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krabstick32 · 4 years

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It’s The Little Things We Remember (collab)

We’ll Do It All Over Again - A Modern/Reincarnation AU with @trueblueoceaneyes

Welcome to the second part, or the “head” of the We’ll Do It All Over Again (Modern!AU) Collab! This Modern!AU collaboration is divided into two parts, @trueblueoceaneyes’ “It Took A While, But We’re Home Now” and mine “It’s The Little Things We Remember”. It’s about you and Giyuu meeting in a new life where the Corps and the Demons still exist, armed with the memories and experiences of a past life. Although both of them are set in modern times, and technically within the same timeframe, they are not direct sequels or immediate continuations, so it can be read alone. (Although, we would appreciate it if you read the other’s part UwU)

NAVIGATION:

PART 1: It Took A While, But We’re Home Now by @trueblueoceaneyes

Novelist Giyuu Tomioka passes off his past life as a fantasy series but shit goes down when the main heroine of his book shows up in front of him.

PART 2: It’s The Little Things We Remember by @krabstick32 (You are here!)

You’re tasked to go on a mission with the Water Pillar. He was a bit of a jerk, but despite meeting him for the first time, you already knew that - among a couple of other things.

header was made by trueblueoceaneyes and image used was by @/sinba_ on twitter

Pairing: Hashira!Giyuu x Hashira!Reader (mentioned Mitsuri x Obanai)

Synopsis: You’re tasked to go on a mission with the Water Pillar. He was a bit of a jerk, but despite meeting him for the first time, you already knew that - among a couple of other things.

Tags/warnings: There is some light angst, swearing, a semi-graphic depiction of a fight scene, and a bit of blood. If you’re not comfortable with that please do read something else uwu

Word count: 14.1k~

A/N: I honestly can’t believe I was able to work with the one and only @trueblueoceaneyes. Like literally, all of this was possible by their wonderful and amazing self, and would not exist without them (i still can’t believe how we literally wrote a grand estimate of 23k words) UwU working with her was so fun, and her writing is beautiful and i am willing to sing her praises day and night, so go check them out!! <33 BECAUSE BOTTOMLINE IS: SHE’S GREAT.

To be completely honest, both of us were freaking out with how long this is, and were crying over how we would cut it, until we said fuck it, let it be 14k words long. We thought that theirs was long, but we thought wrong lmao. Anyway, we hope you like our labor of love, and enjoy it as much as we did writing it. Please Enjoy~

NAVIGATION:

PART 1: It Took A While, But We’re Home Now by @trueblueoceaneyes

PART 2: It’s The Little Things We Remember by @krabstick32 (You are here!)

Thursday 9:37 PM

From: Headquarters

9:37 PM

Head to Ubuyashiki Tower—Oyakata-sama’s office at 10:00 PM. Meeting Assignment.

Taking note of the short message, you shut your phone and tucked it into a shirt pocket before heaving a sigh and standing up from where you were perched at the edge of a building.

Ensuring that both your Nichirin blade and Nichirin gun was tucked well onto your person, you turned around and leaned your body back, letting yourself fall as you grabbed a stray railing to hoist yourself back up.

Despite the late hour, the city was loud as you jumped from building to building. From the height you were on, it was relatively easy to hear the sound of cars and sirens, and the faint thumping of music from the bars that dotted the streets. You made sure to keep yourself hidden in the shadows and on top of the rooftops to avoid detection as you were rushing to get to the Ubuyashiki Tower in the few minutes you were notified to arrive. Thankfully, the building wasn’t far from your previous assignment, so you were able to arrive in record time, landing at the top with little difficulty as you walked towards the lone structure settled in the middle for those like you, and entered the elevator inside to go down a few floors.

Exiting the metal contraption, you were greeted by a welcoming lobby with an adjacent garden open to the crisp night air, filled with wisterias and designed with a respectably sized koi pond. Nodding to the young girl at the receptionist table, you continued walking to a brightly lit hallway cushioned with lush carpets, and wall-mounted lamps.

As you walked, you composed yourself for a moment and brushed off your skirt, using your fingers to lightly comb over your wind tousled hair. When you finally reached the large door at the end of the hallway, you took a deep breath before knocking three times and entering.

Upon your entrance, you quickly noted Oyakata-sama sitting on his desk chair and Giyuu Tomioka, a fellow Pillar, standing tall in front of the master. As per protocol and to show respect to the leader of all demon slayers, you quietly bowed and greeted the master as soon as you were in front of his desk.

“Good Evening Oyakata-sama. I apologize for being late, I got caught in a mission.”

“Raise your head.” You obeyed, and saw him smiling calmly at you, easing your nerves. “It’s alright my child, you aren’t late. In fact, you arrived at just the right time. Giyuu himself just got here.”

“Thank you Oyakata-sama.”

The master gave a small nod and gestured to the chairs the two of you were in front of. “Well, now that (F/N) is here, I have something to discuss with the both of you. Please, take a seat.”

You tossed a quick glance at the man beside you and mirrored his actions as the two of you took a seat. Upon your and his movement, Oyakata-sama clicked a button, and the room instantly dimmed as a projector dropped down behind him.

“As the both of you know, we’ve been getting reports about disappearances focused around Natagumo Prefecture.” The screen showed a sizable map with a specific area highlighted in red. “Specifically the town at the base of the mountain. It seems to be acting as the base of operations of the demon.”

He clicked at a small remote and the screen showed fifteen humans aged around ten to sixteen years old. “It’s been a month and over fifteen missing cases have been reported to the police.” The slide changed and showed seven people wearing demon slayer uniforms. “Seven of our own haven’t returned after that mission.”

Immediately your stomach twisted into painful knots upon hearing the deaths of so many innocent lives - you felt sick unto your very core. No matter how long you’ve been a demon slayer, it never gets any easier hearing a death count.

“Could it be an upper moon?” The Water Pillar asked after a moment of silence.

“I’m afraid it’s possible. I hate sending any of you into the battlefield, but I need the two of you to handle this as quickly as possible, to avoid more lives from being taken.” Oyakata-sama replied somberly. “Take the necessary supplies. You can leave at dawn.”

The two of you stood and bowed in respect to Oyakata-sama.

“We’ll update you on any major news.” Giyuu spoke, and you added “Yes, We’ll take our leave now.”

The two of you left and walked back out into the hallway, and through the reception area. The girl from before was nowhere to be seen, so once the elevator doors opened, the two of you rode in silence down to the swordsmiths' floor. A mission such as this would require the two of you to have your weapons checked and to grab any necessary items.

On the way down, you decided to engage in a conversation with Giyuu. Despite being a Pillar for a few months now, this would be the first time you were paired with the raven-haired man, or spoke to him for that matter. You wanted this mission to go as smoothly as possible.

Taking a deep breath, you started, “So, Tomioka-san, this would be the first time we're on a mission together, yeah?” You broke the silence and gave him a smile, only for the silence to stretch on uncomfortably after your words left your mouth. Thinking that maybe he didn’t hear you, you were going to repeat it until the doors opened and he spared you a quick glance.

“Uh, Tomioka-san?”

“Stay focused. This is an important mission.” He spoke, in a strong yet quiet voice, and exited with a brisk pace until he disappeared behind a corner, leaving you standing alone in the elevator to gape at his response.

You were dumbfounded. “He did not just…” you asked yourself, because how rude was it to ignore your coworker and leave them hanging? Those were the first words you spoke to him - apart from the compulsory introduction of you being the new Thunder Pillar - and yet you were promptly snubbed. Even Obanai replied to you when you spoke to him.

In your stunned silence, the doors started to close until you reached out a hand, and exited as well. Briefly, you heard a small shhk that signaled it closing, but didn’t care as you were absorbed in your thoughts, carefully picking apart the situation.

There was nothing wrong with what you said. You were only trying to engage in a conversation - trying to get along for the benefit of your mission, because nothing was worse than a tense atmosphere between a team. But then he goes and slaps your metaphorical face by insinuating that this was all a big game to you, that you’re not taking any of this seriously? You were a Pillar; as if talking to a handsome man would distract you from doing your job and exacting vengeance for those poor souls killed in cold blood.

Letting out a dignified huff, you continued walking, and resisted the urge to stomp your foot down at the Water Pillar’s unfriendliness.

In the back of your mind however, you were barely surprised. He was always like this—always putting up a front in the presence of others, always acting cold as ice, always pretending like he didn’t care even though he did care, he cared so much, all because he felt that he didn’t deserve to be happy after—

“Don’t come closer.”

You were losing breath as you tried to catch up with the raven haired male after a Pillar meeting. How was he even walking so quickly? Not to mention it didn’t look to be as taxing to him as it was for you. He was practically strolling when you were full on sprinting. He was a Pillar, sure, but so were you!

“Hey! Don’t ignore me,” you gasped as you stumbled over the uneven path, but you quickly regained composure. Giyuu doesn’t even pause for a second. “I just wanted to-”

“No thank you. Please leave me alone,” he gruffly replied. How come he didn’t seem the least bit tired? You heard he trained at a mountain, fine, but how the hell was he this fast in such a thick forest? You still couldn’t go around that quick without tripping over some root or getting hit in the face by a random branch!

Making up your mind, you go as fast as you can and tackle him. It doesn’t look like he ever expected you to do that, because he loses balance and you both go crashing into the forest floor.

Whatever you were on top of shifts and you’re forced to move. You groan as you get up, only for the breath to hitch in your throat as you find yourself staring into blue eyes.

Gods above, he looked absolutely divine.

“Why?” he grumbled as he softly pushed you off of him and sat up. “What were you trying to accomplish by doing that?”

“It’s not my fault you were walking so quickly! Who does that when you’re talking to someone?” you huffed, your cheeks feeling incredibly warm at how close you both were. He probably caught how you had gawked at him.

“Fine. What do you want?” he groaned, frowning at you. He doesn’t miss how red your face had gotten and how you couldn’t seem to look him in the eye. “Why do you keep following me?”

“We’re going to be friends.”

“...What…?” Giyuu stares as you smile brightly at him. You were practically sparkling. “You’re joking, right?”

“Of course not, you idiot. Do I look like I’m joking?” you huffed again, before getting up and dusting your kimono and uniform free of dried leaves. “We’re going to be friends even if it’s the last thing I do.”

Giyuu is completely dumbfounded, until you reach down and pull at his hands to get him up on his feet. He takes a mental note of how your hands looked so fragile and soft compared to his own, but you had pulled him to his feet with strength that did not match your smaller body frame.

“Why… are you doing this?” he whispered. He couldn’t understand.

“Well, I don’t like seeing people alone. Especially when they don’t look like they want to be,” you grin at him as you both find your way back to the village. Giyuu is quiet, both by your words and because you haven’t let go of his hand. “First off, let’s have lunch! My treat, of course.”

When you blink, you feel like you just took a sudden breath of air and the room comes back to view. What just happened? What the hell was your subconscious on about? Where did those thoughts even come from?

You barely knew the man. You didn’t know where he came from or what his circumstances were. You tell yourself to get your facts straight and effectively push back whatever that was, only leaving the memory of the conversation you just had - or the lack of a proper one, to be exact.That small thought quickly dampened the fire of your irritation, because admittedly, you believed that first impressions aren't everything - to always take them with a grain of salt. Despite how plain rude he was, you had no right nor the sufficient amount of experiences to be able to understand his character and pass judgement.

Slowly, you took a deep breath, and exhaled.

Maybe he just had a rough day, or maybe he was just shy and socially inept, a farfetched and random thought may it be. Perhaps that was just how he really was. Regardless of his personality though, you can’t deny the fact that he must be an exceptional demon slayer to be granted the rank of a Pillar, and because of that, you’d try your best to at least be respectful to him, even if he didn’t return the same courtesy.

Shaking your head, you resumed walking, and turned the same corner he did to reach the weapons room.

You wouldn’t say it out loud, but you were willing to admit to yourself that he was amazing.

The way he moved and handled the sword was absolutely unparalleled, you noted as you watched from the side. His actions were like water - the way he dodged was perfectly calculated, his slashes fluid, and precise. It was like no movement was wasted because everything was precise and deliberate. It almost seemed like he read the battle in the blink of an eye before executing an attack.

You couldn’t help but feel awed as you watched his fight. He truly was something else.

“Hey, am I really that pathetic to you? How annoying are you to turn your back on an opponent to ogle your comrade?”

From your periphery, you felt the air vibrate, and without batting an eye, you unsheathed your blade and cut off the approaching appendage with little effort. “I was enjoying the show y’know. It’s not everyday I get to see him fight,” you sighed as you turned, and slashed at air to get rid of the blood on your sword. “But you’ve ruined my fun. Might as well get this over with. So, what’s your name?”

“Are you stupid? You don’t even know me, the great upper moon six?”

“Frankly, no. Not really.” This wasn’t upper moon 6. It was strong yes, but no matter how many humans a demon ate, this was nowhere near the strength of an upper moon. Although with it’s impressive blood demon art of replicating multiple limbs, you wouldn’t be surprised if it was a lower moon.

It seemed to pause, before screeching out a loud “How annoying!” as a dozen arms lunged for you.

You quickly jumped out of harm’s way and up a decently sized branch. “That’s a pretty cool blood demon art you got there. Imagin—!” You leaped off the tree before a large snap cut you off as the demon broke the branch you were previously on. “Hey! I was talking!”

“Annoying! You’re so annoying! Shut up, shut up, shut up!”

“Ugh, is that all you really have to say?”

Crouching on the branch, you pushed your feet, and catapulted yourself into the sky. You shut out the world as you breathed deeply, focusing and positioning your body into one of your breath forms.

“Thunder breathing, First form: Thunderclap and flash.” And in a flurry of movement, you landed deftly on your feet before hearing a loud thump sound from behind you.

“Well.” Dusting off your skirt, you stood and faced the demon. “That should do it.”

“How annoying!”

Immediately, you turned around and was surprised to find the demon floating 15 feet off the ground.

“Not so pathetic now, am I? A Pillar like you can’t even kill me!” It taunted, before raising his hands and the ground beneath you crumbled.

It all felt so real. You felt the ground shake and how the earth seemed brittle - only instinct made you twist out of the way as the forest floor seemed to cave under you. A tiny mistake on your part caused you to land quarter of a meter short from what was supposed to be the edge, but once you felt a completely intact forest floor, you immediately knew that multiplying elastic body parts was not its Blood Demon Art.

You need to talk to Tomioka. This could get ugly fast without knowing which was real and which was an illusion. Your eyes immediately found him fighting, but widened in horror as you watched the demon he was fighting pushed at his shoulders and slammed his head against the ground. You felt your heart freeze as you screamed his name, not even noticing that you used his first.

“Giyuu!”

In your haste to reach Tomioka, Giyuu’s vision suddenly slowed as he watched one of the demon’s limb aim for you.

You were distracted from seeing him hit his head, and in a moment of weakness you didn’t notice the demon preparing for the kill.

It was too familiar; it felt like he’s seen this before, like he lived through this. His vision overlapped with a visage, of you wrapped in a painstakingly familiar haori, your skin pale and painted with red, his hands wet and drenched in your blood…

“Giyuu, stop, please,” you begged, your voice barely above a whisper. It hurt having to be moved around so much. You felt really tired, despite being carried.

Red. Red. So much red.

“No, no. Just shut up, please,” Giyuu could feel his lungs constricting. He was so panicked he had forgotten how to use his breathing technique. He felt like his whole chest was on fire, legs only moving due to adrenaline. “Please. We’re close to Shinobu, just-”

“Giyuu…? You’re still there, right?” your voice was so small, so unlike how he usually heard it laughing or calling for him. “Why…? Can’t I see you…?”

It was like something in him snapped.

No, I'm not letting you die again!

“WATCH OUT!” Giyuu screamed as he moved so fast that only your fellow pillars would be able to see how he grabbed his gun from its holster and aimed at the hand reaching for you.

Upon hearing his warning, you immediately flipped back, using the forest floor as a springboard to push yourself out of the way. When you landed, a solid arm got a hold of your waist and you felt yourself being pulled to a strong body, as the air brushed past the two of you.

Quickly, he pulled the two of you behind the cover of a massive tree, Giyuu only letting go of you when he took a quick glance at where the demon was cradling its hand and screaming its head off. You were breathing heavily, immediately aware of how close you were to death’s door.

“Are you okay? Did you get hit?” He turned to you as he asked, gently holding your shoulders and inspecting your uniform for any blood. Whatever he saw just now felt so real, he had to check for himself if you were alive.

You shook your head, dazed as you saw the worry cloud his eyes. “No.”

He breathed out a heavy sigh, feeling relief flood into his system before scolding you lightly. “You need to be more careful! You almost got yourself killed!”

“Sorry, sorry. But that’s besides the point. How are we going to kill it? It’s blood demon art shows some pretty damn convincing illusions.”

Tomioka thought for a moment. “We need to distract it, keep one of us at the front while the other takes the kill from the back.”

You nod in affirmation. His idea made sense. “I’ll be the distraction.”

“What? No, i’ll do i—“ Giyuu stopped talking once he noticed the sound of a clashing sword and found that you weren’t there in front of him anymore. “Sure,” he sighed before gripping his sword and jumping on the trees’ branches for cover.

He didn’t notice you fighting earlier, but as he jumped from branch to branch all around the opening, he saw that you were incredibly fast. Even with his enhanced senses, you appeared to be a blur as you weaved in and out of the demon’s clutches, laughing all the while taunting it.

“Ahh, this is fun! You should’ve put on a fight like this with me back then!” Squealing, you darted out a hand and slashed at its neck. Unfortunately for the both of you, the demon was nearly as fast as you were, and you only managed to land a scratch on its skin.

“Annoying! The way you’re jumping around is annoying!”

Giyuu wanted you to stop talking so badly, because you weren’t supposed to rile the demon up like this! Distract it sure, but not bait it to want to kill you more!

“Oh, are you getting mad already? You seem a little red there.”

“ANNOYING! STOP! MOVING!”

“Ah, would you prefer me to stand still? I wouldn’t mind! You should have said so earlier.”

And when Giyuu saw your eyes dart to his for one quick second, he immediately knew what you wanted him to do.

In an instant, he launched himself off the branch he was on as you pulled back your sword and jabbed it at the demon’s forehead.

“Water breathing First Form: Water surface slash!” Quickly, he extended his sword and slashed at its neck before it could move a muscle as he twisted his body to avoid hitting you. The leaves crunched under his shoes as he landed on his feet a couple of feet away.

“Annoying, annoying, annoying! Put me back on my body so I could prove to you that I’m not pathetic!” The demon wailed as it started to disintegrate on your sword. “He would’ve let me move from Lower Moon 1 and let me join the Upper Moons if the two of you didn’t meddle! You two will pay for this!” It threatened, as the last of its body turned into ash, and its clothes fluttered down to the ground.

The clearing was quiet save for the wind whistling past and the tree leaves rustling by.

“That was the real one right?” You whispered, slightly anxious that another one would pop up in the silence.

“It is.”

Heaving a sigh, you looked back at Giyuu and saw him walking towards you.

“Are you okay? You hit your head right?” You asked him, surprise coloring your face when he tore a portion of his suit. “What are you doing?”

Gently, he took your arm and inspected a decently sized laceration settled neatly in between your shoulder and elbow. It was deep, but it was a clean cut and it wasn’t too bad, considering that you’ve had much worse such as broken bones and dislocated joints.

“Worry about yourself first, will you?” He turned your arm carefully, making sure that his actions were slow and steady before wrapping the piece of cloth carefully and with practiced ease.

You frown. “You didn’t answer my question.”

“I feel fine. Now focus on yourself. This is pretty deep. It might need stitches.”

Though it was unlikely, you hoped that it was too dark for him to see your face clearly—it felt too warm for your liking. “I… didn’t notice.”

He tied the bandages off neatly, before answering, “You will soon. The adrenaline will probably wear off in a few minutes.”

“I’m not the best at first aid, but this will do for now. Try not to move so much until we get to Shinobu?”

It felt oddly nostalgic, seeing him worry like this a little, almost like a distant dream or a distant memory. “Thanks.”

Giyuu nodded before pulling out his phone from his coat pocket. “I’ll be updating HQ. Kakushi should arrive in a bit. Do you want to wait for them, or head back?”

You weighed the pros and cons before responding, “I wouldn’t mind waiting for them. The fight was fairly easy, but I feel drained. We could get checked too.”

“That’s a good idea,” he said as he typed another message while you sat down slowly beside a nearby tree trunk. Once he shut his phone, he followed your lead and leaned down on a tree a few feet from yours.

After a few minutes of a slightly tense silence, Tomioka decided to break it, and be the one to start the conversation.

“That… was the first time I saw you fight. You’re pretty fast (L/N)-san. It was amazing.”

“Oh?” You tried to mask the surprise in your voice. Hearing him initiate unnecessary conversation was something you weren’t used to, especially after your first conversation (if it could even be considered one) back at the Ubuyashiki tower. Was he offering an olive branch?

Regardless, you couldn’t deny the warm feeling in your chest as you looked up and automatically smiled up at him. “Well, you were doing really good yourself. I’ve never seen someone move that gracefully in a fight like that.”

At your compliment, he looked down at the ground as he tried to hide his nervous habit of fiddling with the hilt of his sword. “I’m not.”

“Oh don’t be modest now Tomioka-san! You looked amazing!”

“I was complimenting you; don’t turn it around on me.”

Laughing lightly, you let out a breathy “Okay, okay.” After deciding to not push your luck and that you’ve bothered him enough, you raised your hands in defeat before bringing them back down to your lap.

The silence that followed was definitely nicer compared to before, until he broke it again with a near inaudible whisper.

“Giyuu.”

“Hm?”

“Just… Giyuu. Giyuu is fine” he added, rubbing a hand on the nape of his neck.

Smiling widely, you turned to him, “If that’s the case, just (F/N) is fine too, Giyuu.”

“(F/N) it is then.” he spoke, feeling a sense of warm familiarity as he tested the way your name felt on his tongue.

Truthfully, he noticed when you called out his first name even in the heat of battle. It wasn’t much of a big deal back then, because the two of you were focused on staying alive and doing your job, but as he processed the fight in his head, he found that he didn’t mind, and that he actually liked how his name sounded in your voice.

As if on cue, the cracking of dried leaves and branches alerted you and Giyuu, instinct driving the two of you to grab onto the hilt of your nichirin blades. The tight grip on your swords only eased up when the familiar uniform of the kakushi moved into the clearing. There were around ten of them, seven surveying the area and taking down any evidence of the demon’s existence while there were three holding medical kits who walked over to the both of you.

They stopped once they reached a reasonable distance before bowing slightly. “Tomioka-sama, (L/N)-sama, please excuse us. We’ll be checking on your injuries.”

You muttered a grateful thanks as the kakushi attending to you started cleaning the wound Giyuu wrapped earlier. It was wrapped pretty well, so they only applied an ointment before replacing the cloth with gauze. “I apologize (F/N)-sama, I can’t suture your wound here because I’m not trained. We’ll immediately take you in the medical wing of the tower once you and Tomioka-sama head back.”

“Thanks,” you smiled as the kakushi bowed in front of you. “Hey, no need to bow, I really appreciate your help…?”

“...Tanaka Ayaka.”

“Really, thank you so much Tanaka-san.”

“O-Of course (L/N)-sama!” Tanaka said, bowing deeply in gratitude for your kind words.

As you and Tanaka argued on why she should or why shouldn’t bow, Giyuu watched discreetly, feeling the warmth pool in his stomach from the kindness you displayed. He was brought out of his thoughts when he felt the pain on his head multiply as the kakushi tending to him started wrapping gauze on his bleeding wound.

“Please bear with it for a bit longer Tomioka-sama, you have a concussion-”

Immediately, your gaze darted to the side. You weren’t eavesdropping on his conversation - truthfully, you only overheard - but when your eyes landed on a stream of blood coating patch of his hair and a portion of his pale skin you didn’t notice before, you absolutely flipped because how dare he tell you to worry about yourself first, when he was the one with a head injury!

“You idiot! You told me you were fine!”

The kakushi watched on in wide-eyed surprise (and slight fear as well) as the mighty Water Pillar looked everywhere else except at you, the fuming Thunder Pillar, who were scolding him (fairly lightly) for not telling you about his injuries.

Ayaka didn’t even argue with you afterwards.

Arriving at your estate after a mission used to be a nice moment for you, because you could rest and train at the comfort of your own home, but hearing the silent clunk of your keys resonate through the walls… you couldn’t help but feel a little cold and lonely.

It’s been a week since that mission with Giyuu back in Natagumo Mountain happened, and only a couple of hours since you left Ubuyashiki Tower. After your initial report to Oyakata-sama, he suggested that the two of you stay and take a few days off to heal your injuries at the medical floor. The two of you didn’t even resist as you were both led to adjacent rooms, showering immediately before dropping dead at the futon laid in your respective rooms. Now, you were as healthy as you could be, the laceration, bruises and scratches all healed thanks to the week of rest. Before you left, you made sure to inform the master of your recovery and thank Tanaka-san who took care of you and kept you company.

Taking off your blazer and loosening your blouse, you passed by your living room and walked into the kitchen to try and make something to appease the grumbling of your stomach. You did occasionally have your home cleaned on a schedule when you weren’t around, but moments like these were when you were a bit regretful of not hiring any at-home help.

The fridge was a welcome sight as you grabbed the handle to open the door; the contents however - or the lack thereof - weren’t as appealing because it was empty save for a wrinkled lemon, a few bottles of water, and a quarter-filled jug of milk.

“This is pathetic,” You grumbled as you recalled the moment you ate the last bit of leftovers without restocking your kitchen. Whyy.

“I hate myself,” you moaned to your empty kitchen.

Deciding to put yourself out of your misery, you walked up to your room to store your weapons and to change into a pair of jeans, and a hoodie. Once you were in something comfier, you grabbed your phone, your keys, your wallet, and a small nichirin dagger - for safety, at the off chance of getting ambushed by a demon or a human - and put on some white sneakers before locking your door and leaving your estate.

Taking a deep breath, you felt the cold night air nip at your lungs and the exposed skin of your face. The difference in temperature shook you a little, as you broke out into a jog. Pulling up your hood, you tug the strings tighter and into a cute little ribbon to prevent it from falling.

The walk to the convenience store would normally take fifteen minutes, but with you jumping on roofs and taking shortcuts you knew by heart, you were there in record time, and feeling hungrier than you did before.

The convenience store was a sight for sore eyes as the familiar ding sounded upon your entrance. Smiling at the clerk, you grabbed the largest basket and moved around the store, grabbing everything that looked appealing and piling them on as best as you can.

Once you were satisfied, you proudly walked back to the cashier and presented your precious loot to the boy in front of the register.

“Stocking up huh?” He smiled as he rang up your items.

“Yup. The lone lemon in my fridge was feeling a little lonely.” You joked as you grabbed your wallet.

The two of you chuckled as he bagged your food, pointing to the little screen of the cash register once it was done. “That would be 6,854 yen.” You gave a light nod and handed him a ten thousand yen bill. “Here, you can keep the change.”

His eyes bugged out of his sockets at the large tip “Yo, thanks, dude!”

Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed familiar black hair, and a quick glance behind you took you by surprise.

“Tomioka-san! Why are you here?” You asked in surprise.

He eyed your overflowing bag and your silly attire. “Same reason why you are.” He answered. At his surprisingly sarcastic response, you quickly pulled back your hoodie, and looked him over to note that he was in a similar attire to you, though he was wearing a sweater and a cap, instead. “Although i’m just getting dinner, not the entire store.”

The remark caused you to flush red in embarrassment. You didn’t want him—or anyone really!!—to see you pig out. “Oh, um. Well, I’m just… restocking.” He seemed skeptical, but there was a ghost of a smile settling on his face.

“Okay,” He said casually as he moved past you further into the store.

Nodding at the cashier and grabbing your bags with both hands, you walked after giyuu, instinct ruling over rational thought.

“Hey,” you called after him. He turned back to look at you, causing you to stutter in your words a little. Why did you call for him? What could you say to make him stay for a little bit without making yourself look like a total fool? “I—… um, i mean, uh would you like to share my loot? I think i just bought most of their stock, and I… still haven’t thanked you for saving my life back at Natagumo.”

He raised a brow at you. “Loot?”

“The food I got,” you mumbled as you dropped your gaze to the ground and felt your face burn at your choice of words, because who in the world calls their groceries ‘loot’, except you? Ah, how embarrassing!

While you were wallowing in your misery, you missed the way Giyuu turned his face away from you and the way his shoulders shook from containing his laughter. You just looked too cute, all flushed and flustered like that, but he did his best to hold it in because he didn’t think you’d appreciate him laughing in your face.

After a moment, he composed himself, and went back to his cool and normal facade before replying a short, “Okay.”

“Great!” You beamed at him, trying to squash the butterflies in your stomach. “Want to head outside for the tables?”

“Sure. Lead the way.”

Unconsciously, you grabbed his hand after moving your other bag. You didn’t notice his face warm at your casual touch, but the cashier did, and he gave a thumbs up to a flustered Giyuu as the two of you passed by.

“Ah shit. I forgot to get drinks!” You exclaimed as you rummaged through your bags.

Giyuu watched you with a small smile. “With the amount of food you bought, I’m surprised you didn’t raid their drinks too.” He was joking, but he really was surprised. It’s like you bought everything in the store - The two of you already ate two bento boxes each, five bread buns each, three rice balls each, and had a cup noodle… each.

There was even another bag of chips open at the table, and your bags were still full!

“Is that a joke I hear?” You smiled, leaning back in your chair as you popped a chip into your mouth. “Well I didn’t expect to meet you here. I was originally going to eat at home.”

He nodded before standing and stretching a little.“Don’t worry I got it.”

“Wai-“ you were going to hand him spare change, but he was already at the vending machine two houses down the street.

You sighed and used your hands to prop your head upright. How unfair.

As he inserted a few bills in the slot, you couldn’t help but admire his profile. You always noticed him back at work. He was extremely professional, nearly passive as he was assigned missions and at the rare times you catch him training at headquarters. But as the two of you were here together in a convenience store, all of it felt so… so normal. In this short moment, you could just pretend that demons weren’t real, that you still had a family waiting for you back home, that you were just a normal twenty-one year old woman hanging out with a friend from work who you wished was a little more than just a friend.

“Cheater.” You pouted as he walked back within hearing range.

He ignored you, passing you a bottle. “Here.”

“Thanks.” You said, taking the bottle and looking at the cover. “Oh! Yuzu Juice! I didn’t know I told you about my obsession with these.”

“You didn’t.” He answered taking a seat, as you rummaged through your pockets for a bit of change.

“Really? Huh.” You didn’t seem to notice how he scrunched his eyebrows and looked at the drink carefully.

Normally, buying a drink for someone wouldn’t be a big deal, but he didn’t just randomly guess. It was almost second nature for him to pick that drink. He could almost hear a voice in his head that sounded so much like you.

You couldn’t come with Giyuu to Natagumo Mountain because you were hurt pretty badly from the last mission you went to. He had come to visit you at the Butterly Estate.

“Why are you so excited about a fruit?” Giyuu asked incredulously, as your eyes shimmered at the basket of yuzu fruits he brought. “It’s just a fruit right?”

You gasped as you hugged the basket away from him. You looked so offended that Giyuu was taken aback for a second, halfway considering an apology.

“Just a fruit? JUST a fruit?” you gasped again, more dramatically than the last, but you don’t think Giyuu understands you’re pulling his leg because he looks even more worried. “Am I actually hearing this from my own lover?”

“Why? What’s so great about it?” he asked, but you don’t miss the hidden panic underneath his voice. “Am I missing something?”

“It’s a yuzu fruit, Giyuu,” you lean in and whisper, like the greatest of secrets were being shared between the two of you. “And do you know what that means?”

Giyuu shakes his head slowly, entranced. He leans in as you motion for him to come closer.

“It means,” you whisper, before pecking his cheek and grinning as he blushes. “We can make my favorite drink.”

You laugh as Giyuu groans, burying his face in his hands as he fell for another one of your stupid jokes.

“Don’t forget, Giyuu,” You toss him a yuzu fruit from the basket before leading him to the kitchen of the Butterfly Estate. Hopefully Aoi and the other girls wouldn’t mind if you borrowed it for a bit. “I can never turn down some good yuzu juice.”

Giyuu blinks, and suddenly he can’t remember what he was thinking about just a second before. He felt like he was forgetting something very, very important.

“I… just took a wild guess.” he muttered. There was no use pondering about it now, no matter how hard he tried to grasp at the straws of his memory.

“Well, you made a pretty good guess.” Placing a hand over the cap, you opened the bottle and took a hearty sip “Ah, I love this so much! Here’s my share.” You said, offering a hand with the money.

“Oh please, as if I can’t afford to get you juice. Think of it as thanks for sharing your food with me.”

“Okay then,” because If he wanted to treat you, who were you to argue?

“Meeting adjourned. Stay alert, the issues we’ve talked about will be sent later as a mission to some of you.” The room was once again bathed in light as Oyakata-sama pressed a button which shut down the projector and automatically drew the meeting room curtains back open. You and your fellow pillars stood as Amane-sama grabbed the handles of the master’s wheelchair. “I’ll be seeing all of you at the next meeting. Take care, my children.”

All of you bowed deeply as Amane-sama closed the door shut, before the nine of you stood from the chairs situated around the large table, moving to talk to the others.

“(F/N),” you immediately felt your heartbeat faster. You would’ve kicked yourself for reacting in such a way when he called for you, but damn it if it didn’t make you feel nice.

I think my heart is broken, what the hell.

“Ah, Giyuu, are we still on for training later?” you smiled politely at your co-worker, and Giyuu faltered for a second too fast for you to have noticed before he had already recomposed himself.

“Yes, but don’t expect me to pull my punches just because it’s training,” Giyuu felt the corners of his mouth turn up ever so slightly as he watched your face flush.

“I’ll have you know that I hardly break a sweat from fighting off demons alone, so I should be the one to tell you that,” your cheeks were puffed from indignation. The words pour out of you without thinking and you don’t even realize what you’re saying anymore. “Besides, when have you ever pulled your punches? You said you’d always spar with me using everything you had so I wouldn’t die out in-”

“What…?” Giyuu’s voice knocked you out of your rant. He had a funny look on his face, like you had said something odd. You immediately backtrack to your little spiel in search of something wrong - something embarrassing - you might’ve said. “When did I…?”

When has he ever pulled his punches? I mean, it’s true, I’m sure of that, but…?

You stop. How would you have known that? This was your first training session together. What were you going on about? By the thoughtful yet confused look on Giyuu’s face, you could tell the words had not gone unnoticed.

“N-nevermind that,” you tried to salvage your pride, despite your ever glowing face. “I, uh, I don’t know what I’m saying. Sorry, I just…”

“No, it’s fine,” Giyuu shook his head and waved away your apology. There was a pause before he seemed to make up his mind. “Actually I was—“

“Tomioka-san!” You and Giyuu jump as Shinobu suddenly pops up between the both of you. You’re confused whether to be thankful for her cutting in or not - on one hand, she had saved you from more embarrassment, but on the other, you wanted to know what Giyuu was going to say. “Sorry to cut your conversation short, but we need to borrow (F/N)-chan for a little bit. This won’t take long!”

Without even waiting for Giyuu to respond, Shinobu’s already dragging you away from the black haired male. You turn to look back at him apologetically.

“Sorry, I’ll meet you in the training hall,” you see him wave at you in goodbye before Shinobu makes you turn a corner and you both enter an empty meeting room. Well, it was mostly empty, save for a couple of people.

“So, Shinobu, Mitsuri… Uzui and Kyoujuro? What’s up...?” you ask hesitantly. You don’t like the knowing looks and the mischievous grins they have on their faces.

“You tell us.” You don’t like the glint in Shinobu’s eyes as she stares you down. “I don’t think we’ve ever seen Tomioka initiate a conversation on his own.”

“Or smile for that matter.” Mitsuri added, barely suppressing her grin. Shit, didn’t she live for this kind of thing? You were definitely fucked. You need to get out or you’re dead.

Uzui hummed before getting all up in your face, making you take an involuntary step back, but Kyoujuro blocks you from taking another step. You were surrounded on all sides. “Yeah, it was weird. Did you do anything flamboyant to him?”

“Excuse me?” Did they think you pulled some sort of magic trick over him? A sort of spell? “I did nothing!”

“Nothing, she said!” Mitsuri squealed, before turning back to you with eyes glittering. “Did you see the way he looked at you? He looked like he was on cloud nine!”

He… he did?

Brushing it off, you wave off their words, because the very thought of him being genuinely happy while talking to you made you ridiculously happy. And you didn’t want these idiots to see it. You were not going to give them the pleasure of seeing you turn into a bumbling, blushing mess.

“Oh, please, if anything It’s m-” You cut yourself off once you realized that finishing that sentence would lead to an entirely different ballpark you were not willing to enter. “You know what? Nevermind. Giyuu’s waiting for me so I have to go.”

“Oh, so it’s ‘Giyuu’ now huh?” You catch their words before you make up your mind to book it. You thought you were free because you only had to take one more step to get out of this cursed room, but a strong, yet slender hand darted out to grab your wrist, effectively preventing you from walking out of this room and out of this conversation.

“Nu-uh, not until you answer us,” Misturi grinned, locking you into a hug to make sure you didn’t try to run away again.

“Guys, I swear, we need to train.” you grumbled, feeling the sweat gathering over your forehead.

Uzui tsk-ed, and placed a hand over your shoulder. Great, just what you needed: another restraint. “Look, we’re just curious. Tomioka’s flamboyant, but he’s a pretty quiet guy so we’re worried for him.”

“Aw... well, tough shit, I’m going now.” You say, finally prying yourself free from Mitsuri’s soft albeit annoyingly strong grip.

“(F/N)-chan, you don’t have to deny it.” Placing a hand over your shoulder, Misuri smiled softly at you, and you didn’t like how you could practically see the hearts flying around her back.

“Deny what?” Maybe, if you acted like you had no idea what they were talking about, they would drop it, and you can leave, and you can train with Giyuu.

But such things in life would never happen, and you were doomed the very moment Shinobu snuck up on your conversation. You didn’t like the thought of him waiting for you while your coworkers hounded you.

The four of you turned when you heard a light sniffle come from Gyomei. “Ah, to be young and in love.”

“Wh-? No, it’s not like that at all!” you tried to defend yourself, but by the look on their faces you knew you were fighting a one-sided war. They were convinced there was something going on. To be honest, the more time you spent stuck in the room with them the more you were slowly coming to terms with your own feelings. And that was not good. “Besides, we only went on one job together, so why-”

“Oh, don’t tell me you’ve never heard of love at first sight~” Mitsuri giggled, and by the look on her face you had a guess she was already planning the wedding.

“Love at first sight, my ass,” you groaned, recalling your first assignment together. “He basically told me to shut up the first time I tried talking to him. What’s supposed to be cute about that?”

“The first time,” Shinobu emphasized, and you buried your face in your hands at her knowing smile. “But from what we just saw, not only did you talk again, but he even initiated the conversation himself.”

“Not to mention you’re going to be training together,” Kyoujuro nodded vehemently. “And as far as I can remember from my time as a Pillar, Tomioka has never trained with anyone because he preferred to train on his own.”

“And I guess now I’m never going to find out what training with him is like because you guys insist on keeping me here,” you were honestly proud of yourself that you haven’t punched someone yet - but you were oh so painfully close. If not one of them, then you might just punch yourself just to escape the shame. This felt oddly claustrophobic and it was making you slowly lose your mind. “Also, when have you guys turned into detectives?”

“(F/N)-san, we would’ve let you go already if you’d just admit what was going on between you and Tomioka,” you stared dumbfounded as they all nodded, waiting patiently for your answer.

If you guys think I’m going to crack first, you’re dead wrong.

“It’s nothing, okay?” you sighed, exhaustion over this whole ordeal finally setting in. Would you even be able to train with Giyuu like this? “He invited me to train with him after I almost messed up during our mission. That’s all there is. You guys have just been looking too much into it.”

The room goes quiet, the other Pillars taking turns to look at one another, unsure of where to go from there. You shake your head as you pass by them and make your exit.

“NO! I refuse to believe that!”

Oh my god, no, please.

You look incredulously at Mitsuri as she blocks the door in front of you. You feel your eyes twitch sporadically, your hand that was already holding on to the doorknob tightening and your knuckles going white.

“Mitsuri, come on,” you groan. You weren’t too keen on saying anything (too) bad at the pink haired girl since she was honestly really nice, just ever so slightly airheaded, and getting into bad terms with her husband Obanai didn’t sound too appealing. “What more do you want from me?”

“How about the flamboyant truth, (F/N)?” your head whipped back at lightning speed at Uzui, who merely laughed at the dead-eyed smile you gave him.

“What ‘truth’? I already told you guys, I-”

“(F/N)-san, one last thing,” your head turns to Kyoujuro, who shares a look with Shinobu. You watch as something passes between them, before the Insect Pillar nods back at him with a sweet smile. Kyoujuro grins as he turns back to you. “Just do this one thing for us and I promise we’ll let you out.”

Shit. I don’t like that.

But you stand your ground. “And that would be…?”

“Can you look into my eyes and tell me that there’s nothing going on between you?” he raised an eyebrow, challenging you with his wide eyes that seemed to stare deep into your soul.

You lower your head, mentally preparing yourself. You pray to whatever higher being that could hear you to give you the strength to get through this unscathed.

Please, for the love of my sanity-

You look back to Kyoujuro, head held high. He holds your stare - his eyes were intimidating as hell - but to your relief, he backs off first after a good few seconds. He sighs, as does Shinobu.

“Fine, fine. You win, (F/N)-san,” Shinobu grumbles.

“For now,” Uzui throws you a mischievous grin as you pass by. You scowl at him.

“Whaaaaat? We’re letting her go?” Mitsuri wailed as Kyoujuro practically pried her off of the door.

“A deal’s a deal, Mitsuri-san,” Kyoujuro said.

You’ve barely taken a step out the door when a hand is placed over your shoulder. You don’t bother to turn around, scared you really might punch someone this time.

“(F/N), one last thing,” Sighing, you turn back heavily, because it feels like they’ll never let you leave, but when you see Gyomei smiling kindly at you, you can’t help but return it too. “Remember, there is no shame in admitting your feelings. Face them head on and find strength within it. You can only run from your problems for so long until you loop back to where you started, because you can never stop things that were set in stone by fate.”

Despite how drained you were feeling, you manage a genuine smile. “Understood, guys.”

Letting out a sigh, you were finally able to breathe after your nosy coworkers got all up in your business. You were glad that you were alone in the elevator, because at least now you could take a moment to compose yourself and get rid of the blazing blush before you faced Giyuu.

“Can you look into my eyes and tell me that there’s nothing going on between you?”

Kyojuro’s words echo in your head. You were unbelievably lucky for being able to keep your poker face before he cracked, because if that stare-down lasted a second longer, you would’ve burst, and confessed your feelings to them instead of Giyuu.

Snapping out of your thoughts, the doors opened to a bright wide room that smelled of wood and steel. The training hall was one of the many floors in the building and the Corps spared no expense in getting it look as it did with high ceilings, and large areas divided into varying sizes. Some areas were even designed after different types of terrain.

You spot Giyuu with his back to you, warming up in the center on the biggest mat of the entire hall. He was doing practice swings with a wooden sword.

“Hey, sorry I'm late,” You say, causing him to pause mid-swing as he turns to see you grabbing a wooden sword on the far wall and depositing your own blade beside his. He watched, slightly mesmerized as you gathered your hair into a high ponytail on top of your head. “Want to get started?”

He shook off his daze before he raised a brow at you, setting his sword tip down against the ground and leaning a bit of his weight over it. “You’re not going to warm up?”

Smirking, you say “Oh please, this is my warm-up.” You don’t give him a chance to reply as you move straight for him, sword held high.

In one effortless swoop, Giyuu had his sword in front of him blocking your swing with ease. “That’s cheating, in case you weren’t aware.”

“I know.” You smiled, before retracting and swinging again. “But I prefer to call it strategy.”

“Haaaa,” You breathed out before dropping on the floor. “I’m glad we’re on the same team. Fighting you is crazy exhausting.”

Walking towards you, he offered you a water bottle and once you took it, he sat down beside you. He was so close, you could feel the warmth radiate off him. “Likewise. You’re ridiculously fast.”

“And you’re ridiculously strong.” You smiled, taking a sip from the bottle he gave you.

The two of you were quiet, keeping each other company as the other regained their breath. In the silence, you couldn’t help but let your mind wander back to the conversation back in the meeting room.

“I don’t think we’ve ever seen Tomioka initiate a conversation on his own.”

“Did you see the way he looked at you? He looked like he was on cloud nine!”

“Oh, don’t tell me you’ve never heard of love at first sight~”

“But from what we just saw, not only did you talk again, but he even initiated the conversation himself.”

“As far as I can remember from my time as a Pillar, Tomioka has never trained with anyone because he preferred to train on his own.”

“Remember, there is no shame in admitting your feelings. Face them head on and find strength within it. You can only run from your problems for so long until you loop back to where you started, because you can never stop things that were set in stone by fate.”

All of their words passed by your head like a snapshot. It was slightly disorienting hearing the others comment on your relationship with the Water Pillar. You liked him, but you already planted it in your head that you had no chance. Because who were you kidding? One look at him, and you knew that you were out of his league. He was good-looking (though that was more of a bonus than anything), dedicated, strong, and had a dry sense of humor that could rival your own. A guy like that was bound to have someone waiting for him at home. He was too much of a catch for you to believe otherwise.

“(F/N)?”

“Yeah?” you hum distractedly, still completely submerged into your own head.

“Do you-” He started, and abruptly, your bubble of fantasies popped.

He was looking at you weirdly, an expression you’ve never seen him make, and somehow your mind managed to mix that up with him being able to read your thoughts. You just panicked, your mouth spouting off nonsense before you could process anything, trying in vain to protect yourself from rejection. “No! I don’t like you!”

“Oh.” He looked back at his folded hands before adding a short “I’m sorry.”, before you realized what you just said. Regret immediately washed over you.

“No, I mean, I don’t not like you, I-I’m not making any sense-”

He interrupted you gently before standing up and dusting off his clothes. “No, it’s okay, you don’t have to explain yourself. I understand. Sorry if you felt forced to train with me.”

Oh my god, you’ve never wanted to slap yourself harder in your life than you did in this moment.

You fucked up. You fucked up so bad.

You reach for him, trying to explain, “Wait, don’t misunderstand please, I was jus-”

“Really, it’s fine. I know I'm not the easiest person to like. Especially with how I treated you back on our first mission.”

“Giyu-”

“I’ll be leaving now (L/N)-san. I’m sorry again.”

And that was the last straw. Hearing him call out your name in such a cold voice hit you so deeply that you tell the consequences to fuck off as you stand up, and pull him back to you.

“(L/N)-san, I swear, it’s fine-” Neither of you get to hear how he ends his sentence, because you grab his shirt, and pull him closer, until your lips were pressed against his.

You felt your resolve crumble as your lips moved against his own, and as his hands reached over, cradling your face closer to his. It was so soft, so warm, and your heart ached as you felt your eyes start to sting. After a moment, the two of you pull away, bringing your foreheads close, before you spiral into a wild spiel.

“You idiot! If you would just listen!” You whisper lightly, afraid of what his reaction would be. “I like you. I really, really like you. I didn’t mean what I said. I only said that because you caught me off guard and I didn’t think you’d like me back! I’m scared of being rejected by you because you're smart, you're funny, you're nice… ”

“I didn't want to tell you but I got caught up in my thoughts, and I just… I know what I said, and I’m sorry, I'm really sorry. It might sound like an excuse to you, but you really did catch me off guard. If I could take it back I would.”

“I’m really sorry, Gi...Tomioka-san. I hope you could forgive me.” You say, before you untangle your arms wrapped around his neck, and walk yourself to the elevator, not even waiting for the inevitable rejection you’d get from him.

Pushing the doors open, you didn’t notice how the other pillars - namely Mitsuri, Shinobu, Kyojuro, and Uzui - were still situated around the room, because your only goal now was to get the bag you left earlier, leave straight for your home, and sleep.

When they saw your puffy eyes however, all of them looked amongst each other, before pushing Mitsuri closer towards you.

“(F/N)-chan, are you okay?” At Mitsuri’s soft voice, you jumped out of your skin, cradling your bag to your chest as a shield.

“W… What are you guys still doing here?” You ask, before furiously wiping at your eyes.

“You’re avoiding our question. Why are you crying?” Normally, you would’ve brushed them off, and replied in a snarky comment, but you were tired, and you just wanted your bed.

“I... Tomioka and I got into a little fight, is all.” You replied, not even looking up from fixing up your bag.

Mitsuri immediately looked back at the others upon hearing you say ‘Tomioka’, before rubbing your back consolingly. “Do you want to tell us what happened?”

You sniffed. “No, not really. I’m just tired and I want to go home.”

A quick look passed between Mtsuri and Kyojuro before the Flame Hashira walked over to you.

“And home you shall go! C’mon, (F/N), I’ll drive you back.” Kyojuro said, grabbing a hold of your bag while Misturi took your hand, leading the two of you after Kyojuro. “Yeah! I’ll make you some pancakes, and lots of other food!”

Once the three of you left, Shinobu looked up at Uzui, and nodded.

Shinobu and Uzui found Giyuu splayed back at the center training mat.

For a good second the pair thought that the Water Pillar had fainted, or something of the same degree. But upon getting closer, they noticed him looking up, dazed, with a hand over his lips. Making their way over, they sat at either side of him, waiting for him to acknowledge their presence.

“What are you two even doing here.” Giyuu blinked as he realized he wasn’t alone in the room anymore. They were looking down at him with a mix of surprise and amusement. “Did you just come to stare at me?”

“We should be the one asking you that,” two seconds into talking to Giyuu and he was already testing Shinobu’s patience. “(F/N) went back to the meeting room.”

“Yeah. She was crying flamboyantly, by the way.” Uzui nodded briskly, arms crossed and eyes closed in thought.

Giyuu couldn’t deny how his chest had tightened at the memory of you walking out earlier, “I know.”

When he didn’t speak for another few seconds, clearly having no plans to elaborate until prodded, Shinobu sighed. “Care to tell us what happened?”

Do I have to…? Giyuu scowled softly. But he might as well, since he was lost ever since you left, with no clue what to do next.

“... She told me she didn’t like me, so I apologized and moved to leave,” Giyuu’s voice was no louder than a whisper, as if he was scared someone would overhear. But the other Pillars heard him nonetheless. “But then she kissed me and told me she liked me before leaving me here.”

Shinobu would be lying if she didn’t admit she felt victorious. So you were lying. HA! But that’s a conversation for another time. Right now, you left the other half of the party lying down on the training room floor and it seemed they needed to drag him back to his feet if they wanted a straight answer from you.

“And? How do you feel about that?” Shinobu poked the side of Giyuu’s cheek, but it’s like the male was still lost somewhere they couldn’t reach as he failed to give the slightest reaction besides words.

“Confused.” Giyuu muttered mostly to himself. “Really confused.”

“I feel like there’s a flamboyant ‘But’ in there...?” Uzui honestly felt like he was getting his child to admit what he did wrong - except he had no child, he was talking to the Water Pillar, a grown man who should’ve been easy getting answers from.

Giyuu’s eyes softened at the idea of you, and the kiss from earlier, and the look didn’t exactly escape the surrounding Pillars. “I like her too. A lot.”

Shinobu suddenly stood up, surprising both males. “Well, then, you’ve got your answer. So what are you lying around here for?”

“She left, I doubt she wants to speak with me now,” Giyuu muttered, disheartened - which was the exact opposite of what Shinobu wanted to achieve.

She remembered something odd she noticed when you had left earlier, so she looked around the room and felt like she struck gold.

“Oh, she did leave, it’s definitely too late for that,” Shinobu says, brushing aside Giyuu’s sarcastic “gee, thanks”. “But I have a hunch that she’ll be returning soon.You’ll just have to wait.”

Shinobu pointed to the far end of the training room, forcing Giyuu to muster the energy to sit up to see where she was pointing to. There on the wall was your Nichirin blades among the rack of extra training swords.

“I can’t believe how stupid I am today.” You grumbled before exiting the elevator.

You were on your way home with Mitsuri and Kyojuro, when you noticed that the sword strapped to your waist wasn’t your nichirin blade, but the wooden one from the training hall. Kyojuro was nice enough to turn the car around back to the building, and pressed the hazard button on the car as he pulled up in front of Ubuyashiki tower.

“Take your time (F/N)-san, Mitsuri-san and I will wait here.” Lightly, you smile at him before grabbing the wooden sword and going into the building.

And this is where you find yourself. You were back in the training hall, warm orange light filtering through the large windows as the sun began to set. You were glad you noticed your missing sword when you did because not being prepared for a mission could cost someone’s life. Running your fingers through the wall, you open the lights and feel a slight disappointment at how empty the hall was of people - or rather one raven-haired male.

You messed up once already, (F/N). Why add to that by wishing he was here?

Letting out a sigh, you move to the wall, to where your sword was supposed to be, and jump out of your skin when you notice the Water Pillar leaning over and facing away from you towards the window.

Of course. Of-fucking-course. Because why not?

Quietly, and in hopes to avoid him seeing you, you creeped carefully along the wall, clutching your nichirin blade to your chest, as you exchanged it with the wooden sword. You turn around, thankful that he didn’t seem to notice your presence before walking to the ele-

“Why did you leave earlier?” He asks, not moving an inch from his position.

Of course he noticed you.

“I didn’t think any of us had anything else to say.” you fiddle with the blade in your hands, refusing to turn and face him. Your hands haven’t shook this much in years, the last time being when you had first fought a demon.

“Well, I had something to say,” You cringe as he turned to you, his face as beautifully stoic as you had always known.

Okay, wow. You knew he had a bit of a mean streak going on, one that died down when it came to talking to you but you didn’t really think he was mean enough to roast you for having a stupid crush. Sure, you did accidentally say you didn’t like him, but that was a lie - obviously, since you kissed him like the suicidal dumbass that you were.

“Well, I’m here now, so we might as well rip the bandaid,” you say that, but as his eyes bore into your own, you realize that you’re not ready for what he has to say and you cut in as he opens his mouth. “Before you say anything though, I just wanted to say that I completely understand if you want to stay away from me and-”

As you rambled on, you didn’t notice him walk closer. Giyuu had a determined look on his face as he grabbed onto your hands that were nervously playing with your sword, and held them in his own, softly running a thumb over your knuckles. You immediately drag your gaze from the floor and into his eyes, seeing warmth and gentleness in his blue irises.

Giyuu’s eyes never leave yours, even as he asks, “I do have something to say… If you would listen?”

You swallowed, your mouth feeling dry, as you give him a slight nod.

He breathes deeply before he speaks. “I’ll admit. I don’t really care what others think of me, as long as I’m doing my job and they’re doing theirs. I’m used to people saying I’m cold, and unlikable, but for the past few weeks, I found your company comforting, and I thought that we’ve been genuinely getting along with each other. So when you said you didn’t like me when I was going to ask if you wanted to have another match, I was really confused and hurt.”

“I’m sorry-” You interrupt, before he shakes his head and asks you to let him finish.

“So, I was really surprised when you pulled me back and kissed me. Then you go off telling me that you like me, not even 5 minutes after you told me you didn’t, and then you leave, not even letting me process anything, or telling you what I had to say.”

Giyuu stops for a moment, opening his eyes and looking deep into yours. He seemed to debate something for a moment before he decided, and took a short breath.

“If you would have waited, I would have told you that I like you too.” Your knees felt absolutely weak as he placed his forehead over yours. You could feel the rough calluses on his hands as he squeezed yours softly.

“You would have?” You ask. He nods. “Do you really?”

Your heart melts when you see his face change into a soft smile, a smile he only put on for you. “I do. I really like you (F/N).”

It felt so surreal hearing him say that he liked you too. You felt like you could fly.

“I like you too.” A small watery laugh bubbles up from your throat, and a warm giddy feeling swirls around your stomach, easily replacing the heavy feeling of regret.

You could feel the tears fall from your eyes and the blood rush to your face. You pull your hands off from his as you use it to cover the raging blush on your cheeks. “Ugh, stop making me cry. This has to be the most I've ever cried in my life.”

“And it’s the most I’ve ever been confused in mine too… but I hope it’s happy tears now?” He takes both of your hands into his left, using his other to wipe at the tears and cradle your face, like you were a priceless jewel.

“Yeah,” You hum, moving closer and letting his left hand release your hands as his arm wraps around your waist. He pulls you closer and you revel in his warmth. “Can you say it again?”

“I like you.” His smile grows fonder as you lean into his touch, and wrap your arms around his shoulders. Giyuu has never felt so content in his life.

“Again?”

“I really, really like you.” He says softly, and your mouth stretches into a smile that mirrors his.

“Prove it?” You ask, faintly hinting at what you wanted him to do as your faces move closer and closer until you were an inch apart and could feel his breath fan over your face.

“Okay,” He whispers, before he finally leaned in and kissed you again.

BONUS:

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Obanai groaned as he rolled over in the large training room floormat. You might have used wooden sticks, but it still hurt like hell.

“I didn’t know the training room floor was so cozy,” Muichiro mused, staring up at the ceiling as he was splayed on the ground. “I don’t think I’ve ever been knocked down before. (F/N)-san, help me sit up. My spine feels tingly ever since you hit me.”

You laughed sheepishly, crouching beside the Mist Pillar before helping him sit up. Giyuu, on the other hand, was standing over Obanai, looking down at the Serpent Pillar with a bored gaze.

“You told me not to hold back,” Giyuu deadpanned, bi-colored irises glaring at him from below.

Word had travelled fast that you and Giyuu were going out. And of course, since you had always been dragged into the Pillars’ shenanigans, you had decided it was time that Giyuu be a part of the group. So to warm up a bit to the idea of having him around, you had offered the idea to have a training session with everyone, doing pair up battles to save time and promote teamwork. They agreed, since they have never seen Giyuu train with you, much less have trained with him themselves.

But the idea backfired hard.

“Tomioka and (L/N) win,” Gyomei announces, a small smile on his face. He looked amused more than anything. “That’s 3 wins.”

You decided the pairs by letting four people write their names on scraps of paper and letting the other four pick from the pile. Gyomei had decided to sit this one out and be the moderator, so the numbers balanced out. And since Giyuu was the so-called “guest of honor”, the others had allowed him to pick first.

“You guys rigged it. I know you fucking did,” Sanemi grumbled.

Giyuu had miraculously pulled out your name from the pile. Sure, there were only four names, but it was still a one-out-of-four odds.

“You can check if you want, Sanemi,” you sighed in exasperation. “I didn’t do shit to that paper.”

“Bullshit,” he roughly grabs the scrap from Giyuu and inspects it, the other Pillars laughing as he nitpicks your paper.

You stand next to Giyuu, who was leaning on a wall away from the Pillars, and ask in a soft voice so no one else could hear. “Alright. How’d you do it?”

You see him smile for a fraction of a second from the corner of your eye. “You press down on your pen too much when you write, so I just felt around for the paper that had the most indentations.”

“How the fuck…?” Sanemi exclaimed, and you laughed again.

“You’re so amazing!” Mitsuri squealed, bounding up to the training room floor and glomping you. “You guys worked together flawlessly! ”

“That’s putting it too lightly,” Uzui laughed. “They flamboyantly wiped us out.”

“Yes! Truly amazing!” Kyoujuro nodded. “I’m aware of both of your prowess, but this was truly overwhelming.”

“You fuckers cheated!” Sanemi growled, walking over to the training room floor and pointing his wooden sword at the two of you. “How did you-”

“Your attacks are mostly mid level swings, aimed at the stomach,” Giyuu answers passively as he sits down beside you and Muichiro on the floor.

“Wh…?” For the first time, Sanemi is caught off guard, and so are the other Pillars, but you nod at Giyuu’s words. You don’t notice how they stared at the both of you weirdly.

“Yeah, you do,” you laugh softly, before making a slow sweeping motion with your wooden sword, Giyuu parrying it once it’s within his distance. “You swing, and then when your opponent curls up, either from pain or to try and dodge, you go for a thrust.”

When you stop talking, you and Giyuu turn to the other Pillars, who were mostly looking at you with gaped mouths. Shinobu and Kyoujuro had frozen smiles on their faces and Obanai and Sanemi were looking at you like you had force fed them rotten food.

Was it something you said…?

“Hey, (F/N)-chan,” Shinobu suddenly cut in through the silence, smiling as pleasant as ever. “How did you beat me? Tomioka-san uses hard force to deflect but-”

“You usually do thrusts. I guess because of your sword style, right?” you answer, almost impulsively. “It ends up leaving too many openings, especially if someone hits you from the side.”

“You only do slashes when you’re close enough,” Giyuu adds. “But you thrust when you’re too far away because it helps with your speed and momentum.”

You blink again, the room coming into view again, and find the others staring at you, more confused than anything.

“Tomioka-san? (F/N)-chan?” Shinobu asked, the smile gone. Shit, did you say something you shouldn’t have? “What are you talking about…? I only use a revolver because it carries my poisons better. My sword is usually reserved as a last resort, but I haven’t used it in a long time. I was a bit off today since I’m not used to it anymore, but...”

“Not to mention,” Sanemi grumbles to the side, looking at the both of you suspiciously. “I haven’t gone on any fucking mission with you guys. How the hell do you know how I fight? You stalkers, or something?”

You turn to Giyuu, and he turns to you with a confused look that probably mirrored your own. The other Pillars stared, waiting for your answer. But you blanched.

How the fuck do I answer that?

Finally, Giyuu breaks the stare and turns to the other Pillars, “Mission and Training videos.”

You blinked. And so did the others. Every single one of you had the same confused looks on your faces.

Mission and training… videos?

“Don’t tell me you’ve never heard of them?” Giyuu raised an eyebrow at the Pillars, who looked at one another, expecting someone to know. He sighs as he points up at a surveillance camera at the corner of the training room. “They’re a collection of videos in the Corps archives, mostly of the Pillars during joint training sessions or battles with the Twelve Demon Moons. They’re captured using the crow-drones or the cameras scattered inside and around the building. Demon Slayers can ask to view them for educational purposes, like learning a new breathing technique.”

You gape at Giyuu and Pillars in turn, a frown slowly etching over your face. Something told you that wasn’t the whole truth. Maybe the videos were real, but on how you knew about the other’s battle styles, well…

“There’s such a thing…?” Shinobu mutters thoughtfully, looking at you and Giyuu.

Uh-oh, looks like she doesn’t buy it.

“EEK!” Mitsuri suddenly exclaims, and Shinobu and the others jump from the shrill sound. “What if my videos are super embarrassing? I have to check!”

And she’s out the door, followed closely by Obanai who was trying to reassure her that it was okay. You’re rather surprised Obanai got up so quickly when he was just on the floor earlier.

“Shit like that exists? And I’m only finding out about this now?” Sanemi grumbled, his aura carefully getting angrier and angrier. “What if the fucking demons get a hold of those videos?”

Sanemi was out the door in the next second, yelling about giving away the corps’ battle strategies. Kyoujuro and Uzui followed, interested about seeing the videos. Gyomei took Muichiro to the clinic with Shinobu. The Insect Pillar cast you a questioning look before trailing behind the Stone and Mist Pillars.

And then it was just you and Giyuu again.

“Giyuu?” you called out softly in the silence. When you hear him hum, signalling that he was listening, you push on. “I’ve never seen those videos before. I didn’t even know they existed.”

You turn to him when he lets out a soft laugh, “I haven’t either. I read about them in a report a long time ago, but I never felt the need to see them.”

Wordlessly, Giyuu lies back down on the training mat, arms crossed behind his head. He stares up at the ceiling, looking deep in thought. There’s a question at the tip of your tongue, something you’ve always wanted to ask, but could never muster the strength to actually say outloud.

“It’s odd. Shinazugawa was right. I’ve never been assigned to go on a mission with him,” Giyuu started, still staring up at the ceiling, seemingly muttering to himself. “But I knew how he was going to move. It was almost like-”

“Like you’ve fought with him before?” you finished, and you turned to Giyuu to find his eyes already staring deep into your’s.

“That’s the thing, though,” Giyuu scowled, your image blurring at the edges. Was that a kimono you were wearing? “I’ve never trained with any of them before today. But it felt like I knew what to do. Like I’ve seen it before. Not in a video, though.”

“More like muscle memory,” you mumble, lost in Giyuu’s eyes. Has his hair always been that long? “Like my body already knew how to move on its own.”

The silence stretched on, but it was almost like time had stopped for the both of you.

“I’m not ready,” you sighed shakily, your hands wringing around as you paced in the room before the Ubayishiki garden. You could hear the yells and grunts of your fellow Pillars, mixed in with the clash of swords. “Sanemi always looks at me like I’m a demon and I think this is his chance of actually cutting my head off.”

“Relax, (F/N),” Giyuu sighed, taking your hands into his and rubbing them, trying to get the blood circulating again. “On the bright side, at the very least, he still sees you. I think he sees me as an annoying fly.”

You manage a shaky laugh, and Giyuu takes it as a small victory before making you look him in the eye.

“You’ll be fine, but if you need help,” he smiles softly and you don’t miss the mischief in his eyes. “These are just some things I’ve noticed when he tries to attack me…”

You blink, and you're back in the training room. Where were you just now? There wasn’t a room like that in the whole building. It was old, like the traditional Japanese houses you’d see on T.V. and books. But Giyuu was there, and so were you and the other Pillars, apparently. Your eyes find Giyuu’s face again, and he looks just as confused. Did he see that, too…?

“You know, (F/N), there have been moments where I feel like I’ve seen them happen before, especially when I’m with you,” Giyuu starts hesitantly. You wouldn’t think it weird, would you? “I know for a fact they haven’t, Shinazugawa and Kocho was proof of that, but they just feel so real. And I couldn’t explain them.”

You think of his words for a second - they were exactly what you felt - and nod for him to continue. “But now I wonder - I always push them away because I don’t remember them happening, but now that I think about it, just because they haven’t happened from what I remember, doesn’t mean they never happened, at all.”

“Don’t remember...but doesn’t mean they never happened…?” you whisper, the question you’ve wanted to ask threatening to break out. But looking at Giyuu’s eyes, the wall you’ve been building around to keep your thoughts in place are broken down. “...Like in another life...?”

The question hangs in the air for another second before Giyuu’s face breaks into a small smile and he lets out a small laugh. He turns away from you, and you’re left confused all over again.

“You should see the look on your face right now,” he says, and you turn red at the realization he’s laughing at you. “It’s priceless. Sorry, but you’re really cute.”

“You…!” you tackle him, straddling him and lifting him by the collar of his shirt. “Were you just making fun of me?”

Giyuu stares at you fondly, basically confirming your question. Your blush gets darker as you stand up wordlessly and pack up your belongings. You couldn’t believe he was just pulling your leg! And you fucking fell for it!

Your cheeks are puffed up in anger as you walk out of the training room. You hear Giyuu’s footsteps and his voice calling out for you, but you don’t make the effort to let him know you noticed him.

When you step out of the building, Giyuu finally catches up to you, holding on to your hand.

“Okay, I’m sorry,” he said. You frown at him hard and he responds by raising his free hand in surrender. “I really am. Sorry for laughing.”

You pout, before returning his grip. You suppress laughing at the relieved look on his face. “You’re paying for dinner, I’ll have you know.”

The two of you walk in tranquil silence on your way to your favorite restaurant. You don’t notice Giyuu’s loving stare as you walk hand in hand. For a second, you’re both walking back from a mission. Your kimono and uniform were battered pretty bad, and you had a bruise at the corner of your mouth, but you look up at him and smile.

You turn to Giyuu in surprise when he suddenly squeezes your hand. “Giyuu…?”

“If it really was another life,” he whispers, and you had half a mind to tell him off for trying to pull your leg again. But at the misty look in his eyes - the same one you stared at earlier in the training room - you shut your mouth. “I’m glad I found you again.”

You smile softly, squeezing his hand back. “Yeah, me, too.”

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addierose444 · 3 years

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Spring 2021: One Month Update

We are now just over a month into the spring semester. This is a bit strange as mid-march normally coincides with spring break. Well, normal just isn’t the norm right now and hasn’t been for a while. Like seriously, it has been a whole year since Smith sent us home last spring. Here is a blog post from a year ago about my final week on campus. That was a stressful time, but I was also so naïve about what was to come. In some ways, it’s hard to believe that a whole year has passed; at the same time, it has felt like an eternity. This post is primarily about my current courses and other life updates, but it also felt incomplete without acknowledging the passage of time. Last semester, I wrote a few update posts. I started them because I literally didn’t know what else to write about. However, I found them to be an effective post style that is worthwhile to continue using.

There does finally seem to be a bit of light at the end of the tunnel. Namely, I have received my first dose of the Moderna COVID vaccine! I was eligible thanks to my job in ResLife. I will be getting the second dose in two-weeks time. I feel very fortunate to be getting vaccinated so early. I’ll also be honest in saying that it was really stressful taking the bus to UMass and navigating through the vaccination center. Another exciting update is that I have secured a summer internship at Microsoft! You can read about my application process here.

I am currently living on-campus in Parsons House. We are fortunately still operating in Green Mode which is our least restrictive operating mode. This still includes masks, social distancing, and testing three times a week. We are also still ordering most meals on the Grubhub app. However, there is now some limited seating in the dining halls and we have transitioned to using some reusable food containers. Furthermore, Chuckett (our name for Chase and Duckett) is open for true grab and go. The best part about going to Chuckett is that they have yogurt, ice cream, and snacks. Classes and house events continue to be primarily over Zoom so that we can practice social distancing and include those not living on campus.

As for my classes, it’s been a very busy semester. I am in class less than in past semesters but have had more work outside of class. With that said, this is in part because one of my classes is asynchronous with synchronous labs. To check out all of my past courses, click here.

PHY 210 has been more interesting than I expected. It’s not an easy class, but it hasn’t been the nightmare I was worried it would be. The class has so-called pre-class check-ins (PCCIs) which are short exercises due at the start of each class (Monday, Wednesday, and Friday). We still have a full homework set due each Wednesday, but I enjoy having the PCCIs as it’s more similar to the high school homework model (short more frequent assignments that don’t have to be 100% perfect). I now have a much better understanding of complex numbers and why they are useful. Other topics we have studied thus far include differential equations and the Taylor series (both topics were briefly introduced in past calculus classes). We have also been learning the basics of Mathematica and are currently studying integrals in two or more dimensions. Last semester in MTH 212, all of the exams could be taken over multiple days (unlimited time) so it’s not the easiest transition back to timed math exams.

PHI 220 is a great complement to my four STEM classes. Specifically, it’s reading and discussion-based and doesn’t have problem sets! While there is absolutely value in courses unrelated to my majors, I really love learning concepts that come up in computer science but from a different perspective. Over the course of the semester, we have been working our way through Gödel, Escher, Bach: an Eternal Golden Braid. We have been learning about formal systems and been gaining an understanding of Gödel's incompleteness theorems. Later in the course, we will be delving into the study of Turing machines. Each class starts with five minutes of breathing and stretching. The first day I thought it was really weird, but have now gained an appreciation for it.

EGR 220 has been my most time-consuming class, but I have also really enjoyed the course content. I am glad that I took PHY 118 last spring as it gave me a good primer for some of the circuit theories. This is particularly useful as circuits is a fast-paced course. Labs have been frustrating at times due to technical difficulties, but having a hands-on component definitely helps my understanding and makes things more engaging. As long as we stay in Green Mode, we will have a few small-group in-person labs! We have also had and will continue to have occasional full class in-person outdoor demonstrations. (All of my other classes have been and will continue to be fully remote). In terms of course content, we have learned about passive components like resistors, capacitors, and inductors and circuit analysis techniques like nodal analysis and mesh analysis.

CSC 250 has generally been enjoyable as I have an awesome professor. I don’t dislike the course material, but I definitely prefer programming and systems to theory. Also, theoretical computer science requires writing lots of proofs which is not my favorite. I am glad that I took discrete math (MTH 153) last semester as it introduced me to proof writing. MTH 153 an unenforced prerequisite of CSC 250, which I was originally going to take concurrently due to schedule conflicts. In the course, we have been learning about regular expressions, finite automata, context-free grammars, push-down automata, and most recently Turing machines. (See what I mean about the overlap with PHI 220!)

COMPSCI 230 is my UMass computer systems class. You can read more about Five College registration here. The course is asynchronous which has its advantages and disadvantages. It’s nice being able to self-schedule my coursework, but it’s strange not really interacting with my classmates. As the UMass semester started two weeks before Smith’s, I am just about halfway through the course which is honestly sort of crazy. In the course, we have learned about data representation, von Neumann Architecture, caches, and virtual memory.

I am not taking guitar this semester and unfortunately have hardly played my guitar. Last year I had set a daily practice goal that I did a really good job of sticking to. That said, I regret having set that goal as it made playing feel more like a chore. The issue is that when the year ended I was justified in taking a few days off from playing. However, as I was really busying during Interterm it was just too easy to dive into my coursework and other responsibilities. Playing guitar is something that I love, so I am trying to incorporate it back into my life in the right way. You can read about my musical history here. Another music update, that’s really just for me to look back on is that my current favorite song is The Story (written by Phil Hanseroth and performed by Brandi Carlile). I have been listening to a lot of Brandi Carlile’s music over the past few days and absolutely love it. As for 2020 goals, like many people, mine weren’t the biggest success. I originally set out to write four original songs but only wrote two (one of which I had started in August of 2019). I was successful in my reading goal so that was at least one win. You can read about my 2020 in books here.

#college #Smith College #spring 2021 #academics #engineering #computer science #music

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ronnytherandom · 3 years

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I started Writing My Thoughts On Things Again, I'm Sorry

15/8/2021:

Mass Effect Legendary Edition (Whole trilogy w/ all dlcs, Adept Class, Hardcore difficulty, 68 Hours):

Still brilliant! I adore this series. The first Mass Effect was one of the first games I ever played back in 2010 and Mass Effect 2 is one of the games I’ve played the most accruing several hundred hours over multiple playthrough from 2010 onwards, while Mass Effect 3 is a game I greatly appreciated but have more mixed feelings towards. Retrospectively as much as I liked the first Mass Effect, I did not nearly appreciate it enough back in the day. For a first entry in a new IP it is incredibly fleshed out with interesting Lore, an intriguing story and a cool galaxy to explore. I appreciate its combat far more now than I did back then but would still argue it is relatively weak in comparison to more modern titles and its own successors. Though the VA is rough in some places it is excellent where it matters, especially in the case of Sovereign whose iconic dialogue on Virmire is etched into my brain. A key element of the first mass effect I felt was sorely missing from the later entries was its exploration. While the galaxy grew routinely larger no game after the first had a drivable Mako, a vehicle I adore, and further lacked the opportunity to land on and explore the terrain of alien worlds for resources and side missions which I feel lends a lot to the atmosphere of the setting and could be made even more compelling using updated technology and a larger selection of assets and interiors which might have emerged from the higher budget successors. As it is I appreciate its inclusion in the first game. Mass Effect was also my first encounter with impactful choices in a video game and this is certainly something I appreciate but leads me to a major criticism specifically targeting the dialogue wheel layout as it is strange to me how you can puzzle out all of these possible dialogue outcomes but put exactly all of the positive outcomes behind the Upper Left dialogue option. While this is less pronounced in the First entry as the Renegade dialogue fills roughly the same purpose while sounding more badass, it becomes truer throughout the series as renegade options routinely just become nasty and exclusionary.

Mass Effect 2 innovates in some key ways which I have grown to appreciate more in the past 20 hours of play than I did when it launched. Primarily, its focus on characters and your relationships to them. Barring a couple of notable exceptions I found myself greatly invested in every single member of the Normandy crew and I think it’s a remarkable feat that each crewmate could be written to be so sympathetic, relatable and interesting in a world so full of appreciable elements. I would go into specific examples but id end up listing every character except Miranda and Jacob. This of course plays well into the Suicide Mission narrative which is perhaps my favourite overarching plot within the trilogy as it incorporates not just all of these incredible characters and plays upon your investment in them but also relies on the threat of both the Reapers and Collectors which are two excellently designed enemies which I find significantly more compelling than Saren and the Geth or Cerberus and the Reaper Husk Armies. Mass Effect 2 has a powerful horror element composed of the Collectors phobic horror and the reapers cosmic horror and it does wonders for the game’s atmosphere. I remember at this moment the Collector soundtrack which, like the rest of the soundtrack is absolutely excellent. Inasmuch as I would criticise it from a purely musical perspective for being simple at times and perhaps overly repetitive it perfectly fits the camp space opera that is mass effect. Galaxy Map and Suicide Mission are absolute bangers. I would hesitate to call the combat great. Playing the game as a weapon heavy class is superior, I’d argue as even with an armour build dedicated to decreasing ability cooldown it is too long to adequately utilise the powers of ability heavy classes like the adept. Additionally, ability play feels far more limited than in the game’s predecessor due to the limitation of this games skill tree elements which are frankly a step too far in simplifying the interface. It doesn’t massively affect enjoyment of the game but I couldn’t help but note every time I visited the abilities menu how much I missed Mass Effects abilities menu. So while I would say Mass Effect maintains a very well balanced game with regards to combat, roleplay and story, Mass Effect 2 eschews combat and mechanical roleplay in favour of an excellent story. Additionally while lacking an exploration aspect the more structured side-missions found by scanning planets throughout the galaxy create a lot of fun moments and interesting gameplay, emblematic of the fact that mission design vastly improves between this game and its predecessor.

Mass Effect 3 goes some way to resolve its predecessor’s imbalance as the majority of the game possesses enhanced combat, a much better abilities mechanic and an excellent story. First the addition of more mobility, loadout and engagement options benefits the combat greatly, while the addition of more complex enemy types than previous games pushes you to fully utilise these new options. A massive reduction in ability cooldown combined with liberal cooldown reduction bonuses in the skill tree means that abilities are very useful and versatile and you generally feel very powerful. Sometimes too powerful if you’re thinking from a balancing standpoint but given it’s a single player game this criticism is much diminished and being powerful is fun regardless. The skill tree system in this game forms a synthesis between its predecessors’ systems and comes out the better for combining a regular sense of empowerment with interesting choices within your own character build. All of this contributes to a much-improved combat experience, especially over Mass Effect 2. This also lends itself to the old multiplayer system which I honestly enjoyed when it launched (who cannot love a playable biotic Volus?) and feel is sorely lacking from this legendary edition. I would argue the only real problem with the multiplayer was requiring a player to engage with it in order to achieve the best story outcome; the actual multiplayer gameplay was thoroughly enjoyable and it gave players the opportunity to experience combat as an STG agent or a Krogan Warlord which were both fulfilling experiences from my memory. The aforementioned story is truly excellent and successfully builds off events in previous games but primarily succeeds due to Biowares exceptional character writing which persists from Mass Effect 2. Even in the case of its worst side mission content but especially in its primary missions the stakes and outcome of events are thoroughly compelling and the involvement of beloved Normandy crewmates is bound to incite intense emotions. This is possibly the only game that makes me cry multiple times throughout a normal playthrough. Unfortunately my goodwill often runs out when it comes to consider the ultimate ending of this series which I do not approve of. I admit there are mitigating factors: you should not play the mass effect series for the culmination of its plot. This series lives and dies with its characters and all of the major character arcs reach satisfactory endings before the final moments of Mass Effect 3, so the final moments have no real meaning as the thematic purpose of the series is achieved by galvanising the galaxy and uniting all these disparate races into a single force to fight the Reapers. Thematically the game is a success but the extent to which it utilises the choices the player has made, upon which the series builds its reputation, is limited in scope. This can likely be laid at the feet of the leaks of the original story ahead of the games launch which pushed the developers to create a new ending to avoid spoilers, but the quality of that ending is poor as it boils all the choices made throughout the series down to selecting the colour of a space laser. To make an odd comparison, this is why I think Game of Thrones’ and Mass Effect’s endings are different kinds of bad. Mass Effect reaches a fully satisfying conclusion in the moments immediately after launching the final mission, whereas Game of Thrones built its whole series asking the question “Who Will Sit The Iron Throne” With the final answer being “Actually, no one” after slogging through multiple series which did not live up to the quality of the first. Mass Effect answers its dramatic question of “Can Shepard Unite The Galaxy Against The Reapers” satisfactorily following sixty hours of excellent content and the colour of the space laser doesn’t actually matter. It just hurts to think that the finale could’ve been so much grander and more interesting. I would recommend the games, the disappointment of the finale doesn’t even come close to outweighing the grandeur that is the rest of the experience of Mass Effect 3, let alone the whole series.

There are only a few pieces of content I had not encountered prior to this Legendary edition playthrough. The Mass Effect DLC Bring Down The Sky is fun in that it adds an interesting combat experience with incredible stakes and immerses you in a stellar scale event, but the experience is very short. As part of the legendary edition I recommend it but having to pay extra for it at its time of launch I would have found it disappointing. Mass Effect 2s Overlord DLC is very good, introducing fun combat encounters, an opportunity to operate the fairly fun Hammerhead vehicle (even if it doesn’t live up to the Glory of the Mako) and explore a nice open environment with a truly haunting ending which is a kind of non-choice but it is gratifying to make that choice anyway. Additionally the visuals in the final station when interacting with the VI elements are very nice. The Arrival DLC is also quite fun, with a pseudo stealth section to open it, something which I believe occurs nowhere else in the series. The general element of operating solo is quite novel for mass effect as I believe outside of this moment, the opening of the Citadel DLC and the final moments of Mass Effect 3 there is no point where you fight alone. The indoctrinated nature of the project team does not come as a shock but regardless the dlc is enjoyable as a combat experience and the scale of destruction shown necessary to even slightly inconvenience the reapers lends a lot to the scale of their threat. I do not believe I played any DLCs in Mass Effect 3 before, insofar as I did not consider From Ashes DLC content as it was already on the disk and all buying the day one dlc did was activate it. Leviathan is very interesting from a lore perspective and does interesting things with its investigative process but I find it to be a relatively passive and uninteresting experience for the most part. Omega was more my style with a lot of good combat and interesting new enemies and a bit of bombast besides but still left me largely unmoved. Citadel was excellent but mostly for its “endgame” content rather than its story content. Despite featuring many hilarious moments throughout the actual plot it failed to interest me but I was definitely there for all of the fun character moments and the party is absolutely hilarious.

Ultimately a hearty recommendation but with tempered expectations for the finale.

Deaths Door (True Ending, 13.7 hours):

A Delight. Deaths Door is a charming little game about a bird that stabs things and I love it. It is incredibly impressive that this was made by a team composed of two people. The gameplay is fun in all regards. Navigation is a good time especially when all of the environments are lovely and full of personality. Obstacles come mainly in the form of puzzles and these are at a sweet spot between ease and frustration without being at all complex. Combat could’ve used a bit more work, primarily to create more meaningful distinctions between weapons or add a little depth, but it is still engaging and good fun. While the main bosses are challenging and satisfying to defeat, I worry over the side bosses; perhaps something could’ve been done to make them more distinct from one another? But a small gripe. I like the world, the aforementioned environments are well realised, the general aesthetic is artful and distinct and the story is good if slightly sparse. One notable element is the dialogue which is very good with a quick wit. The finale of the main game has the right amount of spectacle and weight while the endgame is cool and fantastical, with an ample supply of secrets and collectibles to find. Over all the music is incredible, soundtrack full of absolute bangers. I really enjoyed completing this game and I’d recommend it to anyone who’s into action adventure and souls-like games.

The Bad Batch (season 1):

This was Allright. To open I cannot overstate how good the animation and art of this series is. It is routinely beautiful and well-choreographed. Visually there are no complaints. The problems begin with the opening episode which I feel overpromised on a relatively dark take on the Star Wars universe by immediately dropping us into an Order 66 plot full of death, danger, brainwashing and the threat of an emergent empire. Now granted this series never explicitly promises that all of this would continue but I enjoyed these elements of the first episode and I was dissatisfied by their limited usage throughout the rest of the show. This is not to say I disliked the show, I did enjoy the characters who are all good fun, and most of the plots were good. This series I felt had a lot of filler episodes, which I’d simply describe as episodes I enjoyed less due to underwhelming plot or conflict, but they were still enjoyable despite what id perceive as a lesser quality. The show also “suffers” from what I’d called Star Wars Syndrome of Filonitis which is how Everything Must Be Interconnected, with regular cameos from extended universe characters which I feel is beginning to get a bit much. These features feel to me more often like nostalgia grabs rather than organically featuring a character in service of the plot and development. For example, I appreciate the Captain Rex feature as that served to highlight the inhibitor chip problem and drive the characters to seek a solution, however I appreciated Rafa and Trace’s feature less both because I’m less attached to those characters (especially Rafa) but also because the episode didn’t serve any particular purpose or create any particular set piece which couldn’t have been achieved without those characters. This is a similar issue I have with The Mandalorian, I adored season one as it was relatively self-contained and only featured vague or subtler references to the wider canon: to contrast season two is full of cameos from the wider universe sometimes for no reason other than to have a cameo when those roles could easily have been filled with new and creative content which doesn’t rely upon nostalgia to make something interesting. Ultimately Bad Batch is worth watching for the characters and the good episodes, it is fun and entertaining, it just has its issues.

Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure Part 1: The Phantom Blood:

Its uh, its not good. Now that’s a very broad statement, as to assess this show critically at all is to take it far more seriously than you should, but to be more even handed the show certainly has a bunch of fun elements. Only from a story perspective, there isn’t really that much there; and from a pacing perspective it needs to be seen to be believed. I’m certain that if you condensed the show down to a reasonable size for the amount of content it has, you’d probably have a movie with a two-hour runtime at most which would be quite enjoyable but on a whole this first part wastes about 80% of its time on overlong drawn-out internal monologues and the dilated timeframes of the show’s fights. It also has an annoying habit of overemphasizing the weight of a moment or the genius of a characters unexpected action usually with no less than three people commenting on any slight manoeuvre which ruins the pacing beyond belief. Now I understand this is a staple of the Jojo series, only part 1 handles it very poorly in comparison to later parts. The fighting is especially hindered by this as most actual combat usually involves only four or five punches but they tend to take twenty minutes getting to each one. Additionally, Johnathan Joestar is pretty boring as a character with no notable qualities aside from being good both morally and at fighting. The intrigue of the stone mask is cool but this part deals in that very little. Like I say though, Part 1 is still fun to watch if you can disengage your brain and admire the potent meme quality of the series. It is not “good” from a critical perspective but it is incredibly amusing and the campness gives it a degree of charm. If you just want to watch a bunch of beefy men shout at each other and perform magic punches this is a good time. Speedwagon, despite being the worst offender of the “Explain Everything Twice and Ruin the Pacing” category, is still entertaining for the awful accent and endearing character. He’s also definitely in love with Johnathan and I will not be taking questions on that. Baron Zeppeli has a cool hat. Theres a lot of fun to be had as the show embraces the weirdness of everything that’s going on. So, check it out, it might just be a So-Bad-Its-Good Masterpiece.

300 (film):

This film was not so great in my eyes. I think there was one particular shot of the landscapes around Sparta which I felt was visually cool but everything else about the film lacked quality for me, barring practical effects which have aged significantly better than the graphical effects. The visuals are largely uninspiring, the washed-out colour pallet doesn’t help. Perhaps the dialogue was amusing at release but for me it’s all been memed to death. I can’t say any of the performances are particularly compelling, nice to see Magneto and Faramir though. The action could’ve been good and there are certainly moments where it has impact, but the constant application of slow motion I feel reduces the sense of power that should be there, like watching people fight on the moon. Ultimately, I can’t stomach it for two primary reasons: Historical inaccuracy and Racism, which feed into each other. The values of the Spartans do not accurately reflect ideas that historical Spartans held to and I must ask why? Historical accuracy is the default state, so to usurp those ideas in favour of others means the author of the graphic novel Frank Miller and director Zach Snyder replaced those ideas with purpose, in order to make the film more appealing to a mass audience or to express their own ideas perhaps? And the values they chose for the Spartans were freedom, justice and democracy which were things the slaving and monarchical Spartans did not believe in at least in the modern sense. This reeks of an imposition of the propagandised values of western nations on a historical society. This in itself would not be so much of an issue without the demonisation and perversion of the Achaemenid empire and the peoples therein. To establish the primary conflict as one of Civilised white westerners against barbarous non-white easterners, when historically the conflict was between two nations of a broadly similar heritage both possessing facets of good and evil, in the early 2000s? It feels as though some reactionary interpretations of the War on Terror have simply been recreated here with classical history as window dressing. Add to that reactionary attachment to the battle of Thermopylae as a representation of the western world’s struggle against the eastern world, in addition to other more problematic interpretations, and this film plays straight into extreme right-wing ideas of race. Cannot recommend, there’s a lot more better things you could be watching.

18/08/2021: Darth Vader (2015) comic (incl. Vader Down event):

This was really cool. The first comic I’ve ever actually read so I don’t have much frame of reference but I certainly enjoyed this. It was compelling, I’ve blitzed through this whole run in a single day. I think it serves a valuable purpose of demonstrating Vader’s potential and development between Episodes IV and V, as well as the nature of internal conflicts within the Empire. A side note, it is amusing that Palpatine identifies infighting as a factor in the fall of the Sith Empire and yet encourages it for his own political purposes anyway. I felt that the art and style was very good and fit well with the Star Wars aesthetic, though I couldn’t say if it is truly excellent or just standard: it certainly wasn’t bad, though I think a few designs such as Dr Aphra’s ship were hard to read as it were. Speaking of, I think characters new and old were well portrayed. The titular Vader is unmistakably the same character as appears in the classic trilogy, similarly for Han, Luke and Leia etc. And it was a pleasure to see Chewbacca absolutely destroy someone. The aforementioned Aphra I thought was fine but she lacks distinction to my mind, the real star was Triple Zero and by extension Beetee who I thought were excellent comic relief in addition to being a genuine threat, something I can’t necessarily say I felt with regard to the antagonists. This latter part doesn’t matter overmuch, I think the purpose of these antagonists was more to present Vader with pressure to fulfil his personal goals rather than actually oppose him and they work well in that regard, but are unmemorable beyond their basic attributes. What I think this comic does particularly well is create a kind of puzzle narrative and its almost thrilling at moments when Vader’s plots might be discovered. As a result of this I am looking forward to reading more comics in future.

The Suicide Squad (2021): Highly enjoyable! A big step up for the suicide squad as a franchise and a lot more fun, playing into a brighter and more humorous genre than its predecessor to good effect; This time with good editing, soundtrack, direction… well good everything in comparison. I enjoyed all of the characters and their acting particularly the rivalry between Peacemaker and Bloodsport and Margot Robbie is still fantastic as Harley. They all pale before King however, who is endearing beyond belief and a lot of fun to boot. The “villain” if that term is applicable is very interesting and actually threatening, no mere beam of light into the sky! And the willingness to engage in more mature elements such as gore and character morality is of immense benefit, serving to distinguish it from generally more childish superhero media and reach towards more interesting themes around colonisation, foreign intervention, America and such. Only a reach towards however as I don’t think it ultimately says anything beyond “This thing, kinda bad and dumb”. As I saw noted, it observes the theme but doesn’t comment on it which is a shame as that would bring it all together quite neatly. I feel it can drag a little at times and sometimes the dialogue and specifically its humour don’t hit right but the rest is of such quality that it hardly matters. It looks good, sounds good and offers a chance to engage in a little mindless and bloody violence. I hope Harley keeps the javelin.

27/08/2021: JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure Part 2: Battle Tendency: TW: Mention of Nazism, Discussion of Sexism

This is MUCH better. Part 2 covers most of the problems I had with Part 1. The Monologues are less egregious so the pacing is much improved; the lore is fully integrated into the story and creates a genuinely good narrative and Joseph is a much more compelling and interesting protagonist with a quirky and entertaining personality. The Pillar Men are excellent villains and the fights are fully engaging. Even when you know that Joseph will pull out a “And next you’ll say” twist at the end of a losing fight it’s still surprising simply by dint of the strange and wacky solutions he creates. And these adventures are even more bizarre, playing into the weird camp of the series which works so well. All in all, the quality is excellent here HOWEVER there are some highly problematic elements. The show being set in the 1930s is a neat part of the travelling through time factor of the series but when you’re globetrotting around Europe you need some solution to the problem of Nazis popping up everywhere and this show does not provide one, and fails so drastically to offer even a slightly critical perspective on the fascist characters. The noble sacrifice of Von Stroheim and his later resurrection and heroism serve to idolise a Patriotic German Nazi Officer, which is not good, and this unchallenged perspective on an Actual Nazi is troubling especially when the character himself is an unrepentant mass murderer. Additionally, the show has a horrible attitude towards women, who exist almost exclusively for sex appeal and romantic interest in this show. Lisa Lisa does demonstrate ability and character but when presented with genuine combat is relegated first as a bit of eye candy during the fight with Esidesi (notably eye candy for Her Own Son) and later as a Damsel in Distress during her fight with Kars. Women are frequently used as objects in this part; Caesar Zeppeli uses women as props by controlling them with his Hamon powers and Suzi Q exists only to be rescued from Esidesi and then to be romanced by Jojo. It’s pretty ridiculous to be honest. I am informed that this improves over the course of the series but as for this part in particular it is a lot of fun just so long as you can ignore some incredibly troubling portrayals.

13/09/2021: Rick and Morty Season 4:

There is ultimately not much to say as Season 4 is simply more Rick and Morty and operates as such. It is good, even very good. It’s still very funny. Its voice acting is still the pinnacle of such work. It is still smart and has a lot of interesting ideas, only not to the extent of the copypasta fan boys. Its sci-fi universe is cool and its design and aesthetic are still excellent. I feel the show has passed a threshold however as there’s only so much time you can spend on the “dysfunctional family is dysfunctional theme”. I hope season 5 proves me wrong once I get to it, but season 4 is fun and I’d recommend it all the same, it’s just more Rick and Morty and I think that’s enough.

Shang-Chi and the Ten Rings: Spectacular! Very easily amongst the best if not The Best Superhero Movie (aside from Into the Spiderverse). To begin with complaints as they are limited, the colour grading was a bit dark in a couple of the fight scenes and in some moments of the climactic fight the CG effects are a little Too Much and distract from the central action of Shang-Chi, Xialing and a Dragon owning the shit out of a multiversal super spectre, which incidentally is fucking epic. Additionally, the standard MCU comic relief dialogue is a little meh at times but what’s new there? They still need to get a handle on that, especially because this film was really strong when it was serious. As much as I love Ben Kingsley’s Trevor Slattery, he was just a tad much here. Aside from a few moments of weak dialogue however the rest of the film is excellent. Acting is good, effects are good, the film is quite beautiful primarily once Ta Lo is reached and the score is bangin. I appreciate most of all the fight sequences which to me look well-choreographed with interesting arenas which were always appropriate to demonstrate the characters abilities; the sequences serve to develop character and plot at key moments also. The way the camera is handled during the fights is also a big step up, with wide perspective and long shots rather than the snappy close shots of old which serve to really show off that choreography and don’t muddy your understanding of the flow of combat. There is a good thematic line throughout the film of reconciling the bad and the good of your familial and personal history, to understand yourself better and channel that into developing and achieving your ambitions and I adore how that ties in with Shang-Chi and Wenwu’s final confrontation due to the nature and treatment of the Ten Rings themselves. They are a very interesting fantastical element especially once Shang-Chi acquires them and the way that he utilises them create a very cool combat style I can’t wait to see more of, even considering that their full potential is yet to be unlocked. I additionally approve of how they have been differentiated from their comic counterparts which to my understanding are just slightly weaker infinity stones; thus, a one-to-one reproduction would’ve been a boring mistake to make. It’s a fantastic film, go see it.

26/09/2021: Sable (20 hours, 99% complete) Sable has the makings of an absolutely fantastic game, it just has a few hiccups and hurdles to deal with. Thankfully most can probably be dealt with by patch as there’s nothing fundamentally wrong with the game; but a game should never be released in a state where it needs a patch to function normally. This game is incredibly buggy. Probably one of the buggiest games I’ve ever played at launch, and I preordered Skyrim. Most of my complaints are with the menus, which simply do not work properly sometimes, but there are other documented issues with collision detection and weird bike movement among others including one annoying persistent issue with the soundtrack being replaced by random ‘bong’ noises. For these reasons I cannot recommend the game Right Now until it is patched or if it is on a significant sale. However, once the bugs are fixed this game will be a stunning achievement. The story is good and leads to powerful emotional moments, aided along by an excellent atmospheric soundtrack and beautiful visuals. The style and colour give this game an exceptional look, though diminished by a fairly rapid day/night cycle. I understand that this creates a visual contrast to make the daytime feel more vibrant and impressive, but I would also hold the sun still in the sky if that were an option. The world is well built, with interesting lore and cool design work. Varied environments show off a range of colourful landscape all with their own distinct atmospheres and landmarks which are good both for navigation and exploration, this being the bulk of the game. Exploring these environments is satisfying for curiosities sake but also offers collectible Chums that I adore and an intriguing backstory and world history to consider. Riding a hoverbike is cool and fun, and the customisability is nice though I would take issue with the “balancing” of bike parts as the best bike can be acquired only a few hours in and must be bought, where bike parts earned through long quest chains pale in comparison. This annoys me as I believe players should be rewarded more for great deeds than for acquiring currency, besides which the quest bikes look cooler. This is of little importance however as the game is a very casual and chill experience, keeping an excellent balance where it is not strictly challenging but does maintain your focus and attention. This world is full of strangeness and a little sci-fi magic; though I would argue it could use more of this I think that would threaten to overwhelm the player when even this world’s most mundane elements are still stunningly cool. I think a thick coat of bugs covers what is ultimately a magnificent game with many cool things to explore and even marred by its worst features I still had a great time playing it.

27/09/2021: The Matrix

Brilliant. A very cerebral action movie which definitely earns its place as an iconic work of cinema and its clear to see why its influence is so widespread. Fantastic action with a clear and open perspective which utilises the interesting and dynamic cinematography that runs throughout the movie. I particularly enjoy how over the top the fights are in terms of environmental destruction and gestures as a whole, with a great deal of emphasis added by practical effects which I enjoy. Cool characters, good dialogue and excellent performances across the cast. And, an interesting world well-built and designed. The robots particularly are quite intimidating and I like their arthropodal form. All of the design works well to create the feeling of a greasy industrial post apocalypse which contrasts sharply with the boring homogenous simulation, the latter having its own value as a setting due to its familiarity which would’ve been especially prevalent when this film first released. I love the soundtrack, especially the final feature of Rage, but most of all I love how deeply you can read into this film and its meaning. Having watched many videos about it I was primed on the trans allegory going in and it is very clearly a present part of the narrative before even considering the context around the Wachowski sisters and their own experience. It is a very interesting part of the story and plays well into other themes built around deconstructing the illusions pressed on us by our society, drawing strong parallels between the struggles of living as a trans person and fighting against an imperialist capitalist society. It is worth watching for any of its constituent parts but together they form a magnificent work of art.

28/09/2021: Star Wars: Visions

The series is a bit of a mixed bag. It definitely overpromises with its first episode which is of a remarkably distinct style, is incredibly cool and has great wacky moments in addition to tasteful call-backs to the wider Star Wars canon. I love the umbrella sabre, it’s a fantastic idea and there needs to be more of them. From there a few episodes are fantastic, The Elder and the final episode, and id rank the Ninth jedi just below them, but the rest of the series is definitely not to my taste. The wide variety of styles on show are all fantastic and the animation is universally very good, just some of the plots are more childish than I would appreciate and the rest are simply not engaging for me to the point that despite a great deal of spectacle occurring I would often be distracted. It’s worth a look if you’re into animation and unique takes on star wars but I find generally lacking.

Django Unchained (2nd Watch) TW: Discussion of Racism and Slavery

Red Flag: Tarantino Movie is good. Very good. Stellar performances from Jamie Foxx, Kerry Washington, Leo Di Caprio, Christoph Waltz and everyone else in the movie to be frank; a special note for the trivia about Leo Di Caprio’s cut up hand during the dining room scene, a lot of respect for a man who can keep working through that kind of injury. We can go through a Tarantino Checklist say the film is well shot with beautiful environments; has excellent and witty dialogue with good attention to detail and mannerism; and finally has great and gory action which does not flinch from terrible injury and really appeals to a perverse bloodlust that seems to crop up from time to time in normal people. Strangely enough however, I could not recall if Tarantino indulges in his predilection for feet here. This film does indulge in Tarantino’s other predilection however and that’s the N-word, but here I respect it. Unlike his non-period works, the use of the N-word is a facet of slavery just as chains, whips and plantations are and slavery is the subject of this film which seeks to be historically authentic. If anything, the absence of the N-word would be very wrong in this case despite being the project of a white man as without it the film would lack the context of a key form of oppression that still exists today. I think Django does an excellent job documenting and commenting on the institution as it existed in the pre-war period. Django experiences every level of status a black person would encounter in this setting: first a slave, then a freedman, a black slaver and finally a Liberator and the final message of the film is that slavery deserved to be destroyed and any argument made for its return is horseshit which is kind of a “Duh” statement but with the state of modern politics and the state of education in the US it’s something that needs reiterating. You can interpret this beyond the bounds of slavery itself in addition, by arguing that there are existing powers in this world which seek to discriminate based on skin colour amongst other factors and create oppressed minorities for the benefit of a wealthy few with power and should the systems that create this environment be completely destroyed it would be cause for celebration. Beyond this I particularly enjoyed the historical authenticity of the environments, of the very varied biomes of the wilder parts of the US at the time, and the contemporary outfits especially King Schultz’ coat which I desire more than any item of clothing I’ve ever seen. The film is good at building suspense both in the moment to moment and through longer story arcs, particularly the second act, but I do feel like the 2nd act lulls a little, perhaps spends slightly too long reaching its climax. This is a great spectacle of a film which looks and sounds fantastic, puts excellent performances on show, tells a great story and has quite a bit of meaning bundled into it.

29/09/2021: The Road to El Dorado (Unfinished)

Despite not finishing it I think this film is actually really good. It certainly has a few elements which don’t fully gel with me but I enjoyed my time with it; I only felt like I should really be doing something else and that I wasn’t fully engaged with it, potentially as I’m not keen on cons and high stakes acting as it feels like a form of vicarious embarrassment for me which makes me immensely uncomfortable. Personal hindrances aside most everything about this film is excellent, I loved the animation and the very colourful world. The characters were fun, the voice acting good, the constant horniness was a great bonus also. I take issue with the music, much as it’s not my right to criticise Elton John, I feel it would’ve been better fully incorporated into the film. I enjoy animated musicals more when said music is diegetic and I think them beginning to employ non-diegetic music is part of what led to their downfall, outside of market saturation. Additionally, I was not a fan of The Trail we Blaze, just not a song that worked for me. I also appreciate the integration of 3d and 2d animation here as I felt the styles were reconciled better here than in most movies, especially for the time. I might take issue with what seems to be a plot about two Spanish men of the colonial age coming to central America and “enlightening” its people through humanitarian acts and music as that would reflect some troubling attitudes but I hold out hope that by the end of the film they decide to come clean about the lie, return the gold and help defend El Dorado from Cortez and his troops. Its enjoyable, I don’t feel drawn to finishing it though.

30/09/2021: Hunters Moon, Ghost

Here’s a new one, music reviews. This single is pretty good I enjoy it a lot. Opens slow and gentle and rapidly builds into some strong rock with a very 80s feel which scans with Ghosts whole historical rock and metal style they’ve always employed but have gone in extra hard on since Prequelle. The lead riff the track opens on is really nice and I would love to have seen it explored further, but the heavier style that ramps up progressively as the song continues is still great climaxing on the 9/4 post chorus riff which goes hard as fuck and I love that bit especially. It feels like it would be spectacular to witness it live. The bridge is a moment I’m not so keen on, the initial bass work is a little bare bone and overly repetitive but it definitely picks up once the guitar and vocals come in, even if just for the final moments. The final chorus leads into a good finale though I think it’ll serve better on an album version with a transition into another track, as I usually prefer to be fair. Technically I enjoy all of the different sounds and effects employed on all the instruments, especially in that leading riff, all of which are played well with good time. The vocals are great as usual. It’s a great track, I feel it was maybe a little short and could’ve explored some of its musical ideas or given them a bit more time to breathe; perhaps less time could have been given to overrepresented elements like the bridge and given over to work more into the very atmospheric leading riff but this is still a hard and heavy rock track and I enjoy it greatly.

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thewhitefluffyhat · 4 years

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Thoughts on Karin’s Magical Girl Story

Another collection of thoughts and reactions, plus analyzing some small changes the NA translation made (similar to the translation comparison I did for Alina’s MGS a while back).

Starting off with not a change, but an interesting note: Karin and Alina’s club situation is rather strange. Alina is the “outsider” from the Art Club, while Karin is part of the Manga Club. The classroom they share, though, doesn’t appear to be the main space for either club. I’d initially assumed that it was the room originally used for the Manga Club, but once Arc 2 updates these backgrounds...

It turns out this actually is an art classroom! I guess the school just has two?

First major change: Just like in Alina’s MGS, they removed direct references to Karin and Alina’s ages. The reference to Karin’s age at the start of the Magical Halloween Theater event was also changed.

(In JP here, Alina was said to have won a lot of different awards “for a 16 year old,” while Karin stated her age as 14 in the MHT event.)

Again, unsure of why the change, but it could be in order to fix the continuity issues. Because good lord, that continuity is snarled...

I think the order that makes the most sense is Karin MGS > Alina MGS > Magius forms > one year passes > MHT > Main Story Ch5 > Holy Alina’s MGS. In theory, then Karin should be 13 and Alina should be 15 in their Magical Girl Stories and then 14 and 16 in the present, but as mentioned that’s contradicted by the start of Karin’s MGS in the original Japanese.

There’s also the weirdness around when/how Karin learned Alina was a magical girl, since Karin seems aware of it in MHT, yet it’s unclear if she knows in Holy Alina’s MGS.

… Anyway, stuff like this is why I gave up on constructing a coherent timeline for Magia Record. There’s just too many continuity tangles. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

References to Karin being in her second year in middle school and the third years leaving – also changed. Probably because it’s both an uncommon way to refer to grades in English, and also, once again, another continuity issue. (If the third years left, why is Alina still there in one years’ time if she’s at least one grade ahead of Karin?)

Another change: some specifics in why Karin and Alina are in the same classroom together. In JP, it’s not specified who made the deal to let Alina use the room. If anything it seems like Karin is the one making a deal directly with Alina.

Which actually makes far more sense all around – why does “the school” care that Alina is giving informal lessons to some random kid?

And it makes more sense from Alina’s perspective too, in that it explains why she tolerates Karin constantly bothering her – putting up with Karin is explicitly the price she’s paying to Karin for using the space.

Oh boy, this. Karin having this mindset is why it took me so long to really ship AliKari. Because the dark undertone to “if only I improve, then surely Alina will treat me better” is that Karin is blaming herself when Alina is cruel to her. And that can very easily slide into an abusive relationship - if you don’t consider it one already.

Alina treating Karin decently should not be dependent on Karin’s art skill. Or anything else, for that matter. Full stop.

(Tangent time, including some Arc 2 spoilers)

What ultimately made me come around to AliKari is some of the early Arc 2 stuff, where Karin starts thinking the reason Alina disappeared is because Alina is mad at Karin for not improving. Karin’s explanation is spectacularly wrong, so I’m now more trusting that the game is implying that Karin’s mindset is going to change. That she’ll stop believing she’s at fault for Alina’s actions - and hopefully stand up to Alina too while she’s at it.

The other half of the equation is Alina, who as far as I can tell, is genuinely not interested in bullying Karin. She certainly has every opportunity to do so – especially given how her teacher punishes Karin for Alina’s behavior – but Alina never takes advantage of it. So while she is overly harsh and blunt about expressing her opinions to Karin, I don’t get the sense there is any manipulation underlying it. Indeed, very unusually for Alina, we also never see her enjoying or fantasizing about Karin’s pain or distress. She really, truly, just wants Karin to get better at art already!

Obviously, for any kind of relationship between the two to work, they would both need to undergo significant character development. But that’s the draw of AliKari – while other characters have stagnated (sigh, RikaRen), Alina and Karin are still some of the most dynamic characters in the game. And in general, the direction has been that despite starting out in a bad place (like Karin’s mindset above), they’re growing to become very positive influences on each other.

(End tangent)

Enjoying the extra cliches thrown in here and there, and in general how they translated Karin’s dramatics by adding additional cheesy and on-theme descriptions. Stuff like “dark and dreary night” or “cauldron of trouble” aren’t in the original Japanese, but they’re wonderfully in-character – honestly probably an improvement over the original!

Not a change, but more reminding myself that I really need to read Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne. I’m like 97% sure that’s what’s being referenced here – the plot description and even the comments Karin makes about “Phantom Thief Kirin” In her later Magic unlock quotes are all a very close match.

Interestingly enough, I’ve heard KKJ mentioned as an earlier dark magical girl series that Madoka Magica rips off. So it’s quite interesting to see it referenced again back in a PMMM property – I wonder which part of the creative team was responsible for this detail?

Hm, so, the subject and detail of Karin and Alina’s conversation in the middle differs between translations. In JP, the subject is vague, so the fan translation has Alina going off on an extended metaphor comparing the history of art to the protagonist of Karin’s manga. Meanwhile, in NA she just makes vague comments comparing her own growth as an artist.

I think I prefer the former - Alina usually doesn’t like talking about herself, but she sure loves to ramble about art history.

The translation I can find for the metaphor Karin’s grandmother uses here in JP renders it “barely able to keep a business going” - so did Karin’s grandmother possibly own a business herself? That’s a bit more interesting than just “struggled to make ends meet.”

Speaking of Karin’s grandmother, I really like her as a character. Her relationship with Karin is really sweet - I mean, how often do you see a teenage girl and an older woman being fans of something together? It happens in real life plenty of times, but it’s so rare to see this kind of interaction represented in fiction.

And it’s nice to see an example of mental illness being treated as just that – an illness. I especially like that there’s consent to the cure – Grandma outright says she wishes to be cured, rather than Karin deciding as such on her own. (As Karin is often wont to do…)

This is a fun illustration of how Alina has a very strong internal logic to her, but she’s really terrible at communicating it to other people.

Karin, naturally, takes Alina’s comment here as an exceptionally mean thing to say – it sounds like Alina is callously implying the thing Karin worked so hard on was so bad it wasn’t even worth Alina’s time to destroy, so she’s making Karin suffer even more in having to destroy it herself.

And the way Alina elaborates makes it quite clear that yes, she did mean to call Karin’s work garbage. This isn’t Alina having difficulty with Japanese or English.

But while Alina’s sense of taste can be quite sadistic, I don’t think that’s what she was aiming for here. Remember that Alina believes that “only the artist themselves has the right to destroy their work.” So this is actually Alina acknowledging Karin’s work as art, and therefore only Karin has the right to rip it up.

And why rip it up? Because whenever Alina finds her own work unsatisfactory, she destroys it. Hence Alina’s question at the end of this little back-and-forth:

If Karin doesn’t want to rip up her manga, then according to Alina’s logic, that means she must be happy and satisfied with it. But even Alina can tell that Karin is still unsatisfied and lying to herself, hence Alina’s frustration and confusion at Karin not destroying her work.

Another timeline note: Alina doesn’t lie, and even if she did, she doesn’t have a ring here. So I think it’s pretty settled that Karin’s MGS takes place before Alina learned about magical girls.

Oh huh. In NA, Alina thinks she’ll be the one in trouble if Karin isn’t ready. In the fan translation I’m used to, it seems like Alina is saying she’d just be mad herself… but I think NA has it right here. (In the original JP, Alina is using the passive form of “get angry” without a subject.)

Both work, but the impression NA gives with both this change and the earlier one is that someone at the school is basically putting Alina in charge of supervising Karin. Which… what the hell, Sakae Academy?

Going back a bit, Alina’s advice and its effect on Karin is interesting. One of Karin’s flaws really is that she makes excuses for herself and only half-commits, so Alina pushing her to think about what she truly wants and work hard to get it was genuinely what Karin needed to hear at the time.

However, Alina is also an obsessive perfectionist that tends to push herself to very clearly unhealthy levels…

So it’s rather fitting that on following Alina’s advice, Karin ends up pushing herself into doing something very dangerous: insisting on fighting a witch alone even though Kaede tries to get her to retreat. Karin is so determined she’s risking her life to fulfill her goal – something Alina would no doubt approve of. But also a great illustration of why Alina and her advice is flawed too.

Which, come to think of it, is part of why Karin and Alina’s MGS actually form a nice pair of complementary short stories. If you read them in chronological(?) / original JP release order, you first get to see how Alina helps Karin to grow as a person, and if you think hard about it, you can kind of see foreshadowing for Alina’s own issues. Then in Alina’s MGS, you get confirmation of that foreshadowing about Alina, and furthermore, the payoff to Karin’s development with her now being the one to give Alina some hard-hitting advice.

#magia record #misono karin #alina gray #alikari #magia record analysis #my ramblings #na translation changes #magia record na #magia record jp #read more

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johannestevans · 4 years

Text

An Ao3 conversation about portraying Theo’s autism in Heart of Stone.

MY TIP JAR BUY HEART OF STONE

Just thought I’d post this here as well as on Ao3, as I imagine it will be of interest to some people!

cmt015 commented:

Hello,

I just saw your reply, and even though the story is finished and you are well past chapter 4, I wanted to reply to this thread. I didn't say it in my original comment, but I am a cis female diagnosed with autism (high functioning, so formally diagnosed as asperger's.)

Part of the reason I was surprised that you had Theo lie is because autistic people are stereotypically known to be truthful and/or blunt, and confused by dishonesty. That is not true in my case, however. I am quite good at masking, to the point that people to whom I tell my diagnosis are surprised and doubtful of its validity, and I can very much tell a lie, or obfuscate. So don't mistake me; I am not critical of your decision to give Theo higher-functioning masking skills, but I was surprised that you did not follow the typical autistic symptoms to the letter. I found Theo to be much more relatable than most other fictional depictions of autistic characters, because he did not display many of the obvious tells of most autistic people, like stimming and conspicuous communication difficulties. You crafted a more subtle depiction of autism. I know this question is very broad, but I cannot think of another way to phrase it: how did you decide upon how to depict Theo's autism? What research led you to depict him the way in which you did? Are there autistic people in your life from whom you took inspiration? It seems to me it is somewhat rare for neuro-typical authors to write autistic characters, so what prompted you to depict an autistic character? I think you wrote (somewhere, I cannot recall) that you are ADHD but not autistic.

Also, it occurred to me after writing this that you never confirmed that Theophilus was the autistic character; if I am wrong and you intended for another character to be autistic, then I will be very confused, and slightly embarrassed!

Anyways, since you have finished this story at the time I am writing this, I want to say that I enjoyed this story very much, and I was eagerly reading each of the updates as they were released.

My response:

Honestly, there's a few things that go into it - I'm ADHD, and while I'm not on the autistic spectrum myself, there's definitely elements to the autistic experience that I share in common as someone with ADHD - hyperfixations tend to be shared between us; focus issues; sensitivity to certain sounds, textures, and other stimuli; and also difficulty with some social cues. There's definitely other things that are shared in common with those experiences (and that's not thinking about a lot of people who are ADHD and autistic), but like, those are definitely the ones I thought of most - because I sometimes find it quite difficult to get on with NT people, I would say the vast majority of my social circle is made up of other people with ADHD, and autistics. Not because I'm trying to like, exclude NTs? Just that, you know, autistic and ADHD people are just easier to vibe with, because I think we tend to share a framework of processing stimuli and information, and therefore communicating.

So that's definitely a big element to it, just having a lot of friends who're autistic and thinking about that, but I think a big thing I wanted to do with Theo was to kind of... emphasise the differences between how he and Henry process the world around them, but also the similarities - both Henry and Theo are actually quite inquisitive people who ultimately, I would say, are defined by their love for humanity? Theo meets someone and immediately feels the need to draw them or sketch them; he's utterly obsessed with the ways people move, talk, express themselves, the clothes they wear, the work they do, and in contrast, Henry meets someone and immediately wants to know everything about them that they might be willing to reveal - he asks dozens upon dozens of questions, he tries to extrapolate more about them based off those questions, etc. So they're coming at it from different angles, informed by the way they think from the POV of ADHD and autism respectively, but the core of the passion is the same.

I think that Theo struggles a lot with a lot of social interactions, and takes quite a long time to warm up to someone - especially because I think consistency is a big part of that, and the fact that Henry is so incredibly consistent in his style of communication, as frank and blunt (and loud) as it is, is a big part of why they engage so well with one another; I also think that eye contact is something that doesn't come to him naturally, and that's not something he really feels is a problem from his own perspective, but contributes to a lot of people struggling to connect with him. I guess part of the subtlety in my portrayal, if you want to call it that, is that a lot of Theo's autism is being written from his own experience rather than from outside perspectives, and the only person that is commenting from the outside is Henry, who is coming from an ADHD POV.

In regards to stimming etc, I definitely feel there are some textural elements Theo probably leans into - there's his fingers constantly tapping (which I imagine he does quite hard at times, so there's a pleasant percussive pressure against his fingers), but I do feel like he'd get a lot of satisfaction out of certain textural things. Thinking about Theo getting a beard is a nice one because I can imagine him stroking his beard a lot because of the texture of the hair, coarse and rough and dragging over his skin and stuff, and so on.

I do definitely feel like there's some elements to Henry and especially Theo's portrayal that were informed by the 18th century period - obviously, there's not gonna be a diagnosis of anything for either of them, so instead the way they experience the world just seems, in their eyes, to be part and parcel of the way they experience life, and there's no reason to think that there's something "wrong" with them, or even anything particularly different between their experiences and the experiences of anyone, beyond the basic differences between individuals. I think that's part of why it's so much easier for him to mask? I wrote a short story called In Perpetuity, which is from Marcellus and Genesius' POV in the 21st century, and talks a LOT about how as vampires they're really struggling with overstimulation from electronics, low-frequency sounds, etc etc, and I definitely think Henry and Theo are gonna experience a lot of that as the decades tick past, you know - I do think there are specific struggles and benefits that we get from, for example, electronics, public transport, the internet, etc etc, that Henry and Theo are going without in this story, and they might come into more later on.

Like, Henry would adore a fidget spinner, Theo would no doubt be delighted with certain sensory stim toys, but also like... I think Theo especially would struggle a lot with constant stimulation from screens and noise in public places, from bright lights in stores and certain restaurants, and so on, and I think they'd both be really sensitive to those awful high-pitched hums you get from some electronics (like fridges), and I think those would contribute more to him being a bit shut down in the 21st century, whereas overstim is... not non-existent, but not quite as overpowering in the 1700s.

Sorry for the massive essay! I just have a lot of thoughts on this subject, haha. Thanks so much for your comment, and I'm really glad you've enjoyed Heart of Stone! <3

#as defined by dictionary #heart of stone #theophilus essex #henry coffey #autistic characters

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ddaenghoney · 4 years

Text

chapter eighteen

masterlist link in blog description.

As a successful songwriter, you want nothing more than the acknowledgment that the chart-topping musical pieces are your own creations. But contracts, relationships, and the difficulty of facing the stakes involved head on, keep your mouth shut until pressure builds too much.

Pairing(s): Park Jimin x Y/N, Min Yoongi x Y/N

disclaimer: any characters depicted do not represent the actual personality of the respected idol in real life.

Series warning(s)/genre(s): Chapter-based written fic, Slow-burn relationship(s), Fake-dating, Unrequited love, Songwriter/producer!oc, idol!Jimin, idol/songwriter/producer!Yoongi, friends with benefits, drama, romance, smut, angst, fluff (updated as needed)

Chapter warning(s): physical confrontation as well as mob mentality in that there’s a small group verbally harassing OC in a scene; nothing gets too severe, but the repetitive badgering could make some uncomfortable. OC speaking her mind a lot.

Word count: 6057

if you enjoy please, please let me know!

On weekdays Namjoon’s cafe is generally flocked with business workers in the early morning. An inconspicuous assortment of people walking in only long enough for a to-go order to be acquired before they whisk back out the doors in their commute. With the constant flow and few amounts of people that sit down to chat and relax, you choose it as the location to meet with the leader of a girl group from SoundWave you were quite fond of.

Through a series of overly polite texts, she requested a chat to catch up, and you have a feeling there’s more to it than that. You stir your coffee with the straw, watching the ice go in a circle over and over, while contemplating what the other thing she wants to discuss is. There’s no reason for her to want to wake up before her schedule just to catch up, especially not when her group will start promotion for a comeback at the beginning of the next month.

You have an inkling of why she’s going out of her way, but a large part of you hopes to be wrong. You want to assume you left the artists you worked with with a better image than the one swarming around in your head due to sensitivity. If you’re wrong, it would make you happier, and if you are right you are not sure how you will take her opinion.

“Y/N,” Your head lifts as a voice comes from beside you. Brightly she smiles, removing sunglasses from her eyes and keeping her beret style hat secure on top of properly styled straight hair.

“Jihyo, it’s good to see you.” You can’t help a warm greeting in return, undeniably glad to see a familiar face that you’ve never had a problem with. If the people around the cafe were not rushing in and out so haphazardly, you would even take the moment to give her a hug, but an accumulation of increased awareness lately, causes you to simply gesture for her to follow along as you take your drink. “My friend’s the owner and said we could use this meeting room to talk.”

“This is the place you always brought drinks from then?” She comments as she walks in your trail, giving a sweet smile to Namjoon as the two of you pass him by.

“Yeah,” You nod your head, using the previously claimed key to open the doors. “His coffee’s my favorite. Maybe I’m biased though.”

“I’ll grab some on the way out. I’ve been missing it since you used to bring it for meetings.”

You fumble needlessly putting the keys securely in your pocket, nodding your head at her words as you switch the lights on. Recalling the people-- generally artists gives you a difficult time rationalizing your decision to walk away from the company. If it weren’t for how you were ignored for credit, you really would not have left. Even with Yerin in charge looming over everyone with her calculative manipulations, you could get over that because the coworkers you saw everyday made it endurable. Comfortable.

“I was actually kind of surprised to hear you wanted to meet up, to be honest with you.” You sit in one of the chairs surrounding the table. You leave your glass on the wood where you’re sure to forget it quickly. Jihyo sits a seat away on the same side, simply dragging it out to angle it towards you. “I doubt I’m a company favorite right now.”

“It’s pretty divided actually.” She admits, brushing back her hair from covering the faintest of smiles. “Empathizing or thinking you’re acting insane.”

You bite your lip. Which side of the line she stands on you’re sure to find out soon.

“No one expected the thing with Min Yoongi either,” She laughs slightly, without joy. Ironically. “Who would think he’d put himself out there like that-- get fired because of those songs.”

She doesn’t look at you as she speaks, so the discomfort slipping into your eyes is never seen. Like you expect from the employees of SoundWave, they all still view Yoongi distantly. Granted, his involvement in releasing music with you is still a shocking thing to consider as reality. Moments occur where you still worry if you’ve ruined something big for him, but his excitement about conceptualizing a new company of his own sets you at ease.

“Are you both dating now?”

You look up from your lap, finding Jihyo’s eyes to be tame and her lips curled in a giddy way. As though the conversation really is two people catching up without a more grand issue looming in the background. Accepting this moment of simplicity, you don’t stop your mouth from smiling in return. Your head nods in small, but quick jerks. Still new to telling, but you enjoy that you’re able to say,

“Yeah, we decided to become a couple almost two weeks ago.”

“That’s really cute.” Her words beam brightly like the little bop of her shoulders, finding this news nice. “He always seemed so hard to approach-- I think because of how popular he is, I guess.” She rambles along as her fingers push straying locks from her face. “Then again, I’m sure you both had things in common… Both of you being producers and songwriters and all that.”

Contrasting her initial endeared temperament, the reminder Jihyo’s final sentence seems to instill in the forefront of her mind causes her voice to drift into a quieter murmur. She stares towards your melting drink, a hand atop her thigh squeezing to cause wrinkles in the denim she wears.

Finding her remaining silent, you do nothing to fill in the gap with words. Instead, your eyes remain on her, realizing that Jihyo likely means to say whatever is pressuring her shoulders. Her mouth opens slowly, a word apparently clinging to her conscious and away from being said, but she manages to shove the thought out entirely,

“Are you going to tell everyone about everything you made at SoundWave?”

Your heartbeat feels like it rumbles for a short moment in your chest as she asks. The expression on your face remains poised, and you’re more surprised with yourself that you aren’t shocked by her question than you anticipated. Its presence in the air resembles, to you, a draft. You wish it wouldn’t be here, but you aren’t frustrated. Simply expected this.

Collecting your condensated glass into your hand, you take a languid sip, mulling over a reply to her. Frankly, you find yourself remaining in limbo on the topic. In some ways you want nothing more than to scream about all of your production in songwriting to everyone, but maybe you didn’t need to.

“It really,” Jihyo’s voice chips her phrasing like she isn’t sure whether to interrupt your processing, but she goes on. “Would be so bad for us-- us idols. We,” She stammers as you place the glass back on the table so casually, missing your furrowing eyebrows confused at her suddenly timid disposition, “We never wanted you or everyone to make everything for us, Y/N. So many of us want to make our own music. We didn’t want to take credit for everything you made-- you know my group especially didn’t.”

Your lips purse into a line, spine straightening slightly as her plead completes. Like your contract with SoundWave, every idol you are positive had clauses they should have reconsidered or questioned. Considering the chance of a lifetime in front of the people like Jihyo obviously they would overlook the idea that they would not produce their own music-- most likely satiated with the idea that after gaining experience they would be able to create as well.

You realize this. Undoubtedly, the majority of idols and groups did not ever want to claim your songs as their own, but had no choice other than to do so. Ever since the feeling of unfairness started springing within yourself to receive credit, this factor has prevented you from blindly going to the press with your story. You don’t want to ruin all of their careers.

“Jihyo,” You begin as your fingers curl atop the table, loosely forming a fist. “I don’t know if I’m going to tell anyone about it. I really want to, honestly, but-”

“You’ll ruin all of us!” Your lips clamp shut as she suddenly bursts out. “Y/N, I know it sucks for you-- I really do; but this isn’t about you. This is everyone’s careers!” Your hand tenses further as she groans, rubbing her face with her hands. “Don’t you know how many all-nighters, how many days-off, how much we-- I’ve given up to make it this far-”

“You’ve given up?” You say like a knife in her sentence. Your eyes narrow as Jihyo looks at you with startled confusion at your interruption, her hands pausing from rubbing her neck. “Jihyo, regardless of if I was involved, your schedule was always going to be that harsh as an idol.” Her mouth peeks open uncertainly, but you speak on, “Do you know how many things I’ve given up too? You’re not the only one who pulls all-nighters, and gives up personal time, but at least when you give it up you get rewarded with people knowing who you are, meanwhile I get to watch them all think all the work I put into everything was something you did-- what all of you get to claim you did.”

“I know, but-”

“You never even stood up for me.” Jihyo’s eyes widen as though she can see the betrayal of your statement-- the unhidden spite firing in your irises. “None of you ever tried to change anything. You say you never wanted to do any of it, but you all aren’t ever going to try and change it, are you? Watching me get shut down each time was answer enough.”

“Why should I have to fight for any change?” She shoves her words out in haste, appearing defensive as her arms cross. “If you hadn’t noticed, it won’t work. We all get our careers thrown away if everyone were to find out.”

“Because it’s wrong!” Your words loudly propel you forward, leaning towards Jihyo in your seat as she shifts back into hers. “You know it’s wrong! You’re all lying to everyone and letting me be the dirty secret of the fucking company and I’m just supposed to accept it? I’m just supposed to start over from nothing all because none of you have any kind of guts to admit that I’m the one who made your chart-toppers!”

Concern runs rampant in Jihyo’s eyes, mouth remaining gaped as you stare at her with even, full breaths heaving in your chest. Clamping her lips together, she glances towards your drink for no reason other than to avoid your lingering eyes that blister every nerve of guilt swarming in her mind. Shoulders tensing when she listens to you scoff, she wills herself to remain silent from timid retorts as you speak up once more in a voice barely louder than the sound of the clock on the wall.

“Why is it that I’m the only one ever asked to suffer in silence?”

Jihyo blinks her eyes tightly together, building a wall out of every ounce of strength to refrain from the hollow apologies that she realizes would do nothing for you. All she can do is stay in her bubble, presented on the stage with her members as the image given to them by SoundWave. The liberty you explain a desire for isn’t something she can take hold of, especially if her group’s reputation is smashed to pieces by what you could say to clear your name.

“Y/N, I know it’s never been fair of anyone to use you like this-- to always erase your name from everything you’ve created.” Her voice drips frailty off of words intended to appear sound with reason. Composure is lost on her and you can see it as she talks without reaffirming eye contact. You acknowledge the weight in her throat likely at odds with what she feels convicted to ask of you as well, and it makes you feel sorry for her. “But SoundWave isn’t going to do this anymore-- they’re going to let us write our own music now and credit properly, so it’s over at least.”

Your heart drops like a weight towards the ground, eyes instinctively narrowing at her words. Within moments you feel a tremble ricochet throughout your shoulders, and when Jihyo finally tests a tiny look in your direction you know your reaction is not the one she wished for.

“What-” You stutter out the words, shocked beyond belief that a switch in the company had been so simply flipped. She’s able to tell you this so lightly as if the decision came with ease following your leave. “I,” A ball in your throat feels made of metal, scraping your words into fury as you speak slowly, “That was all I ever wanted from them, and they do that now. They do that after I quit.”

“Y/N-” You stand up cutting off Jihyo’s statement before it begins. Shaking your head, you let out a single breathy laugh as your hands clench at your sides,

“I can’t believe this.” You mutter and start an exit from the room, ignoring the clattering on wooden floors behind you as Jihyo stands up.

“Wait, where are you going?” She asks without the sound of footsteps under her words, and you don’t care to look back as you reply simply,

“Away from here. I can’t take listening to this crap anymore, Jihyo.”

Without missing a beat, you pull open the door and exit back into the main cafe space. Remnants of the morning rush cause a small line to linger along with busy employees completing their tasks. Namjoon catches sight of you as you walk along, but doesn’t attempt any wave of goodbye as he notes the contortion in your eyebrows as you quickly mash keys on your phone. He only bites his lip and continues filling paper cups full of hot coffee.

You have no hesitation in turning left down the street to walk northwards, but no destination is in mind as you do so. All you do is exhale a sigh to release some of the frustration while the repetition of a dial tone vibrates in your eardrum.

“Hello?” Yoongi’s voice rings clear on the other side of the line along with the clicking tone of a car blinker.

“Hey,” You say in response, crossing your free arm so that your hand can squeeze the opposite elbow. “Were you busy?”

“No, just on the way to pick you up from the cafe actually.” He says easily as you nod your head gently. Walking slowly upwards on the sidewalk you have little time to tell him a new location before Yoongi’s voice gently inquires, “How’d it go?”

“Bad.” You say as the news stings like a dagger in your mind. Huffing, you shake your head, “SoundWave’s going to start letting them all make their own music. Credit properly.”

“What?” Yoongi’s voice sounds baffled and you can imagine his neck tensing rigidly with lips frowning at the implication of your words. You nod your head despite him being unable to see you.

“Right? After all the shit they said about it never being possible for me.” Yoongi listens to the frailty of your words, realizing that this news must hurt you so much to have heard. He bites his lips, hands gripping tighter on the steering wheel as he turns a corner,

“I’m so sorry, angel. I should be there in a few minutes and we can go somewhere to talk about it-”

Yoongi’s voice falters away from your ear due to a swift grip on the back of the arm holding the phone. Instinctively, you pull your arm towards yourself as you take a step away from whoever grabbed you. The sole of your shoe presses flat on the concrete as you turn, facing the face of someone you’ve never seen before in your life.

As words scurry around your head in confusion, you say nothing as you take in the appearance of the girl about your height, then your shoulders tense as movement behind her gives reason to look to another. As your focus collects itself you see more than just the two people, but another onlooker further beyond them as well as a person to your side that startles you as she calls out your name.

“What?” You find yourself responding to her call, another step away from the small semicircle they form around you.

“Why are you using Yoongi-” “You got him fired-” “Use your own talent to get a career-” “I bet you didn’t even do anything on those songs. You just want the clout-”

Between the five people, you can’t distinguish whose words belong to you. Continuing rampantly in bursts of ignorant anger towards you, they simply persist onwards. Without giving you any opportunity to defend yourself, all the voices overwhelm your nervous throat and wildly scanning eyes. You take another step away when one becomes particularly enraged as she speaks loudly and her hand reaches out.

Your hand smacks hers away before it can make contact with your shirt, definitively colliding with her skin to make a loud sound that seems to reverberate throughout the avenue. The quiet ensuing is wholly false, but you find it impossible to actually hear anything from them as their reaction consists of even louder yelling at you. Any lips you take a look at are moving and no one reaches again, but you know they want to force their opinions on you with the fury at which they speak.

And all the words you’re able to visualize assert your disgracefulness. In different ways, with strong enunciations you simply are the target of their blame. Everything they don’t know about behind the scenes of all the trouble you’re finally escaping from, they frustratingly paint you as the perpetuator. The reason that all is wrong. “You’re lying to get attention-”

“None of you even know anything!”

Your voice breaks their flow of thundering rage, silencing them entirely by the brutal and unforgiving confidence of your frustrated exclamation. Just like that they’re startled. The fuel of adrenalin leaves them to course through you as you glare in response to their actions. You reaffirm, “Quit blaming me when you don’t know even a percent of what I do!”

One towards the back of the group glances uncertainly at the others, and the one whose hand you hit away takes a step back. Like they didn’t expect you to speak against them. Your hands clench tightly as you remain erect in posture. Eyeing each of them, you find it almost impossible to stop yourself from blurting out every secret you’re obligated to keep for everyone else except yourself.

“What does that even mean?” A guy pushes the girl at the front of the pack aside, storming in your direction but stopping short of contact as you do nothing to evade him. Instead his shoulders shake from your consistent glare that he felt tense in front of. “You’re causing all the trouble!” He manages to fumble out anyways as he works up the nerve to take another step with his arm rising as well, making you begin to move back.

Before contact ever occurs, his wrist becomes clenched within the hand of Yoongi as he steps in between the two of you. A shiver in your spine nearly shakes your knees to a buckle as the sight of his back shielding you releases a wave of worry building in your head.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Yoongi asks lowly, simply throwing down the arm he took hold of as his eyes freeze the man. Disbelieving calls of his name from the small crowd mumble and gasp, clearly overtaken by just the sight of him. “What were you going to do?”

“Yoongi-” You reach both of your hands to clasp onto one of his biceps as he tries to step closer to them. “Let’s go,” His head shifts to look back at you, dark irises tinted with immense irritation from what he just walked up to. You shake your head as you consider what could go on if you both remain, and your fingertips tremble on his skin.“Please. I don’t want you to do this.”

Yoongi turns towards you, maneuvering his arm as your hands fall away so that he can press a guiding hand to your back. He looks back towards the group as you both only take a few steps. Ignoring the cling of your hand on his chest to continue him along, he speaks up with conviction, “If I find your names, I’ll report this.”

He takes no heed of their instant rebuttals as they call feebly out to the pair of you as you walk along. Instead, Yoongi drops his hand from your back to take hold of yours as he believes you’d prefer. Finding your fingers quickly intertwining with his own, Yoongi sighs, squeezing as the severity of what you leave behind catches up with him.

“Did any of them hurt you?” He asks the moment he enters into the driver’s seat of the car. The door slams beside him and your head shakes as you fumble with the seatbelt to get it latched. “Angel,” He shifts towards you, delicately cupping your cheek as your body freezes in response. “Are you okay?”

Seeing Yoongi’s eyes searching through your own for any of the discomfort you should feel is soothing. His palm warms your skin and in that moment you relish in the sensation despite the heat that remains in the air of early fall. The breath in your chest escapes through your lips, and Yoongi’s thumb twitches worriedly against your cheek.

“Yeah.” You nod slowly, overlapping his larger appendage with your own freely allowing yours to grip softly. “Honestly, I am.”

Yoongi doesn’t completely believe your words, if only because he can’t imagine how terrifying being so arbitrarily surrounded is. He bites his lip, head tilting as though to ask again.

“Nothing really bad happened.” You say shrugging your shoulder, and glancing downwards. “And everything they were mad about is completely stupid-- they shouldn’t have done any of that.” The hand you left atop his own, strays to glide slowly up his wrist and resituated on his forearm, gently guiding him from cupping your cheek so that you can return to holding his hand. “They really don’t know anything.”

“That doesn’t give them the right to act like that, angel.” Yoongi’s hand engulfs yours while he talks, prompting your eyes back up to his. You nod your head, entirely in agreement. The sight causes Yoongi’s brow to furrow slightly.

“Can you drive me to SoundWave?”

“What?” He blurts out on impulse, frowning more from bewilderment than anything else. “What for?”

“I want to talk to Yerin.” You say simply, as the reasonings those people threw at you return to your mind, as well as the worries of Jihyo that brought her to plead with you for the sake of her career, and the voice ripped away from Jimin petrifying him from ever expressing his thoughts to you until it was far too late.

Yoongi’s mouth opens to speak, but he stops from doing so. Your eyes give him the answer before he has to vocalize the question. Instead a small chuckle escapes him more similarly to a grainy breath. “Okay.”

Within the confines of the elevator, Yoongi stares up at the growing number as you both go higher up the building. Between your bodies he starts a tiny sway of your held hands, while he squints in thought before finally speaking,

“Not that I think you’re wrong to go and talk to her, but do you think it’s going to do anything?” He recalls his own efforts of very early on in the merger that subliminally requested a change of his image to represent something closer to himself. Just like the rest of the employees who try to escape the confines of narrowly set paths, Yoongi too was swiftly rejected in few words with only an explanation of there being no need to change something that works.

“Who knows.” You say not realizing until your voice comes out that despite the mellow timbre that there’s a hint of timidness as well. Yerin has always been the greatest shadow in your mind for years now. Someone you’ve never been able to stand across from and feel equal with because of her subdued confidence that showered her veil of control over the entire company. “I don’t think I care if it does anything. I’m just over this.”

“Should I wait out here?” Yoongi asks as you both step out of the opening doors. He ignores the obvious shock in his peripherals from the secretary that likely has no way to gauge how to handle your presence in the room. Everything on Yoongi’s side is practically settled, and you have simply been a former employee for weeks now; not supposed to be returning so high up in the building.

“No,” You squeeze tighter on his hand, turning your head to look up at him as you remain paces from the secretary’s desk. You speak quietly. “I don’t think you’ll have to say anything, but having you there would feel better.” You frown as you think that it may sound selfish to have dragged Yoongi along this far only to tell him he won’t actually do much. “You’re comforting for me…”

“Then I’ll go in with you, sweetie.” Yoongi says before gently pressing a tiny kiss to your temple, as you squeeze his hand bashfully. “I’ll cheer you on-- you can give me inspiration for a diss track-”

“Stop.” You smile, bumping your hip against Yoongi and continue the walk to the desk with him trailing alongside you.

Satisfied slightly that he could at least break away some nerves, Yoongi takes in a larger inhale than usual. Frankly he’s unsure of what you plan to say to Yerin, but considering all of the grief instilled on you so far from her, Yoongi doesn’t doubt it could be definitive. If you find closure from this, then he’ll be content with this choice of a blindsiding meeting, but he can’t help worrying that some emotions could create words inciting angry retribution on the side of SoundWave.

Your collected demeanor as you speak to the secretary, along with the full way you stand with shoulders straight and each leg stood with no slouch gives Yoongi something to relax about. When he thinks about one of the first times he interacted with you, an evident difference in your assurance exists. Where you had bumped into him escaping a meeting room, you’re now choosing to cut into any current schedule to speak to Yerin following the public reaction she’s passively caused.

Steadily, you enter into her office only minutes later, never needing to bother with waiting in a seat. Yoongi follows after you simply standing closer to the door while he watches you stride towards the desk. Yerin sits with relaxed posture, though her eyes go from Yoongi to you with perplexity.

“Should I have the lawyer present for whatever you want to talk to me about?” She asks instead of greeting, letting her forearms rest on the wood before her.

“Doubt it.” You say, not taking a moment in your head to consider where to begin. Everything you would like to exclaim to her flutters violently around, so much so you believe her narrowing eyes to be preparing herself for the eventual explosion. You want nothing more than to get a genuine apology to fall from her lips along with admittance that she was wrong to do everything to you that she has, but your calm heartbeat reminds you of the impossibility of that route.

You know she wouldn’t loosen her stubborn tongue to admit anything of the sorts. You could even assume she has no regrets so far. Watching our reputation’s stature diminish for years is nothing but a casualty in her calculations. Needless to fret about it when the product of your fingers has given so much acclaim to the company. All Yerin’s allowed happen is a choice made to receive the most lucrative result. Whatever happened to you is of little consequence.

“Did you ever think what you did to me was wrong?”

Your question’s candor rings softly in the room. Not timid, but somehow resigned. Almost like a test, Yerin believes as she continues to stare towards you without so much as a waver in emotion from the depth of the question.

“You agreed to it.”

“As a twenty-year-old worried about paying back my college.” You swiftly insert the context, shaking your head so as to not let Yerin detract from the severity of her contract in your life. “You know how much of an incentive working at a company like this would have been to anyone in my position. Any student, or young adult just starting out. You used it against me.”

“You could have walked away.” Yerin reaffirms before sighing as she sits back in her seat. “Considering all of that about yourself back then, what would you expect a company to do for you? That was your chance back then to start in the career you want. Everyone starts small; why would there be an exception for you?”

“You came to me.” You say with an even voice. Yerin’s hand curls on the table, visually reacting slightly. “I submitted songs for a contest, but you came to me with a contract. I didn’t see anyone else getting contracts back then,” You cross your arms and your head tilts with your blunt conclusion. “You saw enough in me to seek out a long-term job, and you didn’t want me to leave when I didn’t re-sign. You can’t try to convince me otherwise of that.”

“Of course I didn’t.” She says with a scoff. “I don’t deny you’re talented-”

“But you denied me from showing everyone else that!” You assert as your arms gesture to emphasize your frustration. “In some ways, I could understand you not giving me credit as a new rookie at this job, but I worked here for five years. I have nothing to show for it anywhere because you wanted me to be stuck here for the rest of my career, and you know what? I probably would’ve stayed for a long time if you would have just given me the damn credit that I deserved!”

Yerin remains quiet as you pause to take a breath and collect yourself from the startling rant. Her jaw tightens along with her fisting hands on the desk and shockingly to you, she averts her gaze to the side. Swallowing down any nerves, you go on without remorse as you attempt to hit every point you can,

“Now I hear you’re going to let the idols produce, and give all the songwriters proper credit. Everything you did to me is going to just be me, huh? You won’t do it again because you know it’s wrong-- you know whoever you trap is going to end up wanting out just like me and you’re not willing to take any chances on this perfect company image getting messed up by some songwriter, isn’t that right?”

“Y/N, I’m not the only person in charge of these decisions. There’s a board. You know that.” Yerin says at a low volume. She still looks from you towards a window overlooking the city that you doubt she’s focusing on. She’s in the wrong. She knows it and you can see her silently admitting it whether she wants to or not. But no responsibility claimed.

“When Jimin, Jihyo, and all the other idols here wouldn’t take my side it was because you’re in charge of the decisions.” You say before scoffing, watching her flinch from the sound and turn to finally face you. “When I come up here to talk to you about it, you say it’s because of the board. It’s always someone else’s fault that I couldn’t be helped. You’re the CEO. If you knew this was wrong, you should’ve said something. It’s your job to look out for the company, but it’s also your job not to be spineless and pass blame around.”

Yerin’s eyes widen at the end of your composed speech. Standing up with intent to challenge your words, she opens her mouth with a glower aiming at you, but freezes as your eyes narrow and you take a step forward to stop just short of her desk,

“I just practically got attacked before I came here because people think I ruined a career just by having my name in the credits of his songs.” You coat your words with convicted resentment. “All of my friends are begging me to stay quiet because their careers could be ruined by me saying I wrote so much of their music. I wouldn’t have to be everyone’s enemy-- I wouldn’t be hated by so many people right now if you hadn’t forced everyone in this company to lie in the first place. Everyone wants me to be quiet right now because all the lying is supposed to stop? I’m supposed to be the scapegoat for this company and be the only one to receive all of the infamy for your unethical crap? That’s not going to happen.”

“What?” Yerin’s voice stutters a shocked response on impulse. Her fingers drag against the wood of the desk, evidently nervous by the implications. “You can’t mention anything about your job here, Y/N. That’s in the agreement.”

“Remove the non-disclosure clause.”

Yerin scoffs in pure disbelief, looking past you to Yoongi as he simply remains a spectator. Clearly unprepared for all that you’ve said thus far, but doing nothing to stop you from continuing. She shakes her head as her eyes come back to you. “I’m not doing that.”

“Then don’t. I’m still telling the press.” You say simply as a shoulder shrugs, and you loosely cross your arm.

“You’ll,” Yerin pauses when she realizes her heartbeats acceleration. “You’ll lose all your royalties. We’ll sue you.”

“Sue me then.” You nod your head once, completely unwavering as you just shrug again. “Really. I’ll just drag the suit out. Let you all show your true colors to the public and then we’ll see if you think it’s worth it to get involved in your fail-safe plan when everyone still realizes how much SoundWave has forced its employees to shut up and lie about.”

The brief wave of silence as you finish feels uplifting on your shoulders. Yerin only looks on at you with indication that she doesn’t know what to say to convince you otherwise. You don’t allow her to dwell, simply dropping your arms from their crossed position over your front.

“You made your choice.” You turn on your heel to start a path towards Yoongi, sparing a glance back towards Yerin as she calls out,

“You shouldn’t do this, Y/N! You’re trying to get back at me, but you’re just going to ruin everyone at this company-”

“I’m not trying to get back at you.” You turn to her as Yoongi opens up the door. “I’m not responsible for this anymore. This isn’t my fault. It was always your fault from the moment you made me sign that contract and never planned to change your ways.”

Without another word spoken you leave the room behind Yoongi, feeling absent of regret and restraint in your throat. As though lighter on your feet you exit the company and with it abandoning all of the fear it has instilled on you for years. No plan of avoidance lingers in your head to save face for the greed of SoundWave’s sake, and even though you’re still unsure of coming days, you don’t feel wrapped in deceit.

Upcoming seasonal winds will begin and you have no doubt the frail veil remaining on your image will drift away into the past as you walk into new days.

if you enjoy please, please let me know via ask, comment, rb with tags– however ! i’d just really appreciate feedback 🥺 i hope you enjoy the series, i’m working really hard on it! : )

tag list (send an ask to be added): @jaiuneamesolitaiire @tsvkino-usagi@xionysus @baebyjoonie @honeyoongles @betysotelo18

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amandaoftherosemire · 5 years

Text

Lightning Strikes Part Five

Fandom: Marvel Avengers AU

Pairing: Thor Odinson X Reader

Characters: Thor Odinson, Loki Odinson, Bucky Barnes

Author: @amandaoftherosemire

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 5,280

Format: Series (Complete)

Warning: Language.

Summary: You spend time with Loki.

A/N: The first couple parts of this was written a while ago for @buckysforeverprincess 500 Follower Writing Prompt Challenge. Not consistent with Marvel canon. I have willfully and deliberately ignored the events of Infinity War. The Statesman made it to Earth after a largely uneventful journey and everyone is FINE. The only thing I’ve taken from Infinity War is Stormbreaker because it’s cool as hell.

I want to thank everyone who sticks with my fics since I’m terrible at updating regularly. I also want to thank everyone who leaves feedback or sends me messages about them. It really does encourage me to write. I might not have stuck with this if someone hadn’t dropped me an ask about it. This seems to be only true for me, but I have no problem with being asked when I’m going to update as long as you’re not a dick about it. 😄

This one took me some time until I stopped trying to make Loki do anything. It sounds weird but after a while I started thinking the real thing was fucking with me for daring to think I was in charge.

Part Four: Idolatry here

Antithesis

Several weeks later you sat at your desk in your office at the compound and tried with all your might to focus on one of the worst parts of your job. Full of legalese that proved to you beyond a shadow of a doubt that half the lawyers in the world only existed because the other half did, you were knee-deep in some bullshit. Reading documents like this was literally your least favorite part of the job description.

And it certainly didn't help that the author of the document was a member of the legal department with whom you were unfortunately familiar. You'd made it a point to not drink that heavily at office events since. The man may have been hot, but he was also an arrogant, pretentious fuckrag.

You couldn't help but be preoccupied. The Odinson brothers were driving you to distraction, though for very different reasons. You were running on fumes at this point, but you didn't know how to stop. Between the two, you were only getting a few hours of sleep a night even if it was only in making up missed work. Neither man was very good with the concept of deadlines or limited amounts of time, though Loki was the far worse of the two. You imagined you could thank Thor's time living on Earth, not to mention his sweet nature, for his greater consideration.

Thor. When he was there, he was quite possibly perfect. Funny and good natured, he was a joy to be around the vast majority of the time. Most of the time you spent together he seemed determined to wring everything he could get out of every minute with you. It was delightfully intense, because it wasn't just sex. Honestly, you'd have preferred it if it was, because he was sweet, and charming, and scarily intelligent, and you were terrified you were falling head over heels in love with him.

When he was there, he was the perfect companion, attentive without being overbearing, energetic without being exhausting, sweet without being cloying. He was also one of the most interesting men you'd ever met, a veritable fount of knowledge with an easy willingness to impart it. He had great stories, and a somewhat dramatic way of telling them. On top of that, he was a great listener, eager to learn everything you'd tell him about yourself, your life, your world. You'd yet to spend a boring minute in his presence.

When he was there, he made you feel like no one ever had before, like you were glowing from the inside out. He didn't just make you feel special, he seemed to think you were remarkable, as though he'd never even imagined someone like you. Aside from his myriad attractions, the outrageous body, the dreamy smile, the sweet and generous nature, that wonder at the reality of you would have been irresistible on its own. He sometimes had a look in his eye like he couldn't believe you were real. The idea that someone as extraordinary as Thor, considering where he'd come from and all that he'd seen, could find you not only astonishing, but delightfully so, was captivating.

When he was there, he couldn't seem to keep his hands off you, as though he thought you the sexiest woman on the planet. Not only was he ready, willing, and eager to go to bed whenever and wherever, he'd happily spend all day at it if you'd let him. To your amused chagrin, you'd now had sex in any number of rooms in the compound that you'd never even set foot in before. He was an utter hedonist, deeply sensual, basely sexual, and without an ounce of shame in his entire gorgeous body. Being his lover was both exhilarating and exhausting.

When he was there, you forgot all the reasons you should not fall in love with Thor Odinson. When he was there, you couldn't think about anything but the fact that you were happier with him than you'd ever been before. When he was there, you let tomorrow worry about itself and lived in the moment.

As he made every moment a shimmering jewel, as every moment dazzled you, seduced you, destroyed you, it was dangerously easy to lose yourself in him. When he was there.

That was the thing, though. He most often was NOT there.

Which you got. And not in that bullshit way where you say you get it, but you're only saying it because you know you're supposed to. You actually got it. You knew Thor had more than you could imagine on his plate; busy didn't begin to describe it. That he took the time he did to spend with you wasn't just flattering, it had the romantic corner of your heart sighing dreamily.

Unfortunately, when Thor wasn't there, which was most of the time, you were entirely too aware of how doomed your relationship with him truly was. Whether you looked at the differences in your circumstances, the distance between your homes, or the insanity of your lives, there was no way this could possibly work long term; you were sure of it. When you added in the fact that he was a king, a god, a hero, it was just getting ridiculous.

Lastly, there was the terrible thought you'd had once in the middle of the night that you never let yourself think again but that sat in the back of your brain like a goblin, snickering and waiting for its chance to start gnawing on your mind. You'd first thought of it when you were once again alone; Thor had left the afternoon before and your bed was suddenly depressingly cold and lonely. After hours of sleepless worry about all the other things bound to go wrong, you'd had a thought so awful, of an obstacle so insurmountable, you'd immediately wrapped it in layers of oh hell no and stuffed in the darkest corner in the smallest, darkest closet of your mind. If you didn't think of it, you could allow yourself to enjoy this glorious fantasy until something else destroyed the dream.

You'd had the thought because of Loki, actually. Not because of something he'd deliberately pointed out, but an offhand comment regarding something that happened when he and Thor had been children. The story had been funny, and Loki had a way of drawing you in, but a tiny detail had stuck inside your mind like a bur. That detail chafed, keeping your brain scratching at it until you came to the realization that ruined your hopes and broke your heart. Like an oyster with a grain of sand, you'd started covering that thought in layers until your mind could glide over it easily without any scraping or stumbling.

Loki, on the other hand, was always there, both when you wanted him and not. He acted as though he had decided you were the only person in the compound he could stand for more than a few minutes. You suspected he liked plenty of people way more than he let on, but he seemed devoted to his persona of smug superiority. Unfortunately, this meant when Loki got bored, he came looking for you. Being forced to behave himself and stay in the compound did not amuse or entertain him so he came looking for you a lot. As a matter of fact, he came looking for you all. the damn. time.

You adored Loki, truly. It wasn't that you objected to spending time with him. It was that you could not make him care about the fact that you had other things to do. He had no qualms about interrupting your workday, no matter how many times you asked him not to, leading to plenty of afterhours catch-up. He thought most of what you did was stupid, so he didn't give two shits about getting in the way of it. It was strangely admirable, his dedication to not giving a fuck.

The problem was that Loki didn't cause as much trouble when you were catering to his whims and dancing attendance upon him. To be fair, Loki didn't really cause trouble; it was more that he subtly arranged circumstances in favor of the most dramatic or disastrous outcome. He loved to sit back and watch fireworks he'd personally arranged. When you'd confided your difficulties in Pepper, she had assured you that time spent placating Loki would be considered work time if for no other reason than that it gave everyone else a break. At her direction, you had been spending most of your time at the compound to make it easier for you to tend to him and make the team members' lives a little easier while Loki was in residence.

Which is how you knew, when he strode into your office with an air of impatience, you'd be giving in to his whims after a sham refusal you'd enact purely for form.

"I’m bored." Loki burst into the room the way he did everything, with an arrogance that bordered on contempt. Perhaps it was a sign of something wrong with you, but Loki's attitude, rather than offending you, perfectly tickled the perverse part of your sense of humor.

You didn't even look up from your paperwork. You were entirely too familiar with this tune to do more than absently bob your head along with the beat. You scoffed. "I care."

Loki stared holes in the top of your head, not that it ever seemed to bother you. But then you often reacted in unexpected ways. Is that why he kept scratching at you? If he could understand you, predict your behavior, would you finally bore him as much as most humans? "Why, exactly, do you do this?" he asked, as he settled into one of the chairs in front of your desk.

"No, it’s fine." You rolled your eyes but kept your eyes off Loki. You knew from experience that once you looked at him, he would consider the acknowledgement as validation and you'd spend the rest of the day answering his questions. "I’m not trying to parse legalese right now or anything."

Loki stayed silent. He refused to repeat himself. Also, he'd noticed that his silence seemed to exasperate you faster than anything else. He examined his cuticles while he waited for the quiet to do its work.

For a while, the only sound in the room was the brush of fabric as either of you shifted position and the whisper of each turn of the page. You often printed legalese like this out so that you could mark on it without the risk of sending something like 'who the fuck does this asshole think he is?' to the asshole in question. You vowed to keep doing it, if for no other reason than that it was so much more dramatic than rolling a scroll button on a mouse.

You could tell by the quality of the hush that settled over the room that Loki was in one of his more difficult moods, meaning that he would only get more and more petulant the longer you put him off. Though you hated to do it as a matter of principle, you knew giving in would cost you far less time and annoyance than pretending to allow him to irritate you into paying attention to him. The pragmatist in you would not allow you to stand on principle when there was no benefit to you other than self-righteousness.

You gave an exaggerated sigh as marked your place in the document with a quickly scrawled LNA, your code for Loki Needs Attention and the current time. Pepper had asked you to keep track of how much time you were spending dancing attention on the Asgardian prince, though you didn’t include the time you gave on your off-hours.

You placed the document into a file folder, closing it carefully and placing your interlaced fingers on top as you made it clear you were focusing on Loki under protest and with utmost exasperation. "Why do I do what?"

Loki smiled inwardly even as his face moved into a sneer. "This!" He swept his arm out to take in the room they sat in. "Labor for these people?"

"Okay." You infused as much doubt as you could into the word. You looked around at your very nice office and decided not to ask what exactly he found so distasteful. "Two reasons. First, I love the things money can buy, like food and shelter and liquor. Second, because I’m fucking awesome at it. We done?" You lifted your eyebrows at him in the kind of bored disdain you knew he'd find most challenging, and thus most entertaining.

Loki matched your tone as he stood to wander the room and examine the furnishings. He did this every time. "I’d ask what you do in here, but frankly I don’t care."

You shot him a toothy grin and a beam of sarcastic cheer. "Great. Bye."

Loki didn't deign to answer this time. He knew he had you now. He could almost hear your mind rationalizing the decision to simply give in and give him what he wanted. In his experience, it was always best to let people manipulate themselves. He meandered over to the bookshelves, as he often did, where you had books and photographs taking up most of one long wall. Some of the books were work related, but plenty were from your personal collection.

Every time he came into this room, he liked to take a different book down from the shelf and skim through it. Your preferred reading material told him a great deal about you. Loki needed to understand you if he was to accurately assess the situation. He also liked to examine a different photo in the hopes of deciphering why you smiled like a lunatic in every picture you were in. He suspected it was something to hide behind, similar to his own superior smirk.

Loki eyes slid over the titles, looking for anything somewhat interesting that he hadn't already tried. He found human society largely boring if not aggravating, but he couldn't help but enjoy the art. He considered it mostly primitive, but with a raw energy that made it compelling. The depth and breadth of human art was the most impressive thing about the species, he thought. Not that that was saying much.

You were already bored watching him amble around your office. "Oh my god! You win; I don’t want to fight." Loki turned away from the bookcase with a smug smile. You laughed as soon as you saw it and rolled your eyes indulgently. "I’ll make you a deal. Give me an hour to take care of the most pressing matters, and at the end of that hour, I will set everything else aside to cater to your whims and find something to entertain you." You leveled a wryly amused look his way; you were both convinced you were outwitting the other but if you were honest the two of you just liked the drama of it.

Loki's face spread in a wickedly pleased smile and you couldn't help the little twinge of attraction that shimmered through you. Hell, you were faithful, not dead. Fairly gloating, Loki turned to leave. "I’ll be back in an hour."

"Outstanding,” you replied with a thin smile.

As Loki opened the door, Bucky was raising his fist to knock on it. The two men glared at one another for a moment before Bucky rolled his eyes and stepped back, sweeping his arm out in a mockery of gallantry. Loki sneered but walked by without comment.

"Hey, doll." Once Loki was out of the way, Bucky poked his head through the door. "You got a minute?"

You replied with a flirty smile and batted eyelashes. "For you? Always." Bucky smiled sweetly as he came in and shut the door. He looked a little uncomfortable as he took the seat Loki had recently vacated. "Uh-oh," you said with widened eyes and raised brows. "Is everything okay?"

"I don't know. Is it?" Bucky was still looking a little uncomfortable, but his eyes shone with concern. You were baffled.

You looked around, your expression serious but a touch confused. "Is this a riddle?"

Bucky's face softened into a smile. "I don't see you anymore; I miss you." He leaned forward and placed his hand palm up on your desk. "If Thor isn't here, Loki is monopolizing your time."

"You have no idea," you replied with a laugh as you leaned forward to place your hand in his. You squeezed gently and would have let go if he hadn’t held on. You frowned and tilted your head. “What?”

Bucky didn’t smile, and you realized that whatever this was, he was serious. “I'm worried,” he confessed, and you could tell he was concerned that he was crossing a line. This was new territory in your friendship and such things always caused Bucky a ton of anxiety.

You felt a pang of remorse that you’d forgotten about your other friends when the Odinson brothers had come into your life. Bucky was incredibly dear to you and you knew how difficult he sometimes found living at the compound. He'd once confessed that half the time the only thing keeping him there was Steve. You sometimes suspected he relied upon your company a great deal as well, not that he'd ever said anything. You couldn't help but feel guilty for being so distracted.

Bucky let go of your hand when you stood up and walked around the desk to sit in the chair next to his. You leaned back casually and crossed your legs, hoping to make it clear by your demeanor that you did not consider the subject off-limits or over the line. “About Thor?” you inquired with a sassy smirk. “Or Loki?”

“Truth be told, both,” Bucky replied with a wry laugh, “but Loki is the more immediate threat.”

"Well, love, I have good news and bad news." You leaned your elbow on the chair arm and placed your chin on your fist. "The bad news is that Loki would drive you all mad if I didn't keep him somewhat occupied. The good news is that he's not a threat, just a pain in my ass." You dropped your hand to Bucky's forearm and squeezed gently. "I know you don't understand this, but I like Loki.'

Bucky looked down at your hand, surprised to find that it didn't bother him that you were touching his metal arm. Perhaps it was because you hadn't seemed to notice. "Why?" he asked, his voice rich with a wealth of confusion, doubt, and amused disbelief.

You laughed and used the hand on his arm to push at him. "I like smartasses. Why do you think I'm madly in love with you?"

"Fine," Bucky smiled, but his eyes still looked worried. “Just promise me that you won't make the mistake of trusting him.”

“I'll thank you to not insult my intelligence,” you scoffed in reply. When Bucky didn’t answer, just continued to watch you carefully, you rolled your eyes and answered with a wry half-smile. “Oh my god, I promise.”

“Good.” Bucky relaxed into the chair with a wicked grin. “Now, you wanna tell me everything about Thor?”

Your expression turned sly as you shot a matching grin his way. “How much time you got?”

A few days later your office door flew inward with a slam as Loki’s voice rang out. “Y/N!”

You, once again, did not bother to look up from your work. “Sure. Come on in. I'm not quite obviously terribly awfully busy or anything.”

“I don't even know what odd human things you do in here, let alone why it matters.” Loki moved to the other side of the desk and looked down his nose at you from his towering height.

You shrugged and murmured absently, “Since you're asking—"

“I most certainly am not.” Loki cut you off with a sneer.

You finally looked up at Loki, blinking to bring yourself back to the present. “Did you come in here for an actual reason, or did you just need someone to pay attention to you?”

“How is that not an actual reason?” His lips twitched ever so slightly, something you'd learned was one of his tells. He was in one of his playful moods, which was surprising considering how put out he had been the day before when you'd opted to spend your evening with Steve and Bucky. Loki had hidden it well, but he'd been irritated under the disdain when he refused to join you.

The corner of your mouth curled up just a hair as you responded. "Loki, to your astonishment I’m sure, catering to your moods is not actually in my job description."

Loki, ever mercurial, turned away from you to walk to your bookshelves. "If you’re certain you don’t have any time for me; I suppose I can amuse myself."

"I know that’s meant to send a chill down my spine." Your voice was dry as dust, but the genuine amusement came through loud and clear. "And it does, but it is not the policy of this office to negotiate with terrorists.”

"Pet," Loki's voice had taken on a strange timbre when he said the word, and it sent a literal shiver down your spine, but whether it was fear or desire you weren't entirely sure. "I’d much rather annoy you than someone else. The others aren’t as much fun."

You opted to put the sensation out of your mind. If it was fear there was little good dwelling on it would do for you. If it was desire, dwelling on it would most definitely make things worse. You answered as though his voice hadn't taken on an almost seductive tone. "If you will behave yourself for the rest of the morning, I’ll take a long lunch and give you my undivided attention the whole time. Deal?"

Loki smiled.

After you'd eaten a quick lunch, you drug Loki outside to enjoy the sunshine. Once you'd flopped down onto the grass and braced yourself on your elbows to tilt your face to the sun, you slanted a raised eyebrow in his direction. "Okay, spill. What’s your deal?"

You had your eyes closed against the light, but you could hear the sneer on his face loud and clear. "I beg your pardon?"

"Loki," you began and there was a wealth of patience in your tone. You opened one eye to fix him with a gimlet stare. "I am neither naïve nor stupid. Why are you paying so much attention to me? Is it because I'm banging your brother?"

The sneer twisted from arrogance to disgust. "For reasons that currently escape me, I actually enjoy your company." You gasped dramatically and let your muscles go limp, dropping to the ground in a mock faint. Loki rolled his eyes even as his mouth twitched. "I know. I was shocked, too."

You opened your eyes and looked up at his amused scorn. Though most wouldn't understand why, you were deeply touched. This was probably the nicest he'd ever been to a human. You smiled at him, and for once it was utterly genuine and sincere, with no sarcasm or disdain to hide behind. "Loki, are we friends?"

Loki watched you out of the corner of his eye. He had long ago learned to hide his true feelings behind whatever mask suited his needs best at any given time. He had seen in you the same tendency for all you hid behind careless charm and a sense of humor. Until this moment, however, he hadn't suspected that you hid a tender heart.

He had thought you were one like him, cynical, cold, careless. To find in your open and unguarded smile something sweet and wholesome explained one conundrum even as it raised a whole host of other problems. He felt a tiny twinge of remorse, a rarity for him even these days. He sniffed. "No. You're my pet."

"Then I expect you to start bringing me presents and treats." You closed your eyes again and spoke archly. You could tell something bothered him and assumed it was his discomfort with anything resembling sincerity or sentiment. "If I'm going to be a pet, I insist on being a spoiled one."

Loki turned his head to look at you properly. He could tell immediately what you were doing and found it both disarmingly sweet and deeply disturbing. You were far too perceptive for you own good and he still had many, many secrets to protect. "You are wasted on my brother. You know that, right?"

You hated when he did this. You steadfastly refused to discuss with Loki whatever was happening between you and Thor. Though their relationship seemed easier than you’d expected, considering the stories you’d heard from others, there was still a tension between them you didn’t understand and neither man seemed interested in explaining.

The few times Loki had commented on your relationship with Thor, he’d made it clear he disapproved. You also steadfastly refused to ask what exactly he disapproved of. You allowed Loki to tell stories from their past, but you would not talk about your present. It felt… disloyal. To both of them.

“I do not. Your brother doesn't waste a bit of me.” You kept your eyes closed but let your lips curve into a satisfied feline smile. “He uses every part.”

The horrified silence that followed had you prying one eye open to glance up at Loki. You immediately burst into fits of wicked laughter at the look of disgust and loathing you found on his face. “Why would you say such a thing to me?” he asked, his tone rich with disbelief and a hint of hurt.

“You're being a dick,” you replied with a careless shrug and a challenging grin when you’d stopped laughing.

Loki expression hardly changed, but his face took on a sinister cast that had a chill running down your spine. For the first time since you’d met him, you truly believed him capable of the things you knew he’d done. “He'll never truly appreciate you,” he mocked, both sly and cruel, “because he'll never truly understand you.”

You yawned, deliberately, as his words and demeanor were making you sick to your stomach. “You make me sound so complicated and mysterious.” You closed your eyes again, a deliberate dismissal. “It’s dumb, but I dig it.”

Loki made a sound somewhere between a scoff and a snort. “You may be able to fool those like my brother too dull and blind to see what you really are, but don’t insult me.”

“And what am I?” Your voice was harsh as you asked the question, and you sat up to look Loki full in the face. You were holding onto your temper with both hands; only the knowledge that he would love to goad you into a tantrum restraining you. “Really?”

“A realist, like me.” Loki was well aware of what he was doing. He turned his head and looked out across the grass at the main building. He wondered what it would take to truly set you off and considered it necessary to find out. “You don't concern yourself with what's right, but what's expedient.”

You frowned. This wasn’t what you were expecting, and you weren’t sure how to proceed. He was being insulting, but in a way that made you question whether that was his intent. “I prefer to think of myself as a pragmatist,” you said slowly. Your somewhat warped sense of humor rushed to the fore and you laughed as you pushed at his shoulder, not that you moved him even a little. “And I do so worry about doing what's right. I just take what's expedient into account, too.”

The corner of Loki’s mouth lifted in a small smile. Your casual shrug as you said the last only proved his point as far as he was concerned. “You also have a talent for reframing things in your favor. Of shuffling words until you're in the right. I admire that.”

“So, you're saying I'm too good for your brother because I’m too much like you?”

“No,” he chuckled. “He's too good for the both of us. I'm saying he'll never comprehend your true worth because he's too good.”

“Okay.” You weren’t sure how he’d managed to drag you into this conversation. Now that you had been, however, you desperately wanted to know why. "For the sake of argument, let's assume that I accept your premise. What's your fucking point?"

Loki finally looked at you, one brow raising in mock surprise. "Do I need one?" You raised a matching eyebrow, but yours was skeptical. Loki narrowed his eyes, his expression turning menacing. "I’m somewhat fond of you. I don’t think I’d enjoy seeing you in pain."

Unable to help yourself, even knowing you'd end up paying for it, you snickered outright. "I have bad news for you, Loki. It sure seems like you’re my friend."

The look of disgust Loki shot your way had you erupting into gales of delighted laughter. Worth it.

You never did get a straight answer out of him, but that was only to be expected. Loki could give lessons on inscrutability. You opted to file away the conversation for further contemplation at a later date.

Even though you weren't entirely sure why Loki had given you what you assumed was a warning, you were sure that Loki never did anything without reason. The reason may seem batshit crazy to you, but it was there. If he felt the need to speak on the subject, he had a purpose. However, you also couldn't discount the possibility that he was simply fucking with you for his own entertainment.

Regardless, you put it away, knowing you’d end up obsessing on it in the middle of the night during some bout of insomnia when Thor wasn’t there to exhaust you into sleep.

The next day you burst into the common kitchen in a towering rage, holding something sparkling and pink. You flung the thing at Loki’s feet, your entire demeanor pure, unbridled fight me. Pushing your face into his as best you could considering his height, you pointed imperiously at the ridiculous thing he'd left in a beautifully wrapped gift box on your desk. You shouted, your voice practically booming through the room and turning all heads your way, "Did you gift wrap a fucking leash?!"

Loki was as close to speechless as he ever got. The sight of you in a full-blown temper was something truly magnificent. Your narrowed eyes sparkled with rage and your lips parted to let furious huffs of breath through. He found it interesting that passion, whether from anger or desire, made you beautiful.

Rather than say that, however, Loki’s lips curved in an amused smile as he replied, “I thought you want to be spoiled, pet.” His expression shifted into a mockery of innocence. “Is this not what you meant?”

Loki braced for the explosion, certain he’d pushed you into losing your temper completely. Instead, the humor of the moment struck you with such force that you couldn’t stop the laughter that bubbled up inside you. He’d somehow acquired a cat collar that spelled out your name in rhinestones, for fuck’s sake.

As your expression melted from furious insult to genuine merriment, Loki felt another of those annoying pangs of remorse. It really was too bad. As humans went, you’d just become one of his favorites.

Part Six: Crucible here

Taglist: (Tags are open)

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#Thor Odinson #thor odinson x reader #Thor #thor x reader #thor x fem!reader #thor fanfiction #thor fanfic #marvel au #MCU fanfiction #Lightning Strikes #pantswrites #series

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danbevanwriting · 6 years

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The Ranking of Final Fantasy: Final Fantasy III

Final Fantasy III is the second game that the West didn't see an official localised version until many years later. Initially released a few years after Final Fantasy II in Japan, it was remade with a new localisation and 3D update 26 years later in 2006 on Nintendo DS. This game is important in the lineage of the series as it's the one that set the motifs of the series; Chocobos, Cid as a recurring character, Job specific actions, even some of the designs of iconic jobs that are still used today. But was the game worth the long wait for Western audiences?

The version of the game I played (and will continue to play from here on out) is the version available of Steam, which is itself a version of the mobile port. The only real differences between these versions and the DS remake is the User Interface, which I personally didn't kind too off putting despite looking a bit clunky. The content and graphics are otherwise the same as the DS version. Upfront I'll say that I like the style of the 3D remake. It retains the chibi-esque style for the characters that the series is known for during the NES/ SNES era. The world is colourful and benefits from the 3D modelling by giving the world more character through the use of added details to the floor tiles. The game was no slouch on the NES either though, it definitely improved graphics compared to previous games, with unique sprites for each job that the characters could take and battles looking more impressive than ever. It's honestly quite impressive what Square managed to do with the NES, even if there was a few assets clearly still being used from the original game (mostly world map town and castles looking very similar, and the warrior sprite being literally the same from Final Fantasy I).

Basic gameplay is untouched during the exploration of the world from previous games. You're still walking through dungeons picking up items, fighting random battles, talking to townsfolk to gather clues for how to advance forward. The wrinkle this game provided to the formula is that each character can change their 'job' whenever they want from a growing selection. This means that you're not stuck with the same class set up from the get-go like in the original game and characters more instantly specialise unlike in FF2. Bored of your current set up? Just change that White Mage to a Red Mage, or try an all offensive group of melee brawlers! In the remake the only downside to switching is that there's a 'cooling off' period after switching in which you have to fight a certain amount of battles with lowered stats before becoming normal. Stats don't carry over between jobs either, with the only permanent change being HP, which does lead to an issue where characters who didn't play much as melee characters can end the game with a disadvantageous amount of health (this is definitely something that happened to me). Overall though this is a rather fun system to experiment with, keeping me engaged throughout most of the game's playtime.

Situations that the game throws at you sometimes lead to influencing your party composition. This comes with some mixed results though. The more interesting of these is where you have to go through a dungeon while being mini, meaning that physical attacks are useless. This means that the best way through these dungeons is to bring a party of casters, which definitely mixes things up and is interesting to think and plan around. A situation which isn't as good however is during a part of the game where you're stranded in a town area and the only way to get out is to beat the boss of the area: Garuda. The problem with this part of the game is that if you don't take a party of Dragoons (which the game heavily implies you should do) then you are already dead. Only Dragoon gear is attainable and the boss' weakness is spears but this doesn't make this interesting as there's only one solution to the encounter. A similar issue occurs during a late game dungeon where the only way to get through without pulling your hair out is to bring a party of Dark Knights to stop all the normal enemies you encounter from duplicating themselves. The problem with this is that Dark Knights are basically worthless outside of this dungeon as they don't bring much of interest in terms of their abilities. The 'getting mini or turning to a toad to get in to the dungeon' gimmick also starts to wear thin by the end of the game, mostly because it wastes 2 charges of magic to get the party small or warty and then back again. It's nothing game breaking but it becomes a tired gimmick by the end of the game.

The dungeon design in general is much improved over the last game, however. Gone are the trap rooms that yielded nothing but crushed dreams and a thousand random battles. The dungeons now are a bit more linear with off shoots from the main path that more often than not have some goodies to pick up. None of them are overly complex to the point that you'd get lost and none of them ever really last too long either. Dungeons even have a bit of characteristics with them as they often have unique designs apart from a couple of the optional dungeons which are just generic cave dungeons. Otherwise they're fine, nothing to really complain about or overly praise either to be honest.

Final Fantasy III does not try to tell a story as ambitious as Final Fantasy II's, although it is still more fleshed out than the original game's. In the remake the developers tried to give each of the 4 heroes their own personality and backstory but it's rather thin and doesn't amount to much by the end. It's still more than the nothing you're given in the NES original (although your characters spoke between each other, there was never names attached to lines and they never really said anything profound). Characters in general are rather thin to be honest, there's no character dynamics I found to be memorable and even a lot of the major characters are more plot device than characters. Cid's got a wife in this one though, so that's... nice! What is interesting about the game is the world building that the game does. This isn't any more evident than when you realise that the world map you started on is only a tiny part and is actually just a small floating island in the corner of the map. You get out, and the world is covered in a thick fog that you need to disperse. It's interesting, and the build up to the Crystal Tower at the end is a fun experience as you uncover parts of the world and how the darkness has affected parts of it. The conclusion is rather limp though, with the guy you've been chasing throughout the game not actually being the last boss but actually being manipulated by an even greater threat known as the Cloud of Darkness! Gasp! This is another theme that ends up being carried forward in to the series too. Unfortunately, the Cloud of Darkness and the Crystal Tower, as cool as they are, is where I found issue with the game in general.

Up until the Crystal Tower, the game is not too hard (even with bosses in the remake attacking twice per turn) and seems overall to be well balanced. I beat most bosses on my first or second try and the fights seemed just hard enough that they were lengthy and fun. None of this is an issue until the very end of the game. You climb the Crystal Tower and nothing really poses too much of a threat: usually a good sign that you're in the right level curve to face what's coming. I reached the top, beat Xande rather easily and then Cloud of Darkness shows up and your group follows her to her realm: The World of Darkness. This is a point of no return by the way. Here, there are boss level enemies you fight in random encounters, have to fight 4 bosses with HP pools double that of Xande's, and then fight Cloud of Darkness who has 4 times his health. She has a group-wide attack originating from one of her tentacles that does massive magic damage as well as being able to attack twice herself. It's such a huge difficulty spike and it's completely unfair with it coming after a point of no return, meaning that if you fail you have to go through the whole of the Crystal Tower again, wasting a couple of hours' progress. This is such a sour note to end the game on after it being so enjoyable up until this final dungeon, it's such a shame that the game stumbles so hard on the final hurdle. It doesn't help that the way the story ends involves a contrived event that brings characters from the game with 'pure hearts of light' to help the heroes out of a jam, and for some reason, one of those characters is one of the old men who thought they were the warriors of light. A character that seemed to have been used as a joke in one of the towns. I audibly said to myself 'are you actually serious?' when it happened, it was such a bizarre plot point.

I don't wish to end this review on a sour note, however, as I can more than confidently say that the music in this game is incredible. After the disappointing showing from Final Fantasy II this is a breath of fresh air. The overworld theme has a light airy sound to it that evokes a quiet mystery, the battle themes are exciting and energetic, the boss theme is incredibly iconic. The only tracks that annoyed me were the 'liberated' theme which plays in certain towns and locations after a saving it from a major threat, and a couple of the town themes were pretty obnoxious to the point where I just wanted to get out of them as soon as I could. As it's a NES game the themes are pretty short loops, which does lessen the impact of the good songs and amplify the irritation of the lesser ones. Overall though, a big thumbs up in the music department!

To conclude then I enjoyed FF3 quite a lot overall, to the point where I stayed up late a lot to play it. I would say I enjoyed it more that the previous 2 games even though this game has flaws all of its own. The job system is great and fun but is ultimately a bit shallow, especially when comparing to games to follow (hint, hint). I would still say this is the best of the NES era games though due to it having ambition and mostly hitting the right notes, unlike Final Fantasy II. The series' biggest flaw at this point of it's life is that the plot and characters are still rather underdeveloped but they've given the games their own distinct style and gameplay that is well refined. The old games would probably be best kept to only being played by die-hard fans, even the remakes.

Current Rankings:

Final Fantasy III

Final Fantasy I

Final Fantasy II

#opinion #final fantasy #review #retro #ranking #nes #classic

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psicygni · 6 years

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commenting is hard and scary: general trends in the reasoning of fic readers

an incredibly academic review of answers, asks, and replies by me, 2017, tumblrdotcom

Introduction

This post concerns the super scientific survey from yesterday. A couple of you asked, so: the reason I wanted to know why folks don’t regularly comment is a combination of things. The first is writing for spones, which is a rather new experience, and the comparatively tiny number of comments on what I think is a pretty darn good story, compared with the overwhelming enthusiasm for the s/u piece I posted the other week- it got me thinking, needless to say. Second is the ever present discrepancy between number of comments and read-counts on new chapters when I post them. Third is receiving comments that start ‘I never comment, but’ and finally giving into the curiosity of what that’s like, to read all this fic and not comment on it. Fourth is the always circling posts of ‘comment on the fics you read!’ with explanations of why and how - it seems like those don’t totally get through to people? I don’t know, maybe they do, but it’s not like I reblog one and wake up the next morning to a bevy of comments.

Methods

Participants included the metric butt-ton of anon commenters, plus those who replied to the original post which you can read here. Too many to respond to without clogging everyone’s dashes, so we’re doing this instead.

Results

There were five main categories that responses fell into: not having much to say (and the temptation of the kudos button), RL issues, finding commenting stressful, perceptions of the author, and other.

The Profundity of Comments

The most reoccurring reason for not commenting (or not commenting regularly) was a feeling of not having much to say other than ‘I liked it. As one anon wrote, “i just honestly never know what to say and other comments are so well-constructed that i feel like my random "aww theyre so cute" would be inadequate.” This pressure to feel profound was reiterated by others, such as another anon who suggested “I think not all readers are former lit majors who may get intimidated to leave a "thoughtful" comment and are reading to de-stress or something.”

Beyond this lack of profound and interesting statements on fics, there was a general feeling that leaving a kudos, favoriting a fic, or creating a bookmark was akin to leaving a short comment saying ‘that was great’. One anon put it this way: “if I'm just saying 'great fic', it feels interchangeable with giving them a kudos”.

RL Issues

There was a reoccurring sentiment related to feeling like one has to be profound: not having enough time to sit down and leave the type of comment the reader wanted to. Also included in this was not having the energy to do so, either because readers were enjoying fic as a way to relax and de-stress, or because they were reading in bed and were tired. Another issue raised was the fact that mobile reading doesn’t lend itself to commenting, and it’s awkward to have to switch to a desktop to comment. Finally, there was the simple problem of forgetting, despite all best intentions. Life, as we all know, gets entirely too busy sometimes. @samttuummaa ties this all together nicely and puts words to what a number of other folks said in their own replies: “Here's the recipe: start with I read on my cell, where typing is a moth#£$&#@! of an experience. Combine that with the fact that I always had a million things to say so the reviews were rarely short. Toss that with a toddler wanting my attention. Let it all simmer in the fact that I only got to read in spurts of just a few minutes at a time… modify this recipe by adding a 2nd baby”.

Commenting as a stressful activity

This section of results fell into two main categories. First was readers who struggle with social anxiety. Second was readers for whom English is a non-native language, and either the difficulty of writing in english was prohibitive, or they were too self-conscious of their writing to enjoy the process of leaving a comment.

Author as a roadblock

Interestingly, many folks wrote about ways in which authors themselves were an impediment. There was a general sense among respondents that if authors don’t respond to comments, it’s not worth leaving them a comment on their story. One anon raises an interesting question, writing: “if the author then doesn't engage with the comments… why is a comment better than a kudos?” Additionally, readers felt that writers who don’t respond to comments might ignore the comments they leave, or commenting might be bothersome or irritating to these authors.

Some readers had negative interactions with authors which turned them off from commenting. One anon wrote: “Actually I left a good comment to a fic arthor and she didn't reply back to my comment but replied back to everyone's else and felt so horrible.” Another recounted a story of an ongoing correspondence with an author that went south for no discernible reason, which made them wary of engaging with writers in the future.

Another aspect of the way in which readers’ perspective of the author interfered with commenting was a perception that fic authors don’t like short comments. A second was that authors - myself included - are annoyed by pleas for updates, but that is what the reader really wants to write. (footnote 1: there is a difference between ‘update please!’ and ‘can’t wait to find out what happens next!!’ For me at least, the latter is more than welcome, while the former does tend to feel quite rude)

Finally, @what-if-im-a-mermaid and @mizjesbelle offered insight into the feeling that authors have their friends in fandom and that fics have an ‘insider/outsider’ culture, which the reader can be very much on the outside of, or that as an unknown reader, that feedback wasn’t pertinent compared to the author’s friends comments. As @what-if-im-a-mermaid wrote “I also remember having this vague impression of fandoms as these groups of people who all know each other and comment on each other’s work and are friends and feeling, idk, ‘excluded’ is not the right term because i wasn't sad about it, but like it was something I wasn’t part of? Like it didn’t concern me?” @mizjesbelle follows up this comment by writing, “@what-if-im-a-mermaid I know what you mean about a comment section sometimes feeling like a club you're not part of. I follow a lot of webcomics, and there are some I don't comment on because everyone clearly knows each other. I know they don't mean to be unwelcoming, but it can feel awkward.” (footnote 2: I have made all of my fandom friends through discussions started in comments on stories and trust me, if you comment on a story of mine, I remember you and I love you)

Other

There were a number of reasons that fell outside the above mentioned themes. These are that a fic is bad and the reader doesn’t want to leave criticism, being overwhelmed with feels after finishing reading a fic, the story is old, as a writer themselves they don’t care to receive comments and therefore don’t leave them as readers, and not realizing how it feels to put yourself out there and publish creative work. @what-if-im-a-mermaid writes, “I think part of it is that if you’re a casual fic reader and you’ve never put yourself out there by posting stuff you created to The Interweb it can be hard understand how incredibly rewarding receiving any feedback at all is. For the longest time I thought of fic writers as a bunch of people who find writing so easy and intrinsically rewarding that they post billions of words on line for free, because it makes them happy. They’re obviously Real Writers, very good at what they do, so why should feedback from a random girl who knows nothing about lit and writing affect them in any way? ‘ (footnote 3: it does make me happy, it’s so asldkfjasldkjf not easy, and if you enjoyed my story, you’re not random, see footnote 2 about how much I love you)

Discussion

Overall, a number of reasons stated here have made the rounds in fandom before: old stories tend to get few comments, folks don’t want to be rude and leave criticism, English is a ridiculous language, talking to authors can be scary, commenting is just plain hard when we all have work/school/kids/whatever, and the kudos button is right there for the clicking.

One aspect of these responses that surprised me was the variability. A lot of people have very different reasons for not commenting, which I hadn’t ever really considered before. As a writer, I interpret a lack of comments to mean that my writing is bad or boring, and even if folks are reading it, it’s more so out of not being able to find better fic than any true enjoyment.

Another thing I hadn’t thought about was the fact that for readers, the kudos button can feel the same as leaving a short comment - I don’t know about other writers, but those two feel entirely and hugely different to me. However, having read through all your responses I think I can change a bit and take kudos more to heart and hear what you’re all saying: you enjoyed the story and had you commented, that’s likely exactly what the comment would read. At the same time, I’d encourage all of you to consider how it feels to see a list of names of folks who have left kudos and know full well that only a handful of them stopped to tell you that they liked your story.

I was also surprised by the way in which a writer responding to comments made such an impact. I had no idea anyone responded until one day I left a comment and got a response back and then I started doing it myself. I mcfreaking love talking to readers through comments, especially on chaptered fic as I get to see their reactions as the story develops. It’s like getting to read my own story through someone else’s eyes and experience it as if I’m the reader who doesn’t know what’s coming up in the next chapter, with all of that thrill and fun. The same goes for one shots, though I don’t get to build that rapport over the course of the story.

Further Research

One question I’m left with is: for those of you who do comment, what is the draw for you? And for those of you who don’t, is there a way for authors to engage you so that you would comment? An anon wrote, ““FFN has this culture of the idea of asking for reviews being tacky, probably from the occasional 'I'll post the next chapter after 100 reviews' fics” which I’m not suggesting or anything of the sort. I don’t think that begging for comments is exactly the way through this. I’m more curious as to whether there is anything that might change your commenting behavior - because trust me, I’ll do it.

Conclusion

Fandom is the best and continues to be one of the great joys of my life, and I imagine many of yours. I wish I could convince everyone to comment, but I also respect all the reasons all y’all have furnished as to why that’s not realistic to ask.

#at the same time...#it's the holidays #leave a fic author you love a note #commenting #fic comments #long post #writing is fun!

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aircoil50 · 3 years

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Looking for Inventive Specs in Today's Cell Phones

In the event this year’s front runner cellphones have made anything at all crystal clear, it’s that just about every mobile phone in our pant pockets is very dull. Every single mobile phone is expensive. Just about every gadget is powerful. Every single mobile phone provides a nice display screen and an impressive camera. Phone creativity has come to slow crawl. Important sector players are scrambling to justify the every year enhancements they’ve, devoted almost 10 years normalizing. Women and men are transitioning less than previously. We are hearing rumours that we’ve hit top smart phone. Every that’s still left are software and environments related to the cell phones. Apple’s most innovative iPhone XS launched distinctive features like Smart HDR and adjustable depth options. Google’s -pixel 3 touts Top Shots, Super Move, and contact screening. Samsung’s devices have raw gaming power and Huawei targets trendy technology.

High priced components have sprung up as a side-effect of the increasing difficulty of selling smartphones on their own. For your Apple iPhone, you’d better obtain the AirPods. Oh, yet don’t forget the Pixel Stand, the HomePod, and the House Hub for your Google Pixel 3. What about the Samsung Equipment VR or super fast Charge Cordless Charging Stand? There’s also the Huawei EnVizion 360 Camera or maybe the Moonlight Selfie Stick, who can live with no those? There is a reason 2018 is the time of new form factors, giant screens, color choices, and quirky notch-based methods to stretch the screen. All of these are fancy upgrade lure for regular people still keeping onto their old mobile phones. None of that is poor, necessarily. Dull or boring smartphones are a testament to their utility and pervasiveness. The pcs within our pockets are becoming better at lasting much longer. The environment and your budget gains when you hold on your phone longer. Soon after ten years of the first mobile phone (iPhone) release, the equipment parts of mobile phones have at last swept up with the program’s capability.

The annual new product (phone) discharge from each and every phone machine can't exhibit any amazing mysterious feelings and are not able to create an excessive amount of excitements for customers to imagine. In the early times of the mobile phone, software was waiting for hardware to accelerate in order to enjoy in the same recreation space to make gadgets better. Immediately after 10 years of the first mobile phone (iPhone) inception, the hardware components of mobile phones have finally caught up with all the software’s capability. Therefore , it runs quicker and better. Also, all of the magical tricks that software program can give to hardware are starting to be given to most of the mobile phones from mid-range to the high-end devices. The yearly cool product (smartphone) discharge from every single smartphone manufacturer cannot exude any remarkable magical feelings and are unable to create too much excitements can be to expect. Generally there isn’t any revolutionary “the next big thing” is present anymore. Every single product discharge has been an pregressive hardware update or, even, simply a software refinement or trick. As we mentioned that the hardware advancements together with the software improvements on the mobile phone turf allow leading mobile platforms blend in the middle of the road in a sense. iOS has been ruling in the high-end mobile phone segment and the hippie circle as well as fashion target segmentations despite the fact it was missing in features (hardware) and capabilities (software) in the early days. Android has been thriving across the most segments thanks to its technique similar to the early days of the computer vs Mac pc war period. Although google android has been acquiring market shares all across segments, it fails to really enter into the core high-end gadget users. Of course, those end users buy and try range topping android mobile phones but they do not use google android phones as their daily drivers. Worse, they used android telephones because their beloved iPhones could not do a handful of certain items that google android gadgets can do. Right now, what google android has, hardware-wise, iPhone has as well. All of the advanced equipment enabled the application to factors all the benefits that android phones got but iPhone didn’t into both systems products. iPhone owners are no longer needing to bring an android telephone for a handful of features only android phones have. For android users, iPhone has turn into a lot more like its two brothers and sisters not only they alike yet act alike (gesture control on each of those devices). The mobile phone war is over to the eye of consumers because it is not important which system they select, the shifting cost is getting cut to a minimum. Usually the ones who suffer are the businesses that produce the device. Mobile phone earnings are decreasing, and companies like Apple almost specifically count on that revenue to pad their particular balances. To make on with the slow down, price ranges are gradually sneaking upward. You can view this change in technology corporations’ keynotes. Once eagerly awaited (and reported), these notifications are barely holding onto their viewers. Instead of concentrating on how insane that new camera is, notifications describe how augmented reality can make bouncing blobs hang-out in your living space, or enhance your photos following the fact, or maybe the way your mobile phone interacts with you via tone of voice, and so on. They are about functionality bumps, other features, or other software-based additions. Probably some of all of them will matter, but the majority would not. All of them point to one thing: the end from the smartphone wars. I do not believe there’s an additional big revolution around the corner, simply arguing more than notches, camera lenses, and several other banalities that are little intended for the end user. Ten years following the launch of Apple’s iPhone, you'll find killer hardware anywhere you appear. Do you miss the old days any time a subsidy iPhone only cost us regarding 99 dollars or the priciest one was only $399? We perform miss those times. However , all those good old times were over for a while (thanks to T-Mobile); in the present day, an mid-range smartphone will run you as much as the premium devices used to cost you during the smartphone subsidy model period. If you want to get a flagship gadget from idol brands such as Samsung, Goggle and Apple, you’d better get around $1,000 USD cash ready for these devices. Sometimes from self-proclaimed "Flagship killer" names including OnePlus and Xiaomi, the cost of gadgets from those companies are about $600 USD. It is a small fortune to trim from potential customers to get only a minimal update device compared with the model a season in the past. Even as we referred to that mobile phone market previously reached the grown-up stage in terms of the hardware plus software enhancements from about 2 years ago. The annual cool product release is just a minor equipment upgrade along with software marketing tips. Then again, it’s another one thousand bucks purchase if you opt to update your mobile phone. For that reason, we now have our marks to give to determine if you should update your device every 12 months or not. In case you are a parent and you take tons of photos of your child then . You ought to upgrade your smart phone each year. Keep in mind, the give-in the following is that we imagine 1000 dollars won’t break your bank. Really, it’s not because of the photo or video clips characteristics are going to be totally distinctive in case you upgrade your cellphone. It may be the emotional feeling that if you don’t own it, you would not grab the best of it when you take photographs or movies of the kids. That thought can actually make a huge impact on some couples’ thoughts. For this reason, in case you are a parent, you ought to consider to do so. If you don't take a lot of videos and pics, in that case there is no rush to pay for the most recent smart phone. You should not look at upgrading your mobile phones every year even though you have the funds to do so. Seriously, why throw away $1,000 USD to pay for a telephone with some photograph upgrades that you cannot even see? Or pay one thousand us dollar bills to upgrade your telephone to get a different design of display (top notch or a little bit more curved)? Honestly, it is best to just use that 1000 bucks looking after yourself for something better such as a trip to Las Vegas just for the holiday weekend or just to visit a very good cafe for a night. You really will not care the between the new iPhone and the iPhone you simply bought 12 months ago in case you aren’t the lover of the smart phone. Therefore … why do so? Because of this, the decision seriously goes down to the mind of users. In the event you psychologically will feel you are in an inferior placement if you do not have a most current cell phone in hands, you must fork out the cash and move forward and upgrade your gadget. If not really, you ought to happily make use of that one thousand dollars someplace else. If you mentally will feel you are within an second-rate position if you don’t possess a most up to date cell phone in your pocket, you should spend the money and just proceed and update your device What we’re experiencing now is an ecosystem clash. What happens next is anyone’s guess, and I suspect it is about to get crazy, though not inherently significantly more wonderful.

#social media #facebook

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felipaynst717-blog · 4 years

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Das Beste für Sie AoE II: Definitive Edition

Reviews Age of Empires II: Definitive Edition

Attractive, good, mature strategy game is seeking a player! Despite the twenty years of which bear gone on, the new Age of Empires II: Definitive Edition still manages to deliver a wonderful experience.

The Age of Empires series is a legitimate grandfather of the real-time strategy genre – this been around for over two decades. Some time since, we walked a remaster on the principal part, named Definitive Edition and it was... good, it was what it was, let's place this in which. Let's answer I hugged it with all its limitations. Also really honestly, I did not assume the changes will be so general in the remaster of the subsequent part, the opus magnum of the RTS genre created by the Ensemble Studio. Basically, I stayed still really considering this assignment. Meanwhile, exactly what I meet in the main flow in the game exceeded the wildest expectations. Age of Empires II Definitive Edition, despite its archaisms, comes out ahead and stretches horrible ideas with the upcoming fourth installment.

Dance Macabre

This actually isn't the first time the moment piece was renovated and published – we've previously declared the HD Edition. Apparently, though, Microsoft wants to be like George Lucas, who's forever enhance their Star Wars, and while in the case of the silk Jedi learn, the policy doesn't necessarily win fan approval, you can really be glad about how things turn out with the discussed strategy. AoE2DE is better than something we've seen in this collection so far. That so good it doesn't have any serious cons. A little forced, aren't they? Form, this is the opportunity of acclaimed dinosaurs sent to a funeral home, the slogan that remains "Dressed in our own coffins you search more successful." But seriously. Finding fault with a twenty-year last game is basically defeat a boring horse. Particularly given that that game comes with major expansion, also the skeleton may still dance by numerous personal computers.

Visual delights in 4K

I won't beat about the bush. The above heading is a piece provocative, but the mostly real. Imagine that you have the appropriate hardware (I learn most of you don't have to imagine that at all, but I did to help), people launch Age of Empires II Definitive Edition in 4K, and your eyes are poised with a planet of tiny characters working around the area, that is exactly as razor and has tremendous textures weighting 16 GB and set up specifically for this occasion. Fact be related, I've only seen that earth in a dozen frames per minute, so it probably doesn't count (I ended up participating with 1080p). In any case, the people from Forgotten Empires went to great lengths to make certain persons are given here surprise if they only have the best rig.

And that certainly not the "omg-next-gen-so-much!" type of awe, but rather "Dang, that's what a twenty-years-old game may look like?" They place almost everything that is fixed. From the growth from the natural world to stars and lives of all units. The smooth activities are pleasing to the eye, especially as you could now zoom popular using the mouse wheel. Considering a background full of warriors rendered in armor that sell virtual damage to each other has not been so exciting.

Collapsing buildings look very impressive – they disintegrate to items and watch every brick falling upon a pile of rubble. I've never grow bored of admiring collapsing castles and it sounds i won't think about this being pointless interest for a long time. It's mind-blowing!

Game designers have managed, among other things, to make sure that players will not give any difficulty identifying specific buildings. Already at this level, each building looks a little different, which makes it easier to get a notion of what's actually happening in this prevailing chaos – in the drive or in the fast increase regarding the capital or community.

More holes and user interface

In addition to aesthetic and graphical marvels, it was also important to adapt the old-school user interface with a slightly newer model. By we mean a substantial and modern UI which is better suited near it is end.

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In the menu there is a another decision to degree the client interface, which is a great idea for newcomers, who are not yet accustomed to the in-game hotkeys. Enlarging the symbols enables one to understand a better knowledge of their occasion; used for a difference, professionals can get rid of the main interface almost entirely. By the way, concerning the keyboard shortcuts – today people not just have the possibility to vary key bindings, but also to create separate profiles, which will surely be enjoyed in those who create their own control systems. Also, it is possible to easily select all parts or buildings of the broken type on the place also to remove them with just one click of the major.

For the second staff of UI we can look at just how various folks we can recruit before we go out of conscious quarters. A different and extremely valuable star will demonstrate us just how many villagers are unemployed. By pressing on it, the game leads us to each one of these (one before a single) also were able to assign them a brief.

There is and a new feature – queuing of tasks, thanks to which it is possible to sketch the next activities of a hand unit in advance. All buildings under building or knowledge that are currently being used are indicated at the top from the television. This allows you to quickly understand the current situation.

Select army feature has been improved. Not just you can see the way many things you have marked, but you can also make sure that workers will never become incorporated into a massive faction of selected soldiers. It helps a lot! Especially when you have to quickly counter to the unexpected circumstances.

One of the coolest development is the opportunity to restore a farm later it last out of stocks. Simply check out this option along with anyone no longer need to concern about the supply of food. It seems so different which no one have come ahead with such an idea twenty years ago. It was a really annoying issue.

We've was given the informed AI in the HD edition from the game, playing with the Definitive Edition the fake intelligence approach includes experienced several significant polishing. I bought the brand that the AI-controlled enemy doesn't focus so much at making one brief when another, but rather acts in a new dispersed and extreme way. Employees are not directed to perform one action with another so as to improve in the future time. However, it doesn't signify the redesigned AI is slower than the older one. This aims to help settle the overall economy with prioritizes jobs in a greater way. During the individual battles, the game enables one to choose which AI scripts must be used in specific civilizations – whether they should help those from the first report, the HD form or the latest translation in the game. I encourage you to conduct your own experiments with the original AI order. It can be a quite addictive and fascinating activity.

Another critical new report is the possibility of giving orders to allies when performing 2vs2 scenarios. The number of available commands is overwhelming (around a hundred or more) then they fear questions such as – demand for coaching of the certain form of thing, sending a specific type of troops to the ground, requesting support in an episode, put the ally to focus on some type of production or even construction of an wall on designated location. You will have to use a lot of time if you want figure all this away. Many highly, the coordination seems to be doing very decently.

Other essential novelty is the beginning of a fresh level of difficulty. Despite their brand, Great difficulty doesn't make the action to fast. It is rather a surface trick, designed to assess the difficulty levels available from the game, so that they are not like mixed so previously. Thus, the Great difficulty level is very similar to the Difficult one, told on the previous edition from the game. Any direction, a challenge would remain a challenge.

Revamped multiplayer

Speaking of problem. With DE, you will get job in challenges which consist in achieving certain objectives as easily as possible – for example, advance to the next era. New adepts in the lines should spend the time to report the basics of game mechanics, if they aim to help fight against a real opponent in the multiplayer duel. The standard tutorial, which is and a Scottish battle against the English, turns out as a complete joke. In no income it will make you representing a multiplayer battle.

Just before we move onto additional notes on multiplayer mode, I should point out the whole element of the experience was utterly redesigned. No more peer-to-peer connections. Instead, game designers have put together multiplayer servers which must provide a much smoother and lag-less experience. At least unlike which includes occurred to me during my gameplay experience.

The design and features of multiplayer’s lobby has been modified. Now you can make personal and password-protected game sessions. Among the new features there is a possibility to watch multiplayer conference of others as a spectator (there may be virtually any number of people watching). The new map selector makes this better to filter them before produce your own sets. After all, the renewed matchmaking system should enable a better wealth of rivals due to the more explicit research criteria. That would entail additional time, than I had after the game's release, to get to see these novelties and innovative solutions i always have described above. Despite that, I have to divulge in which anything I've tested did well.

A multicultural game

The designation of Definitive Edition grants to begin something over simply updated graphics, interface, AI and restored multiplayer. The designer have managed to save all expansion sets – including most cultures that occurred within every add-on. Moreover, they have included some extra content. Thanks to that, twenty-four movements are awaiting you inside only person mode! In other words, it's countless times of excitement! Four new the world have remained put into those previously being from the level story with frequent add-ons. Also, three of them say picked up unique campaigns. Despite the fact Spiele Umsonst downloadspiels.com that game designers have decided to take an easy direction with based the armed forces capability of all new people in cavalry, we should be happy that they've expanded the previously diversified puddle of civilizations.

For the new we can handle the responsibility of Lithuanians (unfortunately, this population was denied of special campaign). And, you can sport because Tatars, Bulgarians and Cumans. The end are well-known from Kingdom Come: Deliverance. I've played every new fights and also via what I've seen so far, many new country are somewhat threw in assessment to their opponents. Or I'm a born boss also a talented strategist? I'm kidding, although I might not be disturbed if the new people were effectively balanced in a patch that may be generated from the next future (mainly within the perspective of multiplayer matches).

A grinning walking over

I'm aware of the fact I give managed to discover and suggest all the differences within judgment to the primary. I only expectation to I've noticed most of them, and have suitably told them in this review. Age of Empires II Definitive Edition is a fantastic solution to the supporters of strategy genre. It was successfully restored and renewed by Forgotten Empires and most certainly it won't go unnoticed – at least with supporters that have this sort of activity and are not scared of adult game mechanics. That resembles a living (walking down?) corpse that's still rather pleasant next survived fixed in total conditions. So, the idea going to end for at least few seasons more. I talk about it with a lot of sympathy because I love how nicely it was preserved. Also, I hope that this a promising sign before the freedom of the several chapter in the cycle that’s awaited in many home-grown tactical leaders.

#The Outer Worlds PC #Review

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chiyalawritesrewind · 7 years

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Rewind, Chapter 17

Fanfic: [ch1] [ch2] [ch3] [ch4] [ch5] [ch6] [ch7] [ch8] [ch9] [ch10] [ch11] [ch12] [ch13] [ch14] [ch15] [ch16] [ch17 on AO3] [ch17 on ffn]

Podfic: [ch1] [ch2] [ch3] [ch4] [ch5] (Rest coming soon)

Pairing: Gratsu - Gray Fullbuster / Natsu Dragneel ; Acnologia / Zeref

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Major Character Death; Graphic Depiction of Violence

Summary: When a mission turns out to be fatal for one of the team members, Natsu finds himself being given another chance to change the events.

Additional information: weekly updates; every Sunday.

Beta by @serpenttailedangel and @wildrhov <333

Tagging list: @f-r-f-t @truedreamchasing @mushi0131 @eitomagical @thatartcorner @eternalsterekbitches @becausewhenyoupracticeyouimprove @oliversantics @nekodemon73 @moonlustelara @pantykawa (if somebody else wants to be tagged [or not tagged anymore] in the future, please let me know!)

Notes: The whole chapter is in Gray’s POV.

Enjoy!

Day 9 Part 2

As soon as Gray entered the guild hall, Lucy was before him. She looked worried and anxious.

"Where's Natsu?"

"He's outside. On the backside of the guild."

Lucy rounded him and wanted to make for the door, but Gray grabbed her wrist and whirled her around.

"Wait. He's... different."

"Different how?"

"I think he's... turned crazy. Lost his mind."

Lucy's eyes widened in horror and her hand came up to cover her mouth. Her eyes told him that she was expecting an explanation. But he wasn't ready to tell her. He nearly had sex with Natsu, there was no way he'd tell this to anyone. It had to be a vague explanation.

"He said that I did some things I didn't do. He tried to make me believe that he could see the future, and he hinted that I would die...? It's creepy, honestly. He reached out for me, didn't stop even when I told him to. So I hit his stomach and ran away."

"You did what?"

Oh shit. Lucy gave off some scary vibes. What had he done wrong?

"My voice didn't reach him anymore. It's as if his mind is controlled by somebody. He isn't the Natsu I know. He changed. You'll notice it, too."

"And why didn't you ask him for an explanation?"

"I..." Gray took a step back and let go of Lucy's hand. Her angry stare was too much, and he felt guilty even though he still thought that his reaction was reasonable.

"He's reliving this day for the ninth time now. He's seen you die eight times already. Ultear turns back time, and nobody but him can retain their memory. He's trying to save your life, but until now he hasn’t been successful. Can you even imagine what he must be going through? He doesn't need you to add insult to injury."

Gray flinched, his head spinning. He needed a moment to understand what she'd just said, torn between feeling extremely guilty and doubting her. But what reason did she have to lie? She looked seriously troubled, and she wasn't the kind of person to play pranks. However, her explanation had a flaw.

"If nobody remembers, then how would you know? Have you already talked to him today?"

"No, but he has a diary which has been enchanted by Ultear, and he let me rip out some pages the previous time. I wrote down everything that's important and put it on my desk. It stays there even though time is turned back. I wrote down that Natsu's mental state is unstable, and that we have to take care of him. I can't believe what you did to him."

With that, she stormed off, leaving a dumbfounded Gray behind.

'What the hell? Ultear? Natsu trying to save my life? This is the ninth time? Natsu's mental state... unstable? True, he did seem out of it, but this...? Oh my god, if that's true then that means... I'll die... Holy shit! I have less than a day left to live!'

Gray wobbled outside the guild and leaned against the façade. He clutched his chest, trying hard to prevent himself from having a panic attack, reasoning that he wasn't going to stay dead.

'That's right. Natsu's trying his best to save me. He's in a bad mental state because of this. He's been through so much pain and heartache, yet he's not giving up. Shit! I'm such a fool! What the hell did I just do? I'm despicable! Natsu... oh god, I'm so sorry... Fuck!'

Still a bit wobbly, he went to the backside of the guild hall, finding Natsu—still naked—in Lucy's arms. She patted his head soothingly and when she noticed Gray approaching, she shot him a venomous glare.

He didn't let himself be held back by it, determined to make up for his actions. Because if what she said was true, then everything Natsu said had to be true as well. And he'd said that he was in love with Gray—no matter how hard to grasp this was—and that they'd already had sex. It would explain Natsu's confident demeanor earlier. He'd known that Gray wouldn't refuse. Hell, they'd probably even talked about exactly this situation already.

Upon getting closer, Gray noticed little sniffs coming from Natsu. He made him cry. Shit.

"You've already done enough. Leave him alone," Lucy bit out.

Natsu stiffened in her arms and then turned his head carefully until his gaze met Gray's. Natsu's eyes were red and teary.

Gray took another tentative step forward, hoping that he wouldn't scare Natsu. Lucy bared her teeth at him, tightening her grip on Natsu protectively. Gray had never seen her be that scary.

"Relax, Lucy. I'm here to apologize."

"I swear, if you dare hurt him again, I'll—"

"If I dare hurt him again, I'll surrender myself to you and Erza. I'll be careful, I promise. There's no way I'd ever intentionally hurt the one I love..."

Her eyebrows creased, and she inspected Gray's features closely. She seemed to be satisfied with what she found there because she sagged against Natsu, her expression softening tangibly.

"Fine. Then talk."

Natsu turned his body fully towards Gray, but Lucy seemed unwilling to let him go. Her arms were still around him, now hugging him from behind while Natsu sat between her legs. His knees were drawn so that his private parts were covered. They both looked at Gray expectantly, remnants of Natsu's tears still running down his cheeks. This was very awkward. Gray wanted to be alone with Natsu, but he'd probably have to convince Lucy of his good intentions first.

He sat on the ground two steps away from them. "Natsu... I'm sorry I didn't believe you. I'm sure you already know, but... You're the most important person to me."

Gray gulped and looked nervously at Lucy who gave him an encouraging nod. However, this was getting too private for Gray's liking.

"Err... No offense, but could you please leave us alone?"

Lucy's expression clearly said that she wanted to object, but Natsu patted her hand. "It's okay. You can leave us alone," he assured her. "It was my fault anyway."

"How can you say that? Gray didn't believe you."

"No. I know from experience that he doesn't believe me unless I give him a logical explanation and I didn't do that this time. Everything that happens is caused by me because I am the only one who remembers and thus the only one who can change the events."

Lucy let out a heavy sigh. "Well, yeah, but even so... Gray could've reacted more mildly."

"He said he's sorry, and I know he'll take good care of me like he's done all the other times. Please go now."

"Okay, okay. If there's anything you need me for, I'll be there."

She released him and got to her feet, strode over to where Natsu's discarded clothes lay scattered, picked them up, and dropped them into Natsu's lap. She shot Gray a warning glare and then went back inside.

Not wanting to scare Natsu any more than he probably already had, Gray stayed where he was. Now that Lucy was gone, his nervousness spiked. He cleared his throat, noticing that his hands were sweaty and trembled slightly. He folded them firmly together and pressed them into his lap, hoping that Natsu wouldn't notice.

What exactly made him nervous, he couldn't tell. Whether it was the fact that he'd die if this was true, or because he was worried about Natsu's wellbeing, or even because he couldn't quite believe yet that his feelings were reciprocated, he didn't know. Probably a mixture of everything. What he did know was that this was a delicate issue, and he needed to go about it carefully. Steeling himself mentally, he looked up and met Natsu's red-rimmed eyes.

"So... everything she said is true, and you're reliving the day?"

Natsu nodded, biting his lip.

What to say next? This was like walking on a mine field. What exactly could he bring up that wouldn't make Natsu sad? Or worse, give him a panic attack? Was that even a thing? Was it already that bad? According to Lucy, this was the ninth time and Natsu had seen him die eight times already. No matter how much Gray tried, he couldn't even begin to imagine how he would feel like if he'd already seen Natsu die eight times. His head spun with the mere thought of it, and suddenly his throat felt constricted, leaving him unable to say even one more word.

"Come here... if you want to, that is," Natsu said in a soft tone, reaching out for Gray, but not moving from his spot. He gave Gray the choice to get closer this time. A pang of guilt and regret surged through Gray's body, making him want to flinch—a reaction he suppressed with difficulty. It would make Natsu draw the wrong conclusion and that was something he wanted to strictly avoid.

Gray crawled toward Natsu, entwining their hands as soon as they came into reach. He knew that Natsu was technically still naked, but at least the clothes Lucy had dumped on him covered his crotch. So, Gray didn't think twice before crawling into Natsu's lap and pushing him gently backward until Natsu was caught between the soft grass and Gray's body, their fingers still entangled.

Natsu's eyes were shiny from the tears, and he looked utterly broken. There were so many emotions in his eyes, all negative. Guilt, sadness, hurt, doubt, grief, fatigue. How had he been able to mask them all, earlier?

"Gray... I'm sorry for what happened. I should've known better."

"Don't apologize. I should've... I shouldn't have... I mean, my behavior was... totally uncalled for... I'm sorry. So sorry..."

Natsu didn't show any sign that he'd heard him. Instead, he asked, "Do you still trust me?"

Gray kicked himself mentally because he'd always thought his trust in Natsu to be unshakable. And yet he'd doubted Natsu's sanity just a few minutes ago. What a jerk he was!

"Yes, I do."

"I might have an idea how to save your life, but it would require blind faith..."

"Let's hear it."

Natsu bit his lip, turning his head sideways to avoid Gray's gaze when he spoke.

"The first two times, someone killed you... And from the third day on, you always died of a heart attack, always at the exact same time... That means the cause of your death varies depending on the circumstances. Or maybe there are just those two options. In order to find out, we'd have to take a shot at it."

"Meaning?"

Natsu gulped, then turned his head back, meeting Gray's stare head-on. "What I want to say is that I'd like to create a potentially deadly situation for you when the time has come, only to save you in the last second. To kinda... trick fate? It's just a shot in the dark though."

That was indeed... special. The idea of purposely endangering his life seemed absurd. He hadn't yet fully wrapped his head around the fact that he was going to die in the first place, and now he should do something to forward the issue? To commit suicide? Or nearly commit suicide. Was that even possible?

"What gave you that idea?"

This question wasn't something Gray deemed worthy blushing about, but Natsu blushed anyway.

"Uh... we nearly had sex earlier... And my behavior was what prevented it from happening. So, I wondered... What if I could do the same with your death? I can't prevent a heart attack, so there's nothing to do there. But the first two times were different, yet there's no chance I could save you from that if it ever were to happen again. I thought, if fate has an alternative cause of death planned for you, something where I could step in..."

"Okay. What makes you so sure that it's fate causing my death?"

"I'm not sure. It's a shot in the dark. Maybe you're cursed. But on the fourth day, Porlyusica said something... 'The death of somebody whose time on earth is over can't be averted.' It implied fate."

"She told you something like that and you didn't ask what she meant by it?"

Natsu flinched, a shadow passing over his face. Uh-oh. He'd been too harsh. Shit, this was difficult. Gray wasn't used to dealing with a mentally unstable Natsu. Was there any way to take it back, to ease Natsu's pain?

"I-it was shortly after y-your... death... I w-wasn't—"

"Shhh. Shit, I'm sorry. Forget that I asked. Shit. Shhh, I'm right here, focus on me, look me in the eye. Hey... Don't cry. We'll find a way. How about we go to Porlyusica's and ask her? I have to admit, I'm reluctant to put my life on the line voluntarily. That has nothing to do with my trust in you, it's just... I'm not suicidal. I would never throw my life away. I'm not sure if I could... commit suicide."

The sniffling slowly subsided, and Gray felt the strong urge to kiss Natsu. To comfort him, to let him feel he was there. He wasn't sure Natsu would appreciate such a thing though, so he stopped himself.

"I'm n-not asking you to commit s-suicide. W-well, not directly, anyway."

"Then what?"

"I don't know. We'll have to think about something... suitable. Sorry. I know that's too much to ask... I... I'm sorry. It's probably a stupid idea anyway... I guess I'm just clinging to the tiniest of hopes. Otherwise I'd probably lose my mind."

"That's understandable. What do you think of my proposal to go to Porlyusica?"

With the back of his hand, Natsu rubbed the remnants of his tears away, and then looked at Gray with a determined expression. "Yeah. Let's do that."

They got dressed quickly, and only when they wanted to head towards the guild did Gray notice that Natsu had discarded the vibrator as it was lying out in the open, albeit partly hidden by the grass, but still.

"Natsu, your toy."

"Huh? Oh, that. Yeah, let's just leave it here. It'll return to my room anyway."

"But it's out in the open. What if somebody sees?" Gray felt heat creeping into his cheeks when he thought of somebody finding it there, still slick with lube.

For some reason, Natsu smirked when he answered, "Now we wouldn't want that, right?"

He picked it up, hesitated a moment, and then his grin widened. Gray felt like he was missing something here. His suspicion was confirmed when Natsu took up a straddle-legged position.

Natsu shouted, "Shut up, would you?" and then threw the vibrator into the bushes.

Gray was baffled and wanted to ask who the hell Natsu was addressing, but in the next second he was grabbed by the wrist and prompted to run. Half running, half stumbling, he kept pace with Natsu until they reached Porlyusica's.

They leaned against the façade to catch their breath, when Natsu suddenly burst out laughing.

It was refreshing to see him laugh, but also a bit scary since there was a hysteric touch to the outburst. Should Gray ask Porlyusica if she had tranquilizers? Although that wouldn't make much sense, seeing as the effect would wear off anyway once the day started anew.

After the laughing fit subsided, Natsu sank to the floor, holding his stomach, trying to catch his breath. Gray decided that he didn't need to wait until Natsu could breathe evenly again, and knocked at Porlyusica's door. It took her a while, and he needed to knock insistently several times until she opened the door a crack.

"What? You don't look ill. Go away."

"Nobody's ill—well, at least not physically. We need your advice."

Porlyusica stuck out her head and sniffed at Gray, scrunching up her nose. "You reek of sex. Don't worry, you can't get pregnant. If you want to have your girl tested, you should bring her here. Now, if that's all, would y—"

"My girl is right here, but that's not what we're here for."

Gray stepped aside, revealing Natsu. Her eyes widened.

"Well, in this case I can safely say that neither of you is pregnant."

"Yes, thank you. Can we come in for a bit? We really need your help."

"Take a shower and then come back."

She tried to slam the door, but Gray managed to slide his foot in, regretting doing so the next instant. Damn, that woman was stronger than she looked. Gray's foot hurt, but there was no way he'd let it show and give her satisfaction.

"This is a serious issue. We don't have time. Let us in, please."

Porlyusica shot him a glare, but Gray held it without blinking. After a short staring duel, she sighed and stepped aside to let them in. Natsu had thankfully returned to the current situation with his full attention, not a trace of mirth in his eyes anymore. He was back to being gloomy. Were such massive mood swings a sign of mental instability? It had to be. There was no way Natsu would behave like this under normal circumstances. Gray would really have to be careful in his handling of Natsu.

It turned out that Porlyusica didn't have any concrete information on the matter. She just referred to a very old tale she once picked up somewhere, and when Natsu told her what happened on the evening of the fourth repetition, she frowned and was lost in thought for a while.

Gray noticed that Natsu's gaze wasn't focused on anything in the room—he stared blankly into space. Not knowing what else to do, Gray reached out and gave Natsu's hand a tight squeeze, entangling their fingers. It worked, albeit only temporarily. Natsu gave him a weak smile that was surely meant to be reassuring, but it wasn't convincing at all. Gray was about to say something encouraging, but Porlyusica beat him to the punch.

"If what you say is true and his magic vanished at once the moment he died, then I don't see any way to save him. Magic is needed for a mage to live. His death can't be natural. Normally magic slowly seeps out after the death of a mage. Trying to revive a mage who has no more magic left inside their body is pointless."

Natsu looked at her with a grim expression. "That's why I need to prevent his death before it happens. I already tried to revive him once, and you did, too. But what I didn't really try yet was to intervene before he dies, experiment with the causes of death." Natsu flinched, probably aware of how that sounded.

A guinea pig. But then again, there was no helping it, was there? The only way to make any progress was to try out things, even if that meant to make Gray feel like a test subject. The current conversation did its share to convince Gray of the truth of this belief. Whether he wanted or not, he would die. The awareness hit him once again square in the gut.

'My time is over. Natsu is working his ass off to save me, and all I'm doing is put obstacles in his way. Shit. He's already broken. Broken because of me dying. I have no right to judge him or his behavior in any way. He's offering up his sanity to save me. The least I can do is to trust him and follow his instructions.'

Gray straightened himself, took Natsu's hand between his own, and pulled it into his lap protectively. "It's alright. I'll do it. Whatever it is, I'll do it. I trust you with my life."

Porlyusica let out a grunt that could mean anything from disgusted to approving. "Well, in the tale they had only one chance to prevent the death of the princess. They weren't lucky enough to have a time mage who can turn back time as often as needed. The princess was murdered with a knife the first time, so they locked her up in a cell and reinforced the guards. She slipped on a slippery spot on the floor in the cell and fell very unluckily. She broke her neck and died. Strange though that there was no slippery spot when they checked a few minutes later. And the moral of this story is that you can't trick death. Or destiny. Or whatever you want to call it. However, there is not enough research on the issue to be able to exclude options. And this is just a tale anyway. Nobody knows if it's true."

Natsu practically jumped at the implication, his face brightening instantly. "You mean it could work?"

Seeing him like this, suddenly in high spirits elicited conflicting feelings in Gray. On the one hand, it was good that his mood was positive again, but on the other, it was probably wise not to let Natsu get his hopes too high. The fall would be all the more painful if it didn't work. Which, judging by the current state of information, seemed very likely. Gray hated it but crushing Natsu's hopes right now would be for the best.

However, Porlyusica beat him to it. "I think the odds that your theory is right are very low. If I were you, I'd prepare to be disappointed."

Natsu's face fell, but only for a second. "Nobody knows that. Not even you. You said it yourself. The causes of death until now were something I couldn't prevent no matter how much I tried. We just have to create a situation, a physical attack, something I could dodge in the last second. We could trick fate or whatever into thinking that Gray will die by the physical attack, and then I'll step in and cheat it out of Gray's life."

It was kind of cute, the way Natsu's eyes glistened. Like a child at Christmas, looking forward to its presents. No matter how loudly Gray's inner voice protested, he couldn't bring himself to destroy this moment for Natsu. Not even Porlyusica seemed to be that heartless, and so neither of them said anything on the topic anymore.

To think of a situation that was suitable turned out to be rather difficult. They quickly came to the conclusion that it had to be something out of both Natsu's and Gray's control. Or at least not something they could fully control because neither thought that they could actually pull it off convincingly. Plus, it wouldn't really count as 'stepping in in the last second' because it would've been planned from the start. And what would make a situation somewhat unpredictable? The only choice seemed to be another person who wasn't in on the plan.

Gray thought this to be the perfect opportunity to ask about the mysterious person they'd fled from earlier, and Natsu told him that it was Jellal following them. He was the one who kept Ultear informed. He'd apparently complained about being their babysitter and having to witness something that would give him eye cancer, which had prompted Natsu to throw his toy into Jellal's general direction, not intending to land a hit. Of course, he'd still hit, at least judging by Jellal complaints as he chased them to Porlyusica's.

Natsu heavily protested Gray's idea of involving Jellal in their plan, because he didn't want to affect Jellal's neutrality in any way. Their guild members were beyond dispute since neither wanted to make their friends do something that would probably harm Gray. There was a short silence, and then Natsu reluctantly offered the idea of involving their 'enemies'. He shortly described their looks and personality, and immediately said he would in no way allow Gray or anyone else to fight against Bubbles since his magic was what killed Gray the first two times.

Natsu froze in the middle of describing Bubbles' magic, inhaling sharply as if he had a flash of insight. "I... I might have a plan... Gray, how much detail do you want to know? Do you think you could dig your own grave when you know exactly what will happen?"

That was a reasonable question indeed. Did he really want to know? Would it be easier to follow instructions if the outcome was unclear to him? Probably.

"I don't want to know. Just tell me exactly what to do, and I'll do it."

Gray was scared as hell, and he didn't manage to mask it all that well. His voice sounded shaky and croaky. Shit. This was getting real, wasn't it? No going back. Not that there ever was a going back, but the current situation made everything more tangible. It was a miracle that Gray heard Natsu talking over the noise of his own blood rushing in his ears.

"Okay. Then I won't tell you about the other's magic. We'll go on that mission without Gajeel and Pantherlily, we'll match you up with the same opponent, delay your fight a bit so it matches the time of your death, and you're gonna use a different strategy. You're gonna fight that girl, Ichika. You'll create many ice swords in the air, and shoot them at her..." Natsu gulped, obviously struggling with his next words. "Make sure to... make them... sharp. That's all. After you launched them, you may want to close your eyes. I-in any case, d-don't... don't defend yourself... just stay where you are."

It was very hard for him to think of something like this, that much was clear. Thinking of a strategy to kill the one he loved... It must be devastating. To show him that it was alright, that Gray trusted him, he brought their entwined fingers to his lips and kissed the back of Natsu's hand.

Porlyusica let out a disgusted groan and asked if there were any more questions she could help with, the undertone clearly saying, 'If that's all, then leave me alone now.' Unable to think of any additional ways she could help, they bid their goodbyes and left for the guild.

Upon entering the guild hall, Juvia threw herself into Gray's arms, crying like a waterfall, begging him not to die. He didn't have time to react and stop her, and Natsu apparently thought it was okay, seeing as he kindly stepped aside. Gray hesitantly wrapped his arms around her, patting her back.

"Shhh. It's okay, I'm sure Natsu will find a way—"

"J-Juvia wants to h-help, too! Juvia can't stand the thought of Gray-sama dying! Please!"

"I don't think there's anything you can do though..."

"No! Juvia wants to help."

Gray looked over to Natsu, intending to silently beg him to help, but Natsu was already there, his hand on Juvia's shoulder.

"Juvia. Please believe me when I say that there's nothing you can help with. I already have a plan, and as much as I hate to say it, I think you would be in the way."

Juvia's wailing only intensified. "B-but N-Natsu-san... Wh-why w-would y-you say s-s-something l-like that?"

True, it was a harsh thing to say, but Gray had to admit that Natsu had a point. Juvia's behavior would probably be overprotective if they took her on the mission. He could easily picture her wanting to prevent him from fighting, taking the enemy on in his stead. And she sure as hell wouldn't agree with a plan that was supposed to purposely endanger his life.

His shirt was already mostly soaked from her tears, and he wanted nothing more than to get away from her. Naturally, he didn't like to see her crying, but he knew nothing could make her stop now, not when she knew that his life was nearly over. He didn't have the nerve to think of something to say that could possibly calm her down a bit; his own problems already made his head spin, leaving little space to think of anything else.

Natsu looked just as lost as Gray felt. Thankfully, Lucy approached them and undertook the task of soothing Juvia, managing to make her let go of Gray and hug Lucy instead. The whole calming down business took quite a while, and Natsu patiently waited with his lecture until Lucy was available.

It wasn't that long, seeing as Lucy had already roughly informed the guild of the events. Although she'd apparently left out the fact of Natsu and Gray being a couple, judging by Juvia's behavior.

Explaining why they wouldn't take Gajeel and Pantherlily on the mission was a difficult endeavor, especially since Natsu and Gray had agreed that they shouldn't let their friends in on their plan. What did the trick in the end was Natsu telling them that he'd possibly found a solution but needed them to place their trust in him.

The rest of the morning passed rather uneventfully, other than Natsu being extremely clingy. He had no qualms with kissing Gray in front of their whole guild, much to Juvia's dismay. She tried to pry Gray out of his hands, but Natsu fended her off and gave her a lecture on how to behave 'when your loved one doesn't love you back'. Why exactly he reacted this strongly to Juvia now when he'd let her hug Gray before was a mystery to Gray, but then again, he must've had enough of her theatrics when it came to this. There was no way this was the first time she didn't want to accept their relationship. When Gray assured Juvia that he was indeed in love with Natsu, that he hadn't been forced into doing anything, and she would do him a huge favor if she just let it go, she stormed off, crying.

Natsu seemed to be mostly back to his usual self when they rode the train to their mission, giving last-minute instructions to everyone on how to behave. Wendy excused herself first when she felt the effect of Troia wear off, and Natsu used the opportunity to lead Gray away from their friends, to the other end of the wagon. They spent the few minutes writing a short diary entry, with Natsu covering the previous ones. He said that Gray shouldn't read them since they contained information on their enemies' magic. After they finished writing, they proceeded to kissing and groping until Natsu's motion sickness kicked in.

Their enemies were exactly the way Natsu had described them. Not that Gray needed any final proof to be convinced of the truth of Natsu's story, but this would have been it. There was no denying that Natsu knew what was going to happen.

Throughout the whole course of events, Gray's attention was focused on the female mage, Ichika. He tried to take her measure, but she was mysterious. Cheerful and tough on the outside, but she appeared to be shrewd. She was probably the kind of person to befriend easily, regardless of whether she liked someone. Gray had the feeling that if she didn't like you, she might just stab you in the back when you weren’t paying attention for a second.

They reached the area where the fights would take place shortly after six-forty, and Gray's nervousness had reached its peak by then, to the point where he'd rather describe it as 'panic'. He couldn't take his eyes off Ichika, trying desperately to figure out what type of magic she wielded, but it was useless. Natsu's attempts at distraction were futile, whether it was squeezing his hand or a peck on his lips.

Erza's 'fight' against their healer, Yushin, ended before it began, much to her surprise. She tripped and landed face first on the grass. Natsu nervously checked his watch when Bubbles urged them on to start the next fight.

It was still too early, seeing as Natsu yanked Gray in by the collar, whispered, "We need to stall this fight a bit longer," and then pressed their lips together hungrily.

Ichika whistled and clapped loudly. "Oh my, oh my. That afraid to lose your sweetheart?"

Natsu didn't pay her any attention. He was too busy kissing Gray senseless, and it actually helped to calm Gray's nerves a bit.

The one to wrench them apart some moments later was Erza. Her face was flushed, her expression angry. "Don't you think there are more important matters to take care of now?"

Yeah, right. They hadn't explained after all. For anyone beside him and Natsu this must look like a desperate goodbye kiss, and maybe it was. Natsu had told him that his time of death was 7:03.

'Less than ten minutes to live... Oh god.'

Gray's knees gave in and he sank to the floor, trembling like an aspen leaf. Natsu was by his side in an instant, loudly asking their enemies to give them a few minutes. He shot Erza a glare, telling her to leave them alone and trust them. She flinched, saying that she hadn't known that this was a part of the plan, and then retreated, leaving them alone.

Gray's head was spinning and his heart racing. Was he about to have a panic attack? How did something like that even feel like? His sight was blurry, and he barely registered Natsu's warm arms wrapping around him, pulling him closer. Only when his nose was pressed into Natsu's scarf and the distinctive scent he'd come to love invaded his senses, he got a grip of reality again. Natsu rubbed soothing circles over his back, nudging Gray's forehead with his nose.

Natsu cocked his head so that his mouth was right next to Gray's ear and then whispered, "It's okay, I'm here. I won't let you die, I promise. Please, trust me. I'll do anything to protect you."

"I... I know. Sorry. I'm alright now."

"Sure?"

"Yeah. How much time left?"

Natsu shifted a bit, checking his watch. "Five minutes. I'd say we delay the fight another three minutes. Is there something I can do to make it easier for you?"

How did he even have the nerve to ask such a thing? Gray expected Natsu to be freaking out just as much as himself, if not even more. However, Natsu was as calm and confident as ever. He believed in this plan.

Gray desperately prayed for it to work the way Natsu planned because if not, Natsu would be destroyed. Knowing him, he didn't even think about the possibility of this failing. But was it wise to bring up the topic again, with the fight just around the corner? Probably not. It would also increase Gray's anxiety, and if that happened, he wasn't so sure he would be able to concentrate and cast proper ice swords.

So instead, Gray went for, "It's okay. I trust you."

Natsu hugged him tighter, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "I love you. Once this is over, let's move in together. I want to wake up by your side every morning, fall asleep in your arms every night."

Gray's pulse went up again, and not only from the sappiness of Natsu's proposal. Him saying such things could only mean that their time was up.

"Yes. I want that, too. I love you, too."

It was time. Gray's stomach churned as he stepped forward, signaling Ichika that he was ready. She made a sly remark Gray didn't bother paying attention to.

The first few seconds neither of them moved when eventually Ichika made a beckoning gesture. Gray took a deep breath, and then took up his Ice Make stance.

'You can do this. You can do this. You can do this. Breathe. Concentrate. Make them sharp.'

"Ice Make: Swords!"

Dozens of swords appeared in the air before him, and he didn't hesitate to launch them all at once at Ichika. She smirked, and shortly before they reached her, they halted and turned around.

'Don't defend yourself. Let it happen. Natsu is here. Natsu will save me.'

Gray couldn't hear anything beside his own heartbeat anymore. He saw the sharp blades quickly approaching him, but his mind had already disconnected from the real world. His feet wouldn't move even if he wanted them to. The only thing he could do was watch as his death approached rapidly, in the form of his own creation. Wasn't it beautiful to die like this, by ice he'd created?

Only that the swords wouldn't hit him like this. She'd directed them to inflict mere superficial wounds, not lethal ones. They were nearly there, when Gray was shoved to the side, and before the nearest sword pierced his chest, he heard a heartbreaking cry next to him.

'Natsu.'

His chest hurt. It felt as if his lung was pierced and his heart too.

'It wasn't your fault. Please don't blame yourself.'

Natsu’s Diary

Day 9:

* We went to Porlyusica to ask her for advice. She told us a tale about a princess she'd picked up somewhere. It wasn't really useful, but I have an idea anyway: Gray will endanger his life purposely, and I'll rescue him in the last second. We'll use Ichika for this. I told Gray to create sharp ice swords and shoot them at her. I think the plan is a good one. I'm positive it'll work, and then Gray and me can finally be together for real!

Mirajane’s Notes

Day 9:

They didn't take Gajeel and Pantherlily on their mission. Natsu didn't explain, just that he 'has an idea and we should trust him.'

#Chiyalawritesrewind #gratsu #zerelogia sp #although they don't appear in this chapter but oh well #no smut this time :D #I'd give everything to see your faces when you're reading this #a reaction video or something haha xD #let me dream #anyway have fun #and I'm not sorry #:P

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