#[/ly] anyway then the song goes on after that for another while. but it’s like. long. so i’ll spare you the rest | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

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#[/ly] anyway then the song goes on after that for another while. but it’s like. long. so i’ll spare you the rest

mrs-kmikaelson · 8 months

Text

Our Song and Dance¹

Pairing: Finnick Odair x reader Summary: You'd grown used to dancing the same dance over and over again, the victor's dance, but then you start dancing with Finnick Odair and you feel things you never thought you'd feel. So you let yourself enjoy the dance, even though you knew that every song inevitably came to an end. Warnings: super-duper-duper long, exploitation of minors, forced prostitution, unrequited love, complicated relationships, violence, death, mental health issues, canadian spelling lol, and i make up some names (lmk if i missed smth) Words: 19.7K

Masterlist | Part 2

a/n: i alr have this finished, but it was way too long to post in one part (as you can see) so i split it up into three parts. this one goes from pre-hunger games to right before the quell. had this idea in my head as soon as i finished thg, so i hope u enjoy!

Y/N Y/L/N, victor of the 67th Hunger Games. You were from district 4, one of the youngest victors that not only your district has ever had, but also all of Panem. Of course, you weren’t the youngest; that title belonged to none other than Finnick Odair.

A man you hated with a passion and, frankly, a man who didn’t like you very much either.

You could still remember the night you met.

Snow was droning on and on, giving a speech about something you couldn’t care less about. It was all lies, anyway, and you were only gonna end up in some rich man’s bed tonight, so you’d prefer to go through that interaction as drunk as you could be. With that thought, you downed the rest of your flute.

“Ah, careful, Princess.” Before you even saw the person, you knew it was him. His voice was so easily recognizable, even though you had never met, not even after living in the same district, then the Victors’ Village, or even at these little Capitol parties.

Finnick.

You turned, a faux smile on your face that he fully reciprocated. “Snow wouldn’t want the Capitol’s pride and joy to be under the influence,” he said, teasing but with an undertone that put you off.

You didn’t give a damn what Snow thought, but you weren’t gonna say that, especially not in his own home. Instead, you gave him the smile you gave the rest of Panem and directed the topic of conversation away from the President. “I won my Games, Finnick. Trust me, I’m not a lightweight.” Oh, but you wish you were. You wish you could get so drunk that you’d forget who you were entirely.

A part of you felt bad: twenty-three other people died while you walked out of the arena, and yet you wanted nothing more than for your life to end. A part of you wondered if the great Finnick Odair ever felt this way, either, but it wouldn’t be good small talk to ask.

Finnick’s grin only widened. “Pleasure to meet you, Y/N.”

Your eyes just so imperceptibly narrowed. “Likewise.”

He started to walk away, but he suddenly paused like he forgot something, leaning closer to you. Your breath got caught in your throat when you felt his on your neck. Your eyes locked, and all of a sudden, you wondered how it was possible that you never noticed how beautiful his eyes were.

“May the odds be ever in your favour, darling,” he whispered, and then he walked away without giving you another glance.

That night, Finnick didn’t leave your mind. It wasn’t until there was a resident of the Capitol lying on top of you that you stopped thinking about him. When you were in that position, you stopped thinking about everything, really.

When you walked out of your hotel room, done with your little job, Finnick was brought back to the forefront of your mind as your eyes met his. He looked like he was in the same state as you, also having been leaving a room. He looked surprised to see you.

You stared at him for a moment, but then you let yourself disappear down the hallway before he could say anything.

You knew what that meant; you knew it wasn’t his own room that he was leaving. When you got to your own room, you realized you were much more alike than you thought. You supposed that you couldn’t be surprised; Finnick was desirable, so of course Snow would put him up for sale.

You were in the exact same boat.

Since that night, you saw him in a different light.

You two didn’t talk when you got back home, no, but at your next Capitol event, you decided that you’d refuse to leave him alone, to leave someone who was going through the same thing as you to their own devices. That’s what you told yourself, but deep down, you just didn’t want to suffer in silence, either.

So you went and found him after a night with another Capitol pig. Standing outside, hands in his pockets, he looked so calm, but you saw a storm brewing in his eyes that only few could ever decipher.

You went and stood next to him, even though it was freezing cold out. He glanced over at you, and then his face became surprised, not surprise at you being there, but at you being there with him. Neither of you said anything; it was either that you were too afraid of a jabberjay overhearing or of yourselves. You just stood there in a comfortable silence.

You’d learn that, with Finnick, sometimes doing nothing could mean everything.

The two of you went on to do this every time you were there until, slowly, you graduated from just silence to holding each other. Oh, Finnick Odair was a cocky asshole, but when you were in the Capitol, he wasn’t him and you weren’t you. You were just two people that needed comfort, and that was enough.

You still didn’t talk, though, and when you were at home, you didn’t communicate at all. That was why you were surprised when you answered your door to see him standing on the other side.

Finnick went back to being Finnick, striding into your home without so much as an invitation. This caused you to roll your eyes, but they suddenly widened at his words. “Caesar Flickerman is on TV, saying that we’re dating.”

If you were drinking something, you would’ve spit it out. “What?” An incredulous look was painted onto your face.

Finnick, on the other hand, was a little more stoic, not exactly the charmer he was on television or in Capitol balls, but you could easily guess why—and if you hadn’t, then he was gonna tell you, anyways. “You know what this means.” He looked you in the eye, jaw clenched. “Two of Snow’s best—the Prince and Princess of Panem—dating? It’s the last thing he wants.”

“Finnick-”

“No, he won’t be able to sell us if we’re together, and if he can’t sell us, then he’ll start killing the people we love.” This was the first time either of you were even acknowledging the situation you were in.

You felt stung for some reason, even though you didn’t love Finnick—and he didn’t love you. But, deep down, no matter how much you tried to repress it, you knew there was something between you, so hearing him speak to you this way, like you were just nothing, hurt.

However, you got over your feelings quickly, the same way you always had. You moved your thoughts away from your heart and started thinking with your head. You were quiet for a second until you let out a soft gasp, like a light bulb went off in your head.

This time, you made eye contact with Finnick effortlessly. “What if this is exactly what we need?” You asked, a glint in your eye that he hadn’t seen before.

The blond scoffed. “I don’t see how our families dying is exactly what we need, Y/N.”

“No- no, Finnick, you already said it.” You grabbed onto his shoulders. “The Capitol- hell, everyone already thinks we’re the Prince and Princess of Panem. If we give them what they want, then- then we’d be unstoppable.” You paused to let him weigh in, but he only stared heavily at you, not a trace of what he was thinking on display, so you continued, “Snow and all of those Capitol motherfuckers will eat this shit up, Finnick. And then we’ll be free.”

You were trying not to show any emotion, either, but you couldn’t help it. At the mere thought of freedom, something you never thought was possible, you felt so many different things at once. While you were holding your feelings on your sleeve, Finnick was less easy to read.

But, in seconds, you knew exactly how he felt.

“We will never be free, Y/N.”

He walked out after that, leaving you alone in your living room. He’d never know it, but you stayed in that same spot for three hours, staring at where he once stood. His words had awakened something in you, the part of yourself that’d been thrown into the Hunger Games at only fifteen-years-old.

At the time, you thought you were going to die. You were hopeless, but after you won, you realized there was hope after all. You could still make it. Even as Snow allowed your body to be violated, your mind to deteriorate, you still had hope. But Finnick’s words brought back that frightened little girl in you that you thought died.

You’d later realize just how lucky you were that he buried her again. He came back and told you that he’d do it, and as easily as he brought that little girl back to life, he drowned her.

It wasn’t easy at first, pretending to be in love. You didn’t know the first thing about it, but Finnick helped you as if he’d been doing it all his life.

“C’mon, Y/N, it’s gonna be fine-”

“No, it’s not gonna be fine. Caesar’s gonna call us out immediately- and if he doesn’t, then Snow will-”

“Y/N.” Finnick cut off your nervous ramblings with a stern calling of your name. Even him saying your name was still weird to you. You weren’t used to so much conversation with the victor, but now you were gonna have to pretend to love him. “We’re gonna be fine.”

You weren’t convinced, and he saw that with the twitching of your fingers. You knew Finnick was a great actor, and normally you were, too, but this situation was unlike any other that you’d ever been in. It was foreign territory for you.

“Look,” he grabbed onto your hand, “whenever you get nervous up there, you just hold my hand, alright? You’re not alone in this, okay? I’m right here.”

If you didn’t know any better, you’d say your heart skipped a beat. If you didn’t know any better, you’d even say you felt a spark when his skin met yours.

For a second, you pretended that you weren’t pretending. You pretended that you were holding hands because you were two kids in love, not because you had to survive. You pretended you were never in The Games, that you never killed so ruthlessly just to live without truly living. You pretended that you weren’t you, and Finnick wasn’t Finnick, and you were holding hands just because, not because you were about to go on TV and lie.

But that second ended far too quickly as you pulled your hand out of his grasp, nodding. “Okay,” you took a deep breath, repeating his words to yourself, “we’re gonna be okay.”

“Of course, we are. Now tell me again how we met.”

When the time came for the actual interview, you never let Finnick’s hand go.

The experience became more familiar to you as you went on. It was the same as any other show you’d put on for the Capitol. When you were younger, you dreamed of being a storyteller.

Now, you told stories of a life of yours that’d never existed.

Finnick and you were thrusted into the public eye, reciting the same stories day after day. It almost felt like it was actually real, and sometimes, you wished it was.

He’d look at you with a look of love in his eyes in front of all of the cameras, touching you tenderly. Oh, he was a wonderful liar. He even made you believe it for a second, too. But you knew that no such thing would ever happen.

Finnick Odair would never fall for a girl like you. Even if you were slowly falling for him.

During nights alone, you’d marvel at the turn of events. Finnick was once a man that you hated, but now look at you. You didn’t even know if you were faking it anymore. But it is fake, you’d remind yourself. He doesn’t love you, and you won’t love him.

You weren’t gonna let yourself love him. Truth be told, you were never gonna let yourself love anybody in the first place. Loving someone only made a new liability, a new weakness for the Capitol to exploit, but you could not love Finnick.

You’d been through a lot; your heart had taken many blows and survived, but you knew loving Finnick would only one day break it into a million little pieces. Still, it’s not like he made it easy.

You were lying in your bed- your shared bed with Finnick. Since announcing that you were dating, you moved in with him. You both decided it’d be easier to hide it all that way, easier for the public to believe, too. Sharing a bed was his idea—“just in case,” he’d said.

You wanted to object, but what would you even tell him? That you were afraid of falling in love with him? You would never even put the mere idea into his head. So you went along with it.

It was funny, though: you never went to bed alone, but that’s still how it felt. Being next to him, under the covers… it didn’t make you as warm as you hoped it would.

He didn’t live with anyone else. From what you gathered, Mags, your shared mentor, was his only family. His parents died of sickness early on; Mags took him in and kept him alive, all the way up until he was sent to The Games. Finnick didn’t get sappy with you often, but you knew that he couldn’t lose her.

What he was doing for Snow, he was doing for Mags. You thought Mags was the only person he cared about, but you learned that this wasn’t true. There was one other person who he was close to, who he’d do anything to keep safe. That person was Annie Cresta.

You met her once. She was beautiful and sweet, so you understood immediately why Finnick was in love with her. He never talked to you about her, but you could tell just from how he looked at her that she was the light of his life, even if she herself wasn’t aware of that.

Annie was good, the perfect girl for Finnick. She didn’t come with all the baggage you had, she wasn’t as rude, and she always knew what to say. You would’ve wanted them together, too, if it weren’t for the fact that Finnick was becoming your Annie. He was becoming your person, and so it killed you to know that not only was he in love with another girl, but he was also unhappy.

He’d never be happy with you. While you wished you could spare him the torment and just let him be with her, you had people you cared about, too, and he was now also on that list. So your job was to keep you all alive, not happy.

The door to your bedroom opened, interrupting your train of thought. You faced away from the entrance, but you knew it was Finnick. He had perfected soundless footsteps, even though you weren’t in an arena anymore. But you supposed you were still fighting for your lives, anyway.

He climbed into bed, letting out a big exhale when his back hit the mattress. You didn’t greet him, nor did he greet you, even though he knew you were awake. You’d gone through this whole song and dance already. You had to pretend in front of the cameras; you weren’t gonna do that in here, too.

The two of you were silent. This wasn’t a silence like before when you stood together in the Capitol after those horrible nights. This was a silence that was suffocating.

Things were never the same after you decided to go through with this charade. Maybe you were almost friends before, but now you were allies at most, just there to help the other survive. Oh, you wished you could be friends, but life was never so kind.

As if he could hear you begging for companionship, he whispered, “Y/N?”

Your breath hitched. “Yes?”

There was a beat of silence before his response. You wondered what his face looked like, but you wouldn’t dare turn around. “Can we- can we just be together tonight?”

Out of all the things he could’ve said, that didn’t even make your list. You sharply inhaled. Finnick didn’t sound like Finnick at all. He sounded small, and vulnerable, and scared, all states that he’d never let you see him in. But he was.

“What do you mean?” You didn’t turn around. “We are together.”

So unlike Finnick, he stammered, “No, I mean- can I- I want to hold you.”

If this were the dance you compared it to in your head, then you’d be stumbling over your own feet. He’d never asked about anything like that before. In fact, Finnick never even seemed to like you or this predicament much. Sure, you interested him, and maybe you were friends, but you knew that if he could’ve pick anyone else to dance this dance with, he would’ve.

You wondered what brought him to this point. Maybe it had something to do with Annie, but at that moment, you couldn’t bother thinking about it. He’d never know it, but you could never say no to him.

So you turned around and let him wrap his arm around you. But little did he know, you obliged not just to comfort him, but also yourself.

You’d fall asleep in Finnick’s arms every night after that.

You’d always been so independent, so alone, that you forgot what it felt like to lean on someone, even if it was just for a little while in the dead of night. But when Finnick held you, sleep came easier and nightmares came less.

He had no idea that he became your knight in shining armour; he never meant to, but he did. Soon after you started “dating,” Snow left you alone. You still attended Capitol parties, still mentored kids every year, but you no longer found yourself in bed with members of Snow’s cabinet, and neither did Finnick.

It was easier once it stopped, but you still had to grapple with the pain of what had already happened to you; all of this didn’t even take into account The Games. Sure, you were done, but you still had to come back once a year and prepare a kid to kill or be killed. Nothing dredged up old memories like that did.

Doing it with him was what got you through it. When you lost a kid, Finnick was there to hold you and reassure you and himself that it wasn’t your fault, that you couldn’t have done much more to stop it. At times like those especially, you had to reel yourself in and remind yourself that, yes, he cared for you, but he wasn’t in love with you.

There were times that every bone in your body told you the exact opposite, that Finnick’s actions told you the exact opposite. Sometimes, he’d kiss you for the cameras and made you fall for it, too.

God, you were a team, such a great team. Would it be so horrible of you to assume you could be more?

You’d later realize that, yes, it was.

Because at the reaping for the 70th Hunger Games, Annie Cresta’s name was called and your little fantasy of a relationship with Finnick was shattered to pieces.

His usually calm demeanour was broken as he ran toward her as soon as you both got on the train, engulfing her in a hug and soothing her while she sobbed. You just watched from the sidelines, a frown on your face. You wished you were frowning because your dear friend Annie was just chosen to be in a fight to the death, but you were frowning because Finnick had never hugged you like that.

There were no cameras here; this wasn’t for show. He never looked at you like that when there weren’t any cameras around.

You felt like you were intruding on a private moment, even though you were just standing there, even though you were supposed to be his girlfriend, not Annie. A girlfriend would’ve probably cleared her throat, interrupted the interaction, but you couldn’t find the courage to do that.

Instead, you waited for the moment to end and walked over to her yourself when Finnick stepped away, giving her a tight hug as if she hadn’t just brought you to the brink of tears. But that didn’t matter. Annie could possibly die, so your little feelings for Finnick were pretty insignificant at the moment.

You tossed those very feelings to the side, directing all your attention to preparing your tribute. Finnick was trying to explain everything, but he was too worried, so you took over for him, pushing forth all your efforts while he focused on the boy that’d been reaped from your district.

You always tried your best with the tributes, always, but this wasn’t just any tribute. This was Annie Cresta, your friend and the love of Finnick’s life. You needed her to make it out of this alive—Finnick wouldn’t survive without her.

You gave her every piece of advice you could think of during that trip, digging through your memory for things you might’ve even forgotten. You wished you could help the boy in the same way, but there could only be one victor in these Games, and it had to be her.

Remember that these are games, Annie. Don’t worry about the killing once you’re in the arena; you need to treat it like a game, like the other tributes are just pieces that need to be knocked off the board, you told her. You hated every word that came out of your mouth, but she needed to hear it. She needed to overcome the shock now so she didn’t get choked up during the actual Games like you did.

When the time finally came for you to send the tributes off into the arena, you hugged yourself, taking deep breaths to try and calm down. You imagined that it was Finnick’s arms that were around you, but you weren’t gonna ask him to comfort you. He was the one that needed comforting, but you knew he wouldn’t accept it, so you didn’t offer.

Instead, you worked your ass off to get Annie sponsors, to get people to like her as if they didn’t already. You didn’t sleep for days, and neither did Finnick until he accidentally fell asleep for a few hours one day.

You both watched as she took the tips you’d given her, using them in her own way. She was small, but she was smart and she picked up on how to play the game quickly.

Only when the last tribute was dead did a sigh of relief finally leave you. Your shoulders slumped as you sat in front of the TV. Finnick’s muttering fell upon deaf ears as static filled your brain. She made it, you thought. She’s okay.

But that didn’t make life any more okay.

After all, nobody ever really won The Games.

“Annie- Annie, it’s alright-”

“No, it’s not!” You heard something break, like it had thrown it to the ground. When you walked further into your house, your guess was proven right. Finnick and Annie stood in your living room, the former worried and the latter frantic, pieces of a broken vase all over the ground.

“Nothing is okay, Finn! Nothing! Do you hear me- nothing is okay!” The redhead was pacing around with your so called boyfriend trying to stop and calm her down. They were both so panicked that neither of them noticed you, and you didn’t announce your presence, either.

You only stood from the side, just like on that Capitol train. The Annie that went into that arena was innocent. She was eighteen, but she was still more of a child than either of you ever got the chance to be. Now that she won, she didn’t look so innocent anymore.

She wore a look that was so familiar to you. She was alive, but Annie had never looked more like a ghost of herself.

“Annie, please-” Finnick’s voice cracked mid-sentence. He kept trying to get close to her, but she moved away every time. The tears in his eyes made yours watery, too. You had never seen him look so broken, not even as you stood in the Capitol together those cold nights after being used.

If you weren’t sure of how much Finnick loved Annie, you were now.

“No, no, nothing is okay!” She screamed, tears streaming down her face. She suddenly stopped, letting out a sob before collapsing onto the ground. Finnick ran to her right away, pulling her close and rocking her as she repeated the same thing over and over.

You hadn’t even noticed you were crying until you felt the tear falling onto your cheek, wiping at it immediately and turning around to walk away as quietly as you possibly could. You weren’t gonna just stand by and do nothing while Annie fell apart and Finnick cut himself trying to put the pieces back together. You couldn’t.

You found yourself in the kitchen, putting a kettle on the stove to distract yourself. Your eyes zeroed in on it as you tried to block out the sound of Annie’s crying, trying not to cry yourself. At one point, you succeeded, because you couldn’t hear anything anymore.

You don’t know how long you stood there, but you were eventually broken out of your trance by a hand reaching out in front of you to turn off the stove, moving the kettle. It was only now that you realized how loudly it was whistling.

You turned to see the hand belonged to Finnick who now poured the hot water into your expensive tea cups. They were a gift given to you by a patron of the Capitol, an old man with kids and a wife. He was somewhat of a regular of yours, and so he gave you that tea set to try and make himself feel better for what he was doing, along with many other gifts.

You never told Finnick any of this. You wondered if he would so readily pull them out if he knew where they came from.

He wordlessly put the tea bags into the cups, sliding one over on the island to where you stood. Then he brought the cup to his lips, taking a sip of the scalding liquid like it was nothing. You ignored your disbelief and the rational part of your brain, picking the cup to do the same thing.

When the tea met your tongue, it burned, even as it went down your throat, but you still went back in for a second sip, anyway. This pain was able to distract you from all the thoughts bouncing around in your head, and so that made it feel like it was worth it. You wondered if this was Finnick’s logic, too.

You didn’t say anything for a long while, didn’t ask about Annie or where she went. You knew he must’ve known that you heard what happened, but he didn’t mention it, either. You assumed that she fell asleep.

You wished you could fall asleep so easily, too.

Your song kept playing as you both danced around the same topics, standing together silently as your world crumbled. You danced, and danced, and danced, until your tea cups were empty, but the song was still playing.

Finnick’s voice cut through the silence of your music effortlessly, even though he was still so quiet.

“Sometimes, I think she would’ve been better off if she died.” You slowly brought your head up to meet his eyes, but they were aimed at the cup in his hand. He looked nothing like the Prince of Panem, the charming man who always had something witty to say. No, he looked beaten down, just as lifeless as Annie. Maybe you looked as lifeless as you felt, too; maybe you were all so unaware of how broken you seemed.

You didn’t know what to say to his confession. So you didn’t say anything at all.

You’d never know where that conversation would’ve went, because in seconds, Finnick collected your cups, put them in the sink, and then he left you standing there.

His words from before echoed through your head. We will never be free, Y/N.

And maybe he was right.

Annie was back home, but she never really came back from that arena—none of you did. Hell, you were thrusted into a life you never wanted, a victor’s life, as soon as you were out. You thanked God that Annie wasn’t gonna have to go through what you did; the way she was spinning out made her undesirable. At least a good thing came out of her losing it.

Oh, you were starting to find a silver-lining with everything. You had to—otherwise, you’d lose it, just like Annie. You had to find some sort of good in this situation because, otherwise, what was the point?

Time supposedly healed all wounds, but you felt like you were still bleeding. You just learned to conceal it better than others.

Before The Games, you had friends. Now you really only talked to Finnick, and you two didn’t talk much, either. Every now and then, you’d see Annie and Mags, but they weren’t your people. And your family… well, how close could you be with them after what happened? You weren’t the same girl your mother raised.

She could barely even look at you anymore.

But you couldn’t think about any of this. If you did, you’d fall apart, and you couldn’t do that. You had a role to play, an image to protect—for your safety, for your family’s safety, for his safety.

You couldn’t afford to break down like that in your living room and throw things. You wanted to, so badly, but you didn’t have that luxury.

So your song kept playing, and you danced along with it.

Finnick’s walls went back up, too. His charisma was like a light bulb that briefly flickered, but it was back now. He was dancing, too. But, without even realizing it, you both held each other tighter at night, as if you were trying not to lose the other to the tornado that was your life.

However, when you woke up, you both pretended the tornado didn’t even exist.

Annie wasn’t one for pretending. Oh, she got wrapped up into the tornado the second she was declared a victor and there was no saving her anymore. Yes, she would’ve been better off dead, maybe you all would’ve been, but if you thought about this for too long, if you let the song stop, then you’d get caught in the cyclone, too.

You pretended for a year, attending Capitol galas with a smile on your face, getting interviewed right next to Finnick with his hand in yours, acting like you were the picture perfect couple. He spoke about you like he knew you like the back of his hand, but truth be told, he didn’t know you at all; he barely ever tried to. You didn’t blame him, though; it was hard to try to talk to someone when the music was so loud.

Then came the 71st Hunger Games, and you were mentors again. Meeting the tributes, it was almost like the music stopped- almost. The girl was quiet but angry, and she reminded you so much of yourself. The boy kept cracking jokes that she didn’t laugh at, jokes that were probably inappropriate for a time like this, but you knew he wasn’t doing it to be an ass. This was his way of coping.

He reminded you of Finnick.

Looking at these kids was like looking into a mirror. On the last day of training, he finally got a reaction out of her, made her smile with a faint blush on her cheeks. Oh, these kids should’ve been laughing together in the diner back home, not on their way to die.

They were too young and too innocent. It makes you wonder if things would’ve been different if you and Finnick had met before The Games. Would that have made soothed the heartbreak?

You didn’t know. But when you saw that boy crying as he held her in that arena, blood pouring onto him from her stab-wound, you knew that heartbreak was what he felt.

Too young. They were too young.

The boy died too. He didn’t even put up a fight.

These kids were just kids, and they died young.

Just like you and Finnick did.

You sat in your room at the Capitol, swirling your scotch around in your glass. It was a crystal glass so beautiful you knew it could’ve only been crafted by hand, but you didn’t want to admire it; you wanted to throw it at the wall.

Their names were Delta and Aalto. Aalto was the more talkative one; he said he dreamed of opening his own bakery one day, right in the middle of the district with food that everyone could afford and enjoy.

He’d never get to do that now.

And Delta- she didn’t know what she wanted out of life yet. She never got the chance to figure it out.

It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair at all.

The door to the room opened, making you look up from the liquor in your hand to see Finnick walking into the room. He looked defeated. Of course, he was better at hiding it than you were, but you knew how to read him better now, after all these years.

The bed dipped as he sat down next to you. You held your glass out, almost like a peace offering, and he took it without much thought, downing it in one go.

You sat there together the same way you had many times before, not saying a word. But this time felt different. It felt like there was something you were supposed to say. So you turned to look at Finnick, trying to see if he felt the same weight, only to see that he was already looking at you.

You could tell just by his eyes that he felt it, too. He opened his mouth, then closed it like he’d lost his train of thought. When you met him, you never thought you’d see the day when Finnick was speechless.

Look at how wrong you were.

You opened your mouth after a few seconds, wanting to articulate your feelings in some way, but Finnick’s lips slammed against yours before you get anything out. Without thinking, you kissed back; it felt like second-nature to you.

This wasn’t the first time you’d kissed, but he had never kissed you like this, so passionately, not a camera in sight. He was kissing you like you were air and he’d been holding his breath for so long, like you were the treasure he’d been searching for and he didn’t want to let go.

It felt like nothing you’d ever experienced.

When you eventually pulled away for air and opened your eyes, you were brought back to the real world. There was something you were supposed to say. But you quickly disregarded it, pulling him back in for another kiss before he could notice the way you were looking at him.

Yes, there was something you were supposed to say. But you couldn’t put it into words.

So you hoped that this kiss said everything that you couldn’t.

You were both grieving, and you were both there. And you knew that Finnick didn’t like you like that, so you weren’t gonna get your hopes up. This meant nothing, even if it felt like everything for you when it was happening.

He was the only person you’d ever done anything like this with before. You did things with those people Snow set you up with, but that didn’t count. You were doing this because you wanted to. You didn’t know if this was his first time or not, but you weren’t gonna ask. You did everything but talk for the rest of the night.

When you woke up, it was still dark out and Finnick was still asleep. You stared at him for a few seconds, his fluffy blond hair that you messed up, his swollen lips. He looked so peaceful like this; you couldn’t bear to wake him up and ruin that, bring him back to this nightmare.

So you got up as quietly as you could, wrapping yourself in a robe and closing the door to the bedroom, walking into the living room. The rooms the Capitol provided the victors were beautiful, but never beautiful enough to make you forget about the ugly reason that you were here.

You sat on the couch, exhaling and leaning back. You were gonna sit there in silence, but your song kept playing, and the record was skipping, and you were starting to get a headache, so you turned on the TV.

Without having to change the channel at all, you were immediately met with the news, Caesar Flickerman’s face on the flat screen. It wasn’t long before you realized why he was so excited: the Hunger Games were over. Someone won.

Caesar’s attitude made your mood go sour. He was behaving like twenty-three children weren’t just killed. It didn’t matter if they died of starvation, dehydration, an animal, or actually another tribute—it was all murder, and the Capitol was the perpetrator. It disgusted you that there were people who found enjoyment in watching these Games, Caesar Flickerman included. They’d pretend to be sympathetic, but at the end of the day, you were all just circus animals to them.

The victor’s face came onto the TV, and you immediately recognized her from the rankings. Johanna Mason. Caesar kept talking, explaining how Johanna had managed to cause so many people to be enamoured of her, and you suddenly felt sick.

Snow was gonna jump at this opportunity. He was gonna use her, too.

You turned off the TV, going back to your room and getting back into bed like you’d never left. Your song came back on, and you went back to preferring to listen to it instead of your own thoughts. You weren’t gonna think about Johanna much longer; there wasn’t any point.

There was nothing you could do.

The next time you woke up and it was actually morning, you were surprised to see that Finnick was still there. While you were sleeping, he managed to snake his arms around you.

You didn’t get up, even though there were Capitol duties to attend to.

You stayed in bed and pretended that you were a normal couple, that maybe Finnick actually felt something for you, that you weren’t in the Capitol right now, that the world wasn’t so fucked up, that you weren’t so fucked up. But you didn’t pretend for long, eventually getting up and facing the world that you didn’t want to be apart of but had been sucked into.

He didn’t tell you this, but he was pretending, too.

You both went to the gatherings you had to go to, talked to the people you had to talk to, kept smiles on your faces, and shook Snow’s hand, even though it made you want to puke. You endured it all—you both did. The Prince and Princess of Panem…

You realized it was true what they said, heavy is the head that wears the crown. This figurative crown was weighing you down; you wondered if it’d be so coveted if people got the chance to feel how you felt.

Then you went back home, even if it didn’t really feel like a home to you. It was still all you had. But Finnick kept surprising you.

Your dance suddenly changed. The song was still playing, but the dance was different, almost like that night you’d spent together had actually meant something.

You started having dinner together every night. Before, you often forgot to eat, but now how could you? You were beginning to look forward to your daily dinners; there wasn’t much more to look forward to in the life you led.

He made it hard for you not to fall even more in love with him.

You two still didn’t talk during dinner, but it almost did feel normal, like you were a family- like you could be a family.

And then the dance changed again, and that dream felt even more real.

You pulled your chair out at your dinner table, sitting down across from Finnick. You were both dressed “down” in more comfortable clothes, but you knew there was some people in the district that still couldn’t afford them. That bothered you, but when you had dinner, most of your worries were pushed to the back of your mind.

When you two had dinner, you just enjoyed the dance.

You were a few minutes into dinner when you noticed that Finnick wasn’t eating but he was staring at you. He hadn’t stared at you like that since when you first met, so curiously, like you were a secret he wanted to be let in on.

You couldn’t ignore his stare, even if you tried. However, you tried to act nonchalant. “Is there something you want to say?” You quizzed, twirling another bite of pasta like you were unaffected by his gaze.

Finnick responded in the same beat, so much like the Finnick that was charismatic and lively, not the quiet one you normally lived with. “Something I want to ask you, actually.”

“Oh,” you said, immediately kicking yourself at how stupid you sounded. “Well, ask away.” He didn’t need to be told twice.

“What’s your favourite colour?”

You were caught off guard by his question, blinking like you were trying to figure out if you just imagined him saying him that or if he really did. He blinked back at you but never faltered.

“What?”

He repeated himself, slower this time. “What is your favourite colour?” You blinked again when you realized he was being totally serious. “You know, colours, like a rainbow-”

“I know what colours are, Finnick.”

“Ohhhh.” His eyes got big as if he thought you actually didn’t know what a rainbow was. “Sorry, you were just looking at me like I had said the most absurd thing you’ve ever heard. So what’s your favourite colour?”

You couldn’t stop the corners of your lips going up as his grin just got wider. God, you hadn’t seen him smile like that in so long. It actually looked real.

You thought about it for a second, looking right into his eyes when you came up with an answer. “It’s blue, not really dark or light either. Sort of green- it’s close to grey, too.”

He looked at you for a few seconds before blurting, “Y/N, that sounds like the least vibrant shade of blue I’ve ever heard of.”

You laughed. “It’s vibrant to me!” He laughed, too, shaking his head like you were crazy. That shade of blue that you described was more vibrant than any other blue you’d ever seen. You could never tired of looking at it whenever you looked into Finnick’s eyes.

When the laughter died down, you asked him the same question. “Okay, now what’s your favourite colour?”

He shrugged. “Don’t have one.”

You scoffed, “Oh, come. on. You have to have a favourite colour; you can’t be that boring.”

“That boring? I’m not boring at all,” he argued, a look of faux offence on his face.

You snorted. “I beg to differ.”

“I can make you beg a lot more if you don’t take that back.” Your eyes immediately went wide and, against your will, a faint redness spread on your cheeks.

“What?”

“You heard me,” he said, crossing his arms. He looked pleased at the reaction he got out of you. “Take it back.”

You scoffed again, but you weren’t sure if it was because of your stubbornness or because you wanted to see how far you could push him. “I’m not taking anything back.”

He just stared at you for a few seconds before flashing that famous smirk of his, dimples appearing in his cheeks. “Really?”

You crossed your arms, too, nodding. “Mhm.”

He chuckled. “We’ll see if you still feel that way in the morning.”

And then he spent the rest of the night showing you just how boring he wasn’t.

The day after, you didn’t wake up dejected but instead with a smile on your face. You didn’t get out of bed at all, staying in Finnick’s arms. You felt giddy, like a school girl. There were no thoughts of his lack of feelings for you, Annie, or The Games. You just laid there and enjoyed the moment.

It didn’t even feel like you were pretending.

When Finnick woke up, you did it all over again. You ended up staying in bed all day together, cancelling your plans.

And when the time came to get out of bed, to go back to the real world, the music didn’t go back to normal. It was more upbeat now. You kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the beat to drop, but it didn’t.

Finnick didn’t pretend like you two sleeping together never happened. In fact, you two kept doing it almost every day. You actually had conversations during dinner. You learned basic things about him that you hadn’t known in all of the time you were living together.

He made you laugh often. You stopped crying so much.

Is this what happiness feels like? you wondered. If it was, you never wanted anything different. Whatever Finnick felt for you, it didn’t matter. As long as he kept making you happy, it didn’t matter.

You were so in love with him that it stopped mattering if he reciprocated your feelings. You didn’t want anything to ruin this, what you had. Your relationship was the most special thing you’d ever had, even if you didn’t know what to call it, so you were gonna do your damn best to hold onto it.

The things he’d say in front of the cameras felt real, then the things he did when you were alone made you believe it even more. Whatever this was between you, it felt real.

So real.

You were stirring something on the stove when two arms snaked around your waist, tickling you, making a squeal fly from your lips. “Finnick!” You screeched, trying to suppress your giggles as you turned around. The culprit (who was shirtless) didn’t look guilty at all, a shit-eating grin on his face. You shoved his shoulder. “I am trying to cook us breakfast.”

He snorted. “Yeah, trying and failing.” You shoved him again, causing him to laugh. “I’m sorry, you can’t cook!”

You crossed your arms and narrowed your eyes. “I’ll have you know, I can cook very well, actually.”

He wrapped his arms around you again. “You know, you’re cute when you pout.”

“I’m not pouting!” You exclaimed, but a blush still arose on your cheeks that Finnick noticed right away. It was almost like he was always watching for those types of things, always trying to say or do something to get you red.

“You’re even cuter when you blush.”

Your blush worsened, but you weren’t gonna give him the satisfaction of your defeat. “I’m not blushing. We’re in a kitchen, and it’s hot.”

He pulled you closer to him, grin widening. “Don’t lie to yourself, sweetheart, about your blushing or your cooking.” He glanced behind you. “Oh, look, burnt food.”

Your eyes went wide, immediately turning around. You groaned when you saw the brown eggs and the trail of smoke coming from them. “It’s all your fault, Finn, you distracted me.”

He gave your head a kiss, rubbing his hands up and down your arms. “Sure, darling, whatever you say.” Luckily, you were turned away from him so he couldn’t see how your cheeks reddened. You still weren’t used to the pet names, even though Finnick seemed to adore them. “Let’s leave the cooking to me from now on.”

You lightly scoffed, “Whatever.” He kissed your cheek before you started walking away, planning to sit on the couch while you waited for him to cook the food. You didn’t have to look at him to know he was probably smug.

“Who messes up eggs?” he muttered under his breath once you were a few feet away.

“I heard that, Finnick!” you shouted, but he only let out a loud laugh.

You shook your head at him, plopping down onto the couch in the adjoining living room and turning the TV on, but it was really just background noise. You found it much more enticing to watch Finnick cook. The way he moved so swiftly looked effortless; he knew what he was doing, that was sure. And it didn’t help that he was shirtless.

You discreetly stared at him for a while—or, you thought you were being discreet. Without looking up from what he was doing, he teased, “You know that I can feel you ogling at me, right?”

You went red as a tomato. “Shut up, Finnick!” you shrieked, turning back to the TV as if you even knew what was playing. His laugh boomed and you turned up the volume to tune it out, only causing him to laugh even louder.

Even though you were thoroughly embarrassed that he’d caught you staring at him, a smile still found its way onto your face. Around Finnick, it was hard not find a reason to smile.

You’d be content if you didn’t do anything for the rest of your life but wake up to him every day.

You spent many more mornings like that together, and lunches, and dinners, and everything in between. You exchanged jokes and playful banter constantly. Finnick really did make your cheeks hurt.

But he knew when to be serious.

There were still nights when you’d wake up from nightmares, and he’d comfort you back to sleep every time. When you caught him in a nightmare, you’d try your best to repay the favour, even though that didn’t happen often. He rarely wanted you to see him like that, so he hid his nightmares, but you did everything you could to keep him happy while he was awake to make up for it.

When you went to the Capitol, all of the darkness crept back in, squeezing in through the cracks of the walls that you’d built—for both of you. But you kept each other grounded. You weren’t alone.

Once, he had to talk you back from the edge as you had a panic attack in the bathroom. He locked the door and stayed there with you until you calmed down. You told him that you saw someone you hadn’t seen up close in a while, an old patron, and that just opened the floodgates. You saw his hands ball up into fists; he tried to hide the anger on his face, but you saw it and you understood it.

He was angry at the Capitol, and so were you. He’d been through the same things you had, and that made it so much easier to cope, to have someone that understood. He understood for you and you understood for him, and so when things were bad, they at least became more okay. As long as you were there for each other, things were okay.

Meeting Johanna Mason at a later event nearly brought you right back to the brink. Her family was dead, she’d told you. And you wished you hadn’t understood so fast. You wished that none of you ever had to understand these things, that you could’ve stayed kids for longer before childhood was ripped away from you.

It’s not fair, you cried to Finnick. He killed her family. She said no, and he killed her family.

He let you cry on his shoulder, rubbing his hand up and down your back as he whispered, I know. It’s not fair, I know. But it was the world you lived in, and, unfortunately, neither of you had the power to do anything about it, even though you were the so called Prince and Princess of Panem.

So you did what you could. You were there for Johanna like how you were there for Finnick when you still didn’t know him. Both of you were there for her, teaching her the moves to your dance so she could dance with you while you were all at the Capitol together.

She was brutally honest, maybe even rude to the average onlooker, but it was what The Games did to her. Finnick and you understood that, and that led to you both forming a friendship with her. Coping with other people, people who understood, was the best painkiller that not even money could provide.

The Games were the hardest, but you went through that together, too. You trained those tributes with everything you had. You tried your best, but sometimes, not even that was enough to keep them alive. Finnick and you would grieve together. At times, he was more rational than you, reminding you that it wasn’t your fault, that these were games made to kill.

Whatever you went through, you went through it together. The good days, the bad days, the laughs, the tears—you were together every step of the way.

Things went like this for years. You really were a team, and nothing could convince you otherwise this time. You loved him more and more each day, but you never told him that; you didn’t need to, and you didn’t need him to love you, either. Being there, being together was good enough.

Your song never got old. You were so in sync as you danced. Oh, you never would’ve thought that Finnick Odair of all people would not only make your life bearable, but also joyful.

You were fake boyfriend and girlfriend, and yeah those lines started to blur, but you also became best friends over time.

Finnick and you lied together in bed, the TV going on in the background. Your head was on his chest as he pet your hair. It was your seventh time doing this mentor thing, but it never seemed to get easier.

Your tributes were promising, but they still died early on, even though you both got them as many sponsors as you could. Mentors were usually down in the lobby, talking to sponsors and watching The Games with everyone else, but after your tributes died, there was no point.

So you went upstairs, and you both just lied there. It was one of those times where neither of you had to say anything. You were together, alive together, and that was enough.

Listening to Finnick’s heartbeat could calm you down in any situation. You must’ve been doing something to help him, too, because his heartbeat was steady. You stayed like that for a bit until he moved a bit, murmuring under his breath, “What?”

He sat up, making you sit up, too, while he grabbed the remote, turning the volume up. You glanced at it and the scene immediately caught your attention. You heard the last bits of what the announcer was saying, that a rule about two victors was being annulled. Your brows furrowed; you must not have seen the part where any such thing was declared.

You recognized the tributes who you quickly realized were the last people left standing. They were the kids from district 12, the Girl on Fire and the boy in love with her.

You scoffed. “Of course, they want the star-crossed lovers to battle to the death.” You were about to turn away, refusing to indulge in the Capitol’s bullshit, but Finnick grabbed onto your arm.

“Wait.”

You stopped, turning back. The girl, Katniss, had a bow and arrow in her hands. Peeta was a few steps away from her. They were both staring at each other, Katniss looking like she didn’t know what do, but Peeta looked like he already accepted that he was going to die.

You didn’t want to watch this, watch two people fall apart on television, but for some reason, this had captured Finnick’s attention.

One of us should go home, he said. One of us has to die; they have to have their victor. Katniss was already shaking her head.

No. She dropped her arrow to the ground, walking forward. They don’t.

You tilted your head, but you understood what was happening when she pulled a handful of berries from her pocket. “Holy shit.”

Peeta grabbed her hand, rejecting the idea immediately, but she whispered, Trust me. He must’ve really been in love with her, because he did. She poured some berries into the palm of his hand, making you lean closer.

“You don’t think they’re gonna…” you trailed off, puzzled. There were people that’d killed themselves in past games, but this had never happened. There was always a victor.

Peeta hesitated, but looked sure when he looked back into Katniss’ eyes. Together? he mumbled.

She repeated his words. Together. She looked up for a second, and then you suddenly recognized the look on her face. This was a bluff.

They counted down from three, and just as they were gonna bring the berries to their mouths, the announcer frantically cut in, Stop- stop! He cleared his throat. Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the winners… of the 74th Annual Hunger Games.

Relief flooded into Katniss’ eyes as she embraced Peeta in a hug. Shock flowed through you, and Finnick’s expression was no different.

Once you had processed the information, you couldn’t help the grin that grew on your face, disbelief and pride filling you at the same time. “They just screwed the Capitol.”

You turned to see him smirking. “Hell yeah, they did.”

And this made your Hunger Games experience just a little bit better.

Neither of you were surprised that Seneca Crane was found dead days later. He made a grave mistake, letting two victors win. Snow wouldn’t have that, and you could guess why.

What Katniss and Peeta did was causing chatter, sparking hope. People in district 4 were more hush-hush about it, but outlying districts, like 11, had gone into revolts. The Capitol must’ve been stressed, and knowing that brought you some sick form of comfort.

Katniss and Peeta were spinning their actions, making them out to be this act of love, like they couldn’t bear to live without each other, but you and Finnick saw right through it. After all, if there was anyone who could spot a fake relationship, it was you two.

However, the two love-birds flew from your mind when you got home. You were brought back to your little world, living life alongside Finnick. The urge grew to ask him what you were, if you were still in a fake relationship just like Katniss and Peeta or if this was real, as real as you felt it was, but you didn’t wanna mess up the one good thing you had going.

The truth was, you don’t know how long you would’ve made it without him.

Finnick was your lifeline, and he had no idea.

The next time you were at the Capitol, you were in the Presidential Palace for the so called biggest party of the year. It was always hosted right before the Hunger Games, so being there gave you many things to be anxious about.

But, like always, you concealed it, smiling and shaking hands with the people you came across, even as you were disgusted. Some of these people, the very people who paid for your body at sixteen, were there with their families. You wondered how they could have children and still do what they did.

You were a child, too.

Normally, Finnick would be there to calm you down, but he snuck off somewhere without telling you.

You were wandering around, trying to find him when a head of brown hair streaked with red came into your view. “Hey, Princess.”

A sigh left your lips, both out of relief that you found someone you knew and discontent at the nickname. “Hey, Jo.” You would usually make conversation with her, but you were pretty distracted, glancing around behind her. “Have you seen Finnick anywhere? I’ve been looking for him for a while now.”

When you looked back to her, a look you couldn’t decipher flashed across her face, but it was gone in an instant. “No, can’t say I have.”

For some reason, you got a weird feeling from her. It was almost like she knew something that you didn’t.

“Hey, why don’t we go grab a bite while we wait for him?” She suggested, gesturing to the buffet. “I’m starving.”

You shook your head, dazed. “I’ll catch up with you- I’m just gonna go to the bathroom.”

She perked up. “I’ll go with you.”

You were quick to decline. “No, that’s fine; go eat. I’ll be back in a sec.” She was hesitant for reasons you couldn’t fathom, but she eventually nodded, agreeing to meet you later.

You walked through the halls, passing the bathrooms and not even sparing them a glance. You didn’t really know why you lied about where you were going, but in that moment, it felt like instinct. You trusted Johanna, but you were catching the same weird vibe from countless other people. All you wanted was to find Finnick and have him tell you everything was alright.

You didn’t have to look long before you found him, outside along with many other partygoers. But he wasn’t alone. Standing next to him was a man you’d just recently seen on TV. You just couldn’t remember his name.

You made your way over to them. They cut themselves off as soon as they saw you, not letting you overhear a single detail of whatever they were talking about. You stifled the reappearance of that weird feeling that was starting to feel a lot like suspicion. “Sorry to interrupt, gentlemen.”

Finnick waved you off, “No, it’s fine, sweetheart.” He pulled you into his side, kissing your temple. “This is Plutarch Heavensbee.” A lightbulb went off in your head as you looked to the man.

He was Seneca Crane’s replacement.

What the hell was Finnick doing talking to him?

“It’s an honour and a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Y/L/N,” he greeted, holding his hand out. There was something about him that was throwing you off, not just your revelation of who he was, but you still shook his hand.

“Pleasure’s mine, Mr. Heavensbee,” you replied, smiling your umpteenth fake smile of the night. But you had an inkling that no one in the Capitol was as genuine as they seemed.

Plutarch didn’t try to stay and make small talk like the rest of the people you encountered at the Capitol, bidding you both farewell and wishing you a good night. Something told you his departure had something to do with your arrival.

Once he was out of earshot, you turned in Finnick’s arms. “Was that the new head Gamemaker?” He nodded, but didn’t offer any explanation. You furrowed your brows. “What were you talking about?”

Finnick shrugged nonchalantly, but for some reason, he seemed tense. “He wanted to meet the youngest victor of The Games.”

You found that hard to believe, holding back a scoff. “Well, he didn’t seem too interested in meeting me.”

A smile arose on his face as he wrapped his arms back around your waist. “That is because you, darling, are not the youngest person to ever win.”

This time, you did scoff, but the tense atmosphere dissipated. “You’re a dick.”

“You love me.” Your heart nearly stopped, but you kept your composure. You did love him, more than he’d ever know.

You shook your head, acting unaffected. “C’mon, Johanna’s waiting for us by the buffet.” You tried walking away, but your faux façade of annoyance was broken by Finnick latching onto your hand and walking forward with you, chuckling.

And then the entire matter of everyone’s weird behaviour was pushed to the back of your mind.

Returning home from the Capitol was always peaceful, like a weight being lifted off your shoulders, but this time was unlike any of those other times. When you got home, the so called peace that the Capitol so delicately crafted was ripping at the seams.

The chatter from before, from when Katniss and Peeta defied the Capitol, was louder than ever. They had just gone on their victor’s tour, right before you left for the Presidential Palace, and they had apparently sparked a reaction in just about every district they visited, yours included.

You found out that district 4 had been in a revolt since Everdeen and Mellark came and gave their speech. The people were outraged. The news talked about seafood shortages due to bad weather, but the Capitol just didn’t want to let Panem know what was going on, that people were refusing work, that Peacekeepers were murdering innocent people left and right for the smallest of incidents.

When you were all caught up with what had happened, you were furious, too. You wanted to march out onto the streets and give the Capitol the finger, but Finnick pulled you back.

“What are you gonna do, Y/N?” he questioned, not even giving you the time to answer. “You don’t even know.”

Your voice was vicious as you responded, a tone you’d never given him. You were angry, and you both knew you weren’t thinking clearly; you just didn’t care. “I don’t know right now, but I’m gonna do something, Finnick.” You tried pulling your arm away, but he was much stronger than you.

“I’m not gonna let you go out there and get yourself killed.” You could tell by his demeanour that he was angry, but not for the same reasons that you were.

You shook your head. “You of all people should understand where I’m coming from.”

His eyes went hard. “You must not know me well if you think I’d let my girlfriend kill herself.” That shut you up.

His girlfriend.

He called you his girlfriend.

You got over the shock and, suddenly, you were even more angry than before. While you could pretend all you wanted to that you lived in candy-land, the cruel reality was still there. Finnick didn’t love you. He was only playing with your emotions.

Tears built up in your eyes: sad tears, angry tears—they were everything tears. You felt everything. “I’m your girlfriend now?”

He scoffed, “Oh, come on, Y/N. You can’t be serious right now.”

“I am so serious right now.”

At your deadpan, he finally let go of your arm, running a hand through his hair. A part of you felt bad that he was so stressed, but you were stressed, too. He looked like he was trying to figure out what to say when he looked back up at you. His voice was no longer harsh, but small. “Y/N, please.”

You swallowed.

“I’m just asking you to trust me.” He grabbed onto your hands. “Please just trust me.” He was begging you.

“Trust you to do what?”

“I just need you to trust me, Y/N, please.” He held your hands tighter. “Trust me.”

Oh, it didn’t matter how angry you were, if your thoughts were set in stone. Finnick would still be able to mold you like clay. Every time.

“I trust you.”

There was something different about him, but you were too distracted to try and figure it out.

There were so many things going on.

You were with Annie when it happened. Oh, that must have been some cruel joke from the universe. You were walking through the town square, on your way to Victors’ Village with pastries from the bakery in your hands. You were slowed down by the all of the people congregating together, watching the screen.

President Snow was announcing the third Quarter Quell, and they were eating it up. You weren’t gonna do that, entertain his lunacy. You’d go the Capitol and play your role, but you weren’t gonna watch these broadcasts anymore. You weren’t gonna play along.

Finnick could explain it to you later so you’d be able to prep your tributes. The Quells were always made out to be the hallmark of The Games; they were always harder. You felt for whatever kids would have to go through them.

You felt a lot more once you realized who these tributes were gonna be.

You weren’t listening to what Snow was was saying, but his words cut through any sort of mental block you had. “On this, the third Quarter Quell Games, the male and female tributes are… to be reaped from the existing pool of victors in each district.”

Your stopped walking as if you’d hit a wall, the stuff in your hands falling the ground, but it was almost like you didn’t hear it. You stopped hearing anything, not Snow explaining the condition or everyone’s gasps. Your ears rang. Everything was muffled like you were underwater.

You were done. You were supposed to be done. You went through those Games, you won, and now you were supposed to be done.

He was gonna make you go through it all over again.

You were so shocked that you pinched yourself, like you were a child and this was some nightmare, and even though you didn’t wake up, even though you knew you were awake, you were still caught in a nightmare that you’d have to die to escape from.

Your senses came back to you and you spun around, pulling Annie into a tight hug the second you saw the tears streaming down her face. She muttered the same thing over and over into your shoulder.

“This can’t be happening, this can’t be happening, this can’t be happening.”

She couldn’t go through this again. The Games broke her beyond repair. She couldn’t mentor because of it; she could barely ever attend any of the Capitol parties you and Finnick frequented. She would die in that arena, either mentally or physically.

You couldn’t let that happen.

Your song played on a loop in your mind, making the decision for you. You were reminded that, even though your dance may have changed, Finnick didn’t love you. He loved Annie, and he would be destroyed if she died.

You couldn’t let that happen.

You couldn’t let Mags go back into the arena, either. He needed her. These were the only people he cared about; you couldn’t let them go through this.

Then and there, you decided your fate.

You were gonna be the one to go back into the arena, and no one was gonna stop you.

When you and Annie had made it to your house, ignoring all of the looks of pity thrown your way, Finnick looked just as beaten down as you, but not surprised. You didn’t have time to analyze that.

He hugged Annie first, shooting you an apologetic look, but you didn’t understand what it was for. You knew what Annie meant to him.

You weren’t so deluded that you’d believe you came before her. Besides, she needed to be consoled more than you did. You were calm. Annie was lost right now, but you knew exactly where you were headed.

That night, once Annie left, your clothes came off, and you and Finnick had the softest sex you ever had. It was gentle, and you let yourself feel loved one last time. You let yourself be selfish and have this one thing, just one last time.

You knew that the odds of coming out of that arena were slim, so you kissed Finnick like you were gonna die the very next day. I just might, you thought. And then as you fell asleep in his arms, you pretended that everything was alright. You pretended that your dance wasn’t gonna end so soon, that you weren’t gonna sign your life away when you woke up, that Finnick really loved you, that he loved you just as much as you loved him. You pretended one last time.

The next day, you and all of the other victors walked to the Hall of Justice, escorted by a dozen Peacekeepers. There were so many male tributes. As terrible as it sounded, you were praying that it’d be one of them that was chosen, not Finnick. If he was, then you would throw away any chance you had of winning.

If he went in with you, then he’d be the one walking out.

Cassia Locke stood in the middle of the stage, in between the male and female victors. You found it funny, almost: you were victors, but now the Capitol was gonna rip that refuge away after they’d already taken everything from you.

Cassia was just another mutt in your eyes. She was district 4’s Capitol escort; she was meant to be an advisor, but she didn’t do that well, not for you or the other tributes you mentored. But you supposed you couldn’t be too surprised. Her job was to make spectacles, not survivors.

However, she almost looked human for a moment, glancing at the women sympathetically before she pulled out a folded paper from the bowl. You stood on edge; there were only three of you. Unbeknownst to you, Finnick also stood straighter in trepidation.

She cleared her throat, announcing, “The female tribute for the 75th Annual Hunger Games and third Quarter Quell is… Annie Cresta.”

Annie’s face fell, but you quickly stepped forward. “I volunteer as tribute.”

“Y/N, what are you doing?” Annie whispered, putting a hand on your shoulder, but you brushed her off and ignored her.

Cassia nodded. “Very well, then.” She moved back to the bowl. “Now for the males.”

You glanced over to see that Finnick was already looking at you, an unknown emotion written all over his face, though you realized what it was quickly. Betrayal.

You were confused why. If anything, he should’ve been relieved.

“The male tribute for the 75th Annual Hunger Games will be…” she unfolded the paper, “Finnick Odair.”

Your heart dropped. That wasn’t supposed to happen.

The universe must’ve hated you.

Finnick’s mask was back on. Any trace of emotion on his face was erased and replaced with the cocky, charming façade that he’d perfected. He smirked as if he wasn’t just chosen for the most brutal “game” there ever was, like there was nothing to be worried about.

He was so good at pretending. Maybe even better than you.

You both walked toward the centre of the stage simultaneously, routinely. You’ve danced this dance before.

“Ladies and gentlemen, our tributes for the Hunger Games.”

Right after that, Peacekeepers came from the side, trying to grab at your arms, but you shook them off. “We know where to go,” you said. You don’t know if it was the your tone of voice or the look on your face, but they actually listened.

You were escorted into an inactive chamber, the same one you were brought to for your first Games. Memories flashed through your mind before you shook them away. You couldn’t get PTSD right before you went into this.

Finnick was stoic as he stared you, but before either of you could say anything, Mags and Annie came rushing into the room. Annie took you by surprise, immediately engulfing you tightly.

She was still crying, but manage to blubber out through her tears, “Why- why would you do that?”

You rubbed her back. “Annie-”

“Why would you do that for me? It was supposed to be me. Supposed to be me, supposed to be me.” She kept repeating herself over and over, shaking in your arms.

From the corner of your eye, you saw Finnick and Mags watching you. “It’s gonna be okay, Annie,” you told her, but you knew it was a lie. “I’m gonna be fine.” You weren’t.

As if she knew this, she only cried harder. You didn’t know what else to say, so you just kept rubbing her back, hoping that she’d calm down. Eventually, she stopped shaking, but tears kept flowing from her eyes like a waterfall. She tried to wipe them away, but they just kept coming.

She sniffled, going over to hug Finnick, then hugging you one last time before she left. “Take care of each other- please,” she asked, and you weren’t thinking of doing anything but.

You nodded, assuring her that you would do just that. Mags hugged you, saying the words she couldn’t express through her gaze. You could tell that neither of them wanted to leave, but they had to.

Only one of you was gonna come back, and that was gonna be hard to come to terms with.

They left, and then it was just you and Finnick. The music kept playing, and playing, and playing, and you weren’t sure you could take it anymore. You didn’t want to hear this song ever again if it could be your last time listening.

If you could have it your way, you’d dance together until the end of time. But forever was never promised, not in the world you lived in.

The silence, however, felt like it lasted a forever in the moment, so you broke it. “Can you say something?” Finnick just kept staring at you in a way he had never looked at you before. The music got louder. Tears came to your eyes. “Please.”

Maybe he took pity on you, because he did say something. You just weren’t sure if it was any better than the silence. “Why would you do that?” His voice was cold.

You felt cold.

You swallowed. “Finn-”

“Why would you volunteer?” He stepped closer to you, so much venom seeping through his tone that you thought you were gonna be sick. “Annie was going to go-”

You cut him off, throwing your hands up. “You saw her, Finnick. She’s a mess.”

“She was going to be fine-”

“She can’t go through The Games again!” You shouted, losing it. Why was he berating you as if you didn’t just save the love of his life? “It would kill whatever part of her is left.”

“She would’ve been fine. You would’ve been fine-”

“God, why do you care about what happens to me? Annie’s gonna be okay—you’re gonna be able to come home to her and build the family you’ve always wanted-”

He snapped. “You’re my family!” You recoiled like he just hit you with his words. It was like you’d been doused in cold water. Finnick sighed, running a hand through his hair. There was a beat where neither of you said anything, letting his revelation soak in.

But you didn’t know what that meant.

When he spoke up again, his voice was quieter. He didn’t look like the Finnick that smirked up on that stage; he looked defeated, not triumphant. “You’re my family, Y/N. Don’t you get that?” He looked back up at you. “I could’ve protected Annie in that arena, and you would’ve been safe, here—not there with me.”

You shook your head. “There is no protecting someone in an arena- you and I know that best.” You let a tear fall, smiling sadly. “You’re gonna come home, Finnick-”

“Stop.”

“You’re gonna come home and you’re gonna live a long life with Annie-”

“Stop it.”

“You have people to take care of. I don’t.”

“Y/N, stop it.”

Another tear. “You deserve this-”

“Stop it.” Finnick grabbed onto your shoulders. You didn’t even know he got so close. “I’m not gonna let you die in there. Do you hear me? You’re not dying.”

“Only one of us is coming back, Finn. It’s gonna be you.”

You don’t know if your eyes were just really that blurry or if there were actually tears in his eyes, too. “No, you are coming home-”

“Finni-”

He grabbed you tighter. “We are both coming home.” The dam in your eyes broke, and all of the tears you were trying to hold came flooding down your cheeks.

Why was he saying these things? He knew it was impossible.

“We are both coming home, Y/N, I swear,” he promised, but these were promises he couldn’t keep. These were things he couldn’t control. Why was he lying to you- why was he lying to himself?

You wanted to say all these things, to scream, to tell him that it wasn’t true, that you were going to die. But then you remembered every other time you lied in bed together, every time you kissed and held each other. You’ve been lying to yourself all along, pretending you could have a future together when, deep down, you knew that wasn’t the case.

So you held everything in, pulling Finnick to you and hugging him with everything you had. You were gonna let him pretend, just this last time.

You were gonna dance together one last time.

You spent the entire train ride in each other’s arms, only getting up to eat and go to the bathroom before getting back in bed. You didn’t have mentors—you were the mentors. You’d been here before already, and that was surreal in and of itself.

You thought you already won. But nobody ever won, did they?

Those games killed everyone, victors included.

The press was insane, but just as you expected it. You were the Prince and Princess of Panem; they didn’t want to watch you die. Turns out, people in the Capitol did have hearts; clearly, they weren’t all too functional.

This visit, in more ways than one, was completely different from any other time you’d been in the city. Instead of the graceful show you normally put on, waving and smiling, you were much more mute. You were gonna die, anyway, so what was the point of continuing to be a puppet?

Finnick was still his usual self, smirky and arrogant, but even his anger snuck through the cracks of his act. All of you were angry, all of the victors. You could tell just by the mere glances you’d gotten of them, by the news coverage. Nobody wanted to go into an arena and kill people, not even the Careers (who you’d admit were pretty crazy).

However, this was all still a show to the Capitol, with you as the unlucky cast. And the show had to go on.

You and Finnick were separated to be prepped by the “glam teams.” The first time around, you remember being scared, but now you were just bored.

You were sitting idly in the dressing room, waiting for your designer when a man walked in, making you raise a brow.

This was a designer, but not your designer.

“Wait, I know you.” You tilted your head as his face became more familiar to you. “You’re Cinna- you designed those outfits with the fire.”

Cinna nodded in a way that you perceived as both humble and prideful at the same time. “It’s wonderful to meet you, Princess.”

This elicited a bitter chuckle from you. “Please, call me Y/N.” You then stood up to shake his hand when your curiosity sparked. “Aren’t you Katniss’ designer?”

“Yes, but I’m also going to be designing your outfits, as well,” he replied. “The head Gamemaker requested it. You are the Princess, after all.”

The corners of your lips went up. Most people you met at the Capitol would beat around the bush, but this guy didn’t seem shy. It was refreshing. You teased, “Ah, and since I’m a princess, I get Panem’s best to dress me?”

Cinna chuckled a bit under his breath, but didn’t confirm or deny your comment. He dived straight into his plans, explaining what he wanted to for you with a twinkle in his eye that you noticed most artists had when speaking about their work. “I want to stay true to the district 4 theme, but I want to make a statement.”

“Yeah, I had a feeling.”

He smiled. “We’re gonna show the Capitol that they can’t control you.”

And then your little smile turned into a grin.

Cinna did not disappoint. You were in a golden, long-sleeve, grid shirt with holes where the squares were supposed to be; your velvet skirt was a dark blueish-green, skin-tight; and atop your head was a golden crown, decorated with blue jewels.

Of course, it wasn’t a normal outfit, but you were gonna save the theatrics for the parade.

Finnick was around somewhere, likely causing trouble while you were walking around, looking for Johanna. However, you ended up running into someone else.

“Peeta,” you called, and he turned around. He immediately reminded you of Finnick, a mask of charm hiding him. Although Peeta had only been at this for a year, he already knew how to play the game, unlike Katniss who was rather unapproachable.

“Y/N,” he greeted. He scrambled for something to say for a few seconds. “I heard about how you volunteered for that girl. It was really brave.”

You hummed, almost sarcastically. “You don’t have to suck up to me—it’s not like I bite.”

He got red, making you stifle a laugh. “That’s, uh- that’s not what I meant-”

“It’s fine, I get it,” you waved it off. “It’s probably intimidating to be here around all of us, just a year after you won.” He didn’t say anything, just awkwardly smiled. “You know, you don’t have to be scared. You have a lot of power ‘round here; you just need to learn how to wield it.”

He gave you a confused look, so you elaborated, “There’s power in the masses, Peeta. The people here love you.” You paused. “Use that.”

A look of realization crossed his face, and so you decided that you said all you needed to say. He thanked you, but his mind looked to be elsewhere. You nodded, then walked off to find your carriage.

Sure, the Capitol could try and treat you all like pieces on a chess board, but if you got rid of the board altogether, then there would be no game to play. You spoke to Peeta to help him realize that. It didn’t matter if you were all meant to be on different sides; until you got into that arena, you were all one team, and you were gonna try your hardest to stop The Games before they began.

If that didn’t work, then you would just have to concede. One way or another, you would make sure that Finnick made it out of that arena alive. Peeta reminded you an awful lot of him, and while you would otherwise be rooting for him, you would choose Finnick if it came down to it.

You met Finnick at the chariot not long after leaving Peeta. He was shirtless, wearing a skirt similar to your top, rope around his wrists like bracelets. If you weren’t about to go into this stupid parade, you would’ve probably been making out already, but you were far too worried to think about that.

You had Cinna to thank for calming your nerves, giving you something to look forward to. Once the parade had started and you were coming through, you pressed the button of the device he had given you and then your top went up in flames, disintegrating until you were just in a black bralette, revealing the swirls of blue they painted on your arms, resembling waves. The rope around Finnick’s wrists caught fire, too, burning up until there was nothing there.

The crowd cheered, chanting your names. The faintest of smirks grew on your lips, but you really had to stifle your enjoyment when you saw Snow staring your carriage down.

What you did symbolized freeing yourself of the shackles of the Capitol, of these stupid Games. They could try, but they wouldn’t control you.

You would’ve usually felt some sort of fear- hell, you were never so defiant just in fear of what they would do to you. But what more could they do to you? They were already going to kill you. You didn’t care anymore.

After the parade, you ran into Johanna who gave you a good laugh as she told you how she stripped in the elevator. You would’ve paid good money to see it, that was for sure. You also talked to a few other victors on your way back to your suite.

You’d been friends with many of these people for years and now the Capitol was just gonna try and pit you against each other. None of you were looking forward to that—you were friends. But that didn’t mean you couldn’t make any allies.

Alliances didn’t last forever in the arena, but they lasted long enough. Considering your status, almost everyone wanted you and your “boyfriend” as allies; they certainly didn’t want you as enemies.

The next day was spent at the training centre, a brand new one made specially for the Quarter Quell. The thought made you roll your eyes. The Capitol would spend their money on things like this and yet there were still kids out there starving. What kind of world was that? One that you were okay with leaving, so long as Finnick would remain in it.

On your way in, you passed Cashmere and Gloss throwing knives at holograms. They were good, you noted, but not better at it than you. Johanna was off practicing by herself—though you were sure that she was doing it more so to release her pent-up aggression. Wiress and Beetee, Nuts and Volts as Jo called them, were by themselves, much less violent than everyone else here and much more strategic. Finnick was tying knots, looking more bored than anything. And you… you weren’t doing anything.

You leaned back on a wall, watching the other tributes instead of joining them. You didn’t care about the rankings or making yourself look dangerous. You didn’t have anything to prove; you did that already, and you really didn’t need to “practice,” either.

You’ve danced this dance before.

However, not everyone was so aware of just how well you danced last time.

“Not practicing?” You turned your head, seeing the newest victor walking up to you, donning her famous hairstyle. The corners of your lips quirked up in amusement.

She must have been told to make friends. You couldn’t imagine it was working out so well if she was coming to you.

“Don’t need to, Everdeen,” you replied, shrugging. “I don’t need the spotlight; got enough of that.”

She lightly snorted. “Yeah, I know what that’s like.” And you didn’t doubt that. Katniss had definitely captured the attention of Panem with her actions, and she certainly acquired the attention of the Capitol. Snow couldn’t have been her biggest fan.

In another life, you could picture you and her being friends, but you knew it wasn’t gonna happen in this one.

“You’re lucky, you know,” you said. You knew she didn’t see that way, and maybe it was a little bitter of you to say that, but it was true. At least she hadn’t been under the spotlight long enough for it to burn her like it’d burned you.

She scoffed, “How so?” The girl had restraint, you’d give her that. She clearly wanted to say a lot more than that, but she was smart. She knew better.

You shrugged again. “You just are.” And you left it there. If she wanted all the dirty details about you, she could try her luck with one of the other victors, but you doubted she sensed the real meaning of your words. She hadn’t been dancing long enough to even hear the song yet.

A dramatic sigh then escaped your lips. “Ah, though I suppose even your luck can only run so far, Girl on Fire. So sorry about your wedding.” The sarcasm in your voice was toned down just enough that it wasn’t so evident but evident enough to make your point.

She gave you a tense smile, although you weren’t sure if any of Katniss’ smiles ever weren’t tense. “Thanks,” she responded with zero sincerity in her tone. “I’m sorry you and Finnick never had one, either. Would’ve been a real royal occasion.”

You hummed, smiling your royal smile back at her. The Kat has claws, you thought. But you didn’t really feel like standing here and trading subliminals with her all day; you’d have enough of that with everyone else, anyway.

You left it at that, going to walk away before pausing as if you’d forgotten something. “Tell Haymitch I said hi.” You gave her a once over. “He’s done a good job.” And then you walked away.

Finnick’s voice rang through your head: May the odds be ever in your favour, darling. You almost felt like recycling that line and repeating it to Katniss, but you had already messed with her enough.

Your demeanour was in stark contrast of how you normally behaved. You may have been more agreeable or kind at home, sweet on cameras, but in this territory, you had an entirely different reputation. Sharp, cunning, unpredictable—ruthless. That’s the way it needed to be if you wanted to survive, or at least survive long enough to do what you needed to do.

So, you supposed that you had a mask, too.

You all did.

When you got back to your suite later in the evening, Finnick informed you of Katniss’ display with her bow and arrow, how she had renowned victors quaking in their boots, but people were even more scared of you, and you hadn’t even done anything at training.

You basically had the entire pool of tributes to choose from for an alliance. You were choosing Johanna, of course, and Finnick already had his mind made up on his pick.

Making his way over to you, he tossed you something that you swiftly caught before sitting down on the armchair across from the sofa you were sitting on. You looked down, opening your hand to see a golden pendant, a medallion with a rose in the middle.

You raised a brow. This wasn’t a present. “A rose?”

“They’re a Capitol favourite.” Precisely why you hated them.

“Alright, and why are you giving it to me?”

Finnick brought his wrist up, showing you a golden bracelet made of vines while wiggling his fingers. “They’re gifts,” he told you, “from Effie Trinket and Haymitch Abernathy.”

You were familiar with both people. Effie Trinket was crazy, but that wasn’t the dominant thought on your mind. “Gifts for what?”

He answered, “They’ve brokered an alliance with us on behalf of Katniss and Peeta.” At that, you groaned, but Finnick readily cut you off. “This will be good for us, Y/N.”

“They’re brand new to this,” you countered. Sure, you liked the spark that the Girl on Fire had, and Peeta was quite the catch, but they only won a year ago. The Careers would be a better pick, even though you didn’t exactly like them, either.

“Yes, but they’re good; you’ve seen them. And the Capitol’s gonna love it, the two pairs of lovers together. C’mon, you know all this.” You did. You knew that this was one of the best avenues to take, but something in you was against it.

Maybe it was just that Peeta reminded you of the man you were in love with, and Katniss reminded you of yourself. But right now, you had to remind yourself to think with your head, not your heart. You needed to disregard your feelings and do whatever it took to win this.

To you, winning didn’t mean surviving this. Winning meant that Finnick did.

So, with a sigh, you surrendered, agreeing to this little deal. “So, these accessories are, what? Bargaining chips?”

He smirked. “No, they’re symbols. Katniss and Peeta have theirs, too.”

You chuckled, shaking your head and mocking, “So we’re in a little golden alliance, then?”

“It appears so, darling.”

After a little more conversation, Finnick and you headed off to bed, even though neither of you could really sleep. You held each other, though, and so the insomnia was bearable. He told you to stow the necklace away, that you were saving the objects for The Games. Apparently, Katniss and Peeta still needed a little persuasion for this, especially the former.

She was smart not to trust you, but she was equally as naive for the same reason. If you wanted to, you could be judgemental all day, but you didn’t have the time for it, so your mind didn’t linger on the subject.

When you were waiting to be assessed the next day with the rest of the tributes, your mind didn’t really linger on anything. You felt numb: not pleased, not sad, just numb. If you could pin-point an emotion, it had to be anger, but that feeling hadn’t left you since your first Games.

Finnick, on the other hand, looked no different, maybe even a little amused by the tension in the room, too amused for somebody who had to go back to the arena. But Finnick was always one to look a challenge into the eye and, instead of looking away, give it a wink. That was his persona while you were here, in the Capitol, so you’d let him indulge in it if that’s what made him feel better.

You’d do anything for him, even if he didn’t love you back.

He went into the room first. You didn’t know exactly what he was gonna do, but you knew that you were all basically doing the same thing. Plutarch Heavensbee may have been new, but even he knew who you all were. You’ve all shown your skills already, been here already, danced this dance already.

The song was getting old.

You were all giving your own personal fuck you to the Capitol.

When Finnick walked out, he flashed you a smirk that almost made you laugh. You stifled a smile as you walked into the room yourself, but it was quickly wiped off your face as memories played in your head like a movie.

You remembered the first time you did this, coming in and saying your name, scared out of your mind but ready to win, ready to impress the sponsors.

Now, you didn’t have to say your name. You caught their attention as soon as you walked in. You were the Princess. You needed no introduction.

It was funny, though, how that imaginary crown couldn’t save you from this.

The thought of your inevitable death was what fuelled you. You were known for your abilities with a sword, but that wasn’t what you reached for. You reached for the jug of gasoline and a lighter, immediately opening it and pouring in a circle in the middle of the room before stepping into it.

Then you looked right up at all of them and their confused faces, and threw the open lighter to the liquid in front of you, igniting a circle of fire around you.

You stared right at the head Gamemaker as you did it, expressionless. His expression told you that he got the message, or at least your hostility.

You would burn this place to the ground if you had to, even if you got burned while doing it.

When the flames got smaller, you turned and stepped over them, walking out of the room without another glance or word to the Capitol mutts. As far as you were concerned, they weren’t worth your time—you were running out of that, anyways.

Once the assessments were over, all any of you had time to do was get ready for the show. Caesar wasn’t exactly a face you wanted to see right now. Maybe he saw his enthusiasm as a way of “calming the tributes down,” but it was really just his lack of empathy. You didn’t need him cheering and practically gossiping about your death before it happened.

As much as the people in the Capitol liked to think of these Games as games, they weren’t. They were your lives. But you really could spend days obsessing over it, days that you didn’t have.

It was time to dance, and there was nothing you did better.

You were backstage, standing with Finnick and Johanna, waiting your turns. Cinna had made you very pretty. He was good at what he did.

You were wearing a dark blue dress with wide straps tied into blue bows at your shoulders and a sweetheart neckline. The bottom half was pretty fitted, but it was covered by a sparkly, golden, A-line, hoop petticoat made of the same material as your top from the parade, gridded with holes like before. And of course, your crown sat atop your head—Cinna insisted.

He really wanted to nail the whole Princess thing, milk it for all it was worth. And you let him, because his designs were great. Part of you wished you could’ve gotten more into fashion; now you’d never get the chance to.

You couldn’t blame Katniss for being so stand-offish. You’d be intimidated, too, if you were new to the club, watching from the sidelines. You, Finnick, and Johanna didn’t really seem all too approachable right now, either, even the ever so charming Odair. They were exchanging jokes and laughing at the interviews, mocking them, while you were rather stoic, observing the interviews watchfully.

Cashmere and Gloss went first, of course. They did theirs together since they were brother and sister. It was odd to you, how two siblings managed to get reaped together out of all the victors district 1 had, but you were paying more attention to the act they were putting on.

Casmere was sobbing. She’s a much better killer than she is an actor, you thought, but the people in the audience clearly bought it. You’d give her credit, though; you were all trying your best to get this thing cancelled, even if that was highly unlikely.

Next came the two crazy Careers who made Gloss’ acting look world class. Then Beetee went on stage, using logic as a tactic rather than emotion. Smart, but logic wouldn’t sway President Snow’s wishes. The Capitol sent innocent kids off to die every year in a televised event to pay for something that happened years before any of them were born—logic was obviously not their strong suit.

Wiress went next, and that’s basically when you tuned out. She was pretty out of it, not really saying much. Finnick was going after her. That’s what occupied your thoughts.

“Hey, you alright?” Your were snapped out of your daze by the very man you were thinking about, as if he was reading your mind. Those blue eyes that you loved so much stared down at you, concern swimming through them.

Those ocean eyes. You could drown in them.

You cleared your throat, straightening your shoulders. “Yeah, I’m good.” He continued to stare down at you like he was completely unconvinced, but before he could say anything, they were calling his name.

He cursed under his breath then placed a soft kiss on your temple before having to walk out on stage, that famous smirk on his face. He was so good at that, at going from hard to soft so easily, cursing to kissing you.

He was good. He was real good, and he was a much better actor than any other tribute here. He was so good that he could make even you believe his performance.

You watched them from the TV backstage. “Finnick,” Caesar started. “As I recall, the last time we spoke, it was with your other half, who is here today.” The crowd cheered.

Finn nodded, smiling tensely, which you were sure he did on purpose. “That’s right.”

“You and the Princess have so graciously shared your love with us, and we have fallen in love with you both, perhaps as much as you love each other.” You and Johanna simultaneously rolled your eyes. Finnick, though, smiled to the cheering audience, mouthing thank you’s that no doubt made them swoon. “None of us know how to deal with the fact that you are both going into The Games- I certainly haven’t come to terms with it. Tell us, how are you dealing with this?”

You scoffed. If there was something the people of the Capitol liked to do, it was pretending that your tragedy was their own. They didn’t know even half of your pain, any of yours.

Caesar practically shoved the microphone in Finnick’s face. He looked down, like he was thinking, but you knew he probably had this bit down pat already. “If I’m being honest, neither Y/N nor I have come to terms with it, either.” He now looked right to the camera. “What I do know is that I will do whatever it takes to protect the woman I love.” The crowd cooed as you looked straight at the TV, as if Finnick was staring into your eyes. “And if I… if I die in that arena, then my last thought will be of her lips… and how lucky I was to have met her and have had the opportunity to give her my heart.”

The crowd went wild and Caesar said something in response, but you couldn’t hear it. You were stuck staring into Finnick’s eyes, the eyes you fell in love with. Oh, he was so good. He could dance the dance so much better than you. Because everything he said, he almost made you believe that he meant it.

You blinked the tears in your eyes away when Johanna shook you, telling you they were about to announce your name. You put the mask back on, and it was your love for Finnick that made you do it. You were doing this for him.

An exhale left your lips as you waited for your cue. “And now, ladies and gentlemen, as our Prince exits, I have the honour of welcoming his counterpart to the stage. The winner of the 67th Hunger Games. The Princess of Panem. Y/N Y/L/N!”

The doors you stood behind opened and you walked onto the stage, a stellar smile on your face as you waved to the roaring crowd. You just had to play the role, and everything would be fine.

When the cheers died down, Caesar gave you a sympathetic look, or at least a look that he thought was sympathetic. “Now, Y/N, it is lovely to see you. You look stunning.”

“Thank you, Caesar. It’s always wonderful to see you. I just wish it was under different circumstances.” You glanced to the crowd, catching their pity. For once, that was the exact emotion you wished to inspire.

“Yes, I think I speak for us all when I say that this is not easy.” You tightly smiled, even though you really just wanted to flip him off. “We just spoke to Finnick, he has been quite expressive these past few days in the Capitol, but you, Y/N, you have not been as revealing. Please, we’d like to know what’s been on your mind.”

If Caesar really heard what was on your mind, then he’d be appalled. That wasn’t your goal, even though you’d greatly enjoy that. Instead, you had a different play.

The audience was very quiet in anticipation of your response. You sighed, keeping the tired smile. “I, um… I’ve had a lot on my mind, really. Finnick and I, we thought we had more time, time to get married and even have kids, but now it’s like that time has just been… stolen from us.” Collective awes resounded throughout the crowd as Caesar brought his other hand to his chest, like your words moved him. “It’s- it’s just not fair, simple as that. But I love him, and that love will survive, even if I don’t.”

The audience let their dismay be known while Caesar shook his head. “Oh, my dear, I have seen your love- we all have, and I know that it will never die.” You nodded in agreement, listening to everyone else agree with you.

The acting was easier than you thought it’d be. Maybe that was because it wasn’t all acting, not for you. You knew your role, and you knew it well, but your love for Finnick was not something you had to fake. It was perhaps one of the only real things you had left.

“Now, we are all in for an emotional night, so I’d just like to lighten the mood a little- is that alright?” You nodded again, though you wondered how he would’ve reacted if you didn’t. “Okay, now we all saw your display at the parade- isn’t that right, everyone?” He paused, letting them applaud. “Yes, it was magnificent. Would I be right in assuming that you have something similar planned tonight?”

“Oh, you’d be correct,” you responded, flashing a grin at the whooping crowd.

“Please, please.” He stepped back. “Go right ahead.”

You glanced at Cinna sitting front row before pressing the button of the device he gave you. The golden petticoat then went up in flames, seemingly “ejecting” the skirt of your dress, sending it from above your knees to your ankles as it went from skin-tight to flowy. The very bottom faded into a teal colour, like the sea.

The crowd’s cheers got louder than you thought possible. Caesar wowed, then raised his voice. “Ladies and gentlemen, the Princess of Panem!” You gave the crowd one last wave before making your way up the stairs to stand with the rest of the victors.

You were standing next to Finnick by the time the next tribute was called out and the attention was on them. To your surprise, he grabbed your hand, holding it tightly. But what really surprised you was the slight tremble you felt.

You looked up at him to see him already staring down at you. His mask fell a little, and instead of the at-ease Finnick you just saw, you were looking at a much more serious, stern version. You were confused by what could’ve brought this on, but then he leant down slightly, whispering in your ear, “I told you. I’m not letting you die.” When he pulled away, he didn’t look any less serious.

Oh, what a great liar he could be. There he was, making you believe in things that couldn’t possibly be true. You were going to die. You knew that, and you’d accepted it already. But Finnick hadn’t accepted it at all. He looked like he was believing his own lie.

You don’t know why this had shaken him so badly. Maybe he felt obligated to you, maybe he felt bad for you, but whatever it was, you weren’t gonna make it worse.

You could be a good actor, too.

For him.

You nodded, whispering back, “I know.” This looked to have calmed him down a little. He kissed the side of your head, and then the mask was back up. He kept his tight hold on your hand, and you let him.

You never know when it’d be the last time you held hands, and so you were gonna enjoy this while it lasted.

Even though this was an “emotional night,” as Caesar had dubbed it, you still got satisfaction out of everything the victors were pulling. When Johanna came on stage, she had a totally different approach than all of your sad acts and Beetee’s logic: she said what you all really wanted to say, giving the Capitol a loud fuck you.

You and Finnick had to stop yourselves from laughing amidst your shock. Caesar definitely wasn’t expecting that. You knew Snow definitely wasn’t expecting that, either. You hoped he was watching this right now, and you hoped that all of Panem could feel your outrage.

But if you were surprised by anything, it was the so called star-crossed lovers from district 12. Katniss’ wedding dress was a nice touch; she could’ve convinced even you that they were in love, if you didn’t know any better.

You weren’t the only one with a message to send to the Capitol with your attire. She spun around and her white dress was engulfed in flames, transforming into a midnight blue dress similar to yours. And when she lifted her arms, wings were revealed, and the smile on your lips widened.

“It’s a bird,” Caesar stammered in awe. “It’s like, a- it’s got feathers- it’s a bird- like a-”

You murmured at the same time as Katniss spoke up, “Like a Mockingjay.” You looked up to Finnick, seeing him already smirking. Everdeen was a lot ballsier than you thought.

“Your stylist certainly has outdone himself this time, hasn’t he? Bestowing not one, but two just astonishing looks upon us! What theatricality.” The attention was drawn to your designer. “Cinna! Take a bow.”

You were growing to like this man more and more, knowing that the Capitol must have hated him.

When the cheers died down and Katniss came and joined you all, the event was almost over with just Peeta left. You remembered the advice you gave him; you had high hopes for him, and he did not disappoint.

He claimed he and Katniss had a secret wedding, reeled them all in, and then he added the cherry on top. “You know, Katniss and I, we’ve been luckier than most. And I wouldn’t have any regrets at all…” he paused, choking up, “i-if, if it weren’t… if…”

“If it weren’t for what? What, Peeta?”

“If it weren’t for the baby.”

Hook, line, and sinker.

The audience clamoured. You slapped a hand over your mouth to hide the upturn of your lips, feigning horror. Finnick was in the same boat, stifling a laugh.

Golden boy was smarter than he got credit for.

People in the audience stood up, shouting while Caesar tried to calm them down. They were calling for The Games to be stopped, exactly what you’d been trying to achieve all night. Caesar whispered something to Peeta away from the microphone, and he walked up the stairs to the rest of you, hugging his apparent wife.

Then suddenly, you were nudged by the person next to you, looking down to see their hand outstretched. You quickly realized what was going on and grabbed it. And then amidst all the fury, you brought your hands up together. Yes, they wanted you to kill each other, but you were all united in the same fight first.

It became obvious that Caesar couldn’t contain the crowd’s indignation any longer, so the anthem played, increasing in volume to try and drown them out, but your actions were still so much louder than words.

That’s when the lights cut out.

But it would be a lot harder for the Capitol to snuff out the spark you all lit.

While you all did your best, your efforts appeared to be futile. Snow wasn’t against killing children, so you supposed that you all should’ve known better than to think that he’d cancel The Games for Everdeen’s baby.

However, it wasn’t completely useless. You had the public’s support. Sponsors wouldn’t be hard to get, so at least that was something. But all in all, The Games were still happening. One winner. Twenty-three of you would be dead, and you were going to be one of them.

Your last Games, you were relentless, selling your soul to stay alive. And you were gonna do it all over again, but this time, your objective wasn’t staying alive at all. It was making sure Finnick could make it home to Annie.

Lying there in Finnick’s arms that night for what could possibly be the last time, you realized that you would die without ever having been loved by someone. You were with Finnick, and you loved him, but he didn’t love you back.

These last few days, you had been consumed by fire, knowing that you would burn everything down if it meant your lover would be safe, but it was like it was just hitting you that you’d been warming yourself up with a flame that wasn’t ever really yours.

You knew without a doubt that Finnick Odair was your soulmate.

But you weren’t his.

Tears pooled into your eyes at the thought, and so you quickly buried your head into his chest before a panic attack could came on. You calmed down to the sound of his heartbeat, the heartbeat that you personally would make sure didn’t stop until he was old and his hair was grey.

The next day was a blur between the hovercraft, having the trackers injected into you, and then being separated from Finnick. The only thing you really could remember was how he kissed your cheek before he left.

And then you were in the tube, rising up into the arena. You couldn’t get a good look at it. Every time you blinked, your Games flashed before your eyes. Sun, cold, dirt, blood, screaming, murder.

You inhaled deeply, closing your eyes as the announcer counted down. Pull yourself together, Y/N, you thought.

And then The Games begun.

Taglist: @honestlycasualarcade

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stylescine · 11 months

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okkkk so remember when harry sang vossi bop with stormzy. so there's a lyric in it which goes "i finish with a FACIAL just to topp ot off' what if reader is innocent and asks harry what that is after his performance backsatage and he has to answer and then she asks him to do it for her?

gosh i am in love with this!!!

Warnings: facial, oral (m receiving), VERY innocent reader lol

It wasn't her first time visiting Harry at one of his concerts. She loved to see him perform and today was even more special. Stormzy would be performing a song with Harry and she was just as excited as everyone else to hear them sing together.

She was standing by the side of the stage, moving to the music as her boyfriend was singing in front of the crowd. Stormzy eventually came on and Harry started singing his song "Vossi Bop" with him. She had heard the song in the radio before, like everyone probably did, but hearing it live was even better.

It was also interesting to see Harry sing a different type of music and her boyfriend seemed to enjoy himself thoroughly. She clapped loudly like everyone else when the song came to an end.

The lyrics stuck with her though. "I finish with a facial just to top it off" was one she couldn't quite understand. What was a facial and why did anyone have to top something off with it?

The show went on for another while and she danced and sang like everyone else. By the time Sign of the Times came around and the show ended, she was whistling and clapping for Harry like the rest of the room. She still felt so proud seeing Harry up there on the stage, doing what he loved. The energy the man could bring to a room was impressive and unmatched.

As soon as Harry disappeared behind the stage again, she did the same and met him in the hallway to the dressing room.

"Darling," he smiled and opened his arms for her as she was quick to jump into them. His arms wrapped tightly around her while he lifted her up, his scent filling her nose. His hair was messy from the dancing and his cheeks red, but he still looked absolutely beautiful. "That was such a great show again. And what a nice surprise for everyone," she told him with a smile as he set her back down onto the ground.

"I always try my best when you're in the crowd. " There was a cheeky grin on his face. She chuckled softly at his comment before she intertwined their fingers again, walking back to the dressing room with him. Harry would probably change back into jeans and a hoodie before they would leave to head home. He usually didn't stay in the suits unless it was show time.

She sat down on the couch in the room as Harry shrugged off his jacket and loosened his tie. Maybe she could ask him about the line she didn't quite understand earlier.

"What's a facial, love?"

Harry turned around quickly, his eyes wide as he stared at her. Did she just tell him about a ghost? "Did I-"

"No, it's alright," he interrupted her immediately. He had just been taken aback by the sudden question, but he soon realised that it was probably a genuine one. She had revealed to him that her sexual experience was pretty limited, so this was a natural question to ask. And as he had promised, he would help her understand things better wherever he could. She had already shared her first time with him and since then, they had been exploring more and more new things.

"It's basically that when a guy comes, he just comes all over someone else's face," he explained simply, but could feel the heat in his cheeks anyway. He would be lying if he said he had never imagined doing that to his beautiful girlfriend.

"Oh," she replied, looking at him with a curious expression. She liked the idea of it, she really did. There was a tingling between her legs at the thought of giving Harry a blowjob and letting the man come all over her face. It felt like a dirty, secret fantasy, but she wanted to make it reality.

"Can you do that for me?"

Harry stared at her with wide eyes again. He couldn't quite believe what he had heard. Of course, he would love to do that for her, but he also didn't want to push her into anything she wasn't ready for yet. On the other hand, she had asked him directly about it and seemed pretty determined too.

"Are you sure?" He asked slowly, but was already walking towards her. He could see her eyes light up when he was standing next to her.

"Very sure. I wanna know what it's like," she assured him before she patted the spot on the couch next to her. Harry sat down eventually, looking over at his girlfriend. The curious look in her eyes somehow made this situation even more thrilling. She seemed so eager, almost desperate.

Her hand moved over his thigh, getting closer to that spot between his legs, putting slow pressure onto it. She could feel Harry growing slowly, a groan escaping the man's throat. "Y/N," he whispered, his eyes dark with lust as he looked over at her again. He wanted her so badly.

She slowly slid off the couch, kneeling down in front of him between his spread legs. Her fingers found his zipper and slowly pulled it down. Harry lifted himself off the couch for a moment to allow her to pull down his pants and then his underwear.

Seeing him naked in front of her, in all his glory, always send a rush of desire towards her core. As she wrapped her hand around his cock, pumping slowly, she could feel him get harder and bigger with time. Her boyfriend threw his head back, moans leaving his mouth continuously. "Shit," he whispered, his hand grabbing the cushion next to him.

She started to move her hand faster. The sight of his cock was always mouth-watering for her. He was big and the veins so prominent. So she moved forward and ran her tongue over the underside of his shaft, watching Harry shiver at the touch.

She placed a kiss on his tip before parting her lips for him, taking him into her mouth. Her hand was holding onto his thigh as she started to move her head up and down, tongue swirling around him. His moans were urging her on. She increased her pace and she knew it was working when Harry's hands buried in her hair, tugging on it to pull her up and down on his cock. He was fucking her face by now and she could feel herself getting even more wet. She needed him. And she needed to feel him come.

"Fuck, I'm close," he groaned, giving her hair a more firm tug as he pulled her off his length. She was already waiting excitedly for what was about to happen.

Harry pumped his cock again a few times, eyes fluttering shut and back open, until he finally reached the edge. A loud moan left him again as he started to come all over her face.

She closed her eyes for a second, but opened her mouth almost instinctively, licking off the cum that had landed on her lips. She took the time to wipe the cum off her cheek and then lick her fingers clean.

Harry groaned again at the sight, pulling her closer to press his lips against hers.

He knew he would give her a lot more facials from now on. And he was grateful for her curiosity.

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akutasoda · 7 months

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Hello something similar to the jouno ask you got except with Chuuya. Like the reader is legitimately Dazai just in a different font, like reader also used to be referred to as the angel prodigy or some shit. Anyways reader is in the helicopter with Chuuya while he rescues them and its just "why the fuck are you here? And how come you were able to help whilst saving us??" *insert that song that just goes thank you to my man* anywaysss the reader just goes on to explain how her and Chuuya have been dating for like over two years. Props if you make reader and Dazai besties that constantly play flirt and people always think they're together

a fortuitous helper

synopsis - maybe it was not the best way to introduce your spouse while on the run

includes - dazai, kunikida, yosano, ranpo ft chuuya x reader

warnings - gn!reader, reader is an agency member, reader is the partner of chuuya, slight crack/angst, fluff?, mention of murder, wc - 816

a/n: hello!!! :) i also got a bit carried away with this one haha - anon is referencing this post

you had always dreamed of holding such an important job at somewhere at the detective agency. and so as soon as you could, you applied to join and got in with zero issues. not even in your entrance exam. afterall you had built yourself the reputation in various positions prior and you even earned a nickname - 'the divine prodigy'. from your understanding it was meant to mock the one they called the 'demon prodigy' as you always seemed to foil most of their plans despite never finding eachothers identity.

although in this job you wanted to start anew, sure you would still hold your title as it was of great meaning, but you wanted less pressure that came with it. you naturally got along with fellow coworkers, but you seemed to gel with dazai the most - much to kunikida's dismay. there seemed to be a natural connection between you two, afterall you both were quite similar and very quickly he became a very close friend.

you two could often be found jokingly flirting with another or teasing coworkers or eachother, so much so that the entire agency was very confused on your status with dazai - minus ranpo. but apart from that you had always got along with others in the agency aswell. however there was someone that you got along with much more, chuuya. you ahd met him by pure coincidence when out in public and seemed to hit it off immediately. then you started meeting on purpose, and eventually making it official.

chuuya had never wanted to tell you the true nature of his job and somehow throughout all of your relationship neither of you knew what the other did. rather shamefully lying about it instead, you both knew it was wrong but you didn't want to ruin what you had already - not that it would. and that's how it carried on, one year turning to two and so on.

it was an unfortunate twist of fate for the agency. it was cruel, but currently there was nothing to do at this point apart from try and make it out alive. which was seemingly less and less likely, was there even an escape form the hunting dogs? most of you were injured already and they seemed dead set on actually killing yosano, but all of you were powerless to help. that was until you heard a voice you never thought to hear in a situation like this.

looking up you managed to lock eyes with chuuya. guess secrets out. chuuya was quite stunned to see you so he had let his concerns slip unintentionally spilling an obvious relationship between you two to your co-workers who glance at the two of you in confusion. you felt as if you owed them an explanation after everything. however you did feel quite proud of your man.

osamu dazai ★↷

and again, dazai had heard later on due to his situation. and his initial reaction was one of distaste, how could someone as great as you end up with that slug. but in all fairness maybe eventually he could admit that you two did seem perfect. dazai found it very comical about the whole situation, you not actually knowing who chuuya was to the fact he had saved you. after the whole ordeal blows off, he does send slight threats to chuuya about breaking your heart. also found it very ironic that the 'divine prodigy' was dating a mafia member.

doppo kunikida ★↷

kunikida's first reaction in honesty was anger. why were you associated let alone dating a sworn enemy! but that was quickly overlooked, he had saved you all. that doesn't mean he won't let it go and won't question you to oblivion later. but he does wish maybe you could've told them something, sure it's not anyone's place to pry in your private life but something like this seems to atleast warrant some answers.

akiko yosano ★↷

admittedly, yosano was in quite a daze after everything happening so fast and yet she still didn't care who you were dating. maybe it could've not been a mafia member, but if he made you happy then that's what mattered. she did appreciate that he had saved them, and would be willing to overlook any mafia issues this one time. although she does think it was a bit dumb that you two never tild eachother your true jobs.

ranpo edogawa ★↷

let's be honest again, he would know around the couple of year mark with chuuya. how? you'd rather not know. but admittedly that did give him some confidence in knowing that the mafia would be more willing to help, atleast chuuya despite not actually knowing eachothers true job. just found it very ironic and quite funny that you both were complete opposites but worked so well together. who would've guessed the 'divine prodigy' would end up with such a high ranking mafia member.

#x reader #x gender neutral reader #bsd x reader #bsd x gender neutral reader #bungo stray dogs x reader #bungo stray dogs x you #bsd x you #bsd chuuya #chuuya x reader #bsd dazai #bsd kunikida #bsd yosano #bsd ranpo

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heystephen · 1 year

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ashley/noitsashley/etc explained for the swifties who aren’t chronically on tiktok and don’t know what’s going on aka i rot my brain on tiktok so you guys don’t have to!

(long post ahead, i wanted to cover as much strange behavior as i could)

so let’s start with the very basic who? she is. noitisashley13, or ashley leechin, is a 29 year old tiktoker who’s gained notoriety for being a ‘taylor swift lookalike’. if you’ve seen anything about her, you’ve probably seen the video of the guy who thought he was meeting taylor in new york, and ashley and her friend going “nooo it’s ashley! it’s just ashley!” over and over again.

off of tiktok, iirc, she’s a target employee, or was, because she was fired from her nursing position for being anti vax and anti mask. she’s also married and has two young kids. so there’s like, your background on ashley.

she has a reputation (ha) for being a liar about weird things big and small. for example, she claimed that she walked past taylor’s old place on cornelia street and the owner came outside and thought she was taylor and offered her a personal exclusive tour because of that (and then she filmed every square inch of this person’s home??).

it later came out that the person who lives there, alan, will literally just invite taylor swift fans in to look around if they ask.. which she did. when she first became popular on tiktok, she told people that she was not a swiftie and didn’t really know her songs, at another time she said she really didn’t like taylor swift, then she said she liked a few songs, now she claims that she’s been a fan since 2006, which like, again, not that deep, just painting an image for how much she lies. one of her more consequential lying moments was when she liked several comments in support of blue lives matter and calling her the republican taylor swift as well as confirming her (right) political leaning, and then stated that that never happened. it is a known fact that ashley voted for trump twice, she confirmed that herself and then backtracked once she got popular. she claims that she doesn’t like being compared to taylor and doesn’t believe she resembles her, but she deletes comments that say that she doesn’t look like taylor and blocks people who say that she doesn’t really resemble taylor; and she often doubles down on this ‘not an impersonator’ thing but she has a cameo where you can buy a video message from, you guessed it, a ‘taylor swift impersonator’.

SO, into the weird copying of taylor swift and how deep it goes. we’ve all seen the run of the mill taylor lookalike girls who can just style their blonde hair however she does it currently and maybe throw on some red lipstick and boom, everyone says they look just like her. that’s not what ashley does, by a long shot. while ashley did begin with that, she then began to intentionally take on many aspects of taylor’s life and mannerisms. dressing like her, mimicking her voice and how she talks, adopting the unique way that taylor holds pencils and makeup brushes. she has bought two scottish fold cats, a white one that she named oliver and a grey/white one that she named after a grey’s anatomy character (familiar pair?). at this point, a lot of people believe that she’s gotten veneers that resemble taylor’s teeth and filler in her face to better imitate taylor’s face but i’m not really an expert on either of those, but i’ll share some before and after pictures of how she looked prior to this.. journey of unself discovery she’s on vs how she looks now that she has decided that instead of being ashley, she would rather be taylor swift.

this week, ashley came under fire because she had said that she had partnered with the grammys as an influencer and was apparently meant to walk the red carpet.. for some reason. anyway, the brand that she was dealing with had her pay to fly herself to LA and everything and then let her know that they were disinviting her for very vague reasons which at this time are still pretty unknown. i believe the response from the brand, sweetyhigh, was that they hadn’t saved a ticket for her, which just sounds.. idk. BUT ANYWAY. much to everyone’s amusement, ashley was liking comments from people tagging taylor and asking her to fix it, and ashley reached out to the ceo of the grammys personally and inquired about it and was more or less ghosted. a lot of people believe that taylor and/or tree heard that ashley was coming and axed it for obvious reasons, others believe that she was meant to be on the fan panel but cut from it because they realized she was actually maybe kind of not the type of fan they were looking for, theories abound right now and i’m personally of the opinion that taylor’s camp didn’t want her there and told the brand she was with not to bring her.

TL;DR noitisashley13 is a tiktoker who is trying to wear taylor’s skin like a suit, she’s a very chronic liar, also an anti mask and anti vax trump supporter

#ur welcome everyone #my brain has been so warped by the amount of time i spend on tiktok and esp swiftok

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dbnightingale24 · 1 year

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A Dream Worth Chasing

Part two to ‘You’ve Always Been My Dream’

Okay, so I’m fucking annoyed because I just spent an hour editing all of this, just so Tumblr could fuck me over. ANYWAY, this is part two to ‘You’ve Always Been My Dream’. Thank you @fuckingbye for making such an amazing mood board, but also being an amazing wedding planner, and an amazing friend. I love you so much. Thank you all so much for your patience, there's so much going on right now. Okay, I hope you all enjoy it!!

Word Count: 35,640 (be proud of me please)

Warnings: SMUT (so much), MINORS DNI, Angst, Swearing, Age kink, Family drama, lying, drinking, FLUFF, Arguing, Drinking, Oral (m/ receiving) (f/ receiving), Degrade kink, Daddy kink, Unprotected sex (reader is on birth control but it’s nit mentioned), Anxiety, Lying, Cheating (I guess), and more shit I’m sure I forgot

Song(s) That Inspired This Chapter: Whatever you do, don’t tell anyone

Summary: You and Andy just can’t quit one another, so you’re both done trying. However, your new found love means that you now have friction with your best friend. How the hell are you two supposed to tell Jacob that you’re in love with one another?

I do not give consent/permission for my stories/works to be posted elsewhere. I do not condone this type of behavior, this is for entertainment purposes only.

Part 1

“Why didn’t you answer me?” Laurie asks as she makes her into the bedroom.

“I think it’s pretty obvious that I was sleeping,” Andy scoffs and you hear his feet shuffling around the bedroom.

After quickly making sure you had everything (except the panties Andy ripped off of you because he refuses to give them back), you ran into Jacob’s room just in time. Now, you have the privilege of hearing them going back and forth.

“I called you-”

“Laurie, my phone is downstairs. I don’t feel like going back and forth with you, especially when I’m just waking up, so I’m not fucking going to.”

“You spent the night with her and expect-”

“Her being in the same house as me while sleeping doesn’t mean we fucking spent the night together.”

“You had no problem telling her to stay!”

“Would you have preferred that she drive in that shit and crash into a fucking pole? You saw the same fucking storm I did, it was a shit show! It’s not her fault that Jacob didn’t show up, so leave her alone!”

“Andy-”

“She means nothing to me, Laurie. I barely fucking know her, so just drop it!” he snaps.

You know why he’s saying it, but it doesn’t stop it from hurting any less. It doesn’t help that, less than 24 hours ago, you gave yourself to him completely.

You don’t want to be mad, but you’re fucking pissed.

“I don’t mean to start an argument, Andy. I just wasn’t expecting...I did something for us,” Laurie beams.

“What?”

What?

“I booked us two tickets-”

“Don’t even finish that statement. You know I can’t just randomly take off from work-”

“We used to go on spontaneous trips all the time!”

“Things change and I can’t-”

“Hello!?” Jacob calls from downstairs, reminding you that you need to finish getting dressed.

“Hey bud!” Andy responds and you roll your eyes.

You’ve been awake for all of 20 minutes and you already have a fucking headache.

“Y/N, are you up?” Jacob asks as he knocks on the door to his bedroom, “I’ve-we’ve got news for you!”

“Jesus, are you two pregnant?” you laugh awkwardly as you open the bedroom door.

“No, not yet,” Jacob laughs “we got the place! Took longer than we wanted, but we got the place we wanted!”

“That’s amazing! Jake, I’m so damn happy for you!” you smile as you wrap him in a hug. “You too, Sarah!” you beam as you let go of him and wrap her in a hug just as tight.

As you two break apart, you can tell by the look on her face that she knows something is wrong.

“Hey, what is this I hear about you getting a place?” Andy bellows as he walks out of his bedroom with just his pajama pants on.

Gorgeous asshole.

“Yeah, we got the call last night at around...7? Sarah’s parents knew before you guys,” Jacob laughs as he goes to give Andy a hug.

“I’m so happy for the both of you!”

“Jesus Andy, what the hell happened to your back?” Laurie questions as she lightly traces her hand over his back.

It’s taking all the strength you have to not face palm yourself.

“What do you mean?” Andy asks, avoiding looking at you as if his life depends on it.

“Your back is covered in marks!”

“I mean I used that back scratch thing you got me-”

“If these are the results, never use it again,” she mutters.

“We should all go out to celebrate,” Jacob suggests and it’s obvious he just wants to get the fuck out of the house.

“Oh, I at least need to shower,” you laugh awkwardly as rub you the back of your neck.

“You can shower here!”

“I don’t wanna wear the same clothes two days in a row. How about we do dinner? That gives everyone time to get ready,” you suggest, thinking it’s the best way to end the most cringe worthy conversation you’ve ever had in your life.

“Dinner is actually a great idea! It gives your father and I enough time to set a reservation and everything,” Laurie squeals, and it pisses you off that you’ve done something to make her happy.

“Sushi?” Sarah smiles, noticing your anxious state.

“If we’re not paying, I don’t care,” Jacob laughs as he wraps his arms around her.

“Tonight is on us, I promise,” Laurie laughs as she takes Andy’s hand in hers.

You want to throw up.

“How does six sound?” you ask as you step into your Vans.

“Six is perfect!”

“Six it is,” you smile at everyone “I’m gonna head out!”

You take your time going down the steps, but the minute you’re outside, you’re practically running to your car.

What the fuck?!

How the hell did everything go so wrong so fast? One minute you’re in heaven with the man of your dreams, the next you’re listening to him lie to his wife about how you mean nothing to him.

Fucking alcohol.

The entire drive back to your place, your phone won’t stop buzzing and you know it’s Andy. You know you shouldn’t be mad at him, and you know he didn’t mean it, but that doesn’t stop the stinging those words left. By the time you’re back at your place, your headache has evolved into a migraine. You finally look at your phone and you have eight unread texts from Andy and two from Sarah.

Babydoll: Okay, what the fuck was that about?

Babydoll: I knew it! I fucking knew it! I knew you two were gonna fuck last night!

Y/N: Please don’t say anything to Jake.

Babydoll: What the fuck happened?!

Y/N: Sleepover tonight? I need a minute to fucking decompress because what the fuck?!

Babydoll: WHAT THE FUCK?!

Y/N: Ugh, we’ll talk about it tonight, just...idk, act normal.

Babydoll: I swear to fuck, you two.

Y/N: Imagine how the fuck I feel.

You take a deep breath before getting out of your conversation with Sarah, and tapping on the text conversation between you and Andy.

My Heart: I am so fucking sorry, sweetheart.

My Heart: It hurt me to say it, but you know I didn’t mean it.

My Heart: Nothing has changed. I love you so much and I want nothing more than to be with you. I will be with you, I promise.

My Heart: Honey, please don’t be mad at me. I just fucking panicked.

My Heart: Just call me when you’re home, okay? Or let me know, and I’ll come over.

My Heart: I just don’t want this to be over as quickly as it started.

My Heart: You know you mean the world to me, please don’t take it to heart.

My Heart: I love you.

Y/N: I can’t talk to you right now, Andy.

My Heart: Please, just call me or let me see you. I don’t want our first argument to be about this.

Y/N: Andy, I can’t fucking do this right now.

My Heart: Well, when can you?

Y/N: I don’t fucking know, Andy! I’m not the one who said that you mean nothing to me!

My Heart: Please, even if it’s just for a moment, just let me plead my case in person!

Y/N: I really just can’t fucking do this right now. I need to lay down and I need to think.

My Heart: Please don’t change your mind, sweetheart. There’s so much that you still just don’t know yet.

Y/N: I’ll see you later, Andy.

You plop down on your bed and try to calm your emotions, but you can’t. You really shouldn’t be mad at him, because what else was he supposed to do? If Jacob wasn’t in the picture, you’re more than sure he would’ve been fine with telling Laurie the truth, but the fact of the matter is that you both would never want for Jacob to find out that way.

Still, he didn’t have to say that.

You know he feels terrible and he probably felt guilty right after he said it, but it still hurt. The one person who means the world to you and made you feel like the center of his universe, said out loud that you mean nothing to him. Yeah, it was a lie, but it still hurt like a bitch. In that moment, it felt like he was treating you like everyone else in your life had. Your parents, your so called “friends”, all of the guys you had dated...trauma is a son of a bitch.

As you toss and turn, trying to find some peace of mind and get some rest, your mind can’t stop going over last night. The more you keep trying to tell yourself that it was just sex, the more you know it’s all bullshit. No, it wasn’t traditional love making, but you felt his passion in every thrust. You felt his desire in every kiss, you saw the love in his eyes, and you felt care in his every touch.

Andy wasn’t trying to play you for a fool, and you know that in your heart of hearts, Andy’s love for you is just as genuine as yours is for his. So why can’t you just get the fuck over it? You know he didn’t mean it, so why isn’t it enough to just let it go and pretend you didn’t hear it?

Because he’s everything to you.

Nonetheless, by the time five o’clock rolls around, you’re dragging your feet about getting ready. You take the longest shower you’ve probably ever taken in your life, and you take your time picking out your outfit. Yeah, Andy’s sorry and feels like shit, but you still decide that torturing him all through dinner is your best move. It’s getting closer to summer, so the weather is nice enough that you can dress in something that’ll make him salivate.

You decide on one of your more flirty white crop tops, and your light blue denim jean shorts that hug your ass perfectly. Seeing as you just got a mani and a pedi last week, it’s only fair that you wear your favorite pair of open toed white sandals. Yes, it’s petty and unnecessary, but if he’s going to pretend that you mean nothing to him, why shouldn’t you pretend that he means nothing to you?

It’s childish, but fuck all if you aren’t tired of being made to feel like shit by those who mean the most to you.

You park right next to Laurie’s car when you pull up to the restaurant and fight the urge to key her car when you get out, telling yourself that would be taking it too far and she isn’t worth it.

“I love that shirt!” Sarah beams as you make your way over to the table where everyone is seated.

Andy looks up at you and almost chokes on his drink.

Good.

“I figured I’d finally pull something out of my closet that’s appropriate for the season. The weather is finally nice enough,” you chuckle as you take a seat, “did I miss anything?”

“The waitress took drink orders, so I got you a whiskey neat,” Jake shrugs, not even bothering to look up from his menu.

“You know me so well. So, tell me all about the new place!”

“It’s gorgeous!” Sarah squeals. “It’s a two bedroom, it’s not far from where Jacob is gonna start working after graduation, it’s only 20 minutes from my job, it’s not far from you at all, and it feels like home as soon as you step inside! You’re gonna help us move in, right?”

“Of course, I wouldn’t miss it!”

“You sure you won’t get cold in that shirt?” Laurie asks with a small laugh, but the look in her eyes lets you know that she’s pissed.

“Well, it’s 72 degrees outside, so I think I’ll be okay,” you smile softly.

“Leave her alone, Laurie. She’s a gorgeous young woman, let her take advantage of the nice weather. Especially after that shit show of a storm we had last night.”

Now it was Sarah’s the one chocking on her drink.

“Yeah, what the hell was that? That was insane!” Jacob laughs incredulously, completely oblivious to the tension.

As usual.

“I owe you a new bottle of whiskey,” you laugh, looking down at your menu, realizing that you don’t have a clue as to what you’re gonna eat.

“No, it’s my fault. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s really not a big deal. You didn’t know it was gonna happen. Besides, I had fun,” you smirk, and you see Sarah’s eyes go wide from the corner of your eye.

“What did you get into?” Laurie questions, trying to hide the alarm in her tone.

“Played some of Jacob’s games, watched some movies on TCM, and had small talk with Mr. Barber when I went downstairs to get myself another drink.”

“Oh? What about?”

“What it’s like to be satisfied after living a life where you haven’t been.”

“What are you satisfied about?”

“Work is finally going the way I want it to,” you lie with a pleasant smile, before looking up at Laurie.

“Has anyone been able to figure out what they want? Everything sounds amazing and I love sushi too much,” Sarah laughs awkwardly, and the look on Andy’s face lets you know that he’s trying his best to contain his amused his smirk.

“I’m pretty sure I know what I’m getting. Y/N?” Jacob questions looking over to you.

“Well, I’m definitely gonna have the pork goyza for for my appetizer, but I’m on the fence about what I want as my main course.”

“What are you stuck between?” Andy asks with a smile that makes you weak.

“The spicy salmon maki and the tempura maki.”

“I’m having the same issue,” he chuckles.

“How about I get the spicy salmon, you get the tempura maki, and we’ll split it?”

“Sounds good.”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Jacob interrupts “you’re my splitting food buddy!”

“We can still split fried handmade spring rolls.”

“Alright, then you and my dad can split whatever, I don’t care,” he smiles as he closes the menu and you shake your head. “How about you mom?”

“How about me what?” she smiles, finally turning her attention from you to Jacob.

“What are you gonna get?”

“Oh, pad thai. As always,” she shrugs.

As the evening goes on, you truly wonder how Jacob has no clue what’s going on. Laurie glares at you on and off, Andy is doing all he can not to look at you, Sarah is doing her best to pretend she doesn’t have a clue as to why there’s so much tension, you barely look at Andy or Laurie, and then there’s Jacob.

So completely ignorant to everything that’s going on, and you envy him so much. They really weren’t lying when they said that ignorance is bliss. However, this also makes you wonder how the hell you’re gonna tell him about you and Andy.

Is there even anything to tell?

Of course there is. It’s one argument and Andy didn’t even mean it. But still. Can he handle it? Can you handle it? Your heart has never burned for anyone before, and Andy is all you’ve ever wanted and more, but will he still want you once everything comes out? Will he be willing and ready to to handle the shit show that’s bound to take place when Laurie loses her shit? Is he ready to argue with Jacob? Handle Jacob not wanting to talk to him?

Will he still truly love you?

By the time everyone is finished with dinner, you have a migraine.

“Can we get separate checks?” you ask the waitress as she comes to collect the empty plates.

“Oh no! This is on Andy and myself!” Laurie exclaims with a false smile.

The last thing you want is a fucking handout from Laurie Barber.

God, it fucking sucks that they still share a last name.

“No, it’s perfectly fine. This was to celebrate Sarah and Jacob. I’m fine to cover my end,” you smile at her before turning your attention to the waitress, “my drinks and what I ordered can go on a separate bill.”

She only smiles and nods before walking off.

“I feel awful,” Laurie chuckles.

“It’s perfectly fine. I got a raise, so it’s actually affordable.”

“You got a raise?!” Jacob exclaims.

“It’s a recent development.”

“Why do I feel like I never know what’s going on in your life?”

“Because I never know what’s going in my life.”

“Anything else I should know about?” he asks with a small laugh.

Oh Jacob, there’s so much more you need to know.

“I think we’re all caught up,” you lie with a plastic smile as the waitress returns with the checks.

You’ve never been more excited to get out a place so fast.

“Alright, we’re moving the beginning of next month, you sure you’ll be able to help out?” Jacob asks as all of you stand in front of your car.

“I don’t care if I just have to pull a no-call/no-show, I’m going to be there. This is a huge step and I’m more than happy to be there for you!”

“You’re the best friend I could ever ask for,” Jacob smiles as he engulfs you in a tight hug.

You hate keeping all of this a secret from him.

“I’ll text you all of the information later, okay?”

“Sounds good to me,” you smile at him as you force yourself to hold back tears.

You’ve never lied to Jacob, and a lie this big feels like the worst betrayal in the world. But how do you tell him? How do you make him understand?

You get into your car and quickly start it before almost speeding off. The entire drive you’re at war with yourself, because for as terrible as you feel, it’s not enough to make you want to stop. It’s not enough to pull you away from Andy. It’s not enough to convince you that all of this is a bad idea. In fact, you’re not sure if anything is capable of making you feel that way. Andy has been the center of your universe since you two spent that night eating ice cream on the hood of his car, and it’s only grown over time. For as much as you’re terrified of what’s to come, it’s not enough to make you quit on the both of you.

It’s not enough to make you stop loving him.

The second you step foot back inside your apartment, you kick off your shoes and make yourself a drink.Yes, they’re better ways to handle the situation, but you aren’t interested in any of that right now. You just want Andy and you want to be numb.

You’re alone for an hour before you hear, “bitch, open up! We gotta talk!”

You can’t help but giggle as you make your way over to the door and open it, “took you long enough.”

“What the fuck was that?!” Sarah exclaims as she makes her way inside your apartment. “You two are insanely cute, but in front of Laurie?! What the fuck?!”

“I don’t understand what the hell that was either.”

“Okay, lets rewind. What the hell happened last night?” Sarah asks as she makes her own drink.

“Well, when I got there yesterday, I saw Andy’s car but no one answered when I called out, so I assumed I was alone. When I woke up and discovered that not only was I not seeing you and Jacob, but also wouldn’t be able to leave, I put on Jacob’s hoodie, and finished off his whiskey. I wanted to get drunk so I could go to bed, so I went downstairs, without pants, to steal a bottle.”

“Ah shit.”

“And guess who was sitting in the dark, drunk, and watching the Turner Classic Movies channel?”

“Jacob said Mr. Barber’s been into black and white films a lot lately. Wait, why weren’t you wearing pants?”

“I thought I was alone and don’t like sleeping in pants when I’m alone.”

“That’s fair, so what happened?”

“He asked why I came downstairs and I told him that I was gonna grab a glass and a bottle of something to drink, and he told me to grab a glass and have a seat with him.”

“You didn’t think to put on pants?”

“When I said I would, he told me it’s nothing he hasn’t seen before.”

“Come again?!”

You sigh as you get up, going into your bedroom and grabbing the picture he gifted you on Christmas,

“He came by on Christmas and left this and a key chain gifted in front of my door. When he was back in his car, he called me and we talked for a bit. I sat in my window sill,” you nod over to the window, “and I wasn’t wearing any pants. Nothing had happened at that point.”

“When did you two take this photo? You both look so happy,” she smiles softly.

“We used to go on late night drives together. When he couldn’t sleep, he would pick me up and we’d hangout. Sometimes we’d just drive around and talk, other times we’d get food. That was a selfie I took of us the first time we hung out. We got ice cream at 2am and stayed up till the sun came up. That was the night I realized that I’m in love with him,” you finish in almost a whisper as you tear a little.

“Y/N-”

“Anyway,” you interrupt as you clear your throat “that’s what he meant. I grabbed a glass and sat down next to him and he vented. Apparently, Laurie had a full blown affair the first time she cheated. The guy would buy her flowers, take her on dates, get them hotel rooms, they fucked quite a lot...it was a whole thing. However, when she came clean to Andy, he forgave her cause he wanted to make it work. Then, a few months ago, maybe a year at this point I’m not too sure, she cheated again because he didn’t answer his phone and she got all pissy. So, that’s why he started yelling about a divorce that night you told me Jacob told you about-”

“Hold the fuck up! She did what?! And she’s treating you like shit?! You and Mr. Barber?! JACOB DOESN’T EVEN KNOW ABOUT THIS BECAUSE BOTH OF YOU ARE WAY NICER THAN SHE DESERVES, BUT SHE’S GONNA GIVE YOU BOTH A HARD TIME?! WHAT THE FUCK?!”

“Yeah, that’s only part of what I’m feeling,” you scoff, finishing off your drink and pouring yourself another. “So, I started to tell him that I was sorry and he told me I had no reason to be sorry. He told me how much he loves me, how much he wants to be with me and he doesn’t understand why we can’t be...when I went to tell me to stop, he told me to get on his lap...I couldn’t have stayed away if I had tried. It doesn’t help that I’ve craved nothing but his touch since the last time we made out-”

“Back the fuck up, you two did what now?!”

“The night I bailed on you guys because I was fed up with my day, I went to a club and Andy was there with his friends, because Laurie wanted him out of the house since I was supposed to be there. He begged me to let him take me home, because he couldn’t stand to see me leave with another man. We got to my place, things were said, he brought me upstairs and as he was about to leave, I grabbed him and kissed him. We made out for all of 5 minutes before he stopped it. He felt bad because I was drunk and he said it felt like he was taking advantage of me.”

“You kissed him!”

“That’s what I said, but he said it didn’t matter. Anyway, last night...we fucked around a little on the sofa, then we went upstairs and into his bedroom and...,” you trail off and a small smile comes to your face at the memory.

“Okay, I know I shouldn’t ask because he’s my boyfriend’s dad, but you gotta tell me,” she giggles and you burst out laughing.

“Not exaggerating, the best I’ve ever had. I swear to God, that man worked my body like a fucking fiddle! He’s not selfish, he’s skilled with every part of his body, he takes his time....last night was a fucking dream, and after...he was so fucking sweet and gentle. He was reassuring and held me so close, like he was afraid I wouldn’t be there in the morning.”

“That’s so fucking sweet,” Sarah smiles, curling her legs up on the sofa.

“It was, then morning came,” you scowled.

“What happened this morning?”

“Well, he woke me up and got me all worked up, and we had just started when Laurie came home. I’ve never gotten of bed so fucking fast in my life. I ran across the hall naked, holding onto Jacob’s hoodie and my bra as if my life depended on it and-”

“What about your panties?!”

“I didn’t get those back,” you chuckle with a smirk.

“I swear to God, you two are meant for each other,” she laughs and you laugh softly with her.

“So, I get to Jacob’s room and start getting dressed fast as fuck, because for whatever reason, I was afraid she’d walk in. Anyway, she gets upstairs and starts laying into Andy about why he didn’t answer his phone, why did he let me stay over, why he’s naked, and she wouldn’t let up. Eventually, Andy got fed up and said that I mean nothing to him and she needs to drop it.”

“I mean, I get why he said it, but he definitely could’ve said something else.”

“My fucking sentiments exactly. I guess tonight he was trying to show me how sorry he truly was, and of course, Jacob was completely oblivious to all of it. I just don’t know.”

“Babe, I know it hurt, but we both know he didn’t mean it.”

“It’s just triggering, because it’s always me that ends up getting hurt. I know Andy isn’t a bad guy, and I know he’d never purposely hurt me, but the fear is still there and hearing him say that...it just triggered all of my insecurities and fears. Will he love me enough to stay if Jacob gets mad about us? Will he stay when Laurie gets mad and turns the town against us? Will he be ashamed when the town turns up their noses up at us? Yeah, he says no, but a lot of people have told me a lot of things,” you sniffle as you dry your eyes.

“Oh sweetie,” Sarah sighs as she moves closer to you and wraps you in a tight hug, “this isn’t anything like those other times. He’s not your parents, he’s not Mr. Fucking Matthews, and he isn’t like any of those other assholes you dated.”

“I just don’t know,” you sob.

“It’s gonna be okay, babe. You’ll see,” she promises gently as she strokes your back.

Sarah’s words roll around in your head as she tries to calm you down, and you know she’s making perfectly good sense, but everything happened so fast today...you just can’t quiet the fear.

As you cry into Sarah’s shoulder, you wonder if the fear will ever pass or if it’ll live loudly inside of you forever.

You wonder if you’ll ever feel like you’re good enough for Andy Barber.

Andy’s P.O.V

“She’s gorgeous, Andy? Really? You didn’t even try and hide the fact that you were flirting with her!” Laurie barks as I take some clothes out of my drawer.

“You believe whatever you want, I truly don’t give a damn.”

“And you said nothing happened last night! I wouldn’t count a fucking conversation as nothing!”

“I suppose I could’ve taken her to a hotel, fucked her all night, come creeping back in early in the morning, then lie to your face about where I’ve been all night!”

“Andy, it’s like you two were on your own little date!”

“I can’t help the fact that you hate her, Laurie. That’s something you need to work out in your own time,” I sigh, fed up with lying.

I don’t want to hide you, or us. I don’t want to say things that’ll hurt you or draw attention to us, I sure as shit don’t wanna sneak around, and I don’t ever want to make you feel less than.

How could I fucking say that?

‘She means nothing to me.’

Of all the fucking things to say, I had to go and say that. You’re good at masking your facial features, but your eyes said it all: my words cut you right to your core. You didn’t even want to talk to me, and I can’t find any fault with that. After so many other people have said one thing and done another, I had to go and sound like another asshole.

Fuck, everything was so perfect, then fucked up almost instantly. Fucked up because of my inability to think fast, which is saying something, cause I’m a fucking lawyer.

“Are you even listening to me, Andy?” Laurie sighs, putting her hands on her hips.

“No. Listen, I don’t feel like doing this tonight, so I’m not going to.”

“Andy, please-”

“Laurie, I’m gonna be out late and I’ll be sleeping on the sofa when I get back. I’m gonna start packing tomorrow. Make this easier for the both of us and just sign the damn papers. I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this with you.”

“There’s still so much more-”

“There’s nothing left for us, Laurie. Do whatever you need to, to deal with that, but you do need to finally accept and deal with it.”

I hear her breakdown and start to cry as I turn to leave, and while I feel bad for being so blunt with her, I don’t know how else to approach this anymore. I’m through with keeping you on the sidelines, and I’m done trying to keep Laurie happy.

You are my main concern now. You are the only one I’m concerned with keeping happy, and I’m ready to do whatever I need to do to prove it to you.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

“How have I never heard this album before?” Sarah asks, drink in hand, as she drunkenly dances around to ‘Tony Adams’ by Joe Strummer and the Mescaleros.

“You can’t always be cooler than me,” you tease before getting up, grabbing your cup, and making your way into your kitchen, “do we wanna eat?”

“When don’t we wanna eat?” she laughs.

“That’s a very good point,” you murmur, opening the door and seeing what you have available to you. “How about-”

You’re interrupted by a knock on door.

“Probably Jacob feeling left out,” you giggle to yourself as you open your door. “Oh.”

Andy doesn’t say a word, he just wraps his arms around you, pulls you close, and kisses you like he hasn’t seen you in decades. Your only response is to wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him back.

For as hurt as you are, you’ll never turn down a soul stirring kiss from Andy. Whether that’s a good or bad thing, you’re not sure yet, but right now, you just don’t care.

“You’re drunk again,” Andy breathes once you two break apart.

“I told you I have a tendency to drink too much at times,” you mumble, still in a daze from his kiss.

“I don’t like you drinking to solve your problems. Especially when you’re alone.”

“Oh, I’m not alone,” you laugh softly, moving your head to the side so he can see Sarah standing in your living area.

“Hey there, Mr. Barber,” she chuckles.

“Oh...hey, Sarah,” he greets awkwardly and you can’t help but laugh.

“Don’t worry, I’ll go watch YouTube videos in Y/N’s room. You two lovebirds workout whatever is wrong,” she hums before practically running to your bedroom and closing the door behind her.

“I’m sorry.”

“Andy-”

“No, you don’t know how much I regretted it as soon as I said it. I didn’t mean a word of it. You mean everything and I’m so sorry I hurt you like that.”

“It’s fine.”

“No it’s not, so don’t pretend that it is. Don’t lie to me.”

“She’s your wife,” you scoff as you let him go.

“Don’t. Don’t act like it’s something I want.”

“She still hasn’t signed. Lets move you out of the doorway, I don’t need anyone seeing me be a man stealing whore,” you mutter, breaking out of his hold and stepping to the side so he can come in.

“Should I just come back when you’re sober?”

“You should come back when you’re divorced.”

“Honey, there’s just so much more you don’t know.”

“Did she sign the papers?”

“Honey-”

“Did she sign the fucking papers, Andy?!” you snap, slamming your hand down on the kitchen island.

“I’m trying.”

“Okay.”

“I want to be with you! I want to be out in the open with you! Give me the okay and I’ll go back to that house right now and tell her everything! I’ll tell her that I’ve been in love with you since I helped you move into this loft, I’ll tell her that we made love last night, I’ll tell her that I’ve never felt so strongly as for anyone as I do for you! Give me the okay and I’ll do it!”

“You can just do that to Jacob?”

“He’s an adult-”

“He’s your son!”

“He’ll get over it!”

“Why are you here?!”

“Because I love you! I am so in love with you and I...last night, I wasn’t saying a bunch of words to get you into bed. I meant everything-”

“But your first thought to respond with was ‘she means nothing to me’?”

“I panicked!”

“Andy, I love you, but I really don’t have the energy to jerked around-”

“We can do this. It’s messy and it’s fucked up, but we’ll figure out a way to tell Jacob and we’ll be together. I told you, I don’t give a fuck about what anyone in this town has to say and I don’t give a fuck how Laurie feels. I just want you, sweetheart. I told you that you’ve always been my dream and that wasn’t bullshit. You’re a dream worth chasing and I’m gonna chase you until we’re a reality.”

“Andy...”

“I love you, Y/N. I’ll do everything in my power to prove to you that this is real.”

“You can’t stay here tonight,” you sniffle, trying to hide your tears, “Sarah’s staying here.”

“I had a feeling,” he laughs “lets do lunch tomorrow?”

“We’ll figure-”

“Y/N, I know you and Sarah are having girl’s night or whatever, but I need to talk to you!” Jacob calls from the other side of your door.

“For fucks sake, is my place just the place to be tonight?!” you mutter furiously as Andy chuckles softly and Sarah runs out of your bedroom.

“Time for us to trade places, bud,” Sarah awkwardly smiles as she ushers Andy into your bedroom.

“Where’s your key?” you question, trying to sound as normal as possible, getting yourself together.

“I don’t know, it was on my nightstand and now it isn’t, can you open up?”

“Babe, give us a second, you’re catching us mid-concert,” Sarah responds with a faux laugh, looking at you with concerned eyes.

You give her a small nod as she draws a deep breath before opening the door.

“Someone’s impatient,” she chuckles as she steps aside, letting him in.

“I don’t mean to be a dick, and I tried to wait, but I just needed to talk about it. Was tonight weird to anyone besides me?”

“Weird how?” you ask while making him a drink.

“My parents were more socially awkward than usual. My dad calling you gorgeous? What the fuck was that?”

“Why was that weird?”

“Don’t start that. You know you looked great, but my dad isn’t like every other old pervert in this town.”

“Your dad isn’t old, Jacob,” you scowl as you grab your glass, pouring yourself a drink.

“I know guys his age are more your style, but to me, he’s old. Plus, he and my mom got into a pretty loud screaming match before he stormed out.”

“What about?”

“I don’t know, I sat out on the porch and drank a beer. I think all of this is starting to take a toll on my him,” he huffs as he takes a seat at the kitchen island, sipping on his drink.

“I’m sure he’s doing his best to sort things out,” you sigh as you sit across from him.

“Should I say something to him?”

“Have you spoken to him at all about how you feel?”

“No. He’s been so calm and collected about all of this, but he went out of his way to hurt my mom tonight and that’s not him at all. I’ll talk to both of them separately.”

“How did he go out of his way to hurt her?”

“The comment about you being gorgeous, you two bonding over fucking food, the little jokes.”

“Why does that mean he went out of his way to hurt her? Andy and I just have a lot in common!”

“Andy?”

“Jacob, it’s late and I’ve been drinking. I’m not about to be formal every five seconds, it’s just us three.”

“You don’t think it was a little weird?”

“I mean, I think your dad is hot, so no,” you shrug as Sarah chokes on her drink.

“You know what you don’t need to tell me?”

“You asked.”

“That’s the last thing I need; my dad having a mental fucking breakdown and start dating someone my age.”

“I’ll drop off an application.”

“Please stop,” he groans as he lays his head on the table.

“Well Jacob, what exactly are you expecting him to do? Get divorced and be alone for the rest of his life?”

“No, I just...I’ve been thinking about it a lot these past few days. I want them to divorce, it’ll be best for him, but I don’t...it’s always been the three of us. Whether it was healthy or not, it’s the only family I’ve known, and we’ve been through hell and back. I don’t know if I’ll ever accept either of them having anyone else in their lives, but I want him to be happy. I want them both to be happy,” he finishes with a heavy sigh.

How the hell are you and Andy supposed to tell him now?

“If he settled down with someone younger, would it really be so bad?” you ask timidly, terrified of the answer.

“It wouldn’t be my first or second choice, but it wouldn’t be awful. If he’s truly happy, I won’t care,” he mutters softly with a frustrated sigh, finishing off his drink.

You force yourself to swallow down the lump in your throat. You blink away tears trying to accept that if you pursue a relationship with Andy, it may be the end of your friendship with Jacob.

“Guess we’ll just have to see how it all plays out,” you shrug with a meager smile.

“What should I even start off with?”

“Just tell them how you feel, separately, of course.Yeah, you’re moving out, but they’re still your parents, and it’s taking a toll on you. You can tell it’s taking a toll on them. You need them to get it together.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

He takes a deep breath before rubbing the back of his neck and standing up. You can feel the heaviness he’s trying to ignore, and you’re torn because you don’t want to cause him anymore stress and frustration; but you just love Andy so damn much.

Why does all of this have to be so damn complicated?

“I’ll let you guys get back to your night, keep an eye on her,” Jacob chuckles with a nod towards Sarah, who flips him off in return. “I love you both, talk to you later.”

You start crying the second he’s out the door.

“He’ll come around,” Andy coos softly as he steps out of your room.

“He’s gonna fucking hate me!”

“No, he’s really not,” Sarah tries to reassure you, occupying the seat that Jacob was in. “He’ll throw a hissy fit, probably won’t talk to you for a month or two, and then he’ll apologize and ask to talk it out. He’s emotional, not a complete idiot.”

“You both heard him! He said-”

“He said as long as I’m truly happy, he’ll accept it. Listen to me, honey,” Andy starts, gently pulling you out of your seat and wrapping his arms around you, pulling you close. “This isn’t a breakdown or some sort of crisis. I love you. I am so insanely in love with you to the point that it terrifies me because I’ve never felt this way about anyone. I don’t want to fuck this up, I don’t want you to get hurt, and I don’t want you to quit on us. We both did our best to avoid this, but it was pointless because look where we are. I’m so happy when I’m with you, and for once, life makes sense. You are worth everything to me and I will be with you. It won’t be a secret and it’ll work out fine.”

“Jacob-”

“I’ll deal with Jake, don’t worry about it. I’ll figure out a way to get Laurie to sign those damn papers, and then I’ll tell him-”

“We’re in this together, Andy. We’ll tell him together. If we’re gonna do this, really do this, we should do it together.”

“Are you sure?”

“I can’t leave you to face all the hard shit alone. That’s not how relationships work, well not how a healthy one works. I wanna be all in with you. Even the hard stuff.”

“You two,” Sarah whispers with a grin as her eyes start to water.

“Shut up,” you scoff, drying your own eyes.

“Sarah, I’m sorry you’re in the middle of all this-”

“It’s fine, Mr. Barber. You both deserve a win and I’m happy you two have each other. I’m more than happy to keep my mouth shut until you guys figure it out.”

“Thank you,” Andy smiles with a nod before turning his attention to you. “Are you okay?”

“No.”

“Honey-”

“It’s just going to take some adjusting. All of this is about to get a lot harder before it gets easier and...not every day is going to be amazing. It is what it is, whatever.”

“Don’t make plans next weekend, okay?”

“What? Why not?”

“Just trust me. Please don’t make any plans.”

“Well...okay then.”

“I’m gonna get out of here, I love you, Y/N. I love you so much. Please...don’t change your mind, okay?”

“We’re in it now, so where else is there to go?” you chuckle softly. “I love you too, Andy. Let me know when you’re safe.”

“I always do,” he smiles before kissing your forehead.

He nods towards Sarah before turning and making his way out. Just like that, you feel alone all over again.

“I know I probably shouldn’t be rooting for you two, but you two are just so fucking cute!”

“Sarah,” you scowl and laugh as you get up to make yourself another drink.

“Okay, I gotta ask, what’s the draw? Obviously, it’s not lost on anyone that he’s fucking fine, but what makes him worth...everything?”

“I’m safe with him,” you shrug. “When I’m with Andy, I’m home. My brain never shuts off and it’s always so fucking loud, but with Andy...I’m so calm. Nothing is scary, stressful, or tiring. When I’m with him, I just feel light. Yeah, the one time we had sex was amazing, but it’s so much more than a physical desire. It always has been. We’ve been on so many car rides, had so many conversations, helped each other cope with so much...he just knows me. He gets me, ya know? He’s my home.”

“God, I’m so fucking jealous of you,” she scoffs as she scarfs down her drink.

“What? Why?”

“I want Jacob to feel the same way about me. I want us to have what you and Andy have.”

“Sarah, stop it. You know Jacob is head over heels-”

“I own half his heart, babe,” she smiles softly, getting up and making her way over to the counter to make another drink.

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, come on. You can’t tell me that you don’t know.”

“Sarah, what the fuck are you talking about?”

“Jacob is in love with you.”

“Stop it! That’s horseshit and you know it!”

“Do you know how many times I’ve tried to talk myself into believing that? It’s infuriating at times, because I know you have no interest in him, but I see it in him. I see it, how he looks at you, the way he always comes to you for council; like he did tonight-”

“Sarah, there is no one on this planet that Jacob loves more than you. Jacob loves me, but he’s not in love with me.”

“You really are as pure they come,” she chuckles softly, shaking her head.

“What are you talking about?”

“Y/N, I don’t blame you or like, hate you. There was a point in time when I abandoned Jacob, and we basically broke up. Then, when you came into his life, you just trusted him completely. You were always there for him.”

“Sarah-”

“It’s fine,” she smiles sheepishly, trying to ignore her tears, “you don’t want him at all, so why should I be mad?

“Sarah, you’re drunk and-”

“Trust me, I’ve thought about this a lot,” she laughs humorlessly, “this has nothing to do with me drinking.”

“Is this why you want me with Andy so bad?”

“God no,” she scoffs before taking a sip of her drink, “if anything, it’ll make it worse, but you’ll be happy. You’ll be happy and so will Andy. I don’t tell you that you’re my best friend to make you smile, I say it because you really are my best friend. I want you to succeed, I want you to be happy, and I want things to work out in your favor. I’ve seen all the hurt you’ve gone through and I want better for you.”

“Sarah...why do you-”

“Stay with Jacob? Because I love him,” she states as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “He’s never going to cheat on me with you and you’d never let him. He’ll get over it at some point.”

“This isn’t fair or right. I’m ruining everyone’s life.”

“You’re not ruining shit. What’s wrong between Andy and Laurie is on her, and there’s nothing wrong between Jake and I. In all honesty, I don’t even think he knows. That’s part of the reason I didn’t want to meet you in high school,” she laughs, taking a long sip of her drink. “I knew he had a thing for you, but we were trying to work things out. We always joked about being the old couple that were once childhood sweethearts. I was terrified of meeting you, because I was terrified of seeing the person who would take him away from me, but then I met you,” she laughs. “It was so evident how much you weren’t into him.You made it so easy to love you and get to know you, and honestly? I get it. The way you describe Andy? That’s how you make everyone else feel. You don’t understand how much of yourself you give to people. Even if it’s just for a moment, you make people feel like they’re safe, like they have a home. It’s not hard at all too see why Andy is so in love with you.”

You’re thoughtful before you speak: “Sarah, can I ask you something?”

“You can ask me anything.”

“What did you and Andy talk about at the Christmas party?”

“I was wondering if you’d ever ask,” she chuckles. “We talked about you and the relationship you two could have. He’s so fucking in love with you. He said that the only reason he hadn’t made a move was because he wanted you to be as happy as you made him. I told him that he can do that by being with you, but he shook his head. He insisted that you two being together would only complicate your life more, but he wanted nothing more than to be with you. I told him that he’s the piece of your life that’s been missing and he said you’d be happier with someone else, that he didn’t want to weigh you down. So, I asked him why he was willing to suffer if he knew you felt the same way he did.”

“And?”

“He said he’d be willing to take on all of the pain and suffering in the world if it meant you’d be happy,” she smiles softly.

“Fuck!”

“Y/N-”

“Sarah...you don’t get it. Before I met Andy, I didn’t even feel like I could breathe. Last night, it was all so simple because there was no Laurie and Jacob. No thought of them.We were in our own little world and we were happy. It was peaceful, full of love, happiness, and for once, my life wasn’t a complete shit show. He’s been trying so hard to get her to sign the fucking papers...there were times I completely forgot about Jake. How shitty does that make me? I didn’t think about my own best fucking friend!”

“Babe, you’ve spent the better part of your young adult life looking out for Jake. When it comes to love, you’re allowed to be selfish.”

“Sarah, what the fuck am I gonna do?” you sob as your phone buzzes.

You’re quick to take it out and check, and a smile is instantly painted on your face when you see that it’s Andy.

My Heart: Had to stop to pick up a few things for this weekend, but I’m safe. I love you so much, honey. Counting down the seconds until I can see you again, because I miss the fuck out of you. The day we start living together is gonna be the best fucking day. Please don’t drink too much, okay? We’re gonna figure all this shit out. I love you.

“Sarah, I can’t quit him and I don’t want to.”

“Then don’t,” she smiles at you reassuringly, “fight like hell to make it work.”

As you and Sarah go back to drinking and dancing the night away, one thought is clearer in your mind than it’s ever been: you and Andy are meant to be with one another. By no means will any of it be easy, but you’re more than ready to fight like hell for the love of your life.

You’re more than ready to fight like hell for Andy Barber.

Laurie’s P.O.V.

“Andy, can you stop packing for five fucking minutes?!” I sob as he continues to load his clothes into his duffle bag.

“Laurie, I’ve told you multiple times that I’m done, and you won’t fucking hear it. I don’t know what else to do,” he shrugs, a look of pure indifference on his face.

“Andy-”

“You’re the one that cheated. Without saying it out loud, you decided that you don’t want this anymore. You don’t want us. So, I’m moving on. I’ve moved on!”

“Andy, no. You think you’ve moved on, but you’re just-”

“Laurie, I don’t love you. I have no desire to work this out, and I never will again. Please, just let it go and sign the goddamn papers!”

“You just need time,” I sob as he throws up his hands and scowls.

That’s what he used to say to me all the time, and it always worked like a charm; he could always bring me back. However, now? It seems like a lie. I’ve been using the same line for practically a year, and for what? The more I say it, the less he wants me.

Maybe that’s the difference. He was fighting for someone who he truly loved, and somewhere deep inside, I loved him back. Now? I’ve pushed him away so much that he truly is finished with all of this, but now I finally wanna come back.

I finally see what’s worth fighting for.

“Where are you even living now?”

“It doesn’t matter. What matters is that I’m gone for good, and you need to sign the damn papers.”

“You don’t need to be so cold!”

“That seems to be the only way that you’ll respond,” he huffs before closing his bag. “Laurie, at one point, we were lovers and best friends. We have Jacob. I don’t want this to get ugly, so please don’t let it get to that point. He’s moving out, we both know he’s gonna propose to Sarah sooner or later, and you and I both know that we’ve run our course. You can have the house, the cars, you can paint me as the bad guy. I truly don’t care. Please, just let me go.”

“Andy, please, lets just go away-”

“I don’t want to go away!” he finally snaps, causing me to jump just a bit.

Hes never been this way with me.

“Laurie,” he sighs dropping his bag, clearly frustrated and worn out “don’t make me be this guy. The angry husband who has to be an asshole. I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t want to upset you, and I don’t want either of us to hate each other. After all is said and done, I still want us to at least be able to have some sort of healthy relationship. It doesn’t have to be something fueled by hate and anger, it can be amicable. I don’t hate you, Laurie, I just don’t love you anymore,” he sighs before picking up his bag. “Think about it, I’ll see you in a few days.”

As he walks away I can’t help but think back to college. Was this all my fault? He never pursued me, I always wanted him.

He never looked for me, I always looked for him.

“You came!” I beamed as the handsome brunette came walking into my dorm room.

“You made it sound like I’d be missing out on something big if I show up,” he chuckled with a bright smile.

I’d been daydreaming about the smile since I first saw it two weeks ago in the campus library.

“You didn’t bring anyone?” I asked, hopeful that I wasn’t about to make myself look like a complete fool.

“No one to bring. I spend most of my time studying or working. That’s why I decided maybe it would be nice to go to a party. Thanks for invitin’ me.”

“Thanks for showing up,” I replied, and I could tell my cheeks were burning red.

From that day on, I looked for him, I waited for him, and I tried to come up with any reason to talk to him, until he finally asked me out. At first, it was exciting and I was enamored with him. Then, after about five months, I started to get lazy and he took notice. It’s not even that I stopped loving him, but I realized I wanted to be young and experience college as a single woman. Neither of us said a thing about it, but I could tell he knew and that I’d hurt him.

Then I started seeing him hanging around with some girl and it made my blood boil.

He was mine.

So, I showed up at his dorm one day and when he opened the door, I practically pounced on him, and of course he didn’t say no. Of course, my little impulsive act ended up with me pregnant, and he was a saint about it. Why wouldn’t he be?

Andy is the sweetest soul on earth; he always has been.

Everything was perfect for a while. Even with school being as demanding as it was, Andy was a loving and doting father. I wasn’t surprised that he proposed, and I was more than happy to say yes. I wanted nothing more than to devote myself to him forever.

For a while, it was perfect. We had the perfect life. Sure, I looked at other men sometimes, just wondering what it would be like to have the freedom to do whatever I wanted, but I never acted on anything. I had a good life, why mess it up?

Then, Jacob’s trial.

Even after everything that happened; the arguments, the trial, the sleeping in separate rooms...the accident...he still treated me like I was the center of his universe, and loved me unconditionally.

But I felt betrayed.

How could he not tell me about his father? Yeah, it’s his life and he’s allowed his secrets, but I’m his wife! So, after all was said and done, even with him being as amazing as he was, I still cheated. I cheated because I wanted him to feel as betrayed as I did. I seduced his best friend, best man at our wedding, and fucked him in the backseat of our car. It should’ve been quick and dirty, but I fucked up and let it turn into something that it should’ve never been.

It was nice to feel like I was a priority, to feel beautiful, and just get away from the weight that now comes with being a Barber. The flowers, gifts, the sneaking...it all felt new and exciting. I felt young again.

Andy started to notice of how distant I was becoming and offered to take me on a trip, or pay for me to go on my own trip, and that’s when the guilt set in. I was out being the world’s worst wife, and he was still trying to take care of me. So, I broke off the relationship and came clean to Andy.

He didn’t even say a word, and to be honest, he didn’t need to. The look in his eyes told me everything. I had crushed him and instantly felt terrible. I was so ready for him to demand a divorce, and a small part of me wanted him to, but he just stormed out and spent the rest of the night driving around. Of course, Andy being the amazing man he is, came back in the morning and told me he loved me and wanted to work it out.

That should’ve been enough for me and I should’ve been happy, but of course I wasn’t. I dug my nails in and did my best to make sure that no one would ever be able to steal him from me, including making sure he never met Y/N. Yes I’m the one that made the mess, and it was obvious that she’d done nothing wrong, but still. Enough people talk and word gets around. It was irrational, mean, and dumb, but I wasn’t going to take any chances.

All my hard work and it did nothing.

I messed everything up out of pure fear and jealousy, but it was nowhere near as bad as the last time. I knew it pushed him to his wits end, but it’s something I know we can make our way back from it.

But now? After that dinner for Jacob and Sarah?

God, the way he looked at Y/N that night? Is she the one he’s in love with? No, she can’t be. It’s just not possible. He wouldn’t do that to Jacob, and she’s so damn young. 24? 25? He’d never go for someone her age.

No, whoever has his attention...I can fix it. I can make it right and do better this time. I know it took me forever to realize it, but I truly do love Andy, and I’ll do anything I can to prove that to him.

I can fix this.

Y/N’s P.O.V

“What?!” you snap as you answer your phone, making your way into your loft.

“What did I do? I’m sorry,” Andy starts and you instantly feel bad.

“I didn’t check my phone before I answered. I’m sorry, what’s up?”

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Sweetheart, talk to me.”

“I’m just fucking fed up.”

“With what?”

“With everything!”

“Baby, what happened?”

“Fucking...Andy, I miss you,” you sigh as you sit down on your bed, kicking off your shoes before taking your hair out of a ponytail and laying down.

“I miss you too, honey. Talk to me, what happened?”

“I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

“How can I help?”

“Come over.”

“I can’t, I’m gonna see you tomorrow though.”

“Why not now?”

“You’ll know tomorrow.”

“I need you now.”

“What do you need?”

“For you to make me feel better.”

Andy chuckles before responding,” how can I make you feel better right now?”

“I wanna see you.”

In just a matter of moments your phone is buzzing and you know it’s Andy FaceTiming you.

“Where are you?” he asks, looking over you as much as he can as you unbutton the top two buttons on your blouse.

“I’m home, in bed.”

“Now, how am I supposed to make you feel better if you’re in bed?”

“I think you know, daddy,” you pout as you continue to unbutton your blouse.

“It hasn’t even been a full week, sweetheart,” he chuckles, but his gaze is intense.

“You made me feel so good.”

“Only once and you’re already so desperate?”

“Please come over, daddy.”

“No, but I’ll watch you get yourself off,” he states with an authoritative voice.

And just like that, your pussy is more than desperate for him.

“Daddy-”

“Lick two fingers then rub your clit.”

“Please-”

“Don’t be a brat. Do what daddy told you to.”

“Fuck,” you sigh, bringing one of your hands to your mouth, licking and sucking two of your fingers, then hiking up your skirt and pushing your panties to the side and playing with your clit. “Daddy,” you moan pathetically.

“What do you want me to do to you?”

“I want...I want you to eat my pussy so bad! It felt so good having your tongue on me!”

“Yeah? What else, baby?”

“Daddy, please just come over. I haven’t seen or felt you all week and I’m going crazy! I miss you so much,” you whine pathetically.

“I feel the same, honey, but if I come over, I won’t leave. Just gotta wait, sweetheart,” he broods as you hear him undo his belt buckle and unzip his pants. “Now, tell daddy what else you want him to do to you.”

“I need to feel your lips on me. I need you to kiss me like you did when you were carrying me up the steps, I need to feel just how much you love me before you’re mean to me!”

“Mean to you how?”

“Make me choke on your fat cock, daddy! Make me take every inch of it, then fuck me like a slut, please!”

“Jesus Y/N,” he growls, “lick your fingers then tell me how you taste,” he demands, voice rough and coarse.

“Mmm, so fucking good!”

“Shit, I can only fucking imagine! Now, be a good girl and start fucking yourself with those fingers, baby. Fuck yourself and cum hard for daddy.”

“Shit, I miss you so much, daddy!”

“I miss you too, baby. Can’t fucking wait...can’t wait to see you and bend you over tomorrow!”

“Jesus daddy!”

“Gonna spread those fucking legs and eat that pussy so good, then I’m gonna taste that ass...fuck!”

“Shit!” you cry out, cumming hard, and almost dropping your phone.

“Fuck, sweetheart!” Andy groans softly as you see bits of his cum landing on a desk.

“Where...where are you, daddy?”

He takes his time, collecting himself and regulating his breathing, before he answers, “at work.”

“Andy!”

“It’s alright,” he laughs softly, “no one’s here and the door is closed.”

“You can’t do that, daddy.”

“Well, I can’t exactly do this where I live.”

“You could’ve come over.”

“I told you, sweetheart; if I would’ve come over, I wouldn’t have been able to leave.”

“It’s not like that’s a bad thing,” you sigh, finally meeting his warm and loving gaze.

“What’s wrong, baby?”

“Nothing.”

“You’ve had an attitude all week, you’ve been distant, and I know you were crying before you answered the phone last night.”

“Andy-”

“What’s wrong?”

“I just hate this fucking week.”

“Why?”

“I haven’t seen you, my mother is in one of her rage moods; which is apparently my fault cause I don’t go and see her, my fucking heel broke the other day and I stepped in a fucking puddle, my boss actually fucking put his hand on my upper thigh today-”

“I’m sorry, he did what?”

“It’s fine-”

“It’s not fucking fine!”

“Andy, calm down. It’s fine, I told him it made me uncomfortable and-”

“We’re finding you a new job.”

“You’re sweet,” you chuckle softly, sitting up and taking off your blouse, “I have bills to pay.”

“We’ll live together soon enough, it won’t matter.”

“Yeah okay,” you scoff. “Don’t you have to get home to your wife?”

“Don’t. That’s not fair and you know it.”

“Yeah, that’s not fair,” you mutter, rolling your eyes before getting up.

“Sweetheart-”

“Do you fuck her?”

“You know I don’t, I don’t even sleep in the same bed as her!”

“You still live in the same fucking house.”

“Honey, what’s going on?”

“I’m lonely, Andy!” you finally snap as you grab a glass. “It’s been a fucking week and I...I heard you say what you said, I haven’t seen you since, Jacob’s been telling me that he secretly wants you two to work it out, and...what the fuck am I doing?!”

Andy lets out a heavy sigh and it only makes you feel worse. “Do you just wanna break this off now?”

“No,” you sniffle, trying to control your emotions, “I love you. I love you so much, and I just want to be with you, but all of this-”

“It’s not always going to be like this, honey.”

“Andy, are you sure you want this? Are you sure you want me?”

“I’m coming over.”

“Andy-”

“No, I’m on way. I’ll see you in a bit, I love you.”

With that, he hung up and you’re left to wonder what the fuck is going on. For as much as Andy wants to be divorced, he isn’t. For as much as Andy loves you, he still isn’t with you completely. For as good of a mam Andy Barber is, he still isn’t only yours.

But God, does he want to be.

Why are you picking a fight with him? Why are you trying to hurt him? It’s more than obvious that he just wants to love and be with you. Hes spent the entire week staying late in his office, listening to you bitch and complain about your week (at least what you were willing to tell him), and he promised constantly that it would get better. He promised that this wouldn’t be how it’ll always go. He promised that you two would be openly together, and he’d have no issue being with you in front of everyone who has something negative to say.

He told you a million times that he loves you and just how much.

However, there’s still fear, worry, and guilt. Fear that he’ll decide you’re not enough and leave, worry that you’ll fuck it up because you’ve never actually been in a good or healthy relationship, and guilt because you’re sneaking around and lying to Jacob. Yes, Andy was unhappy and trying to get out of his marriage before he met you, but he wasn’t fully committed to it until he met you.

What if Jacob thinks that you’re the one who broke up his family? What if he lashes out at you? What if your best friend decides that he wants to walk out of your life for good? Could you really handle that? Would Andy be able to handle his son being that furious? Would he still choose you?

Yeah, he says that he’s all in and wants nothing more than forever with you, but what happens-

The sharp knock on your door pulls you out of your thoughts.

The second you open the door, Andy’s lips are on yours and he’s picking you up. His grip on you is tight as you wrap your legs around him, finally feeling some relief at simply the feel of him.

“Am I sure that I want you? Am I sure that I want us? Honey, I’m never changing my mind,” he whispers, showering soft kisses all along your neck.

“Andy,” you whisper, running your hands through his hair, not caring if anyone sees the two of you.

“You are my whole world now, sweetheart,” he husks as he kicks your door closed. “I desire you. I burn for you. I crave you.”

“Baby please,” you whimper, letting your hands travel down and unbuttoning the first few buttons of his shirt.

“I want you by my side every second of every day,” he confesses softly, as one hand reaches around and unclasps your bra.

“I...I missed you so much, Andy.”

“I missed you too, baby,” he coos and lays you down, looking you over as he pulls off your bra. “You’re so perfect, sweetheart.”

“You think so, baby?” you moan as you unbutton the rest of his shirt, gripping him tighter with your legs as he takes it off.

“Mhm, I think you were made just for me,” he husks as he unbuckles his belt and unzips his pants. “I think you’re the most perfect woman I’ve ever known and most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

“Then show me, Andy. Take your time and show me,” you beg, unzipping your skirt, right before he pulls it and your panties down.

“I’ll take all night if I have to.”

He dips down and kisses you gently, but there’s an urgency to it, and you instantly know he understands. He knows that this isn’t just about sex; it’s about intimacy and vulnerability. It’s about understanding and honesty.

It’s about trust and love.

“Fuck,” you softly sigh as he thrusts himself inside of you, “I missed you.”

“Finally fucking home, baby,” he groans as he moves slowly and deeper within you.

You cup his face and keep his focus on you, softly stroking the side of it as you try and hold on for the ride. He keeps hitting that spot in you that makes you feel everything all at once, but you’re not ready to reach that euphoric moment. Yeah, it’s only been a week, but Andy was right: you finally feel like you’re home.

“You don’t think I’ve been thinking about you all week? You don’t think I’ve wanted anything more than to be with you?”

“Andy...baby, I just...I needed you here!”

“We’ll be together soon, my love,” he coos as he starts to pick up his pace, “why are you denying me what I want?”

“Want...wanna make it last,” you whine as you arch your back a little, trying to feel as much of him as possible.

“We’ve got all night, baby. Please...give it to me,” he begs earnestly as he rests his head in the crook of your neck. “Let me feel you, I’ve needed it all fucking week!”

“Oh God!”

“I want every part of you, every day, forever, baby!”

“Andy...oh God, Andy YES!” you whimper as you claw at his back. “I can’t...fuck, I can’t...fuck!” you sob as you clench around him.

“The way you squeeze me...honey, you are so perfect!”

“Shit!” you cry out, squirting hard on his cock as you grip him tight.

“So fucking good for me,” he husks as his seed spills into you.

You both stay that way for a moment; lost in each other’s embrace, no sound except each other’s labored breathing, and taking each other in.

This is what you needed. You needed him, his love, and his touch. Sure, you’ve only had his embrace only once before, but all it takes is once. Andy makes you feel everything at once, and it’s something you’ll always need and never tire of. When he loves you like this, kisses you endlessly, and holds you close, you know exactly why you’ll never be able to give him up.

Why you’ll never want to.

“I love you,” he breathes after a moment. “I love you so much, Y/N, and I’m all in. I’m all in for as long as you want me.”

“What if I want you forever?”

“Then I’m in this forever. You’re not gonna scare me off, Laurie isn’t going to scare me into staying, the town can go to hell...I love you. I’m madly in love with you, and nothing’s ever going to change that.”

“Show me.”

“Like I said, baby; we’ve got all night.”

You and Andy spend the next few hours tangled up in your sheets, and getting lost in one another. He doesn’t even bother to answer his phone as it constantly goes off; determined to show you just how in love and dedicated he is to you. Every kiss awakens something in you, every touch sets your skin alight, and every thrust is filled with passion.

Andy is yours just as much you’re his, and no matter how messy things may get, that’s never going to change.

When the both of you finally tire each other out, you both lay back on your bed, and Andy holds you close while you lay your head on his chest.

“You have to go back tonight?” you ask as you make little circles on his chest.

“Unfortunately,” he sighs before kissing the top of your head, “but I promise tomorrow will make you extremely happy.”

“Why can’t you just tell me?”

“Because that’ll ruin the shocked look on your face tomorrow, and I’ve dreaming of seeing it,” he chuckles and you smile to yourself. “We should order dinner.”

“More like we should make dinner.”

“It can’t be that late.”

“Babe, look at my alarm clock. It’s 9:30,” you laugh and Andy chuckles before pressing a soft kiss into your hair.

“Guess I got carried away, I’m sorry.”

“I’m not,” you giggle, “what do you wanna eat?”

“Well, I already had my favorite meal-”

“Andy!” you laugh as you playfully hit his chest.

“So, I’m fine with whatever.”

“Freezer food okay? I haven’t gone grocery shopping yet.”

“Is it stupid that I’m excited about going grocery shopping with you?”

“Why is that something you’re excited about?” you laugh.

“I don’t even know. It feels so normal? I want every experience with you, because I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Something as mundane as grocery shopping feels like it would be an adventure with you,” he chuckles. “Maybe I’m just crazy-”

“Andrew Stephen Barber, I am so in love with you. I can’t wait to do everything with you too,” you smile up at him.

“Lets eat something,” he smirks before dipping down and kissing you passionately.

This man is gonna be the death of you. Andy pulls on his boxer briefs as you pull on the AC/DC crew neck he got you, and you both make your way into the kitchen.

“Okay, I have lasagna, hot pockets, anytizers-”

“What do you want?” he asks, wrapping his arms around you as he presses soft kisses along the column of your neck.

“It’s really hard to think when you kiss me like that,” you moan as you lull your head back.

“I’m sure my good girl can think of something,” he presses before lightly licking the side of your neck with the tip of his tongue.

“Daddy...please,” you whimper, getting all worked up again. “We’ve gotta eat.”

“I know what I wanna eat, baby, and it’s nothing that’s in your freezer,” he husks as he hoists you up and places you on the counter top, quickly getting on his knees.

“Daddy-”

“Let daddy enjoy his favorite meal,” he smirks up at you before pushing the bottom of your crew neck up and licking your clit.

“Daddy, we have to...shit, just like that,” you whimper as grip his hair tight, the feeling of his tongue fucking you while he massages your clit with his thumb driving you insane. “You eat my pussy so good, daddy.”

“My perfect, desperate little girl,” he murmurs before sucking on your clit and sliding two fingers into your weeping cunt.

“Oh...daddy,” you moan as you lull your head back against one of your kitchen cabinets.

Needless to say, you two end up back in bed.

Andy loves you until you’re barely able to stand, telling you just how much he loves you and can’t wait to be with you like he really wants to. As he holds close while you drift off, there’s only one thought that runs through your mind:

Andrew Stephen Barber will never stop being the love of your life.

Andy’s P.O.V

“You’re home late,” Laurie mutters with a slight slur as I make my way into the house.

“This isn’t my home anymore, Laurie,” I sigh, taking off my suit jacket and heading to the kitchen.

“You reek of sex.”

“That’s because I just had sex, Laurie.”

“So, you’re cheating now?”

“Cheating would imply that we have some sort of a functioning marriage, which we don’t,” I scowl as pull a package of bread out of the cabinet.

“So, who is it? Who are you so in love with that you don’t want to try anymore? Is it her?” she asks, folding her arms across her chest, losing her balance a little.

“Her who?”

“Andy, don’t be an asshole. Y/N.”

I want to say yes so fucking bad, but I can’t do that to you. I won’t say anything until you’re ready.

“What is your obsession with her?” I scoff, taking ham and cheese out of the fridge.

“You seem to be in love with her, and Jacob is in love with her-”

“I barely know her and Jacob’s in love with Sarah.”

“Well, who is it?”

“Why on earth would I tell you that? So you can go and harass her?”

“Andy, you used to-”

“Laurie, you cheated on me twice, you treat Jacob like shit-”

“I do not!”

“Yeah, alright,” I scoff, putting my sandwich together, wishing I had taken you up on your lasagna offer.

“She’s so fucking great, but she can’t feed you?”

I open my mouth to tell her that my favorite meal today was that perfect little pussy between your legs, but stop short and just scoff and shake my head instead.

‘That’ll be taking it too far, Andy,’ I think to myself.

“I’ve had a long day and I don’t feel like arguing with you, Laurie. That and you’re drunk, so there’s really no point. I’m going to sleep.”

“When are you telling, Jacob, huh? When are you going to tell him that you’re moving out? That you’re fine with breaking up our family?”

“Laurie, you broke up this family when you purposely drove your truck into a wall, trying to kill our son, and when you spread your legs for my best friend.”

“You know that accident was just that! An accident!”

“Whatever you need to tell yourself to get through the day. Listen, I told you, you can paint me as the bad guy to everyone, you can keep everything, I don’t care. All I want is for you to sign the damn papers. There’s no sense in arguing about this anymore, I’m done. I’ve moved on and I’m happier than I’ve ever been. If you ever truly loved me, if you claim to love me now, then please just sign the damn papers,” I practically beg, feeling a little pain at the tears welling up in her eyes.

I don’t know how else to get through to her.

“Andy, whoever this new woman is that you’re in love with...it’s not going to work out. She’s just gonna hurt you.”

“You say that like you haven’t a thousand times already.”

“I didn’t get it before and I’m sorry. I made mistakes and I know I hurt you, but I can do better now. I will do better!”

“Laurie-”

“Andy please,” she sobs, slowly making her way over to me, “let me show you how much I’ve changed. Give me a month-”

“Laurie, please don’t make this harder than it already is. I just don’t want this anymore...I don’t want you. I don’t want to hurt you, but I just can’t do this anymore. Please, just let this-”

“You loved me before, I know you can love me again,” she whispers before standing on her tiptoes and kissing me.

Nothing. I feel absolutely nothing. It breaks my heart, because there once was a time when I lived for her kisses, but now? Now, nothing. If I’m being honest, I’m almost repulsed. She’s not the woman I fell in love with, but to be fair, I’m not the man she fell in love with.

I’m not sure if I ever really was.

“Sleep in our room tonight, please,” she pleads softly as she takes a step back.

“I’ll be in the spare room downstairs,” I sigh, looking away as her tears start to fall, “I’ll be gone by the time you wake up. I’m moving the last bit of my stuff, and I’ll do my best not to wake you.”

“Andy, please-”

“Goodnight Laurie.”

I quickly make my way downstairs, throwing out the sandwich I made, no longer having an appetite, before getting undressed and stepping into the shower.

This isn’t how I wanted any of this to go, but I don’t know why I expected any of this to go easy. Once Laurie sinks her claws in and sets her sights on something, she doesn’t give up easily. Still, this shouldn’t be the shit show that it is. It shouldn’t be this hard to get some damn closure and just move on. Laurie and I have run our course and I’m so damn tired of this shit.

Tonight with you? It was perfect, but fuck if I don’t hate myself for making you question everything. Question me. I never wanted to be a person in your life that makes you question whether or not love is real, or if it actually even matters. How could I say something that made you feel so horrible less than 24 hours after you completely gave yourself to me? After you told me you trust me completely?

I want everything and every day with you, forever.

If Jacob end up hating me, then so be it. If Laurie rains down all hell fire on my head, then I’ll just deal with it. Nothing and no one is gonna stop me from being with you. Grocery shopping, picking out furniture for our home, taking trips, coming home to you daily...all of these things and more make my heart burst with excitement and pure love.

It’s not lost on me that people are going to see me with you and think that I’m obsessed with someone who’s younger than me, and I’m not gonna lie and say it doesn’t boost my ego a bit, but it’s so much more than that. You are the most selfless and thoughtful person I’ve ever known. The way you would stick up for Jacob in high school to the point that you would get into fist fights, you would go out of your way to make sure he always felt included, the fact that you got a job to help out with the bills even though it wasn’t on you to fix the damage your father had done, how you took care of your mother after your father abandoned the both of you...

Even now, you’re just taking all of this in stride. Keeping secrets you shouldn’t have to, being so much nicer to Laurie than you should be, keeping Jacob’s feelings in mind, being patient with me while I figure all of this out...you’re so fucking gracious, sweet, and thoughtful. It honestly infuriates me that everyone else just constantly lets you down, over some shit you didn’t even do.

I refuse to be another person that hurts you. I’m gonna stick by you and I’m not leaving your side, come hell or high water, I will be with you and we’ll make it work.

Y/N’s P.O.V

You don’t make much of a fuss about getting out of bed, since you’re a bit sore from your long night with Andy. You’d hoped he’d be good in bed, but you didn’t think he’d be that amazing in bed.

It’s not like you have any complaints. Andy can do whatever he wants to you, and in the end, all you’ll do is thank him and beg for more. No, it’s not necessarily a healthy concept, but there’s comfort in knowing that Andy feels the same way you do. Somehow, the second time around was better than the first.

Probably because you two were both sober this time.

As you roll around in bed, trying to decide if you have the energy to actually start your day, your mind plays over everything Andy said last night; both when he was inside of you and when he wasn’t.

It’s hard not to give into the fear of it all, but how can you not trust him? The way he looks at you, the way he holds you, the way he smiles at you, the way he loves you...it’s all so damn genuine, you know that he means it. He’s not telling you what you want to hear so he can keep getting access to your pussy; it’s obvious that he means every word.

You just have to find the strength to believe everything he’s saying is true.

You’re finally ready to get out of bed when your phone buzzes. The smile that comes to your face almost hurts when you see that it’s Andy. However, you’re completely confused when you open it and see that hes sent you an address.

Y/N: Huh?

My Heart: Meet me here as fast as you can, and bring clothes for the weekend.

Y/N: What’s going on?

My Heart: You’ll see when you get here, so don’t take too long. I love you and I’ll see you soon.

Well, now you’re wide awake and full of energy.

You quickly get out of bed and make your way to your shower, doing your best to ignore all of the anxiety that you feel. They’re not exactly bats in your stomach, but they sure as shit aren’t butterflies. By the time you’re dressed and ready to go , you feel like you’re gonna lose your mind.

Just an address? What the hell does that mean? Yeah, hes talked about you two moving in together all the time, but so soon? When Laurie hasn’t even signed the papers yet?

That’s another thing; how the hell is going to get to her to sign the papers? He’s entirely too kind to actually pressure her into signing the papers, but he’s also fed up with everything. What the hell does he have up his sleeve?

When you finally reach the destination, you’re in pure shock and awe.

What the hell?

“Andy...what is this?” you question as you get out of the car.

“I’ve officially moved out,” he smiles as he wraps his arms around you and dips down to kiss you.

“Someone could see,” you smile sheepishly as you turn your head away from him.

“Who cares?”

“Andy-”

“I told you that I told her I’m in love with someone else, and when she told me I reeked of sex last night, I told her it was because I had sex. I’m not hiding anything from her, because I truly don’t care. No, I haven’t told her that I’m with you, but the second you give me the okay, I’m telling her. I love you, Y/N. I want this. I want us.”

“Andy...,” you start to tear “is this house...?”

“It’s a condo I got for me, but when you’re ready, I would love for it to be ours. There’s no pressure, and we’ll take this at whatever pace you want, but I’m all in,\. I know they’re things you need to figure out on your end, and I’m perfectly fine waiting while you figure it out-”

“How will we tell Jacob?” you interrupt, trying to suppress every emotion you’re feeling as you keep looking over the gorgeous house.

“I was thinking we’d talk about that today,” he smiles at you.

“Is Laurie any closer to signing the papers?”

“I can tell that she’s starting to realize that I’m serious.”

“Andy...are you sure-”

“I love you and I’ve never been more sure of anything. If you don’t want this, I’ll completely understand and I won’t be mad in the slightest, but if you really do want to do this-”

“I know I can’t move in right away, but I’d like to keep some of my stuff here. I’d like to have...I’d like to have my own key,” you almost whisper, trying to convince yourself that all of this actually happening.

“You’re in luck,” he chuckles as he takes a key out from his pocket, “I already had one made for you. This is your home too, sweetheart.”

“Andy-”

“I genuinely want everything with you. I love you, Y/N. I love you, I love you, I love you. I will say it every day until you believe it.”

“It’s not that I don’t believe it, Andy, it’s just...this is a lot...it’s everything. I love you so much and I just don’t want to get myself all wrapped up in someone who isn’t-”

“Honey, this is as real as it gets. I love you and want forever with you. That’s never going to change. The moment I laid eyes on you, I was already thinking of ways to see you again. Then, when I helped you move in, seeing just how thoughtful and kind you are...I’ve been in love with you ever since. I know that this is moving kind of fast, but if only you could understand just how deeply and how much I love you...my heart rate speeds up whenever I see you, your smile alone is enough to calm me down and make me come alive at the same time, and your laugh...honey, I could listen to you laugh and talk all day and still want more. I love you, Y/N. I’m madly and truly in love with you,” he finishes with a warm smile as he wipes your tears away.

You don’t know what to say. How can all of this be real? How can he choose you so easily? How is he choosing you at all? And how the hell is he so calm about all of this?

Are you sure you’re awake? Is this actually real?

“This is really happening, it’s not all in your head or some dream,” he chuckles softly as he practically reads your mind.

“Can we go inside and take a look around?” you sniffle after a moment, wiping your eyes.

“Anything you want, honey.”

You don’t mean to gasp when you go inside, but the place is gorgeous and spacious.

How much money does Andy have exactly?

“Now, I had to get some furniture, I didn’t want you coming home to a completely empty house. I figured we’d go shopping for the rest of it together. Out of town, so you don’t have to worry about being seen. I figured we could go tomorrow.”

“Andy, this is gorgeous!”

“Yeah, you really like it?”

“I love it!” you beam, turning around wrapping your arms around him tight. “Give me the full tour,” you smile up at him.

Andy is more than happy to show you around, very clearly excited and happy that you didn’t go running off in the other direction. It all seems so unreal, especially when he shows you the little art studio he set up for you.

“Andy-”

“You told me that you loved to paint when you were younger, but had to stop between work and school. I’m obviously not going to push you, but I want you to feel free to start again. Maybe you’ll fall back in love with it, and if you don’t, this will still be your space to do whatever you want in.”

“You didn’t have to do this for me, Andy. Any of it. I just...how can you love me this much?”

“How can I not love you this much?” he chuckles as he wraps an arm around your waist. “Come on, there’s still the upstairs.”

“Somehow I forgot all about the upstairs,” you laugh along with Andy.

“So,” Andy starts as you both start up the stairs, “there are three bedrooms. I’ve started setting up what I think you’ll want to be our room, but just tell me-”

“Say that again,” you smile up at him once you two reach the top step.

“Hmm? Say what?”

“Our room.”

Andy smiles down at you before cupping your face and giving a soul stirring kiss, “our room,”

“I love you, Andy.”

“I love you too, sweetheart.”

As he shows you each room and leads you down the hallway, you can’t help but wonder why he got a place with three rooms. Yeah, a two bedroom would make sense, a spare room form Jake and Sarah if they ever sleep over, but why three?

“And this is ours,” he smiles at you as he pushes the door open.

It’s amazing how well Andy knows you.

“I know the furniture is a little bland and we can get something else, if you want. There’s a 30 day warranty on everything,” he laughs softly. “I know you prefer then left side, so I set up all my stuff on the right. If you want, I’ll-”

You cut him off by crashing your lips into his and pulling him impossibly closer to you. “You are incredible,” you breathe once you two break apart. “You are so incredible and I am so in love with you.”

“You’re happy?”

“I’m so far past happy, daddy,” you whisper before you start to kiss down his body, “you did really good.”

“Sweetheart, we don’t have to-”

“But I want to, daddy. I really want to,” you plead as you look up at him with your most innocent eyes.

He tries to hide it, but you can see lust and desire in his eyes, and you know he’s about to give you what you want. “Get on the bed,” he demands with a low growl.

“But daddy-”

“You always wanna argue with daddy, and we have to put a stop to that,” he scowls before gripping your hair roughly, “I think that’s exactly what we’re gonna do now.”

“I’m so sorry, daddy,” you whimper, getting more and more desperate for him by the second.

“Oh, you will be, now strip and get on the bed. Don’t make me tell you again.”

And just like that, you’re up on your feet and undressing yourself. Soon enough, you’re naked and in the middle of the bed, waiting for instruction as Andy looks you over.

“Such a gorgeous little girl, but such a dumb little slut. Open those pretty little legs and start playing with your clit.”

All you can do is whine like the bitch in heat that you are as you follow his instructions, trying to hold his burning gaze.

“Daddy,” you moan, closing your eyes and lulling your head back, fighting off a release he hasn’t given you permission for.

“Eyes on me,” he demands hotly, unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans.

When you focus your attention back on him, he’s stroking his angry red cock that’s leaking with pre-cum. “Daddy, please let me-”

“You don’t cum until I say so, little slut. You understand me?”

“Please-”

“Tsk, tsk, tsk, really such a dumb little girl,” he smirks mischievously, “and to think, I was about to eat that perfect little cunt of yours.”

“Daddy please!”

“Guess I’m just gonna teach you how to obey,” he sighs before taking off his shirt and stepping out of his jeans. “What has daddy told you about begging?”

“No-not to,” you breathe, still trying to hold his intense gaze as you watch him take a seat on the edge of the bed.

“So, why do you keep being a whiny little brat?”

“Just want you so...so bad all the time.”

“Is that so? Well, come and sit on daddy’s lap. We’re gonna have a little talk about why you should be a good little girl,” he coaxes, starting to stroke himself again.

You’re quick to make your way over to him, ready to straddle him, before he stops you.

“You’re gonna face that mirror, so you can see how much better it is when you’re a good girl.”

“Daddy-”

“You’re just making it harder for yourself. Now, face the mirror, and take daddy’s cock until you learn how to behave.”

How the hell are you supposed to last? You have no idea.

“Oh God, daddy,” you moan as you slide yourself down on his cock, lulling your head back at the way he still pulls you apart.

“Look at yourself in the mirror, sweet girl,” he coos against your neck, licking it lightly.

“Daddy!”

“I said look!” he snaps before slapping your clit.

“Fuck!” you cry out, looking straight ahead as you start to bounce up and down on his cock.

“That’s a good girl,” he smirks against your neck, “see how your greedy little cunt takes my cock so well?”

All you can do is nod.

“You know daddy doesn’t like it when you don’t use your words,” he scolds before slapping your clit again.

“Fuck daddy! I’m...I-I’m sorry!”

“Now, I’ll ask you again,” he husks as you pick up your pace, “do you see how well your greedy little cunt takes my fat cock so well?”

“Y-yes daddy!”

“All I wanna do is spoil you and make you feel so fucking good,” he groans in a condescending tone, “but you just love to act up. Doesn’t it feel so much better when I don’t have to punish you?”

“Everything you do feels amazing, daddy,” you sob as he starts to massage your tits, pinching your nipples hard.

“Oh, so that’s what it is? My little girl just needs to be treated like a little fucking slut?”

“Daddy please!” you whine, clenching around him, knowing you won’t be able to hold off your release much longer.

“That’s not being a good girl,” he sighs against your neck, slapping your clit again, causing you to yelp; you try and close your legs. “If daddy lets you cum, you’ve gotta watch yourself the whole time. Watch how beautiful you look when you explode for me. You understand?”

“Anything you want! Just please!” you whine, knowing you sound pathetic, but you’re so far beyond blissed out that you don’t fucking care.

“So fucking needy,” he laughs as he starts to massage your clit with two of his fingers, “alright, be a good little whore and cum for daddy.”

In no time at all, you’re screaming out in pleasure, squirting all over his cock and the floor, not feeling an ounce of shame as you see how wrecked you are. Andy’s grip tightens on you, and you’re sure he’s about to cum until he stills you.

“Sweet girl, you made a mess all over my cock,” he chides as you clench around him, knowing he’s going to be just as mean about cleanup.

“I didn’t...I didn’t mean to,” you breathe, trying to come down from your high.

“But you did, and what do good girls do when they make a mess?”

“Clean it up, daddy.”

“Exactly.Get on your knees and clean daddy’s cock.”

“Please-”

“Tsk, tsk, tsk, there you go again,” he sighs, slapping your clit again.

He’s going to fucking ruin you.

You slowly stand up, your legs still unstable, but you’re quick to get on your knees in the little puddle you created. A whimper escapes your lips at the sight of Andy’s cock in front of you, happy to finally be able to take it into your mouth. You lick it softly and moan in satisfaction at the taste of yourself on him.

“Take it, sweet girl,” he husks, gripping your hair as he bucks his hips slightly, “take every fucking inch of it.”

You’re quick to get your mouth on him, desperate to make him feel an ounce of the pleasure he’s made you feel. You soon find that just because you’re eager to do something doesn’t mean it’ll get done.

“C’mon sweet girl, I know can take all of it. Relax your throat for me,” he coos, guiding your head down.

It’s not like it hadn’t dawned on you until now that Andy’s cock is the biggest you’ve ever experienced, but you’re still annoyed with yourself for not prepping for it.

“That’s it...fuck, that’s it! Such a good girl,” he groans as you take him more and more.

You both moan in satisfaction when he finally reaches the back of your throat. He starts guiding you slowly, but the second you start whimpering, he’s rough, picking up the pace.

“Fuck, you’re such a good little whore, baby,” he grunts, his grip white knuckling, “wish you could see how well you’re taking daddy’s cock. Fuck!”

When you start gagging, he pulls you off and you whine in protest.

“What did daddy say about being a whiny little brat?”

“I wanna taste you so bad.”

“Another time, sweet girl. For now, get on the bed and on your hands and knees.”

Once again, it takes you a moment to get yourself together, completely blissed out, but determined not to throw in the towel in until he does.

The bed shifts behind you almost instantly, and you whimper when you feel one of Andy’s hands smooth over your ass cheek.

“Daddy!” you scream out when he smacks it hard.

“Are gonna start behaving?”

“Mhm!”

“Use your words!” he reprimands, slapping your ass harder.

“I’ll be such a good girl, daddy! I promise!” you cry out.

“That’s what I wanna hear,” he praises.

You prepare yourself to feel him thrust inside of you, but are completely caught off guard when you feel his tongue against your folds.

“Holy fuck!”

“Told you, rewards feel so much better than punishments,” he smirks before starting to fuck you with his tongue.

Between the lewd slurping sounds between your legs, and Andy’s groans of approval, you lull your head back and get lost in that blissful state only he can bring you to. You’re right on the edge when Andy replaces his tongue with his fingers, and before you can protest, you feel his tongue licking your asshole, and you arch your back, gripping the sheets to keep yourself upright.

“Y-you make me feel so fucking good! I swear to fuck!”

All Andy does is slap your ass in approval and it makes you clench tighter around his fingers.

Never in a million years did you ever think Andy would or could be this dominant or controlling. The same man who loves late night ice cream drives and is insanely romantic to you: the quiet and shy guy, the loving father. He cuddles you close during movie night while also the same guy who dominates the fuck out of you, making you feel like the dirty little slut you secretly are.

“You ever been fucked in this perfect little hole, sweet girl?” Andy asks, making little circles around your asshole with his finger.

“N-no daddy!”

“At some point this weekend, we should fix that,” he husks before removing his fingers from your weeping cunt, “but for now, I’m gonna use you as my little cum dump.”

“Fuck, please daddy!” you sob as he thrusts himself inside of you.

“Are those pretty little tears for me?” he coos condescendingly, reaching down between your legs and rubbing little circles on your overstimulated clit.

“Never felt so fu...so fucking good!”

“Yeah? Show me just how much by cumming for me right now,” he demands with a throaty grunt as his movements become erratic.

“Fu...fu...FUCK!” you shout with a sob, squirting all over all his cock and the bed.

“Sweet girl,” he growls, dipping down and resting his forehead on your back as he coats your inner walls with his seed. “Such a good fucking girl.”

Andy rides out both your highs before letting you down gently and collapsing next to you. He instantly pulls you close, and you cuddle up against him; feeling loved, full, happy, and content.

“Was I too rough with you?” he asks after a moment, softly making little circles on the small of your back.

“No baby,” you all but mumble, trying to stay awake.

“You promise?”

“I swear.”

“I love you so much, honey.”

“You are my world, Andy. I still can’t believe you did all of this for us. It’s so...I’ve never felt so loved or cared for in my life, and I’m trying to accept that all of this is real, it’s just gonna take a bit. I’m so afraid you’re gonna wake up one day and decide I’m not worth all of this and walk away. Everyone always walks away.”

“Honey, I told you I’m all in and I mean that. This isn’t a phase and I’m not looking to fuck around. I’m in love with you, so fucking in love. That’s not changing.”

Now you’re crying for a completely different reason.

“I’m so happy, Andy. Thank you.”

“Get some rest, sweetheart.”

As you drift off to sleep, feeling safe and secure in Andy’s arms, you slowly feel your fears and insecurities fall away.

Maybe this all can work out.

When you wake up, the sun is setting, the TV is on, and you’re alone in bed. You grab your phone, (ignoring all of your notifications) and see that it’s 5:30.

You would sleep the day away.

You’re slow to get out of bed and make your way over to his drawers, quickly grabbing one of his sweaters since your clothes are still in the car. A smile comes to your as the memories of what took place earlier play in your head.

It wasn’t a dream.

You quietly make your way down the steps, listening for Andy, but when you hear him the backyard, your smile quickly fades.

“Laurie, I’m not having this talk when you’re drunk...Jacob took Sarah away this weekend and when he comes back, he’s moving out. You know that’s why I did it this way...he’s not going to notice anything, he’ll be too busy taking out all of his packed boxes...I’ll tell him when I finish helping him and Sarah move into their new place....I would imagine Y/N is gonna be there, she is their best friend...don’t start that shit again....I’ll tell him about her when we’re both ready...well, we wouldn’t still be married if you’d sign the damn papers, now would we?...God, don’t start with the tears...listen, I’m gonna go. Please don’t call me again, unless it’s to tell me you’ve signed the papers,” he finishes with a frustrated sigh before hanging up and tossing his phone down and taking a seat on one of the lawn chairs.

“I’m guessing she’s not taking the move well,” you practically whisper.

“Hey,” he smiles at you, but his eyes show just how frustrated he is.

“Andy-”

“Don’t start, honey. Come here.”

You slowly walk over to him and pulls you down into his lap and holds you close.

“Do not worry about Laurie, I can handle her.”

“You wouldn’t have to if I hadn’t-”

“Stop that, you didn’t do anything.”

“I kissed you.”

“I was in love with you long before that kiss, sweetheart. Besides, I was the one who begged you to let me take you home.”

“Baby-”

“You said it yourself; this is gonna get harder before it gets easier. Laurie can cry and complain all she wants to, it’s not going to change anything.”

“What about Jacob?” you mumble, cuddling up and curling in to him.

“That’s up to you. I told you; you set the pace.”

You’re thoughtful before you speak, “after graduation and the proposal. Those are both really special days, and I know that this will ruin it for him,” you softly sigh.

“Babe, he’s gonna get over it.”

“Will he, Andy? Sarah and Laurie are convinced that he’s in love with me-”

“Because he is.”

“Oh, not you too!”

“You can’t tell me that you don’t see it.”

“I don’t because he’s not!”

Andy just sighs and presses kiss to your forehead, “okay, honey.”

“Besides, if that is true, he’s probably never going to talk to me again.”

“He’ll get over it. Yes, he is going to be upset and overreact, but he’ll get over it. You’re his best friend and, at some point, he’ll get over it.”

“Andy-”

“Listen, if it’s too much for you-”

“It’s not,” you quickly interject, “you’re worth all of this and more. I just...I have to prepare myself.”

“We’re this together, sweetheart,” he promises, pressing a soft kiss into your hair.

“ ‘Roman Holiday’ was on when I got up.”

“I planned that perfectly,” he laughs softly.

“I think I’d like for us to do that one day. Have our own Roman Holiday.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm,” you nod as a small smile comes to your face, “I think it would be a lot of fun. Plus, we’ve never actually been away together, obviously. When I have some more money saved up, we should go. Would you like that?”

“Anything I get to do with you is something I’d love.”

“I love you, Andy.”

“I love you, sweetheart.”

You two spend the rest of evening cooking dinner, planning when to move some of your stuff in, and deciding what time you both wanted to get up to go and look at furniture.

After almost falling asleep in bed, twice, you both decide it’s time to shower and call it a night. It’s the best shower you’ve ever had with another person, because there was nothing sexual about it. You both washed each other, made each other laugh, and at the end; he just holds you tight and kisses the top of your head.

You never knew love could feel this good.

“You’re not wearing your ring,” you yawn as you two settle under the covers and turn out the lights.

“Why should I?”

“You’re still married.”

“As far as I’m concerned, I’m not. I signed the papers and the only person I’m with is you.”

“Andy, people will notice.”

“Good,” is all he says before wrapping his arm around you and pulling you close. “That way, when they see us together, there won’t be anything to question.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, honey. Goodnight.”

You’re almost asleep when you remember, “babe?”

“Hmm?”

“Why did you get a place with three rooms.”

“Oh,” he comments softly and you feel him stiffen a little. “Well, ya know, for when Jacob and Sarah sleepover.”

“You’re gonna make them sleep in separate rooms?”

“Well, if they want options.”

“What are you not telling me?”

“Just...maybe one day...if you wanted to have a kid or kids with me...we have the space,” he confesses sheepishly.

You turn over in his hold, wide eyed and in complete disbelief, “what?”

“You obviously don’t need to think about it now, or even at all, it was just...just in case it is something you want.”

“You want a family with me?”

“I keep telling you that I want everything with you.”

“Even kids?”

“Marriage, kids, sharing an AARP membership,” he laughs, “all of it.”

“If we have kids, you’ll be like Atticus Finch.”

“Only in the sense that I’ll be an old lawyer. We won’t be poor and their mother won’t be dead.”

“That’s a good way to look at it,” you laugh.

“We’ll talk about it more in the morning. I love you, Y/N,” he smirks before kissing your forehead.

“I love you too, Atticus.”

As you drift into dream land, secure in Andy’s hold, you’re finally certain of at least one thing; this isn’t made up at all.

Its been a constant roller coaster for you and Andy in the following months after he first shows you the condo he got for you both. After helping Jacob and Sarah move into their new place, Andy told him that he had moved out while he was away, and of course Jacob wanted to go and see it instantly.

“Have you seen the my dad’s new place?” Jacob asks you two sit in your apartment two weeks later.

“Why would I have seen it?” you scoffed before you took a sip of your whiskey neat, trying to burn away the guilt.

“I don’t know, I figured he might’ve asked you for help or something. The place has an essence of you,” he chuckled.

“What does that even mean?”

“Like...some of the sheets in the bedroom, some of the kitchenware, the pillows...hell, even some of the paintings he got. I don’t know, it feels very you,” he shrugged as he grabbed the remote and turned on the TV.

All of the things you picked out.

“He seems happier though. Maybe this is just what they needed, time apart.”

“Meaning?”

“I don’t know...maybe there’s a chance they’ll get back together.”

“Is that what you want?”

“I don’t know,” he sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I mean, doesn’t every kid want their parents to work out their shit out?”

“Not when they’re toxic.”

“I don’t know, I guess with us going to look for rings soon, I’m looking for something to believe in. Believe that love lasts and that its real.”

“Stop it. You and Sarah are different.”

“How would you know?”

“I just do. Besides, maybe the person your father finds next will be the one.”

“I don’t wanna think about that,” Jacob scowled and it only made you feel worse.

“So, when are you gonna propose?” you asked before you downed the rest of your drink, trying to think of anything to make yourself feel a little less worse.

“December.”

“W-why December?”

“One, I just feel crazy right now. Graduation, the new job, adjusting to living with Sarah and paying bills, and all this shit with my parents...it’ll just be too much at once, ya know? Second, I think she’ll really love it if I propose to her at the ‘Festival of Lights’. It’s already the number one thing she looks forward to all year long, so why not propose then?”

“That’s a good point,” you muttered before you downed the rest of your drink.

Jacob spent the next few hours telling you about how torn he is about his parents, how he’s not sure how he’ll handle his parents moving on and his family splitting up, and how he wishes things were like they were before Ben’s murder.

It also didn’t help that Laurie still hadn’t signed the fucking papers.

“Sweetheart, when are you coming home?” Andy asked once you finally answered his call.

“I’m not coming over tonight,” you sobbed, curled up underneath your favorite blanket.

“What’s wrong, baby? What happened?”

“He’s gonna hate me, Andy, He’s never gonna talk to me again,” you cried.

“I’m on my way, sweetheart,” is all he said before hanging up.

Andy was at your place in 10 minutes.

“Sweetheart?” Andy called out, once he entered using the key you had made for him.

“In here,” you croaked out, not even bothering to move.

“Oh honey,” Andy cooed once he made his way into your bedroom. “Do you wanna talk about it?

All you could do was shake your head ‘no’ as you sniffled.

“Then we won’t talk about it,” he agreed as he kicked off his shoes before getting into bed with you, “I’ll just hold you until you feel better,” he cooed as he wrapped his arms around you kissed your forehead.

In moments like those, you were more than happy that you had Andy in your life. He gave you your space, he let you feel what you needed to feel, he never pressured you into telling him what the issue was, and whenever you were ready to tell him, he was patient and understanding.

However, it doesn’t go without saying that you two had your fair share of arguments about the situation you found yourself in.

“Why are you mad at me?!” Andy snapped as the two you got ready for bed.

“I don’t wanna talk about it, Andy.”

“Y/N-”

“I just had to stand there like a fucking idiot while you all took family pictures!”

“It was his graduation!”

“I should’ve just stayed home.”

“Stop it, Y/N.”

“Don’t you dare catch an attitude with me, Barber! You’re not in my position! You don’t know how this feels!”

“She’s his mother! What do you want me to do?!”

“I’m sleeping in the other room.”

“Can we please work this out? Don’t go to bed angry.”

“Andy, I’m tired and-”

“What do you want me to do? You’ve heard the phone calls, I’ve offered her everything and she still won’t sign the papers. I’ve threatened legal action and she still won’t sign the papers. You want us to go to her right now and tell her about us? Lets go. You wanna call Jacob right now? We can. I love you. I want to be with you. I am with you!”

In that moment, you felt embarrassingly small.

“Can we just get away?” you questioned as you covered your face with your hands. “Lets just go on a trip. It doesn’t have to be some big to-do, but lets just get the fuck out of here for a while. I feel like I’m split in two and since Jacob is dead set on a December proposal, the feeling isn’t going to go away any time soon.”

“We’ll go away soon, sweetheart. I promise,” he sighed as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Please sleep in here tonight.”

“Yeah, fine.”

“Baby-”

“I’m just...I’m just tired, Andy. Lets just go to bed,” you muttered as you got into bed.

Andy sighed heavily in response before he got into bed and pulled you close.

“I love you, sweetheart. You set the pace for all of this. I just want to be with you. Only you,” he whispered before he kissed the back of your neck.

It’s very rare that you ever find yourself truly angry with Andy. No, he’s not perfect, but he does his best to be perfect for you. Overall, you both are extremely happy, even with things as fucked up as they are.

Your anger is mainly fueled by your frustration. You know that if you leave it up to Andy, he’ll tell everyone everything in an instant.

However, you’re about to railroad Jacob’s whole life, and he deserves better than you fucking up his ideal proposal. Which is why, when he wanted you to spend your birthday with him and Sarah, you didn’t put up a fuss. You spent your morning and afternoon with them, and you spent your night with Andy; him taking you out to dinner and you finishing the night bouncing up and down on his cock.

When Jacob wanted you to go over to his place to hangout, you went without fuss or complaint. When it came to your home with Andy, you accepted with grace that you couldn’t have pictures of the two of you up, just because Jacob liked to frequent his dad’s place. You constantly talk yourself into accepting how things are, because after Christmas, things are about to change drastically.

“Laurie, what do you want me to do? If Jacob wants her at the propsal, he wants her at the proposal,” Andy sighs, plopping down on the sofa next to you, and wrapping an arm around you. “They’re best friends, Laurie. If you’re gonna be this crazy about it, talk to Jacob. This isn’t my proposal...alright, I’m not getting into this, I’m going. Bye,” he snaps before hanging up. “She won’t be my wife forever, she won’t be my wife forever,” he mutters to himself as he pulls you close.

“I can say that I’m sick and not show up-”

“No,” he instantly cuts you off, “you’re going to be there and she’s going to deal with it. She doesn’t even know we’re together, so it’s just her being paranoid.”

“I don’t want her to keep giving you a hard time.”

“She’s hellbent on always giving me a hard time. Don’t worry about it.”

“Andy-”

“Don’t worry about it, honey,” he repeats in a firmer yet gentle tone.

You sigh before straddling him, “how can I make you feel better?”

“It’s not fair when you ask that question and you’re in this position,” he whines.

You dip down and whisper seductively in his ear, “you know I’m yours to use however you want, daddy.”

“Y/N,” he growls, gripping hips tight.

“Take what’s yours, daddy,” you moan, grinding yourself against him.

“Sweet girl,” he husks.

“Tell me what you want.”

“I want you to sit on my face, sweet girl. Ride my face until I’m drowning in cum from that sweet pussy.”

“Oh daddy,” you whimper, picking up your pace.

“Then, I’m gonna abuse both your holes because daddy needs to relieve some stress.”

“I’ve missed having you in my ass, daddy!”

“Yeah, well get ready for a long-”

“Dad!” Jacob calls from the other side of the door, knocking a little aggressively.

“Fuck,” Andy breathes into the crook of your neck.

“I’ll make myself scarce-”

“No no, I’ll think of something to tell him by the time I’m at the front door. Fuck, we’re picking this up the second he leaves.”

“I’m betting on it,” you giggle softly.

You moan as you get off of him, the friction of your panties rubbing against your now extremely sensitive clit only making you more desperate, and Andy’s quick to give you that look.

“I know, daddy: I can’t cum until you say so.”

“There’s a good girl,” he smirks at you before getting up, readjusting his pants, and slowly making his way to the front door.

You quickly turn on the TV (happy that it’s Turner Classic Movies) before heading into the kitchen and making drinks for you and Andy.

“Hey bud, what’s up?”

“I need to talk to you,” Jacob mutters, pushing right past Andy. “Should I propose-”

“Hey Jake,” you smile, popping out from the kitchen and holding a glass out to Andy, which he happily takes.

“What are you doing here?”

“I had a few legal questions for Andy about my parents, because they’ve been driving me crazy. The more I talked about it, the more I got upset, so we turned on Turner Classic Movies, and I just made us some drinks. I figured we’d dive back in soon.”

“You could’ve just come to me, ya know.”

“Are you a lawyer?”

“Don’t be an asshole-”

“Jacob!” Andy snaps.

“You know what I mean,” he rolls his eyes, “you could’ve talked to me.”

“You’ve been so stressed lately, I didn’t want to add on anymore.”

“I wouldn’t have-”

“Yes, you would have. Whenever I bring up how upset my parents make me, you get pissed off and worked up.”

“You don’t tell me anything anymore!”

“It’s one thing, Jake.”

“Whatever.”

“Jake, you didn’t come here to argue with me, I’ll go-”

“We’ll go into my office, you sit down and calm down,” Andy tells you softly.

You want to say something, but you know there’s no use. As Andy leads Jacob to his office, you resume your seat on the sofa and do your best to focus on the movie on the screen, but now you’re irritated.

For the last few months, when you tell either Sarah or Andy something before you tell him, he catches an attitude. The only thing that you’ve purposely kept a secret from him is your relationship with Andy, and it’s obvious why. Hell, he was pissy with you for being secretive about his birthday until the actual surprise. Even then, he gave you a half-ass apology. You don’t know when he started getting so selfish with you, but you’re really growing tired of it.

Until he starts hating you for being with Andy, Jacob is still your best friend, and you’ve done your best to show him that. By the time both men come out of the office, you can tell that Jacob is more at ease, but it’s also clear (to you at least) that Andy is trying his best to hide his frustration.

“Y/N, you’re gonna be there tomorrow, right?” Jacob asks, standing in the doorway.

“Are you done being a dick?”

“You know I’m sorry-”

“That would be something hard to know since you never fucking said it.”

“I really am sorry, Y/N. I don’t know whats gotten into me lately, but I don’t mean any of it. I’m just frustrated and I took it out on you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, Jake. Just don’t make a habit of taking your anger out on me, please. I’ll see you tomorrow,” you smile softly.

Jacob just nods before practically running out.

“He should be wearing a jacket,” you mutter as Andy closes the door.

You’re about to ask him what’s going on, when he suddenly throws you over his shoulder, “unbutton your jeans,” is all he said as he starts on his way up the stairs.

Maybe you won’t make it tomorrow.

“Take them off,” he demands, tossing you down on the bed before taking off his shirt and undoing his pants, “and take your fucking shirt and bra off too.”

You want to tell him to calm down and ask him what happened, but you’ve never seen him this angry before, and your hormones are winning the battle.

He lays down next and motions for you to come over, “come take a ride on daddy’s face, sweet girl.”

And just like that, you’re doing any and everything he wants.

You were already expecting Andy to be rough with you, but you didn’t think he’d be as rough as he is. It’s not like you mind or that it hurts, in fact you’ll probably ask him to act like this more often, but pleasure aside: something is wrong.

“Come on, sweet girl, give it to me,” he grunts, fucking you hard from behind, pushing you to your limit for the third time.

“Daddy,” you mindlessly moan, clawing at the sheets that you’re more than sure are ruined.

“This cunt is amazing, sweetheart! You’re being such a good little girl for me!” he praises, slapping your ass hard.

“Fuck!”

“There she is! The way this pussy clenches me!”

“Fuck! Daddy!” you cry out, squirting on his cock for what feels like the millionth time, as your body gets lost in another mind-numbing orgasm.

“Good girl,” he grunts, coating your inner walls with his desire.

He hovers for a moment, panting above you before he pulls out, and you think he’s finally spent.

“Get on your back, sweet girl,” he husks, pinning you down.

Alright, what the fuck is going on?

“Andy, baby...wait.”

“What’s wrong? Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

“Baby, I’m perfect, but you...you aren’t,” you breathe, trying to get your thoughts together, “what’s wrong?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he mutters before dipping down to kiss you, but you turn your head away just in time. “Sweet girl-”

“No Andy. We can go all night if you want to, just like this, but you gotta talk to me, baby, please. What happened?”

“Please-”

“Andy, this doesn’t work if we don’t talk to each other.”

He lets out an exasperated sigh before collapsing next you on the bed and staring up at the ceiling, “Laurie told Jacob I started seeing someone.”

“I’m sorry, she did what?!”

“He obviously doesn’t know it’s you, but he did have questions about you...us. I obviously lied and he bought it, but it’s only gonna make everything worse in the long run.”

“Did he say anything about it?”

“Well, he wants to meet her,” he scoffs, running one of his frustrated hands through damp his hair, “he’s a little upset because he was holding out hope, but he understands.”

“Do you want to just tell him now?”

“No, because you’re right; him finding out before proposing would ruin everything. Everything is tied into one, sweetheart,” he sighs heavily.

“What are you not telling me, baby?”

“The reason he came over initially...he was having cold feet about proposing to Sarah, because...he figured out that he has feelings for you.”

“Jesus Christ,” you groan into your hands.

You can’t catch a fucking break.

“I asked him if he could see himself having a real future with you if he broke it off with Sarah, and he said no. He said that he isn’t in love, but he didn’t realize just how much he was used to being the only one in your life until he stopped being the only person you spend your time with. He swears it’s just a crush and that he’ll get over it. That’s when he asked if anything was going on between us and I told him that we’re just friends. I know for a fact that this is why Laurie said anything, because she wants her suspicions confirmed. To pull this shit now though? The day before he’s supposed to propose? That’s a fucking low blow, even for her.”

“We’ll just...we’ll deal with it after Christmas, okay baby?”

“Sweetheart, you don’t have to-”

“Hey, we are in this together. This is something we both decided to do and I’m all in. Whatever we have to face, we’ll face it together. Good or bad.”

“You know this means we’re gonna have to be even more discreet, right?”

“Yeah, I know,” you sigh, finally turning on your side to look at him, “but it won’t always be like this,” you smile weakly.

Andy raises himself up on his elbow and looks you over, before cupping your face and giving you one of the most passionate kisses hes ever given you, “I love you.”

“I love you.”

“Ya know, you did say that we can go all night just like we were...”

“We can do whatever you wanna do, daddy,” you smirk as he chuckles before kissing you again.

You both go for another two rounds before deciding that you need it to call it a night. However, neither of you actually goes to sleep. Andy just holds you close while leaning against the headboard, stroking your arm gently, while you lay your head on his chest. Not a word is spoken as you two lookout the window; up at the moon, it’s just a silent understanding that very soon, things are going to become very hectic and chaotic.

“Why aren’t you coming to the ‘Festival of Lights’?!” Sarah whines into the phone and you laugh.

“I have some things I need to take care of.”

“You better not be putting Andy before me.”

“I’m not!” you laugh, coming up to a red light, “Christmas is a week away and I’ve got some last minute things to do.”

“Y/N!”

“Listen, it’s not my fault they choose the worst time to do this every year. A lot’s been going on.”

“Is everything okay?”

“I mean, yes and no.”

“Uh oh, what happened? What did the Wicked Witch do now?”

“Don’t worry-”

“No no, talk to me. Tell me what’s going on.”

“Laurie told Jacob that Andy has started seeing someone.”

“Shut the fuck up!”

“To make matters worse,” you start as the light turns green and you pull off, “I was over when Jacob came over last night, and of course he asked Andy about it.”

“Oh no.”

“And of course, Andy lied.”

“Fuck.”

“So, thanks for that, Laurie.”

“Why not just tell him?”

“And ruin his Christmas? No thanks.”

“That’s a fair point. He’s actually so excited this year. Christmas morning with you, lunch with Andy and my parents, then dinner with Laurie. He’s planned the shit out of it,” she laughs softly. “What about you and Andy?”

“He’s coming to get me as soon as you two leave for dinner,” you chuckle.

“Ugh, I’m so happy for you two. You’ve been so much happier these last few months, and the fact that he got a home for you both? Y/N, I’m so damn happy for you.”

“Thanks, babe.”

“Oh, I hear footsteps approaching, we’ll talk about this more later, okay?”

“Sounds good,” you smile as you pull up to the town square, “I love you.”

“I love you,” she beams before hanging up.

As you park your car, you see Laurie standing next to Andy, and you mentally prepare yourself not to punch her face in on site.

“Oh thank God you’re here!” Sarah’s mom laughs, as you get out and open your trunk. “You know how everything is supposed to look and Jacob was a nervous wreck when he was here earlier.”

“He wasn’t that bad,” Laurie laughs following behind her.

“Sorry sorry, things ran a little late at work, but I’m here now and we’ve got...2 hours to get this done! We can-”

“Hour and a half,” Andy interjects with a laugh. “Jacob is a little too excited for Christmas this year, so Sarah wants to show up early.”

“Well...shit, okay then,” you laugh awkwardly. “I guess we should get to work.

As everyone gets to work on setting up the “proposal area”, you can’t help but notice how much Laurie is clinging to Andy, and how much Andy is trying to keep his distance. The whole thing wants to make you scream, but what can you do? What can you say? As far as everyone knows, you and Andy are nothing more than acquaintances.

So, you have no other option but to sit and watch?

An hour into setting up, your phone buzzes and you assume it’s Jacob, but a small smile comes to your face when you read the name on your phone.

My Heart: I know we said we won’t see each other again until Christmas, but I really want to see you tonight.

Y/N: Baby, you know we can’t.

My Heart: Laurie is driving me insane, all I wanna do is kiss you, and I hate sleeping alone.

Y/N: Christmas will be here before you know it, baby. Besides, we’ll find other alternatives while we wait. As for Laurie, I’m ready wring her fucking neck if she puts her hands on you one more time. What the fuck is she even talking about?

My Heart: How excited she is and reminiscing about how we used to talk about this day all the time.

Y/N: Of course she fucking is, because I guarantee you she doesn’t think that Jacob talked to you about what she fucking said.

My Heart: I wanna say something so bad, but this isn’t the fucking time or place, and I’m not gonna argue with her before Christmas.

Y/N: We’ll sort all of this soon. Today isn’t about any of this. Jacob and Sarah have been through a lot and I just want this to be perfect for them.

My Heart: I am so in love with you, did you know that?

Y/N: That’s good to hear, because the feeling is mutual :)

You look up and over at him for just a split second, and see the biggest smile on his face, and a small one comes to yours. God, you can’t to truly be with him. When your phone buzzes again, you know who it is before even checking it.

The Dark Lord: We’re on our way!

“Alright everyone, they’re on their way, so finish up and get to your spots,” you happily announce, tying up your last bow.

Everything is perfect, it’s even snowing, but you’re still annoyed. You completely understand why Laurie and Andy’s hiding spot is together, but it’s painfully clear that Laurie isn’t going down without a fight. Yeah, Andy will turn down all of her advances, but she shouldn’t be trying anything anyway. Whether or not you’re with Andy, he’s made it perfectly clear that he just wants to move on, and she refuses to accept that.

Also, yes, he’s your boyfriend so everyone needs to back off.

However, you can’t focus on that right now. Jacob and Sarah will be arriving any moment, and you’re the one in charge of recording everything.

Thank God you finally hear Sarah’s voice.

“Jacob, c’mon! I wanna do the maze while it’s still snowing!” she calls and you force yourself not to giggle.

“I had to grab something from the car, take a walk with me really quick though.”

“Babe-”

“I have a surprise for you,” he laughs softly as he takes her hand and starts to walk towards the spot that’s been set up for them. “Now, I know nothing about this relationship has really been normal or easy, for fucks sake, we started talking because you wanted to tip me off about what Derick said over a murder case,” he shakes his head in disbelief. “Yet, here we are all these years later, still in love and making it work. There’s no one else I can see myself having a future with and there’s no one else I want a future with.”

“Jacob-”

“I am moody, messy, argumentative, and I always forget to clean the coffee grinds out of the sink, but Sarah...I love you. I have always loved you and I will always love you. So,” he starts as he gets down on one knee and ‘Reflecting Light’ by Sam Phillips starts playing, “will you do me the honor of being my wife?”

Sarah doesn’t hesitate for a second.

“Of course!” she squeals, almost knocking him over with a hug.

Everyone soon erupts into cheers and applause as they come out of their hiding spots, and you finally stop recording.

“You sneaky little bitch!” Sarah exclaims when she sees you. “I love you so much!”

“I love you too,” you laugh as she almost knocks you over.

“You know you’re my maid of honor right?!”

“You sure about that?” you laugh as you two break apart, cocking an eyebrow.

“I’ve never been so sure of anything,” she promises with a nod.

Thank God for loyal friends.

Soon enough, it was time for photos and you do your best to mask the pain you feel when you Laurie hanging all over Andy. You know she’s doing it for show, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. You want so badly to be in those photos and not some secret. You want so badly to just feel like it’s really real.

When she kisses Andy on the cheek, you’re not sure how you’re able to hold yourself back from smacking the shit out of her.

‘This isn’t about you or Andy. Control yourself,’ you tell yourself mentally.

“Y/N, you should get in some of these pictures,” Andy calls, giving you a small smile.

So much for being more discreet.

“What? Why?” Laurie questions, very obviously upset.

“She’s their best friend and has been there for them almost as long as their relationship, She’s practically apart of the family. Besides, she’s also the one came up with the design for all of this and got the decorations.”

“That’s a fair point,” Laurie begrudgingly agrees.

Well. Shit.

You’re about to stand on the other side of Laurie when Andy says, “here, stand between Laurie and I.”

“What? Why?”

“She can’t stand between Jacob and me or between Jacob or Sarah. She obviously stand between Sarah and her parents.”

“But why between us?”

“Why does it matter? It’s not like we’re together anymore.”

Fuck.

“It’s not a big deal, Mr. Barber, I can stand on the other side of-”

“No, that’s okay,” Laurie smiles the best she can, trying and failing to mask her pain, anger, and embarrassment. “You can stand between Andy and I.”

You and Sarah exchange a quick look before you stand between Andy and Laurie, and the smile that comes to your face is genuine. Not only is Andy going out of his way to make sure you’re included, but he’s also taking a stand.

He’s standing up to Laurie.

Yes, Andy’s a good man and you’re more than sure it hurt him to hurt and embarrass her, but it’s not like she didn’t draw first blood. From the look on Laurie’s face, she could tell that he really isn’t coming back.

He isn’t going to and he doesn’t want to.

You can’t stop yourself when he comes over later that night. Yeah, you two agreed to be more discreet, but after the massive display of affection he showed, waiting till Christmas feels a little more impossible.

However, that night was the only slip up you two had. From then until Christmas Eve, it was only texts, phone calls, and FaceTime. The only reason you went home (his place) on Christmas Eve was because he invited Sarah and Jacob over to decorate the Christmas tree, and Jacob invited you.

You both tried to hide how happy you were about doing something so simple together, but the look on Sarah’s let you know that she could see right through it. All she did was offer a small and subtle smile.

As silly as it seems, it was one of the best nights of your life.

You can’t think about that right now, though. You can’t even think about Andy, because you’ll get too excited and Jacob will start asking questions. In a few hours, you’ll be having the best Christmas ever, but for now, you need to focus.

“So, have you met my dad’s new girlfriend?” Jacob asks as you all finish up breakfast.

“Leave her alone, babe,” Sarah coos, collecting the plates and taking them all to your kitchen.

“It’s just a simple question.”

“Why do you think I’ve met her?” you ask sheepishly, quickly grabbing your coffee and taking sip; doing your best to hide your face.

“You two just seem pretty friendly-”

“You saw me at his house once and it was just to ask legal advice. There’s no reason for me to know anything else about his personal life, Jake.”

Lie.

“Speaking of that, how the hell are you gonna handle Christmas with your parents?”

“In and out for both. I’ll pop in, drop off gifts, and come back here, make dinner, and watch Christmas movies.”

Another lie.

“That sounds lonely, you wanna come with us to have dinner with my mom?”

“Nah, I’m pretty sure she just wants to spend time with you two.”

Truth.

“Lunch with my dad and Sarah’s family?”

“I have gifts to give,” you laugh humorlessly.

Another fucking lie.

“I just know that Christmas is your favorite and I feel bad about you spending it all alone.”

“It’s really okay, Jake. I’m fine with it. Being alone isn’t so bad. I’ll have ice cream, booze, and my favorite holiday movies. I’ll be fine.”

Lie, lie, lie.

“If you say so,” he sighs as he gets up, “but we gotta get going. We’re meeting my dad at Sarah’s parents’ house, then it’s off to my mother’s. This would be a lot simpler if they could’ve just stayed together,” he grumbles.

Ah, yes. There it is: guilt.

“We’ve had this talk, Jake: it’s for the better.”

“I know, I know, but still.”

“Just do your best to enjoy the day, okay?”

“I guess. I love you and I hope you enjoy your gifts,” he smiles as you both stand up and he engulfs you in a huge hug.

“I love you too, Jake. Merry Christmas.”

“We’ll see you after New Year?” Sarah asks as she makes her way over to you.

“Yeah, lets all do lunch on the 14th. Sound good?”

“It’s perfect,” she smiles as she wraps you in a tight hug. “Enjoy your time with him, you both love each other so much. I left the food you asked for in the fridge and Jake has no idea,” she whispers.

“Thank you, Sarah. For everything. I love you,” you whisper back, hugging her just a little bit tighter, before breaking away.

“I guess we’re off,” she sighs as she makes her way over to Jacob.

“You just gotta get through today then you two are on vacation,” you laugh.

“Thank God.”

The second they’re out the door, you’re pulling out Andy’s gifts and wrapping them. It would’ve been done earlier, but with Andy soaking up every single free moment you have since you two can’t see each other, it wasn’t going to happen.

You both agreed to small gifts, but you knew Andy was bullshitting, so you went a little over your budget (nothing you couldn’t make up with overtime), and got him a couple of pricey gifts you knew he’d love and find useful.

You take your time showering, feeling both anxious and excited about spending an almost normal Christmas Andy. The fact that, soon enough, you two will be able to have a real relationship and not have to hide in the shadows. You’ll live together, shop together, fall asleep together, talk about your days in person, have dinner together...all of it. So many things that are done in private, will finally be able to happen freely in the public.

Soon, you and Andy will finally have the life you’ve both been desperately seeking for over a year.

You decide on dressing in your favorite Christmas leggings and pull on the AC/DC crew neck he’s always happy to see you in. Just as you finish brushing out your hair, your phone buzzes and the butterflies appear all over again.

My Heart: On my way, sweetheart.

The squeal that leaves your mouth even causes you to laugh.

You gather all your groceries for dinner, as well as, gifts and a few more clothes you want to move into your home with Andy, before checking that everything is off and away as it should be. Then, you quickly making your way downstairs to the parking garage and waiting for him.

When he pulls in a few minutes later, you can tell he’s laughing without the window even being open.

“I would’ve come up to get you,” he laughs as you get into his car.

“I was too excited! Merry Christmas!” you beam, wrapping your arms around him and engulfing him in a tight hug.

“Merry Christmas, baby,” he chuckles softly, “you ready to go home?”

“Always.”

The entire time Andy is driving, you sing all of your favorite Christmas songs loud and off key.

And he’s begging you to stop.

“Okay, now I know that for next Christmas, I need to hide all things that provide music,” Andy sighs as you two make your way inside the house.

“You loved every second of it, I don’t care what you say,” you smirk as set up your presents up underneath the tree.

“Yeah yeah, which present do you wanna open-”

“No no, there’s an art to this. For starters, you should be wearing something Christmas-y, not jeans and a sweater.”

“I don’t have anything Christmas-y,” he chuckles and you shake your head.

“I thought you’d say that, that’s why I got you this!”

“I’m not wearing that.”

“Andy, you can’t break Christmas rules.”

“Since when is wearing a ridiculous sweater a Christmas rule?”

“Since you decided you’re in love with me. Now, put this on, along with some sweatpants, and I’ll make the drinks.”

“I’m about to have the longest Christmas ever, aren’t I?”

“You bet your ass, now change,” you giggle as you make your way into the kitchen.

You hear Andy huff before he starts on his way upstairs, and giggle a little as you get to work on the hot chocolates. Once the stove is hot enough, you start mixing everything together before grabbing a few of the appetizers you asked Andy to get out of the freezer, and preheating the oven.

“I’m not coming downstairs,” Andy calls from the top of the stairs.

“Oh, stop it! It’s not the bunny outfit from ‘A Christmas Story’, it’s just an ugly sweater.”

“It’s the ugliest sweater.”

“C’mon, Christmas grump.”

“I’m not a Christmas grump,” he mumbles as he starts making his down the steps. The second you see him, you burst out laughing and he rolls his eyes. “I’m not wearing this ever again.”

“It’s okay to look ridiculous, babe,” you giggle, “I do it every day.”

“You’ve never looked ridiculous a day in your life,” he smirks as he makes his way over to you, snaking his arms around your waist.

“You’re sweet. How was lunch?”

“How was breakfast?”

“That bad, huh?”

“Sarah’s dad was telling me about all the women he could set me up with and Jacob kept asking me about my new girlfriend.”

“He tried to ask me about your new girlfriend too.”

“I could scream at Laurie.”

“It’s Christmas, babe. Don’t think about it,” you sigh as pour the hot chocolate into two mugs. “We’re gonna have a shit show to deal with after New Year, so lets just enjoy today.”

“Why is the oven on?”

“So I can heat up the appetizers?”

“Don’t tell me you’re gonna start making dinner before we open gifts,” he groans, resting his head in the crook of your neck as you start laughing.

“Babe, it’s late! I should’ve started making dinner a while ago!”

“Who needs dinner?”

“Andy.”

“I wanna know what you got me!”

“I didn’t know that I’m in love with a child.”

“According to the town, I am.”

“Fuck you!” you laugh as you feel him smirk against your shoulder. “One gift, Andy.”

“That means you have to open one too.”

“I wanna wait.”

“You’re difficult, you know that?”

“You’re one to talk,” you grin.

“Fine, I’ll wait to open my gift,” he huffs and you can’t stop yourself from giggling. “What’s for dinner tonight?”

“You’ll just have to wait and see.”

“Are you gonna be like this every Christmas?”

“Uh huh,” you smile, pouring Baileys into his hot chocolate then yours, “and you’re gonna love it.”

Andy takes a seat at the kitchen island and starts telling you about the traditions him and his mom had up until she passed away, while you get the appetizers together and put them in the oven. Just as you close the oven door, ‘The Christmas Song’ starts playing and you don’t even notice that he’s standing right behind you.

“Andy-”

“I think we should dance, don’t you?”

“You never fail to surprise me,” you laugh softly.

He pulls you close and you two slowly dance to one of your absolute favorite songs, and it feels like a dream.

Being with Andy is a dream come true.

When the song comes to and end, Andy continues to hold you close and rests his head on top of yours.

“I just want to stay in this moment for a minute,” he states softly, “I’ve waited for you for so long, and I’ve loved you...I just want us to stay like this for a moment. We finally got here, babe, and I just want to live in the moment that has made me the happiest I’ve ever been.”

“I love you, Andy.”

“I love you, Y/N.”

You both just stand there and hold each other until the timer goes off on the stove.

You place a soft kiss on his chest before letting go of him and opening the stove, “alright, I made a few different things, because options are always a good thing.”

“That and you’re terrible at making decisions.”

“Both can be true,” you huff before sticking your tongue out at him and he chuckles. “What Christmas movie would you like to watch?”

“I don’t really have a favorite. I guess, ‘The Shop Around The Corner’? That was my mom’s favorite.”

“She had great taste,” you smile at him as you finish set up the plate, before you both head into the living room.

For the first hour, everything is perfect and Andy teases you for being able quote the movie line for line.

However, dreams do have their bumps from time to time.

“Fuck,” you mutter as your phone starts going off.

“What’s wrong?”

“I know who it is and I don’t wanna talk to her.”

“You don’t have to answer, sweetheart.”

“Yeah I do, or she’ll just keep calling,” you mutter, sitting up and grabbing your phone. “Hello?”

“Well, merry Christmas to you too,” your mother laughs and you roll your eyes. “When are you coming over? David and I are waiting.”

“Who the hell is David?”

“My boyfriend.”

“What the hell happened to Eric?”

“Oh, we broke up months ago.”

“Of course you did. Anyway, I told you last night that I’m not coming over.”

“Y/N-”

“I’m not arguing about this with you again. I don’t want to see you and I don’t wanna see dad. I don’t need either of you ruining my favorite holiday.”

“Y/N, I know we’ve had our differences but this used to be our-”

“Don’t. This was our holiday until you deiced that I don’t matter anymore. I did one Christmas without you both and it was almost near perfect. I think I’ll survive another one just fine without you two.”

“If you don’t see your dad-”

“You ruined it when you decided that I don’t matter. It doesn’t matter if I see him or not, you’ll always talk shit about him, and he’ll always talk shit about you. Now, I’m actually enjoying my day and I’m not about to ruin it by arguing with you. I love you and Merry Christmas,” you finish with an exasperated sigh before hanging up.

You feel your tears coming on and you know you shouldn’t be, but you’re upset with yourself. Why let her get to you? Why let either of them get to you? They chose to make it this way and you’ve made your peace with that, so why are you so worked up now?

“Talk to me, honey. What’s going on?” Andy questions, pausing the movie and pulling you close.

“It’s so fucking stupid,” you sob, wiping your eyes, “I’m ruining everything.”

“Hey, no you aren’t. What’s going on?”

“Christmas was such a big deal when I was child because we didn’t have any money. We made ornaments, stayed up on Christmas Eve to decorate our shitty tree and watch movies, then on Christmas Day my mom would make a big breakfast,” you chuckle softly, sniffling a little. “We’d eat, sing and dance around to Christmas songs, watch more movies, have a small lunch, and we’d get around to presents late in the afternoon. I never cared about them much, because I knew they couldn’t afford a lot. The only thing I cared about was that we were happy. For two days out of the year, we were all really happy and we were happy together.

Then as I got older, and they started arguing more, Christmas became a day for just my mom and I. She knew how much it meant to me and she wanted me to still have that feeling. She wanted me to know that even though things were changing, some things would always stay the same. It was alright for a while, but after the divorce...it just got so nasty. I would split my day with them, which would be an argument on its own, because the both them wanted me for the day. I would spend the morning and evening with her, then finish the day with him. Yeah, they had money at that point so they showered me with gifts, but they would just talk shit about each other to me. The whole spirit and idea of it was ruined. Last year was the first Christmas I spent alone and it was the first time that I loved it again since I was 15. There was no arguing, no feelings of guilt that I could letting one of them down, and no anger. It was me, my TV, ice cream, wine, and a quiet dinner.

Now, I get to spend it with you and I’m so fucking happy, because even without the gifts, this is the best. I have you and I really couldn’t ask for anything else,” you smile at him as more tears start to come.

“But?”

“Jacob doesn’t understand how lucky he is at times. Even with you and Laurie split up, he still got to see the both of you today. You’re a gentleman, so I know you didn’t say anything awful about Laurie, and for as awful as Laurie is, she knows how much Jacob worships the ground you walk on, so she’s not going to say anything terrible about you. Even if it’s not together, he still gets to see the both of you and enjoy it. He gets to bring Sarah with him and know he won’t be embarrassed or have to apologize for the actions of his parents. My parents fucking hate each other and that’s never going to change, and I know for a fact that if I were to ever bring you on the holidays, it’ll be a shit show.

They’ll spend the whole time just tearing each other down. I’m so fucking mad at them for doing this. For just tearing apart something that meant so much to me. That means something to me. Christmas was such a special time for us and it was everything, and now I’ll never enjoy it with them again. The one thing that would bring us together is now one of the many things that keeps us apart,” you cry.

“Sweetheart,” Andy coos, pulling onto his lap and you lay your head on his shoulder, “that’s not stupid at all. It’s okay to be upset about something that’s upsetting. Your parents have had more than enough time to get their shit together, and the fact that they refuse to is utter bullshit. You told your mother last night that you weren’t coming over, and she still called and tried to act like it was something that hadn’t been discussed. That’s fucked up, and no matter what’s happened over time, she knows how much today means to you. It’s fucked up and it’s selfish. Don’t feel like you’re ruining anything by being rightfully upset, because you’re not.”

“I should start on dinner,” you sniff, wiping your eyes as you go to get up, but Andy’s hold on you is strong.

“Hey, I love you, Y/N,” he tells you as he softly forces your gaze on him with his free hand. “It’s okay to open up to me about your past, you know that.”

“I don’t want you to go away, Andy.”

“I’ve told you I’m not and I mean that, why don’t you trust that?”

“Because you’re too good to be true,” you laugh humorlessly, “I keep waiting for you to go, because all of this is a lot. I’m a lot to deal with.”

“Babe, I got us a home,” he chuckles, “what else do you need me to do? You want me to propose?”

“Andy.”

“Listen, I think about it every single day. I want everything with you forever. I’ll propose to and marry you today if that’s what it takes for you to believe me.”

You don’t even think about it; you just cup his face and kiss him passionately. As always, you want to get lost in Andrew Steven Barber and every emotion he makes you feel. Even if it all crashes and burns, everything he makes you feel lets you know that all of this is worth it.

He truly is the love of your life.

“I should start on dinner,” you breathe once you two break apart.

“After the movie?”

“It’s getting late and-”

“Please?”

You’ll never tell him no.

“Right after.”

“Sounds good to me,” he smiles at you before pressing play on the movie.

You two barely watch the movie, because neither of you can keep your hands off of each other, but the second it comes to an end, you’re practically pushing Andy off of you.

“Just a little bit longer,” he begs breathlessly.

“Judging by what I just felt on my inner thigh, we won’t get anything else done tonight,” you laugh.

“Tonight?”

“I’ll make you so happy tonight, daddy,” you promise in the innocent tone that makes him insanely feral.

“Don’t start,” he warns with a low growl as he gets off of you.

“Punish me for it later,” you wink, getting up and letting up a little yelp when he slaps your ass. “Don’t get ahead of yourself, daddy.”

“I swear to God, you’re gonna ruin me,” he groans and you laugh. “What am I supposed to do while you’re cooking?”

“Watch ‘A Charlie Brown Christmas’,” you shrug before walking out of the room, and you hear him scoff.

You start going over everything that you two discussed over in your head as you start on dinner and it feels as if your heart is about to burst open.

Yes, hes told you he wants everything with you multiple times, but the fact that he’s so ready to marry you? It’s not something he said just put you at ease, and you could tell by the look in his eyes.

You know that he’s happy to wait and you’re so happy he’s so patient with you, because the reality of someone genuinely loving and wanting you is something you still aren’t able to able to believe.

However, that’s not something you wanna focus on right now. It’s Christmas and you’ve got a dinner to prepare.

You notice that the water is finally boiling and you frown. You hate this part.

You sigh as you open the fridge and take out the stapled plastic bag. “Sorry buddy, I really don’t wanna do this.”

You take the lobster out of the bag, place it on the cutting board, and look at it. You wanna call Andy in and ask him to kill it, but it’s supposed to be a surprise, so that would defeat the purpose. Sure, you can close your eyes, but knowing you, that’ll more than likely make things worse. Usually, you can get Sarah or Jacob to do it, but that’s obviously not an option right now.

You’ve just got to do it.

You pick up the knife and hold it directly over the lobster’s head, “I’m so sorry!” you exclaim before stabbing it.

You’re quick to remove the rubber bands on its claws and throw it into the pot, before throwing the knife into the sink.

You’re a murderer.

“What’s going on in here?” Andy asks as he makes his way into the kitchen.

“Nothing nothing,” you smile as you quickly cover the lid.

“Who were you apologizing to?” he asks as he cocks an eyebrow.

“Dinner.”

“What the hell are you making?” he laughs.

“You just wait and see. Now, out of the kitchen!”

“I want a drink,” he says with a coy smile as he makes his way over to the cabinet and grabs a glass.

“Don’t try and get slick with me, Barber,” you laugh.

“I’m not trying anything,” he shrugs as he pours himself a drink, but you see the smile playing on his lips.

“Out of the kitchen.”

“I miss you.”

“You’re nosey.”

“Both can be true.”

“Andy!” you laugh, pushing him playfully.

“I’ll leave you alone...for now,” his tone foreboding as he starts to walk away, “but I’ll be back.”

“Out of the kitchen!” you laugh before sticking your tongue out at him.

From that moment on, Andy won’t give you a moment of peace. He’s either trying to call you out of the kitchen or he pops in to bother you.

“You’re making steak? Now we’re getting somewhere!” he beams as he pops up behind you, causing you to jump.

“You’re honestly the worst person to make dinner for,” you giggle as he wraps his arms around you.

“In my defense, we usually make dinner together.”

“That’s a shitty defense. I’m appalled, District Attorney Barber.”

“I can’t really make a good case when you look this good,” he mumbles against your neck before kissing it. “What was in the pot earlier?”

“Food.”

“Why won’t you tell me?”

“Because dinner is almost ready!”

“Did you make this salad yourself? A homemade chicken ceasar salad?”

“Andrew Steven Barber, go away!”

“How much longer do I have to wait?”

“Keep it up and I’ll send you to bed without supper.”

“You’re mean on Christmas,” he mutters and you laugh. “Jacob’s been calling and texting you.”

“What did he say?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t go through your phone.”

“I don’t care. You know my passcode, just check it and tell me.”

“So, I have permission to leave and come back into the kitchen?”

“I’m going to fight you,” you giggle.

“I just wanna make sure I’m not breaking any rules. I don’t wanna get banished from our home.”

“You are such a pain in the ass,” you chuckle as he leaves the room.

It’s quiet for only a few moments before you hear, “well, it seems like he had an eventful dinner.”

“Uh oh.”

“By the time they arrived, Laurie was drunk and Sarah had to help her finish dinner.”

“Fuck.”

“Do you want me to read the rest?”

“Might as well.”

“She cried over me moving on and away and said that if I give her another chance, she’ll be better.”

“Jesus, she didn’t say this in front of Sarah, did she?”

“He doesn’t say.”

“Fuck.”

“What do you want me to say?”

You’re thoughtful before you speak. “Just say, in the middle of making myself dinner, but that sounds like a fucking shit show. My phone was in the other and that’s why I missed your call. I promise to talk to you before you go on vacation, but for the time being, just enjoy the rest of your night with Sarah. I love you.”

“How do you know how to handle him so well?”

“Years of practice, Barber. Now, out of the kitchen.”

“So damn bossy,” he sighs before kissing your cheek. “How much longer?”

“Soon! Now out!” you giggle.

It’s not that you don’t want to talk to Jacob, but for right now, you just want to focus on you and Andy. Thankfully, a few moments later, you hear Andy answer his phone with ‘hey bud’, and you know it’s Jacob.

You’re more than happy for the welcomed distraction as you finish up dinner and start to put everything together on plates.

‘It’s dinner time,’ you mouth to Andy as he paces back and forth while talking on the phone.

“Bud, we’ll talk about all of it when you get back from vacation, okay? I wouldn’t stress too much about it, because your mother is just being...your mother. It’s all gonna be fine, okay? Don’t worry....I love you too, Jake...Merry Christmas to you and Sarah too,” he smiles before hanging up.

“Everything okay?”

“One way or another it will be,” he smiles weakly, “now, show me what’s for dinner.”

“Only if you ask nicely.”

“Please feed me,” he whines and you laugh.

“I guess, come on,” you smile as you make your way back into the kitchen.

“Sweetheart, all of this looks amazing. It smells fantastic!” Andy marvels as he looks over the table.

“I made the sauce that you love for the fettuccine and-”

“Is that lobster in the pasta? Oh no,” he starts laughing, “you had to kill it didn’t you? That’s why you were apologizing?”

“I’m a murderer! I stabbed it in the head!”

“Why didn’t you just put in the pot?” he laughs, wrapping you in a tight hug,

“I was told that it’s more humane to kill it first! I usually get Sarah or Jake to do it, but that obviously wasn’t an option.”

“You could’ve asked me.”

“It was supposed to be a surprise!”

“You really are the sweetest thing,” he chuckles, “I love you.”

“I love you, I hope you enjoy everything.”

“There’s so much food.”

“Leftovers, my friend. Leftovers,” you smirk as you two break apart. “I seasoned the broccoli just the you like, but there’s very little butter because I put a good amount on the lobster.”

“Have you thought about going to cooking school?”

“Don’t suggest anything until you try it,” you laugh as you pour yourself a glass of wine.

Dinner is perfect (according to Andy), and you can’t help but feel a little silly about crying earlier. Yes, your feelings were valid but, for the most part, the day has been everything you’ve ever wanted and more. You’re with the love of your life, you’re both happy, it’s snowing, and you honestly don’t think there’s ever been a time in your life where you’ve felt this content.

This is how it should be.

“It’s finally time to open presents!” Andy yells after he puts away the last of the leftovers, running into the living room.

“You’re giant child,” you laugh, following behind with a bottle of bourbon for him, and you freshly refilled glass of wine.

“I wanna see your face when you open your gifts!”

“You go first, cause you were the one who wanted to open gifts first.”

“How about we both pick a gift?”

“Fine,” you giggle as you sit on the floor next to him.

“Alright, open this one and I’ll open-”

“Why do you get to pick your own gift and I don’t get to pick mine?!”

“Because I bought that gift 7months ago and have been desperate to give it to you since I purchased it.”

“What did you do?”

“Just take it,” he laughs as he passes you the small long box. “I’ll take this one...why is it heavy?”

“I don’t know,” you shrug, sipping on your wine.

“We had an agreement-”

“I have a feeling that whatever is in this box breaks our agreement.”

“Y/N.”

“Just open it!”

“Fuck,” he sighs, putting his drink down before tearing off the paper. “No.”

“You needed it!”

“Sweetheart-”

“Andy, your old laptop is shit, and you were never going to get yourself a new one.”

“An Apple?!”

“It’s what you’re used to!”

“It’s too much!”

“Just say ‘thank you’ and give me a kiss.”

“You are something else, ya know that?” he chuckles in disbelief as he leans over and gives you a kiss. “The most selfless person I know.”

“Do you like it?”

“I love it. Now you.”

“I’m afraid.”

“If I had to open yours, you have to open mine.”

“We’re the worst,” you mutter and he laughs. “Andy...jewelry definitely breaks our agreement.”

“After the gift I just opened from you, I don’t wanna hear it.”

“Andy-”

“Open it.”

You’re slow to rip of the paper and glance at Andy before opening the box. “Andy...”

“Do you remember the talk we had that night we went for ice cream? The first time we hung out?”

“You didn’t...oh Andy!”

“You said that, after dogs, butterflies make you the happiest. They’re so delicate, but also so strong, and they’re so light but also leave you with a good feeling. A butterfly is something so fleeting, but so everlasting.”

“Andy, this gorgeous, but it’s too much.”

“No it isn’t.”

“A diamond encrusted bracelet of butterflies-”

“Stop, you’re worth it. I know it makes you happy.”

“You didn’t have to-”

“I wanted to. I love you.”

“Andy, this is too much.”

“Do you like it?”

“I love it.’

“Then its not. Put it on, lets see it.”

You’re hesitant at first, but the second it’s on your wrist, there’s a smile painted on your face.

“Andy...”

“It looks great on you.”

“This had to cost-”

“Don’t worry about the cost. I saw it, thought of you, and decided you needed it. I’m not returning it, so just enjoy it.”

“You’re too good to me.”

“I’m not good enough,” he smirks before kissing you.

How is this real life?

As you suspected, all of Andy’s gifts are much more than you two agreed upon, and you feel foolish for not getting him more lavish gifts.

“You didn’t stick to the agreement at all,” you laugh as you open up your last gift from him; a brand new kitchen knife set.

“Listen, you you said your blades were getting dull and-”

“You didn’t have to put yourself into debt to get me new ones! I was gonna buy some soon, anyway!”

“I didn’t put myself into debt and now you don’t have to spend the money. Besides, the new briefcase that has ‘Attiucs Finch’ engraved in it? I don’t wanna hear it.”

“You’re annoying.”

“So are you,” he laughs before kissing your temple.

“Let me take my stuff upstairs and we’ll watch another movie,” you giggle as you get up and grab your bag.

“I’ll clean up while you do that. Do you liken your gifts?”

“I adore them almost as much as In adore you.”

“I really love making you happy.”

“Same here,” you smile before making your way out of the living room.

You get upstairs and take a deep breath as you get yourself ready for your next and final gift. Yeah, you know Andy thinks you’re beautiful, but you’ve never presented yourself to him like this. He’s usually ripping your clothes off or making you strip, but there’s always clothes on your body. And now? You’re going down there in just velvet red ribbon underwear, hoping he thinks you’re sexy as hell.

“You okay up there?” he calls with a small laugh as you put your Santa hat on.

“Yeah, I’m just getting your last gift together,” you respond, making your way down the steps.

“Funny you should say that, because I have...fuck,” he sighs as he looks you over.

“You’ve been a really good boy this year, daddy.”

“Sweetheart...holy shit.”

“I think you should be rewarded, don’t you?” you innocently ask as you straddle him.

“Baby-”

“Because I really think you should,” you moan, grinding your hips against his.

“Santa’s little whore, huh?” he grunts, gripping your hips and starting to move with you.

“I’m whatever you want me to be,” you promise with breathy sigh as he moans. “You like it, daddy? Your cock...it’s so hard! It feels like you do!”

“Jesus, sweet girl!”

“Wanna feel you,” you whimper, raising yourself just a little as you pull his sweatpants down just enough that you see him, stroking him a bit before lightly tracing the tip of his cock with your fingers. You smirk, getting just a bit of pre-cum on your fingers, bringing them to your lips as licking them softly.

“Sweet girl,” he growls with a warning tone.

“Just wanted a taste, daddy...oh fuck!” you mewl as you lower yourself down on his cock. “You fucking fill me so good, daddy!”

“Look at you,” he moans as you start to ride, “you look so beautiful when you take daddy’s fat cock!”

“Shit!”

“Daddy’s gonna destroy this perfect little cunt, but you gotta cum for me first.”

“F...fuck, you promise?”

“You’ve been such a good little girl today, it’s only fair that I-”

“Andy!” Laurie yells as she bangs on the door.

Andy’s quickly turns his head, but you force his attention back on you, “focus, daddy,” you coo softly as you pick up your pace.

“Andy!” Laurie calls again, a little louder and longer this time.

“Just focus, you wanna make me cum, don’t you daddy?”

“Fuck,” he groans as you take his hand and place it around your throat.

“You know what I need, daddy,” you whimper, “be a good boy and make me cum, please!”

“Sweet girl,” he grunts as his grip on your neck tightens.

“Andy, please!” Laurie begs pathetically.

“That’s it, daddy! Ri...right there! Oh God!” you mewl as squirt all over his cock.

“Fuck!” he broods as he fills you with his desire.

You both just sit there for a moment, breathing heavy and embracing each other, as Laurie continues banging on the door.

“Hands and knees. On the floor,” he demands hotly, looking up at you with lust filled eyes.

You don’t hesitate at all as Laurie’s banging finally settles down a little.

“Just can’t stop yourself from making a mess, can you?” Andy taunts as he thrusts himself inside you.

“Daddy!”

“And we just got that sofa, sweet girl.”

“ ‘m so sorry, daddy! Just felt so good! Fuck!”

“ ‘ts okay, baby. You look so fucking pretty under these fucking Christmas lights,” he huffs, slapping your ass hard, “cause you’re daddy’s gift, right?”

“Y...yes!” you sob, feeling your orgasm building up again.

“Andy, please just talk to me!” Laurie begs from the other side of the door.

“Feels too good, daddy! I need to-”

“Tsk tsk tsk, you know you only cum when daddy says so,” he chides, gripping your hair tight.

“Oh my God!”

“Jesus, I always forget how pathetic you get when you’re desperate to cum,” he chuckles darkly before dipping down and biting your neck.

“Daddy please!”

“I want her to hear you,” he husks against the shell of your ear as he starts to massage your clit.

“Fuck!”

“Makeher hear how much you love me.”

“Daddy!”

“Make her hear how much we love each other, because I love you so fucking much, sweet girl.”

“OH FUCK!” you cry out, squirting hard all over his cock, and you’re more than certain you’ve made a mess on the carpet.

“Such a good little whore,” he praises before pulling out and flipping you on your back.

“Daddy!”

“I know, sweet girl, I know,” he coos, gripping your hips and adjusting you a little before thrusting himself inside you again. “Daddy’s gonna take such good care of you.”

“You...you always, fuck! You always do,” you sob, pulling at the ends of his sweater. “Wanna see all of you, please!”

“Anything for you, sweet girl.”

If Laurie is still out there you can’t hear her.

Andy quickly discards his sweater before dipping down and pressing soft kisses to your collar bone.

“Oh God, please don’t stop, daddy!”

“You’re so fucking perfect, baby! Everything about you...”

“Fuck!”

“C’mere,” he broods before pulling you upright with him. “So fucking gorgeous.”

You look down at him as your hair falls in front of your face, taking in every bit of his hard, beautiful body. You’re sure that you’ll never see a more gorgeous man in your life, and you’re also sure that no one will ever make you feel as good.

His hand travels down between your bodies, and his fingers find your most sensitive spot and you know that everything happening tonight is real. He chooses you, he loves you, and he wants you.

He needs you.

“Too full, daddy! Too...oh God!”

“You can take a little bit more, babygirl,” he husks as he starts rubbing your clit faster.

“Daddy...please! I need it!”

“Gonna make you so fucking happy, sweet girl! Never gonna...fuck, never gonna be brokenhearted again!”

“Fuck! I’m gonna...fuck!” you mewl while clawing at his back.

“Jesus, sweet girl! Let go! Let go right now!”

You scream Andy’s name as your orgasm washes over you, clenching around him tighter when you feel his release filling you up.

Neither of you say anything. You just hold on to him tightly, trying to come down from your euphoria as well as trying to stay awake.

“You okay, babe?” he asks after a moment.

“Mhm.”

“Was I too rough?”

“No daddy.”

His phone buzzes and you whine in protest. “Just rest, sweetheart.”

“You said...you said you have another gift for me,” you breathe as his phone buzzes again. “You may as well answer her.”

“She can wait.”

“Clearly not.”

“Hey, come back to me,” he coos softly. “Don’t get upset over her. Not now, not tonight.”

“She’s just never gonna go away. She’ll always be around.”

“But that has nothing to do with us.”

“Andy-”

“Y/N, I love you. Whatever bullshit Laurie is dealing with is just that: her bullshit. It’s just you and me now.”

“You feel that way now-”

“I’ll always feel that way.”

You sigh and rest your forehead against his, “today was perfect. I love you, thank you.”

“I’d do anything for you.”

“What’s my other gift?”

“Oh,” he chuckles, “that. You’re gonna freak out, but don’t.”

“Andy, what did you do?”

“Well, you said you wanted us to go away together.”

“And?”

“You said wanted us to have our own ‘Roman Holiday’.”

“You didn’t!”

“Before you start yelling, it isn’t as expensive as you think it is and-”

“Andy! I said I would save up money!”

“You wanted it, so I wanted you to have it,” he says simply with a shrug.

You cup his face in your hands and kiss him like you’re afraid he’s about to leave you. His hold on you tightens, he deepens the kiss, and you feel him coming back to life.

“Andy,” you moan, grinding yourself against him as his phone buzzes again. “For fucks sake!”

“I’ll answer her and then I swear I’ll take care of you,” he groans, pulling out of you as you settle yourself underneath the Christmas tree.

Andy’s quickly gets his phone, and you undress yourself, deciding that clothes are no longer necessary for the rest of the night.

“What the fuck?” he mumbles as he starts making his way to the front door.

“What’s wrong?”

“More like, what’s right,” he counters as he opens the door. “There’s no fucking way...”

“Andy, what’s going on?”

“Holy shit!” he exclaims, grabbing something out of the mailbox before closing the door, turning to face you. “She signed the papers.”

“Are you serious? What did she say in the texts? Are you fucking serious?”

“A few choice words about you-”

“I can handle it.”

“Sweetheart-”

“Just read it, Andy.”

He sighs before unlocking his phone. “You and that little whore are disgusting, I hope you know that. Also, the whole block can probably hear you two, so that’s a nice gift for everyone on Christmas. I hope whoever the fuck she is that she’s worth all the hell you’re wreaking on our family. I just want you to know that when she walks away, I’ll be ready to take you back. I love you. Merry Christmas.”

“How did she even find our home?”

“Probably Jacob, cause she still doesn’t know that I’m with you.”

“I feel like there’s a catch. Laurie being selfless? It doesn’t add up.”

“Her signature is everywhere it needs to be, sweetheart. It’s finally fucking official,” he smiles at you.

Without giving it another thought, you’re on your feet, running over to him and jumping on him as soon as your arms are around him.

“This is real?”

“As real as it gets, sweetheart.”

“You still want me?”

“Ya know, I think I’ll use the next few hours to show you just how much I still want you. How much I’ll always want you,” he smirks before starting to run up the stairs as you start laughing.

In the back of your mind, you know this isn’t as simple as Laurie is making it seem, but for right now, you don’t care. You belong to Andy completely and he finally belongs to only you. Yes, he’s been telling you how you’re the only one for him, but this is different. It’s so much more. Yeah, you’re one step closer to pure and utter chaos, but you’re also one step closer an actual real relationship that’s truly worth all of the energy and stress you’ve put into it.

Merry Christmas indeed.

“I don’t wanna go back to my loft tomorrow,” you sigh as you rest your head on Andy’s chest, intertwining your fingers with his.

“Then just move in. This your home.”

“I know, but we haven’t told Jacob yet and...it’s gonna be hard, but we need to do it. We need to have that talk with him before we officially do anything.”

“He comes back tomorrow, so lets-”

“I’ve been thinking about that too,” you practically mumble as you make little circles on his chest with your pointer finger.

“Y/N.”

“Just hear me out. I’m not backing out of anything, or asking for more time. I just don’t want our vacation to be filled with me crying because Jacob hates me.”

“He won’t-”

“Don’t, Andy. Just don’t. He’s going to be furious with the both of us. I don’t want out first trip away together to be clouded by that.”

“Sweetheart, the trip isn’t until May.”

“I know, I know. So, if you still want to tell him when he gets back tomorrow, I’m fine with that.”

“No, you have a point,” he sighs. “He is gonna be furious and you’re gonna be beside yourself, and that’s something I don’t want. Especially during our very first trip together. I just don’t like keeping it from him.”

“Trust me, I feel the same, but the timing wasn’t right. It didn’t help that it took Laurie for-fucking-ever to sign the damn papers,”

“At least she signed them though, and that’s something to smile about,” he reassures you with a gentle squeeze.

“Yeah, you have a point. What did she agree to in the end?”

“She keeps the house, her car, we split our Savings and I keep whatever is in mine, she gets the furniture, and she gets to keep the timeshare we got in California.”

“You have a timeshare?”

“Had a timeshare,” he laughs, but he can sense your uneasiness. “Uh oh, what’s wrong, sweetheart?”

“It’s stupid.”

“Talk to me.”

“There’s just so much...I don’t want you to feel like you have get me things because you have more than me.”

“Y/N-”

“And it’s not like I think you’re rich or anything, it’s just very obvious that you have more money than me and-”

“Hey, stop,” he chuckles softly. “I don’t buy you things because I think of you as some charity case. I do it because I love you and I love making you happy.”

“I’m just not used to being loved, Andy. I’m not used to being the girl that someone picks.”

“Well, take as much time as you need to get used to it,” he reassures you before kissing the top of your head.

“You really wanna face the world with me when all of this comes out?”

“I wanna face the world with you no matter what.”

“I love you, Andy.”

“I love you, Y/N. I love you more than you’ll ever know,” he whispers before pressing a soft kiss into your hair.

As you both lay in bed, looking up at the moon, you wonder just how well you both will handle the hell that’s about to come your way. You believe in the love that Andy has for you, and you know it’s stronger than anything you’ve ever felt, but the fear is still there, because who the hell ever chooses you? You’re terrified of pushing him away, but you don’t have a fucking clue in hell how to keep him close when it all becomes too much.

God, you really hope you don’t fuck this up.

Jacob’s P.O.V.

“What do you mean you’re going away?” I ask as you continue to pack.

“I just need to get out of here. I feel like I’m gonna lose my fucking my mind,” you huff, slamming a drawer shut.

It’s not like I haven’t noticed the changes in you since Sarah and I got back from vacation, but this just seems drastic.

Then again, your moods have been too.

You’re either extremely happy or severely distant. You either wanna be left alone or are desperate to hangout. You’re not you and for as much as I wanna ask you about it, Sarah keeps telling me that you’ll talk about it when you’re ready, and I know she’s right, but lately it feels like you’re a million miles away and I can’t reel you back in, no matter how hard I try. I hate that.

I hate feeling like it’s no longer me and you against the world.

“It’s just for a few weeks,” you mutter, throwing more close into your suitcase.

“It’s just my dad and now you-”

“What’s going on with your dad?”

“He told me that he got tickets for a vacation last week. Between work and all the shit with my mom, he just needs a break.”

“That makes sense.”

“Y/N, can you please just take a break and tell me what’s going on?”

“We’ll talk when I get back.”

“Y/N-”

“Jacob, its been a hell of a few months...a hell of a few years. I just need to finally do something for me.”

What aren’t you telling me?

“Y/N, what’s going on with you? I know you say that nothing’s changed between us, but it feels like it has. I don’t feel close to you anymore.”

“Jake-”

“You can’t tell me that you haven’t noticed a change in our friendship.”

“Of course there is! Both of our lives are changing! You’re planning a wedding!”

“And what about your life? What’s going on? Please talk to me!”

You’re hesitant before you answer me, “I might be moving when I get back. I don’t know, nothing’s been decided yet.”

“Moving? Where? Why?”

“It’s just time for a change. I feel like I need to uproot and start over. I’m not gonna be far, I’m just-”

“Are you moving in with someone?”

You’re hesitant again. “Why does it matter?”

“Why won’t you tell me?”

“Jake, whether I am or I’m not doesn’t concern you.”

“Why won’t you tell me?”

“Jake-”

“Is it my dad?”

“What the...why would you say that?”

“My mom’s been saying-”

“Don’t finish that statement,” you warn before walking over to your dresser and grabbing more clothes.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“We’ll talk about of it when I get back.”

“Why not now?”

“Because I don’t wanna fucking talk about it right now!” you snap, throwing your things down.

I’ve clearly hit some nerve, because you’ve never acted this way with me before.

“Y/N-”

“I just can’t do this right now. That’s all there is to it. There’s a lot going on that I don’t know how to deal with and I don’t know how to put them into words, so I just don’t feel like doing it now.”

“There was a time when you were okay with telling me everything, and now-”

“How are things with Sarah?’ you counter.

“What do you mean-we’re fine?”

“Then why aren’t off planning a wedding with her?”

“One, everything is on hold till you get back; not my decision, hers. Two, my best friend is icing me out-”

“I’m not icing you out, Jacob!”

“Listen, if you’re just over this friendship, just have the fucking decency to say it, because-”

“Jacob, just stop! Please...stop,” you sob.

Great, now I feel like an asshole.

“Y/N-”

“When I get back, okay? We’ll talk about everything when I get back, okay?”

“You could always talk to me before-”

“And I know I can now,” you interrupt with a heavy sigh, “I’m just tired of talking and planning right now. I need a break and then I’ll be back to myself.”

I can’t fault you for that. You’ve spent your whole life arguing and planning, it only make sense that you’re fed up.

But still.

“When you get back?”

“I promise, Jake.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Jacob. Just go home and rest, okay?”

Something is off, but there’s no use in pushing. Not when you’re like this.

All I can do is give you a kiss on the cheek before making my way out of your place. I guess I made it our home, which was fucked up on my part.

It’s not like I lied to my dad when I said that my feelings for you aren’t stronger than the love I have for Sarah, it’s just that you’ve always made me feel normal. Being my friend has never been easy, but you’ve never left my side. You’ve always defended me, gotten into actual fights, and have always believed me. Believed in me. Sarah and I separated at one point, and it’s not like I can blame her, but you...you’ve always been there. From the day that we met, you’ve never let my side.

I know that you’ll eventually meet someone and they’ll become the love of your life, and they’ll more than likely be older, but the way that my mother is going on about it being my father...you wouldn’t do that, would you?

I’m your best friend.

However, you didn’t deny it and that has me on edge. You probably haven’t noticed, but I see the way he looks at you, and I know you think he’s insanely attractive (like every other woman in this dumb little town). I can handle you being with someone else, but my dad?

What does he have that I don’t?

“Is everything okay?” Sarah asks as I make my way into our home; bridal magazines everywhere.

“She says so.”

“Baby, I’m sure whatever is going on, she’ll tell you when she gets back.”

“Her and my dad leaving on the same day? Even you have to notice that it’s a bit strange.”

“Babe-”

“Plus, every time I ask him about his girlfriend, he changes the subject, which is fucking weird since they’ve been dating for months.”

“Well, what did she say when you asked her?”

“She didn’t confirm it.”

“There ya go.”

“She also didn’t deny it.”

“If there’s anything to tell you, she will.”

“Why are you so calm about this?”

“Because I don’t care,” she scoffs with a shrug.

“Well, why not?!”

“Honey, they’re both adults. If they want to date, just let them, it’s really not a big deal.”

“So, you don’t care that Y/N might be the reason that my dad left my mom?”

“No, because you and I both know that the problems in your parents’ marriage didn’t start with y/n. I think that there’s a bigger issue here.”

“Not that shit again!”

“Jacob, just tell me-”

“I just want you, babe. I only want you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Sarah, you’ve been the one ever since I met you, and that’s not changing any time soon,” I promise with a smile.

It’s not like it’s a lie. Sarah is the only person I want to be with...I just need you to be with anyone but my dad. That’s not asking too much...is it?

Y/N’s P.O.V.

“We have to go to the Mouth of Truth before leave!” you whine as Andy picks you up and carries you into the villa you’ve both been staying at for a week and a half.

“We’re gonna go, I promise,” he laughs, “we’ve got two more days.”

“No, lets just stay here. Here is so much better.”

“I wish we could, sweetheart,” he sighs as his phone goes off. “For fucks sake.”

“Just ignore it.”

“You know I can’t,” he mutters as he sets you down before taking out his phone and answering it. “Hey bud, what’s up?”

For the most part, the vacation has been amazing. The villa Andy got you both is beautiful, you’ve been to almost every place you’ve seen in ‘Roman Holiday’ along with a few places that Andy’s always wanted to visit, the dinners you two have made for each other have perfect, and the sex has been remarkable.

That doesn’t mean it’s been smooth sailing.

Every day, Jacob calls you and Andy, looking for cracks in either of your stories, Laurie texts him non-stop, and Sarah has told you multiple times that she’s getting tired of Jacob’s obsession over the whole.

If things are this bad, you can’t even begin to imagine how much worse they’ll be when you two get home and tell everyone. However, you’re not home yet, and you’re determined to make the best of the last few days you two have left. You quickly slip into the blue lace lingerie you were saving for the last day of the trip, your skinny black heels, and let your hair done. You do a quick look over in the mirror before making your way downstairs.

“I’m sure she’ just taking a break from...,” Andy trails off once his eyes land on you, jaw dropping just a little.

Mission accomplished.

“I’m sorry, I got distracted,” he almost stutters as he clears his throat, “I’m sure she’s just taking a break...she is on vacation, Jake.”

“Hang up,” you mouth as you straddle him, starting to undo the button on his jeans.

“You said she seemed pretty stressed and frustrated when she was packing, so I would imagine....she has a lot going on. I’m sure she’ll tell you everything when she gets back...I’ve been working non-stop for 4 years, Jake. I just-” he gasps as you slide yourself down on him, “I-I needed a break. Your mother and I talked about gong away a lot, but....but we never did it.”

“Hang up,” you mouth again as you start to pick your pace, hitting that spot deep within that makes you come alive for him.

“Listen, when...when I get back home, you and I will have a lunch or dinner, and we’ll talk about everything...y-yes...yes, we can go to the diner,” he breathes as he grips your throat tight, “I’ll talk to you later and I’ll be home soon.”

“Daddy please,” you mouth, gripping his shoulders as your climax starts to build. “Need you so much.”

Andy’s eyes go wide as he watches you, memorized by the way you move your hips as you take your bra off, your mouth agape as you try to hold on.

“I gotta...I gotta go, okay? Yes Jacob, we’ll talk soon...I really gotta go...I love you too,” he grunts before finally fucking hanging up.

“Daddy!” you cry out come undone, leaning your forehead against his.

“Now, who told you to be a whore and pull that little stunt, huh?”

“I want all of your attention, daddy. This is our trip, isn’t it?”

“You don’t feel important?” he taunts as he wraps his arms around before getting up, “you don’t think you’re my main focus?”

“No,” you moan, wrapping your legs around him as the feel of him deeper inside of you starts driving you insane as he heads for up the stairs.

“I thought I was doing a good idea of that night after night.”

“Shit,” you moan, grinding yourself against him.

“And every morning when I wake you up by eating this perfect little pussy.”

“I just need...need you! Didn’t feel important,” you whine.

“Let daddy fix that,” he smirks, laying you down on the bed before fucking into you relentlessly. “Let daddy make you feel better!”

“Fuck!”

“My sweet, sweet girl.”

“Oh my God!”

“You’re so fucking beautiful, baby. God, I never get tired at looking you...at this perfect little body.”

“Fuck, I’m so...so close!”

“Yeah? You gonna be a good girl and cream on daddy’s cock?”

All you can do is nod.

“Use your words,” he growls, slapping your clit.

“Fuck! Yes...YES!” you cry out, gripping the sheets as your body trembles.

“Such a good girl,” he praises as he pulls out, “I want you to tell me how good you taste,” he coos as he slides two fingers inside of you.

“Fuck, daddy!”

“Tell me, baby,” he encourages as he smears your lips with your cum. “Daddy really wants to know.”

“So good,” you moan as you lick your lips.

“Yeah? I think I’ll find out for myself,” he smirks before getting on his knees.

“Fuck, you make...make me feel...shit!” you cry out, gripping his hair as uses three of his fingers fuck you, while he sucks and licks your clit. “So fucking good to me,” you moan.

You prop up yourself using one of your elbows and look down, meeting Andy’s intense gaze on you.

“I...I love you so much, Andy,” you brood, feeling that knot in your core tighten. “I only...only need...you!” you cry out, coating his fingers (and you’re sure his face) with your release.

Andy takes his time cleaning you up, keeping his eyes on you, before slowly peppering you body with the most soft and delicate kisses hes ever given you, as he makes his way up your body.

“Never been this in love with anyone,” he groans he pushes himself inside of you. “Never knew I could be this in love.”

“Andy!”

“You are everything to me. I’m gonna love you until...until my dying breath,” his promises as his movements start to become erratic.

Between your juices still glistening on his beard, his words, and the fact that he keeps hitting that spot inside of you that makes your whole body ignite, you feel yourself ready to come apart for the final part.

“Can’t...need to let go!”

“Do it, sweet girl! Give me everything!”

“Andy!” you sob, squirting all over his cock as you dig your nails into his back.

“Fuck!”

You both just stay there for a moment, living in the moment, and trying to commit to memory how perfect this moment is.

“I’m just tired of hiding, baby,” you breathe after a moment.

“I know sweetheart, I can’t wait to tell Jacob about us.”

“Do you mean that?”

“Sweetheart, it’s not going to be ideal, and I know we’ll have hell to pay, but I just want to be with you. That’s all I care about at this point. Hell or high water, we’ll finally be together for real. I’m in love with you and I want to finally express that the right way. Not just in private.”

“He’s gonna be so hurt, Andy.”

“I know, sweetheart, but he’ll get over it.”

“Can we just ignore our phones for the next few days? The trip is almost over and I don’t wanna deal with anything that’ll make us unhappy until we get back.”

“Sounds good to me, sweet girl. Come here,” he coaxes softly.

You move closer to him and lay your head on his chest, sighing in content as he wraps his arms around you.

There will never be a better feeling than being in Andy’s arms.

“Lets just do it when we get back. We can do dinner at our house and we’ll just...we’ll deal with it,” Andy suggests with a heavy sigh. “Our flight lands at 3:30...it’s time to get it over with. Tell Jacob then tell Laurie.”

“Oh God, Laurie.”

“Yeah, that’ll more than likely go worse than everything with Jacob.”

“What the fuck did we get ourselves into?” you laugh humorlessly.

“Love. We got ourselves into love.”

“You’re damn right we did,” you smile up at him.

For the rest of the trip, you and Andy ignore your phones and just focus on each other. You go site seeing, dancing, make love, watch ‘Roman Holiday’, make dinners, go out to the best restaurants, and just live in the moment. There’s no sense in pretending that going home won’t be chaotic, so you both decide that it’s best to just live in the moment until it’s time to go back.

Until it’s time to deal with the consequences of your actions.

“Andy, are you sure-”

“Honey, I know all of this is scary, but I’m not changing my mind. It’s gonna be rough, it’s gonna suck, but we’ll get through it,” he interrupts as you both lay in bed and stare up at the ceiling.

“I just want you to be sure that you want this. Want us. Want me.”

“I’m never gonna change my mind, sweetheart. I’m all in forever. Are you?”

“You’re the only one for me. Always have been and you always will be.”

“Just don’t forget that we have each other, okay? No matter how chaotic it may seem, you have me and I have you.”

“You don’t forget either.”

“It’s you and me,” he smiles down at you. “It’s me and you until the end.”

As you both lay in bed, trying to calm your nerves about heading back tomorrow, you know that you both have the same question on your mind: how the fuck do we approach this?

“Lets do dinner at the loft,” you suggest, catching yourself as you’re about to fall asleep.

“Hm?”

“I think it’ll soften the blow. Us telling him that we’re together and that we’re living together? It’s gonna be too much at once.”

“But you’re moving in-”

“No, I know, but lets just take it one thing at a time. If we tell him we went on vacation together, have been dating for a while, and live together, he’s gonna lose his shit.”

“You’re making a more than good point and that’s annoying.”

“Trust me, I don’t like it either. He knows that I’m moving and I’m sure that he’ll put two and two together once we tell him, but I think the visualization will be too much for him.”

“Alright, we’ll tell him at the loft and you’ll finally move home the next day?”

“I promise.”

“Then we better get some sleep. We have an early flight.”

“Sounds good...I love you, Andy.”

“I love you, Y/N.”

As you both settle into bed, anxiety at an all time high, you hope and pray that telling Jacob won’t be as bad as you think it will be.

Yeah, he’ll be hurt and annoyed, but he’ll hopefully get over it quick...right?

You drift off to sleep with that thought leading and you can only pray to God that you’re right.

Please, just this once, let things not be painful.

“What time are they coming over?” Andy yawns as gets out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist, sitting next to you on the sofa.

“One, get dressed,” you laugh, “two, you need a damn nap.”

“I’m fine.”

“You know I can see you, right? That’s bullshit, you need rest.”

“It’ll just fuck up me adjusting to the time change. Lets watch something that’ll keep me awake.”

“Or, you can take a nap and store up your energy.”

“There is never going to be enough sleep in the world for me to tell my son that I’m in love with his best friend.”

“That’s fair.”

“What are you watching?”

“ ‘Chicago’”

“Of course you are,” he laughs as he wraps an arm around you. “What time will they be here?”

“In two hours.”

“Shit, okay.”

“Just take a deep breath, baby. At least we’ll tell him and have it out of the way. Like you said last week, he won’t be angry with you forever.”

“He won’t be angry with you forever, either.”

“I’m not worried about me. I can handle him hating me, I just want you two to be okay.”

“Sweetheart-”

“I mean it, Andy. Your relationship with him is more important than mine.”

Andy says nothing. He just cups your face and kisses you passionately, and you let yourself get lost in it.

Lost in him.

It’s not like you two mean to get carried away, but it’s so hard for you two to contain yourselves. Soon enough, the kiss leads to you two making out, making out leads to you straddling him and grinding yourself against him, which leads to you on your knees and blowing him, which is why your clothes and the towel he was wearing are now on the floor and he’s fucking you senseless.

“Oh my God!’ you whimper as Andy picks up his pace as he sits up.

“You take my fucking cock so well, sweet girl!”

“Daddy!”

“No one has ever been take me as well as you do, not even her,” he grunts and smirks when you clench around him.

You’ll never admit it outloud but you love it when he tells you how much better you are at pleasing than Laurie ever was. Yes, it’s mean petty, and a bit sick, but fuck all if it doesn’t make you feel all that much more special and important to him.

“You got so fucking wet just from sucking daddy’s cock! Should’ve tasted this perfect little pussy before I started fucking it!”

“Oh my...fuck!’

“Got your fucking cream all over my fucking cock! God, wish you could see...shit, you I could stay in this fucking cunt all day!”

“Daddy!’

“I should film me fucking you, just so you can see just how well this greedy little cunt takes my cock!”

“Please!” you mindlessly beg, with one hand clawing at the bed and the other clawing at his chest.

“Of course my good little whore wants to me film me filling up this pretty little pussy,” he smirks devilishly before slapping your clit.

“Jesus...fuck!”

“I’ll fill this pussy then, while I fuck your ass, you can watch how wrecked you looked while I fucked this sweet little cunt. You want that, sweet girl?”

You’re too blissed out to answer. Andy spits on your on your already soaked and sticky cunt, before starting to massage your clit.

“Can’t...can’t...daddy please!”

“You don’t cum until you answer me,” he husks. “Do you want to record us? Do you wanna watch how well you take daddy’s fat cock while I fuck your perfect little ass?”

“Yes! Yes, I wanna see how well...how I take your cock, daddy! How good I am at pleasing you!”

“Fuck, and the way your perfect tits bounce with every thrust! You’re so fucking perfect, sweet girl! Ya know, daddy thinks he’ll record you soaking the bed,” he chuckles before grabbing his phone off your nightstand.

You two always take it too far.

“Look at the camera, baby. Fuck, those tears! Feel too good sweet girl?” “Yes daddy! I need to...I need to let go!”

“Such a good little whore, keep your eyes on the camera as you cum, sweet-”

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” Jacob exclaims as he bursts through the door.

And busted.

“Jacob, get out!” Andy yells, instantly covering you as you cum hard and squirt all over Andy’s cock and the bed.

This is definitely in the top three moments you never want relieve or remember in your life.

“You fucking said-”

“Go wait in the kitchen! Get out!” Andy yells as you bury your face in the crook of his neck in an attempt to hide.

Jacob huffs before slamming your bedroom door shut. This wasn’t how things were supposed to go at all.

“Looks like someone found his key to my place,” you mutter as you fight off your tears.

“Are you okay, sweetheart?”

“Why? Why the fuck did we have to get carried away now?!”

“I’ll go out there and-”

“No, we’ll go together. I just...I need a moment.”

“I’m so fucking sorry, sweetheart.”

“This isn’t on you. You didn’t force me into anything; I wanted you. I always want you. I knew they were coming and I still...fuck!”

“We can do this another-”

“No, he’s already seen...we may as well just deal with this now.”

“Are you sure, sweetheart?”

“I’m all in,” you smile up at him weakly.

Andy cleans you up and the both take your time getting dressed, not sure how the hell you’re going to approach the current situation at hand. You pull on the AC/DC sweatshirt Andy got you and the Boston College sweatpants Jacob got you, while Andy opts to only wear a pair of black sweatpants.

If the situation weren’t what it is, you would drag him back to bed, but there’s obviously no time for that.

“Does anyone want a drink?” you ask as you two finally make your way out of your room.

“I’ll take one,” Sarah mumbles as she leans against the kitchen island.

“We need to talk about-”

“We’re definitely gonna talk about it. Do you want a drink?” you interrupt Jacob as you pull two glasses out of the cabinet.

“You’re acting like-”

“I’m not acting like anything, Jacob. You and I are about to have a talk about how I’ve been dating your father and in love with him for a while. I’m gonna have a fucking drink. How about you? Do you want something that’ll help the sting or do you wanna have this talk completely sober?” you ask, finally turning your attention to him.

He’s thoughtful before he speaks, “yeah, I guess I’ll take that drink.”

“You?” you ask as you turn to Andy.

“Yeah, I think I will, sweetheart.”

You pour the four of you a tall glass of bourbon, before handing them all out and standing at Andy’s side.

“So...lets have it out. Lets talk about...your father and your best friend,” you mutter before taking a sip of your drink. “Lets talk about your father and your best friend being in love.”

taglist: @maroonsunrise83, @emerald-evans, @fuckingbye, @whxre4cevans, @autumnrose40, @greeneyedblondie44, @whiskeytangofoxtrot555, @pono-pura-vida, @nomadstucky, @sapphire-rogers, @jamneuromain

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juneberrie · 11 months

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the folklore love triangle: an analysis

my note — i literally just pressed turn in yippee!! i have to present this tomorrow but anyways I wanted yall to read it <3 it sounds super formal but thats cos its. an assignment. its my final. ANYWAYS enjoy my delulu rambling about this :]

— 1.5k words

In 2020, Taylor Swift released her eighth studio album, folklore. The standard version of the album has sixteen songs, with the deluxe version adding on a bonus track. Of the sixteen songs, three of them are linked: betty, august, and cardigan. These three songs and the story they tell are called the folklore love triangle. Aside from these three songs, which were confirmed by Taylor to be connected, there are three other songs that are widely speculated to be part of the story: mirrorball, the 1, and illicit affairs.

There are three main characters involved in the storyline: Betty, James, and Augustine. Betty and James are in a relationship, but one night, at a school dance, James is nowhere to be found when Betty’s favorite song starts playing. He comes back and sees her dancing with another friend of hers, and he gets angry. Then, as a form of revenge, he decides to cheat on Betty with Augustine over the summer. After the summer, he regrets the affair and apologizes to Betty at a party.

The first song in the storyline is august, which is from Augustine’s point of view. The song describes her summer with James. Throughout the song, she repeats the words “‘cause you were never mine” in the chorus, which shows that she knows that James isn't hers and that he still has feelings for Betty. In the bridge, she calls her relationship with James a “summer love”, while in betty, James calls it a “summer thing”. In the outro of the song, Augustine says “remember when I pulled up and said ‘get in the car’ ” which goes with the lyric in betty where James says “she said ‘James get in, lets drive’.” Augustine repeats the same chorus over and over again, which shows how all she had with James was the short summer fling.

The next song in the story is betty, which is from James’ point of view. This is his apology to Betty. After the summer with Augustine, he realizes that he is still in love with Betty. He decides to go to her party and apologize there, where [he assumes] she’ll take him back. He repeats the words “I’m only 17, I don't know anything” which goes with the lyrics in cardigan where Betty says “when you are young they assume you know nothing” and “but I knew everything when i was young.'' A lot of betty sounds like James is trying to make excuses and justify his affair, like when he says “I hate the crowds, you know that/plus I saw you dance with him.” He says that he was nowhere to be found and then gets mad when Betty dances to her favorite song with another friend. He most likely cheated for revenge on Betty for dancing with her friend. He calls Augustine a “summer thing” which contrasts to how she calls him a “summer love.” When he shows up to Betty’s party and apologizes, he hopes that it will “patch her broken wings” which goes with the line in cardigan where Betty says “you drew stars around my scars/but now im bleeding,” showing how James hurt her and wanted to make her feel better.

The song after betty is cardigan, which is from Betty’s point of view. In the first verse, she says “when you are young they assume you know nothing,” which could be how James assumed that she wouldn’t find out know of his affair with augustine, but right after that line she says “but I knew you” which shows that despite how James tried to hide the affair, she still found out (“you heard the rumors from inez'' and also because she would’ve known him well enough to know when he was lying). Later on in the song she says “I knew everything when I was young,” which directly contradicts the line in betty where James says “I’m only 17, I don't know anything.'' The line “a friend to all is a friend to none/chase two girls, lose the one” shows how James tried to stay with Betty and sleep with Augustine but ended up losing both of them. The line “you drew stars around my scars/but now I'm bleeding” shows how James made Betty feel whole and happy but ended up hurting her more. In the bridge, she says “tried to change the ending” which could be referencing James's apology. There's also a line where she says “I knew you’d miss me once the thrill expired/and you’d be standing in my front porch light” where she’s basically saying that she knew that once he tired of Augustine, he’d try to come back to Betty, and the porch line goes back to two lines in betty: “Betty, I’m here on your doorstep” and “Will you kiss me on the porch”).

The next three songs (mirrorball, illicit affairs, the 1) are not confirmed to be a part of the storyline, however many fans speculate that they are.

Mirrorball can be considered to be from James, Betty, and Augustine’s points of views. The line “I’ll show you every version of yourself tonight” can be used to show how [the affair with] Augustine showed Betty what James was really like. The line “I know they said the end is near/but I’m still on my tallest tiptoes…./shining just for you” could show how all three of them are clinging to the hope of romance: james - he knows that both of his relationships with the girls are doomed but he wants to try to save at least one of them; augustine - summer is coming to a close and she wants to stay with james, but she knows that he regrets betraying betty and wants to go back to her; betty - she’s hoping that the rumors aren't true but deep down she knows that James cheated on her. The lines ‘I’m still on that tightrope/I’m still trying everything to get you laughing at me“ could be from either Augustine or James’ point of view. If it's from Augustine’s POV, she’s trying to keep James with her and not go back to Betty; if it's from James’ POV, it’s him trying to get back with Betty and get her “laughing at [him].”

Illicit affairs is seen to be from both James and Augustine’s POVs. The first four lines of the song show how James is hiding the affair with Augustine from his friends, family, and from Betty. The line “tell yourself you can always stop” is James trying to make himself feel better about breaking Betty’s heart by cheating on her with Augustine. The lines “So you leave no trace behind/Like you don't even exist” are from Augustine’s POV, where she’s making sure nobody knows of the affair. After that, the line “take the words for what they are” are her making the most of her time with James because deep down she knows that she and him will never actually be a real relationship like the one he had with betty. The lines “They show their truth one single time/But they lie, and they lie, and they lie” could be referring to Inez (and consequently, Betty) finding out the truth about the affair and the lying that James and Augustine did to cover it up. The lines “And you know damn well/For you, I would ruin myself/A million little times” could be James saying that his reputation would be hurt if people found out about the affair, but it could also be Augustine’s way of saying that she loves him because she’s willing to “ruin” herself for the sake of being with James.

The 1 talks about reminiscing over a past relationship. It’s widely seen to be from Augustine’s point of view at a later point in time, presumably when they are all older. The first line of the song (“I’m doing good, I’m on some new shit”) is Augustine after getting over the whole affair ordeal. The line “And if you wanted me, you really should've showed” shows how if James had actually wanted to have a real relationship with Augustine, he wouldn’t have done it just to get back at Betty and he wouldn’t have kept Augustine a secret. The lines “and if my wishes came true/it would’ve been you” show how despite Augustine hoping and wishing for James to be the one, it ultimately didn’t work out. When Augustine says the lines “We never painted by the numbers, baby/ But we were making it count” it could be about she and James making the most of the summer and breaking the metaphorical rules (aka cheating on Betty). Finally, the lines “If one thing had been different/Would everything be different today?” could be Augustine asking James if he had broken up with Betty before or if Betty hadn't found out, would they still be together?

In conclusion, the folklore love triangle is extremely complicated and in depth, but I hope that this has given you at least a basic understanding of the storyline and the characters.

#liz’s writing ♡#taylor swift #folklore #folklore taylor swift #folklore album #folklore love triangle #taylor swift analysis #song analysis

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btr-rewatch · 3 months

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BTR REWATCH MINI POST

Big Time Rush Season 1, Episode 8: “Big Time Break”

While I will not be covering this episode in full (I do have some gifsets from it, though), I do wish to ramble a bit about Kendall and Katie, because they've got some great moments together in it.

So. Shows that portray close and healthy sibling dynamics. Makes me insane, right? Right. Siblings who love and look out for each other. When each one manages to be The Protector of the other in some way, regardless of age difference. Brilliant stuff.

And for a show that so often relies on absurdity and just plain off-the-walls humor, it manages to have depth as well, if you're looking for it. Which I am. Why else would I have created this blog but to analyze this delightful series?

Kendall and Katie may possibly be one of my favorite fictional siblings. From the very first episode, there's such a strongly established bond that you can sense even though they really don't interact that much. You see it in the way that Kendall immediately (happily) complies with Katie's request to hear the "Giant Turd" song and when Katie is going on about how often Kendall sings—including when she can't sleep at night.

I won't go into all my thoughts and feelings on the Knight family situation and how a lot of who Kendall is was likely forced upon him when he became "man of the house," but...those thoughts are there. Might explore them at a later date in another post or in a fic, but anyway! As you make your way through the first season, their relationship solidifies more, and you see the warmth. The way that they look out for each other, and the fierceness with which they love each other. Katie is an independent, tough cookie, but she's still a little kid who sees her big brother as a role model and needs his guidance. And Kendall, being the guy who always tries to be there for others and set a good example, does a wonderful job of looking after her while also knowing when to step back. In a lot of ways, he's a combination of brother, father-figure, and friend, which I have OTHER thoughts about (because that is a lot of weight to carry around at 16).

Focusing in on "Big Time Break" though, Kendall's storyline deals with him still wanting to get to know and befriend Jo, even though she has a boyfriend. At one point, Katie overhears Jo on the phone and discovers that Jo doesn't have a boyfriend at all; she's been pretending to have one for fear of romantic pursuits interfering with her career. Perfectly understandable to want to prioritize in life, of course, but Katie is not happy to hear of the deception.

Jo has been LYING to her dear big brother?? Now, she could just sit back and not get involved. After all, Kendall and Jo are older and have their own confusing, teenage lives. It'd be okay if she wanted to shrug and let them figure it out themselves. It doesn't have to be her business.

But Katie Knight can't do that. She goes right over and pulls Kendall from his conversation in a way so very fitting of her character.

This is another aspect of their dynamic that I really like: Katie's complete lack of fear to take charge when needed. Kendall isn't listening to her? She just rolls her eyes and drags him by his ear. Katie Knight, expert on gettin' things done.

She then lets Kendall know that he's been getting played "like a fiddle." Not wanting Jo to be suspicious of their conversation, she cleverly advises Kendall to turn and give Jo the "my little sister is crazy gesture," to which I must include another gif because I love Kendall's execution. He's got the best expressions.

They end the conversation with Katie essentially challenging Kendall to do the right thing, which, in her mind, is to confront Jo and get the truth out of her.

And I love this for two reasons. 1. Katie's vaguely threatening reminder that she looks up to him and 2. They have an adorable handshake! When did they come up with this?? It's so sweet, and I love them.

Lol, so much for a "mini post," but oh well. Kendall and Katie are wonderful siblings, and it delights me. I'm glad they didn't go the route of them being the type of siblings who are always bickering with each other or who ignore each other/generally just don't care. Give me siblings who love each other, who get invested in each other's lives, and who have silly little secret handshakes.

#big time rush #btr #kendall knight #katie knight #btr rewatch #btr season 1

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consumed-by-fandom · 3 months

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MY ARGUMENT FOR WHY LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO BY TAYLOR SWIFT FITS OSWALD COBBLEPOT A LITTLE TOO WELL

So people seemed quite interested in my thoughts on this sooo here ya go! :p

Spoilers for Gotham (2014) obvs

For context the song fits with Oswald’s Season 3 Arc, where he becomes mayor of Gotham and is taken down and killed by Edward after Oswald kills Ed’s ‘weird ass totally-a-clone-of-his-dead-ex’ girlfriend, Isabella. Oswald survives because of course he does, and plots his revenge against Ed for the rest of the season. AND HE FUCKING GETS IT BECAUSE HES OSWALD FUCKING COBBLEPOT

Anyway lets get into the lyrics shall we?

First off, Riddler is known for his games and puzzles, and in particular his whole revenge plan might have been seen as a game to both of them, with Ed seeing it as a strategic game to destroy Oswald, and Oswald seeing it as a childish game played unfairly to Ed’s own agenda. The tilted stage also ties to Riddler’s showmanship and love of being in the spotlight, as well as how, to Oswald’s perspective, he’s putting himself up on a pedestal while criticising Oswald despite everything Oswald has done for him (I think Oswald definitely saw Isabella’s murder as an act of kindness or love, the latter might be canon too?) Oswald being forced to play the fool is pretty self-explanatory, he was thrown through the rings of Ed’s deception and tests none the wiser to Ed being the culprit.

I think even Oswald would have to admit that Ed outplayed him, using everything he knew about Oswald, all his weaknesses and vulnerabilities, to completely ruin his life and prove a point (even if that point got disproven because he accidentally proved Oswald WAS capable of real love lmao) And how Oswald, as paranoid and wary as he is, still did not believe for a second that Ed would betray him. (This is unrelated but Oswald’s trust issues is so sad to see because as the show goes on he gets increasingly more distrustful of others and by season 5 it doesn’t take much for him to go “YOUVE BETRAYED ME I FUCKING KNEW IT” poor lad). Anyway Ed is a pro at shit eating grins, and has no qualms lying to others, something I think hurts Oswald even more because he always believed that they’d be honest with one another (even though he went behind Ed’s back… hes a bit of a hypocrite guys) But Ed is also one to gloat and mock, perhaps even more than Oswald, and he definitely rubs it in Oswald’s face when he reveals that it was his plan all along, that he was behind everything. Stretching a bit with the gun here but I like to think that Oswald believed they were always on the same page, that Oswald would always call the shots so to speak, that he was the one in control. Ironically it was the shot that Oswald took that pushed Ed to take a shot of his own (i am NOT sorry for the wordplay >:] )

Speaking of wordplay. “Isn’t cool” Ahahah. Get it. Cuz. Cuz ed gets… anyway.

What does Oswald Cobblepot do best when wronged? Plan an elaborate revenge scheme of course! He learns from his mistakes, learns more about who Edward is as a person, and also learns not to let love weaken him :,). His revenge against him does what Ed initially did to him - use his flaws and characteristics to his advantage. And Oswald PLAYS HIM LIKE A FIDDLE by practically leading him to his doom, right until the reveal by the pier. Him escaping death is also surprisingly common for him, surviving from the pier not once, but TWICE by this point in the show. Not to mention all the other murder attempts on his life. The list of names would relate to Oswald’s growing enemies, his revenge hitlist so to speak, with Ed being at the very top for obvious reasons.

I think Oswald would definitely blame other people for his behaviour. Like “you made me this way, you provoked me, you forced my hand.” No dude you just love murder and vengeance get over urself. I MEAN he probably knows he’s ‘just like that’ but he’d still blame people anyway lmao.

When Ed got shipped to Arkham for girlfriend strangling and cop killing Oswald eventually got him out so he could be by his side as he campaigned for mayor of gotham, and he was pretty dedicated to being there for Ed as Ed was for him, even including him in paintings and promoting him to chief of staff. He loved him so much, and would do anything for him (even if it meant doing what he thought was for his benefit. Like killing girlfriends.) So naturally Ed ruining his life and then going off and making a name for himself as the Riddler would absolutely piss Oswald off, because to Oswald he had been so generous and a good friend/potential life partner, and this was the thanks he gets? I could also see Riddler’s rise to prominence as something Oswald would be jealous of, because thats his crime spotlight he’s stealing dammit!

Also. Also Ed stole the keys to his heart ahahahAGUGHUGHUHGAHGHH

Gotham is full of drama all day everyday 24/7, I have to imagine even Oswald gets sick of it after a while lol. Anyway he’s very good at losing himself to his own plans and thoughts driven by his emotions, pushing the rest of the world aside so he can solely focus on his revenge. He never forgets a grudge, he always gets what’s “deserved” to him (and he’s actually really good at getting revenge too, using Ed’s eventual sentence as an example). Ironically that also fits with how Oswald got his punishment for Isabella’s death, but now he’s paid the price, its Ed’s turn (and anyone else who Oswald had a vendetta against at the time. Which was probably a lot of people idk Oswald makes a lot of enemies in the show)

Again, Oswald has MAJOR trust issues and this paranoid only grows as the show goes on and more people betray or leave him. He’s also pretty sly himself, and if his plans include completely screwing you over for whatever reason, you better bet he’s going to do it.

As for the latter lyric…

Do i even need to explain this one?

There isn’t much I can link for this it just seems like something Oswald would say lmao

Aaaaaand thats all! I didn’t go over repeating choruses for obvious reasons, but that’s my own brainrot explanation for why this song fits him soooo well. Now if you’ll excuse me i’m going to daydream about the animation that would go to this that I’ll probably never do.

#insane ramblings #analysis #now i just need to find a song that fits Ed’s perspective lmao #gotham tv #oswald cobblepot #edward nygma #nygmobblepot #i wrote all this at 3am #as one does #gotham #gotham season 3 #gotham fox #i put too much effort into this

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blizzardfluffykpop · 7 months

Text

Marshmallow

Summary: All cozied up by the campfire, roasting marshmallows and laughing about old times and creating new memories.

Oneshot

Fluff, Established Relationship au

Word Count: 2,940

Hyungwon X Reader

[Features: OT7! Monsta X]

[A/n: I've written marshmallow so many times while writing this that it no longer looks like the word. Anyways, if you’ve heard Hyungwon’s newest OST ‘Now’, I tried to incorporate the bridge of that song into this too~. I don’t want to spoil anything, but Jeonghan helped inspire part of this. Also, a special thanks to @jinkoh for encouraging this idea along!]

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You get out of your car with cups and plates, knowing everyone has gotten the rest of the supplies. You couldn’t wait to spend the next day and a half in this lovely forest with your seven closest friends. It’s the perfect way to spend October. You make your way to the campfire, the leaves crackling under your feet. The beginning of fall felt so warm and cozy, although the weather was turning colder by the minute.

You quicken your pace as you hear the yammering of your friends in the distance. You rush up and are greeted with several loud “Hello's,” You had arrived a little later than the rest of the crowd to your annual campfire and log cabin stay. But you couldn’t be more excited to see your boyfriend. “Won!” You cheer, and he stops what he’s doing, turns back to see you, and smiles, “(N/n)!” He meets you in the middle and kisses the top of your head, “Did you make it up here safe?” You nod, and he smiles, “I’m putting away the drinks into the coolers. I think Hoseok wants the utensils and things up at the house.” You nod and kiss his cheek before walking over to the log cabin.

You head into the kitchen and put away the cups and plates you brought. That’s when you hear a cheer of your name, “(Y/n)!” and you turn back, “Jooheon!” He gives you a hug, “How have you been?!” You shrug and go, “Okay, and you?” He nods, “About the same, but it's nice to be back up here.” You agree, “I wonder what shenanigans we'll get up to this year.” He smirks, “I have a few ideas~” You laugh, “New games?” He nods as Hyunwoo comes in with chips and other snacks, “Anything good?” He smiles, “All of our favorites!” You grin, “Snack time is going to be great then!” The two smile and agree as you excuse yourself out of the cabin.

You come out to see what else you can do to prepare for the big fire tonight. You grab some trash lying about and throw it away. There was nothing else to do since everyone was already starting to wind down from their tasks. You continue looking around until you spot Hyungwon leaning against his explorer, drinking a pop. And he locks eyes with you before finishing his sip as you walk over to him. He reaches into the cooler and snaps open another can, “For you~” You smile and take a drink before joining him leaning against his car.

You tap your cans together without the risk of it spilling everywhere. You ask, “How was work?” And he shrugs, “The record store was slow for this time of year.” You nod and he asks, “How’s the office?” You shrug, “It was nice, but I was reminded of why I dislike it today.” “Why?” You ramble on about how your boss kept piling on the work, even when she knew you were leaving for a trip today. “That sucks.” You sigh, “Yeah.” He wraps his arm behind you, “But you’re here now. Your boss can shove it from here on out.” You laugh and lean into his chest, “I like the sound of that.” He hums, “Good.” You drink your pop and shiver, “It’s a little cold to be drinking pop.” He laughs, “I was thinking the same thing.” You ask, “You wanna go inside for a bit?” He agrees, and you put your free arm behind his back as you both walk back to the log cabin.

Hoseok comes in with Changkyun after you two and says, “We finished getting the firewood for later.” And Kihyun says, “Perfect.” Minhyuk goes, “Let’s all sit back and watch a few movies until then.” Hyunwoo announces, “I’ll get the snacks!” Hyungwon and you sit in the armchair together, placing your cold pops into the two cup holders, “I feel a bit warmer now.” He laughs, “Me too.” The two of you curl up together, and he grabs the blanket from behind him. Careful of your pops, he throws the blanket over both of you. Jooheon cheers as he chooses, “The Great Pumpkin!” Hyunwoo returns with two bowls of popcorn, chips, and various little candies.

Changkyun puts smaller bowls out to make it easier on you guys since you are all spaced out from the coffee table. You move the blanket down to reach for a bowl and scoop out some popcorn. And you turn back, “Want anything else?” He shakes his head, and you sit against his chest again. Jooheon starts the movie once everyone settles into their spots. And you enjoy the movie peacefully, giggling every once in a while as you eat popcorn.

Once the night draws closer and you’ve all finished two movies. You join Hoseok in starting the fire, piling the wood strategically together. You douse it with lighter fluid, and the both of you stand back as he throws a lit match onto the pile. You high-five as it catches on fire, and he asks, “Do you want to tend to the fire while I go help Kihyun grill?” You nod, “Sounds fine.” You poke it with your fire stoker, coaxing it to grow bigger and brighter.

Once all of the firewood is burning, you sit down on a log in front of it. And the rest of your friends slowly start joining you on the logs. Hyungwon sits down beside you as Hoseok passes out the plates. Kihyun comes around with roasted vegetables and smoked meat, serving everyone their fair share. You bite into a piece, “It’s as good as ever. Thanks, Ki!” He smiles, and everyone yells out their compliments as he puts the last serving on his plate.

Kihyun gets up after finishing his first plate and asks, “Who wants seconds?!” You all cheer for another round, and Hyunwoo gets up to help him as everyone starts telling stories. Minhyuk begins, “So I’m leaving for work, right?” “Yeah,” He sighs, “The boss comes in, tells me I have more paperwork to do, and I ask if I’m getting overtime for it. And he told me ‘no’, so I told him ‘No, I won’t be doing it’. He didn’t like that. Let’s just say tomorrow. I'm having a 'friendly' talk with his supervisor in the morning. Cause I’m not going to do work, I’m not being paid for.” Hyungwon goes, “Damn right.” And he talks about the record shop and how slow it’s gotten. Although, they've put up their Halloween decorations, which is nice.

Hoseok talks about his dance studio and the new trainees he’s teaching, and Changkyun and Jooheon tell you all about their adventures in producing music this year. You talk about your job and how your boss was piling on work for you today, even though she knew you were leaving for the day. Minhyuk pats your back, “Damn, our bosses suck.” You laugh, and Hoseok chimes in, “You could always work for one of us~” You both roll your eyes and tell him, “Some of us don’t want to live entrepreneur lives.” While Minhyuk says, “My money is for fun, I don't need to work.” You all laugh, and Kihyun and Hyunwoo bring back the food.

“What are we talking about?” Hoseok shrugs, “Our careers.” Kihyun smiles, “Oh! I invested in the right assets this year, so I’ve been able to take fewer shifts at the bakery to supplement!” Hyungwon smirks and teases, “Young Flexer,” which causes Kihyun to groan, “I said it once, and you’ve never let me forget it…” You all laugh, and Hyungwon says, “That’s what friends are for.” He squints at him as he puts the meat onto his plate, “It’s so lovely being friends with you…” Hyunwoo passes out the vegetables and says, “I’ve been working at the gym like usual and at Hoseok’s studio these past few weeks.” Hoseok goes, “Oh! You should show them your new moves.” He shakes his head, and you all cheer, “Hyunwoo! Hyunwoo! Hyunwoo!” He puts the empty plate down and dances a few feet from the fire. You all cheer and clap as he finishes, and he gets shy, “That’s the new moves I learned…” Changkyun goes, “Damn, his moves are smooth.” You all agree before eating your second helping of food.

You take everyone’s plates and tell them you're going to wash them. As you walk back to the cabin with the empty dishes, Hyungwon comes up behind you, “You wanna wash them together?” You nod, “That would be lovely.” He smiles, takes some of them off your hands, and opens the screen door. As you fill the sink with soapy water, you ask, “Are you ready for marshmallows?” He nods, “Hell yeah, I am! It’s like the second best part of this trip.” You raise your eyebrow at him, “What’s the best part then? Because the marshmallows are like rewards…” He smiles, “Getting to spend this trip with you.” You bump him with your hip and go, “Yeah, that is pretty nice.” He pouts, “Just nice…” With your dry hand, you ruffle his hair, “It’s been my dream to spend these trips as your lover since we were younger. So, it's greater than nice.” Before kissing his cheek, he nods, “That’s better. And it's been mine, too.” You grin as the two of you work in harmony washing the dishes. When he puts the last plate on the drying rack, he goes, “All this water is getting to me…” You laugh, “You go use the restroom. I’ll put away the plates.” He nods and rushes off to the bathroom while you dry and put the dishes away.

You decide to wait for him by the fire. You sit back down on the log you were sitting on before to see everyone starting to finish up their jobs. You rub your hands together before putting them close to the fire. Everyone starts gathering around the fire, and Hoseok stokes the flame to grow a little brighter for the marshmallows. You hear someone approach you and look up to see Hyungwon, and he pouts, “You got here before me.” You smile and pat your lap, “It’s your turn.” He raises his eyebrow and asks, “You sure?” You nod, and he grins and moves to one side of you before sitting down on your lap. You giggle as you wrap an arm behind his back, and he tells you, “You’re warm.” And he snuggles into your embrace, and you laugh, “You’re cold.” He whispers, “It feels unreal for you to hold me.” You grin as you whisper, “I could say the same.” Minhyuk whines, “You know there is more room on the logs to sit on than being all coupley!” You both smirk at each other and go, “Jealous, are we?” He rolls his eyes, and you both laugh in victory. Changkyun comes around, handing everyone a marshmallow skewer. When everyone settles into their spots, you all start roasting your marshmallows.

Jooheon passes the chocolate bar and graham cracker plate around, and Hyungwon fashions both of your s'mores while you hold him on your lap. He hands the plate to Minhyuk before saying, “Ahh~” you laugh as you open your mouth, and he feeds you a s'more. Using your free hand, you feed him one of his. Hoseok goes, “This is the first year we’re only here for a day and a half.” Jooheon sighs, “I wish we had more time. I miss the days we would stay out here for a week or so.” Changkyun chimes in, “Some of my best memories are here.” Kihyun laughs, “Yeah, like when Joo dared you to go skinny dipping?” Changkyun laughs, “It crossed it off my bucket list. What about when you made out with that tree when you were drunk?” Kihyun groans, “I thought it was someone else... My lips hurt for weeks.”

You both have another marshmallow sandwich while they converse. And Hyunwoo goes, “Remember how we dared those two,” he points at the two of you, “to kiss for the first time?” You smile, and Jooheon says, “And now they can’t get enough of each other…” You smile and look up at Hyungwon, “Yeah, he’s right.” He grins and kisses your nose, “Yeah, I’m so glad Minhyuk dared us.” Minhyuk says, “I’m still waiting for my thank you!” And you both roll your eyes, “Thanks, Min.”

The stories and games continue into the night, each game growing more and more ridiculous than the last with the more drinks you each have. You were standing yelling, “Taka-Taka!” As Hyungwon and Jooheon went, “Heing-Heing” Changkyun for once able to follow your movements as you attacked him, and he did it right back at you. Causing you to fall to the ground in defeat, not expecting it. He cackles the loudest as you whine and drink another sip of beer before standing up and continuing the game.

When that game finally ends, you crumple onto the log beneath you. You murmur when Hyungwon is earshot, “You guys wear me out.” And he sighs, “Tell me about it.” You pat your lap, “I wanna hold you to recoup.” He lets out a breathless laugh as he nods before sitting back on your lap. “You’re like an oversized teddy bear.” You nuzzle your head into his stomach and relax. “This is nice.” He giggles, “That tickles.” You move your mouth away and say, “Sorry!” He shrugs, and you hold him tighter before adjusting and resting your head against his shoulder. “You okay?” You shake your head as Jooheon goes, “Alright, everyone rested for another round?” Hyungwon looks down at you, “No?” You shake your head, and he agrees, “Let’s go lay down.”

Hyungwon tells him you're both tired, and he gets up off of you and holds his hand out to you. Tiredly, you ask, “You guys got the fire?” They nod as you accept Hyungwon’s hand. He helps you up as they wish you both sweet dreams. You two do the same and walk back hand in hand. As you get up to the cabin, you stop him, “You know this is our second time up here as a couple?” He agrees, “Yeah... Somehow, I can't believe it.” You nod, and he squeezes your hand before continuing, “I hope we continue to do this many more times.” You grin and kiss his cheek, “Me too.” Before sweeping his hair behind his ear and kissing him, he grins as he pulls back and places his forehead against yours, “It's almost unreal that you're mine.” You smile and whisper, “I'm glad this is real and that you're mine too.” He grins and holds you closer to him as you continue to the cabin and into your shared room.

You both change into comfortable clothes, and he joins you underneath the covers. You face each other for a moment before he turns you over and wraps himself around you, “It’s my turn to cuddle you.” You giggle, “Okay.” He whispers as you both start falling asleep, “You're like a deep dream to me.” You whisper back, “You're the same for me.” He hums and agrees before you both fall asleep, dreaming of each other.

The two of you sleep in while the rest are out and about doing who knows what. It isn’t until Kihyun knocks and lets you two know that they’re having lunch with or without you guys that you get up. You both repack your small backpack before joining the guys at the table.

You serve yourself up some ramen and other goodies from the middle and eat happily. Changkyun cheers, “You guys missed it last night!” Hyungwon and you both wait for him to continue as Minhyuk sneezes, “We finished putting the fire out, and I guess we misjudged how drunk Min got…” You both raise your eyebrows, “He fell right into the ashes.” He sneezes again, “I think I still have ashes up my nose…” Hoseok goes, “We hosed him off before he entered the house.” You look at Minhyuk in worry, and Kihyun shrugs, “Don’t worry, we supplied him with clean, warm clothes.” You nod, “Good.”

They continue telling you what went down after you two went to bed. Jooheon pouted as they told you how he dropped the rest of the marshmallows into the dirt, “I didn’t mean to! I was excited.” Hyunwoo shrugs, “He fell on his ass while ‘heighing’ knocked the open bag down.” You all cackle at that, and Changkyun ruffles his hair, “It’s okay, baby, everyone makes mistakes.” He nods and cheers up, and before long, it’s time to leave the lovely cabin.

Hoseok asks as you guys leave, “Maybe we can do this for Christmas?” Minhyuk sneezes before saying, “We’ve never done that before.” You all agree that it would be fun. And Hyungwon suggests, “Maybe we roast marshmallows in the fireplace inside this time?” Hyunwoo continues, “And since it’ll probably be snowing, we’ll get frozen pizza to heat up here.” You suggest, “Hot cocoa?” Changkyun grins, “Hell yeah!” Kihyun says, “Maybe we can bake together?" Jooheon goes, “Maybe some of those delicious creature cookies." Everyone cheers before discussing possible dates before leaving for their respective homes.

You arrive home first while Hyungwon drops some people off before joining you back home. He comes in to see you lying down, eating the pizza you ordered for the two of you. He sighs, “It’s nice to come home to you.” You laugh as he joins you on the couch, and you tell him, “I’m home wherever you are.”

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toomuchracket · 11 months

Note

the new photos of ross stood next to the stage are so rockstar-boyfriend-watching-pop-star-girlfriend coded and it’s all I can think about. him being so ridiculously proud and admiring you <3

oh this to me is very like... it's a festival and your band are the penultimate headliners of the day, and the boys are last on. everyone was making JOKES about the lineup when it was released, several "ross on top" things that made you be like "why r u all surprised i literally wrote a song about this already lol. but we should be headlining i think. we at least have choreo 👀" (yes, it was you who bullied matty into doing the liiwmi dance) lol. but yeah, it's the first time you guys have ever performed at the same event like this, and every time you and ross run into each other in the artists' area backstage you get a bit giggly and flirty, just because it feels so new being at work in the same space like this - but so SO good. you knock a bit frantically on the door of the 75 dressing room maybe half an hour before you go on, fully dressed and hair done and all, but there's something lacking in your makeup; adam opens the door and he's like "oh hi! you look cool!" and you're like "bless you thank you can i come in to pester my boyfriend for a minute lol" and (soundtracked by everyone going "wow!" "you look SO good" "fucksake we have to follow outfits as cool as that? christ") you go over to ross - who's like "jesus fucking christ you're perfect" - and say "hi my love can i have a little good luck kiss now before i have to go back and put lipstick on lol?". and ross laughs and he's like "oh of course", standing up to gently hold your jaw and pulling you into a deeeeeeep kiss (someone wolf-whistles in the back and you flip them off), before pressing another little one to your hair and saying "i love you. you'll be perfect, as always. i'm going to get ready now and then i'll be at your side of the stage to watch as soon as i can, alright?" - you nod and say "i love you. i'll see you soon, ok?", and he gives you a final hug before you make your way to the door. everyone else gives you a little good luck hug too, actually, which you find really sweet and so encouraging. once you're back with your girls (who tease you a little bit about you RUNNING to get a kiss) and your lipstick's on, it's time to go to stage. the crowd are GREAT and you're all performing so well, but you don't really kick it up to full throttle until a few songs in, when you glance to the side and see ross standing there all hot and smiling proudly with his pint and his best friend/your band's actual number one fan lol - seeing your boyfriend there just spurs you on a bit, and your dancing gets even sharper and singing a bit more passionate. the crowd are loving it, your boyf (and literally the entirety of the 75's touring lineup, who have packed in to watch and cheer you on ridiculously loudly lmao) is loving it, you're loving it... it's all so good. ross does get a bit blushy and shy when it comes to you performing that one really horny song you wrote about him, and you find it so cute - afterwards, you're like "it's a very weird experience making eye contact during a song with the person you wrote the song about lmao. but he's into eye contact, so he probably enjoyed it" and look at ross (shaking his head but beaming at you) and wink as the crowd (and matty, literally lying on the ground in hysterics) goes insane. but yeah, you guys are INCREDIBLE - i think matty literally says something like "i have no idea how we're meant to follow that up. fuck it, we'll try anyway" when the boys get onstage lol - and as soon as you get offstage ross literally scoops you up to make out with you and be like "i am so fucking proud of you, love, you smashed it. i love you so much". and then after you get changed, you guys have maybe 15 mins to hang out while the stage is reconfigured, so it's just ross being like "it was so cool when you did this" and listing his favourite parts of your performance and continuing to kiss you until it's his turn to go onstage and smash it, and yours to watch proudly from the side <3

#mads muses #mads answers asks #ross asks #fluff asks #girlband gf

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incorrectgallaghergirlsquotes · 3 months

Note

GG wrapped 12

Song 12: Best by Gracie Abrams

(another different format than I usually do)

Dear Josh,

Hi. Hey. Hi Josh. Hi.

I've been thinking about you a lot lately. And I can't talk to anyone about it. Or maybe I don't want to.

I think the only person I could talk to about you... is you. And I can't do that for obvious reasons. Well, obvious to me. It can't be obvious to you because you forgot, which is the obvious thing, and now we're in this whole kind of spiral thing where it just goes around and around like a... spiral.

I did some crazy things. Crazier than getting a bottle out of a trash can or going through your trash or everything that happened the night we broke up.

I realize you might not have known about the trash thing, but I'm just gonna move past that.

You might be wondering why, in the aftermath of all of the things that have happened since the night we broke up, why am I thinking about you. Maybe it's because I miss when things were much easier and, whether you believe it or not, that was a much easier time.

Or maybe it has more to do with the fact that I lost my memories recently. Of the whole summer. I realize I actually don't know how much you forgot and I never will. I know the night we broke up is mostly a blur and I know you remember that we dated and that I lied.

Since coming back I've been almost bored out of my mind. I've lost so much weight, but also my whole appetite? I don't know what I'm doing. I feel like everyone keeps thinking they're presenting me with opportunities to 'come back' and I keep missing or not taking them. And somehow, through all this weirdness, the weirdest thing is that I've felt you here the whole time. Everything seems to come back to the semester we met. And it's my own fault, it's the things I did that made it this way, but it makes me think of you and it's like you're here.

I guess that's why I can't talk to Zach about this. If Zach was talking to me that is. Anyway, I realized I don't really have much to say about you, rather, things I want to say to you. Um, so, I guess, that's what this is.

I must have lied straight to your face twenty times a day. And like how can you lie that much to someone while still thinking you love them? While wanting them to believe that you love them? I get so mad at Zach for withholding things from me and lying to me. And he's doing that for things far more serious than I was. He'll do it if he thinks it'll keep me safe; even if it makes me hate him a little bit. The stakes are high. What was I lying to you for? Fun? Like scratching an itch. Like you were my little strange addiction.

And you still tried to stay after you found out I lied. Sure, you wanted me to explain and I lied some more, but then you followed me anyway. On a forklift. Against what you thought were kidnappers. I guess highly trained operatives are actually worse than run of the mill kidnappers. Although the kidnappers being run of the mill is really an assumption and what would it even mean to be a run of the mill kidnapper? It's not like that's a serious profession. Unless it is

I don't know, Josh. I've always done the on my own thing. My instinct is to isolate myself. It's why I'm called the chameleon, not that you knew that about me. And there you were, showing me, at the end but also throughout our relationship, that you would have stood by me and I just- couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to not hide from you, too. In my defense, clearly I wouldn't have been able to tell you much since you did end up having your memory wiped. But we never really had a chance. And that's kind of on me.

I'm sorry. I'm sure it feels like I played with your feelings. And maybe I did. I wish you knew that was never my intention.

We were too different if you look at the larger picture. But if you looked at just Josh and Cammie, I don't think we were half bad. I wish we'd had a chance. A real chance. I'm glad that you and I happened and I wish you knew I do regret how I handled it. I'd hope you could forgive me, if you ever got to know all this. Because I bet you resent me. I would. It wasn't really your style, but no one is perfect. I'd resent me, resent all of it, so it's not like I could blame you. But maybe someday we could look back on what happened and agree maybe we weren't terrible. Maybe we were just fifteen.

I'm not saying any of this as an excuse. I promise I haven't forgotten my fault in all of this. And I mean look at me now. I'm alone, sitting here, in what is supposed to be my home with my best friends and my boyfriend and I'm writing a letter to my ex boyfriend that no one is ever gonna see but me. And I don't blame them either, not really. Since you I've messed up with a lot of people in my life. All of my self-control kind of got difficult I guess.

I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I know and I'm sorry. Josh, you're the worst of my crimes. They all started with you and you were completely innocent. You fell hard for a girl you thought you knew and I wasn't even her. And then you saw me with Zach and I'm sure it felt so weird. Like a punch to the gut in the form of me just waving a new guy around like 'good riddance!'.

I never was the best to you. I'm sorry.

I never was. And I'm sorry. But I'm trying to be better. I just wanted to tell somebody that I'm trying. Someone who won't tell me that I'm not or that it's not enough.

#gallagher girls series #gallagher girls #cammie morgan #josh abrams #gg fanfic #gg spotify wrapped

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xattexx · 2 years

Text

Hey momma

pairing: Namjoon x reader

genre: fluff

word count: 1153 (quick drabble I wrote while drinking)

a/n: main idea is that I think Jimin would be the first one to care about you. I hope you enjoy it little bit.

To be honest you were looking forward to your labour. It is not like the whole pregnancy was too hard or you had complications, you just wanted this child out of you. You love your bump and little kicks and your 'pregnant woman golden card' but you also want back ability to sleep on your side or belly. Even through Namjoon have bought you a body pillow that you can wrap around yourself and sleep on your side, it just wasn’t it.

You would say that it was Namjoon who was most looking forward to be a dad but it looked like Jimin was more happy to be an uncle than rest of them. Jimin was always asking Namjoon about the baby, he wanted to know the gender sooner than rest of the boys, he always bought some onesies for the baby, he always bragged about that he will be the most favorite uncle.

So when one night your water broke, Namjoon called him to help him get you to hospital. Namjoon still didn’t had a car and so Jimin was first option to call. He was there as soon as possible. While Jimin was driving, Namjoon was in the back with you, trying to steady your breathing, holding your head on his shoulder while whipping the sweat from your head, his other hand holding yours since pain was killing you.

"Please don't destroy my car." Jimin tried to ease the mood with little joke.

"SAY THAT ONCE AGAIN AND I WILL PUSH THE BABY OUT HERE IN THE CAR JUST TO MAKE IT MESSY." You screamed at him. You didn't wanted but he said it in the wrong time while contractions were destroying you.

When you got to the hospital Jimin left you alone with Namjoon since he knew this was your guys family moment. He needed to wake up the boys anyway and tell them you will deliver the baby soon. Meanwhile he was calling Yoongi he asked him to go to buy a plushie for him. Yoongi was confused since he thought that baby will have enough of them at home but sure. But it wasn’t for the baby.

To say that Namjoon was the sweetest guy you could have next to you was true. He helped to you sit up, rub your feet, get you water, hug you when you cried about the pain, cry with you since he couldn’t bear the thought that you will be in worse pain soon. He made you laugh by that because you thought you were suppose to be emotional and not the baby daddy. You both promised that you will get though this since you were in this together.

"Namjoon? I am scared." You said while he massaged your shoulders.

"I know you are Y/N but you will do this. You are one strong and awesome woman I love. You will do this and I will be there by your side. Listening all your curses, holding your hand and making sure everything goes smooth like butter." He promised as he interacted your pinkies.

"Did you just quote your own song?" You chuckled.

"Jin-hyung taught me that. You know I should start making more dad jokes." He was happy that he made your mood little bit better.

"He did? I would never say that." You said sarcastically.

After another 3 hours the nurse told you, you are ready to push. Contractions were every few minutes and you were dilated 10 cm. When you said you were prepared to deliver the baby, you were lying. The pain was too much. You were pushing 45 minutes, screaming, sweating, cursing Namjoon for having sex with you, cursing the fact that you were pregnant, one minute later you were apologizing to him, squeezing his hand as hard as you could… Let’s just say it was tiring. You didn’t slept much since the baby decided to come in the middle of the night and the delivery itself is tiring but it was worth it. Now that you have your little bungle of joy in your arms. Yes you were still in pain and legs were giving up but feeling your baby on your chest and the first contact was priceless. They took your baby to clean him and finishing patching you up. Namjoon crying next to you and waiting for his son to come back to you.

As soon as they came back with your baby Namjoon cried again. You held your son and started talking to him. He just looked at you and smile. Namjoon already adore that smile. You told Namjoon to pick up his son and have some moment with him. He was scared for the first time but as soon as the baby cuddle more into his chest he was overwhelmed with the emotions. This was your family moment. He was so proud of you. You both created your son. He knew mostly you did and that’s why he respects you even more from now.

"Woow, this is him. This is our child. We made this Y/N. Hey sweetheart. It is me, your daddy. The guy that had to rap for you in the middle of the night because you didn't want to sleep lately." Namjoon was having his moment. Awwwing at your son when he wrapped his little fingers around his pinky.

Joon remembered that there are 6 uncles waiting for him outside. Waiting to meet their new favorite person. As Yoongi said, the future Rap monster. You told him to go. That you will rest while they will be joyfully taking turns to hold your child.

When Namjoon came to the waiting room they all stood up. They have been up with you and him since Jimin called them. Waiting for the first child in the group. They were as you would expected. Taehyung first next to Namjoon already smiling at the baby, Jungkook jumping around, Jin making dad jokes about dad himself, Yoongi slowly observing, Hobi making funny faces at baby. Jimin just adoringly look at your child and picked up the plushie that Yoongi brought for him. He knew that everybody will be head over heels from the baby but he wanted to know how you are feeling. He didn’t wanted to make you feel left out since your emotions were still all around the place.

“Hey momma, how are you feeling?” He asked when he came to your room.

You smiled “Well tired but it is over now. Why are you not with the boys?”

“Well, I wanted to check on you and give you this as your first gift before they all will. I am making sure you are fine.” Jimin said as he handed you crab plushy. It was Yoongi’s choice so no comment on that one. You were thankful for this. Normally mothers after giving birth are forgotten and everybody just cares about the baby. Well at least you thought so, until all of them crushed into your room, Taehyung holding the baby, all the boys celebrating and congratulating you on your hard job. Namjoon was apologizing you that he couldn’t stop them. They don’t care that is it almost dawn, that you should be sleeping, they wanted to see you. Of course Joon couldn’t stop them. Not even his leader card worked this time. Yeah you were tired but few more minutes with your whole family will not kill you.

#bts fluff #namjoon fluff #namjoon x reader #namjoon x you #namjoon x y/n #namjoon imagine #jimin fluff #jimin imagine #btsimagine #bts fic

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ivoncu · 1 year

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SORRY IF TBIS AENDS TWICE LMAO ANYWAY I WAS THE ANON THAT SEND THE QUESTION ABOUT THE REQUEST UHH HERE IT IS (FEEL FREE TO WRITE IT WITH SOMEONE ELSE IF U WANNA AUAUAU)

so rei with a friend (they have a crush on rei but hasnt confessed yet) thats an idol too !!! cool, right??? readers group is finishing a concert, ending with a song where reader is the main vocals (which is pretty rare for em,, i was thinkin something like this) and the day after the concert reader goes missing, and the rest of their group is oddly quiet about it,, and then rei accidentally stumbles upon them like a month later?? reader ends up confessing they cut off contact with everyone except their group and hasnt left their house because they were getting stressed,, and end up confessing that they like rei,,,

FEEL BETTER S. REI

〝 ☆ 𓈒 SYPNOSIS 𝄒 sometimes you feel like giving up on your dreams and die

〝 𓈒 CONTENT WARNING 𝄒 descriptive implications of reader being depressed, self loathing, if theres anything else i missed please let me know!!

(n.) — note hihi its been a while since i posted anything huh.. this fanfic is fucking long and unproofread so ignore if i did grammatical mistakrs or someyhibg... i am sorry for making you wait for a whole month for something likr this cesarsbeloved merry christmas 🤗

Everything starts and ended in a flash—you are starting to wonder whether any of these are real in the first place.

You used to like being on stage like this; singing your hearts out with your unitmates, trying to capture as many peoples attention as possible.

But these past few days, you feel nothing but dread whenever you're on stage. Is it burnout or are you really not that into being an idol anymore? You didn't know either.

And shouldn't you do your best since that Rei Sakuma had actually agreed to hold this concert with you—the esteemed UNDEAD with a unit such as yours. What an unlikely joint of events.

Well, it's all coming to an end anyways. You've decided to give everybody something they haven't seen before in a while, but would they like it?

You're sure that your other unitmate could hold this off better than you—hell, their voice is better than yours anyways. Why did they even agree to let you do this?

There isn't any room for regret now, the show's coming to a close. With a heavy heart, you sang. Your skips a thousand beats a minute; there was nobody to cover up your mistakes, nobody to help you. Even if they could, it'll be too late and you'd already embarrass yourself in front of the huge crowds.

Well at least UNDEAD isn't currently on stage to see you fail first hand, you suppose.

This is just terrible, this is why you don't like being the main vocal.

Your song surprisingly went right, nothing terrible happens but there's still something that looms behind you—some sort of sense of shame?

The moment you walked off stage, you instantly ran towards the bathroom.

The tap water sinking into the drainer was nothing but another white noise to you. All of your thoughts and emotions are whirling inside of you—it all felt so overwhelming to the point where you're sure you can break the edge of the sink that seemed like you're holding onto dear life to.

You wouldn't say you're insecure about how you look, but you'd be lying if you said it's not hard trying to look at yourself in the mirror right now.

Sometimes you simply wish you could look like someone else; someone prettier and more talented than what you are right now it's going to drive you to the edge.

Oh, and how you wish you could punch the mirror right now.

This isn't right, you should remain your composure. You've worked so hard for this, have you not?

But do you truly deserve it?

You shook your head, trying to regain your composure once again. It's terrible that you just ran off like that—they're all probably worried about you.

Your lips formed a thin line as you looked at yourself in the mirror dead in the eye. You only scoffed before closing the tap, preventing anymore water waste. You felt like you should apologize to whoever was paying this place's water bill for wasting water.

But nonetheless, you remained your composure. Your thoughts are all repressed to the back of your head; at least for now.

You unlocked the bathroom door, and opened the door. You didn't expect to see anything the moment you open the door, but to your surprise none other than Rei Sakuma himself was standing afoot, his hands behind his back as he did nothing but smiled.

"Ah... Sakuma-san...?" You stuttered, suddenly gripping onto the doorknob for dear life. "D-did I made you wait for too long...? Aha, sorry if I did." You sheepishly apologized, closing the door behind you.

"Ah, no. I was simply waiting for you to come out."

"So.. Like... You wanted to go to the bathroom?"

"Fufu, as I had previously stated; no. I was concern over your wellbeing, thus followed you here." He chuckled.

It's really... Surprising, indeed. Why would the Rei Sakuma be so worried over your wellbeing? And what did he even expect you to do in there?

"Thank you, Sakuma-san." You thanked, unsure on what to do other than that.

"There's no need for formalities; we're friends, aren't we? You can just call me Rei-kun ♪"

"Rei... Kun, huh?" You muttered out the name. You couldn't help but smile at his words, even you could feel your cheeks heating up.

"[Name], shall we go back to the others now?" He asks, his smile never falters even slightly as he nudges his head to the direction the others are, you suppose.

If you weren't blushing before, you are absolutely blushing right now.

"... Sure." You replied. You still wanted to keep your composure, you didn't want to seem weird over such simple friendly gesture.

But that was so embarrassing...?? Why'd he call your name like that??

"Well, Sakuma—urm, Rei-kun. Was there another reason for you to do this?" You ask, walking alongside him as you passed by workers who were doing their job to finish cleaning up for the day.

"You're sharp, indeed." He smiled, turning his head to you, "I did notice something rather unusual about your performance just now—by no means I am trying to say it's terrible; I am simply rather curious. About you, specifically." He continues his monologue before his gaze falls upon you once again.

"You weren't acting like yourself, were you?" He asked, his tone sounded nonchalant over such question—too casual, is that the word?

His question is also ridiculous. You don't know what he means. No idols by all means truly act like themselves on stage, do they? It's just ridiculous.

"Fanservice, sultry clothes to keep the fans hooked—shouldn't you understand it, Rei-kun? You're an idol; an esteemed one, that is." You sighed, shaking your head. "I am sure even you don't want to reveal all part of yourself to the public, so isn't it... Quite a hypocritical question to ask?"

"It isn't about fanservice and whatnot, it's about how you acted so indifferently than the others; you looked sad, [Name]."

"... Please don't try to poke your nose into something you aren't apart of." Your tone was something of an angry whisper more than anything. You gritted your teeth, your hands curled into balls as you look away from him.

"Of course I wil not, that is something I am not qualified to do, but do well remember that we all love and care for you." Suddenly, his hands were on top of your shoulders.

His grip on your shoulders were firm—so warm for a self proclaimed vampire. His smile was so gentle too.

"I will not force you to tell me about your problems, but if you ever need someone to talk to please remember that I'm always available." With that, his hands left your shoulders, and thus he turned his back on you, leaving you there.

He stopped on his tracks and glanced back at you, he suavely smiled at you with a wave before he walks once again. "Don't be too late, alright? Your unitmates must be worried sick about you."

Perhaps you should've listened to his advices, but are you going to? No.

It's been... Months? Since you last saw Rei, you hadn't even went outside for a while. You feel so dirty for not doing so, the only source of light in your room was from the computer screen.

Your whole place is a mess, but you felt no motivation to clean up; no motivation to do anything anymore, not even to eat.

Your phone was left with thousands of unread messages from your immediate family, all voicing their concern about your sudden disappearance, but you knew they all had ulterior motive and didn't bother—you just can't bother anymore.

Your friends had been understanding of your situation, but you had allowed none to go inside your apartment—either way, it's pretty disgusting.

You soon lean back onto your chair, feeling nothing but eternal dread. How did you end up like this...? You used to be so bright and cheerful. How did you turn into a loser who hasn't seen the sun in weeks?

You want to change, you want... To go outside for a change. You haven't hanged out with your friends in a while, you want to hang out with them again, you wanna laugh with them again.

But do you even have the motivation to even put a deodorant on? You must smell pretty disgusting for not showering in a while. Ah, you'll just force yourself to.

You didn't really think too much about what to wear. You simply put on whatever clothes that was the closest to you. A hoodie and a tracksuit, it's fine. It's starting to get chilly outside anyways.

You grabbed your phone and other essentials before going to unlock the door. You stare back at your apartment, sighing through your nose at the ugly sight. Alas, you left.

The leaves are starting to fall down, the atmosphere is starting to get colder—the winter days are near. Ah, just what happened to fall?

You felt terrible; you've made so many plans with your friends this fall but only to end up standing them up like this. But surely they understand, right?

And how is Rei doing today? Does he miss you?

... Why would you even want to know. Him missing you or not is the least of your concern. You should be trying to fix your life that's in shambles right now, not think of that bastard.

Your attention focused on the cobblestone path, silently passing by different people with different lives—ah, how you envy them. They are all probably living a normal, comfortable life with their loved ones.

A normal life without needing to overthink about the simplest mistakes you make and even if they did, they'd come back home with someone to comfort them. How envious you are of them, really.

You shook your head, trying to shake those loathing thoughts away. Ah, must you really think of that right now? Just focus on... Trying to interact with another human being or something.

You continued afoot; to where? Not that you have a peculiar place in mind to go, but the park is always the prettiest in times like these. Maybe you should go there.

And thus you followed with your idea. The moment you were in the park, you covered your your lower face with your scarf. There was so many people here, it'd be a terrible thing if someone were to find out you're here.

You doubt everybody thinks you're dead, but still. Being caught in a park like this would be embarrassing.

From where you were standing, you could already see the lake frozen up as the atmosphere grows colder around you—the snows are piling up at the side of the pathways, much enough for children to already start playing with it.

The laugher goes through your ear and left the other as you further walked near the railing of the lake.

Christmas is near... You wish you could spend it with your friends and family this year, but you don't think you can after going on a sudden unplanned hiatus like this.

A rather melancholic feelings arisen within you. Ah, this is just terrible. You grip on the railing tighter, trying not to let a single tear fall.

From the corner of your eyes, a man came a close, leaning on the railing also besides you. The distance between you two is big, but it still felt awkward nonetheless.

"Christmas... It's the most wonderful time of the year, don't you think so?" The man asks. You would've just nodded or replied with a short yes like any other person would, but his voice. He isn't just some random guy—his voice was rather familiar.

You look over to your side to see the Rei Sakuma standing right beside you.

Wait, how did he know you're here? Or does he genuinely think you're a random person? Wait, what are you even supposed to do now?

Should you show your identity to him? Should you just pretend to not know him? What should you do?

"I-I guess." You coughed, pulling on your scarf farther onto your face as you glance away from the man.

He would be lying if he said he didn't knew it was you, but you don't seem to be too ready to disclose everything from the looks of it, so he'll just pretend; he'll simply pretend that you both are nothing but strangers by lucky circumstances.

"The snow... Does it remind you of anything, may I ask?" His question was a weird one. Well, it's Rei Sakuma... He is known to be an eccentric, so you suppose his questions are oughtta be eccentric too.

"... Well, I suppose it takes me back to when I was a dumb kid, playing the snow with my friends." You responded, smiling fondly at the memory. "My friend accidentally hit me with a snow so hard I accidentally fell and slipped down and hurt my head. Funny story."

"Fufu, that is a wonderful story. It brings back many nostalgic memories of me and my little brother in the past."

"I suppose." You replied once again.

Soon silence followed. The lack of conversation made the situation awkward, for you at least. There was white noise of children laughing and people talking, but it doesn't matter.

"I have a question for you, if you don't mind answering it." He suddenly spoke, his gaze didn't stray away from the distant buildings and his smile stays the same.

"Ah...? Go on?"

"Whenever you think of Christmas, does anyone come to mind? Christmas is a wonderful time of the year; even you have someone who you cherish deeply, no?"

You stayed silent. To him, his silence says it all.

"Ah, my apologies. A rather rude question to ask someone whom you've just met, huh?" He tried to damage control everything. "I apologize again, stranger. You must have somewhere else to go."

He pushed himself away from the railing, and soon turned his back on you. It reminds you all like that moment you shared with him on your last show.

"Until we meet again, kind stranger." He turned his head back to you for one last time.

Before he could leave, you instantly grab ahold of his biceps. His smile never falters yet you can see the confused look on his face.

"Sakuma Rei-kun. Please don't leave yet." You brought your scarf down, flashing him your face for a few moment.

"Ah, [Name]-chan. It's been a long time, hasn't it?" He asks, flashing you a closed eye smile as if he did not just try to pretend that you both are nothing but strangers.

"How did you know I was here?" Was your first question to him before you let go of his arm.

"I did not. It was simply a coincidence." His response deadpanned you mentally. "Perhaps even God has decided we'd be more a fit to be together and brought us in the same path once again...?" He chuckled at his own unfunny joke.

Your heart skipped a beat at his statement. Well, that was simply just a joke. He likes to tease around, yeah. It's a joke, don't get your hopes too high...

"I'm sorry for disappearing. I... Should've told you sooner that I'd be on hiatus, huh? Well, sorry. I'm a bad friend; if you even think of me as one..."

"No, don't fret over it, [Name]. I was concern about your sudden disappearance, but I'm sure you have your own reasons—whatever it is, I truly do hope that it's settled."

"I have been so lonely without you, you know? Without my best friend beside me, just who will I tease otherwise?"

"You are not funny, Rei-kun." You replied.

"Fufu, alright, alright. I'm sorry." He apologized, yet the chuckle he lets out says otherwise.

"But it has truly been a while, [Name]. I'd like to know more about everything that happened during your disappearance. Shall we grab a cup of hot tea?"

"Nothing happened. I was just fighting my own demons during my hiatus, I guess."

"Oh? Are you saying you summoned a demon during your break?" He asks, looking genuinely confused at your statement.

"It's... A slang." You muttered out.

"Ah, I see. What a weird slang, fufu. Perhaps I'll ask the children about it later." He chuckles, leaving you dumbfounded yourself.

You couldn't help but chuckle at his own words. Seriously, this guy such an eccentric.

An "I love you..." suddenly rolled down your tongue before you could even realize it.

Silence soon followed once again. You weren't sure whether you said that loudly or not, but the look on his face says the former.

"You... Love me?" He asks, bringing his hand to his chin as his cheeks were tainted with pink hues.

"Uhm, no... I didn't say—uhm, you're dreaming. Nothing about this is real." You stammered out, trying to hide the fact that you're far more than embarrassed that you accidentally confessed to him.

"Fufu, there's no need to be embarrassed about it, in fact; I do love you too."

Those words that rolled down his tongue, it was... Too surreal, you suppose? No way the Rei Sakuma from the unit UNDEAD would like—no, love you back, right?

What a strange turn of events.

#ensemble stars x reader #enstars x reader #rei sakuma x reader

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wearingaberetinparis · 1 year

Text

Snippet Upcoming Jily AO3 AU

@wonderfullyweirdd this one is for you and I hope it will make you feel so much better after your terrible day. All credits for this idea go to @annabtg who wrote a wonderful fic called AO3 Is Down (read it if you haven't yet). All encouragement of me pursuing this goes to (again) @annabtg, @annasghosts and @practicecourts! Thank you, sweethearts! Anyway, I am naming this oneshot after yet another Taylor Swift song, because I can: everybody is a sexy baby, and i'm a monster on a hill.

andytonks OMG!!!!!! prongs updated Mischief Managed and do.not.call.me.lilyflower dropped a new AU oneshot at practically the same time! *Shocked emoji* Did I die and go to heaven?! *Pinching herself.*

alice.in.wonderland It’s supposed to be Friday the 13th, right? I was preparing myself for the absolute worst and now my two absolute faves prongs and do.not.call.me.lilyflower updated on the same day?! I could cry actual tears of joy! The only thing that would be better is if they would actually collab.

andytonks OMG!!!!!!!!! I would pay to see them paired up. @notmaryberry work your magic with next month's challenge will you?

notmaryberry I shall take it under advisement. *Thinking emoji* Joking, on it already. *Grinning emoji* They both signed up for the Valentine's one. I mean... could it be any more perfect?! *Heart emoji* But also: nooooooooo!!!!!! I’ve got to bloody work late today and there is no way I’ll be able to read anything before I get home tonight and it’s been such a shitty day that I fear I might not be able to stay up past ten. Why do I have to be a functioning adult while I could read fanfiction all day…? andytonks Babe!!!!!!! That’s so sad!!!!!! But also... you are evil. Pairing them up for Valentine’s… Just let me know where I transfer the money I owe you. *Winking emoji* notmaryberry *Mwah* It's completely free of charge, love. It’s not as if I wouldn’t benefit here immensely myself. I think, actually, that I’m doing the entire community a service. padfoot Look at you ladies scheming without me… I taught you well alice.in.wonderland I feel like Charlie’s Angels. We should do the whole: “Hi Charlie!” whenever you pop up. padfoot *Shudders* I’m so not a Charlie If you’d seen me in real life you’d think I’m too cool for fandom any way Alas My best mate dragged me down notmaryberry @padfoot do you reckon we can make prongs and do.not.call.me.lilyflower pairing up for the V-day challenge look like a coincidence?! padfoot Ha! prongs would immediately suspect anyone who would do such a thing of foul play You know how he gets when anyone mentions she-who-must-not-be-named around him notmaryberry Oh well, he can just voice his complaint and I’ll calm him down. I’m not a teacher for nothing. I’ve got experience with dramatic temper tantrums! (Had to resolve four today, can you believe I teach in secondary?!) Plus, I can just say that I wanted to have two of our most esteemed writers working together, so the fandom could enjoy the magic they create. I wouldn’t even be lying. *High five emoji*

andytonks I’m so confused as to why they don’t like each other?! Like… They are both insanely talented, write for the same fandom and they just full on ignore the other. I’ve never seen either so much as tag the other or reblog the other’s works and the fandom is SMALL!!!!!!

notmaryberry Oh, I keep forgetting that you weren’t around for *the incident*.

alice.in.wonderland Those were dark, dark, dark days… I think it’s tragic to be honest. It’s been… two years by now, I think, right?

notmaryberry Roughly, I think. It's so stupid. It was clearly a misunderstanding. If only @snake.boy hadn’t butted in and made prongs seem as if he was antagonising her…

andytonks Oh, right! Didn’t prongs say that he didn’t like AUs or something?! Or that he thought that non-magical fics were a waste of time?!

padfoot Gross misinterpretation of his words He said he didn’t like *writing* non-magical fic He never said he doesn't like reading it Plus he never once mentioned do.not.call.me.lilyflower That was @snake.boy tagging her in his post and causing hellfire to nearly break up the fandom as a whole

notmaryberry True! Of course, everyone butted in with their two cents and then prongs and do.not.call.me.lilyflower were on opposite ends of a conflict that neither of them started. They’ve been rivals ever since.

alice.in.wonderland I wouldn’t say rivals so much. They just pretend the other doesn’t exist.

padfoot Believe me He knows she exists all too well He seethes in his room over her talents and complains about her imagery, similes and metaphors I caught him reading her works so many times He even has a separate AO3 account where he bookmarks her fics and leaves comments on them He says he’s merely investigating what she’s up to but who is he kidding?! As if this isn’t fanfiction we’re talking about

alice.in.wonderland Hey! Don’t act as if fic isn’t what we actually live and breathe for!

padfoot Course it is It's just that I like prongs to think he’s pathetic for it all Remember that he doesn’t know I’m IN the fandom and that I read his and her work as religiously as some might read LOTR or the Bible

andytonks Honestly, I love you, but you’re such a prick.

padfoot that’s what most people that know me say Except for my mother She would never have said the first

#everybody is a sexy baby and i'm a monster on a hill #upcoming fic #jily ao3 au

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sharkpupsblog · 10 months

Text

😨 Lost Horse! 🐎 PART 10. Before the storm.

Sabine x GN! Reader fanfic!

Hi!!! Silly part out today!!!! I have made so many parts for this… i am having so much fun writing but I really have got to put some restrictions on myself 😭💔 anyways Nothing else to say today so! Enjoy!!! :D

Summary: you and Sabine go on a date while on your date you open up to her.

Warnings: foul language.

“When I was a kid my dad told me this trail was haunted” you rode side by side with Sabine. The girl looked to you “haunted?” You nod giving her a smile “he said he always saw weird things on the Firgrove trail.” You narrowed your eyes “he said he saw…” You lower your voice to a whisper “aliens!” You whisper yell. Sabine rolls her eyes at you “and you believe him?” You shook your head “not anymore” Sabine takes notice of your words “not anymore?”

She repeats, and you nod “I was six when he told me” you continue riding down the trail. “I was too young to think my dad would lie so I was terrified of this trail” you look around the trail. “Maybe he wasn’t lying” you continue looking around. Sabine wonders what it is you are looking for. “I mean if Garnok and Aideen exist what says my dad didn’t actually see some aliens on the trail?” Your mare neighs, she lowers her head to the ground to take a bite of some grass.

“I haven’t seen any aliens” Sabine looks up at the sky. The sun shines bright above you both. It’s a nice sunny day. Perfect for a trail ride date. “So your dad-“ she looks back down at you “is a liar.” Now it’s your turn to roll your eyes at her. “Are you saying that because you seriously don’t believe or because you hate my dad?” The girl smiles she tells you it’s a “mix of both.” Any hopes of introducing the two washes away from you. It’s definitely best not to introduce them.

You fear they will kill each other, or maybe your dad will have Anne do it for him. Yeah, your dad would most likely have Anne do it for him. “Even if I liked your dad, I seriously doubt I would believe he saw E.T out here” Sabine watches as you dismount, and you walk over to a tree. At the roots of the tree some moss is growing. The Firgrove trail was where you got some of your supplies for Farah. The trail not only served as the perfect date spot but also a great gathering place. You grab a handful of moss, and you take a little Ziplock baggie out of your pocket.

The moss is carefully stuffed into the baggie. While you put the moss up your mare grazes. Khaan is still walking, but he comes to a stop when he reaches where your mare is. The Friesian joins your horse in grazing. “Can’t wait to see the look on your face when a cool spaceship comes flying by” you walk over to your mare. You put the Ziplock baggie full of moss in your saddlebag. You grab another empty baggie. It goes into your pocket for later.

“What kind of plants are you looking for?” Sabine dismounts to allow Khaan to graze. You smile when she walks over to you. “In this area there is moss and rubia” you hold out your hand, and Sabine takes it. No more riding from here on its walking. You walk, and Sabine walks with you. Behind you both your horses slowly follow you. They graze as they follow. Sabine helps you look for moss. She only helps with moss because she has no idea what rubia looks like.

While you walk, and look for moss and rubia you also talk. You tell Sabine that you learned how to play a new song on her guitar. It’s an easy one to play for a beginner like you. You also thank her again for giving you the guitar. The girl handed it over to you because she knew you would use it. She really didn’t want to have the guitar sit in her closet anymore. It felt like a huge waste of money to not use it.

The guitar was in good hands now. Hands that would definitely play it and not stuff it in a closet. “Did you talk to Katja yet?” You stop your plant searching, so you can look at Sabine. “She said she sent you a message about plants in Wildwoods” Sabine would take you herself but after what happened with the druid stone, she wanted nothing to do with Wildwoods.

You knew why she didn’t want to go back there. She told you her reason why a while ago. She told you when you mentioned the plants located there. You wanted to go but you did not know the area, so you asked Sabine to come along. The girl told you she couldn’t. The explosion of the stone left her and Khaan terrified to go back. What was supposed to be just another normal mission turned into the mission. The stone’s explosion left more than physical scars.

You understood her fear perfectly. “I did and she told me to meet her there Friday” Sabine couldn’t take you, but her friends/co-workers could. You met Katja first. You met her because she bumped into you and Sabine in Hollow Woods. The witch was headed home to the valley, and you accidentally bumped into her. Katja wanted you dead she really did, but she realized you could be used for info. The woman tried her best at getting info. For one full week she tried to get you to spill as much as she could. You had absolutely nothing important on you.

It was clear you were just Avalon’s kid. Not a future druid or a Soul Rider just a druid’s kid. The next week the witch decided was going to kill you with an ice storm when you were riding home alone. She thought it was best for Sabine to have no distractions. You ended up finding her before she could get a proper storm going. She had her violin with her, that’s how you found her. You told her she played beautifully, and it was enough to flatter the witch into not killing you. She would say it was pity for you that made her change her mind.

“Jay said she’s going too since she has more knowledge on plants than I do” you met Jay when Sabine introduced you both. Sabine introduced you to her in hopes of Jay being able to help you with your plant search. She also did it so Jay wouldn’t pull the shit Katja did. At first the girl didn’t really care for you. She started caring after you gifted her a book. Sabine told you that Jay liked books. You wanted to make a good impression, so you gifted her a book.

The girl appreciated the book and her no care mindset changed towards you. You were on good terms with all the Dark Rider’s. You were now not only hiding one criminal from your dad but three. You were hiding three criminals from the druid’s most wanted list. If your dad ever found out, you were surely going to get in huge trouble. You were fine though. All your meetings were secret and in places your dad would never go to. He would never find out. Hiding this secret made you feel really guilty, so a part of you wanted him to find out.

Maybe you could get him to like your new friends and your girlfriend. You were getting tired of hiding this big of a secret. It was too much for you. Due to your heavy thinking you went quiet. Sabine noticed it, she gave your hand a squeeze directing your attention to her. “Everything okay?” Sabine’s look held pure worry for you. You looked to her giving her hand a squeeze back. “I’m fine” you gave her a sad smile “I just-.” Before you could tell her what was bothering you, you were interrupted.

Your mare neighed behind you, and Khaan whinnied. You looked to the horses seeing Khaan trying to nip at your mare. The Lipizzaner backed away from the Friesian trying to get him to leave her alone. Sabine redirected you again, she wanted you to speak about what was bothering you. The horses were playing they would be fine. She was focused on you and you only at the moment “You what?” You looked back at her. You were glad that she kept catching your attention. You wanted to talk to someone about what bothered you.

You needed to talk to someone before guilt ate you up. “I feel really guilty about keeping you a secret from my dad” you let go of Sabine’s hand. You backed up needing a little more space to talk. She understood she stayed where she was. She listened as you talked about what bothered you. “Lying about Khaan hurt and lying about you hurts more because this lie is much bigger than the one about Khaan” you hugged yourself. “You’re my girlfriend” you took a shaky breath in “I want him to know what you mean to me but-.” You looked up at Sabine.

The girl frowned when you looked up at her. “I fear that if I tell him about you, I’ll be putting you in danger” you did not want your dad to hurt your girlfriend. Sabine sighed she bit her lip. The girl was thinking about what to say to you. She thought maybe meeting with Avalon might make you feel better, but she saw no safe way to do it. She also thought that maybe telling your dad about her without meeting might help, but she didn’t want to get you in trouble.

There was no way to tell your dad about her without some kind of trouble. You knew this too. You had reached that conclusion many times. Whenever you thought you had come up with a way to fix your problem it always ended with someone hurt or with you in trouble. “What do I do?” You put a hand up to your mouth when a sob escaped you. The horses neighed behind you, and they ran at the same time you sobbed. You hoped your girlfriend didn’t hear the sob, but she did.

Sabine quickly reacted upon hearing your sob “we will find a way to tell him.” She held her hand out it was an offer for comfort. You walked forward moving past her hand you went straight to her. You wanted a hug. She gave it to you. The girl held you close to her. “You won’t have to keep this secret forever” Sabine kissed the top of your head. She kept thinking of a way to meet with your dad. While she thought of a way you stayed in her arms.

You were doing your best not to cry. You did not want to cry and ruin the mood more than you already did. “Maybe you can-“ Sabine was interrupted by the sound of one single horse running back to you both. When you heard her cuss, you knew something was wrong. You quickly got out of her hold so you could see which horse was running back to you. It was your mare she let out a shrill neigh she bucked at the air. Where was Khaan?!