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delistravaganza · 4 months

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Can you explain this autistic person what happened here?

I was just scrolling r/mybrilliantfriendhbo and I made a goofy comment on a topic that seems to have touched a nerve:

This interaction left me shocked because I rarely have issues online, and also because the same person who was lowkey calling me a sex-obsessed pedo had replied to similar topics a few times, always stating that she preferred the actresses young (?).

Someone explained to me that I had phrased things wrong:

Looking back at my comment, I don't see how that could be understood by me referring to our girls. In fact, the job of Lila's body double, especially in the infamous bath scene where all she needed to do was to stand up and be looked at by Lenù in an "inner turmoil" from below, had been a joke between me and other MBF fans. Like, we laughed? Some of us had been nude models, and we knew how much the actress probably wanted to stop being cold and wet and leave already?

So I'm asking you guys, who have a very different approach and don't have a stick up your ass: What did I do? Is it because I wrote "boobs" and "pussy"? And - that comment was a personal attack rooted in some sort of queerphobia, was it?

I know this happens on r/ all of the time, and I know that this particular sub isn't very queerfriendly, to put it mildly. Which is weird, I know, because anyone who is familiar with the fans' demographics knows that the sapphic women are at the core of the fandom, especially between seasons. But alas, the sapphics usually stay silent and want no trouble.

Still, there are some interesting discussions from time to time on the sub (even when some topics can be repetitive - IS LILA EVIL?), and people who are genuinely knowledgeable, and I do have good times sharing my thoughts and reading others'. But - I feel a bit stupid because I seldom reference anything that could be considered dykey, and then I get this?

At some point in season 3, I was left scratching my head because some users were quick to say that if Pietro had intimacy issues with Lenù, he may be gay. I totally respect it if you think that Pietro might be gay, but for fuck's sake, are you even aware of the series you're watching? Where were you the 10,000 times when Lenù was in "inner turmoil" about her best friend, drooling over Nino, and having zero chemistry with Pietro from the very beginning, who was only a good catch for her? Didn't you see Lenù's vivid nightmare about being forced to put on the engagement ring? Didn't you notice that the one who has an (understandable) problem with this marriage is Lenù, and that nobody suggested that she was gay????

I guess I'm annoyed that after years of not suggesting "Lenù gay" as The Explanation for Everything in MBF, because, well, I don't think that things are that simple, and letting people discuss at length whether Franco or Nino are better or whether Lila looks better with Marcello or Enzo, I am suddenly the one who is weird and gets talked down to as some pedo predator.

A somewhat similar thing happened to me a while ago on r/ as well, when some people on The White Lotus sub complained that there were too many discussions regarding gay undertones (compared to MBF, there were definitely 1000% more threads, which is still puzzling to me). I was just annoyed at that comment, because you know how many threads I see about m/f interactions that people are constantly pushing as romantic? Fuck the straights complaining about a few threads regarding Cameron and Ethan, or Paula and Olivia. TWL is openly playful and was created by an openly bisexual man, OF COURSE it's full of gay undertones, and OF COURSE you don't see them because you haven't had the same experience! You never had to read between the lines, you never had to wonder whether something is platonic or romantic, you never had to navigate relationships without set roles! How great for you! Now let us have our little party without bothering anyone, will you?

Anyway, I just needed to vent. Feel free to tell me if you think you know where my original comment was flawed.

Oh, and if you participate on the MBF sub - say hi, and participate more. It can be cool, but it clearly needs more input from diverse sources.

#not tagging this #personal #people being people #i think i came out as autistic for the first time on this blog #good for me!

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baphofemme · 9 months

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although sims freeplay has its faults here and there it's infinitely better than ts4 imo

#when ts4 first dropped i think i was in seventh grade at the time and i was v excited #but then so many articles about the glitches and overall terrible construction of the game came out and then i was on the fence #almost a decade later and it still seems like much hasn't improved...#i'm kind of biased towards ts3 since the sims look more 'realistic'#i'm pissed that i can't download ts3 on my laptop bc i don't have much space #expect me to be autistic abt the sims frequently on my blog #i'll probably tag this as 'simsposting' in case y'all are interested #what's cookin' in hell's kitchen?#simsposting

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 7 months

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AITA for running a kid out of a gaming community? (Tw mention of rape/self-harm/nazism)

I play the sims often, and am active in the simblr community. About four years back I (f, 19 at the time) saw a comment under a post about a DLC pack for the game, pointing out that there were an unequal amount of masculine vs feminine clothing in the pack, and stating that “girls were ruining the sims and making it a girls game.” I replied, saying I agreed with their assertion that in inequality isn’t fair (people, myself included, have been complaining about that very thing since the game first came out), but that it’s the developers faults, and it’s not right to blame the players or fanbase of a game for aspects of production that they have no control over. The commenter who I’ll call J (m, 17, though I didn’t know his age until later) responded saying again that girls were ruining the game for male players. Not wanting to clog the OPs notifs with back-and-forth comments, I messaged J privately, reiterating that I agreed with some of his points, just that it wasn’t fair to blame women for ‘ruining’ a game when they weren’t in control of mistakes the development team made. J went on a massive rant about how I was a ‘stupid white girl who loves Starbucks’ (I’m not white and I never said anything about Starbucks?) and that women were ruining the sims franchise by turning it into a “decorating and dress up game” and that players who were women “hated all men and children” because too many people made adult women sims and not enough men/child sims.

At that point I knew the discussion wasn’t going to go anywhere, so I joked and said he sounded like a Redditor. He responded by saying “me when women get raped” followed by a Fortnite dancing gif. I didn’t respond. An hour later he sent me a link to some website featuring a video of a man beating a woman in public. I screenshotted his messages, blocked him, and made a post with said screenshots urging others to not interact with him/to block him too.

A while later I get a message from a mutual linking a post he made about the situation on Reddit, explaining the discussion from his point of view. It was removed by the time I looked at it, but the comments were basically all agreeing with me or at least saying his last responses were wrong. He would go on to complain about how I was “the reason he hated modern women” and that I was “driving him back to being a Nazi because Nazis were so welcoming”. I made a post laughing at the situation, because it was just so absurd.

A few hours later I get an anon from J telling me that I had made him self harm and he posted the photos on his blog. When I finally got the courage to look on his blog several days later he seemed to be okay (it looked like he accidentally scratched himself on the arm too hard, nothing life threatening) but he had DOZENS of anons upset with him for the heinous shit he said. This is when I learned he was 17. He said that he “wasn’t a Nazi anymore, but was thinking about going back” (even though he was non-white, gay and trans?); that women were turning the sims into a girls game and because of that people irl would call him slurs because he was playing a girls game; that the reason he said those things to me was because “I’m autistic, and no one gets mad when they say it on family guy”, and that he want a misogynist he just wanted to make me upset, as well as back and forth arguments with anons where he essentially argued that female custom content creators are sexist if they don’t make masculine clothing/content for male sims. His last posts talked about how the sims was all he had in life and that since everyone in the community hated him now he’d just make everyone happy by killing himself. His blog hasn’t updated since.

Obviously I can’t confirm what happened to him, but I still think about this event frequently, and check up on his blog a few times a year. I have a sizable following on my simblr, and I knew I’d be exposing him to thousands of people with my posts—but I didn’t want him to hurt himself, I only wanted to warn people that he wasn’t safe to interact with.

Should I have blocked and moved on without warning people? Was I the asshole?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #suicide cw #rape cw #self harm cw

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things-about-cars-in-posts · 4 months

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hmm. conversely, most ADHD car?

(A dab o' context for y'all, this ask came hot off the heels of my most autistic car post, hence the "conversely".)

Well, when I read this, I had nothing. But then I thought about it a little, and suddenly, I continued to have nothing.

But you already know that, dear asker, because you're in the blog's Discord server which I turned to for suggestions. And in fact, you chipped in yourself with not one but two picks, first of which the fifth generation Ford Mustang!

So, pray tell, what brings my elementary school self's favorite car ever ever into this list?

uhh from like a cultural view its an unfocused and hyperactive car with a reputation of not going the way people want (see: crowd meme)

Oh, come on, are we really still not over that stereotype whereby late model Mustangs are owned by people both too eager to show off not to leave a car meet flooring it and too inept to actually keep it under control when they do?

Well, I guess to get over it it'll need to stop being true.

But also, being so much of an exhibitionist as to cause physical pain is not about ADHD at all!

Anyone I invite at my house gets bored to tears with a tour of my every possession...

...but not because I have ADHD!

Actually, you know what? That may really be it now that I think about it. Well, anyway, your submission is funny enough to earn a pass even if we don't see eye to eye on this anyway.

How about your second, though?

alternatively: late '90s to early 2000s tuner Civic, for the same reasons

While he included this picture, he advised to use a worse example, so I took the liberty to present you a historical picture.

I say historical because this picture was the definition of rice, the textbook example. If Wikipedia had a page for "rice (automotive)" it would feature this picture, probably second behind that blue early 90s Civic which in hindsight we were all wrong about and was actually sick.

Did you know this was made by a teenager out of metal? I'm digressing.

Friend of the blog (well, pillar of the blog at this point) @demoness-one agrees and suggests:

Honestly riced out clapped out honda civics did come to mind also But i feel like the car that most represents adhd is probably one that isn't finished lol Abstract concept of a car

But she wasn't the only one to vote for her own cars, as friend of the blog and Saturn SL1 owner @chevyventure posted a simple but effective contribution:

zero executive function between those eyes

Not as simple as friend of the blog @brick-enthusiast's, however, who just posted a Suzuki Cappuccino without comment.

In respect of that approach I will not comment either.

However, it's time to make my pick too, as in the process of writing this post I finally understood the assignment, and thus came up with something.

What's ADHD? As this blog demonstrates, sometimes it's being hyperfocused on something exciting, much to the detriment of things that actually matter in daily life. Sometimes it's said focus earning amazing results that seem disproportionate to one's means. Sometimes it's taking comfort in the routine, in deeply ingrained habits and tradition that still have to constantly be actively enforced as conscious choice. Sometimes it's being darty, shooting from point to point with speed other minds can't even keep up with. Sometimes it's having too much energy to contain. Sometimes it's... being loud? Oh really! I thought I was just being Italian!

And if you've read my 100th post, you'll know a car that fits that description to a T. (And if you haven't, click on here before reading on because you really want to.)

Indeed, what could be a better pick than a car that's stayed the same for nigh on seven decades in its devoted preservation of its ability to dart around like nothing else on the road, a car so perfromance-focused the comfort spec is the one that gets windows, a car not one bit less deafening than legally required? What could be a better pick than the Caterham Seven 620R, the literal world record holder for spinning around in circles?

youtube

And also just look at it.

If you're wondering about the number plate, it was made to celebrate its Lego version - yes indeed!

And if you can believe it, people still gifted me clothes for Christmas.

Links in blue are posts of mine about the topic in question: if you liked this post, you might like those - or the blog’s Discord server, linked in the pinned post!

#ford mustang #honda civic #suzuki cappuccino #caterham seven #demoness-one #chevyventure #jettacar #brick-enthusiast #lgbt cars #once again I will use the tag for something that cannot remotely be called a sexuality just because it kind of fits the theme of the series

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the-nerktwins · 13 days

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The Holdovers is an autism coded film with autistic coded protagonists, and that is my headcanon and I will die on this hill. In this essay I will...

I don't have the time to elaborate on why I think this is right now. I will attempt to explain later. Perhaps.

I mean...this quote alone, "I find the world a bitter and complicated place. And it seems to feel the same way about me. You and I have that in common, I think."

Also I don't even think this is necessarily a purposeful coding on the writer and director's part. I think it just shook out that way, and it doesn't even matter to me if it was an intentional choice or not. Like Paul McCartney said, it's not his job to tell the listener of his music what it means. Art is in the eye of the beholder.

Also I know my blog is primarily centered around Lennon/McCartney and the Beatles but if anyone wants to talk about The Holdovers with me, I've been obsessed with it since I watched it for the first time after it came out.

#angus tully #paul hunham #the holdovers #films #movies #coding in film #autism #autistic #headcanons #it speaks to me #this is only for fun #don't be a jerk to me about my opinions in the notes or I will bite you #paul giamatti #dominic sessa #da'vine joy randolph

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etirabys · 10 months

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I've been absent from tumblr for nine days because I was in Philly for a 800 person twitter con (whose constituents roughly map onto the rationalist tumblr diaspora, culturally). I was tweeting up a storm in conjunction with meeting twitter people irl and barely checked tumblr.

The con itself stretched over a long weekend, but I arrived four days early for preparties and stayed two days for postparties. I am on the plane right now, returning home. I got about twelve weeks of normal socializing in nine days. In the last four days I was taking small amounts of Ritalin to get through the day. That sounds bad, but that's how much I valued talking to weird internet people and having unique interactions that you cannot have outside of festivals.

The last iteration of this con last year had 300 attendees. At the time, I had 180 twitter followers, mostly from the times tumblr melted down and everyone including me advertised where they were elsewhere, as insurance. I munchkinned the hell out of socializing at the first con, got an additional 100 active followers that provided enough attention for a self-sustaining poasting reaction, and am at 2500 now.

I'm approximately the same person on twitter that I am on tumblr, except I don't post my erotica (my twitter followers skew more heavily male, so I'm less willing to be sexual) and I'm more strategic about seeking clout. I like to think I stay away from the clout-chasing things I find really gross (like having takes about politics nonstop, or starting beef), but I currently treat getting twitter followers as an enjoyable game.

It's nice to have a place where I'm explicitly seeking power, as it is nice to have a place (here on tumblr) where I'm explicitly not. My tentative plan is to hit 10-20K and then push the "trying" lever to off. I know a number of "microcelebrities" who get no stalkers or murder threats, but can go to just about any major city and have a place to crash, or people to show them around. That is what I want for myself.

I explain this not very flattering thing as context for what the con was like for me.

Most of the time, I exist socially the way most people do – avoiding risks and being discreet with dissent to keep the peace. I think people go to events like this one or Burning Man to get a freaking break from having to do this – as long as the con is full of reasonably mature and interesting people, the atmosphere becomes wonderful when they coordinate to drop the pretense for a week. I ran into a person who had a bad interaction with my acquaintance a few years ago, and told him I thought poorly of his actions but wanted to hear his side of the story. (The ensuing interaction was illuminating and pleasant.) A guy came up to me and observed that he'd made several conversational bids this year and last year, I had seemed to dislike this every time, and asked if I would prefer he never approach me again. We proceeded to have an extremely autistic debugging conversation, in front of several of his friends, about whether we should speak again in the future. (The solution: yes, he can try again, but pick a question from Askhole – don't inflict small talk on me.) I ran up to Famously Evil-Alien-Vibes-Having Economist Robin Hanson and said, "I have nothing to say to you in particular, but I find you interesting and I want to hang out," and then we argued for an hour about the fertility crisis. After asking for blessing to say something negative, I told a blogger whose blog post that I'd otherwise really liked that there had been one aspect that I found disingenuous. We had a good back and forth after I said this.

What I found so addictive about this con is that my popularity-seeking drive and my honesty-seeking drive – both of which I somewhat repress most of the time – were not only expressible, but in harmony. It is quite inappropriate to be super open and openly autistic in most social contexts. Here, I could say exactly what I meant, and as long as I delivered it in the right way, people would like me for it. The conversation where the guy started with "You don't seem to like me, should I never talk to you again?" should by most predictive measures have been awkward and unpleasant – but I got the sense, steadily, that he (and his friend who eventually joined in) liked me for how I was responding to him. All I had to do was, literally, just say what I really thought, and it somehow all worked out.

#rambl #meanwhile on twitter #2023vibecamp #about

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hearthotchner · 7 months

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hi hi I’m just here to offer some autistic!hotch thoughts

- he speaks with little to no inflection in his tone

- he’s known to always have a frown on his face or ‘never smile’ because he doesn’t mask and put a fake smile on to appease others.

- whenever he cries he tends to try to run away from the group, not knowing how to socially act when he’s so upset.

- he’ll often appear as ‘happy to sit in comfortable silence’ instead of making small talk.

- he compartmentalises to the point where almost every time on the show you *do* see hotch have a good time or smile, the case is already closed. he hyperfocuses on the cases and will feel in anyone else who’s going off topic.

- he is a great profiler. he probably knows more than he lets on about his team, but he’s overly respectful of the ‘do not profile one another’ rule because a) rules are very sacred to him and b) he tries not to make assumptions about his friends they could perceive negatively unless they have verbally told him, e.g. will revealing JJ’s pregnancy. In this scene, hotch looks crestfallen and says “jj you could have just told me.” because he likely saw her showing signs but he much prefers the security of someone verbally informing him.

- he literally wears a suit like armour every day on the job. No matter how impractical it is, if it’s hot or humid or he’s got to chase unsubs in fucking dress shoes? he still wears it because it makes him feel safe and likely meets his sensory requirements. his clothes become who he is.

- also the way hotch switches roles from boss to friend to comforting presence is so pronounced. his voice, facial expressions and his mannerisms all change.

- speaking of mannerisms!!!! Hotch stims a bit on the show. his little action he does rubbing his thumb across his other knuckles either in front of his face or down by his side. but often when je does this from anxiety, he ends up burying his hands in his pockets. Seemingly hiding it.

- he literally worked himself to exhaustion, and mid-fainting said ‘please excuse me’ because so much of his social skills toolbelt is being polite. on the show, however, he sometimes seems impolite when he’ll get an idea in his head and just chase after it without a word.

You can check out way more under @softhairedhotch ‘s blog where he does lots of headcanons including some autistic!hotch ones. I’m sure I’ve missed a lot of reasons but just watching him as an autistic person, he feels so very real to me.

first of all, thank you so much for taking your time to tell me this!! and yeah i also agree, but it never came to my attention because i never saw people speak about it, because ig the way he acts isn’t exactly the “mainstream” representation of autism that’s all over social media yk. and i think that should change tbh, cause like it’s a spectrum, and there’s different ways that autism is portrayed, and it isn’t always gonna be “omg this absolute genius” sometimes it’s people like hotch 🤷‍♀️ or like reid, or another character that’s completely different to them too.

and i’m definitely gonna look at his account, cause now im an autistic hotch truther 😼

#once again thank you anon !!#aaron hotchner #if the way i’ve said something isn’t worded right or comes off as offensive please let me know #cause as you can tell #i’m not extremely educated on this topic #but i am willing to be !!

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tom-bones · 15 days

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hiya. sorry to bring this to you, but apparently that's where the discourse is happening.

i'm M, i hate social media and i've known Nosferatu for roughly 15 years now. IRL. and i made a blog/profile/account/whatever it's called because the amount of dumbass propaganda being spread about them is fucking ridiculous.

they are severely traumatized, suicidal, have a terrible view of themself because of mental and emotional abuse they've endured for years. and they have multiple fucking personality disorders without a way to get to a professional because their mom can't afford it and their dad is a neglectful asshole who couldn't keep it in his pants and decided to abandon them at age 4, doing only the bare fucking minimum since. and trying to get out of even that however he can. their parents flicker between loving and self-centered to the point where they can't fucking talk to them without their anxiety spiking up.

we've grown up together. i know and trust them with my life. they were the one fighting my homophobic grandmother when i came out. they've been my anchor for years before my family had to move abroad for unrelated reasons, which only let us get on calls and text. i've seen them at some really serious fucking lows. and they are hitting one of those right now because some assholes never bothered to communicate with them and blamed them for everything wrong that happened to them on this fucking website. and because you idiots never bothered to actually ask or talk to them, choosing to believe said assholes.

calling them manipulative is absolutely ridiculous. i've been on call with them multiple times, trying to talk them out of hurting themself while they were screaming and crying. i've got a text from their mom, in a rare "loving mommy" moment at 2 AM last night about how they tried to fucking skin their forearm to get rid of their ghost tattoo. a tattoo that they were so excited about, it was like seeing them healed for the first few days after they got it. but you claim it's "suicide baiting" because they didn't fucking succeed? because they were fucking stopped?

there was one person Nosferatu ever manipulated. a teacher in their high school, who mentally abused his students. despite being one of the favorite students, they put themself against him and then managed to make it look like he was being overly dramatic, making him leave the students alone until they finished school. they only time they ever manipulated anyone, all to defend their classmates. but you idiots would rather believe jackasses who never bothered to try and reach out? seriously?

they're autistic and poorly socialized. they're social awareness sucks, especially with strangers. what they saw as "bullying" was just friendly banter to Nosferatu. and none of them ever bothered to message them and fucking say they feel off. they need to be called out, yes, but not like this. simply informing them that they sound mean to them would solve the fucking situation. but no, it's easier to make a big exit post and claim they abused them and manipulated the rest of the group (who can think for themselves, btw) because it fits your narrative, doesn't it? you people will jump at any opportunity to bully someone, and then when they manage to get pulled back from almost ending it all, you claim they're baiting. and when they try to explain themself, not fucking knowing what exactly they're accused of, you call them a fucking narcissist? for a completely reasonable reaction?

and you know what they did after they found out why you all suddenly started spamming them death threats? reached out to the other group in an attempt to explain the situation. and they did so via discord group chat that i watched through a shared screen, trying to calm them down. and guess what, assholes. they apologized, owned up to everything and explained themself to them. and in return, they got acknowledgement, but nothing else. no apologies for painting them to be this evil mastermind, no clarification, nothing. so i'll throw an accusation of my own and say that they actually wanted Nosferatu to suffer. all because they were too bitchy to communicate, and Nosferatu wasn't. they reached out to them, because suddenly after months of not interacting, suddenly people were accusing them of being abusive and making people quit.

i'll throw in another accusation, actually. in the group chat, they claimed they're not quitting because of Nosferatu, but rather the backlash they were getting from anons. but they failed to mention that in the post, just to make sure Nosferatu ended up looking like a monster who ruined everything for them. they wanted you to hate Nosferatu, all because they got the wrong impression and never bothered with talking to them.

Nosferatu is absolutely fucking harmless unless they have an actual reason to be an asshole. they act terrible to people who hurt their friends, such as when you idiot anons starting shit with the Sister Rose person. they do so because it's the only defense mechanism that works with their family and their own abusers. they do it whenever they break down mentally. they push people away. they act terrible to make sure nobody can hurt them at their moment of weakness.

they had to turn off the ask function completely. they had to back out of roleplay. they're scared of talking to anyone because there's a risk you fucking idiots will go out of your way to abuse the person they spoke to or you'll start spreading more lies like you did here. i'm not going to tolerate shit like this about the person who already struggles with their mental state and emotions and who is only finally getting the help they need because they earn their own money through a summer job. that they have to work for 12 hours a day.

go fuck yourselves, all of you. you lead to Nosferatu almost ruining all their relationships out of fear. you made them want to skin themself, and if it wasn't for their mother, they'd be in the hospital because of all of you now. if not dead. you've ruined a hobby, a passion and a fandom they loved so dearly. you made them despise their special interest, because you've made them feel unwelcome. and why? because the people you've been fighting for decided to manipulate you and make Nosferatu look fucking evil.

funny how you all defend actually manipulative people by calling someone who barely interacted with them a manipulative narcissist. if you ever actually spoke to them, you'd know they're not a monster you all seem to want them to be. they're scared. defensive. because they're getting a bunch of fucking accusations out of nowhere, with everyone expecting them to know what happened when they have no fucking clue.

fortunately, i'm gonna be able to come to visit them relatively soon and you bet your sorry asses i will get them to roleplay again. because it made them happy. they would go on about new storylines and how excited they were. i'm not gonna let you take my friend's happiness away like this again, all because you clearly don't have functioning brains and can't think for yourselves.

you're all abusers. you're all bullies. and the fact that you just believed those people without using your abilities of critical thinking is fucking unbelievable. people like you are why i avoid social media. a bunch of brainless assholes, jumping at an opportunity to be pieces of shit to people just because.

PS: learn how to tell apart a fucking character from a real person. they literally stopped using a name and assigned it to their roleplay character just to avoid confusion, and yet you morons still can't tell it apart.

// please read with caution. i won’t add much commentary, but i feel this post is very important to share so people, especially the anon haters, can get a clearer picture of what’s been happening in both nosferatu’s life and the rp community in the ghost fandom. tobias would be appalled by all this. the people who sent nosferatu death threats should be ashamed. you guys claim she’s evil when in reality you guys are acting like fucking jerks toward them. anyways, this post explains itself pretty well. the anon haters need to get a fucking life.

#ooc #tom bones #repugnant #repugnant band #asks

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awetistic-things · 10 months

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hi! i'm prof dxd autism, and i know you support self dx. i have some struggles understanding it, bc i guess,,, black and white thinking and i just,,, its very hard to make that connection, bc like, i want to support it but like theres also like, bad experiences with people claiming autism to weaponise something or all the news about fakers which might not even be true but like. im at the point where this is my view:

i support self suspecting a diagnosis, but not self diagnosis bc i think there needs to be some degree of seperation. like you can research one condition but have another, so self suspecting and accommodating is a good thing, but self diagnosis isn't because you don't have like, the full picture, and you need someone else to analyze it, so self suspect, not diagnosis. (sorry if not clear im kinda out of words rn)

but i also recognise that that view isn't really correct anymore, but im having trouble changing it so i guess what im asking is do you have any account to follow/things to read to support self diagnosis so i can change my views. totally cool if you dont want to tho. anyway bye! have a nice day. sorry.

hi 👋🏼

i can't find any specific blogs, but i do have a few things to say:

getting out of the black-and-white thinking is difficult, and i appreciate that you're trying to do so

self-diagnosing in general can be life-saving (when done right, which most of the time it pretty much is, regardless of what you see online) whether it comes to autism or breast cancer. so often, people get passed up and can't get what they desperately need due to discrimination within the medical community (and every community) so they have to take matters into their own hands

a lot of the time even when people go to get evaluated for autism, the doctor is the one who says they "suspect" the patient has autism and then don't give a diagnosis at all (happened to me three times before I got officially diagnosed) there are so many autistic people who go to get evaluated and get straight-up turned down right to their face, which usually leads them to self-diagnosing because there’s nobody willing to actually ‘analyze�� them in the first place (/nm, this reads as passive aggressive i think, but that’s not my intention, i promise /gen)

even if you are officially diagnosed there’s no telling that you’ll get any ‘analysis’ information after an evaluation (most of the time it’s just a paragraph or two) which is why self-diagnosing can be so incredible, because that’s when you get to analyze your own behaviors and traits and work through your internalized ableism so that if you do end up getting a diagnosis you’re not blindsided and have (hopefully) already accepted the fact that you are autistic

essentially what i’m trying to say is that so, so, so many psychiatrists and psychologists have internalized (or fully conscious) prejudice which heavily affects their analyzations and makes self-diagnosing so often times necessary

honestly, i think self-diagnosing is the first step in acknowledging and accepting that you’re autistic

i think many autistics who were officially diagnosed and were surprised by the fact that they’re autistic should look at it from a self-diagnosed autistics point-of-view

and by that i mean actually taking the time to forget whatever your doctor said about how you operate and instead analyze your life, because it’s yours, and nobody knows it better than you (especially from a 30 minute evaluation in a converted supply closet)

sorry if any of this came off as aggressive, it’s all genuine and i do very much appreciate you asking me this question and i hope my numerous different answers helped somewhat :)

#autism #autistic #actually autistic #asd #autism spectrum disorder #on the spectrum #self diagnosed autism #self diagnosing #self diagnosed

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metalphoenix · 1 year

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Matt Murdock has a Tumblr

This came from from a conversation I had with my friend @marvelvibess and was posted with their permission.

-Matt got tumblr around the time he became Daredevil, maybe a little before

-He has three kinds of posts: Pulitzer worthy treatise on morality, truth and justice, the most unhinged shitposts known to man and incoherent nonsense, there is no in between

-He gathers quite a following

-He post 2-3 times a week exclusively in the middle of the night

-His user is BlindJustice666

-Everyone is like who is this fucker and is he ok (the consensus is that he is very not ok)

-Sometimes he posts things like “I think God wants me dead” and everyone is like ok mood but are you good??? (he’s not)

-People genuinely can’t tell if he’s a devout catholic or a troll (plot twist he’s both)

-Someone: OP you good? BlindJustice666: God has forsaken me to live for my sins. Someone: Understandable have a nice day

-Someone: OP you good? BlindJustice666: *audio clip of someone screaming* Someone: Understandable have a nice day

-He either has the best tags or literally none

-Everyone is like this person either has a PhD or dropped out of High school and they don’t know which

-Someone: Hey OP what do you do for a living? BlindJustice666: *longwinded answer about serving truth and justice that clears nothing up*

-The post after that is the same ask except this time he responds “well sometimes I punch people”

-No one knows whats up with him but they love it

-He gets the most batshit asks and he answers every single one

-After season 3 Karen and Foggy find it

-They go to the Upper East Side to read it together thinking their gonna have a laugh but end up sobbing instead

-They make it a weekly thing to go somewhere he wont here them and read his new posts to check up on him.

-They sometimes send him anonymous asks to check in with him

-When he posts incoherent nonsense they know to check for a concussion

-He’s somehow unaware that they found his blog

-Matt makes a very angsty and dramatic post after the fight with Foggy in season 1. Everyone offers to fight the friend he’s talking about.

-When Foggy finds this post it hits him how shitty he was that night

-At the beginning of Season 3 he makes some very angsty posts that low key makes everyone worried he’s gonna kill himself (their not wrong)

-Every few months he posts something thats a red flag

-Matt figures out his autistic from tumblr (he’s absolutely autistic and you can pry that head canon from my cold dead hands)

-He finds out because he posts something and someone responds “hey OP you ever hear of autism cuz I’m like 99% sure you’ve got it”

-He’s like 😮😮😮 {three shocked emojis} and does’t post for two weeks which is worrying to everyone because because its around the time he’s made a red flag post but he comes back and starts posting like nothings happened

-He deep dived into researching autism and figures out that he indeed has it

-This is around season 1 and he tells no one

-he makes some posts about it months later

-Karen and Foggy find these posts after season 3 and are like “fuck” and start trying to surreptitiously accommodating that without letting him know that they know

-He stops posting right after Midland Circle (obviously) and everyone is worried

-The first post after is “Sorry I disappeared for a while I died for like a week them my arch nemesis tried to kill me and I kind of think I’m hallucinating???”

-He posts “why do I fail at everything? I can not even die properly. God has forsaken me to live. His retribution is worse than Hell itself” after his Season 3 suicide attempt and everyone is worried (as they should be)

-After that people send him asks like hey please keep living you make out lives better

-He absolutely looses it when he sees those asks and Maggie finds him sobbing on the floor. he’s like “oh no they don’t know how terrible a person I am”

-He makes a whole post apologizing for playing them and making them think he’s not a monster

-no one believes it

-Eventually Karen shows Sister Maggie the blog so she can also keep an eye on him.

-Her user name is just maggie

-She doesn’t really post anything but if she did Tumblr would love her

-Matt never makes posts with info that could be linked back to him

-However he does make some posts that are supposed to be “fun stories” from his childhood

-He has some posts about Stick

-BlindJustice666: *random super fucked up story about Stick* So that was a weird thing that happened lol. Everyone: *concern*

-Everyone is mildly concerned that he was a child soldier (Their not wrong)

-Everything he posts is so incredibly specific or very very vague

-In conclusion Matt needs a tumblr like yesterday, he’s just the right amount of chaos to fit in well here

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minuy600 · 3 months

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LEGO On A Budget 2024 Intermission: A Couple Of The New Polybags

Remember when I bought this silly little thing?

Yeah, the amazing Kruidvat-branded bootleg handheld that looks like it was directly ordered from a provider to Temu or AliExpress. Well, that didn't paint the discounter store in the best light, did it? Let's change that with a more positive twist- their LEGO deals are pretty peak.

This is the only place in the Netherlands where i've seen polybags from the year 2024 so far. And as the title of 'discounter store' would imply, they were priced more gently than they would have been elsewhere. 3 bucks a pop! Now, these aren't alllll the polybags, there's a few more that I would appreciate to get so I can truly become the Budget Master (trademark), but this is a solid enough start.

As amazing as it is, My First Duck is out of the equation as a Duplo set. Here's the rest of them!

LEGO City - 30664 Police Off-Road Buggy Car

City, as consistent as clockwork. This is the only time you'll actually see the Police subtheme in my series, and it makes it count. Sorta.

It's 35 pieces, meaning it's easily the least substantial of the bunch, though it's really not all that bad. Hell, it compares favorably to some of the sets that it reminds me of. For one, the police motorcycle from 2005 came with only 28 pieces and was twice as expensive (it surprisingly being in a box probably had to do with it). And hey, it does drive rather nicely and comes with a somewhat uncommon minifigure torso as well as a completely unique 'wanted' poster.

For €3, you could do much worse. I would've liked it as a kid especially, I was never great with the big builds. Curiously, this was the one polybag to come with a vertical instruction manual as well. I'm autistic enough to notice that, hehe.

LEGO Friends - 30659 Flower Garden

Consider this a little preview of what will soon become a common theme on my blog. LEGO Friends is not something I really considered worth my time back in the day. I know, shock horror. But they always stood out negatively since they had the most brutal advertising, with a kid saying 'LEGO Friends' with the weirdest intonation possible. It's like when you would splice in a couple words from another sentence. Brutal.

So color me surprised when I say that I really enjoyed building this one. Clocking in at 64 pieces and therefore beating out the 4+ sets already, though about a quarter of them are already used on the petals of the sunflower. Doesn't matter too much.

The tulip is probably my favorite part, it required few pieces but the end result is very accurate looking. The sunflower is a lil hard to fidget into it's right spot, but is very flexible and that is always a lil fun. Overall, a nice addition to a bigger Friends playfield.

LEGO Creator - 30666 Gift Animals

Okay, so we can all generally agree that Lego Creator 3in1 is the best unthemed catagory for kids, right? They're affordable, rebuildable for a fair amount of time and generally look pretty nice as well. Plenty of sets that are pretty much just off-brand City or Friends escapades. Like this one, Gift Animals. With a whopping 75 pieces, it pretty much rivals what you could do with most sets I have covered as of late, for €7 less. LEGO On A Budget was MADE for sets like these.

The dog is the largest draw, of course. It uses up 71 pieces and is surprisingly very flexible. You can turn it's head so it can look like it's pleading at you with it's googly eyes. Same with the paws, tail and ears, they're all movable parts. I really dig that! It's a good build.

...Yet I should've built it last.

Can someone PLEASE explain to me what this is supposed to represent? I can only think of something among the lines of a bear cub or a weird different dog breed. I need answers! For that reason alone, it goes at the bottom of the Gift Animals tier list.

This is where the slightly disappointing reality set in, the other two builds only use like, two thirds of the available pieces. I mean it sorta makes sense, after all you can't really make 3 things with the same exact, rather obscure pieces. Still a small blemish, imagine if this little polybag would have more pieces used than the most elaborate €10 set. That'd be hilarious and sad.

The squirrel (right???) fares a little better. It's still not using a lot of the pieces, and it's the least flexible animal. On the flipside though, it's way more unique than whatever that previous alien was compared to the dog, and has a decent heft to it thanks to this mammal being a bit of a chonker. I like it a fair amount, gonna make it sniff at the Friends flowers in my little cabinet for this stuff.

And that concludes my escapades with the polybags for now. I'm surprised, really! These are well adapted for the price they are sold at, I would even argue that despite it's shortcomings, the Gift Animals set is a no brainer for the young'ins that don't have a lot of pocket money. Just don't forget that My First Duck will always be the peak of LEGO.

#lego #lego review #lego city #lego friends #lego creator #lego polybags #minuy600 #review

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lanaevyssmoved · 5 months

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Its really not your fault im illiterate at reading people so i interperted you posting less about him as not liking him anymore but also i know how shit i am at this so i assumed im Wrong lmao anyway your tags thou!!! So many questions!! If you are up for it and you are okay with talking about this, could you tell us what gale did to you like how did he change you 👀 because 1)i love reading how gale has made people realize so many things about themselves 2) SAME I COULD WRITE A BOOK ON HOW THE RIZZARD CHANGED ME FUNDAMENTALLY HOLLYSHIT anyway thanks for being awesome fray honestly my fav blog and i hope to see more about your ocs and just generally everything ❤️ i hope more people talk to you about gale !!!

hmm.. well, since you're so cute anon

i've just come out of a decently long relationship that wasn't healthy, in fact i came out of it very shortly before bg3 released. throughout that relationship i was too exhausted and drained to.. really care about much for more than a day. i felt like i was broken and my ability to find new special interests (autistic style) was just gone, and i couldn't love my existing ones anymore either.

bg3 is the first thing i've really cared about in awhile, i cared about it enough to start posting on tumblr again, to make gifs and to write for the first time in a decade! and it wouldn't have happened without gale, specifically. i didn't really post about my first tav, i didn't post about other characters, it was my need to see and consume more gale that.. has me here on tumblr right now.

and honestly - afhiri became so important to me because i really enjoyed their dynamic with gale. afhiri wouldn't be afhiri if it wasn't for gale!!! so . like

i don't think gale changed me so much as gale came into my life at just the right time to help me feel alive again and want to have friends again and be around people again. to be in a community and have a shared interest with lots of people. sometimes it gets overwhelming and i wish i was alone again, self isolating again, but then i see a new fat gale fanart and i'm fixed

#fray.txt #ask #Anonymous #abuse mention #not really but i'm using it as a catch-all tag #im sorry this wasnt as joyous as your mood is SDL;FKDSFS but i wanted to be honest. because i think ur cute

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inkflourish · 6 months

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— WRITEBLR REINTRODUCTION hello! My name's Theodore Novak, or just Theo. It's been quite a while (three years?) since I've been on my writeblr, and I'm so glad to be coming back. I'm 32 years old, non-binary, genderfluid, bisexual, and ace/arospec, and my pronouns are they/them or he/him. I have chronic pain and anxiety, and I'm also autistic/have adhd. Oh, and as of this semester, I'm a undergrad student majoring in english.

I write mostly queer romance, but I may branch out into other genres as time goes on. I usually focus on trans men or non-binary protagonists, but again, I'm open to writing characters of any gender and sexuality. I have a preference for darker fiction, I think, but how dark? We'll find out together!

Please be over eighteen to follow/interact. My fiction is not appropriate for minors, and some posts on this blog may be nsfw.

— FIND ME ELSEWHERE twitter // wattpad // spotify

— WORKS IN PROGRESS

requiem — victor kirkland was raised to hunt vampires, a family tradition going back centuries. but a year ago, the vampiric community came out of the proverbial coffin, revealing themselves to humanity at large. now, victor is turning twenty, the traditional age of the first vampire hunt. but vampires are legally people, now, if not human, and hunting one is murder. victor is reluctantly trying to move on with his life when he's attacked by a group of vampires in revenge for his family's legacy. fearing that he isn't going to make it through the night, his life is saved by their leader - who claims to be his mate.

desperate & demonic — oliver sinclair is something of an outcast in his senior year of high school. not bullied, but something he hates just as much - ignored. not to mention his father just lost his job, and he and his mother are going through a bitter divorce. after coming out as trans to disastrous results, oliver summons a demon to make a deal. at first, he thinks it doesn't work, but then a new student transfers to his school, and slowly oliver realizes that he is the demon he summoned.

feral blood — on his wedding night, kieran holloway committed the worst crime known to werewolves - he's an omega who murdered his alpha in cold blood. to kieran, though, it was a righteous kill. still, he is convicted of murder, and banished from his pack forever. life for a rogue is hard, the risk of going feral is high, and chicago is a dangerous city for an omega without a pack. but kieran would rather be feral than chained to an alpha. but when he meets a mismatch pack in the city, he'll learn that there's more to being an omega than he ever knew, and that he has more power than he ever thought.

#writeblr #writeblr intro #writeblr introduction #writeblr community #writerscommunity #writers on tumblr #writing community #wip intro #wip introduction #myintro #mywip #mine.

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rainstormcolors · 1 year

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1, 10, 20, 25, and 26 for Seto Kaiba ;)

Thank you for the ask. I love this problematic boy very much.

1. My first impression of them

I began with the DM anime’s version of the character. It had been maybe the first time I felt invested in a fictional character at all if I’m honest. (The autistic alexithymia is probably part of my more muted emotional reactions to media.) (Ken from Digimon 02 may have been near the first time for feeling invested in fiction as well but I can’t recall exactly.) I recall being moved by Seto’s hallucinatory breakdown on the castle top and then him stepping backwards to the ledge.

And I read the manga later, as it was first being released in the states, and I liked the manga. I liked Manga Seto and as the volumes came out I was invested in him. But the anime was what I knew first and initially cared for more. But over time the manga version became more and more important to me.

10. Describe the character in one sentence

He doesn’t know if he can be saved, and part of him wanted to be ruined, and it was like everything he touched he destroyed, and he wanted to be alone and he hated being alone, and he wanted to reach the stars and he wanted to shine, and he could create things, and he didn’t ever know what he felt.

20. A weird headcanon

Seto also likes the little wild tadpoles that appear in the manor’s fountain and will watch them sometimes. (Mokuba liked the tadpoles first. Seto is also more secretive about liking them.)

25. When do you think they acted the most ooc

There are differences between the Seto Kaibas of different canons, and they can feel OOC if compared directly to each other but I think it’s more fair to view them as their own characters in these cases and to understand what you and others want from canon.

But as I’ve mentioned on this blog before, Seto’s writing at the end of Noa Arc as he learns Gozaburo is still alive, as he meets with this man who he called father and who hurt him and who he thought was dead, as he defeats him again and watches the man distort into some inhuman creature who is destroyed again… Seto’s written in a pretty basic way in response to all this. Noa’s response to Gozaburo is much more emotional in contrast (which to me does signal the arc is ultimately about Noa’s story I suppose). I think we all know I like themes of feeling haunted by grief and the dead, so I do find this to be a weakness in the DM anime’s writing of Seto even if overall I enjoy the Noa Arc and think it offers a lot in itself and also understand it as something like a metaphorical haunted house for Seto. I do honestly very much enjoy the final three episodes of the arc.

26. When do you think they were being "themselves" the most?

I feel that Seto doesn’t really know who he is while at the same time insisting inwardly and outwardly that he does know who he is, and there’s a lot of insecurity. I think, as KT even said, that Seto does want and enjoy having an opponent. I think Seto can be genuinely enthralled by it. The way this desire plays out in canon is very complex and at times is self-destructive and devastating, but Seto also at times feels alive and connected through these face-offs and he seeks that feeling and connection and purpose. Seto is young and he’s been through a lot of turmoil and I do feel it’s complicated. But I think Seto felt alive and could feel like himself -- in the present, as he is for who he is -- when he dueled.

#seto kaiba

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redjadethewriter · 4 days

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My Critique of a Blog About Cold People

This morning while having my cup of coffee I came across a blog in my feed, “8 Traits of a Cold Person and 4 Effective Ways to Handle Them” written by Sarah Jensen. After reading it, I have an urge to share my perspective on it.

Just so you’re aware, I’m a cold personality type. It’s my analysis of myself, regardless of what people may assume. I also understand this personality trait is not my true nature, it is just something I developed through childhood from the environment and as a coping mechanism. I guess we are talking about “Nature vs Nurture”. Cold personality traits, in my honest opinion, are strictly based on nurture. Only in the past decade people realized the effects of trauma, environmental influences and unfortunately, not so great parenting. Let’s just say, even when I was a child, my mom was worried about how I don’t warm up to people easily and I can appear cold. So, this is not only me self-analyzing. Now there are some things I agree with in this blog and there are things I don’t, but definitely the 4 ways to handle someone such as myself I agree with. Which these behaviors in the first place, in my opinion, stem from C-PTSD. But either way, let’s get into it.

#1. Emotional Indifference. “A cold person may exhibit a lack of empathy and emotional expression (Jensen, 2024).” With the emotional expression I agree with, I developed a stoic mask to hide my emotions. Like playing poker with life, I showed little facial expression to things. Even in crisis, I used to have a dead-calm face. Even some friends, they admit who suffered from childhood trauma, developed a way to suppress their emotional responses and actually, could respond with absolute clarity when shit happened around them. But, by no means, we lack empathy. It’s quite the opposite. We have an exceptional amount of empathy and compassion, but we dissociate most of the time. I think this person is referring to someone who developed sociopathy or narcism. That’s a whole different turnaround in terms of mental disorders which, yet again, externally influenced.

#2. Formal Communication. “Cold people prefer a formal way of speaking and might maintain physical and emotional distance, even in a close relationship. They often avoid physical contact and may be stiff or unapproachable (Jensen, 2024).” Not entirely accurate or false. First, you might have to consider that people on the Autistic spectrum, especially the ones undiagnosed, are not comfortable with random affection. Not all cultures are physically or emotionally affectionate. Formal way of speaking, lol. If you grew up in a household that emphasized speaking formally over casually, you would also speak formally most of the time. Working jobs, I had to always speak formally and watch what I say because so many issues can occur. But with friends and family members, I don’t speak formally. Actually, people have told me I have a sailor’s tongue. With random people or just acquaintances, I will speak formally until I sense that it’s ok to speak casually or freely with them enough to let my jokester-self out. It’s a matter of respect. And physical boundaries matter too, especially if you have experienced physical abuse in your life. You wouldn’t want just anyone crossing your personal boundaries. It’s a fight flight response. So, there are a variety of things to consider here. Think of culture, whether they are ASD, or if they have C-ptsd or Ptsd. Each approach will be different.

#3. High Autonomy. “Cold people are highly independent. They prefer solitary work, and may shun collaboration, valuing personal space, and solitude, which helps them recharge (Jensen, 2024).” Ok, if they are introverted, yes, they will need solitude to rest. But this falls back to the contradiction of #1. of lack of empathy. A cold person is highly empathic and can take in more than the average, so they will isolate more, especially if they work jobs that require them to be around many people all the time. Also, high independency, in my opinion, comes from having to become an adult early and set aside childhood. Yet again, this falls under someone who suffers from C-PTSD, which imposter syndrome stems from as well. It can come from becoming the parent to your parents. Also, people who have PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance), they don’t want anyone telling them what to do. So, people with PDA pursue self-employment and become entrepreneurs. By the way, I don’t shun collaboration, but sometimes I end up taking the leadership role if I’m the one with the most skill to get things done in an efficient manner. If you're an artist or in any creative field, you're gonna value personal space and some solitude, how else will work get done? So, yet again, there are many things to consider.

#4. Realistic Outlook. “Cold people often approach life with a realistic and detached perspective. They are pragmatic, solving problems logically rather than emotionally, which sometimes appears as skepticism or cynicism (Jensen, 2024).” Yet again, only my opinion, this is still referring to someone with complex trauma. Becoming cynical can come from chronic burnout. It’s actually one of many symptoms of burnout. Because someone who developed hyper independence, it means they are doing everything on their own and can’t rely on help, because they never got any help as a child and had to do everything they can to be self-sufficient at all costs. This is a survival mindset versus a thriving mindset. Someone with complex trauma or ptsd, it’s a challenge to thrive or be connected to emotions again. Alexithymia is common in CPTSD, PTSD, ASD, ADHD, get what I’m saying. We don’t have access to our full spectrum of emotions because of unresolved internal issues.

#5. Reserved Nature. “People who are cold are typically private and rarely share personal details and feelings. They value discretion, observe rather than take part, and might seem secretive or overly private (Jensen, 2024).” Uhh… this yet again requires figuring the reasons. Some people on the Autistic spectrum can’t process group conversations well, there are some like me who observe the conversation and then calculate a response. Not everyone has the best social skills as well. And some who values privacy is because it’s a matter of vulnerability. How safe does the person feel to let down their guard? For me, it’s a lot to consider before I let anyone know about personal details of me, or anything, even revolving around the things I do. I’ve had issues where I let people get close and they weaponized it for their egos. It’s painful as hell to become vulnerable with someone, only to have them betray your trust. That’s a major insecurity that a lot people suffer from. Many people have issues with rejection and abandonment issues. Listen, I rarely meet people who are brave enough to showcase their true selves or even say what they want or how they feel. Becoming overly private, there’s a valid reason behind it. If you come across a person like that and you want them to open up more. Make it clear through actions to make sure you are a safe person to share themselves with. And that can be taxing because it requires so much work and persistency, but if you want to connect with that person and consider it worth the effort, I guarantee the person will stealthily appreciate it. Because subconsciously, they want you to give up. They expect you to give up, but you have to prove them wrong.

#6. Self-control and Discipline. “A cold person will often display impeccable self-control and personal discipline, which can manifest as a lack of spontaneity. Their controlled nature helps them manage their emotions tightly, but it can hinder their emotional expression (Jensen, 2024).” You know, I noticed and I’m not the only one who thinks this, people who have suffered countless traumas. Childhood, shit in life… they use discipline as a distraction. A lot of us become obsessed with productivity. Some of us get into extreme activities, dangerous ones. They become addicted to exercising. Some things that people might consider as good habits are really just them using it to have control over the chaos brewing inside them. Because the moment that unleashes, it’s messy. Listen, I don’t lack spontaneity as a cold person. People with ADHD like myself have an impulse control issues. So, when I say messy, if I let my emotions rule and succumb to that itch for stimulus, oh my gosh. Over time, I learned to accept I have to change things up in life and not always stick to a routine. Individuals with ASD find comfort in routine, which can be seen as discipline when in reality they need the stability to not become overwhelmed. The stability helps with their nervous system. I even have to do a lot of things to help regulate my nervous system or I’ll go crazy as fuck and my body will break down because of it. Therefore, really critically think first on the reasons. Some cold people can be stealthily spontaneous as hell. Outside people are just not going to witness it.

#7. Skepticism and Distrust. “Deep-seated skepticism or distrust toward other’s intentions, which can make them seem guarded or overly cautious (Jensen, 2024).” Anyone with trauma, especially the ones who survived horrendous situations at home, or with someone they trust, is always going to question the intentions of others. Trust must be earned, not given, at this point. Those of us who are survivors will say this, prove your intentions, and let us decide if we consider you a safe person to let into our life. That’s all I have to say about that.

# 8. Reflective and Introspective. “Despite their distant nature, cold people often engage deeply in self-reflection and contemplation, making them insightful and thoughtful, though perhaps overly analytical (Jensen, 2024).” I think people don’t self-reflect enough. To be honest, sometimes being over analytical is because of insecurities. I have to analyze to predict an outcome because I don’t enjoy being surprised in life by anything. I even have a deep insecurity about the future because I want to know, I want the safety of knowing. There’s a sense of wanting control, especially towards my well being. Some of my ex friends would re-run situations repeatedly, especially conversations with people. Trauma can also cause some of us to become people pleasers, especially if we had a narcissistic parent or lived in an abusive household. Personally, I want the path of least friction for my own mental well-being. It’s exhausting. But because I spend a lot of time in solitude because of my artistic personality and empathic nature, I spend a good portion of it reflecting on my mistakes and gain insight to improve. But this, yet again, stems from trauma and a lot of normalized bullshit.

Now about the methods of dealing with someone with a cold personality.

#1. Have An Empathetic and Respectful Approach. That needs to be toward anyone. “Respect their need for space. Listen actively, and engage thoughtfully, showing interest without being overbearing (Jensen, 2024).” This I totally agree with. I said it before, taking actions and actual interest in that person, and keep consistent, it matters. That person has to see first if they can trust you or even rely on you.

#2. Clear and Direct Communication. Oh my gosh, I don’t like it when people are passive with their words and not upfront. I understand some people developed a habit of not saying what they want for certain reasons, such as not being able to ask for things out of fear of being denied it. Also, there’s a fear of rejection and being thought differently of, meaning acceptance. However, I appreciate anyone who gets to the point with me and says what they want, because it gives me the sign to do the same. And I agree with the blogger that it helps build trust and have less misunderstanding. Because believe me, miscommunication sucks.

#3. Recognize and Value Their Independence. “Appreciate their self-sufficiency. Allow them the autonomy they need in tasks and decisions without making them feel isolated or unsupported (Jensen, 2024).” I am gonna be honest; I have issues with receiving help. It’s not something I ask for or expect receiving. As much as self-sufficiency can be a good thing, I understand now because I’ve been working on the root of my cold tendencies to realize it’s exhausting doing things alone. I cultivated self-sufficiency so I wouldn’t feel like I would owe someone. Because with my environment and what I grew up experiencing, most things came at a price, including help. To me, when I ask for help, it’s the equivalent of selling my soul. That’s how much it bothers me. But someone who appreciates the things I do, or even acknowledges that I work hard. I’m going to tell you the truth. At first I didn’t know how to process it. I didn’t even know how to respond to it. Think of it as a foreign concept for someone like me. It’s going to take a while. So, expect them to not react to any compliments at first, but it will slowly chip away, and maybe they will accept it as truth. I know it took me a while to accept the good things people would say about me. Compliments and all.

#4. Build Trust Gradually. “Foster a trustworthy environment (Jensen, 2024).” Oh my gosh, beautiful. “Be consistent and reliable in your actions and commitments(Jensen, 2024).” I one hundred percent agree. That’s all we want. That’s what I want. A safe environment, and we want to trust. Believe me, we deeply want to trust someone. No matter what anyone says, deep down, this is the goal. This is my paradise. “Demonstrate integrity through actions rather than just words (Jensen, 2024).” All of this would thaw out my heart at some point. For me, yes, because I recognized trauma is the root of my cold tendencies. I’ve separated that this is not my nature, and the real me is somewhere under a thick layer of darkness. And only healing and creating a safe environment filled with trusting people will bring that out.

Thank you!

Link to article:

https://www.wecb.fm/8-traits-of-a-cold-person-and-4-effective-ways-to-handle-them/

#lgbt author #life blogging #writers on tumblr #mental health #childhood trauma #ptsd #complex ptsd #building trust #emotional health #self reflection #self awareness #healing trauma #neurodivergent #assimilation #masking #asd #adhd

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