#i reread this last night and realized its not at all how i wanted it to be | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

chososdiscordkitten · 4 months

Text

How JJK Men Jack Off.

Includes: 𝑯𝒊𝒈𝒖𝒓𝒖𝒎𝒂, 𝑪𝒉𝒐𝒔𝒐, 𝑮𝒐𝒋𝒐, 𝑵𝒂𝒏𝒂𝒎𝒊, 𝑮𝒆𝒕𝒐, 𝒏𝒅 𝑻𝒐𝒋𝒊 Content: jjk men fondling themselves to the thought of reader hehe, GN!Reader in all of em, will put cws before any of em :>

(a.n) I listened to sooo much country while writing this</3 nsfw under the cut- duh. I can go into severe, painful, thousand word long tangent on Choso's but I didn't wanna make this too long

MDNI

Hiromi Higuruma

Empty office, cursing, established relationship, spit, stressed Hiromi is sexier

I see Hiromi as the kind of guy to not do it so often. Before becoming a sorcerer I think he'd be at work, late at night, alone in the office. Rereading a casefile he couldn't crack and feeling irritation pound in his skull. Not knowing why he was so snappy or curt as of late. Then it would hit, because he hasn't gotten that poison out in a while. He'd do it more as a chore at first. Thinking with one orgasm he’ll be fine for another few days.

But when he’d undo his belt, the metal clinking making his eyebrows furrow. Slow fingers unzipping his slacks the way you'd do it, black briefs greeting him with a semi beneath the fabric. Pulling up the hem of his button up and tucking it between his teeth. The kind of man to not need porn or need to look at magazines to get hard. Hiromi had his imagination and relied on that.

If we included you in this, he'd remember the last time you were on your knees before him. How your pretty lips wrapped around him perfectly- how your eyes sparkled when you looked up at him. And if we're talking single Hiromi, he’d just picture a hand other than his own. No face hovering above it or anyone in specific.

Hiromi would start off slow, pulling his cock out in his office chair. Feet planted on the ground to keep the chair from swiveling. Looking on his desk to see if there was any lotion or anything to use as lube. The disappointment he felt when he realized he'd have to use his own spit and precum was humbling. But he was already on the road to being fully erect so what could he do?

Taking a light hand onto his tan base, sighing a straggled breath as he felt the warmth fill his palm. Fluttering his eyes closed as his head tipped back onto the plush chair. Lightly stroking his hand up and down to coax a few tears of precum from his pinkening tip. Pulling his hand from his hard cock, blinking his eyes open and gathering saliva on his tongue, spitting it onto his palm before hurrying it back to his cock. Wincing when he felt the spit press against his tip.

A soft exhale leaving his lungs as his hand squeezed his member. Spreading his spit and the clear precum down his shaft with closed eyes, lips parted as he took soft inhales, gently stroking his cock as he felt his orgasm build.

Definitely not the type to edge or overstimulate, especially when he's just jacking off to relieve some tension.

Hiromi tried to make this last as long as he could, his lips threatening to let out small comments to himself as he pictured you between his knees, “Feels so good-” he’d mumble quietly between soft moans. The hem of his shirt falling from his teeth. Trying to keep a slow pace from how good he was feeling. His skin searing beneath his suit as his hand tightened its grip.

Keeping a steady pace, his hand squeezed past his tip, a small ‘hah-’ in the shape of a moan left his lips at the sudden feeling. Eyes shut tight as his hand quickened its pace, the corner of his lips curling into a smile as warmth flooded in his tummy.

Unashamed whimpers would leave Hiromi’s lips, knowing you weren't there so he didn't have to hold them back. Bottom lip tucked beneath pearly white teeth as he struggled to let out a curse, “F-fuck-” as his wrist turned over, pumping himself at a new angle, his tip grazing his palm as his breathing quickened, eyes cracking open as his orgasm neared its edge.

Looking for a place to spurt his cum onto- not wanting to make a mess. Only to stand on wobbly feet, cock in hand as he pumped himself, hunched over his desk. Using his other for stability as shaky eyes scanned the top of the dark wood top. Littered in various papers and notes, looking over to the picture of you and him he had framed on his desk.

With a loud groan his seed spurted out of him without warning, huffs evading his throat as his hand slowed its pace. Softening cock in his palm as the realization he had just spilled his mess onto that stupid case file. Hiromi puffed in annoyance, letting go of his half soft cock and looking down at his mess. Heart pumping in his chest as he felt the small twitches in his body as he came down.

But he still felt that irritation fill his mind, even more now knowing that he'd have to reprint those stupid papers. Knowing when he got home he'd have to do it again and again till that irritation left his veins.

Choso Kamo

Pillowfucking, phone sex, use of sweet boy, baby and sweetheart, reader talks him through it, mentions of reader getting penetrated but nothing in detail.

With Choso I like to think he doesn't like doing it so often, especially if he has you. It almost feels like a betrayal to him. But when you'd be too busy or too tired, he'd do it. When I picture it I think of him laying on his side, in your shared bed, holding your pillow tightly laying his pj bottoms, no t-shirt so he could feel your scent on his skin.

Choso’s eyes were closed, inhaling deeply into the fabric. Thinking about you as he tried to sleep. And as his thoughts wandered through the memories of you, they trailed to the most intimate ones. Your blushed cheeks that his thumb would caress, the way your eyebrows furrowed when you were close, how soft your hands were against his skin.

Your gentle touch, the way your eyelashes would clump together when tears of pleasure would fall from your blinking eyes. How your soft skin feels against his lips when he would pepper kisses on every inch of your skin. The way you'd grip onto his back so harshly you’d leave hand prints when you’d finish.

Little by little, inhale by inhale, his cock showed him just how much he missed you. With a harsh inhale of your scent, his cock dripped a tear onto his pants. Softly bucking his hips up into your pillow, trying to soothe the ache that grew between his thighs. Huffing softly as the blood shot directly to his cock, tucking his lip between his teeth as he closed his eyes. Thinking about you- your eyelashes, your lips, the beauty marks that had the privilege of staying on your skin every waking moment.

Softly whining as his cock brushed against the pillow, he let out an unsatisfied puff from the lack of stimulation on his tip. Sitting up on his knees and pressing his growing bulge against the cloth, keeping his hands on the pillow as he looked down at it. Thinking how pitiful it was that he was considering doing what he was thinking of. He sighed, feeling his hair block the sides of his vision.

Choso trailed his hands from the sides of the pillow, picturing it was your torso- not the useless cotton. Wondering a hand to his thigh, blinking his eyes shut and picturing it was yours. Undoing the small bow on his checkered pants slowly, like you’d do it. Chest adorned with a roaming blush as his cockhead dribbled.

Pushing the band of his bottoms down as his cock strained against the fabric, a soft whimper leaving his lips at the tug. Wincing when it sprung from his pants, looking down and seeing how hard he was. Pinkening tip dribbling small tears of precum that smeared against the pillow case, easing himself down on the back of his calves, slowly bucking his hips- the tip of his needy cock dragging against the cloth cover.

Straightening his spine and tipping his head back, his hands on the pillow gripping harshly. Mouth cracking open as soft pants left his throat. Slowly thrusting against the pillow as he pictured it was you- frustrated that the warmth was non existent against his cock.

Oh but if you were here, it would be so warm. You'd be so warm, so wet just for him, picturing how you'd hug his cock perfectly.

Bucking into the cloth as his hands clutched onto your pillow harshly, soft grunts leaving his throat, threatening to form your name between them. Rolling his hips against the damp cloth, facing the ceiling as your name slipped from his plump lips. Hazy eyes going to close as he felt the knot in his tummy slip.

So focused on trying to cum, desperate hips rolling onto the pillow. Half lidded eyes aiming to roll back as he bucked harshly.

A loud ringing coming from his phone a few inches away from him threw Choso from his focus. Seeing your contact photo blaring on the screen was all it took for him to cum, hot cream colored tears spilling on your pillow. Unclenching his hand from the abused cushion and shakily reaching for the phone, small hic’s leaving his chest as he swiped ‘answer’, slowly rolling his hips back as he eased down from his orgasm.

“Hello?” he sighed breathlessly, the word sounding shaky and almost in a whimper as he hunched over the pillow, his cockhead brushing against his mess. Still hard and unsatisfied as waves of his previous orgasm rippled in his chest. ‘Hey- I know we talked earlier but-’ you were greeted with heavy breaths as you spoke, ‘-I felt the sudden need to call you…?’ your tone turned suspicious as he closed his eyes, his hips threatening to keep thrusting- greedily craving another orgasm.

He responded with a small whine, the urge to keep bucking into the soiled pillow was too much to think clearly. ‘What's wrong, why are you-’ you smiled with a scoff, “I just- really missed you-” he let out a small ‘ah-’ as he thrusted up into his cum, holding the phone close to his ear as you gathered what he was doing.

‘Awe, I miss you too sweet boy.’ you grinned, Choso huffed at the pet name. He let out a drawn out whine, his sensitive tip fucking into his mess at your words. Choso’s hips followed no set pace as he spilled out louder whines, showing you he was close. ‘There you go baby~’ you spoke sweetly, being able to recognize the adoration filled sounds he made when he was close. He grunted harshly, his hips rolling without pattern as he felt that knot come undone again in his tummy.

Eyebrows furrowed so tightly it was starting to hurt, dragging his hips back and forth as he worked himself towards another orgasm.

‘Therree you go.’ you hummed, hearing his heaving ease as he muttered small curses between moans. Being thrown into an orgasm almost immediately after the last one. His lower abs contorting as his tip spurt more of his seed onto your pillow, knowing if you had found out he was doing this on what you rested your head on, you wouldn't have been so nice, so he made sure to keep that little tidbit to himself. ‘Feel better?’ you crooned through the phone, hearing the softening whimpers, Choso nodded his head slowly, a droplet of sweat trailing down his temple.

“Yes-” he took a deep breath, “I feel better- thank you.” he huffed with a shaky tone, cheeks pink and tingling from your kindness, slowly easing off of your pillow, ‘Don't thank me sweetheart, I didn't do nothin.’ he tossed himself onto the bed, phone on his ear as he heard your soft tone. ‘S’late, clean up nd go to bed for me, okay?’ you instructed, hearing him let out a small grunt at the task. Twitching as he laid on his side.

Shaky hands and fluttering eyes as he smiled at your tone, “Okay. Goodnight-” he breathed your name sweetly, hearing you bid a goodbye and hang up. Shivering shoulders and twitching thighs as he eased down from the orgasm you threw him into violently using your words. Sighing as his hair eased onto the pillows, frustrated knowing he'd have to clean up his desperate mess sooner or later.

Satoru Gojo

Public bathroom, phone sex, use of baby, dirty talk (duh), gojo calls reader pretty, insinuated reader also yknow

Gojo for sure squeezes his snake more often than not. Especially when you aren't around to assist, the type to try and use his imagination, eyes squeezed tight trying to focus. But he'd get frustrated enough to pull out his phone, he'd try to find pictures or videos of you he took or ones you've sent him.

And if we're talking single Gojo, no you included, he would hesitantly watch porn- only for a few minutes, and never a complete video. Too cautious of the whole ‘porn addiction’ thing.

I see him being between missions, tense and walking past the many shops on the sidewalk. A shit eating grin plastered on his face when he saw the banner for a sex store a few feet away. Remembering how you made a comment of how hot you found phone sex. And how it's a shame that he never calls you unless it's a few seconds long to tell you he's on his way home.

Stepping out of the store's entrance, small pink bag in hand as Gojo looked for a public restroom that was secluded. A small giggle left his throat when he found a public family bathroom. Taking his phone out of his pocket and clicking the dial on your contact, waiting as he held the phone on his shoulder. Placing the pink bag on the sink, pulling out the small bottle of lube and ripping the plastic seal.

‘Hey- I was just thinkin’ about you.’ You spoke through the phone, hearing him let out a delighted scoff, “I was thinking about you too~” he smiled through his tone, making you suspicious because he only used that specific tone when he was up to no good. ‘What’re you up to ‘toru?’ you asked with a detective tone, hearing a cap open through the phone.

“Nothin hehe~” he grinned, placing the phone on the counter and clicking the speaker button. “You remember when you told me how much you liked phone sex?” he grinned shamelessly, pushing his blindfold up and eyeing the small bottle of lube before taking his hand to his clothed cock. Palming it slowly as he waited for your reply.

‘Toru I'm at work-’ you defended, knowing exactly where this was going. Fondling himself with a smile, “Technically so am I~” he grinned, undoing his belt and the button of his uniform pants. “You don’t even have to do nothin- just talk to me~” he smiled, pulling his cock from his briefs and looking at it awaiting your reply.

‘Are you being serious?’ you asked, rushing out of your cubicle and hushing into the phone. “Mm- I’m being so serious.” he hummed through pursed lips, “Take some responsibility - I'm leaking cause of yooouu~” he smiled, tilting his head as a dribble of precum spilled from his tip. ‘Hold on- lemme go to a bathroom-’ you hurried to the elevator- feeling a sprinkle of shame at how riled up the thought had you.

Gojo spurt out a decent amount of lube onto his hand, a toothy smile adorning his lips as he pressed it to his cock with an over exaggerated moan. Your eyes going wide at the sudden increase of volume. ‘I thought you weren't coming home till friday?’ you urged in a whisper, hearing him let out small whimpers as he stroked himself slowly. “I do, but I missed you sooo-” the word formed into a moan as he squeezed past his tip. Pressing your thighs together hearing the vulgar sounds.

“-so so much.” he finished the sentence, making your face heat up and closing your eyes. Picturing what he looked like right now. Rushing out of the metal doors and into the family bathroom, locking it and pressing your back against the wall as filthy moans invaded your ears. ‘I missed you too, ‘toru.’ You sighed, hearing the loud squelching from his hand.

“Fuck- say that again.” he whined, Gojo’s eyebrows pinched together as his hand sped up its pace. ‘I missed you so much Satoruuu~’ Playing into his game, hearing a content moan fall from his lips as he thumbed the edge of his tip. Gojo let out a small huff feeling his hand push him up that ledge, ‘You sound so pretty ‘toru~’ You smiled, thighs pressed tightly together as he let a forced laugh leave his lips.

“I’m sooo close-” he smiled, pressed against the wall next to the sink as he stroked his cock harshly with filthy squelches, knees threatening to buckle. ‘You get all hot nd bothered by just my voice?’ you teased hearing his breathing quicken, “I get all hot nd bothered by just thinking about you-” he huffed, the phone screen turning on and seeing your contact photo, “You're so pretty-” he whined, almost complaining as his back threatened to arch against the wall.

“I wish you were here-” he huffed, hearing you smile through the words, ‘I know- I know.’ you smiled, inching your hand closer to the band of your bottoms, “M’cumming-” he clenched his teeth together, “fuckfuckfuck-” he babbled through pursed lips, teeth gritting with hot ears and cerulean eyes rolling to the back of his skull.

Reaching into your own bottoms to take care of the issue he raised. With a loud grunt he came- spurting his mess onto the filthy floor, uncaring if he made a mess. His shoulders shivering as his pale shaft twitched against his own hand. The sounds of his unashamed whimpers ringing through your ears, ‘Now that you're finished-’ you smiled, shoving your bottoms down and hearing his heaving slow, chest flexing from the ripples of his orgasm ‘Take some responsibility for how you have me.’ you mocked his words.

The words made his softening cock spring back to life, “You're so naughty~” he teased almost in a whine, hearing you let out a content hum, ‘If im naughty then you're filthy.’ you took a sharp inhale, batting your eyes closed as your hand continued slowly. “I am.” he muttered, stroking his cock once more as his ears ate up the small pants and whimpers from the phone. “I am.” he admitted proudly, trying to shake off the sensitivity that rumbled through his cock head.

Kento Nanami

Thinks of reader whilst yknow, cursing, not a lot cws needed, just really, really messy

Yet another man who thinks of it as a chore. I see Nanami coming home from work, no blazer or tie and three buttons undone at the top of his collar. Not having the gall to actually do it anywhere but his home. Exhausted from being on his feet all day, lounging on the couch with a glass of bourbon in his hand. Thinking of things he could do to unwind. It wasn't late enough to go to bed, nor was it early enough- or respectful to call you to see if you'd want to stay the night.

Offensively manspreading, Nanami’s hand subconsciously trailing to his groin, gently placing his palm onto his bulge as he thought, hesitating to move his hand against himself. Pretending to ponder what he could do other than this.

Reading would take too much focus and that's precisely what he did not want to do. Tired physically- but not tired enough to sleep. I see Nanami as the type to think about it for a while- toying with the idea of it for way too long.

And when he finally thinks on it long enough to start thinking about you, he'd put down his glass, palming his semi through the layers of fabric. Softly exhaling at the friction, closing his eyes and dropping his head back as his lips parted. Palming himself over his khakis as his mind flashed through images of you.

The kind of man to try and picture your face, your laugh, your features. But as a man does, his mind would trail to thoughts of what hid beneath your clothing. And if Nanami doesn’t have you, he'd try and think back to the last porn video he watched, just something to get his imagination going.

With a frustrated sigh Nanami removed his palm from his buldge, undoing the belt buckle with hurry, unbuttoning his slacks and sliding down the zipper- almost tearing it from how hurried he was to get his stiffening cock out from the fabric.

Gasping softly as his hands hesitantly pushed the band of his briefs down, greeted by his leaking cock that needed a small push to be fully erect. Wrapping his calloused fingers around his thick shaft, exhaling as his digits caressed the trail of precum oozing down his shaft. His breath picked up as his hand lazily stroked his stiff cock.

Brown eyes struggling to stay open as his lips parted ever so slightly, daring to let out low moans directly from his lungs.

Unwilling though, they rumbled from his throat as he grazed the pads of his fingers over his crying cockhead. Shivering at the ridges of his finger tips against his cockhead. This man's cock is soooo sensitive, I know it in my bones.

Tucking his bottom lip between his teeth as he tried holding back the moans, tightening his grip as he stroked softly past his darkening tip. Huffing out of his nose as his other hand started undoing the buttons of his shirt, feeling his skin radiate beneath the blue fabric. Thick fingers struggling with the tiny buttons as the hand on his cock sped up with urge.

As he let the air hit his pecs, a light blush spread on his swelled chest. His lungs threatened to falter, attempting to remind himself to breathe.

Huffing heavily as his hand undid four buttons before clutching onto the edge of the couch tightly, knuckles turning white as his breathing quickened to pants. His vision went dizzy behind closed eyes picturing you, the knot in his tummy tightening little by little.

Nanami’s pink tip oozing precum assisted his tight fist as he stroked himself, a low whimper leaving his throat as his head ducked forward, muttering small curses between heavy breaths as his hips bucked into his fist lazily. Gritting his teeth as he hung his head back onto the couch. Throat dry from his heavy pants, a small shiver rumbling through his shoulders as his fist squeezed past his tip.

Nose scrunched and eyes half closed, a sliver of light invading his pupils as he pushed himself past his climax. Shoulders trembling as he slowed his hand on his cock, working himself through the high. Mouth hung open in a dry moan as the feverish seed coated his hard working hand. So much of it that it trickled down to his twitching balls.

Groaning as the mess coated his cock, feeling it soften in his palm as he stroked it slowly- eyes threatening to roll back from the oversensitivity. Heavy breaths and twitching shoulders as he overworked himself for the second time that day. Pumping his semi soft cock to try to draw out the overwhelming bliss he felt at that moment.

Holding onto his soft member as he looked down, distraught at the mess that coated his hand and his slacks. Making a note to scold you for how desperate you had him before he got up to shower. Feeling his shirt stick to his back from how worked up he was.

Suguru Geto

Established relationship, dirty talk, wakes up horny ;~;- he looks at a pic of reader with HIS SUBSTANCE on their face, spit, cursing, mentions of face fucking

With Geto I think he tries to be clean with it- in the shower or make sure to shoot his load onto something to avoid making a mess. I see him having trouble staying asleep, huffing and puffing. Tossing and turning as he tried to find a solution unconsciously. Blinking his eyes open, confused as to why he was sweating in his sleep.

Sitting up and parting his lips trying to soothe the dry mouth he woke up to. Only to look down with furrowed eyebrows and squinted eyes, a groaning huff from his chest ignoring the tent in his boxers as he looked over at the clock. 3:45 am.

He’d lay back down and try to go back to sleep. Not wanting to find the energy to deal with the paining bulge in his boxers. Switching positions, squeezing his eyes shut as he toyed with the idea.

But you know what Geto thought was a better solution than dealing with it himself?

Looking over to the you shaped bump below the blankets, seeing you steadily breathing as he called your name once, too quiet for you to hear. Wondering why you weren't sweating just as much as he was. Huffing at your sleeping state, sitting there for a few seconds, blinking away the sparks of sleep he wasn't able to melt back into.

Looking back down to the betrayal that chose to wake him up, moving his lips to the side as he picked up his phone from his nightstand. Easing off of the bed slowly as he stepped out of the bedroom, not wanting to wake you.

Walking towards the guest bathroom- wanting to keep as many walls between you and him as possible so you wouldn't stir awake. Standing in the dim bathroom, the moon illuminating the porcelain sink as Geto unlocked his phone. Gently palming the hard on that was bulging in his boxers as though he was a teenage boy. Almost scolding himself for not being able to control himself as he slept next to you.

His eyes scanning the filthy pictures he took of you. Gripping his fingers around his clothed cock that threatened to make a mess in his boxers. Taking his hand from his bulge and holding his phone in the other. Geto’s free hand making quick work of his boxers and slipping them past his thighs, landing on the ground with a hiss from his lips at the cold air hitting his crying tip, his thumb scrolling as he tried finding the perfect picture.

Licking his bottom lip as he placed his hand on his bare pale shaft with a sigh, looking at the photo splayed in full screen on his phone. His seed coating your cheeks, your nose, and most of it on your tongue as you looked up into the camera with wonderfilled eyes. That was more than enough to pull his hand from his cock and spit onto it harshly. Not having the patience- nor caring enough to actually go get lube from the bedroom.

Teeth gritted as Geto stroked his cock- his grasp tight to make this as quick as he could. Low eyes looking directly to his phone, holding his grunts in his chest as he tucked his lip between his teeth. Working his hand against his shaft roughly, squeezing past his tip as he spread his precum down his member. The hazy state of his mind assisting with how good this felt.

Placing his brightly lit phone onto the porcelain as he gripped onto the ledge of the sink, trying his best to hold back the choked moans that he knew would be too loud for this time of night.

His hand was rough, and quick as he fondled his painful erection. Feeling his eyes roll to the back of his head as he fluttered them closed. Lips parting as a soft grunt left them, picturing you were on your knees below him, practically able to feel your warmth radiate onto his cock. So in detail that his lips taunted to form the praises he’d spout to you.

Knees threatening to buckle as he formed the words, “That's it-” he whispered, hand clutching onto the edge of the sink harshly, the tips of his fingers turning white from the lack of blood flowing to them. “Just like that.” his voice was louder- clear enough to make his cheeks tingle from the embarrassment of what he was doing right now.

Geto let out a hushed whimper from trying to contain his moans, leaning his hips over the sink as he felt himself ascend to the pinnacle he woke up to take care of. His hand made vulgar squelching from how hard he was working himself, fist so tight that he was practically strangling his cock.

Holding his fist onto the porcelain as he angled his hips higher, thrusting back and forth violently as he let out choked grunts. Treating his fist as though it was you he was mouth fucking, not his hand. Lowering his head down- strands of raven hair falling to the sides of his profile as his eyebrows knitted together, mouth hung open in a drawn out grunt. Raising his hips as he angled the tip of his cock into the sink.

Breathing in ragged breaths as he muttered a “M’cumming-” over and over again. With a louder grunt than he expected- he threw himself off the ledge of his orgasm, eyes squeezed tight as his hips refused to falter in how quickly he was thrusting into his fist.

Harsh hips slamming his cock into his hand, “That's it-” he spat through gritted teeth, mind fogged as he tried wrangling his overwhelmed senses. Feeling himself come down from the orgasm he pulled from deep in his lower tummy. His hips slowing their patternless thrusts, his bottom lip trembling as he overworked his cock.

Hesitatingly slowing his hips as his cock softened in his hand, softly humming as he eased his grip against the sink. Ragged breaths leaving his chest as he tried to contain the whimpers that he had been holding in since the beginning, his head pounding from the forced silence.

Hazy eyes looking down to the mess he spilled onto the porcelain, barely able to see it from the lack of light. Exhaling quickly as he reached the hand that was clutched on the edge of the sink to the metal knobs, watching as the water washed away his seed.

Reaching for a decorative hand towel and holding it beneath the warm water. Cleaning his shaft slowly with a hiss before washing his hands. Dying them with the matching hand towel. Tossing them into an empty hamper and lazily pulling up his briefs. Acting like this was no big deal as he walked back into the bedroom. Feeling at peace as he drifted back to sleep.

Toji Zenin

Cold showers, he feels things for reader, 2 orgasms, cursing

Another man who prefers not to make a mess, after a few attempts of jacking off in other places, Toji found it easier to get it over with in the shower. I see him as the type to Pavlov himself into associating showers with orgasms- which makes me laugh in all honesty. So much so that he thought the solution would be cold showers. But those never worked.

Slowly lathering himself with soap as he kept his eyes closed, the cold water against his skin as he thought of what he was to do after this. Making a sloppy mental checklist as his mind trailed to thoughts of you. Of the last time he saw you, and how his chest swelled knowing he was going to see you later that day earning his soft cock to respond with a mindless jump.

Water making his chest glisten, accentuating the ridges of his abs as he tried fighting off the filth that invaded his mind.

Irking his head to the side as he felt that specific warmth pool in his lower tummy. Sucking his teeth sharply as the cold water washed off the soap bubbles from his body. Cracking his eyes open in defeat, cock raising into a semi as he pushed back the hair that stuck onto his forehead. Nodding his head ‘no’ back and forth at the stupidity of his cock getting hard by just the thought of you.

Placing his calloused hand on his fat shaft, closing his eyes once more as the water provided him with more than enough lubricant. Heart pounding in his chest as his thumb rubbed against the edge of his reddening cockhead. Toji’s scarred lips pressed tightly together as he tried holding back grunts from deep in his chest.

Furrowing his eyebrows- trying to put on a farce of this not feeling like anything for no one but his pride. Toji’s mind went blank as he stroked himself, wrist turning over his tip as his other hand planted onto the wall, trying to keep his balance. Clenching his jaw as his precum blended in with the running cold water.

Toji always tried to make it quick- but his cock never agreed. Often taking 20-30 minute showers trying to make himself finish, not because he couldn't- but he'd try to think of nothing as he came. Not wanting to condition himself into actually liking you.

Trying to keep his mind blank as he fought off the conquering thoughts of you. His eyebrows threatened to unfurrow as he felt himself succumb to those heartfelt thoughts. A small grunt left Toji’s parting lips, thankful it was disguised by the running water.

Tightening the grip on his cock as he put more power behind his heavy stroked. Ducking his head as his hair stuck onto his temple, holding his hand on the wall as his lungs started panting, his fist quickening its harsh movements, mind full of the sweetest poison you planted into his brain.

“Fuckk-” Toji drew out slowly, his hand squelching past his fat tip as his abs clenched, trying to catch his breath as his unforgiving hand refused to listen to his mind.

His calves burning from how hard he was flexing his muscles- all of his focus drawn to cumming as the water pulsed against the crown of his head. Lips parted and eyebrows pinched upwards, nose crinkled as he felt the premature orgasm rip through him. Heavy pants between grunts as his seed gushed from his tip, disappearing down the drain. Mouth hung open in an ‘O’ as his hand slowed its movements.

Being able to clear his clouded mind as his fist worked him down. Catching his breath as his still hard cock pulsed in his hand. Groaning in frustration at the need to cum again. Almost spiteful, he tightened his grip once more on his cock, thighs spasming as he overstimulated his cockhead. His eyes blinked to the back of his head as he pulled his focus from his shaft to his tip.

Toji’s expression contorted into a scowl, clearer grunts leaving his rasped throat as he pulled himself into another orgasm, pushing his hand off the wall and leaning onto the cold tile. His head pressed against the damp wall as his knees dared to fold, mouth hung open once more as the cold water trickled down his searing skin.

A drawn out string of curses as his balls tightened, all but pouting, he came to the intruding thoughts of you. Practically hyperventilating as a loud grunt left his sweltering chest.

Toji’s cum oozing out of his tip, sighing contently between throaty grunts. Working himself past the pinnacle the thought of you brought him to. Cursing you mentally for how you had him. Heart pounding so hard it was painful, trying to fill his lungs with air as his mouth hung open in a soundless moan. Taking his hand from his softening cock as he leaned into the wall, swallowing harshly as he steadied his breath. Turning to face the shower head, his shaky hand reached for the body wash once more, nodding his head ‘no’ to himself as the irked feeling seeped into his mind again. Lathering up his body as he washed off the sweat that mixed with the freezing water.

I had so much fun writing this. If only y'all saw how much p0rn I watched trying to study men jorking it. my internet searches were insane bruh. the ciggie I lit after I posted this was like a reward

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alexisomnias · 1 year

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WHEN YOUR GONE. . . | obey me

obey me nightbringer spoilers

characters | BROTHERS

they return home, a sunken feeling moving along with them as their home feels much more empty. Despite the attendant never living with them, it feels as if a room lost its shine that kept the home lifted. they go to the bedroom to mourn for the loss of a friend who they've known for no longer then a week (yet it feels like years).

LUCIFER "Hopefully you found me helpful from time to time? Don't push yourself too hard "big brother."

lucifer finds himself staring at your writing, it was clearly handled with care, perhaps even written with a shaky hand. he finds himself doing nothing other then staring, he can't even reread it as if his throat was choked up for good. lucifer, who thought your position as attendant was nothing other then stupid found his heart slow to if he didn't know better would be a stop. he did... he did find you helpful... his eyes close as he leans his head back and takes a deep breath, as if to stop tears.

why must you of done this too him? why couldn't you just leave with a goodbye that he would forget come hundreds year?

MAMMON "Thank you for always thinking of me. I always had fun when we were together."

mammon prided himself in his ability to hold his emotions, but after his eyes came across the last letter, reading each syllable as if it was his first time he lets out a sob. clutching the letter in his hand as if all of you would disappear if he ever let it go. you were cruel, he thinks, so cruel for leaving him alone like this. he sobs quietly leant over the desk as he sobs into his arms, why did he always get attached to things that would soon leave him? you don't realize, that even after your gone. your memories, even the happiest ones will leave him thinking of you as left pain.

his heart aches for you already, he wants to continue to be together, he wants you back.

LEVIATHAN "Make sure to take good care of Snake, okay? I know you'll make an amazing demon !!"

it took a lot for leviathan to even build up the courage to exit the comfort of his own room. without you there by his side, what will be there to help him navigate around? you've been barely gone for 3 days and yet it feels as if you've been missing from his side for centuries. curse him for getting attached, curse the universe for making you the friend that leaves for his own character development. he sniffles, rereading the text over and over. he let out an ugly cry, uncaring for if the world outside saw it.

how could he be the amazing demon you claim him to be, without you by his side to reassure?

SATAN "Someday we should both go bookstore hopping! You're fine just the way you are Satan."

he doesn't know why you left, but dear lord is he so angry. at the world, at his brothers for allowing you to leave, at himself for not being there to tell you he needs you. satan doesn't cry, satan doesn't even rage out in anger as he reads your letter. he stares, and he stares until a figurative hole could be burnt through the crisp paper left in your place. the only memory left of you for you weren't there for long. why couldn't he be there to see you leave? send you off? why was he the one stuck under the impression you would come back for him, until you didn't?

did you even realize that you were the reason he felt like he belonged in this world?

ASMODEUS "Looking forward to the next Asmo Night! I love you! more then words can say!

asmo loves you more then words exist, thats why he needs you by his side, thats why he needs you there to remind him of why he's deserving, of why he deserves to be happy like the others. asmo needs you more then words can say, he lets out a quiet cry, almost silent as tears drip down his porcelain face. clutching his own note close to his body. why did you have to leave so early? why did you have to leave him so abruptly after carving your place in his heart?

he trusts in the fact that you will return, maybe its denial, or trust, but he believes you'll be back for him.

BEELZEBUB "Be careful not to eat too much! Keep your brothers safe, okay?"

beelzebub did not cry, but he did mourn. how could he always lose those he grows to care for? all in such a short time? he swears he would starve if it meant you'd come back, he'd never complain about hunger again if you'd be back to tell him off, back to make him breakfast out of food he's unfamiliar with. he clutches the note strong enough that if he tried it would rip, but he'd never destroy a memory of you.

beel wants to keep his family safe, but as their attendant, that includes you, he wants you safe as well.

BELPHEGOR "Someday I'll buy you the ultimate alarm clock. I adore that happy look you have while asleep."

Belphegor was the last of the brothers to visit your room, as if he contemplated for days of whether it would be a good idea. belphie despised humans, and you being a human would of included that, wouldn't it? but yet, he can't find himself to hate you. you helped him, helped beel instead of hurt. all the other notes were gone, so the sole one laid upon your empty desk. he stared down on it, in a slow process, his stone face crumpled, melted into tears as it dripped onto he page. his hands clenched up as he cried. falling to his knees as he allowed himself to sob against the desk. your letter lying dead in front of him.

did he really need an alarm clock when his attendant was there to wish him a good morning?

#obey me nightbringer #obey me x reader #obey me shall we date #obey me #angst #obey me angst #obey me nightbringer spoilers #suns pencil.

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rayroseu · 2 months

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I drew this for @chernabogs story Elegy !!! The way they wrote this scene was just so tender and soft, I HAD TO DRAW IT ‼️‼️😭😭🙏🏻💖💖✨✨ it was such a perfect treat considering how the previous chapters was "coarse" with how the story handled Malleus poor coping skills with loss, I love reading and rereading the chapters lol

I wishhh i was eloquent enough to verbalize how much I loved reading it 😩😩😩 The repeated questions of am i ill or that ever repeating quote that love is for the lonely then it gradually changed to its meant to be or or the way in every chapter there is always an element of Malleus wanting to get to know Yuu WAGHHHDJDBIEB JUST THE YEARNING OF IT ALL!!!!

ALSO ALSO ONE THING I NOTICED.... all the chapter names relates to a lament for the dead, and i just think thats such a devastatingly beautiful detail to add considering that even until the ending Malleus will still lose Yuu from death and he'll be alone just like how he always fears JUTSGUEGKFGDKBCHFKN i know it ended on a happy note but the chapter titles makes me think of that quote where "there WAS love but it didnt change anything" or smth😭😭😭

also love how "Malleus in a crisis" was written as well,,, malleus was so on character omfggg I swear Ames' characterization of this guy makes me feel like Yana Toboso is ghostwriting with them/lh ☠️☠️ LIKE HELLOOO the way the story sways erratically between Malleus accepting Yuu made an impact of his life and Malleus wanting to go back to being alone where he didnt know anything at all and wasn't quite in distress about having relationships, thats soooooo GOOD 😭😭💐💖💖💖 granted i cried from it though aihskwbks

Dont even get me started on the buildup????!!! and conflict that was all resolved in the final chapter was AUGHHH THATS BEAUTIFUL IM SO GLAD I CAN READ 😭😭✨✨✨ And and the realization that Malleus fears is not death but them?? Beautiful!!!!! 😭🙏🏻✨✨💖💖 Cuz really its true throughout the whole story he was more stressed that he's so attached now XD AND AND I LOVE HOW ALL THE MESSAGES(?) FROM PREVIOUS CHAPTERS MAKES A CALLBACK TO THE FINAL CLIMAX LIKEEE "He can be bold. He can be brave. He can say this.“I was not ill that night, nor are you at fault for that. I was… I am afraid." PEAK LITERATURE!!!!!!! I LOVE FORESHADOWS AND REPEATING THEMES, MAKES ME GO YELL ABOUT IT ALL 😭😭😭💖💖💖💚💚 I love the kobold on the last part as well lol he is a promoted therapist now 😭✨✨✨

also going back to the way the chapter titles are meant to be lamenting for the dead, "A new memory for each day he outlives you. He can capture those memories, store them in a glass ball so that he may watch them whenever he pleases. You will never truly be gone if you can both make it work." HELPPP THE RESOLUTION,..... AUUGHH IT MAKES ME CRY AIHWLDHOSHSK 😭😭😭💖💚💚

anyways my favorite part always ehehe grim fishing with lilia✨✨✨🥺🥺 and malleus having the naive expectation that first kiss is magical and wanting to test it out again skgixgsk😂

I love the part where Meleanor would raise an objection the moment its a human hes been contemplating about, this story just made me think.... LMAO MALLEUS IF MELEANOR SAW YOU LIKE THIS,,,, XD i feel like she'll tell you that if you fear living alone, just go out first and damned the other person about it instead JSKHDKDHHK i think it was really tragic how Lilia seemed to be set on dying for Meleanor only for the tables to turn ☠️

yes i did reference that acheswan dance from honkai star rail on lilinor part lol

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escapingrealtiylovinginsanity · 3 months

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Sonny Carisi: Last Call Ride

The bar was a hole in the wall and on the seeder side of town. The air smelled of smoke, both cigarettes and weed when Sonny entered. He stopped short at the doorway. The bar was dead on a Tuesday night, but the crowd was rougher, and he stood out in his suit and tie, while most were wearing leather and jeans. This could not be the right bar, he looked down at his cell reread the name, and rechecked the address.

“You Carisi?” A voice boomed; Sonny looked up to see a new man at the previously empty bar setting down a box on the floor. The man was just shorter than him but built like a grizzly bear with a head of thick dark hair and tattoos running up both of his thick arms and neck. Sonny did an assessing glance around the room before walking up to the bar silently wondering how many drug deals took place here.

“Yeah, you the one who called me?” The man looked him up and down shaking his head slightly before grunting an affirmative. “Where is-”

“I need to see your ID.” The man cut him off gruffly. Sonny scoffed at that.

“I’m not here to drink-”

“Clearly,” The man cut him off, “But I’m still gonna need to see some ID, to confirm who you are, before I let you take Chickadee anywhere.” Sonny's brows pulled together at the nickname for you that he had never heard. Part of him wanted to refuse anyway but even with its rough follow-through, the sentiment was protective. He fished out his wallet and handed the man his driver's license. He studied it, his eyes flickering back a couple times. “You’re not what I expected when she said she had a new boyfriend.” Sonny had a smart-ass comment on his lips when he heard the slamming of a door. The bathroom door, you were staggering out of it looking very drunk. “I was just gonna call her a cab, but she is too far gone for that.” The man offered him back his license. “Yo Chickadee, your boyfriend’s here.”

You looked over from where you had been making your way to the closest stool at the bar. When you see Sonny your eyes light up as you slur his name. He makes his way over to you not liking your stumbling steps. You throw your arms around him hugging him tightly, “Hey sweetheart, where are your shoes?” You pull away from him and make a face before looking down and laughing loudly at your bare feet, wiggling your toes. Sonny looked you over and realized you had lost more than just your shoes. You were down to skintight jeans and a flimsy white tank top.

The man behind the bar whistled as he set a pair of heeled shoes on the bar top. “Better put these back on before ya leave.” You gave the man a huge grin before heading over to the bar. You sat down on the stool and started to struggle with putting them on. The man started pulling other things out from behind the bar and setting them on the counter. Your cell phone, wallet, cardigan, and your jacket. Sonny pocketed your phone and wallet before turning to see you attempt to secure your shoe on the wrong foot. “Here give me your foot doll. No, the other one.” Sonny got both shoes on your feet and shrugged into your coat but you had flat-out refused to put the cardigan back on. You were too warm, and it was itchy, so he had thrown it over his arm instead.

“Here take this, try to sober up okay kiddo.” The bartender handed you a Styrofoam cup with ice water in it with a straw and lid. You get up to your knees on the barstool to lean over the bar and give him a hug which he returns, almost dumping the drink all over him in the process. “Tanks, Alec.” Sonny's hand finds you back when you start wobbling and then eases your feet onto the floor.

The ride home is a harder feat than he anticipates. Sonny has never seen you drunk before and quickly comes to realize you are a handful and a half. Within a minute of him getting you in the passenger seat, you had already removed your coat and shoes. When he starts driving you put your hand on his knee. At first, it is innocent, but it doesn’t take long for you to get bold and slide up his thigh. His hand catches your right before it can hit its mark, “Easy now,” You pout at him and he tries to redirect you, “Why don’t you drink some of that water that the bartender gave you.”

“Alec,” You reply helpfully, and you sit back in your seat momentarily distracted, and drink your water. You miss Sonny’s huff of irritation and ‘yeah, him’. The next few minutes are quiet. When you finish your water Sonny knows it instantly because you're leaning across the center console and kissing his neck, loosening his tie. Then you take your bra off from under your shirt and throw it onto his shoulder. When he turns to look at you, your hard nipples are visible through your thin top, it falls onto his lap.

“Doll, I’m trying to drive. Hey, easy, easy.” Your hand was sliding down his stomach and reaching for his belt. His hand grabbed yours again. You whined his name as a complaint, and he redirected again bringing the offending hand up to his mouth to kiss. “We are almost back to the apartment sweetheart.”

“Then you're gonna have your wicked wayy with me?” You slur licking up his neck. You had managed to unbutton his shirt three buttons and reveal a generous amount of skin for your mouth. Even drunk you knew what you wanted and were hell-bent on getting it.

“Yeah, I’m going to take you to bed.” You giggle happily your other hand that isn’t held by his moving to hair playing with the short ones along the nape of his neck. He didn’t bother correcting your thoughts. Even though he was half hard in his pants from you teasing he knew there wasn’t a chance in hell that he was having sex with you when you couldn’t truly consent. He knew that drunk people had sex all the time and that it didn’t necessarily mean that it wasn’t consensual. But he had done too many years with SVU and the two of you were still fairly new in your relationship. He wasn’t willing to take the risk of you waking up with regrets even if you had just gotten a handful of his cock and were now groping at him through his pants. This was going to be a long night.

He parked his car went around to your side, and smiled in slight amusement as he told you, “Give me your foot. No, the other one.” He didn’t even bother with the jacket that you didn’t want to wear and led you into his apartment building and into the elevator. He had thought you would get handsy again but instead was met with you telling him you had to go to the bathroom badly. It was a rush to unlock his apartment door and you stumbled to the bathroom quicker than he thought you were capable of in your current state.

Sonny left you to it, as he warmed up some leftover pasta, found a bottle of ibuprofen, and filled up a large glass with more ice water. When you came wandering down the hall, he found that you had removed your shoes again and lost your pants leaving you in your tank top and cotton underwear. You grabbed his shoulders and pushed up on your tiptoes for an open-mouthed kiss. Sonny could taste the strong alcohol on your tongue and nothing else. He returned your kiss for a minute before breaking it to lead you to the couch where he had the pasta and water. You pout up at him as he sets you on the couch. “You need to eat something,” He pushes the bowl into your hands. Getting you to take the first bite is a challenge but after it hits your mouth you are shoveling it in suddenly starving. When you finish the bowl, Sonny places the water in one hand and four ibuprofen tablets in the other. “You’ll thank me in the morning.”

You woke up with a groan. There was a pulsing pain behind your eyes and your mouth tasted of stale alcohol. You could feel the telltale signs of a hangover overtaking your senses. You glance around the room and note that it isn’t your apartment that you're at but Sonny’s. You slowly push yourself up to a sitting position and note that you are naked aside from Sonny’s dress shirt, with only two buttons holding it closed. One by your belly button and the other at your breasts. The shirt was higher on one side from the buttons not being matched up in the proper holes.

You groaned wondering how badly you had embarrassed yourself the night before. You didn’t remember calling him for a ride but apparently, you had at some point. You had only started drinking because you had been having a bad day, not at work but with your family. You hadn’t meant to get that wasted. You crawl out of bed only because you have to go to the bathroom badly. You're a little shaky on your feet while you're washing your hands when Sonny leans in through the open doorway, “How are you feeling?” You lean back against the sink.

“Hungover,” You pull awkwardly at the shirt to fix the hemline then remembering you can’t without rebuttoning it. “I’m sorry about last night.”

“You don’t have to apologize. I don’t mind picking you up ever.” You chance a look at him, and he looks tired like he had had a long night himself.

“I’m just glad that I had the sense to call you.” His eyebrows furrow, and he smooths your tangled bedhead.

“You didn’t call me. You don’t remember last night at all do you?”

You sigh and shake your head embarrassed. "Barely, bits and pieces."

“Your bartender friend, the one that looks like Hercules with a neck tattoo, he called me to come get you.” You pause staring at him for a minute before it clicks.

“Oh, you mean Alec.”

“Yeah him.” Your head is still pulsing, but you can see the way his face changes and his voice gets an edge to it. “Why were you even at a bar like that? In that neighborhood?” You feel confused and slightly defensive as you answer.

“I was visiting family. Not all of us come from Staten Island.”

He instantly softens, “I’m sorry, I- I didn’t mean it like that. You drunk in a neighborhood like that- It just makes me nervous. My job has made me paranoid. All the things that could have happened.” You’re still not used to Sonny’s willingness to apologize. You’re used to fighting until the bitter end with your Exes and it leaves you slightly out of sorts. It makes being softer and talking things out easier, but it still leaves you uncomfortable with the unfairness.

“It’s okay, but I do know how to take care of myself, Sonny. I wouldn’t have drank that much if I didn’t feel safe. Alec wouldn’t have-” Sonny scoffed at his name, and you cut off abruptly and then you smirked at your boyfriend. “Oh, I get it.”

“Get what?”

“You’re jealous.”

“No,” He denies before continuing, “Well, yeah, maybe. I mean the guy looks like a damn gladiator. You are all smiles and hugging up on him while he’s smirking calling you ‘Chickadee’. Yeah, why would that make me jealous.” You laugh even as it makes your head throb.

“I’ve known Alec since elementary school when he was a scrawny preteen. And that cute little nickname was a tease at the fact that I didn’t shut up when I was a kid and it stuck. I was Chika dee dee deeing all the time.” You push off the sink and wrap your arms around his hips, “He called you because he knew that I trusted you to take care of me. Besides, I went home and slept with you.”

“We didn’t sleep together doll.” Sonny admonished as he caressed your back.

“We didn’t?” You sound surprised as you search his eyes, “Really? I vaguely remember getting up close and personal with you on the way home. And I know I get handsy when I’m drunk. Did I fall asleep before I could fallow through?”

“No, you were awake, and it wasn’t for lack of trying. I had a hell of a time keeping clothes on you and me.” Sonny gestured to your sleep shirt. You leaned down and smelled the shirt. You could smell Sonny’s aftershave and cologne still lingering on it. He had probably been wearing it the night before.

“I’m confused,”

“You were drunk, way past the ability to give consent.” Sonny's face is serious and he is using his ADA voice, but you can’t help the laughter that bubbles out of you.

“Baby, my hands were down your pants, and I was taking my clothes off. How much more enthusiastic consent did you want?” You tease, leaning farther into him.

“This thing with us is still new. I didn’t want you to wake up and regret anything.” You smile at him then reach up to cup his jaw turning it and pulling down his t-shirt collar to reveal more of his neck. There was a trail of dark hickeys and love bites starting at his pulse point and making their way down his neck. You trail your fingers over the bruises. You had done a number on his neck. “You didn’t make it easy on me.”

“Yeah, I can have that effect.” You pause, “Well for future reference if I come onto you while I’m drunk like that again as long as I’m willing and awake you have my consent to sex me up. I love a good round of drunk sex.”

“Noted,” Even as Sonny said it you knew he felt a little uncomfortable with the idea, “How about a shower? I can wash your back.” His fingers slid down your back pulling you closer to him.

“You saying I stink?” You ask even as your fingers undoes the first button.

I swear every Sonny story I write comes completely out of nowhere and won’t leave me until I finish it. I hope you guys enjoyed this xoxo

#law and order svu #law and order special victims unit #svu #sonny carisi imagine #sonny carisi x reader #sonny carisi #sonny carisi x you #carisi #dominick carisi

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p4n1cl0v3r · 25 days

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hello.. im back from reading them.. uh and HUGE spoiler warning, like spoilers for everything cuz i cant keep my mouth shut.. this is also really long so im so sorry if you actually read this 😭😭 i just wanted to yap

OHMYGOD!?

ok. so. chase is burnt out, thats rlly sad 😭 hope he isnt too burnt out that its effecting him way more than he can handle,

his beach boys outfit is adorable. deacon not being on the island and chase being stuck with buddy i knew was gonna be terrible from the start. when i saw chase hand buddy a water bottle to light the fire i thought it was sweet that they were getting along, same with buddy telling chase he can have the second fish.

at first, i thought buddy was hearing the whispers so i didnt really think much of it.

the “buddy being a vampire and chase freaking out” was really funny, i found that hilarious and just chase thinking buddy was cute (even if he said it was in “a jerk way”, it was still nice and i wonder how that will go down (after the most recent chapter)

buddys face when chase pulled the chocolate out looked like a dog seeing a ball, it was adorable ngl

my heart sank when chase made a comment about buddy not being treated well and then buddy shivered.. like hm i seriously wonder how he actually is being treated, yk? like all we see of him is him being a jerk and just genuinely not giving a shit about anyone or anything (until the most recent chapter in which ill get into that in a second..)

deacon was not having a fun time with the seagulls 😭😭😭 rip deacon 😔

the way chase bribed buddy with the last bar of chocolate was so funny

chase hit buddy in the face with a ball 😃👍🏼

buddy then threw chase in the ocean and called him tiny (damn bro making fun of his height, its okay chase is just fun sized ☠️)

buddy with curly wet hair felt weird but it looked nice on him

i found it sweet that chase wanted to help buddy, even if all buddy has been towards him was rude. shows what type of person chase is and it makes me love his character so much, everyone needs their own chase lol

i know buddys main goal is to get the keys, and so it would be very unlikely that he would throw that away to become friends with chase, but man. when chase called him out on it and the shattered heart image in the background… awh man.

the small fight they had was sad, but once buddy left chase was sitting on the ground crying, i may be wrong but i dont think we have seen him crying until now, right? brb lemme go check

ok i like reread the entire thing and few times we saw him cry was when we saw him visit myra for the first time in the story (that we see ofc) and it was just for a split second, and also in the same episode visiting his fathers grave, he seemed to cry a smige more but thats all.

+ while doing the research for that, i realized that in the very first episode chase got a black eye and when he went out of the book, he didnt have it anymore. so (again ill get into this when i get into the most recent chapter and what happened then) but at the same time, the second episode was more of a “hey! this is how this mess started!” sorta thing, so we dont know the timing of it.

in the morning when chase wakes up and sees buddy, from the way buddy is speaking im pretty sure he was upset about the conversation the night before too, as he’s never been that violent with anything towards chase before. im not saying buddy is a violent person, but at the same time, its concerning a bit how he took “the two characters have an argument “ and his anger took over him and make it a hostile argument instead of verbal.

“and if they do make you miserable, you deserve it” hm i get that chase is upset, i mean buddy is quite literally being a psychopath at this point in the story, but man.. when i read that i was just in amazement that that came to mind, i dont blame the guy ofc but still. didnt go over well, buddy seemed to be pretty affected by it, which brings up again, i do genuinely wonder how the ex libris is treating him to make him so easily shaken / angry when its brought up.

buddy hurt chase. now to be fair, chase sorta (i think) kicked him and made buddy land face first in the sand etc. but he didnt draw blood. buddy drew blood, now what i noticed when this happened is buddys first instinct was to drop the spear and instantly basically panic. its clear he didnt genuinely mean to hurt chase, but he still did.

now as said above, we dont know if these injuries can travel from book to real life, as we dont have solid proof that they do. but its obvious, even if its fake, that the characters still feel it, so that must have hurt a lot (ofc it did lynx you dumbass bro is literally bleeding on his face 😒) but if they do travel to the real world, how is chase going to hide it? its a slash under his eye on his cheek, decent size too. doesnt seem that easy to cover. i mean, he does have like 47 skin care products so maybe he can cover it with that somehow but im not sure

back onto the point above, buddy’s first instinct was to (first pause and stare) and then drop the spear, making it clear he didnt mean nor, even want to hurt chase maybe. buddy is usually good with his words and with what he says, it all comes out perfectly as if he is reading a script when he speaks. he was choking on his words, “trying” to explain why that happened.

“n-no, i-“ “i didnt mean that, i just-“ “i wasnt…”

he was obviously not prepared, nor did he want to. again, he was after the keys, he wasn’t after hurting anyone.

(which this is all quite obvious, however i love to yap and i have no friends in person that also like cinderella boy so shush let me nerd out for a sec)

it kinda felt uncomfortable seeing buddy so.. what’s the word? unsettled? upset? surprised? one of those, maybe all three. this entire episode for the most part felt off putting, buddy not being his “ha i dont care, just go away” persona and instead getting pissy (more that usual) and even upset at the end. it just didnt feel right and its so obvious that after this the next story that chase goes into (if he continues) will be so different compared to these when it comes to interactions with buddy.

“youre just a scum, you know that?” YIKES BRO 😭💀💀 chase is uh yeah i just wanted to mention that line

seeing chase with tears in his eyes, obviously looking genuinely scared and saying “all i wanted to do was help” HURT MY SOUL. again, mentioned above, we rarely see him cry, and the only times we did was when visiting his sick mom and his fathers grave. thats it. the fact that hes cried now twice because of something buddy has done is huge, dont ya think?

chase ran away crying, which ykw i dont blame him, buddy’s body language was also a huge giveaway that he genuinely felt bad because again, hes usually so confident in the way he poses, and from the moment he hurt chase to the end of the episode, he was holding himself, just standing there.

also the fact that the last panel is one of the chocolate bar wrappers blowing towards buddy’s feet was also interesting. like putting salt water into a cut yk? (haha get it cuz theyre on a beach island and chase has a cut.. haha.. okay sorry)

SUMMARY/THEORIES

okay so these were a LOT to take in, and chase being already burnt out might be a reason he cried so easily, but you never know. i think buddy gaining chase’s trust without trying and KNOWING (or probably knowing) he had chases trust and just not caring and broke it without a thought kinda sucks, but as said TWICE. we dont know his situation. for example, what if he will get hurt or someone around him will if he doesnt get these keys? we dont know why he does what he does so we cant really excuse nor can we blame him.

i saw them getting along and from that second i knew it was going to end terribly.

my theory is, that when deacon comes back he will see chase hurt and upset, and buddy either will be no where in sight (very likely) or he will be very quiet and not making a single noise in the background. deacon will see chase, probably be really confused and then realize who chase was around. now, im not that great at reading characters.. unless like i study them HARD so all this next stuff just might be bs, but ima say it anyways because its tumblr.

now, i think once they get out of the book, deacon will beg chase to tell him what happened, if he didnt already in the book, even if deacon already knows without saying. deacon, being deacon, will probably panic, and either 1) try to convince chase its a bad idea to continue. 2) try to convince chase to take a break and make deacon do them for a small period of time (very unlikely). or 3) deacon will be hesitant to continue, but if they do then he will be a lot more protective of chase, and possibly look more into books completely without any sort of villain.

its obvious there could ALSO be other scenarios, but these are the ones i came up with. another is that chase could stop completely, and just give up. but thats HIGHLY unlikely as its literally part of the story and silver and bronze will probably try to support him.

now, with the chase and buddy dynamic… oh wowie. this is a slow burn enemies to lovers story, which means this wont be miserable for a long time, however it still asks the question “well how are they going to react towards one another” and my GOOD friends, who the fuck knows. (punko thats who)

however! its impossible for them to go along and pretend it never happened, because its clear they were both hurt by it. even if it wasnt completely just physically. maybe buddy will stop appearing in the books for a second? what if he’s replaced by another member? ikik unlikely. okok, well what if in the stories buddy just stays quiet and entirely follows along with his character? i feel like that wouldnt last long and i dont think buddys that much of a jerk to try and dodge it. chase? i feel like chase would try to dodge it, i mean after this he has to fear buddy a little right? they could also be a lot meaner to one another, but i also see that as very unlikely. i can see chase being more cold, but for some reason i cant imagine buddy being as rude as he was in the beginning, or even rude to being with.

all in all, i really dont know what theory to go with, MAN I WANNA NERD OUT MORE ABT THIS. 😭😭😭 (yk w someone who will actually listen cuz my friends irl dont give a shit)

holy shnizer that was a lot of words... okay well if you read all of that then we might as well be friends cuz man i talk a lot about subjects i like.. BUT YEA. WILD RIDE. WOWIE.

me when it comes to cinderella boy:

#webtoon #cinderella boy #webcomic #chase hollow #buddy cinderella boy #buddy x chase #cinderella boy webtoon #spoiler warning #holy shit #i cant think straight

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liyawritesss · 1 year

Note

riri x reader going to a game or playing video games together late at night

ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ʀᴇʟᴀx ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴍɪɴᴅ

Characters: MCU!Riri Williams x Black!Fem!Reader

Type: Drabble

Synopsis: Finals are here and you've been studying non-stop for the past few weeks. Riri gets you to unwind in the only way you can’t refuse.

Warnings: cursing, riri gets a bit upset cuz you're not taking care of yourself, one mention of the word 'depression'

A/N: a mix of a drabble + textfic style that I thought would fit for this request. It's also been a minute since I actually wrote for riri but I have engaged in a lot of the his floating around for her. Particularly the stud!riri ones....if you squint you'll def see the inspiration lmaoo.

Tags: @6-noir @playhousedistee @shuririsdefenseattorney @shuriszn @zayswriting @wrendermedone @writingintheshadowsforever @mbakuetshurisprincess @verachii @slytherin-34 @the_lesbian-fangirl @itsmaniiiiiiiii @strangefishflapturtle @cuddl3s4shur1 @shuriislut @dejaonline @babyboiboyega @badass-dora-milaje @inmyheadimobsessed @aaliyg @cafehyunji @chunkybabygorl @rosielovesfamily @lulu-network

Ten forty-seven.

That was the time on your phone, printed in white against the background of your lock screen. You had been studying for four hours, since the second you got back to your dorm after your last class ended for the day. There had barely been a moment’s rest for you, and after the realization hit that you had been sitting in your seat for four fucking hours rereading the same study guide and notes over and over, you became increasingly aware of the sting your eyes and the soreness of your butt in your desk chair.

Finals were around the corner, and quite frankly, you couldn’t afford to not study. This semester had been exceptionally hard course wise, with the materials for many of your classes being dense and intense. The professors as well were not the kindest, and would make it all too easy for a student to slip up and fail, and you refused to be one of those students.

Your phone buzzes against the wood of your desk, and against your better judgment, you choose to pick it up and see the notifications you have. As you suspect, ignoring your phone and all other electronics for four hours straight garnered you a lot of notifications from the various apps you used on a day to day basis for entertainment and communication. And the first to sit at the top of your notifications column was from none other than your precious girlfriend herself.

riri baby ❣️

babe

baaaaaabbbeeee

let me know you’re alive goddamn

Imyyyyy

like a lot

you know you wouldn’t be stressing like this is you just let me help you study

you know im a good teacher :D

pls answer your goddamn phone

you act like i wont spam your shit you know i’m crazy like that

…..now if i send you sumn imma be in the wrong

you

jesus christ ri

riri baby ❣️

wooooooowwww so you respond to the threat of me sending you nudes but not me being lovey dovey n shit

i see how it is

you

you know what they say

a tit pic a day keeps the depression at bay

riri baby ❣️

I wish my phone wasn’t fucked up so i could send that raven simone gif of her saying ‘ya nasty’

cuz that’s what you are

n a s t y

you

you offered??????

riri baby ❣️

pls tell me you’re not still studying

you been doin that shit since last week

did you even eat anything when you got back to our room

you

I can neither confirm nor deny either of those questions

riri baby ❣️

omfg

ikyfl

Really (Y/N)?

you

that's not my name :(

you make it sound like i’m in trouble or sumn

riri baby ❣️

cuz you are????

bae its finna be eleven at night and you aint eat or take a break since you got back

you

ik ik ik

i tried to take one i really did

but i was just starting to understand some stuff and I didn't want my stupid brain to forget it just as i was already beginning to relearn it

and I still have so much to go….

riri baby ❣️

put you sumn on

im finna come pick you up and we finna go get sumn to eat

then i’mma spend the night with you and make sure you chill tf out on that studying shit bc you gon fuck around and make yourself sick from all that stress

aight?

you

okay…..

can we get

idk

tacos?

riri baby ❣️

yes we can get tacos pretty girl

And baby?

you

Yes?

riri baby ❣️

i love you

you’re doing great

you

thank you….n I love you too

can we also play the game when we come back?

riri baby ❣️

yes baby we can play the game

im suppose to be teaching you how to play 2K anyway

i’m downstairs mama

hurry up campus security be out here actin shady n shit

You were thankful that Riri had texted you in the end. You probably would be past out in your desk chair right now if you chose to ignore your phone again, but knowing Riri, she wouldn't have let that happen anyway. The trip to your favorite taco spot wasn’t long, and the cashier there who had memorized your orders made the process swift and painless.

Returning to your dorm room, Riri wasted no time in shoving your study materials into the drawer of your desk to be forgotten about until tomorrow. You just sat on your bed, as you watched her move about your room with precision, cleaning up your discarded shoes, jacket and backpack, and turning on your gaming console, slipping the 2K23 disc into the game disc slot and loading up the application.

“C’mere,” Riri mutters as she takes you by your hand and pulls you onto her lap after you’ve finished eating. The warmth from her hoodie warms your body that's littered in goosebumps, and she all but ages you against her by wrapping her arm around her waist to connect with the other handle of the controller. You find yourself paying much more attention to her tutorial of the game than any of the course material from any of your classes, her soft voice coaxing relaxation into your mind. And of course, as the ever so appreciative girlfriend you are to her, you make sure to feed her as well while she’s teaching you.

You’d save study for tomorrow. For right now, you were content with your girlfriend holding you close while she played her game, and you watched attentively, delivering her a victory kiss for every match she wins.

If you enjoyed, please leave a like, comment, and reblog for others to see! And don’t be shy to send in a request!

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iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia · 1 year

Note

i think i found my fav arcana blog, i rlly love ur hcs and writings!!! (and i don't even usually read that much,,)

i wanna know how the m6 would react to mc, who does journaling but never had anyone read their journal, offering the m6 if they want to read their private journal

The Arcana HCs: M6 reading MC's journal

~ I kept a journal for several years until my siblings were old enough to decipher my handwriting and use it as blackmail lol. Thanks for the prompt anon, enjoy! - brainrot ~

Julian

Noticed you writing in it every day and has been dying of curiosity to know what you're writing about but respects your privacy too much to even bring it up

There have been one or two times when you left it on a table (not open) and he spent a good five minutes fixated on it from across the room, mind going crazy

You finally walk in on him one afternoon, draped across one side of the couch and twisting his gloves while staring holes into the notebook on the opposite armrest

So you sit down next to him and let him read it with you

Double checking multiple times that it's okay for him to be reading this - "are you sure that you're sure?"

Reading about himself from your perspective and how he makes your life better makes him so happy

He also notices how you've kept his love notes and flowers pressed between the pages and the sheer romance of it will make his brain melt

Blushing, stuttering mess

Now whenever he writes you something or picks a flower for you he's thinking about the best way to make it relevant years later, since he knows you'll save them

Asra

Journaling started for you as a daily exercise when you were relearning to write

It was Asra's way of giving you a piece of your life that you had total control of, and of encouraging you to chronicle your days to cope with your memory loss

Over time it also became a place to write down all the things you wanted to say to them while they were gone

So late one night, when you're stargazing together and you find you're on the second to last page of the notebook he gave you so long ago, you reread it with him

It's one of the most precious moments you'll ever share with them. No magic or adventure involved, just the sweetness of revisiting your history together

It also gives you the chance to let him read all the things you felt you couldn't tell him, which brings so much resolution

By the time you're finished reading and talking and snuggling the birds are starting to chirp and the sky is getting lighter

For them, reading about all the ways you noticed and thought about and loved them when there was so much distance between you two makes their heart so full it aches

Nadia

At first she assumed it was something like a planner, where you would write down leads and information and connections

But then she saw the different notebooks you kept for studying, and the system you had to keep track of your scheduled events

She was a little embarrassed at how long it took for her to realize that it was a journal

Once she knew, she was intrigued. She wasn't going to pressure you to show her at all, but she's certainly curious

One day you're flipping back through your entries and you begin to giggle. It's the last thing before she caves and asks

"MC, my darling, what's making you laugh?"

You're immediately scooting over to make space for her next to you and pointing to the right spot on the page

It's a small anecdote you had recorded of Natiqa pranking Nahara and Nazali when Nadia wasn't around

Once you two start reading together she doesn't stop. With your permission, you spend the next two hours reminiscing

You write about her like she's the most important, wise, and confident person in the world, and it fills her with humble gratitude

Muriel

Noticed on the trip south. Wasn't curious. Didn't ask.

Now its been months, you two live like an old married couple in the woods, and he has no idea how to bring it up this late in the getting-to-know-you game

Practices the possible words to ask you in the early mornings while he's feeding the chickens and you're still asleep

The chickens don't have much feedback

You, on the other hand, have mistaken his stoicism for disinterest, so you haven't taken any initiative to let him know that you're open to talking about it

Inanna gets fed up one day and grabs your journal in her mouth, leading you on a chase through the woods, right to where Muriel is fishing

Casually drops it as soon as he tells her to, right into his lap, and heads away for a nap

You sit down next to him and check for torn pages. As soon as you feel his interested gaze, you're offering to read it to him while he waits for the fish to bite

He's not ready for how often he features in your stories, but hearing the way you describe him as safe and gentle and precious makes him feel so fuzzy inside

Portia

The first time she sees you writing she's already asking what it's for

As soon as you tell her it's a journal, she's asking you to let her read it. If it's written by someone as mysterious and exciting as you, it has to be good!

At this point you've known her for all of two days, so you say no

Disappointed but understanding. She doesn't pester you about it, but she makes sure to let you know that she's very interested if you ever feel like sharing

You take your time, but one evening after dinner while you're snuggled up by the fire you'll pull it out and start reading to her

The best audience you've ever had. She is honed in, hanging onto every word while she covers a very happy Pepi in scritches

As someone who fell in love with novels because they whisked her away into adventures she didn't feel important enough for otherwise, hearing you recount your shared story like this tugs on all of her heartstrings

She'll laugh and cry and gasp at all the right moments. From now on, she treats your journal like a sacred thing. After all, it's the most important story in the world

Lucio

He was already sneaking peeks over your shoulder when he was stuck to you as a not-ghost. Man has 0 concept of privacy

You knew he was looking because he was commenting on your handwriting and gossiping about any tidbits he thought were juicy

Considering how you barely knew him at that point, you didn't write in front of him again for a very, very long time

It actually created a lovely habit - at some point during the day, you'll take half an hour to yourself and journal

It's been months now and you've forgotten why you had the habit in the first place, so when it's raining one evening you just stay in the inn and write next to the fire

The difference in Lucio's approach speaks volumes. He asks what you're doing, and when you tell him, he asks if he can hear some of it

He makes no move to get up from where he's polishing his sword (it got wet)

He listens while you read, interjecting with a comment or two, perfectly content

He's a bit sheepish about what you had to write about him in the beginning, but hearing how much he's changed fills him with healthy pride. Oh, he adores you

#ask arcana brainrot #the arcana #the arcana headcanons #the arcana hc #asra the arcana #julian the arcana #nadia the arcana #muriel the arcana #portia the arcana #lucio the arcana #the arcana game #the arcana fluff #asra alnazar #julian devorak #nadia satrinava #muriel of the kokhuri #portia devorak #lucio morgasson

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cloudlessly-light · 4 months

Note

I have a prompt for you where Emily gets kidnapped and when Aaron finds out he goes insane on trying to find her and when they find here he does not let her out of his sight

Title: Over all the noise Summary: He couldn’t lose her. That’s the one thing that kept running through his mind. He couldn’t lose her, because if he did, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to go on. Word count: 3,1k Rating: Teen Warnings: Canon typical Violence, mentions of blood and broken bones, injury, hospitals, case fic (kind of), hurt/comfort, Aaron Hotchner needs a hug

Drip.

It’s the sound of drops of water landing in the puddle on cold concrete floor that makes her stir. When she opens her eyes it’s too dark to make out much of anything. She looks around in the dark room, the only light is a tiny sliver of light from where a window wasn’t boarded up all the way. But it must be nighttime, she thinks. Then she realizes that she can’t move, handcuffs around her wrists that are tied behind her back, the sound of a heavy metal chain scraping against the ground when she tries to move her feet.

Then it’s the pain, her head pounding, making her hiss slightly. She must have a concussion she thinks, nausea instant as she tries to sit up. Her head is pounding, everything hurts. When she sits up to lean against the concrete wall her entire body protests but she forced herself to sit up. She couldn’t remember anything, the last thing that she remembered clearly was Aaron, kissing her softly before urging her out of the police station with the rest of the team. But they weren’t here, nobody was. She was alone.

Drip.

What happened?

He’s frustrated, the team had been in Colorado for two days and were no closer to catching the man who beat his victims to death. The ME’s report doesn’t give them much but he rereads it anyways, hoping that somehow they’d missed a small detail. It was late, the team had been sent home, he was the only one still there but close to giving up for the night, wanting to get to the hotel and Emily.

It’s the sudden sound of JJ’s voice, loud and scared that makes him stand.

“Hotch!” He can only recall hearing JJ’s voice laced with that kind of panic at one other time. When Will was walking into a hostage situation. It was years ago, but he still remembered. He sees her, fear and anger radiating off her and then the familiar steps of the rest of the team following behind her makes his eyebrow knit together.

“Emily’s gone. He took her.”

And with those words, his world turned on its axis.

He had only felt like this one other time, the situations so different and yet similar. It was the same terror as when he had driven towards his house where he knew he would find Haley. At the time he knew he’d find her dead, but now, he had no idea if Emily was alive or not. He’s barking orders, but he can barely hear his own voice over the insistent pounding of his heartbeat, frantic and loud.

“Aaron.”

He hears his name but he doesn’t move.

“Aaron.” Dave grabs his shoulder and the feeling of his fingers digging into him makes him look at the other man. “We’re going to find her.”

He nodded, slowly and deliberately. He couldn’t panic, Emily needed him.

“Look who’s awake.”

Emily resists grunting at the sudden sound. She had managed to sit with her back against the wall, willing her head to stop pounding, tried in vain to get the dizziness to stop. She cracks an eye open and forces a smirk at the man she doesn’t know the name off yet, but she does know that if she was going to get out of this alive, she couldn’t show him any fear.

“You really messed up here.” She turns her head slowly to fully look at him. Tall, blonde, greasy hair, small beady eyes, a tattoo on his forearm, she tried to remember the details.

“And how is that?” He walked closer to her and she saw that he had a scar on his eyebrow. His breath smelled like tobacco. She swallowed down the bile that rose in her throat.

“They’ll find you.” Her voice is surprisingly steady, false confidence in every word even as she turns her head away.

“Oh you mean your team?” He grins when her head snaps back to look at him. “Oh yes, I know all about your team, Emily Prentiss.” His fingers grip her hair so tight that she yells out as he yanks her to her feet.

“What do you want?” Her teeth grit together, her whole body feeling too heavy to carry her weight but she refuses to give in even as her knees buckle.

“What I want?” He sounds genially surprised when he speaks this time, his fingers loosening just slightly in her hair. “No it’s not about what I want, it’s about what I need.”

“And what is that?” She hears the metal of the handcuffs rattle as she tries shuffling backwards, but it’s no use.

“Revenge.”

The last thing she remembers before passing out is the air being knocked out of her as his fist connected with her stomach.

It has only a couple of hours, but those hours feels like an eternity to Aaron. He forces thoughts of what might be happening to Emily aside, pushes forward even when it feels like he can’t move. The sound of the clock irritates him, the sound of papers rustling makes him grind his teeth. With each passing minute, he can feel agony rising, spreading through his veins.

It’s too loud in the precinct and he has to get away. So he ignores pointed looks and words of comfort and quickly excuses himself and heads to the bathroom where he splashes cold water on his face. After, he stares at his own reflection, but barely recognizes the man in front of him.

He couldn’t lose her. That’s the one thing that kept running through his mind. He couldn’t lose her, because if he did, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to go on. As he watches himself he hears Emily’s voice, reminding him of Jack.

“You can’t give up. Jack needs you.”

It’s words she’s said before, long ago just after Haley’s death when all he felt was grief and anger. That had been the start of them, somewhere in between misery and heartache she had been there, an unwavering support, his light in the darkness.

“Please be okay.” He whispers, eyes closing tight. He wasn’t even sure he believed in God, but in that moment he wanted to, wanted to believe in something bigger than himself. That someone was looking out for her.

He wipes the droplets of water off his face and goes back to the team, who all seemed to have stopped, the frantic pace now nonexistent.

“Garcia found something.” Derek is the first one to speak before he turns the laptop to show the blonde. Even with her colorful clothes, bow in her hair and sparkling glasses, she’s subdued, her worry for Emily impossible to hide.

“Before Emily’s phone went dead it sent a signal between two towers, and I managed to locate what seems to be an abandoned warehouse, it’s owned by someone named Evan Peters, and he was a part of the Separatarian Sect.”

“The one Benjamin Cyrus was the leader off.” JJ reminds him gently.

“Sir, I think he planned this, he must have remembered Emily from-”

“When she was beaten and held captive along with Reid.” He interrupts Penelope, tone harsh. “And now the same kind of people have her. Again.”

“We know where she is.” Dave reminds him.

It doesn’t make him feel any calmer.

Emily winces as she tries to get up. She wasn’t sure how long she had been there, but it must have been hours. Her face feels swollen, and when she licks over her bottom lip she tastes blood.

Her clothes are torn and bloody, she can feel it drying against her skin and it only makes her more nauseous. It’s hard to breathe, hard to focus on anything besides the pain and drawing enough air into her lungs. She refused to let him win, refused to give up. Because she knew Aaron wasn’t, her team wasn’t. So she would fight, for them, for Jack, for her life. She had given up once, she wasn’t going to do that again.

As she sits there, in between pained breaths, blurry memories of his fists and boots connecting with her body flashes through her mind.

“Can you take it?” He had asked and she thinks that he’s trying to taunt her. But then he mentions Cyrus, that he had promised revenge and she realizes that he’s throwing her own words back at her.

“Can you take it?” Another kick, and with her arms behind her back she can’t protect her middle like she wants to. But she even as she heaves for breath and cries out in pain she tries to fight him.

“I can take it.”

It’s the sound of raised voices and loud running that brings her back, followed by the sound of bullets. She wants to yell out for them but she finds that she can’t, only a gasping sound leaving her as she tries. But she can hear them, closer and closer and when the door is forced open and she sees Aaron, she knows it’ll be okay.

Aaron can barely see her in the dark, her body barely a shadow as she leans against the wall. His flashlight find her and he sees her clearly, pale and hurt but she smiles. It’s just a second though, before her eyes close and she slumps against the wall.

“Emily.” He rushes to her side but he’s afraid to touch her. “We need a medic!” He calls out just as JJ and Spencer come running in behind him.

“Is she okay?” Spencer asks as he stares wide eyed at Emily, no doubt trying to count any injuries that’s visible to him.

“She’s passed out I think.” With trembling fingers he pressed them against her pulse and when he feels it, he breathes a sigh of relief as tears he’s refused let fall cloud his eyes.

It’s the sound of beeping that wakes her up next and when she opens her eyes it’s bright, white walls and fluorescent lights that’s glowing too much in the room. The opposite of what she had been surrounded by for hours. She winces as her eyes adjust and then looks around slowly. He’s there, sitting on a chair that she’s sure is uncomfortable, his eyes trained on her.

“Hi.” He says softly, finally feeling like he could breathe again.

“Hey.” She croaks, her throat swollen as she speaks. “What happened?”

“It was one of Benjamin Cyrus followers.” He starts, his thumb gently caressing her hand that he hasn’t let go of since she got out of surgery, but she shakes her head.

“I know, he told me. I meant, what happened after?”

“You’ve got three broken ribs, and he ruptured your spleen and…” His voice trails off, anger and sadness reflected in his dark orbs.

“And?” She couldn’t remember much, only a few flashes and she didn’t like not knowing.

“He strangled you.” He could see the confusion on her face, wondering why she wasn’t dead. “You kicked him, right between his legs.” At that she smiles a little.

They don’t have much more time to talk before the doctor comes in, followed by the team. But she can’t stay awake for long, the pain medications making her drowsy. When she wakes up next it’s morning and the first thing she sees is Aaron, sitting in the exact same spot as he had been the night before.

“Did you stay here all night?” She asks even though she knows the answer. He looked exhausted, deep lines around his eyes and suit shirt wrinkled.

“Yeah.” He says, barely holding in a yawn. She was already looking better, the color back in her cheeks and he didn’t think he could be more grateful.

“Come here.” She carefully scoots to the side, groaning a little at the pain but refusing to stop until she’s made enough room for him.

“I don’t think-”

“I want you closer.” She interrupts him but when he still doesn’t move she sighs. “Please, I need you closer.”

In that moment he would give her anything she asked, so he carefully gets into the bed and lays down on his side. He’s gentle as traces her cheek with the tip of his finger, just to feel the heat of her skin.

“Sleep baby.” She urges him softly, the familiar feel of his body already calming her.

He tries to fight it, but in the end he falls asleep breathing in the scent of her, not waking up until a nurse comes in to check on Emily.

Three days later they’re finally home and Aaron hasn’t been able to relax. He didn’t want to leave her side, only doing so when Derek forced him to the hotel to shower and get a change of clothes, with the promise that he’d stay at the hospital until Aaron returned. Logically he knew that he couldn’t keep this up, that she needed time to process, that he did too. But all he could think about was that the last time he told her to leave without him, she almost died.

“Are you sure you don’t want to take the pain medication the doctor prescribed?” He asks for what might be the fifth time and Emily shook her head.

“I promise it’s not that bad.” She’s lying, they both know that she’s lying, but he doesn’t argue with her. Her stubbornness could drive him insane, but right now all he wanted was to take away any pain she had.

“Okay sweetheart.” He kisses her temple and then watches as she makes her way towards the couch. “Do you need anything?”

“No, I’m okay.” She turns her head enough to look at him. “You need to pick up Jack, I promise I’ll be okay.”

It takes him another 30 minutes of her urging him out the door before he finally leaves.

Emily wakes up feeling his eyes on her. It had been almost a week since they got home and as she slowly healed, she noticed just how hard it was for him. He watched her constantly, trying to be subtle but she could always feel his stare, had always been able to pick up on him. She knows that it’s because he was terrified, but feeling like she couldn’t get a moment alone was getting to her. She doesn’t blame him for being overly protective though, she knows she would have been the exact same, that she had been close to overbearing after Foyet’s attack on him and they weren’t even a couple back then.

But she’s healing and as much as she understands why he doesn’t let her out of his sight, she knows they can’t go on like this. The final straw comes only a couple of days later. She wanted to go for a short walk, get out of the house and move around now when she finally could and Aaron immediately goes to get his jacket.

“I was actually thinking I could go alone.” She gives him a smile, one that he doesn’t return. Instead she sees dread seep across his face.

“I could use some fresh air.” He says and puts on his jacket, ignoring how she shakes her head.

“Aaron, please.” She pushes her hair out of her face, she didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but she needed some space. “It’ll be ten minutes.”

“It’s ten minutes of me not knowing if you’re okay.” He argues, anger that he knows he shouldn’t feel bubbling up inside of him.

“You can’t watch me every minute of ever day!” Her voice got louder, her tone only setting him off as unresolved feelings, feelings that had been forced away finally erupted.

“I let you go without me and someone took you! I could have lost you and it would have been my fault!” For the first time he shows her just how scared he had been, his voice cracking with the panic that still hadn’t completely gone away, his body vibrating with it.

For a moment she stills, any irritation gone as quickly as it had come and she slowly walks closer to him. She cups his stubbled cheek in her palm, her dark eyes gentle as she looks up at him.

“This wasn’t your fault.” She says but he only shakes his head at her words, eyes closed. “Aaron, look at me.” When he opens his eyes she holds his gaze. “This was not your fault, it wasn’t anyone’s fault besides his. And I need you to understand that.”

“But what if-”

“I had the entire team and he still got me. He had planned for this all along, with or without you. You have to listen to me, this wasn’t your fault.” She says the words again, slower this time and she can finally feel him relax the tiniest bit. “We can’t keep doing this, you can’t watch me all the time, can’t be here all the time. You know that.”

He sighs heavily, her words true and honest and so very Emily that his heart clenches in adoration for her.

“Okay.” He says after a few moments. “I know you’re right. I just, I thought I wouldn’t find you alive.”

“I’m here.” She presses a kiss to his lips and then pulls him down to lean his forehead against hers. “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I don’t want to live without you.” He whispers it so quietly she almost doesn’t hear him.

“I don’t either.” She promises him and lets him pull her into his arms, his chest always a place where she finds comfort. He holds her with such tenderness, makes sure that he’s not holding her too tight or pressing against her ribs and she feels her whole body warm.

They stand like that for a long time, until it feels like the world starts to make sense again, as they let each other calm them. When they break apart Emily is smiling, some of the light that’s been gone back in her eyes.

“But I expect a real proposal, just letting you know.”

The words are so unexpected he bursts out laughing, the first laugh since her kidnapping. He pulls her back into his arms and breathes in her scent, still smiling.

“Deal.”

#hotchniss #hotchniss fanfiction #aaron hotchner x emily prentiss #hotch x emily #aaron x emily #criminal minds fanfiction #aaron hotchner fanfiction #emily prentiss fanfiction

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emotionaldepravity · 6 months

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Your yandere Obito had my heart thumping and my face completely red from embarrassment. (I may or may not have been smiling the whole time reading it, huehuehue.) May I please request more yandere Obito[from Naruto.] once again? Anything, even a sliver of Obito to get me through my day? NSFW, or not, either is completely fine. Thank you, so, so much, you wonderful skeleton covered in flesh. :3

YES I CAN HELP! I'm actually going to be a bit wacky... this builds off the stuff from last time mostly the "feeding his delusion" route for the nsfw stuff. Link here to part 1/context! I'm so excited that I get to write more for this!

-Maybe he was just being stubborn, but Obito was denying how he really felt. So many thoughts ran through his head as he did his best to play his role as Madara.

-Yet no matter how much Zetsu urged him, he just kept going back to your apartment. He had lost count how many "keepsakes" he had "borrowed" from your home. If he wasn't careful, he might end up taking everything. You might move to a less convenient location or not sleep so soundly and sweetly when he made his nightly visit. It was growing more difficult to keep himself from you.

-Why should he? No, why should he deny you of him? There was plenty of time before the Eye of the Moon plan was finalized. The board was running slow, but as long as the pieces kept moving in order, he could spend a little time with you. Not realizing he had to capture the tailed beasts in order showed him how impatient he really was.

-His conflicted heart made his path blurry. It was extremely risky to see you, and the moment he was set on the Uchiha clan's downfall, he knew that he was going to have to make his choice. To take you with him the night before he was set to meet with Itachi or cut himself off from you completely.

-That would have either been the last night you noticed you "lost" random things or the night he revealed himself to you. He never regrets the choice he makes even if it leads to unhappiness. He might long to see your face as he rereads your diary, but he knows you only have to suffer his death not suffer the man he is now. On the other hand, he might see how miserable you are at his side, but he strongly believes you'd be even worse off without knowing that he is alive.

-Living as a member of the Akatsuki, willingly or not, forces you to lie at every turn. You have to feign knowing that Tobi is anything but a silly rookie. Unfortunately, he doesn't let you ignore him either. He pairs you up with himself and has you run missions with him.

-If you enjoy playing with him as Tobi, he gets even deeper into his role for you when alone. Though, he knows its a mockery of him as a child in some ways, he'd happily be that idiot for you as long as you keep smiling for him.

-Just the sight of you keeps him from being lost as the ten tails tries to rip his mind apart. He has a goal he must fulfill for you, sorry I mean you, sorry I mean you, sorry I mean Rin. The lies swim in his head, but he knows he just wants you to be with a version of him that isn't so horrible.

NSFW Warning/ Dub-con Warning

-If he wasn't so deep in denial, he'd actually realize that all his dirty fantasies involved you. He can't think of Rin in such a way so his body desires you, craves you. It might be under layers and layers of "this is what you want to do with him."

-The first time Obito masturbated with your panties wrapped around his cock, he rubbed it raw. He didn't really know what he was doing, but the thought that under different circumstances you could catch him like this, drove him wild. He gets caught up in the loop of using something so intimate to you for his own pleasure that he wouldn't realize that he is ruining the material or hurting himself. The pain makes his cock twitch just as much as the soft material around his sensitive skin does. It makes him drool a bit at the thought of you masturbating to him like this.

-If you end up on the path where you are on his side and feeding into his delusion that its actually you who is obsessed with him, he will eventually succumb to his lust. Without pretense and once you were alone with him in the Kamui dimension, he'd toss his mask away and kiss you without restraint. He'd bring you close to him letting you feel just how hard he is knowing what he planned to do.

"I know I'm spoiling you for the other me, but I don't think you'll mind that much. You've wanted me for so long after all. Let me reward you for your loyalty."

-If he strips you down and you are wet at all, he is going to feel so validated in his actions and so very attractive. Even this version of him that he considered worthless is enough for you to want him. To him that's equally beautiful and tragic.

-This would have been his first time with anyone so he is extremely inexperienced. He'd probably come the instant he was inside you, but he would be very much ready to keep going.

-You being a virgin as well would drive him insane.

"You saved yourself for me? Oh [Y/N], I shouldn't have made you wait so long!"

-He is very vocal switching between growls and whines as he ruts into you. His position preference would be for you be looking up at him. Nothing else really matters to him as long as his dick is inside you. In a different situation he'd have you on all fours and unable to see his scarred face, but you love him right? It would be too cruel for him not to see you looking into his eye with an expression of pure pleasure and too cruel for you not to get to enjoy "the man you love" as he is intimate with you.

-By virtue of being a virgin or a miracle, if you somehow come around his cock, he will take it as permission to take you like this again. Its addicting for him to make you shudder and call his name out like that. Who would have thought being your savior would feel so good for him?

-Depending on how bad his performance was for you, he would be willing to learn how to please you better. Over time he will improve as he explores your body more, but he would only ask how to do better on the chance you complain. He might be a bit embarrassed, but what can he say, he knows he isn't the version you'll be with for the rest of eternity.

-He'd be overly regretful over his actions if he ever saw you cry after sex. It almost hurts him as much as it hurts you. He is just doing what he thinks you want. He is trying to make it easier for you to be around him and easier for him to keep himself in his delusion.

-While he starts off very vanilla, he finds out he has a praise kink and a roleplay kink. He likes to hear you tell him his handsome. Though he'd probably refute the

He wants to hear you say the things that he believes you are thinking. Craving that validation of his delusion, he might have you recite certain entries from your diary while he eats you out. Yes, he figured out where your clit is. It just took him a second.

-Whether its Hokage-personal anbu guard roleplay or him fulling putting himself in the Tobi or Madara roles, he really enjoys imagining that the man he is now isn't the one fucking you senseless in the Kamui dimension. It helps him feel a little less guilty for enjoying himself in a way that's not possible in the Infinite Tsukiyomi. If he is willing to be a little less selfish he might even ask you what sort of scenario you'd enjoy.

-Cumming on your face is where he likes to finish the most. It feels so wrong to see you, a proud shinobi, covered in his fluids, and oh so arousing. He often burns the image into his brain by turning on his sharingan. If he is feeling particularly cruel, he might work on learning genjutsu just so he can make you see yourself.

#obito x reader #yandere #obito uchiha x reader #yandere headcanons #suggestive #waaaa I LOVE OBITO AHHHHHHHH #im so normal about him #can't yall see it? *smiles thought clenched teeth*

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autisticlancemcclain · 1 year

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fic rec friday 17

welcome the the seventeenth fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.

1. got got got it bad by @kairiolette

"He leans in to hook his arm around Keith’s shoulders in full. It’s right in Keith ear, when he speaks. “I have a crush on someone new, like, every week.”

“No—it's not someone.” Keith brings his head up, and it feels as heavy on his neck as if it were his center of gravity, and he meets Lance’s eyes with his own. Keith doesn’t mean to communicate something through their silence, he just kind of gets caught up in staring at Lance’s face, which tends to happen lately. Sharp features, cheekbones and chin. Impossible eyes and a loud mouth as expressive as his eyebrows. But Lance seems to come to some understanding on his own. He sits back in a rare, rare moment of speechlessness, that mouth of his slightly pursed and twitching in its search for words in what can only be, though Keith doesn’t know much about body language, immense confusion on the brink of realization."

Or: Keith acknowledges his feelings for Lance and promptly goes through the five stages of grief.

what have i said about fics from 2016!!! just the end note and the end made me LAUGH like i couldnt help reading this. they are so stupid and so lame and i love them so much. if u like 5+1 and u like klance being annoying i highly recommend

2. Wicked rather than virtuous by 2dick2down [EXLPICIT]

No one ever told you how hard it was to be sexy during a Washington winter, especially not Fifty Shades of Grey, which Lance often felt like the star of. And, all right, in all fairness, Keith wasn’t Christian Grey levels of wealthy, and he didn’t have any secret sex rooms, and Lance was not with him because he’d signed his ass over to a repressed BDSM god.

Don’t get Lance wrong. Keith was definitely a repressed rich boy. It was just that he was Mr. Grey’s inverse: the type of repressed rich boy you had to beg to spank you and even then there was no telling if he’d have to leave the room afterwards because he felt so torn up with guilt at having to hurt you. Which he didn’t. Or, well, he did, but Lance liked it. Enough to ask for it, anyway.

And was that honestly so crazy?

okay so honestly this is a porn fic. BUT it is a porn fic that also has a plot, and the plot is actually pretty sweet. the crowning jewel of this fic tho is how fucking funny it is. like i was genuinely laughing out loud on several occasions. i will provide for you an example of such:

“Let me cook for you, since you so rudely interrupted my attempts to feed you last night.”

“I don’t know,” Lance said. “If I remember correctly, I was stuffed for most of the night.”

Keith let that sit between them untouched.

“I know you want to laugh.”

it’s so funny. this is one of many moments. read it trust me

3. you build your tower (but call me home) by @parchmints

In the land of Arus, the youngest Nalquodian prince—Prince Leandro—is hidden away in a little castle that overlooks the kingdom; a countermeasure to protect him from the Galran assassins that have sworn to take his life.

And in the tallest tower of the castle, behind a grimy rose window and under a dusty sheet, is an enchanting gargoyle that the prince finds himself compelled to visit every day.

Almost as if by a spell...

idk what it is about me and gargoyle fics. im obsessed. this one in particular blew me away!! the plot was EXCELLENT, magic and fantasy and royalty that doesnt suck. so much fun and SO much intrigue. i read this the first time and literally could not put it down, and then when i finished i scrolled right back up to the top and reread it

4. you’re lucky that’s what i like by zenstrike

Lance rescues a hamster from certain doom.

or, Lance has Keith wrapped around his little finger and doesn’t even realize it.

okay this description is from the first work in the series and it does not do the whole thing justice omg. i am OBSESSED with this series. a month or so ago i was freaking out on here bc it was updated for the first time in forever and i was so pumped!! the way klance is written here is like nothing i’ve ever read before and i cannot get enough. they’re soft and they’re scared and they’re so so young and they don’t know how anything works yet but they know that they want to find out together. and they each come from a place of brokenness and strangeness and they know that beauty can come from that messiness and they embrace it but they are so sure that they will be the ones to stay tangled together despite the odds and they’re RIGHT. literally no words i could use would properly explain this series to you like i am speechless!

5. layer cake by zenstrike

Keith and Lance, on the couch with a bottle of wine

this fic is from you’re lucky that’s what i like, and it’s singled out particularly because this one did things to me. i read it several times in a row just to fully process it. it’s so aptly named because the layers of devotion...genuinely almost more than i could and can handle. god.

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!

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butterflydm · 1 year

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wot reread: towers of midnight (chap 39-49)

spoilers for towers of midnight

Aviendha! We haven't seen her since she went off without saying goodbye to Rand in TGS. Anyway, she has arrived in the Three-Fold Land and she's pondering ideas about home and softness. She thinks about how she's come to enjoy the baths and fine dresses that Elayne shared with her in the wetlands, despite wanting to believe she only wants the life that she grew up with.

2. As she makes camp for the night, she thinks about how the Aiel (and herself) will need to come back to the Three-Fold Land after the Last Battle, that the wetlands are too soft for them. As she drifts to sleep, there is an older woman there, at her campsite. She says that her name is Nakomi and she asks to share Aviendha's campsite. Nakomi asks if Aviendha is one of those who went west in search of the Car'a'carn and asks about him and about the wetlands. When Aviendha bursts out that the wetlands make them weak, Nakomi is startled. She points out that the Three-Fold Land was meant to punish them, test them, and shape them -- so whatever they are currently facing in the wetlands seems to be what they were being shaped for. So why does Aviendha insist that they must return to the Three-Fold Land after the Last Battle, since the 3FL has accomplished its purpose? They would be punishing themselves for no reason, because they will have met their toh.

3. I do actually enjoy this scene a lot but it really feels like Aviendha questioning all this should have happened earlier in the series, lol. She bound herself into a relationship with three wetlanders (well, Elayne and Rand; she still barely knows Min, because they just spent a month avoiding each other while living in the same place), all the while planning to leave the wetlands after the Last Battle? How exactly was that going to work? Narratively, I feel like this emotional crisis should have happened earlier.

4. Thinking over his grief over Hopper's final death and his failure with Slayer in his head, Perrin forges a hammer and Neald & some of the Wise Ones, working together, turn it into a Power-wrought weapon while Perrin makes it. He also finally embraces the idea of being a leader because 'someone else might do it wrong', essentially, lol. Like using an army to pursue a personal vendetta, you mean? Like allying with invaders and slavers and choosing to sell women into slavery, you mean? Like planning to disband said army after your personal goals have been achieved but before the world has been saved, you mean?

Anyway, Perrin has finally decided that he will lead these people to the Last Battle (like they want) instead of sending them away so... I guess that's nice. Finally caught up to every other one of the main protagonists, lol. It really is so weird how Perrin is the one who gets called the responsible one and he acknowledged his responsibilities back in TSR but then, after that, he ran from his responsibilities so much longer and harder than either Rand or Mat.

He also seems to have finally gotten over his petty jealousy of Wil al'Seen? So that's nice. Poor Wil has been NOTHING but loyal and supportive for as long as he's marched under Perrin's banner, yet Perrin has thought such mean-spirited things about him.

5. Berelain also assumes here that Rand is planning to marry Elayne, though she thinks of it more in tactical political terms than how Perrin was talking about it. So, again, there's a general "yeah Rand and Elayne are probably getting married" vibe going around Perrin's camp so I am going to be Very Doubtful that Tam knows nothing of Elayne when he first meets Min in Tear back in TGS.

6. Perrin finally thinks here that he failed Aram -- not by letting him pick up a sword in the first place, but by scooping him up in his wake and then shoving him away and ignoring him. Took him long enough to realize that it wasn't the sword's fault. He also knows that he can't go back and fix what he screwed up with Aram, but he can try to do better going forward.

...no thoughts from him on how to 'make good' with what he did with selling two hundred women into slavery, though. Maybe he feels like Rand making an alliance with the Seanchan will 'let him off the hook' for that.

7. Once again, the Whitecloaks and Perrin's army are on the brink of attacking each other. But this time it's because Perrin suspects that they're all about to get attacked by Shadowspawn and they do, and they fight together instead of against each other, etc. Battle scene. (where did the Shadowspawn come from? A Waygate, maybe? They can't go through Gateways -- Perrin thinks maybe a Portal Stone). When Byar compares this to what Perrin did in the Two Rivers, Bornhald realizes the contradiction in the logic of what he'd believed about the Two Rivers' battle: if Perrin has the command of this many Shadowspawn already, it's nonsensical for him to kill them off in order to trick the Whitecloaks (with their similar or lesser numbers) into joining him. After the battle is over, Galad names his sentencing of Perrin -- pay 500 crowns to the families of the two Whitecloaks that he killed, and fight in the Last Battle. When Byar realizes that Perrin is 'getting away' with all the crimes he's imagined up for him, he tries to kill Perrin and is killed by Bornhald before he can strike the blow.

8. Being bonded to Egwene is letting Gawyn inside the strong facade that she puts up in front of everyone else, and it's bringing him a lot of comfort to feel how emotional she still can be, under the serene mask. And Egwene and Gawyn have a frank conversation, all the more frank because they can sense the true emotions under each other's words. When Egwene suggests that a bed be brought for him in her antechamber for him to sleep in, he counters with suggesting that they can married. Gawyn also agrees with Egwene, very strongly, that something needs to be done about the Seanchan -- he's seen the assassins they sent after the Aes Sedai, witnessed the attack on the White Tower, and met some of the victims who have been freed from their cruelty. Then, just in case he needs them later, Gawyn takes the three ter'angreal rings that gave the Bloodknives their power.

9. Lan can feel the difference in the distant mind connected to his and wonders if Nynaeve has taken his bond from Myrelle. He always did his best to ignore Myrelle's feelings, but the connection feels different now, with a familiar "passion and kindness". As he passes through a fortress, he is recognized by a grandson of the queen of Kandor, who mentions that Nynaeve had said Lan might try to pass unnoticed. And here, at last, Lan gives up the notion of 'riding alone' and tells him that he will raise the banner, and any who want to join him in the ride to the Blight may come.

10. Galad here notes that it's kinda silly to have Aes Sedai as your allies and then refuse to let them heal you. Yes. Yes, that would be extremely foolish. Galad is another character who feels like a foil to Mat -- they both fell in with groups that are extremely hostile to Aes Sedai, despite having family that would get hurt by those groups (Morgase and Elayne vs Bode). So Galad thinking this here (and allowing himself to be healed) feels like a very direct contrast against something that is coming up in the near future, where Mat is going to decide to be extremely foolish.

But Galad realizes here (or begins to realize) how spending time with a group hostile to Aes Sedai HAS poisoned his mind against them, even though that was not his intention in joining them -- he thinks about how the idea of being healed wouldn't have made him uneasy when he was younger. And that's just what we saw with Mat too -- even if his intention with Tuon is to try to convince her that channeling isn't evil, spending time around her and listening to her spew her poisonous thoughts affects him even when he's trying to avoid it. It's just like the corruption of Mashadar/Shadar Logoth (which was always a metaphor for extreme paranoia and hate). Aridhol - the Children of the Light - the Seanchan... all these groups are working out of the same playbook of stoking paranoia and fear and then using that to gain control of people who are emotionally vulnerable. And it's something that's pretty common IRL too.

But combining Gawyn and Galad's realizations in TGS/ToM does feel kinda like the books have provided a road map of how Mat can emotionally pull himself away from the Seanchan and his toxic relationship with ~Fortuona~ once he wakes up enough to realize that she's not willing to ever grow as a person -- you have to realize that you DO need to make a choice that your morals can live with (can't straddle a fence forever) and realize that spending time around people who are constantly attacking and demeaning your loved ones can potentially screw with your head a lot. Child Byar is the obvious analogue for Tuon in this specific example of Galad vs Mat, and I've talked about Elaida and Tuon's similarities in earlier posts. Byar, Elaida, and Fortuona are all ~true believers~ in their individual terrible philosophies and do have a genuine 'sincerity' and 'conviction' in their zealotry for what they believe in plus share a willingness to turn to violence when they are challenged. I'm not sure if Perrin ever gets a whiff of Fortuona (don't recall), but I wonder if she would smell rabid to him, the way that most of the Whitecloaks do.

11. After they heal up from the battle, they all Travel to Andor, near Whitebridge. Morgase regrets that Faile has taken the reveal of her identity so hard and now Morgase is in a strange half-place where she is no longer a servant but not a queen either. *sigh* It's frustrating that her marrying Tallanvor is still basically forced along by Lini. Let her relax into a relationship first, sheesh. Anyway. Morgase's plan is to offer to be Elayne's advisor.

12. The chapter ends with Perrin getting to have a private reunion with Mat. lol, Perrin and Mat have barely interacted on page in the book series (especially compared to Rand and Mat) and yet Sanderson goes out of his way to let the two of THEM get a private reunion. This is genuinely the first time when Perrin has felt like an author's pet, at least for me (though I do think that Jordan would have spent considerably less page time on Perrin than Sanderson did, this is the first time when that extra Perrin time has felt like it came out of nowhere and was put in just so that Perrin could have a special treat, in this case, the treat of getting Fun Times With Mat for a couple of pages ... though actually, now that I think about, Perrin getting to be the Special One who gets to witness Rand's epiphany on Dragonmount first-hand feels like it falls into this category as well, of Perrin getting Special Treats because he's Sanderson's Particular Favorite and he wants Perrin to experience All The Cool Moments).

Why is Mat here in Whitebridge? Didn't he promise to stay in Caemlyn for a month? Has it already been a month? How did Mat even know that Perrin would be in Whitebridge? An off-screen strategic use of the color swirls, in a way that Mat has never used them before? It's just so random that he's here rather than him and Perrin meeting up for the first time once Perrin arrives in Caemlyn.

Interestingly (to me), Mat has continued to regress emotionally -- he's pulled a childish prank and wants Perrin to join him in it. Also interesting: Mat's hat is completely unfamiliar to Perrin, which speaks again to how quickly and thoroughly Perrin was able to suppress the color swirls compared to Mat and Rand. Anyway, Mat quickly hugs Perrin, arranges to meet him later, and 'borrows' one of the Asha'man to help him hop around (Neald).

Also, we know from Gawyn's chapter that there are ex-damane and ex-sul'dam wandering around the Royal Palace and yet... I don't think we ever get a scene where Mat runs across them the way that Gawyn did. Again, it feels like the narrative is sheltering Mat from seeing the full truth about the Empire that he is tying himself to, making it easier for him to play pretend that he can reason Tuon into being a decent person.

13. Elayne enjoys the warmth of her bond with Rand, after having learned the good news from Egwene that Mesaana was taken care of. It's been a week since Auldra's test (which means no more bed rest, so it was literally just a SINGLE CHAPTER where she was carried around in a bed; being carried around in a bed is the new "Elayne takes too many baths" where fandom exaggerates how much something actually happened) and Elayne has pressed every bellfounder in Andor into making more 'dragons'. Elayne deals with some politics re: the claiming of the Sun Throne. When Birgitte brings someone in unannounced, Elayne assumes that it's Mat (so Mat has permission to come into Elayne's private chambers without being formally announced). But it is Galad instead, and she is very startled to see him. And then even MORE startled to see her mother, alive and well. Morgase lets her know that she has formally renounced the throne, so no worries there, and Elayne and Galad share some information about how Galad became Lord Commander of the Whitecloaks and how the Succession went for Elayne. She invites them to a private dinner later.

14. When Elayne is alone in the room with Morgase (and Birgitte), she tells Morgase about her pregnancy and that Rand is the father. A frustrating way about how this story was set up by Jordan (and @markantonys and I have talked a lot about how this bothers us!) is because Min ~conveniently~ got black-out drunk and so was able to tell all of Caemlyn about Elayne's pregnancy but conveniently 'unable' to tell Rand, is that the pregnancy has been completely isolated to Elayne's storyline and hasn't had any impact on Rand. Which really makes it feel more like Elayne was made pregnant ~for the Dragon's Legacy~ than anything else, especially because of how Jordan immediately started having the people around Elayne treat her as a vessel for her future children rather than a person who was pregnant (even though they didn't know the kids were ~legacy babies~). Again, something that Jordan started but that Sanderson has unfortunately continued. I'm hopeful that (if the show should get that far) the show would do things differently with this storyline, because Rand has already been allowed to have "I could be a dad" related feelings in the show.

15. At night in the Three-Fold Land, Aviendha studies Rhuidean and thinks of the three ways that Rand 'broke' the city. He took away the shrouding mists surrounding it. He brought water to it (the lake is named Tears of the Dragon, Tsodrelle'Aman). And the final way is that he made the cultural impact of the city profoundly different by sharing the truth of the Aiel's past with all the Aiel, so it is no longer something that is a test for Wise Ones and clan chiefs. And so she thinks about how there is a strength in accepting change, and not clinging to tradition for tradition's sake alone. She realizes that her plan of retreating back into the Three-Fold Land never meshed with the other desires of her heart -- she wants Rand to survive the Last Battle but if he does, he will live in the wetlands. And Elayne is her first-sister who she loves and does not want to abandon, and plans to be sister-wives with, and Elayne would also live in the wetlands. She was thinking of how she became a Maiden in part because of her search to be strong but "strength was not strength if it had no purpose or direction".

(she does not think about Min because why would she? Min has never bothered trying to build a relationship with her and, in direct contrast to Elayne, has shown many times that she isn't interested in learning any more about the Aiel or their ways.)

16. The Black Tower plotline should belong to Nynaeve . That is my only comment on chapter 46, lol. I don't hate Androl like some people do but... the Black Tower plotline should have been Nynaeve's (and Logain's too tbh, and would have been a good source for his 'glory' viewing from Min). This also would have given Nynaeve a strong late-series antagonist in Taim, after she's defeated Moghedien earlier in the series.

17. Actually, I am going to talk a bit about how frustrating it is that Jordan kept avoiding this plotline. It is a festering wound in Rand's storyline for months/books and Rand just keeps avoiding it and avoiding it. We get these tiny little hints into what might be happening at the Black Tower, but mostly it's just a self-inflicted wound on Rand's part that never really get resolved on his end, because Rand never goes back there. He creates it and then lets it be Someone Else's Problem, and it kinda feels like it's tied to how Jordan kept having Rand avoid Caemlyn in general. It feels like it's an element of the story that Jordan just... didn't know how to solve, so he kept punting it forward to the future and hoping he would figure it out eventually (kinda like the Seanchan, I guess). But, yeah, I feel like having Nynaeve literally stop by the Black Tower for Lan's bond and then immediately leaving really feels like a missed opportunity on Sanderson's part.

18. Faile, Perrin & co Travel to Caemlyn and Faile is startled by how there is a ring of clear sky around the city, breaking the cloud cover and allowing the sunlight to shine through. That's Rand's love for Elayne. <3

Faile notes here that Elayne is a younger version of her mother (she doesn't think here about how she missed the resemblance before, though now that she brings it up -- she also met Elayne in Tear, just like Perrin did, lol) and notes her pregnancy as well. Yet more people who found out before Rand did. Though Faile does not know for sure that Rand is the dad -- though he is an option that she speculates on.

19. Anyway, obviously Elayne does not execute Perrin. They make an agreement that Perrin will be a ~high lord~ in charge of the Two Rivers but underneath Elayne. It's kinda hilarious to me that Perrin flatly turns down the whole "super early betrothal" idea between his potential kid and Elayne's because of Rand and Egwene's evolving backstory throughout the first five books in the series, one version of which WAS them being ~all but promised~ since childhood, so it kinda IS a Two Rivers thing.

The political mechanism of this is going to be them having it styled as a request from RAND aka the Dragon Reborn, so it doesn't look like Elayne is giving in to the demands of rebels from the crown but is instead honoring the debt the world owes the Two Rivers for raising Rand and "the man I love", so Elayne is thinking at the point that she does intend to go public with her relationship with Rand, it seems, otherwise I don't see how that part of the plan can work. Though this may be Elayne assuming/hoping that Rand will survive the Last Battle and then they will be able to go public.

Hmmm, given that Elayne was kinda ~eh~ on whether or not she agreed with Egwene on needing to 'stop Rand' re: breaking the seals, it's interesting that she frames things that way with Perrin, as if she agrees with Egwene 100%. This conversation is all very political from Elayne's side of things, so I wonder if this part of it is as well. Or maybe Elayne has decided that Egwene is right after thinking things over.

20. ~Fortuona's~ skirt is so heavy and long that it requires five slaves to carry the train of it as she wanders around 'her' palace in Ebou Dar. Let's see what this scene is about, especially given my recent thoughts about how the little empress is a foil for Elayne, who just engaged in some clever political justifications in order to help the Two Rivers maintain autonomy.

Ah, we are being reminded that she gets off on torturing helpless women aka ~teaching lessons~ to stubborn damane. "You did not destroy a beast because it was slow to learn; you punished it until it learned." She's so repulsive in her internal narration. Also, that once again reminds me of how she treated Mat during the circus arc. Another point for 'she was slave-breaking him'. #MatDeservedBetter #PutMatInThePolycule #Yikes

She finds it soothing to watch women be tortured into whimpering and unwilling submission. How is she better than Semirhage, exactly? This is the exact same mindset that Semirhage had.

21. lol forever, the Seanchan are the biggest try-hards in the world. Her gown is covered with writings talking about how "The Empress IS Seanchan. The Empress WILL live forever. The Empress MUST be obeyed" (emphasis in the text). Someone is really really insecure, isn't she, despite her massive ego? Also, that is a straight-forward repudiation of Mat's belief that he can fight her empire without fighting her. She IS the Empire. If he openly turns against the Empire and against slavery, she will take it as a personal assault against her as a person. Speaking of Mat, she thinks here that one of the lessons she learned from her time with him was that not every noble on this side of the ocean would be plotting to assassinate her, as they might in Seanchan. That's the main lesson that she decided to take from her time with Mat. Nothing else important happened in your time with the circus? (also, I don't get how in the world she learned that from the circus journey? lol the only other Seanchan noble on that trip besides her was Egeanin, who was a. Low Blood and b. defected from the Seanchan over to the Westlanders; Fortuona is literally just making things up and creating baseless fictions in her head)

22. Ah, we are also here to show that Elaida is in the process of being broken. I had to skim over all the grossness here. I do think that a part of the reason it's Elaida here and not any other Aes Sedai is likely an attempt at softening the horror of what ~Fortuona~ is doing for the reader but, yeah, that bs does not work on me. I'm with Egwene. No one deserves to be treated like this. It's genuinely so unbelievable that the narrative wants to convince me that Mat would be willing to kiss (let alone do anything else with) a woman like this. Another character more devoid of morals and with a lack of empathy, sure. But Mat? Complete bullshit. (which is why Mat was replaced with a pod!person version of himself in CoT & KoD -- Mat's characterization change really remains the most obvious indicator that Tuon's original plot was likely quite different than what we ended up with, because Mat in WH is clearly set up to morally challenge Tuon and then in CoT & KoD, we abruptly swap to enabling & coddling her instead)

Because sure, Mat cares about people over abstract principles, but he is aware that marath'damane are people too. He barely knew Teslyn and he reworked his entire escape plan to save her. He didn't know the Windfinders at all and, again, risked his entire escape plan to help free them. Mat throwing aside the ~little people trampled under her feet~ in favor of the elite noble lady is just... not in character. It really does suck that Jordan decided to deal with punting off the issue of the Seanchan by destroying Mat rather than... any other option.

23. Anyway, the Seanchan officially now have Traveling, which I'm guessing is the other big reason we have this scene, not just as a contrast against Elayne. But we see here ~Fortuona~ wondering if she will have "unwavering loyalty" from 'Matrim' and an "impossible marriage" out of a fantasy where she will actually be able to trust the Prince of Ravens. tbh this feels like another illustration of Fortuona Just Making Up Fictions In Her Head -- Mat has explicitly told her that her empire is his enemy, and she views herself AS the empire so... no. Mat has no current plans to pledge his ~unwavering loyalty~ to her. But Fortuona has probably blocked out that part of the conversation because she didn't like it, lol.

She then immediately begins plotting her next strike against the White Tower, with this new weapon of being able to Travel directly to the enemy stronghold.

Mat, get a better wife. This one sucks.

24. Hmm, we go directly from seeing ~Fortuona~ being a terrible person, to Mat telling Perrin about being married to 'the Daughter of the Nine Moons', which he maintains is different than being married to 'the Empress of the Seanchan', so even in outside PoVs, Mat is trying to maintain that wall of pretense that Tuon isn't actually a major part of the Seanchan Empire. Interestingly, it sounds like Perrin told his own story first, so Mat & Thom (also here) are aware that Perrin is buddy-buddy with slavers (I doubt he went into detail about selling women into slavery, but he would have needed to mention allying with the Seanchan to explain how he freed Faile & Co from the Shaido). I wonder if that shaped any of their own responses to him.

And I will say, Perrin treating Mat being married to the Empress of the Slavers like the ‘of the Slavers’ part is meaningless: Ugh. I mean, it follows from his horrendous Actually Slavers Are Great People Sometimes ‘epiphany’ of KoD but it still sucks. He literally just goes "lol married man Mat" here, and has zero opinions about the quality of Mat's bride. And this is in Perrin's PoV, so if he were grossed out by Mat marrying a slaver, we would know. He is amused that Mat is married, grins a lot, and is content with just hanging out with someone who is married to a slaver. My respect for Perrin has plummeted once again.

25. Now, Thom is in this scene, so I'm going to examine his behavior closely, as promised. Very intriguing! He is the one who mentioned the marriage when he told the story (and Mat openly wishes that he hadn't) AND Mat grouses that he didn't make Mat sound heroic. Which is to say... Perrin has gotten pretty much precisely the opposite story to the one that Elayne got -- Elayne heard the version that DID make Mat sound heroic and that stopped before there was a marriage or having a slaver enforcer sent back to her empire to do more horrible things. And Thom is the one who told both of those very different stories. Hmm.

Putting this scene so soon after ~Fortuona~ thinking about how much she enjoys torturing people is, um, interesting. We have: Good Queen Elayne figuring out a bargain that will work for everyone; Torturer and Invader Tuon already planning to attack a stronghold of Team Light once again; and then Mat, who wishes people would stop bringing up his marriage.

26. lol, Thom's only comment on Tuon as a person (someone who he spent at least one whole month with, and it might have been two months idk the circus arc felt like it went on forever): "She's something interesting." lol, wow. That's the best he's willing to say about his ~good buddy Mat's wife~, huh? That's one of the best illustrations of 'damning with faint praise' that I've ever seen.

Mat himself does not offer up anything more positive about her at this time, just echoing Thom's comment.

Ugh, so grossed out by Perrin talking about how Mat's wife will expect him to know table manners. She's a slaver, Perrin. She enjoys watching people writhe in pain in front of her. Have some fucking perspective, will you?

...also, Perrin really has no room to talk about table manners. He canonically eats like a wolf.

27. Once again, Perrin confirms that Mat is now a fey creature who obeys oaths to the letter while breaking the spirit of them, apparently. Mat shows him the letter from Verin and Perrin smells it.

Aww, Mat does worry here about Verin. Well, she's dead, Mat. Read the letter instead of ignoring it.

lol, in contrast to Perrin hating when men smile, Mat notes that he wishes Grady would smile more. Don't say things like that around Perrin! He might take offense!

28. "This is why I left my wife in another kingdom". Ah, the very familiar sound of a man who is miserably married but doesn't know he's allowed to NOT be married. You will see this type of comment around the internet and it used to be pretty common on tv (especially sitcoms), though I think that's died down a bit in recent years (or I've just managed to successfully avoid the shows where it still happens). But the "please take my wife" school of 'jokes'. Happily married Grady finds the joke unpleasant. Because he actually likes his wife, I'm guessing.

Mat also notes that he feels like the world has been laughing at him recently. Then he tells Perrin that Moiraine is alive and that he plans to rescue her.

...yeah, I'm now leaning towards Thom believing that Mat is playing Tuon, because Mat's unhappiness about his marriage has not been particularly subtle, and it doesn't make sense for Thom to assume that Mat tumbled in love with her, because he's not acting like he wants to spend any time with her -- he's basically acting like he's ashamed to be married to her, given how much he openly regrets it whenever someone new learns about his marriage (even if he's the one who told them). Since Thom doesn't know about the prophecy, spy!Mat is the most logical conclusion for him to make.

I am also 100% not surprised that Perrin would fail to pick up on any subtext in Mat's feelings about ~his wife~ -- not picking up on people hiding their complex intentions and feelings behind false words has been a subplot throughout Perrin's plotline in the books (I talk, of course, of Berelain; who compared herself to Mat back in TSR and didn't chase him because she believed they were too much alike). Perrin is often baffled by why a person would say one thing and then do another contradictory thing (especially if they are feeling a third contradictory thing at the same time). Which is probably why Mat and Rand are closer friends over the course of the book series, tbh, because Rand was a lot better at picking up on that subtext from Mat just as Mat was better at figuring out what Rand's behavior meant than Perrin was.

29. Aviendha enters the forest of glass columns, expecting to see something similar to what Rand (and every Wise One and clan chief) saw. And she does. On the plus side, Avendesora has fully recovered from being burned during Rand's fight with Asmodean, which was less than a year ago. Yay, tree! We're reminded here of all the ter'angreal that Moiraine took out of Rhuidean, boxed up on caravans meant for the White Tower, but are now just... chilling in Cairhien somewhere. All that's left here is the tree, the glass forest, and the silver rings that the Wise Ones use.

30. She continues to think on whether or not tradition for its own sake is worth holding onto. And then, she actually thinks of trying to use the Talent that she discovered during her time with Elayne to find out more information on the glass columns! But she finds that this ter'angreal is much more powerful than any of the others that she had examined and she feels almost as if it is looking at her. When she turns away to leave, she finds herself drawn into a series of visions, but different ones than the ones she's already seen and came to expect.

31. Instead of the past, Aviendha sees a glimpse of a future. I use 'a' instead of 'the' because that's really the way that Wise Ones generally interface with future prophecies -- they have the silver rings and they have prophetic dreams, and BOTH of those are explicitly subject to change, both of them show possibility rather than certainty. So it makes sense that Aviendha treats this as a 'may happen' rather than 'will happen' (as Min treats her viewings). The Wise Ones always have a degree of malleability and uncertainty when it comes to their prophecies. So even though Aviendha thinks here that this vision feels more real than that of the silver rings, I do think it's partly the lessons of the rings that makes her decide not to just lie down and let the future happen to her, as so many other characters have done.

So it makes sense that the overall lesson that Aviendha takes from the glass columns is "okay, let's prevent this future".

32. The first new vision that Aviendha gets -- of a Aiel who thinks of herself as one of 'the Folk' and who lives a scrabbling life as scavengers in the desert, startles her. She wonders if interacting with the columns in the way that she did changed them. So she decides to turn around and go back into the columns, to see if there is a new lesson here.

33. The progression of lives (for part of this journey, Aviendha thinks she's viewing a distant past):

Malidra - scavenger who dies at 18 (end of Aviendha's line?)

Norlesh - we learn that the reason that the Aiel cannot trade with the 'wetlands' is due to the Raven Empress, who forbids trade with the Aiel. We learn that the reason they don't have settlements anymore is because they are attacked if they gather in large numbers, and they are not allowed back over the mountains into the wetlands.

Tava - greatmother (grandmother) to Norlesh. At fourteen, her hold was attacked and they were driven out to wander the desert. The attack was done via raken & to'raken, sounds like. We learn that this is far from the first time that a hold has been attacked -- few Aiel still hold to societies and sept/clan, because they have been forced to scattered and then regroup with new people so many times. This specific hold was deep in the waste, so they had believed it to be safe. We learn that "being known as Aiel meant death". This is when Aviendha realizes that this is not the past -- she recognizes the raken and the Seanchan uniform.

Ladalin - Wise One of the Taardad Aiel, who cannot channel and wishes that she could, so that she could help her people and remained young for longer to lead her clan. We learn that the Seanchan have done a successful job of hunting Aiel channelers, both male and female (so they may be actively using those copies of the black a'dam that Semirhage made). Ladalin is an old woman now and her entire life has been spent in battle against the Seanchan. We learn that the White Tower has just fallen and only five clans remain. The remaining Aiel decide to retreat back over the mountains and leave the wetlands to the Seanchan, hoping that their children can regroup and continue the fight in future generations. Aviendha finds Ladalin's PoV almost more confusing than the others because it is similar in some ways to Aiel culture thinking but with specific important pieces lost.

Oncala - Maiden of the Spear. Rhuidean has been besieged by the Seanchan. Oncala thinks about how the Aiel respected that the palace in Ebou Dar was the Seanchan's seat and did not attack it (until Rhuidean was attacked), yet the Seanchan attacked their place of peace. Oncala is visiting the royal palace in Caemlyn to speak with Queen Talana and is somewhat resentful that the Andoran royal family thinks themselves the equal of her own family, because they both have the blood of the Dragon. Because they know that they cannot fight the Seanchan alone, she and her family have papers that they took from the palace in Ebou Dar that show plans to attack the various places in the wetlands, thus bringing Andor into the war. However, they left out a document stating that this was a contingency plan and not an active assault being planned.

Padra - Aviendha's daughter, a Maiden of the Spear. She and her siblings have been able to channel since they were children, and she holds the Power constantly, even when she sleeps. We learn that the Seanchan have refused to let any of their enslaved channelers be released, even when the Aiel have offered to pay or trade for them. lol forever at ~the old Seanchan empress~ being considered a ~woman of honor~. Dude, I've met Fortuona. She's got no honor. Pride by the barrel, but no honor. But I guess it's easy to turn the dead into saints (actually the narration here implies that Fortuona dies relatively soon after the Last Battle, which I find interesting - "The old empress, the one who had ruled during the days of the Last Battle" does not sound like she was ruling for very long past that time period. "Many years had passed since her rule". Hmm). Anyway, this is the meeting, essentially, where the Aiel clans decide to go to active war with the Seanchan, thus kicking off the rest of the chain of events. Rhuarc's son talks to Padra after the decision has been made, about how his father felt that Rand was never truly part of the Aiel and didn't know what to do with them, leaving them at loose ends.

34. Anyway, I do think we have a couple of different motivations at work here for Sanderson: a. he needs Aviendha to decide to embrace her chosen future and not just allow the future to happen to her and b. making nice with the Seanchan is a fundamental part of the ending as Jordan had it set up in the epilogue, so he needs to make it so that the Aiel will play along with that.

However... there are some pretty big 'missing character' gaps in the vision that Aviendha has been shown. It's definitely less than a hundred years into the future in the first vision (we meet Rhuarc's son and there's no implication in the vision that he can channel) so... where is Aviendha? She can channel, and channel strongly. Same with Elayne. You'd think they might have some opinions and/or impact on the world. I kinda feel like the push-off into war probably should have taken place further into the future. Maybe have this vision have Rhuarc's grandson instead of his son, and not have any memory of seeing Rand. In a world where channelers can live hundreds of years... Amys or Melaine should still be around too, I would think. I have other questions as well. So despite Aviendha's own thoughts on it, the way that the viewings actually play out feels more like an intentional warning than a true future.

But you know, I did get a good laugh when Fortuona was called honorable, so we'll always have that.

The next reread post will probably be the last one for ToM and I'm going to save any commentary for HOW Aviendha goes about approaching changing the future for when she lays out her thoughts about it, since she hasn't said yet what her plans are, and I don't know if I've remembered them correctly. I think maybe we don't find out until AMoL. We'll see!

#wot #wheel of time #wot reread #towers of midnight #wot book spoilers #wot spoilers #aviendha #perrin aybara #elayne trakand #mat cauthon

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siena-sevenwits · 5 months

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Dec 31- Day #1 -A Fortnight of Books

Overall - best new-to-you books read in 2023?

Ooh - we start by firing the big guns, do we? Throwing objectivity to the wind and judging simply by the ones that had the most profound effects on me:

The King of Attolia by Megan Whalen Turner

They were right. They were all right. He is Annux. The series is all that it aims to be, and yet this book outstrips the rest. This books is cool water and lavishly red wine in summertime. I just can't believe that the heart of the book is that where we (and Costis) thought there was sloth, cowardice, self-absorption, and even cruelty, there is secretly compassion, fidelity, and the vitality of unearned mercy. And just, you know - "Go to bed, Eugenides."

Gaudy Night by Dorothy L. Sayers

Oh, the sheer love - and genius - that was clearly poured into this book! While part of me wishes I had read this novel before I visited Oxford this summer, I don't know if I would have loved the novel in the same way if it had been the other way round. Like Harriet, i got to return to Oxford through this book and simultaneously become acquainted truly with Sayers' Wimsical imagination at the height of her powers. I have read a couple of her early Wimsey books, and they are great, but they do pale next to this one. The intelligence, the themes, HARRIET, the fact that it's a good mystery but the mystery is almost a bonus added on to following Miss Vane. And I understand Lord Peter so much better now. And yes, it reads like a love letter to everything in the world that the author loves. The best books often do. And the words, the words! I begin to think Sayers invented the English language, for she can make it do anything she wants in any style, any genre, prose or poetry.

The Perilous Gard by Elizabeth Marie Pope

I don't know how to praise this one as well as I'd like to. It was one of the first books of 2023, and it was just such a jewel. Everything I love in a retelling and more. The fact that the way she held on to him was reminding him who he was, in the most practical, no-nonsense, down to earth fashion, in the face of the grandiose lies the cultist had told him about himself. This book gave me a bit of the cold iron to have about me, one might say.

What It Means to Be a Christian by Pope Benedict XVI

This book took on the meaning of suffering, what it means to live in the fulfillment of the covenant, and our individual callings in very few chapters, with an apparent simplicity that belies itself. It's so, so good.

Best series you discovered in 2023?

The Wingfeather Saga by Andrew Peterson

I might have waffled between this series and the Queen's Thief, but I read the first two books of the latter in 2022, which makes it easier. Shall I say, this series is so much greater than the sum of its parts. I imagine it would depend greatly on the individual whether certain aspects in Janner and Kalmar's arcs resonate as they did for me, but oh, I wish they could do so for everyone. These books had me weeping. Kalmar singing the Song of the Ancient Stones - and choosing instead to cling to his true identity with the help of his brother - had a very specific meaning to me, something truly transformative. And I will never forget Podo Helmer, realizing that for the first time in his life, his whole story had been told, and against all hope, he was still loved.

And all this is not to mention the two days of longing it sent me spiralling into. Longing for beauty, for creativity, for God.

Best rereads of the year?

The Letter to the Romans by Saint Paul the Apostle

This was the year of jumping head first into the wave pool of Romans and simply refusing to get out of the water when the lifeguards said closing time. Honestly, Christ did something this year that changed the way I experience Scripture. Still working through multiple commentaries and mean to continue them into the New Year.

The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle

Beautiful book. Beautiful, beautiful book, with a heart that's melancholy yet warm and hopeful. So much thinking to do.

Adorning the Dark by Andrew Peterson

Did me a lot of good in completely different ways than it did last time.

Thanks to @idratherdreamofjune, @valiantarcher, and @lover-of-the-starkindler (I believe) for the Fortnight of Books template. Love these questions. I'm going to try to answer the prompts every day.

#recovering reader #coreander's old books #fortnight in books 2023

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tokiro07 · 9 months

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Was talking to a customer today about media consumption, specifically about the benefits and risks of binging

I've talked about this concept a number of times lately it feels like, but this particular conversation helped me realize a nice framework to look at it with: while binging is quick and to an extent feels good (i.e. "I finished this series in X amount of time!"), it greatly reduces the amount of anchor points that one can form to become attached to the media in question

For example, when I was reading Dungeon Meshi, I ended up reading all 90+ chapters in the span of three days; Dungeon Meshi is made up of a lot of small arcs, each lasting only a few chapters, and I ended up reading all of them in the same context (sitting on my couch at around the same time of day) with minimal exposure to outside factors (other readers, sharing what I was doing with my family or friends, etc.)

Aside from key moments, like those that were particularly funny ("an exact duplicate...?") or particularly emotionally impactful (the ancient magic, Senshi's youth, post-Dungeon Rabbits, etc.), I feel like I couldn't really relay the events of the story to someone else without missing a lot of the best bits because, again, by binging them I ended up mashing all of the events together in my mind. I didn't even end up reading it at a particularly noteworthy time in my own life, so reading it so quickly meant that it didn't end up connecting to my personal life either

Compare to say, One Piece, which I hadn't actually read in its entirety until Gear 4th was revealed; I realized that the significance of this moment may have been lost on me, so I decided that this would be a good time for me to fill in any of the gaps in my knowledge (i.e. Davy Back, Skypiea, Water 7, etc.) and read the full-color version

At just shy of 800 chapters at the time, this process took me approximately three weeks; some chapters I read lying on my bed, some I read sitting in a chair, some I read during breaks in college. Some I read while listening to Three Days Grace, some while listening to 10 Years, some while listening to Rise Against

Even though I was binging One Piece, the sheer amount of time it took me to actually do so ended up giving me a ton of opportunities to create anchors; I remember different contexts, outside conversations, and most importantly, the impacts that they had on me

Rereading Punk Hazard at the time was definitely the highlight, as it altered not only my reading experience but my involvement in the fandom and just generally how I lived my life. Because I was reminded of Monet, I started looking into the theories surrounding her, which led to me looking into other theories and finding forums like Oro Jackson. Monet herself became the ultimate anchor point for me, as she retroactively became the frame of reference that I have for my entire One Piece experience

Reading One Piece took so long that it ended up being a defining segment of my life in and of itself, whereas the time spent reading Dungeon Meshi was so small that it barely registers as a single event, despite the fact that I think it's extremely high quality and a story I highly recommend

It's like when you're studying for an exam - you can't just cram the night before, you'll wear your brain out and only really remember the first and last things you read particularly clearly; but if you space it out and give yourself time to rest, you'll have multiple beginnings and endings that you'll remember a lot better than you would have otherwise, both because they're each their own isolated incident that you can think back to while also giving yourself enough time to recover

So when you're consuming a new piece of media that you've really wanted to get into but you were too late for the live updates, please consider regulating your experience. Limit yourself to 10 chapters a day, or one arc per day, or whatever's the most conducive to that particular medium. Just resist the temptation of "just one more, it's so good and I've got time for it"

You may have the time for it, but like eating a bag of candy, you're going to end up overdoing it and regretting it because A) you don't feel as good as you would have otherwise and B) now you don't have it when you want it later

#media consumption #media #dungeon meshi #one piece #monet #harpy monet

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miss-celestia13 · 11 months

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Meet Me Tonight

Bodyguard Jake x Celebrity OFMC Smut

Words: 6.1K

After receiving a text from an unknown number, Kenzi decides to find out what they have to say. In a dive bar on the East Side, two very different people find holy ground and a new beginning. Part one is linked below.

Part two of:

I Can See You

Thank you for reading the last part! I appreciate each of you so much. Thank you for telling me that you enjoyed it. It’s very helpful, as sometimes I feel like I’m smutting into the void 🤭This is the last part of this story❤️

There are of course more swiftie references but you don’t need to be a fan to read, or even know the game tbh. I’ll Shh now and let you read ❤️

Kenzi

Unknown: Meet me in the dive bar on the east side. There is a back door if you don't want to be seen.

Kenzi read and reread that message until it was burned into her retinas. A bitter chuckle escaped her, and she shook her head. It was a challenge. A dare. To see if she was going to keep him a secret, wear the wigs, and hide from the hunters with cameras and cell phones. Or if she was brave enough to meet him as Kenzi and walk in the front door. She had thought she was protecting him by hiding and keeping him secret, but now she understood it had hurt him. She knew her reaction when they were found out hadn’t been reassuring for him. All she’d seen were headlines. Her face would be plastered everywhere. The jokes and memes that always spread when the world knew she had found love again would hound them for months. And she had panicked. He had needed her to reassure him, stay calm and handle it when it happened. But she'd been too lost in her head to see it.

Her life had been a daydream and nightmare of extremes. The scales were never balanced, and she was always either on top of the world or at rock bottom. Her tendency to dive in headfirst, chasing the butterflies and the addictive rush of new romance, meant she often found herself in a crisis. It was her fault, as much as it was the fault of the media or the men, that broke her heart. She didn’t know how to do things halfway and never wanted to learn. She liked feeling everything so intensely and permanently. It wasn't worth it if it didn’t leave a mark, a phantom bloodstain on her skin, or a new hastily patched-up scar on her tattered heart.

It was almost midnight. She had to decide fast. Was he worth the uproar that would no doubt make her life insane until the news died down? While she had been lost in that haze of lust and new love, she would have said yes without hesitation. But weeks of him running from her, no sign he cared except the burning weight of his eyes a second before he bolted, had left her feeling sour. Still, she wasn’t the type to play it safe. And she was so tired of pretending she was fine. Sighing, she glanced in the mirror and frowned. The dress she wore was far too fancy for that bar. They’d spent a few blurry nights there; most wore casual clothing.

She had made up her mind and was soon stripping out of her gown, throwing on a comfy sweater dress before shoving her feet into a pair of flat boots. She grabbed her wallet and phone while leaving her hair in its elaborate braid. Sneaking out of the house wouldn’t be too difficult tonight. It was like he’d planned it this way as she crept through and managed to make it to the stairs without being seen. She sent a text to Jessy, telling her where she would be and to tell her mom if she happened to find out she was gone and panicked. As she reached the ground floor, she realized the front door was a no-go. It was too well guarded, but she knew Stefan always took the back door and was always up for shenanigans.

Running on silent feet to the back entrance, she shoved the door open and found Stefan standing with his arms crossed.

“And where do you think you’re going?” He smirked, and she laughed at the teasing tone in his voice. He was older, more mellow than the others, and he knew how much she chafed at being under constant surveillance.

“I fancied a drink. Wanna come?” She waggled her brows, grinning as his eyes twinkled.

He sighed, pretending to think it over before he said with a shrug, “Why not? The gruesome twosome won’t care if I take my “break.” Come on then, I’ll be discreet.”

Kenzi thanked him profusely and followed him to his car. Once she was buckled in, he sent a message to tell the others he was off on break before driving her to Cornelia Street. Her hands quivered as she picked at her nails, teeth worrying her lip as she stared through the rain-splattered window and tried to calm her racing heart. What if he wanted to meet her to tell her this had all been a mistake? What if he regretted it? Regretted her? She would be furious. He hadn’t struck her as that cruel, but she didn’t know him as well as she wanted to yet. Heaving yet another sigh, she cursed herself and mentally tried to get a grip. Stefan hadn’t missed her silent fretting.

“Does this have something to do with that Jake guy?” He asked, and she froze, unsure if he’d turn the car around if she confirmed it. Her silence answered for her as he nodded and sucked his teeth.

“I didn’t know him well, but he cared a lot. You were his entire focus from the start. We are warned never to get involved with a client. It’s almost law. But how I see it is, who will protect the client more than the man in love with her?”

Her heart skipped and jumped, and she turned wide eyes on Stefan, “He never said he loved me.”

“He didn’t have to. It was obvious.”

Kenzi frowned; she had fallen for him so fast. Like a landslide, it had just tumbled down on her, and even now, mad as she was at his leaving, it was still there. Glowing incandescently, tarnished but still golden. Stefan pulled up outside the bar and parked all too soon, turning to her once he’d turned the car off.

“I’ll wait here; keep an eye on the street. Text me if you need help inside. Good luck, Kenzi.” He smiled warmly, and she was glad he was there.

Stefan had been her first guard and had been with her from the beginning. He let her away with murder but never slipped up in his duties.

“Thank you, Stefan. I’ll message you once I’m ready to leave.”

He nodded as she jumped out of the car, shut the door, and ran over to the entrance of the bar. She stared at the worn door. Ignoring the low drone of paranoia that she had been spotted, she drew in a tight breath and schooled her features into blank indifference as she pushed it open. Stepping inside that stuffy, dark bar, her eyes skipped over the few patrons in the front section. She couldn’t see him, and her pulse ratcheted up as she realized he was through the back in their private booth. The bartender had been cleaning a glass when she’d walked in. Now, he’d frozen in place, almost comically, as the hand holding the cloth hovered in mid-air. She met his eye, holding her index finger to her lips, and shook her head, eyes pleading until he nodded once and went back to cleaning. Praying he wouldn’t try to make a quick buck by tipping off the paparazzi, she hurried through the swing door leading to the darker, more private area.

Her eyes struggled to adjust to the dim red lighting as her gaze swung from side to side. Aside from the drunk couple snoring in the back corner, she saw only one dark-haired man. His head popped above the booth, and her breath stalled, but her feet didn’t as she moved without thinking. She rounded the table, catching sight of his profile as he sipped on a glass of whisky. He would have seen her before he looked at her, but the slow torturous seconds as he turned to her, lapis eyes widening a fraction as he took her in and saw no disguise made her smirk in satisfaction as she took a seat beside him. If she sat across from him, he could run again, and she was not letting him get away until they’d sorted this.

Jake shuffled down so she had room and slid a full glass along to her. Seeing it was an Old Fashioned, her hope grew brighter as she picked it up and downed it in one, ignoring the tremor in her hand as she sat it down with a clunk. He chuckled, the sound so familiar and alluring that she crossed her legs and turned to him, finding him watching her. She waited him out, could see the thoughts run across his face, and wanted him to give them life. She didn’t have to wait long.

“I didn’t think you’d actually come.” He said, barely audible over the music coming from the bar speakers.

“I had to see for my own eyes if you’d face me or run.” She replied acidly, cutting him a gimlet eye as he cringed and nodded.

“I deserved that.” He muttered and tossed back the contents of his glass, edging closer so they’d thighs pressed together, and she had to cling to her anger, ignoring the frisson of static running through her at the contact.

He was dressed casually. Dark jeans, a black hoody, and a pair of Nikes. His hair was tousled carelessly as if he’d been running his fingers through it repeatedly, and the dark shadows under his eyes looked like sooty thumbprints. It pleased her to know the thought of her kept him up at night, and it made her feel brave when he turned the full power of his polished sapphire eyes on her. Framed by a fan of thick black lashes, she saw all of her hurt and yearning mirrored back in those eyes. It settled something in her, and the bar suddenly felt like home. Her righteous anger smoked and crackled, trying to ignite a wildfire, but relief kept it from spreading as his hand settled over hers.

“I am sorry. You - it - I didn’t run from you. I ran from the look on your face when you realized people were going to find out.” He whispered, coming so close he went out of focus.

“That look was because I knew that the second people found out, they’d chase you away. But you did it all by yourself.” It was a low blow and not the entire truth. She had tried to protect them and herself by keeping him a secret. But no one liked being hidden away, only taken out and enjoyed in private and ignored in public, like she was ashamed of him. Her life wasn’t her own. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t keep things just for herself, and she saw now it had hurt him. Her heart and mind were on opposite teams. Half of her wanted to climb in his lap and smooth the frown between his eyes. The other half wanted to make him feel the hurt, shame, and despair she'd been buried under for weeks. It confused her, so she did nothing as Jake laid all his cards on the table.

“We both fucked up. I should have quit the second I crossed that line, and you became more than a job to me. We were both at fault. I want to fix it, Kenzi. How do we do that?”

She glanced at their empty glasses, sighing as she replied, “I think we'll need more drinks if we are to figure that out.” She rose from her chair and ignored his quizzical look as she headed to the bar and grabbed the barkeep's attention. Once she had their drinks, leaving a hefty tip for the bartender in the hopes he'd keep his mouth shut about her being there, she returned to the table and slid Jake's drink over to him before she plopped back down beside him. She sipped it demurely and turned to him, eyes catching on his hands, long fingers wrapped around the cold glass, and was assaulted by lusty memories of those fingers in or on her body. He didn't notice her distraction as he eyed the amber liquid in the glass.

“What do you mean by 'fix' this?” She questioned, there were many ways to fix this. Only one would be worthy of a song.

Sapphire eyes pinned her in place. Roiling waters and deep regret in them made her freeze and brace herself for his rejection.

“I don't want to play games, Kenzi. I want to be with you. I don't want to walk behind you anymore.”

And there it was. Her mother's advice floated through her head, given to her years before, but it still fit. *May your heart remain breakable, but never by the same hand twice. It was sage advice, and she'd followed it religiously since it had been gifted to her, but her instinct now wasn't to flee. No, the look in his eyes and the earnest expression on his handsome face all spoke to the tiny flame of hope flickering in her chest as time spun out and the bar around them blurred in her periphery. What if he left her and spilled their secrets to the world? What if she left him and he still did that? It was a possibility with anyone she dated, but seeing the thoughts on his face, she knew somehow that he would never do that to her. No matter if they went down in flames or ended up in paradise, she felt it would be worth whatever pain it inevitably caused.

“How would that work? You have to work, and I will go on tour again. We'll never see each other.” There was a train filled with baggage that came along with dating her, he knew how insane it could get, but he was there anyway, waiting for his ticket to board.

He shrugged, gave her that familiar crooked smile, and murmured, “You can't plan for everything. We just have to try... Do you want to try?”

A deep breath, eyes locked on his as she smiled slowly, “I need to know something before I say yes,” She tilted her head, swirling her finger around the rim of her glass as he watched her intently, another breath before she went on, “Are you sure you even want to? You've seen what my life is like. Once the world knows about us, you will never be alone, no matter where you go. We will be watched and hunted. It will be unbearable for a while until they get tired of us. Are you ready for that? I can't stand waiting for you to bolt whenever something happens.”

“I know what will happen. I don't give a fuck. These last few weeks... I got a taste of what life would be like without you in it. I've hated every moment of it. I want you. The rest is just noise.”

It was true for her too. Those hazy, desire fuelled weeks with him had felt like a lightning strike, explosive and rare, and she hadn't been the same since. Nothing had felt right after he left, and she was going through the motions, a puppet on strings as she pretended she was okay and ignored the blackened smoking ruin in her chest where her heart used to be. An invisible hand slowly stitched that wound closed as she saw the want and hope in his gaze. A scar would remain, but scar tissue was stronger, a reminder she could move forward. She finished her drink and set the glass down.

“Okay. Let's try. I want you -” She never got a chance to finish, his hands cupped her face, and his mouth was on hers before the words could fall from her tongue.

Whisky was all she could taste as euphoria blasted through her, and she slid her hands into his hair to tug him closer. Biting teeth and bristled lips scratching her mouth, the bold stroke of his tongue obliterated the melancholy still hanging over her from these past few weeks. It was replaced with joy so dizzying she started laughing into the kiss, unable to stop her beaming smile as he chuckled and pulled back.

She was warm all over. The alcohol in her veins loosened her already loose inhibitions, and giddiness rode her hard as they stared at each other. It felt like an invisible golden cord had wrapped around them both. She wasn't sure how long it had been there, tugging them out of the wrong arms and toward each other, but it felt familiar enough that she knew it had existed for a long time. He took her hand in his, twining their fingers together, and let them rest on the table. That small touch shouldn’t have felt as intense as it did like her skin had been charged with frenetic energy, and she couldn’t sit still.

They talked for ages. Not even noticing as the drunk couple left the room and they were alone. He told her how much he’d missed her, how many times he’d dialed her number and couldn’t press the call button. She told him of the letters she wrote, the ones she’d sent straight into the fire instead of the mailbox. She told him how often she’d woken in the middle of the night, feeling like her room was filled with smoke as she paced the floors and wondered if she was fated to lose everything she loved. It was easy to tell him of the times she'd lost someone to the monster of her fame, and it was even easier to listen as he told her wasn't afraid of any of it. And she believed him. He only seemed to fear the effect it had on her. While she worried about his reaction, he had been worrying about hers, and if they'd shared their fears, maybe it would have gone differently. But they hadn't and could only make up for it right then. The scent of beer and whisky was strong in her nose in that dingy bar, and it felt more like hallowed ground as they talked.

He touched her through it all. His weighty hand lay on her thigh, fingers teasing her bare skin as she talked, and it took all her concentration not to react to it. She was feeling quite tipsy by then. The bartender kept bringing them drinks whenever he noticed they were done. Jake's pupils dilated as she sipped her fifth drink, eyes locked on her mouth as she licked her lip and put her glass down. His fingers climbed higher, inching up her inner thigh as he leaned in close, ran his nose up the column on her neck, and whispered in her ear.

“We should get out of here. Wait here, and I'll take you home when I come back.”

She frowned at first, brain slow on the draw until he stood, and she understood. Kenzi got up and stepped out of his way, shivering as he brushed a hand down her arm as he moved by her on his way to the bathroom. There was a mere second of thought, and no conscious decision had actually been made before her feet were moving. She followed after him, heart beating wildly in her throat as she stumbled into the hallway and saw him disappear inside the bathroom. She waited a few slow, torturous minutes before creeping down the hall, letting herself inside, and sliding the lock so no one could get a free show. Jake was washing his hands and smirking at her in the mirror as she approached.

“This is the men’s bathroom, Kenzi.” He pointed out as she put her back to the mirror, leaning against the sink and shrugging carelessly.

“Is it? I hadn’t noticed,” she arched a brow at the urinals to make him snort as he dried his hands with a paper towel.

“Cheeky, am I right in thinking you don’t need the bathroom?” He joked, a familiar glint in his eye as he crowed in close, nudging her legs apart with a knee and planting his hands on the sinks on either side of her body as he towered over her.

He didn’t touch her, but he didn’t have to. She felt him all the same as she crooned, “Oh, I need to use it, just not for its intended purpose.”

Jake chuckled, head lowering to breathe her in as he teased her, “What would the media think of that?”

She let go of the sink, sliding her hands up his shirt-covered chest and digging her nails into his shoulders, tilting her head back as she purred, “If you fuck me, you won't care what they think.”

A groan, his knuckles bleached white as he gripped the sinks tight, and his knee pressed into her already slick cunt as tension grew so heavy it was a weight on her chest while she waited for his move. His eyes had gone black, lips curled in a cocky smirk that made her glad she’d forgone underwear, and she knew she’d won when he licked his plush bottom lip a second before his mouth crashed to hers. Frantic, messy, and hungry, she clung to his neck as he backed them into a stall and locked the door.

She would have kissed him for hours, let the heat build to explosive levels before giving in to the urge to be fucked. But there wasn’t time as her hands dropped to his trousers, unbuckled his belt, and flicked open his fly, hand diving inside to wrap around the heavy hard cock already weeping for her as she swiped her thumb over the tip. He growled into her mouth, fingers digging into her hips and dragging her skimpy dress up to her waist. A shocked grunt when he found her bare, and then the kiss turned biting. The bar music pumped through the bathroom, and tinny speakers filled the room to disguise the noise she would soon make.

Stroking her hand along the length of him, she wriggled in impatience as he squeezed and massaged her ass. She was wet, hot, and working on instinct as she broke free of his sinful mouth, turned her back, and planted her hands on the tiled wall as he swiped a hand down her ass. She sensed him bending down behind her a second before firm fingers wrapped around her ankle and urged her to lift her leg and balance her knee on the lidded toilet. Stifling a giggle as she did as told, she knew if they got caught, she would be burned at the stake, but it only made it more exciting.

As he taunted her, the fat crown of his cock gliding through her saturated folds to tease, she felt a little crazed when his body covered hers. She was ready to snap at him for being cruel when he breached her entrance in one practiced movement. Hands scrabbling over the tile, cunt pulsing in pain and pleasure as he filled her, breathing hard and already whining. His dark laugh in her ear as his arm wound around her, hand dropping between her legs to toy with her clit as he waited for her to calm down.

Once she had stilled, inner walls softening around his cock, he began to move. Fast, hard snaps of his hips that she rolled back into and tensed herself so she felt every delicious inch of him. Her teeth were buried in her bottom lip, afraid the scream crawling up her throat would escape and give them away. His mouth was at her ear, telling her how perfect she felt wrapped around his cock and plucking at the strings of tension in her mind to make her whimper helplessly as he pounded into her. A warbling moan as his fingers circled her swollen clit, his hand came up to smother it, and she could taste herself on his fingers as he ordered her to be quiet.

Her entire body felt like it had just been woken from a deep sleep as he fucked her. The hand around her mouth fell between her thighs once more as she bit down on the inside of her cheek to keep from shouting out. She trembled as his thrusts turned punishing, and her hands slid down the tile, the fingers on her clit making her inner walls clench as her essence stickied her thighs. It felt like a metal spring inside her was being coiled too tight, pressure and pleasure twisting inside her as he fucked her. She had never wanted someone the way she wanted him. No one had ever made her feel this recklessly out of control and safe all at once.

She found it difficult to breathe as he mouthed at her neck, bite marks tattooed her skin, and she knew she wouldn’t be able to hide them. Tensing herself as he slid out, she whined and shook. The rough drag of his cock as he pushed back inside her made her feel delirious, and she was very far from caring about being caught. The hand grasping her hip gripped her tighter as a strangled sound left his mouth, and she smiled, pleased he was just as undone as she. He was addictive, dangerous for her heart, and everything she hadn’t realized she needed. Never before would she have found herself being fucked in a bar bathroom, until him. And she didn’t think she would ever regret it as pleasure seized her like a trap and made her feel boneless.

“Come for me, Kenzi. I can’t hold it back much longer.” Jake muttered, desperate as he nipped at her ear and his hips lunged so hard her teeth rattled.

A distressed whine slipped free as his words settled in her, and wetness flooded from her as his fingers focused relentlessly on her clit. It spread out from her center in deep, fiery ripples, the warning thrum of release, and her body quivered as he felt it and picked up his pace to follow her off the edge. Her cunt gripped him tight. The noises they were making echoed off the walls, but neither cared as lust took control. It felt like stars were dancing across her skin, gooseflesh flaring as she babbled his name and begged for a reprieve from the overwhelming pressure stealing her air and sense.

Her inner walls fluttered, her fingers desperately trying to find something to hold on to as the coil inside her finally snapped, and she screamed soundlessly at the ceiling as pleasure washed through her in glorious heated waves. All the hurt, fear, and worry of the past were cleansed from her body as she trembled and sobbed his name. Sparks ignited into flame, and she gave in to its lovely burn as he cried out and slammed into her one last time, coming hard as she clung to sanity and hoped she’d be able to walk out of that bathroom. He felt right, locked inside her dripping cunt as she possessively drained him to the dregs and enjoyed the aftershocks jumping under her skin.

He slid free of her with a lewd sound and whirled her around to face him, tugging her dress back down before he kissed her soundly. Relief and love were on his tongue, he never said the words, but she tasted them and fed them back to him. She pressed her thighs together, oversensitive flesh still echoing with his touch as she felt his come slip free of her body. That bathroom stall felt like heaven to her, and she was almost sad when he pulled away and unlocked the door. They agreed he would leave first and wait for her, and her smile never faltered as he slipped out of the bathroom, and she hurriedly cleaned herself up as best she could before following after him.

When she returned to their table and checked her phone, her heart jumped as she saw the time. She had to get home before anyone noticed she was gone, but she didn’t want to leave him yet. Instead, she met his eye as he finished his drink and took a deep breath before offering her home to him.

“I have to go. I want you to come with me.”

Jake arched a brow and said, “Are you sure? How will you explain my being there tomorrow?”

She laughed, tossing her hair over her shoulder as she grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the booth.

“Haven’t you heard? I’m the boss. I don’t have to explain anything.”

He opened his mouth to argue, but she wouldn’t hear it, not tonight, and led him into the main bar. It was almost empty now. Only one snoozing patron perched at the bar as she waved at the bartender and made a mental note to send him something for not tipping off the paparazzi that she was there. As they left the bar, she spied Stefan getting out of the car to open the back door for them, and he was grinning at Jake, at her as he did. Jake nodded to her guard, and Stefan clapped him on the back before he shut the door and got in the driver's side. As the black, soundproof partition slowly ascended, blocking Stefan from view and they were effectively alone, she climbed into Jake's lap and kissed him.

It was the fastest, most exhilarating car ride she’d ever had as their greedy hands roamed and hungry mouths stole each other's breath. She was a wanton brazen woman under his care and watchful gaze. Shameless as she touched and tasted and took everything he was willing to give her. They said the wicked got no rest, and she was more than willing to test that theory as Stefan drove into the underground parking garage and tapped on the partition. Reluctantly, she parted from Jake’s lips and spoke into his mouth.

“Come on, I want you in my bed for the foreseeable future, and if the neighbors don’t complain, we’ll stay there until they do.”

“Is that a challenge?” He rasped, trying to chase her mouth with his, but she managed to stay away as she untangled herself from him and opened the car door.

“It is. Do you accept?”

His ocean eyes were full of nothing but joy and delicate love as he nodded and said, “Always,” and took her hand, leading the way to the elevator.

***

A month of blissful, sinful time together flew by much too fast before the news broke and their private little opaque bubble burst, and her secret bedroom oasis was their salvation as the world clamored to snap the first pictures of the happy couple. Instead of regret, panic, and fear, she only felt certain and strong under the scrutiny of millions. Everything she had been afraid of happening when everyone found out had already happened, and she would not allow anything to steal her happiness. Jake took it in his stride, much to her surprise. He was very quiet, awkward around too many people, and preferred being alone with her than doing anything else. But her fears he would bolt were now nonexistent, and her old insecurities grew quieter with every passing day.

The month they had together before everyone found out had helped. Late nights sharing ice cream and dreams had ironed out the many creases in their relationship. He knew she could never give him peace, she could give him the world on a plate but never peace. And he had reassured her that no matter what or where they were, she was his peace, and they could withstand anything thrown at them. She felt like she was sixteen again, utterly obsessed with him, and he was with her. Her heart skipped a beat every time she heard his footsteps on the stairs. He still worked for another client, someone she knew in the industry, but he always came home to her.

Her team hadn't been happy the day after that night at the bar, but they had agreed to relax their surveillance a little since Jake would protect her wherever they went. Stefan's words had rung true for all of them. No one would protect her better than the man head over heels in love with her. And Jake Donfort let nothing near her whenever they were out on a date. Her mother had at first been furious Kenzi had risked a media firestorm that night, but it quickly fizzled out after Kenzi assured her all had gone well. Her mom was still wary of Jake, as she was with all her past loves, but she was warming up to his calm demeanor.

When she and Jake weren't together, she was in the studio or at home writing or planning. She was too busy to worry about what the naysayers were doing, and it was oddly liberating for her, who was damned if she cared and damned if she didn't. Jake was always the first person she would play new songs for, and when she finally dragged up the courage to ask him a question she had been itching to ask, she felt like she could fly.

“How would you feel if I wrote a song about you?” She had whispered under the covers and hoped he wouldn't hear the hitch in her voice as nerves threatened to steal her ability to talk.

He laughed softly and said, “I think that would be alright.”

And it had been more than alright when she finished it and played it for him. He hadn't given her the chance to set down her guitar before he was on her, and she grinned and pressed her thighs together whenever she heard the song in public. When the invite came, and his name was on it, she had told him they didn't have to go. They didn't have to give them official photos of them together if he wasn't comfortable. But he'd shook his head, told her to accept, and all too soon, they found themselves waiting to walk the red carpet.

Her hands were clammy as she fidgeted with her gown, hoping she wouldn't trip on the long train or break her ankle in her too-high heels. Jake looked dapper and far too distracting in his tux. He eyed her twitchy, edgy movements with a cocked brow and reached out to grab her hand when she lifted it to bite her nails.

“Calm down. You look like you're getting ready to walk into battle.” He whispered, squeezing her hand and kissing her temple as she sighed and forced herself not to pick at the lace on her dress.

“I'm nervous. They like to shout things at you to get a good reaction. I don't want to hear the same old jokes.” She said, already hearing the calls of, “Kenzi! Will you write a song when he leaves you?” that they so loved to throw her way.

Jake scoffed, letting go of her hand to wrap his arm around her, mouth pressing against the shell of her ear so only she would hear, “Ignore it. When we get home, I plan to spend hours between your thighs to make you forget all about them.”

She shuddered, swallowing hard as she slowly turned her head to meet his blazing eyes, “You're a cruel man, Jake. How am I supposed to get through this with that in my head?”

He chuckled, “You better think fast. We're up next.”

Startled, she looked over at the now open door and shook her head, grateful he'd distracted her from fretting, but now she just wanted to go home. Still, this was their debut, their show of unity, and his induction into her sparkling world. Adventures of the carnal kind would have to wait as she took his hand in hers, looked up, and smiled at the man who had turned her life upside down.

“Are you ready?”

“For you? Always.” He returned, and they walked out into the blinding array of cameramen and women together.

They were halfway down the carpet, posing for more photos, when he bent down and said the words she'd been dying to hear from him.

“I love you. No matter what happens around us, that will always be true.”

The photos of that moment would be printed and framed, hung on her bedroom wall as a reminder they could face anything together. And she loved him more than she could put into words. Her dazzling, watery smile in those photos had been answer enough for him, but she had managed to say it out loud once they were seated inside the venue, and neither had stayed long after that. If they got burned at the end of it all, at least they could say they had been electrified and wanted each other so much that nothing else mattered. They had been brave enough to try. They were lucky. Many people never got to experience a lightning strike twice, and she would cling to that when the world tried to break them. She would protect them as best she could while she was lucky enough to live her dreams and come home to the man she loved. It was more than she’d ever hoped for and she’d go down swinging to keep it.

*****

Thank you for reading! If you like, reblog, or comment, you are a star, and I am so grateful to you as it helps me so much. Thank you.

*Also this line; May your heart remain breakable, but never by the same hand twice. - It is from a poem Taylor Swift wrote, it is not mine, but it fits the moment for me.

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