.” Jisung groaned against your lip, he fisted your hair, pulling to get a better angle, to deepen the kiss. “I missed you so much.”

Your ignored the tears that pricked your eyes only to pour all your feelings into the kiss, wanting him to feel, to understand just how much you missed him too. How much you wished you had met again sooner.

“I’m not letting you go again.” And he sealed the promise with his lips.

#stray kids #han jisung #stray kids fic #han #lee know #changbin #stray kids x reader #han jisung x reader #stray kids fluff #memories of us

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bi-bard · 11 months

Text

Such Careful Words That We Can Barely Speak Out Loud - Kaz Brekker Imagine [Shadow & Bone]

Title: Such Careful Words That We Can Barely Speak Out Loud

Pairing: Kaz Brekker X Reader

Based On: The Sea of Atlas

Word Count: 804 words

Warning(s): brief mention of a shit family, Kaz is emotionally unavailable

Summary: The Crows return from their latest job. With Kaz back in Ketterdam, (Y/n) sees no better time for them to discuss what had happened before he left.

Author's Note: This took far too fucking long.

Part One of "June" [Release Date: 7/3/2023]

Part Two of "June" [Release Date: 7/5/2023]

YEARBOOK - SLEEPING AT LAST WRITING CHALLENGE MASTERLIST

-------------------------

I had no true way of knowing when the rest of the Crows were coming back.

I didn't think about that until after Kaz had run out of my home after kissing me. I could have gone days or weeks without getting to have a conversation about the moment between us. Or, worst case scenario, I never got to see him or the other Crows again because the job went completely wrong. And I would never know about it. I would just be left entirely alone with no answers.

I would never fully shake that feeling until there was a knock on my door.

For the third time, Kaz had found his way to my doorstep. Yet this time felt so incredibly different that it felt like the first time.

"Hi," I said. I had a million thoughts going through my head at the time, but that was all that I could get out at the time.

"Hi," he replied. I wondered if he was in the same place as me.

I stepped to the side and let him walk inside. I scanned my eyes along him as he passed. I was expecting more obvious bruises and wounds. They could possibly be hidden by his suit.

"The job went well," he explained without me asking. "Everyone is safe."

I nodded. "Good."

He said that for my sake. He knew my propensity for worrying excessively.

"Did you meet my family?"

"Briefly," he nodded. "When we first walked in, your uncle was greeting the guests. He made sure that he was well known."

I took a deep breath.

"I didn't make myself known," he added. "For your sake."

"What happened to vengeance in my honor?"

"I was prepared to kill him," Kaz confessed. "But I realized that such an act was for you to choose. I had no right to take that from you."

"I see."

"I did find something." he reached into his pocket. When he held out his hand again, there was a brooch sitting in his palm. "There was a room that didn't look like it had been changed in years. I assumed..."

I reached out and took the brooch. "It was my brother's."

"I thought that it would be sufficient for the time being."

I grinned. "Thank you."

He nodded his head once. "I should go-"

"I'd rather you didn't," I stopped him. "We... We need to talk about what happened, Kaz."

He inhaled sharply.

"I can't go back to what we were... I can't pretend that nothing happened."

His eyes left mine, but he made no move to leave at all. I wanted to know what he was thinking. I wanted to be able to hear whatever fear was going through his head. I wanted to know what he was worried about. Because I knew that my mind was riddled with those fears.

"I care about you," I continued, trying to ignore the terrified feeling filling my stomach. "Greatly. I have for a very long time. And I... I am terrified of how I feel about you. I just know that there is every possibility that I will go mad if I ignore it any longer.

"I don't know what you want or how you feel or if that kiss meant anything to you at all. I just... I need to know where we are now."

I glanced down and saw his hand adjust on the top of his cane.

I had spent the last few days thinking about this event. I thought of every single way that this could happen. I thought about what would happen if he ran away again, if he just never showed up, if he told me that he felt the same way as me. It had all played through my head. Some part of me thought that having that mental image would help me more in the long run. It didn't. I was still just as scared as I had been the day that he had stormed out.

I sat in that silence with Kaz until I felt my eyes burning and as if my lungs were struggling to take in air. "I'm sorry. You can go-"

"I do care for you," he cut me off. It was quiet, so full of fear that I could feel the weight sitting on his shoulders. "More than I can explain."

It was ten words. I had heard him say more about a job. And yet, it was easily the most vulnerable I had ever seen him.

I felt a grin forming on my lips. I didn't need anything more from him. That was enough for me. I was certain that we would find more words in time.

And I was right.

All that was needed was for us to be incredibly careful about which words we chose.

-------------------------

Navigation Guide

What I Write For

Some Original Characters

#fanfiction #imagine #x reader #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone fanfiction #kaz brekker fanfiction #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker x reader

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writer-in-theory · 10 months

Text

the 'magic, madness, heaven, sin' collection

summary: 16 oneshots, each based on songs from '1989' in anticipation of 1989 (taylor's version). pairing: spencer reid x reader AND steve harrington x reader category: fluff, smut, angst, hurt/comfort a/n: we're back at it again, folks! first we celebrated red (taylor's version), and now it's 1989's turn. i will be releasing one oneshot every week until release day. this was really fun, as 1989 has quickly become a favorite of mine. important taglist update: due to this including an update every day, i don't want to spam my normal taglist. so, i made a new taglist specifically for this collection. if you want to me tagged in the fics for this, please fill out the taglist form here.

masterlist

➼ welcome to new york (steve harrington x gn!reader, fluff) “everybody here was someone else before and you can want who you want...”

when native new yorker reader finds out their partner has never seen new york, they’re determined to show him only the best.

➼ we never go out of style (spencer reid x fem!reader, smut) “and i should just tell you to leave 'cause i know exactly where it leads...”

in which spencer has the same stop each time they have a case in los angeles.

➼ are we out of the woods? (spencer reid x fem!reader, smut, angst no happy ending) “the rest of the world was black and white but we were in screaming color...”

they know their relationship was meant to crash and burn, but they keep falling back together.

➼ i know places (we won’t be found) (steve harrington x fem!reader, hurt/comfort) “they take their shots, but we're bulletproof...”

in which reader and steve are scrutinized by his parents and hawkins for dating, and they risk losing it all.

➼ all you had to do was stay (spencer reid x gn!reader, angst with happy ending) “why'd you have to go and lock me out when I let you in?”

spencer has a habit of pushing people away when things get tough—reader won’t make it easy for him.

➼ shake it off (spencer reid x gn!reader, hurt/comfort) “it's like i got this music in my mind saying it's gonna be alright...”

spencer can’t stand when reporters spreads rumors about his partner in the news—they prove to him it doesn’t matter.

➼ i wish you would (steve harrington x gn!reader, angst with happy ending) “wish you knew that i miss you too much to be mad anymore...”

years after the breakup, reader realizes everything they missed.

➼ you are in love (spencer reid x gn!reader, fluff) “and for once, you let go of your fears and your ghosts...”

everyone knows that spencer and reader are best friends—everyone but them knows they both want something more.

➼ bad blood (spencer reid x gn!reader, angst with happy ending) “did you think we'd be fine? still got scars on my back from your knife...”

spencer immediately said he had no feelings for cat adams, so why was he kissing her outside of your shared apartment?

➼ wildest dreams (spencer reid x fem!reader, smut, angst with hopeful ending) “say you'll see me again even if it's just pretend...”

retired fbi agent spencer meet actress reader, who he’s been assigned to protect after threats were made against her.

➼ we found wonderland (spencer reid x gn!reader, hurt/comfort) “all alone, or so it seemed but there were strangers watching, and whispers turned to talking and talking turned to screams...”

a story of an fbi agent falling in love with a senator: it’s as messy as it seems.

➼ this love is good(bad) (spencer reid x fem!reader, angst with happy ending) “these hands had to let it go free, and this love came back to me...”

a sequel to ‘wildest dreams’, reader comes to terms with losing spencer and he realizes he never should have left.

➼ new romantics (steve harrington x fem!reader, smut) “every day is like a battle but every night with us is like a dream...”

she was the last person steve thought he would fall for.

➼ finally clean (steve harrington x gn!reader, hurt/comfort) “just because you're clean, don't mean you don't miss it...”

after the upside down is finished, you help steve heal.

➼ and i’ll write your name (spencer reid x fem!reader, smut) “it'll leave you breathless or with a nasty scar...”

to him, she’s the agent everyone told him to stay away from. to her, he’s the bad boy agent whose team has never had to follow the rules.

➼ how you get the girl (steve harrington x fem!reader, fluff) “and now you say i want you for worse or for better...”

in which the party takes matters into their own hands when you and steve won't confess your feelings for each other.

#spencer reid #steve harrington #spencer reid x reader #steve harrington x reader #criminal minds #stranger things

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villainsandvictimsalliance · 2 years

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What is a smile to a war? : bnha 367

Have you ever wanted to die? Wish for the world to end? Have you ever lose yourself for a couple of minutes and felt like you wanted something really bad to happen to yourself or everybody else?

Has someone ever made you laugh in one of those cases— and just by that you realized how much you didn't want any of it to happen?

You were just upset.

Hold this concept in your mind, would you? Because the heart of the pro-hero thesis of bnha is that a hero not only saves your body or gets rid of the villains threatening you— they also save you from yourself sometimes, from the darkness within you; they prevent future tragedies with the force of their kindness.

Kid Deku watching a video of All Might's debut:

And he's smiling!! Mom... no matter what kind of trouble you're in... he'll save you with a smile.

⠀When we were first introduced to Deku and his admiration for All Might, the one thing the story made emphasis on was All Might's smile. Why?

Because if you're afraid and you see the person rescuing you smile, you relax, it makes you feel better, it tones down your fear and anxiety.

It gives you hope.

I won't be able to put all the panels I wish I could show you to support this meta, so I'll rely on your good memory about the manga, okay?

⠀

During the Hero License arc, we learnt that being a hero is much more than just knowing how to fight. We already knew part of it from All Might's first session (take care of the situation with the minimum amount of damage to both the property and the people surrounding the fight).

We learnt that the way a hero saves a person matters. Their words, their attitude, how they carry themselves and how they approach the victims and situations, it all matters.

With Bakugou and Todoroki we learn that the job of a hero also implies daily services, like helping kids and guiding others, stuff Iida Tensei (former pro-hero Ingenium) used to do.

That's an idea that finds its development along many arcs, the maximum point being after the War arc, with Ochako's speech. When heroes were giving up, she reminded them it was not only about defeating the greater evil, but also about wanting to see everybody smile together again.

It is an echo of Nighteye lessons to Deku and Mirio, of course. An echo we see in bnha 367:

A world without smiles or honor... has no... bright future.

⠀As you know, my thesis is based on the idea that the major problem with the hero society was how they forgot what a real hero was, but not because everything was exclusively monetized (it was still part of the problem, I gotta admit). No, the major issue was exposed by Tomura Shigaraki in his first speech in front of the UA staff and students:

Violence became comfortable for the bnha world, mundane even, to the point heroes stop trying to find the root of the problems so they could treat it and the civilians stop trying to help because they thought it was the heroes jobs, not theirs. Serious issues were getting overlooked, the system was getting corrupted and the effort of the heroes was shallow, superficial, even if well-meant.

Tomura/Tenko in his thoughts:

Everyone just passed by, pretending not to see, thinking that some hero would save the day. Who decided to make the world this way?

AFO "rescuing" Tenko, kneeling down to hug him:

You'll be okay now... I am here.

⠀Let's take Nana Shimura as an example; she was a great hero, we all know, the one who trained Toshinori and taught him that the people who smiled when they were afraid were the strongest. However, she was not perfect and she shouldn't be regarded as such. She failed her son and her family, something Kotaro was right about.

Can a hero talk about justice if they sacrifice their families to save others? Why some lives matter more than others? Why are heroes allowed to decide who lives and who dies, instead of helping everyone they can equally in the measure of their context?

Bnha narration:

People... are not born equal.

What is a smile to a war?

You could ask what is the sacrifice of a kid for the safety of the world, right? A life for the safety of the entire planet?

For Endeavor, what were his children and his family for the glory of his name and the glory of the hero industry, for example?

What is Tomura to AFO? Toga to the media?

What is Deku —a quirkless kid— to an entire society of people with quirks and cool abilities?

⠀

We learned it through Kota in the Summer Camp arc and with Eri in the Overhaul arc. Both kids. One of them was a direct victim like Tomura of the hero society, the child of a broken family who had many reasons to hate what pro-heroes were; the other was a kid victim of the discrimination of quirks, a baby abandoned by her mother and used by criminal organizations for power and gain, just exactly what AFO did to Tenko/Tomura.

Deku could save Kota and Eri because he individually cared about them. No one told him there was a problem, he was actively looking. The same with Bakugo at the beginning, Deku didn't need a reason or a command, he didn't need the title or the suit, not even the quirk. He was doing the right thing.

Deku helped Kota because Kota was upset and he wanted to change that. He payed attention to Eri because she was crying. Same reason he found his way to help Bakugo, Todoroki and Iida.

What are they to Deku's journey of defeating AFO? Nothing. And everything.

Tomura talking to Doc Garaki and the LOV:

Every living, breathing thing just rubs me the wrong way. That weight in my heart is never gonna go away. So why not destroy it all?

⠀During his fight with Endeavor, AFO asked Hawks what was evil, what could be categorized as "wrong", why everybody got so easily offended. Then revealed that his main motivation of being a villain was because he wanted to make everyone bitter, everyone, inspired on those comic books villains.

In a way, it means "I am bad, everybody's bad too"

On the other hand, Tomura's motivation to destroy it all comes for the trauma of not being rescued. Why? Didn't he deserve it? Why people wouldn't help him? Isn't it because he must play the part of a villain?

Tenko asked his mother why his father hated him. Tomara also asked the UA staff what was the difference between villains and heroes using violence, the same way Toga asked Uraraka why people wouldn't help or save them (the villains).

There is real inequality in bnha: you have people like Spinner, Shinso, Hawks, Toga, Deku, Aoyama, Dabi, Tomura, Shouto, Hatsume, Aizawa... The list keeps on growing.

There are differences. Preferences even.

If you're a pretty metahuman to be used by the hero commission or a filthy "mutant" with a weak quirk, if you have a spooky quirk or a "villain" quirk, if you're quirkless or your quirk is not flashy enough or powerful enough, if you look creepy or are not "hero material", if you are hero material even if you don't want to be one...

Inequality. Discrimination. Society prescriptions.

AFO almost won, he almost made everyone mad and bitter, including Deku in bnha 367.

⠀

Go read what Nighteye told Mirio again.

The fight against AFO (and what he represents) isn't a fight of just weapons. It was a fight with the hero society itself.

Their indifference, their apathy, their prejudices...

A smile matters in a war because why the fuck would you fight for if the only thing your gonna leave behind is a bunch of broken people who wish they were dead.

Why would you rescue Eri if you're not going to fight everyday with her trauma so that she can be happy? Why would you leave Kota to live in pain and anger without his parents when you can make his life full of light again?

What about the Cultural Festival arc?

Or rescuing Deku from his suicidal mission?

Going for Bakugo and Iida and fighting for Shouto to melt his heart??? Shouto going for Dabi???

This is why what Hawks did to Twice was wrong, because he forgot the principle of a hero:

Every lives matter.

Every smile matters.

The reason Tomura doesn't see a future is 'cause no one has ever showed him otherwise. No one saved him back then and no one has saved him (yet) in 20 years. No one told him he deserved to live and be happy, no one ever stopped and tried to make him smile or laugh or ask him if he had friends or if he liked dogs.

AFO killed Tenko the day he put those hands on him and has been dragging his body around in a parade— and even when Tomura was screaming about pain and injustice and screaming about the problem of the hero society, no one listened to him, no one tried ro reach him.

Dead.

Except Deku sees him.

⠀

Every moment of the manga, every mission and arc, every panel and interaction, it has brought us here: to Deku asking AFO if Tenko/Tomura is still in there.

What is Tenko's smile to the bnha war?

Maybe the end of it. Maybe the defeat of AFO. You have a wounded animal that will try to attack you because it's in pain. Here are your options: you can kill every wounded animal you encounter or you can go search for the cause of their pain and treat it, so the next generations won't arrive at your door full of desperation and rage.

Everyone can be a hero, because everyone can do the right thing, everyone can make others smile, everyone can save someone one day just by telling a joke or being gentle.

⠀

A smile can prevent a war.

Which is more powerful than any weapon which could stop at war.

In summary, bnha is about a society ruled by violence and miscommunication learning that if they don't reach for each other, if they don't try to understand, if their only solution is to erase what make them uncomfortable... they're doomed to dissappear.

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hel7l7 · 9 months

Text

Looking at you gives me a stomach ache B. 0623

I hate him. I hate him. I hate him.

I don’t.

This story is short and very simple. This story has been told a million times. This story is one about loving and wanting and always giving so much because you know what it feels like to never get anything in return. It is the emptiness you were born with reflected in them; it is them now. It is all them. It has always been them.

Did you know that none of this was ever real? That I probably only liked you because I knew you would never like me back? Because I am way too afraid to be loved by someone real. Want it all so bad but know I’m not ready.

I’ve looked into your eyes so many times and never saw anything but my own emptiness reflected.

I think we share the same pain but fail to understand how to reach the other.

There’s this emptiness. There’s this emptiness. There’s this emptiness. And inside it is fear. Endless fear.

Maybe you hate me as much as I hate you sometimes but don’t we just mirror each other?

Isn’t what you hate in me just a reflection of your pain? Isn’t what you hate in me everything you used to hate in yourself?

Don’t we just mirror each other? Isn’t what I hate in you just what I hate in me. Don’t you just show me that even though I want to be loved I still don’t believe I deserve it. Aren’t you the next one showing me that even though this is what I want I’m not ready. Doesn’t all of this just replay my past? Isn’t this just me on my knees again? Isn’t this just me begging? Begging and never daring to look away. This is me painting myself the savior, this is me seeing you and turning you into someone else. Sometimes I picture you as who I want you to be.

Pretend that all of this will all work out some day. Manifest you in my life, in my bedroom, I picture you in my shower, in my kitchen, imagine us eating together and going on a walk, I kiss you and it will feel nice and you’ll only touch me gently and soft, your kindness and patience magnified with my good hope and I’ll lose myself in the idea of you. Hope for a life that will someday be better than all I’ve ever known.

Some days I pretend you’re the villain. Think of every time you’ve hurt me. It doesn’t matter if you meant to or not. Pain is always a good source for creativity. I try to hate you but I can’t. Always blame myself more. It was me who went back time and time again. Who left myself at your feet waiting for you to pick me up again. – my friends have their anger now though. They teach me how to blame you, point at the flaws that are too big to ignore.

I don’t know how to reach you and I’ve gotten so tired of trying.

#S #vent art #venting #writing #this is old but i made pieces based on this writing and i wanted to post it anyway #somebody help me get over my writers block #u will be thanked deeply

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thelunarfairy · 1 month

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hiiii!

I've seen (on twitter/X) that some people think that Professor Yugi could be Tsukasa but he took Amane's place, what don't you think about that?

For my part I feel that a very well-founded fear given that we do not know what event exactly they changed. Was it something from the festival? That Tsukasa never returned to Amane after making his wish?

Anyway, wouldn't Tsushigomori know?

On a side note, I would really love it to be Amane. [Removing the part that, if it was something from when they were children then Amane would never be in school as a ghost] Amane is the one who cannot, does not want to and does not know how to let go of Tsukasa.

It would show us that the most dangerous person is Amane. Amane, who locks up Nene, Tsukasa, to keep them safe (in her eyes). It is Amane who sacrificed Aoi, who killed and committed suicide alongside his brother.

[Hanako? Amane? Was there ever any difference?] joke

Well, it depends. Was Amane he meant to be like Hanako? Jealous, possessive, protective to the core and obsessive?

Was his attitude that we saw really always due to what we knew [the sacrifice, the brother with a creature, death? Or did we just take it because we didn't know another timeline?]

Amane/Hanako is the one who holds on. What if she achieved her goal with the Great Clock?

I think we're about to see what Amane is capable of, not what he did and we let [and the manga characters] happen.

I think we'll see how dangerous, disastrous and obsessive it can be, capable of something that really returns us to "this is a horror manga even if we laugh and it seems more like a tragedy"

Or maybe I'm putting too much expectation on it.

Let's hope we don't recover like it always happens, I want to see the consequences in the same timeline we are on

tchauuu<3

Ah, I saw this theory, but the question I ask is: Why would Tsukasa do that?

Why does he want to take Hanako's place? How will this help? How will this change?

If Amane dies and Tsukasa didn't sacrifice himself, why would he pretend to be his twin brother?

I mean, if he continues with his own identity or takes on Amane's identity, the same thing will happen. His parents know that Amane was the one who was sick, Tsukasa was healthy, so the information doesn't add up.

The most I can think about it is that maybe Tsukasa did this to get rid of the clock keepers, but that also doesn't make sense because it's not the kind of thing Tsukasa would do.

Still, Tsukasa's goal is to save Amane, not take his place. Tsukasa doesn't care about growing up and having a future, he wants his brother to live, to be happy, that's all.

I think Tsukasa would be more likely to take his own life, if Amane died, than to take his place.

And even if Tsukasa tried to bring Amane back after death, as a supernatural, why would he change his identity? He can do it like Tsukasa.

Hmm….. I'm trying to make this theory fit the information, but it's difficult.

Amane is acting ordinary, at least to me. Amane has always been Amane, he is that way, it is part of his nature to be that way. He has his good side, of course, but the dark side is still there.

And, I believe he still remembers what happened in the other reality. What happens is that he does not accept or allow the person he loves to be separated from him, and he will do everything in his power to achieve this.

As Machiavelli said, "the ends justify the means" That's what Hanako does. He doesn't care who suffers the consequences if it will make the people he loves stand by his side. He doesn't even care if it's going to be something that hurts the people he loves, like he did to Nene and Tsukasa.

We shouldn't be surprised by this side of him, Amane is like that, he's not acting like "Tsukasa", he's just showing us a side he usually hides.

Plus, he's acting like himself, the pose of him walking down the hallway, there's no doubt about it. The clothes he wears are the same as ASHK's, there's no doubt, it's him.

I could be wrong, yes, but that's what I think, for now. That cunning act of his, totally Hanako. Yes, Hanako is dangerous, not someone you can trust, I'm just saying that, and I like him a lot.

But, it will be fun to see how far Hanako will go to get what he wants.

Hahahahahahahahahaha

PELO AMOR DE DEUS!!!!!!!! XDDDDDDDD

HAHAHAHAHA

Tchaaaaau <3

#toilet bound hanako kun #jibaku shounen hanako kun #tbhk #jshk #hanako kun #aidairo #amane yugi #yugi twins #hanakokun #jshk spoilers #jshk theories #tbhk theory #hanako #jshk amane #jshk hanako #jshk tsukasa #tbhk hanako #tbhk manga #tbhk spoilers

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ccorneliast · 1 year

Text

Train Rumblings - an everlark fanfiction

On a particular night on the train back home from the Victory Tour, Katniss decides to wake Peeta for a very important reason: to kiss him.

Read on ao3 instead

This is not the first time I've written for them, but it is the first time I post it.

Big big thanks to Missy ( @jenniferiawrence ) for editing this for me, but more so for encouraging me to write and post it for anyone to read.

To Kam, for always reading what I write and never not being overly enthusiastic about it.

If you like this, please let me know! With some encouragement I might be coaxed into writing more ;)

Katniss’s voice finds the nighttime silence: “Peeta?”

“Hum,” he mumbles, taking a few seconds to open his eyes, instinctively tightening his grip on Katniss. “What’s wrong? Nightmare?”

She feels so embarrassed she could shrink into herself and just disappear. Sweet Peeta, finally blissfully asleep with no sight of bad dreams threatening to plague him and Katniss had to go and wake him for no good reason. No good reason at all.

She couldn’t even use the nightmare as an excuse to hide behind. The truth was, the closer the train got to District 12, the closer they were to return to their old routine of politely greeting each other across the Victor’s Village and not speaking unless cameras were present. That meant no more strong arms wrapped around her, beckoning her to drift peacefully into slumber. No more warm chest under her cheek when the only thing that would calm her down after a nightmare was the resonance of his voice.

So, Katniss chose to be momentarily brave, momentarily uninhibited, momentarily impure, going against Peeta’s very own description of her.

“No, no nightmare,” she whispered, trying to hide her face on his arm.

“Then why’d you wake me?” he asked, confused, but still willing to turn on his side, facing her.

“I-” she started, but didn’t know how else to tell him how she felt or why she’d woken him.

It had been on a whim, she knew that. She felt such a deep need to be close to him, closer to him than she’s ever been. Maybe that stemmed from the impending distance arriving home would inevitably bring. Maybe she just felt lonely, and he was a warm body lying right beside her. Or maybe - just maybe - she has always felt this way about the boy with the bread, but life never gave a break that let her feel anything besides fear.

“I know I have no right to ask you this after everything I put you through, but-”

He waited patiently for her to finish, his blue eyes staring deeply into her grey ones in the still of the night. He nodded once, almost imperceptibly so, encouraging her to continue. Emboldened by this, Katniss scooted closer on the bed, shifting her head on the pillow so that their noses were touching, but not their lips. No, she couldn’t kiss him, that wouldn’t be fair.

“Can we just stay like this for a little while?” she whispered, her breath intertwining with his as he exhaled.

Peeta ceased to look at her, letting his eyes fall shut slowly, his eyelashes gently resting on his cheekbones. Even in the dark, she knew every curve of his face, every slope, and every bump.

“I wish we had cameras in here,” Peeta finally said, still not opening his eyes to hers.

That took Katniss by surprise. “Why?” she asked, their lips just a breath apart.

“Because then I could kiss you.”

Oh , she thought. This boy was so good, so very good, and here she was, breaking his heart for the tenth time that day alone. She never wanted to hurt him, never wanted to lie to him ever again. He was too kind, too good, and everything she never could be.

She willed herself to stay put. Maybe he’d fall asleep and, in the morning, they could pretend this never happened, that she never got this close to crossing a line she couldn’t back away from.

But instead, she said: “Just one kiss.”

His eyes shot wide open.

She explained: “Just one kiss. A short one. Is that okay?” She could not look him in the eye. He was fully in his right to reject her, but she was selfish and now the words were said and there was no going back.

“Just one,” he echoed.

Katniss leaned in slowly, touching her lips to Peeta’s in a ghost kiss. Their lips remained on each other, unmoving and closed. Even so, she could feel the heat emanating from him, a feeling she was so accustomed to, so consumed by that she could weep from how safe it made her feel. Until he pulled away.

She blinked once, then twice, suddenly shy and embarrassed that she’d let such a thing happen. But most of all, she was insatiable. That had not been enough, not at all. Not even close. So, she whispered: “Another one?”

Peeta raised his eyebrows and his lip quirked up slightly. Katniss knew he was about to make a joke or profess his undying love for her and, at that moment, she could not decide which was scarier.

So, she was quick to add: “Just thirty seconds.”

His hint of a smile turned into a full grin. Katniss was scared he might admonish her or refuse her, but he stayed silent. She didn’t wait any longer for a response and locked her lips with his again.

This time she parted her lips slightly, as did he, allowing her to trap his bottom lip into her mouth. It felt heavenly. She’d never had the chance to relish this type of moment, when Peeta’s lips were on hers. It seemed there was always someone watching. Except now, there wasn’t.

It seemed the kiss had only just begun when Peeta pulled away for the second time that night. “Thirty seconds,” he told her, that smile never leaving his lips. “Was that enough? Can you go back to sleep now?”

Of course, he knew the answer. No, it had not been nearly enough. If anything, this limited contact had only made Katniss antsier, more restless than before. But she couldn’t admit that to him, could she? So, she resigned to lying. “Yes,” she said.

Peeta raised an eyebrow and asked, “Has anyone ever told you how horrible of a liar you are?”

Before she had time to even process the weight of his words, Peeta spoke again.

“How about I get one minute?” he asked.

She was shocked into silent approval.

Peeta wasted no time placing his hand on her face, cradling her jaw with his thumb, before gluing his lips to hers once again, soft at first. But then, Katniss felt his tongue on her bottom lip, pleading entrance into her mouth. A soft groan formed in the back of her throat, but she paid no mind to that. All she cared about was his tongue on hers, soft and gentle, yet rousing her more than anything ever had. The wet heat from the kiss filtered down her neck and swooped low in her stomach, a feeling she’d only felt once before - in the cave.

After a few moments, Peeta leaned back to breathe once, then twice, just enough time for Katniss to blurt out: “It hasn’t been one minute.”

His breath hit her skin again, and Katniss opened her eyes to see Peeta watching her intently as he went back for more. His tongue slowly traced a trail over her bottom lip before he bit it, pulling the whole thing into his mouth.

Her skin burnt and tingled everywhere, so much so that she almost lost her resolve to stay still and let Peeta take full advantage of his 60 seconds. His eyes stayed open, watching her groan and pant at everything he was doing. He sucked and bit and licked and tugged as she just lay almost under him, with his body hovering above hers, and she didn't move, didn't kiss back - she just let him explore.

Then, he pulled away, with one last, soft kiss to her lips. “Minute,” he panted once, twice, falling back onto the bed beside her. She instantly missed his warmth.

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