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justagalwhowrites · 2 days

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Yearling - Ch. 34: Anything

You're left behind in Jackson when Joel goes on overnight patrol. A continuation of Yearling ch. 1-33 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Canon-typical violence. Smut :). No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only

Length: 9.2k

A/N: We are heading into the final arc of Yearling and we are going to see some TLOU 2 OVERLAP again. There isn't any this chapter but there will be in this arc and here's how: a character from that game will be mentioned as will the spoiler-y incident from a few chapters ago. What happens plot wise in this arc is completely separate from the game and entirely original content BUT there is that character overlap and more specific mentions of the incident and the motives behind it. If you're trying to go in blind to season 2, it might be wise to step back. Feel free to send me a DM, I'm happy to answer any and all questions!

AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter

September, 2013

The gunshot made you jump.

It was distant but sharp, the crack jarring against the quiet of your cabin. Marisa’s head shot up from her book, a frown on her face in the flickering firelight.

“Was that…”

“Shhh,” you sat up from where you’d been lying against her, held a hand out to her, ear perked and listening. Another crack, a little louder this time. You set your book down and went to the front window, drawing the curtains and pinning them shut so no light from the fire would slip through.

“What…”

“Stay here,” you said, your heart pounding as you got your rifle off the wall.

“You’re not going out there!” She shot up, her eyes wide.

“Not gonna sit here and wait for whoever that is to show up at our door,” you replied, grabbing a flashlight, too.

“Well, I’m going with you,” she said, going to get her gun, too.

“No,” you said, grabbing a saddle bag with ammunition and turning to face her.

“Yes, I am,” she narrowed her eyes at you but there was a tremble of fear in her voice, her rifle clutched tightly in her hand.

“No,” you said quietly, reaching out and gently taking her face in your hand. “You’re not. You’re staying here to look after Savannah…”

“But what if something happens to you?” Her eyes searched yours, wide and frantic. “You’re her mom, not me. I can’t be that for her like that, just… stay here, we’ll figure it out if they find us just…”

“Not lettin’ them that close to the two of you, baby,” you said, brushing your thumb over the arch of her cheekbone. You kissed her gently. Her eyes were wet. “I’ll be back soon. But… if I’m not, take care of Savannah for me.”

You didn’t wait for a response, going to jump on Nike, not bothering with a saddle. You were too afraid to take the time, you had to protect the people who had become your home. You couldn’t lose them, you couldn’t let anyone take them away, you had to make sure they were safe.

There was another gunshot and you followed the sound, your heart racing, eventually finding a man with two infected nearly ripping him apart. You shot them quickly, the man’s fearful gasps loud in the night.

“Fuck,” he panted as you turned on the flashlight, shining it around the nearby forest. You caught a glimpse of another infected on the ground about 20 feet away before turning the light on him. He was limp on the ground, his eyes wide. “I think I’m bit, I think… I think they got me.”

You knelt beside him and looked at his exposed skin. There was a vicious bite on his hand, the flesh already looking sick and wrong and so like Justin’s bite all those years ago.

You sighed.

“Yeah, you are. I can make it quick for you, if you’d like. Can’t let you leave here, though. You can wait ’til you turn, if you’d rather.”

He blinked a few times, staring up at the dark canopy of trees as moonlight filtered through the leaves.

“Just do it,” he said, turning his eyes to you, cocking his head slightly. “Is it just you out here?”

“Kind of,” you said. “Got my girlfriend, my daughter. No one else, though.”

He looked back to the sky and nodded.

“That’s good,” he said. “It’s hard, being alone. Been alone for a few months now, wife got bit back in June. Should’ve just ended it then, don’t know why I waited this long.”

You nodded slowly. You understood that. You stood up again, rifle in your hand. The man’s eyes were still wide, looking up at the trees.

“Here OK?” You asked. “Might be able to get you somewhere you can see the sky…”

“No point,” he said, still staring up. “Just do it.”

His eyes refocused, looking at you.

“And thank you. Know it’s not easy.”

You aimed the gun at his head and he went back to looking at the trees.

“I’m sorry it’s endin’ like this,” you said. “Hope you get to be with your wife again.”

“Yeah,” he whispered. “Me too.”

You took a deep breath, pulled the trigger and he was gone.

You stayed for a little while after, waiting to see if there were any clickers that would come for the noise you’d been making but none showed up. You realized you didn’t even know the man’s name. You were the last person he spoke to and you didn’t know his name.

You cleaned the blood off your hands as best you could and made your way back home, Nike moving slowly through the trees and you didn’t rush her. When you opened the door, Marisa damn near knocked you down, you barely catching her as she threw herself at you.

“You’re OK,” her voice was thick and wet and she clung to you for a moment before pulling back to look in your eyes. “I was so scared, I heard more gunshots, I didn’t know…”

“I’m sorry, baby,” you said gently, kissing her, her lips plush and soft on yours. “Didn’t mean to scare you…”

You got cleaned up and took her to bed and made her come on your fingers before she had to swallow the desperate sounds of your orgasm to keep from waking the baby. You held her close after, telling her what happened in the forest, that you’d go bury the body in the morning and do a check for infected, that she was safe here with you.

“I think you’re the bravest person I’ve ever met,” she said quietly, toying with your fingers, her breath warm on your skin as she lay her head on your chest.

You scoffed.

“Don’t feel very brave. I was scared shitless the whole time, thought my damn heart was going to beat out of my chest.”

“Oh baby,” she whispered, adjusting so her face was over yours, the light of the moon making her dark skin glow. “That’s what makes you brave, that you’re scared and you do it anyway. You don’t let the fear own you. That’s why you’re going to make it through all this, I just know it.”

You hummed, not really agreeing or disagreeing, just wanting her close again. She rested her head on your chest again and you gave her a squeeze, focusing on how she felt against you as she fell asleep.

It didn’t really matter if it was bravery or not, you supposed. If it kept the people you loved most alive, you could push past the fear. Life wouldn’t matter without them, you would do anything if it meant it would protect them.

Anything.

May, 2028

“No way.”

You cleaned the last of the gunk out from Shimmer’s back left hoof and set the pick down.

“Bambi,” Ellie drew out your hame, whining it. “Please? I swear, I’ll owe you forever��”

“I am not coming out to your dad for you,” you grabbed the file. “Absolutely not.”

“But…”

“Ellie,” you looked up to her as she perched on a stall in the barn. “No. That’s not something you just do for someone else. If you want Joel to know you’re gay you need to be the one to tell him, I can’t do that for you.”

“But why not!” She pouted. “You already know and you get it and you can help him get it and…”

“I’ll help you do it,” you cut her off. “I can be there when you tell him, I can intervene if he reacts badly - which he won’t - but I’m not doing it for you.”

“That’s bullshit,” she huffed. “I don’t want to tell him…”

“Then don’t,” you shrugged, finishing filing the hoof down and getting the next horseshoe ready to go on. “Live the rest of your life in the closet if that’s what you want to do.”

“But that’s not what I want.”

“Then tell him,” you shrugged again. “Those are your options, kiddo, hate to break it to you.”

“You know, straight people don’t have to come out,” she kicked at the stall post. “This is dumb.”

“That I can agree with,” you said. “But, unfortunately, that’s not the way the world works. If you want to be out, you need to come out. It sucks but that’s the way of things.”

Ellie sighed and crossed her arms, leaning her head on the post at her back.

“Do you really think I should?” She asked.

You shrugged.

“I think you have a father who loves you more than life itself,” you said. “And I think he’s also a man who has proven that he really does not care what a person’s sexuality is, given that he’s married to me. I think you should do what feels right but you should know that Joel is going to love you to pieces regardless.”

She sighed again.

“You’re right…”

“Usually am.”

She glared at you before going back to staring straight ahead.

“I just don’t know why I’m so freaked out about it.”

You shrugged.

“It’s a big deal. You’re telling him ‘hey this person you think I am? I’m actually different than that.’ It’s hard.”

She considered you for a moment.

“Did you come out to your parents?” She asked.

You laughed.

“No, I did not,” you said. “Never had the chance. I would have eventually, I think. But I was about your age when the world ended and it felt a lot safer to hide it from my parents when I was that age. I lived far away and they weren’t as… open to other ideas as Joel is.”

Ellie scoffed.

“I mean it,” you said. “They had a hard enough time handling the fact that I wanted to get thrown off horses for a living. They’d have had a hell of a time understanding why I was bringing a girl home for dinner. You know Joel ain’t that way. All he cares about is that you’re safe and happy. Everything else don’t really matter.”

You finished shoeing Shimmer and set her hoof down. She twitched her tail and chuffed in response.

“Can you at least tell Joel you gave me…” She scrunched her nose in disgust. “The talk?”

You laughed a little.

“Yeah, that I can do,” you said. “I’ll tell him I told you everything you need to know. Which is be smart about who you take your clothes off with and if a man ever tries anything, cut his dick off.”

She barked a laugh.

“Yeah, that I can handle,” she said. “I can’t believe he thought someone needed to talk to me about sex…”

You were less surprised about that fact than Ellie, but then, you had the full context.

You’d been watching Savvy and Kyle from what you hoped was a respectful distance, giving her the chance to fall for a boy in the way you always wanted her to be able to. But there was the other part of that, too. You knew what teenagers were like and, while Savvy knew about sex, you’d never given her the sex talk in the context of her being around boys. She had questions about seeing animals mating when she was a girl and you’d answered them and explained that humans worked much the same way. She’d scrunched her face in disgust and you laughed a little, not bothering to tell her that, one day, that was going to be damn near all she was interested in doing.

But that had come with the knowledge that, in all likelihood, it would be years - if not decades - before she even had the opportunity to find someone she wanted to do that with. You figured you’d update things as she got older or when there was a person she was interested in.

Now, the time had come. You just weren’t sure how ready you were for that. You’d gone to Joel for advice about it, feeling like you were flying particularly blind in this arena.

“There were perks to being hermits,” you sighed, pressing yourself closer to him. “Didn’t have to worry about my kid getting knocked up as a teenager for one.”

“Mmm,” Joel hummed in agreement. “Least she has boys to flirt with now.”

“You say that like it’s a good thing,” you muttered but smiled against his skin all the same.

“I can talk to her with you if you think it’ll help,” he said.

“Let me give it a shot on my own,” you sighed. “See if she will actually listen to me. If she doesn’t, I’ll call in the reinforcements.”

Savvy had, mercifully, been at least open to the conversation.

“I already know this stuff, Mom,” she’d rolled her eyes, arms crossed as she sat on the couch.

“You know the biology of it,” you said. “But it’s… different. You’re older now, there are going to be feelings you have that you want to act on…”

“Ugh!” She buried her face in the arm of the couch. “Please don’t!”

“You’re young,” you said. “Too young to really understand the risks. Do you feel like you’re ready to raise a child?”

“No!” She pulled her head up. “Obviously not!”

“Then you shouldn’t be having sex right now,” you shrugged. “That’s the risk. Not to mention that there are a lot of emotions that come up when you do that with someone, it can complicate relationships and you’re too young to figure that out on your own…”

“I’m not a baby,” she practically scowled at you. “I can handle emotions!”

“I’m not saying you can’t,” you said gently. “I’m saying that adult relationships are complicated for adults and, as grown up as you might think you are, you’re still a kid. I understand that you might want to feel close with someone and, honestly, there’s not much I can do to stop you. But I want you to understand what you’re risking if you go that route and I want you to not let anyone pressure you into it, even if it’s someone you care about. OK?”

“Alright, jeez!” She groaned. “Can we stop talking now? Please?”

After that conversation, though, Joel became worried about how much time Ellie was spending with Jesse.

“Never really thought about what she did or didn’t learn in the QZ,” Joel said gruffly that night when it was just the two of you. “What if she don’t know how to keep herself safe?”

“I don’t think you have much to worry about,” you said, trying to avoid telling Joel exactly why he didn’t need to worry.

“Would you be OK talkin’ with her for me?” He’d winced as he asked it. “Feel like you’re her mom, think she’d be a little more… receptive to it coming from another woman.”

You’d said yes more to buy time than anything else.

You weren’t thrilled about the idea of lying to your husband but you could tap dance around the truth of it well enough. At least, that’s what you were telling yourself.

“While you’re trying to decide whether or not you want to tell your dad,” you said, getting up to lead Shimmer to her stall. “Think I’m going to call in that favor you owe me…”

“What favor?” She demanded. “You’re not telling him for me!”

“No,” you shook your head. “But I’m also not telling him that I didn’t give you the talk and he needs to do it himself…”

“Jesus…”

“So,” you continued. “Can I ask you to keep a closer eye on Savvy while Joel is out on patrol the next few days? She’s still… more comfortable talking with him than with me. Want to make sure she’s doin’ OK…”

“Of course I will,” she said, relaxing a little. “You know, I still think…”

“Ellie.”

“I’m just saying!” She said. “I know she’s doing her best to move past shit, she really is, but it would be a lot easier if she knew what she was actually moving past, that’s all I’m saying.”

“She’s getting there,” you said, giving Shimmer a scratch. “You don’t understand this yet but it’s hard when you know you can’t protect your child from everything. I can protect her from this.”

“Whatever you say,” she rolled her eyes. “I’m going to the mess hall. As far as Joel knows, you’ve talked to me, right?”

“Right,” you said. “Feel free to act all awkward and lay it on real thick…”

“Alright, bye,” she rolled her eyes and stalked off and you laughed, watching her leave.

It was good to see Ellie acting like she normally did. You knew she was worried about Joel going out on a longer patrol, too.

You were trying not to panic about it. It was time. Consciously, you knew that. He was ready for it, his body as healed as it would ever be. He still had a bit of a limp - one you knew he tried to disguise when he thought you were watching - but he was fully capable. You’d seen it on patrol with him the two times you’d gone, the second one thankfully far less eventful than the first.

He’d since gone out just him and Tommy, never going too far from Jackson. It still made you nervous, even though he always came back whole and well. You always clung to him when he got back and he let you, holding you against him, a hand running soothingly up and down your spine as he did.

But this was his first overnight patrol. He was going to be gone for a few days on a route that had been calm lately, you knew you didn’t have much reason to worry. That didn’t make it much easier.

“What’s got those wheels turnin’?”

Joel’s voice made you jump as you brushed Shimmer down in her stall. He was leaning against the entrance to the stable, arms crossed over his broad chest as he watched you, his denim shirt rolled up to his elbows.

“Who said they were?” You asked, giving the horse a final brush before leaving the stall and walking up to your husband, your own arms crossed over your chest. He smiled and quirked his jaw, shaking his head ever so slightly. “What brings you here, cowboy?”

“Tryin’ to get my wife all to myself for a bit,” he said. “Think I can entice you away from the mess hall for the evening?”

“I dunno,” you stepped closer. “What’d you have in mind?”

He shrugged.

“Just have to see.”

You laughed, dropping your arms and the pretense.

“Lead the way.”

He draped an arm around your shoulders and pulled you in to kiss your temple before walking slowly back to your house. When you stopped to think about it, it still struck you as funny that it was your house and that you thought of it that way and not as Joel’s place. But you did, it was the place you’d made your life together, feeling more like you belonged here than you had almost anywhere else you had ever lived.

When you got in the door, there was a small bouquet of wildflowers in a glass in the middle of the kitchen table, a table that was set for dinner for two. You looked at him, brows raised in surprise.

“What’s this?”

He shrugged, a sly smile on his face.

“Wanted a night in with my girl. Might have talked my way into a steak or two. Think you take yours… medium rare, right?”

“Yeah,” you laughed. “I do.”

“Well,” he pulled you in for a long, deep kiss. “Why don’t you go get cleaned up and when you’re done, there’ll be a medium-rare steak waitin’ here for ya.”

“Think I can be convinced,” you smiled against his mouth before kissing him again. “Feel like you’re butterin’ me up or something here…”

“Just tryin’ to make sure you remember why you’re married to me while I’m gone,” he said. “Try to keep you from getting too fed up with my shit…” You laughed and he smiled. “Go on so I can get this going, you’re too distracting standing this close.”

You rolled your eyes but obeyed, going to shower and, instead of putting on jeans or sweats after, finding one of the dresses in your closet, one that Joel had never seen you in. You got your wet hair out of the way and went downstairs again, strangely aware of how the dress hugged your curves.

Joel’s back was to you when you came in but the plates were on the table, steak and green beans and a pile of fresh potato chips on each one.

“Are you kidding me?” You gaped at them. “You realize we’re already married, right? You don’t have to try this hard.”

“Like tryin’ hard for you,” he turned around, glasses in hand, and his mouth fell open, blinking a few times in surprise. “Hot damn, baby…”

“Shocking, know,” you smirked.

“I ever tell you you’re the most beautiful goddamn thing I’ve ever seen?” He asked, setting a glass down at your place. “Now, let me feed you before I change my mind and try to pull that dress off right here in the kitchen.”

Joel really did grill a mean steak. He’d even made the two of you whiskey cocktails with a recipe he’d gotten from Julie and, by the time dinner was done, you were pleasantly tipsy and full.

“Where did you get the flowers?” You asked, trailing your fingertips over the tiny white blooms.

“Might have gone outside for a bit,” he winced a little. You raised your eyebrows. “Not far, the kids in town sneak out that way all the time…”

“Wait, what?” You gaped at him, practically jumping out of your seat.

“Not Savvy and not Ellie,” he said quickly and you settled. “Made sure they know better. But lot of the other kids do. S’pretty out that way, have to take you sometime. Still owe you a trip to the lake. But, in the mean time…” he got up and offered you his hand, pulling you to your feet. “I’ve got someplace to take you tonight.”

He led you to the living room, a nest of pillows and blankets and sleeping bags set up in front of the TV.

“Just one second…” he turned the TV on, the opening sepia toned shot from Titanic on the screen.

“Joel!” You gasped. “Where’d you even get this?”

“Asked around,” he smiled. “Would’ve gone and hunted it down just to see you get all excited though.”

You elbowed him lightly in the side and he laughed as the two of you settled into the pile on the floor, you in Joel’s arms with your head on his chest as his fingers trailed up and down the bare skin of your arm.

The movie was just as good as the last time you’d seen it with Joel. Better, really, because you got to watch it pressed completely against his broad, strong body. But you could only really pay attention so long, twisting in his hold so you were looking at him and not the screen.

“Know it ain’t exactly a date like before,” he said softly. “But… I do OK?”

“Oh you blew past OK a while ago,” you laughed a little and he smiled. “This was… thank you, Joel.”

“Course, baby,” he trailed his fingers over the outline of your face. “Gonna miss you when I’m out there.”

“You could just not go,” you said. “Don’t think anyone’s holdin’ a gun to your head about it…”

He laughed once, softly.

“I know,” he said. “But… I do appreciate you lettin’ me go. I know it ain’t easy for you. Don’t blame you for it. But I’m feeling a lot more like myself since I’ve been patrollin’ again. I feel useful. I missed it. Thank you for letting me find that again.”

Your eyes searched his. You couldn’t really argue that with him, not when he was being so damn open and honest about it.

“Just need you to come home to me,” you said quietly. “You can have and do whatever you want, long as you come home.”

“Long as you’re here to come home to?” He said. “I’m comin’ home. Every time.”

He kissed you, gentle at first but deepening, until he was shoving your skirt around your waist and pulling your underwear down your legs. He sank into you, slow and firm, his breaths heavy and hot on your skin. You sank your fingers into is skin, holding him close and tight and the worries you had about clutching onto him too hard were far away.

Joel kept his pace, his body so large and strong on top of and inside of yours. You could feel his heartbeat, his eyes locked on your own and you focused on how close he was to you, how you knew he was safe and whole like this. How you knew he wouldn’t lie to you, that he would do everything to come back home to you. Your body got tight and needy, the heat inside you pulling into the center of you and burning hotter and brighter with every desperate stroke.

“You’re gettin’ close baby,” he pressed his mouth into your throat, nipping at the tender flesh there before soothing it with a brush of his tongue and a kiss. “Want you to come for me. Love makin’ you feel good, fuckin’ live for it…”

“Promise it’s not the last time,” your voice was tight, too, the intensity of your orgasm crashing into the fear that you couldn’t seem to shake.

“Promise,” he pulled back from you enough to look in your eyes again, his large hand coming to cradle the crown of your head. “Nothing’s keepin’ me from you, baby, nothin’, it’s OK, it’ll be OK, promise it will…”

Your back arched, last ounces of tension gripping you for a moment before releasing in a forceful, desperate wave.

“Fuck, there you are,” Joel panted, fucking you through it, never easing, chasing his own orgasm through yours. “Feel so good, so goddamn good, fuck, that’s it, keep comin’ for me, know you can…”

As your own orgasm started to ease, his took hold, pressing himself deep inside and emptying himself into you there.

Joel pulled himself from your fucked out body with a groan and collapsed beside you, immediately pulling you tightly to him as you gasped short, shaky breaths.

“You’re OK,” he said gently, still breathing heavy himself. “I’ve got you, s’alright…”

You buried your face in his neck and fought to catch your breath, focusing on his scent and the feel of him against your skin.

“I’m sorry,” you said eventually. “I thought I was stronger than this but ever since… I can’t stop thinking about how close I came to never seeing you again and I just…”

“I know,” he said gently, pulling away from you enough that you could see his face. “I know how you’re feeling. I feel it, too. But I need you to know that I mean it when I say I’m comin’ back. I am, baby.”

You just nodded and focused on the feeling of him tracing the outline of your face in the dim light of the TV, his body close beside your own. He pressed a soft kiss into your lips, holding you closer as he did and staying close after he pulled away, so close that his nose brushed yours. You stayed like that, not bothering to turn to watch the movie let alone put in the second tape when the first one ended. Instead, you just memorized how he felt against you, how his eyes looked into your own, how his fingers found their familiar paths along your skin.

You weren’t sure when you fell asleep but you were still entangled with him in the morning, his forehead against yours, his breaths easy and deep in sleep. You ran your fingers through his graying curls and his face tensed a little in his sleep before he adjusted, sliding down your body to bury his face against your chest. You just stroked his hair and held him there, the early morning light becoming pink with the sun.

When you couldn’t avoid it any longer, you woke him reluctantly and the two of you made your way to the stables, your body tucked against his. He gave you a squeeze before separating from you, the two of you working together to get the horses ready to head out on patrol. You walked with the patrol to the front gate, Joel leading his horse by the reins instead of riding him so he could hold your hand on the way.

“Be safe,” you said quietly as he faced you, every other horse on the other side of the wall now.

“Promise,” he said gently, his large hand going to the back of your neck and holding you at just the right angle to press a gentle kiss to your lips. “Take care of yourself and our girls. Gimme somethin’ to come home to, OK?”

You smiled a little. Like something was going to happen in Jackson.

“Promise.”

You watched the patrol leave until they were out of sight, trying to calm the thudding of your heart as you headed for the stable to get started on all the work for the day.

You’d purposely set yourself up for a busy few days with Joel gone. If you were occupied, your mind couldn’t wander. So you focused on training horses.

It was the hardest part of your job but also the part you liked the most. You had to concentrate on it otherwise you’d get thrown. The horse could always tell when you were distracted, if you gave them an inch they would take a mile at this stage.

You were finally thinking about finishing up for the day, the sun low in the sky and your back sore after getting nearly thrown off a horse more times than you cared to count when Ellie and Savvy wandered into the stable, giggling to each other as they made their way over to you.

You took a moment to fully appreciate what they were to each other. You’d always felt bad for Savvy, having just you in the world, no one closer to her own age to bond with. Now, she and Ellie were attached at the hip, sharing the kind of bond you’d always longed to have with the sister who had never materialized, no matter how much you begged your parents for one. Both of them meant so much to you, the whole of the future wrapped up in them. You had survived a lot to get to this point, horrors you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy, but you’d do it all again to see these two girls find sisterhood in each other. Conspiratorial whispers and knowing laughs and deep love was everything you wanted for your daughter and she had found it here.

“Terrified to know what this is about,” you half smiled as they walked over..

“Why does it have to be about something?” Ellie rolled her eyes. “What if we just wanted to come say hi.”

“Because I don’t think I’ve ever seen you two stop by to just say hi,” you said. “So that would be highly suspect. What do you want?”

“Can we go spend the night at Dina’s?” Savvy asked, the words all spilling out of her at once. “I promise we’ll behave and…”

“Dina’s?” You asked, raising your eyebrows at Ellie.

“Yeah, my friend Dina’s,” she gave you a firm look as she said it.

“And what will you be doing at Dina’s?” You asked, turning your attention back to Savvy.

“Just hanging out with some friends,” she said.

“Any boys?” You asked.

“No,” Ellie said quickly. “Mostly some of the girls who just finished up school and the girls who are about Savvy’s age, nothing crazy…”

“Please Mom?” Savvy interrupted her. “It’s going to be so fun and I haven’t done anything like this before but I’ve read about it and it sounds so cool and I really want to go and…”

“And Dina’s sister will be there?” You asked Ellie, who perked up at the question.

“Yeah,” Ellie said. “And she doesn’t let Dina get away with shit…”

“You do realize that you’re 18 and I can’t do a damn thing to stop you, right?” You said to Ellie. “Adults don’t need to ask their moms for permission.”

“I know,” Ellie said. “But so is Dina. And it’ll be more fun if Savvy can go. I’ll keep an eye on her, I promise.”

You looked between them, Savvy looking more happy and open with you than she had in months, so like how she used to look at you when asking for something when she was small. Her eyes were so wide and hopeful and you couldn’t say no, not when she was looking at you like that.

“Alright,” you sighed. Savvy squealed. “But you have to behave. Savvy, no drinking. If there are boys, you come home. No doin’ stupid shit like climbing buildings…”

“Oh that was like one time!” Ellie protested but you silenced her with a look.

“And I expect everything to stay PG,” you finished.

Ellie frowned.

“What the fuck does PG mean?”

You shook your head a little, some things still surprising you about how different the world was, even after all these years.

“It’s a saying from before,” you said. “Means make sure whatever you do, it’s family friendly. That means if you say you and Dina are friends, you act like friends.”

“We are friends,” Ellie rolled her eyes.

“Oh sure,” Savvy drew out the last word, laughing. “I always want to kiss my friends…”

Ellie elbowed her and she laughed harder before quieting down.

“We won’t cause any trouble,” Ellie said. “Promise.”

“You two have fun,” you said. “And come by the stable in the morning so I know you’re still alive.”

“OK Mom,” Ellie rolled her eyes, nudging a giddy Savvy toward the door.

“Thank you, Mom!” Savvy called, giving you a wave as Ellie urged her outside.

You just laughed and watched until you couldn’t see them anymore before taking your time getting everything set for the night. Your house would be empty overnight for the first time since you’d gotten married. You hadn’t slept without Joel beside you in months, you weren’t in a rush to get home and feel his absence there. But, after a while, you couldn’t stall anymore. You made your way to the mess hall, already mostly empty, but found Maria there with William next to her. She smiled and waved you over and you joined them, sitting across the table as William crashed a carved moose and deer into each other, complete with sound effects.

“See you’re putting off being home, too,” she said, putting one hand in the middle of William’s back.

“Yeah, well,” you sighed. “That’s a damn big house for one person.”

She smiled tightly, knowingly.

“It’s always hard, thinking about them out there like that,” she said. “But this one feels harder.”

“Yeah,” you said, laughing once, darkly. “It really does.”

“Hey Aunt Bambi,” William looked up from his toys, his brown eyes reminding you of Joel’s. There was so much of the Miller men in his face it made your heart ache. “Did you know that moose are the biggest deer sp…sp…” he frowned and looked up at his mom.

“Species,” Maria finished for him before looking over at you. “He’s been obsessed with that carving ever since Joel gave it to him for Christmas so we’ve been learning about moose…”

“Well, moose are pretty cool,” you said knowingly.

“I want to see one,” he said. “Mommy says I can’t ride it but I bet I could ride it.”

You tried really hard not to laugh, William’s springy curls bouncing as he looked down at the carving in his chubby hand.

“I don’t think ridin’ it would be a good idea,” you said. “They’re big, could be very dangerous. But they are neat to see.”

“They’re not dangerous,” he frowned. “I bet we would be friends, just because they are big doesn’t mean they’re dangerous…”

“OK let’s I’d rather not think about you riding a moose,” Maria rolled her eyes. “We can start with seeing one from afar once you’re older.”

He just sighed heavily, as though the weight of the world were on his small shoulders, and went back to playing with the carvings.

“I remember when Savvy was that age,” you smiled a little. “She was all about horses, though…”

“Wonder where she got that from,” Maria smiled back.

The three of you were the last to leave the mess hall, the clean up team heading to the kitchens before you started heading out.

“You’re welcome to come over if you don’t want to be at home,” Maria said, carrying William as he started to fall asleep on her shoulder. “Our door is always open…”

“Thanks but I need to bite the bullet,” you sighed. “If Joel’s going out on longer patrols again, I need to get used to spending some nights home alone.”

“Well, the offer still stands,” she said. “As long as you don’t mind my kid babbling to you about moose, apparently.”

You laughed a little.

“He can babble to me about whatever he wants,” you said.

You parted ways and walked around Jackson for a few minutes before heading for the barn where the dogs were kenneled overnight, leaving a note on the log and taking Gatling from her designated place. She trailed behind you home, happy to be under your control again, and you fell asleep with her curled up against your stomach.

It was a relief to start the next day. You were halfway through your days with Joel outside, not sure if he was safe, too far away for you to see our touch. You could do one more night. You brought Gatling back to her kennel before heading to the stables and getting to work.

The girls came by in the late morning, both looking exhausted but otherwise OK.

“We’re going to go home and take a nap,” Ellie said, talking for Savvy who was staring straight ahead, looking dazed. “But we’ll be in the mess hall at lunch…”

“Go sleep before you fall over,” you smiled and shook your head. “Fill me in on everything later.”

Ellie steered Savvy out of the stable and you laughed a little. Savvy had friends, friends she was staying up all night with. It was everything you wanted for her, watching her grow up both beautiful and sad, thinking she would never have friends like this.

The girls beat you to the mess hall, their backs to the door you came in, their heads together, talking conspiratorially.

“She can’t know,” Ellie said quietly. “She’d freak out…”

“We can handle it,” Savvy said, quiet but sharp.

“Handle what?” You asked, making both of them jump, their eyes going wide. They looked at each other quickly and you frowned. “Girls. Handle what.”

“Nothing,” Ellie said quickly. Savvy was looking at you with a strange expression on her face. “Just… there’s a girl we know, this guy is being a dick. I think we can handle it without talking to her because I think if she knew it’d just be extra shitty.”

You frowned.

“Not gonna go pick a fight, are you? Because…”

“No,” she said. “Not picking a fight.”

“OK,” you said, still uncertain. “But I think…”

“Actually, Bambi, if it’s OK, we’re just going to head out,” Ellie said, cutting you off. “We got here early and I need to go bug Jesse about something.”

“Alright,” you frowned, looking between the two of them. “Are y’all sure everything is OK? Because…”

“It’s fine,” Ellie said before you could finish. “Right, Savvy?”

“Yeah,” she said, still looking at you with an expression you couldn’t quite place. Part of it like she didn’t know you at all. “It’s OK.”

“Alright,” you didn’t really believe either of them. “Look, if this boy is a serious problem…”

“Nothing like that,” Ellie cut you off again. “C’mon, Savvy.”

She got up and took Savvy’s hand, pulling her to her feet, too.

“Where can I find you two later,” you said. “Because…”

“We’ll be home,” Ellie said. “Don’t worry. It’s fine.”

She started pulling Savvy along behind her but Savvy just stayed where she was, her feet planted, eyes locked on you.

“Are you sure you’re OK?” You asked, brows knitting together. “If there’s anything you want to talk about…”

Savvy threw her arms around your waist, catching you totally by surprise, burying her face in your shoulder. You slowly, cautiously, put your arms around her, too, just holding her for a moment. It was so foreign yet familiar, so long since she’d latched onto you like this but holding her one of the only things it felt like you’d been made to do.

“You can always talk to me,” you said softly, running your hand over the back of her mass of curls and pressing a kiss to her temple. “About anything, I’m always here for you.”

“I know,” she said, stepping back and looking at you again. “I love you, Mom.”

You just stared at her for a moment, heart feeling like it was cracking open.

“I love you, too,” you said, your hands still on her shoulders. “More than anything.”

“C’mon Savvy,” Ellie said, taking her arm and tugging her away. “See ya, Bambi.”

You watched them go and debated following them before deciding to give Savvy some space. But, by the time you finished having lunch, you’d thought better of it. You were heading to see if they’d actually gone home but Olivia stopped you as you went past the stables, needing help with the horse you’d been working with the day before. It was hours before you could make it back to the house, bypassing your front door and heading straight for the back yard, knocking on Ellie’s door instead.

“One sec!” Ellie called and you heard her scramble for the door, breathless when she opened it. “Hey Bambi, what’s up?”

“Nothing,” you shrugged, not asking for permission and just stepping inside. Savvy was sitting crosslegged in the middle of her bed looking a little more like herself. Or, at least, the self you’d come to recognize her as lately, a little angry with her mouth set in a firm line. “Wanted to see what you girls were up to tonight, make sure everything was OK.”

“We’re fine,” Savvy said, sounding less angry than she looked. “Just pretty tired.”

You nodded slowly.

“Get that stuff figured out with your friend earlier?” You asked, looking between them.

“Think so,” Ellie said. “We can handle it. Right?”

“Right,” Savvy said, giving her a firm nod.

You looked between them, hoping one of them would elaborate. Neither did.

“Alright, look,” you said. “Both of you are actin’ real weird. I need you to tell me what it is you’re schemin’ up because, while I understand that you want to take care of your friend, you can’t just go around causing problems here in town over something like a break up…”

“We’re not causing any problems in town,” Ellie said reassuringly. “I promise, we’re not going to go beat up some kid in Jackson or anything like that, I swear.”

You looked to Savvy.

“She’s right,” she said. “We really aren’t.”

You clenched your jaw for a moment. Something felt… off. They were telling the truth but you were uneasy. Something was up.

“We’re actually still really tired,” Ellie said after a minute. “So, if it’s OK with you, we’re just going to call it a night…”

“You swear you’re not going to go beat up some boy?” You asked, looking between them.

“Promise,” Ellie said. “The Jackson boys are safe from us.”

You sighed, hoping to get Joel’s help getting more out of them when he was back the next night.

“Alright. You two actually get some damn sleep, OK?”

“OK Mom,” Ellie rolled her eyes and you smiled a little. At least that seemed like Ellie.

You went back to the house, sitting at the window to the backyard with a cup of tea for a bit, until the lights went off in their little house. Something still pulled at you but you went and settled on the couch, putting on an old VHS tape that had been in Joel’s house, whoever had lived here before’s recording of some episodes of Seinfeld. You didn’t fast forward through the commercials, marveling at how far away the world that sold things like Oreos seemed. You’d only been about Savvy’s age when this had been recorded. Your relationship with your mother had been fraught, too. As hard as it was to have the only reason you’d fought so hard to survive be distant, she’d done more with you today than you would have with your own mother at that age. You sighed. Maybe you were through the worst of it. Maybe this was just what it was like parenting a teenager, strange distance interspersed with shocking moments of vulnerability.

You dozed off halfway through the third episode and the pounding on your front door made you sit bolt upright, shocking awake with a gasp.

The sound was relentless, a fist slamming into wood instead of rapping against it. You scrambled off the couch and pulled the door open without bothering to see who was on the other side of it, your heart in your throat. What if it was Maria? What if something had happened to Joel?

But standing on your porch was Kyle, the boy Savvy had been spending time with, his shock of red hair slick with sweat, his freckled skin blotchy and red. There was a gash on his cheek.

“Mrs. Miller,” he panted, looking at you with wide eyes. “I’m so sorry, they let me go, they let me go to come find you…”

“Slow down, kid,” you said gently, heart still pounding. You put your hands on his shoulders and guided him inside. “Take a deep breath, what’s goin’ on, is everyone OK?”

“No,” he shook his head, his eyes still wild and frantic. “No, they’re not OK. He’s got them, he’s got them, I tried to stop him but I couldn’t, there were too many and…”

“Who’s got who?” You frowned. “Need you to slow down, you’re not making any…”

“Savvy and Ellie,” he said. Your heart stopped. “He’s got them.”

***

“Swear to God this is the longest damn patrol I’ve ever been on,” Joel said, happy he could actually recognize some of what was around them now.

“And we’re even gettin’ back a few hours early,” Tommy gave him a cocky smile. “At least it was an easy one.”

“Jesus, don’t know if I’d call it easy with how my damn leg is feelin’,” Joel said. “Swear all I’m doin’ tonight is soaking in the damn bath…”

“See how your wife feels about that,” Tommy teased and Joel rolled his eyes. “I’ve seen how you two look at each other…”

“Fuck off,” Joel said, smiling all the same.

“S’what I thought,” Tommy said.

It had been an easy few days, all things considered. They’d picked off a few stray infected but no signs of a larger group. No immediate signs of raiders, either, the territory they covered broad and quiet. They’d made good time coming back, closing in on Jackson around noon instead of that evening. It was one of those times that Joel was glad that you worked in the stables, happy he’d have an excuse to go right to you the second he was in the gate. He didn’t care that he knew that he smelled, days of sweat and dirt stuck on his skin and clothes. You wouldn’t mind. You’d damn near tackle him, throwing your arms around his neck and pressing your body into his and he’d forget for a moment just how bad his damn leg was hurting after spending two and a half days on a horse.

But Joel knew something was off the second the gate opened, guards whispering low to each other as Joel and Tommy dismounted.

“Who died?” Tommy frowned, looking around.

“Maria’s on her way up,” Jason, one of the guards, said. “She knows what’s going on…”

Joel frowned at Tommy, who’s face had fallen, skin going pale.

“I’m sure s’all fine,” Joel said, limping more than usual as he went to stand beside his brother, clapping a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “It’s Jackson, what could happen?”

Maria appeared then, walking quickly and talking seriously with Warren.

“Oh Jesus,” Tommy said softly. “This is bad…”

“Think we lost someone?” Joel asked, voice low.

“Feels like we’re about to go to fuckin’ war,” Tommy said, matching Joel’s tone.

“Good to see you two back and in one piece,” Maria said, Joel’s stomach lurching at her tone. She was talking like a member of the council not like his sister-in-law. “Jason, take the horses to get settled. I need to talk to Joel and Tommy.”

Joel’s heart beat a little faster. She said it like she needed to talk to him, like Tommy was there to make sure he didn’t fly off the handle. She put her hand in the middle of Joel’s back and guided him to the Tipsy Bison, the bar empty this early in the day.

“What’s goin’ on?” Tommy asked the second they were in the door. “Is William OK? Why’s everyone actin’ like someone fuckin’ died?”

“William is fine, he’s with the neighbors,” Maria said gently before turning her attention to Joel. “I need you to stay calm…”

“Why,” he demanded. “Maria…”

“We don’t know everything,” she cut him off. “We’ve only known about it for maybe two hours, we’re still coming up with a plan and…”

“Known about what,” Joel demanded. “What’s goin’ on?”

Maria took a deep breath and looked him dead in his eyes.

“Bambi, Ellie and Savvy are gone.”

Time slowed. His heart dropped and there was a high pitched whine ringing in his head.

That didn’t make sense. This was Jackson. Things were safe here, everything was supposed to be safe here, that’s why he’d stayed here, risked everything to bring Ellie back here, done everything to keep you here when you’d tried to leave before and something had taken you from him anyway.

“What do you mean they’re gone?” Tommy’s voice snapped him back into his head. “Where’d they go? What happened?”

“This is everything we know,” Maria held a folded piece of paper out to Joel, his name in your handwriting on one half of it like you were addressing a letter. “We’re doing everything we can…”

Joel unfolded the page with trembling hands, the crinkle of the paper almost sharp in his ears.

Joel,

I know I promised to be here to come home to but Cody has our girls and I’m going to get them back. He told me to come alone or they die and I can’t risk them. Please don’t come after me, not until we know they’re safe. I’ll do everything I can to come back to you but if I don’t, protect them and take care of yourself. They need you.

If I never see you again, I want you to know that loving you was worth surviving for. Getting to be your wife and taking care of our girls with you was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Be safe.

I love you.

You signed your name, your real name, like you had the tape you gave him for Christmas but there was one notable difference: your last name was Miller.

Joel’s fist got tight around the paper. He’d lost you and his girls. He’d let the man who had hurt you live and now that had all three of you, doing who knows what to you.

“They were here yesterday,” Maria’s voice sounded far away. “It must have happened overnight. When Bambi didn’t show up at the stables today, Olivia sent someone to check on her around 10 a.m. and they found the note…”

Joel wasn’t listening, turning and stalking for the door, taking mental stock of the supplies he still had on him. How much ammunition? He was pretty sure he had a good count of how many rounds he’d fired on patrol but now he was less certain.

“Joel!” Maria’s voice was sharp, making him stop, one hand on the door, the sunlight pouring through the glass of it oddly bright. How could anything be bright right now, at a moment like this? “What are you doing? You can’t just…”

He looked back over his shoulder, his brother and sister-in-law, the pair of them standing and watching him with cautious looks on their faces.

Joel hoped they wouldn’t try to stop him. He loved them both, they were family, but if he had to choose from you and the girls or his brother, his brother would lose every single time. He wouldn’t hesitate to go through them.

Joel had felt like he’d been meant to do very little in his life. Before, he’d worked a job that let him pay his bills and watched college football for a school he’d never had a shot at getting into. Since, he’d done plenty to get by and distract himself from the emptiness of his existence, none of it feeling like it was worth a damn thing. The one different, constant piece had been how he felt about the people his world revolved around. Sarah, Ellie, you, Savvy. The four of you were his calling. The four of you were why he was here at all. He’d survived the loss of Sarah by the skin of his teeth. In so many ways, he never really recovered. He wouldn’t have recovered at all if it weren’t for Ellie.

He wasn’t doing that again. He wouldn’t survive it again. This was life and death, not just for the three of you but for himself, too.

Joel met his brother’s gaze.

“That monster’s got my wife, my daughters,” Joel said, voice dark and firm. “I’m gonna hunt him, I’m gonna hurt him and I’m gonna bring them back.”

A/N: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I know, more angst. I don't know why I'm like this either. Feel free to yell at me in the comments or my ask box or my DMs. I'll still love you.

Thanks for putting up with me and all my shit and for continuing to read this story. It really does mean so, so much to me.

I love you!!

Taglist: @ashleymsnodgrass@planet-marz1@kalea-bane @juneswonderlust @ilovepedro @h-annahayy @starstruckmusiciansartghost @beccerjune @mumma-moonchild @netonetoneto @mellymbee @purplelye @n7cje @flugazi @evyiione @randomhoex @aliengirl99 @orcasoul @reds-ramblings @pedropascalsbbg @fupoola @tinypotatothing @knopes-waffles @lilmizmoz @ayamenimthiriel @jenispunk @panda-pascal @sarap-77 @flugazi @your-slutty-gf @daniegraceg @partyofone3413 @cumberpegg @noisynightmarepoetry. @fifia-writes @grumpygrumperton @srmacaroni @txlady37 @bigboiseason123 @ashleyfilm @arizonadreamingg

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #yearling #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x oc #smut fic

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justagalwhowrites · 3 days

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Thank you so so much for including me on this amazing list!! I'm so happy you've enjoyed my work!!!

Fic Recommendations

Below are a collection of my favourite stories by some very talented writers, who's works deserve to be shared far and wide, enjoy...

Din Djarin - One Shots:

Familiar and unfamiliar - @theidiotwhowritesthings

Help Her - @forever-rogue

Shev'la - @themand0lorian

Breathe - @oliviajdjarin

His World - @oliviajdjarin

One Hundred and Fifty Seven - @theidiotwhowritesthings

keep You Alive - @not-the-droid

Stormy skies - @deakyjoe

Don't Die - @sirowsky

Supply Run / Supply Run: Return (pt 2) / Suply Run: Exchange (pt 3) - @thepascalofus

Heavy Lies The Crown - @blueeyesatnight

Din Djarin - Series and Multi Parts:

Beskar Doll - @justagalwhowrites

Somewhere Beautiful (pt 1) / Something Like Home (pt 2) - @peetiespetals

A Bounty For Reward - @alltheirdamn

Lover's Crest - @gingerlurk

Ni Ceta, Cyar'ika/ I Love You, Cyar'ika/ Do You Want Me, Cyar'ika: Happy end/ Dark End @theidiotwhowritesthings

Not Like This/ Not You - @theidiotwhowritesthings

In Your Loving Arms / Aliit Be Ehn - @djarins-wife

Rescue Me - @charnelhouse

In a Crowd of Thousands - @gingersnappe-9

Joel Miller - One Shots:

Joel's children - @absurdthirst

I've Got You - @atinylittlepain

Don't Take The Girl - @alt-vera

Protective - @forever-rogue

Jealousy - @nonexistent-introvert

Joel Miller & Pregnant reader - @brighttears

Mr Grinch - @integra1127grimmreaper

Joel Miller - Series and Multi Parts:

Yearling - @justagalwhowrites

Smother - @beardedjoel

Raider Joel - @toxicanonymity

By The Grit of sandpaper - @penvisions

So Much To Lose - @auteurdelabre

I Know Who You Are - @punkshort

Brain Scramblies (pt 1) / Brain Scramblies (pt 2) - @strang3lov3

A Strangers Heart without a Home - @morning-star-joy

Unexpected Expectings / We'll Be Expecting You / Not What You Expected - @atinylittlepain

Feral Woman - @gasolinerainbowpuddles

To The Light - @metaphoricgibberish

Predro Pascal - One Shots

Accidents Happen - @josephquinnswhore

Breaking Point - @josephquinnswhore

Shame - @imaginesbymonika

Pedro x Sick Reader - @talaok

#fan fiction #fanfic

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justagalwhowrites · 3 days

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Things Kit's Husband Says - Part 4,876

Husband after our dog has whined to go outside and just immediately flopped on the deck to bake in the sun instead of sniffing in the grass or going potty: Sun's out, pup's out.

Kit: snort Sun's out, pup's out.

Husband: What! It can't be sun's out, guns out, he doesn't have any guns! He's not republican!

Kit: Heavy sigh

Husband after several seconds of silence: Heh. RePUPlican.

#just kit things #sorry you end up having to read my ramblings

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justagalwhowrites · 3 days

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Hi, I have a question for you but first I'd like to say that I absolutely love Beskar Doll and Yearling. I get so excited whenever a new chapter of Yearling comes out. Your writing is amazing! I've noticed that you've put your masterslist in your bio and I was wondering how do you do that? I've tried but it I don't have the option to paste my masterlist into my bio once I've copied the link and Tumblr's help page just confused me. Could you tell me how you did it? Thank you.

OMG Hi Bestie!

You are so kind and so sweet, I'm so happy you enjoy my work!!!

As far as the masterlist thing goes, I'm not the BEST person to ask? I feel like all I do is fumble around on this hell site and just keep my fingers crossed that I don't break anything. That being said, here's the guide I used when adding links to my bio! If you've got a bit of html knowledge, it's not too bad :)

I hope it works for you! Feel free to reach back out and ask if you run into issues, I will 110% try to help figure it out! I make no promises on the success of that trying but I will DEFINITELY try!

Love you!!

#send asks #kit answers

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justagalwhowrites · 3 days

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Not sure if you’re a swiftie, but So High School from TTPD is very Goldie and Joel, specifically them *in* High School - “You know ball, I know Aristotle” - like come on!!!

Anyway, sending love and hope you’re not working yourself to the bone, we’re happy to wait :)

Hi Bestie!

I'm not like a full Swiftie? I LOVED Folklore and Evermore but otherwise tend to just listen to a few songs. But I like Taylor Swift! And I have listened to almost all of TTPD and I totally see what you mean with So High School! Definitely Joel and Goldie coded. I love how they seem so different but just fit together so perfectly (in my very biased opinion) (I'm in love with them your honor.)

Thank you for sharing and sending love!! This week is going way better than last week THANK GOD and I had a huge work project that's been my main concern for about seven weeks wrap up on Monday. I could not be more relieved, let me tell you! I'm excited to be back in the groove writing and sharing and I'm just happy y'all stuck around while I tried to manage the low key emotional meltdown of the last like 3 months of my life lol

LOVE YOU!

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #send asks #kit answers #halcyon

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justagalwhowrites · 3 days

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Up Next?

Hi Besties!

I'm really close on the next chapter of Yearling - close enough that I think I'll have some writing time today after I post it. What do you want next?

*Note: This chapter of Yearling is going to end on a cliffhanger.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and for being here! Love you!!

#just kit things #joel miller x female reader #yearling #halcyon #stranger in a bar

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justagalwhowrites · 3 days

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This is Joel and Bambi coded:

and I love them for it 🐾

AHHHHH It so is, Bestie!!!

And now they're just both a bit like "YEAH THAT'S MY BADASS SPOUSE RIGHT THERE" and I love that for them, truly.

LOVE YOU!!!

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #send asks #kit answers #yearling

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justagalwhowrites · 4 days

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Tommy the kinda guy to say “hell yeah brother” unironically

Oh, 110% yes. And Yearling Tommy would say it to both Joel and Bambi and completely in earnest. I love them so much 😭

#fanfic #send asks #kit answers #yearling

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justagalwhowrites · 4 days

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5 Things ❤️

I got a few tags for this over the last day or two and it sounds so fun! Thank you to @jessthebaker @thesluttylittleknee and @crazysouthernlady for the tags!

Rules: List 5 topics you can talk on for at least an hour without any preparation. Tag others to find out their 5 topics.

Star Wars - Huge Star Wars fan, have been for almost 30 years now. I can talk about how I would fix ROS for an hour EASY let alone just general conversation about the rest of the series. I just love it!

The state of American print media - Look. I get that this is an incredibly niche topic but the death of the small newspaper in America is incredibly concerning to me. We desperately need an active free press in every town in this country otherwise local government is going to run unchecked. See also, the fourth estate and the evolution of American media ethics.

American media law, including copyright law - Taylor Swift deciding to rerecord all of her original albums was the best thing that ever happened to this particular area of special interest! Everyone who knew I knew copyright law was texting me to ask why that was allowed and I got to talk people through how copyright works without annoying them. WHAT A WEEK! See also, different interpretations of the law (don't get me started on constitutional originalism.)

Joel Miller - This should go without saying, I love him so much, he's so beautifully complex and human and I could talk about him for days.

Personal philosophies - I'm just using this as a catchall for things I tend to rant about more than anything else, like the patriarchy, the racist and classist systems we live in, the influence of religion on our culture, etc etc etc.

NP tags: @sawymredfox @toxicanonymity @dancingtotuyo and anyone else who wants to play!

#just kit things #5 questions tag game

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justagalwhowrites · 4 days

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Last Sentence Game

rules: post the last sentence you wrote (fanfic / original / anything) and tag as many people as there are words in the sentence.

OMG I have gotten a few tags today, y'all are so lovely! Thank you @getitoutofmymindwrites @wintrwinchestr @sawymredfox for the tags!

He kissed you, gentle at first but deepening, until he was shoving your skirt around your waist and pulling your underwear down your legs.

I'll let you guess what's coming next 🫣

I'm not going to tag 24 people I'm so sorry BUT

NP tags: @netherfeildren @tightjeansjavi @whocaresstillthelouvre @dancingtotuyo @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @romanarose and any other lovely soul who wants to play :D

#fanfic #last sentence tag game

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justagalwhowrites · 5 days

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Yearling Chapter 34 Sneak Peek

Bambi and Joel are facing some... awkward parenting conversations this chapter :) Hoping this will be done Tuesday night!

“Shit, baby, been a long time since I’ve had that conversation,” he said as he traced abstract little patterns over your bare skin. “Tryin’ to even remember how I brought it up with Sarah now… My face was burnin’ up the whole time, that much I know.” “There were perks to being hermits,” you sighed, pressing yourself closer to him. “Didn’t have to worry about my kid getting knocked up as a teenager for one.” “Mmm,” Joel hummed in agreement. “Least she has boys to flirt with now.” “You say that like it’s a good thing,” you muttered but smiled against his skin all the same. “I can talk to her with you if you think it’ll help,” he said. “Let me give it a shot on my own,” you sighed. “See if she will actually listen to me. If she doesn’t, I’ll call in the reinforcements.”

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #yearling

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justagalwhowrites · 6 days

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I get so insecure about my smut 😭😭😭 I’d rather write all the dialogue, that comes so easy. I second guess everything in the smut

Does anyone else hate writing the smut part or is just me and Marie 😭

#like we love it but it stress us out i’m sorry #fanfic

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justagalwhowrites · 7 days

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Halcyon - Ch. 9: Good Luck Dealing With… Whatever That Is

Your plans to get your shit together aren't looking good when you get some unexpected news. A continuation of Halcyon from the prologue through Ch. 8, a modern no outbreak AU TLOU fic found on Tumblr here.

^this is baby Joel for this, OK? OK. I need more young Joel gifs so bad.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Mention of sex and masturbation. Mention of recovery for drug abuse. Modern No Outbreak AU, No use of Y/N, Slow burn, 18+ only, Minors DNI

Length: 5.6K

AO3 | Main Master List | Prologue | Previous Chapter

November, 2022

“Tell me,” Stephanie, your agent, leaned across the table and took your hands in hers. “What can I do to make my favorite author happy? Get her in the zone?”

Her brown eyes were wide and almost strangely earnest and you wondered if she said the same things to Gale.

“There’s nothing to really do,” you shrugged instead of asking. “I just don’t have much to say right now, I guess…”

“There has to be something,” she said, releasing your hands to cross her arms on the table. “You’re going through a divorce, that has to be something, right?”

“You want me to use the dissolution of my marriage for story material,” you raised your eyebrows at her. “Regardless of how that might make your other client look.”

“Please,” she waved you off. “We both know I’m on your side here. Even if I didn’t like you better, it’s just good business. You’ve outsold your husband 10 to 1 and that’s if you put every book he’s ever published together. You’re my priority, not him. If getting you to write the next great American novel…”

“I thought I already did that?”

She gave you a look.

“The next NEXT great American novel then,” she continued, “means throwing your husband under the bus? Works for me.”

You just sighed and twisted your coffee cup on the tabletop.

Truthfully, you hated meetings like this one. You’d always wanted to be a writer. It was the only thing you really wanted to do with your life, something that you loved to do and fulfilled what felt like your purpose in the world. You’d just never realized what getting paid for it would do.

Maybe that’s why you couldn’t write now. You didn’t have a book deal when you’d written your first novel, it wasn’t a commodity you were duty bound to finished. You wrote it because the story was inside you, needing to come out before it swallowed you up.

It was different this time.

You had obligations, people had expectations and the freedom and release you’d found in telling that first story was gone.

“Has something been on your mind lately?” She asked, her eyes searching your face. “Because maybe you just… need a break. Give yourself some space, no distractions. I can find a cabin or something to rent you, you can hole up and really focus on writing….”

You thought for a moment. You doubted a break would give you any inspiration which seemed to be your big problem. But a break would give you space from Joel which, given everything lately, might be smart.

You’d actually gone a few days without speaking after the photo incident. Every time your phone lit up with an alert it made your stomach clench but you scrambled to pick it up, anyway. It was never Joel.

It stung even worse after you got on Tinder the first time. You’d been experimentally swiping on people when, suddenly, Joel’s profile was in front of you.

You hadn’t thought about that. Of course, it made perfect sense. You were the same age, you lived close together, it should have occurred to you that he’d end up on your feed.

Your hand shook a little as you scrolled through his profile. His prompt responses were cheeky, his pictures were easy going ones of him at BBQs or camping with his brother. Sarah was noticeably absent but that made sense given that he said he was looking for something casual and didn’t have much time for anything serious.

His main picture was one you’d never seen which also made sense. You’d only been speaking again for a few weeks, after all. But it made your heart hurt all the same, the idea that you’d missed so much with him. It was some beach trip, his hair shaggy. He was in a thin t-shirt that hung on him just right, swim trunks on and a beer in his hand.

You should know him like this, on vacation and having fun. But you didn’t.

You swiped right.

You had set the phone down then and tried to force yourself to go to sleep, even though your heart was racing.

The next morning, he hadn’t swiped right back. He hadn’t that afternoon, either. By that night, you knew it wasn’t coming.

He didn’t text, either.

It was Tuesday before you couldn’t take it anymore, opening your chat thread and staring at the past text bubbles for a moment, trying to decide how you wanted to approach this.

You settled on making a joke out of it. He didn’t have to know that you’d swiped right on him after he saw that mortifying picture, right?

Didn’t realize my tits were that bad.

You set your phone down on your desk and gnawed on your lower lip for a minute and just hoped that he’d respond and that you hadn’t managed to fuck up the most meaningful relationship in your life because you’d been stupid enough to try to seduce your own damn husband from thousands of miles away years earlier.

Your phone screen lit up and you dove for it, moving so fast that you fumbled it and you had to scramble to get it off the floor to finally read the message.

It was from Joel.

You’re just shit at slutty selfie composition you nerd.

You snorted.

I’ll be sure to take classes from you before I take another one.

The little typing bubble popped up almost immediately.

You would want a class about nudes. Nerd.

From there, neither of you ever acknowledged the picture. You weren’t sure that he’d swiped left on you - maybe your profile just never appeared for him, you didn’t know how Tinder worked after all - but you did know that he didn’t swipe right. That stung, too. But you could live with it. At least it hadn’t wrecked your friendship with Joel.

But that meant the two of you were helping each other on the dating front again. After a few days of avoiding Tinder - it didn’t feel right to swipe right on anyone when you were still hanging on to the hope that Joel would wipe right on you, too - you got back on the app and tried to go in with an open mind. You swiped right on a few guys who seemed decent, one who was an attorney, one who taught at UT in a different department and one who worked in tech.

Joel had gone through their profiles and your shot conversations with them the next day, a serious look on his face as he read through everything.

“Should cut off the lawyer,” he said after a few minutes. “Dude hasn’t asked you a single goddamn thing about yourself.”

“What?” You frowned, leaning in to look at your phone screen. “That can’t be right…”

“Look,” he scrolled back up to the top of the conversation. “He reaches out first and says how are you but that’s the last thing he actually asks about you. Everything else is him talkin’ about himself.”

“Shit,” you said, skimming the conversation as Joel scrolled and going back over it in your mind. “You’re right… How did I not notice that?”

Joel shrugged.

“Not used to online dating is all. Just ghost ‘em, he’s not worth it.”

You’d gone on another double date with Joel and a girl from his own Tinder swiping habit, Tessa, and the tech guy a week later. It hadn’t been bad, exactly, but it hadn’t been great, either. You and the tech guy didn’t have much in the way of chemistry, which was the opposite of Joel with his date. Tessa was practically hanging off him the entire night and you just prayed that she wasn’t going to try to fuck him right at the table.

But when you saw him the next day and asked how the rest of his night was, he just shrugged.

“I dunno, fine, I guess.”

You raised your eyebrows.

“She was that bad in bed?”

“Wouldn’t know,” he said, stealing a kernel of popcorn from the bowl on your lap as you sat next to him on his couch. “Didn’t fuck her.”

“Seriously?” You gaped at him. “What, she clam up when you got her home?”

“Nah,” he waved you off. “Just wasn’t feeling it. Plus, I’m trying to actually date women, not just fuck ‘em. Should probably learn how to keep it in my pants for a bit.”

“Who would have guessed it,” you teased lightly and he rolled his eyes.

You had, mercifully, dodged another hideous double date since then. But you weren’t any closer to finding anyone to cross some of those items on your list off with and Joel asked about who you were talking to every day, wanting to make sure that anyone you went out with wasn’t a total creep. It was a kind thought but, no matter how much you tried to ignore the feeling, it still hurt to think about him with someone else and him being so OK with you being with someone else, too.

Some space from him - even if it was just or a few days - would probably be a good idea.

“I’m not sure it would help,” you sighed. “But… it can’t hurt. As long as you tried to set it up between semesters, I’ve already set my syllabus for next semester.”

“I’ll book something between Christmas and New Year’s,” she smiled. “Assuming you don’t have big plans…”

“Yeah, you know how busy I am around the holidays,” you scoffed.

“Well,” she smiled a little. “I didn’t want to assume. I’ll book a place for a week and if you need more time we can extend it. But hopefully, that’s enough time for you to at least get an outline done, maybe some early pages…”

You nodded slowly, even though, at the rate you’d been writing lately, that seemed incredibly optimistic.

“Things are going well here otherwise, though?” She asked, sitting back and decidedly less businesslike. You were never sure if she wanted to be friends with you because she liked you or if it was just a good idea to be friendly with her clients.

“Well enough,” you said. “The university is treating me well. I’ve been able to reconnect with some old friends, so that’s been nice.”

“Good for you!” She smiled. “Glad to hear you’re getting out there more, you need it. Gale stifled you, you need to spend some time with people your own age and who don’t have tenure. Who knows, maybe it’ll fuel that next book!”

You half smiled. There it was, back to the book.

“One can hope.”

You were trying to not think about the fact that you hadn’t even really started a book you were supposed to have finished in under a year on your drive home when Joel called, mercifully pulling you out of your own head.

“Please tell me you’re free tonight,” he said by way of hello.

“Hi, Joel,” you replied. “I’m doing great, thank you so much for asking…”

“You’re stressed about your book because you just met with your agent and you haven’t made progress,” he said. “Come over and drink about it, Tessa just broke shit off and Tommy’s already taking Sarah for the night and I can’t just sit here home alone.”

“Oh shit, really?” You said. “What happened? She was really into you.”

“Yeah, well,” Joel sighed. “Come over. Bring the cat, sleep over, we can get fucked up.”

“As great as that sounds,” you said. “I’ve got dinner with Anna tonight…”

“Cancel.”

“Don’t be a dick,” you said.

“Come over after then,” he said. “C’mon, Goldie, don’t leave me hanging.”

“I’d love to,” you sighed. “But Anna… she’s up to something. I don’t think this is going to be just dinner.”

You practically heard Joel frown through the bluetooth.

“What do you mean she’s ‘up to something,’” he asked. “The fuck could she be up to?”

“I don’t know,” you groaned. “But she texted and asked if I could come over for dinner, made a big deal about wanting to make me something and said she had something ‘exciting to share.’ I know my sister, this is some scheme she’s gotten herself into that she’s too deep inside of to understand that it’s not what she should be doing, especially not right now, and I’m going to be the one stuck figuring it out.”

“Gee, wonder what that’s like,” Joel said, teasing slightly. “But I get it, lord knows Tommy’s pulled the same shit enough times… Guess I’ll have to figure out how to actually entertain myself for a change.”

“I somehow think you’ll survive,” you smiled a little. “But I’ll see you for dinner tomorrow, yeah?”

“Yeah,” he sighed. “If I make it through the night…”

“Jesus.”

“The long suffering loneliness of bachelor life…”

“Such a baby.”

“The creeping feeling of my own mortality…”

“Alright,” you said trying not to laugh. “Bye.”

He laughed a little back.

“Bye.”

You’d much rather go over to Joel’s than go spend the evening with Anna. She’d been doing better lately and then pulled one of her disappearing acts over the last week. She canceled your usual lunch a week earlier, sent just one or two word responses to texts. Before she had reached out about dinner, you’d planned to just show up at her house during your usual lunch time and stand there, pounding on the door until she let you inside.

Instead, you were heading to her house for dinner with flowers in hand after she told you repeatedly not to bring anything.

I am fully capable of providing someone with a meal, you know.

You were skeptical but you didn’t say that.

I just want to help but if you’re really all good…

I am. Trust me.

You just hoped it wasn’t a repeat of the mac and cheese incident when you rang her doorbell.

“Hey, favorite sister of mine!” She threw the door open and you laughed a little, happy to see that she looked… fine. No sunken eyes or hollow cheeks or strung out look on her face.

“I’m your only sister,” you smiled. “Not a lot of competition.”

“You’d still be my favorite,” she pulled you in for a hug before looking at the flowers. “Are these for me?”

“They are,” you said, handing them to her.

“And you even got a vase!” She squealed before narrowing her eyes. “Wait, did you do that because you think I don’t have a vase?”

You paused for a moment.

“Maybe…”

“Oh come on!”

“But I don’t know that I do, either, at the moment!” You continued. “Not a judgy assumption, I promise.”

She looked skeptical but welcomed you inside anyway, going and putting the vase on a shockingly clutter-free coffee table. You frowned at it.

“Did you clean?” You asked, looking around more.

“I did,” she said, smug. “C’mon, there’s more I want to show you!”

She brought you through the house room by room, everything set up with some sense of utility and reason instead of the haphazard piles of boxes and clutter and dust that had ruled her home before.

But when you went to open the door to the bedroom closest to hers, she stopped you.

“That’s got the main surprise in it,” she said, smiling. “After dinner, I don’t want to spoil it.”

There was a chime from the kitchen and she perked up.

“And speak of the devil,” she said. “That’s dinner. I made a casserole.”

“You…” you began. She raised her eyebrows. “You know what? Never mind.”

“That’s what I thought,” she said, leading the way to the kitchen.

Anna had you sit at the table as she put a plate together for you with salad and casserole and bread and you tried to hide the fact that you were impressed that she’d actually gotten a variety of food groups.

You didn’t do as well at hiding your shock that the casserole was actually beyond edible, it was… good.

“See?” Anna said, looking almost cocky over her plate. “I told you, I am capable of feeding someone.”

“This is really good,” you said.

“Right?” She said. “I actually followed the recipe which probably helped…”

You laughed a little.

“Yeah, probably,” you said, taking another bite before setting down your fork. “So, tell me… what’s this exciting news that you have for me?”

She looked cagey for a moment before setting her fork down, too, and leaning both arms on the table.

“You have to promise to not freak out,” she said.

“This is off to a great start…”

“Oh hush,” she rolled her eyes. “You just always see the worst in everything…”

“No I don’t!”

“You’re a pessimist.”

“I’m a realist,” you said. “And I will do my best to keep my cool.”

“Promise?”

“Promise,” you said, even though your heart was beating a little faster.

Anna smiled a little wider.

“Good,” she said. “Because it really is exciting. And it really is good news, I swear it is.”

“OK,” you laughed a little, more out of nerves than anything else. “What is it?”

She reached over and took your hands for a moment and took a deep breath.

“I’m pregnant.”

***

This was stupid.

Joel knew it was stupid

But fuck, he needed to get laid.

He’d been dodging it with Tessa. They’d gone on a few dates and she’d been all over him and he’d always stopped short of fucking her. It just didn’t feel right. He couldn’t quite put his finger on why. Maybe it was the fact that he could tell he couldn’t ever love this woman, maybe it was the fact that he’d met her in person for the first time with you and he could hear your commentary about her every time she spoke. Maybe it was just the fact that she wasn’t you and you were so fucking close…

He hadn’t gotten laid since he’d seen you again. The last time had been an indulgence on his birthday. He got a sitter for Sarah and Joel had gone out with Tommy and picked up a woman at the bar who was all too happy to bring him home and ride him until he came so hard his eyes rolled back in his head. He couldn’t remember that woman’s name anymore. He hadn’t really been interested in that since he saw you again.

But he couldn’t just go the rest of his damn life dodging sex because you were in the same fucking state again. Even though every time he’d come since he’d seen that goddamn picture had been to the memory of it mixing with the memory of prom night.

Consciously, he knew that memory must be warped by now. First of all, he’d never had sex before, it couldn’t have actually felt how he remembered it feeling. It had to be part of the haze of his first time being inside another person, the intensity of experiencing it all for the first time. It couldn’t have been that different than every other time he’d fucked someone in the years since.

Second, he’d gone back into that memory so many times now, he knew he must have tainted it somehow. It seemed like he should have kept it on a shelf in some way, not sullied it over the years with stupid indulgences when he let himself actually want you. He’d put being with you on a pedestal and he needed to come back down to earth.

And managing to actually fuck someone when he was actually on speaking terms with you? Seemed like a good enough place to start.

He’d been planning to actually try and fuck Tessa that night. Tessa, with her elaborate makeup and high heeled shoes and eagerness to do damn near anything with him. He was going to actually bite the bullet, stop thinking about you and fuck the beautiful woman who was standing right in front of him damn near begging for it.

And then she called him that afternoon. After exchanging pleasantries, she cut to the chase.

“Look, Joel,” she sighed. “I just don’t think this is going to work out and I feel stupid dragging it out any longer than this.”

“What do you mean?” He’d frowned, even though he knew she was right.

“I mean,” she sighed again. “I mean I’m not a fan of being a placeholder, you know?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said. “Look, why don’t we…”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about, Joel,” she said. “And if you don’t… well, I feel sorry for you. But I hope it works out for you two, I really do. ”

She hung up before he had a chance to argue.

He knew what she meant, of course. That didn’t make it any easier.

After that rejection, being alone felt unbearable and you were unavailable. So, he’d gone back on Tinder for the first time since he’d found Tessa on the app weeks earlier and found a woman who looked like she was after the same thing he was: A quick and easy lay.

That, he thought would do it. Break this fucked up pattern he’d been stuck in since you’d come back into his life.

Her name was Lena and she was just the kind of woman Joel normally went for. She was fun, she was beautiful in an effortless way that he was smart enough to know took a damn bit of effort and she laughed easy. She was more than willing to come back to Joel’s place just an hour or so after meeting him in person.

Even though he started losing his nerve on the drive home. He hadn’t even kissed this woman - he wasn’t sure he actually knew her last name - and he was just going to fuck her. Something he’d done plenty of times before. Why did it suddenly feel so fucking wrong? Why did he keep losing his goddamn nerve?

He was desperately trying to get out of his own head, two bottles of beer on his coffee table half drunk as his fingers twisted in Lena’s hair. She moaned into his mouth and pressed the plush softness of her chest against him and he was just starting to get absorbed in the moment and think of something besides that fucking picture when he heard his front door open.

“Please tell me you have fucking tequila,” you said as Joel all but jumped away from Lena. You froze between his entryway and living room when you saw him, looking from him to the woman who was - mercifully - still fully clothed on his couch. “Oh shit…”

“I’m so sorry,” Lena said quickly, shooting Joel a glare. “I thought he was single, had I known…”

“Oh, he is,” you said quickly. “I’m sorry, I thought he didn’t have plans tonight…”

“You said you were going to be at your sister’s place!” He said.

“Yeah after you called me earlier to see if I was free!” You replied before turning back to Lena. “I’m so sorry, I’m just the best friend, I wasn’t trying to interrupt anything I swear, I usually don’t just show up like this…”

Joel frowned.

“Yeah, why are you here?” He asked, twisting to see you properly. You had a strange, far off look in your eyes. “Everything OK?”

“It can wait,” you said, turning to go.

But Joel got up and stopped you just before you reached the door.

“What’s goin’ on?” He asked, taking you by the shoulders, his eyes ranging over your face. “Come on, Goldie girl, talk to me.”

“Anna’s pregnant.”

He froze for a moment, his stomach dropping, and the two of you just looked at each other. He could practically feel the panic rising in you, the quick breaths and tension rising in your shoulders.

“Lena,” he said, not looking at her and keeping his eyes on you. “I’m sorry, I think you need to go.”

“Yeah,” she said, ducking around the two of you. “I guess… Text me?”

“Sure,” Joel said, not sure if he actually would.

“Sorry,” you actually looked at her, your eyes wide. “I really wasn’t trying to fuck up your night…”

“It’s alright,” she said. “Good luck dealing with… whatever that is.”

She left and you took a trembling breath, looking like you were more staring into space than at Joel.

“Alright,” he said, pulling you against his side. “Let’s get you sittin’ down before you fall or something…”

You nodded and let Joel guide you to the couch where Lena had been just a few moments earlier, lowering you to the cushion. He picked up the beer he’d been drinking and handed it to you and you chugged it, not coming up for air until the bottle was empty and you handed it back to him, panting for breath.

“OK tell me what happened,” he said. “You said Anna’s…”

“Knocked up,” you finished for him, your fingers knotting around each other in your lap. “She’s not supposed to even be considering a relationship at this point in her sobriety and she’s…”

“Take a breath,” Joel said, remembering back to how he felt when Ashley had told him she was pregnant with Sarah. The sheer panic that took hold of him, the overwhelming feeling that his life was ending. “Don’t worry about that shit right now, can’t do anything about what’s already done. She’s pregnant. She keeping it?”

“Yeah,” you said, taking a deep breath. “She is, I don’t know what the fuck she’s thinking but…” You closed your eyes for a moment, took another breath and then continued. “She’s keeping it. She’s all excited about it, she’s got a room set aside for a nursery already…”

Joel nodded slowly.

“Well at least she’s planning for it,” he said gently. “What else did she say, how far along is she?”

“It happened in August,” you sighed. “Which she fucking hid from me, by the way. I guess her ex-husband came through, his fucking band is touring. They got together, they fucked, he moved on because that’s what Josh Williams does, he drags my sister off the bandwagon. She’d been doing so well, too, and she just decides to throw it all away on that dumbass…”

“She still sober?” Joel asked gently, trying to guide you back to the more pressing issues.

“Yes, thank fuck,” you said. “Or she says she is, anyway. Given that she didn’t tell me she fucked her ex-husband I’m not sure how much I can trust her! God, this is a fucking mess.”

“What’s got you freaked out,” he said, trying to keep you calm. “Talk me through it.”

“She’s not ready for this, Joel!” You gaped at him like he was insane. “She’s a living disaster! She’s barely got herself a job and it’s the first time she’s ever had one stick longer than a few weeks. She’s never had to feed anyone but herself, never had to look after anyone, she’s never had any responsibilities! And now she’s going to, what, just be a single parent when I don’t think she’s ever even fucking babysat? And that’s assuming she stays sober for the entire pregnancy, that she doesn’t fuck this poor kid up because she slips up. And because Josh is involved, that risk is only going to go up. He’s the one who got her into that shit to begin with, he’s the one who caused every single one of her relapses every time she’s tried to quit before and now he’s the father of her kid!”

You took a deep, trembling breath and your eyes met Joel’s, wide and wet.

“What am I supposed to do?” You asked quietly. “How do I help her with this? Do I move in with her to babysit her? I can’t do this for her, Joel. I would if I could but I can’t and I don’t know how to save her from herself, I just…”

“That ain’t your job,” Joel said gently, reaching out and cupping your cheek. “She’s a grown woman, she can take care of herself.”

“Can she?” You asked. “Because the last time I left her alone to take care of herself, she wound up in the hospital nearly dead. It’s not just her anymore, Joel.”

He sighed, looking you over.

“Alright,” he said. “Here’s what we’re gonna do. I’m gonna grab tequila and we’re gonna go to my room and we’re gonna put on Curtis and Viper and get drunk in bed so we don’t have to move and we’re gonna figure it out. OK?”

You nodded and Joel went to get the bottle of tequila before guiding you back to his room. He gave you a shirt to change into and pulled the movie up, Sarah’s little cat trotting happily into his room with a chipper meow.

“Hi little one,” you said, emerging from his bathroom with your legs bare below his shirt and he fought to not think about that fucking picture. You wiped your eyes before scooping the cat into your arms and joining him in bed, setting Swiftie down between the two of you as you did. Joel handed you the tequila and you took a swig before passing it back, settling against his side with your head on his shoulder. “I really am sorry I ruined your date.”

“Eh, it’s fine,” Joel waved you off before taking a drink himself. “Don’t exactly think she was the one or anything.” You sat up from him, a surprised look on your face. “What?”

“You believe in ‘the one?’”

“I mean…” he shrugged. “What, you don’t?”

You settled against his side again.

“Just seems unlikely,” you said before taking a deep breath. “What am I going to do, Joel?”

“I don’t know that you really need to do anything,” he said. He felt you shift beside him but you stayed against his side.

“What do you mean?” You sounded skeptical.

“I mean,” he said. “A kid… It changes a lot of shit for people. You know how much of a shit show my life was when I found out Sarah was on the way? I got my act together real quick for that girl. She’s the best thing that ever happened to me and lord knows I don’t deserve her but she made me figure things out quick. Yeah, it wasn’t the way I thought shit was going to go but it worked out for the better. Could be the same for her.”

“Maybe,” you sighed, pressing yourself closer to him. He handed you the bottle and you took a swig, spilling a little tequila on the arm of his shirt. “Sorry.”

“S’OK,” he said. “What are you most afraid of with this?”

“Outside of Anna doing something stupid that hurts both herself and the baby?” You asked. “I’m afraid that she’s not going to be able to handle parenthood and I’m going to end up with her kid. I’m not cut out to be a mom, Joel, but I’m scared it’s going to come down to I take the baby or they goes into the system and they’ll be cursed with me raising it.”

Joel frowned, adjusting so he could look at you. You adjusted, too, looking back at him.

“You really think that?” He asked. “That you couldn’t do it?”

“I know I couldn’t.”

“Well that just ain’t true,” he said, the arm that was around your shoulders tightening, his fingers tracing along your skin. “You can do anything, know you can.”

You scoffed.

“What?” He asked. “You can. Seen you with Sarah, you’re a natural. That kid is lucky to have you as their aunt and you’d be a great mom, too, if you needed to step in.”

“Right,” you rolled your eyes and went to tuck yourself against him again but he wouldn’t let you.

“I’m bein’ serious,” he said. “It is going to be OK, Goldie. You’ve got this.”

You still looked skeptical. He pressed on.

“How about this,” he said. “I’ve been there. I know how to get shit ready for a kid and how to raise one on my own. We’ll get your place ready so you can be a hands on aunt, we can even set up Sarah’s old crib here so the kid’s got a place to sleep when you want to come over. Got some toys and a playpen, too. If that happens, you won’t be in it alone. You’ve got me and I’ll help you.”

“Really?” You asked, brows raised.

“Course,” he said, letting you nuzzle into his shoulder again. He hoped you didn’t hear the way his heart picked up when you did. “I’ve got you, Goldie. Not gonna let you just do it alone.”

Swiftie clambered over the blankets and settled into your lap, curling into a small, gray ball before starting to purr.

“See?” He teased lightly. “Even cats know you’d be a good mom. You’re alright.”

“Still think you’re optimistic,” you sniffled a little as you pet the cat. “But guess I can’t expect anything less from someone who apparently believes in the one…”

Joel laughed a little.

“Yeah, gimme shit all you want,” he said, settling down lower in the bed, feeling you there alongside him like you belonged there, wondering how he was supposed to believe in anything else when he knew you. “Just don’t get mad when I’m right.”

You yawned, your body relaxing into him.

“Whatever you say, Joel,” you said, voice sleepy. “Whatever you say.”

A/N: A new baby in the picture might just change some things! And a due date is a heck of a countdown.

Thank you all for being so patient with this. I know I keep saying that I'm going to be back on track with posting and I really am this time. I hope. Maybe. But I really do appreciate you being here, reading this story and sharing in all the love for these characters. It means everything to me.

Thank you thank you thank you! Love you!

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x oc #halcyon #seriously so slow burn it's barely porn and all plot sometimes

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justagalwhowrites · 7 days

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Oh my god this was so gorgeous and tender and hot I love him 😭

Do you think you could write a nervous Joel fic... like he's older and a single dad and hasn't dated in a REALLY REALLY long time...but he's still really sweet, maybe he has to stop and eat reader cos he's about to cum too soon or something 🤷‍♀️😭

Hey, babe!! So I hope this is what you were hoping for! It's super tender and I did end up listening to Hozier for a good portion of it, so do with that information what you will 😅

Also, I kind of did something a bit different and wrote it more from Joel's perspective, but it's still in 2nd person (pronouns = you)! Pls lmk how you feel about it ❤

Pairing: Older Joel Miller x afab!reader

Tags/warnings: Age gap (not specified), piv sex, oral sex (f), vaginal fingering, multiple orgasms, established relationship, (almost) premature ejaculation, accidental love confessions 🤭, self deprecating Joel™, big dick Joel™, kissing, stuff I'm probably forgetting

W/C: 1.9k

Summary: Your and Joel's first time together turns into so much more.

What Matters

“Are you sure, baby?”

Joel watches as your eyes flick up to him, only kindness and patience in them. Even as you smile warmly and wrap your arms around his neck to pull him to you, he still has a sense of cautiousness in his movements. You’ve probably lost track of how many times he’s asked you if you’re sure.

“Yes, Joel, I’m sure,” you laugh breathily.

You’re both lying in his bed, half-naked. There’s a soft summer breeze coming in through the window and rustling the sheer curtains. The sun’s going down, but just barely, causing a perfect golden hue to coat the room. He can’t help but think that you look even more gorgeous than usual in this lighting.

Joel tries to ignore the nervousness in his stomach as he softly kisses your jaw and nuzzles up to you. He’s not stupid, he knows that you know he’s just trying to waste time, but you let him. You’re so fucking sweet like that. Always making him feel so wanted and appreciated. It’s not that he doesn’t want to be with you in this way, but that he’s worried he won’t be perfect for you. He wants to be able to show you affection in the same way that you show him.

But what if he can’t?

You’re younger, after all, and he’s not been with a woman in so long. Maybe not since Sarah’s mom. If that’s the case, it’s been about fifteen, sixteen years. Point in case, you’re probably used to boys who can last longer and can make you come every time. What if he can’t? What if it’s been so long now, that he only lasts a couple of minutes?

It terrifies him, the prospect that you may be disappointed in his performance. What if you decide to leave him because he’s not enough to get you off? No, he realizes, you would never do that. You’re so good, so thoughtful and generous and patient. You’d wait for him, help him get back to the point where he used to be.

But that’s not what he wants. He wants to be good for you now.

“Joel?”

His name falling from your lips has his head raising back up. You look into his eyes with a desperation that he simply can’t ignore.

“Please,” you whisper before planting a feather-light kiss to his lips. He nods slowly before he can think about it.

“Alright, sweetheart. I’ve got you.”

And he does, he knows it. He just hopes he can do it right.

You’re already prepped. He spent probably half an hour fingering you to orgasm even though you had begged for the real thing each time you fell apart on his hand. It’s another thing he was worried about—being so big. Joel’s not a super cocky man by any means, but he is aware of his…attributes.

He watches you carefully as he grasps his cock and guides it to your slippery entrance. Your eyes flutter shut as he pushes in, giving you about an inch each time he thrusts. His jaw goes slack once he’s about halfway in. You’re so fucking warm and wet and inviting. He keeps going, trying to keep his breathy whines at bay. He’s again reminded of just how long it’s been since he’s felt something other than the palm of his hand around himself.

“Shit, baby,” he breathes as he bottoms out. He closes his eyes in concentration and lets his head hang next to yours. He already feels like he might blow his load at any second. You bring a hand up to cup his head and thread his curls through your fingers, holding him close. His breathing is heavy when he lifts himself back up to look into your eyes.

His heart seems to skip a beat when he sees the adoration you’re looking at him with. It kills him every time. And no matter how many times you tell him that he deserves all your affection, he knows he’ll still find a lingering doubt in the back of his mind. There’s a reason the two of you have only been “together” for about four months even though you’ve been shamelessly flirting for about a year.

It was just too good to be true. For such a sweet, gentle thing like you to want a rough old man like him. He was never the one to initiate anything, but he knows you’ve been aware that he had his sore eyes set on you since you met. How could he not? He’s never met anyone so kind and considerate. It was impossible to deny you of him any longer when it was one of the only things you’ve ever wanted for yourself.

“You okay?” Your honeyed voice reaches his ears—or his good ear, rather—and he smiles at you.

“‘Course, baby. Jus’ gotta give me a second, alright?” He can feel his cheeks getting a bit rosy at the confession. “It’s been a minute.”

You nod, still no hesitation or any sign of regret. God, what did he do to deserve you?

Once he collects himself, he pulls out just barely, and a groan tumbles from his mouth to mingle with your soft moan. He’s already starting to sweat from the effort of not coming too soon as he starts to push into you at a slow but rhythmic pace. You wrap your arms around his broad shoulders and tuck your head into his chest as you whimper with his thrusts.

“You feel so good,” you whine.

“Fuck, sweetheart, so d’ you. “Like goddamn heaven.” And you do; overwhelmingly so.

He cradles your head and lowers the two of you even more to deepen his thrusts. He knows he’s found your spot when your breath catches and you start to tighten around him every time he pumps his hips. Unfortunately, this makes it a lot harder for him to keep his composure.

“H-honey, I have to pull out,” he grits out. He’s so embarrassed, it hasn’t even been five minutes. He won’t last long enough for you to come before him.

But you just nod into him, even though you must be devastated by the loss of your orgasm. “It’s okay, Joel,” you breathily assure him.

He pulls out and squeezes the base of his cock, out of breath. He doesn’t meet your gaze as he starts to apologize.

“I’m sorry, baby, I—”

“Joel,” You stop him by carefully grabbing his chin and forcing him to look at you. “It’s okay.” You nod, waiting for him to do the same before you continue. “Take as much time as you need. I love you no matter what. This does not determine—”

You both realize what you said at the same time. Joel’s eyes widen and his chest feels like it caved into itself. Your lips stay still, parted in the middle of your sentence. Joel doesn’t realize tears have gathered in his eyes until his vision starts to blur and a smile spreads across his face.

You love him. You said it. And he believes you.

“I love you too, baby,” he whispers and lets his forehead rest against yours. “So damn much.” Fuck his age and whoever might see a problem with you being together. He wants this, and you want this, and that’s all that matters.

Then you’re both laughing shakily, pressing kisses to each other’s lips. He only stops to start trailing them down your body instead, watching you writhe as his mustache tickles your bare skin.

“Joel, p-please,” you beg quietly. Joel just huffs a small laugh through his nose as he lays himself between your legs, ignoring his protesting knees as he admires the entirety of you laying out just for him. You look fucking beautiful covered in a thin sheen of sweat atop his sheets, needy and panting all for him.

He doesn’t waste too much time before putting his mouth on your sweet pussy, his tongue dragging up your slit to flick at your clit. Joel moans at your taste, sending vibrations racing toward your swollen bud. Your hips buck as your hands fly to grasp at his hair, tugging lightly and making his eyes roll back.

He feasts on you like his life depends on it, worshiping you with all he has. He takes turns in running his tongue up you, fucking you with it the best he can, and suckling on your clit. He looks like a damn mess as he does so, his eyes not leaving your cunt unless he’s watching your face contort with pleasure. When you make eye contact with him, he knows he must look fucked out and desperate just based on the way you groan and lay your head back.

It doesn’t take much for you to get to the edge, and it takes even less for him to push you over. You let out sharp, whiny sounds as he sucks on your clit and slips a couple of fingers inside of you to grip on to. Your entire body goes tense, and Joel has to resist the urge to smirk against you as you shake with the force of your orgasm.

By the time you’re coming down, he’s back over you and slipping his tongue inside your mouth to share your taste. You moan into the kiss and pull him closer as he once again glides his tip into your cunt. Just as he had hoped, the distraction calmed him down enough to hopefully give him some more time.

You both melt into each other as he bottoms out, the tip of his swollen cock hitting your cervix and making your thighs squeeze his torso. He starts at a faster pace than last time, too deep in his lust-filled haze to even try to slow down now.

You pull away from his mouth to start leaving love bites on his neck, making his cock twitch inside of you with each pinch. He can feel you smile against his skin, and knows that you’ve found his secret. He does like a little pain with his pleasure. You keep going, sucking and biting marks before licking soothingly over them and moving to the next spot. You taste him like you’re addicted, like you could never possibly get enough.

It still doesn’t take him as long as he would like to before he starts to feel his balls drawing up and his thighs start to shake. His head goes foggy as he tries to hold on for you, but it’s too fucking much. He can’t hold it off when you feel so good around him. It’s like torture to stave off his orgasm when he’s thrusting into your soft heat.

“Where d’ you want me, honey?” Joel asks you, his voice strained.

“Inside,” you whisper against his neck without a second thought.

And it throws him over. He groans your name as his body stutters and his balls empty, coating your walls with his milky spend. It seems to go on forever. Each time he thinks he’s almost done, there’s another spurt and another wave of pleasure that tugs him deeper into euphoria.

When it does end, he lets himself half-collapse on top of you. You embrace him with welcoming arms and the two of you catch your breath together in the now dark bedroom. He only pulls out once sleep threatens to take the both of you. A shower, snack, and a glass of water later, you both snuggle up together and fall asleep with content smiles and full hearts.

*****

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#joel miller x reader smut #fic rec

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