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#i just wanna get out of this i just keep getting sadder!! i’d rather not even exist does my involvement matter??
arthur-r · 1 year
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i’ve gotten really bad over break at falling asleep in a time frame where i can wake up in the morning and function at capacity. but in other news i’ve written a very angry song aimed at my father. so that’s fun
#good morning everybody i tried so hard to go to sleep when i still had a chance at eight hours#i’m still gonna get seven but that’s like. if i fall asleep immediately#anyway my dad deserves to have a song about his problems i focused too much on my mom with hard to break#although actually the core memory that made me want to write that song is my dad calling me a monster when i was like ten#however the song itself is mostly about the way my mom looks at me. where it’s like i’m not human. which is a mom thing#anyway things have been really bad at home lately like i’ve mostly avoided talking about it but literally earlier today i packed a bag to#run away and just kind of changed my mind when i found out my mom was working#(because the type of running away i mean is not as drastic as it necessarily sounds. mostly just wanted to move into the apartment#permanently and im basically going to do that starting next week like i’ll be supposed to go home but i can always decide not to)#anyway do you kiss my mother with that mouth or let your anger rise and cuss her out? do you want to fuck her or do you say fuck her?#either way you fucking overshare!! do you kiss my mother with that mouth? or tell me to shut up and get the fuck out?#and when you tell those jokes do you understand how deep it goes? cant you see i’m broken from the actions that you chose??#i just wanna get out of this i just keep getting sadder!! i’d rather not even exist does my involvement matter??#[/ly] anyway then the song goes on after that for another while. but it’s like. long. so i’ll spare you the rest#came up with the first bit on guitar a few days ago and my dad heard the chords from my room and was like hey that sounds like pink floyd#and i had to be like nope just a chromatic scale. and be glad that i was only whispering the words#anyway if you see me right now no you don’t. and i am so incredibly asleep rn. spooky scary talking in my sleep (/all of this is untrue)#sleeping is like. my favorite hobby. but i am entirely incapable of it when there are this many anxieties floating around my head#it also maybe doesn’t help that i finished the caffeinated lemonade this morning at like 1pm. digging my own hole to lie in here#anyway im going to try and stay after school tomorrow and then go to the apartment from there. rather than see my dad and pretend we’re okay#but hi from after midnight. i miss the days where i could sleep in until ten cause im kind of a night owl i just also really like sleeping#like if i could be blathers from animal crossing and nap for twelve hours getting woke up every once in a while and given a fossil and then#going back to sleep. and then waking up when it’s dark out and every once in a while getting given a fossil. that’s the life#anyway sorry for still being here. i was eyes closed for a while and my do not disturb has been on this whole time. and yet i’m awake#going to post this and go to sleep. though. cause unless we get another snow day in a row then i do have school tomorrow morning#and a snow day would actually be terrible because of. aforementioned not wanting to be at home. and being snowed in is terrifying#ok anyway i really have to go to sleep but yeah. goodnight world wish me luck again with sleeping!!#me. my post. mine.#delete later#ask to tag
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mlmxreader · 23 days
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05/04 onwards prompts
side note: this prompt list is only for requests to be sent to @mlmxreader , please do not use for your own writing or your own inspiration, thank you.
rules: you can mix & match as always!! multiple prompts can be sent at a time!! there's 30 in each (90 in total), so there should be plenty!
RULES & GUIDELINES
misc dialogue
“I did it exactly the way you liked it”
“Call it off!”
“Either you get out of my face, or you kiss me”
“Look, I can keep you safe here”
“Didn’t I promise to always be there?”
“Look me in the eyes and tell me that it meant nothing”
“Did you mean what you said?”
“Please tell me you found something”
“Just ignore the bloody phone”
“Seemed like your kinda thing”
“Bite your fucking tongue or I will cut it out”
“Are you sure that this is what you want?”
“Sit down. We need to talk about whatever the fuck this is between us”
“Easy, easy! Calm down!”
“Can you, erm, can you stay the night? I don’t… I don’t wanna be alone”
“I trust you - it’s everybody else I don’t trust”
“We can’t unring this bell”
“Isn’t that what you always wanted?”
“So, what’d you wanna do?”
“Stop biting your lip like that”
“Are you trying to make me jealous?” “Maybe”
“I just need to hear you say that this - me - is what you want”
“You said you couldn’t stay.” “It’s different”
“Don’t leave me again”
“Do not fucking scare me like that!”
“C’mon, it ain’t all bad”
“Not even a good luck kiss?”
“We can do this together, if that’s what you want”
“What’s the matter with you? You’re all… distant and shit”
“Sucks, don’t it?”
rules & guidelines
LYRICS
Orville Peck: Dead Of Night, Winds Change, Turn To Hate, Queen Of The Rodeo, Kansas (Remembers Me Now)
Judas Priest: Breaking The Law, Grinder, United, You Don’t Have To Be Old To Be Wise
“You're right by my side”
“You wake me up, you say it's time to ride”
“I don't mean no lies, baby, please don't lose it”
“From the way that we said goodbye, I knew I'd never see you again”
“Don't leave, don't cry”
“You're just another boy caught in the rye”
“Tell me you can't wait”
“Tell me you can stay”
“You rode on in with nowhere else to go”
“You know the tune so the words don't matter”
“Beyond this town lies a life much sadder”
“Babe, I know”
“Come and lay down your shoulder”
“Tomorrow isn't that far”
“Just know you were always my star”
“All inside it's so frustrating as I drift from town to town”
“Feel as though nobody cares if I live or die”
“I've had every promise broken, there's anger in my heart”
“You don't know what it's like, you don't have a clue”
“That's why I won't get caught”
“I need room to breathe”
“I take my leave”
“They're moving in”
“Hold your ground”
“We can do it”
“So keep it up”
“Don't give in”
“Let's get one thing straight”
“I'll choose my fate”
“And it's got nothing to do with you”
rules & guidelines
FILMS
Horror: JAWS (1975), The Silence of the Lambs (1991), The Thing (1982), The Wolf Man (1941), Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931)
“You yell shark, and we got a panic on our hands on the fourth of July”
“It wasn’t any propeller, it wasn’t any coral reef, and it wasn’t any Jack the Ripper - it was a shark”
“This guy, he keeps swimming around in place until the food goes down”
“Smile, you son of a bitch”
“But are you strong enough to point that high-powered perception at yourself? What about it? Why don’t you - why don’t you look at yourself and write down what you see? Or maybe you’re afraid to”
“I know you gentlemen have been through a lot, but when you find the time, I’d rather not spend the rest of this winter tied to this fucking couch!”
“Yeah, fuck you, too!”
“You gotta be fuckin’ kidding”
“I dunno what the hell’s in there, but it’s weird and pissed off whatever it is”
“You’re gonna have to sleep sometime.” “I’m a real light sleeper”
“Now I’ll show you what I already know”
“The generator’s gone.” “Any way we can fix it?” “It’s gone”
“Poor baby, you’re starting to lose it”
“There’s a storm hitting us in about six hours. We’re going to find out who’s who”
“The way you walked was thorny, through no fault of your own, but as the rain enters the soil, the river enters the sea, so tears run to a predestined end”
“Frightened, of what?” “Of the night.” “Rubbish. You startled me.”
“A werewolf can only be killed by a silver bullet, or a silver knife...or a stick with a silver handle”
“I tell you, I killed a wolf! A plain, ordinary wolf!”
“It isn't a wolf... it's a werewolf!”
“Were you hurrying back to the castle? Did you have a moment's doubt? Were you hurrying to make sure he's all right?”
“Now you asked me if I believe a man can become a wolf. If you mean "Can it take on the physical traits of an animal?" No, it's fantastic.”
“Just imagine having a stuffed werewolf staring at you from the wall!”
“Is this your walking stick?” “Why, yes. That's the stick I killed the wolf with.”
“Don't try to make me believe that I killed a man when I know that I killed a wolf!”
“There's something very tragic about that man... and I'm sure that nothing but harm will come to you through him.”
“It's not a horse's head. That's a wolf's head. Make a note of that”
“Whoever is bitten by a werewolf and lives becomes a werewolf himself.” “Ah, don't hand me that. You're just wasting your time.” “The wolf bit you, didn't he?” “Yeah. Yeah he did!”
“Perhaps you prefer a gentleman. One of those fine-mannered and honourable gentlemen. Those panting hypocrites”
“Forgotten it? Can a man dying of thirst forget water? And do you know what would happen to that thirst if it were to be denied water?”
“Gentlemen like me have to be very careful of what we do and say”
rules & guidelines
SONG FICS!
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pookiepoodle · 3 years
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Finding out you’re a Little ft. Inarizaki
I don’t own any art (except the lovely swirly thing). Please check out my masterlist and send in requests. This is an age-regression piece, so expect that kind of content (all non-sexual). Aran’s involves diapers as a medical need. 
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Suna
You wanna watch cartoons after a long day of studying for your upcoming university exams.  
Suna smirks a little but doesn’t say anything, shrugging as he pulls you up against his chest, the screen flashing with bright colors. 
You don’t even notice the smirk and you can feel yourself growing smaller, your eyes shining as you giggle at the silly antics of the characters.
 Now, Suna has a faint idea of what’s happening. He’s always on his phone so he sees a lot of different communities and right now, you’re reminding him of something. 
“Ya know Princess, you’re acting really cute right now,” he begins, his hands wrapped around your waist as you stare at the TV. You feel rather small and you can’t help but giggle, snuggling back into his chest. Suna always makes you feel so safe, especially when you feel like this. Though, you don’t tend to regress in front of your boyfriend as he (at least in your mind) doesn’t know anything about your tendencies to do so. 
“You feeling small?”
That question makes you sit up straight, the cartoons forgotten as you realise what Suna said. Suna knew. He knew you were an age regressor. There was no way he asked that and didn’t understand the implications of it. But… he wasn’t freaking out. He wasn’t grossed out or asking her to stop. So shyly, you nod, holding your breath as you wait for his response.
“Alright, how about we order some pizza for dinner and we just cuddle, keep watching your show?” he hums, making you smile brightly at the thought of having delicious pizza. But, even more so at the fact that your boyfriend knows you so well. 
You’ll talk to him more about your age regression tomorrow, when you’re feeling bigger, but for now? 
You simply cuddle him, watching your show with a happy heart.
Kita
You can’t stop staring at the coloring books during your weekly shopping trip at the grocery store. 
Kita doesn’t say anything, letting you look over them all. He notices you keep going back to a specific one and will suddenly grab it, putting it into the cart.
You jump a little, blushing brightly when you realise that a) he caught you staring at children’s coloring books and b) he’s put it in the shopping cart, clearly intending to buy it for you.
Kita isn’t aware of what age regression is per say, so he simply thinks that you want to color. 
“They also do adult coloring books, Y/N,” Kita says, pointing at some of the other ones, but you shake your head no. Those ones are too detailed, too finicky for when you’re little. You’ll only get frustrated and cry, so instead you prefer to use the ones meant for kids.
“That’s alright, do you need crayons or anything?” he continued, acting as if his girlfriend/boyfriend/partner wanting a kids coloring book was normal (AN: totally is). 
“Kita, don’t you think it’s… weird?” you finally said, your voice small as you met his eyes. Kita was a straight-forward man and you expected him to be brutally honest with you. 
“Why would it be weird?”
“Well… it’s a kids coloring book and I’m supposed to be Big-” you began, cutting yourself off at the last word. You’d meant to say adult.
“Big? Y/N, is everything alright?” Kita asks calmly, moving closer to you. You can feel his hand against the small of your back, a comforting gesture.
“Can… can we talk about it in the car?” you ask, trying to keep yourself calm. You knew it was time to tell Kita (you’d been dating for years now) but even so, it was a scary thought. 
“Of course, we’re nearly done with the shopping,” Kita nodded, taking your hand as he led you to get the last few items. Throughout the process of paying and leaving the shop, you didn’t say a word to him, trying to figure out how to best tell him the truth.
“Just sit in the car, darling, I’ll load the shopping,” Kita insists, leaving you to twiddle your thumbs in the front seat, until you hear him get in next to you.
“Y/N, I don’t want to force you to tell me what’s going on, but I want to let you know that you can trust me.”
And with those words, you began to tell him everything about your little side, how you love to color and drink apple juice from your sippy. As you speak, he will ask questions as a lot of the terms you use are unfamiliar to him, but once you’re done, he gives you a small smile, reaching across to grab your hand.
“Y/N, when we get home, may I color with you?”
With a bright smile, you nod, relieved at how accepting your wonderful boyfriend is.
Aran
He finds your “protection” when he’s in your room. 
He was really confused and tried to act like he didn’t see it, simply nudging the packaging further under the bed.
But you saw his eyes widen, his face grow red and you know that he knows. 
With tears filling your eyes, you push him out your way as you run into the bathroom, locking the door as you sink to the ground, sobbing. 
Immediately, he panics, trying the door handle but to no avail.
He has no idea what’s going on, but all he knows is that his beloved girlfriend/boyfriend/partner is upset and he just wants to comfort you. 
You were a mess behind the door, sobbing your heart out as the events just kept replaying in your mind. He saw your “adult protection” which, let’s be honest, were just diapers. The fancy name always made you feel a little bit better when buying them, but now, it was just that. A fancy name for a humiliating product. There was no way that Aran wasn’t going to dump you.
“Y/N, please let me in!”
“No! J-Just g-go…”
“I’m not leaving until we talk about this, okay?”
Aran could be stubborn when he wanted to be and you realised that this was going to be one of those times. He wouldn’t leave until you talked to him, even if it took hours.
“C-Can we talk through the d-door?” 
“Of course, sweetheart,” you heard him say, his tone gentle and reassuring as you try to pull yourself together.
You then proceeded to very shakily explain about your little space. Aran had his phone out and if he didn’t recognise a word, he quickly googled it as to not have to make you answer his questions. In little space, you sometimes had problems controlling your bladder at night and after waking up with wet sheets far too often, you’d decided it was best to get some form of protection. Once you’d finished speaking, there was a silence.
“I-It’s okay if y-you don’t w-want this, I g-get it…” you whispered, tears filling your eyes once more as you waited for Aran to agree.
“Why would I not want you?”
You immediately sit up, shocked.
“Y/N, I love you, a lot. I think it’s amazing that you’re able to find a way to relax and be happy, not everyone can do that. I think you’re adorable already, I can’t imagine how cute you are when you’re little. I’m so lucky, shoot, I’ve got the cutest girlfriend ever…”
“But what about… ya know…”
“The protection? Sweetheart, that’s not your fault. You’re so brave and smart and kind and amazing and I would be a jerk if I dumped you because of something as silly as that. Heck, I used to change my little sister’s diapers all the time, I’m not bothered by it.”
“I-I’m not asking for your help!”
“Ah, wait, I didn’t mean- like if you wanted or needed it, I’d love to take care of you, even if you need help with that, but only if you want to,” he panicked, bright red as he realised that he was probably being a bit too forward.
There was another pause before the bathroom lock clicked and the door opened. 
“L-Let’s t-take it slow… but I’d l-like to watch a movie with you.”
Osamu
You were crying because your mom said she thought she accidentally tossed out your lovie/stuffie.
He was really confused because you were at Miya Onigiri and you just kept crying, so he immediately pulls you into the back room, glaring at the staff to keep them out as he just hugs you. You know that you’re regressing but you’re just in such a panic that you can’t really care, clinging to him as you babble, tears streaming down your face.
 Instinctively, he wraps his arms around you, gently bouncing you on his knee as he pats your back, mumbling that,” Everything’s gonna be alright, Y/N, okay? Yer alright, just take a deep breath…” 
After a while, you manage to calm down, though you’re still trembling in his arms as you catch your breath. Of course, Osamu isn’t the type to just let things like this slip and he will immediately ask if he can talk to you about it.
“Alright, we need to talk about what happened, Angel,” he sighs, shifting you on his lap so that you’re facing him properly, though he refuses to let you go. 
“It’s not that big of a deal…” you mumble, your face now pink and tear-stained as you look away from him. You’d always tried to keep this side of yourself private but hearing that your Mom might have tossed out Bunny… Even thinking about it again was enough to make you tear up, which your boyfriend noticed immediately.
“It seems like a big deal to me,” he replied, moving to wipe away the fresh tears,” C’mon, Y/N, you know I don’t care if it’s embarrassing or something. Remember when I had to call ye because I got food poisoning and that bastard used all the toilet paper?”
You couldn’t help but laugh at the memory, nodding as you let his thumb rub against your cheeks lovingly. 
“So, please, I just wanna know,” he finished, giving you a pleading look.
So, you told him everything. He obviously had questions, interrupting you when you used terms he was unfamiliar with and when he just needed something clarified. You grew sadder when you started talking about your rabbit plushie, explaining what had happened and he hugged you to his chest gently.
“That’s awful, Angel, I’m real sorry,” he mumbled,” Listen though. I’m gonna learn more about this and if ya let me, I wanna be a part of it. I like taking care of ye already, so if yer willing to give me a chance, let me try, m’kay?”
You were so happy, you nearly started crying again as you nodded.
“How about helping me look for Bunny after work?”
And with a nod from Osamu, that’s how he became your Daddy.
(afternote: Bunny had fallen behind the bed and was found!)
Atsumu
You accidentally open the door with your paci in your mouth. 
He notices it and smiles, wrapping his arms around you without even saying something, though he makes sure to close the door quickly so other people don’t see. 
You don’t even realise that you’re wearing your paci until you move to give him a kiss, his hand moving to pull it out before giving you a small peck.
 Immediately, you pull back, eyes widened as you try and grab the mouth piece back, humiliated. 
Atsumu knows that look in your eyes and immediately gives it back, but not before grabbing your hand and dragging you to the living room, where he pulls you onto his lap for snuggles.
“So… nice paci,” he begins, watching you blush adorably as you hide it in your pockets.
“Thanks,” you mumble, unable to meet his eyes as you wish you could disappear right now or that a coconut would fall from the ceiling and hit Atsumu in the head. Just hard enough to wipe his memory of the last 10 minutes. 
“Do ye use it a lot or just sometimes?” he asked. He wasn’t teasing you (as you had expected), seeming to be genuinely curious about your little habit.
“Umm… just sometimes, when I feel like it,” you continue, blushing, nervously playing with your hair as you try to keep calm. 
“If ye wanna keep using it, go ahead,” he smiles, pressing a kiss to your forehead.
“You don’t think I’m a freak?”
“What? Has someone said something to you about it?!” Atsumu suddenly exclaimed, his eyes filled with fire. If anyone had teased you about this, he was ready to kick their ass.
“No, no! I was just wondering, most people think stuff like this is weird for an adult…” you mumbled, feeling self conscious. You were so caught up in your thoughts that you didn’t even feel Atsumu reaching into your pocket and grabbing your paci. At least, not until he gently pushed it into your mouth, making your eyes widen. You went to pull it out, but he stopped you gently holding it in place as he spoke.
“I think yer adorable, Y/N. I’m gonna do some more research n stuff, since I think I’ve heard about this, but only if ye want me to.”
You pause, thinking it over before gently nodding, making him smile brightly.
“Alright baby, lets just relax for now.”
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shortkingvi · 3 years
Note
the team rwby girls for the ask meme :)
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alright settle in kids,,,,,,, let's do this one
Ruby:
favorite thing about them
just,,,,,, how good she is,,,,, the way they've managed to portray her growing up super well while also keeping that distinct innocence and childhood optimism about her is what makes ruby such a wonderful protag i think, and i really really love how, at the end of the day, she is just good, you know?
least favorite thing about them
this is moreso a plot/writing thing, but i don't always LOVE how she just has plans ready and is always the one to figure things out,,,,,, i understand plot armour and protag themes and whatnot, but i wish that they'd make the route to a plan a LITTLE more complex at times and i think a lot of that rests on ruby specifically
favorite line
"you were, and then you trained us"
GOD when she said this line????? i screamed it's SO good
brOTP
give me more nora and ruby interactions crwby i'm begging
OTP
nuts n dolts 😭 my beloved
nOTP
aside from the obvious ones? maybe wh*terose??? i don't HATE it, i just don't really get it u know?
random headcanon
enby ruby,,,,,,, also maybe she builds lego too
unpopular opinion
i don't listen to anyone ever so i don't know what's unpopular but uhhhhhh,,,,,, i guess i'm not crazy about people desperately searching for a pairing for her??? as much as i love nnd, i'd much rather ruby have ruby stay single through the show because i just feel like it makes more sense re: her character
also some of the pairings ppl think up are SO bad
song i associate with them
over the line - state champs,,,,,,, i cannot explain it, it just IS
favorite picture of them
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her fucking SMUG face when she fell off the bridge i love it
Weiss:
favorite thing about them
man just like,,,,,,, so much,,,,,,, her dedication to PEOPLE in particular is so beautiful. she grew up with not a lot of love expressed freely and so the way she treats the people in her life now that she's grown and found safety is so endearing because she handles everyone with such care
least favorite thing about them
the fact that they haven't given her a dramatic anime protag haircut yet
favorite line
"i don't know loneliness like you do, i have my own version"
had to stop and absorb that one the first time i heard it,,,,,,, oof
brOTP
freezerburn babeyyyyyyyyyyyyy
OTP
schneekos,,,,, i pray to my schneekos shrine every night and am currently planning a fic about them
nOTP
🐝🐝❄️
random headcanon
trans weiss is my big one,,,,,, also she loves baking but is a horrible cook
unpopular opinion
hate it when she sings,,,,,,, this is moreso because i just can't handle characters/actors singing without cringing violently,,,,,,, leave me alone
song i associate with them
VOID - lil nas x,,,,,,, v much introspective weiss, lonely weiss, v4 weiss etc.
bonus: where i wanna be - A R I Z O N A is a weiss to pyrrha schneekos song
favorite picture of them
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it's just a really beautifully animated scene
also when u realize that's pyrrha spear it gets way sadder ok bye
Blake:
favorite thing about them
might honestly die trying to answer this because, as much as i don't talk about her indvidually, she's SUCH an excellent character,,,,,,, i think her dedication to her friends and her ability to read emotions is really wonderful and always so refreshing
least favorite thing about them
no kiss yang yet >:(
jk maybe how type b she's become? i'd like to see her take some more leadership roles in the upcoming seasons rather than just kinda going with the flow, because she's a good leader and that should be a plot device that's utilized more
favorite line
"but that's just it... they're only a part of you. don't forget about the rest"
i just love it so much
brOTP
ladybug,,,,,, i LOVE ladybug
OTP
don't have one 😔 wish i did tho :(
nOTP
🐝🐝❄️
random headcanon
blake is an online shopper and has to be controlled by the team because she spends too much on the daily
unpopular opinion
maybe that i don't think she truly recognized and acknowledged her feelings for yang FULLY until like,,,,,,,, v6? i think she was in denial before then
song i associate with them
it's gonna be okay, baby - MUNA,,,,,,, just listen to it and agree with me thanks
favorite picture of them
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bestie that's GAY
Yang:
favorite thing about them
GOD,,,,,, i latched onto her so quickly so this is hard but uhhhhh, i love that she effortlessly switches between team mom and team child depending on what role she needs to play at the time,,,,, i think that flexibility makes her the biggest team player in the show (which is all about teams so that's saying something)
least favorite thing about them
how her passion is sometimes seen as straight up brashness or naivety,,,,, i think she's not always the best communicator so it can seem like she's not thinking at times even though she's very methodical
favorite line
"if there's a chance of reward money, i say we go for it"
not my FAVOURITE favourite, but i love that she was willing to sell weiss at the drop of a hat
brOTP
either freezerburn or her and coco
OTP
again,,,,,, wish i had one 😞
nOTP
her and any man,,,,,,, also what i listed above
random headcanon
summer used to do her hair for her which is why she's so sensitive about people touching it now
unpopular opinion
she's not,,,,,, stupid lol and i feel like a lot of the fandom loves to pretend she is
song i associate with them
have you seen my son - benjamin booker
idk man, just trust me on this
favorite picture of them
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we peaked right here in this moment
send me a character!
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vikingqueer · 3 years
Text
music recommendations because i have some thoughts™
i don't wanna be that person who's like "my music taste is so weird lol" but i find that very often most of my friends don't really care for the music i like so i thought i'd just make a long ass post about it on tumblr instead. Fair warning, I'm very passionate about MIKA and The Mechanisms and so this very quickly got VERY long because it is part of my ongoing campaign to convince people to listen to mika and the mechs.
1) MIKA in general, but especially My Name Is Michael Holbrook (2019) and No Place In Heaven (2015) (especially the Deluxe version!!)
MIKA is a kind of British singer (half Lebanese, grew up in France blabla), and you probably know him for Grace Kelly and Relax, Take It Easy from his first album Life In Cartoon Motion from 2007. He writes a lot of FUN music, interspersed with the occasional slightly sadder song, especially when looking at an album like No Place In Heaven, which contains a lot of songs with gay themes, resulting in some songs that are just a little bit ouch. He's originally classically trained and has a frankly RIDICULOUS range and idk he just writes very good pop music. Also I have so much respect for that time he talked about how a lot of pop is very fake, with like expensive cars and stilettos and mini skirts in the snow and said "Because I walk down the street, and I don't see any of that. I see fat women and gay men. I don't know... That's real". He's written 5 albums; My Name Is Michael Holbrook (2019), No Place In Heaven (2015), The Origin Of Love (2012), The Boy Who Knew Too Much (2009), and Life In Cartoon Motion (2007).
For starters, I recommend listening to Last Party, Origin Of Love, Grace Kelly, Blame It On The Girls, Blue, Happy Ending, Pick Up Off The Floor, Last Party, Underwater, Tomorrow and Tiny Love (yes this is a long list but i REALLY love MIKA). If you want a slightly broader palette that's not just my favourites, I recommend the Mika starter pack on spotify.
2) The Mechanisms. I warn you. I am making this a thing. I have been obsessed with the mechs since last march.
Boy, where to start? The Mechanisms were a British 9 member space pirate story-telling cabaret that "died" in January 2020. They rewrite songs to fit retellings of various stories. I don't even know what genre I'd describe them as, but probably folk but steam-punk?? Their 4 "main" albums are concept albums, and I honestly just recommend listening to the from beginning to end in chronological order. A good way to get into the mechs is also to listen to UDAD and then watching the live show on youtube or alternately try giving Death To The Mechanisms a listen, to get good quality live show audio of TBI and various other stuff. Also, it was streamed on YouTube and someone combined the footage with the album audio and it rocks. Really, I think the mechs' best selling points are honestly just their concept albums:
Once Upon a Time (In Space) Their first album from 2012. I'd say this is the most "easily digestible" for the general public, since it's a retelling of various fairytales. So, what if Old King Cole was in fact not merry, but rather a cold-blooded dictator, intent on colonising as much of the galaxy as possible. What if Snow White was a general, looking to avenge what King Cole did to her sister, Rose. What if Cinderella was to be wedded to Rose the day that King Cole attacked in order to kidnap Rose? But y'know, In Space and also like every other mechs album it's a beautiful tragedy. Fave songs are Old King Cole, Pump Shanty, and No Happy Ending.
Ulysses Dies at Dawn You guessed it, it's a story about Odysseus, or Ulysses because I guess Ulysses is easier to rhyme or fit in the meter or something, idk. Ulysses is a war hero of unknown gender who is said to keep something that could take down the corrupt Olympians, meanest families in the City, in a vault to which only they know the passcode. Oedipus, Heracles, Orpheus, and Ariadne have been hired by Hades, who happens to be The Mechs' quartermaster Ashes O'Reilly, to get into Ulysses' vault. I didn't care much for udad at first, but honestly it's got some real bangers and the story is really good. UDAD weirdly stands out as the only of the concept albums to not feature any gay relationships, per se. Fave songs are Riddle of the Sphinx, Favoured Son, and Underworld Blues.
High Noon over Camelot This is my favourite mehcs album. So basically, this is Arthurian legend, but it's a space western and Jonny D'Ville does a bad southern accent. This is the story of the cowboy lovers Arther, Lancelot, and Guinevere searching for the Galfridian Restricted Acces Interface Login, or GRAIL, in order to stop their world from falling into the sun. Meanwhile, Mordred and Gawaine are ruling Camelot, and Mordred has convinced Gawaine to try to establish peace with the Saxons by whom Mordred was raised, but Gawaine hates viciously. If you love getting your heart broken and songs by a fucking off the rails batshit preacher I HIGHLY recommend hnoc. Fave songs are Gunfight at the Dolorous Guard, Blood and Whiskey, and Once and Future King. Honorary mention for Hellfire because it awakens something animalistic in me.
The Bifrost Incident TBI is the frankly only good adaptation of norse mythology I've ever known of, and I say that as Dane who was literally forced to learn things about norse mythology in school because it's my heritage or whatever. I've been listening to TBI a lot lately because it's VERY good. It's definitely the most refined of the mechs' albums (because it's the newest) but also I just love a little bit of cosmic horror. 80 years ago, Odin, the All-Mother, ruler of Asgaard, launched a train through the wormhole Bifrost that would reduce the travel between Asgaard and Midgaard from 3 months to 3 days, but things didn't go quite as planned. Lyfrassir Edda of the New Midgaard Transport Police is trying to solve the case of why suddenly the train has arrived 80 years late; to figure out whether it was accident or maybe it was sabotaged by Loki, who was allegedly sentence to death her murder of Baldur, by the Midgaardian resistance led by Loki's wife Sigyn, or maybe by Thor, who was to take over after Odin, and who holds quite the grudge because he used to be a friend of Loki's. You might've heard the song Thor from this album, it's apparently quite popular. Fave songs are Loki, Ragnarok III: Strange Meeting, and Ragnarok V: End of The Line. Yet again an honorary mention: Red Signal because while Lovecraft was a bitch, his invocations are fucking RAW.
Basically, the Mechanisms do all of their performances in character as captain first mate Jonny D'Ville, quartermaster Ashes O'Reilly, pilot DrumBot Brian, master-at-arms Gunpowder Tim, science officer Raphaella la Cognizi, doctor Baron Marius Von Raum (neither a baron, nor a doctor), archivist Ivy Alexandria, engineer Nastya Rasputina, and The Toy Soldier, who is, as usual, present. You can find very obscure lore about the crew of the Aurora here, tidbits on Tales To Be Told and TTBT Vol. 2, such as One Eyed Jacks, The Ignominious Demise of Dr. Pilchard, Gunpowder Tim vs. The Moon Kaiser, Lucky Sevens, and Lost in the Cosmos.
If you feel like listening to a full 40-50 minute album to find out if you like a band is a bit much, I recommend listening to one of the mini stories Alice, Swan Song, or Frankenstein, which are about 12, 5 and 9:30 minutes respectively.
3) The Amazing Devil You know that guy who played Jaskier in the Witcher? I got into The Amazing Devil from spotify recommending them because I listened to the mechs, and apparently Joey Batey from The Amazing Devil is the same Joey Batey who was in the Witcher. Both him and Madeleine Hyland are VERY talented singers and songwriters and their second album The Horror and the Wild makes me go out into the forest and SCREAM. I listened to it on repeat for like a month straight. I guess they'd also be considered folk, but like. New Folk. Also yes, this is another British artist, I don't know why I'm like this. I've never really gotten that into their first album, Love Run, but King slaps. As I understand there's this whole lore about the Blue Furious Boy and Scarlet Scarlet, Joey and Madeleine respectively, but unlike the Mechanisms it's actually possible to find out things about the actual real people and harder to find the obscure lore? I'm open for people to please help me. Fave songs are The Horror and the Wild, Farewell Wanderlust, and That Unwanted Animal, which is literally a third of their second album, but again. I haven't really listened to Love Run that much, and I just LOVE the harmonies on THATW. (also im gay and dramatic leave me alone)
4) dodie I have so much love for this woman. Like many others, I first knew dodie as doddleoddle on youtube. I think I first stumbled across her in probably 2015, because I distinctly already knew her before she released her first EP Sick of Losing Soulmates in 2016. I think I watched probably every video she's ever made in the span of a few weeks. I just loved her quiet sound and was absolutely HOOKED. Also she's actually the reason I got into MIKA originally, so thanks for that. Dodie just realeased her first album Build A Problem (in addition to her three EP's; the one mentioned above, You, and Human) and it slaps. Yes dodie is also British Fave songs are probably Monster, Rainbow, and In The Middle.
5) Cladia Boleyn Unfortunately, Claudia Boleyn only has three singles and that's it. She's been making content on youtube for quite a while, and that's how I first discovered her. I don't know what genre her music is, but I like it. The songs are Celesta, George, and Mother Maiden Crone, of which the latter is my favourite. I'm not saying Claudia Boleyn invented women in 2017 when she released Mother Maiden Crone, but she did. Also you guessed it, Claudia Boleyn is British.
6) Hozier I'm not about to tell you about Hozier. You know who he is. Listen to Nina Cried Power, Angel Of Small Death & The Codeine Scene, and Shrike. Also Hozier isn't stricly British in that he is definitely from A British Isle, but Ireland is not part of the UK. Give me a break.
7) Oh Land Oh Land IS DANISH. I like her early music best, because I'm not that into the electronic sound. I guess Oh Land is just you regular old pop, but with the occasional weird vibe? Oddly enough, I like her first album Fauna best. Unfortunately I haven't really listened to her newest album Family Tree much, but it seems good? Fave songs are Frostbite, Love You Better and Family Tree. I cried on the bus, first time I listened to the Danish version of Love You Better, Elsker Dig Mer because my mother tongue always just hits harder. Also Frostbite is Oh Land doing a duet with herself which is pretty cool.
8) Oysterband This is a live recommendation. I mean they're a decent folk band and all, but they're a fucking experience live. If you like folk and you ever get the opportunity to see Oysterband live, do it. Unfortunately, yes. They are British. Either way, they are incredible on a scene and I think they deserve a mention for that.
9) Ben Platt Honestly don't know much about this guy, but he's not British and he was in Dear Evan Hansen. He released an album in 2019, Sing To Me Instead, and I just think it's a good album, there isn't really not much more to it. Fave songs are Grow As We Go, Bad Habit, and In Case You Don't Live Forever.
and thats all for now. this has been a ramble. shout out to you if you actually read all of this, especially the mechs part.
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elizabeatrice · 4 years
Text
Episode 12 - The Little Mermaid
Let’s Talk About JSHK Anime #3
Warning: Manga spoilers for The Little Mermaid arc, The Clock Keeper arc, and chapter 64!!! (just a bit, skip point no. 5, 6, and 10 if you don’t want to get spoiled) Also … this ended up way longer than I intended.
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Well that was one heck of a feels trip. It’s probably my new favorite episode, just because everyone is here being wholesome lmao.
This is mostly hananene meta I ain’t even gonna lie.
Before we begin, shout out to Black Canyon, our newest anime cutie pie. Just look at him, folks. Just chilling with his sunflower seed.
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He has no idea the kind of life his owner leads.
I said before that the best part of episode 12 is how it made Daydream worse, so now I’m gonna ramble about it.
“Maybe different species can’t understand each other after all.”
“Maybe it would be better if I were an apparition too.”
This is my favorite part of the episode. And no, not in the sense that I want Nene to die just so that she and Hanako can be together. But because of how Lerche actually explored deeper what was said only once in the manga.
Well, both in the manga and anime Nene ended up accepting the mermaid’s blood because of her desire to be popular, but the anime decided to revisit what she said earlier in the episode.
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Not only did that make her decision kinda less selfish, it’s also just … sad. Thinking that your friend, someone you really cared about, doesn’t trust you enough to tell you things about themselves, to the point where you’re willing to go to such lengths as turning into an apparition just to understand them.
And if you think about it, isn’t this part of her true wish? To have her feelings be reciprocated? Man I just realized that as I wrote this and I am mindblown.
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She thought she finally got her wish with Hanako. I mean, he said it himself in the first ep (”You wanted someone, anyone, to return your feelings, right? And as far as you’re concerned, sharing a bond with someone is the same thing, right?”). So it must’ve hit her really hard when she thought he didn’t trust her. Especially with all the wrong ideas the fishes were feeding her mind.
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Then we got this little flashback. At first I was like, “Girl, you really be thinking that he doesn’t care about you while recalling the moment he apologized to you and hugged you? Are you insane?”
But after some thinking of my own, it occurred to me. Maybe she was too used to having her feelings not reciprocated, she couldn’t believe it when someone finally did. Not to mention Hanako did kinda trick her with his fake confession a while back (heh, he’s not the only one with trust issues, eh?). And that just made the entire thing even sadder.
So when Nene said, “But I thought, if I were an apparition like you, I could get closer to you. Then, maybe I’d be able to understand you, Hanako-kun. Although I know I probably don’t mean anything to you.”
That was a harsh wake up call for Hanako.
(Btw even more full circle, Hanako brought up Nene’s wish to become human again in the first episode. Nice.)
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So. We got one daikon girl who’s afraid of not having her feelings reciprocated, and one ghost boy who’s afraid that daikon girl wouldn’t be his friend anymore if she knew about his past.
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While in actuality, said daikon girl already decided she wanted to and would be his friend no matter what, and ghost boy had grown to care about her more than he thought he would.
He heard what she said to Tsuchigomori. He knew all about regret, too.  I mean, honestly, I think if she had said no, he’d let her walk away right then and there, no questions asked. But she didn’t.
Nene’s wish finally came true here. And the best part? It wasn’t the work of magic or curses. Just Hanako finally shoving his fear aside, offering himself as he was, and letting her decide.
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And she still chose to be with him.
Heh. Lemme just. Sob for a bit.
Is my hananene trash brain reading too much into this? Idk. Maybe.
So props to the production team for managing to add even more weight to this arc. Which, they had to, since it’s the season finale and all. But I love what they did!
Onto my commentaries!
1. The KouNene
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Good shit. She was worried about him but he didn’t want her to worry so he just smiled it off? These two are precious. Thought they were gonna interact. Sadly not. Buuuut! (see point 12)
2. Hanako’s classroom visit
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He. Is. So. Adorable. Someone please take his babey license away he’s too dangerous.
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Hanako’s classroom visit is like my absolute favorite clingy Hanako moment, so I’m really happy I get to see it this season. Ugh. My kokoro. Hugging her from behind, that semi confession vibe … Smooth mf.
The Mokke brushing Nene’s hair!!! The radish hairdo tho lmao.
On a sidenote, as a history nerd I appreciate that they’re actually putting lessons in the background. And the teacher talked about Apollo 11 again??? While my boy was in the room? That ish both hurt and pleased me.
3. The Clock Keeper rumor drop
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Heeeeeehhhhh? What’s thiiiiiissss?
4. This freaking thing
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*flips table* Darn production team been knew I’m hananene trash how dare they do this to me.
And lookie here there’s Kodama chilling.
5. Fishies! (!!!manga spoiler for The Little Mermaid arc!!!)
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Pufferfish didn’t die. Well, good for him. Also I can’t believe they just call the other fish ‘yeah yeah’ lmao what the freak. Has it always been like that in the manga?
6. AOI AND AKANE (!!!spoilers for chapter 64!!!)
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I swear I did not intend this numbering coincidence.
*claps* Boi. Nene asking Aoi about cutting ties with someone she’s interested in? And then Akane just swooped in and say he’d rather cut his head off than cut ties with Aoi? What about getting impaled, huh, boy? Would that do?
The not-so-subtle call out to these two pairs’ parallel? BOI.
7. Nene and Yako
These two just chilling together having girl talk, and Yako let Nene pet her? That’s some adorable shit right there. Admit it Yako you like her.
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Yako also be really hitting home with what she said. It was extra heavy coming from her, considering what happened to her and Misaki. Boiiiiii.
8. Tsuchigomori
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Oh my God, his laughter. Just … oh my God.
Tsuchigomori in dad mode is always one of the highlights of the episode/chapter.
By the way, in this scene according to the sub, Nene asked Tsuchigomori who Tsukasa is. But she knew who he is already. Is it possible that the sub misinterpreted it? ‘Cause I think what she actually meant was, “What happened to him and Tsukasa-kun in the past?”
If someone who speaks Japanese could share their wisdom, please do!
9. The 5 pm bell and twilight
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Look how pretty they are!!!
Lo and behold, another important hananene interaction while the 5 pm bell plays in the background. Also, twilight? Y’all giving me Kimi no Na wa flashbacks.
“Twilight, when it’s neither day or night. When the world blurs and one might encounter something not human.”
Huh … kinda fits the ‘boundary’ concept but it still hurt.
Anyway they still had Hanako tell her what she already knew. And I did say in my ‘Walking Blind’ post that it’d be redundant. But since the episode kinda emphasized Nene’s desire to understand Hanako, having him actually tell her himself, even though she already knew it, was a big deal. It’s not about what she knows, it’s about him opening up to her. So I’m super cool with it.
10. The Broadcasting Club (!!!spoilers for The Clock Keeper arc!!!)
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I love how Natsuhiko and Sakura are actually decent people. When he told Mitsuba that he was free to choose to stay with them or not? That’s solid, man. Though, of course, Tsukasa might not be as kind.
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Speaking of, I know it couldn’t be anything else, but I’m still not sure if Tsukasa’s drawing was confirmation for season 2. Don’t wanna get my hopes up. Imma just enjoy what I currently have.
Kinda curious, though. Because Clock Keeper wasn’t Tsukasa’s doing. Maybe he was the one who released Mirai? But tbh I’d prefer if it wasn’t so. Because having more cases of supernaturals going loco without it being one of Tsukasa’s games is interesting, and kinda underlines the need of The Seven Wonders to keep supernaturals in check.
11. Kodama just chilling
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12. The Adventures of Minamoto and the Summer Vegetables
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You go, Kou! I’m rooting for you oh my God you’re so precious.
And look at that ikemen smile! Him supporting Kou is just top notch sweet y’all I can’t-
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Ngl this was the biggest surprise of the episode. Teru finding out that summer vegetables = Nene? Broooooo. Interesting. I don’t think this little addition warrants any changes to their future interaction, so it should be safe. Clever replacement, too, those veggies.
It’s so sweet that Nene delivered those veggies to Kou! Just imagine the Minamoto family having veggies for dinner. Awww.
(Also, Nene wrote her name in hiragana instead of kanji. Is that a reference to how bad Kou is with kanji? Lol, so sweet)
13. The Coda!!!
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Look at him. Just look at him. Look how lovesick he is y’all I can’t-
THEY’RE SO ADORABLE.
All in all, I love this episode. Sorry for how long this post is. I’m just dealing with so many feels right now. Gaaahhhhh.
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ihopethisendswell · 3 years
Text
My Computer Is Terrible So I'm Stating My Story Ideas Here Part 10: The Part 2 of the other Part
So so so
Part 2 of the other part which is part 9 and this is part 10 so it's a sequel part
Okay okay okay
Here we go!
Going full ramble again! You have been warned!
So right now Leon, Sonia and Raihan aren't on the best terms after their Big Fight™
So except some back handed insults now and again.
And soon they get to the point where they're just tearing at each other
But not yet
That's for later :)
But they still have to co-op to together if they want to save their kingdom
So yeah they're pretty sour at the moment
They eventually reach the sea side where the ordered(?) a ship to reach to Eternatus. Cause it's on a isolated island
And the ship captain is none other than Nessa, the most feared captain of them all.
She takes after her cousin Archie
Yes I'm making them cousins in this Au fight me
She is often called The Siren given her beauty and deadliness
So why would she be the one to help a royal like Leon
Well she was the only one willing to go and Leon had to pay a lot to get her to cooperate so-
Yeah
But you'll never guess who else is one the ship
Hop and co!
The only reason they're even on I'd because Piers is friends with Nessa
They go way back
So it's like a favour or something
Now Hop didn't know that Leon was going on this specific ship
So you could imagine the reunion
Leon isn't happy btw
Bede is being smug about it like " I told you so" but Marnie shuts him up
Piers tries to defend Hop which honestly cause Leon to relent
So now not only Sonia is with them, but now three teenagers and a thief( I decided to make Piers the head of a big thieves guild....and possibly former duke?)
Which is just so many casualties
This is the part where we really drive home that Leon has this unhealthy way of thinking that he has to take care of everything as king.
This as always been a thing, since his parents died and Rose ( unintentional or not) telling him that everything is on him, and only him.
He didn't even want Raihan to come since he feared how would get hurt or worse
But Raihan is a strong fighter, the best in the kingdom so he can count on him
But Sonia? Sonia quitted becoming a knight a long time ago. She may know the basics but she can't really hold her own
At least that what he thinks
And now his precious little brother is one the same ship with him plus Roses mentor and two thieves( though they do seem chill)
He can't risk them getting hurt. He can't
But we don't have time to unpack all of that!
Cause ya wanna know who else is on the ship? Alexis and co! Boom!
But they actually snuck on because they heard this ship was going where they needed to go to save Naomi and honesty they rather not pay so-
Sneaking it is! Though it's hard cause N is very tall and green hair is quite noticable
But they manage
Until Alexis hears Hop trying to explain why he's on the ship in the first place
And he mentions word of a girl named Naomi
Who is his cousin( I should mention that in Alexis' and Elliot's dream Naomi tells them her name for reference)
Tis triggers something in Alexis and causes his powers to go haywire
Causing him to expose himself and the other two
And everyone is about to attack him cause he's an intruder
And Elliot gets defensive cause " that's my brother you fuckers!"
And N is trying to calm the situation down ( as a means to not get anyone hurt and to atone for his actions as a former prince)
Then Leon is like " wait your the guy from the market!" And before Alexis can respond his powers end up sparking a lot which causes him to double over in pain
And by this point Elliot is panicking cause her brother could possibly die
N is trying to heal him but him alone isn't enough
Then Bede says he could help!
And it's revealed that the boy is half fae!!! Since his hair covered up his ears most of the time!!!
He was told to repress his fae side by Rose in fear of getting hurt( and that having a fae would cause some chaos that he can't control and Rose must have control over thingd to make sure things are good)
So Bede and N heal him, Bede being half fae REALLY helps
So much so that it seems that whenever Alexis uses his powers they don't hurt him as much as it did before
Which is cool and all but he can't really in a child forever that would be wrong
So for now it's a temporary solution
Now everyone is a bit calm now, minus the million questions that Hop and Sonia is asking Alexis
Eventually the two parties( Alexis and Hop) spill they're story and when Alexis confirms that Naomi is very much real Hop is overjoyed and is like " See!!! I told you!! I told you she was real!!!" And everyone rightfully apologizes to Hop
Honestly the revelation that Naomi is in fact real made is already terrible mental state worse cause that means he's been discouraging his little brother for so long and he starts going through what Alexis went through in game canon as " What if I was a better brother,"
And Nessa is over here a bit annoyed that there's a bunch more people than expected but Leon reassures her that they'll pay more and Sonia suggest that they'll work on the ship as well and Nessa ain't complaining to that!( Especially because one of them is a cute red head)
So now bonding time!
Leon, Raihan and Sonia still aren't on the best terms
In fact they've been avoiding each other a lot
They're all stubborn
Though they do miss each other a lot
Hop and Sonia bombard Alexis with questions that he honestly doesn't know the answer to
Elliot is a bit of flirt, flirting with both Nessa and Sonia
She managed to get Nessa flustered at some point and will never live it down
But then she notices that the two of them have a connection and she's like " oh I see" and she's not even mad about cause that just means she has more victims to tease endlessly
Which also somehow worked into them getting together but that's for later
Marnie forces to Bede and Hop to talk out they're issues cause she's grown tired of it, and they do and reach a better understanding of each other
Hop the tells them about Naomi and about his dreams
They take it the wrong way, because of course they do, but he assures them that he only see's her as a friend.
Marnie is shown to be the most curious about who Naomi is.
Raihan and Piers start to bond
Piers was a former duke of a failing/dying nation(? Idk what to call it) and had to resort to thievery the keep things a float. Hence meeting Nessa
He doesn't hate Leon by any means but is always ready to point out his privileged lifestyle before bonding with Leon himself as older brothers
He also bonds with Alexis and Elliot for their mutual love for music
This is where the shipping starts
Alexis and Leon haven't properly interacted before this point. It's mostly small talk
But! Leon has always been fascinated by Alexis, given his tendency to keep to himself and his curse
So one night on deck Leon wakes up( woke up from a nightmare of loosing everyone. Y'know. The usual) and was about to go back to bed when he hears singing
At first he thought it was Piers,as he's known to sing and they've all heard him sing before BUT!
When he listens closely he realizes that it's not Piers
So he goes out to investigate
And it's revealed to be Alexis!!!
And his voice is so beautiful!!!
It's a contrast to his speaking voice , while still quite, his singing voice is more softer and smooth.
His singing voice is much more sadder than his usual stoic monotone voice
And Leon is completely enamored.
Not to mention that Alexis isn't wearing his cloak that covers the majority his body, so this is the first time Leon has gotten a clear view of him and
The man is , mm, I would say infatuated. A small crush begins to form
Alexis' song is a sad one
He sings about the pain he's going through and how he wishes he didn't involve those he cares about
Which really spoke to Leon. Like a lot
Because parelles babeyyyy
But when Alexis notices Leon's snooping he calls him out, pretty embarrassed
Cause the only person he ever sang in front of is Elliot, Cheren, Bianca and his parents
So having Leon there, a stranger,is embarrassing
Not to mention that he's not very proud of his appearance via the curse
He's been called a monster by someone on the ship prior and while Nessa was quick to snap at that person it still took a blow to his already low self-confidence
Leon begs to differ but he doesn't know that, and even if he did it's more of a him thing that he needs to get over .
After a quick back and forth they end up talking and just....spilling everything
Alexis talks about his time as a chosen one, his battle with Ghetsis, his scar his curse, and especially his want to do this alone to protect others
While Leon talks about his fight with Raihan and Sonia, the disconnect between the three, how he feels like an awful older brother to Hop, the pressure if being a king after his parents, the guilt he feels for dragging everyone into this mess
Both of them don't know why they're saying this. They're both pretty secretive about how they truly feel, but it's incredibly late, and the two are in a vulnerable spot so it kinda just comes out
After a while they both go to bed with a strange but welcomed friendship!
I just wanna say, if I ever do write this, it's not gonna be entirely romance focused.
The ships will be there, but like, the amount of character set-up I did prior demands a lot more attention soooooo
Especially with Sonia, Raihan and Leon's whole conflict!
I hope I didn't misrepresent their characters here!
But yeah
This got very long very fast so part 3 is in order!
TDLR: Leon and Alexis needs a hug, and I feel like this is going to be a series within a series
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willcwthewisp · 3 years
Text
spirited away | eddie & willow
TIMING: before mother’s day. LOCATION: willow’s apartment. PARTIES:  @specterchasing and @willcwthewisp. SUMMARY: eddie goes on a medium-driven chore, but gets medium uno reversed. also the spiderman meme except it’s mediums.
Willow sighed as she lowered her paint brush, feeling that familiar nagging sensation tingling in her neck that came whenever a portrait wasn’t quite right. It looked fine— lovely, even. But there was simply something amiss that the ghost in question hadn’t approved of, and she’d lost the snippets he was saying to her quite some time ago, as if his words had flitted out her open wind on the breeze. Oh well. The piece would be a nice one to sell, and there still might be a person who recognized what it was that she’d painted. There’d been quite a few instances of people coming forward, asking questions about certain pieces she’d done that looked far too similar to their memories of loved ones, or scenes of their youth. That was generally when she passed the painting off to her brother, a medium and exorcist who was much better equipped to deal with the ghost of the painting, and the loved one that came along with it. 
It almost came as a relief when she heard a knock at her door. Almost. Rising from her place at the easel in her art room, she peered through the peephole of the door only to be met with the face of someone she’d never seen before. “Ah- sorry, can I help you?” she began nervously, already thinking of the disaster that could strike if she ended up having to open the door. She didn’t have any interest in causing a hospital visit today. Or any day for that matter. Maybe she should request to be moved to the first floor of her complex. Then it’d be a little less worrisome when it came to potentially throwing people across the hallway. 
Eddie had some reservations about showing up to a stranger’s house unannounced, but they were outweighed by curiosity and a sense of duty. The ghosts made Willow out to be someone like him. In all of Eddie’s years in White Crest, he’d never had the opportunity to meet someone else who could interact with the dead. Admittedly, it seemed like she had a knack for ignoring them and that didn’t sit well with him, but he tried to reserve judgement until there was proof beyond the claims of a few disgruntled apparitions. 
“Yeah, so, hey,” he said, eyes locked onto the peephole. It struck him as odd that she didn’t open the door, but they lived in White Crest, after all. Being careful saved lives. “I know you don’t know me and this is probably wicked weird for you, but I’ve got a message from a, uh, mutual friend that they’d really like you to hear. It’s a little private, so I’d feel a little more comfortable giving it to you in… well, private. You wanna open the door for me?” He thought about reassuring her that he wasn’t some kind of bloodlust-y murderer, but realized that would only make him seem more dangerous.
Willow’s fingers tapped nervously against the door, still looking through the peephole and reminding herself that this man couldn’t see her in return despite the eye contact he made. “A mutual friend?” she echoed, the phrase throwing her. She’d purposefully distanced herself from the bulk of her friends ever since this whole sporadically throwing people problem had come to her attention, and she hadn’t had all that many to begin with. It was a choice of her own, never having been someone to seek out the company of too many people. Willow had been more than happy with that before her telekinesis had made any company dangerous. Now she relied on the people she called at her telemarketing gig to remind herself she was alive. It wasn’t all that helpful when they were yelling half the time. 
The ability to say ‘no’ was another of her shortcomings, and Willow walked a few paces back and forth as the man asked to be let in. Going back to the door, she glanced at him once more through the peephole. “I...okay- alright. But just- don’t come too close, okay?” If she could keep a table between him and her, things should be alright. Without further delay, she was opening the door to reveal the interior of her apartment, already taking a few careful steps away from the man. 
When Eddie’s question was met with a few long moments of silence, he half-expected his venture to be rendered fruitless. He couldn’t find it in himself to blame Willow for not trusting him, but he did wonder where her sense of adventure was. If a stranger came knocking on his door with the promise of a vague message, they wouldn’t have been able to finish their sentence before he welcomed them in.
Just as he turned away from the door, she finally spoke up. A warning. “No problems there, I’m a big fan of boundaries,” he enthused as the door opened. Willow seemed even more skittish than the average White Crestian as she put ample space between them. Eddie decided not to let it bother him—she likely had her reasons.
“Okay, so, the friend in question is a little on the dead side,” he explained carefully as he stepped into the apartment. “Actually, there’s a few dead friends. Is that… like, is that unusual for you, having dead friends?” As accustomed as he was to having conversations with ghosts, he knew that wasn’t exactly normal. His parents made that perfectly clear to him. If Willow wasn’t as much like him as he hoped she was, he needed to ease her into the subject matter.
“Great- good, that’s good,” Willow babbled nervously as she did exactly as she’d planned, skirting around to the other side of the table that was in her kitchen while Eddie spoke. But the mention of dead friends was more than enough to catch her interest, and in a reflexive move she looked over to the chair that Kal often loved to frequent. He was the ghost she heard most reliably, and currently her best friend seeing as she’d banned herself to as much isolation as possible. Unfortunately she wasn’t entirely sure whether or not he was here at the moment, her focus pulled away from any attempts to perceive him by the stranger in her apartment. 
Thankfully, Kal had no problem speaking for himself. The ghost had already taken up a spot at Willow’s shoulder the moment Eddie had stepped into the apartment, feeling rather protective after the last stranger to enter Willow’s abode had left her tired and crying. “What do you want?” the ghost asked the man reflexively, not actually expecting an answer from one of the living. That was- until he recognized the familiar aura of what Eddie was. “Oh shit- you’re a medium, too?” 
Willow, still blissfully unaware of the guardian ghost asking questions on her behalf, was doing her best to play it close to the chest. She wasn’t entirely all that private about mediums and their abilities, but it wasn’t exactly the best idea to lead with ‘occasionally I see and hear dead people.’ “Um- do you have dead friends?” she asked, unable to come up with any better reply while being entirely oblivious of that fact that Kal had already given her away.
Willow’s babbling and general nervousness faded into the background the moment Eddie laid eyes on Kal. “I am!” he announced, eyes glistening with pride before finally prying them away to look at Willow. “Looks like we both do,” he said with a wide grin. Hope had taken hold of him before he reached Willow’s apartment, and now he knew it wasn’t in vain. Finally, he knew someone like him; someone he wouldn’t have to hide from, not that he usually did such a good job with keeping secrets. Eddie didn’t know how to be anything except himself, but he thought it might be nice to have someone in his life who didn’t look at him like he was speaking in tongues when he talked about the dead.
“You don’t have to hide anything from me, I’m just like you,” he told Willow. He thought it was a little strange that she apparently hadn’t heard the ghost out her, but maybe she was just playing it cool until she knew she could trust him. “Okay, maybe not just like you, but we’ve got a pretty cool common denominator.” 
Eddie took a moment to center himself. Amidst the excitement, he nearly forgot what he came here for. He looked back to Kal. “I’m just here to talk to her about her paintings, nothing weird, I promise.” Again, his eyes switched their focus to Willow. “See, some of our dead friends aren’t exactly happy with how they’re being portrayed, and they’ve been very adamant that I bring the issue up to you.”
Willow almost jumped at the stranger’s exuberance, momentarily confused while he replied to Kal. She still couldn’t hear the ghost, her mind moving far too fast at the moment for it to slow down enough to listen to her ‘dead friend.’ “Like me?” she repeated the words skeptically until he began speaking to Kal once again. “So you’re a medium?” Kal put his hands up as if trying to stop Eddie’s words before he could get them out...to little avail. “Hold on- don’t say that!” Willow’s paintings were one of the few, free joys the woman had left in the world, and he wasn’t too keen on seeing whatever reaction she might have in response to the other medium’s claims. 
But the words had been said, and Willow’s lips had already turned downwards into the beginning of a frown, looking towards the door of her art room and then back to Eddie. “They don’t like them?” Did they want her to stop? She’d always loved painting the stories she heard from the ghosts, even if some of them were sadder than the rest. Those were the paintings she also gave to her brother, the ones that had such miserable stories attached to them. Surely all ghosts deserved to move on if that’s what they wanted, but the ones that could only focus on their pain...that could only give Willow the traumatic stories of their demise, those were the ones that needed it the most. “I mean...I know my pictures aren’t perfect to what they remember but…” she trailed off with uncertainty, not entirely sure where that sentence had been going.
Kal’s warning went unfortunately unheeded, and Eddie only realized its importance once he saw the frown on Willow’s face. Her second question dampened his initial excitement. He didn’t know how important her paintings were to her, but it already sounded like he wounded her pride. So much for making friends.
“Well, I didn’t say that,” he quickly backtracked. “I’m sure they really appreciate the time and effort you put into memorializing them—I know I would.” Eddie spent more time than he cared to admit wondering about his own demise and what would follow it; how he’d be remembered. If someone cared enough to put his final moments on canvas, he couldn’t imagine being anything other than grateful. “Really, they just have a few minor critiques. You know ghosts, they can be a little picky.” He shot Kal an apologetic glance. “I know how hard it can be to feel the pressure of someone’s last wishes on your shoulders, it makes you really wanna do right by them, but there’s no way to do it perfectly every time, y’know? And only a few have come to me, so I bet you’re actually doing a really great job overall.”
The stranger was sure of the dead’s gratitude because the ghosts had said as much to him? Or was it because he assumed such a thing? “Did they...tell you that?” Willow asked tentatively, hoping that the answer might be yes. She didn’t paint solely for the ghosts, but it’d be nice to know that they got some enjoyment out of it as well. She’d always thought they liked having their stories listened to, being given a moment to relay something important of their life and seeing it painted before their very eyes. Still standing behind Willow was Kal, nodding his head emphatically as if he could provide the answer for Eddie, or at least signal the other man into giving a good one. 
The mention of ghosts being less than fond of her paintings was awkward enough, but now came the part where Willow had to tell this man that she actually wasn’t all that familiar with working for the dead, at least not in the way most mediums were. She wasn’t as self-conscious about her lack of abilities when it came to her family, having accepted long ago that she was different, and actually being somewhat grateful for the fact that she’d gotten to live a life of her own rather than one ruled by the departed. But when such an admission was being made to another medium that wasn’t related to her...well, it was nerve wracking to say the least. “Ah- well- about that. I don’t actually see and hear them all that well. Just sometimes. Not like the rest of my family or most mediums or whatever.” The last of his words had another semi-hopeful spark entering her eyes. “Really? You think so? Do you know which paintings the ones that have come to you are upset about?”
Seeing Kal’s emphatic nodding convinced Eddie to mirror the action. “Yeah, of course,” he said. In truth, they were usually more concerned with their grievances than what they enjoyed about Willow’s work, but Eddie felt like her spirit had been crushed enough for one evening. If she needed to hear a white lie to keep her self-esteem from folding in on itself, he would more than happily oblige. 
“Oh,” Eddie uttered upon hearing her confession, more interested in learning that her family shared her gift than anything else. He wondered what that must be like—to be surrounded by people that understood you. Mild jealousy flared in his gut. He thought he’d met someone like him, but instead it seemed to inhabit two completely different worlds. “At least you have people in your life who can help translate,” he offered, smiling sadly in spite of himself.
Willow’s follow-up question pulled him out of his self-pity. “Yeah, one sec.” He pulled his phone out of his back pocket and opened the notes app. “George, the guy who died in a house fire, he said his eyes weren’t that close together. Shelly, the elderly woman who died of natural causes, says that you got her bedroom all wrong—she can’t stand your choice of wallpaper. And, um, Andrea, killed by some kind of demonic moose, would like it if you painted her with a little more dignity. She swears she didn’t go out screaming.” Eddie looked up from his phone to see how much damage their criticism had done. “See? Not so bad, just… little things.”
“Really?” Willow asked again, rather smitten with the thought that the ghosts might like her work. Sure, the person she painted most for was herself but...it was still nice to hear that people had enjoyed your work— especially when they were the inspiration. “Well then...I’m glad they like it.” The very beginnings of a smile had taken to the corners of Willow’s lips, looking the most relaxed she had since this conversation began. 
But that smile quickly turned to concern as Eddie spoke. He didn’t have anyone with him? How had he learned about the world of ghosts in the first place? “You parents...they can’t sense ghosts?” Willow supposed the ability didn’t have to run in families, but she was rather biased when she’d been raised in a family full of spirit-sensing humans. “Well you know- if you ever needed someone to help you translate I’m sure anyone in my family would be happy to. Especially my mom or brother.” It’d been some ten minutes of knowing the man after he’d shown up unaccounted at her door, and she was already offering him access to her family. This was probably what some of her more cynical friends were talking about when they said her kindness would get her hurt. 
Willow listened carefully to his requests, trying to memorize them all before she realized she’d most likely forget. “Do you think you could send the list to me? I could give you my number.” Then he’d also have it if he had any ghost questions, and was too nervous to ask how to contact her in the future. Going over what she remembered from his list, her lips pursed ever so slightly as she thought of the paintings in question. She couldn’t be sure, but this seemed more like an issue of vanity rather than her skill. Except for the wallpaper one. She often filled in the lesser details of paintings that ghosts didn’t bother to outline with her own artistic license. “Yeah- not too big.” Now that it was clear it was more the ghost’s problem than her’s, she was somewhere closer to being set at ease.
At the sight of Willow’s sort-of-smile, Eddie grinned from ear-to-ear. It felt like he managed to do something right. “Yeah, me too,” he enthused. He didn’t know Willow well, or at all really, but he already had a sense she might need the validation. Eddie couldn’t blame her, he had a lot in common with Tinker Bell, himself. When the applause stopped, so did his heart. Considering that, he realized he might have been projecting, but doing so in this instance seemed harmless enough.
The smile dropped as quickly as it disappeared, giving Eddie a taste of emotional whiplash. Willow seemed concerned about him, he didn’t intend for that, but her offer struck him right in the heart. “I don’t really wanna bother anyone,” he said politely while every fiber of his being revolted against his ill-timed manners. “But, I mean, if they… if they would be happy to help, like you said, it’d probably be better for everyone if I took you up on that, right? Who wants an uneducated medium running around solo?” He shrugged while his heart beat wildly in his chest. Finally, people who would understand him. Eddie’s throat tightened as he considered the possibilities.
“Oh, yeah, no problem!” Eddie brandished phone and closed the distance between Willow and himself with little regard for how intentionally she’d cultivated it. “Here you go,” he said amicably as he offered the device to her.
Oh! The younger man looked very nice when he smiled, like he didn’t have a single intention to hurt anyone that lived in this world. The change in his demeanor had her mirroring it instinctually, and her own smile grew bigger— as if they were stuck in a feedback loop of grins. While he began to speak of being a bother, Willow’s head was already shaking in a fierce denial of the concept, not willing to let him disparage himself in her presence. “You’re not! I’m the one who offered, anyway! And I mean- it’s always nice to have more ghost friends, isn’t it?” Friends were the last thing she needed while she was a literal flight risk in the sense of sending those around her sailing via telekinesis. But she couldn’t just let him fumble in this strange world by himself. “Perfect, then! I could put you into contact with my brother first! He’s the most involved with all the spiritual stuff- he’s actually an exorcist in addition to his mediumship.” If this young man latched onto her brother, Forest, there was also less risk of him coming around Willow to get hurt. 
Gingerly accepting his phone while being careful to avoid any contact, Willow tapped her number into the contacts, adding her name to the entry. Oh, right- she hadn’t actually introduced herself quite yet. “I’m Willow, by the way. Willow Finch.” She made no inclination to offer a hand for shaking, still avoiding physical contact at all costs. 
The moment Willow uttered the words ‘ghost friends’, Eddie felt a rush of unexpected affection. His entire life, most people either completely denied the existence of ghosts or spoke poorly of them. For a moment, Eddie struggled to find the right words to say, an unheard of predicament for him. “Sorry,” he said with a laugh. “It’s just—you ever hear something that sounds too good to be true? I’m waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under me.” Not only did her family have mediums, it had exorcists. He wondered if she knew how lucky she was.
Eddie watched as she entered her phone number, half-expecting it to begin with 555. “Oh, right, I kinda did walk into your home without telling you who I am, didn’t I?” It wouldn’t be the first time he disregarded common courtesy and overstepped boundaries, and it likely wouldn’t be the last either. “The ghosts told me your name, but I’m Eddie, Eddie Carridine. It’s awesome to meet you, Willow Finch.”
Willow’s heart already ached for him, recognizing a loneliness in his words that she knew intimately these days. Perhaps their situations of isolation were from different patterns, but they’d been cut from the same cloth. The feeling of being alone wasn’t kind in the least, no matter where it stemmed from. Not for the first time she wished she could lend someone physical comfort in addition to emotional solace, the desire to lay a gentle hand on his shoulder growing stronger the longer he stood in front of her. “Of course. The world can be disappointing in the worst ways,” she began softly while forcing herself to stay where she was. “But I also know me and my family. And I bet you’ll be begging to get rid of us before they’d even think about leaving you alone. It’s just not in our blood.” After all, wasn’t that one of the tenants of being a medium? Ensuring that not even the dead were left behind, let alone one of their own. Where that was potentially comforting to Eddie, it was less than ideal for Willow— constantly having to make her own space when it came to the people that loved and raised her for fear of hurting them. 
“You were just trying to help,” Willow began with a chuckle, the only reservations left in her being based around keeping Eddie out of arms-length. And so far he’d respected that. “And the dead...they have a lot less people helping them than the living- so I’m glad you did.” Her smile was softer this time, still settling into who she was while she was less concerned about a stranger being in her home. “It’s awesome to meet you too, Eddie.”
Kal elected this as good a time as ever to re-enter the conversation, some of his wariness stirpped away as the conversation proceeded. Besides— he was naturally inclined to like any medium he came across. “She means it- you know. About not leaving people alone. She can’t see me half the time, but she still talks to me. Even if she’s not even sure I’m here. She’d do the same for you.” It was why he’d become so attached to Willow in the first place, unable to deny the heart she had for caring.
Eddie smiled sadly when Willow mentioned disappointment. The world let him down a few times, but he placed the blame on himself more often than not. He made eye contact with his biggest disappointment every time he looked in the mirror. Willow swiftly pulled his mood out of the gutters of self-deprecation when she told him he wouldn’t be left alone, not by her family. A lump formed in his throat, forcing Eddie to convince himself not express such intense emotions around someone he met minutes ago. “Where’ve you guys been my whole life?” he asked, making an attempt at levity. Nothing she said felt real, but Eddie had a penchant for far-fetched beliefs.
“Yeah, you actually get it,” he said, nodding as he did. It made sense for a fellow medium to empathize with ghosts, but that didn’t make it any less surreal. “I’m glad I did too, otherwise we might not have ever met. That would’ve been a pretty big loss, I think.” He didn’t want to sound too certain, he knew how intense he could be. 
Kal captured his attention next, confirming what Willow said. The lump in Eddie’s throat quivered, forcing him to clear it. “You guys make quite the duo,” he observed. “I, um, appreciate it—everything, I mean.” His gaze turned back to Willow. “You didn’t have to be so kind, most people wouldn’t. So, I… yeah, I’ll make sure you don’t regret it.”
Willow could tell he was on the verge of spilling over, she recognized it well when she’d seen it so often in herself. A gentle shrug tugged at her shoulders in response to his question, knowing he was trying to lighten the mood, but unable to perfectly match the nonchalance. “Just sitting here waiting, I guess. I think you’re actually running a bit late.” Another bell-like laugh trickled from her lips, not wanting to come on too strongly despite the kindness in her words. But she recognized a lost soul when she saw one, even if she’d seen less wandering spirits than most mediums had. 
She got it. Maybe not quite as much as someone with fully realized abilities, but she’d seen enough of it through her sister and brother, and parents as well. For a moment Willow was also overcome by emotion, her throat tightening as Eddie landed his compliments. How long had it been since she’d had such a tender moment in person? How long had it been since she’d made actual eye contact with someone for this extended amount of time? “I think I’m the one who would have been missing out,” she answered with the corners of her eyes crinkling in a welcoming happiness. She didn’t mind his intensity, oftentimes having a penchant for it herself when it came to the delicate side of life. 
Willow was silent a moment while she assumed Kal was talking to Eddie, reckoning the way his gaze flitted to the ghost over her shoulder. She’d seen it in the eyes of her family more than enough times. “Kal’s been here with me when...I haven’t been able to see much of anyone else. He does just as much for me as I do for him.” Possibly even more. “The way I see it- kindness is free, isn’t it?” Another shrug claimed her, and for a moment she thought she could almost feel Kal’s hand as he laid it onto her shoulder. “I’m just glad I can give it. You just focus on being kind to yourself, and we’ll call it even, yeah?” 
Fresh tears stung Eddie’s eyes. He immediately blinked them away, trying his best to save face. Showing his emotions rarely sat well with him, but he felt safe here even though he only just arrived. “Sorry,” he offered yet another apology as a second wave of tears formed in his eyes. “I’m sorry, this is probably so awkward.” He wondered what Willow thought of him crying at the first sign of kindness. Eddie pulled the hem of his jacket’s sleeve into his palm and wiped away the evidence of his emotional outpouring. “I promise, I don’t usually do this in front of people I’ve just met… or anyone, actually.” He let out an empty huff of laughter, suddenly unable to make eye contact.
The blows kept coming as Willow turned the compliment around on him. “Yeah, well, we’ll see,” he countered. “Get back to me when you’ve known me for a few hours.” Eddie felt pathetic and happy at the same time; exposed and protected. It didn’t make sense, emotions weren’t supposed to contradict each other so harshly, not in his experience.
Eddie watched as Kal’s hand rested on Willow’s shoulder. He said she couldn’t see him half the time, but Eddie liked to think he could recognize love when saw it. An irresistible urge came over him and, before better judgement could kick in, his arms wrapped around Willow.
Willow was a sympathy crier. There was no way around it, and her own eyes were beginning to well as she watched Eddie’s fill with tears, though her’s were born of the happiness that came from witnessing the weight fall from the other medium’s shoulders. Her heart ached for him, recognizing just how desperate he must be to break down so easily when faced with the bare minimum in terms of showings of kindness. Her own clumsy laugh danced with Eddie’s while she gave him whatever time he needed to recollect himself. She’d already decided she was going to ask him to stay for some juice and cookies. Or maybe wine and cookies? He looked fairly young, just at the cusp of drinking age. Someone so young should never have been as alone as he seemed, and her soul began to hurt all over again. 
All that turned to panic in the very blink of an eye as Eddie reached for a hug, and Willow’s hands were thrown out in front of her while she yelled frantically, “No! Don’t!” But it was too late, and as the young man came into contact with her hands she felt the telekinesis flash along with her flaring emotions. In another blink, he was pulsed back from her with a thrust far too powerful for the force to have come from her hands alone. “Oh god- oh god,” she gasped as she ran to his landing place on the couch. He’d fallen on something soft, but she wouldn’t feel relief until she knew he was alright. “Are you okay? Are you hurt? Oh no- oh god I’m so sorry.” This time her tears were ones of dread and hopelessness. She should have known. Should have known things were going far too well, and that danger was lurking around the corner.
Eddie pushed the envelope often, it didn’t always end well, but he could honestly say that being telekinetically launched across the room was a first. He hit the couch with a thud, feeling like the air in his lungs had been knocked out of him. Before he could manage to sit up, Willow appeared next to him spewing apologies and concern. Eddie looked up at her, recognizing that she never meant to hurt him, and couldn’t help laughing. His lungs hurt, but he preferred the pain over crying. Propping himself up on his elbows, Eddie shook his head. “Hey, accidents happen,” he said with a wide grin. “But, uh, do you think you could teach me how to do that?”
Accidents happened, but they happened far too often when it came to Willow and her telekinesis. “But they shouldn’t,” she insisted, head shaking even as she skittered to put space between her and Eddie once again. “I don’t- I don’t control it.” The admission was paired with a blanket of shame and guilt falling over her features. Eddie had trusted her to give an answer when she offered help, and she was already failing the first question of that test. “I’m sorry- I can’t- I don’t know how to teach you. I don’t even know how to teach myself.” That was why he should stick around her brother more than he ever clung to her. “You should- you should go for now, I don’t want to hurt you if you stay longer.” How could she offer him a home, and then cast him out in the next breath? Was that not the cruelest thing she could have done? But if he left disappointed, at least he left whole and with his life still intact.
“Thank you, though.” He’d given her so much in just the span of a half an hour or so. “Really- thank you. I’m um- I’m glad the ghosts chose you to deliver the message, and brought you here.” Now the ghosts of her anxiety would just have to get him to leave. “And I do want you to text me.” In person wasn’t something she was willing to offer in the wake of having lost control, but she remembered how relieved he’d look immediately before everything had gone south, the look of a man crawling towards an oasis in the midst of a desert while he’d throw himself into his attempted hug. She wanted to be the person that quenched his loneliness. Willow just wasn’t sure how to do it while keeping him in one piece. 
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Guilty, Part 2
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Title: Guilty, Part 2 of 2
Pairing: Peter Parker x Barnes-Rodgers!reader
Warnings: Bucky is a grumpy dad™️, Peter is an even sadder boy, and anxiety I guess??
Summary: Peter is worried the dangers of being Spiderman's girlfriend are too much for you.
Authors Note: Here's the second part to @lou-la-lou 's request. The italicized paragraphs are a flashbacks! If anyone has any other requests for me, feel free to send them in, and if you have them in my inbox already, know that I am working on them, I swear! 😂 I feel like its kinda rushed, ngl, but here we go! ENJOY!
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"Come on out Parker, I know you're up here," Bucky called out to the outwardly vacant rooftop. He swung his legs over the side of the Tower calmly and waited. 
"Uhm, I'm good. Thanks." he heard Peter squeak nervously from behind him. He chuckled a little at the evident panic in his voice, and patted the spot next to him. 
"It's okay kid, I'm not here to hurt you, I just wanna talk."
Moments passed, and Bucky could practically hear the gears of fear and curiosity winding inside the young spiderling's head as he contemplated things. Bucky sighed, his patience running thin. 
"Come on Peter, you know that if I wanted to harm you that I would've done it already." 
After a few more moments and a mutter of something that sounded a lot like 'that's comforting', Peter eventually sat on the ledge next to Bucky. 
Well, actually he was a good six feet away from being next to him, but Bucky would take what he could get. 
"So," he broke through the silence, eyes focused out towards the sky rather than the blue and red clad figure sitting beside him. "What are you doing here kid?"
"Oh I was just out on patrol and so ya know I was like in the-- in the neighborhood so I just thought I'd drop by," Peter cleared his throat, stuttering awkwardly through what was so clearly an excuse. Bucky chuckled. 
"Kind of a long way from Queens though," he drawled amusedly. "And I'm sure you 'stopping by' has nothing to do with the fact that you can very clearly see Y/N's bedroom window from here."
Peter's flush was instant. 
"Oh no-- that's not -- I wasn't--" he stuttered frantically, waving his hands wildly. Bucky let him go on for a while -- a sick sense of glee filling his chest as he watched his daughter's ex-boyfriend panic. Eventually he raised his hand, and Peter instantly fell silent. 
"C'mon kid, let's not start this out with a lie. Why don't you tell me why you're really here?"
"I just...wanted to check and see if she's okay," Peter murmured after another pregnant pause, voice so quiet he was barely audible. Bucky turned to face him more fully, and felt a little of his lingering anger dissolve at the look of utter sadness splayed across the young boy's features. 
"She's not." Bucky replied firmly. "But I think you would've already known that, seeing as you were the one to end things."
"Yeah I know," he muttered. Peter's hand flicked towards his face, gloved fingertips batting away a few of the tears he'd let escape. "But I didn't really have much of a choice."
"So I've heard," Bucky hummed. "I think I know why that is, but why don't you tell me why you think that is."
Peter paused, tear-filled eyes staring off into the distance as he contemplated his next words carefully. Bucky let him think, taking the time to study Peter's face more fully in the meantime. His eyes were puffy and red from his tears, but the dark purple circles under them made it clear that this wasn't the first time he'd cried recently. The skin of his face was paler than usual, and his cheeks looked a little gaunt. 
All in all, Peter looked miserable. 
If he were being honest with himself, Bucky would have to admit that the sight of his pain was a little satisfying -- after all, he was the reason Y/N had been so heartbroken lately. But it was the look in the young boy's eyes that kept him from feeling too smug. It was the same dull, lifeless look that he'd seen in his daughter's eyes for weeks. Bucky couldn't help but feel his heart reach out for the kid as he noted his evident suffering. 
"I thought she'd just be better off without me," Peter's soft reply broke him out of his thoughts abruptly. "I mean, you saw what happened with those girls. All because of me, because of Spiderman, and I just thought if I cut things off now then hopefully she could just...I dunno, move on? Find somebody new, someone normal, that way she'd always be…"
"Safe?" Bucky supplied quietly. Peter's eyes snapped to the older man's face, expression one of complete surprise. He nodded slowly before casting his eyes away once more. 
"Yeah," he managed to reply, voice cracking as his tears began flowing once more. Bucky sighed, scooting closer to him and placing a comforting hand on Peter's shoulder. Peter jumped a little at the contact, but he didn't move away like Bucky expected. They sat that way for a few minutes -- Peter sobbing quietly and Bucky sitting stoically next to him. 
"Did I ever tell you about the first time I held Y/N?" Bucky asked plainly. Peter sniffled, head turning upwards to face the older man in surprise. 
"N-no sir. I don't think we've ever actually talked before today," Peter replied slowly. 
"Yeah, that's probably true," Bucky chuckled. "But it's worth telling now." 
Peter nodded, eyes still trained on Bucky, a look of confusion overtaking his features. 
"Well obviously Steve was the first one to hold her -- he barely waited until they hosed her off before he snatched her up," he recalled fondly, chuckling a little at the memory. Peter too cracked a smile at the mental image, and Bucky scored himself an imaginary point for managing to keep the kid from crying for a minute. 
"But when I finally managed to pry her away from him long enough for me to hold her, the very first thing I felt was this overwhelming sense of love. But almost immediately that love led to this feeling of terror," he continued, the smile sliding from his face. "I mean, there she was -- just the tiniest little thing you'd ever seen, her entire body fit practically in my hand she was so small. I was overcome with complete panic when I realized just how fragile she was. I just stood there for a minute, picturing all of the terrible things that could happen to her, that sweet little alien-looking thing. How on earth was I supposed to keep her safe, when so much of mine and Steve's lives were filled with constant danger?"
Peter didn't move an inch, his entire being enthralled by Bucky's story. 
"I struggled with that a lot when Y/N was younger. Hell, I'd be lying if I said I didn't still struggle with it -- I think that's a big part of why I'm so protective of her now, as I'm sure you've noticed," Bucky smiled wryly. To his credit, even though Bucky could tell Peter was fighting the urge to scoff he merely nodded dumbly in response. “Yeah sorry about that I guess? I mean I’m not, but I feel like I should say that.”
Peter chuckled a little at the brutal honesty, the slightest hint of an amused smile quirking at the edges of his lips. Bucky gleefully scored himself another mental point before he continued. 
“I spent every second I could with her after we brought her home, just watching her sleep and making sure she was safe. They say parents don’t get any sleep with a newborn, but I legitimately didn’t sleep for more than an hour at a time for almost a month. Unless I knew Steve was awake, I couldn’t bring myself to take my eyes off her. Eventually I got so burnt out that I had a full blown panic attack and Steve finally forced me to take a break. He all but locked me in our room, and wouldn’t let me come out until I’d finally gotten some decent rest. It was hard, but I knew in my mind that he was right -- while I was stuck in there I wound up doing a lot of thinking. And do you know what I realized?”
Peter shook his head, brown eyes wide and locked onto Bucky’s face as he breathlessly waited for the answer. Bucky looked him directly in the eyes, pausing for a moment. He wanted to ensure that Peter heard and understood everything that he was about to say.  
“Even though bad things might happen to Y/N because of our lifestyles, she was better off with us than without,” Bucky stated firmly. Peter’s face scrunched in confusion for the briefest of moments but Bucky saw a flash of understanding pass through his eyes. The young boy glanced away, spurring Bucky to continue. “True, I couldn’t and can’t protect her from everything, but she was gonna grow up with the biggest, strangest, and most loving family a kid could hope for. Not to mention the fact that she was born into a family full of extremely capable superhumans and assassins that would literally kill for her. Sure she was going to inevitably run into problems from time to time, but as long as she had us to teach her and protect her then I truly felt she would be alright.”
Peter swallowed thickly and the two sat silently for a few minutes as they let the gravity of Bucky’s words sink in. Sometimes it was all too easy to forget just how young Peter really was, but he'd never looked more his age than in this moment. His eyes were cast downward and his tear soaked lashes were so long that they rested across his pink-splotched cheeks as he cried. Bucky patted his back comfortingly as he waited. After a few moments, Bucky internally wondered if he should continue, but Peter spoke up before he had a chance. 
“But don’t you ever-- I dunno, feel like guilty?”, Peter blurted out curiously. “I mean even just that little fight was enough to freak me out completely. I can’t...I don’t ever want her to get hurt because of me.”
“I get it kid, I used to feel the same way,” Bucky exhaled through his nose, a soft chuckle unintentionally bubbling out of his throat at the insinuation. “But believe me, I learned very early on that if Y/N wants to get into a fight, then she will. I think she takes too much after Steve, the two of them are so damned stubborn that they almost make me seem like the level-headed one.”
Peter laughed out loud for the first time all night, and Bucky would be willing to bet it was the first time in much longer than that. He chuckled along with him, slightly proud of the look of fondness that took over his boyish features. 
"Yeah. Yeah that's probably true." Peter chuckled. 
"Mmmmhm. So, you feeling any better kid?"
Peter nodded earnestly, fingers brushing away the last of his tears. 
"Good," Bucky hummed. "Now, I'm going to need you to fix things with my daughter, otherwise you and I are going to have a very different kind of conversation. Am I clear?"
"Y-yes sir," Peter replied meekly, an audible gulp escaping the poor boy. Bucky grinned widely, clapping his hand on his back once more. 
"Knew I could count on you."
--------------------
Peter couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this happy. 
Sitting on the couch, you were wrapped so tightly around him that he couldn't hardly tell where his limbs ended and yours began. You were curled up in his lap, his arms cadging your back firmly against his front as his face rested into the crook of your neck. There was some movie playing on the giant tv in front of the two of you, but Peter wasn't paying attention to it at all; he was too awestruck by his sheer luck, eternally grateful to be with you again after so long.
Even though he couldn't see your face from his position, he could tell that you were on the verge of falling asleep. Every few minutes your fingers would pause on their trek up and down his forearm and your head would roll even further backwards as you drifted asleep before snapping back upwards once more. He chuckled fondly at you, placing a sweet kiss to your cheek as a feeling of warmth spread throughout his entire body. 
"You're exhausted sweet girl," he murmured into your neck softly. "Go ahead and sleep, I can tell you're fighting it."
You shook your head stubbornly, adorably clinging to his arms even tighter at the insinuation. 
"M'not," you protested through a yawn. Little butterflies swirled in Peter's tummy at the sound of the pout evident in your voice. He placed another kiss to your cheek, unable to contain the feeling of joy that'd been coursing though him since he'd first gotten you back in his arms. 
"You are though," he chuckled. 
"I don't wanna sleep," you argued. "Too afraid this was all just a really good dream."
Peter's chest immediately felt heavy, arms winding around you more securely at your whispered confession. He understood exactly what you meant. To be perfectly honest, he was having a hard time believing this was real too. 
He knew it was probably just teenage dramatics, but the two weeks that he’d spent without you felt like the longest weeks of his life -- weeks spent in absolute misery. It’d seemed like the only solution at the time, but he’d had an increasingly difficult time justifying that choice when not being with you had been so difficult. He was honestly reaching his breaking point long before your dad had sat him down to talk about things, so it didn’t take much convincing on Bucky’s part to get him to change his mind. 
But now, as he found himself perched outside your bedroom window he couldn't help but worry that he might've done permanent damage to your relationship. He felt his heart shrivel and harden at the prospect that you may not forgive him, but he couldn't possibly blame you for it. Hell, he'd hated himself since the moment he ended things. 
He was only outside your window in the first place because as soon as you'd realized it was him, you'd swiftly slammed the door in his face. He'd tried pleading with you through the wood, but he couldn't tell if any of it was getting through because (outside of some choice swears) you hadn't said a word in response. So, desperate and on his last chance, he'd crawled outside your bedroom window, hoping that even if you didn't speak to him that at least he'd be able to see your face again. Ignoring the weight that settled in his stomach as he took note of your reddened eyes and tear stained cheeks through the glass, he'd focused on saying what he came there to say. You simply stood in the middle of your room stoically with your arms crossed as he rambled on through the pre-planned speech he’d come up with as he tossed and turned all night. 
Eventually he reached the end of his hastily prepared monologue, and he fell silent, waiting anxiously for you to respond. The seconds that passed felt like hours as you contemplated things, and his heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest as he cautiously appraised your every move. A stab of fear and defeat ripped through his chest the moment he realized that you weren’t going to budge. Fresh tears welling in his eyes, he turned to leave, the feeling of defeat and sorrow weighing heavily on his limbs until he felt an actual weight on his arm.
You grabbed his wrist before he’d even moved an inch. 
Glaring at him as your own tears slipped silently down your cheeks, you dropped his arm before opening the window wide enough for him to fit through. He sniffled and shot you a desperate look, to which you responded only by rolling your eyes and motioning for him to come inside. Once he'd scrambled through, he could only muster up enough courage to stand wordlessly in the once familiar room as he waited for you to make the next move. 
"You're an idiot."
Though your words were biting, Peter couldn't help but think to himself that, after not hearing your voice for weeks, they were the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard. 
"I know," he swallowed thickly. You scoffed, fingers swiping your cheeks angrily to remove the lingering traces of your tears as you stared him down. 
"What you did really sucked," you continued crossing your arms protectively in front of your chest. "And just because I get why you did it now doesn't change that." 
"I know," he agreed, tears silently beginning to fall from his eyes. You sucked in a shuddering breath. "You're absolutely right, I'm an idiot." 
You chuckled a little bit at his admission, your arms dropping by your sides. 
"I wish you would've just talked to me. Told me what you were feeling, you know?" you replied in a near-whisper. "Cause just getting cut-off from you all at once...it really sucked."
Your bottom lip began to tremble and fresh tears began to run down your face uncontrollably. Peter swore he could actually hear a crack echo in the small room as his heart broke at the sight of you. Unable to physically handle the distance between the two of you for a moment longer, he wasted little time in crossing the short space and pulling you into his arms. 
To his immense relief, you allowed him to pull you into his chest easily, your arms wrapping around his body just as tightly. He thrust his face into your messy hair, and your face buried itself into his chest instantly. It wasn't long before he felt your hot tears seeping through the thin fabric of his shirt, but he really couldn't care less at the moment. Especially given the fact that he was sure you could feel his own tears soaking through your hair. 
"I-I'm so sorry Y/N," he sobbed, his voice muffled from the way he pressed his face to your head. "I'm s-so sorry angel, I'm such an idiot. I hated every single second I wasn't with y-you, and I swear I'll never do anything like that ever again." 
Your only response was to pull him impossibly closer to you, your arms practically clawing at his back in the process. 
The two of you had stood like that for an immeasurable amount of time, sobbing into each other in that dramatic way only teenagers really could, until eventually both your eyes had run dry. Then you just talked. First about the whole situation and then about everything the two of you had missed about the other in the time you weren't speaking. Peter had come to see you early in the morning, but by the time all was said and done it was already the early evening. Despite the fact that the two of you were exhausted, neither one of you were willing to part just yet and thus you'd wound up where you were now, cuddling in one of the Tower's many common rooms. 
Peter exhaled tensely, your quiet admission sending a stab of guilt deep into his chest. He kissed the top of your head apologetically. 
"I'm so sorry y/n," he murmured against your hair. "I can't explain how sorry I am that I've made you feel like you can't count on me anymore."
You were so silent that, for a moment, Peter thought you might've finally succumbed to your evident exhaustion. It wasn't until a few moments later that he felt you snuggle deeper into his hold and place a delicate kiss to his cheek that he realized you hadn't. He couldn't hold back the large grin that overtook his face nor the raging blush that began creeping up his cheeks at your sweet gesture. 
"S'okay Petey," you mumbled, clearly on the verge of dozing. "I mean, it's not, but you can just give me constant cuddles from now on and then we'll be good."
Peter let out a breathy giggle, feelings of amusement and affection surging through his chest at the determined, and yet sleepy tone of your voice. He felt your breaths even out, and he placed a light kiss to your hair as he listened to the slow, comforting thumping of your heartbeat. 
"Don't worry angel, already planning on it."
--------------------
"Buck, are you seeing what I'm seeing?" Steve whispered, stopping dead in his tracks and pulling his husband to a stop through their interconnected hands. Bucky frowned a bit as his eyes scanned the room, wondering what could've possibly been behind the pure shock lacing Steve's tone. They were on their way out, intent on spending some time alone together for the first time in a long while, and Bucky knew something big must've caught his husband's attention if he was making the time to stop. 
"What?" he questioned confusedly after finding seemingly nothing amiss in the common room. Steve nudged him gently, wide eyes darting towards one of Stark's insanely expensive leather couches as if to say 'there, look over there dummy!'. Bucky felt his brows furrow deeper as he struggled to process what could possibly have his husband so worked up. It was just Y/N and Peter, the two of them sitting disgustingly close to one another as they idly watched some movie on the Tower's practically movie-theater sized tel--
Oh. 
Steve grinned at the sight of the two of them, squeezing Bucky's hand excitedly as he watched them. 
"That's great, I didn't know they were back together, did you?"
Bucky merely grunted in response, rolling his eyes and feigning nonchalance whilst internally feeling exceedingly relieved that things would hopefully go back to normal now. He felt so light, in fact, that a deep chuckle burst through his chest before he could stop it-- although he quickly covered it with a cough. 
The sound of him clearing his throat did not go unnoticed, Peter lifted his cheek slightly from the top of your head to look at the two super soldiers. His face immediately broke out into a furious blush, and though he would normally scramble away from you at the sight of your dads, he didn't move a muscle. Instead, he simply smiled nervously in their direction. 
Steve's face broke out into an even bigger grin, and he nodded curtly at the young boy before looking at Bucky with a very smug 'I told you so' face. 
Bucky rolled his eyes in fake annoyance, but shot Peter a knowing wink once Steve turned away. He scored himself a final mental point for sorting things out with Parker as he allowed his husband to pull him towards the door. The teen smiled and returned his attention to your sleeping form, feeling much happier than he had in weeks. 
Taglist: @beth-winchester21 , @peters-legos, @lou-la-lou
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threeletterslife · 4 years
Text
05 | Redefining Destiny
→ previous | next
→ summary: You were convinced you were in love with him. A former member of the mafia in the states, that is. It was true love. Destiny. Until one day you wake up with a memory lapse; then that love is replaced with hatred. The thought of marriage is substituted with revenge. If your love with Jeon Jungkook really was destiny, you’d fall head over heels in love again. But if only he weren’t such a hot, goading asshole.
→ pairing/rating: jungkook x reader | PG-13
→ genre: 70% fluff, 25% crack, 5% angst | e2l!au & soulmate!au
→ warnings: profanity, mentions of murder, torture and sex
→ wordcount: 3.5k
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You got in bed at a record time of 8:00 p.m., but you just couldn't fall asleep. Usually, on Friday nights, you go out with your Bible study group and have some nighttime tea while discussing a new verse. Today, however, you had to cancel for some alone time with God. And maybe try to catch up on some sleep and finally get rid of those hideous dark circles under your eyes.
But you are wide awake. You've tried everything. You spent an hour closing your eyes, hoping you would drift off to sleep. You even counted sheep up to three thousand. But you're still awake.
Sighing, you flip your covers off of your body, sliding out of your bed. You're alone in the dorm right now, with your roommates probably out and about in notorious frat parties. There's really nothing much to do. Well, you suppose you can study, but you don't really want to do that. Law is incredibly tedious for you, and every test you've taken so far, you'd crammed for it the night before to have minimal contact with the subject. But, it's a bit of a secret that you don't care about it.
Apparently, you're a law prodigy—and maybe your IQ is pretty high and your memorization and comprehension skills are through the roof. But pursuing law was obligatory for you; it wasn't a choice that you willingly made.
You feel suffocated in your small dorm room (that still smells a bit musty for whatever reason—must be that dang boy Yoojung brought in last night). And you've always connected to God better in the open—with no walls surrounding you and the natural air caressing your face.
I'll get out to the rooftop, then.
It's the perfect space for you to sit down and have some time alone, be introspective and pray for a little while. Maybe you'll get some answers from Him as to why it's so hard for you to fall asleep these days. There are only a few lights in the rooftop of the dorm building, so the darkness will surely help you with your thoughts. You'll maybe spend less than ten minutes there, so you don't bring a jacket with you. Besides, the rooftop has a few patio heaters you hope will be working when you get up there.
In your short sleeves and shorts, you quickly make your way to the rooftop, climbing stair after stair to reach it. When you finally push open the heavy metal door that opens up to the roof, you breathe a sigh of relief. The night air is cooler than you expected, which makes you shudder in your lack of warmth. You hear the heavy door slam shut behind you as you venture forth the rather dark rooftop, crossing your arms over your chest to preserve body heat.
The patio heaters seem to be off and so are all the lights. The only thing that seems to give you the tiniest sliver of light is the full moon up in the sky, but it's not bright enough to discern anything within five feet of you. So you have to squint to maneuver yourself around the dozens of couches and patio chairs spread across the ground. You're just about to collapse on a beanbag and catch your breath after the rather tortuous stair-climbing session when you hear a loud:
"Is someone there?"
You freeze. Oh no. Ohhhhh no.
How on Earth is this possible?
That was no-doubt, Jungkook's voice. Why he was up on the rooftop at night, alone, with all the lights off, you had no idea. But you know you have to leave. Your plans might have to be put on hold for now. There's no way you're staying up here, in the dark, with Jeon Jungkook.
Quickly, you stand up, creeping back towards the entrance and trying to heave open the heavy door. No use. It won't budge. You try again with both hands, putting all your strength into your arms. But the door won't pull open. You begin to panic, tugging on the handle as the door rattles against the wall.
"God, you can't even open that by yourself?"
You whirl around to come face to face with none other than Jeon Jungkook. He must've heard your desperate attempts to leave.
"I'd like to see you try," you bite back.
"Fine," he says. "Step aside, then."
"Gladly."
You can see the strain in Jungkook's arm muscles as he tries to force the door open but also to no avail.
"Oh, c'mon, Jeon. I thought you were stronger than that," you snort.
He grunts, "Shut up," as he tries again. No success. He whirls around to you with an angry look on his face. "What the fuck did you do?"
"What do you mean?" you say. "I didn't do anything!"
"You made the door get stuck!" he exclaims. "Now we're fucking stuck here. On a Friday night. Where everyone else is getting dumb drunk and having sex. God, now I'm stuck with the biggest virgin on planet Earth. What are you even here for? To pray or something?"
"It's not my fault!" you retort. "And as a matter of fact, yes, I came here to pray!"
"Why??" Jungkook groans in frustration. "Why is it always you?"
"I'd like to ask the same thing," you say, shivering when a strong gust of wind raises goosebumps on your bare skin. "Why does this keep happening to us?"
He eyes your lacking attire and rolls his eyes. "Don't ask me. I would've fixed it if I knew the reason."
"Fine. Why are you here, then? If you wanted to go on a Friday night rampage?"
Jungkook ignores you completely, walking away from you and fiddling with the patio heaters in an attempt to turn it on. "Damn," he curses when he realizes they're more or less broken.
"I asked," you repeat as another cold gust of wind makes you take a step back, "why are you here?"
The man jerks up to stare into your eyes. "None of your business," he says.
"Jeez. Sorry for intruding," you say sarcastically. "We might freeze to death up here at this rate."
"Well, I'm planning on living," Jungkook scoffs as he sits down on a plush couch and taps the spot right next to him. "Come here."
"What?" you huff. "If you think for one second that I'm going to—"
"It's for warmth, idiot," Jungkook says. "Fine. If you wanna die of hypothermia, that's not my problem."
You pretend to think about his offer for a bit before finally settling down next to him. But you have to admit, he's warm, and it heats up your skin, blocking away the cold night air. Jungkook casually drapes an arm around you, making you flinch.
"If you try anything..." you mutter threateningly.
Momentarily, under the dim moonlight, you can see that Jungkook looks offended, but he's able to hide it immediately. "You're not my type," he retorts. "You were shaking because you were cold so I'm helping you. I'm mean but I'm not that mean..."
"Fine," you say curtly before leaning against him, cheeks heating up just slightly. You're the epitome of awkward as you shift your legs so that they're not digging into Jungkook's. It's kinda sad how little contact you've had with males, but for some weird reason... this feels familiar. It's silent as the two of you melt in each other's warmth. You might dare say this was the most peaceful you've even been with your so-called nemesis.
"Hey, what did you do with the sunflower seeds?" Jungkook suddenly asks you. "The ones... um, I gave you at the festival or something."
"Oh," you say, "I planted them."
"Really?" Jungkook says as he turns to you with wide eyes and a small smile on his lips. "I thought you threw them away."
"Why would I do that?" you mumble. "They were a present... And besides, it would've been a waste of perfectly good sunflowers seeds."
Jungkook nods as his hand softly grazes your shoulder. "It's good," he mutters, "that you planted them..." You nod but you don't answer, mind too occupied with the close proximity of the man next to you. It's crazy how you're letting him, the one you thought you hated, hold you close in his arms. It doesn't seem like you to be this... welcoming. But you just can't shake off this weird feeling of familiarity. This weird feeling that you've somehow done this with him before.
Freaking déjà vu.
"You know," Jungkook suddenly says almost making you jump. "It's because of the moon."
"What?" you frown. "What's because of the moon?"
"You asked me earlier why I was here," Jungkook says slowly. He avoids eye contact with you as he answers, "I'm saying that it's because of the moon."
"Do you have some sort of penchant for full moons?" you laugh. "Or are you into space and all that jazz?"
Jungkook snorts. "I could never with astronomy. It's kinda personal, I guess." He shrugs. But you can tell the sudden shift in his aura—he's calmer, sadder. As if he's mourning a loss of some sort. He looks like he needs someone to lean on, someone to listen to his troubles. You've never seen him look this small before; usually, he's got a smug look on his face and refuses to back down on any argument. But he looks different now. Forlorn. Lonely—though you're next to him. He seems to silently howl to the moon, drowning in solitude and pleading for a friend, company, anything.
Sure he may be your enemy, but no one deserves to be unheard.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" you ask him carefully, treading the waters. "I'm a good listener."
Jungkook laughs under his breath. "I..." he starts. "I dunno. You gonna start a rumor about me again?"
"I only did that because you screwed me over first!" you protest. "And I regret doing that. You probably didn't deserve it."
"Are you trying to apologize to me?" Jungkook asks. But before you can answer, he speaks again. "Well, I'd like to say I'm sorry too. You know, for nearly giving you a hemorrhage."
You laugh. "In that case, I'm sorry too, I guess."
"You guess?"
"I don't know, Jungkook, you're being weirdly nice today."
"Or maybe I was just always this nice but you never gave me a chance."
"Hm," you hum. "I guess so... But I promise, Jungkook, that whatever you tell me here, today, I'll keep it a secret between the two of us."
"You don't really hit me as a liar," Jungkook hums. "So maybe you're telling the truth." He shrugs. "But I've never told this to anyone... Not that I have anyone to tell it to."
"You're a smart guy... And you're not too bad-looking either. If you tried, you could've made a lot of friends," you say.
"I'm not looking for friends," he simply answers. "I'm here at this university for one thing and one thing only. To become a paralegal."
"So the rumors are wrong?" you say.
"The rumors?"
You scratch your head awkwardly. "I mean... there's a lot of crazy stuff about you flying about campus..."
"Like what?"
"Um... like you sleep around with girls... a lot. But never with the same girl twice... And, uh, that you're 'freaky,' which aren't my words, but everyone else's," you say. "And that you probably picked up that habit from America..."
Jungkook scoffs. "I mean, I guess that's true to a degree... Maybe I do have a crazy sex drive. It's a habit that won't die I guess."
"What did America do to you?" you snort. "That place is such a culture clash from around here."
"I was born in Korea, but my parents thought it would be better if they sent me away abroad to pursue my studies," he says. "I spent so much of my childhood there... made some friends, got involved in crazy groups. Learned a few bad things... yeah. That's what America did to me. I came back here to get out of there."
"Were you continuing your American studies in Korea?"
"Oh God, no," Jungkook says. "I dropped out of college in America. But... I guess some bad shit happened... I didn't come to Korea initially to study. I came for closure, I guess. But then I got interested in law."
"Oh... wow," you breathe. "Just, wow."
"My best friend was murdered," Jungkook blurts out. "My closest friends were murdered in front of my face back in America."
Murdered???
You jerk your head towards him, jaw slack and unclosing with disbelief. You notice that he trembles when he says this, and you can hear the tears in his voice. His hand shakes against your shoulder, and without even thinking, you automatically place your hand on top of his.
"They were kicked and tortured and I couldn't do anything but watch in the dark, in the sidelines," he begins to sob. "I couldn't bring myself to abandon them... But I had to. My best friend, Taehyung, he told me I had to leave to save myself. It was so selfish of me. But I left. I didn't even call for help. I left."
The words tumble out of Jungkook, almost overwhelming you with the cruel story—the story of his past.
"Oh my gosh," you breathe. "Jungkook..." You've never seen him this broken in your life. He looks so hurt, so miserable that for the first time, you feel sorry for him. You've heard about violence in the states—maybe more than you'd like. And Jungkook was just an indirect victim of it.
"Now I want to go into law," the broken man continues. "Criminal law. I need to right the wrongs. For Taehyung. For my other friends who died that night."
"Gosh, Jungkook..."
"I've never gone into this much detail about this, Y/N," Jungkook says. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry for bombarding you with all of this... I don't know. For some reason, it felt right to tell you all of that. It's stupid, I know."
"I don't mind, Jungkook," you say. "You needed to vent to someone." And besides, you think. I'm not that surprised, internally. Almost as if I heard of this same story coming out of his mouth before. What is it about this man and déjà vu? "I'm sorry for all of your losses," you tell him. You mean it, too. "You're strong, pushing through like this. You know that? Hey, I even know a Bible verse just for you."
"Really?" Jungkook smiles. "I'm not well-acquainted with the Bible or God. But I'm willing to listen."
"Well, it goes something like this," you say, closing your eyes and repeating the lines by memory and by heart. "Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go—"
"Joshua 1:9," Jungkook whispers.
You whip your head around to face him. "How did you know that?"
Jungkook looks surprised at himself. "I actually have no idea. Maybe I heard it somewhere before? I dunno."
You smile. "Well, you should keep that verse in mind when you're in the slumps," you tell him. "It can help a lot."
"Thanks, Y/N," Jungkook says, cocking his head as he looks at you curiously. "So," he sighs deeply, "you know my motive for law school... And we're in the mood of spilling our darkest secrets... So, can I ask yours?"
You snort. "I don't really have a motive," you confess. "If I have to be really honest, I don't really care for law."
"Then..."
"Family rep," you say. "I come from a very long line of lawyers. So it was pretty much predestined for me to study law at this school."
"I'm sorta surprised, Y/N," Jungkook says. "I always thought the law prodigy was in love with her subject."
"I guess you never really know until you talk to her, right?" you say. "Besides, you're the first person I've ever told about this... My parents would flip if they found out, but I've always wanted to become an elementary school teacher. Kinda too late to start that now, though."
"It's not that late," Jungkook says. "You should pursue what you want."
"It's not as easy as you think," you say. "My devout Christian parents would literally have a heart attack if I told them I was going to break family tradition. They might even cut me off like they cut my sister off for going to music school." You nervously twist the purity ring around your finger. "If they found me here, you know, so close to you, they'd literally pass out on the spot. I'm not really supposed to be in your arms right now."
Jungkook laughs. "Yet you're not leaving."
"I'm not," you say. "My parents are strict, so sometimes I can let myself break their impossible rules."
"You should do what you want," Jungkook mutters as he subconsciously tugs you closer to his chest. "At this age, you should know what's good for yourself. Follow your own dreams."
"Really?" you say. "Thanks." You look up at the man to smile at him, and he stares right back at you, smiling as well. The two of you stay that way, in silence, looking into each other's eyes as heat flood through your cheeks. Jungkook pulls away first.
"God," he mutters. "This whole conversation would've been better if we were drunk."
"Well, then we wouldn't have remembered it," you say.
"I know," he answers. "That's the point."
You laugh. "I don't even know if I hate you that much anymore, Jungkook."
"Really?"
"I mean..." you sigh, trailing off. "You're a nice guy, JK—can I even call you that? I can see it now. I have no idea why I hated you so much."
"Hated? Past tense?"
You smile. "I told you. I don't really think I hate you as much as before."
"Okay, good. I'm glad that the feeling is mutual," Jungkook answers. "If we die out here, just know that I take back all of the insults I ever told you."
You giggle, shaking your head as you blow on your numb fingers. "You really think we're going to die here?"
"It's fucking cold, Y/N. We could totally die," Jungkook says, hugging you close to him. "It's a good thing I got my secrets off of my chest. They'll die with us."
You laugh. "Same for me too!"
Looking up, you can see Jungkook staring fondly at you again. Once more, his presence is so familiar, so calming for you. And his body pressing against you feels natural. With him, you don't feel uncomfortable at all. He's so close to your face that you can smell the hints of what's left of the spearmint cologne he probably put on this morning. Wow, is all you can think. He's much more stunning up close.
You have no idea why on Earth you had hated this sweet man with doe eyes. He, though at times a bit argumentative (but what kind of law student isn't?), is sweet, thoughtful and strangely caring. You feel like you know him much better now, and the fact that you know his darkest secret makes you want to stay by his side to give him a hand sometimes. So he's just a little bit less lonely.
And with Jungkook, you almost feel so much more... loved? Was that the right word? With him, you feel a feeling you cannot describe. A feeling that you're sure cannot blossom from just one good conversation. But it did, anyways. It's inexplicable, but he feels right.
He has the prettiest doe eyes that almost call you into their depths. You're staring into them without realizing.
Until—
"Woah, holy shit, am I interrupting something?"
The loud voice shatters everything.
The door to the rooftop entrance is opened and some guy—a freshman, perhaps—is holding it open, with an amused look on his face.
You and Jungkook scramble apart from each other, you particularly red in the face.
"Um, no!" you shriek too loudly. "I, uh, no, we got stuck and we were cold!" you protest, rubbing your hands against your bare arms. "We didn't do anything. Right, JK?"
A wave of déjà vu hits Jungkook.
Right, JK?
Right, Tae.
He struggles to find words on his tongue, and gets out, "Right, Y/N," just in time before you ask if a cat got his tongue.
From there, you and Jungkook awkwardly part, which was better than your usual animosity-filled partings. Jungkook bids you a goodnight's sleep and you bid him one as well. He slips into his bed that night, heart beating wildly in his chest and thoroughly confused.
It's just too much, he thinks.
Right, JK?
Right, Tae.
Right, Y/N.
There's no way... But there might be. Jungkook doesn't know for sure.
He falls asleep soon after and isn't awoken by any vicious nightmares throughout the whole night. The whole time, in dreamland, he wonders if you'll be his new Kim Taehyung.
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crocodileniall · 4 years
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wattpad // story page
seven: lay it on me, anything you want 
word count: 2602
“I’d love it if you stayed,” Niall admitted, voice soft and sweet as he kissed at her neck.
Clementine couldn’t help but laugh as the scruff on his chin scratched against the sensitive skin of her neck. She whined out, “Niall,” as a warning.
But Niall curled his fingers around her hips, pulling her in for a kiss. Clementine hummed against his lips, shifting closer to him for only a moment. She pulled away, laughing breathily, “I can’t stay.”
“I know,” Niall laughed, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear.
“It’s not going to work,” she hummed, eyes fluttering as he brushed his knuckles against her cheek.
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Niall couldn’t describe the way it felt standing in the crowded pub, drink in hand, pretending not to notice Clementine. 
Clementine had caught his gaze, smiling knowingly at him. It was just for him, that smile she had. Niall felt his stomach jump just at the sight of her. And then the smile? The way her eyes lit up? Niall had to tear himself away, grabbing a drink at the bar. 
He decided the best nights were the ones that celebrated her. Clementine told him he was the first person she told that she’d gotten the lead as Aurora in Sleeping Beauty. Niall did his best to convince her that she was a natural born Aurora. Clementine obviously didn’t believe it. 
Nonetheless, Clementine was buzzing, drink in hand talking to people Niall didn’t know. He tried not to think too much about the way that her hips looked with a tight denim skirt wrapped around them. He tore his eyes away just as Liam approached him, his own drink in hand. 
“This is a shitshow,” Liam mumbled, leaning against the wall beside him. “The girls are fighting.”
“What d’ya mean they’re fighting?” Niall asked, eyebrows pulling together. 
“Danielle is proper jealous which she won’t show- obviously. I guess Georgie has been really mean to Lemen. Just snide and-“
“Why’re you telling me this?” Niall asked, trying not to sound annoyed even though he was. 
“I just thought since you and Lemen hang out that-“ he cut off with a sigh. “I don’t want to be presumptuous but she’s around all the time. At odd hours of the night and-“
“So don’t be presumptuous then,” Niall cut him off again. “Clementine and I are friends,” he insisted. “We hang out.”
“Niall you don’t just bloody hang out with girls,” Liam muttered. “I’m not an idiot.”
“Well I don’t know what to tell ya,” Niall shrugged, turning away as he took the last sip of his beer. “I’m going to have a smoke.” 
Niall left his discarded cup on the table as he squeezed past people. By the time he’d stepped out into the cool London air, he already had his cigarette lit. Only when he leaned against the brick of the building, taking the first drag could he properly think. 
He was unsure of how long he’d need to deny his feelings for Clementine. It was getting harder and harder after the nights they were spending together. 
Niall thought back to a few nights ago when Clementine had come over after practice. The way she’d pressed herself against Niall in his bed and moaned against his lips. Niall’d barely touched her. Just two hands on her bum and she moaned like that. 
Niall shook the thoughts from his head, just as the front doors opened. Clementine came out, making her way towards him. “Hey ya,” she said, leaning against the building beside him. “Thought you were running out already.”
“Ah no,” Niall chuckled, scratching at his neck. “Just needed a smoke.”
“Everything alright?” She asked, noticing the lines between his eyebrows. Though Niall’s frown wasn’t on his lips, she could always see it between his brows. 
“I’m alright,” Niall nodded. “Are you?” 
That’s when Clementine cracked, sighing softly. “I guess so.”
Niall hummed, not completely buying it. “This is your night, Clem. It should be incredible.”
“It should,” she laughed, shaking her head. “It should be incredible.”
“Well I’m proud of you,” Niall told her, looking down at her just before taking a drag of his cigaret. “And I couldn’t be happier for you.”
“Thanks, Niall,” she murmured, smiling a bit sadly. “It means a lot.”
“Did ya call home? Tell them the big news?” Niall asked, changing the subject. 
“Ah no,” Clementine shook her head. “Not yet. I will in the morning.” 
“Hm,” Niall hummed, taking a long drag, before dropping it on the ground. “How come you didn’t call?” 
“I didn’t know what to say,” Clementine shrugged. “Didn’t want to make a fuss.”
Niall sighed, wrapping his arm around her, pulling her in to press a kiss to her forehead. “It’s not a fuss. I don’t even know your mam but I know for sure she wouldn’t call it a fuss.”
“Well,” Clementine mumbled, shrugging her shoulders lamely. “I dunno.” 
“D’ya wanna get out of here?” Niall asked, voice soft. 
“Kind of,” Clementine nodded, beginning to feel sadder about the day she’s had. “Georgie isn’t being very nice and Danielle will hardly talk to me.”
Niall breathed out a sigh as they began walking down the street. He pressed another kiss to her head, unable to find the words to make her feel better. 
“I’ve been having thoughts like I don’t even want to be lead if my friends are going to hate me for it,” Clementine mumbled. “Is it worth it?” 
“Yes it is,” Niall nodded. “Clem, you’ve been working for this your whole life.” 
“I know,” Clementine murmured as they walked. “Just sucks they aren’t happy for me.” 
“They’ll come around,” Niall promised, though he wasn’t sure they would. He knew how jealous friends were, and how sometimes they didn’t come around. 
When they got to Niall’s place, Clementine went right for a drink, pulling out a bottle of wine. Niall let her, following her into the living room with two glasses in his own hands. 
“I’d rather be here than a stupid pub,” Clementine mumbled, pouring their drinks. 
“Me too,” Niall chuckled, picking up his glass. He finally took a moment to get a look at Clementine. Her soft thighs pressed against his denim clad ones. The way she tucked her legs. 
“You’re staring at me,” Clementine murmured, amused. She took a gulp of wine, hiding her pink cheeks behind her glass. 
“Me?” Niall asked, eyebrows raising. “Not I. I’d never...” he trailed off, eyes falling back down, this time to her hips. “Stare.” 
“You say as you stare,” Clementine mumbled, shaking her head. She had a flush to her cheeks that Niall knew he put there. 
“Well it’s impossible not to,” Niall reasoned, almost innocently. “Have ya seen yourself? The most beautiful fuckin girl I’ve ever seen.” 
“Now I just know that’s a lie,” Clementine laughed, settling on the couch. She looked up at him with soft eyes, nearly causing him to melt. 
Niall breathed out a sigh, shaking his head, “just say thank you.” 
Clementine laughed again as she said, “thank you- even though that was an outlandish compliment.” 
“Outlandish? Hardly,” Niall murmured. “It’s a scientific fact that once you get to know someone, you find them even more attractive.”
“So really your brain has tricked you into thinking I’m more attractive than I actually am?” 
“Jesus fuck,” Niall laughed, shaking his head, reaching for the tv remote. “You’re impossible. Drink your wine.” 
Clementine laughed, only moving closer to him until he wrapped his arm around her. Niall laughed, dropping the remote beside her, “I’m going to spill my wine. So are you. Watch what you’re doing.”
Clementine sat up, sighing. She tilted her head back, effectively chugging the rest of her wine before setting her empty glass on the coffee table. She licked her lips, murmuring, “Niall I came here to kiss.”
“That’s all ya want me for?” Niall asked, affronted. He turned the tv on for noise, shifting in his spot to face her. 
Clementine laughed, closing the space between them. “Of course not. Missed those lips of yours.” 
Niall hummed nodding, as he pulled her in for a soft kiss. Breathily he whispered, “missed those lips of yours too.” 
Niall got lost in her lips, eyes fluttering shut. His eyelids were heavy as they kissed, unable to open them. The sensation went all the way to his toes. Niall would swear he’s never felt like this kissing anyone else. 
Clementine pushes her fingers beneath his t-shirt, nails dragging along the skin of his belly. It was teasing. Niall broke the kiss, panting as he said, “Clem.”
“I just...” she trailed off, licking her lips. “Want to see you.”
Niall physically couldn’t argue with that, feeling like his tongue weighed a million pounds. He let Clementine pull his shirt off and over his head. Her eyes glazed over his body and Niall felt like he could squirm. 
Clementine didn’t let him feel nervous, pulling her shirt off too, dropping it beside his. Niall drank her in, eyes drifting from the curve of her hips, to the pink bra she was wearing. Niall reached out for her hips, pulling her closer. 
“You’re beautiful,” Niall whispered, kissing at her neck. Clementine arched into him, sighing softly. The kisses left a burning trail up her skin. The way his hand slid to her back, pressing her closer. 
“Niall-“ Clementine breathed out, pressing her thighs together. “I’m not drunk,” she said. 
“I know,” Niall nodded, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. 
“I keep putting this off,” she said, sighing softly. She cast her eyes down, shaking her head. “Thinking it’ll be another thing that I regret, or I’ll feel differently in the morning but-“
“If you want to stop we stop,” Niall urged, firmly. “I’d never take advantage of ya. Your feelings are all that matter to me.” 
“I know,” Clementine nodded, finally meeting his eyes with a soft smile. “I know you do. I can’t tell you how much that means to me. I want it, with you. The sex stuff,” she clarified, nodding as she held his gaze. “Just, I think my mind should be clear for this set of shows.” 
“I understand,” Niall nodded, unwavering. “There’s no pressure. Really.”
“It’s only a month and a half,” Clementine said, grabbing their shirts off the floor. 
“Until then,” Niall chuckled, pulling his shirt over his head. “Don’t fucking take my shirt off.”
Clementine laughed, settling on the sofa beside him. She breathed out a sigh, nodding, “no funny business. Hands stay above the waist. Nothing under the shirt.”
“Lots of rules, you have,” Niall mused, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “I’ll try my best to follow them. Same goes for you and your wandering hands.”
Clementine all but rolled her eyes at that, chuckling, “wherever you say.”
Nonetheless, Niall wrapped his arm around her, pressing a kiss to her head. Clementine pulled a blanket off the couch, settling against him. She slid her hand into his, sighing softly. “Can I tell you something?” 
“Of course,” Niall murmured. 
“My first boyfriend took advantage of me,” she told him, voice quiet. “Just... always left me feeling kind of badly after sex. It‘s made me feel nervous when it comes to those things.”
“Clem I’d never...” Niall trailed off, desperate for her to understand. “I’m sorry that happened. You didn’t deserve that- fuck no one deserves that.” 
“Thanks,” she murmured, shifting impossibly closer to him. 
“If-if after this round of shows, you still don’t feel ready like. That’ll be okay,” he told her, hoping he was picking the right words
“That means a lot,” Clementine smiled, looking up at him. “I think I’ll be ready, though.” 
Suddenly Niall pictured Clementine all those months ago, in Rosie’s bedroom as Louis tried to kiss her. The things she must have been feeling. How one tiny detail, like bitten lips, could have set her off. 
Niall felt an urge to protect her from every bad thing in the world. Just those soft eyes looking up at him, and Niall was ready to risk it all for her. 
Clementine kissed him again, soft and sweet. Their lips just barely brushing. Niall brushing his fingers over her cheek, over her jaw as they pulled away. “You mean the world to me,” Clementine murmured. 
Niall smiled, nodding, hoping she knew that she meant the same to him. He managed to ask, “d’ya want to stay the night?” 
Clementine hummed, shifting, “Don’t know if I should. I’m getting an early morning workout and then some studio time.” 
“I’d love it if you stayed,” Niall admitted, voice soft and sweet as he kissed at her neck. 
Clementine couldn’t help but laugh as the scruff on his chin scratched against the sensitive skin of her neck. She whined out, “Niall,” as a warning. 
But Niall curled his fingers around her hips, pulling her in for a kiss. Clementine hummed against his lips, shifting closer to him for only a moment. She pulled away, laughing breathily, “I can’t stay.”
“I know,” Niall laughed, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. 
“It’s not going to work,” she hummed, eyes fluttering as he brushed his knuckles against her cheek. 
“I’m not doin’ anything,” he smiled, though he knew he was. They both knew. It didn’t stop Clementine from falling for it, though. 
Clementine was kissing him again, fingers sliding under his shirt. The feeling of her soft fingers against his skin. Now she was teasing. Niall was here for it, letting her take control. 
The lock on the front door had Clementine pulling away, wiping her mouth on the back of her hand. Niall let out a breath, relaxing against couch. 
From the corner of his eye, Niall could see Clementine fixing her disheveled hair. Subconsciously, Niall did the same, running his fingers through his fringe. 
“Hey guys,” Liam called from the kitchen. “Lemen, everyone was wondering where you went. Just disappeared on us.” 
“Oh yeah,” Clementine chuckled in a way that Liam would see as light but Niall was the depreciation in her eyes. “Wasn’t feeling very party-like.” 
Liam snorted, walking into the living room, water in hand. “Clearly if you’ve come to hang out with Niall. He’s like permanently grumpy these days.” 
Clementine hummed at that, meeting Niall’s eyes. The fondness in them, Niall only chuckled, nodding, “good one, Liam.” 
“I’m heading to bed,” Liam said, ignoring Niall. “See ya later, Lemen.” 
Clementine didn’t respond, shifting awkwardly beside Niall as Liam disappeared up the steps. Niall breathed out a sigh once he was out of ear shot. 
“Think I’m ready to go home,” Clementine told him, voice quiet. 
“Right,” Niall nodded. “Yeah I’ll walk ya.” 
Once their shoes were on, they made their way out into the London night. Clementine held on tightly to her bag, white knuckling it. Niall didn’t comment on it, instead focusing his eyes on the lights. 
When they were halfway to her flat, Clementine finally sighed. “Does it ever bother you how they talk?” 
“I mean,” Niall nodded, shrugging. “Sometimes but not enough to really think about it.” 
“I think you’re fun,” Clementine said, refuting Liam’s comment. “I’d rather hang out with you than some stupid boring party.”
“The party was for you,” Niall chuckled, effectively peeling her hand from the hold it had on her purse strap. He slid his hand into hers, squeezing softly. 
“I know but it was terribly boring,” Clementine muttered, dramatically. 
“As opposed to sitting on the couch?” Niall mused. 
“I think anything with you would be the most interesting thing to me,” Clementine told him, voice soft. “Don’t care if it’s sitting on the couch or watching paint dry. Long as I’m with you it’d be absolutely thrilling.” 
“You’re full of it,” Niall murmured fondly. He was hardly able to believe she existed. 
“Maybe I am,” Clementine laughed, shrugging. 
Clementine prolonged their goodbye, kissing him again and again until Niall laughed, pushing her away, two hands on her hips. She pouted at him from a distance and Niall gave in, kissing her again. 
Only when her lips were bruised and her cheeks ached, did Niall peel himself from her. He was breathless, watching her walk up the steps to the front door. 
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Pampered Birthday
Dean Winchester x Reader // Patron Benefit Fanfic!
Author's Notes:  Slowly but surely getting back into the writer life! Trying to catch up with season 15 and every time it reignites my love of Sam and Dean! This one is for @abbessolute​
Summary/Request:  Birthday fic with Dean! Again season 15 had a bathtub that inspired this fic. It's fluffy!
Word Count: 1850ish
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The velvety bellow of a blues song on vinyl echoes through the halls of the bunker. The place is dim, any lights that are on are giving off a soft, warm glow.
You feel like you’ve gone back in time and in this world of supernatural beings, the chances of that were not zero percent. So your guard is up and you stay quiet as you go deeper into the bunker. You perform a sweep, walking slowly through the library and then to the kitchen. You put your groceries on the table and move on. Sam’s room is empty; he’s out of town, checking in with other hunters. So is yours.
The song changes to something more familiar, classic rock. Something you know belongs here. Those are Dean’s records. It must be coming from Dean’s room. So maybe there’s nothing wrong?
But hadn’t Dean said he was going out for ammo supplies before settling in for a night of making devil’s trap bullets and rock salt shells. He’d invited you help but you’d declined, preferring to take a long bath and read a book.
It was your birthday after all.
Sam had expressed his regrets for not being in town, promising to make it up to you when he returned. But what was Dean’s excuse? Did he even know it was your birthday? Was your life becoming a scarier, sadder version of 16 Candles? Dean definitely qualified as your Jake Ryan. The handsome hunk who didn’t realize you were pining for him. You’re convinced he sees you as a sister rather than a woman. And forgetting your “sibling’s” birthday...it was definitely plausible when you recall that he’d once forgotten to acknowledge Sam’s birthday. Sam never let him live it down either. But you wouldn’t hold it against Dean. You hadn’t exactly broadcast the impending date.
You’re a little more relaxed as you approach Dean’s room. Since you’re all like family, you don’t even bother to knock. The light is off and there’s no one in here.
“Dean?” you say into the dark. There’s no answer. The music continues to play, perhaps even the volume turning down a little. Your guard is back up, you reach for the sheathed knife you always keep on your belt.
You realize that the air feels warmer as you approach the bathroom. It smells like cinnamon. It’s enough of a comforting aroma that your grip on the knife falters. The closer you get to the bathroom, the more confident you are that this is where the sound is coming from. Candle light flickers on the wall before you round the corner and enter the large bathroom.
You stop in your tracks, taking in the sight of the man in a dark gray robe hovering over the bathtub, lighting another candle.
“Dean?”
He curses as the flaming match burns his fingers. “I thought I had a little more time,” he laments as he stands up and turns around. He’s wearing flannel pajama pants and a plain t-shirt underneath the robe. He spreads his arms wide, directly your gaze to look over the room.
“What? What is this? What’s going on?” Dean’s record player is in the corner, a stack of your favorite records beside it. The large bathtub--it’s built to stay in place in the center of the room with two steps to get in and wide ledges on every side--is being filled with steaming hot water, an open bottle of your favorite bubble bath is on one of the edges. There are candles everywhere, enough that most of the lights in the room are off and you can still see.
“Happy birthday, Y/N,” Dean beams at you.
“Wh-D-Dean, you didn’t have to do this.”
“Ah, but I did. It’s your birthday and this is what you wanted to do tonight right? Take a hot bath and read?” He picks up a book. A romance novel. “I bought this one because the half-naked cowboy on the cover looks like me,” He smirks and you can’t stop yourself from giggling. “I’ve seen you read romance novels before and I know you and Sam love your rom-coms, so I figured I’d follow his example.” You blush at the thought of Dean purchasing the item.
“This is too much.” You fight off the hot tears brimming in your eyes. Dean shrugs.
“I mean, maybe I went a little overboard on the candles. But I’m sure we’ll use them again for something.” It’s only a slight reminder of the world outside of this room where rituals will be performed and the world will need saving. Dean notices the tears forming in your eyes. “Hey, hey, what’s wrong?”
“I just...Dean, I’m not worth all this. All this effort. It’s just a birthday. We have bigger things to focus on.” Dean gets closer and reaches out for your hands. You still hadn’t let go of the knife on your belt. He looks proud for a second before separating your grip.
“Just because Chuck is a dick and the world is going to shit...doesn’t mean we can’t stop to enjoy the simple things. And honestly surviving another year as a hunter is a big deal. We should really be throwing you a big party,” he chuckles as your eyes widen.
“Oh god, please, no!”
“That’s what I thought.” Dean gives you a soft hug and a kiss on the head. “Now I’m gonna turn around and you’re going to get in that tub.”
“What? With you still in here?” All sadness has melted away, your body filling with warmth and happiness as you truly take in the sight of Dean’s handiwork. He really does care for you.
“Eh, don’t worry, the bubbles will cover you up...unfortunately.” He winks at you before turning around. Dean mumbles along to the music playing while you do as instructed. You double check that he isn’t looking before shedding your clothes and undergarments. All the while you’re thinking to yourself, what the hell am I thinking!? Getting naked in the same room as Dean Winchester?
You sink slowly into the water, it’s almost too hot--which means it’s actually just right. You manipulate the bubbles and even add some more to make sure you’re covered before letting him turn back around.
“Okay, I’m in.”
“Good. Now scoot forward.”
“What?!” Dean shirks off his robe and rolls up his pajama pants until his knees are revealed. His legs have a slight tan to them like his shoulders and arms. It has you imagining him in board shorts on a beach chair with suntan oil. It’s enough to have you distracted as he comes up behind the tub and starts climbing in, framing your shoulders with his legs as he sits on the edge.
“Now lean back.” You follow the instruction but he takes the opportunity to unsettle you and dunk you underwater. You come up sputtering and wiping the soapy water from your face.
“What the hell?”
“M’gonna wash your hair. So stop squirming,” Dean laughs, squeezing your shampoo into his hands. He must’ve stolen that from your private bathroom.
“Are you serious?”
“Shh and just let it happen. Sam will never believe you if you tell him I did this so enjoy it while it lasts,” he grumbles. You look up as he starts to card his fingers through your hair. He’s focusing on his technique it would seem, but he’s smiling at you watching him. His fingers feel amazing as they massage the soap into your scalp. You let out a small moan, sinking lower into the water. You wrap one of your arms around Dean’s leg to anchor you. “Am I doing it right?” he says softly, though the smirk can be heard plainly in his voice.
“Mm-hm…”
Dean dips a cup into the water and leans your head back. He curves one of his hands over your forehead to protect your eyes as he pours the water over your head and down your back. He does it a second time and then grabs a washcloth to rub over your shoulders. He dips it into the water and runs the fabric down your back. It’s intimate and perhaps even a little hesitant. But you lean forward, accepting the gesture and releasing another sigh.
“Is there anything else that would make this a good birthday? There’s pie in the fridge?”
“No, Dean. This...this is amazing.” You half-turn around in the tub, exposing your collarbone and maybe just a hint of the top of your breasts. “It’s more that I ever could’ve asked for.” You rest a hand on his knee. “Thank you, Dean.”
“Of course. We’re not done fighting but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t seize every moment, right?”
The idea is more sentimental that you’d expect from Dean, but then again you’d never expect this handsome man to be leaning forward right now. His hand, warm from the water, cups your face and turns it up towards him.
He presses his lips to yours, soft and tentative. When he feels your lips pucker to meet his, he kisses you again, your mouths lining up like they’re puzzle pieces, meant for each other. He ignores any straining in his back from leaning forward until it’s too late. You hear an odd noise as Dean’s foot suddenly loses its grip on the bottom of the tub and he slips into tub alongside you.
“Sonuva…!” he hisses, searching for something to grab hold of but it’s too late. Water sloshes over the sides as you scoot back to the other end of the tub. It’s big enough to accommodate the second body but I’m sure Dean isn’t thinking about that. Although you can’t help but remember that you’re naked and he’s...not. His shirt and pants are completely submerged with him and bubbles are now resting on the tip of his nose.
“Oh my gosh, are you okay?” you giggle and reach out wipe the bubbles away. He’s cross-eyed for a moment as he watches you do it. He sighs and starts to strip off the wet fabric of his shirt. It’s heavy as he throws it across the room and lands on the ground with a splat! His sun-kissed and freckled shoulders move up and down as his hands work under the water. “W-what are you doing?”
His pajama pants emerge from the water and he throws them in the same direction of his other shirt.
“Taking a bath apparently.” He pauses to dip his own head under the water. You’re mesmerized by the water droplets that stay on his lashes when he comes back up. “But don’t worry, the underwear is staying on. Now, c’mere,” Dean reaches out for you. 
He grabs your wrist and pulls you across the tub, laying your naked frame on top of his. The bubbles still hide what’s underneath and one of his arms coils around your waist, the other cradles your head as he pulls your in for another kiss. With your lips parted and his tongue delving into your mouth, it’s far from a chaste kiss.
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bahrlee · 4 years
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Suck the Blood to my Wound - Beok AU
Hello LGBTQ+ community it is chapter time
🦇🦇🦇Chapter 23: The Okay Summer🦇🦇🦇
Summer was coming to a glorious climax. People started leaving their summer homes in town and driving or flying back to wherever they came from. The sun was starting to inch it's way to the other side of the earth at an earlier time. Though he had friends to distract him, the dread in the back of his mind was present. Sure, the weather will stay the same. It was much different than its impact up north where the snow caked everything in sight and melted into cold water into your shoes and onto the roads, eroding the cement and creating potholes that are shotily filled with tar, snow shoveled up into dirty, muddy piles on the side of the road, and freezing dogs feet to the point where they limp back inside, shivering. Yet he still felt the pain of the mere existence of a fall and a winter. The days were shorter, and that's all that mattered to him. The nightmares were worse. Things that were sad were even sadder. Things that were scary were now terrifying, and things that concerned him turned him into a paranoid mess.
   Then, all of a sudden, September First. Right there, on his calendar in big blocky letters right above a picture of a tree with a tire swing hanging off from one of the branches. He let out his first defeated sigh of this era. He wasn't there yet, the sun was just out long enough to keep him out of this miserable rut, but it was soon. Very soon. He felt it right behind him. 
   "Beach, are you okay?" Dook asked him when seeing him on this day, the way he looked down at the floor with a hopelessness Dook didn't get to see on him yet.
   He shrugged, unable to really describe the feeling of impending emptiness. "Just the seasons changing, that's all. And I still miss Roxy."
   Dook nodded. At least with the sun setting, they had a little more time they could spend together. The streetlights were just turning on, the sky a bluish violet, the stars beginning to blink through the ominous grey clouds overhead. They didn't really know what they were doing, but that was something they always figured out along the way. Walking together, was all they wanted to do, holding hands, talking, and laughing. Getting their mind off of things.
   "You're not a big fan of change, are you?" He said. 
   He shook his head yes. "I get so used to things when they're one way, that it's hard sometimes to do it another. I've gotten better, but sometimes I can't help but want to scream about it."
   "It's hard, yeah." Dook sighed. "You didn't seem like the anxious type when I first met you."
   "I…. Get that quite a bit." 
   They swung their locked hands back and forth, picking up their pace a little bit. A car trundled by and turned a corner. Neon red and blue 'open' signs were beginning to flicker off as places began to close. Tonight was a very humid night, a definite sign it was going to rain soon. And here they were, outside, surrounded by close or closing buildings, with no umbrella. It was no surprise to them when it started to sprinkle. Then, the rain started to grow heavy, causing them to run, in a mess of giggles, in search of a place to hide under.
   They found a place under an awning, soaked and out of breath. They were quiet for a long moment---the two watched it rain, their hands still intertwined. Beach turned to Dook, his eyes clouded and unfocused. 
   "I like the rain." Dook said quietly. 
   "We needed it."
   "Yeah, we did." 
   Beach unhooked their hands and put his arm around Dooks waist. It was different, touching someone when their clothes were wet, and sticking to their skin, and when their hair was damp and frizzing. Maybe because they were cold (which in this case Dook was even colder) and shivering, and so touching felt different. It was, overall, just a different experience. He felt Dook lean his head on his shoulder. "This is the first uh…. Kinda decent summer I've had in awhile."
   "Really?"
   "I-I mean---yeah, I met you, I got away from Rolfe a couple of times, this summer has been…. Okay."
   "Hard to have an okay summer when you can't really go into the sun." Beach remarked.
   "....true." Dook said. "But I'd rather focus on what happened that was good. There are things that would've made it better, but if okay is all I can get, I'm taking it."
   "You deserve a better summer." Beach said, leaning his head down on top of his. "I'd give you a better summer if I could."
   "You already have."
   "An even better one, then."
   The sound of the rain patting against the fabric of the awning and the water pouring out of the gutters filled their ears as they watched another car go by, a tire sloshing through a puddle building up in the curb. The rain felt like it would never stop, but that was okay for them.
🦇🦇🦇
   Mitzi rushing into his house, unnerved, was always a warning sign. "I found a dead member of my pod nearby…" she squeaked. "They were bleeding out, in their sea form, they had salt all over them….I dragged them into the ocean and back home, for my aunts to take care of it. But…"
   "Oh no, Mitzi, I'm sorry...." Beach said.
   "I wish we couldn't sense each other like this. I wish our disguises were used to hide from them, too. But whatever, senses give it away, and someone I know ends up dead."
   "Are you sure it was Rolfe?" He asked.
   "Well if it were Dook he'd have a lot of explaining to do, hes squeamish. Rolfes a wimp, but he's proven to be a cold hearted killer." Her hands were shaking her eyes couldn't focus on one thing, shifting everywhere as her mind grappling with the unadulterated fear she was feeling. "I'm really scared, what if he finds my aunts? What if he kills them too?" 
   "Mitzi, don't get paranoid." He gently put his hands on her shoulders, like an uncle trying to cheer up their upset niece who just scraped her knee falling off her bike.
   She was beginning to cry, unable to handle the dear she was having. 
   "Oh Mitzi…." Beach said quietly.
   "I can't help but feel like something bad is going to happen." She sniffled.
   Beach didn't really know what to say---considering how many bad things happened already, he couldn't blame her for suspecting even more bad things to come about. She copied the defeated expression he gave her in solidarity. No positive or hopeful quote or saying could make them feel any better.
   "Let's just make sure we don't get hurt." He said.
   She nodded solemnly, hanging her head low afterwards. He didn't really know what to do. He wasn't much of a hugger, but she needed one. He was willing to put his disdain aside to give her one. Paternal instincts were something he's gained from this whole narrative. She hugged back, her hands clinging to him like a child. 
   "I won't let anything bad happen to you." He said. Her aunts will kill me if I do, he thought.
   "I want fruit roll ups." She whined, wiping away her black tears when she let go.
   "Oh my god…. I don't have those."
   She began to tear up again.
   "Oh my god, Mitzi…."
   "I want fruit roll ups…."
   This is what it must've felt like to have a teenage sister. All she did was worry, eat, and cry, and he had to deal with it. He didn't mind though. He cared for her, even when she was being this way. So when she snagged her arms around him again, he didn't push her away. 
   "You wanna watch a movie?" He said.
   "Camp rock?" She looked up at him, her inky tears staining his shirt.
   "Sure, if you want."
   "The weird fish movie then?"
   He paused for a moment. "That movie will make you feel worse."
   "But it's animated!"
   "That means nothing."
   "Fine…. We can watch camp rock."
   "I…. Have other movies besides the fish movie and camp rock."
   She didn't respond, buried her head into his shirt, and kept hugging him. He stroked the back of her head, confused but sympathetic. "Camp Rock it is, I guess."
🦇🦇🦇
   He poured Mitzi a glass of Tropicana fruit punch, since she was craving something fruity and was quite dehydrated after crying the way she did. She drank it the way a kid did---no stopping for breath, just wheezing into the cup as she drank, the soothing feeling of a beverage going down your throat after a cry was an immaculate one. She also wrapped herself with a blanket. He didn't know whether he should be glad, or scared that she was becoming comfortable enough that she could make herself at home. He put on camp rock, since she was convinced for some reason it was the only movie to exist, and she stared at it, like how he did at Peanuts holiday specials as a kid and sometimes still as an adult, her eyes still red from the crying. She seemed so innocent when she was like this. She was so fragile, and naive, so much like the kid she was. He knew deep down she knew a lot, she dealt with a lot, and she did a lot, but, a lot like Dook, she was still a kid. She was still learning many things, and maturing in the sense of how she dealt with things.
   "Are you feeling a little better?" He asked her, when she finished her drink.
   "I guess. A little bit. I don't know." She pulled the blanket tighter around herself.
   "Ah, got it." He leaned back.
   "I'm starting to see why my aunts are so protective of me now…." She sighed, hunching over and bundling her legs up into her blanket as if she were cocooning herself. "It really is dangerous up here. Fish are assholes, but…. Werewolves are worse."
   He gave her a pat on the shoulder.
   They continued to watch camp rock in an odd silence. Mitzi's eyes began to droop, growing increasingly tired. Curled up into a little ball, she fell sideways, asleep. Beach smiled, and continued to watch the movie in the quiet, letting her rest. There was nothing like the feeling of sleeping off an unwanted cry. Those kinds of cries always induced headaches and fatigue, dehydration, feelings of hopelessness…. Basically, crying when distressed like how Mitzi was resulted in medication side effects. It was the mind's confusing way of releasing confusingly painful and stressful emotions. She deserved her rest.
   An hour after the move ended, she woke back up, looking disoriented and confused. "Where am i?" She asked.
   "My house."
   "Oh. That's right."
   Beach smiled. "Let's getcha home." he got up, pulling her off the couch, the blanket falling to her knees. She tripped her way out of it, still sleepy, and sulking from her bad mood. She was quiet in the car, just as she was when he first drove her to the sea that first tonight they met. It suddenly hit him how long it has been since he met her.
   He dropped her off, she waved goodbye, and ran off to the Beach and into the ocean, to be seen again whenever.
   He got out of his car himself and climbed up to the roof, taking in the night. He was going to miss this when the nightmares parked their way into his mind for the next 6 months. The loud crickets and frogs, looking at the stars, the feeling of, even in complete darkness, safety, and security. Without the feeling something was lurking behind him. Although, this time, there was something lurking behind him. He was jolted by a thunk on his car from behind him. And there was Rolfe, a sly, knowing smile on his face. Beach felt his heartbeat gain traction, his guard flipping up as he tried to keep a brace face while looking back at him.
   "Interesting to find you out here. Visiting her again?" He asked. The tone of his voice was unpleasant.
   "Just got her home. Seems just in time too." He swallowed, suspicious, nervous, and anything else he could possibly be in this moment. 
   "Did she like my surprise?"
   "Wh---it was you, of course it was you!" He seethed. "She nearly had a panic attack from what you've done!"
   He let out a pleasant laugh. "Glad to know. She's getting too cocky herself. Had to do what I did with you and send her a warning. I've seen her stalking Dook. She brought along a friend the most recent time, the friend being the one i…. Seasoned."
   Beach almost threw up in his mouth from how terrible that threatening villain pun was. Then he wondered why Mitzi kept that detail from him. It explained her guilt a little more in depth, too. 
   "Right when I thought Dook was an airhead he decided to move to a place populated with sea monsters, knowing they'd become obstacles. I should've known better than to think a vampire, any vampire, wasn't cunning in some way." He monologues, mostly just to hear himself talk. Beach still listened, though, as he was afraid to run, this was his car, and he liked hearing Dook get complimented.
   "He's pretty street smart. Thought you'd know that pretty well after all these years of following him." He snarked back.
   "Watch it."
   "Or what?"
   "Do you want me to kill someone else near and dear to your heart?! You don't know what'll happen to me if I don't get Dook back in this next month! Its terrible!"
   "In other words, wonderful to everyone else. What happens?" He asked.
   "The mafia unit in this state starts hunting me down, too. I could get killed!" He said. "I've gotten every vampire I've ever hunted to break, and give in, but since the beginning, no wolf has been able to get under his skin! Not even the house of pain could get under his skin! And there are ways of torture there that involve literally doing that. The fact they don't give me backup for this guy makes me angry!"
   "Every thought about why you can never get him to comply?"
   "What?" He crossed his arms. 
   This was a surreal, diplomatic moment. Rolfe was showing some form of vulnerability, so he had to use that to at least in some way protect Dook, Mitzi, and whomever else. 
   "Well, for starters, he never wanted to be a vampire in the first place. And you caught him at the point of his life he was looking forward to. He was just starting to figure things out, he was going to get his life together. But right before he could even try, he was forced into all of this. Ever thought about what that's like, you're finally rising from the ashes, only to be taken and thrown into another fire? He must've been very optimistic, because of the fact it gave him such an urge to fight for so many years. He wants his old life back, and since he can't get it, the least he wants is to be left alone." He explained.
   "Hmm…" Rolfe put a finger to his mouth, thinking. He didn't seem like the type to show remorse, but he was hoping for him to at least think. "It would explain why he's so relentless. Ever since the day the Boss wolf introduced him to the rest of the mafia, he struggled in his arms. You know how he escaped the house during his visit? He was buried alive in a box. He used the spikes on one of his bracelets, chiselled and broke his way out of the box, unburied himself, and made a run for it. I've never seen someone fight so hard to get away."
   "Then why don't you let him get away? Tell the mafia he stepped into the sun, or he ate some garlic?" Beach questioned. "Why try, if he'll never break?"
   "I have to at least try. The Boss Wolf is my father. He taught me how to capture even the most unrestful of vampires. He assigned me Dook because he believes in me. And if I fail, he wont go easy on me just because I'm his son. I'll end up as dead as the other wolves before me. I have to. This is my duty. I don't care if it takes until in 90, I'm going to get Dook back there somehow." Rolfe explained. "You really care about him this much you're trying to reason with the enemy?"
   "Yeah, I do…." He really hoped Rolfe didn't know they were, in some way, an item.
   He panicked to himself, a knowing grin on his face. "He's gonna break your heart, kid. I've seen this one too many times. He likes to fly in and out of relationships. He moves from town to town, falling in love and then having to leave them behind. From what my father learned about him, hes lovesick, but clumsy. You two will probably last as long as his last one."
A   Beach shrugged not knowing how to respond with his words. Rolfe could sense his thinking, which only made his smile grow.
   "Ha, don't even try to argue. You know it deep inside. Dook is only a small blip in your life as it will be in his, just like the other times. You'll remember him more as this seems to be your first big fling, but to Dook, it's just another name on a list. You're expecting a lot from a hussy, Beach. Get that through your brain. I thought you were smart." He sneered.
   Beach looked at him intensely. He knew that wasn't the case for them, but it still damaged him to think that…. Maybe it was. If he didn't become a vampire, he was just going to be left behind as Dook moved away to get away from Rolfe again, and probably find somebody new. He was always telling himself he didnt care if it didn't work out in the long run, but it was like deep down inside, that was exactly what he wanted. He wanted it to be long term. He wanted him to stay here with him. He wanted to wake up next to him, run through the rain with him, hold his hands in a dark theater with him forever. But could that really happen? Was he too blinded by his own love to see that maybe this relationship didn't mean as much to him? 
   "Don't say I told ya so if you dont last for another couple months. It's best you just let Dook and I do our cat and mouse until he leaves again, leaving you stranded." He turned around and began to walk away.
   "For someone who's been following him around for years, I'm assuming, you sure don't know that much about him."
   Rolfe stopped and turned around, rolling his eyes, yet still intrigued by what he had to say. 
  "He has a past. He's done things he isn't proud of. But she's much more complex than you think." He hoped off of the top of the car. "You're idea of him is very…. Flat. Static. Two-dimensional. People change and learn. And although he's been stuck in the same mindset, I'm sure he's learned how to take things slower than he had in the past."
   "Really? If you're taking it slow…. How many times have you slept together?"
   Beach scoffed, and gave him a face of disgust. "That's a personal question."
   "A couple times then, I'm guessing---"
   "That is a personal question." He repeated his voice suddenly intense. "I don't get what the obsession is with that, so can you please shut the hell up about it!?"
   Rolfe looked at him in shock. He didn't know he had it in him to raise his voice like that. "Very well then. Have your mindless fun. Act like he won't leave you in the dust. Move as fast as you like. But you've been warned. You have your Hopes too high."
   He turned around again, and walked off, that stupid smile still on his face. 
   Beach cursed under his breath, unlocked his car, climbed in and drove home, feeling invaded, dumb, and cranky. His three least favorite things to feel.
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somerpmemes · 4 years
Text
The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina S1 Starters
Change as needed
“I didn’t know you were a fan of horror movies.”
“I’m a little scared.”
“I am continuously missing everything.”
“Stubborn mutt.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to kill him? Because we could do that.”
“Well, we’ll only mildly traumatize him, then.”
“It’s an apple, ___, you bite it.”
“You know what they call this place, don’t you?”
“You know, you have nothing to be afraid of.”
“That’s not what you said before.”
“___, don’t you dare.”
“Run, run, run!”
“Please, show me mercy.”
“Would you like a little tomato?”
“You okay? You’re like a million miles away.”
“Guilty until proven innocent.”
“I’d offer you a seat but that would encourage you to stay.”
“I have to ask you a favor and it’s gonna sound crazy, but it’s important.”
“You’re not the only one with secrets, ___.”
“A half-victory is no victory at all.”
“Aren’t you even a little excited?”
“Why do you have to be such a bitch all the time, ___?”
“I’m obviously coming with you.”
“Don’t show them you’re scared or they’ll kill you on the spot.”
“It’s a pretty sound, isn’t it? Like waves on a beach.”
“Keep talking, ___, just… keep talking.”
“If you’re not careful, it can mess with your head.”
“I don’t need you to tell me my business.”
“You think anyone here will help you?”
“There’s nothing out here that can hurt me anymore.”
“I’ll choke you to death on your own blood.”
“Thank you for stating the obvious, ___.”
“How much do you love ___?”
“I’ll be listening for your cries.”
“It’s always sadder when they’re handsome, isn’t it?”
“I’m looking for someone… not you.”
“You know what they say; you can’t polish a turd.”
“You never want me to be happy, do you?”
“I can’t do this on my own, I need help!”
“What is a nightmare but a dream gone bad?”
“You’d never hurt me, would you?”
“From now on, stay away from me.”
“Is demonic possession even a thing?”
“Damn if you’re not getting a bit cocky.”
“I don’t wanna say “I told you so”, but…”
“What made you change your mind?”
“Take comfort in the fact that you served a greater purpose.”
“Just promise me you’ll be careful.”
“Our obligation is not to question it is to obey and participate.”
“It’s time we got to know ourselves, and each other, better.”
“When will it be my turn.”
“How sad for you. Not to have faith in anything.”
“Oh, you had me at boys to torment.”
“Let’s not be catty bitches, hmm?”
“Once a hunter, always a hunter.”
“You’re not like them. Not even close.”
“What’s happening? What’s wrong with me?”
“Stop this. Please, stop this.”
“Sometimes, the old ways are best.”
“Blood demands blood.”
“Oh my gosh, you’re really bleeding.”
“Will you stay with me?”
“I don’t like making this decision any more than you like hearing it.”
“I’m the reason he’s dead.”
“You think it’s okay to embarrass me like that?”
“An eye for an eye, a life for a life.”
“I, too, know fear and suffering.”
“Shut up and dig.”
“There is no cheating fate.”
“I feel positively reborn in fire.”
“There is something to be said about having a single partner.”
“ Unless the doctor is a witch doctor I’d get a second opinion.”
“You’re a terrible liar, has anyone ever told you that?”
“Did you feel it too?”
“There’s something to be said for keeping them busy.”
“You did the one thing I told you not to do.”
“There’s no fixing it, ___. You’ve opened Pandora’s box.”
“Give me a chance to make things right. I will not fail you again.”
“All you did was make things worse.”
“He belongs in the ground and that’s where he’s going.”
“Everything has a price.”
“We’ve all done… unspeakable things to help the ones we love.”
“The times were all there, if you knew where to look.“
“I don’t want to stop feeling. I want to stop hurting.”
“Bad news travels fast.”
“I appreciate the offer but I’ll protect myself”
“Please, don’t fight me on this, ___.”
“The time for defense, it’s over. It’s time to go on the offensive.”
“___. I’ve done something rather… impulsive.”
“And that, as they say, is that.”
“The best and worst things happen in the shadows.”
“Every girl wants to talk to their mom after a bad breakup.”
“Say the word. Give my life meaning.”
“Do you feel that? Like static electricity building in the air.”
“One question at a time, ___.”
“Sometimes I don’t think you understand the meaning of family at all.”
“Do you have any gin?”
“Are you alone in the world, child?”
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icharchivist · 3 years
Text
I loved watching the anime. It’s honestly pretty good for what it is. The animation is a bit wonky at time, but the characters are always so likeable and sweet and it warms my heart everytime they are on screen.
I also really love everything they’ve added. Every single scenes they added that weren’t in the game felt really in character and it meant spending more time with the characters i know and love, and this is very precious to me.
I also love how they incorporated the rookies in the story. To see all four of them was very cute and organic, even if Guy seemed a bit more tacked on, but i do like that Citron is thinking about him this foundly while he’s with his family. So even if it’s clumsy i love it, after all Guy isn’t supposed to be in Japan before another 5 months. 
I have a harder time with everything they *removed* from the game.
I’m rereading currently but i’m still at Spring chapter, nothing too big jumped at me so far, but it gets. Very weird especially regarding Autumn and Winter, both as seasons and as characters (see, Sakyo in the summer episodes).
It was a hard task because those chapters are especially stuffed, Autumn and Winter is when the plot becomes heavier in general, and they have a lot, lot of contents, even more so contents i understand are tricky to adapt (the Portraits for instances).
But it stings how much was actually removed. 
And it doesn’t help that for Winter it’s on my favorite characters too so i’m really feeling even sadder than i ought to be. 
they may be trying to get away with how much they cut by adapting the events. That’s all i can see. Knowing they had to do cuts and that the events are ways shorter so they may want to fill them in.
Characters i felt had really their plotlines cutdown were parts of are especially Omi, Sakyo, Azuma and Hisoka. 
Omi, tho, i felt like what was cut was all the built up to his past before his portrait: the fact he’s recognized as a gang member and all before he mentions it.  But i suppose if they adapt The Stranger they can expend plently on this. to a lesser extend i do feel like Taichi got a few cuts and he does have focus in The Stranger but.... idk if that would salvage his cuts... Since what was cut was like, him sabotaging the play by hiding the guns.  But yeah if they adapt The Stranger they can try and make up for it.
For Sakyo, i do feel like they mostly cut buildup stuff for him, his hesitation and stuff like that, and while i dislike the fact it’s not early on, i can see those stuff being discussed and tackled in Genji The Wanderer. 
For Azuma, well, obviously, Nocturnality. He is supposed to relapse there, fall back into his bad habit and opening up to his troupe about his trauma. Since what they cut was his original relapse and him opening up to Izumi about his trauma, they may not want to do a “redux” of it, but it’s... imo kinda missing the point that it’s something Azuma does a lot... that he *relapses*. He even relapses in the latest Winter Chapter. This is like. A character plot point because he relapses once in the first winter chap, then another time in Nocturnality, then another time in the second winter chap, and you can see specifically from watching Tasuku how each relapse are treated differently in a way to help Azuma heal without magically healing him from relapsing.  I do feel like we lose a lot about the fact Azuma mostly does relapse because his pain has been here for ever, while if they just talk about it with Nocturnality, it may seem like a “one time” thing.  But. It has an opening to excuse what was removed at least, even if i don’t like the way it paces Azuma’s arc.
For Hisoka what the fuck are they going to do.  Are they going to move his August’s dreams and April’s letter to the begining of My Master’s Mesmerized by Mystery? They can’t just skip over it, the looming threat of April is one of the thing that makes the Winter events so chilling and the payoff in Act 2 so good.  They can’t have Izumi not know about either, since this is a major plot point she has to know.  The fact no one comment on the “maybe Hisoka recovered his memories” bothers me because no!! he’s not supposed to at this point....  It hurts tho from the point of view of how, this incident originally is one of the reasons Hisoka feel at home with his troupe and i find it odd to move it after Hisoka says “this is where i belong”, but i’d rather it to be moved than deleted please this is my favorite arc.....
And there’s also Yukio’s phonecall that is omitted which is a shame bc i’m pretty sure this is built up for Act 3? 
But all of that is under the assumption they would adapt the events at all, which we can’t be sure about....
The anime had limited time and it feels like it, and it feels that it was a labor of love, so it’s not like i can be totally mad either. The stuff that are great are very great, the arcs that are well done are very much well done,
but it does feel like they missed time and had to make a lot of cuts and in the end it’s forshadowing and build up that was sacrified... and on  one hand i get it because it’s ultimately what can be removed while still keeping the plot coherent, but as someone who’s a sucker for those it makes me sad :(
Anyway i’ll keep rereading the VN for now.
That said the anime is a good “introduction” to the VN if you guys wanna try out - but i’d truly recommand reading the VN at least after for the full experience because man..... 
It was still nice to see a few things in motions and it’s a good bonus to watch after reading the VN.
I complain a lot DLKFJDFLKDF but. My favs arcs :(.
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houkagokappa · 3 years
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Tonight’s mood
I’m not a Halloween person so I didn’t mind not having any plans for this year, or rather I was super excited to spend the entire day playing computer games. At some point it dawned on me that it’s a bit sad to be playing a multiplayer game alone (they have “Together” in the title), but it’s fine, I prefer to do things my way. Then I went to the grocery store and saw a bunch of people dressed up and I started to feel a bit sadder about my own situation. The final nail in the coffin was when I checked instagram and saw several friends dress up and hang out with their other friends.
Even though I don’t care for the holiday, I’ve always had a lot of options and invites this time of year. I’ve had student parties, friends throw parties, and two birthday parties to chose from and try to schedule in. I’ve not received a single invite this year, and while it makes sense and I don’t take offense to that (I don’t really wanna meet groups of people) it’s a really lonely feeling.
In addition to the loneliness and sense of insecurity this has given me, I’ve been feeling extra anxious these past two days. I’ve tried to distract myself from it and lessen it by talking to friends, but it’s not the same when it’s over messages or a voice chat. I really miss being able to hang out normally and to be able to go out and do things. I’ve met up with some friends during this pandemic, but it’s not the same when it’s just here and there, and we make sure not to touch each other at all.
Ironically I will be meeting up with my parents tomorrow since my dad has to bring over some things from my grandma’s, but I’m not exactly looking forward to it. I’ll be forced to think about my grandmother passing away, I’ll be forced to face my dad’s grief and stress, and I’ll be forced to downplay my own everyday struggles, lack of direction in life and general will to live. I’ve been desperate for support from my parents, but they’re not giving me what I need. My mom’s good at consoling me when I’m visibly upset and my dad’s good with more practical stuff, but neither is giving me the emotional support and encouragement that I need. I feel extra hurt by it since I’ve grown up with them being super involved and visibly worried over my sister for over a decade, but when it comes to me it’s just “we’ll keep our fingers crossed for you” and “please try to get things together”. How can’t they see that things aren’t so simple for me and that I need a lot more help?
A year ago I made a firm decision not to deal with school stuff, work stuff or other official stuff on the weekend, so I’m not getting into that, but let’s just say that I’m getting increasingly annoyed at how nothing seems to be working out for me and how I’m struggling with absolutely everything.
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry when I think about how I contacted a crisis worker to help me sort through my thoughts and feelings over some drama and personal relationships, but by the very next session I’d had an awful week and it made more sense to focus on my studies instead since I’ll never feel better until I’m done with them for good. Then, instead of advancing with that during the following week, I took to contacting psychotherapists instead of guidance counselors, since it felt like a more pressing matter.
It really sucks how everything’s connected, because it’s so hard to work on and feel good about A when B is always looming there in the background preventing me from feeling good, or even worse, making a slight negative thing (feeling lonely) into a bigger one (being reminded of traumatic things related to loneliness and having my brain tell me what I hope to be lies in relation to my friendships).
I also do far too much thinking on all of this and keep running around in circles with it. Having a low self-esteem and struggling with loneliness is one of the biggest problems in my life, but I can’t properly talk about it because I have a lot of lovely friends and I don’t mean to insult them or our friendships and it feels like I’m doing so when I complain that I don’t have anyone to rely on in my life. On the other hand it also sounds silly and unreal when I say that I’m really lonely although I have a lot of friends. As always the problem lies with me and how I can’t open up to them or depend on them, because of my personality and my past.
This was supposed to be a fun day of gaming, but instead I’m crying myself to sleep again. Or I was about to, typing this has taken so long the tears have dried up. Happy Halloween!
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