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juliagirlfail · 5 months

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Admitting it and being open about it is the first step to recovery right?

Ok, here I go

(break for long vent you dont want to see, this is mostly just for me.)

I am depressed. I have struggled with major depressive disorder and suicidal ideation most of my life. It is crippling. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about dying or preferably just ceasing to exist entirely. I struggle to find motivation to do anything outside of my bed, only waking up when my parents drag me out of my room. I have tried medications and it did not affect me. I ghosted my therapist half a year ago, I can't go back. The combination of depression and anxiety leads to feeling stressed out and not getting anything done, leading me to feel bad about not getting anything done and sleeping all day. I struggle to get into bed early because "I'm going to feel like shit either way." I have near-crippling gender dysphoria and body image issues. I have an eating disorder. I have PTSD. Any reminder of the people who have abused me sends me into a state of panic where I freeze and become incapable of action. When I see her I get hot flashes and throw up. Everything after this I've never directly said to anyone, anyone: I am a victim of sexual abuse. We were together from October 21st, 2021 to January 2nd, 2023. With the later year being loveless and abusive. I was treated like, and called, a sex toy for nearly a year of my life by a girl who convinced me I needed her and that only she would ever love me, that she was the only person I could ever trust. She cut me off from my friends, I wasn't allowed to hang out with anyone when she wasn't around. She yelled at me when I talked about my interests or tried to express my discomfort. She told me that my body was her favorite thing in the world, and discouraged me from being trans. She said that I wouldn't be allowed to be called mom, or present feminine even when I grew up. She said she owned me, and that my only purpose was to serve her. She reminded me that I was a tool for her and that she would "throw you away when I'm done." She insisted on coming over to my house every day after school and got majorly upset when she couldn't. She claimed she hated going to my house, couldn't stand my parents, and repeatedly shamed me for living in a poor part of town, and not having as much money as her. On days we didn't have school she would break into my house and wake me up with sexual assault. I had told her I didn't want to have sex many times, but she refused to stop or apologize. She force-fed me edibles and took advantage of me. When I asked her to come over less because I wanted more space, when I asked her to participate in my hobbies, when I tried to set boundaries, she would cut herself and say she would kill herself if I left her. She constantly undermined my gender identity, constantly expressed her love for my masculine parts, and refused to address me with feminine terms. She would often cancel dates just before or ghost me while I waited for her. I took her to see my favorite band with me for my birthday and she cried the whole time because I wasn't giving her enough attention. I try to forget her, but I see her every day surrounded by all her friends who worked together to make my life hell for over a year. Everything makes me think about her because even though she abused me for the last year of our relationship I never stopped loving her. She trained me well. I have her name carved into me, both figuratively and literally. After she dumped me she made all my friends hate me by telling them the things she did to me, I did. She did almost everything she could to make me suffer so that she could be the only thing capable of making me happy. I am broken fundamentally and I have no one to turn to, having only 3 friends, none of whom know me well, or about my history. I fight every day to survive surrounded by people who hate my guts because of her. She ruined my social and high-school life.

I hate you, Mina.

#tw: depression #tw sex assault #tw sucidal ideation

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touyasdoll · 3 years

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hello beloved it is dom tamaki supremacist brainstorming shinsou ideas,,, some bullet points for this one bc it’s midnight

having to give your hero costume a turtleneck because shinsou is incapable of not leaving marks…and you don’t really want him to stop

shinsou buying y/n a purple collar with black and silver detailing,,,he’d have it custom made and the inside would be so soft,,, it looks more like a dog collar than a cat collar purely for aesthetic purposes, and he has different tags he clips on depending on your behavior. he even has a short, medium, and a long leash depending on his mood. sometimes he and y/n will be chilling in the living room and they’re just walking around with the collar and the long leash, complete with the tag that says ��hitoshi’s perfect kitten” just because it makes them feel confident. sometimes when they walk by, shinsou will just pull on the leash to signal he wants a kiss. i was gonna write daddy’s perfect kitten, but i couldn’t remember if you were cool with that, and because it was fully self indulgent for me, i took it out, but i’m telling you abt it anyways,,, sorry in advance.

his favorite hobby unrelated to hero work is knitting hats and sweaters for cats. this isn’t thirsty but it needed to be said.

as much as i think the concept of him using his quirk in bed is fun, i feel like it’s a hard no for him, especially because he was bullied because of his quirk. he takes his role in bed very seriously because you’re the most important thing in the world to him, and he’s scared of you being under his quirk and unable to use a safe word and potentially ruining the trust between you two, or worse, damaging your relationship.

thats all i got for you chief im gonna sleep peace out 😴✌️

& you've done it again 😩😩 I'm so fucking weak rn, you've slain me. Words cannot express the noise that left my mouth reading about the collar bit like ahashalkshfjsadf

Daddy is my absolute fav, so you're 100% good there. It's a kink in so many of my fics, bc I am entirely self-indulgent 😂 & the thought of being Daddy's Perfect Kitten for Shinsou?? Ahhh, I'm about to implodeee. & the knitting?? are you trying to have me in tears, bc congrats, you've done it 😭💕

& about his quirk, I personally love the idea of him using it in the bedroom, but I can see him not wanting to, for the reasons you specified.

However, one of my fav headcanons about Hitoshi in the bedroom is that he's just the dom of all doms. He can be soft or hard, depending on his mood and your attitude, but whatever the vibe is, he just does it so fucking well.

So well that he doesn't need his quirk to get you to do things you'd never even considered with anyone else. He doesn't need to brainwash you. He could, but there's no point to it.

Because you're so wrapped around his hypnotic little finger, the one that brings you so much pleasure with such minimal effort, that you're almost too eager to please him.

Being Daddy's Perfect Kitten is all you ever want to be, aside from when you brat him into fucking you senseless, but that's a different conversation.

So you are at his beck and call, obeying every last command that he gives you. So eager to be praised and rewarded by Daddy that you'll entertain any kink that he wants to introduce his pretty, innocent little kitten to.

#anon #shinso #shinsou #thirst #shinsou smut #shinso smut #hitoshi shinsou #shinsou thirst #shinso thirst #bnha smut #mha smut #thirsts

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pythosart · 4 years

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A big ol 2019 end of the year update

I felt somewhat compelled to write my end of the year/decade thoughts, but a warning before you read: This one’s going to be heavy, intensely personal, and long. If you don’t feel up to reading that, it may be best to skip it. I promise I’ll go back to shutting up and posting art afterwards. I’m profoundly incapable of being concise, ever, so apologies for the length of this.

2019 was a nightmare.

Some background: In mid 2016, my mother was diagnosed with a rare form of liver cancer. She was given a few months to live. She was given weeks or months to live multiple times, for almost three years. In that time my mom was in and out of the hospital, but spent all her good days living life to the fullest, starting and finishing dream projects, and keeping all of us going despite her own situation. Even when she was bedridden, hooked up to tubes and bags and god knows what, she found time to prop up her loved ones and pursue her hobbies. She even managed to develop new hobbies and interests while otherwise imprisoned by her physical state, something I struggle to do at the best of times even in my young and relatively healthy form. If there’s anything I can make of this experience, it’s that I hope to grow into even half the woman my mother was.

I ended 2018 with my final quarter at SCAD. I spent the entire quarter terrified my mom was going to die while I was away from home. It was horrific, I barely scraped by my last few classes (bless my professors’ endless patience), and immediately left Savannah for home as soon as the quarter was up. I never had room to celebrate finishing college. Any other year it would be a huge milestone, but I barely even care.

This past May, my mother passed away, after three years of petrifying suspense. It happened in the dead middle of the night, while my best friend was visiting for a con, and it still feels like a bad dream. It’s also one of the only vivid memories I even have of this year.

I wish I had more to say on that, but I genuinely think the drawn out suffering and fracturing of my whole world left me unable to fully unpack everything that’s happened. It’s hard to even think about for long, and at times I even half-forget she’s gone. I think of things I want to show her, or tell her, or cook with her. Just the other day I kept thinking I’d tell her how much I liked endive after she showed me how to make it. I found a historical Italian cooking channel that, every time I see it, I just think of how much she’d love it. I knew she’d love Hot Fuzz but never got to show her. Little, stupid things that shouldn’t matter, but they do. They just do.

My mother and I were close, much closer than I am with my dad. Especially towards the end of her life, we had gotten closer, and I felt like I was only just really getting to know her as an equal. I still want to share my life with her, but that chance is gone.

This holiday season has been especially rough in her absence, because not only was my mom the motivational and creative force behind a lot of holiday activities here, it’s the first everything without her. We had Thanksgiving with friends and a catered dinner, instead of spending several days cooking and polishing family silver and setting the table. I won’t be making handmade tortellini with her for Christmas like we did every year. It’s the little things like that.

We’re a tiny family, with over half of us in Italy and lacking much communication due to the language barrier. Family holidays were always small, but there’s just a huge hole how, much greater than the cold numeric value of “one fewer participant.” My mom was always a driving force and a keystone in our support networks, not to mention the main line of contact with the Italian-speaking side of the family, so now the family feels so much more scattered and isolated than ever.

My girlfriend was close to my mother too, and as she’s been living with me for years now and is practically part of the family, I think she took it just as hard as anyone. Cel saw everything I did, and dealt with many of the same uncertainties and traumatic experiences I did.

A month after I lost my mother, I lost my cat too. Galileo was twelve years old, a spry old man who yelled instead of meowed, and just a wonderful cat. I got him when I was in 7th grade, after begging my parents for years to get me a cat. It was my mom who eventually overrode my dad’s hesitations, and from then on Leo was part of the family. He went through a very sudden decline over the course of a week or two, and we learned it was cancer. Feline lymphoma, I think. I had to make the call to put him to sleep, and it ripped what was left of my heart out.

Not that it needs stating, but fuck cancer.

A few too-short months later, I cut ties with a “friend,” which despite how fucking much it hurt, was really for the best. At a certain point one simply can no longer afford to waste energy on a certain kind of person. Unfortunately I’m a persistently optimistic idiot, and it took me too long to cut my losses before deep damage was done. Done to me, my close friends, and even barely involved acquaintances this “friend” dumped on relentlessly and tried to harass into spying on me. Really, if any part of this is unforgivable, it’s that.

All this was, however, a valuable reminder that it’s no good to have any tolerance for habitually dishonest people, even if they think they’re doing it to look “nice.” Chronic liars will gaslight you whether they know it or not, and trying to navigate that in an already damaged mental state is inadvisable. It was an important lesson in picking one’s battles, albeit one learned too late. I’m still holding out hope I can find it in my heart to forgive this person, if only for my own selfish sake so I can move on. I have a lot of experience living on spite, and I don’t want to make a further habit of it.

Naturally all of the above did little to curb my already inflamed pessimism about the state of my country and the world at large, but I need not expand on that, I imagine.

I suppose it would be unfair of me to leave it all at that and only mention the negative, though admittedly positivity is hard to muster these days. A few bright spots of note:

Graduated from SCAD with my BFA in Sequential Art (technically last year, but I did the ceremonial bit this year)

Tabled at Animazement with Woods. We barely broke even, but it was a great time and I plan on doing it again in the new year.

Spent literally an entire month hanging out with my two best friends, which was amazing and exactly the kind of healing experience I needed around that time of year.

Properly did Halloween for the first time in years. I made a costume I’m proud of and we went out on the town… for like an hour, because it promptly started pouring. But fun nevertheless

Started therapy. As of writing this, I’ve only had an introductory session, but it’s a start. Should have started six months ago, but didn’t for reasons to be addressed...in therapy

Started volunteering at the local natural history museum, where I spent like half my childhood. I’ll be doing data entry in collections, but that’s still cool as hell

Got a start on figuring out what I want to do with my life. It’ll involve going back to school for science within the next five-ish years, but it’s nice to have a goal. More of a goal than I’ve ever had, in fact.

Played some extremely good video games (shout out to The Blackout Club and Control)

Made a shitload of unnecessary yet endlessly fun and good AUs with my friends and my one (1) OC

Got an iPad Pro and started learning Procreate, which has gotten me drawing more

Learned a bit of needle felting

2019 was a year of getting much closer to my two best friends, and I genuinely owe them my life at this point. I don’t know where I’d be without them. Nowhere good, certainly.

Woods and Dross kept me talking to people, kept me creating, told me when I was being unreasonable or needed to cool it, heard me out when I needed it but always kept me honest. They helped me keep some creative juices flowing when otherwise I’d have been at a frustrated loss and might have given up for good. If it seems like I’ve kept up my usual art output at all, and if you’ve enjoyed the Lou content (or not, whoops... apologies to everyone who followed me for monster content) you have both of them to thank.

Even moreso, I owe my girlfriend a great deal for being there for me through all of this while she herself was suffering similarly. She and I have had our ups and downs, and been through a lot in the five-ish years we’ve been together. We aren’t the most outspoken couple, but I think our mutual understanding and pain mitigated a lot of the damage this year has done. I don’t think I could have handled it alone.

Furthermore, I really need to thank a lot of other friends and acquaintances I’m not quite as close with, but still talk to. These people especially were willing to call me on my bullshit when necessary, or just talk to me at all, about anything. Even if these acquaintances didn’t know it at the time, there’s a good chance they were dragging me out of one of my frequent existential despair spirals.

I also, weirdly, owe a lot to helping my hen Julia recover from her dog attack. That was around the time that my mom’s health was in its final decline, when I felt the most helpless and despairing. I think having even some tiny something I could do to help was like, the only feeling of control I had in life for a bit there. Julia’s fine, by the way. Still queen of the yard, top chicken boss bitch, etc. Julia was always a kind of kindred spirit with my mom, in a way. Little but not to be underestimated, gray, big personality and commanding presence… Not to mention, she was one of the first in our flock and was always my mom’s favorite.

It would be too much to say I have high hopes or plans of any kind for the upcoming year, but I do have a list of things I want to try and do. Some of which will involve art, and the posting thereof.

Big if on this one, but I’ve also recently started therapy (only took me half a year to work up to making a phone call after the first failed attempt took all the wind out of my sails) and I have…maybe not high hopes, but hopes, for that doing something to help. I should have started therapy two years ago, but the second best time is now, etc etc.

I have a lot of New Year’s resolutions, beyond the usual “get in shape, drink less coffee, blah blah” that I’ll try and write up a little list of separately. Most of them are art-related, so you all will be there to watch me swing and miss I PROMISED I’D TRY TO BE LESS NEGATIVE. New Year’s resolution #1: Maybe don’t make so many self-deprecating jokes.

Anyway, I don’t know how to end any wall of text, be it an OC worldbuilding screed or something serious like this, so... I guess, love yourself, cherish your friends, know when to put your own needs first and when to put your friends’ needs firster. One of the things my mom taught me in this past year or so is that relationships are what you make of them, and that it’s okay to be selfish sometimes. Be generous, be genuine, don’t be a doormat and don’t lie to people you care about, even if it seems kinder in the moment. Savor the time you have with those close to you, and spend time doing things you love. Cliché, maybe, but cliché can still be true. Happy new year, everyone. I sincerely hope it will treat us all better. 2020 may just be an imaginary change of numbers, but I like to think it really does wipe the slate in a way, and make room for all of us to do what we can to be better. Speaking of which, vote. For the love of all that is good, vote.

A little bullet list of New Year’s resolutions, because it’s nicer to look at

Try to get back in shape (of course) - That 30 days of strength thing was good while it lasted, despite my joints hating me

Learn some new recipes, preferably with fewer carbs, you Italian ass

Keep a physical calendar and stick with it for at least a few months

Learn at least one new skill by the middle of the year, whether it’s art-related or something else

Start writing more. Don’t have to share it, but try. Write down ideas somewhere other than Discord where they’re easy to lose

Either reopen Patreon or figure out how ko-fi works. Even if it’s for no money, just to have structure and goals.

Do Animazement again and try out some new product types

Go to SCAD career fair with a decent portfolio

Get better about spending, by whatever method works

Attend some art classes at the local collectives, doesn’t matter what

Play more video games. I swear I only played like three new things this year

Read more classic literature and nonfiction, at least one book per month. I’ve been really enjoying Agatha Christie’s works and am about to start Guns, Germs, and Steel

Read more comics. Basically just consume more media

Do Halloween again, better this time

See friends in person more

Practice accepting whatever shitty thoughts show up and then letting them go, rather than dwelling on them

#not art #text post #death cw

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thisgirlsays22 · 6 years

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Ereri Creator Interview: Missmichellebelle

Hello friends! Thank you all for your support with this project. If you’d like to complete the interview, you can do so here: https://goo.gl/forms/lUpTjm0NFeYYzXGy1. The form will remain open indefinitely.

The response to this was more than I could have hoped for, so please be patient as I get to your interview! I aim to post 2-3 per week.

You can enjoy past creator interviews here. (Since I post these over time, sometimes projects are complete by the time I post the interview.)

Michelle ( @missmichellebelle ) is a writer who has been in the fandom for three years. On advice to other creators, Michelle writes, “This is advice that I'm trying to give myself, and that is: it's not life or death. it's fandom. write that fic knowing the only person who might read it is you. abandon that project that you don't have the spark to create for anymore. take a hiatus, pick up a new hobby, join a new fandom, and come back if and when you're ready and create again. no one is ever going to say 'oh, what, so you're back now? we don't want you.' fandom always wants you, they always want what you can give. so give, give what you can, give what you want, and never, ever feel obligated to give.”

Read on for more!

Please link us to your content so we can send you some love!

http://archiveofourown.org/users/missmichellebelle/works?fandom_id=721553

How long have you been in the fandom for?

about two and a half years ago? coming up on three

Why did you start shipping Ereri?

I remember having a crisis over it more than I remember the why. once I start shipping a character, I generally am incapable of shipping them with everyone else, and I was like, 'oh boy, this is a big decision, I'll just go... I'll go on ao3 and I'll read some things' and then like 12 hours later I was sobbing over Ereri and... here I am. it fits into one of my otp niches really well, and it's my two favorite characters TOGETHER which is just... the best? ever? so good??? but it's the dynamic a lot, although I have to admit moreso in fanon than canon, but... Eren smiles more. he's generally more emotive. he's the kind of person it's easy to put in a situation where he's the Happy one, the Fun one, the Outgoing one, and then you have Levi who is not traditionally all of these things and I just. I like when you have the idealist and the realist together, and they balance each other out. they ground each other. it's my favorite type of dynamic. it's that yin and yang thing. so it's hard not to love them for clicking so perfectly into that for me.

Thematically speaking, what kind of content do you most enjoy making?

deeeeefinitely fluffy things, although I also love love love AUs of all shapes and sizes.

What is the work you're proudest of and why?

Acute Myocardial Infarction! the fic I never wanted to write! which might be why I love it so much, because I never would have written for it if it wasn't for a fandom event to begin with. but also because I like taking dynamics that would generally be iffy to work in (in this case, doctor/patient) and stretching them out and working through them to a point where you don't want to wrinkle your nose at it.

What inspires you to create?

inspiration, when it comes, comes from nearly everywhere. ingesting other fandom works, getting into new content (i.e. after watching YOI, I wrote ice skating Ereri lol), real life experience, other interests I have at the time, music music music. so much inspires me to create I tend to have more ideas than I ever have the words for.

Is there any work you'd like to share that inspires you?

probably anything Ryssa (molotovhappyhour on ao3, jedierenjaeger on tumblr) writes??? the way she grasps language is so different than the way I do it, and it just... floors me. every single time. but her fae!Eren fic sticks with me especially http://archiveofourown.org/works/7363567

What projects are you currently working on?

I feel like I'm always working on a hundred projects at once, and I know a good portion of them will probably never leave my desktop. for sure I can say I am actively working on Piano Verse again, which I'm very excited about. it was my first foray into Ereri, and coming back to it is like coming home. in that same vein, I am working on updating and finishing my Pokemon AU, and on finally finishing the sequel to my doctor!Levi fic AMI. as for new things, it's looking like a lot of AU oneshots. I have a mer!Eren fic I'm working on, a Sleeping-Beauty style fairy tale, more Ereri as teenagers, something really really really sad (which is so out of my wheelhouse that I'm very excited about it), and just... a lot. nothing too big, nothing epic, but a lot of fun, smaller things, which, tbh, I've always been a lot better and more consistent with.

What are your strengths as a writer/artist?

I have been told that my characterization is good, and my dialogue. I would say my strengths are in snippets rather than epics. I excel at doing a 3k drabble than a 30k fic. I'm good at creating an entire world, an entire relationship, in the span of 3k and making it complete without bogging the entire thing down with world-building.

What is an area in your work which you're trying to improve on?

actually writing! lol, no. well, yes. I want to finish things that I start. I have WIPs, I have open-ended verses, I want to go back to them and flesh them out and finish them. and I do want to write and post more frequently. I'd like to get better at writing action, and at writing more horror-esque things, and at writing more than two people at the same time (the struggle is REAL), but I wouldn't say I'm actively working on improving those right now.

What advice do you have for other creators?

this is advice that I'm trying to give myself, and that is: it's not life or death. it's fandom. write that fic knowing the only person who might read it is you. abandon that project that you don't have the spark to create for anymore. take a hiatus, pick up a new hobby, join a new fandom, and come back if and when you're ready and create again. no one is ever going to say 'oh, what, so you're back now? we don't want you.' fandom always wants you, they always want what you can give. so give, give what you can, give what you want, and never, ever feel obligated to give.

Do you have any pets?

no :c

How do you relax?

I watch a shit ton of YouTube and Crunchyroll these days, but I also knit. or go to Disneyland lol

Tell us about your dream day

I wake up naturally and at a decent hour. I have breakfast, I take a walk, I wear something cute. I drink a green tea latte and write for an hour, listening to music. I meet up with my friends and we go to Disneyland and just hang out there, enjoying the atmosphere, taking pictures. We all crash at somebody's house and talk through a movie and fall asleep in a pile.

What music are you into?

lots??? I listen to a lot of Top 40 lol I have the amazing ability of being in nearly any public space and knowing all the words to every song they play. but artist wise I love Ingrid Michaelson, Florence + the Machine, Jason Mraz, Ed Sheeran. I've been really into musical music lately too. but yeah anything with that like kind of indie/alternative pop thing going on, I'm all about.

What are some of your favorite tv shows?

I almost exclusively watch anime these days! lol but going back to those good ol' regularly watching TV days: Friends, Glee, Once Upon a Time, Lost, Parks and Rec, does Stranger Things count???? uh.... yeah.

What are some of your favorite films?

Howl's Moving Castle, Pride and Prejudice (2005), LotR! (especially Return of the King <3), Tangled, pretty much every and all Disney movie ever, Marvel movies, Star Wars movies, stupid 90s teen romcoms, High School Musical and other such DCOMs

What are some of your favorite books?

The Hollow Kingdom by Clare B. Dunkle (this is the book that actually inspired me to start writing!), Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, Beauty by Robin McKinley (and most anything by Robin McKinley tbh, although Sunshine gets a nod), the Captive Prince series by C.S. Pacat, Howl's Moving Castle by Dianna Wyne Jones, Wicked Lovely by Melissa Marr (and probably a lot of others I'm forgetting, so I just named the ones I reread on a yearly basis lol)

#Ereri Creator Interview #ereri #snk #aot #missmichellebelle

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whosnashagain · 2 years

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let's see what's on my mind.

i feel like sometimes there's two identities living within my walls, fighting everyday, over who I am. though, isn't that the same for everyone? aren't we all on the same path of having no clue what we're doing, but figuring it out as we go?

I don't know where I'm going, or where I want to go next. right now, my focus is on little milestones in the future. and sometimes I wonder if that's my laziness, or just me giving myself time.

I love the life I live. I've learned ways to keep myself entertained, and having fun. it's just the question of, how do I progress, instead of just coast. don't get me wrong, this life is a blast. but I always always feel like I should be doing more. I've always been the person to start something, and never follow through with it. it's one of my least favorite qualities about myself.

right now my life gets categorized into little sections. each section has. a to-do list, and a calendar, along with at least 3 forms of communication to go along with it. it's all laid out, organized, tidied up, or in the process of being. because my goals are put on back burners. my goals always consist of too many steps ahead of them. causing me to think I'm incapable of achieving anything. but in all reality, I don't even try.

I can work my ass off. I can work everyday for a company that everyday I like less and less. but as soon as it comes to a "passion" or a "hobby" it's like, those pieces of me don't matter. like they serve no purpose. but, us humans are multi-faceted. we are full of life and culture, and personality, and histories, and so much more even beyond that. why have I, become simply my work.

my life is; work, smoke, sleep, repeat.

and I wish I was kidding.

I've gotten to a point where my only thing, is my job. my entire life is revolved around it. I've let it become me. and for what? so I can get a promotion? a bonus? money. that's what it comes down to.

money makes the world go round. if it weren't for it, I wouldn't be sitting on my back porch, writing this out, listening to getter, and hitting my snail pen. since when did I have to pay to be alive? like honestly, it sounds dramatic, but when did living get so expensive. why do I have to worry about working as much as I do so I can experience some things, sometimes, and maybe not because sometimes I have to worry about paying for food over gas.

listen, I don't even know where my mind just went on this entire last page, but I'm saving this for later. I'm too high to have a solidified thought right now.

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bruinhilda · 6 years

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Happy B7 Anniversary! I’ve written some new nonsense for the occasion!

You can read it on AO3, or under the cut here.

It had been a very uneventful watch shift for Vila. Just the way he liked them. And while he'd normally have taken the opportunity to catch up on his sleep, the quiet was just too useful tonight. He was on a deadline, after all.

He'd nicked the scriber from a mid-level bureaucrat's desk a year or so back. He hadn't even wanted the thing originally, but after taking a whole five minutes breaking into all the drawers in the office to find nothing of value, he was damn well going to take something. It'd taken half that time to guess the thing's passcode. And that had been extremely lucky; the previous owner had not kept it for work notes. Vila thought of himself as completely shameless about these things, but he'd nearly combusted a mere three pages into the first story. A rare talent, the former owner had been. Quite instructive.

Vila was still honing his own skill. He'd tried his hand at a similar style, but he'd found it...stressful. There was always the chance someone would find out what he was up to. He might not live it down if they discovered him writing erotica for this. Correction: he might not live at all.

But he found he could get a little blue without too much risk. Hide it in the middle of a little high adventure, that was the ticket.

He was quite pleased with the Andevean Dancing Assassins, overall. Smart, sexy, and vicious, they had tied up Blake and Jenna, and were preparing a delightful torture while Avon had negotiated his way out of their clutches, and was now...working...his way up the ranks, determined to take over the entire organization with his immense...talents...

A hand landed on his shoulder. A strong, heavy hand that promised torture of a more ordinary nature. Vila's own hands stuttered out a paragraph of pure gibberish at high speed in response.

“We need to talk,” a very dangerous-sounding Avon drawled.

“Oh certainly, anytime, you know me, always up for a friendly chat...”

The hand tightened. Vila winced. “I have just come across a very...interesting computer archive. An illegal one, talking about us. Or rather...the fictional version of us the Federation decided to entertain the mindless masses with.”

“Really? For Liberated!? I should look into that sometime...”

“Oh, I think you've done more than 'look into it,' Arco.”

Vila wilted. “Oh. You know.”

“That the show.lib.story database is moderated, as well as possibly created by, one Arco Selman, writer of two infamous episodes of the fan-favorite vidcast Liberated!? And, apparently, author of many more stories set in the benighted setting of that damned show! Yes, I am aware of it!”

“Hey now, most of those aren't mine! That's probably the galaxy's finest collection of amateur writers posting there. I just...give some of them pointers from time to time.”

“Pointers. About writing Federation propaganda designed to defame us. For free.” The “free” part of that seemed to be outraging Avon more than anything else, Vila noted.

“Well, it's stuff they'd never actually air on the show, would they? We've got some really big fans there, and they want stories where we win instead of lose. And since the Federation won't allow it, they just write it themselves! It's really flattering, when you stop and think about it...”

“And the sub-board? The one devoted to stories of a more...personal...nature?”

Crap crap crap crap crap of course he noticed that...”You don't think I had anything to do with that, do you?”

“That you might also be 'Rill Vestal,' author of the three-hundred part and counting series 'Lonely Rebel Nights?' I must admit, the thought had crossed my mind...”

“That's not me! You don't think I'd use that transparent an alias, do you? That's someone from an outer colony, they transmit in every couple of weeks and add to the archive. Everyone lives for those updates!”

“Do you now?” That hand was going to leave a tremendous bruise, Vila just knew it. “Give me one good reason why I shouldn't have Orac scrub the system and let Dayna hang you from your toes to the underside of the ship?”

“...uh, well...Oh! I've got one!”

“Do tell.”

“'Servalan's Sugar'! You wouldn't want to destroy that, would you?”

Avon looked blank. “What?”

“You missed that one, didn't you? It's a work of art, guaranteed to get the author shot if Madam President ever figures out who it is!”

“Why should I care...?”

Vila was already calling it up on the scriber. He turned and thrust it at Avon's face. “Here! See if you don't agree with me!”

Avon glared, and opened his mouth to cut Vila to pieces. His eyes landed on the scene Vila had pulled up, and his mouth closed. Vila watched nervously as his eyebrows rose, and something approaching respect floated across his face.

“You're right about this getting the author shot. Possibly multiple times, and by all the parties involved in this...work.”

“I know, right?” Vila was grinning ear-to-ear now.

“Travis himself might come back from the dead to do it. And you have no idea who wrote this?”

“Nobody knows who anybody is in there, that's the whole point of a hidden archive! Everyone reroutes their transmissions through multiple systems so the Federation can't track them back if they ever find the archive! Nobody would dare to do this otherwise!”

“You should have known better yourself. There are a number of people on this ship and off it who would be happy to kill you for your part in this.”

“Well, I won't tell them if you won't! Come on, it's harmless enough, and anything that annoys the Federation has to be worthwhile, right?”

Avon smiled again. It was a smile that promised future torment, as soon as he thought of something appropriate to the occasion. “Well, if you feel that strongly about it, Arco.”

“You won't tell?” Vila clenched his hands nervously.

“I'll consider...discretion about the matter. However, I'm taking this.” Avon held up the scriber.

“Aw, have a heart, I'm on deadline, you know!”

“You'll just have to disappoint your fans this time. I should think you were used to doing that already.” With that same grin, Avon turned and left the flight deck.

“Oh ha-ha.” But Vila collapsed in relief. He wasn't going to die from his transgression. Well, at least not right away. If Avon didn't figure out the passcode to his more private writing attempts. Scratch that, he probably had it already. Well, maybe he wouldn't show Dayna and Cally. Avon was fond of blackmail, Vila was sure. He'd prefer to leave the threat hanging over the thief's head indefinitely.

Vila scrabbled for his nearest hidden bottle. He could definitely use a drink or three now...

Dayna watched Avon stalk by from the crack in the door of her lab. When the tech was safely down the corridor, she slipped out and headed for Cally's room.

“We're rumbled,” she said as soon as the door closed behind her. “Avon found the archive, and busted Vila. We're in for it now.”

Cally smiled. “Vila does not know that we know about it, much less what we've done. Therefore, Avon does not know.”

“He'll figure it out. He always does.”

“Perhaps. If he has enough time. We'll have to think of a way of distracting him.”

“I'll leave that to you, shall I? I don't think I quite dare.”

“Oh? You dared quite a lot when you wrote that story.”

“You helped! It's not like I ever met Travis myself, you know.” Dayna sighed. “It seemed like harmless fun when I started.”

“Well, Servalan already wants us dead. She can hardly kill us any more than she's planning to already, can she?”

“I'd really rather not find out. Maybe we shouldn't write a sequel to 'Servalan's Sugar.' Leave well enough alone.”

“It's your story, so it's your decision to make. But I must say, I thought you were much braver than this.”

Dayna grinned shamefacedly. “It's a bit embarrassing, that's all. It might damage my reputation if it got out.”

“No one will ever hear about it from me. I promise you.” If only to protect my own reputation, the Auronar thought guiltily.

Many, many spacials away, Jenna snapped her scriber shut and stashed it under the console as the door slid open. “Oh, Jenna! There you are. I was hoping to get your opinion on this new base location.”

She grinned brightly. “Of course, Blake. I'll be right with you. I was just running some calculations.”

“Ah. Ten minutes?”

“That'll be perfect, I'll be right there.”

The door slid shut again, and Jenna sighed in relief. She really was playing with fire here. Why she'd ever started on this...she pulled out the scriber, and saved her latest efforts. Not that she was incapable of rewriting the whole thing if needed, but it was getting harder and harder to find the time.

Part three-hundred and fifty. That should be a good stopping point. “Lonely Rebel Nights” had gone on long enough. What had she been thinking, even writing one part of it?

Well...Jenna blushed a little. What she'd been thinking had been obvious. But enough was enough. She had real work to do, after all. This was a silly hobby, and it was time to stop.

She hid the scriber carefully, and strolled out, story ideas still chasing around in her head.

#Blake's 7 #fanfic #mine

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dragonbagel · 7 years

Text

Bonded - Part 18

we’re nearing the end! read it on ao3 here.

“Fuck!” Jack shouted as the phone call disconnected.

That little shit had hung up on him, and had even had the audacity to freaking apologize to him as if that would soften the blow. The blow, by the way, was the fact that his boyfriend was in lockdown and he had no way of checking on him. Or taking care of him. Or doing anything other than twiddling his fucking thumbs like an incapable loser.

He couldn’t even take his all-consuming anger out on that piece of shit Robert since it would likely hurt Rhys again; that, and the fact that Tim had locked the alpha up at his own place so that Jack “couldn’t do anything stupid.” The precaution was completely unnecessary, in Jack’s opinion, although what he wouldn’t give to have his hands wrapped around that douchebag’s throat again…

Okay, maybe it wasn’t totally unreasonable. That didn’t mean he had to be happy about it, though. He felt restless as he paced through his penthouse, electing to blame his twitchiness on his frustration rather his guilt, lest he add any more shame to the heaviness in his chest. How was he supposed to know that he was hurting Rhys? It wasn’t like there was some guide book for all of this shit. He was just trying to protect his boyfriend.

If you thought about anyone other than yourself you’d know that.

He couldn’t stop himself from shuddering as Vaughn’s words replayed in his head. No, he chided himself. This isn’t my fault.

But when he thought about the way Rhys had looked at him back in that nightmarish hotel room, the pained, terrified glint in his eyes, he began to think that maybe that tiny voice was wrong.

Jack didn’t hear from Vaughn for another three days. He didn’t know why he expected to, considering the less-than-pleasant terms they’d last spoken on; maybe it was the anxiety clawing through his chest and threatening to chew through him from the inside out.

The text from Vaughn only consisted of four words, yet still managed to send a jolt of hope through the constant, inescapable fog that had been surrounding Jack everywhere he went for the past week.

Heat’s over. He’s fine.

The alpha responded with thanks just moments after, a gesture which, while a bit undermining to his whole “total badass” image, didn’t even faze him in his newfound happiness. He even decided not to shoot the dumbass researcher who showed up in his office moments later with overdue paperwork (a sad attempt to make up for the insane amount of air-lockings that had taken place while Jack had been stuck worrying about Rhys).

He’d tried to convince Tim to go to work in his place multiple times (wasn’t that the entire point of having a body double?) but had been shot down. He was pretty sure Tim was plotting with Vaughn behind his back, considering both of them seemed to hate him at this point. But you know what? Screw them. Rhys was back to himself now, so Vaughn had no reason to play babysitter/bodyguard anymore.

Smirking, he pulled up Rhys’ contact on his phone and hit call. He listened to the phone connection ring for a few moments before Rhys picked up.

“Hello?”

Rhys sounded exhausted, but at least he was talking. At least he’d answered him.

“Rhysie!” Jack said, grinning.

The alpha wished that he could see Rhys’ face, but the video feature of the call was disabled. Jack wasn’t about to push it, though. “How’re ya feelin, cupcake?”

“Like shit,” Rhys replied, coughing.

Jack frowned in concern. “I tried to come see you earlier.”

“Yeah, Vaughn mentioned that.”

“I’m sorry, pumpkin, but muscles wouldn’t let me in and--”

“It’s okay,” Rhys interrupted. “It was probably… better that way.”

The omega seemed to sense Jack’s hurt, because he quickly elaborated. “I could barely think when it was bad. I wouldn’t- well, I don’t know if I would've recognized you, and that could have been, uh, not good.”

Jack nodded, although he couldn’t prevent more guilt from washing over him. “Listen, babe, I’m not exactly great at this shit, but I’m-- I’m sorry, cupcake.”

Rhys was quiet for a moment. “It’s not your fault.”

“Your friend seems to think it is,” Jack said dryly.

“Yeah, well, you know; it’s Vaughn.” Rhys chuckled, but it sounded too hollow for Jack’s comfort.

“Still don’t know how you manage to live with him,” Jack joked, trying to lighten the mood.

“He’s my bro,” Rhys said, and Jack could hear the rustle of fabric as the omega shrugged. “Listen, I’ve gotta go.”

“Already?” Jack asked, realizing how much that made him sound like a desperate teenager.

“I’m tired, Jack,” Rhys said simply.

“Yeah, yeah,” the alpha replied, waving him off in a last-ditch effort to actually act like an adult. “Get some sleep, kiddo.”

Rhys yawned. “Talk to you later, Jack.”

Jack continued to stare at the phone long after the call ended.

Apparently the “later” part of Rhys’ statement had no expiration date, because he hadn’t responded to any of Jack’s calls for three days now. He would’ve been worried that Rhys had somehow airlocked himself had it not been for the constant influx of weapon prototypes gracing Jack’s desk with the omega’s signature on them.

“Is he ignoring me? Is that what’s going on?”

“Jack, I’m not a therapist,” Tim replied, rolling his eyes. “Is this seriously what you called me into your office for?”

“So what if it is?” Jack snapped, his patience all but gone.

“I have work too, in case you didn’t notice,” Tim said dismissively.

“Did you forget who your boss is, cupcake?” Jack asked, eyes narrowed.

“Nope,” Tim said, popping the ‘p’. “But we have a new sniper rifle shipment going out in a few days I need to oversee, and I don’t think I’m being paid to offer relationship advice.”

“Fine, whatever,” Jack said with a scowl. “Just get out of here.”

Tim frowned, feeling a bit guilty for blowing Jack up over something he was clearly stressed out about. “Listen, just give Rhys some space. It’s gonna take him a while to get over what, erm… what happened.”

Jack knew that Tim was right, but those words were the very opposite of what the alpha wanted to hear. He waved Tim out without another glance, returning to his new favorite hobby of glaring at his phone and waiting for Rhys’ name to pop up on the screen.

But the call never came.

Jack didn’t know what he expected to see when he opened the door to his apartment at nearly one in the morning, but it certainly wasn’t this.

Rhys, whom he’d barely spoken to in weeks, was standing before him with a practically maniacal grin on his face. Jack took a startled step back as he realized Rhys’ features were speckled with blood, and his grey suit had sizeable stains of scarlet on it as well.

“Well? Are you gonna let me in, or are you just gonna stand there and stare at me?”

“I, uh, sure,” Jack said, his eyes never leaving Rhys as he moved aside.

“Thanks, handsome,” Rhys said with a wink, pausing to appreciatively smack Jack’s ass before striding into the kitchen.

“Um, Rhysie?” Jack asked tentatively. “What the hell are you doing?”

The omega was looking through Jack’s obscenely large liquor cabinet, his eyes lighting up as he pulled out a bottle of “above-your-pay-grade” champagne and two thin glasses.

“I,” he said, setting the glasses down and popping the cork off the bottle, “am making a toast.”

Some bubbles and froth trailed from the bottle onto the tiled floor, but Rhys ignored them, continuing to look smug as hell as he filled each glass to the brim.

“You know that stuff’s expensive, kitten.”

“Yup,” Rhys said, licking a bit of spilled champagne off of his finger. The movement was mesmerizing, and Jack definitely would’ve been popping a massive boner if he wasn’t so concerned about Rhys’ strange demeanour.

“This one’s for you, handsome,” Rhys said as he handed Jack one of the glasses, which the alpha cautiously took.

“You sure you’re okay, cupcake?” Jack asked, a bit of his overfilled drink sloshing over the side.

“I’m better than okay,” Rhys replied, his smile huge.

Jack was about to question the omega’s sobriety when Rhys raised his glass in order to make his toast. “To me,” he said, his expression smug. “And to Robert, the stupid motherfucker, may he rest in pieces.”

“Christ, Rhysie, what’d you do?”

Rhys didn’t respond, instead clinking his glass against Jack’s before downing his drink in one go. Jack remained frozen in place, his eyes never leaving Rhys’. Only once the omega was finished swallowing did he answer Jack’s question.

“I stabbed him again,” Rhys said, grinning as Jack’s mouth fell open. “But this time, I did it right.”

#rhack #rhack tftbl #rhack fic #Rhys the Company man #Handsome Jack #omegaverse #bonded #trash writing

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anarkhebringer · 5 years

Text

A “FEW” THINGS.

tagged by: @scarredtactician

tagging: I don’t have anyone to tag so I won’t be doing so...

Nickname/s: Summer, Cody, Furude (depends on where I’m being addressed and who is addressing me)

Zodiac Sign: (I go by the natal chart, not the standard single sign most people use) Libra Sun, Aries Moon, Scorpio Mercury, Scorpio Venus, Virgo Mars, Gemini Jupiter, Gemini Saturn, Aquarius Uranus, Aquarius Neptune, Sagittarius Pluto

Height: 5′6

Hogwarts House: Gryffindor (the only reason I know is because I had to take a quiz thing to find out for another thing I was doing yesterday, I’ve never liked Harry Potter so I never knew)

Last thing I googled: "mmd rhinestone effect” (I wanted to finally get the effect to use and I thought the glitter and sparkles it puts on what it’s applied to would fit the picture I was making. It definitely did.)

Favorite musicians: Most VOCALOID/UTAU producers (Kikuo, Babuchan, Utsu-P, Toka Minatsuki, and MARETU are definitely among the top favorites of mine), Angerfist, Excision, Skrillex, Kinzok On (this is more a music producer circle), REDALiCE, Slipknot, System of a Down, Ghost

Song stuck in my head: MANY at the moment, but three at the top of my head are Miku You, Fxxk You by REDALiCE (yes that’s the actual name), No Swimming by Utsu-P, and Baptism ～The Atonement of Rosaly～ by Toka Minatsuki

Following now: 455

Followers: 99

Do I get asks?: Nope. Never. I’m surprised I even get any on my MGS Swap AU blog, one or two in a week or so on average. Unless you count the VERY VERY RARE instances of RP starters and stuff in Cody’s inbox, that’s the ONLY type of asks ANY of my blogs get. I want asks and make it clear I don’t bite wHY are people STILL so afraid to send me any form of asks?? Art requests from the things I made a list for that I’d do, asking questions about OCs or AUs, just general interactions ANYTHING I DON’T MIND IT AND ENCOURAGE IT JUST TALK TO ME WHY ARE EVEN THE BRAVER USERS SO SHY AROUND ME?

Amount of sleep?: Depending on the day, between three and twelve hours. Sleep schedule? What’s that?

Lucky Number: Thirteen

What I’m Wearing: a red FOX Racing shirt with a creamy type color pajama pants that has cupcakes and sprinkles all over them, with red frosting on the cupcakes and a similar colored wrapper to the main color of the pants, and red, yellow, and blue sprinkles. I lack a fashion sense as it is but if I have nothing to do during the day I literally don’t ever change out of comfy pajama clothes.

Dream Job: I don’t actually have one if I’m honest. I swore to make art my career at an extremely young age but I can never work since I’m legally deemed incapable of handling it and don’t have enough motivation in life to really consider it as more than a hobby I love so why bother?

Dream Trip: Japan ( *sarcasm* who’da thunk? Totally unpredictable of me of all people.), Canada (I’ve wanted to live in Canada my entire life and that desire to at least visit it stays strong within me), Sweden, and Germany

Favorite Food: Sweet things (cHoCoLaTe EsPeCiAlLy), lasagna, pizza, sesame chicken, orange chicken, and General Tso’s chicken have to be at the very top.

Instruments: I have EXTREMELY LIMITED violin and piano skills, and never play either one since I don’t have a chance nor big enough desire to. I only do UTAU stuff in terms of anything music related and that isn’t even enough work to count it I don’t think since it’s only covers...

Languages: I’m only fluent in English, but I know a lot of snippets of many languages (I know the most in Japanese because...anime.) but not enough to really piece together sentences. I can sometimes figure out what is being talked about by certain words, but I never know exactly what’s being said. I’m best at doing that with Japanese and French.

Favorite Songs: It’s a depending factor really. Though ones that are excused from that and stay favorites are Pyrokinesis by saiB (it gives me shivers when I listen to certain covers of it and that’s a GOOD thing), Weekender Girl by kz(livetune) and Hachiouji-P, Sacrifice by Toka Minatsuki, and Baptism ～The Atonement of Rosaly～ by Toka Minatsuki (that’s like my theme song, I just feel it deep inside me for some reason, and it gives me shivers like Pyrokinesis does)

Random Fact(s): I'm not gonna get into this one aside from that I’m extremely intimidating and hard to approach to most because of how bluntly honest and serious I am. I’m not just a walking meme and ship supplier in real life, I’m a pretty analytical and logic based person when you get to know me deeper down.I try not to be so apathetic though and I think I might be getting better at it. Also if I don’t write long stuff I feel like I’m not getting my point across.

Aesthetic: I won’t delve into this one either, too dark. If I’m asked privately I will, but not publicly like the original stuff I had typed out before clearing it too. I’ll just put my blog’s aesthetic instead of the one I myself have: memes, ship content and yanderes (to be safe I’m gonna point out I DO NOT condone the more toxic and dangerous stuff of that in real life. Though eternal love and devotion to your significant other is a thing I will always condone since a love that doesn’t waver is always a good thing if it isn’t used for toxic things.)

#random post #I have no filter so here have a bunch of info about me that could very well be used against me because I lack self preservation #also because I'm sick and get like five times more rambly when I don't feel right in any sort of way

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inechoingsilence · 6 years

Text

Silence Does More Stuff

1. What’s your philosophy in life? Whatever works.

2. What’s the one thing you would like to change about yourself? To be more patient.

3. Are you religious or spiritual? Both, they are equally to me.

4. Do you consider yourself an introvert or an extrovert? I am who I need to be when it’s necessary, but I am naturally more introverted.

5. Which parent are you closer to and why? I wasn’t close to either parent.

6. What was the best phase in your life? 19, when I lived a rather artistic, off-beat lifestyle

7. What was the worst phase in your life? From 23-28, I had 7 surgeries, a divorce, a marriage, 2 kids, and a miscarriage.

8. Is what you’re doing now what you always wanted to do growing up? No, I wanted to be an executive chef.

9. What makes you feel accomplished? These days, putting dinner on the table.

10. What’s your favorite book/movie of all time and why did it speak to you so much? I’m not sure?

11. What is a relationship deal breaker for you? Lying. Plain and simple, black and white.

12. Are you more into looks or brains? Brains. Beauty fades.

13. Would you ever take back someone who cheated? Nope.

14. How do you feel about sharing your password with your partner? He knows all my passwords.

15. When do you think a person is ready for marriage? If they are still there when the shit hits the fan.

16. What kind of parent do you think you will be? I’m pretty easy-going but strict when needed, and a bit of a free-spirit.

17. What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner? Oh well?

18. Who is that one person you can talk to about just anything? My rabbi.

19. Do you usually stay friends with your exes? Never. I’ve learned it never works.

20. Have you ever lost someone close to you? My parents, more than a few goo friends.

21. If you are in a bad mood, do you prefer to be left alone or have someone to cheer you up? Left alone, I need time.

22. What’s an ideal weekend for you? No kids, no husband, sleep, coffee, magazines.

23. What do you think of best friends of the opposite sex? It can work, but there needs to be open communication.

24. Do you judge a book by its cover? No. Covers come off and rarely tell the whole story.

25. Are you confrontational? OMFG no way RUN AWAY (unless it’s about my kids then COME AT ME WORLD I’LL STOMP YOU DEAD)

26. When was the last time you broke someone’s heart? when I was in highschool

27. Would you relocate for love? I did. Moved from PA to NY

28. Did you ever write a journal? No.

29. What are you most thankful for? Every single thing I have and ever had.

30. Do you believe in second chances? It depends, but for others, yes. Myself, not really.

31. What’s the one thing that people always misunderstand about you? People find me condescending because I am intelligent and incapable of going through all the steps most people need to get to the same conclusion. I can’t help that my mind goes too fast, even on meds.

32. What is your idea of a perfect vacation? The mountains, near a lake. Or the beach.

33. What did your past relationship teach you? That you shouldn’t ever ignore your intuition.

34. What are your thoughts on online dating or tinder? I’m not sure? I never did that.

35. What’s on your bucket list this year? I don’t have a bucket list.

36. When have you felt your biggest adrenaline rush? Ziplining 100ft over a lake on a perfect July day.

37. What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done and would you do it again? Hanging off the back of a pickup truck and going downhill at 60mph.

38. If a genie granted you 3 wishes right now, what would you wish for? Health, wealth and peace for the entire world.

39. What’s your biggest regret in life? Not finishing college

40. What do you think about when you’re by yourself? Roleplay, my kids, life

41. Does your job make you happy? It brings in some extra money.

42. What did you want to be when you were younger? An actor and an assassin/spy

43. Why did your last relationship end? He didn’t tell me he was gay.

45. What’s been your biggest mistake so far in life and what did you learn from it? Not listening when I was younger and ended up going through a bunch of unneeded nonsense and ending up homeless.

46. Where is your favorite place in the entire world to go? The mountains

47. What are your top five favorite movies? LOTR, all of them, Kingsman both, P&P 2005, and I am sure there are others but I forget.

48. What are some of your favorite songs? Anything from Armen and BB Brunes

49. What qualities do you admire about your parents? My mother had a really difficult pregnancy with me and could have easily aborted, but she stayed on bedrest for 7 months and delivered me then.

50. How would you describe your best friend? My husband? Strange and perfect for me.

51. What’s your favorite hobby to do alone? Watch shows on Hulu

52. What’s something you can’t go a day without doing? Kissing my kids.

53. What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve done lately? Started bingeing Lucifer

54. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done for love? Walked into a store and told my future MIL that I was the perfect match for her son.

55. What’s your biggest pet peeve? Ignorance

56. Why do you think you’re still single? I’m married almost 13 years...

57. What accomplishment are you most proud of? 4 awesome kids.

58. What is one dream you have yet to accomplish? Living totally debt-free

59. What is your greatest fear? Not having enough to take care of my family

60. What are three things you value most about a person? Honestly, open mind, humor

61. Who are five people you are closest with? My husband, rabbi, aunt, uncle, and my online friends

62. What is the greatest struggle you’ve overcome? Too many to single out

63. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? Probably Israel

64. What’s the most exciting thing that’s happened this past year? My eldest son got into the perfect school for him.

65. What’s your favorite beer? Wine. And it would be Riesling.

66. What’s one thing that bothers you most about the world today? So many things.

67. Who are you closer with your mom or your dad? Neither

68. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be? You asked this already

69. If you could change one thing about the world what would it be? Ignorance. There would be no more of that.

70. Who was your favorite teacher and why? Ms. B, 11th grade drama. She loved my creative writing.

71. What sport did you fall in love with? None, but I loved color guard in high school.

72. What is the weirdest thing about you? I dunno?

73. What was your longest relationship? My marriage, almost 13 years and counting

74. What would your best friend say is your best quality? That I never give up

75. Who is your favorite historical figure? Louis XIV

76. What made you choose the college you went to? I never finished, but it was because the chef instructor was the best in the area at the time.

77. If you could tell your former self one thing right now what would it be? Save your money and not everything needs to be designer.

78. What food could you not live without? Coffee

79. Dogs or Cats? Cats

80. What’s closest you’ve ever come to being arrested? Making an illegal U turn right in front of a cop and not paying attention. I told him I had hoped he wouldn’t notice, he laughed, I accepted the ticket.

81. What was your best birthday? My 19th or 20th. I got a full body wax and massage, new dress, a pearl necklace, and rented out the club of my favorite restaurant for me and my friends so we could drink, dance and play pool.

82. What’s one thing you wish you knew how to do? Not sure, let me get back to you?

83. Where’s one place you’d like to go that you haven’t been? Scotland

84. What was the last book you read? And When? Months ago, the Outlander series

85. Where do you usually get your news? FB, the Daily Mail, Hamodia

86. What are some of your own personal goals in the next 5 years? Get my sons bar-mitzvahed, my daughter bat-mitzvahed, and who knows what else?

87. What would you consider your greatest accomplishment so far? Again, you asked this already.

88. If you could get away with anything that you do? Not sure

89. Who is your greatest hero? Any female chef that doesn’t take shit.

90. What’s the greatest risk you’ve ever taken? Marriage

91. Why are we here? To fix whatever we did wrong in previous lifetimes.

92. If heaven is real and you died tomorrow, would you get in? I’d like to think so.

93. Do you believe in fate? I call it divine providence, but yep.

94. How do you think people see you? Kind, caring, don’t-mess-with-me.

95. If you had the ability to erase something that you did in the past, what would it be? Probably several years of my life

96. What song makes you unconditionally happy? Mint Car by the Cure

97. If you could have anybody else’s life, who’s would you take? No

98. What fictional character do you most relate to? Lizzie Bennett

99. If I asked you at age 5 what you wanted to be when you grew up, what would you say? Shirley Temple or Harriet the Spy

100. What is your biggest irrational fear? Bugs. ALL THE BUGS

#bored mun #silence does more things

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